#tries to kill me and overthrow me every 5 minutes

[nebulo-philiac]

"She's not so hot!"

"SHE'S HOT ENOUGH TO REPLACE YOU WHENEVER I WANT-"

This is still my favorite megastar exchange because it implies that Megatron only keeps starscream around because he's hot, not because of any actual combat or military releated reason, but because he's fucking eyecandy LMFAOOO

[sxypigeon]

Chapter 20 - Bolin tries to write a screen play and everyone has a bad day

Book 5 Absolution (a mostly canon korrasami story)

Things in the refugee camps have gone downhill, Korra checks on Kuvira, and Asami tries not to murder Varrik.

Chapters  1,  19

---

The scene: A dusty Earth Kingdom village on the edge of the Si Wong Desert - a sleepy tourist town in its off season at dusk.

Enter: Ting-Ting in disguise wearing sandbender wraps and clothes, looking for his informant.  He walks down a side street and into the shadiest tavern, through the torn sheet acting as a door.  The interior is crowded and smokey, just the way Ting-Ting likes it.  He approaches the bar and says to the bartender -

“Bolin!”

Said earth bender turned from the window of the airship he’d been vacantly staring out of to his brother.  “What, I’m here - yes! . . . Um, could you repeat that in case I missed everything you just said?”

Mako sighed and rolled his eyes from his seat opposite him, next to Jeong.  “I asked you if you enjoyed your time with Opal, but judging by the look you just had, I guess I don’t need an answer.”

Bolin frowned at the pair of them as they shared a smug smile.  “Of course I did, but that wasn’t what I was thinking about.  I have this idea for a mover I’m working on-”

“Still?” Mako asks in surprise.

“Well, yeah.  What with working on uniting the Earth Kingdom and then saving Republic City, I haven’t had a whole lot of time to work on it.”

“What’s it about?” Jeong asked with interest.

“Oh, here we go,” Mako muttered with a small exasperated grin.

A huge grin lit up Bolin’s face.  “It’s about an ex-United Forces operative named Ting-Ting who’s on the trail of his kidnapped love Ivy.  His arch-nemesis Dr. Razor took her as revenge for Ting-Ting’s last mission with the United Forces to shut down his illegal laboratory where he forced spirits and thugs to merge and become his minions.  Ting-Ting’s research leads him to the edge of the Si Wong Desert where his former partner, Lee, is undercover trying to bust a smuggling ring among the sandbenders.  All clues point to Dr. Razor using the lost city of Sobata in the middle of the desert as his base and the center of the sandbender’s smuggling operation.”

“Wow, that’s a lot of information.  Do you think people will be able to follow along with the plot?”

“Sure, I mean, maybe there’ll have to be a voiceover explaining some of the finer details, but I think-”

“We’re here,” Mako interrupted.  

Jeong smiled and shrugged, “Next time.”

“Yeah,” Bolin muttered, “maybe by then I’ll have a bit more of the plot worked out and not just the backstory.”

---

“What do you mean you took over an Earth Empire reeducation camp?  Where are you?!”

Kuvira sighed tiredly and rubbed her eyes.  The avatar, as usual, had chosen an inopportune time to appear.  “Reeducation Camp 11, just east of the mountains and Fort Senlin.”  She paused to yawn.  “I helped the prisoners overthrow their guards and we currently control the camp and it seems like the Empire forces are unaware.  Was that all - can I go back to sleep?  It’s been a long two days.”

The spectral form of the avatar glared at her for a moment before worry won out over anger.  “What’s your plan for the camp?  Are you going to keep control of it or shut it down?  I don’t think the prisoners will want to stay long if they have the option of leaving.”

She is the wettest blanket.  No appreciation for taking over a camp singlehandedly, I see.  “We’re working on a way to send some of the prisoners by boat to Republic City, others want to stay in the area and fight the Empire locally and reunite with their families,” Kuvira muttered through a yawn.  “Seriously, I’ve had maybe three hours of sleep in the last two days.  Let’s hurry this up.”

“Do you need back up or me to help in any way?”

“Other than going away and letting me sleep?”  Kuvira ignored another glare.  “Send a ship to meet the boat in three days.”

“What about the guards?”

“What about them?”

“Are they dead or your prisoners?  Do they need to be moved?”

“No one has died per your orders,” she sighed.  “I was going to destroy all of the camp except the cells and leave a few days of food.  Someone will investigate if radio-silence goes more than forty-eight hours.”

“Okay, what’s after this?”

I’m working on that, but your pestering isn’t helping.  Kuvira was quickly losing what little patience she had left.  “If all of this works?  Who knows, maybe I’ll open a tea shop in the middle ring of Ba Sing Se and retire.”

Korra looked ready to explode.  “I’m trying to help you!  We both want the same thing!  I can’t do anything for you if you don’t let me in on what you’re thinking.”

“And I’m telling you, right now, what I’m thinking about is sleep.  Now kindly disappear since that seems to be something you’re good at.”

---

This was a mistake.  Why did I ever agree to this?  This was one of the most important buildings in Asami’s entire company . . . and she was letting a known swindler and thief in through the front door.

“You know, I came up with something like this in a dream eighteen months ago,” Varrik said thoughtfully while passing an airplane large enough to hold two dozen people.

There is no plausible way this will end any way, but in disaster.  “As a reminder, Varrik, everything in this building and in or around the surrounding complex is off limits to you and Zhu Li.  These are trade secr-”

“Yeah, yeah.  Zhu Li, did you remember to pack the pumice scrub?  You know how bad my calluses get.” 

Asami gritted her teeth, but maintained a smile for her employee leading the tour.  He will steal at least one of my R&D designs.  He’ll steal it, copyright it, and then counter sue me when I try to take him to court over it.

Varrik wildly flung his arm in the direction of his wife’s head and pointed, “Hey, is that the break room?  Does it have a full kitchen?  Top quality genius requires expertly prepared, well-balanced meals.

He’s going to drive me insane and I’m going to kill him . . . then I’ll go to prison and never see Korra again . . . or I could go on the run and maybe Korra could come with me . . . as long as I don’t have to live in the sewers again.

The group came to a stop just inside the break room while Varrik tested the water pressure and temperature coming out of the taps in the kitchenette.  The tour guide, the head of the research building, approached her with a calm smile born from years of dealing with eccentric researchers. “Will there be anything else, Miss Sato?” 

“No, thank you, Mr. Taka.  That will be all,” she replied.  She waited for him to leave before waving her guests over and addressing them.  “I cannot emphasize this enough: everything you see here falls under the heading Trade Secret and cannot be copied or reproduced in any form-”

Varrik rolled his eyes and wrapped an arm around Asami’s shoulders.  “What are you, a broken record?.  I remember the forms your lawyer made us sign.  She read them all out loud - it nearly put me to sleep.”

“You can never be too careful,” Asami said with a forced smile.  Remember to breathe.  Maiming him won’t make this easier . . . or will it?  “Would you like some time to settle in or-”

“Heck no!  Let’s get straight to business!”  He stepped away, with a hand behind his back and a hand in the air, counting off what he needed on his fingers.  We’re going to need three heavy-duty electro-magnets, five industrial spools of thirty gauge copper wire, multiple sheets of pure platinum ranging from 0.25mm thickness to 5mm, and a pot of black tea every fifty-two minutes.”

Asami attempted to unclench her jaw before answering.  “Zhu Li warned - informed me of what we’d need.  It’s all set up in the lab.”

“Well, what are we waiting for?!  Zhu Li, do the thing!”

Asami watched the newlyweds practically run toward the ballistic R&D laboratory hopelessly.  Maybe everything will go fine . . . and maybe the Earth Empire will spontaneously surrender and give up their super weapons . . . and just maybe I’ll come out of this with my sanity intact.

---

“Is it just me or do these people not seem happy to see us?”  Bolin asked

Mako kept his head on a swivel.  Everyone on their path hurried away as they approached.  “They do not.”

“I don’t like this,” Jeong whispered.  “Something must have happened while we were away.”  She led the group down the dirt path between the rows of tents at a brisk pace.  “Dad!  What’s going on?  What-”

Jeong was stopped in front of her family's tent when the boys caught up to her.  The stricken look on the man’s face told them nearly all of the story.

Mako stepped beside the silent young woman and addressed her father gently, “What happened, sir?”

He breathed deeply and squared his shoulder, trying to hold his emotions in check.  “My son . . . and at least two other members of the neighborhood watch have been abducted.”

“No,” Bolin muttered hopelessly behind Mako.

“Did someone see any of this take place?  Are you sure they’re being held against their will?” Mako asked as he took out his notepad.

“Letters were sent to the families . . . delivered by young orphans we’ve seen with Triple Threat members.”

“This is my fault,” Jeong muttered in shock to herself.  “I stole that weapon.  I set up the watch.  I tried to drive the Triple Threats out of the area-”

“No!  You helped your neighbors!” Bolin insisted.  “Everything you did was to make everyone safer.  We’re going to get everyone back and bring the Triple Threats to justice!”

“Assigning blame isn’t going to help the situation,” Mako cut in, mostly to prevent Bolin from making more promises he wasn’t sure they could keep.  “May I see the letter you received?  Jeong, I need you to stay with your family while Bolin and I look into this.”

Perhaps as a sign of how distraught she was, Jeong simply nodded and headed into the tent.  Her father sighed sadly once she was inside.  “She’s tried so hard to help.  Here, find the bastards and bring my son home . . . please.”

Mako met his eyes and nodded as he took the letter.  “We’ll do everything in our power, sir.  I’ll let you know when I’ve learned anything.”  He grabbed Bolin by the arm and marched them back toward the airship they arrived on.

“Wait, aren’t we going to collect evidence and question the neighbors or stake out a . . .a tent or something?” Bolin asked.

Mako kept his face neutral.  “The two of us can’t take on an entire gang by ourselves.  We’re going to need back up.  There’s a radio in the airship.”

“Oh, right.  We can call for backup?”

“I hope so,” Mako muttered to himself.  If there is any . . .

---

Thanks for reading!

[fc5holidayexchange]

Far Cry 5 Holiday Fic Exchange 2019 [FIC]

“Surrender" 

Deputy Lenni Hartfield/Jacob Seed

@fluttyseed

Happy Holidays, love! I had such a GREAT time writing this for you, and you made me fall in love with your Dep, Lenni! I hope you have the merriest of Christmases and a New Year that is so kind and wonderful to you! Many blessings.

Jacob Seed, Jacob Seed x Deputy, Jacob Seed x Lenni Hartfield, fluff, romance

“I keep a close watch on this heart of mine, I keep my eyes wide open all the time, I keep the ends out for the tie that binds Because you’re mine, I walk the line.”

-Johnny Cash, “Walk the Line”

+++

Jacob loved the sound of birdsong - this was not a man who would readily admit such a thing (the great Jacob Seed, protector of Eden’s Gate with an affinity for little birds and their littler chirping? Absolutely not. Preposterous. Lies!) He hadn’t even noticed what an integral part of a Montana sunrise it was until he was thrown into the middle of nowhere in Afghanistan, his only companions being other soldiers, sand and his own thoughts; he heard no birds, only snoring from the other end of the bunk tent and the buzzing of another of those goddamned mosquitos in his ear. 

Even on the nights before the shelter, before his brothers found him, nights fighting for survival in domestic conditions harsher than the desert, abandoned by the Army, by his country, by even - he thought - God, he was not abandoned by the birds who’s singing roused him every morning, reminded him that he was alive, that he’d made it through another night. The birdsong got him through that time of survival and still gently woke him now, just before sunrise, in a time of thriving.

He watched her softly, admiring the way her long lashes rested against her cheek, admiring the curve of the cupid’s bow of her lips, admiring the golden halo of curls on the pillow beneath her head, turning Lenni - deputy, warrior, lover, goddess, his Lenni - into an angel. Well, no, she was already an angel, but there, asleep next to him in his little bed against the wall of his makeshift office in the Veteran’s Center - maps tacked to the wall above them, a fan blowing softly across their sweat dampened skin from the heat of a Hope County summer, (even early in the day like that) and their proximity - she really did look the part.

Finally, he could stand it no more and carded his rough, calloused fingers through those golden curls. She made a tiny noise, like a kitten, and pressed closer to him, making the soldier smile and pull her closer. 

“Good morning, my love,” he murmured into her hair.

“Mmmmmmmmm,” she half whined. “Five more minutes…”

“Shhh, it's okay,” Jacob pressed a kiss to the top of her head, “It’s just past dawn. We have plenty of time. Go back to sleep.”

Lenni nuzzled in under his chin, and drifted back off. 

+++

She was still sleeping when he managed to carefully, and reluctantly, disentangle himself from her and stand - stretching and cracking his neck before starting some coffee in the old coffee maker he’d scrounged up from what had been the center’s kitchen and, once it was ready, sitting at his desk and beginning his day’s work. 

The notes to the side of the largest map that took up most of his desk must have seemed like gibberish to anyone but him - or of course, someone else who’d served (old habits always have died the hardest, after all). There were red and green lines denoting Eden’s Gate territory and territory reclaimed by the so-called “resistance” that he often felt like he was only borrowing Lenni - his Lenni, from. The worrying number of outposts marked as “reclaimed” by that “merry” band of hilljacks, and the lines of Eli Palmer’s Whitetail Militia - the bastards - painted an extremely worrying picture. 

The resistance hadn’t worried him until he’d come face to face with - or more like his throat to her knife with - Lenni, seen how capable and forceful she could be, and what a good leader she was. That was what the resistance had lacked until her involvement: a leader. Jerome Jeffries tried, but was less effective than Jacob assumed he thought he was; Mary May Fairgrave was tough, and clever, but not a uniter; and that Rye kid, Nick, Kim’s husband (now Kim, Jacob thought, Kim Rye was another capable woman) would have loaded up that obnoxious yellow plane of his with his wife and flown like hell for Missoula the second Lenni’d…liberated the plane from John’s ranch, if he’d been given half the chance. But then along came little miss deputy, little miss blonde curls and sparkling eyes and sunkissed cheeks, dotted with freckles from her time in the sun, and little miss button nose and little miss pink cheeks and -

Jacob had to chuckle to himself, even staring down the gravity of Eden’s Gate’s current precarious situation; Lenni drove him to distraction in even the most dire of times. God, he loved her. 

“What’s so funny?” She asked softly as she sat up, stretching in much the way he had. 

“You invade my thoughts, constantly; do you know that?” He asked, steepling his fingers together, elbows on his desk, leaning forward to meet her eyes from across the room. “Here I am, perfectly innocently staring down how absolutely fucked we are and of course, do you know where my thoughts decide to drift?” He asked, grinning a little. “To your freckles. To your lips.” 

The look she gave him was indecipherable. “Wait-”

“What?”

She stood and made a beeline for his desk, leaning over the map from the opposite side. “What do you mean ‘how absolutely fucked we are’?”

He leaned back, lacing his fingers behind his head, and leaned the front legs of his chair off the floor, trying to appear nonchalant, as though this didn’t scare part of him absolutely witless. “Your little resistance -” she made a face at the somewhat pejorative adjective - “is proving very capable under your leadership.”

Jacob saw that old familiar look of conflict on her face; here she was, quite literally sleeping with the resistance’s enemy, with the people who kidnapped and killed and held folks hostage, and who she’d been actively working to overthrow. But that wasn’t…Jacob. Jacob was her Jacob. He existed somewhere out of space and out of time in their current situation, at least to her, but he knew that she knew, deep down, that she was deluding herself. Her torn look didn’t suit her; he hated being the cause of the lines of worry that crossed that beautiful face. Her eyes were darker than usual as she let herself get a little lost in thought that morning.

“Penny for your thoughts?” He asked eventually, as she stared down at the map, still.

Finally, Lenni raised her eyes, and he noticed how wet they were. “Jacob, how does this end?”

“Well, if you ask my brother, in fire and flood.”

She tsk’d. “Be serious.”

“I am.”

“I mean us. Where does this end? How do we…” she swallowed something that sounded painful and caught in her throat, “How do we make it out of this?”

“Darlin’, I don’t think we’re going to have a picket fence and two point five kids anytime soon.” 

Lenni stared at him - more into him, if he was being honest, and finally said, “What do we do, Jacob? How do we…”

“Fix this?” He finished for her as she trailed off.

“Yeah.”

“I’m not sure we can.” 

+++

It ate at him, as she slipped away under the cover of the morning’s drill activities, disappearing into the trees of the Whitetail mountains like she’d never been there, like she’d never been tangled in his bedsheets, like their love wasn’t treasonous and all-consuming. 

He wanted her, more than he’d ever wanted anything. He wanted a future. He wanted to leave this place with her and that goofy, fluffy-tailed dog of hers and never come back. He wanted a regular job and a sedan and to be awoken late at night by the sound of a newborn over a baby monitor. 

Were things like that not for men like him? Had God forsaken him a second time? Or had Joseph just led them all astray? Did they follow a false prophet? 

Jacob Seed stood on his balcony of the old, dilapidated Veteran’s Center, and realized what he had to do. He stepped back inside whistling an old Platters’ song that he usually heard only in his dreams. 

+++

Finding a truck that wasn’t a garish disaster of Eden’s Gate iconography (thanks John,) proved harder than even he’d thought. Finally he found one that someone had stolen from one of the deputies - probably Lenni, he thought, if he was being honest. That girl had a way of leaving vehicles dotted all over the county with little regard for ever fetching them and yet she somehow seemed to have an eye for every vehicle Eden’s Gate could use - and of course every fuel truck they tried to run absolutely anywhere. But once he slipped into the driver’s seat, and jammed a baseball cap on his head to hide his distinctive shock of red hair - at least at first glance - and gave himself the world’s worst, and most useless pep-talk, he started the truck and took a roundabout way down the mountain, toward his brother’s ranch, and past it towards Fall’s End. 

He made sure he arrived late; most of the resistance already resting, and the white clapboard church was mostly abandoned except for the flicker of candlelight in a room upstairs. Father Jerome sat, silhouetted in the window. Jacob prayed - prayed for forgiveness, for strength, for his brother to be wrong - before parking, and sneaking in a back door. 

“Father?” He called quietly, in a voice that didn’t even sound like his own.

Silence, and then: “…Jacob?”

“I mean you absolutely no harm. I’m unarmed.” 

More quiet, and then the creaking of floorboards above him, and Jerome, with his bulletproof vest firmly in place, and his shotgun held in front of him - which made Jacob raise his hands in supplication, to prove he told the truth - descended the spiral staircase, somewhat hidden toward the back of the church.

“What do you want with me, Jacob Seed?” Jacob met his eyes; soldier to soldier, man to man. 

For her. All for her. Anything for her. 

Joseph could not win.

Jacob swallowed, and said only: “I want to join the resistance.” 

+++

“You’ve got a way to keep me on your side, You give me cause for love that I can’t hide. For you I know I’d even try to turn the tide, Because you’re mine, I walk the line…”

[hunger-and-desire]

The Battle for the Mirrorverse, Pt 5

Based off an old idea Crow/ @ghostsandmirrors​ and I were throwing around. Was seized with the need to write it. So here’s the first of what will be I don’t know how many parts.

Basic jist: The horsemen have teamed up with Misfortune to overthrow the Lady of the Mirror and take over. After a surprise attack, Famine, Bringer, and the Mirrorverse folk are scrambling to defend themselves and the Mirror World from the attackers. It doesn’t go their way.

Disclaimer: I don’t know what this place looks like so I just made it up. Sorry, Crow.

“Fuck!” Famine spit the word out as her body hurdled itself back into the land of the living and did not like what it found. Bringer started from where they were stood looking out the window and quickly stepped over to the horseman as she sat up, body rattling with coughs. They sat on the bed beside her, cautiously putting a hand on her back as if that would help. She looked over to them and offered a smile. “Hello,” she croaked.

“Famine, are you alright?” they asked.

“Blood…in my lungs…makes it…hard…to breath,” she said between coughs. Flecks of dried blood speckled her arm as she coughed into it.

“I’d imagine so.”

They sat there a minute, Famine coughing violently as the Bringer rubbed her back. “This is…awful,” Famine growled, words sounding slightly less strangled, but only just.

Bringer hummed quietly in agreement, remembering Pestilence’s request. “Your brother would agree.”

Famine shot them a look. “Which fucking brother…did you talk to? And when the fuck…did you talk to him?”

"Pestilence,” they said with a casual shrug, as if it were everyday they talked to the golden haired brat, “He told me to tell you to go fuck yourself, or to slit your throat and see how you liked coming back from that.”

“The bitter bastard,” she snarled. Taking a deep, shuttering breath, Famine straightened and looked at Bringer with a seriousness in her eyes that was unusual. “I would ask you kindly that, if you are ever in a position where you need to kill me, don’t slit my throat. If you love me at all, do not slit my throat.”

“How about we just avoid a situation where I have to kill you,” they suggested.

“Yea, that works.”

A knock on the door interrupted their conversation. “Girnber?” the General slowly opened the door, “I’m sorry to bother you, but—” His eyes went wide when he saw Famine, very much alive, peering around Bringer. She smiled, rather wickedly, and waved. Bringer followed the General’s line of sight to Famine and realized, rather belatedly, no one else knew Famine was very hard to kill.

“Oh, yes, she’s not dead,” Bringer sighed, looking back to the General.

“I can see that.”

“Horsemen only die temporarily,” they explained, “Can you even truly die?” Bringer, glanced over to Famine.

“Oh of course. Everything can die permanently, even God.” A fit of coughs overtook her at her last words and she bent double once more, expelling more dried blood.

"God didn’t like you saying that,” the Bringer said dryly. That earned them a nasty glare from Famine.

The General cleared his throat, after to draw attention to the fact that he was still there. “We need to figure out our next move. We don’t want to be attacked unawares again.”

“Yes, of course.” Bringer stood, quickly followed by Famine who realized her legs were not quite with the whole ‘being alive again’ thing yet and stumbled. She reached for the wall as Bringer grabbed for her elbow, only to realize they were closing their fingers on bare skin and quickly let go again. Famine hit the wall with a bang, but stayed on her feet.

“I’m okay,” she muttered, “I’m good. It’s fine.” The General stared at her a moment longer, expression something between confusion and vague horror, before he simply nodded and stepped back out into the hall.

“You don’t have to come,” Bringer said, even as they gathered her great coat from where it was tossed over the back of a chair.

“Do you really think I’ll stay here and just do nothing?”

They held out the jacket to her. “No, of course not. Why would you do the sensible thing?” She sneered at them as she took the jacket.

Famine pulled the jacket on as they started off down the hall. “How long was I out?”

“A day…day in a half,” they answered, “Not very long.”

Famine looked like she wanted to argue, but moved on, “Anything happen?” The Bringer shook their head, but that was all the answer she got.

The pair stepped into a larger room that Famine had never seen before. The General was already there, talking to Renrait, and Liaxee was sat in a chair, head propped on his hand, staring distantly at the ground. He looked up when Bringer and Famine stepped in and, upon spotting the horseman, his face lit up. “Eminfam!” he boomed, causing the rest of the room’s inhabitants to jump. The large man swooped towards her and snatched her up in a hug. “I knew you would be okay! You are strong!” He put her down again and simply beamed at her.

Famine tentatively smiled up at him. “It’s good to see you too, Liaxee.”

The assembled gathered around a table in the center of the room. A map was spread across it. Famine looked at the various markings and figures drawn on it, trying to make any sense of a world she was not overly familiar with, when she realized no one was saying anything. She looked up and then to Bringer, who seemed as confused as she was. “I thought you said there were things to discuss, Nergale?” they said, looking to the man. The General was standing there, lips pressed in a thin line, uneasy about something but saying nothing. “What’s going on?” Bringer insisted, looking at the other’s around the table.

Renrait was the first to speak. “Why is she here?” Though it was clear she was talking about Famine, she was looking at Bringer.

“Because she wanted to come,” Bringer responded, words hesitant as if they were unsure why this needed to even be asked, “And she is the only one who really knows her siblings so her input could be rather valuable.” There was the smallest hint of sass to Bringer’s words, but it never showed on their face.

“Don’t you think that’s a problem?”

“That’s she might have valuable input?” Bringer snarked, “No, I actually think it might be helpful.”

“If you have something to say, Renrait, say it,” Famine growled, glaring daggers at the woman, “No need to beat around the bush.”

Renrait looked coolly at Famine before turning her focus back to Bringer. “We don’t know that the horseman is on our side.”

From the other side of the table, Liaxee laughed gruffly. “Renrait, you are being ridiculous.”

“Am I?” the trainer mused, “None of this would be happening if she wasn’t here.”    

“Oh, so I am the root of all problems?” Famine laughed darkly, “How original. How very like my siblings.”

Renrait turned to face Famine, fury in her eyes. “It was your brother who killed the Lady,” she hissed.

“He certainly did not do that under any direction from me. In case you have forgotten, I tried to save her.”

“And failed.”

A laugh of disbelief left Famine’s lips, “Does that make me guilty? By that same logic-” Famine’s words collide with Bringer’s hand that called for her silence.

“Renrait, Famine is on our side,” they said, words deliberate as if that would make them knock sense into her.

“Give me one good reason to trust her.”

“Well, she hasn’t killed me yet.” The answer drew only confused looks. “She would have been well within her rights to kills me a handful of times and she hasn’t, so I’ve chosen to trust her,” they explained, “Plus, she’d not one for working with her siblings. Or anyone, really.” Now it was Famine’s turn to give Bringer a look.

“Excuse me,” she hissed. “Who’s side are you on?”

“Yours, but it is true.”

“That doesn’t mean you have to say it.” They shrugged, seeming entirely unapologetic about what they had said.

Renrait sat back in her seat, arms crossed. “That’s really all you’ve got, Bringer?” she asked.

“It’s good enough for me, it should be good enough for you,” they said, “Now can we please discuss that actual problem at hand?” They looked to the General, only to find him less than willing to say anything. “You don’t trust her either?”

“I think it is something we should consider,” he confessed.

From beside Bringer, Famine let out an exasperated laugh. “This is ridiculous,” she said, “If you’re looking for an enemy, Renrait, don’t work to find one in me when you already have several out there to blame.” Famine’s words seemed to do little to convince the trainer. “Tell me, what exactly have I done to make you mistrust me so?”

“Latri wouldn’t have the horsemen’s help without you,” Renrait said.

“Oh, is that so?”

A very loud bang made every jump. Liaxee had slammed a hand on the table and was pushing to his feet. “Renrait, you are very skilled and talented fighter, but now you are being very dumb,” he said, “Eminfam is good.”

“You think everyone is good,” Renrait spat, “And that blinds you to the fact that some people are monsters.” The last words were directed at Famine and the horseman tensed.

“So that’s what you think of me, hm?” she hummed quietly.

“Isn’t it what most people think of you? A cruel, heartless monster who only knows how to love murder and slaughter?”

There was a flicker of hurt in Famine’s eyes but she shoved it down. “You are probably right, that is what most people think,” she conceded, “but that is because they don’t know me.” With that, she shoved herself to her feet, the chair screeching against the stone floor. “But if you want me to leave, I will leave.” She started towards the door, her long coat sweeping the floor.

She wasn’t even to the door when she heard Renrait say to Bringer, “How could you love something like that?”

“Well,” Famine sighed, turning in a swirl of coat tails, “the Lady loved you, Renrait, so I’d ask her, but,” Famine shrugged with a nonchalance that did not match her words. Renrait started from her seat, murderous intent in her eyes, but Liaxee put a hand on her shoulder. When they looked back to the door, Famine was long gone.

 Bringer followed the trail of dead grass in the garden to find Famine sitting on her jacket,  surrounded by dead flower petals. She was still peeling them off one rose when Bringer approached. “I know I should not have said that to Renrait, but I would prefer you save the lecture,” she hissed, glancing up with brilliantly green eyes.

“I wasn’t going to lecture,” they muttered. They motioned to her spread out coat, “May I?” She gave a quick shrug and went back to plucking at the rose petals. Bringer sat down next to her, crunching petals into dust. “Are you alright?” She gave them another glance, eyes narrowed as if to say ‘what the fuck do you think?’ “I did my best to convince them that you are on our side. I think I changed Nergale’s mind, but I’m not sure about Renrait.” Famine nodded, but remained silent, concentrating on her almost completely decimated rose. Bringer watched her a moment, unsure if they should press and try and figure out what she was thinking or just let her be.

Famine let the rose fall onto her jacket before she looked to Bringer. “Do you really love me?” she asked.

The answer came without hesitation: “Yes, of course I do.”

Famine smiled and quickly looked back to her pile of petals, but not before Bringer caught the hint of tears in her eyes. “Why do you ask?” they questioned gently.

With a deep breath, Famine looked up at the sky, brushing away a stray tear as she did so. “Renrait.”

The Bringer sighed. “My dear, why would you listen to—”

“Why did I listen to Death? To War?” she interrupted, glancing to them. “It’s still hard not to hold people’s opinions of me of importance. I crave validation too much for that.” A smile crossed her face but it was far too watery to be happy.

The pair sat in silence, afternoon garden sounds settling over them. Famine picked absently at the edge of her pants as Bringer watched her. “Did you all learn anything?” she eventually asked.

“Nergale sent out some spies last night and they found where Misfortune and your siblings are,” they said, “Nergale recommends another battle.”

“No.” It was said so confidently, so sharply, that it shocked Bringer.

“No?”

Famine looked to them, dry eyed and serious. “If we know where they are, we take a small group, not an army, and we strike when they least expect it. Tonight, maybe?” she shrugged, “If we have another full out battle, we will only be giving Death more corpses and more time to make more Mercenaries. We will be feeding the enemy. If we strike now, he won’t have time, they’ll have their guard down.”

The Bringer nodded slowly, mulling the idea over. “We could do it,” they finally said.

“Just us two?” A smile crossed Famine’s lips, “That sounds more like a plan I would suggest, the two of us taking on an army. Becoming ruler has changed you.”

Bringer rolled their eyes.

[midnightiscoming-kasabian]

Kasabian's Serge Pizzorno: 'Being pretentious is my number one fear'

Tim Jonze - www.theguardian.com - Photo: Neil Bedford

2 Sep 2019

He’s the lairy lad rocker who scored one of the best ever goals on TV – in winklepickers. Now he is aiming to be music’s answer to David Lynch

Serge Pizzorno is looking back at the rise of his band Kasabian and trying to pinpoint when it all became a bit too much.

“You’d turn up at shows and there’d be 20-odd trucks there, a catering team, loads of people everywhere,” he says. “And you’d think, wow, this is actually a job for a lot of people, and it all rests on these four maniacs!”

This was in 2017: the band had just completed their sixth album, For Crying Out Loud, released to mixed reviews, and all was not well in camp. After 20 years together, Pizzorno was worried the band were getting stuck in a rut. And then there was the personal turmoil: not for songwriter Pizzorno, who had settled into family life in Leicester (he has two boys, Ennio and Lucio), but for Tom Meighan, the band’s wild-eyed frontman.

Mimicking their idols Noel and Liam Gallagher, Pizzorno wrote the songs while Meighan brought the stage presence, preposterous quotes (“Our songs sound like we’ve shit ourselves 10,000 feet in the air”) and ludicrous tales. Band legend had it that, whenever Meighan became too much to handle, the other members had to take him to the nearest Toys R Us store to calm him down. But following a split from his partner, the relentlessly upbeat singer was struggling. He cried in one interview at the time.

“Tom’s still figuring things out, but he’s in a much better place now,” says Pizzorno when we meet for coffee in London. But it’s no wonder they needed time out. “I was worried we would get stale. Sometimes you need to go down the rabbit hole to refresh things.”

The SLP is that rabbit hole. It’s his initials – his full name is Sergio Lorenzo Pizzorno – and the name of his forthcoming solo album, recorded at his home studio, the Sergery (yes, really). With its guest appearances from Little Simz and Slowthai, and wild eclecticism, it’s reminiscent of Gorillaz – a cartoonish world constructed as an escape from the pressures of being in an enormous band.

Pizzorno sees it less as a new direction and more a return to the way he started off making music. Back then he was using an old Atari and a Midi keyboard; these days he’s been recording on his phone, stealing snippets from 70s Italian horror movies, “weird Polish shit”, and whatever grabs his attention when he’s out and about.

“I’ll be in Tokyo, hear the buzz of the electricity running through the pylons, and be like...” he waves his phone in the air, as if frantically trying to record the sound. “All my mates will be taking the piss. And even in my own head I’m thinking, ‘I’m never gonna use this.’ But this time I did.”

Indeed, the buzzing pylons make it into The Wu, an incredibly odd song about wandering through hotel corridors in search of the afterparty. It’s a case study in Pizzorno’s esoteric influences, from the South African disco label Heads and Lee “Scratch” Perry to the late Nigerian synth wizard William Onyeabor. Elsewhere there’s Mediterranean house (Nobody Else), mariachi meltdowns (Meanwhile … in the Welcome Break) and, in ((trance)), the kind of joyously anthemic track that wouldn’t sound out of place in, well, a Kasabian set.

Did the rest of the band not think: can’t we have a couple of these tunes? “It’s probably testament to why we’re still together that they didn’t mind,” says Pizzorno. “Tom understands that you need to explore what else is out there. Otherwise you become the band everyone expects you to be.”

The irony is that Kasabian have never been the band a lot of people think they are anyway. When they emerged in the early 00s, with electro-influenced rock anthems such as Clubfoot and LSF, they were stereotyped as lairy lad rockers, when in reality they were just as enamoured by hip-hop and acid house.

“On our first record I would wanna sit people down and go, ‘No, no, no – this is where we were fishing for that stuff, Can and Neu! or whoever. But whatever we said, the journalist would just ask us about the Happy Mondays. I soon realised it was best to just keep your mouth shut, because if you’re still able to make albums and art, who cares where it comes from anyway?”

I interviewed the band a few times back then and always found them far kinder and more erudite than they were portrayed (“On the road carnage with rock’s rowdiest band!” screamed one NME cover line). But it’s fair to say, with their wild tales and boasts, they played up to it.

Was the lad thing a bit of an act? “We knew that journalists wanted it,” says Pizzorno. “But at the same time, we did grow up where, if you wanted to be in a band, you had to have your wits about you. If you’re playing in a village pub in Leicester in front of a load of lads that would throw darts at your head for having long hair, you can either go in and be all art school, or you can snap a snooker cue in half and say, ‘Let’s go!’ But then I still wanted to get them in the corner and talk about Jodorowsky afterwards.”

Pizzorno’s lad-rock credentials were no doubt enhanced by two televisual moments: a goal on Soccer AM, in which he improbably flicked the ball up in the air while wearing winklepickers before volleying it into a tiny hoop; and an even better strike during the Soccer Aid charity match that saw him scoop the ball over former England keeper David Seaman’s head and into the top corner of the net. The mention of these acts of sporting glory makes Pizzorno groan: “You’ll work for ages on a piece of music or art that you’re really proud of. But kick a ball through a hole in an inflatable bouncy castle and it’s what you become known for.”

Come on though, which was his favourite goal? “With the Soccer AM one I’d been up all night, I was hanging. If I was sober I’d never have even tried it. But the [Soccer Aid] one … not only is it a great goal, but for five minutes after scoring it, I’ve never been more off my nut in my life. As a pure sledgehammer hit of adrenaline, it was insane. God knows what it would be like to score in a World Cup.”

Less impressive when it comes to lad stereotypes was a cover of Q magazine, on which Meighan and Pizzorno appeared alongside two naked ladies, something that even back in 2011 looked like a relic of a bygone era. Pizzorno groans again, but this time he means it. “That really kills me,” he says. “It was sold to us as Jimi Hendrix, Electric Ladyland, a celebration of 60s psychedelia. But we learned an important lesson there – we need to take control over every element.”

Pizzorno says the band have always been more inclusive than people give them credit for. “Art can be the start of something. At [Kasabian’s] gigs you only have to look at the first few rows to see there’s people from all over the world, with completely different views on how things should be done, but at least we’ve got them together.”

There’s a song on The SLP that addresses this, the final track Meanwhile … in the Silent Nowhere. “It’s about communication,” says Pizzorno. “Previously, even if you were rightwing or had extreme views, it felt like there could be some sort of dialogue where you could at least hear each other’s stories. Now it feels like, ‘This is my belief, fuck you’ ... there’s a danger in us not sitting down and talking face to face.”

What does he think of the current political situation? “It’s like Vegas. Fundamentally, the system is rigged and whatever you implement, the outcome will be the same. You’re probably talking revolution here but we need someone to come along and start again.” Is Jeremy Corbyn that person? “He’s the best shot we’ve got ... but I think there’s more. There’s someone else out there that can marry spirituality [with politics] and break the system and get us to start again somewhere better.” He laughs: “I think I’m just waiting for the messiah.”

Right now, Pizzorno has more pressing problems than the overthrow of capitalism: how to be a musician without Meighan by his side. He’s planned an impressive stage show, with different characters performing each song. It sounds ambitious. “But in a really minimal way,” he stresses. “Not overblown, the opposite to lasers and screens. It won’t be pretentious. Pretentious is my number one fear.”

Will there be costume changes? “Very subtle ones. There might be a hat. I might be barefoot. Fundamentally, I want it to be like a David Lynch thing, where people feel on edge, as if they’ve entered another world for 50 minutes.”

Pizzorno says he knows he can never compete with Kasabian’s enormous gigs – those gigantic, truck-bearing affairs with catering teams and staff everywhere. “But the aim is to get to that same euphoric point,” he says, “just in a whole new way.”

The SLP is out now. The tour starts on 5 September at Glasgow SWG3.

[duchessanon]

For the Love of Henri: Tome 5 - Kiss From A Rose

Here's what you missed: https://royalfandombible.blogspot.com/2019/01/for-love-of-henri-my-fanfiction.html

What you missed in summary: Prince Henri married a beautiful pauper girl named Philanthropina (Phily). Together they had baby Libby and adopted Prince George. His evil brother and sister in law were banished from the kingdom for their evil deeds. All was well until Henri decided to bid on Meghan Markle at a charity function. She then bid on the outcast Cambridges. Kate and Meg decided to come together to overthrow Phily.

---

At the footstep of the not £4 million cottage, Henri, Meghan Markle, Willy, Kate and Charlotte stood in anticipation.

Henri put his best stern face on. 'Now I must set some ground rules before we go in. My darling Phily will not be expecting any houseguests. You MUST behave, wear undergarments at all times and not use curse words. All that agree say "aye"'.

Everyone said aye apart from Charlotte who said 'aye aye me bastard'.

Henri gasped in dismay. But Kate, who was keen to impress Henri did the unexpected and disciplined her child.

'Charlotte, wash your mouth out! No Game of Thrones for you tonight'.

'BUSYBODY!!!' Charlotte screamed.

Just then the door of the humble cottage opened and a light so bright emerged. It was so heavenly that it took a moment to notice it was coming from Phily and her cherub of her baby daughter, Libby.

'Speak of the devil and she will come' Willy snickered, and Kate elbowed him in the nethers.

'Henri my love, is everything ok?' she asked sweetly. 'I heard a commotion'.

Phily was dressed the same haggard, brown ensemble she was wearing the day they met. She was not ashamed of her roots as a pauper girl.

'Yes my dear' Henri stuttered, kissing her soiled, hardworking feet. 'We have some visitors'.

Phily was no doubt surprised to see the Cambridges and a random beautiful woman on her door step. But she would never turn anyone away from her door.

'Come in brother, sister and unknown woman', she said selflessly.

During this interaction, Meg had been quietly observing. She needed to be smart if she was going to win over Henri's heart. But every one knew a way to a man's heart is through his nethers, so she touched him on the place she knew to be every man's weak spot - his back.

Henri was startled at the feel someone's hand on his back. No-one did that apart from Phily. But not in a domineering way, in a gentle, supportive way that never implied he was a cuckhold. He knew it could be no one but Meghan Markle. But instead of disgust, Henri felt that uncontrolable nether shudder.

As Phily welcomed the Cambridges, Charlotte greeted her brother George and Libby by rapping Nicki Minaj's 'Monster' while standing on Phily's self made, recycled, environmentally friendly dinner table.

"OK first things first I'll eat your brains Then I'm a start rocking gold teeth and fangs 'cause that's what a motherfucking monster do Hair dresser from Milan that's the monster do

Monster Giuseppe heel, that's the monster shoe

Big Lizzie is the roster and a monster crew

But really, really I don't give a F-U-C-K Forget Georgie, fuck Libby 'cause she's fake She's on a diet but her pockets eating cheese cake And I'll say bride of Chucky is Child's play Just killed another career it's a mild day

Now look at what you just saw This is what you live for Aaaahhh, I'm a motherfucking monster!"

***Musical interlude*** https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yTkEpkGKgoY

The next morning Henri explained that their visitors were only there for 5 days as per the rules of the auction. Phily cooked up a sustainable breakfast and to her shock Kate offered to wash everything up.

'They really have changed' Phily said to Henri, who was weaving baskets for the poor with Libby. 'Even William is taking an interest in his son', she smiled in a motherly way.

Willy and George were weaving baskets next to the window, out of earshot.

'I hate this place!' George said sulkily 'they make me go to a pauper school that they dont have to pay for'.

'You dont say', Willy said smirking, his limited cogs turning in his brain. 'They took a school place from a pauper child, did they?'

'Don't even try it Pops. They offset it by building a new wing of the school with their bare hands and that stupid Phily volunteers as a music teacher too.'

'Ass lickers' Willy scowled. He really hoped he could get in touch with all the tabloids and plant negative stories.

Despite this setback, Willy was happy to see that nature had won over nurture and George had demanded to change his name back from Philip, and had not given in to doing any philanthropy.

Over at the kitchen sink, Kate had enlisted help from Meg with the dishes.

'Right bitch, how we gonna get rid that busybody Phily?' Kate said licking a plate clean and handing it to Meg to dry with Phily's wedding dress, which she had mistaken for a dishcloth.

'Well H will be a breeze, when I passed him after I'd taken a dump this morning, I saw him slap his nethers', Meg said sneakily.

Kate cackled, 'today's the day you make your move, I'll distract Phily, you get him to kiss you, George will take a photo and tweet it to Piers Morgan and we're done!'

'How you gonna distract her?' Meg asked.

Kate winked at Meg. At least she tried, but she couldnt wink so she just blinked instead. 'Watch and learn from the master'.

Kate stumbled into the basket weaving area, clutching her stomach, 'oooh ouch owwww ooooh'.

Phily ran over immediately. With her medical degree, she could solve any problem, 'sister, whatever is the matter?'

Just then, Kate pulled up her skirt, revealing a small head. 'I-i-i-i'm giving birth!'

'WHAT THE FUCK!' Charlotte screamed.

Willy stayed where he was and said nonchlantly, 'you're preggers again?'

'What does it look like dipshit! Sorry Phily I dont mean to curse, it's just painful you know?'

Phily tried to understand, but in reality pain during childbirth is the one thing on earth she couldnt relate to, for hers was pain free.

Ushering Kate onto the handmade couch, Phily went into full midwife mode, sending Henri to get warm towels.

Kate blinked as a signal to Meg and she followed him up the ricketty staircase.

At the towel cupboard upstairs, Meg began to sob.

'Oh dear, Meghan, what be the matter?!' Henri asked with a genuine concern that his brother could never muster.

Meg sniffed, pulling out her best acting skills, 'oh it's just so emotional seeing new life coming into the world'

'There there' said Henri, patting her on the arm.

'Oh H!' she wailed, falling into his arms. She puckered up her lips and launched at his mouth. But before she could land the kiss, Henri turned his cheek.

Around the corner, George snapped the photo using a camera he'd stolen from 'that cry baby' photographer Garther Tedwards.

Although Henri's nethers were now beating like the Beychella marching band, his love for Phily overwhelmed him.

'Stop Meghan Markle! I beg of you', he hollered .

Meg was taken aback by his rejection, 'I'm so sorry H! Please forgive me'. She fled down the ricketty staircase.

Kate was on the couch legs akimbo screaming expletives at Willy, who was now reluctantly sitting next to his wife to assist with the birth.

"FUCK YOU!!!! DID I ASK YOU TO SIT NEXT TO ME YOU BASTARD/BITCH???? FUCK YOU CUNTHOLE!!! FUCK YOU!!!"

Willy chuckled to himslef as he remembered Henri's ex girlfriend, the beautiful Jimmu, who had now somehow possessed Kate.

"IF THIS FUNNY TO YOU NOW??? BLOODY CUNTING BITCH!!! FUCK YOU CUNT!!! FUCK OFF & SHOWVE YOUR HEAD UP YOUR ASS YOU CUNT!!! FUCKING WHORE!!! NOW YOUR OFF MY NICE LIST YOU CUNT!!!"

Meghan held up an X sign to show Kate the plan had failed, which didn't help the situation.

Shortly after, Henri emerged with George and Garthur's camera, trying to explain why stealing was wrong. Curiously, the Cambridge children were the only children in the entire world Henri could not make like him.

After a few long minutes, the baby was ready to come out. Kate pushed one more time and felt something drop onto the couch.

'Is it out?!!!' she yelled.

Phily checked, 'no sister, you've just passed your bowels. Not to worry, keep trying'.

Kate was enraged that Phily would suggest this. 'All I'm good for is making babies, you think I dont know the difference bitch! YOUR BORN A PAUPER & YET YOU EXPECT ME TO BELIEVE YOU EWITH YOUR SHIT COMMENT??? FUCK OFF MOTHER FUCKER I DIDN’T ASK YOU"'

Phily, remaining calm, picked up the brown item with her bare hands, noting in her head that Kate should eat more fruit, and showed it to her.

Kate grabbed the excrement at once and threw it in Willy's face. This delighted Charlotte who danced around him in a circle chanting 'shit face, shit face'.

Finally, sick of being inside such a woman, the baby pushed itself out and landed in Phily's arms. 'William, Catherine - it's a boy', she beamed.

The Camridges faked happiness, but Henri and Phily were genuinely delighted.

'What will you call him?' Phily said, cradling the baby as Kate wanted to watch Real Housewives rather than hold him.

'Shit baby!' Charlotte suggested, but no one agreed.

'Well actually he could have a name related to his arrival' Willy said. 'How about Loo?'

'Loo is the British slang term for toilet' Henri explained to Meg.

'I have an idea!' Meg said. 'Louis - but like Loo - wee'. Kate shrugged in agreeement. 

'You want to name this cherub after a toilet and urine?' Phily asked, feeling sorry for the baby despite the fact he was biting her finger with his gummy mouth.

'You have a problem with my parenting decisions Phily?' Kate asked, almost threateningly.

'Never!' Phily gasped in horror. She would never dream of being so stupid as to judge a woman on what she named, or how she held her baby.

'Charlotte darling, why dont you sing a little song to celebrate Loowee's arrival' Willy said.

Charlotte immediately began a rendition of Lily Allen's 'Fuck you'.

"Fuck you Fuck you very, very much 'Cause your words don't translate And it's getting quite late So please don't stay in touch Do you get Do you get a little kick out of being slow-minded? You want to be like your father It's approval you're after Well that's not how you find it"

 ***Musical interlude***  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OK4fJhbRL1g

---

Two days later, while Phily, Henri and Libby were on an engagement, Meghan finally got a chance to speak to Kate again. She had been busy watching the Real Housewives marathon and telling Loowee to pipe down.

'What we gonna do about H?' Meg asked. 'He's been avoiding me since Loowee's birth'

'It's obvious he's not gonna ditch that halfwit willingly. We gotta get rid of her - for good! It's time for drastic action'. Kate pressed her engagement ring, she had a button installed in it so it would send a shock up Willy's ass when she needed him.

Willy came running, 'yes babykins?'

'Gimme your phone'.

Willy handed it over relutantly. Kate opened his messages and found his conversation with someone only identified by a Rose emoji. She texted quickly - 'get 2 Nott Cott now'.

Five minutes later there was a knock at the door. When Meg opened it, a woman who could have been a Kate impersonator stood before her. 

'Meg, Rose, Rose, Meg' Kate said, not bothering with formal introductions. Willy looked sheepish in the corner (allegedly).

Meg didnt know who Rose allegedly was but she didn't care. She just wanted to know how she could help her ensnare H.

Kate explained the plan. 'As soon as Phily gets home, we're gonna feed her an apple dosed with botox. Phily is allergic to anything superficial so she'll become drowsy. That's where Rose comes in. She's a witch and with one kiss, Phily will be gone.'

Meg considered the implications of killing the future queen, but came to the conclusion it was worth it.

And so the plan was set. Meg wrote 'you are so loved Phily' on an apple and Kate injected it with the botox she always kept in her bra.

When Phily got home, she was full of the joys of spring. 'We met the most wonderful disadvantaged people today', she beamed. 'I just love saving people'.

Henri smiled lovingly at his wife, 'and they love you, belle'.

'Speaking of love!' Meg said. 'You must take this gift'. She handed her the apple and Phily was touched.

'How wonderful! I will eat it later' she said.

'No you must eat it now sister' Kate said, wearing a full hooded cloak.

'But it's time for dinner' said Phily.

'So what, eat it!' George said impatiently.

'Yeh Phily, why you gotta be so busybody?' Charlotte added.

'Oh no I really shouldnt' Phily said innocently.

'Just eat the fucking apple!' said a voice from the window. They all turned around and Philpot was riding past on his horse and cart.

'Well if grandfather says so' Phily said. She bit into the apple and immediately felt a little faint as the botox hit her pure blood.

Elegantly, she fell into Henri's big, strong arms.

'Mon amour!' Henri yelled, carrying her up the ricketty stairs swiftly.

'Oh no, what has happened?' Meg said. Her acting ability really was wasted on Suits.

'There must've been something artificial in the apple' Henri said, laying her on their handmade bed.

'How could there be?' said Kate. 'It's from your very own Orchard For the Hungry'.

Phily was still breathing but was confused.

Henri was devestated at the thought that his orchard might be to blame.

'It's ok Henners, I know a great doctor that is THE expert on allergies'. Meg said.

Just then there was a knock at the bedroom door and Rose allegedly entered wearing a white doctor's coat.

'Here she is now, this is Dr Rose, allegedly', Meg said.

Henri didnt have time to question how she got there so fast, so just said in a panicked voice, 'Dr Allegedly, please help my wife!'

'Everyone who is male and under 2 years of age must leave the room' said Rose.

'No I can not leave her!' Henri wailed, falling at Phily's bedside.

George at once knew it was his time to shine because his father was too dimwitted to defuse this situation.

'Uncle Henri, please could you tell me again why one should never dress as a member of a fascist, murdering political party? I just dont understand why it's so bad' George said sweetly.

Henri knew at once that his greater calling was to teach George right from wrong. It is what Phily would want.

He left the room with one last glance at Phily who was humming 'Once upon a dream'.

That left Kate, Meg, Rose, Charlotte and Phily.

'Get it done Rose!' whispered Kate.

'In order for the enchantment to work, you must all join hands and sing the death kiss soundtrack, the underrated classic 'Kiss from a rose' by Seal'.

***Musical interlude*** https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AMD2TwRvuoU

Rose kissed Phily on the lips, as the others encircled them singing hypnotically.

A pink mist left Phily's mouth and was inhaled by Rose. 'It is done'.

There was a moment of silence before Kate fell at Rose's feet and looked deeply in her eyes as she sang.

"You remain

My power, my pleasure, my pain.

To me you're like a growing addiction that I can't deny, yeah

Won't you tell me is that healthy, baby.

But did you know, That when it snows,

My eyes become large and the light that you shine can be seen."

Meg gasped. She had been foolish. It was Kate who was allegedly having an affair with Rose, not allegedly Willy!

She didnt have time for that revelation now. She needed to check Phily was really gone.

Checking her pulse, she waited for a few moments until suddenly she felt it beat.

'Damn it Rose, she's alive!' Meg said, losing her temper.

'ARE YOU DUMB, BITCH??!' screamed Charlotte.

Rose rushed over from her alleged embrace with Kate, who had shed her cloak and was now in a real snake skin body suit.

She checked her pulse, and discovered Meg was correct. Her pulse was beating every 19.84 seconds - the year of Henri's birth.

'Oh fuck' Rose allegedly said. 'I've only heard about this happening in fairytales. When the love between husband and wife is pure, the kiss will not work to its full effect'.

Meg screamed into her hands. 'How can it be pure when H's nethers react to me?'

'That is simply a test from Jesu. The point is, Henri has resisted your advances, thus proving the purity of his love'. Rose explained to the room.

At this point, Charlotte lost it. She wanted to be back in her £4 million apartment, not this shitty dive.

'I don’t need a damn explanation about what she asked. Seriously do not act too smart about teaching me things. Asshole answer the question do not even try to be a bloody smart ass. Seriously pisses me off!!!' she yelled.

Rose looked at Kate quizically.

'A bout of Jimmutitus' Kate shrugged.

'What do we do?!' Meg said desperately.

'As long as Henri doesnt suck Phily's toe, the curse will remain in place and the princess will remain in a slumber forever' said Rose.

Kate stroked her chin, 'so technically, we could just SAY Phily's dead? As long as we keep any qualified medical staff away from her?'.

'I guess' Rose said. 'Can I go now?'.

'Yeah, bye', Kate said.

'How are we gonna keep everyone away from Phily?' Meg asked. 

By this point Kate was running out of patience with her co-conspirator and her incessant questions.

'HEY FUCKER, DID I ASK YOU ANYTHING???? DID I??? MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS!!!' Kate screamed.

'Uh oh you've done it now' Charlotte sniggered.

Meghan was stunned, 'but I-i-i-i was just asking, we're running out of time'

'WHO THE FUCK ASKED YOU BITCH FOR YOUR SHIT OPINION??? BLOODY FUCKING BITCH!!! GET A LIFE!!!'

'Ok ok I'm sorry Kate!'

'MAYBE IF YOU HAD SHUT THE FUCK UP I WOULDN'T BE SCOLDING YOU NOW!!! FUCKER!!! Just shut up and let me think'.

Kate closed her eyes and thought for approximately 10 seconds. In the meantime, Charlotte took off her sock and stuffed it in Meg's mouth to stop any more questions.

When Kate was done thinking, she strode over to the window and flung it open. Beneath her was the sprawling gardens of Kensington Palace.

She took a deep breath and yodelled out of the window 'EUUUUUUGBEEEEEEEEEEEEEA!!!!!!'

Meghan wanted to ask who Eugbea was but she didnt dare.

Within 5 seconds, a figure came running up the lawn. Charlotte leant on the window frame watching the woman run 'urgh her dress is SO tragic'.

'Meg get over here, lean your head back like this', Kate said.

Both woman stuck their heads out of the window and their hair tumbled to the ground.

When Eugbea reached the bottom of the window, she said 'I think I should go up the stairs'

'SHOVE WHAT THE FUCK YOU THINK UP YOUR FUCKING ASS!!! Get up here!' Kate hollered.

Eugbea knew better than to argue and began climbing up the wall using the hair as ropes. Finally she made it to the top and clambered into the bedroom.

As soon as she saw Phily lying unconscious on the bed, she let out an inhumane wail. Phily was like the sister Eugbea never had.

'There there, let it out' Kate said, patting her back, suddenly kind. Charlotte stood underneath her catching her tears in her hands.

As usual, Meghan was perplexed so Charlotte filled her in whispering 'this is Eugbea, a blood princess. Blood princesses cry diamond tears so I'm collecting them to make a cage for Phily.'

Meg didnt understand how Charlotte had worked all of this out in the minute that had gone past, but she wanted it to work so bad that she too patted Eugbea's back.

Eugbea turned around nervously at the touch, 'w-w-who are you?'

'No time for that' Kate said, poking her in the eye.

Eugbea cried even more until there were enough diamonds to build the cage.

At once, Charlotte threw the diamonds in the air and they cascaded down in the shape of a dome around Phily, creating a solid diamond barrier.

Once they had ensured nobody could get through it by repeatedly shoving Eugbea against it, Kate pushed her back out of the window and slammed it shut.

'We ready girls? Put on your best sad faces'. They all turned their smiles upside down and Kate pressed her engagement ring.

Willy came flying up the stairs with the boys and Libby. Henri stormed towards his love.

'What is this!' he asked in dismay, looking at Phily through the dome.

Meg began to cry dramatically, 'Dr Rose did everything she could but it wasnt enough, she's gone!!!'

Henri fell flat on his back like a plank, 'NoOoOoOoOoOoOoooooooOOOO!'

Libby ran over and began to sing 'Memory' from Cats in a beautiful operatic voice (the musical version, not the movie one because Libby had refined tastes).

"Touch meeeeee,

It is so easy to leave meeeeee

All alone with the memoryyyyyyyy

Of my days in the suuun

If you touch me,

You'll understand what happiness is

Look, a new day has beguuuuuuuuun"

***Musical interlude*** https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pm5w7gHEtJI

----

No public outcry was big enough for Phily. So the royal family decided to send her diamond tomb around the commonwealth via boat (not environmentally unfriendly jet) so her people could say goodbye personally. She was pulled over dying land on a horse and cart, and people threw seeds at her tomb instead of flowers. This meant that the land would become nourished once more.

Even when dead, Phily was working.

After 6 months of travelling, she returned to the UK and was placed in the Windsor Castle tomb with all the greatest kings and queens of England. Luckily for Meg, no one had noticed that Phily was indeed alive.

Henri was devestated but continued to work, alongside Libby.

The public love for Phily had meant that the Cambridges were provisionally forgiven and they moved back into KP on the condition that they undertook at least one engagement a year.

Meghan Markle had remained in Nottingham Cottage to support Henri while flying (not boating) back and forth to Canada to film her show Suits.

Meg had not tried to seduce Henri's nethers as she knew she must gain the public's trust first and act as a good friend.

But she couldnt wait any longer. Since Kate had moved home, she wanted nothing more to do with Meg, so she had concocted a new plan all by herself.

One evening, Henri was carving scultptures for the PPPCT - Princess Philanthropina Pauper Conservation Trust. Meg was in the kitchen roasting a chicken and wafting the smell towards Henri to replicate the cozy vibes Phily always managed to make.

'H, I was thinking for the 6 months anniversary of Phily's passing, we should have an event, the public need to be cheered up' she said, sounding philanthropic.

'A wonderful idea to think of the people of Britain and the commomwealth Meghan, what shall we do?'

'Mmmmmm, well what cheers the British more than anything?' she asked innocently.

'There are only 2 things that cheer Brits. Winning a sport and a royal wedding for a SENIOR member of the family', Henri said.

Meg smirked to herself, he'd bought it hook, line and sinker. 'We cant cheat in sport so maybe a royal wedding is our only option!'

'But we have no single members left that are loved enough' H said dumbly.

Meg rolled her eyes behind his back. 'Well you are single H, and no one is more loved than you!'

H gasped. 'I couldn't!'

Meg, wearing a British flag dress batted her eyelashes. 'Phily is gone and she'd want you to be happy. But she'd want you to make the British people happier'.

H thought for 1.5 seconds and decided she was right. He scolded himself for being selfish, Phily WOULD want him to serve the people above anything else.

'You're right Meghan, but who would I marry?'

'It's funny you asked because I found this in between Phily's reuable sanitary pads' she pulled out a ring box and opened it. Inside was a diamond engagement ring. 'Phily must have had it made, just in case this happened'.

H wept, 'oh my love was so kind!'.

Meg accidently on purpose dropped it on the floor and when Henri gallantly bent on one knee to pick it up, she yelled 'YES!'

'Um what?'

'YES I'LL MARRY YOU!' she grabbed Henri by the collar and pulled him into a hug, planting a big kiss on his perfect lips.

Henri was speechless. It seemed he had just proposed.

And just like that, Meghan Markle and Henri, the Prince of the People, were engaged to be married!

[solemncadaver]

Friendsim Trolls According to my Girlfriend who hasn’t played Friendsim

Ardata (Cobalt): w... who took bites out of her horns? Can and will kill you in your sleep. Plotting evil plans 23/7 (the 24th hour is for drinking coffee with LOTS of milk and sugar)

Diemen (Rust): Always eating food (why is that hot dog bun GREEN-), will never call you by your name, only nicknames like bro, dude, man etc, probably owns a skateboard but can't drive it

Cirava (Gold): Oo funky! Has a horrible backstory and doesn't talk about it EVER, is chill all the time, likes 70s-80s fashion and actually wears it with style! Is as extra as the fact they've got 4 horns

Amisia (Indigo): definitely an artist! The "weird kid", has not slept in 5 days because she just HAD to finish that one painting, cuts her own hair with scissors not meant for cutting hair yet it looks amazingly good! Probably either super pure and nice or will kill you if you breathe in her direction

Bronya (Jade): The cool big sister, helps you do your makeup and dye your hair, if you hurt one of her friends those boots will land in your face, probably has a tumblr with aesthetic images

Skylla (Bronze): Yeehaw howdy pardner! Isn't only from a ranch, she OWNS one! Can and will punch you for no reason, makes you do her chores if you wanna stay at her place, has never seen a hairbrush in her life

Tagora (Teal): Tries his best to be edgy and frightening, sometimes almost fails at that, could be in one of those "barber: say no more fam" memes, thinks he's an evil overlord but is actually just a delinquent, probably doesn't get a redemption arc and only like 2 people are mad about that

Vikare (Bronze): Wants to be a pilot/is a pilot but DON'T TRUST THEM WITH AN AIRPLANE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, pretends wearing that pilot hat is a fashion choice when in reality they can't take it off again with those horns, nobody has ever seen them sleep and people are concerned

Polypa (Olive): The most feral being (or she fell down the stairs and is mad about it), problems balancing with only one eye able to see, could claw out your heart and not bat an eye, the hole in her horn is from when someone tried to take her out, nobody has ever seen that person afterwards

Zebruh (Indigo): Looks like an ASSHOLE. What are his horns doing they're not pointed that's not how horns should work, very smug! Has a shitty job and is pretentious about it to people w/o a job, looks like the cryptic bartender in a stereotypical drama thriller that the detective has to interview to know who killed the rich guy's wife

Elwurd (Cobalt): Look at those extra af horns! Def owns a motorcycle, flirty but has never received actual affection, has a mental breakdown every 2 days but pretends EVERYTHING'S FINE, makes 5 puns a minute

Folykl & Kuprum (Gold): What a goal: Carry your bud around in your giant ass backpack! I......don't know who is who tbh but! They both have cool spider looking horns! The best evidence for 'opposites attract', the only friends they have are each other, secretly planning to overthrow the government

Remele (Cobalt): The x on her left eye symbolizes that she has found her next victim. It's you. Run. Could probably use her horn as a climbing hook, v passive aggressive, makes her own clothes, works out a lot and is stronger than she looks

Konyyl (Olive): My fight, flight or flirt instincts have been activated. Could snap you in half by looking at you yet can be super soft if she wants to (you gotta be REAL close to her though), likes matcha ice cream and yells at it when it melts, is NOT tidy

Chixie (Bronze): Shy babey. Will probably be interrupted 3 times when trying to speak because she's just so quiet, has been left on her own and now has no idea how to survive yet is too shy to ask for the way. Someone come help her please.

Tyzias (Teal): Bored college student. Will NOT help you in an emergency so don't even ask. Secretly likes cryptids, is Done (tm), nobody has ever seen her outside of campus, roasts people in the most monotone voice ever

Chahut (Purple): F-... fear ':)? Eh, that's probably just paint! Right? Right???... Is probably being forced to do horrible things, can't remember their childhood, looks scary but only unintentionally, I'd still smooch tbh

Azdaja (Gold): Reminds me of that ching prince from FMA:B tbh, has a weird aesthetic going on, has the upper hand everywhere without trying, probably has 3 fake names, is always cool but can slip up and make goofy remarks

Zebede (Gold): Smol round boi! Probably played soccer in 5th grade, now makes v interesting and functional machines from Lego, probably owned a pet hamster at some point, has no sense of danger

Tegiri (Teal): Is that a KATANA-.... Still not out of his weeb phase, is VERY devoted to his aesthetic, talks either in one word sentences or dramatic quotes from a show nobody has seen, shop owner who sells you weapons

Mallek (Cobalt): Oh look it your hubby! He looks like a trickster tbh yet all the fanart looks sweet and pure!? (Also how do you pierce horns-) how many piercings has he though? Is there fanart- 👀... anyways he kinda looks like the popular kid and the emo kid combined, but like in a good way!?! Probably has a secret key for the whole town that he shouldn't have, can store everything in that hoodie pocket (it's like Hermione's bag :3!)

Lynera (Jade): Looks like the weird art/music teacher, v nice though! Has a lot of weird hobbies that her friends politely decline to join, likes to bake for everyone, likes children or absolutely loathes them

Galekh (Indigo): Is this Roman from Sanders Sides? Jdhdkd he looks like the strict angry teacher, will absolutely refuse giving help and does not allow any flaws (both in you and in himself) can spot someone doing illegal things from a mile away, is not afraid to call people out

Tirona (Teal): Look at that spider hair! Looks good 👉👉, is probs v shy and awkward but tries to talk to everyone anyways, has some exotic pets that she doesn't tell anyone about bc someone once said it's weird, just wants to be accepted, clumsy af

Boldir (Olive): Hiding ..... something ...., private but not stealthy investigator, is distracted way too easily, is the detective I mentioned back at Zebruh's, v loyal, will absolutely get you arrested if you're *in the way*

Stelsa (Teal): Looks like a cool but bitchy mom, probably gets a manicure every week, she looks just like my mom which is scary wth, will not hesitate to roast Karen at the school bake sale, those lemon bars are horrible KAREN, why didn't you let your third husband help K A R E N

Karako (Purple): What- ?

I-.... I'm confused! But okay!

Never makes sense, nobody has ever seen them eat or sleep, appears in your room at 2 am when you have sleep paralysis

Marsti (Rust): Probably is like the classic mechanic, can weld 👌👏👉👉👍, is done with everyone's bullshit but will still try to help (occasionally), drinks too many energy drinks and not enough water, everyone asks her for favors and she is having none of it

Charun (Olive): Peaceful gardener, don't stand in their sun and they won't bother whatever you do, just wants a little farm house near a small town with his pet cat, don't walk on their vegetables or they'll chase you with a rake

Wanshi (Jade): Just a nice person. A total sweetheart. Just wants to have fun, very optimistic, the most functional person you'll ever meet, drinks a lot of green tea and hot chocolate

Fozzer (Rust): Nice person but not very bright, doesn't know how electronics work, has a flip phone from like 2006 and that's enough for him, has a lot of houseplants but can't really keep them alive

Marvus (Purple): 👀👀👀 You know how I think about him (😭🍀😏😎🍀💖🌾❤ 11/10 best ti🅱🅱y window would allow him to stab me)

Daraya (Jade): Smol but will fight you. Is super done and will not help you, but also won't stop you. Probably has 2-4 knifes somewhere on her body at all time.

Nihkee (Indigo): Looks like a pirate captain + professional wrestler in one, like! Probably drinks their coffee black just so people respect them more, will show off every trophy they have (a lot) if someone decides to listen to them

Lanque (Jade): 👀👀👀👍 the most dramatic and salty being alive, v stylish, takes 2 hours a day just to get ready, probably has 16 meetings a day, could work as a model, will cut anyone and everyone that says he should change something about him

Soleil (Purple): Ah yes, the obligatory twins. Probably cursed by a spiteful witch at birth, have never been seen seperate, occasionally like to scare people by pretending to be the twins from shining

I’m crying

[sinsofstrays]

DAYDREAM NO. 5

                                  ---PART VIII - STRANGER---

Sungjin coughs loudly as he weakly sits up from his bed. Younghyun looks over to him and frowns.

“Hey, lay back down.” He tells him sweetly.

“If I sleep any longer, I’m going to go insane.” Sungjin replies, swinging his legs off the bed.

“You’re sick. You need the rest.”

Sungjin glares to his younger as he slowly stands to his feet, going over to the door. “I need to work.”

Younghyun rolls his eyes at his stubborn brother. “Okay, but if you get worse, don’t cry to me.”

Sungjin groans as he leaves the room. He uses the wall to keep himself stable, having to stop every few steps to cough into his sleeve. His body freezes as someone round the corner at the end of the hall. Dowoon stares down at him as he makes his way over. Sungjin tries his best to straighten his body to bow to his leader. Dowoon reaches him and crosses his arms.

“Why are you out of bed?” Dowoon growls at him.

“I’m not that sick. I can still work, sir.” Sungjin tries to hide his stomach pains.

Dowoon nods. “Ah, in that case, your mission is to get the fuck back in bed.” He points to the room. “Go!”

Sungjin sighs, trying not to get frustrated by his boss. He rolls his eyes as he turns around. Dowoon notices and smacks the back of his head. Sungjin pauses but decides to just quietly go to the room. Dowoon continues down the hall, walking into the room beside Sungjin’s.

Jaehyung looks up from his bed, jumping when his door is opened. He stands quickly, bowing to Dowoon. Dowoon greets him and sits on the bed across from his.

“Jaehyung-” Dowoon pauses to look over, making sure he is listening. “I want you to know, I've been very proud of you, lately.”

“Thank you, sir.” Jaehyung nods.

“I know it's been difficult without Wonpil but you've proven your strength over the past few days. I want to see that rage come out of you again like when you buried that hammer into Wooyoung's head.” He sees Jaehyung's mouth twitch upwards. “You know you have it in you, as well. Jaehyung, I doubt I'll make it alive through this year. And Admin and I both agree that you should be the next leader for DAYDREAM.”

“I'm honored, sir but-” he sighs. “I really don't want to disappoint you.”

“You can't disappoint a dead man, Jaehyung.” he stands. “Prove your strength even more and maybe I can just retire early, instead.”

Jaehyung chuckles but keeps his head down. “Then-” he stops as his chest tightens. “From now on, I will become the monster you always wanted me to be.”

“Good boy.” Dowoon pats him on the back and makes his exit.

Sungjin rolls on his side and stares over at Younghyun. Younghyun looks up as he lets out a loud groan. He raises a brow and questions him.

“My back is killing me. Can you please work this knot out of my shoulder.” Sungjin weakly props himself up by his elbow.

“I guess, come here.” Younghyun waves him over to his bed.

Sungjin crawls his way over, sitting heavily on Younghyun's bed and taking his shirt off. “You're amazing.”

“Mm, I bet.” He begins to dig his thumbs into Sungjin's shoulder blades.

Sungjin holds his breath through the pain, also finding it relaxing. He lets out a gasp as it feels like something stings his skin. “Ah, what was that?”

Younghyun looks at him confused. “What?”

“N-nothing. It just felt like a bee sting almost.”

“I may have hit a nerve or something.”

Sungjin nods, yelling out in pain as Younghyun works the knots out more. After another minute or so, Sungjin pulls away and thanks him. He flops heavily on his own bed, feeling nauseous. His head aches as he buries his face in his pillows.

“Just leave me to die.” Sungjin muffles into the fabric.

“Okay.” Younghyun stands up and walks out.

Sungjin props himself up by his elbows and stares confused at the door. Why is Younghyun acting so cold? He blinks before his head hits the pillow again.

Younghyun glares forward as he walks down the hallway. He buries his fists into his pants pockets to keep them from shaking. His elbow bumps against the door to Dowoon's office as he opens it. The room is empty but he isn't looking for his boss, anyway. He moves his feet towards the desk at the end of room.

His hand reaches down to the cabinet and pulls it open. He tugs a folder out of its slot, sitting heavily into the chair behind him. The silence in the room almost drives him insane as he reads through the file.

Name: Park Sungjin Birthday: 1-16-93 Organization: DAYDREAM, Sunrise (Former) ID Number: 6247

Notes:...Overthrew Sunrise after a war between No. 5 and Sunrise broke out. Killed all but two of his agents, Junho (now of No. 5) and Wonpil (now of DAYDREAM)...VERY DANGEROUS...Joined police after being forced to shut his organization down.

The more Younghyun reads, the more he feels nauseous. He gasps and jumps as he hears the door open. The file falls to the floor as he scrambles to his feet. Dowoon cocks his head to the side and glares at the boy who seems caught in a headlight.

“What are you doing in here?” Dowoon smiles but it sends a chill down Younghyun's spine.

“I-uh-um.” Younghyun stumbles on his words, hitting the edge of the desk as he scrambles around it.

He attempts to run out but Dowoon grabs his arm. “Why are you keeping secrets from me?” Dowoon walks around to his desk and sees the papers on the ground. “What’s this? Sungjin’s file?”

“It’s not what it look like-”

“It looks like you were going through my things without permission.”

--

Sungjin jumps awake as the door to the bedroom is thrown open. He looks over and sees Younghyun charging towards him. His lip is busted and his cheekbone is beginning to purple. Sungjin is surprised when the younger grabs him and pulls him up.

“Fuck you! You lying piece of shit!” Younghyun spits at him.

“What did I do?” Sungjin coughs, staring in complete confusion. “What happened?”

“You never cared about the police, you were just a fucking spy for your pathetic mob!”

“No! I promise, I just wanted to start a new life!”

Younghyun throws a punch at Sungjin, hitting him in the jaw. “Now, I understand why you fit in so well, here.” He shakes him. “Did you even fucking care about me or was that a ploy to weaken our force?”

“Younghyun, stop!” He pushes him in the chest making him stumble back. “I never wanted to weaken any forces. I did care about you and I still fucking do! I hated being in Sunrise so much that I changed my entire identity and found a better life.”

“Who the fuck are you then? Or were? If Sunrise was so awful then why did you overthrow it?”

Sungjin stares the the ground and carefully sits on the bed as he gets dizzy. “I had to overthrow them to destroy it. I let Wonpil escape because he was my partner and I know he hated it as much as I did. I never wanted to join in the first place but I needed money. It was so fucking stupid of me. The old me is forever in the past. I’m happy with who I am now.”

“No. You don’t get to keep secrets from me anymore, Sungjin. Tell me who you really fucking are.”

“No.”

Sungjin stares up at Younghyun, feeling his chest tighten. Younghyun screams in anger and grabs Sungjin’s throat, slamming him down into the bed. He gets on top of his body, trying not to break down and cry. Sungjin digs his nails into Younghyun’s wrist, widening his eyes as the younger pulls something from under his jacket. Younghyun clutches a syringe filled with a red liquid. He strikes it down, piercing Sugnjin’s shoulder. Sungjin yells and throws Younghyun off of him. Younghyun hits the floor hard as Sungjin rips the needle from his skin.

He throws the syringe across the room and picks Younghyun up from the ground. His head spins as he finds it hard to keep his footing.

“What did you do?” Sungjin’s vision blurs slightly.

“I’m getting rid of you.”

Sungjin’s eyes begin to water as he weakly grabs onto Younghyun’s jacket. “Please, don’t do this.”

“Why should I care? Everything I knew about you was a lie. You’re just another stranger to me.”

Sungjin feels his knees weaken and lowers himself to the floor. “I swear I love you, Younghyun. I promised to protect you and I always have. If I was a liar, then you wouldn’t be alive right now.”

Younghyun’s body shakes with anger and sadness as he leans down over Sungjin. “Maybe I would have been better off.”

Sungjin pulls his body into Younghyun’s lap as his head gets heavy. Younghyun closes his eyes and lets his tears fall from them. He wraps his arms around Sungjin as his cries get louder. Sungjin trembles weakly in his grasp, slowly losing consciousness.  

“I never meant to hurt you. That’s why I kept this all a secret. I loved you.”

Younghyun holds his breath as Sungjin drops his head into his chest. He pulls Sungjin’s body closer and sobs into this shoulder. With Sungjin’s last few seconds, he places his hand over Younghyun’s heart. His fingers twitch as he lets out one last breath before falling limp. Younghyun’s sobs fill the air as he places a hand softly over Sungjin’s already cooling cheek.

“I loved you, too.”

[duhragonball]

Vento Aureo Reread, JJBA Ch. 457-469

I don’t drink, so I’ve never understood how people who drink at meals will just pour up like two ounces and that’s supposed to last you the entire meal.   Dude’s got two dinner rolls, and I’m supposed to believe he won’t be thirsty?

For openers, I really like the look off this pizza slice Bruno’s eating.  Pizza is one of those things I never got when it comes to Italian food.    People act like it doesn’t count, because it’s so popular in the U.S.   I thought I read somewhere that it was actually invented in the U.S. as a bastardization of Italian food, like the chimichanga.   But here’s Bruno Bucellati eating a slice, and he’s a mafia guy and everything.  And Hirohiko Araki is super into Italy, so he wouldn’t get this wrong, would he?

Meanwhile, rumors are circulating within Passione that Polpo put all of his ill-gotten gains in a secret stash, which he hid right before he went to prison.   Now that Polpo is dead, that money is fair game to whoever finds it first.    Here, we see Zucchero discussing it with... some guy.   I’m not sure why Araki kept him in shadow.   On the first reading, I just assumed he was Sale, the Stand User working with Zucchero in the next story arc, only there’s no point in keeping his face hidden like this.  Also, after this mystery man explains how Bruno Bucellati was probably the one who hid the money, Zucchero vanishes, leaving him behind.   So it doesn’t add up that these two are in cahoots. 

It occurred to me that this guy could be the Boss, since the Boss is always depicted this way throughout most of Part 5.    And it makes sense that he would communicate with his underlings like this.    Zucchero seems to know this man reasonably well, but if he’s the Boss, Zucchero clearly doesn’t realize it. 

But I don’t understand why the Boss would spread these kinds of rumors.  The best I can come up with is that he knows his crew in Naples are going to try to go after the money, so he’s deliberately planting the idea in their heads, along with the reminder that whoever finds the stash could turn it into Passione in exchange for a promotion.   Alternately, he knows Bruno is already planning to do this, so he’s throwing a few obstacles in his path to test his mettle. 

Bruno’s plan to retrieve the money from its hiding place on Capri Island is threatened almost immediately when most of his team gets captured by a stowaway.   Bruno suggests that Abbachio can figure out how the enemy is able to hide three captives  and himself so easily, but Abbachio refuses because he’s a dick he doesn’t trust Giorno.   Giorno breaks the deadlock by letting himself get captured as well, leaving only Abbachio and Bruno to deal with their enemy. 

I don’t like Abbachio much, mostly because he’s constantly suspicious of Giorno, but for no particular reason.   At first, I thought this would lead to some interesting situations.   Bruno clearly looks to Abbachio as a second-in-command, but he’s secretly in league with Giorno to overthrow the Boss, so it makes sense for Abbachio to view Giorno as a rival, if not a possible threat to his position.    Except he never comes close to exposing Giorno’s secret ambition, so it makes it seem like he distrusted Giorno just to be a dick about it. 

That said, I find his Stand pretty interesting.    Moody Blues can recreate events from the past by “rewinding” to a specific time and then transforming itself into a particular person.   In this case, he uses it to observe Naranica’s every movement in the minutes leading up to his capture, so they can see how it was done.  

As it turns out, Zucchero’s Stand can “deflate” people and objects like balloons, allowing him to smuggle himself and his captives to almost any nook and cranny on their boat.  

But it’s more complicated than that, as Zucchero took the extra step of deflating a second ship and wrapping it around the first ship like a film.   He then hid in between the ships, allowing him to move virtually undetected.  Abbacchio managed to figure this out, but only by allowing himself to be captured as well, which is kind of a nice touch that he’d have to imitate Giorno’s methods to help Bruno succeed.  

The only real downside to Moody Blues is that it doesn’t have much else going for it, and while it’s replaying events from the past, it’s completely defenseless.  Still, the ability is dangerous to Stand Users like Zucchero, whose abilities are only useful when kept secret.  Arguably, Abbachio himself fits into that category as well, since he’s so careful about letting anyone else see his Stand in action. 

Abbachio also uses Moody Blues to discover that Zucchero contacted a partner.   The team works him over to find out more about him, but Zucchero won’t break.   Giorno suggests scouting ahead by turning a life preserver into a fish, which can carry him to Capri Island ahead of Bruno’s boat.  Intrigued by the idea of taking the offensive, Mista decides to go with him.

I like Mista because hes uncomplicated.   He judges Giorno by his inventiveness rather than trust, probably because Mista is confident enough in his own abilities that he doesn’t need to worry about trust.    Or maybe he knows trust is fluid in a criminal organization, so it’s not worth stressing out about it.  

Mista’s Stand, Sex Pistols, takes the form of six individual creatures, which ride the bullets of Mista’s gun, and kick them around like soccer balls to ensure they hit their target.   Mista is superstitious about the number 4, so the Sex Pistols are numbered 1 through 3, and 5 through 7.   Interestingly, the others always pick on #5, probably because they all know he’s really the fourth one of the set, no matter what his number says.   Unlike most Stands in JJBA, Sex Pistols is independently sentient, and they talk back to Mista and demand to be fed before doing any work. 

I’d say Mista’s biggest weakness is that his Stand is useless against other Stands.    The Sex Pistols have very little offensive power on their own.    Without bullets fired from a gun, they can’t do much damage, and bullets wouldn’t hurt a Stand.   So in any Stand Battle, Mista’s only choice is to attack the user, which isn’t always an option. 

For instance, when Mista fights Sale on a moving truck, his bullets prove to be useless, because Sale’s Stand, Kraft Werk, can lock any object into place simply by touching it.   So when Sale takes a bullet to the forehead, it only penetrates skin deep before his Stand freezes it.

I’ve always admired Araki’s ability to make false finishes in his fight scenes.    With Mista vs. Sale, I think I kind of get the idea of how it’s done, so I’ll try to do a blow-by-blow.  

First, Mista uses all six of his bullets on Sale, trying to target a vital area, but it’s no use, because Kraft Werk can stop a bullet no matter how true its aim.  At the same time, Sale locks Mista’s free hand to the truck they’re on, so he can’t jump off, nor can he reload his gun.  So it looks like Sale can kill him at his leisure, until...

DICK HELMET HANDS-FREE RELOAD.

Of course, Mista’s bullets still can’t hurt Sale, but he shifts strategies by shooting two bullets at once.  Kraft Werk stops the first one, but doesn’t quite spot the one right behind it until it’s too late, and this knocks Sale off the truck.   Mista thinks he’s won, until...

Sale can use his Stand to lock objects in mid-air, allowing him to climb virtually anywhere and resume his attack.  He also reveals that he can release the bullets he’s caught, redirecting them back at Mista.   

At this point, Mista has convinced himself that his only chance is to shoot Sale in the mouth, thinking that it’s a vulnerable spot.  He wastes three bullets on this plan, but to no avail.   Mista isn’t surprised by this, because he had only four bullets left, and he knew nothing good would come of that.   So now that he’s down to just one, he actually feels better about his chances.   So he aims for Sale’s mouth and...

It doesn’t work.  Sale even opens his mouth to demonstrate that he can survive it, although taking a bullet into his open mouth hurts a lot.   So it looks like Mista’s screwed for real this time, because now he really is out of bullets like he was before.   And it looks like Sale can flick another bullet back at him and kill him, except...

Mista’s real plan was to use his bullet just to get Sex Pistols close enough to hop on to the one Sale was going to fire back.   With all six of them riding the same bullet, they manage to send it back at Sale, then split it in half when Kraft Werk tries to stop it.   One half gets frozen in place, while the other heads for Sale’s head, which seems like it wouldn’t work, except...

Mista’s true target wasn’t Sale, but the bullet still lodged in Sale’s forehead.   By hitting that same target twice, the second impact would drive the first bullet a little deeper into his head, enough to finally knock him out.   The Sex Pistols celebrate by giving each other li’l high fives, execept #3, who punches #5 in the face.  

What’s impressive about this is that Araki managed to do this great back and forth battle between two guys with very simple power sets.  Both Mista and Sale really only have one ability apiece, but Araki managed to come up with enough different applications to make it suspenseful.  

With the competition eliminated, Bruno leads his team to a restroom where they treat Mista’s injuries and prepare to dig up Polpo’s hidden fortune.   Then two janitors show up and Narancia pulls a knife on one of them.

To be honest, I like Narancia, but I still enjoy seeing people take the piss out of the guy.  He’s like Joe Pesci in every mob movie, only he can’t back it up. 

The other janitor reveals himself to be Pericolo, one of Passione’s Capos, who has come at Bruno’s invitation to receive Polpo’s fortune, which Bruno hid behind a urinal.  Pericolo accepts the payment and promotes Bruno to Capo on the spot, granting him all the rights and privileges Polpo had enjoyed.  Pericolo also gives Bruno Polpo’s last assignment: to guard the Boss’s daughter, who turns out to be the other janitor who nearly carved Naranica a new smile.

[Careless Whisper plays on restroom speakers.]

The backstory of Trish Una makes a lot more sense to me this time around.   Before I had trouble understanding how anyone could think Trish could reveal anything about the Boss when they had never actually met.    Now I get it.   Trish’s mother, Donatella Una, died of some illness, and before she did, she tried to look up her baby-daddy, whom she knew as “Solido Naso”.  This was what got Passione’s attention, because they consider any attempt to research the Boss, including his aliases, to be an act of war against the gang.   So it really has more to do with Trish’s mother than her father.   The Boss’s enemies want to know if Donatella actually found out anything about the Boss, and now that Donatella is dead, Trish is their only lead. 

Of course, once the Boss found out about Trish, he quickly confirmed that she really was his daughter, which only made it more important to keep her away from his enemies.   Looking back, I have to wonder why he didn’t just kill her immediately, since he ended up trying to do that anyway.   However, the more I think about it, I get the impression that he didn’t see her as a threat, and he wanted to use her as bait to lure his enemies out of the shadows

I feel like Araki kind of struggled to settle on Trish’s character early on.   She starts out very aggressive, turning the tables on Narancia, giving orders to Fugo, and acknowledging that they’re all staring at her.  As the story goes on, though, she seems a lot more passive, perhaps because she realizes just how much danger she’s in, and maybe she also appreciates the others as more than captors or henchmen to her father.  And then later she essentially becomes part of the team.  I suppose the common thread is that Trish is determined to take control of the situation as best she can.   She doesn’t fully understand what’s going on, and she’s struggling to figure out how to adjust to it, but she’s not backing down.

I’m also interested in how long it took Araki to settle on her look.  Janitor Trish looks amazing, and then she changes clothes and reveals a hairdo the looks like raw bacon and Big League Chew.   Maybe she took one look at Fugo and decided she’d stand out less if she looked as ridiculous as him. 

[shaldreth]

I fell in love with Lotor and then realized he's a fucking idiot

AKA: a (bad) dissertation on Lotor's potential as a character and how his motivations basically undermined all of it. 

Spoilers through the end of season 6; written pre-season 7.  

Let's just get my credentials out of the way first: I recently watched Seasons 1-6 of Voltron in the span of about 2 months. I am vaguely aware of some fandom discourse. I know very little about the original Voltron show or its plot except what I've gathered from a single day browsing the wiki. And finally, I love manipulative trash cans. Doesn't matter if they've got gray morality, complete amorality, or if they're just plain evil: I unironically enjoy their existence (the only exception is Ni Jianyi who terrifies me, but, well, I attribute that to good writing). 

So imagine my delight when in his very first episode, Lotor demonstrated that he'd been very competently keeping tabs on the political status of the central Galran Command even while exiled by: rooting out his main opponents, publically humiliating them, and positioning his Generals strategically in the audience to ensure that the crowd's response was positive and enthusiastic, all within probably a quintant or two of getting back. ....And then he blatantly admitted to manipulating public opinion not five minutes later. ....While looking unfairly gorgeous. 

As character introductions go, it set a really fucking high bar, and I think a lot of people were immediately invested in learning what his endgame was. Regardless of whether his ultimate goals were ‘good’ or ‘evil’, people expected them to be competent and..... worthy. Worthy of all the time and effort that was put into this character, and the show in general. And then S6 happened. So buckle up friends because we’re gonna take an in-depth look at his journey from potential political mastermind to... merely obsessed, like his father. 

Immediately after being appointed Emperor Pro Tem, Lotor goes out and retakes a recently liberated planet to bait out Voltron. Which is.... something that we never actually saw his father do. Ever. Zarkon seemed content to let rebel planets stay lost, which is really silly and not at all a sustainable method of ruling an empire (suggesting that Zarkon probably would have lost control of a large portion of the Empire sooner or later anyway even if Voltron hadn't managed to destroy him in Blackout). Anyway, it showed that Lotor is a competent tactician, since he gets exactly the information he needs and does way more damage to Voltron than he probably expected to. He even follows up properly by calling in reinforcements to save his ass fortify the newly retaken planet, which may have given him a nice boost in popularity back home. 

(It also set up a number of obvious parallels between Lotor’s Generals and the Paladins of Voltron. Excellent teamwork and loyalty? Check. Cheerful personality? Check. Big strong type? Check. Brooding, dark-haired second in command? Check. ...Wait, that makes Narti Pidge’s parallel. Or maybe Shiro’s, since she’s sometimes mind controlled....? ANYWAY. )

We start to see a couple cracks in episodes 4 and 6, because it becomes clear that Lotor is actually not spending that much time managing the Empire. He's way more interested in getting the materials to build the Sincline ships. At this point in the series he's still doing a great job of evading detection and throwing misdirection everywhere to keep Haggar from guessing what he's up to, so it starts to look like he's trying to undermine the Empire from within. I mean, think about it: he set himself up publically as a celebrity to strengthen the Empire, and then he disappeared and did none of that. He even exiled Throk, one of his biggest political enemies to Buttfuck, Space - Population: Ice Worms after his public humiliation. Which is a really bad idea if you want to keep a guy out of trouble, but a really good idea if you want to give a guy the time and space he needs to get angry, start another rebellion, and further destabilize the Empire. 

Lotor has lived in exile for years; he himself is the perfect example for how people rebel when sent to some corner of the universe with minimal supervision. He should know better than anyone that exile is a bad way to actually get rid of someone, yet he does it anyway. 

Season 4 pretty much cements the idea that Lotor never actually wanted to rule the current Galra Empire, and was only using its resources for his own gain. He's removed from the position of Emperor Pro Tem with minimal fuss, and probably would have been quite happy to lay low for a while afterwards.... except that his dad then tries to kill him and he does the really dumb thing. I think almost everyone agrees that killing Narti was one of the dumbest things Lotor could have done. He could knock her out? Kill the cat??  Anything other than ruin his own party???

But nah. He stabs Narti and immediately the parallels between his group of Generals and Voltron shatter, because they betray him and try to turn him in to Haggar. Or, rather, he betrayed them.... .....actually maybe the parallels still apply, because I'm pretty sure that if Kuron had actually stabbed any of the Paladins at any point, the rest would have flipped out as well, so really the entire arc may be more of a statement on Galra culture as a whole..... 

ANYWAY, the whole Narti thing might look like the place where everything starts to go south, but it actually doesn't ruin any of Lotor's potential. Killing Narti could either be the callous act of someone who's bad at communication and doesn't actually care about his team (which is his team's interpretation, and a fair one), or it could be taken as a really stupid moment of panic, which I’d argue is a little more interesting, since Lotor never panics. But either way, the outcome was the same: as soon as he had control taken away from him, he turned desperate and all his flaws started to come out. Narti's death was one of the dumbest things Lotor ever did, but I also want to argue that it's the one act that opened up his narrative potential the most, because it could have sparked some interesting discussion about whether all of his actions are due to being arrogant, maladjusted, and self-absorbed... or if any can be attributed to fear.

Unfortunately, while fanfiction capitalized on that potential immediately, the show never really did. I was hoping for a season of self-reflection as Lotor used his intelligence and manipulative skills to sway Voltron to his side and overthrow Zarkon and Haggar in retaliation for his one miscalculation of the series. I wouldn't even have been mad if he had betrayed Voltron again at the end, because it would have been in keeping with his suggested characterization so far, and I like competent opponents with actual realistic goals.

Season 5 looked like it was on track! Lotor was clearly still doing his best to manipulate Voltron as much as he could from a prison cell, furthering his goals despite his enormous setback. It's not really clear how many of his accomplishments during this season are due to careful planning and how many are due to luck; did he know Zarkon would offer the prisoner exchange? Did he know Sendak was going to be at the Kral Zera? Did he know Shiro was Kuron and would secretly hand over the Black Bayard so he actually had a fighting chance against Zarkon? ....Probably no to the last one, since it hinged on Honerva remembering her son, but who knows. 

Regardless, Lotor takes a lot of risks and makes a lot of progress. He actually becomes Emperor. Dude, holy shit, congrats. Take a breather and regroup!! That big of an milestone should have been enough for anyone, but instead he pushed his luck searching for Oriande, becoming completely dependent on Allura for her guidance and her protection, and then he failed the White Lion's trial. Like, completely whiffed it. Do not pass Go, do not collect $200. The S6 finale makes it clear that Lotor's morals and goals are almost completely opposite Allura's, and that should have been the perfect place to start developing him further as.... you know, an actual emperor and moral counterpoint?

Instead, we got Season 6, where Lotor turned his fakeness meter up to 11 to seduce Allura. ...Badly. Like... really badly. ... Okay, listen the nanny thing was weird, there’s no denying that. She showed up for one episode out of completely nowhere and was never mentioned again. But Lotor felt more natural during that first episode of S6 than he did the entire rest of the season while romancing Allura, and I think that was probably on purpose. His voice and his face and his smile when he spoke with Allura were all the same ones he used during his first scene in the gladiator ring, when manipulating public opinion. I don’t think we were ever really meant to believe in Lotor’s feelings for Allura when his very character was introduced with the same sort of deception. 

And all of that would still have been fine if he hadn’t had such a stupid final motivation. I suppose Season 6 makes sense when you consider that his ultimate goals actually had nothing to do with the Galra Empire, but it doesn’t feel like a good culmination of his character arc. So, knowing that his ultimate goal was the creation of a new Altean Empire, Let’s briefly review: 

- Lotor spent three seasons manipulating the public to gather support and popularity. The conclusion of this was Kral Zera, where he actually became Emperor. But none of this matters. “Emperor of the Galra” is actually unrelated to “Emperor of the New Alteans”, or whatever. Unless his plan was to marry Allura and spend the next 10,000 years carefully integrating his Alteans into the Galran Empire while giving them every advantage possible, becoming the Galran Emperor didn’t actually have much to do with his Altean goals. His Alteans aren’t Galra citizens. So why spend that much time making himself popular with a race he hated? Narcissism??? 

- Lotor may have also spent three seasons subtly supporting rebellion across the Galran Empire, because he made a couple conspicuously bad decisions when it came to handling his political opponents/rebellion planets. Conspicuously bad enough to be deliberate, given what we know of him as a competent tactician. But supporting rebellion would only have helped him if he had planned to use rebellion to take over, and we just established that being the Galra Emperor doesn’t actually help his main goals. So does that make all the seasons of subtle rebel support.... a side-effect? Carelessness? Supporting the Voltron Coalition didn’t really matter if he intended to replace Voltron with his own shiny robot. 

- Lotor’s generals are all half-galra. Originally, it seemed like he had chosen to align himself with societal outcasts because he could inspire loyalty and comraderie in them, and because after a lifetime of discrimination at the hands of Central Command, they’d probably be willing to support his rebellion. That’s, like, a huge fanfic canon. But instead, his final, power-driven speech suggests that he chose half-galra Generals simply because he couldn’t stand to work with full-blooded Galra. Which makes his close-knit team and all their beautiful parallels with Voltron... accidental??

- Lotor spent let’s say... a season and a half? trying to seduce Allura.  This makes the most sense out of all of his goals, because marrying into the last remaining full-blooded Altean royalty totally fits with the New Altean Empire. What’s stupid here is how he handled it. Instead of coming clean about his Altean colony and, I don’t know, properly hiding his tracks as soon as he realized he could marry royalty?? He left the quintessence farm up and running. We know Lotor can get into and out of the rift way faster than Keith and Krolia, so there was really nothing stopping him from going to hide a couple skeletons in his closet sooner than never. He could probably have won Allura’s loyalty forever if he had presented her with an Altean colony and pretended to need her help restoring Altean culture; instead, he did dumb. 

I’m just... I’m sad, okay? I’m not sad because he was evil; I’m sad because he didn’t want to be his father, and he absolutely turned into his father, and there were almost no signs of that until the very end. He could have been evil and still competent! While there are parts of Lotor that are really well written, it seems like they were all pushed to the side to make way for his obsession - an obsession he wasn’t even that obsessed about previously!!! - in the final couple episodes of Season 6, and he just... does so many stupid things. 

So really, in conclusion, either Lotor got quintessence sickness, Haggar made a Lotor clone while he was visiting her that one time, or we should all be more sympathetic of Zarkon's stupidity in Seasons 1 and 2 because clearly Galra politics are infuriating enough that being Emperor for a couple pheobs was enough to make Lotor lose his McFreaking Mind. Zarkon had been Emperor for 10,000 years; it's understandable that he was a little quirky.

Also, I saw a post a few weeks ago that basically said “the worst thing that can happen to Lotor is that he comes back from the void and gets obsessed with Allura like in the original show”, and I wish I could find it again, so if you know that post, pls link me. And I agree, that would really really suck, I don’t want that. But I’m hopeful that the writers just decided to adapt his character a little, so that instead of being obsessed with the Altean Princess, he was instead obsessed with Altea, and therefore that arc is already over. But I guess we’ll find out soon! Fingers crossed. 

Feel free to comment with alternate interpretations of everything here!

[commiedervish]

Masterpost on the United States of America

[posted by /u/user_name_101ofcl on /r/communism]

This master post is divided into 2 parts:

The failure of the USA to protect its citizens

A list of US imperialism and the crimes they have committed

The Failure of USA to protect its citizens and the crimes committed in her own country

The USA is the largest and most powerful capitalist country to have ever existed. It has had the pleasure of

Being the most powerful country in its continent for about 150 years

Has the most favourable terrain imaginable. With fertile river valleys covering its land and all of its borders surrounded by forests, a large desert or oceans, practically making an invasion almost impossible.

Has plentiful resources like iron, coal and oil.

And lastly, a large amount of immigration. So a lack of a labour force won't ever be a problem

With such favourable material conditions, if we want to prove that capitalism works, the USA should be the best example of it. Let's look at how the US population is doing.

Worker rights and public services in the USA

The US has always repressed its workers. The federal minimum wage (7.25 $) is so low it barely allows people who are paid in it to live. The workers can not ask for a better wage, because they will get fired if they do.

The US has the least powerful unions and the workers stand alone against the capitalists. Basic things like paid maternity leave are optional and up to the employer. The US used to imprison and assassinate Union leaders so they wouldn't spread a pro worker message.

Privatisation is also a major thing in the US. The railways have always been private and this has resulted to them underperforming in speed, cost and affordability. In countries where it is nationalised, like China, the railways are extremely efficient.

The healthcare system in the US is private and this, according to Harvard, results in 45 thousand preventable deaths each year.

An other thing that is privatized, at least partly, is the prison system. Private prisons cost less to the government, about 17 $ less per prisoner per day but have more violence, worse facilities and are less likely to give parole than government ran prisons.

Poverty in the USA (statistics)

41 million Americans go hungry, including 13 million children and 5.4 millions seniors

More than 1 in 5 children in America (21.8%) are living under the official poverty line. Half of all children will be on food stamps before they turn 20, including 9 out of 10 black American children

Only 48% of Americans can handle a $400 emergency

For every 22 empty homes, there is 1 homeless person

Democracy in the USA

The USA prides itself in being the most democratic country, "the leader of the free world" but in reality the citizens of the USA have no real say on what their government does. The United States government only serves the interests of the bourgeoisie.

Don't believe me? Well, a recent report shows that about half of Congress and two thirds of the Senate are millionaires.

The elections are also completely undemocratic. The power of political lobbying in the USA is unprecedented. Both parties rely on the support of the bourgeoisie to win.

We shouldn't also forget the extreme gerrymandering that has been happening lately by both parties. Voting districts have been purposely redrawn across the country so the parties can keep their seats.

Now let's talk about voter suppression. The US has suppressed the vote of minorities since its creation. When the USA was created, only white male protestant land owners were allowed to vote. Gradually the USA was forced by civil rights activists to allow minorities and women to vote, but this doesn't mean that voter suppression doesn't exist. To this day incidents of voter suppression happen in states like Texas, south Carolina and Georgia. They specifically target black Americans, to stop them from voting.

An other way the US tries to stop black Americans from voting is felony disenfranchisement. Basically in most of the US, if you commit a felony, you are no longer allowed to vote (end in some states even if you get out of prison). This targets black and hispanic people in more than a few ways. They commit more crime than usual but they also get arrested more often than white people for the same crime.

The awful treatment of minorities in the USA

The US has historically oppressed every minority in its territory. From blacks to native Americans, from Latino communities to asians.

As I said above, only white men where allowed to vote when the US was created. In fact, not only where black people not allowed to vote, but they were slaves and where worth "three fifths of a white person". They were also not considered citizens despite them being born in the US.

When slavery was abolished the oppression continued. Segregation was the official policy of most states. They claimed that it was a policy of "separate but equal" but in reality it was far from that. White people had access to better schools, healthcare, housing and transportation.

Today although segregation being officially over, black people still face discrimination and disadvantages in schooling, police (we will get to that in a minute), healthcare, voting (as I showed you above), housing, and many other fields. Let's also not forget that the US has not paid ANY sort of reparations to black Americans. This and the effects of the institutionalized discrimination has left a unimaginable difference in the average wages and living standards of black Americans.

The median net worth of whites remains nearly 10 times the size of blacks. Nearly 1 in 5 black families have zero or negative net worth — twice the rate of white families.

(This even comes from a liberal source)

Let's also not forget the awful conditions in native reservations, with some lacking safe drinking water and some suffering from overcrowding. There is also a lack of wifi on a lot of these places.

And finally, the US literally has literal concentration camps in the border to place illegal migrants and their children, even though the illegal immigrants are fleeing violence and poverty the US caused in Central America (we will get to that)

Police brutality

Police brutality in the US has always been an issue. The main target are black people, worker rights activists, Muslims (especially after 9/11) latinos and some LGBTQ rights activists.

Police killed 1,147 people in 2017. Black people were 25% of those killed despite being only 13% of the population.

Black people are 25% more likely to be killed by police than white people

21% of black victims were completely unarmed

(This doesn't account for the people that were armed but didn't do anything wrong and cooperated with the police)

In 99% of cases the police officer was not convicted of a crime

A list of US imperialism and the crimes they have committed

This will be a list of US interventions from 1946 to 2019, this proves that the US remains an imperialist power and the primary threat to democracy

1 ) The US openly backs Greek nationalists in the Greek civil war against the communists, despite the communists having by far more support(1946)

2 ) The US helps with the creation of Israel(1948-1949)

3 ) The US helped in the establishment of the FRG (West Germany)

In 1957, 77% of the ministry's senior officials were former Nazis, which, according to the study, was a higher proportion that during Hitler's Third Reich government, which existed from 1933 to 1945.

A report released late last year found that between 1949 and 1970, 54% of Interior Ministry staffers were former Nazi Party members, and that 8% of them had served in the Nazi Interior Ministry, which at one point was run by SS chief Heinrich Himmler.

Also when the Stalin notes came, calling for a neutral unified Germany with elections , the US refused

4) CIA directs war against Huk Rebellion in the Philippines (1948-54)

5) Independence rebellion crushed in Ponce, Puerto Rico (1950)

6) The US, after expelling a workers government in South Korea, establishes a fascist dictatorship and helps it fight the communists (1951-53)

7) CIA overthrows democracy in Iran, installs Shah. (1953)

8) The CIA directs a coup in Guatemala after the democratically elected government nationalised fruit land from cooperations that were exploitating the Guatemalan people(1954)

9) The Suez crisis in Egypt (1956)

10) Army & Marine occupation against rebels in Lebanon (1958)

11) Fought South Vietnam revolt & North Vietnam, 1 million killed, atomic bomb threats in 1968 and 69 (1960-75)

12) CIA-directed Bay of Pigs exile invasion fails in Cuba (1961)

13) Caused an international crisis over missiles in Cuba while they had similar ones on Turkey (1962)

14) CIA organizes coup in Iraq that killed the president, brings Ba’ath Party to power, Saddam Hussein as secret service head (1963)

15) The terror to black American communities and the black Panthers massively increased. Assassinations left and right, including M.L.K (1963-66)

16) People in Panama shot for urging canal’s return (1964)

17) 3 million dead in a CIA backed coup in Indonesia (1965)

18) CIA backed coup in Greece against democratically elected leftist (1967-73)

19) Cia backed dictator, up to 2 million killed in decade of bombing, starvation, political chaos (1969-75)

20) US directs Iranian marine invasion in Oman (1970)

21) US directs South Vietnamese invasion in Laos,“carpet-bombs” countryside around Ho Chi Minh Trail (1971-73)

22) Democratic elected leftist president in Chile replaced with a fascist US backed regime (1973)

23) Telling Turkey to invade Cyprus so they can't join the Warsaw pact(1974)

24) Assists South African-backed UNITA rebels in Angola (1976-92)

25) Iran, raid to rescue embassy hostages, 8 troops die in helicopter-plane crash, bombing aborted. Soviets warned not to get involved in revolution. (1980)

26) The US helped Islamic extremists against socialist Afghan government(1981-1989)

27) CIA directs exile (Contra) invasions, plants harbor mines against Sandinista revolutionary gov’t. (1981-90)

28) Lebanon, Marines expel PLO and back far-right Phalangists, Navy bombs and shells Muslim rebels, Syrian forces (1983)

29) Invasion topples 4-year leftist revolutionary gov’t in Grenada (1984)

30) Honduras, Maneuvers help build bases near Nicaragua borders (1985)

31) Air strikes to topple Qaddafi gov’t in Libya (1986)

32) Army assists raids on cocaine region in Bolivia (1986)

33) U.S. intervenes on side of Iraq in the Iraq - Iran war (that Iraq started by the way), defending reflagged tankers & downing civilian jet (1987-88)

34) Panama, Noriega gov’t ousted by 27,000 soldiers,2000+ killed. Canal Zone & bases returned in 1999 (1989-99)

35) Iraq countered after invading Kuwait. 540,000 troops stationed also in Oman, Qatar, Bahrain, UAE, Israel. (1991)

36) No fly zones and sanctions on Iraq (1991-2003)

37) Intervention in Croatia(1992-94)

38) Rigging of Russian elections so the communists would not win (1993)

39) No-fly zone in civil war; downed jets, bombed Serbs (1995)

40) Zaire, Troops at Rwandan Hutu refugee camps in the area where Congo revolution began. (1996-97)

41) Heavy NATO air strikes after Serbia declines to withdraw from Kosovo. NATO occupation of Kosovo. (1999)

42) The US invades Afghanistan (2001-now)

43) Yemen, Drone missile attack on Al Qaeda, including US citizen (2002)

44) The war on Iraq, Saddam Hussein regime toppled in Baghdad. 250,000+ U.S. personnel participate in invasion. US & UK forces battle Sunni & Shi’a insurgencies. 160,000+ troops & many private contractors stationed on bases (2003-11)

45) Haiti, Marines & Army land after right-wing rebels oust elected President Aristide, U.S. forces him into exile (2003-04)

46) Pakistan, CIA drones, air strikes, Special Forces raids on alleged Al Qaeda & Taliban refuge villages kill multiple civilians. Drone attacks on Pakistani Mehsud network (2005-now)

47) Libya, NATO coordinates air strikes and missile attacks vs. Qaddafi government during uprising by rebel army (2011)

48)Air strikes & Special Forces intervene vs. Islamic State insurgents, training other Syrian rebels, bomb alleged Syrian gov’t chemical arms sites (2014-now)

49) Coup in Bolivia against a democratically elected president, replaced with a religious fascist that also hates indigenous people (2019)

50) Meeting with and funding the Hong Kong protestors (2019-now)

51) The killing of an Iranian general (now)

The photo I used - http://imgur.com/gallery/HvyTkEh

List of US atrocities: https://github.com/dessalines/essays/blob/master/us_atrocities.md

Sources

https://news.harvard.edu/gazette/story/2009/09/new-study-finds-45000-deaths-annually-linked-to-lack-of-health-coverage/

https://www.rollcall.com/news/hawkings/congress-richer-ever-mostly-top

https://kairoscenter.org/wp-content/uploads/2015/02/Poverty-Fact-Sheet-Feb-2015-final.pdf

https://www.thedailybeast.com/cheats/2014/01/09/most-lawmakers-are-millionaires

https://www.pbs.org/wgbh/frontline/article/court-north-carolina-voter-id-law-targeted-black-voters/

https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2018/oct/19/georgia-governor-race-voter-suppression-brian-kemp

https://www.ncsl.org/research/elections-and-campaigns/felon-voting-rights.aspx

https://www.americanprogress.org/issues/race/reports/2019/08/07/472617/systemic-inequality-displacement-exclusion-segregation/

https://www.google.com/amp/s/amp.cnn.com/cnn/2019/10/24/us/ice-kids-detention-invs/index.html

https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.washingtonpost.com/news/wonk/wp/2017/09/28/black-and-hispanic-families-are-making-more-money-but-they-still-lag-far-behind-whites/%3foutputType=amp

https://www.britannica.com/topic/Police-Brutality-in-the-United-States-2064580

https://mappingpoliceviolence.org

https://sites.evergreen.edu/zoltan/wp-content/uploads/sites/358/2019/11/InterventionsList2019.pdf

[The rest of the sources were not included in this post due to the character limit. However, they can be seen in the original post on reddit.]

[kaelinaloveslomaris]

I know you're not taking prompts now, but whenever you're free, could you do one in the Luke-raised-by-Vader AU? 5-year-old Luke somehow ends up in the middle of a battle Vader's in, and is now unconscious/gravely injured, and now Darth Dad has to carry Luke with one hand and fight with the other.

This one came in a few days before I opened prompts, but I got inspiration for it. So here’s almost 3k words of injured baby Luke and Vader being insecure.

It didn’t want to end, and I think it gets a bit ramble-y towards the end, but I was tired of tweaking it. So here you go.

Vader didn’t know how the insurgentshad ended up on his ship, nor how they had managed to get close enough to hisprivate quarters to snatch his son. They had only gotten off the Devastatorbecause he hadn’t wanted to risk shooting down the shuttle while Luke wasaboard.

Between his TIE, the rest of BlackSquadron, and several troop carrier shuttles, they had managed to force it toland rather than jump to hyperspace, though the tracker on the shuttle wouldhave allowed them to follow it wherever it went regardless. Vader hadn’t wantedto risk his son in their hands for longer than he had to.

The shuttle had landed near theinsurgents’ base, and Vader had found himself and his troops unexpectedlyoutnumbered as they fought their way into and back out of the compound. Whichwouldn’t normally have been a problem, except that he now had Luke cradled inhis left arm, the boy clinging weakly to his shoulder, bleeding from a gash inhis forehead, likely sustained during the kidnapping, and a blaster wound inhis side. Fighting his way through dozens of humans and Twi’leks and Sullustansand other aliens was much more difficult when he only had one hand, and he hadto worry about protecting not only himself but also Luke from both directattacks and stray shots.

Vader clutched his son tightly,trying to hold him in such a way that Luke’s side was pressed against histabard, in hopes of staunching the blood flow.

“Hold on, Luke,” Vader pleaded, unsure if his semi-conscious son was awake enough tounderstand him. “Stay with me. Stayawake.” He tried to block some of Luke’s pain, but he couldn’t afford thedistraction. The insurgents had drawn them into an ambush, with Luke heldhostage as bait, and though Vader had rushed in knowing what was waiting forthem, he hadn’t expected them to shoot Luke without making any demands first.His fleeting glimpse of their intentions a second before the Rodian had pulledthe trigger was the only reason Luke was alive, Vader’s Force pull on theblaster enough to cause the shot to go wide and low, clipping Luke’s sideinstead of piercing his heart. Vader had broken the Rodian’s neck before the insurgent hadhad a chance to realize what was happening, as much as Vader wished he couldhave drawn out his death.

The thought of how close he had cometo losing his son made him tighten his grip on the boy, and Luke whimpered inprotest. It was the first sound Vader had heard from him since he had stoppedcrying several minutes ago, and Vader welcomed it as a sign that Luke was stillawake.

The Force was a storm of rage andfear about Vader, the Dark Side sending power sparking through him, and evenwith Luke in his arms, he managed to effortlessly cut down every insurgent inhis path, deflect every blaster bold before it reached them. The compound’shallways were confusing, turning back on themselves and meeting other corridorsin numerous identical intersections, but Vader allowed the Force to guide himout, as it had guided him in. The hallways were wide, which gave him room tomaneuver but also left his sides vulnerable, and the many intersections allowedthe insurgents to set up smaller ambushes. They were nothing more thanannoyances, his deep connection to the Force warning him well in advance, andmany of them found themselves short of breath before Vader even came fully intosight.

By the time he exited the compound,he had carved a swath of destruction through the insurgents’ ranks, and theDark Side’s ever ravenous bloodlust was only partially sated. He longed to turnaround, head back into the compound and kill every living thing besides his ownmen, but his son trembling in his arms brought him back from the edge, and heextinguished his lightsaber. His men could, and would, finish the job withouthim.

Luke’s breath was shallow and rapid,and the bloodstain on his shirt had spread substantially. Vader shifted him inhis arms so he could press a hand against the wound. Luke shrieked as Vader putpressure on it, and his son tried to curl up. He dug his fingers into Vader’s capewith one hand and attempted to pry Vader’s hand away from his side with theother.

“No, Luke, I need to stop thebleeding,” Vader said.

“It hurts,” Luke gasped, his eyesstill squeezed shut as another tear ran down his cheek.

“I know, little one.” He held himcloser as the shuttle came into view, and he quickened his steps. “We arealmost there. You need to stay awake, Luke.”

Luke nodded slightly, biting hisbottom lip.

Vader’s Second was hovering near hisTIE, the fighters useless during the ground attack, since destroying thecompound would kill their own men in addition to the insurgents and would haveput Luke at risk. He snapped to attention as Vader passed.

“Bring my ship,” Vader growled,annoyed that he wouldn’t be able to fly it back himself, but reluctance toleave Luke’s side won out. Slaving Vader’s TIE’s navicomputer to his Second’swould get it close enough for the Devastator’stractor beams to take over, and Vader knew his Second wouldn’t mess up theprocess. He put thoughts of his fighter out of his mind as he carried Luke upthe ramp into the shuttle. The pilot startled when he entered, and Vaderignored his salute in favor of laying Luke down on the emergency foldoutmedbed, giving instructions even as he made sure Luke was secure.

“Return to the Devastator immediately, and tell the captain to have my privatemedbay prepared with a trauma team and a bacta tank for my son. There is noneed for them to meet us in the hangar.” They wouldn’t be able to do anythingmore than he could in the shuttle on the way up until they got him to the bactatank. “You may return for the troops after you deliver us to my ship.”

“Yes, sir!”

Vader tore Luke’s shirt, wincingbehind his mask as Luke cried out when the fabric pulled away from the wound.His side was in bad shape, but the blaster bolt appeared to have only barelycaught him, and probably hadn’t severely damaged anything internally.

If I had been half a second faster, it would have missed him entirely. Vader suppressed a growl and rippedopen a bacta patch. It would help stop the bleeding, if nothing else, and thatwas the most important thing at the moment. He would get Luke to a bacta tank,and he would be fine. He kept telling himself that, repeating it, holding itfirmly in his mind. Luke would be fine.He would recover completely, and it probably wouldn’t even scar.

The mantra barely took the edge offhis panic. He couldn’t lose Luke. He couldn’t bear it, and he knew it woulddestroy him. This small child was all he had left in the Galaxy, and he wouldburn a thousand worlds to ashes before he allowed anything to happen to him. Orso he told himself, yet here Luke was, injured and bloody, stolen from hishome, Vader’s ship, the one place in the Galaxy he should have been safe!

Vader clenched his fist. He shouldhave been able to protect him better than that. This was his fault, for not succeeding in the only duty that ever trulymattered. Perhaps he was destined to fail everyone he ever loved. His motherhad died in his arms because he had arrived too late to save her. His wife…well, he had choked her in his anger, allowing his feelings of betrayal tooverride anything else, and he had certainly contributed to her death even ifhe had not directly caused it. And Luke –

No. Luke would not die. Luke would live.He would be fine. He would be fine,and he wouldn’t hate him for failing him. And he wouldn’t live now just to betaken from Vader later, by Palpatine or another rebel cell, or by Obi-Wan. Lukewould grow up at his father’s side. He would trust him and follow him, and oneday they would overthrow the Emperor, and Vader would give Luke the throne andthe Galaxy. And if the Force allowed its precious “Chosen One” anything inpayment for everything it put him through, maybe, just maybe, Luke would evenlove him. He said he did, with the wide-eyed devotion children show theircaretakers, but he didn’t yet understand who and what Vader was, what kind ofmonster had sired him and now raised him. Vader couldn’t believe Luke wouldtruly continue to love him once he realized, and he dreaded the day Luke wouldregard him with revulsion and horror.

Vader turned away from Luke, unableto stare at his perfect child any longer for fear he would open his eyes andlook up at him in betrayal. He must know, on some level, that he had only beentaken and hurt because of Vader, that if it weren’t for him, this never wouldhave happened.

“Daddy?” Luke asked, his voice lowand scared, and Vader couldn’t help but react, some part of him screaming withthe parental instinct to remove the fear from his son’s voice, even if he knewhe must be the source of it.

But Luke’s panicked eyes calmed whenVader stepped back into his view, and through the lines of pain on his face, hemanaged a small smile when Vader pushed his hair back off his forehead, carefulnot to disturb the blood just beginning to clot over the cut.

“Don’t leave me,” Luke murmured, hiswords slurring together as his eyes drifted closed again.

“I am not going anywhere. Stay awake,Luke.” Luke nodded again, but he also forced his eyes back open.

Vader hadn’t noticed the shuttletaking off, too concerned with Luke’s injuries, but he felt it as they passedthrough the magnetic shield protecting the hangar bay, and they soon landed. Heunstrapped Luke and lifted him back into his arms, careful not to jostle hisside too much, and was ready before the boarding ramp lowered. As he hadordered, no one was waiting for them, and it didn’t take them long to reach hismedbay.

The trauma team he had requested alljumped to attention when he entered, and he began detailing Luke’s injuriesbefore they could ask.

“He requires bacta immersion for ablaster wound to his right side. There does not appear to be any significantdamage, though he has lost a large amount of blood. He has a minor gash on hisforehead. I do not believe there are any other injuries, though it is possible.I did nothing more than place a bacta patch over the blaster wound.” As hespoke, he settled Luke onto the bed already prepared for him, and the medicsswarmed him as soon as Vader stepped back.

It wasn’t long before they had Lukesedated and floating gently in the bacta tank. He would need less than a day,and the medics had assured Vader that he would have no scarring orcomplications. He was lucky, they said, that the blaster hadn’t hit half aninch more to the left or it would have perforated his colon.

I am sorry, Luke, Vader thought, not bothering to send the words through their bond. Lukewouldn’t hear them, sedated as he was. He looked so small in the full-sizedbacta tank, so fragile floating there in nothing but shorts and a breathingmask. The wound in his side didn’t look as dire now that the blood was cleanedoff, but he was still too young to have received such a wound at all. Even withall the injuries Vader had been dealt as a child slave, he had never been shot,never been at serious risk of bleeding out. He had been too valuable, and yet Luke was the ImperialPrince. Shouldn’t he be afforded value and respect for that title, more so thana mechanically talented slave? And even for insurgents and rebels who disagreedwith the Empire’s rule, Luke was a child.He was not a valid military target.

But you are, hismind reminded him. People have shot atyour heart before. This was just an unconventional way of doing it.

Vader growled. Unconventional andunacceptable. He couldn’t have his enemies thinking Luke was a legitimate wayof getting to him. His son would not become collateral damage.

For a moment, the image of adifferent blond child, this one in the robes of a Jedi youngling, wassuperimposed over Luke, and Vader snarled at the comparison. That had been adifferent situation, and he hadn’t had a choice, regrettable as it had been.

But he had had a choice, hadn’t he?He could have stayed in the Jedi Council’s chamber, could have allowed MaceWindu to kill Palpatine, could have refused to march on the Temple. But hehadn’t. He had allowed his fear to rule him, and he had destroyed everythingelse in his life in a futile attempt to save his wife with the words of a liar.

His Master had lied to him aboutbeing able to save Padmé, and he had lied when he said that Vader had killedher. He hadn’t, or Luke would have died in her womb, there on the landingplatform on Mustafar. If he had only had the strength to realize that believingthe words of a Sith only leads to ruin, perhaps he would still have lost her, ifher death had truly been sure to happen, but he might have saved everythingelse. And perhaps she would not have died, if he had not fallen. Palpatine’sknowledge of his nightmares concerning Padmé’s death had haunted him, once hehad stopped to think about it. With all of his Master’s considerable strengthin the Force and knowledge of mental manipulation, it was conceivable that hecould send dreams, or at least alter them. Vader had done this himself, nudgingat Luke’s nightmares to steer them back towards happier things.

So perhaps Palpatine had been behind hisdreams entirely, using them to create the needed desperation in his desiredapprentice. And if that were true… the Emperor needed to go. He had manipulatedhim into destroying everything in his life, and even if he hadn’t been behindit all, he had used Padmé’s death against Vader and lied about the death of hisson.

Vader looked back up at Luke. He hadfailed his son twice now, and he would not fail again. He would destroy theEmperor, create a Galaxy safe for his son to grow up in. He would never allowthe Emperor to manipulate his son or prey on his fears as he had with him. Andwith the Emperor gone, Luke would never be forced to turn to the Dark Side,which was something Vader had decided against from the moment he had first heldLuke, three years ago now. He had been so full of light, even as a baby, andVader had felt sick at the thought of darkening that brilliance.

Young as Luke was, the Emperor hadalready shown an interest in him and his Force abilities. Which, Vader suspected,was the only reason he had been allowed to keep his son, though he had managedto delay Luke’s training beyond the very basics of touching the Force. To hisrelief, and Palpatine’s chagrin, Luke had been all but incapable of accessingthe Dark Side. He was naturally too light, and even surrounded by death and waras he was, it was not enough to facilitate the blossoming of darkness in him. Vadercould only hope that this event would not be the needed catalyst.

And if it was sufficient to awaken the necessary fear, well. Vader would justhave to move that much quicker to eliminate the Emperor before he could act onit.

[lovedbooksnmore]

My Top 10 Favorite Books | 100 Days of Booklr Day 9

So for today’s 100 Days of Booklr and since it’s a Friday I thought I would do something fun, which is talk about my favorite books! And I actually organized them so the book at the bottom of this list is my favorite book of all time. So... here we go! These are my favorite books!

10. The Importance of Being Earnest by Oscar Wilde: So I know that this is technically a play but it is still one of the best things I’ve ever read. I had to read this my senior year of high school and it was one of the best things I have ever read in school. The Importance of Being Earnest showed me how when done well, satire and comedy can be as good as a dramatic story. This satire of Victorian England had me laughing harder than I had in any other book I had read and was a pure joy to read. The Importance of Being Earnest also showed me the potential plays had. I never really had a desire to read plays before but I do pick them up or go see productions now and then. Honestly if you are looking for a great laugh pick up The Importance of Being Earnest or go see a production of it! I wouldn’t recommend seeing the movie though, because like always the movie is very different. 

9. My Lady Jane by Brodi Ashton, Cynthia Hand, and Jodi Meadows: When I picked up My Lady Jane earlier this year I wasn’t really expecting anything. I people say it was really good but I know that when I read historical fiction of actual historical figures it can be really hit or miss for me, being a history major when I was in college. But I LOVED My Lady Jane! Lady Jane follows the life of Lady Jane Grey, who was queen of England for nine days before she was executed. This book also includes people turning into animals, which you wouldn’t think works in a historical fiction book BUT IT DOES. I think one of the things that makes My Lady Jane work so perfectly is that it never takes itself too seriously, its a book that halfway through tells you it’s throwing history outside the window after this point! Where else have you seen that in a historical fiction book?! This book is filled with so many laughs and is a great read for if you’re looking for something different or want to get out of a reading slump! Would recommend to everyone!

8. Falling Kingdoms by Morgan Rhodes: Falling Kingdoms is one of my favorite YA fantasy series. It follows a group of characters fighting for control of this island, called Mytica, and its kingdoms. In terms of plot I know it sounds a lot like other fantasy stories, like Game of Thrones or whatever, but I still really love it. This story is beautifully written and has such a wide group of characters that are so interesting to read about and I find myself enjoying every minute of the stories that I read. The six part series is coming to a close this year and I still need to pick up the fifth book, but I’ll probably pick it up closer to the release of the sixth book. Also if you’ve read Falling Kingdoms and want some more from the same world there’s a companion series called Spirits and Thieves set partially in our world and partially in the Falling Kingdoms universe, but thousands of years before Falling Kingdoms. Both series are really great reads that I would recommend to anyone who loves YA fantasy, or just fantasy in general.

7. The Final Empire by Brandon Sanderson: This is my most recent read to be included on this list but it immediately became one of my favorites. I’m still trying to recover from the ending of this book so I can pick up the next book, The Well of Ascension, but I’m still in shock if I’m being honest. This is the first book in the Mistborn series. The Final Empire is an adult epic fantasy that follows these group of people who are skaa, who have been slaves for the Final Empire for a thousand years, and their desire to overthrow the leader of the Final Empire, known as the Lord Ruler. There is also the most fascinating magical system I have ever read in this book. Some people have the ability to consume a type of metal and it will give them special powers, like strength, and they are called Mistlings. These people can only consume one type of metal Rarer people still can consume all types of metals and be gain all of the powers and they are known as Mistborn. This book had me on my edge of my seat from page one, I had to know what was going to happen next, which is why I read this huge 500+ page book in about three days. I loved all the characters and felt for them every step of the journey. This was my first adult fantasy book and I wasn’t expecting to love it as much as I do YA fantasy or love the characters as much, but boy was I wrong! This book really opened my eyes for what a fantasy story can really be like. If you haven’t picked up The Final Empire or the Mistborn series yet DO IT! I promise you won’t be disappointed! 

6. Six of Crows by Leigh Bardugo: Yes! Six of Crows! If you couldn’t tell with every other picture set on my blog being Six of Crows, this is one of my favorite books ever. I’m pretty sure everyone who as read this heist story about a band of misfits has found themselves in love with not one but all of its characters. This is one of the most diverse reads I have seen in YA with no two characters being alike. It also has one of the strongest relationships I have seen between friends in any type of book. Ever. This book truly has something for everyone and if you haven’t picked up Six of Crows yet... WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH YOUR LIFE?!?! Pick it up!!! I promise you will love it!

5. The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry: The Little Prince is one of those books that I think you could read throughout your life and take away something completely different each time. The story about this little prince and all the people he meets trying to figure out life is a moving and breath taking piece of fiction and poses more philosophical questions than most adult books do. I am honestly struggling to describe this book, because I think its one you have to experience yourself. It’s a really short book filled with tons of pictures, its a children’s book of course, and it’s easy to read in one sitting. Once you read it I promise you’ll understand what I mean and it’ll be on of your favorites too.

4. Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen: I’ve read Pride and Prejudice about five times and I think my love for it has grown each time I’ve read it. This is a classic and beloved by so many people, it’s even my mom’s favorite book! It follows the lives of the Bennet family with its five daughters and their mother who is determined to see them married. Their lives change when the rich Mr. Bingley moves in and brings along his even richer friend Mr. Darcy. This is my favorite romance story and it has one of the best slow burning romances I have ever read. If you haven’t picked up Pride and Prejudice you really should because it is such a worthwhile read. And if the fact that this is a classic puts you off I found this to be one of the easier classics to read. It’s language is really easy to understand. Or I would recommend listening to it on audio book. Rosamund Pike, who played Jane in the 2005 movie version, does a really good reading for Audible that is worth checking out if you’re interested.

3. The Strange and Beautiful Sorrows of Ava Lavender by Leslye Walton: The Strange and Beautiful Sorrows of Ava Lavender is an amazing book that I don’t think people talk about enough. It’s a magical realism book that follows the life of Ava Lavender, who was born with wings, and it also tells the story of several generations of her family and their journey from France to Ava’s hometown. This was my first magical realism book and it was beautiful. Leslye Walton had such an amazing writing style that made you feel like you were reading a fairy tale and painted these beautiful pictures. If you’re looking for something a little different to read I would definitely say pick this book up because you won’t be disappointed. 

2. To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee: I read this book back in ninth grade for my English class and I loved it. This was one of my first political books and I think it is the best one I have ever read. I love how we get to read from the point of view from Scout, a young year old girl. It’s very rare that we get to see an adult story told from the point of view of a child, giving the whole story a naivete. Even though this story was written in 1960 it is still an important story to be told and is important in our modern day political climate. I haven’t read Harper Lee’s other work, Go Set a Watchman, which I believe was a draft that Harper Lee wrote of To Kill a Mockingbird but with an adult character as the main character and differences here and there. I’m not really interested in reading Go Set a Watchman because I think everything that needed to be told was told in To Kill a Mockingbird. If you also haven’t seen the movie To Kill a Mockingbird I would also recommend that. It’s one of the few movies that lives up to the original source.

1. Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban by J.K. Rowling: I want you to know I really tried to not put a Harry Potter book on this list but I couldn’t! I just couldn’t! I felt like the list was incomplete and didn’t really show my true feelings. I know this is probably the top of every list by everyone ever, but it deserves it! Harry Potter was the book that got me and so many people to start reading and that by itself is important. But Harry Potter is also a beautiful and creative story. What else could I say about Harry Potter that hasn’t been said? Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban is my favorite Harry Potter book and I can summarize why in just two words: the marauders. I LOVE the marauders and want to know more about them! But please not through a play written by Jack Thorne.

But that’s a list of my favorite books! 

[odanurr87]

The problem with Star Wars Rebels

At the behest of several friends and acquaintances I decided to start watching the animated series Star Wars Rebels. I had previously watched The Clone Wars, but eventually gave up on it for a variety of reasons that I may explain in a separate post. I am currently on episode 14 of the second season of Star Wars Rebels, yet I feel I am able at this time to try and pinpoint some of the issues I’ve been having with this series.

Let me preface this by saying Rebels is not a bad show, at least I don’t think so. I think all fans, both old and new, can agree it’s entertaining, there’s a lot of humour, and voice acting is very good. Some might even delight in meeting familiar characters from the Star Wars Universe, like Leia, Lando, or the droids, or learning new bits of lore, such as the origin of the Rebel B-Wing starfighter. I do believe that someone (relatively) new to the Star Wars Universe will find more to enjoy in Star Wars Rebels than an old fan like me, but I am trying and I will keep on trying.

Speaking for myself, I come with a lot of Expanded Universe (EU) baggage, and retcons are not something that I take to lightly, especially when they’re gratuitous or badly done. My head is filled with details that fleshed the Star Wars Universe, details provided by the EU, so when I see something in Star Wars Rebels (and in The Clone Wars too) that overwrites that data an alarm goes off at the back of my head and I’m taken out of the experience even if for a tiny bit. The Clone Wars is perhaps the most egregious culprit as Dave Filoni messed with continuity (LucasArts wasn’t owned by Disney then) resurrecting already-dead characters (e.g.: Darth Maul) and completely altering Mandalorian culture, among others.

However, retconning is only (a small) part of the problem with Star Wars Rebels. I believe there are more basic issues with the series that I’ll do my best to outline in this post. So, without further ado, let’s take a look at what happened a long, long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away.

The origins of the Rebel Alliance... kinda

Star Wars Rebels follows the adventures of a young group of mercenaries turned freedom-fighters 5 years before the Battle of Yavin (BBY). The show starts as a young thief by the name of Ezra bumps into a group, led by Kanan, a former Jedi-turned-mercenary, in the process of stealing supplies from the Empire. These will be our heroes for the remainder of the series. Besides Kanan and Ezra, we have: Zeb, a Lasat male honor guardsman who acts as the muscle; Chopper, an astromech droid that’s in charge of opening every door and repairing everything that doesn’t work properly; Sabine, a Mandalorian who has a penchant for art and blowing stuff up; and Hera, daughter of Cham Syndulla (from TCW), top-notch pilot and sharing the lead together with Kanan.

From left to right: Sabine, Zeb, Hera, Kanan, Ezra, and Chopper.

Comparisons with the gang from the Original Trilogy (OT) are self-evident and are not the focus of this post, nor of this particular point. As the show progresses, we come to learn that his group, while operating independently, does strike against the Empire every now and then. Circumstances eventually force them to make a stand, and thus we learn that they were actually operating as a cell, and that there are other Rebel cells operating throughout the galaxy. In short, what we have is a small window into the origins of the Rebel Alliance.

Putting aside the (non-canon and Force-powered) story of The Force Unleashed, which also depicts the origins of the Rebel Alliance (and is incidentally very good at it), one obvious question comes to mind, do we really need this story? Do we need to know exactly how the Rebel Alliance came together to stand against the might of the Empire forged by Emperor Palpatine and Darth Vader? To my mind, the answer is no. History has shown us that rebellion is commonplace in empires that abuse their power and oppress their people. Therefore, that a rebellion would surface in the span between Episodes III and IV doesn’t come as a surprise. Would I want this story to be told though? If executed properly, the answer is yes.

Planting the seeds of rebellion.

George Lucas tried to show us some of this in Episode III with a series of meetings between Bail Organa, Mon Mothma, Padmé Amidala, and a few other senators, where they discussed the future of the Republic and what they might need to do to save it. Unfortunately, those scenes got cut for the theatrical release. Maybe they were a tad too on the nose, maybe Lucas thought it would remind people of The Phantom Menace’s politics. I am perhaps one of the few who finds that politics are an integral part of the tale of the Republic’s downfall and who believes they don’t have to be detrimental to a story. Just look at the excellent The Legend of the Galactic Heroes for reference. Whether you’re a fan of the light novel series by Yoshiki Tanaka, or the (superior) anime version, it’s a story fraught with history, politics, economics, religion, and warfare, that finds the right balance between all these elements. If Star Wars Rebels were to combine these elements half as well to tell us how the Rebel Alliance was formed, it would make for one hell of a story.

Unfortunately, so far Rebels has made no attempt to do so. There are many basic questions that remain unanswered. For instance, if Hera’s (she’s their commanding officer now, right?) band of freedom fighters is just one cell out of many, does that mean that there’s some sort of centralized power structure? The story seems to suggest the rebels were disorganized before Hera’s group rallied them into action but it’s never really clear. At the same time, it also suggests Hera was already taking orders from some form of command authority back in their early ‘independent’ days. Which one is it? 

If there is a commanding body to the rebel movement, is there a larger plan beyond ‘sticking it to the Empire’? How exactly are the rebels planning to overthrow the Empire, if indeed that is their goal? Are we even at the point of calling it the Rebel Alliance? It would appear that at least the rebel group working with Hera is mobile and doesn’t have a base of operations. Is this the same for other cells? 

My head is filled with dozens of questions that scream (a bit of hyperbole, okay) to be answered, but the show remains oblivious and chooses to plunge through regardless. To be perfectly honest, I doubt the creators themselves know the answers. It is this internal confusion that throws me for a loop. Perhaps they believe these are trifle questions not worth pondering. I beg to differ. If you choose to tell a story about the origins of the Rebel Alliance, thoroughly exploring said origins is a must; at the very least I would expect it to be internally coherent and not sow confusion every two episodes.

This ties neatly into my second point, which is...

The Force is too strong with this one

When old Ben Kenobi tells Luke how the Jedi were once the guardians of peace and justice in the Old Republic, one has the sense that he’s talking about a distant memory, something that happened a long time ago. Indeed, watching the OT, you get the feeling that most of the galaxy believes that the Jedi were nothing but a myth. General Motti went so far as to question Vader’s sad devotion to that ‘ancient religion.’ Tarkin is adamant that Vader’s the only Jedi left. Even though he’d be proven wrong minutes (and an episode) later, the universe of the Classic Trilogy has all but forgotten the Jedi.

When Luke picks up the Jedi mantle it’s an incredibly boon for the Rebel Alliance. Not only have they now a powerful symbol to rally behind, for the Jedi were considered bastions of the Republic, they also have someone to stand against the powerful Darth Vader. This was further reinforced by the EU. Sometimes a story would feature people who would dabble in the Force, or people who pretended to be Jedi, but in the end, the notion that Luke was the last of them was ever present.

Luke Skywalker, last (hope?) of the Jedi.

The Prequel Trilogy (PT) was the first to create problems for this narrative. After all, the events of Revenge of the Sith take place 19 years before the events of A New Hope. I would hardly think that 20 years is enough time for the galaxy to forget about the Jedi. Even less so when you consider that the Clone Wars would have spread the Jedi throughout the galaxy, making them known even in the most distant Outer Rim worlds.

20 years ago there were thousands of Jedi. Now there are none. Revenge of the Sith tried to explain this through Order 66, just one in a long series of orders drilled into the clone army that instructed them to eliminate their Jedi commanders and every other Jedi they could get their hands on. The film shows us they were mercilessly efficient at that and very few Jedi managed to survive the betrayal, the most notable examples being Obi-Wan on Utapau and Yoda on Kashyyyk. But as the film also shows us, not all Jedi were killed by the clones, either on the battlefield or back at the Jedi Temple. Obi-Wan managed to get a message out warning any surviving Jedi of the fall of Coruscant and the clones’ betrayal, and instructing them to stay hidden until... whenever. There’s a very funny deleted scene from Episode III where the clones dress up as Jedi to trick Yoda and Obi-Wan with predictably bad results.

Anyway, as I was saying, no matter how efficient the clones might have been, it stands to reason that some Jedi other than Obi-Wan and Yoda would have survived the purge. Again, going with EU material, the Dark Times comic series show us as much as Darth Vader begins his quest to eliminate any and all surviving Jedi, and he’s very good at it. Any Jedi that might have survived that second purge where probably in hiding during the events of the OT, right?

Wrong. In Star Wars Rebels, Kanan notices that young Ezra is strong in the Force and undertakes the daunting task of training him. So now we have a Jedi Master and Padawan, fighting together with the Rebel Alliance, five years before the events of A New Hope. In fact, the events of season three of Star Wars Rebels take place as close as 2 BBY. 

What?

It gets better. Joining them in their struggle in season two is none other than Anakin Skywalker’s former padawan, Ahsoka Tano, who’s also working with the Rebel Alliance! As if that weren’t enough, we also have the Inquisitors, an organization of Force-sensitive agents working for the Empire to hunt down Jedi. By episode 14 of season 2 I counted at least 3 Inquisitors and there are probably more if the “fifth brother” and “seventh sister” quotes are any indication.

Um, well...

There’s more. Darth Maul makes an appearance at some point in season two and definitely returns in season three. Kanan and Ezra travel to a Jedi Temple where they both receive guidance from Yoda himself. Holocrons pop up, and the Bendu monks get transformed into Bendu, a Force-sensitive individual who represents the center of the Force.

...

Where should I begin?

If it was hard for me (or anyone, really) to believe the galaxy had forgotten about the Jedi over the span of 20 years, you can imagine it’s even harder for me to believe they’d forgotten about them over the span of 2 years (and that’s if Rebels ends at 2 BBY, it could end at 0 BBY!). I suppose one could argue that the galaxy is a big place, and that even dozens of Force-powered individuals running around waving their lightsabers like mad might get unnoticed by the galaxy at large. I can see myself conceding this point. There could’ve been Jedi rebels spread throughout the galaxy waging their own personal little wars against the Empire, careful not to attract undue attention to themselves.

Unfortunately, Kanan and Ezra seem to do everything in their power to stay in the Empire’s spotlight. Furthermore, they’re irrevocably linked to the Rebel Alliance, to the point that Princess Leia Organa herself saw the pair wielding their lightsabers and using the Force! Such a tale would’ve certainly spread like wildfire throughout the rebel cells, reaching both the Core and the Outer Rim. The Rebel Alliance had found not one, not two, but three Jedi (so far) to rally around and bring the fight to the Empire... 5 years before they found Luke Skywalker and 9 years before the Jedi, um, returned? Revenge of the Jedi’s starting to sound awfully better now, isn’t it? Pity the Sith got there first.

To further compound the problem is the matter of Ezra’s training. At the rate this is going, he’ll end up having more training than Luke ever did in the OT. He’s had access to a Jedi Temple, two Jedi who’re around almost full-time (Ben died fairly soon and Luke cut short his training with Yoda on Dagobah), two holocrons, and there may be other things I’m not aware of yet. Perhaps Marvel intends to fill the gap of Luke’s training with novels and/or comics? My point is that Ezra seems to be turning too powerful too easily and Disney will have to pull off another Order 66-like stunt if they’re going to get rid of him, Kanan, and Ahsoka by the time Luke arrives. 

Will this be Kanan and Ezra’s fate?

We already had an episode in season one where Vader fought more eager, less experienced, versions of Kanan and Ezra and couldn’t (or wouldn’t) defeat them. I believe there’s a similar episode in season two with pretty much the same results. Do the creators intend to go The Force Unleashed route with a final showdown between the Emperor, Vader, Kanan, and Ezra, where Palpatine wipes the floor with the Jedi? The Inquisitors are useless after all. Will they instead go into hiding like their fellows? That would be quite the reversal given everything that’s happened on the show but it wouldn’t surprise me. Not anymore.

A galaxy without stakes

The struggle between the Rebel Alliance and the Empire is more than well documented, at least under EU material. Even if we’re talking canon sources, only recently we had Rogue One, a new Star Wars movie set around 0 BBY that tells the story of how the Rebels got their hands on the Death Star plans that Darth Vader is so keen on getting back in A New Hope. 

Rogue One is, in essence, a war drama in the vein of the old World War II films I used to watch, like The Guns of Navarone or The Dirty Dozen, sharing more similarities with the former than the latter. It’s a film that attempts to show us the Alliance’s darker side and the lines they’re willing to cross to defeat the Empire, all the while driving the point that war is not a clean and clear-cut affair, with multiple rebel groups having different goals and methods to go about it, and civilians often getting caught in the crossfire. This movie does not shy away from death, having the largest body count since the Death Star blew up Alderaan in A New Hope. Okay, maybe not that high.

In Rogue One, war is hell.

Perhaps more so than A New Hope and Return of the Jedi, Rogue One succeeds at making the Empire feel powerful and menacing, to the point the Rebels actually consider giving up on the entire endeavour. Indeed, the Rebellion in Rogue One, while an organized force, is no match for the Empire, less so when the Death Star is put into play. 

Far superior at showing this was The Empire Strikes Back during the Battle of Hoth, when the full force of the Empire was brought to bear on the Rebel base. A blockade around the planet was enforced by Star Destroyers while AT-ATs under the command of experienced General Veers led the ground assault against the Rebel forces. The Rebels put up a valiant effort but the outcome had been clear from the start: this battle was already lost; all they could do was delay the Imperial forces long enough for the evacuation to be completed. Even then, the evacuation was no simple affair. The Rebel transports could not evade nor outgun the Star Destroyers around the planet so they had to use Echo Base’s powerful ion cannons to disable them long enough to make the jump to lightspeed.

This is what it took to (temporarily) disable a Star Destroyer in Episode V.

Even our heroes are not safe from the Empire in Episode V. Luke learns a painful lesson when he hastens to rescue Han and Leia at Bespin, losing a hand in a duel with Vader that nearly cost him his life. Han is tortured, frozen in carbonite, and handed over to a bounty hunter. Later, in Return of the Jedi, a more seasoned Luke Skywalker pays the price of underestimating the dark side of the Force, something both Ben and Yoda warned him against. Had Vader not turned against the Emperor right there and then, Luke would’ve been toast. Of course, the Rebellion would’ve won the day nonetheless, right?

It is true that the depiction of the Imperial forces is uneven even among the movies of the OT. For the excellent Battle of Hoth we also have the (underwhelming) Battle of Endor, where the Empire’s forces are defeated by a small Rebel strike team working together with the primitive Ewoks. To be fair though, the size of the garrison on Endor is a lot smaller than the forces deployed during the Hoth battle and the terrain is a lot trickier and particularly well-suited for guerrilla tactics, where the advantage of numbers can be severely hampered. As a side note, there’s also a deleted scene from Return of the Jedi where we see Commander Jerjerrod’s conflict at being ordered by the Emperor to destroy the Endor moon, thereby killing friend and foe alike. No doubt Palpatine intended to use this to leverage Luke into submitting... or forcing him to use the dark side to strike at him. Quite the deviously cunning fellow Palpatine.

Well, that looks impressive.

Still, the sense that the movies and the EU convey is that the Empire, at the time of the OT, has a vast and fairly competent military, but suffers from corruption and internal power struggles, as does any large organization given enough power. Why would anyone expect anything less? The Grand Army of the Republic (GAR) was perhaps the most effective and efficient military at the time of the Clone Wars, comprised mostly, but not excusively, of highly-trained clones. I’m uncertain whether the clones’ rapid-aging is something that’s still canon (I somehow doubt it), but in any case Star Wars Rebels tells us that the Empire started phasing them out after the events of Episode III, replacing them with regular people, probably drafted from the many worlds of the Republic/Empire. 

I’ve seen many people use this argument to explain away things like why the stormtroopers have such bad aim but that’s ridiculous. With the right training and the right tools/weapons, the Empire could still have the most powerful army in the galaxy, and guess what? They do have the right training and the right tools and weapons. Rex himself admits that the Empire did use the clones to train new recruits and pass down their knowledge. The Empire also obviously kept all the vehicles, weapons, and technology they used to fight the Separatists, acquired some new ones, and upgraded others. 

There’s a popular, misquoted I believe, phrase that says, “There are no bad soldiers, only bad officers.” Possibly a re-interpretation of a quote attributed to Alexander the Great, “I am not afraid of an army of lions led by a sheep; I am afraid of an army of sheep led by a lion.” Regardless of the exact wording and of who said what, the point is clear: soldiers can only be (shown to be) as good as the person commanding them. 

Yang vs Reinhard: Two sides of the same coin.

This is a point that the excellent Legend of the Galactic Heroes illustrates time and again. For all his clever strategies, Yang Wenli cannot help but follow the orders of the corrupt and self-serving, but duly elected, government of the Free Planets Alliance, with disastrous results. All Yang can do is stave off defeat and live to fight another day. On the other hand, the Empire’s own master strategist, Reinhard von Lohengramm, has carte blanche to deal with the Alliance as he sees fit, and surrounds himself with officers that have the talent and skills to defeat his enemy, regardless of their background.

Which is the case in Star Wars Rebels? Well, I guess it’s neither. The Imperial forces in Rebels are depicted as grossly incompetent, there’s no other way around this, hardly better than the battle droids from The Clone Wars. The stromtrooper effect is brought to bear in full force in this show, so much so that even the main characters are forced to comment on how bad the stormtroopers’ aim is. Officers fare no better, being made a mockery of, like missing a shot at point-blank range, and falling into the usual tropes of caricaturesque villainy, like having a fat Imperial officer steal a fruit from a vendor and daring him to stop him.

If I had a penny for every time I’ve seen this scene...

Rebels tries to revert this by introducing mildly competent characters like Agent Kallus, Tarkin, the Inquisitors, Vader, and even Thrawn in season three. Unfortunately, the more these characters are foiled (and they’re foiled a lot), the less effective they are at trying to reinforce the notion that the Empire is a force to be reckoned with. Halfway through season two, Kallus and the Inquisitors are more of a bad punchline than anything else. Tarkin and Vader are better off since their appearances have been few and far between. The only fear that the Empire seems to have sowed so far is among its own, as Imperial officers are made to account for their failure with their lives. It’s difficult to take the Empire seriously if it takes so little to foil them.

Only recently I watched an episode where Princess Leia tries to indirectly deliver ships to the Rebels. The plan is for Kanan and company to steal the freighters while Leia’s delivering supplies. The Imperial officer on the planet, in what shall hence be known as “that time that the Empire did something smart,” aware that Alderaanian ships have fallen into Rebel hands under similar circumstances, secures them with gravity locks and adds a pair of (old?) AT-ATs for further security. The Rebels are initially stumped and grimly reach the conclusion that, at best, they’ll be able to steal one of the freighters but not all three. However, as is the case with the show, they manage to steal all three. The gravity locks are easily disabled by Chopper working together with an escaped Imperial prisoner who just happened to build gravity locks while in captivity; the AT-ATs are easily destroyed by the Ghost (that’s the name of Hera’s ship by the way), while Kanan chops off their legs with his lightsaber; and the stormtroopers are their usual useless selves.

Guess Luke forgot that trick in Empire Strikes Back, and Dark Empire, and pretty much every other story ever.

The Empire’s ineptitude on its own is enough of a problem but there’s another that adds to it, and that’s the familiar trope of plot armor. Yes, our main characters have it, a lot of it. Our small band of freedom fighters can do no wrong or get seriously injured. They can easily defeat the toughest of enemies and they always get away with anything no matter what. 

As an example, in that very same episode I mentioned above, at a certain moment a Hammerhead-class cruiser fires at the spot where the Princess, Kanan, and Ezra are standing still. My initial thought was, “How are they going to make it out of that? ‘cause that cruiser is bound to pack a punch.” The end result was nothing but a bit of smoke, a punch no more powerful than if a couple of stormtroopers had fired their blasters. The Hammerhead-class cruiser is not equipped with blasters but turbolaser cannons, and their discharge on ground troops should feel like artillery was raining down on you. However, this is far from the only example where the rules bend around our protagonists.

Perhaps the most egregious example though is the one I saw recently. I was watching episode 13 of season 2, “The Protector of Concord Dawn.” The Rebels are searching for new hyperspace routes not monitored by the Empire and they come upon the idea of using the hyperspace corridor through the Concord Dawn system. While the system has no apparent Imperial presence there is a Mandalorian colony on the planet Concord Dawn and so the Rebels try to negotiate safe passage with them. To make a long story short, the Mandalorians aren’t keen on the idea and shoot down a bunch of Rebel A-Wing fighters. Sabine’s the only one who makes it back to the fleet in one piece whereas Hera also makes the jump to lightspeed... with a half-destroyed A-Wing.

I mean, take a look at that. Are you seriously telling me an A-Wing managed the jump to lightspeed in that state and wasn’t torn apart in the process? Give me a break! And you know what the worst thing is, worse than that even? It was completely unnecessary! Indeed, having Hera captured by the Mandalorians would’ve been the perfect excuse for Kanan to mount a rescue op and return. Hera didn’t need to be safely tucked inside the belly of a Rebel frigate recuperating. But then Sabine wouldn’t have had a reason to seek revenge, would she? More on that later. 

At the end of the day we have an Empire that’s less of a threat and more of a joke with every passing episode, and protagonists who can get away with anything with no consequences. A perfect example of this happens early on in the series when Sabine infiltrates an Imperial airfield to blow up its TIE fighter contingent. The reason behind this is unclear, or maybe that’s what I’d like to think, because otherwise the show would suggest she did it for the lolz and because she’s an artist. Right, an artist of death, there’s nothing disturbing about that.

Anyway, the stormtroopers are soon alerted to her presence and, in typical Rebels fashion, she toys with and taunts them until one stomtrooper notices something odd on the wing of a TIE that looks a lot like a bomb. Sabine promptly makes her escape while the bomb blows up on the stormtrooper’s face. I’m not kidding, look, here’s how close the stormtrooper’s face was to the bomb:

And he lived. Yup, he and his buddies lived to tell the tale in their next encounter with Sabine in the airfield where she again blows up the TIEs, thereby reassuring us viewers that Sabine’s actions are completely harmless and that the stormtroopers will live to get blown up again. Isn’t that funny? I’m guessing that showing the shockwave from the explosion chopping the stormtrooper’s head off in a kids’ show would’ve been too funny, right?

All of this, the fact that the Imperials are useless, that the Rebels are invulnerable, that actions have no consequences, it all adds up to one simple, inevitable, truth: there are no stakes in this galaxy. Sure, a rebel fighter will be blown up from time to time, but who cares, you never knew him anyway. But wait, a protagonist gets captured! So what? Getting him out is as straightforward and repetitive as going to Tosche Station to pick up some power converters. It’s no big deal, just send in the A-Team, they’ll extract him and blow up half the Empire while they’re at it. There’s a blockade around the planet where the Rebels are at. So what? The A-Team will blow stuff up and escape with no casualties. Who needs a planetary Ion Cannon?

But there are AT-ATs! 

Made out of paper apparently.

Inquisitors! 

They sure don’t live up to the name.

Darth Vader himself! 

One appearance so far and he fails to capture or seriously cripple the Rebels in any way.

Um, Thrawn?

Look, I’m sure the creators thought that they were upping the stakes every time they introduced a new villain but I would question whether there were any to begin with. Like I said before, are we going to go all the way up to the Emperor to finally get things done? For all its faults, the Empire wasn’t that useles in the OT.

In a galaxy without stakes there’s little reason to care about its characters or their struggle and eventually you have to wonder, why is there even a struggle at all? When the show makes me ponder why the Rebellion hasn’t beaten the Empire already you know there’s something wrong somewhere.

What the Rebellion stands for

There’s a traditional narrative that the Rebel Alliance are noble idealists who rise up against the tyranny of the Galactic Empire to deliver peace and freedom to all peoples throughout the galaxy. That’s no secret, the opening crawls of the movies reinforce this by describing the Empire as ‘evil’ and having ‘sinister’ agents, and that ‘dreaded’ Imperial Starfleet, whereas the Rebels are ‘freedom fighters,’ and they have a Princess. Nobody doubts that the Empire are the bad guys here and the Rebel Alliance are the good guys.

Recently, Rogue One attempted to tint that narrative with shades of grey, at least on the part of the Rebels. Yes, the Rebels had spies, and assassins, and bombers, and they did terrible things in the name of the greater good. Our own history tells us that sometimes even the good guys can take extreme measures to end a conflict. Just consider the bombings of Hiroshima and Nagasaki during World War II. The U.S. used a superweapon to raze two cities to force the Japanese Empire to surrender. There was a reason behind the madness though. Oblivious to the development of the atomic bombs, the Allies had been working on a plan, codenamed Operation Downfall, for the invasion of Japan. Projected casualties for this plan were high and some estimates even reached the millions of fatalities on each side.

Depending on how you look at it, where you stand, war can be seen as an abstract, white vs black, a fight between the forces of good and evil. But from the battlefield, things aren’t always so clear cut, it’s not always easy to tell what’s the right thing to do and what’s the wrong thing to do.

Welcome to the harsh reality of war: she’ll be fine.

As I was watching “The Protector of Concord Dawn,” I was struck by Sabine’s anger at how the Mandalorians cut the Rebels to pieces. Hera almost dying now convinces Sabine that the Protectors are bad, what hardens her resolve to seeing them killed. Maybe it’s not said in so many words but the subtext (to be honest, there isn’t much sub) is there. After all, how dare they shoot at Hera when all the Rebels wanted was to negotiate for safe passage... and bully the Mandalorians into submission if that didn’t work. In fact, if memory serves, that was the original plan proposed by Commander Sato, a show of force meant to say, “you mess with the bull, you get the horns.”

Even Kanan, who initially suggests to try the diplomatic approach, soon changes his tune once the Protectors make it clear they won’t help the Rebels. But let’s explain exactly what the Protectors’ role is, shall we? The Protectors of Concord Dawn are a small group of Mandalorian warriors, led by Fenn Rau, who helped train clone troopers during the Clone Wars and even fought with the Republic in a few battles. Disillusioned by the result of the war, Fenn Rau has opted to bend his knee to the Empire, what I guess amounts to making sure no Rebel ship passes through Concord Dawn unscathed. The Protectors don’t have many resources, maybe as much as two dozen fighters, so it’s doubtful the Empire expects a lot of results from them. This means the Protectors are no direct threat to the Rebels unless the latter insist on using the Concord Dawn hyperspace corridor, which they do. As a result, the Rebels blow up most of the Mandalorian starfighters and kidnap Fenn Rau who, out of the blue, decides not to pursue the Rebels nor report their presence to the Empire. That doesn’t get him out of cuffs though.

Using blackmail to get things done. The Empire would be proud.

How was the Rebellion any better than the Empire here? Aren’t they abusing their power as they accuse the Empire of doing? The fact that Sabine was so eager for the Mandalorians’ blood is equally disturbing. What does she think happens to the stormtroopers they shoot or the fighters they destroy? The stormtroopers aren’t droids, the TIEs aren’t unmanned. These are people, good and bad, who are serving the Empire for a variety of reasons. But Rebels isn’t keen on exploring this, is it? Worse, it seems the writers are oblivious to it. Perhaps they expect us to go along with everything the Rebels do just because they’re the good guys?

When Anakin Force choked Poggle the Lesser in The Clone Wars it didn’t make his action any less bad because he was fighting for the good guys and we knew it. Everything in that scene suggested he was doing something bad, that he was drawing closer to the dark side. When Cassian shoots that man at the beginning of Rogue One you know he’s doing something bad, everything in that scene plays to that effect. Cassian’s momentarily disturbed by it and later brings up the subject of all the terrible things he’s done in the name of the Rebellion. At least he acknowledges it, Rebels doesn’t even try to ponder the matter. Kanan and company don’t even stop to consider that perhaps it wasn’t the right thing to do. That perhaps they could’ve left the Protectors alone, that perhaps they could have tried to recruit them at some other time and continue to look for another hyperspace route. What happens the next time the Rebels ask for something and they’re told no, do they take it by force regardless? 

These are questions that should naturally occur to any of the protagonists but, sadly, don’t. If they did, it would certainly elevate the show’s value in my eyes. To clarify, It’s not the fact that the Rebels do questionable things that I find disturbing, what I find disturbing is the fact that they don’t find anything questionable about them and that we, the viewers, are not meant to regard them in such a light. They’re the Rebels and their cause is just or, in other words, the ends justify the means.

To be fair, this was just one episode and it may very well be the only one. Turning out script after script for each new episode is probably no mean feat, and some episodes are bound to be tighter than others, but it had me asking all the wrong questions about Star Wars Rebels.

Conclusion

Having written all of this one might be led to believe that Star Wars Rebels is a terrible show, a stain on the popular franchise built by George Lucas and now owned by Disney. But like I said at the beginning of this post, it’s not. Rebels is far from the only show where its protagonists have plot-armour, or the villains are incompetent. It’s not the first show that suffers from narrative issues and it certainly won’t be the last. It’s certainly not the first one to mess with Star Wars continuity, oh no, Lucas was doing a fine job at that before Disney, with as recent an example as The Clone Wars.

What Star Wars Rebels is, is lazy. Its depiction of the fight between good and evil is one we’ve seen countless times before, and one we’ll see countless times hence. It’s easy to show the Imperials as incompetent bullies and the Rebels as invincible do-gooders, and it gets tiresome to watch the same tropes repeat themselves over and over again. One can go as far as saying it insults the viewer’s intelligence when the good guys’ actions are never challenged, even when they may be morally (or otherwise) reprehensible, or when the laws of the universe are knowingly ignored, damaging the narrative for the sake of drama.

There are no consequences to speak of that invite discussion, no stakes to make us care about the protagonists’ struggle. And it’s important that we care, if not for them, at least for the fledgling Rebel Alliance in their struggle against the mighty Empire. But if our protagonists don’t take the Empire seriously, why should we? Why should I? Might as well be just another day at Tosche Station picking up power converters.

[nat-one-knights]

Here is my first in many of creatures I'm going to make to post on mondays, in an effort to try and keep content rolling. Here are the Bread Dragons, the first perilous dive into Monster Mondays. I dunno if that's a thing already or what. But hey.

Anyways, I hope you all enjoy this! Let me know what you think!

Homebrewery link below for easier reading pleasure. https://homebrewery.naturalcrit.com/share/B1BaS6nAK4

The Ancient Grains

There are stories of a breed of dragons so powerful and old that even the most elder of the chromatic and metallic dragons fear their strength. They are known to most as grain dragons or bread dragons. When a bread dragon is born, most dragons will kill or attack them on sight, taking any and all measures to eradicate the bread dragons before they can mature. If a nest's location is known, dragons will often collaborate to destroy the nest. The power of the bread dragons is so fierce and potent that their mere presence can be known to alter and demolish the nearby landscape from their presence alone.

The smell of mold follows the most ancient of bread dragons, while the younger bread dragons smell like freshly baked pastries and crisp delight as a way to invite unsuspecting travelers into their abode. Fumes of their deliciousness seep from the vents of their straight spiraled horns, daunting any wayfarer that is enticed by their scent. The dragons are large and have a shell that covers their back, similar to that of armadillos.

The bread dragon is easy to track, fluffy flakes of their crisp crust falling to the ground as they trudge through the dry plains. Their eyes are grow more reminiscent of raisins as they age, instilling a primal fear in all who have mistaken a raisin cookie for a chocolate one.

Lovers of the Sun. Bread dragons like to bask in the sun, taking residence in deserts and plains where the sun is unobscured. They also like to fly up to the peaks of mountains, coming into the territory of red dragons often. Though they try to avoid wasting energy, they are not against flying above the clouds to feel the sun on their back.

Silent Destroyers. Bread dragons are silent surveyors, plotting their attack on the landscape to consume everything in sight. Bread dragons remember every occurance, every slight and insult against them.

The bread dragon will sit and cultivate those feelings into a full blown swath of destruction, plotting insanely inventive and cruel ways to exert their dominion and power over other creatures. They view themselves as the true heirs to the world, contesting red dragons often when one tries to gain control over a territory that a bread dragon has settled in. Their territory spans for miles around, expanding whenever possible.

Breeding Monsters. Bread dragons will only tolerate a few other creatures in its domain, with tolerate being a strong word. Bread dragons reproduce by budding, making smaller versions of themselves to patrol and protect the ever-reaching domain of the grain. Some especially ancient bread dragons can create small humanoid-esque bread forms, using them to infiltrate and sabotage humanoid settlements if the bread dragon is feeling bored. If the bread dragon is inventive enough, they can recreate creatures they've encountered through the same process. The idea of a bread creature army under the control of a bread dragon is horrifying enough an idea that chromatic and metallic dragons will cooperate for the sole goal of stopping such a thing.

The spawn of the bread dragon will obey the original, for fear of reabsorption into the collective. This does not stop the younger bread dragons from plotting to overthrow or escape the clutches of the original. Most attempts end in failure, as the original is wary enough of their own kin to avoid such scuffles.

A Bread Dragon's Lair

Bread dragons make their home in a number of places, keeping to drier climates whenever possible. Ancient bread dragons know they are most vulnerable around wetter climates, their hard shell becoming soggy and mushy when soaked. Because of this, they avoid bodies of water whenever possible and make their homes in dry caves or arid depressions. The more powerful the bread dragon, the drier the area becomes and so much that water is all but nonexistent.

The dragon will sleep covered in sand or hot ash, hiding itself completely away from any who would tread upon their domain. If awakened, the bread dragon will watch quietly and strike when the intruders are most unawares.

Lair Actions

On initiative count 20 (losing initative twice), the dragon takes a lair action to cause one of the following effects; the dragon can't use the same effect two rounds in a row:

Spores kick up and fill a space that the dragon can see within 120 feet of it, creating a 30-foot radius cloud. It lasts until initiative count 20 on the next round. Each creature that starts its turn in the cloud or enters the cloud for the first time on a turn must succeed on a DC 15 Constitution saving throw or be poisoned until the end of its turn. While poisoned in this way, a creature must repeat the saving throw if they take an action, wasting the action upon a failure.

Dust and ash from the area will spin into a 10-foot radius dust devil centered on a point within 60 feet of the dragon that it can see. It lasts until initiative count 20 on the next round. Any creature that starts their turn in the area or enters the area for the first time on a turn must succeed on a DC 13 saving throw or swept into the dust devil. On a failed save, the creature is knocked prone and thrown 10 feet in a random direction.

The dragon can turn up the heat like an oven, subjecting creatures within 60-foot radius of the dragon to intense heat. Each creature other than the dragon in that area must succeed on a DC 15 Constitution saving throw, taking 27 (6d8) fire damage on a failed save, or half as much damage on a successful one.

Regional Effects

The region containing a legendary bread dragon's lair is warped by the dragon's magic, which creates one or more of the folowing effects:

A great drought affects the area, drying out crops and eliminating any sources of water.

The air is thick and heavy with the scent of freshly baked goods.

All wildlife and flora have distinct flaky growths on them, infecting them and allowing the bread dragon to control them from afar.

If the dragon dies, these effects fade over the course of 1d100 days.

Bread dragons have a great fear of water since they know that if they come into contact with enough of it, they become more vulnerable as their hard crusty exterior grows weak and mushy. The older bread dragons have are somewhat more resistant to it, their shells and scales composed of thicker and drier material like masterfully crafted and ancient rye. The younger bread dragons are unable to fight off the effects as easily, their shells akin to modern white or potato bread.

If a bread dragon absorbs or is drenched with 10 or more cubic feet of water, their AC is reduced by 2 for 1 minute or until they take fire damage.

Bread Creation Template

A bread creation is a mimicry of any creature an adult or older bread dragon has encountered and formed through the shedding of their own shell. The following characteristics change or are aded to a creature that is a bread creation.

Retained Characteristics. The creation retains its Armor Class, hit points, Hit Dice, Strength, Dexterity, and Constitution scores.

Lost Characteristics. The creation lo9ses its original saving throw and skill bonuses, special senses, and special traits. It loses any action that isn't Multiattack or a melee weapon attack that deals bludgeoning, piercing, or slashing damage. If it has an action or a melee weapon attack that deals some other type of damage, it loses the ability to deal damage of that type, unless the damage comes from a piece of equipment, such as a magic item.

Type. The creation's type is plant, and it loses any tags.

Alignment. The creation is unaligned.

Speed. Reduce all the creation's speeds by 10 feet, to a minimum of 5 feet.

Ability Scores. The creation's ability scores change as follows: Int 1 (-5), Wis 8 (-2), Cha 1 (-5)

Senses. The creation has blindsense with a radius of 60 feet and it is blind beyond this radius.

Condition Immunities. The creation can't be blinded, charmed, or frightened.

Languages. The creation loses all known languages but it responds to orders given to it by the bread dragon that created it.

Attacks. If the creation has no other means of dealing damage, it can use its fists or limbs to make unarmred strikes. On a hit, an unarmed strike deals bludgeoning damage equal to 1d4 + the creation's Strength Modifier, doing an additional 1d4 of damage for each size category above Medium the creation is.

Ancient Bread Dragon

Gargantuan dragon, chaotic evil

Armor Class 23 (natural armor)

Hit Points 624 (32d20+288)

Speed 40 ft., burrow 40 ft., fly 80 ft.

Saving Throws Dex +5, Con +17, Wis +11, Cha +13

Skills Perception +22, Stealth +12

Damage Vulnerability slashing from serrated weapons

Damage Resistance cold, fire, force, thunder

Damage Immunity necrotic, poison, psychic, radiant

Condition Immunities diseased, poisoned

Senses passive Perception 32

Languages Common, Draconic, Grain

Challenge 26

Legendary Resistance (3/day). If the dragon fails a saving throw, it can choose to succeed instead.

Mold Production If the dragon receives necrotic damage, the dragon deals an additional 21 (6d6) poison damage on all of its melee weapon attacks for 1 minute or until it takes acid damage.

Multiattack. The dragon can use its Frightful Presence. It then makes three attacks: one with its cronch and two with its claws.

Cronch. Melee Weapon Attack: +17 to hit, reach 15 ft., one target. Hit 21 (2d10+10) piercing damage plus 28 (8d6) necrotic damage.

Claw. Melee Weapon Attack: +17 to hit, reach 10ft., one target. Hit 17 (2d6+10) slashing damage.

Tail. Melee Weapon Attack: +17 to hit, reach 20ft., one target. Hit 19 (2d8+10) bludgeoning damage

Frightful Presence. Each creature of the dragon's choice that is within 120 feet of the dragon and aware of it must succeed on a DC 22 Wisdom saving throw or become frightened for 1 minute. A creature can repeat the saving throw at the end of each of its turns, ending the effect on itself on a success. If a creature's saving throw is successful or the effect ends for it, the creature is immune to the dragon's Frightful Presence for the next 24 hours.

Yeast Breath (Recharge 5-6) The dragon exhales mold spores in a 90-foot cone. Each creature in that area must make a DC 25 Constitution saving throw, or immediately be afflicted by the disease Yeast Infection. If the Mold Production trait is active at the time of this breath weapon's use, the range of the breath weapon instead becomes a 120-foot cone.

The dragon can take 3 legendary actions, choosing from the option below. Only one legendary action option can be used at a time and only at the end of another creature's turn. The dragon regains spent legendary actions at the start of its turn.

Detect. The dragon makes a Wisdom (Perception) check

Tail Attack. The dragon makes a tail attack.

Wing Attack (Costs 2 actions). The dragon beats its wings. Each creature within 15 feet of the dragon must succeed on a DC 26 Dexterity saving throw or take 17 (2d6+10) bludgeoning damage and be knocked prone. The dragon can then fly up to half its flying speed.

Adult Bread Dragon

Huge dragon, chaotic evil

Armor Class 20 (natural armor)

Hit Points 333 (23d12+184

Speed 40 ft., burrow 40 ft., fly 80 ft.

Saving Throws Dex +5, Con +14, Wis +8, Cha +11

Skills Perception +14, Stealth +11

Damage Vulnerability slashing from serrated weapons

Damage Resistance cold, fire, force, thunder

Damage Immunity necrotic, poison, psychic, radiant

Condition Immunities diseased, poisoned

Senses passive Perception 24

Languages Common, Draconic, Grain

Challenge 20

Legendary Resistance (3/day). If the dragon fails a saving throw, it can choose to succeed instead.

Mold Production If the dragon receives necrotic damage, the dragon deals an additional 14 (4d6) poison damage on all of its melee weapon attacks for 1 minute or until it takes acid damage.

Multiattack. The dragon can use its Frightful Presence. It then makes three attacks: one with its cronch and two with its claws.

Cronch. Melee Weapon Attack: +15 to hit, reach 10 ft., one target. Hit 20 (2d10+9) piercing damage plus 14 (4d6) necrotic damage.

Claw. Melee Weapon Attack: +15 to hit, reach 5ft., one target. Hit 16 (2d6+9) slashing damage.

Tail. Melee Weapon Attack: +15 to hit, reach 15ft., one target. Hit 18 (2d8+9) bludgeoning damage.

Frightful Presence. Each creature of the dragon's choice that is within 120 feet of the dragon and aware of it must succeed on a DC 20 Wisdom saving throw or become frightened for 1 minute. A creature can repeat the saving throw at the end of each of its turns, ending the effect on itself on a success. If a creature's saving throw is successful or the effect ends for it, the creature is immune to the dragon's Frightful Presence for the next 24 hours.

Yeast Breath (Recharge 5-6) The dragon exhales mold spores in a 60-foot cone. Each creature in that area must make a DC 22 Constitution saving throw, or immediately be afflicted by the disease Yeast Infection. If the Mold Production trait is active at the time of this breath weapon's use, the range of the breath weapon instead becomes a 90-foot cone.

The dragon can take 3 legendary actions, choosing from the option below. Only one legendary action option can be used at a time and only at the end of another creature's turn. The dragon regains spent legendary actions at the start of its turn.

Detect. The dragon makes a Wisdom (Perception) check

Tail Attack. The dragon makes a tail attack.

Wing Attack (Costs 2 actions). The dragon beats its wings. Each creature within 10 feet of the dragon must succeed on a DC 23 Dexterity saving throw or take 17 (2d6+9) bludgeoning damage and be knocked prone. The dragon can then fly up to half its flying speed.

The bread dragon's breath weapon is a deadly spray of volatile and persistent spores that infiltrate a creature's system and reproduce at an alarming rate. A creature infected with this endures an almost crippling pain when they try to move.

A creature afflicted with Yeast Infection must succeed on a DC 15 Constitution saving throw at the start of their turn, taking 2d6 necrotic damage on a failure, has their movement speed halved, and makes attacks, ability checks, and saving throws with disadvantage until the start of their next turn. Upon a success, a creature takes half damage and only has their movement speed reduced by 5 feet.

Yeast Infection can be cured with greater restoration or heal, or successful ingestion of a week long course of antifungal medicine created from a sample of a bread dragon.

Young Bread Dragon

Large dragon, chaotic evil

Armor Class 19 (natural armor)

Hit Points 241 (21d10+126)

Speed 40 ft., burrow 40 ft., fly 80 ft.

Saving Throws Dex +5, Con +10, Wis +5, Cha +7

Skills Perception +9, Stealth +9

Damage Vulnerability slashing from serrated weapons

Damage Immunity necrotic, poison, psychic, radiant

Condition Immunities diseased, poisoned

Senses passive Perception 19

Languages Common, Draconic, Grain

Challenge 12

Mold Production If the dragon receives necrotic damage, the dragon deals an additional 7 (2d6) poison damage on all of its melee weapon attacks for 1 minute or until it takes acid damage.

Multiattack. The dragon makes three attacks: one with its cronch and two with its claws.

Cronch. Melee Weapon Attack: +11 to hit, reach 10 ft., one target. Hit 18 (2d10+7) piercing damage plus 7 (2d6) necrotic damage.

Claw. Melee Weapon Attack: +11 to hit, reach 5ft., one target. Hit 14 (2d6+7) slashing damage.

Yeast Breath (Recharge 5-6) The dragon exhales mold spores in a 30-foot cone. Each creature in that area must make a DC 18 Constitution saving throw, or immediately be afflicted by the disease Yeast Infection. If the Mold Production trait is active at the time of this breath weapon's use, the range of the breath weapon instead becomes a 60-foot cone.

Bread Dragon Wyrmling

Medium dragon, chaotic evil

Armor Class 18 (natural armor)

Hit Points 119 (14d8+56)

Speed 30 ft., burrow 30 ft., fly 60 ft.

Saving Throws Dex +5, Con +8, Wis +3, Cha +1

Skills Perception +3, Stealth +5

Damage Vulnerability slashing from serrated weapons

Damage Immunity necrotic, poison, psychic, radiant

Condition Immunities diseased, poisoned

Senses passive Perception 15

Languages Common, Draconic, Grain

Challenge 5

Mold Production If the dragon receives necrotic damage, the dragon deals an additional 7 (1d6) poison damage on all of its melee weapon attacks for 1 minute or until it takes acid damage.

Cronch. Melee Weapon Attack: +8 to hit, reach 10 ft., one target. Hit 11 (1d10+5) piercing damage plus 4 (1d6) necrotic damage.

Yeast Breath (Recharge 5-6) The dragon exhales mold spores in a 15-foot cone. Each creature in that area must make a DC 14 Constitution saving throw, or immediately be afflicted by the disease Yeast Infection.