#trying so so hard not to break into panic attack mode

[dhampir-dyke]

.

[syddsatyrn]

⛧Devotion is Love with Wings⛧ Chapter Two: Emotions Unveiled

Ch1 / Ch2 / Ch3 / Ch4

⛧Pairing: - Lucifer Morningstar x Reader

⛧Warnings: Alcohol, fluff, angst, hurt/comfort, king x servant, panic attack, heartbreak, happy ending.

⛧Words: 2.5K

⛧Summary: Feelings surface and the line between duty and desire begins to blur. Admitting your feelings to the King of Hell could be the best or worst thing that's ever happened to you. Lucifer battles with his own internal struggles in silence.

⛧Notes: Ask and you shall receive, my dears! You all asked me for a part two so here we go! Keep an eye out for my next fic because its time for some Alastor content! My beta reader is @hellfiremunsonn and she deserve all the rainbows and cupcakes.

⛧Tag list: @loslox @tiedyedghoulette @naiadic

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As the soft rays of the morning sun seeped through the velvet curtains, you slowly opened your eyes, blinking a few times, adjusting to the gentle light. Despite the room still cloaked in soothing darkness, you knew you were in Lucifer's room. It takes you a moment to recall last night's events. You feel his breath on the back of your neck and his arm around your midsection. You can feel your face get hotter with every detail you take in. He is comfortably curled up behind you sound asleep. He needs rest, you’re afraid to move a muscle and wake him. You look over at the clock on the wall, you both are extremely late for breakfast.

“...Shit.” You say under your breath. Lucifer begins to move slightly, he lets out a soft hum and holds you just a bit closer. You can’t tell if he’s awake or not, even though you truly did not want to get out of bed, it had to be done. You slowly sit up and turn around, you almost place your hand on his shoulder but you take a moment to admire his sweet sleeping face. Instead, you gently place your hand on his cheek. Lucifer’s eyes flutter open, he meets your gaze and gives you a sleepy smile.

“Good morning…” He says softly while holding your wrist, keeping your hand on his cheek. You wanted to pull away, but his eyes made you want to just crawl back into his arms and go back to sleep.

“G-Good Morning, sir.” You stutter a little, Lucifer’s smile turns into a small smirk, he is amused by how flustered you are. He finally lets go and you try to compose yourself, but it's hard to do so when he looks so cute.

“I’ll go get some coffee, it looks like we slept in.” You finally break the spell he had on you and crawl out of his bed. When you leave, Lucifer immediately misses your presence close to him, having you next to him made a significant difference in his mood and sleep. It was the first time he’d felt the warmth of another person in a long time, and now that he’s had a taste, he wants more.

You head down the hall to your room, when you enter you quickly shut the door, thankful no one saw you. You get dressed in your uniform and head downstairs to the kitchen. While you made coffee, the staff were surprised to see you so late into the morning. You make up a quick excuse, stating you were not feeling well but you’re doing much better now so it's nothing to worry about.

You take two cups of coffee upstairs on a silver tray, and you do your best to mentally shift into work mode, but you can't stop thinking about last night. You return to his room, the king is still in bed, sporting a satisfied look on his face. You hand him his coffee and place the tray on the bedside table. 

“Thank you, my dear.” He says and gestures for you to sit on the bed, so you take your cup from the tray and have a seat.

“I want to apologize.” You start, and he looks at you with a raised brow. “I shouldn't have fallen asleep in your quarters. That was inappropriate of me.”

“I’m gonna stop you there, you do exactly what is asked of you. Everything you do is for my benefit. I could never be upset with you for something like that.” He says with a gentle voice. His gold eyes soften as he realizes you’re being serious.

“Thank you…” You reply, just barely above a whisper. His words made you feel a little better, you only want to do what's best for your king…but sometimes you can get carried away. You would do anything for him, that includes bending the rules.

“Now stop sulking.” He says and crawls over to you, sitting beside you on the bed. He is seated rather close, you look away trying to hide your red face. He turns your face back towards him using his index finger and thumb. “You’re too pretty to be so sad.”

“Y-You forget yourself, sir.” You stutter, barely keeping it together. You finish your coffee and return the cup to the tray. When you stand up and walk towards the wardrobe, Lucifer chuckles at your attempt to remain dignified. He is knocking down walls with the way he speaks to you. Breaking down each professional boundary one at a time. His touch was setting you on fire and you were running out of ways to extinguish it.

You sort through his clothes and pull out a black suit with red and white embellishments. You set it on the corner of the bed like you always do. “I’ll make sure I have your lunch ready for you in your study, sir” You say quickly, with a red blush spread across your face, you take the tray and quickly excuse yourself.

You rush down the hall and back to your room. Your chest heaves and you're out of breath. What in the devil's name happened there?! He looked like he was going to kiss you, his face was so close and he called you pretty! What is this idiot doing? You cover your face with your sleeves and pace back and forth in your room.

You always prided yourself on your composure. You navigate life’s twists and turns with a steady hand and a level head. At first, you brushed off these fluttering feelings as a mere passing fancy. You find yourself in front of a mental crossroads, on one hand, there is the exhilarating rush of new emotions. On the other was fear of rejection, an unconventional relationship, and possible heartbreak. If you ruin what you have with Lucifer, you will end up with nothing. All your years climbing the hierarchy would be null and void.

But what if it was possible? No, it couldn't be, there was just no way. As far as you are aware, you’ve never heard of such a situation that ended well. This can’t possibly be happening, you need some time to sort yourself out. But at some point, you are going to see him again today and you’re not sure how you’ll handle it. You always buried your feelings deep within your heart, locking them away like a precious treasure hidden from prying eyes. You’d like to think you're capable of continuing this facade, but this time you are not so sure.

-----------------

Lucifer sighs as you leave the room, your reactions are rather fascinating though. He gets up and takes his clothes to the bathroom to dress himself. Lucifer is well aware of the power dynamic here, and he has a habit of pushing things as far as he can. It comes with the territory of normally having anything he wants. He buttons his vest and looks at himself in the mirror. So what if he had a thing for his advisor? He wonders if he’s just lonely and that’s why he’s acting this way…even if that was true, it wouldn’t explain the relief he feels every time you enter a room. He puts on his coat, straightens his hat, and leaves his room to spend time in his study. 

He opens the door and notices his lunch is sitting on his desk along with some invoices to sign and an overview of yesterday's meeting. This is unusual, you normally bring him his meal and check in on his daily progress at this time. This is cause for concern, indeed. Was Y/N avoiding him? Surely that can't be true, they would never just ignore him like that. He slumps into his chair, wondering if he messed up somehow. 

Did he ruin the years of trust they had built? He still wants her around, he would hate the idea of anyone else taking your place. The more he thought about it the more the pit in his stomach grew. He attempts to eat but can’t put down much food, his nerves are making it difficult to eat. He needs to find you and apologize, he has to make this right somehow. 

-----------------

Hours go by and you’ve done your best to avoid Lucifer at all costs, but you can't keep this up forever. You are standing on a large balcony in the dining room wearing your pajamas. The sun has set and the stars are visible in the sky, there is a chill in the air. You let out a defeated sigh, you’re going to have to tell him or forget about your feelings completely. You fear that if you confessed your love, the delicate threads that bind you both together would fray and snap. If you forget and try to move on, how bad is it going to hurt when he finds a new love? It would ache so bad you might have to leave his manor entirely, you knew that if that were to happen, it would shatter Lucifer's heart.

You feel a few drops of rain fall on your skin, and as each minute passes the rain becomes heavier and heavier. You look out into the courtyard, it’s getting late and you should be heading inside but you stand there, tears in your eyes. How could you be so foolish and self-centered? You knew the rules and you chose to defy them, it's your own fault you feel so awful.

Suddenly the rain is no longer hitting you, you don't feel the cold drops on your face anymore. You turn around and Lucifer is standing in the doorway, his large wing covers you, shielding you from the rain.

“Hey…Can we talk?” He says with a soft look of concern on his face. You nod while wiping your face with your sleeves, he motions for you to come back inside. He walks slightly ahead of you, leading you upstairs to his bedroom. He opens the door for you and gives you a small half-smile. Lucifer walks over to his desk and pours you both a glass of bourbon. He hands you a glass and you take a seat at the small table next to the window. He sits across from you, you can tell he's a bit anxious because he keeps looking away. You take a sip from your drink, hoping the alcohol will settle your nerves. 

The ambiance of the dimly lit room, the soft glow of candlelight danced upon his face. With a hesitant breath, Lucifer cleared his throat. 

“I need to apologize to you,” Lucifer says with a despairing look on his face. “I’m sure you’ve felt confused and in distress all day.” He takes a sip of his drink while trying to find the right words. “Before I begin, let me just say that I think so highly of you. Y/N, you’ve been there for me during every awful situation I’ve faced and I am so grateful for you.”

He grabs your hand and his expression changes to a more serious one. “I don't want you to leave my side. I couldn’t bear it if I did something to make you leave.”

“Sir, I–” You try to speak but Lucifer interrupts you.

“Y/N. I need you to drop the formalities for ten minutes, please.” He cuts you off and rubs the bridge of his nose. “Is there something going on between us or am I just a lonely, divorced, delusional, man making it all up in my head so I don't feel so shitty about my life?”

You are shocked by his words, you had no idea he felt that way about himself. 

“You’re not delusional, Lucifer.” You answer, it takes you a moment to gather your thoughts and put them in order. “It's all my fault, really. I guess after all this time I’ve developed some feelings.”

Lucifer’s eyes widen, his face softens and he squeezes your hand and you look back into his eyes with a small smile. “I think I just got carried away, I know nothing can happen between us. It would be unacceptable and irredeemable. I’m the delusional one, to think you could ever love someone like me.” You reply while looking down at your drink, your finger toying with the rim of the glass.

Without a word, without warning, Lucifer leaned over the table and grabbed ahold of your shirt. He pulls you close so that you are face to face, leaning over the table. You could feel his breath on your lips as he said, “Love doesn't adhere to rules or expectations, darling. I will choose to defy every convention, every decree if it means I get to spend the rest of my life devoted to someone I love.”

Tears started to well up in your eyes, he slowly closed the gap between you both. His lips softly pressed against yours. Time stopped in that moment, amidst the chaos of entangled emotions. The taste was bittersweet, you’ve only ever dreamed of this. His hand lets go of your shirt and caresses your face. You kiss him back with fervor, a silent confession that speaks volumes. Both of you daring to defy the boundaries of monarchy and courtier.

You lace your fingers with his, he stands up and pulls you out of your seat. You practically fell into his arms, Lucifer held the back of your head, the other arm wrapped around your waist.

Your tears flowed freely as you hid your face in his chest. He holds you tight, offering you silent comfort as you let out quiet sobs. Lucifer strokes your hair and kisses the top of your head.

“I’m sorry it took so long for me to realize…” He says, barely above a whisper. “Just let me take care of you for once, my love.” Before you can protest, Lucifer scoops you up and gently places you on his bed. He climbs in and pulls the covers over you both. He wipes your tear-stained cheeks with his sleeve and smiles at you while you take the time you need to calm down. 

“C’mon, babe say something…You’re killing me.” He says, waiting for you to speak with bated breath.

“I love you…” You say between staggered breaths. Your eyes are locked on his, somehow Lucifer blows through the many walls you’ve put up to prevent this and you are left bare and vulnerable. It is terrifying, being this helplessly in love. Bearing the fragments of your heart to the person who held it entirely.

“I love you too, dummy.” His smile is sweet like saccharine, his voice is smooth like silk. Your lips met his once more while your fingers card through his hair. He kept you as close as possible, and in the hush of the night amidst the whispered confessions, you and your king curled up together and fell asleep once again in each other's arms. No sovereign, demon or angel could pull you two apart even if they tried. 

[rabbitblackx]

chop-top,brahms,Jason and Bubba with a s/o who gets sick at the sight of gore,but has terrible separation anxiety so they’ll just stand there like “🧍‍♀️🤢” when their slasher is 🏃‍♀️🗡️ someone 😭,I know this is specific so feel free to ignore

Slashers with a Squeamish!Reader

Includes: Bubba, Chop-Top, Jason and Brahms

Bubba Sawyer💖

Bubba tried to hide as much gore from you as possible. He never killed in front of you unless absolutely necessary. He also encouraged his brothers to do the same. They never listened though, as they wreaked havoc around you every day. Bubba was sure to cover your eyes with his hands, or carry you out of the room when this happened

You followed Bubba around like a lost puppy, which meant you saw a lot of shit. He’d be brutally sawing a woman in half while you stood in the background, face green and head spinning

When Leatherface was done with the violence, you recoiled in disgust when he went to hug you. He was drenched in blood. While trying not to faint, you shakily asked him to go dry off

Bubba came back to you later after changing into a fresh pair of clothes. You threw your arms around him in a sweet embrace, making up for earlier

Chop-Top Sawyer💖

Chop-Top loved to tease you. He purposely waved gore or bodies in your face, while also flicking blood at you. It was all fun and games until you threw up all over your shoes. He was very sorry after that. He also went into full panic mode when you wouldn’t forgive him at first. How was he gonna get laid now??

“Baby! C’mon, I said I was sorry!”

You eventually forgave Chop-Top, causing him attack your face in kisses. He grew more and more fond of you after that. You were his fave. This meant he was less hostile around you. He rarely lashed out at victims when you were near

If Chop-Top had to kill in front of you, he made you spin around and face the wall first. It wasn’t as fun killing them clean, but whatever made you happiest

When Chop-Top was done with his killing, he ran over to you and hugged you from behind. He grinned into the crook of your neck, giggling like a madman

Jason Voorhees💖

Jason did not care that you were squeamish. He was going to kill as much as he wanted. If he heard a single peep outta you because of this, he swore to god—

You felt pretty unsafe in the woods without Jason, so you were always close by. This meant the both of you had to see things you preferred not to. You had to watch him brutally murder people on a regular basis, while he had to watch you throw up everywhere because of it

Jason started gifting you with old things from his childhood. He brought you some of his toys, like his teddy bear or maybe even a picture book. Just anything to distract you from his violence, and it actually worked!

You were so touched by Jason’s gentle gesture, all you could do was tearfully gawk at his old toys while he murdered campers in the background. It just sucked though because once he was done, you wanted to hug him. But he was drenched in hot blood and gore, making it hard. You knew damn well he wasn’t gonna wash it off for you either :’)

Brahms Heelshire💖

Your squeamishness was never really an issue, as Brahms rarely killed. If he did, it was because somebody was breaking in, or trying to hurt your pretty self. It was very bad if this was the case. Because if a another man laid just a finger on you, he wasn’t going to back down

Brahms would apologise for the gore later. As of right now, he was tackling the intruder that hurt you to the floor. He fumbled for a shard of glass from the window he broke into, gripping it hard. All you could do was gape as Brahms drove it deep into the man’s neck, twisting it around and making a red mess

You had to sit down, holding your dizzy head in your hands. Brahms kept stabbing at the dead man, causing more and more blood to spill. The sight alone was enough to make you faint

Brahms eventually got off the man and stumbled over to where you sat. The blood on his hands made you screw your eyes shut, but he didn’t care. He loomed over you in the dark, gently taking your hand in his

[sirfrogsworth]

Last week was crazy.

I honestly can't believe all of it happened in the span of a week. Well, I guess it was more like 10 days. But it was another... Alot.

It all started when I got my disability denial letter. I couldn't wait until I got into the house so I opened the envelope as I walked back from the mailbox. Once I saw the bad part I had an instant panic attack in my driveway.

I ran inside...

Okay, that isn't true.

I walked very quickly inside...

Nope, still not true.

Okay, I walked at my personal top speed which is probably still slow for most people... but the point I'm trying to make is that I was attempting to hurry despite only saving myself about 3 seconds of travel time.

But the hurrying made me feel better, okay?

Out of breath from my geriatric-style powerwalking, I called my lawyer's office immediately. And... he is on vacation. Won't be back until the next Thursday. I spent the entire weekend going through every panic state a body can feel. I go from angry to depressed to anxious to panicked to angry (again) to scared to more scared to extra more scared. Visions of homelessness danced in my head.

I can't sleep for over a day because my brain won't shut off. Finally my body gives out and I fall asleep on the couch watching random YouTube videos. But falling asleep on the couch is bad because I'm not hooked up to my CPAP machine. Then I finally do hook up my CPAP and my damned mask breaks. Thankfully it has happened before and I have a cool hot glue and duct tape solution. But it is hard to manage hot glue and tape when you haven't slept in days and your eyes will barely stay open. So a few burned fingers later, I am sleeping comfortably in my janky duct tape-laden CPAP mask.

Monday rolls around and I decide to go into problem solving mode. Problem solving is my superpower, so I was going to lean into that in an effort to reduce my anxiety. The denial letter said they had no records from before I was 22, so I put on my detective hat and began the hunt to prove I was sick before 2004. My aunt helped me dig through my mom's document drawer. I distinctly remember an essay I wrote to the disability people back when I first got sick. It was part of the paperwork they had me submit. It was a first hand account of my symptoms back in 2001. It also had an essay from my dad talking about how sick I was. I felt like if I could find that, the records surrounding it would all be related and from the same time period.

We go through the entire drawer and only find a few things that might be helpful. Then I realized my mom had a *second* drawer full of documents and my aunt was blocking it. So we start going through that and find a folder labeled "Ben's Disability Stuff." I would have never kept any of that stuff but my mom kept *everything* and it was all in chronological order.

She is still looking out for me.

And she may have kept me from being homeless.

We find the essay and records of my ECT treatments and the names of doctors and all kinds of evidence of my medical woes before 2004. And even if they won't accept it as direct evidence, I can use these documents to show doctors I was their patient. And my primary care doctor said he would be willing to talk to those past doctors to help me convince them to write a letter on my behalf. All they really have to say is they treated me for severe depression and fatigue. And because my mom kept a list of my prescriptions and my ECT treatments, I'm hoping that will be enough to convince them even if they don't remember treating me.

Wednesday I had my monthly checkup. And I got to peek at my main doctor's records from before 2004. It's all handwritten notes and a little hard to read (bad doctor handwriting is the most accurate stereotype in existence). But it clearly says I had depression and was undergoing ECT treatments. It even mentions one of the doctors I want to write me a letter. It's not a lot, but it is first hand, direct medical evidence from that time period. I think it will be very compelling to whoever reviews my case.

I also talked to the nurses/assistants in the office about copying my entire chart, and I thought we were on the same page, but as you will see later... we were not on the same page.

I exit the building and remember how far away I had parked. And once again I forgot to use my cane—even though I keep a spare in the car. The main lot was full and the disabled parking was occupied, so I had to park in the secondary lot. My legs were holding up so far, but it was already a lot of walking for me. Very slow walking.

His office is in the same complex as the hospital. Which is my next stop. It's the same hospital that I have been going to all of my life. And the hospital where both of my parents died.

But I need vintage medical records and that is where they keep them.

Or so I thought.

I drive from the medical office parking lot to the hospital parking lot and only the spots farthest away are empty. And because of goddamn global warming, it is 90 fucking degrees in late September. I park, lock my car, grab my man purse, and start hoofing it to the hospital entrance. I'm so nervous about getting these records that I forgot my damn cane again.

My thoughts are basically, "What if they only keep 7 years of records like everyone else? What if the records from Christian Northwest aren't kept with the records from Christian Northeast? (Christian NW doesn't exist anymore.) What if they won't send them to my lawyer? What if it costs a thousand bucks? What if, what if, what if..."

I get to the front desk and ask the lady where the records department is. She gives me directions that my brain is only capable of half paying attention to. Then I realized I left the records release form from my lawyer in the car. So I walk another half mile in the heat to my car without my cane. And initially, my thought was, "Well, at least I can grab my cane once I get the form." But by the time I got to my car my thought was, "AHHHHHHHHH THAT WAS A LONG FUCKING WALK. KILL ME!"

And so I forgot my cane.

Again.

I get back to the lobby and wave at the lady who gave me directions. I pretend like I remembered and confidently walk in the direction I recall her pointing to. I found the elevator. Thankfully this particular elevator only goes two places. Which seems like a waste of an elevator, but... whatever. I get off on the second floor and am met with a big sign with all the departments and little arrows next to them.

(I'm sure you knew what I was talking about but I'm trying to break up this wall of text with images because I am a professional blogger person.)

I see "Medical Records" and a leftward arrow. I used my keen detective skills to surmise I should probably veer left.

I find myself at the beginning of the world's longest hallway.

Without my cane.

And it is flooded with sterile florescent light and the walls are adorned with the world's most inoffensive art.

Here is a painting of a plant. Here is a painting of a bird. Here is a painting of a bird sitting on a plant. Wait, is that a... WATERFALL??

Suddenly Indiana Jones' voice shouts in my thoughts...

So, if you had to guess, do you think the records department was...

A.) near the beginning of the hallway? B.) in the middle of the hallway? C.) beyond the world's longest hallway in the world's second longest hallway?

As I enter the world's second longest hallway, I notice the art is repeating itself. I've seen that bird sitting on a plant before. I worried I was going in circles, but it turns out they probably just bought the inoffensive art in bulk and weren't concerned about repeats. I get about halfway down the second longest hallway and see a big sign sticking out... "MEDICAL RECORDS."

Note to God: The real world needs a fast travel mode.

I was a big sweaty mess and my legs were like jello. I lumber through the door and find a young woman scrolling through her phone and probably wishing she was anywhere else. She was behind a huge partition with a plexiglass divider—probably still there from COVID days.

I mean, it's still COVID days. But no one is acting like it so I am just pretending it is all over like everyone else seems to.

She notices an out-of-breath Hagrid towering over her and apathetically inquires, "Can I help you?"

I hold up a finger as I try to gain my composure and figure out exactly what I want to say. I usually rehearse this kind of thing beforehand but with all of the anxious thoughts spiraling through my brain, I totally forgot to do that.

"I need to ask questions about records." "What kind of questions?" "Well, how long are the records?" "I'm sorry?" "What year do they start?" "What year do you need?"

I'm suddenly realizing why I rehearse these things. So I take a moment and breathe deeply. I form the proper question in my mind.

"How far back do you keep medical records?" "30 years."

I shoot my hands up like I just scored a touchdown and say, "OH THANK GOD."

She is very confused.

"30 years, oh my god. 30 years just saved my life."

She is still very confused.

"And do you have records from Christian Northwest?" "Yes, we have everything from all Christian hospitals."

I try to give her a brief explanation of my situation and she cuts me off. "Fill out this form."

I look at the clipboard and it is a release form.

Do you remember way back when I walked an extra mile to and from the car to get a release form that my lawyer prepared? Well, turns out they have their own version of that and I walked all that way for nothing.

I finish the form and hand it to the bored, indifferent front desk lady. She tells me someone will be out in a moment. So I sit in the uncomfortable waiting chairs and try to rest a bit. A much tinier young woman walks to the front desk partition thingie and calls out my name. But due to her diminutive stature, she is completely obscured by a pillar and I have no idea where the voice is coming from. We do this little awkward dance on either side of the pillar, attempting to see each other, and finally we both end up on the same side. She starts looking over my form and seemed a little annoyed that I left a section blank. I wasn't sure what kind of records I needed and there was no box that said "everything everywhere all at once."

What I really wanted was any document with my name on it from the beginning of time.

But I was worried about asking for too much labor from this person so I started negotiating for some reason.

I was like, "Well, like, I really need like anything you have from before like 2004. And then maybe, like, some general records after 2004. Like, the pre-2004 records are super important. But, like, I also need to show I was sick all my adult life. So if there are like, summary records? Or, like, something?"

I couldn't stop saying like. I was turning into a Kardashian. Again, some rehearsal was probably warranted.

"I just don't want to be a burden and make you dig up all of my records. I mostly need my ECT records from 2001."

"What is ECT?"

"Shock therapy. It's for depression. I just need to show I was really sick before the age of 22."

"And who is this guy on the form?"

*ramble mode engaged*

"Oh, that is my disability attorney. You see, I'm trying to get a special kind of disability, but I need to prove I was sick before the age of 22. So anything like that before 2004 would be very helpful. But like, if you have less detailed records after 2004 that is good too. Because I may need to prove I've been sick my entire adult life."

*continued rambling until I notice she stopped paying attention*

She did not need to know all of this. And I was not answering the questions she needed answered. I was nervous and babbling and oversharing and I couldn't snap out of it. And I was really concerned if I asked for too much, she was going to be upset. But then she told me all of the records were in a warehouse and she would not actually be finding them for me. She just places an "order" for them. So this weird negotiation thing I was doing to keep her from being annoyed at me was pointless.

And I also realized... this is super important.

I yell at myself, "Ask for everything, stupid! Quit trying to get halfassed records because you're worried about inconveniencing someone."

Finally I just say, "I want every medical record you have from before I was 22 until now."

And she was like, "Sure."

Well... that was easy.

I thanked the tiny lady and the bored lady and exited back into the second longest hallway. My adrenaline was surging. I kept yelling, "30 YEARS!!" in my brain. I had to tell someone this amazing news. I had to tell them right that second or I might burst. So I grab my phone from my man purse and dial Katrina.

The thing is, I only call Katrina when something really bad happens. People don't make phone calls anymore. People text! So when she picked up the phone she answered with a very worried tone. As if somehow a third parent of mine died or something.

"THIRTY YEARS!!!!" "WHAT IS HAPPENING??" "They keep records for 30 years!" "OHHHHHHHHHH!!! That's amazing!"

She probably didn't hop for joy in real life, but in my mind I like to pretend she did. I start explaining everything that just happened and how they most likely have my ECT records and then I realize I am in the middle of the world's second longest hallway and I don't remember which direction leads back to the world's longest hallway. And because I am having unusual and extraordinarily good luck, a medical worker was walking by right at that moment.

"Which way back to the elevator?" "This way!" "Oh great! Thank you!" "Or that way. There are two elevators."

There is that normal luck I recognize.

I can feel the universe realigning itself. But that is okay, because...

THIRTY YEARS, BABY!

I talk to Katrina as I traverse the two longest hallways. Thankfully I was going in the correct direction and found the proper elevator. After a nice chat about various things including problematic 80s movies, we hung up and I decided to treat myself to a hospital cafeteria chicken quesadilla. They are surprisingly delicious and I ate them every single day while my dad was in hospice. Those quesadillas were a single bright spot during one of the hardest times of my life.

So I walk up to the grillmaster and look at the menu.

"Wait, where is the quesadilla?" "We stopped making those two weeks ago."

Universal realignment completed. Luck has returned to its original state.

A male nurse in front of me commiserated. "Yeah, man. I miss them too."

I walked back out to my car both happy and depressed. An odd combination of conflicted feelings. But my day was not over yet. I needed vaccines and groceries. Naturally, I went to the grocery store with the CVS. I got my dad his last booster there, so I was confident they could take care of me. I grab a shopping cart and pick up a few things on the way to the pharmacy. I get in line at the little vaccine check-in spot. The woman in front of me is getting her booster as well. Otherwise, the pharmacy is empty and the three employees are just scrolling through their phones.

After the previous booster seeker was taken care of, I tell the woman I need a booster and a flu vaccine.

"I can give the flu shot now and set an appointment for the booster." "You never required an appointment before." "We just started a few weeks ago." "Can I make an appointment for, like, now?" "No, sorry." "Do you have the booster in stock?" "Yes." "Do you have someone here qualified to give the booster?" "Yes." "Do you have any other appointments right now?" "No."

I tried very hard to keep my composure and remain polite.

"I am disabled. It is very hard for me to get out of the house. Returning another day would be very difficult. Can you please make an exception?"

"I can get you in tomorrow."

I probably should have asked for a manager at this point. But I had no energy for confrontation. She started preparing for me to get the flu shot, but I told her I was going somewhere else. My happy news was quickly being soured by weird rules that made no sense.

But I did see a cool robot.

I got my groceries and loaded them into my car. Some were frozen items so I made sure to turn the A/C on full blast. I called another pharmacy. It was the one run by the Jamaican family who came out to the house to give my parents boosters during the height of COVID. I asked if they could do walk-in vaccinations without an appointment. And in that beautiful accent, they replied, "Sure, come on by. We'll take care of you."

Their shop is in Ferguson. Which I'm sure the news has convinced people is a constant warzone or something. But the main street, West Florrisant, is actually really neat in spots. A lot of small businesses catering to the Black community. There was a soul food place and an African hair braiding place and a Taco Bell. Okay, it wasn't all Black-themed shops, but the pharmacy was directly next to the "Wumzy African Attire" tailoring shop that was combined with the party planning store.

And in the back was an African beauty supply depot.

Three shops in one! Just a very efficient use of space.

And looking through the window of the tailoring shop was like a feast of colors for the eyes. I don't know how they get fabric so bright and colorful. Really beautiful patterns too. I tried not to look like a creep while staring inside so I just walked reeeeeally slow toward the pharmacy entrance.

I just wish people knew that side of Ferguson. It's a beautiful community that was really dragged through the mud by the national media.

I digress.

I walked into the pharmacy and it was long and skinny. They had a few shelves with over-the-counter health products. But the main area was pretty empty. I guess they want to make sure they can accommodate long lines without people having to wait outside. But their working area seemed really cramped. There were some awards on the wall and news articles. Apparently, they are very involved with vaccinating the local refugee community. Something you won't see at pointless appointment-having CVS. I just felt like I was in the right place even if my frozen items were thawing and my legs were buckling from constantly forgetting my cane in the car.

The shop was run by the pharmacist and matriarch. Her son took my information. He looked about 18 and was a bit shy—but very kind and helpful. He directed me to this little partition they set up for vaccinations and they had a liquor bottle full of hand sanitizer. The label had a big "DO NOT DRINK" warning. I found a picture of the exact one on Google.

I washed my hands and rolled up my sleeve. The pharmacist greeted me with my shots prepared. Some people have a sort of magic touch when it comes to giving shots. I'm not sure if it is a special technique or just lots of experience, but aside from a little pressure, I didn't even feel the needles going in. And my arm was only mildly sore despite the double shots.

I really wanted to thank her for sending someone to vaccinate my parents when no one else would. But I was really tired and chickened out. So I just thanked her and drove home.

I unloaded my groceries and collapsed on the couch. I could barely move at that point. Everything hurt.

But... 30 years.

I was feeling good the next day despite everything. My body hurt, but my brain was contented from my success. But there was more to do and everything was trending downhill. I called those doctors mentioned in my personal medical records. I knew it was a long shot, but I asked if they kept records from 2001. They did not. However, I thought the psychiatrist who did my ECT was dead. And it turns out he is just old-as-heck and still practicing. So even though he doesn't have records and probably doesn't remember me, I am hopeful he will write me a letter.

My other psychiatrist from back then is also still practicing. No records there either.

So far my phone anxiety wasn't getting the better of me. But I still had more calls to make and I could feel my brain starting to get melty.

My pocket knife doesn't open correctly and I couldn't get anyone to email me back from SpyderCo. So I called their office in Colorado and tried to get someone to talk to me. I got bounced to three different people and finally a guy told me that model is just hard to open. So that was pointless.

Melt. Melt. Melt.

And finally, I had to call the dreaded CPAP supply place.

It did not go well. At all.

You can read more about it at that link, but the short version is I got angrily sighed at for asking reasonable questions about what the hell "chart notes" are. And the lady refused to answer those questions for no reason I can fathom. She eventually brought me to tears and got angry at me for doing so. And it turned out the call was pointless as well.

Oh, and my lawyer was sick. Remember him? Vacation guy? Who skipped town at the exact moment I got my disability denial letter? Yeah, I had been waiting for 7 grueling, anxiety-filled days to speak with him and he gets sick the day he returns.

Brain is melty goo.

Hey, Universe! I think you are overcorrecting with that luck realignment. I appreciate the 30 years of records thing, but can you let me enjoy it a little?

Friday arrives and I still have calls to make. The CPAP lady really messed up my brain and so just dialing the numbers was freaking me out. But I decided to start with the worst first. I called the CPAP lady and she finally had her precious "chart notes" and put my order through. She was cheerful and helpful and I was confused but thankful.

I thought maybe things were looking up in my phone call adventures.

My next call was to my primary care doctor's office.

One thing you need to know about my doctor is he is a bit of a... hot mess. A very smart, capable doctor. He knows his stuff. I suspect he has an eidetic memory due to his instant recall of medication names and doses and things that happened 8 years ago and detailed descriptions of medical conditions he only heard about in school 40 years ago. Aside from that, he is kind and compassionate and he has my back no matter what.

But he is technologically stuck in the 80s. His personal life is a roller coaster of drama. He once hired his girlfriend of 2 months to work at the office and his regular staff secretly whispered "She's so awful" behind his back. (They broke up soon after.) He is disorganized and constantly running late. And he takes on tons of frustrating patients because they have nowhere else to go. I admire him for treating so many poor elderly folks without any family to take care of them, but you can tell it is extremely challenging at times and a lot of that labor is delegated to his staff.

His office manager is probably the only person on the planet who can tolerate him being a hot mess.

Unfortunately, she is also a hot mess in completely different ways.

She tries to speedrun through everything. It's probably because she has a million things to do and is trying to fit 12 hours of work into an 8 hour workday. I try to be sympathetic and understanding of that. But one of her methods for speeding things along is attempting to use her psychic powers. You will start telling her what you need and she will do this thing where she cuts you off and tries to predict said need.

"I need a prescription for..." "Your thyroid meds are due, right? I'll send it over to the pharmacy." "...insulin. But I have a question about..." "So thyroid and insulin? No problem. I'll send it over." "...increasing my dosage." "Wait, what's yer question, hon?" "Was it 50 units..." "No, it's says 100. Okay? I'll send it over. Take care." "...twice per day or 100 units once in the morning?"

Often her predictions are so bad that it actually takes a lot more time to correct her than it would if she had just let you finish speaking. And this is especially problematic for me because I rehearse everything I need to say and she constantly interrupts and so I have to end up improvising new things to say that I never accounted for. And I'm already anxious and not thinking clearly so I do a poor job of explaining my needs and it just ends up in disaster.

So I have a complicated situation. I need my entire written chart copied and sent to my lawyer. I know it is a lot of work for the office staff. They probably have to copy several hundred pages. But this is probably the most important evidence in my disability case. And my lawyer has already volunteered to pay the several hundred dollars it will cost. It's worth it because if my case goes well, I could get years of back pay.

I call and get the young woman whom I really like on his staff. She is very quiet and unassuming but secretly the star of the office. Like a ninja of competence. If you really need something done properly without mistakes, she is the best one to go to. But her job does not include handling the records, so she transfers me to the office nurse. The office nurse does not process new information well. You often have to explain things several times. And if she gives up trying to understand, she hands you off to the office manager.

The Final Boss, if you will. I was really hoping I could avoid that.

"Okay, so my lawyer needs all of my written records..."

"He needs to fax a form saying what he needs, okay honey?"

"He already faxed a release form asking for records and I brought in a new copy yesterday with all of his mailing information..."

"He didn't fax anything. He needs to tell us what he needs. I'm not seeing any form. Just tell him to call me."

"He is out sick today and he already faxed the form and I brought a second one just in case. I signed it and dated it and I watched Competence Ninja put it in my chart. It asks for everything..."

"Okay, I see it here. This doesn't look right. He needs to tell us what he needs us to send him."

"It says in the letter, 'to release any medical information, including medical records, written letters, treatment reports, testing results, or similar information.' Should it say something different?"

"I've been doing this 20 years and I've never seen anything like this. He needs to be more specific. I ain't sending him all that, hon."

"So, this is for my disability case. I already talked to the nurse about this. And I know it is a lot, but the doctor's records are the only direct evidence that I've been sick since 2001."

"So you just need something from 2001? Okay, the lawyer needs to fax something saying that."

"I need the entire handwritten chart copied and sent to the lawyer. We need a full record of my illness because..."

"This is ridiculous. You're lawyer is fucking lazy. I've never seen anything like this. And I'm worried he is not going to represent your interests."

"This is not a normal disability claim. If you'd allow me to explain I think you'd understand why I need..."

"Disability should already have all this. We shouldn't need to send this. This is fucking ridiculous and you need a new lawyer. You're going to lose your case with his lazy ass."

"This isn't normal disability. I need to prove that I've been sick for a long time and..."

"This is going to cost a fortune, you know? We charge 50 cents per page. You're going to be out hundreds of dollars."

"Okay, but I will be out thousands of dollars if I don't get this copied."

"Fuck it. I am going to copy this ONCE. No more after this. UNDERSTOOD?"

And... she hung up on me.

My heart was beating out of my chest with panic and my eyes were blurry with tears. And in that moment, I thought I had done something wrong. My doctor gave me his personal mobile number so I call him up with tears apparent in my voice. I explain what just happened and that I was really sorry and that I didn't mean to upset her. He told me she is "just like that sometimes" and I shouldn't take it to heart. They have a very serious deadline for something due that day and she was very upset and I was collateral damage. I asked him to apologize for me and he said there was no need. He said we'd work it all out on Monday when this deadline wasn't stressing everyone out.

It wasn't until I calmed down a bit that I realized I did absolutely nothing wrong. That she was just being a big jerk and taking her other problems out on me. And I was probably the one deserving of an apology. I also remembered this is not the first time she has blown up at me. She was the one who tried to make me get a ventilator instead of a proper CPAP machine years ago. She said, "My mom has one and it works fine." And I was like, "So if I travel I'm supposed to take 12 pounds of medical equipment instead of a 1 pound device that fits neatly into a backpack?"

I get why my doctor made excuses for her. She works very hard and puts up with him. He'd never be able to find anyone that would last a week doing that job. And I have a feeling he probably defended me after I called. I played what he said back in my brain and noticed a frustrated tone. Despite what he said, it seems clear he was pissed.

I can make amends and figure things out with her. That isn't an issue. But I am worried that between her and CPAP lady, all of the progress I've made trying to reduce my telephobia was erased. I really was getting better calling people. I used to need Katrina hanging out on Skype while I called anyone as moral support. And while it still helps, I've gotten a lot better at calling strangers on my own. But now, I'm not so sure.

I might ask if there is an office email address I can use from now on. If I can write out what I need there is no way to get interrupted. I can be clear and detailed and use my writing skills to communicate way better than my phone skills.

I don't know.

It was just a crappy way to end a stressful, exhausting week.

But it wasn't the end!

Friday evening my sick lawyer finally called. I had rehearsed all kinds of things I wanted to say to him. But it turns out, all of my emails already did most of the talking—proof that I write a great email. He was really impressed with all of my detective work. And he said if those records pan out, he is very optimistic about my case going forward. He also said that he was expecting a denial. And it was probably good that we got that out of the way quickly. And now we get to mount more of a defense, which is what lawyers are good at. We talked for about 20 minutes and came up with a battle plan. He explained the process going forward. But he mentioned one thing that worried me.

This could take a while.

A lot longer than I was expecting.

I explained that I currently have a runway until about June 2024. That's when the mortgage money runs out. However, my brother should be willing to release my inheritance in March. I hope. I have a hard time trusting anything my brother says anymore. But if he does, then I should have another year of mortgage payments. But I am definitely going to have a Plan B just in case my brother finds a new way to disrespect my father's wishes.

The lawyer said there is a quick thing and a long thing. The quick thing has a low chance of success. But it is worth trying. The long thing is a hearing with a Social Security lawyer. He said a lot of these lawyers are miserable and don't want to be there and don't really care. Which is a good thing because they'll just be like, "Fine, whatever." But it can take a long time to get a hearing due to backlogs.

So, as long as I can gather all the evidence and the hospital records have my ECT stuff, I think there is room for hope. A little hope. After years of chronic illness I know hope is sometimes dangerous. So I allot a tiny bit of hope to keep me going forward, but not enough hope to leave me devastated if things go tits up.

So... umm... I think that is the end of this novel of a post. I feel bad that I don't have a big climax or twist or cliffhanger. Should I add a big CGI dragon fight?

Even though a more down-to-earth kung fu fight with my brother would be a more satisfying conclusion?

Or I could pull an M. Night Shyamalan and reveal that I've been dead for quite some time.

This post is getting really long.

Why are you still reading this?

I am thankful that you are. I just needed to get all of that out. I hope I wrote it in a compelling way and you weren't bored.

I love you all.

[heartfeltcherie]

is it raining? no, it's just rayn!

i am here to give you a hard time/j and request an eeeeny meeeny luci comforting reader during a panic attack? thank you so muchhhh!!

COMFORT ᡣ𐭩

❀ summary; lucifer comforts you through your first panic attack.

❀ what to lookout for; mentions of a panic attack, pet names, lucifer being a dork, lucifer trying to make you laugh (and it works).

❀ extra notes; i most definitely based this off when i had a panic attack for the first time. to anyone who struggles with anxiety or mental health in general, you're not alone! my ask box and messages are always open if you need someone to talk to <3

- you were both sat on his living room couch watching some random show on the television.

- then you started to feel… weird.

- tiny stars began to cloud your vision, you felt like you were losing control, nothing felt right.

“luci?”

he hums in response, still looking at the tv screen.

“i don’t know what’s happening to me…”

- that sentence made lucifer turn his attention away from whatever was going on on the screen to focus solely on you.

- he saw how you were beginning to hyperventilate and panic.

- you were having a panic attack. how did he know this? he’s been through his fair share of them.

“hey, hey, dovey…” lucifer takes a seat next to you. “tell me what you want me to do- need me to do”

“need… hug…” you say weakly through a sob. as soon as lucifer picks you up gently and places you in his lap, the damn inside you breaks and you’re sobbing into his chest.

- he comforts you to the best of his ability; taking you through all the grounding and breathing exercises that he, himself, has had to use to bring himself back from being lost in himself.

- he tells you to breathe while he counts to three and then tells you to breathe out slowly. then he guides you through the 54321 grounding exercise.

- he tries to be funny and asks you to name the names of his rubber ducks that he’s made. he gets you to giggle a bit at that which was more than worth it to him because at least he knows he’s making you feel better.

- by now you’re breathing is back to normal, you’ve stopped crying and you’re finally back to your normal self.

- and when you realize what just happened… oh, the embarrassment that creeps in.

“i’m sorry you had to witness me being… like that… i don’t know what came over me” you apologize, looking away from lucifer in embarrassment.

“hey,” he brings a hand up to gently cup your cheek, making you look at him. “there’s no reason to apologize, sweetheart. what you just went through was called a panic attack, and they can be… pre-tty intense”

“have you ever had them before…?”

“oh yeah, tons of times. i’m like… the panic attack pro” lucifer jokes and you chuckle at him.

“i’m not sure that’s something you wanna be a pro at, luci”

- after this, you and lucifer have a talk about what’s been on your mind lately and what could’ve driven you to go into panic mode.

- but he also makes sure to remind you that he’s always here for you to give cuddles, kisses and make you laugh afterwards.

- and that he’ll make comfort pancakes. for both you and him, because why not?

❀ word count; 476

reblogs/hearts/comments and all that good stuff are appreciated !

audience; @crystalrayn @drxgonspine @alastorthirsty @speedycoffeedelight

© heartfeltcherie

[dreamypqulson]

Hi :) i love your writing and was hoping you could do one wear Cordelia finds out y/n is sh on her thigh? Or something <3

— my love, mine all mine

pairing: cordelia goode x reader

word count: 1500

warnings: self harm & depression

note: i got this request during my break so it’s a little old but i still wanted to write it cause it fits with my life right now!!!

You stared blankly at your bloody thigh in front of you. With the blade still grasped in your hand you tried to breathe in, and hold for five seconds, and then let it all out. It would help they told you. It would take away the misery until you didn't feel like hurting yourself anymore.

But you laughed a little as you watched the blood drip. It felt good and that was the worst part. You wanted to keep going. You almost did. You wanted the thoughts to shut up for a minute. But right as the blade lightly touched your flesh, there was a knock at the door.

And it snapped you out of it for a minute. Really, how long were you sitting on the cold bathroom floor for? Had anyone really noticed your absence or do they just need to get into the bathroom?

"Mhm?" You hummed, shaky but nonetheless clear.

"Are you okay, darling? You disappeared on me." Right as you heard that sweet familiar voice, you bounced off of the floor. Frantically, you grabbed a tissue and applied pressure to the broken skin after hiding the blade in the back of the cabinet.

"Yeah, sorry. I'll be out in a minute."

Cordelia didn't know about what was going on. Of course, she knows you struggle with mental health, but she'd hadn't yet found out about your legs. And you weren't planning on telling her.

By the way that you spoke, she felt like something was wrong. And, naturally, she wouldn't back down. She needed to help you with whatever was wrong.

"Can I come in?" She jiggled the doorknob but it was locked. You don't ever lock doors.

The blood leaked through the thin tissue and you cursed under your breath. You couldn't clean up with a wash cloth right now. You wouldn't have enough time to hide the evidence.

You looked up at the door and your blood ran cold. Answer her! You have to answer her before she comes in!

You pulled your sweatpants back up and flushed away the bloody tissues down the toilet so she couldn’t see them in the trash. "I'm coming," you said, and at this point, you were out of breath from the verge of a panic attack.

You opened the door and Cordelia's eyes widened. You were clearly frantic and you tried so hard to not cringe at the feeling of your pants rubbing against your raw cuts.

"Are you okay?" She asked again, but now she's more suspicious. You just nod your head and walk right by her. She follows you as you throw yourself on the bed.

Something doesn't feel right to her, but she tries to make it better by laying beside you and kissing you. You started to giggle looking over at her and for a moment, you completely forget about everything that just happened. She does too.

It isn't until she looks down that her eyes widen. And you're always so cautious about getting caught that your heart immediately drops.

"Why are you bleeding?" She asks, and sits up. You sit up too, and that's when you notice the patch of crimson on your thigh. Of course you'd just happen to be wearing grey sweatpants.

"Shit," you angrily curse, and start to get up off the bed. "I'm not sure. I'll go check it out though."

You try to head towards the bathroom but Cordelia grabs your arm so you can't move. You're fucked and you know it. "No, y/n. Why are you bleeding? Do not lie to me."

You always want Cordelia when you're injured or sick, so it was unusual for you to go run off. And after you acting strange in the bathroom, she was starting to think that she knew what is going on.

"I'm not lying, Cordelia! Are you serious right now?" Your voice raised slightly, going into a defensive mode, but Cordelia was quick to calm you.

"Hey, shh, shh. None of that. Just be honest with me, sweetie, i'm not mad." She reached up and cupped your cheek. Your lip started to tremble and you couldn't hold back the waterfall of tears. You couldn't bring yourself to tell her. "Are you hurting yourself?" She asks gently.

All you do is nod, and the waterworks stream heavier down your face. You simply shatter and Cordelia wraps her arms around you like she's trying to hold every piece of you together. "Oh, my baby. Okay, shh. It’s okay," the blonde cooes in your ear, rubbing calming circles into your back.

Her warm arms and floral scent keeps you grounded. You feel safe. Maybe it is okay.  "Do you want to talk about it, my lovely? Or no?"

You shake your head. You're too tired, and you don't feel like explaining everything. It's too much, too heavy, and you feel too weak.

"Okay. That's okay. Can I at least clean them for you? I don't want my girl getting an infection."

For once you speak up a quiet, "yes that's okay," and it hurts but you know that you’re being too nonresponsive already and you feel like a lot of work right now.

Cordelia grabs your hand and brings you back into the bathroom. She waits for your permission with her fingers resting on the waistband of your sweatpants. She'd wait here forever until you were ready. But you feel like you’ve already wasted so much of her time.

You nod your head and then Cordelia starts to slide your pants down your legs and you want her to stop. You want to take your permission back but you can't seem to talk. You can't seem to do anything and, god, you feel like you can't even breathe.

She doesn't gasp when she sees your bloody thigh. Her face doesn't contort into disgust. She looks so soft and gentle and you wonder how someone could be so pure enough to love someone like you.

She lifts you onto the bathroom counter. You don't even notice that you moved at first.

And even as Cordelia was looking straight at the bloody cuts, you still felt the need to lie and tell her that you weren't hurting actually yourself. It didn't feel real. Almost like you were shoved into another persons body with all of these scars and hurt on it.

You notice Cordelia looking at your whole thigh, how she can see all the old scars there. It hurts the most for her to see recent ones. Ones she can tell have been from the past weeks, even days, and she had absolutely no clue about it until now.

"I want you to tell me, my love," she says, so softly, and smiles gently too like she's not talking about you hurting yourself. "Okay? Whenever you feel like this, come to me, baby."

You nod simply, like it's the easiest task in the world. But you're not sure that you'll be able to even do that. You can see the pain and worry on Cordelia's face beneath that smile, and you don't want to hurt her anymore.

She grabs your hand, holds it there tightly. She knows you always like to hold it when you're upset or nervous, or even when you get shots at the doctors. She doesn't need to tell you that you're allowed to squeeze it; you already know you can.

Cordelia dabs away the blood with a wet cloth. It sends a sting throughout your entire body. You squeeze her hand and bite your lip hard enough to draw blood. All Cordelia can say is, "I know, I know, baby. I'm sorry. I'm almost done." And you wonder why she's apologizing. I did this. I brought this on myself. It's my fault.

Cordelia gently applies some antiseptic to your cuts and then she adds some band-aids on top. They're not the boring tan ones either. They're colorful and it even puts a smile on your face because it's such a Cordelia thing to do.

"There we go. All better," she says, as if cutting yourself wasn't the scariest thing in the world for her. But right now it is all better. You're bandaged up and Cordelia is holding your hand and smiling at you. Right now you don't hurt as much.

She leans forward and places a kiss on your nose. You crinkle it up and giggle at her. "You're so pretty, ya know." And it's not a question. She's not asking if you know that you're pretty. Because she knows that you really don't think you are. Especially not like this. But it doesn't matter right now. She just needs you to know that she thinks it so then it has to be true.

You're gonna cry again because your heart feels so tender, but then Cordelia is talking again and you get lost away in her voice. "How about we go have some hot cocoa by the fire? You feel like a little icicle." She says it like nothing has changed. Like she hadn't just found out that you're really a danger to yourself.

And you nod because you're still the same person you were to her thirty minutes ago. You still love cuddling her by the fireplace with a cup of hot chocolate that she made you. That hasn't changed, neither has her love for you.

[actual-changeling]

see what most people do not understand about trauma recovery is that it never stops. there are no breaks, no off-time, no designated days for recovery and then the rest of the week is psychological free time.

recovery is 24/7. it is every single choice you make, every single thought you think, every single emotion you feel. i am trying to build person and a reality from scratch, one wrong thought can send me down a multiple weeks long spiral that will mentally devastate me.

you need to constantly reaffirm wobbly beliefs, which requires grounding and good, functional coping mechanisms.

i can be walking, feeling fine, and then i hear an electric car and suddenly i need to repeat the year and place over and over and stave off a panic attack.

i can have a great week and then one nightmare ruins the month. i need to break a myriad of habits i developed to survive. i need to convince my brain and body that we're safe now, that i do not need to tiptoe around my own flat, that i can sit on the kitchen floor and won't get screamed at.

"just break bad habits" try breaking habits when even just thinking about doing so makes you go into survival mode because you are convinced any divergence from your routines will result in physical and mental pain.

it's exhausting. it's constant. it is entirely unfair because none of this is my fault, but now it is my responsibility to fix it.

and then people still have the fucking guts to look me right in the eye and tell me i am not trying hard enough.

[tetsunabouquet]

Loved the interpretation and writing of my last request! If you dont mind, here's a new one. Tw! Anorexia

Gom with a reader suffering from severe restricting eating to the point where they passed out in public or private, your choice. Again, sorry if this is triggering.

A/N: Thank you for the compliment! Trigger warnings for the readers up in the request

Akashi

-Don't expect this guy to be surprised. He has been suspecting it for a while. -When you faint in front of him, his heart sinks in that ultimate, 'Oh no,' moment. -Actually has a minor panic attack. -Flashbacks to his mom. -He'll do everything he can to wake you up. -Once you're awake, he'll have food arranged for you and he's guilt tripping you to eat it. -"Don't make me lose another person that I love."

Aomine

-Has actually told you before about how you should gain a little more weight as he notices the thinness but doesn't has the intellectual brain capacity to suspect something like an ED. -When you faint, it still doesn't registers in his mind but he does immediately recognize that you needed something to eat. -Momoi is the one to tell him she suspects your disordered eating, and Aomine's heart honestly breaks at the news. -He is demanding you to tell him which stupid idiot convinced you that you were fat, so that he can beat them up right now. -You are honestly touched to see him be so angry and upset on your behalf, he is so pure with his praise and love for you. -Demands that you eat with him at the Maji burger at least once a week and that you try to finish the meal he buys for you.

Murasakibara

-Like Aomine, he doesn't has any suspicions regarding the behavior itself but he does notices you don't eat enough. -Murasakibara just cradles you confused in his arms as Himuro tells him what to do next as well as mention his suspicions about your restrictve eating. -Murasakibara honestly stares at you like you're an alien creature as he has to process the idea that people can hate food that much, thank god you're unconscious and you can't see his face. -He makes up his mind to be the person to cure you of that hate. -Dumps pretty much all candy and snacks he has on him on you the moment you wake up all the whilst giving you a look as sweet and pure as the candy itself. -He increases little habbits like feeding you, because clearly you need it.

Midorima

-Has been taking calculated notes of how much you eat, but is afraid of coming off too strong so he refrains from daring to ask the question. -When you faint he has the most perfect response ever, and manages to stay calm even though he is breaking down on the inside with worry. -Confronts you sternly but lovingly once you wake up, he only wants the best for you. -Reads multiple books on how to be a supportive partner. -Honestly he's adorable with how hard he tries to be there for you. -After the event, he prepares you a bento in the theme of your lucky item of the day, always. Even on the days you can't bring yourself to eat it, he doesn't minds and just hoped carrying the lucky item themed lunch brought you courage in different ways.

Kise

-Knows. Immediately. -As a model, he has far too much model contacts not to know about that dark side of the industry so he knows all the signs. -Is the only one to have confronted you about it before it got to the fainting stage. -Honestly he bawls like a baby when you faint in front of him, because this was exactly like he feared. -He manages to get the number of a great treatment program from another model that is combatting her own ED after you woke up again and got him to calm down. -Tries to feed you all the time whilst acting as cutesy as possible, full idol mode. Because he hopes it will do the trick. -He tries to uplift you by talking about his own insecurities, as being under the limelight does also open him up to scrutiny way more then the average person.

[blues824]

Can I please request the sequel of the nezuko snapping in twisted wonderland but its the vice dorm leaders.

(The nezuko is the s/o of the dorm leaders)

🌺How would they react to to her going full demon mode on the demon that entered twisted wonderland.

🎍Who of the dorm leaders whoud talk about how they found her just stomping over and over on the dead demons head smiling sadisticly.

🌺How would trey react to her protecting riddle and seeing riddle panicing that he found her in such a state .

🎍How would jade react to her proticing Azul and helping protect the customers from monstro lounge.

🌺How would ruggie react to her protecting Leona and checa and how would he react to Leona being so worried about cheka.

🎍How would jamil react to him almost failing to save Kalim only for the nezuko reader to protect him.

🌺How would rook react to her snapping and being the hunter to protect Vil.

🎍How would ortho react to him almost being distroid by a demon and his brother running all the way from his room to save him.

🌺How would lilia react to sebec almost getting killed because he wanted to save Malleus only be to saved (then Malleus becoming protective over her like a dragon protecting its treasure) .

🎍Imagen the dorm leaders giving them the task to take care of most of dorm duties because the dorm leaders are worried about their s/o.

🌺And after a month they see her awake and pating the head of the dorm leaders (this time Vil said I don't care about my hair first my s/o ) and the dorm leaders giving her a hug.

Warning: slightly gruesome.

Trey Clover

He was helping Riddle to evacuate the students, but when the demon attacked he was prepared to shove the Housewarden out of the way. However, you tackled the demon before she even had the chance to touch a hair on anyone’s head. Trey noted that your muzzle was gone, and that you were absolutely destroying the other demon.

Once everyone was out and well on their way back to the NRC campus, him and Riddle went back to make sure that you were alright. Well, you were, but you smiled as you stomped the other demon’s head into the ground. There was blood pouring from the body, and the two Heartslabyul students had to use their magic to shove you off of the corpse.

Trey watched as you started sobbing in Riddle’s arms, but then he helped Crowley wheel the body away. His view of you did change, because now he knew that you were willing to protect your friends even if it meant the death of another being. He planned on making you some konpeitō candies to thank you for your hard work and your maintained self-control without your muzzle.

But, you had fallen asleep. Whenever Riddle went to visit you in the infirmary, he would make sure that no one at Heartslabyul broke the rules. He was aware that this was a trying time for the Housewarden, so he made sure that the month flowed smoothly and with ease so that no one would be beheaded. Well, no one besides Ace.

One day, about a month after you went unconscious, he got a text from his friend saying that you were awake and back at Ramshackle. He went over with some of the candies that he prepared for you, and to his surprise you were patting Riddle on the head. You were very happy to see your friend, but your boyfriend was too busy enjoying himself in your arms that you were not allowed to get up and greet him. Trey said it was alright when you expressed your desire to give him a headpat, and just bent down and said that he was happy you were alright.

Ruggie Bucchi

Leona handed Cheka to him to make sure that he got out of there safe. So, he did just that. He made sure that the young lion cub was out of harm’s way before going back to check on you and Leona. Well, he saw you stomping the shit out of the other demon and the Housewarden pulling you off. Your sobbing was enough to make even the toughest of lions break apart.

He reported to the second-born Kingscholar that Cheka was okay and back at Savanaclaw waiting for him. Ruggie also had to help deliver the corpse to a local burial site so that their soul would be laid to rest. You said that your brother was typically the one who would do this, but you held her cold hand in yours and wished her well in the afterlife.

This entire thing exhausted the hyena, but you seemed even more so when you completely passed out. He cleared the way as Leona carried you to the infirmary. Honestly, Ruggie already kind of respected you, but now he would do anything you asked for free. You just saved everyone’s lives, so of course he would. 

Anyways, when the Housewarden put him in charge of the dorm while he was gone, he expected it. To be fair, he already kind of ran the dorm with his unique magic, but you know. It was weird attending Housewarden meetings in place of Leona and Grim attending in place of you. However, it worked and thus it was accepted for the entirety of the month.

When you woke up, Leona sent him a text. Ruggie made sure to make a meal for you, seeing as you haven’t been awake to eat at all. The sight he stumbled onto when he entered Ramshackle was a sight he was unprepared for. You were sitting down on the couch and your lion boyfriend was laying his head on your lap and you were giving him headpats. He most definitely took a picture and posted it to Magicam, by the way.

Jade Leech

The last thing he expected today was for the entire Mostro Lounge to be destroyed by you slamming the other demon’s body through the table. Yeah, the fight accidentally entered the Octavinelle mirror in the Mirror Chamber. Jade, Azul, and Floyd each had the task of either escorting or carrying remaining people out of the Lounge so that they wouldn’t be injured.

Against his advice, the Housewarden went back inside. Jade followed suit, and you were stomping the dead body’s head into the ground over and over. Once the cecaelia called out to you, you had realized what you had done and broke down in sobs. The tweels went around the building, making sure no one was left behind and injured, before assessing the damage. It definitely would take a while to rebuild everything, but all they would have to do is threaten Crowley.

Then you passed out. Azul was freaking out on the inside as he hummed to you, but Jade and Floyd took your limp body from him and carried you all the way to the infirmary. They knew that your naps could last for days on end, so they prepared Octavinelle for the inevitable absence of their Housewarden. In the meantime, the Vice Housewarden would take over.

What no one foresaw was that you would be out for a month. During that large period of time, the cecaelia stayed with you in the infirmary. It was Jade who oversaw the rebuilding of the Lounge, as well as the business transactions that he has had to put on hold until Azul came back. Fortunately, everyone was quite understanding. Your reputation as everyone’s friend really came in handy for the tweels.

The day you woke up was a day of frenzy. He let everyone in Octavinelle know that you were awake, and that kind of set the mood for the entire day. When school was over, Jade went to once again bring his dorm-mate his homework, but this time he was headed to Ramshackle instead of the infirmary. He walked in to see Azul clinging to you like a koala and you just giving him headpats. Like Ruggie, he took a picture and sent it to Floyd.

Jamil Viper

He thought that he wasn’t going to reach Kalim in time, because they were on opposite sides of the room. The demon was headed straight for the Al-Asim, but you tackled it to the ground and looked back at Jamil. He understood the assignment you had given him: get Kalim out of there and to somewhere safer.

But, he was not going to be able to keep the Housewarden away from you forever, and when your snarls stopped everyone grew worried. The two Scarabia students went inside and saw that you were stomping the demon’s head into the ground to the point where it was flat and all of the blood was squished out. Kalim called out to you and the sadistic grin on your face disappeared as you looked to see the scared look in your lover’s and friend’s eyes.

Your sobs broke everyone’s heart, but it didn’t last for too long before you passed out. Jamil made arrangements with Crowley to bring the corpse to a burial site so that it could be respectfully dealt with. Meanwhile, he had Kalim bring you to the infirmary to make sure that you would be alright. 

During the month that you were unconscious, everything basically resumed like normal. The Vice Housewarden already acted like the Housewarden here, so Kalim being with you everyday wasn’t too different from the ordinary. The only thing that really changed was how Jamil would have to bring his homework to him before he went to basketball practice.

When you woke up about a month later, Kalim most definitely sent him a text. Like a few of the others, he prepared a small but fulfilling meal for you to enjoy because he knew that you have not eaten for a while. When he made it to Ramshackle, you were carrying the Housewarden on your back as you gave him a hug and a headpat as a greeting. 

Rook Hunt

He was about to whip out his bow and arrow, but you were surprisingly faster than the hunter when it came to defending Vil Schoenheit. He would have admired the young love being displayed, but the Housewarden smacked him in the back of the head before he had the chance. Before they made it out of the Mirror Chamber, however, a loud snarl coming from you sounded and Vil ran back to make sure you were alright.

Well, neither the actor nor the hunter expected to see you stomping the demon’s head in the ground. Rook watched as the other man called out to you only to console you once you had realized what exactly you had done. Well, the Vice Housewarden knew what needed to be done as you were being comforted, and he reported to Crowley that the body needed to be carted to the nearby cemetery.

Rook, being the gentleman that he is, gave you his handkerchief so that you could wipe the tears from your eyes. However, you passed out not too long after. He made sure that he reported to the Housewardens that Vil would be taking you to the infirmary and that they should inform everyone about your whereabouts.

During the time where you were out for the count, he could see that the actor was struggling with his very busy schedule. Thus, he offered to take over the duties of Housewarden of Pomefiore until you woke up. That way he could be able to focus on school, his career, and visiting you. It was worrisome for the hunter, how distracted Vil was. So it was set so that he would be the Housewarden in Vil’s absence. 

When you did wake up, Rook surprisingly didn’t know. After all, he was kept fairly busy with his new responsibilities. He was quick to order some of the second and first years about the news once he was told by Vil that you were well to spread it around to the other dorms as he made his way over to Ramshackle. What he stumbled upon there was a scene he could have never predicted: Vil letting you give him a headpat. You heard the gasp from the hunter, and tried to rush over to take his hat and give him a headpat, however the actor would not let you go.

Ortho Shroud

He had never felt fear quite like this as he braced himself to go back to Ignihyde as a bucket of bolts, but he just saw a flash and you tackled the demon and it started a full demon brawl. It was at that moment where Idia burst into the Mirror Chamber and pushed him outside. Some of his dorm-mates actually pulled him in so that he wouldn’t go back inside.

It wasn’t until he saw Idia carrying out an unconscious you in his arms that he received any news about what happened. You had scratches all over your arms and legs, your clothes were torn. However, because of your regenerative abilities, the scratches and bruises were healing very rapidly. He accompanied his older brother in bringing you to the infirmary, and both Shroud brothers were saddened at your state.

Whenever Idia went to visit you, Ortho would go as well. However, he would not stay overnight like the older Shroud would. He helped one of the students who Idia appointed to take over as acting Housewarden to do his duties, so he didn’t really have the time. He was glad that his brother was getting out, but he wished it was under better circumstances.

Another thing that no one expected was for you to be asleep for an entire month thus far. No news from the nurse meant that your condition hadn’t changed. Ortho was getting worried for his brother, since he could hear him crying in his room whenever he returned to Ignihyde. He was also worried about you, because he viewed you as his older sister (in-law) and he missed your hugs and headpats.

However, one day, he got a notification from Idia. You were awake. Ortho used the blasters that were built into his feet to fly to Ramshackle, and he opened the door to see Idia clinging to you and you giving him a headpat. He ran over to the two (three, considering Grim) of you and ran into your open arms. He felt so relieved seeing your eyes again, and he was happy to feel your headpats again.

Lilia Vanrouge

He, Sebek, and Silver were all prepared to defend Malleus when they saw the demon charging at him, but you got there first and kicked the demon out of the way. You looked back at the bat fae, and the message was clear: get out. So, he and the other two dragged the dragon prince out of the Mirror Chamber. It was difficult, to say the least.

But, when a growl was heard from inside, Malleus used his magic to force them off and find you. All they could do was follow him inside, and the sight made both Sebek and Silver sick. However, Lilia and your lover both watched as you stomped the demon’s head into the ground with a smile on your face. Once you realized they all saw this, you broke down. Of course, while the prince was consoling you, the knights knew that the body would have to be dealt with. Then you passed out.

During the time where you were passed out, there was always a storm cloud above both Diasomnia and Ramshackle. All the students from the first dorm could tell that their Housewarden was in distress because of your unconscious state. Lilia was aware of his visits to you each night, and made no attempt to stop them. A dragon without his mate was a dangerous one, and the bat fae knew that.

After a whole month had passed, the hope of you waking up was dimming. The storms were intense, and there were a few vines of thorns encapsulating your bed within the infirmary. Students reported seeing a dragon flying around in the wee hours of the morning, seemingly in despair. Lilia knew what it really was, and I’m sure you do as well.

However, when you did wake up, the former general was able to hear Malleus whisper your name upon seeing you. He left Silver in charge as he rushed over to Ramshackle, and the sight he walked in on was one that put his old heart to rest. You were awake and in Malleus’s arms on the living room floor of the run-down dormitory, patting his head. Well, now the storms could clear up…

[jadeylovesmarvelxo]

Comfort ❤️

Summary; I love thunderstorms but thought it would be nice to write something where Eddie comforts the reader who's scared of thunderstorms.

There's a massive storm while everyone is at school, it's winter and the storm hits during the afternoon instead of night.

Eddie comforts the reader when they find themselves together in an empty classroom.

Warnings; Anxiety attack, mean Eddie, enemies to lovers, fluff, much kissing, comfort. minors dni

I don't give anyone permission to copy, reuse, or repost my work.

❤️

❤️

The biggest storm to hit Hawkins in years happened while you were in class.

It was the usual day, Eddie was your partner and seemed intent on irratating the hell out of you.

That was the thing with him. Half the time he pissed you off, the other half you wanted to kiss him. The latter part was something you kept secret.

You were barely paying attention to what Mrs O'Donnell was saying, mind focused on cheer routines and the way the wind seemed to be increasing by the minute, the howling growing louder, rain battering of the windows.

It was fine, you were fine you tell yourself trying to stay calm. The truth was though you didn't like storms very much, these ones weren't too bad but add thunder and lightning to the mix and you panicked.

The weatherman said to expect thunder and lightning, gale force winds. A big storm was meant to hit tonight but it appears it was arriving earlier than planned.

It seemed to get progressively worse, the sky darker, the lights were flickering on and off and your friends and other students seemed very excited.

All through classes everyone was on edge or anticipating something big happening.

What if the power went out completely, it's not like anyone could go home. It was too dangerous.

What were you going to do at the end of the day? You could hear teachers talking about it, thinking that it was the best for everyone to stay here until the storm calmed down.

You kinda wished you had listened to your gut instinct and just stayed in bed this morning.

"Princess you keep gripping that pencil like that and you're gonna break it" Eddie points out to you and you drop the pencil.

"What's up with you anyway? You break a nail during cheer practice?" he asks with a smug smile on his face and his barb momentarily distracts you from being nervous.

"Bite me, Munson" he's just about to retort but the bell rings signalling lunchtime and you'd rather get as far away from him as possible.

No such luck though. He follows you, gently tugging on your ponytail to get attention and you huff, turning around and glaring at him.

"Are you five years old or something? God, you're such a dick" he shrugs.

"Had to get your attention somehow princess priss, haven't heard you call me an asshole for three hours now, I got worried"

That nickname irritated you but you still feel your heart skip a beat as he moves closer to you, does he feel that spark too?

There's a clap of thunder and you startle, Eddie watches you his eyes full of mirth.

"Asshole" you yell over your shoulder as you walk away, his laughter follows you down the hall.

❤️

Around fifth period the lights went out completely it was already dark being the winter months so there wasn't much light.

Mr Arnolds tried to calm everyone down but it was hard to hear him over the shouting. Shouldn't the school have a backup generator or something.

The lights going out had sent everyone into panic mode. Except for the students who seemed more prepared than the teachers, you had brought a flashlight to school just in case of this happening.

Better to have some sort of plan you reckoned.

Despite that all the worried voices coupled with the storm outside was making your anxiety spike even more.

You find an empty classroom and try to get control of your racing thoughts.

Except you're not alone, as you shine your torch you notice Eddie seems to have had the same idea as you.

"Shouldn't you be in class sweetheart? Keeping people's spirits up with your peppy cheer routine" you snort with laughter.

"Good one Eddie, it take all your time to come up with that zinger?" he smiles back at you, it was weird. Sometimes you think he likes bickering with you, sought you out.

Like you did with him.

Hesitantly you peer out the window and the tree branches slam against the window causing you to jump, thunder rumbles, it's so loud it makes you immediately tense.

"Aww, what's wrong princess? Scared of a little thunder and lightning?" Eddie mocks as he watches you and you turn around ready to snap back when there's a rumble of thunder again, the lightning flashes perilously close to the window.

Fear floods through your body and you look around the room trying to stop yourself from panicking.

Five things you can see... Eddie's smug irritatingly cute face. Your book for your English report, the anxiety in your stomach grows even more, this isn't helping.

"Hey, hey look at me" Eddie kneels down beside you, taking your hand in his, mocking look gone and replaced with concern.

"I hate this" you whimper and he softens as you tighten your grip on his hands.

"Sweetheart, you're safe with me okay? Do you think I would let anything happen to you?" you stifle a smile.

"I irritate you, drive you up the wall" he smiles, all dimples.

"Yeah, no shit but you're sweet when you want to be, smart, beautiful and brave, this is like a dnd quest okay? The knight and his badass princess sheltering from a storm and working together to keep each other calm"

This begins to relax you. "Maybe a little bit different from your usual quests, you pause and your heart skips a beat, you think I'm beautiful?"

He blushes a little bit. "Maybe" You tilt his chin up so he looks at you, his big brown eyes wide.

"Maybe I think you're cute," you tell him and wipe your tears away. He pulls you tight against his body and you rest your head on his chest.

"Talk about anything please, take my mind off this" he obliges and begins to tell you about the movie he watched last night, the songs his band Corroded Coffin performed at the Hideout.

"We had like four drunks princess, think that's a record" This causes you to giggle.

"I'd like to see you perform" he rubs your arm as you flinch when lightning flashes again.

"Shh, just focus on me kay? I'd love to see you at the Hideout princess, can you bring your pom poms?" he teases and you grin.

"It's a date... I mean, shit" Why the hell did you say date? Cringing you play with his guitar pick as his breath hitches.

"I'd like that a lot. It's definitely a date" The storm suddenly seems quieter or maybe it's because Eddie is looking down at you with warmth in his big brown eyes.

"Better?" he probes, stroking your cheek then leaning to kiss you. Nothing else matters as you kiss, you lose yourself in how amazing it feels.

"Think I'm starting to like storms now" you admit but then the thunder starts again and you wince.

"Okay, maybe not"

"Guess I'll have to distract you some more" Eddie smirks and kisses you gently. It turns more intense and the storm rages on all afternoon.

With Eddie kissing you like this though it's easy to forget it just for a little while.

❤️✨

[yumeka-sxf]

A chronological analysis on Twilight and Yor - Part 10

*This is part of an ongoing post series. If you missed the Introduction/Part 1, click here*

----------

Before Anya gets her first stella, we get another scene of Twilight pressuring her to study after he sees her poor test scores. While he's still a bit strict here, he catches himself soon after chiding her, realizing that pushing her too hard will only hurt her motivation (meanwhile, Yor is once again the encouraging mother and compliments Anya on her good math test score).

Rather than keep forcing his agenda of making her an academically inclined scholar like he did before, this time Twilight makes noticeable effort to try to understand Anya's side of it, as he and Yor discussed previously. He tries various activities to see which one she naturally excels at, and though she doesn't do well in any of them, he tells himself not to get too worked up, since she is only a first grader and Desmond won't be making his move right away.

Even when Anya continues to screw up when they volunteer at the hospital, he doesn't get mad at her. However, when she does end up getting a stella, he doesn't hide the fact that he feels genuinely proud of her. He pats her head (one of his rare displays of affection) and tells her "nice work," all the while thinking to himself that he felt the same sense of pride when he stopped a terrorist attack during a mission. We get two "softly emphasized" panels of Twilight smiling proudly at Anya, and Anya beaming back at him. The fact that he's allowing himself to feel a genuine emotion for this child that he originally felt no qualms about returning to the orphanage, shows his growth not just from a parenting perspective, but also from an emotional one, as slight as it is.

Of course, Yor has no problem giving Anya a big hug and telling her how happy she is. Looking at Anya's face, Yor is probably still learning how to hold back when hugging Anya and was squeezing her a bit too tight. Thankfully she didn't break anything like she had done with Yuri!

When Anya decides that she wants a dog as her stella reward, Twilight and Yor's initial ideas about dogs are fitting. Since both of their lives have revolved so heavily around their work, they never got to know many "normal" things, including a normal relationship people have with dogs. The ever-paranoid Twilight imagines a burley guard dog trained for security purposes – someone like him could only imagine getting a dog because it would be useful for his missions, not for something "trifling" like emotional support. Yor sees dogs as dangerous, likely because many of the criminals she's sent to assassinate have attack dogs for their protection.

Twilight even goes so far as to have WISE supply their own trained dogs to the pet shop. But much to his dismay, Anya doesn't like any of them, causing Twilight to reluctantly decide to try the adoption fair instead.

When Anya wanders off, Yor panics when she can't find her. More of her naivety about the world shows when she assumes that Anya was kidnapped in order to be some shady character's bride because she had just seen it on TV.

When she finally does find Anya with the terrorists, we once again see her scary "mama bear" mode that's strictly reserved for anyone who threatens her loved ones. Similar to how Twilight is willing to quickly cast aside his "for the mission" philosophy if someone he cares about is in trouble, Yor will quickly cast aside her desire to act "normal" for the same reason. She and Anya then share a sweet moment where Anya apologizes for running off and Yor gives her a hug.

I'd also like to mention that both Twilight and Yor were threatened by the German shepherd, but both of them chose not to actually harm him even though they definitely could have. Instead of giving him one of her deadly kicks like she does to anyone else who's about to harm Anya, Yor chose to instead give him an intimidating glare (which worked).

Twilight could have shot him, but instead he chose to shoot off his vest containing the bomb. Even when the dog was biting him, he chose to trap him in a nearby dumpster instead of shooting him. He even apologized to the dog, both for having to put him in the dumpster and for the more general reason that dogs like him have to suffer for human conflict.

As much as Twilight and Yor see dogs as dangerous creatures, they choose not to harm a dog that was actually a threat to them. Yor even showed concern for Bond (a dog she just met who was supposedly allied with terrorists) when she thought Anya was being too rough with him.

Anyone who shows compassion to animals always gets points in my book! (there was also the time at the Eden interview where Yor chose to subdue the rampaging bull by hitting its pressure points when killing/injuring it would have been easier for her – she even said that she wasn't sure such a thing would work on a bull, but took the risk anyway).

Of course, Twilight and Yor's initial concerns about dogs disappear once they bring Bond into their home and see what a gentle boy he is.

Continue to Part 11 ->

<- Return to Part 9

[playertwotails]

Okay so I just read the new Sonic IDW issue #56 and there's so much about this issue I love but there are some particular panels I wanna talk about.

Putting it under the cut for spoilers. Also cause it's a long post cause I have thoughts.

SO first off Sonic is just having a bad time this whole arc, dude cannot catch a break lately I swear.

Like poor guy is having the worst week. Stating the obvious, but like he's in so much pain here and idk how many volts Surge just pumped into him but I'm gonna assume it was probably enough to kill anyone who's not Sonic. (Yay for plot armor lol). But seriously he should probably be dead but he's also got like basically over maxed stats in constitution so he can take hits that'd kill others but that doesn't mean it's not gonna hurt like hell.

Also look at Tails he's so worried and tries to dive after him but just wasn't quite fast enough. Plus look how Sonic landed...facing Tails when he first started falling he was face down. Meaning he had turned around mid fall and tried to reach out to grab hold of Tails' hand. The last thing he saw then before getting hit with fuck you levels of volts was Tails' terrified face just above him.

Which also means that Tails just saw all that up close. He was probably hovering just over Sonic based on the panel where he tried to catch him but couldn't do anything to help without also getting hit with Surges electricity too. So Tails more than likely just had to hover there and watch all that happen.

Side note: I also find it very interesting that it was a combination of his biggest fear and Tails' that resulted in this. Like yeah that was the whole point of Surge and Kit, they were made to prey on each of their biggest fears. But the fact that it was only Sonic that took the worst of the hits from the both I feel like says something. And the fact that Tails kept being able to talk down Kit (water) from attacking while Sonic couldn't do the same with Surge (lightning). Idk what but there's something there to look into and think about.

Moving back to the panels though:

When Tails can finally reach Sonic after the bath from hell he is freaking out and concerned. He's scared for Sonic to the point he can't even form a complete sentence just pure panic mode is on. And Sonic, who's in all kinds of pain right now, sees Tails freaking out and being worried about him and immediately makes a joke to try and calm Tails down.

Sonic just ignores how awful he feels to try and reassure his little brother. Cause he knows what Tails just saw and wants/needs him to calm down and Sonic does that the only way he knows how, joking around with Tails.

Now these next panels make me go absolutely feral

Sonic sees Tails get hit on the head from a huge rock and knocked out and his panic protective big brother mode instincts get kicked into overdrive. Sonic is clearly freaking out I mean he's even stuttering with the stress and panic of it all. Aka he is in 'no thoughts just panic and run' mode.

(I'm guessing too that the wisps are way too drained to do anything at all after all that, heck some of them aren't even floating)

Also he's repeating to himself over and over "I've got this". He's just trying so hard to get them all out of there and with Tails, seemingly down for the count, Sonic only has himself to save his little brother, the wisps, and himself. He has to "got this" or they're all done for. So he has to keep reassuring himself that he can save them cause there is no other option and no one else there to help.

To top it all off he's not at 100%, he just had a fight with Metal, then Surge, then some spicy bath water, then about to be Metal again and now he's fighting a collapsing building cause of Kit. He hasn't had a breather in like days now in this arc.

But then the next panels happen:

Look at Sonic's grip in that first panel, he's only got two fingers still griping when he's first grabbed it, barely, with his whole hand. He's about to slip but he's trying to hard to hold on with just those two fingers he's shaking cause he refuses to let anything bad happen to Tails on his watch. (Plus you know also his own life and the wisps, but he would 100% sacrifice himself in a heartbeat if that would do anything to save the rest of them)

Which makes me love Tails' iron grip shooting up and grabbing hold right next to his shaking hand so much. Just like the symbolism of it all just to begin with, Sonic can do a lot of things but when he literally, and figuratively, is losing his grip of the situation Tails has got them. Tails just once again swooping in last second to save Sonic is such a little badass moment, these last few issues have just been feeding Tails fans with good content I swear. They really let Tails keep being the one to save Sonic and show off how much Sonic needs him just as much as Tails need Sonic.

Just that quote from Ian Flynn again "sonic needs tails and that’s a cosmic truth"

Tails reassuring Sonic that "we've got this" is such a sweet moment. After all that panic Sonic just went through trying to save them he gets the reassurance that Tails has his back just as much as he has Tails'.

Also look at Sonic's face when he's looking at Tails he loves his little brother so much.

That little "yeah" he says too really just feels like a loaded statement other than just agreeing with Tails. I think he has that split moment of "what ifs" going through his head when he says that. Like yeah they're safe thanks to the fact Tails woke up. But what if he didn't, Sonic knows he wasn't gonna be able to save them on his own in this situation.

Now Sonic trusts and relies on Tails but in moments of panic when Tails in danger and protective older brother instincts kick in I think Sonic does also forget just how capable Tails is. Not that Sonic thinks less of Tails in any way, that's not what I mean at all, just that he gets to focused on keeping Tails safe he forgets Tails is very capable in pretty much every situation.

These last panels though are so good too:

I think that a combination of everything with this whole situation is why Sonic looks beyond pissed in this panel.

Eggman's old ally tortured, experimented on, and brainwashed a bunch of kids. The same guy that tried to kidnap Tails.

Surge had a mental breakdown and might be dead for all Sonic knows thanks in part to Eggman's machine which gave her a power high and basically overloaded her.

Eggman attacked them the second she was no longer a threat even with a truce that was supposed to last till they were out of there.

Because of that Kit destroys the building with all of them inside and Tails gets knocked out and almost killed right along side Sonic all cause Eggman couldn't keep his end of the bargain.

I think next time Sonic see's Eggman he's not gonna play so nice and quipy like he normally does. This may have been the straw that breaks the camels back with his attitude towards Eggman. Sonic won't kill him but he's not gonna pull punches either from now on.

And Tails looks so concerned after that glare Sonic gave. He knows Sonic better than anyone else and knows how mad he actually is. Even though Sonic is down playing his anger with is words afterwards a bit, seemingly letting it go, Tails knows him well enough to pick up on the fact that Sonic's still angry. And yeah Sonic backs off and leaves but even walking away he looks pissed off. (Tails just looks tired walking away and the wisps look traumatized, bless them they need a nap after being trapped and used like that)

Any way that's just my thoughts on the new issue. Let me know what ya'll think.

[lunaralight09]

May I have an SFW Alphabet for SCP-073/Cain? Please and thank you for considering my request!

& bwalker0399(Wattpad) requested: DO LIKE A SCP 073 (Cain) alphabet head cannons please!💗(W)

No problem! I'm always glad to take request . Since I don't really know what to write :') But keep  in mind that my imaginations is dead-

And I'll probably rewrite old Alphabets(and ofc it will take a looong time

A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

Pretty affectionate . There isn't many people who show him affection . So he'll be pretty clingy in the beginning of your relationship . Even if you both are best/close friends(But won't be too clingy if that makes you uncomfortable) And his way of showing his affection is quality time and well ... Physical touch ,if that's okay if not then words of affirmation . 

B = Best friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?)

Well he's a nice friend , he'll listen if you rant or just felling down and want to talk about it . And he's good at keeping secrets(not really , but he'll try to keep a secret that you told him , especially if it's really serious . Not that he would tell someone if that is not serious .)

C = Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

At first he'll be unused to cuddles and as I said will be clingy . After a while , he will be really happy to cuddle with you and will be a little less clingy . And Cain don't have a fav position , just happy to be near you . 

D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)

Yeah , he would want to live together with you . But, it will be a problem if you got something made of plants/plant related things/plants or flowers in your home . 

E = Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

It's a little bit hard for him ... Okay , no it's hard for him . He's scared that you'll be really mad at him just like his brother . And he don't want to hurt your feelings too . But maybe some day , he will thinks that Foundation won't really appreciate that you are dating an anomaly , maybe they'll hurt you , so he thinks that it will be safer for you .

F = Fiance(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

I mean . He's a little old timey and would want to marry you ... If that was possible . But he still has some thoughts about both of you getting married and maybe start a family . And he knows that the chances are low. 

G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

He's pretty gentle , both physically and emotionally . He knows that if he fucks up he'll hurt your feelings or you try to attack him and you'll get hurt . So he won't be too pushy about some things and etc. 

H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)

Yup . Ofc he do . And I don't need to say more I already wrote about cuddles/hugs .

I = I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?)

When he's just admiring you(where there isn't many people) and they he'll say that he loves you . Then realizes and panics a little .

J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)

He's not the type to get jealous of people you talk to . But if he sees someone flirt with you/cat call you or something then his protection mode goes up and will warn this person that you're taken and wouldn't want puch them or anything . But if they get aggressive and try to attack him . Well you know what would happen .

K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

Gentle and loving . That's one of the ways he show his affection 

L = Little ones (How are they around children?)

He can tolerate them and thinks that some of them are cute(but doesn't like then they scream . Like all/most of us). But because he didn't see and interact them for a while. 

M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)

I mean if you have a chance to sleep with him at least for one day . Then he will want to cuddle for a little longer . You can only get out if you convince him . And it's not that hard . He can help you with something from your routine(if you have one). No really he'll gladly help you , just ask .

N = Night (How are nights spent with them?)

Once again, if you have a chance to spend the night . Then ... Well . He's touch starved , so cuddle with him . Also he can listen to your rambling about problems/passion or just your talking . He's a good listener.

O = Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

Even though he's affectionate with you he'll still need some time to open about all things , well secrets . He'll tell you them once he know that you're truth worthy.

P = Patience (How easily angered are they?)

Not really . He's usually irritated or just nervous, not angry . It takes some time to anger him . But if he is , he'll try to get away from people . Mostly keep the distance from you , he doesn't trust himself when angry . Since he still feel guilty about that ... Incident.

Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

Oh for sure . His memory is really good . So he'll bring some of your favorite things in conversation with you . And will try to study more about those(if he can convenience scientists) . Well ,he can forget about few details, but hey . He's trying his best.

R = Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?)

The confession. And when you hugged him for the first time . Just a simple wholesome memories.

S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)

He's not overprotective, but not under protective((?)idk if it is a word) . But will be protective of you when his brother's near and will try to make it look like he's protecting just another person. 'Cus he doesn't want Able to know that he's with you or he'll try to kill you as a revenge about his own death. Usually he'll stand in front or close to you if person is trying to attack you physically, if they try to be mean to you , he'll take you away from them . Maybe he'll insult them back if they're too annoying . Even if he can't get hurt physically(he still can feel pain even if he reverse the attack), he still can get upset . So he'll be really grateful if you stand up for him .

T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

Ohhhh . It's a really tricky one . He would want to be able to put more effort than he already can . But he's in Foundation, so it's not much . He's still trying.

U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)

He has 3 of them . Fidgeting(Foot tapping to be exact.), day dreaming and pen/pencil chewing(if you give him one).

V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)

Eh . Not so concerned. He's usually don't care . Well even if someone points it out , he'll still don't care . Already got used to how he looks .

W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

Yeah . He'll feel like his half is missing. But he is used to being alone. But if you're together for a long time . He'll feel like literally his half of soul is straight up missing. 

X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them.)

If he ever tried to bring you flowers, they'll be fake . You know those fake ones that looks pretty real, until you look closely and/or touch them . Yeah , pretty much he would do that . And hey! At least they won't rot after a day/few days, so that's a plus . However if you prefer plants over/like them more than flowers, he'll try to convince(once again) some scientist to get him some(That are fake ofc). Many convincing . Like a lot

Y = Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)

Rude, noisy people . And that are narcistic . And who likes kids romantically .

Z = Zzz (What is a sleep habits of theirs?)

Honestly he'll just go to sleep whenever he feel really tired . And the time he goes to sleep always change .

[radskull-69]

TERRY ANN, HUMANITY CO (AI) SONG!

Everything was made by ai minus the lyrics, I take no credit!

LYRICS!

[Verse] Overworked and terrified, you’re overreacting!

what’s got you so worried?

Well, the boss is up to something and the ai is acting up!

Fuck this, I’ve had enough, now go clock out.

Your shift is done, not gonna acknowledge all this burn out

You wanna leave! You’re going to cry! Just go through the doors and you’re gonna be fine!

Uh oh..

How am I back at my desk…?

[Verse 2] Headphones on, dials and wires! Mind trapped in files, my anxiety fires!

I can’t escape this office job! Stuck looking at computer screens, coffee spills and lost files

It’s a miracle you can’t hear my screams!

Input commands, don’t talk back I can’t remember when I last seen the sun! My head is overwhelmed with static!

Wheres all the Humanity!?

Screens flash danger, can’t cut back and run. I pray someone finds a way out

[Chorus] Cycle spinning, clock never stops Cogs in the madness, anxiety drops Trapped in the circuit, nowhere to go Digital prison, heart's too slow

[Verse 3] Breakroom break-ins, secrets they keep Humans, machines, i’m in too deep Can’t trust the gossip, the walls got ears Paranoid heartbeat, I’ve got programmed fears

[Bridge] Can’t leave, can’t die, circuits closed tight.. someone tell pal to stop glaring at me!

Endless data streams, coding through the night. I can’t hear myself think over these computer keys!

Digitized nightmare, heart full of static Panic mode on, life mode on automatic!

I can’t trust myself, I need a way out, I just hope they finally let go of meee!

God knows they won’t let me quit…

[Chorus] Cycle spinning, clock never stops Cogs in the madness, anxiety drops Trapped in the circuit, nowhere to go Digital prison, heart's too slow

Headphones on, dials and wires! Mind trapped in files, my anxiety fires!

I can’t escape this office job! Stuck looking at computer screens, coffee spills and lost files

It’s a miracle you can’t hear my screams!

Input commands, don’t talk back I can’t remember when I last seen the sun! My head is overwhelmed with static!

Wheres all the Humanity!?

[chorus] Where’s all your humanity!?

These AI’s be acting too familiar to me.

Holding my briefcase tight, don’t wanna be here but I’m in too deep! Gonna cry if I don’t do this right!

Where’s all the humanity!?

[verse 4] I’m ripping out my hair trying to finish this work, gonna have an attack before I even make it to the desk

Got jitters and my fears taking over every room, coding to keep them happy. Just smile and try not to think hard about how they trapped me

I don’t wanna be here I just wanna go home! Back to mom, my farm and all my Froyos

I don’t belong here in this suit and tie, mom please answer my calls I’m gonna fucking cry

Headphones on, dials and wires! Mind trapped in files, my anxiety fires

I can’t escape this office job Stuck looking at computer screens, coffee spills and lost files

Why can’t you hear my screams?

[moomeecore]

hey, i hope this isnt rude, but i value your thoughts on betty (and simon!) and i think about your various analytical pieces often.

so i hope this isnt too vague, but. ive been thinking about the ways betty and simon might differ from each other, specifically in the way they view...everything. do you think one of them has a 'sees the big picture but misses the small details' view and the other has a 'gets lost in the details, cant see the big picture' view? im not sure if they differ here, or if they are both the 'gets lost in the details' but going opposite ways...?

FINALLY getting around to awnsering this. i got sick so it took me even longer than i thought it would (had to wait until i could retain coherent thoughts)!!

Ok So, a lot of this is extrapolating (esp for betty) and goes very into more of a headcanons and Personal Interpretations area than a, like, canon analysis. in part bc the show dosen’t give us a ton of content of these characters (i mean, there’s plenty of simon content as ice king but im talking about pre and post ice king simon here). but yea im just gonna ramble. dont take this super seriously btw guys. again a lot of this is just personal Interpretation yknow

SO i think simon is definitely a “gets lost in the details guy”. at least like, overall. that man overanalyzes things until he goes into a state of paralysis and then he just passes out. in some ways he might better about this post being-freed-from-the-curse, on the basis of "had to survive the apocalypse by thinking on his feet", but also worse about it bc of the lasting impacts of having been ice king. because one of the Big Things about ice king is that he almost never thought anything through and just did things as soon as he thought of them. i think simon probably really wants to be Not Like Ice King and so might be scared of making choices too fast or acting too impulsive. i imagine he’s very worried about behaving like ice king and thats something thats in the back of his mind most of the time, impacting his confidence in his own choices & actions. but also f&c sorta shows that he has that issue of trauma responses causing him to have emotional outbursts and make quick decisions. so thats something to keep in mind.

i think he's, like stuck in a state of being scared to do things without thinking really hard abt them but then sometimes he does that and then he usually regrets it and feels really awful afterwards. not always guilty-awful even. f&c seems to show him feeling angry a lot. to me simon deals not just with guilt over being ice king or recovering from being ice king or Having strong reactions to things or making choices he regrets… but also with Anger At The Situation - a lot of feeling confused and not sure what to do and overwhelmed, i think . (i like that they let him be angry and frustrated, not just sad and depressed. i think this is very realistic to trauma related emotional responses)

the other thing abt simon is he tends to follow other people's lead on a lot of things. i think he just likes not having to deal with the pressure of making decisions. he seems more inclined to lead around f&c than around, like, finn, though. and betty. but i think that’s in part because he was taking on a protector role w them. but yeah. he does a lot of crazy shit in f&c but very noticeably does not really act as a lead decision maker. until they get to the vampire world and they get attacked for a second that man is yelling orders and breaking a chair over his knee and pulling out a pocket knife to carve it into a stake lighting fast. which i loved that. i loved that he gained so much confidence from being in Panic Mode when confronted w vampires Because those where something he had to deal with in the apocalypse when raising marcy. he had to know what to do for marcys sake. other than that tho he's usually making suggestions at most. and agreeing to do scary crazy shit lmao . EXCEPT he decides on his own in secret to try and contact golb . hehe (motivated by wants to see his wife)

(it also seems like when he feels more confident in something he's much more capable of making choices. (makes sense) he wasnt paralyzed by anxiety when going on that research expedition with betty, probably because he was literally getting a phd (or had a phd, the show was so weird abt that) in that subject. makes sense he knows what he's doing. and also is interesting bc in ep2 of fionna and cake when he goes on an Adventure with finn he's very scared and nervous, but then talks about how he "used to be quite the adventurer in [his] day", which fits into the theme f&c had w his character where he feels out of place and less confident bc his whole ass profession isn't really relevant anymore, and everything is so different from how it used to be. so yeah. current simon has even less self confidence and confidence in his own decision making than Back In The Day simon bc of that)

id like to say that…. i think that the fact that it took betty only a few years to summon and eldritch god to free simon from his curse meanwhile it took simon 12 years to get to the point where he kidnapped a guy to use in a summoning ritual to talk to betty is interesting. bc i really do think they both love each other, and are both obsessive and co dependent. but betty went off the deep end so fast, meanwhile simon took a lot longer to do something comparatively Less Evil for betty. i think that a lot of this is because simon is just less confident in his choices, more nervous about making decisions, and *slower* at making decisions. in part because of a obsessive focus on details (i also think a buncha other stuff contributed to the difference in how long it took betty vs simon to do differing levels of fucked up shit for eachother but Yeah that’s the relevant part.)

i wouldn't say betty is a "think about the big picture, ignore the details" person though, necessarily. maybe compared to simon she is, but she's still a huge fucking nerd. she's an academic! to me she's someone who takes issues and situations that are more subjective and translates them into concretely structured language in order to guide herself through what actions she should take (my friend responded to this with “so what youre saying is betty took a philosophy class and was like ‘aw yes! Math!’” and yeah that is exactly what im saying)

i feel like canon sort of implies this, and definitely doesn't Not Imply It, but i also think canon didn't flesh out her character very well, so in a lot of ways im making my own assertions. but i think she's the type of person who likes to view things in ways that are ....not necessarily less complicated, but more concrete? like she can handle an uber complicated math problem with ease, but the way a math problem is complicated is entirely different from the way a social interaction is complicated, you know. and she's way better equipped for the first one.

so, basically, i think betty would be like: Dosent see the bigger picture.... but in a different way from simon, where instead of getting caught up on and overwhelmed by all the little details, she picks a specific angle to view the situation and then focuses on That, often to the detriment of viewing things from a wider, more complex and nuanced perspective. so better at seeing the bigger picture than simon, but still can miss a Lot…

i also feel like she leans towards viewing things as "identify a problem/issue, then find away to eliminate it" and "identify a goal, and find a way to reach it" . like i feel like she'd tackle social and personal situations in this way. it's not like she can't do things for fun or anything, but like, if she upset simon she'd go into Solving A Problem Mode and be like: “The issue is Simon Is Upset. The goal is Make Simon Not Upset. First i have to identify Why simon is Upset, and then how to make him Not Upset. This is The Current Goal I Must Complete.” like, not in an abstract sense. like shes literally narrating that to herself. i think she likes to focus in on  "what's wrong here and how do i fix it" as opposed to dwelling on emotions and exploring nuance. (which may be a contributor to how she ended up in that “there’s so little me left anymore” state by temple of mars: she was so focused on Fixing the Problem that she didn’t allow herself to really process her feelings too deeply and that took a toll on her mental health.)

simon is maybe more aware of nuance, which could be part of why he gets caught up on details because he's like "this CANT be properly categorized into something more straightforward, there's actually a billion TRILLION little details and that is stressful". like simon desperately wishes things could be simplified down more but is usually like "actually no, a million things are happening actually". he's like me he would get upset if asked to rate his pain or feelings on a number scale at the doctor (i can’t do that shit for the life of me. Those things are far too complicated to put on a number scale in my eyes). meanwhile betty just will force things into concrete categories and steps and factors that Make Sense To Her with intense fervor and if she starts to have a "this is too complicated to address" moment she feels threatened and then tries very hard to reprocess things in a way that is easier, or just does her best to ignore the things that make stuff too complicated to address

i think betty tends to view things in medium-sized chunks that incorporate some but Not All details in a situation, and that she cares about small details and being thorough but feels like accomplishing the goal is the most important thing, so is willing and able to make a quick decision if she feels it's the only choice. like. she had a limited time before the portal closed, and she chose to jump through it, because she thought "the problem is that im not with simon. simon is on the other side of the portal. ill go there" it's not that she doesn't like to think things through. she loves to think things through! its just that OVERALL she is a Doer who wants to solve the problem and thinks taking action and doing something is way better than sitting there and missing an opportunity. betty will think through the details if she has time, but if she doesnt, she just breaks things down into whatever is most easy to digest and process, and then takes the option that seems.like it will get the most desired outcome based on the available info. and also shes just very confident and headstrong. and THATS.  why she punched bella noche

In my eyes betty likes having rules and defined, structured processes about what to do or how to deal with stuff. and she dosen’t really like changing those. she's very autistic. she hates change i think. so does simon. but i think that simon would be more likely to be like: the change in situation is so upsetting that it's making it harder to think and process things, so he just gets overwhelmed and has an even harder time addressing whatever is happening or comprehending it. meanwhile betty is quick to try and find the easiest way to rerout her thinking to fit the new change, she's just really fucking pissed off and stressed out about it (part of this to me is she hates feeling powerless & hates feeling like she might fail). she copes with changes in her surroundings by finding a way to connect the changed situation as well and as fast as possible with her pre existing methods of tackling situations. i think bettys also worse at handling changes in people than changes in situation. to quote my friend when we where texting about this “Situations dont have feelings”.

Like. Betty has so many skills. so much knowledge. but isn’t great with people. And she gets to know people and figures out how to understand them and then THEY CHANGE??? ILLEGAL. and so… like…this is literally her whole thing with simon!! elements seems to imply that betty originally views things as "simon is cursed, i have to fix the curse". but when she makes an attempt to meet simon where he’s at and try to interact with him as ice king, she is unable to handle it. she is upset that he is different, so much so that she concludes the only way to view things is to see them as separate people, even though it was implied that she wasn't doing that before! she was approaching it like he was Simon With Memory Loss…..but then she does her villain betrayal scene and now she's all "things will be back to just me and simon, and you won't exist" . meaning before she directly started interacting with him, she was able to view him as simon, but when she did interact with him for an extended period of time and found out how different he had become, she felt so threatened by this that the only way she could handle it was by switching her view in order to not have to confront the idea that simon could have changed that much. it also meant switching her view to a place where she would be okay hurting simon. but when he starts to protest, get upset, ask what's wrong, and worst of all, insist that he's worthy of respect, that starts to stress her out and she has to talk out loud to herself to reassure herself that she's doing the right thing

and in that scene simon goes "i don't know who this simon guy is, im ice king", which i think is a Big line - he's responded to simon in the past, but doesnt always. Like. he's inconsistent in whether or not he's aware that's a way of referring to him, which makes sense bc he seems to have memory lapses where he remembers things fine one minute and forgets them the next, them remembers about them way later. anyway having him say that simultaneously provides a Confirmation of bettys new perspective, but it also… isn’t meant to. i feel like, to the audience, its saying that "simon has changed so much, he's entirely different now. and this is the way things are, and betty should accept this, but she cant" . to betty its telling her she’s right, but that kind of sucks, because she’s not totally sure how much she wants to be right (she dosen’t want this to be simon, but she also dosen’t want simon to be gone)

(i think the idea of betty Swapping her perspective abt simon during elements as a coping strategy to deal w the panic of What If Simon Is Different + the moral dilemma of potentially hurting him fits nicely into the "betty has bpd" interpretation . my girl is splitting)

(also ik many people interpret simon and ice king as Literally being entirely different people but tbh i think that is way less interesting and doesn't make a lot of sense with the canon. but also ik this is partially because what people consider to be "different people" is subjective.  like it depends somewhat on ur perception of identity and stuff. also having different interpretations is valid and fair and all that - and adventure time is often very loose in its text and there’s lots of ways to interpret it. but whatever man im just saying my feelings and That is and Always Will Be the Same guy to me and i think that perspective is waay more interesting to explore than simon getting possessed by an alternate personality or whatever. so im just going under that interpretation….. i think some ppl would perceive the "im ice king" line as being a conformation of them as separate people but to me it's a more abstract representation of the idea that a Drastic Change has taken place that Cannot be reversed!!.... which. Ok eventually it is but tbh i doubt they even knew how they'd end the show by this point and i still think in the context of elements it still works very well as a way driving home both how betty is Not Handling the Situation Well while also making you empathize with her bc u also know how hard that must have been for her to hear)

i think betty is very person-oriented in a unique way!!she's codependent while also being low empathy, introverted, and in many ways socially inept,  which is an interesting combo! i really get the vibe that she has always struggled socially and had trouble fitting in, so attaches really heavily to people who she does feel a connection to, and works really, really hard to maintain the relationships she has. i like to think she’s scared of rejection…

i think simon is much more empathetic, emotion-driven, and in tune with others than betty, but i also think he can be Very bad at actually understanding other people on many levels - like with his obliviousness to betty being interested in him romantically until she spelled it out for him, or to the impact of bettys earlier sacrifices. simon also, with the mission to get the crown in f&c, despite his empathetic nature and love for his friends, does not seem to consider that putting the crown on would upset his friends. This shows a "focusing on one thing and missing something else" scenario, and perhaps more of a "thinking abt the big picture" (saving f&c's world) over the details (friends would be sad) thing. so that's interesting. (although i think part of this example in particular stems from his self hatred preventing him from really thinking that his friends would be upset if he did that. but in a sense it is focusing on big picture over details). So theres some nuance there i think

BUT Anyway, i think this issue probably is mainly with him struggling to read people, or fully understand others perspectives, despite caring deeply about people and feeling Upset when he can tell other people are Upset. he cares and he feels very emotionally connected to people, especially people he cares about…. he just isn't that great at picking up on things sometimes. (also. Worth noting, i think its def shown that while simon may be very caring towards his friends and is a generally nice and approachable, well meaning person who wants whats best for other people. He still is very capable of Hating People and Doing Bad Things On Purpose. Don’t want to ignore that. also hes very desensitized to bad things happening in many respects lmao. So its not like hes just always super nice and caring and amazing. He still murdered choose goose to death and That is via the power of choose goose being annoying and Simon Loving Betty)

Betty also struggles to understand other people but instead of being downright oblivious to certain things or being unsure and nervous she finds relating to people and understanding their actions and emotions to be actively difficult and makes an active effort to understand people in a bit of a scientist-looking-at-a-subject way. Which can be helpful sometimes and less helpful other times. like. it's good that she has a way to navigate social interactions . but also that way of addressing things isn't always conductive to a healthy relationship, especially when she doesn't really let simon in on the fact that she's making these sort of analyses where she's like "what will maximize Simon Being Happy and how do i accomplish this" sometimes to her own detriment.  simon is just like "wow betty is so confident and good at knowing what she wants" meanwhile betty is like "i will make the best choice For Simon" betty i think is better than simon at reading people but not good at Empathizing With Others Emotions or really Understanding or relating to the emotions behind their actions .

she also is shown to, despite caring So much about simon, not be very considerate or caring towards others (not the same as being low empathy & etc dw im not equating them. Its just on the topic of How She Views Others!!!). To be fair, we don’t see nearly enough of her interacting with people besides simon, but i like to think that she just sorta struggles to really care about and have compassion for Random People but deeply cares about those she is Really close too (but as far as we know, thats just simon)

OVERALLi think they see the world very similarly in some ways and very differently in others and it's an interesting balance. also they are both Autistic. In cconclusion !!

betty

likes to break things down into concrete concepts because she struggles to comprehend more subjective and nuanced experiences, especially in social situations + Feels more comfortable approaching things from a “scientific” perspective because it is familiar and easy for her to navigate; threatened by uncertainty and comforted by things that are more straightforward and well-defined

doesn't dwell on things a ton (esp not as much as simon) because she's very goal-oriented and focused on the Now. she wants to get to the next step. that often then means ignoring Her Own Feelings Or Needs if she deems Other Things to be more relevant or important than them (not good for your mental health) + this also means she’s better at making quick decisions! she cares about details and prefers to have All The Relevant Info but is willing and able to cut things down to a “wider-picture” that helps her make whatever choices will help her achieve her goal - that wider picture just may not always be the Full Actual wider picture.

struggles to put herself in other people's shoes - finds it easier to view herself as an outside party with the goal of achieving the ideal outcome in a social situation. In general has low empathy and struggles to understand/relate to others feelings, which impacts her perspective on things and how she handles/views situations.

(not really mentioned earlier but idk where else to put it:) i also think she has that Autism Trait where you focus in on a specific goal you want to achieve and struggle to focus on anything else until it's accomplished (and that that sort of thinking pattern happened with curing simons curse). where you put off doing anything, even things you could do, until something that you Need to happen (according to your brain, not the real world) happens.  Betty put off being person until simon was saved. she put Everything on hold until she accomplished her mission. and this is in a way a form of not seeing the bigger picture, because its overly focusing on a specific thing at the expense of others

(bettys better at balancing seeing the details & the big picture in a sense, but more like. she picks a medium sized chunk of what is going on and focuses on that and acknowledges details when able to but is willing and able to make split second decisions based on little info and is confident in doing so. but whereas i think simon might have more of a "sees the whole big picture but then gets caught up on the details" thing going on, i think betty just straight up focuses on One Portion of something, of varying sizes, which could or could not he considered a "detail", but then almost completely ignores everything else, viewing things as individual challenges or events that need to be addressed before anything else can be)

simon 

is someone who really likes to think things through, and can easily get hung up on details and can easily get overwhelmed by those details and sent into a state of anxiety-fueled-spiraling or decision making paralysis

this is worse probably for Current simon because he’s also Trying To DIstance Himself from his identity as ice king, and as ice king he had no impulse control and thought things through very little. so simon likely puts even more pressure on himself to think things through! unfortunately hes also Going Through A Lot Emotionally and sometimes that’s too much and he Dosen’t think things through and just acts on how he’s feeling. And that makes him feel Worse about himself and just Everything in general

he is more confident with his decision making skills if he feels more prepared/knowledgeable on the subject at hand or is taking on a caretaker role (like with marcy, or f&c). but currently he dosen’t have a lot of that going on so that kinda sucks for his self confidence. 

simon is better at empathizing with people than betty & at creating connections with others & is more caring towards people he dosen’t know that well - and so may consider Other People more in his perspectives on things. But on the other hand hes not always the best at reading people or understanding their perspectives, even if he feels emotional connections and cares about people, so he can easily overlook other people’s struggles or perspectives within an issue - even if he cares deeply about their wellbeing (very relevant to his relationship with betty)

he’s generally more emotion driven than betty, and dwells on & ruminates about his feelings, sometimes to the point of obscuring his understanding of a situation or his ability to engage with it. On The Other Hand this means he at least acknowledges how he’s feeling meanwhile betty is like “im classifying that as irrelevant information until further notice” lmao. 

he’s better at understanding nuance & subjectivity than betty but this contributes to his habit of getting-overwhelmed by everything & Overthinking

(simon focuses on details over the big picture overall. he easily gets caught up in details and panics. he traps himself in cycles of worrying about details that can paralyze him when making decisions, and so prefers to not have to make choices. BUT simons "paralyzed with fear of making decisions" state can often be overturned by the power of Having Strong Emotions and his decisions may be Less Good because of the power of not being great and understanding other people. he's very emotion-driven and currently suffering from a billion mental health issues so sometimes all that gets in the way of his natural over-thinking. hes got a better understanding of nuance than betty & is better at Empathizing with others and more considerate but not all too great at reading them or recognizing others Feelings or Behaviors)

I THINK I REPEATED A LOT IN THIS. AGAIN, KIND OF JUST RAMBLING. HOPEFULLY IT WAS SOMEWHAT COHERENT

[cunninghamchrissie]

a less pg expansion of this post.

after lunch, eddie walks chrissy to her locker only for them to find someone’s written “fat slut” on it in huge red letters, impossible to ignore.

he feels her hand go clammy and cold before it falls from his grip, and his anger barely has time to rear its head because when he turns to her, chrissy’s gone white.

shit.

the hallway’s filling up, and chrissy starts gasping like she can’t seem to get enough air into her lungs.

eddie immediately goes into caretaker mode, snaking his arm around her waist to hold her up and guiding out into the parking lot and to his van, her feet barely touching the ground the whole time.

he almost misses the snickering of a couple of jocks that have been staring daggers at them from a corner the whole time, all flocked around carver, who at least has the decency to look worried about chrissy for a second before one of his buddies yells “bye, slut!” and his face breaks into a grin.

“you’re okay,” eddie’s saying into chrissy’s hair, half trying to convince himself of it too, half reminding himself that his priority right now is chrissy, and not kicking those fuckers’ teeth in.

chrissy has one hand clutching her chest as if she wants to tear it open trying to get air in, and eddie barely manages to get her into the back of the van before she completely breaks down, hot tears stinging her eyes and smudging her pretty eyeshadow.

the panic attack lasts for the longest ten minutes of both of their lives, and eddie makes them skip the rest of the day and drives them back to the trailer, even canceling hellfire for the week.

when dustin and mike pass by chrissy’s locker on their way out, they understand why.

there’s a party happening later tonight that eddie was going to sell at, and he leaves chrissy sleeping in his bed once he finally manages to calm her down to make his way there.

this shouldn’t be long.

it takes him all of three strides to walk into the opulent house bursting with rich kids and their watered down beers and get through to the patio, where he grabs jason by the shoulder, spinning him around and connecting his fist with his nose before anyone even registers what’s happening.

jason stumbles to the ground clutching his now bloody face, and when his vision clears and he’s finally able to look up at the commotion, eddie’s already elbowed another jock in the teeth, and is holding a broken bottle to the throat of the asshole who yelled at chrissy earlier.

“why don’t you say that shit to my face now, huh?”

one of the reasons eddie’s a great DM is his ability to modulate his voice effortlessly to convey whatever mood he wants for a specific scene, but his low, menacing tone right now is coming completely unwittingly. it makes the jock’s knees buckle underneath him.

“you bother chrissy again, i will fucking kill you, make no mistake.”

and he punches the jock’s face with his left hand to ensure his bulky rings will do their worst.

eddie’s still keyed up afterwards, so he sneaks back into the school (though he wonders if it’s still sneaking if he has the key for when hellfire runs later than usual thanks to the janitor who wants a discount on his weed) to do something about chrissy’s locker, but he’s too late.

walking down the hallway, he recognizes the hushed voices of dustin and mike bickering, and the sounds of hard-bristled brushes and water splashing in a bucket.

by the time eddie walks up to the locker, it’s already been scrubbed clean.

“the hell are you two doing here?”

dustin’s uncharacteristically quiet for a moment, giving mike a chance to speak up first.

“what they wrote was fucked up. it didn’t feel right just leaving it up there.”

he and eddie look at each other in silent understanding. they both love girls whom the world treats unfairly.

“i asked suzie to make sure those fuckers have a permanent seat in summer school,” dustin pipes in, wiping his water-pruned fingers on his t-shirt.

eddie swallows hard.

“come on. i’ll drive you losers home,” he says through the sudden lump in his throat.

they take care of their own.