#truly i understand where the instinct comes from i do it myself

[96percentdone]

Maybe I'm just autistic but I feel like a lot of infighting on this website can be boiled down to "I read a thing a person said about xyz discourse topic and here are all the secret implied messages that person is REALLY saying and by exposing the secret hidden meaning i have proven that people on side x of xyz are evil liars that support the devil" and like. idk man i think acting like everything is a coded message isn't the most helpful. y'know. maybe. maybe treating everything as a matter of ulterior motives doesn't say anything about the other side of the argument but just your own cognitive biases and what you already believe. maybe taking people's words in good faith and asking questions about the things you don't understand, or that don't mesh with how you understand the world, or that fly in the face of known research and facts is good. maybe we should do that instead of ascribing hidden meaning to human people on the internet with beliefs that are different than yours, even when they are flawed or expressed badly, like they are works of fiction up to interpretation.

[tsxkkis]

omg omg can i request? pls ignore if you dont!

s3 of haikyuu will always be my favourite season, maybe due to the fact that tsukishima realizes his potential in playing volleyball? (him having his MOMENT is my favouriteee scene)

so could you write gf manager reader x tsukki, where reader witnesses him having his first moment (blocking ushijima's spike), injuring his hand etc etc up until they receive their throphy and medals in the end ?🥹🥹💕 shes a proudddd reader and literally just smooch smooch hug hug tsukki because hes the mvp of karasuno x shiratorizawa 🥰😤

i realized that theres nobody includes this scene in their fics and i wonder why? 🤔🧐

# tsukishima kei - mvp

a/n: i am terribly sorry anon bcs this took so long T-T i'm not quite sure about some parts of this fic but overall i really enjoyed writing this request!! tsukishima is my fav for many reasons, one of which being the fact that i see myself in him a lot, and the particular moment during the shiratorizawa vs karasuno match is also my fav from the entire series!! i hope u enjoy reading this fic^^ i feel like it's not exactly what you asked for, so i'm sorry if i went too far away from your idea....

summary: tsukishima finally regains his love for volleyball.

warnings: a few swear words here and there, the fic doesn't exactly portray what happened in the series (i switched it up a bit)

'are you stressed?'

'not even a bit.'

'you're lying. i can read you like a book.'

tsukishima kei let out a deep breath, rolling his eyes as he looked away from your face. you were obviously right; there was no way he wouldn't be stressed before the game that determined whether or not karasuno would go to nationals. as much as he hated to admit it, he was almost as stressed as others. he was just better at controlling which of his emotions are shown.

you squeezed his hand, his fingers instinctively intertwining with yours. all it took was a reassuring smile from you to help with his nerves, his muscles finally relaxing after being tensed up for the last twenty minutes or so. he still tried to get used to you being more than a friend. your relationship was quite awkward and fresh, so much so in fact that you never even had your first kiss yet.

'i'm sure you'll do great.' you stated calmly, trying to hide the fact that you were even more stressed about the match than him. 'in fact, i'm positive that you'll win.'

'even if we do, it won't be because of me.' he mumbled, letting out a silent laugh when he saw the angry look on your face. 'oh, come on. it's not like i'm the greatest player this team has.'

'you know i hate it when you talk down on yourself.' you said, the tone serious and sharp, rather unusual for you. it stayed like that for only a short while, taken over by a softer, understanding one. 'you're a vital part of this team, tsukishima. winning this match is not up to a single person. it's a team effort. your input is as important as that of kageyama or hinata.'

he opened his mouth to say something but was instantly stopped by the voice of his captain, daichi, calling the team up to quickly warm up as the match was about to start.

you smiled at the boy, letting go of his hand before lightly patting him on the back.

'do your best for me, alright?'

'i will.' a barely noticeable smile appeared on his face, his hand affectionately ruffling your hair. 'don't worry too much about it.'

you finally realized why tsukishima kei never tried more. why he would never stay longer like other karasuno players to polish his skills, why he didn't truly seem to love the sport he chose to play in high school.

'you're insufferable, you know?' his words sent shivers down your spine. 'why don't you leave it the fuck alone?'

opposite forces, some might say. no one really knew what drew you and tsukishima to eachother - both of you completely different from one another, and yet oh so similar at the same time. frustration took over you every time you looked at him, and now you knew why.

he was like a mirror in which you could see all your flaws, and it irritated you a great deal.

his outlook on life and the way he viewed himself made you furious. how can someone be so full of contradictions? so cocky and confident, and yet so vulnerable and self depreciating at the same time. so full of himself and yet so hateful towards the person he saw in the reflection of every window, every mirror.

how can someone so great at what they do, so intelligent and talented, be so critical?

'because i can't! i can't leave it alone, you absolute moron.' the thought of how loud you were didn't stop you from continuing to shout, a mixed look on your face that tsukishima couldn't quite decipher. were you angry or sad? and why the hell would it bug you so much to evoke such strong emotions within you?

'you're saying i'm insufferable? from the moment i laid my eyes on you, you've been nothing but insufferable. so much so, that i want to gouge them out every time they spot you.' you ignored your watery eyes and tsukishima's surprised face, almost as if he didn't expect you to blow up like this. 'it pains me to see you be so full of doubt and hatred and i- i can't understand why you would think so lowly of yourself, why you feel inferior to the other guys in every way possible, when you could be so much more than them. do you even realize your potential, tsukishima?'

he stayed silent. for the first time since knowing you, tsukishima kei did not have an answer to your words.

'your doubts are so irrational i don't know if it makes me angry or sad. you're truly incredible on the court. you're intelligent, you can read the opponents well, you have the physical predispositions for volleyball and a natural talent that you choose to ignore because-'

'but what is talent without passion?'

that singular sentence managed to catch you off guard so much you had no idea how to answer him. such a simple question, and yet such a philosophical, confusing one.

'why should i put my all into something i'm not even passionate about, huh?' tsukishima tried to keep his composed nature, but it was hard to stay intact after what you've said. as much as he did not want to admit it, your words hit him deeply. 'why waste my time and energy for something that does not give me any satisfaction at all? tell me that, because i have no fucking idea.'

'passion is not something that dissapears once and never shows up again, you idiot.' you took a step closer, as if that was going to help you get your point across. 'if your passion is genuine, it will always be there. whether small or big, it will always crawl around in the back of your mind. if you ever truly loved volleyball, the moment where you fall in love with it again will come sooner or later.'

your words were met with complete silence, but you didn't mind. tsukishima slowly processed your words, a focused look gracing his face, lips in a tight line. even though it was only a couple of minutes, for you it felt like hours - awaiting an answer, any answer at all.

tsukishima moved closer, his tall frame hovering over you as he wrapped his arms around you, catching you in a tight hug, much to your surprise.

'thank you.' he mumbled quietly, glad that in this very moment you couldn't see his face, and the stupid smile plastered to it.

the moment where you fall in love with it again will come sooner or later.

tsukishima's mind lingered over these words whenever he played, awaiting this moment to come almost eagerly. the match was particularly hard - with ushijima wakatoshi as their opponent, the chances of winning were incredibly slim. every spike of his went through the block, his serves were absolutely killer, and his teammates did everything to deliver the ball to him at all costs.

what a hassle.

you noticed that his demeanor on the court changed from what it used to be. tsukishima seemed more invested now - almost as if he was trying to impress you, to keep his word. as happy as it made you, you were still anxious about the match and it's final score, hand shaky and a bit sweaty as your eyes followed the ball flying around from one side of the net to another.

another spike from ushijima, it'll probably be another point for shiratoriza-

and that's when you realized.

you saw the ball hit the ground on shiratorizawa's side of the net surprised gasps from everyone watching the match. you saw the shocked look on ushijima's face, the horror in the eyes of his teammates as the ball bounced off of the floor for the second, third, fourth time.

silence took over the court for just a mere second, quickly interrupted by tsukishima's triumphant scream.

he looked more than content with his performance. he looked... happy.

the rest of the boys joined him, screaming in unison. it was just one point, right? but for some reason, for both you and tsukishima, this one was worth a thousand.

for the first time in years, tsukishima kei felt that his spark for volleyball came back.

you noticed that his eyes were now focused on you, a full, cheeky smile gracing his face, and it only made you tear up. a short moment, probably insignificant for people around, but for the two of you it was like a breath of fresh air, like getting rid of the shackles that once held you in place, enabling you from moving forward.

'y/n, are you... alright?' coach ukai looked with his brows slightly furrowed, confused by your teary eyes and big grin plastered to your face.

'yeah, yeah, i'm fine. sorry, coach.' you mumbled, bowing a little as your eyes focused on the court. 'actually, could kiyoko replace me here for the rest of the match? i'm not quite feeling well.'

'tsukishima is injured.'

'what?' akiteru spoke in unison with you, terrified voices mixing together as you looked down from the stands to see the boy walking off of the court and rushing to the medical office along with kiyoko. your instincts took over you - feet moving on their own as you quickly ran towards the same place.

the two blondes followed right behind you, stopping only when in front of the door to the medical office, gasping for air after such a short run. as athletic as your boyfriend was, you were quite the opposite; getting tired after a little to no physical activity at times.

tsukishima saw your head peeking through the doorframe, a small smile on his face the moment he laid eyes on you.before you opened your mouth to say something, he already gave you an answer.

'yes, i feel fine.' he stated quietly, sitting down on the edge of a chair. 'you don't need to worry.'

'are you going back on court?' he only gave you a small nod in response, seemingly feeling better already as he stood up, his hand taped up.

you looked up at him, taking in the expression on his face, just how focused he already was. he looked almost as if he already had a plan to defeat shiratorizawa in this match. seeing him so eager to go back and play almost made you laugh a little - you swore you never saw him get this invested into something ever.

'go and win then.' you mumbled, patting him on the shoulder as he headed towards the gym hall.

'oh don't worry. we will.'

you couldn't stop the tears rolling down your cheeks as you saw karasuno emerge victorious from the hardest volleyball match they had to play this year, hugging yachi tightly as both of you celebrated the win of your team.

the triumphant screams filled the gym hall, the team emotional after doing what many deemed impossible. as most of them enjoyed themselves, not planning on leaving the euphoric state for a long while, tsukishima could only think of doing one thing - going to you.

you were the only person he truly wanted to celebrate with.

after the ceremony of getting the medals, to everyone's utmost shock, considering your relationship wasn't exactly public, tsukishima went up to you almost immediately, a cocky smile on his face as he ruffled your hair, looking down at you from behind his glasses.

'you didn't exactly look quite as content with your performance before getting the prize.' you mumbled, looking at the blonde haired boy with your head tilted to the side.

'well, i could've blocked more of ushijima's spikes.' he started, rolling his eyes at the sole idea of not being able to do that during today's match. 'i only managed to block one and-'

you decided to use the only method that was for sure going to shut him up in that moment, lightly grabbing him by the tshirt and pulling him closer, lips clashing for a split second in a short, sweet kiss.

'no talking down on yourself today, kei.' you said, unconsciously smiling as you saw his face getting red at what you just did, cheeks covered by a tomato-like red colour. 'i'm proud of you no matter what you think about today's match.'

he stood still for a few seconds, as if processing what had just happened seconds ago, the redness on his face deepening with each passing moment. his hand was quick to grab yours, almost dragging you away from the team and to a more private, less occupied area of the building.

'do that again.' he mumbled, after he finally led you to a quiet hallway.

'huh?'

'it was... nice.'

your eyes lit up, a cheeky smile gracing your face as you finally realized what he was on about.

'ohh, you want another kiss?' you said teasingly, eyes quickly glancing from his face down to his lips. he rolled his eyes, unamused by your act of playing dumb.

'come on, don't make me repeat myself.' still somewhat embarrassed of what he was asking for, tsukishima stood in one place, awaiting your next action.

a sigh left your lips as you took a step towards your boyfriend, standing on your tippy toes to be able to reach his face.

'alright. i guess you deserve it, match mvp.'

your arms were wrapped around his neck in no time as your lips gently touched his, tsukishima immediately kissing you back, hands positioned on your waist as you felt a smile creeping up on his face. he let out a short laugh, seeing your face being just as red as his was moments ago, hand reaching to squeeze yours.

'what?' you mumbled, as he hasn't spoken a word since breaking the kiss.

'that's surely the best prize i got today.'

taglist: @moonswolfie @wyrcan @kitsune-kita

[sarawritestories]

Look Up at the Stars

Cassian X Fem Reader

Summary: Your refusal to take care of yourself while Cassian is away has your friends worried that you're being too hard on yourself. And tell the General as much so he forces you to slow down and reminds you why self care is important.

Dedicated to @milswrites and @lady-of-tearshed who are always scolding me to take care of myself.

Content warning: overworking, not taking care of yourself,

Cassian landed on the balcony of your shared home where he was surprised to see your two dear friends, Milly and Eve, waiting for him. Brows furrowed as he noticed your evident absence.

"She's doing it again." Eve clipped, sipping her tea. "She won't listen." Cassian let out a sigh before pinching the bridge of his nose.

Milly rose from her chair and gripped his arm, "She's been in the library at the House of Wind for days Rhysand, even when he has given her explicit orders have not gotten her out of there." She worried her bottom lip with her teeth, and Cassian instinctively placed his hand on top of hers.

"You two are good friends, you know that, right? She is lucky to have you both."

Eve smiled, "We're lucky to have her. Now go get her, bring her home."

Before the General moved, he smiled, "Will you two do something for me before you go?" The two females smirked deviously as Cassian began to tell him his idea.

✨️✨️✨️

Guilt laced your whole body. You had yet to turn in those reports you promised Rhys a week ago. What good were you in his court if you couldn't even reach the deadlines you placed for yourself. Worst than that when you saw him last, he only looked worried for you. Was livid when you ignored his direct order to go home. One look into your pleading eyes had him back off and leave with an exasperated sigh and you knew Cassian would hear about it.

The gold thread tying you to your mate was still blocked on his end, meaning that he was still away maybe you would be able to still fin-

"Someone has been busy while I was away." The low timbre of Cassian's voice elicited tears from your eyes. It had been a few months since you saw him last. Turning around, his hazel eyes were bright, and a beard had grown in since he left, and the sight of him alone caused heat to grow in your belly. "Hello, Sweetheart."

You dropped everything and leaped into his arms. He held you close, opening the bond to let his love flood your system. "I missed you." You held him tighter, "I thought you were still away."

"Rhysand wrote to me. He had concerns. Milly and Eve expressed those same concerns when I got home." You pulled away to meet his loving gaze only to find worry there.

"Work comes fir-

"You come first. Always." Cassian's tone was clipped. "In my life, you are my number one priority. You should be making time for yourself, too."

Heat rose to your cheeks. You knew he was right. You two had argued over this multiple times before. "But I-

Cassian interrupted you once more, only this time he sealed his lips to your own. You hummed, not remotely bothered by the beard scratching against your skin. He pulled away, and you pressed your forehead to his own, taking in his scent or the fact he still held you in his arms. "I'm not listening to you being stubborn. We can argue over your work habits another day. I missed my mate. So we're going home. Understand?" You nodded as your eyes fluttered close. "Good." He turned and you watched the stack of papers become smaller as he walked out of the library.

✨️✨️✨️

You walked out of the bathroom post shower and into the shared bedroom where Cassian was out of his leathers and into a black t-shirt and lounge pants. He looked so handsome you forgot these last few months how beautiful he truly was. "Feel better?" He asked, quirking a brow as he met your gaze.

You did feel better to be clean. Cassian had set out his favorite nightgown of yours; red silk and had a bath set up with your favorite soaps and salts. "I feel like me again."

Cassian walked over and kissed your lips. "Good." His wings blocked the view of the balcony, as they were splayed wide. "I have a surprise for you." He held up a blind fold, and you raised an eyebrow. "Not that," though he got low, your noses were touches, "You and I are off for the next two weeks. That's plenty of time to make sure my mate is properly fucked." He winked and your heart sputtered.

Cassian placed the blindfold over your eyes and led you to his desired destination. Your feet hit cold concrete, and the summer breeze of the night air tickled your skin. Cassian removed the blindfold, and you gasped. Your balcony had a mountain of blankets, pillows, and your favorite snacks. Movement in the sky caught your eye as a shooting star flew across the sky. Then another. "There are supposed to be a cluster of falling stars tonight. Watch them with me?"

You turned to the male, smile wide, and your hand cupped his cheek. "Of course! I don't know what to say except." You kissed him, "I fall deeper in love with you, with every day that passes."

"Me too, Sweetheart." He kissed your forehead, "My beautiful, stubborn, hardworking mate." He kissed your nose, and you giggled and Cassian's eyes lit up at the sound.

✨️✨️✨️

You spent the whole evening looking up at the Stars, your head on Cassian's chest as he rubbed circles on your back. He chuckled as you kept pointing to ever fallen star you saw. His smile grew when you moved to your own pillow, your hand finding his, as you looked to the sky in awe.

Cassian could care less about the stars in the sky. Your smile was what lit up Cassian's world.

[arqhaive]

surprise, surprise ! | jmm21

genre: fluff. | pairing: pepe martí x reader (gender not specified) | word count: 1.4k

a/n: first fic ever!! took me a whole month to finalize whattt. hope you enjoy!! feedback is welcome!

-> baking cookies. ahh.. a classic solution to up lift moods. i mean it's definitely better than violence.

3:29 PM

you had just had the worst week ever, the most draining one ever, might you add. think of the most clichés to ruin someone's day, it happened to you. for every. single. day. of the week.

missing the bus, flunking a test despite studying, spilling your drink onto your clothes, burning your breakfast, forgetting your umbrella when it rained, dropping your phone and cracking the screen protector; you name it, it happened.

the worst of all: missing your boyfriend. pepe was away for the aurtrian grand prix. after what was a 2nd place in the sprint, you weren't there to celebrate with him, but he made sure to send you a bunch of photos and videos of the afterparty. he was due to come home yesterday, however, his relatives who lived overseas was also to come over to his house and he was tasked to accommodate them.

even though you facetimed and called every night, explaining how your day went and hinting that the week deteriorated your mood; you still didn't want to make it seem like the world revolved around you and pontentially shift pepe's focus from the his race.

so you were left to comfort yourself. which is easier said than done.

you'd honestly had enough of this week and what better way to end it than to bake cookies to stuff in your mouth while binge-watching some shows.

standing in the kitchen for, what felt like hours, mixing all the ingredients while following your so-called 'perfect recipe' for chocolate chip cookies. you could feel the relief rush through your body as you put the final batch of cookies in the oven and dust off your hands against your apron–

DING DONG...!

almost as an instinct your feet walk towards the kitchen door, "i'll get it" your mum beats you to the door. you try and sneak a glance for who's at the door but your mum's frame covers more than half of your view, "well hello, darling..." she exclaims with a definite surprise to her tone.

as you try to pry for another glance, your brain starts to go through everyone your mum could possibly be calling darling: dad? he isn't going to be home until tonight. your sister? she's out with friends. grandma and gr–

the train of thoughts is interrupted by your mum, "__, someone's here to see you".

who could it be? you run to the front door and see–

"pepe! oh my god!" you practically jump and wrap your arms around him. he chuckles at your reaction and returns the gesture by hugging you tighter. "hi, mi amor" he sets you down and hands you a bouquet of your favorite flowers. you bring the flowers to your nose and the scent makes you instantly smile.

"..but i don't understand, i thought you had family over?" you inhaled the scent of the freshly picked bouquet. "well.. yes, i actually had to excuse myself and thought we could go out, especially after you had such a rough week.." pepe's expression softens as he explains himself.

wait. rough week? how did he know?

"how- how do you know" now your brain was really using all it power to understand how on earth he knew. "you didn't seem too like yourself when we facetimed and you implied you had a bad week so.." he smiled softly and shrugged it off like it was normal to do.

your boyfriend is truly one in a billion.

you couldn't help but grin to yourself while letting your inner self squeal, because how did you actually get so lucky.

once you returned to your normal composure, you asked "where exactly are you planning to take me to?" your eyes meet his brown ones. "so.. i might've stolen my uncle's pick-up truck and bought tickets to the drive-in movie theatre that just opened up.." you blankly stare at your boyfriend after his newfound revelation. a few seconds go by and your boyfriend takes this as the queue to add "oh! and if you're worried that you're not prepared, i've got everything set: loads of blankets and pillows, soooo many snacks plus your favorite crisps and soda" he grins widely while reading your face anticipating your reply, god that smile somehow manages to convince you right then and there. "hold on, i've got to get the cookies out of the oven and then we'll be off" your giddy self rushes back inside the house to get ready, hastily.

pepe pulls into a parking spot, you have finally arrived at the place. the atmosphere is lively with a lot of couples, mostly around your age, cozily snuggling against their significant other. as soon as you spot an empty parking space, you gesture to pepe at the space and he wastes no time in putting the car in park.

you both get out of the car, taking a look around before helping one another set the trunk for a cozy movie time. placing the blankets and pillows in ways that covered the whole trunk floor, while pepe catches you up with everything that has happened since he landed back home. at the same time, your eyes flicker between the huge bag of snacks sitting in the middle of the trunk and your boyfriend's face, who's telling you something crazy that happened before the free practice. this distraction seems to get noticed by your boyfriend "do you wanna start eating the snacks?" your face emits a look of surprise, which earns a chuckle from pepe.

before you even try to protest, he pulls the huge bag full of snacks and plunges his hand, trying to dig down the bottom. after a while, his hands emerges with your favorite bag of crisps and your face immediate lights up.

you waste no time in popping the bag open once he's handed it to you, and before you know it, you've stuffed your face with the crisps. "woah.. woah.. slow down, don't wanna end up choking now do we?" he wipes the sides of your mouth with his hands cupping your face while doing, and all you do is just smile like a kid.

before long, an announcement could be heard blasting from the loud speakers, notifying everyone the movie is going to be projected soon. you were too busy munching on your crisps to pay attention to the a word it said. however, the shuffling behind you was difficult to miss, you tilt your head to face behind you and focus your gaze to your boyfriend, who's making himself comfortable in between the blankets and pillows you guys laid out. he notices your stare and grins at you before patting the space next to him, gesturing for you to sit next to him.

you take your shoes off and kick them to the side before nestling beside pepe, before getting back to finishing your chips. once you've dusted off the crumbs and made sure your hands were clean, you let yourself lean on to your boyfriends' shoulders, the feeling of relief with the mix of exhaustion leaves your body with a sigh.

suddenly all your problems seems to leave your mind, the horrible luck that was persistent throughout the whole week? all gone. all that was left was the extreme peace you felt right at this moment, shared with your boyfriend. you smiled to yourself as you feel your boyfriend's head lay on top of yours.

the movie soon starts, and you were barely paying attention to the movie with the jar of freshly baked cookies on your lap, god knows how many cookies you've downed so far. your eyelids can't seem to keep open for any longer, it gets heavier by the passing second.

before you knew it, your eyes were closed and light snores came out of you. pepe's face softens as he glances to admire your peaceful state, with stands of hair lying on your face, he moves your hair and tucks it behind your ears, settling you as you snuggle closer to his figure. this gesture melts his heart, he felt so bad for leaving you behind while you had a horrible week and he was out racing and celebrating without you. he wishes he would be with you every day, every time, every second if possible. your boyfriend plants a kiss on your temple, smiles, and admires you one more time, "sleep tight, cariño"

he promises to be next to you, forever.

[torialefay]

hiii idk if you've talked about this before but intuitively + astrologically speaking, how do you think chris would deal with a s/o who at first glance is hyperindependent/in constant i-can-do-it-myself mode due to being let down too often

hello honey! i haven't addressed this specifically, so i will go ahead and do that here. that's such a great question! i'll go ahead and link this post here that i also made that i think goes along with/supplements the points i'm going to make <3

how would chris deal with a s/o who is hyperindependent?

• his mars in sagittarius: sag is one of the signs that most values independence. having his mars located here, he himself goes through life by taking charge and being independent & self-sufficient. he highly values that freedom that comes along with it. and because of that, i think that he's easily able to understand where people come from when they also take action in this way. it's only instinct for him, so he knows WHY other people would be that way too. and tbh, i feel like he prefers someone who is able to take initiative.

• his libra sun,moon,mercury & scorp venus: in relationships, chan needs to feel like he can read you like a book. and if you are hyper-independent, more than likely he CAN. because he too knows exactly what it's like, so he knows the internal struggles that he may sometimes have as well. and as we've discussed before, chan can have a caregiver complex as well, which i think is heavily influenced by his libra placements & thus his need to be useful to those around him. he's very much in tune with people's emotions & in a way, he gets his own validation from being able to help others.

• so let's put all of this together! chris probably REALLY admires someone who is independent & will likely look for that in a s/o. he likes people who can take care of their own shit, but can be soft for him & him only. i think that when he is with someone who handles everything for themselves, he will see someone who needs more relief than they let on. and he LOVES knowing that he can figure that out in you. he LOVES knowing that even if you manage to be completely self-reliant, you would feel safe letting your guard down for him... and to give in to him. he loves being able to take care of you like no one else can. it gives him meaning & purpose, as well as that soul-bonding connection that he so deeply craves.

• i truly believe that this would be an ideal match for him. someone who can handle their own & do their own thing, as well as he can do his. but at the end of the day, you always have each other & your safe space away from the world ❤️ it's all about duality

• bonus: i think his MBTI backs up part of this as well. with his ENFJ, he has the extraverted feeling function, as well as introverted intuition. from his extraverted feeling, he's really able to focus on/pick up on the emotions of others around him... even more than his own. with his introverted feeling function, he's able to process that by rationalizing and relating his own experiences to perceive what you need. so he will be able to pick up on it quickly, as well as relate to it quickly. he just gets it <3

[thegreenthepeacetheorange]

Everlark (Mockingjay, Ch. 25-27)

peeta also being in the burn unit bc he was in the city circle

what i personally believe is that he's the one who tried to put out the fire that overwhelmed katniss, hence his own burnt hands and forehead

her using peeta's coping mechanism of pain to stay grounded in reality

when katniss talks about all the people she trusts being said, she highlights that there is peeta but he wouldn't know any more than her about 13's plans.

"we are both fire mutts now" - still a (broken) team

"those same blues" mentioned again

haymitch understanding katniss. the dad that stepped up. i love that he says "i'm with the mockingjay" instead of "yes"

katniss being our fave feral girl by literally biting into peeta's hand as he stops her from taking her nightlock

the fact that when she says "let me go", our baker boy with the beautiful words and the charm can only say "i can't"

just another instance where these can't let each other go. has anyone made a counter for these instances?

peeta is well and truly back. to do that. to know he can't let her go. that even when she bites him so hard he bleeds, he just looks into her eyes and lets her know he can't let her die

the fact that after the way katniss was used in the games and then in the rebellion, afterwards when she's damaged and broken and bruised and they have no more use for her, she's just sent off to 12

"there's no obstacle now to taking my life. but i seem to be waiting for something" - the same way peeta kept his hand open with the nightlock pill waiting for katniss to curl over his hand for him, katniss waits for peeta's permission to die

i love that she doesn't even mention peeta by name when she sees he's returned. we just know instinctively that he's the "him" that's back.

peeta says dr aurelius wouldn't let him leave the capitol til the day before which makes me think peeta had really been trying to be discharged to get back to katniss.

"his eyes have lost that clouded, tortured look"

katniss who understandably has fallen into physical disrepair over the last two chapters now feels "defensive" as peeta looks at her, frowning, and tries to push her hair out of her eyes somewhat. her relationship is SO different to the one she has with everyone else. and that's because it's really the only one where she's concerned with romance and her looks etc

peeta digging up and bringing her primrose. the boy with the bread is still here bringing gifts that can't have a price put on them. he is the sweetest most beautiful fictional boy

katniss is relieved that gale is in 2, far away. that era of her life is over, that friendship is over.

although she's still confusing right to end. why are you thinking about gale's lips kissing other lips. i think it's just like her finding closure but still.

katniss falling asleep on the sofa but waking up in her bed. we can guess who got her there

it's only after peeta comes back that katniss starts to hunt, find closure, grieve with others.

peeta bringing her a warm loaf of bread again.

them taking the family plant book and creating a new book to honour and remember the dead. her, peeta and haymitch creating their own makeshift family book. so tragic so beautiful

"peeta and i grow back together" - like it was inevitable.

But his arms are there to comfort me. And eventually his lips. On the night I feel that thing again, the hunger that overtook me on the beach, I know this would have happened anyway. That what I need to survive is not Gale's fire, kindled with rage and hatred. I have plenty of fire myself. What I need is the dandelion in the spring. The bright yellow that means rebirth instead of destruction. The promise that life can go on, no matter how bad our losses. That it can be good again. And only Peeta can give me that. So after, when he whispers, “You love me. Real or not real?” I tell him, “Real.”

i love how simple and matter of fact this whole passage is. she doesn't need to go into flowery descriptions or explanations. she's already done that for three books.

i just love this whole passage so much. so much hope. so much love. after all that's happened, katniss learns to live again, to hope again, to love again, to see goodness again. and peeta is a key to her achieving that. and it's so beautiful

as an adult, i now know that this scene is alluding to their first time having sex. the mentions of his arms that build to his lips that build to her hunger from the beach that night. "so after" is after that night, that moment in their relationship where things become elevated in a new way.

him whispering that is not him asking her to declare it or say it. he's asking her to confirm what he feels, has felt. that she loves him. and she knows now her answer forever. real.

[ladyxskywalker]

lost without you, i & ii

Anakin Skywalker x F!Reader/OFC

a momentary separation between you & anakin happens while you are not feeling well. however, despite the circumstances, your hearts have only grown fonder of one another each time you speak on the phone. 💙

I wrote this a while ago & was kindly asked to repost it here on tumblr. also available to read on ao3. based on a real life situation. 🌼

i.

It's been weeks since you've been together. Something awful and truly beyond your control, forcing your current separation. A horrible flu making the rounds in your home world, where you - after attending a wedding, unfortunately, had come down with it as well.

"I confess, my love, I haven't been doing well without you." Anakin confides quietly in you, taking advantage of whispering in hushed tones over the phone.

"Anakin..."

"I know you're still recovering, but I can't help it, I'm selfish for you. I want you here...right now."

A softened sigh of your breath leaves your chest with a slight struggle, a cough escaping there, and a tear drop too.

"I will be back soon, I promise. Being without my other half has truly been unbearable."

"I just...I just want to hold you."

"You will again, soon enough. I promise."

But what you really meant to say, through the emotional heartbreak you've been facing is - yes, I know things have been difficult, I just hadn't realized that you'd been going through this just as much as I was.

"Will I, though?"

It hurts the most when his own mind leads him away from reality and the truth. Right away thinking or feeling like he'll never see you again. But the thoughts are only just intrusive ones, they have no real bearing on what lies in your heart.

"Yes."

Your head starts to feel too heavy, and your pillow is much too nice for you to even attempt getting up right now.

Sleep was inevitable. You hadn't been able to rest in days. Too nervous with worry to let your eyes close.

Too sad and unable to sleep without him all alone.

"This war...sometimes feels as though I am completely by myself, even though I know I'm not. I sense everything so strongly, it's harder than I thought."

"You need human contact. I understand that more than you know."

"Yes. I want it from you."

All while laying down, your cheeks have felt your eyes as they've already gone ahead into weeping. Another sort of instinct, telling you to finally let it all out.

"Tell me...what you miss...what you hope for most when eventually I do return."

Anakin pauses on his side of things, taking a breath before surrendering to his own heart.

"I just...I just want to be close to you."

"I want that too."

"I want to hug you for as long as I'm able to. Hold you in my arms while we sleep together in our room. Watch you smile at me from the door when you wake up. But..."

"But what, handsome?"

"The days...they're too long, too far."

After holding things in for so long, he begins to get a little bit choked up.

"I miss you, Anakin."

"I miss you too..."

So for now, all the two of you can do for one another is wait. A few more days for him to be home, and another stretch of time for you to start feeling better once more.

And then, there's a little static.

Background noise.

Another voice coming through over the phone.

"General Skywalker, there are enemy hostiles about. We should flank them on foot. Surround them."

"Good call, Commander. Lead the way, I won't be long."

You can almost picture his face in your mind then. A distance resonating in his eyes, veering off somewhere towards the setting suns, before looking back down.

Confident.

Brooding.

And, maybe even a little bit tired from it all.

"Go."

"I'll call you again tomorrow. And..."

"Hm?"

"I just want you to know, I'm not going anywhere."

Right then and there, even from across the airwaves, you sensed his light and the force of his love deep within your bones.

... 🌼

ii.

after being apart from one another for quite some time, anakin gives you a warm welcome home ❤️

this part is rated M or E for smut feel free to skip if this is not for you additional content tags: soft smut, couch time, sleepy morning intimacy, implied things happening, nothing crazy

It started with a long hug and a gentle hello. A smile for you, already gleaming with excitement as he greeted you by the door.

You were going to dinner that night. A fancy one he'd been planning for weeks for your birthday. Thoughtful gifts, wrapped with care, just needing to be opened. A release of kind breath, leaving the anxious state of your lungs then, because now - finally, all is well.

And you were home .

"Are you feeling better, sweetheart?"

"Mhmm."

He pulls you closer. Your hands, finding their way up to the back of his neck to feel his still wet hair from the shower.

Anakin hums, tracing the tip of his nose along your neck - leaning into it, enjoying the touch of your skin. The smell of your perfume that he loves so much.

"Do I look stupid?" He chuckles, all while holding you tighter to him.

"No. You're perfect."

"Good. Now go, open your gifts. You've waited long enough."

But for just a minute, you'd rather just take him all in there instead. To say how much you truly missed him while you were apart. That the greatest feeling in the world right now is knowing that Anakin is the best gift of all.

The night went by so fast. Laughing with each other first, then with friends...

Sneaking off somewhere for a while in a dark corner of the bar...

The softened shadows, encasing you both in their ease of surrounding comfort. And his hands, showing you the way toward his hips in front of everyone else, without a care in the world.

Your arms wrap around him easily.

His incredible blue eyes, focus on your lips.

Then your palms cup his face, completely letting go - falling on air immediately when he begins to kiss you hard.

"Want to get out of here?"

"Mm. Yes ."

"We don't need to be here anymore."

And so, you go.

"Come here."

He reaches for you to straddle him on the couch, insistent on his keys landing somewhere on the hard surface of his table below. Making a slightly abrupt noise that he knows someone else might have complained about...

But, he doesn't care where anything is supposed to go right now, and neither do you.

Not with the way you've been eyeing him sweetly from above...

Your shoes ending up someplace with his boots as they've already fallen over...

His belt buckle, already lost underneath his messy chair on the floor.

"I missed you. I thought...I thought you were never coming back. That, maybe you were gone for good."

Anakin caresses your face, brushing your cheek with care at the tips of all his fingers.

"You're my other half, I'd never leave you. Never..."

Anakin sighs, almost afraid to speak. Always brooding, so deep in thought.

"All those weeks...I couldn't bear it. I wasn't myself."

You kiss him slowly, slotting your lips together, chests pressing, getting even closer.

"I know."

Leaning down, you trace every line of his neck with kisses. Gripping the hems of his clothes. Shifting your hips against his, silently begging for him to help take them off.

But it's you that he wants first.

Completely vulnerable and bare on top of him.

Another hand, slipping between your thighs - teasing you with his strong and capable curling. Eliciting a budding sensation there that makes you moan.

The tip of his tongue, encircling the pebbled skin of your breasts, his eyes soothed to a close as he takes each one into his mouth.

"Yes... oh , please... please ."

Then, he grins, feeling that stray shiver he seems to know so well. Shifting you just the slightest for a second to take his pants off. Guiding your hand lower against his hardest part just to arrogantly show what you do to him.

"I want you. Right here ."

And as you lower yourself down upon him, it feels as though everything is made right again.

Affectionate sighs of impassioned relief, escaping there from you both...

Foreheads dipping into an almost blind surrender to the simplest form of selfish touch...

It took some time for you to drift off. The adrenaline and excitement of seeing and truly being with him again, almost feeling like too much.

He hums when he sleeps sometimes, sensing when occasionally your eyes tend to open - watching him. Closing them softly again when you know you've been caught.

You missed his bed. The smooth sheets. His warm pillows.

The broad span of his chest, and the cool feel of his arms.

Snuggling closely to him, you check the time. Looking across the room at towards the window, judging that by now it had already been morning. Your calming hint being the comforting light of the sun.

"Mm. I haven't slept at all..."

You whisper to yourself. Unable to fathom the last time you did something like this. Or that all of it had truly been real as well.

"There you are..."

Anakin slowly opens his eyes, allowing them to adjust.

"Morning, handsome."

Looking over, you see that all this time, the sheets have grown tighter. Sliding your hand beneath the warmth of your blankets to palm what lies beneath them. Though, before you know it, both he and you are no longer guarded by your covers.

"Where do you want me?"

You whisper, pressing each word against his waiting mouth.

His kiss, feeling like the only sort of sensual welcome you ever want to know.

Then, wordlessly, he takes you by the wrist, carefully and protectively, leading you back up and over where you belong.

Reaching around the hardened length of him, the pad of your thumb grazes over the smooth tip, before guiding it towards that sensitive spot. Letting go.

He kneads at your flesh, grasping at the skin of your thighs, rolling you forward, kissing you hard. His fingers, holding tightly to the back of your head. Freeing you only when you stretch, sitting back up. Your entire being, on passionate display for him there.

"I'm a lucky man..."

He smiles, all while mumbling a string of endless thoughts. Secrets from his mind that he's been keeping. Allusions to everything he loves about you, never spoken, always bottled up. Until this overwhelming moment.

Until, right now.

"You're a goddess... so beautiful..."

You can't help it when a single tear begins to fall, when you see his pure surrender to joy slipping with dampened eyelids of his own.

A rough hand then changing the scene...

Emotions running wild when a mere gentle moment turns into something else.

Your lips, pressed into momentary capture by the welcome feeling of his palm.

All you can do is watch him, as he's watching the joining spaces between you. The quickened pace that comes from the rolling of your hips. Your fingertips, toying with your own chest there...

And then he releases you. A moan escaping, then his shuddered breaths...

Another kiss...

Then one final glide.

Your blinding wave and loving fall, following his right after...

He's so warm, so safe like this. That when he eases you off of him, carefully making space for you to sleep next to him some more, you almost can't believe that you are really here with him now.

That you've almost spent four seasons of time with this amazing man.

That either one of you no longer had to fear the thought of being alone.

No universe exists where you would ever dream of being with someone else.

And you loved him.

... ❤️

thanks so much for reading 💌 xo A

[lorilane33]

Midnight Musings

Pairing: Echo x Reader

A/N: I think I should start a bingo card for myself with all this fandom hopping I'm doing lol Star Wars is my current hyper fixation, and one special copy paste boy had my soul in his hands.

Summary: You wake up to find Echo not in bed.

Word Count: 1,098

Warnings: This is truly the saddest thing I've ever written, which isn't saying much. But Echo has been to hell and back, and he needs all the hugs in the entire universe. So this was my self indulgent self doing just that.

In a quiet bungalow somewhere on lower Pabu, something suddenly pulls you from the pleasant dream you were having. In the bed you share with Echo, something didn’t feel quite right, but you couldn’t place what it was.

You huff, mildly annoyed at the inconvenience of being pulled from sleep and snuggle deeper into the blankets in hopes of finding sleep again. 

You sleepily reach behind you in hopes of Echo being able to hold you until you fall asleep again, only to find the sheets cold. “...Echo?” you mumble, sleep thick in your voice. Less sleepy than you were mere seconds ago, you now understand what had pulled you from your sleep. 

Your boyfriend was not where he needed to be, and you had a feeling you knew just where to find him. Pushing the covers off yourself, you swing your feet over the edge, sliding until your feet gently hit the floor. 

You start your journey out of your shared bedroom and into the living space, leaning against the doorway. Looking around for his familiar bald head, you find him sitting at the table, head resting in his good hand.

From what you can see, he’s glaring down at his scomp link that rests in his lap. “Honey, are you alright?” you whisper. Some nights Echo had a hard time with nightmares or sometimes it was his survivor’s guilt that did him in. 

In the light of the moon, Echo looks up at you, a shimmer of regret in his eyes as he responds, “I’m sorry, cyare. Did I wake you? I didn’t mean to.” A sad smile lifts at the corner of your mouth as you pad towards him. 

“It’s okay, really Echo. I woke up and you were gone so I thought I’d come find you.” Reaching the table, you place your hands on his shoulders to gently pull him back into a sitting position. “What was it this time, my love? A nightmare again?” 

He sighs and reaches his hand up to hold yours that sits on his shoulder, then shakes his head no. “No, mesh’la. Not this time.” 

Leaning forward you place a kiss to the top of his head. “Then if not a nightmare, what is keeping you awake at this hour, hmm? And if you think of fibbing to me and saying it’s nothing, then you will indeed have another problem to reckon with,” you respond, almost whispering the words into the top of his head where your lips remain. 

You hear him chuckle tiredly at your sass, the sound of his laughter lifting your spirits a little. Breaking the hold of his hand on yours, you slide your hands over his torso, stopping at the chest plate that sits atop his sternum. You feel him sigh, simultaneously in relief and in resignation at your touch. 

“Alright, fine.” The low cadence of his voice soothes you, as you hold him from behind. He reaches his good hand back up to lay over yours again, and you smile into his neck as he answers your question. 

“Cyare, it’s just…I don’t…,” he sighs, struggling putting his feelings into words. “I miss Fives, so kriffing much. The rest of the Domino Squad too, but Fives and I were brothers by choice. The two of us had been together since Kamino. Having to carry on now? Knowing he doesn’t get to? It hurts.”

You feel him shudder in your arms as speaking becomes too much for him, your arms instinctively pulling him closer into your arms. Heart breaking for this beautiful man, you softly respond, “I know you wish you could bring them back, and if it were possible, I’d do it for you in a second.” 

Stepping back, you keep one of your hands clasped tightly in his as you slowly slip around his shoulder to face him. Dropping to your knees, you reach up to caress his face with your free hand. When a tear falls from his amber eyes, you lightly brush it away with a swipe of your thumb. 

You squeeze his hand before continuing, “But I do know that wherever they are, they are so kriffing proud of you, Echo. You may have the scars and some metal parts to contend with now, but you survived. And are all the stronger for it. Your resilience and quiet strength are a couple of the millions of reasons why I have fallen in love with you.” 

A small smile graces your lips as you drop his good hand and gently pick up his scomp link still sitting in his lap. “This old scomp link? Is proof to me every day that you survived and are here with me. I wouldn’t trade that for anything, Echo. And if you need me to remind you every kriffing day that I love you, and that I’m not going anywhere, then that’s exactly what I’ll do.” Lifting it to your lips, you place a gentle kiss against his scomp while retaining eye contact with him. 

His bottom lip quivers, and his eyes blink slowly. You can see the emotions churning below the surface of his beautiful face. Then, you are suddenly yanked up into his lap and into his embrace as he holds you close. 

You place one arm around his neck, pulling yourself level with him. His response is a rumble of emotion, “Thank you, my love. You always know exactly what to say to me to make me feel better. I’m sorry you have to-”

“Ah!” you suddenly place a hand over his mouth. “If I hear another apology out of your mouth, good sir, then I'll have to punch you. And I’d really hate to have to do that, Echo.” A grin breaks out on your face, as you make eye contact with him. 

He looks emotionally drained, but graces you with one of his genuine smiles as you lean forward and place a kiss against his headset. As soon as you move your head away from him, you feel him turn his head and pull you in to press a gentle kiss to your lips.

“You’re not wrong, cyar’ika. I’d hate to have you get violent. Your punches hurt.” He chuckles, and you feel it tingle on your lips. “And for the record? I love you too. Thank you for being so understanding.”

He kisses you again, pulling you close. The two of you continue to sit in the quiet of the kitchen, trading kisses and soft words until the sky outside turns gray; a new day on the horizon.

[antivanbrandy]

i wanted to take a crack at the relationship chart meme for bg3, but made life harder for myself in the process by doodling everyone asdfghjkl

a bit of info about the relationships under the readmore!

so to start from the top and work around clockwise:

Astarion: her best friend, her partner, and love of her life. his flippant hot-n-cold attitude at the start of their relationship (she failed that first big insight check so she didn't know it was all an act at the start) leaves her feeling bad about herself at times, but once they have their Act 2 heart-to-heart, their relationship only goes from strength to strength. we all know what a supportive and loving tav does for spawn!Astarion, but over the course of their adventure he supports her, too. they make each other stronger.

Rhapsody's self sacrificing need to help everyone, no matter how thin it spreads her, comes dangerously close to breaking her by late Act 2. Astarion talks her back from the ledge, so to speak, and helps her realise why she's doing it (Family Trauma Hour 2, Shitty Father Boogaloo) and the harm it's doing her in turn. it's purely self-interest that motivates him at first, because if she burns out then his protection and best chance at taking on Cazador goes with her, but once he comes to care for her his motives are much kinder.

i have so many post-game thoughts for these two, which includes an eventual cast of good old Reincarnation (which i honest to god rolled for and nearly squawked at the outcome) and the very specific complicated feelings that digs up for them, but if i keep typing i'll be here all day.

-

Gale: truly one of her best friends. she could sit with him in silence, just reading together, or her playing an instrument while he studies the weave, and be perfectly content. Rhaps is a lore bard, so she really enjoys swapping stories, information, and theories with him. she's also a big fan of his cooking, and enjoys the simple companionship of doing vegetable prep while he cooks and they chat together. she'd go to bat for him against anyone.

-

Wyll: a dear friend, and inspiration for more than one epic ballad (which makes him proud-blush every time). they swap tales, often together with Karlach, and he's been known to join her in a song and dance when she plays at camp if he's feeling in the spirits. they bond over complicated relationships with their fathers, love of good red wine, and most importantly, their unflinching dedication to helping people in need.

-

Lae'zel: their relationship is complicated. they both operate on a level the other just does not understand, and chafe against the others attitude to life. they grow to respect each other, but never truly become friends, which is sad because Lae'zel does get to a point where she'd like to extend that offer but has no idea how to voice her growing fondness, and then the adventure is over and she leaves with Voss.

-

Minsc: definitely a friend, even if they're not especially close. for his part, Minsc is delighted when Rhaps comes up with a little ditty about him ('from top to tail, evildoers do fear - Boo gnaws their eyes, Minsc kicks their rear!').

-

Jaheira: Rhaps' liked Jaheira immediately, as soon as she clocked the wine was spiked and Jaheira gave her that knowing smile and asked her to drink anyway. Rhaps grew up starved for parental approval and attention, and there's an undeniable current of Momther™ that carries with Jaheira's approval, stories, pick me ups, and pep talks that she latches onto very quickly. Jaheria herself is reluctant to be seen as a mother figure, she has her own kids after all, riiiiiight up until the point the gang come face to face with Rhaps and Aisling's father and she sees first hand how she's treated and how much she wilts in his company. After that it's just kind of defiant instinct, if a parental-flavoured pep talk is what the cub needs to get through the end of days, that's what she'll get, and her old man can go get fucked.

-

Shadowheart: Shadowheart and Rhapsody have a rocky start - Shart's combative attitude puts Rhaps on the backfoot, and they have a two steps forward one step back slow-crawl to understanding each other. There's a bit of a blow-up between them in the shadowlands that sets them back even more; Shadowheart's constant sneering and too-edgy-for-you remarks regarding Selune and Selunite magic grate on Rhapsody, who is already spread desperately thin by this point and is absolutely baffled Shart can't keep it buttoned for ONE minute when Selune is all that's standing between the people at Last Light -the tieflings she fought tooth n nail to save- and a gruesome death. and the more evidence they see of Shar's cruelty in the shadowlands, the more Rhaps begins to truly understand what Shar is capable of and the thinner she's spread from trying to help people in this bleak situation, the closer she gets to lashing out, until eventually Shadowheart goes one snippy comment too far and Rhaps blows up at her. they have it out, and it's bad, but when they eventually make up afterwards theyre stronger for it, and by the end of Act 3 theyre a lot closer than they ever thought possible.

-

Halsin: Halsin is a calming presence in Rhapsody's life. she thought turning down his offer was going to make things awkward for them, but it never did. there's a lot to learn from him, and a call to a calmer life and a sense of peace that Rhaps feels most keenly when she's out in nature with him. the druidic life isn't for her, but those moments of peace do wonders for her when she needs it.

-

Karlach: darling dearest bestest friend, platonic love of her life, sister from another mister, 'would absolutely ride the rollercoaster in the front car with you' bestest best friend forever. Rhapsody adores Karlach, admires and is inspired by her. Rhapsody has had very little interaction with other tieflings, and in comes Karlach full of friendly cheer and good humour and a massive heart, emotional vulnerability and honesty and cheeky smiles, all things Rhaps is drawn to and wants to be. she'd do anything for her, go to any lengths, and I can't even begin to describe how heartbroken this makes her on that dock at the end.

[misc-obeyme]

I'm curious now. Could you tell us more about your Brainrot over Barbatos "cosmic powers"? Or his time travel abilities?

Do you ever think he's old as time itself? (Google said Time itself is 14 billion years old). I wonder if he's the FIRST demon to exist right after the Demon king.

Anon, are you sure you want to get into this with me? Because when I tell you I've thought about it way too much...

I think there are a lot of possibilities for what the game means when it says that Barbatos has been around since before the Devildom took shape. I think that's what most of us are thinking of when it comes to considering how old he truly is. There's this general idea that the game hints at that Barbatos is far older than anyone and knows a lot about everything. It's implied that he had a younger phase or time of his life when he was less refined and restrained. It hints that there is so much more to his story.

Could there be something actually waiting for us that the devs have considered regarding Barb's history? Possibly. But considering their track record, I'm not sure if we'll ever actually find out what that might be. And if we do, it might be somewhat underwhelming.

That leaves us to speculate what it could be. And I've seen many different takes on it, some I like and some I'm like meh about.

For myself, I have considered multiple possibilities, especially in regards to his powers. What does it mean to be able to manipulate time? To be able to see a vast array of potential timelines? To move through them?

I explore some of this in The Threads That Bind. The curse that MC is hit with causes them to be able to see this sort of in between place where Barbatos can see the streams of different timelines.

But I also explored a slightly different take on it in a drabble where MC asks him if they meet in every timeline.

It's a concept that's so complicated and so twisty that you can write about it in multiple ways and still never fully explore all it could mean.

I tend to go with whatever works best for the scenario I'm writing. In Threads, I kept the ideas consistent with each other, but outside of a longer story like that, I find it fun to see how those powers can work in different ways.

That being said, I generally think about it like there's one main timeline - the one he's in. And then there are many other timelines and he exists in all of them. For instance, we have Timeline A and Timeline B. Barb A can see Timeline B and Barb B in that timeline and vice versa. They're aware of each other but they exist separately.

However, Barb A can also see the various ways that his own timeline can change. Every choice causes it to branch. So while he can see timelines like Timeline B that start separately from his, he can also see branches from his own timeline. Thus creating something like a Timeline A-1, a branch where a Barb A-1 now exists and makes different choices and changes in ways Barb A does not.

But this can get complicated and kinda brain hurty, so sometimes I just scrap all of that and think about it more in terms of vibes. Or perhaps in a more muddled way, such as the "time soup" description offered up by the game itself.

I like to think that Barbatos understands these complexities in a way that's natural to him. He just has the ability to feel and understand it all by instinct. Maybe he explains some concepts to MC in ways he thinks they'll understand or in ways that make them feel like their own current existence isn't meaningless. But he can never really explain it to them in a way that would allow them to understand it like he does.

I also like the idea that he deliberately shuts off his ability to tell what happens in the future. I mean we know he does this and that he'll only travel through time with Diavolo's permission. (Though really it's more like at Dia's request.) It's just so badass to be able to tell how each decision you make will change the course of your future and decide that you'd rather be surprised.

As for his age, I think it makes sense for him to be as old as time itself. But I do think he could potentially be slightly younger than time. His understanding of it doesn't mean he had to exist for all of it. Or maybe he traveled back to the beginning just to witness it all for himself.

If time is a soup, Barb's age probably is, too.

And I like to think he existed before the first Demon King. I think he's older than the Devildom, therefore older than its ruler.

I think Barb is more powerful than the demon kings ever were, but prefers not to have that particular rank or title. He's more of a working in the shadows type of guy.

But of course these are just my own thoughts. Well this is the tip of the iceberg of my thoughts a;dlkjfasdflj. Ask me next week and I might say something completely different lol!

[bupia]

Hello ✨ could you please do 28, 29 and 36 with Copia? <3

Inexperienced Smut Prompts: Copia, Papa Emeritus IV

"Do that again." "I never knew you could make such sweet sounds." - "Me neither..." "I got you."

There’s a smut bellow the cut, +18 only, please. [fem!reader] (voyeurism and oral sex) — I guess I wrote a lot for this one.

You inhaled deeply before your hand grasped the doorknob to his office. This wasn't your first time entering his office; in fact, you had been here many times before. However, a sense of nervousness gripped you this time, unlike any previous visits. It was different now that it was he who had summoned you with an air of urgency.

Gathering courage to face Papa, you sighed and reached for the doorknob, opening the door of his office.

"Papa...?" you called for him as you opened the door.

"Sorella! Vieni, vieni!" Copia exclaimed, gesturing with his hand inviting you to come inside. "Come inside, per favore."

"Thank you, Papa," you said, entering his office, closing the door behind you.

"I'm glad you found a time for me. I know you've been very busy those last few days."

"Oh! Yes, since you left your Cardinal role, things have been changing and you know how we need to rearrange everything inside of the ministry for you."

"Sì, sí," he nodded. "But that's not the reason I called you here today, sorella," he cleared his throat before continuing. "You should know that you are one of the most remarkable members of our ministry, I appreciate your devotion and your posture inside of our unholy house, but, a little bird told me your little secret."

At this moment, you come to a halt where you stand. What was Papa referring to? Maybe...

"At our ministry," he went on, "We wholeheartedly embrace the seven deadly sins, as you are aware. However, a little bird whispered to me that you, sorella, are unacquainted with one of them."

Copia strode towards you, coming to stop right in front of you. His hands extended towards your neck, his fingertips gently caressing the skin as he traced upwards, ultimately reaching for the knot of your habit's veil situated at the back of your head. With a deft motion, he untied it, allowing the veil to cascade down and settle onto the floor.

"P-Papa..." you uttered, your breath catching in your throat. "I... I can... explain."

"There's no need for you to offer any explanations, sorella," his hand extended toward your scalp, his fingers weaving through the strands of your hair as he administered a soothing massage to your head. "I've not come to pass judgment upon you, not in the slightest. In fact, I called you here today to assist you."

Your gaze met his, a blush warming your cheeks, as his gloved hands continued their gentle ministrations on your head. The sensation of his fingertips kneading your scalp made your lips part involuntarily, a soft sound escaping your throat, almost a whimper, as you surrendered to the sensation, closing your eyes to fully savor the moment.

"Does it feel good, sorella?" Copia murmured.

"Y- Yes..." you whispered, swiftly opening your eyes and instinctively moving a step away from him. "I apologize, Papa. I'm truly sorry."

"There's no need," he reassured, his smile carrying warmth. "Now," he continued, stepping back towards his desk. "Share with your Papa what transpired, why you find yourself unfamiliar with the sin of lust."

Copia shifted his position, leaning against the desk for support, while you advanced a few steps, positioning yourself before him—close enough to engage yet maintaining a respectful distance.

"You see, Papa, I... I..." you began, your voice laden with a hint of uncertainty as you attempted to summon your courage to speak. "I've already touched myself, sometimes, but... I just never did it with someone else."

"Oh, sì," he nodded in understanding. "So the issue here is that you never actually engaged in it, sì?"

"Yes, that's the reason I haven't... partaken in the sin of lust," you affirmed.

"And is it your desire not to, sorella?"

"I do want to," you nodded. "However, I don't wish to engage in such an act with just any fellow member of the ministry, Papa."

"What do you mean by that, sorella?"

"I'm not entirely sure how to explain, Papa," you responded, your gaze drifting away from him to focus on your feet. "It's not that I lack the desire, but rather that I believe I shouldn't."

"Shouldn't? How so?"

"Well... I mean, technically I could, but I don't think I should with someone I don't genuinely desire."

He concurred, his expression understanding. "You are absolutely correct, cara," he acknowledged, his hand lifting to touch your chin, gently tilting your head to meet his gaze. "But if you have a particular someone in mind, remember that you can always confide in me, cara."

You nodded, watching as he stepped away from the desk and made his way to his chair. You observed him as he seated himself, then took a deep breath, your fingers gripping your habit.

"You," you admitted.

"Hm? What?"

"I... I w- want it to be you, P- Papa," you stammered, nervously.

His eyes widened slightly, then narrowed slightly. "Eh?" he asked, his tone conveying surprise. "Why would you wish to have me, cara?"

"I... I... I just thought..." you stammered. "That you might be able to help me... I mean, I know you're our Papa, but..."

"It is true, I am Papa," he confirmed, nodding. "But that does not mean I can't share my bed with a sorella."

"I know that, Papa," you sighed. "I was hoping that perhaps you would be willing to share your bed with me, though."

"Carissima," he smiled, inclining his head. "You are very beautiful, cara, and you are also one of the most devoted siblings of our ministry, so I would be honored to share my bed with you, sorella."

Your heart leapt within your chest, causing your breathing to become erratic.

"I suppose we should discuss the details of this arrangement, cara," he said.

"What details?"

"The specifics of our arrangement, for one thing, cara," he explained, his smile growing broader. "And of course, I will need to know more about you, cara. Do you have any experience in matters of the flesh?"

You blushed furiously, averting your eyes. "I..." you began, your voice faltering. "I haven't had much experience in such matters as I said before, Papa," you confessed.

He chuckled softly. "Ah, cara, you are adorable. I am certain that you will be an excellent lover, sorella."

You watched as he stood up and walked over to you, his hands reaching out to cup your face.

"But enough talk, cara. It is time for us to consummate our agreement."

You blushed again, then looked up into his eyes, your lips parting slightly.

"Papa..." you whispered. "Are you sure?"

"Sì." His hand slid around your waist, pulling you against him. "Let's go to my chambers, cara?"

"Yes, Papa," you replied, your voice trembling.

He walked towards the door of his office, opening the door for you. You walked in his direction, leaving the office. He followed you and you both walked through the corridors, your heart pounding within your chest. You were afraid that you were going to faint, but managed to keep your composure.

As you two arrived on his chambers, Copia opened the door for you and you entered with him following you right after, closing the door behind him.

He turned to you, smiling, his arms reaching out to pull you close. You placed your hands on his shoulders and kissed him passionately, your tongue sliding between his lips. His arms wrapped around your body, holding you close as you continued to kiss him.

He pulled away from you, his hands sliding down your back until they reached your bottom, pulling you closer against him. His fingers slipped between your legs, caressing your mound through the fabric of your habit. You moaned softly, your hips moving against his hand.

"You want me, don't you, cara? "he asked huskily.

"Yes, Papa," you gasped, your voice breathless.

"I want you so badly, sorella."

He lowered his head, kissing your neck, his teeth nipping at your skin. You felt yourself becoming wetter as he continued to touch you, his fingers sliding inside your panties. He moved them slowly, rubbing against your clit, making you gasp.

"You are so wet, cara," he whispered, his breath hot on your neck. "I can feel how wet you are. You are already soaking wet for me, aren't you, cara?"

"Yes, P-Papa," you breathed, your voice husky. "I'm so wet for you. I want you so bad, Papa."

He groaned, his fingers continuing to rub against your clit, making you even wetter. "Oh, cara, I want you so badly," he moaned, his voice low and rough. "I want to taste you, cara. I want to taste all of you."

You whimpered, your hips pushing against his hand. "Please, Papa, please," you begged.

"Anything you want, cara. Anything you want," you could hear the lust in his voice. "Anything, cara. Just tell me what you want."

"I want you, Papa," you breathed, your voice hoarse. "I want you so much, please."

You heard him groan. "Sì, cara, you'll have your Papa. But first..."

He pulled away from you, your hands falling to your sides as you stared at him, your breathing ragged.

"First..?" you asked, your voice trembling.

"First, I want you to remove your clothes," he looked at your eyes. "I want to see you, I want to see all of you."

You started to unbutton your habit, sliding it down your body, staying before him in only your underwear.

"Take it off.," he ordered, his voice deep and demanding.

You did as he said, unhooking your bra, letting it fall to the floor, your eyes never leaving his face.

"Now, cara, lie down on the bed."

You walked towards his bed, lying down on the bed. He stood over you, staring at you.

"You told me you never did it before, but that you did it to yourself, so show me, sorella, show me how you touch yourself."

You smiled up at him, your fingers sliding into your panties, your folds moistening with excitement. You breathed his name in a whisper and he knelt beside the bed, leaning forward to look at you. His hands reached for the waistbands of your panties, slowly sliding it down your ankles.

"Oh, sorella, look at it," Copia said, leaning down, running his tongue along your slit. "Come here, I got you."

You gasped, your hips jerking upward. He licked you again, this time along your inner thigh, his tongue slipping between your flesh. You moaned softly, your hips moving against his mouth.

"You taste so good, cara. So sweet," he grinned.

His tongue slipped between your lips, licking up and down, dipping into your entrance. He moaned, his tongue sliding deeper inside you, tasting your juice. He removed his tongue from your entrance, sitting back on his heels, smiling up at you. He flicked his tongue against your clit, sucking it into his mouth, rolling it around his tongue.

"Ah! Pap-Ah! Fu-Oh! Please, this is so good!"you moaned, arching your back, rolling your head on the bed.

"Sì, cara, I know. I know that you like that. I know that you like my tongue on your pussy," he murmured, getting up from his knees. "But now, show me, cara. Show me how you touch yourself, for your Papa."

You reached down, your fingers slowly stroking your wetness. Your finger sliding easily between your folds, your wetness flowing freely. You closed your eyes, and your finger slid inside your entrance, but you quickly removed it. You heard a hum of disapprove from Copia, causing you to open your eyes, looking at him.

"No, cara," he shook his head. "Do it again, touch yourself properly for your Papa."

You slid two fingers into your entrance, curling them upward to rub your clit. He watched you, his fingers rubbing his growing bulge on his pants. You removed your fingers, going with them to your clit, circling it, spreading your legs wider.

"Papa... Papa, this is so goo-Oh!" you whimpered, rolling your eyes to the back of your head.

You moved your fingers back to your entrance, thrusting them faster inside you, your hips grinding against your hand. His fingers were still moving on his hardness, as he tilted his head to the side, watching you attentively. You were panting now, your fingers moving deeper, your hips moving faster as you curled your fingers, hitting your spot, crying out as your orgasm his, your body writhing beneath his gaze. You came hard, your walls clenching around your fingers.

"Oh, Satan, Papa! Oh Satan," you moaned softly, closing your eyes.

Copia grinned mischievously. "Did you enjoy that, cara?" he asked, pulling his clothes off.

"Yes, Papa, I did," you said, breathless.

"Molto Bene, because I have more for you. And this time, I'm going to give you want you want," he bent down and kissed you softly.

[countrymusiclover]

10 - A Special First Date

Part 11

Dr. Redheaded Neighbor

Comment your thoughts down below or in a reblog post

Tag list - send an ask to be added @annieradcliff @watermeezer @zaidatorcuatomorgado @kmc1989

Getting out of the Uber car I walked inside the firehouse 51 small door since the larger vehicle doors were shut most likely until they received a call for an emergency they needed to attend to. Seeing the back doors of the ambulance were hung opened and I saw some familiar blonde hair moving around. “Sylvie Brett!”

“Yeah that’s me. Can I help you – Mallory, what are you doing here?” She glanced over her shoulder sending me a huge friendly grin on her face.

I stopped walking when I was standing outside the doors with a hand on my hip. I was wearing my old Army jacket that I hadn’t felt like wearing after the day I returned home. “I have a few hours before Will comes and picks me up, so I figured I’d come and hang with you. “

“Awe that’s cool. Although I gotta say that today has been pretty slow. But I do have some good news for you. My boss told me when you come into his office he has an application available for you at the ready.”

“How about right now. I’m free for a little bit.” I suggested hopefully.

She nodded gesturing her head toward an office door. We walked inside the building turning a few corners until we stood outside an office that read Chief on the door. “Chief Boden, I’d like to introduce Mallory Easton. She’s the former Army k-9 officer I have been telling you about.” She lead me inside where I saw a tall black man wearing a white shirt sitting in a desk chair.

“It’s nice to meet you, chief Boden.” I extended my hand to the man causing him to rise from his chair.

He shakes my hand firmly. “Nice to meet you, Ms. Easton. Brett has told me quite about what you did in your friends building. You saved her life.”

“I wasn’t sure if the clot would hold. I just remember seeing some pretty bad wounds when I was deployed. Just followed my basic instincts.” I shrugged my shoulders in response.

“Well, it was very impressive. And that is one of the reasons I am considering hiring you to be on my team.”

I shake my head still making point that he needed to understand regardless if they both wanted me to work here in this fire department. “I appreciate the opportunity. Truly I do. But I don’t have the experience of a paramedic or a firefighter. I know I can take the course to learn but would you mind that I’d be having to learn everything and be on the team at the same time.”

“If you’re considering taking the job you can start taking the courses now. Once you’ve gotten through them you’ll have a job waiting here in a few months.” He explained leaning his back against his desk. “The fact that you are a former Army vet will boost your credibility to get through the programs.”

I parted my mouth open processing if I took the opportunity or not. In all honesty I was spending most of the time when Will was at work by myself. Maxon’s company could only do so much considering he couldn’t talk back. Being in this department would be a good distraction and I could help people that I couldn’t necessarily do when I was deployed overseas. “Fill out the application information for paramedic training and I’ll be seeing you soon.”

“Thank you so much, Chief Boden.” I smiled shaking his hand again before Brett and I exited his office and back outside to the trucks.

Brett paused in her steps hugging me before saying a word back. “I can’t believe you’re going to be working here.”

“Woah slow down, Brett. I’m not anywhere near completely getting the job yet.”

She breaks the hug and I sent her a smile. “I’m just excited for you is all. I’m not worried about you getting to work here. You’ll do fine given the injuries and situations you’ve been through.”

“Thanks for having high confidence in me.” I responded before a car horn started going off and I saw a familiar black car driving up to the open double doors. I knew I recognized the vehicle but wasn’t entirely sure till the driver door opened and auburn hair came into my view with that cheeky grin. “Will!”

He shut the door coming over to us. “Mal. Sylvie.”

“What are you doing here. I thought you didn’t get off work until 5. It’s 3:50.”

He shoved his hands in the jacket he wore over his red hospital scrubs. “Natalie agreed she’d take on the rest of my shift for me. Plus I knew I wanted to surprise you.”

“Awe.”

Brett chimed in. “Hey if you need somebody to watch your dog for the evening I’d totally be open for it.”

“That would be great. Thanks, Sylvie.” I hugged her back too as a thank you.

Will held out his hand for me knowing we both needed to change clothes before going on our first date tonight. “Are you ready to go then, Mallory?”

“Yep.” Placing my hand in his we started walking back to the car. “We’ll drop Maxon off here!”

Sylvie grinned calling back to us. “Treat my girl right, Dr. Halstead!” She watched us drive away from the firehouse feeling excited just like the both of us were about the upcoming evening.

5:30 rolled around by the time we had gotten back to our apartment building and changed clothes. I had slipped on some black leggings underneath a short orange shirt that fell almost down to my knees. Will was in some jeans, a green short sleeve shirt with a black jacket thrown over it.

“So where are actually going now. You haven’t told me a single thing about the plans.” I asked as we made the drive further into downtown once we had left Maxon with Sylvie.

Will had one hand on the steering wheel when he glanced over at me in the passenger seat. “If I told you what we were doing it would ruin the surprise.”

“You are terrible at keeping secrets around me.”

He scoffed with a chuckle. “I don’t know what you’re talking about, Mallory.”

“The first night Maxon and I spent in your apartment you attempted to blame Maxon for eating the last of the Oreo’s even though dogs can’t have chocolate.” I sent him a glare knowing I was right. “When in reality you felt guilty that you did it and fessed up telling me the truth two seconds later.”

He rolled his eyes recalling the moment. “That is completely different. This time I want this to be a surprise so you’ll just have to wait.”

The drive didn’t last too much longer before he parked the car outside of a restaurant I hadn’t been to before. He came around helping me out of the car so we walked inside arms linked with one another. The hostess led us to the nearest booth where we sat across from each other. “The waitress should be with you shortly.”

“I can’t believe you brought me here. I wasn’t expecting you taking me someplace like this. I thought you’d be taking me to Molly’s for drinks and dinner.” I chuckled picking up the menu seeing that they had pretty much everything on there you could think of getting.

Will picked up his own menu looking it over. “We can go to Molly’s another time if you want. But I’d thought since this is our first official date it should be something a little more special.”

“What can I get you two to drink tonight?” The waitress with her brown hair tied up in a bun while carrying a notepad in her hands.

Will and I responded at the same time. “Angry Orchard.” I snorted a laugh out seeing a huge grin get plastered across his face.

“Okay, I’ll be back to take your orders.” The waitress slowly walked away with her eyes lingering on my best friend and I watched her sway her hips back and forth trying to seduce him making me gag at the thought.

Focusing back on the menu I saw that they had a Mac and cheeseburger that sounds pretty good. I knew we were at a somewhat fancy restaurant but they still had it listed on the menu so I should give it a try. “What are you gonna get, Will?”

“I’m not really that picky. We can split something if you wanted to.”

The waitress came back taking out a pen. “What can I get you tonight?”

“I’ll have a Mac and cheeseburger with fries. Oh uh – were gonna share that.” I handed her back the menu and she scribbled something down walking away. She came back a few minutes with two plates in her hands sitting it down in front of me.

Will cut the burger in half and we both silently ate. I take a few more bites before I saw some of the cheese coming out from under the bun and the next thing I felt was Will’s hand brushing against the tip of my nose. “You got something right there, Mal. There you go I’ve got it.”

“I guess you can’t take me anywhere, Halstead.” I chuckled watching him lick the cheese off his thumb.

We finished eating the burger and fries with him paying the bill where I thought we were about to go home for the evening yet that wasn’t accurate. We drove for a few minutes until I recognized the parking lot and building we were pulling up to. “Will, why are we at the hospital?” I asked shifting around in the passenger seat.

“I wanna show you something and don’t worry I’m allowed to take visitors in.” He unbuckled his seatbelt getting out first and I followed him towards the front sliding doors of the hospital emergency room.

We walked into the building going directly to the elevators. He hit the button that said up and then the one that was labeled roof. I kept trying to figure out what he was wanting to show me that was up there. The elevator doors slid open where I started to step out yet he covered my eyes with his hands causing me to laugh. “Will Halstead, what are you doing. If you want me to see whatever is up here, you gotta remove your hands.”

“You’ll see what I want to show you in a second.” He responded slowly walking the both of us forward out of the elevator.

I chuckled holding my hands out feeling my fingers touch the edge of a metal railing. “Don’t you dare let me fall over the edge of this thing.”

“I’d never let that happen. Now open your eyes in three, two, one.” He lowered his hands where I blinked my eyes a couple of times seeing all the building lights at the ground. From how high we were off the ground everything looked so small from here.

I dropped my mouth open twirling around on my feet seeing my best friend flashing me a huge grin on his face. “This is amazing. I’ve never seen the city from this high above before from the time I have been living here.”

“I’m glad you like it, Mallory. My boss pointed out to me that you could see the whole city from up here and maybe share some drinks. Like I told you earlier I really wanted this to be super special cause you’re special to me, Mallory Easton.” Will closed the gap pressing our chests together wrapping his arms around my waist, nuzzling his nose down onto mine.

I giggled nuzzling my nose back with his own, wrapping my arms around his neck. “You sure know how to show a girl a good time. And you’re special to me too.” Leaning up on my toes I captured his lips with mine, threading my right hand into his ginger curls. He leans closer deepening the kiss enjoying the moment.

Unknown to us my phone was vibrating in my purse that he had set down on the table near where we were standing. The caller was someone I wasn’t expecting to hear from since I had returned home.

[iamafictionfreak]

TIS THE SEASON TO BE MERTHUR!

Just... Look at them!

I miss everything about this show. Even the very bad CGI and the weak-ass plot points/armour/conveniences/contrivances.

One Christmas Eve, almost 11 years ago, the entire Merlin fandom was butchered into tiny little distraught pieces. It didn’t matter if your favourite character was Merlin or Morgana, Gaius or Gwen. The showrunners held no qualms in destroying your dreams for Gwaine or Perce. The writers did not hold back in their aim to crucify the smile on your face, to forever turn it upside down. No ship was spared. All hopes for the show to finally commit to their original intent, to bring peace between peoples, to save Albion, to allow Merlin his freedom and Arthur the truth, was brought to a bitter, fatalistic end.

Not that I need to repeat this to you, you know what happened, but it’s worth reiterating that this travesty occurred… on Christmas Eve.

CHRISTMAS. EVE.

Christmas Eve.

The night before Christmas, the night before the day where all rules are broken and we can frolic like children around a decorated tree filled with twinkling lights, our collective hearts were shredded.

This event (once we recovered a tiny bit from the shock) gave birth to a plethora of astonishingly well written, poignant, devastating, hilarious fanfictions that had helped nurse our wounds, for nothing could TRULY heal (except a follow-up season with the original characters, come ON BBC) us.

After nearly 11 years of watching these brilliant entries grow, I never thought I’d jump on this bandwagon and write my own fic.

But I've had a few very shit years, as have many people around the world, and I started to wonder as we do when we want to prove magic can still happen.

My brain decided that it wanted my hands to write the most indulgent, likely over done fic in existence for the fandom. This thought stuck with me throughout the year – I was being STALKED by myself – and wouldn’t leave me the hell alone. This hasn’t happened in a long while.

Still… you’ll eyeroll at the idea. It's so OBVIOUS, I'm embarrassed by myself.

What if Arthur discovered Merlin’s magic from the get-go, from episode 1?

WAIT. Hear me out…

So, Merlin saves Arthur for the first time and Arthur SEES. He sees his eyes glow.

He knows he should tell his father, but his instincts are screaming at him. Honour is at stake. This stranger saved his life. How could he reward it with an execution? So, a chance needs to be given, doesn’t it? A chance for Merlin to give up magic forever and live a life of goodness, to turn away from evil and serve Arthur…

Except Arthur can’t help but wonder. About Magic, about Merlin and magic, about the law and all the whys attached and his place within this chain.

But he also can’t trust this peasant who cavorts with the devil, practices wickedness but smiles like a child and offers compassion to everyone. Someone so duplicitous must be dangerous… except Merlin’s an actual idiot! And it’s getting really difficult to keep his guard up.

But isn’t that how sorcerers work? They twist the mind with pleasing ideas, they tempt and coerce, they manipulate.

And slowly, Arthur finds himself being manipulated too. For how could he ever want to trust this man- but he does. He does.

And we’ve never been allowed to see Merlin deal with a S1 Arthur who’s in the ‘know’. Who’s forcing him to keep it secret, who’s threatening him with trial by fire, a young Arthur who’s ignorant, arrogant and so desperate to understand what he cannot trust.

Then there's the layers, royalty versus peasantry, friendship versus alliances, goals versus ideals.

I want to write a fic where this trust is built from the ground up. One of the things about the show that made it impossible for me to let it go is that the ‘relationship’ between Arthur and Merlin fits exactly zero categories, yet all of them.

Master and servant.

Friends

Family

Allies

Enemies

Romantic ideals

Platonic soulmates

Absolute Soulmates

I could go on. And it's one of those rare shows where the writing would be given more oomph if the males leads had dared cross a line or two.

Realistically, they weren't even friends. They were master and servant who'd become a little co-dependant. Arthur could never admit to anything more because of his station, but would he have been able to being completely himself around Merlin if he'd known the truth? We never see Arthur truly be himself. He wasn't allowed to be, not even with his wife. There was always a wall - it was how he was raised and any attempt to develop was killed by plot.

We never saw Merlin completely free, not with a single person. He started happy and healthy and innocent. A liar. He ended up bitter and terrified and angry and alone. Still a liar.

What would he have become if there'd been one person he could truly trust- not Gaius. Not a man already broken and brainwashed by his own self. A victim of the system just as much as he perpetuated the hate and completely unaware of the trap he lived in.

Many of the characters in the show have the versatility and potential to be written a trillion different ways, is it any wonder that fics continue to be written?

Well, I wanted to explore a slow burn development of trust, with Arthur learning how wrong he was, how much he’s trampled on, and all about the seemingly normal peasant boy who meant more to the world than Arthur could possibly understand. What would they have become if they’d been given the time, hm?

When they were young - yes, I'm going there - wild and free.

What of Morgana, what if she could have trusted? What if she could have understood? Would it have turned out differently? Would she have still become the other side of Uther's coin?

Would Merlin still have ended up alone?

There’s lots more I wanted to touch upon, it’s a big what if, but that’ll have to wait for another post.

I’m writing a 5 part prologue that occurs between episode 1 and 2. I’m hoping to release it for Christmas and then take the time to write the rest of the season.

Unless… you guys think it’s a waste of time? Let me know.

In the meantime, I’m STILL SUFFERING (fucking show) and it's making me write, write, write!

(gifs not mine)

[sakura-scum]

₊˚⊹ open arms ⊹˚₊

✿ a/n: i don't ever really post original content on here so whaddup :p unedited/not proofread af, but satosugu has been eating me alive and i needed to post this somehwere bc feels? heavily inspired by sza, i can't stop listening to this song omfg :0

✿ summary: angsty stsg analysis from gojo's pov

✿ w/c: ~1.5k words

✿ warning: anime + manga spoilers for jjk 0 + hidden inventory (ish) || implied sex? right off the bat tho lol, loss, grief, possible swearing :p 

𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 𓆟 𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 𓆟

"This was your first time, wasn't it?"

"I've already told you that."

"Hah... no. This was your first time being truly open with someone, hm?"

I'll never forget the way he delicately brushed the strands of hair stuck to my forehead. It was as though he held all the tenderness and adoration in the world for me.

"What do you mean? I'm always open?" My voice cracked, betraying the facade of strength I tried to uphold.

"The way you said that, as if it were a question, says it all." His observation felt like a dagger twisting in my heart, a painful acknowledgment of how right he was. 

I wince as he gently taps my cheek, coaxing me to meet his gaze. Suddenly, I'm hesitant to look into his eyes, afraid of further truth I may uncover there.

Eventually, when I did, I was reminded why I was here in the first place. Warm brown eyes that felt like home now held a distance I couldn’t bridge. The first gaze that could accept me for who I was. He can see right through my flaws. Here, I never had to pretend to be perfect. He made perfectionism feel like a distant dream.

"Stop overthinking. I hate it when you do that."

"Sorry," was all I could muster, my voice barely a whisper in the silence that lingered between us.

He smirks at me before rolling over onto his side. I remain fixed in the same position, staring at the ceiling, as if he were still hovering over me. Somehow, the weight of his absence felt heavier than his presence ever did.

"Thank you,” I whispered into the darkness, like a plea for forgiveness that would never be answered.

.     .     .

As the silence envelops us, I feel a surge of emotions rising within me. It's strange how words can sometimes fail to capture the depth of what we feel. But with him, it felt like there was an unspoken understanding; a connection that transcends mere conversation.

With a gentle sigh, I shift closer to him, seeking solace in his presence. His arm instinctively wraps around me, pulling me into a warm embrace. In his embrace, I find comfort, a sense of security that I've longed for.

I close my eyes, allowing myself to bask in the warmth of his embrace. It's in moments like these that I realize how much I've come to rely on him, and how empty my world would be without him. It was as if his presence had become a sanctuary in the chaos of my life.

After that day, I began to realize my own lack of transparency. Was I avoiding the scrutiny of others, or fleeing from myself? What destination was I so desperately seeking, and why? I’ve never been a lonely person, or at least that is what I had convinced myself. I’ve always been surrounded by family, friends, and loved ones. It was a fulfilling life, wasn’t it? Meeting you unearthed a loneliness rooted deep within me. 

 Every bad day, every terrible moment, I found myself back in that same special spot, searching for solace in the echoes of our past. Even if I didn’t voice my concerns, you always greeted me, arms open wide, like my head had a reserved spot on your chest where I could close my eyes and relinquish myself to the rhythm of your heartbeat. 

Before we crossed paths, I had never pondered these questions, content to drift through life to fulfill what I had been told was my purpose. But you redefined that purpose. Suddenly, I felt compelled to cease running, not from myself or others.  When did I become so reliant on you? Why was I now running from you and your open embrace? I fled towards the places steeped in damage and shame. Had I finally found the courage to look within? 

The questions you provoked within me felt like shards of a shattered mirror, reflecting back a distorted image of a soul struggling to find a place in a world that no longer made sense.

The solace I sought in you blinded me to the truth: you were the fractured mirror all along.

But how could I notice when I was so self-absorbed? Perhaps if I could mend the fragments of the ruins of my mind, a haunted house of mirrors, I could in turn help fix you. Days blurred together as I found myself gazing into my own reflection, contemplating how I might reach out to you, openly trying to reach the dark and shaded depths of your mind. In my blurred vision, perhaps I overlooked just how much you truly needed me. Fixing you felt like a cruel illusion, a fantasy born from desperation and despair.

Checking on you was not nearly enough. It just felt like a feeble attempt to bridge what now separated us. How could I convey the love you give to me so effortlessly? Did you truly grasp the depth of my feelings? 

 I said those three words so often, but you never had to because your actions spoke louder than any declaration. How did you effortlessly escape speaking in moments like these, when every word you uttered started to feel like a knife to the heart? What was silencing you? Have you ever even uttered those words to me? I can’t recall a time you did. 

The more I delved into self-improvement, the more distance was created between us. Was I on the wrong path? Did my self-loathing somehow bind him to me? I’d gladly revert to the dark depths of hating myself if it would draw him closer. Even now, though, that felt like a hollow promise to keep you from walking away.

My insecurities, the void in my heart… it gave you a purpose, didn’t it? I’d gladly embrace that version of myself if it meant I could stay by your side. I yearn for the comfort of residing in your arms once more. So I mirrored your actions: I waited for you with open arms. 

Why didn’t you approach me as eagerly as I had once approached you?

The day I found out about what you did, I felt more angry at myself than I did you. It felt like a painful acknowledgment of my own complicity in our downfall. I blamed myself for letting things deteriorate to this point. Whether or not I chose to adapt that feeling of self-hatred willingly, it seemed to return on its own accord. 

Did you choose to walk away or did my ignorance push you to that point? 

It’s like I couldn’t force myself to care about your actions; I just had to know if you were okay. I’m hopelessly devoted to you. Is this what love does to you? Is this how it’s supposed to feel? Please tell me it's love. I know you’ve always been hesitant to admit it, but I need to hear it from you. 

I searched endlessly until I found you. Amidst a crowd of faces blending together, none of them could hold a candle to you. My world was monotonous without you, and there you were like the sun in a valley of stars. You always swore you were the moon and that couldn’t be more false in my mind. Can’t you see my whole world revolved around you? 

I wanted answers. No, that’s not enough, I wanted to understand you. I needed to understand the depth of your pain and suffering, like a desperate plea for absolution in the face of our own insecurities and shortcomings. Why couldn’t I just open up to you? I wanted to tell you everything. You knew me inside and out and yet I couldn’t claim the same about you. My mind felt like a treasure you delicately unwrapped, cherishing every discovery. Yet, my impatience drove me to want to tear into your mind, to uncover all the secrets I endlessly sought. 

Where did you vanish to? What happened to us? Was I just another casualty in your evolving quest for power and control?  Did I ever truly know you? Who are you, really? 

I promise I didn’t intentionally self-isolate. That’s just what happens when you’re in love, right? My life was always this lonely, or that's at least how I remember things because my life only had meaning when you came into it. 

I guess I have to let you go. 

Memories spilled through the gaps of my fingers like grains of stars in an infinitely expanding galaxy. The more I tried to hold on to them, the more difficult they became to remember.

Retrospectively, I never changed myself. I’m that same broken teen I once was. You just brought perspective and meaning to my life, a debt I could never repay.  I never learned to be open or expressive. I just learned to endlessly drift with echoes because I couldn’t say goodbye.

At least I got to hold onto your lifeless form with open arms. 

𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 𓆟 𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 𓆟

✿ a/n: no, i won't be paying for anyone's therapy ;-;  comments n' feedback always appreciated! thanks so much for reading! ˚ʚ♡ɞ˚

[kaija-rayne-author]

Reaction to Dragon Age Veilguard Gameplay Preview. Editorial Critique.

Heads up... this isn't the most positive of reviews. And I'm a die hard (bleeding into the dirt) solavellan so if that's not your cup of tea you can stop reading here. Images and videos are all copyright of Bioware/EA. (Updated after the Q&A on June 14th)

Spoilers for all previous games, books, comics etc.

Content warnings for extremely colourful language.

I've worked really high powered corporate jobs, so I can play the part of cool, calm, perfect professional. But this is my gaming blog. I don't censor myself here. I grew up around truckers and it shows 😂.

I'm also neurodivergent so please know my emotions about this are confusion, sadness, a bit of horror, and depression. I've been told the way I use words can be read as confrontational. It's unintentional. (And again, it's my blog, I don't particularly feel it's right or necessary that I mask my AuDHD traits here, too.) I'm honestly not angry, or pissed off, or anything like that. Shrugs. I'm just sad. I don't bother to critique things I don't love. (Unless I'm being paid for it.) Much less to this extent. How much I've written here is in direct relation to how much I love Dragon Age.

Well.

I've watched it. Twice. Once on slow mode so I could get a better glimpse at the details.

I re-watched the trailer that I hated twice more. Again once on slowmo.

What. The. Actual. Fuck. Is. That?

It sure isn't Dragon Age. If it didn't have Bioware copyrighted material, I really wouldn't have been able to tell that it was supposed to be Dragon Age. If Rook had whipped out a light-sabre, it wouldn't have seemed out of setting. I want to play Dragon Age, not some weird Star Wars knock-off.

And yes, I know most of the fandom is going gaga at this point, but I don't understand why people can't see the issues amidst the excitement. Being the odd enby out in this situation is depressing as hell. I want to love it as much as everyone else seems to. But my editor brain won't shut up.

I'm used to having unpopular opinions. Just don't bloody crucify me for these. Editing media is my actual job. It's what I do. It's a highly developed, niche skill set I've been practising for over a decade.

Some people are extremely good with cars, I'm extremely good with editing. I only started doing it professionally because my writing critique partners told me my suggestions and the things I noticed were worth their weight in gold.

TBH, it wouldn't surprise me if I have some savantism when it comes to editing and writing. When I look at a piece of fiction in an editorial perspective, it's a lot like looking at a 4d puzzle for me. I can instinctively see what works, what doesn't, and how things that don't work can be tweaked so they do. I don't meet many others in my profession who do that.

And I have multiple NYT bestselling clients. I'm truly not talking out of my ass here. I'm not perfect, no human being is, but like many middle aged AuDHD/neurodivergent people, I know where my strengths and weaknesses lie. It comes off as arrogance for some reason to many people.

So, back to the preview.

It's got the right voice actors. It's got the copyrighted characters. It's got an absolutely terrible art style that is far too reminiscent of the comics for my taste. Because those comics were a travesty of both writing and art style.

And again, why the fuck does Varric have black hair? He's a strawberry blond! He looks like Varric and Blackwall DAI had a kid together. Or like they shrunk Blackwall DAI down. I don't want Varric to look like Blackwall. I didn't like him that much.

What? Did Varric have some sort of end of life crisis and dye his head, beard, and even his chest hair black? (Much reduced chest hair, fuck Bioware, why did you reduce his chest hair!) Did it all caterpillar its way up to his face? There were story significant reasons Varric was a dwarf without a beard. Did you forget that?

(Update from live stream Q&A. One of the devs said it's because Varric has been adventuring for a time and is mostly grey. That he's shown in dark light so it looks black.) Uhuh.

Reality bites sometimes, cause my dad is a strawberry blond gone grey and he never looks like he has black hair. Not even in the dark. But whatever. They've got an excuse for it. I don't buy it because it doesn't track with y'know, how hair usually works.

I could maybe get used to the steampunk vibe? Big maybe. That's still within the realm of Dark Fantasy.

Also... I've seen some reaction videos and y'all... Dark Fantasy is a genre. It has absolutely nothing to do with the colour palette! It means it's fantasy with dark/horror elements FFS!

I swear the reading comprehension of people has suffered since I was a kid.

But, but, but... if you've been reading me for a while you had to know that was coming.

What. The. Fuck. Is. This?

Walmart Sans? Bad Halloween decor they couldn't sell until it was 99% off at a home goods store?

Is that... is that supposed to be a Darkspawn? SERIOUSLY!?! Given a Warden was fighting it, I have to assume someone at Bioware has ergot poisoning.

It looks like a modern cartoon version of Skeletor. Which is definitely insulting to Skeletor. This dude looks like he's got on his tights, speedo, boots, a bitchin' mohawk, and orange lights on his garb for the Halloween party at the club. He might win best costume, but he fails at being a Darkspawn.

They didn't just swing and miss with going to the club dude, they couldn't even find the bat and glove.

And yes, I've heard the 'lore' excuse that it's the red lyrium warping them that way. I could buy that if they were A) red lights, not orange. B) Kinda spiky, crystal-like in structure. Y'know, like the red lyrium infected creatures in DAI? (That's called continuity.)

The lines are too smooth, bone doesn't warp like that, and he (the ogre version too) seriously just look like really bad Halloween decorations.

Also, whoever drew that needs to study human anatomy a bit more. That skull shape is so wrong. In so many ways. Former forensic anthropologist and artist. I've held more human skulls than people can probably guess. I've literally pieced them back together. I'm not awful at drawing either. That image is just bad.

I'm not a player who lusts to have DAO back as the only kind of Dragon Age. I've loved them all for different reasons. Games change over the years as new ideas, new creators, and new technology comes out. That's honestly a good thing. Innovation is awesome. Most of the time.

Sometimes it's a complete miss. Like with going to the club dude up there. I love a lot about the art in these games. It's a large part of why I play them. And that thing up there? That's not a Darkspawn.

THIS is a Darkspawn.

This is a Darkspawn.

This is a Darkspawn

This is a Darkspawn

They're supposed to be kinda gut wrenchingly horrific. The graphics are older yeah, but maybe you get my point? If you know the Lore of Dragon Age... I've marinated myself in it... the Darkspawn are blight corrupted humans, dwarves, qunari, and elves.

It's supposed to be the whole concept of 'what used to be, but no longer is' that's often used in horror. You know... the thing that looks like it was at one time a deer but is walking on its hind legs with a broken neck and glowy eyes that sends atavistic shivers down your spine?

They aren't... modern cartoon Skeletors or the Halloween deco you hide in the back of the garage 'cause you're embarrassed you ever bought it.

WTAF were they thinking? I honestly can't get past my utterly confused shock on this whole thing.

I've been saying for quite a while now that Bioware needs better developmental and diversity editors. (Or maybe even any? Do they have any? 'Cause that preview really makes me doubt it.) And uh... well. Yeah. That. (I'm an editor, yes. I do both kinds, yes. I'm very good at it, yes. No, this is not me hoping for a job at Bioware/EA.)

Snorts. Would I accept a job if a Bioware fairy dropped into my life and offered me a good living to look critically at that game for problems that could maybe be fixed?

I suppose me writing all this down is mostly just to get it out of my head. And to maybe let other disappointed Dragon Age fans know they aren't alone. Given some of the things I've seen on the 'net. I'm far and away from being alone in these opinions. You're not wrong. They've absolutely changed it so much it doesn't even remotely feel like Dragon Age.

And no, before you take that and run with it in an anti-diversity direction, I utterly love that they depicted Rook as Black. I love that Davrin is a Black elf. I love that Neve has a prosthetic leg. It's not the diversity changes I have an issue with. I adore those.

Probably. They'd likely pay better than my current job. And I really do love Dragon Age so much that if I could contribute to it in a way that made us middle-aged gamers happy too? It would be pleasing.

The likelyhood of that is probably akin to winning the lotto though, so no, it's not the point of my post.

But I'm going to slide this monstrosity of a post toward the devs. Maybe they'll listen to the free editorial critique and make this game make a wee bit more sense? Or at least feel like Dragon Age, sheesh.

Because who the actual fuck wrote most of that dialogue?

I want to point my finger at the ground and scold them like a puppy who peed on the carpet.

Then give them a really basic 101 lesson on dialogue.

It was either boring for the player characters (I absolutely assume it will get better there, it was just the beginning of the game, to be fair). And I definitely trust Patrick Weekes to have done an amazing job as lead writer for most things.

But I really would've figured that Bioware would know by now that fans want to know what the character is going to say exactly before picking an option. Not just a yes, no, mediocre choice. Players have been pretty loud about that. BG3 gave us (mostly) what we wanted and it swept GOTY.

The rest of the dialogue was such freaking factory canned bullshit that I almost rolled my eyes out of my head. Which would've been awkward. Fishing them out from under the dresser and all.

A Venatori shouting 'avenge our fallen brethren' (or whatever, I'm not watching it again to get the exact dialogue) has so much stanky cheese on it I can't even. People don't talk like that. Apparently, a few Bioware writers could stand to take a few writing classes. That's basic.

Patrick Weekes is an amazingly skilled writer. But obviously, not all Bioware writers are. (Snorts, which I know very well and it's why I'm so disappointed they chose Lucanis.)

Although, since Mary Kirby did the writing for him for the game (glares at Bioware) there may be hope for him.

Music? There was music? Hans Zimmer was a bloody mistake. Everything he's made in the past decade has sounded the same. Such a shame, because the soundtrack of DAI was epic.

The demons are fine-ish? I guess? If you utterly ignore how similar they look to Fortnite demons. They look a bit weird, but demons are just emotional emanations from the fade so could conceivably look like anything they wanted. (Lolz, the rather skilled artists I know are kinda pissed off at the lack of artistic skill used for their development. Even the under 30 years old ones. Especially them.)

But also... they had really cool demons already designed from DAI (from what I understand they used the same engine, Frostbite). Why didn't they just give them a glow up and use them?

This dude would've been way better for the pride demon. Plus, there would've been some continuity between DA:I and DA:V. In series work, some continuity is important. Or the thing doesn't feel like the thing. Just like based on those previews this doesn't feel even remotely like Dragon Age.

While I don't have epilepsy, I can guarantee those demons as pictured/audio in the preview are going to give me and probably many other gamers massive headaches. Gods know what they'll do to people who actually do have epilepsy. I mean... there are epileptic gamers. Gaming is supposed to be inclusive.

And I don't really want to fight Fortnite demons. I want to fight Dragon Age demons. I don't like Fortnite. (Or, y'know, I'd spend my money and time playing Fortnite?)

Why are there so many freaking Venatori? I mean... I'm flattered to have been right when I called it that we'd be fighting them again. But in Tevinter Nights they're depicted as being on their last legs as an organization.

Again with the Venatori. A little uninspired to be completely frank.

They're freaking everywhere in the gameplay preview? You fight so many of them! They're like toadstools after a rainstorm. Popping up like daisies! Whatever. Guess the major amount of bad guys in the Tevinter cities is likely to be Venatori. Which is just weird considering their god, Coryphyfish, is dead.

And dear gods he had better stay dead. He was such a lackluster villain in DAI to start with. And bringing back a previous defeated-supposed-to-be-dead villain is an overused fantasy trope that needs to die the miserable death it deserves already.

I bet they have huge spiders in this game somewhere, too. Sigh. Why is it always spiders? Or wolves? Or big cats? It's fantasy! Where is the creativity? (Also, you know that's kinda ableist against people with arachnaphobia, right? Which is a lot of people.)

But I've gone on at length before about Bioware and their ableism issues. (Which is why they need diversity editors.) I personally like spiders, but they could at least stop having them everywhere. Or give arachnophobic gamers the option to turn them off or replace them with a different image.

Moving on from their complete loss of the horror element with the Darkspawn; I wouldn't be scared of that thing even if it surprised me in the dark. I'd laugh at it. (And I'm a jumpy person. A lot of things can scare me if they come at me in the dark.)

And I'll ignore the absolutely uninspired bad guys in Minrathous, and the Fortnite clone demons.

What is that thing Bellara is holding?

I remember grinding for days in FF to get a special bow. Bows are my thing in a lot of games. When I got it made, it looked like someone had glued two surfboards together and tried to call it a bow. Bows have to be, y'know, functional? All weapons do? That's rather the point?

It sure as fuck isn't a bow. Someone has been playing Final Fantasy a little too much. Don't get me wrong, I've got a lot of hours in FF. I like it a lot. But one of my major complaints about it? Is the completely, utterly, ridiculous weapons. Someone is compensating. Not sure what exactly they're compensating for but it's for something. Sheesh.

I've always loved the somewhat realistic-ish weapons in the Dragon Age universe. I mean, yeah. Still heavy on fantasy... but they at least looked like they'd work. I loved Neve's reduced staff, that was awesome! Whatever Bellara is holding does not look like it would work.

So... I'm not an archer and if you are, do feel free to weigh in, but would that thing even work?

A bow is a precision instrument. Our species has had bows for a long damned time and their form hasn't really changed all that much. Because they, y'know, work the way they are, and don't if you change them too much?

You've got the curved wood/horn/other material with a string kind (I'm being deliberately simple in terminology, I do actually know what a bunch of bow types are called) and you have the cross bow type.

What we do not have is front heavy monstrosities like that thing. Okay, okay, she's a veil jumper. Maybe she got it from some ancient Arlathan temple or something. But the ancient Elvhenan were supposed to be technologically advanced. Not Final Fantasy obsessed gamers.

Oh, but what about Bianca, gods rest her beautifully crafted soul. They excused that as a one of a kind thing never to be replicated. It's handwavium, but fine, rule of cool works for her. It doesn't work for whatever Bellara is holding unless they come up with a damned good story reason for it. (And it had better be damned good 'cause that thing might be pretty, but it's just severely uneducated about weaponry, at best.)

Also, why couldn't it have been the less useful Bianca Solas blew to bits? (Can't stand the dwarf version in the slightest.)

Moving on.

The settings look interesting. The teams doing the backgrounds and settings have always blown it out of the park, so I imagine they'll be suitably gorgeous when we actually do see the game.

Though I had sorta expected Arlathan to look a little more... jungley forest like, rather than paved shopping mall. But whatever, I'm hopeful there'll be better parts of it later in the game.

Rook looks like they'll be fun to play. And I really hope we're not class locked as a rogue. Rogues are my usual choice but I'd still like to have the choice. (Edit. Reports say we have complete flexibility in our character creation. I just want to know if I can make a fat adventurer.)

The steampunky science-fantasy vibe. Enh. It's not my favourite. I feel it was a mistake to try to horseshoe the depicted kinds of science into the fantasy of Dragon Age that way. Because it really feels shoved in whether it fit or not.

And I write science-fantasy, so it's not like I don't love it. I adore it. It's just something that sort of has to be designed that way from the start. Which Dragon Age most certainly was not. Don't they ever get sick of retconning stuff? I sure get sick of seeing the retconned stuff.

I could see how Minrathous might use magic in a way that we use neon lighting. Or for any number of cool fantasy type magical uses. I just don't get why it had to look like a Star-Wars knock off. If I wanted to play Star Wars, I'd, y'know, play Star Wars?

I think they did capture the grunge and dirtiness and personality of an ancient city pretty well. Like it almost has a consciousness of its own. But as I've said many places, the settings artists are freaking amazing at what they do.

Although, if they have floaty spaceship like things why exactly are the Qunari even a worry? I don't have strong feelings one way or the other on the Qunari, but I know a lot of gamers were hoping to see a Tevinter/Qunari war. If Tevinter has space shippy things, what threat could the Qunari possibly be? Or even the teased Minrathous monsters?

Last I checked (which was a couple of days ago, re-reading those awful comics) the Qunari were still using bows, swords, spears, and knife type war implements. Some bombs, too, because gatlock. And enslaved, lyrium addicted mages.

Big floaty space-shippy thing means small floaty space-shippy things because that's how invention works. Where are the small ones? That thing is just a plot hole the size of Canada. (And a skilled developmental editor could've told them that before they put it in the sky. Sheesh.)

The fighting and conversation options look very similar to DA2. I liked the fighting in DA2 so after the usual adjustment to a new game it would probably be fine. Not sure how I feel about only having the ability to have two companions.

That art style though? I just cannot imagine having romantic scenes with characters done in that art style. And the Romances in Dragon Age are a large part of why I play them. Cartoon sexy times aren't my thing.

You do you, I'm not judging. But for me cartoony sexy times are just weird. Not sexy.

And no matter what they said after that disastrous character reveal the other day, the gameplay reveal doesn't look different enough for me to not call it cartoony. Especially for those Halloween decorations.

Now, I need to get to the end where we see some weird looking mage who I think is supposed to be Solas.

Really? That's supposed to be Solas?

This is the Solas my solavellan heart fell for so hard I've been simping over him for the entire time since I started playing these games.

Regardless. THIS is Solas.

Beautiful, nerdy, a little stylized, but with an art style that really worked for me (and probably most other solavellans given how much we love him).

So who in the living fuck is this?

I guess he's Solas shaped. But he doesn't make my heart squeeze in that OMG he's finally back!! way. He doesn't do anything for me. All I feel is numbness for that version of Solas. Which is disappointing as hell.

I didn't really have high hopes for him given his early looks for this game, but dang. Just dang. He's like a plastic ken doll. Very much like a too shiny plastic ken doll. And while I know Gareth David-Lloyd did the voice acting for him, he somehow doesn't even sound like Solas?

I've also been sadly informed by someone who would know that that is the absolute best they could do with him. We're not getting him fixed no matter how much we scream. He doesn't even have freckles! (And your eyes are fooling you if you think you're seeing them. Our brains often do that. Fill in things that should be there when they really aren't. There was some sort of design issue snafu which is why he doesn't have and cannot have freckles. This is confirmed insider information.) Freaking Lace Harding is peppered with them. Why can't my Solas have freckles?

Edit from Q&A (I think? It's second hand). Someone said they wanted to make everything look more 'painterly'.

Listen. I paint. Digitally and traditionally. You really have to work at it to get something that texture free. That's not 'painterly' its like... glossy modern playing cards. I hate it. Especially given the kind of fresco style paintings that Solas did in DAI. There is ALL sorts of texture with those.

Sigh. Maybe he'll grow on me. Like virulent mould. (Edit. He honestly hasn't. Every picture I see of him kills Dragon Age a little more for me. Which is bloody heartbreaking.)

IDEK man. I keep asking myself what Bioware was thinking. This game feels like it was made for a much different type of gamer than those of us who have loved the previous games for so very long.

It feels like they were trying to draw in a younger crowd while almost keeping the appeal that held us older gamers. That 'almost' is important there. (Edit. Confirmed by John Epler during live Q&A. This is exactly what they did. I feel incredibly betrayed.)

We older gamers are the ones who've kept hope for this game alive. Who have kept Dragon Age alive. The company made it, but without us hoping for it, talking about it, making mods for it, repeatedly replaying it? Would it ever have gotten there?

And we get Fortnite demons, Ken doll Solas, Halloween decoration 'darkspawn', and space shippy nonsense that kills about 50% of their foreshadowing.

I know I'm not the only older Dragon Age player feeling a little (lot) betrayed right now.

Based on these two trailers (and I'm absolutely praying I'm wrong) I think they failed project Dragon Age. Miserably.

I am pleased to learn that there are confirmed non-binary options for character creation and decent hair. So that's a plus. (Looks at the drops in the bottom of the almost empty bucket and sighs.)

I'd still like to play the game. I'd honestly LOVE to be wrong in my opinions on this. I'd really, really love to be wrong as much as I love Dragon Age.

But I'm sadly coming to an end of what I'll be able to write about Dragon Age, no matter how much I love it.

I will happily sit down to a meal of crow if I'm wrong. I want to be wrong, because I love Dragon Age.

Though, I'm pretty good at prediction. I have stereotypical autistic pattern matching, which is a lot of what prediction is.

My computer, which is literally duct taped together, isn't going to be able to handle DA4. It can barely run BG3 without overheating. As much as I love my computer, (and I really do, I get attached like a lot of AuDHD people do) it has broken or missing keys, and several of the more important keys just don't work. The screen is also starting to go.

I have lived and breathed the art and lore on these games since I started playing them. They're one of my most prominent AuDHD special interests. It's killing part of my soul to know I won't get to play it.

I'm a disabled, neurodivergent editor/author with a family to support. There's absolutely no extra for me to save up for a new rig. I'm ineligible for disability aid because I'm an immigrant. (Not that you can actually survive on disability here, anyway.) And I live in Canada, which is having a rather obscene cost of living crisis right now.

Even with my issues with the... er... everything, I still want to know what happens. I want to see it for myself.

Being an editor makes reading/tv fraught for me. If a piece of media makes me feel like I'm at work I can't really enjoy it. And 99% of books/shows do. (Don't become an editor if you love to read.)

Games tend to have fewer things to trip up my editorial brain. (Not this particular game, obviously 😂.)

That's all to say that gaming is basically my only form of accessible entertainment. I do it a lot in whatever spare time I have.

Even with my misgivings on the previews. I really would like to both play it and be utterly, completely wrong about it. I'd love to be able to keep writing about Dragon Age. But without being able to play the next one, all I can really do is rehash old stuff.

My work of words is my only income. And most writers really don't make all that much. Editors can, but I'm currently working a job that pays less than minimum wage doing editing. I'm under NDA, so I can't even tell people which huge corporation a lot of people use every day pays their editors so poorly.

But there isn't a whole lot of freelance work available since COVID.

Doing freelance work, I make between $50 and $70 an hour. Because editing is skilled, niche work. Experienced editing even more so.

That's why someone can be an amazing writer and a shit editor. You really do have to dedicate yourself if you're going to be good at editing anything. Most people don't put in the time or effort. I'm a better editor than I am a writer. (I'm not an awful writer, I just know where my strengths lie 😂.)

I suppose if Solas had... I dunno... talked to people and told them why he felt he needed to take down the veil it would've helped. But his arrogance always does get in the way. In the writing trade that's termed his fatal flaw.

My partner has a broken back from his last job so can't work (and they denied his disability because that makes complete sense) so we barely scrape together enough to pay the bills each month (and lately have been failing even on that).

I think Rook and company fucked up badly by interrupting Solas' ritual. Lolz, I rather hope Solas 'greatly disapproves' in Rook's head or something. That would be bleeding hilarious.

I think what Rook did at the end there is probably going to get Varric and a whole lot of other people killed.

Solas killing Bianca was awful, yes (and the merciful option, btw, Bianca can be fixed, Varric can't). But I think it's just the prequel. I don't think our beloved Varric is gonna be around long enough to miss her.

[notmyprey]

Pt 2 of this

I sit there crying for a while. I can feel Clair shaking inside my stomach. She's probably crying, too, but I can't hear her over my own sobs.

Soon, my tears devolve into sniffles, and I hear her muffled sniffling as well. I instincts rub my hand against the sheets on my bed, trying to find a way to calm myself down.

Soon, my heart settles, and I take a moment to try to understand what is happening. Clair is, somehow, inside my stomach, that I know for certain. I also know that she is smaller than me, decently smaller, but even then, she isn't small enough for me to swallow. It, by all means, does not make sense.

As I think about the situation at hand, another thought crosses my mind. Is this a dream? It can't be. Everything feels too real. But, even knowing that, I still find myself using a technique I read that helps differentiate dreams from reality.

I look at a poster, read the words, look away, and then look back to see if they change. Of course, they didn't change.

I sigh, I just can't wrap my head around anything right now. My brain feels foggy, probably from all the crying I was doing.

I hear and feel a small gurgle come from my stomach, forcing me to look down.

It is so strange. Little parts of my stomach jut out in weird ways, each bump seeming to move constantly. But the weirdest part is that Clair is right there. Right under my skin. If I just reach out with my hand, I will be able to feel her, not only inside me but also with my hand.

Without thinking, and without the panic and guilt I was feeling earlier, I put my hand on top of where Clairs head was under my skin.

My touch makes her squirm a bit, almost as if she is trying to move away from me. It is a sensation that I never thought I would feel. What was sickening only moments ago now feels like butterflies, not unlike the feeling you feel when near someone you care for, and with each touch, one flutters.

She shifts again, and I can help but smile. I now find that I am starting to feel better, almost happy, about the situation at hand. Yes, it feels strange still. But it's starting to be in less of a bad way. I am perfectly full, making me tired. The only person that I truly care for is here, right under my skin. Maybe I can let myself be happy about this. It's peaceful, and I couldn't be more grateful to have Clair so close.

That is until I hear her start to cry again, and I quickly discard any ounce of joy I have been getting from this. My heart breaks all over again, this time, though, from the fact I had decided to disregard her feelings so quickly. How could I be so mean? She obviously isn't enjoying this, and I shouldn't either.

I remove my hand, "I'm sorry." I wisper, a new guilt festering.

"Can you try again, p-please?" Clair said through tears.

I don't waste any time and quickly begin heaving, trying to force her into my throat. Again, nothing happens except for Clair being smashed even more than she is already.

I can't think of what to say. She doesn't want to be here. I can't just tell her that I can't get her out, I can't disappoint her like that. But I also can't just lie, get her hopes up, and break her all over again.

"Clair?" I bring my hand up, wanting to hold her even closer, but decide against it, and place my hand back down.

I hear another sniffle and a quick shove, followed by Clair moving around. Quickly though, she stops and asks in a defeated tone, "You can't get me out still, can you?"

"Im sorry. I-I promise I didn't mean to do this. I dont even know how you ended up..." I pause, staring down at my stomach, "in here..." I trail off, ashamed.

Clair stiffens, her only movement being her breathing. "You dont remember what you did? You dont remember going bat shit and scarfing me down?" She spat, her voice low and icy.

"No, I-I dont..."

"The fuck you dont." I feel a sharp pain, any it quickly registers that Clair had kicked me. "I dont- I dont understand why. I just- I'm supposed to be your friend, and I thought... I thought..." Slowly, her anger turns into sadness once more.

"Clair," I say, my voice breaking, "please. You have to believe me. I don't remember-"

I feel another sharp kick, this one aimed at my lungs, knocking the wind out of me. "I dont need to believe you." She asserts, hurt seeping into her voice.

"Clair, I can't get you out. Please, I promise I tried. I don't want you to be here. I didn't want this..." My tears drip down on top of my stomach with a gentle splatt, then drip downward.

"I just want out. I hate it... Please... Please.."