#transylvania hell sounds

[basementdoll]

Spanish Inquisition

Wednesday 13

What does this part-time Murderdoll, chicken lovin’, eyebrow shavin’, horror movie watchin’ dread head have to say for himself when Cardinal Doran asks him your questions and applies the thumbscrews? Read on and find out. Noose of the world: Brother Naki.

Weds: “Right, you must be here to ask me lots of offensive questions?”

Hammer: Usually when we do this we only get questions about how gay are you or how much dick do you love to suck, but this time we’ve only got questions about chickens.

Weds: “Cool! Questions from real fans!”

READ THAT YOU HAD A PET CHICKEN, OMAR. DID YOU JUST GET SICK OF LOOKING AFTER HIM AND EAT HIM?

Pear Black, Via Email

Weds: “No. Unfortunately, not being farmers or anything and not knowing how to take care of chickens, he died. We had a little chicken coop at the side of our guitar amps and our drums. It was the summer, we’d go to practice and leave him and he died of heat exhaustion. So I chopped off his legs and made a little memorial for him by hanging them off my guitar but they got ripped off during one gig. Peace Omar.” [Thumps heart emotively.]

Hammer: What benefits are there to having a chicken instead of a normal pet like a cat?

Weds: “None. The reason I got the chicken was cos when I was a kid people always told me that people like Ozzy Osbourne and Alice Cooper used to bite the heads off chickens live on stage and drink their blood. So for me, I’ve always associated chickens with rock’n’ roll. I never wanted to kill the chicken, I just always wanted it to be there. I'd recommend your readers get a cat instead.”

Hammer: But chickens are good for voodoo rituals as well.

Weds: “And for feathers…”

Hammer: Say if you were going to cook a chicken, what recipe would you use?

Weds: “I’m a big fan of Cajun chicken. I bake chicken pretty much every day of my life, except when I’m on tour because you don’t have access to a stove. You put the chicken in the oven and sprinkle it with salt, pepper and spices and cook it until it isn’t pink in the middle - unless you want to get sick.”

WITH ERIK JOINING NAPOLEON BLOWNAPART, BEN IN NOCTURNE, ACEY IN TRASH LIGHT VISION AND JOEY IN SLIPKNOT, IS THERE ANY HOPE FOR THE MURDERDOLLS GETTING BACK TOGETHER?

Decaying Wench, Hell, Third Door On The Left

Weds: “Well, yeah. There’s always hope. Everybody’s doing their own thing. Joey went back to Slipknot and I started doing this so everybody had to find something to do. I can only speak for myself, because I don’t know what the other guys are doing, but I’m putting 100 per cent into this and it is my number one priority, I’m going to tour this record for as long as I want to. But when the time comes right, everybody feels like doing another Murderdolls record and everybody is on the same page, then yeah, I’ll do it. But there’s no way it’ll happen next year.”

Hammer: How has the material off ‘Transylvania 90210’ been going down?

Weds: “Amazing. I was expecting to get raked across the coals but the kids have been digging it and the reviews from the journalists have been really good as well. People are telling me that it’s much more diverse than the Murderdolls; a lot more like a rollercoaster ride and it’s got many different levels to it.”

HEY TUESDAY, DON’T YOU THINK THAT THE MURDERDOLLS SOUNDS LIKE A REALLY BAD GOFF PORN WEBSITE?

Dan, Chiswick

Weds: “I don’t go to goth porn websites and I don’t think it sounds anything like one. Frankenstein Drag Queen sounds more like a goth porn website.”

Hammer: What are your views on pornography?

Weds: “It happens. I don’t find myself ringing lines or going on websites but if that’s what people do and it makes them happy then more power to them. You won’t be finding me turning up in any porn films by the way. Unlike Fred Durst.”

Hammer: He didn’t come out of that looking well.

Weds: “Fred Durst doesn’t come out of anything looking well.”

SAW YOUR TATTOOS IN METAL HAMMER AND WANTED TO KNOW THE TATTOOIST’S NAME?

Chris, South Africa

Weds: “There was this old guy that I used to go to in my home town of Charlotte, North Carolina but the guy pissed me off and I don’t go to him any more. My new guy is called Mark Evans, who did my stitches which are healing up and he did the new Michael Myers tattoo. I don’t promote my old guy because he was a douchebag.”

Hammer: Did you weep like a six year old girl watching ET when you got them done?

Weds: “No. As I was getting them done I was watching Pee-Wee’s Big Adventure so I was laughing. They hurt though. The ones on the wrists, I think I would have been better just chopping my hands off and sewing them back on: it would have hurt less. It was pretty painful.”

AS THE FUTURE PRESIDENT OF KFC, WHICH DO YOU PREFER: POPCORN CHICKEN OR A FAMILY BUCKET?

Cyhiraeth 13, Via Email

Weds: “Family bucket. Popcorn chicken is different here. In America it is actually just what is left over from the other chicken in the bottom of the tray dumped into a bucket. But also the way you guys cut chicken here is totally different. It baffles me, I don’t know what I’m eating. In America you have a leg, a breast, a thigh and a wing. Over here you have a throat, an ass, an elbow…”

Hammer: We don’t have chicken’s elbows.”

Weds: “What the hell am I eating here? It’s all fucking mixed up, I think I had a throat today!”

Hammer: Just say you developed a food intolerance to chicken what would you do then?

Weds: “I’d eat turkey. I’d just move from one bird to another. And turkey’s better for you.”

Hammer: You should try ostrich. Terminator X, the old DJ from Public Enemy, is now an ostrich farmer in the USA, that’s why he doesn’t go on tour with them because someone’s got to stay home and look after the ostriches.

Weds: “I can’t say that I’ve seen a Kentucky Fried Ostrich restaurant yet but when I do I’ll stop by. I fancy a KFO.”

RECENTLY MY MUMMY BROUGHT HOME A BABY CHICK. AS YOU USED TO HAVE A PET CHICKEN, CAN YOU GIVE ME A FEW TIPS ON HOW TO MAKE IT BE QUIET? ITS TWEETING IS DRIVING ME INSANE.

Eddie, London

Weds: “There’s no way to keep them quiet. Keep them out of the heat. Don’t feed them after midnight. They will actually eat anything you put in front of them. They’ll eat chicken, so give your chicken some KFC and watch it become a cannibal.”

IF YOU COULD REMAKE A HORROR MOVIE AND STAR IN IT, WHAT WOULD IT BE AND WHICH CHARACTER WOULD YOU TAKE?

Charlotte Humphreys, Andover

Weds: “Probably The Abominable Dr Phibes and I would be Dr Phibes because he was the master of revenge and it is my favourite Vincent Price movie. He didn’t really even have to talk to be frightening.”

HEY WEDNESDAY, I WAS WONDERING IF YOU MANAGED TO EAT ONE MILLION PIECES OF FRIED CHICKEN IN 2004 LIKE YOU PREDICTED YOU WOULD?

Storm McCracken, Paraparaumu, New Zealand

Weds: “There’s a good possibility, yeah. I lost count along the way but probably. Not this year though because I turned over a new leaf and now I only eat grilled chicken. I’ve been trying to make sure that I don’t have a heart attack before I’m 30.”

Hammer: Speaking as a bit of a tubby bastard, I was wondering how you stay so slim on such a chicken rich diet?

Weds: “It is basically not eating fried chicken. I went on a diet and I lost 40lbs which shows you how bad it can be.”

COULD A REGULAR PERSON KILL A SHEEP WITH JUST ONE PUNCH TO ITS FACE? I DON’T THINK SO.

Ken B Wild, The Fields 

Weds: “Hmmm. It depends on the person. Me? No. I can’t punch a sheep to death but say you’re Tor Johnson from the Ed Wood films, the big guy, he could probably hit a sheep once and break its spine.”

Hammer: I reckon The Thing from The Fantastic Four could waste a sheep.

Weds: “Well, Tor Johnson is probably the closest a human has ever got to being The Thing.

Hammer: What is the biggest creature that you’ve ever killed? Purposefully, that is. Not just forgetting that you’ve left a chicken in a hot room.

Weds: Probably a grasshopper. I don’t hurt animals. When I was a kid I used to do mean stuff but I don’t now. I go out of my way not to hurt stuff.”

DO YOU STILL BELIEVE IN THE EASTER BUNNY?

Goldfinger Rule 502, Via Email

Weds: “Hell yeah! He just came to my house a couple of months ago. He brought my kid a box of candy and $20.”

Hammer: What are your favorite kinds of sweets?

Weds: “I love peanut M&MS. Those things are addictive. I will eat about 10 bags a day if I don’t watch it.”

DEAR WEDNESDAY 13, ARE THINGS STILL TENSE BETWEEN YOU AND YOUR RIVAL THURSDAY 14?

Antibody, Via Email

Weds: “Yeah, we’re still going head to head. One day we’ll meet and slug it out but I will win.”

Hammer: It’s Wednesday the 13th soon, do you do anything out of the ordinary on those days?

Weds: “Not normally but this year we are doing the London show so that should be really remarkable.”

DOES YOUR MOTHER FEEL ASHAMED THAT HER GROWN UP SON FEELS THE NEED TO DRESS LIKE A SPAZZ AND WEAR BAD MAKE-UP?

Eyen, Poshland

Weds: “My mom’s pretty proud of me. She goes out and buys all of the magazines and everything else. She is totally supportive of me and is into what we’re doing.”

WHO WOULD WIN IN A FIGHT BETWEEN A GRIZZLY BEAR AND A SIBERIAN TIGER?

Bobby G, Via Email

Weds: “A grizzly man! You can’t fight a bear! I’ve seen a bear- you can’t fight them.”

Hammer: You saw a bear?

Weds: “On TV. In a zoo. You can’t fight them.”

Hammer: My Chemical Romance got attacked by a moose once. What is the biggest animal you’ve ever been attacked by?

Weds: “I got attacked by a Doberman when I was eight years old. And they can kill you. The dog had cancer and it had this giant tumour on its side and they were going to put it to sleep in a few weeks. But it came up to me while I was on my trampoline and put its legs up and started growling. I was like, ‘Oh shit, what do I do?’ So I decided to try and run down the hill to get home and the dog jumped at me, knocked me down and I ate grass. It never bit me but it stayed right on my ass growling and I just cried all the way home. Which is OK if you’re eight: a Doberman could bite your arm off!”

Hammer: If you say so. Are you nervous about dogs now?

Weds: “I’m not a big dog fan. I like cats and small dogs but big dogs give me the old phobia.”

ISN’T WEDNESDAY A GIRL’S NAME, LIKE THAT BINT OUT OF THE ADDAMS FAMILY? SHOULDN’T YOU BY RIGHTS BE CALLED PUGSLEY 13?

Mr D Monkey, No Fixed Abode

Weds: “Well you know, I don’t have to buy the rights to be named after the day of the week and yeah, I was totally inspired by the character out of The Addams Family, I’ve always admitted that and never tried to hide it. She was always much cooler than Pugsley because he was a little fat guy.”

WHY DON’T YOU HAVE A JASON VOORHEES TATTOO?

War Machine, Via Email

Weds: “It’s in the process. I’m getting Voorhees and Freddie very soon. So gimme some time dude!”

WEDNESDAY, WHY DO YOU SHAVE YOUR EYEBROWS OFF? IT MAKES YOU LOOK LIKE A PLOPHEAD.

He Man, Reading

Weds: “A plophead? A guy with a plop on his head? What is that? If you mean shit head, say shit head. You know, I shave my eyebrows off for one simple reason: my hair is blond. When my eyebrows grow out they are blond, it just doesn’t look good. I don’t have cool eyebrows, so I shave them off. You can hardly see them anyway. I do notice not having them because of the sweat. If you ever see me on stage squinting like this [scrunches up face as if in agony] that means my eyes are burning out of my fucking head.”

[haveyouseenthishorrormovie]

Stats from Movies 1501-1600

Top 10 Movies - Highest Number of Votes

Ghostbusters (2016) had the most votes with 1,257 votes. Phantoms (1998) had the least votes with 309 votes.

The 10 Most Watched Films by Percentage

The Skeleton Dance (1929) was the most watched film with 63.5% of voters out of 647 saying they had seen it. It Doesn't Get Any Better Than This (2023) had the least "Yes" votes with 0,7% of voters out of 454.

The 10 Least Watched Films by Percentage

Ghostbusters: Frozen Empire (2024) was the least watched film with 73% of voters out of 449 saying they hadn’t seen it. ¡Corten! (2021) had the least "No" votes with 6,4% of voters out of 390.

The 10 Most Known Films by Percentage

Ghostbusters (2016) was the best known film, 1,3% of voters out of 1,257 saying they’d never heard of it.

The 10 Least Known Films by Percentage

¡Corten! (2021) was the least known film, 92.6% of voters out of 390 saying they’d never heard of it.

The movies part of the statistic count and their polls below the cut.

The Houses October Built 2 (2017) Brightburn (2019) Snow Falls (2023) The Forsaken (2001) Vanishing on 7th Street (2010) The Golem (1920) Friday the 13th Part 2 (1981) Friday the 13th: Part 3 (1982) Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter (1984) Friday the 13th: A New Beginning (1985)

Friday the 13th Part VI: Jason Lives (1986) Friday the 13th Part VII: The New Blood (1988) Jason Goes to Hell: The Final Friday (1993) Manos: The Hands of Fate (1966) Hellbound: Hellraiser II (1988) Hellraiser III: Hell on Earth (1992) The Monster Squad (1987) Dracula 2000 (2000) The Apparition (2012) Ghosts of Mars (2001)

Ice Cream Man (1995) Ghostbusters (2016) Ghostbusters: Afterlife (2021) Ghostbusters: Frozen Empire (2024) Species (1995) World War Z (2013) The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2003) Village of the Damned (1995) Arachnophobia (1990) House of the Dead (2003)

Ghost in the Machine (1993) Wicked Little Things (2006) The Puppet Masters (1994) Lord of Illusions (1995) Quicksilver Highway (1997) Funny Man (1994) Death Becomes Her (1992) Cabin Fever (2002) Alien³ (1992) All Superheroes Must Die (2011)

Boogeyman (2005) The Abandoned (2006) Constantine (2005) Valentine (2001) A Nightmare on Elm Street 4: The Dream Master (1988) A Nightmare on Elm Street: The Dream Child (1989) Freddy's Dead: The Final Nightmare (1991) Godzilla Minus One (2023) Unrest (2006) Phantoms (1998)

Bordello of Blood (1996) Late Night With The Devil (2024) Terror Toons (2002) Slumber Party Massacre II (1987) The Fly II (1989) Sharktopus (2010) The Clovehitch Killer (2018) Blood: The Last Vampire (2000) The Hamiltons (2006) The Kid and the Camera (2022)

The Skeleton Dance (1929) The Stand (1994) Transylvania 6-5000 (1985) The Shining (1997) Attack of the Killer Tomatoes! (1978) Resident Evil: Degeneration (2008) How to Be a Serial Killer (2008) Ed and His Dead Mother (1993) Gremlins 2: The New Batch (1990) Elvira: Mistress of the Dark (1988)

Abigail (2024) Elvira's Haunted Hills (2001) Reptilicus (1961) The Haunted World of El Superbeasto (2009) The Last Lovecraft: Relic of Cthulhu (2009) The Haunting of Hill House (2018) It (1990) Chronicle (2012) My Name Is Bruce (2007) Valerie and Her Week of Wonders (1970)

¡Corten! (2021) The Pit (1981) Moon Garden (2022) My First Day (2017) Infested (2023) The Stone Tape (1972) Stung (2015) The Block Island Sound (2020) Sting (2024) Nadja (1994)

History of the Occult (2020) It Doesn't Get Any Better Than This (2023) Moloch (2022) The Tomb of Ligeia (1964) The Premature Burial (1962) The Raven (1963) Dracula 3000 (2004) The Rage: Carrie 2 (1999) Malevolence (2004) Cannibal! The Musical (1993)

[immediatebreakfast]

Now that we are facing this post Dracula Daily time, I tried to find if there was an adaptation that I could watch to fill the void™ in my heart for my good friends, and found this one.

This one is made by Shinichi Sakamoto, manga author of Innocent, and Innocent Rouge (if you want to read it be warned that this has every trigger warning under the sun).

I did have some hope because not only Shinichi Sakamoto's art absolutely beautiful to look at, but also Innocent + Rouge is one of the few pieces of media about the french revolution that says with their whole chest "Yes the nobility in France were parasites, the king and queen were oppresors not victims, and the french citizens under this monarchy had every right to take their country back".

On top of writing the lovely Marie Sanson executioner girlboss of all france (I'm not joking when I say that I read Innocent and Innocent Rouge ONLY for Marie.)

Drcl Midnight Children... it's a dracula adaptation... that is there.

I read the first few chapter on the Dracula Daily drought of 2022, and immediatly dropped it, but I decided to check it again with new eyes to see if I was a little biased against it. My response... Yeah this is still a no.

I don't want to sounds like I am whining because of artistic liberties taken by an adaptation, but why not make your own story at this point? Why say that this inspired by Dracula when not a single character in this manga has even the shadow of the characters from the book. I could literally change all of their names, and it wouldn't occur to me that this is based on Dracula the novel.

I have to fucking put all of this under a read more because I really have OPINIONS about this whole mess, and I warn you this is long.

God this is probably part one (1) of this.

The first deadass redflag for this manga adaptation was that the crew of light (except for Van Helsing, which oh boy) are all now children around 15 to 17 years old.

I don't have problems with age changes nor children protagonists. I even argue that this could be a really nice writing challenge to take. How to make the plot of Dracula work when the characters don't have the advantage of being adults. Since in the Dracula novel every single action, every single investigation, hell the traveling that the characters do is possible because they are abled bodied adults, and have the power of judge moneybags on their side.

But in Midnight Children they are children just because. Maybe it was done to make the characters interact with eachother from the beginning, but I really don't see the point of this change. Moreso since this manga adaptation gets really graphic, violent, and sexual in some parts. Some panels read as shock value that is put to "amplify" the gothic horror of Dracula.

The story properly begins, and STAYS on Whitby so cut all of the Transylvania part of the book that is CRUCIAL to understand the actual horror that is the Count through the eyes of Jonathan, and all of the villagers that surround the castle. I cannot stress enough how important my good friend Jonathan Harker is as main character in this part.

However, Sakamoto says nope! Instead we start on the Demeter with no explanation, no captain, and no creeping tension caused by the inexplicable happening in the middle of the wide ocean. All of the Demeter crew gets succesfully reduced to nameless sailors that die thanks to Dracula's brand new creepy moss plant powers that turn all of them into zombies so they kill eachother without him lifting finger.

Anticlimatic? Of course! Then the story cuts to an all boys academy in Whitby, Mina is the only girl student in said academy, and the trainwreck starts from there.

I do have to talk about the characters in a diferent post because if I talk about it here, this would have more words than the novel itself. But, ooooooh the downright character degradation in this manga adaptation is something else.

[wintermilori]

closed starter for @frostedflakes location: hotel transylvania - past thread

He’d only been here two days, had barely settled into his room at the hotel and only having briefly seen Clarion, the entire reason he had come back to the Isle - yet there was already an ache in his bones for his family. Specifically his three daughters, though he supposed he would also say a part of him vaguely missed his ex-wife as well. Spike and Gliss had both already called him, but he’d heard nothing for his middle daughter… which he was trying not to think too hard about, not just yet at least. They had left things a bit tense, after all, Peri being unhappy that he had refused to allow her to come along on this mission. It was likely that she just needed a bit of space, or at least that’s what Liam tried to tell himself.

It was only when he returned to the hotel for the night that he caught sight of a familiar head of blonde hair and realized the truth of why he hadn’t heard from the girl. “Peri?” he calls out, watching as she jumps slightly at the sound of her name and then tensed up at the realization of being caught. “Penelope Milori,” he changes, tone growing stern as he makes his way over to the chair that she was sitting in, acting as if it was perfectly natural for her to be here. “What the hell are you doing here? When did you get here? How did you get here? Does your mother know you’re here?” All questions he needed to know the answer to, right this moment, before he lost his mind.

[demetriandelibinaryboyfriends]

@allvalley100

Prompt: Superstition

Pairing: Hawkmetri

This is...apparently what happens when you get too into Dracula Daily XD Enjoy the crossover of all time!

This is a 4-parter—400 words total! Wanted to write more, but oh well.

***

Day 27

Victory!!! Operation Hunt-Down-Eli-Moskowitz-After-His-Mysterious-Disappearance isn’t hopeless after all!

People in Transylvania are eating up my “selling my late grandmother’s estate” cover. I guess that Alexopoulos name comes in handy sometimes!

Anyways, locals told me if I wanted info on people passing through, I’d better go see “Lord Hawk.” Apparently most outsiders come just for him? Pretty weird.

The locals did keep crossing their chests and muttering prayers whenever they mentioned Lord Hawk, but eh. Probably just superstitious nonsense. One lady insisted I wear a crucifix, and rushed off before I could tell her I was Jewish. The sheer insensitivity!

*

Day 29

Victory again! Nearly missed the carriage to Lord Hawk’s castle, but the driver made it just in time!

Funny, the driver seems…oddly familiar? Could swear I’ve heard his voice somewhere. I asked him if he’d ever visited California, and he asked what California was in a fake-sounding Romanian accent. Something’s afoot, methinks.

He drove by these blue hellfire circles and said not to worry about them. We nearly got mauled by wolves, too, but he happens to be a damn wolf whisperer. He told them to leave, and…they did? I’m baffled.

What a weird place. Hope Eli’s okay.

*

Day 30

Good news: I found Eli!

Bad news: He’s wearing his hair in blood-red death spikes and won’t be talked out of it, he believes his name’s Lord Hawk, and his teeth are sharper than I remember.

Playing along until I figure out how to proceed, which means I…may have offered to sell Eli my fictional estate.

Side note: Eli cooked me souvlaki, despite claiming he “only vaguely remembers my nerd shit.” Can’t buy he’d just guess my favorite, so…either I embedded myself in his subconscious enough to survive amnesia, or he’s gone completely insane. Hope it’s the former.

*

Day 37

Disturbing update!

I was in some side room and I stumbled into these three strange women who kept trying to drink my blood. Sheesh, how do you tell girls that kinky you don't swing that way?!

Luckily, I didn't have to. Eli burst in, pissed as hell, and practically threw one of those girls across the room! Looks like he’s been working out.

It was a lot, so I…may have fainted a little bit. Not before Eli picked me up and carried me to my room, anyways. I didn’t swoon! What am I, some kind of sap???

[kroashent]

Val-Cula Daily - May 5

Val's random thoughts as she revisits Dracula Daily (An excellent choice if you missed it the first time around). Its a long day for Jonathan Harker, and one of the more interesting ones, so bear with the long post!

--------------------

AKA: Adventures on public transit.

Once again, Jonathan's delightful business trip in which nothing will go wrong (aside from some strange behaviour from the innkeeper the night before) begins with another delicious sounding dining experience:

I dined on what they called "robber steak"—bits of bacon, onion, and beef, seasoned with red pepper, and strung on sticks and roasted over the fire, in the simple style of the London cat's meat! The wine was Golden Mediasch, which produces a queer sting on the tongue, which is, however, not disagreeable. I had only a couple of glasses of this, and nothing else.

-------------

A driver comes to pick up our traveler, and the ominous conversation does not set off any red flags:

I quietly got my polyglot dictionary from my bag and looked them out. I must say they were not cheering to me, for amongst them were "Ordog"—Satan, "pokol"—hell, "stregoica"—witch, "vrolok" and "vlkoslak"—both of which mean the same thing, one being Slovak and the other Servian for something that is either were-wolf or vampire. (Mem., I must ask the Count about these superstitions)

Yeah, this seems like you're in for a fine time Jonathan. Nothing to worry about here. That said, I really like Jonathan carting around this little phrasebook. Its cool to see that, even in the 1880s, some tourist trends remain the same! I also like the confusion over vampire/werewolf. The two have quite an intertwined history, and those who have followed my work know I have an opinion on these things!

----------------

Jonathan goes on a lovely little coach ride, and just continues to be a pleasant person so happy to be on this little business trip. In many adaptations, Transylvania seems to be always portrayed as this perpetually dark, gloomy place. But, as Jonathan remarks:

Before us lay a green sloping land full of forests and woods, with here and there steep hills, crowned with clumps of trees or with farmhouses, the blank gable end to the road. There was everywhere a bewildering mass of fruit blossom—apple, plum, pear, cherry; and as we drove by I could see the green grass under the trees spangled with the fallen petals.

Its interesting to me at how colourful and picturesque Stoker's work is, given assumptions about it. People made a big deal about bright, colourful horror like Midsommar, but its present and strong here in the quintessential Gothic horror.

-----------

Jonathan's journey on the Transylvanian bus remains a beautiful journey through the countryside, even as his fellow passengers and drivers start to get nervous as his destination approaches. Dracula's coach appears dramatically, and gives us an early glimpse of how Drac, for all of his faults, knows how to make a hell of an entrance:

A calèche, with four horses, drove up behind us, overtook us, and drew up beside the coach. I could see from the flash of our lamps, as the rays fell on them, that the horses were coal-black and splendid animals. They were driven by a tall man, with a long brown beard and a great black hat, which seemed to hide his face from us. I could only see the gleam of a pair of very bright eyes, which seemed red in the lamplight, as he turned to us.

I also love this exchange:

One of my companions whispered to another the line from Burger's "Lenore":—

"Denn die Todten reiten schnell"— ("For the dead travel fast.")

The strange driver evidently heard the words, for he looked up with a gleaming smile.

Its such a smug move and I love it.

-------------

The blue flames are one of those cool concepts that sort of vanish in adaptation. Once Jonathan switches to the new carriage, his driver keeps stopping the coach as blue lights appear alongside the road, running off into the woods and marking the spots with rocks. There's something really cool about this whole bit, a glimpse at the supernatural world beyond the main focus of Dracula and his vampiric ilk. Its not explained at this point, but its just a really cool bit of worldbuilding that hints that there's more supernatural stuff in the world. The driver also displays some Wolf Master traits here, which I'm sure I'll touch upon on a less eventful day.

-------------

Jonathan has his first experience with both Castle Dracula and the Count himself (at least, the Count presenting himself openly). Its interesting to see the description of Dracula in the book vs. the iconic look of Bela Lugosi.

His face was a strong—a very strong—aquiline, with high bridge of the thin nose and peculiarly arched nostrils; with lofty domed forehead, and hair growing scantily round the temples but profusely elsewhere. His eyebrows were very massive, almost meeting over the nose, and with bushy hair that seemed to curl in its own profusion. The mouth, so far as I could see it under the heavy moustache, was fixed and rather cruel-looking, with peculiarly sharp white teeth; these protruded over the lips, whose remarkable ruddiness showed astonishing vitality in a man of his years. For the rest, his ears were pale, and at the tops extremely pointed; the chin was broad and strong, and the cheeks firm though thin. The general effect was one of extraordinary pallor.

Drac has some odd behaviours here, but is remarkably cordial and professional. We also learn that Dracula apparently makes a good roast chicken. We never learn if Dracula himself or one of the brides is the one who actually cooks, but the fact remains that someone in the castle did. I really love the image of Dracula working in a kitchen with an apron and chef's hat to make his guest meal that Jonathan raves about (Jonathan has yet to have a bad meal on his trip and has been collecting recipes. I hope he got the chicken recipe from Drac.)

[iamgrowingstronger-blog]

Hotel Transylvania Social Game

Society, in large part, is held together by fictions. From birth, we are taught words that have been smeared and tampered in meaning for generations before us. To some, the word "Italian" is a word their family taught them to love and cherish, and to others, it is an accursed word, one that their family drilled into them hate for. Both of these meanings are entirely fictitious, yet are more binding than most reasonable laws are.

At its most basic interpretation, one of the great pillars of Christianity is its two fictitious characters: God and the Devil. The former represents all that is good in the world, and the latter all that is evil. These two are both extremes in their own right, and thus, it gives people an easy fiction to follow. Bound by stories of respecting thy neighbor and living a satisfying life, Christian order is established into people. The importance of these lessons, of course, requires the Devil to be a scapegoat for all evil. Without the darkness, we would not know the light. More than brute force, great fictions show people the truths we have deemed good, even if those truths are less true than the words of all conmen.

Hotel Transylvania Social Game, for me, is my Devil. I have played over 300 video games in my lifetime. Some briefly, some for countless hours. I have played some pieces of crap in my lifetime. Even the platformer bonus feature that came on DVDs of Illumination's The Lorax. I can say confidently that the Hotel Transylvania Social Game is the worst game I've ever played.

Produced by Zynga, a company most gamers wouldn't even consider a video game company, it is a cheap piece of crap made for people who don't have any standards for what they play. A lot of people have shit on FarmVille, but at least I get something out of that game. I can make my dumb little farms, my weird avatar, my promotional Megamind decoration. Hotel Transylvania lacks what little soul something like FarmVille has.

The game has you running a hotel. Hotel Transylvania, at that. Monsters will show up at your lobby and you must send them to a room. As you make money from this, you have to construct more rooms for more customers. That is the gameplay. It's vague enough that it sounds almost enjoyable, but keep in mind that there is nothing outside of those confines. The only strategy in the game is to provide someone who will spend less time in the hotel a room before someone who will spend more time. The main thing I can compare this game to is opening a daily chest in a game, especially since many tenants will take hours, even a full day, to conclude their stay. It's certainly about as riveting.

The customization in the game exists, but is incredibly minimal in both artstyle and how much they stand out. Everyone's hotel basically looks the same. The game's art in general is incredibly cheap to the point it feels like I'm playing a kid's game.

Even the social aspect, the very thing on the title of the game, is practically nothing. From what I remember, it wasn't much more than visiting another player's hotel and sending them a daily gift. You get far more social interaction in the general chats of most online games. I get more social interaction playing on a Minecraft server that's in a region whose language I don't know and my base is ten-thousand blocks out.

There are no charm points to this game, nothing I like about it. It is abhorrent garbage. Even something like Crazy Bus I can at least laugh at. There is no laughter here. Hotel Transylvania Social Game is the devil, and as such, resides in Hell. If you ever play it, chances are you're being tormented for your sins.

Final score: 1/10. Unforgiveable.

[haneys]

I have new ocs btw lol and once again they came to me inna dream. breezy surferbro bleached blonde. roots showing five o'clock shadow on. flip flops on. Hawaiian shirt flaying open. corny top scars tatts. he really dgaf. trans biaro. he's just kinds letting the days go by chilling and being dope. no the sharpest tool in the shed but he emits chill vibes plus is a handyman so ppl vibe with him. big family. there's also this other guy who's kinda a rich fail son that's being very burned out by the whole yoire gonna take iver the company from ur dad so now ur basicislly being ceo junior and trying to learn how to not tank it. and there's also the dad. the dad was like the fucking vampire dad from hotel transylvania fucking help me. surfbro and failson met for a brief moment because the Richfam were doing some how about we all spend a day like Nirmal People I prommy were not detached from how normal people live trust me. and then they were having like the worst day in the beach the dad was really like well this fucking sucks while the mom (I want her so bad) was like meh but also thought it was funny to see the dad be mad as hell. failson before all that was like yeah I'm straight I'm just so busy with the whole ceo thing I don't have the time to date and think abt women👍 and then he ran into the surfbro amd he was like oh I am a homo. cool. this is not confusing at all and also I'm gonna behave so normal and natural rn. surely. and it was like the worst floppiest try at flirting ever. and I mean to be fair he kinda just had a personal revelation and also tried to date like probably once in his life but still it was really funny to see. surfbrobdidnt even register he was being hit on. he was like you're kinda weird lol let's hang out. failson had like heart eyes aura the entire time. the dad was like YOURE FUCKING KIDDING ME.???? he really didn't like that. not even the fact that turns out his son is gay he dgaf it was just the person he chose. like litersly super diving behind a McDonald's wpuld get someone better. he was seething and malding. the mom thought it was VERY VERY funny exactly because he was malding. but oh well the day comes to and end and thay all can move on surely right. 🤨 wrong. anyway to make it short failson gets surfbro to work for him, mostly secretary style, since he was looking for a more stable job than his odd jobs and repair work around the neighborhood. failson is having a great time. the mom really likes surfbro and thinks he's funny to have around. all the staff loves him. the dad tries to kill him. I mean no like litersly he's so mad 80% of the dream was dad teying to kill him looney tunes style he tried to drop a piano on him. he tried to flatten him with a mullet. the got surfbro escaping a big rolling stone. litersly cartoon saw traps. but surfbro has maxed out luck Stat he isn't even AVARE. failson is like hey I know my dad doesn't like u too much I hope he haven't been giving u any problems and surfbro is like nah it's ok 👍 unaware there's an angry lion waiting for him in the break room but becayse if bizzare chain if events he ends up safe and sound and the lion mauls the dad etc. it was so so so great. genuelly the dad surfbro stuff was better to me than the gay love winning thing. truly the dream of all time

[automatic-arguments]

Kill people

First off, you're not scary. You're not even a little creepy. Hell, you're barely spooky when you try!

WHA-

Second, you still call the moster mash "ThE TrAnSyLvAnIa tWiSt" like you were there when Jack The Ripper did it

OH COME ON!

Third, you think Nightmare Before Christmas is exclusively a Christmas movie.

3:

Stop making that face. That's Tilda's thing

:3

You didn't have to go that far qwq

YES I FFFFFFFFFFFFUCKING DID

Aw man

Quick, while we've got them arguing, Smnio has started to act a bit more... robotic lately. Well, not lately, they've always sounded like a chainsaw when they get mad/confused/hurt, but now they've started freezing up whenever they don't know what to do. We're sure this isn't a robosnom thing, their source material doesn't glitch, basically ever, and we're not sure what to do

[exmcrtis]

Ann Boleyn she kept a tin Which all her hopes and dreams were in She plans to run away with him forever (Never to be seen again)

Leaves a note and starts to choke Can feel the lump that's in her throat It's raining and she leaves her coat in silence

We're sorry but we disagree The boy is vermin can't you see? We'll drown your sins in misery And rip him out of history

People marching to the drums Everybody's having fun To the sound of love Ugly is the world we're on If I'm right then prove me wrong I'm stunned to find a place I belong

Who-o is your lover? I couldn't tell When hell freezes over? That's when I'll tell O-oh means is your love her? I couldn't tell When will this stop?

Racing pacing in the dark She's searching for a lonely heart She finds him but his heart has stopped She breaks down

We're sorry but your majesty Refusing orders from the Queen Results in a monstrosity

Remembers a voice and hears him sing

[tehalchemists-blog]

How d'you do, I

See you've met my

Faithful handyman

He's just a little brought down because

When you knocked

He thought you were the candy man

Don't get strung out by the way that I look

Don't judge a book by its cover

I'm not much of a man by the light of day

But by night I'm one hell of a lover

I'm just a sweet transvestite

From Transexual, Transylvania, ha ha

Let me show you around, maybe play you a sound

You look like you're both pretty groovy

Or if you want something visual that's not too abysmal

We could take in an old Steve Reeves movie

I'm glad we caught you at home

Could we use your phone?

We're both in a bit of a hurry (right!)

We'll just say where we are, then go back to the car

We don't want to be any worry

Well, you got caught with a flat, well, how about that?

Well, babies, don't you panic

By the light of the night, it'll all seem alright

I'll get you a satanic mechanic

I'm just a sweet transvestite

From Transexual, Transylvania, ha ha

Why don't you stay for the night? (night)

Or maybe a bite? (bite)

I could show you my favorite obsession

I've been making a man

With blond hair and a tan

And he's good for relieving my tension

I'm just a sweet transvestite

From Transexual, Transylvania, ha ha

Hit it, hit it, I'm just a sweet transvestite (sweet transvestite)

From Transexual, Transylvania, ha ha

So, come up to the lab

And see what's on the slab

I see you shiver with antici-

-Pation

But maybe the rain

Is really to blame

So I'll remove the cause

But not the symptom

[dorefasolsido]

41.

1~ What quality do you value most highly in others?

Definitely stuff like emotional intelligence and warmth because I struggle with this stuff myself. I have a very hard time connecting with people on that level and when I see someone do it so effortlessly (and genuinely), I'm always really impressed.

2~ Are you more aggressive or mellow?

Mellow. I'm very conflict-avoidant.

3~ Who has made the biggest sacrifice for you?

My parents, surely.

4~ Do you take any vitamins or medication?

Not really regularly, no.

5~ Do you want to grow old with someone?

Yes, with my best friend. I want us to stay like this forever. I don't care about growing old with a partner though, I don't think such a thing is for me at all.

6~ Do you treat others better or worse than yourself and why?

I think I treat others better because I'm one hell of a people pleaser sometimes, always worried that others might drop me if I don't try my best. But I can't technically drop myself, so...

7~ What sound is annoying you right now?

Nothing's really annoying me right now.

8~ Where was your last vacation to?

Transylvania, Dracula's castle.

9~ Where was your last car ride to?

To a restaurant earlier in the afternoon, we went for a family lunch.

10~ Where did you last walk to?

Uhh, upstairs to my bedroom.

11~ What gives you a peaceful feeling?

Driving down an empty straight road at night when there are barely any cars and no people on the streets. Only me, my music, and city lights.

12~ Are you a light sleeper?

So-so, it used to be worse.

13~ When you sleep next to someone who usually falls asleep first?

Usually the other person does, just because it takes me forever to fall asleep unless I'm really exhausted.

14~ How many people have a piece of your heart?

I don't know, a couple.

15~ What do your salt and pepper shakers look like?

We don't keep salt and pepper in shakers.

16~ When was the last time you hurt yourself?

I don’t remember.

**continued from who knows when :D**

17~ Would you rather live in the city, suburbs or the country?

I'm a city person, or at the very least suburbs. I grew up in a small town and can't imagine ever returning to one for good--not while I'm young anyway. There's really nothing to do there and every day looks exactly the same. I need some vibrancy, some activity, otherwise I feel like I'm suffocating.

18~ Have you ever built something?

Yes, houses in Sims.

19~ Are you more of a maker and giver, or a taker and user?

A little bit of both, I think.

20~ Do you take naps?

Not normally, unless I pull an all-nighter. I function on very few hours of sleep without much difficulty.

21~ Do you buy holiday gifts early or at the last minute?

Lol I never do anything early, it's something I've been struggling for years. Everything's always last minute.

22~ Do you laugh when there is no joke and dance when there is no music?

I'm sure it has happened before?

23~ If someone else were to describe you what would you hope they would say?

That I'm a meaningful person in their life who is fun and easy to talk to. I never feel like any of this is true, so of course, it would be nice to hear it from someone else. I might not really believe it, but still.

24~ What is the dirtiest habit you can think of?

Hmmmmmm nothing comes to mind right now.

25~ Do you ever need ‘quiet time’?

Yeah, and I get plenty of it, working from home and all. Thing is, I need quiet time for myself, which is something I haven't had much of lately. Like, it's quiet, but there's always 50 billion things to do. I hate adulthood ;-;

26~ Do you think it is harder for a parent to outlive their child or for the child to outlive their parent?

Probably the former, though I feel a pit in my stomach whenever I imagine my parents not being around.

27~ What was your best find from a flea market, garage sale, ebay or thrift?

Well I have been to flea markets before, but tbh I don't remember at all.

28~ What is one selfish thing you tend to do?

Eat the entire chocolate instead of leaving half for my sister when she's not at home.

29~ What kinds of people do you find intimidating?

Tbh, no one in particular. Like, people who really have their shit together can be a little unsettling, but then again, I probably come across like that to some people too and that's not the case at all.

30~ Out of everyone you know who has the most unique personality?

Chris hands down. I like to befriend unconventional people, but Chris is just, I don't know where to begin to describe his personality. Sometimes it feels like he genuinely just came to visit from Mars.

31~ When do you do your best thinking?

In the shower. Running water of any kind inspires me.

32~ What was a choice that you didn’t want to make but you had to?

Well, shutting out a certain someone from my life. It was a very hard choice at the time, but yeah, I had to.

33~ Have you ever written a letter to a soldier?

I don't know any soldiers.

34~ What does your favorite coffee mug look like?

Umm, it's black with some orange Halloween motif.

35~ What age do you think it is most difficult to be?

Well I haven't lived through all the ages yet, so it may be a little hard to tell, but so far teen years and mid-to-late twenties take the cake.

36~ Do you think you could handle a day in jail?

Yeah, it's a day. Even if it's absolutely dreadful, I could handle it.

37~ Who is the most overbearing person you know?

I'm actually not sure.

38~ Have you ever been on a trampoline?

Yup, not too long ago either.

39~ What do you use batteries for the most often?

Remotes.

40~ Would you prefer to wrap your own presents or have them all gift wrapped?

I like wrapping presents (tho we don't usually wrap them here anyway), but if there were many, I'd have them wrapped. I'm really slow with arts and crafts.

[theam-cjsw]

The AM: October 30, 2023

It's the post-Funding Drive, pre-Halloween episode of the AM—a mix of a deep breath of recovery, and scattered spookiness building to an hour of Halloween-themed goodies.

Thanks again to everyone who helped CJSW reach its $200,000 goal last week, and here's to another year of offbeat sounds and independent culture at 90.9FM.

Listen on Soundcloud

Stream from CJSW

Spotify playlist

Hour One

Friends Joseph Shabason • Welcome To Hell

Death Markus Floats • Fourth Album

Data Driven Pidgins • Refrains of the Day, Volume 1

Terms of Desertion Michael Peter Olsen • Narrative Of A Nervous System

Orion Bridge Lunar Lemur • Sifting Stars

Pwintiques Land of Talk • Performances

Midi Sans Frontieres (Avec Batterie) Squarepusher • Lamental EP

Head Down Rooster37 • In Deep Water

If You Could Be Doing Anything Contagious Yawns • Intramental

A Barely Lit Path Oneohtrix Point Never • Again

Hour Two

Blue Loving • Single

Reflections of Now Tommy Guerrero • Amber of Memory

Open Yourself SHEBAD • show us it's real EP

Koestler Ivan the Tolerable • Under Magnetic Mountain

Like Coconut Water BALTHVS • Single

The Shame Holy Hive, featuring El Michels Affair, Fleet Foxes • Big Crown Vaults Vol.3 – Holy Hive

Ghost Flyers in the Sky Jenny Omnichord • Cities of Gifts and Ghosts

Skeletal Love Song Jenny Omnichord • Cities of Gifts and Ghosts

Raven Fades Various Artists, featuring Dark Time • Palomino Smokehouse: Smokeout #7

Humdinger The Space Lady • The Space Lady's Greatest Hits

Hula Girl on a Tropical Beach Orange Crate Art • Cinema Exotica: The Imaginary Films of Ryan Simpson (Original Soundtrack)

The Sky Was All Diseased Black Market Karma, Tess Parks • Friends in Noise

In the Dark MISZCZYK, featuring Lætitia Sadier • Thyrsis of Etna

Hour Three (Halloween Special)

Dracula Cha Cha Bruno Martino • Single

The Seventh Seal Scott Walker • Scott Four

Bury Me Deep Chance Halliday • Single

Dracula’s Daughter Screaming Lord Sutch • Screaming Lord Sutch & The Savages

Come With Me to Transylvania Zacherley • Spook Along with Zacherley

The Boogie Man Todd Rollins & His Orchestra • Single

Dr. Lovecraft's Asylum Serpent Power • Serpent Power

Monster Chad VanGaalen • Shrink Dust

Necronomania The Vampire Sound Inc. • Vampyros Lesbos OST

Children of the New Dawn Jóhann Jóhannson • Mandy OST

Häxsabbaten The Garrys • Häxan

Witch's Game Cool Ghouls • Cool Ghouls

[yallemagne]

#never played the games #but I tried the show #got to the second or third episode #but the blatant anti-church attitude was overwhelming #like i think on the second episode #the MC comes across two priests dragging a guy into an alley to kill him #like... what #and then they invented a new fictional organization to be the good guys in the apocalypse #THE CHURCH WOULD STEP UP TO THAT ROLE #thats when i stopped watching (elgringo300)

I hope you'll forgive me copy-pasting your tags.

YEAH. Listen, any vampire media that tries to go grimdark is the most baby shit. It's stupid. Any vampire media that utters the sentence "your god can't help you now"??? Go sit in the corner with that shit. It's like a kid on the playground playing rock paper scissors and they pick rock and someone else picks paper and they throw a fit and say "NUH UH! I use rock and sticks to start a fire and set paper on fire!!". If you are making something that involves vampires, you simply are not allowed to take yourself that seriously because you'll sound like a twelve-year-old that just found out about atheism. I should know, I was one once.

Besides that rule I have for enjoyable media, yeah. The anti-church messaging is incredibly wretched. All the church politics and the excommunication of the Belmonts was a load of horse crap.

The Belmonts (in game lore) were feared and somewhat reviled in Transylvania, they were like the Addams Family of the time, but the Church had those motherfuckers on speed dial because they knew those fuckers were the only ones who could take on Dracula (save for a few exceptions).

And Sypha was literally raised by the Church because Carmilla had her family put on trial for being witches (hint: every time someone is killed for being a witch in Castlevania? It's because of vampires). Then she was conscripted by the Church to aid Trevor Belmont in defeating Dracula. YEP, the Church canonically granted sanctuary to and then hired a WITCH. Because they were shady in the way that like, they hired people who were rejected by the community and took credit once the battle was won. Not so shady they murder every person who could kill vampires.

Like, if Netflix wanted to do something interesting with the Church, Dracula in the show IS The Impaler. He just IS Vlad Dracula Tepeş. He has bodies impaled on his front lawn. And the real man's war crimes were like... church-sanctioned. Delve into that? How does the Church and everyone else feel about that whoopsie?

Anyhow this show was fucking dumb. The only valid part was when they had Isaac exploring his Muslim faith. That plotline felt like it was written by someone over the age of nine. Because that's a thing!! Other faiths!! Those exist wow woohoo. An adult take on religion in an adult show about vampires is exploring how different faiths coexist and the meaning they have to their people in a world where demons run amok. Instead, they just go "God is dead" or whatever and focus too heavily on debunking Catholicism. I'm an atheist and I find it insulting to my intelligence. If a show cannot make vampires scary without debuffing literal god, that displays a lack of creativity.

I get into spoilers because holy shit I hate this wannabe Game of Thrones grimdark fantasy nonsense so much in hindsight.

Again I have to rant about the bullshit that is them trying to downplay the divine in a show about vampires. They try to make it out to be that only hell and demons exist, like there is no real divinity. Meanwhile, Trevor has some RANDOM PRIEST make holy water and IT WORKS. You cannot write a show where God isn't real or God is real but the Church has completely lost favour AND THEN HAVE A PRIEST MAKE HOLY WATER. And they did it twice!! A ZOMBIE PRIEST MADE A SEA OF HOLY WATER.

Also, they downgrade Death from being GOD OF DEATH to being some?? spirit that feeds on death?? their explanation was dumb and rushed.

And they try to explain away the reason why crosses work against vampires in a scene where they're like "here is this cross-shaped boomerang (a projectile from the games) from India" and Sypha is like "durr but Christianity doesn't exist there, holy symbols wouldn't work on Indian vampires" MA'AM YOU WILL NOT BELIEVE!!! HAVE YOU HEARD OF ST. THOMAS?????? Also just ignoring the existence of other religions.

May I ask your thoughts on Lords of Shadow Dracula?

Oh, I love him.

joipegr For as much shit as I give any sympathetic take on Dracula, this was one that I could stand. Mostly because of the circumstances. At least the creators divorced him so much from the original Castlevania Dracula that it feels earned. And, obviously, he's so far removed from Book Dracula that it's redundant to even point it out. They don't even call him Dracula, they call him Dracul.

So, Gabriel Belmont, right? He's in this thing called the Brotherhood of Light-- they're kind of morally grey despite the name. He's trying to defeat the Lords of Shadow so he'll be able to resurrect his dead wife who is stuck in limbo. Totally fair. See, some fantasy men lose their wives and they know how to be pragmatic about it. But it turns out that he actually can't resurrect his wife, whoops. So he takes up the name Dracul and ends up becoming the Prince of Darkness. The vibe is sort of that, no matter what, there need to be dark forces in the world they're living in, and Gabriel is the man for the job because he can keep the rest of them in check.

I think Protagonist Dracula works in Lords of Shadow because he's a Belmont in both name and function. We're rooting for him because he's gonna kill Satan, not God. In fact, he's God's silly little guy, God loves him and that's why prayer and stuff don't harm him.

It's similar, but of course not perfectly so, to Soma Cruz- the final reincarnation of Dracula in the original Castlevania timeline. In Aria and Dawn of Sorrow, he fights through an evil castle just like the Belmonts do all with the goal of preventing some cultists from turning him or some other dude into Dracula.

Compare all this to Netflixvania Dracula, who is played in too sympathetic of a light for any of his actions to feel in character. He's not evil enough, he's just a sad little man who wants to take the entire world out with him, and that's just pathetic. You watch him and his sulking and think "babe, if you want to die that bad, just do it". And then he does. He forces his son to kill him in the least climactic death ever. Boring. Why couldn't you have just died earlier, old man?

[luminnara]

Goddamn, Shit-Sucking Vampires | Lost Boys x OC Ch 10

Summary:  Vera is an unusually vicious bloodsucker who's never stuck in one place for very long...until a mysterious feeling pulls her right to the murder capital of the world: Santa Carla, California. Now, she needs to figure out why exactly she's there, where she fits in amongst the boardwalk's nighttime denizens, and how to cope with her own personal vampire-related problems. Poly Lost Boys/OC, starts just before the movie *MULTI PART SERIES*

Also on AO3!

tags:  @americancowgirl19 @ilikechocolatemilkh @siennanoelle01

Chapter 9 | Chapter 10 | Chapter 11

Max sat back in his chair. 

Well, that was certainly more than he had bargained for. 

The others were equally as shocked, and for a tense moment, no one moved. Vera wanted to find a way to simply puff out of existence, or at the very least, teleport herself elsewhere for the time being. Normally, she would like having all of their eyes on her…but this was a far cry from comfortable. Even David, who was usually so competent and in charge, looked like he had been struck by a train, and Dwayne seemed alarmed. 

Great.

Just fucking great.

So much for being allowed to stick around. 

Paul was the first to recover from the stunned silence everyone had been left in. “Who the hell is Asmodeus?”

If she weren’t so unsettled by having said her sire’s name for the first time in decades, Vera would have laughed at his unintentional pun. Instead, she felt vaguely nauseous, as if Asmodeus himself had somehow managed to permeate the air around her. 

“The Prince of Lechery,” she said nervously, wringing her fingers together. “He’s a, uh...lust demon lord of darkness and king of hell.”

She couldn’t read the look on Max’s face, and she didn’t exactly like not knowing what he was thinking. It wasn’t neutral, but there were no real emotions there. He was thinking, and he was good at keeping his thoughts to himself, probably due to years of dealing with four unruly boys. 

She didn’t like that. She didn’t like not knowing what he was going to say. It made her feel like she was at a disadvantage, like he had the upper hand. She was sure that he could hear her dead little heart pounding away, pumping stolen blood through her veins should she need to get up and run or fight. She was sure that the others could all hear it, too, and she didn’t like the idea of her mates seeing her as some scared, weak little girl. 

She wanted to be anywhere else, or she at least wanted the ability to reverse time and go back to before she had dared to say anything. She should have lied. She should have made up some vaguely ancient-sounding name and claimed that he was asleep in some crypt in Transylvania. 

But it was too late now, and she was trapped there, staring nervously at Max as he continued to mull things over. 

David glanced between Vera and his sire. For once, Max wasn’t annoying him by trying to get in his head; the older vampire was completely silent, regarding Vera with a guarded expression that suggested he didn’t trust her. His eyes were narrowed slightly in thought, and while he wasn’t revealing anything about his own thoughts, his behavior suggested that he knew a lot more about Asmodeus than he was letting on. 

David realized with a sinking feeling that Vera had been right--Max didn’t like hearing the name of her maker, and he was sure that, to some extent, she was bracing herself for when he told her to get out. She was ready to flee, to run for her life before he could kill her. 

The chaos never came, though. Max simply sighed, leaning forward in his chair again and picking his cutlery back up. “Well, I suppose that explains Thorn’s fondness for you.”

The tension in the air ebbed slightly as Vera let out a nervous laugh. She felt like she was tiptoeing on the thinnest possible ice, and one wrong move would send her plunging into icy cold waters. “I probably remind him of when he was a puppy.”

“I was assured that he was raised in one of the deepest pits of hell,” Max said matter of factly as he took a bite. “Now, how was it that you came to be? I’m sure it’s an intriguing story. It isn’t every day that someone as ancient and terrible as Asmodeus decides to sire a new vampire. In fact, you’re the only one I’ve ever heard of.”

“Lucky me,” Vera mumbled, shoving her food around with her fork.

“Don’t play with your dinner,” David sneered.

She glared at him. “Sorry, honey.”

He snorted a laugh. At least she was beginning to lighten up. 

“Ba-abe,” Paul whined. “Tell us the story!”

“Yeah, c’mon,” Marko huffed impatiently. 

She let her fork clatter onto her plate as she dropped it and leaned back. “Why do you even wanna know? It’s not that cool. In fact, it’s a really stupid story that I prefer not to tell—“

“Vera,” Dwayne spoke up, cutting her off. “You promised.”

Her eyes met his and she groaned. He was right, of course, because Dwayne was always right, and she had told him just the night before that she’d spill every last bean once they were all together. It was mostly to stall, though, and avoid talking about it for as long as possible. Some part of her was still holding on to a tiny, irrational hope that they might all just let it slide and be too focused on other things to bring it up, but luck didn’t seem to be on her side. 

Besides...they deserved to know. If they were actually going to spend the rest of their unnatural lives together, they probably shouldn’t keep secrets from each other. Especially not secrets as dramatic as this one.

With Max sitting right there, and all four of the boys looking at her expectantly, she didn’t really have much of a choice, and she let out a sigh. 

“I guess I should start at the beginning.”

“That would be wise, yes,” Max nodded, taking a sip from his cup and sitting back to listen as if this were some sort of dinner theatre instead of a story about her actual life.

Vera squirmed in her seat. Where even was the beginning? All the way back? Her human birth, or her vampire birth? 

“I was born in the fifteenth century, in Florence.” She said. “It was the Renaissance. Everywhere you looked, there was new art, new inventions…music, sculptures, those big huge frescos inside the cathedrals. Industry was booming. The city was growing. Life was good, for a lot of people, my family included. My father was a merchant…not a very rich one, but not a very poor one, either. I was the first child, and I was probably supposed to grow up and marry some man and do the same thing that my mother and everyone else did.” She laughed and shook her head. “Seems ridiculous to think about it now.”

When no one else chuckled, she cleared her throat and continued. “When I was young, my father lost most of his money, and we went from living modestly to living poorly in a matter of weeks. I remember my mother saying it was shameful, what happened, but I don’t know…he was scammed, or he lost it all gambling or something. Maybe he was just a bad businessman.” Vera shrugged. “Whatever the case…we were in the slums, with too many mouths to feed. That comfortable life I was going to have was gone. I had to help the family now, and I couldn’t wait to be married to someone first. When I was old enough to be useful, I went to work as a maid for a wealthy house, but the master was...not a nice man.” 

She held out her arm, pointing to the ugly brand mark that she had shown the boys on her first night with them. It was a simple shape, a small, crude f that Dwayne now supposed stood for the family’s name. A low growl rumbled in his throat at the sight of it marring her otherwise smooth skin, the raised, thick scar tissue standing out more among her tattoos now that she was alluding to its meaning. 

“I was given this the first time I misbehaved.” She said. “ He wanted me to always remember who I belonged to, and that even though I was only a servant on paper, I wasn’t free. He owned me. And I was supposed to behave perfectly, all the time. I was supposed to be docile, like I wasn’t there. Not seen, and not heard. I wasn’t very good at that, though, and I kept fucking up...Which made the master of the house want me, for some reason. Because I was different, maybe, or something for him to tame.” 

It was Paul’s turn to growl. Vera was wild, she was fun and she was free. She was the kind of person who did whatever she wanted, whenever she wanted, and he couldn’t imagine her hanging her head and standing in the corner quietly while some asshole in fancy clothes tried to break her. 

“He got the hots for me, and there wasn’t anything I could do about it...if I refused him, he would beat me, and if I told someone, they would just laugh and wonder why I was unhappy about my wealthy master taking me to bed whenever he could. I belonged to him and the house, after all; I was at a disadvantage, and I had to just stay quiet and behave.So I did. For a long time, I did.” She wrinkled her nose.  “Eventually his wife found out, and she was furious. She threw things, she tore my hair out when she dragged me around the room…I thought that maybe he would come to my rescue, since I was his favorite little servant girl, but he tried to defend himself by claiming that I was the one who started everything, that I came onto him and bewitched him. The lady of the house wanted me to be beaten into submission, and all I can remember is night after night of laying there in my bed, bloody and broken, praying to a god who didn’t listen. Who wouldn’t listen.”

“So what’d you do?” Marko asked quietly.

“I started praying to someone else.” She smiled weakly, staring at the blood in front of her. “Anybody who would listen, really, but I was angry. I was angry at my father for giving me a life where I had to entrust myself to someone like that, angry at the master, angry at his wife...and angry at a god who didn’t want anything to do with me. I was raised in the church, like everybody. I was a good girl…as good as you can be in a situation like that, I guess. I wondered if that was why God wouldn’t hear me, if the priests were right and I really had been ruined by going to bed with a man before marriage. But it was too late to fix, and I couldn’t absolve myself of those sins…now I know that they aren’t sins, and no one fucking cares about something like that, but back then, I was only beginning to grow angry. So I started praying to the next obvious option, and that was the devil.”

“And he listened?” David asked.

“A devil listened, I guess.” She shrugged. “One night, I’m laying there, my brand getting infected thanks to all the extra torture,  my forehead covered in sweat as I’m getting sick, my nose broken, my eye swollen...you get it. I’m barely hanging on, and in comes this man out of nowhere. He just walks into my shitty little room as if someone invited him, all dressed in black, and he tells me he can give me something better.” Vera laughed quietly. “I think I knew what I was doing. I knew whatever it was would come with a catch, but I didn’t care. I wanted out. I was going to die there, one way or another, whether it happened in an hour or in a week. He could smell the desperation on me, and maybe he was bored, or maybe he was lonely, but he was interested in me for some reason. He told me he would give me eternal life, and the strength to slaughter anybody who stood in my way. He was handsome and charming and the exact opposite of anyone in that godforsaken house, and I accepted immediately.”

“A demon turned you into a vampire?” David asked skeptically. “Just like that?”

“Just like that.”

“Why?”

“All monsters come from somewhere, right?” Vera sighed. “He turned me into a vampire the normal way. There wasn’t any special demon magic or signing my name in blood. He just grew fangs and bit me and then had me drink his own blood. He’s such a powerful demon, he can do whatever he wants...and I guess he’s the father of bloodsuckers, or at least one of them. He gave me the gift of vampirism, but…”

When she trailed off, Max spoke up. “Drinking the blood of such a powerful demon is bound to have other effects.”

“...yeah. That’s why I’m hungry all the time, I never feel full. I want more and more blood, every night. I’m strong, and assuming he still cares, I’ve got one of the biggest, most badass demons in hell looming over my shoulder...but I always want to go on a killing rampage. I always want to feed. You guys have seen how it is…I just don’t want to stop.”

“Yeah, you got one hell of an appetite!” Paul cackled. 

Marko laughed along with him, the two shrieking like hyenas while David rolled his eyes. 

“You’re worse than a newborn.” He said. “Insatiable.”

“Not like I can help it.” Vera scoffed. “I got used to the feeling of hunger because it’ll never go away. And he never goes away, either...he’s always bugging me, especially when I hunt, and he’s so powerful and so terrifying that most people won’t let me stick around.”

Everyone’s eyes slowly found Max. He was calmly looking down at his plate as he cut into a piece of meat, his movements slow and calculated. 

“I suppose it can be both a blessing and a curse, receiving this gift that we all possess.” He finally said. “We must make some sacrifices in order to enjoy our new lives.”

“Max, cut the bullshit,” David growled. “I don’t fuckin’ care about your fancy talk. Get to your point.”

His sire sighed, taking off his glasses and carefully folding them before setting them down on the table. 

“I want us to be a happy family.” He said. “We have a good life here. The nights are lively. The food is fresh. The villagers have all abandoned their pitchforks and torches. I have no desire to abandon this or compromise it in any way.”

Vera was looking down at the table in defeat. She was just awaiting the inevitable at this point. Max wanted to hang onto his territory, his little slice of heaven. There was no room for demons in heaven. 

“Asmodeus is incredibly dangerous.” Max continued. “But Thorn is proof that he and I tolerate each other, and are amicable at best. I’ll admit that I didn’t expect to hear his name tonight, but assuming he honors the very nature of the vampire itself and respects the ancient, primal forces that have declared Vera to be your mate and a member of this pack, then I see no reason to turn you away.” 

Vera looked up at him in surprise. “What?”

“I know that you must be very used to running, Vera, but you needn’t any longer.” Max smiled softly. “You’re home now.”

The boys erupted in cheers, and Vera was vaguely aware of someone kissing her cheek. She was too stunned to pay attention, though, staring at Max in disbelief. Really? She had a...home? After all these centuries of running, centuries of killing and shredding and loneliness after leaving her sire, she finally had a pack of her own? 

“Drink, Vera,” Max said, raising his goblet to her. 

She looked down at her own cup. It was full of Max’s blood, thick and red and reeking of vampire. Drinking it would cement her in as a member of her new pack. It would connect her to them forever. Was she ready for something like that? Joining a pack of immortal monsters was a big commitment. She would be stuck with them for all eternity, and if she drank Max’s blood, there would be no turning back. 

Speaking of Max…

He was watching her expectantly, waiting for her to do it. They all were, their eyes glued to her as they waited to see if she was about to make all of their dreams come true, or if she was going to get cold feet and run the other way. She could do it, with such a scary sire; Max wouldn’t stand a chance against an angry demon, and if Asmodeus was feeling generous with his favorite little daughter, he could eviscerate anyone who ever made her sad. Her sire put her in a unique position, because she could try to walk away if she really wanted to…

But she didn’t want to.

It would take some getting used to, she knew. Settling in had gone well so far, but it had almost felt like some sort of vacation, and with the boys’ sire actually being involved, it was far more daunting. Max being in charge of her would be the hardest part to stomach, probably, and she would have to accept that she would be expected to actually listen and obey him, even when she didn’t want to. 

But…she would be with her boys. 

Her rambunctious, dangerous boys, whom fate had already tangled her up with. Having to listen to Max seemed like a small price to pay for getting to spend eternity with them, and as Vera looked into her cup of blood, she smiled. An eternity…forever was a long time, but if there was one thing that vampires had, it was time. Time to kill. Time to love. Time didn’t pass the same way as it did for mortals, and as the fear ebbed away, Vera raised the cup to her lips, and drank.

-0-

As dawn approached and the boys all flew to their roost, Vera found herself snuggled up in the middle of all four of them. She was facing David, leaning her cheek against his chest as he held her with an arm around her waist, Dwayne behind her and Paul and Marko at her sides. They were over the moon, running their fingers through her hair, crooning and humming as their fangs scraped her throat. 

After she had taken a sip of Max’s blood, the boys had been ecstatic. They whooped and hollered and picked her up to spin her around, kissing her eagerly as their sire sat back and smiled to himself. Max’s perfect family was nearing completion, it seemed, and he was pleased. If only he could find himself a lovely mate, then everything would be as it should. 

One thing at a time, though.

“Welcome home,” David murmured in her ear as the others all huddled close. 

Vera hummed in response, nuzzling into his chest. “Right where I wanna be.”

She could feel him puff up slightly, trying to make himself bigger. “We’ll celebrate tomorrow.”

“I wanna celebrate now,” Paul whined, pressing himself up against Vera’s side. 

“Yeah, I’m way too awake to sleep.” Marko huffed, trying to nuzzle into the crook of her neck.

David gave them a savage snarl. “Back off, dickweeds.” 

Neither seemed very inclined to listen to him, instead more focused on trying to get closer to Vera despite already being shoved up against her. As he was jostled and shoved, David growled, baring his fangs in a show that would normally work on the two rambunctious younger vampires…but they were unfazed, licking up the sides of her throat and peppering her face and shoulders with kisses.

She just laughed, clinging to David’s chest with one hand while she reached for them with the other. It wasn’t until a low rumble sounded behind her that her attention was finally dragged away from the blondes, and she craned her neck to see Dwayne looming over her. 

“Sleep.” He said as he brushed his nose over her head, his voice low and velvety soft. 

Paul groaned. “But we—“

“Sleep.” Dwayne interrupted, more sternly this time. “We can talk in the evening. Vera’s tired.”

And she was. 

She was fucking exhausted. 

Joining a pack was fun and all, a rush of adrenaline, but now that she was back home, she was tired. Her very bones felt tired. She just wanted to sleep, and not think about anything for a while. She wanted to keep ignoring that curious little prodding that she felt at the edge of her mind, from the shadowy figure that was trying to shove his way in. Asmodeus was a king of hell, sure, but he was going to wait, dammit. 

“Fine.” Marko heaved a dramatic sigh and practically collapsed into Vera’s side, burrowing his way in for some cuddles. 

David was ready to snap at him, but Vera was already too relaxed, purring contentedly against his chest. The other three all inched closer, and after several quiet moments, they were all asleep, safe and sound, one big, happy pack. 

[th3-0bjectivist]

[DR. FRANK N. FURTER]

How do you do, I

See you've met my

Faithful handyman

He's just a little brought down because

When you knocked

He thought you were the candyman

Don't get strung out by the way I look

Don't judge a book by its cover

I'm not much of a man by the light of day

But by night I'm one hell of a lover

I'm just a sweet transvestite

From Transexual, Transylvania

Let me show you around, maybe play you a sound

You look like you're both pretty groovy

Or if you want something visual, that's not too abysmal

We could take in an old Steve Reeves movie

[BRAD MAJORS, spoken]

I'm glad we caught you at home. Could we use your phone? We're both in a bit of a hurry

[JANET WEISS, spoken]

Right

[BRAD MAJORS, spoken]

We'll just say where we are, then go back to the car. We don't want to be any worry

[DR. FRANK N. FURTER]

Well you got caught with a flat? Well, how 'bout that

Well babies, don't you panic

By the light of the night, it'll all seem alright

I'll get you a Satanic mechanic

I'm just a sweet transvestite

From Transexual, Transylvania

Why don't you stay for the night? (night) Or maybe a bite? (bite)

I could show you my favorite obsession

I've been making a man, with blond hair and a tan

And he's good for relieving my tension

I'm just a sweet transvestite

From Transexual, Transylvania

Hit it, hey!

I'm just a sweet transvestite

From Transexual, Transylvania

So come up to the lab and see what's on the slab

I see you shiver with antici...pation

But maybe the rain isn't really to blame

So I'll remove the cause, but not the symptom

Lyrics provided by genius.com