#truly is the worst time to be alive when the most hyped up game is out and everyone is playing but you. but also 10x worse bc

[deadrlngers]

choking on blood and holding back tears. so glad to see everyone on my dash is enjoying bg3

[yoonpobs]

bad boy good thing vii.

pairing: jeon jungkook x oc

genre: angst, smut, fluff, miscommunication (we hate her lol), pining

warnings: smut, jungkook is really an asshole, the angst hurts a lot tbh, unhealthy relationships (?)

words: 4, 627

summary: a series of drabbles where you're confused and jungkook's confusing

Despite being friends with three (well, now four) people on the football team—you didn’t fancy attending football games at all. It was highly unlike the usual scene you were comfortable with. It was loud, rowdy and people didn’t understand the concept of personal space when they’d shove and push others aside just to get a better glimpse of the players on the field.

Yet, you attended every single one of the football games—and you were a familiar enough face that the coach smiles at you when you hover outside the changing rooms; a simple request from the captain himself.

You’re a little shocked at yourself at the fact that you had no idea who Namjoon was prior to his introduction. He was the captain of the current football team, which apparently, throughout your college’s history—brought the most wins ever. And, he was also well-known that lecturers applauded him for his impeccable work-to-life balance.

Somehow, the divulgence of your own thoughts makes you frown. Because perhaps you were truly anti-social. You weren’t even acquainted with common school affairs in spite of being apart of the student council.

Maybe Jungkook was right.

You don’t dwell too much on your thoughts because you’re unable to, not when the door slams open and bodies of college men pour out with large shouts and their padded shoulders—looking very much prepared for their game.

The anxiety settles into the pit of your stomach when you realise you stick out like a sore thumb. The jeans and white top you were wearing was quite a typical outfit to wear to a game, with the addition of ironically—a baseball jacket. But when you were definitely smaller than the footballers; it was hard not to feel out of place.

Especially when they look you over before continuing out to the field. While you attended games before, you were never asked to meet in the changing rooms. Jimin and Taehyung knew well enough not to ask you, and Jungkook … well. You were always his dirty little secret, weren’t you?

And you see Jungkook first, grinning like a madman when another footballer brings him into a headlock and hollers something you assume is their hype-cheer.

It isn’t supposed to feel like this. Things were meant to have been settled, but the tight feeling in your chest when you look at him only reminds you that some things were hard to erase.

Before you can look away, Jungkook spots you—and he pushes the arms of his teammate off ever so slightly before turning to him and muttering a few words before he’s stalking towards you.

Your eyes widen, definitely not expecting him to pay you any mind.

“You’re here?” He furrows his brows.

You clear your throat, and you realise navigating a conversation with him after what’s transpired is much harder than you expected it to be. The fact that he was so casual about it when he left you with a kiss on your forehead makes you even more conflicted.

“I am.” You mumble. “I told you, remember?”

Jungkook blinks as if he remembers something, and his expression hardens ever so slightly before he’s schooling his features.

“Yeah.” He breathes. “I knew that. Just didn’t know you’d be … here.”

Here was probably referring to standing outside the changing rooms, and you can’t help but flush at the declaration.

“Um, yeah. Namjoon—” Before you can finish your sentence, you see the captain heading towards you with a large grin; looking over Jungkook for a brief moment.

“You’re here!” His words are exactly the same as Jungkook’s, but it evokes a different set of emotions in your chest.

You smile as sincerely as you can, which is proven difficult when you can feel Jungkook’s gaze on you.

“I am.” And you repeat the same thing you said to Jungkook. It feels odd, but you push the feelings aside. “Good luck, you.”

You offer a small punch to his shoulder, an awkward attempt at supporting him and you almost apologise but Namjoon smiles even wider.

His hand reaches out to your hair, gently patting it as he looks at you fondly. You don’t think anyone’s ever treated you so … tenderly before, not upfront and after one meeting at least. And you’re definitely flustered.

“Thank you. It means a lot that you’re here.” His dimples are on full show when he looks down at you with a kind gaze.

You clear your throat and look away, hoping the dim lights didn’t amplify the blush on your cheeks.

“Of course. We have that exhibition next to look forward to if all else goes South.” You grin cheekily up at him, words still soft.

You hope that your joke doesn’t rub him the wrong way, and it doesn’t because he snorts in response. All while Jungkook is silent.

“That’s a win itself, isn’t it?” He says smoothly, and your eyes widen at his blatant—or at least you think—flirting.

And before you can splutter a response, Jungkook is nudging Namjoon’s arm with his shoulder, the movement slightly rougher with his shoulder pads in place.

“We gotta go, Cap,” Jungkook says stiffly.

Namjoon doesn’t realise the hostility in his tone, but you do. And you frown ever so slightly, but you cover it up when Namjoon looks over at you with an apologetic expression.

“I’ll see you after the game?” He asks, eyes lighting up.

Your lips tilt upwards and you nod your head.

“Yeah.”

Namjoon jogs off first, not before grabbing his protective gear as Jungkook lingers ever so slightly, stuttering in his feet as you have the vision of his back towards you.

You’re about to head towards the bleachers, a spot that Namjoon purposefully reserved for you with help of his coach; but Jungkook turns around and his face is hesitant.

“Will you …” He swallows as you raise an eyebrow at his uncertainty. “Will you cheer for me?”

The question is odd, especially when you know that he’s aware that you were here for Namjoon. Usually, that would imply that you were rooting for him. But, you’ve never been able to say no to Jungkook. Not even when you want him to feel the same hurt you’ve felt.

“What friends are for, right?” You mumble, eyes darting to the ground for a second until you look back up at him again.

What you don’t say is that friends don’t do the things we did, or that there was no manual to teach you how to navigate the throes of your relationship after everything that’s happened. Nor do you tell Jungkook that you’re always cheering him on, but you can’t do it outwardly. Not tonight. Not for a while, too.

Jungkook’s face falls obscurely, but he forces a tight smile before grabbing his protective gear too.

“I’ll look for you,” Jungkook says.

Then he’s off, with a squeeze to your shoulder that leaves your heart feeling a lot heavier.

You ended up sitting next to the school photographer, who you now know as Yena. Prior to this, you’ve heard the student reporter club have a few intense individuals apart of them—word you heard from Yoongi, the President himself—and he was already as intimidating as one could get. But there was Yena, who essentially made people cower in fear when they’d make eye contact with her.

“What are you doing here?” Is the first thing she asks when you slide into your seat. Her tone isn’t condescending, neither was it purposely made to make you feel uncomfortable. Rather, she asked it in a rather bored tone—as if there were better things she could be doing.

“Um.” You squeak.

Yena rolls her eyes, “Relax. I’m not going to bite your head off despite my grotesque appearance. Ever heard of a conversation starter?”

You blink.

“You’re very pretty.” You say softly.

Yena narrows her eyes at you for what seems like forever as you clear your throat. Then, she snorts before patting you on the shoulder.

“I didn’t mean objectively ugly, sweetheart.”

The tilt of her lips make your ears flush and you never found yourself downright intimidated by someone, but there was something about her that made you want to listen to her.

“O-Oh.”

She rolls her eyes. “You’re too nice, _____. Has anyone ever told you that?” She emphasises her point with a tilt of her head.

“N-Not really …” You mumble.

She sighs as she kicks her feet on top of the railings in front of her while her eyes follow the line of footballers that pour onto the field, already moving towards a group huddle.

Her camera is already in her hands when she snaps the shot like second nature, before plopping back into her seat.

“Well, you are. People are gonna eat you alive, you know?” She says pointedly.

You fiddle with your fingers before you find the courage to look at her.

“How did you know who I was?” You wonder out loud with furrowed brows.

Yena scoffs before turning to look at you with a blank expression. And it’s the worst part in you that makes you think that you’ve said something wrong.

“You’re kidding, right?” She deadpans. “Girl who made honours three years in a row? First female student council president? Lecturers pet? Curve-setter? The list goes on, really.”

You flush as you turn your head away.

“I didn’t mean …” You mutter.

She waves you off. “You don’t have to sound so guilty about it. You’re smart and you’re capable. Own it.” She shrugs.

You blink up at her with wide eyes, and for the first time; she properly looks at you and your surprised expression.

“Thank you.” You say softly.

When a whistle blows, the game has somehow started and you have half the mind to begin cheering like the rest of the crowd. But the awkward part of you remains rooted in position.

“So.” Yena leans in with a grin on her face. “Who’s the lucky guy?”

It’s … odd. Purely because you’ve never spoken to her before and you’ve briefly heard about her in passing when you communicate with Yoongi on pastoral affairs. And for someone to speak to you so freely and casually, like you’ve been friends for years—feels nice.

And it’s probably also because you didn’t have any girl friends that you could really trust. People on campus were … they were mean and they usually wanted something from you, whether it was to get to one of your friends or get insights on events so they’d get a boost on their reputation.

“Earth to _____?” She drawls.

You snap your head towards her and your ears turn red once again.

“There’s isn’t … any guy.” You confess.

Yena snorts as if she doesn’t believe you.

“Really now?” Her grin approaches a smile when she rests her chin on her palm. “You know not just anyone sits here, right?”

You shrug. “What about you? Who’s the lucky guy?”

She blinks, then leans back before kicking one leg across her other.

“Photographer pros. Or cons. Especially if you consider watching disgusting men sweat and chase after balls is something to be grateful for.” She rolls her eyes.

You laugh when she complains, and it’s likely the first time you’ve relaxed your shoulders around her.

“That does sound kind of gross.”

She nods her head as if to say right, before offering you a cheeky grin.

Then, her eyes zero onto the field, then back to your face—and eventually back to the field before she hops off her seat once again; waving her camera to signal you that she was going to carry out her duties.

You think Yena’s cool. A little intense, and kind of scary—but a nice person nevertheless. Maybe you were a blind optimist that saw the good in everyone, but there was something about her that you really liked. The kind of person you wish you could become.

The cheers get immensely louder, especially when you note that Jungkook’s scored a goal—his beaming expression displayed on the big screen while you hear girls and guys alike cheering his name.

It’s times like this where you’re reminded of how different you were from him. While he received praise and approval from the masses and was born to be loved by them. You were quite the opposite; the cheerer and the supporter but never quite the one receiving it.

His eyes skim the crowd, and you can see from the screen that his brows furrow ever so slightly. But he’s quick to return to his groove, fist-bumping a teammate along the way.

You sigh because even when you weren’t intentionally looking for him it’s like your heart only wants you to see what’s familiar. And funnily enough, the hurt is familiar too.

In the middle of it all, you try your best to smile—and throw in a small whoop on your own, hoping to blend in but be present enough to be heard.

Yena returns only when it’s half-time, her own body covered in sweat while she huffs, slapping a stray strand of hair away from her face.

“God. You’d think they’d slow down after fifteen minutes but nooo. They have to go flex on their fragile masculinities because they think growling and ripping off their shirts is peak alpha male character.” Yena mutters and it’s the first thing you hear from her.

You offer her a sympathetic smile before digging into your bag and pulling out a handkerchief, one that you always carry around.

“Here.” You smile at her toothily.

Yena eyes the fabric sceptically before looking at your face and back to the handkerchief.

“You sure?”

You nod your head, jutting out your hand once more to emphasise your point.

“Ah. I can see why Namjoon nabbed you up.” Yena coos, ruffling your hair as your eyes widen.

“H-How—?”

“How did I know? Well besides the fact that my job is to literally stick with the team and capture moments and make them look pretty—I’m nosey.” Yena shrugs and your face pales. “Oh, and I saw you guys at the changing room too.”

If she saw … that meant—

“Thought you were with the meathead Jeon for a moment.” Yena snorts.

Your eyes dart down to your lap, and Yena picks up on your silence immediately. But unlike the conventional person; despite her curiousity, she respected your privacy more. So she doesn’t, she just offers you a smile and a nudge to your shoulder.

“Don’t worry,” Yena assures, sighing as the voices of the footballers fill your area as they come up for refreshment. “He’s nice.” You weren’t sure who she was referring to so you just nod.

“Yena—pass me a bottle!” A boy calls, and you half expect her to do so, but instead, she delivers him one better—a middle finger.

“Get it your self you dickwad!” Yena calls back.

Your eyes widen when you turn your head to look at her, completely unbothered when the footballer shoots daggers at her nonchalant figure.

“Men. Think you always owe them something.” She scoffs.

You find yourself unconsciously nodding your head, and once again Yena recognises the gesture but doesn’t mention anything.

Instead, she turns towards you and levels you with a wide grin of her own.

“You’re cool. We should hang out.”

The declaration makes your eyes widen even more and you realise how much you’ve fumbled and made yourself look … stiff the entire time you were attempting to converse with Yena. But she seemed to be unbothered, and the thought makes you excited.

“We should?” You parrot with a squeak.

She nods and you’re still finding it hard to process the fact that she’d brought that up out of the blue.

You weren’t bad company. But you were … you.

“You’re like Ms Bona Fide.” Yena tuts. “People these days are either out to please or to receive.”

You furrow your brows.

“And I’m … not?” You say softly.

“You’re present.” Yena shrugs and throws you an easy-going smile.

God. She was so cool.

Namjoon scores the final goal.

You expect him to call the hangout off because, well, he’d closed the game and he was the captain. It was only normal that he’d want to celebrate.

So when Yena nudges your shoulders while your head is bent and focused on your mobile device, you slowly looked up with furrowed brows to see her cocking her head to the side with a knowing grin on her face.

And you see Namjoon, out of his gear and in a plain t-shirt and sweats while he waves at you.

You can’t help but gape at him.

“I see you’ve surrendered to good company instead of a zoo.” Yena greets Namjoon first with a snort.

Namjoon rolls his eyes, and you gauge that they’re at least well-acquainted. Acquainted enough that Namjoon subtly tries to flick her off, but you catch the gesture as soon as it comes.

“Promises are promises.” Namjoon shrugs as if he wasn’t aware that you were still gaping at him. Mouth open like a fish out of the water.

“Well—be nice, captain.” Yena whistles, throwing her camera into her bag and slinging it over her shoulder before she turns to look at you, a gentle nudge with her shoulder to yours as she levels you with an intentional look in her eyes.

“Don’t start any fights, Yena.” Namjoon gently chides, but his tone is joking.

Yena waves him off, then waves at you one last time, leaning down to whisper something into your ear that has you flushing.

“Tell me how it goes when we hang out.”

And she leaves you with a keen sense of excitement on the prospect of a new friend like her to look forward to hanging out with.

Namjoon looks over at you, and gently reaches for the tote bag you’ve slung over your shoulder as he tugs it off you with a soft pull.

“Let me.” His smile is all teeth and dimpled grins when you reluctantly let him take your bag from you.

“Thank you.” You murmur, eyes attempting to look at him but his gaze is so focused on yours that you find it difficult to make eye contact.

“We’ve got an exhibition to go to, don’t we?”

You nod your head enthusiastically as he chuckles, allowing you to lead the way as you find a little prep in your steps. It was nice. Having a friend like Namjoon.

“Captain’s not coming?” Yugyeom groans, ruffling his hair with a towel as the rest of the footballers filter out of the changing room.

Jimin snorts in response. “No. He’s got a date.” The emphasis on the word date is obvious in the immature sense, evoking wide eyes as responses.

“He bailed on us for some pussy?!” Yugyeom cries.

Jungkook has to clench his fists by his side when he hears how his teammate casually referred to you as just some pussy. You weren’t just … that.

“Watch your tone,” Jimin growls, and Jungkook’s thankful that Jimin was more of the confrontational type and didn’t allow shit like this to slide easily. Especially when it came to you. “That’s my best friend you’re talking about.”

Yugyeom’s eyes widened before gawking at the blonde boy.

“You mean Namjoon is going on a date with _____?” The rest of the footballers murmur in response, possibly out of confusion. “How did they—doesn’t she not … date?”

Jimin sighs, already ready with a response on the tip of his tongue but Jeonghan, the keeper interjects.

“Wait, I was under the impression that she and Jeon were a thing?”

At the mention of his name tangled with yours, Jungkook, who has been relatively silent throughout, freezes as his hands stop rummaging through his duffel bag while he tries to ignore the inquisitive stares he’s receiving from his teammates.

“W-What?” Jungkook stutters caught off guard.

Yugyeom narrows his eyes at the boy, while Jimin silently observes with an unreadable expression.

“Now that you mention it …” He trails off, head tilting upwards as if he was deep in thought. “I did always see the two of them alone with each other.”

Jungkook clears his throat as he lets out a nervous chuckle, his hand reaching to scratch the back of his neck.

“We’re friends,” Jungkook says stiffly and he hopes it’s believable, despite his hoarse voice. “Friends hang out.”

Jeonghan snorts. “Or she’s a two-timer.”

This time, Jungkook can’t keep his face neutral.

“Talk about her like that one more time and I’ll make sure you never speak again.” He growls to the other boy, whose eyes widen in response.

“I was kidding—” He raises his hands in defense but Jungkook is shoving the remainder of his belongings into his duffel bag before hauling it over his shoulder and storming out of the room, ears burning in both frustration and anger.

“You don’t joke about this type of shit,” Jungkook mutters under his breath right as he leaves the rest of the members brewing with confused expressions as they look at one another with concerned expressions.

Namjoon, as expected, is a museum enthusiast. That much you could assess when he was excitedly chirping about how much he appreciated all types of art, abstract, modern and contemporary and vintage—you name it and he could likely give you a break down of the nuances behind styles and techniques.

He is also great company. Namjoon is a comfortable line between involved and chivalrous, never pushing farther than what you were able to offer but engaging you in insightful discussions that you found yourself being intrigued by.

While you expected more … forward gestures, Namjoon is respectful and you’re surprised but not really. He was mannered encompassed into human form.

So, when the security guard informs you that the exhibition was over and that the two were the last guests in the hall—the two of you reluctantly had to bring your night to an end.

“That was fun,” Namjoon says once the two of you exit the hall, just two figures in the night who have thousands of words to say about the masterpieces you’ve witnessed.

“Honestly, I was already looking forward to it but seeing the pieces the art students curated in person was just another type of euphoria.” You confess.

Namjoon nods in agreement. “I totally agree. You can just tell that they’ve really dedicated all their free time to the work they’ve displayed.”

“Art is beautiful, isn’t it?” You mumble, eyes looking back to the museum as you grin up at Namjoon who’s already looking at you.

“Yeah.” He breathes, and the way he’s looking at you under the dim moonlight makes you irrevocably flustered. “Beautiful.”

You clear your throat as you shift on your heels, hoping the blush on your cheeks isn’t too apparent. The night was still wondrous, and you feel a type of comfort in Namjoon that you haven’t felt in a very long time. But there’s still a lingering thought in the substandard part of your mind that reminds you of doe-eyes and a bunny smile.

“Thank you for your time, Namjoon.” You say shy, fiddling with your thumbs.

When you find the courage to look at his face, he’s already beaming at you.

“No. Thank you.” He reassures. “I know you’re super busy so for you to find time out of your schedule to hang with a virtual stranger really means a lot to me.”

Your eyes widen, but then your face neutralises as you flush.

“I’m not that busy …” You mumble.

Namjoon chuckles. He doesn’t even snort or offer a sarcastic remark in response. He just acknowledges it with a kind smile and doesn’t comment further.

He’s different from what you’re used to. A challenge. A burst of rebellion that loved to roll remarks off his tongue.

You don’t want to think of him just yet.

“Regardless. You’re here. And I’m grateful.”

You nod your head lamely, clutching your bag into your chest (after relentlessly whining to Namjoon to allow you to hold it yourself when you felt a little useless).

“I should—I should head back.” You cock your thumb towards the direction of your apartment.

Immediately, Namjoon steps forward and is ready to head the same way you are.

“Let me walk you back.”

“I can’t possibly—”

“I’m not asking this time, ______.” He frowns.

You snap your lips shut. Though you did feel a little bad, it was late and the rational part of you knew that it was best if Namjoon walked you home.

“Okay.” You say softly.

Before you can begin walking, he tugs you by the elbow so gently, but firm enough for you to nearly stumble into his chest.

And he’s so tall, so you’re peering up at him with wide eyes as you gauge his nervous expression.

“I-I’m sorry if this is a little forward but—” Namjoon clears his throat. “W-Well I think—I really think you’re nice. And great. Like—good company, you know? So I’d r-really—I’d enjoy—”

You blink at him as he attempts to find his words.

“Namjoon.” You whisper gently, tugging the hem of his shirt.

At your gesture, his mind blanks but he remembers that you’re still looking up at him with a confused gaze.

“Okay. Fuck.” He whines as a giggle escapes your throat when he peers at you with an exasperated expression. “I’m not usually this much of a mess. You just make me nervous.”

“O-Oh.” You breathe, “I do?”

Namjoon sighs, rubbing his hands over his face.

“I don’t know if it was obvious but I’m kind of into you.” He says softly, rubbing his hand over his neck.

You don’t expect it, not at all. So you can only muster gawking at him at his sudden confession.

“And you don’t need to—you don’t need to say anything about it. We can pretend like I didn’t just confess to you. We can just be friends.” He rambles, eyes wide. “I just wanted to let you know … yeah. So I really hope we can still continue to hang out even though you might think I’m a creep and I really didn’t offer to walk you home because I had intentions. Really just wanted to make sure you were safe.”

You continue looking at Namjoon with wide eyes. Because you’ve never been on this end before. The one receiving the confession. You’ve never really given a confession either, and you try to suppress the bitter memories of the confession you tried to give Jungkook that wasn’t verbal but with your presence.

With you giving up certain parts of yourself for him so he could see you.

“Please say something.” Namjoon chuckles nervously.

“I—…” You choke. “I don’t know what to say.”

“We can pretend like I didn’t just say that.” He winces.

You shake your head. “No. No. It’s fine, Namjoon. Really.” You reassure him gently. “I really appreciate it … I just didn’t … expect it.” You finish lamely.

“You’re a very interesting person,” Namjoon tells you, lips twitching in an attempt to lighten the awkward atmosphere.

Interesting? You don’t think you’ve ever heard anyone call you interesting before. Not outright, at least.

“I’m really not.” You say sadly.

Namjoon furrows his brows but doesn’t reach out to you further, his hands still remaining limp by his sides.

“Hey.” His voice calls out. “You are. You’re definitely one of the most interesting people I’ve met in my life.”

You blink.

“T-Thank you.”

He waves you off, gesturing towards where you gestured towards earlier.

“Shall we?”

And somehow, Namjoon has a way of making everything feel easy. Like a temporary space for you to feel safe, to feel wanted.

So why doesn’t your heart flutter?

[robin-the-enby]

Possible headcanons for Ciel Phantomhive? :)) Btw, it's nice that you've been getting attention lately! I hope you're doing well 😌🖤

I'm actually so hyped for this, I love Ciel! I'm not sure if you wanted headcanons wih or without the reader involved so I did both. Thank you so much for your compliment, I'm glad for all the nice people as well. Hope you like it!

Ciel is someone who has seen the worst of the world far too early in his life.

Not only seen but been through for that matter.

It tainted the way he views the world and everyone in it for sure.

If you've ever thought that Ciel seems kind of...uninterested half the time, it's because he doesn't let much happen inside him.

After everything he went through, after everything he has seen and keeps seeing, how can he truly feel happy?

Everything is just a charade, everyone lies, nothing really matters and you're all alone in the world.

He operates through life with logic. He needs to be smart, to calculate when will allies turn into his enemies, in his position, it could cost him his life. Sure, he has Sebastian, and while the man is nearly invincible, you never know.

So he's always at least two steps ahead of the game. He can afford it, it's his game after all.

Ciel doesn't like quiet. Because no matter how much he tells himself he's different now and how much he tries to erase unnecessary emotions like fear, those traumatic events still haunt him.

Whenever it's too quiet and he doesn't have anything to busy himself with, the memories start creeping up again, patting him with their inky black tendrils.

He needs to keep himself busy. Be it chess, reading, paperwork, working on a case or even attending a ball or entertaing Lizzy, he needs to be occupied. Because it makes him concentrate on his game.

One thing that keeps him from going totally sour is that he's constantly reminded that he makes people happy, if indirectly. Lizzy is happy just because he exists, she loves him that much, his servants are happy because he gave them a new chance at a better life, so many children all over England and possibly the world are happy because of the Phantom sweets and toys...

He doesn't voice it, but he's glad that at least someone os happy, even though it's naive in his opinion.

Moving on to some lighter headcanons, I think Ciel doesn't mind animals that much. Not even cats, believe it or not. He just deems taking care of animals or intersting yourself in them as a waste of time.

If we forget about his cat allergy, the only reason he always scoffs when a cat is nearby is because of how Sebastian fawns over them all the time. He sees it as a sign of weakness from his demon, it ruins the imgaine so at least he pretends like it's some sort of lowlife critter.

and now Ciel x reader headcanons:

I really think you would be one of the few things keeping Ciel from going totally nihilistic.

And he's kind of grateful for that.

Because even though it's illogical and would cause trouble in the future, he cares about you.

He is the king of the game and you are the queen.

You're the only two that matter.

I headcanon him as the protective, but sweet partner.

He's not one for PDA, the most he'll do is hold your hand, however, when you're both home, that all changes.

I don't think he's too much into kisses on the lips, definitely not at first, but kisses anywhere else on the face are fine. Cheek kisses? Sure. Forehead kisses? Loves giving and receiving. Kisses on the temple? Best for when you're both sitting next to each other reading.

He also likes to hold onto you when he sleeps, it lessens his nightmares.

When he has one and wakes up from it, he immediately feels your warmth and it lulls him back to sleep.

He would definitely prefer someone not as over the top as Lizzy, but he'd love watching you laugh while doing something fun, even if though he'd watch from the sidelines, like when you're dancing to yourself or running aaround in the garden or ice skating.

Ciel doesn't get jealous. It may seem like he does, because he always appears by your side if someone (especially an older man) is getting friendly with you, but he's only secretly suspicious of anyone and everyone and doesn't want you to get hurt.

He doesn't say it much (nearly not at all), but he genuinely cares about you. And he expresses it n actions more than words, because, again, everyone lies.

You are treated like royalty, trust me on that. Sometimes he'd plan cute dates for you both, like a picknic.

Please put a flowercrown on him, he'll blush really hard and scoff at you for being childish.

But then he takes it off and puts it on your head and tells you you look muh better in it. "Like a true queen" he says.

If you end up getting kidnapped, all hell breaks loose. Sebastian has one order and one order only: To find you and bring you back to him alive and unhurt. If the situation is really desperate, he'll bring Meyrin, Finny and Baldroy into it as well.

If you end up getting hurt he blames himself for being reckless and he won't let you out of his sight for at least two weeks.

Losing you would feel lik losing his parents all over again. He'd feel like he had lost everything once again, like it had been ripped from him in a cruel game of fate.

So he does everything to keep you safe.

[cierrabiscuits]

Koutaro Bokuto x Fem Reader: Eligible Bachelor

 Summary: Some of the MSBY team are scheduled at a charity event and are auctioned off for dates, you being the manager go with them. The team is well aware of your crush on Bokuto and put a plan in motion. What’s the worst that can happen. 

 Words: 5.1K

 Warnings: Angst if squint, happy ending, MSBY 4 being sold as dates for Charity.

 Authors Note: Hello! This is my first time posting a fic so go easy on me, I hope you all enjoy it and get a good laugh out of it like I did! This is part of a collab with @ambershaydeoffical! Please support all the talented writes who participated. 

Update: I made a route for Sakusa! Find that here

Update: I made a route for Atsumu! Finda that here

Story

“Alrighty boys are you ready to go on in?” You said staring at the four well dressed men  behind you.

 “No, and I want to go home.” Sakusa adjusted his black facemask. He wasn’t keen on coming to this event whatsoever.

 “Sakusa I know, but I really need you! Besides what would you be doing anyway? It's Valentine's day and you're as single as single gets. Live a little. Maybe you will find your Mrs.Clean tonight! Ya never know!” You said as he rolled his eyes and scoffed.

 “Omi-Omi don't be that way. Our lovely manager here worked hard to get us this opportunity, and it's benefiting a charity you scrooge.” Atsumu smacked Sakusa’s back.”I think your just upset because you know all the ladies are going to bid on me.” The blond setter smirked at the very pissed Sakusa who just glared at him.

 “NOoO It's going to be me who gets all the bids. I still have my tan from Brazil and I’m alot cooler than all of you.” Hinata piped up, proudly adjusting his tie that had little volleyballs on it. 

 “Well if we don’t get our asses in that building, aint none of y’all getting any bids, besides I’m freezing to death,” You said rubbing your arms. The dress you wore done little to protect you from the cold night. 

 “Take this please, I don’t want to freeze to death. I like you warm and alive.” Bokuto, who's been oddly quiet, spoke up wrapping his grey tux jacket around your shoulders leaving him in his blue button up. You could smell his cologne on the jacket, you could drown in this and wouldn't complain. Your cheeks ran hot and you managed to let out a “thank you” through chattering teeth.

 “Okay let’s get going.” You said wrapping the jacket tighter around you as the boys followed you like baby ducks. Bokuto walked up beside you while the two boys bickered over who would have the most bids in the back, Sakusa wanted no part in it and stayed to himself. You look at Bokuto  who seemed nervous. You decided to hype him up a bit before he went into emo mode. “Bokuto you are going to have some gorgeous high profile women coming after you tonight, I’m jealous of them.” You didn't lie, you had the biggest crush on Bo, ever since you took the job as the MSBY manager. You never have a frown on your face next to him- until now. You knew he’d have a woman, that's not you, by his side tonight. You’d bid on him until your bank went in the negative but you don’t get paid like the women at this event do.

 “You wait and see, I’ll have the most beautiful one by time the night is out.” Bokuto said, smiling at you. You felt a pang of sadness creep on you, if he only knew. 

 The warm air of the ballroom felt nice against your cool body. You gave Bokuto his jacket back, you secretly wished you could keep it forever. You took in your surroundings, the ball room was filled with women in designer dresses and you could see the small stage in the middle of the room. 

 “Guys I have to find the event coordinator and see what time you guys need to get on stage. Please be on your best behavior, there are cameras everywhere. Atsumu keep the drinking to a minimum, Shoyo for the love of God go to the bathroom now, Omi keep these fools in line and you better be nice to people and last but never the least Bokuto, If you dance please be careful, I don’t want to take you to the ER again because you hit the Cha cha slide too hard. And with that I’m out. I’m counting on you guys.” You said giving them a thumbs up as you got lost into the sea of people to hunt the event coordinator. 

~

 “Thank you so much Y/N! Everyone is looking forward to the auction. We have some models and a couple pop stars who will be in the line up as well as a few volunteers . I want your boys to go at the end, as they say ‘always save the best for last’.” The coordinator spoke over the bustling crowd. She went over the rules and where they needed to go and what time to line up. You soaked in all the information the bubbly coordinator was giving you. “I have to go let the rest of the people know the game plan. Please have your guys here and lined up in half an hour. Thank you again!” And with that she disappeared into the crowd. Now here came the hard part.

You scanned the large ballroom to find your heathens. Sakusa would be the easiest to find because he is most likely on one of the four corners in the building. Hinata was most likely with Bokuto, and Atsumu was a wild card, he could be at the bar, maybe even on the dance floor trying to impress girls with his dance moves(That suck by the way). You recall the time you found him passed out in a bush drunk off ass at a gala last year. You make up a game plan, you would get Bo and Hinata first, then find a hopefully sober Tsumu and lastly get Sakusa (you figured it best not to drag him around the ballroom) You spot Bokuto’s tall figure next to a snack bar, and as you figured Hinata was with him. They were both stuffing their mouths with meat kebabs and other foods like wild animals, they sure love to eat you thought. 

 “Bokuto,Hinata, they are getting ready to line everyone up, wait for me over there.” You said pointing towards an area that was not  too terribly crowded.

 “HEY HEY HEY Y/N try one of these things, they are so freakin good.” He shoved a cake pop in front of your face. You took it from the gray haired boy.

 “Thank you Bo, but we really need to go.” You took a bite from the cake pop. “Wow that is really good.” You said finishing it in one bite. You heard some snickers from a group of girls, they made a smug comment about you eating it all at once. You normally would throw hands but you had an image to uphold. You shouldn't let it bother you but it did.

 “Hey don’t let that bother you, besides I like a girl that can eat.” Bokuto said, patting your head. He is literally the human version of sunshine. 

 “Thanks Bo. But really we need to get the move on, I still have to hunt Tsumu down. Can you and Hinata wait for me over there.” You said pointing to the area again.

 “Roger that.” They said unison. 

  “I’ll be right back.” You said going back into the crowd. You checked the dancefloor first and he wasn't there(You were relieved he was not.). You made your way to the bar and found him surrounded by women who were mesmerized by his thick accent. You waved him down and he nodded and turned his attention back to the group he had attracted.

 “It looks like It's time fer’ me to go, make sure you all bid for me. I’ll be a waitin’” He said getting up and following you. The women he had been entertaining giggled as he walked away.

 “Look at you being a player. I didn’t expect that from a man who yells at girls when they cheer for him.” You leaned into him so he could hear you over the crowd.

 “I’m just tryin’ to raise some money, it's strictly business. My heart belongs to volleyball for the most part.”He said winking at you. He truly is just a fool in love with the sport. 

You led Atsumu to the group and went to retrieve poor  Sakusa. You looked around for a few minutes and felt a tug at the back of your shirt. You turn around and see Sakusa towering over you. 

 “This is new, I’m used to finding you sulking in a corner.” You said staring into his black eyes. 

 “I watched you gather everyone up, I figured I would come on over to make it easier for you.” He began to walk towards the rest of the group.

 “I guess being 6’4 has its perks huh Omi? You're like a watchtower.” You said looking up at the tall spiker.

 “Yeah, guess so.”He said playing with one of his dark curls.

~~

 “Okay we have everyone, so you guys are going last, I’ll leave who goes first to you guys. Now let's go get lined up.” You lead them to the stage and let them line up. Atsumu insisted on going first, Hinata would go after him, then Sakusa and lastly Bokuto. 

 “You owe me some umeboshi after this.” Sakusa said, taking his mask off and putting it in the pocket of his tux.

 “Sure thing. I'll even throw in a thing of nice smelling hand sanitizer for the trouble.” You crossed your arms and smirked at him.

 “I’ll hold you to that.” He said, filing behind Hinata.

 You looked at Bokuto who appeared to be a nervous wreck. He had a small layer of sweat on his forehead and his hands were shaking slightly. “Hey it's going to be okay, I’ll be right here.” You said pulling out your handkerchief and dabbing the sweat off his forehead. “You're amazing and dare I say you're the best looking one.” You said making him blush.

 “Ummm HEY.” Atsumu said glaring at you, obviously butt hurt from your comment. Sakusa was unamused and took it upon himself to kick Atsumu. That gave you the opportunity to turn your attention back to the nervous male beside you. Before you could comfort him the loud speaker cut you off.

 “Ladies and gentleman, would you please give your attention to the center stage, the date auction will begin momentarily.” The coordinator announced causing everyone to tense up a bit.

 “Come on guys loosen up a bit, I’m going to be in the front taking pictures for our instagram page. So show off a little! Show them you are proud to be a part of such an awesome volleyball team!” You hyped them up one last team. “With that being said I want a group picture so bring it in guys.” You said pulling the camera and ushering the athletes into the frame. “Say cheese.” Atsumu wrapped his arm around Sakusa who didn’t have the chance to push him off, Bokuto gave Hinata bunny ears. It was a chaotic photo, but It caught their true essence. 

 “I want a picture with you before you go Y/N. Pleaseee.” Bokuto gave you puppy dogs eyes and you couldn't deny him.

 “Sure Bo. Atsumu here.” You handed him the camera and got beside Bokuto. He wrapped an arm around your waist and held you close to him. You could feel his muscles through the tux that fit just a little too good. 

 “Aww you look like a cute couple.” Atsumu teased as he brought the camera up to snap a picture. You couldn't make a comeback as embarrassment washed over you. You looked up at Bokuto who had a blush adorning his handsome face.

 “Y/N I’m going to do something, don’t get mad.” Bokuto said, picking you up bridal style before you could even protest.

 “That’s what I’m talking about!” Atsumu said, snapping more pictures. 

 “Bokuto put me down, I'm heavy!” You shriked  gripping onto his tux.

 “No you're not. I could carry you around all night like this if you wanted me to!” He smiled down at you! You felt your face light up like a Christmas tree. No matter how big or small you were, Bokuto always made you feel like a princess. 

 “As much as I’d love you to, we gotta get this ball rolling.” You said as he gently placed you back on your feet. “I’ll be taking that.” You said snatching the camera from Atsumu who was smirking. He seemed to be hiding something from the way he was acting. He is definitely sus you thought. You waved the boys goodbye and made you way to the front of the crowd. You got the camera ready as the spotlight of the stage flickered on. 

 “Thank you all for coming out tonight! We hope you are ready to see the heartthrobs we have lined up for you!!” The announcer said setting the tone. “Valentine's day is all about love and being with one another. So if your single, ladies, pull those yen out and let’s get to business!” The crowd cheered and applauded as the auction began.

You didn’t pay much attention to the men coming on stage, your only worry was the last 4. You scrolled through the camera to see the pictures Atsumu took of you and Bokuto. Bokuto had such a wide smile on his face in the pictures, your smile was just as big, even though your face was full of panic in the one where he effortlessly picked you up. You’re pulled from your day dream when you heard the announcer’s voice.

 “We have some special guests tonight from the MSBY volleyball team! We’ll start first with Miya Atsumu!” The announcer said as Atsumu walked on the stage like he owned it. He flipped his hair and looked at the group of women he serenaded earlier and blew them a kiss. You got lucky and snapped a picture of it, he may be annoying as hell but he knows how to get women. He had about ten women fighting over him, his bids kept going up and up. After a cutthroat battle he was sold for roughly  200,000 yen. He smirked and walked off the stage. You couldn’t help but chuckled to yourself, he’d be one of a kind if he didn’t have a twin. 

 “Up next we have Hinata Shoyo!” She said as the tangerine headed boy shly walked on stage. He looked confident for the most part and he thankfully went to the bathroom before this. He had on one of his classic charming but cute smiles. You could hear girls behind you talk about how cute he was. His skin was glowing under the spotlight thanks to the Brazilian sun. His bids went up high, he ended up being sold for 120,000 yen. He waved at the audience and bounced off the stage.

 “Let’s welcome our next bachelor who just so happens to be the tallest one tonight, Sakusa Kiyoomi!” You watched on edge as Sakusa walked out, he didn’t seem nervous but he wasn’t all that interested either, he stood in the middle of the stage like a statue. To make matters worse he wasn’t smiling. You grabbed his attention for a moment and smiled as wide as you could and pointed at your face, you felt like one of the psychotic moms from toddlers and tiaras but you had to do something or he wasn't going to get any bids. You mouthed the words “Smile please” at him and he finally took the hint. He had an awkward but cute smile on his face finally. You relaxed a little and resumed taking pictures. His bids began to go up and quick. Sakusa looked at the exit of the stage and smirked at someone and turned his attention back to the crowd. You could only guess he was looking at Atsumu who was probably pissed at how high Sakusa’s bids were. Sakusa was sold for a whopping 500,000 yen. You know Tsumu’s ego was damaged beyond repair right now. Sakusa bowed and left the stage. 

 “Now let’s end this night right! We have one more contest so let’s welcome Bokuto Koutarou to the stage!” You felt your heart drop and the announcer said his name. You had to watch someone you loved dearly be bid off to some rich girl who would probably steal him away. You tried to knock away negative thoughts but you couldn’t help it. He looked sinfully good when he walked on stage. What nervousness he felt was gone and now it’s nothing but his overwhelming confidence. He carefully watched one specific area of the crowd. You snapped pictures of him (a lot of them being for your personal collection) as he walked around the stage flexing and showing off. His eyes met yours a lot and he seemed to be smirking at you. But his attention always went back to the one area of the crowd. You heard his bids go up, one particular girl was bidding for him like her life depended on having him. Her voice came from the direction he kept starting at. He looked nervous when anyone but her called out a bid. You began to get ate up with pure jealousy, you wish you could take him off the stage and run away with him right then and there. The bids kept going up and up and the girl that kept bidding on him got him for 150,000 yen. He looked ecstatic. He looked at you and smiled before he went off stage. Your heart dropped and you wanted to leave, but you still have work to do. 

 “That concludes the auction tonight! If you won you can meet up with your bachelor over here on the left.” The announcer pointed towards the group of men. You made your way to find the guys so you can take more pictures and let them know where you’ll be when they get done.

 “You guys did awesome!” You said running up to them. They gave you a soft smile. You notice Bokuto was MIA. “Umm guys, where is Bo?” They hesitated for a second but your conversation was cut short as the boys dates for the evening came up.

 “Sakusa was it?” A well dressed man walked up to the tall volleyball player. You noticed a small girl clutching his dress shirt. She couldn’t be any older than 8. “This is my daughter, she wanted someone to dance with her but in all honesty I’m trying to make some business deals while I’m here, keep her company for me.” The man patted his shoulder and slipped some extra money in Sakusa’s shirt pocket, leaving him slacked jawed. 

  “All the umeboshi your heart desires, a big box of the nice face masks you like, and whatever else you want, just please be nice to this poor girl. She looks sad.” You whispered into Omi’s ear trying to persuade him a little more.

 “I didn’t come here to babysit, but I guess I can.” He said low enough that the girl couldn’t hear. Omi peered down at the small girl, she actually had moles on her face kinda like he does but on the opposite side.

 “Umm hi.” She said looking up at the tall man. She seemed nervous. You nugged Omi in the side to get him to say anything.

 “When was the last time you washed your hands?” He asked the girl and you could have choked him. The girl giggled at his statement.

 “I wash my hands all the time! Look my mom even bought me this!” She pulled out a small key chain with a rabbit on it, attached was a small bottle of hand sanitizer. “Would you like some?” She said opening the cap. Sakusa held his hand as the small girl poured some into his hands and she gave herself some as well.

 “Good.” Sakusa said, pulling his mask from his pocket to put it back on. The little girl grabbed his hand and dragged him to the dance floor. You knew this was way out of his comfort zone, but he was still doing it. 

 “Omg your hair is so cute! Can I touch it?” You whipped your head around to see a young bubbly girl talking to Hinata. 

 “Umm s—s sure.” He said nervously as the girl ran and hand through his hair. You couldn’t help but laugh a little. The poor baby seemed so embarrassed. The dance floor was filled with couples and the girl dragged Hinata to the dance floor before he could even get her name. You turned to Atsumu who looked like he had seen a ghost.

 “Young man I’m getting my money's worth tonight so let's go dance.” An old lady who you thought resemble Baba Yaga from spirited away stood in front of poor Atsumu. 

 “Yes ma’am.” He said, forcing a smile.  He looked at you pleasing eyes that screamed “please save me Y/N”. You shook your head at him.

 “Pay attention to me boy, I paid good money for you.” The old lady said whacking Atsumu with the cane she carried.

 “Yes ma’am, sorry ma’am.” He said walking with the old woman to the dance floor. You had to turn your head and laugh, between Sakusa getting stuck babysitting a kid and Atsumu being stuck with a senior citizen after talking all that smack, it was priceless. You guess them ladies Atsumu talked to must not have liked him that much.

You searched around for Bokuto to make sure he got his date for the night, you were also curious who she was and how pretty she was. You felt that jealousy creep back on you. This was going to be a long night. You finally spot Bokuto talking to a drop dead beautiful girl, she looked familiar but you couldn’t quite place her. She and Bokuto seemed to be having a good time, she was laughing at something he had said. Your heart shattered. You look back up to see Bo making eye contact with you. All you could do was smile and get lost in the crowd before he could see the stray tear falling down your cheek. You needed to get outside for a bit, you felt like you were suffocating. You fought the crowd and finally made your way to the exit. You pushed the metal door open. The cold night felt good against your hot skin. You walked down a path in front of the building and tried to collect yourself. 

 “Another year alone and single.” You blurted out to yourself. You find a small bench and decide to sit down for a bit. The night sky brought a sort of comfort to you. The stars twinkled and the moon casted a peaceful light. The cold was getting to you but you were afraid to go back in. You mentally couldn’t handle it. 

 “PARKOUR.” You felt your soul leave your body as you saw a shadow jump over the bench you were sitting on. You flinched back ready to fight off the attacker only to be met with Bokuto standing in front.

 “BO you scared me to death!” You said inhaling a deep breath and clutching your chest.

 “I’m sorry my parkour was so awesome it scared you.” He said, taking his jacket off and draping it yet again around your cold body. Your nose flooded again with the scent of his cologne. It’s calmed you down in a bittersweet way. “But angel what are you doing out here, you’ll get sick if you're not careful.” He kneeled down a bit and pulled the jacket around your cold body more. 

 “I could ask you the same things Mr. Parkour, you have a beautiful woman in there waiting on you, so stop wasting your time on me.” You said trying to hold it together.

 “Well I’m more concerned with the real beautiful one sitting right in front of me.” He said grabbing your shaking hands. Your eyes went wide with what he said.

 “Bo I’m confused?” You said looking into his golden eyes.

 “Well that woman you saw me with is not really my date, yes she did bid on me, but she was never my real date. She is actually the guy who owns our gym's daughter! She agreed to bid on me, but in return she wanted a date with Atsumu’s brother and he agreed to do it! The team helped me do this so I could be with you tonight, but I guess it didn’t go as smoothly as I planned. I’m sorry I made you sad.” Bokuto sat beside you on the bench,

 “Bokuto are you low key confessing to me?” You looked over at him and he smiled and shook his head. 

 “Yes and let me do this properly.” He cleared his throat and held his hand out for you to grab, which you gladly accepted. “Y/N please let me be your date tonight and from here on out please!”  

 “So like boyfriend and girlfriend Bo?” You said wanting to make sure you got the message right.

 “Yes Y/N, please be my girlfriend. All that flexin on the stage was for you baby!” He stood up and flexed again making you laugh. “But in all seriousness, I freakin love you. So what do you say Y/N?” 

 “Yes. I would love nothing mo-“ Bokuto cut you off by lifting your body into his strong arms. You giggled as he swung you both in circles. He slowed down and seen you finally smile again

 “Now that’s a pretty sight, you're not going to be sad on my watch anymore. Now we better get back inside before we freeze to death!” Bokuto wrapped an arm around your shoulder as you two began to walk back. “Wait I have something for you!” He dug through his pockets and pulled out a small jewelry box and handed it to you. You opened it and there was a necklace with a small owl charm and a “B” charm next to it.

 “Bo this is so cute! Can you help me put it on!” You said handing him the necklace. He struggled to get it on but finally got it. The silver was cold on your skin, but you didn’t mind at all.

 “Omi actually helped me pick it out, believe it or not. He said if I would have went alone I would have got something stupid.” Bokuto said, sliding the jewelry box back into his coat pocket. You hate to admit it but Sakusa going was probably a good thing. 

 “Bo I really love it, thank you.” You said leaving up and kissing his cheek. “Now let’s go back, I’ve got to check in on everyone.” You walked into the ballroom with your arm hooked around Bokuto’s bicep. 

You scanned the room to see if you could find any of the guys and the only one you could see was Hinata laughing with his date. They seemed to be hitting it off pretty good. “Bokuto let’s go get something to drink.” You both walked towards the bar, you see that girl who bid on Bokuto sitting next to Osamu. They both seemed to be having a good time.

 “Thank you again! The planned worked Y/N is my girlfriend now!” Bokuto walked up to them and showed you off. 

 “I’m so glad!” The girl said, clasping her hands together. “You are a cute couple.” 

 “Speaking of a cute couple.” Osamu chimed in and pointed towards his brother Atsumu who was being dragged around by that old lady. “I may have given her some free Onigiri vouchers and a few hundred yen to bid on him.” The twin laughed at his brother's despair. 

 “Your evil, but I like it.” The girl said as they clinked their drinks together. 

 “You guys enjoy it, we still have to hunt for Omi.” You bowed and clung back on to Bokuto. 

After circulating the ballroom a few times you finally find Sakusa and the little girl sitting at a table. Sakusa looked dead tired and the little girl was stuffing her face with cake

 “Omi you look like a tired dad.” Bokuto said bursting out laughing at his teammate. 

 “I see your plan worked.” Sakusa said, looking at the necklace through tired eyes. 

 “Yes it did now this cutie is all mine.” Bokuto said peppering your cheek with kisses.

 “How disgusting, when you grow up don’t date idiots like him.” Sakusa looked at the child who just nodded her head. It was hilarious to see Omi so out of his element. “That was directed at you Bokuto not Y/N.” 

 “Omi, he is a idiot but he is my idiot.” You patted Bokuto's back. 

 “Omi-Omi let’s go dance some more. I like this song.” The little girl tugged on his jacket. 

 “Fine.” Omi sighed and followed her dance floor.

 “Now that we know everyone (for the most part) is okay let’s dance!” You said leading Bokuto to the dance floor.

 You danced to every single song and Bo didn’t break anything when the cha cha slide came on. He swung you around all night without a care in the world. 

 “Let’s end the night with something nice and slow.” The Dj said putting on (Insert your favorite slow song)

  “May I have this dance pretty girl?” Bokuto asked, holding his hand out to pull you closer to him.

 “The Macarena may have wore me out, but I guess I have enough wind in me for one last song.” You teased wrapping your arms around his neck. He pressed a kiss to your forehead and began to slowly dance you around the room. 

 You see that little girl struggling to keep up with Omi’s big steps as he attempted to dance with her, he was at least trying you thought. Hinata was slow dancing with his date of the night, they both seemed comfortable and content with each other. Atsumu was still with that granny but he seemed to have accepted defeat as he danced around with her. Osamu danced with the gym owner's daughter and made it a mission to kick his brother when they got close enough, he even messed him up enough to cause the old to hit him with the cane again. You felt Bokuto's grip tighten and he dipped you down enough to finally kiss you on the lips. He pulled away and brought you back up to continue dancing. 

“ I love you Y/N.” Bokuto spoke softly in your ear. 

 “I love you too.” You said as the song faded out.

   “And one more thing Y/N” Bokuto said, leaning down to whisper in your ear. “I told you I would have the most beautiful girl here.”

Fin

[yanderedbh-moved]

Headcanons of the Harvest Moon One World Bachelors as Yanderes (Part 1)

A/N: I know this is usually a DBH themed account, but after more than a little burnt out for some time I’ve decided to start writing about characters from any video game franchise. (Obviously while still keeping to writing Yandere content.)

I’ve got a few more WIPs inspired by other games in the works, but I’ve got requests open for the moment, with all that said, please enjoy.

Content warnings, Slight mentions of NSFW, possessive behavior, yandere tingz

Braden

Braden will admit to anyone close to him, is he has nearly no experience with romance. He was always busy as a farmhand growing up and helping to raise his younger brother. His own love life wasn’t something Braden gave much mind to. Braden likely didn’t think he was the Romantic type and deep down wondered if maybe he was meant to be alone with his animals forever.

Yet all the same, when he met you, and he could feel himself warming up to you, in ways he hadn’t known before. Braden couldn’t help but succumb to his own emotions. Both his genuine and pure love, as well as an unusual obsession for you, his first real object of desire. Not that he would ever admit this to you, there's no way Braden would want to risk creeping you out or fumbling over his own words and embarrassing himself.

Other people, likely even Braden’s own family, told you he was a stoic man, keeping to himself whenever he could. This is why it came as a bit of a surprise to you, and honestly, even Braden when he began going out of his way to ask you for help. Little favors when he knew you were in town or even going out of his way to approach you in return treating you to fresh produce from his farm. Maybe even shyly leaving offerings at your house while you slept. He may have addressed this as a gift from a secret admirer, but you both knew he wasn’t fooling anyone.

For a while, long before you were in any way privy to Braden’s “darker nature,” you couldn’t help but feel yourself being won over by his rustic charm. Sure he wasn’t exactly the romantic type, but you knew he wasn’t as cold and emotionless as he wants others to think. As far as you were concerned, the two of you were close friends, and you knew you could always count on him.

And while he struggles trying to understand his own emotions, let alone others' feelings, he will do his best to maintain this level of simple kindness with you. Though when the two of you were alone together, and you made silly jokes about “rolling in the hay” together, he had a tough time falling asleep that night. Dreaming about bringing you into his home, caring for your needs, and picturing you begging for him on your back beneath him.

The first red flag you noticed something may be up with Braden was the way his face darkened when you tried to leave a little early after staying over at his house one night. It truly surprising to you when he insisted on you staying, and something about the way he was staring you down made you all the more certain you needed to get out now.

Another nasty little side effect of Braden’s inexperience with love, he tends to catastrophize things and assume the worst. Likely a bad habit he picked up from having to care for his little brother and little animals. He’s a bit of a mother hen in that sense, and he feels the need to make sure you’re doing ok if he hasn’t seen you in a while. (Whether you know he’s there watching you or not.)

Thinking if you didn’t want to be around him now, it was only a matter of time before you never wanted to be around him again. The mere thought of this brings Braden unbearable pain. He needed you and was sure you needed him in kind, and Braden would rather die than abandon you.

Braden fears that there are so many other bachelors in the area, people who can offer you more than he can. This would really bring out his more possessive side and would be his final straw before either strong-arming you into moving in with him.

If things were really getting rough for him, however. There’s a strong chance he would hold you, prisoner, in his barn with the animals until you convinced him you really did love him enough to bring you to his home as his lover.

Despite at least in some way, knowing he is in the wrong here. Braden knows what he’s doing is hurting you. Braden will not give up. In his mind, his goal justifies the means. And at the end of the day, all he wants is to hold you in his arms and start a family with you.

While Braden would never want to hurt you physically, he knows how strong and physically imposing he is. He wouldn’t be afraid to use physical intimidation to keep you scared and under his control.

Braden also loves to draw you while you’re sleeping, looking so calm, natural, and peaceful is beyond entrancing for him. Likely has a secret hoard of drawings he’s made of you. Braden’s waiting for the right moment to gift them to you.

Kanoa

If you weren’t expecting someone as pure as Braden would have any dark/ulterior motives for you, then you really didn’t see this coming from Kanoa. The moment you met him, you were captivated by his outgoing personality, strong body, and good looks. You were far from surprised to learn he was so popular in Halo Halo.

While he may come across as a car-free surfer bro, he’s actually far more attentive and observant than what others might think. Keeping extra close attention to what you like and what you say. He’s very people smart and is an experienced lover when it comes to romance, and he can’t start soon enough.

Even though he is super into you, Kanoa wants more than anything for you to be the one to fall for him. Maybe it’s his ego. Perhaps it's the way you make him feel so comfortable and alive. Before he even knew you intimately, Kanoa would have many fantasies of you infatuated with him. Dreaming of all the pleasure the two of you could share.

Kanoa isn’t afraid to use his good looks or his natural charisma to flirt and fluster you at any given moment. Whether it’s cute moments like feeding you soft ice cream on the beach. Plucking hibiscus flowers to put in your hair while walking with you. Splashing your clothes while the two of you are wading through the tides. Or more intimate events, like pulling you onto his lap while sharing drinks with a big group of people.

Needless to say, Kanoa would become your best friend in Halo Halo, and your unofficial guide around the town, and would be STOKED to see you participate in Halo Halo culture, and would be the best hype man. Always there to check up on you, and make sure you’re doing alright, and welcoming you to walk around the beach.

Anytime you’re in town, he somehow always seems to know and is always by your side, begging you to come back again soon, and even not-so-subtly suggesting you should move into town. You laughed it off quickly enough, but you couldn’t help but wonder if he was serious here.

Kanoa fell fast.

His hidden double intention here is to not only get a secure lock on your location at all times but also to keep any other bachelors in the area away from you. While he might be good friends with just about everyone in Halo Halo, there’s no way he would let anyone try and take you away from him.

Loves it when you cook for him but loves it, even more, when your cooking food is gathered for you. Whether it’s the fruit of the area, the fish from the bordering ocean, or even just brewing up some coffee for him, he can’t get enough. This isn’t even mentioning how he loves your passion for gardening. It’s like you two were meant for each other!

Absolutely would be the type into using pet names, in private and public, and loves public displays of affection.

Loves to take you out to the docs or the beach late at night to watch the moon and the stars together away from the crowds. While he intended this to be a cute moment between the two of you, he’s likely accidentally fallen asleep on your lap more than a few times. Cuddling your thighs and listening to the roll of the tides.

Likes to take you out on little unofficial dates in town during the daytime as well, so long as you stay by his side, that is. Whether that means sharing a seat at the local café or even just gathering fruit from the trees together, quality time and physical touch mean so much to him. (Gets quite hot and bothered thinking about going skinny dipping with you in the ocean once you were feeling more comfortable around him, of course.)

He truly is a rather touchy-feely kind of person in general, in public or in private. Which may cause you to get more than a little flustered at his amorous behavior. (Something which Kanoa finds endlessly adorable yet will pretend not to notice.)

While he isn’t the jealous type if he were to see you getting a little too close with any of his friends on the island, he might accidentally do something impulsive in the heat of the moment. Whether that means snapping at you, accusing you of cheating on him, leading him on, etc. Or starting a physical fight with another guy, accusing him of trying to steal his girl.

He certainly didn’t mean to hurt you, and he really is the last person in the world to take pleasure in bringing you pain. The thing is, since Kanoa is so confident the two of you were meant for each other, he can rationalize a bit of tough love every now and then, as it’s his job to protect you.

Furthermore, if you were to talk with others on the island about this strange behavior, they likely wouldn’t believe you. After all, it was the word of a newcomer against Kanoa, one of the most beloved members of Halo Halo, and there’s no way someone as bright and charming would hurt you. It’s not likely something anyone would say to your face, yet it would guilt you all the same.

Eventually, you can’t help but wonder to yourself if maybe you were too quick to judge Kanoa. He was a young man, and he was likely just overwhelmed by his emotions, and you misunderstood him. Perhaps if you were to just sit and talk with him, it would straighten everything out.

Your intention here was to sit with him and tell Kanoa he needed to respect your space and your emotions here. While you thought he was a great and admittedly quite attractive young man, the two of you weren’t meant for each other, and it was time to part ways.

For Kanoa, though, this was anything but a calm and rational discussion. Thinking that he was about to lose you forever, he would instantly assume he was but moments from losing you altogether. This would take his impulsivity right into the fight or flight territory, and he would kidnap you, bringing you to his home. Refusing to let you leave until he was positive you would never try to leave him again.

[theinkyisles]

take a break (i know a place where we can stay)

word count: 6553 warnings: alcohol, implied major character death, violence, blood ao3 link author’s notes: thank you to the aphverse discord server and aphblr for hyping me up!! thank you especially to bee (for the wonderful podcast), krow (for you absolutely delightful responses to the sneak peeks) and cyrus (for your cheering on and equally delightful comments to the sneak peeks <33) description: the four to five times that laurance tried to convince garroth to take a break and the two times he succeeded.

“Garroth, I swear to Irene that you are one of the most boring people alive.” Garroth rolled his eyes, keeping his attention on sharpening his sword. Laurance was leaning against the doorway to his quarters, his arms and expression crossed.

“Just because I prioritize the protection of the village over games doesn’t mean that I’m boring, Laurance, it means that I’m the head guard,” the blond replied. Laurance scoffed and lifted himself from off the doorway, making his way to sit next to his friend.

“At the academy, what did you do on your days off?” Garroth looked at Laurance questioningly, unsure where the conversation was going. Laurance motioned for him to answer.

“I don’t really remember,” he started, before pursing his lips. “I suppose I would just train for the next day, so that I wouldn’t get sloppy.” He turned back down to his sword and picked up a rag beside him to begin polishing. He saw Laurance shaking his head in the corner of his eye.

“What about as a kid? Before you left for the academy.” Garroth chuckled and shook his head.

“I know what you’re trying to do, Laurance, and it’s not going to work.” Laurance raised his eyebrows and turned to better face the head guard.

“Really? What am I trying to do? Please, enlighten me,” he said mockingly. Garroth sighed, set his sword down, and looked Laurance in the eye.

“You’re trying to get me to admit to a time when I took time off and how much better off I was for it,” he said wryly. “And it’s not going to work because I think we have established that having Garte as a father did not endear me to getting ‘breaks’.” Laurance stared at him, eyes wide in shock. The room was silent. Garroth sighed again and leaned back, using his hands to brace himself against the wooden bench. “You can set up this game night, if you’d like, but I will remain on patrol. It would be remiss of me not to.”

“What, so the rest of us get a break, but you have to be all holier-than-thou and self-sacrificing? Bullshit!” Garroth spluttered, turning slightly red in the face.

“Watch your language,” he whispered hysterically, “you can’t speak like that so loudly!” Laurance rolled his eyes.

“Oh, please, you prudish princess, no lady is going to faint because she heard me swear.” Garroth stammered for a response, but Laurance cut him off. “You need to take a break. If you pass out from working too hard, the Lady will not hesitate to kill me, you know that.” Garroth’s face turned an even brighter shade of red, and he looked away to the opposite side of the room.

“The Lady would do no such thing to you, we both know that.” He heard Laurance scoff.

“Please, we all know how fond of you she is. ‘Second-in-command’, aren’t you?”

“The Lady is plenty fond of you as well, Laurance,” Garroth shot back, a hint of irritability in his voice. Laurance gave him a deadpan look.

“She’s not in love with either of us, we know this,” Laurance said bitterly. Garroth scrunched his nose and then let himself rest his elbows against his knees. He kept staring at the floor.

“I am well aware.”

Minutes passed between them, Garroth leaning forward and Laurance resting his head against the wall behind the bench. It was so odd, being in love with the same woman as his best friend. They both knew she didn’t love them, but it didn’t stop them from pining piteously and squabbling like hormonal teenagers. Nevertheless, it allowed him to have a deeper understanding of Laurance’s character. There was something beating in both their chests; only the two of them really knew what it was and could truly comprehend the adrenaline rush and agonizing insecurities that came of it.

For all the pain that came with being in love with the same woman as his best friend, there was an awful lot of reward.

“I wasn’t kidding,” Laurance said, his soft voice breaking the silence.

“About?”

“The whole game night thing.”

“Oh.” Garroth exhaled harshly and sat up straight. He picked up his sword, which was laying length-side beside him on the bench. He grabbed his rag off the floor where he dropped it and got back to polishing the grimy blade. Laurance scoffed and Garroth heard his friend’s head thump against the wall in frustration.

“This is your passive-aggressive way of telling me that you’re not gonna join, isn’t it?”

“You know me so well.”

-

The winter days were short, but the nights lasted an eternity. Being by the water endeared the village of Phoenix Drop to hazardous cold weather and dreaded slush that seeped through even the thickest of fur-lined leather boots. Moving around in chilled chainmail was the worst of it all, ice growing quickly in the crevices of the armor, despite how often the patrol would slip inside the guard tower to soak up the heat of the fire. Assassins and spies and thieves came in more frequently in the winter, the snow and cloud cover giving them the perfect camouflage. Barely a day went by without the jail cells being filled to the brink. Most nights, the small unit of guards in the tiny village ended their days at the make-shift tavern in the plaza, warming their frozen hands by the fire and their shivering social lives with a pint. Laurance joined them, more often than not, reminiscing in his mind of the times in Meteli where Ulrich and Glenda would join him in drunken song as they stumbled home. On one notable occasion, Sasha had joined them after a long day and he woke up the next morning, a white hyacinth on his nightstand and warm, empty sheets beside him.

Garroth never stepped foot inside the tavern, other than to drag Dale out by his hair. The other guards complained of how much of a hard-ass he was to them and Laurance was inclined to agree. He pushed the guards to rigorous training levels, often forcing them to come in on their days off. Patrols went on longer and they went out farther and the guards were gone for hours in the cold without a fire to heat their skin and bones. It was practically inhumane, to the point that Laurance humorously wondered who really was the Shadow Knight between the two of them.

Though he never voiced it to the other guards, he understood Garroth’s twisted reasoning. The winter season was a stressful time for a head guard, as Laurance had come to learn during his time in Meteli. People needed feeding so you had to watch for thieves stealing from stores and occasional shipment of goods. People couldn’t be fed without a lord to delegate the storage and rations, so you had to keep a strict eye on potential assassins. Not to mention that the weather was draining on anyone’s morale and sometimes it felt like drowning yourself in patrol and training was the only way to get through to the break of sun through the clouds. He watched as Garroth sulked off after training, observed as he marched across the village during patrol, noted when he caught another criminal and tossed them into one of the few jail cells they had.

It was disgustingly depressing and Laurance wasn’t going to let this go on for any longer.

“Guards, I have scheduled another training session for tomorrow,” Garroth announced after the day patrol had returned. “Be here before sunrise or I will come knocking at your doors and I doubt your wives and children will be too pleased about that.” A loud groan came from Brian, and Dale threw his helm halfheartedly in Garroth’s direction. It hit the ground with a clunk and Laurance could feel Garroth staring at it disapprovingly, even if he couldn’t see his eyes through the helm. Even Dante, who sported the optimism and drive common in young guards, smacked his head gently against the stone wall of the guards’ meeting place. “You all are dismissed.”

Laurance watched as Garroth turned on his toes and walked his way out of the room, his steel-toed boots clunking against the ground. “Lauraaaance,” Dante whined, his voice muffled by his face being smushed into the wall. “Can’t you talk some sense into him? These extra sessions are driving me nuts.” Dale threw his hand up in agreement, pointing it in Dante’s direction.

“I’ve barely seen my wife and daughter this week!” Dale added. Brian nodded; his eyes were half-lidded with exhaustion. “Brian and I have been just passing out at home and then His Majesty just busts down the door as if we don’t need to sleep!” Laurance pursed his lips, looking at the direction Garroth stalked off in.

“I’ll talk to him,” he said finally, “we’re probably not the only ones sick and tired of this.”

-

“Alright, asshole, spit it out, what’s going on with you?” Garroth barely jumped as the door slamming open against the stone, but his shoulders tensed at the swear. His helm covered his face and neck, but Laurance could only imagine how red in the face his friend was.

“Laurance, by Irene, if I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a million times, you can’t say those things so loudly!” Laurance tossed his head back in frustration, groaning dramatically.

“Garroth, you’re a boring princess from O’khasis, let me live a little.” Garroth shook his head, still obviously flustered. Laurance marched across the room, throwing himself onto Garroth’s bed.

“You are going to fix those sheets when you get up or I’m going to lock you out tonight,” Garroth said, pointedly not looking in Laurance’s direction.

“I’d probably do it wrong, anyways, Mr. I-Had-Servants-To-Do-My-Chores.” Garroth made a face and opened his mouth to retort but nothing came out. “I’m right, aren’t I?”

“Oh, be quiet,” Garroth grumbled.

“I don’t think I will, actually,” Garroth spared a glance to where Laurance was sitting on his bed, probably rolling his eyes beneath his helm at the Cheshire grin spread across his friend’s face.

“What are you even here for? I thought you liked to go down to the tavern after patrols.” Laurance laid down on the bed, kicking his feet up onto the footboard. “Don’t you dare get dirt on those sheets.”

“Piss off, Garroth, I have a sister, I know better than that.” He clasped his hands beneath his head, supporting his neck, and shuffled to get comfy on the stiff, hay mattress. “And to answer your question, I am on a mission.”

“A mission,” Garroth said flatly.

“Yes, a mission.” Laurance heard Garroth sigh, and smiled slightly to himself.

“And what would that mission be?” Garroth droned, only barely playing along to Laurance’s scheming.

“My mission,” Laurance stated proudly, “is to get you, sir I-perpetually-have-a-stick-up-my-ass, to give the rest of us a break.”

“What.” Laurance snickered, pulled a hand out from beneath his head, holding it up in a “don’t look at me” fashion. He could practically feel Garroth's glare grow stronger.

“The guards are tired. I’m tired. These extra training sessions are killing us.” Laurance turned onto his side, keeping one arm tucked under his head. “I get that the winter is hard, Garroth,” his voice becoming softer, “but you can’t have guards and work them to death too.”

The room fell silent. It hit Laurance that Garroth was still dressed head-to-toe in armor, as if he was about to go on another patrol, despite Dante having just head out for one himself. His sword shone brightly at his side, but his friend was hunched over the small dresser he had in his quarters, clutching at the end of the wood. His hands trembled, shaking the dresser with it with a gentle clink-clink against the uneven floor.

“Garroth?”

“How long were you head guard at Meteli?” Laurance blinked, unprepared for the question. He sat up slowly, letting his feet fall from the footboard onto the ground.

“I- I’m not sure, to be honest,” he started.

“What’s your best guess?”

“Maybe…three, four years? I was sixteen when I graduated from the training academy, so I would’ve been twenty when I took over as head guard. My dad-” Laurance’s voice caught in his throat and tears burned at the corner of his eyes. Garroth shifted slightly to glance at him, but Laurance ducked his head down. “The lord of Meteli died six months before I met the Lady.” Laurance swallowed hard, breathing in deeply to get rid of the lump in his throat. “It’s hard, when feelings get involved.” Laurance said, his voice solemn. A beat passed and he shrugged his shoulders nonchalantly. “Doesn’t give you a pass to beat your guards down to the point where you don’t have any left.”

“You still don’t understand,” Garroth said quietly.

“Try me,” Laurance shot back.

“In Meteli,” he started, “you had a wide array of guards underneath your command, correct?”

“Yes, I did.” Laurance wiggled further back along the bed, letting his body lean against the wall the bed was pushed up against. “Where is this going?”

“You had several well-trained guards at your beckon and call, many older than you and with more experience,” Garroth continued, acting as if he hadn’t heard Laurance’s question, his voice getting louder with each word. “Meaning that you didn’t have to worry about a father and son with zero technique with a baby girl and a wife and mother at home!” Laurance’s eyes blinked in surprise and he sat up on the bed. “It means that you didn’t have to deal with the fact that if a sixteen-year-old dies on your watch, you will have to hunt down his family and tell them about how it is your fault he died!”

“Garroth, wait-”

“You don’t have-” Garroth choked on his own words, forcing himself to swallow. “You weren’t here when she first arrived,” he whispered, his voice shaking with emotion. “If she dies, that’s it for Phoenix Drop. That’s it for the entire region. We have no more second chances.” Laurance could see the barely suppressed sobs shaking Garroth’s body.

He got up from the bed and gently put his hands on Garroth’s shoulder. If even possible, he felt his friend tense even further beneath his hands, but he applied a bit of pressure against the shoulder plates and Garroth forced his shoulders to drop. Laurance reached underneath the shoulder plates, undoing the leather straps he knew were hidden beneath the cape that denoted Garroth’s position as head guard. The two plates were swiftly thrown to the floor, clanking as they hit the stone. As soon as the cloak fluttered to the ground, some amount of tension released from Garroth’s shoulder. Slowly, Laurance went for the buckles for the chainmail sleeves and armor they all wore beneath their tunics. It slid to the ground, and when Garroth seemed to make a move to pick it up, Laurance gave him a kick behind the knees. “Don’t move, this is hard enough as it is.” His friend didn’t say anything back.

Soon the belt and scabbard were also on the floor and the diamond sword was in its proper rack. At this point, Garroth was like a rag doll, held up only by leaning against the dresser, his hands struggling to keep their grip against the wood. Laurance gently lifted the helm from his friend’s head, setting it on the top of the dresser. He pressed gently against Garroth’s side and his friend all but collapsed into him. They stumbled over to the bed a few paces away and Laurance lay Garroth down, making sure his head hit the pillow.

As soon as Garroth seemed comfortable, Laurance sunk down to the ground, sitting so that his side was pressed up against the bed frame and he was facing the head of the bed.

“You need a break,” he whispered, grabbing onto his friend’s hand. “We all need a break.” Garroth nodded and turned his head towards the wall, closing his eyes and exhaling. Laurance watched as his friend’s breathing evened out, and, content that Garroth wasn’t going to go anywhere anytime soon, rested his head against the edge of the mattress frame. He could barely think a thought before he was fast asleep, clutching his friend’s hand and curled up on the stone floor.

When he woke up, maybe an hour later, he was laying on top of a cold bed in room suspiciously devoid of armor and a certain diamond sword and shield.

“Damnit, Garroth.”

-

“Laurance!” said guard turned to look over his shoulder at his name being called to find his lord waving at him as she walked down the road he was patrolling. “What are you doing this lovely spring day? Isn’t Garroth giving you guys a day off for today? It is so nice down by the docks,” she said excitedly. Laurance smiled.

“I volunteered to patrol for part of the day but I’m taking a break after I walk around for a bit more, if you’d like to walk with me till then?” Laurance offered out his hand and Aphmau giggled, her cheeks turning red. His heart beat a bit faster as Aphmau looped her arm around his. They walked down the side street of the small village, his Lady in one arm and his sword in the other. “How is your day going, milady?”

“Levin and Malachi have been getting along really well, so I took them both down to visit the docks for a bit! Levin is used to being inside all day, but after centuries of being inside a castle, Malachi is a bit of a restless spirit.” She paused for a moment, before laughing. “Accidental pun!” Laurance chuckled.

“I’m glad that he’s adjusting well to Phoenix Drop. Can’t be easy being him,” Laurance murmured and Aphmau nodded in agreement.

“How’s Garroth doing?” she asked casually and Laurance’s heart drooped for a moment at the attention being drawn to his romantic rival and friend. He shook his head internally, forcing himself to not think about it. That would be saved for when he didn’t have the love of his life right in front of him.

“He’s fine,” he said cautiously, “I think he’s glad for winter to be over.” Aphmau furrowed her brow, looking up at Laurance in confusion.

“Oh? Why’s that?” Laurance quirked his lips questioningly. He would’ve thought that as lord, she would have known the trouble the head guard went through during the winter, especially since half of it was making sure that she didn’t die midway through the season.

“Well, guard heads usually have to increase security because of an increased threat of thieves sneaking in,” he explained. Aphmau made a little ‘oh’ in understanding and he took it as his cue to keep talking. “Not to mention, it’s much harder to keep our little lord alive with all of those assassinations attempt coming from O’khasis.”

“What?!” she exclaimed. “What assassination attempts?”

“The ones you aren’t supposed to know about, milady,” said a voice coming from behind them. The pair turned around to find Garroth, without his helm. “But Laurance has never been keen on keeping his mouth shut when he needs to.”

“Oy,” Laurance laughed, “not all of us can be the oh so perfect Sir Garroth.” Garroth rolled his eyes, his cheeks lighting up only the slightest bit red.

“Laurance was telling me about all the stuff you had to do during the winter, since you’re the head guard,” Aphmau said, before turning on Garroth with a pout. “Why didn’t you tell me you were so stressed? I would’ve done something to help out.” At his expression, it almost looked as if her words had physically hit Garroth in the chest and Laurance had to keep from laughing at Garroth’s incessant stammering.

“W-well, I just didn’t want to bother you, my Lady.” Aphmau pouted even further and red started creeping up Garroth’s neck. “Besides, I kept everything fairly well-balanced, it wasn’t that difficult of a winter.”

“Bullshit!” Laurance sang out, a cheeky grin making its way onto his face at Garroth’s suddenly straining smile and betrayed look in his eyes. “I tried to get him to take a break so many times, but someone has issues.”

“Laurance,” Garroth said warningly. Laurance sheathed his sword and held his hand up in a defensive motion.

“I just speak the truth,” Laurance said, a mock-innocent tone in his voice. He turned to Aphmau stage-whispering, “I even tried to start a weekly game night at the guard tower, but he completely shut me down!” Aphmau gasped.

“Oh, a game night! That would be so fun, wouldn’t it, Garroth?” she asked, clutching tighter onto Laurance’s arm as she bounced on her toes. “I could build you guys an extra space at the tower so you could play! I’m sure there are some board games we could ask Logan to order and I’m sure KC could get snacks-” she stopped, squinting slightly before looking up at the two men. “I’m getting ahead of myself, aren’t I?” Laurance laughed.

“Just a bit, Aph,” he said, his voice slightly apologetic. “But…now that you’re on board with my idea, I’m sure you could convince Garroth to allow it, right?” He made eye contact with Garroth over the top of Aph’s head, trying not to chuckle when his friend made several non-discreet ‘cut it out’ gestures.

Aph spun on her toes to face Garroth, letting go of Laurance’s arm to grab onto Garroth’s free hand. “Gar, it would be so cool if you guys would have a game night. You could be…” she gasped dramatically, “game knights! Like with a ‘K’!” She giggled and peered up at him through her eyelashes. Laurance crossed his arm and smirked as Garroth visibly melted beneath her gaze. “Please, Gar? For me?”

“A-ah, well, it would take sig-significant planning, I would think,” Garroth stammered, desperately trying to avert his eyes. Something caught his attention and Laurance quirked his head to the side, trying to figure out what he was looking at. “Besides,” he began slowly, a sly smirk spreading across his face, “didn’t Laurance promise to help Cadenza show off some of her new clothes? Wouldn’t you want to help out with that?” Laurance’s eyes widened and he followed Garroth’s gaze to where his sister was loading some new ridiculous new dresses into the glass display cases. Aphmau gasped.

“Oh my gosh, you’re right!” Aphmau exclaimed. “Laurance, you are gonna look so pretty in that green dress over there. Cadenza!” She grabbed Laurance’s arm, dragging him down the street to his sister’s shop.

“Wh- wait! Hey!” He tripped over his cloak, completely caught off guard by the sudden shift in attention. Behind him, he could hear his friend chucking quietly. “Oh, fuck you, Garroth!” he shouted, throwing up his middle finger. “I’ll get you to take a break one of these days!”

-

“Garroth!” he shouted. Through the rain and mud and clamor, he managed to get his friend’s attention. “Garroth, where have you been, it’s been hours-” Garroth stumbled forward and Laurance reached out to grab him. Garroth stabilized himself against Laurance’s bracers, but his feet were still unsteady beneath him and Laurance could feel his friend swaying slightly. “Are you okay?” Garroth only clenched his eyes shut, panting heavily before spitting out saliva and what looked like a tooth onto the blood-stained ground. His grip on Laurance’s bracers tightened and he pitched forward slightly. “Okay, it’s alright, Gar, I’ve got you.” Laurance scanned the horizon, all too aware of the incoming soldiers and his friend’s uneven breathing against his chest. “We’re gonna get you help.”

He and Garroth stumbled behind an old, abandoned shop and Laurance pressed them both against the wall, watching with anxious eyes as the guards of the city passed by them, some general shouting orders over the stomping of feet against the cobblestone ground. As soon as the path was clear, he pulled them further down the alley into the shadows. He carefully laid Garroth against the wall and he winced as his friend spasmed in pain. “I didn’t expect there to be guards so far in the forest,” Garroth groaned, rolling his head back as he clenched his fists. “The patrol never went out that far when I lived here.”

“They probably expanded their routes to try and spot incoming armies after we announced the new alliance,” Laurance hypothesized, making quick work of Garroth’s armor in an attempt to find where the bleeding seeping through his friend’s tunic was coming from. “It makes sense. I should’ve stayed with you, I should’ve seen this coming.” Garroth started shaking his head before Laurance finished speaking.

“No- gah, be careful, would you?”

“Sorry.”

“You shouldn’t have stayed with me, Laurance,” Garroth continued, his voice getting breathy as Laurance started prodding around the edges of the, admittedly, gruesome wound. He had to find Garroth someone with healing magicks for this to heal and quick. Where he would find someone with healing magicks willing to help them was another story. “There were so many of them, you would’ve been kil-“ his voice spun off into a low groan, tears slipping down his dirt-stained cheeks. Laurance tightened the cloth he ripped from the bottom of his jacket around the wound and pulled out some thin cloth bandages he had the foresight to shove into his pocket on the way out of their camp where Garroth had stayed.

“I’m sorry,” Laurance whispered. Garroth reached out to grab the side of Laurance’s face and pull him down so their foreheads were touching.

“You’re doing the best you can,” Garroth said. “You’re a good friend and a good guard, Laurance.” The ginger chuckled, his voice slightly hysterical as he pulled away and shoved bandages beneath the tightened cloth to try and staunch the bleeding.

“You’re being oddly sentimental, Gar,” Laurance commented as he tried to try the chainmail back to the shoulder plates. “You’re not allowed to be sentimental right now, we’ve gotta get you back to-” Garroth tightened his grip on his friend’s face, forcing Laurance to look him in the eye. The expression of sheer determination and acceptance scared Laurance. Garroth looked like a man who had seen his own death foretold before him and was ready for it.

Laurance wasn’t ready for Garroth to die.

“The wound is too great, Laurance, we both know that,” Garroth panted. “I’ll die of blood loss before we even make it to the city limits, with all the guards out there.” He adjusted his grip on Laurance’s face, straining to pull his other arm up to hold his friend’s face between both hands. “You will replace me as head guard, alright? You will-” Laurance tried to pull away but Garroth kept him there. “You will protect Lady Aphmau and you will love her in honor of me.” Laurance kept trying to shake his head, tears burning the corners of his eyes.

“You will not die, Garroth, not now,” Laurance said, his voice cracking. Garroth smiled sadly and his thumb chased over the swell of his friend’s cheek. “You can’t die, please.” The determination in Garroth’s eyes became cloudy and the grip on Laurance’s face faltered. The sound of marching came ‘round the corner and Garroth’s eyes fluttered shut, his breath stuttering and uneven.

“You there! You and Garroth Ro’maeve are under arrest for treason! Surrender immediately or face death!” a guard shouted from behind them.

The outskirts of Laurance’s vision pulsed with red, in time with the beating of Garroth’s slowing heart. The voice of the guard came closer and the sharp sound of a sword being pulled from its scabbard matched the shutting of his best friend’s eyes, for what might be the last time. Hot tears spilled down his cheeks, clouding his vision as the world all of a sudden became crystal clear. The red crept closer and closer, seeping into his eyes as time seemed to slow around him. His veins glowed scarlet as his brightened eyes cast an eerie shadow against his friend’s bloody face. He grabbed his sword from beside him and the world’s clock rushed to match his speed as he spun around on his knees just in time for the other guard’s sword to meet his own.

“You will pay.”

-

They almost hadn’t made it in time.

Laurance remembers running through the village gates, Dante right on his heel, demanding to know what had happened. He burst into the old farm house, shouting at everyone and anyone who was in hearing distance to get Kiki and a doctor. Dante and Brian had to drag him kicking and screaming away from Garroth’s body so that their friends could actually help Garroth.

It wasn’t his best moment, he’ll admit.

That had been three days ago. Kiki, while not versed in the practice of healing magicks, had a healing touch of her own and Garroth seemed to be pulling through. He refused to wake up though, meaning that for three days, Laurance had been sleeping on the floor of the old farm house, ears straining to hear the steady in-and-out of his friend’s breathing. Aphmau had come to visit, a stack of board games in her arms. He almost threw her out at the sight of the games, the thought that he came so close to never being able to teach Garroth how to play a child’s game making him sick to his stomach.

She seemed so less distraught over Garroth’s potential death than he was and for a split second, he wondered if she even cared about them, or if they were just pawns to her.

He shook his head, as if trying to physically remove the thoughts from his brain. She just hadn’t been there when the guards found them. She was removed from the situation; it didn’t mean she cared any less about Garroth.

Laurance had his back to the side of the bed, leaning against the wooden frame. There were blankets and pillows everywhere on his side of the room, evidence to his restless sleeping habits. He tried to keep it neat but felt it futile after they just kept getting thrown around during his nightmares. He picked up one of the closest fabrics, rubbing it gently between his fingers. “Garroth, you had better wake up soon,” he whispered, more to himself than to his unconscious friend. “I’m going stir-crazy here.”

“Good thing-” a raspy voice called out, before devolving into a coughing fit. Laurance twisted around from where he was sitting to find his friend propped up on one arm with the other lightly smacking his chest to try and get the cough out. Laurance scrambled to his feet and braced one knee on the mattress to gently grab Garroth underneath his arms to help him sit up further. “Good thing I’m awake now,” Garroth finished, panting slightly. Laurance didn’t say anything, his tongue heavy in his mouth.

He knew Garroth would wake up at one point. He fought so hard for his friend to stay alive; he wouldn’t just let him pass in his sleep. But it seemed so surreal to have Garroth talking to him, especially after having night terror after night terror of his friend’s blood on his hands. He kept Garroth propped up and slid in behind him, reaching down to unbuckle his boots before throwing his leg over the mattress. Without a word, he pulled Garroth so that his back met Laurance’s chest. Laurance waited a second for Garroth to protest, but the other man didn’t say anything, so he buried his face in his friend’s hair, wrapping his arms around his friend’s uninjured chest. Garroth reached up an arm to grab Laurance’s hands where they were clasped above his heart. “I’m alive, Laurance,” he whispered. “I haven’t gone anywhere.”

“But you did,” came the broken response. “You didn’t see how you looked in O’khasis. You knew you were going to die, you didn’t try to fight it or anything-” Laurance cut himself off with a dry sob. Garroth pressed his weight back against his friend.

“I’m here now,” Garroth stated resolutely. “You haven’t lost anyone. I’m right here.” He squeezed Laurance’s hand. “I promise you, I’m not going anywhere, because there’s this very annoying man that I know,” Laurance laughed wetly, shaking his head in Garroth’s curls, “he keeps making sure that I don’t die in some back-alley.”

“Someone’s gotta do it,” Laurance murmured. “Not like you have the best track record of taking care of yourself.” Garroth’s shoulders shook with a silent laugh before he hissed in pain, shoulders curling in. “Everything okay? Is it bleeding through?”

Garroth shook his head, though his breathing was heavy. He leaned his head back into the crook of Laurance’s neck. “It’s just your standard battle wound,” he said, sounding tired.

“You should rest some more,” Laurance murmured, but Garroth shook his head.

“I don’t want to leave you alone after just waking up.” Laurance felt his heart swell to the point of bursting and tears burned in the corners of his eyes.

“I’ll be okay, Gar, I’d be better if you actually took a break for once in your life.” Laurance unclasped his hands to reach one up to run through his friend’s greasy, limp hair. “You’ve gotta stop sacrificing yourself for others so much. I’m scared for you.” Garroth just exhaled a chuckle.

“But then I wouldn’t be…well, me,” Garroth whispered. “I’ve got to make up my mistakes somehow, Laurance.” Laurance shook his head, but didn’t say anything else.

“Sleep, Gar,” Laurance said, “you won’t be letting anyone down by doing so.”

“If you say so.”

-

After Garroth woke up the second time, Laurance had gone and fetched Kiki and the doctor and they pronounced Garroth alive and semi-healthy. The threat of infection was still prevalent, but they let Garroth return to the guard tower to continue healing. Kiki had pulled Laurance aside, making sure he knew to force Garroth to rest, otherwise the wound would never heal. Laurance only laughed, and promised to sit on the man if he had to.

Much like Laurance was while waiting Garroth to wake up, the head guard was restless. He kept trying to walk about the tower, resisting all attempts to actually sit down, saying that he had to get back to his duties as soon as possible. The times Laurance weren’t around, Brian and Dante told him about Dale picking Garroth up by the legs and almost tying Garroth to his bed just so that he would sleep.

They finally got that game room set up, courtesy of Lord Aphmau. Without being able to patrol, Garroth was constantly itching to do new things to occupy his mind and Laurance finally broke through his friend’s resolve against the supposedly wretched game night. That’s where they were now, Garroth propped up by what seemed like hundreds of pillows on Laurance’s right and Dante and Brian to his left. He held up a stack of cards, all in different colors.

“Okay!” he started, “Welcome, everyone, to the first game night.” Dante cheered and Brian snickered at Garroth’s playfully annoyed expression. “The Lady was kind enough to ask Logan to find some games for us to play and, since this night was my wonderful idea-” Garroth rolled his eyes, “I can see you being snarky over there, Mr. Head Guard, don’t think I won’t drag you back upstairs to your room.” Brian outright laughed at that. “Anyways!” Laurance continued, “we’re playing Uno. My sister and I would play this a lot.”

He explained the rules and dealt out the cards for a trial round. Almost immediately, Brian used his plus-two card on Laurance and Garroth and Dante had the gall to laugh. “Watch it, kid,” he warned, but Brian just shot him a sneaky smirk in return.

The game continued as everyone made sure to stack the odds against Laurance. Brian, Dante, and Garroth had this infuriating way of making hand signals to ensure that they stacked up at least three plus-two cards so that when Laurance’s turn came around, he would have to pick up even more cards. The final straw was drawn when Dante pulled out his final and remaining card, a wild plus-four, and dropped into the deck. The room was silent before Laurance lunged for Dante and the younger guard screeched. Brian choked on a gasp, laughing at the same time, while Garroth just shook his head with a smile. Dante and Laurance rolled over a few times, tussling against the cold stone floor, each one trying to pin the either. Laughter filled the room as Dante tickled his fingers against a patch on Laurance’s ribs. “Cheater!” Laurance shouted, laughter breaking up his words. “You’re a damned cheater, Dante!”

“You never said it was against the rules!”

“Oh, you – get over here, you Irene-damned menace-” Laurance barreled into Dante’s stomach, sweeping him up and over Laurance’s shoulder. Dante began kicking, slamming his fists into Laurance’s back, but the pair still stumbled through the balcony doors connected to the game room. Brian watched in unrestrained awe and glee, while Garroth’s shoulders shook with silent laughter. “Stop wiggling, you bastard child, I will dangle you over the parapet, watch me-”

“Put me down, I demand it! A guard of Phoenix Drop should never be put in such a compromising position,” Dante shrieked, his flailing legs getting dangerously close to kicking Laurance’s face.

“Oh, you want me to put you down, huh?” With a gleeful smile, Laurance quickly maneuvered the wiggling teen so that he was holding him up by the underarms and used momentum to toss his friend’s legs over the balcony wall.

“You maniac,” Dante screamed, grabbing at Laurance’s arms, “I’m gonna die, get back to the other side- Laurance, stop jiggling me, Irene, have mercy on my soul!” Booming laughter came through the balcony doors and Laurance turned his head to find Garroth practically on the floor, tears of joy streaming down his face. A wide, earnest smile unwittingly broke across Laurance’s face and his grip on Dante faltered. “Laurance, you’re dropping me!” Eyes wide, Laurance turned his face back to watch as Dante slipped from his grip. He shot forward, grabbing the guard by the shirt and yanking him over the edge of the parapet. They both stumbled back, falling onto the ground. They panted with exertion, broken by Laurance’s hysterical giggles. “Can’t believe you almost killed me, have you no shame?!”

“Oh, come on, Dante,” Garroth’s voice came through the doors, “you have to admit that that was at least the slightest bit humorous.” Dante shot to his feet, stalking back into the room

“You won’t be saying that when I dangle you over the edge of the tower-”

“Wait, no, Dante, I surrender-!” Laurance cackled as Dante picked up one of the pillows, smacking Garroth over the head.

“Go, Dante, beat his ass!” Brian cheered.

Laurance smiled as Garroth’s laughter and Dante’s shrieking and Brian’s cheering washed over him. His vision went cloudy for the first time in days and his grin felt like it was splitting his face.

It was a good day.

[cosmic-navel-gazin]

In which I chronicle my Legacy of Kain journey and bridge it with your boy Adam Warlock! (Part 5 of many, and MASSIVE, I MEAN, HUMOUNGOUS SPOILERS for Soul Reaver 2 and the 1970’s Warlock)

Awwwwwwwww yeah we are going there, these compositions are most definitely on purpose.

This is where I realize that my true purpose in this world is to draw and talk about obscure or forgotten works of fiction, and I embrace this destiny. 

Ladies and gents, laughing times are over (not really though), sh*t gets very real again.

I guess it’s a bit late for this but if you have even the slightest interest in checking any of these properties out, do yourself a favor and go experience them first hand. If you just want to see me lose my mind and don’t really care about spoilers then please, proceed.

You know, when I started this little crossover of sorts, I was just having a laugh you know? It was just a cute little thing, I’ll write this one post and maybe I’ll get enough material for a second one and that’s it. THIS IS THE SEVENTH POST (even though it says Part 5). 

Never, and I do mean never in my wildest dreams did I think I would be here one day, talking about having your past and your time-travelling-future selves meet and clash, of seeing your sanctimonious attitude and overall the worst about yourself personified and given free reign to go on bloodthirsty crusades showing off how much of a hypocrite you’ve bee- but wait, I am getting a bit ahead of myself. 

I’ll get there I promise, let’s go back a bit.

Where we last left off, we managed to travel back to an even more distant past than we’ve been before. To the time of the great Vampire Purge, so that Raziel can meet this infamous ancient vampire who knows all the lore and might have the answers we seek on what exactly is causing the corruption of our world.

As we step out into this era of History we notice the fields covered with the Sarafan Order banners, and the impaled corpses and chopped-off heads of vampires. No different no doubt from the kindness vampires showed mankind later when they gained the upper hand during Kain’s 1.000 year old reign. Raziel seems a bit distraught by the sight since he assumed the Sarafan to be virtuous and heroic:

“For all the butchery of Moebius’s crusade, this massacre was somehow more chilling. The killing fields of the Sarafan betrayed a kind of orderly ruthlessness, the cold-blooded righteousness of the true believer.”

“Here at last in the flesh, I beheld my former brothers-in-arms, the warrior-priests of the Sarafan order; their lives devoted solely to the annihilation of the vampire plague. And while I confess I felt a twinge of longing, a pang of grief for what I had believed was my lost virtue, I regarded them now with none of the reverence I formally felt. For I had seen the human face of the vampires, and now I beheld the monstrousness of these men.”

While on the topic of genocidal holy wars, my boy Adam here had a bit of a run with a similar pious little group that goes by the name of Universal Church of Truth, who were going about doing a bit of cleaning throughout the galaxy:

Things don’t go so well:

Interestingly enough, I’ve learned of a deleted cutscene for Soul Reaver 2 that plays out very similarly to Adam’s first encounter with this “holy” order. There was this minor female vampire character that was being hunted down and would be executed by vampire hunters right in front of Raziel.

This scene was probably removed because they knew that almost 20 years later there would be some asshole on the internet trying to compare their games to obscure marvel comics of the 70’s.

But yeah bummer for Adam here, we’re a couple of pages in and he’s already failed to save someone. However, through the power of the Soul Gem, he’s able to retain her soul for a brief moment, letting us know more about these holy inquisitors:

Some of these methods don’t seem that far off from the Sarafan, especially on the twisting of good intentions part, but on a galactic scale:

Aye, a great bunch o’ fellas all around, if you submit and “fit in”:

Damn.

Hush Adam, I’ll get back to your predicament give me a moment. I just want the good people at home to keep both this church and the Magus, the god they worship in mind for later.

Now, back to the game. In the Sarafan Stronghold during the first hour of gameplay, Raziel made comments on the vampire he’s currently seeking while looking at some stained glass depictions:

“So this was the legendary Janos Audron - reputed to have been the most ancient and diabolical vampire to have ever existed. According to folklore, he lived high in the cliffs of Nosgoth’s northern mountains, and preyed mercilessly on the defenseless villagers below. His reign of terror ended when the Sarafan finally hunted him down and tore his throbbing heart from his still-living body. (…) But I wondered - could Janos Audron truly have been as monstrous as depicted here? Or was this merely artistic licence by the Sarafan, who sought to lionize themselves by demonizing their darkest enemy?

Keep these stained glass images in mind, they’ll also be important shortly. Neetheless to say, the hype was very real to meet this Janos Audron.

And as I kept hearing about this gentleman, I thought: “I really love this cast of pricks, where everyone speaks in half truths and is hiding something and has some hidden agenda, but you know, I kind of wish there was some slim ray of hope, of goodness and honor, just some good old plain chivalry and honesty. Maybe this Janos lad won’t be as bad as he was depicted back in the Sarafan Stronghold.” 

It took us a while but we’re finally make it to his retreat.

I really love the entire segment, the hopelessness and feeling of dread while making your way through this place, probably my favourite puzzle area of the game.  I also really love the music and architecture here.

When we do make it to the top, BOY OH BOY were my prayers answered!

Lo and behold, enter Raziel’s new daddy/mentor figure, my man JANOS AUDRON! Proabably the one decent and kind creature I’ve seen yet in these games (if you don’t count helpless human npcs who are just trying to live their lives but are caught in all these wars, slaughter and destruction).

FINALLY an understanding, moderate, compassionate man in the midst of all the lies and deception. I love him! Oh and he has what seems to be a Romanian accent. Maybe a nod to the granddaddy of all vampires: Dracula? I think his design is cool as well, so that helps.

Before we go into huge lore dumps and while on the topic of having a brief father/mentor figure for your protagonist when he’s utterly lost, alone and confused, I thought I’d bridge it with Adam’s own once foster parent, the High Evolutionary:

From the few minutes you get to know these dads they’re very different characters with different backstories and motivations. Janos is this sad lonely old man, the last of the ancient vampires and one who has been keeping himself alive solely for his sense of duty. 

While the High Evolutionary was once a man called Herbert Wyndham who performed an experiment that evolved him into a godlike being. This experience proved to be such an assault on his senses and perceptions that he chose to encase himself in this armour. Like the name suggests he is obsessed with genetic manipulation and tampering of various kinds, it is his life’s ambition. 

Despite his somewhat villainous appearance, he’s never portrayed as such from what little I’ve read, he’s just…a bit creepy. Like, he takes Adam in and is super stoked about adopting him, but he also values him not so much as a person per se as you and me would, but more as one would value an impressivly carved piece of work:

I don’t know, maybe it’s his metal face that doesn’t emote much; his sometimes questionable morality; maybe it’s the fact that Adam was 5 years old at this point, a baby boy, and this pink armoured deity is super hyped about him; there’s something a bit unsettling about this guy. Have some more dubious quotes I’ve stumbled upon:

All in all, I think he did care about him, in his own strange way:

Anyway, what’s important is that these adoptive dads serve a somewhat similar purpose, and that is to push/urge our ”“”“"heroes”“”“” (I say with many quotation marks) into a more benevolant role: to guide them in their messianic mission and save a corrupted world. Basically there to provide a chance for them to be good boys. Up until now their track record leaves much to be desired, and they’ve been quite lost on what they’re supposed to be and do.

Raziel:

“So it’s all true, then - what Kain and Vorador have told me - I really am some kind of unholy vampire messiah…”

Janos:

“Unholy? -no. Messiah… perhaps.”

Raziel:

“I don’t like that word - it smells of martyrdom.”

Janos:

“Raziel, your role in this world’s destiny is more crucial - and more benevolent - than you’ve allowed yourself to believe. Your journey will not be easy - dark powers are allied against you.”

Oh and both dads give their sons their toys (Soul Reaver and Soul Gem):

Back to the meeting with Janos, we finally learn tons of things, both new and others that have been hinted at throughout, namely:

Janos has been living a life of a recluse, alone, on top of the Aerie;

Janos knows of Raziel (some old legend I think) and has been waiting for him to hand him over the Soul Reaver, saying it is the key to save Nosgoth;

The Pillars of Nosgoth were erected by the ancient vampires and they were the rightful guardians. Janos was called to be th 10th guardian, the Keeper of the Reaver;

Over time this ancient race started to die out, with their history slowly being forgotten;

Humanity prospered and since the Pillars choose their guardians from birth and vampires were no longer born, humans were called to be their guardians but were “wholly ignorant of their true purpose.”

The Circle of human guardians is led to believe (by whom we do not yet know) that vampires are a cancer in the world. Janos warns that “with their vampire purge, the members of the Circle have assaulted the very architects of the Pillars they are sworn to protect (…) With every vampire they kill, the humans are slitting their own throats.”

Janos being a cool level-headed guy here when Raziel says he must hate mankind for all the suffering they’ve brought to him:

“They fear what they don’t understand; and they despise what they fear. But no - I do not hate them.”

I find it funny how Raziel asks if humanity should be forgiven for trying to exterminate the vampire kind and doesn’t realize that: one, he himself was exterminating vampires just a couple of moments ago back in SR1; and two, how he is just like how Janos describes humanity to be:

“They don’t understand what they’re doing. They are simply unenlightened… and vulnerable to manipulation.”

Again, this last line, completely unlike a certain blue shambling corpse I know. Not like him AT ALL.

Then, as they head inside, we learn something odd as Janos presents Raziel with the Reaver. You see, the two times Raziel has been close to the Soul Reaver still in its physical form, reality started to bend and distort (I show it off in this previous post). 

When we met Kain and decided not to kill him, he explained that when: “two incarnations of the blade meet in time and space, a paradox is  created, a temporal distortion powerful enough to derail history”

This distortion, or sense of displacement however, is nowhere to be found now when Janos presents the blade to him. Raziel feels nothing and says that “this nothingness is somehow worse…” and to get it away from him.

We learn the Reaver was forged by the same ancient vampire race that erected the Pillars (which we’ve seen hinted at when we explored the land and came accross all sorts of old murals).

But now THIS is when the game first impales me through the heart.

Me and Janos are interrupted by the Sarafan warriors who arrive carrying Moebius’ Staff (which disables vampires to the point of being barely able to move at all).

And of course! OF COURSE! Of course the moment my boy Raziel finds a truly positive influence in his life to guide and enlinghten him, and that was willing to put himself in danger in order to save him… he is axed! HEART RIPPED FROM HIS CHEST!

And by whom you ask? Who would do such a deed and kill my last ray of hope?

WHY, ME! 

TWICE!

“Me” because I was the one to open an entrance to Janos’ up until then impenetrable retreat, and literally me: human Raziel of the Sarafan that lived during this time period and was head inquisitor!

A bit different from what was depicted back at the Sarafan Stronghold, we found several centuries later (putting the same image here again so you don’t have to scroll up to compare, am I swell or what?):

The Sarafan escape with Janos’ heart and the Reaver, while wraith Raziel has a final moment with Janos. 

This part destroys me:

Raziel:

“Forgive me; I’m sorry… I failed you.”

Janos: (gently)

“No, Raziel. Perhaps this was my true purpose - simply to save your life this once.”

Raziel: (distraught)

“While I have taken yours…”

That last bit is probably my favourite line-read in the entire series so far (which is the most impossible thing to choose since there are so many great ones). But I think it’s the overwhelming sadness in Raziel’s voice that makes it memorable, you’ve never seen him feel like this for another creature.

Breaks my stone hardened heart every time I listen to it. And here’s why I think it’s an effective emotional scene, even though we only get a few minutes with Janos before he is murdered - it is because of contrast. Up until now everyone you meet is some degree of a bad or manipulative person, and you don’t really have a true friend or someone to confide in, there’s no one that really brings out the best in Raziel and it sucks because there is potential there.  So when you introduce the apparently only decent and noble person in this god forsaken land and you’re so used to by now suspect and mistrust everyone, it is impactful because he was truth and honesty in a sea of deception and moral relativism. He was my light in the midst of the fog and the one who saw good in me. And right when you’re finally relaxing and getting confortable the game pulls the rug from under you.

Now, while on the topic of having your past and future meet, there was a little something about the meeting between Adam and the Universal Church of Truth that I’ve been saving up until now. If you remember, Adam was interrogating the young woman who was killed by the inquisitors about the church and the god they worship. When suddenly:

Good news is, Adam must’ve taken a left turn somewhere and ended up on the set for “Monty Python’s Life of Brian”, where he learned some latin:

This helped him quickly figure out the Magus’ identity:

Learn your dead tongues kids, you never know when it might come in handy when meeting your time travelling, thousands of years old future-self:

So as you can se, we have a similar self-discovery journey going on but reversed in a way. In Raziel’s case you play as his future self, who time travels back in time, meets his past self and sees what a hypocrite he’s been his entire life. In Adam’s case you follow his present self, who meets the Magus (his future self), who has travelled back in time 5.000 years, in which time he has built his empire. Meeting and confronting said empire/future self, leads Adam to see what a hypocrite he’s been his entire life. You see, both Adam and Raziel have always been their own worst enemy (their own shortcomings and character flaws). So it would be only natural that we get embodiments of the worst in them: Raziel, the human Sarafan Warrior and the Magus, their past and future selves respectively.

Oof, this was a long one, and I’ve reach the character limit. In the next post I’ll elaborate more on their characters and different selves; and we go through the roller-coaster of emotions that is the endgame for both these stories.

Look foward to me losing my mind even further while I go into time travelling, paradox shenanigans… oh, and look foward to happier times with COSMIC SUICIDE! See you in the near future.

[mobius-prime]

244. Sonic the Hedgehog #175

Oh, boy… Anyone who knows the comics will have been looking forward to this one. In the spirit of milestone issues tending to be big game-changers, this milestone is probably the most dramatic one yet. I will say that in my opinion it's not quite as cinematic as Endgame, which had a very season-finale feel to it, but as far as milestones goes, this issue is easily one of the best. I feel like anyone who really had major doubts about Ian's ability to steer the course of this comic probably ended up persuaded otherwise when this one came out. But enough of me hyping it up, let's take a look and see what all the fuss is about!

Eggman Empire

Writer: Ian Flynn Pencils: Tracy Yardley! Colors: Jason Jensen

As the Egg Fleet silently approaches Knothole, the Freedom Fighters, Chaotix, and assorted allies all chill in Freedom HQ, unaware of what's coming. Knuckles tries to convince the other Chaotix that something is wrong since Espio hasn't returned from his mission yet, but Julie-Su disagrees, saying that Espio is skilled and if anything would be offended that they came looking for him. Rouge, sensing an opportunity, butts in to reassure Knuckles that if he wants to go looking for his friend, she'll gladly help, which naturally pisses off Julie-Su to no end.

Don't get too complacent, Sonic. Bad things happen when you get complacent. In the brain trust room, Tails shows a little concern for Nicole, who's running a bit slowly, and she initiates a diagnostic on her systems while Tails and Rotor chat. Rotor shows concern for Tails' mental state, especially considering recent events, and notes that even after the Fiona thing was solved, he still seems a bit distant from his best friend. Tails admits that times have been hard for him lately, but reassures Rotor that he'll be fine, as he still has his friends around him and his parents around to take care of him.

And then Nicole sounds the alarm.

The roof is suddenly violently ripped off the base, revealing Snively in some kind of battle suit grinning down at the various occupants. Before anyone has time to think, he begins shooting off beams of energy, and one heads straight for Tails before Rotor pushes him away, getting hit in the spine with debris in the process. Energy beams hit Rotor, Rouge, Vector, and Julie-Su, disintegrating them before everyone else's horrified eyes.

Knuckles, enraged, tries to leap forward, but Mighty is already doing a pretty good job of holding off Snively all on his own, screaming in unrestrained fury over his vaporization of Ray. However, as soon as Snively gets a clear shot off and zaps Mighty away, Sonic prepares to leap in for a fight - only for Snively to sneer that he was only "the distraction" before flying off. Tails, Knuckles, and Amy, trapped under the rubble from the base, urge Sonic to rush out and save their families before more of Knothole falls. Unfortunately, Eggman has already been busy with the rest of the town.

Sonic shakes in horror as Eggman walks out of the fire, thinking Eggman has literally just killed everyone he's ever loved, but Eggman smugly informs him that they're not dead, only captured, having been transported to his Egg Grapes. This, of course, is probably the worst thing he could have told Sonic, because as we know, if Sonic sees even the tiniest ray of hope, the barest glimmer of a way out, he never, ever gives up. He and Eggman begin to fight, but it becomes clear very early on that despite his battle experience, Sonic is really no match for Eggman's new suit of battle armor. Eggman gloats as they fight, reminding Sonic of every failure he's ever had over the course of his entire life - his father's roboticized state, the deaths of Tommy and Sir Connery, even his complicated love life, using it all to rile him up.

Eggman claims that this is the real reason why the rest of the world refused to rally around Knothole during the king and queen's travels around the globe, because they knew they would never have a chance. Sonic furiously continues to fight, but Eggman informs him that he's studied Sonic and his capabilities his entire life, that the only reason Sonic is even able to take this much punishment without dying is due to the sheer amount of magic rings he's been exposed to, and that this suit is specifically designed to be able to counter literally anything Sonic might throw at him. When he gloats that Sonic has "reached his limit," Sonic appears to break, yelling "LIMIT?" over and over before taking off in the opposite direction.

Despite all his boastful claims, as Sonic races back far faster than any vehicle could ever go, Eggman appears to actually become a little nervous, bracing himself for the blow. Within seconds, Sonic has made it back into Knothole, and makes a beeline straight for Eggman…

…ouch.

Sonic does his best to continue to fight back, but he's exhausted and injured, and for once in his life, truly unable to win. Eggman beats on him a little more, reiterating with every blow what a failure he is and how helpless he is in his current situation, before picking a defeated Sonic up off the ground for one last word.

And with that, he tosses Sonic carelessly back onto the ground, leaving him broken and defeated.

This. This right here is the Eggman I love. Sure, the wacky and often mostly harmless villain archetype may be fun, but this is the reason that Eggman as a villain, especially in the comics, is so legitimately terrifying. He may seem affably evil, silly and ultimately not much of a threat when you interact with him one on one, but it's when he targets Sonic personally that things get very real, very fast. The Eggman of the comics in particular is very fond of legitimate psychological warfare, and in the end, he's not afraid to do whatever it takes, up to and including war crimes and brutal torture, to get what he wants.

That said, he does have one fatal flaw - the need to be feared. We've seen it lead to his downfall before, with his desire to let at least one survivor go at the end in order for word of his deeds to spread and cause fear. And in this case, he's made the worse mistake of all - out of everyone he could have let go, he chose Sonic. Sonic may be beaten and injured, but as Tails runs up, having freed himself from the rubble, he sits up and reassures Tails that he'll be fine and that the others are still alive. Tails is horrified by the destruction he sees around them, but Sonic stands up and tells him to rally the others - that they still have a chance to save everyone, and that as long as they're still breathing, they can turn this defeat around.

[daylightdreamt]

hello everyone, i’m karina and i’m so hyped to be here and bring my baby rumor to life !! i can’t wait to get to know all of you and your lovely muses and see how everything goes down here !! like this if you want to plot and i’ll hit u up !! mwah

if you want his annoyingly long full ass bio you can read it here !!

also his pinterest board is here !!

backstory: 

rumor chastain was an accident in his family - but that doesn’t mean he was unwanted. his parents, delilah and benjamin, were more than happy to have another child after their daughter verity (who was around ten when rumor was born).

the chastain family lived on a farm in the countryside, far from the nearest town and no neighbors in sight. just the four of them and their lovely house, along with all the animals rumor affectionately named and cared for. being the baby of the family his parents ensured he took that role, never giving him any big responsibilities on the farm and rather letting him roam about as he pleased. he was a happy child, and he loved his life. he did his chores early in the morning so he could run out and see the sunrise, spend the rest of his day running up and down the hills picking flowers and finding figures in the clouds. he’d stay out there until the sunset, counting every new star in the sky until there were too many, and only coming home once his mother called him down for dinner. 

when he was old enough for school he was homeschooled along his sister verity, who taught him his abcs and how to read while teaching herself geometry. they were isolated in their country home, but rumor didn’t mind, he had everything he needed. his family was his best friends, and their property seemed like the whole wide world to him. he loved that farm more than anything, he couldn’t imagine a life better than the one he lived now. 

nothing good can last forever, and the worst part is that rumor doesn’t even know why. he just remembers waking up in the middle of the night to his sister shaking him awaking, rushing her words as she picked him up and took him to the cop car waiting for them in their front yard. she held him close as they drove into town and to the police station, and continued to hold him as he cried in her arms asking why they were there and what was wrong. they were there until sunrise when his aunt finally made it, taking verity and rumor with the news they’d be living with her now and that they’d never see that farm again

going from his quaint life in the country to a town, even a small one, was shocking to rumor. his usual routine now interrupted by an actual school, no more running around rather he was expected to sit in a desk all day with very few reprieves. at home he was always confident, outgoing, always had something to say. here he was terrified to speak, never being around other kids or knowing how to act around them. he sat in the back with his head down, dutifully taking notes on his own. it wasn’t until lunch when one student gave him a chance that the boy he always was came out. all the students crowded around him to meet the new kid, and he was so excited to talk to all of them. tell them about himself, the farm, the stories he made up and games he’d play. his happiness was quickly crushed as he was responded to with laughter. to his peers he was a freak, a weirdo with an equally weird name. that was the first time rumor chastain learned to change himself, hide certain parts to fit in. it was only a matter of time before hiding simply became erasing those parts of himself, unable to get back that full shine he once had.

his sister had dropped out of high school and gotten multiple jobs instead, saving her money in the short time they lived with their aunt. the minute she got enough money she bought them a little trailer barely able to fit the two of them and they left. it wasn’t because of anything their aunt did, they love her dearly and thank her for everything she did to help them, but they just weren’t meant for a life like that. rumor wasn’t at least, because as much as he loved to learn he hated the constraint of the classroom. he knew how smart he was, too smart for the pace most classes took. verity and rumor were always on the road, always moving, his sister finding odd jobs wherever she could. most of the time he was self taught, only going to actual schools when they stayed in one place longer than most. even then he barely went, preferring to be on his own and go at his own pace.

once he was old enough to get a job he did, wanting to do anything to help his sister out after everything she had done and given up for him. it was the least he could do, and he only hoped that one day he could do more. he graduated high school early and took some time off to keep working and be with his sister. he wanted more than anything to go to college but he was scared of leaving, crippled by the drastic change he went through as a child (and learned not to ask about) that left him terrified of any other form of change. he eventually had to get over that and leave for college, going to covington a dream for him, even if he did cry every night the first week he was there. everything was perfect there. his peers made him feel welcomed, his classes challenged him, and he even had the perfect girlfriend. it finally felt like his life was getting back on track.

personality & headcanons:

the thing two most important things i didn’t mention about rumor above are 1. his love for poetry and desire to be a poet and 2. how much of a hopeless romantic he is

rumor always loved literature but poetry owned his heart. ever since he was a kid and his mother would read him poets to go to sleep he tried to write some of his own, developing his own style over the years and finding a passion for it. he’d often visit bookstores and read whole collections of poetry while there, knowing he couldn’t afford to buy them so he memorized them instead. because of this he’s that guy who quotes poetry randomly.

rumor loves love. his entire life has been looking for love, creating this idealized version of his soulmate in his mind. love is truly the driving factor in his life, and he’d do anything for those he loves (romantically and platonically) almost to a fault or dangerous point. when it comes to romantic love he is the type to go all in, full romeo and juliet kind of guy. he wants a love to overwhelm and take over his entire life, but he puts too much pressure on this idealized love that is virtually impossible to obtain.

despite all he has gone through and how he isn’t nearly as happy and bright as he was as a child, he still tries to hold onto that happiness and optimism he once had. he sometimes struggles to do so, but he tries his hardest to keep his dreams alive and keep a smile on his face.

one of his biggest vices is that he smokes cigarettes. he’s minorly addicted and picked it up when he was around 15, and it’s become a kind of nervous tick for him to immediately start smoking once anything makes him anxious. despite this he doesn’t really drink, that’s reserved for when he’s especially sad and wants to get drunk on his own. he isn’t a big party guy but when he does go out and doesn’t want to stay sober then he’ll smoke some weed.

he’s just really sweet okay, he’s not the biggest social butterfly but he is social enough to have friends and he’s legit nice to everyone. it’s hard to find a mean bone in his body. at parties he’s a bit of a wallflower though since he legit never went to a single party until he got to covington and baby doesn’t know how to act.

rumor dresses like a writer guy like he’s the type always in autumn clothes and colors, sweaters and turtlenecks, etc.

melanie:

melanie, melanie, melanie...let’s make this quick. melanie and rumor were the picture perfect couple. they knew just how to be pda enough for everyone to know how cute they were without going over the top and grossing everyone out. they matched each other intellectually, and the best part was that melanie was the girl rumor had always dreamed about. she was the girl of his dreams, the ideal partner all his poems were about and yet...he never fell in love with her. he never did and he doesn’t think he ever could and he doesn’t know why. she was perfect, they were perfect, but there just wasn’t that thing that made it different. they didn’t have that passion, that moxie that every great couple had. he wanted a love that he couldn’t stand to live without, and he just didn’t have that with melanie. he never had the guts to break up with her, and now he didn’t need to.

wc’s: 

listen i’m shit with pre wc so here’s some basics

roommates !! ones who get along or don’t either way is fun

friends !! likely ones, unlikely ones, bad influences, ex friends, etc

lil stoner group cuz like he ain’t a full stoner but sometimes he needs that good good shit and needs his lil stoner friends he can call up and smoke up with

[thestudyfeels]

How To NOT Be Depressed.

(Or If You Prefer — How to Be Substantially Happy About Life.) 

WARNING: This is one rollercoaster ride of a post. Proceed with extreme caution. For some, the staggering levels of insight may induce true purpose and re-establish their warrior spirit. For others, side effects may include grammatically incorrect hate or aloof eyerolls. We advise exiting if the said group includes you, for we're very tired of cleaning vomit off the seats.

Step aboard at your own risk.

If you’re one of the brave souls who stayed back to join us, I congratulate you for even I am scared of how crazy this post truly is. Alrighty then, kick back and relax folks, today we’re having a mature, adult conversation. Merely another cheery afternoon spent talking about life and its realities. Not too bad, eh?

Before we begin, spoiler alert! For those of you already turned off by the mention of 'depression’ and packing their bunnies to leave, sit tight. This ISN'T really about depression. This is about HAPPINESS. No clickbait. That got your attention, right butterfly? Nice, now stay.

A welcoming, maybe demanding A/N: Do me a favor and read this in one go. Maybe even plug in those headphones and listen to the songs dedicated to each part as you read. It's long, you have the new Riverdale episode to catch up on, but don't hop away just yet because (I had a couple moments writing this, alright) it's life changing. You'll prolly cry a few tears of realization, nod all nod-able body parts in agreement, beat your chest at random instants 'cause the hype’s too real, and perhaps, if it isn’t too much to hope for, finally go change your life for the better. In case you've forgotten, this'll remind you that there’s always hope, that you're a born conqueror, and you were made to THRIVE, not survive. Convinced? Kay, roll the cams.

   To clarify first-hand, no, I'm not depressed although I’ve experienced mild depression for a period before. Glad to say I'm out of it but I still struggle with tackling what I'm about to detail next.

Insert bitter voice, it’s this: My life is nowhere near I want it to be. Though I know vaguely what I wanna do, I haven't yet figured out how the hell I’m supposed to get there, or how my dream life is to be sketched out. It’s all a blurry mess. Which, to put it bluntly, hurts. I HATE feeling powerless and worthless, roaming about aimlessly.

There are many such moments where I hit the brakes to wonder why I’m not living THE Life already. There have been several times when I curl up and cry a frickin’ Amazon. There are horrible nights where I'm shaking with emotions, but they won't release, leaving me choked. (…not in that way, you hoes. Um, just ruined the dramatic mood with a lame dirty joke, sorry.)

   They say talking helps and that's why I figured I'd drop in. But perhaps more importantly, I wanted to hang because no matter how unfocused the lens may seem at my future, I don't consider myself a dopey loser incapable of the crazy dreams or wild bucket lists I fantasize about– and I thought I'd skip along to remind you that neither should you. (Or maybe I just came to sniff the new appetizers, who knows?)

PS: I also broke a sweat listing six ways to get outta depression– alternatively, to be more of a conqueror– because y'all are always pestering me with asks that go “how do I conquer omg send supplies” (Like, imagine a conqueror saying that! Oh, the crime, the atrocity!)

So yes, you're welcome. Have a feast with this litness.  

The main reason behind people being so frightfully sad, I’ve found, is a huge lack of fulfillment. We don't do what we love, for either— [ 1 ] we aren’t living life the way we want to (since we keep doing things we feel we're supposed to do) OR [ 2 ] because Mama, Papa and Mrs. Carter next door feel that struggling is the only way, and project their traditional beliefs onto us. Either way, whether or not we consciously realize this, subconsciously, we're all hurting because of it. Badly.

That lingering feeling of emptiness never seems to leave. You feel drained every night when you drop into bed, not because you gave it your all, but because you couldn't. And so, we do the next best thing. Drugs. Maybe not literally, but figuratively. We numb out this subconscious pain by binge watching Netflix shows. We deaden ourselves to that discomfort by reading smut in the bathroom or by playing dumb video games all day. We try (and fail) to extinguish this feeling of not ‘being enough’ by having silly flings or fake friendships.

And ultimately, we NUMB ourselves out to LIFE for we can't bear to live the way we're living. There's a reason why “How to Stop Procrastinating” posts are so popular (they’re a blogger’s most foolproof way of paying the month’s rent, and yes, even I'm guilty of a couple). We’re constantly having FOMO and tuning into others' highlights on social media– completely missing out on our own lives in the process. We fail to realize that the culprit is lack of genuine purpose more than zero self-control (or maybe it’s both, but that’s a tale for another day).

[On a side note, obviously I did generalize a bit– video games can be a passion for you, watching shows a way of winding down. But for most, they’re only DISTRACTIONS, just another way of ignoring the calls of life by hanging up the phone.]

   And here's the bitter truth about depression: The longer you wait to start living authentically, the more you start tuning out the inner cries wanting change, the faster your dreams start to ebb away, and the more you'll want to become insignificant. And to me, that's the scariest part of this journey to my dream life.

Nothing frightens me more than knowing that the moment I stop pushing, the very moment I give in to distractions and fears, my goals will stop manifesting themselves and I'll be stuck in this small town with its small people eternally. And THAT, I'm certain, won't be any more fun than working your way through a soggy ham sandwich, ironic as soggy is what life has become. (Yes, I have a thing against soggy sandwiches. They were a kid's worst lunch nightmare.)

   If you relate, and I’m sure you do (it’s probably why you stopped scrolling through cheesy fanfic for ten minutes to read this, I know you amigo) — here are six ways to NOT be depressed. Or more accurately, to gift wrap yourself some sweet ol’ happiness.

You're a Samurai and the Following Be Your Katanas —

Hol’ up. The second you reach the End Card, I want you to drop your Cheerios and implement at least THREE of these six strategies. Just follow the Takeaways, I've made this really simple. And as a rule, one of them has to be this one. (Look, don't whine. If you wanna climb outta that dark hole, you gotta put in some effort. So pop that booty, and let’s get down to business!)

Here’s the most truthful, though cheesy thing I’ll ever say: I would be nowhere I am today without this blog. If not for it, I would most likely be weeping in a dug-out hole somewhere, drowning in my salty little pond of tears and chiming every loser’s favorite words (“there's no point”). Creating this blog gave me a definite purpose – putting out fiery content, dipping myself deep into my newly found passion for writing and influencing, and connecting with other conquerors on the platform.  

I meet a lot of folks, whether at Sad School, Mouldy Mall, or Boring Bus stop, who always seem to be in a state of death-inducing boredom. When asked about their favorite thing to do, they’ll mumble “sleep” or “food” like Siri narrating your cat’s evening routine. And then you see adults, dragging through life mindlessly. Utterly clueless, floating like a piece of driftwood in an ocean bubbling with life. My sympathy quota gets overdosed everytime I think about it.

   To spell it out, find something to do. Anything! Learn a language, try some ballet, take pictures of your neighbor's rose garden, make an art piece and show it to your mom, stitch buttons onto shirts for fun, heck, make an entire shirt out of buttons, take a break from reading smut to write your own, frutify your farts, WHATEVER, just get up and move.

And here’s why – nay, not to keep you engaged or make you feel less worthless, not that bullcrap. It’s to put in gear the journey of figuring out what is the shite that you love doing. Too often we get stuck thinking about what our oh-so-great passion is. Get this, passion is energy. A spark for something. A magical fortune cookie which, when cracked, seems to explain everything, gives you the very reason for being alive. You can only feel that fire, that wild love, when you actually do it. So get cracking is all I’ll say!

Takeaway:

Attempt something. Nah, scratch that, imagine you’re in a sweet shop with shelves lined with free samples and try everything. Pick up that Polaroid cam, take that dreaded history course, buy that children’s cooking kit– in short, start working. Pull out all the stops, get curious, and get creative. In the process, if you promise to try hard enough, you WILL (money back guarantee) find out what makes your little heart burst with mad happiness and would willingly do for free, if needed, because you really are that crazy about it. And that, my dear, will be your oh-so-great-indeed passion. Have no doubt, you’ll never be “bored” again.

Real talk, having a dream is a big deal. And unfortunately, I’ve witnessed, rarely anyone has one to begin with. They’re either more dead than the cheap skeleton I bought for Halloween or believe they have a dream, but in reality, it belongs to mom, dad, or Uncle Sammy. Listen, doing something for someone you love (my Uncle Sammy used to supply me with cold cash whenever he came around, loved that guy) is great! YET, if you’re willing to throw away your life to fulfill others’ expectations, convincing yourself it's because they love you, even when YOUR lonely heart craves bigger things than just a marketing job, then you, my friend? Are the biggest fool. Don’t get offended, we both know it, this girl needn't ramble.

Recently, my relatives were over (nope, sadly not Uncle Sammy) and my cousin and I had a chat about life (correct, I grab every opportunity to do so). It wasn't very exciting I must say, he kept staring off into the distance (I wonder why), but what he SAID is what I'll talk about. After I’d gushed about my dreams, he asked skeptically if being an influencer would still be an ambition two years from now when I graduate. I raised my eyebrows, mock hurt, like eff you son, I ain’t giving up on my dreams! But that question got me thinking.

Life is wild. Unpredictable. An unexpected call, a single person, a random BLOG POST (cough) – can turn your life upside down, sometimes in the affirmative, other times not. This variability of life isn’t uncommon, and everyone experiences some part of it– unpaid student loans, failing startups, talent and art going unnoticed in industries dominated by wealth and connections, you name it. If all of that doesn’t make you run for the Himalayas and abandon any dreams, throw in a quick side dish of dysfunctionale famiglia with a sprinkle of self-image issues.

It ain’t easy, darling. The world is one cruel headmistress; it loves slapping awake the daydreamers and wishful thinkers. That hasn't ever actually stopped the dropouts and class clowns from building castles in the air though. And the common blueprint you notice they follow? Let me introduce you to…  Madness. Obsession. Maniacal obsession, to say. (Yes, I'm done playing with my words.)

   I struggled writing this point. A pestering voice in my head kept mumbling – They'll go back to doing the same sad shit anyway. Um, does anyone even read your posts? Lol, call yourself an influencer, hun. Hesitation started creeping in. Then the irony of the situation struck me. I laughed, shook my head and got back to typing.

We ran out of juicy gossip weeks ago, so here’s your tea served cold: insecurities and self doubt WILL get in the way. That whiny voice was just a mild version of what you face when you go all in. Fear traps you in its cage, and those who prattled behind your back now progress to talking shit in your face. Criticism and self doubt resurfaces, so unless your defenses are strong, you'll be crushed. Destroyed REAL quick.

When hell breaks loose (oh honey, and it WILL), your self defense comprising of maniacal obsession must be well learnt. Let them attack, mock, heck, drag you away from the desk and hurl you at the top of a damn mountain, but you better STILL hike back down, show them the middle finger, and continue working. That's how bulletproof you've gotta be. That's how madly do you have to love your dreams. And if you really think this will be a cake walk or want to continue complaining about Stuart being born with a silver spoon, hop off the train already. Your destination isn't on the tour list.

Look, my dreams terrify me. But they certainly make me feel more alive than complying with what every parent said about getting good grades and holding together a roof on my head. My ambitions set me free, give me a reason to fucking live. And yet, every now and then, something makes me question them. A fear engulfs me, some doubter proclaims I suck, someone I love is so blinded they can't see my vision. And that's okay. My defenses are way stronger. The next day rolls round, and you'll find me hustling again, thriving again. All because I know that even if no one reads my posts (the worst case scenario, I know y'all love me lol), someday in the future, someone will. I know that even if I’m not an influencer yet, if just one reader becomes a conqueror because of my words, it would be a win. A big win. I'd have done my job. All because I’m wildly, yes maniacally, obsessed with my dreams.

So hey, cousin? This influencer thing? This will be my dream long after I've graduated. Till the day I die, and maybe even then I'll rise from my grave to give a dead pal a lively pep talk. My watchtower has just been upgraded, so thank u, next.

Takeaway: 

“General, we've arrived!” Finally! Position those cannons, Martha, let’s talk them through the defenses. All aboard? AHOY MATEY! (wait, that was one for the pirates). Step one, dare to create a dream in your mind’s eye. The bigger, the crazier, and the scarier, the better. Doesn’t matter how impossible it is, don’t care how many voice their opinion against it, just imagine, keep a million possibilities in mind.

Once you see the life you truly want (you’ll know, everything will seem to zing)— have a sip. Become OBSESSED for that life. Thirst after that vision, itch to manifest it, and pine for the satisfaction that’ll come to your soul once it’s made a reality. Fall madly in love with the process and how magical it feel when you do it. And THEN, bellow a loud war cry and charge headfirst into battle, shields held high at all the criticisms. We conquerors never cared much for them anyway.

(play ♬) Picture this: forehead stamped with beads of sweat. Calloused hands working their fingers to the bone and eyebrows furrowed in deep concentration. Conjure an image where powerful beats are pulsing hard in your ears, synced with your own elevated heartbeats, and you’re thriving. Performing. Winning. Guess the secret to that? Preparation. Champions prepare. You can’t throw anything to the winds or rely on ‘luck’ or chance to conquer.

Tough days are in everyone’s calendar, be it your extra cheerful neighbor, Sally, or lone wolf classmate, Derrick. We’ve all found ourselves sulking over an awful situation, scooping into mint ice cream to forget mistakes, errands, and ghosting exes. Yet guess what? The solution isn’t the proclaimed “be positive!” or “It all happens for a reason, don’t you worry” - the key is coming up with a method to dodge the discouraging effect these hiccups have on us.   

So every bad day, I bring out a mason jar containing a knot of chits and one secret letter which is, on most days, kept hidden on the top shelf of my cupboard. I make myself comfortable on the bed, read all my bits of paper carefully, including the letter addressed to yours truly, close my eyes, and mentally fight back whatever’s bringing me down.

A short while later, I get up, now a warrior, and go slay the rest of the day like it was my last one on this planet. That jar is my jar. A Conqueror’s jar. One look at those powerful reminders, and I’m grounded once again, the beast within me now unleashed to kill.

Takeaway:

Honey, go get yourself a jar. Along with some papyrus and ink. Then start jotting down. Document past victories, future visions, fears that mean zilch to the person you’re about to become, batty goals you’ve still gotta chase, reminders that the majority will never understand what it is you’re tryna do here, and how that’s perfectly alright 'cause you'll find your conquerors, your squad one day. Create your victory jar. And then go knock ‘em down dead. Bad days stand no chance against you. You’re a winner, a fucking rebel. Go take what’s yours.

Y’know, I’m perfectly aware that many muggles reading this will whine that dealing with depression ain’t no piece o’ pie and it’s hella hard to get up and take the crown when you feel like a pile of dino dung.

Stop it. Get some help. (See what I did? Like Michael- ok ok, calm thyself.) For real though, and I’m tired of repeating this with my kitten stamped microphone (but I’ll keep at it ‘cause it’s that significant) – whining is WORTHLESS. It saps up precious energy that could be used to make life a scrumptious smoothie. (Loothie? As in life + smoothie? Right, yes, I’m shutting up.)

And even THEN, we find denizens complaining about slow WiFis and thin crust pizzas and how the market’s down and the government’s incompetent. Because blabbering makes us feel important. Heard. But keeping yo’ trap shut and actually doing stuff? Hustling for your dreams when nobody’s watching? Actually walking the talk? C’mon, Emma, don't be naive, ain’t nobody getting recognition for that.

Trust me, I get it. The world is yet to become a feminist, turns out your boyfriend was cheating on you while you were looking up wedding dresses, mommy’s a drunk loser, and idiots are being voted into office. It’s a lot to handle. But thanks to our immense and ever increasing population (we folks really love our rumpy pumpy, can you tell) — there will surely be one chum, facing exactly the same misfortunes as you, but still turning up at every party and bulk-spamming his friends with puppy pictures while you sit and wail. (One Moaning Myrtle is enough, thank you very much.)

Look, I’m not undermining your worries or obstacles. I’m only reminding that you have the marvelous choice of positivity. To CHOOSE hope and a better future when others won't. To FIND (and it's always possible) something to look forward to even when the to-do’s a big snore. To KNOW, deep inside, that you're a magnificent conqueror, no matter what mess you’re in at the moment, and that the world dances to your rhythm. Realise that it's up to you to let yourself be happy. At any moment, you have the very say-so to get up and start rocking. Dumbledore said it himself, “It is our choices, that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.” So choose better, and you’ll unconsciously do better as well. And yes, that being said, this is the last HP reference, don't fret. Be positive instead. (Edit: Ha, look at these quips, the girl's all grown up now.)

Takeaway: 

Your new occupation is to be a sunflower. If you think back, you'll probably recall Miss Honey rattling on about phototropic movement in AP biology. No? Me neither. Point is, sunflowers always face the sun. Put them ANYWHERE, hide them in the dungeons, throw them in a trash bag and shoot it off to the moon, they’ll still turn around and face the sun. No matter what. And taking inspo from that, you too can stop scripting creative soliloquies for being depressed. Happiness is YOUR right, YOUR priority, don't let anyone take it away from you or diminish its importance. DON’T let sadness ruin your vibe, do what you've gotta do to protect yourself. Track happiness in yo’ journal, set 84 reminders on your phone, and tattoo “Long as you’re beaming up at the sun, all the shadows will be left behind” on your boobs. Do whatever, just don’t turn the corners of your mouth down. You’re so pretty this way.

The other day, I was doing the deathly Plié Alternative Heel Lifts (these names, I swear) and my legs felt dead. Gone. Put to sleep like the Wicked Witch of the East. Now obviously, the timer wasn’t not even halfway done yet, but my cheeks were already flushing red like dear Santa, and NOT because I was high on choco chip cookies. I sighed, and at that point, I was so over giving up. All this while, I’d been whining and protesting because my muscles felt sore, but in that moment, I made up my mind. I bit my lip and kept going. On and on. Keep pulsing, you got it, don't stop, was the mantra I kept chanting.

   Won’t sugarcoat it, I honestly hadn’t died this much since that time Miss Honey buried me alive with trig assignments. My legs were now basically Play-doh and I was shaking, fighting for balance. A few seconds in though, something crazy happened. My legs went numb. My grumbling mind quietened and the pain vanished. That evening, I had the upper hand, not my physical perceptions of myself. I was powerful. Flawless. (Hey Santa, do you even lift bro?) Real talk, I was in the Zone, bitches.

I’m not sure if that was the result of excessive pain or because Wonder Woman’s spirit possessed ma bod, but staying loyal to my love for metaphors, I’ll use the experience to explain what I’m tryna get at here.

   Look, here’s the real deal — if all of the greats gave up the second things got frowny, we probably would have no one to worship. Nix role models, nix inspirations, none to stalk on Insta - we’d all be bumbling about like Sad from the even sadder Emoji movie (no shade, emojis be lit).

And that'd be very sad (pun definitely intended). Hence, cue some tangible ways to boosting your grit, so that you can be your own superhero:

1) Get yo’self a goddamn motto,

2) Know your “Why,”

3) Repeat the cycle till it’s in your blood. Btw, Shawn, if you here, I’m still a single pringl—HEY PAL I SEE YOU, DON'T SCROLL.

Seriously, don't brush these prime steps aside. We're always going for the advanced modes, and deeming these basic levels a waste of time. Well guess what, compadre, YOUR LIFE IS A GODDAMN WASTE O’ TIME IF YOU DON'T HAVE YOUR BASICS RIGHT. Excuse my outburst, but listen. You can’t do a hundred bicep curls on your first workout if you haven't lifted anything more than a crisps packet. Likewise, if you simply jump into Life one day, and decide “ok, here it is, 12 habits to build, sleep schedule to fix, man to ask out, let's go,” you ain't getting nowhere, chum. Start small. Take baby steps. It's clearly not as fun (definitely negates the bragging on Facebook part of it) but it'll stick. You’ll create a consistency that not even Grandma's cake batter can achieve.

1. Talking mottos — For context, a motto that I always mutter (my mom thinks I'm cursing, oh what a bad child) every time I spill milk while making coffee is “Do more. Give more. BE more.” Not only does it help me stay right on track for the rest of the day but it helps me clean up my mess, figuratively and otherwise, or I’d just be sitting in a puddle of spilt milk, cursing adulting for real this time and with more laundry to do.

2. Why you need the Big Why — Owning up, I’m guilty of attempting to learn Welsh for less than 48 hours because I hadn't a single reason to speak the language. A similar thing happened with half of my 2018 resolutions, which had a bunch of rubbish like “Floss daily”, something my eyes got trained to skip because, um, who the hell flosses every day?

Lame humor aside, I still workout almost daily because I have my Why straight. 1) I want to feel good about my body and get closer to the confident badass I envision my future self to be, 2) I simply HAVE to sustain my health to live to build my legacy and fulfill my dreams of opening a bakery at 90 and 3) Because I’m an influencer, and want to walk my talk and be the inspiration people need. Those are the reasons as to why I turn up to my yoga mat everyday, shut my jabbering mind, and keep on pulsing. This “Why” strategy applies to everything. Wanna get outta depression? Why? Wanna lose 20 pounds? Why? Wanna listen to your dentist’s desperate pleadings and floss already? WHY EH? Unless you know your intentions, you’ll give up at the first chance you get to not act on your goals. And watch out, because there'll be a LOT of those.

For me, leaving a legacy behind means more than having a slice of cake or missing a workout because there’s a fun movie playing. Find what's important to YOU, make it your why, and go marry your goals.

3. And then, Repeat — Bear in mind, if you're not living your best life yet, there are NO weekends. NO work-shy days. No weak days, no pick-me-up days, no eat-candy-do-nothing days. Everyday is a damn Monday. EVERYDAY is life or death. Every holy day you wake up is a chance to push your limits, challenge your mindset, and see how far you can go. And every 24 hours, when the cycle starts again, it’s your mission to race to build a stronger, wiser and crazier you.

And who knows, perhaps one day, you and I will just be casually sipping tea in our dream home, laughing at how the milk is still being spilt but knowing, proudly, fiercely, that we’ve come so far, even though there’s still more left to do, more to give and so much more to be.

Takeaway: 

Quit quitting. You're, guaranteed, 20x stronger than you think. I doubted I could go through with the workout, it seemed beyond my present physical capabilities. But I did, because I treated it as life or death. Understand this, the second you start making excuses, for being depressed, for taking an unnecessary day off - you give away your power. You are a very powerful being. You're limitless, capable of everything.

I'm not throwing these words around to make you feel cute, I actually mean AND believe them. There’s so much that's been done already— the iconic four minute mile by Roger Bannister, invention of the light bulb, cars, toothpaste and other junk, people who lost both legs and climbed Mt. Everest, we sent a man to moon in frickin’ 1969 (50 YEARS ago), some ran a 26 mile marathon with zero training, love and hope is still strong in this world, oh let's also add coffee and motivational music— and YOU think you can't finish a workout or get outta depression or meet your idols or marry the man of your dreams or become the artist you wanna be? Ridiculous. Don't give away your power that easily, this ain't no charity shop.

(play ♬) Having personally dealt with unwelcome yet familiar feelings of emptiness quite often, I’ve now reached a point where each bad day is simply a reminder of how long my journey ahead is, and just how badly I want to reach my destination.

We finally near the end of this novel of a post (thanks for sticking around, bud), and my best advice would be this: Rather than wallowing in self pity and throwing one-man parties because your life is so awfully dreadful, know that even when life throws you to the floor, long as you can look up, long as you can read an entire book about defeating depression (cough)– you can GET UP too. Let those emotions of sorrow and frustration blaze up into a roaring, crackling fire that doesn’t consume you, but instead, urges you, fuels you.

Lately, no matter how much shit I go through, how many arguments I tumble into, or how barren my dreams look sometimes, I don’t break down. And no, it wasn't always like this. I never even had aspirations to name two years ago. Six months back, it had become a night routine to cry. Not anymore.

Now, every setback and every failure only pushes me to be stronger and give more than I ever gave. The day I made the decision to Conquer (truly, madly, deeply, with all of my heart) was also the day I said a big, loud ‘fuck you’ to every resistance that was to cross my path. I had finally understood that life was nothing but a battle of WILLS, that it was all in or nothing, and I made up my mind once and for all to NEVER give in to depression, or to society, or to anyone who tells me I cannot make it.

I had conquered depression. There was no looking back now.

Takeaway: 

Here’s something no one will tell you: the key to bringing depression to its knees is seeing it positively. Pretend that it's a friend continuously sending strong, aggressive signals urging you to be happy. And what do you do when a caring friend throws some holy light? You listen, push past your ego, and follow accordingly.

And if that parallel seems unconvincing, here's another one (sup, DJ Khaled. This post is turning musical, sorry): it's scared of you. Depression is scared shit of you. Y'know how bullies are, right? Majorly insecure, self-loathing too perhaps, hardly fans of self love, and always trying to numb all that subconscious pain by inflicting pain on others. Depression has the same instruction manual. Your fears and doubts are your (pathetic) bullies, and depression is the big ol’ crony who does the dirty work for 'em.

Whenever you decide shit this is it, I'm going for it, they go paranoid and try stopping you because they've seen no better. And if they succeed, BOOM, you're depressed, paralyzed, your qualms reigning over you again. Don't let them in. I'll say it a thousand times if I gotta because I want (HAVE) to see you conquer – you're so much stronger than you think you are. You can do so much more than you think. It's all in your head! Don't just sit there, click away, and go back to living a sad life. You’re better than that. DO better than that. You’re meant to freaking CONQUER, straight-up dominate, my pal. Pay heed to that voice craving freedom. You got this. And you better know it.

One thing’s fixed like the (beloved by all) proportionality constants in Physics, you will come across depressing mornings and sluggish evenings even in the future. I assure you. Lots o’ bad hair days in the calendar, sis. But here's what you’ll do: you'll deactivate the miserable thoughts, keep a cool head, remind yourself that this is yet another test (better, rap your new mantra) and USE that hurt, pain, and anger to create a fervor and passion that wreaks havoc on its obstacles and drives you to accomplish EVERYTHING you've ever wanted to do. The easy choice would be to just give up, bellyache about the situation, and want sympathy for your worries. Yet, what you'll never do is… exactly that.

Rule 1) NEVER give up. Stand your ground. Have faith in your strength. Know that you'll have your way soon enough anyway. Rule 2) NEVER complain. All it does is drain your energy, that precious fire you could to high jump your way into the clouds. Makes you a pathetic wimp too, definitely not something you want on a warrior’s resume. Lastly, Rule 3) NEVER seek validation. From anyone. It sure feels nice to be acknowledged and encouraged, but grasp this— this is your journey. YOUR life and YOUR vision. Validation won't get you anywhere, for there'll never be enough of it.

Cuz Marty, if you're tryna bring something new, different, and authentic into this world – you'll most likely be hated on badly, before you'll be loved madly (hi, me a rapper). Learn to invite hate instead—IMPORTANT: hate from others, not yourself. Sounds counterintuitive, but this is the real tea: hate is good. It means you're standing up for something, refusing to fit like a puzzle piece in society, and being UNAPOLOGETICALLY yourself. And it’s certainly a sign that you’re on the right path if you can ignore that hate and stick your tongue out at it.  

Yet another reason to never seek validation is simply this: you have to fight for yourself. In order to meet your own expectations, reach the doorstep of the best version of you, and transform this world, you'll have to go wildly IN. Toil and hammer away. Shut out all the haters and non-believers, listening only to your gut. Importantly, learn to accept the rejection slips, validating yourself not with what Molly says about it being okay, but with the reminder that your time is coming soon. Depend on yourself. Validation will NEVER be enough.

I get it, it's a lot of homework, but perhaps you already realize that it’s THIS work that'll change your life forever. Not “how to not procrastinate, Jesus take the wheel” or “HELLO, life's a mess so here are ten things to do (you won't believe number four!)”. Clickbaits don't work, stop believing that a fancy planner is going to be your savior. There is no rule to making your life a masterpiece. You'll have to get to know yourself and your dreams (journaling, meditation, silent pondering), build the work ethics and the mentality needed (lots of work in this one, yet no strict framework to go about it) and GET GOING.

AND with that firework, I'll begin to slip away now. Again, I won’t say it’s easy, that’s cock and bull. Life’s no fairytale. You will never feel ready to start bringing your dreams to fruition. But, my darling (I’m being so nice yo, follow me), you must. You must force yourself to work for the future you want till it becomes a habit, an obsession. The world badly needs heroes; confident people who can stand for themselves so that others can stare at first, maybe even hate a little, but then follow because they seem unstoppable and are, truthfully, having the most fun at life. YOU'RE one of them. No validation, just plain facts.

You see, conquering is a LOT of blood and sweat (K-pop, anyone? BTS? Lmao, this is me tryna clickbait y'all to read). Even getting up will seem huge when you're just starting out, and this is one long road, dear pal. Still then, I have enough faith in you to hope you don't give into your fears, I hope you willingly chase discomfort, and I hope you find the courage to do all that you want to do, while that heart's still beating.

I hope you conquer. I'll do too, and I'd really like to see some familiar faces during the ride.

Peace, amigo.

A loud ass A/N: And now, we come the most important part of this post. WAKE UP Luke, stop snoring, and take some notes. Remember kids, I won't accept anything but an A.

   If you couldn’t identify yourself throughout this post and currently are scoffing like um woman, that's not really why I'm depressed, hang in there a sec. Yes, you can stop singing It Ain’t Me now. You've a very nice voice by the way.

I'm not a doctor, and I don't have enough exposure to know why so many earthlings are depressed today. HOWEVER, by talking to many, following their stories, watching and reading stuff – I do know with firm conviction that a majority suffers from severe unfulfillment. Don't believe me? A study shows 85% of the working class worldwide hate their jobs. Do you realize what that actually means? EIGHTY-FIVE PERCENT of the THREE BILLION PEOPLE employed today, hate being employed in the first place! They do it for prime survival, to sustain themselves. And that's just jobs. I won't scare you, but 50% (yes, HALF, you heard that right) of students HATE going to school. Kids waste SEVEN hours of their life every day going somewhere they dislike, doing something they hate. Who's singing now?

People find themselves trapped in golden handcuffs, taking the paycheck despite the passionless job. They push aside the art and business they love, to become a slave of good ol’ cash. Several surround themselves with negativity and get frustrated when unable to escape the choking (no, not THAT kind again, hello someone pour holy water over this post) atmosphere. An innumerable are forced into taking up courses that they don't care about under parental pressure. The reasons are endless, and I don't think I'll amuse myself listing all the sad excuses.

This has always been the story. Hundreds of influencers have preached the same words I’m tryna put into your head here and you’ll yourself say you’ve heard this a million times. YET, you’re dissatisfied. YET, you feel like crap everyday, feeding yourself the same lie that the next day will be better, that you’ll get up tomorrow– while you let life beat the shit out of you.

That’s why, all of my words, everything you’ve read today - all of that boils down to just one single question. A difficult but necessary choice. Will you let this happen to YOU? Will you, seriously, even after this wild ride together, go back to doing nothing and being nothing? Will you, for real, continue deceiving yourself, sacrifice your happiness for the sake of pleasing everyone else, and remain a statistic on a website?

   (play ♬) If you’re not sure of your answer, read: Look, making you feel guilty is not my intention, because that’s not how this works. I need you to understand instead. Guilt wears off, it’s only understanding that brings about change. So, just for old times’ sake, I’ll rant a bit more (ik, just can’t seem to leave y’all).

You’re so, so young right now. More than half of your life is yet to be experienced. None of this probably makes much impact right now but it will the day you die. Remember, on your deathbed, you won't EVER look back and say, “Damn, wish I'd spent more time at the office. Saved up just one more dollar. Could’ve got that promotion before Amy.” Nay, it won’t even be on the calendar. That day, one foot in the grave, you'll reflect and wonder why the heck you didn’t let yourself be happier. Why you took up that lacklustre, soul-sucking architect job when all you've ever wanted to do is keep laughing. Why you didn't ask your crush out, why you were so afraid to walk up to that audition, because dammit, you could’ve been running your own comedy show by now. Why you dragged around a karaoke machine all this time instead of singing your own song. Why you couldn’t love yourself. Why you submitted. Why.

And the moment you realize that you hadn't lived a life for you, you’ll be crushed. Broken. The arthritis in your grannie joints won't even compare and neither will the mild dissatisfaction you’re feeling right now. Those whys will haunt you, they'll terrorize you, break you. It'll hurt tremendously to know that there isn't a single thing in your long life that you could call completely your own.

 With every death today so many dreams are left unachieved, crazy things left unchecked on the bucket list, and unique potential left unexpressed.

DON'T let that be you. Please. I'm still a mess myself, struggling to reach class on time and studying subjects that aren't exactly fun, when all I want to do is create content (read: fireworks) that is at a level of insanity, influence folks to do better, hold crazy world tours and meet-and-greets to give hugs, and get an adorable puppy so I can create a dogstagram (yes, I'm that mom). Sure, I could declare it's too hard, hang onto small-minded and negative people who whine endlessly, and follow the crowd, getting lost in it, with ease.

But I won’t because I can’t take the burden of those regrets. That painful unrest and discontent that nothing could cure, not drugs, alcohol, buddies, not even true love. For then I’d be just another drone, my controller in the hands of society, forcing me to see the world through its eyes. I can’t give in because I’m scared, terrified even, of wasting away this one life doing the bidding of others- folks who won't even notice when I’m gone.

It’s easy to be depressed and crib your entire life. It’s easy to think you’re worthless and that trying is pointless since nothing ever goes your way.

But perhaps, if you rise, if you simply DECIDE to have the audacity to fight for what you believe in, if you work and focus on becoming better, things will go your way. Life will bend to you, in awe, at your incredible relentlessness. Life will take one look at you, wonder who the fuck is this person? How the fuck are they so incapable of giving up? And back right away. And then perhaps, life will be such a blast for you that depression would become the past you never had.

   I know you can get there, conqueror. It’s time you knew it too.

🌚🌝 Further reading? 🌝🌚

Last Post :— How To Get Back Into The Creative Process – For you, if you're in a creative rut. Get outta it and go create magic!

5 Reasons Why You're Unhappy — To help you identify & cut out CURRENT sources of sadness so that you can spice up yo’ life with some happiness instead. Definitely recommend reading AND implementing.

The Bubble Trap & How To Get Out Of It — One of my classics. Everyone is in one of these 'bubbles’ till they consciously do something about it; that's just how it is. Are you still in one? (Someone teach me marketing, lmao.)

The 5 Biggest Regrets of The Dying (from Greatist) — I LOVED reading this. Pretty much all you need to cut the crap and do meaningful stuff. Read it, memorize it, work it.

++ Want to request a blog post? Leave your request in my ask box! I'll get back to you with a reply, along with the average time I'll need to birth that magical idea.

Thanks for dropping by! It was a pleasure to have you around. If you wish to stick for a bit, I'd suggest picking one of the related posts mentioned above.

If you wanna check out my blog, here's a little something about me (y'all know I love the attention). What do I write about? Three arenas I dominate, Work, Lifestyle and Life, they are, my mate! Take your pick!

I post new blog posts bi-weekly, and my wins, & journal entries throughout the week, so follow me if you're into conquering life, leaving a legacy and being the baddest badass you can possibly be. I'll be your side pal, cheering you along.✨

And that was it, it's a wrap! Martha, shut the cams, Henry, pause the audio, and Nandita, I know you're pretending to be deaf, but Mom's yelling something about doing the dishes. Better skip along.

And you, fellow conqueror? Keep slaying life, doing the work and making it count. I hope you're well, stay strong and go conquer life. ✧

I'm sending you so much love, see you soon.

— Nandini 💌 (´｡• ᵕ •｡`) ♡

[sunshinexlollipops]

i was wondering if you have any tips for writing for dutch and arthur? i’m more confident for writing arthur but not so much dutch. any help would be great!

Edit: sorry, was writing this on my computer and pressed enter to start a new paragraph. So tumblr took that as “let’s post this!”

Love this hellsite. :,)

—————

Hey there, @putainsoif2!

I can give you a healthy supply for writing tips when it comes to Dutch, and even a little extra for our beloved boy Arthur! (:

For today’s lesson, I ask that we use this particular tune to enhance our learning experience. . .

So, let’s start of with Dutch! I’m gonna make a bullet list here of tips/tricks I do when I write the man in my stories!

Watch scenes from the game (be mindful of spoilers, in case you are wanting to avoid them).

These will help you learn specific dialogue of certain scenes, but it also helps you learn Dutch’ s facial expressions, his way of talking, and his mannerisms. I use clips all the time to help nail a scene I have in my mind or plot down!

Dutch is very confident, arrogant, and prideful.

He carries an air about him that’s almost like a bubble. Not only doesn’t it make him daunting to other people in certain ways, it’s also his biggest flaw, and this bubble shields Dutch from perceiving reality for what it is.

The man could convince himself that it’s sunny outside when it’s raining, and there’s almost no chance of changing his mind once its made.

Dutch is not above playing dirty, being threatening, or making things personal.

One of the main reasons the gang gets into much trouble and hot water as it does are the actions they take on Dutch’s insistence.

So many things in the game could’ve been avoided had Dutch’s nepotism or greed didn’t get in the way of common sense.

Dutch will drop and risk everything if he thinks a score is his, or if his pride and name are on the line. Doesn’t matter if what’s on the other side is too good to be true or an obvious lure for them man to bite on— he will go after it every time.

Dutch’s value of loyalty means unwavering and unquestioning worship.

For Dutch, he’s big on manipulation and working those around him till they are under his thumb and like it that way.

Maybe things didn’t start off this way, but they sure as hell ended like it.

Dutch is all about having people in his pockets and making them feel or think that they earned being in there, or that they want to be.

By taking in orphans off the streets and raising them, calling them son and reminding them “you’re only alive because I saved you” — to trying to convince them that they can’t have opinions of their own and discrediting anyone who argues with his “plans.”

Dutch may not be like Colm with hundreds of men at his back that were forced there, but he’s got a few men he’s crafted into monsters and convinced them that they want to die for him, and that’s far more terrifying tbh.

If someone isn’t “loyal” or has a slight against him, they might be better off dead.

If you aren’t 100% with Dutch, you better watch out. Any disagreement or doubt he faces is met with extreme scrutiny and offense by the man.

So if a character doesn’t agree with him, they stand against him. And a lot of bad things can happen to you if you’re not on Dutch’s side, he will make sure of that.

—————

Now, as for Arthur!!!

Can be like two sides of one coin, and which face you see depends on the person he is with.

Arthur is so black and white that the man is in a gray area all around.

He can be a bastard or a sweetheart. A killer or a Saint. Helpful or a problem. Etc.

Mostly, Arthur gets an air of cockiness about him around most of the men in the gang. It’s almost like a competition for being the biggest dick without a ruler being involved.

He makes his worst decisions when others are watching and expecting him to be callous, and he commits the worst crimes when he is asked to or made to by other people— and he pretends to enjoy it or accept it.

But when no one is watching, or the person who is happens to be someone he trusts deeply and knows better than to fuel his facade, Arthur changes.

He’s kinder, softer, caring, compassionate.

With Charles, Arthur expects better of himself and feels regret if he doesn’t act up to par. With Hosea, Arthur wonders how he could change his life and be someone else.

Arthur chooses who he wants to be himself with, and who he dons a mask on for.

Wars with himself on a lot of things, and is very introverted at heart.

Because of his nature to only be truthful and himself with certain people, Arthur keeps a lot of things to himself.

His journal is his biggest confidant, and Arthur mostly tries to keep things internalized instead of letting them out into the world.

One of the biggest things that Arthur tries to keep to himself, is the fact that he doesn’t want to live the life of an outlaw like he used to.

A lot of people in the gang are still wanting to run this thing till it stops, especially Dutch and the few people who are at his back like a shadow.

For Arthur, he’s beginning to hate how he is living and who he has become because of it, and the hardest thing is avoiding that sort of honesty, and trying to accept it on his own.

Tries to hide his softer and compassionate side, as he’s often hurt or scrutinized for it.

One of the biggest reasons Arthur has two ways about him is that his truer self is not as easily accepted or welcomed as his harder persona.

Most people expect Arthur to be cold-blooded and a bastard, from Dutch, to people who cross him. And while Arthur can have an icy angle about him, the man doesn’t enjoy being a bastard who lives up to the hype.

During his younger years, the man nearly left the gang for a woman he fell in love with. And I’m pretty sure this was around the time Hosea wanted to leave too, or maybe even before that. Love was in the air and Arthur was suffocated with it.

But of course, he couldn’t leave his family, and so he lost Mary. And of course, he lost Eliza and Isaac too for the same decision.

Arthur’s identity as an outlaw kept him from the things, and more importantly, the people he has loved. And this is why Arthur views himself so poorly.

What kind of man values killing people and stealing over the love of his life? His son?

And for what— to maintain appearances?

Arthur figured out what he wanted to choose when it was too late, and this is why he only allows himself small moments to let that side out again, lest it hitch itself onto something he only expects to fail once more.

Has a conscience that speaks louder than loyalties or guilt, and believes that he is doomed rather than having a chance at saving himself.

Arthur may not exactly be religious, but he believes Hell exists because that’s where he’s going to go once he dies.

One reason Arthur doesn’t change himself is because he believes he’s a lost cause. He’s in his mid-thirties, and he believes that the life he’s lead so far will follow him till its end.

He’s haunted, and as he described himself “more so of a ghost than a person.”

Because of this, Arthur doesn’t try to change until he’s damned.

And by this, I mean that Arthur didn’t try to change until he knew he was already dying.

Gamer influence aside, the choices you were given in chapter 6 were far more different than earlier in the game.

For example, when you confront Jimmy Brooks outside of Valentine, your choices are to save or kill him.

But to compare, a change is evident when you go to collect the last debt Strauss sends you after.

The only choices you have with the widow standing before you are to absolve her debt, or to absolve it and offer her money to get by.

Arthur didn’t give the player a choice to show compassion or heart. That was purely Arthur saying “this time, we’re going to do good.”

But Arthur truly only tries to save others when he knows he can’t save himself.

Money, the law, Colm, Dutch— none of it matters like it used to. A day is gonna come when he isn’t gonna be around anymore, and you want to know what’s scarier than that?

Leaving this world knowing that he did nothing to help those who were still going to be living in it once he was gone.

Arthur is selfless at times. And this can only be emphasized more than ever when he knows he’s dying, and he chooses to fight for those he cares about to survive.

—————

So there you have it! Some writing tips and tricks!

If you need anymore, let me know! :)

[maevelin]

What do you think will happen in the final 3 episodes? Which characters do you think won't survive the series?

You know while I was thinking of how to reply to this I came to realize that the show made me not to care? I feel like I only have to take what they give me at face value. Something that kept on happening for a long time now but it couldn’t be more obvious. So since this is not challenging me mentality I only have to sit back and just let the writers spell out the resolution. 

Like i know that many characters won’t survive but after dealing with NK so neatly it feels that…so they survived that so easily despite how the whole show kept building the narrative way differently for so many years and now the same characters will go die a few episodes later in a generic way which is one more pointless struggle for the political games of power? As if we haven’t seen this on repeat endlessly from episode one? So why does it make it any different now? Because the show is ending I suppose but the mentality behind it remains the same so it is more or less a little bit of the same. Unless they give a twist when it comes to the WW lore somehow and add it in the last episodes again which does not make much sense. But even so in the end the way they ended the NK still falls flat and defines the story in a very damaging way.

The narrative was operating so far on the principle that no political system -and especially one that does not favor human rights- was meant to override humanity’s soul and heart and the desire we all have for survival and hope against darkness. Magic was born again for a reason. And it was not meant to be pointless. There was a reason why every character (or at least a collection of so many characters so far) was mostly terrible and showed the bad side of humanity. Because it was meant to rise the question as if that kind of humanity is deserving of being saved in the first place; so the motivations of the NK on this were also important. As were the prophecies that led to something that was meant to be apocalyptic in a way that would bring out the best and the worst of humanity till the very end. You can’t hype something that has been foretold for thousands of years only to end it like this without caring for the consequences on the existential level. 

After the Long Night and after winning the Great War with all the expected losses (none of which we have seen really) everything else in the game board was meant to be inconsequential so when we would finally go along to the game of thrones the expectations would be subverted and the survivors that would take the Throne would reshape the world in the ashes and would strive to make it a better place after the hard lessons they learned. It would put everything in perspective. After all “Power resides where men believe it resides”. This was meant to be the ultimate power struggle that would end up being the last stand of humanity against death and that would redefine the way everyone viewed their priorities and what truly gives power to the throne. I don’t think that after 8x03 anyone actually changed in any way. Either the battle against the NK happened or not, despite his defeat, I don’t feel as if the characters went out to the other side more humble or changed. Shocked maybe. With losses in their military forces for sure. But with the same arrogance despite a bit of grief and relief for making it out alive. But only in that part of the North. The rest of the world, the rest of the Kingdoms were not affected in the least. The perspective didn’t change. Their everyday life didn’t change. Winter came and everyone slept on it. The Wall might have fallen which was meant to be a big deal but Winterfell stood and the battle was won in the span of a few hours. No one else was affected even in the slightest despite all the prophecies for the Prince that was Promised that would save the world from the apocalypse and you know the Long Night that lasted for what? 3 to 5 hours I guess. 

So in the end we are back to square one with most of the world having no clue and Cersei actually making the most sense for not bothering with this. So what is it in the next episodes that can happen that is so important? We faced the nuclear threat that wasn’t that nuclear to begin with and now we will deal with the guys with the rifles that will probably cause the most damage. Okay I guess. Got to love irony. But even so that kind of irony still has divided the sides predictably.

The thing is that in the end of the day the writers have basically cleared the sides way too nicely. There is no conflict in me as to where to side. So one way or another it is most of the faves against Cersei which is the ultimate villain that we know for a fact is evil and not even that smart to begin with (although she made the most sense with the NK). And I mean…we all know she will die so there’s that. And then it will all come down to the personal conflicts of the characters and the dynamics that will make the difference. Which I guess makes sense because the soul of each story is its characters but the timing and the way you place the characters in stories and legends that are supposedly larger than life plays its part. Especially in this kind of fantasy genre. So I feel the positions here have been misplaced. 

I’d assume the aftermath of what happened in this episode and the preparation for the big confrontation for the Throne will happen in the next episode.

The big death count, the battle and characters going against characters will take place in penultimate episode.

Jon’s claim will be the focus in these two episodes majorly too.

And the finale will clear the air where magic will be contained and maybe still simmering, the Kingdoms will find a ruler or a new way or ruling and each character’s story will be wrapped up. Bittersweet ending. Counting the losses, hope for a new tomorrow, maybe an open ambiguous ending for a supernatural threat that must always linger…and see you with the missing answers in the spin off I guess.

[obsidianarchives]

Game of Thrones Recap: S8E3 - "The Long Night"

What do you even say about an episode like this? Yes, it was dark and full of terrors (particularly for viewers trying to watch online), and certainly there were long-form narrative issues we will discuss with how this changes the impact of the rest of the season, but this was unquestionably one of the most exhilarating, terrifying, and cathartic episodes ever put to television.

Winterfell

The episode starts with one of director Miguel Sapochnik’s (Hardhome, Battle of the Bastards, Winds of Winter) trademark long tracking shots as the defenders of Winterfell hear their mama pulling up in the driveway and they most definitely forgot to take the chicken out of the freezer. Sam’s hands can’t stop shaking, Tyrion needs more wine, but the real soldiers are ready to go down fighting. The tension already has its hand firmly in your chest five minutes into the episode when the crew hears the approach of a single rider. Out of nowhere, it’s the Red Priestess of Asshai, Melisandre, and she gets straight to down business to defeat the Huns.

In one of the best visuals you’ll ever see, she calls out to the assembled Dothraki in the vanguard and lights all 100,000 or so of their swords ablaze. The ring of fire lights up the darkness and Jorah and Ghost lead the charge against the front line of the dead. It’s a beautiful moment, watching from the walls of Winterfell as a host of fire bears down on the cold dark and for a moment there’s hope of the impossible. The dream is snuffed out in an instant, as the lights of their swords darken almost immediately when they realize all too late that the other side bought giants. Yeah buddy, it’s a wrap! It’s almost disappointing we didn’t get to see Ice Spiders as well, but the unfeeling swarm of death was terrifying enough on its own.

Seeing the greatest number of her army (and all those Brown people) reduced to shreds in seconds, Daenerys NOW decides to get on Drogon and use their air force to even the numbers a bit. Why was this not the plan from jump? They also could have used the Dothraki to mow down the wights from the flank, but that’s what happens when they keep letting Jon draw up battle plans when he hasn’t won a game of Connect Four since he’s been back from the dead. Where is Robb when you need him?

It matters little, as the Night King has bodies to spare, and as the dead reach the second level they wash over everyone. Once the dragons enter the field of battle, the literal winds of winter kick up a storm brought by Lord Coldemort, cutting off Dany and Jon’s dragons from the main battle. On the ground, the losses begin as Dolorous Edd dies saving Sam, who had no business being on the field in the first place, Jaime has to save Brienne from an inglorious death, and the bulk of the living face a hasty retreat back inside the castle with their flight being covered by the Unsullied. What are the Northmen even here for at this point? Melisandre casually strolls her behind down to the moat as people are dying, to ignite it and protect the castle just in time to give them some cover. Knees to chest girl!

In the crypts, Tyrion is still all the way in his feelings about being left out of the battle and has to be straightened out by Sansa. The two share a moment of understanding and compassion, but Missandei is also there and is not here for the two showing anything less than proper deference for her girl Dany. In the Godswood, Bran connects to the wi-fi and wargs into his flock of ravens, presumably to draw out the Night King, who we’ve felt but not seen up to this point in the episode. He reacts in kind by telepathically commanding his forces to choke out the fire guarding the castle by piling their own lemming bodies onto it and forming a bridge of corpses before finally descending from the skies on Viserion to find Bran.

The dead breach the castle and everybody is in trouble now. The Hound, who hates fire even more than the wights, found himself a nice little corner to cry in until Beric tells him that his baby girl Arya is still fighting and he runs off to save her. Big Bear Lyanna Mormont is in the courtyard handling her business but has the misfortune to run across an undead Giant who keeps that block hand strong and Mutombo-swats her away. Undeterred, Lyanna runs up on him axe in hand but is gripped up, and as the giant is crushing the life out of her she goes out like a true G and stabs him in the eye with a dragonglass dagger, taking the Hulk with her.

Inside the castle, Arya lurks her way around trying to hide and catch her breath for a moment, but runs smack dab into a Wights-Only library. Quiet as a shadow, she flits around the room evading her doom, but in the most zombie-ish scene yet, the dead still come pouring out and the terror takes her as she has to run, chased by a horde and already down her weapon. Arya is finally found by the Hound and Beric, the latter of whom is stabbed repeatedly as he covers their escape. As the trio find a safe room, Dondarrion dies for a final time where the waiting Melisandre opines it was his purpose to deliver Arya here. Reciting the prediction made the last time they saw each other in season three, when the Red Woman took Gendry, she mentions the eyes Arya will shut forever, "brown eyes, green eyes...and blue eyes." Arya (and the rest of us) hit the Wee-Bey gif as the full meaning of the prophecy becomes clear, and she wasn’t even mad Melisandre’s name was still in Gendry’s phone.

We finally get a dragon battle as Rhaegal and Drogon take on their brother, with Dany even knocking the Night King off of Viserion. She goes for the win and Drogon hits him point blank with about 30 seconds of dragon fire…to which the white walker steps out of smiling. Welp! My man is completely unbothered like she gave him a free trip to the sauna, and keeps walking towards Bran. Jon gives chase with Longclaw, trying to end it by killing him, but before he can get there the Night King turns around and raises the dead again. Petty!

Jon finally gets his sword off and gets busy this season, but just when it looks like he might get got by the unending reanimated army, Daenerys comes to his aid with Drogon, burning a path for him to follow. Unfortunately, the Queen kept her dragon on the ground instead of in the air for some reason, and my baby boy Drogon was quickly swarmed by wights. He had to take to the sky, trying to shake them off to survive, but left Dany alone with the dead. But she's not alone! You already know ol’ sucka for love Jorah rolled up to defend her. He finally dies protecting her as we all have seen coming for years, but is mercifully spared the sentiment the show apparently thinks we feel for him.

In the most obvious development yet, when the Night King raised the dead, he raised ALL of the dead, and suddenly being locked in the crypts with a bunch of corpses turns out not to be the best idea. Thankfully there was no one we know returning as zombies, but Sansa and Tyrion had to have a moment where they accepted their fates and charged out of hiding to meet death like an old friend. Playing it a to a hilt, we were treated to a slow-motion montage of everyone about to die as the Night King finally made his way to Bran with a host of White Walkers on his flank.

Jon tried to give chase yet again but was cut off by Viserion with half a face, guarding the courtyard. It was left to Theon, the last Ironborn alive guarding Bran with a bow in echoes of season one, when the Three-Eyed Jaden finally returns to assess the situation on the ground. Everyone knows what's about to happen, and Bran tells Theon he’s a good man just before he dies futilely charging the Night King.  

His last defender gone, Bran simply stares at the Night King, seemingly awaiting his fate. Jon, making a last-ditch effort to save his brother, stands and faces Viserion and…screams at the dragon, fully prepared to die trying. This is your king??? As the Night King pulls out his sword to end the series, Arya jumps out of nowhere, leaps over the White Walker guard and drives her Valyrian steel dagger at him. She's caught in mid-air, but she does the same knife drop-and-switch she used when sparring with Brienne and stabs him with the right! He crumbles and takes the rest of his army with him. Arya Stark, first of her name, Princess that was promised!!

The battle finally over, Melisandre walks out into the night with Davos hot on her heels, takes off her glowing red necklace and, as the funk of 40,000 years fades away and her task is complete, simply withers away into nothingness.

For all the hype and fear of another massive culling, the episode left a surprising number of the main cast still alive. We knew — or assumed — many of the main characters who still have ties to King’s Landing would survive simply because there is more payoff to come with their stories (Cleganebowl, the Lannisters, etc.), but this isn’t a series that has shied away from doing the unthinkable. While it always seemed clear to me the series would deal with the dead before settling who sits on the Iron Throne, there's an inevitable question of let down; what can a stick fight over a chair mean after this? There are no elephants. What is the Golden Company after Giants and Ice Dragons? We've still got three episodes of intrigue to wrap the series up but it now seems an even trickier path than before to stick the landing.

Speaking of hype, the constant comparisons to the battle of Helm's Deep did this episode no favors. While there were truly magnificent and breathtaking shots, much of the episode was (by design) obscured in darkness and Sapochnik indulged too many of his worst habits, pulling-in a bit too close and sacrificing spatial awareness for evocative immersion. This worked in Hardhome and to a lesser extent in the Battle of the Bastards because we had already spent time establishing the fields of battle. This was a chaotic war on all fronts, in a territory we’d never fully fleshed out in terms of geography. While it was clearly an intentional choice to send the viewers the fog and chaos of war, it lacked the kinetic heft of his earlier episodes or the narrative clarity in Neil Marshall’s Battle of Blackwater and Watchers on the Wall.

Perhaps it’s instructive to look closer at the Lord of the Rings comparisons, however. Destroying the ring and defeating Sauron and the forces of Mordor wasn’t the final battle in the text. Instead, we pared down the scope and pace of the story to deal with the irreparable harm done to the small band of survivors that we started the story with. They had grown, and despite all their victories, still had to return home to a final insult of their victory tainted, and their once idyllic and peaceful vision of the Shire scourged and forever changed. This ending was dropped in the film version so it appears we'll get to see for ourselves how well that type of storytelling holds up to a direct, visual medium as opposed to text.

[videofeed]

Ranking The Disney Revival Era Movies From Worst To Best https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a-Aui5_Tmvg The present period of Disney animation is the Revival Era. Here are the flicks of this period, ranked from finest to worst. There have been many alternative eras of Disney films, a couple of of which are good and others which are not pretty as strong. However, the Disney Revival Era, which takes place from 2009 and runs all the easiest way up until the present day, has seen some tremendous films created in that interval. [fwduvp preset_id="modern-skin-dark_videofeed_playlist" playlist_id="Ranking Disney"] It's a particularly strong interval of flicks for the animation juggernaut, and it actually has been a golden interval in creating implausible movement footage. The films all through this period are extraordinarily diversified from princess movement footage to superheroes and a dip into the video gaming world alongside the easiest way, which helps make it extraordinarily fulfilling. So, with out extra ado, let's take a look at the 10 movement footage which are part of the Disney Revival Era, score them from worst to best. However, it's worth noting that is probably one of many strongest eras of Disney movement footage, and all 10 truly are good films. The 2011 Winnie The Pooh movie could take theremaining place proper right here, nonetheless, it is a heartwarmingly fulfilling movie for your entire family. It's very nice to watch and the entire characters are extraordinarily well-written. This is a whimsical world that everyone is conscious of from the books andearlier films, which makes it straightforward to leap into. However, although the story is a great deal of fulfilling to look at and might always make viewers smile, it might not pretty pack the identical punch as the other movement footage on this record. It's quite a bit shorter and much a lot much less dramatic, although it is nonetheless nice. This extraordinarily anticipated sequel is one which divides followers, with some people loving it and others not being pretty as keen. There are some moments the place this film is definitely fantastic, from the fulfilling Easter eggs to the fantastic scene with theDisney princesses, the film is fulfilling and has pretty an emotional hook with the friendship between Ralph and Vanellope turning into strained. However, the overall story proper right here just isn't pretty as strong, with each little factor truly being wrapped up when Ralph and Vanellope are agreed to halfways in quite a few video video games. But for some motive, the movie drags points on with Ralph as a virus turning into a villain, which gave it a barely weaker ending. One of many newest animated releases from Disney is Frozen II and it is an implausible movie. While it didn't pretty keep as a lot because thenecessities that the distinctive set (which have been extraordinarily extreme) it was nonetheless a very fulfilling movie that was given an additional extreme tone and technique. Because this was a sequel, Disney had the luxurious of having audiences who've been already correctly acutely aware of the entire characters. This meant that the story was capable of bounce straight off correct at first considerably than taking longer to get there, which meant the film was full of movement and it was all the upper for it. Wreck-It Ralph was an infinite gamble on Disney's behalf, taking audiences into the world of video video video games, nonetheless, it is one which paid off. This is such an fulfilling film to watch with a strong storyline about friendship and by no means judging people based mostly totally on appearances working by way of it. The relationship between Ralph and Vanellope is tons of enjoyable and feels pure, whereas King Candy makes for a nice villain as correctly. The worldthrough which this movie takes place permits for thus many Easter eggs that it has very simple repeat viewing. When it entails animation movement footage they merely do not get any better than Frozen. The highest-grossing animated film of all time is an unimaginable movie and although the monitor "Let it Go" obtained the entire hype, the movie is far more than that powerhouse monitor. It's a narrative of a sisterly bond, which is one factor utterly totally different for Disney and allowed all siblings to basically put money into the storyline. It's female-ledon prime of gettingfulfilling sidekick characterslike Olaf and Sven. Frozen additionally has an superior twist with the villain, and, incomplete, it was a very spectacular film. Zootopia is an excellent buddy cop fashion movie positioned into the world of animation with two characters who don't always see eye to eye nonetheless lastly end up being good companions. The voice work on this film is unbelievable and the extent of an ingredient positioned into creating this world is beautiful. There are so many hidden particulars and hilarious gags that it is extremely easy to watch repeatedly, and the storyline itself may be very nicely completed. There are a great deal of twists and turns and the motion ramps up correctly to a robust finish. It's not all about songs and dancing like totally different Disney movement footage, nonetheless, it is nonetheless good. Moana could be most likely essentially the most adventurous movie on this guidelines, and it is so extraordinarily correctly carried out that it isn't potential to not take pleasure in it. Moana is a strong and neutral character who models off on her private journey and meets quite a few good characters alongside the easiest way. The film is beautifully animated and truly comes alive out inside the water. There are catchy songs, superb villains, humorous sidekicks, and a great deal of tearjerking moments. It's the entire setups for a great Disney movie that has each little factor you need and it actually works on every beat. Many people could rank this movie lower on the guidelines, nonetheless, Princess And The Frog is unquestionably one among Disney's best princess movement footage. It is probably going one of many remaining current Disney movement footage to be completed inside the outdated hand-drawn animation, and attributable to that, the movie has a positive distinctive prime quality and attraction about it. When you add inside the nice story, the fantastic music, and the extraordinarily well-layered charactersyou get a tremendous story. Ray brings tons of emotion to the movie and Dr. Facilier is one among Disney's creepiest villains. When each little factor is combined it creates a really specific movie that further people should see. Big Hero 6 is a really utterly totally different mannequin of Disney movie that has on no account been completed sooner than with the company taking a step into the world of superheroes. Just as Pixar had beforehand completed with The Incredibles, Disney knocked it out of the park with this movie that is actually implausible. It is probably going some of the emotional movement footage in Disney's present historic previous with the demise of Hiro's older brother firstly of the film. However, with all of the movement and Baymax's mild humorousness, the movie truly is fulfilling to watch as correctly, with a very uplifting message. Tangled just isn't merely the most effective movie of the Disney Revival Era, nonetheless, it is among the many finest movement footage that the company has ever created, interval. It's the essential story of Rapunzel that has been given a barely further trendy take and it is brilliantly completed. From implausible detailed characters to the breathtakingly beautiful animation, it is a job well-done all through. Both Rapunzel and Flynn Rider are superb lead roles, whereas Mother Gothel is unquestionably the strongest villain of this era. The film has all of it from emotional moments to implausible humor, provided by an array of excellent supporting characters. However, the precise robust degree of this movie is the music, whichis totally superb.

[sparda3g]

Tokyo Ghoul:re Chapter 143 Review

(Long Post Inbound)

A long time ago, Tokyo Ghoul Part 1 reached its conclusion and I wasn’t there to see the “fireworks.” From what I was told, it got fans incredibly uproar to the point of hate overload, burning volumes, and wishing for Ishida to be buried. I wish I was joking. Not everyone would experience the very moment; that is if someone is willing to retry. In the midst of chapter 143, the same number where the first part ended at, all pieces are in place and it’s only matter of the outcome.

Have I not matured enough nor self-behaving well, would I have fallen to the mass hysteria. This chapter is a nightmare.

The amount of feeling throughout the chapter is one that I haven’t felt in a long time. I dare to say that the last time I felt this way was the Golden Age Arc climax from Berserk. It can be lessened if the next chapter goes a different way as in taking the only “good” path. Regardless, the earth shattering moment is still striking hard. It’s that experience of falling to the plot twist that sucked out your air; it’s hard to say another word.

Let me get out of the con first. Honestly, it’s more of nitpick than anything, especially when you realized the real effect of its narrative approach. It was teased pretty badly with the thought of Suzuya versus Kaneki to happen in all of its glory. The beginning felt so promising with the conflict they both share to protect. It got intense when Suzuya and Hanbee use Arata Armor, and Kaneki goes Kakuja. Unfortunately, that was done off-paneled. I would like a flashback to show the battle, now that the chapter did its purpose. It’s unlikely, so that’s a shame. The rest is history.

The monologue from Kaneki about his life in a nutshell is pretty deep and tragic. Making a decision in life has always been a fearsome moment of anyone’s life. Many times, you can’t go back on it and you have to stick to it for the rest of your life. One choice can be your major downfall. Kaneki has always been miserable since chapter 1. If he hadn’t met Rize and became interested, he could have avoided the path we are witnessing today. Even if he accepts his path, there’s no way for him to deny the thought: “It wasn’t supposed to turn out like this.”

This hit me hard. I tend to avoid the leader position because the decision making for the team would always lead me to be the fault. I also have tons of experiences of not able to choose the “better” choice, and I believe everyone would one way or another feel the same way. Kaneki can’t seem to win because of his screw-up and heavily pressured moments. Now he wants to make it right and protect his people.

Naki being “asleep” is an ominous scene that would only become the start of the tragic downfall. Miza reporting to Kaneki about his condition left me hurt. I was hoping that he would make it out alive, but he did the best he can. Miza taking care of his body is saddening based on how much she already lost. If only he can surprisingly wake up like before, but I do think this is the end. You did well, Naki.

The amount of hype buildup with Kaneki stepping up to protect is staggering and a bit of hopeful. The sheer determination he has is fully realized; he will put an end to this massacre. As that part was being build, Suzuya and his motivation has finally come to light. According to Furuta, CCG Operations have taken a lot of toll on their finance, including the birth of GOAT. Because of it, Shinohara’s life support will be unplugged to cut the cost and Suzuya is obviously fazed by it. Whether Furuta is telling the truth or not, he pulled a convincing argument to reach Suzuya.

The amount of hype has grown tremendously from these two flashbacks. Kaneki and Suzuya have firing determination to win to protect the ones they loved; even if they have to fight each other. The single line from Suzuya to Kaneki is strikingly deep and sad. Gone with the best friend status, killing each other is the only solution to save. The Wills were mentioned, only increased the intensity. Someone is going to lose and someone will pay the price. As said before, Suzuya and Kaneki practically go to their final form; it’s a borderline deathmatch. The hype is extraordinary. But…

Ishida is a borderline asshole.

The quick shift to Kaneki’s sudden defeat is jaw dropping for better or worse. I was left feeling lost and couldn’t say anything but grasping for air. “What the hell just happened” kept on repeating through my head. The scenery has shifted drastically; almost the same caliber as the infamous Red Wedding scene. The mood is very haunting with Kaneki’s monologue; trying to understand what’s going on yet can’t compute anything. It’s clear as day: Suzuya won the battle; Furuta won the war.

What amazes me is the plot twist doesn’t rely on a trap like “I have a large cannon waiting for you to take,” or “behold, my true bio-weapon that is Dragon!” Instead, it relied on the mind game. Furuta may be a jokester, but he’s actually slick and dirty as shit to understand the environment. He knew how Kaneki would react based on his history. He knew what type of guy Kaneki has always been. If Kaneki were to change, he could have changed the course of everything, but in reality, he hasn’t. Even as a leader, he still has the same tendency to protect his loved one alone. The most important key is how he never intended to change the world, rather stick close to his friends for his needs. Furuta recalled him back to Anteiku and looking it over, he’s right.

People around him tried to tell him that he cannot react the same way he has always done in the past because he’s their leader. When your status changed, you have to change. Ayato did tell him to rely on people to help him, which took Kaneki long to respond back. Kaneki is trying his hardest to keep things his way, including not able to kill people and not eating human flesh. This series doesn’t hold back on reality check-up. It’s not Shounen; you must get in with the time. While it’s a downer for not seeing the fight, I would forgive Ishida for the strong effect of the transition. It’s a shocking and gut-stabbing revelation to his major downfall. It’s as if we are witnessing Saw movies twist; all it was missing was the theme song.

What if Kaneki did get his food? Would he have been strong enough to remain conscious of his action in Kakuja? Could he have lessened the army if he simply kills many of them? Should he have asked everyone to help him to protect the people? Should he have stick to his ideas to his grave? If one remains the same, it will become predictable, and in war, it’s never the option.

A truck load of salt is added on the wound with Hajime returning back with two heads: Shio and Rikai. The image of that playful banter back in the last arc is now haunting me like a plague. The imagery of little kids beheaded is disturbing enough, was it really necessary to show them off to Kaneki. It is worth noting that Hirako, Yusa, and even Ui remain missing from the scene. Their condition is unknown for now, so maybe it’s a key to say they will return for the next part. It all ends with the title that says it all: Game Over. Un…be…livable.

The worst part is the artwork is top notch here. The design of both Arata, especially 2 looks awesome; the most badass display I have seen yet. Kaneki in Kakuja looks vicious and badass as well. It’s like watching two tyrants about to collide. The next page with Kaneki downed is jarring. The effect is a perfect stab to the gut. How everything crumbles bit by bit is brutal to watch. I can’t believe that damn shot of Kaneki’s sign of lying with his hand on his chin happened again when telling Hinami that he will be behind her. People want tragic; well, you sure got a full course.

This whole chapter was downright brutal from start to finish. Part of me thought I was sleepwalking because I read this early in the morning and I got few hours of sleep. Re-reading it again, I still can’t compute on what’s going on. The reaction from the fans at this time is clear as day: shocked, confused, and angry. If this is what it was like with the first part, well, now I know.

I honestly don’t know if the next chapter is truly the final chapter of the series at this time, but it does signify part 3. If so, I called it but damn, this is pretty messed up. I am still bewildered on what just happened. There are plenty of key moments that just shot across my face. The only part left is the last clean-up with Touka. This is the chapter that is going to tear down the fanbase and all Ishida can do is laugh and bounce around with his massive kintama because of this antic. If the next chapter is the last, then that’s fine. End this nightmare.

[tirsaroundtheworld]

New Zealand II - North Island

After a very smooth, beautiful and just 4 hours long ferry ride, during which we spotted some super beautiful Hector’s dolphins 😍, we arrived in windy Wellington in the late afternoon. The general consensus we draw from all the things we heard North Island was that it isn’t as beautiful as the South Island, but that it is more ‘alive’ with the majority of the NZ population living there. Excited to find out about all the differences between the islands for ourselves, we took off for a last month in this fantastic country. These were our highlights:

# After a short drive from the port we found ourselves right in the middle of the first proper city that we’d seen in months! Charming, lively and windy Wellington - we loved it! We took a few days to wander around the various shopping streets, take a cute cable car up to the lush botanical gardens with their stunning city views, have long conversations over tea in the sun, walk along the harbour, spend hours in the fantastic Te Papa museum learning all about Maori culture and natural history, eat out and try local beers. Truly a lovely city, just lacking one thing; campsites. 😂 We spent our nights in the super exposed parking lot of the museum, right next to the harbour, where we had to brush our teeth behind a tree and almost blew away during the night. Gotta love campinglife!

# Lucky as we are, we went from crappy campers to proper flashpackers when we changed Wellington for Raumati. We had met a very lovely couple back on the South Island, who invited us to come and stay in their brilliant holiday home with sunset ocean view. Ohhh the comfort of an actual house!! 😍 After over 2 months of sleeping in our van we had almost forgotten how easy it can be to go to the toilet in the middle of the night and to get dressed when you can stand up and move around. 😂 And apart from the pleasure of this luxury, it was very very nice to meet up with these amazing people again. Such a big shout out to Dana and PJ! ✨

# Sad not to be able to stay longer, we had to quickly make our way to New Plymouth. For good cause though: we had to cheer for the All Blacks! Covered in ponchos and cheering despite the rain, we watched them play against the Argentinian Pumas in a very exciting match. After the game, we danced and drank to their victory with our new German friends, we hadn’t seen that much excitement in all of New Zealand! What a great experience, rugby truly gets a kiwi going!

# From New Plymouth we went west, following the coast. On our way to Whanganui, we admired the tranquility and beautiful landmarks dotting the ‘surf highway’ (no surfers to be found this time of year though). Especially nice was the Cape Egmont lighthouse at the tip of the land, where Mr. Abel Tasman first spotted ‘Nieuw Zeeland’ back in the day. When we reached Whanganui, we turned inland and followed the Whanganui river, New Zealand’s longest, deep into the lushy Whanganui National Park. Spoiled by all the sincere beauty we had seen on the South Island, this park did not impress us much. We did have our first outdoor picnic in the sunshine though, with the best view of the day! 👍

# The continuous bad weather chased us away from the west to the east, where we first got to Hastings and got completely hammered with a young German couple - a true change of scenery! 😂 Taking it slow from there, we made our way up to Te Mata peak from where we had the best view over all the Bay of Plenty, we soaked in the summery sun while wearing shorts (yes shorts!!!😍), Lodewijk got the worst haircut in human history in Napier, we walked through old native forrest chasing waterfalls, we drove under NZ’s oldest and highest train viaduct, we explored the rocky coast line of Mahia peninsula and we visited traditional Maori Marae community buildings before the rain caught up on us in Gisborne.

# Doomed to be getting wet, we cut off the easternmost cape and headed to the north coast. Dodging the showers we walked to Kohi point, overlooking the beautiful coastline and climbing down to beautifully deserted bays. Following the coast to the north we stopped in Maketu for its famous pies (and damn they were good!!) and in Mt Maunganui to climb its mount for yet another incredible view. In Tauranga we got what we were waiting for; more rain. According to the locals, this was the worst winter they've ever had. Great timing! 👍

# The next stop was Rotorua, known for its location right on an active volcanic zone. The city itself is just like all the others (that really do look a lot alike), but all around there is steam, boiling lakes and eggy smell. It's an interesting place to see how the many Maori that are still there keep their ancient practices and culture that evolved around making use of the steam and thermal heat alive. Our highlight was a visit to the Wai-o-Tapu Thermal Wonderland, which, true to its name, really is a wonderland of a variety of natural phenomenons. Along a walk of just over 3 km, we were completely blown away by the various steaming pits, dazzling land splits, moonlike surfaces, bubbling pools, sissing lakes and boiling mud. But what made it truly wonderful were the many many colours of this crazy, stunning landscape; from pinkish rocks to yellow cliffs to bright orange ridges to neon green lakes. And the Champagne Pool really bubbled! 🌈 Not your everyday scenery!

# Just under Rotorua is Taupo, another same same but different city that is beautifully located at the side of New Zealand's largest lake; Lake Taupo. We enjoyed a long lakeside walk, watching golfers trying to hit a little island just off shore and sailers seemingly sail off the end of the world at the other side of the lake. There are some great natural hot pools in Taupo too, great for a rainy day (or the 47383th)! 🏊‍♀️

# When we finally spotted some sunshine on the forecast we rushed to Tongariro National Park to do the famous Tongariro Alpine Crossing that we'd been waiting for! This 19,something km crossing is supposedly NZ's most rewarding day walks and passes Mt Ngāuruhu, otherwise known as Mt Doom from the Lord of the Rings movies! It is common to start at the one end and arrange for transportation back from the other end, but because of the snowy winter conditions, our unequippedness and the lady at the information center's lack of faith we expected not to be able to make it over the top and thus have to return prematurely. Not less enthusiastic we started the crossing, that indeed was stunning from the moment we left the parking lot, walking and climbing through lava, snow and gravelly ridges and before we knew it we were at the highest point! Easy as pie! A big gust of wind blew away the clouds and granted us the most amazing views all around us over the interesting volcanic terrain, the frozen but emerald lakes, the majestic red crater, the long plateau of seamless snow, the perfect dome of Mt Doom, the beautiful valleys with their snowy patterns and even Lake Taupo in the distance! This crossing is hyped for good reason! And luckily, the first half is the best so it wasn't so bad to walk the same way back. 5,5 Hours later we were back at the start, with slightly heavy legs but with a massive grin. This was awesome, and the lady of the information center had not been a very good asset (could that be because, as she told us later, she had never walked the crossing herself..? 🤣).

# A magical species that is endemic to New Zealand is the Glowworm. This tiny creature that technically isn't a worm but a larvae lives inside watery limestone caves with a lot of friends and they all glow in the dark to attract food. We had already found some of them on the South Island, but that was nothing in comparison to what we experienced in Waitomo. Dressed as giant leprechauns with dorky headlights we made our way deep into the backyard of a local family, where we descended into an enormous cave. After wading through the water and climbing through tiny spaces, we got to a large chamber. Once we turned off our lights and our eyes got accustomed to the dark, we found ourselves surrounded by millions and millions of Glowworms. They looked like stars in the sky, so beautiful it took our breaths away. That is some seriously enchanting sight. 🌌✨

# Back in the real world we drove to Hamilton, home of the most beautiful Botanical Gardens we have ever seen. Neatly organized in sections with each a different style, it had it all. There were fancy Italian Renaissance gardens with perfect beds and Roman statues as fountains, Indian Gardens with colourful flower pavilions and a perfectly symmetrical mini Taj Mahal, beautiful, precisely ordered Japanese gardens with hidden pathways, a teahouse and a pond, Chinese Gardens with flowers and dragons, old English Gardens with patterns and mythical creatures, Kitchen Gardens with more herbs and spices than Albert Heijn, Maori Gardens with Kumara and wooden tiki and many many more. Sign me up to get lost here everyday!

# Another one of the North Island most beautiful areas is the Coromandel peninsula. We took a few days to explore its many spectacular sights, especially enjoying the old mining structures in the mountains of Karangahake, its deserted beaches (apart from the super mega annoying sand flies), the amazing coastal view from Paku hill, the actually boiling hot water right under the surface at Hot Water Beach, the impressive natural arch at Cathedral Cove and the very exposed but absolutely stunning one way drive to Port Jackson. There is no end to this country's beauty.

# Slowly starting to feel a bit of time pressure, we made our way to Northland, but not before a stop Auckland to start spreading the word; we were selling New Zealand’s best camper van! With a quick result; before we took off two young German girls wanted to have a quick look and seemed interested! 🤞

# Coming into Northland at the east side, we quickly entered the stunning Bay of Islands. While driving, we'd pass the one amazing view after the other and we wished we could fly away to see the beautiful bay dotted with little islands from above. Along the west end of Northland stretches Ninety Mile Beach, which has giant sand dunes where we tried our gymnastic and sliding skills. All the way at the northernmost point, we walked to the beautiful lighthouse of Cape Reinga. From there, you can see the most beautiful cape in the entire world; Cape..... Maria van Diemen!! It isn't just the name, although it is incredibly cool to share it, this stunning place at the very beginning of New Zealand does have a special feel to it. 😍

# With 4 constrainedly replaced tires, a wire fix and an alternative indicator lights switch, we made it back to Auckland just in time to meet the German girls at the garage. They were still interested, but wanted to have the van pre-purchase checked before closing the deal. Even though we only had some minor (expensive though) setbacks during our otherwise smooth 3 months road trip, we were nervous when handing in the keys - at the end of the day this car is older than my sister and it's probably been around the country countless times. But the check turned out to be very positive; nothing (!!!!) was wrong and the sale was encouraged! 😂 So the girls got a good car for a good price and we got a clear conscience and even a bit of profit! Everybody happy! 🍾 And the best thing is that we did not have to stress about the sale for one bit and could spend our remaining 3 days exploring Auckland without any worries! 🙌

# Secretly missing our van, we now walked to Auckland's various sights. We enjoyed beautiful city views from Mt Eden and One Tree Hill in the volcanic field, walked past beautiful historic buildings and through palm tree dotted parks, picnicked in the harbour, admired kiwi art in the city's neat art gallery, tried different kinds of Asian inspired street food and waited for the rain to pass over tea in one of Auckland's hip cafes. Extra special was the day we spent with an amazing family that we had met in the tailor shop in Vietnam; they took us up the Skytower to overlook the city and its surrounds, showed us around Skycity and took us for a delicious buffet dinner. We. Are. Some. Seriously. Lucky. Fucks. 💖

And then, all of a sudden, 3 months had passed and we reached the end of an era. Wow, how we have intensely enjoyed our time in New Zealand. We fell in love with the South Island's rough beauty, the major sights of the North Island, the quiet of wintertime, our #vanlife and the people we met. We might now be spoiled, it will be very hard to beat this experience!

Luckily, our next destination at least has 1 thing that NZ didn't; tropical temperatures! And as much as we are sad to say goodbye, we can't wait to get rid of those jackets and boots! New Zealand, we will be back! But for now; off to Hawaii!! 🏝🌺🍍💖