#try to get a job eventually
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#was looking for some fics with these two#I imagine this is one of their first interactions and Hunter is already fed up with Darius#but Darius is just trying to get to know the successor of his mentor and check if he's at least a little bit capable of doing his job#he's also a little weirded out by the similarity between these two#basically I imagine Darius gave him a couple of vibe checks that Hunter had failed#and Hunter takes it as questoning his place in the coven#god darius design is so pink and awful#it's so jover uni starts tommorow#it's like the most boring drawing ever but I'm just still in my I have to get better at backgrounds era#and also if I'll draw 100 awful things I get a decent one eventually#it's like inktober but lasts your whole life and devours your soul in the process#no caption just pure tags now I understand those few people who keep reblogging all my tags cuz I give all the fucking context there#there's probably like 10 things I would spot tommorow that would fix the drawing a whole bunch but I just ...don't want to ig#the owl house#sheerak#the golden guard#darius deamonne#hunter toh#toh hunter#hunter deamonne#toh fanart#the owl house fanart#dadrius#not yet but#you guys most fellow toh fanartists moved on and fanart fiona and cake but I keep brainrotting the same stuff over and over#good old toh trashpile
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ZHANMADAO IS THE ONLY SPIRITUAL WEAPON WITHOUT A NAME IN TGCF AND I ALWAYS WONDERED WHY MU QING DECIDED TO KEEP IT LIKE THAT.
Like, the cultivation and training meant a lot to him, he always tried to act properly regardless of his status AND YET HE DIDN'T GIVE HIS SABER A NAME??? naming a weapon is a big thing for a cultivator, the sword have spirits, yet he keeps calling it by its type???
NEED YOUR THOUGHT ON THAT
#i personally think it subtly demonstrates that mu qing felt like an imposter even after all of his great achievements#he got it and was staring at it for hours trying to come up with a suitable name but each and every one felt ridiculous#yeah sure some “ray if justice” in a sweeper's hands#sounds completely legit not stupid at all#eventually he just left it the way it is and grew comfortable with the fact that the name illustrates nothing but the type of the weapon#and that there are thousands of other zhanmadaos around#just like thousands of sweepers#and they all just do their jobs#xie lian learns about it and says that he finds it poetic because the blade gets to be whatever mu qing wants him to be without any label#mu qing#tgcf#tgcf mu qing#'i cant wield a blade of justice or some shit my father was literally beheaded by the crown“#mxtx tgcf#tgcf headcanon
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genuinely so amazing how sy's mind works....... he can make anything at all make sense to him but he Will do so in the most convoluted way possible....... opposite of Occam's Razor..... Shen Yuan's Harisen.......
#im pretty sure i or myself has said smth along rhesw linws before#but im always preoccupied with trying to find the best name for Shen Yuan's Instrument of Concoluted Deduction#i initially thought of a blunt instrument but concluded that while messier vlunt weaponry stills gets a job done fast#no...... it needed to be something useless........ something you could hit someone with but do no real damage....#i got really wxcited when i thought of harisens i think its perfect#giant paper fan which only real purpose is to whack ppl over the head in comical fashion#like yeab it could probably get. something. done eventually but its gonna be silly and stupid and take fucking forever
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I am allergic to the word "success". I have been ever since middle school, when it was plastered all over the planners the school gave us.
Screw success. Try for contentment.
#success#life#advice#istg success is short for be a good little capitalist minion#school wants you to succeed because if you get higher scores they get more funding#jobs want you to succeed because the faster and better you work the better for their bottom line#the word success has become code for buying into the lie that the most important things in life are money and your job#that everybody should care about business first and foremost#that winning is more important than trying#and trying is only good if it eventually leads to winning#fuck that#the purpose of life it's not success#the point of life is to live it.
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I want to write some stuff for this but am actively nodding off so y'all just get an info dump before I forget it instead. (My baby loftwing being all fluffed and happy on my chest is not helping me focus lol)
Anyway! Miphlink baby!
I think it would be pretty neat if he was hard of hearing. The mix of Hylian/Zora genes mostly goes fine, but that's the one thing that just gets him. Part of it is because Zora and Hylian ears are different - Zora ears are small openings hidden under the side fins on their heads, and we all know about Hylian ears. Zora rely on different hearing sensors when underwater, hollowed out structures in their heads that allow, essentially, for echolocation. Miphlink baby is born with Hylian ears tucked behind thinner side fins, no structures for echolocation, and not the best hearing. So Link and Mipha have to sign with him most of the time, though he does hear a little better underwater since sound travels better underwater.
While Mipha's color scheme for her scales is like crystla red and creamy white, baby's color scheme is a lighter shade of red paired with Link's skin tone. He doesn't have claws, either, but he does have sharp incisors. He's got his dad's blue eyes.
As for size, when he's full grown he'll stand around the height of an adult Hylian man, so he'll be taller than his dad but short by Zora standards (I figure Mipha seems pretty short for her people's standards too - she is a teenager, of course, but like... she's shorter than Link. Girl is tiny). He's got the structural fins like any Zora, but his body proportions are those of a Hylian (longer legs, shorter torso, whereas Zora are shorter legs and longer torso).
He grows at a rate similar to Hylians - Zora age twice as slow as Hylians until they hit adulthood, and then they just... are adults for a million years. But Miphlink baby grows roughly at the rate of a Hylian, maybe a little slower, and the rest of the Domain is just floored at how fast this kid is hitting his growth milestones.
He definitely has that cute "head tail is too big for his body" thing going on that Sidon had <3
#miphlink#I love seeing people's takes on a miphlink baby#I am still cackling at the idea of Link being a Tired Dad working Too Many Jobs#with Mipha being a Mom Who Overstretches Herself Too Much#so both their parents and friends have to step in to save them from self destructing#meanwhile Zelda is a Stressed Queen and Link and Mipha are trying to support her too because they're all besties#and it's just a hilarious combination and I adore it#and then totk happens and Link gets to channel his inner Abel and be completely Done with everything#Link: *fighting monsters*#Miphlink Baby: *waving frantically and signing he has to pee*#Link while killing a horde of beasts: NOT NOW--#Miphlink baby doing the pee dance: But I gotta goooooo#guys I gotta make this like some silly little series or something good grief XD#mipha#age of calamity link#aoc link#age of calamity#with eventual totk lol#legend of zelda
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it went fine yesterday btw :}
#Robin processes emotions on main#sometimes I freak out like a chihuahua and then actually have a good time. these things are typical in the life of ur local robin#we talked about our lives instead of our Interests and it was fine ! I think I did good. we commiserated about the post-college woes#I got re-reminded how rough my life is right now and cried a little but like in a good way. and I'll make it. we'll both make it#today I made a bucket list of churches to try (By Myself) and places to visit around town#(clutching my head staggering upright) did you guys know th.that childhood parentification can majorly mess you up#man do I need therapy. like. soon I think#also a steady job and my own apartment but let's not get ahead of ourselves. haha. sorry let me rephrase:#I'm GOING to get a job and move out eventually and it will be GOOD. and in the meantime I will make living here good too dangit#anyway so yeah I just forgot that this particular friend is good for Processing Life with instead of Enjoying Stories with#that was my issue last time.#although last time wasn't a Failure on my part. I was just exhausted and I Couldn't process life last time. no energy for that#I didn't feel safe enough to do that so all I had to fall back on was my interests and it just didn't click. such things happen#anyway I'm logging back out now but thank you everyone for the encouragement :') it really helped and I'm gonna keep on truckin'
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Rob cuck evidence when?
Side project I will get around to if we ever have a slow week.. or send this ask to @macdenlover and see what happens
#eventually i will compile#certain things of this nature#probs not on this blog but it will be done when i have the time#im just insanely busy this time of year#with my real job and personal/non sunny tv stuff#then all this shit with sunny. it is overwhelming#rn im trying to comb through all the abbott articles when i have time#jfc.. there are so many#boy am i glad sunny press consists of like 4 videos and a few posts from RCGKD#and getting any other content is just... mining the internet backrooms for podcast interviews
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sometimes ur sad so u gotta draw kon & krypto while watching yugiohs battle city arc
#i wanna make morr keychains#but i have keychains i need 2 sell aka the gummies#but im in sm doubt about them i stare @ them w/nothing but h8 rn fkfjos#like i just dont think theyre worth ppls money but the urge 2 create compells me#kaiba & mokuba r gonna make me cry i finished the yk kidnapping part & JUST AAUHGHG JOW HES HELPING HIS BROTHER GO AROUND & DO A JOB THAT HE#WNATS 2 DO BUT ALSO PROTECTING HIM BUT WHILE MOKUBA IS TRYING 2 HELP KAIBA BUT ITS LIKE HE DOESNT NEED 2 BC KAIBA IS USUALLY THR 1 ENFORCING#BUT ITS SO#I CANT WORD THINGSSSSS#if i distract myself w/silliness i will eventually get better just u watch#instead of listing away i will now b thinking aboit cards & dogs#still in the shadow realm((my mental health has decided 2 increase & try 2 murder me))
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feral giyuu beloved
hes gonna fucking kill Shinazugawa
so Sanemi pulls his stab-the-baby bullshit which terrifies Tanjiro, thinking he'd try to open the box next to burn her in the sun. as soon as Giyuu registers his distress all the tension he'd be holding in snaps violently- he lurches forward out of the lineup and lunges at Sanemi with the ferocity of an actual demon. Sabito and everyone else are stunned in place as Giyuu punches him hard enough to send him to the gravel, snatches Nezuko's box from him and leaps back pulling Tanjiro behind him. He stands there posed protectively in front of them, every muscle tensed ready to move as he stares Sanemi down snarling as loud as thunder. Obanai Mitsuri and Tengen are cringing back- Obanai because hes closest aside from Sanemi and can smell the intense sea-salt & pine through his mask, Mitsuri because shes an Omega Prime and the warning growl/threat scent affects her more, and Tengen because the sharp ring of loathing in the growl hurts his head. Sabito's still in the lineup baring his fangs, struggling to keep calm and not make the situation any worse for his partner despite the anxiety of the situation.
"Don't fucking touch them." "I didn't even touch your stupid brat!" "YOU STABBED HER!"
Everyone startles at the implication of that- Sanemi growls and starts berating him for imprinting on a demon, stomping closer, calling him a traitor for attacking him. Giyuu leans forward ready to rip out his throat at a moments notice, not lunging solely because Tanjiro's holding onto the back of his haori pleading for them not to fight. Sabito finally snarls and stands up- Kyojuro Mitsuri & Tengen follow, fully expecting to have to intervene when the three of them start tearing each other to shreds, "SIT!. ALL OF YOU!." He snaps, harshly grabbing Sanemi by the shoulder and shoving him down. Sanemi starts to protest but Sabito leans over him threateningly and grabs his throat, "You stay fucking put. You're already 5 feet down and i suggest you stop digging any further." Sanemi stares back at him, gripping the arm holding his neck, but doesn't do or say anything else, the others hesitantly settle back down. He lets go and straightens up, looking back at the other hashira, "We're going to sit here and wait for Oyakata-sama like civilized people," a pointed look at Sanemi, "Are we agreed upon?." When everyone murmurs in agreement he nods to Giyuu and kneels next to Sanemi, barricading him and the other hashira from Giyuu Tanjiro and Nezuko.
Giyuu finally stops growling and posturing, hesitating for a moment before turning and fretting over the two of them for a bit- they finally sit down when he calms. When Kagaya arrives hes immediately hit with the tension and thick fear-anger-stress scent filling the courtyard and asks what happened. Sanemi opens his mouth- Sabito slaps a hand under his chin and closes it again. Shinobu and Kyojuro pipe up, explaining that they were questioning the boy when Shinazugawa went ahead and stabbed the demon in the box, how Urokodaki stepped up and ...convinced everyone to sit back down. He finally brings out Sakonji's letter and asks everyone else to allow it like he did. Sanemi of course objects and asks to prove the demon's real nature. Giyuu immediately snaps at him to shut the fuck up- he's already done enough stabbing his fucking cub. Kagaya recognizes the gravity of the situation and offers Giyuu to come inside so he can check on her (and maybe possibly also show everyone else shes not so bad-). Giyuu quickly takes up the offer and pulls Tanjiro over with him in the far corner- Sabito follows them to the edge of the engawa and stands guard there between them and the other hashira.
Giyuu sits down in front of her box and gently opens it, little Nezuko crawling out and looking around for a moment. She sees the blood on Tanjiro's face and tries to wipe it off with her sleeve, Giyuu makes pointed eye contact with Sanemi and carefully cleans Tanjiro's face off. Nezuko patiently sits in his lap until he pats her head and inspects the damage to her clothes. The other hashira are talking, arguing maybe- he doesn't care enough to tell. "Shinazugawa, you owe me 5 yen." "The fuck do i owe you for jackass!?" "Thread, for the fucking HOLE you put through her-" "Ah!- Giyuu-san its fine!-"
Eventually its decided they'll let her live for now, "I also offer to take them in to the Butterfly Mansion, if that's okay with Tomioka-san." Giyuu notices the peace-offering look she gives him when she says that. "...I'll allow it.." Tanjiro herds Nezuko back into her box and Giyuu growls at the kakushi who try to pick up Nezuko's box. He puts the box on himself, Tanjiro tries to assure them he can walk on his own and immediately buckles when he puts pressure on his injured leg. Giyuu picks him up and carries the both of them out and to the butterfly mansion while Sabito stays for the rest of the meeting
#loserboy giyuu posting#neros art tag#abo sabigiyu surprise adoption au#giyuu dipped as soon as he could he did NOT want to stay around that mess any longer than he had to lmao#hes never been so junked up on adrenaline before- he dropped the two of them off in Aoi's care and went to run off the rest of it with a#few laps between the estate and the nearby village. grabbed some more thread while he was there#oh yeah i didnt talk about the mt natagumo scene w rui & shinobu#he was super panicky about possibly losing them to a lower moon so soon- he got there in time though and had that whole convo w tanjiro#abt not hesitating to slay demons- he was swayed by tanjiro and grabbed rui's clothes after he ran from shinobu. had em stuffed in his#sleeve the whole time- probably asked the btfy trio to wash it for him and gave it to tanjiro#tanjiro told him about the little family lower 5 was trying to make with the other demons- how he must've been trying to replace the family#he lost and going about it the wrong way given how happy the spider mother was to die. he smelled so profoundly *sad* when he was dying#giyuu gets why hes so sympathetic to demons like that. he doesnt really feel the same but he understands. hes just happy tanjiro found a#balance between his kind nature and his job as a slayer- he doesnt have to sacrifice his kindness and he doesnt have to sacrifice his *life#sabito eventually arrives w shinobu & fills giyuu in on the meeting stuff- they also talk about that little bit about 'his cub'#'what about it? they're ours now.' 'giyuu you cant just adopt-' 'i dont wanna hear that from you *urokodaki*' 'touche. they're ours now'#giyuu#tomioka giyuu#giyuu tomioka#sabito#kny sabito#sabito lives au#sabigiyuu#kamado tanjiro#kamado nezuko#originally it was supposed to just be a redraw but my obsession w sharp teeth won out#giyuu beloved#next im gonna try to draw somethin w giyuu original design#that fuckboy w the slutty gloves
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I really like michael because every further progression I make of his character it just makes him a worse and worse person. like oh wow. he is awful. and he knows it
#vile coke#oc; michael düwall#trying his best but man he is just awful I fear#just a little vampire#but his friend(s) luv him very much#in the context of my little offshoot au doing w my friend's oc :#michaels self hatred vs big dogs unconditional love#this offshoot is all I'm thinking about these days cuz doing stuff w friends is fun af lmao#any post with big dog (his tag is ogilvie emerson cuz that's his actual name)#is the offshoot#I suppose I'll get more detailed about this au eventually#yah anyway#stuff with big dog is when it starts getting messy#it's fun#great job guys#ok sorry byebye
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Erin, to her crush: You're a dick
Mason, the crush: I won't argue! But to clarify -
#my characters#its so sad that all of erins character development and kindness is on paper and nothing digital to show her growth#she picks on mason for many reasons and she kinda narrows her eyes at him but its more to squint than to glare#because she watches him from a distance when hes off laughing with others#though they are united on peter being worse than mason at least they can agree no matter what peter is worse#but also masons right arm is metal and she thinks its fascinating bc theres so many high tech prosthetics#why is he using the equivalent of a trash can ? is it some weird flex to not needing advanced stuff?#and its just he was from a poor family and was born with one full arm and then a stump#and he lived a lot of his youth with just one arm so once he got a second arm (installed basically) he went cheap#since he only wanted the other arm to get better jobs cause not many people would hire him with one arm#and he never really cared much about her comments because her lil verbal pokes of#so rogers whod you piss off? the mafia? is actually nicer than stuff he heard as a kid without the fake arm#so he tells her the only reason he has a metal limb is because god knew hed be two strong if born with two arms#and shes like uh huh sure thing rogers#and yeeeeah eventually something happens where mason is injured and erin is panicking#and hes acting like its okay to die because hes a dick remember TRYING to make light of it and she gets so sad#and after hes recovering and better he feels guilty making her so sad and hes talking to her#and she says that she doesnt have a lot of friends and she didnt want to lose one of the few people she liked#and hes just oh.......................... ididntthinkthatwouldbeme#so he starts to be super friendly to her and enforcing the crush that she doesnt wanna own up to#and then she does eventually confess and mason is baffled as to since when and shes like day one? and he just#erin you have got to be kidding me you were glaring at me for months#and shes just i have bad eye sight and im shy what did you expect#he isnt super smart or super stupid hes just exceedingly average
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Been going back through Ace Attorney lately while I crochet and
#ace attorney#ace attorney investigations 2#miles edgeworth#i wasn't expecting that bit with sebastian in the last case to get me the way it did but!#maybe i'm having a lot of feelings about quitting my job and dropping out of school for a career i thought i wanted#but isn't feasible for how i want my life to go#eventually something i try won't feel like i'm trying to distract myself from how i'm really feeling by overworking myself... right?
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Me when I have to write character dialogue and general fun stuff:
Also me, but when I have to write exposition, instead:
#writing#vent post?#vent post#this is what i get for having the differences in spaceship layouts be vaguely important later on i guess#also job titles. ...yaaaaaaay#i'll finish this chapter of breach eventually...#(trying So Hard to finish it by the end of the month lmao)
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thanks for the support regarding the whole patreon debacle, yall!!! looks like I might have a couple options, even if something like onlyfans is off the table for the kinkier shit 😭
if i can get the patreon back up and running this week, i'm gonna run a poll regarding what to do for formerly paid content before i do or post anything else 'cause they're the folks who paid for it.
#moonlight.pdf#no id#asks#anonymous#if the eventual decision is not to remonetize the old stuff then ao3 is likely to be the next move#but if smashwords or subscribestar are okay with getting freakayyyyyy then i might try those next#sigh. sorry for the inactivity everyone. it's the usual excuses. blah blah blah day job the grind of capitalism etc etc#i'm moving soon too and my laptop is acting up after almost a decade so i got more on my plate :(#but i will live. it is survivable.
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When Al Haitham dreams, it's in shades of sandy blonde and red, metallic gold and feather-blue. His nightmares are colored much the same.
Kaveh leisurely strolls ahead of him, shoes leaving deep treads in the soft desert sand. He keeps a careful distance, arms length, and in return Al Haitham keeps an eye on him, the other man's back dead center in his sights.
He curses the sand in his boots and the long line of footprints he steps into, already the exact shape of the soles of his shoes.
They aren't lost. Al Haitham knows where they are. They've been here before. They are still here.
Kaveh doesn't watch their feet. His head is constantly tipped back with his eyes on the stars and their constellations (of which Al Haitham only knows two, Vultur Volans and Paradisaea). He'll walk right into a cactus like that. Al Haitham yells ahead for him to watch where he's going.
Kaveh reaches up to touch the side of his head in a strange motion, but otherwise there's no acknowledgement. They press on into the dark of night.
Something squelches beneath Al Haitham's boot.
It stops him short, pulls his attention like a magnet and as much as he wants to, he can't ignore it. He doesn't want to lose any more ground. But something won't let him move on. Al Haitham watches as red seeps into the golden sand, spills beyond the border of his bootprint until he slides his foot aside.
It's an ear.
It's a human ear, and there's a heavy earring attached, metallic gold, gems red and green, a familiar shape, a familiar shade-
Al Haitham opens his mouth to yell. Chokes. Swallows the lump in his throat as he quickly restarts his pace. Tries again.
"Hey!"
Another squelch under a hurried footstep. He doesn't stop to look. Al Haitham is pretty sure he knows what it is.
"Kaveh, hey!"
The path becomes littered, little slices and small pieces, fingertips and knuckles, Kaveh's arms once held casually behind his back now strewn along the sands. Every time Al Haitham extends his hand to him, reality warps and bends like the twisted image in a broken mirror, lines mismatched and edges jagged. Kaveh flits just beyond his grasp, fleeting fae, no longer able to hear him or to reach out to him. Al Haitham can only grit his teeth and follow.
His right foot marches forward. His left follows. His right again. His left suddenly doesn't follow, and Al Haitham is thrown off balance and pitches forward, swinging his arms outward to land on his palms and keep his face off the ground, because he's been in the desert enough times to know what a foot suddenly being stuck can mean.
Quicksand.
Al Haitham curses and swears in just about every language he knows as he tries to spread his weight as evenly as possible, stay afloat at the top of it because if he sinks, he knows he'll be done for, and shit, Kaveh.
His neck cranes uncomfortably in his search, Kaveh had only been a few feet in front of him, he can't be sunk much further, and he's in the desert much more often than Al Haitham anyway, he'll be familiar with what to do-
Kaveh stands in front of him, empty sleeves fluttering loose. Still just out of his grasp, still watching the stars. The quicksand is already up to his calves.
"Say, Al Haitham..." It's the first he's spoken this whole time. His voice resonates somewhere deeply nostalgic in Al Haitham's chest, produces a ripple that momentarily stuns his heart.
Kaveh is sinking.
Al Haitham stretches out on his belly as far as he's able, it's quickly up to his knees, Kaveh isn't even trying to redistribute his weight or pull himself out, it's at his thighs, Al Haitham sucks in a breath and yells for him, his hips, yells louder, his waist, Al Haitham's trembling fingertips can almost reach, his chest, Kaveh drops level with him, quicksand about his neck like a noose.
Kaveh's head tips back, back, impossibly far back, until it hangs, angle awkward, and he's looking right past Al Haitham with his tired smile and gouged, blinded sockets full of starlight.
"Do you believe in karma?"
The quicksand swallows him entirely and Al Haitham dives, shoves his arms deep and pushes off with the one foot he'd had left on safe ground, because he can't, he can't, it's not the same without Kaveh, not anymore, he needs him, no one else keeps him sharp, no one else challenges him like Kaveh, if he can just grab him, if he can just pull him back up-
Al Haitham thrashes, against the sands, against gravity, against the hardwood of his bedroom floor. Clumsily scrubs the back of his hand across his face to rub the grit of quicksand and sleep out of his eyes.
Sometimes he thinks he preferred it when the Akasha was still harvesting his dreams.
He pops his head out from under his weighted blanket and lays where he'd fallen out of bed for a moment, blinking blearily against the lamplight shining from his desk in the corner. Deep breaths. His consciousness shifts along the blurred line of nightmare and reality, crosses over the slow transition into wakeful awareness.
He's home, Kaveh is home. It's dark out. The house is dead silent.
He's just going to go check, he tells himself as he peels himself out of his sweat-soaked shirt and roots around for a replacement. He's already losing memories of his nightmare, the details spilling away from him like wet ink, but he knows he needs to see Kaveh. It'll feel better to do something, anything, than try to go straight back to sleep.
He's quiet when he slips out of his bedroom door, because they both keep late hours but their bedrooms are right next to each other, and Al Haitham will never hear the end of it if he wakes his roommate up.
Lights off, door shut. Nothing conclusive. He moves out to the main room.
Kaveh sits on one of those ridiculous sofas he'd ordered three of for some reason, back to him as he tucks a lock of hair behind his ear. A mostly-empty wine bottle stands tall on the table, next to the cobbled-together remains of an architectural model that's been picked and fussed over for four days straight now.
"Kaveh? What are you doing?"
This earns him an exaggerated startle, but Kaveh doesn't turn to look at him, preoccupied with whatever new sketch or blueprint he probably has in his hands. "Ohhh, nothing," he slurs cheerfully. "Just working. Just thinking."
Kaveh has always been the world's chattiest drinker. Al Haitham waits for the rest of it.
"Say, I think...I think I asked you this years ago, back then, but you never answered me." Al Haitham feels all the blood drain from his face in ominous familiarity, drip cold down the length of his spine. Kaveh sinks into the couch until he can tip his head over the back of it, looking up at him with a tired smile and exhausted eyes.
"Do you believe in karma?"
#genshin impact#haikaveh#al haitham#kaveh#kavehtham#these two have had me chewing concrete lately god#3.6 got me frothing at the mouth#something about al haitham trying to save kaveh from himself and his own guilt complex and self-sabotage wheeee my heart#and he's normally so self-assured but he fucked it up spectacularly the first go around- good job baby-#and now it's years later he's trying again but it's something he's barely chipping away at not to mention Kaveh not wanting his help lol#and so some of Al Haitham's nightmare is objective fact and some of it is his own subjective pov#Kaveh loses his arms and ears bc al haitham is frustrated that he won't hear him out or reach out for help#and he keeps his eyes up and eventually blinds himself bc al haitham thinks of him as too idealistic and blind to reality#and kaveh does all this to himself bc when you ask al haitham about his troubles he talks about people who cause trouble for themselves#kaveh pondering the concept of karma in relation to his bad luck and misery and guilt about his father's death in the quicksand *fans self*#al haitham starting to get just a little nervous that maybe he really he can't do anything about this#or that one day it'll be too little late ough. love when I can whump character by whumping the other.#two for one special buy one get one two birds stoned at once type of deal#i have a Vision about them and their stupid dumbass relationship dynamic that I need to yell about later but for now: this#written while listening to A Sadness Runs Through Him by The Hoosiers which hilariously was introduced to me as a pla Emmet song#'but here was a man mourning tomorrow; he tried to finally drown in his sorrow'#'oh he could not break surface tension; he looked in the wrong place for redemption'#'don't look at me with those eyes; I tried to unheave the ties; turn back the tide that drew him in'#'but he couldn't be saved'#'a sadness runs through him'#extremely kaveh and haikaveh song for me ough#my fics#gore#body horror#I mean it's pretty unrealistic but still just in case
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Constant need to throw Hornblower into math academia and discover new flavors of how unwell he can get
#the 19th c royal navy/21st c academia parallels are real#he belongs in math academia and also it would make him completely deranged#like consider. sawyer as toxic advisor trying to ice out his grad students#hornblower not having patronage (not coming from an illustrious enough academic pedigree <- happened to a guy i know)#eventually he gets a good job somewhere because he's ridiculously smart and just had bad luck (unrealistic but like the books)#except he can't be happy about it because he has so many years of built-in impostor syndrome and general rat-race toxicity#the worst thing is that he'd care about this so so much more than he did about his naval career and i think it would break him#perce rambles#hornblower#also i need to send him to my undergrad. he belongs there and also it would be guaranteed to make him worse#school where no one understands the concept of self care and everyone is unbelievably neurodivergent#also all of the pure math people are exactly like him (affectionate/deeply concerned)
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