#tried my hand at webweaving !

[chinese--satellite]

lewis hamilton's 2017 world championship - his first world championship without nico rosberg on the grid.

orange show speedway - lizzie mcalpine

[felixravinstills]

hi abyssal! i think you already know what character i'm gonna ask about sooo - sejanus plinth :)

re: ask game

Thanks for the ask, Backpacks! I'm glad to finally get to this one!

My first impression

(somehow heard of him before reading tbosas) There's like a guy whose really nice in the Capitol? Who Snow betrays somehow?

My impression now

Sejanus, I love you, but you're unwell at times (your circumstances are not helping your mental state). I want to give him a hug.

Favorite thing about that character

I love how resolved he is and true to himself! I feel like if I was him, I would have tried anything to fit in and not seem like an outsider, but Sejanus is proud and true to his District roots! I really admire him for that!

Least favorite thing

Every time, I imagine him sitting alone at recess and stuff when he's a kid/even like just before tbosas. I get so sad. I get war flashbacks. It upsets me a bit.

Favorite line/scene

“We’ll figure something out. Fish, net birds. They say there are people in the north,” Sejanus told him. Coriolanus thought of Billy Taupe luring Lucy Gray to that imaginary outpost in the wilderness. Had he heard about it from the rebels, or had they heard about it from him? “But even if there aren’t, there’s no Capitol,” Sejanus continued. “And that’s the main thing for me, isn’t it? Not this district or that. Not student or Peacekeeper. It’s living in a place where they can’t control my life. I know it seems cowardly running away, but I’m hoping that once I’m out of here, maybe I can think straighter and come up with some way I can help the districts.”

Thought about it so much that I made that webweaving

Favorite interaction that character has with another

His interaction with Maude Ivory were so cute!

A character that I wish that character would interact with more

Probably Lucy Gray since they barely interact!

Another character from another fandom that reminds me of that character

Cassius but very specifically from RSC 2017 Julius Caesar. Like Sejanus isn't a schemer like Cassius or any of that, but they both give me the head in hands "someone help him! someone give him a hug!" feeling. Guy is throwing himself at a mission with a high likelihood of death and the high likelihood is like not a deterrent.

A headcanon about that character

I once mentioned that Felix definitely ignored Sejanus when he was being sad even though Felix would probably understand that loneliness so well (in my hc), and let me tell you. That was the one time the psychic damage that Felix did to me was not a good thing in my books.

Anyway, sorry, I feel like a lot of Sejanus thoughts I have are me seeing other people's Sejanus thoughts and going "yes!" so this was the only one that I could think of that's really my headcanon. And of course, it has Felix...

I feel like he tries really hard to be strong for Ma, because he knows that she's having trouble adjusting too. I feel like everyone thinks that though.

A song that reminds of that character

Please... please. I don't know. Little Lion Man by Mumford and Sons? my musical knowledge is only 2000s to 2010s amv, cmv, fanvid music for the most part...

An unpopular opinion about that character

Not really an unpopular opinion where I normally hangout, but maybe out in the world? I get annoyed when people are like "he should have stayed in the Capitol and affected change from the inside." Like, I feel like people don't think about how much complicity in shitty things that would force on him... He just wanted to get away to regroup and figure out what he could do! Go north... the ones who walk away...

Favorite picture

[youngestdaughtersyndrome]

Is there any chance you can give us a tag directory?

I can certainly try!!! Its not a complete directory because i have over a hundred and even i lose track of all of them. Anyways im putting the list under the cut ... i tried to organize it to the best of my ability so GENERAL is for housekeeping, TANGIBLE CONCEPTS are for physical things, FLEXIBLE CONCEPTS are things that hover between physical and conceptual, INTANGIBLE CONCEPTS are things that fully conceptual, and SPECIFIC MEDIA is for specific bands/shows/etc. I highly recommend if youre on mobile you DO NOT hit keep reading because its absurdly long and will take over ur dash. Anyways have fun knock urself out

GENERAL:

hollyws: original posts..... went by holly for a while on here, first url was honeyhollows, hollows has similar spelling to holly, you get the gist

a: a is for assorted, so anything that doesnt have an actual organizational tag goes in there-- memes, textposts, current events, etc

srb: self reblog, but not for every one of my og posts that i rb, just the ones that surpass a thousand notes and therefore get deleted. Its my greatest hits pretty much

for later: links, resources, things i want to return to, you get the gist

tag game: those like questionnaire-type games one gets tagged in

asks: asks that ive answered

vdo: in-app videos

the world flows past on both sides distant and mute: audio tag. From nazim hikmet's poem "things i didnt know i loved"

mb: moodboards

our hands empty except for our hands: webweaving and parallel posting. From ocean vuong's "on earth we're briefly gorgeous"

fave: favorites, obvs

blog thesis: the tag equivalent of me calling something real as hell, containing things that qualify as my belief system

my face: selfie tag, but most (all of them actually) get deleted approx 24 hours from original posting time so there's not really anything in there

maeve tag: pictures of my dog reside here

foster tag: my family fosters dogs sometimes, so if we've got a foster and i post a picture, it goes here

matryoshka dog, blue is your color, gi posting, betsy's ordination song, evan's dream journal: personalized tags for friends of mine

TANGIBLE CONCEPTS:

born to blow your mind or something along those lines: art! From the last shadow puppets' "miracle aligner"-- pretty much everything but photography...

the human eye is the loneliest creation: ...because this is the photography tag. I typically only use it when an image doesnt fit into any other tag, so its basically my "a" tag but for like formal images only. Kind of an ocean vuong quote but i changed it from "the human eye is god's loneliest creation" to that bc i go back and forth on god and whatnot

there's a brand new talk but it's not very clear: fashion, both in the conceptual runway sense and the "this is cute, i would wear this" sense. Aptly from david bowie's "fashion"

play pause rewind: anything having to with film or tv (that i dont have a specific tag for)-- gifsets, interviews, editorial style guides, etc.

people!: pictures where you can put a name to the face, so either celebrities or pictures that have their name in the caption

let it go free: items-- jewelry, knick knacks, tchotchkes, etc. A combination of things i would want and things i find beautiful, which are not necessarily mutually exclusive

cabinet of curiosities: a multitude of objects at once-- dollhouses, boxes full of stuff, dishes of jewelry. Its different from "let it go free" because i said so

interiors: decor, interior design, etc.

dishes: plates and platters and whatnot that i like

they really want you: dolls. From hole's "doll parts"

the light on your door: mirrors. From the velvet underground and nico's "i'll be your mirror"

releases: cars, usually crashed or rotting or in some other form of disuse, but also just normal, completely fine cars. Go watch crash 1996 dir. david cronenberg and then we'll talk

hundred voices: spirals. Also concentric circles.

nacreous: pearls, things with a mother-of-pearl inlay, etc

it's coming coming down: eyes. From sonic youth's "beauty lies in the eye"

bad girl meat: teeth. From lady gaga's "teeth"

divine and sharp: weapons, or at least some very pointy things one shouldnt run with

happiness is: a warm gun. Guns in general actually-- this is my tag for guns. From the beatles' "happiness is a warm gun". Duh

prisms: food. Lots of cake in this tag but its all foods not just cake.... i just like cake

o sailor: sailing, nautical stuff, ships, etc. From fiona apple's eponymous song

it's buzzcut season anyways: cutting hair, from lorde's "buzzcut season".

tattoos: well, its tattoos. Not necessarily ones i would want or even inspiration for future tattoos, its just that if a tattoo is the main focus of an image, it goes in here

invitation to peace: deer tag, from system of a down's "deer dance".

draw blood just to taste it hold bones just to break them: canine tag as in dogs, not the teeth, and also one that i wish wasnt so long because man this is a pain to type out. From nicole dollanganger's "dog teeth"

weird fishes: fish. From radiohead's "weird fishes"

lo voy a tener que matar: cats! From los saicos' "el entierro de los gatos". Also yeah i know it means "i'm going to have to kill him" i just think its real funny

in silence i have pulled myself free: tag for horses and all things horse related. From pj harvey's "horses in my dreams"

cowboys are frequently secretly fond of each other: cowboys. From willie nelson's eponymous song

they don't love you like i love you: places i grew up in/nearby-- it's pretty much everything west of colorado with a bit of mexico in there. From yeah yeah yeahs' "maps"

like the blue blonde hollyhocks of the dead: flower tag (all sorts, not just hollyhocks). Another bastardized quote, this time from sandra cisneros' a house on mango street-- the original is "dusty hollyhocks thick and perfumy blue-blond hair of the dead". Very good book you should read it

we return to each other in waves: things relating to the water-- the ocean, lakes, rivers, etc. It's definitely a quote from something but i cant find the og source and i dont trust pinterest

consumed and refined: fire, things on fire, burning, yada yada yada

tamer: ice, snow, frozen things, etc

01010000: all things mold and rot. Referring, of course, to the date the world began to decay, which was the day it was created

FLEXIBLE CONCEPTS:

lamentations! lamentations!: art or quotes or whatever that make me scream cry throw up wail howl prostrate myself etc.

the everything the patterns: my humanity tag! Doubles as both an "awww, arent humans cute?" tag and a catchall for people who aren't celebrities and don't have their names in the caption

god and other highways: religion and god, but mostly god. If you see something in there and you think "how could this possibly be related to god OR religion?" mind your own damn business <3

i believe in angels: things i consider to be angelic, which is a classification system even more lengthy and unnecessary than this tagging system. From abba's "i have a dream"

bolts in the head: monsters and generally spooky things. And yeah ik frankenstein doesnt actually have bolts in his head and that was a lie the movie made up but also the nature and definition of a monster is just as illusory and invented as the bolts are

whispers in the air: ghosts, or the fleeting nature of things, or the imagined, or the abstraction of the memory. So yeah its ghosts

when i love you it's forever: the dead, but focusing on the flesh left behind instead of the ghost that proceeds ahead. From "confessions of a skull mask", in the anthology "necrophilia variations"

we have put her living in the tomb: houses or general structures, officially haunted or otherwise (because all buildings are haunted in some way tbh). From my favorite edgar allen poe story "the fall of the house of usher" :)

the roots of the tree: things relating to childhood, development, or family

the lovers: art, photos, etc typically with two things interacting in some familiar way. Not necessarily nsfw, but theres definitely some lesbian erotica in there so beware

cut open my sternum and pull my little ribs around you: gore and blood and all that fun stuff. Not all images of blood go in here so if youre sensitive about pictures of blood beware. You probably shouldnt follow me if you are tbh. Anways it's from purity ring's "fineshrine"

is it a love song?: hunger, desire, violence, and the place where they intersect. Gore is in here also <3 and it's a quote from the 1983 film the hunger

race my heart race my soul: images i really really love. I would say its my aesthetic but aesthetics are a lie propagated by Big Capitalism to get you to buy more shit you dont need so no its not and dont get it twisted..... from "i'll never learn" by the shangri-las, which is possibly my favorite song. I go back and forth on what my favorite song is, but this one's up there for sure

put on your red shoes and dance the blues: all things red. From david bowie's "let's dance", but the original or 2002 remaster and not the 2018 remaster because as much as i love saxophone its totally out of the blue in the intro of the 2018 remaster and i dont like it

love me blue: all things blue, from zayn's "blue". And i have no qualms with any version of this song because i love you zayn

twilight sun: all things pink, from something that someone said to me in passing once and i thought it was nice.

the dead image of life: all things green

capable of charming god: all things yellow

tête à tête: ballet, and things relating to ballet. Even pictures of models with their ribbons tied all messed up go in here, im sorry to say

do you think you've made the right decision this time?: departure, transit, etc. Coming from, though, not going to-- the emphasis is on the leaving. From the smiths' "london" (underrated track tbh)

disappearance in transformation: bugs that can fly-- mainly moths and butterflies, but some beetles and other grubs appear here too

kill this chorus: people in relation to water-- in puddles, swimming, drowning, etc. Im not saying what this is from... if you know you know and also you know why that phrase pertains to that imagery

the luckiest by far: celestial bodies, clouds, the sky, etc. From madonna's lucky star

heaven waits on the other side: weddings, mostly brides and wedding dress-type stuff. From nicole dollanganger's "heart shaped bed"

godspeed your love: all things relating to love (and occasionally heartbreak). From possibly the greatest love song ever, the righteous brothers' "unchained melody"

lily left alone: playing cards and things having to do with suites of cards. Kind of from bob dylan's "lily, rosemary, and the jack of hearts" but not really

bloodied black: martyrs, warriors, knights. Lots of pictures of armor and joan of arc imagery here

mourning lamb: farm animals, mainly sheep but also cows and pigs and whatnot. From ethel cain's "ptolemaea"

all down: typography, handwritten things, etc-- everything from journal entries to song lyrics to letters to typed notes

time is a river: myths, folklore, classics, historical art, etc. Technically a quote from heraclitus but every knows it bc of marcus aurelius

INTANGIBLE CONCEPTS:

from the fire roads: get ready for this because this and the following five tags are all connected. This is the tag equivalent of exposition on the hero's journey-- the scene is a small town, a childhood bedroom, a parking lot, etc. From bruce springsteen's "racing in the streets"

and i see big things for you: this is the first threshold (transformation) in the hero's journey. In this particular case, the protagonist becomes a groupie for a band that passed through the town, and this world of travel and casual excess is very different from the world theyre from. The scene is a basement shows, cigarettes in a hotel bed, underfunded recording studios, etc. From wolf alice's "white leather"

somewhere there's a party: the "challenges and temptations" part of the hero's journey-- our protagonist gets tired of the constant moving and, craving something more, ends up in a big city working as a model/socialite. The scene is a closet filled with frills and designer clothes, a gala, the backstage of a fashion show, etc. From the replacements' "swingin' party"

don't cry about it: now at the second threshold (abyss) of the hero's journey, things start going downhill. The protagonist loses themself in a wave of drugs, sex, and excess; the scene is now a large bathroom with a shattered mirror, a smoke-filled bdsm club, a nosebleed, etc. From lana del rey's "this is what makes us girls"

careful fear / dead devotion: with the third threshold (atonement) in the hero's journey comes the protagonist's realization of their own rock bottom and the desire to get better. The scene is a dark bedroom with light coming through the door, a park at night, an open window, etc. From the nationals' "don't swallow the cap"

born with a weak heart: the end of the hero's journey-- the protagonist takes what money they have left and splits, getting a place in the middle of nowhere and working as an attendant somewhere they won't be recognized. The scene is a clearing in the woods, a warm kitchen, a grocery store, etc. From talking heads' "this must be the place"

there was to be no death in eden: Mostly i use it for animals that i dont have a specific tag for, large groups of animals, animals in little people clothes, fantasy art, folk tales, children's books, or anything else i consider to be edenic. Im gonna be honest with you i have a weird idea of eden because i saw it in a dream ... more on that here if u scroll down to where it says september 22 2023. Its an ellen g. white quote im pretty sure, and while i personally hate the seventh-day adventists and everything that entails, i do respect a woman who gets visions

you got your good thing: things pertaining to heaven, which is a vibe i cannot possibly explain bc i saw it in a dream as well but i will link you here nonetheless and just hope you get it. In short basically heaven is an archive and the angels never build it right because they're working off pure image untainted by emotion and human perspective so everything looks a little wonky and clinical (they mean well though). From david lynch's "in heaven (lady in the radiator song", off the eraserhead 1977 soundtrack

pelican island: birds. Also any sort of ghostly island or mysterious shore. Ghosts, too. From deena metzger's eponymous poem

ST PAUL MOMENT ST PAUL MOMENT: the nature version of my humanity tag. Refers to the biblical tale of st. paul, who was blinded then healed by jesus as a way of converting him to christianity (which is fucking crazy and sooo dramatic but we're not here to talk abt that). The point is that its the sensation of being awakened to a natural power higher than yourself, like how flowers always have a number of petals that complies with the fibonacci sequence

thou mayest: being good, being bad, the feeling of being torn between your capacities for good and evil, the shame of feeling evil, etc. Go read john steinbeck's east of eden and then we'll talk

soul opium: solitude, isolation, loneliness

thorn without a rose: hole theory. From aerosmith's "hole in my soul" #sorrywomen

shadows: poems that come off as gray to me. Yeah i dont know either man they just do its a very specific vibe and there is no other way to describe it than gray

ritualism: the color white being used in a holy, ritualistic context (or at least a context i perceive as holy)

74: my yamaha tx750 was created in 1974, which is a year that is important to me for no other reason than that (if u go into the tag its pretty obvious and if its not.... well im not telling)

p: im not sayinggggg. But here you will find white horses and things about grief

are your ears on?: writing, particularly having to do with the idea of a grand overarching narrative that tropes are forcefully enacted within

SPECIFIC MEDIA:

it's impossible to compete with the dead: my tag for all things sharp objects-related. Tag is a quote from the book

spn: that would be the 2005 cw show supernatural. #Sorry

mcr: that would be the post-hardcore band my chemical romance. #Sorryyyyyyy

shattered teacup: tag for the 2013 tv show hannibal and no other version of thomas harris's work-- silence of the lambs and whatnot can be found in the "play pause rewind" tag

little nudie turtles: tag for the 2018-2023 hbo show succession. Quote by tom (it's literally tom).

and the angels wouldn't help you: tag for david lynch's twin peaks, both the show(s) and the film

time is a flat circle: tag for season one of true detective... haven't watched the other seasons of this show because honestly nothing can beat that. So its only for season one

[brynnterpretations]

hii! hope you’re having a wonderful time! may i please request a ship from the boys?

i'm a straight female in my mid twenties.

i have brown eyes and wavy brown hair and i'm 157cm.

my love language is physical touch,

i'm extremely stubborn and competitive. i'm sarcastic to a fault and have trouble identifying and expressing my emotions. i thrive under pressure.

i'm a newbie silversmith and jewellery designer.

my hobbies include painting, archery and uncontrollably crying to sad songs while regretting my life decisions.

i love animals and i have 2 dogs.

and uh, yeah that’s it really! thank you and have a great day.

Thank you for the ship and being so sweet! I hope you're doing well and like this. ♡

I ship you with...

Billy Butcher ♡

Boyfriend

GIF Source: @supeshunter ★ (link)

You and Billy meet due to you being affected by a C-level Supe in NYC — probably Webweaver, or another scummy, bottom-of-the-Barrel V-byproduct. Butcher, ever on the lookout for anyone who's been disadvantaged by Vought and its repercussions, would step in to help you, whether it's just gathering your information to build a case (on Hughie's advising) or "taking matters into his own hands" (on Butcher's prerogative, which... let's not).

Through that, you two begin talking, although it's nothing but professional. The guy's just doing his job, and you're just trying to get back to your job, and after Becca, he's not actively seeking a relationship.

However, as your help is needed more-and-more, and you continue stopping by the hideout for investigation related-things, Butcher finds himself falling for you, even though he's emotionally constipated and initially tries not to admit it to himself.

So, he thinks you're cute physically, and is a sucker for sarcastic types, but his attraction would be firmly cemented when he finds out you do archery. Badass women are 100% his weakness, and add that to silversmith work? Sold. He's been sold. You've sold him.

He would make a very lowkey first move on you, despite his brash nature, just asking if you wanted to go out for dinner and drinks.

Throughout the talking stage, he'd be very sweet and gentlemanly, while still, of course, being Butcher. He'd always dress up nicely (we're talking button-up, slacks, and a belt, of course), walk you home, hold doors open for you, and offer you his jacket whenever it's cold.

It would be a slowburn, though. With both of you being very emotionally reserved people, it would definitely take months throughout the talking stage before it's official.

But the talking stage? It's good, and it just means you two get to really know each other and he gets to take you on nice, thoughtful dates, like home-cooked meals (even if he's no M.M. or Frenchie, he's still pretty good), animal shelters, and, though while not as aesthetically pleasing as could be,

And... let's be real, once you two became official, you'd be able to sucker him into getting another dog with you, even though there's still a Terror-shaped hole in his heart.

Bringing us to how you two became official: through a very earnest, private conversation, where he laid out flatly to you how he felt and that, if you didn't feel the same way, he'd understand. And, when you accept? Expect the warmest embrace you've ever had in your life.

He's not a PDA person at all, but he does enjoy physical affection, and would love holding you, giving you small shoulder massages, and generally just being around you. He goes weak for being the big spoon, and if you let him? Expect a ring on your finger.

(Also, he really loves your height, because since he's typically been with women around his height/taller than him, it makes big-spooning easier.)

As mentioned, he would absolutely adore your hobbies, and even though Billy's a macho guy... if you made him a ring or a bracelet, he'd wear it every day. Not gonna lie, it would have to be something somewhat manly (probably a thin rope bracelet, minimalist ring, etc.), but it would be extremely dear to him and on his person at all times.

Billy would probably not get the crying to sad songs, but it would be refreshing to him, considering everyone he's around — himself included — is emotionally constipated. He'd be pretty awkward at first (because person crying while listening to song? Huh?), but he'd grow to see it as a show of character. Additionally, he knows you, too, are reserved in your emotions, and would feel special for being able to see that around you.

In general, I feel like both of your emotional hesitations would bring you closer, not further — there's not a lot of people in either of your lives that understands that unease, and it would provide for a very honest, beautiful relationship. While there would be hiccups (I'd assume you two would have infrequent, but still tense, silent-treatment arguments from misunderstandings), you'd always be able to work it out with each other.

He wouldn't make any grand gestures about you two dating to the other boys, rather just letting it slip. It wouldn't be because he's embarrassed, he just... doesn't really see the need (he's a "those who understand, understand" short of guy). The guys, however, would catch up very quickly, just because of how much Butcher improved since you two started going out together.

While there's still a Terror-shaped hole in your heart, he loves you, so he would 100% adopt a dog for you two to co-parent.

Since your introduction to him was through the coup, he wouldn't hold any reservations towards having you around, but he would annoyingly flip-flop if you got too close to the work, especially when tensions were running higher. While he'd always apologize for it after the fact (because, let's be real, the guy can be a bit much when he's stressed), it would definitely still happen, just because he's so afraid of losing you. He knows you're strong and capable — that's why he was drawn to you, after all — but so was his brother, Becca, and so many others in his life who passed, so while he'd want there to not be any barriers between his work life and his personal life, he'd still be anxious about your safety.

The Boys ☻

Friends

GIF Source: @spacesourcx ★ (link)

I'll be real, Annie is definitely guilty of thinking you're too good for Butcher — we'll give her a pass because he's always been a bit of a menace towards her — but notices he gets a lot better when you're around. Like, better, better. He just seems in a better mood, and often makes more choices than just "let's give 'em hell".

She wouldn't talk to you too much, mostly because she tries to stay out of Butcher's business, but would really like you, and often strike up casual conversations with you. She loves how crafty you are, and...

So does Kimiko, who curiously types questions about your jewelry, your smithworking, etc. In general, she really, really loves you; she's very much drawn to crafty types (it's why she and Frenchie fit together so well), and loves your personality. She would 100% bring you extremely well-made crafts of your own; once, she sculpted you out of some clay, and even though it was just the ones you get at kids' art stores, it was really fucking good.

She would make the most conscious of an effort to become close to you out of the boys, and would invite you to a lot of typical "friendship outings" that she was deprived of growing up, like sleepovers, movie nights, etc.

Also would make you bracelets out of those Michael's/JOANN jewelry-making kits, including one very cute one made of your favorite colors and name.

She adores you, dude.

Frenchie thinks you're lovely, and definitely vibes with your sense of humor — you two would share some very, very funny moments. He went to trade school before dropping out, so he has interest in silversmithing and metalwork, and would often ask to see your wor, as well as sharing some of your own.

Hughie is intimidated of you at first — we all know he freezes up around strong women, especially the sarcastic kinds — but, once he sensed you were not going to pull any sort of "take your pocket twink and go!" on him, would open up to you. While you two wouldn't share many common interests, he would be fascinated by yours.

And, lastly: you are M.M.'s saving grace. While you still possess that sarcastic streak in common with Butcher, you are definitely a grounding force for him, and the guy appreciates the peace. More, he appreciates you — while, yes, you're stubborn and competitive, you're still a levelheaded person, and tough, at that. You also remind him a lot of Janine, who shares your fire and creativity, and thinks you're a great role model for the boys.

While Kimiko would be the most likely to form a closer relationship with you, I see M.M. as being the most likely to encourage you to work more with the boys. You're truly one of a kind, and everyone can see that, but especially M.M.

So, keep being you, girl. You've got some good people on your side.

[swiftfootedachilles]

people are so weird how are u gonna bash a well meaning person and then refuse?? to tell them?? WHY you’re bashing them?? if ur post was offensive then explain why jesus christ this is not how u have healthy useful dialogue with people, it’s just piling unnecessary hate and cruelty on someone. i’m really sorry you’re being treated so shittily by this fandom, i love your posts.

hey thank you so much for this. the handful of people ive talked to have been very understanding of my side and agree that it seems like this person already didn't like me and was looking for a way to renounce me+my posts

truly, i don't know why she feels my posts are offensive. i hate the idea that a jewish person feels i was antisemitic and fetishizing jewish culture. i researched antisemitic fetishization tropes in opera during my undergrad program. ive always tried my hardest to understand minority communities that i am not a part of, without overstepping and seeming like a white knight/savior. i have always been guided through life by my ethics and a burning need for social justice. i want to fix this!

i was really pissed off yesterday and used more aggressive language in my posts and replies. today my head is clearer but im just as confused. i never expect minorities to do the emotional labor of researching topics for me and handing everything over on a silver platter. i will gladly educate myself, but i cant do that when i don't know what i did wrong. this isn't a situation where i did something clearly wrong and there's an obvious gap in my understanding - ive asked multiple friends where they feel i went wrong, and all of them have said they aren't sure

one very kind person messaged me about how, from an outsiders perspective, they were reminded of other situations where autistic people have their words or actions purposefully misinterpreted, and that seriously opened my eyes. OBVIOUSLY im not saying this person is accusing me of antisemitism because she hates autistic people. but i have often experienced people purposefully misrepresenting me and getting mad without explanation. everything starts out good, great even, and i build a script with which to interact with others. but eventually, you get very comfortable and stop following a script, start to unmask a little. and suddenly all hell breaks loose.

you're not acting right. you said the wrong thing. who would say something like that? so inappropriate. and when you ask for clarification because you genuinely do not know what you did wrong, all you receive are eyerolls and more hate because you should already know this, im not gonna spoonfeed everything to you. you're an adult figure it out yourself.

like i said, i don't think she's, like, hating on me for being autistic. i think ive gained a certain reputation (of what i don't know) in the shameless fandom, and people are projecting their preexisting judgement into me. this means that they don't actually want me to apologize. they don't care. they think i am already not a good person and just want to point that out to me to shame me into saying sorry because they think it'll knock me down a few pegs. whatever. my real offline life is much worse than getting mildly ganged up on on the internet. ill survive. i still want to finish my mickey embroidery and my edits/webweavings and my fics. maybe i will, maybe i won't. like ive mentioned many times before, i have pretty bad rejection sensitive dysphoria and i need to be reassured i will get feedback on my works before i ever post them. my fics were already being ignored by most of the big fandom writers - i think those will just have to be scrapped because i genuinely cannot take hollowing out my chest and putting it to paper only to get a few nice comments/kudos. the embroidery though, that's for me. i definitely wanna do it. the other original posts like webweavings, idk maybe i really don't know

[castielsparkle]

hi actually im gonna ramble abt whats going on in this art under the cut Because i Realize my art is very. vague in presentation and also so busy.!!!!.!!!!!!

SO. weve got jesus dean/virgin mary dean in his robes w a singular man tear.... top surgery scars cas has rebuilt him.... upside down hands in a prayer position holding his gun (that he chose!! self expression HIS GUN!!) and the whole. tali faithdeans inspired me w their amazing john is his god and loading gun is prayer ohhh..... also callback to my own webweave here about john is god etc,!! also around deans halo there r four stars and then another one star on the other side bc 4x01 ehehee,, and cas is placing his hand over his shoulder to rescue him and pull him out of there...!! theres a sword w a blunt end because as much as they want him to be the sword they want him to kill and hurt he Doesnt to the Best of his abilities, and therefore, a blunt sword.!! and the enochian around it reads mercy & love, D.W. also theres a halo around cas' sleeve hehe. then theres fire around the top right emerging from johns journal which is covered in johns eyes and text that says yed (reflected writing order to the rest of the text) and then formations of ocean waves/clouds coming from the bottom left, putting out the fire but also like the lyrics say abt nearly drowning etc etcc, and then also the angel wing of castiel shielding dean from the flames of perdition/john/johns obsession w making dean his child soldier and his white whale bullshit w 'avenging mary' which. Lol. anyyways!!! cas met dean when he was a sinner in hell.... his past life felt like a thriller cool action movie ... almost drowned hes not a good swimmer he never learned how to help or save himself........ he helped him escape from [wendy williams voice] THE KILLER .!!!

hope that makes sense somewhat LOL<3 i tried ehhee

☆You stay on my mind every night til' the afterlife

[hermitcraft9]

clingyduo and drifting apart

a friend, sue zhao / a reminder, @/peonygent / ? / a friend, sue zhao / ? / @/fridayiminlovemp3 / a friend, sue zhao

[roseblings-moved]

renchanting + death

hannibal 02.01 kaiseki, via bryan fuller // harlequin and death, konstantin somov // spirit touch part two, holly warburton // king and lionheart, of monsters and men // lord of the rings: the return of the king, dir. peter jackson // little women, dir. greta gerwig // romeo and juliet, william shakespeare // protomammal thrinaxodon and amphibian broomistega preserved in the same burrow, vincent fernandez // ghosts of right now, dillon samuelson // the amber spyglass, philip pullman

[sugarsaws]

if I have to be an object, let me be an object that screams -- webweave of art piece ‘can’t help myself by’  sun yuan and peng yu and quotes from Água Viva by clarice lispector quotes from “Watching Can’t Help Myself is like looking at a caged animal” by christine bax, “What is the ‘Can’t Help Myself’ art exhibit going viral on TikTok?“ by georgina smith, and the museum page for the art piece itself written by xiaoyu weng photo ids: 1. “I haven’t been human for a long time. They wanted me to be an object. I am an object.“ 2. “ the robot’s continuous action elicits a sense of voyeurism and excitement, as opposed to thrills or suspense. In this case, who is more vulnerable: the human who built the machine or the machine who is controlled by a human?” 3. “ An object dirty with blood. An object that creates other objects and the machine creates us all. It makes demands. Mechanisms make endless demands on my life. “ 4. an image of a black mechanic arm, not human looking but the type they use in factories. it’s in a white room, caged in glass, and there’s a blood red liquid surrounding it as it tries to sweep all the liquid towards itself. people look and take pictures. 5. “‘Can’t Help Myself’ is a piece by Sun Yuan and Peng Yu that was commissioned for the Guggenheim Museum, and was first installed in 2016.The exhibit features a robotic arm placed behind clear walls, whose sole purpose is to contain a deep-red liquid within a certain area by scraping it towards itself. As a result, the red liquid gets smeared and splattered across the walls and floor.” 6. “ But I don’t totally obey: if I have to be an object, let me be an object that screams.“ 7. “ The robotic arm doesn’t just work – can’t help myself, as the title says – but interrupts its labor by shaking its ass, by waving at visitors, by performing a ‘twist’, ‘scratch an itch’, ‘bow and shake’, ‘jazz-hands’ or a pirouette.” 8. “Watching Can’t Help Myself is like looking at a caged animal” 9.  “ Observed from the cage-like acrylic partitions that isolate it in the gallery space, the machine seems to acquire consciousness and metamorphose into a life-form that has been captured and confined in the space. “ 10. “ But tears aren’t there in the machine that is me. I’m an object without a destiny. I’m an object in whose hands? such is my human destiny. What saves me is the scream. I protest in the name of what’s inside the object behind the behind of the thought-feeling. I’m an urgent object. “

[howldean]

𝐨𝐧 𝐚𝐩𝐫𝐢𝐥 𝟐𝟕𝐭𝐡, 𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟏, 𝐢 𝐰𝐚𝐭𝐜𝐡𝐞𝐝 𝐬𝐮𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐧𝐚𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐚𝐥 𝟎𝟏𝐱𝟎𝟏 "𝐩𝐢𝐥𝐨𝐭" 𝐚𝐧𝐝, 𝐰𝐞𝐥𝐥, 𝐢𝐭 𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐰𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐝𝐨𝐰𝐧𝐡𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐟𝐫𝐨𝐦 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞...

six months later, i'd finished the show, joined stan twitter, and had finally succumbed to the superhell side of this hellsite; i wrote fanfiction, leaned to make amvs, tried my hand at edits, and aus, and doodles, and webweaves, and— holy shit was it fun

to recap this wild, wild year:

𝐟𝐢𝐜𝐬 the jukebox hero!verse // stanford era deancas // ao3 - Oh, Baby [time stamp] Even in Darkness // deancas fantasy au // ao3 - Surely Never Shaken [prologue] pinkie promise // deancas ficlet

𝐚𝐦𝐯𝐬 castiel // i lived dean winchester // yellow [yt] tfw // crab rave dean + charlie // hard times deancas // arms of an angel godstiel/deanmon // hallelujah #13YearsOfCastiel // here comes the boy

𝐞𝐝𝐢𝐭𝐬 𝐧' 𝐝𝐨𝐨𝐝𝐥𝐞𝐬 cas' wings :D scoobynatural deancas trueform!thoughtform!cas // ophelia wall-enatural!dean [context] cas's plumage // i'll just wait here then cas' geometric trench coat aaron bass faith // foreigner's god faith!dean // take me to church

𝐠𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐬 𝐢 𝐡𝐚𝐝

garthculing: fitzgerald friday + garthed! + fingers in my mr fizzles + screenrant slander and the rise of garthboy canonically fixing canon (15x19/20 meta) WALL-ENATURAL "babygirl" dean obtaining plushie dean deancas @ bobby's cas soup deancas(sie) parallels cas in the empty comws 1.6 times a day

𝐢𝐭'𝐬 𝐣𝐚𝐧𝐮𝐚𝐫𝐲 𝟐𝐧𝐝, 𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟐, 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐫𝐨𝐚𝐝 𝐬𝐨 𝐟𝐚𝐫...

in all seriousness, despite the fact that 2021 was one of the loneliest and lovesick years of my life, i owe a lot of the happiness i did find from meeting y'all. this is the best (and worst) fandom, and i adore so much of the community that i've been introduced to. my mutuals, my oomfs, the people i follow, my twitter (derogatory) friends, my discord buddies, ALL OF YOU

thank you.

thank you so, so much for giving me the honor of getting to know you, and goof around with you; i can't wait for another YEAR of this madness, and i can't wait to keep on going

[timothylawrence]

do you wanna do an Auggie webweave👉👈

Dennis Nurske / Katrina Julianne Scott / Nicole Krauss / Shearwater /Bojack Horseman, Raphael Bob-Waksberg

Image Description below the cut.

IMAGE ONE: [A quote by Dennis Nurske. It reads: In the park the child says: Watch me. It will not count Unless you see. END ID]

IMAGE TWO: [A painting done by Katrina Julianne Scott that features a wolf painted with various vibrant colors. It's eyes are black, the snout and lips defined by the black outline. The various shades include red, blue, green, black, and yellow. Each colors pulls outside to the right hand side, the wolf is snarling with white teeth and looking forward. END ID]

IMAGE THREE: [A quote by Nicole Krauss that reads: I want to say somewhere: I’ve tried to be forgiving. And yet. There were times in my life, whole years, when anger got the better of me. Ugliness turned me inside out. There was a certain satisfaction in bitterness. I courted it. It was standing outside, and I invited it in. I scowled at the world. And the world scowled back. END ID]

IMAGE FOUR: [Song lyrics by artist Shearwater that reads: I see you never lay the gun down, only child. You live your life behind a window, only child. And as you barrel down a bloodline, only child. END ID]

IMAGE FIVE: [Screencaps from the show Bojack Horseman. The main character Bojack is standing to the center of the screen. He's a brown horse with a black mane and a white diamond on his snout. He is dressed in a gray suit jacket with a white undershirt and black tie, standing beside a coffin in a funeral parlor. The screencaps read: My mother is dead and everything is worse now. Because now I know I will never have a mother who looks at me from across the room and says 'Bojack Horseman, I see you'.. END ID]