#triple h is on my shit list

[bloodlinesgirly]

Our eyes only-Jey Uso

i lied you’re getting sex tape with jey. the fic from the poll is still happening!

Warnings:

18+ (i am not responsible for your media consumption)

sex tape, hair pulling, bodily functions

word count: 817

“nuh uh baby, keep them eyes open” jeys fingers were splitting you open. The noises coming from your pussy were enough to have him cumming right there, his deep groans filled your ears as you forced your eyes open. you could see the look on his face, focused and determined to keep this rolling for as long as possible. “look at yourself mama.” jey flashed his grills to the camera before using his unoccupied hand to grip your chin, keeping your face centered in frame. you moaned loudly as you watched him behind you, fingers plunging in and out of your tight hole. you couldn’t close your legs if you tried. his calves were wrapped around yours, spreading you wide for the camera. jeys lips attached to your neck, sucking right below your earlobe. “jey i can’t.” tears of pleasure rolled down your cheeks, bruises now littered your skin from his mouth. “this ain’t nothin, you still gotta take this dick.” he growled. you could feel him pressed hard against your back, his dick throbbed against your bare skin.

“m’gonna cum.” you whimpered. your eyes fought to stay open. you knew if you stopped watching he would stop too. “yeah? cmon baby cum for the camera, make that shit messy.” he spoke into your ear, thrusting his fingers deeper making his palm bump your clit. “oh fuck daddy-“ you started to say before the air was ripped from your chest. your pussy clamped down on jeys fingers as you came, your essence gushing down his wrist in spurts. “that’s my good fuckin’ girl huh? yeah baby keep cummin” somewhere in the mix your hand had made its way to the back of his head, pulling his face closer to yours. the camera captured everything perfectly. the way his hand kept you looking forward, the saliva pooling at the corners of your mouth, and his fingers coated with you as he pulled them out.

jey reached for the phone making sure to zoom in on your pussy before bringing it to your face. he kissed you hard, his tongue pressed into your mouth sloppily. the camera caught the way you struggled to kiss back, your whimpers and gasps flowing into his mouth beautifully. “need you in me” you whispered onto his lips. immediately he shifted himself, forcing you forward face down. “arch for me baby, ass up.” he angled the camera down, showing off his thick cock as he stroked it a few times.

“pretty ass pussy. all for me hm?” he ran the tip of his dick through your folds, coating it with your cum. “answer me mama” he laid a slap on your ass before squeezing it for the camera. “yes daddy.” you moaned at the slap. sick of his teasing you push your ass back, hoping to entice him to speed things up. making sure the camera was adjusted perfectly, he thrusted into you. “fuck baby, always so tight for me” he moaned as your walls stretched to accommodate him. he gave you a minute to adjust before rolling his hips. your pussy squelched with each thrust, coating the base of his cock with a white ring. “harder.” you breathed out. Jey took that as a challenge.

Placing one leg up, he quickened his thrust, his pink tip abusing your gspot. “fuck jey… ssso good.” it took everything in you not to run, each thrust sent a jerk throughout your body. jeys hand not holding the camera wrapped around your hair, pulling your neck back. your face was now fully visible on camera along with the view of your greedy pussy sucking him in. deciding to put on a show for his video, you thrust your hips back, meeting his own. “shit- yeah fuck me back.” jey growls. he leans back and slows his thrust, forcing you to fuck yourself on his dick. “mhm…put in the work baby, make me cum” his hand slides down your back and settles on your ass to guide you. the sounds of your bodies clashing along with the smell of sex filling the room is intoxicating. “fuck i’m gon’ nut all up in this pussy.”

“give it to me baby” you moan.

Jeys groans become feverish as he thrust you back on his cock, making sure to bury himself to the hilt. heat washes over you as you feel his dick throb, filling you with his cum. He pulled out with a hiss, angling the camera to get a shot of the mixture of his and your cum dripping onto the sheets. with one last squeeze to your ass he clicked the button on his phone to end the video. “you did so good mama, so fuckin’ pretty on camera.” he placed a kiss to your cheek causing you to blush and hide your face. “don’t get all shy now, you know this is for our eyes only.”

[becauseimswagman1]

Tama freader smut??

Tama Tonga x reader (pt. 1)

A/N: Hehehe first wwe request!! and ask to be on the tag list because this will be in two parts. No smut in this part, I got too invested in the plot.

Warnings: Shit talking.

------------------------------

Being new to the Smackdown roster wasn’t that big of a change since you’ve been on it before… as a manager for some D-list mid-wrestler who’s no longer on the company. 

When that dipshit left, you were unsure of your future with the company. The former CEO of WWE had assured you that you’d issued another superstar to manage, but that’s not what you wanted. You wanted to wrestle, but he never thought you had the “right image” (whatever that is). 

Before you could plead your case, he was booted from the company and Triple H took over. 

Once he took over, he had visions for everybody, including you. He had a meeting with you and asked if you wanted to wrestle full-time. He was the reason the former CEO signed you, but his power didn’t go beyond that. Since you never stopped training, he suggested that you go to NXT to rebrand and create a new name for yourself. To be known as more than a manager. You never signed a contract faster! Wrestling is your passion!

For three years, you worked your ass off in NXT, then got called back up to the main roster. It felt good to be back. You were ready to face anyone. Although, for six months the boss man had you facing mid-card wrestlers and you were winning. A couple of losses here and there, but winning nonetheless. 

You loved it, sure, but you wanted more. You wanted a title shot! So, you scheduled a meeting. 

It went great for the most part. You didn’t have a title shot, but something interesting happened. You are being added to the Bloodline… Solo’s Bloodline. Personally, your Tribal Chief is Roman Reigns, but a job is a job. Bossman said the fans would “eat you up” being a voice of reason and shit-talking them at the same time. He thinks you’ll be a great fit. 

—----------------------------------------------

Going up to the three intimidating men was kind of nerve-wracking, You say three cause you already know Solo from NXT and he was actually a chill guy. People just got under his skin easily.

You walk into the gym they worked out at, lowkey looking a little lost. Tanga Loa approached you first, curious about who you are, “Wassup, are you the new edition to the Bloodline?”

“Yeah, I’m- “ 

“We know who you are. Solo talked you up big.” Tama Tonga walked up, interrupting you, “Personally, I don’t get it, but we’ll see how you do.”

“Tama, don’t be so rude,” Solo said, joining Tama and Tanga.

You smirked and shook your head, “Nah. it’s cool. I know to earn my place here and… “ you turned to Tama, “I know I’ll put you on your ass real easy so don’t be so quick to talk all that shit.”

Solo full belly laughed, “Glad you haven’t lost that attitude. You’ll fit right in.”

You adjusted your gym bag on your shoulder, “So, uh, where’s Jacob?”

“Handling business.” and he left it at that. You knew not to ask questions about that stuff. 

“Follow me,” Solo walked to the mats in the gym, “We’re gonna run a few drills to see if you can keep up with us.”

—-------------------------------------

Three hours later, you were exhausted, but you were not letting Tama know that. 

You two started a little competition. You were whooping his ass and he was VERY pissed about it. 

“Come on Tama~ don’t be sad you getting that ass beat by a girl!” 

Tama stomped around, he didn’t like that you were talking shit. You had a counter for almost every last one of his moves. He rarely got the drop on you. But when he finally did, boyyyyy did he live it up!

“Hahahaha! That’s what you get tryna play with the big dogs! Just stick to being a manager and stop tryna hang with the professionals.”

The professionals? Okay.

You got back up from the mat, “Okay, let’s have a real match then.”

Tama just stared at you… with lust?

“Yeah. A real fucking match then we’ll really see who the big dog is.”

Tama and Tanga looked to Solo, eager for a response. 

He shrugged, “Tanga, you’ll be the ref. Let’s get it.”

—-----------------------------------

After a shit ton of cheap shots on Tama’s side, you won. And of course, Tanga and Solo overlooked those, but you beat him. 

Solo chuckled, “You gotta hand it to her Tama, she handled yo ass. Give her the props she rightfully earned.”

You held your hand out to him to shake, but he smacked it away, then rolled his eyes, “I ain’t giving her shit.”

“Don’t be like that Tama. I just wanted some friendly competition and that’s what I got.”

The big baby just walked, more like stormed, all the way out of the gym. 

“Did I hurt his feelings?” you asked Solo.

He shook his head, “Nah, he just a little shocked somebody bested him. He’ll get over it soon.” then he walked over to you and held his hand out for you to shake, “Welcome to the Bloodline.”

You shook his hand, “Thank you.”

“No, thank you. You’ll certainly be the wildcard next to Jacob.”

You dropped his hand and grabbed your water bottle, “I appreciate that, seriously.”

“Take a break while Tanga and I go check on him.”

“You got it, Solo.”

He raised his eyebrow at you. Oh… “My bad. You got it, Tribal Chief.”

---------------------------------

(Part 2 here)

Tag list: @itsbackwoodsbby @luvrsluxe @femdisa @ayeeeitsmiracle @sharmelasworld @papithetia @mzv11

[wildemaven]

supply & demand

Pairing: Benny Miller x F!Reader

WC: 1785

Warnings: 18+ Blog; mentions of alcohol and consumption of alcohol (casual drinking), slight anxiety around crowds, other wise just some language and fluff

A/N: okay listen, Benny is… well, Benny. And the man occasionally infiltrates my thoughts— and he’s been doing it a lot lately. I decided to let him have the spotlight for second. Honestly, it was either Benny and a single mom or this— this won. And I don’t even know what it is entirely lol This isn’t beta’d, so all mistakes are my own. The title is based if this song.

Wild Love Masterlist

Crowds have never been your thing. Too many people crammed into a specific area, leaving little to no space to move around freely. 

Same goes for lines, like the one you’re standing in now— well, less a line and more a mob of people waiting to buy their food and drinks before the show starts. 

It’s a warm Saturday evening, the slightest hint of a breeze keeps the air cool against your skin as you continue to wait as you inch your way closer and closer to the front of the line, hoping you’re able to get back before the concert starts. 

The local amphitheater, a boutique-style outdoor venue with a mixture of lawn space and chairs surrounding the stage, was hosting your favorite band for the night. Their summer tour listed a stop in your city, which was the perfect excuse to get tickets and enjoy an evening with your friends. 

“You come here often?” You can’t be sure the question is being directed to you, but it grabs your attention and you look to your right in the direction the smoky voice came from. 

You’re met with the bluest eyes already focused on you, his smile beaming brightly as he waits for a response— oh! He is talking to you!

“Do I come here often? I could be wrong, but that definitely sounds like a cheesy pickup line.” You can’t help but match his smile, catching on to what his question implied. 

“You got me. I’m Ben— my friends call me Benny. But you can call me whatever you want.” His hand raises in your direction as he introduces himself. 

“Hi, Ben.” Un-tucking your arms, then wrapping your hand around his, the grip is firm and doesn’t last nearly as long as you’d like it to. 

His gaze is almost too intense, especially in such close proximity. You look away briefly to collect yourself, the nervous energy buzzing through you is paralyzing in the best possible way. It’s no shock to see him already watching you when you gather enough courage to let yourself look back at him.  

“Do you have a name, too?” He asks, leaning over to make sure you can hear him properly over the growing crowd of people. 

“I do.” You give it to him, and cringe internally at your inability to converse properly with this gorgeous man. 

“That’s a beautiful name for a very beautiful woman.” 

The compliment makes you feel instantly warm, shuffling along together as the line shifts forward again. 

“Ya know— it would sound really good with my last name.” He suggests boldly. 

“Oh wow! Cute, charming and confident— triple threat!” You both burst out laughing, his shoulder knocking into yours. 

“Next!” The cashier calls out to you. 

“That’s me. It was nice talking to you Ben.” You give him your best smile and a small wave, he reciprocates with a two finger wave before you turn and make your way up to the booth to order. 

“I’ll get two beers please.” You ask. 

“That’s $16.” She says, placing in front of you two clear plastic cups filled with pale amber liquid and white foamy head nearly spilling over the top. 

“Thank you.” Reaching into the back pocket of your cut off shorts you’re met with nothing, your hands frantically patting your remaining pockets— nothing. 

“Shit! I left my money in my purse— can I go grab it real quick?” You ask, hoping she’ll be understanding— although her stressed out appearance says she’ll be anything but understanding. 

“Next!” The cashier grabs the two cups and slides them off to the side.

“Here— it’s on me!” A newly familiar hand drops a $20 on the counter, then grabs the two cups and holds them out to you, you gladly accept them. “Keep the change ma’am and have a great night!” 

The cashier rolls her eyes and takes the bill to be added to her money drawer. 

“Thank you, Ben— you didn’t have to do that.” Holding your beers out in front of you as you make your way back through the crowd in the direction of your friends. 

“‘Course I did. Can’t leave a damsel in distress and beerless.” His large hand settles on the small of your back, his touch electric and thrilling. 

“Wait! You didn’t get yourself anything?” You stop and turn to him, a grin slowly rising on his pretty face. 

“That was my last $20. They charge too much to use a card, with the fees they tack on just to swipe, you’ll be broke before the night is over. Don’t worry ‘bout it, I’ll go bum a beer off one of my buddies, they’re good for it.” 

“Here, take one of mine then.” Shoving one of the beers into one of his empty hands. 

“No, I can’t— honestly, I’m fine.” Refusing to accept the offer, placing the beer back into your hand. “How ‘bout instead of a beer, you give me something else?” 

“Ben— don’t you think that’s a little presumptuous to assume I would put out for a beer?” You tilt your head and smile—  not really opposed to the idea though. 

He pulls out his phone and starts typing at the screen, chuckling at your remark. 

“I was going to ask you for your number— but if you’re offering?” He holds his phone out to you, grabbing one of your beers so you can type in your number. 

“Love Of My Life? I think you’re getting ahead of yourself there Ben— especially for just meeting.” Reading the name he had already typed in the contact information for you. 

“Nah, I don’t think so.” Taking the phone back once you’re done and placing it back in his pocket. 

“What makes you so sure?”

“Just a gut feeling, I guess.” He says confidently, once more.

“You could just be hungry?” You tease. He shakes his head and laughs again, you like it when he does because his smile makes you feel a little giddy. 

“Well, I guess this is where we part ways for now. Thank you again for the beers, you saved my night.” Not really wanting to part ways, but you know your friends will be worried if you’re gone too long. 

“I’d buy you all the beers in the world if it meant I’d get to see you again.” He looks bashful now, with his hands tucked into his front pockets, looking to where his foot is kicking at the ground. 

“Play your cards right and it might be sooner than later. I’ll see you around sometime, bye Ben.” That catches his attention, giving him a wink before turning to make your way to your seat— you miss his fist pump in the air as he turns into the opposite direction. 

The moment you get to your section, you’re grateful that your group was able to get seats near the isle, less of a chance to annoy other concert goers when trying to get in and out of the row. 

“What the fuck took you so long? We were about ready to send a search party when we saw you forgot your purse!” Your friends share their concern as you stand in front of your seat, the opening act already playing their set of songs. 

“Sorry! The line was long and annoying. You know how I hate crowds— makes me feel all sorts of anxious.” You explain with your focus now on the stage, letting the crisp beer bite the back of your throat as you begin sipping at it, the frothy foam tickling your upper lip as you take a decent gulp. 

Just as the opening song comes to an end, a pair of strong arms wrap around your shoulders, pulling you against a firm chest. 

“Anyone ever told you how beautiful you are?” A question only meant for you to hear, the husky tone sends a shiver down your spine, a kiss to follow to your temple. 

“A few times tonight actually.” You turn to face the owner of the voice. “Here, got you a beer.” Placing the full one into the awaiting hand. 

“Thanks, Love.” The term of endearment never gets old and makes your chest flutter.

A large hand settles on your lower back and pulls you close, slowly slipping lower to grab a handful of your ass, causing a quiet moan to escape from your throat. A confident pair of lips moving over yours as a thank you. It’s a nice kiss too, one that holds promise for something more intimate when you’re alone later. 

“Benny! Where the fuck are our beers?” An annoyed man shouts from a few chairs over. 

“Pope, chill the fuck out man. There was a little snafu at the beer stand, someone forgot her purse so I had to use the $20 to cover her drinks.” Benny yells back to his friend, you nestle your face into his chest to hide your laughter. 

“Okay… So that still doesn’t explain where our beers are. You have a card don’t you?” 

“Yeah, but those fees are a bitch to deal with—“ Benny starts to go on his tangent about credit card fees. 

“If what you’re about to say doesn’t include ‘I’ll go get you your beer Pope’ I don’t want to hear another word out of that dumb mouth of yours.” 

“Ben, Babe— hold my beer and I’ll go back and get them theirs, otherwise we won’t hear the end of it.” You look back over your shoulder to where Will is trying to calm down an overly annoyed Santi— while Frankie and his wife laugh, completely unbothered by the whole situation. 

“I’ll go, I don’t want you to miss any more of the show.” You thank him as he gives you one more less than chaste kiss before setting his cup under his seat and exiting the row of seats. 

You remember he doesn’t have any cash, so you grab a few bills from your purse. 

“Ben!” You yell to him, hoping he can hear you over the loud music, thankfully he does and sees you waving the money in the air at him. 

“You know those fees are ridiculous, you’ll be broke before the night is even over.” You tell him as you shove the money in his front pocket, his hands tilt your face up to him and he smashes his mouth to yours again. 

“Get a fucking room you two!” Your friends heckled from behind you. 

“Love you— don’t know how I’m ever gonna repay you.” He mutters, the stubble littering his upper lip tickles yours as he speaks. 

“Mmm, love you too. You can start by promising me your last name.” 

“Oh trust me, Babe— I plan on it.” 

[mr-wrestlemania]

Might as well do an intro, hi im Keryth and I succumbed to my fixation on wrestlers. Might write some shit here soon on certain wrestlers bc I'm cringe but free.

Minors dni.

Rly new here to this side of tumblr, so stick around if thats your thing. Otherwise you'll see me in the tags occasionally like a roach.

My main is @cynical-bonehead

Fic List under the break

Fic List:

Shawn Centered Fics

Monster AU

Features Shawn as the main character while he traverses the messy realm of wrestling with literal monsters

Vampire Shawn X Reader

Shawn from the monster au is hungry and the reader is looking like a complete snack that he wants a taste of.

Hartbreak Hotel (Shawn X Bret)

A hurt comfort fic that has Shawn confess a bit of things to Bret after an awkward encounter.

Hold You For A Bit Longer (Shawn X Triple H)

Hunter tears his quads and Shawn goes to pick him up from the hospital. A very fluffy drable

Team Hell No

Stubborn Comfort (Daniel Bryan x Kane)

A comfort fic for Kane on May 19th and his stubborn partner who refuses to let him grieve by himself.

[paigeandsagesstuff]

Fangs

Song: “This Is What Heartbreak Feels Like” by JVKE

POV: Your vampire boyfriend, Austin Butler ,catches you in the act. It leads to your first night with him.

Warning: p in v, unprotected sex (triple wrap that shit y’all), force orgasms, oral sex (female receiving), fingering, reader losses virginity, masturbating

🩸Thank you for your support!🩸

Master List Babes💋

"Fuck," You moaned while rubbing your clit as your fingers thrust inside you by the same hand touching your bud. Your hand moves underneath your F/C panties as you hold onto the metal bars of the bed frame with your free hand. You arched your back as the tingles run through your sweaty and quivering body. You felt your neediness rise while thinking about your longtime boyfriend, Austin.

"I'm close, Austin!"

Your fingers roughly thrust into your sopping cunt as you trace fast circles around your overstimulated clit.

"Oh, are you now?"

You felt as if you were losing your mind from hearing his demanding voice, but his piercing red eyes caught you off guard. A shriek left your lips, and you pulled your fingers out of your cunt. Your E/C met his golden ones from across the room.

"Aus, what are you doing here?"

"I heard your sweet little cries," he said with a stern face and his arms crossed, "I wanted to know what made you say my name like that."

"H-how did you hear me?" You blushed.

Austin walked closer to you, "You know that I'm not human. Drop the act."

You liked his stoic voice. You felt yourself stammer with your words, "I-."

He sat on your bed across and stared at your H/L H/C that draped over your shoulders. His golden gaze went to your F/C tank top, which showed a nice view of your cleavage. Austin took your hand and placed your palms against each other.

He leaned in, "A vampire."

You nibbled your lip and peered down shyly, "I know, but I couldn't help my feelings grow."

"Sweetness," he said and cupped your flush face. "I love you."

"I love you, too."

You smiled, and Austin kissed your plump lips while you leaned back onto your bed with him hovering over you, but his eyes turned black at the smell of your arousal.

"Baby, do you want this?"

"Yes, Austin," you whimpered, "I want you."

He growled and hungrily kissed your lips and slipped his hand underneath your top. He groped your breast and gave it a rough squeeze. You arched your back and moved your mouth from his to moan. He slid his tongue into your mouth where you battled for dominance, of course, he won. You two continued to kiss one another, and Austin moved his hand down to your wet core and rubbed your eager bud. You tangled your fingers in his golden locks and whined at his teasing.

"Austin, please," you begged, "just fuck me."

He smirked an inch from your bruised lips with a chuckle, "Sorry babe, but I need to prepare you."

You gasped at his words as he ripped your F/C panties off. Austin spread your legs and stared at your warm cunt.

"So wet, sweetness," he said and lowered his head between your thighs to kiss his way up towards your clit, which he licked lightly. You whined and tried to move to get more pressure, and you met his heated stare as Austin licked and sucked your clit. You latched onto his hair and moved your hips, but he placed his arm down so you would be still.

"Baby, it feels too good!" You quivered and tried to move away, but Austin stopped you, and you let out an excited moan for loving his dominant side of him as you tried to move. "Austin"

You arched your back when he slide two fingers into your cunt and thrust slowly, then roughly. You gripped the mental bars as your body moved from him making out with your pussy.

"Oo my god-Austin, I might-!" You cried out and came hard onto his face. Even though you were orgasming, he continued to lick and finger you. Your high came down, and Austin pulled away and watched in pride at how he made you cum so hard. He bites his lip to see your flushed face with your H/C sprawl onto your cotton pillows.

"So sweet, baby," He smirked.

"Stop teasing me," you shyly said.

He hovered over you to kiss your ear and whispered, "I love to tease you, my princess."

You whined as he ripped your tank top off and threw it off of you, which left you gasping as you watched him lower his pants and saw his big cock. Austin rubbed it against your clit while staring at you with his wine-colored eyes.

"You ready?"

"Yes."

He slowly entered you, and you silently gasped at the new feeling of being stretched. He's your first. Austin looked at you to check if you weren't hurt, but he cursed himself as a tear left your cheek, so he stopped to let you adjust. He leaned down, peppering kisses onto your delicate face.

"Are you okay, baby?" He asked and kissed the tear away.

"It just hurts a little."

"Okay, let me know when to move," he said.

"Okay."

He waited, and then he felt you move your hips a little. Austin met your gaze and said, "Please move."

He does by thrusting slowly, and you lightly moaned. He picked up the speed, causing you to wrap your legs around his waist and claw at his back, and the scratches healed as soon as they appeared.

"Fuck," you whimpered.

He smirked at you and kissed your gaping lips. Austin gripped onto a pillow next to your head out of pleasure as he continued to thrust in and out of you. He fathered his speed and placed his face between your neck as he hunched over your figure.

"Fuck baby," he moaned into your ear as you cried out.

"Austin, make me scream!"

His eyes turned black as he rocked his hips into yours roughly, and his body shook from his speed. The bed frame was hitting the wall, but you could care less about the neighbors' hearing. You let out a specific scream when he hit a sensitive spot, and he looked down and smirked, and you bit your lip harshly, causing a drop of blood to fall. Austin stopped and growled at the smell of it, but you grabbed him so he could taste it, taste you, and you both continued to make love. He sucked on the bit of blood, but you pulled away.

"I'm about to cum!"

"Wait for me, sweetness." He ordered. You clawed at him in protest but tried to hold off your orgasm. Your core clenched around his cock, making it hard for him.

"Shit, if you keep clenching, I won't last long." He said against your lips, "Cum now."

You did and exploded with pleasure along with Austin, and as you calmed down, he laid on top of you. He lifted himself and smiled at you.

You shyly looked at him, "Baby, you're making me blush."

He chuckled and pulled out of you and laid with you, pulling you closer by your waist.

"You're so sexy in bed."

You turned red and buried your face into his chest. Austin laughed and brought you out from underneath him.

He cupped your cheek, "I love you, Y/N."

"I love you, too." You said and kissed his lips.

He kissed back and nibbled at your lips, but you pulled away shyly.

"Awe, you told me not too long ago that you wanted me to fuck you."

"Austin!" You said and lightly slapped his chest, which didn't hurt. You buried your face into his chest again.

"Y/N, show me your beautiful face or-."

"Or what?" You mouthed.

In a blink of an eye, you were pinned down to the bed with Austin hovering over you. You giggled at your attempt to free yourself, but there was no use.

"Austin!" You laughed.

"You poked the bear, sweetness."

"Maybe I wanted to see what the bear would do." You blushed with a smirk.

He matched your smirk and lowered his lips to yours, "Then you shall see."

Tags

@purejasmine

[acknowledge-reigns]

Somebody truly had the nerve to say Roman has never had to deal with or wrestle with injuries/set backs in his career and that he "could never power through like C*dy did with his torn pec". First of all, comparing how these two athletes deal with injuries is big fucking weird but since we're going there and I take my role of #1 Joe Anoa'i defender to heart what I'm not about to do is let y'all set up here on this internet and make it seem as if my Tribal Chief ain't ever fought through shit because this man is a WARRIOR, do you hear me???

(HE'S A TWO TIME LEUKEMIA SURVIVOR SINCE Y'ALL MOTHERFUCKERS LIKE TO FORGET HE KICKED CANCER'S ASS TOO.) Generally speaking, not just that situation but in many others in Joe's life, some of your faves would have folded. (especially those two yt men that run from company to company when they don't get their way) . Really this ain't shade to C*dy, I give him his props for powering through injuries and shit too. Most of these superstars have. And saying some of them would probably fold (hell, I would. Most of us would.) Isn't saying they're weak. I'm saying Roman is a badass on a different level and you can argue with your momma or with the wall on that one, not me.

List of injuries/illnesses known to us throughout Roman's career -

Back + Hip injury 2023 (Sumerslam, v Jey Uso.)

Ruptured Ear Drum 2022 (Survivor Series, v Kevin Owens who surprised him with a spot that was not planned and resulted in the injury. There however is no bad blood between the two.)

Had COVID 2022 (https://www.espn.com/wwe/story/_/id/32974962/roman-reigns-wwe-biggest-star-tests-positive-covid-19-scratched-atlanta-event)

Lingering affects from COVID 2022 (due to being immunocompromised https://www.fightful.com/wrestling/roman-reigns-discusses-his-covid-experience-says-he-still-feels-chest-tightness)

Shoulder/Arm injury 2022 (Wrestlemania 38, v Brock Lesnar)

Reveals Leukemia treatment side effects (including Nausea and arthritis in arms and legs, mentioned in 2019 and 2020 interviews. Ex. https://www.leukaemiacare.org.uk/support-and-information/latest-from-leukaemia-care/inspirational-stories/roman-reigns-wwe-cml-and-me/#:~:text=Previously%2C%20Reigns%20revealed%20to%20the,in%20terms%20of%20being%20sick.)

Knee Injury 2019 (Hell in a cell tornado tag with Daniel Bryan, v Erick Rowan and Luke Harper.)

Second battle with Leukemia 2018

Eye injury, required stitches 2018 (after 6 man tag match on RAW https://www.wrestlingnewsworld.com/wwe/roman-reigns-gets-stitches-raw)

Shoulder injury + Cracked ribs 2017 ( RAW, v Braun Strowman)

Shattered nose + Surgery 2016 ( v Triple H. See attached article https://www.wwe.com/shows/raw/2016-02-22/article/reigns-surgery)

Needed stitches May 2016 (live show, see photos https://www.wwe.com/worldwide/gallery/roman-reigns-receives-stitches-in-melbourne-australia-photos#fid-40042095)

Head Injury that required staples 2014 (https://youtu.be/OYMce1GDiDc?si=KtbVybtoQVr7FKDL)

Emergency surgery for Hernia 2014 (which he wrestled for some time while dealing with, see WWE.com article herehttps://www.wwe.com/shows/nightofchampions/2014/roman-reigns-breaking-news)

This list does not include FCW injuries, football injuries or his 2007 leukemia diagnosis durring which he was unhoused with a child on the way. And these are just the instances we know of!

Say what you will about Roman in kayfabe but do not minimize the struggles Joe has been through or his resilience. And if you're a Roman "fan" buying into the the rhetoric that he hasn't faced any adversity then as my dear friend @love-islike-abomb says, Please "Go whistle in the woods". IYKYK.

Oh and while we all here...

Acknowledge him, Bitches ☝🏾☝🏾☝🏾☝🏾.

[mrfunnyinthebank]

here is my list of WWE and AEW predictions for 2025

Goldberg vs Big E at Wrestlemania

Jey Uso IC title run

long New Day Tag Team Championship run

Ethan Page joins the main roster

Drew McIntyre puts his fingers inside of somebody

the Miz gets ganged up on and beaten within an inch of his life

more mixed tag teams in WWE

MJF does something so nuts that it breaks containment and goes viral

Jade Cargill vs Bianca Belair

outcome of a major match has to be changed due to an error during it

Kevin Owens gets suspended

new public figure starts a pro wrestling career

Chris Jericho becomes compromised to a permanent end

a fresh wave of Hulk Hogan lies

shoot backstage Triple H bitchfit caught on camera

Christian Cage gets eviler and shaves his head

huge year for the Hurt Syndicate

Trick Williams joins the main roster

injury caused by a leap from the second rope

Paul Turner refs the nastiest freakiest match of the year

Drew McIntyre leads us into a golden era of homoeroticism in the WWE

Kyle Fletcher popularizes tear away pants

Michael Cole gets a shot at Dirty Dom

LA Knight loses it

Samoa Joe whoops ass the night he returns

huge year for Liv Morgan

Pete Dunne and R-Truth make amends and team up

precedent-setting old school nasty as fuck women's hardcore match

Jacob Fatu gets a chance to really strut his shit ✅

Kyle Fletcher/Daniel Garcia feud that gets overtly sexual

Big Boom AJ doesn't last the year

Rhea Ripley vs Iyo Sky

big year for Kevin Owens

CM Punk gets benched for several weeks

Jon Moxley kisses an opponent on the lips

an old man tries to show us he's still got it and proves that he does not by getting hurt very badly

after 2 keyfabe cervical injuries and all that smack about broken necks somebody hurts their neck for real

Carlito wrecks shop

huge year for Kyle Fletcher

women's blood match

the adoration starts to go to CM Punk's head and AJ Lee has to return to put him in his place

an animal is involved in a big moment

the crowd gets in the habit of chanting "scammer" at Logan Paul to the point that it gets very difficult for production to ignore or edit out

a ref takes an impressive bump

Shawn Michaels gets betrayed on NXT

the first F word on Netflix is disappointing

year of the crotch chop

Jeff Hardy returns to WWE

Dirty Dom gets his mustache shaved off in the ring

a rival makes reference to the fact that CM Punk keeps getting a boner when he wins a match

[toomuchracket]

OKAY SIS HEAR ME OUT! flatmate!matty scenario where they've spent the first couple of nights cuddled up together and it's been very hot and intimate, no kissing or sex though. the reader is obviously worked up af when they wake up because matty is just holding her TIGHT and whispering sweet nothings to her ear all morning and it's just so sexy and does not help her horny state at all. she wants to take a shower before breakfast so matty suggests that he'd be more than happy to prepare the breakfast while she's in the shower. he's so cute asking her what she wants to have and making a very detailed mental list about her wishes. so she goes to take the shower and her entire body is just ACHING for matty so she starts touching herself while she's in there and of course, matty has some sort of a question about what fruits she wants to have with her yoghurt and goes ask her that but hears the shower run and her MOANING and whimpering behind the door so he's like oh-......OH!!! he rushes back to the kitchen cause he doesn't want to be a perv (it's way too early to ask if she need any help with what she's up to). she finishes herself and the shower and goes to the kitchen in matty's robe, all fresh and cute and matty triple checks if he got her breakfast wishes right and she's like oh yes, babe it's perfect <3 and then he admits to her that he came to ask what sort of fruits she'd wanted to have with her yoghurt but heard the shower already run so he didn't want to bother her and just added every fruit he could think of (which she finds so cute cause there's almost more fruits than the yoghurt itself). she realises matty heard her touching herself while moaning his name and her cheeks start heating up and so does matty's and they're just so cute and shy about it. neither one of them brings it up, however, until they actually have sex. idk i'm sorry this is so long but WHAT DO YOU THINK OMG!

i think this is incred and if you wrote it i would read it!!

but yeah like idk how you two do it - you share a bed with matty all the time and then wake up and have deeply intimate chats while snuggling him and you're NOT a couple??? madness. it does get to you - you wake up h word (which is a normal thing btw) in matty's bed one morning and you're literally clenching every muscle in your body to stop yourself moaning and/or grinding on him involuntarily while he's all gravelly-voiced and sleepy and pliable and messy-haired and warm and almost-fucking-NAKED spooning you. so you're like "is it cool if i have the shower first?" just to escape the sitch and matty's like "of course darlin', i'll get started on breakfast while you're in. what d'you fancy? still got some of that honey left from when you had that awful hayfever (a.n. look at me with my easter eggs! taylor jenkins reid found d*ed! that was a joke btw), maybe something with that?", and you're like oh shit i'm horny AND lovesick for him i am going to die ANYWAY "iced coffee, yoghurt and some honey mixed in with fruit at the side, please, babe". and matty's like "ooh. raspberries? strawberries? blueberries? kiwi?" literally listing everything you bought in your aldi haul yesterday lol, and you make your decision and matty literally repeats it back to you totally seriously to make sure it's right (like the former chinese-restaurant delivery boy he is lmao) and goes "ok sweetheart you hop in the shower and i'll start assembling it", and you're like "perfect thank you babe i won't be long!". but then when he's in the kitchen, matty gets so distracted thinking about how cute you are that he's like "wait. did she want raspberries or strawberries?" and scoots along to the bathroom to ask, but stops dead in his tracks when he hears you WHINING his name and swearing over the sound of the shower - bless you, it all got too much for you and you literally had no choice but to use that removeable showerhead on yourself to relieve the desire a bit. i think matty's first thought would be a very horny mental image of you all naked and soapy and sexual, but then he's like oh fuck ew i'm not a creep not a weirdo but what the hell am i doing here i can't ask her about her fruit choices now and heads back to the kitchen, where he makes an executive decision to put raspberries in your breakfast and tries not to imagine what you were doing to yourself (he fails miserably). and like you said, you wander in looking very relaxed (😉) and cute in a robe you stole from matty (who stole it from a hotel) and go "ooh this looks amazing!" and matty's like "you're sure i did it right? with the raspberries?", and you're like "yes? we double checked it?" and matty goes all bashful like "i got distracted and forgot what it was you said lol i did go to the bathroom to try and catch you pre-shower to ask, but i could hear the water when i got closer so i just left it". and at first you're like "aww" and then internally you're like OH SHIT HE HEARD ME MOAN HIS NAME and yeah breakfast is a little bit quieter that morning than usual lol. and yeah, i think matty would ABSOLUTELY take the piss a little bit when he eventually reveals he heard you that day, and you facepalm and almost die of embarrassment - that is, until matty appeases you by asking you to shower with him and show him what you were getting up to that morning, which you happily do before he rails you over the bathroom counter lol <3

[tiredtriedfailures]

oh yk if you have another ask like that sitting in your inbox maybe i did remember to send it before lol. whatever either way i appreciate your choices because goddamn i can’t breathe after looking at that post. i swear if he was taller (personally i think his height makes him more attractive but that’s just me i guess) he would be all over peoples lists of most attractive men he is GORGEOUS. i’ve got another question if you feel like thinking about it: what are your favorite voices and weird little noises he makes in his songs? i love the vocal choices he makes it adds so much texture to his music (plus i think it’s cute but um anyway)

hed def be more popular if he was tall hes already buff and pretty but such is the life of a short king smh. im glad you enjoyed the pics lol we need kenny beauty appreciation!!! more!!!! MORE! and the voices. god the voicess. they get me so bad bro i dont know if i should make this list (lying) (wants to make it)

alright so i was legit taken aback by his voice in Kings Dead because effects and filters and whatnot aside his voice sounds like BROKEN GLASS. its so crazy interesting to me how does he do that. hes giving me synesthesia like what.

he sometimes increases his accent and it feels like gravity tripled in force. when he hits that put the wrong label on me flow in not like us i scrunch into a little ball like crunched paper.

OH OH ok so in his older songs kendrick mostly raps in that nasally voice or just normal but when you watch interviews he SPEAKS in this voice i can only describe as a chainsmoking air conditioner, its both deep and cold (?) and the examples in songs would be backstreet freestyle or fuckin problems verse. love that voice. i imagine he was pushing his voice into that because its not like that anymore but damn its got such dimension, coming straight from his chest.

OH H OH FUCKK one of my favorites is also The Recipe voice, kendrick hits that one aggressive flow and SOUNDS like his voice is trying to beat the shit out of you. ladies its not my fault that its 80 degrees and my top peeled off. damn he sounds so hot in that yeeesh.

of course i gotta mention his car engine RRRRRRRRRRRR in the live baby keem family ties god it goes so hard. just straight up growling ok ok ok ok

god im going thru my playlist and theres no way this list ends. his voice is so strong in alright. what you want you? nothing king keep going

that mr get off snippet both has him panting and the breathy GYAH GYAH man im done im losing it

[malicesaintoverseer]

Loose Killaz - Caio Henrique 🫳🏻🎤

[Verse 1: NECRO] I verbally urinate on you, I'm pure hatred I'm infuriated, you're just a human waste and I'm Still killing the tripulation you're a faggot who Likes to lick these dick vibrators and needing defibrillators I'm like A-Hitler the dictator apply a kick to your ribcage Then pull the laser and annihilate you like Olivia in Premonition You need a clout of recognition so that's why your whore Keep fucking our crew for days And smashing nuts like Johnny Cage My bullet pierces the atmosphere I roll through you with a gyrosphere Suck a horse! Yeah, I'm known for fucking corpse Fucking necrophilia, pussy Emilia, it's a NECRO paraphilia Regina's chlamydia is so deadly then my flow heavy is Like the hands of Robert Chambers chocking Jennifer Levy (Whoo!) Drop jewels, knocking fools, popping tools: Rock it Get your hands away from my pockets, I'll tie your body to a rocket Public masturbation, human beings evisceration We'll get the blood gushing like a fucking head decapitation Dr. Loomis with a Glock and rifle popping Michael Then he eat these shots like it's nothing And then the psycho is gonna knife you

[Verse 2: Richard Chase] Bleed ether lethal, my soul keeps suffering Now why the heck your mouth keeps Coughing my delicious cow-shit stuffing? Fags dancing Ragatanga bang bang Winter Soldier Steamroller, king cobra, bang bitch on a sofa Spit coka, either rap songs or get slapped on Get checked on, hit your chest gone from Teflon Sap bombs, make a move or get moved on Face down to disfigurate, hit your waist with the Hammers from the Triple H Call me Guevara, guerrilla killer, Zilla's problem The gorilla Maguila, elephant stomping I impress in the cypher yes Body's caught in the spider web Down the drain, mortal remains High-off meds I do damage from a sniper's lead Raise the dead using necromancy and laugh instead So while you're gunning motherfuckers asleep I'll do awake, homicide and suicide will destroy your fate

[Verse 3: Pazuzu] So who is better? Since you never sever Every letter for cheddar, the Beretta will rip sweaters I flip letters like Vanna White when I rhyme Magma lava will dismantle the mic Cameras, lights, the wrong is the right We lick this shot, real hip-hop, the steel Glock Popped my own pops, so he just dropped, shots to the top And to the crotch, reload it and pop, Fred Krug shit So y'all lose it, show y'all how to do it, you leak fluids I move quick telekinetics, I got the Bruce Lee kick-off In my genetics, you need medics, my methods break bones Like being smashed by a anvil in the ocean I'm the devil orb floating and that's so grim My flow Sam, nigga Samhain, now check my temper Throwing darts on my mom's severed head like Ed Kemper Burn me? Nah, Zero tolerated I look like the Boomer zombie whenever I'm constipated

[Verse 4: MAD] The screams from the Hell cell got the Devil panickin' As you niggas rocking gold chains, I rock you with Pinhead chains The Hellraiser, Hell eraser, not the raiser, pay attention What you're writin', bitch, when I enter the song lookin' like Charles Whit when he's snipin' shit, blood from my pen When it leaks everytime, I will travel back in time To erase your every rhyme, while your body is tortured By the Islam, tell how much you love your fam' And your list is totally overrated with no Big L or Pun The propane burst, I react with feeling no pain 'Cause I'm that unstoppable when I'm listening to Cobain Schemin' on these niggas with decisions of incisions Been through more vaginas than Sam Little been through prisons Multiple acts of rage out there flowin' the hate hard I'll kill every race so stop with the race card I don't hear nuthin' 'cuz the beat stays bumpin' and Merciless Alex Mercer choppin' homies if they frontin' I'll slice your ears off and give this nigga a deaf death It's the verbal Holocaust with the Hitler resurrectin' it

[Verse 5: Mr. Hyde] This track is just a madness, your trach is kicked and smashed You're banished I'm outlandish eat the whole Metheny sandwich Manipulate semantics, my randomness is ransomless The mic's on my hand kid, I plan to take advantage A dangerous substance, we cranium-bust the suffering Your lungs look like something straight outta a King's thing I'll send you to the pit of Hell, the demon rape gon' fit you well It's not like I care about it, sex Samara in the deepest well Cutthroat Ronaldo right after he makes a goal Because selling his organs in the black market is my goal Diss everything, I'm sickening, the lights keep blinking in Apocalyptic beginning when we start to bring the victims And we're damage-inflicting the system just got extinguished We'll burn you to a frequency you're like a crispy KFC recipe Pull the heat and blast the block as I start the master plot Watch me rock the place like a earthquake aftershock

[pure-garbage]

Hunt For The Earring! Honing The Sense That Is Haki

Chapter Warnings: Violence, Language, Injury

"One last time," Lana snarled, holding the last conscious bounty hunter up by her hair. Their den was completely wrecked in the wake of her rampage, bodies strewn across the room in varying states of defeat.

"Unless you want to end up like your buddies, I suggest you tell me where I can find Vin."

"Vin left a while ago!" the woman gasped past a mouthful of blood. She spit out a few teeth, then went on. "H-he didn't say where he was going!"

Lana believed her. She let her fall to the ground, running bloodied fingers through her own hair in frustration.

"Gah! Damn it!"

Her mind raced and she prepared to leave. All she could think about was finding Vin.

'I'll scour this entire town if that's what it takes! I'm not leaving without Zoro's earring!'

Banging on the door interrupted her enraged thoughts.

"Oh thank god!" the woman at her feet groaned. "The marines are finally here!"

"Crap!"

Lana had completely forgotten that they were coming for her. She made a break for the room where she and Alan had been imprisoned. A glance through the hole she'd made in the wall told her that the coast outside was clear.

'The marines expected a clean hand-off. There's a chance they didn't even believe these bounty hunters caught the right lockpick. The didn't send a lot of men.'

Lana made a break for it, dashing through dark streets away from the commotion rising behind her.

'This town isn't that big... but it's unfamiliar and time isn't on my side! Once the marines find out I'm really here, I don't know how far they might go to lock this island down! Enies Lobby was bad enough, but after Luffy's involvement at Marineford, our crew is high on the navy's shit list. How long can I really risk staying?'

"If I was thieving, low-life bounty hound scum, where would I go?" she muttered. "Bars, brothels... I definitely don't have time to check them all! Damn it!"

'I wonder... could I use haki to find him?'

Lana crossed her arms over her chest as a cloud crossed the brightly glowing moon overhead, obscuring some of its light. She'd been training vigorously to increase her physical strength and stamina, but she hadn't neglected her observation haki either. The work she'd done to refine it had extended the time frame she was able to glimpse. Now, she found herself wondering if she could extend its spatial range as well if she concentrated.

'Why not?' she decided. 'It's at least worth a try.'

When she used haki to predict an opponent's movements, Lana was aware that she was using a sense detached from the physical ones she typically used to interact with the world.

'It's like I'm feeling their energy with mine and reading it to gauge their intentions.'

Without a teacher, Lana was forced to rely on her own intuition and the definitions she was able to glean from her limited experience.

As soon as Lana tried out the new technique, she realized her hunch was exactly right.

'I can tell how many people are in the buildings around me!'

The extra sense afforded her a meager ten feet at first, but the instant she tightened her focus, she felt that radius nearly triple.

'This is a neat trick. This could really come in handy!' she thought, feeling a little burst of glee despite her current quandary.

Lana swept through the streets, hood pulled high while she canvassed the town. After fifteen minutes, she neared the docks.

'If I'd have known we'd get into so much trouble here, I would have moored further down the coast,' she lamented internally, hoping that no one realized Old Man's Morry's boat was hers and Alan's.

A familiar presence took her mind off her worrying.

"Got you, bastard!" she smirked. A tavern, just as she'd suspected.

Vin was inside, nursing a drink, locked into a noisy game of cards. Lana strode over and planted a hand on the edge of the large table, nudging Vin's stack of chips over and scattering them.

"I'm here for my earring!" she announced, cutting off his angry cries. "Give it back!"

"The hell are you doing!" Vin slurred in surprise. "If you know what's good for you, you'll run before I finish this hand!"

"Idiot. If I was gonna run, I'd already be long gone. Now hand it over!"

"Vin, you need 'ta step out?" a man called from across the table.

"Nah, this one didn't put up much of a fight the first time around," Vin chuckled. "I'm not sweating it."

"Ignore me and you'll regret it," Lana warned him.

"Settle, doll. You'll get your turn soon enough," Vin assured her.

Lana eased off the table while Vin reviewed his cards. Lips curling disdainfully, she seized a handful of his hair and slammed his head into the table with abrupt brutality. The other players reacted, some exclaiming while one or two jumped up. One laughed raucously while Lana did it agin, then a third time. Blood spattered over the wood, staining the cards across the table. Satisfied, Lana shoved Vin back, tipping his chair over and sending him sprawling onto the floor.

"Hand it over or I'll beat it out of you, she threatened, looming over him.

'Knife!'

Lana moved her foot lazily out of the path of his disoriented slash, then slammed her heel down onto his wrist. He cried out and dropped the blade. Lana bent to retrieve it, digging its point into his chest.

"Think about going for that pistol!" she dared him, teeth bared in an expression that could have been a grin or a snarl. "Pleas try it. Give me an excuse!"

She patted his pockets down while he lifted his free hand in surrender, groaning as the knife broke his skin.

"Where the hell is my earring?" she demanded.

"Left pocket! Stop, you're- you're gonna skewer me!"

He gripped her wrist desperately while she thrust her hand into his pocket.

"Liar! Where is it?!" Lana raged. She drew the knife back, preparing to strike.

"No I swear! I didn't take it out since I took it off you! I- I was gonna use it if I went bust, to bail myself out! Please don't stab me!"

"Stab?! I'm not just going to stab you!" Lana shouted, fury contorting her features hideously as she rose to stand over him. "I'm going to redefine pain for our entire generation unless you give it back!"

"Please, I don't-"

"Valkyries' Wrath!"

Her aura enveloped the borrowed knife, the phantom steel extending the blade until it was the length of a greatsword. Murmurs of shock swept through the room. Any eyes not already on the fight were drawn by the pearlescent glow emanating from Lana's attack as it gained power, filling the air in the tavern with a resonant thrum.

"You have NO IDEA what you took from me!" Lana yelled, blue fire blazing in her eyes as she faced the possibility that she may have lost Zoro's earring. She hoisted the manifested blade over her head, ready to cleave the man in twain to at least exact revenge for her loss.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, hold up there, love!"

A new voice gave her pause. It was too late to stop her momentum, but Lana was able to divert the attack. Patrons screamed and ducked as the sword flew, spinning wildly. Once it left Lana's grasp, the glow of her aura faded, leaving only the knife behind. Even so, the force with which she'd thrown it sent it tearing straight through the wall. Shrieks from outside informed the bars patrons that it had managed to make its way through the shop next door before stopping at last, embedded to the hilt three walls away.

Vin lay motionless on the floor at Lana's feet, out cold from pure terror. She turned her livid glare to the man who'd interrupted her. It was the same man who'd laughed earlier while she assaulted Vin.

"What?!" she demanded.

"Just figured I'd let you know he really doesn't have it," the man informed her. "I saw some kid lift it off him not too long ago."

"Some kid?! What'd he look like?! Where'd he go?!"

"Scrawny, blue cloak, purple hair," the stranger offered.

'Sounds like Alan... but...'

"And just who the hell are you anyway?!" Lana demanded, leaving Vin to approach this new character. He had his boots kicked up on the table, arms crossed over a leather vest. Piercing green eyes watched Lana intently past long, dark curls that dangled messily in his face. He tossed them back absentmindedly.

"For all I know, you're the one who lifted it and you just want to get me out of here as fast as possible," Lana reasoned suspiciously.

"If I lifted it, I would have kept my mouth shut, love," the man assured her with a cocky grin. "Why draw attention to myself if I had anything to hide?"

"Why draw attention to yourself otherwise?! This scum a friend of yours or something?!"

"Or something. As of our last hand, he owes me five hundred berries, and dead men don't pay their debts," the man explained smoothly.

Lana considered his words.

'He described Alan accurately... he can't be that lucky. And Alan did say he would make amends for causing me trouble. I guess he could have followed Vin from their headquarters. In that case, he's most likely waiting for me at the ship like the idiot he is.'

"If I don't find what I'm looking for, I'm gonna come back here looking for you instead," Lana threatened the man.

"Or maybe I'll find you first, love," the man winked back.

'What a weirdo,' Lana thought.

She was out of time. A pair of marines entered the tavern to investigate the disturbance. Fingers turned on Lana in droves. She didn't feel like fighting marines, so she drew her cloak tight around herself and crash out through a window instead. She landed in a roll, leaped back to her feet and took off running. She lost the marines long before she approached Old Man Morry's boat. Even from a distance, she could make out Alan's figure pacing back and forth restively near the bow.

"Alan! You moron!"

"You're so mean," he grumbled.

"I tracked down the bounty hunter who took Zoro's earring, but he didn't have it," she scowled.

"Yeah, about that..."

Alan pulled the earring from his pocket with an expression full of poorly repressed pride. Moonlight glinted off gold as Lana heaved a massive sigh of relief. She accepted it from him, fastening it to her left ear again gratefully.

"I know you want me to leave you alone," Alan said dejectedly. "And I will, but I wanted to do something to apologize before we part ways. So I followed the bounty hunter and lifted the earring."

"Okay, but since you didn't tell me you were doing all that, I was ready to stay here all night searching for it," Lana pointed out.

"Oh. I guess you're right," Alan realized.

"If someone hadn't tipped me off, I wouldn't have come back to the ship. Then what were you gonna do? If I never showed up back here."

"All your stuff is here, you would have come back for it," Alan grumbled defensively.

"Not if the marines arrested me! My point is, you never think anything through! Which I'm honestly used to dealing with, 'cause my captain's the same way... but Luffy is also the strongest person I know! He can get himself into any mess and then out again, but you... you're just Alan! All you've got is quick fingers! You need to start thinking before you act!"

"I know, you're right," Alan sighed. "Look, it won't be your problem after tonight, so just lay off me about it, okay?"

"Alan?"

"Yeah?"

"Shut up and get on the boat."

"Really?! You forgive me?!"

"I didn't say that. Be less of a pain in my ass and I'll consider it."

"Aye-aye, cap'n!"

"I'm not a captain. Just unmoor the damn boat and let's go before the marines blockade the island."

"Roger that."

Lana sighed wearily, but decided to concentrate on escaping.

_________________________________________

<== Previous Chapter

Next Chapter ==>

== First Chapter ==

[cupidsdescendant]

Mercs X Sweet Tooth G/N!

Hey yall! It’s been a while since I wrote a short head canon list for the mercs and so I decided to write this! I really have been getting into writing actual one shot stories instead of lists so that’s why my posts have been so slow  ^___^ I’m thinking about making a version of this one for the creepy pasta characters to go back to fanfic roots ;-; anyways, g’day! Mwah XOXOXO

Scout:

-Very happy

-“Oh yeah? What’s your favorite one? Really! Mine too!” He takes out your favorite candy in response 

-You both like staying up at 3 am eating random sweets

-The sugar rush hits both of you SOOOOO hard. Running across the fort, double, fuck it, triple jumping all around and screaming violently.

- You both literally laugh at almost every thing the mercs say even if it’s not funny or relevant and both laugh at each other laughing so hard. Your laughs become even wheezier when you both cannot speak and it’s both of you mumbling and laughing and your mumbling.

-Just as much as the rush gets you the crash hits harder than the market crash of 2008. Both of you are literally so tired you guys can’t even get up. Eyes sore, legs weak, body tired, everything hurts after literally sonic speeding everywhere. You both wake up holding each other or spooning <3.

-Instead of a hot steamy cup of coffee in the morning you wake Scout up by sitting on top of him and feeding him lemon heads and sour gummy bears. 

-You like to throw gummies and candies into his mouth during fights just to play around and it helps with a speed boost 

-Although Scout loves candy his favorite is of course: B o n k 

-And you both drink it religiously! At this point you both have it in an IV put up into your veins. 

-Scout and you have so much fun with candy. You both go to candy stores together and have fun picking out candies and sodas. Once you both get home you guys would eat eat eat, lose your mind and sleep for the rest of the night ^___^

Soldier: 

-He doesn’t eat a lot of sweets, but once you give him one he goes a little crazy 

-Once, you gave him a chocolate bar and he rocket jumped to space and didn’t come back for at least 3 days

-Soldier finds you alone eating a 12 pack of mini cupcakes to yourself and he gasps “Dear god!” 

-“mfwhaht-?” Y/N said mouth full of white cake and frosting. CANNIBALISM!!” He screams pointing at you in horror

-“HoW!?” Y/N yelled out, Soldier ran over and ran his hand on Y/N’s chin “My cupcake is eatin’ a cupcake!”

-He loves a good ol' fashion American Cherry pie

-Coke is his favorite drink

-He mostly enjoys milk chocolate and whoppers

-Always makes sure they're made in America

Pyro:

-you know em, Pyro is a maniac for that typa shit. Way even more than Scout

-Give them a jolly rancher and he'll spend half of the time rolling around in circles laughing and banging his head on the wall

-her brain is already filled with sunshine and rainbows but once you add candy- it's full blown candy land

-they like to make you dance a lot when he's hyper on candy! Always spinning you around and around <3

-He likes hoping around too. He acts kinda like a little bunny ;w;

-Pyro and you basically just run around setting everything on fire without a care in the world

-His favorite candy...? All of em! Lollipops and sour-sweet ones are his favorites.

-They propose to you with a ring pop

Demoman:

-he can handle some sweet things but he's not a big fan

-But when you mix a sugar rushed Y/N with a drunk Demo it's alllllllll chaos.

-You both love doing karaoke when you're out of yall's minds, screaming violently to songs or crying to sad ones

-Probably have a super duper upper crazye rap battle too

-When you both crash you find each other on the other sides of the rooms but when you both wake up you go and cuddle.

-You both try and get sober from your addictions but fail and the next weekend is the same lol

-Like I said, Demo doesn't really like candy. The only ones he'd eat is going to be mixed with alcohol or root beer ones

Heavy:

no comment. these are his favorite

Engineer:

-being from the south, he loves moon pies and other pies in general

-Engi loves maple taffy and whenever it's winter time he makes them with the mercs or just enjoys them by himself

-He loooves taffy and Rocky Road!!

-Pie is also his favorite, Pumpkin pie specifically. He always likes to eat it with a scoop of vanilla ice cream

-All of the sweet things he eats are always warm and relaxing and so you both like to cozy up together and eat together

-Engineer always has to hold you down when you get a little hyper and he has to tell you to relax

-Gets overwhelmed trying to calm you down and eventually gives up but you decided to sit next to him when you can't find him

Medic:

-always warns you about cavities and tells you not to eat so much sweets

-He usually hides the fact that he eats soo much candy.

-Considering Medic is German he eats mostly German candy and chocolates but he's afraid to admit he likes American candies a lot

-He likes to eat sour candies but his taste in things is a lot more "luxury" and so he eats mostly dark chocolate

-Def the kind of guy to say he's not eating chocolate or candy and have stains all over his clothes and mouth

-Medic's manic-ness and your hyper-ness when you're on a sugar rush is. terrifying. Both of you don't stop and you both cannot.

-Both of you go on the most crazy adventures. Once you both woke up with your limbs detached and the other time you guy's switched bodies

Sniper:

-Sniper doesn't eat sweets. periodt.

-He usually just watches you go coo coo through his rifle and chuckles to himself

-even though he doesn't eat anything sweet he think it's so cute that you love sweets so much

-He goes out his way to always buy you candy when he has the time and his favorite part is holding it while you chomp into it

-Once he saw you eating oreos and he called you cookie monster and you didn't know how to feel

-He's very neutral with everything tbh..

-You always try to convince him to eat it but he just can't do it

-So he'll eat something savory while you eat something sweet so he can interact and hang out with you

Spy:

-He loves chocolate croissants...okay sorry for the french joke lmao

-seriously though he's french! France has the most bomb fucking sweets and desserts ever

-He loves Macarons, Éclairs, Profiterole and crepes

-He also really loves to tell you the history of those desserts and loves sharing his culture with you!!! <3

-He tries to calm you down whenever you have a sugar rush and usually forces you to sit down and eat desserts while he reads to you

-Loves to wipe off the cream or frosting off your face and say some horny french bullshit

-You alwaysssss beg Spy to make French pastries and he reluctantly agrees

-You both spend hours in the kitchen making food together and flirting. It's a really cute moment.

-During breaks or lunch you both eat your pastries together <333

okay so it's been a while since I posted. Hey yall! Hope you like this one <3 stay cute! Mwah xoxoxo

[heelbucks]

heartbreak girl - h.h.h

this is a request from a lovely anon who asked for s on the alphabet list! hope you enjoy!

includes: 90s!triple h x reader, being hbk’s younger sister, hunter being a massive softie, soulmate au. 

word count: 825

“Shawn, why do you keep scaring guys off? Now I’ll never find my soulmate!!” You groaned, pulling your sleeve over your wrist. Once you turned sixteen, two emblems that represented you and your life partner appeared. You had half of a broken heart and a skull with a crown and cross behind it. Now at almost 22, you’ve yet to come close to finding the one. 

“Not my fault I don’t think anyone is good enough for my baby sister.” your brother shrugged, plopping on the couch in your apartment. “I’m not a child anymore Shawn!! Stop babying me!” your voice was laced with venom. “All of my friends already know their soulmates and I haven’t even come close!” 

Shawn sighed. “Fine, you want me to stop babying you? Come wrestle with me. A lot of the boys have eyes on you and I need a valet for my upcoming feud.” “So, get Sunny to do it.” You rolled your eyes. “It’ll be good for you, you’ll love it. Plus, Vince is looking for more female talent.” 

Reluctantly, you agreed. “Awesome! Because I already told him you said yes and that you’d start training with The Kliq immediately.” “I hate you.” “Love you too baby sis. Here’s your ring gear. You start tomorrow morning.” He threw a spandex sports bra and tights at you, in his signature zebra print. “Heartbreak Girl, really?” “We’re siblings, it works. It’ll tie you in easier.” 

_____________________________________________________

You woke up and made your way with Shawn to the stadium they were playing that night. Of his colleagues, you only knew Sunny because she was always around. You had your hair up in a ponytail, and had on a white tee and leggings. Shawn said workout clothes for training and that’s the best you had. 

“Guys, meet my sister, Y/N.” You smiled at the men who towered over you. “It must be nice to finally meet the better Michaels.” You chuckled. “Oh I like her, she’ll fit in just fine.” The only other girl said. “My name’s Chyna. There’s Kevin, Scott and Sean.” 

“Hey, sorry I’m late! I had to talk to Shane abo-” The most stunning man you’d ever seen came running down towards the ring. “Oh can it Hunter. You’re always late.” Scott quipped. 

“Who’s this lovely woman in front of me?” He rolled into the ring and stood in front of you. “Y/N, I’m guessing you’re Hunter?” “You’d be correct. It’s lovely to meet you Y/N.” Hunter grabbed your hand and placed a chaste kiss to it. Your face flushed, as you heard your brother from behind you. “Watch it Helmsley, that’s my baby sister.” You could've sworn you saw a smirk crawl up the 6’4 man’s face. 

“I’ll be careful. Let’s get started shall we?” You began with basics, learning how to properly take a bump, how to do your brother’s finisher, and how to cut a promo. All the while, Hunter taking every chance to be close to you or compliment you. 

“Alright, I think she has enough to last her for tonight. Vince won’t use her until we think she’s ready.” Shawn said, stretching his arms. “Speaking of, I gotta go speak to him about something.” Hunter jumped up and winked at you before adding  “See you guys later. Bye gorgeous.” 

_______________________________________________

hunter’s pov

“Come on boss, she’s new to this and at least she already knows me. D-X is on it’s way out.” I pleaded with Vince to let me have a match with Shawn tonight, pretending it was for Y/N’s sake. The minute I realized she was Shawn’s sister I knew she was my soulmate. I thought it meant my soulmate was meant to hurt me or just didn’t exist. 

“Fine. It’ll be such good shit!” “Thank you, I appreciate it.” 

On my way out of Vince’s office, I bumped into someone and heard a thud. “Ow. You’re built like a brick wall.” I heard the feminine voice say from the floor. “Oh fuck. I’m so sorry Y/N! Are you alright?” I reached my hand down to pull her up. I spotted a symbol that looked like mine. 

“Y/N, can I see your arm?” I tried to hide my excitement. My soulmate was so close to me and yet my so-called best friend was hiding her from me. Then, I saw it. The same tattoo I’d been desperate to find on someone else. 

“It’s you…” She smiled up at me and I spun her around in my arms. 

“Princess, now that I’ve found you I’m never letting you go.” I kissed her forehead before placing her back on her own two feet. “I’d be disappointed if you did.” She smirked. I leaned down to kiss her, finally being able to kiss my life partner. 

“Now this! We can work with!!” I heard Mr. McMahon’s voice from behind us. “It’ll piss off Shawn.” “I’m in.” “That’s my girl.”

[jeannereames]

Following up on the ATG / H in the modern world thing, a bit of a weird question, but if they were transported from the ancient world to now, what do you think they would think about modern fashion? Styles, trends, materials, etc.? They’d probably be shocked about the sheer abundance of things, mass-produced fast fashion, wastefulness, I’m assuming. But from what you’ve said before ancient Greeks were eek about bodily modification, but given ATG was really curious about different people, do you think he’d nonetheless be delighted by the many things people do with themselves nowadays, across all genders (tattoos, piercings, etc.)? Or would he also go eek?

On the other hand, if ATG / H (either historically or as your story characters) were reborn in this world as opposed to transported here from their time, what would you see them wearing? Or enjoying wearing?

I think clothing would probably be pretty low on the list of surprises for either of them. 😭 I can only imagine their fascination with both the speed of communication and the ready availability of information. A smart phone would be a revelation.

Speed of travel, too. Alexander could fly the entire length of his empire in HOURS, not years.

Also, imagine the impact of the ability to photograph, videotape, and videorecord, not to mention the increasingly common process of photogrammetry (3D imaging)?

That’s what I think would just UTTERLY BLOW HIS/THEIR MIND.

Proliferation of stuff would, I suspect, mostly annoy Alexander, including clothing. Double- and triple-packaging, overuse of plastic. But he’d adore microwaves. Instant food! Reheat my coffee! And boy, would he love coffee. And energy drinks. (But I don’t think he’d take up smoking. He was rather picky about smells, and smoking would offend his nose, I suspect.)

In terms of modern styles, I can’t see him wearing *trousers*. The Greeks had such an aversion to them that, even when he adopted Persian dress, trousers were one of the few items he just couldn’t bring himself to don. Can you imagine his reaction to skinny jeans? Or, for that matter, a 3-piece suit?

Given that, for male clothing, he might not have a lot of other options, he might stick to shorts. I can’t see him adopting women’s tunics (which usually take leggings anyway). Depending on his circumstances, he might insist on making/having made for him standard Greek/Macedonian tunics + cloak. Can you imagine a meeting of the G-20 with everybody in suits/pantsuits … except ATG in a tunic, linen cuirass, and cloak? LOL. (And he would not give a shit if he stood out; he’d prefer it.)

As for bodily modification, he might not care what others did, but I can’t see him, in a million years, getting a tattoo. Like trousers, that’s just too outré—what barbarians do. Not even pierced ears. (That’s for sailors and barbarians.) But I think he would, after an initial adjustment, accept it well enough on other people. Just as he wouldn’t be caught dead in trousers, even as the new King of Asia, but if the Persians wore them, he didn’t care.

Can you see his reaction to some ultra-conservative type accusing him of being a sissy for prancing around in a “dress” (tunic) instead of “proper pants like a Real Man”?

“Uh, dude, you wear pants because your precious little balls need extra insulation on horseback. REAL MEN don’t need no stinkin’ trousers! I have Balls of Steel!”

Gotta love the cultural clashes…. But that’s the level of cultural aversion here. Can you imagine a rancher in Texas or Wyoming or Montana asked to wear a Greek tunic and think it cool? It’s pretty deeply embedded in us, what we believe makes us look “ridiculous.” And Alexander would think he looked ridiculous in trousers/jeans/etc.

ATG seemed to have had two basic ways of dressing: completely common, what-every-soldier-wears—“I don’t give a fuck just let me get my work done”—and decked out to the nines—“How much flash and purple can I possibly attach to my person for whatever party/ceremony I have to attend tonight?” He did “blue collar” and “black-tie affair”—not a lot of in-between: “business casual.” Depending on the weather, he might go for junk Tees (soft!) or flannel… (but yeah, what about the trousers/jeans/khakis?) for work wear. Dress up would be another matter.

Again, I just can’t picture the historical man letting anybody put him in a suit. It doesn’t compute for me. He’d invent his own style, based on ancient clothing fashion.

For Hephaistion, I think he’d have the same issues with trousers. I don’t know that he’d be as comfortable creating his own fashions, but he’d probably follow ATG’s lead on that score.

As for them born into todays world? Well, I think the same general trends apply. Alexander would have two modes: dress very well, or dress like he didn’t care. I think he’d like expensive jewelry: a gold men’s ring with a sapphire or ruby. And as for watches, forget Rolex. He’d have a Patek Philippe. He might opt for something unique, like a torque instead of a gold chain necklace. He’d enjoy cufflinks. He might or might not have a pierced ear, but I can’t see him going for a lot of piercings or tattoos. If he had a tattoo, it’d be where he could cover it up.

But again, if going to a party, he’ll dress to the nines, and might really like some spots of color. A bright red silk custom shirt. Or royal purple tie and pocket square. Or never mind that…an ascot. All this assumes he’s born and raised in Western areas. If he were born in other parts of the globe, obviously, he’d adjust to men’s formal wear there. I could see him going for some gorgeous Asian hanfu as a statement, or African dashiki or agbada. The basic thing is—he’s going to want the flash. Even before the Persian campaign, Macedonian elite engaged in gold accents on clothing and very fine weaving. But it was all upscale.

I can’t speak much for the historical Hephaistion, but my Hephaistion would be inclined to the subtle. Alexander might like the flash in fancy dress, but Hephaistion would prefer one really nice piece—say a good bracelet, necklace, ring, or a super-fine Italian tie and leather shoes. I could see him inclined to pierced ears, maybe tattoos, but not oodles of them, or unusual piercings. He’s just not—for me—a flashy guy. He wouldn’t wear eye-liner or paint his nails.

Except the hair. 😏 In the novels, he’ll eventually cut it, for practical reasons, but if he were in this day-and-age, he’d be rockin’ the manbun and neatly sculpted beard. I could even see him use some very understated hair jewelry or colorful dye in a single streak. He wants you to admire his hair. LOL.

[angelicamerlinbarnes]

Okay but like I feel like Diego is the kind of person to flirt with really bad pick-up lines and Klaus is just Not Having It

featuring: Diego being a flustered Mama's boy and Klaus being a disaster dumbass and the two of them being completely in love with each other anyway

DISCLAIMER: None of the pick-up lines are mine, but the responses and ensuing shenanigans are :)

(there's fifty of these so buckle up kids :) sorry not sorry <3)

seriously though some of these are really bad

#1: He A Snack

Diego: Baby, you belong in the vending machine because you’re a snack.

Klaus: Diego you know I’m claustrophobic.

Diego: Don’t you mean Klaus-trophobic??? *finger guns*

Klaus: *blinks*

Klaus: I want a divorce.

#2: I’m From Hell

Diego: Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?

Klaus: I’m a veteran addict and abuse victim who can see ghosts, Diego.

Klaus: Everything hurts.

#3: Animal Puns

Diego: *points to TV screen playing the Discovery Channel* Hey Klaus.

Diego: You’re my otter half.

Klaus: Diego those are meerkats.

#4: Stars

Diego: The stars are beautiful tonight.

Klaus: Yup.

Diego: You know who else is beautiful?

Klaus: Ben.

#5: Get Out Your Handcuffs Mister

Diego: You’re under arrest… for stealing my heart.

Klaus: Diego you got kicked out of the police academy like five years ago, just give up.

#6: Bad Boys

Diego: *leaning against the doorframe like a moron* So. I hear you like bad boys.

Klaus: Diego you cried because you accidentally stepped on a bee last week.

Diego: Well yeah but -

Klaus: You held a funeral for it. You made us all speak. You had Allison fly in from California. It was a fucking bee, Diego.

Diego: … I wear leather?

Klaus: So does every other kid who shops at Hot Topic. You’re not special.

#7: Prince Charming

Diego: Your knight in shining armor is here -

Klaus: One, that’s a turtleneck, not armor.

Klaus: Two, you’re covered in blood. That’s the opposite of shiny.

Klaus: Three, you smell like dead fish. Go take a shower.

#8: Chemistry

Diego: Did we have a class together? Because I could’ve sworn we had -

Klaus: Chemistry? Yup. Also English and math and foreign languages and history and like every other fucking thing because we grew up in the same sadistic boarding school, Diego.

#9: The Store Can’t Just Give Away Things For Free. That’s A Terrible Way To Run A Business.

Diego: I like your pants.

Klaus: Thanks. I got them out of a dumpster. And yes, you can have them 100% off.

Diego: *voice cracks* Really?

Klaus: No.

#10: Boyfriend Material

Diego: My jeans are made of -

Klaus: You’re wearing leather pants Diego.

Diego: Okay but -

Klaus: So they’re made of leather and they’re not fucking jeans.

#11: Digits

Diego: I lost my phone number. Can I have -

Klaus: None of us have phones, Diego.

Diego: I can… buy us some?

Klaus: Fine. I want my number to be 1-420-420-4201.

Diego: Baby no.

Klaus: *pulling out the puppy dog eyes* Pwetty pwease?

Diego: Fine, but mine’s gonna be 1-696-969-6969.

Klaus: I love you so much. Marry me. Have my babies.

#12: Love At First Sight

Diego: Do you believe in love at first sight or -

Klaus: If I did I’d have already fallen in love with a lot of hot ghosts.

Diego: - should I walk by again?

Klaus: You’ve been pacing for the past ten minutes, Gogo. I think if it was gonna happen it would’ve by now.

#13: You Have Fine Written All Over You

Diego: Are you a parking ticket? Cause -

Klaus: Diego I can’t drive.

#14: His Eyes Are Green Not Blue You Dipshit

Diego: Your eyes are an ocean, and I’m lost at sea.

Klaus: ... can’t you, like, hold your breath forever?

Diego: *blinks* Baby, I love you, but you’re ruining this with our childhood trauma.

Klaus: Well since you’ve refused therapy I just thought this was the next best option.

Diego: I take back what I said about loving you.

#15: Math Is Dumb And I Wish School Would Stop Teaching It

Diego: Are you a forty-five degree angle?

Klaus: Actually, because humans have non-linear body shapes, it’s impossible for their specific angles to be measured -

Diego: Are you high or have you been defiling Five’s books again?

Klaus: *blinks* Why can’t it be both?

Diego: *rethinking life decisions*

#16: Baby I’m All Yours

Diego: Do you have a name?

Klaus: Klaus.

Diego: Or can I call you mine?

Klaus: I mean I prefer “baby”, but sure.

Diego: *super wide eyes* Really?

Klaus: *melts into a puddle of glitter* Yeah, Gogo.

#17: (Not) Bookworms

Diego: Thank god I brought my library card. Cause I’m here to check you out.

Klaus: *through a mouthful of waffles* God isn’t real. We all die and rot beneath the earth to be eaten by maggots. There is no such thing as a higher power.

Klaus: *swallows waffles and takes a really loud slurp of an orange juice and chocolate milk combo*

Klaus: Oh, and the library’s closed for renovations til, like, Christmas so you’re outta luck, sorry.

Diego: I thought you met god? Little girl on a bicycle?

Klaus: Her? Nah, only Satan’s got that much sass. Plus, that wasn’t heaven.

Diego: And you know this how?

Klaus: *squishes Diego’s face with both hands* Think about it. Do you really think dear ol’ dad’s in heaven?

Diego: Can you let of my face please?

#18: Bad Move, Buddy

Diego: Are you a pre-historic fossil? Cause you’re my missing link.

Klaus:

Klaus:

Klaus:

Klaus: Did you just call me old?

Diego, backing out of the room slowly: What? No! No of course not! No, obviously no, absolutely not -

Klaus: *releases savage war cry*

Diego: *runs for his goddamn life*

#19: I Rate This 0/10

Diego: Are you from Tennessee? Cause you’re the only -

Klaus: I don’t know where I’m from. I’m an orphan.

Diego: Oh… I know, baby -

Klaus: And the piece of shit that adopted me lived in New York anyway. We’re in New York right now actually. Do you need a geography lesson? I think Pogo’s got a map -

Diego: Klaus.

#20: Oh Shit

Diego: If nothing lasts forever, will you be my nothing?

Klaus:

Klaus:

Klaus:

Klaus: *tears up* I’m nothing?

Diego: Oh no. No no no. No, baby, you’re not nothing, don’t cry, I’m so sorry, that’s not what I meant, baby - oh my god please don’t cry -

#21: You’ve Got Everything I’m Searching For

Diego: Is your name Google? Because -

Klaus: Diego. For the last time…

Klaus: My name is Kimberly Linda Aerealia Ulysses Saffron Hargreeves the Twenty-Fourth. I don’t know why I need to keep explaining this to you -

Diego, kissing him quiet: You’re my favorite person in the world, you know that?

#22: Don’t Make Bets You’ll Lose, Luther.

Diego: Luther bet me a hundred bucks I couldn’t talk to the prettiest person here. How do you wanna spend his money?

Klaus: Drugs.

Diego: Baby -

Klaus: *beams* Nah, I’m just kidding. Stuffed giraffes.

Diego: *grins* For Five?

Klaus: *nods* For Five.

Diego:

Klaus:

Diego: He’ll hate them.

Klaus: Exactly. Let’s go.

#23: Deja Vu

Diego: Have we met before?

Klaus: Yes. Obviously. Are you also high?

Diego: No -

Diego: Wait, you’re high?

Klaus:

Diego:

Klaus:

Diego:

Klaus: No?

#24: Such An Optimist

Diego: Are you a time traveller?

Klaus: No, that’s Five.

Diego: Cause I think you’re my future!

Klaus: *stares blankly*

Diego: No? Nothing? Nada?

Klaus: In the future we’re all dead dipshit.

Klaus: Because. Ya know.

Klaus: THERE’S A FUCKING APOCALYPSE COMING.

Diego:

Diego: Okay then.

#25: Please Go To The Hospital.

Diego: Are you my appendix? Cause my stomach’s fluttering and I think I should take you out.

Klaus:

Klaus: Did you drink water from the fish tank again?

Diego: *turning green* Luther dared me to okay???!!!!

#26: Suicidal Tendencies

Diego: Hey gorgeous -

Klaus: Let me guess. I should drop dead?

Diego: What?! No! Baby -

#27: Infinitely On The Naughty List (And Not The Good Kind Of Naughty List (If There Is One I’m Asexual I Don’t Know))

Diego: Are you Santa Klaus? Cause you make all my wishes come true.

Klaus:

Klaus:

Klaus:

Klaus: You have five seconds to run.

Diego: *already two streets away* Fucking shit -

#28: You Can’t Use That Every Time We Have An Argument, Tony.

Diego: Kiss me if I’m wrong, but dinosaurs still exist right?

Klaus: I mean, there’s one in the corner of our living room right now, so I guess?

Diego:

Diego:

Diego:

Diego: *squeaks* You - you can see dinosaur ghosts?

Klaus: I mean, there’s a chance that thing Ben’s petting is just a super deformed ostrich, but yeah, I think so.

Diego:

Diego:

Diego:

Diego: *tearing up* That’s so cool.

#29: A Whole New Kind Of Thirst Trap

Diego: I’m thirsty. But guess whose body is 75% water?

Diego: *smirks*

Klaus: *frowns*

Klaus: Hold on, I know this one…

Diego: Klaus -

Klaus: *snaps fingers* Oh, I know! Luther!

Diego: *horrified* What the fuck Klaus why the fuck would you say that -

#30: What A Tragedy

Diego: You must be a campfire. Because you’re super hot and I want s’more.

Klaus:

Klaus: Diego sweetheart, you’re allergic to marshmallows.

Diego: *tearing up* I know.

Klaus: You wanna hug, baby?

Diego: *crying* Yes please.

#31: That Can’t Be Allowed

Diego: Don’t tell me if you want me to take you out to dinner. Just smile for yes, or do a backflip/somersault/counter-spin gymnastics combination for no.

Klaus: *smirks*

Klaus: *does a triple flip and lands perfectly on the top of the bar counter*

Diego: *turns bright red* That was h-h-hot.

Klaus: *beams and jumps down into Diego’s arms bridal-style*

Klaus: *kisses his cheek* I know, baby.

#32: Merry Christmas

Diego: You’re the reason Santa started the Naughty List.

Klaus: *blinks*

Klaus: *pouts*

Klaus: No fair! He told me last week I was on the Nice List!

Diego: What? Klaus? What does that -

Diego: OH MY GOD KLAUS IS SANTA DEAD???!!!!

#33: I’ll Keep You Safe, Honey.

Diego: I lost my teddy bear. Will you sleep with me instead?

Klaus: *pulls out a stuffed tiger*

Klaus: He got lost in the kitchen. Don’t worry, I rescued him for you.

Diego: *takes soft tiger*

Diego: *voice cracks* Oh. Thanks.

Klaus: *kisses his forehead* You’re welcome, baby.

#34: Excuse Me?

Diego: The only thing your eyes haven’t told me is your name.

Klaus, internally: Shit. What if he finds out I stole like five of his knives and all of the cookies last week?

Klaus, externally: *blinks*

Klaus: Um… Stefonopolis?

#35: I Am Not Apologizing For This One

Diego: If you were a steak, you’d be well done.

Klaus: But I’m so unique…

Klaus: I talk to the dead, Diego.

Diego: Okay…?

Klaus: *smirks*

Klaus: So wouldn’t I be medium rare?

Ben: Ooooooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

#36: Leonardo Da Vinci Was Arrested Multiple Times For Homosexual Activity.

Diego: Is this a museum? Cause you’re a work of art.

Klaus: *dancing to the soundtrack of High School Musical 3* Actually Five took me back to Italy once. Leonardo da Vinci and I had some fun.

Diego:

Diego: Oh my god. Seriously?

Diego: *looks up picture of Mona Lisa, now titled Mona Klausa*

Diego: How the fuck -

#37: Why Would You Say That Though

Diego: Am I sleepwalking? Cause I’ve only seen you in my dreams.

Klaus: *sitting on the counter and eating a donut in one bite* Are they dirty?

Luther: *chokes on a pickle*

Diego: Oh my god no -

Diego: Well sometimes -

Diego: I mean no of course not -

Luther: *praying to whoever’s up there to just kill him already*

#38: Be Safe Kids!

Diego: Can you hold this for me?

Klaus: Sweetie, you need to wash your hands.

#39: Apocalypse Averted!

Diego: If looks could kill, you’d be a weapon of mass destruction.

Klaus: *blinks*

Klaus: I thought that was Vanya.

Diego:

Diego, panicking: Holy shit Klaus you can’t just say things like that -

Vanya: *crying from laughter*

#40: Attractive

Diego: Do you swallow magnets? Because you’re -

Klaus: *shoves him up against the wall*

Klaus: How did you find out? Who told you? Was it Ben? I swear to god I’ll kill him -

Diego: *squeaks* What?

#41: First You’ve Gotta Propose Diego

Diego: Wouldn’t we look cute on a wedding cake together?

Klaus: Diego. Did you buy me a cake?

Diego:

Klaus:

Diego:

Klaus: I’m waiting.

Diego: Right sir yes sir right away sir -

#42: He May Not Be A Kitten But He Is As Soft As One

Diego: If I followed you home, would you keep me?

Klaus: I’m homeless, Diego.

Diego: What? You are? Oh no, baby - you can come stay with me?

Klaus: *looks up from Disney Princess coloring book and raises an eyebrow* Is your bed available?

Diego, blushing: Ye-yeah, b-ba-baby. Whe-whenever you-u w-want.

Klaus: *smiles*

Klaus: *takes Diego’s hand*

Klaus: Okay.

Diego: *dies a little bit inside (in a good way)*

#43: It’s Just You.

Diego: Is it hot in here or is it just you?

Klaus, blushing: I -

Five: DIEGO. THE HOUSE IS ON FIRE. NOW IS NOT THE TIME.

#44: ‘Scuse Me, Mate?

Diego: You know, penguins mate for life. Wanna be my penguin?

Klaus: Eh. I’ve always been more of an iguana man.

Diego:

Diego:

Diego:

Diego: What?

#45: You Look Like… Antonio Banderas With The Long Hair.

Diego: How’s the most beautiful person in the world doing today?

Klaus: *buried in a Vogue magazine* I don’t know I’m not Antonio Banderas.

#46: What The Fuck Klaus

Diego: Do you have a map? I keep getting lost in your eyes.

Klaus: *hands him a Candyland board* Here. I stole it from Pogo.

#47: You Dumbass

Diego: I hate my last name. Can I borrow yours?

Klaus:

Klaus:

Klaus:

Klaus: We have the same last name, Diego.

Diego: *blinks*

Diego: Fuck you’re right -

#48: Okay But Diego Would Make A Great Aladdin Though

Diego: I’m not a genie, but I can still make your dreams come true.

Klaus: *wrinkles his nose*

Klaus: You can get me a pink elephant with jaundice?

Diego: *blinks*

Diego: What the fuck Klaus -

#49: HELLO

Diego: Is that a knife or are you just happy to see me?

Klaus: I don’t just have random knives on me Diego, I’m not you.

Diego: So you are happy to see me?

Klaus: I mean you just interrupted a very riveting episode of Sesame Street, so… we’ll see.

#50: It’s Always Best To Start With The Truth.

Diego: I love you.

Klaus: *beams* That’s all you had to say, darling.

[trivialoveclub]

hey hey hey ☺💖 i was tagged by 🍲 @lovejar 🍲 (ty bestie <3💐) to put my music on shuffle and list the first ten songs! 💃💫

▶️ life after salem : lil nas x "i can be your part time lover / our scars, they'll dance with eachother"

▶️ let me know : bts "you took away my stars at night you took away my sun at day only leaving me with the darkness of a single cold cloud"

▶️ the plug : party pupils, max, drelli "i got the pipes, no auto tone / say your shit is live, but your mic is mute"

▶️ retro future : triple h "retro future i got a sexy vibe"

▶️ i'm not sorry : dean, eric bellinger "i'm sorry no i'm not sorry i'm just getting started"

▶️ this is everything : grouplove "crawl to me inside, yeah, talk to me tonight, yeah fall into my eyes, yeah"

▶️ can you feel it : pentagon "the moment i saw you, i've been bewitched"

▶️ stranger : se so neon "do you know what it feels like to depart i spoke of something no one understood and between your unfocused eyes there was nowhere i could go"

▶️ nainainai : atarashii gakko! "every night, fed up with the incomprehensible study tokio / comparing everything, 50 meters race, ready-set-go"

▶️ glow in the dark : nell "if i fall a thousand times i'll get back up a million times"

tagging these babes 💕: @deadeyedgf @tr1vialove @m8nstruck @unefleurofferte @star99 @alevchaan @chickenooodlehope @7lesbian @healr