#transmasc lesbians have nothing to do with me they say nothing about my identity

[thecommunityoftrustworthysinks]

didn't reblog this and covering op's url because these are 100% valid personal feelings to have, i just wanted to add a comment because i felt this way (and still do sometimes!) a LOT about when people would say cis butch women and trans men had blurriness between them and things in common, because my gender is not remotely related to women. but that's not what people mean when they say things like that. they're speaking to genderqueer and nonbinary and multigender people, and people who identify as trans women and gay men, people who identify as trans men and lesbians, people who have complex and multifaceted relationships with their genders, and how you can't determine someone's experiences from their gender, or their gender from their presentation. it's not saying at all that gnc cis people and trans people are the same thing! especially not to any individual person.

(and the post does say cis but it’s entirely possible for people to identify as cis and still have complicated genders related to their presentation or sexuality or anything. gender and queerness are fucky, and how we all operate in the world is not clear cut by identity)

my gender is completely unrelated to women, and there will be masculine women (including cis ones) who have experiences in common with me in relation to gender. that's fine. historically, there was tremendous overlap in communities of drag queens trans women gay men, and drag kings trans men and lesbians. that's one of the many beauties of queerness.

again, op's feelings here are completely fair and i understand them very much. this is something ive also had very strong reactions to. and there's a lot of truth in saying that you should not treat trans people as if they're the same as gnc cis people (unless that's something they've expressed being comfortable with). and that also doesn't mean that there are never any experiences trans and gnc people have in common, or that there's no one who straddles that line

[genderkoolaid]

The transandrophobia brainrot has hit tiktok hard. There's a sound going around right now that uses the T slur in a reclamatory way, but whenever a transmasc person uses the sound people lose their minds saying it's transmisogynistic for them to use that word. But when cis male drag queens use the audio it's a slay.

My answer to those people is Get Kate Bornstein'd:

Tranny. Many people don’t know the history of the word, they assume it was an assigned hate term or slur along the lines of the “n” word. That’s not how it happened. Tranny was invented by us in Sydney, Australia in the 1970s where drag was a big deal, and still the best drag shows ever are in Sydney, Australia – they’re amazing. So a lot of trans-identified women who were assigned male at birth did drag, that’s how you made your living. And so they were transsexuals, transvestites, drag queens, and they were all doing drag to make money. They all bickered amongst each other who is better than who, “Well the drag queens are better,” “No, the transsexuals are better.” “You are all freaks, we’re better.” And on and on and on. But they worked together and they were family together, so they came up with a word that would say family and that was tranny. In Australia they do the diminutive, that’s how they come up with words. So tranny. I learned the word in the mid-1980s, late 1980s from my drag mom in San Francisco, Doris Fish, who was the city’s preeminent drag queen and she’d come from Sydney. And she schooled me in this word tranny, she said, “This way it means we’re family, darling.” “Thank you mama.” [...] So we used it and we were trannies together. And F to M was just beginning to start, the trans men were just beginning to become visible, Lou Sullivan was a neighbor of mine around the corner, and he was the first big out trans man, wrote his book. So trans men and cross dressers . . . cross dressers were also family. Transsexuals, we were all trannies and that felt good. That got into the sex industry and became a genre – there was tranny porn, there were tranny sex workers – chicks with dicks, she-males. [...] And, my only guess is that people who . . . because the only way they would have found out about the word is if they were watching tranny porn or having been with a tranny sex worker and then hated themselves so much that they turned it into a curse word. So it’s not really technically correct to say we’re reclaiming a word – it was always ours. So, many people mistake the word for the hatred behind the word and, in my generation, and I’m sure in future generations of trans people, tranny is going to be a radicalized, sexualized identity of trans in the same way that faggot is a prideful identity in the gay male community – not all gay men are faggots, but those who are are proudly fags and those who are dykes are proudly dykes within the lesbian community, trannies are proudly tranny within the transgender community. Does that mean we can’t call ourselves that because some trans woman does not want to be called a tranny? No. I’m going to keep calling myself a tranny. To the trans woman who gets called tranny, I’m sorry – as soon as . . . you’ve got to look at why you’re getting called tranny and if you don’t pass, you’re going to be read as a transgender person and then you fall back on the cultural view of trans folk which is freak, disgusting, not worth living, we can hurt you. It has nothing to do with the word, it has everything to do with the cultural attitude. So the word has stirred up a shit storm, but it’s not the word.

^ From this interview

Four weeks ago, Bear posted a call for submissions on his blog. In the interests of keeping the call as open as possible, we agreed to include as many trans-identities as we knew, so we used the word "tranny." And that's where the activist shit hit the postmodern fan base. People have been pissed. Here's their argument: FTMs are co-opting a word that belongs to MTFs. The word "tranny" belongs to MTFs, reason those who were hurt by our use of the word, because it was a denigrating term reclaimed by MTFs—ergo, only MTFs could be known as trannies. I spoke with Bear, and we agree that’s wrong on several counts:

Tranny began as a uniting term amongst ourselves. Of course it’s going to be picked up and used as a denigrating term by mean people in the world. But even if we manage to get them to stop saying tranny like a thrown rock, mean people will come up with another word to wound us with. So, let’s get back to using tranny as a uniting term amongst ourselves. That would make Doris Fish very happy.

It's our first own language word for ourselves that has no medical-legacy. 

Even if (like gay) hate-filled people try to make tranny into a bad word, our most positive response is to own the word (a word invented by the queerest of the queer of their day). We have the opportunity to re-create tranny as a positive in the world.

Saying that FTMs can’t call themselves trannies eerily echoes the 1980s lesbians who said I couldn’t use the word woman to identify myself, and the 1990s lesbians who said I couldn’t use the word dyke. 

At one phase in the evolution of transpeople-as-tribe, it was the male-to-females who were visible and representative of trans to the rest of the world. They were the trannies. Today? Ironically true to the binary we’re in the process of shattering, the pendulum has swung so that it's now female-to-males who are the archetypal trannies of the day. The generation coming up beyond the next generation, i.e. my tribal grandchildren are the young boys who transition to young girls at the age of five or six. They’re the next trannies. None of us can own the word. We can only be grateful that our tribe is so much larger than we had thought it would be. How to come together—now that’s the job of the next generation of gender outlaws.

^ From Who You Calling A Tranny?

We've been having this debate forever and its been stupid forever.

And its an increasingly outdated debate. More people know about trans men&mascs than ever and there are plenty of TM&Ms who have been called tranny by transphobes who don't give a shit about this distinction. And not just people who have been mistaken for transfems, either, but men like Andrew Jonathan Blake-Newton and Saye Skye who were attacked by people who knew them. Do they have more or less of a right to say tranny than a trans girl whose never been called it by a transphobe? (Neither. Because no one owns this word.)

[is-this-yuri]

i think maybe the only thing that can't be yuri is trans men (unless a trans man feels differently about this)

hi let me tell you all a secret

i'm transmasc and also a lesbian. i consider myself butch. i'm in a relationship with a wonderful girl who is also a lesbian, and we joke about being yuri occasionally.

my pronouns are he/him, i have a beard and a deep voice, i've had top surgery, and to the general public i appear to be a cis man. i like it that way! i believe this aesthetic is as far on the butch side of the butch/femme spectrum as you can get. men, even cis men, can be butch. it just happens to be the default for them due to cultural expectations, so we don't generally think of it like that.

i never felt quite comfortable with the gendered expectations of being in a straight relationship. i've been reading yuri since i was a tween, and back then i considered myself a lesbian too. once i realized i wanted to transition to male, i thought i had to let go of the lesbian label, even though i didn't really feel straight. i even felt guilty and creepy for reading yuri, so i stopped doing it for a while.

i've always related to lesbian romance more than straight romance, so i decided to not let go of the lesbian label for myself. i'm also very lucky to be dating such an understanding girl that can look past my flesh shell and love the real me inside, and our love is very gay, despite appearances.

this may be a rare story, but it is real! yuri, yaoi, gay, straight, man, woman, they're all just words we use to imprecisely attempt to describe an infinitely complex reality. all words are like that. we made them up to create pretty much arbitrary dividing lines, and now most people insist on following those lines to a T. even though many people don't even agree on where those lines lie!

the truth is, words are fake. but love is real. self expression is as fluid as the blood in our veins, and true identities are as numerous as individuals.

and while yes, words are useful as a tool to communicate, they should not be mistaken for the reality they attempt to describe. the beauty of a tool that can change is that you can use it however you want. i will respect your words, and i'd want you to respect mine too. we can use different words to describe the same thing and still agree. there's no point in us telling each other we're using the tool wrong, as long as the job gets done.

what i'm saying is we should all take this stuff a little less seriously. describe yourself however you want, and i'll respect that! you can do whatever you want forever. but in a queer and open minded world, nothing and nobody are exempt from potentially being yuri.

[trans-androgyne]

People saying "AFAB transfems" will further muddy the waters about the oppression "actual" transfems face baffles me, because...where are the AFAB transfems? Oh, they're an incredibly small minority in the community, and often it's an important label intersex people use because they can't relate to perisex trans people's journeys of transition, due to how their bodies are medicalized and don't fit into the sex/gender binary? Like no matter what the discourse, ultimately, people are getting their knickers twisted about a very small group of people. The majority of the queer community will still think of transfem as "a person assigned male who transitioned into a woman" just as the majority of people view lesbian as "woman who exclusively likes women" even though lesbian communities have a lot more nuance than that (transmasc lesbians, nonbinary lesbians, bisexual lesbians, etc.) The side effect of the obsession with these boxes is people view it as a threat when someone doesn't fit into this box. They think, "I refuse to completely destroy my box just so you (a faker) can fit into it." When again, you can retain these broad, widely understood definitions of these labels! while also giving room for a variety of experiences.

Not to mention, most AFAB nonbinary people aren't going to identify as AFAB transfem just for kicks! This is the group I'm part of, and I know we just adore hating on the Theyfabs (there are real conversations to be had about privilege, power dynamics, but there's no denying that much of the discourse is thinly veiled misogyny), but there is no way being AFAB transfem will "catch on" with us. Because again, you've seen this hot garbagefire of a discourse.

And I saw someone mention an AFAB person who pretended to be transfem and spread incredibly harmful information in their spaces. But like, that wasn't an AFAB transfem, that was an AFAB pretending to be an AMAB transfem. Because they would've been kicked out of the space much earlier if they identified sincerely as an AFAB transfem, the identity isn't the problem here, it's the behavior.

I'm willing to believe more often than not, people who identify as AFAB transfem have genuine, sincere reasons for doing so. And you'll get a lot further listening to their lived experiences than painting them as chronically online uwu idiot teenagers who don't care about what words mean, blah blah. I've already found one story from an AFAB intersex transfem who underwent a masculinizing puberty, and others assumed she was a trans girl on puberty blockers. And it's a safe bet that any perisex people I see identifying this way will have a similar nuanced experience.

Excellent analysis that puts a lot of my thoughts into words, nothing to add

[scourgefrontiers]

yall ready for a gender journey post..

so yall could probably guess i grew up a cis girl. i didnt start questioning my gender until high school after i broke up with my first boyfriend which kind of freed me up to explore my identity as my own person for the first time. around age like 16 was when i first started identifying as trans, and at the time that meant a binary trans guy

after a couple years of getting comfortable exploring my gender i decided hey maybe im actually not a binary trans guy but instead nonbinary. still transmasc and guy leaning but not quite all the way anymore. this became a trend for the next loooong while, getting closer to the androgynous part of the spectrum as time went on

then in recent years (maybe about 5 years ago ish) i started to lean more towards femininity. this is significant for me because growing up i was always opposed to it--i hated wearing dresses, i hated putting on makeup, anything "girly" appalled me and i didnt know why. i ended up thinking its because i WASNT a girl, and thats why i was so uncomfortable with everything to do with being a girl. i rejected it so hard because it just wasnt me.

after living with eden for a while i got even more comfortable exploring the feminine part of myself. i started wearing dresses and skirts and actually ENJOYED it; i started painting my nails and wearing earrings again; i even grew my hair out to my shoulderblades (yeah thats where its at now LOL). ive even started using she/her alongside they/them. and im actually enjoying these things??? it feels like after all these years im finally able to reclaim them because i feel like im finally able to be comfortable with my gender--how my gender feels to ME, not to everyone else.

that was the problem when i was growing up--i was trapped in everyone else's perception of my gender and what it "should" be. i was trapped into a box that was made by everyone else's idea of what i SHOULD look like, what i SHOULD wear, what i SHOULD act like, etc. and it took me until age 26 to fully realize that my gender is what i want it to be, not what everyone else wants.

i dont have to be a guy to want facial hair and a flat chest and a low voice. loving pink and dresses and cute things and makeup and jewelry doesnt inherently mean im a girl. pronouns, features, clothes, even names dont inherently mean youre one gender or another. your gender is defined by you and only you and nobody should be able to put you into a box and define your gender for you.

..having said all this, im starting to explore my gender further, and im slowly coming to the POSSIBLE conclusion that i might come back around to being cis (albeit gnc). nothing would really change about me except the label tbh. if i do end up coming to that conclusion i will be very bummed about leaving the trans community, but i wont feel any less attached to it, as ive spent literally half my life as part of it. i understand what its like to be trans and to love myself as my most authentic self, and thats why im considering this possiblity!

identifying as a lesbian kind of pushed me in this direction as well--i cant remember the last time i felt truly comfortable and happy with a label regarding my orientation.. like ya damn. maybe i am a girl who likes girls LOL. it just feels right and natural for me personally??? its crazy. i love women. if youre a woman i love you no matter the flavor. i love my wife more than all of you though sorry <3

but god please dont take this as me being like "oh trans people just need to get comfortable with their gender and theyll realize theyre cis" that is a bullshit take and i am not saying that. this is strictly my own experience and journey! i am 100% not speaking for every trans person and you shouldnt either.

but ya. dan cis era???? we'll see. no official statement just yet but i just wanted to let yall know where im at in my ~gender journey~. until i confirm anything please still view me as a nonbinary girlthing! <3

[fraudulent-cheese]

Oooh Gen 1 then (for gender and sexuality headcanons)

- 🦴

OohohohohoOHOHOHO OH BOYYY

Ok i'll go in elimination order again!

Ezekiel: Hmmm... I'd say he's cishet but i have seen neat art of transmasc zeke soo idk!

Noah: cis bisexual, but transmasc HC is neat

Justin: cis bisexual ace, but intersex Justin's really good too (edit: nevermind im adopting the intersex HC now)

Katie: intersex fem lesbian

Tyler: cis bisexual with a heavy preference for women (Alejandro was his awakening because funny)

Cody: cis bi who realised it because he was crushing on both Trent and Gwen

Beth: you know what enby Beth's winning me over! pan too

Sadie: cis bisexual

Courtney: cis lesbian who was in denial about it for a longgg long time

Harold: transfem lesbian ace

Eva: cis graybisexual

Trent: non binary aromantic pansexual

Bridgette: cis bisexual (and polyam!)

Lindsay: i like her being aroace but bi is good too. also transfem!

DJ: cis aroace? or at least arospec.

Izzy: genderqueer (she/they/it, presentation fluctuates) aroace, who's not particularly invested in romantic relationship but will roll with it if she likes the person enough

Geoff: transmasc pan (and polyam!)

Leshawna: cis lesbian

Duncan: cis bisexual who's very deep in the closet

Heather: oh boy... she really struggled with her identity growing up so she'd most likely keep it unlabeled entirely since nothing really fit (and she isn't chronically online like sierra or zoey), but personally i see her as being somewhere on the girl spectrum, and a demiromantic asexual lesbian.

Gwen: Honestly the trans HCs all rule and so do the aromantic headcanons, but my personal ones are enby + bisexual ace

Owen: cis bisexual, like he's so bisexual it's crazyyy

Sierra: cis, and i tend to ping pong between aroace and just lesbian ace? or aro lesbian. POINT IS, on the ace and/or aro spectrums and she likes girls

Alejandro: OH BOY 2: ELECTRIC BOOGALOO Like Gwen i like all the trans HCs, there's no way this guy is cis and if he seems like it in any of the content i make it's because he hasn't had the gender crisis yet, or he's transmasc. Generally i default to enby though, like the kind that really doesn't give a fuck about their gender. As for orientation, like Heather he wouldn't care much to label it but i tend to think of him as demiromantic ace who likes guys.

And you know what? i'll include a couple RR characters too!

Emma: cis lesbian

Kitty: cis aroace (i WILL not budge on this one)

Brody: cis bisexual (and polyam!)

[virovirokun-has-adhd]

Hollow Shell of a Man

"Oh if only there were words to describe how disappointed I am in you"

[ABOUT]

Names ::

-> Fizziepop! [or just Fizz for short ehehe]

-> Viro

& more

∘₊✧──────✧₊∘

he / xem / h3 / vi / ren / it / zomb / static / mach / they

transmasc , genderfluid , catboy , luniboy , demiboy , cybrgender

lesboy , demirose , a-spec , qplatonic , aesthetic attraction , ambiamorous , robosexual

[#flags 4 me tag] \\ [gender & tertiary attraction] \\ [pronouns.page]

∘₊✧──────✧₊∘

ADHDer + minor sensory issues

-! taken & in a polycule !-

-! w/ @mayday-mayd4y & Malware @m0memto-mori <3 !-

"Strong believer of being queer being about defying societal norms about gender and sexuality and not about depending on feeling love at all"

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[LINKS]

Discord Servers Masterlist

Tags <- (outdated)

FIXATIONS , DNI & MORE UNDER THE CUT

[FIXATIONS]

=ordered by how intensely I'm fixated=

Transformers

Regretevator

ULTRAKILL

Electric Dreams

Gravity Falls

Pressure

Lone Echo

Mogai/Liom Community

RotTMNT

Ponytown

∘₊✧──────✧₊∘

[DNI]

anti any of my fixations

queerphobic / exclusionary towards any of my identities

-- (including polyamory , ace/aro , mspec identities , mspec lesbians & gays , lesboy && xenogenders)

radfems.

ableist

proship/darkship / pedos / tcest

disrespectful to others' beliefs

zionist / neo nazi / racist

dsmp stans / apologists / "kinnies" (cc&c!) [genuine system kinnies are fine] / ect. *

anti system / plural & anti endogenic/non-traumagenic system

anti kink

-- (this isnt just u thinking some kinks are gross this is genuine lowkey kink-shaming with no respect or regard for the kink haver's feelings)

nsfw/porn blogs

-- (unless i follow you first ig)

-- (i'm kinda sticky on these grounds, but im ok with valveplug)

*(for clarification idc if you still watch old dsmp creators' content (other than dream ofc bash that pedo's skull in) idc, i still watch Ranboo & stuff so as long as you're not trying to apologise for their wrongdoings / saying they've done nothing wrong, you can interact. Additionally if you support Dream or Wilbur for their wrongdoings stay the fuck off my blog and do not fucking interact. We support Shelby/Shubble here whole heartedly)

[OTHER]

I occasionally use Cybertronian terms or slang in my everyday speech, whether its referencing a body part

- (helm=head, processor=brain, servo=hand, optics=eyes)

- or to replace swearing (frag=fuck, scrap=shit/crap)

- or just talking about Primus in the place of Jesus/God or whatever

I oftentimes struggle with tone in text so tonetags are immensely helpful :D

I meow a lot, I sometimes refer to "cat brain" when my brain stops working like a human's brain should and I forget things

∘₊✧──────✧₊∘

[HOUSEKEEPING]

=just some general rules i have=

Don't DM/PM me out of the blue. (duhh)

Don't send hatemail or things you know/think might trigger me.

Don't do the above to any of my moots/friends/partners either, if you do this you will be blocked as soon as I find out what you've done.

Stay in your lane, don't interfere with conversations / rb threads that's just common sense.

If I didn't reference you directly then I am very most likely not talking about you.

I only roleplay with people I'm closest to. (usually my partners)

Be kind obviously

[SIDEBLOGS]

@kingalice-not-so-villain-au - Sona AU with my good friend @bananabiskit

@fizziedraws - art blog

Old Pinned Post =]

[OTHER SOCIALS]'

FlipAnim

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IMAGE BRACKET

[theygender]

What is a stone identity?

Stone (as in stone butch/stone femme) is a lesbian sexual identity that describes what someone is/is not comfortable with during sex

The term is most often used to describe stone butches (like myself) and in this usage it means that the butch in question is only comfortable giving stimulation during sex and not comfortable receiving it. This may be due to a number of different reasons including dysphoria, trauma, sensory issues, just plain personal preference, etc. Due in part to the frequent correlation between dysphoria and stone-ness there's a stereotype of stone butches being Super Masculine (many outside of the community even think stone butch just means super-masc) but that's not always the case bc not everyone who's stone has dysphoria, not all butches with dysphoria are transmasc, and gender ≠ presentation. I myself am a nonbinary butch who presents fairly androgynously, but the way I dress has nothing to do with my sexual preferences

Stone femme is a less-frequently-used term, in part bc there can be some confusion over what it means. Some femmes use the term stone to mean the same thing it does in stone butch: a femme who is only comfortable giving and not receiving. Others use it to mean the exact opposite: a femme who is only comfortable receiving and not giving, a sexual identity which has also historically been called "pillow princess" or more recently "high femme." I can't speak in too much detail about the experiences of stone femmes because I'm not one myself, but I know pillow princesses often face a lot of shit outside of stone spaces and as a result many stone butches (including myself) are fully ready to square up in their defense at any given time

There's other facets of being stone that are harder to explain. Navigating dating and sex feeling like you're broken, until you find out there's a word for people like you, with a vibrant history and community, and you're not alone. The fear or experience of having partners who don't understand try to pressure you into doing things you don't want to do, or judge you and think less of you because you won't do those things, and the sense of safety and relief you feel when you finally find someone who understands (especially if they themselves happen to be on the opposite side of the spectrum from you—pillow princesses deserve the world 🙏)

This sense of community and belonging has kind of built it up into something that goes beyond just sexual preferences to become an identity in its own right. Even in completely non-sexual contexts I love the comfort of just being in the same spaces as other stone butches and stone femmes/pillow princesses/high femmes, and the blogs I follow that discuss it often have really insightful things to say about butch/femme dynamics, sapphic sexuality, and lesbian gender that just make me feel seen

Sorry, this is probably way longer of a response than you were expecting, but uh. That's what stone means to me!

[farmerlesbian]

hi farmer lesbian!

so ive identified as bisexual for a long time but ive discovered recently i feel very comfortable within the lesbian ideas of gender and specifically the butchfemme community. i’ve been dating someone recently who also identified as bisexual but has related to transmasc lesbians understanding of gender as well as posts about butches. we both kind of see ourselves within the butchfemme dynamic but i’ve been very tough on myself with calling myself a lesbian because i’ve dated a man before (…in middle school..)

it’s gotten to the point where i’m really worried to label myself because of what it’d imply for my partner? but also what people would say? and while i know i dont HAVE to label myself it just sucks to know theres an identity im drawn to and feel like i fit into that i cant immediately slip into

hmm i'm not really sure how to guide you here. i guess i want to challenge you on some of the things you're saying here, it feels like you're coming at this from maybe the "wrong" angle (wrong feels too harsh a word, maybe just not the most helpful angle)

you're worried you can't call yourself a lesbian because you dated a boy in middle school? i think.. a LOT of lesbians dated boys in jr. high and high school and there are lots of late in life lesbians who were married to men for years before figuring out who they are and coming out. this is all completely normal and common. like, dating one boy in middle school doesn't really mean much tbh. i wouldn't base your identity or label you use around something like that. i dated a bunch of boys in high school and early college when i was still figuring out who i was. your labels or identity or gender or sexuality don't need to account for all you life experiences and past. it's not so much about your sexual history but describing who you are *now*, what you're interested in, in the present.

you say both you and your partner really like Lesbian Genders and butch/femme stuff. that's nice, but liking and relating to lesbian culture and gender stuff doesn't make you a lesbian haha! it's who you're attracted to and who you're not, that determines your orientation. gender and orientation are different things, as i'm sure you know. obviously very connected and stuff. like, for example, just because someone identifies as a man it doesn't make him straight, even though heterosexuality is an integral part of manhood, in the dominant culture. gay trans men are certainly not rare! the same goes for you guys.

also, remember that transmasculinity is a broad umbrella and encompasses a wide variety of people and their identities and experiences. plenty of butches aren't transmasc, and probably most transmascs aren't butch.

i will tell you that in the course of running this blog and being on the internet, i've probably seen and shared thousands of photos and drawing of people. not once have i ever seen something that represents me and my wife. if you are seeking out representation or examples of the options to be, in order to figure out who/what you are, i would advise against that. seek what feels true to you, what feels honest and right. you do not need to be similar to other people in order to find belonging, acceptance, and community. (though of course this is absolutely nothing wrong or bad if you do find others just like you, if you do fit in to existing roles and dynamics! that is of course perfectly normal!)

now, i don't know you or your partner. you know yourselves best. i can't tell you what you really are or really aren't. and i certainly am not going to tell you what you can or can't be! everything i'm saying here is to prompt you to think about and questions to ponder for yourself.

so, i think you have some points to think about, why have you been identifying as bisexual? what is drawing you to the lesbian label? have you tried using 0 labels and not thinking about your identity or labels for at least a month or two (if not a several months) and then coming back and evaluating it afresh? what about the butch-femme dynamic are you drawn to? what is holding you back? you are allowed to discover that you are a lesbian! or you are allowed to continue to be bisexual! i can't tell you who you are - but you're allowed to be and do whatever you want, whatever feels true to you! even if it doesn't make sense to other people or you don't see anyone else like you out there. you gotta be a little bit brave!

hang in there, and sending much love to you and yours! 🧡

[punkitt-is-here]

Honestly ppl need to learn that discoursing about how a group describes their gender and/or sexuality won't make those labels stop being what fits that group best, it'll just make them feel unwelcome in queer spaces.

Also, 1000% seconding that ask about how blurred lines between gender also means that lines between sexuality can get blurry. I'm a lesbian, but I'm not a woman. I'm butch, and that feels far more representative of my gender than "woman" ever has. If I had to choose a gender label, it would be nonbinary, or maybe transmasc. There are people who think that me being masculine and nonbinary means that I can't be a lesbian, which is untrue. I walk in the footsteps of countless butches before me, and I cherish that connection. I wouldn't WANT to use a different, more specific label than I already do, because lesbian is the word I love. It has room for me, and a history I feel connected to. I would never try to rip it away from someone else. If a bi lesbian wants to call themselves that, then it is fully their right to do so. I can not define them anymore than they can define me. I am not the arbiter of others' identities.

Really encourage everyone bothered by labels like "bi lesbian" to learn about the rich history of lesbianism, and the queer community in general. The lines between sexualities and genders have never truly been as distinct as some people want to think. Relish in the freedom this provides, and remember that your fellow queer people are not the reason cishet people will mistreat you. Do not turn your anger against them. It will only hurt them, and do nothing to help you. We do not fight for only the "respectable" queers, all of us deserve to be respected and free to be ourselves.

Love yourself, love your fellow queer people, and remember that the human experience is complex and difficult to describe with language, so give people grace if their labels seem contradictory or at odds. They know things about themselves that you do not, and that is ok.

Anyways sorry about the rant. I just love being a lesbian and how lesbianism is so rich and varied, it makes me feel so safe.

Also your art is great, Big McIntosh Trans Rights. 🐎🏳️‍🌈

dont have anything to say except thank you for sharing, this was really good to read!!! <3

[genderkoolaid]

then don't use transmascs synonymously with "anyone affected by transandromisia" maybe? also just because i'm not aligned with the binary doesn't mean i'm "unaligned"/not aligned with anything. there are more options than masc fem and nothing. you're addrsssing exorsexism so well that you're being exorsexist in your discourse and happily reduce all of it to transmascs, either misgendering or erasing us. no wonder we don't feel save with u.

you're not an Allie to nonbinary people affected by transandromisia let alone nonbinary people as a whole if you call all of us transmasc a ur literally out here using "people who experience transandromisia", people who go on T, people who get top surgery etc all synonymously with "transmascs" all the time and think you're not being exorsexism?? My own community misgenders me for what i do with my fucking body. Totally not transphobic. fully erasing us with your language isn't making space for us at all also afab demigirls and similar experience this too. they hate when people move away from binary womanhood. your heder is funny because your advocacy only care about people who are transmasc. yeah the other week someone was transandromisic towards me and i told them i'm not transmasc and they apologised. definitely bigotry is based on identity! only masca are affected 🤡 literally why do you think there are no "unaligned" or even fem nonbinary people participating in that discourse. it's literally a circlejerk that validates each other and erases anyone not transmasc but with identical experiences. you say you're trying not to be exorsexist but look at 90% of your posts/reblogs. fuckin identity essentialism. that's exactly what lesbians do when they claim that certain things are "lesbian specific" experiences but mspec sapphics experience them too, except yours is misgendering too. yet again, nonbinary people are left to fans for ourselves.

Look, I will try to do better when it comes to language, because I do think what your saying has some merit, but have you considered that you can make criticisms without jumping to "you want nonbinary people dead"? And I don't know the exact identities of everyone who has been involved in discussing transandrophobia but I am pretty certain that isn't true. I know there are unaligned, fem, and otherwise not transmasc/transfem people who have talked about it. I am one of those people. I get that you are angry but this is extremely hostile and it does not need to be for us to have this conversation.

Also, these all could have been one ask. Two asks max.

[transmultiphobia-discussion]

oh boy I'm gonna have so much to say here when I have time but for now

Worst transmultiphobia I've seen is the degendering of multigender people, saying multigender people aren't "fully" either of their genders. Because somehow having 2 means they're lesser than monogender people's genders. Said to me by my FRIENDS right before they unfriended me for defending lesboys. One of them identified as multigender too but like dude your experience isn't universal, there's nothing confusing about "multigender men" as a term it just denotes someone is multigender and one of their genders is "man"

There was also the anon on bilesproblems who said "cistrans" was transphobic and enbyphobic. Which is so silly because like bestie cistrans is a nonbinary term. It's not forcibly assigned onto nonbinary people to say they're not as trans as binary trans people it's for nonbinary people, mostly multigender people, who identify as cis and trans.

multigender people don't normally fit people's framework of how identity works- in that these are opposing categories that have to be kept seperated. If a multigender person identifies as both a man and a woman, then they are neither of those, as man and woman are 'obviously' non-overlapping and opposites (oppositional sexism). If we try to exist in both worlds, we are therefore invalidating both. So any label multigender people come up with to describe and fit our multiple genders, we're accused of invading those people's groups. Cistrans is just one of those labels- we can't have both, we have to be one or the other, and because we can exist as both we are somehow "invalidating" the people who strictly are one or the other. I got the same treatment from a binary trans guy for being a transmasc lesbian, that I was somehow invalidating (I am so sick of the concept of validity) that person's transness by existing as myself. even though no one's identity as nothing to do with anyone else.

[sea-saur]

gender rant under the cut

ok here's the thing i've been on t for a little over a year now and i had top surgery back in september of '22 so like i'm cooking right im a little guy in an incubator and my voice has changed for sure and my bottom growth is growing and im getting more hair in places etc etc so like things are happening right. but i'm also 5'2" and have a big ole ass and while my voice has changed it isn't changed enough to pass and while yes i have more body hair plenty of cis girls have more body hair than me and like basically i'm getting on and off dysphoria for not passing. i don't even WANT to pass as a cis man, i just want to NOT be read immediately as a girl. you know? and frankly i'm happy with the body hair and bottom growth and it'd be nice if my fat redistribution kicked in a little more but i'm comfortable with my weight etc etc like....frankly i think it's mostly the voice. the voice and the face. like if my face looked more boyish and my voice sounded more boyish i think the rest of my body would coast cause i've seen enough chubby guys of various shapes to not really feel that self conscious about my body. it's the face and voice that sell it.

and the other thing is like....i have this thing where it's like 'i don't pass as a boy therefore i'm not one' when i don't put that requirement on any other queer person but for ME living it mentally? it's hard to put together the 'i walk around and am read as a girl, and i was raised as a girl, and hell i frankly WAS a girl up until my 20's like that's a part of who i am and im not ashamed of that, i love child me she is important to who i am as a person and frankly i'm grateful to be trans in that way, i think growing up a girl can make me a better guy" (and yeah there's a lot of privilege to be able to say i love being trans, i'm in a large city and work in an industry where queerness is accepted and often celebrated so like. i know. i'm really very very lucky and im extremely grateful for that) but mentally, it's hard for me to even see myself as a transmasc person when i don't SEE it physically, AND because my insides are still me. like i'm still me. and i didn't grow up as feeling like a boy in a girls body. i'm still some kind of nonbinary, still very queer in general, like being bi puts an interesting spin on this too since i have never been and don't associate my personal self with lesbian spaces, or gay men spaces, i sort of float in any queer generalities that people are into. but yeah, never really clicked with lesbian specific environments. i love lesbians but im just not one.

BUT i was raised a girl, so i feel COMFORTABLE around women, often times more than men. queer people in general of any gender are number 1, but ya know. the gist is coming off of a gig the last month that was very queer coded in the musical we were doing, and being surrounded by queer women making lesbian jokes, i felt...simultaneously left out (no one was leaving me out, to be clear, i mean within my own personal identity crisis lol) and also too included. i don't know. a lot of it is in my head, people are often good about my pronouns and frankly i don't KNOW how my usual colleagues see me as a person, if they have to work harder to reframe their interpretation of me away from "girl" and into "transmasc person" since i worked with a number of them before i started medically transitioning. thankfully i always read as a queer person haha. i have that going for me, which does feel very affirming.

idk. even my own apartment decor gives me dysphoria sometimes, which drives me crazy!! i like my apartment decor! I keep trying to do little things to "masc" it up, neutralize it a little, even tho i love all the things i've put in my home. i need new curtains.

there's nothing more to do about it right now i guess, besides try and take more active steps toward my legal name change, and potentially switching from t gel to injections, but that scares me because i'm afraid of doing it wrong and hurting myself. the gel is safer that way. and the dose is daily so i think it gives are more consistent level throughout the week. i also don't know exactly how much i want to pass as "just some guy" even tho this entire rant is literally about that. i think that my fear is that i look cis/straight, which frankly idk that i ever even would based on how i am as a person, so idk why i'm worried about it. basically, i want to stop feeling like i'm 'pretending' to be transmasc. cause sometimes it feels like it's all a lie and im actually just a girl who doesn't want to be a girl but is stuck as one. especially since i don't want to be a cis guy either. i also don't want to lose my ties to my past - i don't connect with womanhood, but i don't want to lose the "sisterhood" for lack of a better term? But also really want to be part of the queer "brotherhood" that i feel like i can't be based on where i am as a person? idk i feel a lot of the time that when im in my own home, im just a little goosey guy. the second i leave my apartment and im percieved, i'm a masculine woman to the world. and even tho masculine women are the fucking shit, im just not that!! and so. dysphoria.

[not-actually-human]

and pride hcs you want to share? i’ve been loving the pride doodles so much :)

im gonna do some naddpod characters bc i think about them a lot :)

BAHUMIA

moonshine: if u ask her what her pronouns are shes like “oh honey. you bet your ass i dont give a possums toot about whatever those are!” (any pronouns, tends to use she/her bc thats what most people use for her) shes aromantic and pansexual and poly and thats true to me.

hardwon: transmasc butch lesbian. he/him. asexual. i believe this with my entire heart and no one can convince me otherwise

beverly: points at him. gay. trans boy. i have nothing more to say

ELDERMOURNE

fia: lesbian. she/they. demsexual/romantic. her gender evades me

hank: cis and straight. hes got too much shit going on to even start to consider if hes queer. hes a divorced dad. thats his identity

zirk: she/he/it. transfem. i dont know his sexuality yet

ok thats it for now bc brain fog 👍

[authortism]

As a former misandrist and heterophobe — even if it was mostly lighthearted and joking — what made me stop was realizing how much my mindset relied on binary, separatist notions of gender that should have been entirely at odds with my worldview and my entire identity as a trans person. Misandry and heterophobia, even if they don’t exist as a systemic bias, are still very real on an interpersonal level, and are at any given moment only a few steps away from outright bi/transphobic rhetoric.

Even if you don’t think too much about it because you’re “punching up”, it is absolutely important to be aware of how you are impacting people with your mindsets, serious or otherwise. Such as saying “I hate all men” and then turning to your transmasc friend and saying “not you, you’re one of the good ones.” Or anything to do with gold star lesbian purity culture and its brazen display of biphobia.

Beyond how it can directly affect marginalized identities, it can also instill the belief in cishet men, especially young cishet men, that nothing they do will ever be good enough, which only makes them more vulnerable to indoctrination by toxically masculine role models and influencers.

One of the most jarring things for me after coming out was suddenly getting to participate in misandrist bitching sessions, rather than being a target of them. But just because we were aiming at the wrong target before correcting course doesn’t mean the war is a righteous one. If anything, that should just serve as evidence that gender and sexuality are a little too wibbly-wobbly to be segregated.

So just like, be kind to people. Even if they’re sitting pretty on the social pyramid. If they’re not being bigoted or abusive, or actively enabling such behaviors, they aren’t your enemy. After all, sometimes all that stands between a miserable straight man and a lesbian is love, support, and a little bit of introspection.

I don’t usually like to ramble or write essays here but sometimes you have a shower thought that more people should be thinking about.

[alex-guerin]

I want to come out in 2024...but...I dunno. I feel like a poser. A fake. I spent the day with a friend who is transmasc a week or so ago, hoping it would help, but it ended up just making me feel even more like a poser. He is one of those who even before he transitioned would be mistaken for a guy, and I am very much not able to pass.

I wear a binder and it just looks like I'm wearing a sports bra.

I have a very feminine face and even with my hair cut short I just look like a woman with a pixie cut.

Guys I work with view me and treat me as One of the Guys when joking around but still treat me like a woman when it comes to the job (i.e. have little faith that I'll be able to keep up when we are supposed to be busy even though I had been kicking ass on even busier days by myself and so they send two guys to try and "help" me, but I know if a guy had been doing it from the start they would have trusted him to be able to keep up).

Women at work think I'm just a butch lesbian (which, nothing wrong with that! I work with two of them and they are badass and awesome and hilarious but that is just not me).

One woman I work with regularly calls me princess or baby girl or other things like that that just make me want to curl up and cry.

Even the one guy I came out as NB to will refer to me as female (there were a few times when he'd catch himself when jokingly saying his "what a nice lady" line at me when I'd bring him a soda or something and replace lady with lad, which is nice, but he doesn't do that much anymore).

I'm not comfortable going into the mens room because obviously I do not pass.

Like I told my transmasc friend, at this point I just feel like maybe this is my own weird version of a midlife crisis. Some guys hit theirs and decide they want a sports car or a girl half their age, I am going through an identity crisis. I don't fucking know!

I just know that I am miserable. I buy guy clothes and feel good about myself until I see myself in a mirror and realize I just look like a fat girl in guys clothes. I don't like people thinking and assuming I am a butch lesbian. I want to be mistaken for a guy and not have people apologize and correct themselves once I open my mouth and speak.