#trying to come up with a name lmaooooooo

[baby-prophet]

oh my god my new pipe is green with orange horns............ just like that one lesbian homestuck troll...................... help

[heavyhitterheaux]

We're Somebody's Parents

First Babies of Private Garden Instagram AU

Liked by jackharlow, urbanwyatt, neelamthadhani, maggieharlow, quiiso, yungskylark, cozane, and 2,861,052 others

y/ninsta: Axel a.k.a. Lil Urb says hi everyone lol

jackharlow: my main man 😍

saweetie: so happy you came to visit me. he is the spitting image of the both of you. can't deny him if you wanted to

urbanandjack25: wait, why is he called Lil Urb?

y/ninsta: urbandjack25 because of his middle name

urbanwyatt: godfather checking in

neelamthadhani: urban takes his job seriously lol

urbanwyatt: neelamthadhani of course I do. I'm convinced he even looks like me.

jackharlow: urbanwyatt don't fucking start because no he doesn't

yungskylark: urbanwyatt he only kinda looks like you when you both wear bucket hats. don't get it twisted lmao

allthingsy/n: yesss y/n in her mommy era! we stan!

quiiso: if urbanwyatt could just kidnap Axel and have him all to himself, he would

urbanwyatt: quiiso they shouldn't have named him after me. that's my kid now.

y/ninsta: urbanwyatt well in that case come get him. and your dumbass wanted all three of them named after you

urbanwyatt: y/ninsta I don't see the problem?

y/ninsta: softtcurse girl come get your man because he irky

softtcurse: y/ninsta what makes you think I want him?

urbanwyatt: softtcurse outta pocket

y/ninsta: damn. double homicide.

Liked by y/ninsta, saweetie, claybornharlow, dualipa, champagnepapi, urbanwyatt, neelamthadhani, taylorrooks, and 2,791,264 others

jackharlow: Ivy actually stayed still and let me do her hair 😭

saweetie: jackharlow ain't no fucking way you did her hair

jackharlow: saweetie yes I did! ask y/ninsta!

saweetie: y/ninsta EXCUSE ME, MISS MA'AM!

y/ninsta: saweetie he did her hair and did it without my help. jackharlow good job daddy!

claybornharlow: now jackharlow can add hair stylist to his resume

jackharlow: claybornharlow catch me at NYFW next year backstage. I'm putting in weaves next and gluing wigs with lace fronts. y/ninsta come here and let me practice on you.

theestallion: jackharlow lmaooo aye yo

y/ninsta: jackharlow no. get somebody else to do it.

quiiso: those practice sessions with y/ninsta paid off!

allthingsy/n: I LIVE for domestic daddy Jack 😭

urbanwyatt: jackharlow has been doing y/ninsta's hair since quarantine so I would hope that he knew how to do his daughter's hair by now

jackharlowsource: urbanwyatt oh? do tell!

jackharlow: one day when I was of course driving her up the wall, she randomly said, if we have girls you need to know how to do their hair and from then, she let me practice on her.

y/ninsta: never seen a white boy who can part my hair as good as he does so when I'm too tired, he definitely does it for me

jackharlow: in my hair stylist era 🥰

normani: I am living for the heart shaped part in the middle! good job Jack Jack! maybe you can do druski2funny's wig

druski2funny: normani now why am I in it?!

jackharlow: druski2funny I'm charging you extra

druski2funny: jackharlow why?! I'm your life partner!

jackharlow: druski2funny you got a big ass head, that's why

lilnasx: jackharlow lmaooooooo

Liked by jackharlow, maggieharlow, urbanwyatt, claybornharlow, yourmomsinstagramname, danivalentine, djdrama, yungskylark, and 3,702,163 others

y/ninsta: Jackman, come get your youngest NEOW 😭😭😭

jackharlow: WHY MY BABY IN THE FRIDGE?! y/ninsta EXPLAIN THIS

y/ninsta: jackharlow WHAT DO YOU MEAN, EXPLAIN?! HER ASS OPENED IT AND CRAWLED IN THERE

claybornharlow: Autumn is literally the no limit soldier out of the three of them lmao

urbanwyatt: 😭😭😭😭😭

y/ninsta: I noticed that it was a little too quiet and I swear that I only turned around for a second and her ass was GONE. Next thing I knew, I hear something from the kitchen and look what I find

y/ninsta: maggieharlow come get the grandchildren you wanted so much because I am DONE

urbandjack25: NOT Y/N TRYING TO GIVE THE BABIES TO MAGGIE LMAO

jackharlow: well y/n did you at least take her out? lmao

y/ninsta: jackharlow yes and she is now in Harlow baby jail

jackharlowsource: HARLOW BABY JAIL?! WHAT IS HAPPENING?! 😭

y/ninsta: jackharlow it's her third offense this week. she keeps messing around, she'll be there until 21.

jackharlow: y/ninsta 😭😭

maggieharlow: y/ninsta she's so cute!

y/ninsta: maggieharlow now mom..... she has been driving me up the WALL

maggieharlow: y/ninsta she's jackharlow's offspring. did you expect any different?

jackharlow: maggieharlow MOM! WHAT IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?!

urbanwyatt: maggie stays coming for her oldest lmaooo

claybornharlow: jackharlow maggieharlow she means that you drive your wife up the wall too so of course Autumn does too

jackharlow: claybornharlow let's fight

y/ninsta: jackharlow touch little baby and you sleep on the couch for a week

jackharlow: y/ninsta SERIOUSLY?

claybornharlow: jackharlow love you 🥰🥰

jackharlow: claybornharlow 😐

Liked by y/ninsta, urbanwyatt, softtcurse, 2forwoyne, saweetie, claybornharlow, privategarden, dojacat, dualipa, and 3,802,819 others

jackharlow: first date night with my baby in a while 💕

That ended with us sitting in the car for thirty minutes before we went inside when we got home to our kids after giving ourselves a pep talk lol still can't believe we're somebodies parents

y/ninsta: jackharlow thank you for being the amazing person that you are. I love you, BAD 😭

jackharlow: y/ninsta I love you more and don't you ever forget it

urbanwyatt: can't wait to see how lit the comments under yall posts will be when the triplets get older

jackharlow: urbanwyatt NO.

y/ninsta: urbanwyatt Autumn will be the main one, I already know. 2forwoyne how did she do for you tonight? jackandy/naremyparents: love them forever

2forwoyne: y/ninsta if I still have hair tomorrow, I'll be surprised

y/ninsta: 2forwoyne well Jack still has his and he stays fighting for his life so you'll be okay

jackharlow: y/ninsta for now smh

saweetie: wait a minute, what was this pep talk about?

jackharlow: saweetie to hype ourselves up as parents because we felt like we weren't doing such a good job

maggieharlow: jackharlow y/ninsta you learn as you go and the two of you are doing amazing so far. those three are blessed to have you as their parents

y/ninsta: maggieharlow don't make me cry because you already know that I will

maggieharlow: y/ninsta I call it like I see it!

claybornharlow: yeah I guess jackharlow is doing alright

y/ninsta: do I spy a compliment from little baby to big baby? never thought I'd see the day

jackharlow: claybornharlow what you up to? because I know you are up to something

claybornharlow: jackharlow 👀

jackharlow: claybornharlow look I get stressed out enough from my kids and I'm not adding you to that list too

claybornharlow: y/ninsta whenever you're ready to drop him, I'm here

jackharlow: AND THERE IT FUCKING IS!

y/ninsta: play nice you two!

dualipa: I second what claybornharlow said

y/ninsta: dualipa lunch dateeeeee saturday!

jackharlow: yall can't let me live for shit

dualipa: y/ninsta and leave your sperm donor at home!

jackharlow: dualipa HER WHAT?

dualipa: jackharlow you HEARD me jackharlow: y/ninsta baby, how much is a flame thrower? y/ninsta: NOW JACKMAN!

Liked by jackharlow, urbanwyatt, theestallion, normani, saweetie, shloob_, 2forwoyne, champagnepapi, estgee, theshaderoom, and 4, 284,097 others

y/ninsta: now I KNOW yall see why I let this man impregnate me 😭

Whewww shit my husband fine as hell

Okay back to your regularly scheduled programming

jackharlow: I mean I can do it again 👀👀

y/ninsta: jackharlow don't play with me

jackharlow: y/ninsta who's playing? do I look like a video game to you?

y/ninsta: jackharlow 👀

saweetie: not yall horny asses plotting on having more children already

y/ninsta: saweetie my man fine as fuck sis and I will give him all the children he wants

jackharlow: y/ninsta OH

y/ninsta: jackharlow WAIT, HOLD ON. WITHIN REASON. WE ARE NOT HITTING DOUBLE DIGIT NUMBERS SO YOU CAN FUCKING FORGET IT.

jackharlow: y/ninsta nah nah, back up all that shit you were talking

urbanwyatt: so late night food runs so you can leave me at wing stop again? COUNT ME OUT

y/ninsta: urbanwyatt you love me and you will do anything for me and that was one time

urbanwyatt: y/ninsta as long as it doesn't get us arrested, I'm all for it and ONE TIME TOO MANY

jackharlow: y/ninsta don't get quiet on me now

theestallion: y/ninsta he about to tear that ass up lmao

urbandjack25: WE WANT ALL THE HARLOW BABIES!

jessicakelce: urbanandjack25 I SECOND THIS

y/ninsta: jackharlow so you can hide in closets again because of my raging hormones? remember that?

2forwoyne: y/ninsta lmaoooo that was wild

quiiso: jackharlow was convinced that his dick was going to fall off

y/ninsta: quiiso I woulda glued it back on

jackharlowsource: Y/N PLEASEEEEEEE LMAOOOOOO

jackharlow: y/ninsta look, we don't talk about dark times

Liked by y/ninsta, saweetie, dualipa, dojacat, urbanwyatt, 2forwoyne, taylorrooks, neelamthadhani, danivalentine, and 5,872,018 others

jackharlow: my favorite MILF 😍😍

y/ninsta: jackharlow well look who it is, my favorite DILF 🤭

blancahood: okay snap back is crazy. TRIPLETS WHERE?

y/ninsta: blancahood oh trust sis, the stretch marks and cellulite are there hiding lol

jackharlow: y/ninsta you don't take the meat off the grill until it's well done with the lines on it

urbanwyatt: jackharlow did you just compare your wife to food?

jackharlow: urbanwyatt fuck yeah I did, I literally EAT HER OUT. she is my favorite meal. suck that shit right off the bone.

y/ninsta: jackharlow you so cute lol and so nasty I love it

thestallion: good lord. number 4 is probably coming soon yall lmao

y/ninsta: theestallion ehhhhh

jackharlow: she's back on birth control so not any time soon

jessicakelce: jackharlow the same one as before? lmaoooo

blancahood: swallowing is the best form of birth control

y/ninsta: blancahood I second this lol

y/ninsta: jessicakelce look I'm to the point where whatever happens, happens. I'm really happy with my little tribe and if we add to it, I'll be happy too

normani: since my predictions are always right. I vote twins next.

y/ninsta: normani WHAT?! NO!

normani: y/ninsta it's less than three!

y/ninsta: normani and that's supposed to make it better?!? jackharlow you better fucking NOT

jackharlow: y/ninsta I DIDN'T EVEN DO ANYTHING

y/ninsta: jackharlow NOT YET ANYWAY with that muthafuckin super sperm your ass has

jackharlow: y/ninsta maybe I agree with normani

y/ninsta: jackharlow well you must be the person carrying them because ISSA NO FOR ME DAWG

jackharlow: y/ninsta you say that now, but you'll fold. you always do.

Taglist:

@harlowsbby

@babyharleezy

@hoodharlow

@stefansalvatoresgf

@jackiehollanderr

@primadxna-girl

@dessmxsworld

@cockslutslurper3000

@raelorns21

@variety-fangirl

@gbaabyyyy

@kamorsstuff

@harlowthot

@sinsandsuccubus

@curlyhairclub

@bootlegroach

@haylexo10

@thinkingaboutjharlow

@fluidsentiment

@charli123456789

@moody4world

@yourstrulymayah

@yana4life

@beanbagbitch

@alinaharlow

@carma-fanficaddict

@minaxcarter

@arination99

@xjup1t3r

@venusvinc

@jacksmoviestar

@jackharloww

@midnight-star47

@minkookie95

@inluvwithladybug

@exoticr0ses

@jharlowsangels

@jackierose902109

@jackmansbabymama

@cmalass

@megawhoree

@softtcurse

@sia2raw

@miniaturehideoutmentality

@hoya122

@nattinatalia

@jackslover12

@skyesthebomb

@jackharlows-world

@louisianalady

@fdl305

@automaticpeachsong

@harlowcomehome

@gassyandsassy1

@babygirlwilly

@amethyst09

@harrycanyonmoonn

@toocriticalharlow

@tattered-tales

@sisiking99

@dessxoxsworld

@gillybear17

@jacksdaycare

@iheartharlow

@disaster-rose

@babyvinnie

@evansxchalamet

@chtkmyharlow​

@itsyagirljaz

@neon-lights-and-glitter

@awhore4moree

[mulders-too-large-shirt]

fight the future part 1

AHHHHH, i’m so EXCITEDDDD!!!

it usually takes me an hour and a half to write up my initial thoughts on a 45 minute episode, PLUS more time to edit them before posting, so this 2 hour movie is probably going to take all night LMAOOOO

but after having some brief troubles with my laptop’s DVD player, here we are!!!! i cannot wait!!! i’m so excited!! everyone has really hyped this up. but i read the back of the DVD and it didn’t mention gibson at all? so are we just pushing that to the side for now?

okay. yeah. i’ll have to not worry about that little boy. 

oh, and yeah, i'm watching it on a DVD! the quality is... not great. which i suppose adds to the immersion.

post-movie thoughts: i can see shrimp colors and feel their secret emotions.

let’s GOOOOO!

theme music playing……………….. over some oily looking stuff…. YEAH BABY!!!!!

we are in a blizzard. two figures run. wait, it’s texas? oh, it’s ancient texas. a very different time from now.

let us enter a cave together, where we can start a fire and rest. and look around with torches. deeper and deeper into this labyrinth journey the cavemen. it looks like skyrim. i half expect a skeever to jump out

wah! who is this in the ice?

ALIEN ATTACK??? what is going on? alien vs cavemen! place your bets!!! one caveman down!!! the alien escaped?? other caveman wants to know where tf it went!

i get the sense a jumpscare is coming. WHAT IS THAT THING??? it looks like a flounder??????? surviving caveman stabs it and it bleeds. OHHH.... IS THAT THE BLACK OIL STUFF???? YEAH, it is!!! and it crawls all over the caveman!!!! 

wahhhh!!! abrupt jump cut to a boy named stevie falling into a cave. stevie, there may be monsters afoot, please be careful. stevie wants this skull for himself. please alert any local archaeologists of this find instead of stealing it or its historical context will forever be lost to time. NO STEVIE! the goop!!!!! it is upon him!!!

maybe this is what he gets for trying to steal archaeological remains. take notes, children. a lesson was learned today.

it crawls up his legs like evil slugs!!!! and into his eyeballs!! the other kids run!!!

they abandoned stevie in his hour of need… personally, i would not forgive them for this

some yellow firetrucks are here to save the day (and who has ever seen a yellow firetruck?). go, fetch stevie. the fireman up top can’t hear the ones down in the cave through the radio!!!

now, what is this helicopter doing at the scene? they bring out a pod-thing to store stevie in. and this other guy (later revealed to be named bronschweig- simply too many german names on this show) is watching the boy with grave concern.

THIS DUDE LEAVES THE FIREMEN DOWN THERE TO DIE?????

absolutely DIABOLICAL.

a ton more trucks pull in and block off the area while the doctor bronschweig guy calls someone to say that…. the impossible scenario that they never planned for??? well, they better come up with a plan!!

a week later, a helicopter arrives in dallas. the FBI says there is no evidence of an explosive in this building, but this other guy (michaud) says they had better check again. he sees something in the distance….. upon the roof....

SCULLY IS HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i cheered and screamed!

“mulder, it’s me!” “where are you scully?” “i’m on the roof” <- it was her on the roof!! oh, my heart is so happy to see her!!! she says she hasn't found anything. and you know she is good at observing

LMAOOOOO she wants to know what the fuck she is doing there!!! after going up 12 floors of stairs!!! they are not acting in accordance with the data on how to respond to terrorist threats!!! the bomb threat was called in ACROSS THE STREET!! lives could be lost!!! yes diva, monologue statistics!

BOO! mulder scares her LMAOOO LMAOOOOOOO aww. babies.

(her lecturing him on the statistics and terrorist behavioral analysis is so funny because he is the behavioral analysis guy... but i recognize that they are doing a sort of character introduction for the girlies who are just tuning in for the movie, and she is the one who likes to do things by the book)

(he pops a sunflower seed) “what are we doing up here, scully? it’s hotter than hell” <- many are asking this question...

NOOOOO, he’s bored because they’ve CLOSED THE X FILES 💔💔💔 and now they have to follow the rules!!! and do boring things like look for bombs! but at least they get to do it together? that has to be a plus!

“maybe we should call in a bomb threat to houston; i think it’s free beer night at the astrodome” (she glares at him) LMAOOOOO she’s mad as hell!!!! and so is he!!! but in a different direction!

OHHHHHH she pretends the door is locked…. and he goes into open it…. AHAHAHA, OH I JUST GIGGLED!!!

“it’s locked?” “so much for anticipating the unforeseen” (he opens it and turns to her, who is smiling, crossing her arms) “i had you” (he’s laughing) “no you didn’t” “had you big time"

AHHHHHHHHHHHHH i love when they write scully as a smartass!!! THAT IS MY BABY!! <3

SHE’S STILL TEASING HIM AS THEY GO INSIDE, BAHAHAHA! he says he saw her jiggle the handle; “i saw your face, mulder, there was a definite moment of panic” “you’ve never seen me panic. when i panic, i make this face” (he has no discernible expression)

BANTER!!! THE BANTER OF IT ALL!!!

OHHHH, SHE MAKES HIM BUY HER A SODA and she wants something SWEET... AGAIN, i say, that is my baby!!!!!!

15 minutes in and i’m already kicking my feet and giggling at their banter, oh my god… this is going to ruin me

LMAOOO what the hell did he just pull out of his pocket as he is putting the change in for a soda?!!

bro is slamming all of the buttons…. bro is kicking the machine… i have been there too, brother, i promise. 

aha! the machine was unplugged!

this DVD is skipping a little but i think he got locked in the drink room 💔 for what purpose??

he panics and calls scully on his nokia, and her number is 555-0113 btw, for those of you who keep track of these things

he says he found the bomb!!!! and she thinks he is joking, but he is absolutely not!!! 

OH SHIT!!!!! the bomb really is in there!!!! where the vending machine should be!! he starts counting down…….

so scully runs out, saying that she will get him out of there, but first: get everyone else out!!!!

YES, TELL THEM GIRL!!! “i need this building evacuated and cleared out in ten minutes. i want you to call the fire department and have them block off the city center and a one-mile radius around the building” “ten minutes?” “DON’T THINK! pick up that phone and make it happen!” <- YAAAAAAS EXACTLY RIGHT!!!

love when she raises her voice at men who doubt her. it brings me inner peace.

she needs to speak to michaud NOW…. tell him to deploy the FBI AT ONCE!!!!

oh, poor mulder, stuck in a locked room with the vending machine bomb….. he jumps when his cellphone rings. “scully, you know that face i just showed you? i’m making it again” <- NOOOOO his normally cool exterior is cracking 💔

she informs him to get away from the door because they are coming in. is michaud a welder????? or do they just keep one on hand for events like this?

michaud says to get out NOW!!! and mulder doesn’t want to listen, but scully forces him out. now why tf would this michaud guy know how to diffuse a bomb?? but he says he does.

okay, but he lies, because he’s just sitting there looking at it?????

mulder wants to run back in but she SCREAMS IN HIS FACE THAT THEY DON’T HAVE TIME!!!

(this was most pleasing to me as well. something about her screaming in his face to save him made me nod in approval)

they just barely get in the car, when the whole building blows!!!! poor limping agents emerge from the bombing as the place is in ruins. “next time, you’re buying”, mulder says. oh, this man, and his dumbass quips…

back to the FBI headquarters in DC. is scully in trouble??!?! but skinner is here!!!! surely he will defend her! oh no… mulder is here, too. there were 5 deaths in the explosion!!!

mulder rushes in, asking if the bodies really were found in the building, because they were told it was clear. but this lady tells him he was late and he better go wait outside… what is afoot at this moment…? skinner shakes his head ever so slightly

cut to him pounding sunflower seeds outside the door while the meeting takes place.

skinner emerges!!!!! NOOOO he gently informs mulder that they’re being blamed for this!!! he was so careful about the way he worded this news, too 💔💔

“if they want somebody to blame, they can blame me. agent scully doesn’t deserve this” “she’s in there right now saying the same thing about you” <- OHHHHHH……….. i fell to my knees in a walmart parking lot.

(metaphorically, of course. for in reality, i sit here, cozy in bed)

mulder says that he broke protocol by leaving the SAC, so he should take the blame, but she says she was the one who ordered him out. and he denies wanting to go back in.

poor scully :( she emerges

and now the people from the panel in the meeting room want skinner back :( she always calls him “sir” :(

NOOOOO, THEY’RE SPLITTING OUR AGENTS UP??? 💔 

“this is not about you scully, they’re doing this to me” “they’re not doing this. mulder, i left behind a career in medicine… because i thought that i could make a difference at the FBI, but it hasn’t turned out that way, and now if they were to transfer me to omaha, or cleveland, or some field office it just doesn’t hold the interest for me that it once did. not after what i’ve seen and done” <- OHHHHHH… his face while she says this…

and her guilt…. it’s like she wants to atone.

again, scully and her need to Do The Morally Correct Thing at all costs. and at this point, can she say that being in the FBI is the Morally Correct Thing to do? i don't blame her for wanting to go be a doctor instead, even though i am surprised she doesn't want to figure out who got her sick and killed her sister. maybe she thought if she cut her losses now, she could still make a life for herself somewhere else.

she looks so SAD, and she says she’s sorry, and when mulder walks away, she grabs his jacket that he left behind... ohhhhh my GOD, her standing alone in the hallway… someone please kill me

(post viewing note: i think he was trying to blame himself for the whole situation and assuage her guilt with the "this is not about you, scully" line, but it seemed like he was saying that he was the only one being persecuted for the pursuit of the great and noble Truth, which rubbed me the wrong way. i think i know what he MEANT, but when he said they were doing this to HIM, it was like, damn, pretty sure y'all have been a team... again with the hearing 'i' when he ought to hear 'we')

NOOOOO! mulder’s absolutely smashed at the bar. bro barely drinks and tonight he is going for the gold. 

AND THE BARTENDER ASKS WHAT HE DOES SO HE JUST. TELLS HER EVERYTHING??? so she cuts him off for the night. because his alien story seems to indicate his inebriation.

oh my god, it's like it doesn't bother him that he is a joke to his peers when he is getting results, but when he is separated from those results, being belittled hurts

“one is the loneliest number” <- SAID BY THE MAN who never wanted a partner….. oh my god…..

OH, the poor guy can’t even go to the bathroom in peace… which leaves him pissing against the wall… truly an all time low for my best friend mulder

this guy is talking to him while he goes to the bathroom. he says he has been watching his career for a while…….. since he was a promising young agent….. okay, who is this kurtzweil fellow? OH! HE CLAIMS TO BE “AN OLD FRIEND OF YOUR FATHER’S” EEK! i don’t think that will endear him to you 

HE CALLS THEM “FELLOW TRAVELERS”.... RED MR. MULDER CONFIRMED???

he’s trying to get away from this guy. kurtzweil heard he comes in there sometimes. huh, that’s interesting. i feel like we never see him drink. and he said he usually doesn’t, which he stated as much before. maybe he goes there on the tough nights. maybe he gets bored. maybe his general sobriety is being retconned in this film. very interesting.

bro is trying to get tf out of there… but kurtzweil says that michaud never tried to diffuse that bomb!! "they" wanted the medical quarantine office in that dallas building destroyed!! which is where the bodies came from!!! the dead they found were already dead before the bomb went off!!!!

ohhhh, mulder's eyes are alight again… he tells the doctor he thinks he’s full of shit, but i can see that spark in his drunk and pondering eyes.

he is now off to georgetown. where poor scully cannot sleep. in her white robe. sadly looking at the ceiling.

(i know nothing about DC. so scully lives in georgetown? then where does he live? how far away is that? you have to call a cab, so it's probably pretty far... how long are their journeys to work? and most importantly, how far are they from the museums?)

OH she immediately clocks that he is drunk and she is SUSPICIOUS. oh, i want to STUDY this interaction:

“oh, i woke you. did i wake you?” (he stumbles in)

“no”

“why not? it’s 3 in the morning” 

“are you drunk, mulder?” (i find it very fascinating she asks this without judgement- just very matter of fact)

“i… i… uh, was, until about 20 minutes ago, yeah”

“was that before or after you decided to come here?”

“what exactly are you implying?”

(she stares at him) “go home, mulder”

“no, get dressed”

“it’s late”

“get dressed”

“what are you doing?” 

“just get dressed, and i’ll explain on the way” <- ohhhhhh…. will she go with him?

she will, but only after a deep sigh

(post-viewing thoughts: i thought this was so fascinating because it felt like she thought he was going to break whatever tenuous barrier was between them. like, he was either going to try and sleep with her, or beg her to stay, and either one was something she couldn't handle. it felt like she assumed it was sexual, to me at least. and that firm rejection was very interesting. i shall unpack this for decades, i am sure)

back to texas, where the quarantine effort where stevie and the firemen fell in the hole is being resumed. AND CSM IS LIGHTING UP AS HE DESCENDS FROM HIS HELICOPTER!!! sadly and pensively smoking. 

the guy from before who we saw leave the firemen behind- bronschweig- has something to show CSM. AUGH, the fireman that they left in the hole is still alive, but he is very goopy??? why is this???

the black oil alien is eating him away!!! but they managed to slow it down by bringing him back to freezing!!!

he asks if CSM wants him to destroy “this one too, before it gestates” and he says no, no. we need to try the vaccine. and if it doesn’t work… burn it like the others. nasty.

AUGH....... the oil alien moved in the fireman's body a little bit. didn't care for it.

the agents are rolling up to the naval hospital at 4 am. i sure do hope mulder wasn’t the one driving. scully does not seem like the type to allow this.

LMAOOOO he is trying to get into the morgue by pushing around the young and inexperienced guard, and he does that thing where he calls him “son”, which makes me feel so weird, but the trickery of a guy named fox never fails to amuse me. he points out to scully once they're successfully inside that it’s pretty weird a hospital morgue is suddenly off limits on the orders of a general. yeah, seems sus.

mulder is unboxing this corpse, and it is horribly sticky!!! she’s gloving up to investigate. “god, it’s completely edematous”, she notes, and i giggled when she said that. scully using medical words makes my heart skip beats. i even giggled while gagging as she dragged her fingers through the human body that had become gel. and there was evidently absolutely no autopsy, she declares!!! the death report is obviously not true!!!

(shoutout to the props team)

STEALING A BODY with agents mulder and scully! but she is concerned! it takes a long time to conduct an autopsy! she’s worried they'll get caught!! “we’re being blamed for this man’s death. i’d like to know what he died of”, mulder points out, and you know what? i can’t really argue with that logic 

how is she gonna cut the body open if he’s goop?!?!

off to dr. kurtzweil’s apartment, where an outside investigation is taking place, and you bet mulder is going to crash it.

OH SHIT??? the cops who are in kurtweil's place accuse him of a very serious crime??? mulder also found a book he wrote about “global domination conspiracy” um… can we trust this guy? 

earlier when he said he was an OBGYN, my first thought was that he was one of those guys who works in the fertility clinics and makes the clone people… maybe he really is?

(after seeing the film, i think it was just a coincidence LMAO)

mulder make a joke about needing a pelvic examination and cracks the other cop up lmao. he has a way of charming people

GASP! as he tries to leave, he’s being summoned around the corner by kurtzweil!!! he says "they" know that he is talking to mulder. mulder is like how tf did you know all that about the goop guy in the hospital morgue?

well, let me tell you a story about a mouse disease, says kurtzweil.

and FEMA mentioned…. what are they doing in a mouse disease outbreak?? with their newfound powers? hmm.

MR. MULDER LORE!!!! they worked on a bio weapon together. “a plague to end all plagues… a planned armageddon” arranged with the aliens!! that's... not good.

so he says the president will declare a state of emergency when this plague arrives, and all power will come under FEMA/the secret government. and then i think he implies it will be transferred over to the aliens?

he says to go back to texas and dig… or else.

poor FEMA. always being blamed for something.

meanwhile, scully is working on getting an autopsy on the goopy body. but there are people approaching!!!

she hides!!! in the freezer!!!! but no!!!! her phone goes off!!!!

LMAOOOO!!! DESPITE the horrible timing, she picks up and says she can’t really talk right now- but mulder wants to know more about this infection she found. 

he wants her to come to dallas with him, but she says she can’t, she has a hearing tomorrow!!! OH SHIT!!! the army men are approaching, but just in time she hides under the bodies…… very gross

now mulder is in a lab far away. looks like she did not accompany him to texas.

JUST KIDDING!!! SHE DID!!! she walks in right as he is told about some archaeological bone fragments!!

she didn’t want to come, but whatever those men were infected with has a protein code she has never seen before!! and i KNOW scully knows her protein codes!!! it is a serious health threat!!!

time to look at the fossils with a microscope. oh, whatever she sees is crazy, judging by the face she is making

(i thought it was so funny how he tells the dude in the lab he wanted her to explore the bones because it was so conveniently timed AND because they were archaeological remains that were thousands of years old, and i'm thinking, is she trained in archaeology? or is that implied with a training in forensic pathology? at what age is a bone no longer in her area of expertise?!)

back to the texas site…. the scary government people are going to try the vaccine. BLEH, whatever was in that guy has come free through his chest!!!!!!!!!!! bronschweig is looking around all over the place, freaking tf out!!!! where did it go?!!!!!

bronschweig says he can see it?? in a cave.

it looks slimy. and kinda little? he’s loading up a syringe with some sort of liquid that must be the vaccine, but then it vanishes!!!

OH. IT IS NOT LITTLE. NOT LITTLE AT ALL!!!!

GIRL. IT EATED HIM!?!!!! bronschweig stabs the alien fellow with the vaccine, but the other scientists lock him down in the hole because he has been mauled!!!!!!! and they bury him!!!! damn!!! there are truly no alliances in this alien business!!!!

why are we in england now? OHHHHH! IT’S WELL-GROOMED MAN!!! his butler says he has a call….

(okay, yeah, his name is “well-manicured man”, as the subtitles show, but come on!! it’s been 5 seasons of me calling him the wrong name!! i can’t switch it up now!!)

CSM says there is an emergency meeting TONIGHT. and strughold called it- whoever tf that is.

i have a feeling i am supposed to be most sympathetic towards well-groomed man. especially as he runs for what i presume to be his crying grandchild who hurt their knee. he was also the only one to advocate for working alongside the resistance, which morally elevated him above the others. but still. he is IN the alien groupchat, which you do not enter by being a morally clean fellow

syndicate meeting time!! who is this strughold fellow? aww, well-manicured man’s grandson broke his legs :(

so, breaking news: the alien virus has mutated into a new entity! they need to reevaluate their role in the colonization! well-groomed man points out that they have been used this whole time!! and they dismiss all of his wisdom!

so, they are once again going to ignore his advice of trying to have any hope. but there have been complications… allow us to look at a TV to illustrate

it is mulder and scully on the security footage!!! someone must have tipped him off to what is going on!! and they suspect kurtzweil. so he must go. and so must mulder.

but if they kill mulder, they risk turning one man's quest into a wider crusade… so they must take away what he cannot live without… 

cut to scully!!!! NOOOOOO!

ahhhhh!! i left off at 54:52, i feel that this is an okay place to leave for the night, because my writeups take so long. i started this almost 2 hours ago, and i think a break is appropriate here. so! until tomorrow!!!

ahhhh… so many things to analyze. while trying to fall asleep, i couldn’t stop thinking about the following: scully teasing mulder at the very beginning of the film; how she doesn’t want to work for the FBI anymore without him, and how she no longer feels she can make a change there (and how she Needs to make change rather than simply earn a paycheck); how she is trying to find her place in life still; his sadness at this fact; how he went to the bar and got smashed to cope, spilling his guts out to the waitress, clearly crushed that the world thinks he’s a joke when he doesn't have the answers to dull the pain; how he showed up to scully’s place drunk and she was confused, and the careful line of their relationship was being walked upon when he did so, but she still followed him into the hospital; and then how she immediately started nerding out about the goopy guy, and then hid in the morgue to autopsy him!!!!! and then there’s the whole thing with the well-groomed man and the aliens and colonization and blah blah blah, but come on!! i want my babies back together!! kicking ass and taking names!!! so.

part 2 shall commence shortly!

[underworld-park-offical]

TWEEK: Okay

TWEEK: You

TWEEK: Mister

TWEEK: Tinfoil

TWEEK: Hat

TWEEK: Guy

KENNY: Stan

TWEEK:  What

KENNY: His names Stan

TWEEK: Okay

TWEEK: Cool

TWEEK: I'm not gonna remember that

TWEEK: You said you had

TWEEK: Like

TWEEK: A bunker

TWEEK: Right?

STAN: Yeah

CRAIG: Dog shit covered ahhh barn 💀

TWEEK: Why is he saying Skull emoji out loud

TOLKIEN: Not even WE know at this point

KYLE: We gotta get him to stop that

KYLE: It's more annoying than KYLE: ….Whatever….. Stan's got going on

CRAIG: Omg not you slandering me 💀

CRAIG: Don't even rn you look like the Goodwill shat you out

KYLE: Fuck you

KYLE: You know that Supreme hoodie isn't even real Supreme, right?

CRAIG: Lmao what

CRAIG: Me when I lie

KYLE: Nonononono

KYLE: Look look look

KYLE: It says “Souprem”

KYLE: It's fake merch dude

KYLE: Its as fake as those fucking yeezys

CRAIG: ….

KYLE: …Dude?

CRAIG: No that's my other hoodie

KYLE: Are you fucking serious

KYLE: You aren't even rich stop acting like you are

CRAIG: Nuh uh

KYLE: FUCK YOU MEAN NUH UH????

TOLKIEN: Kyle, just give it up

TOLKIEN: Trying to convince Craig he isn't rich is like trying to convince a toddler to wipe their own ass

TOLKIEN: It's not worth it

CLYDE: …. CLYDE: Why do I feel like that was directed towards me?

TOLKIEN: Because It was, Clyde

CLYDE: OH COME ON I WASH MY OWN ASS

TOLKIEN: NO THE FUCK YOU DO NOT YOU SMELL LIKE A TACO BELL CLYDE: FUCK YOU CLYDE: AT LEAST TWEEK LIKES ME TOLKIEN: OH SURE SURE SURE TOLKIEN: TWEEK DOESN'T ACTUALLY LIKE YOU TOLKIEN: THERE'S NO WAY SOMEONE LIKE TWEEK WOULD BE STUPID ENOUGH TO GO AFTER YOU, YOU FUCKING TESTOSTERONE FUELED SHITSTAN

CLYDE: THANK YOU FOR ACKNOWLEDGING I'M TRANS BUT FUCK YOU FOR INSULTING ME

TOLKIEN: YOU’RE VERY WELCOME, FUCK YOU TOO

CLYDE: YOU KNOW WHAT?? I BET YOU 30 BUCKS I CAN PULL IN TWEEK WITH MY MANLY AWESOMENESS

TOLKIEN: I BET YOU A MILLION DOLLARS YOU CAN'T

CLYDE: FINE

TOLKIEN: FINE

CLYDE: LETS FUCKING GO

CLYDE: I'LL ASK OUT TWEEK AND IT'LL BE THE MOST ROMANTIC THING EVER

STAN: Hmmm

STAN: At my barn we could like

STAN: Use my dad and my sister

STAN: As like

STAN: Food

KYLE: Dude no

KYLE: I am not resorting to cannibalism

CARTMAN: Kahl, you’ve eaten animals, that's basically like eating people

KYLE: Okay mr “forty big macs in one day”

CARTMAN: Uhm, actually they're vegan chicken patties KYLE

CARTMAN: ALSO did you just ASSUME my GENDER????

CARTMAN: YOU ARE GETTING C A N C E L L E D

CARTMAN: I WANT A TEAR RIDDEN UKELELE FILLED APOLOGY RIGHT NOW

KYLE: Oh my GODDDDD

KENNY: Actually studies show that most human meat is similar taste wise to chicken

CRAIG: I thought it was pork

CRAIG: Like

CRAIG: Deadass

CRAIG: Like pigs

CRAIG: Like deadass pigs

KENNY: We know what pork is CRAIG 

STAN: Yeah

STAN: So we’re fucking set

CARTMAN: Uhhh no thanks, i’d rather be one with the animals and eat dirt and hay

STAN: We don't even have animals

CARTMAN: I’ll just eat the weed then

STAN: What

KENNY: What

KYLE: What

CRAIG: LMAOOOOOOO IM DEADDDDDDD 💀 💀 💀 

CARTMAN: What???

CARTMAN: It's like eating catnip

CARTMAN: Besides its environmentally friendly

STAN: What's your source

CARTMAN: Wikipedia

STAN: Ooooof course it is

STAN: The internets lying to you, you know

CARTMAN: Fuck off, Stan, Queermo

STAN: IM TELLING THE TRUTH HERE

TWEEK: HhhhuGiyhvfdeiohjd

TWEEK: OKay

TWEEK: Cool

TWEEK: We’re set on a TOTALLY ANONYMOUS LOCATION

TWEEK: Awesome

TWEEK: Great

TWEEK: Dandy even!

TWEEK: Everyone

TWEEK: Lets hold hands

CRAIG: I am not touching Clydes fucking shitstained hands

TWEEK: Fine

TWEEK: I’ll hold Clyde's hand

TOLKIEN: Why do you wanna touch Clydes hands thats fucking nasty

CRAIG: For real

CRAIG: Preach ����🙏🙏

TWEEK: I don't care

TWEEK: It's just for a bit TWEEK: I can wash my own hands afterwards

CRAIG: EWWWW FAGS

CLYDE: Aww… really?? :D

TWEEK: Fine

TWEEK: Sure

TWEEK: Whatever

CLYDE: Nobody other than Tolkien has wanted to hold my hand before! :DD

TOLKIEN: Was that before or after I figured out you don't wash your hands

TWEEK: Who else is fine with

TWEEK: Touching Clyde

CRAIG: Stop making me have gay thoughts, Playboi Carti

TWEEK: What

TWEEK: I don't

TWEEK: I'm not

TWEEK: Just

TWEEK: Hold hands

TWEEK: You all have socks on

TWEEK: I think

TWEEK: So it's not gay

CARTMAN: Uhm erm erm erm

CARTMAN: Actually

CARTMAN: That's a homophobic statement

TWEEK: CRAIG SAID A FUCKING SLUR?????????

TWEEK: WHAT???????

TWEEK: IM TWEEK: HUH TWEEK: WHAT TWEEK: OKAY

TWEEK: JUST TWEEK: JUST HOLD HANDS TWEEK: STOP MAKING THIS HARDER FOR ME

CLYDE: Wow

CLYDE: I forgot CLYDE: What holding hands felt like

KYLE: Woah

KYLE: This reminds me of the first episode of My Little Pony

KYLE: Where

KYLE: Twilight and her friends

KYLE: Find the friendship trinkets or whatever

KYLE: And they reverse the curse on them that turns them into stone

KYLE: And they used them to like

KYLE: Defeat Nightmare Moon

KYLE: Turning her back into Princess Luna

KENNY: That was so fucking gay

KENNY: I feel like I'm gonna vomit rainbows because of you

CARTMAN: Kenny stop being homophobic

CARTMAN: I will cancel you again

KENNY: Fuck off I know that blue hair you wear online is a wig

CARTMAN: BITCH-

TWEEK: SHUT UP

TWEEK: ALL OF YOU TWEEK: MY SATAN

TWEEK: CAN YOU ALL GO LIKE TWEEK: TWO MINUTES WITHOUT FIGHTING AND OR DEGRADING EACH OTHER

KENNY: ….

CARTMAN: …. KYLE: …..

LITERALLY EVERYONE: …..

CRAIG: Slllaaa-

TOLKIEN: Dont

TOLKIEN: Just

TOLKIEN: Do not

TOLKIEN: Actually, you’ve lost speaking privileges

CRAIG: 😡

TWEEK: Alright

TWEEK: Is

TWEEK: Is everyone holding hands

CRAIG: yeah its like Kumbaya frfr

TOLKIEN: Stop talking

TWEEK: Okay

TWEEK: Alakazam

TWEEK: Alakazane

TWEEK: Im sending you off this mortal plane

KYLE: Wait wha-

CRAIG: Like And Subscribe! Like And Subscribe! Like And Subscribe! Like And Subscribe! Like And Subscribe!

KENNY: Yoooo

CRAIG: Like and Share! Like and Share! Like and Share!

TOLKIEN: Haaaaa

TOLKIEN: What

TOLKIEN: Was that

TWEEK: Magic Trick

TOLKIEN: What

TWEEK: Hey you have a lot of free time when you live in a dumpster

CRAIG: Copy link! Copy link! Copy link! Copy link! Copy link! Copy link!

TOLKIEN: Whatever, please for the sake of our brain cells, never do that again

KENNY: I dunno

KENNY: I thought that was pretty cool

CRAIG: Kombucha? I LLLOOOVVVEEE KOMBUCHA! Kombucha? I LOVE KOMBUCHA Kombucha? I LOVE KOMBUCHA Kombucha? I LOVE KOMBUCHA

TWEEK: Alright

TWEEK: Humans

TWEEK: Freaks

TWEEK: Whatever your names are

TWEEK: Get in the fucking barn

TWEEK: Now, quoting the safety psas from Estella,

TWEEK: Don't open the door for strangers, Don’t investigate any random noises, don't take any offers from strange men in white vans, don't help anyone, if anyone says they're friends of your parents do not trust them

TWEEK: And for goodness sake,

TWEEK: USE THE BUDDY SYSTEM

CRAIG: I'm addicted to Takis! I'm addicted to Takis! I'm addicted to Takis! I'm addicted to Takis!

STAN: One, what are we, five?

STAN: Second

STAN: It's a backup bunker, not  a barn

TWEEK: WHATEVER! JUST- GET IN

TWEEK: DO YOU WANNA LIVE OR NOT????

STAN: No

TWEEK: …

STAN: …

TWEEK: ….

STAN: ….

TWEEK: ….

TWEEK: O….

TWEEK: Kay…..

TWEEK: Just…..

TWEEK: Get in the barn

STAN: Fineeeee

STAN: Whatever

STAN: Fuck you

CRAIG: [ Gotta sleep in fucking pig shit this sucks fuck this ]

CLYDE: Hey

CLYDE: Hey CLYDE: Hey Tweek

TWEEK: Arrrghhh…What….

CLYDE: Do

CLYDE: Do you

CLYDE: Do you think

CLYDE: Do you think we CLYDE: Do you

CLYDE: Do you think we could

CLYDE: Maybe

CLYDE: Like

CLYDE: Go to like

CLYDE: Dennys

CLYDE: After this???

TWEEK: Whats

TWEEK: What's Dennys?

CLYDE: Oh

CLYDE: Uh

CLYDE: Maybe we could like

CLYDE: Go to Olive Garden then?

TWEEK: What

TWEEK: What's an olive?

TWEEK: And

TWEEK: And what's a Garden?

CLYDE: …

CLYDE: Oh you poor

CLYDE: Sweet

CLYDE: Summer child

CLYDE: You know what

CLYDE: I'm gonna take you to the Olive Garden

CLYDE: And you're gonna have the time of your fucking life

TWEEK: Uh

TWEEK: O

TWEEK: OKAY?????

CLYDE: Alright

CLYDE: I’ll see you there babe

TWEEK: Uh

TWEEK: UHHH

TWEEK: WHAT

TWEEK: DID YOU JUST CALL ME BABE TWEEK: WHAT???

TOLKIEN: Don’t fall for that shit

TOLKIEN: He doesn't wash his hands

TOLKIEN: Or his ass

TWEEK: Why's that relevant?

TOLKIEN: IT'S FUCKING DISGUSTING?????

TWEEK: CHILL OUT IT'S NOT THAT BAD

TOLKIEN: YES IT IS??????

TWEEK: …Whatevs

TOLKIEN: ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS????

(edits made by @pissblanket)

[ablizmal]

hello!! this is my selfship introductory post!!!

(i’m posting two versions of this post— one with all these lovely little gifs, and one without, as i know some people can be sensitive to them <33)

my dearly beloved selfship is lawliz 🥰 (or lawlizzie if i want it to sound even cuter lol).

it’s of. uhhhhhh. me and the sweets loving detective from death note/// 👉👈

(no this isn’t suggestive, it’s just y2k in-universe and i LOVE y2k clothing lol)

some basics on the selfship!!!

we appear to be solar opposites in a bunch of different ways!

he’s calm and collected, always keeping things to himself unless he wants to ruin someone’s entire life and be painfully blunt about something HAKDJAHDSJS. whereas i seemingly am open, emotional, and spirited!!

my alias is “juliette rae ambers” (YES i created a full ass pseudo name dhsjdkajdjajajs). but to distinguish me irl and in-selfship-universe me, i’ll refer to my self insert as “juliette” whenever i talk about them.

L first met juliette through a past case, as they did some SHADY looking shit lmao. she’s just that eccentric and erratic <333

SO after spending some time with her, he eventually realizes they’re not apart of the case. like at ALL. but L basically goes “okay. wait, what the fuck’s wrong with her actually?” and continues to spend time with them because of that HAHAJDJSJSKSJS (again— juliette is eccentric and unpredictable.)

watari brings up how excited and affectionate juliette gets whenever he catches a glimpse of them together. L doesn’t get why watari is bringing this up. watari suggests that perhaps, juliette has a crush on L.

yeah, so L’s brain crashes DHSKDJSKDJAJHSAKS

he didn’t even think of that as a POSSIBILITY because he views himself as undesirable, ugly, creepy, etc (🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺)

so L brings this up with juliette. she denies it terribly (because they’re such a mess when they’re flustered), but after relenting, L reveals that he brought it up because he’s interesting in learning more about it. he has trouble identifying his own emotions and hasn’t been in love before, so he asks me to be apart of a study. it’s just information, essentially, letters detailing specific sensations and lovey dovey thoughts i get of him.

i agree to it because i LOVE psychology and have always wanted to be apart of a psychological study!

but at this point, L isn’t in love with me. he slowly falls over time, much to his mental debates on if it’s “ethical” or not. (he’s overthinking it!!! ALSO, WOW, L thinking about morals when it comes to someone?? they must be a ~special someone~ to him 🤭)

the stoic character who keeps to himself is (mutually) in love with the visually expressive, musically inclined jester!!! (does this make sense 😭)

juliette is with L throughout the entire kira case. the first time the taskforce meets L, she’s just standing to his right side (it’s a whole thing) in a lolita getup, so they assume, like watari, that juliette is a maid to L of sorts. but NO, juliette just fucking LOVES fashion lmaooooooo

ANYWAYS, what i’m trying to get to is that juliette loves music. it connects to them on such a deep level, and they love to sing and entertain. so sometimes, as a break/interlude in the kira case, she sings and plays songs. (they’re oddly captivating… just like a performer at an event.)

L can’t have the taskforce knowing him and juliette’s interpersonal relationship, so he and juliette have silently agreed to refer to each other as “associates” whenever the question comes up.

juliette talks out loud a lot as a habit. but, again, she likes to be entertaining first and foremost, so she only says things she thinks will be the most intriguing. she can keep to herself just fine. but L knows. he knows how intentional everything they do is. he can relate, and is intrigued about this part of them. and without fail, he listens, catalogues, and responds to everything she says U///U because he caaaaares 🥹🥹🥹 (much to light’s annoyance during the case lol)

once misa starts to reside in the taskforce headquarters, you fucking KNOW she and juliette would become ✨fashion besties✨ヽ(>∀<☆)ノ 💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖

juliette is very silly, laidback, loose, witty, thoughtful, and compassionate. will and has been promptly serious when the time calls for it.

juliette has forced L to watch rocky horror with them so. many. times. it’s now their couple movie of sorts aha <3

juliette cannot STAND light. he’s such an arrogant bitch baby, so she insults and burns him constantly (which L… enjoys 👀 JFKSJFKSJDKSJS, HE LOVES THE FACT THAT I CAN DEFEND MYSELF AND THAT I’M NOT A DOORMAT)

it’s so interesting to listen to these two talk. cause like, L is formal, a bit oddly polite in his wording, and naturally uses long words here and there. juliette, on the other hand, is very casual in speech. she casually swears, she refers to others with “dude,” “bro,” and “man,” and uses some slang words here and there. the taskforce members gawk at the sheer contrast sometimes.

so juliette’s mainly goth, right?? misa introduces her to the fashion, and she fucking loves it. her usual goth color combo is hot pink and black!!

…buuuuuut, juliette likes fashion in general, so sometimes she wear “pretty in pink” ass y2k outfits, then at other times glam rock-y, then gritty type of clothing, then elegant, they girly, then—

L loves to see whatever outfit they come up with (he for sure spoils the FUCK out of her hahajdjsjsja awwwwwwwww 😊 <333)

THEY’RE LITERALLY THE “plain boyfriend + alt girlfriend” COUPLE DHSKDHKADJKASJKASJAJA

i could go on and on, but this is an INTRODUCTORY post, soo……….. these are the basics of their dynamic!! i will post art, fics, and just ramble posts in general talking about it!!! :]

you can find more content in my “accidental emo boy meets intentional goth girl(gender neutral)” tag on here, OR on my new, selfship only account @lawliz-indulgence !

i love this little selfshipping community, xxx (✿ᴗ͈ˬᴗ͈)

[sketchehm]

Omg you're so right about serpias. Bro's one of the ones that spoil him the most. I do remember when shadoune and sapnap were grinding for wildfire, and sapnap lost two totems. All team mafia freaked out and was like omg are you OK? And serpias was like have wildfire you can come back. (Sapnap laughed and said "oh now you have wildfire.") Like you gotta take your lumps sapnap, but the moment he uses a totem a switch goes off in half their brains just to protect their dumb gringo.

This takes place after the whole bastion event. I do have another idea of sylvee and sapnap getting into mischief, and the song "I can wait to be king" and that whole scenario with like Juan nutria having to watch them because peele is offline, and he's like "bah how hard can it be." Very hard when all the other nutrias love the dumb kids and their antics. Even the admins get in on it. Then they get away from him for a bit, but this is around the time that reapers spawn so when they leave the mountain to adventure and get sent to limbo.

Then both the teams see in the chat that both sylvee and sapnap are in limbo and freak the hell out. Haven't ironed out the details, but Farfa comes in and is like Mufasa and saves them from the danger, and sends sylvee home and gives Sapnap the same lesson that mufasa gives simba about being brave. I definitely don't have a favorite dynamic at all lmaooooooo

LMAO

Lil baby sylvee and sapnap running around and having fun with the nutrias!! Peele is off charging maybe!

I imagine Juan is like so fucking tired of the other nutrias and admins making his babysitting so much harder and is like "YAAA BASTAAA" and giving them all a stern talking to....and it's that moment both the babies run off hehe

They have their lil "IM GONNA BE AMAZING WHEN I GROW UP" moment!! Sapnap imagining being as awesome as Farfa, admiring and stuff. Sylvee teasing him like "your too short to be like farfa haha"

They just run and and wander! And then. They're suddenly in limbo! And. Like. Where'd the sunshine go :(

The notif goes out and Farfa just screaming from the base and could be heard from the mountain all comical like "ADONDE ESTA MI HIJOOOOOOO"

Juan knows he's in deep shit now.

Anyways the babies are crying and scared :(

I imagine once Farfa gets into limbo he can hear the babies screaming and crying and he's just yelling their names!! Trying to find them!!!! He finds then being chased by an eyeball, and while he's able to swoop the two babies, ya gotta stare at the eyeball to make it go away. Quick lesson in trust and bravery ya know, farfa being able to convince the babies to stare it down and be brave!!!

(And you know that thing with toddlers like....if one thing works, it should work on everything! Aha anyways)

The babies learning yea! They have their own strength they killed that hecking eyeball!! With their hecking MIND!!!

Although I imagine as soon as that's over it catches back up to them and they just start bawling in farfa's arms TwT They were so scared!!

The rest of the teams waiting for them back in the overworked, Sylvee's team hugging her tight, saying she should know better!!! But shes just a baby!! They're all glad she's safe and going home now doe <3

Farfa bring Sapnap home and giving him a lil stern talking to as they journey back (it's a fucking long journey....) but it leads to Sapnap learning he's braver than he thinks! He may be small now! But he's gonna grow up big and strong one day too and he's gotta be brave for that to happen!

"I'm gonna grow up like you?"

"Si, si...un día nene. One day."

Baby sapnap all passed out by the time they make it to the base, the rest of the members all so relieved he's back safe and sound.

(The rest of the members tease Farfa like "Your son huh??" Farfa tells them to shut up.)

[diagonal-queen]

thungo thursday: oh god bones please don't fuck this up

manga spoilers for this one boys

gotta love how teruko was FULLY ready to murder atsushi no issue but now she's like 'gimmie a piggyback SLAVE'

also atsushi always going like 'im a tiger not a cat' does he??? not know?? that tigers????? are just big cats????

atsushi is incompatible with gay sadists (including but not limited to yosano, akutagawa, kouyou, teruko)

nevermind lol

OMG KENJI AND TECCHOU 1V1 LETS GOOOOOOOO

okay i love tecchou, he's a great character, and so is jouno. but seeing kenji get hurt in any capacity fills me with a mighty rage and now i think tecchou deserves at least one passionate backhand from yours truly

BABY ATSUSHI NOOOOOOOOO

YESSSS GET FUCKED TECCHOU (i love you but like if i really had to choose between you and kenji...it's a no brainer babe)

also i'm legit like kenji fr. i couldn't give a shit if people like try to hurt me or whatever im like ok, but if anyone tries to hurt my friends i get unbelievably pissed about it and genuinely will throw hands

FUCK yeah they actually did kenji right. i was so worried about how they would animate this lmao but they actually did it properly good job bones

omg tecchou it literally doesn't matter if jouno would have wanted you to save him. the fact is that you tried to do it anyway and that speaks volumes (YOU'RE GAY YOU'RE A FUCKING QUEER)

you have to wonder if kenji admires chuuya in part due to the fact that he understands the difficulty behind CHOOSING to be nice when you're actually hated by the world and full of rage because of it. fuck maybe i kin kenji more than i thought. i also am one of those people who doesn't care if someone hurts me but if they hurt my loved ones i get fully pissed and will throw hands

KENJI AND TECCHOU'S FRIENDSHIP IS SO WHOLESOME OMGGGGG also did tecchou really not know the names of the detective agency? maybe that information was withheld from the hunting dogs in order to get them to subconsciously dehumanise the agency, so they wouldn't be swayed by the agency's efforts to prove their own innocence as easily...then again jouno recognised kunikida immediately so mayb not...

i love how sigma was called a three year old by dazai and he just...didn't react. no 'i'm not three years old' or 'technically i'm an adult', just -_-

FYODOR DUCKING TO GET UNDER THE DOOR WHILE CHUUYA JUST WALKS THROUGH LMAOOOOO

LMAOOOOOOO SIGMA BBY HE'S SO EASILY SWAYED (me too bub.) BABY YOU'RE ALREADY WAY SUPERIOR TO FYODOR. also dazai saying 'he's the atsushi kun type' bro i know. they're two of my top three bsd kins. I'M the atsushi kun type. also sigma looks so cute when he's thinking so hard i wanna boopdesnoot

why the fuck did they animate fyodor to be like 'chuuya san!' in the most babygirl voice ever, they even gave him emotions and everything wtf

'the walls are anti-gifted' ARE THEY ANTI ARAHABAKI THOUGH (don't come for me i havent fully read 15 or stormbringer i dont know if arahabaki is an ability or not im maKING A JOKE GUYS ITS A FUCKING JOKE!!!)

not the cutesy wink dazai oh my fucking god stop trying to rizz up sigma real quick and JUST KILL FYODOR

oh yeah are they ever gonna fucking explain timestopper catgirl?? she was there for like two seconds and then she was offed by fyodor once he escaped the water. like???? huh???? WHAT WAS EVEN THE POINT BESIDES THE VERY LAZY PLOT DEVICE?????? also she looks like a mha character i think people have already said this but she doesn't belong here she belongs in mha

how do mersault prisoners go peepee and poopoo

OH MY GOD THEY DID IT RIGHT!!!!!!! THEY DID IT PROPERLY!!!! YESSSSSSS

'goodbye' MAMORU MIYANO YOU DESERVE THE WORLD FOR THAT YOU LEGENDARY MAN I WANT TO KISS YOU ON THE LIPS YOU'RE THE MAN EVER

aya is smarter than i'll ever be how on earth does she think of this stuff. you go girl i cant wait for you to save the world

she doesn't take ANY of bram's bullshit she's just amazing

how did bram grow back his eye

bram when aya normally: aya you foolish peasant smh ur dumb bram when aya is in danger: 😰😰😰😱😱💥💥💥 😠😠😠😠😠

well that was a ride! im stuffed. i might need to pull a bram and take a nap. i feel bad for the anime onlys who now think chuuya's dead yikes yall

[boneheadboner]

Error can't catch a break in the Depths in Despair UTMV

This is absolute stupid crack shit I came up with, to sum up Error's experience throughout the stories I have planned.

SUFFICE TO SAY? Spoilers for the shit I'll write eventually.

Error: [Has kidnapped Sonia from her universe] Well this fucking sucks. Error: This stupid anomaly exists when she's supposed to be a dead NPC in literally every iteration of her existence. Sonia: Uhhh, hellooo, I have a name??? Error: AND this stupid anomaly has been mucking around in the main universe. Error: You know what we do with those? Sonia: Uhhh... Let them live? Error: NOPE! We Delete them. Sonia: [Being deleted] Hey, this is actually pretty painful? Can you maybe not-- Error: This is taking too long. Error: Whatever, it's already in process of happening, it'll do it's thing. Error: I gotta go get rid of more anomalies and flip off Ink, seeya. Sonia: ... Well this sucks. Sonia: I hoped at least it would be quick, but... this is... Extremely painful. Sonia: Well... At least no one has to see me go out... Snafu (Error!Paps): [POPS IN] OHHAI THERE~! [ An indeterminate amount of time later] Error: [Comes back to the antivoid]

Error: Welp, that was fun. Error: Alright, time for some Undernovella. Error: Error: Error: Error: I sense a disturbance in the force. [Peeks at different AUs by changing the channel.] Error: [Finds out that not only did he fail to delete Sonia... But he has fucked up so much, that now he's essentially caused new divergences of AUs to crop up. Because there's now fragments of the bitch he tried to delete that wound up IN those AUs to cause the divergences.] Error: Error: Oh shit. Error: Error: Oh fuck. Error: Oh shit fuck fuck fuck fuck Error: Error: Error: I can't let Ink find out about this. Error: he's NEVER going to let me live it down!!! [Petty manchild self proclaimed god of destruction goes on warpath to hunt down every damn fragment to delete... Only to find out they keep glitching out and sending fragments of their memory to other remaining living fragments.] Error: S$#% f*$& #*&$# S*%$&Y#(* of a %#$*$R#*& thank fuck Ink didn't notice-- Ink: OHAI RURU Error: Please die, also is that a new swap you have? Ink: LMAO yeah we've had him for 2 weeks! He's fucked up! Blue, this is Ruru! He's the multiverse God of Destruction! Blue: ERRR... GREAT WAY TO LET A GUY KNOW HE'S A RED SHIRT. Dream: Ink, that's insensitive, and Error, don't you dare. You already are at least 80% responsible for the last 5 swaps we've had dusting. Blue: [deadpan] WOWZERS, YOU ALL HAVE SUCH HIGH HOPES FOR ME. Error: .... LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO Error: Hey, hey pissbaby, guess what?! Error: When I'm done thrashing you idiots? Error: I'm going to stop by your universe and say hi to your brother! Error: And then I'll delete the whole mistake of a universe~! Blue: [Drops the cheerful tone] 'Scuse me? Error: And I'll make sure he's the last person I delete!!! LMAO Ink: Ohhh, Ruru always says these things, he's so funny!!! Bwahahaha~!! Dream: [UNSETTLED] Uh, Blue, don't do anything-- Error: What? Gonna cry?? Error: Gonna beg me not to??? Error: Gonna piss yourself before you dust from a SOULattack?? Error: LMAOOOOOOO---[Proceeds to get fucking OPM'd through 3 goddamn buildings, as Blue gravityhax'd close to him before punching him] Dream: UHHH-- Ink: [Trying to bodyblock Blue from Error's path] Aw Bluuuue, he was just playiiii-- Blue: [Completely dead tone] Ink? Get between me and him, And you're next. Ink: .... OKAY~! [STEPS ASIDE] Blue: [Proceeds to catch up EZPZ through gravity hax, to Error while he is Yamcha'd on the ground.] Blue: [Grabs the back of Error's head, and starts slamming his face into the pavement in a move to (almost successfully) turn Error's face into an empty cavity]

Error: [FINALLY recovers from the shock of the first hit, and tries to defend himself with his strings] Blue: [Proceeds to loop those strings quickly around his own arm, and then loop them around Error's neck. Blue starts pulling on it in a move to either strangle Error, or sever his head off from how hard he's pulling it.] Error: HEY THAT'S CHEA%$*T(&%($#$#&*$#@(&#@* Blue: [completely dead tone] You listen to me, pal. Blue: Monster, Immortal, god, I don't care what you are. Blue: If you so much as breathe the same universe's air that my little brother breathes? Error: Blue: I'm going to break your metatarsals and metacarpals, and slowly work my way up. Blue: Bit by bit, bone by bone, Until all that's left of you is a skull. Error: Blue:[Cheerful tone] OH, BUT DON'T WORRY. YOU'RE A GOD, RIGHT? THOSE ARE SUPPOSED TO BE IMMORTAL LAST I CHECKED~. Error: Blue:[completely dead tone again] And that means I can wait for all those bones to grow back, just to break them all over again. Error: Blue: You're going to wish you were mortal, just so that way death could save you from me.

Error: Blue: [CHEERFUL TONE] SO, JUST SO WE'RE CLEAR? [Dead tone] stay the fuck away from my little brother. Error: [Clawing desperately at the strings around his neck, dealing with being overwhelmed by physical contact] eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee Blue: Understood? [Cheery] GOOD~! GLAD WE COULD HAVE THAT TALK~. YOU'RE SUCH A GOOD LISTENER, MR. ERROR. [Gives the strings one LAST harsh pull, before letting go of them] Error: [IMMEDIATELY SCAMPERS AWAY FROM BLUE] AAA$#$@%@%@A#$@&(*$*@^^!@*&AAA#(^!@*&(%^#AAAA@&(%$@AAAA(^(#)@*&^ Blue: [Smug as SHIT] Error: [Teleports up into the air, before tearing a hole to the Anti-void quick and using his scarf to hide his absolutely shattered and crumpled in nose and busted teeth] Error: $#*%&@(@ @*#&@(&%!@)(%@ FUCK YOU Error: FUCK YOU, YOU SUCK. Blue: Shucks, pal. Whip it out so I can. Error: !!!!!!!!! Error: *&$^#*&$^@ #$*@&(#&( FUCK ING WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?! Blue: A lot. Want me to get the list??? Error: $#&^*$#^&*%^@*^%&*@ SCREW THAT I'M OUT. [YEETS HIMSELF INTO THE ANTIVOID, CLOSING IT BEHIND HIM] Ink: [Catches up, missing ALL of the shit Blue just subjected Error to] Ink: HI BLUE!!! Where did Ruru go? Blue: OH, HE JUST LEFT~! Dream: [Catches up as well] BLUE ARE YOU OKAY?! Blue: OF COURSE~! SHUCKS, YOU SHOULD SEE THE OTHER GUY! LIKE WOWZERS, I THINK I FELT HIS NASAL BONE BUST. Dream: ..... Ink: .... Dream: ... [A bit horrified] Oh by the stars... Ink: ... DID YOU GET A PICTURE??? Wow!!! Ruru with a busted in nasal bone, I never thought of that!!! I wanna draw it, but I don't know what one looks like. Blue: ... WOWZERS, AND YOU SAID I WAS A LITTLE FUCKED UP! Ink: Hey Dream-- Dream: NO, Ink, just... No. Ink: But-- Dream: We are NOT seeking out a busted human skull just for you to get an idea of what that might look like. Ink: Awwwwwwwwwwh Blue: ..... So is it like... A sex thing orrrrrrrrrr??? Dream: Hyperfixation, actually... Ink: OH, I'VE DRAWN SEVERAL GOOD PICTURES OF RURU'S PPs!!! WANNA SEE?! Dream: Ink no-- Blue: ... You SURE that isn't a sex thing???? Dream: [Facepalming] Ink: [Is happy screeching because Blue didn't give him a no] [MEANWHILE, IN THE ANTIVOID] Error: [Fuckign sobbing while listening to Christina Aguilera's "Beautiful"] Error: THIS IS FUCKING BULLSHIT Error: I GOT THRASHED BY A SWAP Error: A SWAP!!!! Error: [GROSS SOBBING] Error: I CAN'T FEEL MY NASAL BONE, AND MY TEETH ARE LOOSE. Error: WHAT THE FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK [MORE GROSS SOBBING] I AM BEAUTIFUL, NO MATTER WHAT THEY SAYY... WORDS CAN'T-- Ink: [Has gotten in somehow] OHHAI RURU~! Error: [THE LOUDEST GLITCH SCREAMING OF TERROR]

[atinylittlepain]

ummm 🤔💘💔 for Jo?? (I'll be so honest bestie these might not be the questions I originally thought of because I think I messed up the emojis in my head)

lmaooooooo i feel you, non, that list was fucken long - but thank you for asking :')

🤔 what are some of your oc's quirks/mannerisms?

Climbers can definitely tend toward superstition, little quirks and rituals before a climb or an expedition - Jo doesn't buy into it, not really, except Steve picks up very quickly on some of her tells when she's nervous or antsy - when she's gym climbing, it's a series of movements right before she starts on the wall, she kicks one heel against the other, then does the same with the other heel, interlaces her fingers almost like a prayer a few times, and then gets to climbing. out on larger expeditions, she has a tendency toward checking and re-checking equipment - making sure there's enough oxygen tanks, that her crampons are fitting onto her boots right - definitely a sign of nerves, though she'd never admit it

💔 what are three of your oc's negative traits?

woof, okay

Jo can be a bit of a hothead lmao - I mean, the climbing world back in the 80s-90s was still heavily dominated by men, she learned fast how to deal with the douchebags and assholes intent on "conquering" a climb - she has no problem telling expedition clients (and other climbers in general) exactly how it is, and exactly what she thinks, in sometimes crude, and always blunt language - it's definitely landed her in hot water before

vulnerability gives her hives - she has a very hard time expressing her emotions (Steve said I love you first, Jo spent the next week apologizing for how she froze up in response) and as a result she can sometimes come off cool to a fault, and if she feels like someone is getting too close for comfort, she will try to push them away

she can get a little one-track-minded when it comes to what she does - a new climbing route, a new ascent, whatever it is, she will go again and again and again until she gets it right and gets it best - she's put her body through the ringer because of it - several broken bones, altitude sickness, you name it - but she's cooled down a lot about all that as she's gotten older

💘 what and/or who does your oc consider the most important to them?

I think this question grazes what is at the heart of the conflict for Jo and Steve - for the longest time, what has been the most important thing to both of them has been the next climb, the next expedition, the next ascent - they always need to be pushing in this way - however, there's also this other pull now because they've become the most important thing to each other, and they're still trying to figure out how to reconcile that need to push, to always be moving, with this new need to be with the person they love, and to build a real life together

this was fun, come ask me a Q about my OCs if you want!

[just-some-random-blogger]

First of all I'm re-reblogging this because I'm finally gonna finish reading it. Second of all, I said I wasn't gonna spam reblog this because I already did that. But HIT DIGGITY DOG I CANT NOT REACT THIS WAS TOO GOOD.

I agree with past Hani. She spoke facts. Bars. No comment.

Except I do. So feel free to do a side by side analysis on what has changed in my brain since then lmaaaoo

“These student loan repayments are fucking killing me. I’ve basically worked an entire week for free this month.” She complains, taking a huge swig from her glass.

“These student loan repayments are fucking killing me. I’ve basically worked an entire week for free this month.” She complains, taking a huge swig from her glass.

😨😨😔😔😔💀💀💀 I felt that it do be like that sometimes sister

“You could give being a sugar baby a try?” Mysaria says with a smirk over the rim of her wine glass.

HUH. AHAHAHAH. NO WAIY IM HUH-ING MYSELF COS I REREAD MY PREVIOUS REBLOG NOW I DONT EXACTLY REMEMBER WHAT MY REACTION TO THUS WAS HAHAHHAH. I think it was: LMAO UNPROVOKED??? HAHAHAHAHAH SLAY MYSARIA BAD BITCH INFLUENCE

The idea of taking money from a stranger in order to pay her bills makes her incredibly uneasy.

The idea of taking money from anyone makes me feel uneasy 🙃

Larys, 45. Tell me all your secrets.

It's still a 😬 for me your honor

I’d be better if I could get a look at your pretty feet. How much?

No tagline, no other photos, save the one of him staring directly into the camera. He seems intense and mysterious.

Modern!aemond af:

A bit much innit

I don’t do small talk. Tell me about yourself.

The AUDACITY 😦😦😦 HAHAHAHHAHAHAAH WHAT AN ASSHOLE. He said that the way he said thjs

How much? And are you free Saturday night?

My love language is money 🫶 OK BUT WW LOVE A DIRECT KING HE REALLY SAID NO NONSENSE AND I LOVE IT

Her mouth runs dry when after a few minutes her banking app pings with a notification of a deposit. The full amount she owes on her student loan has been transferred to her under the name ‘A. Targaryen.” 

MANIFESTING AN A. TARGARYEN TRANSFER TO MY BANK ACCOUNT. MANIFESTING AN A. TARGARYEN IN MY LIFE. IF YOU CANT GIVE ME A. TARGARYEN, GIVE ME D. TARGARYEN PLS PLS I BEG

Transferred. Give me your number, I hate the messaging interface on this app.

💀💀💀😭😭😭😭😭 HES SO FUCKING FUNNY I CANT ID CLOWN HIM SO BAD FOR THIS SHIT NGL. BOOOMMEERRRRR LMAOOOOOOO AHHAHAHAH

There’s a note that simply reads: Wear this tomorrow - A.

🤨😠 don't tell me what to do

“You must be Aemond.” She says, praying her make-up is enough to hide the evidence of how hot her face currently feels.

“Mmm. Yes, I must. You look good.”

GIGGLING. TUCKING MY HAIR. KICKING MY FEET.

“Relax.” He whispers to her. “Everyone here looks like shit compared to you.”

Am i

better than everyone else

True to his word, he doesn’t let her stray from his side the entire evening. The tension between family members is unmistakable. The sneers with which a trio of dark haired young men regard Aemond is incredibly off putting.

NDSUJJEJWB NO BUT FOR WHAT HAHAHAHAH I CAN IMAGINE THE VELARYON BOYS BEING SO BROODY AND JSJAJAJAJ

Every touch of his hand at the small of her back feels like a brand [...]

BRAND ME. NOW!!!!!!

Remembering that none of this was real, that she’d been paid to be here startles her out of her tipsy fantasy that this is an actual relationship and her mouth presses into a tight line as she nods.

😩😔😔😔😔 WHAT ARE YOU DOING GET BACK INTO YOUR DELUSIONS. JOKES ON YOU IM DRUNK ON LIFE 😠😠😠 GET WITH THE PROGRAM

“If you’re up for it, my mother is having a birthday meal this Wednesday. She mentioned tonight she’d love for you to come. Are you available? I’ll pay you, obviously.”

What if I don't want you to pay me? What if I want you to marry me? What then huh? What then?

His grip on her shoulders tightens, pushing her back ever-so gently. “You don’t need to do that.”

YOU IMBECILE. YOU BUFFOON. YOU ABSOLUTELY CANDLESTICK. I AM OVER THIS TOMFOOLERY. I AM DONE WITH THIS HUBBA. HAJIMA 🙅‍♀️🙅‍♀️🙅‍♀️🙅‍♀️🙅‍♀️🙅‍♀️

Who Taught You How to Love Like That? - Chapter One

Pairing: Modern!Aemond Targaryen x female character (third person) Warnings: Sugar daddy/sugar baby dynamics. Word count: ~2.5k Series masterlist

Chapter summary: Desperate to pay off her student loans, she downloads a dating app with a twist, and makes an interesting match.

She sighs, her eyes scanning over the PDF of her payslip for the month, before locking her phone and letting it drop heavily onto the kitchen counter.

“Bad news?” Mysaria quirks an eyebrow, sliding a glass of wine across to her.

“These student loan repayments are fucking killing me. I’ve basically worked an entire week for free this month.” She complains, taking a huge swig from her glass.

“Bummer.” Her flatmate says. “Any way I can help?”

“Unless your mattress is secretly stuffed full of cash, no. Super Noodles for me for the rest of the month, once I’ve paid my share of the rent.”

“You could give being a sugar baby a try?” Mysaria says with a smirk over the rim of her wine glass.

She laughs, rolling her eyes. “Yeah, or take up pole dancing lessons and become a stripper!”

“I’m being serious.” Mysaria, puts her glass down and pulls out her phone, flicking to the App Store and typing. “See? There are loads of apps, why not give it a try?”

“Isn’t that just prostitution?” She wrinkles her nose in disgust.

“Hey!” Mysaria chides. “Sex work is real work, but this isn’t prostitution. Most of these guys are just desperate, lonely guys who earn big bucks and are willing to spoil you in exchange for a conversation or a few selfies. You don’t even have to sleep with any of them…unless you want to.”

“I think I’ll pass, thanks.”

Even if she did go through with it, she was inexperienced, and would surely be a disappointment to any potential sugar daddies she might attract. She’d had one boyfriend in her entire life, it had lasted six months and they’d never gone beyond unsatisfying quickies that focused entirely on his pleasure. The idea of taking money from a stranger in order to pay her bills makes her incredibly uneasy.

They’re half way through their second bottle of wine as she scrolls through her phone. Mysaria is snoring softly on the sofa next to her, while an episode of some trashy reality TV show plays away to itself in the background.

Her thoughts keep drifting back to her flatmate’s mention earlier in the evening of sugar babies. She knows it’s likely the wine inspiring her actions, but she finds herself scrolling through the same apps they’d looked at previously.

Seeing one with particularly good reviews, she presses download before she’s had a chance to think twice about it and then goes through the process of setting up a profile, picking the best photo she has of herself on her camera roll.

Her heart races as she swipes with shaky fingers through photos of a myriad of men. She stops when she sees the look of one she likes.

Larys, 45. Tell me all your secrets.

His curly brown hair and piercing blue eyes immediately capture her attention, and she enjoys the flirtatious nature of his tagline. She swipes right and is stunned when she gets an “It’s a match!” notification. Wow, that was fast.

Instantly a message pops up from him.

Hello beautiful. How are you this evening?

She smiles, this seems harmless enough.

I’m fine, thanks. Just watching TV. How are you?

Her eyes linger on the screen as she awaits his reply.

I’d be better if I could get a look at your pretty feet. How much?

Bile rises in her throat and she throws the phone away from her in disgust. The worst possible start she could have asked for. She silently curses Mysaria’s stupid idea and vows never to open the app again.

Three weeks later and she is thoroughly fed up. She’s tired of never going out or doing anything, sick of existing on instant noodles. When she receives another payslip and sees yet another loan repayment has eaten away at her earnings, she reaches breaking point. She considers looking for another job, but she currently doesn’t qualify for anything beyond an entry level position in her field, and the pay everywhere else is no better than what she’s already on.

Her thumb lingers over the app that she hasn’t touched for weeks, too scarred by having such an awful first encounter to bother with it again. However, she’s desperate and willing to try anything - not with Larys though. She’s quick to unmatch with him, eager to forget his disgusting request.

She swipes mindlessly for a few minutes, not finding anyone attractive, until she happens across a photo that stops her in her tracks.

The man in question has sharp features - an aquiline nose, an impossibly chiseled jawline and sculpted cheekbones. His long white blonde hair frames his face elegantly, his only imperfection is the scar that runs across his left eye, a slightly duller blue than the right. She wonders if he’s still able to see out of it.

Aemond, 35.

No tagline, no other photos, save the one of him staring directly into the camera. He seems intense and mysterious. She swipes right, unable to fight the disappointment she feels when it’s not an instant match.

She closes the app, her desire to look at anyone else has been thwarted by how ridiculously good looking he is.

She has nearly forgotten about him when her phone buzzes the next day. He’s matched with her. She unlocks her phone, her palms sweaty with nerves, and looks at his message.

Hello.

Simple, to the point, possibly the words of a serial killer? She pushes the thought away and types out a response.

Hi. How are you?

She almost gives up and puts her phone away in the time it takes for him to reply, but eventually he does.

I don’t do small talk. Tell me about yourself.

Her eyes widen as she reads the message. He’s either incredibly rude or just not used to interacting with other people. She decides to give him the benefit of the doubt. She tells him about her history degree, about her museum job, about her living situation and her aspirations to one day become a curator of historical artifacts. He is unsurprisingly evasive when she attempts to ask about him.

So, what brings you to the app?

She decides there’s no point in hiding the fact that she’s strapped for cash, she wouldn’t be using an app that matches sugar babies with sugar daddies if that weren’t the case. She explains that her student loan repayments are crippling her, half expecting not to hear from him again. His next message is much quicker to arrive.

How much? And are you free Saturday night?

Dread gnaws at her stomach. Oh god, what does he expect of her? Hesitantly, she types out the remaining balance she has on her student loan and asks what he has in mind for Saturday. Again, he replies straight away.

Give me your bank details. I need a date for my nephew’s engagement party.

Her eyes widen. This cannot be real, and yet it’s happening. Dazed by his forwardness she sends across her account number and sort code, and tells him she’s free on Saturday.

Her mouth runs dry when after a few minutes her banking app pings with a notification of a deposit. The full amount she owes on her student loan has been transferred to her under the name ‘A. Targaryen.” 

Aemond has transferred her thousands of pounds as if it were nothing more than pocket change, and all under the loose agreement that she’ll attend a party with him. This man has to be obscenely wealthy, or insane, perhaps both.

Her phone vibrates again. Another message from him.

Transferred. Give me your number, I hate the messaging interface on this app.

With clammy hands and a pounding heart she types out an entirely too long, rambled message of thanks, along with her number.

She wonders if she’s blown it when she doesn’t hear from him again, yet the money still sits in her bank account, feeling as though it’s burning a hole in it. She hasn’t exactly played it cool, most sugar babies probably accept money with cool sophistication, not simpering words of gratitude.

She feels like she’s forgotten how to breathe when he texts her on Friday.

Tell me your address and dress size.

Once more, she’s taken aback by how blunt he is, yet she complies and provides both. 

When she arrives home from work later that evening, there is a package waiting for her. She opens it to reveal a black silk gown. The cut of the fabric is beautiful. Her jaw drops when she sees the Chanel label. This likely cost more than the entirety of the clothing she owns put together.

There’s a note that simply reads: Wear this tomorrow - A.

She smiles at the neatness of his handwriting. Aemond is a strange man, and yet she can’t help the intrigue she feels towards him. This is his second act of generosity towards her in the space of a week and they’ve yet to even meet.

She spends all of Saturday ensuring she is waxed, exfoliated and moisturised all over, before carefully styling her hair and applying make-up that she feels will do the eye-wateringly expensive dress she’s been given to wear justice. 

She is jittery with nerves when a sleek, black sports car pulls up outside the block of flats. She can just tell it’s Aemond, nothing that costs that much has any business being on this side of town otherwise.

She hurries downstairs to meet him, eager to avoid the embarrassment of him seeing the mess that is the inside of the pokey, little flat she shares with Mysaria.

He steps out of the car and she inhales sharply at the sight of him. He is tall, at least six foot easily, despite her wearing heels he still towers over her. A well tailored, black suit clings to his long, lithe form and his white hair is pulled back neatly into a bun that sits at the nape of his neck.

“You must be Aemond.” She says, praying her make-up is enough to hide the evidence of how hot her face currently feels.

“Mmm. Yes, I must. You look good.” His right eye rakes appreciatively over her form, and when his left doesn’t follow the motion, she realises it’s a prosthetic. “Shall we go?”

He gestures towards the car, walking around to the passenger’s side to open the door for her.

He fills her in on what’s expected of her as he drives. His nephew, Jace, has gotten engaged to his longtime girlfriend, Baela. He is sick of fending off questions around why he’s not with anyone yet, especially from that side of the family. He expects her to stick by his side for the evening and he’ll deal with any awkward questions that may arise.

They arrive and Aemond is ever the gentleman, quickly stepping out of the car to open the door for her and offer her a hand out. 

She shivers at the feel of his hand against hers and is stunned further still when he interlocks their fingers, keeping a firm hold of her hand as they enter the house.

“Just play along.” He whispers.

She is immediately struck by the opulence of it all as they walk through the foyer. This is a family that comes from old money. It was clear from the antique furnishings and vaulted ceilings that the Targaryens had always had money and always would.

She balks a little, unsure of if she will fit in, suddenly self conscious. Aemond seems to pick up on this.

“Relax.” He whispers to her. “Everyone here looks like shit compared to you.”

His words, combined with the tickle of his breath against the shell of her ear sends a shiver down her spine.

True to his word, he doesn’t let her stray from his side the entire evening. The tension between family members is unmistakable. The sneers with which a trio of dark haired young men regard Aemond is incredibly off putting.

She is informed by Aemond that the eldest of them is Jace, whose engagement they are here to celebrate. She meets Aemond’s mother, the doe eyed, auburn haired woman is pretty and seems shocked but delighted at the sight of her son with an actual date on his arm.

The lies that flow from his mouth are effortless. He had met her at the museum she works at when he’d come in to browse an exhibition. They’d hit it off instantly and been inseparable ever since.

Every touch of his hand at the small of her back feels like a brand and as the night goes on, and the champagne continues to flow freely, she finds herself eagerly playing up to the part of dutiful girlfriend. She leans into every touch, her eyes fluttering closed at the gentle press of his lips to her hairline. He is respectful, too respectful, never getting handsy or going for a full on the lips kiss.

When the evening draws to a close and he escorts her back to the passenger side of his car, she feels bereft at the loss of his touch as he moves around to the driver’s seat.

“You did well this evening.” He tells her as she starts the engine. “We put on quite the show.”

Remembering that none of this was real, that she’d been paid to be here startles her out of her tipsy fantasy that this is an actual relationship and her mouth presses into a tight line as she nods.

They drive in silence for a while before Aemond speaks again.

“If you’re up for it, my mother is having a birthday meal this Wednesday. She mentioned tonight she’d love for you to come. Are you available? I’ll pay you, obviously.”

So much for this not feeling like prostitution. She’s already paid off her student loan, she could just say no, but then she wouldn’t get to see him again.

“Y-yeah, sounds good.” She says meekly.

They pull up outside the block of flats and, right on cue, Aemond is striding around the car to get her door. She wobbles on her heels as she climbs out, the effects of the evening’s alcohol getting the better of her, and falls against his chest.

His large hands move to steady her by the shoulders and as she looks up into his face she is struck by how gorgeous he really is. 

Her eyes slowly close, as she leans in, her lips pressing towards his.

His grip on her shoulders tightens, pushing her back ever-so gently. “You don’t need to do that.”

Her eyes snap back open, shame coursing through her like liquid fire. “Oh…”

“I’ll text you the details about Wednesday. Thanks again for tonight.”

He gets back into the car, driving away as she stands on the kerbside, feeling thoroughly embarrassed.

[sarah-dipitous]

Hellsite Nostalgia Tour 2023 Day 228

Angel Heart

“Angel Heart”

Plot Description: Castiel and the brothers try to help Claire Novak find her missing mother in Oklahoma but discover a troubling connection

Would I Survive the First Five Minutes??: I wouldn’t want to…I’m dealing with enough of my own vivid dreams that cause emotional pain when I wake up. I don’t need hers too

Does a djin have her?? But it’s even worse because she just keeps waking up and going back to the beginning of the dream

Poor Claire 😭😭

Oh, she’s soooooooooo thrilled to see Dean there 🙃

Eventually Cas probably should let go of Claire and the responsibility he feels towards her. I get that she definitely needs SOMEONE looking out for her and while her mom’s MIA and Cas is now fully inhabiting the to scale replica of Jimmy Novak’s body, it’s good that she can have him, but Dean’s right. He is a CONSTANT reminder of someone she’s lost

I’m not sure that the way Sam is speaking to Claire is 100% appropriate for how near stranger in his 30s should speak to a teenage girl but…but they know each other just enough that when she sasses him, he’s gonna shut that down. He asked if she did all this looking for clues and traveling on her own (mostly hitchhiking) and whatnot just to tell off her mom. And when she sarcastically asked him if he always got along with his mom, he flat out told her that he never got the chance because she died when he was a baby

But he genuinely wants to help her do the work to find her mom. Cas and Dean want to find Amelia for her, Sam wants her to have the skills to do it herself

Ok…probably not a djin. But what IS this supposed faith healer?

It’s Claire’s birthday?? And Cas got her a Grumpy Cat plush from”the Hot Topical.” He’s so awkward and sweet 😭😭 (also I have that plush)

Dean’s gotta babysit Claire lmaooooooo

Man, now I’M conflicted. Sam says he shouldn’t leave Claire alone when this is done because she’s family…sort of. And she just shouldn’t be alone

Every moment of Dean and Claire is chef kiss. They HATE each other but are forced to spend time together…and are, for some reason, playing miniature golf now

So wait…if we’re dealing with another rogue angel on Earth…but potentially a high ranking one, who is it? (I’m just figuring that an angel SWORD would be given to higher ranking angels instead of an angel BLADE)

Dean, are you…you really are going to give that freshly 18 year old girl a GUN

It’s kind of amazing what differences in make up can do to a person. They did a really good job with the differences between dream Amelia and Amelia in reality……..hey, why are there so many characters named Amy or Amelia in this show??

So tell me how these angels started feeding on human souls though. They were watcher angels, put on Earth to protect humanity…I’m just saying Aziraphale would NEVER.

It’s not your fault, Amelia. You came here for help. You came to piece your family back together, and you were deceived.

No. Nooooooo, she didn’t deserve that. And Claire needed her!!!

How come Jimmy and Amelia get to be in heaven together but everyone else seemingly have their own separate heavens?? Why wasn’t Bobby reunited with his wife in heaven?? That episode wasn’t even that long ago!!

Honestly, leaving her with Jody is probably a good idea. I bet she and Alex could definitely get along

She kept the Grumpy Caaaaaaaaaat 😭😭😭 from the Hot Topical 😭😭😭😭😭

I’m glad she sees them all in a different light now

[heavyhitterheaux]

Terror Number One and Two

Hear My Heart Instagram AU

Liked by jackharlow, urbanwyatt, mckenzieee, badgalriri, champagnepapi, 2forwoyne, and 325,965 others

y/nharlow: when your husband and boyfriend leave you stranded at the hotel to get to the event early so the two of you have to get there yourselves and walk the carpet with them nowhere in sight 🙃

at least we look good mckenzieee

mckenzieee: you damn right we do 😍

jackharlow: wifey, you gonna stop lying on rihanna's internet

urbanwyatt: NO ONE EVEN LEFT YOU TWO! WE WERE AT A DIFFERENT LOCATION AND INSTEAD OF GOING BACK TO THE HOTEL TO GET YALL WE CAME STRAIGHT HERE

y/nharlow: jackharlow is that how it went because I don't recall. I still think stranded is the right word to use

mckenzieee: call em out sis. just left us high and dry. no food. no water.

jackharlow: y/nharlow right before we pulled up at the event, I text you to see if yall were on the way and what did you tell me? YOU HAD JUST GOTTEN OUT THE SHOWER SO CUT THE SHIT!

y/nharlow: urbanwyatt get your best friend because he's picking on me and I don't like it

druski2funny: y/nharlow I'm here to save the day

y/nharlow: druski2funny I'd rather drown

2forwoyne: y/nharlow LMAOOOOOOO 😭

urbanwyatt: y/nharlow nah you're picking on both of us so nope. DON'T SAVE HER, SHE DON'T WANNA BE SAVED!

mckenzieee: urbanwyatt I will cut your hair in your sleep if you EVER pull this shit again

urbanwyatt: jackharlow now how are we in trouble because we like to be on time? when has that ever happened?

jackharlow: urbanwyatt: I just.... I can't with those two

y/nharlow: jackharlow can't what? say it with your chest curly haired white boy

jackharlow: y/nharlow is that still my name in your phone?!

y/nharlow: jackharlow no. you got an upgrade to curly haired baby daddy

jackharlow: y/nharlow well I guess that's something

mckenzieee: should have changed it to big head baby daddy but whatever

jackharlow: KENZIE!

mckenzieee: jackharlow have you seen how big your head is, sir?

jackharlow: y/nharlow I know you not about to let kenzie talk about me like that

y/nharlow: jackharlow she didn't lie so what am I supposed to do?

jackharlow: y/nharlow 😐

Liked by y/nharlow, urbanwyatt, jackharlow, druski2funny, latto777, mariahthescientist, and 186,054 others

mckenzieee: we getting fucked up tonightttt y/nharlow 😜

jackharlow: WHERE ARE YALL AT?!?! MY CHILD IS HUNGRY

mckenzieee: jackharlow THEN FEED HER. YOU GOT THE FORMULA FOR BACK UP. Y/N's TITTIES ARE BUSY TONIGHT.

jackharlow: mckenzieee BUSY DOING WHAT?!

mckenzieee: jackharlow don't make me say it

urbanwyatt: YOU TWO SAID YOU WOULD BE BACK FOUR HOURS AGO

mckenzieee: did we say four? oops.

jackharlow: nah kenzie, ain't no oops. where's my wife?!

mckenzieee: jackharlow you clearly see the picture right? she's with me obviously

jackharlow: MCKENZIE, I KNOW THAT

mckenzieee: jackharlow she needed a break from your big headed ass anyway. we'll be back by 6.

urbanwyatt: 6? AS IN 6 IN THE MORNING?!

mckenzieee: urbanwyatt did I stutter?

jackharlow: y/nharlow SHOW YOURSELF NEOW

y/nharlow: jackharlow 👀

y/nharlow: jackharlow whatever it is, I didn't do it

jackharlow: y/nharlow LIES YOU TELL

y/nharlow: claybornharlow tell your big brother to leave us alone so we can continue having fun and being your wingwomen

jackharlow: WHAATT

claybornharlow: jackharlow you heard your wife

jackharlow: claybornharlow what the actual hell? I cannot take my wife and mckenzieee anywhere and now I need to worry about claybornharlow and those two trying to get you laid

y/nharlow: jackharlow he doesn't have to try and besides, this isn't the first time we've done this either

urbanwyatt: can we talk about how yall are coming back at 6 in the morning? like what the hell? like by 3 I can't even see anymore

mckenzieee: urbanwyatt lmaooo lightweight ass

urbanwyatt: mckenzieee TAKE IT BACK

mckenzieee: urbanwyatt NO

Liked by y/nharlow, urbanwyatt, jackharlow, quiiso, neelamthadhani, estgee, champagnepapi, and 275,001 others

mckenzieee: when your boyfriend urbanwyatt claims he's about to smoke the rest of your weed so you have to make a run for it and drag y/nharlow along

yourinstagramname: not if I have anything to do with it urbanwyatt SHARING IS CARING

urbanwyatt: oh so yall show up when I'm about to smoke but not when I'm watching my goddaughter and I'm in actual DISTRESS? some girlfriend you are

druski2funny: I second this because I thought urbanwyatt was going to pull his hair out

y/nharlow: urbanwyatt I'll put it in a protective style for you

urbanwyatt: y/nharlow I'M WHITE, AIN'T NO PROTECTIVE STYLE FOR ME

jackharlow: 😭😭😭😭😭

mckenzieee: urbanwyatt TAKE IT BACK

urbanwyatt: mckenzieee NO

mckenzieee: urbanwyatt I WILL KICK YOUR ASS IF YOU DON'T LEAVE ME ANY

y/nharlow: jackharlow get your best friend

jackharlow: y/nharlow NOW HOW DID I GET DRAGGED INTO IT?

urbanwyatt: jackharlow your shit is my shit and vice versa THAT'S WHY YOU'RE IN IT

jackharlow: I'm waving the white flag, these two stress me the fuck out

urbanwyatt: jackharlow WE ARE NOT SURRENDERING jackharlow: urbanwyatt SPEAK FOR YOURSELF

y/nharlow: I'm glad one of you came to your senses urbanwyatt: just for that I'm about to smoke it mckenzieee: urbanwyatt sleep on the couch urbanwyatt: mckenzieee BABY STOP PLAYING mckenzieee: urbanwyatt do I look like ms pac man to you? this ain't no damn game shloob_: these two are really fighting over some weed mckenzieee: shloob_ I'll kill you too if you even think about touching it shloob_: urbanwyatt jackharlow come get them please lmaooo

Liked by jackharkow, urbanwyatt, neelamthadhani, privategarden, djdrama, yungskylark, and 497,621 others

mckenzieee: happy birthday to my best friend in the entire fucking universe. been knowing each other since six years old and we've been inseparable ever since. you are truly the best friend, wife, and mother that anyone could ask for. can't even begin to tell you how much I love you 🥺

jackharlow: KENZIE SHE'S DOING THE UGLY CRY

y/nharlow: JACK SHUT THE FUCK UP AND LET ME HAVE MY MOMENT

mckenzieee: y/nharlow you do have an ugly ass cry though. you have the cute one and the ugly one.

urbanwyatt: mckenzieee what the actual fuck is a cute cry? yall just be making shit up at this point. oh y/nharlow happy birthday terror number 2. love you.

yungskylark: NOT YALL CALLING THEM TERROR NUMBER ONE AND TERROR NUMBER 2 😭😭😭😭

y/nharlow: urbanwyatt thank you urby now you got my hot funyuns? if you don't, don't bother knocking on my front door. you need to start pulling your weight around here

mckenzieee: y/nharlow I second that druski2funny: happy birthday Y/N!!! let me know when jackharlow leaves so we can get some alone time jackharlow: druski2funny alone time to do what exactly? y/nharlow: druski2funny I'm booked until 2045. thanks tho.

urbanwyatt: y/nharlow EXCUSE ME? PULLING MY WEIGHT?! WHO CAME TO GET YALL WHEN THE TWO OF YOU ALMOST GOT ARRESTED?

jackharlow: WHAT? y/nharlow BABY, YOU BETTER START TALKING AND YOU BETTER START NOW

y/nharlow: damn double homicide

jackharlow: Y/N Y/M/N HARLOW!!!!!

mckenzieee: urbanwyatt that's why I can never tell your ass anything. YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO TAKE THAT TO THE GRAVE

y/nharlow: jackharlow it wasn't actually me who almost got arrested, it was Kenzie and of course I was there so you know she dragged my ass along with her

mckenzieee: y/nharlow bitch no the fuck you did not just do that. so what if it was me? jackharlow didn't have to know that

jackharlow: mckenzieee oh so you admit it was you?

mckenzieee: jackharlow I plead the fifth

Liked by jackharlow, urbanwyatt, mckenzieee, champagnepapi, neelamthadhani, selenosunni, 2forwoyne, and 492,021 others

y/nharlow: look who came to visit. I missed my mom 🥺

druski2funny: EXCUSE ME, YOUR MOM?

y/nharlow: black don't crack, yes my mom is in the middle lol

jackharlow: y/nharlow oh and you didn't turn down your hearing aids when she was talking to you this time?

y/nharlow: jackharlow I have matured

jackharlow: y/nharlow baby you did it last week when I forgot your ice cream. you didn't talk to me for thirty minutes.

mckenzieee: jackharlow you should know better. you know how my bestie feels about her ice cream.

urbanwyatt: here we go terror number one and two ganging up on us

mckenzieee: urbanwyatt you better watch it because you forgot my rolling papers the other day

urbanwyatt: mckenzieee IT WAS ONE TIME mckenzieee: urbanwyatt LIES

y/nharlow: jackharlow I am a changed woman. that was then, this is now. don't blame me, I was on my period.

2forwoyne: y/nharlow lmaoooo I cannot with your ass 😭😭

deniseedmonds: jackharlow oh so she got you too, huh?

jackharlow: deniseedmonds and here I was thinking that I was exempt lmao

yourmomsinstagramname: missed you too my little baby. I promise to visit more often.

jackharlow: yourmomsinstagramname what do I have to do for you to take her back?

y/nharlow: jackharlow WHAT

yourmomsinstagramname: jackharlow NOPE. NO TAKE BACKS. YOU'RE STUCK WITH HER. I HAD HER FOR 22 YEARS. IT'S YOUR TURN.

y/nharlow: I can't stand neither one of yall smh

Liked by mckenzieee, jackharlow, 2forwoyne, urbanwyatt, neelamthadhani, and 454,802 others

y/nharlow: me and kenzie walked in to see these two being special as usual jackharlow and urbanwyatt when someone was supposed to be getting ready to rehearse for tour🙄

jackharlow: NOT YOU CALLING US SPECIAL WHEN ALL YOU TWO DO IS TERRORIZE US

y/nharlow: jackharlow LIES

urbanwyatt: y/nharlow TRUTH

y/nharlow: imma kick both of yall asses

neelamthadhani: I'm with y/nharlow and mckenzieee on this one

jackharlow: neelamthadhani and why did I have a feeling that you were going to say that?

neelamthadhani: jackharlow I call it like I see it

y/nharlow: um jackharlow why are you wearing my hoodie?

jackharlow: y/nharlow since when is this yours?! it was definitely on my side of the closet this morning

y/nharlow: jackharlow idk how it got over there, but it's definitely mine and I'm going to need for you to take it off and give it to me

mckenzieee: y/nharlow jackharlow ew

jackharlow: mckenzieee you got your niece out of it so cut the shit

mckenzieee: jackharlow this time and this time only

jackharlow: y/nharlow and no. if you want it, come get it

y/nharlow: jackharlow don't tempt me Harlow

jackharlow: y/nharlow hmm go ahead. keep talking shit. just wait until later.

y/nharlow: 👀👀👀👀

y/nharlow: jackharlow but I still want my hoodie back tho

jackharlow: y/nharlow 🙄

Liked by jackharlow, mckenzieee, urbanwyatt, deniseedmonds, champagnepapi,michaelbjordan, selenosunni, and 467,215 others

y/nharlow: don't even know where I would be without my bestie. It's you and me forever and always 💖

mckenzieee: and don't you ever fucking forget it. I love you even when I get on your nerves and you turn your hearing aids down so that you can't hear me lmao

jackharlow: y/nharlow BABY! you have got to stop doing that. 😭

y/nharlow: jackharlow ehhh maybe one day lol

urbanwyatt: my camera skills were put to good use I see

y/nharlow: urbanwyatt you did okay

urbanwyatt: y/nharlow OKAY? JUST OKAY? THAT ANGLE IS PERFECT TO SHOW YALL BIG ASS HEADS

mckenzieee: urbanwyatt imma throw you off the nearest cliff

urbanwyatt: mckenzieee both of you are short and neither of you can pick me up

y/nharlow: mckenzieee, you get his arms and I get his legs jackharlow we need a getaway driver

jackharlow: y/nharlow I'm busy

urbanwyatt: jackharlow BUSY DOING WHAT? YOU JUST ABOUT TO LET THEM TAKE ME LIKE THAT?

2forwoyne: urbanwyatt we'll smoke a blunt in your honor

quiiso: well damn lmaooooo

jackharlow: urbanwyatt look happy wife, happy life and I want to live a long one. you on your own buddy.

mckenzieee: lmaoooooo not jackharlow throwing his best friend under the bus

urbanwyatt: that's okay because when y/nharlow wants to throw you off a cliff I'll be busy

y/nharlow: urbanwyatt whose to say he isn't going to get thrown off the cliff right after you?

urbanwyatt: y/nharlow I thought you needed a getaway driver?

y/nharlow: urbanwyatt I can call neelamthadhani

jackharlow: y/nharlow WAIT, I THOUGHT I WAS SAFE?!

urbanwyatt: jackharlow safe from their reign of terror? NEVER

Taglist:

@harlowsbby

@babyharleezy

@hoodharlow

@stefansalvatoresgf

@jackiehollanderr

@primadxna-girl

@dessmxsworld

@cockslutslurper3000

@raelorns21

@variety-fangirl

@gbaabyyyy

@kamorsstuff

@harlowthot

@sinsandsuccubus

@curlyhairclub

@bootlegroach

@haylexo10

@thinkingaboutjharlow

@fluidsentiment

@charli123456789

@moody4world

@yourstrulymayah

@yana4life

@beanbagbitch

@alinaharlow

@carma-fanficaddict

@minaxcarter

@arination99

@xjup1t3r

@venusvinc

@jacksmoviestar

@jackharloww

@midnight-star47

@minkookie95

@inluvwithladybug

@exoticr0ses

@jharlowsangels

@jackierose902109

@jackmansbabymama

@cmalass

@megawhoree

@softtcurse

@sia2raw

@miniaturehideoutmentality

@hoya122

@nattinatalia

@jackslover12

@skyesthebomb

@jackharlows-world

@louisianalady

@fdl305

@automaticpeachsong

@harlowcomehome

@gassyandsassy1

@babygirlwilly

@amethyst09

@harrycanyonmoonn

@toocriticalharlow

@tattered-tales

@sisiking99

@dessxoxsworld

@gillybear17

@jacksdaycare

@iheartharlow

@disaster-rose

@babyvinnie

@evansxchalamet

@chtkmyharlow​

@itsyagirljaz

@neon-lights-and-glitter

@awhore4moree

[sixstepsaway]

had not yet seen that take about ed marooning the crew to keep them safe from izzy but i think that’s maybe the funniest bit of ed apologia i’ve ever read. like…they were fully going to throw izzy overboard. i think they would’ve been fine dealing with him both on their own, and with ed there. and if that had been the case would it not have made the most sense to just kill izzy? like what? people will tie themselves in knots to absolve ed of absolutely any wrongdoing whatsoever it’s so amusing. i wouldn’t even care if they were not attempting to pass this off as Super Serious Meta About The Pirate Show That Allows Them To Make Moral Judgements About Other Actually Real People When They Disagree About Fake Little Dudes but they are and thus i have a problem with it. i see people making these statements like they’re facts and it’s like, actually i think you just have a different opinion about this funny little man than i do. i think that’s all that’s going on here.

THIS IS SO FUNNY ANON I KNOW. i had forgotten (bleached my brain?) reading this and this ask just brought it all back in its full glory

It was all tied in with this idea that because Izzy threatened Ed, Ed's 'fear response' was to lash out at him. I can, to an extent, see that him becoming the Kraken was a fear response? But I don't think it was a response to being afraid of Izzy, I genuinely think it was a response to being afraid of being weak. Izzy does his tizzy and then Ed broods on it, he thinks about it for ages, he listens to the crew chanting his name (Eddie, rather than Ed or Edward or Blackbeard) and then decides to go full Kraken.

The big issues there for me was that they also said Ed killed his father in self-defense (wrong), and that he tried to kill seven people to protect them lmaooooooo. But if he could sneak into Izzy's room and snip off his toe, you are absolutely right that he could've just... killed him. He could've slit his throat, stabbed him in the chest, or smothered him with a pillow right there and Izzy would have had no defense.

i wouldn’t even care if they were not attempting to pass this off as Super Serious Meta About The Pirate Show That Allows Them To Make Moral Judgements About Other Actually Real People When They Disagree About Fake Little Dudes but they are and thus i have a problem with it.

same. Like, I do take issue to people who watch something like, for example (because I've been thinking about it today), The Witcher, and - despite the narrative consistently telling us that prejudice is wrong and that we shouldn't other people and very canonically and firmly informing the viewer that people made up the idea that witchers can't feel human emotion to justify their hate and that it is incorrect - coming away with the idea that Geralt feels no emotions (and also going off on racist tangents about casting Yennefer and Triss as anything other than pasty white people, but racists gonna racist huh?) but when it comes to things like opinions of characters, yeah. People can feel whatever they want and if it makes them happy to absolve characters of their bad deeds so they can just chill and enjoy their show? Fine.

But then, as you say, make moral judgements on real people and that just really pisses me off and makes me want to make strangling gestures up at the sky because whyyyyyyyyyyyy. It's not that deep!

i see people making these statements like they’re facts and it’s like, actually i think you just have a different opinion about this funny little man than i do. i think that’s all that’s going on here.

Yeah, exactly. I try and express as much as I can that I am extrapolating from canon rather than stating Facts From David Jenkins' Own Brain, but some people really whip out the "Izzy is a villain, that's a fact actually, so he deserves everything bad ever" and i just- hm.

[drabbles-mc]

Kicking my feet with excitement because you've written a fic about my one and only hillbilly husband. What a day to be me! 😌🥰

“You know, the thing.” He waved his hand in response as his face wrinkled up in an annoyed way. -> This really is so men isn't it? Like, Javi, you couldn't say less about the situation even if you tried 😂

“Oh right, the thing.” Steve’s eyebrows raised in sarcasm as he looked back down to his desk, giving up on whatever conversation Javi was or wasn’t having with him. -> lmaoooooo i feel you Steve, i feel you. I would also give up.

I'm loving that Steve goes right from having to coach Javi into having to talk to reader. I love that he is firmly stuck in the middle of this entire debacle with no way out. It's good for him. I love it 😂

Steve treaded carefully. -> Yea you fucking better, Murphy 😂 You're in it now. Planted firmly in the center of the minefield. The only way out is through lmao

“Oh last names, that's how I know you're pissed.” He moved into the living room, removing the phone from his ear so he could untangle the cord it was connected to before sitting down on his recliner chair.  -> I hate how well I can see this. ANd by that i mean i love it. Why am i so in love with this man??? Why am i like this???

“Isn’t it funny that I call you to feel better? Yet every time I’m just more annoyed.” -> Respectfully, reader, I think you should know better. That's what he's best at 😂😂

“You think you’d learn.” -> WHAT DID I JUST SAY?????? lmaooooooo prophetic

“Are you pissed because he did it or because he lied?” -> The way that Steve can be a big dumb dummy but he also comes out with bangers like this. Like. Okay. Renaissance man.

“So he called you?” / “Once.” / “I give it two weeks before he’s back in your bed.” -> LMAOOOO read for filth. Get her ass, Steve 😂

Not the thin walls!!!!! God I'm trying not to cackle in my fucking office 😂😂😂

God. The ending of this. THe way that these two just sic Javi on each other. I'm yodeling. Javi is just trying to get some some advice and fix his relationship and these two are playing hot potato with him 😂 Besties forreal I love them so much.

What Friends Are For

Steve Murphy & Platonic!Reader (whose in a relationship with Javier Peña)

Day 17 from these April Prompts: “I’ve been wanting to ask her this for a long time but I just can’t work up the nerve to do it.” 

Summary: You call your friend to vent about Javi. 

Words: 1k

A/N: Just want to shoutout @drabbles-mc (not just for this fic but legit ALLLLL of these one’s i’ve been writing) but this was a little exchange I was inspired by her with! 

Warnings: Light angst! 

Narcos Taglist: @drabbles-mc @narcolini​ @justreblogginfics​

Keep reading

[jiminrings]

what if....just WHaT iF senior y/n started to prepare lunch boxes again?? and shy stem koo is all giddy and happy to see them placed on his desk (gahhh idk if that’s a good idea or if it makes sense at all) as always, thank u so much for writing for us!!

omg ok... can we see when y/n starts to leave “his” lunchboxes again??? 😄

cold senior!y/n x stem major!koo masterlist :D

stem koo loses in a competition but he wins at the end of the day (kind of)

the universe is out to get jungkook

there's a hit list and he is the only person that comprises the entirety of it

the world is his oyster and it offers him nothing but Ls

he has a guardian angel but the only thing it guarantees is his downfall!!!!

“in 5th place, we have jeon jungkook!”

holy fUCK does he hate any ordinal rank that isn’t the first when it’s next to his name

god his face is being shown in the digital monitor and his eyes are quivering behind his glasses

maybe it’s just him but perhaps everyone in the auditorium could see how fRUSTRATED he is

his pupils keep dancing and he has a curt smile on and it’s physically a pain for him to go up the stage and claim his flimsy little piece of paper

jungkook clearly did not expect to go up on stage this early in time and certainly did not expect to be in fifth place ://

second is beyond embarrassing, third’s actually not that bad, fourth is an odd rank and always unnoticed, but fifth however is just plain-out gAG

the rank makes him shudder as if getting a consolation 2nd rank isn’t bad enough and they STILL decided to have the awards go up to fifth place

“in 4th place, park jimin– come right up!”

://

... naur

hold on a second

there is nO fucking way

don’t get him wrong!!! jimin is one of his closest friends but holy fuck this has gOT to be a punch in gut for jungkook

if he has to be very critical in an academic standpoint,,,

as in annoyingly critical

jimin’s more of a so-so alright :// he just randomly decided to shift to stem because he was getting bored of business!!! IT WAS NEVER HIS FIRST OPTION

he isn’t in much stem clubs like jungkook, doesn’t study as much as he does, always rests and goes out on weekends and takes breaks in between studying, not spending every moment trying to improve himself unlike him.....

u-uh which is normal

bUT JUNGKOOK FEELS LIKE JIMIN ISN’T ON HIS LEVEL

AND NEITHER SHOULD HE BE HIGHER

god does that sound problematic

the fact that jimin is surprised too helps ease the guilt that kook experiences tho

“really? shit, i just guessed half of the answers to the questionnaire LMAOOOOOOO”

...

.....

that’s it.

the world is out to get jungkook

he doesn’t necessarily take his anger out on people because he represses it all but he’s noticeably dull the whole day

and the day after that of course because he pours effort into everything!! and that includes sulking

“you’re worrying about that brat again,” yoongi says through his chewing, savoring every bit of the fish and chips you’ve made him, “the same brat who looked like he was gonna deck me, his senior, on the spot for eating from his lunchbox — which i’m also doing now!!”

he still isn’t over it alright

tbh yoongi kinda admires the kid because he’s smart and all that

and you also like him and he can kinda see why

BUT NOOOOO HE JUST HAD TO DO THAT ://

“i don’t care for him,” you scoff through the same chips you made yourself, wiping the residual oil on yoongi’s denim pants, “i’m just curious.”

“you don’t know?”

sheesh when did yoongi DO all the knowing

“he lost in this stem competition; something like that. anyways, it was our school’s turn to host it and he was one of our two representatives and yeah.... he’s fifth place.”

“he is????”

yoongi nods at your barely-concealed shock, “jimin ranked fourth.”

didn’t you just do a drinking tequila until you have a completely normal resting face competition last nIGHT?!???

:O

you feel sorry for jungkook :((

so much sorry and awed at the same time that you’d sell a lung to see him break into a smile from a corny ifunny.co science joke atleast once

“i have two rest periods in a row, right?” you ask yoongs while you try to gather your things to put them back in your backpack as calmly as possible, eyes not breaking character

“why do you assume that i’d know your schedule?” he grimaces at the concept of being thoughtful to his closest friend, “you have three rest periods in a row.”

“good. i’m just gonna get something back from the dorm.”

that something just had to be a fresh batch of newly-made fish and chips, tucked neatly into his electric lunchbox

jungkook’s about to call it a day because the three-hour lecture he used to find engaging is strenous, about to exit the room with his shoulders sagged when-

isn’t that his lunchbox?

it’s laid on the mini desk next to the exit, the all-too-familiar sticky note with the doodle and his name being stuck on — something he’s dearly missed

you did a good job, jungkook :)

jungkook feels dizzy to hold the lunchbox back in his hands, opening up to see if it tRULY is the deal and it’s with giddiness that he finds that his meal’s still warm

yeah

it’s okay

it’s more than okay

jungkook won this time :)

[ablizmal]

hello!! this is my selfship introductory post!!!

(i’m posting two versions of this post— one with all these lovely little gifs, and one without, as i know some people can be sensitive to them <33)

my dearly beloved selfship is lawliz 🥰 (or lawlizzie if i want it to sound even cuter lol).

it’s of. uhhhhhh. me and the sweets loving detective from death note/// 👉👈

(no this isn’t suggestive, it’s just y2k in-universe and i LOVE y2k clothing lol)

some basics on the selfship!!!

we appear to be solar opposites in a bunch of different ways!

he’s calm and collected, always keeping things to himself unless he wants to ruin someone’s entire life and be painfully blunt about something HAKDJAHDSJS. whereas i seemingly am open, emotional, and spirited!!

my alias is “juliette rae ambers” (YES i created a full ass pseudo name dhsjdkajdjajajs). but to distinguish me irl and in-selfship-universe me, i’ll refer to my self insert as “juliette” whenever i talk about them.

L first met juliette through a past case, as they did some SHADY looking shit lmao. she’s just that eccentric and erratic <333

SO after spending some time with her, he eventually realizes they’re not apart of the case. like at ALL. but L basically goes “okay. wait, what the fuck’s wrong with her actually?” and continues to spend time with them because of that HAHAJDJSJSKSJS (again— juliette is eccentric and unpredictable.)

watari brings up how excited and affectionate juliette gets whenever he catches a glimpse of them together. L doesn’t get why watari is bringing this up. watari suggests that perhaps, juliette has a crush on L.

yeah, so L’s brain crashes DHSKDJSKDJAJHSAKS

he didn’t even think of that as a POSSIBILITY because he views himself as undesirable, ugly, creepy, etc (🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺)

so L brings this up with juliette. she denies it terribly (because they’re such a mess when they’re flustered), but after relenting, L reveals that he brought it up because he’s interesting in learning more about it. he has trouble identifying his own emotions and hasn’t been in love before, so he asks me to be apart of a study. it’s just information, essentially, letters detailing specific sensations and lovey dovey thoughts i get of him.

i agree to it because i LOVE psychology and have always wanted to be apart of a psychological study!

but at this point, L isn’t in love with me. he slowly falls over time, much to his mental debates on if it’s “ethical” or not. (he’s overthinking it!!! ALSO, WOW, L thinking about morals when it comes to someone?? they must be a ~special someone~ to him 🤭)

the stoic character who keeps to himself is (mutually) in love with the visually expressive, musically inclined jester!!! (does this make sense 😭)

juliette is with L throughout the entire kira case. the first time the taskforce meets L, she’s just standing to his right side (it’s a whole thing) in a lolita getup, so they assume, like watari, that juliette is a maid to L of sorts. but NO, juliette just fucking LOVES fashion lmaooooooo

ANYWAYS, what i’m trying to get to is that juliette loves music. it connects to them on such a deep level, and they love to sing and entertain. so sometimes, as a break/interlude in the kira case, she sings and plays songs. (they’re oddly captivating… just like a performer at an event.)

L can’t have the taskforce knowing him and juliette’s interpersonal relationship, so he and juliette have silently agreed to refer to each other as “associates” whenever the question comes up.

juliette talks out loud a lot as a habit. but, again, she likes to be entertaining first and foremost, so she only says things she thinks will be the most intriguing. she can keep to herself just fine. but L knows. he knows how intentional everything they do is. he can relate, and is intrigued about this part of them. and without fail, he listens, catalogues, and responds to everything she says U///U because he caaaaares 🥹🥹🥹 (much to light’s annoyance during the case lol)

once misa starts to reside in the taskforce headquarters, you fucking KNOW she and juliette would become ✨fashion besties✨ヽ(>∀<☆)ノ 💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖

juliette is very silly, laidback, loose, witty, thoughtful, and compassionate. will and has been promptly serious when the time calls for it.

juliette has forced L to watch rocky horror with them so. many. times. it’s now their couple movie of sorts aha <3

juliette cannot STAND light. he’s such an arrogant bitch baby, so she insults and burns him constantly (which L… enjoys 👀 JFKSJFKSJDKSJS, HE LOVES THE FACT THAT I CAN DEFEND MYSELF AND THAT I’M NOT A DOORMAT)

it’s so interesting to listen to these two talk. cause like, L is formal, a bit oddly polite in his wording, and naturally uses long words here and there. juliette, on the other hand, is very casual in speech. she casually swears, she refers to others with “dude,” “bro,” and “man,” and uses some slang words here and there. the taskforce members gawk at the sheer contrast sometimes.

so juliette’s mainly goth, right?? misa introduces her to the fashion, and she fucking loves it. her usual goth color combo is hot pink and black!!

…buuuuuut, juliette likes fashion in general, so sometimes she wear “pretty in pink” ass y2k outfits, then at other times glam rock-y, then gritty type of clothing, then elegant, they girly, then—

L loves to see whatever outfit they come up with (he for sure spoils the FUCK out of her hahajdjsjsja awwwwwwwww 😊 <333)

THEY’RE LITERALLY THE “plain boyfriend + alt girlfriend” COUPLE DHSKDHKADJKASJKASJAJA

i could go on and on, but this is an INTRODUCTORY post, soo……….. these are the basics of their dynamic!! i will post art, fics, and just ramble posts in general talking about it!!! :]

you can find more content in my “accidental emo boy meets intentional goth girl(gender neutral)” tag on here, OR on my new, selfship only account @lawliz-indulgence !

i love this little selfshipping community, xxx (✿ᴗ͈ˬᴗ͈)