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arcanadreams · 3 years

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Water Fights with the OM Bros

it’s 90 degrees outside at my place and you know what that means!!! water fight headcanons because I refuse to go outside in the heat in real life asdhgskjdgks

once again i’m only doing the brothers bc i do not trust myself with the dateables just yet lmao

Lucifer:

Literally only agrees to join because you’re so excited about it.

“...If it makes you happy, MC,” are his exact words. Simp.

You did agree to make the game have no points though, to keep things from getting competitive. Both at the advice of Lucifer and because you knew he would not join if there was any chance he could lose. (Also because Satan is a menace but we’ll get to that later.)

When all the brothers are gathered he suggests everyone pairs up into teams.

“You’re only saying that so you can cozy with M-” Asmo tries to say before being sprayed in the face with water.

“My hair!” “Oh, look at that. I suppose the game has started,” Lucifer hides his water gun behind his legs, but he can’t hide the shit eating grin on his face.

He takes your hand with a “Come along, MC,” and leads you away as everyone splits up.

You two make a surprisingly good team for this sort of thing! He knows the gardens well and also knows where each of his brothers is likely to go. You are quite skilled water water guns and balloons. He’s basically the brains and you’re the brawn.

He snatches a few kisses now and then when you look back at him excitedly after smacking one of his brothers with a balloon. You’re just so cute!

When everyone is all tuckered out and goes off to shower and whatever, Lucifer hangs back with you to thank you for organizing everything. With a kiss to the back of your hand, he says, “I’ll admit, I was...skeptical, at first. But, as usual, you brought my brothers together in a way I haven’t seen in a long while. Thank you, MC.”

Mammon:

“I’m MC’s first man, so I get to team with them!” “You’re also literally my boyfriend, but okay hun.” Cue Mammon blushing beet red at the nickname and muttering at you not to call him that in front of his brothers. (He doesn’t mean it; he loves that they know you’re his and vice versa.)

Strategically, the two of you are the absolute worst. But that’s because you’re both just there to have fun!

And have fun you do! You actually get in quite a few fun chases with Levi! He’s probably the most into the water fight out of everyone, the three of you are just running around the gardens pelting each other with balloons. It’s super cute.

Mammon is absolutely the type to yell “I’ll avenge you, MC!” every single time you get sprayed.

Eventually, you and Mammon follow Levi’s advice and start hiding in places to catch some of the other brothers by surprise. Which would be fine if Mammon didn’t blush super hard and start grumbling because of how close together you were when kneeling behind the garden wall.

You roll your eyes and surge forward to kiss him. He’s so shocked he has no idea what to do with his hands at first. But, after a second of pause, his water gun falls to the ground with a clatter and he wraps his arms around you.

“Get a room,” Is all the two of you hear before Belphie dumps a whole ass bucket of water on your heads. Mammon growls and jumps up to get the youngest before Beel can scoop him up, but you grab his hand and stop him.

You’re laughing super hard, and the sun is shining on your hair. You almost look like you have a halo...Mammon gives up the chase before it even starts because his MC is simply ethereal.

“Mammon!” You smile brilliantly at him when you finally stop laughing. “I kissed you to keep you quiet! And then you managed to make even more noise!”

He just hugs you then so you can’t see his blushing face. Stupid lovely human making fun of him. (He likes it, though.)

Leviathan:

This boy is literally the MOST excited when you tell him your idea. He was in on it from the very start.

He actually helped you get all the supplies! He opens his Akuzon account right away and starts showing you what water guns would be best and picking out huge packs of balloons made specifically for being water grenades. (Definitely had looked all this stuff up before in case he found a LARPing buddy.)

You ask him how much Grimm all this stuff will cost and he tells you not to worry. “I’ll cover it!” “But, Levi-” He interrupts you with big blush on his face.

“L-Listen MC. You’re m-my Henry! And I know this will be fun, s-so...I’ll cover it.” You leap forward and give him a hug, triggering a surprised but equally happy screech.

Honestly he is so excited you proposed an idea like that of your own volition. Like...it just makes him feel like all the games and stuff he finds fun truly don’t bother you. You haven’t been lying; you genuinely are interested in the same things as him. It makes him feel so warm.

When everyone is still arriving, you grab one of your water guns and do that cool spinny thing. You know the thing. The cowboy gun spin. You’re like, “Hey Levi! Check this out!”

BAM. Boy is OUT. So red his face is steaming. That’s the hottest thing he has ever seen in his entire damn life. What the fuck, MC. He is basically frozen on the spot out of sheer overwhelmed-ness as how hot that was. You have to drag him away when the water fight starts. Totally worth staying up all night figuring out how to do the spin trick with a water gun.

Once the action gets going, you two are unstoppable. No one escapes the fight unscathed thanks to y’all. All those late night Call of Duty sessions trained you for this!!

Your favorite tactic is definitely camping, though. You and Levi would pick a spot and hide there, waiting for one of his brothers to come by, and then...ATTACK!

If it actually were a competition, you two would’ve won by a landslide. But honestly, Levi didn’t really keep track. He was having too much fun watching you. You were so mesmerizing when you were in the zone and so gorgeous when laughing as you gave him victory high fives after a successful ambush.

You let him take a picture of you posing all tough with your water gun and he makes it his DDD background immediately. And his lockscreen so you can protect his DDD from intruders.

Satan:

THIS ASSHOLE. THIS MAN IS THE REASON YOU MADE SURE THERE WAS NO COMPETITION.

If there was any sense of competition, Satan would’ve gone absolutely out of his mind to beat Lucifer. He would make sure to destroy that man’s dignity as thoroughly as possible.

So, for the sake of both him and the eldest brother, no points. No contest. He grumbles about it, but, much like said eldest brother, he still joins because he sees how happy the idea of a family water fight makes you.

Satan treats is almost as seriously as Levi does. EVEN THOUGH YOU MADE SURE IT WASN’T A COMPETITION, HE DAMN SURE STILL ACTS LIKE IT IS. UGH.

Literally pulls a map of the House of Lamentation’s gardens out of his back pocket??? And puts it on the side of the fountain?? And starts planning maneuvers on it with you??? He pulls a pen out of his SWIM TRUNK POCKETS to use to point with and emphasize his points. You just blink at him. This is your mans. Good lord.

Considering his expert knowledge of the layout of the entire surrounding area of HoL from that map, he actually knows of some secret passages the other brothers don’t even consider. He takes you to them so you can use them to spy on what Lucifer’s the other brothers’ strategies are.

It’s only once you’re creeping around the tunnels that he realizes something: none of his brothers know where you are. They can’t bother you...time to make out.

Grabs your attention with a quiet, “MC” and gives you a smooch. Soon enough he is backing you up against the wall. A water balloon you have tied to your belt pops against the rough brick, interrupting the two of you.

Satan disregards it and move to kiss you again, but you let out a gasp. He’s worried for you for a moment: did you scrape yourself? But when you turn to look at him, there’s a mischievous glint in your eye that he loves to see.

“My water broke!” You whisper-exclaim dramatically, covering your mouth in fake shock. Satan has to nuzzle his face in your neck to avoid laughing and filling the tunnel with the echo that would alert his brothers. The two of you basically just canoodle in the passages until the water fight is over LMAO

Asmodeus:

Pretty much just to show off how good he looks in a bathing suit to you and anyone else who happens to be lucky enough to witness his glory.

He’s not the best at water fights and ends up using you as a human shield sometimes adjgfkjshf

“Asmo! Stop hiding behind me!” “I am not letting Lucifer mess up my hair twice in one day, darling!”

He comments quite often on how hot you look. Both in your bathing suit and also when in the zone looking for victims to douse in watery fury. You look like an action hero, MC! Have you ever thought about becoming the next Bond? Asmo could definitely pull some hypnotic strings.~

Every time you successfully pull him out of the way of an oncoming water balloon or block a blast of water from hitting, he totally melts. He presses his back to your chest, swooning against you and batting his eyelashes.

“Oh, MC, my hero! My dashing knight in shining armor!” You scoff, but think it’s super cute. You even play into it sometimes and pick him up bridal style.

“The king is looking for you, my prince,” you say once as you lift him, and he actually blushes. Asmodeus, avatar of lust, blushes at a silly pet name. He was not expecting you to get so into the role!!! He loves it, though.

For the rest of the water fight the two of you are basically roleplaying a royal and his knight bodyguard. It is stupidly fun and the both of you have an absolute blast.

“Oh, MC, my darling knight! I have amazing news!” Asmo says after the fight ends. You’re drying his hair off with a towel. “Yes, my liege?”

“In exchange for your wonderful and dutiful protection, you have been given permission by the crown to court me! Isn’t that wonderful?” He smiles and you throw your head back in a laugh. You lean down and give him a nice, long kiss on the lips before pulling away. “That is absolutely splendid, your highness.”

Beelzebub:

He loves the idea because it’ll get his whole family together and he knows it. He has to carry Belphie out there but that’s normal.

He helped you and Levi plan!! Excited boy. You filled him in when he joined you and Levi for a game night. He totally volunteered to go get some extra supplies from some nearby stores for y’all. So cute.

Once everyone is actually fighting, this boy WILL NOT STOP BEING A HUMAN (demon?) SHIELD FOR YOU. LIKE NO MATTER HOW MUCH YOU TELL HIM IT’S FINE, YOU’RE FINE, HE WILL NOT STOP.

“Babycakes, it’s okay. It’s water. It can’t hurt me.” “But I love you. I want you safe.” O H. O K A Y.

Someone call a doctor Beel just shot MC through the heart!!! He’s so genuine you just bright red and kiss his cheek because he deserve it.

“Well, I guess that’s settled then, huh?” He gives you a big Beel smile and nods, ruffling your hair affectionately.

Y’all get sprayed with water A LOT because your hungry boy is very big and hard to hide. Er, I should say HE gets sprayed a lot because he is a fantastic meat shield and you’re practically dry by the time the fight is over. He, on the other hand, is soaked to the bone.

He still insists on drying you off with a towel, though. The two of you dry each other off back in the twins’ room while Belphie dozes nearby in his bed.

You’re in the middle of drying his shoulders when he just starts talking. “That was really fun, MC. I’m really grateful for you. Ever since you’ve been here, things are always more fun. And you bring all my brother together. Thank you.”

You damn near burst into tears!!! Ahhhh!!! You sniffle and jump into his nap, wrapping your arms around him. “But MC, I’m still wet.” “I don’t care!! I’m giving you snuggles!!”

Belphegor:

Literally does not give a single fuck about a water fight until he realizes it lets him throw shit at Lucifer with absolutely zero consequences. Then he is all in.

Beel doesn’t even have to carry him around during the fight! Once he is outside and realizes all the shenanigans he can pull, he is perfectly content to grab you by the hand and be the one dragging you around, for once!

You two will probably team up with Satan and Beel at various points. Beel because he’s Beel, and Satan because he and Belphie absolutely set water balloon filled booby traps for Lucifer.

That’s his preferred strategy: set up a trap and wait in the bushes, watching for the target to approach.

He’s definitely the type to yell “Every man for himself!” if someone catches you guys hiding. Unlike his twin, he lets you get totally soaked while he runs away laughing. Dickweed.

You guys have a lot of fun, though!! Seeing Belphie excited is always a treat for you. And, though he doesn’t say anything about it, Belphie also thinks it’s a treat whenever you scheme with him. You don’t join in on his mischief often, so he always cherishes the times you do.

Eventually, after soaking Lucifer thoroughly, Belphie eventually gets a bit tired. You, however, want to keep the fun going. So, just as he begins to dose off in your hiding spot...you spray him. Right in the face.

He opens his eyes and sees you raising an eyebrow at him challengingly, giggling to yourself. He growls playfully and grabs his own water gun, quickly giving chase as you bolt.

Being a demon, he’s much quicker than you. But he lets you think you can escape for a few minutes before catching up to you and wrapping his arms around you from behind.

As you squirm and laugh in his embrace, he feels thankful he joined in on the fight, even if he was hesitant at first. After all, it led to this moment, where he can turn you around in his arms and give you a nice kiss as you melt against his chest.

#ta da!! another idea i've had for the longest time #posts #my writing #obey me #obey me headcanons #obey me x reader #lucifer #mammon #leviathan #satan #asmodeus #beelzebub #belphegor

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remmushound · 4 years

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2012/2018 reacting to the differences in their bodies? like tails marking how 2018 are lean builds rather than the average/ muscular builds of 2012? april reacting to the different personalities? reacting to their roles in the family?in case you needed ideas ; love how you right them

This is only part one; Mikey and Raph exams are soon to come! Didn’t want to make it too long and decided to split it. Most of the details included are my own headcanons and ideas, and I was more than happy to indulge in them!! @assanmaharielsreblogs

“Extraordinary...” Donnie had borrowed Donatello’s goggles and was using them to examine his taller counterpart; the lenses extended outward and fed him all sorts of information— Donatello’s species, his mutation— all overwhelming Donnie with the knowledge he craved.

“Pretty cool, huh?” Donatello gave a smug grin. “It gives me enough information to create an analysis almost on the spot— particular weaknesses, known criminal records, blood type— the works. Oh, and it can also detect any mystic metals or energies!”

“Incredible...” Donnie’s eyes flicked between the words that passes a crossed the screen in quick succession. “You’re an Apalone spinifera! One of the largest freshwater turtle species in North America!”

“Ah, yes! But do you know what the name means?” Donatello prompted.

“Oh— well... hm. Let’s see. Apalone comes from the Greek work apalos, meaning soft or tender...”

“Feel.” Donatello held out his arm for examination.

Donnie only stared at it for a few moments before he took the hand in his with a gasp of wonder at the soft, leathery-ness of the skin— almost like a slightly tougher silk. His eyes never left the arm as he continued his talk with a hushed voice.

“Spinifera is of Latin descent... spina refers to a thorn or spine, while ifer means bearing... that means you... you bear a spine... right?”

“Why don’t you check it out?” Donatello turned around.

Donnie’s eyes grew as wide as saucers and, though his hands immediately reached for the armor, he was quick to withdraw them.

“Are you sure?”

“Eh. Why not.” Donatello shrugged. “Just... be careful, alright? I’m really sensitive back there.”

Donnie took a deep breath. When he reached for the armor, his hands were as gentle as he could make them. Slowly undoing the straps in a calculated, repetitive motion. He gripped it firmly as it came loose and placed it on a nearby shelf before turning to see the flat, leathery shell for the first time.

As expected, there was a ridge of spines right down the middle, and the shell itself was littered with old scars and wounds healed years ago.

“Wow...” Donnie didn’t know what else to say as he traced his hand along the skin of the shell, feeling the difference in texture that shifted between regular and scarred tissue. Feeling the surprisingly rough spines under his fingers. “There’s a lot of scarring here...”

“Why do you think I made the armor?” Donatello asked, finally turning around, “I mean— it does look cool, but it’s not just for aesthetic. Why are you staring?”

Donnie broke out of the trance and shook his head. “Sorry! It’s just— you— your—“ he made vague motions to his mouth.

“My teeth?” Donatello asked with narrowed eyes.

“Yes!” Donnie clapped.

Donatello sighed and rolled his eyes, pointing Donnie toward one of the various drawers. “Tongue depressors are in there— knock yourself out.”

Donnie gave a happy squeal and ran to the drawer, sifting through it and pulling out one of the wooden sticks before hurrying back over. Donatello took a seat and crossed his hands over his lap, opening his mouth willingly. Donnie pressed down on the softshells tongue, but after only a few seconds said,

“Have you got any gloves?”

“O’re der.” He pointed, and Donnie followed.

Pulling on the gloves, he returned to his exam and started to prod around Donatello’s mouth, pulling back the lips to get a better look at the fangs within. Powerful, curved teeth with ridges on their backs almost like a sharks.

“Fascinating...” Donnie breathed, feeling the sharpness of the tooth, “Do these affect your diet any?” He withdrew enough to let Donatello respond.

“Yeah uh...” Donatello rubbed his cheek, “I’m technically an omnivore, but I try to avoid raw fruits and vegetables.”

Donnie scrambled for a notebook to start scribbling.

“I can digest them just fine, it’s the chewing that’s the problem; that’s why they created smoothies, it’s so much more simpler! Meat is healthier for me anyway.”

“So— so just like your species in the wild! Your diet is meat!”

“I also have these.” Donatello held out a gloved hand, removing the covering.

Donnie leaned down to get a better look at the hand, giving another squeal of pure delight at its form; webbing connected the fingers, almost making it fin-like in nature. He reached forward to touch it without a second thought, pinching the thin lair of skin to feel the texture.

“Ow!” Donatello pulled away, cradling his hand to his chest. “No touchy! That hurt!”

Donnie gasped. “Sorry! It’s just— I didn’t expect you to actually have webbing! Do your toes have webbing too?”

“Yup.” Donatello confirmed, “they’re a liability when running, but when I get in the water...” he whistled and made a swift motion with his hand.

“Wow! Your mutation is so much cooler than mine! Are the eyebrows part of your mutation too?”

When Donnie tried to reach forward to touch them, Donatello slapped him away. Donnie yelped and pulled his hand back away whimpering like a wounded dog.

“No, they’re drawn on.” Donatello said. “You’ll smudge them.”

“Oh. That makes a lot more sense.”

*****

Leonardo sat confidently in the seat in front of the doppelgänger of his twin; the Donnie already had several exam equipment laid out and ready for use. His curiosity had also seemed to spread to his brothers, who all gathered in the corner waiting expecting for some cool, new discovery about Leonardo.

“I’m gonna take your temperature first.” Donnie stated as he untied Leonardo’s mask and reached for the instrument. He ran it across Leonardo’s forehead and watched the results as it beepers. “Woah... thats low.”

“Well he is a reptile.” Raph pointed out, “isn’t he supposed to be cold?”

“Well— yeah— but a red eared sliders normal body range is about 15 degrees Celsius, his is higher than that; 25 degree. Leo, do you sweat?”

“Yeah.”

“And when you go out in the cold, do you get a puff cloud whenever you breath? Like fog?”

“Duh.” Leonardo huffed.

“Huh.” Donnie backed up for a second, “he’s warm blooded! Just at a much lower temperature than any other warm blood I know of!”

Leonardo laughed and crossed his hands behind his head, leaning back in his seat. “Yay me.”

“Oh— can I?” Donnie reached for Leonardo’s hands.

“I’d be insulted if you didn’t.” He held out his hand willingly for Donnie to remove the glove and examine the webbed fingers.

“Not nearly as expansive as Donatello’s, but still incredible. How does it affect your swimming and running?”

“Well I can swim like a torpedo and run like an angry emu; do i get a cookie?”

Donnie blinked. “Eh, no?”

“Dang it!” Leonardo snapped his fingers, and then pointed at Donnie, “lollipop?”

“No...?”

“Ugh!” Leonardo threw his hands in the air dramatically. “What kinda doctor doesn’t have treats for after! And I’m gonna take a wild guess and say you don’t have stickers either?”

Donnie didn’t know how to answer, so he simply said, “can I take a look at your teeth?”

Leonardo opened his mouth to speak, but before he could say anything Donnie grabbed the stick and shoved it into his mouth, pressing down on the turtles tongue to silence him as the exam started.

“Hmm... your teeth are almost human... but your cuspids are remarkable sharp—again, not as impressive as Donatello’s, but definitely remarkable. And your diet?”

Donnie finally pulled back so Leonardo could speak.

“Yknow, little of this, little of that. Pizza mostly.”

“That’s a given.” Raph commented with a wave of his hand.

“Fruits? Vegetables? Meats?” Donnie went on.

“Uh... yeah? Aren’t all of those on pizza?”

“Well—yeah— but I meant which one are you most comfortable with?”

“Erm. All of them, I guess?”

“So you’re truly omnivorous, then; your teeth kinda gave that away, but it can never hurt to be sure.” Donnie removed his gloves and wandered over to the sink to wash his hands.

“Hey! Uh. Other Donnie?”

“Yeah?” Donnie called back.

“If you’re gonna do all this stuff with Miguel, you’re gonna need some rewards—otherwise he won’t sit still.”

“I’m sure I can manage it.”

“No— you can’t. Trust me— Mikey hates exams.”

#tmnt #teenage mutant ninja turtles #rottmnt #leonardo #leo #tmnt au #donatello #donnie #michelangelo #mikey #raphael #raph #oneshots

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itmighthavebeenintentional · 4 years

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Walk Me Home - Ch 4

Summary: Twenty-four years ago, Kimberly Harper met a boy who changed the course of her entire life before up and leaving one night. She spent years moving past the memories, building a stable, satisfying career as professor of folklore and mythology at the local university. Then the accidents start, and she’s forced to seek help among her hunter contacts. All it takes is a knock on her office door to send Kimber’s carefully built emotional walls crumbling to the ground.

Featuring: Teen Winchesters, high school romance, reunions, misunderstandings, high intensity emotional turmoil, Dean’s love of pie, Dean being adorable, Sam being adorable and maybe a bit nosy eventually, much group adorkable-ness, show-style investigation, mention of our favorite werewolf, gratuitous and obvious love of fall, DID I MENTION ROMANCE, fluff, smut, tension.

Warnings: Show level violence, show level parental neglect (let’s not John bash, I’m just saying), show-style witchcraft, show-level mental manipulation, stalking, bit of angst, sexual content (higher than show level),swearing, general yearning

Word Count: 2702

Author’s Note: At last!!! I almost didn’t make it, but here I am, literally in the eleventh hour (well, okay, three minutes to go until the eleventh hour, but still)! All the thanks to @mskathywrites , @fang, and @cracksinthewalls for editing, revision, flailing, and all that stuff I need. I still love this story, and I hope y’all will, too!

Keep in Mind: There are a lot of flashbacks. I tried to write current events in present tense and flashbacks in past tense. Here’s hoping I got everything right!

Please read/heed the warnings. 18+ ONLY.

In Case You Missed It: Ch 1 | Ch 2 | Ch 3 ItMightHaveBeenIntentional’s Masterlist

Chapter 4

Kimber knows she’s staring, but she can’t stop herself. His fingers, rough and strong from years of the hardest work, brush circles over her wrists that send her pulse fluttering through her veins. So many emotions flicker behind his eyes, some of them mirroring her own, some of them alien and unreadable. So many years have passed, so much water under the bridge, as the saying goes.

The thing is, he was completely right earlier. She could have called him, once she learned who he and his family were, once she found a way.

But he had left town with her phone number memorized. He was in a much more logical position to get in touch, and right away, at that. And he never did. She knows he had a good reason, a completely reasonable one that would make sense if she just asked him.

But she’s scared and drained and confused and more than a little ashamed, and she’s tired of making a fool of herself.

She drops her eyes before the tears fully form and murmurs a quiet thanks as she loosens her hands from his grip. Though walking away is not what she wants to do, she forces her legs straight to the bathroom, closing the door behind her with a firm click.

She’ll feel better after a hot shower. That’s all she needs, a hot shower and a few hours of sleep. They’ll figure this out tomorrow, and then Dean and his brother will ride off into the sunset, and everything will go back to normal. She’ll go back to her classes as usual, helping out the occasional hunter or scholar with some lore, and she’ll bury all these feelings behind her heart again, drown them so deep they’ll never dream of resurfacing.

At least, that’s the fairy tale she tells herself as the scalding stream washes the saltwater from her cheeks.

She actually does feel moderately restored by the time she steps out of the bathroom. She feels a little ridiculous in Dean’s clothing. The sleeves of the t-shirt hang past her elbows, and the pants legs are rolled up several times to keep her from tripping.

At least the waist has a drawstring, she thinks as she rounds the corner back into the room. She pulls the towel from her hair, shaking it out a little just as Dean looks up from his laptop at the small table. His mouth opens, eyes widening. She’s not sure because of the poor lighting of the room, but his face seems to color a little as his eyebrows lift.

She is suddenly, acutely aware that she did not put her bra back on when getting dressed in his white t-shirt that is probably not nearly as thin as it feels.

Dean clears his throat, turning back to his computer, swallowing whatever comments have entered his mind. Kimber can’t decide whether to laugh or blush even harder and settles for the third option of hanging her office clothes up so they can air out a little before tomorrow.

With nothing else to do, she drops onto the edge of the bed gracelessly, feeling every minute of the last few weeks catching up with her. Uncertainty and fear claw at her, ripping away what little defenses she has left. The image of the mutilated doll flashes before her eyes, red paint splashed luridly on her favorite comforter. Her lungs clench, and she sags on the mattress.

She presses her fingers hard against her face. Acid burns at the back of her throat, bitter and biting. Her fingernails are just beginning to dig into her scalp when she registers the click of the laptop closing. Half a moment passes, then the bed dips beside her.

She doesn’t consciously decide to move; her body simply molds itself to his side as Dean slides his arm around her back. He turns into the embrace, his other arm gathering her tightly against him. His cheek comes to rest on top of her head. The silence between them is the comfort she needs, his warmth and solidity the anchor that keeps her from drifting too far into panic.

When he finally speaks, his words rumble through her nerves, settling heavy and soothing in her chest.

“We’re gonna get this son of a bitch, Kimber. I’m sorry they got into your house, but I’m glad I was with you. I…” She rises gently with his deep inhalation, pressed as she is against his chest. “I’m sorry.”

She hears what he isn’t saying, and her hands drop from her face, her arms slipping around his middle as her eyes close.

“Me, too, Dean.”

...

“That pumpkin pie was somethin’ else,” Dean murmured. His arms were folded behind his head as he stretched out on top of Kimber’s bedspread. He crossed his ankles, settling in like he belonged there. His thin t-shirt stretched across his wiry frame, jeans lying enticingly low on his hips, and she could just see a glimpse of pink toe through a hole in one of his socks.

A pleasant, off-balancing thrill skipped down Kimber’s spine, twirling through her stomach and making her head spin a little. Dean’s jacket was hung carefully on her desk chair, his boots lined up on the floor underneath, and his button-up overshirt folded neatly on the desk.

Her parents had gone to bed long ago, and she had snuck Dean in the back door. After their exhilarating but chilled stroll that afternoon, she’d decided against the treehouse. Dean had been amused but willing, although he’d had one stipulation that had nearly made her laugh aloud.

“We get caught and your folks kick me out, you’re bringing me your mom’s leftovers to school every day for breakfast. I’m not missin’ out on home cooking just because you can’t stand to be away from me.”

Now, seeing him so comfortable on her bed, like he just belonged...Kimber knew the smile on her face was on the goofier end of sappy, but she couldn’t help it. He was just so damned…

“Cute,” he said, smirking up at her. “I know what you’re thinking. And I’m not cute. I’m adorable.”

She sighed dramatically, feigning exasperation. “Fine, you’re gorgeous, adorable, vital, the absolute most. Now close your eyes so I can change.” Smirk still firmly in place, Dean dutifully closed his eyes. She knew, despite the short time she’d known him, that she could trust Dean to keep his eyes shut.

She spent a few seconds regretting the lack of any silky, dramatic nightgowns or cute, sexy little matching pajama sets. Oh, well; couldn’t have everything. She stripped quickly, tossing her school clothes into the hamper and slipping on her “Aaahh!!! Real Monsters” t-shirt. Thick socks and plaid pajama pants completed her night ensemble.

That she had just been naked (however unseen said nakedness had been) in front of Dean Winchester had not escaped her. She licked her lips, cheeks warm, and turned slowly back to the bed. He lay still, chest rising and falling steadily, and she marveled, not for the first time, that he was here, in her room. Just for her.

Her pulse jumped, her lungs tightened, and for just a second, Kimber panicked.

“You can, uh...you can open your eyes. I’m gonna go brush my teeth; I’ll be right back.”

She fled silently down the hallway, brushed her teeth in record time, and then stared in the mirror. Her hair was just her hair, nothing amazing or horrifying; no point trying to fix that before bed. Maybe…make-up?

“Kimber. What the hell?” she muttered. “You’re not seducing him, just be cool. Jeez. You can’t wear make-up to bed.”

She splashed cold water on her face, scrubbing her skin dry with a hand towel more forcefully than necessary. She gave her reflection another once-over and took a deep breath.

“You’re his choice, too,” she reminded herself. “Just chill.”

She found him exactly as she’d left him, completely relaxed on the bed, eyes still closed. She thought for a moment that he might have fallen asleep. Kimber wasn’t sure if she felt more disappointment or relief.

“You left in a little bit of a hurry,” he murmured, eyes still closed, and she started. “Everything okay?” She almost put him off, could feel the brush-off on her lips, but his eyes slid open, pinning her on the spot. She got the eerie sense that he would know, that he already knew she was trying to put on a front, and she deflated a little.

“I’m nervous,” she finally admitted. The heat in her cheeks turned up a few degrees, spreading down her neck, and she crossed her arms over her chest defensively. “I’ve never...snuck a guy to my room before. I just...this is mostly new to me, but with you, I want...I don’t know.”

Without a word, Dean slid from the bed and crossed the room, his mesmerizing eyes never leaving hers. He stopped a few feet away and waited, his arms open. With the bed suddenly out of the equation, Kimber felt a hidden knot of anxiety untie in her chest.

She let out a breath and stepped into his embrace, her arms circling his waist in a way that felt easy and right. Dean’s lips pressed a warming kiss to the crown of her head.

“Sweetheart,” he whispered. “This is your room, your space, but even if it wasn’t-” He paused, leaning back and brushing his thumb over her cheek. “Kimber, look at me.”

She did, and his earnest expression left no room to doubt his next words. It barely left room for breathing.

“ ‘M not here to make you feel uncomfortable or scared. I’m here because you want me to be. The second that stops, the second I make you feel something you don’t want, that’s it. Period. Does that work for you?”

His eyes, so plaintive and weathered in that moment, cut right to her heart. Never in her life had Kimber felt so safe, so protected, and so very sad. She couldn’t think of any words that lived up to the magnitude of what Dean had just said, so she simply squeezed him tighter, pressing her face against the side of his neck.

“Can you stay?” she asked. She knew he had obligations, probably needed to get back to his brother or at least check in with his dad. She felt terribly selfish in her warm, safe house with her parents right down the hall. Still, she asked.

“Yeah, I can stay for a while.” His smile, soft and open, laid her doubts to rest. They settled onto the bed, fumbling a little awkwardly to find a position they both liked. There was some bumping, mumbled apologies, until they finally sorted out a comfortable twist of limbs that didn’t set her heart beating out of her ribs or threaten to cut off blood flow to anything important.

She relaxed by increments, her cheek resting on his collarbone. He hugged her close with his left arm, his right hand combing slowly through her hair over and over. The silence settled around them like a second blanket, soothing and heavy.

“What do you want to do when you finish school, Kimber? College?”

“Probably,” she murmured. “I don’t know specifically, but I like research.”

He snorted, and she poked him in the side.

“Shut up, you jerk, I do. And I like sharing the information. I like helping people. I don’t really want to be a teacher, but maybe I can find something where I can do all of that.”

Dean resumed combing her hair, having paused when she poked him, and they settled a little more closely together.

“Dean?”

“Mmm?”

She blinked slowly, sleep pulling at her eyelids. Her thoughts spun out languidly, losing their urgency as his warmth seeped through the thin fabric of her pajamas.

“How about you?”

His answer came quickly, rehearsed and without thought. “Join the family business. Dad’s been training me for years. Don’t have a lotta choice, but I know I’ll be good at it. Was raised for it.”

Her fingers crept up, her eyes staying closed for longer and longer periods between blinks. She slid her thumb over his chin, just brushing the line of his bottom lip before sliding slowly up his jaw.

His words weren’t emotionless, but they were automatic. There was so much he never said, and she hated to push him, afraid he would just leave or shut down, but…

“But what do you want?” She persisted, drowsiness interfering with her usual restraint. “Who do you want to be?”

He was silent for so long, she nearly gave in to fatigue. She drifted on the edge of unconsciousness, fingers stroking through the silky strands of hair behind his ears. She felt his face turn, his lips press against her wrist.

“I want...this,” he said. Even half-asleep, she couldn’t mistake the raw longing behind his words. “I want...I want to work a boring, regular job and come home to someone who missed me all day as much as I missed her. I want my kids to cannonball into my legs so hard they knock me over. I want…”

His words choked off, and she stilled her fingers against his cheek, waiting for him to continue.

“I want a house. No...I...when I was little, Dad would come home, and he would just...sweep Mom up sometimes, swing her around, when they weren’t fighting. Even when they were, he’d do it sometimes anyway just to get her to laugh.”

She felt his face shift beneath her hand, but his smile didn’t feel quite right, and she moved closer. His arm tightened around her back, and he smoothed the palm of his free hand down to cup her jaw.

“I want a home. I want to be a dad, a husband. I want a family.”

She felt childish, shallow next to the depth of his simple declaration. Dean wanted what she had, what she took for granted every day of her life. This was the first time he’d spoken of his mother, and though curiosity burned hot inside her, she didn’t dare ask further questions, afraid she’d break the spell of the moment.

Dean’s voice dropped until she could feel it more than hear it, his lips pressing softly against her forehead.

“I want to come home and hold someone until I fall asleep every night. I want to wake up to her and know that my whole day, every day, is gonna be just that, all over again.”

She lifted her face to his then, and in the darkness of her bedroom she could only just make out the barest lines of his features. Their noses brushed, his hand gently pulling at the back of her head, and their lips met. His cheek was damp under her fingertips, and her heart clenched.

She pulled his head down, brushing her lips over the tears trickling down his cheekbones more by feel than by sight. Both his arms came around her then, pulling her against his chest as he buried his face in his hair. They breathed together, memorizing each others’ scents, heartbeats, rhythms as the night crept by.

The moment didn’t pass so much as gradually relax until Kimber felt him shift beneath her, smoothly sliding her off his chest and down to the pillows. He kissed her temple, and her face automatically turned to his, chasing his lips. She felt him chuckle against her mouth.

“I’m sorry, sweetheart, I gotta go. Need to check on Sammy, make sure he got dinner, did his homework, all that mess. I’ll see you tomorrow. Walk you to school?”

She nodded, humming her agreement even as she blindly reached for him. Something soft brushed against her fingers, and she automatically pulled it down, cuddling against the fabric.

“Hold onto that for me. I’ll get it back from you sometime.” She felt a kiss press to her forehead, and then the click of her door closing. She breathed in, Dean’s scent surrounding her as she slipped under again, his button-up shirt pillowed under her cheek and tangled in her fingers.

…

Chapter 5

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ufonaut · 4 years

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I hope this isn’t annoying, but what’s your take on how dragon king and the wizard viewed jordan and henry’s weird power relationship and differing views on project New America? Like how henry allowed jordan to be in charge before hank died, and how jordan’s ideas didn’t seem to translate to henry’s endgame in the finale? It sucks that we missed henry’s speech later in the season because I would have loved to see the other ISA’s reaction to henry’s new (well more like stepped-into) power. Like dragon king seemed invested in jordan’s dream and the wizard probably believed more in what jordan would have wanted instead of what henry enacted, you know? Also sorry if this sounds like an essay prompt- the ISA relationship, especially jordan and henry makes me feral 😅

absolutely no worries, this isn’t annoying at all! might be the film student in me talking but analysing my favourite media is my no 1 hobby & passion so there’s nothing more validating than anyone being interested in my thoughts, genuinely thank you for reaching out to me!!! sorry it took me a hot minute to get back to you, i wanted to make sure i’d have the time to get into it because i really do genuinely love this

OKAY. LET’S DO THIS. ONE BY ONE.

first off, i think it’s important to note that the project: new america is actually the world’s most high stakes game of telephone. not a single person in the isa has the same vision for the endgame here nor for the means to achieve it

that being said, dr ito fundamentally couldn’t have been invested in jordan’s dream. out of every character in stargirl, he’s the one who’s changed the least and who has remained the most comic book-y level of one-dimensional evil (disclaimer: not a bad thing! sometimes rule of cool is well-earned, particularly in the case of lizard men). let’s recap what we actually know for a fact about dr shiro ito:

so we’ve got the following conclusions: ‘controversial’ scientist specifically means scientist for the axis powers in wwii. while in real life the creators of the bacilli bombs weren’t prosecuted as war criminals despite japan frequently using chemical weapons, dr ito’s so-called execution takes place well within the timeline of the real life IMTFE/the tokyo war crimes tribunal and it’s very likely that he was less executed and more declared dead after secretly fleeing the country (hence his current residence being blue valley’s sewers). while in the comics his ultimate goal is to became the emperor of japan and subsequently take over the world, the facts of the case haven’t changed when they’ve been adapted for stargirl

that’s one of the reasons i tend to be pretty baffled when i see any fandom affection or “”soft””” headcanons directed at dr ito considering surely it’d be obvious how outright stupid that is if he’d been outright called, say, a nazi scientist. that’s another discussion though! what i mean by all this is that dr ito isn’t in any way, shape or form a man who believes or is invested in jordan’s dream. as a matter of fact, i think it’s pretty clear he’s got his own power play within the isa

he’s not well-liked (for the obvious reasons above and the lizard-ness) within the gang and it’s obvious that he spends the majority of his time doing his own experiments in the basement with the drones/zombies/whatever you wanna call them. i think his plan for the machine was a genuine mind-control thing that he needed henry for and his own endgame isn’t remotely similar to the rest of the isa’s. that being said, he clearly holds henry in some regard (fellow evil doctor?) going by the letter he sent him about hank & the fact that he doesn’t address him as anything other than “dr king”. my personal headcanon is that he actually talked his way into the isa by offering a palpable method (the machine) of achieving the so-called “dream” and his goals are much more aligned with henry’s. it’s equally likely that it’s henry who insisted on dr ito joining up in a rare show of leadership, especially if jordan & co aren’t actually aware of his history

dr ito, like everyone else, doesn’t appear to respect jordan as much as he simply keeps him at arm’s length -- as he does with everyone else who isn’t henry, at any rate. jordan falters on the stairs in episode 4 when he sees dr ito in the meeting room! he’s distinctly and visibly tense! it feels less like a talk between teammates and more like begrudging allies, with an implied possibility of backstabbing at every turn (”i won’t betray you, like the shade”, “i won’t fail, like the wizard” etc etc. are suspiciously specific denials!). sure, dr ito says he believes in the injustice society but i think the emphasis there is on injustice and his goals that have changed very little since the war. if nothing else, he simply believes in an exceedingly long con

AS FOR THE WIZARD. i think he & jordan were actually friendly and somewhat united in their goals. we’ve got the following neil interview:

where he calls william jordan’s friend, despite also saying in the stargirl after hours podcast that jordan has “zero friends” (and which i assume to mean that there’s no one left after wizard). they’ve clearly got a somewhat close relationship considering jordan left william in charge in his absence (a possible reference to wizard being the leader of the original comics isa but no doubt a testament to their similar povs as well), he doesn’t shy away from calling him literally four times in a row and william does sincerely seem to be the only person in the world to respect jordan to some degree. he’s certainly the opposite of dr ito in that he’s aligned with jordan’s general idea of helping people rather than what the plan turns into after henry takes over. the problem, however, is that jordan very evidently lost his trust in william somewhere along the line

now, i’ve seen a couple posts around here claiming that jordan could’ve just gone into politics (which shows a fundamental misunderstanding of his character and, again, a different discussion for another day) but we know for a fact that he distrusts and dislikes politicians. that’s precisely the rift between him and william! jordan is fighting for real actual change, for a genuine & humanising way to help people and that’s near impossible to be done through politics. regardless of how much william would’ve been able to do through his job, the fact of the matter is that there would always be compromises & corruption. despite william believing in jordan’s plan, it’s jordan (for once!) who can’t reconcile his dreams with william’s actions

beyond that, promises are everything to jordan because he’s spent the past decade tied to the promise he made christine and he’d never even dream of breaking that. the perceived betrayal of an unkept promise (to take care of the isa? of henry?) is unbearable to him. no matter how much he might like william, the measures he takes seem necessary in the moment precisely because of all this

so, ultimately, i think the isa are well aware of the dynamics between henry & jordan and they’ve more or less split between them in accordance with their personal goals. i really do wish we could’ve seen henry’s cut speech too though!

EXCUSE THE ESSAY BUT I HOPE IT ANSWERED A COUPLE QUESTIONS & PLEASE LET ME KNOW UR THOUGHTS!!! THANK U AGAIN!!!!!

#stargirl #isa #injustice society of america #dragon king #dr ito #wizard #william zarick #jordan mahkent #icicle #henry king sr #brainwave #meta #stargirl meta #anon #ask

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mikami · 5 years

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Can you do an analysis of Light in part II

It took me a bit, but yes, absolutely! First, I’ll take this spot to promote casuistor’s early canon Light and Yotsuba Arc Light analyses. I absolutely concur with what is said in them and for a full picture of Light, they’re recommended reading. I can’t claim to know if Casuistor would fully agree with what I have to say about Arc 2 Light now, but I can at least hope that this patches together to a coherent characterization, haha.

Eclipse - An Analysis of 23 year old Light Yagami.

Light in after the timeskip is a little tricky because we don’t get to see a lot of him at his ‘status quo’. Very early on Sayu gets kidnapped and from then on we largely see Light in stress situations which is only minorly conductive to figuring out how he changed at baseline between ages 18 and 23. I will still attempt to do this and establish where life brought him in those five years first of all.

First off, he finished his undergraduate college education. This is a 4 year program, so from spring 2005 to spring 2009, this is part of what keeps Light busy. The other is his two jobs as Kira and as L, each of which must have eaten up a good amount of his time. And yet, Light did at least a minimum of socializing as well:

In the first arc, Light and Takada date for exactly two days and knew each other for maybe a month. There isn’t any space for them to be having these in-depth conversations here - it makes much more sense that Light smoothed things over between them after returning from confinement. It’s not like him to leave a blemish like him cheating on and then ghosting Takada stand uncorrected. It appears they became friends afterwards and only fully lost contact when Takada graduated, around a year before Light did (since she didn’t miss a year due to being a Kira suspect)…. This just goes to establish that during the majority of the time-skip, Light absolutely does keep up his charming good boy public image.

He also keeps Misa reasonably happy - though he does not show her any overt affections, he doesn’t neglect her to a degree she’s uncomfortable with and it’s canon that they are sexually active together. (Elaborations: here and here).

I’m bringing all this up immediately because there is often an assumption that the Light we see the most in the second arc is fully reflective of his attitude during the timeskip, which I think is demonstrably untrue.

Nevertheless, it would also be wrong to say Light didn’t change at all.

For one, obviously, he gets a job. Contrary to popular opinion, Light’s work is NOT just being on the Kira Task Force. When the second arc starts up properly, he’s already been working on the information bureau for 6 months. And this is canonically not just a cover as Light mentions work from it that he was involved with:

So this brings Light up to 3 labor-intense jobs - NPA, L, Kira. Even with task delegating, that’s a lot of work. If there’s just one word to describe young adult Light it’s simply ‘busy’. He’s just so busy.

The other thing that notably changed is his relationship to Soichiro. This change took root during the Yotsuba Arc and spans further and further now. Though Light still looks up to his father, he is no longer hesitant to talk back to Soichiro - likewise, Soichiro often defers to him through this arc. The two of them have become adults of equal standing by now. Soichiro is no longer the unquestioned patriarch of the Yagami family.

Now, there isn’t a lot of space to examine Light’s adult daily life demeanor in, but the image he gives off in the few scenes we get is that he’s become a more serious and stoic person over his years of being busy and living a double life. The double life aspect is especially highlighted in the brief Yagami family scene.

Though we see Light laugh along with his family, his eyes are obscured in both instances. With Light, this is classically a visual cue towards emotional conflict rather than plain lying. The issue here isn’t that he’s faking it, the issue is that his double life existence is taking some amount of mental toll on him.

At the start of the second arc we are introduced to the setting information that Kira has been gaining more and more wide-spread acceptance across the globe. Yet the Yagami family stands firmly against Kira, not exactly to Light’s delight. In the end, his family members are the prototypical ‘good people’ that he’s making his new world for in the first place. I’ve discussed ad nausea that Light desires his father approval, but his sister’s and mother’s opinion matter to him as well. Above all other people, Light loves his family. Five years of playing charades and listening to them vehemently disagree with his actions have created a sense of emotional disconnect though, which I think is visible in his vacant expressions during this scene.

Since Light isn’t currently facing any thrilling challenge, I get the feeling that his mentality during this timeframe is a sense of ‘just a bit further until….’. He’s not living in the moment so much as dismissing the moment as temporary inconvenience on his quest towards the ideal he is striving for. (Which isn’t to say I see him as totally emotionally absent. This is just the underlying current.)

And that’s where we have Light at the end of Volume 7. And with Volume 8, he is immediately tossed into great emotional peril with Sayu’s kidnapping. This would be the first big segment you’d need to cover for second arc Light, but it’s already been written out brilliant by casuistor in the second half of this post. The bottom line is: Light changes all his plans to his disadvantage because he loves his sister and wants her safe, hurray! This is relevant to every arc Light really, loving his family is a big constant with him.

How much this all stresses him out is evident in him getting loud and abrasive, which isn’t much his usual behavior. (Again, I’d argue Misa seems surprised by this outburst more than anything - I don’t believe this has been a pattern between them at any point during the timeskip.)

Especially since he goes back to being smarmy as is default with her once the threat to his sister is dealt with.

The other big thing that happens in Volume 8 is obviously him meeting Mello and Near, who are the ones reintroducing struggle into Light’s stagnant life.

The meeting with Near immediately evokes the tension of a battle with L for Light - for Mello, the association doesn’t come until Sayu is out of immediate danger. Either way, for the time being the presence of these two kind of anchors Light. Having something to fight and schemes to do to keep his brain actively engaged tends to be something that makes him thrive.

It’s cool that he himself points out how thematically Mello and Near are challenging him on two different facets of his existence. The fact that it’s a challenge is also what sets this apart from Light vs L in the first arc. Though Light hadn’t initially known it, back then L was the established force and Light was the newcomer and challenger. Now Light is established in both areas and Mello and Near are the ones attacking his existent positions - that’s why he views them as roadblocks to outplay rather than as nemeses. He views himself, from the get-go, as the person with the upper hand - this brand of confidence is only possible because the timeskip existed and made Light get used to this as status quo.

And this about sums-up Light in the first half of the second arc. It’s important to note that as far as Light characterization is concerned the second arc really does segment mid volume 9. His father’s death is an event that changes Light significantly on every count.

I wrote it out before, so in the name of not getting super repetitive, here’s the key elements of Soichiro’s death as far as Light is concerned.

It was not what Light planned. He wanted to kill Matsuda, he never even considered his father would volunteer.

Soichiro dies while expressing happiness that Light is not Kira - thus cementing once and for all that Light will never and can never attain his father’s approval that he yearns for.

Soichiro’s statement also implies that he still had doubts about Light’s innocence, even after mock-shooting him in the face and working alongside him for years. Light also learns his father never trusted him fully.

Basically everything Light wants from his father is negated and denied and then Soichiro is dead, leaving Light with no way to rectify things.

We’d established in the early paragraphs of this that a lot of Light acting as Kira was a matter of waiting until his family approves. Soichiro’s passing now makes this ‘until’ an impossibility. And that hurts badly.

Light deals with this by rationalizing everything to the n-th degree. He focuses himself on killing Mello during his father’s death to push the emotions as far away as possible and after that tries to cut himself off from his father emotionally as much as possible. This includes being avoidant to the rest of his family who remind him of the cocktail of unresolved emotions he has simmering below:

And then changes in his rhetoric and candidness about his thoughts are also immediately apparent. I feel like I cap this scene in every second post I write but it’s simply too relevant to ever be left out:

Again, we’re dealing with the hidden eyes visual cue that usually indicates that Light is saying the truth or is very emotionally conflicted about what he’s saying.

So here we have Light fully verbally acknowledging Kira’s evil-ness, to the world, to himself. Soichiro always thought of Kira as evil and how badly that wounded Light is one of the key segments early in the first arc. Now, Soichiro’s stance is eternal, because Soichiro is gone. Light has to acknowledge it as unchangable fact - so he focuses his rhetoric on the idea of sacrifice once more.

This little speech isn’t for the sake of the task force members, it’s Light’s answer to his dead father; Light re-convincing himself of his whole scheme.

None of these are brand-new thoughts for Light, but the timing and intensity with which they surface here is noteworthy.

(Side Note: from this point on, the usage of the hidden eye cue for Light changes a little - up until here it’d been used pretty much exclusively for Light being emotional. Now it is also often used when we see the scene from Aizawa’s perspective, symbolizing his distrust of Light - how he feels he and Light literally cannot talk eye to to eye because Light is lying. The inconsistency in the visual language is kind of annoying, but ah well.)

Further, Light loses his qualms about going against Soichiro’s morals in front of the task force. Now that there is no father there to judge him anymore, he doesn’t put too much care into keeping up appearances. Where in the Yotsuba Arc Light had made plenty clear that he’s his father’s good son who would never use people, he just… totally gives up on this now. Though in front of his father Light always acted out that he and Misa are an actual couple, he now cheats on her without so much as a feigned hesitance.

His excuse regarding Takada is half-hearted at best as well. Of course, this in part just relates to Ohba not putting any care into writing women or people’s feelings about women. But on a solely in-universe level, this is a notable shift in how manipulative Light lets people see him as.

The rest of the task force simply does not matter to him as more than mere pawns - their opinion of him is only important when it comes to threat level assessment. Light’s actual morality chain is gone now.

Light’s characterization during this time-frame is a little tough to talk about because there isn’t a lot of added value, if that makes sense? He’s the Light we know but less. His character change isn’t defined by new traits emerging so much as old traits falling away: Light doesn’t joke around anymore, Light doesn’t bother to hide duplicitous nature as much anymore. And notably, Light doesn’t really get emotional key moments anymore either.

He’s mostly just… this. He’s laser-focused on his plan and his victory while pushing aside any personal elements.

Only with Takada, he amps up the charm again and acts more like his first arc self, but that’s not a positive statement to their relationship.

To Light, this is solely functional rather than relaxing. He was going to kill Takada along with everyone else who knows of the notebook right after the 28th, rather than keep her around for use. The only one who would have survived this rampage would have been Mikami, solely because he has the eyes and that is still useful.

And with all of this as our baseline, we move into the finale.

Going into the warehouse, Light is, above all, overconfident. In his mind, he’s won before he even sets foot into the Yellow Box.

When he unfavorably compares Near to L, he’s in truth saying more about himself and his own mindset than he is saying about Near. He took L more seriously, not because L was better, but because he himself was more alert and aware of the possibility of failure. Earlier in the arc, Light even refers to Near as ‘worse’ than L on the threat-scale... He’s lost all of this now. The level of detached scheming he has reached after his father’s death is to the detriment of his maneuvering ability.

Light now relies on the fact that he’s the established power and views himself as inherently victorious - though Light has always been arrogant, he used to not fully underestimate people this way. He has become complacent in his arrogance - I do think that is related to how dead inside he is generally, too.

So when it turns out that he has in fact been outplayed, he takes it harsher than he ever took any set-backs before. Instead of taking reparation measures immediately, he reacts with disbelief and badly thought out excuses.

Light is fully caught off-guard by his own failure.

He is laid bare in front of everybody. Light has spent the last five years consistently lying to everybody around him, but now he is proverbially naked. This panel uses the same visual language as when Light regained his memories at the end of the Yotsuba-arc. Here and there, a split-up Light becomes more himself. There, the literally memorywiped Light got reunited with his full plans. Here, Light’s masks fall away and he’s only himself in the eyes of himself and the world.

Sometimes all you can do is laugh (tm).

Now Light finally gets to lay all the justifications he’s always told himself about his actions as Kira out in the open. And this time, maybe for the first time ever, literally every part of him believes in it. Now that everything has fallen away, this self-justification is literally all that Light has left and he’ll cling to it like a drowning man clings to a log of wood.

I think this is really the moment where Light ‘comes together’ so to speak. Masks and excuses conflate with the person, become one on every level.

For a large amount of the second arc Light has been driving on scheme-y autopilot but now his heart is fully in it once more. There is no more ‘until’. He’s justice now, he erased the last fraction of doubt now.... and it doesn’t help him.

Light is fully unified as himself for the first time.

And he’s also completely alone for the first time.

His entire life, Light had people look up to him. He’s always been adored. There has never ever been a situation in which there was truly nobody on Light’s side - not in all of his 23 years, not until now.

And that’s the one thing Light can truly not believe. The one certainty in his life has always been that people look up to him. Now he’s on the floor, crawling in his own blood, and nobody is his ally. He can’t and won’t believe it.

And that’s why he asks Ryuk for help. And that’s why Ryuk kills him.

At the very end of his life, Light is a scared child. He comes full circle from the time he found the Death Note and thought he’d die for accidentally using it - he’s back to this fear of death, only this time it’s worse. Then, he had hope to change the world in his days before death. Now, he has changed it, and he realizes that’s not enough. Leaving a legacy is not simply not enough.

Light wants to live.

All these years of feeding himself the narrative of self-sacrifice for the greater good... and at the bottom line below all that, what he really wants is to live.

Too late for that.

#somniumme #Death Note #light yagami #i spent so much time on this #idk if i am actually happy with the warehouse segment #but i'm DONE #thoughts #luna thinks

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hyucksong · 5 years

Text

vengeance. pt.2| lee taeyong

summary: You survived, somehow. And you were planning on getting your vengeance. You’d be taking down the company from the inside -- and no one could stop you. (cont. of mafiahacker!taeyong blurb)

warning: cursing, violence, angst, blood

word count: 2k

A splintering headache graced your consciousness; accompanied by indescribable pain shooting down every nerve in your battered body. With a low groan, you brought a hand up to your face, cracking your jaw loudly. As you pulled your hand away, you noticed blood covering your knuckles and bruises trailing down your arm.

Aside from the hangover-like headache and the tangible bruises and cuts, there was a deep hurt that encapsulated your heart and memories. “Damn,” You muttered, “This feels like the worse hangover ever.” With a sigh, you sat up, resting your tired arms on your knees that were pulled up close to your body.

Scanning the area, you were surprised to see no guards around, or any living thing. A sudden rattling from a nearby trashcan forced a flinch from your body, but the small raccoon that ran from about it spread a smile across your face.

“So they leave without checking if their target it actually dead?” You hoisted yourself up, dusting off the dirt and dry flaking blood from your clothes. “Totally professional.” A loud sigh left your lips as you felt around your pockets and felt your keys and wallet. “Dumbasses.” Was all you said before walking out of the back of the building towards the parking lot, and eventually towards your small apartment.

The keys fell into the bowl with a clink, the sound instilled a familiarity that calmed you as you mulled over the happenings of earlier that night. The single digital clock in your surprisingly tidy apartment beeped to signal the arrival of a new hour, 3:00 am. You paid no mind however, and instead shuffled your feet to your bathroom to inspect the damage done to your body, and most importantly your face.

After a mere few seconds of looking, you noticed the chip that was implanted behind your ear by the company must’ve short-circuited, since the area was irritated by a small but stinging burn. You clicked your tongue and touched the various cuts on your face, a strong anger taking over your senses.

The company wanted to wipe you out for not killing a kid -- how fucked was that? They forced your closest friends to watch you die or die themselves. They hurt not only you, but they hurt what meant most to you. Your heart clenched as the image of Taeyong smiling at you came up, sending your emotions into a frenzy. You rubbed your face with your hands and turned on the shower, getting ready to clean up before devising a plan to bite the sons of bitches where it most hurt them:

From the Inside.

The Inside was both a literal and tangible place while also being an idiom -- there was a place, or more so group, called the ‘Inside’, consisting of the company’s best field workers and hackers; generally just the best personnel. You were one of the best, yes, but you were never part of this, “Inside”, you were more an all-rounder for all areas of the company that concerned disguise. But the delicious taste of vengeance coated your bloody tongue as you were consumed with the want to take down this bitch of a company; SM. You slept with a smirk on your face, hoping that the company would like what you were going to give them; they could even consider it a ‘going-away’ gift. From you.

When you woke up the next morning, you immediately set your plan into motion, knowing that this would take a year at least. Not only did you have to infiltrate the company, you also had to give yourself a whole new identity, which honestly wouldn’t be hard with your level of expertise, but you’d also have to gain the trust of the president of the company to make it into the Inside. There you could have full-time access to the control panels for the security of the company. This would let you go virtually unsuspected and undetectable to cameras, including those to the presidents office. From there you could kill him however you wanted, and trust me did you have ideas.

Yes, there were probably shorter ways, but none of them would be as clean and satisfactory as infiltrating from the deepest artery of SM. Grabbing your keys determinedly, you walked out the cozy apartment preparing to go out for a vast shopping spree for new clothes, makeup, a new apartment, and a whole new self. You were willing to spend any expense to get this job done, and you undeniably excited to watch the Jenga tower of the company fall as you took a block from its unstable base.

The boys were not part of the Inside, they were part of the NCT division. They specialized, generally, in international relations, whereas other divisions specialized in professional thievery or assassinations. Taeyong was the only member part of the Inside since all hackers were unless they were just starting out. Though you longed to see the boys, you knew you wouldn’t see them just wandering around the company floors.

You walked into the company on the last day of your sixth month, adorned by your new persona. The once bubbly and extroverted girl the company previously knew was now a cold and robotic individual who was a calculating as they came. You were still doing quite mundane things around the company, like finances and supply checks -- they were boring but necessary predecessors to your end goal.

You at at your desk, keeping your uptight personality through a stick-straight posture. You hair was flat-ironed with long bangs that covered your eyebrows, which helped hide your expressions. Your coldness kept people from getting close to you, and while you missed the human contact, you grew used to the loneliness.

“Wow, kid. You sure are a natural at this stuff. It’s like you’ve done this all before.” Your supervisor chimed, smiling at you. You suppressed a grin and looked her straight in the eyes, maintaining uncomfortably tense eye contact. “Thank you. The praise is unneeded but very much appreciated.” The high-up shifted awkwardly and quickly nodded before leaving your cubicle. You smirked at your spotless acting.

“Mrs.Kim Sooyoung, please come up to meeting room five on floor three. Immediately.” You got up quickly and made your way to the said room that was announced over the intercom system. You responded to your new alias just as quick as your own name. You passed by a large mirror on the way, and you briefly glanced at your unrecognizable reflection. Your glasses,contouring and cool-toned makeup shaped a new face; your personality, living space, body language -- all was tailored to Ms.Kim Sooyoung, not L/N Y/N.

You made your way into the meeting room, almost gasping when you saw the familiar faces of your old friends. You tried hard to skip over the abyss-like eyes of Taeyong, but you couldn’t help it. You rested for a moment on him, drinking in his tired but nonetheless flawless appearance. His eyes seemed to only flick over your face, not sparing you even a second. You internally huffed, knowing that it was better like this. You sat far away from the boys, but the burn of their stare still pained you. However, you wrote on your clipboard, ignoring the curious gazes.

Chenle, however, ignored this unapproachable-ness and rolled his chair over to you with a childish smile that melted your heart. “You’re the new negotiation specialist, right? You look like it.” He laughed. “I’m Chenle, I’m part of the NCT Dream Division. I’m training to be a disguise specialist like --” He stopped himself, the room growing tense. You clenched your jaw as sadness crept through his expression. “Uh, never mind. Um, what’s your name?”

You let out an annoyed sigh and turned to him with cold eyes. “Kim Sooyoung.” He waited for the rest of your introduction, but there was none left. Your voice threw him off from his anger, why did you sound so familiar? Your voice was knocking at the innermost parts of his memories. He brushed it off with an awkward smile however, but not before the whole room got the same thoughts. You cursed inwardly at yourself for not changing the tone of your voice.

Taeyong’s heart sped up at the sound of your first words; you said Kim Sooyoung, but you sounded so much like the hole in his heart. He shook his head and even rolled his eyes, trying to take his attention off of you, but he couldn’t keep his gaze from shifting back to you every once in a while. The tension didn’t release until the click of a doorknob caught everyone’s attention. Taeyong watched as your stiff body stood up and bowed at ninety degrees at the CEO and President of SM. He scoffed, the Y/N he knew and loved would never do that -- she hated the man.

“Mr.CEO, nice to meet you. I’m Kim Sooyoung of the Trades department. It’s a pleasure to meet you.” Your voice rang off the walls. It was the only sound in the room. Mr.Sooman only nodded before sitting down in his creaky seat at the head of the table. “I know. You’ve been causing quite a stir, you know. Your negotiation skills are like no other. You’ve managed to get us some new supplies for much less than what they would’ve been.

“Thank you for the praise, Mr.Sooman.”

“You’re welcome. This was why I called you to a meeting. I think your work is spectacular and I would love to promote you to a higher position for a talented division.” He motioned to the boys. “The men here are part of the --”

“The NCT Division. I know. They consist of 21 members, all in separate sub-divisions of NCT Dream, NCT 127, inactive NCT U; the original, and the Chinese division of WayV.” The president chuckled and quirked an eyebrow at you. You pushed your sliding glasses up, the light shifting and bouncing off of them.

“I did my research.”

“There’s no point in snooping. It’s annoying. What did you look into us for, anyway? Any reason other than because you’re annoying?” Your head whipped towards the sound of the hoarse voice. You met the sharp gaze of Taeyong. You narrowed your eyes at him. “Everyone knows of the divisions. This is a mafia company, after all. Everyone who joins knows. It’s not just a trade enterprise. Please,” You scoffed before continuing, “The only annoying thing here is you and your nagging voice. I’d appreciate it if you’d shut it.” The dead silence of the room made you panic, you definitely over-stepped your boundaries. His dark eyes never left yours.

“You’re much more sharp-tongued than I previously thought. I’m glad I made this decision.” You cleared your throat and fixed your posture, turning away from Taeyong. “What would that decision be, sir?” He smirked and put his chin on his folded hands. “Well, you’ll be the negotiation specialist of the NCT Division.”

You mentally cheered, knowing that your plan was drifting down the right river. But you reminded yourself that you had to keep your image. “And why would I want that?” You countered. You heard Taeyong mutter ‘ungrateful bitch’, and ignored the stab it gave your heart.

“The NCT Division is the best one there is. It’d do you good to accept it.” The threateing voice of Mr.Sooman sent unwelcomed shivers down your spine, and you weakly nodded at his forceful tone. “Yes sir. I’m sorry.” He huffed and stood up.

“That was all. I’ll leave the rest for Taeyong and the others. They’ll teach you the ropes. Dooyoung is the Negotiations leader, and you’ll shadow him for a while until you’re completely debriefed on how things run. I’ll be taking my leave now.” He left briskly and walked out, the door shutting loudly.

“Well, looks like you’re with us now.” You gathered your things and walked towards Dooyoung, who gave you a tight-lipped smile. “Please teach me well, Mr. --”

“Dooyoung. Just call me Dooyoung. I’ll take you to the offices, so please follow close behind.” You nodded and started out the door, but not before looking at Taeyong and watching how his eyes trailed over you painfully. Your throat dried up and your heart twisted.

You found yourself not paying attention to Dooyoung as you repeatedly reminded yourself that you were here to take down SM; there was no way to go back to how things were with Taeyong.

TO BE CONTINUED IN PART 3...

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cynicalrainbows · 4 years

Text

Inner Voice Chpt 4

Sorry for the slight pause! I've been working hard on trying to get Kitty's inner-Henry right.... and to properly show the absolute agony of trying to negotiate non-fucked up conversations when you're used to....a certain degree of fucked-up-ness as normal. I hope I did it justice- feedback is always so very welcome please!

TW for refs to an emotionally abusive relationship.

In the bathroom, she splashes water on her face and leans her forehead against the cool surface of the mirror, willing her eyes to stop stinging and her breathing to go back to normal before she has to face the others again. The last thing she needs is to have to explain herself.

It isn’t long though before there’s a tap at the outer door.

Well, at least they aren’t just coming straight in….

‘Kitty?’

Wearily she wipes her eyes: it will cause more of a fuss if she refuses to answer, as if she’s manipulating them into being more concerned than necessary.

‘You can come in, Anna’

‘Are you ok?’

She begins to nod, mostly out of habit, but as she does, she feels her face crumple and the tears return.

‘I’m- fine-’

‘No you’re not.’ Anna’s arms are not the same arms that had comforted her in their first friendship but they’re just as warm. ‘But you will be.’

‘I’m- sorry’ Her voice catches in her throat, and she nearly chokes on it. ‘I’m sorry, I don’t know what’s wrong- what’s wrong with me-’

By rights, Anna should push her away for making a fuss over nothing but she doesn’t. (She never has done.)

‘Just one of those days?’ There’s no judgement, just understanding, as if Anna too is guilty of interrupting rehearsals to whine beside a sink.

She lets her heavy head rest in the hollow of Anna's neck. She doesn’t have the strength to lie. ‘I’m…..so tired. Of everything.’

‘I know, liebling. Do you remember, you said the same thing to me back then?’

She does remember. Her fourth day as a Maid In Waiting, still walking on pins with the anxiety of being officially in Royal Service, still unable to find her way around the enormous palace and, as consequence, late for every one of her duties. When the new queen-to-be had singled her out and called her to speak privately, she’d expected a scolding- or worse, to be sent home in disgrace.

‘I was so homesick. Court wasn’t how I'd imagined it.’

‘It wasn’t how I’d imagined it either- but d’you know, seeing that you were new to everything too made me feel so much less alone. It made things easier, I could worry about how you were getting on, rather than thinking about how strange it was for me-’

‘I thought I was in trouble- but you were so kind…..’

(It’s funny, in a sick sort of way, to think that sending her home in disgrace is, in hindsight, the very kindest thing Anna could have done for her then.)

‘I’m glad you thought so.’

‘You said it would get easier....’

‘I did. I was wrong then, I think.’

She gave the tiniest of nods and Anna tightens her hold.

‘It will be easier this time though. I promise.’

‘How do you know?’

‘Because I'm going to take better care of you, this time around.’

She says it so very certainly, as if it’s something she’s been thinking for a while. Kitty pulls away slightly.

‘You don't need to, Anna.’ She doesn’t want to make herself anyone’s duty. All duties, even those taken on willingly, pall over time, she knows. ‘I know what I’m like, but honestly I can take care of myself.’

Anna looks at her oddly. ‘What do you think you’re like?’

It’s the sort of question that was usually a trap- it makes her anxious. It reminds her of conversations with Henry, round and round, trying to escape a snare that she couldn't see coming until she was already inside it.

(‘What did you mean by that? What are you really saying? What does this mean?’ He was always better tuned to picking up the intricacies of what she ‘really meant’ than she was. She usually didn’t even realise that she’d said something grossly offensive- or ungrateful or cruel- until he pointed it out to her.)

‘I’m didn’t mean- I’m sorry- I-’

Oh Kitty’ Anna reaches out a hand and instinctively, she flinches away. It’s just a twitch but she still feels dreadful for it…. She’s sure Anna will be hurt by her lack of trust.

But when she takes Kitty’s face in both of her hands, her dark eyes are full of love. They made the tight bands across her chest loosen slightly.

‘Look at me. I promise I'm not upset with you, liebling. I’m not getting cross. I was just asking because I'd like to know, so that I can reassure you. Ok?’

There’s a moment before she can make herself respond.

‘Ok.’

Anna gives a little nod for her to continue.

‘Ok. I-’ She takes a breath that is only a bit shaky. ‘I’m-’ It’s hard but she makes herself, Anna deserves that much at least. ‘I’m….not a good person. I…. think things. And I say things. And-’ She sucks in a quick gulp of air. Being this honest is hard, she feels as if she’s breaking herself open. ‘And...I’m afraid that over time, you and the others, you’ll start to see things in me, soon, and I’m afraid of that, that you’re maybe seeing them already-’

Anna's thumb brushes away the wetness on her cheek, her face calm. ‘What things, liebling?’

‘That I’m-’ Her voice catches. She’s afraid to list her worst traits to Anna in case it makes her notice them, she’s even more afraid that they won’t come as a surprise ‘That I’m selfish. That I'm….bad. Like earlier- when they said that I was singing for vulnerable girls, that by making my song better, I was supporting them?’

‘Yes’

‘And my thought- my first thought? Was just… that I didn't care.’ She talks faster, she wants to get it over with. ‘That I was too tired to think about that, that I just wanted to get on with things, even if the song wasn't quite right, just so it could be over. And that's- I know that’s terrible but it’s...its how I felt-’

(‘Selfish, selfish girl, selfish girl, you have a cruel soul and a hard heart. What sort of person would think such things? What sort of person wouldn’t sicken at putting herself first in every case, what sort of person could live with themselves?’)

Tears blur Anna's face and she’s glad of it- she doesn’t want to see the shock and rejection that she deserves. The moment stretches like elastic, longer and longer- and then Anna moves and she flinches away again, from the blow that she expects, that she surely deserves this time- and instead, she feels herself being pulled back into the safety of Anna's arms.

‘Oh liebling. Oh Kitty.’

‘Im sorry, I-’

‘Shhhh, it’s alright.’ Anna’s voice is heavy with emotion and it sounds odd. ‘I promise you- Kitty, I promise you, there is nothing wrong with you. Nothing at all. You’re- you’re lovely-’

‘I’m not, I’m-’

Anna talks over her.

‘You’re worn out, of course you wanted it to be over. That doesn't make you selfish, that doesn't make you bad, it makes you normal.’

There's so much sincerity in Anna’s tone that it’s hard, for a moment at least, to disbelieve her.

‘Why don't I feel like it?’

‘Because you’re a good person. Do you think bad people spend time worrying about being good? No.’ Anna doesn’t wait for a response. ‘No, they don’t. But you do. Because you care.’

Anna is waiting for a sign of agreement, and it’s hard but she doesn't have it in her to lie, even to give Anna the reassurance she wants. She shakes her head slowly, feeling the tears come back- (‘You’re just trying to make her feel guilty, to milk more sweet words and reassurance from her. She’ll tire of it, soon enough-’) but Anna doesn't look annoyed, just cuddles her close again, while Kitty grips the back of her shirt.

‘That’s ok. I'll….just keep reminding you until you believe me.’ Anna’s voice holds a smile. ‘I can be very persistent, you know...Remember my battle with Anne over the pillow?’

She does, and it’s enough to shake a weak laugh out of her. Anna chuckles too and moves a hand up to rub her tight shoulders.

‘The others will agree with me, you know.’

Anna says it with conviction but she knows she's wrong somehow. She isn’t sure if she wants to try to convince Anna of it though.

‘I…..I don't know if i want to keep talking about this now-please-’

Anna doesn’t look irritated at her attempt to end the conversation. (It had always infuriated Henry though.)

‘That’s ok, you must be exhausted.’

‘Just a bit...’

Anna detaches slightly to pass her some tissues, and waits silently while Kitty dries her eyes for what feels like the hundredth time. They’re already feeling sore and swollen.

‘Are you ready to go back?’

‘Not really.’

‘Ok.’

‘But we should.’

She knows she’ll have to face them sometime after all.

‘Ok.’

#six #sixfic #six the musical #six fanfiction #six the musical fanfiction

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impalementation · 5 years

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Not sure if you’ve talked about it before because I couldn’t find anything from tags but, what’s your opinion on Faith in each season and her dynamic with Buffy?

I’ve gotten a couple different asks in this vein! Sorry for taking so long to answer them, this response got out of hand. Consider this my official thoughts on Faith. Putting it under a cut because it got long.

I think Faith is a crucial addition to the show. Admittedly, she isn’t someone I spend a ton of time thinking about, but that doesn’t mean she isn’t interesting or important. I like Faith for two reasons: first, for how she affects Buffy, and second, for how she ends up transcending the role of “someone who affects Buffy.”

Regarding the first, a lot’s been said about what a classic foil she is, as well as how she’s an example of doppelgänger-type anxiety. Faith is someone that, simply by existing, makes Buffy conscious (even possessive) about her identity, in ways she’s never been before.

Which is one of the big themes of season three: Buffy’s relationship to identity, especially slaying as an identity, and slaying as a symbol of identity. In Anne Buffy abandons her slayerness, abandons her life and name, and fights a villain that literally takes away its victims’ personhood (“Who are you?” “No one.”). She loses her powers in Helpless. Her slayerness makes her an object of social retribution in Gingerbread, and a hunted animal in Homecoming. In Lovers Walk she toys with the idea that she could leave Sunnydale and have an identity that doesn’t have to do with killing demons.

And then you have Faith, a slayer who is presented as an alternate version of/path for Buffy. When Kendra was introduced, the show didn’t do much to emphasize what she and Buffy had in common; if anything, the show emphasized the ways they were different. Kendra was more rulebound, less social, and had accepted the idea of being a slayer a long time ago. Whereas Faith regularly plays up her and Buffy’s similarities: “We’re slayers, girlfriend. The chosen two.”, “You know it could be you.” Buffy herself admits that “it could be me.” I think it’s pretty deliberate that Buffy in The Wish has a jaded, Faith-like swagger. Or that the season features the concept of alternate-universe selves in general.

(That said. Despite the fact that I don’t see Buffy and Kendra as foils to the degree that Buffy and Faith are, I do think season three features Faith for much the same reason that What’s My Line introduced Kendra: both are about being at a crossroads of identity. Buffy in The Wish is a bit like Kendra too.)

I posted before about how seasons three and four introduce the idea of Buffy making choices about who she wants to be, rather than choices about who lives and dies. And how Faith is central to that. Faith makes Buffy aware of choice by (a) being a slayer, meaning that unlike any other character, she’s under the same constraints that Buffy is, (b) openly having desire for things (food, sex, slaying), © making different choices than Buffy, and (d) tempting Buffy to use her powers non-heroically, whether in the Bad Girls sense, or by forcing Buffy to potentially kill her in Graduation Day. Also, by encroaching upon things that Buffy considers “hers”, like her friends, lovers, or family, Faith clarifies for Buffy that she even considers anything “hers” at all. In other words, she makes Buffy notice both her identity as it is, and her identity as it could be.

But for all that Faith has nice symbolic and dramatic reasons to exist, what I actually really like about the way the show uses Faith is that she becomes a character in her own right. It ties into the show’s existentialist themes in a really effective way. I know, I get tired of myself as soon as I bring up the existentialist stuff, but I don’t think it can be understated how existentialist Buffy is. It’s why Buffy is a vampire slayer specifically, even though most of the time she isn’t even fighting vampires. She’s a vampire slayer because vampires are the opposite of existentialism. They’re nihilism. They’re thieves of agency, identity, and life. By virtue of lacking souls, they are incapable of moral choice. They don’t age, they don’t mature. They’re the opposite of “growing up.” They fill the open-ended eternity of their existence with destruction and death.

(You might point to Spike and Darla as exceptions to this vampire symbolism, but I genuinely don’t think they are. Both characters realize that their vampiric nature causes harm to those they love, and this realization leads both characters to self-destruct. Darla by staking herself, and Spike by getting a soul…which also results in his death a season later. Them achieving the ability to make a true moral choice leads directly to them ceasing to exist as soulless vampires.)

To bring this back to Faith, I see something vampiric in the concept of a doppelgänger or foil, the idea of this empty vessel that takes your identity because they have none of their own. Someone whose identity exists only as a reflection of someone else’s. A grasping, black hole of self.

The problem is, a real person can’t be a foil. That’s a literary construct. In real life, seeing yourself as a reflection or extension of someone else just means that you’re afraid of creating your own identity. Maybe for good, understandable reasons, and maybe not. Who Are You? is one of my favorite episodes because it makes this problem explicit. It turns Faith from an abstract foil figure into someone who literally steals Buffy’s identity, and is shown to not have a solid sense of self. I posted earlier about the similarities between Anne and Who Are You?, but I like those similarities not just because they create thematic continuity around identity-related ideas. I like them because there’s this kind of awful, tragic irony to the fact that even Faith’s identity crisis episode uses pieces from Buffy’s arc.

Speaking of using pieces from Buffy’s arc, I also love the way that Buffy’s role in Who Are You? mirrors Faith’s role in season three. Just as Faith threw Buffy’s identity into relief, Buffy now throws Faith’s identity into relief. Being Buffy frees Faith to act in ways she wouldn’t ordinarily let herself, and being treated as Buffy forces Faith to confront whether she actually does or doesn’t want to be treated in those ways. You might say that by fully confronting the ways that she sees herself in terms of Buffy, Faith is able to start moving beyond it. The episode is basically an exorcism of Faith’s foil-ness.

Unfortunately I can’t speak very well to Faith’s arc on Angel since I haven’t seen most of it. Just Five By Five and parts of Sanctuary. But there are a lot of things I like about Faith’s return in season seven. I love that in her introduction she asks whether she’s “the good slayer now”, and when she and Buffy talk in End of Days she tries to pull a “maybe we couldn’t exist at the same time” thing. Because she’s literally talking about herself like she’s a literary device. But by this point she’s also developed enough that it’s only semi-serious; she’s quick to accept Buffy’s point that no, her choices were her own.

I think it’s perfect that season seven includes Faith, because season seven involves Buffy once again grappling with choice, and what it means for her to be the slayer. I think it’s perfect that Faith gets the opportunity to finally understand Buffy’s loneliness, and that the two of them are able to commiserate about being “hot chicks with superpowers.” Because it’s them finally getting to have their slayerness just be something that they have in common. Instead of this big complicated identity thing. It foreshadows Chosen, and the way that being a slayer goes from being something that isolates Buffy, to something that Buffy can share with people. I also really like the reversal of the fact that in Empty Places Faith isn’t the one who wants to take Buffy’s leadership away from her. She no longer wants to take Buffy’s role or Buffy’s friends. Instead it’s everyone else that is determined to perpetuate the idea that only one of them can be in charge, or that Buffy can be replaced. It fits with the way that the season frames isolation as not just a personal problem, but also a social and systemic problem. Even though Faith has grown past many of her issues, that doesn’t mean that the people around her have, or that the fundamentally, systemically solitary nature of being a slayer has changed. See also: Andrew mythologizing Faith’s background, and Caleb calling her the “Cain to [Buffy’s] Abel.” Of course it would be an avatar of the First that tries to get Faith to see herself as an archetype again.

Other things I like: The fact that Faith reveals to Spike that she was in Buffy’s body, because it’s yet another case of her finally owning up to being herself, instead of a reflection of Buffy. The fact that when the night out goes badly in Empty Places, it’s not because of anything that Faith did (that night), the way it was in Bad Girls. The fact that Buffy hands Faith a blade as an expression of trust in Chosen, a reversal of gutting her with a blade in Graduation Day.

Overall I just think it’s a really cool statement on identity that the character who was introduced to give Buffy identity issues, then has to go on her own search for identity. No one in Buffy is exempt from the project of self-creation, least of all the vampires and the doppelgängers. But it’s especially appropriate that Faith go on that journey because she’s a slayer, and slaying is arguably a metaphor for existential striving. It would be weird if she didn’t grow, really. She’s the rare case of the female redemption arc, especially a redemption arc that doesn’t involve her becoming less violent or sexual (or dead) afterwards. Just less unethical about it. She gets to play that role in a more-or-less gender-neutral way, the same way Buffy gets to be a hero in a more-or-less gender-neutral way. Buffy and Faith both start out as archetypes, and both end up humanized in a way that transcends and complicates those archetypes.

[Your ask didn’t mention Buffy/Faith, but a couple others did, so: as far as Buffy/Faith goes, my feelings are the same as most Buffy pairings, which is that I don’t personally have any investment in it, but I can certainly see the appeal. It sounds like a fun thing to ship. I would’ve been totally on board from a story/character perspective if the show had ever tried to make them non-subtextual. Partly because I’d be on board with anything, as long as it was interesting. But also because I can see it making a lot of storytelling sense, given that Faith’s whole job is to shake up Buffy’s sense of identity.]

#btvs #please clap i spent too long on this #buffy #faith #gen

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fusion-ego · 5 years

Text

So... 2019, huh?

((LONG post ahead!))

This year has really been something, hasn’t it? I had to quit my second job ever because of my back problems (along with other shit lol), I hardly wrote anything all year, and I started in on my Bachelor’s degree. I moved 1600 miles cross-country to Arizona and I’ve been down here for six months now! I had to leave my Markiplier Nudes Calendar™ back in Illinois because I forgot to take it off my wall before I left and it probably got thrown away by the landlord :c, I let my parents borrow a credit card for the move down here and went into debt as a result of almost single-handedly financing the move, had several breakdowns, and despite my best attempts I haven’t been able to get a job yet, but I’m still trying!

A lot of things happened this year.

I turned 20.

I started liking myself again after years of literally hating myself and that quickly advanced to me loving myself again. Turns out I’m pretty cool, even if I am annoying as fuck.

Turns out that having primarily depressive episodes and not having the motivation or desire to take care of myself doesn’t make me any less of a person. It doesn’t make my struggles invalid just because I’m the one not taking care of myself. It turns out, taking care of yourself is fucking hard sometimes, especially if the combined symptoms of your mental and physical ailments put you in a position where everything feels like too much.

It also turns out that taking care of yourself is difficult when you’ve spent your entire life (or at least the parts where you actually had friends) putting all of the wants and needs of your friends and loved ones above your own.

Taking care of yourself is hard when you were raised to be The Strong One, who doesn’t break down and who doesn’t have any issues, thanks. The one who, sure, they haven’t showered in a week and they feel like crap because they haven’t eaten, but you don’t need to know that! You just go eat and take a shower, hun, The Strong One is okay.

It took until this year for me to learn that being The Strong One didn’t mean I couldn’t break down sometimes. It didn’t mean I couldn’t take time for myself and that I had to be available all the time for my friends. Setting boundaries has been a learning experience for me and everyone else in my friend group, I think. I think I’ve cried more this year than I have since I was a kid, and you know what that is? Growth.

And honestly, I’ve really gotta thank my lovely fiance @goreyglitches for some of that. I am petrified of crying when anyone can see or hear me. I was raised to be The Strong One and The Strong One doesn’t cry. I conditioned myself to not be a “crybaby” and to never, ever, ever cry. And I know that’s bad - repressing negative emotions just makes it worse in the long-run. I figured that out with anger and tried to fix it long before I tried to fix the crying issue, and this year? This year Tobi’s helped a lot. I trust him, and I feel safe with him, so when he shuts the door and pulls the covers over us and holds me and tells me it’s okay to cry, I cry. And I am so grateful to him for that I don’t think I even have words.

And @ashencreations has been a wonderful friend this year, as always, even if both of us have been having issues this year. They’ve, I think, been one of the people I vented to the absolute most and they’ve been a real peach about it and even if I don’t have a whole lot of energy to talk sometimes (most of the time) they still love me and are accommodating of my issues. That’s pretty cool! I know a lot of people who can’t talk to people they’ve dated in the past and I have to admit I wouldn’t have been surprised if we fell out this year, but here we are - finishing another year as best friends. They let me have my space and they check in to make sure I’ve eaten and slept and showered. And I try to do the same but my check-ins have been a little lackluster this year while I find my boundaries so oops for that. I’ll try harder next year!

And really, I have to thank everyone who��s stuck with me through this year. My friends and my followers and even just folks who know me because I’m mutuals with someone they’re friends with - all of you. I know this year has sucked and I’ve been really annoying and I’m constantly asking for money, so thank you for sticking around. I’m trying to get back into the old swing of things and I’ve put in about a billion applications and I’m in University, can you believe that? You guys being patient even when I’m annoying has been really helpful. This is especially true of the folks in Lexi’s server who have to see me venting all the time. Y’all are darlings and I’m sorry I keep dragging my shit in there lmao I’ll try not to so much next year.

I’m especially thankful, though, I think, of the people who are still with me after so many years of knowing me. Like Ran and Ness and Zare and Comedy and even Em, even if we don’t talk. I mean, Em probably the most - she knew me when I was such a shithead that it’s kinda laughable now and yet she’s willing to be mutuals with me now. That’s pretty funny. (Hey, Em, guess who’s still trying to figure out how to write that TMNT thing and make it as interesting as the original idea was?) And of course I’ve known Comedy since elementary school but we didn’t really get close until high school and then I dropped off the face of the earth for like a year lol but she’s been a peach the whole time I’ve known her. And Ran’s been around for a while, we’ve known each other long enough that he probably still remembers when I went by Al. And Ness, who doesn’t have tumblr to my knowledge, well I’ve known her since diapers and she’s going to be the Maid of Honor at mine and Tobi’s wedding when we have the money to do a real ceremony - I would have filled that place at her wedding, too, if her sister-in-law wasn’t a needy bitch who had to have that position or she’d pitch a fit and ruin the entire wedding. And like, don’t even get me started on Zare, who was there when I was the worst shithead I’ve ever been and somehow still likes me even all these years later. I introduced myself to this man as Prussia, y’all. I introduced myself to him as a fallen kingdom because it was easier to pronounce than my legal name.

(It may have also been because I was into Hetalia and projected onto the character really hard because of all the “I’m awesome!” and thought it would help me be more confident, and also perhaps because my legal name being mispronounced led to a lot of people knowing me as a different fallen kingdom so it was a haha funny joak to me)

Also, this year, a certain vine-man turned youtube-man made a video that really, really spoke to me. Thomas introducing Remus and having an entire episode about intrusive thoughts and ‘bad’ creativity was - it meant a lot to me. Because since 2018, when I started writing Ego stuff, I haven’t... Well, I used to write a lot of dark stuff, y’all. I wrote violent shit because I wanted to and it was kinda just my Thing™. But after I started writing Ego stuff I started feeling like that was problematic, like it was a bad thing that I wanted to write nasty stuff like that. No one did anything to make me think that! It was just that, well, that kind of violence just... Seemed out of place. I’ve been in the process of writing a 146K+ word, 43 chapter fic containing ritualistic cannibalism, murder, unsafe sex, and various other nasty things since 2017 and I spent a terrifying amount of time feeling... Bad for that last year and this year. I’ve had to re-learn that it’s okay to write nasty stuff (no matter the moral issues other people take with it) because exploring not-so-great things in fic, especially to cope, is one of the many points of writing fic. And I’ll be honest, my dumpster fire fic was something I was writing to get through my associate’s degree because it was a new and terrifying experience and the prominent theme of running away was a feeling I was dealing with in tandem at the time. Remus’ introduction reminded me that dealing with intrusive thoughts and exploring the ‘bad’ creativity doesn’t make me a bad person, it just means I have nasty ideas and even the best people can have those. At least I can turn them into something I’m proud of writing.

So, going forward, I’m not going to shy away from writing my nasty stuff, and in 2020 I’m going to try and finish Trial and Error. I haven’t updated it since August, 2018, guys, it needs a new chapter.

And on that note, I don’t usually make New Years’ Resolutions. I never saw the point in the past and it wasn’t something super encouraged by anyone around me, so it never seemed important. But I’m making a resolution this year.

Over the years and years of writing, I’ve encountered something I think every writer encounters - I stopped writing. Now, I’m not saying I don’t write. Obviously I do, and have been, for a long time. I’m saying I don’t write like I used to. In 2013/2014 I wrote a 36-chapter Sly Cooper fic featuring an OC that still gets hits to this day, and I wrote it over the course of three months. I started it in November 2013 and it was done and put aside by the third of January 2014. It’s still one of my favorites! But the chapters are short, the storyline needs work, I didn’t spellcheck anything or even remotely try to keep my timeline completely straight. It was the first multi-chapter story exceeding 10 chapters that I ever finished. I wrote a chapter a day, as long as I was capable of doing so, I posted it, and I never looked back. It’s not a great story, but it’s one of my favorites. I loved it then and I love it now. And that’s something I don’t do anymore! When a fic doesn’t live up to my expectations, I don’t love it like I love that old fic, which did not at all live up to my expectations. My perfectionism has developed over the years and it has killed my creativity. I can still make cool stuff, can still make things I like, but it’s not the same anymore.

So my resolution is, in 2020, I’m going to write.

I’m going to write like I used to, but I’m going to put all of my experience into it.

I started writing in 2008 or 2009, maybe even before that - if I can recapture the love I had for it then, then I will be in great shape. I didn’t spellcheck back then and frankly I kinda sucked at writing even in 2013/2014, but if I can love writing like I did then and put all of what I’ve learned into it? Holy shit. I mean, I’ve been rewriting that old Sly Cooper fic for the past couple weeks, so it’s not exactly a mystery how much better things will turn out if I pour my much better spelling and grammar, my better ideas, my better commitment, into my fics going forward. All I need to make them great is to love doing it.

So in 2020, I’m going to write.

2019 has been a wild ride, and I’ve written less than half of what I wrote in 2018, not even counting all of my Ego requests for either year. I’ve spent the last three days in a mad dash to reach 100K written this year on AO3 by writing 30K before midnight tonight. I have 5K left! But even breaching 100K I won’t be halfway there. In 2018 I wrote 225.6K on AO3, not counting Ego stuff. And I think that’s because I haven’t loved doing it like I used to - the fact that I’ve loved the fic I started in order to make my “30K by tonight” goal and I haven’t let myself have enough time to agonize over whether it’s “good” or not has a lot of effect on how much I’ve written. My wordcount per hour has, like, doubled because I actually wanted to work. So I’ll reach my goal by tonight and still have time to celebrate at midnight.

So, again, thank you to everyone who’s stuck with me through this crazy year. Things haven’t been great, I’ll be honest, but I’m hoping next year will be better. They’re already off to a good start - my dad and I have a plan for him to start paying me back for how much money we spent moving here, and if I can get a job it’ll only get easier and it’ll only get better. And on top of that me and Tobi have plans to legalize our Marriage™ in September. It won’t be anything big - we’re waiting to have a real ceremony until we have the money to make sure Zare and Ness and Ran can come. But if all goes well, on 9/20/20 we’ll have the legal shit sorted out and Tobi will officially be my husband so that’s just another thing to be looking forward to.

Happy New Year, y’all! Hope you all have a good one. I speak a good 2020 into existence and I won’t stop until I get it.

#happy new year #long post #personal #sort of #new years eve 2019 #new years 2020

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robininthelabyrinth · 5 years

Text

Fic: An Internal Affair - Chapter 20 (Ao3 link)

Fandom: The Flash Pairing: Leonard Snart/Barry Allen

Summary: Leonard Snart, the CCPD Captain of Internal Affairs, is known as Captain Cold for a very good reason: He hates corrupt cops with a merciless vengeance, and once you’re on his list, you’re in serious trouble.

His next target?

A CCPD lab tech named Barry Allen who’s developed a suspicious habit of disappearing at random intervals.

—————————————————————————————————

Ever since Barry became a speedster, he's found that he's able to keep up with things. Events. People.

Real life plot twists?

Except five seconds ago he was dropping Mick and Eddie back at the hospital (just in case), two seconds ago he was running back into STAR Labs desperate to save Len (who loves him?!) but knowing he'd be too late -

And now he and Wells (Eobard Thawne) are standing in the base of the Accelerator, both of them empty-handed and covered in glass shards, staring blankly at each other.

"Did - did you know that she could fly?" Barry asks hesitantly. He doesn't think so - he doesn't think Wells has ever even met Kara - but Wells has been three steps ahead of him this whole time, so...

Wells just shakes his head, still looking blank.

Barry kinda agrees. Like - what? What just happened?

Kara also moved, like, really fast. Like. Speedster fast. She's a speedster? Except she can also fly - and that was definitely flying, not jumping, Kara was totally, like, horizontal there - and, just -

Hold up.

They're both just standing around being shocked. Neither of them is moving, which means whoever starts moving first will have a (brief) advantage over the other.

Barry was definitely losing earlier, and he's pretty sure even with whatever advantage he can get from an early start, he's going to keep losing.

Time for a strategic retreat.

Barry makes a break for it.

Wells only notices, tearing his bemused attention away from the shattered ceiling, when Barry's nearly at the door, and then he gives chase - because of course he gives chase, he's obsessed, he's not going to give up, he's never going to give up - right up until Barry hits the street outside and a pair of arms catches him right under the armpits and up they go.

"This is awesome," Barry says to the greatness of Central City, laid out before him, as he's carted off into the air, legs dangling below him and Wells left behind stewing angrily at STAR Labs.

There's a sigh behind him.

"You know," Kara says into his ear, "I really feel like I expected people to be a little more shocked by this revelation. Possibly more negative. I don’t know. Something."

"I don't think Len actually has any negative feelings about you," Barry says honestly, since that's probably what she was actually worried about. He thinks Kara's awesome, and he's pretty sure the feeling's mutual, but at this stage of their budding friendship they still both worry over Len way more than they think of each other. "And I was shocked! I was totally shocked. There were full minutes of shock. But, y'know, what with me being a speedster -"

"Yeah, yeah, you processed it already. And the boss doesn’t do shock in public, I know. But still!" she says petulantly, and then dives down to a rooftop where Len's already sitting, leaning against the edge, to drop Barry off and hover above them. "Barry, can you stay here and keep the boss company while I go get either his braces or his spare crutches? I feel like the ones he dropped in STAR Labs are probably a total loss."

"I told her to go back to STAR Labs and pick up what I'd left behind," Len says, very solemnly. "And yet for some reason she grabbed you -"

Barry sniggers.

Kara does, too, then punches Len lightly in the arm. "Stop goofing around. I'll be back in five minutes - most of which will be spent digging around that mess you call an apartment."

And then she's gone.

Barry looks at Len, whose legs are splayed out in front of him in a way that suggests that his leg is hurting him and whose face is overly controlled in a way that suggests his side isn't doing him any favors either.

"So," Barry says.

"Yeah," Len says.

"Did you...?"

"Nope. Didn't have a clue."

"Fair," Barry says, because he hadn't either. Of course, he isn't as close to her as Len is, but also he hadn't noticed the Wells thing for ages, so he has no place to talk about noticing things. "You do hate mysteries."

"I also hate applying normal person logic to a situation and ending up with time-travel and superheroes," Len says dryly. "I guess I'll live. Anyway, like I told her, it doesn't really matter, since it doesn't seem to impact her efficiency as a secretary any."

Barry's almost expecting Kara to reappear and yell 'Admin assistant!' at them, but she doesn't. That's probably the point - Len's paranoid (and justly so) enough to want to make sure she's not spying on them.

And, well, Barry agrees. Just because Kara has superpowers doesn't mean that he intends to start treating her any differently. Although –

"Okay, so, one thing," he says. "I feel, like, 90% certain that most of your stories about how you met Kara hinged on her not being in Central during the Accelerator explosion."

"She wasn't," Len says. "She's not a meta, she's an alien."

Barry pauses.

He opens his mouth to say something, realizes he has nothing constructive to say, and closes his mouth again.

He considers the issue for another moment.

And then -

"She's a what?!"

"An alien," Len says, with a wry expression that suggests that he took this little revelation with much more grace externally and approximately the same degree of taken-abacked-ness internally. "Born on a planet called ‘Krypton’, apparently; she and her cousin were schlepped off to Earth because it has a comparable ecosystem to their homeworld, which was in the process of exploding at the time."

"Exploding."

"Apparently."

"I see."

"Yeah."

"And, because she's an alien, she can - fly? And move at speedster speeds?"

"And punch hard enough to move a car," Len says, rubbing his arm. "I'm extrapolating, but it seems reasonable."

Barry considers this.

"...that’s so cool," he finally says.

"Agreed," Len says, unable to keep from grinning.

"So," Barry says, and he doesn't really want to say what he has to say next, but he doesn't feel like he really has a choice. "I guess that means you don't need me, huh?"

Len blinks owlishly at him. "I - don't follow."

"Well, you came to me because you need a speedster to fight Wells - Thawne - whatever, right? And now that you have Kara -"

"You idiot," Len says, but fondly. "I came to you because I wanted an excuse to see you again, not because you were our last hope, Obi-Wan Kenobi."

Of course Len goes there. He wouldn’t be Len if he didn’t think in movie quotes and talk in puns.

"Listen," Len says, his face going serious. "I'm not - I don't - listen, I was right, what you were doing was wrong, and that's definitely not going to magically go away anytime soon. There have to be consequences. But - I should have listened to you.”

Barry stares at him.

Len meets Barry’s eyes. “I should have taken time to understand your perspective and accounted for all the issues surrounding what happened - including the fact that Wells is a master manipulator who deliberately positioned himself to gain your trust as an unquestionable father-figure, and the fact that he used your actual present father-figure to reinforce what he was doing.”

He shakes his head.

“It's not that I don't know how corruption creeps in, tainting everything around it, or even that the CCPD's been drowning in it for so long that it infects the best of us,” he continues, making a face. “I should've thought about that, and I didn't. I didn’t, because I was hurt, and I was hurting, and it felt like you did it at me, when that wasn't the case at all. And that was wrong, too.”

Len reaches out and puts a hand on Barry’s arm. “I should have given you the benefit of the doubt,” he says. “And while I'm not apologizing for the fact that I'm very likely going to have to put you in jail for what you've done, I'm at least sorry for that."

Barry swallows, hard. His heart feels like it's going a million miles an hour, and with his powers, that's actually possible.

He's going to react to Len's explanation in a mature manner befitting the seriousness of the subject, to accept his apology, to thank him for his faith in Barry, to –

"Did you really tell Mick that you were in love with me?" he blurts out instead. "In - in the hospital, I mean, like Wells said."

...damnit.

He's been thinking of little else - yes, he knows, inappropriate in a life-or-death situation but the possibility of Len loving him – the thought of Len dying without ever knowing that Barry loves him back -

Barry ran faster than he ever has before.

But Len didn't die. He's alive, he's here, and Barry has to know the truth.

Len pauses for a long moment.

"Please, Len," Barry says. "It's important."

Len's throat works. "Yes," he says. "I did. I - still do."

Barry -

Barry needs to sit down.

The space right next to Len is wide open, so he sits there. It’s a perfect fit.

He somehow thought it would be.

"I understand if it's - unwanted," Len is saying, because Kara is right; he is an idiot. Barry's in love with a total idiot, and he couldn't be happier about it. "Setting the cops on your family, your friends, in quite such a manner -"

"Len," Barry interrupts. "I love you, too."

And then he kisses him.

It takes a second for what Barry said to sink in, but then Len's kissing him back and his hands are in Barry's hair and Barry's hands are on Len's shoulders and –

Kara clears her throat.

Barry yelps and scrambles off of Len's lap. He isn't sure when he got on Len's lap, actually, and now that he thinks about it, it probably wasn't doing any good for Len's leg and side –

Kara's standing right behind them, laughing and holding Len's crutches in one hand and his leg and back braces in the other. They're pretty unwieldy, but she holds them as if they weigh nothing - seems Len was probably right about the super-strength.

She grins at both of them. "Sorry, am I interrupting something?"

"You support this," Len tells Kara crossly. "I know you do. Why're you interfering now?"

"No, no, don't get me wrong, I'm delighted," she says. "It's about time! You two are so good together!"

"Then go fly around the block for another few minutes!"

Kara giggles. "Oh, trust me. I would. But..."

Her smile fades, replaced with a serious look.

"But?" Len prompts.

"The riots have started."

"Crap," Len says, all levity gone. "Iris West doesn't leave dust in her tracks when she puts her mind to it. The news must've gone out."

"Oh yeah," Kara says. "Whatever wasn't on the evening news - all the evening news, local editions, newspapers, television, radio, the lot - has gone around the more informal channels. The cardboard brigade's actually affirmatively telling people, do you know that? They never do that."

"No one in Central likes the Families," Barry mutters. "God, people are going to go crazy."

"People are going crazy," Kara corrects. "All the set-up we've done is helping keep it somewhat contained, but - yeah. The Families are going to have a hell of a time sewing up their deal with this mess in the streets. No way our people get it cleaned up by Election Day."

"Not our people, no," Len says. "But the Feds are coming in tomorrow - and by now, cover story or no, the Families will know about it. There's going to be war tomorrow - now that they know secrecy isn't an option, the Families are going to tug on every string they've ever had, call in every debt, and they're going to try to force this deal down all our throats whether we know about it or not."

"The riots will get national attention," Barry says. "That should help get us more back-up, right? National Guard or something. But whether they'll be in time, I don't know - especially since we've lost so many cops to corruption already, and are probably only going to lose more. There's a chance we'll be overwhelmed. Besides, we still haven't solved the problem of what to do about Wells, who's probably capable of taking down an army or two on his own. What do we do now?"

Len doesn't say anything.

Barry glances at him and sees that he's staring out across the city.

Their city - their beautiful, corrupt, misled Central City, which has the potential to be so much more than it is.

Not unlike all of them, really.

"Len?" he prompts.

"I think the boss has an idea," Kara says. "That's his 'I have an idea' face. I hate the 'I have an idea' face."

"Because it's usually a bad idea?"

"Oh, no, it usually works out. It's just going to be absolutely nuts."

"You're not wrong," Len says, still looking out at the city. "Davners, Barry – I know you’ve been using your powers, but where we’re going, I don’t want you to use them, no matter what the incentive. It's too risky, especially with rotten military scientists in the area.”

“Where we’re going?” Barry echoes.

“Yeah,” Len says. “Kara, can we make our way to the governor's mansion from here on foot?"

"Through the riots?" Kara says doubtfully. "I mean, we could, if we don't mind being shoved around a bit, and with Barry and me making sure no one trips your crutches up, yeah. But why the governor's mansion?"

"That's where the ‘absolutely nuts’ idea comes into play," Len says dryly. "Barry, call Singh, tell him where we're going and our likely route; we need him to meet us there. Now enough talking - let's go."

Going through a crowd of angry rioters without using his powers is basically every bit as bad as Barry would have imagined it to be, which is to say, not unlike Central City mall during the worst ravages of Christmas shopping, only with more chanting and more anger and a lot more people holding sticks to hit things with out of sheer irrepressible rage.

They’re all talking about the Families.

Oh, yes, everyone’s always known about the Families, but no one knew how deep it went. No one knew that everything they trusted to hold back the dark was actually aiding and abetting it.

“The governor’s mansion?!” Singh exclaims into the phone when Barry calls him. “That’ll be a job and a half. Tell Snart he’d better have a damn good plan – the only reason most of my men are at work right now is because I haven’t let them leave. And when they go, a bunch of them aren’t coming back, and it won’t be because they’re cowards.”

Singh doesn’t need to actually say that it’ll be because they’re on the opposite side.

“We’re bleeding morale like crazy,” Singh continues. “At a minimum, Snart’s riots are doing a good job making sure no one leaves Central – we have barricades on all the major highways, but they’ve been reinforced by all the abandoned cars left behind by pissed-off people – but it’s a complete mess.”

“Len has an idea,” Barry repeats, since he can’t give out any details of a plan he doesn’t know the details of. Possibly that’s intentional on Len’s part. “And we have a few, uh, surprises up our sleeve.”

“You remember that I already know about your so-called ‘running hobby’, right?” Singh asks skeptically.

“Yeah, I know, I meant in addition to that.”

“Christ. You know what, don’t tell me, I don’t want to know. Tell Snart I’ll be there.”

Barry hangs up and ducks as someone waves a stick – no, an umbrella – over his head.

“Seriously, dude?” he demands.

“Sorry,” the guy says, looking sheepish. “It was the first thing I could find. Hey, a bunch of us are going to go down to trash the restaurant down on Camillo Street, the one everyone knows is a Family front, you wanna come with?”

“He can’t,” Len interjects. “We’ve got other plans. But remember that the cooks are probably victims too – keep your aim to the blood-bonded Family assholes.”

“Good point,” the guy says agreeably, then raises his umbrella to charge onwards down a side street, accompanied by a small mob of people.

Barry hopes the guy really does keep it in mind.

He shares worried glances with Kara and then they both realize that Len's managed to get ahead of them again and rush (at regular speed) to catch up.

Len might not be a speedster, but he has a way of eeling his way through the smallest possible gaps in a crowd - even with his crutches! - that lets him keep moving at an accelerated forward pace that Barry and Kara have trouble keeping up with.

Especially with the way people tend to cut right in front of them and then slow down. It's enough to drive a man to consider punching people.

Seriously, Barry's been trying not to use his powers for less than fifteen minutes and he already misses it. He can tell from Kara's expression that she, too, would love nothing more than to just leap into the sky right now.

Damnit, Len just darted through another gap and now there's a whole parade between them. How is he doing that?!

This time, though, when Barry and Kara catch up, Len's actually stopped, even though they're less than two blocks away from their destination. Barry can even see Singh in the distance, directing his cops to help funnel the people onto the side streets so as to thin the crowds a bit.

But no, Len's stopped to talk to some guy - an older man, shorter than Len, given to fat and with a nasty expression. He's not marked as a blood-bound Family guy, no tattoos that Barry can see, but Barry's willing to bet he's no good.

One of Len's underworld contacts, maybe?

Barry gets close just in time to hear the stranger saying, "- major opportunity here. With your help, I can -"

"Are you fucking kidding me," Len says flatly.

"Don't you use that tone on me, son," the man warns, scowling. "I know I taught you better -"

"My city is literally on fire," Len snarls. "The Families are going to destroy everything. And all you care about is lining your pockets - no," he adds when the guy steps forward, a threatening look in his eyes. "No, no, no, no. I don't have fucking time for this. No fucking time, no fucking bandwidth, just no." Then he raises his voice. "Officer!"

"What the hell are you doing?" the man hisses.

"What I oughta've done years ago," Len says. "You're under arrest."

"I'm what?"

"Under arrest," Len says. "For criminal conspiracy to commit a robbery and for attempting to solicit a policeman to join -"

"A policeman?!"

"Didn't I mention? Oh, good, Officer Gonzales -" This is one of Singh's guys who heard Len's shout and came running over. "- do me a favor and Miranda this asshole before sticking him down some sort of hole? I can't deal with him right now. Just get him outta my way."

Officer Gonzales blinks, then shrugs. He's a big guy, taller than Len and twice the width, built like a linebacker; Barry's always ascribed the man's easy-going nature to the fact that he’s probably never met anything that could effectively stop him. "Sure, boss."

"You can't do this!" the other guy shouts at Len.

"Just did," Len says, and off he goes again, straight into the crowd.

Kara and Barry exchange exasperated looks and run after him.

"Hey, who was that guy, anyway?" Barry asks, deciding a light jog is the only way he's going to keep up with the amazing forward momentum machine that is Leonard Snart on crutches.

"My dad," Len says shortly.

"Your dad?!" Kara yelps.

"Yep."

"Hold up," Barry says, alarmed. "The one who -"

"Yep."

"Including that time with the bomb in Lisa’s head?" Kara demands.

"That's the guy."

Kara and Barry don't even need to glance at each other to coordinate; they just both spin around immediately to start stalking back towards the man now revealed to be Lewis Fucking Snart, as Barry privately calls him in his head. After some of the stories that Len's told, not to mention this apparent 'bomb in Lisa’s head' business that Barry is totally going to get Kara to explain later, there is no way they are going to let this guy get away with –

"Get back here!" Len yells. "Morons! Both of you! We're almost there!"

Barry groans. Kara does, too.

But they go back.

Protecting Len from current danger takes precedence over getting revenge for past injuries, no matter how grievous.

...barely.

They manage to get into the governor's mansion on account of Len and Singh both flashing their badges and shouting; apparently the governor's security is convinced that no one would have the balls to fake two police captain IDs.

(Also, their not-so-quiet comments of "Is that Captain Cold?!" suggest that Len's nickname is, as Wells predicted, about to become both permanent and widespread.)

Once they get upstairs, it turns out Mick and Iris and Eddie are already there. Even Cisco and Caitlin are there.

"What the hell are you doing here?" Len demands, his eyes fixed on Mick and Eddie. "You were just kidnapped -"

"I sent them ahead," Singh tells him. "They were mostly just dehydrated. Even your, uh -"

"Partner," Mick says, with a testy tone that suggests this isn't the first time he's said it.

Barry doesn't really care, though, because Mick saying that has caused the biggest grin Barry's ever seen on Len's face, and he'd be willing to fight someone to keep it there.

"Well, boss?" Mick says. "Captain Oinks here said something about you having a plan."

Now it's Singh's turn to look testy.

"Glad you're making friends," Len tells Mick, still grinning. "Where's the governor?"

"Through the doors," Iris says. "Along with the Police Commissioner."

"The Commissioner?" Barry asks, alarmed. "Is he..?"

"Currently claiming ignorance," Eddie says dryly. "We're currently pretending to believe him."

"Innocent until proven guilty," Len says, like the world's biggest hypocrite ever, and then he's off again, heading towards the doors. "Besides, we might need him."

That sounds more like Len.

The governor is pacing a hole in her rug, and the Commissioner looks like he's bitten into something unpleasant.

"Governor Kinsley," Len says. "Nice to make your acquaintance."

"You're Snart?" the governor demands. "The one who uncovered this mess?"

"That'd be me."

"Good for you," she says. "Now how do we get out of it? I've lost a quarter of my security staff - and good riddance!"

"They tried to kidnap her," Commissioner Goddard says. He's got some dried blood on his suit, suggesting he might’ve helped stop that attempt personally. "Mayor Bellows's orders - he's gone all the way over."

"Over some adultery?!" Barry exclaims. "Seriously?"

"I think it’s more that he puts the odds on the Families winning," Governor Kinsley says. "And to be perfectly honest I don't blame him."

"I've already called in the Feds," Len says. "They'll be porting in every available hand they have available tomorrow, and they won't have as many corrupt in their ranks."

"I've called the National Guard in as well," the governor agrees. "But it won't help us in the short term - General Eiling scattered them all earlier this week. Training exercises." She sneers. "Because he's in on it too, of course."

"Glad you're taking this personally," Len says. "Because you really ain't gonna like my next suggestion."

"And this is where he goes off the rails, with the rest of us behind him," Kara mutters.

Mick nudges her in the side and offers his hand for a fist-bump, which she returns.

"I'm willing to listen to any suggestion at this point," Governor Kinsley says, scowling. "The Families have been building this for months; we've had under twenty-four hours to react. They're not going to stop with the kidnapping attempts, either, and I have kids."

"The rest of the country has no idea what's going on here," Goddard agrees. "Nor will they care how it gets pacified - whether it's because the Families win or lose."

"Agreed," Len says. "And that's why we need an amnesty."

"A what?!"

Barry can't blame her. Where did that idea come from?!

"Amnesty," Len says. "Forgiveness for crimes caused by the Families in the lead up to this event - not all crimes, obviously, just stuff they can show they were manipulated into in the set up for this. No, don't look at me like that, I hate the idea too, but it's necessary. The Families' biggest weapon is people's fear of the law - an amnesty'll cut off the ones who ain't really corrupt, just dumb and used to taking shortcuts and now getting pushed around by the Families because of it."

"The ones who feel they have no choice," Barry says, understanding. "The ones who are being blackmailed - the regular people, the police, everyone - they think their choice is between the Families and prison, if they stay on our side. If we change what's on our side -"

"We eliminate the effect of the blackmail," Iris breathes. "And then they can come back - or refuse to go over."

"We'd probably stop bleeding police," Singh observes neutrally. "They were hardest hit, on purpose. I'm barely keeping my precinct together, and I don't know how the others are faring."

"Fine," Governor Kinsley snaps, her mouth twisted angrily. "You're right, I don't like it, but I see your point. But you -" And here she jabs her finger at Commissioner Goddard, the man who had prior to all of this been helping the mayor in the primary against her tomorrow in exchange for getting the mayor’s help with his own run. "- are going to sign on whole-heartedly, you hear me? I'm going to be doing this on your express recommendation that this is the only way to stop the ongoing threat."

Goddard scowls, but they've got him on the spot: he hasn't suggested that he can keep his police in line any other way, and to do anything other than his utmost to help stop the ongoing disaster could be read as suggesting a certain corruptibility that it is now in very bad fashion.

Len is smirking.

Of course he is.

"Fine," Goddard finally barks. "I'll sign. But only crimes deliberately orchestrated by the Families, y'hear? We're not granting amnesty to every two-bit pickpocket that stole something in the last year."

"Of course," Len says soothingly, or as soothingly as he can while also gloating. "Just the stuff from the last few months, yeah? When they were building up to this. Only the stuff that happened because of the Families, not in spite of."

"Fine," Goddard says through gritted teeth, glaring at Len. "Singh, I'm putting you in charge -" He says that like he thinks he's putting one over on Len, who pretends to look annoyed about it when Barry knows quite well that he didn't ever want to be in charge. Singh mostly looks long-suffering about it. "- and I want us coordinating with the FBI and anyone else who can help. Let's squash this little Family gambit like a bug."

He stomps off to where Governor Kinsley is already waiting with a swarm of lawyers, ready to retreat to her office to process (create) the necessary paperwork.

"All right," Singh says the second they're gone. "The second that amnesty's signed, we're going to publicize the living daylights out of it and get as many people reassurance as possible - not to mention heavily implying that the Families only got so far into the government and police through their blackmail schemes -"

"That's not really true, though," Iris objects. "Not at the top -"

"I don't care if it is true, it's going to have to become true," Singh says. "The riots need to be stopped. It's already going to be cop-versus-cop warfare out there; we need the regular people to believe something made this an aberration, or else they're just going to destroy everything in an absolute frenzy of terror and rage. We'll never be able to rebuild their trust in the system if this isn't an exception to the rule. You hear me?"

"I hear you," she grumbles, then brightens. "Wait, does that mean my dad's being let out of the holding cells?"

"Yes," Singh says. "We need all the good men we can get."

Wait - Joe's being released? Because they need people, sure, but -

"Given the existence of the amnesty, I'm willing to drop the charges against him," Len says. "Don't get me wrong, he still needs a million hours of remedial ethics - probably everyone does - but what he and his lot did seems to fall under 'manipulated by the Families'."

Manipulated by Wells.

And if Joe's free under the amnesty, then that means - Cisco, and Caitlin, and -

And Barry.

He's going to be able to keep his job.

And not through some corrupt deal that's going to hang over his head the rest of his life, no, but through a (mostly) legitimate amnesty, signed by the governor herself.

(Boy, is Barry glad he never did anything to try to take any of the metas over state lines - that'd make it a federal crime, which is most certainly not going to be covered by a state amnesty.)

Barry is seriously considering kissing Len right now, even though he knows Len would've never done it if it were just for him.

"There's one more thing," Eddie says.

Everyone looks at him.

"Eobard's still out there," he says.

Everyone continues looking at him, a little blankly.

"Wells," Mick clarifies. "Evil speedster. Real name Eobard, remember?"

"Oh, right," Barry says.

"Oh, yes, him," Kara says, pinking up a little. Probably because she forgot about him for a second there.

"The Reverse Flash," Cisco says.

"But I - er, that is, I don't think the Flash can stop him," Barry says, painfully aware that they're not alone. "He's not fast enough."

"Then we'll just have to stop him some other way," Eddie says. "Listen, there's an option -"

"We are not Back to the Future-ing him and that's final, Thawne," Singh says. "Do I need to put you on suicide watch? I will, just watch me. I've split off a portion of my forces just to protect Iron Heights and the courthouse cells; I won't hesitate to split some off for you."

"Yeah, that's a terrible idea," Barry says, alarmed by the very thought. He likes Eddie! Iris likes Eddie! Besides, yes, Wells-Eobard said that he needed Eddie to stay alive, but - "Besides, he totally could've been lying. Like 90% of what he said doesn't make any sense in a time paradox sort of way anyway, so who's to say that this would work? And even if it does, who knows how long it'd take to kick in?"

"Yeah, bad plan," Len agrees. "Scrap it. Now, I don't have my cold gun -"

"You don't?"

"It's still in STAR Labs where I dropped it while being thrown across the room," Len says dryly. "And that's assuming Wells - yeah, I'm going with Wells, Eobard's a dumb name anyway - assuming Wells didn't break it into bits the second after we escaped, that is."

"I still have my present," Mick volunteers, tapping a black-and-red gun strapped onto his thigh. "That'll help."

"We still don't know where to find him," Iris points out. "He's probably not just sitting around in STAR Labs while the city's on fire - he's associated with the Families, isn't he?"

"Sort of," Eddie says. "As far as we can tell, he worked for them as an assassin in exchange for getting all sorts of illegal parts for STAR Labs when he was building it, to make construction happen faster; that's how he said it started when I asked him...don't look at me like that! I was trapped with him for hours and he likes to boast. That's how it started. He'd also been working with Eiling on something - Project Grodd or something, I don't know - around the same time, so he got the idea of putting them together."

"But why?" Iris asks. "Just to get STAR Labs built that little bit faster?"

"That," Mick says, "and 'cause he thinks of himself as a very important sorta guy. He likes being a mover and a shaker, likes being descended from movers and shakers, and he figured a nice little investment in Family power now would pay dividends for generations of Thawnes. No offense."

"None taken," Eddie says wryly. "If I ever have kids, I'm encouraging them to take up anything but politics. Maybe art. Or figure skating."

"My sister's a figure skater," Len remarks. "Bloodthirsty sport. Like hockey, just more spins."

"...maybe not figure skating, then."

"You could also just take my name," Iris says, hiding a smile. "No more 'Thawnes' then."

Eddie beams at her.

"Getting back to the actual subject at hand," Singh cuts in. "I don't have the manpower to deal with the riots and fight this guy as well. Snart, can you and your task force at least try to handle him?"

"We've got it," Len assures him.

"We don't even know where he is!" Kara exclaims.

"That," Len says, "ain't gonna be a problem."

-----------------------

A/N: I'm not saying I won't write the AU where Barry gets stuck in house arrest that you all seem to want, but maybe another time :)

#coldflash #leonard snart #barry allen #mick rory #iris west #kara danvers #eddie thawne #david singh #my fic #an internal affair

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gg-astrology · 6 years

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I'm pretty sure you're still doing these but libra sun/virgo moon? I checked your masterpost and it said to please request this placement so here I am lol

Hey there!!! 💞💞💞💞 yessss perfect I’ll do this now thank u for requesting!! 💞💞💞

[Below Cut: Libra Sun - Virgo Moon 🍢]

SMART but like subtle and sometimes a simplier unconventional kind of smart y know?

Clever would be a better world, these people are clever clever alecs

First of all Witty and BanterFULL!! You might often identify yourself through your quick witted-ness banter with others, intellectual stimulation is how u keep it 💯 with people around you!

When you can be honest, speak your truths say what you mean straight-forwardly it means you trust them to an extent (because you’re usually v aware/senses people’s comfortability level with you and that Matters to you)

Combine that with joking/having a sense of humour that’s compatible to yours ---you Know those who can take/handle it are Keepers 💯 for u!

It’s in the MIND that’s important, social relationship is important yes and with the Libra/Virgo combination-- sometimes you’re really bashful of compliments, or direct/heavy praises because both these signs are light-weight (air/mercury) and you also tend to think of yourself as y know, just being a good person/friend and lending an ear to someone.

Even when you don’t have to (so nice) you do kind of want to be low-key rewarded with people having a good impression of you, of being well-liked enough that you don’t have to approach someone, but they approach you instead (Libra/Virgo) of having a good social standing and presentation (Libra) -- that’s why you do your best to be kind, pleasant, cordial.

Common sense and judgement combined makes for someone who’s supportive of others, lenient but also no-nonsense (controlling occasionally, wants the best for others, brings up valid points) look out/take care of others subtlety in your own ways.

You’re kind but also you’re protective of that kindness-- that it could be taken advantage of by certain people at certain time if you’re ‘weak’ or give into obsession with something/someone too much.

Your Virgo Moon is logical and rational, combine that with Libra’s astuteness makes for someone who can be polite usually, level-headed and sometimes even professional ‘cold’ when you want to be (not like, overt aggression even though you may vent inside)

Your environment is a big deal considering your Virgo placement-- it’s kind of like an amplifier for Libra. If there’s tension in your environment, if anything is in disarray, if something catches your eyes or your environment isn’t up to your standard/preference--- your perfectionist streak comes out and you start obsessing over it because your Libra cannOT handle this (amped up by Virgo making it y know-- clonk in your mind until your Libra has to deal with it NOW instead of later)

Also,, you Do Not Get Emotionally Vulnerable About your Deepest Darkest Personal Fear About Another Person Ever

Things like feeling cheap, used, feeling like you’re not worth much. Feeling like you’re disposable or not valuable enough for others to see worth in/worth keeping.

These fear of ‘possibilities/future’ that has to do with yourself (and low key your self-worth with another person) is Never Going To See the Light with those around you.

Intimacy is the thing?? Like you may be scared of unequal relationship. With Libra/Virgo person there’s a certain degree of independence and Knowing You’re the Shit because you CAN Control it (which is why you pull your energy into manifestation in work, in yourself, in keeping yourself contained --- demand respect, rationalize why you deserve it. Know how others/yourself should be treated because of distance/tact/personal diplomacy that you have.)

---But when it comes to others?? And how they think/feel/treat you?? Yikes sometimes you fear that they might treat you wrong, abuse or mistreat you. And it’s that cautious and highly critical part of Virgo moon (imagination vs practicality) that makes you kind of afraid that things you can’t control (others) is going to hurt you if you give it too much power/surrender yourself to it

It’s not a big deal in everyday life, but long-term wise it’s important to figure out your own fears. Libra sun would absolutely REFUSE to acknowledge their own emotional need for others (aka their love/want for romantic intimacy and their fantasies for them) and your Virgo Moon enables that. You’re creating a system that’s sabotaging your goals/wants/needs to ‘settle for something more realistic/less personal’ even though you want romance?? You want all the good gooey shit you just?? Don’t want to acknowledge or work for it??? (and can sometimes overdo your niceness to make up for it, or let your timidity makes you reserved or cold towards others even though you want to stand up and show them who you are, feel valued and desired)

Virgo Moon in their everyday life sort through things and goes ‘this is unproductive?? what can i/am i going to do about it??' -- nothing you can change, or work on, so keep it out of sight and out of mind. You toss out the thought and work on the now but its STILL a part of your motivation, your anxiety, why you put your energy into other things so hard and much. Because THIS tension inside of you ISN’T released y know?

It’s MUTABLE so you’re always going to be nervous, slightly anxious about it. You need need want but you’re afraid (and low-key lazy) at sorting through your personal wants/needs desires and putting your foot down to do it.

Self-discipline is important, learning to look and acknowledge. To come to terms with true self-love and not self-sabotage is important for you.

You’re afraid of acknowledging and getting what you finally want, because most of the time you procrastinate or put off long-term life-changing manifestation because you don’t want to ‘commit’

Be good to yourself, treat yourself well. Buckle down sometimes and learn how to --- y know, express yourself fully and vulnerably.

Talk to someone who can give you a listen, who can wait for you to finally admit your true desires out loud and let you work through it yourself.

With your combination, it’s just a matter of self-admittance that’s hard. You don’t really need anyone to come along and tell you what you want/need, you intuitively know what it is you’re just afraid to say it into existence because it makes things ‘real’.

Get to talking-- it’s how your Moon works. What your Virgo needs is jus a little self-discipline because Libra in your sun (ego) can make you delude yourself into thinking you can wait around longer or not talk about it. It’s important that you learn how to make your Virgo speak up, get some clarity. Because you’re always going to want to please others somewhat and it BOTHERS you and this is the way to?? actually get to resolving it. You just have a problem with confrontation in yourself (and thus, lack of self-assertion as the consequence of it)

Once you start talking, even though it’ll take time (earth moon) you’ll slowly uncover parts of yourself and become stronger through realizing your vulnerabilities isn’t something that is bad at all (or as serious as you think, rather it’s normal and a shared experience other people also feel as well!)

You’ll learn how to use it to strengthen you and work through it healthily, instead of avoiding the problem which you tend to do!

Let me put it this way? Some Libras (you) have a hard time understanding because your emotions runs deep/heavy and you’re kinda low-key terrified you’re gonna scare people off ??

That’s why you never talk about shit unless you can ‘sense’ that the other person is receptive or open to it, heavy stuff drains you so you never really try as much to keep it going (once in a while). Your emotionality is kinda dried up sometimes, not your anxiety but your actual vulnerabilities.

Sometimes you may like to keep it cool--- keep it contained and smoothened out on the surface. Problems?? Nah maybe This and This but NEVER That haha ;; -- letting others in or know your problem is hard. But the key lesson here is to communicate.

Combine Virgo-- a nocturnal mercury sign-- with Libra’s venusian/social relationship trait. Utilize Libra’s cardinal nature to make it happen for you!

In order to do that you have to communicate first. Bring the self out so others can catch you and be there with you (emotionally)

Being able to feel like you belong, as part of a group/community and that your fears/feelings are validated is important. Becoming truly emotionally empathetic to others because your own hurt/pain/secret is out in the light now is important for your growth/self-development too!

It’s the way your practical nature and good-head-on-the-shoulder Libra/Virgo nature can shine honestly and freely (without the stress/tension you carry prior). It becomes more open and honest, more willing to learn. Release?? Tension within yourself??

Because what you were doing before is keeping it in?? Keeping it contained and that’s self-protection ok but ALSO burdening/heavy on you. Learn to trust others to carry your weight this way too.

Phew anyways!!💓💓💓 I hope this is helpful!! 💓💓 Good luck!! 💓💓💓

#libra sun #virgo moon #libra-virgo #anon #asks

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kariachi · 6 years

Text

Okay, so, it’s 4 am and I’ve been watching vids on why Voltron ended up the way it did and queerbaiting and all sorts of stuff like that so I am In The Mood To Bitch, so I’m talking about shit

I have not seen Kevin in the reboot and I love my boy but what I have heard does not encourage me? And I know that a chunk of that is on me but also just, throw me some fucking bones here MOA pls I am weak?

Like, Kevin built his own Omnitrix! Yay! Awesome I love when Kevin’s skill as an engineer is brought into focus as well as the fact that he is actually really fucking brilliant (UAF had this tendency to portray him as the stupid member of the team which was really shit because none of them were the stupid member they were all incredibly bright just about entirely different things and I can go on for days but that is not tonight’s topic, maybe later when I’ve actually slept I can talk about how UAF did everyone dirty on that one). But then apparently some dream drove him to build it? Which wouldn’t be too bad except there’s a common trope where characters who aren’t capable of something having the knowledge implanted into them by a third party via dreams and such and while it works we also have such a history due to other works in the franchise of downplaying Kevin’s intelligence that it rubs me the wrong way? Like, I had a theory before the episode that he may have stolen somebody elses plans and used them and I honestly feel like that would’ve worked better just, for me, because then there wouldn’t be any question that he was intelligent enough to do this? Like, even if he couldn’t design the thing himself he was smart enough to look at the plans and figure them out and put it together, and with the propensity of that trope we just don’t have that assurance right now with the reboot, it doesn’t seem?

And also- Okay, this next bit y’all need to understand some shit I’ve mentioned before and am mentioning again-

I am a mentally ill person with trauma relating to abuse and bullying who has experience with being a social outsider for various reasons including being queer and whose mental illnesses present with things like grudge-keeping, spite, aggressive tendencies, self-loathing, distrust, self-sabotage, and who has a degree of moral iffy-ness they constantly have to work against that they learned from the toxic influences in their life.

So, needless to say, I’m a bit of a fan of Kevin, a blatantly mentally ill character with trauma relating to abuse and bullying who is blatantly labelled a social outsider due to his powers and whose mental illness presents in many of the same ways mine do.

So you can see how having him be a straight up bully may be a bit of an issue for me.

And it’s not like I’m against the idea that he’s ever engaged in bullying- I know how easy it is to fall into that trap, I have myself, it wasn’t pretty and I’m not proud of it- but having him apparently have bullied Ben for years? When even the reboot has already set up characters to fill that role via bringing back Cash and JT just... I know there’s other people who love it, or feel it’s more accurate to the character, or whatever, but for me, personally, it’s just really uncomfortable? Especially since they removed his powers and therefor that solid showing of him as a social outsider? Like, they took a character that I really relate to (which is why I write him so much and make him so queer and give him some of my disabilities) and make him, basically the opposite of the sort’ve character I’m comfortable watching?

And maybe it’s not made a big deal of and gets left behind by the show, I hope it does, but for me personally it’s a problem?

Also apparently he has a home which, I’m not sure how I feel about that? Like, I’m happy he has one of course we’ve all wanted a happy home for him (except for the people who haven’t but I’ve also noticed that a lot of the time those people seem to be the sort that go “you can’t have a version of that character who’s not abused it removes the whole point of their existence they may as well not be there at all”) but really what we wanted was either 1) a happy home for him (which, might not be the case given he’s apparently a lifelong bully? but who the fuck knows?) or 2) to see what his family situation is like since nothing we get outside of his premiere episode is reliable as of OV, which we apparently are getting nothing of. We just, have nothing. And I’m not sure how I feel about that yet.

None of this is to say that I don’t wanna see his episodes. He’s my baby, I want to see him, and what I’ve seen about his aliens is so cool (apparently his answer to Grey Matter is just a fucking horror movie monster of a thing? yes please that is all my aesthetic!), but some of what we’ve got just makes me uncomfortable and I want to trust MoA but also I’ve been burned so many times before, even when we just look at Kevin stuff, that I’m really wary?

I don’t know, just, I want to love the reboot version of Kevin so bad but I don’t know that I will and if I don’t it will be a fucking crime because holy shit if I like the reboot version of Mike better than the reboot version of Kevin then they will need to give me so damn much to make up for that.

Like, Argit, Cooper, and explicit queer puppy love levels of shit.

I mean it MoA, I am holding your heteronormative and Argit-free show options hostage right now.

#ben 10 2.os #reboot kevin levin #i love my son let me love my son i'm begging #ben 10 analysis #also very much a rant but there's analysis in there

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itmighthavebeenintentional · 4 years

Text

Walk Me Home - Ch 4

Word Count: 2702

Author’s Note: Mega thanks to @mskathywriteswords , @fangirlxwritesx67, and @cracksinthewalls for editing, revision, flailing, and generally knocking sense into me when I’m being stubborn. You all made this story way better than it started it, and I love you. Thanks to everyone who read/reblogged/liked the first chapter. I hope you enjoy the story as much as I do.

@thoughtslikeaminefield , I hope you still love this as much as the first time you read it. I know I do.

Keep in Mind: There are a lot of flashbacks. I tried to write current events in present tense and flashbacks in past tense. Here’s hoping I got everything right!

Please read/heed the warnings. 18+ ONLY.

In Case You Missed It: Ch 1 | Ch 2 | Ch 3 ItMightHaveBeenIntentional’s Masterlist