#truly what every character actor should aspire to

[secondstar-acorn]

joe walker is one of the most talented actors on the planet btw

[runningdownthatroad]

I can't even...

"Why did Depp, who had already lost a similar case in Britain, insist on going back to court? A public trial, during which allegations of physical, sexual, emotional and substance abuse against him were sure to be repeated, couldn’t be counted on to restore his reputation. Heard, his ex-wife, was counting on the opposite: that the world would hear, in detail, about the physical torments that led her to describe herself, in the Washington Post op-ed that led to the suit, as “a public figure representing domestic abuse.”

Even before the verdict came in, Depp had already won. What had looked to many like a clear-cut case of domestic violence had devolved into a “both sides” melodrama. The fact that Heard’s partial victory, which involved not Depp’s words but those spoken in 2020 by Adam Waldman, his lawyer at the time, can be spun in that direction shows how such ambiguity served Depp all along. As one commenter on The New York Times site put it, “Every relationship has its troubles.” Life is complicated. Maybe they were both abusive. Who really knows what happened? The convention of courtroom journalism is to make a scruple of indeterminacy. And so we found ourselves in the familiar land of he said/she said.

We should know by now that the symmetry implied by that phrase is an ideological fiction, that women who are victims of domestic violence and sexual assault have a much harder time being listened to than their assailants. I don’t mean that women always tell the truth, that men are always guilty as charged, or that due process isn’t the bedrock of justice. But Depp-Heard wasn’t a criminal trial; it was a civil action intended to measure the reputational harm each one claimed the other had done. Which means that it rested less on facts than on sympathies.

In that regard, Depp possessed distinct advantages. He isn’t a better actor than Heard, but her conduct on the stand was more harshly criticized in no small part because he’s a more familiar performer, a bigger star who has dwelled for much longer in the glow of public approbation. He brought with him into the courtroom the well-known characters he has played, a virtual entourage of lovable rogues, misunderstood artists and gonzo rebels. He’s Edward Scissorhands, Jack Sparrow, Hunter S. Thompson, Gilbert Grape.

We’ve seen him mischievous and mercurial, but never truly menacing. He’s someone we’ve watched grow up, from juvenile heartthrob on “21 Jump Street” to crusty old salt in the “Pirates of the Caribbean” franchise. His offscreen peccadilloes (the drinking, the drugs, the “Winona Forever” tattoo) have been part of the pop-cultural background noise for much of that time, classified along with the scandals and shenanigans that have been a Hollywood sideshow since the silent era.

In his testimony, Depp copped to some bad stuff, but this too was a play for sympathy, of a piece with the charm and courtliness he was at pains to display. That he came off as a guy unable to control his temper or his appetites was seen, by many of the most vocal social media users, to enhance his credibility, while Heard’s every tear or gesture was taken to undermine hers. The audience was primed to accept him as flawed, vulnerable, human, and to view her as monstrous.

Because he’s a man. Celebrity and masculinity confer mutually reinforcing advantages. Famous men — athletes, actors, musicians, politicians — get to be that way partly because they represent what other men aspire to be. Defending their prerogatives is a way of protecting, and asserting, our own. We want them to be bad boys, to break the rules and get away with it. Their seigneurial right to sexual gratification is something the rest of us might resent, envy or disapprove of, but we rarely challenge it. These guys are cool. They do what they want, including to women. Anyone who objects is guilty of wokeness, or gender treason, or actual malice.

Of course there are exceptions. In the #MeToo era there are men who have gone to jail, lost their jobs or suffered disgrace because of the way they’ve treated women. The fall of certain prominent men — Harvey Weinstein, Leslie Moonves, Matt Lauer — was often welcomed as a sign that a status quo that sheltered, enabled and celebrated predators, rapists and harassers was at last changing.

A few years later, it seems more likely that they were sacrificed not to end that system of entitlement but rather to preserve it. Almost as soon as the supposed reckoning began there were complaints that it had gone too far, that nuances were being neglected and too-harsh punishments meted out.

This backlash has been folded into a larger discourse about “cancel culture,” which is often less about actions than words. “Cancellation” is now synonymous with any criticism that invokes racial insensitivity, sexual misbehavior or controversial opinions. Creeps are treated as martyrs, and every loudmouth is a free-speech warrior. Famous men with lucrative sinecures on cable news, streaming platforms and legacy print publications can proclaim themselves victims.

Which is just what Depp did. And while he accused Heard of doing terrible things to him in the course of their relationship and breakup, the lawsuit wasn’t about those things. It was about words published under her name, none of which were “Johnny Depp.” In a sentence the jury found false and malicious, after describing herself as “representing domestic abuse” Heard wrote that she “felt the full force of our culture’s wrath for women who speak out.” This time she surely has.

Misogyny isn’t the subtext of American political rage and social dysfunction; all too often, it’s the plain text. The links between domestic violence and mass shootings are chilling and well documented, though rarely cited in arguments about policy and prevention. The mobs of social media mobilize against women with special frequency and ferocity, often using the language of righteous grievance. Gamergate, a campaign of harassment directed at women who wrote about video game culture, pretended to be about “ethics in journalism.” The alt-right in the months before the 2016 election and its post-Trump progeny specialize in targeted misogyny. The TikTok hordes that went after Amber Heard over the past few months took a page from that book.

Depp’s victory is also theirs. The rage of men whose grievances are inchoate and inexhaustible found expression in a 58-year-old movie star’s humiliation of his 36-year-old former wife. I have to wonder: Are men OK? That’s a sincere question. Does the blend of self-pity, vanity, petulance and bombast that Depp displayed on the stand represent how we want to see ourselves or our sons? That’s a rhetorical question. The answer is yes.

Not all men, though. Right? Now that the trial is over, we’ll find new things to be ambiguous about, new venues where indeterminacy can serve as an alibi for the same old cruelty, and for its newer iterations. Johnny Depp is being embraced as a hero in some quarters, but his victory extends even to those who will allow themselves to feel troubled by the outcome of the trial and then move on. Some of us may wince a little when we watch “Pirates of the Caribbean” or “Donnie Brasco,” but we’ll probably still watch. They’re pretty good movies, and it’s not as if they can be expunged from the collective memory. That hasn’t happened to Louis C.K., or Woody Allen, or Michael Jackson, or Mel Gibson, or even Bill Cosby. Some of them have gone to court, some have faced public censure and disgrace, but they all remain woven into the fabric of the culture, and their behavior is too. We may not entirely forget, but we mostly forgive.

Let’s at least be clear about what that means. It means that we value the comfort and self-regard of men, especially famous ones, more than we value the safety and dignity of women, even famous ones."

(x)

This was written by a man. Which honestly kills me because all it does is prove that misandry is alive and well when it comes to the subject of domestic abuse. Just like that age old view of the patriarchy unable to see women as equals, women as anything other than damsels in distress, fragile little creatures that must be protected at all costs, here we have proof that society is still unable to accept the fact that a woman can abuse a man. And because said abuser is a woman, then society demands that we absolutely believe everything they've claimed despite evidence that was entered into a court of law that was reviewed by legal experts and jurors alike proving the contrary. It demands that not only are we to circle her wagons and defend her due to her anatomy but also turn a blind eye to her abuses of not only a man but other human beings that it has been documented by law enforcement and in a court of law that she actually did.

I am just...astonished. This is the NY Times. They approved this piece. And rather than talk to actual abuse experts and psychological experts, even law enforcement, they choose to continue to be part of the problem.

Let me say this, had I heard JD making the statements on the audio recordings that AH did instead, I absolutely would be just as passionate in supporting her. Because I support ALL survivors, regardless of their gender.

And because of my experience in this arena, because I am a survivor, I can tell you that within seconds of hearing AH speaking that I knew right then, other evidence sight unseen, who was really abusing who. It's a special club that not one of us ever wants to be a part of.

[ear-worthy]

The Art Of Kindness Podcast: Making The World A Better Place

 I first reviewed The Art of Kindness (AOK) in May 2023. In that review, I recommended the show and called it "a kind of soul-cleansing experience." 

Since then, the host Robert Peterpaul has gotten married, interviewed the legendary Carol Burnett last November on the show's 100th episode, again celebrated World Kindness Day, and just started his fourth season in early November.

The Art of Kindness (AOK) bills itself as "A positively star-studded podcast that converses with and celebrates artists from all areas of the entertainment industry (Film, TV, Broadway, etc.) who use their platform to make the world a better place. Join The AOK as we sprinkle positivity around like confetti and get to the bottom of what kindness really means through compassionate conversations." In every episode, host Robert Peterpaul elicits tales from Broadway people and celebrities about how they sprinkle kindness throughout their world. Peterpaul always asks each guest, "What does kindness mean to you?" He also asks guests how they react to people praising them.

 Robert Peterpaul is an award-winning actor, writer and celebrity interviewer with a passion for storytelling and spreading kindness.

He and his family formed the nonprofit THE THOMAS PETERPAUL FOUNDATION in honor of his late brother Thomas, who passed away from cancer. TPF has helped countless pediatric cancer patients and their families since its inception. Peterpaul notably teamed up with Novartis and spoke before Congress at the US Capitol on behalf of TPF to get the CAR T Cell Therapy approved.  In addition, he works for the nonprofit Women In Entertainment, which assists women both working in and aspiring to work in the entertainment industry.

 During episodes of the show, Peterpaul has the foresight to offer listeners a brief summary of the guest's career (usually Broadway), and that is helpful for non-Broadway listeners. In a fun episode with stage actor Stephanie Block, his summary before the interview gave me an intimate sense of how much she has accomplished in her career. 

The Art Of Kindness is part of the Broadway Podcast Network, which offers listeners everything from a vast range of theatre, TV, and film-related programming, in addition to original radio plays, audio dramas, and even an original soap opera. Podcasts include As The Curtain Rises (a soap opera), The Musicals of Tomorrow, and The Great Game Broadway Game Show.

Recent guests of note include Iain Armitageis most recognized for his role as the title character in the hit CBS comedy YOUNG SHELDON, the prequel to THE BIG BANG THEORY which wrapped its 7th and final season in May 2024. 

In August, Paul Feig, who has directed Bridesmaids, Last Christmas, The Heat, Ghostbusters, Spy, and A Simple Favor, was a guest and discussed a creating a kind environment on a TV or movie set. That's a topic that needs a lot of reflection. 

Last week was Happy World Kindness Week,  and the nonprofit organization, kindness.org,  gave Robert Peterpaul the honor of guest hosting a very special episode of their Why Kindness? podcast where he spoke with kindness.org CEO & Co-Founder Jaclyn Lindsey, as well as the Kindlab team- Dr. Oliver Scott Curry & Dr. Chloe San Miguel about the organization and the science of kindness. On the episode a groundbreaking kindness measurement tool (KQ) was introduced.

Do you know your KQ? Visit kindness.org/KQ to get your KQ today. We should all try it. Then, we can find out if we are truly kind or just kind of a jerk.

I recommend listening to The Art Of Kindness podcast. I think Robert is on to something here beyond podcasting. It's about interacting with the external world and other people. Are we in competition with everyone else like in a zero-sum universe, or do we collaborate, cooperate, and support each other? 

Which Ebenezer Scrooge are you? The one before being visited by three ghosts or the one who wakes up on Christmas morning? 

Even if you know nothing about Broadway or the celebrities being interviewed, I suggest checking out Robert Peterpaul as he hosts The Art Of Kindness. He is the sunshine that overcomes the darkness of misinformation, conspiracy theories, and racial, ethnic and gender hate. 

As writer Maya Angelou once said, "Try to be a rainbow in someone's cloud."

[buckevantommy]

if you haven’t watched A Murder At The End Of The World yet do yourself a favor. the finale just dropped and wow. this is one of those expertly crafted narratives - dealing with flashbacks and a present timeline - that reminds you why storytelling can truly be an art. the way they weave the positives and negatives of digital tech and ai into various characters’ experiences and personalities is good for a multi-view of the issues but mostly it’s a takedown on smart tech and those insanely rich sociopaths with too much power. on a completely different track to Glass Onion but striking a few of the same chords in regards to the Elon Musks of the world. this show is clever and thrilling and beautiful in composition - from the actors and dialogue to the cinematography and music every episode will keep you enthralled keep you guessing keep you on the edge of your seat while tapping into this universal fear and fascination we have for smart technology in our world today. i had my suspicions of who the killer was from the second ep but i didn’t see how clever and heartwrenching it would turn out to be and it just tied up the mystery so painfully perfectly. but it’s the humanity threaded throughout, the heart and soul of the narrative being its ensemble - notably the two main stars as everyone else kind of plays only guest appearances - that truly makes it so special. darby and bill’s relationship and the details of bill’s end tying into his time with darby is all just so poignant and relatable and believable and special. this is what more show creators should aspire to be like: less memeworthy moments stitched together with mediocre narratives and more startling and startling beautiful storytelling.

[cinemapremi]

The Remarkable Journey of Mouni Roy: From Struggles to Stardom

In the glitzy world of entertainment, the path to stardom can be a rollercoaster ride, filled with ups and downs. It's a journey that many aspire to embark upon, but only a few achieve remarkable success. One such success story is that of the talented actress Mouni Roy.

The Beginning of a Beautiful Odyssey

Mouni Roy, a prominent figure in the Indian entertainment industry, has made quite a name for herself. Her story is a testament to the idea that success knows no boundaries. Her recent stint as the host of the Indian version of the popular American show, "Temptation Island," is just one chapter in her captivating journey.

Embracing Opportunities

Mouni Roy's approach to her career is a lesson for many aspiring actors. She has not confined herself to any particular medium or platform. Whether it's television, digital platforms, or the big screen, Mouni has embraced all with open arms. Her versatility and commitment to her craft have made her a beloved figure in the entertainment world.

No Room for Complacency

In a world where the competition is fierce, Mouni Roy's dedication to her craft stands out. She firmly believes that in the showbiz, if you are fortunate enough to find work, you should give it your all. She has hosted reality shows, acted in films and web series, and even judged reality shows. Her unwavering commitment to her work has earned her a dedicated fan following.

Perseverance Pays Off

Mouni Roy's journey is a testament to the fact that there are no shortcuts to success. This holds especially true when you don't have any industry connections or godfathers. In such scenarios, your work becomes your sole companion. Mouni's journey from television to films and now hosting shows is a result of her sheer perseverance.

The Joy of Work

Every morning, when Mouni wakes up, she's filled with enthusiasm about going to work. Even on days when she's tired or unwell, the idea of going to work excites her. It's a feeling that has become an integral part of her life. Her years of hard work have led her to a place where she truly loves what she does.

Providing Insights and Advice

In her role as a host on reality shows, Mouni Roy often finds herself giving advice to contestants. Whether it's relationship advice or life guidance, Mouni's experiences have made her a source of wisdom for those around her. Her real-life success story serves as an inspiration to many, and she shares her insights with generosity.

The Significance of Self-Respect

For Mouni, self-love and respect are paramount. She doesn't subscribe to labels like "better half" or "significant other." She believes that a relationship should be a partnership where both individuals take care of each other. This philosophy extends to all aspects of her life, personal and professional.

The Future of "Brahmastra 2"

The highly anticipated movie "Brahmastra" is a topic of curiosity for Mouni's fans. Although she's a part of the film and played the character "Juno," she's as eager as her fans to see how the sequel, "Brahmastra 2," unfolds. For now, the details remain a mystery, and she advises her fans to wait for further updates from the director, Ayan Mukherjee.

Mouni Roy and the Digital World

Mouni is no stranger to the digital world and social media. She uses these platforms to connect with her audience, sharing moments from her life as a digital scrapbook. It's a testament to her tech-savvy nature and the way she engages with her admirers. In conclusion, Mouni Roy's remarkable journey from her humble beginnings to her current stardom is a testament to her unwavering dedication, passion, and love for her craft. Her versatile career, from acting in television series to hosting international shows, reflects her commitment to always give her best. Moreover, her sage advice on relationships and life reflects her wisdom and understanding of the world beyond her career. What is Mouni Roy's latest project? Mouni Roy is currently hosting the Indian version of the reality show "Temptation Island." What advice does Mouni Roy have for aspiring actors? Mouni Roy advises aspiring actors to embrace every opportunity that comes their way and to never give up on their dreams. What is Mouni Roy's role in "Brahmastra"? Mouni Roy plays the character "Juno" in the movie "Brahmastra." How does Mouni Roy use social media? Mouni Roy actively engages with her fans on social media, sharing her experiences and moments from her life. What's the key to Mouni Roy's success? Mouni Roy's success can be attributed to her unwavering dedication, versatility, and the love she has for her work. Also checkout: Read the full article

[dreamingofyouthemanyone]

When They Wonder Why You Chose Them - 10

We're hitting double digits, and it's so exhilarating HAHAHA. We're at the second to the last guild! We got this!!! I'll be posting the last guild tomorrow HEHEHE and I can't wait!!

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Featuring: Members of the Fantasy Opera Guild | Fata Musica

Type: Headcanons

Prompt: Each character musing over why did you pick them to be your first partner in this journey

Warning: Pre-Game Launch Character Assumptions

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To Velvet, it...would certainly be a problematic feat.

It isn’t that he’s against your choice or anything. Your aspiration, while full of opportunities for the guild’s benefit, truly is a worthwhile venture that rejecting it would make him feel wasteful.

However, he also can’t ignore the fact that his schedule is almost always full. It isn’t as if he can just move back his shows, save for injury or anything equally dire. He’d planned it all carefully—the time spent capturing the audience’s intrigue over their shows, the rehearsals, the construction of the stage, the design of the costumes and the making of the music, and so much more.

He discusses this with you, gives you a way out because as wonderful as the chance that you’re offering, he isn’t one to shirk anyone’s time. Yet, if you still wish to work with him, if it’s really him that you want by your side, and you tell him as such, the smile that blooms on his face is one that clearly comes from his heart.

He tries—he really does—to accommodate your requests, but it’s as expected. It’s a difficult act to pull off, but one that isn’t impossible with the right steps. He’s initially hesitant, but many great plays originate from unsure routes, and he has your support most of all. If he wants the guild to prosper, then he believes that he too should give guild the chance to do so on its own.

He’s a bit exasperated with the stunned responses he gets when he starts giving more responsibilities to others, responsibilities that he’d withheld for fear of their inexperience or incapacity. But he’s seen them flourish into their roles, has seen them build the most amazing results from the barest necessities, and he can trust them to do their part.

With less tasks for him to worry himself over, he’s able to have the time to accept more requests than the paltry number he’s accomplished before. You’re overjoyed, even though you take the time to check if he’s really firm with his decision, and he finds your smiles infectious as he waves away your concerns.

The thing is, he’ll never stop worrying about his guild. It’s practically a mechanism that he’d built into himself and never really knew how to remove, but it’s easier to to change his feeling over the matter whenever he’s with you.

He’s suspected for quite some time now that you’re the kind of person he’ll get along with, and to have his suspicions confirmed is a relief. You’re somebody hardworking and compassionate, you make it a point to help him advertise his guild’s upcoming plays to anyone interested, and your heart is in all the right places even if you stumble every now and then. But you get up, and he’s always been soft for people like you. You tell him, with the glow of the campfire illuminating your face, how excited you are to watch his guild’s performance when you two get back.

And just like that, his worries eventually transform into eagerness. Rather than fearing for something bad to happen, he’s anticipating how great of a show his guild will put up in spite of all of the challenges.

Time passes by swiftly in your presence and before he knows it, he’s standing in front of his guild with you, hand clasped in yours. There’s a fire stoking in his gut over what he’ll see, but he can’t take the step forward until he asks you, who has been the supporting actor to enhance his own role in this entire situation, why him?

You squeeze his hand and you give him your answer as freely as how he’d confessed his problems to you. The two of you trust each other at this point, but his heart never fails to race just this fast of a tempo whenever it’s affirmed by you. He squeezes your hand back once you’re done telling you, hoping that his eyes are able to convey all that his mouth is unable to say. He’s glad that he took the leap with you.

“There you are! I take my eyes off of you for a moment, and you’re gone! …So? What did you think about our performance? And don’t you dare lie if you were bored! I can take criticism… Hm… Mhhm… Okay, I see. So you had fun? …Heh, I’m relieved. I wanted to see you smile because of our performance.”

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There really is no other word for Kent to use to describe how blown away he is.

He’s sensible enough to know where he stands amongst the meisters, that he definitely doesn’t stand alongside many of them, that he doesn’t deserve to yet because he isn’t as smart or as strong or as experienced as they are, but he will.

He’s just little old him, but one day, he won’t be so little anymore, and the admiration he feels towards others will one day be directed his way from the younger generations.

He wonders, as he beams sunnily at you, if you admire him. And if that’s the reason for why you chose him.

Nevertheless, he doesn’t let himself think too much of it. He’s going to show you why it’s a good thing that you’d chosen him! He’ll make sure you’ll never regret giving him this chance! He tells you so, laughing at the astonishment that twists your features before you give him a tentative smile that he knows is genuine. He squeezes your hands, more so for himself than you, because he can’t wait to start.

And prove himself he does. He understands that he’s lacking in knowledge and experience, so he makes up for it with his enthusiasm and ability to discern somebody’s feelings. He makes it a point to get to know the people he’ll be helping, the people he’ll be working with, because it gives him more inspiration to dive harder into his job to have a face in his mind and the smile they’ll be giving him once all is said and done.

Of course, he doesn’t slack off in his training! Even though he’s received permission to skip rehearsals every now and then to help you out, he doesn’t want to fall behind his peers. He wants to be the one to shine the brightest, so it’s a given that he’ll have to work just as hard to attain that dream.

He somehow manages to rope you into his own impromptu training. You’re initially reluctant, and he can’t blame you for it, but you cave into his pleading with a warning that he shouldn’t be expecting Velvet-level performance from you. He hugs you anyways, because this truly means a lot to him, and he feels as if he can fly when you return his embrace.

He’s aware that he’s fond of you, and why wouldn’t he be when it’s so easy to like you, but he becomes aware of just how fond he is of you after one of his shows today and he’s being bombarded by a crowd who praises his performance and asks for his signature. It only takes him a couple of seconds to recognize their faces, but when he does, his smile grows warmer because he can’t believe that the people he’s helped before are now coming to watch him!

It touches his heart to know to see that they came to see him, but what surprises him the most is that, when he asks them how they heard of his show tonight, they all share a certain look before telling him that it had been you who informed them.

It floors him. That you’d go to such lengths for him. But if he gives it some thought, he really shouldn’t be so surprised. You’ve been by his side the most, have watched him succeed and trip, and you’ve been nothing but supportive of him in his endeavors when, in the first place, you chose him to support you. Just the thought of you, on the days that you aren’t together with him, going out of your way to invite others to come and watch him fills him with so much joy it’s as if his very soul could pop out of his skin any moment now.

He sweeps across the entirety of the guild, in search of you, because there is no way he’ll end the night just like that! When he does spot you, his heart gives another flutter in the same way his magic does, and there are a million thoughts racing through his head—why, why, why, why—but in the end, all he does is capture you in his arms and buries his nose in the area where your shoulder and neck meets, trembling from the sheer happiness coursing through him. When he pulls away, rather than the questions he so desperately wants to ask, he instead gives you a large and genuine grin and thanks you. He doesn’t know what he did to deserve you, but he’ll prove it every day why he does.

“Heeeeeey! Did you see? Did you see?! Wasn’t I amazing out there? Hehehe! I know, I know! It was so fun! I wish you were there with me, but knowing that you’re watching made me want to give my very, very best!”

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Heath accepts because he’s interested in it, and it really is as simple as that.

He can feel the looks that his guildmates are giving him, how perturbed they must be over his decision. He shoots them a reassuring smile, but for some reason, that only makes their faces grimmer.

Meeting you is a memorable experience for him. Not because you particularly stand out at face value, but when you take his hand into his and tell him that you’re looking forward to working with him, he understands that there’s a distinctness to how you speak and act towards him and others—an in-depth gentleness, if he is to attach a word to it.

He doesn’t shy away from telling you this is one of his conversations with you, and he watches as you turn red at the cheeks. You admit that it’s not the first thing many people notice about you, and he tilts his head, confused, because it’s clear to him.

Whenever the two of you have a request to fulfill, he always looks forward to it. He gets to travel to all sorts of places, to learn an abundant amount of new things from people, and to listen to a variety of sounds blending together in a harmony he never thought possible. It’s during these times when inspiration is easy to grasp, and more often than not, he’s seeking out that little book in his bag to write down his ideas to share later on with his guild.

But, the best thing about these requests is that he gets to spend it all with you. You’re a joy to be with and he genuinely likes your company. You’re patient with him, answering his questions to the best of your capabilities, and treat his curiosity as not something to be tolerated but with understanding.

It warms him to the core, to know that you genuinely enjoy his presence, and more often than not, he finds his fingers twitching towards his little notebook, the makings of a musical piece coming to life in his mind.

Soon enough, the pages in his little notebook are filled to the brim with scribbles either crossed out, encircled, or unfinished. It frustrates him to no end, since the inspiration and dedication are there, but he can’t seem to know just where is right and how to do so. He doesn’t know that his agitation is starting to show on his until you consult him about it one day, even going so far as to offer to brush his hair because you know from past conversations that he finds it soothing.

He accepts your hair brushing offer. If there’s anything he knows that can calm his nerves, then it would be that. Amusingly enough, he wonders if he looks like a satisfied cat whenever you groom his hair. He certainly feels like one and he mentions to you, evoking a giggle that already begins to massage away the knots burdening his heart.

You encourage him to tell you what’s on his mind, but for the first time, he silences his own words. He wants to keep this a secret from you, wants to see what kind of face you’ll make when he plays the music meant for you for the first time. Instead, he focuses on other things that have passed his mind now and then, and he plucks the most prominent one.

He asks you why you’d chosen him out of the other meisters, and the moment those words had left his mouth, your hands pause. He waits for you to find the words, because he understands that not everything is so simple, but when you do tell him, in a gentle voice with your gentle hands carding through his hair, it’s as if a veil has been lifted from his mind and he suddenly knows what to do now.

He leaps to his feet, clasping your hands in his and peppering the back of them with grateful kisses. It’s clear that you’re flustered by his actions, but he gives you a beaming grin and tells you that you just helped him out with his problem. He leaves the room, feeling jubilant and hopeful for the first time in days.

“Oh, perfect. Come, sit beside me, I want to try something out… Huh? Hehe, don’t worry, there’s nothing bad going on. I just wanted to play you something on my machine organ… Hm? What piece? … You’ll find out, so listen well, okay?”

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Already, the beginnings of a headache are starting to make itself known to Suzuka.

He resists the urge to massage them or show any sort of displeasure because it’s not exactly your fault. It really isn’t. In fact, in any other situation, he’d be flattered to be your choice, but right now? When he’s trapped in an unending cycle of deadline after deadline because Velvet had thought that just because he was a talented actor in the past means that he could write this many scripts in such a short amount of time?!

The thunderstorm roaring in his head must show on his face because when he comes to, he immediately sees the hesitancy on your face and, not wanting to create a misunderstanding for his guild, he accepts with as best a smile as he can muster.

Later on, he brings up the matter to Velvet because surely, Velvet would have words about this. And he does, but ones that don’t support Suzuka’s cause—in fact, Velvet goes so far as to say that it’ll do good for him. That it’ll open his mind up more and give better results. Suffice to say, that conversation leaves him steaming and he’s incapable of writing anything that day, muttering underneath his breath that his mind and patience are as open as they can get, stretched out to their limit.

Nonetheless, in spite of his reservations of spending his time helping you around instead of doing his job, he’ll be lying if he says that he regrets it. Growing up, he knows very well the feeling of helplessness, of always worrying about tomorrow, next week, even next month if he’s able to get by. So, to be able to ease that weight on anybody’s shoulders is heartening and reminds him that everyone truly has their own problems, be they big or small, and sometimes just need a helping hand to push them forward.

On his journeys with you, he begins to learn all sorts of things about you and from you. He sympathizes with you when you complain about an asinine job, laughs with you over amusing situations that the two of you somehow land yourselves in every now and then, and knows by heart that you’re a genuinely good person even if you may deny it. In exchange, he shares things with you. His past, what it had been like to be a star actor, why he’d left, and how he managed to find himself in the guild, saddled with this position. You laugh at the expressions he makes and compliment him that he really is a good storyteller. He makes a face at that but half-heartedly jokes that he wishes he could be a good story maker as well.

He sees the interest that surfaces on your face and, since he’s known you for quite some time and can say with certainty that you wouldn’t turn tail on him, he confides in you about the scripts he’s supposed to be working on.

He watches as you marvel over what he’s written so far and, on the inside, he’s preening that you enjoy his stories so far. Still, when disappointment twists your features as you realize that none of the plots have yet to be finished, he can’t help but sigh even though he’d expected it.

However, what he doesn’t expect is for you to mention how he could incorporate what had happened to the two of you at a past request to one of his stories. It gives him pause and he goes over the script, mind whirring with possibilities because it would fit. In fact, he does the same with the other scripts, applying what he’d seen, what he’d learned, what he’d experienced in all of his adventures with you to his stories and it’s as if an entirely new world opens up in his head.

He turns to you, for once with hope blooming in his chest, and he profusely thanks you, promising to treat you out for lunch the next day because if you hadn’t shared your point-of-view in this, if you hadn’t chosen him to accompany you, then he wouldn’t know just which direction he’d want his plays to turn to. It makes him wonder, for the first time, why you chose him, but he doesn’t entertain it, much too focused on finishing his scripts once and for all.

But after, when he has the time, at the lunch that he’d promised to treat you to, he brings it up, trying to sound casual about it even if his heart is beating a mile a minute. You glance at him, surprised, but you tell him why with the same feigned easiness he’s trying to mask his nervousness with.

Your answer takes him by surprise, leaving him gaping at you. He doesn’t know what possesses you to stick a spoonful of food into his open mouth, but he nearly chokes out of surprise on it and shares a laugh with you afterward, the serious atmosphere between the two of you melting into something familiarly warm. Just the way he likes it.

“It’s hard, sometimes, to look back at the past and remember the things you can never return to… But there’s also beauty in the future, don’t you think so? You don’t know what’s going to happen, but I know what I want to do and that’s to give people all sorts of happy memories of our plays. Including you…”

[doridoripawaa]

Zenderella

What’s the point of wishing upon a star at night?

Could stars even hear wishes from up in the sky?

Zen continued to dream, with aspirations bright,

And hoped that one day, he would be able to fly.

Each day felt like a nightmare, trapping him inside,

As he strained to endure his family’s abuse.

Their cruelty was something he could not abide,

As they treated him like some hideous refuse.

But he found a release in the form of the stage

When he was not tidying up around the house.

Theater helped to free him from his family’s cage

That forced him to act as a quiet, ugly mouse.

One fateful night would transform his entire tale.

A night that’d show dreams and love would always prevail.

Clean as could be. Not a speck of dirt or dust in sight.

To meet these goals, Zen would likely need to work all night.

His parents and his brother would be off to the ball,

While they expected him to stay home and clean the halls!

Little did they know, tonight in that grandiose gala, the primary source of entertainment would be coming from the one who they had scorned, ridiculed, trampled, abused. The highlight of the night would come not from the dancing and music--which were to be expected at this type of event--but from the players who would take the stage and enchant the guests with a whimsical tale. Apparently, the princess of the kingdom had been struggling lately, living a life devoid of joy, hope, wonder, or optimism; thus, the king and queen had demanded a riveting tale that could restore the spark to their child’s eyes.

What kind of life was that? Even Zen, pitiful as he was working on his hands and knees in his family’s home, had his dreams. He had a reason to live, a reason to keep pushing forward. Did royalty ever feel troubles, though? At first, he hadn’t been sure; he thought all nobles and royals were born with a silver spoon in their mouth and would never understand what it meant to truly toil and suffer. However, after hearing the plight of the princess….

Maybe, just maybe, that princess was different.

A sudden rap at the door interrupted Zen from his tumultuous thoughts. With a grunt he lifted himself off the floor to his feet, and he brushed the dirt and dust off of his apron and his knees before heading over to the front door. The rest of his family had already left for the ball, leaving him behind to make their home sparkling clean before they returned.

Maybe, just maybe, today would be the day he wouldn’t have to return.

A second knock came, sharper and more urgent than the first. Zen brushed some sticky, loose strands of his feathery grey-white hair out of his face, and then he hurried over to the door, not wanting to keep his guest waiting.

Honestly, he’s lucky that he decided to run, because as soon as he opened the door and saw a brunette woman scowling at him, he realized that she probably would have broken down the door if he had taken much longer.

“J-Jaehee,” he stammered as he looked down at his castmate. Out of all of the members of the troupe, she was the one with whom he felt the closest connection. She had an incredible work ethic, a true passion for the stage, a meticulous eye, and a personality that wouldn’t shy away from any task given to her. She would always be the first person to speak up if she didn’t like the idea for an upcoming show, but she’d also be the first person to shower the rest of the cast in praise for their heart-wrenching performances.

She also seemed to have a special fondness for Zen, which did wonders not only for his ego but also for his motivation. An actor’s job wasn’t to smile--it was to make others smile.

However, Jaehee also was the type of person who could easily kick you to the ground in three seconds flat if you messed with her or her crew. Apparently, running late was something that could land you on her hitlist, because the glare that her fierce coffee-colored eyes gave him was one that sent shivers down the young man’s spine. He was already ashen, but somehow, he felt as though that stern look made his face grow even paler. “What a delight to see you, babe.”

A soft blush rose to her cheeks, but she quickly managed to force that down. “Don’t b-babe me,” she muttered. “You were supposed to arrive backstage an hour ago. I had no choice but to fetch you myself.”

A whole hour? Zen glanced at the clock and his ruby eyes flew wide open in a panic. “Shit,” he muttered. “I got so distracted by this stain that I… well, that isn’t important.” He sighed and began to untie his apron. “Let me gather my belongings, and I’ll scamper off with you into the sunset, okay?”

He couldn’t tell if her face was flushing red from embarrassment, ire, or exasperation. “P-please make haste!” was all she managed to sputter before Zen headed to his room with a wink and a flick of his wispy ponytail behind him.

~~~

Ball gowns and smiles, pressed suits and polished shoes.

A room full of guests who appeared amused.

As MC stepped down the staircase that night,

Her eyes swam with woe, rather than delight.

Royal life was difficult to abide.

She felt lonely, with no one by your side.

What sorrows could have the heir to the throne?

A life of solitude, scared and alone.

She hoped to enjoy herself at the ball.

She wondered if you would feel joy at all.

When she descended the steps, her eyes glowed.

They had arranged for her to see a show.

The lighting in the room dimmed down and a hush fell over the attendants as actors made their way to the elevated platform at the front of the room. Murmurs and mumbles began to spread throughout the crowd. What was happening? Was this planned? Of course, the king and queen would never allow for any tomfoolery to take place at their event, so this must have been carefully orchestrated. But why take time away from the socializing, the dancing, the mingling? Would this show be enough to dazzle the audience?

Zen had the drive and the skill to ensure that it would.

A sharp inhale of breath, as Zen smelled the perfumes of the ballroom.

A twirl of his long, cascading hair around his fingers, as Zen relished in its softness.

A glance at Jaehee, as Zen sought comfort in her level smile.

A bite of his lip, as Zen tasted the remnants of berries on his tongue.

A twitch of his ears, as he strained to hear the music that signaled his cue.

And as soon as the clock struck, Zen departed from behind the scenes, and Cinderella strode out onto the stage.

Cleaning, cooking. Obeying, behaving. Little “Cinderella” was stuck, trapped at the whims and wills of her abusive family. As Zen knelt down to “scrub” the stage and enact all of her chores, he couldn’t help but feel a growing pit growing in his stomach and anxiety welling in his mind. He wasn’t worried about not portraying the character accurately-- on the contrary, he was nervous that he had embodied her too well. The parallels in Cinderella’s life with his own were almost frightening.

But here, on this stage, this was the one place where his chains were released, his shackles were open, and he could fly, free as a bird. He could forget his worries, he could abandon his burdens, he could become someone else and live his ideal life.

He could sing to his heart’s content, as a free bird, rather than a caged one.

A step. A song. A smile.

The fairy godmother was spinning her magic and casting a spell on the entire crowd, watching with wide eyes and gaping mouths. Above all, however, Princess MC found herself absolutely entranced, hooked on every word and her eyes tracking every single motion, every spin, every twirl, every wave of a wand, every flutter of a skirt. The costumes, the dances, the makeup… they were all spectacular. But above all, the star of the show, Cinderella, really shone like a princess in her own right. Who was this actor with skin as white as snow, hair as soft and pale as the clouds, and eyes that sparkled brighter and warmer than the reddest flame?

Cinderella, despite all of her hardships, had never let go of her dreams.

As Cinderella spun around and her filthy rags turned to magnificent robes, MC’s eyes twinkled and she felt a rush of excitement flood her. When was the last time she had genuinely felt so… happy? Watching this character’s aspirations be realized, watching Cinderella break free and manage to escape for one night of whimsy and fantasy at the ball, made MC’s heart swell. She wanted to cheer Cinderella on, encourage her, support her. Cinderella, who suffered at the cruel hands and horrible words of her family.

The way the actor walked forward, radiant white locks tumbling down his back as he took those first steps towards his dream. The way his drab brown and grey costume melted away, revealing a soft pink tunic and radiant periwinkle cloak, perfectly accentuating his figure while giving him an air of regality. He reached up and clutched a hand to his chest, and then when he opened his mouth to speak, MC felt certain that she had died and been transported to heaven.

That was no mere mortal whose voice she was hearing. She was currently being serenaded by an angel.

Princess MC was only snapped back to reality by the sudden sharp increase in volume of the music.

“And so Cinderella went to the ball,” the narrator announced in a booming voice, trying to orate over the echo of the strings and percussion. “Hoping to grab a dance before midnight should fall. Please, esteemed guests, enjoy your time to dance. Like Cinderella and her friends, may you find your fairytale romance.”

At once the actors and actresses began to mix with the crowd. Most of them moved in pairs and began dancing with the lads, lasses, lords, and ladies of the party. A few of guests rushed up to the actors and actresses--one of the actresses, a slender young woman with short chestnut-colored hair and eyes warm like mocha, was particularly popular--to try to woo them and coax them into a dance.

Perhaps on any other day, MC would have rolled her eyes and tutted softly, disappointed in their fawning and flattery. Today, however, she felt… softer. More in touch with her emotions.

Emotions that she had feared had disappeared into thin air, vanished as she drowned in the duties and obligations of her station, without a chance to fantasize or dream like she had done as a child.

The princess wasn’t normally one to take advantage of her station, but as she stepped forward, heels clacking against the tile ground, the crowd seemed to part ways before her. Out of reverence, out of fear, or out of pity, she couldn’t be sure, but their motives were the least of her concerns. As long as she could reach her destination, her goal, the means didn’t matter.

“Excuse me, Cinderella?”

Silence befell the folks gathered around the grand actor, as the princess of the kingdom spoke. The actor himself looked somewhat startled, but he masked it well; MC could only detect a faint glimmer of apprehension flicker in his rich red eyes before it faded away and a smile settled onto his white lips. “Good evening, Princess,” he greeted MC with a wink. “Did you enjoy our show?”

Enjoy? That would be putting her feelings mildly. “I absolutely loved it,” she whispered, and then she cleared her throat. No point in being meek with her request-- she was determined to obtain exactly what she wanted. “In fact, I liked it so much,” she went on, tilting her shoulders back and lifting her chin to stare directly into his eyes, “that I have a request for you.”

He tipped his head to the side in confusion, causing his flowing white tresses to sway with the movement. Nevertheless he kept that same smile on his face. He then nodded firmly and asked with that little coy look in his eyes, “Of course. Anything for you, babe.”

Babe? Now that was a new one. MC could feel her face flushing as crimson as the actor’s eyes, but she tried to ignore it and hoped that he wouldn’t be so brash as to actually draw attention to it. Nobody would dare to tease the princess, right? “If I may be so bold as to tear you from your fans,” she began, “then might I ask Miss Cinderella for a dance?”

A new expression lit up those eyes, that pair of flames that stood out in stark contrast to the rest of his ashen features. Was he… surprised, flattered, bewildered, flustered, or…?

She couldn’t be sure, but despite whatever turmoil was burning in his eyes, he kept the rest of his expression level. In fact, the corners of his mouth twitched upward into a… smile?

“It would be my honor,” he told her with a wink and a bow at the waist.

“We haven’t much time left in the night, so to the dance floor, we shall make haste.”

And so he extended his hand, which MC graciously took with a squeeze.

To the center of the dance floor they scurried, where they could dance as they pleased.

With one hand on MC’s shoulder and the other resting right on her hip,

Cinderella led her across the floor, with a waltz, a twirl, and a dip.

The princess, for the first time, let herself give in to another’s demands.

She simply followed, losing herself to the feel of his step and his hands.

His grip was firm but gentle as he guided her to and fro ‘round the floor.

The princess could lose herself in his rhythm, dance with him forevermore.

His radiant ruby eyes matched the ribbon in his flowing, snowy hair,

But it was the warm smile on his face to which no gem could ever compare.

His statuesque features glimmered under the chandelier’s glorious light,

And as she took them in with her gaze, she knew she’d never forget this night.

As the music reached a crescendo, the actor pulled her close to his chest.

“Thank you, mademoiselle,” he whispered, and she felt her heart pound in her breast.

“The pleasure is all mine,” she told him, as she reached up to caress his face. “Thank you for making a world of magic and wonder in this humble space.”

He laughed at her words, and as he leaned in with his breath hot against her ear,

“Princess, you’re the one who made my night magical,” he whispered, “my dear.”

The chime of a clock tower suddenly boomed, and quickly they pulled apart.

Princess MC felt relief, as she struggled to steady her pounding heart.

The actor’s expression, however, had shifted from mirth to misery.

“They said they would return at midnight,” he murmured, “which has arrived, I see.”

Before she could ask what he meant, he lifted her hand and gave it a kiss.

“Thank you for this memory,” he told her, “and for a night I’ll truly miss.”

Then he dropped MC’s hand and dashed away to the entrance to the grand hall.

As he flew away like a frenzied dove, something from his outfit did fall.

Princess MC tried to scamper after him, but she was left in his wake.

Then she spotted the fallen accessory, which from the ground she did take.

A ruby-red ribbon, which matched the mysterious actor’s gorgeous eyes.

“I never got his name,” she said; his identity remained a surprise.

~~~

As soon as the sun rose the next morning, Princess MC followed suit. She knew that she had to hurry after that actor in fast pursuit. What if he belonged to a traveling troupe and they’d be gone by the end of the day? Princess MC knew she could not allow the object of her affections to get away.

With any luck, he was still somewhere within the territory, but she would have to act fast. The princess carefully scrutinized the team of knights she had amassed. She told them, “We’re searching for a young man with hair and skin fair.” Then she lifted the ribbon: “With eyes the same color as this ribbon,” she declared.

Near and far, to and fro, the princess’s team began to search. They checked the shops, the plazas, the gardens, the parks. They asked residents, merchants, children, adults--anyone who might have a hint. Every now and then, the princess would find someone who looked vaguely reminiscent of her prince, but as soon as she lifted the ribbon to their hair, she would just shake her head and sigh; his hair would be too dark or his eyes too brown. What was it about her Cinderella that made him so… ethereal? Someone that beautiful must have been a mistake from God, an accident that wasn’t supposed to bless mortal eyes.

Here and there, high and low, the princess’s team continued their quest as the sun traveled overhead. They had left at the first pink and orange streaks of dawn, carried on as the burning bright sun hovered directly overhead, and now they were finally allowing themselves to take a rest as the sun grew ever closer to the horizon once more.

Could the troupe possibly have left town? That thought kept creeping into the back of her mind, and she desperately tried to push it away, push it down, push it… somewhere else. She couldn’t afford to let such doubts sneak up on her, or she couldn’t promise that she wouldn’t give in to her despair and cease her search altogether. This Cinderella, her first glimmer of light, her first ray of hope, in days, weeks, months. While her life as a princess was entirely different from Cinderella’s, who was practically a slave in her own home, MC could relate to the feeling of being trapped in one’s duty, being trapped by one’s circumstances, being trapped by one’s family, being… a bird with clipped wings.

This actor had given her the power to fly again.

“Your Highness,” one of the knights murmured to her as they rested for a minute underneath the overhanging shade of an oak. “May we take a moment’s respite? Most of us haven’t eaten since the morrow,” he asked tentatively. He looked full of trepidation, which only served to send pangs of guilt emanating from within her chest.

“Of course,” she told him with a feeble smile. “Let us find some food or drink to sustain us, alright? I wish to keep searching until the sun goes down, but…” Her gaze flickered to the sky, and even though the colors of the sunset were unobscured in the clear sky, she could feel dark clouds beginning to rumble in over her heart. “I’ll go fetch something,” she offered, barely suppressing a sigh. “It’s the least I can do,” she insisted quickly, before her knight could open his mouth to object. With a reluctant but firm nod, he watched as MC walked away, in search of a cheap, quick bite. They could feast upon their return to the castle, but candidly… as twisted as her heart and stomach were right now, the princess didn’t have much of an appetite.

This was a part of town with which the princess didn’t have much familiarity-- while the constant growth of her city was definitely a welcome sight, since she hadn’t ventured out of the castle too often recently, she found herself a little confused and disoriented by the unexpected developments. Had that shop always been there? What about these homes?

Exhausted, distressed, and admittedly hungrier than she had initially realized, MC nearly began to weep with joy as the sudden scent of batter wafted up to her nose. A freshly baked bun, calling for her, crying her name, luring her person. What delectable treats had she almost passed? What delicious delicacies were waiting in the middle of the street?

MC followed her nose and her soul, yearning to fill every one of her senses with whatever this mysterious morsel may be.

Her surprise upon reaching a humble little stall in a side alley was, to say the least… significant.

‘Don’t judge a book by its cover,’ she chided herself gently as she neared the stall, although anxiety began to tug at her and drag her feet. ‘Don’t knock it until you’ve tried it.’

Sometimes, gifts came in the least expected places. That actor had been a surprise to her last night, after all. Maybe this snack--a fish-shaped bun, judging from the sign--would be a pleasant surprise as well.

Nothing could have prepared MC for the surprise that awaited her as the customer in front of her turned around, though.

Glittering white hair, like sunkissed snow.

Pale, translucent skin, with a gentle white glow.

Above all, the element that caught her by the most surprise,

Was this young man’s resplendent ruby-red eyes.

With a gasp, she immediately began to shuffle around in her satchel for the ribbon. “E-excuse me,” she stammered, “but… have you… lost this?” Her hands trembled as she pulled the little accessory out of her bag, but judging from the way his mouth fell open and his eyes grew wide, he was equally as stunned as she was. Nervously she reached up to brush a feathery lock of hair from his face; his hair was pulled back in a ponytail, so she couldn’t be exactly sure that this was the same man who had enchanted her last night.

As if on cue, he put down his bag of fish-shaped buns and pulled his hair out of the hairtie, allowing it to cascade around his shoulders and tumble down his back.

As if that hadn’t already confirmed her suspicions, MC lifted the ribbon and placed it gently in his hair. In the glow of the setting sun, its scarlet hue shone vividly, perfectly matching the sparkle in his eyes.

“It’s a pleasure to see you again, princess,” he murmured, and a shy smirk played onto his lips. “Have you been… looking for me?”

MC felt a coy grin tug on the edges of her mouth as well, but the salty tears that were beginning to sting the corners of her eyes were probably ruining the effect. “Only for my entire life,” she breathed.

A Cinderella who dared to dream.

A princess who dared to wish.

Their fates overlapped by chance,

But were now sealed with a bean-flavored kiss.

This is my piece with @/watereddowncoffee on instagram for the @mysme-rbb! I hope you enjoy our fairy tale!

[sprawa-przybyszewskiej]

I cannot claim to know about this play more than some others (Ewa Graczyk, Jagoda Hernik-Spalińska, Kazimiera Ingdahl and Maria Janion, in alphabetical order, are the official Horsewomen of the Apocalypse in this topic), with a lot to bring to the table, and so I will sometimes discuss parts of it which are - at the very least at the first glance - absolutely and doubtlessly simple; but  by discussing them I hope to be able to bring into the discussion some new material, new evidence, perhaps - for the contrary of the popular belief.

I remember when I first read the scene between Danton and Robespierre, I was completely mystified, just as Maxime. To somebody who at that point knew nothing about the historical events, the exchange between them was very logical (and everyone knows how hard it is to obtain, especially in a piece of media where the author blatantly favours one of the characters over another). I am very glad then, to be able to say that while Przybyszewska did everything she could to humiliate and belittle Danton in the more visual aspects of the scene - his gestures, movements, actions, mimicry, even the sound of his voice etc.  - she didn't bother making him out to be a complete clown. His arguments are populistic, but that's not necessarily a bad thing when you're n politician aspiring to be even more than that. Perhaps she thought that painting him out to be a weakling would somehow diminish Robespierre's awesomeness, which is a valid concern. For Robepsierre has little left to do in this scene - it is made out to ba a confrontation between them, of sorts, but is it one, really? I don't think so, not for the large part of it. Robespierre comes in, dishes out few sarcastic lines, looks at Danton with disgust and contempt and then crushes him in a yet another sarcastic line and then leaves. There isn't that much he can do not only to participate in the exchange, but to be visually and audially appealing to the audience as a character in a play. And even though we all know staging The Danton Case is a secondary affair, the main thing you can do with it is to read it and ponder over it, when you do stage it, a lot of responsibility rests on the actors recreating the part. Which is why choosing a good actor can, potentially, make all the difference, sometimes going as far as completely changing the way you view the very same scene you read earlier.

I have always assumed by "the same man" they meant Robespierre. It makes some sense in the light of the conversation, altough I have to admit it makes little sense in the light of Robespierre's reaction. The question thus presented to us is: do we go by what is written, do we percieve a play as a piece of fiction in a real world, OR do we immerse ourselves in the fictional world, suspend our disbelief and for a moment treat it as an alternate reality of sorts?

Polish director Jan Klata has managed to put on stage a compelling retelling of The Danton Case and I would like to present to you a scene from his version, which we're lucky enough to have on YT, with translation courtesy of @that-one-revolutionary​. I've seen the play in its entirety: some metaphors were heavy-handed to say the least, some aspects I wish he'd done differently, but all in all, when choosing the main protagonist, the director casted in the role a truly splendid actor (please note that Marcin Czarnik was young. Young! It made all of the difference and it's worth watching if only for that), who brought home some of the points of character of Robespierre's which could have easily been brushed aside in order to highlight some other aspects of the conversation (the most famous example of this would be the very same scene from Wajda's movie, where the appealing and in all aspects imposing Gerard Depardieu dominantes the scene, thus presentign it in a very different ligt). While it can be read as a political statement, or a match of two great personalities, or a display of cunning on either part, Klata (or Czarnik; it's hard for me to say what the director tried to do with it, a lot of Robespierre's quirks, mimicry, gestures etc. seemed to come directly from the actor, which I can only say because I've seen him in other things and that's sort of his style of acting; all in all, I'll try to treat this not as a discussion over this particular staging, because for that I lack needed data, but it's unavoidable in the long run at least at some points, so please bear that in mind) treats the conversation itself as a minor thing in comparision to what is going on in Maxime's mind at the moment.  Just look at this: there is no significance brought into their meeting, no change of the scenery, nothing indicates this meeting is special in any way. The logical conclusion is, then:  it's not special. Both Danton and Robespierre seem to treat this as a step which cannot be avoided, but which bears no great weight either. The only reason they agreed to make this step altogether is - for "the same man". For Camille.

I do think Przybyszewska's intention was actually to disguise Maxime under this vague title. If this is a play about love - as I will always state it is - she wanted to underline the fact some people will be hatefully loved by those who are beneath them, who have nothing whatsoever in common with the object of their affection simply because the loved one is so great, so genius, so shining and bright it is impossible not to love them. I think this is the relationship between Danton and Robespierre (that is, on Danton's part) up until this point in the play. Danton idolizes Robespierre against his will (against both of their wills, really), because Robespierre is truly made out to be a demi-god at the very least. If you could team up with a hero like this, you should. So Danton goes through a humiliating process of trying to reconcile with Maxime, because humiliation, if everything paid off in the end, would be worth it. That Robespierre doesn't reciprocate the affection is simply a further proof that he is above Danton in every way.

Klata-Czarnik duo seems to have gone into another, subtler direction though. The man that both politicians make an exception for seems to be Camille, moreso because Robespierre loves him than because Danton has any special feelings for him. What is his relationship with Camille, anyway? They are cordial enough, but always a bit on the edge, and we know that Danton doesn't know everything that Camille thinks and feels in regards to Robespierre, mostly because he doesn't care that much, but also because he is characterised as a brute, and this simply goes above his head, it's too subtle, too delicate of a feeling for him to know it. It is also clear he knows Camille pretty well, but he doesn't know his soul, so to say. Therefore, he cannot actually love him, not to the point to make him the one and only excpetion from his otherwise coldly and precisley calculated plans.

Is there, however, a scenario in which Camille could be Danton's exception? Yes, when it becomes more about Robepierre than about Camille. When Camille is sort of offered as a mean to lure Robepierre in. Danton could make this exception only if it meant getting what he wanted (which is later mirrored by his blatant admission that the only reason he lets Camille take the fall with him is to deny Robespierre any joy in life after this point).

Robespierre, however, doesn't see it this way. He actually makes the exception for Camille and I think Danton's words – whatever he means by them, whichever interpretation we think is correct – put him on alert, for the fear of having his secret discovered. In the video linked above it is even more than that – once Robespierre hears Danton indirectly name "the same man", he gets aggressively defensive. For him to have someone like Danton talk almost openly about what he treats as his personal secret (a secret that Danton, being in great familiarity with Camille, could potentially know for certain) is equal with defiling it. I have violated your secret. Do you know what he says in the original? I have raped your secret. It really brings into the focus how much “the secret” needs to be protected, and how much it will hurt Maxime once it’s uncovered and destroyed.This is what he fears pretty much for the entirety of the conversation, his suspiscion somewhat confirmed when Danton says: No catchphrases, Robespierre. I know you.

As I mentioned earlier, the shift in my reading of the scene was prompted by the video. It is worth observing what exactly does Robespierre do when mentioing Camille by surname – he gets visibly more upset, he ponders for a split second for the best way to talk about him. His choice of words is interesting as well:

Both translations here are poor and I quite like what that-one-revolutionary did with it. "Katarynka" is a music-box, so "an instrument" fits much better (not to mention the obvious English connection to the phrase "play like a fiddle", which is adequate here). A parrots is after all a living being, something with a will of its own, if steered by more powerful handlers. But admitting that Camille, from his own free will decided to go against Maxime and everything that Maxime believes in is much harder for Robespierre than calling him an inanimate object, which can be unwittingly used by people with their own agenda. That leaves Camille almost blameless, perhaps careless and foolish, but not responsible fo anything that has transpired.Calling him names serves another purpose as well, which is to steer away the suspiscion that Robespierre protects Camille becuase he cares about him in a special way. He knows there are Danton's accomplices turning ears by the door, so he doesn't want to give himself away with his care and concern.

Ultimately, what do you believe, whom do you think they were referring to I think says a lot about what you think about Maxime's state of mind at the time. Danton's too, though, it can be used as a litmus test whater or not you believe he was honest in idolising Robespierre and offering him his adoration and obedience. In some stagings it will be presented as true, in some as a lie, and that's the beauty of adapting a piece of literature, there are so many options, all blooming from the same roots.

[defdaily]

KNIGHT Magazine March 2021 Issue featuring JAY B

Translated by defdaily

JAY B: Back to the starting point, to set off again

At first sight, Jay B does not seem to have the looks of a popular “Flower Boy”; he has single eyelids typical in Korean boys, and the corners of his eyes crescent up with warmth and pureness as he smiles, drawing people close to him. “Sexy”, “Steady”, “Introverted”，“Warm”，“Sharp” and “Domineering” are all words fans use to describe him. These seemingly unrelated characteristics come together in Jay B and sparks a charisma that is unique to him.

9 years on since debut, he is an all-rounder who sings, dances and composes and his vibrant abilities are obvious to all. However, the entertainment industry is a place that is never short of talent and worthy competitors. Being GOT7’s leader and facing the responsibilities and stress, he did not go down an easy path. Through the endurance, he figured out his own direction of growth and pace - one that is neither nervous or rushed but instead calm and steady. The start of 2021 ushered in the end of his artistic contract and signing new companies, but that did not affect his pace; he made a comeback with his members, writing songs and preparing for his solo album, continuing to do what he is good at, facing the odds calmly and confidently, “2021 to me is a brand new start; I will return to the starting point and start anew.”

Embracing the essence, upholding greatness

Looking through Jay B’s portfolio, he went through many profile changes in the early years. From being an aspiring B-boy, to debuting as an actor, as a boy group duo JJ Project, and 2 years later debuting as GOT7 leader. At every stage, he did his best in whatever he wanted to do. Grabbing every opportunity and going forward earnestly. For dance, he once gave up on his studies and joined a professional dance group very early on. After debuting as a leader, in order to shoulder the responsibilities, he reigned in on his youthful flippance and impetuousness and learned to be tolerant. Through several details, he is managing well. When appearing on variety shows as a group, he made efforts to ensure that every member had the chance to showcase their talents. Before showcases, he is obviously nervous himself but would never forget to remind the others to drink up. He even prioritized group activities over his own, concertedly rejecting solo activities arranged by the company. Till date, he is still the one with the least solo activities. “Instead of myself, it would be better for the other members to begin their solo activities first.”

He is clear-cut and is never trapped between choosing one thing over the other. As a trainee, he also experienced a rebellious phase where he wanted to give up. When he did not know what he wanted, he would follow his heart. He once wrote on SNS “Do whatever you want. If you really love something, then follow your heart and do it.” His motivation sets him on a simple path; start off with love, and put in all his effort into it, working hard to hand in his best submission. He assigned the name Def. to his solo writing, which holds the meaning of “the best, the greatest of all”. Years ago, he had said in a variety show, “When I grow a little older, I must become a truly cool celebrity, and a multi-talented artist.” At that time, when faced with many fresh opportunities, he eagerly leapt forward to try them out, to bloom from all corners. Later, interviewers asked him what his future plans are for the next 5 years, and he said, “Definitely to continue my music-related work, and if my body allows me to, I will continue dancing.” And now, his dreams have more definitively settled on the area of creative music composing, hence, when asked whether he would consider moving into acting again, he said, “Now I can’t fully embody and express a character, but I think I should learn and understand deeply before going into acting. Learning to have restraint and storing one’s potential will help with a better start.

I will open up my heart

Some say the creative must embrace change at all times and maintain a keenness for observation; similarly, Jay B’s awareness of the world is astute and meticulous. He observes life through film lenses, and reflects upon his own feelings in the process. “Through the photos I take, I discovered that my photos are people-centric, and I often am curious about what they are thinking, how they are feeling at that very moment.” The happiness and sorrows of people often differ from one another, but they always leave marks. He likes to record down his surroundings, the people around him and the banalities of everyday life, and incorporate them into his creative works. For example, when writing the song “Rainy”, he laid out photos that he took on a rainy day on the floor of his studio, began arranging and rearranging them, and pondering over the sequences. Thus led to the birth of a rainy love story.

Whether it is on stage or composing music, the ever-changing styles he expresses are undoubtedly based on thoughts and experiences in life. In addition to photography, reading books, watching movies and having conversations with people who have experienced life are all some ways in which he draws inspiration from. “In the future I would like to ponder over everything that I experience genuinely in my life, and describe my true thoughts and feelings. It may not necessarily have to be positive; sometimes it can also be a form of relief by expressing the negativity in a straightforward manner.”

Having been in the spotlight of the entertainment industry for many years, he is no stranger to receiving criticisms, yet he always digests it quietly. His warm, honest aura, along with his sensitivity and sympathetic nature, creates a juxtaposition in his personality. On the performing stage, he is cool and powerful, as if he has an unlimited source energy waiting to be released. In everyday life, the same Jay B he stores that energy and softens up, creating an entirely different image. He is used to treating others with kindness, and knows how to live as himself: “Instead of paying attention to the criticism and living like someone else, I would rather be myself and accept the criticism.” He loves life, and likes to play with his three cats. He remembers a funny incident, “One of my cats likes to lick the carpet, so there was one time I accidentally stepped on the carpet and almost fell.” Like many young folks, during his leisure time, he reads and sleeps to relieve stress. When his schedule is packed, he would take a stroll at the working site, sometimes taking photos and videos and sharing them along the way. He has his own world, but it is not locked up at all; it is wide open and welcome for everyone to visit. There was once where he read a word in a book that reminded him of b-boying, so he simply left the house and b-boyed along the streets, posting a clip of it on SNS. He thinks that the name that Chinese fans call themselves sounds nice, but he also likes calling everyone “best friend”. Realizing he might sound impolite, he carefully added that it does not mean he does not like the former, just like an old friend with no filter who says what they want but never fails to consider your feelings.

Tackling the unknown is full of delight

“Unknown challenges, to me, are very interesting. I find tackling new things to be a really great thing.” In this new year, with a new company and new plans, Lim Jaebeom has started on his journey of transformation. Taking on a path that he has to take alone, even though he may still be adapting to this new identity and role, “I am really alone now, it feels fascinating yet a little awkward.” He understands to cherish, and wishes to continue making even greater music for the group. He also looks forward dearly for his music to find a place of its own in the music sphere. Being faced with the challenges that await him, he is eager to create a world of his own. At a certain program where he was asked by his members, “Are you happy?”, he hesitated and replied: “I don’t know.” In fact, he is just like the music that he writes - it does not shock or excite but you will never get bored of it after repeated listens; the kind of music he pursues is not one with intricate formal design or various showy techniques, but one that expresses of real and honest emotions triggered by real and honest events.

As he faces the ebb and flow of the tide calmly and inches closer to his dreams with each step, he is still the young boy he was before, fiery passion in his gaze, sincerely embracing change, maturing and growing through it. Perhaps he might not know when his personal happiness will arrive, but he has never stopped looking for it. For his era is imminent.

[dennou-translations]

Tokushima Shinbun Interview with Yano Shougo

Interviewing Yano Shougo-san, who has starred for the first time in the topical anime “Given” and is originally from Tokushima. “I wanted to be an actor that would make people go, ‘I’m glad I entrusted the role to him’.”

Yano Shougo-san (30), who is from Tokushima and belongs to the troupe Super Eccentric Theater (SET), played a starring role for the first time as a voice actor in the anime “Given”, which aired from July to September on Fuji TV. “Given” is a heartrending story that centers itself around a romance between men from the same rock band. Having received high evaluations for his acting and singing voice, which portrayed with excellence the delicate emotions of the protagonist, Satou Mafuyu, Yano-san has told us about the feelings he put into the role and about his future goals.

Raw || Index || Ko-fi/PayPal ( ╹◡╹)っ’･*

——Good job on your first starring. Please tell us again about your impressions from when you were entrusted with the leading role.

Thank you very much. Playing a leading role in an anime series was my goal for 2019, so when my manager contacted me saying that I had passed the audition, I was happy to the point of shedding tears, but at the same time, I was also relieved. I could not sleep a wink the day before the recording of episode one, and at any rate, I was nervous. On the recording day, I was thinking as I headed to the studio, “It’d be great if the recording were tomorrow”, but I got over it a little by the moment that I thought, “If this anxiety would continue until tomorrow, then it’s actually better for it to be today!” and I remember relaxing straight away at it

——Yano-san, your fragile voice was a perfect fit for Mafuyu. What did you keep in mind when performing him? Were there any points that differed greatly in comparison to the roles you have been playing until now?

Mafuyu has an extremely painful past, unable to move a single step from where he was, as he bore a huge wound. Still, he has proper thoughts and feelings of his own, as well as a stubborn side, and though he has a mild and introverted personality, I figured that he was someone who had a strong core.

Other than that, when I saw him playing basketball with his friends, smiling and earnestly absorbing himself completely in music, I had the impression that he was a “high school boy that you can find anywhere”. This was something I always cherished when performing.

I have played uke roles before, but this was the first one where so many of my lines were “...” (laughs).

——What parts of Mafuyu do you think you have in common, Yano-san, and what parts are the total opposite of you?

I think we are just a little bit alike in that we are greedy about the things we like, and we are unable to concentrate on anything else when there is something that we need to do our best in order to achieve. What I feel to be the opposite is that Mafuyu gives off the impression that he is a big shot in some way, even without speaking much, while I am talkative and shy (laughs).

——You were also in charge of singing the insert song and ending theme song.

I knew ever since the audition phase just how essential Mafuyu’s song was for the series, so rather than my being happy about singing, the pressure was much more prominent. As a matter of course, the frequency of my voice training soon increased, and learned the basics and techniques of singing as much as time allowed me to. When I was first told about the composition, I thought, “This song was made for Mafuyu’s sake”. That is exactly why, rather than the technique, I reflected about why and how Mafuyu would be singing those lyrics, as well as the emotions that would be overflowing from him, and I thought I should sing it with care, without sugarcoating it.

——What did you keep in mind when singing as Mafuyu?

The song that Mafuyu sings bears his definite resolve to face his past and live in the present, thus I believed that I had to make it into something like a love confession, so to say - a song that could be sung because Mafuyu was the one doing it. For this, of course, technique was important, but I kept in mind that it would be okay even if it was rough-hewn or even if my voice faltered, as long as I sang in a way that would spit out everything Mafuyu had been shouldering.

——Although Noitamina has produced countless master piece animes, this has been their first Boys Love (BL), a series that depicts romance between males, so was there anything you were particularly conscious of when performing?

There was not. Just as I do when performing roles from other series, I performed while keeping in mind that I was going to live in the world of “Given” as Mafuyu with all my might.

——I believe there was such a huge response to “Given” due to its painful content, but did it get to your ears?

There are many fans of the original work not only in Japan but also overseas, so I became aware once again of the popularity of “Given”. That is just how high the expectations were for the anime adaptation, and I wanted people to like it even more when watching the anime, so I was truly happy when I actually did get evaluations like that on Twitter, etc.

——The airing of the anime “Given” is over, but a movie adaptation was green-lit. Please leave a message for the fans.

The story of “Given” will continue from now on too. I hope everyone can watch over what kind of sounds will come from Mafuyu’s song, Given’s (as in the band that Mafuyu and the others formed in the show) music and their romance from now onward.

——From here on out, Yano-san, I want to ask you about yourself. It seems you wanted to be an announcer at first.

I had the vague desire to move into the television business, and from yet another vague motive of wanting to become an announcer and engage with my favorite variety show, I started thinking in my third year of high school that I wanted to be an announcer.

——Why did you aim for voice actor from there?

After graduating from high school, I took a gap year in order to attend university, and during that time, I watched “Neon Genesis Evangelion” as per a friend’s recommendation, so with this as the trigger, I became interested in anime. I had almost never watched anime until then and was unfamiliar with voice actors, so I was shocked when I read in the end roll that Ogata Megumi-san was the one who played the role of Ikari Shinji, a boy, thus I became interested in them.

——Was there anything you put effort into in order to become a voice actor?

During my gap year, I watched many animes, looked up the voice actors that piqued my curiosity and imitated their acting, and performed lines from anime and manga with as much emotion as I could. I also bought a training book for becoming a voice actor and practiced enunciation while keeping it a secret from my family.

——What are the details of your joining SET?

I was was part of a the theater research association in university, but when I was in my fourth year, I once gave up the way of an actor and went job hunting. Even so, I wanted to have a job that was related to acting, so I took the recruitment test of a major production company hoping to become a manager, but during the individual interview, the person in charge told me, “Are you really all right with giving up on becoming an actor? If you want to be a voice actor, then go study theatre”.

And so, I began wanting to challenge myself one more time, so I stopped job hunting and after looking into audition magazines, I took an audition to become a research student of SET, where I could learn the essentials for musical, action and comedic theatre. I became a research student at 23, and after about a year of lessons and a graduation performance, I became an official member at the age of 24.

——Please tell us about the works and roles you did before your voice actor debut.

During my first year in becoming a troupe member, I played the role of Saburou, the protagonist of the TV anime “Nobunaga Kyousoukyoku”, as a motion actor - the kind of actor who does the gestures that are used as base for the characters’ movements.

I also participated in the troupe’s own public performance. It was a role where I had to drink coffee and say only one phrase, “It’s sweet”. It was a sentence that connected with a funny punchline, so I had been thinking all along about how I should act it out in order to induce laughter, and even during the performance, I did many attempts.

——After that, you debuted as a voice actor in the anime “Yu-Gi-Oh! ARC-V”.

When I was selected, I was really happy to be able to take the voice acting job that I had once given up on. I was brimming with confidence for some reason, even though I had no experience points. But when I went to the studio, I was no good at all; I would get nervous every week and had to stay overtime a lot, so I honestly hated going to the studio (laughs). Even so, thanks to the director and all the co-stars not throwing away someone like me, who did not know left and right, and instead nurturing me during the three years of “Yu-Gi-Oh! ARC-V”, I changed my thinking and posture in regards of acting.

——Afterward, you became capable of being entrusted with important roles, such as in “iDOLM@STER SideM” and “Tsurune —Kazemai Koukou Kyuudoubu—“, but were there any parts of them where you could feel your own growth?

In that I started thinking it was fun to perform. Even now, I still get nervous when going on-site, but as I would read the script, think about the role and create a foundation for my acting, I feel like I have become able to perform in front of the mic by responding to the acting of the person playing the other role, without thinking about unnecessary things, little by little. The moment I feel that the air has set to motion and it has turned into a drama is, if nothing else, enjoyable. I started having challenges, aspirations and goals for myself, such as, “I want to perform like this more” or, “I could bring this role into life more if I performed like that”.

——What are the fun and difficult parts of voice acting? Please tell us about your future goals too.

I believe the fun in being a voice actor is that we can perform roles that would be difficult in filming or on a stage.

There are many things that you can only learn in a recording site. When I go to them, I find a whole lot of people who are better at acting than I am, so I have to earn a role for myself. I fail most of my auditions and get depressed each time. Even so, I want to keep showing up in those series and play a role that moves the story. I always strongly think that I want to become an actor who can make people go, “I want to use Yano for this” and, “I’m glad I entrusted this role to Yano”.

——From now on, between actor and voice actor, which one to you plan to put more strength into?

Voice actor. That being said, in order to broaden my ranges as an actor too, I think I have to take on all kinds of jobs that require technique for different facial expressions on-stage. For us voice actors, charming people are mostly those who are also charismatic on the stage, so I think I also want to become a charming actor.

——Are you able to return to Tokushima regularly even now?

I make sure to go back as often as I can during summer vacation and New Years.

——Are there any parts of your life in Tokushima that have been put to good use in your acting jobs?

I seldom have any chance to come in contact with anything related to acting in Tokushima. Even if I had interest in voice actors and acting, wanted to attend a training school or thought about going to watch a play, they were all things that could not come true if I stayed in Tokushima. That is why I created many opportunities to come in contact with acting after moving to Tokyo, such as joining my university’s theatre research association and attending a school where I could study voice acting. I think I could cultivate something like a hungry spirit exactly because I used to live in Tokushima.

——If there is anything or any place in Tokushima that you like, please tell us.

Awa Dance, I guess. I did not like it that much when I was little, but after I became an adult, the group dance I watched from a box seat was stunning, and it made me so emotional that I started crying.

Also, the park that my grandfather often took me to when I was a child, though I don’t know if it still exists. I would put rice balls and pickled horseradish in a big plastic container and go there. I have memories of eating them with cold tea from a polyethylene teapot with my grandfather, after playing badminton. I want to do the same with my children and grandchildren when I become a parent and a grandpa.

——Yano-san, since you have made your dream come true, please leave a message to the young people who are chasing their dreams in Tokushima.

Time passes in a flash. For now, please do what you can with all your might. It can be anything, like classes, club activities, cultural festivals, sports festivals or romance.

If there is anything you can work your hardest in over there, please try facing it with all you have. It will certainly become a sustenance for your life from this point onward. I believe that it is better to do something and regret it than to regret not having done it.

Should there be anyone aiming to become an actor, please take action while constantly thinking about how you can get closer to the future that you have as your goal. I think there are surely many things you can do even if you are in Tokushima.

If you do not know what you should do after doing a research and reflecting on it, have courage and go consult someone who can give advice. Nothing is in vain, but rather than spending time not thinking about anything, I believe that spending time thinking about whatever is more worthwhile.

Please do your best. I will do my best too.

——Please leave a message for the fans who are cheering for you from Tokushima.

Thank you so very much for supporting me. The other day, when I took part in a recital play being held in Tokushima, I was able to show my acting to my family for the first time. They were very pleased.

Most events are held in the Tokyo Metropolitan Area, so I believe that people cannot go watch them even if they want to. My wish for more and more people to experience an event in Tokushima and see me working has become even stronger.

I will be doing my best from now on too in order to be able to take part in more series, play all kinds of roles, get to do an event in Tokushima again someday and have people come talk to me. I will be counting with your continued support from this point onward too.

[marvelslut16]

Your usual?

Pairing: Jack Castello x reader

Synopsis: (Y/N) is a waitress at a diner down the street from Ace studios. Many aspiring actors and actresses end up there each day after being rejected. But she becomes friends with one of her regulars, Jack Castello. She falls in love with him over many cups of coffee, but will he love her back, especially since she’s only a waitress?

Word count: 2,232

Warnings: (Y/N)’s parents and best friend are assholes. Like one swear word I think. A slight sexual innuendo. 

A/n: I didn’t expect so many of you guys to like my last Jack fic! Thank you guys so much for the support, it means the world to me. Truthfully, I have a love hate with this fic, but I hope you guys like it more than I do lmao.  Obviously this spoils the plot of the show.

You worked in a little diner down the street from Ace studios, it was made from the body of an old metro dining car. Respectively named crossroads diner, you had to wonder if there was a double meaning. Alex, the owner, swears that it's named after railroad crossings; but it made you think about the whispers about men and women selling their souls to make it big here in Hollywoodland. You didn’t dwell on the name too much, it paid good money and you got good tips. So every day you wake up and put on your uniform: a blue collared dress, sensible black heels, and a little white apron.

You get a rush of customers right after noon everyday, dejected men and women in their late twenties and early thirties fill the diner. You had lots of regulars, aspiring actors and actresses coming to eat their sorrows away and drown in bottomless coffee when they don’t get picked to be a walk on. But by far, your favorite regular was Jack Castello. He always ordered a cup of coffee- black, and a cheeseburger with a side of fries. 

Jack Castello the owner of the biggest most beautiful blue eyes to ever exist. He’s so bright eyed and bushy tailed that you envy him, the joy the smallest things in this town can spark. Even though you aren’t supposed to, it's bad for business and your tips, you always find time to steal away and talk to him when he stops in. If he flashed you those blue puppy dog eyes, you swear you’d do whatever the man asked you to.

It had been months since Jack had last come in, every day you would watch the door and hope he would enter. But he never did, you wondered how he was, what he was up to these days. So when the bell jingled alerting you that another customer had entered the diner, you didn’t even bother to hope. Your coworker's infant was sick so you picked up her shift for her, so you had been on your feet for close to twelve hours now, you just wanted every customer to leave. But then you looked up and saw those bright blue eyes, and could quite literally feel your spirits rise as you smiled at Jack. 

“Well look who finally came back to visit me,” you grin, leaning on the counter that stood between you two. He had brought a friend with him tonight, who was smiling at the interaction between you and Jack. They took seats at the bar top, Jack didn’t bother to pick up one of the menus. 

“It’s been a while,” he gave you a soft smile, as you grabbed the fresh pot of coffee from behind you to pour him a cup. He just grins at you for a minute before his friend clears his throat, causing Jack to turn and smile at the man. “This is my buddy, Archie.”

“Pleasure to meet you sweetheart,” you smile politely as you shake the man's hand. “What can I get you tonight?” you lean across the counter pulling out your notepad for his order. 

“I’ll have a coffee too,” he glances at Jack who is already halfway done with his cup. You laugh, grabbing another cup for Archie before topping Jack’s off. “But other than that I’m not sure, Whatcha’ getting Jack?”

“Probably his usual, an american sizzler with a side of  hot chips?” he grins and nods at you, those big blue eyes practically glowing in excitement that you remembered what he likes. 

“It’s a cheeseburger and fries,” Jack clarifies, even though Archie had already known. You hide a smile of amusement behind your own cup of coffee as Archie gives you a look that screams are you kidding me. 

“I’ll take the same,” he says before smiling at you. 

“Great, that should be up shortly,” you grin at both men. You quickly take the note to the chef, before filling other patrons drinks. 

You don't get back over to Archie and Jack until their food is done, much to your disappointment. Luckily, most of the other customers had left so you could stay and chat with them. Jack explains, between large bites, that he became a contract player at Ace studios and that’s why he hadn’t come in in weeks. 

“Wow sugar!” you grin so wide that it hurts your face, ignoring the fact that he left a few months out of his explanation. “That’s fantastic! Something tells me you’re gonna make it big!” 

“Archie sold a script and I’m auditioning for the lead!” he practically bounces in his seat, and one glance at the silver ring on his finger reminds you that you have to ignore the way your heart flutters. 

“That's amazing! Both of you!” you turn to look at Archie now. “So what’s the script?”

“It’s about Peg Entwistle,” his face lights up as he talks, making it obvious that he truly loves writing. “The British woman who jumped off the hollywoodland sign after she got cut from the movie she was in.”

“Oh wow, that sounds interesting,” you give Archie a sad smile. “Sad, but interesting. About being an outsider,” it comes out as more of a statement than a question.

“Yeah,” Archie nods. “So tell me, (Y/N), what brought you to Hollywoodland?”

“Well, I was doing community theater with my friend back home when a talent scout approached us,” you admit for the first time, lifting a weight you didn’t know you had, off your shoulders. “He wanted the two of us to come out here, audition for pictures together. He said we had great chemistry, and liked our banter.” 

“You never told me this,” there's sadness in Jack’s eyes and you can’t figure out why, it’s not something you go around telling people.

“You two are the first people I’ve told,” you try to reassure him. “Anyway, my parents didn’t want me coming out here, they said that I would never make it. I had saved up enough money to buy a one way ticket, and had enough left over for my friend and I to split rent for a few months. My parents parting words to me were not to crawl back to them when I got rejected.”

“What happened?” Jack is leaning forward, completely invested in your story. You blink back tears at the horrid memories of the fight with your parents, and then your friend abandoning you. 

“My parents were right. I wasn’t good enough for this town, sugar. My friend is a contract player now, she’s getting pretty famous too. The moment she knew she was good, the moment people started to treat her differently because she became this larger than life character the studio made her out to be, was the moment she started treating me like shit and left me. So now I’m a lonely struggling waitress, that’s the reality of this town.”

“I’m so sorry,” Archie’s voice drips with sympathy and empathy. 

“Thanks,” you smile, but it comes out as more of a grimace. 

“You should audition for Peg!” Jack practically shouts. 

“Oh no, my acting days are way behind me,” he seems to deflate at your words. “Anyway, slice of apple pie?” you gesture behind you to the last two pieces of pie left on the serving platter. 

“You know me so well,” Jack beams at you, blue eyes round and happy again. Making your heart flutter yet again. 

“Well I have to, gotta keep my favorite customer coming back,” your smile and tone are borderline flirtatious, and so is the way you lean across the bar top to get closer to him. 

Jack gulps as his eyes flick down to your lips, acutely aware of how close to two of you actually are. Archie smirks into his almost empty coffee mug, trying not to laugh at Jack’s reaction to you. Before Jack can lean forward and close the distance between you, something he was talking himself into doing, you pull away and grab the last two slices of pie for the men. 

You run to the kitchen to grab the bowl of homemade whipped cream, just because they put it in cans now didn’t mean the diner used them. There was no way they would taste as good. You put a giant dollop on Jack’s slice, knowing how much he loves the rich topping. You offer Archie some, giving him a dollop about the same size as his friends. There was a spoonful left in the bowl, quickly checking to make sure your boss and the cook weren’t around, you devour it. You look Jack directly in the eyes as you slowly lick the fluffy cream from the spoon. He chokes on his pie and goes red in the face as he watches you. This time Archie can’t hold back his laugh. 

“You okay sugar?” you feign innocence.

It had been months since that night in the diner. Jack hasn't come in since. You read in the paper that he was cast as the love interest in the movie, now entitled Meg and following an African American woman. “Good for him,” you murmur to yourself, happy that someone with so much talent and passion got the role. That Jack got it.

“Good afternoon (Y/N),” Archie’s grabs your attention from the counter you had been cleaning.

“Hey sweetheart,” your heart falls a little when you see that the tall dark haired man next to him isn’t Jack. This man is larger, has broader shoulders, seems like he’s all brawn. “Who’s this?”

“This is Rock,” you watch the way Archie’s hand caresses Rock’s shoulder after he gave it a pat during the introduction. “He’s an actor.”

“Nice to meet ya,” you smile at how flustered the larger man gets when you lean in close to him. “What can I get you both?”

“Two of Jack’s usual,” Archie answers, Rock just sits there, still flustered. 

“Comin’ right up,” you pour them coffee and head off with their order. 

“He’s getting a divorce,” Archie tells you as you set their food down.

“Huh?” you ask, trying to get the hope bubbling in your gut to simmer down. 

“Jack and his wife, she was cheating on him,” you gasp at the news. 

“Is he okay?” your brow creases in concern.

“Yeah, he’s hurting, but he’ll be okay,” Archie sounds so sure of himself. “He wasn’t in love with her anymore, don’t think he ever was.” 

“Give him my best,” you smile sadly. “And I hope your romantic endeavors fare better than Jacks,” you give Archie a knowing look, winking at the writer.  

More months pass without Jack or Archie stopping in. You read in the papers that there's a romance blossoming between Jack and up and comer Claire Woods. You held back tears, you never would have worked anyway. You were just a waitress, Jack was always going to end up with someone better, someone as talented as him. 

Bing Crosby’s silky smooth voice plays from the jukebox in the back corner, filling the entire diner with his words. It was early yet, the rush from the studio hasn’t come in yet. The bell jingles, you go to welcome the customer when your eyes meet familiar blue ones. 

“Jack?” you ask softly, shocked that he’s there. You quickly pour a cup of coffee for him, it’s sitting on the counter before he gets to his seat. “Your usual?”

“Not today,” you look up from your pad, shocked by his words. “I’m here for a date.”

“When will she get here?” you put on a fake smile, hopefully masking your hurt. 

“I don’t have a date, I need one,” he says confidently. “For Meg’s premiere.” 

“What about someone from the movie?” you ask, wondering why he came to talk to you about this. 

“No, no one from Meg,” nervousness swims in those deep pools of blue. “So will you go with me?”

“Me?” you ask, accidentally dropping your pad of paper. 

“Yeah you,” he gives you a dopey smile. “I really like you (Y/N), and I want you to be my date.”

“But-” your mouth opens and closes like a fish. “I-I thought you were with Claire, that’s what the paper said.”

“Claire is my friend,” Jack hops onto the counter and slides over to the inside, so he’s standing directly in front of you. His hand comes up to caress your cheek, you can’t help but lean into his large warm palm. “I only have eyes for you.”

“I like you too, Jack,” he leans down, finally capturing your lips with his. The rest of the world fades away, all you can focus on is how soft and plump his lips are. After months and months of pining, you finally got to kiss him!

“So you’ll go with me?” he asks between more kisses. 

“Of course!” you pull him back to you by the collar of his shirt. 

“You have to audition for my next picture,” Jack's blue eyes are loving and sincere. 

“I’ll think about it.” 

“Now that I have my date,” the pad of his thumb soft and soothing as it slides over your cheekbone. “I’m kinda hungry.”

“I’ll get you your usual, sugar,” you peck his lips one last time before shooing him back to the other side of the counter.

forever tags: @crimson-knuckled-queen​ @rexorangecouny​

people who were interested in me writing for Jack: @elleclairez​ @antoouu​ @dianaothemyscira​  @senethmamandi​ @daughterofthesunanditsangels​ @writeroutoftime​

[moonlit-han]

a truth universally (un)acknowledged | chapter one

(artwork credit to @jisungieart​)

genre: rivals-to-lovers, fluff, college au, theatre au pairing: han jisung x reader chapter word count: 1.9k warnings: suggestive, swearing request: yes (@jisungsjheekies)

✧ masterlist & tag list info in bio ✧

{prologue} {chapter one}  {chapter two}  {chapter three}  {chapter four} {chapter five}  {chapter six}  {chapter seven, part one}  {chapter seven, part two}

chapter one

“It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife.” — Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen (1813)

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ

It was in freshman year of college, the sixth week of classes, in Shakespeare for Theatre Performance Majors (THEA 200), halfway through the class period, just as the class prepared to perform their first monologues. You’d wanted to be assigned one of Prospero’s speeches from The Tempest. Instead, Jisung got to play Prospero and you ended up with one of Rosalind’s clever monologues from As You Like It. Not that you disliked Rosalind as a character, you simply wanted to have the fun of 1) not playing a girl for once in your life, and 2) wearing a long robe and getting to wave around a long staff. (There are few things that delight more than strutting around like some self-important wizard). 

You did your best with the monologue, pretending to hide behind a tree at times and speaking to an imaginary Orlando at others. You were as pleased as a cat who’d caught a canary with how well you’d performed, and the fact that your professor gave few notes made it all the better. You liked being the best at anything you did. Jisung was called up to perform after you, and he had brought a robe and a staff. You scoffed a bit because, until that day, he’d been a fairly good actor but nothing extraordinary. Oh, how wrong you were. Yes, his participation in class thus far had been exemplary, his integration of notes seamless, and his general affect lighthearted and kind. But again, he’d only been a fairly good actor, nothing extraordinary. So, seeing him play Prospero as he called down the elements to wreak havoc at sea was unexpected, to say the least. Jisung seemed to put every ounce of energy he had into the performance, and the class clapped when he finished. He, like everyone else, had received notes from the professor, but they were cursory comments. Jisung had done the proper research to play Prospero as well as he could, and then presented the monologue better than you ever thought possible—from a college freshman, that is. And, you hated to admit, better than you could’ve done.

Thus, your rivalry with Han Jisung began. 

At first it was distinctly one-sided, but you performed so well on the mid-term that Jisung noticed he wouldn’t be the sole star of the class. From then on, you and he vied for many of the same scenes to perform, the leading roles in the plays and musicals, and even the chance to mentor younger students once you were upperclassmen. Also, you consistently tried to perform better than each other in everything you did. The unofficial title of Best Actor in the Department (created by you and Jisung for your own purposes and, somehow, represented by a child’s gaudy tiara) bounced between the two of you. It must be said, though, it became more and more like a game with your steadily maturing attitudes and values. However, the one thing you both flatly refused to do was play love interests. If the two leading roles in a play were love interests, you would find different roles for which to audition to avoid that awkwardness.

And now, you were a senior and the reality of your impending graduation had just set in. 

As you walked down the hall to the costume shop for your shift, your best friend and roommate, Miri, caught your arms and swung you around.

“Y/N! Babe, did you see the posting? They’ve announced the next production!!” Miri was practically bouncing up and down as she spoke, which wasn’t unusual for her. “It’s a new adaptation of Pride and Prejudice—who are you going to audition for?” 

“Wait, really? Pride and Prejudice? I didn’t even know there was a stage version of that,” you said as Miri swung your now linked hands back and forth. “Hmmm, I guess I could audition for Jane? I don’t think I’d go for Elizabeth, since I really don’t feel like carrying a show next semester, you know?”

“But you’d make such a good Elizabeth Bennet! You have to audition for her!” Miri pressed you.

“Mir, no, I don’t want to have too much going on. Jane will be enough for me. Plus, I’m sure everyone will want to play Elizabeth—she is the lead, after all,” you said, finally extracting yourself from your friend’s grasp.

“But Y/N—” Miri whined.

“Come on, I want to ask if we’ll have to do extra shifts in the costume shop with the show coming up,” you interrupted and continued down the hallway.

When you got off from your shift sewing and repairing garments used in the last show, you went to the audition sign-up sheet on the Theatre Department Message Board. You saw a small knot of people huddled in front of the board, all waiting excitedly to put down their names. You joined the group just as Jisung sauntered up and stood beside you.

“So, Y/N, should we break our rule and go for Elizabeth and Darcy?” Jisung asked, knowing full well you’d never agree to it. He liked to tease you and you liked to tease him, just as long it didn’t end up as flirting. That would be bad.

“Jisung, you know that’s never gonna happen. I am never going to play love interests with you. My first choice is Jane, and after that I’ll just let Professor Greystone decide,” you said as you rummaged in your bag for a pen.

“Ah, the calm and lovely Jane . . . so you’d rather have a simpler role, huh? Too busy this year?” Jisung teased.

“No,” you replied sternly, “I’d just sooner have less to worry about than more. Who are you auditioning for, anyway? Wickham?”

“Nah, I think I’d do best as Mr. Bennet—play to my natural wit,” Jisung said casually, sweeping his hair up off his forehead. “It’d be perfect!”

“Sure, sure. Whatever you say, Jisung.” You’d finally found a pen and began to write your name and your role of choice under an audition time. 

Just when you’d finished, Jisung snatched the pen from your fingers. You were about to protest, but he’d already added his name to the list. Handing the pen back to you with exaggerated care, Jisung said, “See you at auditions, then, Y/N,” and strolled down the hall like he didn’t have a single care in the world.

You quickly glanced at the audition sheet again, and sure enough, Jisung had signed up for the slot right after you. Damn, that had to be the worst luck ever.

Two weeks later, the Department held auditions on Thursday and Friday afternoon in the main theatre. Most students auditioning were familiar with the space, especially those, like you and Jisung, who had performed in it before. The director, Professor Greystone, clearly wanted to see how each person reacted and adjusted to the size and acoustics of the theatre throughout their audition. The long hallway along the back of the theatre was full of students waiting for their time slot. It was eerily quiet, save for the occasional mutter as someone cursed themselves or their chosen monologue for one reason or another. Every fifteen minutes, the door would open to free one student only to swallow another into the maw of the theatre scant minutes later. All looked less stressed coming out than when they went in, but the tension in the air was thicker than strawberry jam. 

You’d been thinking about the auditions for nearly every waking moment over the past two weeks. Jisung’s comment about playing Elizabeth and Darcy had, somehow, stuck in your brain like the worst kind of repetitive song. There was a part of you that wanted to play Elizabeth—she had some of the wittiest responses to the hidebound and often dull comments made by those of her social circle, and you aspired to be as quick-witted. But, you didn’t want to risk being cast opposite Jisung. You didn’t think you could bring yourself to act, truly act, even remotely interested in him as a lover. You leaned against the wall, reading through your monologue and your notes for comfort more than anything, trying to clear your head of all else. The temptation of playing Elizabeth just would not go away, though. After another five minutes of fruitless reading and rereading, you paused. What if I did audition for Elizabeth? you thought, scarcely daring to even think it. Jisung surely wouldn’t audition for Mr. Fitzwilliam Darcy, right? He wanted to play Mr. Bennet so he could, in essence, play himself. It wouldn’t hurt for you to add Elizabeth to your list of potential roles—it was just another option. You’d been cast in enough leading roles in the past that there was a good chance Professor Greystone wouldn’t cast you in one again. Right?

“Y/N,” came the sing-song voice in your ear. You had to fight the urge to hit Jisung in the head as you glared at the young man who made it his business to annoy the daylights out of you.

“What, Jisung. What do you want,” you hissed under your breath, trying not to disturb the ten other people still waiting for their turn. “I’m trying to concentrate.”

“Oh, just saying ‘Hi.’ Break a leg, Y/N! Hope you get the part you want.” With that, Jisung walked back down the hall to sit on the floor with his ever-present headphones pulled down over his ears. You guessed it helped him filter out distractions. Although, it did make Jisung seem especially cocky, though, as if he didn’t need to study his lines or do anything else before an audition.

After twenty minutes or so, your audition time arrived. Of course, Professor Greystone and the other faculty had some general questions for you before you performed. They made it seem like part of the audition process, but the questions were really an excuse to let students adjust to the space. No matter one’s years of experience, the additional time always helped. Thus, the questions were simple. Yes, you’d read Pride and Prejudice—several times, in fact. No, you hadn't been aware of a stage adaptation before it was announced for the spring. No, your spring schedule was not full yet.

“Do you have any other questions, Y/N?” Professor Greystone asked, setting down her pen for a moment.

“Well, yes. Could I add Elizabeth to my preferred roles, please?” You smiled sheepishly, knowing Professor Greystone had probably expected this. 

“Of course, Y/N. I’ll consider you for the role, in addition to Jane,” replied your professor. “Could you perform your monologue for us now?”

With that, you took a deep breath, lowered your head, then raised it in character.

And then, you were done. You emerged from the theatre, a bit tired but happy with your performance. Jisung, who really was acting like your shadow these days, waited outside the door for his own audition.

“Break a leg, Jisung. You’d do wonderfully as Mr. Bennet,” you said, surprising even yourself as you gave the compliment.

“Thanks, Y/N,” Jisung said bemusedly as he watched you gather your things, settling your sweater and backpack on your shoulders. Still staring into space even after you rounded the corner at the end of the hall, Jisung bit his lip. Should I go for Darcy? he thought. There’s no way Y/N would audition for Elizabeth. She’s too scared we’ll end up being cast as lovers. Chuckling to himself, Jisung methodically put away his headphones, straightened his clothes, and took a deep breath. Opening the stage door, he thought, Hell, I’ll do it.

[for-peace-war]

No, really. Lovecraft Country sucks.

These are spoilers, but I also don’t give a shit because it’s a bad show and I hope you skim enough to fucking skip it.  I took a few days to decide if I hated it enough to write this and well, I do. 

I will try my best not to say “X is a bad actor,” but instead stick with the characters as they’re intended save for one particular issue.

The Story

It isn’t very Lovecraftian.  And don’t take this as me saying Lovecraft was some kind of master of his craft.  I think he was an absurd racist that used xenophobia as his guise for what truly horrified the sane mind. That being said, the element of the unknown is definitely the hallmark of his world and that in no way is represented in this show.  It could easily be called “Goosebumps: The Black Version” and it’d be just as authentic--if not more so, really.

The story deals with the Bible (?) and magic that comes from uh, knowing the names of things.  You speak a made up language and then you do some kind of confusing magic that has no real purpose or point.  I sound dismissive of this because I am, to be clear.  They could have just as easily had this language be something whites stole from Africans and then perverted into their own means of power (it’d be a pretty easy parralel to any number of imperialist issues left behind in Africa, huh.)

But anyway, it has a tentacle monster. I think we see a big scary octopus at one point.  But the monsters are often in your face and it’s probably less scary than Stranger Things S1.

Honestly, the characters repeat “autumnal equinox” so much that I felt I was going to have a fucking breakdown.  Just the writing is very empty and no one seems to really care about anyone else on the screen except for in a rare moment between the only two characters that make it far and matter. 

Characters

They aren’t very good.  There are tropes present, which isn’t bad at all, but the way the characters interact, speak, and in general move us through the story feels stilted, often nonsensical, and entirely reliant on the viewer assuming that the latest sentence spoken is the only one that matters.

Atticus “Tic” Freeman

A war criminal that derives his power from the white blood inside of him. Again, dismissive but true.  We see this man struggle to connect pieces to a puzzle and eventually he pays the price for it, but not in the way Lovecraft would have someone pay for endeavoring beyond their realm.  Rather, something about fate and a book. Look, honestly? Who gives a shit.  Tic murders a woman in coldblood and it’s never really touched on.  There’s a lot that could be said about militaries, oppression, etc, but we often see these characters enact violence and then the story skips merrily beyond it.  So yeah, he summarily executes a Korean woman and then is later shown torturing another, but it’s okay because he feels a little bad and fucks the Korean sex demon woman.  More on that later.   I felt nothing for him.  He didn’t have some deep animus over being a torturing war criminal.  He was just kind of moving through scenes and having confusing fights with his girlfriend/baby mama.

Letitia “Leti” Lewis

This is what empowerment shouldn’t look like. It amuses me that the show claimed to subvert some kind of norms when the primary love interest (and ultimate heroine) remains the lightest skinned sister in the room.  She is able to maintain the appeal of the ingenue while at the same time having the understood attractiveness of her complexion. As far as Leti is concerned as a character, she too seems to be a pretty shitty person.  We hear that she has “transactional” friendships and she seems pretty much all about self-survival and rarely if ever puts up where others do.  She’s a heroine in the sense that the story makes her be heroic, but it never addresses how her flaws are ultimately all self-inflicted and unnecessary.  She could just not be a shitty person.

Hippolyta Freeman

Well. Hidden Figures was an excellent film, and I think that’s where Hippolyta came from.  In a more serious series, perhaps she and her daughter could have had a very touching arc that would deal with survival and exceptionalism in a world that maligns you for your very being.  Unfortunately, in reality she just comes off as a character that’s quirky in a world that’s also quirky and she doesn’t get to harness her power. There’s an entire episode dedicated to how she discovers who she is and the result is well, her hair turns blue and she makes robots?  I think the character TYPE is great, but they misused her here in all ways.

George Freeman

Well, well.  If the series had remained about George, Tic, and Leti adventuring through America and encountering sundown towns and monsters both human and otherwise, I think it’d have been okay.  The issue is, they wrote this series by the numbers so George is immediately thrown away.  He’s a wise and circumspect guy that has his own flaws (he has patrarchical notions built around protecting/babying his genius wife, clearly), but the flaws he has are understandable and well reasoned. George dies early on.  Then he sort of doesn’t, I guess? But the fact he did was really the nail in the coffin for this series.  The moment they did that, the rest just became empty strokes.  A story where George witnessed the others dying and going back to his wife and daughter would have had so much more heart to it, but well.  Uncle George is literally one of the few bright spots.

Ruby Baptise

Much like her sister, Leti, Ruby is a terrible attempt at showing empowerent on the one hand, and a masterwork on the other.  The bad first: she’s a rapist.  I’ve been called a nigger before and while it didn’t feel great, I don’t think I’d have been justified in just sodomizing the person that did it.  That entire sequence was weird and they tried to hype it as her reclaiming something, when really it spoke to a disgusting and gratuitous tendency toward Ruby: she’s always too much. Ruby, IMO, should have been Tic’s love interest.  In a sense.  First, because Wunmi Mosaku was a very attractive woman with impressive acting chops (she’s where I’ll break my moratirum, sorry), but also because it wouldn’t be what you’d see in every other show now: light-skinned pretty sister, dark-skinned sexual eikon.  And that’s the issue with Ruby there: she’s always too much.  She’s sexual by existing and that isn’t necessarily to her benefit since Leti, the good one, is an actual virgin before her sudden period sex. So the narrative has already spoken as to how it views sex. Yet, because they tried to give Ruby these strange strokes, she comes out as an interesting character.  She has feelings, aspirations, and dreams that she’s kept from and that’s very real. In a story about the absurd, a sense of realness is a familiar handhold to gather your wits.  She’s all that, really.  It’s why she has the best relationships in the show, which is AGAIN an issue, but well. I’ll say Ruby was never bad to have on screen though I was disgusted with how often her blackess (and Blackness in general!) became the source of grotesque horror.

Christina Braithewaite

This is where I get annoyed.  My issue with Christina is that she should have easily been the most hated character, but they overplayed their hand with not showing how nefarious she was.  In fact? Christina and Ruby’s relationship is the only meaningful, real, and understandable one in the entire series.  I felt no joy during her downfall, because I didn’t really get to see her doing anything bad? Just, consider what the show is.  It’s about Lovecraft’s lore, ostensibly, which treats all non (specific types of) white men like dogs.  So Christina comes at it from the “white” but “woman” perspective and you know, she has moments of duality that you can say is she more white or woman here.  But they don’t execute on how sinister she should be.  She’s a little rude at times? Yet she is the only person to treat Ruby like she should be treated and she’s the only person that seems to have a goal outside of “the quest.” It really bothered me that she came out so well done, because either they needed to have her for two seasons and make her far more nefarious after the first, or to just make her less a force for good.  She saves the characters more than a few times and pays for it by being killed when she’s at her lowest.  Yeah, it’s... a weird take.  

Ji-Ah

What can I say?  There are depictions of sex in the series, and they’re all negative: most of Ji-Ah’s scenes, Montrose’s angry self-loathing sex with his boyfriend, Ruby’s morphic horror scenes.  In the case of most of those, there’s something being said.  Ji-Ah is a monster, literally, that could be seen as Lovecraftian in the sense she’s an exotic Asian woman that kills men that sleep with her.  So, HBO was like “we’ll blow our tits and ass budget on her,” and she exists for a series of sex scenes and vague, inscrutable... shit, maybe SHE is the most Lovecraft of all the characters! Anyway at some point she joins the party after confusing drama with Leti because they both fucked Tic.  It’s okay though, because Ji-Ah isn’t here for any of that now.  She’s the one who had the best friend that had her teeth yanked out by Tic, and also who was there when he shot her other friend in cold blood, but they get over that and she’s now their friendly red panda pal or some shit.  It’s fucking trash.   Much like the Freemans (sans Tic), I think she’d have done great in another show. But they rushed her story and it felt less Ghost Nation (Westworld) and more Masturbation (Jordan Peele).

Diana Freeman

Confusing.  A stock character (quirky kid that does art, is impetuous, and won’t take no for an answer) that is given a lot of screen time.  When she sort of hijacks an episode when two ragamuffin girls chase her down and infest her or something because racist cops.  Well, the story veers to her direction.  What can I say?  If you like 11 from Stranger Things but wanted her to have Mike’s attitude, well.  Here you go.

Montrose Freeman

He could have been a good character, I guess. He seemed unnecessary and often was there purely for an x-factor of “uh?”  Like, his infamous scene where he slits a two-spirit Native American’s throat after we learn that this indigenous person had just been restored after being raped by bad guys.  So there’s that.  Also I guess he was self-loathing so he beat his son (that may not be his son???) and also liked fucking dudes, which was I think where we were supposed to care about him. It’s like someone saw Omar was a gun-wielding desperado of drug theft and decided, “Well what made him okay is he’s gay!”  But it didn’t add much.  I get he was angsty but other than Tic calling him a “faggot” (one of the few good scenes between them in terms of emotion), it all seemed empty and kind of meandering. At no point does Montrose seem a part of the team.  He just half-mumbles, gets angry, cries, and falls apart.

Captain Seamus Lancaster

He’s barely a character, but I need to include him for another point. He’s the “bad guy.”  I guess?  He uses the bodies of black men to stay alive, which is actually a really smart reference to black bodies fueling the American system, but it comes off as cheesy because it just never comes up.  He’s cartoonishly bad in a way that he’s less sinister than a meme.  Compare him to say,   Ridgeway from Colson Whitehead’s The Underground Railroad. One’s a sinister representation of an oppressive system and the other’s well, a joke.

Racism

How could this not be a theme?  The issue, as was shown with Lancaster, is that it isn’t even remotely handled with seriousness.  The best scene of racism is in the first episode when Tic, George, and Leti are forced to leave a Sundown county before they’re lynched by the racist sheriff.  The anticipation and animosity lead to some serious anxiety and it was a nailbiter.

But after that?  White people say “nigger.”  Then they get, I don’t know, raped or spit on or who knows.  A lot of black people talk back to the cops anyway in the 50′s and that’s cool.

But the real monsters of the series are all black people.  Let’s go through it: 

Tic brutalized women in the Korean War.

Montrose killed the two-spirit person.

Ruby rapes the shop owner.

Diane crushes Christina’s throat.

Ruby literally sheds her flesh in repeatedly gratuitous acts of the grotesque.

Even Ji-Ah, who’s not black, is a monster in the literal sense.  We do see the doctor that experimented on black people, but that’s about 5 minutes at the end of an episode that has a baby’s head on a man’s body so I was too busy laughing at the absurdity to take any real meaning from it.

The truth is, in Lovecraft Country, white people always should do their best to kill or keep black people down.  It definitely doesn’t speak at all to any togetherness or what have you.  Just, well. Magical negroes doing bad stuff because nothing can stop them.

The show misses the chances to show real horror in race.  Hell, the Tulsa Riots are reduced to a backdrop for a confusing book scene.  But then again, Emmett Till becomes a kind of empty reference point that we then see a white woman act out... for some reason? 

Again, the only characters with any chemistry are Ruby and Christina, which is very unfortunate for any number of reasons. As far as a statement that racism is bad goes, I mean. I barely saw it.  If I was a racist I’d be like hell yeah, Lovecraft was right they are dangerous.

Even when people try to indicate the horrors of it like, “Oh, the Korean War scenes are bad because we see how men are forced into the military complex!”  We didn’t see a white officer say “Shoot her, boy,” it was just two black guys killing women with no care at all. And no compeuppance, so that’s cool.

The Music

Sucks.  Thanks Peaky Blinders for making modern music over gif sets a thing.

Conclusion

I sure as hell would never watch it again.  If I can get one other person not to, then maybe it’d be worth it. It’s not a good show.  It’s not “smart,” and there’s no secret subversion in it.  It’s just... bad.

I won’t post on it anymore.  Please, in true Lovecraft fashion, trust me when I say that this show is so bad it cannot be comprehended. 

[aion-rsa]

Why You Should Watch Young Royals

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This article contains some spoilers for Young Royals. 

WIth an overabundance of teenage-oriented romance shows on television at the moment, it can be hard to conjure up a reason to watch yet another one. Every streaming service seems to have something in the genre to fit a need, whether that be a gay protagonist, a female hero, or an ensemble cast. It’s very difficult to stand out amongst the crowd because there are very few places left untapped in exploring adolescent life styles. 

Enter Young Royals, a Swedish-produced LGTBQ romance drama that was released on Netflix at the beginning of July. When Prince Wilhelm (Edvin Ryding) is sent to boarding school by the Queen after getting in some trouble at a nightclub, he feels out of his element and overwhelmed with expectations. His only reprieve from the rigidity of this environment comes when he meets Simon (Omar Rudberg), a kind and charismatic child of an immigrant mother. 

Prince Wilhelm and Simon’s burgeoning relationship eventually turns into one of the most evocative and explorative love stories in contemporary queer TV. A keen understanding from the writers and actors of what can make a show like this stand out amongst a repetitive crowd of competitors is what will hopefully lead to enough viewership for many more seasons. Here are some more reasons you should watch Young Royals.

The Teenagers Actually Look and Behave Like Teenagers

Far too often the young people in coming-of-age entertainment vehicles look, act, and feel a little too mature for actual teens to relate to on any sort of deeper level. The actors who are casted infamously have birth dates well before the people they are portraying on-screen (Darren Barnet, who plays 16 year old Paxton Hall-Yoshida on Mindy Kaling’s hit series Never Have I Ever, is a whopping 13 years older than his character!) Not only does this force an unrealistic standard of beauty on the viewers to live up to, it also breaks up the immersive quality that truly great TV possesses to transport us to different worlds that connect to our own.

Edvin Ryding is 18 and Omar Rudberg is 22. With faces spotted with pimples and makeup sparsely used to mask other superficial blemishes on the actors, the people in this show seem like they could show up at any secondary school in your neighborhood and fit right in. This provides an authenticity to the storytelling that you simply don’t get with the majority of teen romance media. Perhaps the reason for such realism is because European filmmakers strive for higher artistic standards when filming, shunning the degrading expectations of sexiness and maturity that directors in the United States have grown obsessed with. Whatever the reasoning behind it is, the show’s casting is a breath of fresh air. 

The Story Skips the Often-Redundant Coming Out Journey

I want to start by getting one thing very clear: the coming out journey is one of the most important tropes used in LGBTQ movies and television; I wrote a whole essay on how Love, Victor’s exquisite and heartfelt depiction of this plot point helped me come out of the closet in my own life. When done properly, this storyline can be both inspirational and important to the young queer community. The problem is that far too often the coming out process is the only focus, and all of the other dynamics of gay teenage life get shelved and under-examined. 

Young Royals gives you a negligible amount of hand-holding when it comes to spelling out the sexuality of the two protagonists: Simon mentions in one conversation with his dad that he is gay, and Wilhelm’s own musings are so focused on the former that we know immediately how smitten he is with his charming classmate. There is a little bit of internal denial from Wilhelm when he tells Simon he “isn’t like that” after they share an awkward first kiss, but we know he’s kidding neither us nor his lover. 

The intense romantic energy is so new, raw, and real that there is no need for anybody to come out; it’s obvious that these two are gay as hell for each other and that discovery is absolutely beautiful. As mentioned, though, Wilhelm is a part of a royal family and publicly coming out as a celebrity is a whole different topic that the show sets up nicely for in a possible second season.

Sexual Expression is Explored on an Emotional Level

The show is rated TV-MA, but it can’t possibly be for nudity or graphic sexual expression. The passion between Wilhelm and Simon is certainly physical to an extent, but the little things, the tiny moments of young love are so much more meaningful than watching two actors maul one another like wild animals or porn stars. Short kisses in the forest, holding hands while watching a movie, and dropping off a quick breakfast in class are all amongst the enviable acts of emotional desire that are displayed from the characters. 

TV shows rarely understand what actual love looks like in the real world. It isn’t always 12 hours spent in the bedroom or excessive PDA in front of classmates and family. It’s what two people feel about each other that words can’t possibly describe. It’s an emotion that bonds a couple into one. Wilhelm tells Simon when professing his love midway through the season that nothing in his life feels real except for how he feels about him (a line improvised by Edvin Ryding). That’s so much more than a one-night stand or a cheap hookup and it’s something every other teen rom-com should learn from and aspire to emulate.    

A Delicate Discussion on Classism in Relationships 

A melancholy sticking point in the relationship between Wilhelm and Simon is their difference in social class. Wilhelm is the second-in-line to the throne of Sweden while Simon is the poor son of an immigrant mother who cannot afford to live on campus at the boarding school the characters attend. When the two boys are together, money and celebrity status become irrelevant. It’s an absolutely beautiful give and take where both kids get to learn how attraction has nothing to do with societal expectations and pressures, but keeping a relationship definitely does. 

When their love affair gets leaked in a sex tape á la Kim Kardashian, Wilhelm is expected to hide his sexuality and his desire for someone low on the social ladder. The way both young men work together to figure out a common ground solution is simultaneously touching and heartbreaking, as homophobia within the Swedish Kingdom makes the love forbidden and creates the main tension in the finale’s climax. Classism is such an underutilized topic in romance stories and Young Royals does a great job finding that fine line between forcing the issue and exploring it thoroughly. 

A Small, Strong Cast

Many shows that follow a romance struggle to give equal screen time to both parties. It can be tempting to flesh out the main protagonist more fully than divide attention among both characters. If you add in supporting roles around the couple it can get really flimsy in the hands of a shoddy screenwriting team. 

This show only has three true supporting roles: August, Sara, and Felice. This leaves plenty of material for both Wilhelm and Simon to be equals in spite of the central focus being on Wille. When you get to see the POV of each person independent of the other, it becomes a much richer experience and you are more easily able to sympathize with both young men instead of taking sides during a conflict. Their personal lives, especially their unique family dynamics help inform the audience about the romance. By the end of the six episodes, you feel like Wilhelm and Simon are amongst your own social circle because you know them intimately. That just doesn’t happen with most coming-of-age series. 

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All six episodes of Young Royals season 1 are available to stream on Netflix now.

The post Why You Should Watch Young Royals appeared first on Den of Geek.

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[littlequeenies]

BEBE BUELL: MUSING ON MUSES AND OTHER FANS

📷BEBE BUELLJUNE 17, 2020

Before embarking on a musical career of her own, Bebe Buell was a much in-demand model but was most often seen as the second fiddle to the famous rock musicians she was dating. She, however, saw herself as the Muse to these musicians, inspiring and sharing ideas with them. Inevitably, the term “groupie” would arise. As she says, “I’m not opposed to ‘groupies,’ per se. I just don’t like being called a name or being tagged like a sheep to slaughter’. Bebe elaborates on this idea for PKM.

I remember the first time I saw a photograph of Oscar Wilde. I was five and it was Easter. We were at the Virginia Beach home of my mother’s friends, Poppy and Tilly, who were hosting a Sunday get together. We were dressed in our pastels and frills and the candy and food was flowing. It was an adult affair and, being the only child there, I wandered off to explore while the grown-ups enjoyed their martinis and snacks. I found myself in a living room study area and on the table was a big book filled with photos of poets, painters, sculptors and scholars. I was immediately drawn to an image of Oscar draped on a chair like a velvet throw! It stuck with me and when I got older I looked him up in the school library. At the age of twelve I read The Picture Of Dorian Gray, but my main interest was in Oscar Wilde, the man and his story. I felt an instant connection, just as I have with all the great inspirations in my life. In 1978, when I was living between NYC, Maine and LA, before finishing the year in London, I never missed one episode of Masterpiece Theatre and their 13 episodes of Lillie about the life of Lillie Langtry, played brilliantly by Francesca Annis. To my delight, it explored in great depth the relationship/friendship between Oscar and Lillie, and I became obsessed with knowing everything and anything I could about their dynamic. I was intrigued, too, by the descriptions of Mrs. Langtry in the press at that time in England and the U.S. She was often called a “Professional Beauty” or “The Jersey Lily” because she was born on Jersey, the largest of the Channel Islands off the coast of Normandy. She was also one of the most featured women in advertising; her face was everywhere. She was the image for Pears Soap and the most respected painters of the day stood in line just to have a sitting with her. In 1877, she met Edward, Prince of Wales, later King Edward VII, and became his first publicly acknowledged mistress.

One of my favorite quotes was attributed to her from her conversations with Wilde: “They saw me, those reckless seekers of beauty, and in a night I was famous.” This reminded me of the back room at Max’s Kansas City, the temple of cool when I arrived in New York during the era of everything! It was this platonic duo that introduced me to the role of the “Muse”—that is the Artist and the Muse. Throughout history and especially in the arts, there seems to always be a driving force that brings the flora. In the series Lillie, they emphasized how Oscar would repeat Lillie’s quips and observations in his writing. Their banter with one another fascinated me and I often envisioned myself as a “Patron of The Arts”, in a sense, as I’ve always promoted and sang the praises of those whose work I liked. I felt an affinity with that spirit—the gift of inspiring and sharing special ideas with an artist I admired. It wasn’t just music. I adored musing with photographers, writers, film directors and designers, too. Creative energies have always fed my soul. The first time I referenced the term “muse” was in a 1981 interview I did with the Emmy-winning writer Stephen Demorest for the edgy publication Oui. Its sister magazine in France was called Lui. Playboy had taken over ownership of Oui so it was a glossy, classy, European-style men’s delight, targeting a younger demographic. When Stephen approached me about the piece, he showed me a couple other interviews with “It Girls” that had been published.

One was with Patti D’Arbanville, the inspiration for some of Cat Stevens’ biggest hits. He even used her last name in one of the songs, “Lady D’Arbanville”. I knew Patti from the early 70s and, in fact, it was she who introduced me to Jimmy Page in 1973 on a night out dancing with her in NYC. It was a quick meeting, as I was eager to get home to my boyfriend at the time, Todd Rundgren. A year later, I would run into Mr. Page again and the rest is the stuff of rock tales.

I adored Patti so knowing that both she and Jerry Hall had done this particular interview sealed the deal. Like Patti Boyd, Jane Asher, Linda Eastman, Maureen Van Zandt, Sara Dylan, to name a few, the musical muse is the most often of the muses referenced. I recall how so many people wanted to know my viewpoints and opinions about the word “muse” and why I preferred it to the term “groupie”.

Even in Cameron Crowe’s Almost Famous, his beloved character Penny Lane’s first words on screen are, “We are not groupies. We inspire the music- we are bandaids!”. The film was Cameron’s love letter to women and how even at that time a stigma was attached to calling a woman a groupie; it was not necessarily a compliment. It was almost like a dismissive jab, on par with “she’s such a slut” or “whore”. Another scene in Almost Famous has all of the members of the fictitious band Stillwater squeezed onto a small plane that, they thought, was about to crash. Secrets were spilled and fingers were pointed. In one of the most moving moments, the William character defends Penny when she is described as “that groupie” by one of the band members. William nails it when he points out who and “what” she really is- a bright light and cherished fan. Someone who loved them all and for all the right reasons.

I feel that women have been unfairly branded and labeled without cause. I’ve often said that I’m not opposed to “groupies,” per se. I just don’t like being called a name or being tagged like a sheep to slaughter. Summing me up for the life I’ve lived, seen through someone else’s eyes or, worse, exaggerating the truth. I didn’t want those I’ve truly loved or the relationships I’ve had to be considered less sincere because of the visibility of my partner.

Certainly loving music or dating musicians is not derogatory. Isn’t it logical, then, that birds of a feather flock together? Like-minded tribes mate or unite because of chemistry? Rock boys and models have been drawn to each other since forever! In the Netflix series Hollywood, you find that sex and sexual favors were the core of the industry. Several of the movie stars everyone loved on screen had started out as rent boys or nude models to make ends meet. Who decides why someone can give a blow job to the “right” person and get a starring role in a movie and another blow job by an aspiring talent gets tossed into the trash can of regret.

Why, after having four children with Mick Jagger, a successful modeling career and now being Mrs. Rupert Murdoch, would anyone refer to Jerry Hall as a groupie? Or gold digger, another favorite term used to describe women who marry well. Or Marianne Faithfull, Anita Pallenberg or Winona Ryder, for heaven’s sake? These are the questions I’ve always had and one of the main reason why I have rejected the term groupie in the press. It’s not a personal attack on those who identify with the moniker. It’s my own rebellion against being labeled and frowned on for the relationships I’ve had.

I’ve taken this stand for a long time, even though it’s also caused some judgement and negativity towards me from other women. It’s almost as if they think I see myself as better than them. Or that I’m not being honest when I don’t just call myself a full-on groupie, and own it. My closest friends tell me it’s just jealousy but that doesn’t make it any less hurtful to have tales and lies circulated about you by people you barely know or those who don’t know me at all. Or to have relationships that lasted for years being reduced to a laundry list of “conquests.”

This is nothing new, of course. Catherine The Great‘s enemies within the Emperor’s Court turned on her and started rumors that she was a sex fiend who had intercourse with horses. That stuck with her throughout her life and even in the museums of Russia, the tale has echoed although it’s completely untrue. Cleopatra and Anne Boleyn were also targeted. Ruining reputations was the way people got their revenge in days of yore. Or in some cases, the reason why some lost their heads to the guillotine. Why is it that women who have power or beauty have been subjected to crazy accusations of sexual voracity or deviance? Eve takes the blame for the banishment from Eden and although she was supposedly created from Adam’s rib, she is seen as a temptress and Adam as her victim.

I believe every woman should identify by how she feels comfortable and for the work she does. I personally prefer to be known for what I do, my accomplishments, my career. However, dating a rock star or an actor should not merit a nasty quip or name calling fest. It becomes unbalanced when just because someone gets famous as, say, a model or an actress and then dates a rock star, that she should get called anything other than what she does to earn a living. I’m not sure “groupie” falls under the umbrella of job occupation. I’d file it under pastime, hobby, passion, or fetish.

The origins of the groupie started with nothing more than a desire to be close to the band—the guys who made the music. Or in some cases, the women. The term came into use in the mid-1960s as slang for women who liked to hang out with musicians. It’s fair to say that not all “groupies” are the same. There are many tiers and pecking orders when narrowing it down. Certainly not every girl who dreams of being with a rock star will waltz backstage and demand sex or give oral gratification. That’s the image I despise and wish would not tarnish the entire viewpoint to the outside world. Some of the girls on the scene want to take the word “groupie” back, to personify what it meant in the ‘60s and early ‘70s. It became something entirely different when the ‘80s rolled around. Bands born out of the LA scene liked a different kind of arm candy than the Rolling Stones or the Beatles. They preferred exotic dancers and porn stars, the girls du jour of the time. Just as music changes with each era, so do the kinds of women who pursue the bands. But, more importantly, what kind of women the bands seek out. One man’s status is another man’s yen.

And then there are those who look at being a groupie as a form of prostitution. I’ve never understood that one because most girls who live that lifestyle don’t charge money to be with their favorite rock god or even their crew. It’s a thrill to be with the band, but it seems the glamor that was once attached to that goal has changed. For me, it was a thrill to fight to say “I’m IN the band”… or even “I AM the band!”

When I was living with Todd, he produced one of the first all-female bands, Fanny. They were so great! June Millington could shred! I felt bewildered when I would hear snide remarks wondering if Todd was sleeping with one of them. I thought to myself that would have never been said or thought if they weren’t women.

The bottom line is preference. We all have a choice. And we all can be whatever we want. We can wear many hats. I see myself as a mother, wife, musician, singer, songwriter, writer, mentor, animal lover… many different things. What I do in my spare time is how I make my soul happy. Who I date is based on connections, fate and karma. We end up with who we’re meant to be with and the experiences we have are all meant to be. I’ve been with my husband Jim for twenty years now. Our 18th wedding anniversary is coming in August 2020. So, I’m writing this piece from the perspective of a wife, mother, working musician, writer and mentor. Not just a girl who had lots of suitors in her youth. Every single little thing is part of the journey.

The first time I saw a photo in Rolling Stone of what they called a “groupie”, I was 15 years old and in the 10th grade. It was 1969, and neither the image nor the word was at all something ugly to me. It just seemed exciting and cool. The girls were so outrageously dressed, and it reflected an almost innocent charm. I didn’t aspire to be a groupie but they seemed like they were the ones who made the guys in the band cool. They helped dress them, created make-up looks and spread the word all over town about how good they were. It didn’t seem to be so much about sex and backstage antics. Maybe I was too young to fully understand everything, especially from the pages of a magazine.

On my first trip to LA with Todd in 1973, when I finally did meet some real girls who liked to be called groupies, it still didn’t seem derogatory. I started to see how it was all just tossed together in some people’s minds. It’s a complex dance between an artist and his muse. None of it is something so vulgar or tainted as being only about sexual conquest. Maybe to some, it’s about that. But for me it was a series of fated encounters that have lasted throughout my life.

Some people see a groupie as a girl who will do anything, including have sex with a roadie, to get to the band. There is that element to the rock n’ roll lifestyle. But it’s not the entire package. Others see groupies as a vibe, the girls who are there when the band makes it, the girls that helped them make it, the on-the-road bestie, or the girls who get the bands drugs and food. Or even give them the clothes off their backs if the band is short a cool stage look. I often joke that that’s how wearing your lingerie out became a signature rock girl look- the band had taken her clothes to wear onstage!

I recall reading where Pamela Des Barres said she was still a virgin when she first discovered her teenage heart being drawn to rock boys. It felt sexual to her and it was also just youthful and sweet. Not a salacious sexual quest. More a desire to be near the music and the men who made it. That’s perhaps what one would define as a “classic groupie”. Or, in some circles, “fan” is the preferred analogy. I can relate to that myself as I knew when I was ten years old, I would hang out with Mick Jagger one day. I knew those were my people… my kind.

Pamela has made a career out of her life as a proud groupie. But certainly she has a right to claim the term because she helped invent it! She now calls it her “groupie heart” and that is something anyone who’s ever had a crush on someone or loved someone’s music so much that it altered your DNA can relate to. Hasn’t everyone felt that way? Every guy or gal who picks up a guitar or slings a mic stand had to have been dazzled by their inspiration or felt a need to pursue that for their own futures. So, my point is this- none of it is negative nor should one word hold so much power that when it’s flung at a woman, she’ll feel shamed or scorned.

When I started to get a bit of fame, the media seemed to want to call me anything but “groupie”. It was “Friend Of The Stars”, “Queen Of The Rock Chicks”, “Leggy Model”, “The Mother Of All Rock Chicks”, “It Girl”… so when the internet entered our lives, I began to see just how judgmental and downright mean people were about the women who hung out with the bands. It started to become something so dirty and taboo that I wanted no part of that term. It’s a thin line, a hard one to walk. Personally, I feel loving music and being attracted to musicians is as natural as doctors and nurses getting along. Humans are drawn to their soul tribe. Music, musicians and all art forms attract me. I’m the moth to that flame.

As an entertainer myself, it always hurt me when what I actually do for my job was ignored or not taken seriously because of the famous names I’ve been attached to. It’s so one-sided to only put that burden on women. It has been the norm for men to be patted on the back and admired for their taste in women and especially if they were able to appeal to many and have tons of sexual experiences. Even in the animal kingdom, the male peacock has the massive plume bloom to attract as many lovers as he can. A male lion can rule the pride with his sexual domination. A male celebrity only becomes more famous if he’s got a beautiful model or actress on his arm. Whereas a woman who’s dance card is busy or even full is often ridiculed or bashed. Branded with the scarlet letter of infamy.

It started to get under my skin when I saw myself defined only by who I’d dated or had close friendships with. It’s the luck of the draw. Some women who are in the public eye can date and marry a celeb several times and be embraced for it. They use it to further their already visible life. They are proud and exploit all their lovers as the playthings that they’ve become. Some have become famous by leaking a porno or being on a reality show. What was once a limited field has become wide open with lots of branches of thought and assumption. I knew it wasn’t going to be easy for me to fight for my image… my persona… my legacy. But I did fight. I turned down almost every request I was presented to be interviewed for groupie documentaries or sensationalized TV shows. Sometimes turning down large sums of money. But I wanted to work hard and felt if I worked hard enough one day I’d be thought of for what I did on a stage, in front of the lens of a camera, as a mother and at times even a manager, more than who I shared my life with. Dare I use the “R” word? I wanted RESPECT.

There’s lots of contrast in the definition of groupie or muse but what about “partners”… the duos who took the world by storm. Sonny & Cher, Karen & Richard Carpenter, Debbie Harry & Chris Stein, Jack & Meg White, Jane Birkin & Serge Gainsbourg, Stevie Nicks & Lindsey Buckingham, Annie Lennox & Dave Stewart, Kim Gordon & Thurston Moore, etc… Or Chrissie Hynde and Courtney Love, who both married musicians. There’s a kaleidoscope of ways women are seen. It all depends on how you are first perceived. The general public seem to hold on to how they first heard of you even if you go on to do many different things in your life. Marianne Faithfull is a perfect example of someone who has been able to transcend her detractors and carry on like the warrior she is. But it baffles my mind how anyone could call her or Anita Pallenberg anything but tastemakers and trendsetters. They were the women I would stare at for hours as a young girl. They fascinated me almost more than the guys they hung out with. Yet I still hear them sometimes referred to as groupies.

Like any entertainer, I have an overwhelming need to be loved and to give love and positive energy to others. That’s why I crave being onstage. The connection with the audience is almost like having the best sex in the world. Or at minimum, a great, soulful hug that sends sparks through your body. I’ve been doing this since 1980, in public anyway. This is my life… not the talented, special men I dated in my youth. That’s part of my story and I will never regret a single heartbreak nor will I ever regret loving to the point of forgetting myself and my own pursuits. But I want to be remembered for more than my dates or suitors. I gave birth to a child who grew up to become a superstar so the role of nurturer has followed me throughout my life. I’ve accepted the fact that my fate is to be a vessel for talent and to enrich those who possess it. It’s become who I am- all the parts and pieces of my karma rolled into one big bang! My artistic side occupies just as much space as my musing side- equal parts love and creative energy.

Things come full circle especially when I get approached after one of my shows by young girls that call me “High Priestress” or tell me that they are my “groupies”. When I hear the words “Bebe, Im your biggest groupie!”, my heart swells but I also like to immediately remind them that I do what I do onstage because of them. Because of the exchange being a performer gives to my being. It’s like fuel… hors d’oeuvres for the soul.

One morning in 2009, I got a call from an old industry friend who had landed at Interscope Records. I was awoken with, “Bebe, you’ve been touted in a song produced by Pharrell Williams called ‘Bebe Buell’ by a young band from Boston called Chester French.” I remember thinking “wow, that’s a nice compliment” because the gist of the song was that someone like me or Pamela Anderson Lee were the creme de la creme of rock-boy desire. There’s a clothing line called ‘Muse & Lyrics‘ that has a blouse/top called “The Bebe” and the brand ‘I’m With The Band’ has named their leopard scarfs and headbands the “Bebe”. There’s even a cocktail called “The Bebe Buell”.

But I think one of the coolest things was having Cameron Crowe name the lead singer in Stillwater Jeff Bebe. He gave me the original T-shirt that was used in the movie, too, and boy do I treasure it! Cameron sprinkled all kinds of little clues and messages throughout Almost Famous. I was especially touched by the Jeff Bebe nod because he knew how much I wanted to be a singer in a band. I remember him once saying to me that I should just go for it. At that point, people only knew me as a model and Todd Rundgren’s girlfriend. I hadn’t even done Playboy yet, so I was still trying to figure out who I was and how to do it. I finally did but it took me six more years to get in the studio and front a band!

It’s moving to be honored and it’s also nice to be appreciated by the younger generation of pop culture lovers. The first time my name was in a song, I was excited by it. My old friend G.E. Smith had a line on his solo album that was about coming to visit “Bebe and Liz”… he came over to my best friend Liz Derringer’s house to play it for us. We were elated… it was cool. I would never be so bold as to sit here and make a list of my lovers or the songs they wrote for me because it seems so long ago. I’d rather leave that up to the fans of the music to decipher and besides not all songs written for others are acknowledged as such. I’ve had several songs given to me as gifts or written to me in letters.

Sometimes the authors don’t admit it because their feelings change and they don’t want to upset their new love interest. Didn’t Bob Dylan write “Leopard Skin Pill Box Hat”, “Just Like A Woman”, “Fourth Time Around” and “Like A Rolling Stone” about Edie Sedgwick, only to later deny it? I know the feeling because it’s happened to me. So, at this point in my life, I just cherish the letters (yes, I still have them so one day when we’re all gone they will maybe solve the puzzles) and I respect and allow artistic license to have its day. It’s an artist’s prerogative to change their minds so I hold no hurt feelings. Music buffs are pretty smart anyway and they usually know the truth, so it matters little unless it’s blatant. The one topic that irks me is that I claimed This Year’s Model was about me. Well, that’s impossible because I didn’t meet and start to date Elvis Costello until he was well into Armed Forces. I was living with him in London when he recorded it in the fall of 1978. He included a couple of lyrics from songs on Armed Forces in letters to me but I can say with certainty that “Party Girl” wasn’t one of them. I guess it was the timing of the release that made people speculate I was the subject, but I wasn’t and never claimed to be. He didn’t even know me when he wrote those records. Why this is disputed has always been a mystery to me. The songs Mr. Costello sent me in letters were from later albums, starting with Get Happy. I will always wonder too why he would say something so false and perpetuate a rumor twenty years later in the liner notes of a re-issue.  Here’s to hoping it is finally put to rest. And even with the shame and pain I felt at the time, I feel no regret or ill will toward anyone. To me the truth is pretty obvious. Remember the story I told earlier about Catherine The Great? Revenge is often used when hearts are hurt, and it is very common in the entertainment industry.

In summing up my thoughts on the topic, I feel it’s time in our culture to appreciate the roles women have played in art since the beginning of time. Dali had his Gala, Picasso would hide the initials of his mistresses in his paintings and secretly tell them so they would know it was for them, Clapton immortalized his love and lust for Patti Boyd with the ultimate ode in “Layla” and John Lennon may have written the most beautiful love song of all for Yoko in “Woman”. Or was it Paul McCartney with “The Long And Winding Road” about Jane Asher or “Maybe I’m Amazed” about the spectacular Linda Eastman McCartney?

We can’t leave out the spirited and unique George Sand whose given name was Aurore Dupin. She was born in Paris on July 1, 1804 and adopted the name “George” because women couldn’t write professionally with the freedom of men in those days. She became one of the most popular writers in Europe during her lifetime- one of the most notable writers of the European Romantic era. She would wear male attire in public saying it was easier and more affordable than women’s garb. She was a confidant to Franz Liszt and lover and muse to Chopin. She would lie beneath the piano while Chopin composed, saying it sent the music through her entire body instead of just her ears.

Music is primal and it gets into our bloodstream. It’s easy to see why young girls get crushes on their idols and some even grow up to marry their dream man. But the days of defining women by their sexual desires or “conquests” should be on the wane. I never looked at the men I dated or loved as conquests. Humans aren’t territories to be battled over or ceded to. The human connection is divine. Each and every person we cross paths with is part of our magical life story.  So, whatever you identify yourself as is fine. That is your privilege and judgement should not follow even if the choices aren’t the norm. As Oscar Wilde said, “Be yourself. Everyone else is taken.”

*Closing side note* As I was finishing this essay, I was doodling with a People magazine crossword puzzle and one of the clues was “GROUPIE”. Guess what the answer was… “FAN”. The timing was uncanny!

[insanityclause]

William Shakespeare’s Coriolanus, starring Tom Hidldeston in the title role, is currently streaming as part of the UK National Theatre at Home initiative.

Coriolanus is set in ancient Rome, where the people suffer from a famine and clamor for changes to the current ruling system. Distinguished general Caius Martius returns from a successful campaign in Corioles and is thus named “Coriolanus.” He finds himself caught in the middle of conflicts at home and abroad as his mother, Volumnia, pushes him to become a consul of Rome. But he is a soldier at heart and ill-suited to politics and thus, betrayal and banishment drive him to form an unexpected alliance with a former enemy, Tullus Aufidius. He vows revenge on the city that rejected him, but this final, ill-fated campaign leads to his downfall.

Coriolanus is particularly relevant in these times of social unrest and political upheaval because it portrays a a country in the throes of transformation, people demanding a voice, and the breakdown of oppressive structures and systems. The play explores the idea of power and the very pertinent question of in whom it should reside and whether it should ever be in the hands of a single person.

It also tackles the dangers of imposing inordinate pressure on an individual and how they can break from the weight of nigh-impossible expectations. In an interview with The Guardian, Hiddleston himself says it best:

“I think the play also raises another complex question as to what degree any individual can withstand the intensity of idealisation and demonisation that comes with the mantle of unmoderated leadership or extraordinary responsibility.”

Directed by Josie Rourke, the production succeeds in bringing Shakespeare’s bloody epic to life even in a confined space. The production was filmed on stage at the Donmar Warehouse in 2014 by National Theatre Live.

The closed quarters of the Donmar Warehouse always push production teams to be more creative in their execution of material and the results in this case are truly impressive. Rourke made the most of the limited space and even turned it to her production’s advantage, ingeniously giving the focus on the characters and the dialogue more than the trappings of ancient Rome, creating a truly visceral experience.

The production was stripped to its bare essentials, the set design all the more striking for its sparseness. Simple props are deployed to impressive effect and even complicated battle scenes are deftly conveyed through chairs, ladders, and creative lighting.

A particularly memorable scene is when Caius Martius takes a shower after being bloodied in battle. The shower scene is not fan service but really more symbolic of the objectification of Martius’ body by the characters, how much blood he has shed for his city and how many scars he bears as proof of his service.

Hiddleston explains that the shower scene was also a way for the audience to see how the character bore his wounds in private even as he refused to reveal them in public. He cries out in pain as the cold water seemingly stings his wounds and one can feel him buckle under the weight of so much expectation. As Hiddleston says:

“We wanted to show him wincing, in deep pain: that these wounds and scars are not some highly prized commodity, but that beneath the exterior of the warrior-machine, idealised far beyond his sense of his own worth, is a human being who bleeds.”

The performances are consistently engaging and even with the majority of the ensemble seated in the shadowy background, when one character has his or her scene, the audience can look at no one else.

Tom Hiddleston is magnificent as Caius Martius Coriolanus, giving depth and nuance to a controversial character. Coriolanus is a difficult man to root for but Hiddleston effectively captures the many facets of the character from the daring warrior, the haughty patrician with such disdain for the plebeians, the dutiful son, the reluctant consul, the vengeful exile, and eventually, the vulnerable family man.

He effectively portrays a man seemingly unyielding in his convictions and yet also easily swayed by his mother, whether she is prodding him to become consul or begging him to spare Rome. Coriolanus is constantly torn between his obedience to his mother and her aspirations for him and his own proud and brutally honest nature.

His fearlessness and ferocity in battle do him little favors when he tries to play the politician and there is a brilliant scene when Hiddleston sarcastically tries to win “votes” from his countrymen and it is obvious how he struggles to keep up appearances. When he eventually snaps and unleashes his rage against the people, one can already foresee his inevitable doom.

Deborah Findlay as Volumnia is masterful and mesmerizing, her powerful influence over her son evident from her first appearance. She is clearly the driving force behind the story – pushing her son to gain renown on the battlefield, then to become consul of Rome, and finally, to relent in his revenge plans to raze the city. Far from the traditional depictions of motherhood as full of tenderness and compassion, Volumnia’s love for her son is rooted in brutal ambition, and she values the glory he can bring to their house more than his own life.

The mother-son relationship is one of the more fascinating dynamics in Shakespeare’s plays and the chemistry between Findlay and Hiddleston effectively portrays this. For all his pride and rage, Martius can never bring himself to refuse anything his mother asks of him, even when they both know that some requests will end in tragedy.

Birgitte Hjort Sørensen as Virgilia, wife of Martius, does not share many scenes with her husband but in the few that she does, her manners and tender looks effectively convey the bond between them. She even employs some sensuality in the scenes where she tries to convince him to give up his bloody crusade.

Hadley Fraser as Tullus Aufidius gives a fascinating portrayal of a character who starts out as the lead’s fiercest foe and then somehow, becomes a powerful ally. The mutual admiration between the two warriors is evident from the moment they are face-to-face in battle.

While there are battle scenes in the play, the duel between Martius and Aufidius is the only one given complete fight choreography and it is an intense and gritty affair, both actors having rehearsed their movements extensively before the play’s run. Even as they exchange violent blows, there is a reluctant respect between them.

When their paths cross again later in the play and, in a rare display of humility, Martius puts himself at his enemy’s mercy, Aufidius recognizes an opportunity for them to finally become the brothers-in-arms they were destined to be. But the alliance is short-lived and soon Aufidius finds his rage replaced with sorrow.

Mark Gatiss gives a delightful performance and is a refreshingly jovial character in a cast of grim figures. His Menenius has the thankless task of counseling the stubborn Martius in his journey to becoming a consul and also tries his best to win the support of the people for his tempestuous protégé.

Peter de Jersey is regal and noble as the general Cominius, another supporter of Caius Martius, but one who is still unable to prevent the misfortunes that befall the ill-fated Coriolanus. Both Cominius and Menenius fail in their efforts to build Martius a career as a consul because they realize that he is a man who cannot go against his own nature.

Alfie Enoch plays Titus Lartius, a Roman general and another ally of Coriolanus. He is a brave and loyal companion in battle but he also is unable to help Coriolanus achieve his political ambitions.

The Tribunes, played by Elliot Levey and Helen Schlesinger, are as scheming and manipulative as one expects them to be, and though there is mutual hostility between them and the proud Martius, they hold the advantage because they are easily able to sway the people to their cause. In the end, Martius, for all his prowess in battle, is no match for seasoned politicians, who know the game too well.

The rest of the ensemble play multiple roles as Roman citizens and Volscians and though there are only a handful of actors, they are all still able to effectively convey the sense of a mob rising against a tyrant or an army of soldiers in the heat of battle. Once again, it is Rourke’s excellent direction that makes the most of the Donmar’s small space and allows the cast to be strategically placed in every scene. Not an inch of the stage is wasted.

The intense, intimate production brings out the character dynamics and the forces at play without distracting the audience with the bells and whistles of intricate set design or flashy costumes. The story is the star of the show and what better way to perform Shakespeare than to put the emphasis on his words.

Coriolanus is one of Shakespeare’s more brutal works, full of rawness and rage, without the customary elegance and charm that audiences may be used to with the romances or comedies. Coriolanus is a bloody cautionary tale about the nature of power, a theme that will certainly resonate strongly with audiences today.

In a time where we are all deprived of the communal experience of live theater, the National Theatre at Home initiative has provided a worthwhile alternative experience and a reminder of the excitement and wonder a well-executed play can inspire. While we wait for the worst effects of the crisis to abate, we can take comfort in the hope of a better future. In the words of Coriolanus himself:

“There is a world elsewhere.”

The stream will be available on the National Theatre’s Youtube Channel from June 4  to June 11. Watch it while you can:

https://youtu.be/XHqkEruwBT0