#trigger wanring

[cheap-spirits]

Okay rough post here so feel free to scroll past i just need to get thoughts out

Trigger warning for suicidal thoughts and suicide attempts (not myself for once but still will be mentioned) ((put under a cut so you dont need to be subjected to it))

So i work in a shop in a hospital (not gonna be more specific dont want to be doxxed or stalked) and i started work at 2:30 yesterday. When i got in one of my managers told me there was a woman who has been threatening to jump off the ledge of the stairs at the main concourse (literally next to the shop and the way to the exit) she had been there twice before i showed up, and then it happened two more times while i was working. This is a clear cry for help and somehow the hospital staff and security allowed her to leave the ward three times after the original incident. They even let her walk out of the building where she walked in front of busses in an attempt to get them to hit her. I am absolutely heartbroken for her and the absolute lack of support she was receiving. The first time it happened while i was on shift i was actually heading back to the shop and walked past, i had no idea what was happening and was horrified that the staff were letting a massive group walk past when there was an alternative route through the cafe. This then broke my heart further and something snapped in my mind and when i next went to the stock room i absolutely broke down, i dont know if it was because ive felt that hopelessness before, if i was so upset at the lack of support she was getting, or just too many emotions and it broke the dam.

So i pulled myself together got back to the shop resolved to just keep busy and push my emotions away, and then my manager comes up and asks if im okay after seeing what happened, i say not really but keep working, then have to go serve a customer, and the dam breaks again and i have to run off the shop floor. This time i think it was from seeing everyone act as if she was a raving lunatic or an attention seeker.

The rest of my shift goes by okay, but 30 minutes before we close it happens again, my manager was taking stock down and he is the one who finds her and phone’s security, he comes back and says to me dont leave the shop floor, and a pit opens in my gut, but i keep busy and hold it together, somehow theyre still letting people walk past her and customers are walking into the shop, nurses and the like, who kept talking about her, so i resolutely ignored them. My manager comes back in, there’s security hanging around outside the shop finally trying to get people to hang back (naturally isnt working) and then she comes into the shop with the security.

The way the security was speaking to her was fucking awful, it was as if they wanted to get her out of their sight as soon as humanly possible. But i was there for literally 30 seconds before my manager passes me his pack of cigarettes and tells me to go for a smoke and i run out the shop before i either breakdown again or scream at security.

Anyway still feel shit today, still hope she has got the help she needs, and i am absolutely disgusted in the hospitals actions in letting this happen three times. For once im glad i was on shift with my manager cause for all his flaws he is a trained mental health first aider and knew i was not okay and did what he could to support me, if i was on with anyone else it wouldve been possibly the worst shift of my life

[how-gross]

September 5th, 2023

God I am not your strongest soldier please stop testing me

[xiakiyama]

di po ako okay

𝙰𝚕𝚕 𝚃𝚘𝚘 𝚆𝚎𝚕𝚕 (𝙱𝚊𝚍𝚊 𝙻𝚎𝚎 𝚡 𝚁𝚎𝚊𝚍𝚎𝚛) 𝙿𝚝.1

𝚂𝚢𝚗𝚘𝚙𝚜𝚒𝚜: 𝙰𝚏𝚝𝚎𝚛 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚏𝚒𝚗𝚊𝚕𝚕𝚢 𝚐𝚛𝚊𝚍𝚞𝚊𝚝𝚎𝚍 𝚒𝚗 𝚌𝚘𝚕𝚕𝚎𝚐𝚎, 𝙱𝚊𝚍𝚊 𝚍𝚎𝚌𝚒𝚍𝚎𝚍 𝚝𝚘 𝚝𝚊𝚔𝚎 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚝𝚘 𝚑𝚎𝚛 𝚑𝚘𝚖𝚎𝚝𝚘𝚠𝚗 𝚜𝚘 𝚜𝚑𝚎 𝚌𝚊𝚗 𝚒𝚗𝚝𝚛𝚘𝚍𝚞𝚌𝚎 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚝𝚘 𝚑𝚎𝚛 𝚏𝚊𝚖𝚒𝚕𝚢 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚌𝚕𝚘𝚜𝚎 𝚏𝚛𝚒𝚎𝚗𝚍𝚜.

𝚆𝚊𝚛𝚗𝚒𝚗𝚐𝚜: slight angst and start of toxic relationship 🥹🥹

(A/N: im so nervous and happy to be finally uploading this piece here in tumblr 🥹🥹 ive been thinking about this for so long and finally had the courage to upload it now)

Prologue | Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 |

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It's been a week since you graduated in college and it still felt like a dream to you. You're one step closer to your dreams and how can you ever forget that day? It was the same day that Bada finally asked you out to be her girlfriend after knowing each other for a year. You couldn't believe your luck to have all your hard work finally pay off and to have such a gorgeous girl to be yours. It's like you've won the lottery.

"Baby, I have a surprise for youuu.." Bada said with a grin on her face and you looked at her, curiosity visible on your face which made her grin even more. You're hanging out in her apartment since you have nothing else to do and you're just waiting for a response from all the companies you've applied to, not that you're way too worried about it since you had other plans if no one responds.

"What is it?" you asked and she placed two plane tickets to Korea on the coffee table that made your eyes go wide and for you to hug her tight. Despite being Korean like her, you grew up in the states since your family migrated before you were even born. So going to Korea with Bada will be your first time there and you're thrilled.

"We're gonna go to Korea, go to my hometown and maybe introduce you to my family and close friends." she says and you couldn't stop yourself from kissing her. You're overjoyed. So many emotions are playing in your head. You're happy that you get to go to Korea, happy that she's going to introduce you to family and friends but also worried that they're not gonna accept you since you barely speak and understand Korean and don't know much about the culture.

Days pass and both of you are busy buying gifts for her parents, packing your things and last minute checking. You're ecstatic and Bada is happy seeing you get all excited. She loves how adorable you look and would often tell you so. She'd take you out on little dates, give you lots of love and just doing her best to make you feel loved. You loved it yet there's a small voice at the back of your head that kept saying it's a bit weird but you pushed it away as overthinking considering you came from toxic and abusive relationships.

"Alright, ready for our flight baby?" Bada asked and you nodded eagerly. You just arrived at the airport with her and she was holding your hand the whole time which made you feel giddy and loved. You gave her hand a gentle squeeze as you and her begin your adventure together.

The trip was long yet it was all worth it. When you landed, you were in awe. Everything is so different from the states, it's definitely a shock for you and you're just thankful that Bada is there to help you. She did the talking, navigating and just made your life much easier for you. When you were inside the cab, Bada turned a bit to talk to you since she said it's gonna take a while to reach her parents house which you didn't mind at all.

"Baby.. I know this will sound like shit but can we keep it low-key at my parents' house? Like we're gonna act like best friends while we're there since they're pretty traditional and don't really accept us as a couple yet. But don't worry, I will slowly talk to them about us so they'll be more open minded about us." Bada says and you feel your heart break from her words. You looked at her, trying to reassure yourself that your girlfriend is just playing a joke on you but the look on her face says otherwise. You wanted to cry, you wanted to get out of the cab and go back to the states but you forced yourself to think rationally. You took deep breaths and sighed, nodding your head. What else can you really do in this situation? You're already here, yeah it hurts but you also didn't want to ruin the trip for Bada.

"Alright.. But we'll talk more about this when we go back to the states." you said sternly and she nodded, placing kisses all over your face and saying sorry for putting you through the situation you're about to go through.

You finally arrived at her parents' house and they were waiting for you outside. Her parents welcomed you warmly and they even had a meal set up for you and Bada, saying that both of you must be starving from such a long trip which is quite true. Seeing the feast in front of you, you were amazed. Bada would always order Korean food or take you to a Korean restaurant, having authentic homemade ones really hits differently. Bada talked to her parents mostly while also translating stuff for you and you would also make an effort to talk to them in Korean to which Bada's parents really appreciated. It was fun, you felt happy that you forgot the pain you felt earlier when you were with Bada in that cab.

You both rested for a bit after the meal since Bada told you that she'll drive you around the neighborhood so you can fully enjoy Korea's beauty since the fall season has already begun. You didn't talk to her that much, you're still pretty upset from earlier and what made you more upset is she didn't try to talk to you. You were about to contact your best friend just to vent out when Bada took your phone and tossed it on the bed before kissing your lips. It's like she didn't want you to talk to anyone regarding her odd behaviour.

"What the fuck?" was all you could say after pulling away from her kiss and she looked at you, her eyes getting all sad and you strangely felt guilty even though you didn't do anything wrong.

"You're still upset.. I'm sorry.. I really wanted to introduce you to them as my girlfriend but then they won't welcome you and I don't want that to happen.." she says and hugs you, resting her chin on your shoulder.

"Yeah I'm still upset but what can I do, really? We're already here. Might as well stick to your plan until we get back to the states then we'll sort this out." you told her and she nodded, placing a kiss on your cheek.

She took you out that afternoon, driving around the neighborhood and taking you to the places she used to go to. Bada's really doing her best to make you feel loved, to make you feel special until you forget everything that happened earlier. You loved the affection you're getting from her. It got you thinking that maybe she's really making up for this whole situation and that everything will be okay eventually. You're really hoping for things to go well eventually for you and Bada.

"And this is where I usually grab dinner during my highschool days with my friends. They sell the best fried chicken here and their kimchi is to die for." Bada raves as she pulls you inside a small restaurant. You couldn't help but smile at how cute she is. You gave her hand a small squeeze as you followed her. You were busy looking around and bumped into her when she suddenly stopped. You were about to ask her why she stopped when you saw a guy in front of you and Bada.

"Who's this pretty girl with you, Bada?" the guy asked and you looked at Bada, confused. She smiles at you, before facing the guy again.

"Hey Howl. This is Y/N, my girlfriend." Bada said coolly and the guy just chuckled, shaking his head in amusement like he couldn't believe that you're Bada's girlfriend.

"I'm hurt, Bada. You didn't break up with me properly and now you're back with a girlfriend? Will this make us a trio now? Do we have an alternating schedule?" Howl teased and Bada just shoved Howl out of the way, not saying anything. You're stunned by the interaction and wanted to ask Bada what that was about but from the look on her face, you're sure that you won't be getting any real answers soon. You could feel your heart sink, the person you thought you knew might be hiding a secret from you. Maybe not just a secret, maybe you don't really know who the real Bada is.

[victhesmallestclown]

I have a question why do people trigger wanring for capital letters

[valleyofroses]

Yearning hearts

┏━━━━━━༻❁༺━━━━━━┓

┗━━━━━━༻❁༺━━━━━━┛

Summery : when a grave mistake is made, what else can you do other than wishing upon stars?

Characters : Dormleaders

Content warnings : spoilers(chapter1,6), angst, self-criticism, depression

a/n : I must admit this isn't what I expected but I hope you can enjoy it. If there is anything I missed(trigger wanring, etc)please notify me <3

𝑅𝑖𝑑𝑑𝑙𝑒 𝑅𝑜𝑠𝑒ℎ𝑒𝑎𝑟𝑡𝑠

Riddle always looks forward. What happened in the past is in the past, it can't be changed.

Yet he keeps on looking back to the time you vanished. How and why exactly did you disappear? What would have happened if he didn't leave your side? If he stuck by your side till the very end? Would you be here right now ? In his arms?

He lays in bed, thinking about what he could've done.

Everything reminds him of you. And it's not nice. They are not nice thoughts. Where are you? Are you safe? You might be scared, you don't know anywhere in this world !-

Whenever he lays on his bed, he can feel it. It's so wrong for you to not be there, forbidden even.

He feels lonely. You were his home, why did you disappear? Did you feel like this when you first got here? Did you feel this ache everyday? How did you handle it?

He stays awake in his bed late at night, regreting every single decision until his heart begins to ache and tears start to soak his pillow.

Did this happen because he didn't follow the rules? Maybe his mother was right after all, maybe he should've just followed the rules he should've-

One night when he can't sleep, even after crying, he looks at the stars and sees a shooting star and the tears start to fall again.

"Please come back ."

𝐿𝑒𝑜𝑛𝑎 𝐾𝑖𝑛𝑔𝑠𝑐ℎ𝑜𝑙𝑎𝑟

He sleeps as much as before and doesn't attend classes. Leona is the same.

Except he isn't. No one notices the way he sleeps more than usual, the dark small circles under his eyes, the fact that he doesn't talk to anyone anymore.

He didn't expect for your disappearance to effect him that much. He didn't expect the empty feeling in his heart. Like something precious has been taken away from him.

His dreams are all about you. Every single one of them.

In some, his head is in your lap. He sees you stroking his hair while telling him about your day. Yet this time he doesn't nag you to stop talking so he could sleep. He can't get enough of your voice.

But then he wakes up. Realizing it's all a cruel dream.

In some, he is all alone. Walking in darkness calling out your name, desperately trying to find you but to no avail.

He wakes up from those dreams terrified. They have his heart racing, beating hard enough to tear itself out of his chest.

Not paying any attention to the sweat and tears mixed on his skin, he gasps. Please please please where are you?

In one of his dreams he sees a shooting star. Leona doesn't believe in it nor in its miracles, but it’s the only thing offering some hope, and so he wishes upon the star.

It upsets him to not see you everyday. To not see your smile, to not hear about the stupid things you did with Ace and Duece.

What a cruel world, hasn't he suffered enough?

𝐴𝑧𝑢𝑙 𝐴𝑠ℎ𝑒𝑛𝑔𝑟𝑜𝑡𝑡𝑜

Azul doesn't let it show. In order to trick people, in order to survive, in order to get information, he must not let it effect him-

He cries in the solitude of his octopot for hours, thinking about you. Just what if he is never going to see you again? All he wants is to be with you again. He can't sleep at all, he is scared of the nightmares that haunt him. But some nights are just... different. It has a very dreamy atmosphere, like he is on the clouds and the sound of the waves are lulling him to sleep. And those are the nights he dreams of you. Not a nightmare, an actual dream. Both of you having a picnic near the sea, the sun shining brightly and you both are happy. He looks at the way your eyes shine and the wind brushes your hair. Those nights he gets to sleep comfortably.

In one of his dreams you are both looking at the reflection of the sky on the water. He is thinking about you, about how much he missed your smile until you tell him to make a wish. " A shooting star just passed be quickmake a wish!" And before he could answer you he wales up.

He reaches for you, and you're not there. It wakes gim up immediately, once again proving him that he was just dreaming. He usually wakes up in the middle of the night or in the early morning. When it's a a nightmare he wakes up all sweaty struggling to breathe. Then the chaos in his mind starts. Are you safe? Are you scared?How did you exactly disappear? You didn't know how to cast a spell like that. When did you disappear? Was it in the middle of the-

He is determined to find you. No one and nothing is going to stop him. He will resort to anything in order to reach hid goal, even if that means making a deal with god.

𝐾𝑎𝑙𝑖𝑚 𝐴𝑙 𝐴𝑠𝑖𝑚

It's almost like evryday lfe for him. Almost. It takes a little longer for him to get out of bed in the morning. Jamil enters his room, thinking that Kalim overslept again, but then he sees Kalim just scaring at the ceiling and it scares him. The way that Kalim's eyes are so empty scares him. The parties are not like they used to be. They are quiet, unusually quiet.

There are nights that Kalim just disappears into thin air. Kalim goes on ride with his magical carpet, looking at stars, watching the sands shine beneath and then suddenly he sees a shooting star. He makes his wish and wonders what wish would you make if you were here. He stays alone in the sky for a little longer. Praying to the stars to guide you home.

When he sees Jamil back at the dorm, he falls apart. Throwing himself in the arms of his friend, his body shaking like a leaf.

In the midnight wakes up from the nightmares, gasping for air. They never leave, even for a night. He doesn't know what to do, his heart is beating wildly in his chest, he can't control his breathing, just what is happening to him- Kalim falls back asleep after the commotion, he is so tired he can't stay awake anymore. When he wakes up in the morning, he is paralyzed. What happened last night? What was that? Kalim doesn't know if he can go through that again. He just needs you there with him. To hold him and tell him everything is okay.

𝑉𝑖𝑙 𝑆𝑐ℎ𝑜𝑒𝑛ℎ𝑒𝑖𝑡

Vil is devastated. He doesn't know what to do anymore.

He still attends the classes, gets good grades, he lives his normal life. But he's just... not himself anymore, there is something wrong.

He doesn't have the energy to scold Epel anymore. After he's done with his tasks he goes straight to his room.

When he's alone he finally let's himself breakdown after keeping up the facade for the whole day.He let silent tears fall from his eyes like a waterfall, grips his hair so hard just to try and numb the pain in his heart.

You were always there to hold him during the tough times. Always there to help him heal and comfort him. Why wasn't he there when you needed him? Where was he when your whole body was filled with despair and fear?

He can't do anything without thinking about you anymore. He opens his book in order to study, and everything's fine until he reaches that one cursed sentence you always laugh at. And the sound of your laugh echos in his mind. It reminds him of the times you two spent together, doing skincare, baking sweets and alot more.

He gets lost in the memories. It when a small tear falls down on the book that he notices he's been thinking about you instead of studying.

Late at night just before he goes to sleep, he looks at a painting of you two that you painted yourself. It soothes the pain in his chest. That's when he takes one last look at the sky before going to sleep. There's a shooting star. Vil wishes that next time he sees one you're by his side.

He knows you won't give him up, he knows wherever you are, you'll find your way back to him. And he won't give you up either, nothing is more important than you in his world. Vil doesn't lose hope. He believes in you, he knows you'll come back to him. And then you two will be whole again.

𝐼𝑑𝑖𝑎 𝑆ℎ𝑟𝑜𝑢𝑑

Why? Why does he have to go through these things? First Ortho and now-. Idia doesn't come out of his room anymore, what's the point? He doesn't get to see you anymore. Ortho is the same, he misses you so much that he can't go a day without watching the memories of you three spending time together. But for the sake of his older brother he still tries to be happier.

Idia refuses to believe that you are gone. He still waits for you to come to the gaming sessions, waits for you so you guys can watch the new anime together, he still waits for you to knock on that cursed door and say that you were sorry for keeping him waiting. But one day, while waiting for you he looks at the controller that you used, and that's when he realizes you are not coming back. No matter how much he waits for you.

And that's when the voices in his head get louder than ever. Idia doesn't want to losten to them, he doesn't want to think that you're gone, he doesn't want to think that you're dead, you're not gone! You're just-. He doesn't want to listen to the voices anymore. So he plays your favorite anime and put on his headphones so he can't hear anything else.

The screen of his computer is black and he can see his reflection. He stares at it for so long, has it been an hour already? How much time has passed? And all he can think about is what went wrong? What led to this situation? He could just build a robot ! That sounds right- but could he really? Could he create all the beauty and emotions you had?

The last scene of the episode comes, the two lovers finally together and a shooting star passing, sealing their happily ever after together. Why couldn't that be you two?

𝑀𝑎𝑙𝑙𝑒𝑢𝑠 𝐷𝑟𝑎𝑐𝑜𝑛𝑖𝑎

At night, when he can't handle being alone, he visits ramshackle, in hopes tgat you might've returned. But everything is so quiet. Ramshackle is so quiet and dead without you. Wherever he looks there is a layer of dust. Malleus can see you in everything but you yourself are nowhereto be seen, your clothes, your favorite books on the desk, thw painting on your canvas is also left undone. Certainly you were here, these are all memories of you, but why are you not here? The silence goes away when he sits on your bed and looks at the mirror. Malleus looks at his reflection, his hand under his glossy eyes, tears falling like a waterfall, his hair shining under the moonlight.

And then it's suddenly too loud tk be able to think. Why does he have to be all alone? Why did you leave? What did he do wrong? Malleus just wanted to be loved? And malleus keeps on crying until the sun rises.

Malleus roams the halls of ramshackle, finding comfort looking at the home you built for yourself. It also feels like home to him. Somewhere he can be vulnerable, Somewhere he can he himself. Free of all responsibilities, Malleus can finally be himself.

Malleus spends his days and nights at ramshackle, you might not be there, but that doem itself is a memory of you. It might not be home to him, yet it still carries your remnants of your soul. Malleus takes care of everything in your absence, such as watering the flowers. It reminds him of the times he helped you take care of the garden. He also takes pictures of anything that interests him, so he could show it to you when you come back and you two can have another long session about what you're going to do on your next date.

Malleus would wait for you forever, if that means you come back to him. Laying on your bed, looking at the stars, a shooting star passing, making a wish wouldn't hurt, right?

[caitlin444sh]

introduction

name- Caitlin Ashlyn or Ash i don't mind :)

age- MINOR

sexual orientation- demi girl or NB still figuring it out lol and either bi or les ><

gender- Female or NB

pronouns- she/they

music tastes-greenday, chase Atlantic, slipknot, Metallica, girl in red, Lana del ray, ICP and more but im lazy

interests- gore :3 sh, mysteries, harry potter, deadly class, counting calories, womens, CAI, wattpad, AO3, horses, killing myself, my mates, energy drinks, smoking, drinking,

TRIGGER WANRINGS-SH ED AND VENTS

about meeee- im a minorrr (do not strike a cord :( )i love all my gay my babys. im autistic and have other disorders that ii do not wish to clarify please dont block just report this is my only safe space!

!DNI! pedos, zoophiles, forced recovery poeple, pro life bitches, old men, homophobes, transphobes, ableists, racists, just basic shit

[romanarose]

I over tag my fics. In the wanrings I put everything in there that could possibly be triggering or make someone not want to read but honestly, It's not my job to warn everything.

Tag non con/dub con. Tag smut. tag impact play, yandere, attempted sa, domestic violence etc.

But I'm sorry, if you find a fic tagged smut, do not be shocked to finger fingering.

If you read non con, do not be shocked to find manipulation.

If its tagged impact play, dont come surprised when it's spanking. Every little thing cannot be possibly tagged.

What triggers me isnt non con but a v specific thing that I could never expect someone to tag.

Use discression, use critical thinking, and forethought. Im all for properly tagging but christ, the world cannot cater to you.

[pineappleciders]

I just saw your OC drawings post and damn, they look cool! I'd love to hear more about them (if you want). :)

-🪐

erm. yes please.

tw for some maybe dark topics like eds and menyal health. also school shootings. also huge infodump wanring.

this is MAX hes 13 and i think they r my favorite. he is non binary and uses he/they and alex is his bff. theyre kinda like edd from eddsworld personality wise. like theyre the main character and kind but also sarcastic and likes to pull pranks. i love him so dearly. he is bisexual

he is african and has two moms. max is rolling with the lgbt. them and alex have a very sibling like bond as they met when they were young and maxs family took alex in as if she wwre their own. they didnt adopt her her parents r just so neglectful that they judt took care of her. they are the bestest friends ever.

max deals with a toxic relationship during thhe show (its basically this show i made up in my head so im gonna say show) whereas this guy takes advantege of them and it fucks them up big tome. and theo is sad the entire time because he has feelings for max. more about theo down below!!!!vv

the one on the left is alex!!! shes 13 she has black hair dyed pink on the ends and shes autistic and obsessed with bombs and shes trigger-happy. shes like kind of obsessed with violent stuff but she radiates sunshine and shes literally batshit insane but i love her. she is a lesbian as seen from this photo

she is half filipino and half mexican. her father is absent and her mom is lowkey neglectful as fuck. shes also missing an eye and wears an eye badnage rhing. she dealth with lots of bullying when she was younger and actually is very dangerous she shiuld be locked up.

one on the right is sam and shes a trans lesbian. she is really kind and nice and uust goes along with everyone, but she has like a dark side n lets her walls down around her gf alex and her friends. she struggles with mental health issues and is also autistic and has a hard time showing her emotiosn and speaking. she can be serious sometimes and its kinda scary how she switches from being dark and brooding to all nice and talkative. basically she masks super hard but shes a rlly good person i love her.

she has an eating disorder. i havent decided what one but she struggles with body dysmorphia and body dysphoria. she is struggling all over

she has dark dark brown locs with gold rings in them. she has dark skin and usually wears a yellow tank top, a purple jacket and blue jeans + white shoes. pastel color scheme

sam again ^

this is theo i have way more photos of him but im too tored to go get them. hes 14 and trans and gay and i lvor him. hes kind of the smart one think tom from eddsworld. he has a goofy side thoigh and really cherishes his friends. he is autisitc too and he behaves very differently from how he thinks. he doesnt mean to come off as rude and cold but he cant help it. basically i am projecting very hard. i love him.

he has grey hair and green eyes and tan skin. his mom is white and his dad is black so he is mixed. his roots are a dark brown

he has some family issues and lives in a low-income house. he is so cool thougj i love him.

basically theyre all Utistic and go on wacky adventures Nd theyre all frienfs. theres more characters in the story and i will post them when they get named. anyways ive made like a future au for them, there are two different 'endings'for the story ive deciided

basically one is like they all be normal and max starts a company and gets all successful and alex is like super tech savvy and mechanical so shes like a worker for him and he pays her and theyre like a business duo. and theo is like a successful scientist too and i think sam is something idk but i have a deisgn for her and shes all goth snd pretty but idk what she does in tje fuyute.

the other ending (bad endging warning!!) is alex (the really unstable and trigger happy one) loses it and shoots up their school. she goes to prison for a long time and max and her friends are really bretrayed. and then they meet in the future when she gets release and their friendship is never the same and. its justnlike really angsty and sad and it makes me sad and i feel like its mean to put them througj that so i consider the ending where they grow up happy as the canon one. i still like the idea of alex going crazy so ill probably make some stuff for that

anyways tjx for listening i LOVE my ocs and i never get to talk about them. probably gonna post them more because of this. this post took 30 minutes to weite

[smileymoth]

ed / nutritionists/ sh whatever

I am so easily triggered by food talk its ridiculous. i hear anyone mention food plans diet plans calories nutrionists healthy eating clean eating intermediate fastign etc etc etc etc any food related topics and i just instantly shrivel up and want to end it right then and there. I told my mom can we not talk about food at newyears when i had a panic attack over grocery shopping and she still does it i hate it. I dont want to talk about food please let me be a trainwreck in peace i dont want a random healthnut nutritionist to tell me what to and what to not eat im already so miserable on a day to day basis let me have food i actually enjoy eating please i know i get mad triggered over food in general for fuck sakes i had a panic attack over a bowl of rice while my friend looked at me weird i dont need more anxiety over food since im already so picky and not capable of making food for myself most of the times. I knwo im a bastard who is unhealthy i know it probably affects psoriasis but have you considered that maybe being severely depressed also influences that. It only flared up again after my dad died it was gone for a few years already and now its back better than ever and now my mom is on my back about healthy eating and movement like mom im trying please leave me alone i already have anxiety over food i dont need more of it i really dont i really dont i really dont i really dont i need a psychologist not a nutritionist but i cant fuciifn have that i cant even have a psychiatrist i want to go back to collegetown already and ive only been home for an hour and 30 minutes i want to go back i hate being here i wish it was like back in highschool i dont cqre that dad was mad at me if i went to sleep 5 minutes too late or that i ****** myself out of fear of food bc i cant stand people seeing me eat i still cant i still freak out when i eat "too much" becqyse i eont kbow what a normal portion is i cant have a fuckinf nutritionist tell me what to do id actually harm myself over it bc id just seevmyself as an obeast lazy bastard who cant stick to plansbecause theyre probably all fucjign annoying white women who weigh 1 cigarette and a single grape bx theyre so healthy and fit and never eat sugar ever am i overrreactign absolurely do i care absolutely not because i am fucked up in the brain and i dotn want people to help me wirh this because i am slowly getting better with healthier eating and if someone tried to monitor it id harm myself i want to go back to my apartment i dont wanr to be here i hate how it happens every time i go home i dont want to talk about food i dont want ro ralk about health i just want to come home and feel happy but i cant because my dad will never be here again and my mom is stressed and tired from work and my grandma is chronically ill forever and my aunt is somehow even more paranoid than i am and is slowly losing her mind because she worries so much. I want my fucking therapist back i hate everything so much iwish i wasnt a mentally ill cunt with issues that make my mom worry for me. Dont worry about me just leave me alone leave me the fuck alone . I want to leeaaaaaaavveeeeeeeeee

[azuramarigold]

Banner credit to https://saradika.tumblr.com/

Cursed Energy gif credit to https://ko-fi.com/setermd/shop

Summary:

The kidnappers have Yuji in a rock and a hard place where he has no choice but to let go and let the King of Curses do what he was born to do. Nanami manages to get to the source of the explosion, but he does not like what he had encountered, getting himself into another fight that he rather not had dealt with.

Notes:

** TRIGGER WANRING! ** - there is mention of a child being harmed. This part is juicy with another fight coming up!

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Note: On AO3 it has the proper fonts to distinguish Sukuna's dialog with the other characters.

Despite me trying to change fonts on Tumblr, it makes the whole paragraph different, I have went to changing colors instead.

Chapter 6: Incarnation

Yuji was yanked from his slumber forcibly, his arm nearly popping from its socket.

            “OW!” he yelped.

            “Quiet!” the one man snapped. “God, kids are so annoying…” he then griped.

            Yuji was then tossed to the ground, his face smacking against the rough concrete. His lips quivered, him feeling the scrape as his skin was rubbed off.

            “Hey, Teruto, don’t you think you’re being rough with him?” the one subordinate asked hesitantly. “I mean… he is the Vessel of Sukuna after all, it’s like you’re messing with Lord Sukuna’s body…”

            The first man, Teruto, clenched his jaw. “I don’t remember asking for your opinion, Soukou!” he snarled. “Now, get me the other two Fingers!”

        What the actual fuck are these imbeciles thinking they’re about to do?

        Yuji slowly got up from the ground, his body shaking.

            I’m scared, Kuna…

            They’re pathetic compared to me, don’t worry about them.

        They’re gonna hurt me again…

            Inside the Innate Domain, Sukuna scowled. The Brat was correct on that assumption, the loyal “followers” were going to hurt him again. Sukuna wasn’t pleased with this outcome. After all, if the Brat dies from their idiocy, he would just be dormant again until some other fool becomes a vessel.

            Right?

            Brat… if they force you to eat those Fingers… do not resist the power. Let me in control and I’ll take care of them.

        Yuji felt his body stiffen.

            Wouldn’t… that hurt me…?

            Again, the Brat was correct. For a five-year-old he had the best survivor’s instinct; Sukuna was impressed with that.

            You’re a lot stronger than I originally gave credit for … I’m only going to borrow your body for a few minutes to let off that extra Cursed Energy, and you get it back. That way, we’re both okay. Sounds like a plan … ?

        “The hell are you spacing out for, kid!?” Teruto screamed at Yuji before yanking him up by his arm again. Yuji was now flailing his legs as he felt his arm being tugged from his socket.

            “LET ME GO!” Yuji screamed with a combination of fear and pain.

            POP! POP!

            His arm went limp, and a surge of pain flourished through his arm, shoulder, and elbow, his arm tingling as numbness touched his fingers.  Yuji began screaming and flailing his legs more, desperately trying to kick Teruto to get away. Tears stung his eyes as he even tried to use his free hand to claw at his captor.

            “Damn it, kid! Will you STOP FIGHTING!?” Teruto shouted as he threw Yuji back to the ground.

            Yuji felt the back of his head crack into the concrete, his vision darkening for a split second as the sounds around him became disoriented. His cries became louder as more pain surged through him. He couldn’t fight back anymore as Teruto grabbed his face and forced one of the Fingers into his mouth and shoved it to the back of his throat.

            The boy gagged and coughed, but just as before, his mouth and nose were covered so he was forced to swallow. The burning sensation from the tattoos showed back up onto his skin, the resonance pulsating in his stomach. Yuji didn’t even have a chance to scream before the second Finger was shoved into his mouth and he was forced to swallow.

            Brat, remember what I said…

        Yuji stopped fighting… he just let closed his eyes and let his body go limp.

***

Sukuna felt the raging and pulsating power of his Cursed Energy returning from the two Fingers being forced into the boy.

            He could also tell that the amount of Cursed Energy being built up suddenly into the Brat was too much and it was going to degrade him to ashes if he didn’t do something. Luckily, the Brat had a survival instinct and listened to the much wiser sorcerer and stopped fighting the power and let Sukuna’s soul take over.

            This is going to be the best damn few minutes of my life, I swear.

***

“Hey, the tattoos are staying!”

            “Yeah, I know, dumbass!”

            His eyes blinked open, and after over a millennium, Sukuna felt something against his skin. Real clothes. A floor beneath him.

            The blood boiling rage within him.

            “So, you two are the bastards that hurt my nephew, huh?” Sukuna sneered, feeling a Cheshire cat smile spreading on his face. His voice was the same as it always had been, deep and powerful - it must’ve sounded so odd coming from a five-year-old child’s body.

            “L-Lord Sukuna! We are just humb-!”

            THUMP!

            Teruto’s words were cut off as a clean slice was made through his head. The top half of his head slid off cleanly and fell to the ground. His body followed suit with a crash. His subordinate, Soukou, stood there with his mouth agape and trembling.

           Sukuna only waved a hand and Soukou was suddenly a pile of cubes, blood exploding in the room.

            Sukuna realized as he walked out of the room the Brat was held captive in that he could not move his right arm, it was the one that had the shoulder and elbow popped out of their sockets. He quickly popped them both back in with little effort and with his Reverse Curse Technique he made sure the pain and swelling subsided; he even healed the scrape that was on his face.

            He made a mental note on the time that he had left, which wasn’t much, he didn’t want to keep the Brat’s body for too long. Sukuna still needed to burn off that extra Cursed Energy, he just needed to so when he and the Brat swapped back the Cursed Energy didn’t kill the kid. A devilish smile spread on his lips as he ran at a high speed through the building, finding the rest of the loyal “followers” and executed them on the spot.

            Their screams were music to his ears as their body parts fell to the ground as he Cleaved and Dismantled; while he wished he could use his Domain Expansion, it would be too much to use at this time. Blood rained heavily… how he wished to add the sweet blood to an aged wine with a roasted man’s leg, but he knew the Brat wouldn’t be able to stomach something like that. Such a shame to waste this meat and blood… but it had to be done.

            Sukuna then conjured a flame in his hands as he made an arrow before firing it toward the van that had kidnapped the Brat in the first place once he made it toward the garage of the facility he was in. As soon as the fire arrow contacted the blasted thing, the van combusted along with tanks of gasoline that were stored near the vehicle. Large explosions filled the area along with screams of the survivors he left as they began to burn alive, turning into charcoal before him.

            “And that is why… I am the King of Curses!”

***

Yuji was curled up in someone’s arms.

            He blinked his eyes open in confusion, seeing that he was outside in the dark, but there was a large fire from a building. The person that was holding him was huffing and puffing, sweat pouring down his face, his blonde hair dirty and plastered to the side of his face.

            “Um… hi…?” Yuji greeted lamely with a small, timid voice.

            The person holding him immediately jumped, almost dropping him.

            “Oh, sh-! I mean… Hi…” the young man greeted back, clearly startled.

            Yuji tilted his head to the side and blinked. “Are you okay…?” he asked.

            “Huh…!?” the man shrieked, his hazel eyes wide with disbelief. “How are you asking me if I’m okay!?”

            Yuji shrugged. “You look tired,” he pointed out. He then managed to wriggle out of the man’s arms and stood up. He then moved his arm around, giving a small hum that it didn’t hurt. “Did you fix my arm? It doesn’t hurt anymore.”

            The man looked at him in confusion. “Huh…? N-No, I didn’t…” he replied hesitantly.

            “Oh,” Yuji said, his mouth in the shape of an “O”. “Maybe it was Kuna.” He then shrugged it off as if it were no big deal. “I’m Yuji Itadori!” he then introduced with an upbeat voice. “I’m five-years-old! I can count to twenty! And I like tigers!” He then smiled brightly.

            The man before him only looked at him completely baffled. “Um… yeah, I know who you are…” he said with a sigh.

            “You have the same symbol on your buttons that Minori had on her dress thingy!” Yuji shouted in excitement as he pointed at the buttons on the man’s collar.

            “Yeah, I’m from the same type of school… I just go to the school in Tokyo,” the man explained lightly.

            Yuji smiled. “What’s your name?” he asked.

            “Kento Nanami,” he replied. “I was sent by the school to find you…”

            “Nanamin?”

            “Nana-mi,” Nanami corrected, his voice emphasizing the last portion of his last name. He sounded slightly irritated.

            “Nanamin!” Yuji squealed happily while clapping his hands.

            Nanami only sighed as he stood up from the ground, his balance wavering. His dark navy uniform was cut in multiple places and some spots were stained heavily in a dark red. He winced as he took a few steps, but he gritted his teeth.

            “How did you get hurt…?” Yuji asked gently.

            “You,” Nanami instantly replied. He then winced, realizing that he said something that he shouldn’t have said. “I mean, well, it wasn’t you, it was-”

            “Kuna…?” Yuji suggested. He then scowled and furrowed his brows while crossing his arms. “Hey! Meanie Kuna! Why did you hurt him!?”

            Yuji felt the familiar tingling sensation on his face as his skin contortioned.

            “To be fair, Brat, he attacked me first,” Sukuna informed with a matter-of-fact tone. “I only defended our body.”

         “WHAT THE FUCK!?” Nanami shouted as he fell over backwards, his eyes wide. “ARE YOU SHITTING ME RIGHT NOW!?”

            Yuji’s glare went to Nanami. “Nanamin, why did you try to fight Kuna? That was mean…” He sounded extremely disappointed.

            Nanami’s eyes widened in a combination of bafflement and disbelief. “Wha-!? WHAT!? Are you kidding me!? HE CLEAVED ME! AND SHOT A FIRE ARROW AT ME!”

            “If you had properly used your Curse Technique on me then you wouldn’t have gotten hurt so bad!” Sukuna countered with a laugh. “Never seen a Ratio Technique like that before... very interesting..."

         “If you weren’t the King of Curses, I’d like the praise!” Nanami spat, clearly annoyed.

            Yuji plopped himself on the ground in a huff, his glare hard on Nanami. He even tried to glare at the mouth and eye that had appeared on the left side of his face where Sukuna had appeared.

            “How about you two stop being mean and just tell me what is going on!” Yuji whined.

            Nanami only sighed and put a hand to his head. “Where do I begin…?”

***

Nanami pedaled as fast as he could toward the source of the explosion, the source of the light getting stronger.

            For any normal person, a mile in just a couple of minutes would be difficult to achieve, but training as a Jujutsu Sorcerer and controlling Cursed Energy had trained him to optimize his speed and strength to above human potential. He managed to close the gap within a few minutes, although if he was as strong as Gojo-Senpai he would’ve been there nearly instantaneously.

            Standing in the middle of the chaos, laughing maniacally, was the little boy that he was trying to find. He was wearing a tiger-patterned raincoat, dirty and torn, red rain boots, and his face was covered in the Cursed Tattoos.

            “Oh… shit…” Nanami muttered, realizing he was too late.

            “Heh, a Jujutsu Sorcerer, eh?” The voice that came out of the child was definitely not a child’s voice.

            “Ryōmen Sukuna I presume?” Nanami asked as he reached for his weapon. If the kid was too far gone, he had no choice but to try to exorcise the Curse.

            “I am,” the Curse answered, crossing the small arms he was possessing. “If you excuse me, I have a matter I need to attend to…”

         Nanami was already seeing the ratio lines all over the body that once belonged the little boy known as Yuji Itadori. “In the law of Jujutsu, I hereby have the obligation to exorcise you!” he shouted, his voice strained. It was hard… the body was a child’s… yet the tattoos and the red eyes were of the King of Curses.

            Sukuna didn’t look remotely phased. “Are you honestly going to tell me that bullshit right now…?” he deadpanned. “Look, let’s cut to the chase here…” He waved a hand just as Nanami jumped out of the way.

            A deep slash cut into Nanami’s side, a bright scarlet exploding from the wound. He hissed in pain as his landing faltered.

            “Wow… Jujutsu Sorcerers really stepped up their training game in the last millennia, huh…?” Sukuna mocked with a large smile. “As I said, I have matters to attend to, so just leave me and the Bra-”

         Nanami lunged at Sukuna with his blade, the blade infused with Cursed Energy. He didn’t have time to do his Binding Vow, and Sukuna was too intelligent and would just see through his tactic of using the vow as a way to get stronger. Sukuna effortlessly dodged each slash of Nanami’s blade, a mocking sneer on the stolen child’s face.

            “Persistent aren’t ya…?” Sukuna teased.

            “SHUT UP!” Nanami screamed as he lunged again.

            “Aren’t you going to use that Cursed Technique of yours…?” Sukuna then asked. “You have an abundance of Cursed Energy, and I’ve seen versions of that ‘Ratio’ in the past… I know you can see the lines… So, utilize them!”

            Nanami gritted his teeth.

            Sukuna constantly dodged each attack, sidestepping and ducking. Even if he wasn’t in possession of Yuji’s body, Nanami had a feeling the old Curse would still be much faster than him and dodge with ease.

            “Are you also suppressing your Cursed Energy…?” Sukuna asked in surprise. “Not many sorcerers know how to do that.” Sukuna then sighed and leaped backwards before igniting flames in his hands.

            Fire…? Since when did Sukuna have that power!? He Cleaves and Dismantles!

            Sukuna tilted the borrowed head of Yuji to the side, which if an outside person looking in saw would think he looked cute. “Huh…? You’re not familiar with my other Cursed Technique? The hell are they teaching you in that damn school?” He then shrugged before pulling back the flames to make an arrow. “Not my problem.”

            “Shit…! Shit…!” Nanami muttered as he managed to dodge the arrow that shot toward him. His uniform became singed, his wound from earlier dripping blood.

            Sukuna then faltered his steps as he put a hand to his head. “Oh, yeah, I need to switch back, or the Brat will die…” he murmured to himself. “Sorcerer! What was your purpose with the Brat!?” he then called out to Nanami.

            Nanami was panting from the overexertion and the blood loss. “Huh…? I was sent… to rescue Yuji Itadori from the people who took him… because they were planning on bringing you back…” he replied, his voice strained.

            Sukuna gave a subtle shrug. “Well, I wasn’t going to let them get away from hurting the Brat,” he stated. “I wouldn’t let them kill him. So, do me a favor and make sure the Brat gets somewhere safe.”

            Nanami was taken aback. The King of Curses was protecting the boy. “Wait…? What?”

            Sukuna couldn’t reply as the tattoos were fading from his face, leaving only the scar-like curse marks under the boy’s eyes. As Yuji began to slump forward, Nanami rushed over and caught him before he had hit the ground. Now the kid looked like any other five-year-old boy, sleeping soundly as if he had just run around for hours playing at a playground.

***

“And here we are.”

            Nanami had finished how he ended up getting to the warehouse and fought Sukuna. His hand was pressed against his side, the bleeding still going, although not as bad.

            Yuji was staring with large, youthful brown eyes.

            “So, you’re a wizard!?” he exclaimed in awe.

            “Sorcerer,” Nanami corrected with a hiss of pain. “A Jujutsu Sorcerer.”

            The young boy tilted his head to the side in confusion. “Is it… using the energy stuff that Kuna and Minori talked about…?” he then asked curiously.

            “Y-Yeah…” the teen curtly replied. The adrenaline was finally fading, and the pain was creeping into his very existence. Nanami could tell he was a bit harsh and sighed, “I’m sorry, Yuji, I didn’t mean to sound rude… I just fought a lot of Cursed Spirits, people, and Sukuna and I’m just… very tired…”

            Brat, how about we put some of your own Cursed Energy to some use?

            Yuji heard Kuna in his head and listened carefully to instructions which caused Nanami to look at him confusedly. The boy nodded enthusiastically and crawled over to Nanami, who was propping himself against a tree, and placed his hands on the wound.

            “Hey! Wha-What are you doing!?” Nanami stammered in shock. “Don’t touch that, it’s blood!”

            A blue/black energy glow appeared around Yuji’s hands that caused Nanami’s eyes to widen slightly. Within a few seconds, the wound and the pain disappeared.

            “Hey!” Yuji squealed in delight while clapping his hands. “It worked!”

            “Reverse Curse Technique…?” Nanami barely whispered. “H-How…? Even Shoko has a hard time perfecting it…”

            Yuji gave him a large smile. “Kuna told me how to do it!” he beamed.

            Nanami blinked, completely surprised that the boy learned something like that so quickly through mental instruction. Slowly, he got up, still tired and achy from his fights. He held out his hand to Yuji and the boy gladly gasped it.

            “Thanks, that helped,” Nanami told him sounding slightly relieved. “Now, let’s find a place to camp out for the night as for tomorrow we’ll be heading back to Jujutsu High.”

            “Okay, Nanamin!” Yuji smiled happily.

            “Nanami,” the sorcerer tried to correct again.

            “Na-Na-Min!” Yuji enunciated with a squeal.

            “… Whatever…”

            Nanami lead Yuji to where a bike was haphazardly crashed to the ground, a bike trailer on its side. With a sigh, Nanami let go of Yuji’s hand so he could pick everything up and make sure his stuff was still in the trailer. He then picked the boy up and placed him inside the trailer, making sure the buckles secured him.

            “There we go…” Nanami murmured.

            “Why do I have to sit in here?” Yuji asked.

            “Because you can’t be on my back while I ride a bike,” Nanami explained.

            “Why?”

            “My weapon is on my back, I need it to fight.”

            “Are you gonna keep fighting?”

            Nanami grimaced at the constant questions. “If I have to, then yes, I will,” he informed. “If we don’t want to die, I will fight.”

            “Why do you fight?”

            Nanami went rigid. “… At this point… I really don’t know…” He settled himself on the bike and began to petal, a groan escaping him from the extra weight.

            He pedaled further down a dirt path, away from the destroyed warehouse, away from the small town full of Curses and Curse Users. Nanami kept pedaling for what seemed like hours, until he finally stopped and nearly fell off the bike from exhaustion.

            Brat… if he keeps going, he’ll kill himself. Just have him stop here.

            “Nanamin, Kuna says to stop, or you’ll die,” Yuji bluntly said.

            “HEH!?” Nanami nearly shrieked. “Am I going to be Cleaved or Dismantled if I don’t!?”

            Brat, that was too blunt. He’s tired. Say it like that.

            “Kuna says you’re sleepy,” Yuji then corrected himself. “That’s why you have to stop.”

            The sorcerer heaved a sigh. “Fine,” he relented. “We’re far enough away from the Curse Users I fought anyways… we should be safe.” He got off the bike and went into the trailer to get the camping gear that was next to Yuji.

            It didn’t take him long to set up the small tent, it was big enough for Nanami to settle in, and since Yuji was a small child, he would be able to fit in fine. There was a thin rollout mat and a couple of blankets with a small electric lantern. Once everything was set, he got Yuji from the trailer and placed him in the tent before zipping the two of them inside.

            Nanami placed his overnight bag at the end of the rollout mat and assisted Yuji getting his raincoat off. The boy was wearing a thin blue hoodie, and it was surprisingly still clean as the raincoat had taken the brunt of the dirt, mud, and blood.

            “Alright, lay down,” Nanami ordered gently. He lightly pushed Yuji to lay down on the mat and have his head rest on the overnight bag like a makeshift pillow. “Here’s a blanket.” He then put a thin blue blanket over him.

            Yuji looked confused. “What are you going to sleep on?” he asked.

            “I’ll be fine,” Nanami assured. “You’re a little kid, you get to sleep on the mat.” He was already placing his arms behind his head and closing his eyes, taking steady breaths to force himself to relax. “When it’s light out, we’ll pack and head back to Kyoto, hopefully someone can drive us to the train station, and we can head to Tokyo…”

            Yuji curled up in the blanket, already hearing the soft breathing of Nanami. The sorcerer didn’t look like an adult, and he mentioned that he went to school. Maybe Minori was a teacher of his?

            For the first time in what felt like weeks, Yuji didn’t feel any burning or pain. He touched his face, feeling the raised, scar-like marks under his eyes. Even inside his mouth felt weird when he ran his tongue over his teeth, noting that his fangs were a bit sharper than they were before.

            Soon, the combination of Nanami’s breathing, the crickets outside, and the gentle breeze lulled Yuji to sleep.

***

Inside his Innate Domain, Sukuna sat on his throne, his head propped on his hand.

            He was remembering his fight against the young sorcerer that had come for the Brat. Sukuna could tell that the punk didn’t come from a well-known family like Gojo, Zen’in, or Kamo… yet for someone born naturally with the amount of Cursed Energy he has, he doesn’t utilize well or use his Curse Technique properly either.

            “A Ratio Technique… haven’t seen that in over a millennium…” Sukuna commented to himself. There were different forms of the technique he had dealt with, but the one he had sense with the punk he could tell was different and much stronger if utilized properly.

            Sukuna gave a smirk. Maybe this new era would keep him entertained after all.

Notes:

- The name "Teruto" does mean "follower, disciple" * this is an indication he is part of the cult that worships Sukuna - The name "Soukou" mean "colleague, associate, assistant" * this just alludes he was Teruto's henchmen/subordinate - Please DO NOT grab children by their arms - dislocated shoulders and elbows are very common injuries that occur!! It can also tear their ligaments and tendons! While it happens with adults, it affects the growth/development of children! - I don't know why, but the idea of Sukuna running around in a tiny Yuji's body wearing a little tiger raincoat while causing chaos is HILARIOUS to me. I was chuckling the entire time because here I thought he would look badass like in Shibuya, then I remembered Yuji is 5 here and wearing a cute little outfit! XD - Yuji insisting on calling Nanami "Nanamin" is adorable, even when corrected a couple of times Nanami just lets it go.

[noro-noro-noro]

had really annoying and frustrating dreams

- first I was going home from a new place & went to a really trashy grocery store. it was somehow both sparse, cramped, and also had second floor walkways with more things. outside I was walking to my car when this somewhat attractive couple came up to me & started trying to sell me on buying their merch bc the guy needed money for something or other. a lotnof the merch consisted of gold fabric embroidered with something on it as like shirts or wristbands ir maybe a keychain etc , but I didn't want these or to pay for these so I said thanks and put their stuff theykept heaping into my hands on the ground and drove away. I didn't want any part in their scam. apparently I still had a little gold drawstring bag, which I gave to my.mom when I got home. the guy's gf kept aggressively texting me threats until I blocked her , but it turns out those people weren't a scam after all. I felt a lottle bad but still didn't want to buy any of their shit.

also my upper left molar was extremely loose and just floating around on a thread so i just ripped it out. I looked at my mouth in the mirror. fucked up and missing teeth again as usual. I qas missing the molar under the one I'd just taken out too so there was a funny hole. other teeth were somehow growing back, but in such a way thatit was splitting my gums so all the meat on the bottom of my mouth was growing unnaturally thick and then folding back on itself to make a lot of wavy choking hazards that coud unfold pitnof my mouth, bleed everywhere, and trigger my gag reflex, which means I'd cough and bite down on all the extra flesh growing out of my mouth, which means it'd bleed and then the amount of blood wpuld make me gag and cough. negative cycle. I hope that doesn't keep happening in dreams. that's worse than the teeth bc at least i can still breathe when my teeth rot out

- I feel like there was a secons part. whatever don't remember. actually wait no .. my dad in the dream (different person( had borrowed $4k of money from some random people. they wanred their money back so they were trying to come in the house, but my dream dad stood in the doorway and told me to close the door which I couldn't. because he was in the fucking doorway.so they came inside . I was like well not my problem and went to ny room, but this tall bearded guy followed me up there and made me really uncomfortable. I wanted to kill him with a heavy object but most of them were on the shelf next to my bed, which he was lying on while mocking me. didn't like him so I woke up.

- third part was about infiltrating some summrr camp vibe area. during evening we parked outside a small collection of those shitty little tiny stotes and had to crawl through a hole in tree roots to get to abother dimly lit building area. with me was a guy and a girl that were frustrated by when I do things it doesn't turn out right but we were assigned teams. at thisbpoijt we had to do some kinf of tetris thing in a sky area and again it wasbt working, but also I get taken over by the character I'm piloting during intense competition scenes and my character is incompetebt and stupid. after losing the tetris game we went to find this old lady to troubleshoot. she had rpund cheeks and didnt talk much, but she started working on things. several minutes passed. it turned out she had no clue what my issue was and she was just making a burger and fries and going to charge me $17 for them. that really pisses me off so ibwoke up

[sweetofsin]

ALSO I MISS THEM FUCKKKKKKKKKKK IM TRYING SO HARD NOT TO GO BACK ON MY WORD ... IK THIS IS WHATS BEST FOR ME IK I DESERVE BETTER THAN A SITUATIONSHIP BUT FUCKKKKKKKKKKKK I JUST WANR THEM SO BADDD UGHHHHHHHHH JUST LET ME WIFE YOU UP DAMN

Yes yes i know love is about accepting and surrendering and releasing it's just like Fuck

It sucks when like understanding and acknowledging and compassion can only go so far ..... like sometimes it does help for me to temper myself and step outside of myself. Other times I'm like Ok salem yes you're allowed to have compassion and grace and completely understand where someone is coming from and why they're choosing what they choose. Simultaneously you are still your own person too and you are a lover that deserves mutual commitment and devotion!!! Like i may be a gemini venus n all but it's in the 8th house babes ... In the beginning yeah idgaf but WHEN I DO... I AM LOCKED DOWN IDK

I don't believe in right person wrong timing like okay kinda i guess i can see that but i also feel like the right person would find a way to want to make the timing right yk? Ik there's no such thing as blanket statements as "right person" but yk. My point is, there is someone out there where they are in a position of life where they feel more willing to overcome their fears, traumas, triggers, and open their heart up more to be able to love me in the committed way i desire. And i'm not in a rush fr. It's not like I need to be in a partnership by tomorrow. I'm also content with being single. Although i am going to miss certain aspects of intimacy that are not as easily found with friendships sigh....

IT JUST FUCKING SUCKSSSS LIKE WHY IS 12H SYNASTRY LIKE THIS IM GOJNG TO KAY MY ESS

But it's fine

It's honestly kinda out of my hands now like I'm not about to convince anyone to surrender for me. It's when they want to. And if they feel like their current wants and desires and needs are more important and valuable than a romantic connection with me then who am i to beg and say to consider otherwise? Ima be like u got it. And just learn to pour all this sappy ass love i have into me. And my loved ones. I mean they're still a loved one, but yk.

Sigh just give me the strength bc i want to give into temptation so baddddd but at the same time i'm trying my best to learn love is discipline it is recognizing to not follow your every whim and desire it is recognizing when you can release certain standards or expectations but also have to be firm about others and it's just FUCKING SIGH. Why did they have to be so lovable and beautiful and just why does love constantly seem to slip from my hands... that poem about love being elusive when it really doesn't have to be but the world and it's dysfunction makes it that way be wanting to BASH MY HEAD AGAINST A WALL BC I HATE THAT THEYRE RIGHT

Like idk what's worse like being in romantic relationships but being treated like shit or constantly being close to being in romantic relationships but something happens and it slips away before you were even able to really revel in the beauty and the joy of it all

I mean i did anyway but also Yes i would've loved to been able to wash the dishes with you and read books with you by a fireplace and gaze under stars with you and maybe a kid Ok im done fr im done sorry my brain is just rambling i gotta release so i can sleep heh

[stillnotgoodformymentalhealth]

they never have an answer for a rapist!

Bruh I looked this up expecting a shit take. But oh my god it's so bad. Trigger wanring cause this chick made me want to puke.

"I want my rapist to go to therapy and figure out why he feels the need..."

Ma'am that man raped you twice because he is a predator. This bullshit mentality that violent people are somehow victims and deserve your empathy when he literally violated your whole personhood. Like imagine saying "I want him to feel like I do" and not recognize that this is literally just a fucking guy who does not give a shit about her as a person...

Prison abolition is lib feminism on DRUGS, holy hell.

once again the thought that prison abolition is accepted but prostitution abolition makes me a fascist is making me want to gnaw glass. god bless

[clubbingclown]

I’ve also been using my scrap sketchbook to make little comics using my sona Fortune (Unicorn). They’re a mix of real events and more just abstract-thoughts, plus just straight up fiction-storyline stuff for Fortune as thier own charater seprate from myself (very confusing I know). I’ll keep all the comics under the tag #in which we take the rollercoaster into the sea. Since thats the name I came up with for it. 

General trigger wanring for the future since I do want to use this medium to I guess vent about some stuff. I recently made one after trying to get my mom to use and respect my pronouns and I cannot even express how horrifically bad that went. I’m still fucking disgusted, evrey last word that came out of her mouth would’ve made J.K. Rowling blush. So yhea keep an eye out for that I guess. 

[getmecakeordeath]

TRIGGER WARNING⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️

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I fucked up again 🙁🙁🙁🙁

[metro--clown]

Hey Tumblr uhh Im doing a thing actually i’ve been doing it since the beginning of the year

And i was wondering if ya’ll would like to read it? Just a huge warning : This story is *very* triggering to some, there’s warnings inside

https://archiveofourown.org/works/29286579/chapters/71917677

Chapter 2 will be out very soon, maybe even tonight