#trans ye wangxi

[nootcatt]

An Excerpt from

Want So Bad

By HalaeNoor on AO3

Nangong Si finds it to be ironically amusing how everything that he files under good in his life somehow ends up related to Ye Wangxi. It is a phenomenon that happens unconsciously and as soon as he realises that it has happened again, he finds himself laughing and mentally smacking himself. He cannot help it. There is a reason Ye Wangxi is his best friend. All the best things in his life are because of him.  When Nangong Si first started thinking about what he wanted in his life, he was seventeen years and one month old. He remembers that night because that was the night Ye Wangxi told him about his gender identity.   It was a quarter moon night, and the stars were just beginning to show in the night sky because all the lights in the estate were finally turned off.  “Finally,” Ye Wangxi had said, wrapping his blanket tighter around himself. “Now maybe we can see the meteor shower.” For some reason, between the two of them, he always got cold sooner. Which is why he was tightly wrapped up while Nangong Si sat on his blanket with his weight on his hands and his legs spread in front of him. They had pushed the chairs to a side because they both preferred the floors to tweed chairs when they did things like this.  “It doesn’t start for another hour,” Nangong Si reminded him.  “Forty five minutes actually,” Ye Wangxi corrected him, “and that doesn’t mean I can’t be grateful for less light pollution.”  Nangong Si hummed and huffed a laugh at that, but he did not say anything against it. There were already so few things that Ye Wangxi enjoyed, why should he interrupt him now that he finally gets the chance.  He just observed his friend from where he was sitting while Ye Wangxi had his eyes already glued to the sky like some stray meteor would pass by way ahead of scheduled activity. His features were softer then, his cheeks were rounded and his body was smaller than it is now. He identified as a girl then. His hair was longer, but he always kept it rolled up or braided away. That night, it was held up with a simple ballpoint pen that he had been using in class. He was a tomboy. Yet his eyes and his smile have always been the same. Nangong Si found himself smiling whenever Ye Wangxi did. Never as wide or bright as his, though. Ye Wangxi’s smile has always been unparalleled. 

“A-Si,” Ye Wangxi said after a little while, “don’t look at me like that.” Nangong Si realised then that he was staring. He didn’t mean to stare, he was just watching how happy Ye Wangxi looked. “Sorry,” he said and sat up. He folded his legs under him and put his chin on his fists, “I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.” “I’m not uncomfortable,” Ye Wangxi shook his head, “just… you weren’t even blinking.” That sounded a little peculiar to Nangong Si. The whole time he was looking at Ye Wangxi, he did not see the boy move his eyes away from the stars. How did he know that Nangong Si did not blink? “I’ll remember to blink next time I stare,” Nangong Si told him, and that earned him an eyeroll. “I didn’t mean that, dummy,” Ye Wangxi told him, “I mean don't stare.” “Ah Xi'er,” Nangong Si chuckled a little at that, “I will not stare. I’m sorry I made you uncomfortable.” “Don’t be,” Ye Wangxi said, and then they returned to waiting for the meteor shower to start. With nothing to do now that he was told to not watch Ye Wangxi, Nangong Si opened up the bag of chips that they had bought along with the juice boxes that reminded them of when they were little kids. He passed one box to Ye Wangxi and opened one for himself. He was careful not to finish all of it even before the shower started because then there would be no snacks left for after. “A-Si?” Ye Wangxi said when Nangong Si was half way through the box. “Yes?” He asked. “Did you feel bad when I told you not to stare?” That was an unexpected question. Was Ye Wangxi feeling guilty for having done that? Was he afraid of having hurt Nangong Si’s feelings? “Why would I feel bad?” Nangong Si asked, “It’s your right to tell me when you’re uncomfortable with something that I do.” “I was not uncomfortable,” Ye Wangxi told him, “not exactly.” The way he said that, Nangong Si wondered what was going on in his head. Just a little while ago he was so happy to be looking at the sky and now he was saying things like this that didn’t exactly make sense. “Can you tell me what you felt?” Nangong Si asked, and Ye Wangxi remained silent for a while. It made Nangong Si anxious. Even then, when Ye Wangxi did not make his heart beat faster or his breath fall short, Nangong Si cared about his feelings. He cared about when his best friend was feeling upset about something. He cared about his happiness and his smiles. “I…” Ye Wangxi pulled the blanket a little higher over his head, “I don’t know if it will make sense if I try to explain it.”

Nangong Si got up from where he was sitting and sat down on his knees in front of the bundled up Ye Wangxi. Under his blanket, he had his knees pulled up to his chest and half his face hiding behind it. His eyes watched Nangong Si waiting to see how he would react.

“Try me,” Nangong Si told his best friend, “I will tell you if it makes sense or not.”

Ye Wangxi closed his eyes then and pulled the blanket up until all of him was just a bundled up person in front of him. Then his muffled voice sounded from the depths, low and quiet.

“I don’t want anyone to look at me in a body that I don’t associate with.”

“Don’t associate with?” Nangong Si was confused. He hadn’t thought that Ye Wangxi was going through something like that.

“Let me explain,” Ye Wangxi peeked out from under the blanket, “think of it like… Like if you have a uniform. It’s pink and frilly, and it twirls when you spin it too. It's cute. Everyone says you look pretty in it.”

Nangong Si did as he was told, imagining a person in a uniform like that.

“Now,” Ye Wangxi continued, “Everyone else likes it. And it looks really good on other girls. But you hate the frills, and the pink is so bright it makes you want to squint each time you look in the mirror.”

“That was me when dad made me wear that brown frilly suit with the bonnet.” Nangong Si remembered, and Ye Wangxi pulled his head out. It was still hidden behind his knees, but his eyes were very bright and visible.

“That’s how I feel in my body,” Ye Wangxi told him then, “like it is good looking, but I don’t like being in it. I don’t like looking at myself in it.”

“Is that why you’re hiding?” Nangong Si asked, and Ye Wangxi nodded.

“Do you not like to be seen like you are?” Nangong Si asked and Ye Wangxi shook his head.

That could mean two things. Nangong Si decided to confirm.

“What would make you feel better?” he asked, “Would you like to be… curvier? Or…”

“Not curvy,” Ye Wangxi shook his head, “not curvy at all.”

“Then?” He asked.

“I don't know,” Ye Wangxi told him, “I just… I would change things if I could. I just… I just don’t like the way I look. I don’t want you to look at me like this either.”

“I will not look at you,” Nangong Si promised.

“Forever?” Ye Wangxi sounded so innocent when he asked that.

“Well not forever,” Nangong Si did his best to not laugh, “let's see if there's a way to make you feel easier in your body. Or maybe we just swap it for a different one and see if you feel okay being seen like that. You know, like in video games?”

“Like changing avatars?” Ye Wangxi found that thought funny too.

“Yes,” Nangong Si settled down there. Ye Wangxi crosses his legs as well, emerging from the blanket to copy his posture.

“Can I be taller?” He asked.

“Can I be taller?” He asked. “Not taller than me,” Nangong Si specified, “if you get taller than me, I'll have to call you jiejie.” “Don't call me jiejie.” Ye Wangxi shook his head, “you don't even call me meimei.” “What do I call you then?” Nangong Si asked. Ye Wangxi frowned as he thought that over. Then he came to the simplest solution. “Ye Wangxi.” “Ye Wangxi it is then.” He nodded. “But a taller Ye Wangxi,” came another specification. “Less… girly. Less frill, less frocks, no dresses— no makeup.” “Hmm,” Nangong Si hummed, “manly man Ye Wangxi. Big, strong and handsome.” Ye Wangxi blushed at that. He fumbled with his blanket and then a few days later, he told Nangong Si that he really liked the idea of Man Ye Wangxi, even though they missed the first few meteors. Nangong Si did not see any meteors at all though, so he could only chuckle. The only thing he saw was Ye Wangxi watching the stars with a possibility of a future that feels like a fantasy. Then he found himself wondering what would be in his fantasy future.

Read the rest of the fic here (x)

[anqelbean]

Ye Wangxi may not be trans but Nangong Si sure is 👍

[queerbaitingshouldbeillegal]

the real question now is, is ye wangxi a girl or is he trans?

[unforth]

Today I'm Thinking About...

I've been so busy I haven't been able to keep up on this even thought I'm definitely Still Thinking About Things but I do want to get back to it but I really shouldn't now BUT I love last night's idea SO MUCH that I'm going to scrawl down at least a few words of it.

(note for various trigger warnings, but this is 2ha and if you've read the book, well, it's no tws that weren't in the novel. except the mentions of drug use/addiction, I guess)

Modern 2ha AU where Mo Ran has a really messy teen years/young adulthood. (read more)

His first crush, Shi Mei, ends up drawing him into a lot of toxic behavior, coerced sex work, drugs, you name it, he's a fucking mess. The worst part is it fucks with his memory; some things he did, he remembers, other...not so much...and a lot of them, he has the vague sense/knowledge He Did Something Terrible but he can't recall the details (which is probably for the better, sometimes). Finally, he of course gets arrested...and he gets lucky. Hell, he gets about as lucky as a disaster like himself can get (spoilers: it's not luck). He gets a great public defender and a lenient judge and while initially he's on the hook for all kinds of charges (not least of which - sex work, drug dealing, possession with intent to sell, aggravated assault, theft, rape...) most of the charges end up dropped or reduced, and because of a clear history of how this abuse started when he was young, he's sentenced to community service and rehab instead of prison. It especially helps that the assault and rape charges end up getting dropped (Mo Ran tells his lawyer, who tells him NOT to tell anyone else, that he remembers just enough to be POSITIVE he's guilty of both).

He gets to start over, fresh, in his mid-20s, with his fragmented memories and his regrets and a bone-deep determination to help other people. His community service, done at an all-service non-profit in a poor neighborhood, offers him a job in the soup kitchen after, and he ends up one of their best advocates - he's great looking, charismatic, insanely hard working, a skilled chef, brilliant, strong - and he helps them build relationships with organizations that can help them, bring in donations, distribute what they get, the whole package. And, of course, he gets friendly with the other people who work there.

Like Xue Meng, the incredibly gruff son of the head of the non-profit's board who acts like a dick but actually really gives a damn.

And Ye Wangxi, the trans man who runs the organizations LGBTQIA+ outreach program.

And Nangong Si, the dilettante rich boy who Definitely Isn't Helping with fundraising and Definitely Doesn't Have Feels for Ye Wangxi.

The list goes on and on, but of course there's...

Chu Wanning. Who has to be the LEAST charismatic, personable, friendly person in the entire organization. He's standoffish, aggressive, often off-putting, and generally forbidden from attending charity events and really anything public, but who behind the scenes is one of the hardest working SoBs there. He's in charge of tech for the organization - both their internal technology and their tech-for-the-public program, which helps the people who come there with everything from vehicle repairs through providing free computers/tablets/smart phones through tech support (Xue Meng ends up doing a lot of the actual tech support, because as tsundere as he is, he's still easier to talk to than Chu Wanning). The organization wouldn't function without Chu Wanning.

Initially, Chu Wanning wants nothing to do with Mo Ran - talk about a man too pretty for his own good (as if that couldn't refer to CWN too...) - but Mo Ran is nothing if not a persistent, overly friendly husky, and ultimately Chu Wanning ends up genuinely befriended, largely against his will, though when he finally gets fed up and says as much, and Mo Ran finally leaves him alone for a while, Chu Wanning of course ends up missing him and ultimately seeks him out again. That's about the point when, to Chu Wanning's shock, Mo Ran explains that if they ARE going to spend time together again, Chu Wanning needs to understand that Mo Ran's feelings are way beyond platonic, that he'd love to have a more personal, ideally romantic and/or sexual, relationship with Chu Wanning, and that while he doesn't need Chu Wanning to reciprocate, he'll feel disingenuous if he continues to be Chu Wanning's friend without knowing.

(From Mo Ran's point of view, he's been insanely obvious about this, but also he's been terrified of saying it explicitly because he knows in his heart that he is A Bad Person, all the appearance of virtue with none of the actual virtue, the perfect inverse of the stoic Chu Wanning who everyone sees as cold and aloof but who actually has a heart of gold and has never done wrong in his life.)

(From Chu Wanning's point of view, he has never been more blind-sided in his life. Who. Could POSSIBLY. Have Feelings. For HIM????)

After a little deliberation, and after an initial "no," Chu Wanning finally does take the hand that Mo Ran has offered him, and they start tentatively, hesitantly dating. Neither of them has ANY experience at this (Chu Wanning has always been single; Mo Ran's only relationship, while long, was so abusive that if anything he aims to model "always do the opposite of what I did then"), so it's definitely rocky. Especially so because, though Chu Wanning can't bring himself to admit it, he's only not a virgin because he's a rape victim - a stranger assaulted him one night when he was walking him, forced themselves on him, left him shattered and he's been slowly putting himself back together ever since.

But, despite all the hurdles, little by little, they grow close, they fall in love, they decide to be physically intimate...

...they're in Mo Ran's bedroom...

...they're taking off each other's clothes...

...Mo Ran is saying the sweetest, most genuinely affectionate words, and while Chu Wanning is constitutionally incapable of saying such things back, he absolutely feels them, he is as completely in love as he is loved...

...and there, on Mo Ran's revealed chest, is a long ragged scar that is all too horrifyingly familiar to Chu Wanning.

Because he made that scar himself.

When he tried to fight off his attacker, his rapist.

And then he can see it, so clearly, how that emaciated, sunken-eyed youth has, a decade later, grown into this man before him.

And this man, Mo Ran now, is wonderful.

And, unbeknownst to Mo Ran, most of the reason Mo Ran has had the opportunities he had is that Chu Wanning advocated for him (...he was a young public activist/non-profit worker then, and very passionate...), helped arrange him having competent representation, dropped the assault and rape charges, couldn't bring himself to take the stand but wrote a letter in favor of lenient sentencing that was read to the judge and jury and entered into evidence.

In that instant, ALL this reality crashes in on Chu Wanning - that this is his attacker, that he's in love with his attacker, the cruel irony of them reuniting, getting friendly, becoming a couple, all the memories of that awful night that he's tried, with mixed success, to process, and it's so much, too much...

...and, for Mo Ran's part, while he doesn't deserve much in the way of sympathy all things considered, there is something awful about the heartbreaking moment when Chu Wanning takes one look at Mo Ran's bared body and goes catatonic in a panic attack.

Needless to say, it takes them a LONG time to recover from this.

But...they get there eventually, of course.

File this under "story ideas I definitely will never have time to write but that will definitely be entertaining me a lot for several weeks to come."

[fandominsanity]

is ye wangxi trans or

[hamliet]

hi hamliet i saw u answered that 2ha ask, can u tell me if ye wangxi was supposed to be trans? it was never properly spelled out so im confused...

Not really. She is a woman, a “Mulan” sort who does it for her loved ones’ sakes. I think there’s enough ambiguity to where people could headcanon her as nonbinary, but in the context of the story, she’s portrayed as a woman.

[unforth]

👏 TRANS 👏 YE 👏 WANGXI 👏 RIGHTS 👏