#trapeze artist!roger

[srgntjamesbuckybarnes]

The List (1)

Summary: When a hit list spreads around New York, Bucky’s ex-wife is the only one with any information.

Rating: Mature

Pairing: Mafia Bucky Barnes x Ex-Wife Reader

Warnings: None

Word Count: 3.1k

A/N: Not Beta’d. I was going to conclude this with an actual ending, but it was getting long so I’ll let the readers decide how it ends. If enough people are interested, I might do a part 2. Comment if you want a part 2.

Series Masterlist

Chapter 1

Rumors spread through the underground of New York like the plague. Four murders of New York's most elite in the past 72 hours. Floating around the city was a list of names, a hit list for anyone involved with the mafia. Bucky was no stranger to a threat on his life. Being a mob boss, he constantly walked a thin line, a trapeze artist always one slip away from falling into the hands of death. Bucky had the resources and power to not be taken out so easily. If his name was on the list, he’d be toward the end, but no one knew home long the list was or who was on it. His team had spent the past 3 days searching the city for any information on the list. He had to know who was on it.

“Mr. Barnes, sir,” Peter Parker stammered, catching his breath in the doorway. Peter was a prospect, a good kid with a good head on his shoulders. Bucky couldn't understand why such a gifted kid was so eager to join the mob. Regardless, Bucky couldn’t be happier to have such potential, but the kid picked the wrong time to join them. “We have a lead.”

Bucky’s head snapped up from his desk. He had been engrossed in his own research on his laptop that he had forgotten about his men’s quest. Peter’s spine went rigid under the mob boss’s intense stare. He had yet to get used to it. Peter was certain that was why Bucky’s right-hand man, Steve Rogers, had sent him to retrieve Bucky. Well, that or it was part of Sam Wilson’s attempt at a joke to haze the new guy. Either way, Peter had been a fan of Steve growing up. Steve usually was the face while Bucky worked in the shadows, which only made Bucky more intimidating to Peter. He respected Steve though which is why he found Bucky without hesitation.

“Follow me, sir.”

Standing abruptly, the chair Bucky had been sitting in crashed into the wall behind him with a loud bang. He smoothed his rough palms down the front of his pristine white shirt before straightening his black suit jacket. Without a word, he extended his hand behind Peter, encouraging him to lead the way.

Peter anxiously peered over his shoulder the entire way down the hall. He thought he might have been walking too fast, but Bucky’s pace never faltered. Bucky was hot on his heels, always one step behind him. Stopping unexpectedly outside of the boardroom, Bucky hissed nearly crashing into the teen. Before Bucky could reprimand him, Peter explained, “Before we go inside, Steve told me to give you a message.” Bucky’s shoulders relaxed a bit leaving Peter relieved his boss wasn’t going to chew him out. Still, his own dress shirt began to cling to him with the amount of sweat he was producing. Bucky may have relaxed a bit, but his posture was always disciplined, predatory, and intimidating.

“Spill it out,” Bucky huffed, his hands resting in the pockets of his slacks.

Rubbing the back of his neck, Peter nodded, “Right, um- He said don’t do anything stupid and that we need her.”

The jaw of the boss twitched before he stormed past a confused Peter. His hands pressed into each of the double doors using his full force to slam the doors wide open. All eyes snapped to Bucky as he strode into the room, confidence and determination oozing off of him. Peter ushered in behind him, awkwardly failing to close the doors several times before succeeding. A string of apologies escaped his lips as he stepped further into the room. The serious look Steve shot Peter had him clearing his throat and adjusting his dress coat.

Sam and Steve stood side by side on one end of the room, their arms crossed. They were cautious, guarded rightfully so. Any one of their lives could be on the line. For all they knew, everyone in the room was on the hit list. Spying the woman sitting at the middle of the conference table, Bucky stalked across from her. With his eyes trained on the floor, he dragged the chair away from the table but made no move to sit down as he stepped up to the table.

When his eyes met hers, he puffed out his chest. His arms remained at his sides, his hands burrowing in his pockets. Without so much as a greeting, Bucky began his interrogation, “Who created the hit list.”

The woman raised an eyebrow, a frown etched on her crimson-painted lips. “Right down to business, huh Buck?” A smirk replaced her frown. “I should’ve known, you never were one for much foreplay.”

Bucky pressed his tongue to his cheek. He had expected this, her teasing. It was always a dance between them, one he wanted to avoid by cutting to the chase. She always knew how to rile him up, in more ways than one.

“Princess-”

‘No,” she stopped him with her hand raised, “you don’t get to call me that anymore.”

Bucky snorted, leaning forward, “Isn’t that what you are now?”

“Who is she?” Peter attempted to whisper to Steve, but everyone heard him.

Taking pity on the clueless teen, Sam answered, “She’s Bucky’s ex-wife, Y/N.”

Ignoring the other men, Y/N flashed her diamond engagement ring at Bucky. The light reflected off of the ring making it impossible to miss even from where Steve, Sam, and Peter had been standing.

“That title is pending, followed by queen,” she sassed.

It started out as a term of endearment. Y/N always had a taste for the finer things in life, Bucky’s lifestyle satisfied that craving. He enjoyed spoiling his princess, but that was all she would be. A princess, someone no one would take seriously. It had been an ironic twist of fate that she had met an actual prince after her divorce from Bucky.

Examining the rock on her finger, her signature red nail had been replaced by a nude shade. She was no longer accepting his blood money; she had a good man and clean money now. His eyes traveled back to her face, zeroing in on her red-painted lip. Her hands may be clean now, but her lips were still tainted. The secrets she could talk about his business alone could ruin him which reminded him of why she was here in the first place.

“Who created the hit list, Y/N,” he tried once again to control the conversation.

Pursing her lips, she let him.

“I don’t know,” her gaze dropped to the table, “but I know who has it.”

Finally getting somewhere, Bucky reached back pulling the chair behind him. Once he was seated, he snapped his fingers. Not a moment later, a pen and paper were placed in front of him.

“Give me a name,” Bucky demanded, pen in hand.

Y/N raised her head, the man twirled a pen between his fingers tempting her to sign a deal with the devil. Shaking the image from her head she placed her hand over his, ceasing his movements.

“It’s not that easy. He won't meet with just anyone.”

“He?” Steve asked.

“In case you haven’t noticed, Bucky isn’t just anyone,” Sam called out.

Y/N rolled her eyes, “He may very well be suspect number one. It would be bad for anyone to meet with Bucky alone.” Feeling Bucky’s hand turn beneath her own she went to pull away, but he grabbed her hand.

“What about a future queen?”

Eyeing him beneath her lashes, Y/N pulled her hand back to her chest. Noticing the hesitant look on her face, Bucky leaned back in his chair. He wasn’t a fool to think she was here willingly. She wanted something; she needed something.

Crossing his arms across his chest, Bucky asked, “What do you want?”

Thumbing the ring on her finger, she contemplated lying. She didn’t want to need Bucky, but she did. One look at Bucky and she knew he would see through any lie she would come up with, so she told the truth, “I need protection.” Suddenly she felt exposed with everyone's eyes on her. “If my name is on the list,” her voice shook. She wasn’t Bucky’s dirty little secret. People knew she was his wife, well ex-wife. She had ties to the mob and if her name was on the list or if her fiancé found out, the engagement would be called off.

After a long pause, Bucky spoke, “Get me access to the list and let me worry about the rest.”

Relief flooded Y/N. He could have turned her away. He could have blackmailed the information out of her, but he didn’t. Bucky was a rough man, but he was also kind. She had seen it first-hand for many years. Guilt ate away at her for her earlier actions. He knew she had been engaged but she didn’t need to rub it in his face. She wanted to hurt him but only because he had hurt her. A small part of her hoped he would protect her not because he was kind but because he still loved her.

Y/N was able to request a meeting with the man not even 24 hours later. His assistant had sent her an invitation, but it wasn’t for what she had been expecting. Instead, the man had invited her to a gala. He was a businessman after all, and her appearance would be good for business. At a time when she should be laying low, she was about to attend a high-press event.

It wasn’t long after Bucky was notified that he insisted he escort her. Y/N protested but he had argued that he couldn’t protect her if she was dead. That had convinced her, on one condition, they arrive separately. She was still engaged.

The event was beautiful but high glass windows had Y/N on edge. Anyone could see her. She tried to distract herself by searching for the host. There were so many bodies and no sign of the man who had invited her. In the middle of her search, a hand circled her wrist tugging her in the opposite direction. Y/N began clawing at the man’s wrist, an attempt to pry him off. When he stopped and spun around, she crashed into his chest. With her face in his chest, the unmistakable scent of expensive cologne hit her. She shoved his chest putting enough distance between the two.

“Bucky,” Y/N hissed, “you’re supposed to be laying low.”

Surveying the crowd, Bucky muttered, “I am. It’s you who is running all over the damn place.”

Y/N shook her head glaring at him. Not only did he smell good, but he looked good too. He had shaved since she had last seen him. He had traded in his white dress shirt for a black one, forgoing a bow or tie. The top button of his shirt was open, relieving his collarbone. Instead of drooling over her ex-husband she continued to glare at him. It was easier to hate him than to pine over him.

“If someone takes pictures of us together and my fiancé finds out-”

His cerulean eyes shot down to meet her eyes, “Where is he anyway? Shouldn’t you be asking him for protection? Surely, he has the resources.”

Y/N froze, her hands clutching the sides of her silk gown. “He doesn’t know,” she mumbled, then her voice grew. “He doesn’t know about the list, my past, or about you.” Bucky’s eyes softened. He had his doubts before, but he was certain now that she wasn’t happy. He wanted to gloat, to rub it in her fiancé’s face. He knew Y/N better than her fiancé did, and even better, she wanted to tell him. Bucky wanted to make a joke about how keeping secrets in a relationship was unhealthy, but he kept his mouth shut. Y/N sighed, running her hands down her dress to smooth out the wrinkles she had created. “He’s out of the country right now.” Her voice was barely above a whisper as she wrapped her arms around herself. His gaze dropped to the floor, but Bucky’s remained on her.

He recognized a lonely soul when he saw one because he was one himself. His lifestyle left few people he could trust. He hadn’t always been lonely though, and neither had she. Bucky’s hand twitched to reach out and hug her, but he didn’t think she would appreciate that with cameras around. He took in her appearance and couldn’t help the squeeze he felt in his heart.

“You look beautiful.”

A giggle escaped her lips, “Thanks, Buck. You don’t look too bad yourself.”

He had meant to cheer her up, but her giggle was unexpected. He missed it, he missed her. Everyone he knew in the mob lifestyle had died in the mob. It was poetic in a live by the sword, die by the sword type of way. No one got out, but she did. With his status, he’d never get out and a selfish part of him wanted to pull her right back in.

“You got out, you got away from the life,” Bucky hummed, admiration in his voice, respect.

Y/N shook her head. “No, I just got away from you.”

It was his turn to laugh, “Now if that were true, I wouldn’t be standing here with you.”

Y/N’s heart skipped a beat. I am standing here with you, not you are standing here with me. He meant it. Even if she was here because of him, he was here for her, to protect her. He put her first.

“You of all people know once you’re in there’s only one way out.”

That was it for Bucky. He wasn’t pulling her back in. She never left. They might have been divorced but they had both meant it on their wedding day when they said, “Till death do us part.” Bucky’s calloused hand cupped her jaw just below her ear, pausing. She didn’t push him away. With both hands, she cradled his jaw pulling his face down to meet hers. Their lips brushed one another, slowly at first, testing the waters. Then his other hand slid up the length of her neck, sliding back to tangle his fingers in her hair. It was a dance they were all too familiar with.

The flash of a camera penetrated Y/N’s eyes beneath her closed lids and it was like pouring a bucket of cold water over her. Quickly, she pulled away shoving Bucky’s chest when his lips tried to follow her. She was fucked, royally.

“Y/N?”

Wiping her smudged lipstick, she ignored Bucky’s lingering gaze before turning to face the new voice. A woman in a blue silk dress approached the pair.

“Virginia?” Y/N asked.

The woman waved her hand in the air. “Please, call me Pepper. We spoke on the phone yesterday. Mr. Stark is ready to meet with you. Follow me.”

Without looking back, Y/N followed Pepper through the crowd. She knew Bucky would be right behind her. She would deal with him later. Right now, she needed the names on the list. Upon their arrival, Pepper exited the room, pulling the door shut behind her. On the other side of a glass desk was one of the wealthiest men in the world, Tony Stark.

“Did I interrupt something?” Tony asked eyes darting between Y/N and Bucky. “I swear there wasn’t so much tension before you two walked in.”

Y/N sent him a tight-lipped smile holding up her left hand. “I’m engaged.”

Tony shrugged, “What you do is none of my business. Besides, something like this would be published on the front page.” Y/N’s stomach dropped. “You know what they say, all press is good press.”

“Says the man with a new woman every week,” Bucky grumbled.

Tony smiled. “Precisely, I would know.”

“Mr. Stark-”

Tony loosened the bow tie around his neck. “Call me Tony.”

“Tony,” Y/N corrected, “so you know anything about a list?”

With a raised eyebrow Tony laughed, “If it’s a list you want, I suggest you talk to Pepper. She handles all of that stuff.”

“Not just any kind of list,” Y/N took a step forward, her hands clasped in front of her, “a hit list.” From this distance, Y/N couldn't miss the way Tony’s eyes shifted to Bucky.

“Are you looking to assassinate anybody?”

Bucky held up his hands, “I’m just looking to protect the people I care about.”

Y/N stood still, watching the intense stare-off between the two.

Eventually, Tony sighed, “I don’t want to be in the middle of any of this.” He tapped a few keys on the computer on his desk before turning the screen. “You better get out of here before your fiancé sends someone.”

“What?” Y/N gasped, blindly clutching Bucky’s forearm beside her. Both of their names were written in green on the list. Beneath them were some of Bucky’s most trusted men; their names written in white.

Tony leaned back in his chair. “Green means active. You’re both next on the list and judging by the number of cameras here, someone probably already knows you’re here.”

“You knew,” Bucky growled.

Tony barely flinched. “Your names weren’t active until recently. Other people’s lives are on the line. I can’t get to everyone in time.”

“Wait, why would my fiancé send someone, he’s not even in the country,” Y/N asked, trying to wrap her head around everything.

Tony frowned. “Your fiance is the one who put the hit list out. What better alibi for your significant other’s death than being out of the country at her time of death.”

Y/N would have collapsed if it wasn’t for Bucky’s quick reflexes. He wrapped an arm around her waist, supporting her weight.

“Why?” Y/N whispered wide-eyed.

Bucky wanted to drag her out of the building toward safety but was there even a safe place? People already knew their location.

Tony shrugged. “The New York mobs aren't the only mobs out there. They're all over the country, they're in other countries. There are some real higher-ups in the mafia in other countries. The mafia controls everything, it's one of the most powerful positions. Take out other mobs and you can control more area, more power.”

Y/N felt sick. When she said you never get out once you get in, she hadn’t realized how deep she was in life now. Turning to Bucky, he was already on his phone typing. “Bucky, we need to go.”

“No. I text Steve, he’s rounding everyone up. They’ll be here soon.”

Tony’s eyes widened, his eyebrows reaching his forehead. “You can’t be serious. There are cameras everywhere. This will be plastered on every news station.”

Bucky shrugged, lifting the back of Y/N’s hand to his lips. He pressed a gentle kiss to her knuckles, a quiet promise to protect her. “All press is good press.”

Next Chapter

[sebeth]

Who's Who In The DC Universe #2: Bat-Mite, Batwoman

Bat-Mite by Marshall Rogers

A pint-sized imp from another dimension

Claims to be the greatest fan of Batman and Robin, comes to Earth to watch his idols in action

Loves to use his powers to complicate matters for the Dynamic Duo

Forever being ordered back to his home dimension by Batman, like a bad boy being sent to stand in a corner

Bat-Mite is a silly character that mainly appeared in the Silver Age. He did have a mini-series in the New 52 era and has made a few appearances in the various Batman animated series. If you don’t mind an occasionally silly Batman, Bat-Mite can be a fun character. If the “Dark Knight Strikes Again” Miller-Batman is your ideal then Bat-Mite is not the character for you.

Batwoman by Dick Giordano

Kathy Kate was a circus stunt-cyclist and trapeze artist. She later became a socialite and owner of a circus.

A longtime admirer of Batman, Kathy decided to become a costumed crimefighter after she received a considerable inheritance.

She had a mansion constructed atop an abandoned mine tunnel and built her own version of the Batcave.

Often partnered up with Batman and Robin

Kathy’s own niece, Betty, developed her own costumed identity as Bat-Girl

Katy had counterparts on Earth-One and Earth-Two – their careers were mainly identical except for the endings

On Earth-Two, Kathy retired and remained a prominent citizen of Earth-One

On Earth-One, Kathy retired and bought a small circus to keep herself occupied

She was later murdered by the Bronze Tiger in a struggle between Ra’s Al Ghul and the League of Assassins

Kathy Kane is one of my all-time favorite characters and my 2nd favorite love interest of Batman (Andrea Beaumont is my number one Batman love interest).  Was she a silly character? Yes, in her late Golden Age/Silver Age appearances but it was a rather overall silly time for DC Comics. She is the first heroic female Bat character as she debuted in the 1950s and Barbara Gordon wouldn’t debut until the late 1960s. Loved her rare Bronze Age appearances. After Kathy’s death, her time as Batwoman was erased in the post-Crisis but Bette kept her role as a costumed adventurer as Flamebird. Kathy -as Batwoman – made an appearance in one of the Kingdom one shots. Batman sees Batwoman and says “Kathy?” so he retained some memories of her costumed identity.

As for Kathy’s death…she was essentially stuffed into the fridge.  In Detective Comics #485, Batman visits Kathy’s circus and helps her fend off attackers. A second wave of attacks separates the duo and Batman later finds a deceased Kathy clutching her Batwoman costume. Ra’s Al Ghul arrives at the circus and informs Batman that Kathy was killed by the order of the Sensei of the League of Assassins and that Ra’s was the one who sent the note warning Batman of Kathy’s upcoming assassination. Batman questions why the Sensei would consider Kathy a threat and Ra’s tells Batman it is because he told the Sensei that Kathy was a threat. The Bronze Tiger is implicated to be Kathy’s murderer.

We don’t receive a reason for why Ra’s went out of his way to have Kathy assassinated. The only reason I can head-cannon relates to Ra’s obsession to have Bruce as an heir. Around this time there were four main love interests of Bruce: Selina, Talia, Kathy, and Silver St Cloud. Was Ra’s eliminating a possible romantic rival of Talia?

The aftermath of Kathy’s murder received some attention in the Ostrander’s Suicide Squad series – mainly in Bronze Tiger’s attempts to break the League’s brainwashing and his attempts to remember if he killed Kathy.

Kathy frequently married Bruce and was the mother of his son in “imaginary stories” (Elseworlds) from the Golden/Silver Age.

I was so excited when Batwoman was rumored to return in the 52 serie and was so disappointed when it wasn’t Kathy. (Not that I don’t like Kate, I simply wanted the return of Kathy).

Grant Morrison brought Kathy/Batwoman back during his run on the Batman titles and she also featured in the Grayson series. I don’t know if she’s made appearances since the Rebirth era but I’m always up for more Kathy.

[thepadawancollector]

Felix Silla started his career in the circus, but is best known from television's The Addams Family as Cousin Itt, a costumed character. Itt was only in one of Charles Addams original comics and his demeanor was created for the show. The character's voice was provided by series director Nat Perrin and Anthony Magro.

Silla featured in the Star Wars film Return of the Jedi as one of the hang glider Ewoks.

He was also a voice artist on The Sims 2 video game.

Felix Silla was born January 11, 1937, in the small village of Roccacasale, Abruzzo, Italy. He trained as a circus performer and came to the United States aged 18, in 1955, touring with the Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey Circus. His multiple talents as a bareback horse rider, trapeze artist, and tumbler brought him to Hollywood, where he became a stuntman, appearing in the film, A Ticklish Affair.

His best-known roles include Litvak, the maniacal, miniature Hitler who menaces George Segal in film The Black Bird (his favorite role). He was also responsible for the physical performance of the robot Twiki in the TV series Buck Rogers in the 25th Century, a role for which the voice was supplied by Mel Blanc or Bob Elyea.

In part due to his short stature of 1.19 m (3 ft 11 in), he often doubled for children in such movies as The Towering Inferno, The Hindenburg, and Battlestar Galactica as well as Meatballs 2 as the alien. Between movies, he frequently appeared in Las Vegas and Reno, Nevada, night clubs with his own musical combo, The Original Harmonica Band.

[elliepassmore]

Revelle review

4/5 stars Recommended if you like: historical fantasy, 1920s, Moulin Rouge, insta-love I had a hard time getting into this book, but once I was 1/3 to 1/2 of the way through it, I became much more engrossed. I wasn't all that connected to the characters in the beginning and the scene introducing the characters to one another felt a little too much like Moulin Rouge. The magic system in this book was pretty interesting. Each family on Charmant has an inherited magical power. The Revelles can manipulate emotions if you provide them with a gem, which they draw the magic from until the gem crumbles to ash. The Chronoses, the family that runs the island, can time travel but age every time they do so. There are other families, such as ones who can heal and another who can read palms (or maybe just fates), but the Revells and Chronoses are at the forefront. The magic system is pretty well setup and has clear boundaries for what can/can't be done. Luxe Revelle is one of the narrators. She's a trapeze artist in her family's circus and the star of the show, a stronger magic user than most. She's the "Sabine" of the story, and is desperate to do anything she can to keep her family and their circus afloat. Over the course of the story, Luxe reveals herself to be more than the shallow star many seem to believe she is. In reality, the weight of her role and her own secrets have resulted in her drawing away from the people she was once close to. Despite that, she clearly loves her family and longs for the connection she used to have with them. Jamison is the other narrator and is an orphan desperate to figure out where he came from. He can be pretty judgy at times, which I didn't love. Jamison is someone who is looking for his place in the world and happens to fall somewhat in love with Charmant (and a certain Luxe). Frankly, I didn't love his chapters because there just wasn't a ton going on. I will note, Luxe and Jamison pretty much instantly fall in love with each other. At least Jamison has an excuse (i.e., Revelle magic), but another character mentions it should wear off pretty quickly, so it really is just insta-love. There were a lot of side characters. Luxe's cousins--Millie, Colette, and Roger--are some of the main side characters and I did enjoy them. While Millie might not understand why Luxe pulled away and Colette may be somewhat resentful that Luxe got the role that belonged to her, they both clearly care about her and are more than willing to help her out and reconnect when given the chance. Roger was quite funny, and protective, and I loved getting to see him interact with his family again. Trys is a Chronos and one of Jamison's friends (along with Roger), and is another side character who had particular spunk and whom I liked. Once I got past the beginning though, I couldn't help but be swept in by the plot. There was a sense of desperation from the Revelle family that kept the importance of Luxe's alliance at the forefront. Then there were all the mysterious things that kept happening. Jamison is also trying to figure out what happened to his family and where he came from, but that was honestly much less interesting to me than the rest of it. I liked trying to figure out what was going on and how the Chronoses had a role in it. There were a number of layers to the story's intrigue that kept me hooked once they started being hinted at. That being said, I feel like part of the 'twist' came out of nowhere. I'm fine with who the antagonist turned out to be and I'm find with their motivations, but the how of it isn't something I'm totally satisfied with. I feel like the author could've stood to hint at it more than she did (and maybe set it up in-world a bit more), just so that it didn't feel like it just got dropped into the story to make things work. Also...wtf was up with Jamison in the climactic scene? Again, it felt very random and like it was done because the author wanted things to work a certain way and accidentally wrote herself into a corner. Overall, I think this book is okay. It's definitely more interesting in the latter half, but it can be a bit of a struggle to get through the beginning. I do wish the characters and setting were more thoroughly utilized, as it stands, something just kind of feels missing.

[i-am-the-gay-shit]

for the circus! Queen can you do a description of what they would wear?? I can just imagine Brian in some fabulous leotard/catsuit !!

Let's see. Here's what I'm imagining:

Brian: in a black catsuit covering his neck, arms, and legs. It has a purple, cosmic like glimmer to it. But it glows in the dark, which is part of his act. It's mostly simple in the light, but once the lights go down its awe inspiring. Especially with how he moves his body.

Roger:

I saw this and immediately thought Roger. The silver and gold. The skin showing tastefully. Such an eye catching outfit.

Freddie: A simple tux and hat. But with his magic his Cape, coat, hat, and pants change colors. Black, red, purple, green. Any and every color. He can change the color with a snap of his fingers.

John: wears a plain white shirt and black pants. He also wears a vest and a fabric tied around his waist. The vest and belt change colors depending on performance. But he keeps himself simple.

[anika-ann]

My Timid Hello, My Clumsy Goodbye (S.R.)

Type: one-shot, canon semi-compliant?

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Barton!reader    Word count: 8900 (...sorry)

Summary: You’re spending the evening and the night before your wedding with the two most important men of your life.

When the sun rises again, you’ll say your ‘I do’ in a close circle of friends and family. It’s not a goodbye to your old life and it’s not a hello to some enormous change; but you will no longer be a Barton. You will be a Rogers. Why not reminisce a bit? 

Warnings: mention of an abandoned baby, blood and injuries, alcohol, implied possibly rougher sex (nothing graphic) ...mature?, language, so much sappiness... let me know if I missed any

A/N: For what-is-your-backupplan-today 10th anniversary of CA:TFA challenge. Prompts in bold. Thank you for coming up with this wonderful theme and hosting this challenge! Long live CA:TFA!

A/N: Throughout the fic, you’ll find snippets of lyrics from SYML’s "Everything All At Once”. Honestly, the song has a completely different meaning to me, but tearing it out of context works for this story just fine :) When you’re done reading, I recommend the music video. It friggin’ broke me in the worst and best ways. Enjoy!

This is my hello This is my clumsy goodbye I'm putting my glass down I wanna remember tonight

Tony rented an island for you. Clint nearly passed out learning about it and grumbled for days about having a hard time to top that, which, no arguing, was understandable.

It was an incredibly extravagant thing to do, throwing around money that could have been used for a much more honourable cause, but you couldn’t complain. One should not look a gifted horse into mouth – and so you didn’t.

Because Tony Stark renting an island was his premature wedding gift. The fact that your brother bitched about not being able to top that, well, that was his problem. You were certain that deep down, he knew you didn’t need any fancy gifts like that.

Then again, Tony’s gift might have been epically overpriced, but not exactly unthoughtful; along with a private island came a private jet and you being literally flied under radar so no single paparazzi knew where you and America’s golden boy Steve Rogers would seal the deal with your ‘I do.’ So, you were everything but ungrateful to your friend that he succeeded at pulling off such covert operation; and frankly, this place was nothing short of wonderful.

The golden sand was pleasantly warm under your toes as you as you and Clint walked towards the two single beach chairs facing the ocean. Wearing bikini under the baggy t-shirt and a pair of shorts, sunglasses on top of your head, because why would you deprive yourself the gorgeous view of the sun beginning to set down, you followed your brother – not in blood but in every other sense – to the seats, allured by the view, the serenity and the cold sixpack in his hand.

You had already had a traditional bachelorette party with your girls – with the team, with your family. Natasha, Wanda, Pepper, Sharon and Maria. The night had been the perfect blend of what was considered typically feminine, dress up, fanciness and wine and gossip, and a fun night out with shots, dancing, karaoke and pool. That particular night sadly was interrupted shortly by an annoying photographer, but he soon understood it was not very clever to annoy three and a half Avengers or the CEO of Stark Industries for that matter.

Clint however… Clint deserved a special evening with you. With the rest of the team in various state of chilling out, scattered around the luxurious small houses and gorgeous beaches, you two were left the privacy such moment required.

Even if the special moment consisted of simple talking and drinking beer while watching the sun set, a symbolic end of one phase of your life – a phase that was undeniably tied to the famous and yet barely known archer, one of the seven defenders who rushed into the Battle of New York to save the Earth.

One of the seven had been your brother, having previously been controlled by the monster who brought an army from outer space; there was no questioning whether you would join the fight or not, no matter how you preferred the latter part of your field medic job title to the former.

Another of these brave people, as it turned out, was your future husband. A man you had met for the first time that day, but whom you didn’t hesitate to push back down when he got hit by a freaking alien weapon and stood up, wanting to shake it off as if it was nothing. Your medical training told you not to let him; and your stubbornness had been just a touch stronger than his that day.

Apparently, Steve found you always standing your ground to be one of your most endearing qualities.

What a fancy way to express it instead of simply calling you a stubborn pain in his ass.

“You’re lost in your head, Twinkie,” Clint hummed, playfully nudging your ribs with an elbow, bringing you back to the present.

Your nose automatically scrunched at the childhood nickname.

“You gotta stop calling me that, Bobo,” you retorted, a grin spreading on your face as it was his turn to grimace.

You knew it was nothing but an act and that he in fact loved that nickname, because it held so much sentiment, so many memories… as did his endearment for you.

Bobo had been your first word or so Clint always claimed. Obviously, you wouldn’t remember.

You wouldn’t remember your parents, having been only two days old when your mother left you with a damn circus which was in your hometown at the time. You couldn’t recall how you wouldn’t stop crying until you heard a seven-year-old Clint humming a lullaby for you, with silly replacements of lyrics that always made you laugh later on when you could understand them.

How he started calling you Twinkie, because he was a sugar addict and apparently, you were sweet and small and he liked you; so much that he soon appointed himself to be your brother, your bro, your Bobo.

Once you were older and learned that your involuntary nickname for him also meant ‘crazy’ in Spanish, you were sold to that Bobo endearment forever.

Including the night before your wedding.

“You keep zoning out on me, Kid. Getting cold feet?” Clint hummed, casually handing you a can of beer, opening it up for you.

You automatically reached out and took a sip, eyes fixed on the warm colour on the horizon. What a ridiculous question… but kind and caring, with a hidden promise of getting you out of here if you just asked. Your amazing, protective, crazy brother.

You couldn’t but smile widely, glancing at him from the corner of your eye.

“You offering to kidnap the bride, Clint? I’d like to see you try. You were always better at trapeze than at being an escape artist.”

Clint scoffed. “Please. These are amateurs. I bet I could pull it off.”  

That drew a laugh from you.

“Are you calling the Avengers amateurs? Better yet, are you calling your wife an amateur?” you teased him, watching his face lose colour when he realized that he did exactly that. You leaned over and patted his thigh. “Don’t worry, Bobo. I won’t tell Nat.”

Clint visibly relaxed, but a shadow of worry twisting his expression.

“Seriously though. Where’s your head at, Kid?”

You just shrugged, smile resting on your lips as you wondered if you ever felt so relaxed. It went along well with the reminiscing of the past and despite the fact that tomorrow was a big day and you should probably be nervous, you weren’t. Not in the slightest, more like the opposite. You were giddy even; it dawned to you that nothing in your life had ever felt so right.

No moment in your life offered you such serenity to your heart, your shoulders free of any weight, body light as air.

“Just taking a trip down the memory lane. Thinking about how lucky I was to be dropped at your circus of all circuses of the world,” you grinned at Clint, your tone remaining completely serious.

Because you were being serious – words couldn’t express how grateful for everything that led to this moment you were. How grateful you were to your brother for watching over you, making sure you would always see the light of a new day, guiding you when you found yourself in a dark.

Clint didn’t react beside his fingers twitching and you knew he was giving you the chance to say what you needed to say.

“About how you taught me pretty much everything I know. About how while I might not be the best person in the world, my brother, who is the best brother ever, made me into a decent person and I owe him everything I am. And how I should probably feel guilty for tying myself to another guy who just swept in and whisked away your little sister.”

Clint stared at you, gulping as his eyes gradually filled with tears. You found yourself in a very cheesy moment, bordering on absurd and it was almost too much to handle – but Clint took a deep breath, cleared his throat and swallowed his tears.

“Well, that bastard did steal my greatest life achievement with way too little effort,” he remarked, voice cracking slightly, the image of him causing your eyes to burn as well even if his words made you both tear up and burst out laughing.

“Dammit, Clint, stop making me laugh and cry at the same time…”

“You started it!” he pointed his index finger at you accusingly, taking a large sip of his beer to drown his sentiment. “But for the record, you should not feel guilty. It’s not like you’re leaving me.”

“I know, but-“

“And if you were, you’d be leaving me in good hands.”

“That’s true, Natasha does have a grip on you and might keep you outta trouble-“

“She’s the one who gets me into trouble half of the time!” Clint cried out in protest and you would have argued if it wasn’t the truth.

But before he had met her, Clint was able to make up his own trouble just fine – he was more than half of a reason why while doing a bit of trapeze yourself, you also grew interested in medical care. Because who else than the little sister should treat her big brother’s wounds when he got too crazy?

“In all seriousness, I’m proud of you, Twinkie,” he said sincerely, one corner of his lips raised in a lopsided smile. “You’re entirely entitled to have your own life and if there’s one guy in this whole damn world I’m willing to trust to have you… well, I guess it’s that big blond dumbass.”

“He can be a bit dumb of ass occasionally, can’t he?” you mused lovingly. “I guess it’s right what they say… we do pick our partners similar to our parents, maybe not only in looks. I didn’t really have a dad, I had you, so…”

Clint sighed, smile widening, before it slipped from his face as he caught up on the not-so-hidden insult.

“Hey!”

You couldn’t but laugh at his shocked expression, accidently spilling a splosh of beer on the sand.

“Just… maybe make sure that even married, you still find time to hang out with your big dumb of ass brother every once in a while?” Clint suggested, sounding surprisingly vulnerable.

Your whole demander softened, a little pang of guilt stinging in your heart as he took your words too seriously – and at his worry.

“Clint… I will always find time for my amazing brother.”

“Well, you’re marrying a pretty amazing guy too, so, you know, I understand the dilemma…”

You snorted when he seemed to genuinely fawn over your future husband, shaking your head before downing the rest of your drink.

“As amazing as Steve might be – and gosh, he is, don’t get me started – you still own a pretty big chunk of my heart.”

“Good. You are a Barton at heart,” Clint hummed, pretending that a few tears didn’t roll down his cheeks, leaning towards you as his expression once again grew serious.

Your chest tightened. Oh no. He was gonna say something to make you cry too – as if you already weren’t at verge of crying, emotions bubbling under the surface.

“Clint-“ you warned him silently, but he spoke up anyway and you gulped, bracing yourself.

“Just… whatever happens tomorrow, you must promise me one thing. That you will stay who you are. Not a perfect housewife, but a good woman.”

That was not what you were prepared for, as touching as the sentiment was.

You burst out laughing, head thrown back, hands clutching at your stomach as it actually hurt with the sudden clench. Tears did spring from your eyes, a perfect blend of touched and infinitely amused at your brother’s words.

“Har, har, that’s what I get from trying to speak from heart…” Clint muttered grumpily and you willed yourself to calm your hitching breaths as you looked at him, the pout of his mouth causing you to cackle again.

“Sorry, sorry. It’s just… I am moved, I really am. Thank you. But me? A perfect housewife? And you realize I’m marrying Steve Rogers, right? The epitome of a good man? He would probably threaten to sock me in a jaw if I tried to change into something I’m not just for his sake and actually sock me in my jaw if I turned into a bad woman.”

Clint’s eyebrows jumped, a smirk appearing on his face. “That’s a lot of punching.”  

“My thoughts exactly,” you agreed, reaching for another can, pausing when a thought occurred to you. “Just so we’re clear, I might turn into a bit of a housewife when we have kids, alright? And I want to be a good wife, a good partner to Steve, which is what I’m trying to do even now.”

“I mean, yeah, sure, wouldn’t expect anything less. But… just promise me you’ll stay you and that you’ll keep giving him a run for his money, keep him on his toes a bit,” Clint shrugged with a grin, drawing another chuckle from you.

You saw his point – and you fully intended to keep Steve on his toes. You had a good reason to believe that your future husband enjoyed when you did.

“Oh Clinton… I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

He nodded contentedly, picking up another beer and raising it for a toast, his can clinking with yours.

“Cheers to that!”

A comfortable silence settled between the two of you then, a quiet joy wrapped in one moment; the sun ending its quest, the warm breeze in your hair, the waves whispering of a journey you were about to take off to. And all that with a wordless comforting presence of your family, ready to offer you a shelter if a storm rocked your boat and the wind caused you to lose course.

As your mind wandered, you had to laugh at yourself – it was almost as if you were raised by pirates and not circus performers. Perhaps it was the little bit of free cheeky spirit these life journeys had in common what brought the metaphor to your mind. It was a bit like working with the Avengers too, always on a road, adrenaline in your veins even as you mostly stayed on the jet, ready to assist them… yet here you were pondering that maybe, you were yearning for settling down a bit more.

“Cap wouldn’t punch you anyway, right?” Clint remarked, breaking the silence and you blinked yourself back into reality, taking a moment to figure out what he was talking about.

Oh. Right. Steve punching you if you changed yourself significantly for his benefit.

You smiled softly, heart swelling in affection when the answer to that question appeared obvious.

“No, he wouldn’t.”

“Good. He’d try once and I’d put an arrow straight between his eyes,” Clint promised darkly, almost causing you to choke at the sudden violent note. He quickly fixed it with a ramble, lightening the atmosphere yet again. “Minus training of course. He’s allowed to try in order to improve your hand-to-hand. Not that he would ever land a hand on you anyway. Always so soft on you…” he grinned, seemingly alright with that attitude if not slightly calling the big strong supersoldier out.

Oh you could be cheeky too alright if that was what your brother wanted.

“That you know of.”

A confused huh was the only reaction you got – that and a puzzled look.

“He’s always soft on me,” you repeated Clint’s words, turning to him, lips slowly spreading in a wicked smirk. “That you know of.”

Clint’s brows furrowed for a short moment and then his features twisted in a disgusted grimace, face growing a tint crimson.

“Gross!” he complained, more blood rushing to his cheeks. “You know what, I changed my mind. We’re leaving. You’re not marrying him. I’m kidnapping the bride and never returning her, locking her somewhere far far away-“

You snorted at his indignation, your grin undoubtedly battling the one of the Cheshire cat.

“No will do, Bobo. I’m marrying Steve and you can’t stop me.”

This time, Clint didn’t even protest, eyes misted over, nose still scrunched at the mental image, lamenting as the night slowly settled over the paradise-like island.

“Oh god, please help, I can’t unsee it, can’t unhear it--- ew-”

Your laughter was carried away by the breeze as Clint seemed to be unable to look at you.

You swung your beer around, thinking that yes – nothing quite ever felt so right as being here in this moment. Relaxing with your brother, teasing him relentlessly and counting down hours to when you’d say ‘I do’ to the only man who in your eyes ever battled the mantle of the best man in the universe.

In one unending moment You fall within my reach I'm close enough to whisper Hold on to me Hold on to me

You weren’t sure what time it was when you snuck into the beach house, one of few, which had been wisely chosen to be occupied by you and Steve only. You attempted to be quiet and liked to think you succeeded, in your even barely tipsy state, but your effort turned out to be in vain as you found Steve perched against headboard of your bed; reading a book, thin white t-shirt and sleep shorts on display as the soft sheet had been kicked away, scrunched up by his feet.

He was gorgeous – he was gorgeous and yours, a momentary picture perfect of peace, appearing to feel just as light as you did and somehow the dullness of the moment, just him relaxing in bed with a good read as you came home… it was more alluring than one would think.

Steve looked up from the book when you wavered in the doorway, soft lopsided smile spreading on his face.

God, that smile. It might be over two years since you saw it for the first time, but it could still make you weak in your knees.

And somehow, it was now even more charming now than the day you met, more tender than just before you kissed for the first time, sweeter than when he proposed.

“Hey sweetheart,” he greeted you, appreciative gaze roaming your figure and the little too much skin on display – something you regretted when the warm sunrays had bid you goodbye, raising goosebumps. And Steve, the attentive man he was, noticed, his smile earning a teasing edge. “You look a bit cold in there.”

You resisted the urge to stick your tongue out.

“And you look pretty cosy in there. Thought you’d be either asleep or with Bucky.”

Steve shrugged, not letting go of his unfinished chapter just yet, knowing you had a routine to go through before joining him.

“Maybe I missed you. Maybe Bucky is an old man and needs his sleep.”

You chuckled, not rising to the bait – you knew what would follow if you dared to say Steve was just as old. Not that you would complain about Steve trying to convince you about the opposite. You could never.

“Well, I bet he still made you a promise of breaking a bone of mine or two if I ever hurt you. He’ll find energy for that, centenarian or not,” you hummed nonchalantly as you bounced off the doorframe, heading to the bathroom and leaving Steve puzzled by your remark.

“How did you know?” he called out after you, endearingly confused.

“That’s what big brothers do, love!”

Short silence was your answer as you reached for your toothbrush and begun your nighty ritual.

Steve must have figure out what did it mean for him, considering you had a protective brother of your own, because a moment later, his half-amused “noted!” reached your ears.

You chuckled and shook your head, smile spread on your face which you didn’t think could be erased as long as you were in this paradise – free of worry, full of joy. And why wouldn’t you be? You were about to marry one of the smartest, kindest, sassiest and most beautiful men that ever walked the Earth. What was not to love?

You couldn’t but let your mind wander again; if you had only known the day you met, right from that moment, that you’d end up here…. well. It felt a little surreal, knowing that by this time tomorrow, you’d be Steve’s wife; then again, Steve’s life story was surreal enough on its own.

Who would have thought that the stubborn handsome man in the ridiculous suit and you, equally stubborn about you at least checking on the wound upon half-dragging him to a quiet corner in a middle of a battlefield, would grow so close?

It hadn’t been simple. Steve wasn’t the most open guy and while friendly enough, he wasn’t exactly offering his heart on his sleeve, not to strangers. But it hadn’t been too hard, once you were meeting on regular basis. Piece by piece he revealed his true colours and soon after he did… you started falling; hard and fast.

Not necessarily swooning, not on the outside at least; you were a professional, after all. The safety and the well-being of the team was your priority.

It was just too bad – or the best thing, you supposed – that Steve had the same goal as you with one significant difference; as far as he was concerned, the responsibility to look after his team sometimes excluded him.

Oh, was he wrong about that.

And boy, did you let him know you thought so. You still kept proving him wrong to this day and was planning on nurturing his own acknowledgement of his self-worth till your last breath…

“Get your ass in here, Steve!” you called out after him, slowly losing patience as you had tried asking politely the previous two times with no result but being dismissed.

The change of tone and language made his head snap to you from where he was talking to Sam, an offended scowl on his face.

“Excuse me?”

“You heard me, Captain. Don’t be a stubborn jerk and get your ass in here so I can clean your cuts.”

A few months ago, you wouldn’t have been able to talk to him like that; to the great legend, Captain America. At least you certainly wouldn’t have called him his first name and maybe, just maybe, you’d be a little less crass. But now? He might be Captain America still, a hero who deserved all the good things for the sacrifices he made for the world’s safety, but first and foremost, he was just Steve to you.

A colleague, a teammate, a friend. You might not be a part of the team per se, not the way Clint, Natasha or Steve were, but you still belonged. And you were all friends.

Friends irritated each other sometimes and frankly, Steve was often battling with Tony for the mantle of the most infuriating one.

Friends also needed to call each other out on their bullshit by any means necessary when the time was right and now the time was as good as any.

Usually, Steve slipped through your fingers, because he was a supersoldier and the others weren’t, so their injuries took precedence; today, it was only Natasha, Sam and Steve, and the captain was the only one whom you hadn’t checked yet. And you knew there were things to check, the trickle of blood from his eyebrow probably the least of your concerns.

“I wouldn’t argue with her, Steve. She can be pretty stubborn. Clint wouldn’t stop complaining about it,” Natasha supported you from the pilot seat and you fought yourself so you wouldn’t grin at her in victory – it would only irritated Steve further. “She’s almost as bull-headed as you are.”

At that, your smile would have slipped. But honestly, she wasn’t wrong.

“Don’t I know it,” Steve grunted, sparing Sam another glance and when the Falcon himself beckoned to you as well, wordlessly asking Steve to get himself checked up.

The captain sighed irately, but made his way back to the separate and well-lit space of your examination room.

He didn’t try to hide his annoyance – in fact, he squared his shoulders and his steps sounded a bit loud for anyone to believe it was a coincidence. Also, the scowl of exasperation never left his otherwise handsome face.

“This is completely unnecessary. A stupid waste of time,” he hissed as he walked past you and you took a deep calming breath, exchanging an eyeroll with Sam before you disappeared from sight.

“Captain. I respect you and your position, but you say one more time that my job here is unnecessary and stupid, you’ll be looking for a new medic,” you retorted as he stripped the upper part of his uniform angrily, revealing his white-tank-top-clad torso.

Well, at least the fabric used to be white – now a blood stain the size of both of your palms was seeping into the material at Steve’s right side, gushing from what definitely appeared to be a knife wound.

You were gonna murder him one of those days... unless he got killed himself first.

“Seriously?!”

“It’s just a graze-” he started to argue but you cut him off when you tore the fabric away. He winced as some of the dried blood had acted as a glue, having stuck the cloth into the wound, and now was violently ripped off.

“Tr to insinuate again that I’m incompetent at recognizing what’s just a graze, Steve. I dare you. This is a cut wide and deep enough for stitches! Haven’t you had the serum, you could have been bleeding out to death on this table!”

“But I do have it-“

“Or for fuck’s SAKE, stop being a baby and let me treat the bloody gash in your right mesogastric area! The serum accelerates your healing, but it doesn’t make you invincible OR immortal as far as I know--- Jesus fucking Christ-!”

He bristled, taking a deep breath to fight back, but he never got the chance, because you started working and the words died in his throat. Surprisingly, inspecting the damage, poking around a knife wound that might have already begin to seal itself thanks to Erskine’s formula but had not been just a graze hurt and coincidentally, it pulled the rug from under his feet.

To his credit, Steve barely even hissed at the pain.

“Just so you know, I’ll be using the disinfection that stings worse,” you noted, voice dripping venom, because you were genuinely done with Steve’s bullshit.

You lied through your teeth though. You wouldn’t. No matter how infuriating Steve was and how difficult he made your life – causing you to fall for his stupid martyr ass and pine after him among other things – you would never purposely hurt him.

And he must have sensed that, because your remark didn’t earn you a murderous glare or a retort – much to your surprise.

In fact, Steve fell entirely quiet, watching you work without protest, not even objecting when you applied enough local anaesthetic to knock out an elephant and sewed the tissue together so it healed easier. He let you inspect the rest of his torso and bandage his ribs, vigorously shaking his head when you asked him if he was injured anywhere below the waist.

He observed you as you kept an eye on his face for any minute sign of pain he’d be hiding, but all you could see were his irises, startlingly bright blue, pools of honesty and something you had trouble decoding. He seemed… humbled almost. It silenced the anger inside you, the flames of rage – and fear for his well-being, if you were being honest with yourself – turning into a barely smouldering pile of ash.

When you moved on to his head, gently pushing away the strands which obscured the gash on his eyebrow, his eyelids slid shut. You knew how unpleasant facial injuries were, especially around one’s eyes and so you took care to be extra careful as you cleaned the wound and the area surrounding it, most definitely not using the stingy disinfectant.

Not that Steve could get an infection as far as you knew. It was more force of a habit than anything else… and it made you feel better. He had this idiotic mask of an invincible hero he put up sometimes and it drove you insane, because you knew he was only human, a beautiful kind soul, but god, could he be an ass.

“Almost done,” you whispered soothingly when you noticed his jaw tightening as you had to apply a bit more pressure to get a tiny piece of gravel from the cut. You certainly didn’t want that to stay under the newly healing skin.

The moment you retreated with the bloody gauze, Steve’s eyes were back on you, wide and regretful.

“I’m sorry,” he offered quietly, a genuine apology that sounded almost absurd after you two were hissing at each other like damn hellcats. “I didn’t mean to--- I’m sorry for being rude and ungrateful. Thank you for taking care of my injuries.”

One glance into those deep irises and benign hesitant smile and you were done for. How could you stay mad at him? Well, you were still mad at him for the absolute disregard of his own health, but… well. You also understood he felt like he needed to stay strong for the team and put them first and how he actually was in pain.

Pretty much everyone was a pain in the ass when in pain.

You sighed as you searched for few band-aid strips to cover the cut.  

“It’s alright, Steve. I’m used to old men being grumpy and not meaning things they say when they are,” you offered lightly and he hung his head with a chuckle, clearly not taking the old man remark personally – and understanding you were referring to your brother.

His smile was wider when he looked up again. “You shouldn’t have to be used to it.”

You shrugged, carefully slipping two fingers under his chin to angle his face so you could stick the strips over the wound.

“Well, I deserve it sometimes. I don’t mean to… to be overbearing and make you feel like you’re incompetent or something,” you added hesitantly, worrying your teeth over your lower lip as the tone you’d been handling him with caught up with you. Perhaps you could have been nicer.

You smoothened the stripes of band-aid, gulping as you felt Steve’s gaze boring into your face while you continued.

“I know you’re not incompetent. You’re very capable, you’re the best. It’s just… I still--- worry- for all of you. For the full-time Earth’s mightiest heroes. Silly, huh?” you muttered self-depreciatingly and when your eyes met, you were startled by the intensity he watched you with as you laid your fears bare in front of him, leaving you vulnerable. You swiftly looked away and dropped your hands. “Here, almost as good as new.”

A lump grew in your throat as you stripped your gloves, tossing them into the bin. Did you reveal too much? Didn’t it sound silly indeed as you said it out loud? Yes, you were all friendly with each other, but you were supposed to be a professional, focused on your task, not getting distracted by-

-by Steve gently grasping your wrist, causing your heart to skip a startled beat. Definitely not getting weak in the knees when you shot him a surprised glance and he just… brought your hand to his face, lips briefly skimming over your knuckles.

Jesus Christ, Lord have mercy with me.

“Don’t you ever apologize for caring. Don’t stop caring. Silly is the last thing I’d call it.”

Your cheeks felt like set on fire, stomach fluttering as well as your heart. You could feel the ghost of Steve’s lips on your skin, sending your heartrate sky-high, causing your head to spin a bit, your body hot all over.

Did he really—did he just-? And did it mean that… did it mean anything at all?

He let go of your hand, thumb brushing over your knuckles, but held your gaze adamantly as he gave you a sad smile and rose to his feet, clearly ready to leave.

You, on the hand, stood there frozen, mind racing.

Why had he done that? Was he really just trying to express gratitude and say sorry for his previous behaviour? Because that was not the way it was supposed to be done, because such tenderness left you entirely bewildered. Was he trying to tell you he was somehow interested in something more than friendship? Was he just high from the anaesthetic, mind you, local one that was not supposed to mess with his brain? Was there any sign of a head injury you missed?

“Thank you, again,” he whispered softly, moving to sidestep you and your hand instinctively shot out, latching onto his forearm… gently.

You gulped, heart stuttering when he glanced at you, puzzled.

One part of you wanted to sink into the floor in embarrassment at your unwitting reaction. Another part of you observed him so closely that you would swear that there was another emotion in his eyes and it was neither apology nor gratitude. You wistfully hoped for longing, the same longing you felt when you were near him, sometimes distant and barely there, other times so acute it hurt.

With your stomach somersaulting in doubt, you willed yourself to raise your free hand slowly, purposely giving him a chance – Lord, please, don’t let him take it – to stop you before your palm settled on his cheek.

You were certain you experienced a small cardiac arrest when Steve not only didn’t avoid the touch, but actually leaned into it, gaze fixed on your face, eyes brighter and softer than you ever remembered seeing. Your gaze flickered to his mouth deliberately, throat turning dry. Too daring? He kissed you knuckles, surely you could reciprocate some affection?

Swallowing against your dry throat, you leaned in before you could change your mind and dropped the briefest peck to his lips, causing his eyelids to flutter shut.

Oh no. Oh no no no no, you totally crossed a line-

You went to retreat your hands from him, but the second you moved, his eyes were snapping open, hand covering yours on his face to keep it there, the other cradling your face and then there was a warm and soft sensation on your own lips as he seized them with his.

Your mind went completely blank save two single thoughts: Steve is kissing me. I really like that.

A small sound escaped you, a blend of surprise and contentment, breaking you from your trance and turning you into an actual participant of the pleasant and entirely unexpected activity.

You drew in a small breath, head spinning from the scent of Steve’s shampoo, disinfectant, sweat and something you couldn’t quite put your finger on and not caring.

He tasted faintly of blood, but otherwise was nothing but sweet as his lips caressed yours, gently tugging at your lower lip and then the upper, the lightest graze of teeth and tease of tongue, finger pressing into your jaw to pull you closer, thumb stroking your cheek.

You whimpered involuntarily when his lips parted from yours, soothing as they returned for a short peck, to drop a brief kiss to the corner of your mouth, to brush your cheek.

Your name was a breathy whisper between the two of you, barely audible as all you could hear was your heartbeat pulsing frantically in your ears, growing aware of your fingers clutching at Steve’s still unzipped armour and nearly sinking in his hair, his hot breath tickling your skin.

You didn’t dare to open your eyes – what if you dreamed it up? What if you looked at him and saw regret – it didn’t feel like he would be regretting it, but… still. Insecurity tugged at your mind as it slowly cleared from the literally breath-taking kiss.

Steve repeated your name with urgency that was unheard of, the single word sounding almost as a plea.

“Please say something.”

Oh.

You blinked your eyes open, surprised to be met with his searching gaze, a minute furrow of his brows. It seemed you weren’t the only one whose mind was being the worst of one’s enemies.

Perhaps your brain was being stupid. Perhaps you both wanted this. Perhaps you felt exactly the same.

As you forced yourself to move, fingers actually slipping into his hair to caress his nape, Steve inhaled shakily, shoulders slumping. The tinniest of smiles tugged at his mouth, tempting red and minutely swollen from the kiss; you had to resist the urge to just taste it again.

Instead, you licked your lips only, savouring the previous sensations, smiling unwittingly.

“That’s… uhm, that’s a really creative new way of driving me crazy.”

Steve’s eyebrows rose along with one corner of his mouth, relief written all over his face.

“Oh? There are other ways in which I’m driving you crazy? Because I couldn’t tell...”

You narrowed your eyes, but you didn’t think he bought you unconvincing act of being irritated with him at such remark.

“Don’t push it, Captain,” you warned him, but your treacherous mouth kept curling up in a smile, your body still buzzing with aftershocks of the kiss.

“Wouldn’t dream of it.”

“Uh-huh… s-sure,” you stuttered briefly as his thumb caressed your cheek, bright smiling eyes watching only inches from your face – and yet it felt like he was too far.

“You’re driving me crazy too, you know,” he noted in a breathy voice, causing you to gulp as his gaze flickered to your mouth, clearly implying how you do so… among other ways… like your stubbornness practically matching his.

“Oh really? I do? I couldn’t tell…”

He chuckled, his hand slipping to your nape, soft tickle of his fingers making you squirm.

“I’m gonna kiss you again now if that’s okay,” he whispered, not waiting for your permission and erasing the distance between your lips again.

Still, you whispered your approval to his mouth.

“So okay…”

Long moments later when Sam called out to warn you that you’d be landing soon, you said yes to the grumpy old man’s request to let him treat you dinner.

Oh if you only knew by then how far you’d come…

Lost in thought, goofy smile on your face, you exited the bathroom, ready to snuggle your future husband… and to fully take the opportunity to make love, last night before you officially became his and he became yours.

You had a brief second to register that the bed was empty, your heart skipping a started and disappointed beat. The second you stepped out though, you were literally swept off your feet.

A yelp erupted from your throat as you found yourself with no ground under your feet and high in the air, one of Steve’s arms under your knees, the other under your back. Your hands frantically gripped at the nearest firm point, Steve’s shoulder and arm as you finally realized what the hell happened and was met with a cheeky grin and sparkling blue of his eyes.

That traitor was waiting just by the door to ambush you! Why?

You slapped his very much bare shoulder playfully, hissing a curse, not unaware of the heat radiating of him and seeping into your skin.

“You jerk! You almost gave me a heart attack!” you complained, but he didn’t even have the decency to look apologetic.

“Sorry, sweetheart.”

“No, you’re not.”

Steve grinned wider, shrugging and pulling you closer to his torso, nuzzling your temple and dropping a placatory kiss there.

“Still looking a little cold.”

“No, I look like this because you scared me,” you emphasized, vainly trying to resist the seduction; a mixture of playfulness, sweetness and blatant display of strength as he still held you with ease. It was hard not to be temped. “And you look like you’re awfully warm, parading here without a shirt.”

“Well, I’d call us even since you’re parading around in these absolutely sinful shorts. Makes me hot. I can warm you up,” he mumbled to your skin, lips moving to your ear, causing you to shudder.

How was it so easy for him to make you all hot and bothered? You guessed that at least, as he said, it made you even... it wasn’t difficult to get him riled up either.

“You’re incorrigible.”

“Driving you crazy?” Steve offered, sounding awfully delighted at the idea and you only melted into him further at the reminiscence of your first kiss and what followed.

“Always,” you confirmed, deadly serious, but you couldn’t help the smile tugging at the corners of your lips or the mewl that escaped you when his teeth grazed the shell of your ear, warm breath tickling the sensitive skin of your neck.

“But you love it.”

“Uh-huh…”

“I can live with that with that then,” he said, stalking to the bed determinately. “Now let me drive you so crazy you can barely speak and the only sound you’re making is whimpering my name.”

He all but tossed you on the bed, a yelp of his name in fact erupting from your throat, followed by a fit of giggles that only died when his mouth seized yours, his lips only leaving when heading south to indeed drive you crazy.

And yes; you loved it.

And you loved him too.

In one unending moment I fall within your reach My song a sweet surrender Hold on to me Hold on to me

Before the girls could steal you from him, Steve decided – with your enthusiastic agreement – that you should once again try how it felt to make some morning lovin’ outside marriage. With the ceremony planned for the late afternoon, you had plenty of time; and needless to say, it was bliss. Then again, you believed that marital sex with Steve would be just as delightfully pleasant, thank you very much.

Then, it was a whirlwind – make up, hair, dress, a tear or two spilled when you saw the result in the mirror.

More tears spilled when you glanced out of the window and saw the tastefully and modestly decorated arch, the path created by few scattered rose petals, the male part of your almost family sans Clint in the suits, effectively hiding Steve from you; and you from his just in case, because no one wanted any bad luck.

Your staring was interrupted when your brother went to pick you up to lead you down the aisle.

Upon entering the room and setting his gaze on you, he promptly looked away with a sniffle. It both warmed your heart and made you laugh as did his remark.

“Nope, not giving you to him. In fact, I’m never giving you to anyone. No one will ever be worthy, so I’m keeping you.”

“Hush, Clinton, you’ll still have me,” Natasha winked at him as he took a deep calming breath before carefully eyeing you again.

Clearly, it hadn’t done the job, because few tears still found their way down his cheeks.

“You’re a knock-out, sis,” he sputtered hastily, but no less honestly – clearly moved to tears.

And yet… you snorted at his choice of words and he rolled his eyes, quick to compliment your beauty instead.

You wouldn’t have it any other way though, even appreciating his first remark more for it came from the bottom of his heart rather than from what convention required.

Embracing you carefully in fear he would mess up the work of art his wife and other girls created, he held you in his arms for a moment, as you retuned the hug, clutching at his suit with a little too force. From the corner of your eye, you noticed the bridesmaids clearing the room.

“It’s not like I’m leaving you, Bobo,” you hummed with a smile, throwing his own words from last night at him.

And you weren’t leaving him; your heart swelled with love for your brother, your father figure, your long-life friend.

With sniffle, he let go of you and looked you up and down, proud smile spreading on his lips.

“It’s okay. If you are, I have the best spy in the world for a wife, we’ll drag your ass back home.”

You just slapped his chest playfully and took a deep breath – it was time. Clint grasped your hand firmly then, elbows interlocking, and went to step out just a moment after the bridesmaids left to join the groomsmen.

Well-aware everyone was going to stare and that Steve awaited you at the end of the aisle to marry you, your legs were shaking minutely as the magnitude of the event finally dawned to you.

“Getting second thoughts now?” Clint teased you, eliciting a chuckle from you and shake of your head.

What a question.

“No. Just… please don’t let me fall,” you muttered to him, entirely serious and grateful for your choice of footwear – simple flats hidden by the long flowing skirt of your dress. Better chance of not spraining your ankle on your wedding day.

“Never.”

Clint squeezed your hand under his warm palm and you took a deep breath, stepping into the doorway. Soft melody welcomed you, your very own wedding march Bruce was playing on a mouth organ – something you had previously had no idea he was capable of.  

Looking up from your skirt, you feasted your eyes on the company and the beautiful scenery for only a regretfully short moment, grateful for Sam’s Redwing programmed to record and take photos.

Your gaze instinctively searched the small crowd instead, until it fell under the arch where three men stood.

One of them was Sam himself, having obtained a licence so he could be your wedding registrar; he looked positively dashing. So did Bucky, who patted his best friend dressed in his old-fashioned green captain uniform on the shoulder, his smirk visible even from tens feet away as he stepped back.

Naturally, your gaze lingered on Steve, your feet acting of their own accord and following your brother’s lead.

Gosh, your future husband was the most handsome and absolutely hottest specimen to ever walk the Earth. Hair combed neatly to one side and in his old army uniform, he truly looked like the gentleman from another era he was and yet, he undeniably belonged exactly where he was. His eyes were bright and blue just like the sky, lips slightly parting before curling up into a brilliant smile which somehow still carried the tenderness he treated you with when he felt particularly affectionate.

He must have uttered something under his breath, because Bucky pressed his lips together as if he was holding back laugh. The absolutely best best man, ladies and gentleman.

Your found yourself smiling just as widely, a stray tear tickling the corner of your eye and you had to fight the sudden urge to ditch Clint in order to gather your skirts and run the rest of the way just to jump into Steve’s arms.

But in reality, there was no rush – here, on the damn island Tony rented, there was so much time that one short walk meant nothing in comparison.

“Alright, maybe I’ll give you to him,” Clint whispered, making you bite the inside of your cheek so you would cackle.

Leave it to your brother he would find Steve Rogers so fine he’d be willing to give you out just to have him become a part of your family.

One corner of Steve’s lips twitched in amusement – supersoldier hearing didn’t miss the remark then. Good. Then Bucky heard it too and you had a witness just in case Clint would change his mind. Again.

Finally, with your heart almost in your throat, you reached the end of the aisle, Clint gently putting your hand into Steve’s… without letting go.

“You be nice to her, Cap. And I mean really nice, you hear? Or else-“

“Hush,” you hissed good-naturedly in your brother’s direction, winking at him before you returned your gaze to Steve. “Hey there, handsome.”

Steve chuckled under his breath when Clint stepped back. He returned the greeting with soft ‘hey there, beautiful’ and then proceeded to lift your joined hands, brushing your knuckles with his lips – just like the day you shared your first kiss.

Well now you truly found yourself on the verge of crying. And Lord, you wanted to kiss him so much-

Sam cleared his throat loudly, casting you both a meaningful look as if he could read your mind and wanted to remind you that there were a few things to go through before that could happen.

Ugh. Formalities. Just let me kiss him…

Steve licked his lips – the audacity! – and turned, lightly tugging at your hand so you both faced your friend who held a little leather book open, beckoning towards the guests: Bucky and Natasha, the best man and the best woman, Clint, Bruce, Tony, Vision, Wanda, Sharon, Pepper. Just your closest friends and family.

Sam cleared his throat again.

“Alright. We all know why we gathered here today. To get these two amazing people married, so they could officially become a special team within our team.”

You grinned, peripherally noticing Steve eyeing you as well. Team indeed.

“This is the part where I would ask all of you, bride and groom included, to speak up now if you’re aware of anything standing in the way of this wedlock or to remain silent forever. But frankly, if you have something to say, right now is the perfect time to keep it to yourself. Just let these lovebirds get married…”

Muffled laughter and giggles erupted from your group. Honestly, you wouldn’t say it better. You noticed Clint shifting and Natasha forcefully holding his hand down; you bit down on your lip so you wouldn’t laugh and sent her a grateful smile instead. The best maid of honour ever.

“Good, that’s what I wanted to hear, folks. We have the rings, correct? Great. Just so you know, these two saps asked me to read one vow which they are making to each other, because they didn’t trust themselves to say theirs individually without bursting into tears. So now it’s left to me to cry instead. Thanks for that.”

Your cheeks were honestly starting to hurt from smiling so wide, but tears prickled in your eyes acutely just at the thought of the vow you agreed on. You spent countless hours thinking about what you wanted to say and realized that your vow would be too long and that you would in fact start crying and that you could never name all the things you loved Steve for. It had been a relief to find out that Steve shared the sentiment and the deal was made.

Natasha and Bucky dutifully laid the rings on the pillow Wanda’s powers held levitating by your and Steve’s side – not without Bucky finding a split second to compliment your appearance and earning a brief smirk from Steve.

“I know,” Steve uttered and you wondered if there was a dare going around as to who would make you burst out laughing first.

This was your wedding dammit. You could be at least a bit a lady and remain collected.

Hardly.

“With this ring,” Sam started, breathing in and out and you knew you already lost, first tear rolling down your cheek as you gazed into Steve’s inviting eyes, “I give myself to you without giving up myself. With this ring, I surrender to you for I have faith you understand the value of wielding such power and for I deem you worthy of it. With this ring, I promise to love you, to respect you and to support you to be your best self as I trust you to do the same for me, for us.”

You blinked away the waterfalls, reaching almost blindly for Steve’s ring and with fingers trembling – with giddiness, not nerves – you somehow succeeded at slipping it on his left ring finger.

“I do,” you whispered, your voice cracking even in such simple sentence and the watery smile Steve graced you with made your ribcage feel too small for your swelling heart.

Fingers equally clumsy, he slipped a ring on you as well, shoulders squaring as if in pride.

“I do,” he said firmly, the damp path down his left cheek only adding severity to his vow.

“You may-- uhm, okay, you may kiss the bride, your wife--- I mean, Mrs. Rogers. You may kiss the groom, your husband…” Sam mumbled under his breath until he didn’t, because Steve pulled you in for a kiss the same moment Sam said the first ‘may’ and incidentally, the same moment you practically threw yourself at Steve.

Laughter and whistles erupted from the group of your friends as Steve bend you back dramatically, the determined press of his lips to yours not at all disrupted by the change of angle, claiming your mouth in ways that made you shudder and stirred flames in your belly.

Years and years later, you’d recall that kiss and realized an amazing thing; how it felt just like your first kiss, your last one, and every single one in between.

With you still practically horizontal, Steve’s crinkling eyes met yours, delighted smile on his kiss-swollen lips.

“I love you, Mrs. Rogers,” he hummed, adding a cheeky grin. “You’re stuck with me now.”

“The horror,” you muttered back teasingly, pulling at his nape, demanding another kiss, your own declaration whispered to his mouth. “I love you too, Mr. Rogers.”

And you did. Gosh, you did.

S.R. masterlist

(divider by firefly-graphics)

Well. This turned out SO DIFFERENTLY than I anticipated and SO MUCH LONGER. If you feel like leaving feedback, I’ll be grateful. If not, well. *shurgs*

Excuse me while I go and continue dreaming of ONE fictional man. Ugh. Anyway.

Thank you for reading!

And once again, thanks to WIYBUPT for hosting and for just being awesome in general :)

[collinsportmaine]

Oh! dark Shadows should have done a storyline featuring a travel circus that comes to Collinwood. Maybe it’s part of a time travel event. It would be great to cast it!

Ring Master - Louis Edmonds (Roger)

Bearded Lady - Joan Bennett (Liz)

Strong Man - Robert Rodin (Adam)

Fortune Teller - Grayson Hall (Magda)

Trapeze Artists - Nancy Barrett & Joel Crothers

[rapturerecords]

Song: Cafard (aka Blues for You)

Composer: Philippe Parès (aka Gabriel Parès)

Record Label: A Sam Fox Production SF1012

Released: 1966

Location: Gomorrah casino, Mysterious broadcast

Once again Mr. Sam Fox (or Synchro Fox) brings us another mystery, the same label that brought you “Stars and Teardrops” aka “Joe Cool”.

Also as a side note though “Cafard” literally translates to “cockroach”, it’s likely that the title is referring to the French idiomatic expression “avoir le cafard” or “to have the blues” which dovetails neatly into the alternate title, “Blues for You”. 

Although this instrumental is not broadcast on the main three radio stations in New Vegas, it is heard in the Gomorrah casino as the lobby music. Later, it can be heard on the Mysterious Broadcast inviting you to the Big MT.

Unfortunately, unlike Fallout 3′s end credits, Fallout: New Vegas’ end credits feature the licensed music from the standard record labels, but omits all of the radio tunes from APM including the instrumentals save for a brief mention of  “Additional Music Courtesy of APM Music”.

As is the case with library music, finding artist and recording information is extremely difficult as these songs were never meant to be sold to the public, instead being exclusively used for the film and TV industry. What follows is an attempt to extricate this information.

Note: Library music is typically identified by composer or emotion. Very little can be confirmed about the musicians who performed on the recording.

So let us focus on what is known, starting with the full track list:

Side A

1. Global Hop (G. Wright Briggs) 2. Ephesus - Theme (Robert R. Way) 3. Ephesus - Bridge #1 (Robert R. Way) 4. Ephesus - Bridge #2 (Robert R. Way) 5. Ephesus - Bridge #3 (Robert R. Way) 6. Ephesus - Bridge #4 (Robert R. Way) 7. Ephesus - Bridge #5 (Robert R. Way) 8. Ephesus - Curtain (Robert R. Way) 9. Caudia - Theme (Robert R. Way) 10. Pegasus - Theme (long) (Robert R. Way) 11. Pegasus - Theme (short) (Robert R. Way) 12. Pegasus - Bridge #1 (Robert R. Way) 13. Pegasus - Bridge #2 (Robert R. Way) 14. Balua (Roger Roger) 15. Song of the Trade Winds (Roger Roger) 16. Bits and Pieces (Openings, Bridges, Endings) (Roger Roger) 17. Love Me (Roger Roger) 18. Memories of Barbara (Roger Roger) 19. Tropics (Roger Roger)

Side B

1. Tour for Swingers (Loren Wilfong) 2. Whooping and Hollering (Loren Wilfong) 3. Slim (Cecil Leuter) 4. Reveil (Nino Nardini) 5. Cafard (Ph. Pares) 6. Lunatic (Soulful) Trumpet (Jim Wakerfield) 7. Polly (J.S.  Zamecnik) 8. Heart Beats (Walter E. Miles)     Winter Tales (Czibulka - Lamont)     The Man on the Flying Trapeze (Honky Tonk Piano Medley) (arr. Victor Lamont) 9. Monte Carlo Polka (Ph. Pares) 10. Ta-Ra-Ra-Boom-Der-Ei (March 1900) (Ph. Pares)

About the composer

Left: Gabriel Parès (père) - postcard and record label, ca. 1910s Right: Philippe Parès (fils) - EP album covers, ca. 1950s

As expected with library music, this track has been miscredited. The CD reissue lists the composer as Gabriel Parès while the record credits Philippe Parès. To confuse the issue further, they are father and son. 

Gabriel Parès lived from 1860-1934, slightly before when this track was pressed in 1966. Gabriel was primarily known for his marching band music as captain of the Garde Républicaine. His son, Philippe Parès was known for his work with collaborator George Van Parys in musical theater and jazz which better aligns with the 1966 date of this track. 

Both father and son were dedicated to music theory ranging from the Parès scales to the books Qui est l'auteur de la Marseillaise? and Histoire du droit de reproduction mécanique.

The 1978 book 33 tours en arrière et notes en vrac (Before 33 RPM and Loose Notes), serves as Philippe’s memoir regarding the music of his father, pre-war,  Occupation, and post-war music from 1923-1962. Philippe would also pass the following year in 1979.

About the recording

As noted above, the original title “Cafard” is likely linked to the French idiom “avoir le cafard” which ties into the CD reissue’s title of “Blues for You”. 

As for the miscredited composer, aside from the father/son confusion, Philippe’s full name is “Philippe Gabriel Hippolyte Emmanuel Parès”. The middle name of “Gabriel” probably didn’t help identification matters much. 

Similar to Stars and Teardrops/Joe Cool, “Cafard” aka “Blues for You” was reissued on the same Carlin Archives CD Jazzy Vibes, CAS 019, previously under APM, now under Warner/Chappell.

Along with the miscrediting of Philippe Parès as Gabriel Parès, track number 20 picked up the two similar descriptions between the Carlin Archives Series and the CPM issues. 

“Slow relaxed blues features saxophone electric guitar”

“Slow relaxed blues features electric guitar vibes saxophone trumpet”

There aren’t any entries in BMI, but ASCAP has the song registered under “Cafard” composed by Philippe Parès, not under “Blues for You”. 

As for dating the track, again the process is similar to “Stars and Teardrops”. 

The small R in the dead wax stands for the RCA Pressing plant in Rockaway, New Jersey which ceased operations in 1973.

The etched matrix number is TR4M. However, RCA adopted a custom of switching the 2nd and 3rd characters of the matrix numbers every 10,000 numbers every year. So the matrix number should actually read “T4RM”.

In short the matrix numbers stand for:

T = 1966

4 = Re-recorded from client’s furnished tapes

R = 12" - 33⅓ RPM

M = Mono (Fine)

Alas, the record label still provides no clues for the performers on the tracks. What remains are the composers’ credits.

Listen to “Stars and Teardrops” aka “Joe Cool” also on Sam Fox here.

Find more library music tracks used in Fallout here.

[smilexcaptainx]

May I request a Steve Rogers imagine where the reader is a trapeze artist, and Steve goes to watch her at the circus with his friends. While she is practicing, she slips from the hoop, but Steve is there to catch her and sparks fly. Thank you!

request an imagine here

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Reader

Warnings: None

A/N: I hope you enjoy!

Word Count: 1.1K

⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅

Steve was always the type of best friend to support his best friend. Even though many claimed that Bucky Barnes was his best friend, Steve would go off and claim that you were his best friend. He knew that you had a passion for performing in a circus, and he supported you the entire way.

He would love to come and watch you practice before your performances every weekend. You loved how supportive Steve was, and frankly, you had fallen in love with him. Now, normally someone would pursue the relationship. As much as you wanted to have the honor of calling Steve your boyfriend, you couldn’t. You had to focus on your top priority, which was your job.

You needed money, and if you showed up and gave a crappy performance, your manager would fire you immediately. You had to keep your focus on what was most important, even if it meant to ignore Steve. Which was exactly what you did to him all day.

But that didn’t stop him from visiting your practice before your performance tonight, and frankly, he wasn’t afraid to bring his friends along with him.

"So [Y/N] really went out of her way of ignoring you all day huh?” Bucky asked, patting his buddy on the shoulder. Steve gave a small shrug, his hands tucked away in his pockets. “Well, we’ll see if she likes it when we show up to her practice. She’ll have to talk to you then, right?”

Steve smirked lightly. He hadn’t been to your practice in a while, which was why you weren’t expecting him. You had been dodging Steve’s calls, and when he came to visit your home, you hid. You had to pretend that you weren’t home, but Steve knew your schedule, and he knew that it was a time that you were home.

Steve wanted to bring his friends along because they hadn’t been to a circus before. He wanted to make sure that they experienced it at least once in their lives. Steve entered the large red striped tent, immediately searching the area for you. Bucky gaped at the large animal’s that were being tamed and trained. All of his friends departed, amazed by different things.

Steve froze as he saw you in your area. There you were, preparing yourself for the jump to connect with your partner. You had been practicing with him for a while, and you were quite excited to show your audience your new performance. You watched as he was seconds away from jumping off the ledge.

“[Y/N]!!!”

Your eyes snapped to the side and lowered to the ground, your heart skipping at the sight of your best friend. Steve was eagerly waving up at you with a wide smile on his face. 

“[Y/N]!!! PAY ATTENTION!!!”

Your head snapped back to your partner, only to see him swinging toward you. You instantly shook Steve’s handsome face out of your mind and went back into professional mode. Once your partner had reached you, he stretched out his arms and you made a jump for him. You smoothly gripped onto his wrists. You held tight onto him, but as you sung downward, all you could think about was the butterflies that came into your stomach when Steve called your name.

All of a sudden, your hands have slipped from your partner’s wrists. He gasped as he saw your fall from a tall height. Steve yelled your name before sprinting toward the spot that you were getting dropped. Of course the day where the net wasn’t present was the day that you were going to get hurt. It felt as if everything was going in slow motion as you fell.

You squeezed your  eyes shut, and silently prayed that you wouldn’t have any career-ending injuries as you fell, but when you felt something, it was a hard concrete ground, but instead a pair of arms. You blinked your eyes awake, only to make eye contact with the beautiful baby blue eyes.

“Guess you can’t ignore me now [Y/N].”

You grunted in frustration and removed yourself out of his arms. Steve stepped back as you rolled out of his possession. You fast-walked away from him, but just as always, Steve caught up to you. You avoided his eyes as he reached the right side of you.

“That’s kind of a rude way to thank someone for saving your life,” Steve said, trying to get you to look at him. “[Y/N], why won’t you look at me? Did I do something? What is going on?”

At that moment, you wanted to shout those three words that you’ve been wanting to tell him all these weeks. You were attracted to him, and not in the friendly type way. You didn’t want to destroy your friendship with him, and most definitely didn’t want a shattered heart after hearing that he didn’t feel the same. Instead, you had picked up your pace, but Steve had gripped onto your wrist before you could any further.

You dug your teeth into your bottom lip, fluttering your eyes shut. You knew that if you were to make eye contact with those gorgeous blue eyes again, you were going to break. Steve spun you around and firmly placed his hands onto your shoulders. He squeezed your shoulders and pierced his soft baby blue eyes into yours.

“You’re crushing on your acrobatic partner, aren’t you?” Steve whispered, slightly smirking at you. He always gave you that look whenever you gained a crush no someone. You heaved a heavy sigh, wishing that you would just tell him. “Don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone.”

Steve patted your shoulders before sliding his hands off of them. Steve gave you a nod before spinning around to walk away. Your eyes traveled up and down his figure as he began to walk away. You needed to stop him. You needed to tell him. You couldn’t hold this any longer. You knew if you did, you were going to explode from regret.

Without any thought, you began to jog up to your best friend. You caught onto Steve’s hand, spinning him around. His question was cut off by your lips clashing against his. Steve’s eyes shot wide open in surprise, but slowly closed in pleasure as the kiss continued. Steve even leaned forward for your lips to connect with his again as you pulled away from him.

“That was quite the kiss [Y/N],” Steve said breathily, slightly smirking at you. You blushed, lowering your eyes to the ground. “I didn’t want it to stop though.”

You grinned in amusement. There was your answer. Steve felt the same.

⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅

Feedback is always welcome!

I do not own this gif.

Credit goes to the owner!

my wattpad

[emotionally-ralphunctioning]

LOTF Characters as Circus Acts🎪

• Jack - Ringleader

• Roger: Knife Thrower

•Ralph: Tightrope Walker

• Simon: Animal Tamer

• Sam ‘n’ Eric: Trapeze Artists

• Maurice: Clown/Magician

• Piggy: Roger’s target practice Can’t perform on account of his ass-mar but sells tickets/snacks

[merelygifted]

Via my honey and Felix Silla Dead: 'Addams Family' Actor was 84 - Variety

Felix Silla, the actor who played beloved hairy Addams family member Cousin Itt, has died. He was 84.

His “Buck Rogers in the 25th Century” castmate, Gil Gerard, confirmed the news on Twitter. “Felix died just a few hours ago and the only good I can draw from his passing is that he didn’t suffer any longer,” he wrote. “I will miss him terribly, especially the time we had at our panels. Just telling me to ,” go ‘ f ‘ myself”.”

Silla’s death on Friday comes after a battle with pancreatic cancer. He was a longtime resident of Las Vegas, where he used to perform with his own musical combo, “The Original Harmonica Band,” between movies.

Born in a small village just outside Rome, Italy in January 1937, Silla came to the United States in 1955. A trained circus performer, he toured with the Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey Show, which ultimately led him to Hollywood. His skills as a tumbler, bareback rider and trapeze artist landed him stuntman roles, beginning with 1963 comedy “A Ticklish Affair.” Silla also worked as a body double, often for children, in movies like “The Towering Inferno” (1974) and “Battlestar Galactica” (1978). His resume also boasted roles in the original “Star Trek,” “Space Ball” and “Star Wars: Episode VI,” in which he played an Ewok. ...

[ao3feed-lokiangst]

and our flight for freedom is still the same (we still live, love, and do it in vain)

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/2LVYXmU

by Ilikepickles

He was running, fast and furiously. Faces flew past him. Families laughed. Children flitted about excitedly. The sound of connection was in the air. All over, hearts were finding one another, friendships were being made, destinies were being written. There were a thousand worlds being created in every minute, every heartbeat. He could never hope to know them all. All he knew was he was running.

Words: 1807, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English

Fandoms: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Iron Man (Movies), Thor (Movies)

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Categories: Gen, Other

Characters: Loki (Marvel), Tony Stark, Maria Stark, Steve Rogers - referenced, James "Rhodey" Rhodes - referenced

Relationships: Loki/Tony Stark

Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Circus, frostiron if you squint, Musician Tony Stark, Trapeze Artist Loki (Marvel), Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicidal Thoughts, Aged-Down Character(s), Non-binary character, Non-binary Loki (Marvel), Genderfluid Loki (Marvel), Canonical Character Death, (minor character death), Inspired by Music

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/2LVYXmU

[zed-air]

CKUA - Fill-In Playlists: 2020 Summer

______

Below are the playlists for shows where I filled-in as guest host on CKUA during summer 2020.

Explore my playlist history for other dates and programs.

- - - - -

TITLE • PERFORMING ARTIST • ALBUM • AIRTIME

2020-06-24 - 12:00-14:00 - Noontide (fundraiser edition)

^^ Listener recommendations/requests ++ Appears on this week’s CKUA top 30 chart

Sky Blue Sky • Wilco • SKY BLUE SKY • 12:02

Mr. Blue Sky • Electric Light Orchestra • ELO'S GREATEST HITS • 12:07

Chanson D'amour • David Wilkie & Gaye Delorme • BEAUTIFUL DREAMERS: VOL.1 • 12:12 ^^

When My Blue Moon Turns Gold Again • Roy Forbes • ______ • 12:19 ^^

Baby Blue • The Velveteins • A HOT SECOND WITH THE VELVETEINS • 12:22

In the Blue Moonlight • Joel Plaskett • THREE • 12:27

Hallelujah • k.d. lang • HYMNS OF THE 49TH PARALLEL • 12:33 ^^

Interview with Brian Beresh • Grant Stovel • CKUA ARTS • 12:39

I Can Help • Billy Swan • THE BEST OF • 12:41

Piano Blink • Hawksley Workman • BETWEEN THE BEAUTIFULS • 12:44 ^^

Stuck Inside Of Mobile... • Cat Power • I'M NOT THERE (SOUNDTRACK) • 12:49 ^^

No Control • Basia Bulat • ARE YOU IN LOVE? • 12:57 ^^

Time Of The Season • The Zombies • POP MUSIC: THE GOLDEN ERA • 13:03

Oj u Haju Pry Dunaju • Marenych Trio • SINGS • 13:12 ^^

Zebra • Beach House • TEEN DREAM • 13:12

Zebra • John Butler Trio • CMJ NEW MUSIC MONTHLY, VOL. 132 • 13:18 ^^

Living In The Future • John Prine • GREAT DAYS • 13:22 ^^

Sleepwalk • Jeff Beck • BECKOLOGY • 13:28

Double Barrel Blues • Blue Moon Marquee • GYPSY BLUES • 13:32 ^^

Bright Side of the Road • Van Morrison • AT THE MOVIES: SOUNDTRACK HITS • 13:38 ^^

Painter In Your Pocket • Destroyer • DESTROYER'S RUBIES • 13:44 ^^

Hey Bulldog • The Beatles • YELLOW SUBMARINE • 13:51 ^^

War Pigs • Ruthie Foster • JOY COMES BACK • 13:54 ^^

2020-06-25 - 12:00-14:00 - Noontide (post-fundraiser all-request show)

^^ Listener recommendations/requests

Wasting Time • Nathaniel Rateliff & the Night Sweats • S/T • 12:00 ^^

Jaquima to Freno • Ian Tyson • AND STOOD THERE AMAZED • 12:04 ^^

Lost Together • Blue Rodeo • LOST TOGETHER • 12:08 ^^

Real Love • David Myles • REAL LOVE • 12:15 ^^

Rubberband Of Life • Miles Davis (w/ Ledisi) • RUBBERBAND • 12:19 ^^

Smithsonian • The Avett Brothers • TRUE SADNESS • 12:26 ^^

This Storm • Tara MacLean & Catherine MacLelleland • THIS STORM (SINGLE) • 12:33 ^^

Swingin' With The Cats • Jim Campilongo • ______ • 12:39 ^^

Muffin Top • Jim & Penny Malmberg • WE'RE HERE FOR • 12:42 ^^

Right Before Your Eyes • Ian Thomas • A LIFE IN SONG • 12:45 ^^

Together • The Raconteurs • BROKEN BOY SOLDIERS • 12:52 ^^

I Can't Wait • Kieran Kane & Kevin Welch... • LOST JOHN DEAN • 12:56 ^^

45 Years • Stan Rogers • IN CONCERT • 13:02 ^^

Crazy As A Loon • John Prine • FAIR & SQUARE • 13:08 ^^

Coffee & TV • Blur • 13 • 13:13 ^^

Tangled Up In Blue • Bob Dylan • BLOOD ON THE TRACKS • 13:21 ^^

We Are Family • Sister Sledge • SISTER SLEDGE • 13:28 ^^

I Wanna Thank You • Sloan • NAVY BLUES • 13:34 ^^

Trapeze • Patty Griffin • CHILDREN RUNNING THROUGH • 13:38 ^^

Feeling Good • Nina Simone • TO BE FREE • 13:43 ^^

Carry On • Doug Hoyer • CHARACTER WITNESS • 13:48 ^^

No Wrong • King of Foxes • SALT & HONEY • 13:51 ^^

2020-06-26 - 12:00-14:00 - Noontide

^^ Listener recommendations/requests ++ Appears on this week’s CKUA top 30 chart

Rose Coloured Frames • Mariel Buckley • DRIVING IN THE DARK • 12:00

A Hundred Shades of Blue • Whitney Rose • WE STILL GO TO RODEOS • 12:03 ++

Any Fool With a Heart • Tami Neilson • CHICKABOOM! • 12:07

Where Have All The Flowers Gone • Peter, Paul & Mary • THE VERY BEST • 12:10

Shelter from the Storm • Bob Dylan • BLOOD ON THE TRACKS • 12:14 ^^

Ne Me Quitte Pas • Jesse Cook • THE BLUE GUITAR SESSIONS • 12:22 ^^

The Rambling Irishman • Dervish • THE GREAT IRISH SONGBOOK • 12:29

The Look of Love • ABC • THE LOOK OF LOVE • 12:35

Disco 2000 • Pulp • DIFFERENT CLASS • 12:39

Born Under a Bad Sign • Richard Hawley • COLES CORNER • 12:43

Summers Around Here • Mike Plume • LONESOME STRETCH OF HIGHWAY • 12:48 ++

New Day • Pharis & Jason Romero • BET ON LOVE • 12:52 ++

Havava • The Jerry Cans • ECHOES • 12:57 ++

Let Me Take You To the Beach • Frank Zappa • STUDIO TAN • 13:04

Hold the Line • Osyron • HOLD THE LINE • 13:08

And I Love Her • Pat Metheny • WHAT'S IT ALL ABOUT • 13:12 ^^

Tender Lullaby • Roy Forbes • ALMOST OVERNIGHT • 13:18 ^^

Cover Your Eyes • Jess Knights • BEST KIND OF LIGHT • 13:20 ++

Stranger • Emily Rockarts • LITTLE FLOWER • 13:24 ++

Get You Back • Ariel Posen • HOW LONG • 13:30

Wreckless Abandon • The Dirty Knobs • WRECKLESS ABANDON • 13:37

Domino • Nicole Atkins • ITALIAN ICE • 13:42

Do It All the Time • I Don't Know How They Found Me • 1981 EP • 13:46

Angel • Lucette • DELUXE HOTEL ROOM • 13:50

Roundabout • Yes • FRAGILE • 13:53

2020-07-08 - 12:00-15:00 - Thoroughfare

^^ Listener recommendations/requests ++ Appears on this week’s CKUA top 30 chart

Euphoria (Firefly) • Delerium • KARMA • 12:00

The Ecstasy of Gold • Carolina Eyck • MUSIC FOR VOICE AND THEREMIN • 12:07

Seductress Of Bums • Raveonettes • PRETTY IN BLACK • 12:10

Apocalypse • Cigarettes After Sex • CIGARETTES AFTER SEX • 12:14

Rocket To The Moon • Adrian Nation • ANARCHY AND LOVE • 12:19

Andy • Frank Zappa & the Mothers • ONE SIZE FITS ALL • 12:28

The New Pollution • Beck • ODELAY • 12:35

Make Me Feel • Janelle Monae • DIRTY COMPUTER (CLEAN) • 12:39

Digital Witness • St. Vincent • ST. VINCENT • 12:42

We Used To Have Fun • Doug Hoyer • WE USED TO HAVE FUN • 12:48

Dancing Tonight • Christina Quesada • DANCING TONIGHT • 12:51

Nunca Es Suficiente • Natalia Lafourcade • HASTA LA RAIZ • 12:55

Havava • The Jerry Cans • ECHOES • 13:02 ++

Trigger • The New Haunts • THE NEW HAUNTS • 13:07

Source Blips • Matthew Cardinal • PIECES: 2011-2019 • 13:11

Come Hell Or High River • Tim Isberg • TEARS ALONG THE ROAD • 13:13

I'm Okay • Kimberley MacGregor • I AM MY OWN • 13:19

Get You Back • Ariel Posen • HOW LONG • 13:26

Yes, I Have Ghosts • David Gilmour & Romany Gilmour • YES, I HAVE GHOSTS • 13:34

So Long, Marianne • Leonard Cohen • SONGS OF LEONARD COHEN • 13:37

In Dreams • Roy Orbison • IN DREAMS • 13:44

Eulogy, End of the World • Evergreen • WHOLE • 13:47

Old Star • Devonian Gardens • OLD STAR • 13:55

Hanging On a Line • Begonia • FEAR • 14:01

Magpie • Caribou • SUDDENLY • 14:07 ++

Tu Mundo de Cristal • Capsula de Suenos • TU MUNDO DE CRISTAL • 14:12

Pegaso • Single • HOLA • 14:15

The Ballad Of Fred And Barney • Brad Bucknell & the oHNo Band • OHNO • 14:21

New Day • Pharis & Jason Romero • BET ON LOVE • 14:25 ++

Leaving Edmonton • Geoff Hawryluk • LEAVING EDMONTON • 14:32

Dark Road • Richard Hawley • LADY'S BRIDGE • 14:37

Elephant in the Room • Le Superhomard • MEADOW LANE PARK • 14:40

Give It Back • The Hearts • GIVE IT BACK • 14:45

Come With Me • Amy van Keeken • IN DREAMS • 14:50

Little White Lines • Sweet Vintage Rides • ROAD TRIP • 14:53

Rose of the Valley • Duane Eddy • ROAD TRIP • 14:56

2020-07-23 - 06:00-09:00 - Alberta Morning

^^ Listener recommendations/requests ++ Appears on this week’s CKUA top 30 chart

Mannish Boy • Muddy Waters • HARD AGAIN • 06:00

Sister Mavis • Tami Neilson • CHICKABOOM! • 06:06

The Devil is a Blue-Eyed Man • Celeigh Cardinal • STORIES FROM... • 06:08

Rose Coloured Frames • Mariel Buckley • DRIVING IN THE DARK • 06:14

Three Cheers to the Calgary Stampede • Dirty Dirty Devil’s • SATIN DEVIL DIARIES • 06:17

90 Seconds of Your Time • Corb Lund • AGRICULTURAL TRAGIC • 06:22 ++

Just Because You Can Don't Mean You Should • John Moore • JUST BECAUSE YOU CAN... • 06:25

Things • Bobby Darin • ANTHOLOGY • 06:31

Waking Light • Beck • MORNING PHASE • 06:38

Memoir • Charlotte Gainsbourg • STAGE WHISPER • 06:41

Welcome Home • My Morning Jacket • THE WATERFALL II • 06:44 ++

Te Queria • Lido Pimienta • MISS COLOMBIA • 06:49 ++

Temeles • Alemayehu Eshete & Hirut Begele • ETHIOPIAN SOUL AND GROOVE VOL 1 • 06:53

18 • Moscow Apartment • BETTER DAUGHTER (EP) • 06:59 ++

Loneliness • Rebekah Higgs • SHA LA LA • 07:04

Heart of an Animal • The Dears • LOVERS ROCK • 07:07

Time (You and I) • Khruangbin • MORDECHAI • 07:14 ++

Wherever You Go (Visualizer) • The Avalanches • WHEREVER YOU GO • 07:20

Summer Girl • HAIM • WOMEN IN MUSIC PT. III • 07:27

Tierra • Freak Motif • HOT PLATE • 07:31

Got Lucky • The Dice Cubes • MAKE ME MOTOR • 07:36 ^^

How To Forget • Jason Isbell • SOMETHING MORE THAN FREE • 07:41

That's How Rumors Get Started • Margo Price • THAT'S HOW RUMORS GET STARTED • 07:45 ++

Cold Fire • Begonia • FEAR • 07:49

Royals • Doug Organ • ROYALS (SINGLE) • 07:55

Scarlet (featuring Jimmy Page) • The Rolling Stones • GOAT'S HEAD SOUP 2020 • 08:00

House Music All Night Long • Jarv Is • BEYOND THE PALE • 08:08

I Want To Be a Robot • Eva Hurychova • DNES NA TOM ZALEZI • 08:13

Computerlove • Kraftwerk • COMPUTERWORLD • 08:21

Talk • Coldplay • X&Y • 08:22

Good Vibes • J. Findlay & M. Xu • I SEE • 08:27

Never Turn Your Back On Mother Earth • Neko Case • MIDDLE CYCLONE • 08:31

Chat domestique • Jill Barber • ENTRE NOUS • 08:33 ++

Little Birds • Brenna Lowrie • LOSS LEADER • 08:38 ++

Hasta La Vista • Richard Inman • ______ • 08:40 ++

Saskatchewan (Eleanor's) • Zachary Lucky • SASKATCHEWAN • 08:44

Old Souls • William Prince • RELIEVER • 08:50

Hammer Into Anvil • Ikebe Shakedown • KINGS LEFT BEHIND • 08:54

2020-07-24 - 06:00-09:00 - Alberta Morning

++ Appears on this week’s CKUA top 30 chart

Traveling Light • Leonard Cohen • YOU WANT IT DARKER • 06:00

Save the Whale • Jarv Is • BEYOND THE PALE • 06:05

Tu Mundo de Cristal • Capsula de Suenos • TU MUNDO DE CRISTAL • 06:11

Cosmic Dancer • Nick Cave • ANGELHEADED HIPSTER • 06:15

Goodbye To A Friend • Dirty Dirty Devil's • SATIN DEVIL DIARIES • 06:21

Leaving Edmonton • Geoff Hawryluk • LEAVING EDMONTON • 06:28

The Business • Freak Motif • HOT PLATE • 06:31

Dangerous Heart • Joey Landreth • HINDSIGHT • 06:37

Wake Up the Ghosts • Leisure Cruise • LEISURE CRUISE • 06:42

Postcards From Paradise • Ringo Starr • POSTCARDS FROM PARADISE • 06:47

Nos Retrouvailles • Jill Barber • ENTRE NOUS • 06:53 ++

Backsliders • King Of Foxes • SALT & HONEY • 06:59

Dead End Kid • Altameda • DIRTY RAIN • 07:03

Chase The Sun • Lab Coast • THE SLED ISLAND LEMONADE STAND • 07:06

Interesting Times • Thomas Thomas • THE SLED ISLAND LEMONADE STAND • 07:08

What A Great Day • Jr. Gone Wild • PULL THE GOALIE • 07:13

The Other Man • Sloan • PRETTY TOGETHER • 07:19

Somnabulist • Nehiyawak • LIVE AT CKUA • 07:24

Braids • Anachnid • DREAMWEAVER • 07:27 ++

Nanya Tamgu • Sinistrio • RIDE THE DRAGON • 07:30

Building A Case • Kimberley MacGregor • I AM MY OWN • 07:34

Body • Julia Jacklin • CRUSHING • 07:43

Cherry Blossom Girl • Air • TALKIE WALKIE • 07:48

Survivor's Guilt • Danny Michel • BLACK BIRDS ARE DANCING OVER ME • 07:51

Yes, I Have Ghosts • David Gilmour & Romany Gilmour • YES, I HAVE GHOSTS • 07:57

Dreams Tonite • Alvvays • ANTISOCIALITES • 08:02

Jody • A Girl Called Eddy • JODY • 08:06

Nuestro Momento • Band a Part • NUESTRO MOMENTO • 08:12

Sunshine • Cayley Thomas • HOW ELSE CAN I TELL YOU? • 08:15 ++

Resisto Y Ya • Lido Pimienta • MISS COLOMBIA • 08:19 ++

Just Circumstance • Whitney Rose • WE STILL GO TO RODEOS • 08:22 ++

New Girl • Moscow Apartment • BETTER DAUGHTER • 08:27 ++

Pattern Recognition • Noveller • ARROW • 08:32

Day After Day • Badfinger • DAY AFTER DAY • 08:33

Black Velvet Band • Irish Rovers • VERY BEST • 08:36

24 Frames • Jason Isbell • SOMETHING MORE THAN FREE • 08:41

New Day • Pharis & Jason Romero • BET ON LOVE • 08:44

Highway Two • Tim Isberg • RUNNING ON THE EDGE • 08:50

The Tourist Song • Brad Bucknell • OHNO • 08:53

2020-07-30 - 06:00-09:00 - Alberta Morning

++ Appears on this week’s CKUA top 30 chart

As the Dawn Breaks • Richard Hawley • TRUELOVE'S GUTTER • 06:01

Little Birds • Brenna Lowrie • LOSS LEADER • 06:05 ++

The Birds • Elbow • BUILD A ROCKET BOYS! • 06:08

Birds and Ships • Billy Bragg & Wilco • MERMAID AVENUE • 06:16

Comme les fleurs • Jill Barber • ENTRE NOUS • 06:19 ++

Summer Girl • HAIM • WOMEN IN MUSIC PT. III • 06:22 ++

Left Right Left • Ashes & Dreams • HEART OF STONE • 06:26

Coffee Creek • The Slocan Ramblers • COFFEE CREEK • 06:30

Pachagon • Djely Tapa • BAROKAN • 06:34 ++

Our Hell • Emily Haines & the Soft Skeleton • KNIVES DON'T HAVE YOUR BACK • 06:37

Dirty Blvd. • Lou Reed • NYC MAN - THE COLLECTION • 06:42

Wendy’s House • Brad Bucknell • OHNO • 06:46

Bizarre Love Triangle • Give 'Em Hell Boys • BARN BURNER • 06:50

Love Will Tear Us Apart • Oysterband • THE BIG SESSION: VOLUME 1 • 06:54

Stay • Justine Vandergrift • STAY (SINGLE) • 07:01

Mr. Bojangles • Nitty Gritty Dirt Band • NITTY GRITTY DIRT BAND • 07:05

I'm Still Loving You • Blackie & The Rodeo Kings • SOUTH • 07:09

Collaboratoins Don't Work • FFS • FFS • 07:13

Shape Shifter • Lera Lynn • RESISTOR • 07:20

Bowling Green • Neko Case • THE VIRGINIAN • 07:25

Plaid Suit • Gitkin • 5 STAR MOTEL • 07:28

Fireproof • The National • TROUBLE WILL FIND ME • 07:31

You Want It Darker • Leonard Cohen • YOU WANT IT DARKER • 07:33

Dividido • Alex Cuba • SUBLIME • 07:42

Moon Of Honey • Billie ZiZi • MOON OF HONEY • 07:46

The Ridge • Julian Taylor • THE RIDGE • 07:50 ++

No Control • Basia Bulat • ARE YOU IN LOVE? • 07:55

Goodbye Jimmy Reed • Bob Dylan • ROUGH AND ROWDY WAYS • 08:01 ++

18 • Moscow Apartment • BETTER DAUGHTER (EP) • 08:07 ++

Everyday Robots • Damon Albarn • EVERYDAY ROBOTS • 08:11

West End Girls (Lockdown Version) • Pet Shop Boys • LOCKDOWN • 08:15

Vitamin C • Can • THE SINGLES • 08:19

Blistered • That Pedal Show Band • OX EP • 08:22

Try • Ariel Posen • HOW LONG • 08:27

Blues Of The Prairies • Oscar Peterson • CANADIANA SUITE • 08:30

Qui Je Suis • Thomas Dutronc • QUI JE SUIS • 08:35

Pull Away • Leon Bridges • COMING HOME • 08:38

Resisto Y Ya • Lido Pimienta • MISS COLOMBIA • 08:41 ++

Shangri-La • EOB • EARTH • 08:44

Pacheco • Beirut • NO NO NO • 08:50

Forgotten Worlds • Delerium • KARMA • 08:53

2020-07-31 - 06:00-09:00 - Alberta Morning

Standing at the Sky's Edge • Richard Hawley • LIVE AT THE DEVIL'S ARSE • 06:01

Rocket To The Moon • Adrian Nation • ANARCHY AND LOVE • 06:06

In The Aeroplane Over The Sea • Neutral Milk Hotel • IN THE AEROPLANE... • 06:12

Impossible Germany (live, 2012) • Wilco • ASHES OF THE AMERICAN FLAG • 06:16

Scarlet (featuring Jimmy Page) • The Rolling Stones • GOATS HEAD SOUP 2020 • 06:22

Save the Whale • Jarv Is • BEYOND THE PALE • 06:28

Guitar Rumba • Sue Foley • BACK TO THE BLUES • 06:32

Don't Delete the Kisses • Wolf Alice • VISIONS OF A LIFE • 06:36

My Future • Billie Eilish • MY FUTURE • 06:40

One to Remember • Khruangbin • MORDECHAI • 06:44 ++

Excuses • Olivia Jean • BATHTUB LOVE KILLINGS • 06:48

Domino • Nicole Atkins • ITALIAN ICE • 06:52

Sound & Color • Alabama Shakes • SOUND & COLOR • 06:56

Dragonfly • Fleetwood Mac • DRAGONFLY • 07:01

Too Many Wrongs • The Dears • LOVERS ROCK • 07:05

Let Me Be A Flower Child • Fionn • EVERYONE'S A CRITIC • 07:09 ++

Jody • A Girl Called Eddy • JODY • 07:14

I'll Meet You There • Carbon Poppies • RAIN ON MY FACE • 07:19

So Sweet • Bad Buddy • BAD BUDDY • 07:22 ++

Dancing with Sue • Wyatt C. Louis • DANCING WITH SUE • 07:26

Reflect • Matthew Cardinal • PIECES: 2011-2019 • 07:29 ++

Any Fool With A Heart • Tami Neilson • CHICKABOOM • 07:31

Two Minds • Cayley Thomas • TWO MINDS • 07:34

Runaway • Doug Hoyer • CHARACTER WITNESS • 07:41

Old Father Time • John Moore • OLD FATHER TIME • 07:44

Huron 'Beltane' Fire Dance • Loreena McKennitt • NIGHTS FROM THE ALHAMBRA • 07:48

I Move Around • Lee Hazlewood • 13 • 07:56

Singin' the Blues (live) • Ruthie Foster • LIVE AT THE PARAMOUNT • 08:01 ++

Hey Child • Margo Price • THAT'S HOW RUMORS GET STARTED • 08:05 ++

Joue avec le feu • Jill Barber • ENTRE NOUS • 08:09 ++

Eso Que Tu Haces • Lido Pimienta • MISS COLOMBIA • 08:12 ++

Anna (Go To Him) • Arthur Alexander • ULTIMATE COLLECTION • 08:18

Holdin' Me Down • Dead Ghosts • AUTOMATIC CHANGER • 08:20

What You're Doing • The Beatles • BEATLES FOR SALE • 08:23

The Shining Sea • Cory Weeds • DAY BY DAY • 08:26 ++

Bear the Cold • Mitch Holtby • BEAR THE COLD • 08:32

Everybody's Coming to My House • David Byrne • AMERICAN UTOPIA • 08:35

West End Girls (Lockdown Version) • Pet Shop Boys • LOCKDOWN • 08:39

Pink Lemonade • James Bay • ELECTRIC LIGHT • 08:42

All Of Me • That Pedal Show Band • OX EP • 08:46

The Battle of the Thames • Osyron • FOUNDATIONS • 08:53

2020-08-25 - 12:00-15:00 - Thoroughfare

^^ Listener recommendations/requests ++ Appears on this week’s CKUA top 30 chart

Celebration Day • Led Zeppelin • III • 12:00 ^^

Live In Favor of Tomorrow • The Lemon Twigs • SONGS FOR THE GENERAL PUBLIC • 12:04

Rain on My Face • Carbon Poppies • RAIN ON MY FACE • 12:07

Seductress Of Bums • Raveonettes • PRETTY IN BLACK • 12:10

Diamonds Are Forever (Mantronic Remix) • Shirley Bassey • THE REMIX ALBUM • 12:14

Firelight • Thievery Corporation • SAUDADE • 12:18

Spanish Light • The Jim Findlay Trio • LIVE AT THE BLUE CHAIR • 12:21

Carry On • Coeur De Pirate • ROSES • 12:27

Just the Two of Us • Alex Cuba • JUST THE TWO OF US • 12:32

Libertad • Ventanas • ARRELUMBRE • 12:35

The Grand Bazaar • The Tea Party • ALHAMBRA • 12:38

Seaside Rendevous • Queen • A NIGHT AT THE OPERA • 12:45

Pick it Up • Fast Romantics • PICK IT UP • 12:46 ++

Dreamin' • Skinny Dyck • GET TO KNOW LONESOME • 12:50 ++

What's Going On • Toronto Tabla Ensemble • UNEXPECTED GUESTS • 12:54 ++

Jody • A Girl Called Eddy • JODY • 13:00

Coney Island Memories • Giorgio Tuma • MY VOCALESE FUN FAIR • 13:05

Brasil • EOB • EARTH • 13:10

Letting Me Down • Margo Price • THAT'S HOW RUMORS GET STARTED • 13:16 ++

You Don't Scare Me • Whitney Rose • RULE 62 • 13:20

Chat domestique • Jill Barber • ENTRE NOUS • 13:24 ++

Time (You and I) • Khruangbin • MORDECHAI • 13:27 ++

Xanadu • Juliana Hatfield • SINGS OLIVIA NEWTON JOHN • 13:33

Combat Baby • Metric • OLD WORLD UNDERGROUND... • 13:37

Summer Girl • HAIM • WOMEN IN MUSIC PT. III • 13:41 ++

Tu Mundo de Cristal • Capsula de Suenos • TU MUNDO DE CRISTAL • 13:44

Spark on Your Shoulder • Ashes & Dreams • HEART OF STONE • 13:50

Suffragette City • The Acorn • PAPER BAG RECORDS VS THE RISE AND FALL... • 13:54

No.1 Party Anthem • Arctic Monkeys • AM • 13:58

Come Lately • Give 'Em Hell Boys • BARN BURNER • 14:04 ^^

Mornings In Memphis • Justin Townes Earle • THE SAINT OF LOST CAUSES • 14:10

Goodbye To A Friend • Dirty Dirty Devil's • SATIN DEVIL DIARIES • 14:14

Eulogy, End of the World • Evergreen • WHOLE • 14:20

Fools Ride • Kathleen Edwards • TOTAL FREEDOM • 14:26 ++

Rose Coloured Frames • Mariel Buckley • DRIVING IN THE DARK • 14:30

Deluxe Hotel Room • Lucette • DELUXE HOTEL ROOM • 14:33

Magpie • Caribou • SUDDENLY • 14:37

Cherry Blossom Girl • Air • TALKIE WALKIE • 14:41

House Music All Night Long • Jarv Is • BEYOND THE PALE • 14:46

Breakfast at the Ace • The Rapiers • THE RETURN OF THE RAPIERS • 14:50

Opening Move • Gryphon • OPENING MOVE • 14:55

- - - -

PLAYLISTS TO FOLLOW BROADCASTS

^^ Listener recommendations/requests ++ Appears on CKUA’s weekly top 30 charts ~~ Featured content

Future playlists to follow broadcasts

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[ao3-spideypool]

The Act of Coming Home

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/33L9hTd

by actionpackedlips

Tony Stark's Spectacular and Peculiar Traveling Circus was home to outcast humans and mutants alike. If you could put on a show, if you could draw a crowd, Tony wanted you in his show. When Tony gets wind of a mutant in the town they're visiting, he pays them a visit. Tony levers Wade with an offer: come join them at his circus and leave the ostracized life behind. Wade isn't disillusioned to the reality they live in, and no amount of singing or dancing is going to change that. But when he sees the blushing trapeze artist named Peter, he finds that maybe he could be persuaded to attempt a new outlook on life. If only the trauma of his past would let him.

A Greatest Showman au!

Words: 4892, Chapters: 1/?, Language: English

Fandoms: Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), Deadpool (Movieverse), The Greatest Showman (2017), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)

Rating: Mature

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Categories: M/M

Characters: Wade Wilson, Peter Parker, Tony Stark, Natasha Romanov (Marvel), Clint Barton, James "Bucky" Barnes, Wanda Maximoff, Pietro Maximoff, Bruce Banner, Anne Wheeler, W. D. Wheeler, Lord of Leeds (The Greatest Showman), Prince Constantine (The Greatest Showman), Charles "Tom Thumb" Stratton, Lettie Lutz, Walter the "Dog Boy"

Relationships: Peter Parker/Wade Wilson, James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers

Additional Tags: Period-Typical Homophobia, Homophobic Language, Minor Violence, Anal Sex, Oral Sex, two cuties falling in love, Alternate Universe - Circus, Alternate Universe - Historical, Tags May Change, Rating May Change, learning to love again, Happy Ending

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/33L9hTd

[ao3feed-stucky]

by actionpackedlips

Tony Stark's Spectacular and Peculiar Traveling Circus was home to outcast humans and mutants alike. If you could put on a show, if you could draw a crowd, Tony wanted you in his show. When Tony gets wind of a mutant in the town they're visiting, he pays them a visit. Tony levers Wade with an offer: come join them at his circus and leave the ostracized life behind. Wade isn't disillusioned to the reality they live in, and no amount of singing or dancing is going to change that. But when he sees the blushing trapeze artist named Peter, he finds that maybe he could be persuaded to attempt a new outlook on life. If only the trauma of his past would let him.

A Greatest Showman au!

Words: 4892, Chapters: 1/?, Language: English

Fandoms: Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), Deadpool (Movieverse), The Greatest Showman (2017), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)

Rating: Mature

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Categories: M/M

Characters: Wade Wilson, Peter Parker, Tony Stark, Natasha Romanov (Marvel), Clint Barton, James "Bucky" Barnes, Wanda Maximoff, Pietro Maximoff, Bruce Banner, Anne Wheeler, W. D. Wheeler, Lord of Leeds (The Greatest Showman), Prince Constantine (The Greatest Showman), Charles "Tom Thumb" Stratton, Lettie Lutz, Walter the "Dog Boy"

Relationships: Peter Parker/Wade Wilson, James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers

Additional Tags: Period-Typical Homophobia, Homophobic Language, Minor Violence, Anal Sex, Oral Sex, two cuties falling in love, Alternate Universe - Circus, Alternate Universe - Historical, Tags May Change, Rating May Change, learning to love again, Happy Ending

[rhysie-cakes314]

Day 12- Childhood Fear

Summary:

Sometimes, Tony just got these ideas. "We’ll each tell you a story about our childhood fears. That way,” he glanced around the room, and his eyes told them there was no getting out of this, “Peter doesn’t grow up thinking he shouldn’t talk about his feelings like some of us did.”

That's how a perfectly normal Goosebumps marathon became a night of stories and revelations that the eight year old Peter would cherish forever. 

“Viewers beware, you’re in for a scare,” the voice played over the opening before Steve turned the TV off without warning.

“Alright, I think that’s enough Goosebumps for one day,” he told the room. Steve and Peter had been watching the show all day. Each of the others had come into the room at different points, and having been sucked in by one episode or another, settled in to join the marathon. Even Tony had eventually made his way sleepily from the lab. He was currently drooling on Steve’s left shoulder, fast asleep with his plate of pizza still sitting in his lab. Between his husband and his eight year old nestled into his lap, Steve was beginning to sweat.

“But we were just about to reach season four!” Clint whined from his spot on the floor. He was leaning against Phil’s legs against the armchair, and the SHIELD agent was mindlessly playing with his hair, eyes closed.

Tony startled awake at Clint’s outburst, and Steve could punch the archer, Tony needed to sleep. The genius reached down and took another bite of pizza as though he hadn’t just been asleep. “Wait, we stopped the show?” he asked, confused. Steve stifled a laugh.

“Peter here has bed soon,” Steve explained to everyone’s groans. “We wouldn’t want him to have nightmares, would we?” He looked down at the child pointedly, ruffling his hair.

Peter pushed his hand off as he sat up, looking like Steve had insulted his honour. “I wasn’t scared! Goosebumps are only scary to babies.” Natasha thought the pout and crossed arms made the kid look just like a mini Tony. It was adorable.

“I disagree, young Peter,” Thor spoke very seriously. “I thought Slappy was quite frightening.”

“But dummy’s can’t actually talk, it was clearly just a bot.” Peter explained.

Tony pointed at the child proudly, “That’s right, squirt. You want to make a Slappy bot?” Peter giggled as he nodded in excitement.

Thor poured the rest of the popcorn into his mouth. “The dummy was possessed by a malicious spirit,” he spoke while chewing, sending flecks flying. Tony wiped a fleck of popcorn off his face.

“I guess that’s kind of scary,” Peter admitted. Thor nodded. “I thought the cursed camera was scarier, so don’t feel bad about being scared.” The Avengers shared a look as they all stifled a laugh. Peter attempting to comfort the god of thunder because he thought Thor needed it was one of the cutest things in the world. Steve looked down when he felt his shirt being tugged. “Pops, what were all of you scared of when you were kids?”

Steve opened his mouth to respond that maybe they could talk about it tomorrow, Tony sabotaged him without thinking. “That’s a great idea! We’ll each tell you a story about our childhood fears. That way,” he glanced around the room, and his eyes told them there was no getting out of this, “Peter doesn’t grow up thinking he shouldn’t talk about his feelings like some of us did.”

While Steve agreed that they should always do what they could to make sure Peter didn’t succumb to toxic masculinity, it didn’t have to be right now. “It’s getting late,” he started, but Peter placed a finger to his lips and made a shushing noise.

“Pleeeaaseee!” Peter begged. “I promise I’ll go right to sleep after.”

“And I’ll make my special hot cocoa!” Natasha sing-songed.

The night was already out of his control. Steve shot Tony a glare. They would talk about this later. Just because Tony had no semblance of a sleep schedule did not mean that Peter should inherit the bad habit. “Alright,” Steve acquiesced. Natasha had already left the room to make cocoa. The woman refused to let any of them know what made hers taste so special, claiming it was a Russian family secret. Only Bruce was ever allowed in the room and that was only to help her top them with whipped cream.

Once everyone had cocoa in their hands and was settled into the couches, Clint jumped up. “Me first!” No one fought him on it. “When I was little, there was local legend about an evil witch named Natasha-”

“No lying Uncle Clint!” Peter cried out. Clint lunged forward to tickle Peter. His squeals filled the room. Steve snatched the mug of cocoa before it spilled, shooting a glare at Clint. Clint winked at him before stepping back towards the TV again.

“You’re too smart for your own good, kid. Fine, I’ll tell a real story, though the witch Natasha scares me as an adult.” He ducked the pillow thrown at him before continuing. His face grew more serious as he decided what he should talk about that wouldn’t be too dark for an eight year old. Not that they ever shielded Peter from much, but the kid could stand to mature a little before hearing some of their tragic backstories.

“For part of my childhood, I lived with a traveling circus/carnival. They called us carnies,” he explained. “My brother, Barney, and I worked as roustabouts at first. Since we were the only kids, a lot of the adults liked to tell us stories. I was more gullible than Barney. There was this story that everyone worked together to come up with, and they each told it to me in snippets like it was some sort of historical event no one quite remembered.

“Supposedly, there was a set of conjoined twins who used to be part of the crew. Their names were Riley and Kylie. The two women were polar opposites in personality, and their constant bickering became the source of their act. The problem was, Kylie didn’t want to be in a carnival. She wanted to get surgery to separate them, but Riley loved their lifestyle travelling around the country with nothing to tie them down. The doctors wouldn’t attempt anything without permission from both twins; it was a dangerous surgery that was rarely done anyway.

“Their bickering slowly became screaming matches that kept everyone awake at night. Kylie begged her sister to let her live her own life. Riley could come up with her own act, she didn’t need Kylie or to be a freak. She could be a trapeze artist or something, Kylie argued. Riley would scream that Kylie would never escape her, that they were born together and would stay together until the day they died.

“And it might have turned out that way if Kylie hadn’t fallen in love with the knife thrower. They sent each other love notes, Kylie only writing and reading while Riley slept. The affair was rife with tension because the man wanted sex, but there was an obvious obstacle.”

Peter snorted at the picture in his head. Sex still seemed gross to him, but it would be extra weird if your sister was attached to you.

Clint waggled his eyebrows at Peter, happy to know the boy was enjoying the story. “Together, the star-crossed lovers hatched a plan. Kylie started hinting to Riley that they should try mixing their act with some of the others, that maybe if Riley found a new partnership she’d like, they could finally agree on the surgery. Riley bought into it, happy enough to humour her sister if it meant they’d stop screaming at each other every night.

“The twins tried out a few things, including letting the knife-thrower use them as a target. The rehearsals went fine, the man never missed, and he always successfully surrounded them with knives without hitting them once. After weeks of this, the ringmaster okayed the act for the show. Kylie was thrilled, their plan would commence that night.

“In front of a live audience, Riley was murdered by knife after knife to her chest. Her screams became the talk of the town for years.” Clint heard Peter gasp softly. “With Riley dead, the doctors had no choice but to separate her from Kylie. The lovers did not get to celebrate their success for long, because the angry ghost of Riley showed up the very next night. The poor roustabout who found their bodies could barely tell who they were, they had been stabbed so many times.

“But that wasn’t the worst part! No, the rumour started that the vengeful spirit of the murdered twin still haunted the troupe and killed anybody who lied to their sibling.” Clint shuddered. “Barney held that over me for years. I couldn’t lie to him at all because I was terrified of being stabbed by a ghost!” Clint bowed theatrically.

Peter clapped until everyone gave polite applause. “That is scary, Uncle Clint! But you shouldn’t lie to people anyway,” he lectured sternly. Clint couldn’t possibly be expected not to laugh at that!

The eight year old only frowned deeper until Clint held his hands up in surrender. “You’re so very right, Peter, I’m sorry. My brother and I weren’t good kids.”  

Mollified, Peter stood on Tony’s legs to announce who would be up next. “Aunt Tasha, you’re up!”

The assassin took Clint’s place in front of her family. She looked nervous for a moment, something none of them had ever seen on her. “So,” she started, voice sharp. She cleared her throat, softening her tone. “This is complicated, my kroshka,” she met Peter’s gaze seriously. He nodded for her to go on. Peter was a smart kid, raised by a genius, but he was only eight. Natasha barely understood her own childhood. “I’m not sure which of my childhood memories are real and which are false,” she explained gently.

Peter scooted his butt off the couch, surprising the the woman with a hug. “That’s okay Tasha,” he assured her. Natasha wasn’t sure when she had become so entangled in this family; she never imagined she’d love a child like she loved Peter Stark-Rogers. Having children had never been in her own plans, but she would give anything for this kid’s happiness. “Fears are real even if their source isn’t anyway.” He looked up at her. It was such a wise thing for a child to say, all of the Avengers looked a little taken aback. “But you don’t have to tell one if you don’t want to.”

The redhead leaned down, placing a kiss on Peter’s forehead. “Thank you,” she whispered. “For you, my kroshka, I will.” Peter’s face brightened and he ran back to Tony’s lap, ignoring the squawk from his father.

“In that case, I’ll tell you one of the things I do remember.” Natasha tucked her hair behind her ears while she collected her thoughts. “Now, this isn’t real, but I remember it as though it were. The scientists that raised me made me believe that I spent years of my life training at a ballet studio.

“At this studio, I had an imaginary teacher, he name was Ms. Nida. Ms. Nida was very strict, and she scared me.” The corner of her lips twitched into a near smile, the false memories bittersweet. She sometimes wish they were real, because they were much nicer than her reality. “I know it may seem silly that I was afraid of a ballet instructor, but you know that look Steve gets when he’s angry at Tony?” She asked Peter.

Peter nodded enthusiastically. “Pops has a scary angry face!”

Tony burst out laughing when Steve blushed, looking at his son, horrified. “Do I scare you?” he asked.

Peter shook his head. “No, I know you only get mad ‘cause you care. But if I didn’t know you, it’d be very scary!” Tony continued to laugh through the entire affair. Steve thought he enjoyed it a little too much.

Natasha waited for their attention to return before she went on. “Well Ms. Nida had a similar face when she got mad. And she could yell like an angry Tony.” It was Steve’s turn to chuckle when Peter shuddered. “So when we were learning our parts for Swan Lake, and I was having trouble remembering it, I tried to hide and skip lessons. I didn’t want her to yell at me. Ms. Nida knew all of the studio’s nooks and crannies, though. There was no way I was going to avoid her.

“She called out for me in each room as she searched. Her voice grew angrier with every yell. When she did find me, she slapped me over and over, and made me explain to the whole ballet troupe why they were going to be punished the next day; that it was all my fault. The embarrassment is what really frightened me in the end. I thought all of the other dancers would hate me. So my fear was of being hated.” Natasha finished, waiting patiently for Peter’s reaction.

For his part, the boy looked thoughtful for a moment. “But you’re not afraid of being hated now?”

She shook her head, smiling down at him. “I don’t like to be hated, but I don’t fear it. Some people won’t like you, kroshka, plain and simple. There’s nothing you’ll be able to do to avoid it so there’s no sense fearing it. All you can do is be yourself.”

“I know, there’s already kids at school who hate me,” he answered sadly.

“What!? Who are they? I will march down to that school-”

Steve cut him off. “Tony, you will do no such thing. People are allowed to not like Peter.”

Tony huffed. “Well they’re stupid, then. He’s perfect and brilliant and nice…” he tickled the kid in his lap, relishing in the giggles.

Steve watched them fondly. “Who’s next Peter?”

“Hmmm… You!” He pointed at Steve.

Steve smiled. “Well that’s easy. I was afraid-”

“No! You have to stand in front and tell it like a story!” Peter demanded, Tony nodding in agreement behind him. Steve sighed, moving to face the audience.

“Well, everyone knows that I wasn’t a healthy kid. I was constantly ill, too skinny, and had pretty bad asthma. It was just my mom and I, and we never had enough money, mostly because my medicine and doctor’s appointments cost so much. The obvious answer to your question, Peter, would be to say that I was afraid of dying, but it wasn’t that simple.

“I’ve never been afraid of dying. For one, my mother always taught me to believe in God, and I’ve never had trouble knowing that I’ll be in heaven after I die. Nothing could be scary about that. There were many winters when I would go to bed very aware that I may not wake up ever again.”

A harsh burst of air punched out of Tony at the same time that Peter let out a soft “oh.” Neither of them seemed to be aware of it as they watched Steve with rapt attention, waiting for more. It was easy to forget that Steve used to be so fragile. He just seemed invincible most of the time.

Steve gave them a sad smile. “That’s just how it was when a skinny poor kid got the flu back then. The flu vaccine didn’t even exist yet. I think I got my first one in the middle of the war,” he added as an afterthought. “Sometimes, being that sick and miserable, death sounded kind of nice. My body would finally stop suffering.” Steve met Peter’s tearful gaze and locked onto them. Peter had never been kept away from the reality of death and suffering. It was something Steve and Tony had agreed on before adopting the boy. He couldn’t have superheroes as parents and not be as prepared for the worst as one can be.

“What I was afraid of, was leaving my mother alone. She was so sad sometimes, lonely after my father died, and I had made it my mission in life to make her as happy as I could. She tried her best to put on a brave face whenever I got really sick, but she couldn’t hide the terror in her eyes. My mother couldn’t lose me, not if I could help it. That fear is probably the only thing that kept me alive through the worst of it. I would feel myself make the decision sometimes, the choice to not die. Because leaving her alone and sad was scarier than the pain of living.” His husband and son were both crying now, and Thor sniffed loudly.

Peter stood and faced his pops. Steve was prepared for a hug, but Peter didn’t hug him. Instead he grew very serious. “Thank you for staying alive. It was very brave.” He gave a firm nod, then sat back down. When had the night become this serious? Peter’s words surprised a small gasp from Steve. He had to clear his throat, decidedly not contributing more to tonight’s tears.

“You’re welcome. I love you.” They snuggled into the couch again, Peter forcing his dads to lean on each other to hold his tiny hands in the middle. He balanced himself on one leg from each of them. Without speaking, he pointed at Thor.

Thor beamed. “I would be honoured to tell a story, tiny Peter!” He stood so heroically, it was easy to forget he was in a t-shirt and sweats instead of his armour and cape. “It has been thousands of years since I was a child. Growing up as the son of the All-Father, I was raised as a warrior from birth. I was too strong to fear anything in Asgard or any of the nine-realms for that matter. No, I was too confident for my own good. What I did fear, was that I would not live up to my responsibilities.

“I knew from the beginning that someday, I must take over as king of Asgard. Frigga and Odin raised me well, and I knew that in theory I would be ready. But in practice, it was far too easy to fail. Technically, past the time when my body resembled a Midgardian child, I was certainly still a child in maturity and age, given Asgardian lifespans. In the 9th century AD, I was given my first task that resembled a practice run for being a king. I traveled to Midgard, and went by the name Donner. The All-Father had tasked me to promote the worship of Asgardians amongst the Norse-men. It seemed to be going splendidly, and my fear of leading and failing was fading.

“The fear was brought forth anew when I found out how the vikings used my name after I left. They slaughtered thousands of Christians in the name of the thunder god. I had never intended my followers to become so cruel. I must not have been clear enough in my leadership. It was an important wake-up call for me. The smallest mistake in handling a people could lead to disaster. That was probably what I would consider the end of my adolescence.”

The room was silent. No one was sure right away if Thor was finished. Peter finally broke the silence, “You don’t sound like you were ever a child.” His brow was furrowed in confusion. “I love you, Uncle Thor, but you’re weird.” It was definitely along the lines of what they were all thinking, but Peter had the bluntness of a child on his side.

Thor let out a boisterous guffaw. “You are not wrong, little one. The fears of an Asgardian prince are perhaps not like the fears of a Midgardian child. You may one day understand that they’re not too different either.” Steve noticed that Thor did that sometimes. He would say two conflicting things, but it sounded entirely true nonetheless. Steve supposed it came from the wisdom of his years. “With great power comes great responsibility,” the god summarized.

Peter looked filled with awe at the statement. He was so lucky to have so many cool aunts and uncles. Who else at school could say they had a god as an uncle? “Uncle Bruce, would you go next, please?”

Bruce stood in front of them all, fidgeting a little. Bruce didn’t talk about his childhood. Ever. They all had vague ideas about his history, but even Natasha hadn’t read about it in his SHIELD file. She normally valued knowing people over their privacy, but Bruce was so private and meek, it just felt wrong to pry. The scientist pulled his glasses off, wiped them with his shirt, put them back on. He glanced between Steve and Tony a few times before locking eyes with Tony. “Are you okay with me talking about my childhood with him?” he asked quietly.

Tony was the only one that knew. Bruce didn’t open up much, and had only shared small snippets with Tony in the strange twilight hours of long nights together in the lab. They came when the two were heavily sleep deprived, and usually after Tony had revealed something painful about his own childhood. Tony was deeply honoured to be in Bruce’s trust, but he still didn’t feel like he knew as much about Bruce as Bruce did about him.

The rest of the room watched them with baited breath. Even Peter seemed to pick up on the privacy of the moment and held his tongue. Tony held his best friend’s gaze. He had no issue with Peter hearing these things, his son had unfortunately heard worse. Wade Wilson’s past was pretty terrible, and the two of them seemed to attract all the children from broken homes at school. Tony liked to assume it was Peter’s amazing kindness that brought the saddest children to his side, seeking comfort. The kid’s heart was so pure and giving. Tony was only worried about Bruce. “Only if you’re okay to talk about it,” he answered eventually.

Another tense moment past before Bruce made up his mind. He sat down on the floor, smiling at Peter. “Is it alright if I sit while I tell my story, honey?” In response, Peter extricated himself from his parents’ laps and sat next to Bruce, locking their hands together. Peter gave him an encouraging smile. Bruce kept the tiny hand in his and his eyes on Peter’s through the whole story. It was so intimate, and Steve’s heart swelled. His family was so perfect.

“Well, I’m not sure how to start,” Bruce admitted quietly. “I guess I should start by tell you that not everyone should have children.” Peter nodded gravely. “My father was not a good man. At least, not while I knew him. My mother was far too good for him, and he knew it.” Bruce took a steadying breath. Peter’s hand in his gave him the strength to go on. He could do this.

“My mother, Rebecca, loved me very much. I was the center of her universe, and sometimes it made it easy to forget that my father was there on the sidelines. If we focused enough on each other, it was like we could enter our own little pretend world, where he didn’t harm us. We both feared him. If he came home smelling of booze, she would try to hide me away fast enough that only she would get a taste of his wrath, but it rarely worked.

“You see, Brian, that was his name, Brian thought he loved my mother. I’m not so sure he knew what love was. In truth, Brian loved to own her. She was his wife and that meant she was supposed to adore him. So when my mother loved me, showed me that love, he was furious. The jealousy consumed him more than his alcoholism. Brian hated me because in his eyes, I stole his wife’s attention from him. I don’t think Brian ever showed me a single ounce of kindness, only hate. He beat me bloody and told me how much he wished I had never been born, how much I didn’t deserve his Rebecca.”

“He was wrong,” Peter whispered without thinking.

Bruce smiled sadly. “Yes, he was. I luckily had my mother’s love and her cousin’s love to counter that hate. They made sure I knew that his hatred had never been my fault.” He sighed, and Steve thought he had never looked so old and worn. “Nevertheless, I feared him. One night, my mother and I packed up some bags, and were going to escape. Brian, in a drunken rage, he killed my mother.” Peter gasped. “I watched him beat her to death in the driveway, too afraid to do anything. He ended up in a mental facility and the last I ever saw him was when I testified against him in court. Brian was my only childhood fear, but I also never faced it. Peter, I,” he cut himself off. The room was deafeningly silent. “I don’t tell you this easily, and it’s not just to show how scared I was as a child.

“I was about your age when it happened. It’s okay to be afraid, but I never stopped, and that’s where I want you to be different. My unfaced fears became anxiety and fear of a lot of things around me. The only way I found comfort was not in my mother’s cousin who raised me after the murder, but in my imaginary friend ‘Hulk.’ Hulk was fearless and angry like I wished I was, and he could handle all of my fears for me. I depended on this figment of my imagination all the way into adulthood. So when the accident happened, and I got the Other Guy, it shouldn’t have surprised me. I made him.”

Peter wrapped his arms around Bruce’s neck. They hugged, tight. No one had anything they could say to a revelation like that. Tony had no regrets in letting Bruce tell the tale, and Steve was glad for it. Peter had recently been more curious about the Other Guy and how that could be his Uncle Bruce at the same time. Neither of them felt capable of explaining the ideas of repressed anger that Bruce encompassed, but Bruce had explained it beautifully and in a way an eight year old could still understand. “I love you and the Other Guy, Uncle Bruce,” Peter spoke fiercely. He pulled back from the scientist’s arms, smiling at him brightly. “You are him and he is you. I love all of you.”

Everyone was sniffling at this point. How could they not? Peter stood there, clueless to how much they were all admiring him. “Uncle Phil!” he singsonged. It was so at odds with the mood of the room, that it broke the tension. Steve could feel them all shift, changing focus and allowing the stifling emotions to dissipate. “Your turn!”

Coulson spoke the same way he gave mission reports and debriefings. Clint was grinning at the man the entire time, snickering occasionally, and Phil was expertly ignoring the man. “I’m not nearly as interesting,” he started, all dry humour and sarcasm. “I was afraid of Bloody Mary as a kid. I’m sure you’ve heard of her.” Peter nodded in agreement. He and Wade had already tried to summon her several times before JARVIS explained that it was only an urban legend. “My older sister had me convinced that her friend at school had been killed by her. She even made a fake newspaper article and obituary. My whole family got in on it. I was terrified. I didn’t successfully make it through her name three times until I was sixteen. They haven’t let me live it down to this day.”

Peter clapped and laughed before a yawn overtook him. “Thank you guys, I loved it!” He looked at Steve. “I promised I’d go to bed, so, I gotta go.” The rascal even made it as far as the hallway before Steve caught up to him, scooping up the squealing bundle.

“I think you’re forgetting one of the people in the room.” He began walking back to the group, meeting Tony’s amused expression equally.

Peter shook his head. “Nope! Daddy’s not afraid of anything.”

Tony stretched with an exaggerated yawn. “You heard the kid, I have no fears!” His shit-eating grin was begging for a smack. Peter giggled gleefully, enjoying their little collaboration.

“Oh really?” Steve cocked a brow at Tony, smirking. “Fearless Tony Stark-Rogers never needs my comfort again, huh?”

Tony stuck his tongue out. “Yeah!”

“I don’t think so, mister,” Steve made sure to put on his stern Papa voice. “This was your idea, you can finish it up.”

Tony scrunched up his nose, never able to deny that voice. Steve knew it, too, and really, Tony should be glad that the man didn’t abuse the power. “Fine, fine. I’ll go.” He stood to face the crew. If only Peter weren’t here, he’d make something meaningless up. But everyone had been so honest, and his son deserved the truth from him. “I never had to worry about money, or being sickly, or believing in superstitions, or leading worlds for that matter.” Tony allowed time for the chuckles. He was nothing if not a showman. “Being born a Stark prodigy, normal childhood fears and wants were just not a consideration. I can relate to the abusive father bit, though I didn’t fear Howard. If anything, I pitied him.

At first, I thought I was afraid of alcohol. I thought maybe it was the reason my father could be so cruel. But even then, I wasn’t afraid of it. I merely hated my father for succumbing to it. If I could drink it as a four year old and not be so mean, then clearly my dad must just be weak.” He glanced over at the minibar against his will. “No, I didn’t fear alcohol either.”

Tony began pacing. “What kept me up at night and fed my nightmares, well it was far spookier.” He quirked a lopsided smile at his son. Peter was watching him carefully. He was enjoying the show, but he knew his dad well enough to know that Tony was only pretending to be blasé. His dad was going to tell him something important, and Peter would hang on every word like usual.

“I was afraid of myself.” Clint snorted, and Natasha smacked him. “Yeah, I know how it sounds, but I was. No matter how many times I went over the data, the only conclusion I could come to that could explain why I had no friends and not even my parents loved me was that I was wrong. Something was wrong with me. I shouldn’t exist, I must be an abomination. And it frightened me.

I was afraid that I could never be good either. If I was so utterly unloveable and wrong to begin with, how could I get better? I tried lots of ways to be different, to just be someone else other than the loathsome Anthony Edward Stark, but I always came back terrifyingly me.” He frowned, trying to think of the words to make this make more sense. “The way I saw it, I suppose, was that there was two of me. There was the one doing the thinking and the feeling, and there was the scary other that somehow always ruined it for me. And I didn’t know how to get rid of him.” He shrugged. “Whelp, time for bed!”

“What!?” Peter and Clint yelled in unison. “You can’t leave it there,” Clint continued. “There’s no resolution! What kind of story telling is that!?”

“Yeah!” Peter agreed enthusiastically.

Tony threw his hands up. “Well I don’t know! I don’t have a resolution. That was my childhood fear, I answered the question!”

Peter shook his head. “Fine, I’ll finish for you!” Peter stood in front of Tony, mimicking the man’s body language. He cleared his throat. Tony was thrilled to see where this was going. “So I kept trying to run away,” Peter tried to make his voice deep. Tony’s grin was so wide it hurt. They were all laughing silently, watching the scene unfold. Peter was so cute it was hard to remember the subject matter. “I got in trouble,” Peter gave up on doing the voice. “I made friends while pretending to be not Tony. All me new friends thought I was fun and all party, but I knew the real me. The scary other.” Tony suddenly felt kind of cold. Was he so transparent that an eight year old could read him like this? He had never wanted Peter to be the one teaching everyone else how to be. It was his job to teach Peter, but he often found himself learning more than teaching.

“It was only when I finally let some people meet the real me, and found that they didn’t run away screaming, that I began to face my fear. If Uncle Rhodey, I mean Rhodey, wasn’t scared of me, then why should I be scared of me. So then I realized I was actually awesome and cool, and I met Steve who was also awesome, and we fell in love and lived happily ever after!” Peter finished big, raising his fists in a victorious stance. Tony stood in shock behind him while the rest of his family erupted into applause.

“Bravo!” Thor shouted.

“Now that’s resolution!” Clint agreed.

Peter turned to grin up at his dad. He snatched the man’s hand, and began dragging him towards his room. “Now come tuck me in, Daddy.” Tony let himself be led away, looking back at Steve with his face frozen in shock. Steve only smiled at them.

When Tony finally joined Steve in bed, he shuddered, letting the tears fall. Steve sat up, glad when JARVIS turned up the lights without being asked. “Peter hit a little too close to home?” Steve asked, pulling Tony into his arms. Tony didn’t respond, but nodded into his husband’s chest. Steve let him cry for a little longer. “He was right, y’know.”

Tony pulled away and eyed the blond with disbelief. Steve wasn’t having it, though. “No really, Tony, he was. Look at all the awesome people who love you. If you were so abhorrent, then either we’ve all lost it, or kid you got it wrong. Now which do you think is more likely?”

Tony made a noise somewhere between a laugh and a sob. “I’m still not convinced you haven’t all lost it.”

Steve chuckled a little as well, pulling Tony down with him to lie down. “Maybe it’s a little of both,” he admitted happily. JARVIS lowered the lights again, and the two men held each other until they fell asleep.