#truly obsessed with how he doesn’t give a shit that hes a grandpa

[paulic]

Paul having a smoke very recently

[theyreonlynoodlesmike]

The thing that will always bother me is that if the Lost Boys had maybe been thirty minutes longer and had included maybe just one (1) more female character, it could've been a perfect tie-in to Joel's idea about a Lost Girls movie. Aka this is how I would've written the Lost Boys and the Lost Girls.

Fucking think about it. This is the set up:

In the first movie, her reveal was a surprise just like Max's, as due to the Frogs either brushing her off and/or them counting her as safe when Max is deemed safe.

She could have a budding friendship with Sam, similar to the boys and Michael, and could've meant to act as the one that would indoctrine Sam. Because of this, they think she's being manipulated by the boys/is the next to be turned into a half. This means we also get a couple of scenes that are just her and Sam, and perhaps she shows him a hideout of her own at the other end of the cliffs.

I also think it would be really cool if they used her character like a spy, and she has a scene where she very subtly digs to see what Michael really thinks of the boys/Star and to see how much Sam and the Frogs know

She could also be used to stress how Max treats the boys like shit via Max treating her better than them but also giving an explanation as to why he may hate them (he's a traditional man and he doesn't want those boys around his daughter (this is pre-realization that Max is a dad to all of them)). Also, Max could stress how important it is for a girl to have a mother, and maybe we can get a couple of small, cute scenes between her and Lucy (and freaking pass the bechtel test)

The Frogs and Sam are so excited to tell her that she's free when she, Max, and Lucy arrive at the house. They're practically bouncing and they see that she looks absolutely horrified- but the Frogs make a comment about how perhaps such a grisly sight may be too much "for a girl" to try to explain it away.

Max comes back into the room, and before going on his "my boys misbehaved" speech he tells her to go upstairs, and to take Laddie with her- i.e. the first clue that perhaps Max wasn't what they thought

The fight goes as normal- but the endings lengthened and when Laddie says "Star!" It's replaced by an opposite reaction of Star fearfully realizing that Laddie is still upstairs- and with her.

They all run upstairs, finding her holding Laddie like a shield. She's been crying, and she still is as she tells all of them to back away- and also reveals her vampire face. We can have some tearful dialogue about how they killed her family, how she saw Dwayne's jaguar, can smell Paul all over the bathroom, etc. She tries to manipulate Sam one last time when the Frogs threaten her and it's along the lines of, "C'mon, Sam. We're friends. We were going to be family." And she bolts out the window the second Sam softens.

Sam knows where she's heading, and they find her at her spot on top of the cliffs. But when they get there she doesn't seem as willing to fight as before. This is when the Lucy scenes pay off, and Lucy insists to talk to her before they do anything "irrational". She sobs to Lucy about how they took everyone away from her, about how her biggest fear was always being alone, and how, even though she knew it was wrong, she was excited to have a mother like Lucy- and brothers like Michael and Sam. The Frogs at one point make a comment about how she'll see her entire family in hell, and instead of reacting with anger it shows her smiling at the thought. She then says that she just wants to "see her boys" and that she plans on staying at the cliffs until sunrise. While the Frogs don't buy it, Lucy insists that they leave her be. Grandpa is wary, as he's lived in Santa Carla for a long time, and the two of them share a long look. When Grandpa finally decides to back off, claiming "let's not make her change her mind", it's set that they're going to let her go out how she'd like to go out.

Grandpa still gets to say his iconic like at the end, but it's while driving the car back to the house.

It's revealed in an after-credit scene that the female vamp proceeded to wipe her eyes and shake her head the second they had driven away- revealing that everything had been an act. It ends with her lighting a cigarette and claiming that she "better find shelter" before laughing

Now, for the pay off:

The second movie takes place in a different town, a few years later. It starts with the Frogs and new face, and it shows them hunting what we can only assume to be vampires. The new face dies, and, after the vampire escapes, we see them call another familiar face- Sam Emerson. In the call, it's revealed who they've been hunting and who has been playing cat and mouse with them- the female vamp from the first movie. The Frogs practically beg Sam to come help them, as he's the only one that really knows what she's like (and who's the best with a bow). The movie truly kicks off when Sam decides to help them, and, to the Frogs surprise, brings Michael as well. But he swears that he isn't here to fight- just to make sure Sam doesn't get himself killed

The second movie shows the Awesome Monster Bashers- in their early twenties, fully human, and tighter than ever. It's revealed that the Emerson's moved away again, but that the Frogs and Sam never stopped being friends. Michael and Sam both went into hunting, and we're apprentices under their grandpa. However, both of them recently retired when Star decided she wanted to settle down, and because Lucy asked them to.

It takes place in a new seaside beach town higher up the coast, this one with an avid music scene. The Frogs fill Sam in on the female vamps course over the past couple of years, declaring that she seems to be sticking to the coast, but that it's nearly impossible to predict where she'll pop up until she's about to move again.

The Frogs also remark that no matter the opportunity, she never kills either one of them. She'll injure them or kill one of their partners, sure, but she never goes after them. And, it seems that she didn't stay by herself for long

We then meet the Lost Girls, a group of five grunge-punk rockers to fit the 90s aesthetic. With the female vamp from the first movie leading them. We see that this group of girls seem to busy themselves by terrorizing the locals and playing underground shows where they can- explaining why they seem to pop up out of nowhere. Because of this, the audience still gets some killer soundtrack bops, this time played by the vampires themselves.

We watch the girls try to bring in a new girl, and we watch a similar cycle as to what happened to Michael- instead though, the female vamp tells her upfront what they are. Only, she just thinks this is their gimmick since they're musicians and drinks from the bottle anyways.

She goes through her transformation with her own version of hazing, Michael and Sam try to help the girl, the girl tells them when their next show is- yadda yadda. The three monster bashers plus Michael show up to the show and there's a mini-battle that takes place. It's revealed that the female vamp has been waiting for Sam- and, more importantly, Michael. She explains that she couldn't have gotten Sam to come to her without the Frogs, and that she never could've gotten Michael without Sam.

Finally, for the big reveal, we go with the original ending for David who- like Joel planned- is not dead! He instead fills the role Max had in the first movie and has become the head vampire, with the female vamp now acting as the decoy head vamp that David was in the first film. Similarly to Max, David reveals that he just wanted Michael all along and also reveals that the two of them have been obsessing over either finishing what Max planned or getting revenge for the past couple of years. The female vamp/her remaining girls go after the monster bashers and the half-vamp girl while David and Michael fight yet again- this time as a retired hunter vs a vampire.

Because this is a lost boys sequel, the vampires lose. Michael stakes David, returning the half-vamp girl back to normal, and he makes a point of bringing up how he's "going to do it right this time".

Once again, when the female vamp realizes that the Frogs/Emerson's are getting the upper-hand, she attempts to flee after managing to severely injure one of the Frogs. However, we get poetic justice when she pulls back the curtains covering the windows of the venue and we see that it is day-time outside. She dies via sunlight exposure aka how she said she would die in the first movie.

The movie ends with the previous half-vamp girl asking them if they do this often. As they leave the venue, the boys give various answers which basically tally up to "oh, all the time". Sam then makes a callback to grandpa's signature line stating, "One thing I could never stand about being a hunter-" which all of the boys finish the line with "all the damn vampires." All the boys laugh and the new girl asks, "Is this an inside joke or something?" And then bam- roll credits.

[keepyourpantsongohan]

Ayesha Liveblogs Death Note

I’m watching this show specifically because of that text post that said, “Watch how quickly this one guy decides to be the worst person ever” and he has killed two people in the first ten minutes

Though 2 be fair he’s killing people to save people so it’s a trolley problem kind of thing for now

“In fact I’ve been waiting for you... Ryuk” ok weird flex Light but u do u

“You’re the first one to use to this extent in five days” WAIT DID HE MURDER ALL THOSE PEOPLE IN FIVE DAYS I THOUGHT HE WAS JUST LOOKING AT A LIST OH MY GOD??

“So there isn’t a price to using Death Note?” said Light, as if killing people is just a normal thing that we all do

Fhkjfhfkjb Ryuk really went ‘u used the book so we’re friends now’ 

I was wondering why the book was in English, and I guess that makes sense British and American imperialism really Did That

“I can write down the names of criminals, and slowly reduce the number of evil people” uhhhh doesn’t u being a Book Murderer also make you a criminal Light

“Human lives shouldn’t be taken so lightly” bah dum tss

Also I guess that revelation lasted about thirty seconds for you huh

Update from 15 seconds later: Even less than that

“I would create a world of earnest, kind humans” really because I don’t think places that allow the death penalty are generally nicer societies 

It’s interesting that they use English in the classes and the notebook but the conversation at Interpol takes place in Japanese (despite the implied internationality and Ryuk’s aforementioned claim about English being most common) 

Huh I won’t lie I do think it’s confusing that the main characters are L and Light, which also starts with L

“I am justice” I mean if anything this show just proves that no one should be allowed to use the death penalty on apprehended suspects in criminal justice cases ever 

OH SHIT PLOT TWIST HIS DAD’S A COP (IT WAS IN THE TEXT POST I THINK BUT I FORGOT)

Wow this show is full of mind games already I guess I can see why like, crime show fans would dig it

“But I’m going to say this as your roommate” OH MY GOD THEY WERE ROOMMATES KJHRGKJHKJHG

Interesting that someone is following Light specifically already

I mean not to poke too many holes in your plan Light but wouldn’t it clash with your plan to become God if you die at like 35 or smth 

“You’re already much more of a shinigami than they are” Ryuk said my friends are BORING I want to hang out with this MURDER TEEN

“I may not look it, but I’m pretty popular” Light is exactly the kind of guy who ends up in a true crime special where a bunch of people say he seemed like a nice, charismatic young man

Man this poor girl that Light brought on this date is going to be straight traumatized after this

I mean isn’t it MORE suspicious if someone dies around someone with direct ties to the police even if it’s not a heart attack

“You were indeed a brilliant FBI agent once, but now you’re my fiancée” kjhfkjhg WHAT FBI AGENTS CAN’T BE MARRIED 

“Once we have a family, you’ll be so busy that you’ll forget that you were an agent” I’m not a fan of Raye Penber 

What’s the point in killing Raye at all???? He told you he was part of a special investigation so clearly he’s not that suspicious of you

Light sure is bold to announce his Killing People Experiments in the middle of a busy sidewalk 

Incredible that consistently no one notices Light’s increasingly threatening declarations????

Fjkfkfhk these five cops finding out their Hail Mary is this strange little goblin man,,,, wow

This woman has really pushed Light to the brink just by giving a fake name, I admire her tenacity

Cops wearing fake IDs really did not age well oh boy

SERIOUSLY HOW DOES NO ONE EVER HEAR LIGHT SAYING SUSPICIOUS THINGS IN PUBLIC THOROUGHFARES HE LITERALLY JUST SAID “I AM KIRA” AS A DETECTIVE WALKED BY, WHILE HE WAS TALKING TO SOMEONE HE KILLED IMMEDIATELY AFTER

Wow it really took only eight episodes for L to track Light as close as one of two families

“You have a wife and daughter, right?” “I know!” I mean..... not 2 be that guy but... cops

 “To me, apples are like... Well, like cigarettes and liquor to humans” Vcvhcjhj every once in a while Ryuk says something that really tickles me

I know the word sociopath is kind of outdated but man does Light have actual interests outside of school or does he just do stuff to fill the void of his lack of interests (outside of murder)

JKHGKJHGKJHKJHG I cannot believe that this has turned into a fake classmate situation first of all 1) are you going to become friends and 2) How old are you Ryuzaki/L?

“Where is that rich kid from? And he’s even at the top of his class? What a jerk” honestly a mood

I DESPERATELY want Light’s mother or sister to overhear his evil cackling will someone finally eavesdrop on this god complex

“If I sit normally, my reasoning skills drop by 40%” weird flex but same 

Sidenote: I can’t believe how many episodes of this show I already have watched

Ngl I was VERY shook that Mr. Yagami had a heart attack. Also does Light care if his family lives or dies or is he kind of neutral on the subject? 

“If Kira is an ordinary person who gained this power, then he is a very unlucky person” Dad and L said ‘if u ARE Kira could you please stop murdering thank you <3′ 

Light really underestimated how much cops hate anyone who has killed a cop oops

OH SO IT’S NOT LIGHT I WAS WONDERING WHY HE HAD NOT MADE AN APPEARANCE THIS WHOLE EPISODE U MEAN THERE ARE TWO GUYS WITH THIS EXACT SAME IDEOLOGY AND PLAN? INCREDIBLE

Update from ten seconds later: Two people, I guess

Well this explains the girl in the short dress which serves as the Netflix thumbnail of this show I was wondering when she would show up 

Also she sounds like she’s very young? Clearly Shinigami don’t have a minimum age of informed consent when it comes to their Murder Eyes Contract 

Hahah I bet Light didn’t imagine that his petty and fucked up apple joke would bite him so quickly in the ass

Dhkjdhdkjhd Misa is so bold dropping her Death God deets in a video for anyone to see 

“The way to kill a Shinigami, is to make them fall in love with a human” does this mean that Ryuk is going to fall in love with Light or Misa? Both would make me uncomfortable

Oh wild guess Misa became a Death Note Wielder through the Power of Unreciprocated Voyeuristic Love

“Yeah, I have a girlfriend now,” said Light, after a girl contacted him through a series of anonymous video tapes implicitly vowing to be his disciple 

“No one could tell who he’s attached to if I’m with this many people” [20 seconds pass] “Found him!” HAHAHA the funniest part of this show is consistently watch Light going “got ‘em” before it immediately is revealed that he doesn’t got ‘em 

Why is Light so incredibly searchable??? I think the only way people people could find my height online is if I happened to answer it for one of those Facebook note memes in 2007 lmaoooo

“There are many places that will go and sell your personal records” ah, data breaches; a problem that has not gotten any better in the last 15 years since this anime came out

HKJHFHKJFHF Light immediately jumping into fake-dating his weird disciple in front of his mom... what is this show

“Please make me your girlfriend” OH MY GOOOOOD

This is one of the weirdest romantic dynamics I’ve seen in recent memory but you know what? Whatever, at least it’s not Anxiety and Murder

“Does that mean I’ll have to deal with her until she dies?” Light is truly exuding some Ladybird Book of Dating Energy rn: 

The fact that to kill L all Light had to do was get an obsessive girlfriend... astounding

Beautiful that it took Misa less than a week of knowing Light to ruin his whole 15 episode game plan and also life

“I think I may be Kira” Well this show keeps taking one escalation after another this is exhausting why can’t Light just be a normal person who found it, tried it out of interest in the occult, discovered he’d committed a horrible atrocity and then went to therapy for the rest of his life only to confess to Magical Murder on his deathbed while his family goes, ‘Wow, Grandpa’s crazy’

Does L not think that keeping three different people imprisoned for days on end will lead to some psychological repercussions for him

FOR WEEKS ON END????? OH MY GOD???? The fuck L, I know two of these people are murderers but there are some minimum conditions of correctional facilities and this seems a little Stanford PE

THE DRAMA OF THIS EPISODE I KNEW IT WAS GONNA BE A BLANK BUT HOW FUCKED UP TO PUT EVERYONE THROUGH THIS L I THINK YOU NEED THERAPY!!!!!!! I MEAN LIGHT AND MISA ARE MURDERERS BUT FORCING A MAN TO HOLD HIS SON AT GUNPOINT AFTER IMPRISONING THEM FOR OVER A MONTH IS REALLY A REFLECTION OF A COMPLETE LACK OF EMPATHY (especially when you think that this version of Misa and Light don’t know anything!!! Oh my god!! The fuck)

“I will make arrangements so you and I are together 24 hours a day” call me crazy but I would not want to spend 24/7 with the man who imprisoned me for over a month while playing cruel psychological games all the while

“I’m one of those people who’ll accept Kira, I’d think of ways I could help him” Misa said Bimbo Rights

“I could never toy with a woman’s emotions like that” Light’s dating life and personality has gotten a LOT funnier since he forgot he was a murderer I kind of wish THIS could be the whole show 

Also: Nice to know Light USED to have standards of how to treat women

Honestly fair play to both L and Light they both deserved to be punched and it’s funny to see eighteen episodes of mind games culminate in punching and kicking each other in the face

“Matsuda’s being an idiot again” “Well, Matsuda is a natural at that” wghkjhgkj what has Matsuda done to any of you

"He’s punishing criminals as a front, and killing people for the benefit of this company” is Light unknowingly going to solve the murder chain he himself started... inspiring

“I was testing you” this is why Light is your only friend, L, Aizawa has kids and it’s a dick move to ask him to put his convictions before them

Poor Matsuda realizing he’s got the least to offer to their team... me in high school science labs 

I understand Aizawa’s moral crisis but why do NONE of these cops care about their wives or daughters they’re just kind of like, ‘I will provide for you but I have no interest in or fulfillment from being part of your life’ (ACAB)

Matsuda is truly about to die for being dumb and eager to help 😔 Rest in Pieces

“We must not allow Yotsuba to figure out that we are investigating them,” said L, just after it cut from Matsuda being obvious about investigating them. Oh Matsuda 😔 you’re so bad at your job 😔

MATSUDAAAAAAAA oh thank goodness; Bimbo Rights save the day

“I can’t go along with your idea, it’s wrong!” said Light, despite the fact it took him 15 seconds to get over murder the first couple of times he did it 

Staaaaaaaaay Good Light, I don’t want ur Deathnotesona I want this young man with moral convictions!!

The level of hubris it takes to answer a phone call during your secret Murder Meeting while people continue to talk about their Murder Plans is just out of this world

“If I die, you could probably become the successor to the ‘L‘ name,” said L, to the person he has been trying to catch for twenty episodes 

“I won’t say anything under any kind of torture” “Yes that’s true” Which he knows because he tortured her for six weeks!! You see that that’s fucked up, L, right? RIGHT??? RIIIIIIIIGHT? (LIIIIIIIGHT???)

Seriously not to beat a dead Shinigami but Light is so much better like this. He doesn’t want to throw people’s lives away for the investigation! He wants to protect Misa! He thinks Kira is wrong! Why does he have to be a murderer!!! Why can’t this show be about a nice young man!!!!

“Hey Ryuzaki, that’s messed up!” THANK YOU LIGHT AGAIN I KNOW YOU BOTH HAVE KILLED PEOPLE BUT YOU DON’T KNOW THAT RIGHT NOW SO FOR ALL MISA KNOWS HE’S JUST A GUY WHO TORTURES HER AND TELLS HER CRUSH WILL DIE IF SHE DOESN’T HELP

Wow Rem is so ride or die for Misa protecting Misa from creepy Higuchi, giving her info and telling her to trust Light, that’s love bitch

Props to Misa for getting a confession out of Higuchi after one (1) car ride 

Why do I feel like L is going to be responsible for reawakening Bad Light is it because he psychologically tortured him for six weeks? Had his dad hold him at gunpoint? Forced Misa to investigate on his behalf? Constantly and unerringly presses him on what Kira would be thinking as he’s handcuffed to him 24 hours a day? Maybe!! This is like Build-a-Bear but he’s customizing his Teen Murder Friend 

“Only Mr. Matsuda can do [the mission to lure out Higuchi!Kira]” Death Note really said the Himbos, Herbos and Thembos shall inherit the Earth 

They keep saying they don’t know how he kills but it seems pretty obvious that he writes down their names to kill, they literally saw him do it

I really don’t want any of the investigation team to die but things are not looking hot :(

“Ryuzaki, I never knew you could fly a helicopter” “It’s just intuition” what does that MEAN

“Those aren’t allowed in Japan,” said Light, about a gun, as if he had not killed probably thousands of people without one 

In spite of this fact I really do want Good Light to stay 😔 Why! Can’t! This! Show! Be! About! A! Nice! Young! Man!

Also they really are playing into this father-and-son duo I will be very sad when the dad inevitably dies as I’m sure he will 

Family side note: I’ve been wondering this since the prison ep but where do Light’s mom and sister think he IS now that he’s dropped out of first year uni to be a teen criminal investigator handcuffed to a maladjusted homebody private eye

AIZAWAAA and also the other two guys I guess there was a plot relevant reason for him to rejoin the police huh

Well what a clean ending to this Kira arc. No one died and the killer was caught! Yikes that the next ep is called ‘Revival’ tho 😔 Rest in pieces Good Light

Also a new and very threatening intro???? What happened to the Twilight Apple Hands 

BOOOO I knew Light would get his memory back but I was hoping it would at least fuck him up for a while he sorted out his two personas but I guess all roads eventually lead to Bad Light 

Full disclosure I stopped watching for a few days just after Light got his memory back and let me tell u coming back later hasn’t made it any more tolerable I am truly not built for this EUGH

“Do you really want to halve your life a second time” “Well, that can’t be helped” REALLY???? CAN’T IT BE HELPED MISA??? WHY ARE YOU AND LIGHT SO CRAZY

Oh I guess we’re back to Light saying incredibly suspicious things right near the investigators lmao what if those cameras secretly had audio or you know, L simply knew how to read lips 

“Misa, let’s make a new world together” Remember a bunch of episodes ago when Good Light was all ‘I could never toy with a woman’s emotions’?? What was the reason!!!

“Have you ever told the truth at any point in your entire life” L cutting straight to the core lmao (also the answer is obviously ‘no’)

This show has taken a jarring tonal shift why are they having a post-rain-confrontation massage and towelling each other off this is a level of intimacy I was not prepared for I NEED PEOPLE TOOK LOOK AT THIS:

OKAY OKAY OKAY I KNOW THAT IT WAS PROBABLY NOT THEIR INTENTION BUT THE ONLY WAY I CAN READ THIS SCENE IS AS “Don’t kill me Light~ 🥰 I’ll fuck you~ 🥰” 

I guess L knew he was forcing Rem’s hand to kill him if he disproved the rules written in the book?? But to what end omg how does this help anyone 

“In April 2012, Light Yagami, age 23, joins the National Police Agency” should’ve known we’d land here eventually (ACAB)

Ah, I see another person who doesn’t know how to sit, clearly they will inherit the L title next lmao

Update from the first few mins of the next ep: “Near should succeed L” told you

“There’s no way I’m letting Sayu marry a detective” ahjfkhkjf he’s a little old for her I think but it wouldn’t be the worst thing this show has done romantically lmao; maybe Sayu would get to investigate her brother

“I might’ve considered going out with you, if you were a little younger” HA GOOD FOR HER

“[...] the Japanese police are unreliable. In order to solve this case, we want you to hand over the notebook to our country.” Of all the Japanese-speaking Americans in this show, this is the most accurate jkhfkhf the US government really is Like That 

Ah, so that’s where Mello’s gone, oh how the turn tables 

Also way to sell your subordinates out immediately, NPA Director, will you give them the Kira task force’s home addresses too

The real question is if Light actually cares about his sister enough to prioritize her over the notebook

“Call me... N” Oh my good L... M(ello)... N(ear)... Oooooooooooooooo

It’s my saving grace that I only need to get through 9 more eps but as always I must wonder where this is going will Light just die and end up in Shinigami purgatory while the people who knew him after the fact go, ‘hey, that guy was fucked up’

“If things get bad, I’ll have to kill Sayu” well I guess that answers that question, my expectations of Light are so low and yet he continues to find new ways to be awful

Good for Mr. Yagami and Sayu for getting out of that alive I guess but hoo boy I think this is going to have some psychological repercussions for both of them 

Uh oh this episode is called ‘Father’ I’ve been dreading this one bc I think that means Mr. Yagami is about to die 😭😭😭

“It was an institution for brilliant children, to raise them to become L‘s successor” okay calm down Professor Xatari that’s not what children are for lmao 

Well I guess it’s a lot easier to track down info about these two guys than it was to figure out L lmao

HAHAHA Sidoh haunting Ryuk to ask for his stuff is a fun addition to this madness  

“He’s scary for a human” jkhhfjh how unhinged does Mello have to be to threaten a literal Shinigami 

I truly don’t understand the logistics of how they revealed Ryuk to the police force isn’t the second Kira notebook supposed to belong to Actual Kira, in the police force’s eyes????? I do not understand how Light can just turn up with another notebook and everyone’s like ‘sure cool’ did I miss something 

Mr. Yagami killed for being unable to take human life ugh this is the worst 

“You’re not Kira. I’m really glad.” WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH THIS IS SO SAD MR. YAGAMI NOOOOOOOOOO THAT’S WHY HE RENOUNCED OWNERSHIP OF THE NOTEBOOK 

Neither Mello nor Near seem overly concerned with the lives of people around them does being a Super Genius Investigator also mean you have to be a dick (is this Benadryl Coddleswab Sherlock syndrome)

Lmaooo genuinely love how it’s constantly apparent that Light is the least smart of all of the smart people Light spent five years working on his reputation and it took Near one (1) phone call to destroy it 

Ghjkhgkhgkgjh Light outsmarted by Near yet again never think people will prioritize principles over money

Lol yeah Aizawa needn’t have given a name after he said the “Deputy Director Yagami would kill Kira and then himself” thing, you don’t do that just for anyone who was he fooling 

How does Light keep track of all the renunciations and notebooks bc I certainly can’t 

Ffhkfjhfj Mikami truly looks like the son of L and Light it’s like Light missed him and was like, “Miss u boo :( (even tho I kinda killed u) I’ll adopt An Evil 27-year-old in ur honour :)”

Is Mikami’s story really, ‘I got bullied in high school and have mommy issues so now I think people I don’t like should die’ ok Shonen Snape 

“I just want you to meet with me and hear me out” Light really proving to Aizawa that he can lie AND manipulate people’s feelings 

“The truth is, she’s not smart enough to be my partner” first of all Light I think this show has proven you’re not that smart, and Misa’s Herbo Energy is effervescent and will outlast you, and third of all go to jail

“He’ll look suspicious if he doesn’t say something soon” “Ide, have you ever been in love” Matsuda continues to be the only good part of this show

“You’re the only man I’ve ever respected and admired in my life” GET SOME THERAPY KIYOMI

“You’re going to be the goddess of the new world” so it’s not enough for Light to be a murderer he must also be a cheater

Lmao Near’s powers of perception do seem a little B/BC S/herlock because L tried for literally months to work out the possibilities and Near is just like ‘I KNOW IT NOW’

“The only thing I can deduce from this is that Light Yagami is popular with the ladies” HEAVEN KNOWS WHY (PUN NOT INTENDED)

Every moment Aizawa gets closer to proving Light is Kira is another step closer to death 😔

“This is definitely Mikami’s handwriting” Not to be a know-it-all, Near, but handwriting analysis has been proven faulty many times in multiple courts of law

This truly is a game of Cat and Cat. All these hidden plans give me a headache fkjhkfjh call me Misa-Misa and spin me sideways I don’t have the braincells to spare

Well this is definitely some kind of s*xual assault absolutely fucking hate it wow this show truly just drains the life out of you 

“Matt, I never thought you would be killed” why wouldn’t you think that at this point anyone who comes close to this investigation eventually dies (also wjkhkjhgk why is Matt special didn’t you kill all those thugs you had before -- Mello said ‘the lives of my allies are only important if they are drawn in handsome protag style’) 

As of yet I haven’t really talked about Near’s wild toymaking but hoo boy is that L finger puppet something to observe

“Everyone who knows about the existence of the notebook will die” I’m still pulling for their survival, particularly Matsuda (himbo rights!!!)

Imagine if they just shot Light Yagami on sight how ironic would that conclusion to all these mind games be 

“I’m waiting, for the one who will solve everything, to arrive” Lmao if it turns out L is alive I’ll pee laughing this show is so fucking stupid 

Take a shot every time there is a Humpty-Dumpty-in-Puss-in-Boots style explanation about how everything actually happened

“I’ve won, Near” I bet/hope what gets Light caught is his inability to hold in his hubris for one (1) minute

Although the last episode is called New World, in which case maybe he wins in a very weird ending to a very weird show

Sjkfhkjhfkhfkjhf well I guess what gets Light caught is that the person he invited to be his murderous disciple keeps calling him God

“A second ago, you said ‘I win.’ That’s as good a confession as any” HA hubris strikes again also bold of Aizawa to clap Light on the shoulder knowing he is a mass murderer

Ohhh Matsuda he’s so nice and believed the best of Light :((((((((((((

Watching Light become increasingly desperate and crazed is very uncomfortable give it up dude u’ve been beat (though I suppose there is time for everyone here to be murdered still lmao)

LMAO LIGHT SAID “IF YOU CAN’T BEAT ‘EM, CONVERT ‘EM”

Yeah I figured if one of them was gonna shoot it would be Matsuda :( :( Good for him for not killing Light tho!!

Huh I guess that’s the end of the show I thought Light would die but I did think we’d at least get to see him in Shinigami Purgatory or smth... what a wild ride. This certainly was a show.

[watchyourbluesturngolden]

my annotations for chappy 11 of ysijwa

this is just for drea and leyla to read so if you're not drea or leyla pls keep scrolling :)

ok this is pretty chaotic and like i said earlier i treated this ike a wattpad comment section so... have fun ig :)

SHERLOCK AND WATSON CINEMATIC UNIVERSE SHUT UPPPPP I LOVE YOU SM DREA

NOT MISS SNAP CRACKLE POP

jealous y/n you say???

now i know why you ignored all my tiktok asks lmao

HELPLESS OH MY GOD

truly madly deeply intended :)

damn he's kind of a narcissist yk? like "I have to be serious my entire family depends on it" shut up mr darcy you're not special

devout in his religion hmmmmmm hopefully we see some more religious trauma content bc me too vampy

awww he wants kids but now he cant have them bc hes... dead :(

AWWW his sister taught him to knit :( if he doesn't knit bloodbag a sweater i swear to god

stuffy moron is correct

"IT'S A FUCKING WONDER HE EVER GOT LAID" OIJRIOJWEIOJIEWOJFIOEJOF

"THE ATROCITY THAT IS BEING ACQUAINTED WITH NIALL AND HIS HORRIBLE AFFINITY FOR CHEAP FLANEL" ORJFOIJFEIOWJ YOURE SUCH A POET

he's so dumb she was with him bc he's hot that much should be obvious to him🙄

FOOLISHLY HOPELESSLY UNMEASURABLY IN LOVE HWAT THE FUCK DREA IM SAD

i love that he remembers the spinal cord dislocation and the dead leaves . like yea im dead rn but the leaves in my hair are really what's bothering me the most

what the fuck is a maw

ok i looked it up i get it now

"attachment is for gullible idiots" yup and youre one of them vampy 😌

"the warmest skin his icy fingers had ever had the good fortune to touch" im so soft rn

oh so now she has "a wholesome beauty about her nature" ? i thought she was just cute enough 🤨

HE THINKS HER SMILE COULD RESTART HIS HEART THATS SO CUTE IM OUHOIJFOEWIJFIOEWJ

"the responsibility of keeping her safe, satisfied, and happy" how 🥺 🥺🥺

"as long as he breathes" i thought he didn't breathe lmao BUT I GET THE SENTIMENT

"always when it comes to her" IM SCREAMING RN THIS IS SO SOFT I CANT

ill never forgive him for being so dense either his brain is basically a rock

HE WANTED TO COMMUNICATE THAT HE BELONGED TO HER IM GONNA HAVE A STROKE

couldnt be me i dont want to be percieved

HE ADDED A FUCKING BUTTERFLY AFTER THE DISCO BALLS IM OIWFJIOEWJFIOEJIOEWNOJIWJ(*H(WUIOFJIOEWJFIOWHVIFUEH)U)($UT

HEY a hamilton obsession is not childish😤

'the only person who was allowed to touch him there was y/n' he's like a little kid who's possessive omggggggg

oh this reminds me i rlly hope everything in that chest was new and had never been used on anyone else owijfowiejfioewj

oh please my irish king can control himself let y/n meet the other vamps🙄

"if they knew all along why did it take so long" yk im wondering the same thing dummy

"every day was a battle to earn her love and affection" wtffff how could she hurt him like that he is just a baby

i think he needs therapy tbh

yes he does deserve to be treated with respect and dignity😤

"supporting and tolerating them despite your differences" exactly unless they're a republican

IM SORRY THAT WAS MEAN OIWFJOIWJFEIOw i said what i said tho

they did everything backwards but it's what baby needed🥺

im literally gonna 🔪 bradley how dare he hurt my favorite ribeye like that

PROPER BOYFRIEND-GIRLFRIEND BONDING PLSSSSS im sure he makes sure to say stuff like "as your boyfriend' or 'since youre my girlfriend' all the time now

"everything that has to do with harry has always and will always make her feel safe and secure" ...who's gonna tell her👀

HE BECOMES CLINGY IVE BEEN WAITIN FOR THIS ONE TURN IT UP

awwww my love language is also quality times bestiesssssss

(this is more serious you might want to change the words to nose kisses or something because esk*mo is a slur)

HE wants to be wrapped in HER arms and get forehead kissies like a little baby🥺🥺

i can tell you wrote this chappy bc leyla would never write about ice cream

IF CHRIST CAN GET A DATE MARKER SO CAN HARRY OIFJOEIWJFIOEWJFWI PLSSSSSSSSSS I LOVE HIM

ALWAYS FOR HER WEJFIOJWEIOFJEWIOFJOIEWJFOIEWJF HES SO IN LOOOOOVE

HE DID IT AND IM SO PROUD OF HIM🥺

omg i have a thot imagine if she got a heart murmur or something and obvi he knows bc he can hear it so now he has to find a way to make her get it checked out out without being suspicious 😭

HE ROCKS HER TO CALM HER DOWN WHEN SHES HAVING NIGHTMARES IJFEOWIJFOIWEFJ

“nearly blinds himself for eternity” what a drama queen i love him

maybe learn how to turn your brightness down grandpa

“can women sense emotional distress” why is this so funny oiewfjwieojfioewj

DEHUMANIZING OWEIJOIAJAKLFSDJLKSDJFKLD

not a psychotic episode 😭😭

crippling mommy issues woejfkljdklsjsdf me too king

awwwww he made her a full buffet i would cry

matchy socks im gonna sob

king is a chef 😌

y/n’s head @ harry’s clavicle rn: 💥

“his plush chest” drea its ok you can say titties

“absolutely flawless”? are you sure shes not just cute enough 🤨

he got her oat milk 🥺the sign of true love

hes such a shithead i love him

SPELLING HIS NAM E ON HER TUMMY IM HAVING ANOTHER STROKE

“I DIDNT WANT TO LEAVE YOU ALL ALONE” HES SO WOIFJSJFSDKJKLSDJF

HE DIDNT HAVE TO DO NIALL LIKE THAT 😭😭

RAPUNZEL HAIR OSIDJSKJKLSJF

she traces a tiny heart on him wtfffffffffff im sad

this… is hot

“theres no room on the counter” owifjlksjfslkfjklsj

HE WOULD WALK THROUGH FIRE FOR HER maybe then he’d be a little less cold

im sorry that was wrong of me lisjfskldjfwoiejewiojrei

OH MY GOD OWEIJFKLJSKLFJL SHES SO BOLD “can’t i?” OSIJFKSLJLKJF

oh boy hes gonna kill her

I WONDERED WHEN THE YOURE HOT WHEN YOURE MEAN THING WAS GOING TO COME UP

literally shut the fuck up mr english major

do it bestie kick him in the balls

SPARE BOOBIES MAAM I CNAT BELIEVE YOU aCTUALLY WROTE THAT OWIFEJWIJEKLJFOIEWHOEWIFEHFLKEWJFKLEWJKLJFL

IM WHITE IM ALLERGIC TO SPICE WEJFLKJFKLEJFLKJSKLJKFSJD

“character development at its finest” what a self aware king

y/n stop being mean to him baby just wants to feel close ☹️

“I’m anemic” ok king whatever u say

“ME AND MY CHRONIC ILLNESS IM SENSITIVE” IJFKLSDJFKLJSDKLJ

ahhhhhhh it’s yoga time

“just ask your cervix” jlksdjflksdjflkdsjflk

“if only you knew” ☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️

yeah y/n isnt like those other girls 🤪 shes different 🤪

yes bestie objectify him

THERE IT IS MY FAVORITE LINE IN THIS ENTRIE BOOK

PERHAPS MY FAVORITE LINE IN ANY BOOK EVER

“He hasn't been this stiff since rigor mortis”

i think about this on a daily basis i truly do

grey shorts? what a slut

“call the lapd im pressing charges” me after walking up the stairs

OH SO THIS IS WHERE THE GREYS ANATOMY CHARACTERS FROM THE SPOILERS WITHOUT CONTEXT COME IN

him using his shirt as a towel im BARKING

“I wasnt jealous” yea ok 😃

AGAIN HIM DRAWING HIS INITIALS ON HER SKIN THATS SO WOIJFSKLDJFLSJ

yeah harold she just wanted a little kiss 😤

yeah 😃 its bc he ran track 😃

no bc thats so fucking cute that she pretended she had never seen the show before bc he was excited to introduce her to it 🥺

I would do the same tbh i feel like it would be fun to wash dishes with harry idk why

“that skank” oisjksldfjklsjfklsdjflkd

YOUR THICK SKULL COULD DAMAGE THE MARBLE LSKFJKLDSJKFLSDJFKLSJFKLSJKLSJLDKFJLSKDJF I WOULD CRY

he gets her a cup of water 🥺

ok but like wouldn't she want to wash her hair after it got all sweaty at yoga

awwwww she got his toothbrush ready for him why am i so soft rn

memory foam mattresses sound nice but actually they kind of suck bc you sink down and feel trapped in them 😃

HE WATCHED THE TIKTOK SHE SENT HIM IM HAVING A THIRD STROKE

niall is probably on the dumbest side of tiktok idek what side but it’s probably annoying and he thinks it’s hilarious

noooo baby youre not a monster🥺 someone give him a hug rn

well actually you are kind of a monster but its ok we still love u bestie

I too run on caffeine and pizza pockets 😌

TONSIL HOCKEY WHAT THE FUCK OIEJFLSDKJFKLSDJFLSJLKFJSDKLFJ

chatsnap hes such an old man 😭

true lmao if you dont have social media i immediately dont trust you

not the i just washed my hands tiktok 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

HE FEELS STRANGELY PERCIEVED RN KJFLSJFLKSDJ IDK WHY THIS IS SO FUNNY TO ME BUT IM LIKE LEGIT LAUGHING

DO IT BESTIE BITE HIM CHOMP CHOMP

“my eyes are stinging” hes such a baby 😭

“MY SIGH”TS ALL FUZZY” SJFKDSLJFLKDSJFLKDSJFLK

“are you all right” “I dont know :(’ i cant handle this my face hurts from smiling lksjflkjafklj

he has a kitchenaid stand mixer omg thats so sexy

ok but has anyone ever gotten salmonella from raw cookie dough bc i think thats just a myth

fuck u for that one vampy

wow he could never deal with my chronically ill ass

WAIT IS IT WAP

NOPE ITS BETTER LSDFJSDKLFJDS

I agree body is absolutely an instrumental masterpiece

I KNEW HE KNOWS SOME TIKTOK DANCES I KNEW IT

“I know youre kinda into that (getting smacked in the face)” SHUT UPPPPPPP SKJFSKDLJFDS

NOT HIM TWERKING SLKFJSDKLFJDSKLFJDSKL

YES YN GET THAT VIDEO AND BLACKMAIL HIM

“I think i popped something” ok old man 😭

why is the word wench so funny lkfjslkfjdslkfjsdlkfj

dont hand it over i want to see him snap

OH SHIT HE JUST JUMPED THE TABLE LSDFJSDKLFJLKDNMNXCMNJKHOIUIOEUR

oooooooooooo

OH MY GOD AGAIN SHE REALLY IS BOLD SLKDFJDSKLFJLSKDJFLKJFS

not guerrilla warfare 😭😭😭😭

do it bestie give him a concussion he deserves it

“no piece of art could ever compare to her” 🥺🥺

“remember that time you told me making out was childish” “no” i hate him 😭

THERE IT IS AGAIN “sex isnt the only way he can feel close to someone anymore” SHUT THE FUCK UP IM SOBBING

this reminds me of the dehydrated intercourse with demonrry

“don’t care, relationships are about sharing’ hes so sdjfksldjfklsjf

DO IT BESTIE KICK HIS KNEECAPS IN

suing disney for false advertisement 😭

THIS SCENE IS KILLING ME LKJFKLSJFLDSJ “just pucker your lips over it” “You have actual brain damage, dont you?” DREA I LOVE YOU KSDJFLDSKJFLKSDJ

how do those bubbles taste babe

ok drea wtf i was so happy and now this??????

“everything’s wrong” NO SHUT UP SHUT UP ITS HAPPY HOURS

not the boob privileges 😭

WAIT THIS IS FROM THE BSE MV ISNT IT “dance is just so hot rn” “depressing shades are just so hot rn”

NOT HIM GETTING ALL STUTTERY WHEN HE ASKS HER IF SHE WANTS A DRAWER 🥺

NO ONE HAS EVER BEEN THIS GENTLE WITH HIM BEFORE WTFFFFFFFF IM CRYING

“youre so fucking cute, my baby” me when i see literally any picture of him

JELLO HAS a STRONGER BACKBONE THAN THIS KSFJSDKLFJDSKLFJ

“betrayed. objectified. taken advantage of. used. “ i hate him sm 😭😭

OH MY GOD IS SHE GONNA SHAVE HIS FACE THATS SO CUTE IM

SHE ISsSSSSS IM SQUEALING

stop him worrying she’ll think it's weird and wont want to do it 🥺

“bold of you to assume id ever be convicted” PLS DREA LAKFJDKSLFJ

“the more you talk, the more appealing manslaughter sounds” I CHOKED DLSKFJDSKLFJDKSJFDSKLJ

HIM WHISTLING TO GET HER ATTENTION WHY IS THAT SO CUTE

Im sorry but its really funny to me how you wrote the sentence “wrong metal, he thinks ironically” … get it ? like IRONically lkfjdslkfj im sorry i’ll show myself out

“this boy?” what a fucking cutie i want to kick him

I forgot what a bop helpless is thanks for reminding me im gonna go listen to the entire soundtrack again-

theyre so fucking cute i hate them

so yea bascally this is the best thing ive ever read and i love you so much and my face hurts from smiling :)))

[zalrb]

Could you give your opinion on LOTR characters? Not all of them because I know there are too many lol, but maybe the most prominent like the ones that were part of the fellowship or Gollum/Smeagol, Bilbo, Saruman, Eowyn etc... If I'm not bothering of course, thanks. 😊

I was thinking about this because I don’t really know how to give my opinion on LOTR characters and it’s maybe because the epic journey and the world and the characters all have equal parts where it’s kind of hard for me to single out the characters particularly but I’ll give it a try, and I’ll stick to the movies, the only time I’ll mention the books is in relation to Boromir so I guess I’ll start with Boromir.

Boromir

I understand why Boromir was portrayed the way he was in the movies, I just thought that they reduced his character and didn’t really show that he was meant to be a man of valor and that the ring appealed to him as much as it did because he truly wanted to save Gondor and that his people were being killed off considering Gondor’s close proximity to Mordor, he kind of just comes across as a villain and unless you read the books and understand exactly what the ring does then I feel like his story in FOTR is just he was tempted by the ring and then he realized he was wrong and it’s more complicated than that

and to be fair, in the Director’s Cut, they show more of this side of Boromir.

Aragorn,

It’s funny because I remember being a pre-teen when LOTR first came out and I was all about Legolas and then I got older and I was like OK but Aragorn though, he’s got the angst/dark past and the undying love for his woman and he’s got the honour and he’s slugging it in the mud with the soldiers

I was all about that Aragorn life. Now that I’m older still, he’s a character that definitely still appeals to me even though I think his angst over Isildur is a bit much, like come on dude, but also, he absolutely led Eowyn on, LOOK AT THAT EYE SEX

then he has the nerve to be like, oh no that’s all you when Elrond shows up basically as a reminder that he loves Arwen. Mmhmm OK.

Eowyn

I don’t really have much to say about Eowyn, I know people go crazy for “I am no man” which is fine but I just never really cared for her but I never really care for characters who fit the Eowyn-esque mold.

Arwen

I think my affection for Arwen is really more about her style, LOL, my obsession with bell/angel sleeves started with her in LOTR and I really liked her love story with Aragorn (in the books and in the movies) and I liked her etheral-esque presence but next to being there for Aragorn and saving Frodo that one time she doesn’t do much and I always wanted her to have a more integral role

Sam

Sam is literally the best friend you could ever hope for.

He deserves SO MUCH credit. Frodo would absolutely not have succeeded if it weren’t for him, he’s the freaking best.

Legolas

You’re in love with Aragorn, deal with it.

Pippin

His little bitch ass needed to STAY. HOME. Oh my GOD. EVERY TIME I watch LOTR (and it’s often) I’m like REMEMBER WHEN YOU GOT GANDALF KILLED? Telling people in pubs who Frodo is and shit. Uh uh. The minute, the MINUTE he said “Where are we going?” I’d be like, no.

Gimli

I do like Gimli. I remember I had to have a discussion with my TA in tutorial once about the portrayal of Gimli in the movies, which was odd because he was my TA for a Caribbean Studies course and I don’t remember why we were speaking about it, but my TA was saying that Gimli was used for comic relief and he had a Scottish accent while the orcs were evil and they had Cockney accents and he was essentially saying it was rooted in stereotypes so that’s kind of at the back of my mind whenever I watch it but anyway, Gimli has some of my favourite lines.

Elrond

My man said get the fuck out of here with that shit and I respected it.

Gandalf

I like Gandalf. I don’t think I have any strong opinions on him, I just like him, like a stoner grandpa or uncle or something.

Frodo

I fucking love in the first movie when Gandalf is like, so this is a ring that can destroy the world and Frodo is like great, let’s just hide it in my drawer. Bro, what?

Gollum

I don’t think I ever thought of Gollum as tragic on a personal level although I objectively appreciated that the ring destroyed his life and that his motivations are tragic because of that. He was also savage.

[k-writesthings]

What about a little something for Eren and Armin? Doesn’t have to be romantic, but I like to think their friendship is just a bit under rated

This was honestly a joy to write! Thank you for being my very first request! @cagedpandababe

Platonic! Eren x Armin

Warnings: Mild drinking (By horse face🐴)

!!No Manga Spoilers!!

   

It was official. This was the first-ever successful trip outside the walls. They had made it; the seven surviving members of the 104th Cadet Corps and the last two veteran Survey Corps soldiers… 

   They made it to the ocean. 

   The vast blue abyss that stretched out beyond the horizon. Which held so many secrets. And even further stood Marley. A civilization, much like the one within the Walls, but with two major differences. They had knowledge, and the citizens of the Walls had man-eating Titans. Marley wanted to wipe out the people within the walls as some sort of mass racial cleansing. They were a threat. A massive, powerful threat. And the only information they had on this threat came from one long-dead man.

   Yet, as grim as their current situation sounded, Armin couldn’t be bothered with it for the moment. He was at the sea. The sea! The place he had longed to find from the moment he set eyes on the book in his grandpa’s attic. From the moment he flipped to that page and drank in the words describing the body of water. The words fell short, however (as words often do), to describe what he saw in the first moment he laid eyes on it. Because as he stood, staring across the expanse of blue, Armin knew he could have never been prepared for the beauty before him.

  So he stood, ankle deep in water he had only touched in his dreams, watching the most beautiful sunset he had ever seen.   

   A sudden splash and a feminine screech reminded Armin that he was the only one still taking the scene in. Sasha had tired of the beautiful horizon about a few hours ago, so she roped Mikasa into a game that consisted of jumping over the rolling waves as they approached the sandy beach. (And while Armin knew that she was just playing along, she kept it up because of how happy it made Sasha.) Jean had been rifling through various saddle bags to wash the taste of sea water out of his mouth. He found some mysterious liquor about an hour before the sun had set, so he was completely shit-faced by the time the light began to fade. Hange and Levi had gone off down the beach, claiming to be looking for test samples (Armin only half believed that). And Connie, on the other hand, had tired himself out and laid down in the warm afternoon sun to rest. Needless to say, he was asleep. 

  So that left Eren. Humanity’s most unlikely savior. The boy who got eaten by a Titan, only to become a Titan. 

  Eren had sat himself against the base of the cliff that overlooked the beach when the sunset began. He briefly said something to Armin about feeling cold and went to sit alone. But, Armin knew what he was thinking about. Marley. Their next big enemy. Ever since that day in the basement, the day their world grew monumentally, Eren was always thinking about Marley. Armin had caught him making attack plans and strategies, even before there was any word on a journey to the ocean. He was obsessed, even the freedom of finally leaving the walls wasn’t enough to quench his thirst for long. He had to defeat Marley.

   Armin understood Eren’s wishes for complete and utter freedom from all things that threatened their way of life, but he also couldn’t help but feel a little sad. Eren had been called to Wall Maria in the weeks leading up to this expedition to try and scout out a safe way to the ocean. He had been staying in a temporary military encampment near Wall Maria for those weeks, so Armin hadn’t seen him for almost a month by the time they gathered for the journey. And while Armin hadn’t been at all bored, what with daily training to control the Colossus Titan, he still missed his best friend. There was no one to talk to about the soreness he felt when he transformed and stayed in his Titan body for too long. No one who had experienced the same trauma he went through (and had nightmares about). And of course there was Mikasa, but she was usually too tired from training with Levi to talk to him or entertain his theories like Eren did. 

    So when the date of departure was released, Armin was very excited to see Eren again. And what he found was a person he hardly recognized. But he knew what this stranger would talk to him about. 

   Armin stepped out of the chilly water, completely aware of how numb his feet were from standing there for so long. Eren seemed to be lost in thought as Armin made his way towards him. His turquoise eyes had a far-away look in them, his lips were slightly parted, and his breathing was quicker than normal. Armin sitting down next to him seemed to be the thing that pulled Eren out of his stupor.

   “Nice night.” Armin drawled casually, drawing his knees up to his chest and wrapping his arms around them.

   Eren glanced at his childhood friend quickly, making a guttural sound that Armin took as an agreement. The air felt tense between the two boys, like two dogs about to brawl. But the “dogs” were thoughts and feelings, and the “fight” was talking about them. 

   And Armin knew he had to let the fight break-out.

   “I wonder what Reiner and Zeke said to the Marley official-,” Armin was cut off before he could finish voicing his pondering. 

   “What are you doing over here, Armin?” Eren’s voice was husky from sitting silently for so long. He fully turned his head to face Armin, who met Eren’s steely gaze calmly.

   “Talking to you.” Armin told the suicidal maniac next to him as he sat up a little straighter. “ We haven’t seen each other in a month; we should catch up.”

   “I don’t want to talk about Marley.” Eren turned away from Armin once again. 

   “I know Marley has been the only thing on your mind since we got here. Since we got to see the ocean...” Armin breathed out a small chuckle, the sound barely escaping his lips. “We wanted to see this, be here, for so long. And now, here we are. I haven’t been able to fully wrap my mind around it yet.” 

   Eren sighed slowly, running a hand through his slightly grown out hair. “Of course I’ve been thinking about Marley, Armin.” He admitted, evidently choosing to ignore the comment about the beautiful scenery. “I just don’t want to talk about it.”

   “It?” 

  Eren paused for a moment.  “...The war we are going to wage against them. We know they won’t stop, that much was clear when Reiner and Zeke retreated. So the only way to ensure the people of the Walls true freedom is to eradicate the threat… and I don’t want to talk about that.”

  Armin nodded absentmindedly, processing Eren’s words. Armin knew that they would eventually have to take a stand against Marley, especially with all the Titan-Shifter power they held. They were a threat, viewing the people inside the Walls as the spawn of the devil. A sickness to be cured. Armin also knew that he and Eren were likely to be spearheading the mission to Marley, whenever it would take place. There was no way to infer what the Marleyan world looked like, save for the pictures brought over by Grisha Jaeger. Was it widely military operated? Or was it more like the citizens of the Walls, a large percentage of their population being civilian lives? Was the eventual war going to kill innocent people who had nothing to do with the threat? Did it matter? There were so many unanswered questions, so much they didn’t know. Talking about Marley just confirmed the necessity of the war, regardless of how ethical it might be. And they didn’t need to worry about that, not for a while. 

   But there was one question Armin did have. One that could be answered. “Eren?”

   Eren’s gaze was still fixated on the horizon. “Hmm?”

   “Do you think you’re brave?” The question hung in the air for a moment, and then two.

   But then, Eren spoke again. “You know me better than anyone else, Armin. What do you think?”  

    What did he think? Armin studied Eren’s side profile, though his features didn’t give any answer away.  “I think,” He brushed his bangs away from his eyes. “That bravery is relative. For people like Mikasa and Levi, it relates to what is happening in the moment. They know their goal, they know how to achieve it, and they will stop at nothing to carry it through. And while I respect them both immensely, they don’t think ahead. I’m not particularly battle-savvy, but when I’m calm, I can think and make a clear plan. Commander Erwin was the same way. But you…” Armin almost struggled for the correct words. “You fight for freedom. Total and utter freedom. You’re like Mikasa and Levi that way. But freedom isn’t a short-term goal. It’s a rat race. First against the Titans, now against Marley. And because it’s so tough to earn freedom, you are able to think ahead as well. You analyze the situation, find your most immediate threat, get rid of them, and repeat. Regardless of the obstacles, you’ve learned to never give up. Not until you are truly free.” Eren had turned to look at Armin halfway through his speech. His once solemn expression was traded for that same look of cocky defiance he used to always wear. Armin met his eyes. “So yes, you are brave.” 

   “I’ve missed your monologues.” Eren told him, a small smile creeping onto his face.

   “I do not monologue!” Armin protested, annoyed that that was the first thing Eren decided to say.

   “Hell yes you do! It happens all the time, how don’t you notice?” 

   “Probably the same way you don’t notice Mikasa’s feelings…” Armin mumbled under his breath.

   “What was that?” Eren snapped.

   “Wouldn’t you like to know.” Armin teased him, shoving the taller boy’s shoulder. Eren scoffed and returned the shove, knocking Armin over. Armin’s body thudded softly against the sand on the ground before breaking into a laughing fit. Eren joined him, until the two teenagers were clutching their sides from laughing so hard.

      ★

      “Oi brats, time to go.” A voice called from above as Eren stirred from his sleep. He and Armin had fallen asleep after their giggle fit, completely exhausted by the amount of tension they both had dispelled. Eren couldn’t remember the last time he laughed that hard, even if it was over something as trivial as Armin’s “monologues”.

Eren moved to sit up, but a pressure on his chest stopped him. Armin was still sprawled halfway on top of Eren, completely unconscious. Eren looked up to see the frowning face of Captain Levi staring down at him.

He sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose as he looked down at Eren’s helpless face. “Look, I don’t care if you have to drag Arlert up here by his ears. We have to leave before sunrise or risk whatever is left of those damn Titan bastards showing up.”  

  “Yes, sir.” Eren told his superior, before trying to shake Armin awake. “Armin? We have to go now.” Armin just groaned and nestled against Eren’s chest. ‘Alright then. Looks like I'm carrying him.’ Eren thought with a sigh.

   The years Eren trained had prepared him for this moment. Carrying his sleeping best friend up a cliff. Surprisingly, Armin wasn’t super heavy. The climb up to the horses was easy enough, but Mikasa had to help situate Armin on top of Eren’s horse. Eren had no idea Armin could sleep so deeply like this. Their entire adolescence had been plagued with the fear of Titans, and now they had almost nothing to worry about. No wonder Armin was so calm.

   They rode for home, then. Eren gripped Armin’s unconscious body to his chest and smiled. 

   He had really missed his best friend. 

[beatriceinmessina]

Halloween Terrorfest, Day XIII: ‘This is Halloween’

(A note: This one is just pure nonsense I wrote to amuse myself.)

31 October 2019

“What are you supposed to be?”  asked James, looking up and down as Thomas and Edward came in through the door.

Thomas gave him a surprised look.  “You really don’t know?”  James shook his head in reply.  “I love rock ‘n’ roll, so put another dime in the jukebox, baby!”

“No, that’s obvious.  You,” James said, gesturing to Edward, who was dressed in a top hat and greatcoat, “who are you?”

Edward sighed.  “James, don’t tell me you’ve never seen The Body Snatcher.”

“What?”

“The Body Snatcher.  You know, the film where Boris Karloff gives this doctor guy bodies and is obsessed with him.”

“I don’t know that one.”

“Then you’ll have to come over to our place and see it.  Next week?” asked Edward, already walking into the house.  Thomas shook his head, smiling affectionately.

“Just watch it alone unless you want to hear his theory on how the two main guys are exes, which is actually pretty plausible,” he said, and tilted his head to the side.  “Wait.  I didn’t ask you who you are, and I’m still not sure.”

An evil grin spread across James’s face.  “Surprise, bitch!  I bet you thought you’d seen the last of me.”

“Oh, yeah.  And I think Francis is staring at me?”  Thomas’s eyes slid over to the dining room table where Francis was sitting and back again.

“No, he’s staring at me and counting down the minutes until he gets to screw me in this.  He told me before we left.”

“Um.  Thanks?”  

“You’re welcome!” James said cheerily, stepping to the side and letting Thomas through.  He had barely gotten through the living-room before there was a screeching of tires so loud that practically everyone in the room jumped.  Tuunbaq hissed and stood up on the sofa’s arm, his fur standing on end.

“Oh, no,” Harry whispered, going to collect the infuriated cat before he tore a hole in the couch and looking out the window.  “They’re going to crash something going like that.”  Another screech as the car skidded into a parked position, and then an infuriated shriek that could probably be heard all the way in Lancashire.

“JOHN HARTNELL, IF YOU DRIVE LIKE THAT AGAIN, I SWEAR TO EVERY GOD ABOVE, I WILL CUT YOUR HANDS OFF FINGER BY FINGER!”

“It’s part of the character!” John could be heard protesting, and then Tom shouting again.

“DON’T TELL ME THAT, JONATHAN -- YOU DRIVE LIKE A FUCKING DEMON TWENTY-FOUR SEVEN -- YOU ARE GOING TO SET THIS CAR ON FIRE ONE DAY -- YOU SHOULD HAVE LET ME DRIVE--”

“One, the full name ultimatum doesn’t work when Jonathan isn’t my name.  Two, you’re adorable when you yell like this.”

“Adorable?  ADORABLE?!  I AM NOT--”

“Come on, you know Mary Ann’s the only one who inherited Mum’s terrifying gene.  Your face just gets all screwed up and cute.”

“Hey,” Harry called, opening the door and standing in the entrance, “you might want to get inside before someone reports you for being public nuisances.”

“Am I that loud?” Tom called, his voice finally dropping below a scream.  

“If you were any louder they’d hear you in New York,” John groaned.  “I think my eardrums almost exploded.”

“They wouldn’t be in danger of exploding if you drove like a normal person.  It’s a miracle your licence hasn’t been revoked.”

“Yeah.  We should--”

“WELCOME TO A SHOW ABOUT DEATH!” a gleeful voice screeched from inside, and Graham all but slid into the doorway, leaving Harry a split second to get out of the way.  “If you die during this party, the festivities will not stop.”

“Yes, it will,” Harry said.  “Now come inside before someone gets arrested.”

They got out of the car; Tom headed for the house, and John stayed by the car, looking at it disappointedly.  “It didn’t break down.”

“Wonder of wonders, miracles of miracles.  Come on.”  Tom grabbed his brother’s hand and dragged him from the house.  Harry stared at them when they came up the stairs.

“Tell me you were not driving with those sunglasses on.”

“I told him to take them off,” Tom said.  “He said it wasn’t, and I quote, ‘in the spirit of Elwood Blues’, and he wasn’t going to disappoint him.  So we almost crashed four times on a fifteen-minute drive.”

“You’re not hurt?”

“We’re fine,” John said, walking inside.  “Anyone else coming?”

“No, everyone else is here -- Tuunbaq, stop trying to attack them,” Harry sighed, trying to contain the squirming, hissing cat in his arms and close the door at the same time.  “We talked to you about this.”

“I told you,” Silna called from the table.  “He only listens to my dad.”  The door now securely locked, someone turned the music, which had been playing at a decently low volume, way up.  Tuunbaq screeched and leapt out of Harry’s grasp, searching for the culprit as “I Love Rock ‘n’ Roll” blasted at approximately one hundred thousand million decibels and Blanky, dressed in what looked like a nineteenth-century sailor’s uniform, stood by the speakers and nodded his head as if absolutely nothing was wrong at all.  Francis grabbed him and pulled him backwards whilst Silna leaned over and turned the knob way down, restoring the momentarily-dashed order.  

Cornelius, for one, had somehow managed to find a perch on top of the kitchen counter and was telling some story to the group he had come with, all of whom were dressed as the Sawyer family of Texas Chainsaw fame to a disturbing degree of accuracy.  (Magnus, in particular, resembled Leatherface so closely that no one was entirely sure that Leatherface hadn’t actually turned up.  The chainsaw in his hands wasn’t helping.)  The story seemed to involve some guy he knew and the Regent’s Canal.  Charlie Des Voeux had gotten bored of said story and, true to the character of Nubbins Sawyer, was currently antagonizing whoever he could with a prop pocket knife.  (Or at least it seemed like it was a prop.)  Stanley, made grotesquely white by greasepaint, was occupied in eyeing the matchbox left near the stove.  Francis and James had brought Neptune with them, and, while he was usually a very good boy, the dog had been growling at Tuunbaq all evening.  If everyone wasn’t careful, there would be blood and fur on the floor by the end of the night.

“Hey!” Charlie seemed to pop up out of nowhere in front of John and Tom, waving the knife around in a truly irresponsible manner.  “You want some head cheese?”  

“Stop being a dick,” someone grumbled, and Solomon, wearing a suit that looked like it had just been found in an attic chest, appeared behind Charlie.  “And put the knife down before you stab someone.”

“That’s the point,” Charlie said irritatedly.  “It’s Halloween.  Scary shit is the point -- what -- PUT ME DOWN!” he shrieked when Solomon lifted him into a bridal carry.  “ARSEHOLE!  LET ME GO -- I WILL STAB YOU--”

“Too late,” Solomon said calmly, picking the knife out of Charlie’s fingers.  “This is mine now.  Don’t contradict me, I’m your grandfather!” he added as a final word.  

“Isn’t the grandpa in that movie over a hundred?” John asked.  “He probably can’t carry anyone.”

“I’m saving you from certain death; don’t tear my case apart.”

“Isn’t that a prop, though?”

“Charlie?” Solomon asked.  “Is this a prop knife?”

“Cornelius gave it to me, I don’t know!  PUT ME DOWN,” Charlie howled as Solomon carried him into the kitchen, presumably to interrogate Cornelius as to the function of the knife.  

The kitchen being thus commandeered, everyone else had gathered in the next two rooms, and now that all ears were safe from spontaneously combusting, the party had settled into conversation and dance, and would have gone on perfectly normally if not for a few things that turned it into a night to be remembered as long as anyone lived.

A hissing, popping sound came from the kitchen, followed by Solomon racing out into the dining area with Charlie still in his arms, some of the “Sawyers” behind him.  

“The stove was on fire,” Charlie said.  “I think I saw Stanley climb out the window.”

“Was?” Silna repeated.  “It’s not on fire anymore?”

“It just, like… exploded for two seconds.  Like a gas explosion.”

“Did we leave the stove on?”  Silna turned to Harry.

“I don’t think so.”  He shrugged and went in to look.  “No, we didn’t.  Someone would have had to light it with a match.”

“He took your matches too,” said Tommy Armitage.  “I saw them in his pocket.”

“Wait.”  Harry scowled.  “Stanley set the stove on fire, stole our matches, and climbed out the window?”  Yes, his co-worker was consistently disapproving and Harry was ninety-nine-point-nine-nine percent sure he wasn’t capable of smiling, but setting things on fire?  For no reason whatsoever?  But sure enough, Stanley had been gone when he’d checked the stove.  And the window was open.  Good gods, was work going to be awkward tomorrow morning.

The spectacle being over before it even began, everyone was about to leave when someone screamed upstairs, a scream so long and loud it was amazing the screamer hadn’t run out of breath by the time Francis hurried up the stairs to investigate.  He found John Irving staring into the open-doored bedroom, looking as though he had glanced into Hell itself.

“What’s wrong?” he asked.  John made a mewling sound and pointed to the bedroom.  Cornelius stood in front of the bed, along with Billy Gibson.  Both seemed to have hastily pulled their clothing on.  Francis sighed.  “You couldn’t go out to your car?”

“We all came over in Sol’s,” Cornelius said.  “It would be rude.”

“And this isn’t?”

“Well yeah, but it’s not illegal.  You can’t hang me for it.”

“Is that your criteria for what’s appropriate to do?  Whether or not you’ll get hanged?”

“Yes.”  Cornelius grinned his cheeky grin.  “And you can’t hang me for that either.”

“What’s all this about hanging?” Francis asked Billy, who shrugged.

“I don’t know.  I just came up here to get laid.”

“Get out of Silna and Harry’s room before you traumatize anyone else.”

“Yes, sir, Captain, Dad,” Cornelius said cheerfully, and marched out pulling Billy with him.  “We’ll be in the coat closet.”

“No, we won’t,” Billy contradicted.  “Sorry, John,” he added to the trembling figure now curled up on the floor.  “We’ll lock the door next time.”

“Lock the door next time?  There shouldn’t BE a next time!” John shrieked, his eyes nearly falling out of his head.  “You two are scorched on the insides of my eyelids for the REST OF MY LIFE!”

“It’s free jerk-off material, you’re welcome,” Cornelius called before Billy yanked him down the stairs.  Francis followed them after seeing that John wasn’t getting up anytime soon, where everyone had dispersed save for Silna and Harry, who were talking over something clutched in Harry’s hands.  

“Where did you get it?” Francis heard Silna say.

“The Budgens three streets over.  The brand starts with G or something.”

“And every single piece has bits of metal in it?”

“Every piece I’ve tried.”

“How do they even get metal bits into candy?  How is anyone that staggeringly incompetent?  Or evil?”

“I don’t know.  We just have to get rid of it.”

“Burn it,” Blanky said, appearing between them.  “Burn it all.”

“Burn it?” Harry repeated.

“Sure, it’s a great bonding experience.”

“He’s right,” Francis said, remembering the Great Cornwall Beach Bonfire of 2005.  (To be fair, they had all been high out of their minds, which might have had something to do with the feeling of togetherness.  And the bonfire had gotten out of control and they had all almost died.)  “You have a fire pit, right?”

“Yeah.”

“Then let’s burn it.”

“I mean, if everyone wants to, I don’t see why not.”  She cupped her hands around mouth.  “We’re going outside for a few minutes; there’s something important to do.  You want to join, join.”  Surprisingly, everyone (even John, who had come downstairs) headed for the back door along with them; the coat closet’s door opened and out came John and Harry, along with Billy and Cornelius, who had made it there after all.  (It was a very large coat closet.)

They processed into the backyard and assembled around the fire pit, Silna holding the candy bowl solemnly.  “We were going to serve this,” she explained, “but somehow there’s pieces of metal in all of it, according to Harry, so we’re going to burn it.”

“Why are we burning it?” Thomas asked, leaning on Edward’s arm.

“According to Blanky, it’s good for bonding, and it’s more fun than throwing it away.”  Silna poured the candy into the pit and scanned the crowd.  “Miss Montgomery,” she called, and James stepped forward.  “Will you do the honors?”

“Absolutely.”  James showed her the cigarette he’d been carrying all night.  “Who’s got a light?”

“I do.”  Tommy held a lighter above his head.  “What?” he asked when Graham gave him a side-eyed glance.  “I don’t smoke.  I just like melting stuff.”  He came around and lit the cigarette.  

“On three,” Harry said.  “One -- two -- three!”  

James tossed the cigarette into the fire pit.  And--

WHOOSH!

The candy went up in flames that shot at least halfway to the sky, burning orange and gold.  For a moment, all was silent.  Then, over the snap and crackle of the fire, Edward’s voice.

“Love, love, love, love,” he sang to a tune they all knew well, and Thomas joined in.  Then Graham and Charlie.

“Drop out, drop out, drop out, drop out…”  Now two out of three Johns, Harry Peglar, and Tom added their voices.  John Hartnell added his harmonica, playing for dear life despite not knowing a note of the song on his chosen instrument.

“Be in, be in, be in, be in…”  When the lyrics changed from one-word repetitions, everyone else joined the song.

“Take trips, get high; laugh, joke and goodbye; beat drum and old tin pot; I’m high on you-know-what,” they sang to the sky and the roaring flames.  “Take trips, get high; laugh, joke and goodbye; beat drum and old tin pot; I’m high on you-know-what.  Take trips, get high; laugh, joke and goodbye; beat drum and old tin pot; I’m high on you-know-what.”  By this time a neighbor was standing on their back porch, staring.

“Are we bothering you, Mr Ross?” Silna called to him over the singing.

“No, but you’re worrying me.  What is this--” -- Mr Ross shaded his eyes from the flames -- “--some sort of Halloween ritual?”

 “No, sir,” James shouted, pulling Francis into a dance that seemed to combine proper waltzing with tripping over one’s own feet.  “It’s a be-in!”

“A what?”

“A BE-IN!” Solomon yelled joyfully, whirling around with Edward and Thomas.  “You can join us!”

“We’ll be quiet in a few minutes,” Harry said, going over the fence.  “Sorry.  We’ve gotten a bit carried away.”

“Make good on that,” said Mr Ross, and went back inside.  On they went with the dancing and singing, until the flames died down and the candy was reduced to ashes.  There now being nothing to dance around, they shuffled back inside.  Blanky looked at his phone.

“Damn it,” he said.  “Playlist’s run out.”

“We’ll sing!” Tom piped up brightly.  “We’ve been practicing.”

“Go ahead, then.”  Blanky shrugged, and the two brothers leapt up onto the table, ignoring Harry’s protests.  Tom snatched Blanky’s phone, pulled something up on it, and nodded to John.

“A-five-six-seven-eight!” John counted, and country music began to play from the speakers.  Blanky burst out laughing.  “Rollin’, rollin’, rollin’, though the streams are swollen, keep them doggies rollin’; Rawhide!  Rain and wind and weather, hell-bent for leather; wishin’ my gal was by my side.  All the things I’m missin’; good vittles, love and kissin’, are waiting at the end of my ride.”  He elbowed Tom.  “Move ‘em on!”

“Head ‘em up!”  Tom ducked as an empty soda can came flying at his head.  And another.  And another.

“Head ‘em up!”  A fourth can whistled past John’s ear.

“Move ‘em on!”

“Move ‘em on--”

“Head ‘em up!”

“Rawhide!”  By this time, at least fifteen empty soda cans were on the floor.  “What the hell are you doing?” John asked.

“We don’t have beer bottles to throw at you,” Cornelius explained, tossing another can.  

“But there’s no chicken wire!” Tom cried.

“Empty cans won’t knock you out,” Charlie said.  “We’ll stop when you sing something doesn’t call for it.”

“Fine.”  Tom fiddled with the phone, and new music played.  “Come on; oh, baby, don’t you wanna go?  Come on; oh, baby, don’t you wanna go?  Back to that same old place -- sweet home Chicago!”  A soda can hit the back wall.  “Oh, come on!”

“Think of it as applause,” James said.  “Now keep singing!”

And so they sang, and ducked, and a wonderful night was had by all, in spite of the massive amount of cleanup the house would require, which they would all definitely have to come over for.  

[tumblunni]

SO! IT is time for Dr Snap headcanons!

* He is autistic like me, because I find a lot of his portrayal very relateable as an autistic person. He's clearly hyperfocusing about monsters, and he gets so super passionate and infodumps about them! And he's very socially awkward and perceived as "weird and childish" by others for being so passionate about his interests and not being good at making the correct facial expressions and stuff. In the Japanese version there's actually even more of that, in English he speaks in a standard formal grandpa style but in Japanese he speaks in oddly stilted childish language and uses the unfitting pronoun "boku" that's usually only used for young kids in fiction. There's also a scene of him literally saying he gets social anxiety in crowds, which was left out in the English translation for some reason. I was surprised to hear about that from my Japanese friends, it makes him even more relateable! And of course, his whole plot is basically the fantasy version of "his only friends are animals because other humans exclude him", which is another relateable mood.

* Also I want the Darkonium Orb as a stim toy, lol! I know it's an evil artifact but a floating ball seems like it'd be super fun to swish around in circles. And I wonder if it's like a crystal or if it's like a squishy stress ball...? I'm getting distracted, lol!

* Since all we know about his backstory is that he had no friends even as a child, I headcanon that he suffered badly from bullying and isolation in his youth that permenantly impacted his ability to trust anyone but monsters. I had the idea that maybe he was also mistreated by his parental guardians for being autistic, and he often used to hear "if you misbehave, the monsters will get you!" It actually backfired and started his love of monsters! He used to dream that the monsters that take away bad kids would take him away from his suffering...

* Oh, and related to this: it's my headcanon that he was raised in an orphanage since a very young age and doesn't know anything about who his parents were. He was just found clutching his baby sister crying and shivering in an abandoned wagon in the woods, full of dead bodies that were assumed to be his family or at least whoever was taking care of him at the time. For a long time it was thought that monsters had killed the family, so that's why the cautionary tale of "monsters coming to get you" was used to discipline him at the orphanage, and why it hit so hard. But when he grew up and became a famous and successful scientist he was able to finance an investigation into his own past and discovered the culprit was actually human bandits. He still could never find out the names of his parents though, but knowing that monsters hadn't been the cause of his tragedy helped him get over his fear of them and eventually learn to love and trust them more than anyone else

* Oh yeah it's also my headcanon that despite how obsessed he is nowadays with the cuteness of monsters, he was actually very frightened of them all the way up until his 20s! The "you're a bad child for these neuroatypical symptoms you can't control, and monsters are gonna get you just like they got your family" thing actually did affect him a lot as a child. He saw it as kind of a guilty or sinful feeling that sometimes he would wish they would just take him already because even the horror of monsters can't be as bad as the horror of people, yknow? But he was still too scared of them to ever really interact with them at all, and believed whatever he was told about them cos he had no other frame of reference. He also felt rather aimless in life because he hadn't discovered this thing he would love so much, yknow? He flittered through loads of different hobbies getting temporarily obsessed but never finding anything that stuck with him. Bit of a jack of all trades!

* oh btw I headcanon his first name is Jack, lol! To fit with the playing card theming of the game. Also his younger sister is named Jacqueline and she became known as Jack Of Hearts as a famous adventurer~!

* Oh also I headcanon that he has a sister, lol. Should have mentioned that earlier! The game never tells you anything about the player's mother except that she died, so I headcanoned maybe she was Dr Snap's sister and he's your uncle literally just because I like Dr snap a lot and I want him to adopt the player and take him away from his shitty dad. Like man you know you're a shitty dad when the main villain of the damn game has more scenes of positive parental interaction with your son! (ANOTHER REASON WHY DR SNAP TURNING BAD AND DYING WAS SO SAD)

* His sister was very similar to the protagonist as a child, a punky outgoing stubborn badass who wouldnt listen to rules and wouldn't take any shit from anyone! Even though she was his younger sister, she would always be the one protecting her shy older brother from bullies! She was his dearest only friend in such a tough life...

* Sadly, she was considered "more adoptable" since she was neurotypical. Young Snap blamed himself that he was holding her back from finding a new family, because she always refused anyone who didn't want to take her brother too. He thought it would be better if at least one of them escaped the orphanage, so he eventually convinced her to leave him and go with a nice family. And then he didn't see her again for decades, and he didn't have a single other friend...

* The instigating incident that caused him to first become a monster research was because of this. He didn't have a good life after losing his sister, he eventually just aged out of the foster system without ever being adopted, and had trouble living independently and finding a job with his limited skills of Just Hyperfocusing On Random Stuff And Not Being Able To Talk Good. Nobody really valued him enough, he was just considered strange and all his attempts to research various things (I think before monsters he liked butterflies a lot) were considered creepy and useless because he was so lower class and could never afford to get a proper scientific education to actually do anything with his skills. So he ended up flitting about between jobs that he would keep failing cos of his lack of social skills, having no time to do the hobbies he cared about and being told he could never make a job out of them. And having no family or friends and living in terrible conditions. He didn't have any hope left in life...

* So one day he ended up making a sad decision to end it all, after being fired from yet another job and just not having the strength to keep trying when it seemed like this would be every day of the rest of his life. He went out into the woods to take some sleeping pills and pass away where he wouldn't be bothering anyone. But by a stroke of fate he ended up bumping into a monster!

* Because he'd already made his peace with dying, he didn't have any fear if it killed him here. But instead this titanic beast simply stumbled to the ground and desperately clutched at a pile of broken eggs. It had already been fatally wounded by a hunter, and only wanted to try and protect its children from the same fate. Dr Snap remembered his child self clutching his baby sister to protect her from the bandits, and he was so moved that he tried to save the poor creature! But his limited skills learning science only from books meant he wasn't much use. And all he even knew was how regular animals work, which could end up only hurting a monster! Plus he was in the middle of nowhere with no supplies!! He tried his best but he was completely out of his depth, and all he could do in the end was hold the poor thing and stroke its head as it passed away. And as the tears streamed down his face, they landed on the one still living egg that the monster was protecting. It hatched into twins who would be his first of many monster partners!

* So he rushed home carrying these lil newborns and desperately took care of them. He began researching monsters in order to look after them properly, and found that he was totally sfascinated by them and also it was the one thing he was truly talented at that he'd always wanted to find! Having a family to take care of was what he really needed to find a reason to live again, and he was also able to finally make a career out of his monster research and find enough success to live more comfortably. He even ended up inventing the monster scout ring and founding an entire company all about mosnter battle tournements! And this led to him finding his sister again, because she heard news of this and recognised him. They reunited as adults and rebuilt a happy relationship, and she was overjoyed to hug her new lil monster nieces and nephews!

* So yeah he has a lot of reasons to love monsters a lot and see them as the embodiment of goodness that deserves everything in the whole world. And after his sister passed away he was left alone with his monsters again, terrified of losing more family, and slipping deeper into the madness of those forbidden legends that could give his monsters eternal happiness...

* also I think he likes tea, it would be nice to have a fancy tea party with him and his monsters

* also he is a good man who didn't deserve to die

[firesignenergy]

A rant about Life is strange & Dontnod’s poor story-telling (particularily season 2)

Who knows me also knows I find Lis1 awfully boring and cringe-worthy as a whole, its characters utterly flat, 1-dimensional & steorotypical, and Chloe one of the most annoying protagonists ever… but that’s for s1, we ain’t even gonna talk about that…

I gave both Lis1 and Before the storm a fair chance and played the first episodes but in the end I had to resort to play-throughs on youtube just to spicy things up a bit with commentary from other people because I was getting pretty bored playing on my own. I actually revisited Lis1 a few days ago and it does have a few cool things, like the game mechanism and a relatively engaging plot… But that’s about it.

The only character I truly care about in the Lis universe is Chris tbh. I wanted so bad to care about Sean and Daniel… and I did, but only in the first ep. The rest was trash. The plot didn’t make any sense, the protagonists had no real goals, they were just wondering around, killing time… out of 3 hours of gameplay, only like 40 minutes were ACTUAL game play. The rest was just air.

Daniel was such a baby boy in the first episode but becomes such a brat later on. And Sean had ZERO personality outside taking care of his brother and doing random sketches. I love stories about brotherhood, this could’ve been sooooo great. But they messed it up.

The romantic interests were gross (Finn had a somewhat decent personality at some point but still 1-dimensional). I would’ve been perfectly fine without the tumblr hippies OR their useless grandparents (grandpa was kind of a sweetheart tho). I could’ve done without seeing their mom too. And wtf was that religious cult thing all about jjsjfjjsjfjjdj it was SO ridiculous. The 4 episodes had NOTHING to do with each other.

Ok listen… if the writers were to go for a “religious cult kidnaps child with powers because they mistaken him for an angel and his brother tries to rescue him” type thing from the beginning, cool. But to throw that in the 4th ep just felt out of place. Not to mention they try to make Sean look like some badass mofo from The walking dead or something.

And if they were to make Daniel slowly become more and more rebellious against Sean, I would’ve been fine with that too, you know? But the shift was way to abrupt and unearned. So was his “redemption arc”.

I would’ve liked to see more real conflict between them but instead the story went something like “boohoo my little brother likes this dude more than me because he shows him how to throw knives and oh btw it’s time to lecture him for the 28th time today about using his powers because God forbid the writers giving me any good dialogue or character development”. AHHAHHHHHHH that was Sean’s wholeass character, I swear!!!

And Daniel’s character was just making mistakes so Sean had something to do aka clean up after him. And like, I know Daniel is like 9 and people say it’s normal for him to act dumb and make mistakes but… come on, kids are not THAT dumb.

AND WHAT HAPPENED TO THE REAL CONFLICT??? DID DANIEL REALLY FORGIVE SEAN ABOUT LYING TO HIM ABOUT THEIR DAD THAT EASILY??!! Dude what happened to Sean teaching Daniel basic survival skills like in first episode?

The wolf allegory didn’t work either… it didn’t tie into anything. They could’ve easily simply remained in the forest for the rest of the game, growing closer, building shelters, hunting for food, training Daniel or whatever. I would’ve been like yep, that’s the wolf brothers, running the forest and shit. But no.

What if the cop who shot dad was alive and Sean was framed and the whole time that they hid in the forest Daniel trained in order to get some sort of revenge? Imagine if Daniel turned into a villain and we, as Sean, had to make him good again? I don’t know…

The trip to Mexico wasn’t a bad objective either, but why not make it a triple threat? What if the police, the religious cult and a group of scientists who were curious about Daniel’s powers were all after him? That would’ve been a better story, with multiple layers, connecting subplots and whatnot. Not just random shit thrown in the pot to fill the space. Ohh and don’t get me STARTED about that pot farm !

Anyway… wasted potential.

As for Captain Spirit, I kinda enjoyed this little story. It could’ve had more punch to it but whatever. Dontnod are simply not best at creating atmosphere or building emotional moments… or at facial aniamations for that matter but we ain’t even gonna talk about that either.

Now, Chris Erikson…. For the first time in the history of the Lis universe I felt emotionally invested in a character. He was sensitive, talented, clever as far as I could tell, but still underused :/ and I didn’t see any purpose for him in Lis2. I liked the dynamic between him and Daniel. The fact that Daniel sort of lent his powers to Chris without him knowing was of one few interesting subplots of Lis2, but again, it wasn’t explored enough.

I would’ve personally enjoyed a full game exploring Chris’ story. The handling of the abuse was a bit luckluster. But the portrayal of the abuse itself, yeah. They nailed it. The way Chris’ father would be aggressive on moment, then goof around the next one… It makes a kid confused and, as we saw, willing to lie in order to protect their parent.

I imagine a universe where Lis2 doesn’t exist but Captain Spirit does, right? And Chris and Daniel are neighbors and also best friends obsessed with superheroes and Daniel still has his powers.

Just like he did in Lis2, he pretends that Chris is the one with powers, just to make his best friend’s life a little brighter. Their playful moments would contrast the abuse Chris is going through. The player doesn’t know it’s Daniel who owns the power though, and it comes as a plot twist at the end of the game.

That would make so much more sense to me and it would make for a much better story. But whatever. I’m done with the rant. I just had to because Lis2 left me so… disappointed.

[sw4tch]

((Another vent post i found in my drafts. This one is pretty bad, very Suicidal. Glad I don’t feel like this right now, but reading my past emotions makes me sad.

To cheer me up, I’ll add Annotations to disperse these bad thoughts for future me))

it’s not fair it’s not fair

she fucked me up while i was a child, took my father’s side and took her anger out on me when i was so young, and me, right now, when i take my anger out on her then i’m the bad one, i’m the worst one, i’m the one that ruined her life

I know i ruined her life, that’s all i’m good for and i ruin everything

but when i do it, i don’t deserve my apologies to be taken

even though she has NEVER apologized for anything in her life, never to me, not when she hits me, not when she hits me on accident, not when she makes me cry

BUT I’M THE WORST ONE, i am the worst thing that could have happened to her

I am the Monster

without a will to live and with a dream to be left alone to die

I hate it

I HATE GOING TO A FRIEND’S HOUSE AND WANTING TO DIE BECAUSE THEIR FAMILIES ARE SO NICE TO THEM, AND NICE TO ME

SOMEONE WHO’S INTRUDING AND BOTHERING THEM, ME

“You’re always welcome here” always feel like a stab through the heart

Because it makes me feel wanted and i hate that, admit that i’m a bother and you hate me and that you think i’M UGLY AND DISGUSTING AND THAT I’M THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN TO YOU

HATE ME HATE ME HATE ME HATE ME

I’M FULL OF DISGUSTING FEELINGS AND HATRED AND I’M UGLY AND TOO FAT AND TOO BIG AND TAKE TOO MUCH SPACE AND I SMELL HORRIBLE AND MY FACE IS HORRIBLE AND I HATE EXISTING BECAUSE MY MERE EXISTENCE BOTHERS OTHERS

(( Oh Snaily of the past, you wrote this after going to a friend’s house and it made you feel happy. Why can’t you accept that? People do like you, they love you. Your friend wanted you to live with them at some point remember? People genuinely like you. Being a burden sometimes it’s okay. ))

I apologized to her because i knew yesterday was my slip up. Can’t let her know i hate having her in my life, that she reminds me of everything that’s wrong in my life, that she’s one of the reasons i’m so suicidal

Gotta pretend, as always, that i’m the good “Daughter”, the Good Child, the Golden Child

so i did. But she immediately cried and said something about how she’s sacrificed so much for me and that if she took control of my bank account it was for my own good and hers, and that i am an adult already, i should already know how to take care of myself (i know, i know) and that i can’t go out into the world by being such a toxic person that disrespects the hand that feeds her (i know, i know) that kind of thing doesn’t fly when you have a job (god, i know)

She didn’t accept my apology, said i went too far. That some things can never be forgiven (how funny, shoot me, shoot me, shoot me) and that i really fucked up, because she’s the only one that has looked out for me, she’s the only person in the world that doesn’t deserve my anger (i cried in this part, cried out of anger and frustration, how dare she not know)

“You can’t take your anger out on people, i thought i had thought you better and that you were a smart child. Weren’t you talking about being kind yesterday? You can’t be a hypocrite”

i cried. she’s right. ([Be a good person, that’s all.] i tried, i try, but i’m a horrible person that’s full of hatred and that will eventually hurt their friends. i’m sorry, my life isn’t my own. I can’t be who i want to be)

I’m a hypocrite. I want to hurt and maim others, i want to feel justified when i do, i want to feel good when i hurt others, i want to be validated in my sorrow

(( Your anger is the part of you that loves you and wants people to treat you right. You’re not monstrous for that. Also she literally lied to you here because later on she didn’t do any of her Threats, your anger was justified. Snaily, remember you’re the Abused here.

I know you feel violent sometimes, but you don’t really want to hurt people. You just want to protect yourself ))

That’s the abuse cycle, isn’t it?

My parents hurt me in different ways when i was a child, they cursed me, so now i’m cursed to turn into a monster at the sight of moonlight and rip my friends limb from limb with my fangs

I’m cursed, i’m cursed, and i’ll hurt anyone that i see vulnerable enough to take my bite

and i don’t want that

I’ve talked about it, haven’t i? How i don’t want to be a monster

Ali said i wasn’t. But Ali won’t even talk to me anymore because she probably realized i’m a weird creep that idolizes too much and gets obsessed with people that treat them right in the slightest. She won’t talk to me because she realized that maybe i am a monster.

(( Ali stopped talking to you because life happened! It’s not that deep. Sometimes friends drift apart. Hopefully she still thinks fondly of you. As much as you think fondly of her. People drift and leave, it’s part of life. It’s okay. ))

So i keep thinking, that i can’t let myself hurt anyone else. My mother brought it up today (”You’ll just end up hurting others, don’t you see?”) But i do see, mother.

So i have to be the one that kills the monster. A dead beast can’t kill or maim, can’t pass on the curse of abuse if they’re dead.

It always gets this bad, i always want to die, and when i try to be a good person it becomes evident i’ll never be

I’m too full of hatred for that

I think i’ll be safe once i get out of here, of the hellhole, but that’s a silly illusion isn´t it?

You can take the child out of the hell hole, but you can never take out the hellhole out of the child

not with therapy, not with a good environment, not with a good life, not that i deserve one anyway

A beast will always be a beast

An abused child will become an abuser

And a bad person can never try to be anything else but that

(( You’re not a bad person for feeling miserable, for feeling angry, for being hurt and having these big Big emotions! That might be your possible BPD talking. Therapy would really help you, never ever doubt that your life would be better once you leave this bad environment and get proper treatment ))

----------------------------

I keep thinking about how pear seeds can be toxic if you eat enough of them. Have a grinder at home, can make my own suicide dust, put in my own food and we’re done, happy end, happily ever after.

Don’t have pears. I hate pears.

I keep thinking about how in a robbery, people are desperate enough nowadays to shoot me dead if i refuse to cooperate

I’ll refuse to cooperate, i will and then i’ll be dead. Happily ever after, and the bus will get up and cheer

I’m a coward. How would that work

I keep thinking about how to make someone kill me. Roadkill. But how? 

Should put my life up on the dark web, someone must want to pay for the Thrill of Killing a Living Person, i’d give them that, i’d be good for something for once

These all all just sweet fairytales, aren’t they? The fantasy that it won’t hurt or that it won’t be my fault when i’m dead and people get inconvenienced by it.

I wanna be roadkill, explode into million of pieces, picked up in bags by some poor bastard that just wants to go home instead of touching dead flesh. 

Then i will sleep. And rest. And my back won’t hurt. And my longing and heartache won’t be there anymore.

I lost my will to live a few days ago. Because i missed a presentation out of pure anxiety. Of feeling like a failure.

I’ll tell you a secret, the feeling of failure has been with me ever since. It haunts me, because i know, this time, it’s real. I was supposed to be better, be a good hardworker, not a lazy piece of shit.

Being lazy doesn’t feel good for me, it makes me realize i truly am mediocre.

(( Being mediocre isn’t a crime you know. You don’t have to be exceptional. You just have to be you. And be gentle with you. I’m sorry you felt suicidal. I love you ))

---------------------------------------------------------------

My mother said that 6 months after i graduate, that’ll be all. After that she’ll be gone and not support me economically anymore.

That i brought this onto me.

That’s what i get, for slipping up.

(( This is again manipulation. She never goes through with it!!! She’s just manipulating you, trying to keep you under her thumb!! It’s okay Snaily. You’ll be okay. You don’t deserve her gaslighting and manipulation. But you need to know you’re being wronged, even if you’re not in the right sometimes ))

I deserve that.

Six months. I’ll never get a job and i’ll continue to be a failure and i would have wasted everyone’s time.

That’s all i’m good for.

Six months. That’s nothing. There’s not enough jobs. And i’m not talented enough to get a job so fast. I’m no one, and i’ll always be. 

Talentless hack with a diploma, that would be me.

six months. That’s good. That’s good. I deserve it. It’ll force me to grow. Or sink.

Oh, i’ll sink. 

I’ll sink. While i watch my friends fly away onto jobs i wish i had, because they had what i didn’t:

Talent, A Will to Live, A Future

while i sink.

That can’t be too bad. When i say this, i honestly feel good for them in that scenario. I’m not bitter, not against them anyway. Because I love them, and love should never be about jealousy, should never be tainted with that.

Because that’s not love. True love is wanting your friends to grow and become the best version of themselves. I really want that for them.

I’m just sad i can’t do the same, because of me and me only.

Wonder how expensive a gun is. Maybe i will get a job. Save enough for one and some ammo. Then boom.

Talentless hack no more.

Maybe i can get two guns, fire them both at the same time, one for the mouth, one for the top of my head. 

Flawless execution.

And then i’ll get to see my grandpa, finally, again.

(( He’d be sad to see you in such circumstances. He loved you. As much as you loved him. He’d want for you to live a long fulfilling life. You can do it. Just wait a little longer. You’ll get out of here. I swear. I’ll hold your hand the whole way through. I love you. I love you. I love you ))

[highyenas]

here’s my take on mania

tw: personal experiences with bipolar depression

overall, i like mania. bishops knife trick, wilson, and church are definitely some of my favourite songs they've made to date. tlotro too, the new has worn off of it but it's still a solid track, and i have emotional ties to it because of the interactions i had with not only pete, but patrick as well due to its existence (i've never cried so much in my life). so that's a pretty special track.

though, there are a few things about it that feel off or incomplete. or unnecessary.. ex: the llamas ,, please no more i can't stand them

the things i don't really like include "are you smelling that shit?", and how they chose the word "boost" for heaven's gate of all things - it sounds weird to me but i've gotten used to it, no big deal. i still can't get really into stay frosty, sadly.

some tracks feel incomplete or too repetitive, champion being the biggest contestant here. it's too generic, its meaning is too obvious, unlike most of their songs. i appreciate the idea it's conveying, though. it released at a time i was fighting with my mom and step family really badly so it helped me through that a lot, but it is still very generic and i can't really get past it.

then - young and menace. i just don't like this track. i remember listening to it as soon as it came out in awe but not in a good way. it didn't feel real. is that what i really heard? at the time of course, i grew to like it because i was just happy they were back making music. do i like it now? not really. - but if you look at the song from an artistic standpoint, as a audible presentation for manic depression, it works very well. i can appreciate the song in that light. my grandpa has bipolar disorder and i've been through at least 4 of his manic episodes - at one point he's as sweet as he can be - the next my aunt is fainting because of how terrified she is of him. the contrast between the soft verses vs the chorus (which i feel like could be shorter with more variation with each) represents it well. but do i think it should have been the leading single? of course not. so many people still have a bad taste in their mouth from it and can't look at mania well because of it. first impressions and all. i understand if they were excited (or rushed) to get something out but i feel like if they just waited until they made a song like tlotro, reviews on this album would be much more positive.

now i don't just have negative things to say about the album, but i feel like a good fan should critique what's given to them, not just take it in blindly and never question the methods, or never theorise on what could be done to improve it. but a fan should also appreciate the values it has within it too, "what makes it this album special?" "what makes this part unique?" "don't you just love how (band member) did this?" i'm sure they appreciate the feedback as well. nobody wants an audience of zombies who still say "thanks pete".

(also if you guys could not comment shit like that on sensitive or serious subjects it would be really great - people seriously commented "not bad joe" on joe's post about his mother's passing.)

track by track review  (excluding y&m and champion since i pretty much covered them)

* stay frosty royal milk tea 

this song left a bad taste in my mouth before i even heard it - im easily influenced by how people hype things and how every yeemo trinity kid was freaking out over the title really drove me away. - but the track itself isn't bad. it's very powering and has memorable, strong lyrics like "the only thing that's stopping me is me". the track feels like someone wanting to become great as they can possibly be but they are plagued with obstacles and downfalls - "the alcohol never lies", "some princes don't become kings", but they recover and keep trying. they're resisting failure. (allusion: it really reminds me of ling yao trying to seek immortality for his country in fmab, ahaha. it fits perfectly. "some princes don't become kings.") the track isn't bad at all, just not my cup of tea. i can really appreciate it.

* hold me tight or don't

i don't have much to say about this track, im not too big of a fan of latin themed music but it's a nice poppy song with lovesick lyrics that go deeper than usual pop love songs. i've grown to really enjoy it. to me it sounds like someone desperately holding onto a lost relationship and being pretty frustrated with how their significant other treats them, but they're so obsessed they don't want to leave. 

* wilson (expensive mistakes)

when i first heard this song on a live recording i fell absolutely in love, the music sounds nothing like i've ever heard before and it's truly captivating. and when i heard it live myself, oh wow. it was amazing. i've seen someone else say this, can't remember who, but they said they believed it was touching on how irrational people with manic/bipolar depression can be. once again, i have personal experience from my grandfather and i really do believe that's what they're trying to do. "i hate all my friends." this is sort of personal and i don't usually talk about mental illness, but this for me personally reminds me of how my grandpa nearly convinced my dad into touching an electrical unit that would have killed him. but when he's on his medication for his bipolar disorder, he loves my dad. i believe the same concept is used here, the narrator doesn't actually hate his friends, the disorder convinces him he does whenever it kicks in. also the secondary title (expensive mistakes). this could be referencing how people with bipolar disorder have a lot of trouble managing their money and often splurge. my grandpa went ahead and bought 2 grave sites for himself and my grandma during one of his episodes. it's not a nice thing to witness.

* church

this song immediately grabbed my intention as soon as i saw the title. i love the music and choir in this song so much, butch's (their producer) bass line is very nice and i love listening for it. also i adore the "if death is the last appointment then we're all just sitting in the waiting room" part. it's a little repetitive but not in a generic way like champion, it has a lot of other things going along in it. - i'm not religious whatsoever but i love religious imagery - it's so fascinating and it's very easy to manipulate it into something twisted. i feel like church is simply referencing how people do absolutely absurd things for their faith and the narrator is willing to do all of those things for their significant other. they are holy. a deity. - or maybe it's just about sucking dick. 

* heaven's gate

when i saw the title track for this song i was hoping we were gonna get some more cult related lyrics. unfortunately not really, but there is a couple that may be referencing it.  "out of my body, and flying above." the heaven's gate cult believed that the body was merely a vehicle your being, (i don't know if they used the word "soul") would essentially leave and enter the next stage in existence, away from earth, possibly on an aircraft, reunited with god. the other one is "go in the world and start over again and again, as many times as you can" the cult believed that god came as a human on earth to warn those of when the world would be recycled, or, restarted. once as jesus, the second as applewhite. a little farfetched, but it's something to consider. - it could also just mean you keep trying to keep your faith but you just don't make the cut for heaven, hinted at in the following lines after it. overall i really enjoyed this song, "boost", like i said, took a little getting used to but it's alright. i really love the music and the bridge is amazing. it's nice to see them incorporate other genres.

* sunshine riptide

this song immediately became my favourite when i heard the previews  - i absolutely love the reggae and i think burna boy did an excellent job. he really spices up the track. this song sounds really pleasant but it's got some of the deeper lyrics on the album in it, blatantly talking about pills, drinking and smoking. it sounds as if this song is guiding you through a manic episode but using substances to mask it - as many do. it has a heavy narcissistic feel to me, burna boy even calls himself "god" at the first part of his verse. it also touches on relationships again, possibly blaming them for the cause of all of their emotions. "you came in like a wave when i was feeling alright." give this song more credit, it deserves it. it truly is a riptide, it's so aggressive and it has so much stuff going on in it.

* bishops knife trick

here it is, my favourite. this song - i can't even explain how much i love this song. it's like a slow rock ballad with a modern twist, it's so beautiful. the bridge makes me break down into tears almost every time. - sadly i feel like this song may be referencing pete's suicide attempt - "these are the last blues we're ever gonna have" - and you probably all are aware what blues mean. ativan. also "im just a full tank away from freedom" i feel like this could be referencing a full bottle of pills to death, but that may be stretching it. on a lighter note, this is totally chicago is so two years ago part 2, just on a sadder note. it's an amazing closer to the album.

many people say mania is too jumbled and inconsistent - i do believe this was their intention since bipolar disorder is unpredictable. though, it could have a better arrangement to flow smoother, perhaps they could've made the second listing for the listening experience, and the original for the more artistic presentation of the album.

is mania my favourite album? no. is mania a bad album? no. is it their best? no. do i like it? yes.

overall, i feel like this album was a success and im very grateful for their fearless experimentation. this era has been quite an entertaining, pleasant experience so far. i give it a 7.5/10

[yourprayer]

losers club at christmas hcs

for @kaspdrak <3 

join my 100 celebration!!!

- gonna say this right out the gates bc when its not acknowledged.... im angry

- stan celebrates Hanukkah and the other losers all give him extra presents for it

-  also they love to hear abt hanukkah traditions from stan?? like some of their early days in december are spent sitting around stan’s fireplace drinking cider and listening to him just.. explain the whole holiday & its history 

- stan is very very proud of his heritage and loves that his friends are super respectful and don’t force alternate customs on him (but he most certainly gives them all presents bc he LOVES HIS FRIENDS)

- the losers always have a post-christmas party where they exchange gifts bc they’re all stuck with their families on the actual holidays

- but pre-holidays??? early december??? first snow??? these kids are unstoppable

- im talkin snow men, im talkin sledding down main street, im talkin christmas light competitions

- richie and bill may or may not have blocked off an entire coldesac to build forts for their epic five hour snowball fight

- eddie is obsessed with having the best decorations. this motherfucker will kill to have the best lights on the block

- him and mike team up bc mike is super fast & organized as he staples lights on the roof how?? 

- mike’s family doesn’t really like decorating but they are all for mike helping the others out (and his grandpa actually has a great time when mike takes him on a tour of all the loser’s houses he helped decorate)

- the loser’s driving around in ben’s mom’s car touring christmas lights that are set to radio stations

- eddie’s mom is adamant he Will Get Hypothermia so she bundles him in so many layers he looks like the little brother from christmas story

- which richie talks about for months

- the losers watching christmas story in bills living room 

- “you know im really glad we don’t believe in santa. this guy is fucking creepy”

- “you’re just jealous”

- “jealous of what richie? i get more presents on more days and there aren’t fat angry strangers breaking into my house”

- ben burns everyone mix cds for their presents with songs he thinks they will love

- he has impeccable taste and everyone thinks their mix cds are the bomb

- beverly is the QUEEN of winter fashion

- truly the master of ugly christmas sweaters

- her only competition? eddie, who wears them not to be ironic but because mrs. k makes him

- richie does not know how to dress for the season and is always this close to frostbite & doesn’t even notice

- like this bitch still wears his ratty ass converse in two feet of snow

- bev loves to make everyone pancakes in the mornings after sleepovers, and during christmas time she starts making festive shapes

- ben gets really hype and starts giving her new ideas, like mixing in red and green food coloring

- bill’s bike gets fucked up in the snow quite a few times which gives mike a good excuse to stay over and help fix silver and also hang out with his best fucking friend

- their post-christmas parties are always when parents are out doing after-christmas shopping and last minute family visits so they’re usually unattended

- when they’re seniors richie brings spiked egg nog and they all get trashed in bill’s garage

- christmas crackers with the paper crowns inside (don’t think about how cute richie thinks eddie is in his paper crown)

- everyone gets each other presents bc what kind of friends don’t get each and every one of their pals a damn present

- some of them can’t really afford to go out and buy too many things, but they all regift well (bill’s extended family don’t know him too well so they usually give him random crap, but sometimes he gets something that he thinks his friend will love and saves it for their party)

- bev makes handmade jewelry for the boys every year (they’re all decked out in woven bracelets that will last till they die)

- we’ve already talked about bens cds but i just wanna mention them again bc ben makes the best cds fight me

- mike usually puts together a basket of homemade things from the farm for each of them (bread he baked, jam his grandmother made, wool socks)

- eddie usually gets to shop with his allowance so he gets them each something practical but special

- richie usually doesn’t have any money to get gifts with but he always makes sure to make them all super heartfelt & hilarious cards (which include horrible puns, terrible drawings, and sappy as hell love notes) 

- bill usually regifts or buys them nice things he finds at the mall. honestly psychic with gifts. inventor of the phrase “i saw this and thought of you”

- stan always gets them books. the first party they had he had no idea what to get them because he didn’t know everyone perfectly, so he gave them all old books from his library. they actually played well so every year since he scours used book stores year round to find the perfect book to give

- sometimes they’re joke books (he once gave richie an entire yiddish dictionary because he was being a dick about potato pancakes. richie still uses it regularly)

- speaking of joke gifts, you bet these mother fuckers do a white elephant every year

- bill usually plays nice and puts a good present in, knowing everyone else is going to be savage as fuck

- ben is sometimes kind with his too, putting in something benign like a five dollar bill in a really oversized box. sure it’s a dick to open, but at least he didn’t put underwear in it like richie did one year

- bev and richie are the meanest when it comes to white elephant presents

- like whoever goes the first few rounds avoids the packages richie and bev put in like the plague

- eddie tries to be devious but is actually really bad at coming up with clever shitty presents 

- mike and stan are the kings of putting in the most random crap

- like honestly stan just saves weird shit from his room purges and uses that to confuse the rest of the group

- mike is always a really good sport about getting the crappy presents

- eddie is not

- especially if he gets stuck with whatever richie put in

- “RICHIE I SWEAR TO GOD IF I GET STUCK WITH YOUR USED DEODORANT AGAIN THIS YEAR-”

- “eds, you can’t get gifted something you already have! it’s my toothbrush this time!”

- “e-e-eddie! quit throwing sh-shoes in my house!!”

- ben and bev falling asleep on bills couch at the end of the night in coordinating christmas sweaters bev found

- each of the couples getting each other a small extra present bc they’re in Love

- all of them feeling bad about mike being ‘left out’ so they get him something too

-so mike ends up with dozens of presents at the end of the night and extreme confusion

-but man is he feeling the love

- richie having mistletoe on a stick and holding it over eddies head about every fifteen minutes

- “oh shit eds! we’re under it again! how does this keep happening?!”

- “richie. you’re controlling it.”

- “oh no im sorry i cant hear you over the sound of me being compelled by this unbreakable christmas law”

-”riCHARD”

- bill warning all his friends to avoid his mothers terrible fruitcake

- stan eating it and loving it anyways

- “y-you can eat her f-f-fruitcake without barfing? i kn-knew we were meant to b-b-be”

- the losers at christmas ok

[theycallme-tunathot]

What the Fates Will Allow || [Part 2.]

Seokjin, son of Hestia

Synopsis: Jin’s rising star for being featured on the front page of the zine doesn’t mean he can neglect his gardening. After all, he puts his pants on one leg at a time, just like everyone else. Author’s Note: I hope you guys enjoy this chapter. I really enjoyed writing this. Don’t hesitate to drop some feedback in my inbox, I’m always down to hear it. Gif credit is here.

“So? Eat less and don’t eat after 8 p.m.”

“Hey, you’re face looks familiar.”

Jin wasn’t sure how many times he heard that line over the last three days, but no matter the frequency, it made him glow. Every time he heard it, his ears would perk up and his eyes would sparkle as he turned his attention to the person.

“I’ve been here a while so, you may have seen me around,” he would say meekly. 

But he knew that was the biggest lie he was comfortable telling. Jin knew why his face was so familiar to so many people around the compound this week. Thanks to Hobi who begrudgingly wrote up a story on the approval of the fruit orchard, his picture was splashed across the front page of the zine. And sure, most people were buzzing about the missing Hades recruits, but his face was the only other human face on the page. People were bound to notice him more this week.

Despite his rising fame, Jin wanted to at least retain his old routine. No matter how much accolade he would receive for his communal vegetable garden or the fruit orchard, he couldn’t neglect the care he put into them in the first place. The plants would need water regardless of how many people stopped him to ask about his face.

So as he stooped down in the center of the tomato plants in the communal vegetable garden, he sighed contentedly. With all the welcomed attention, he liked the idea of this semblance of normalcy. Plants didn’t radically change or judge. They gave as much as the reaper and sower put in--nothing more, nothing less. Truly inspiring really, when he really thought about it.

All his life Jin spent his free time growing things. Before he even heard the news about being a demigod, he would beg his father to allow him a few potted plants in his room. I can grow food we can use, he tried to argue. Over a span of four years, Jin successfully wore his father and stepmother down and received an abundance of planters in assorted sizes, seeds of various plants and a beginner’s guide to gardening.

Soon, his plants became too big and less practical for a room, so he convinced his father to allow him a greenhouse. A tiny little space in the backyard is all he needed. But soon he became enchanted with other aspects of plants. Flowers and medicinal herbs soon became equally as interesting as the food he grew.

People said he was a little too obsessed with plants, but he’d beg to differ. Not enough people were obsessed with plants in his humble opinion. They gave so much to people, but most couldn’t even begin to fathom how little they gave back to plants.

“Hey Green Thumb,” Jin heard, breaking him from his steady rhythm of trimming.

Searching for the direction of the voice, Jin’s eyes locked in on a familiar frame. A glistening arm went up to shield his face from the sun as he squinted to get a better look at the person’s face.

“Hobi, you know how much I love that nickname.”

Pretending to be let down, his smile remained as he weaved his way through the various vegetables.

“I keep forgetting that you like to be called Green Thumb,” he mused aloud. “How does Soil Boy sound? Get it? It’s because you’re dirty a lot, but you also work with soil--”

“I get it, it’s just not funny.”

“Oh forgive me, I almost forgot how funny you never were.”

Jin gave an exasperated sigh. He didn’t like when people joked about his humor. While the son of Hestia knew it was his fate to live the rest of his life in a garden, something he was perfectly fine with, he knew he was funny. In fact, everyone knew he was funny. That’s why people always laughed around him.

The eldest laughed with ease, “You’re calling me Green Thumb, but clearly someone else is green.”

Hobi gave out a snarky laugh. “Me? Jealous? Of what?”

“Me and my jokes.”

“What jokes Jin? My grandpa has better jokes and he’s dead.”

“You always say that your grandpa is funnier, but how can I know that if he’s dead? That’s the most useless argument.”

“You know, there was a reason I was visiting, but you’ve angered me so, I don’t even think I can remember now.”

Jin only laughed, looking at the younger demigod. “You mean you weren’t here to see my beautiful face in person? I have to say I look good in print, but you have to admit the real thing is better right?”

It was almost instantaneous how quickly Hobi shook his head, amused.

Hobi was the first real friend Jin made at the compound. Sure, Jin was probably the longest resident and recruit here but he didn’t make friends easily. His personality was too nurturing, too unconditional to allow for genuine friendships to bloom. Regardless of whether anyone intended to be his friend or not, if they needed help, he was more than happy to oblige. It was just in his nature.

So far, Hobi was one of the few people around the compound who didn’t ask for favors. Most people wanted his knowledge on homemade remedies and natural skincare, an ear to vent or wondered if he was in the middle of brewing a pot of tea--the list of things Jin could provide seemingly endless. But not Hobi. The guy just seemed interested in talking to someone who wasn’t obsessed with bringing up their immortal parent every two minutes.

Standing up, Jin decided he needed a break. Unceremoniously, the tall demigod wiped the sweat pooling at his hairline with the back of his arm.

“So, how’re things going? I’m sure you didn’t walk all the way across campus just to see this handsome face--your loss really.”

“I told you, never mind,” Hobi said as he thumbed the leaf of a tomato plant.

“Then why are you still here?”

The orange-haired guy shrugged, glancing back at him before returning his gaze to the slightly damp soil beneath his feet. The silence only dragged on as Jin continued to stare at Hobi for what felt like a lifetime. He was hoping he could wear him down and get Hobi talking. His friend was never one to just drop in without purpose. 

He also never thought his purpose was so inane as to completely abandon it once he arrived, no matter how goofy Jin was acting that day.

Before their conversation could comfortably continue, they were interrupted by a someone who entered the vegetable garden.

“Um, Seokjin--”

“You can just call me Jin,” the demigod replied, the wind ruffling his brown hair into his eyes slightly.

“Sorry. Jin, some people told me you’re the person to go to for herbal medicines.”

Jin’s mouth twisted to the side, lips pursed. “Who said that?”

“Kwangsu.”

“I told you that asshole would say something,” Hobi said, his tone so I-told-you-so that Jin groaned loudly, eyes squeezed shut as he tilted his head back.

Turning to face the visitor, Hobi addressed the girl directly. “Kwangsu is mistaken.”

“No, he got that stomach ache remedy from you.”

“And how can you be so sure?” Jin asked, titling his head to the side as he looked at the visitor.

“The infirmary gives you actual medicine.”

“Excuse me!” Jin said, his voice booming over the vegetable garden as he gave the girl an incredulous look. “I’ll have you know that medicinal herbs are just as effective and just as real as the chemically manufactured shit biscuits they call pills.”

The girl only grinned in response as Hobi watched in stunned silence as his friend ratted himself out.

“It’s a good thing you don’t have a big mouth Jin,” Hobi responded before looking back at the girl. “What the fuck are you looking for?”

“I’m having bad indigestion.”

“So? Eat less and don’t eat after 8 p.m.”

The girl only scowled at Hobi. 

In all seriousness, Jin wasn’t supposed to be giving out medicinal herbs--hell, he never got the okay to grow them. But in the Hestia cabin, in his little room, he had so many medicinal herbs growing, he had to find a way to get rid of the fully grown herbs to make room for the new ones. Anyone injured or sick on the compound was supposed to get any medication or treatment from the infirmary, but the few who knew of Jin’s capabilities would seek him and his medicinal herbs out.

“I need medicine,” the girl reiterated to Jin even though her eyes were set on Hobi.

“Are you deaf? He said he doesn’t--”

“What are you symptoms?” Jin interrupted Hobi.

“I told you, it’s indigestion.”

“I know, but sometimes that can be a misdiagnosis on your part and I don’t want to give you herbal medicine that doesn’t treat what you have.”

The girl stuttered out a few symptoms, her tone sounded unsure and questioning. And that’s when her facade began to break down and Hobi shook his head, folding his arms over his chest.

“You Dionysus recruits are so full of shit,” Hobi replied, making Jin’s eyes widen.

“Hobi--”

“When’s the big party then?”

The girl tried to pass off a confused look but as Jin squinted his eyes, focusing on her, he could see she was unsure of how to lie about needing his herbal medicines.

“I don’t know what you mean,” she stuttered out, her eyes sliding from Hobi to Jin and then back to Hobi.

The Hermes recruit sighed deeply, unamused and unimpressed.

“You act as if I haven’t written a story on this before. I know you’re trying to get wormwood herbs out of Jin.”

“What!” she shouted. “Why? Why would I do that?”

Jin felt his eyebrows furrow deep on his forehead as he looked her over. “Because wormwood herbs, when concentrated, can make absinthe.”

Jin didn’t know much about absinthe, but he knew with a bottle of hard alcohol, some wormwood and 26 hours, the Dionysus recruits would have a full-blown absinthe beverage available for a party--something that has happened before, thanks to having the herb on hand to treat digestive problems and menstrual cramps.

Instead of feeling upset or angry that the girl would lie, he almost felt sorry to have to turn her away. “I’m sorry...I can’t actually help you out. Those herbs are only used for medicinal purposes, besides the amount I give out now wouldn’t be enough for you to make absinthe. It only really works for three cups of tea.”

The girl’s expression drastically changed from mild confusion and extreme uncertainty to desperation. Jin, for a solitary moment, felt bad. If he could help, he would. But after the fiasco last time he gave out copious amounts of wormwood herbs and the fact that he wasn’t given the go-ahead for any of this, the risk wasn’t worth it. Especially for a girl he hardly knew.

“I can’t go back empty-handed.”

Hobi gave an unimpressed huff, “Not his problem, I’m afraid.”

Without another word, she turned around and timidly left the vegetable garden.

“I swear I hate Dionysus recruits--they’re such assholes,” Hobi complained.

“Hobi--”

“That girl was about to pretend like she was sick to get wormwood herbs off of you.”

“But still, you were kind of harsh don’t you think?”

Hobi gave a blank stare, blinking twice before shaking his head. “I could’ve said a lot worse than that.”

“Trust me, I know,” Jin quickly added. “Are you sure nothing is bothering you that you want to talk about? Is that why you showed up?”

The orange-haired demigod rolled his eyes as he quarter-turned away from Jin. “Didn’t you listen to me earlier? I said nevermind. Besides, don’t you have food to shove into your face? I know it’s been at least five minutes since your last big meal.”

It was a well-known fact about Jin. He ate well. No matter what he was doing or how busy he got, Jin would eat regardless. But this was obviously a deflection tactic Hobi enlisted to get his nurturing friend to change the subject.

Jin gave one of his knowing looks, the kind that really ate at Hobi’s patience. After all, Hobi wanted to keep as much distance as he could from that prying stare Jin could perfectly deliver anytime he felt like someone was hiding something from him. Just as Hobi swore he wouldn’t crack, he could feel the mounting stress and realized that he came here because the last few days hadn’t been the most comfortable.

He needed someone to talk to.

“What’s your mom like?”

The question was so abrupt Jin hesitated for several seconds, trying to process something he never heard Hobi question or talk about.

Glancing at his friend, Jin could see something was bothering him. Was that really why he asked such a question?

“You never ask--”

“I know, I know,” Hobi said, holding a hand up as his friend’s eyes scanned the vegetable garden. “Someone asked me about mine and I just…”

“Everyone asks each other about their parents though,” Jin pointed out, trying to remind Hobi of why he chose to hang around Jin most of the time.

Hobi shook his head, “This wasn’t just someone--bad wording on my part.” For a few seconds, Hobi looked deep in thought. Jin was starting to feel worried before he finally said something. “Director Yoo asked a question about him. It just had me thinking is all…”

Jin’s face softened considerably. At least five days passed since his meeting with Director Yoo about his Hades block story and of all the things they discussed, it seemed only one thing left its mark with his orange-haired friend. Hobi wasn’t usually like this though, Jin contemplated. He was the best out of everyone around the compound with his parental issues. In fact, one could argue Hobi was strangely accepting of the idea of never meeting his father.

“He doesn’t owe me a visit or anything else, does he?” he said during their first conversation.

But at the moment, it looked like not knowing him was burrowing under Hobi’s skin.

“She was soft,” Jin stated, his voice growing thinner as he contemplated the memory. “The softest I ever felt. She was the mom I always wanted but never had.”

Jin could almost see her now. The soft glow that seemed to radiate from somewhere deep inside of her. The way she touched his cheek and said his name, her voice as smooth and rich as warm honey. It was like she was proud of him, but he couldn’t even remember what there was to be proud of.

“That moment can last a lifetime,” he continued with a gentle smile. “I could never see her again and that would be alright because in that one moment she was the greatest thing I’d ever seen.”

Life wasn’t always easy for the happy-go-lucky guy. He grew up with a mom who was always spiteful of him. He wasn’t her child but she was expected to take care of him as if he were. His father never seemed motivated to step in when the verbal abuse from his “mother” became too much, which led to the guilt that gave him the greenhouse and the endless supply of funds for Jin to continue taking care of plants and the garden. The greenhouse was the only place he could truly escape to. He was picked on at school, hated at home and ignored by his dad.

Despite the mistreatment from the woman he had to call mom, Jin didn’t hate her. No, how could he really? When she married his father, his father promised she wouldn’t have to raise Jin. But when his son turned out to be soft, gentle-hearted, kind, nurturing and everything his father couldn’t deal with, his father pushed for his new wife to raise him.

So when Jin found out one day after passing out in the greenhouse that he was connected to something higher than the ever-growing obsession with plants, he felt changes. He felt different. He could almost feel the earth and the plants around him. Was that even the right word? It wasn’t like the plants talked to him--that made no sense. But he could feel them, empathize with their struggles or rejoice in their blooming happiness in the sun. All he ever wanted to do after that moment was take care of the people around him, something he felt most of his life but never did because he felt like he didn’t know how. Now he did. 

Things made sense all of a sudden. And that’s when his true mother visited. In all her beautiful glory, she explained how much potential he truly had and how much she mourned that she couldn’t be by his side everyday. Although she couldn’t be there for him, she did say she was always watching him. And that made Jin feel somewhat complete.

So someone did care, he thought to himself. It was enough to help him endure the trashiness of his life, the daily reminder that he wasn’t worthy of his “mom’s” love, the silence from his father and the teasing from kids at school. He could withstand it all now that he was certain someone actually cared about what he did in life.

It was this completeness, this satisfactory high that Jin wished everyone could feel.

Hobi gave a half-smile, one that crept into the different crevices of his face, but never really settled in his eyes.

“She sounds lovely.”

The smile on Jin’s face only became softer, “She is.”

“How often does Hestia visit?”

In response, the demigod’s broad shoulders bobbed up in a shrug as he looked over the garden. “I don’t really keep up with it, but I think a few times a year,” he answered. “It seems kind of random to me.”

This was the truly cruel reality about being a demigod. It wasn’t fair, in Jin’s opinion. Some saw their parents frequently while others went their entire lives without ever meeting them. It just didn’t seem right to have a kid, dump them into the world and never visit.

Being a demigod wasn’t always this hard or easy depending on the individual, but there was always an emptiness before one found out. Everyone started with a void that could easily swallow them whole, but the void got smaller for Jin when Hestia first visited. He couldn’t imagine how large some people’s voids became with the lack of contact with their deity parent.

This made Jin wonder just how big the void was for Hobi.

“Do you ever want to meet Hermes?” the taller demigod asked, stooping once again to prune a few of the potato plants.

As Hobi thought about his reply, he looked over the entire garden. “Some days I do, other days I don’t see the need. It’s not like it’ll change much of anything.”

“That’s where I think you’re wrong,” Jin retorted.

“Enlighten me then.”

“I’m not saying it’ll be true for you, I’m just saying meeting your dad might change a few things.”

“Will I still have to work out of the mail room?”

“You know you could’ve asked to work with travel arrangements for missions right?”

Hobi rolled his eyes. “This is exactly why I hate talking to you sometimes, you don’t get it.”

Jin only laughed in response, amused at how annoyed his friend was.

“And what’s not to get? You got to choose from the mail room, travel arrangements and travel documents and you chose the mail room.”

“I don’t want to be stuck on this compound forever,” Hobi countered, finally looking down at his broad-shouldered friend. “What use am I on the compound if I don’t actually go on missions or do much of anything that’s worth doing?”

“I’ve never left the compound, and look how meaningful my work is.”

“I’m not saying I don’t do anything meaningful, I just want to go on missions, help out. I didn’t inherit athleticism from my dad for nothing.”

“But you get to use that in intramural sports.”

Jin was meant to help, but Hobi was only feeling worse about his position now. The only place he got to use his speed and agility was with an intramural basketball team made up of Zeus kids who just loved to boast about being the offspring of the king of the gods.

“And you don’t see anything wrong with that statement,” Hobi said, shaking his head.

Off in the distance, Jin heard his name being yelled. Someone was running toward them, someone who looked oddly familiar. As she got closer, Jin stood, recognizing her immediately.

“Y/N?” Hobi asked, stating the very question Jin had.

By the time she came to a full stop, Jin was looking her over. Skin flushed from all the running, she was hunched over, breathing heavily and doing everything in her power to steady herself again.

“I just saw you yesterday. Did the tea not work?” Jin asked, worried that something was wrong.

When Y/N finally looked up, Hobi and Jin both looked worried. There was a fear in her eyes that both could sense. Something must’ve been wrong.

“It’s Hades block.”

Hobi immediately jumped in, grabbing the reporter notebook he carried in his back pocket at all times and sliding the pen from between the wire ream. “What about Hades block?”

“Someone was just taken.”

Masterlist

[garden-ghoul]

the... hobblog...

“no I’ll come up with a better name for it, possibly”

special thanks to vv who has continued to support my addiction, by which I mean has continued to push more tolkiens into my hands, the better to addict me. And now without further ado LET’S GET STARTED! with

AN UNEXPECTED PARTY

No sorry false alarm, before we do that I want to talk about this kind of puzzling note on the 2nd edition.

[In chapter 5] the true story of the ending of the Riddle Game, as it was eventually revealed (under pressure) by Bilbo to Gandalf, is now given according to the Red Book, in place of the version Bilbo first gave to his friends, and actually set down in his diary. This departure from truth on the part of a most honest hobbit was a portent of great significance.

I honestly can’t tell whether they’re saying that he changed the end of chapter 5 from real events to fake coverup events, or vice versa, or another third thing. If anyone can enlighten me on this, say, someone who obsessively studies the revision history of Tolkien’s works, hmu.

AN UNEXPECTED PARTY

We spend the first couple paragraphs describing what a hobbit hole is. My favorite part is that all the best rooms are on the left side, because there aren’t any windows on the right. I am sensing that this hill is quite a bit larger than the cute little “we draped some sod over a house” sized hill from the movies. Tolkien also does this charming self-interrupting style of thing, where halfway through a sentence he pretends he just remembered that you, the reader, don’t actually know what a hobbit is because it’s something he made up. Grandpa Johnald is telling you a story but he’s only an Okay storyteller.

I suppose hobbits need some description nowadays, since they have become rare and shy of the Big People, as they call us.

Oh okay this explains a FEW things I was indignant about. Hobbits weren’t always shy and good at disappearing, maybe. It’s a device to explain why you, a 10-year-old child sitting next to the stove, have never seen one even though they are totally real. Probably I am OVERSELLING the point that this is a children’s book in my analysis. Whatever. We spend a bit of time on Bilbo’s pedigree: his mother is Belladonna Took (the best name) daughter of the Great Took, which explains why Bilbo is a little weird.

One morning Bilbo is sitting on his stoop smoking a preposterously long pipe (it reaches down to his neatly brushed toe-hair, which, holy shit, why do we never hear about hobbits grooming their toe-hair) when Gandalf turns up. “Good morning,” says Bilbo, who is happy.

“What do you mean good morning?” asks Gandalf, who is feeling pedantic and possibly grouchy. Then he lists some options, because it’s in his programming to be helpful. It turns out that he’s grouchy because he’s in a great hurry to find someone who will do adventures but everyone around here is, well, a hobbit.

“Pity,” says Bilbo, and pointedly starts reading his mail.

“I’m Gandalf,” says Gandalf.

Bilbo immediately regurgitates a bunch of Gandalf Stories he’s heard. ‘You will notice already that Mr. Baggins was not quite so prosy as he liked to believe, also that he was very fond of flowers.’ Hehehe. He seems excited about “adventures” in theory but in practice wants nothing to do with them.

Gandalf threatens promises to take him on one anyway. It will be very amusing for me, Gandalf assures him. Bilbo runs inside and tries not to slam the door, because one doesn’t offend a wizard.

The next day he remembers he accidentally invited Gandalf for tea when he answers the door, but Gandalf is Dwalin the dwerrow now. (I’m experimenting with blogging The Hobbit and only using ‘dwerrow’ just to see what it would have been like). Dwalin comes in and starts hanging up his stuff, and so Bilbo has no choice but to uncertainly invite him in for tea. Another knock comes on the door while they’re having tea, but it’s still not Gandalf. It’s another dwerrow named Balin, who declares himself at Bilbo’s service.

"Thank you!" said Bilbo with a gasp. It was not the correct thing to say, but they have begun to arrive had flustered him badly. He liked visitors, but he liked to know them before they arrived, and he preferred to ask them himself. He had a horrible thought that the cakes might run short, and then he-as the host: he knew his duty and stuck to it however painful-he might have to go without.

This passage is cute. Bilbo’s social anxiety has lain dormant his entire life because he was never stressed out enough to notice it, because Hobbiton is incredibly boring. Anyway Bilbo doesn’t know what to do with interlopers, so he’s just extremely polite and gives them anything they want. Ya pushover. As more dwerrows arrive he gradually gets more polite, if not less stupidly agreeable.

Bilbo is so stressed by the logic puzzle about getting all his guests the thing they want to eat and drink that he opens the door really hard the next time, and four dwerrows fall on their faces on his doormat. One of them is Thorin, who is Very Important, and he’s pissed about this kind of welcome, but Bilbo apologizes so many times that Thorin eventually goes “please don’t worry about it.” Also Gandalf. Another fun thing I want to mention is that the dwerrows who have already come in are talking local politics ( “the depredations of dragons...”) and it makes me wonder if they’re like, not all from the same place? Is this a long-awaited reunion for them? Have most of them been away on business?

Bilbo has to run around serving the dwerrows and gets very irritated. “Confusticate these dwerrows!” he says out loud. Fili and Kili come to help bring in the plates. After a while they have to clear the table, and all the dwerrows start singing in unison either an astonishingly well-improvised or a troublingly well-researched song about how annoyed Bilbo is with their careless treatment of his dishes. Like I get that this is a musical and they’re not literally performing an impromptu musical number, but still. I like to think that Gandalf told them exactly what Bilbo Baggins Hates so they could threaten to do it. When they come back they all bring out their instruments, every one of them plays an instrument. Thorin plays harp, which means that he is my new favorite.

I did record an impromptu rendition of the song the dwerrows sing, but you don’t get to hear it because I remembered that it requires FILE FORMAT CONVERSION. Unless you twist my arm (“ask me to post it”). Bilbo likes it a lot though, it makes him feel the Adventure Emotion. Thorin refuses to let Bilbo turn on a light Because Dwerrows. Bilbo knocks something over because it’s dark, and Gandalf shushes him. Rude.

"Gandalf, dwerrows and Mr. Baggins! We are not together in the house of our friend and fellow conspirator, this most excellent and audacious hobbit - may the hair on his toes never fall out! all praise to his wine and ale! -" He paused for breath and for a polite remark from the hobbit, but the compliments were quite lost on poor Bilbo Baggins, who was wagging his mouth in protest at being called audacious and worst of all fellow conspirator, though no noise came out, he was so flummoxed.

Cute! May the hair on his toes never fall out! Thorin is much nicer when he’s drunk. Thorin goes on in a long-winded and self-important manner, but does mention that “none of us are going to come back,” whereupon the dwerrows find Bilbo having a panic attack on the rug. He is fierce as a dragon when he’s roused, Gandalf assures them. I am strongly reminded of that time Shou was like “no no Shigeo will make a GREAT attack dog you just have to kill her entire family so she’ll be mad!” Luckily for Bilbo, he doesn’t have a family at the moment. So! Tolkien takes a brief paragraph to note that one of Bilbo’s ancestors, Bullroarer Took, invented golf by accident while murdering goblins in a truly horrible way.

Bilbo, foolishly, really wants the dwerrows’ good opinion, so he says “I’ll do whatever it takes to prove myself to you!” Nobody thinks he will be a good burglar at all, except Gandalf. Do we ever find out why Gandalf chose him for this? They’ve never actually met before.

Thorin gets out a map and starts expositing at it, in a mumble. They’re trying to come up with a plan of attack for Smaug, and they ask Bilbo’s opinion, as Expert Burglar. Since he is nothing of the sort he asks “um, what’s going on?” (but with a lot of fancy words) and hopes they’ll forget he’s supposed to know anything. Thorin tells the story of Smaug’s coming, but like, it’s really clear he’s using the song as a template for his story. He uses all the same imagery and everything.

Gandalf tells about how he got the map from Thorin’s father (who he sprung from Dol Guldur) and then went off in search of Thorin to deliver it. Bilbo tries one last time to get out of going, and then everyone goes to sleep. This was a particularly dense chapter so no more for tonight.

[lovesick-melancohlic]

I don't feel like I actually exist. Once upon a time I felt like I did. When I didn't see the truth. How much of a cruel bastard this world has been to me. I used to live with my mom. Step dad. They were happily married. After it broke, I lost my home. My cats. Had to live with mom. Mom's not very nice to me. Mom got a boyfriend, or a few. What's one, what's three, or two? To me they were all the same. Now as I have grown up, she says it was my fault they divorced. That I told her he threw things at me. I was a kid, he threw things. I thought he threw them at me. I didn't understand he threw the things to the side. I thought it was directed at me. But it wasn't. He was just frustrated at me being a brat and swatted things off of their posture like any cat does. The new step dad? He's pretty cool. Funny. But I never connected or bonded with him. Thought I was just part of the package. Who the hell wants a kid with mood swing personality issues, ADHD and Autism? So I thought. My mom couldn't handle how hyperactive I was. How many tantrums I had. I didn't have friends. I was weird. I liked anime, while nobody else knew what that shit was. Yeah. Crazy to see anime interests and video games to be a rare interest. I often was left to play in my room. Where else does a kid go if there's no other kids to play with? Nothing fun to do. Nobody to be friends with. Me, Gameboy Advance, and N64. Most of my day became filled with those games or my chores which weren't by any means an option and got dirtier every day no matter how much I cleaned. My mom and grandma made sure my birthdays were awesome. But.... Other than that every day was really lonely. Depressing. It kept getting worse. One day, my uncle died. I felt nothing at the time because... I didn't understand emotions. Didn't understand what death was. He was just sleeping to me. My mom was destroyed by his death. Her heart broke. She was mad at me for not being able to cry. Took it out on me verbally. Begging me to show emotions. Then came in the emotions. Before they were ready to be developed. They flooded in. I became depressed to a dangerous level. More mood swings. Grandma had a heart attack for gods could only count how many times she's had them. I started to hate my mom. I only wanted to go back to school. So I could draw. And learn. And talk to other kids. My meds I was prescribed for my ADHD and whatever else made me gain 80 pounds slowly over time and messed up my mood swings once again. Same shit different sun and moon. One day, I was too much. She wanted to give me up for adoption or to a group home. To this day I say adoption because that's what I remember but she says she meant group home......

...Like group home is any less worse. My first puppy died too in my step dad's arms. My second batch of twin cats were given away. The other cat was given away. Things constantly were taken away as punishment because she wanted to ever avoid hitting me. I wasn't allowed to do a whole lot and at this point, her giving me up like that was pain. But grandma took me in. As if her own. She could of gone to any amazing retired people only mobile home park, but she went to a place I too could go. We been a team ever since. My grandpa passed away. The family once again despite it's smallness quaked with grief as the circle shrunk. His music was beautiful. He even became kinda famous. Found out lots of wild family secrets from various sources and those secrets aren't exactly anything like murder dark but you'd be surprised who people really are. They can act alright. Now those secrets weren't enough. I would hold on for why? Not even I knew. I just did. I had a little brother. Oh hoho. I love that little punk. At first? I didn't. I actually disliked him because that's all my family ever talked about as if I didn't exist. As he grew up, I threw my petty envy/jealousy aside. Said this is my little brother. He's going to be my sunshine light that keeps everything brighter.

I begun to love that kid more than anything. He means so much to me. I'd try to play it cool and not hug em too much or be too lovey to em because I wanted him to think I was cool. It seemed to of worked. Damn what I wouldn't do for that little one.

Then... The bell of grief and troubles strikes again. Grandma had another heart attack. We didn't think she'd make it. But she did. Strongest woman alive. One month from that she went back to working. I don't know what kind of strength that is but damn that's what I wanted to be. Strong like grandma. Fierce and smart like mom. Kind and understanding gentleman like Poppop Mark. Hell, even funny like my step dad Ken.

Then here came the grief toll again. Mom and my step dad both seem freaking miserable all the time. Mom especially. My little brother too. And there it is, I may not have a little bro around anymore... But maybe mom will be happy and healthy and improve so I thought. I saw her talk with Mark catching up as friends. I never seen him that happy in ages. He truly loved her.

My emotions swirling around in confusion... Where is life going? I've attempted s×ic×de so many times and self harm in the past but surely I was getting better from working hard, right?

I was but.... Here I am.... Still afraid to die alone. Still afraid to be alone. Still afraid to sleep. Because every morning I wake, disaster strikes. I know one day I will awaken to another family member loss. I've been to jail once for a day. I been to rehab before. I been to mental hospitals time and time again.

I have no job. No life. I have a few local friends usually busy. I have some really great internet friends and my boyfriend. But my brain wants more.

I recently had broken up with a boyfriend of mine. Our bills are cranking out stress. The work needed to be done caused my mom to disown me, yell at me, threaten me declination to pay bills for medical, and shook me as she said something transphobic. My step dad? Well my mom said something to me about him cheating I replied. Apparently she hadn't hung up on him. He heard it. So now being around him is awkward. My little bro has 5% BMI which is very unhealthy. Refuses to eat much. Is almost always around mom and my step dad because he lives with them. So me seeing him means me being called my dead name and she/her pronouns. And being around her and him.

Idk what to fuckin do anymore I want a job but I'm on a surgery waiting list.

My life almost constantly was filled with internet drama, shaming, accusations directed at me.

My therapists keep giving up on me.

I feel so disconnected. Dead. I want to hear my friend tell me he doesn't hate me. That he still cares. I want to stop feeling alone. I want to stop having people traumatize me. I want a fucking hug even. But no. I'm fucking dead to the world. No matter how much I try to interact. I just want to be somebody, not a ghost.

But alas, here I go into gaming obsession to simmer the pain. And........ Nobody's online in-game right now.... (Sigh)

Whatever gods there are that rule my life, divines please.

Please help me be happy. Please help me out of this trench. I want to exist to others.

I only exist to people as a monster, toy, or annoyance.... I want to exist on a better note...

Can you blame me for the tears shed,

Audiencia amable?

[davidvsgoliath-blog1]

Nathan’s Voice

I want to preface everything I say in this blog are entirely true events as I remember them. Whether you believe me or not is entirely up to you. I think the people from his past that knew him best will back up my story. Nathan was and is loved by many. His early and untimely death had meaning all along. The problem is selfish greed gets in the way, essentially interrupting God’s real message for bringing him home so soon. 

Nathan was born April 2nd, 1979. He was born and raised in Aberdeen, SD. Nathan excelled at playing the guitar and singing. I remember being at church service where he would take over the entire service with his talent and grace. This kid had talent and a light that was unexplained. He had a glow that would brighten any room. I used to be so envious of Nathan. I thought of him as such a high standard to live up to within my adoptive family. Nothing was ever personal against him, but if you have followed me at all you know why this might cause jealousy for me. I also was jealous of how good he got along with my dad. My dad talked so highly of him. He told a story about when a car cut him off and he had Nathan as a little boy in the backseat. He said that he chased the man down and beat him down. This jealousy never stopped me from idolizing, looking up to, and wanting Nathan as my brother, however. In fact I needed Nathan. He was the ultimate buzz kill to a self righteous family. He didn’t give a shit about what the family thought of him. He seemed happy flipping the bird to hypocrites. What a beautiful rebel! He would come to grandma and grandpas with a Dead shirt on and long hair. He would bring friends over to hang out that my family would deem not up to their standards. How sick? Right? Self righteous ignorance to the fullest, with the only love being money and a new car or house. I loved getting picture cards every year all year of my family and their vacations. I was like my dad struggles to pay bills and you freaks rub our nose in it with your new vacations. Real Christian of you! 

I’ll never forget September 13, 1997 for as long as I breathe. It was the worst day of my life. My dad came into my room and said “Chris! Nathan is dead! Hes fucking dead and it’s my fault!” My dad went into the bathroom and i heard the shower come on. It was early in the morning, but I was in shock. I was 10 years old, and death wasn’t much of reality yet. I could hear my dad screaming and pleading why!? He would punch the wall and scream. It still didn’t sink in that he was truly gone. I thought well if anyone can beat death it’s Nathan. God would never take such a beautiful soul so early. He had just turned 18, and was only a few months removed from graduation. We immediately drove from Watertown Sd to Aberdeen sd that morning. My dad was familiar with the crash site because he grew up in Aberdeen and is familiar with the surroundings. That’s when we saw the skid marks. We saw the bridge had been damaged, and we put together theories of how the crash happened. The declaration among my righteous family is, he simply fell asleep. It was so early in the morning he must’ve been beyond tired. Right? Great story, but I have a different take on the actual events and what might have happened. I’m basing my findings on my own research, quotes from my mom and dad, and my PHD in addiction.

This is where it all started for me. My road to bring Nathan’s voice to life started the very night we went to see his body. I had never been to one of these places. To be honest the smell of the room made me feel uneasy. I saw people crying and weeping. I saw people holding each other and trying to comfort one another. I wasn’t interested in comfort. I could see the casket from a distance and knew it was becoming more real by the second. Out of nowhere my aunt Lee Anne came to take me to “see” Nathan dead up close and personal. I remember in the background there was a stereo playing Casey Jones by Grateful Dead. If you know the lyrics you would be like me, “why is this playing here of places?” So I get up to the casket trembling. I see Nathan lying there asleep. A deep sleep that looked very peaceful in that moment. He was dressed nicely with corduroy pants. a shirt unbuttoned so you could see his hemp necklaces. As I write this right now Touch of Grey has hit my headphones. If you knew Nathan you would understand how non coincidental that is. Anyway, back to Nathan’s casket. I was examining Nathan piece by piece , and trying to construct in my mind how I would sneak him to safety. However, my aunt Lee Anne had a great idea that should never be taught to a child. She says “ go ahead you can touch him”. I thought well to be honest I would like to shake him back to life or give him CPR. So I settled for just touching his forearm. I instantly felt the cold. I felt the corpse that once was Nathan. Nathan was not in this vessel, and it hit me like a freight train. I nearly dropped to my knees from what seemed like an electric shock. I instantly burst in to waterfalls of tears and ran into the other room where I felt I could hide and dry this rush of water from my eyes. I never believed he would die. He was too perfect. My life from that moment on was changed. Life on earth became reality, and reality became hell on earth.

The reason I’m telling this story isn’t to shame anyone. It isn’t to make anyone to blame for what happened to Nathan, but he(knowing his heart would want this told if it meant saving others would want this story across the world). Nathan, ironically had a beautiful singing voice. If he had lived on this earth longer you would be blessed by his voice. He played guitar and sang in a band called I believe Muddles Puddles. Sorry Nathan if I’m wrong. I would ask the family, but they hate me for speaking the truth. See at the beginning I mentioned how Nathan fell asleep and crashed his car and died. Well, that could be entirely true, however, there’s more to that thesis. Here’s what my family leaves out. His dad thought covering the fact he was addicted to heroin and possibly other drugs was ideal. You see what I’m getting at is this. In my family, and hundreds to thousands of families across the earth have a motto for addiction. Its deemed immoral and something that if known inside their “perfect” family they will disassociate themselves from your life as if you’re a virus. I know this first hand. I’m writing this because Nathan wasn’t perfect. Nathan felt unnecessary pressure, and most likely very similar mental disabilities I went and struggle through. He had to hide his problem, because to make it known would bring shame and disappointment to this “self righteous” family. This is a battle cry for all silenced sufferers. Silenced by the self righteous, ignorant, and hypocrites. See in my family my other aunt had sex with one of my best friends. She did it numerous times on numerous occasions. That’s a cool secret I no longer want to harbor. Sorry, but shaming me and isolating me wasn’t very nice family of mine. What you did to my dad and sister is disgusting. Nathan having to hide his true feelings is what lead him to self medicate and eventually die. Just my opinion though. No one knows the true story. I have audio of my mom telling me that the idea was to protect NATHAN’s legacy and so my grandparents wouldn’t know he was such a “loser”. Well, in doing so not only has his legacy been wrongfully portrayed, but you can’t find a damn thing on Google about him. Google Nathan Engelhart. I know he died in 1997, but he has VHS tapes of his concerts(I know I’ve watched them). I’m confused how my rich family cant figure out how to convert VHS to a file to post all over the internet. I used to brag to my friends about how his voice was like Kurt Cobain’s. What a shame those tapes are collecting dust or in some box somewhere. Sorry I didn’t commit suicide or die like you all wanted. Sorry I’ve defeated the obsession to kill myself over the opinions of selfish aholes.

 Nathan gave me something special that day I touched his refrigerated body. He gave me a sign it felt like. I even carried his obituary and senior picture in my wallet until they literally disintegrated many years later. My dad blamed himself for what happened to Nathan. I blamed God and asked why Nathan would be so tired. Well, since I was saved by God I can tell you I no longer believe in coincidence or bullshit stories. I only believe in truth and morality. The real problem is my family nearly pushed me to commit suicide because of my alcoholism. I was already adopted and had no other family and these pricks thought rubbing my nose in their greed was funny. Rubbing my dad’s nose in their greed to the point they turned him evil. I don’t even recognize him anymore. I will forgive him though. I love him, and although he failed me he doesn’t know what he was doing to me. You will all no longer hide. I will take an ad out in Aberdeen News for this for Nathan. I like how I now just find out my dad was repeatedly molested at 8 years old by a man. Where was his brothers and sisters? Mom? DAD? No wonder he suffered and felt like committing suicide when I was 16 might be a good idea. He left a note that my sister found. I’m still mad at my dad for being so vile to me, but I have a whole new outlook with the fact he was also silenced. I also just learned since we are on the topic of silence my mom was raped repeatedly by her sister Cassie’s boyfriend at the time when she was 14. My aunt beat my mom up daily until my mom attempted suicide, then she had compassion to stop. LOL This is another one of my self righteous aunts who’s obviously a hypocrite. If you hate me then it’s because you have things to hide or are immoral. If you hate what I say it’s because you are of this world and love only money and material. I on the other hand love the afflicted and bullied spirits. The persecuted and silenced, I’m the bullies bully. I have not one evil bone in my body. Discernment isn’t an issue for me anymore. Even killing spiders has even become a challenge for me. I used to make sure their kids kids felt my smashing. 

This is a story about what happens when people are silenced. My girlfriends mom lost her life to it. Even Bailey herself wanted to die daily. My mom has been a wrecking ball of pain and suicide. My dad made the plans and wrote the note. I myself tried repeatedly to do so through overdose or the threat of a shotgun blast. My main plan was just jumping in front of a semi so I wouldn't feel a thing. I was tired of pain, the last thing I wanted was a painful suicide. I want people to know that they aren’t alone. This cycle can end. They should feel the freedom that comes with unconditional love, complete forgiveness, and understanding. Just basic human compassion mixed with empathy. Treat others how you would want to be treated. Why does society accept silence and corruption? I have the answer and it’s blatant. It’s satan. This world is fallen, and without knowing Jesus personally I feel bad for you. I’m a soul on fire and a voice for the silenced. Especially the deceased who deserve just as much of a voice as any living being. Nathan would want people to be saved by his story. Nathan may not have even been classified an addict, but based on the fact my uncle went to Nathan’s (then wrecked) vehicle to grab a special coveted cd player, or to grab the large quantity of drugs hidden behind it. One might question? Who’s legacy is really being protected? Nathan’s(Considering he exists nowhere until now) Or the people who dropped the ball? You be the judge, but based on my own experience with this family dynamic I have no need to debate. Nathan I love you, and I hope I can get your footage of your concerts and pictures to show your talents to the world. You will never be dead to me! You are still an inspiration in my life, and I thank you dearly! I miss you!