#trying to be brave and ask for help hhhhhh

[lokislittlesigyn]

Hello hello, it’s that time again!

I am looking for people who plan to watch the Loki series season 2 - especially those who plan to view each episode as soon as/soon after it drops - and are willing to screen it for me. I can explain the exact triggers I would need to be warned of in DM.

I would need, ideally, general warnings of some specific violent content, if certain words are spoken, etc. - and ideally, timestamps of these to make viewing the series easier. I have severe PTSD, but not all of my triggers are “caught” in things like parents guides (and those can take a while to update).

I would be extremely grateful to anyone willing to help me out on this. Loki is my special interest and very very important to me, and viewing/working with the series is an important part of my therapist and I’s plan of helping me heal from trauma, but I need help to do so. 💙

[crimeronan]

was musing about adam loving gansey and rafi wanted me to post my thoughts here so:

adam loving gansey and all the wonderful and painful complications that come from that

these thoughts are mostly cobbled together from me being emo in group chat messages so this probably won’t be the most cohesive put-together analysis, it’s just.  a dump of all my thoughts about adam loving gansey

i’ve read and written a lot of meta about gansey being the first person to show adam uncomplicated love

but there’s also this: gansey was the first person adam ever loved.  adam had never had any connections or emotional roots in anything until gansey

and now i’m gonna grab my messages by putting them in linear order of gansey and adam’s relationship timeline rather than the order i sent them because they’re spread across two chats and all over the place

-

i fucking ADORE the gansey and adam meeting scene it's one of my fave in the books that i can go back to and dissect over and over anyway what i'm thinking about is how gansey interacted with him and how that intersected w/ class and privilege and adam's assumptions like

gansey asking adam to show him how to fix his car because he recognizes adam has a skillset he doesn't and attributes no class dynamics to it whatsoever, adam knows something he doesn't and can teach him something he's been wanting to learn and adam's knowledge is a respectable impressive wonderful thing

 (also, on a lesser note, how gansey wanting to speak the camaro's language immediately Gets the part of adam that needs to understand and connect everything put in front of him)

how when adam tells gansey he's working as a mechanic to put himself through school (AND WHAT AN IMMEDIATE SHOW OF VULNERABILITY THAT WAS JESUS) gansey's awed and impressed and a little intimidated by adam's drive, how gansey's response to adam being a scholarship kid isn't "oh lol you're a poor local you're not like me" it's "oh holy shit you're so fucking smart"

like.  hhhhhh. hhhhhhhhhhhhHhhh.  thinkin about adam's headspace.  how tense he was at the start of the interaction and how tense he's been trying to fit in at aglionby every single day of his life and then going home to a violent hostile place he also doesn't fit like.  so much of adam is so spiky and defensive and constantly braced for an attack

and gansey being the first person in adam's life who's ever not only NOT made adam feel like he needs to apologize for or explain himself but ALSO seen value and worth in the choices adam's made for himself and the person he's trying to be and how adam's like i am going to love everything about you so much so fiercely so acceptingly even if it kills me because that's how you love me

and gansey has no idea about any of that because why would he, he wasn't making a grand gesture or trying to manipulate, he was just..... being gansey

-

the fact that this is The First also means that adam doesn’t have any prior lived experiences to tell him what love is supposed to feel like.  when what he and gansey have is painful he accepts it because he doesn’t have the context to know that love isn’t supposed to cause pain.  the same is true of gansey, who never doubted his parents’ love but who, prior to ronan, had never really experienced honest and open and unquestioningly loving relationships

adam doesn't have any idea how to navigate love or boundaries or friendships or how to accept help or what's okay to accept like.... adam's core rock is his own set of principles and he uses those as his rules because he is COMPLETELY adrift when it comes to understanding other people or relationships or the give and take of them.  adam needs to live by strict occasionally irrational sets of semi-neurotic rules because he literally does not have ANY lived experiences that can help him here

adam is like okay i can control what i do and i can't control what gansey does but i can control what gansey does to me.  if gansey violates those rules it's game over.  but if gansey occasionally seems thoughtlessly cruel or malicious or ignorantly classist or any number of other things that's fine i'm gonna call him on it but accept and live with it because he's gansey and he accepts and lives with all my shit because i'm adam

which causes the majority of the push and pull tension that exists between them for like the whole series

-

that it’s not until the THIRD BOOK that adam even REALIZES that gansey EXPERIENCES FEAR and what that means for them - so much of gansey’s core motivation is based in fear.  gansey’s terrified all the time.  most of gansey’s worst mistakes are born of frustration and anger that, underneath, are rooted in terror

and adam doesn’t understand that.  adam truly believes that the hurt gansey’s inflicted has been because there is a part of gansey that is so ignorantly privileged and desperate for control and ownership of things, that gansey is always self-assured and never afraid, that gansey wants to possess him. and adam chooses to love gansey regardless because he knows that gansey is giving him that same acceptance, and he’s thinking well, we can tolerate the ugly parts of each other, they don’t ruin the good

adam has no idea how afraid gansey is.  adam has such a fundamental misunderstanding of gansey, here, and it makes gansey a much more unpleasantly-sketched person than he actually is, and even so it never even occurs to adam not to love him

-

gansey was the first truly precious thing adam ever wanted to keep

-

adam had no attachments to anything!!  he had nothing!!  literally all he had was himself and his ambition and his escape plan, he had NOTHING he loved and no interest in putting down any roots anywhere 

like, he loved ideas and cars and the concept of a financially successful future but he didn't have a single real meaningful connection to any other person or any piece of the world and he didn't believe love was something that existed or if it did it certainly shouldn't be prioritized

and then the SECOND gansey gave adam unconditional warmth and acceptance adam immediately and actively decided he was gonna love and accept everything about gansey forever because gansey was worth keeping 

and all it took was ten minutes of honest connection and warmth that's ALL IT TOOK 

because adam wasn't being cold or callous or removed by nature he just had literally never been shown unquestioning kindness in his life and did not know it EXISTED

gansey was the first person/place/thing where adam ever put down any permanent roots 

he was - at least until adam befriended noah - the entire shape of adam's ability to love and connect with anything

ALSO FROM THERE THAT accepting all the pieces of gansey including the yearning and the wanderlust and the quest adam doesn't even really believe in and then gansey leading adam to cabeswater??  i need to walk into the ocean

-

so much of adam's terror and ferocity wrt gansey's safety and fear of hurting/killing gansey takes on a whole new life when you stop and realize gansey's the first person adam's ever loved like this

(not the last, obviously, there's noah and then blue and then ronan, but gansey being The First matters)

it also makes me wonder if any of adam's fear of gansey hurting him is projecting because for the most part i read lines like "he likes all his things in one place" as a really EXCELLENT dissection of classism and privilege and power dynamics and freedom and independence and everything therein

but adam looking desperately and helplessly at gansey like "here's this thing i love so much and i don't know how not to ruin it.  i don't know how not to hurt anything"

-

adam following gansey with an attitude of “i don’t believe in magic but i accept that you do so i’m along for the ride” and then that faith in gansey leading him to cabeswater and deeply rooted emotional magic and connection

is the narrative’s direct external parallel for adam following gansey with an attitude of “i don’t believe in love but i accept that you do so i’m along for the ride,” and then through that connection finding other people he loves and finding things he loves and learning to love himself and love the world and build connections and feel awake and alive and meaningful

adam risked everything to give his love to gansey and even despite the varying pain it caused, adam being brave enough to take that leap and give that piece of himself just that first time -- that’s what led him to eventual healing and self actualization.  not gansey himself, but adam’s active conscious choice to love gansey.  to take that risk

gansey being the first person that adam loved matters a Whole Fucking Lot.

[furubase]

Do you have any headcanons on what kind of parents the main 4 couples (Kyoru, YukiMachi, ShigureAkito and HaruRin) are like with their kids in Another?

Anon I know this is suuuuper late I’m very sorry college is hard and I’ve been tumbling on mobile exclusively recently

Kyoru: 

Tohru is the original Mom who everyone tries to emulate (like, see how in the latest episode Tohru spent a long time thinking on why Kyo and Yuki couldn’t get along? And didn’t confront them but instead reflected on a positive way to help and validate each of their struggles? Goddamit Tohru is great with siblings).

Tohru isn’t very good at scolding her children - her problem isn’t that she can’t tell them that they did something wrong, it’s that she’s afraid of what they’re going to retain from that. Tohru knows from firsthand experience that children pick up on things, they understand everything we say, and they interpret it in ways we might not expect. So she’s afraid of putting too much on her kids (which - Kyoko shared a lot). Hajime has definitely picked up on it (and on Kyo being protective of Tohru), that’s why he’s a mama’s boy who wants to protect her all the time. 

Kyo is a hands-on, Kazuma-style dad - martial arts, sports, cooking, chores, he does a lots with his kids. He puts on a brave face but he’s scared shitless of them getting hurt. The first time Hajime got hurt he called Kazuma for two hours. 

Kyo and Tohru both learned from Kyoko - where she didn’t shy away from sharing painful stuff, I think Kyo and Tohru would tend to shield their kids from the bad stuff. That’s why Hajime is the dad friend. 

Oh! There’s a blackboard in one of the kid’s room: they act as if they’re real teachers whenever they need to explain technology to their parents. It happens often enough that they know it’s hopeless, but it’s become a ritual of sort. Hajime is definitely the type of person who like tutoring younger students, and it comes in parts from these moments. 

YukiMachi: 

Thank god Kakeru is here, because I think that Yuki and Machi, if left alone, would probably tend to stay in their own little bubble and not try too many new things. Mitsuku has lots of interests and he always tries to get people to come with him. Shiki is usually the first person he thinks of, but he likes to go out with his parents too. When he was in middle school a Mogeta movie came out and he whined for two seconds until Machi “relented” and decided that they would all go as a family. 

Mitsuku is so comfortable with himself because his home is so secure in the weirdest way. Like, whatever disaster happens, Yuki and Machi are unshakeable - it’s not that they don’t show vulnerability but vulnerability is a part of life and (albeit with some mild embarrassment) they made their peace with that. Mitsuku definitely said at some point in his childhood that he was gonna be president, or astronaut, or whatever, and totally believed it - he probably still does.

Akigure: 

Hhhhhh. This is a hard one. Akito is so aware of her every flaw, and her possessiveness having defined so much of her life. She’s very cautious but tries not to be overbearing (I don’t think she succeeds though). Shiki and Akito often swap books and then talk about it. Somehow Shigure knows the book they’re talking about and can always contribute? It’s a mystery they never see him reading the book. 

Akito wants to do everything herself and Shigure has absolutely no problem with delegating or having him play with his cousins or going a bit far into the residence. Akito and Shigure have found a balance (because one thing that Akito absolutely refuse is to send mixed signals to her child) but Shiki is known to take advantage of this sometimes (not often). 

HaruRin: 

Listen listen listen these two are GOOD. They are so unashamed of who they are, they’re the coolest dorky parents ever. Haru is very spontaneous and I think even though Rin tends to try and organize things - like, chores or trips or activities - Haru tends to just wing it and it works way better (it infuriates her but she loves it). They have a little checklist for chores but no one uses it, and Sora and Riku just draw stuff on it. 

I think Sora and Riku are probably a bit more independent than the others - Haru generally lets them do what they want (with the necessary overview but not more), and independence is particularly important to Rin, so she talks about it a lot.Also Haru still gets lost a lot so they’ve been getting stranded a lot since they were kids. Riku is good at reading maps and Sora (who has inherited Haru’s non interest for directions) has figured out that she should just ask people for directions. 

[roses-and-oceans]

Cafe. (ffxv twin au)

For @ubeshibe; my half of our trade!

I hope you don't mind, I added a little bit of a twist to it... And then I think it sprialed out of control like most of my writing does LOL I AM SO SORRY. HHHHHH. I SEND U ALL MY GOOD IGNIS PICS AS RECOMPENSE. IM ALSO SORRY IT TOOK SO GOTDAN LONG AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH ENDLES SHRIEKING.

Also holy SHTI TUMBLR MOBLIE SUCKS DICK I AM SALTY

Scientia Twin HCs

**

Aurelio sat down on the plush leather armchair in Ignis' study and propped his feet up on the coffee table. Not a moment later did Ignis come in, arms laden with a tea tray and books. Aurelio looked up in astonishment from his twin's amazing balance and as Ignis handed over the books, Ignis also kicked off Aurelio's legs off the table with a stern, "Oi." 

Aurelio scrunched up his nose in a besmused expression as he examined the spines of the books, "Ah, lovely. These are just what I've been looking for!" "Will they help with your expedition notes, then?" Ignis asked as he poured them both cups of tea. He sprinkled in a bit of sugar in Aurelio's cup and placed the cup and saucer next to the books. As Ignis was readying his own cuppa, he looked over to Aurelio peering over the lip of his own teacup. He was smiling... Ignis felt his nerves bristle a bit and steeled himself for Aurelio's probing. A beat passed. Obviously, he had to engage him. Ignis sighed as he raised the porcelain to his lips, "Yes?" "So who was that lovely person I heard that you were ogling at the coffee shop?" Ignis had enough grace to keep from spitting out his tea. "I beg your-?" Ogling? No, he couldn't have been staring for that long for it to be called "ogling". It was polite interest and-. "What a miraculous shade of pink you are, brother dear." Ignis gave a little cough and took a deep breath. "How did you even know about-?" "Noctis is easily persuaded by pizza." Aurelio laughed as his brother glared daggers at him, "Oh cut him some slack, Igs! He's a growing boy-" "With a severe vitamin deficiency-" "-and is also not the choice of subject for discussion..." He put down his cup on the saucer and inched forward in the armchair. "I want to hear about this mystery person... Noct couldn't glimpse hide nor hair before you were scolding him to make him pay attention to whatever it was you two were doing." Ignis rolled his eyes and simply said, "No," and took a swig of his tea. Aurelio scoffed and leaned back. "Ignis, why not?" "Because, I'm not all that keen on discussing it." "Have you talked to them, at least?" "I told you, I'm not-" "So you have! You would have denied it, otherwise!" "Pipe down, you git! Alright, yes, I've talked to-" "I knew it! I was just bluffing-" "I swear to the astrals... Shiva, grace me with the strength..." ** Somehow, Ignis found himself seated in the cafe he frequented with Noctis during the week, between meetings and study sessions. This little corner shop was modest in decor and prices, yet they brewed a cup of Ebony to pure perfection. Though enjoying a nice cup of his favorite coffee, Ignis’ leg was twitching. He watched Aurelio calmly sip his chamomile tea, his brother’s eyes roaming everywhere to take in everyone’s faces. Ignis tried to look everywhere but at your face. You were working diligently on Astrals’-knew-what, completely oblivious to the bustling shop around you. Ignis spared a glance. He knew he shouldn’t have but he couldn’t resist your focused expression. He found it endearing, charming even. He liked seeing that glint in your eye. He watched you pause the task to glance at your phone and he could hear your bark of laughter through the cacophony of the clinks of porcelain, the mindless chatter. He wondered if he should brave a conversation with you, today. But you looked dreadfully busy, he couldn’t possibly-. “Hold my tea.” A lukewarm cup of tea was thrust into Ignis’ empty hand and before he could snatch Aurelio by the nape of his cardigan and force him back down on the chair, he strode over to you.   You looked up from your work as a tall shadow loomed over you. Aurelio couldnt help but feel a little warm jolt at your smile.   Your voice was nice and warm, a little rough, “Hey there, Stranger.” “Hello to you, too,” Aurelio said as he took a seat next to you, “How are you?” “I’m doing good,” you said as you settled into your seat, uncrossed and recrossed your legs, “I’m finishing up a few sketches.” You tossed your pencil onto the table and stretched out your wrists, reveling in the swift pops, “You look so different than usual. Day off?” Aurelio’s eyebrow quirked up, “Hmn?” You brought up a paper cup to your lips, “Your hair’s not up. And you’re not in a suit. I like the round specs too.” Gods above… did you really think-? “Aw crap! I gotta go. I’m gonna be late for this thing…” You began shoveling things into your backpack and said, “Y’know, I like this laid-back style you’ve got going today Ignis. I’ll see you next time!” You heft your bag over your shoulder and walked out of the second door, just barely missing the actual Ignis, whose upper lip was covered in a sheen of sweat, his leg jiggling miles a minute. Aurelio stood up, completely stunned into a state and walked back over to Ignis. "Well?" Ignis hissed as Aurelio sat down and took back his now cold tea. He took a sipp and said with a mild smile, "She thought I was you." "Oh, gods above," he winced as he wiped his forehead, "That's exponentially worse... What did you say to her?" Aurelio finished off his tea and gave a cough, "I really didn't say anything, other than greeting her. I just thought she was a chatty person. But I cant believe she mistook me for you! I am my own person!" "I have told her I've a brother, i didn't specify." "And why didn't you? I'm-" "Enough with your identity crisis, Aurelio! Gods, I can't believe you went over and talked to her. I want to take my time with this friendship." Ignis downed the rest of his Ebony and slammed his cup on its saucer. He started making his way out of the cafe, and Aurelio followed, a string of apologies flowing out as they walked back to their apartment complex. "I really don't need your help, Aurelio," Ignis sighed. He was tired, his head was about to explode thanks to his brother's chatter. Ignis sat on the couch and rubbed at his temples and said, "Alright, enough... Its fine, Aurelio. You didnt mean any harm. She was smiling, at least." Aurelio gave Ignis a small, sheepish smile, "Bet I can get her to laugh." "I can, too, and I dont have to resort to idiotic antics." Aurelio scoffed, "Is that a challenge, brother dear?" Ignis could feel his headache turning into a migraine. ** The very next day, Ignis withdrew the best chortle he's ever heard in existence from you. After he recounted ridiculous anecdotes from experiences with Noctis,  he couldn't help but laugh along; your laughter lit up the entire cafe. The tips of his ears were pink the rest of the conversation, and eventually, you had to shoo him away. You had loads of work to do. The next day also had Aurelio trying to make you laugh. To say it had worked were to be an understatement. At least he was kind enough to bring you napkins to help clean up from your spittake. Some of your tea had even come out from your nose. "I'm so sorry, I've nearly killed you." "Its fine, really! My notes aren't all that wet." He got you a really nice cup of tea to make up for it. Then, when you decided to also shoo away Aurelio to get some work done, he noticed how your lips formed your smile, how your eyes shone. As he walked home, his ears felt warm. He still hadn't told you his name, yet. ** A week had already gone by and Ignis had not told you about Aurelio yet. It was actually rather nice to hear how kind he was to you. Not that Aurelio lacked manners, it was that he was a bit bolder than Ignis; Ignis with the bass boosted. The fact that you were easily able to converse with both about anything and everything was amazing. They both remembered your favorite pastries, your favorite tea blend, your cat's name. They remembered your friends' names. When you were with Aurelio, everything is so relaxed, calm. Plenty of more laughs to be had. You chalked it up to his "days off". With Ignis, you still laughed, of course, but there was sometimes silences, yet you both found comfort in the silences. He often brought you a home-cooked lunch. You liked to see the apples of his cheeks slightly flush when you thanked him. When you were with either of the boys, your world was a tiny bit brighter. You looked forward to seeing them everyday. It was just that they hoped that you didn't mind the little twin trick. Ignis decided to tell you this upcoming weekend. You were going to be going out of town and he thought it would be best to ruminate over the details. And hopefully, you'd still decide to be friends with them when you'd come back. Both boys were a mess of twitching legs and tapping fingers. Whaf if you were repulsed, or worse, angry? Ignis continued to dwell and dwell in the negatige thoughts of you breaking of the friendship. He thought of every grave outcome and he edging himself close to the brink of madness. Oh please, god above, forgive him. Forgive him for- "Look, there she is, I don't think she's staying." Ignis looked up to see you holding a travel cup, tea string dangling. He saw you head over to the bar to grab honey and sugar and he immediately followed. He had collected a fine sheen of sweat on his brow when he got to you. "Oh hey, Ignis!" You greeted him with one of your smiles, "Sorry,  I wont be able to stay. I have to leave in a few minutes." He smiled, "No worries at all. Getting started on your weekend?" You looked up from stirring honey into your tea, "Yeah, my friends are excited to see me and I'm ready for a nice weekend away." "Alright, well I do hope you get to relax and enjoy your time." Ignis had started flapping his hand to motion Aurelio to start coming over, "But, before you leave, I've hoped to introduce you to someone." You had finally gotten the right mix of sweetness for your tea when you looked up and saw Aurelio and Ignis standing right next to each other. "Oh, my Gods!" You shrieked. Tea went flying everywhere. It hit Aurelio’s right cardigan sleeve, Ignis’ vest, and your shoes. The brothers were happy to buy you a new cup and a pastry. It was a wonder the cafe hadn't kicked the three of you out.

[soda-pop-kandy-krush]

HOW- how are you so open about loving tickles?! (I mean it’s not a bad thing but every time I try to be like that I just gendjsjsshaghemek-) ahhh you are a god- I can’t- how- aaaa. btw, it’s taking every fiber of my being to keep myself from pressing the ask anonymously button rn, hhhhhh. (anyways every time one of your posts pop up on my dash it makes me feel warm inside so thank you for being you!)

WAHHHHH ahshdhfgh awwww i’m so glad my posts make you feel all happy and warm inside!! 🥺🥺 and thank you for your ask!!

hshshshh honestly it’s one of those things that gets easier the more you do it, it really helps having a blog like this where you can talk to other people who like it too! but i promise you i’m not invincible either, i still get flustered too 🙈😆 but it’s okay! you just need to be brave and go for it, nobody is judging you on here and maybe you’ll even find some new friends who feel the same way as you 💗