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hnychn · 4 years ago

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𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐎𝐑 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐋𝐃 [𝐄𝐑𝐄𝐍]

summary : it was painful to watch eren become the very person he swore to protect you from

warnings : gender neutral reader, angst (when is it not), season 4 anime spoilers, a bit of jean x reader but nothing is specified,

word count : 2k+

a/n : i kinda don't like this cause idk if the feeling came out as i wanted it to, but i also don't know how to fix it and make it better. i kinda played around with eren's titan abilities and the memories he inherited, but anyways lmk what you thought.

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Philtatos.

That’s what Achilles was said to have called his love, Patroclus.

Most Beloved.

A word often spoken between the two as the salty ocean breeze filtered through the open windows and Achilles held Patroclus as if he were the moon holding his tide and Patroclus held Achilles as if he were brightening his world like a thousand golden urns. A word spoken between gasps and puffy lips as the moon peeked through the curtains and guided the two lovers. A word so precious and valuable it was the only word Achilles could cry as he held his lover’s body in the aftermath of the Trojan War.

But words too often spoken, are meanings too often lost.

“If it ever came down to you or the world, I’d choose you over and over and over.”

Much like Patroclus, you cherished the words so rarely dripped from his lips like a drop of water spilling over the edge of a cup. You held Eren tighter, pressed more kisses to the curve of his lips, held his face closer to your own when he let those rare words slip from his lips. When he spoke those words, it was as if a million stars had suddenly been dropped into your dark abyss of a universe and guided your way through life; each sparkle capturing a piece of your breath and stealing your heart and soul with no intentions of giving it back.

Eren embodied the golden urns that spilled from the sun that guided Patroclus’ path to Achilles in the afterlife; he was bright, warm, home.

When Eren lit up your word as he did, when he lit up your path and guided you to him, it was easy to call him home. He was your person. Your person who waited for you with open arms and a cup overflowing with love waiting for you to take and cherish and keep. It was easy for you to mold yourself into his arms on harsher days when he pat your head and whispered, “It’s you over the world. Always” into your ears when you wanted to scream and cry and set fire to the world.

He promised you protection; a secure future filled with love and hope and freedom and forever. It was easy to believe him when he put his life on the line for you when he was on trial. Screaming and thrashing and struggling to get to you as members of the military brigade twisted your arms behind your back and threatened to end your life on suspicions of knowing Eren’s secret. It was easy to believe him when he held you close later, with the moon’s light filtering into the room and the cold breeze cradling both of your bodies. It was easy to believe him when he held you close, his hands fisting the back of your shirt as if someone would burst in and steal you from him at any moment, while his words tickled your ear and warmed your heart, “I will protect you. You are my world.”

But words too often spoken, are meanings too often lost.

You could remember the day his words started lacking their once bright luster. Not long after retaking Wall Maria, you felt the salty ocean breeze against the curves of your face and the cool ocean water against the heels of your ankle. You smiled as you watched Connie and Sasha play in the water and looked over to Eren to do the same; but the sparkle in his eyes, or rather the lack thereof, is when the warmth of his words started to burn out like a flame too long exposed to the harsh winter.

"The world is against us. . .and I won’t let them win.”

Your back was turned to him, pressing against his firm chest that once grounded you in reality and assured you of safety; but now it only frightened you and summoned a churn in your stomach you didn’t know was possible in Eren’s presence.

It was as if your mind recognized it sooner than your heart did. As if your brain could recognize the small changes in your lover, the way his eyes slowly dimmed and were no longer the same jade green that reminded you of the soft grass that tickled the pads of your feet outside of your childhood cottage but had turned into a stormy grey that reminded you of the storms that sunk ships and shattered the hearts and trust of many.

But your heart refused to acknowledge it. Eren had placed a veil of red in front of your heart that blurred all sense of rationale you had. You could see the way he seemed to withdraw into himself more, his words became more scarce, his affection became rarer and rarer as the days passed. Your eyes could register the lack of sparkle in his when he looked at you, but your heart was under his control and refused to acknowledge it.

It was painful watching the person you love most slowly fall out of love with you.

Your heart ached when you looked him in the eyes and were faced with the heartbreaking reality that the stars that once lit up your whole universe were now slowly dimming and simmering away.

And then he disappeared.

As if he were whispers of dandelions floating in the wind, he disappeared, leaving nothing but a stem of the flower he once was in his wake.

You cried and screamed and thrashed about when you first found out, and despite his arms wrapped around you in an effort of comfort, Jean wasn't Eren. You pounded against his chest and screamed at him to let you go, to let you leave and find eren. Because it had to be a mistake, Eren wouldn't just leave you behind . . . right?

The blinding veil had been ripped from your heart and left it shattered. You spent several days locked in your room with only a few shirts Eren left behind to comfort you, his natural scent fading away as time passed, just as his love did for you.

Though, just as Patroclus did, you soon found your peace (though it wasn’t as heartwarming as reuniting with your long-lost lover like Patroclus, peace was peace and you would accept it as it came). It took a while, but with the help of your friends and Jean, you were able to pick up the pieces of your shattered heart and tape them back together.

But the process of healing is not a simple task.

There were days where you wanted to scream at the stars at the top of your lungs, there were days where you wanted to lock yourself in your room again and cry until there were no more tears for you to give, and there were days where you wanted to shatter Eren’s nose as he did your heart. But you took those days with unwavering confidence and picked up your pieces when they fell again.

You picked them up until there was no more need to pick them up because time had healed you. And while it did hurt to accept it, it was a part of healing.

And so, you accepted that Eren had chosen a life without you.

Eren didn't know whether to be happy or not to see you.

Happy you were alive. Happy he was able to see your face one more time. Happy you had made it out alive from the problems he caused.

His soul ached for him to reach out to you, to hold you close and pepper kisses to your face, and never let you go from the protection of his arms. He ached to take your hand in his and feel the way they fit so perfectly together as if they were made of the same mold. Eren ached to feel the soft pads of your fingers against his cheeks and hear your reassurances that, yes, he was good.

But he stayed put.

And he allowed you to look at him with those beautiful eyes he once loved looking into during the darkest nights that were filled with a love words could not tie-down, but we're now filled with confusion and laced with anger and an array of emotions Eren couldn’t blame you for. Eren allowed you to walk out the door of the airship and into the back where he could hear screams of joy. He let you walk away from him; the echoing sounds of your footsteps getting quieter and quieter as you walked farther away from him.

That was the only time Eren questioned whether what he was doing was right. The more steps you took away from him, the more he had to restrain his body from grabbing you and chaining you to the front of the ship. His body screamed at him to yell, speak, kick, grab you, tackle you, do anything to stop you from leaving.

But he didn't, and he allowed you to walk away.

Eren stared blankly at the metal flooring of the airship as he heard the cheering abruptly stop, and his heart sank. He prayed and prayed to the gods he didn't believe in for someone else to have been hit, that it was someone else bleeding onto the cold floor; because Eren knew he wouldn't be able to go to you. Not with Levi in front of him.

His prayers went unanswered as Jean walked in with two kids, his eyes were red with unshed tears and his hands gripped their clothing as if it were the only thing grounding him to this reality. A reality where you had been shot. A reality that Eren had seen and could have prevented.

Everything seemed to go blank then. It was as if his body shut down, his lands going limp in his lap. The sounds of Mikasa and Armin running out of the room were only white noise, but the sound of your name falling in screams once they saw you were as clear as day.

It was then that Eren realized he was but a pawn in the grand scheme of the memories he held. There was no alternative for him, no way for him to save the people he loved; leaving him to experience loss not once, but twice.

Eren tried to soften the blow of your loss by convincing himself he didn't love you, that your love was nothing but puppy love he clung onto for a small sliver of a normal life, but seeing you again for the first time in years reminded him how much he loved you.

The way you stood with confidence and fought on foreign land made his heart beat with the remembrance of the nights he held you close in his arms and whispered promises of protection and love. Promises of a world of freedom and independence.

"It's you, you, you. Always you,” words once whispered with a love Eren could only dream and long for in the present where you would no longer be there to hear them.

There was no doubt in his mind, in another universe, one where titans didn't roam the earth and the world wasn't against them, Eren would have chosen you in a heartbeat, over and over and over. In a world where his only worries would be what to eat for dinner that night, Eren would hold you close and cherish you just like he wished could in this universe.

But as the memories he inherited played out just as he knew them to and the feeling of losing you weighed heavier on him than it had when he first saw the memory years ago, Eren knew there was nothing else keeping him from becoming the very thing he promised to protect you from.

A monster.

And when Connie walked into the room, his hands stained with your blood and his eyes dripping with the horror of losing someone close, Eren knew what he had done.

Eren chose the world over you.

taglist: @hells-glory-hole @ashveil @stickystrawberrysyrup @420-uwu @kaiwai @the-trash-mammal @dprhvn @noodle-m-c-doodle

#attack on titan #attack on titan x reader #eren x reader #eren yaeger x reader #eren jaeger #eren jeager x reader #eren yeager #team eren #angst #attack on titan headcanons #attack on titan headcanon #subtle jean x reader

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pregnant-piggy · 4 years ago

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The colour of your eyes

Remus Lupin x reader

Request: Hi love, can I please request a Remus x Slytherin!reader with a soulmate AU? @obsessedwithrandomthings

Words: 7k

Warnings: angst, but with a happy ending

A/N: I know it’s a bit long, but i just loved the plot so much i had to write it. Also, i developed a crush on Maia in this fic... I tried to keep everything as gender neutral as possible! I hope you like it!

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The connection between two persons, that turns into a deep understanding faster than between two people who have found each other without that bond, is called a soulmate-bond. Soulmates are, though popular in literature, rare in the real world. It is not often that two people form a deep, meaningful connection without knowing a lot from each other and are destined to spend their lives together.

Different from fiction, the way to recognise one's soulmate has nothing to do with names, tattoos or songs. There is one obvious for sight, yet more complicated way to find out one has a soulmate. The colours of one's eyes changes to the mood of their soulmate, but only after they have met their soulmate. Before this occasion there is no difference in eye colour.

The change of colour does not hurt one's eyes nor does it have any other impact on the rest of their appearance. To one self it is, without a mirror, impossible to notice the change.

To each emotion belongs a different colour.

Red indicates anger.

Yellow indicates happiness or excitement.

Blue is an indicator for sadness and sobriety.

Green stands for jealousy.

Purple, nervousness or anxiety.

Orange shows boredom and disinterest.

Black indicates fear.

Grey shows deep concentration and focus.

You knew every word on the page that had been ripped from an old book. It had been wrinkled, smoothed out and wrinkled and smoothed out again. The once white paper had turned yellow over the time and some of the words were smudged because you had spilled tears on them. It was a paper that you always carried with you in a book or somewhere close, ever since you had found out you had a soulmate.

The exact day that you had found out was still in your memory like it was yesterday. It had been your second day at Hogwarts. You had been a little first-year, new to Hogwarts and everything around it. The Sorting Hat had placed you in Slytherin and you had immediately realised that you had found a home in your house. You had made friends with a girl that had sat down next to you. Only fifteen minutes it had taken you before you had realised that the next seven years would be the best of your life.

The next day you had met your year mates. Flying lessons with the Hufflepuffs, Potions with the Gryffindors and Herbiology with the Ravenclaws. Nothing had seemed different to you; you had gone through your day full of new impressions. But at dinner your new friend, Maia, had pointed out to you that your eyes were a weird colour. She had told you that they were yellow, when she was sure that they had been a different colour this morning. Together with her you had rushed out of the Great Hall to the closest bathroom, where, much to your shock, you found out that your eyes were indeed a different colour. And like that wasn’t scary enough to you, as you were watching yourself in the mirror, your eye colour changed from yellow to purple.

That was the day that Maia had introduced you to the existence of soulmates. Together with her you had snuck to the library at night and had ripped out the page you were holding in your hand now. The fact that you had a soulmate was still something that brought you to tears if you thought of it. They must be in your year, since your eyes had changed the day you had met everyone else in the same year as you, but that was all you knew about them. And even about that you weren’t entirely sure; you had never heard someone else talk about soulmates or changing eye colours.

And now you were starting your last year at Hogwarts. With no sign of your supposed soulmate.

You folded the page and put it in the back pocket of your jeans as the lights in the train turned on, since it was getting darker outside. The rain was slamming down on the window and it was impossible to know where the Hogwarts Express exactly was. You could only guess. The rain on the window made everything outside one big smudge.

Maia was sitting next to you, her head on your shoulder and her pastel purple hair falling in front of her face. She was asleep. She had been for the past two hours. You were bored; you missed the bright mood that Maia brought when she talked to you. The rain made you sad and as you were alone you couldn’t help that your mind wondered to your soulmate.

You took the little mirror, that you brought along wherever you went since you had found out you had a soulmate, and looked at your eyes. They were yellow and the fact that your soulmate, wherever they might be, was happy made you feel a little bit better. At least someone was enjoying the train ride.

-=-=-=-

The rain was still slamming down as you ran with Maia to the big front doors of the castle. You were completely soaked already; the carriages that brought you from the train to the castle had no roofs. Whoever had invented them had apparently no knowledge of the Scottish weather.

Together with a big group of students you and your friend ran inside and you nearly collided with someone in your hurry to get inside.

‘Oh, I’m sorry,’ you mumbled, wiping the water from your face. The person you had ran into turned around and smiled at you. Maia walked past you and you lost her for a moment as you looked at the boy you had nearly knocked off his feet.

‘Don’t worry, I’m still standing,’ Remus Lupin said with a smile. ‘y/l/n, right? Slytherin?’

You nodded and looked over his shoulder to see if you could find Maia.

‘Did you have a good summer?’ he asked you.

‘Yeah, it was great,’ you mumbled still searching for your friend. ‘Went to France, great nature, terrible food.’

Somewhere in between the sea of students you spotted a purple head looking around. Maia was looking in your way and you waved at her. ‘Maia! Over here!’ you yelled and when she saw you she started to make her way over to you. ‘Great talking to you, Lupin. I’ll see you around,’ you said and you walked past him without looking him in the eye.

After uniting with Maia, you sat down with her in the Great Hall and students started to fill the space. You recognised some familiar faces and together with your best friend you laughed at the nervous first-years when they walked into the Great Hall all looking nervous.

The Sorting Ceremony was not any different than previous years. The Hat sang a song, was placed on each student’s head, yelled the house and then disappeared when all the new kids were sorted. The new additions to Slytherin were greeted with hospitality and soon felt at ease, even though surrounded by fifteen and sixteen year olds.

Dumbledore got up to speak and you sighed; it had been a long day already and you just wanted to eat. ‘Your soulmate agrees,’ Maia muttered as she looked you in the eye.

‘Orange?’ you asked.

‘Orange,’ she affirmed.

You shook your head and laughed softly. Well, at least that was something. Your soulmate was just as bored as you were.

Dumbledore finished his speech and you and Maia attacked the food on the table. You both stayed silent during dinner, preferring to listen to your class mates stories rather than to actually talk yourself. You had already told Maia everything about your vacation and she about hers, so between you two there was nothing to share. It was nice to listen to other people’s stories, especially if that meant that you could discuss them with Maia later that night. You could share a look with her and know that that was something you would come back to in privacy.

Which you did.

Later that evening, as most of the common room was cleared of people, you and Maia sat at the window. The rain was still falling down and sometimes the room lit up by a bolt of lightning. The tears were on your cheeks as you listened to Maia retelling a story you had heard earlier at dinner.

‘You’ve got a special talent for that,’ you sighed as you wiped away the tears from your face.

Maia just shrugged and studied your face for a moment. You felt the uneasiness suddenly build in your stomach as she raised her eyebrow.

‘What colour?’ you asked softly.

‘Purple,’ she answered plainly as she got closer to you. She sat down on the armrest of your chair and you looked at her for a second before you turned away.

‘I just want to know who it is,’ you sighed and averted your eyes.

‘I know, I know,’ Maia said and she pulled you to her side. ‘But you will. We will figure it out! Before Christmas!’

You pulled away from her embrace and looked at her. She had an enthusiastic look on her face. ‘We have tried for six years and never found out, what makes you think that we can do it before Christmas?’ you asked.

‘I don’t know, I just have the feeling that it will work. I mean it is our last year and the person probably wants to know it too! Maybe they’re just scared or something.’

‘Or maybe they know it’s me and they don’t want me as their soulmate,’ you said sadly.

‘Oh stop being so dramatic! You’re a delight and anyone should be lucky to have you as their soulmate!’ Maia exclaimed and she kissed you on your cheek before she started to dance around the common room, making the few people that were still there look up in surprise.

-=-=-=-

The following week you and Maia started to examine everyone from your year whenever you were around them. Breakfast was the time for watching the Hufflepuffs on the table next to you, at lunch you looked at the Ravenclaws on the other side and at dinner you could only look at the Gryffindors from afar.

You had a few classes with students from other houses, but since not everyone had the same classes, there were only a few people you could look at. Maia did the same in her classes and at the end of the day you got together and discussed what you had seen.

So far you had not seen anyone whose eye colour was a strange one. Most common were the brown and blue eyes, some green ones and even a few grey. But no one had purple, yellow or orange eyes. No one’s eye colour switched with your mood. You even dropped the word ‘soulmate’ a few times, but no one seemed to have any interest in it. They shrugged, told you they didn’t know about them or just ignored you. Peter Pettigrew, who was in your Arithmancy class, made a little jump and quickly ran away from you, but that was probably just because he was scared of you; he always acted like that around you.

After that week your mood dropped quickly. Finding your soulmate was harder than you had thought and the lack of success was not making you any more motivated to search. Luckily you had Maia at your side, who was still convinced you would find them before Christmas. She pointed at any seventh-year student you walked by, whispering facts about them and imaging them as your soulmate.

‘What about them? They look cute,’ she mumbled to you as you sat in the courtyard. She was pointing at a Hufflepuff across the yard.

‘Are their eyes orange?’ you asked. ‘Because I am kinda done with this whole soulmate-thing.’

‘Don’t say that! You can’t just give up after one week!’ Maia cried out and she turned away from the Hufflepuff. ‘We’ll find them! At least we can cross some people off the list.’

‘I know,’ you sighed. ‘Just… Why is it so difficult? Don’t they want to know? Don’t they want me as their soulmate?’

‘Merlin, you’re dramatic!’ Maia giggled and she shook her head. ‘Believe me, anyone would be lucky to have you as their soulmate. They just don’t know what they’re missing out on!’

You rested your head on her shoulder and let out another sigh. This soulmate thing had been going on for more than six years now and you still hadn't found them. You really wanted to believe what Maia said, but the doubts were climbing into your mind, making you wonder about reasons why your soulmate hadn't made any contact with you.

‘They are cute though,’ Maia said as her eyes turned back to the Hufflepuff.

‘So you go for them,’ you said, lifting your head from your friend's shoulder.

‘Not that cute...’

-=-=-=-

Another month passed and still nothing happened. The late summer of September turned into October's autumn. The green trees turned orange and the bright green grass darkened. Blue skies made place for dark clouds filled with rain that fell at night. Leafs started to fall from the trees, leaving the branches exposed to sight.

You spent your days in classes, your afternoons in the library, your nights in the common room. Since the professors wanted to prepare you for your final exams, they had taken every opportunity to give their students extra assignments. It wasn’t uncommon to find half of all the seventh years cramped in the library. Ravenclaws next to Gryffindors and Slytherins helping Hufflepuffs; your house didn’t matter on those afternoons.

The rare free moments you spent with Maia. She was still determined to find your soulmate before the end of December, though her determination had faded over the past month. The enthusiasm and perseverance that she had had in the first week wasn’t gone, but now only came out a few times a week. She would glance at people over dinner and point out people that she thought would match with you when you walked through the corridors, but even she had had to admit that it was harder than she had thought. Your soulmate was hidden and neither you or Maia knew where.

‘But what happens if you see them? Don’t you feel something?’ Maia asked on a Saturday night.

You and her had sneaked out to the courtyard and were sitting on a cold stone bench, watching the stars in the skies. The full moon was standing fiercely in the dark sky, surrounded by hundreds of stars.

‘Nothing,’ you said. ‘Only if I look them in the eyes. Then both of our eyes will go past all the colours. But when we’re apart our eyes will show the moods again. I’ll never get my original colour back.’

‘I don’t even remember what your normal eye colour is,’ Maia chuckled. ‘They have been coloured the since the first day I met you, I never got the time to admire your real colour.’

You laughed softly and turned your gaze to the moon. A cloud passed by and the light the moon shone on the courtyard faded a little. There were no sounds other than rustling leafs and Maia’s and your breathing. After a while the cloud moved by and the moon reappeared.

‘They’re black,’ Maia said, her voice clear in the silence around you.

‘Black?’ you repeated and turned to your friend. She nodded and got a little closer to you, examining your eyes.

‘Yes, black.’

You blinked as if that would make your eyes turn back. Why were they black? What was your soulmate afraid of? Though you didn’t like to admit it, you were a bit worried about them. Over the past weeks your eyes had been purple and blue more than yellow. Maybe you didn’t know who your soulmate was, but you did want them to be happy.

Shaking your head you turned your eyes to the ground at your feet. The moon was reflected on your boots and you stared at the white circle. An uneasy feeling washed over your body and you shivered.

‘Maybe we should go back,’ Maia suggested and you looked up to her. The expression on her face matched how you were feeling and you nodded.

In silence you walked back to the Slytherin common room, every now and then hiding from Filch in a secret passage. The castle was deserted and the way back to the common room seemed longer in the dark. Your footsteps echoed through the halls and Maia’s smaller steps filled yours like a beat.

You reached the corridor of the common room when Maia put out her arm and slapped her hand in front of her mouth. Her eyes widened like she was screaming and when you looked at where she was pointing you took a step back in shock.

There on the ground in front of you stood a big, fat rat. It was carrying a vial with a yellow liquid along. You grabbed Maia’s hand and together you looked at the rat, that seemed to be looking back at you. Maia dropped the hand in front of her mouth and when she looked at you she couldn’t suppress a laugh. You looked from the rat to Maia and back and you felt laughter rising in your body.

Maybe it was the strange situation or maybe it was the lack of sleep this night, but you and Maia burst out into laughter and couldn’t stop. The tears streamed down your face as you stepped over the rat and walked towards the common room.

You were still laughing as you stood in the empty common room and for a moment you had forgotten about your black eyes. But as you saw your reflection in a mirror on the wall your laughter stopped and you stared at your eyes.

Black eyes weren’t a really uncommon thing to see; your soulmate seemed to be scared quite a lot. But every time you saw those black orbs staring back at you in the mirror, you couldn’t suppress a shiver. There was something unnatural about black eyes, or maybe it was just the reason they were black.

-=-=-=-

‘Why is it so cold?’ you grumbled as you pulled your coat closer around you.

It was the first weekend of November and you and Maia were walking to Hogsmeade. The winter had come early this year. The winds were cold and cut through your coat. It was still raining like had done in the autumn, but combined with the cold wind if felt like winter. All that was missing was the snow.

‘Because it is November,’ Maia said and she tied her scarf tighter around her neck.

‘Three Broomsticks?’ you asked and she nodded eagerly, taking you by the arm and pulling you through the streets.

The Three Broomsticks was filled with people, but there were enough spaces left to sit. You claimed a table for two, while Maia went to get drinks. You took off your coat and put in on the back of the chair as you looked around the space. What you saw were mostly Hogwarts students who had, just as you and Maia, taken an escape from the cold streets. At the bar you saw two big men with dark hair and red robes, there was a tiny old woman sitting alone in the corner of the room and you even saw a few teachers on the other side of the room.

‘Here you go,’ Maia said and she handed over a Butterbeer while she sat down. ‘Any possible soulmates?’

You grinned before you took a sip of your drink. ‘Nah, don’t think so,’ you said shaking your head.

‘You still have no idea?’

‘As much as you have,’ you mumbled and stared at your glass.

Honestly, you had given up on finding your soulmate. You just didn’t see it happen any time soon. Maybe you weren’t destined to meet your soulmate, maybe you were like a character in a tragedy. One that has a soulmate but will never meet them. Quite a depressive thought…

Maia let her eyes roam through the space filled with fellow students. She waved at a few other Slytherins a few tables away from you and then turned back to you.

‘You’ll find them, don’t worry,’ Maia said like she could read your mind. ‘It’s not Christmas yet, we still have one and a half month.’

You smiled sadly at Maia and luckily she changed the subject. Your soulmate was forgotten for a moment as you talked with your best friend about possible romances within your house and stupid fights between third-years. You laughed when you discussed the weird situation with the rat last month and you got through three Butterbeers before you went back into the cold outside.

The wind blew against your bare cheeks and you put your hands in your pockets. The skies were grey, but it didn’t seem like it would rain. The streets were filled with dark brown and red leafs from the trees further at the end of the street. There were little groups of friends huddled together in front of shop windows.

For two hours you strolled with Maia through the little village, every now and then going into a shop. Every time you stepped outside the wind crashed against the exposed parts of your body and your fingers grew numb from the cold. After a while you and Maia decided that it had been enough and you started on your way back to the castle.

You hadn’t walked further than three steps when someone behind you called your name, making you stop in your tracks and turn around.

‘You dropped this,’ Remus Lupin said and he looked at a glove in his hand.

‘That’s not mine,’ you said and you glanced at Maia next to you. She hid her smile behind her hand as she looked from Remus’ red face to you.

‘Oh,’ Remus said and he dropped his hand. ‘I thought it fell from your pocket.’

He looked up to you and you saw two bright yellow eyes stare back at you. You were taken aback for a moment; you had never seen someone with such eyes. As you blinked to look better, the colour suddenly changed from yellow into red and then into blue.

Maia gasped and you realised what had happened. Your jaw dropped and you shook your head.

No, Remus Lupin couldn’t be your soulmate. No, it couldn’t.

Remus seemed to have realised the same thing as you, but unlike you he just smiled. You studied his face, from his purple eyes and stupid grin to his red cheeks and the scar that crossed over his nose.

‘Moony? What’s going on?’ someone behind Remus yelled and before you knew it, three boys surrounded you, Remus and Maia, who was staring with big eyes at Remus.

James Potter, Sirius Black and Peter Pettigrew. They were all there and wore just as stupid smiles as Remus. You quickly looked at them. James winked at you, Sirius nodded and Peter took a step back as you looked at him.

‘So you finally told her you’re soulmates?’ James asked Remus.

That snapped you out of your shock. Finally?

‘You knew?’ you asked, trying so hard not to let the anger through in your voice. ‘For how long?’

Remus mumbled something you couldn’t hear and you opened your mouth to say something, but Maia was first. ‘How long?’

‘Since fourth year…’

You snorted and looked into the eyes that were still changing colour, though every colour seemed to have a red undertone now. He had known for three years and he never told you?

Done with the conversation, that could barely be called a conversation, you took Maia’s arm and turned around. Swiftly you walked away from the group of boys, leaving a blue-eyed boy.

-=-=-=-

For the following two weeks you ignored every attempt Remus made to get to talk to you; you left immediately after the class was over, you ate at times the Great Hall was almost empty and you spent all your free time in the common room.

You didn’t need to see Remus to know how he felt; your eyes said enough. They had been blue the entire fortnight after you had ran into him in Hogsmeade. You were pretty sure his eyes were a mix between blue and red, sadness and anger the only two emotions that filled you at the moment.

It was Friday night and you sat in the corner of a sofa close to the fire hidden. Your knees were pulled up to your chest and your fingers were playing with the edges of your trousers. You were staring into the fire, taking in the silence of the common room. It was around dinner time and most of the Slytherins were gone. You weren’t hungry. Or so you thought, because when Maia walked into the common room with a plate of food, your stomach started to growl.

‘He’s outside the door,’ Maia said as she sat down next to you and stole a fry of your plate.

‘I don’t want to talk to him,’ you mumbled back.

Maia sighed and nodded as she leaned back into the couch, resting her head on the back. ‘You have to talk to him eventually. He is your soulmate, after all.’

‘Maia, he knew! He knew he was my soulmate! And he said nothing!’

‘I know, I know! I am not taking his side, I promise!’ Maia said and she turned her head to you. ‘But he is your soulmate and he feels bad.’

You looked to her and raised your eyebrow. ‘How do you know?’

‘He has been asking me to get you to talk to him. He says he is genuinely sorry and that he would like to apologise to you.’

You stared back at the fire and ate your dinner, not tasting anything. Some part deep down in you did want to talk to Remus, but you were also still mad at him. If he apologised now you’d accept his apology and you weren’t sure if you were ready for that.

‘You don’t have to talk to him,’ Maia said. ‘But you have to stop hiding here. I want to do fun things with you! Come on, come to the game with me tomorrow! Slytherin versus Ravenclaw. You just know we’re going to win.’

‘Alright, alright,’ you said, unable to turn Maia down when she was so sweet to you. ‘I’ll go to the game with you.’

-=-=-=-

Grey skies stretched out over the school grounds. The sun was hidden behind think layers of clouds. It seemed as though everything was under a filter of grey. But it was still dry and there was no rain predicted for the day.

The perfect Quidditch weather, Maia told you as you stood with her in the stands. She was wearing a Slytherin scarf and her face was half hidden behind it. Her purple hair peaked out from under her hat.

The game took your mind of everything that was going on for a while. You watched with anticipation. Slytherin was stronger than Ravenclaw, everyone knew that. But still the game was exciting. With every goal the Slytherins made, you and Maia yelled and cheered. The Slytherin Seeker caught the snitch after forty five minutes. A loud applaud erupted from the Slytherin stands, while the other three houses groaned. For some reason they all stood on Ravenclaw’s side. They always did. It had never happened that the Slytherins were supported by one of the other houses. But they didn’t need the support, they were good enough without.

You hugged Maia happily and you both yelled at the Slytherin players as they made a victory lap around the arena. The captain of the team screamed there was going to be a party in the common room right after and he flashed you and Maia a smile, since the two of you were one of the few left in the stands.

Laughing you descended the stands with Maia and started to make you way back to the castle. But before you could even turn the corner, you were stopped by no one less than Remus Lupin.

In a reflex you took Maia’s hand, before you looked at him. His eyes were yellow but the colour was soon fading to purple. You were a bit uncomfortable as he stared not at you but at some other place on your face and you said nothing. Partly because you didn’t want to give him the satisfaction, partly because you just didn’t know what to say.

For a minute you stood in silence, the both of you just staring at each other.

It was Remus who broke the silence.

‘Why are you avoiding me?’

‘Why did you never tell?’

Remus opened his mouth to answer your question, but he then closed it again.

‘Why, Lupin?’

‘Because I didn’t think you would like it. I mean you’re a Slytherin after all…’

‘So, why does that matter?’ you asked, raising your eyebrow. ‘Remus, I spent the last seven years trying to find my soulmate, hoping that one day they would come up to me and we would have that special moment. This-’ you gesture between you and him ‘-is supposed to be something build on trust and love. You have known for three years and you’ve kept it a secret! Why did you do that? Do you think I’m not good enough for you? Had you wanted your soulmate to be a Gryffindor just like you? Were you scared that everyone would find out your soulmate is just a shitty Slytherin?’

You stared at Remus’ red eyes as you waited for his answer. But he kept his mouth shut. Nothing in his body posture told you he was going to fight for this- for you.

A scoff passed your lips as you stepped past him. Taking Maia with you by hand you and her walked away swiftly. When you figured you were far enough Remus wouldn’t hear, you let the sobs escape your mouth. You cried bitter tears into Maia’s shoulder as she embraced you. Her hands rubbed up and down on your back as she whispered: ‘He’s a dick. You don’t need him, he’ll bring you nothing good. I’m here for you, don’t worry.’

‘But why is he my soulmate? Why didn’t he say anything? Am I truly not good enough?’

You couldn’t help but ask the questions. It was what had been bothering you for so long now. Finding your soulmate was supposed to be something good. It should be like a scene from a film, where there is soft music playing in the background. Two people should meet and their worlds should burst into colours like they have never seen. They would confess their feelings and be together forever.

Why was it not? Why weren’t you hugging Remus’ right now? Why was your world black and white? Where were the colours?

Everything that you had been dreaming of in the past seven years had scattered right in front of you. It lied in broken pieces on the floor, like a picture ripped by trembling hands. All your hope had faded and what was left was a hollow feeling.

-=-=-=-

November passed on like nothing. You decided not to let Remus ruin your last year at Hogwarts. So you had a soulmate, then what? That didn’t mean that you actually had to be with them. You could find someone else. People that didn’t have soulmates found a significant other too.

You concentrated on your work. Your grades went up higher than they had ever done before and multiple teachers had told you that if you were to keep this up, you would graduate as top of your class.

The bond between you and Maia was stronger than ever. She was the one who helped you through it all. She was your shoulder to cry on and the hand to hold when you were scared. She made you laugh and comforted you. You told her everything you were feeling and she was supportive through everything.

‘I like this version of you,’ she said on a Saturday night, when you and her were sitting in the courtyard. ‘I liked you before, but I like you now better. You’re independent and strong. And I think that-’

She stopped mid-sentence and stared at you. You blinked and shook your head softly. She was looking at your eyes, you knew that. For the past weeks you had just ignored them. You hadn’t looked in the mirror since and the page that you had always carried along with you, now lied in the top drawer of your nightstand, under a book.

‘There black again,’ Maia whispered and she took your hand. ‘It doesn’t matter. He’s not your problem anymore.’

You smiled gratefully at your friend and rested your head against the cold wall behind you. Pulling your knees to your chest you wrapped your arms around your legs and stared into the empty courtyard.

A comforting silence filled the night around you. Maia rested her head on your shoulder and after a while you heard her steady breathing, meaning she fell asleep. You closed your eyes for a second and you felt yourself drift off too. You knew that there would be problems if someone found you here, but you didn’t care at the moment. All you wanted to do was disappear from the world for a moment. Even if it was just a second. You wanted to know what if felt like not to have the problems pulling you down to the ground. You wanted to know how it felt to fly.

-=-=-=-

‘Please wake up!’

The sound of a deep voice woke you from your sleep. Your legs hurt from their uncomfortable position and Maia’s head was still on your shoulder.

The sky was lighter than when you had fallen asleep. One side of the heavens was colouring orange as the sun rose on the horizon. The other side was still a dark blue, the last stars trying to shine fiercely in the sky.

The air was humid and your clothes were cold and wet. Your hair was sticking to your face and your fingers were purple from the cold. The bench you were sitting on was covered in little dewdrops.

You looked up to see who had woken you up. Who you were faced with surprised you.

James Potter was standing in front of you. His face was tensed and you could immediately sense there was something wrong. Sadly you could also sense with who.

He wasn’t your biggest friend, to say the least. The rivalry between Slytherin and Gryffindor had led to it that you never really talked to James. It was not that you hated James, but you and him were both too proud and too dedicated to your house to seek each other’s company.

‘What happened, Potter?’ you asked, rubbing the sleep from your eyes.

‘Uhm, Remus got hurt and he’s kinda in a bad shape,’ James stammers.

‘So? What has that got to do with me?’

‘He asked us to get you. The last thing he said before he passed out was that he wanted to talk to you.’

Next to you, Maia slowly woke up and she stared at James. She had heard his last words and turned her head to you.

You doubted what to do. You were worried about Remus, but had the last month not shown you that there was nothing between you? You were scared that if you would talk to him now, all those sad feelings would come back to you.

‘Where is he?’ you asked, straightening your back.

You would go to him. Maybe you wouldn’t even talk to him. No one could force you to. You would take Maia with you, see what is wrong with him and then you would decide what to do.

‘The hospital wing,’ James said and he seemed relieved when you got up and nodded.

Maia followed you and James as he lead you to the infirmary. The sound of your footsteps was the only thing that broke the silence. The stone steps moved under your feet, like it was the world that was moving under your feet and not you over the earth.

For the first time in weeks you pulled out the mirror from your pocket and looked at your eyes. They were dark grey. A combination between fear and focus. It was a colour that, unfortunately, you had seen before. Remus didn’t seem like a dangerous boy at sight, but the past years had learned you that he did more dangerous things that you would think. The amount of times that your eyes had been black or this colour grey was uncountable.

‘How did he get hurt?’ you asked.

James hesitated. He looked at you and then back at the end of the corridor. His eyebrows were furrowed and he nodded.

‘I think it’s better that you know before you see him,’ he mumbled.

You looked over your shoulder at Maia, who was walking behind you. She had her head down, but when you looked at her she looked up. You raised an eyebrow at her and she shrugged. You looked back at James and waited for him to talk.

‘Remus is a werewolf.’

Your jaw dropped and you stared at James with big eyes. Behind you Maia gasped and she put her hand over her mouth.

‘He got bitten when he was a little boy and there was nothing his parents could to. So every month he hides in the Shrieking Shack and transforms there,’ James said.

‘And tonight was a full moon,’ you mumbled. ‘That’s why my eyes were black. That’s why my eyes are always black on a full moon.’

The puzzle pieces fitted together. For years you had wondered what Remus did that he was so scared of. Never had you thought of this. Never had you seen the link between the moon and the fear.

Remus was lying on a small hospital bed. Sirius and Peter were sitting beside him and madam Pomfrey was standing at his feet. All three of them looked up when they heard James, Maia and you enter the room. Sirius stood up and looked suspiciously at Maia.

‘She was there too,’ James mumbled and he pushed Sirius back in his chair.

You stood awkwardly at the end of the bed and you looked at Remus. There was a cut on his cheek and his face was pale. His hair was a mess on the pillow.

Minutes passed and no one said anything. The silence that hung in the air was tensed and it pushed on your chest. With every minute that passed you regretted coming there. What were you supposed to do?

After a while, Remus groaned. He opened his eyes slowly and you saw the purple irises scanning the room, before settling on you. Your heart pounded in your throat as you looked at Remus. All the colours of the rainbow passed in his eyes as he looked back at you. Red turned into blue, blue into grey and grey into purple.

For as long as you stared at each other, the colours would continue to change. You wanted to look away, but the eyes were too intoxicating. There was something about them that just kept you staring. You didn’t even notice that everyone else had left the two of you alone. Not until the door closed and you were pulled out of your trance.

You broke the eye contact. You had to remember what had happened between the two of you. You cleared your throat and spoke softly. ‘Why am I here?’

Remus lifted himself in his bed and rested his back in his pillow. He stared at his hands as he spoke and you looked at his eyes. They were purple again.

‘I’m sorry,’ Remus said with a raspy voice. ‘I’m sorry for not telling you I knew you were my soulmate. I know I should’ve but to be honest, I was scared. You are everything I am not. I was afraid you wouldn’t think I was enough and that you would crush my heart the way I did yours. But you have to understand that it was scary for me. I mean, look at you. How could you ever be with someone like me?’

Sighing you sat down on the side of Remus’ bed and took his hand. He looked up to you and the colour show played in his eyes again. You saw the tears pooling in his eyes and you felt a tear slide down your own cheek.

‘How could you ever not be enough for me?’

‘I’m a monster. I should be locked up. I am a danger to everyone around me. If I hadn’t hurt myself this night, I could have killed someone.’

‘You’re not a monster, Remus. No one thinks you should be locked up. And you didn’t kill anyone. What you put yourself through every month is something that takes so much strength, and you do it. You come out stronger every time.’

The tears were streaming down Remus’ face and you wiped them away delicately. Your hand cupped his cheek and your thumb stroked his skin. Unknowingly you had gotten closer to him.

Everything that had happened in the past months was forgiven as you looked into Remus’ eyes. Maybe this was your film moment. Maybe this was how it was supposed to go. From here you would build your life with Remus, your soulmate. You would grow happily old together. You would help him through his struggles and he would guide you through yours. You would love him with everything you could.

And it would all start with this moment. This delicate moment shared between you and him. The kiss that Remus pressed against your lips and the reaction you gave him. The hand that you held on his cheek and the one on his thigh. The fingers that pressed in your waist.

Your life with him started now.

---------

taglist:

general HP: @kitkatkl @girllety @yuptha-tsme @sleep-i-ness @iamak20 @thefuturelawyer @weasleydream @missmulti @deafgirltingz @moonstarrnghtsky @bloodblossom73 @mytreec

Remus: @racerparker @susceptible-but-siriusexual

marauders: @secretsthathauntus @ronniethelost @sognatrice-as-a-hobby @hxrgreeves @belovedadam @wecouldbreakthedistance @valentina-007

let me know if you want to be added!

MASTERLIST

#remus lupin x reader #remus lupin #remus lupin imagine #marauders x reader #marauders #marauders imagine #harry potter #harry potter x reader #remus lupin x slytherin reader #slytherin reader

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wanna-do-bad-things · 4 years ago

Text

Expecting.

Summary: Tired of dating for nothing, Henry laid everything out for her on that very first date. But when he gets everything he hoped for, there’s one thing left that he really wants.

Word count: 1683

Warnings: trying to get pregnant (no heartbreak tho, it just takes a lil time), fluffy baby daddy Henry

A/N: this was for @henrythickcavill, requested via my patreon.

________

Henry has been on cloud nine ever since she told him she was pregnant. Tired and mentally exhausted trying to find the right person, Henry had all but given up. It’s not that he was actively looking for a girlfriend, or wife in his case, but he did hope that when the right person came along, he’d just know. He’d feel it in his bones. He didn’t think it would happen like it does in the movies, where everything aligns, everything tastes better, music sounds better and he can breathe like he’s never breathed before. But he thought he’d feel something different.

She didn’t breeze into his life. She didn’t make him understand now why everything else hadn’t worked out. But what she did do was make him wonder how the hell he’d managed to feel so complete before when he felt bursting at the seams when he was around her. He’d laid it all on the table on their first date.

“I know this is a little full on, but I’m going to be honest with you. I can’t keep doing meaningless dates. If you’re not looking for something serious, something long term and possibly the end goal, then this date isn’t going to go far. You can leave, I’ll still pay for the bill, but I won’t hold it against you. I understand not everyone will be on the same page.”

Instead of pushing her chair back, grabbing her coat and bag and walking out of the restaurant, she pulled her chair a little closer, poured them both a drink and said, “so what colour theme are we having at the wedding and how many children are we having?”

She took an open interest in what he had to say, she challenged him on a few of his viewpoints just for a good conversation piece. They shared many of the same opinions and differed on a handful but nothing deal breaking or something that neither could get past. Henry understood that not everyone was the same and listening to her speak was amazing. He adored that they were on the same page when it came to values and their life.

As the weeks and months went on, he tried to trip her up. Tried to catch her out and see if she was just spoon feeding him everything he wanted to hear but no, it continued to flow almost perfectly. Henry took her on several vacations per year, she joined him on set, rode him when he needed his stress relieving and helped him with his lines. She was by no means a good actress, but she would try to put her feelings into it, try to give the script some sort of justice and helped Henry when he needed it.

They married three years later, with her joking that Henry would rush her down the aisle just so he could get straight to the baby making part of marriage. But it didn’t happen as quickly as either of them hoped. She came off her birth control and though they’d lose themselves within the sheets (or on the counter tops, table, against the hallway wall, the sofa, his gaming chair…just anywhere which could hold their weight,) as often as possible without wanting to take the fun out of sex and just have it for the sake of having a baby, pregnancy just wasn’t as easy to happen as they’d thought.

A year and half into their marriage, she’d began to draw up schedules, bought thermometers to check her temperature and downloaded several “trying to get pregnant” apps. She tracked her cycles, found the optimum times for having sex and had started to pitch it all to Henry when she realised she was two weeks late.

He’d sat there before her, waiting for her to reach the main part of her big presentation of why looking at their baby making schedule would be most effective when he’d watched the blood drain from her face and her scramble out of the room, roughly slamming the bathroom door closed and lock it before he’d been able to fully understand what had just happened. He’d heard things dropping onto the floor, things being torn open and as he’d stood nervously on the other side of the bathroom door, his hand on the wooden surface, listening carefully for anything which could give him an idea of what had happened, he’d finally heard the little sob that came from her.

“Are you ok?” He’d asked softly, not wanting to refer to her by any pet names, instead addressing her by her name. She hadn’t replied for a moment or two, just the sound of her soft cries filling the room in which he couldn’t access until she’d finally slid the lock open and he found her sitting on the floor, surrounded by torn open pregnancy test boxes and four tests sitting in front of her, letters boasting PREGNANT 4+ WEEKS on each of them.

Henry hadn’t wanted to go too crazy. He’d wanted this for too long and didn’t want to curse anything by purchasing anything too early. He’d gripped her hand, their fingers locked together, tears falling from his eyes as he’d pressed their hands to his lips as his eyes had remained fixated on the screen during her scan, watching as their two babies wriggled around for them. Watching as their tiny limbs stretched out and they flipped themselves around in their little bubble of comfort.

With each passing week, Henry ensured that he took care of any of the big jobs, needing her to take it as easily as possible. She hadn’t wanted to completely give up their workouts, and he’d make sure that he was there to observe each one, with a personalised plan specifically for pregnancy. They scoured the websites for the perfect nursery set up. With the babies genders remaining a secret, pots of neutral paint sits in the room. Dust sheets are down ready to catch any splatters of paint which hadn’t made it onto the walls. Tins of light colours are waiting to be applied and Henry has changed into his “DIY” clothes which are sweatpants and a loose, though still fitted for him, cotton tee shirt.

Most of the walls will be a pale grey to match the carpet, but there’ll be soft mint greens, duck egg blues, pale yellows scattered around the room in forms of cuddle bears, artwork and books that he wants to read to them. Two rocking chairs have been placed, and tested, and he already looks forward to sitting in them while reading to the two of them as they have their feed, much like he’s already done with her sitting beside him, their joined hands pressed to her large bump as he’d read some of his favourite childhood stories to them so that they would already recognise his voice. She’s due in one months’ time, and only now does he feel confident enough to begin to paint and assemble everything he’d bought.

She’d caught him in the middle of their living room two months ago, the boxes emptied out and him checking every screw, every nut, bolt and piece against the assembly instructions to ensure that everything was there, fully prepared with the phone and laptop beside him to make all the forms of contact needed to get the right parts sent out. “I’m not leaving it until last minute to then find out something is missing, or wrong or damaged and it’s too late.”

He’s strolled around the house with the double pram, telling her he needed to break in the wheels. He’s practiced for what felt like hours closing the pram and re-opening it again. Getting it in and out of the large car which he bought for the babies in mind. He’s tested numerous ways of picking up the baby carriers and how to get them in and out of the car with ease. He’s completed a baby first aid course and made sure he’s bought enough things to baby proof the house.

“You have some explaining to do.” She says, waddling into the doorway of the nursery, holding up some of the baby outfits he’s purchased.

“Look at the little cape though.” He grins, putting down the paint roller and tray before he’s even applied the first stroke. He walks over to her, his hand instinctively going to her belly as the other touches the cape of the baby vest which reads “my daddy is superman.”

“And this?” She holds up a mini Chiefs kit.

“I don’t make the rules around here. It’s law that they should match their daddy.”

“But what if they choose to suppo-”

“Ah, ah, ah,” Henry cuts her off with a wag of his finger, “we don’t have none of that negativity around here. Absolutely not.” It takes everything she can muster not to crack another smile and to try and keep her expression as neutral as possible but the stern look upon Henry’s face makes it more difficult to do so.

“You can’t wait for this, can you?” She asks him as she sinks down into her rocking chair and slowly goes back and forth, sighing contently to get the weight from her swelling ankles and sore feet.

“Lumberjack beard, bags under my eyes so big I could do a months shopping in them and endless stories of ‘so yeah, my kid pooped today’ conversations. I can’t wait.”

“No dad bod?” She questions.

“I’m a daddy now, and I’ve got a body.” You sure are daddy, she thinks. If she weren’t suffering from her aching hips, she’d be wanting to climb onto his lap and ride him. He looks far too good right now.

“Yeah you have, now let me see that body of yours get to work….on this room. Not on me.” She says, holding up her finger and lifting a leg up as though that could stop Henry from covering her body with his own, “you’ve done enough.”

“Well, you know what they say… it helps to speed things along…”

#henry cavill one shot #henry cavill fanfiction #henry cavill fanfic #henry cavill imagine

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sageofangst · 4 years ago

Text

the village hidden in your smile.

pairing: itachi x reader

rating: e for everyone

word count: approx. 1.5k

author’s note: i have no words, this is just pure angst. that being said, get ready for the feels. entirely gender neutral apart from one line, but no pronouns are used to refer to the reader. fanfiction is new territory for me still, i got the idea for this yesterday and just had to write this out. i hope someone enjoys it! my askbox is open for comments and criticism.

BREATHING. The sound is small but all the more sacred to you, as the man who lays in slumber before you is all but lucky to be alive. Your eyes graze across his face with a slow pace that matches the flare of his nostrils. Treading from the soft slope of his chin, following the incline to his rosened lips. You make your way up the curve of his nose when you spot something peculiar. A stray eyelash sitting wistfully at the edge of his cheek bone. Some would maybe find the sight endearing, and it is a beautiful one at that, but the ache fills in your heart in undeniable.

Symbolism begins to weave itself in this fraction of a moment. A rogue eyelash, fallen away from it’s home and kept apart from all the rest to live alone. Who is to say just how many lashes have fallen from your lover’s eyes? Do they mock or take the place of the tears that could never have been so freely shed? To mourn over the losses this world and life had given him.

They were the first thing you came to memorize about him——— rivaled among other things, by his hair. Your fingers would run through the strands that felt like silk, with a hope of maybe finding some kind of anchor there. Whether if it was for him or more so yourself, one thing was for certain, it would have been to keep him safe and with you. Yet no matter how hard you tried, you could never manage to match the way Itachi himself would slip through your fingers. He was no ghost to you, much more like a dream, rooted in truth and unconscious longing.

When he was away from you, it was his visage that brought you peace, the one that made you feel safe. Long days were long were combated by the sights that reminded you of him. The book he’d been reading before being assigned a new mission for the Akatsuki, left facedown on the last page he’d read, sitting atop the coffee table, a sign of his impending return. A shop in town that you’d order dango from because after the last attempt, both of you decided to just leave it to the pros. Sometimes you thought you caught a glimpse of him in the corner of your eye, watching over you whenever he could and other times your eyes would wander desperately looking for him in the faces in the street.

When you were lucky, you were right though. You’d get back home, and there on your doorstep would be some little gift waiting for you. It was his way of letting you know he was still alive and thinking of you, even if he couldn’t stay for a while. And after completing his missions, Itachi would be there waiting for the moment you walked in through the door. For that moment when your face would beam at him so brightly, he couldn’t help but smile too, laughing into your hair when you leapt into his arms.

You always thought about how you’d love to live in the lines that appear at the edge of those eyes. Tucked away in the ridges of his skin, a place that could give him a life away from all the heavy weight. It just might have made seeing those crinkles a more often occurrence. “The village hidden in your smile,” was what you told him once cheesily after he questioned you about where you wanted to live. While lying together on the couch, he’d laugh and ask about how it could ever be possible for him to live in his own face…

There’s this saying that has grazed the ears of many in passing, “…if you gaze long enough into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.” Many heed this as a warning, and perhaps rightfully so, but history has forgotten what comes before this, “Whoever fights monsters should see to it that in the process he does not become a monster.” You used to ponder it often, the grey morality of it all. Was the hate that led to a child losing his innocence lesser of a monster than the massacre they made the child commit? Here was a man who condemned himself to bear the titles of traitor to a village, murderer to his brother and monster to the world. In time, history would see to it that Itachi’s sacrifice would as well, come to be forgotten. To you, this was a frightening realization. One you knew you could never admit it to him. Because it was selfish, and the fact of the matter was, many people didn’t know about the reality anyway. Even then, it might not have been enough to break the mirage.

You were too lost in thought to notice him waking up but his soft hum is what breaks through the fog. It pulls you back to a place that you never want to leave. His eyes begin to flutter as he starts to become more fully awake. A feeling starts to creep over you, the same one you get every time your lover opens his eyes. The crisp airiness of sea foam bubbling against your feet. Silently and without cause, those orbs invite the gates and dams within you to flood. Water crashes above you and it’s heartfirst into the abyss for you.

This descent started long ago, your head now well beneath the surface of the water. You decide that if your lover should recuse himself in such a manner, devotion tells you that the only recourse is to dive deeper into that grotto. A trove full of moments where an older brother is doting over his baby brother, a son must take the lives of his parents, and flashes of the two of you keeping each other company. You would stay swimming there for the rest of eternity.

But it’s when the sound of his voice falls on your ears that your head breaches through to the other side. Air fills your lungs and is cool on your skin. It’s not warm or sunny, but at least neither of you are alone. “Are you alright?“ He asks, voice still heavy with signs of weariness. The muscles in your face pull your lips into a small smile while you hum in response. You bring your hand up to caress the side of his face gently, refusing to cast more stones in his pockets. With fondness you bring your fingers up to catch the rogue eyelash. Carefully you bring it up to his perspective, resting it lightly on the pad of your finger. “Make a wish,” you say to him as the moon shines from overhead. Is it trivial? Maybe, but your voice is barely above a whisper and strains against the tension at the back of your throat. He looks from you to your finger, thinking about how you carry such a minuscule piece of him so easily and with such sentiment. There is no doubt in his mind that you could’ve carried a child of his with the same conviction.

Flickers of his past run through his mind like a movie screen. To him you were already a wish that was more than enough, not to mention his plans were going to be actualized someday. He simply had none left——— too selfless to put his own wishes above the one-sided promise he made to his brother. Nevertheless, he indulges your request. "I wish to live with you in the village hidden in your smile,” his gaze locks onto yours. Just like that he knocks the wind out your lungs. He raises a hand up between the two of you, cradling yours gently within his, and blows away the small remnant. It floats away carrying not only his reality but the vacant hope for a dream. Now wish you could have kept it, to serve as the sole guardian of this man's wishes.

Itachi’s eyes were your anchors. They were pools of obsidian, filled deep with an unspeakable weight. He didn’t need to use the Sharingan to show you his memories. In them you could see the reflection of the places he’d been, the people he’d sent to the next plane, a slew of burdens, a brother he loved more than anything, and the harrowing feeling of leaving him behind to all of it. In time, along with all the rest, you’d found yourself in those very same eyes.

He presses a soft kiss to your hand and you smile away the tears that threaten to fall. You close your own eyes and both of you are on a stony beach. The sky is a ray of infinite stars, but he is at your side. Together you walk into that abyss, not as monsters but as lovers.

#itachi x reader #itachi x you #itachi imagine #itachi imagines #naruto scenarios #did i write this while listening to Naruto Saddest Soundtracks Mix on youtube dot com?#did i end up listening to samidare for one whole ass hour?#that's a secret konoha will never know #see u next time xoxo S̶h̶i̶n̶o̶ gossip girl #itachi uchiha #naruto x reader

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tokoyamisstuff · 5 years ago

Text

Four Seasons Pt. 1 out of 4 - Spring

After the pretty vague request of a sweet little Anon:

Pt. 1 - Blooming Love

Summary: Collection of shorts about how you spent a surprisingly normal year at the Stark Tower with the Avengers - except for the fact that you somehow got the God of Mischief to take a liking to you.

Warnings: None. No kinky shit, sorry guys. No Angst either. Just pure Fluff.

Words: 2880

(I think I’ve wrote everything gender neutral but I’m not sure. Maybe I forgot sth, let me know!)

Masterlist to my other Fics right ->Here<-

On a morning ike this, it was hard for you to be asleep for too long.

Rays of sun had already softly woken you up, reminding you that this day would be a special one.

Even though you would’ve loved to sleep late on your day off, your racing heartbeat pumped adrenaline through your veins the very moment your lover’s image shot into your head.

He was the last thing you thought of when you’d close your eyes, and the first thing when a new day began.

Still a bit sleep drunk, you did your usual morning stretches and enjoyed a long shower before you tried to make yourself looking as formidable as possible.

Wandering along the still empty streets of New York, you enjoyed the relaxing silence, while whistling carelessly together with the birds in the trees.

Colours, sounds, even thoughts - that feeling when you were in love, it made everything seem even brighter.

It sounded ridiculous, really - but you had been invited for brunch with the Avengers.

When you arrived at the giant sky scrapper, you’d rummage in your bag to get the ID card Tony handed you and shoved it into the face of the security guard.

“Welcome, Y/N” a robotic voice you recognized to be F.R.I.D.A.Y. greeted you, “But I have to inform that you’re quite early. The other team members are still fast asleep.”

“I’m not a team member” you thought to yourself as you smiled into one of the security cameras, as means to greet it back. The lower floors were completely empty on sundays, being mostly offices and other rooms made for Tony’s employees.

Walking through the pomporous entrance hall, seeing so many monitors and advertisment (of which most of it was Tony’s self-glorification), you could only think about how all of this was way too flashy, too modern for your taste, but well...

That’s just Tony’s taste. His home, his rules. And to a certain extend, you thought, giggling audibly, Loki and him were alike - both full of pride and, if you wanted to be mean, you could say they were little showoffs.

And since last time when you invited them to your flat they almost destroyed everithing during their friendly little strenght battles, you thought it’d be better if from now on you’d become the visitor instead.

“I wonder what Loki’s room looks like” you pondered when the lift was making it’s way upwards to the highest levels.

You walked straight through the giant living room, trying to sneak past the God of Thunder, who seemed to have fallen asleep while watching Netflix and playing Video Games the whole night - again.

Letting out a little sigh, you closed the kitchen door behind you and asked F.R.I.D.A.Y. to play some music as you started to collect the needed kitchen utensils.

Good thing Bucky bought everything you asked of him. Going grocery shopping sounded so easy for every normal human being, yet to Bucky, it was part of his rehabilitation process and you knew it didn’t came easy to him to be in great crowds of people, all by himself.

So you were really relieved that your worries seemed to have been unnecessary.

Actually, Tony wanted to just buy something for breakfast. You’ve never heared of a brunch delivery - even though in your mind it was a damn good idea - but you guessed it was nothing unusual for a man that rich.

He could probably get anything he wanted by just waving his hand - another thing he and Loki had in common, only through different ressources.

But well, it didn’t really feel like work to you. Putting a little effort into telling your newfound friends “Thanks for having me”, was almost as much fun to you as actually spending time with them.

You loved showering those you care about with love and attention, which was probably why you were simply made for that touch-starved, affectionate alien.

Soon, your hum turned into loud singing as you swept across the kitchen counter and prepared all kinds of food. Hours rushed past and still no sign of life from the others, but you didn’t care.

Suddenly, you heared a loud snort coming from the doorframe, startling you to an extend that made you stumble together with a bowl filled with strawberries.

You had already protectively covered your head with your hands - but were confused when you didn’t feel yourself hit the ground.

Looking up, there he was, giving you his usual, smug grin - Loki.

He was holding you tight with his one arm, and even caught the bowl with his other, not even one berrie having hit the ground.

“Oh my” he started, “How clumsy you are.”

The god put the plate on the table and gently helped you get back on your feet, holding your hands thight.

Immediately, you felt your head getting as red as the fruit, finding yourself at loss for words.

He still held your hand, leading one of them to his lips so he could place a tender kiss onto it’s back. “I’m sorry, my love. I didn’t mean to startle you.”

Your shocked features relaxed and you gave him a warm smile as response. “It’s okay, darling.” He secretly loved that nickname - but that’d remain his little secret.

“But why didn’t you wake me up?” While you were already working again, having seen the time, Loki would aimlessly walking besides you. “At least let me help.”

Without you even having time to answer, just a flick of his fingers made the silverware reappear at the table.

“I didn’t know a prince would know how to cook. And also, I didn’t want to bother you that early.” At first he thought you were joking, but it seemed like you really didn’t know much about him.

After all, you’ve only been a couple for a short period of time. It’s only natural that you don’t know such details about life in the palace.

All that was part of his past, and you always said that his future was your privilege.

It was love at first sight, if one believed in that kind of thing.

You were invited to one of Tony’s “reputation-boosting” parties. As a member of one of New York’s greatest newspapers, it was only naturally for you to get invited.

There you were, a fresh reporter, standing in the same room as this surreal troup. Since you mostly worked from home, writing columns and being responsible for a small part of the newspaper’s website, working in the field didn’t come quite naturally to you.

But that shouldn’t ruin your evening.

Everything on you looked stunning, and you knew it.

The wardrobe you chose for tonight, the way you made you hair - it all was perfect for a celebration this formal.

Usually, you didn’t really give a damn about other people’s opinions, and neither you were one to judge someone’s outer appearance.

No, you rather did this for yourself. To boost your confidence, make this special occasion worth remembering.

You were shining, like a shooting star or a freshly polished diamond - and someone else noticed.

Many glances got stuck on you that evening, with one exceptional one glued to you without you noticing .

Until you disappeared to the bar, he basically stared holes into your back. And that man was a mastermind at magic tricks, so even though you were watching him as well, you’d never realize that your eyes met so many times before.

On Asgard, Loki had attended countless of such gatherings. Yet this one was sheer boring - not to talk about the fact that estimately 90% of the people in this hall would either want to see him rotting in jail, or worse.

So he just stood there, nipping on his drink as he stood at the edge of the troup, his brother being at the very center. Everyone was giving interviews or talked to fans, while he patiently waited for this event to be over.

“I’m sorry” a voice directed to him all of a sudden, carefully tapping his back. It was you.

“What?” he retorted, raising an eyebrow. He didn’t mind a magnificent beauty as you approaching him, but it was a mistery why you’d do such a thing.

“Could...umm...would you take a selfie with me? Please?”

His eyes widened in surprise as he saw your pleading eyes, shyly trying to avoid meeting his as you crossed your arms behind your back. “Only if you want to, of course.”

When he took in your appearance, he took notice of the journalist pass around your neck - and it was even more interesting than your unexpected request:

“You areY/N Y/L/N?”

“Y-Yes. Why?” Your cheeks changing to a shade of pink, there was only to hope he didn’t read-

He touched his chin, as if hardly thinking about something. “If I remember correctly, ,you wrote that certain article about the attack of New York, right?”

Damn.

You’ve always been a fan of norse mythology, and had a special weakness for so-called “anti-heroes”, too. They were just way too relatable. So it was only natural for you to write an article about that certain event.

In your earlier works, you’d basically write about how that guy’s misunderstood and philosophize about not only seeing black and white, because there was also a lot of grey zones in the clash of good and evil.

There were also parts where you worked together with psychologists and moral scientists to assess the god and his deeds, coming to the conclusion that even though we might learn something from the incident, the objectives of gods were far too great to understand for us mere mortals. And that was only the beginning...

How f*cking embarassing.

“That’s right” you stuttered, panicking and already trying to leave. “Sorry, I didn’t want to be impolite. I’ll make my leave.”

“Don’t be a fool” he whispered out of the blue, pulling you towards him. “I was quite flattered to have at least a single admirer amongst the human race.”

Planning to give his probably only fan a memory he’d never forget, Loki put his palm on your lower back, kneeling down to your height so you could take the photo. “Shall we?”

It felt like an eternity until your trembling hands would finally get that cellphone out of your pocket, but Loki realized your struggle and took it - his arms were way longer than yours anyway. “May I?” “Yeah, uh- Thank you.”

His appearance almost had a childlike innocence to it when he posed for these photos - a personal gift to you.

Turning your head, your eyes met once again, both faces being mere inches apart. It didn’t seem like he was mocking you, rather enjoying himself right now. You could feel it.

And at that very moment, the two of you simultaneously began to laugh, loudly and heartily before getting lost in each others eyes - and to this day, it would be your favourite photo.

“I think the two of us could have very enlightening conversations, don’t you think?” the sorcerer declared as he watched you swipe through the photos, a satisfied smile playing on your lips. “If you want to go somewhere more interesting, I’d be a honour to guide you to a room with more privacy.”

One nod of you and just like that, in the midst of the festives, the two of you disappeared together, without anyone taking notice.

You had found yourself on top of the stark tower, being able to watch the whole city from the roof. Stars stretched far beyond the horizon, making the lights of the city seem so insignificant.

And on the end of that evening, the Prince of Asgard even managed to steal his first kiss from you - even though only on the cheek.

None of you knew what the two of you just started, or what you should await for the future - but Loki could voice both of your hopes very well:

“I think this is the beginning of something unimaginably fulfilling.”

Lokis words brought you back to the present:

“What’s sleeping worth if the real dream is right here at my side?”

While you were standing at the stove, making some more pancakes, Loki would embrace you from behind, his nose nestling against your neck, making you shiver.

“How cheeky” you mumbled as both of you turned your head so your cheeks could touch.

“You foolish humans just don’t appreciate real romance anymore.” With those words, he’d kiss your temple as he changed his appearance into what resembled a cook. “Now finally, by the gods, let me help you!”

“Yeah, yeah, I see. You’re such a gentleman. And a comedian, too. Maybe you could prepare the scrambled eggs?”

“Your wish is my command, my lady.”

While you watched him eagerly trying to crack the eggs without getting all the shells into the pan, your head shifted back to that first night.

If you looked at him right now, no one would believe you that he’s a literal god, a master of the magical arts and a sharpwittted combatant.

But back then, on that rooftop of the Stark Tower, you knew that no matter what exactly he was, and what secrets e’d still be keeping to himself - you wanted to know anything about this man.

And it was set in stone that you’d fell in love with every facade of him.

A little bit exhausted, you let yourself fall onto the sofa in the living room. Thor has probably gone for his early training, and there was no one else to be seen either - all of them seemed to have been sleeping late.

It was a wonder no one had smelled the food and simply annihilate it even faster than it had been prepared. But when you watched the whole scenery at the kitchen table, you were pretty damn proud of yourself.

“Truly magnificent” Loki commented as he sat down next to you, adding “You must value your companions very much.”

“Maybe I was just trying to impress you, you know.” You rested your head at the most comfortable place possible - Loki’s lap, while he gently stroke your hair. “You’ve done well, little one. But you don’t have to go to such lenghts to impress me. My respect is meant only for you.”

He pressed a gentle kiss onto your temple before leaning onto the backrest, wondering “How about we just disappear? A day for just the two of us?”

“Well...” you pondered as you got up, your hand still resting on his knee “I wanted to go for a walk in the park. Maybe you’re up for a traditional picknick?”

Loki’s face contorted in disapproval, which only caused you to blurt out a laugh and pinch his nose. “What’s wrong now, moaning minnie? Not fancy enough?”

“You call that cheap excuse of nature a place someone wants to be? Oh my, I wish you could’ve seen the royal gardens of Asgard.” You knew he missed his home painfully, even though he used to say that you were his home from now on, and he wouldn’t need anything else. It was hard to adapt to an environment that alien to him.

Suddenly, like he did many times before, he cupped your cheeks with his hands, his fingertips only barely touching your temples, assuming “Or maybe, I can show you...”

You felt his magic flow through you, projecting the most beautiful images directly into your head. It was like you could wander those woods yourself, feel the grass onto your feet and smell flowers you’ve never seen before.

There were no words for the bond that two of you shared at that moment, when he let you into the core of his very self, letting you see his memories through your eyes.

Calmness began to settle in both of you, exhaling deeply before your eyes met once again.

“That was amazing, Loki. You are amazing.”

“I don’t have much to offer, my love. But I’m willing to share everything remotely positive with you, Y/N.”

You could feel the cold he was radiating, his fastened breath on your skin. His hands still on your face, you were even able to feel his heart racing through his veins.

Finally, the glimmer in your eyes hinting consent, he’d slowly move himself closer to you, not letting go of you for one second. His hold got tighter as your lips were just about to meet, when-

“Oh my GOD! Guys, they’re finally at it!” Scott yelled through the whole hallway, and you could hear metaphorically a thousand doors opening in response. He was still wearing his Frozen-Pyjama, holding a mug with Natasha’s forbiddenly strong coffee in his hand.

It was so intriguing to them, how anyone could win the heart of the God of Lies -until he met you, they were doubting he even had one. So in an instant, the whole team of superheroes had surrounded you, as if to watch a romantic movie together and waiting for the final sequence.

“I need a coffee before I’m able to deal with you guys.”

“That makes two of us.”

_____

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vikingsarememes · 5 years ago

Text

Pairings: Ivar x Y/N + Ubbe x Margrethe

Summary: you and Ivar are invited for a dinner at Ubbe’s house who happened to share the happy news, but his wife Margrethe which you both hate makes not wanting her death really hard.

Warnings: idk man

word count: 2098

Ivar hated family gatherings so much, essentially because of his stupid brothers teasing him about his condition, they all try to flirt with you just to annoy him, well, not all, one brother in particular “it’s not too late for us to cancel” he grumbled after he finished dressing up, navy blue hoodie and black pants, you loved it when he wore this outfit, it drew the blue in his eyes.

“Ivar, it’s just a dinner with Ubbe, don’t make a big deal out of it” you replied, wearing the diamond earrings he brought you on your birthday, alongside with a dress that matches his colors but not too fancy, after all, it’s just a dinner “exactly, my family, I hate his wife” he admitted and laid on the bed as he waited for you to finish dressing up.

“I hate her too, but I can’t just decline because I hate her, instead I do what we women call, the cold war, why do you think I’m wearing diamonds” you giggled and looked at him, making a show for him, he bit his lips, and sat up, pulling you on his lap “we can stay here and make out instead you know…” he whispered as he kissed behind your ears, the way you like it.

“Ivar…” you closed your eyes and moaned, you knew the game he’s playing, it was his way to distract you long enough until it’s too late for you two to go anywhere, you wouldn’t fall for this game, not this time, you got up and planted a kiss on his cheek then applied your red lipstick as you heard him huff and whine.

When you were done you handed him his crutch, he took it “fine, I’m going! But I will not be happy about it!” he announced as he limped to the elevator “drama queen” you shouted as you followed him.

The drive was quiet, Ivar wasn’t happy and he didn’t bother to hide it, not that he disliked Ubbe, it was his wife, Margrethe who he wanted dead and gone, she was a bitch, a manipulative bitch as he calls her whenever he’s talking about her, mainly because she literally fucked all of his brothers before settling down with Ubbe.

You parked the car in Ubbe’s driveway and hopped out of the car, picking up the expensive bottle of champagne you bought the other day especially for this dinner, Ivar refused to leave the car, you opened his door for him “we’re already here so we might as well get this over with it” you explained “fuck it, I’m staying in the car! You go if you want” he huffed and closed the door.

You rolled your eyes and opened the door again, unable to believe how childish he was acting, even though you can’t scream it at him “okay, fine, name your price” you tried to reason“my price is for you to leave me alone! I don’t want to go there” he said and closed the door again.

You opened the door and looked at him dead in the eye “Ivar Lothbrok, I swear it to all the gods in this world, if you don’t get your ass out of this car and walk inside with me I’ll stab you in the dick and leave” you warned, getting frustrated, he huffed and grabbed his crutches then hopped out of the car “here! Happy?” he said rather loud, you huffed and locked the doors.

The two of you walked annoyedly to the door, you knocked on it, it only took Ubbe few seconds to open it, he greeted you both with a smile and a hug, Ubbe was one of those people that made you feel way more positive by just looking at them, he invited you in, thanking you for the champagne, and you both walked in, leaving your coats at the hanger and went straight to the living room.

“Margrethe will be here in a second, she’s checking on the ham,” he said, “nah we’re good like this” Ivar murmured under his breath, you nudged him in the arm “so… how’s it going?” you asked with a smile, trying to be as friendly as possible to lighten up the mood “nothing really, busy with work,” Ubbe said then Margrethe stepped “here she is!” Ubbe exclaimed Ivar shot a glare in her direction “glad you made it” she said as she sat next to Ubbe, with a hand on her belly.

You noticed Ivar’s eyes were focused on her belly bump, it was small but not unnoticeable, you had a feeling that she wore a tight dress just to rub it in his face “how are my beautiful girls?” Ubbe asked as he kissed Margrethe’s cheek “we’re fine love” she giggled and then looked at Ivar “soon, you’ll be an uncle, how does it feel?” she beamed evilly “I’m already an uncle” your annoyed husband scoffed.

“What about you Y/N? Don’t you want to be a mother?” she questioned you, even though she was smiling and saying it in such a nice manner, you felt daggers with every word she said “I’m satisfied with my life now, I have a lovely husband, a great job, and awesome friends, that’s all I need” you replied with the falsest smile possible “of course, but that’s not enough, women need to feel motherhood” she affirmed, “love, why don’t you go check on dinner? I’m sure Y/N and Ivar are hungry” Ubbe said to lessen the tension in the room “of course darling” she replied before getting up.

She withdrew to the kitchen and Ubbe sighed “I’m sorry, pregnancy hormones make her act like a bitch sometimes” he said, Ivar rolled his eyes “I bet it’s just the hormones brother” the three of you enjoyed a catch up before you were called for dinner, the table was already set, all you had to do was take your seats, Ubbe helped Margrethe cutting the ham and placing food and drinks in everyone’s plate.

The dinner went smooth, until, well, until Margrethe decided it was time for her to open her mouth again, she held her stomach as if she’s in pain then giggled “oh excuse me, little Ingred is making it difficult for me to enjoy a meal, Y/N, I envy you so much for not knowing how that feels like” she smirked and sipped some water.

“Well, I’m sure she will when she and Ivar decide it’s time to expand their family until then, let us all enjoy the meal no?” Ubbe said carefully, Margrethe nodded “of course love, but from what I know, Ivar is unable to have children, he cannot even please a woman” she rubbed it in his face again, you sighed and took a sip of your drink, then looked at her “and why would you say so Margrethe? It seems like you are an expert of what my husband can and cannot do” this time Ivar poked you in the arm but you ignored him.

“Well, there was this summer a very long time ago, I’d tell you about it but I don’t want to cause a problem,” she said, oh that bitch, she was definitely up for creating a problem “no, please, tell me about it” you demanded, raising an eyebrow, the brothers exchanged uncomfortable looks but couldn’t really stop any of you.

“Well, I was drunk, I was meant to go to Ubbe’s room but I ended up in Ivar’s, and well, I was turned on and single so I said why misuse a good opportunity, you know?” she smirked and leaned closer to the table “no, I don’t know, please I beg you, enlighten me,” you said, tension filling the air “Y/N, please” Ivar begged “no, it’s okay, I want to hear what she has to say, we are exchanging a talk here” you protested without taking your eyes off of her.

“Well, I tried to have sex with him but he couldn’t get his dong up” she snickered “I remember him begging me not to tell his brothers what he couldn’t do, especially Sigurd” she added, you glanced at Ivar whose face was red from embarrassment and anger.

You solely smiled “oh I’m glad you’re concerned about his my husband’s sexual activity but he’s more than capable of getting it up and pleasing a woman, he’s simply not interested in dolls, he’s more into intelligent and sexy, instead of drunk and desperate” he looked at you so aroused, wanting to kiss you right there, right at that moment, you took his hand and he placed a kiss on the back of yours “well, it’s hard not to be turned on when you’re married to a goddess,” he said ever so sweetly, smirking at Margrethe who looked like she just saw a ghost or worst.

“Ubbe, please take our guests to the living room as I prepare the sweet,” she said before storming off her chair, heading to the kitchen, Ubbe sighed and led the way back to the living room, you and Ivar shared a couch, holding hands the whole time, mainly to calm each other down.

Margrethe came shortly after and gave each one a slice of caramel apple pie and a glass of the fancy champagne that you brought with you “you cook wonderfully Margrethe” you complimented, trying to be the bigger person “thank you, I’ve heard stories of your cooking as well, I heard it’s… somehow delicious, if you’re hungry enough” she giggled, even her compliments were getting on your nerves, god you hated this woman.

“I’m a fan of your chocolate pie, I heard so much about it from Hvitserk, have any of you talked to him lately?” Ubbe said, you nodded, Hvitserk was the only brother that Ivar would somehow hang out with, and he liked to stay at your house whenever he can “he’s good, we saw him two days ago when he emptied our fridge, he lost his phone at a bar” Ivar shrugged.

“Y/N, I heard that you are an interior designer no? Well, Ubbe and I were thinking of a color for Ingred’s room, I wanted pink but Ubbe suggested it was old fashion and sexist, what do you think?” she said as she cut a small piece of her slice “I agree with Ubbe, neutral gender colors are the best colors, like green, or perhaps grey, there are plenty of option, it’s funny though, I thought you had enough free time for you to figure this out since you’re a stay at home wife?”

Your intentions weren’t mean, your intentions were to make her feel as bad as she made you and your husband feel, especially since she knew you and Ivar were struggling with having a child of your own, Ivar felt bad enough about it, yet, she kept rubbing her pregnancy at you both, you hated her so much “well, it’s a lot more difficult than you think…” she tried to defend herself.

“Of course” you smiled and looked at your husband who was talking with Ubbe about work matters, “hey, Margrethe, what do you think about my earings?” you asked showing them off “they are pretty, I almost couldn’t tell they were fake” she smiled, you giggled “fake? No silly! Those are real diamonds! Ivar bought them for me, for my birthday! He’s such a blessing! Spoiling me whenever he can” you grinned, Ivar turned his head when he heard his name “huh?” you kissed his lips softly, making him grin immediately “nothing love, I was just telling Margrethe how much of an amazing man you are” you replied “I have the most amazing woman that makes my work easy” he answered, both of you started giggling and kissing.

It only made Margrethe’s blood boil, she tried to do the same with Ubbe but he wasn’t in the mood for her games, after the dessert, you and your husband excused yourselves back home, all of this was tiring, you mocked everything that had happened that evening the whole way back while humming to the radio, glad the day was over, you both agreed to make up an excuse next time Ubbe invites you for dinner.

You got ready for bed and laid down next to Ivar who was already under the sheets, he took you between his arms and bit his lips “you know… you were so sexy today while making that whore jealous and pissed” he whispered as he kissed your bare shoulder, you smirked.

tags: @youbloodymadgenius

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kyoujurous-eyebrows · 5 years ago

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You Deserve to be Loved

Minor Tokito Muichiro x Trans Male!Reader

A Coming Out Story

Dedicated to @dolphingodd who’s going through a rough time right now. I got your back and I support you so keep your chin up! 💕

It also goes out to any of my transgender buddies, I see you, you’re awesome.

TW: Mention of Dead Name (mentioned twice)

Key: (D/N) dead name

Words: 2.5k

Edit 12.4.19: Fixed some inconsistencies and weird sentences.

Muichiro watched your back with his usual blank expression, however his mind was dwelling on rather sad thoughts. You had been fairly distant not just with him, but with everyone around you recently; and he knew it wasn’t on purpose. He could only assume something had happened at home to cause you to be so depressed like this, and he didn’t like it. The bell rang for class to end and you quickly retreated from the classroom before anyone could talk to you. Muichiro tried to reach out to you, but he didn’t make it in time.

“I wonder what’s wrong with (Y/N)? He seems awfully distant recently.” Tanjiro commented, coming to stand next to Muichiro. He nodded his head in agreement with his friend, a small bit of worry creeping onto his neutral expression. “I bet if we asked Eru we might be able to find out what is going on. They are siblings after all!” Tanjiro encouraged, wanting to help his two friends. Muichiro nodded once again and began to walk to the seniors’ classrooms, Tanjiro tagging along.

Reaching the third floor, the hallways were abuzz with life during the long lunch break. They quickly found Eru’s classroom and peaked inside, hoping to see them. A short person of about 5’2” with short cut brown hair and grey-green eyes was chatting with a few people while eating their homemade lunch. Muichiro approached quickly, not really caring about the stares he got from the other seniors in the room.

“Eru can I ask you a few questions?” He stated bluntly. Eru turned his way and flashed him a smile.

“Of course! Sorry guys, I’ll be back soon.” Eru stood up and followed their two underclassmen to a more deserted area of the hallway. “I’m guessing this is about (Y/N)?” Eru got straight to the point, looking slightly up at the two boys. Both nodded their heads in affirmation. “I thought that might be the case. He’s pulling himself away from others again, isn’t he? I’ve tried talking things over with him, but he doesn’t seem to be soaking it in fully…”

“Did something happen at home?” Muichiro asked the question that had been plaguing him all day. Eru looked down for a moment, seemingly in thought.

“Yes… but I’m not sure if it’s my place to tell you… but since it’s you I’m sure it’ll be fine. He can hit me later for it. A while ago he came out to his mother as transgender, and she basically rejected him. Well recently he’s been dwelling on it a lot because it is hurting him even worse now. I’ve offered a few options to help him, but he’s still thinking over it and waiting until he’s comfortable enough. Maybe if I got your help Mui, he might feel more open? He seems to enjoy hanging around you a lot.” The two boys took in the information in silence before Tanjiro spoke up.

“I have to get back to Nezuko now, but it seems like you two have this handled. Just let me know if there’s anything I can do to help!” Tanjiro waved goodbye with that sunshine smile on his face before disappearing around the corner.

“Do you know where (Y/N) is right now?” Eru asked, a solemn look on their face. Muichiro shook his head.

“He disappeared as soon as the lunch bell rang.”

“He’s probably hiding outside somewhere. Want to help me look for him?” The smallest of smiles crossed Muichiro’s face as he nodded. The pair took off down the stairs and exited into the courtyard, a cold wind biting against their skin. “Jeez, he hates the cold, I hope he’s not out here and is safely inside somewhere.” Eru commented, rubbing their hands up and down their arms. About ten minutes of searching passed, calling out your name before they finally found you. You were in a small courtyard, hiding behind some bushes to shield yourself from the wind.

“(Y/N)! There you are, Mui and I were worried sick about you. Come inside let’s get you warmed up.” Muichiro extended his hand down to you, which you took in your freezing cold one. Your whole body was shivering, and you looked on the brink of tears. “Hey buddy, let’s go to Rengoku-sensei’s classroom and warm up okay? He has a small mini office that we can sit in for privacy.” Without any further words, you were dragged away by your older sibling, and your best friend/major crush. You remembered this crush started the first time you saw him genuinely smile, and your heart warmed at the idea of you being the reason he smiled like that.

Rengoku was kind enough to allow the freezing cold trio to sit in his conference office, and you sat in silence for a few moments before Muichiro spoke up.

“How come you’ve been distancing yourself lately? I heard part of it from Eru, but I want to hear your reasoning for it as well.” You got choked up. You felt that what you were feeling was stupid, but despite that you wanted to let it all out. However, you also didn’t want to be a burden on others. You laid your head on the table, forcing yourself to not cry in front of your two friends.

“(Y/N) it’s okay to talk. You know you’re in a safe space with us. Do you want me to take a crack at it so it’s easier for you to get started?” You sat completely still for a moment, weighing your options, before you decided you were too tired to continue fighting and you slowly nodded your head, never lifting it from the desk.

“Is it about your mother and your gender identity?” Of course they would know exactly what you were feeling down over. You had confided in them before after all. You nodded.

“Do you feel like you’re suffocating, and you want to try telling her again just to try and make the pain go away?”

A nod.

“But you’re too scared to, right?”

Another nod.

“What if I come over and help?” Muichiro jumped in, resting his head on the desk as well to try and look at your face. “I’ll make sure she can’t say anything bad about you.”

“Yeah! And I’ll fight tooth and nail if I must! She’ll never see my fist coming!” Muichiro raised an eyebrow at Eru’s violent comment, but knew they were just overly aggressive and ignored it. You finally raised your head to look at your friends, a soft smile of encouragement resting on Eru’s, while Muichiro’s eyes were full of worry.

“W-Will you give me a few days to think about it?” You asked, voice slightly hoarse from holding back your tears, and not talking for the past couple of hours.

“Of course you can!”

“Just come to us and tell us when you’re ready or not.”

---

Most of the week passed, and now the weekend was upon you. The students all exited the building, talking about their exciting plans for the weekend. It was one of the weekend’s that Eru would be coming over to your place, and you had spent all week gathering up the courage and overthinking every possible scenario. It felt a little better knowing you had your sibling and your best friend behind your back. Swallowing thickly, you walked up to Muichiro after class had ended and pulled him aside.

“I-I thought it over, and I think I want to tell her today and just get it over with. Can you walk home with me…?” Muichiro nodded and gave you a small smile before grabbing your hand and walking you up to the third floor to find Eru. The person in question was still packing their bag by the time the two of you got to their classroom.

“You really are slow.” Muichiro commented.

“Thanks for pointing out the obvious. Ah, (Y/N)! Did you decide?” You nodded your head.

“Can we do it after dinner? I still need to mentally prepare…”

“Of course! Will you be staying for dinner then Mui? I’ll need to text dad.”

“Yes, if that’s alright.” Eru nodded vigorously as they pulled out their phone and quickly sent a text.

“Done! Let’s get going now!” Eru bounced off giggling, leaving the two lovebirds to walk their slow pace. They hope that every day one of them will get the courage to confess to the other, but they also know that won’t happen without a good push because one can’t read the atmosphere, and the other overthinks everything.

The walk home consisted of mostly Eru talking the other two’s ears off as they tried to fill the silence by themselves. You would chime in once in a while, feeling bad that they were trying so hard to cheer you up, and Muichiro mostly just listened. The day leading up to dinner involved playing with your dogs, Eru cooing over their cat and calling it their princess, and Muichiro kicking both of your asses at every game you played. Dinner was a little tense as it always is with you and your mother in the same room, and you were starting to break out into a cold sweat from how nervous you were. The moment of truth was coming up and you were starting to think you wanted to back out; the fear of a second rejection plaguing your mind.

A hand rested itself upon your shoulder and patted gently. Muichiro was looking at you with a slightly sad expression and that deep worry in his eyes again. You gave him a weak smile and continued to pick at your food.

“(Y/N) you need to eat a little at least. You’re going to make yourself sick on an empty stomach.” Eru slightly encouraged from the seat across from you. The parents had left the table at this point, leaving you three alone. You wanted to, but nothing seemed appetising to you lately and you didn’t want to gag yourself trying to eat it. An idea suddenly popped itself into Muichiro’s head as he took the fork from your hand. He stabbed one of the pieces of food on your plate and held it up to you.

“Ah.” He said, opening his mouth trying to get you to as well. Heat rushed to your face as Eru giggled at the scene from across the table. Muichiro slowly brought it closer to you until you caved underneath his strong gaze. You hesitantly opened your mouth and he put the food in. You made a look at first but chewed nonetheless as Muichiro continued to watch. Strange. It didn’t taste so bad anymore.

---

The time had finally come. Eru had just asked both your mother and your stepfather to gather in the living room so you could talk. You were bouncing nervously, picking at your fingers, and sweating bullets. Muichiro placed his hands on top of yours.

“It’s going to be okay. Eru and I are here for you. Just remember you have to be the one to say it, and we’ll be here to catch you if you fall.” He smiled warmly at you and your cheeks heated up at the sight. You took a deep breath and tried to calm yourself as Eru returned with the parents. You and Muichiro sat on one couch, the parents on the other and Eru stayed standing.

“Okay, Saaka, Dad, (D/N) here has something they would like to tell you. Please have an open mind and heart and listen to them.” Muichiro noticed the switch to ambiguous pronouns and your old name, realising Eru wanted you to be the one to say it first. You swallowed a giant lump in your throat and opened your mouth to speak before shutting it again. It felt like you were going to have a melt down right then and there, and you probably would have if you didn’t have your two biggest supporters with you. You took another deep breath and exhaled shakily before opening your mouth to speak again.

“Mom, Ken, I-I don’t want to be your… daughter anymore.” You swallowed thickly around your words. “I want- I want to be your son instead. I’m tired of feeling pain whenever we’re in the same room together because you refuse to acknowledge and understand me.” Your voice grew really quiet as you spit out the dark feelings that had been crushing you for a while.

“(D/N) we talked about this before. I have acknowledged it. And I’ve told you that it doesn’t make you any less of my daughter-” You had a feeling these words were coming and you started to shut yourself off, but Eru was quick to cut her off, a look of mild anger replacing their normal happy expression.

“Calling him your daughter is not acknowledging it at all! You say you understand, but if you really did then you would accept that he doesn’t feel right, you would change your pronouns for him, and you would call him by the name he wishes to be called!” The outburst caused a silence to fall over the group. Muichiro was rubbing circles into your back trying to help you calm down.

“And what name would you liked to be called by?” Ken spoke up, trying to break the thick tension in the air. Eru knew their father wouldn’t have as hard a time coming to terms with it as Saaka is, and they were grateful for that.

“(Y/N)…” You said barely above a whisper. Silence fell again as everyone sat in their own thoughts. You glanced up in time to see your mother and stepfather sharing a glance before looking back at you. Something about Eru’s outburst must have gotten through to your mother because her next words made your eyes and throat burn with tears.

“(D- Y/N).” Your throat seized up as your mother said your name for the first time. “You’re right, I seem to not be understanding it. And I’m sorry. Thank you for taking the time to talk with me about it again. And thank you two for helping… him out. I don’t want you to feel so uncomfortable around me anymore, so I’m going to try my best.” Tears pricked at the corners of your eyes. Eru smiled again after seeing Saaka make an effort to change how she speaks about you.

“It will take us some time to get used to it,” Ken chimed back in, “but I promise we’re going to try.” Muichiro pulled you into a hug, his smile only visible to himself. He was beyond happy for you. He lightly petted your hair as you began to cry into his shoulder. Eru watched you two have your moment, a smile ever-present on their face.

And honestly? That’s all you needed to hear right now. They were listening, they were willing, and they were going to try.

===

I hope this helped even a little! 🥰

And to all of the people in the LGBTQ+ community; I hear you, I see you, and I love you. You are perfect just the way you are no matter what anyone else says. Stay strong and know that I am proud of you 💗

PS: Obviously this scenario doesn’t depict the only situation of what might happen in a coming out. This is highly ideal, but despite that I hope it can happen to each and every one of you whether it’s about your gender identity or your sexuality. You deserve every bit of happiness.

#kny #Kimetsu no Yaiba #demon slayer #kny scenarios #tokito muichiro x reader #transgender #trans male #gift #supportive older sibling #agender sibling #i love you bro #you make my day #tw deadnaming #but only twice and once was for a reason

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hurtfm · 4 years ago

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〔 SOFIA CARSON, 23, CIS FEMALE, CURSE CREATION 〕 ╰ LUCRECIA ’ LULU ’ MARQUEZ just came over half - blood hill . you know , the child of NEMESIS who was claimed three months ago ? i’ve heard chiron say that she is RELIABLE & SCHOLARLY , but if you ask the aphrodite kids , they’d say they’re NARCISSISTIC & TREACHEROUS . i’d say they remind me of perfectly manicured nails , clicking of high heels on tile , and patron filled shot glasses , especially since they’re NEUTRAL TO THE NEW CABINS .

hello beans ! i’m weachy & this right here is lulu marquez . she is also a brand spankin’ new muse & i’m so excited to figure her out as time goes on ! however , what i do know about her is under the cut . trigger warning for excessive rambling as i truthfully don’t know when to shut up –– like right now ! anyways , as always , if you would like to plot with her , go ahead and press that little heart to the side & i’ll snake into your ims ! i’m so excited to be here and join all of you !

full name : lucrecia ‘ lulu ‘ rosalía marquez . date of birth : april 29th , 1997 ( making her a taurus ) gender : cis female pronouns : she / her sexual orientation : bisexual / biromantic goldy parent : nemesis ( goddess of balance , retribution , vengeance ) family : matías marquez ( father ) , isobel marquez ( step mother ) , andrés , sebastían , samuel , & gabriela marquez ( half brothers and sisters ) playlist : beautiful , dirty , rich ( lady gaga ) , do or die ( tony velour ) , affluenza ( conan grey ) , play date ( melanie martinez ) , cry for help ( macy kate ) , good thing ( zedd & kehlani ) , all of the lights ( kanye west ) , would i ( maggie lindemann ) , & hotter than hell ( dua lipa ) influences : blair waldorf ( gossip girl ) , carla roson ( elite ) , jackie burkhart ( that 70s show ) , guzman osuna ( elite ) , madeline mackenzie ( little big lies ) , & alex russo ( wizards of waverly place ) tropes : femme fatale & corrrupter pinterest : linked here !

01 . past .

the marquez’s have resided in san diego for generations . lulu’s grandfather came over from medellin , colombia with his wife and four sons . the eldest of those being a twelve year old boy by the name of matías . at the ripe age of eighteen , matías’ father had created the largest and most profitable oil company on the west coast –– marquez petró , inc . all four sons followed in their father’s footsteps and although the work was never easy , the profits were extraordinary . when matías was twenty - four , he met a lovely young lady and a year after that came lulu . two years later , he married the love of his life , isobel .

however , by the time the two of them had kids , the business didn’t seem like hard work anymore . after matías took over the company when his father retired , he was making more money in one phone call than his father had in a month . because of this , his family had seen more of him than he ever had of his own father . isobel and matías had four beautiful children together : andrés , sebastían , samuel , and gabriela . their father had always told the five of them stories of him going weeks without seeing his father –– hearing a door creek at 1am noting his father coming home and again at 6am noting his father heading to work –– almost daily . he’d tell stories of the times when he was old enough for manual labor , he’d go out onto the sites himself . however , the five of them never dared touch a tool or step foot onto a site . dirty nails and greasy hands and soaked shirts ? something they’d never experience .

that’s how the five of them grew up . learning of the struggles of creating such a business yet not living them themselves . this caused entitlement and pride to sneak in the way of their every day conversations . their parents had tried to keep them grounded , to remind them the sacrifices and work their family had put into this business . however , the multiple houses , memberships , and trust funds they were each rewarded at certain birthdays put any of that effort to ground them to shame .

however , the stories her father wouldn’t tell were about her mother . lucrecia had always known that isobel wasn’t her mother , but until she was thirteen years old , she’d never really known the truth . however , her father had kept the truth from her to protect her as well as to make sure that she was old enough to comprehend all of this information . it was there she learned her mother was a greek god , and instead of attending a regular high school , she would be attending camp half blood . her father wouldn’t tell her who –– she was sure it was his lack of knowledge exactly because he’d been open with her about everything else .

02 . present .

when she started attending camp half blood , she was a resident of the hermes cabin . ironically , she was thankful . despite the fact that there was so many residents , it made her feel more at home . she’d grown up in a big family , despite the fact that they weren’t crowded . however , as time went on , she whole heartedly wanted out . not necessarily because she hated where she was living –– but because she hated the fact that it wasn’t confirmed who her mother was .

she’d grown up with the greatest father possibly in existence & the fact that her mother wasn’t even keen enough to claim her daughter made that so much worse . it started getting worse and worse when she started putting the pieces together . her powers , the one’s she exceeded at , all pointed to nemesis . more ironically , when the law was passed and she was finally claimed as such , it couldn’t have been more fitting that a daughter of nemesis was the one who was so against the new cabins –– against going unclaimed for so long . the anger , the vengence , were all things lulu experienced –– practically first hand . although she’d never been extremely close to lyssa , she understood . even now , knowing the girl was her sister , it only fueled that anger in her , of going unclaimed .

03 . personality .

personally , her mortal life is the life she lives . she has kept her rich kid , better than you because i’ve never had to lift a finger personality in camp since she was thirteen years old . she is better than you and truthfully believes it . not that she expects the ground she walks on to be kissed by everyone in existence , but if it happens –– she wouldn’t fight it .

unless you have her respect , she pretends you don’t exist . she is not one of those regina george types to put you down to your face . if she has a problem with you , she’ll only put you down behind your back . however , if confronted , she won’t deny it . a lot of her first interactions have the phrase ‘ i’m sorry , who are you ? ‘ attached to them . she’s not bad with names or faces in the slightest , it’s just another reminder that remembering you is not a priority of hers . however , if she deems you useful , she’ll put on her gifted smile and practiced charm for the greater good . the side of her that’s real isn’t known to much of anyone .

she excels in particular aspects of camp , and is ruthless when it comes to those . apologizing is not on the forefront of her mind and making new friends is not a priority . basically , when she turned twenty one , becoming the best at what she loved was her priority , and making friendships or having fun were only side quests .

04 . instances of her powers in every day life .

looking back on it and knowing the truth , lulu can’t picture how she didn’t put it together :

decision making ––– in the silliest way possible , she has always been the best at decision making . any tough decisions that need to be made , she can do them with no emotion attached and put the plan to action . almost as if when it comes down to tough choices , she becomes a brick logic wall . vengeance sensitivity ––– this was really useful growing up in a house with four younger siblings . any tricks they tried to play on her or lies they tried to sneak past her were quickly debunked . any im sorrys that weren’t truthful were denied . it made her seem cold to them , when in reality she was just waiting for a better and more sincere emotion from them . best ally ––– if you are fighting , you want lulu on your side . although this is attributed to her mother , nemesis , she likes to claim this comes from her father . the marquez family has always been extremely loyal in their businesses as well as in their family alone . because family is everything to them , they will always stand by each others side . however , for lulu , it runs so much deeper . any sense of betrayal is almost like a physical injury to her . it hurts her soul and spirit to the point of actual pain . loyalty is a two way street but you’ll never catch her drifting off road . curse creation ––– she didn’t know this existed until she started attending camp half blood . however , as soon as she realized she possessed this gift , it was pretty clear who her mother was . it was the biggest give away for her . it took her almost years to master & now she has it down pat . she mainly uses it on quests , but she’d be lying if she ever said that she’d never used it for selfish reasons .

05 . wanted connections .

because she’s been at camp since she was thirteen and wasn’t claimed until she was almost twenty - three , anyone who has lived in the hermes cabin for the past ten years she would have lived with . i would love some people in that cabin that she would have gotten along with and maybe some that she didn’t . out of the cabin , i’d love if she had an ex or two ? maybe one that ended on bad terms & one where they ended up just friends ? friend wise , i’ve pictured her having a few select good friends and a majority of everyone else just puts up with her ? i also would love 1 / 2 people she’s gone on quests with before that have maybe gotten to know a little more about her that has nothing to do with her hard exterior . lastly , any other friends with benefits or enemies would be great too !

#me ? not knowing how to talk to people ? ya .#ambrosia:intro

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zombiequincy · 5 years ago

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THE BIG BLEACH HC MEME centering around politics, repost & fill out! For anyone who wanted to explore those aspects more, considering it played a big role in the story. Some things may be unknown to your Muse, just think in WHAT IF then & well, have fun and take your time!

BASICS

Name: Giselle Gewelle / / / Age: 22 / / / Gender: female Race: Shinigami / Quincy / Hollow / Fullbringer / Visored / Human / Other Currently lives: Soul Society / Hueco Mundo / Silbern / Living World / Hell Exact Location: wouldn’t you like to know weather boy. Group(s): Sternritter

QUESTIONS

- Would your muse consider themselves more: GOOD / BAD / NEUTRAL ? - Would your muse consider their group more: GOOD / BAD / NEUTRAL ? - How does your muse think others see them: GOOD / EVIL / NEUTRAL ? - How does your muse think others see their race: GOOD / EVIL / NEUTRAL ? - How does your muse think others see their group: GOOD / EVIL / NEUTRAL ?

- Is your muse considered a threat: YES / NO ? From whom?: Soul Society and anyone with a working braincell. - Is your muse powerful: YES / NO ? Could they be considered OP: YES / NO ? - Did your muse commit any crimes: YES / NO ? - Does your muse think they are doing mostly the right thing: YES / NO ? - Would society think the same: YES / NO / MIXED OPINIONS ?

- Does your muse think they are treated unfairly: YES / NO ? - Does your muse feel understood from others: YES / NO ? - Is it important for them what others think of them as a person: YES / NO ? - Would they welcome death: YES / NO ? - Will they ever find peace: YES / NO ?

01.0. Do they fully stand behind the group they are part of? YES / NO. Why is that? Explain: The Quincy’s express a very grey area for Giselle, on the one hand they gave her her powers which she loves and adores greatly and uses to the extent where she can’t imagine life without such abilities, but they also remind her of past, which was painful and isolated and which she tried to separate from her adult self as much as she possibly could. As far as their goals of world domination and elimination of the Soul Reapers as revenge for the war which happened many years ago, Giselle does not care. She’s here for a good time. Not a convoluted revenge fantasy sorta time!

02.0. Do they like as things are in Soul Society? YES / NO. 02.1. Is there anything they would change? Explain here: It’s old and crusty and out of touch with reality. Even in her brief stint spent there, Giselle thought it was dull and very behind the times. Needs more flavour! More spice!

03.0. Would they ever actively try to bring change (in general)? YES / NO. 03.1. Is your muse more: passive / active ? Introverted / Extroverted ? 03.2. Does your muse care more about: others / themselves ? 03.3. Do they trouble their mind over a lot of problems, others? YES / NO. 03.4. Do they mostly involve: the world / everyone / themselves / comrades / friends / family / elderly / kids / teenagers / home / workplace / strangers / souls / humans / quincy / shinigami / nobles / fullbringer / visored / hollows / espada / arrancar / (former) boss(es) / pets / animals / zanpakuto spirit / enemies / partner / lovers / soul king / god / other…(add more) 03.5. Name (up to) three which are the most on their mind (optional, adding names): - girls - homicide - what to eat for lunch

04.0. Do they think frequently about politics? YES / NO / SOMETIMES. Why is that? Explain: Giselle is too young to really care or understand the deeper ramifications and political systems at play within the Quincy hierarchy. She knows there’s an inner circle of Sternritter’s closer to Yhwach, but it rarely effects her so she just ignores it. She grew up privileged and she knows that gives her the luxury to avoid thinking more deeply on certain issues. Being Echt she knows she’s technically above other Quincy’s but doesn’t really get why or what purpose that gives anything she does.

05.0. How do they feel in their current location: POSITIVE / NEGATIVE / NEUTRAL ? 05.1. Why is that?: Without the Sternritters or Quincy’s, Giselle has lost any real sense of purpose. Going back to her old life would almost certainly guarantee her capture by humans or Soul Reapers so she’s trying to find meaning or a goal that doesn’t revolve around the suffering of others and her own enjoyment of said suffering and its hard. At least she’s free.

06.0. Does your muse have any goal: YES / NO ? BIG / SMALL ? 06.1. Does it involve anything world-changing: YES / NO ? 06.2. If goal or not, any future plans? Share here: Get a mortician licence.

07.0. Does your muse know about the Original Sin of Soul Society*: YES / NO ? * curious? Read about it here. 07.1. If they knew, would it change their views on Soul Society: YES / NO ? 07.2. More: POSITIVE / NEGATIVE / NEUTRAL ?

08.0. Who is the worst person in their eyes?: Yumichika. 08.1. What should happen to them? Execution (quick / slow death) / Imprisonment / Stripped of their powers / Torture / Repay for their sins / Pay a Fine / Social Work / lose their loved ones / Exile / other… (add more). 08.2. Explanation: There are a good number of other characters who handed Giselle’s ass to her on a platter (Ichigo & Mayuri in particular), but that’s all part and parcel for a war. Even Yhwach who betrayed her and tried to kill her in the end still did her some good by giving her her powers. Above all, they still respected her most basic rights and identity. Yumichika she hates more deeply because he went low when it wasn’t warranted.

09.0. Thoughts on: Quincy Massacre if they knew: POSITIVE / NEGATIVE / NEUTRAL ? 09.1. Would they be alright with such thing happening again: YES / NO ? 09.2. Would they try to prevent it: YES / NO / DEPENDS ? 09.3. Explanation: The original Massacre happened too long ago for her to remember so she’s just kinda ‘Meh, sucks to suck!’ about it. Were there another attempt on a Quincy Massacre now, it would be a whole other thing because there aren’t very many Quincy’s left really to exterminate so of course she would try to prevent another all out extermination on her end because it would put her life at risk.

10.0. Would they ever switch sides: YES / NO ? 10.1. If yes, What could bring them to do so?: A personal betrayal. 10.2. Would they create a new one: YES / NO ? or join a current one? If so, which: She had to join the Soul Reapers, however briefly, to get into the Soul King’s palace to kill get up to Yhwach.

11.0. Does your muse follow a certain moral code*?: YES / NO / GRAY AREA ? * (ethics) A written, formal, and consistent set of rules prescribing righteous behavior, accepted by a person or by a group of people. 11.1. What does it involve?: No transphobia. 11.2. What does it NOT involve?: Giselle is literally not above killing anything or anyone or making them do anything as her zombie. She is as depraved and cruel as you can imagine, if it brings her pleasure, she’ll do it.

YOUR MUSE’S VIEWS / OPINIONS ON THESE GROUPS ?

Central 46: positive / negative / neutral. ━ because: she doesn’t engage with them enough to really know what they do or if they’re fucked up on any deeper level.

Four Great Noble Clans: positive / negative / neutral. ━ because: same deal, she doesn’t interact with them enough to know what their problem is.

Royal Guards / Gotei 13: positive / negative / neutral . ━ because: ghost cops deserve to die! Even if they teamed up in the end, they still took two of her friends hostage and used them in experimentation. That’s fucked up. If she see’s a soul reaper, it’s on sight.

Fullbringer: positive / negative / neutral. ━ because: Funky little humans with some flavour of hollow. Not expressly evil or aligned with soul reapers so she can vibe with them.

Visored: positive / negative / neutral. ━ because: Same ghost cop, different hollow flavour. They make good zombies though.

Espada: positive / negative / neutral. ━ because: All Quincy’s have a sort of guttural negative reaction to hollows to try and reject them. Giselle is no different.

Quincy: positive / negative / neutral. ━ because: That’s her clique!

YOUR MUSE’S VIEWS / OPINIONS ON THESE (IMPORTANT) PEOPLE ?

Aizen: positive / negative / neutral. ━ because: Dude who sat tied to a chair...ominously. Would make for a poor zombie.

Yhwach: positive / negative / neutral. ━ because: He tried to kill her twice. Bad vibes.

Mayuri: positive / negative / neutral. ━ because: Too shiny and too annoying and too much of a book smarts and also stole all her sick zombies using science. Also experimented on two people she cares about so, die!

Kurosaki: positive / negative / neutral. ━ because: Threw her through a building and broke her neck.

Soul King: positive / negative / neutral. ━ because: Big man in the sky that Yhwach tried to kill. Don’t know who he is or what he did, but eh. Maybe he had it coming.

CONGRATS, you managed till to the end, now tag your fellow bleach partners!

TAGGED BY: @skyvar cheers for creating this !! its awesome!! TAGGING: i tag @diepower @oorigamii @oscuras @fleshpurifies and whoever else would like to do it

#OOC: idle chatter #// i crawled out of my assignment hellhole just do to this because it looked so cool SADLJKDAS #// now its time to go crawling back into my cave

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amberandmetal · 6 years ago

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How to thaw when the ice is in your bones

Request filled: Anonymous said: 2 & 7 with Bucky? Some nighttime cuddling perhaps? :3 “Stay here tonigth?” & “I’ll keep you warm” Square filled: Cuddling for @marvelfluffbingo Pairing: Bucky x Reader Warnings: Smut but not very graphically detailed, angst (mission gone bad and the flashbacks that come with), uhm.. might be some bad language as is standard when I write. I think that is all. If not: let me know. Rating: M Word count: ca 1,5 k Summary: During a mission things goes awry and now you can’t seem to get warm. Bucky, being the sweet thing he is, offers a solution. A/N: I’m actually quite happy with how this turned out, and suprise surprise again it seems like I have written a gender neutral reader. It seems to be my default mode nowadays? So this fic can be read by any gender! Whoop! Also I am not a native speaker, english is my second language and this is unbeta’d so all mistakes are my own!

~~~

The blankets you’d wrapped around your body until you were practically cocooned in them did nothing to counteract the cold in your skin: it had gotten into your bones. You couldn’t hear the TV over the chattering of your teeth or the febrile thu-thump thu-thump behind your ribcage.

It had been a close call, not that it mattered; you’d had plenty of those, all of you had. But you’d never felt so helpless before.

The woman, the agent that had gone under right through the ice, you didn’t even know her name. She’d been there one second, gone the next and you hadn’t been able to think, hadn’t been aware of making the decision until you were down there with her, the cold sharp as shards, using your enhanced speed to get to her before the currents took her with them.. She had been breathing when you left but that was also all you knew.

“Y/n?”

Your head snapped around so fast you almost fell off the couch, limbs tangled in a dozen or so blankets of various materials and sizes.

The others were all asleep, the wear after a mission hitting them all hard; except for Steve and Thor who were probably in the gym working out some lingering adrenaline.

Left awake in the common room were you, and Bucky.

“What?”

“You okay?”

You tried for an easy smile, puzzling together some sort of elaborate lie to tell him so he wouldn’t worry. You’d done this before, you could do it again. It was better this way. There was already enough burden on everyone's shoulders, you didn't want to add to that. You could do this. Just get the words out. That's all. Just settle for a I am fine. Just, get the words out.

His silver grey eyes looked tired but open with worry and you just deflated- too fucking tired. Too tired to come up with a plausible lie, too tired to act like you were fine; too tired, too cold and too fucking lonely. You averted your eyes, fixing them on the patterns of the floor.

“I’m cold.”

You squared your jaw as your neck tensed against the oncoming rush of images. The thick ice above you, the currents pulling you down, down, down, snagging on your feet and making it impossible to kick, superspeed be damned. You couldn’t find the opening where she had fallen through; you’d got her back up, and then.. slipped. Hit the back of your head on the ice on your way down and the few seconds of desorientation was apparently all it took for you to completely lose your bearings. You followed the bubbles from your breath upwards but found nothing but thick ice. You saw your team on the other side, tearing at the hole in the ice, making it bigger, searching for you. You’d tried to scream, tried to remain logical, tried to swim towards them, tried to hold your breath, tried to pound on the ice- anything. It had been so cold, and you just couldn’t get warm.

“Still feels like you’re in the ice?”

Still shivering, you nodded.

You heard some rustling and the sound of fabric against fabric and then a sudden thump.

“Ever since the serum,” you looked up at Bucky who had removed the back pillows from the couch and scooted in a bit, holding the blanket he’d been wrapped up in high over himself in clear invitation, “I run hot, like crazy hot, so.. if you want..”

It was frankly adorable how uncertain he looked, and under normal circumstances it was likely you’d be over analyzing this a mile a minute before coming to the conclusion that it was probably a bad idea. But this wasn’t normal circumstances and you’d do just about anything to warm up the ice in your veins. So without a word you untangled from your cocoon and cautiously made your way over to Bucky, nestling in, back to chest and making yourself as small as possible, knees drawn up tight to your body.

Bucky draped the fabric over you both, tucking it in around your smaller frame and then wrapped his shiny left arm around you; and to your great surprise it was warm. Just as him.

It was like being hugged by a radiator and you felt your muscles untense just the tiniest bit.

“Oh, wow. You really weren’t kidding, huh?”, you sighed, eyes closed and the soft quilt pulled up beneath your chin.

Bucky reached for the remote, pushing replay on the movie and then settled back against you, pulling you close as the notes to the intro rang out through the speakers. It felt weird but.. good, safe.

“Nah, I really weren’t.”

He hummed, pushing his face against your neck and you froze for a moment, and a second later so did he.

“What are you doing?”

“Enjoying the moment?”

And you actually managed to laugh at that, an unexpected effervescent sound trilling off your lips.

“So is this- what? You just-”

“Can’t we just stick with I like to be close to you and maybe not analyse that right this instant? You’re still shivering, doll, and not in a good way.”

You snorted, grateful that he managed to not only lighten the mood but distract you from the persistent memories picking your brain apart.

The shield had almost cracked your skull when it broke through the ice and you had three stitches to prove it, but you were still grateful, for if it hadn't been for Cap and that shield you wouldn’t been here now at all. Still, it was a sound you’d probably never forget. These things had a way of latching on to the very fibers of your mind, etching themselves into the linings of your skull like a morbid cave painting. You shuddered and burrowed closer.

“Yeah, yeah alright,” you conceded, pushing back, chasing the warmth, “but if you weren’t so damn deliciously warm I’d-”

“Still be here because of my dashing good looks?”

You huffed a laugh, snickering under your breath.

“You’re ridiculous,” you breathed, and added as in afterthought, “don’t ever change that.”

It was easier being open and stupid about things when you were tired and cold and in the warm arms of one of your favourite people. Even though you might judge yourself for this later on, you knew he wouldn’t.

He shifted closer, his body curling around yours until his knees nudged the back of yours, a pleased hum in his chest.

You’d almost fallen asleep when his lips moved behind your ear, his breath a soft thing against your skin.

“Stay here tonight?”, he let his hand curve around your waist and squeeze lightly, “don't worry.. I’ll keep you warm.”

You shivered against him, but this time for only the good reasons.

~~~

When your eyes reopened everything went by in a sleep riddled haze; the room was dark save for the light from the DVD menu- and you were the only two left.

There was only Bucky, warm and hard against you, and hands- his, yours, who knew- in a blurr; asking, squeezing, petting and pulling. Somehow you ended up facing each other and there was something there in his eyes, something only half aware but still asking. You answered not in words, but in touches, tiny little moans that you allowed to slip and the wet slide of your lips against his. He groaned as if in relief and you swallowed every noise down, tugging at him, caressing, pulling the sounds from him to drink down like water.

He mumbled sweet nothings in your ear, warm metal finding the curves of your body with ease, seeking out all the places that made you light up.

When you were flush against each other, not a thread between you, he slowly entered you, warming you up from the inside out, thawing you in a rhythm that closely resembled a slow heartbeat, soft and unrushed.

The heat billowed around you, seemed to come off his body like vapor and it was simultaneously comforting and addictive.

His arms were tightly wrapped around you and the nails of his right hand bore into your skin, keeping you centered, grounded. He closed his mouth over your shoulder, just at the nape; teeth grazing and rasping over your rapidly heating skin.

You whimpered, pulling closer and burrowing your face along his neck, the slight stubble rasping your cheek.

“I got you.” he murmured, and his voice sounded low and rich in your ear.

There was heat, and sleep addled minds, and roaming hands that never sought permission from their owners- just need beneath a blanket of barely awake; and when he drove you to your peak, pushing you over the edge only to soon follow, you simply shivered in each others arms, shared breaths and soft moans slowly warming you up.

#marvelfluffbingo2019 #bucky barnes #james buchanan barnes #bucky x reader #bucky imagine #bucky x you #bucky x y/n #the avengers #gender neutral reader

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supersoldier-of-asgard · 6 years ago

Text

Nodus Tollens (9/10)

•The realisation that the plot of your life doesn’t make sense to you anymore•

Paring : Bucky Barnes x HYDRA!reader (gender-neutral) + Avengers

Summary : you’ve been practically raised by HYDRA and The Wintersoldier has been your idol, someone you looked up to. What happens when you’re send to kill him and get captured by the avengers? SLOWBURN

Warnings whole fic : language, detailed discription of fighting and blood, a whole load of torture, trauma and a lot of angst ( if you want me to add something then please message me!)

Warning this part : idk implied sex?

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10

Masterlist

At a location unknown

Consciousness slowly crept down Bucky’s body, first awakening his mind and slowly trailing down his spine as his limbs whirred back alive like the gears of a machine.

He forced them to lay as still as possible, his blues moving in panic behind closed eyelids as he tried to recollect his memories. He didn’t dare open them, afraid he’d be met with the rusty grey walls of his old cell in the HYDRA facility.

He remembered every single detail of it, from the scratches on the left corner he’d caused to the blood stains on the floor that had dripped from his mouth and ears. The pain he’d endured harshly entered his brain as he tried to identify where he truly was using his other senses.

Instead of the hard and dirty mattress he was so familiar with, his side sunk into soft leather. The smell of dust and coffee roamed his nose and the sickening feeling that had previously settled into his heart drummed as he heard the familiar voice.

��You’re awake.”

His eyes dared snap open, eyebrows bushing over them as he had to peak through a curtain of his hair to see. His body shot up out of the laying position in the blink of an eye and towered over the person that was the source of the voice, his metal fist closing around a neck in reflex and pushing them against the nearest wall.

He blinked rapidly, trying to clear his sight and mind as he finally took in the sight before him. He loosened his grip a tad when he noticed it was you, eyes raking over your new attire as his prosthetic whirred to life.

You were wearing a black suit, guns and knives strapped to every tactical place imaginable as little bottles and other contents hid under various pockets. Fingerless gloves held his wrist that was still blocking your airways but was loose enough for you to breathe.

“What the fuck did you do?”, he hissed, scanning the place he woke up in out of the corner of his eyes. A flood of relief washed over him as he realised this was not even remotely HYDRA.

“Goodmorning”, you smiled, seemingly not bothered by the lack of air.

Bucky pulled you off the wall, still holding on to your neck and making you look up at him with a faint spark of arousal.

“You’re going to tell me everything right now or I’ll break your neck”, he spat, threateningly looking down at you without a single drop of hesitation.

“I need air to talk”, you wheezed as he pressed harder, this time clawing at the plates you dreamed of holding you.

But not like this.

Okay, maybe like this.

He let go, his plates adjusting from his movements as you rubbed the probably red spot on your neck.

“I had a week.”

“Please don’t drag this on, just fucking tell me.”

You coughed with a chuckle, taking a deep breath before beginning.” I had a week to kill you. If I didn’t succeed or return in a week, they would take action and attack the tower.”

Bucky rubbed his face with his palms, running fingers through the tangled brown locks that rested on his head, the band that normally kept it together not on his wrist.

“You used that fucking word”, he growled, anger swirling through his veins as regret from the previous night fought for its place. How could he be so fucking stupid to think you could change.

“I had to. You would have never come with me if I hadn’t”, you softly answered, trying to keep him from blowing up. You were exhausted from the previous adrenaline drive, the added weight of an unconscious Bucky made it all the harder to escape the crouded compound.

“The fuck I would”, he sneered, agreeing as he finally allowed himself to fully take in the small room he woke up in. It had no more than a couch and a single armchair, a tiny wooden table filling the gap as creme colored walls surrounded them. “Where are we?”

“A place I thought safe, for now. They can’t trace us here.”

“They? Who’s they?”, Bucky inquired with an angry smile,” HYDRA? Steve? Because I have no idea who’s side you’re on!”

“I’m on your side,” you sighed deeply, letting yourself raise your voice. Everything was a mess, your once obvious destiny now a giant cloud of smoke covering your true fate.”There are many things I don’t know anymore, but one thing I will always be sure of. I want you alive.”

Dazed blue eyes searched your soul for the truth, only to be met with the surface of genuine certainty. He didn’t know what to believe, but you put your life at risk at this very moment by keeping him from the claws of HYDRA. That’s got to mean something.

“Why did you drag me out of there? I could have fought and saved myself. I had a whole team to back me up, for fucks sake, I don’t need your help.”

“They created a numbing serum much stronger and much more effective than mine. It could knock you out and torture you with a single shot,” you breathed out, memories of the numerous times they had tested it on you till they perfected it still vividly dancing through yor mind.

“Shit... Steve.” It was the first thing his mind leaped at, panic flowing his body at the thought of them grabbing Steve instead of him. A shudder set his body on alert, ready to dash out at any time.

“Don’t worry, they have too little for two people. They wouldn’t use it on them, it’s meant for you.”

At the compound

“He’s not in the cell, Tony!” Steve frantically shouted in the earpiece, kicking your now opened metal cuffs with his bare feet. He hadn’t had enough time to suit up when the normally impenetrable windows of the tower shattered to pieces, so he had fought in his pyjamas and bare feet. “ They escaped..They fucking escaped.”

“Okay calm down, Steve. Didn’t Barnes have a phone on him?” Tony sighed, the heavy clunk of his armour detaching recognizable through the piece.

“No he was in pyjamas.” He huffed, walking back towards the elevators as he had to step over numerous bodys of HYDRA goons littering the floors. “They fucking kidnapped him.. god knows what they’re doing to him right now.”

“Don’t think like that,” Natasha butted in, attempting to wipe blood off her white shirt,” I’m sure he can handle it if it were the case.”

But Steve knew he couldn’t. They wouldn’t just torture him this time, they had every motive to kill him on the spot. That was the whole reason you were here anyways.

You.

“Wait, Tony, do you still have that musicplayer?”

Some rustling echoed through his ears as he anxiously tapped his soar feet, the elevator not going fast enough for his liking. His blue shirt was stained with dirt and blood, hair tousled and sweatpants hanging low on his hips. He didn’t bother pulling them up, having had frustratedly yanked at them constantly during the fight.

“..No” Tony answered to Steve’s relief,” must’ve took it.”

“Good. Can you trace it?”

“Wow Rogers, losing Barnes really does hardwire your brain.”

“Shut up, Tony,” Steve chuckled, finally arriving at the main floor where everyone had gathered. Body’s littered the floor like dust, nobody flinching as they stepped on and over the blood covering every inch of the ground.

Everyone gathered around Tony to watch the screen as he typed furiously, blue shadows of the holograms casting on his face as he poked his tongue out in concentration when finally, a sound of triumph broke the silenced air. “ found it! Man, I’m good.”

“Either they’re stupid, or this is a trap,” Clint pointed out, squinting at the flashing red dot on the screen that was still moving.

“Does it matter?”

Back at the location unknown

“So what? You’re going to keep me here untill..?”, he challengingly looked down at you, eyes daring you to speak wrongly.

“Tomorrow,” you answered blankly, walking around him to the single chair in the room and sitting down.” Tomorrow you can go.”

Bucky chuckled in disbelief and amusement,” You really think I’m going to stay here with you for 24 hours? You can’t keep me here.”

You shrugged, uneffected,” Maybe I can’t. But I don’t have to. You will stay here.”

He rose an eyebrow, slowly walking to the couch and sitting with his elbows on his knees, leaning foreward with a squint,” And why is that?”

You mimicked his position.” Because I will tell you everything you want to know about HYDRA, in exchange.”

This made him sit upright, eyebrows furrowed incredulously.” Why would you risk betraying them? You could get killed.”

You only blinked at him, resting your back against the chair with a neutral expression. It scared Bucky, but at the same time a spark of hope ignited in him that maybe, you chose to change after all. Maybe you realised you didn’t need them and that they were the bad side.

“Unless.. you’re not going back?”

You let out a quiet snort at his hopefulness, an ache swimming through your veins at the reminder that it could never happen.” I have to.”

“No you don’t. You know more about HYDRA than possibly anyone in the world, you can help us take them down for good”, he pleaded, sitting at the edge of the couch as he tried to get through to you. To no avail.

You shook your head dismissively, worry shooting through your body at the mere thought.” No. No no no, I would never do that.”

Bucky furrowed his eyebrows.” You’ll still fight for them? After all that happened?”

You sighed,” it’s more complicated than that, but yes... I have to.”

“Stop with the ‘have to’ bullshit! They gave you a will! Something I never had! All you have to fucking do is trust me and you never ‘have to’ do anything!”

He was slowly getting riled up, the understanding patience wearing thin as the start of a new war knocked on their door. He didn’t have time to convince you anymore, the fight already taking place while you were still conflicted deep within yourself.

His boldness caught you off guard, but you managed to compose yourself. It’s something you learned to do throughout all those years, memories resurfacing through he floorboards and scratching at your knees to make them bleed. But you refused to hold on to them, even as it was subconsciously Bucky’s only option.

“When I first saw you, real and breathing, on that bed a week ago,” you breathed out, almost not audible if it weren’t for his hightened senses,” I hesitated.. for the first time in my life I hesitated.”

Bucky listened intendly, utterly intrigued by your side of the story. He had always wondered if your experiences were as bad as his, if they tortured you and messed you up the way they did him.

You continued under encouraging blue eyes.” You were having a nightmare, tossing and turning in bed and I almost...”, you took a deep breath to regain composture,” I had a plan B. To take you away to a place like this and hide you from them. Maybe even run away with you...”

“You’d risk that?”

You nodded,” at the time. A different feeling went through me when I first saw you, a feeling I never felt before and never learned to control.”

“Longing”, he answered for you,” that’s my first trigger word.”

You could only gaze at him in pain, the word so familiar yet the meaning so foreign.

“Does it hurt?” You whispered after a long stretched silence.

Bucky met your eyes, knowing what you were talking about, but not knowing if he should speak about it— if he wanted to speak about it.

“Like several bullets to my brain as I slowly sink to utter darkness. Nothing around me but the screams and faces of the innocent as I put a bullet in their head.”

You let out a shaky breath.” Do you.. remember? After it’s over?”

Where were you going with this?

“Every single thing. I’m still me, just... without a will or a way.”

He wondered if your thoughts about him had changed at all, if you still viewed him as the powerful soldier with a metal arm. Did you still idolize him? Was he still your hero?

“...Do you blame yourself?”

The eternal question. One asked by every person he had encountered including himself. The question had slipped past Steve’s lips with sorrow and pain, scared of the answer. It had broken through the playfully stoic facade of Sam, curious and therapist-like.

But the way it rolled off your tongue made it seem like a different sentence. Like the answer didn’t really matter, yet mattered the most. Like he could talk about it till the sun set or just simply answer with a word and it either way wouldn’t matter.

“Yes.. do you?”

“Yes.”

“Does it change anything?”

“No.”

He could tell you were being honest, yet he knew you were starting to doubt it yourself. He knew the impact he had on you, things so different when you heard another side of the story. He knew talking about it made it all seem more real, your hard facade slowly crumbling as the truth reveals itself.

“I don’t want it to”, you finished shakily, shoulders visibly relaxing as you let your true emotions out, those cerulean eyes pulling your soul to expose yourself to it. It brought a certain warmth, cascading on your heart as it reassured you that you were safe

Safe. Did you even know what safety was? Had you ever dared stop subconsciously scanning your surroundings like you could be attacked at any moment? The constant need to know everything was in place and under your control while you always had your attention on every movement of every soul wandering the room, fear nibbling at your nose.

Even here, a place you deemed safe and sound, you scanned from the corner of your eyes without meaning to, multitasking by talking, listening and thinking all at the same time as you suspiciously eyed the walls for anything that could catch your eye.

No. Safe you never felt, but at this very moment, as he held your gaze so tender and full of emotions, making you momentarily forget the neverstopping panic flowing through your veins, you felt as if you were closed off from the world. As if it was okay to pluck the top from the bottle that you stacked your memories in, hidden away to never resurface until metal digits swiped a finger over the glass to make it clear.

´´I know you don´t. I know thinking about it pains you, but you have to let yourself feel.´´

´´If I feel, I will never be able to stop,´´ you confessed, not realising he had stood up and walked until you felt his thumbs over your knuckles.

´´You have a name now, Y/N,´´ he whispered, your glazy eyes forming a thin curtain to blur his face,´´feel.´´

So you felt.

You felt his stubble scratch your palms and his ears between your fingers. You felt his hair tangling your movements and his hands, one hot one cold, tracing up your body. You felt soft lips on yours and a warm tongue break through your teeth. You felt a cold breeze as he pulled your suit off, and cozy fabric as you pulled the hoodie off him. You felt his breath on your nose, his lashes fanning you like butterfly wings breaking out of a cacoon.

You felt metal and muscle, scars and bumps under your touch. You felt shifting plates, carefull hands and strong arms protecting you from everything that ever harmed you. You felt lust, longing, the matress causing friction on your back. You felt whole, completed, filled. You felt eyes caress you, nose bump you and legs tangling yours.

You felt him, every part of him, as he felt you. Every vulnerable part of you. He felt your desperation, desire, emotions seeping through your pores like he´d never seen before. He felt your skin, harsh and full of bruises. He felt your eyes, watching his every moment as he felt inside you.

But most importantly, you both felt your walls tumble to the ground. Brick by brick it shattered like glass and unveiled the true you that had been hiding for so long, locked in the darkest part of your mind to wait for this moment. It pushed itsway through and exposed itself to the rain, now clattering outside the single window in the lone room.

And as you both felt the high, the metal that was laced inside you both methaphorically and physically, rusted in the raindrops. The emotionless robot you were was no more, melting and washing away with the sweat glimmering your skin as the serum pumping through both your blood made it all feel overwhelmingly good.

But both of you knew this feeling wouldn´t last forever.

It didn´t matter. You both tried to feel as much as you could, holding onto every feeling that shot up your body and letting go of the ones shooting down.

- Part 10

A/N : This chapter was the one my idea all started with. Although I had a completely different conversation in my head, I´m quite satisfied with how this turned out. I was stuck on this for days to make it like I first had in mind, but I erased everything and went with a gentler version. I initially wanted them to scream at eachother and make a confession that led to the kiss, but this is sensual.

Up to write the final chapter! what a ride it has been.