#truly the dumbest happiest people

[notwithaste]

that’s my idiots to lovers

[charliedawn]

How would they react if you were to marry someone else? (Warning : I love writing sad stories)

" I'm so happy for you. I hope that you'll have the best life together. You deserve it."

He smiles and pretends that it doesn't hurt him as much as it really does. After having spent so many times doing it, faking perfect happiness has become easy for him. He loves you, he always loved you..but now, he has to see you at the arm of another man/woman and it takes all of his willpower not to cry. He knows he can't do anything, but he still wishes that you would see..see how much he cares and would do anything to be that person by your side. But, he will not be as selfish as to tell you how he truly feels. He wants you to be happy. He thought Peggy would be the only person that he would ever want to see smile everyday, but that was before he met you. He wants you to be happy, this is why he doesn't want to be selfish and deprave you of that wonderful smile by actually saying how he truly feels. However, when the music starts and you don't find your husband/wife anywhere, he decides to step up. He stands in front of you with a gentle smile and a welcoming hand.

" May I ?"

You smile back and nod in agreement before taking his hand. You start waltzing and many people leave the way, as if they know..they know that this man is the one you should have married. Unfortunately, it seems that you hadn't gotten the memo in time, as you were the only one who understood too late..But what hurts the most ? It is that he seems genuinely happy for you. That smile tortures you. He wipes your tears away, tears that you hadn't felt rolling down your cheeks. He smiles again and you close your eyes, everything to stop looking at that smile..Suddenly, you feel someone tapping your shoulder. You open your eyes wide to see your husband/wife that addresses you a soft smile before glaring at Steve that glares right back. He crosses his arms, but finally says with a stern warning.

" If you hurt her/him..I will hurt you."

He simply states before turning around and walking away. You look at him walking away and can't help but chuckle as you remember something that Tony had said long ago.

" That is America's a**"

Your husband/wife looks at you with widened eyes, as if you had gone crazy and it only makes you laugh harder. Maybe you had ?

" This is quite the ceremony..In my 107 years on this planet, I don't remember ever being invited to a wedding."

"Too bad that my first had to be yours", he wants to add, but he had promised himself to behave today. He sits down and hangs his head low, not finding the strength to look at you again. He is afraid of what he'll find there..worse of all, he doesn't want to see pity..Nothing is worse than pity. Because, he knows he doesn't deserve it. However, your hand appears in his peripheral vision and he is forced to look up at you.

" Bucky Barnes, may I have this dance ?"

You ask and his eyes widen in surprise, looking around for your husband/wife to intervene. But, you're alone for now and he takes your hand. You yank him out of his seat and he finds himself smiling as you laugh when you both nearly fall under his weight.

" Come on, Barnes. Help me here. Get up !"

He laughs before finally getting up and you smile before dancing with him. At some point, you tenderly get some locks out of his face behind his ear and he grazes his lips over the top of your hand, a simple kiss that has more meaning than everything you had experienced so far. However, your husband/wife arrives and shatters the moment by taking your hand for a dance. Bucky has just the time to whisper something in the shell of your ear that makes you feel cold to the bone.

" I lost.."

He simply says, staring right at you with tears in his eyes and a small sorrowful smile. He feels terrible and knows that if he had acted sooner, you would have been his. But, he waited too long. He doesn't want to let you go without you knowing what he feels about you. He lost..He will never be the man who you will run to in your darkest moments, he would always remain Bucky, the best friend. You look at him, he looks back at you and you know..You know what those words mean. You smile sadly. Maybe..It could have been. But, it is too late now, and Bucky knows it. He smiles back too with tears rolling down his cheeks that he quickly wipes away. Nobody understands in the room, not even your husband/wife, but you do. You do. And, that's enough for him.

Many thought Tony was crying because he was moved, little did they know..Tony Stark was crying because he hadn't realized until you showed up in your wedding dress how much of an idiot he had been for not acting sooner. He could convince himself and others that he was a genius..but at that moment, he felt like the dumbest of them all. He wants to be that person that is holding your hand and kisses you gently while you exchange rings. He thought he had time, even when you said that you were getting engaged..He thought it wouldn't last. He had even tried to pay the man/woman to leave you alone. But, it is over now. He knows that there is no turning back. You're gone..and you would never be his. This is why the great Tony Stark was crying. However, he forces himself to smile now and laughs as he stands up to make a toast.

" I guess it's my turn. To Y/N L/N, the woman/man that is always willing to go the extra mile. The heart of the team. The person that always sees the bright side in people. You are one of a kind and nothing less than special. My only regret, is to have not noticed it sooner.."

He smiles at you and chuckles before raising his glass.

" I wish you nothing than what you deserve. Happiness. Happiness for now and forever."

You smile and raise your glass as well. The music soon plays and your husband/wife takes you hand to have the first dance. However, somebody else grabs it first and you turn around to see Tony that winks cheekily to your partner.

" Too slow. Don't worry, I may borrow you lovely bride/groom for five minutes, but you'll have them for the rest of your life."

You smile as your partner reluctantly lets you go. You follow Tony that succeeds in surprising you with his moves. He notices and chuckles.

" Didn't know I had moves like that, huh? Guess I can still surprise you.."

You shake your head and laugh while arking an eyebrow at him.

" Surprised that you know how to dance ? Nah. I've seen worse. In fact, I'm surprised you didn't crash my wedding with an helicopter screaming "I object !" before kidnapping me. Ah.."

The scene is so detailed that Tony wonders if you had imagined it, wished it even ?

" Would you have followed me ?"

He asks seriously, in a almost hopeful voice and you smile, almost dreamily, but your answer is as serious as his question.

" To Hell and back.."

Another proof that Tony Stark is an idiot: he had thought of it. He had thought of crashing your wedding and carrying you bridal style out of this downright ridiculous wedding..but he had hesitated. He is about to tell you that the alternative is still possible when he sees your husband/wife making their way to you. He closes his mouth. He has no right to take you away from them. He smiles one last time before kissing your forehead.

" Go back to your prince/princess, sweetheart..They deserve you the most."

" I'm fine..I'm fine."

He says to whoever asks him, so much that he starts actually believing it. However, it is another story when he sees you walk the aisle and can't help but have a lump in his throat as he contains his tears. Here you are, as beautiful and surreal as the first day he met you. Your kindness radiating from you so much that it almost hurts him to see how perfect you are. He wants to chase those thoughts from his head, he wants to stop loving you..But he can't. Just one look at you, and he knows that he is not fine. He is far from fine. His other half wants to get out an rip the man/woman that dared take you away from him, but he won't let him. He is not a monster, and he won't allow you to see him as anything else than nice inoffensive little Dr Banner, especially today. It is killing him to see you with such a smile that seems so genuine. To think that it is supposed to be your happiest day, and it is his worst. It only gets worse when you ask him to be your first dance..He is not a good dancer, he knows it. But, for once, he'll go beyond his safe zone and let you bring him to stand up and dance with you. Thankfully, you mostly take the lead and go slowly. He doesn't know what to say, so he just stays silent, admiring you. You look up at him and he can't help but smile back. Soon, the song is over and he opens his mouth to finally admit what he has always felt for you. But, other words come out.

" Congrats, Y/N..I'm happy for you."

Lies. Lies. He is not happy, he is miserable. But, he won't admit it, not when you smile at him and embrace him tightly like that..He finds that he has trouble to breathe. He knows that Hulk wouldn't let him, but he truly feels as if he is dying. He forces himself to smile as you take a step back and walk towards another guest. He follows you with his eyes before walking away. He should have known, who would ever want a monster like him ?

" You have a mighty warrior by your side. The best of them all. Be sure to make them happy and Y/N? I wish you many great adventures and..and.."

For once, the great Thor is lost for words. He is happy for you, but something in his chest burns. He should be happy as it is a joyous moment, but he can only fix his cup with uncertainty. You are one of his best friends..He should be happy for you, the words of encouragement and congratulations should flow from his mouth. Thor is not one to pass on good wine, but still, he is as sober as he ever remembers himself being. He can't drink, his lips are parched, and still..He feels as if he is drowning. He glances at you and sees the same uncertainty in your eyes.

" I love you.."

The words get out before he can ever register them and the whole assembly falls silent at his confession. Both you and your partner open your eyes wide in shock at his confession. You are about to say something when Thor starts laughing and shakes his head.

" I love you as a brother/sister and I wish you all the best that this world has to offer !"

The whole assembly seems to buy his last minute addition, including your partner that seems to relax beside you. But, you are no fool. You've spend enough time with the North god to know when he is lying. However, you don't know what you would have said, you were so eager to respond..but in truth ? You don't have a clue on what the good answer would have been. You stand up and face Thor that seems taken aback when you take him by the hand to the dancefloor. When you're sure that nobody would overhear your conversation, you whisper.

" What the heck were you thinking ?! Confessing like that today?! Out of any days?!"

He wants to deny, but he only lowers his head in shame.

" Forgive me, my friend..I shouldn't have said anything. It was selfish on my behalf. Forget I ever said anything. I wasn't thinking straight, too much wine.."

He quickly adds at the end, hoping that you would buy this excuse. For a moment, your eyes seem to scan his face for any clue that he was lying..But then, for a second, he sees a glimpse of disappointment that quickly disappears, replaced by a smile.

" I see.. No worries. Everyone makes mistakes."

You finally say before walking away. His heart tightens as he watches you leave, going back to him/her. That person that he shall never be..He forces himself to stay stoic in front of the many guests that wanted to talk to him, but he can't help to steal quick glances at your beauty, from afar. Thor is not one to cry, he is a hero, heroes don't cry. But, he can't help but shed a few tears as he knows that this is what he will ever be allowed to do now, steal glimpses at your infinite beauty that blinds him every single time. Funny, he always thought that Asgard was the most resplendent thing in the galaxy..guess he was wrong.

He wouldn't come. He can't. He is a mess since the day you told him. He would stay locked up in his room and only follow the ceremony on a TV screen.

" It could have been me..It should have been me !"

He screams before punching the screen and finally leaning down on his bed. He cover his eyes with his hands to hide his tears from the world. He dreamt of the day you would be dressed in the most beautiful silks, but for him.

" Oh my sweet..To think that those tears of joy are not for me to admire..Tell me, if I had had the courage to ask you ? Would you have said yes, little Midgardian ?"

He asks the broken TV screen wistfully and laughs humorlessly before looking at his shaking hands. Suddenly, he closes them into fists and screams at the top of his lungs, he screams his regret and the pain he feels at knowing that you would be happy without him. When he stops, he feels his sore throat and hiccups a laugh that turns into a maniacal laugh. Who is he hoping to fool ? You wouldn't have said yes..Who could ever say yes to such a monster ? He closes his eyes and makes a clone appear at the dinner. He thought you wouldn't notice him among the crowd, but you do and he freezes. Finally, you smile warmly at him and make your way to him through the crowd. He hadn't planned on talking to you, he just wanted to see you one last time. However, he still forces himself to smile courteously and takes your hand to kiss the back of it, like a prince in those fairytales that you used to read him when he was in his cell..

" You haven't changed, prince Loki..To think 5 years passed already. I thought you were dead, I mourned you.."

You say in an almost accusative tone, but he only answers with a small shrug and a smile.

" Timelines, my dear..A very complicated thing."

You nod absent-mindedly at his answer before wrapping your arms around him. He takes a shaky breath before slowly raising his hand to gently pet the top of your head.

" I'm sorry it took me so long to get back to you.."

" I'm sorry too."

You reply with a sad smile that makes his heart sink. But, before he could ask what you were sorry about, you partner comes and asks for a dance. You smile apologetically at Loki before taking the hand of your husband/wife. Loki stays still, the question still lingering in his mind..Sorry ? Sorry for what ? He clenches his jaw and shakes his head. It doesn't matter. It is too late now..He is too late. His clone vanishes and Loki comes back to his room, sad and now, destined to be alone forever..

" You look so gorgeous/handsome. I can't believe you're getting married. He/She better treat you right, alright ?"

Scott would be happy for you and hide his sadness behind a smile. He would look at you with tears in his eyes, thinking of how you look truly amazing in that dress/smoking/whatever suits your boat. He would act like you best friend until the end, even walking you to the aisle if you ask him. He's so proud of you, but at the same time can't help but feel a pang in his chest, knowing that he is not the one waiting at the end of said aisle. He would also stay by your side afterwards during the dinner.

" Was it like that with Cassie's mother ?"

You ask him and he takes a shaky breath before answering you with a small sad smile.

" Oh no..It wasn't so fancy. You got yourself quite a deal with that one. He/She seems to be an extremely good catch."

You laugh a little before turning your head away to discreetly wipe your tears.

" I guess I should consider myself quite lucky then, huh ?"

You both laugh, but it sounds so fake and unnatural that you immediately stop. You then look around for your husband/wife as the music starts, but do not spot him among the crowd. However, Scott stands in front of you with his hand outstretched towards you.

" I may not be the best dancer, but would you do me the favor ?"

You look at his hand for several seconds before taking it with a genuine smile.

" Of course."

He smiles back and you start dancing around. However, when you finally stop, you realize that you've been staring too long at him and him at you. For a moment, you think he is about to kiss you, and you would have let him..But then, your husband/wife arrives with a smile and wraps their arm around your waist possessively. Scott understands the message and smiles one last time at you before taking a step back and letting go of your hand. You open your mouth to talk, but quickly close it..What could you possibly say ? But, he doesn't seem angry, he just sniffles and makes it sound like it is the emotion of finally you getting married.

" Oh wow..I guess I overstepped, huh ? Sorry..They're all yours."

Scott then walks away, his heart shattering even more with each step he takes and you sigh while your partner leads you away.

" I guess that congratulations are in order."

He says while flying down next to you and taking your hand. You smile up at him and he seems to not find his words. He had repeated them. But, just looking at your face, and other words fall out of his mouth.

" I'm sorry. I can't seem to be able to find any will in me to congratulate you."

You snort. Of course..

" You have an awful lot to learn about humans, Vision..But, I don't blame you. I wouldn't be able to find the will to congratulate myself either."

He frowns, confused, and tilts his head to the side, trying to decipher your words.

" But..It is your wedding day. The happiest day of your life."

He replies while slowly dancing with you in the air until your husband/wife asks him to get you down.

" Is it ?"

You reply before laughing humorlessly while staring right back at him with your eyes glassy, as if you're about to cry. However, you only smile one last time before following your husband/wife that leads you to another guest. Vision watches you leave and feels his brain working, still trying to make sense of your words. Suddenly, he seems to understand and closes his eyes, feeling something painful in his chest, even though he knows nothing is physically wrong with his body.

" I see.."

He finally says. He doesn't know for who he says it, maybe you, maybe himself ? For a being whose name is Vision, it took him a while to see the truth.

" You're the father of the bride/groom ?"

One of the guests ask him as he saw Dr Strange walk you to the aisle. He doesn't want to be rude, it's your day. He fakes a smile before nodding half-heartedly.

" Something like that.."

The guest is obviously not a close friend, or they would have known that your father had died/wasn't there. He glances at you and finds you staring at him. You quickly look away when you understand that you've been spotted. He wishes his feelings could be only translated as fatherly/brotherly/friend-related love..But, unfortunately, his heart had decided to play with his emotions. He had hoped for so long that his heart would listen to his brain that was finding every possible reason for him not to crash the party and take you away..He had had many occasions to lose his mind, falling head over heels for you isn't the one he thought would finally break him. It is eating him alive. He is so absorbed in his thoughts that he doesn't see you, making your way to him. You gently tap him on the shoulder and he turns around to see you with a Cheshire-like grin.

" Shouldn't I have my first dance with my father ?"

He rolls his eyes dramatically at the last word before he retorts.

" You heard that, huh ? But you still don't hear me when I tell you to wake up for your training each morning.."

You laugh before taking his hand and leading him to the dancefloor. He can't help but smile when you start laughing at the sudden change of music..

"Beyonce. How convenient.."

You mimic his voice and he sighs loudly in fake exasperation.

" I should have known..This is why you wanted me to be your first dance. You had planned it all, you little devil."

You laugh mischievously before it slowly quiets down and you look at your shoes as you admit.

" That..but I also wanted you to be my first dance..You're the only family I have left, Strange. You, and the Avengers."

His heart beats a little too fast for his liking at your words and he admonishes his heart for being so sensitive..He takes your chin between his thumb and index to tip your face up, in order for you to look at him. When he sees that you are crying, he feels his heart stop and his mask crumbles. He allows himself to cry as well and you open your eyes wide in shock. Doctor Strange. The man that had gone through countless hardships such as a car accident that made him lose the practicality of his hands, wars, a face to face with a god, who had literally died, is now crying at your wedding. The irony..You hide your face in his cloak that seems to understand and hides the both of you for a moment. You feel safe in Strange's arms and want to stay hidden in his cloak forever, but you then hear the noises coming from outside, the voice of you partner among them. You force yourself to smile and wipe your tears. You then look up at Strange, but he doesn't need you to ask, he lets you go and you leave the safety of his arms to return to the ones of your beloved partner. Stephen can just stare at you until you both disappear among the crowd. He is still crying and his cloak tries to wipe them as well, but he shakes his head.

" Don't..It is the only thing I have left from her/him.."

Hawkeye doesn't know why he came..He knew it would break his heart to see you in someone else's arms..But, he still came. Thankfully, he has Natasha by his side. She stays next to him and he laughs bitterly as he tells her.

" My arrow didn't work it seems. The right speed, but not the right target.."

She smiles sadly at her best friend before putting her head on his shoulder compassionately.

" Don't sell yourself short. One of them hit right."

He looks up at you and laughs humorlessly at Natasha's way to comfort him.

" I don't know what is worse ? Her/Him marrying someone else or her/him not marrying at all ?"

Natasha laughs, but it is as fake as his.

" Who knows ? Maybe it wasn't meant to be ?"

Clint nods, even though he can't help but disagree with Natasha. From the first moment his eyes fell on you, he knew you were the one. Unfortunately, he had to compete with super soldiers, geniuses and gods..Who was he to ask you for a chance ? A guy with arrows..The answer is so obvious, the reality so brutal that it hurts. But what hurts the most ? It's that at the end, you had chosen another human, a human with no superpowers, no inhuman strength, not even arrows..Only human. To add to his shame, your smile that seems so genuine as you make your way to him.

" Barton, may I have this dance ?"

You ask and he looks at Natasha for help, but she only busies herself with her drink as she stands up to leave.

" Have fun you two.."

" You traitor.."

He mouthes at her while you have your face turned and Natasha barely surpresses a laugh. He then puts a smile back on when you face him. You smile back as he takes a the lead and starts waltzing around with you. You seem so happy, he feels as if tears are about to spill from his eyes. He bats them away just in time. He couldn't let you see him like this, not now, not ever..

" You know, Clint..There was a time where I thought it would be you.."

He opens his eyes wide in shock at your admission as he looks down at you, unsure if he had heard you correctly. But, you nod in confirmation.

" You heard me..I really thought you would be the one wearing a tuxedo and sweep me off my feet. But, it seems Robin Hood only exists in novels and I am no damsel in distress.."

He doesn't know what to say, so he only lightly squeezes your hand to urge you to continue. He knows it won't change anything, but he wants to know nonetheless. However, you only smile sadly before looking up at him with eyes prickled with tears and stand on your tiptoes to kiss him on the cheek.

" Girls/Guys can dream, right ?"

You then walk away and leave him dumbstruck as he processes what you had just admitted. Not only would you have been satisfied with any human beings, you would have been satisfied with him. The knowledge hurts more than anything and he can only sit down on a nearby couch, tears rolling down his cheeks now. One single thought running on loop through his brain : he could have been enough. He could have been enough..

Bonus : Your reaction

You wait a little bit before walking towards a room where you could finally be alone. You stay with a smile plastered on your face on the way there, keeping the facade for the sake of convenience until you are in said room. Your smile slowly turns downwards and you lean against the door, letting a big sigh out of your mouth as you look at the ring on your finger. Here. It was done. But then, why does it feel so painful ? You slide down and bury your face in your arms to sob as quietly as possible. He had danced with you, he had nearly confessed to you..but didn't. And the worse part is ? If he had asked you to follow him, even then, you would have followed him without any hesitation. You had once thought that he would be the one by your side forever..Guess you were wrong ? You sniffle before opening the locket hanging from your neck where a small picture of him is hidden. You smile tenderly at the picture before taking the locket off and pondering what to do with it now ? You have to forget. He is only a dream, a beautiful dream..but a dream nonetheless. Heroes like him belong to the world, not you. You take a shaky sigh before wiping your tears away and smiling again. You had married someone that loved you and that you loved, you should be happy..But then, why does your heart seem so eager to prove you wrong, beating wildly in your chest out of protest ? You close your eyes and let one single tear roll down your cheek one last time before letting the locket fall from your hand on the floor as you stand up. You then put on your fake smile again and open the door to step out.

I had to listen to so many sad songs to do this. Hope it was worth it.

[flrtwoo]

wc: 1.3k

as changmin neared the locker room, he heard a bunch of shouts and hoots coming from inside. soon after, a crowd of highschool kids started making their way out of the room, buzzing with energy and excitement. siyeon, who was in the crowd, spotted him and ran towards her favorite uncle.

"uncle changmin!" she shouted, earning a jolt from the clueless guy. when he saw siyeon coming his way, he smiled so wide and opened his arms for her. she jumped into the hug, laughing in happiness.

"that's a lie, you now have all the time in the world to do mom's errands WHICH you can't run away from anymore!"

"okay... maybe but don't think that i'm not dragging you with me to do them!"

you watched changmin and siyeon interact so animatedly from the entrance of the locker room, and you couldn't help but fall even further for the guy who's already stolen your heart. his smile could literally light up the whole world, you truly believed that.

"so i lost to dimples? huh."

"so i lost to dimples? huh."

you turned to meet the owner of the voice. "younghoon i still don't know how to respond to your comments, i love you but also are we really okay?"

your best friend laughed as he slung an arm around your shoulders. "YES we're okaaay it's just funny to see your reactions whenever i make comments about my crush on you!"

"you're sick, you know that? sick in the motherfriking head." you poked his head, younghoon continuing to laugh. "i know, i know."

from his peripheral vision, he saw changmin waving siyeon goodbye and walking towards you. with that, younghoon made it his cue to leave.

"looks like lover boy is coming right this way, so don't feel pressured to come to the lunch! i'll take care of the kids for now, you enjoooy your time." he teased and winked at you. you pretended to gag, mouthing a "what the fuck?" to him as he shrugged and left your side.

once you faced forward, you were met with a very nervous-looking changmin. "congrats y/n! you're the last person i needed to congratulate, i already spoke with younghoon but yea." he said.

"thanks changmin." you gave him a soft smile. he looked extremely anxious and you didn't know what was going through his head, so the both of you just kind of stood there in an awkward silence.

as you were about to end the conversation because where tf was this going to go, changmin cleared his throat. "i know your busy with the team, but can we talk? there's something i actually need to say to you."

"oh, sure! we can talk outside, at least it doesn't smell like chlorine and sweat out there." you commented, trying to lighten the mood. however, changmin didn't respond and just made a beeline towards the entrance of the arena.

you were confused, a little scared even. "what if he didn't want to be friends anymore? what if he was moving away to someplace far? what if he's not actually human? what if-"

"y/n, don't worry! it's nothing of that sort." he chuckled. "holy shit i thought out loud." your face grew beet red, and you stuttered out an apology for how he shouldn't have heard your thoughts.

you two eventually made it outside after an excruciating minute of you fanning the red out of your face and him trying to hold in his laughter at your embarrassment. you found a bench and sat on it, gesturing for him to follow.

as he sat down, he rubbed his hands against his pants, wiping off the nervous sweat that had formed. "okay, y/n i'll need you to listen to me carefully. let me know your thoughts after, alright?" he asked as he turned to face you.

"will do changmin!" you turned to face him too and flashed him an encouraging smile.

changmin was nervous in front of you, but the warmth you exuded from your smile alone was enough to give him the confidence to just think fuck it and tell you what he's been meaning to tell you for a while now.

"y/n the way we met, it was so, how do i put this... out of the blue? i mean, who expects to be punched during work duty and be pushed into the pool for literally standing there?"

you laughed at this, recalling the memory of how messed up your first and second meetings were.

"okay, i admit the second time was partly my fault, but still! it's crazy to tell people 'yea i met them in a haunted house where i was the scarer they punched'! but honestly, it's a much more interesting story than all the other 'how did you meet?' stories out there."

you nodded in agreement.

"when i met you the third time, you as siyeon's coach and me as her uncle, not gonna lie i wasn't the happiest about that. i'm sure you knew that too. but we kept meeting and meeting again under the most unexpected circumstances, and eventually i just thought 'maybe they're meant to be in my life, one way or another.'"

"we started talking more and hanging out, and soon i started looking forward to every time we talked and, well, hung out. i mean, you made even the boring things seem fun! that time i was studying for that dance theory test? all you did was ask the dumbest questions and i was already on the floor laughing my ass off!"

you wanted to protest about how your questions were NOT dumb, but changmin stopped you.

"i'm sorry, yes your questions were not dumb, i was just kidding." he patted your head, smiling affectionately at you. you rolled your eyes, however a smile similar to his soon made its way to your face too.

seeing you look at him with so much love in your eyes made something in his mind click and suddenly, his thoughts have never been clearer.

his heart's never been happier.

he didn't just like you. you meant so much more to him, and he knew you needed to know.

"what i'm trying to say is: home is somewhere i feel happy in, where i feel comforted, where i feel loved. and if being with you makes me feel those things, then y/n you are my home. and i hope you feel the same way, because i love you."

changmin exhaled as if he was holding his breath the entire time. he looked at you expectantly, waiting for your answer.

you, on the other hand, was shocked. just plain shocked, and you didn't know what to do, how to react, or what to even say.

the guy who'd stolen your heart had just admitted that you've stolen his heart too, so how the fuck do you respond to that.

after you had stayed silent for 13, 14, 15 seconds (yes, changmin was counting), he lost all hope. sighing, he looked down at his hands. "i'm sorry for putting this all on you, i knew it was a stupid idea, i'm sorry-"

you cupped changmin's cheeks to stop him from talking. he looked up, meeting your glassy eyes. you slowly neared his face until you were inches apart, and whispered your reply.

"i love you too, dumbass."

you closed the distance, lips meeting his as you kissed him slowly, sweetly. he smiled into the kiss, holding you as if you could disappear between his fingers.

it was a very romantic moment that unfortunately didn't last very long, because shortly after a bird landed on changmin's head causing him to scream, you to scream, and the bird to go number 2 on his head.

but oh well, everything about your relationship was so out of the blue anyways, right?

out of the blue | jcm

[chapter 19]

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summary: when you find out that one of the students you coach is the niece of the guy you accidentally punched in the face and pushed into a pool, you're not surprised that he's, well, disappointed at the outcome. however, you're determined to make amends with him for the sake of his niece... and maybe for the sake of his cute face too.

taglist: @s0ngk4ng @wooyoung-a @skiez @kittkyu @stealanity @sofie296 @ccobbiee @deputyjuyeon @enhacolor @simplewonderland @jaerisdiction @arepabella @snuhee @loonathewurld @loki-in-hogwarts @hidejeon @jakesahi @nyujjan @suzy-rainbow @w8nuzone @yeletbz @seungcheoluwu

can't tag: @yannew @deobib

(reply to this post or send an ask/message if u wanna be part of the taglist! :>)

a/n: I'M SO SORRY FOR THE LATE UPDATE i had to finish writing this piece but 🥲 last update on wednesday AAAA i hope you guys liked this chapter though, i didn't expect to go past 1k but i think i got carried away? 😃 it's not super edited too, so i'm really sorry if there are any mistakes!! please send me a message or tell me thru the ask box if there are hehe THANK UU <3

[kanmom51]

Timeline: Feb: Vlive JK body turned toward JM the whole time. Stares at JM for 16 seconds without blinking with the dumbest in love smile. March: Lets BTS. V says he likes JM the most. JM pushes JK to admit he's his copycat. After this, Jikook did not share a car to two shown outings for the first time in years. JK has looked uncomfortable with Jimin ever since Lets BTS. Maybe the copycat thing pissed him off. Maybe V's confession pissed him off. That seems to be when Jikook's dynamic changed.

The same day they didn't share a car ride they were all lovey dovey during the show, so yeah, not something you should count as problematic.

Also, them not sharing 2 car rides, when after that we have no idea if they continued to ride together or not, how can you base anything on that?

I truly don't understand how people are making all these assumptions. Truly don't.

Even in the last clip we heard from Hobi that they were sitting down to film 10 interviews. 10!!!!!

What we saw there were seconds out of several hours. Do you know just how tired they were? How worn out they were? How "I've had it up to here" they were?

Seriously, this has to stop.

How can you know JK is unhappy? And if he is unhappy, how can you know it's because of JM? Maybe it's about everything else around him and JM is the breath of fresh air that is saving him? You don't know it, I don't know it.

I, personally, don't see JK to be unhappy. He seemed surprised, caught off guard, not unhappy or uncomfortable.

He didn't look unhappy or uncomfortable with JM during the Muster, and that was after this supposed 'uncomfortable' clip was shot, so how does that fit in this whole theory?

Remember this:

What we see are 0.00001 % of their life or interactions. You cannot base conclusions on one or two clips. The whole idea is to see behaviour over a long period of time, put the pieces together only then, and even then understand these are only theories, assumptions and conclusions, not the definite unmistakable truth.

JK & JM are people, just like you and me. They have feelings, they have moods, they have faults. You may get to see them at their most active and happiest moments, but you might also catch them when one or both aren't exactly in the best place (tired, moody). That's why, once again, you do not make conclusions based on one single clip.

The fact that you think JK or JM should react in a certain way doesn't make that the gospel truth. They are the ones in a relationship, not you, and if they are ok with it, who are you to say otherwise?

And last, but definitely not least, so many miss the little nuances when it comes to their interactions. Those minute facial expressions that can say it all, but are missed so many times. Fans that claim to love JK don't even know who he is as a human being, what his personality is and how he tends to react in certain situations. Same said about JM.

So, once again, I will say, leave the relationship to them. Trust me that if one or either of them were unhappy they would not keep hovering around each other the way they do, ALL OF THE TIME.

[didsomeonesaydaddydraco]

What true love feels like - final part | Tom Felton imagine

I’M NOT CRYING, YOU ARE! Just kidding, I’m sobbing like a kid who’s candy was taken away. Excuse me for the grammar mistakes, I could barely see through my tears, writing this. But here it is, the final part for the mini series. I really hope you guys liked it. Thank you so much for the support! 

Word count: 4275

Pairing: Tom Felton x Reader

Note: For the best readen experience, I suggest you to listen the song Everyday I love you by Boyzone (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6QQQKJJBJOY) I’ll let you know when to start playing it!

Tag list:  @abrunettefangirlnerd ; @youknowiloveyou-so; @the-girl-who-drew; @thescaletknight2014; @lil5sosbetch; @pipppaaaaalouisee; @mysticskeletonfireherring

You can find the previous chapters right here:

Part 1      Part 2      Part 3      Part 4

*Tom’s POV*

Sometimes you meet someone, and it’s so clear that the two of you, on some level belong together. As lovers, or as friends, or as family, or as something entirely different. You just work, whether you understand one another or you’re in love or you’re partners in crime. You meet these people throughout your life, out of nowhere, under the strangest circumstances, and they help you feel alive. I don’t know if that made me believe in coincidence, or fate, or sheet blind love, but it definitely made me believe in something. And it was true love.

I spent the last two weeks with sitting by my phone, waiting for her to call or text me. I even went to see her at the lake house, but I could never make myself to get out of my car and knock on the door. I knew her better than that. She had to be alone and away from everyone and everything. So, even if it literally killed me, not hearing from her, I was more than willing to mop around my house and wait. Why? Because I deep down in my heart I knew that I was waiting for something great.

So when I opened my door in the middle of the night, and saw her standing there, I knew it was worth it. She was there. Smiling slightly and shyly at me, like it was the first time we met each other. And in a way it was the first time. The first time before a new chapter. A whole new adventure.

If it were up to me, I’d have married her right there. I’d have started my life with her. We’d have gone out and buy that piece of land I wanted so badly, built our dream house. We’d have had sex, cuddled by the fireplace and eat breakfast together in the morning. Go to work, and rush to get home just we could see each other. Eventually have a dozen of babies, and fight over whose parents we were naming them after. Buy another dog, so Willow wouldn’t feel alone. Celebrate our 10 years anniversary. Get in those bad fights, but make up after a day or so. Continue to surprise each other, watch the sunset from our front porch every now and then. Watch out babies graduate and start their lives. Retire. Meet our grandchildren. Hold each other every night and never forget the love that started this all. If it were up to me, I would have started that adventure with her right then.

I couldn’t say a word. I just kept looking and her beautiful face. Admiring how amazingly good she looked without any makeup on. She was a woman who wasn’t afraid to show her imperfections. And I loved that fact that I could be by her side through that long and painful journey. The journey where she learnt to finally love herself. Truly.

“So you chose me?” I finally asked the dumbest question ever. She was standing right in front of me. But I had to hear her saying it. I needed to.

“Yeah, you. It will always be you, don’t you get it? If I had the choice between you and a million things I’ve always wanted, I would choose you every single time” she said slowly, so I could fully understand her. And in that moment, I was the happiest man on Earth.

There’s a moment between a glance and a kiss. Where the world stops for the briefest of times. And the only thing between us is anticipation of her lips on mine. A moment so intense it hands in the air as it pulls us closer. A moment, so perfect that when it comes to and end we realize it’s only just the beginning. So I grabbed her by the neck and kissed her. Just kissed her so deep she forgot whose air she was breathing. Her kissed melted me like no one else ever had and I just wanted her to know how much I loved her.

“Come on in” I smiled at her after our lips finally parted “I wasn’t the only one who missed you”

I took her hand in mine and pulled her in the house. Willow was already sitting by the bottom of the stairs, patiently waiting to finally be able to see our guest. When I stepped out of her way and she saw Y/N kneeling down and calling out her name, she wasted to time and ran into her arms.

“Hey, girl” Y/N tried to keep Willow away from her face, but my doggie was too happy to finally see her again. She licked her face and hands and jumped on her. I didn’t blame her. I wanted to keep kissing and hugging her. But I knew she needed to talk to me, so I made my way to the kitchen and started to prepare our cups of tea, and gave them time to enjoy each other company for a while.

“I see you kept that terrible painting” she said from behind me. I look at her above my shoulders to see her pointing to the honestly terrible painting on the wall. I chuckled at the memory of her being blindfolded, sitting in front of the canvas and holding the brush in her hand, waiting for me to give her the instructions. We painted it on our little weekend getaway in Rome. Aaron was away for almost a month, so we could do anything we wanted. I remember how stressed she had been because of her final thesis, so after she turned it in, I surprised her with that little trip.

“Tom, wait” she laughed behind me as she tried to catch up. We just had a romantic candle light dinner at the small local restaurant. Beside us, there was only two other couple, enjoying the delicious Italian pasta with a bottle of amazing wine next to the scented candles and the red and white tablecloth. We already had a bottle of wine, but we drank one more after dessert as well. After we paid, I had a great idea, I was just hoping I could find the right shop still open to buy the equipment.

“Hurry up, baby” I called after her “We don’t have much time and I’m sure it’s going to be raining in a couple of minutes”

I told her to wait for me outside of the shop and quickly bought everything I need for my plan. I had always wanted to do this with someone, but never had the chance to do it. I wanted to do it with someone who I knew was going to enjoy it. And I knew for sure Y/N was type who liked the most unexpected and cliché things.

I grabbed her hand and basically dragged her with me. I was full with energy and the night was still young. There were a lot of things in my mind. Like my little plan, maybe another bottle of wine, and sweet love making with her in the candle lit living room.

“Alright, Felton” she stopped in front of me when we entered our rented flat “Tell me what you have in mind!”

“Go and put on a shirt you don’t mind ruining” I smiled at her and put down the bag on the kitchen counter. She just shook her head and turned around to go and get changed. I couldn’t keep my hand to myself, so softly and teasingly slapped her ass. I respected her. I loved her. But I was a man and she was the most beautiful and the hottest woman I had ever met. So there were times when I couldn’t control the wide caveman in me. But she knew me better, so these things were never offensive in her eyes.

She came back a couple of minutes later in one of my old shirts she had stolen from me like a month ago. She liked to hang out in it, play with Willow in it. I didn’t mind, it was an old shirt and I barley wore it anymore. But it looked amazing in her.

“So?” she wrapped her arms around my waist and stood on her tiptoes to kiss my lips shortly.

“Sit down, darling” I nodded to the chair and picked up her scarf from her bag “Do you trust me?”

“Of course” she said without hesitation. She sat down and waited. I carefully blindfolded her and poured paint on the palette for her “Why is it if you have something in mind, it always comes with something messy?”

“I just love to make a mess” I laughed and placed a brush in her hand “Believe me, you’re going to love this”

I stood behind her and bend down a little so my mouth was the same level as her ears. I kissed the soft skin behind her ear, and I could hear her breathing quickening. This was amazing.

“Take the brush and dug it in paint” I whispered slowly, letting my breath tickling her skin. She slowly breathed out and obeyed my command. She held the brush, ready to paint, only waiting for my next instruction “Good girl”

“Now, touch the canvas with it gently and paint a straight line from down to up” I put one of my hands on her bare thigh and squeezed it gently. She did as she was asked.

“Hmmm” I stroked her skin “Now, dug in the paint again” my fingers were dancing on her inner thigh “And paint dots on the rhythm of my fingers on your skin”

“And now, paint a circle” I told her. She almost dropped the brush when I started kissing her neck. A smirked to myself, knowing very well that she was close to lose it and turn around to kiss me. She almost did, but I stopped her “Ah no no no, baby girl. Where’s the circle?”

“Tom” she moaned as my fingers went further up on her thigh. I bit on her neck to show her who was in control “Fuck” she whispered my painted the circle nonetheless.

It went like this for a bit more. Me, teasing her and giving her the instructions, and her, trying her very best to not show everything of the table and push me against it.

“It’s terrible” I said when I looked at the final picture. There was no concept at all. Just random colours and random lines, dots and circles. But we made it. I put a little paint on my finger and left my fingerprint at the bottom right corner. I took Y/N’s finger and did the same, right next to mine.

“Do you want to take a look, baby girl?” I whispered in her ear, and that was the last straw. She tore the scarf and throw it away, not giving a damn if it landed in paint or not. She turned around and crashed her lips on mine. This kiss wasn’t gentle at all. It was wild, eager and passionate. When she finally looked me in the eye after the kiss, I could tell we were thinking about the same thing. Her eyes were dark from lust, and there was the dangerous flame in them that I loved so much. She only glanced at the painting for a brief moment.

“It really is terrible” she said and stood in front of me “But now, take me to the bedroom”

“You don’t have to ask me twice” I smiled at her and picked up. Her legs were wrapped around me, and I was sure she could feel everything. We made love for the first time that night. And it was the most amazing night. Little did I know, it was the first out of a lot more.

“It happens that I like it a tiny bit” I winked at her and handed her a cup of tea “I reckon you’d like to talk about a few things, right?”

“Yeah, I think we should” she nodded and went to the living room, Willow following her right away. Y/N sat down, and she immediately laid down by her feet. I joined my girls on the sofa and waited.

“I had a lot of time to think. And I talked to my brother a lot about these feelings that were building up in me” she started and never broke eye contact “I told him everything. About you and me…”

I took a sharp breath. Definitely not how I wanted to be introduced to her family.

“He took it quite well. All he wanted to know if you made me happy and treated my right” she smiled at me “When I assured him that you were literally treating me like a princess, he wished us nothing bet the best. Also, he said something very thoughtful. When I was telling him about how long I had been searching for someone who loved him, and someone I could love, he told me that love is not something you go out and look for. Love finds you, and when it does, ready or not, it’ll be the best thing to ever happen to you”

It was true. The best love is unexpected. You don’t just pick someone and cross your fingers it’ll work. You meet them by fate and it’s an instant connection, and the chemistry share is way above your head. You just talk and notice the way their lips curve when they smile or the colour of their eyes and all at once you know you’re either lucky or screwed. In our case, we were both. We met at the wrong time, but still. We made it work. Not in the most respectful and fair way, but we didn’t let go.

“But you’re still scared” I took her shaking hand in my and squeezed it to calm her down. She didn’t have anything to be afraid it. It was me, who she was talking to, after all “It’s okay. I’m scared too, and I don’t know why. Maybe I’m scared because you mean more to me than any other person. You are everything I think about, everything I need and everything I want.”

“So, what now?” she scooted closer to me, and rested her head on my shoulder. I kissed the top of her head and hugged her tight. I wanted her to know I wasn’t going anywhere. I was there for the long run.

“I think it’s finally our time” I tilted her head up by her chin and kissed her slowly. Yes, it was our time. And I was going to make every second of it worth it.

 < 3 years later >

*Y/N’s POV*

When I was a little kid, I loved going to weddings. God knows how many times I was asked to be a flower girl or a bridesmaid. All the decoration, the music, the spirit of true love mesmerized me, and I often find myself imagining my own wedding. I still remember the beautiful white and blush pink decoration with the fairy lights and roses all around the huge mansion. The beautiful ball gown wedding dress, made for me. But this time, everything was different. The huge, modern chalet which we rented for the reception was decorated with deep dark green and silver decoration, and the candles in the black wrought iron holders give and edgy but romantic feeling to the whole decoration.

From the room, which was assigned to be the dressing room for my flower girls, bridesmaids and I had the best view at the backyard. The chairs were covered with silver chair skirts, tied around with a beautiful, dark green ribbon. The trees were so colourful, due to the season, and fairy lights decorated them. Candles were already lit, and followed the way from the back porch’s staircase to the wedding arch, which was made out of evergreens and fairy lights. Everything was perfect.

“How are you feeling, darling?” my Mum asked me from the armchair. I looked at myself in the mirror, and admired the dress I was wearing. It was a simple bright white satin wedding dress, which hugged my body like a waterfall. The straps were made of small diamond-like crystals and fall down on my back, like they were the back of my dress. It was simple, but I felt like I was the most beautiful woman in the whole world.

“Like I want to run down the aisle and finally marry him” I smiled at her. This time, there were no bad feelings, I was shaking from fear. I was sure I was about to make the best decision. I played with my silver bracelet. The single teardrop shaped pearl wasn’t lonely anymore. There were other charms from the places we visited in the last couple of years.

“I’ll go and get your Dad than” Mum kissed my cheek and left me to find my Dad.

I took a deep breath and looked outside again. Family and friends were already sitting, and my flower girls and bridesmaid were waiting by the aisle to walk down before me. I could see a familiar dirty blond hair, talking with his best man and friends near the altar. For so long I thought marriage wasn’t for me. Even when I was with Aaron. But I realized it was for me. And it was with that man, with the most mesmerizing blue eyes and bright smile. With that man, who was the most beautiful person I had even met in my entire life. Sometimes I just looked at him and thought how lucky I was that he was mine.

“Let’s get you married” my Dad said as he entered the room with the biggest smile on his face “No cold feet?”

“No cold feel” I answered and laced my hand with his.

*start the song now*

The first accords started to play when the musicians saw me and Dad arriving. Suddenly, all eyes were on me, and I could feel myself getting emotional, tears blurring my vision. The sun was just setting, and the lights of the trees and the little path made out of candles made the whole scene look magical.

But the most magical part was the man who was waiting for me at the end of the aisle. We were looking at each other, not caring about our families and friends around us. I only see him. He, in his pitch black suit with the silver tie witch complemented his bright blue eyes. He had the most beautiful smile on his face, and I had to stop myself from running up to him and kiss him. Nothing was stopping us now.

We were halfway down when I could see it. He was crying and smiling at the same time. Damn, I was the luckiest girl in the world.

“Take care of my little girl” I tried so hard to stop myself from crying, but when my Dad placed my hand in my soon to be husband’s, I could help but let a few tears escape.

The ceremony was beautiful. The speech the registrar said was true, emotional and a little bit funny, but the whole time I was lost in the most beautiful eyes. I couldn’t look away. I didn’t want to. I was looking at my future.

“Ladies and gentleman” the registrar spoke “It’s time for this two beautiful and in love people to take their vows.

Tom’s niece stepped closer and handed him my ring, which he almost dropped because his hand was shaking so much. I chuckled and whispered a tiny ‘I love you’ to calm him down. He cleared his throat and looked back at me. We immediately get lost in each other’s eyes.

“I, Thomas Andrew, take you, Y/N Y/M/N to be my friend, my lover, the mother of my children and my wife. I will be yours in times of plenty and in times of want, in times of sickness and in times of health, and in times of joy and in times of sorrow, in times of failure and in times of triumph. I promise to cherish and respect you, to care and protect you, to comfort and encourage you, and stay with you, for all eternity” he smiled at me “I’d love nothing more than to stumble through life with you”

He slowly slipped the ring on my finger and gently kissed my hand, before wiping away a few of his tears. I took his ring from our niece and kissed the top of her head before she returned to her father’s side with a huge smile.

“I, Y/N Y/M, take you Thomas Andrew, to be my husband, my partner in life and my one true love. I will cherish out union and love you more each day than I did the day before. I will trust you and respect you, laugh with you and cry with you, loving you faithfully through good times and bad, regardless of the obstacles we may face together. I give you my hand, my heart and my love, from this day forward for as long as we both shall live.” I winked at him and said the last line of my vow “I’d love nothing more than to stumble through life with you”

I slipped the ring on his finger and from that moment, that wasn’t power on Earth that could have stopped me from crying. I didn’t care how ugly I looked crying or if my makeup was a mess. I was his wife. And he was my husband.

“Y/N and Tom” the registrar smiled at us “You came here today to affirm your love for one another and formally acknowledge that which your hearts already knew…”

Tom and I both chuckled, thinking about how our love started.

“That your lives are meant to be shared as one, that you are stronger together than you are apart, and that, for all your days yet to come, you wish to share together all life’s joys and challenges, committed one to the other”

She took a breath and with true joy in his voice he continued.

“I now pronounce you Husband and Wife! You can now kiss the bride”

He didn’t waste a second. Tom picked me up and kissed me passionately. He didn’t have to say anything. Everything was in our first kiss as husband and wife. And it was the sweetest kiss we had ever shared.

***

We were standing on the porch, watching our friends and now shared family having the time of their lives. Drinking, eating, dancing, bonding and laughing. It was perfect. Just the way we imagined our wedding. We spent almost a year planning it, Tom helping with everything, sometimes being even more excited than me. He never skipped a meeting with our wedding planner. He was really there for me. And he was the one who planned our honeymoon. No matter how many times I asked, or how I tried to trick him to tell me where we were going, he kept it as a secret. Always saying it was a gift.

“You’re still not telling me, right?” I looked up at him. We had been standing there for quite a while now, just hugging each other, staring into each other’s eyes and sharing sweet kisses as a married couple.

“Nope” he kissed my forehead and pulled me even closer. I could feel and hear his heart beating against his chest.

“I have a gift for you too” I pulled away and stepped into to house to grab the little silver envelope from my bag. My hands were shaking and I was terrified to give it to him. But also, I was excited “There’s one thing you have been wanting for so long. And I’ve been holding this is my dresser for a few weeks now, so excuse me for not giving you the latest one, but I really hope you’re going to love it.”

He took the envelope from me and opened it gently. He slowly pulled out the small, black and white picture with a red hear shaped sticker on the middle of it, framing the bean sized dot.

“Is that…?” his blue eyes were filled with tears “Are you? Are we having a…?

“A baby?” I asked with tears in my eyes too “Yeah, we are. I’m pregnant”

“I’m going to be a Dad” he yelled and picked me up for the second time today. He twirled around with me and showered my face with kisses. I was sobbing like a little baby. He was so happy. I knew how badly he wanted to be a father, and his dream was finally coming true.

“Never in a million years did I think I’d find someone so utterly and completely perfect, someone who would make me happier than I ever dreamed I could be. Someone that would touch my life so profoundly and just give me a whole new reason to breathe. But then I found you and realized that everything I anticipated you to be doesn’t even compare who you are.” he held my face in his hands. The amount of love I felt for that man was almost unbearable. I smiled at him and kissed him softly. I knew that no matter what was waiting for us, we were going to be okay because we had each other. He taught me so many things. He helped me to love myself. But most importantly, with him by my side, I could finally tell what true love felt like.

[dobrikswriting]

Broken

Request: Request: Can you write an image about David where the reader and him used to date but it ended badly, so the reader goes home (somewhere far like on the east coast) and tries getting over him. Because their relationship was public, her friends turn on her, so the reader tries to kill themselves and David finds out. Something soft and edgy

Keep the requests coming :)

TW: Suicide

"I don't think I can do this anymore." I said finally after about an hour of arguing. I don't even remember what started the fight but lately it seemed like we didn't need a reason to start going at each others throat.

"So you're just done with us then?" David said rolling his eyes. "Just giving up. That's so like you y/n" He scoffed.

"What are you talking about David?!" I shouted back, anger had worn off and I was just tired and drained and hurt. "I'm not giving up I am holding on to you for dear life but you can't be bothered to make any time for me at all. What am I even giving up on there isn't even a relationship here anymore all you care is about is your vlogs and your friends." I said tears starting to well up in my eyes as I looked at the man that once held all the happiness in my life. I loved him. But I was tired of feeling like I was the only one putting work into the relationship.

"Whatever it's my job do you like living the way you do?" He said not even looking in my direction. "I think you're right lets just end this." He said, no emotion in his voice as he got up from the couch we were sitting on and leaving to his room shutting the door behind him. I sat on the couch for a couple minutes. There was a part of me that was happy to be done with the fighting and almost optimistic of what the future could hold without having the pressure of the fans and the public. But most of me was sad. I don't know how we let it get to this point, we used to be the best couple. We used to make time for each other and we used to clear our days just to see one another. Now I was lucky if I got an hour alone with him once a week. I picked up my bag and walked out of the once familiar house that now just held a lot of memories I no longer wanted to remember. Not even the good ones. My heart ached and I just wanted to forget David all together.

-- 2 weeks later --

I unloaded the last box from my dads truck, setting it down and looking at the small apartment and thinking of ways I could make it feel more like home. "I'm glad to have you home sweetheart." My dad said pulling me in for a hug and kissing me on my forehead. I looked up at him and I know he could see the hurt inside me. That man has known me like the back of his hand all 22 years I've been alive. "I know it's hard right now but remember who you are. You don't need anyone to you special. You do that all on your own. Be young and have fun." He said pulling me closer before letting me go. "I gotta get back home but let me know if theres anything I can do for you. We'll do dinner tonight okay? I love you" 

"Okay I love you too Dad." I replied and giving him the most convincing smile I could before he left me and I could drop the act. 

Once I was alone I sat down on the floor looking around at the apartment. It was small but it would do. I never thought I'd have to move back to New York. I never thought I'd have to live alone or be alone again, but here I was and I was so truly alone. After the break up I thought I would get a clean cut from life and get a new start. That was far from the truth. When David and Liza broke up they did it in the perfect way where no one was at fault and this is what was best for them both, but for David and I it was a completely different story. I was just gone, and not mentioned except to be the butt of some jokes. No one tried to make it seem like it was mutual or that we both did things wrong. No one out right said I was a bad person but the second we broke up the fans ate it up and ran with it. Everyone thought I was this monster and of course thought that i treated David horribly or cheated or something. It wasn't even worth it to stand up for myself.

I had thought moving home would help to be around people that knew me before David people that were MY friends. But when I made the decision to leave LA I texted a couple people I thought would be happy and I either got no reply or a half hearted one. Its sucked being the less liked person out of a break up.

I stood up not wanting to think about it anymore and started on the unpacking. While I was doing that I texted a couple friends hoping we could get together and have drinks since I got back. I unpacked for about another hour before going to check my phone thinking I would have a couple replies but there was nothing. I sighed and laid down on my bed, as I watched the ceiling fan move in circles and thinking about what I was going to do I saw my phone light up out of the corner of my eyes, I perked up hoping it was a text. 

"New Video From David Dobrik" The youtube notification read. I hadn't turned them off yet. Something in me liked to watch them. I liked to see him being happy and having fun that was the David I fell on love with. It seemed like the breakup hadn't phased him at all. I started to watch the video until I couldn't see anything any more because the tears had completely blurred my vision. He was so happy and I'm falling apart. I had never felt so small.

How was it so easy for him to just move on and go about his day and pretend I never existed. How was it so easy for people who were supposed to be on my side who were supposed to me friends and my support system to completely turn their backs on me when no one knows the story. No one knows what happened but they're all so ready to believe some trashy internet article rather than me. I completely broke down. I hadn't cried at lot after the break up and it feel like my body was holding it all in for this very moment. I had never felt more alone. I cried until my body just shut down and I closed my eyes and fell asleep, my eyes no longer able to keep themselves open.

 I woke up with a pounding headache, and a little disoriented. I looked around and reached for my phone. One text from my dad fifteen minutes ago.

"Dinner in an hour sound good?" I quickly replied that I would be over soon. I had only slept for an hour and I still felt so exhausted. I got up and went to the bathroom to get some advil for my head before I realized it hadn't been unpacked yet. I sighed and started to sift through all the bathroom boxes to find it. I had found my makeup, hair supplies and skin care products but no advil. I opened the next box that thankfully did have the advil but something else caught my eye more. The orange prescription bottle that was full of small white pain killers. I had completely forgotten about the medicine from both mine and davids wisdom teeth removal. We didn't use most of the pills and we combined the two bottles into one after when we had to travel shortly after the surgery, wanting to have them just in case. I picked the bottle up and for a second I thought to myself that this was the dumbest idea I ever. The idea to take all them right now. 

But a bigger part of me wanted to take them so badly. It seemed like the answer that felt the best. The answer that would cause me least amount of pain. Just to be gone. I had already seen how easy it was for people to forget about me and move on so who would I really be hurting. I had always struggled with depression my whole life going off and on anti-depressants after I tried to hurt myself when I was in high school. Since I had moved to LA I had been able to keep myself on track with therapy and taking my medication but that hadn’t been happening lately.

I didn't take time to think everything through I just grabbed a glass of water and threw back a couple of pills with each gulp. I didn't keep track of how many I was swallowing I just kept going until the bottle was empty. I slowly walked out to my disorganized living room sitting on the cheap couch and laying my head back. A sense of peace washed over me thinking everything would be over soon. No tears, just memories going through my head.

My high school graduation, with all the people I thought would always have my back. I thought back to the first time I met David, a loud club with people dancing and music playing but I remembered the first time I saw him my world stopped. I smiled as the memory washed over me. I couldn't help but think how it would of been different if our lives weren't public. I could feel my stomach start to turn and my body starting to reject the contents I had filled it with. I focused harder the memories flashing through my head. A few tears welled in my eyes thinking about my dad and how much this would hurt him. Ever since my mom left when I was three it was me and him against the world. Even when he got remarried and had my little half brother, there was a bond between us that no one else would ever come close to. I hoped he would understand.

After a while my body started to go into panic mode as the drugs started to do the damage I had intended them to do. My brain was calm though and as my world started to break down around me I tried to find my happiest memory. The best thing I could think of to be the last time I ever think of. Davids face wouldn't get out of my head and all I could think of was the very first time we said I love you. We had just gotten back from filming a bit with Jonah's family and we were sitting on the couch, David had his headphones in and was focused on editing, I was about to go home so I kissed him on the cheek to say good bye and as I went to turn around he grabbed my hand. I looked back at him and he was looking at me with more love that I than I thought anyone would ever have for me. "I love you." He said softly. I can't explain how happy and loved I felt in that moment. I wanted to stay trapped in that memory forever. I remembered over and over again how his hair fell when he ran his hands through it, always perfectly messy. How good he looked in glasses, and how my heart raced when he looked at me with that little grin when he was slightly biting his tongue. I remembered everything, until I could remember nothing. And everything went black.

----

(David's POV)

I looked out the window as the plane landed, anxious to be able to get off the plane and get to New York. The last day had been a blur I almost don't remember how I got here. It started with Erin calling about a weird snapchat story she saw y/n's brother had posted and then finding out she had tried to kill herself. Thinking about what was going through her head to make her come to that solution made me sick to my stomach.

To think I played a part in her thinking made me feel like I shouldn't have jumped on a plane to see her. I should of left her alone and let her family take care of it and kept myself as far away from her as possible. She deserved better. But I couldn't I had to tell her how much she meant to me and how it would destroy me if something happened to her. The past few weeks without were the worst of my life. I hadn't talked to anyone about why we broke up, i think i just didn't want to admit that I was the bad guy in the situation. That I had fucked up and was focusing too much on things that didn't really matter and not enough on the one thing that was my escape from the world. The one person that had my back so much that I became used to it. I became used to it and I felt comfortable and all the things she did for me instead being grateful for them I started to expect her to do them. And when she left I realized the giant hole that was in my life without her, but i felt like I had no place in asking for her back. She deserved someone that always knows her worth not someone has to lose her to realize it.

The ride to her house felt like it was 10 hours long, hitting every stop sign, I wanted to scream at the uber to run every light. But I just kept my calm preparing myself for what I might be walking into. I don't know if she was even going to be there or going to let me talk to her but I had to try. It took a lot of convincing to her her brother to give me her address after he told she had already been released from the hospital and I needed to see her.

My uber pulled over outside of run down apartments. They looked dark and not the welcoming environment y/n usually surrounded herself with. I quickly got out and started walking to the entrance, walking down the hall searching for her apartment number. I stopped in my tracks as I saw her apartment. I took a couple deep breaths as I knocked on the door, I heard movement and was happy to see there was no peep hole on her door so she wouldn't know it was me and ignore me. I heard the latch on the door unlock and it opened.

 I almost didn't recognize her. She looked so different, tired and like she hadn't been eating. She had no emotion on her face until she realized it was me then she instantly moved to slam the door which I caught with my hand.

"Please just give me a couple minutes." I pleaded.She didn't even look me in the eye as she threw her hands in the arm and just walked back into her living room. I took that as an invitation and walked in shutting the door behind me.

"It's nice in here." I said looking around her new home, it was nice, but not as warm and inviting that her last place had been.

"Why are you here?" She asked sinking into the couch.

"I just wanted to see and make sure you're okay. Your brother told me what happened and I was worried." I said not sure if I could sit next to her so I decide to just stand. "Are you okay?"

"I don't know why he thought it was okay to tell you anything about me but I think you already know the answer to that question David." She spat back at me. "No I'm not okay but I don't need your pity party, I don't need you to pretend to care about me so you feel better about yourself so you can go back to your awesome life in LA and not feel like you had anything to do with what I did." She said finally making eye contact with me for the first time. I had never seen her eyes look so hurt.

"That's not why I'm here." I replied. "I'm here because I do care, I needed you to know that if you think i don't care about you, thats wrong. If you think I wasn't affected by you leaving, that couldn't be further from the truth. I had to interrogate your brother to figure out what happened he didn't want to tell me but I needed to know. I needed to know that you were okay and I needed to see you." I said looking away from her. I couldn't stand that I played any part in making her like this.

 "Look David that's thoughtful. Thank you for checking on me. You can leave now. I'm alive I didn't actually kill myself, your conscious can be cleared. Now you can go back pretending I never existed, like you have been since I left." I could hear the hurt in her voice as she replied back to me.

"I messed up. I should of never let you leave that day. I should of told you I care. I should of made changes so you could see that I care. I should of never let you feel like I didn't care to begin with. My life isn't the same since you left. And I needed to see you and tell you that I love you with my whole heart and I'm sorry." I replied back hoping she could feel the sincerity in my voice.

"Everyone turned against me. You just went about life as normal with your friends to distract you but I had no one." She said, my heart started to get tight as I realized my actions went beyond what I could imagine. "You didn't think to clear the air? You didn't think to mention that us breaking up wasn't my fault and that I had been trying for month!" She shouted. "Everyone left me because of you. I have no one."

"I'm sorry, I couldn't talk about you. I couldn't admit that I was the fucking idiot that lost the best thing that I've ever had." I moved closer to sit down next to her. "You have people in your life that care about you and I'm sorry for anything I did to cloud that. Y/n when I found out that you...... when I found out what happened all I could think about is that in that moment I would throw my whole career away for you to be okay. I don't care about it. Not like I care about you." I said I could feel tears start to form in my eyes, now that I was sitting next to her I could smell her perfume, the same one she always wore. It had an oddly comforting effect and I just wanted to reach out and hold her.

"That's nice and all David but it's too late." She said I could feel her start to get up."Please don't get up." I said grabbing her arm lightly. 

"If you want nothing to do with me I will leave and never bug you again. But y/n, if you give me another chance I will never mess up again." I begged. She stayed sitting next to me.

 "You can stay and we can talk but I don't know if its going to change our ending."

"I'll take it." I said back and she looked over at me and I could tell tears were ready to pour out of her eyes. She closed her eyes and began to sob. 

"I'm pissed that I miss you so much. I want to hate you and not need you." She said through tears. I didn't say anything as I held her closer to me wrapping my arms around her and kissing her head and she cried into my chest. 

"Everything will be okay." Is all I could reply as she continued to cry. It would take a while but genuine believed what I was saying. And i was willing to work to make sure it was.

[minimins]

🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹 also ur header is soooo pretty;;;;

thank you so much bub ♡♡♡

hey noor, you nice, keep going. 

there’s your compliment lol.

JUST KIDDING!!!!!!!! noor!!!!!!! oh my gohd where do i begin??? gohd i stay telling you this every two sentences but I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!!!!!! ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

you are one of the best writers EVER!!!!! i’m being factual and so serious!!!! your works are so beautiful;;;;; i get so happy every time i read your works, they’re so amazing, gripping, full of life & love :C i have the dumbest looks on my face and the UGLIEST reactions ever but that’s telling you that you wrote something truly amazing :C your writing is so beautiful, i’m always blown away by how you write, your style is seriously awe-inspiring!!!!! i love your writing so much, writing that has made such a lasting impact that is thought of for years (forever) are ones that are the best ones ever, and you my friend have some of the best writngs ever ♡ you are one of my favorite writers ever; i have so much respect & admiration for you :C

you’re also one of the best people ever!!!!! you’re so caring, thoughtful, kind, understanding, lovely, :C you’re so dedicated, passionate, amazing, inspiring, insightful, influential, and so much more :C i love how we cry over yoongi together; we are in this loving (suffering from) mr. min yoongi thing together for life!!! you’re one of my dearest friends tbh;;;; i’m really surprised at how we became great friends cuz i cringe at our first interactions bc i’m so gd annoying & awkward but i’m so happy & grateful that we’ve gotten closer as friends ;___; i love you so much, i appreciate that you’ve been by my side through the utmost ugliest times and the happiest times;; you’re one of the best people ever, i’ll never be able to express how truly blessed i am to have you as a friend, i appreciate you so much :C i love you sososo much ♡♡♡♡♡♡

[ortegatrash]

FH chargestep wedding <3

Because people keep wanting to be able to get married in Fallen Hero, and because I proposed today and...he said yes. I’m in such a stupidly soft, happy mood.

You never thought you would see this day.

Tía Elena is sobbing with joy as she escorts Ortega down the aisle, the older woman clad in her finest dress and only slightly crushing the rose petals littering the area under her heels. While you two didn't exactly follow tradition with everything, you both thought it was only fitting - you don't exactly have any parents who could give you away and you couldn't begrudge your new mother-in-law a little adherence to tradition when she was so obviously overwhelmed with delight as seeing the two of you 'finally together, after all this time!'. A little orange rose peeks out of her cream jacket - she'd insisted on orange in honour of you and everything you've gone through. The colour of your tattoos.

You hadn't been sure what to think of it. On one hand, it was a reminder of everything in the past you wanted to get away from. But, well.

When she finally found out...she'd gazed upon the hideously bright things marring her skin and looked at you so heart-broken with tears in her eyes. Your heart had frozen for a second, thoughts of oh no, she...she is going to reject you running through your mind as you tried to calculate the nearest exit.

But this is the woman who raised Ortega, who basically tried to adopt you as her own - probably would have done so formally if you'd sign the papers. No, she managed to crush you in her embrace so tightly as she cursed very creatively in Spanish at the government, society, the world for doing this to you.

That's why she insisted on orange roses - "To tell the world we stand with you! To say, we know what you are and we don't care! And anyone who doesn't agree with this, they know you have the support of all of us!"

You'd been too touched by her righteous anger on your behalf to not let her have this. Perhaps there's a smidge of guilt too for not letting her know you were alive...it's a small offering to make her happy. You don't have the heart to fight over things that don't truly matter in the end, not these days.

You never thought you'd have this chance.

But then Ortega had appeared - always too nosey, too pushy by far. Squeezed into your life and just kept grinning at you with that stupid, dumb smile. The one currently being directed at you, like the idiot can't believe this is actually happening and this isn't just some sort of overly-elaborate dream.

Oh. Oh no.

Shit. You...you're in over your head.

You don't even realise you're holding your breath until your lungs start burning. Because...because Ortega is downright mesmerising, stepping towards you as if in a trance.

Look at those big, watery doe-eyes gazing at you, the sentimental romantic. Are those tears? Ortega is looking at you like you hung the stars in the sky or something else completely ridiculous.

You're not- you can't cry, oh no. You- you knew conceding to having all those flowers would trigger your hayfever! It...it's just your eyes watering.

Never mind the fact that you don't get hayfever.

Regenes like you were never supposed to have a life. Never supposed to be independent or be a real person - let alone fall in love. Never supposed to have that love actually reciprocated…

"To have and to hold, from this day forward-"

You hadn't ever thought you would actually be able to get married like...like a normal human being. Taken it for granted that something like that was only for Other People. Not you.

"-for better, for worse-"

Things got a lot worse before it got better. You've hurt the person standing in front of you so much and still. Ortega still wept like a baby at the proposal, tried to pick you up and spin you around. You were far too embarrassed to react but you took a gleeful sort of joy in making sure to 'accidentally' land on a foot when you were finally put down.

"-in sickness and in health-"

So many shared memories, so much blood spilt between you. Some of it because of each other. And so many other times where you stitched up each other's wounds, joked and laughed and cared. Cared so, so much, even when you wanted to hate. Because you had too much history - you couldn't just...pretend it didn't matter, even if you let the memories turn bitter and wielded them against each other.

"-To love and to cherish-"

You had to fall in love.

The dumbest, most foolish thing you could do. And yet.

You find you don't care. Not when those arms around you are so firm, so solid, not when they hold you like they'll never let go again.

"-Till death do us part."

A sudden flare of alarm sears through you because Ortega is turning away and this wasn't what was planned, what are you up to?

Of course Ortega arrogantly takes the mic. Of course Ortega taps it and grins wickedly at you. Something about the way you flush red from your ears to your toes makes you think the idiot has something dumb planned.

"You got that part wrong." Ortega corrects, to the bewilderment of the audience. "We aren't going to be parted by death, because even death couldn't keep us apart."

The- the sappy, soft-hearted fool! You...you are not touched by the corniness. Not at all.

Those eyes are so warm, so tender as they stare you down. As Ortega carefully takes the ring box that's been securely attached to Spoon's collar, giving his head a quick rub before Spoon sits down, content with a job well done.

As Ortega snaps open the box and holds it out between you.

"You know. There is so much I should say. So much I could tell you and so much I could say about exactly why I adore you. We don’t have the time to go on for the next few decades of me blabbering on here.” Ortega grins as a ripple of laughter makes its way through the audience. “But all it really comes down to is - I love you. And...and I hope that you feel the same way for me by now, since we’ve gotten all the way here...”

That’s a little more genuine anxiety in that soft voice than you suspect Ortega intends to let out but this is probably a really big thing. Those eyes search yours, trying to find any sort of sign for confirmation that this is what you truly want and it’s not still just a dream.

Something in your face must embolden Ortega again because of the way those fingers clutch the mic and that chin tilts up with the sudden strength of the conviction that washes over. “And... I know. I know I wasted so much time. So I promise - I will never let you go again, and I will follow you after death and beyond. Mi amor," - Ortega’s voice wavers a little, choked up with nerves and wonder and pure, overwhelming affection - "Will you do the honour of marrying me?"

Time.

Time stops.

And starts again, when you realise everyone is staring, Ortega's smile is starting to look a lot more nervous and you need to actually say something.

With a deep, embarrassingly shaky breath, you managed to squeak out: "I- I do. Of course." And then Ortega basically droops visibly relieved into your arms and you can’t help but mutter an “Idiot.” for good measure. But you're kissing, oh god, you're kissing like you've never kissed before and there is encouraging cheering and teasing and more than a few cat calls, but.

But Ortega is crying with joy because of you, overwhelmed beyond all words. Leaning in to whisper and repeat again and again and again: "Te amo, te amo, te amo!" and "I can't believe it, I can't believe I get to have you forever, I think I'm the happiest person alive right now."

You think you've finally discovered what happiness is and right it is sobbing into your overly expensive clothes and embracing you tightly. The only real difference is: Ortega is no longer afraid. No longer afraid that you'll disappear once you leave those firm arms, no longer afraid you'll disappear like a dream when people are not looking.

Nothing else matters when you see that irresistible smile.

Nothing else matters when you're the one to put it on that face, the face of the person you love so very, very much.

Nothing else matters because you have Ortega.

[lunarity2013]

🥀 ❓☀️ o-o

(NOTE: THIS IS MY FIFTH TIME TRYING TO POST THIS, PLEASE DEAR GOD LET THIS WORK THIS TIME! At least I had all this stuff copied into a note app to post easier just in case this happened)

Real quick, @taurrigan - THANK YOU for being so patient! Hopefully this one works!

So for reference, my HPHM oc is named Lucy Stone (that’s her in my icon, but I use my actual name in the game bc it’s just easier for me). I’m also going to use my main D&D character, a lesbian half-elf Rogue 8/Bard 1 named Naeris.

🥀 Has your OC ever been hurt by someone they love? Ever been betrayed? Abused? Attacked? Give me the angst! (if you’d like, write a short drabble about it!)

LUCY — After everything that happens trying to find her brother (Nathan, not Jacob bc I’m so original and decided this literally just now), Lucy feels extremely let down and betrayed by her only brother. She didn’t ever actually think she’d find him in the vaults, really only searching to gain some sort of closure for herself and their muggle parents. Finding him, however, and seeing how consumed he was by this pursuit really just broke her heart. It was like she truly did lose her brother after all. 

NAERIS — Naeris grew up with her human mother, with very little money to support them both, so she’s always felt abandoned by her elven father and his family. After her mother passed away and she was forced to move to the Feywild with him, she was still very resentful of his lack of presence in her childhood. On top of that, when she finally left to return to the material plane, only to find the busted remains of the village she once called home after apparently 60+ years had passed, she had never felt more alone than in that moment. Even now, she still can’t find where her mother was once buried, even the headstone turned to dust.

❓ A random fact or short drabble! Or make up your own question to ask the OC!

LUCY — (a drabble, for you. Also, please check out the ficlet @hogwartsmysterystory wrote for me a while back — it really helped me get inspired to write this!)

As “riveting” as the history of magic should have been, Lucy found that Binns’ monotone droning took much of the “magic”, as it were, out of what should have been her favorite subject in this school. Really, a whole history of magical learning and events, and all they did was read out of a textbook while their transparent professor bored them near to death as he clearly once did to himself many years before.

So it wasn’t any wonder, really, that she often spent this hour gazing dreamily out the window, thoughts drifting from one daydream to the next. Today was one of those days, brown eyes staring vacantly through large-framed glasses and out to the thick raindrops splattering the window outside. And it wouldn’t have surprised her friends to know what she often saw in these sleepless dreams of hers.

Gone were the days of endless worrying of Nathan and his disappearance from her life. He still came up, of course, but now more seemed more the image of a long-dead relative or yet-unsolved mystery than as pressing a concern as he was in her first year at Hogwarts. No, these days, a different face occupied her deepest thoughts and desires, once with the kindest eyes and a smile, one reserved just for her.

She wondered if he was taking her advice to heart, now; his concerns and her suggestions at his learning difficulties may not have saved him from their last test, but they, combined with constant care and practice, may just be his saving grace come finals. And if they managed to inform their professors, and get all their friends to help out, maybe Barnaby could show everyone who had ever doubted him just what he was capable of.

Lucy had always known he was smarter than people gave him credit for. Since she first met him, confused and vaguely threatening in the potions classroom years ago, she knew there was more to the Slytherin than met the eye. And as she watched the skies clear and the sun begin to peak out, she knew that she would do whatever it took to help everyone else know it, too.

NAERIS — (a question, provided by my sister for you) — What’s the dumbest thing your OC has ever done?

The dumbest thing Naeris ever did was, in our old campaign after multi-classing as a bard, she began using prestidigitation to prank her party members, specifically the halfling ranger (Phae) and half-orc barbarian (Oz).

Specifically, this one incident had Naeris hiding under Oz’s bed in an inn, and making loud sounds outside the door with the cantrip. This caused Oz to storm out into the Hall to figure out wtf happened, and with one failed stealth save, he found her and broke open a window to toss her out into the snow, 2 stories down. She was fine, but I couldn’t breath, and my best friend’s character (tiefling warlock Nerium, Naeris’ girlfriend) almost dumped her ass for her stupidity.

☀️ What makes your OC genuinely happy? A person, an item, their hobby? Where is the place they’re happiest, or most at home? What is the happiest they’ve ever been?

LUCY — The happiest Lucy has been in a while was at the Celestial Ball. No responsibilities, no cursed vaults, and no losing house points. Just her friends and getting to go on her first (unofficial) date with Barnaby — they both were so bad pining after each other after it that even Charlie was almost willing to swear off dragons if it got them to just shut up and kiss already… Almost…

Beyond that, she loves to read in the quiet of the Hufflepuff common room (her favorite spot at Hogwarts — if she could bake, it would be the kitchens, which is currently favorite spot number 2). She still remembers some of the music and dance lessons she took as a child, but almost never uses them outside of the ball and frog choir. She’d like to play quidditch, but feels she already has too much on her plate, and is content to cheer on her friends when they play (especially Barnaby, who makes one hell of a beater lol).

NAERIS — Naeris feels most at home in the comfort of her own room, in the place her party has built in Phandalin. She hasn’t had a place to really call her own since her mother died, and even then she shared one room with her mom, so having a room just for her plus extra space for poison-making, archery practice, and learning new spells and instruments is a real luxury to her.

As for favorite people, she’s still getting used to Phae and Oz. She likes them, and trusts them, but their combined antics are a force to be reckoned with, and she often has to play tough parent-fun parent with Nerium to get them to keep from drinking too much or running headfirst into the fray. But sometimes she gets to be a bit of a good herself, just like she always tried to cheer her mother up when she was I’ll, and seeing her newfound family smile (even at her own expense) was always worth it.

Plus, Nerium is a gorgeous tiefling babe with scary Raven Queen magic who not only willingly puts up with her less-than-ideal quirks, but chooses to love her in return. That’s always hella dope.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Anyways, I hope y'all enjoyed! If anyone has any more questions, or would just like to know more about my OCs/D&D characters, feel free to send me an ask in my box! I’m happy to answer your questions! 😊

(If y'all want a list of all my OCs and what fandoms, let me know, and I’ll post one for y'all)

(EDIT: fixed an inconsistency with Lucy's skills, as surprise! She actually can't bake worth a shit, and is only marginally better at actual cooking, so she just sneaks into the kitchens for snacks).

[courageous-she]

Comfort Part 2- Tom Holland

(not my image)

Part One

a/n: This is based off of another request! I actually really enjoyed writing this one, so I hope you enjoy!

Summary: After living with neuropathy for most of your life, you decide to get surgery to correct it. Tom is there during the entire recovery process and comforts you the night before you receive the news on whether or not the surgery worked.

Word count: 1563

Warnings: none

---

Four months. Four months of long, excruciating pain. This surgery was supposed to fix things, it was supposed to make everything better. You’d had little hope that it worked at this point, however. The pain you’d had to experience in the past four months had been more than you could have ever envisioned. And with the prospect of the surgery not even working, your faith was faltering.

Looking down at each of your casted legs you sighed, feeling completely and utterly helpless. You’d had the surgery at the end of April, meaning that you’ve had two casted legs for the heat of summer. Joy. As if that wasn’t bad enough, each month you’d had to go in to the doctors to have the casts replaced. Which of course, resulted in more excruciating pain. But with each visit you gritted your teeth and squeezed Tom’s hand, trying to ease the pain.

Tom. He was an absolute angel during this entire experience. He helped talk you through the positives and negatives of the procedure. And he supported your decision to ultimately go through with trying to fix your Neuropathy. He’d help you bathe and go to the bathroom, which aren’t exactly fun tasks. But either way, he was by your side comforting you through the pain and making sure you were okay every step of the way.

While Tom wasn’t around, either because he was doing work related things or spending some well-deserved time with friends, his mom was always willing to help you. She was essentially your second mom, seeing as yours lived farther away and couldn’t stay for the four months recovery period. Having Nikki around was a nice break because the two of you were able to talk about things that you knew Tom wouldn’t understand.

You were so grateful for the entire Holland family, who were constantly stopping by and bringing anything you might have needed. They were all extremely supportive of you and willing to help you throughout the recovery process. It was amazing to have so many supportive and loving people around and you never truly felt alone.

That was until everyone left and you and Tom were sleeping in bed. Well, Tom was sleeping that is. You truly hadn’t slept since the surgery seeing as the pain in your legs got worse at night. To pass the time you would either read or scroll on your phone until it died. Tonight, however was a different story. It was the night before your final doctor’s appointment. You were going to be getting your casts off for good and seeing once and for all whether or not the surgery worked.

This time you were actually trying to rest before your big day the coming morning. And you’d successfully slept for several hours before you woke to the familiar stabbing pains in your right leg. It was always usually the right. You tried not to move too much or make too much noise, fearing you might wake Tom. But your attempts failed as he stirred in his sleep and reached an arm over toward you.

“Love? Love, what’s wrong?” he questioned, sitting up in bed to face you, “Babe, you’re covered in sweat!” Noticing the pained look on your face he pulled you into him. He held you close and rocked you while whispering in your ear. This is how he usually helped you through the really bad pains, but he’d never seen you this affected by it before.

As he notices your crying start to soften, he loosens his hold on you slightly and moves you onto his lap. “Darlin’ are you alright? I’ve never seen you in this much pain…” his worried eyes scanned your face for any indication as to how much pain you’d truly just experienced.

Taking a deep breath and calming yourself a little more, you rested your head on his chest. “That was the worst one I think I’ve had. Sorry that I woke you though.” Tom shook his head at your comment and brought his lips down to kiss the top of your head.

“You’re covered in sweat, darling. Let me run a bath and we can get you cleaned up. Might help you relax a little as well.” He smiled softly at you, placing you back onto the bed. You watched as he shuffled into the bathroom, turning the light on before closing the door behind him. You heard the water start running and thanked God that you had someone like Tom who was there to support you through this.

Tom came back into the room a couple of minutes later and watched as you stroked Tess who had her head resting on your lap. “She must’ve known something was up” he chuckled, walking toward the two of you. Tess sat up happily as Tom approached. “Yes, I love you Tess” he cooed, holding the dogs face in his hands as she licked his, “but not nearly as much as I love Y/N.”

Tom turned to look at your small giggling face before swiftly picking you up in his arms. He walked you into the bathroom and carefully set you down on top of the closed toilet. “Well, first things first, love, you can’t take a bath with these on” he said motioning to your clothes. You giggled before carefully removing the large shirt you were wearing (no dauntedly one of Tom’s) while Tom helped you remove your shorts.

There was nothing sexual about this, as Tom had helped you plenty of times before. To you, it was embarrassing to have to have your boyfriend help you get undressed and bathed. For Tom, however, he thought it was the most romantic part of his day. He absolutely loved helping you in any way possible but helping you into the bath was his favorite. It was because the two of you were able to spend some interrupted time together; no social media, no pain in your legs, no nosey paparazzi, just you and him. It was one thing he would miss after you were able to walk again, though he was sure he’d be able to convince you to take a bath with him from time to time.

As Tom gently lifted you into the bathtub, you sighed with content at the feeling of the warm water. He’d even gone so far as to use one of your bath bombs. Resting your head back on the tile, you heard Tom chuckle from beside you. You crinkled your eyebrows before opening your eyes to look at him. He had the happiest and dumbest looking grin on his face.

“What’s with the grin, Holland?” you smile, not able to maintain your ‘interrogative’ persona.

“Nothing, love. You just look so relaxed and I’m glad that you’re not feeling that pain anymore.” He was sitting cross-legged on the floor next to the tub. He’d never left your side whenever you took a bath, instead wanting to help you with washing your hair.

“I just hope that it’ll go away soon, I don’t want the doctor telling me he failed so badly with this surgery that now I’m going to have to live like this.” Tom knew your worries, he always got you to open up somehow. But with the morning looming near and your appointment closer than ever, your fears were starting to take over.

Tom sighed. He was just as worried as you were about tomorrow, if not more. He absolutely hated seeing you in pain, and he knew how much you wanted to get back to a normal life. Although he didn’t mind taking care of you and helping you, he knew you felt like a burden and he hated that you felt that way.

“You need to remember, darling, that even if we don’t receive the results we’d hoped for, I will never stop loving you. In fact, I’ve fallen even more in love with you during this process because you’ve shown me what true bravery, strength, and perseverance look like. I am so beyond proud of how you’ve handled this poor situation life has dealt you and I have no doubt you will continue to be strong no matter the outcome. I love you so much, darling.” By this point, Tom his now leaning over the edge of the tub with his hand resting gingerly on your cheek.

You reach out to wipe the tear that fell from his face, and he chuckles while using his thumb to wipe your own tears. “I couldn’t have done this without you, Tom. You, and your family, have been absolutely amazing to me and I truly couldn’t have done this without your love and support. I love you more than you will ever know.” You’d turned so that Tom was sitting again and your head was resting comfortably on his shoulder, only moving every so often to place a kiss on his cheek.

The night continued on with you soaking in the tub with Tom by your side. He was showing you funny memes he’d found online making you laugh. Your thoughts of the next day faded as you relaxed more and more into Tom. You both sat there, giggling at dumb memes online until the water went cold and Tom helped you get cozy in bed. Thank god for Tom, you’d thought, before finally dozing off.

[filbobaggins]

The unhappiest generation

Perhaps this is an exaggeration but regardless I feel that this generation could quite easily be known as the unhappiest generation. Not the worst off generation by any means, not the dumbest, not the weakest, simply the unhappiest. Whether this is true or not I think a lot can be taken from it, because while I believe this statement I also think we have the potential to be the happiest generation and we may be closer than we feel.

This idea, for me, stems from a concept I learned recently of unconscious vs conscious incompetence which is something I think we can all learn a lot from. You are likely familiar with this in your lives already though you may not know it yet but this concept does apply to almost any task we face in our lives. Unconscious incompetence refers to when we first start a new task. We are both unskilled in the area and also unaware of exactly what the task ahead entails. Conscious incompetence then follows this and refers to when we start to learn and understand exactly what we need to do to improve.

What often happens is during the stage of conscious incompetence we actually feel like we are worse at the skill we are attempting to learn than during the previous phase even though this couldn’t be further from the truth. Think of any video game you may have played or perhaps a musical instrument you have learned, or really any other skill you can think off and you will be able to see exactly what I mean.

What is incredible about this concept is into how much of our lives this idea permeates. Mental health recovery in particular can be another area where this comes into effect. For many of us, before choosing recovery, life may have felt easier and in fact, after choosing this goal for ourselves, many of us may have felt like we got worse and started to suffer more. Recovery is not easy but it can be nice to understand that even when we are struggling we are learning and that setbacks are often nothing more than breaking down our goal further and learning a new obstacle we have to tackle.

Back to the title of the post however, how does our philosophy apply here? Well, the fact is, this generation I think is very much the most aware of the problems in the world. Thanks to a (only recently in the grand scheme of things) truly connected society we can see into every corner of the world. We are no longer unconscious to the issues this world has. But, if you ask me, that just means we are one step closer to fixing them.

Far smarter people than me could probably debate for years about why exactly many of us are so unhappy nowadays. From social media clouding our perception of reality and the constant negativity of the news and much further still, this issue is not an overnight fix. But as our understanding of the world, ourselves and our mental health expands we do have the ability to learn to be happy like no generation before has been. We have the ability to make the world a better place and to learn to acknowledge and work on but not let the issues of the world destroy us. We can learn to use social media healthily, making use of this wonderful tool to share ideas and hope and avoiding getting sucked into toxic ideas of perfect lives and people.

This isn’t about being the generation to fix all the world's problems or to become filled with perfect individuals. But maybe we can be the generation to accept that perfectionism is a toxic mindset and to accept ourselves as we are while we work to make the world better and teach our happiness to future generations to come.

Key ideas:

Sometimes we can feel we're getting worse when really we're just learning about our mistakes and becoming more self-aware.

[benusretrograde]

#HappyLailaDay

hello to one of my favorite people in the entire world (obv not you 😹😹)!! kidding!! hi sou or ***** 😏 my favorite ugly in the world. i can't believe it's already been past a year since we met and i'm still the luckiest person to have met you and be friends with you. thank you for being in the nsfw twt that time or else we wouldnt have met 😹😹 i still remember how ugly we were and you were the only one i trusted in that household... (sorry carter) and how i can honestly share ANYTHING with you and you'll just be there not judging me or something.

i'm really happy i met you because you're one of the people who make me laugh and smile in the dumbest ways. whenever i become dumb, you also become just as dumb. and we go dumb and stupid together. i'm babbling cos it's 1:18 am and i'm procrastinating but i really, really want to give you a letter from the heart and this is it. i'm in my most honest form when i'm sleepy. thank you for being the funniest person in the universe who'll literally laugh at my ugliest jokes. because of you i feel my confidence heightening even if i'm so lame at times. also i love how we automatically jsut get each other no matter whatsoever shit goes on in our lives. thank you for always being there hearing and listening about my rants and sad shit. and being my hypeman!! whenever i need one.

thank you also for sending me stupid stuff which i remind you of. thank you for listening to my ugly ass science babble. i really appreciate everything that you do for me and how you keep up with my ugliness and all that. i really love having you as my friend and i've never been so happy to keep one in my life. you're truly and deeply dear to me that's why i am wishing you all the best in life because you deserve it. i wish you all the happiness and love you can get because i know that you deserve it. and let me remind you, i'll always be here for you, to love and support you all throughout. have the happiest birthday, my 97 inches peepee senpai! i love you so much. ❤️

[pendrago0n]

Answer all of them ;p

ffs george you made me get my laptop out for this

- Is a kiss considered cheating? Yes

- Have you ever faked orgasm? Nope

- If you could have one superpower, what would it be? Invisibility 

- Do you think you are going to be rich in 7-8-9 years? No

- Tell us some funny drunk story… uhhh probably sitting with my housemates and pulling fluff from my vagina 

- Why are you no longer together with your ex? he’s a cunt

- If you had to choose one way to die, what would it be? In my sleep

- What are your current goals? Graduate uni and go on to do a masters

- Do you like someone? I love someone very much

- Who was the last person to disappoint you? dunno

- Do you like your body? Hate it

- Can you keep a diet? I have zero willpower when it comes to food

- If the whole world listened to you right now, what would you say? pls stop

- Do you work? Yes

- If you could choose only one food to eat to the rest of your life, what would it be? A roast dinner

- Would you get a tattoo? Yes

- Something you don’t mind spending all your money on? Lingerie

- Can you drive? No

- When was the last time someone told you you were beautiful? My boyfriend all the time 

- What was the last thing you cried for? My body

- Do you keep a journal? Yes

- Is life fun? Not mega fun

- Is farting in front of people irrelevant? Do you mean irreverent? Could be i guess

- What’s your dream car? an old Jaguar F type

- Are grades in school important? To me personally yes

- Describe your crush. His name is Sam and he has the most beautiful blue eyes and the softest blond hair. He is a truly lovely and genuine person, and he’s handsome inside and out. He has made me laugh and smile every day since we started talking. Cuddling and sleeping next to him is the best feeling in the world, he is literally the warmest person in the world and being in his arms makes me feel so safe, loved, and wanted. It makes me the happiest gal knowing I call him my boyfriend.

- What was the last book/movie that really impressed you? Moana

- What was your last lie? Telling my mum I’d tidied my room

- Dumbest lie you ever told? Fuck I dunno I’ve told some dumb ones lmao

- Is crying in front of people embarrassing? I hate it

- Something you did and you are proud of? Got into my first choice uni

- What’s your favourite cocktail? Strawberry daiquiri 

- Something you are good at? Art

- Do you like small kids? No

- How are you feeling right now? Meh

- What would you name your daughter/son? Amélie/Freddie

- What do you need to be happy? My bed and my phone and my boyfriend

- Is there some you want to punch in the face right now? Yeah

- What was the last gift you received? I don’t know

- What was the last gift you gave? A toy red panda to my boyfriend 

- What was the last concert you went to? God I can’t remember 

- Favourite place to shop at? Ann Summers

- Who inspires you? Don’t know

- How old were you when you first got drunk? Like 14

- How old were you when you first got high? Dunno

- How old were you when you first had sex? 16

- When was your first kiss? House party when I was 15

- Something you want to do until the end of this year? Keep on top of my uni work

- Is there something in the past you wish you hadn’t done? Yeah

- Post a selfie. Look through my ‘me’ tag

- Who are you most comfortable around? Sam my boyfriend

- Name one thing that terrifies you. Clowns

- What kind of books do you read? Autobiographies and stuff like that

- What would you tell your 12 year old self? Stop worrying 

- What is your favourite flower? Lilies

- Any bad habits you have? So many

- What kind of people are you attracted to? Dunno lmao

- What was the last thing you cried for? My body

- Is there something you don’t eat? Some food that truly disgust you? Spinach, mushrooms, coriander

- Are you in love? I think so yes

- Something you find romantic? Time and attention and letters

- How long was your longest relationship? Like 2ish years

- What are 3 things that irritate you about the same sex? Loudness, cattiness, dunno

- What are 3 things that irritate you about the opposite sex? Catcalling, aggressiveness, loudness

- What are you saving money for? House

- How would you describe your bad side? Horrible

- Are you actually a good person? Why? Don’t know

- What are you living for? Finishing uni and Sam

- Have you ever done anything illegal? Probably

- Do you like your body? Hate it

- Have you ever made someone feel bad about themselves intentionally? Probably

- Ever sent nudes? Yes

- Have you ever cheated on someone? No

- Favourite candy? Haribo supermix

- Is there a blog you visit every day, or almost every day? Tag it! Porn blogs lmao

- Do you play any computer games? What is your favourite game? I dabble in GTA v

- Favourite TV series? Merlin will always be my fave

- Are you religious? Does God exist? No

- What was the last book you read? Did it impress you and why? Something for uni

- What do you think about vegetarianism/veganism? Not for me

- How long have you been on Tumblr? 7 years lol

- Do you like Chinese food? Love it

- McDonalds or Subway? McDonalds

- Vodka or whiskey? Vodka

- Alcohol or drugs? Alcohol

- Ever been out of your province/state/country? Yes

- Meaning behind your blog name? mixing of pendragon and dragoon from merlin

- What are you scared of? Failure, clowns, the dark, deep water, swallowing sharp blades

- Last time you were insulted? Today

- Most traumatic experience? Almost breaking my back falling off a horse

- Perfect date idea? The zoo or a picnic or the pub or a meal out and spending time with my boyfriend

- Favourite app on your phone? Instagram

- What colour are the walls in your room? Cream

- Do you watch Youtube? Who is your favourite youtube? sunbeamsjess

- Share your favourite quote. Don’t even think I have one

- What is the meaning of life? 42

- Do you like horror movies? Fuck no

- Have you ever made your mum cry? What happened? Nope

- Do you feel lucky or special in a way? No

- Can you keep a secret? Yes

[rusty-ford]

1-100 😝😊

Is a kiss considered cheating? YeahHave you ever faked orgasm? HaaaIf you could have one superpower, what would it be? Flight Do you think you are going to be rich in 7-8-9 years? No. But hopefully happy.Tell us some funny drunk story. One time I was smashed out of my mind so a friend drove us to McD's. I was so drunk that by the time I finished my burger I had forgotten that I had ordered fries too. I was reaching into the bag for a napkin when I "discovered" the fries at the bottom. I didn't remember ordering them at all. It was the happiest surprise of my life. Why are you no longer together with your ex? Because he's a moron. Too many reasons to count. If you had to choose one way to die, what would it be? Killed instantly in a fiery crash in my pickup. Or die in my sleep. What are your current goals? Be a badass nurse. Do you like someone? I'm dating someone so yep. Who was the last person to disappoint you? Myself.Do you like your body? Not reallyCan you keep a diet? Used to be pretty obsessive about it. Not lately. If the whole world listened to you right now, what would you say? I wouldn't want a world platform. Do you work? Always. If you could choose only one food to eat to the rest of your life, what would it be? Fresh salsa. Would you get a tattoo? Probably not. Something you don’t mind spending all your money on? My truck and my horses. Can you drive? Hell yeah. When was the last time someone told you you were beautiful? Week or two?What was the last thing you cried for? Honestly can't remember. It's been a while. Probably my cousin's death.Do you keep a journal? Sporadically but not really. Is life fun? It is if you make it. Is farting in front of people irrelevant? I personally try to be more classy than that.What is your dream car? My first truck fully restored and turned into a sleeper. Are grades in school important? Yeah. Describe your crush. Tall, dark hair, killer smile, incredibly disciplined and hard working, intelligent What was the last book/movie that really impressed you? Can't think of one.What was your last lie? Probably a little white lie like saying I likes someone's cooking when I didn't. I'm not a liar. Dumbest lie you ever told? Dunno. Not one to lie. Is crying in front of people embarrassing? Incredibly so.Something you did and you are proud of? Made it this far. What’s your favourite cocktail? I haven't really had many cocktails. Something you are good at? Critical thinking and things that art related. Do you like small kids? Not really. How are you feeling right now? Tired.What would you name your daughter/son? I don't have any girls names in mind. I always liked the sound of Tanner or Travis for boys names. What do you need to be happy? Freedom. Wide open spaces. A little gas to burn. Enough money to pay the bills.Is there some you want to punch in the face right now? My and about 30 family members I've disowned. What was the last gift you received? A bottle of Jamaican hot sauce. What was the last gift you gave? Food. What was the last concert you went to? Charlie Daniels. Favourite place to shop at? Depends on what I'm shopping for. Who inspires you? Badass women. How old were you when you first got drunk? 21. How old were you when you first got high? Never have been. How old were you when you first had sex? Thats a secret. When was your first kiss? 18Something you want to do until the end of this year? Not sure. Is there something in the past you wish you hadn’t done? Lots. Post a selfie. Okay Who are you most comfortable around? Old friends. Name one thing that terrifies you. Not much anymore. When you're drug head first through most of your biggest fears and you come out on the other side alive you realize that not much scares you. I'm still not a huge fan of ticks or needlesWhat kind of books do you read? Classics mostly. What would you tell your 12 year old self? To have a bit more self confidence What is your favourite flower? IrisAny bad habits you have? Conflict avoidanceWhat kind of people are you attracted to? Genuine ones.What was the last thing you cried for? Family death. Is there something you don’t eat? Not into ChineseSome food that truly disgust you? Canned creamed corn. Are you in love? Getting there. Something you find romantic? Surprise dates/nights outHow long was your longest relationship? 3 years too long. What are 3 things that irritate you about the same sex? Pettiness, irrationality, vanityWhat are 3 things that irritate you about the opposite sex? Ego, poor judgement, common infidelityWhat are you saving money for? Newer truckHow would you describe your bad side? Rage. Out for blood and revenge. Takes a lot to get me to that point though. Are you actually a good person? I like to think so. Why? I help people when I can and I try not to put my needs above those around me. What are you living for? To see what's around the next bend. Have you ever done anything illegal? Minor things sure. Do you like your body? Not really. Have you ever made someone feel bad about themselves intentionally? Yeah. Ever sent nudes? HaaHave you ever cheated on someone? Never. Favourite candy? Anything caramel. Is there a blog you visit every day, or almost every day? Tag it! Not as active as I used to be. Do you play any computer games? No. What is your favourite game? Don't have one. Favourite TV series? The Office.Are you religious? Does God exist? Yes. Yes. What was the last book you read? Did it impress you and why? Can't recall. What do you think about vegetarianism/veganism? Not my thing but as long as you're not a jerk about it it don't care. How long have you been on Tumblr? 7 years total. Like 5 with this blog. Do you like Chineese food? NoooMcDonalds or Subway? SubwayVodka or whiskey? Whiskey Alcohol or drugs? Alcohol. Don't do drugs. Ever been out of your province/state/country? Out of state, yes. Out of country, no.Meaning behind your blog name? Named after my first truck. What are you scared of? Not much anymore. Last time you were insulted? Jokingly last night. Most traumatic experience ? Probably family drama and my first breakup. Perfect date idea? Anything involving stars. Favourite app on your phone? Instagram I guess. What colour are the walls in your room? Whitem Do you watch Youtube? Who is your favourite youtuber? NoShare your favourite quote. I couldn't pick just one. What is the meaning of life? To find all of the truth you can. Do you like horror movies? No. Have you ever made your mum cry? What happened? Many time I'm sure. Me just being inconsiderate in my younger years. Do you feel lucky or special in a way? I often feel unlucky. I was born in October 13. My birthday falls on Friday the 13th this year, so that might have something to do with it.

[badword]

do all the odds :~)

ur crazy for this shit1. Is a kiss considered cheating?uh ya i think so3. If you could have one superpower, what would it be?shapeshifting duhh5. Tell us some funny drunk story.apparently when i was drunk a few months ago i befriended a girl i had just met and forced her to promise to watch forrest gump with me and i have no recollection of this7. If you had to choose one way to die, what would it be? stabbed/murdered in general9. Do you like someone?uhh i mean kinda. i have small crushes on a few ppl rn but nothing big!11. Do you like your body?no i hate it 13. If the whole world listened to you right now, what would you say?this is such a big q, i guess id promote my art idk tht seems boring15. If you could choose only one food to eat to the rest of your life, what would it be?begetals. i love a good veggie17. Something you don’t mind spending all your money on?i only ever spend my money on my friends and food19. When was the last time someone told you you were beautiful?elizabeth said it like the other day but she says it all thw time, besides that probably never tbh21. Do you keep a journal?i make a lot of lists of things which is similar, i also keep a sketchbook but not a real journal i guess23. Is farting in front of people irrelevant?i dont understand the question and i wont respond to it25. Are grades in school important?umm artistically i wanna say no27. What was the last book/movie that really impressed you?i watched american psycho again last night and it always leaves me absolutely shaken because its an amazing movie. also when i saw 2001 a space odyssey i like couldnt even speak after it was so good!! for books: misery by stephen king29. Dumbest lie you ever told? god i dont even know i lie about dumb shit constantly but its mostly just small stuff its never rly gotten me in trouble31. Something you did and you are proud of?got a REAL job designing logos for a business :))))) im really excited33. Something you are good at?this is hard to answer honestly. im pretty good at art but not lately35. How are you feeling right now?nauseous mostly. a bit depressed37. What do you need to be happy?the thing that makes me the happiest is spending time with my friends that i love39. What was the last gift you received?someone made me a friendship bracelet41. What was the last concert you went to?saw twin peaks at taste of chicago :-) and LOVED it43. Who inspires you?my dad45. How old were you when you first got high?ripe age of 1647. When was your first kiss?the day after my 8th grade graduation49. Is there something in the past you wish you hadn’t done?i regret a pretty big chunk of stuff from my past but most recent big one is letting this horrible person fuck me over badly and KNOWINGLY51. Who are you most comfortable around?my closest friends53. What kind of books do you read?sci-fi/fantasy mostly!! but i also love a few realistic fiction books55. What is your favourite flower?poppies i think57. What kind of people are you attracted to?this q is pretty vague but nice and funny people. nice is essential59. Is there something you don’t eat? Some food that truly disgust you?i fucking hate mushrooms61. Something you find romantic?its SO easy to be romantic to me like just going out of the way to think of me is like the number one thing to make me fall instantly in love63. What are 3 things that irritate you about the same sex?i love girls theres nothing every girl does that bothers me65. What are you saving money for?moving out asap67. Are you actually a good person? Why?tough. im chaotic neutral and very much so, im rly good to people i care about but anyone who makes me upset i treat them like shit with no remorse69. Have you ever done anything illegal?i KNOW a cop is reading this. i uhhh decline 2 answerjust kiddin ive done the usual illegal stuff. drugs and alc and some small time crimes71. Have you ever made someone feel bad about themselves intentionally?ya and i havent really regretted any of the times that i have73. Have you ever cheated on someone?nope i would rather die75. Is there a blog you visit every day, or almost every day? Tag it! i go on tumble dot com once a week at most77. Favourite TV series?the office, psych, twin peaks79. What was the last book you read? Did it impress you and why?the last book i actually finished was misery by stephen king and it was VERY impressive and i would recommend it to anyone who likes horror/thrillers81. How long have you been on Tumblr?since 2012. god83. McDonalds or Subway?subway is disgusting and expensive. mcd85. Alcohol or drugs?im typically more of an alc guy87. Meaning behind your blog name?its my one personality trait and my age89. Last time you were insulted?my therapist told me my haircut was ugly today but it was indirect91. Perfect date idea?perfect date idea is someone taking me on a date. but uhh idk a picnic at night with some good music would be so ideal93. What colour are the walls in your room?yucky purple color that i hate with some painted over areas in random colors95. Share your favourite quote.quote from man stabbed: "what are you going to do, stab me?"97. Do you like horror movies?love! them! but its hard to find good ones i feel like99. Do you feel lucky or special in a way?i feel incredibly lucky that i know the most amazing people and that they are my friends

[cassandrale179]

ON BOJACK HORSEMAN (2014)

Date: May 04, 2019  “It’s not about being happy, that is the thing. I’m just trying to get through each day. I can’t keep asking myself ‘Am I happy? ‘ It just makes me more miserable. I don’t know If I believe in it, real lasting happiness, All those perky, well-adjusted people you see in movies and TV shows ? I don’t think they exist.”

So I am not one who usually watched cartoons, not to mention binging an entire season of a cartoon series, but for some funny reasons I kinda stumbled upon Bojack Horseman, and finished the entire 12 episodes in 2 days. I really had to write down all my thoughts on all these episodes before I forgot what I felt about each one. So this isn’t a really a movie reviews, just random notes on the issues I like most of the show 

I. ORIGINS 

Bojack Horseman had got to be the most depressing cartoons I’ve ever watched in my life, and I am shocked by how gritty and realistic it is as a form of social commentary on broken people who tried to chase broken dreams in a broken society. That cycle of brokenness, that moment in life, that critical window between childhood and adulthood when one realized that his idealisms of the world begun to be torn down parts by parts, are one of my favorite themes of this show. 

“You want to know about my parents? They drank a lot. My father was a failed novelist. My mother was the heiress to the Sugarcube fortune and my dad resented her for it…”

And I think by willing to explore these harsh topics, while being unforgiving to its characters (the fact that even if one was dealt with the bad cards of the Universe doesn’t permit one to be an asshole and shirk the responsibilities of doing good to other human beings), really added a nuance to the topic. Though this is often disguised in the form of Bojack’s deniability of his issues. 

“Yeah I like that. I didn’t do anything wrong because we’re just all products of our environments, bouncing around like marbles in the game of Hungry Hungry Hippo that is our random and cruel universe.

II. DISTRACTIONS

There are a lot of of other themes being explored in the show, such as sensationalism, political correctness, the dark side of Hollywood …etc, but they were quite self-explanatory, so I won’t go too much details on those. However, one of my favorite got to be the attention span possessed in today’s society. Firstly, on the decline of literary consumption: 

Pinky: When was the last time you saw a book?  Bojack: I thought I saw someone reading one in the park the other day, but it turned out it was a takeout menu.

Secondly, the fact that every time a character becoming open, vulnerable, or reveal an opinion they hold about the world, they are being interrupted by some bullshit diversions or other characters who detract the audience away from the seriousness of it all, really drived home the point that originality and insight are often being ignored by the noise of superficial entertainment media. E.g, my two favorite scenes were Diane discussing her views on feminism, before being interrupted by Bojack:

“… But I do wonder as a third wave feminist if it’s even possible for women to reclaim their sexuality in this deeply entrenched patriarchal society, or if claiming to do so was just a lie we told ourselves so we can more comfortably cater to the male gaze.”

… and when Bojack was disagreeing on automatically labelling all American soldiers as heroes, before being interrupted by Mr. Peanutbutter.

“The troops are heroes, all of them. And I don’t believe saying that cheapens the word and actually disrespects those we mean to honor by turning real people into political pawns… Furthermore, I do not find it unbelievably appropriate that this conversation is taking place on reality television, a genre which thrives on chopping the complexities of our era into easily digestible chunks of empty catchphrases.”

Again, this constant intersection between daily, mundane activities chomping down on significant events really highlights how cruel and careless the world is 

III. EXISTENTIAL NIHILISM

I actually wrote this bit before stumbling on this amazing video here which explained much better about the existential nihilism that permeates the show, sprinkled with references from Pascal, Sartre, and Camus. What is the meaning of happiness? And what does it take to get there? I think these are central theme not just in Bojack Horseman, but also an existentialist dilemma that many philosophers have asked throughout the time of history. And I think it’s great that in this 21st century, we could still recreated the importance of this question in a colorful cartoon series. For Bojack, it was to be admired by everyone, I guess because he had lack love throughout his life, and needed to constantly feed his ego and insecurity to restore the guilt of him causing pain to other people in his life. For Princess Carolyn, it was work. For Diane, it was to move to L.A and make a difference with her writing. But at the end, is that truly what they want?

Well, That’s the problem with life, right? Either you know what you want, and then you don’t get what you want. Or you get what you want, and then you don’t know what you want

Ironically, the happiest of people are the seemingly dumbest, aka Mr. Peanutbutter, who realized disparity between the need for a purpose, as well as accepting that the universe bore no purpose, permitted him to live a truly carefree life. But to idealists like Bojack and Diane, who daily questioned their reason of existence, or as the French called it in a more fancy terms, raison d’etre, they constantly sank back into a state of ennui and depression. 

Another amazing article on Medium also explained the concept of the hedonistic treadmill. This term was first coined by psychologists Brickman and Campbell, who observed that humans quickly return to a stable baseline level of happiness despite the impact from major positive or negative life events (qtd. Shatwell). They are like hamsters on a broken treadmill, running in circles to try to add meanings to life without realizing that they will soon go back into the same rut. 

This theme from the show is what I personally identified with the most, as I realize I also had once stuck in this treadmill of achievements. I was not satisfied with performing average in my class, so I strived to achieve 4.0 GPA, but then I did not feel enough, I need to get into an Ivy League. And even when I did, I started to envy other Ivy Leaguers who achieved more in life (e.g Nobel Prize winners, award-winning writers, Olympic atheletes...etc.) before I realized that I am just stuck in this loop of achievement and disappointment. This was a wake up call that made me realize how unhealthy and obsessive I had become. Luckily I had not gone on a drug bender like Bojack, but I do feel like certain points in my life started to become self-destructive mentally and I needed to take a step back to realize how my perspective had deliberately and unconsciously nit-picked people who outperformed me so that I would feel bad about myself and pushed myself to achieve a goal. It took serious self reflection to realize the toxicity of when one pursue something just to justify their reason of existence and to boost their self esteem, not because they enjoy the process of attaining achievement. 

IV. HOPE 

Though Bojack is such a bleak show, I do like how many of its various characters still struggle to survive and fight against their own demons. And though many self-loathed themselves, like Bojack, they still paused to question the possibility to be vulnerable and accept changes. My two favorite scenes: one, Diane opening up about her childhood.  

My family made my life miserable, and then they never forgave me for leaving. The truth is, I used to sit alone on the hill out by the dump and dream of waking up as Chelsea Clinton, but with my hair.

Second, that heartbreaking dream hallucination sequence while Bojack was tripping drugs: imagining what would it had been if he had removed himself from Hollywood and settled down in Maine with a wife and a child of his own; sitting at that graveyard with his name above his greatest fear (die alone, remembered by no one); begging a figurine of Diane to tell him the answer to his life’s conundrum, and she replied with a seemingly profound quote, “You can’t forced love. All you can do is be good to the people in your life, and kept your hearts open”, but then charged him $5 to remind him that’s she is merely a puppet repeating what he wanted to hear. 

I mean am I just doomed to be the person that I am? The person in that book? I mean it’s not too late for me, is it? It’s not too late? Diane, I need you to tell me it’s not too late. I need you to tell me that I’m a good person. I know that I can be selfish and narcissistic and self­ destructive, but underneath all that, deep down, I’m a good person, and I need you to tell me that I’m good. Diane? Tell me, please, Diane.

I can’t stressed how great and realistic this cartoon TV show is, so I guess I will leave this review with one of my last favorite quote:

Closure is a made up thing by Steven Spielberg to sell movie tickets. It, like true love and the Munich Olympics, doesn’t exist in the real world. The only thing to do now is just to keep living forward.