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aaureos · 24 days ago

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Checkmate - The grave of kindness

A Divergent rewrite

Summary: As a new dawn lights the city of Chicago, Marian Eaton is tasked to make the most important decision of her life, in what faction will she choose to belong? Can a broken and scared girl survive in a world where kindness is weakness and nobody is truly you friend? Marian is not sure, but staying in Abnegation is not an option.

Chapter 2 - Choice

Since my birth, everything around me has been grey: houses, clothing, furniture and, after a while, even people.

Life in Abnegation has always been this way, simple and repetitive, and that’s how it’s supposed to be, it’s the Abnegation way.

Ironically, my father, one of Abnegation’s leaders, never cared to follow the rules. He always makes sure to put on a good show in front of others but I know how he really is.

Me and my brother are the only ones to, but it doesn’t matter because in the end, he escaped, leaving me alone with him.

I’ll never forgive him for that.

I wake up before my alarm has time to go off and, still dazed and half asleep, I push away the grey sheets and stand up tentatively.

The sleepiness doesn’t seem to go away, it makes sense, as I spent most of the night turning and tossing in my bed, thinking about today's choosing ceremony.

Getting out of my room and into the hallway, I’m careful not to make any noise, as to not wake Marcus up.

I tiptoe down the stairs to the living room and go straight to the kitchen to make breakfast for the both of us.

Nothing fancy, the usual, just two bowls of plain milk and cereal and a mug of coffee for my father.

I don’t drink coffee, I find the taste revolting but my brother always loved it, he used to drink it all the time even if we weren’t allowed to because my father saw it as a form of self indulgence.

As I move around the kitchen, heavy steps inform me my father woke up from his slumber and I already know he’s in a bad mood.

When he reaches the table, pulling out a chair from underneath it, I flinch, almost spilling boiling coffee all over myself.

“Mornin’” he grunts, not even raising his head to look at me, and I’m quick to go back to making him his coffee “Good morning” I repeat, setting the table for breakfast.

I serve him quickly, worried he might get angry if I take too long, then put down my food and sit awkwardly across the table from him, mixing my cereals in silence.

In Abnegation, us children aren’t allowed to speak during meals unless directly questioned or spoken to.

I pray to myself this will be one of those days where he ignores me and we spend the whole meal staring at our food in silence.

Of course,it never is.

“You need to get ready for the choosing ceremony,” he mutters, staring at me through his mug, the coffee’s steam makes him look like his head is fuming, I nod “I won’t ask what faction you’re going to chose” his eyes pierce right through my soul “You’re staying here, with me” the mug collides harshly with the table and I jump so hard on my chair I almost fall backwards on the floor “Is that clear?”, his voice sounds like a bark, mine’s barely a whisper “Of course”.

The truth is, I’d love to stay in Abnegation but I just can’t, even if the test says I should. I just can’t, being here is slowly killing me and I don’t know how much longer I’ll last

Marcus nods, seemingly satisfied with my answer and in response, I shrink further in my seat.

My brother left Abnegation three years ago today, our father never told which faction he chose, maybe out of fear that I’d choose to follow him, but the beating I got that day sent me into Erudite’s care for a while and it’s something neither my mind or my body will ever forget.

To this day I’ve never seen him that angry.

I’ve never seen my brother since either.

After breakfast I go get dressed, I find my clothes neatly folded in my dresser, I don’t own that many so almost half of it is empty while the other is occupied by small grey piles of similar articles of clothing.

I stare at it for a second before grabbing the usual: Grey long skirt, grey midi skirt, grey sweater, grey jumpers, grey shirts and jackets…

Everything looks either the same or similar so it’s never hard to choose what to wear.

After washing myself and getting dressed, I find trying to tie up my hair today is more annoying than usual.

My hair’s way too long for abnegation’s standards, reaching almost my mid back but I don’t have anyone to cut it for me.

Mrs. Prior used to do that for me but since her daughter left, I’ve avoided doing such things as to not remind her of Beatrice’s absence.

I get out of the house earlier than I should, I don’t want to go to the ceremony with my father, so I take the bus right before his.

The Hub is further in the city centre than my school is and today, being a city event, the bus is particularly packed.

While the bus goes from stop to stop, from Candor to Erudite, I stand in a small crowd, barely keeping my balance and almost tipping over an Erudite woman a few times.

“You should be more attentive” she hisses, pushing up her glasses while the bus brakes hard and I’m once again shoved into her.

I apologise profusely while the doors open and I try to make my way out the bus “I am so sorry miss” I blurt out, stepping into the pavement, hurrying to not get crammed in the crowd waiting at the stop.

The Hub is a monumental building, standing at a hundred stories, it almost looks like a deity, judging us from above, ready to come down and destroy us at any minute.

Trying to zig zag through colourful dressed groups of people, I make my way towards The Hub’s square which somehow is even more crowded than the inside of the building.

Sometimes I forget how many people live in this city, every year we reunite for the choosing ceremony and each time, I’m shocked by the numbers of people that show up.

Each member of each faction is invited to assist the ceremony but not all choose to participate, some for choice, others for work reasons.

Most Abnegants prefer not to indulge in this, choosing instead to keep working or staying home to take care of their houses and their children.

The Erudites say it’s because our numbers are dropping each year and we’re ashamed to show ourselves to the other factions, but it’s not true.

My hands tremble as I walk through the big glass entrance,I look around, “I wonder why all these people are here” I say to myself “How many of them are like me? Are these their families or just people that are here for tradition?”.

The way to The Choosing hall is quite intricate, a labyrinth of halls and rooms leading to the stands.

Every faction has their own, most people haven’t sat down yet but it’s clear that the smaller one is reserved for Abnegation, while the bigger is Amity’s.

The “Choosers’” stands are mixed and we’re made to sit in alphabetical order, creating a weird mismatched rainbow of colours.

This year's Ceremony is hosted by Amity, it’s clear by the colourful decorations of the hall.

Drapes of flowers and green branches animate the room, new rugs have been put in place since last year, a golden hue accompanying each of my steps, the podium where the faction’s leader makes their speech is decorated with Orange tree branches, fruits hang from one of them while others are ornate by small white flowers.

When I reach the choosers stands an Amity man touches my shoulder lightly “Hello,What’s your name, sister?” I instinctively retract from his touch “Eaton, Marian Eaton” I answer, and he points me to my seat, which is higher than I expected.

From up here I can see most of the stands well, the room is almost full now, each faction has taken their place and Johanna, Amity’s leader is taking her place on the podium.

While I dry my sweaty hands on my skirt, a small figure makes her way towards me, eventually plopping down on the empty seat on my left, she looks calm, peaceful, sitting criss-crossed on the seat and humming something under her breath.

I look at her with the corner of my eye, careful not to seem intruding, she’s pretty, even for Abnegation’s standards, her long blonde locks almost reach her lap and her brown eyes seem to glow under the warm lights of the room.

On my right there’s an Abnegation boy, he sat down right before me and now he’s staring at his shoes.

I know him, Isaac Elliott, he lives a few houses down the street from mine, I never really talked to him but he still greeted me when I sat down.

The room is very noisy, but as Johanna raises her hand to call everyone’s attention to herself, trying to start her speech, everyone quiets down,-

When she starts reading the manifesto of the factions everyone listens attentively, looking at her.

Everyone but one, I feel a gaze burning through my skin and I turn to Abnegation’s stands, to find his eyes.

Marcus watches me intently, stoic for a second, then he smiles, I shrink back from his gaze, cringing, his smile is empty, void of any emotion or good intent.

For other people, a smile is a sign of joy, maybe kindness but for him, it’s a warning, one he only gives when we’re in public, it means “Don’t try me”.

It’s right when Johanna finishes her speech and starts calling out the names of the choosers that I make my choice, I’m not going back to Abnegation, I can’t, I won’t, it doesn’t matter what faction I’ll end up in, it just can’t be Abnegation.

I’ve dedicated all my life to that faction and I love everything it stands for but I can’t live like this forever, I can’t go on knowing about the willing ignorance of the members, the insincerity of the Council…

After a while, the Amity girl beside me is called to choose, her name is Daisy Drayton.

I watch her as she makes her way down the stairs with confidence, stopping only once he reaches the bowls.

They all have their own table and each contains the element of a faction.

Johanna hands her a knife, similar to the one in the simulation test, and she cuts her palm with it.

A small red line forms on her small hand and, expression unbudging, she goes over to the furthest bowl,putting her hand over it and watching the blood drip.

I watch the small frizzle of blood come out of the bowl. She chose Dauntless.

Suddenly a roar of claps and shouts fills the room, Dauntless members are cheering her on, inviting her to sit amongst them.

She smiles, heading to her new faction without even looking back towards her old one. I admire her decision, it must have been hard if she’s so sure about it.

After watching her sit down and being congratulated by the other members, I’m convinced I know what I should choose.

I just hope it’s the right thing to do.

After a bit, Johanna calls my name and I stand up, trying to seem as confident as the girl before me as I make my way down the stairs.

I don’t dare to look at my father, I know that if I did I’d falter so I look ahead, towards my future.

When I near the bowls, Johanna greets me with a smile, handing me the knife.

When I reach to take it from her, she hesitates, leaning towards me “This is your time,” she whispers “Make your choice”.

I nod, then look straight at the bowls, they’re all perfectly lined up in front of me, from the left are soil, water, glass, stones and hot coals.

Amity, Erudite, Candor, Abnegation and Dauntless.

Everyone is looking at me now, I feel their eyes on my back, I stare at the bowls, then the knife, then the bowls again.

I can feel my heart thumping, my chest feels like it’s going to explode, I want to scream, run away and not choose but I still go on.

My hands tremble as I slice my palm open, the blood feels almost too hot now.

I straighten my arm over my faction’s bowl, waiting for the blood to drip, an abnegation staying in their faction, nothing new.

My gaze fixates on the bowl, I can hear its call, the grey rocks are the lure, trying to convince me to stay.

The rocks, they’re simple, small, modest and… Insignificant.

Do I really want to be this for the rest of my life? A grey spot in a world of colour, living like an ant, always forgetting myself for the greater good?

My arm jerks over the bowl on my right just before my blood spills on the rocks.

I hear the sizzling of the hot coals before I realize what I’ve done, an eerie smell fills my head and suddenly, it feels like I’m deaf.

The whole Dauntless stand is shouting and clapping for me, they’re cheering me on, calling for me to join them.

I’m paralyzed, my legs feel like wood and I just stare blankly at them for a few moments.

Dazed, my thoughts run to my brother, his choice and how I’ll never see him again.

When I finally walk towards the transfers’s stands I’m met by big pearly smiles and handshakes. I try not to falter, being as polite as I can.

When I sit, taking a breath of relief, a small voice surprises me “I’m Daisy Drayton” I turn to meet the warm eyes of the Amity girl from before, her hand extending to take mine.

I oblige and she leans over to place a kiss on my cheek, I instantly blush and she laughs.

It's Amity's form of greeting, I think to myself, I always forget about it even though I’ve been to Amity many times before.

Her handshake is firm, mine is quite the opposite “I’m Marian” I answer, trying to put on a smile, us Abnegants don’t do it often.

After that, we stay put, patiently waiting for the ceremony to end, watching as the remaining choosers make the decision that will shape them forever.

Some of them choose Dauntless, but most, opt for either Erudite or Amity.

When the last girl is called I realize that only two Abnegants transferred to this faction, as almost all of them stayed with their families, it’s me and another boy.

The last girl chooses Amity and, after cleaning the knife, Johanna starts her closing monologue.

I barely pay attention to it, instead I look around the room for a bit, then I focus my gaze on the Priors.

I don’t know why they’re here, both their children abandoned them just last year, It doesn’t make any sense…

Then Mrs Prior smiles at me, hers is a sincere smile, warm, exactly what I imagine a mother’s smile would be.

Her smile doesn't hide any second meaning, it’s simply reassuring.

When Johanna finally finishes her speech, the factions members start to disperse and the Hub slowly empties.

Not knowing what to do, I stand when the other Dauntless do and follow them out the room.

They’re running, I’m not sure why, but I follow them down the stairs and out the building.

My clothes make it difficult for me to keep the pace, but the other transfers also seem to be having a hard time so I don’t beat myself up too much for it.

I feel free, running carelessly, with no apparent destination, alongside my fellow transfers and the dauntless.

We’re like a flock of birds, flying together in the sky. I don’t know anybody here, but I don’t feel alone, for once.

It’s as if we’re one big entity, each of us is a bone in the skeleton of a much bigger creature.

For the first time in forever, I feel alive.

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aaureos · 1 month ago

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Checkmate - The grave of kindness

A Divergent rewrite

Chapter 1 - Grey

I run as fast as I can through the garbage filled hallways of Abnegation, long skirt hindering my strides, but the men keep following me.

They’re relentless, I don’t even know what I did wrong, but here I am, being chased like a cat by a pack of dogs.

Stumbling into a big pile of debris I almost fall to my knees but the sound of their steps getting closer keeps me running.

I turn left, then right, then left again through the alleys but their voices keep getting louder and louder with each of my steps.

In an effort to slow them down I climb over the short wall that separates the Abnegation district from the abandoned factories of southside Chicago. I’ve done it before with the help of my brother, but alone is much more difficult.

Barely landing on my feet, hands scraped and breath cut short, I keep moving, rushing through the factionless and their camps until I’m faced with a grey wall.

A deadend, I look around to find an escape but I’m only met by even taller buildings, damn me.

The men are now behind me and I don’t have the courage to turn around. They’re five, I counted them before, my chances of making it out are close to none. I couldn't win against one, let alone five of them.

I can hear their heavy breath, I don’t want to face them, I tell myself I don’t have to, maybe if I ignore them they'll leave me alone…

“Now, now lil’ lady” a heavy hand lays on my shoulder and forces me around, his grip is firm enough to hold me steady but not enough to hurt me, for now at least.

My eyes dart from his scrawny face to the pavement, “he’s one of the new ones” I tell myself, “Abnegation’s factionless don’t behave like this”.

His words bring me back to reality “You got something for us?”, I shake my head, body trembling under his touch, “No-nothing… I” I steady my breath “I gave everything away, I swear” He huffs and I flinch in response “I’m sure ya’ still got something for us…” his hand travels to the hem of my sweater “Maybe some sugar”.

I trash from his grip and back away until my back hits the wall, the men keep coming towards me and the one from before lowers himself to my height.

I should’ve listened to Mrs. Prior, I tell myself, the alleys aren't a place for a girl to be roaming on her own.

Why didn’t I listen? Why couldn’t I just stay home? I know the answer but I still question myself.

The other men look at me, their eyes dark as dogs’s, I whine “Please let me…” “Look, we really are in need,” his hand finds the hem of my long cotton skirt, I wince, avoiding his gaze and holding my breath “I’m sure ya’ can help us out”.

My pleas fall on deaf ears as the other men close in on me, their figure for a second seems to cover all light coming from the sun. Darkness surrounds me and for a second I believe I would’ve been better off staying home.

One of them grabs my arm, anothes places a gloved hand on my cheek, I close my eyes and start praying, pleading to God to make it quick.

Suddenly, three loud shots break the excruciating silence in the alley and I find myself being thrust to the ground.

My head hits the pavement and something cuts my ankle but I don’t care, I thrash and break away from their grip, the men are barking and hissing, I can’t seem to understand what they’re saying but it feels like watching a dog fight.

A single raven dressed figure makes his way towards us, gun raised, another shot fills the air and I scream as something pierces my skin.

My eyes suddenly shoot open and my hands grip painfully hard the grey bed sheets, I suppress a shriek.

I look around, scared they might still be lurking in the dark but my bedroom is empty and both the window and the door are still locked.

The room is silent and only a few specks of light make their way from the window, making shapes on the wall.

It’s cold, almost too cold for it to be only September. I shiver, hugging the sheets as I think about the dream from earlier.

It happened almost three years ago, just a few months after my brother’s choosing ceremony. At the time I hadn’t found another companion for my daily duties, that's why I was alone.

Those men would’ve had their way, if that Dauntless patrol hadn’t been around… I shake my head trying to eliminate those thoughts.

It didn’t happen and I don’t want to think about it.

Now calmer, I look at the small grey calendar that hangs on the bare wall. I sigh reading the date.

Today all of Chicago’s sixteen year olds will take the aptitude test which will tell us what faction we belong to.

My gaze shifts to the old alarm clock on my bedside table, the clockhands tell me it’s 6:00 am. I take it in my hands for a moment, the glass screen is broken, making it barely readable and its legs are wobbly but it still works nonetheless.

The alarm gets put back in place after another second of scrutinising and I swing my legs off the bed.

“I don’t need a test” I tell myself while I make the bed “I already know where I belong”, I fluff up the old pillow “Doesn’t mean I like”.

Getting ready for the day doesn’t take much time, people in Abnegation aren’t permitted to own a mirror, as to no sin of vain so I’m rather quick to wash and dress myself.

All the clothes I own, which aren’t many, are also grey and very large on me so I’m not preoccupied with my looks all that much.

As my faction teaches, we must devote ourselves to help others and serve the Lord so as to not lose ourselves in the temptation of the devil.

Tying up my hair is the hardest part, “it’s getting way too long” I murmur while brushing my dark waves and putting them up in a simple bun.

After getting dressed and tidying up my room, I silently make my way downstairs careful not to make a sound.

When I enter the living room the smell of booze fills my nostrils and I sneeze.

Marcus’s body lays unconscious on the couch in some weird uncomfortable pose, arm still holding onto beer on the coffee table.

He looks dead but even by just looking at him I know he’s deep into a drunken sleep, saliva wets his cheeks and by the smell of him, he’s lying on some dried vomit.

The kitchen is a mess, “he must’ve drank himself to sleep yesterday” I think to myself as I reach to pick up a chair and the remains of what used to be a plate and a glass.

Afterwards I sweep and mop the floors, do the dishes and get breakfast ready for Marcus.

Cleaning is a task that I enjoy very much, always been, I find it relaxing, almost soothing. It also reminds me very much of when me and my brother used to share our chores.

It takes me a while to actually finish tidying up the house but I manage to make it out just in time.

The bus stop is three houses up the road from mine and, while I hurry my way there I pass The Prior's house “This must be a sad day for them” I think to myself, putting my cold hands in my skirt’s pockets.

Both of the Prior children left the faction just last year. I never got to know them but I’d sometimes go to their house with Marcus as Mr. Prior is a member of the Council.

Just like them, Their house was much more pleasant and welcoming than ours, my brother never wanted to come along to those dinners, but Mrs. Prior was a great cook and seemed like a lovely mum. “I wonder if they ever came to visit” I mutter to myself thinking about my brother.

I manage to arrive at the stop just in time and, although it’s very crowded, I make my way inside. I can’t afford to be late, not today.

Only a few of us Abnegants own cars, if we do they’re usually old or kind of beat up, the rest of us use public transportation.

Most of the people in the bus are dressed in grey plain clothing. Some, like me, are alumni while others are normal workers, just like the driver.

It takes me almost a quarter of an hour to get to school and by the time we reach the stop, the bus is half empty and half filled by people dressed in bright blue clothing.

They’re glares almost pierce my skin, Erudites don’t like us Abnegants, the hatred is mostly reciprocated, though most Abnegants would deny it if asked.

I scurry off the bus, almost tripping on my skirt, and make my way towards the school’s cafeteria.

The building is much bigger than it actually needs to be, and now, with everyone in the cafeteria, the halls seem almost monumental.

When I reach the waiting room I’m met by five distinct groups and I’m quick to join my fellow Abnegants at the far end of the room.

Almost a quarter of the room is filled by the Dauntless, they sit on the opposite end to our, shouting and jumping around. I follow them with my eyes for a bit before the girl beside me slaps my hand. I look down, I shouldn’t be distracted that easily.

Beside our tables, the amity have abandoned their seats, choosing to sit criss crossed on the floor instead. They're playing some sort of game I don’t recognize while a few of them jam along with a small guitar.

They call an Abnegation girl by the surname Ellis and suddenly a void forms in my stomach and my chair seems unstable. “What kind of test is it”, I ask myself, nobody ever talks about it so I always thought it was some kind of secret adults keep from their young.

The other people at the table seem placid, tranquil and absorbed in their thoughts, some of them pray.

“Are there any wrong answers?” I wonder,”Can I fail the test?” I dry my sweaty palms on my skirt, some hair slips from my bun and rests on my forehead.

I stare at the door, it’s nothing unusual, I don’t know why it catches my attention, it’s white while the handle is small and metallic.

My gaze focuses on the handle, then, after what feels like an eternity, it shifts and the door finally opens.

The girl shuffles out the room, a Dauntless man with teal hair follows, he calls my name and I shoot up.

I do it too suddenly, now the whole table is watching me, I keep staring at the door, and without saying a word I make my way inside.

The man comes in after me, closing the door, then he sits on a desk chair in front of a computer.

He lets out a sigh of boredom, “I’m Sebastian and today I’ll administer your aptitude test” he types something on the computer, then gestures to me to lay on the medical bed beside him.

I oblige and after I sit, he turns to me, now that I see him up close he doesn’t seem all that menacing like the other dauntless.

He smiles, I notice his teeth are strikingly white and his lower lip is pierced, “In dauntless he must be considered quite attractive” I think to myself as he adjusts his chair to be the right height.

He hands me a few sticky patches “I have to place these on your forehead,” He says, standing above me “It’ll look quite silly” he chuckles, I don’t answer.

Afterwards he takes out a needle filled with some weirdly iridescent colourless liquid “This,” he starts while disinfecting my arm “Is the test, don’t worry it doesn’t hurt”.

He sits again, moves my arm towards him, then looks at me tentatively, I nod instinctively and he pushes the needle straight into my arm.

“It does sting like a bitch though" he murmurs, then adds “Be brave”.

I barely hear him as a weird feeling fills my body, I’m suddenly light as air, my mind's empty, and for a second, I don’t hear anything.

When I wake up I’m standing in a bare room, in front of me are two small tables with a single plate on top of each.

To my right, the plate holds a wedge of cheese, to my left, a knife.

A voice coming from the ceiling shakes me shouting “CHOOSE” repeatedly until I stumble forward, lacing my fingers around the knife’s handle “this might be useful” I think to myself while eyeing the cheese.

The tables suddenly disappear and I’m left with just the knife in my hand, it feels much heavier now.

As I look around the empty room a dog comes out of nowhere, it’s big, way bigger than any dog I’ve ever seen, it growls and every barks it lets out shakes the whole room.

Its dark coat shines under the dim light, mouth full of white foam, I back away trying to seem as small as possible.

The dog growls again, then lounges at me, pearly teeth showing.

I find myself unable to move, my legs are wobbly, and I’m shaking but my feet are nailed to the ground.

My brother once told me that dogs only attack you if they see you as a threat and for a second I wonder if he was wrong but then the dog reaches me and plops down on its back, belly up and tail wagging.

The knife in my hand now seems useless and awfully heavy, its handle is too big for my hand and I don’t like having it on me, it feels unnatural.

My first instinct is to bend down to pet it and when I do, I find its fur soft and fluffy, it looks at me, eyes filled with love and peacefulness and mouth now clean from the white foam. As I’m on the floor, petting the dog, a tiny little girl suddenly appears out of nowhere.

She seems almost disoriented, dressed in all grey clothes that don’t fit her quite right, we look alike. I stand, ready to help her, but before I can say anything she shouts “Puppy” in a sweet sing-songy voice.

It happens in a split moment, the dog is lunging towards her before I can even react.

Instantly dropping the knife, I throw myself towards the dog, sprinting in an effort to put myself between it and the little girl.

I barely reach it and, as I put myself between the two, I find myself on the floor. For a second I don’t feel anything, not the bite of the dog, not the screams of the little girl, then everything goes black.

When I wake up I’m in an old busy bus, similar to the one I take everuìyday to school.

I’m sitting beside an old man, burn scars cover most of his face and they seem to continue down his collar.

I don’t stare, my brother always told me it was rude to ogle people.

He’s reading a newspaper intently, shooting me looks of pure disgust every now and then.

Suddenly he lets out an animalistic growl and throws me the paper “Do you know him?” he shouts, and I shoot up from my seat, backing away from him.

“Who?” I ask, holding on the newspaper, he points at it aggressively so I take a look at it. Almost the whole first page is occupied by a man’s picture, he seems eerily familiar but something in my gut tells me I should lie to the man.

“No,” I say, trying to reach the doors of the bus “I’ve never seen him in my entire life”.

The man grabs my wrist, dragging me forward “You’re lying!” he shouts, he’s spitting now “If you told me,” He stumbles forwards pleading “You could save me!”.

Pity fills my heart “Ok” I admit, sighing “I might know him, but-”

Suddenly I’m thrust backwards towards the bus’s windshield, I scream crashing in it hard, then everything goes back to black.

I’m back to being light and empty, it feels like I’m flying, then I’m back to normal, plummeting down to the floor.

I wake up back in the testing room, disoriented and nauseous, my eyes feel crossed, my limbs wobbly and my brain is in scrambles.

After a few minutes, as I come back to reality completely, I find Sebastian immersed in the computer’s screen looking distracted.

“How did I do?” I ask, tentatively, trying not to sound too sick.

He turns to me smiling “Oh, it went as expected;” his voice suddenly sounds flat “You’re an Abnegant” he says, going back to the computer.

I shiver, ‘Abnegant’, I already knew that would’ve been the result but hearing it said out loud feels like a punch in the stomach.

Am I just destined to be what I’ve always been? Is my life going to be the same shade of grey forever? I turn back to Sebastian, expecting to be dismissed soon.

“Is everything alright?” I mutter “A curious Abnegant? That’s a new one” He laughs and my eyes widen a bit.

“It’s fine, really” he waves a hand towards me “I just have to write down your results manually, it’ll take a moment” I nod, but he seems to spot my uneasiness.

“Eager to go back to your family?” he asks and I shake my head, maybe too vehemently “Just worried about tomorrow”, he shrugs “Don’t think about it too hard, it’ll be okay”.

It takes him just a few minutes to write the report down, then he sends me away with a pearly smile and a hand wave.

“In abnegation his behaviour would be considered obnoxious”, I think to myself as I make my way out the building “but I don’t mind.” The bus ride home is quiet, most of the seats are empty but I still choose to stand.

Looking at the window I lose myself in the scenery, Erudite’s buildings seem to shine under the late afternoon’s sun and people still crowd the streets. The bus takes a longer route, going through Candor, to avoid passing through the Factioness district.

It hasn’t been doing this for long, Abnegation didn’t mind but it wasn’t the Council’s decision to deroute the bus, the other factions simply deemed it safer this way.

The Council didn’t approve of this but, even if I never said it out loud, I much prefer it this way, I don’t mind getting home later in exchange for a safer ride.

I get off the bus with a few other people, we all salute politely with a head nod and I make my way home.

The Prior’s home has all its windows closed and the lights seem switched off.

For a second I hesitate, thinking about what they might be doing now, “maybe they’re grieving their children?” I ask myself “I wonder if Marcus would grieve for me”.

“it’s a stupid question”, I murmur, shrugging, then hurry back to my house.

The lights are on, that means Marcus is awake.

The key slides in easily and the door opens with a small creaking noise.

When I step inside I’m met by Marcus’s dark stare from the other end of the living room.

“Good afternoon” I say, avoiding to look at him while I slide off my old boots, he stands there, unmoving.

“Why did it take you so long?” he stumbles towards me but I know better than to move away “The bus got de-routed, it goes through Candor now” “Bullshit,” his voice echoes in my ear, “I swear-” “You were out with some guy weren’t you,”, Now I back away.

My shoulder hit the now closed door, his face inching closer every second “You were out there with some factionless boy, you whore!” his breath smells terribly of booze, he’s drunk.

I try to wiggle away from him but his hands grab hardly at my arms. “You are to stay here, with me,” His spit wets my face “ is that clear Evelynn?” My name's not Evelynn, but I nod “I’m sorry”. My apologies seem to be enough for him, for now, so I hang up my coat and disappear in the kitchen, hoping he’ll be passed out again by the time I finish cooking.

Dinner’s easy to prepare, it takes me half an hour to make something and just under five minutes to set the table.

When I’m done setting down the dishes I call out for Marcus, who drunkenly stumbles down the stairs.

Before I sit down, I make his plate and fill up his glass, waiting for him to throw himself on the chair.

When he does, I take my place and fill my own plate. It’s nothing special, really, butter pasta, chicken and some boiled greens on the side.

“Sooo” Marcus gestures with his fork, mouth open while chewing “the test, how did it go”.

I gulp down quickly a bite of my pasta “Abnegation” I whisper, almost like I’m confessing a crime.

He laughs mockingly “Then I don’t have to worry about tomorrow,” he puts his other hand on the table, suddenly serious “Do I?”, I nod “Of course”.

The rest of the meal is quiet, when he finishes eating I do the dishes then I go upstairs.

My room is the last one of the corridor and right in front of it, it’s my brother’s.

We should’ve moved into a smaller home years ago, that room has been empty for the last three years but Marcus always found an excuse to tell the Council to let us stay here.

I hesitate, “Where is he? I ask myself “Is he even still alive?” for all I know he could have been eìdead for the last three years.

Tears fog my vision at the tough so I take refuge in my room, locking it behind me.

I sit on my bed, looking at the grey walls that surround me, I can’t stay here forever but, where could I go? This is all I’ve ever known. I stay there, unmoving for a while, pondering about my future, something I’d never indulged in before.

It feels unnatural for me to be considering leaving my home, my faction, but I do.

I imagine myself living among the Erudites studying all day, then with Candor, becoming some sort of lawyer or maybe singing along with the Amity while picking fruit. I could become a Dauntless, fighting bravely for our city, or I could remain here, doing what I’ve always done, forever.

Something tells me I won’t be sleeping tonight.

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