#trauma fuckin fried my brain

[antisocial-cvnt]

🖤

trauma actually ruins the brain bc of shit like short term memory loss + being on survival mode constantly like always being in a rush. and like im not even stressed or in fear but im still always in a rush. trauma RUINS lifes and makes lifes harder. i have forgotten my passwords to my old emails/paypal b4 and now i lost fuckin my wallet. i take it out my purse ONE TIME and lose it. the good news is that its IN the house i took it out my purse inside the house to NOT lose it outside thats the reason why i took it out my purse so it wouldnt be lost outside so its not completely lost but its still stressful not being able to find something important as your wallet.

[hkpika07]

Don't worry CT!Gordon, my Gordon has no idea how he became a dad either. He was in denial for over 50 years.

@bruhstation I hope you enjoy! I've been wanting to draw Gordon meeting Gordon for a while. I love your art it always hits me directly through my heart and I end up as a pile on the floor.

[mememanufactorum]

Badger’s Best of 2022 sentence starters

* FEEL FREE TO SHARE AS YOU PLEASE, NO CREDIT NEEDED. CHANGE PRONOUNS OR ANYTHING ELSE AS DESIRED.

* All lines are from this video made by content creator TheRussianBadger.

“I didn’t come here to fuckin’ read!”

“I will carpet bomb your house.”

“No, we’re not going in the direction of ranch.”

“I don’t want to see another video of [name] killing a wasp with ranch dressing.”

“Fuck you, you’re going to the ranch dimension.”

“It’s Ezekiel torn, the Lord is coming back for us. Take me, God!”

“What alcohol do you think [name] would drink? 100% malt liquor.”

“Pass me that travel size Jack Daniels.”

“Yeah, I cleared the house. Off the fucking map.”

“Doctor tried to give me Tylenol instead of percs so I punched him in his fuckin’ face.”

“Your voice is so bassy that my subwoofer keeps shaking my entire fucking wall and I’m scared.”

“You smell like fuckin’ beans, dog.”

“What did I just hear? That doesn’t even sound like an insult.”

“Hey, fall over, break your neck. It’ll be funny.”

“You deserve a bullet.”

“How about you immerse yourself in a shower, bro?”

“I might be 29 years old with dementia, ‘cuz I forgot entirely what the fuck I was gonna say!”

“You did not find your jaw under your bed.”

“The tooth fairy should give you a Dodge Charger if you put your jaw under your bed.”

“Kentucky is literally just farming coal, fried chicken, and horses.”

“Physics wasn’t lying, that particle can exist upon observation.”

“If I hear another ‘swas’, I will fire my Kar 98k into oncoming traffic.”

“I’m showing these mortals what’s good.”

“Even your exhale was autotuned.”

“You sound like a Decepticon charging up.”

“That’s not the pitch moving, that’s just me existing.”

“Yeah, this is going great. Suck my fucking dick.”

“The ocean is a soup. Well, it’s filled with microplastics, so I hope you’re hungry.”

“I hit critical mass, bro. My computer just died.”

“I don’t see how you can hate from outside of the club. You can’t even get in.”

“Michael Jordan’s classic punchline when he sunk it from three: Shabingus.”

“What the dog doing? Literally crushing an entire metropolis.”

“My wife is the greatest, I really love her. First thing I hear? ‘Cringe’.”

“Parry this, you stupid fuckin’ lizard.”

“I land an 86-hit combo, he hits one haymaker and I just fuckin’ DIE?”

“Go left, you fuckin’ rat.”

“Why are you giggling like a goblin?”

“The rule of God is incoming.”

“Now I know what you meant by ‘the blast radius is YES’.”

“I rob literally everyone I know on purpose.”

“You can’t call me mommy either. You guys are fucking weird.”

“I’m not even shooting that guy, that was so impressive.”

“My brother in Christ, you are witnessing our extinction.”

“That’s him, officer, he wasn’t using the Wii wrist strap.”

“That is, like, the ultimate form of spawn camping.”

“Yeah, because we can barely fuckin’ hear you. Shut the fuck up.”

“That shit was actually giving me a headache a little bit.”

“You are blind in your left eye, don’t talk to us about not having RGB.”

“I’m blind in both eyes, don’t feel bad.”

“Your cat stole your radiator? How does a cat steal a radiator?”

“Nah, bro, he do be certified in HVAC.”

“If you don’t like the dollar fifty hot dog at Costco, you belong in a jail cell. I have nothing else to say to you.”

“I pour the milk, I pour the cereal, and then I get out the bowl.”

“It don’t really matter which one’s first. The bowl is last. Everybody knows that.”

“Blunt force trauma to the head is what killed the very hungry caterpillar?”

“You just made me uncontrollably sneeze.”

“I did not stand a chance. The game was rigged from the start.”

“The fucking brain on this kid!”

“When vehicles are the only thing tethering you to the earth.”

“This silence got me fucked up.”

“Damn, that’s sad as hell. You gotta light up your dinner with a BIC?”

“Nah, it’s been going good these last few months, I got a fourth lighter.”

“I take some chicken noodle Campbell’s soup with me, right? I stick it in the fire and I let the ash get in the soup, and you mix it around, and, I swear to God, it makes it taste better.”

“You know what I do? Not fucking that.”

“That just woke me out of my nap, bro. That brought me to reality.”

“Turn that bullshit channel off, bro, I’m trying to go back to bed.”

“I will fucking kill you if you change the hot dog.”

“It’s really funny when you have to explain what Hamburger Helper is to your wife. She does not understand what it is.”

“Y’all be eating? Shit, I’m over here just breathing, that’s all I get. Good old bowl of air soup.”

“I’m pretty sure [name] had to pay his rent with beans this month.”

“Yeah, I’m gonna go drink a gallon of rat poison, I’ll be right back.”

“I’m about to turn you into a fucking Hot Pocket.”

“That lizard took one sip of the McDonald’s Sprite and I was DONE.”

“Why do you laugh like a fucking hyena?”

“Did someone just say unemployment rate falls to zero when you commit genocide on a fucking planet?”

“You can’t glass a fucking planet and say ‘I did it because it solved the unemployment problem’.”

“I now understand why he’s so pissed, bro. That motherfucking bird was outrunning his ass for YEARS.”

“I would be so pissed if all I heard every day: ‘MEEP MEEP’.”

“Make it make sense, dude.”

“Y’all gonna kill me the way y’all talking, bruh.”

“What about that... Mother-motherfucker 43?”

“Ah yes, the ultimate trait in a sniper rifle: A glaring lack of accuracy.”

“You zigged when you should have zagged, my boy.”

“Head empty, only bullet.”

“Give me all the flash grenades you have.”

“Bitch, I’m back out my coma.”

“I am not accepting that reality.”

“Google’s gonna call you an idiot like the fucking computer from Courage.”

“Why am I getting in trouble for speaking the truth?”

“He’s already in jail for second rate shaboingery.”

“Are you talking about the kid that actually went to jail for shaboingery?”

“Imagine being brought in on felony tomfoolery charges.”

“I will admit I was fully aware and cognizant of what I was doing. This was not an accident.”

“You know [name]? He’s allergic to water, dumbass was a fisher for eight years.”

“He’s allergic to water? How? He IS water!”

“Damn, that’s pretty hydrophobic of you. Why would you say that?”

“I need you to put ONE BALL in the hole and you couldn’t land shit!”

“Y’all the type to put fifty dollars down for that stuffed animal, huh?”

“For a second there, I became that meme of that dude sitting in a fast food restaurant just glowing orange.”

“You can’t say the word ‘hamster’ without laughing. ‘Hamster’ is a real word.”

“You’re going to heaven, big boy.”

[yanderecandystore]

If you are a fuckin dumbass clap your hands 👏

If you are a fuckin moron clap your hands 👏

If you make them wait for you, for more than a year, if you just suddenly disappear clap your hands 👏👏👏

 It's been WAY TOO LONG OH MY GOD- How do you guys put up with me Jesus Christ.

 The last time I've talked about what was happening in my life I've mentioned that I just started working and trying to rebuild a social life, I also mentioned in one post how I got sick for a week or two I think- So I want to explain that part of the reason for me not writing anymore comes from the fact that my work exhausted me to oblivion.

 I realized that kids were just a lot harder to work with than I anticipated and that I didn't want to stay my whole life working in the daycare because I started to pick up on my … Very unhealthy habits of coping.

 So I recently quit, because my contract actually didn't seem to have a limit (I was so hoping it would have ended sooner but I'm glad I stayed longer, lmao I need money-). And I feel a lot better now, I'm not joking when I say that I actually got sick from work (the many times I got sick and couldn't do anything, were because of me being stressed, I no joke didn't notice this until my doctor pointed it out to me that I shouldn't be coming to see her with so little time in between meetings 💀)

 The other reason is that I started writing and drawing for a webcomic I wanted to make about Brazilian magical girls with a fairy theme- And I felt conflicted whenever I tried to write for both my blog and the webcomic (I'm sorry I'm a one minded person, because if I try making more than one thing my brain fries 💀💀). Which by the way, my job made me give up on that too, like I know jobs are not supposed to be fun, that work is hard and oftentimes we'll be tired- But I never felt more soulless than at that time.

Another reason was that Tumblr kinda took a lot of space in my phone so I had to uninstall it and using it's website mode is just 🤺🤺🤺

 I've been going to therapy now, to deal with my said unhealthy "coping habits" which I don't want to specify because you guys don't have to be burdened with that (also because it can be triggering to some), dealing with past trauma and how I can heal from it has been wonderful and to be honest I really do want to continue with the blog, but I have to be honest here: I'm a huge procrastinator when it comes to writing, I try to multi write (like multitask) different requests and fanfics at the same time- And that doesn't work for me 🤡

 So. My writing will probably be very slow, and again I'm sorry for everyone who sent asks LAST YEAR (I'm so sorry I'm not even joking like seriously that's so fuckin mean and I didn't mean to do that I just suck at doing tasks ;-;).

 I hope everyone is doing well, to everyone new I'm sorry you have to get to know the author by this way lmao, and I hope you're having a good day as well.

🍭꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍮꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍰꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍮꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖🍭

[eusuntgratie]

favorite fic you’ve ever written?

-🦢

omg hi swan i think you are my first emoji anon; i'm stoked. unless this is some reference that flew over my head (hah) and i'm supposed to know who you are but i'm too tired. don't be mad; tzp fried my brain today it's not my fault.

THIS IS FUCKIN HARD.

if i don't let myself obsess about it my current favorite is probably forgive me, father a priest/demon monsterfucking hockey rpf fic that i wrote for the sidgeno spookyfest exchange this year. i loved writing it, even though it really challenged me. it was the first time i'd written anything like that, and the first time i let myself really poke at some my catholic shit/trauma/experience in my writing. it's a very niche fic but i'm really proud of it <3

sorry if this was a traumatizing answer as i have no idea which fandom(s) you follow me for 😐

[tteokdoroki]

## new file ! -> birthday boy blowjob.

— re: denki kaminari.

— a/n: happy denki day best friends, i threw together this little last minute thirst for the bday boy because i love him so bad !! i hope you like the new way i set out drabbles? im just trying it out and if all goes well, and you guys like it i’ll keep it!! also thanks to @bakugous-trauma for beta reading !!

— cw: smut, mdni 18+, blowjobs, fingering ( reader receiving ), mentions of alcohol and smoking weed, face and throat fucking, cum facials. reader has no pronouns but female anatomy is described.

— wc: 1.3K

all denki kaminari wanted for his birthday; was some good fuckin’ head.

sloppy toppy, messy, slobbery, good old head.

but his darling baby was too focused on hosting the party of the year— inviting all of his pro hero friends from high school; ashido, kirishima, sero, bakugou, midoriya— the whole lot, in fact the entirety of class one A was on the guest list to their humble abode. kaminari didn’t care for the parties, he didn’t get shit faced drunk like he used to and you wouldn’t let him light a joint in the million yen house he’d bought you anymore...so all he wanted was your sweet lips wrapped around his cock and a good fuckin’ nut to call it a day.

“but muffin, we’re always celebratin’ my birthday— right there, denki— yur always spoilin’ me, can’t i spoil you?” you’d cooed to him just nights before the big day, while his fingers twisted inside your hot cunt and his amber flamed irises focused on the way your tits bounced when you thrust your hips up to match his pace.

forgoing making you cum on his electric digits, denki had spun you onto your tummy— groaning at your fat ass bouncing all for him under the moonlight before he’d pulled your cheeks apart to slap his buzzing, leaking tip against your entrance. “don’ wanna party sunshine, just this sexy fuckin’ body, that maid fit of yours ‘n a bottle of—ohfuckyou’retight— and a bottle of wine…”

kaminari thought that if he’d fucked you hard enough, fried your brain just enough to make you sleepy as he pounded away at your sweet pussy— you’d forget the party and he could coax you into a night in with him. and you’d been so good too, cumming for him till your clit was numb and you were slurring like a drunken sailor but you still had the audacity to ask him what kind of cake he wanted while he cleaned the white seed from between your sore thighs.

he might as well have chosen vanilla.

so here he is, days later with a pleasant buzz to the back of his head— the man of the hour with kirishima’s heavy arm over his slender shoulders and bakugou giving him the noogie of a lifetime— so hard he might have created a bald spot in the sea of denki’s electric blonde locks.

“get any birthday sex yet, man?” kirishima garbles over his fifth shot of liquor, provided to him by one of his old friends.

kaminari shakes his head, swaying as bakugou lets up and the music pumps through his veins. “no, ‘m dying dude…”

the electric pro hero’s gaze lands on you— hosting his stupid fucking birthday party, greeting guests and chatting with his old friends and god, the way your lips move, lined with his favourite shade of ruby red, is driving him insane even from across the room. he sees you shiver under his sunlit gaze, watching you suck the sugar off of your finger as you line the rim of shot glasses with it. denki can’t wait anymore.

but the party can, it is his birthday after all.

so he grabs you by the wrist, yanking you from the kitchen to the bathroom on the ground floor and locks the door sharply behind him. “honeybun—!“ you squeak as your lover shoves you harshly to the floor, tile scraping against your bare knees, body shaky with adrenaline.

“m not finishing off my twenty-seventh birthday, without your lips on my fuckin’ cock, sunshine,” kaminari all but whines, the belt of his pants already clicking as it comes undone. his dick twitches behind fabric boxers as you roll your eyes and settle back on your knees, mouth instinctively dropping open for him— tongue out flat and fuck if denki kaminari had blown out his birthday candles already— this view would have been exactly what he wished for.

kaminari could cream himself right there and then from the obedient simper you let out when he finally lets his cock free— standing tall and proud, clear beads of precum oozing from his bright red tip— letting him slap it against your cheek. he can see the saliva pooling on your strawberry tongue before he shoves it into the warmth of your mouth, heavy against your tongue and stuffing it full.

you breathe through your nose, tickling his pelvis as his hair brushes against your chin. denki’s hands find the roots of your hair— tugging you into his awaiting hips and forcing you to suck on his pretty cock like a pacifier, salty precum spreading across your taste buds. when he moves, you gag like a pretty angel, throat contracting to accept more and more of his girth.

denki is longer than he is thick, and you do such a good job at leaning up to take him down— swallowing around his shaft and your pretty eyes crossing with how full you feel. “this is what i wanted honey,” he tells you breathily, leaning back against the bathroom door with a soft groan. what a fucking view you are, beginning to bob your head, smearing your lipstick with mixtures of precum and your saliva— even as you struggle to take him down. “didn’t want this stupid party, wanted my dick down your throat— wanted you chokin’ on me just like this,”

the party booms outside of the bathroom, drinks and music alike flowing but all that denki can hear is the wet sounds of you lapping at his dick, and your mouth occasionally dipping lower and lower to suck on denki’s balls, weighty with cum— sending him into a flurry of shudders and colourful curses as you palm his slick shaft. your bambi eyes start watering with tears when your mouth moves back onto him, lips ascending over the thick vein on denki’s underside and ruining the pretty makeup you’d done for your boy’s day.

mascara trickles down your face, kaminari’s hips chasing the relief he’s been craving all night, strings of spit and precum sliding from the corners of your mouth and swinging from your chin with every movement your boyfriend makes to fuck your face. you grip his muscled thighs to steady yourself, feeling electricity crackle every time denki thrusts into your fleshy cheek. you pinch him for air but your mouth feels too fucking good to let you breathe.

pulling you off of him by the hair, you choke as the air fills your lungs and oxygen crawls back up to your brain. you already know what he wants, sticking your tongue out again for him to slide his shaft across until the dam in his belly finally breaks. “baby...b-baby love,” you hum, as best as you can, watching eagerly for the glaze that falls over amber eyes as denki uses you for his own pleasure, vibrations stringing his cock. “they’re gonna be cutting the cake soon—“

“fuck the cake,” kaminari slurs, dizzy and unsteady on his own two feet from how addicting fucking your face feels— he can feel the pleasant buzz in his head stretch across all the limbs in his body, a tingling sensation forming in his toes as his belly burns bright with desire, his release creeping up on him just from slapping his messy lipstick stained dick against your tongue. “gonna make a mess of your pretty face, gorgeous, cum so much it cakes all over this pretty face, mmm fuck.”

and who are you to deny the birthday boy, who plunges balls deep into your mouth at slow intervals? his cheeks rose tinted turning bright red, golden eyes watering at every lewd slap of his balls against your chin until suddenly, globs of his warm and musky seed hit your face in warm droplets, kaminari palming himself to release as hot white pleasure flashes through him and his body haunches weakly over yours.

denki grins at you lazily, your face a vision now loaded with his cum. “happy birthday, sweets,” you mumble to him with a hoarse voice, licking up his release that’s smeared against your lips.

“hell yeah, happy birthday to me indeed,” the electric blonde heaves, dropping to his knees with a hand still at your roots as he coaxes you into a sloppy kiss— tasting his cum still sitting on your cupid’s bow.

[strangerthings4theories]

Mirror Images: Billy And El Are Reflections Of Each Other

As you read this post, hold the following concepts in your mind: yin and yang in Chinese philosophy. The Light Side and Dark Side in Star Wars. The real world and the Upside Down in Stranger Things.

That, my friends, is the level of thematic significance the Duffers are giving Billy and El. And it’s my top reason for believing Billy will come back.

Why?

El is arguably the main character of the show. Any character who’s linked to her so profoundly will be a Big Fuckin’ Deal.

You cannot, CANNOT, create such a consistent dynamic by accident, which tells me that...

...the Duffers have huge intentions for Billy. He will become more significant to the show, not less! If you think he’ll return just for flashbacks or memories, you’re not thinking big enough.

Buuuut I’m getting ahead of myself. First let me show you what I mean when I say Billy and El are mirror images. It’s pretty mind-blowing...

1) The broad strokes of Billy and El’s lives echo each other: their family backgrounds, their traumas, and their journeys in the show.

>>They’ve suffered under abusive fathers. In fact, in S2 they have encounters with their fathers in back-to-back episodes - El with Brenner in episode 7, Billy with Neil in episode 8. 

Both fathers are likened to the Mind Flayer in the power they wield over their children. In episode 7, El’s hallucination of Brenner tells her she has a “wound... growing and festering” (my paraphrase), a clear reference to the tunnels of the Upside Down. Kali, as the creator of the hallucination, is trying to tell El that he is the source of the wound, and El won’t heal until she’s confronted him. 

In episode 8, the title card “The Mind Flayer” opens on Neil driving back to the Hargrove house, implying he’s the real Mind Flayer in Billy’s life. As I’ve argued elsewhere, Billy won’t heal either until he’s confronted Neil.

>>Billy and El lost their mothers because of their fathers. Brenner fried Terry's brain with electricity for daring to defy him. Billy's mother left for an unknown reason, but we’re led to believe she couldn’t take Neil’s abuse anymore. The way she's presented in Billy's memories leads me to believe she has since passed away.

Billy and El are both devastated by their losses. When El tells Billy at Starcourt, “[Your mother] was pretty,” she’s trying to tell him she understands.

>>Billy and El have “adopted” sisters, Max and Kali. Max represents Billy's better nature; Kali represents El's darker nature. In the same season where Billy constantly insists Max isn't his sister - thereby rejecting her - El finds Kali and embraces her. This symbolizes Billy and El’s complementary journeys: Billy is learning to accept his light while El is learning to accept her darkness.

>>Billy and El are wounded and angry because of what’s happened to them. In S1 El worries she's a monster, and in S2 she nearly kills a man in her anger, only to stop herself at the last second (against the wishes of Kali, her darker nature). Billy lets his rage define him. He's turned into a bully over his teen years, and in S2 he nearly kills Steve. Max (his better nature) stops him.

>>Billy and El are viscerally connected to the Upside Down.

The Upside Down is pursuing El. We’re not sure why yet, but their predator/prey dynamic is the main source of conflict in the show. Brenner says to her in S1, “It [the Upside Down] is reaching out to you ‘cause it wants you. It’s calling you. So don’t turn away from it this time.” His words form the backbone of the narrative:

In S1, El opens the first Gate, introducing the Upside Down to our world and setting the events of the show in motion. At the climax, she defeats the Demogorgon, the Mind Flayer's first servant.

S2 deals with the evolving consequences of El opening the first Gate. At the climax, El closes the Gate (symbolically “turning away" from the Upside Down) and catches the Mind Flayer's attention in the process.

In S3, the Mind Flayer comes after El to kill her. She runs from him, and her friends intervene to save her.

In future seasons, the Mind Flayer will regroup and try again but to corrupt her this time, not kill her. The climax of the entire show will hinge on the resolution of their conflict. El will be forced to stop running and face the Mind Flayer head-on.

In S3, Billy is caught by the Mind Flayer and turned into his instrument to hunt El down. This creates a yin/yang situation where Billy and El are revolving around each other, with the Mind Flayer in the center pulling on them both. At Starcourt, El saves Billy's soul by bypassing the Mind Flayer completely - building “the rainbow bridge.”

If you remember that Brenner and Neil, their abusive fathers, are likened to the Mind Flayer, their interaction becomes the story of Billy re-enacting his trauma, and El helping him heal it.

2) Runaway Max gives us a special case of Billy and El mirroring each other.

In S1, one of El's biggest moments happens in episode 6. Mike and Dustin have been cornered by the bullies Troy and James. Right when all hope is lost, El shows up and breaks Troy’s arm. After that, she confesses tearfully, “The gate. I opened it. I'm the monster.” This brings forward her inner struggle - am I a monster for the things I do? - which she will no doubt revisit in future seasons.

Keep in mind that Troy is around 12 years old, and El breaks his right arm.

Jump forward to S2. At one point, Billy complains, “Yeah, we're stuck here [in Hawkins]. And whose fault is that?” - implying it's somehow Max's. She disagrees. “Yours,” she mutters under her breath.

In the show, we never get an explanation. Runaway Max tells us everything.

Back in California, Billy is spiraling deeper and deeper into a pit of rage. One fateful afternoon, he takes it out on Max and her best friend Nate, a 12-year-old boy. When Max resists him, he seizes Nate's right arm and twists it behind his back. He holds it there, watching Max.

“What are you going to do?” he asks, a crazed look in his eyes.

When she does nothing, he breaks Nate's arm.

The fallout is catastrophic. Within weeks, Neil decides they should all move away from California for the good of the family.

Now think about this. El breaks a 12-year-old boy's right arm to save her friends from bullies. Billy breaks a 12-year-old boy's right arm... because he is the bully.

It’s part of the wider pattern: El is light, Billy is darkness.

3) The Duffers use physical markers to underscore Billy and El’s similarities.

>>When the MF wrecks Billy's car, Billy's forehead smashes into the windshield, leaving a gash. At Starcourt, he slams El into the wall, giving her a wound in the same spot. Thematically, their wounds tell the story of Billy suffering abuse, then turning around and inflicting it on El. He’s perpetuating a cycle, and it’s up to him to stop it.

>>Both Billy and El are limping by the time they reach Starcourt. El's leg is injured from the Mind Flayer, while Billy injures his in the car crash. These wounds tell the story of El, the “innocent,” suffering pain through no fault of her own while Billy, the “guilty” one, is being punished for his crimes. (I put those words in quotes because I believe the show will challenge our assumptions.) 

A sad footnote: El has Max and Mike to help her walk. Billy has no one.

>>In S2, Billy gets a nosebleed out of the same nostril as El. This says a LOT, marking him as a future “superhero” and putting him in the same class as El, Kali, and El's mom Terry.

Off the top of my head, only two other characters get nosebleeds, Mayor Kline and Steve. But the blood never comes cleanly out of one nostril the way it does with El. I believe that was a purposeful design choice to avoid muddying the symbolic waters.

...

Y’all, I’ve already hit my picture limit for a single post, and I’m not even done yet :p So I’ll stop there for now. Eventually I’ll show you how El is connected to the Demogorgon in the same strange way as Billy.

You see what I mean though? There is no fuckin’ way Billy is dead for good. Why would the Duffers give him this much resonance with El, then drop him? 

It makes no sense.

If you ask me, they’ve got plans for our boy. World-altering plans. He’s not just coming back; by the end of the show, he’s gonna be a Big Goddamn Hero.

»»————-　✼　————-««

Billy Is Alive - A Meta Series

[magical-agatha]

got triggered by someone being into me on tinder girls. well i say that but i swiped right on her when i never should have had the app installed. im not ready for that even remotely. bc like, she seemed rly cool, and like whatever. but i dont think i was attracted to her and i think i was pushing myself to give her a chance when i shouldnt have installed that app. i wasnt looking for a date or a relationship or anything like that. just. idk. for some reason my horny fuckin brain convinced me that seeking out a fwb was a good idea. but i have, SO, much trauma. and do i even actually want sex?? bc i dont think i do. i think my hormones want sex. i want, attention, happiness, chemicals in my brain to reward me. bc nothing feels good anymore except attention. peak fucking anhedonia. im scrambled. just so much. i need therapy that im not getting. i need to leave the house and do things. and i need to figure out how to like. enjoy things for the sake of doing the thing. but my brain is fried and its rly hard to do that and basically all pleasure is fleeting and the middleground doesnt exist. the exception is quality time with my gfs and friends. that usually feels rly good. but then thats attention. idk whats wrong with me or what im supposed to be doing lol. im rly silly lol. i rly like, retraumatised myself again. i want a bath... i want to go swimming.....

[tedbundysgurlfriend]

You know what’s fuckin wild? My mental health has always been like. Pretty bad.

But I feel more evened out now.

Like, my BPD and mania and deep depression and head splitting anxiety attacks that caused me to be in a state of disassociation and PTSD for most of my childhood and adolescence is actually really calm lately.

And I’m not on meds anymore. Which is not to say I’m being a no-med-Nancy “brain chemistry purist” asshole, I’m just saying that I never thought I (personally) wouldn’t need them.

I’m just as emotional as ever, but being in massage school has given me a much needed energy channel for my insecurities and suicidal ideation. I actually spend more days wanting to be alive than not wanting to be alive.

But sometimes I desperately miss the relief that my own brain fog gave me. I wonder if there’s ever going to come a time when I’m okay with being okay 100 percent of the time.

I feel like I’m not being real sometimes. Like, there’s a part of me that feels like I’m not honoring who I truly am. I’m neurotypical enough to not cause any commotion. I’m still self destructive, but it’s quiet. It’s not deadly. It’s infrequent. It’s not planned. And usually when whatever wave I was on passes it’s gone without a second thought.

But that statement alone is alarming to most people. I’m almost envious of what it must be like to not have lived life in a trauma-fried brain. Some part of me wants to never wants to pass as completely functioning. Because no one ever noticed growing up. No one ever gave my depression a second glance, because I was dutiful in keeping up pretenses. And that kid inside me is still pissed. And she doesn’t want to calm down. She doesn’t ever want me to forget what it felt like to be abandoned by everyone around her. And I want to heal that wound but I don’t know if I’m ready to let go of it yet.

And I hope that by acknowledging this kind of shit means that I’m still getting better, and not spinning out emotionally in a long ass tumblr.com blog entry, that thankfully will be seen by approximately 5 humans and 10,000 porn bots.

[bugs-b-clownin]

Interacting with people you don’t agree with by just yelling vitriol and saying they’re stupid is not a great way to deal with your various mental illnesses. Why not focus on things you actually like?

ooh yuh baby I'm spitting phat vitriol all over you by Standing Up For My Right To Exist Freely With Human Rights lol. also was the various mental illnesses comment necessary?? yeah baby I'm mentally ill. do you know why?? do you wanna know why???

because. and this is true. as a trans person who came out as a kid, I have faced so much BULLSHIT. that it fucking broke me down mentally as a baby. I was so suicidal by 13 you'd have no clue, and it's cause of people like you, babes!! rehtoric like yours KILLS people like me. as BABIES. I have irreparable brain damage because of the trauma I had to go through because of transphobia. I will never hold stable jobs or relationships because my brain has been fuckin fried.

so yeah pardon me for being a tad bit angry in the internet lol