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zvdvdlvr · 1 year ago

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— Are You Gonna Kiss Me, or What?

🎵 synopsis. Mike’s normal, utterly boring day is pleasantly interrupted by a diabetic whirlwind.

🎵 warnings. Finger pricking. Foul language.

🎵 author’s note. Shoutout to @paxamillius for writing this with me and for helping me write a realistic diabetic character.

🎵 tracklist. <Track One.> <Track Two.> <Track Three.>

—— 👾

mike shook his head, re-reading the sequence of numbers written in small, practised handwriting. a small smile pulled at his lips. despite having already memorized the number and how to spell your name, he kept glancing down at the slip of paper and running his thumb over the now-smudging pen ink.

with abby already asleep, mike debates if he should call or not. he doesn’t want to wake abby, but he really wants nothing more than to keep talking with the woman that (quite literally) fell into his arms.

mike exhaled. as long as he was quiet he supposed he could stay up and talk to her- y/n. y/n l/n.

slowly mike dialed her phone number; already imagining her voice from the other line.

the line didn’t ring twice before she picked up. “hello?” she answered, her voice having that smile that mike swears made the sun shine a little brighter.

“uh, hi. this- this is y/n, right? it’s-“ mike started, tripping over his words.

“mike! mike schmidt from the mall, yeah?”

another smile: wider this time though. mike beamed. “yeah, that’s me. mike from the mall.”

——👾; 6 hours earlier

the world was spinning, blurring. y/n cursed herself once again for her forgetfulness- she had a tendency to completely ignore her health until something like this happens.

y/n’s blood sugar was extremely low. she knew she needed something fast acting: juice, fruit snacks, soda… a slushie even. but with the way y/n could function, ordering something for herself would be out of the question.

maybe walking blindly into someone will help, was y/n’s rationale. so she carefully walked the best she could to someone, occasionally slamming into a bench or counter.

y/n’s head was spinning. she cursed her pancreas for failing to do it’s one and only job.

"oh dear lord," y/n mumbled. her legs struggled to keep her upright, let alone get her anywhere. her vision was fuzzy and the edges faded in and out, black dots swimming in her line of sight. y/n cursed herself- yet again- for being as careless as she was.

getting a few weird stares and several people backing away from y/n, someone finally approached her.

"are you drunk?" a blob- man?- asked . "ma'am, consumption of alcohol and being under the influence is not permitted inside of the mall, so i'm going to have to-"

"nononono, ‘m notdrunk…" y/n's words were sloppy and rushed. Hoping and praying he believed her, she wobbled a little bit on her feet.

Her body was trembling from the adrenaline and her legs desperately threatened to come out from underneath her. "im… diabetic," she paused, swallowing. "imhaving a hypoglycemia episode." sweat trickled down the back of her neck, making her wince at the feeling. "i need… i need food, like, now, beforeipassout, andgo intoa coma" y/n took a deep breath.

the man looked around. y/n was getting weaker by the second. her legs still felt like toothpicks and jello, with nothing left to support her. "i need… i need to sit…” y/n tried to stay on her feet, but her legs went slack and she was suddenly falling.

An arm wrapped around her waist. “No,” he mumbled quietly. “You gotta show me what to get you.” The man asked. He hoisted y/n in the air, shifting her weight and carrying her bridal style to the food court. “Alright… we got… pretzels, pizza, slushies, popcor-“

"slushies." y/n answered, a barely audible sound.

he nodded.

the man cut in front of the small line at a vendor and carefully set her in a chair. "i need two red slushies, the biggest size you have. please." he pulls out his wallet and slams a few crumpled dollar bills on the counter.

the worker stared at him for a second. "mike, you work here but you have to go to the back of the li-" the woman started.

"I’m sorry, Wendy but it's a medical emergency, she's diabetic and is really close to going into a coma, so im gonna need you to hurry,” mike rushed out, sneaking a glance back at y/n. She was pale and very clammy. It was obvious that she’d pass out soon.

Wendy followed Mike’s gaze and swallowed nervously. Then she turned on her heels and got to work.

y/n had her head in her arms, resting it on the table. she felt like shit. I wish i knew his name, she thought to herself. heat flashed through her body and her hands shook furiously, she felt like she had just run a marathon but hadn't moved an inch. she tried to distract herself from how horrible she felt, what had she done to get this low? Ah that's right. she had overcorrected for a stubborn high, then guess the amount of insulin for a giant drink, which she then proceeded to spill. Shit! she hadn't eaten anything to make up for the insulin she had given.

the man came back with two huge red slushies and says: “please drink this." he sets one down in front of her, and y/n pulls it towards herself and takes a sip.

mike- focused on making sure that the woman was alright- finally registered the whispers and snickers of passerby.

“Come with me," he murmurs. Mike gently grasps her again, handing her the second slushie. "Hold on to those for me, please.” Mike carries her into a small, office-looking room. He carefully sets y/n down against a wall, and he sinks down the wall beside her. Mike holds his hand out for his slushie and waits until y/n hands it to him.

"Uh… wait, i think that's the one i drank out of." She took the drink out of his hands and placed the other one in it. "No, actually this is the one i didn't drink out of. Here switch me again."

"Please just drink the slushie," he sighed.

After about 10 minuets y/n’s blood sugar started to come back up. it was hovering in the 40-50 range which was better than what it had been but still way too low for y/n to drive home. “Hey can you check something for me?" she asked, her vision still a little swirly and her hands still shaking.

Now y/n was able to read Mike’s nametag- which thankfully had a large font. “Hi Mike,” she added with a smile.

Mike smiled back at her, eyes softening slightly at her smile- it lit up her face. “What do you need me to do? Oh and, uh, what’s your name?”

"My name is y/n, but I need you to check something on my insulin pump, my vision is still a little...weird." She motioned towards her eyes. Unable to see small things with her current impaired eyesight, it would be quite a struggle to do it herself. She pulled out the small device. Turning it on she opened it up and turned the screen towards him. "That really little number down at the bottom."

Mike takes the device and squints at the tiny numbers. "It says... 10.7 u. Is that good or bad?" he blinks.

"Oh my god,” y/n groaned. “The one time i decide to pre-bolus, this happens. 10.7 units of unnecessary insulin. Sorry for interrupting and everything. I really should've been better about it." y/n shook her head.

"Hey as long as you're okay then it's totally fine. We can spend as long as you need to in here. I don't really have anywhere i need to be and this is a lot more eventful than what I normally do anyway… I’m not really complaining." Mike glances at his watch.

After a while of waiting and periodic finger pokes y/n's blood sugar returned to a safe enough number to drive home. They had sat talking to each other the entire time. y/n learned about Abby and about Garrett, and how his mom died and dad left.

"Well, I should get going. Thank you so much for everything, Mike." y/n smiles and smiles at him. A smile that just… lights up her face. Her eyes crinkle and a dimple appeared on her right cheek. Mike swears he almost swoons- he’s never had a (pretty) girl look at him like that.

Before she gets up, y/n tilts Mike’s head towards her and she places a delicate kiss on his cheek.

Mike swallows. He knows he’s probably overthinking it, just a simple thank you he reasons. So why did y/n’s eyes dart to his lips before getting up and heading for the door?

y/n has her stuff packed up before Mike realizes it. He watches her pick up her empty cup and toss it into the trash can. But before she leaves-

"Can I- uh," Mike stops y/n, voice breathless. "Is there any chance i can get your phone number? Just, uhm, in case you....y-know... need something again."

So Mike watches y/n write down her name and telephone number on a piece of paper. He watches the way a flush appeared on the apples of her cheeks. Mike watches her offer the paper to him and delights in the way she smiles again. But this time her smile is more bashful, more shy. Mike thinks it’s adorable.

“Thank you,” Mike murmurs, taking the paper. Her fingers brushed his and the flush darkens.

“I should be thanking you, Mike,” y/n says.

Mike can’t think of what to say next. He just stands there, falling further and further into y/n’s eyes. Slowly, cautiously, Mike reaches a hand out to y/n’s waist. She closes the space between them, letting herself be pulled into Mike’s arms.

Her hands wrap around Mike’s back in an embrace, but still looking at him, waiting for his next move.

“Mike?”

“Hm?”

“Are you gonna kiss me, or what?”

Mike leans down and presses his lips to y/n’s, tasting the flavor of the slushie on her lips. He feels y/n sigh against his lips, like she wanted him as much as he wanted her.

All too soon, y/n pulled away. “You should get back to work,” she whispers.

“Yeah,” Mike whisperes back.

“Call me, Mike.”

“I will,” he murmurs, lips still tender from their kiss.

——👾; present time

“I’m free this weekend- if, y’know, you want to go get dinner or something. Abby can come too if you want,” y/n says over the phone.

In all honesty, Mike’s surprised y/n remembers Abby, even though they only talked about six hours ago. “Sure! Where do you-“ Mike swallows, “where do you want to go?” He doesn’t want to go anywhere too expensive even though he wish he could. He just couldn’t afford that.

“I’m okay with anything, homestly. Abby can pick if she comes.”

Mike smiles. “I’ll talk to her about it.” He knows Abby would say yes.

The phone crackles as the two fall into momentary silence.

“I’m glad you called,” y/n admits.

”I’m glad I called, too,” Mike replies.

He doesn’t remember the last time he’d felt this happy. In fact, Mike doesn’t think he’s ever been this happy. Ever. So as he sat there, talking to y/n, Mike told himself that she was good. Good for him, for Abby. This had to be the start of something better; a change in his life, perhaps.

Even later, when Mike was getting ready to sleep, he fell asleep thinking of her.

#x reader #female reader #x female reader #jules writes 📓🖊️#mike schmidt fluff #mike schmidt imagine #mike schmidt smut #mike schmidt x reader #diabetic #x diabetic reader #mike schimdt x reader #mike schmidt #fnaf movie #fnaf x reader #fnaf fluff #diabetic reader #fnaf mike #jules writes 📓🖊#fluff

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professorsparklepants · 1 year ago

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Spotify | Youtube (lyricless) | Youtube (with translated lyrics)*

a voice came to me in a dream saying that i could make a life and death companions playlists using only kpop songs. and that voice? was kim dokja.

*flashing warning for Killing Me

TRACKLIST BELOW THE CUT

Illusion | aespa

Follow me, come and get illusion Swallow it all at once, delicious Irresistible bait, hook up Feeding on attention and growing up

Did I pick this song just because it had the word dokkaebi in it? Maybe. But you can't deny it's a starstream bop.

Deep | Hyo

Hiding sharp teeth, tension with you I predict eyes to eyes, explore it with you Oh you can take it? Won't be easy, you'll see Like the waves I'll hit you, whip up the water, deeper into me

This was the last song I added, but "two sharks circling each other in the water as a metaphor for a relationship" is SO early joongdok.

Camo | BoA

Hey baby, in the darkness with all the lights off I've hidden my shadow, I can't be tied down To some place tonight, my face has changed My heart is moving, but my camouflage will hide it I still don't know, yeah, my own heart The thick colors of the camouflage cover up the new world that'll surprise me

The dowager queen of kpop delivers a Kim Dokja song through and through.

Drunk-Dazed | ENHYPEN

I feel it, my head's in a daze daze daze I'm addicted, I replay-play-play The way you want it, go as far as you can to reach it Trapped in the carnival wow wow

[slaps Yoo Joonghyuk] this boy can fit so much timeloop trauma inside him

Want | Taemin

(Hot, Hot) Teasing you slowly (Hot, hot) Making you fall for me without limit (Hot, hot) Waking you up from the silence underneath your deep sea (Hot, hot) Will leave you wanting more, thirsting for more

I can't do a kpop themed shipping playlist and NOT include the King of Hoe Anthems himself.

Devil By the Window | TXT

Waste, waste away in the gutter with me No, I can't tell what is fake in my reality I see the waves, see the waves wash over me Oh, stay, you can stay when you're tempted to leave

Deja Vu | Dreamcatcher

Me deleting Lucifer by SHINee from the playlist because the lyrics don't fit: OTL

Me when I find another kpop song about Devils that's also way gayer: 😈

So now, I'm holding this pain Like you, who has thrown everything away Each day gets clearer Endlessly before me, oh deja vu Oh deja vu, oh deja vu, Oh deja vu, so I've fallen now Till the day I run out of breath, I can't let you go again Because we'll spend every moment together Don't get any further away from me

This is the only surviving entry from when this was 100% a joke playlist and not partially serious.

Psycho | Red Velvet

You got me feeling like a psycho, psycho People keep telling us As we fight like it's our last but then we get along They don't get it, it's so funny

Dysfunctional relationship anthem.

Killing Me | Chungha

Forgotten again these days The time has stopped When does it end? Try to pretend I'm used to it by now Something just fell apart What fell is the broken heart Future is trapped and has collapsed Everything is because of you

Is is really a joongdok playlist without at least one depressed breakup song?

Fiction | Highlight (formerly Beast)

Like this again (fiction in fiction) I can't end it (fiction in fiction) I am writing the story that will never end in my heart I will hold onto you (fiction in fiction) I won't let you go (fiction in fiction) I'm in the story of you and i that hasn't ended still, even today in fiction

I know Kim Dokja is the reader and not the writer but I couldn't NOT.

Heroine | Sunmi

In this drama of just us two The true hero was you, baby Yeah today you're being you Like a brilliant hero Just do as you have always done Even if that's playing the villain Even if that makes me sad You've got to be yourself Even if that hurts me, even if it's a sad ending The show must go on

This is the first song I added, honestly. Perfect for them.

What Can I Do | Day6

What am I to you? Do you even have feelings for me? Every time I meet you, you change Feels like I know you, but then I don't You meet all the people in the world but you have no time to give me? You're too much, why do you drive me so crazy?

I found this on a list of the gayest kpop songs.

Star | Loona

You're in my mind when I'm asleep I'm seeing stars sink in these dreams I don't wanna spend these hours with nobody else I'm in your mind, you're my dreams I'm freaking out I don't wanna leave But so selfishly I want you and nobody else

I debated between Voice (Korean version) and Star (English version) but then I realized Star has lines that can be read as the possession thing so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Untouchable | Everglow

Tell me now, tell me now you want me Your feeling can be seen clearly like mine You and I are like one, we're so alike Talk about, talk about us, I want you My feeling can be seen clearly like yours Whatever people say, we're untouchable

Battle couple anthem.

Feel Special | Twice

You make me feel special No matter how the world brings me down Even when hurtful words stab me I smile again cause you're there That's what you do One moment I feel like I'm nothing at all Like no one would notice if I were gone But then when I hear you calling me, I feel loved I feel so special

When I realized I could put this song on this playlist I cackled.

Fairy of Shampoo | TXT

I don't feel lonely when I see you Even if I'm with my sad heart It just disappears far away Dear, you are my fairy of shampoo From this moment on, I will love you

This song is so fucking funny. Me and the woman from a shampoo commercial I have a parasocial relationship with.

Survive the Night | The Boyz

A crying child pouring starlight I got lost in the night I'm still lost there Though I realize it all I have to get out of here, warning warning warning Towards you running running running Small fragments and intersecting sensations only faint traces remember you I endure the dawn without you again, oh yeah

[pours one out for Kim Dokja's entire personal timeline]

Into the New World | Girls Generation

I love you, just like this The longed end of wandering I leave behind this world's unending sadness In the many unknowable paths I follow a dim light It's something we'll do together to the end Into my new world

Joongdok can have a protest song about reaching the end of the scenarios together. As a treat.

#fanmix #omniscent reader #omniscient reader's viewpoint #orv #kim dokja #yoo joonghyuk #yu junghyeok #joongdok #jungdok #webtoons #my mix

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agentkaz · 10 months ago

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along with the end of undethklok ii comes the soundtrack for undethklok ii! featuring all of the songs the chapters are named after and much much more, it's a bunch of stuff that inspired the fic, made me think about it, fit with it, or other related stuff. please enjoy these jams i have chosen for you. you can kind of sort of get the story from the music if you just want to listen to that.

plaintext tracklist under the cut if you have all the tracks and want to assemble it yourself (i'll probs put a whole zip file together someday like i'm slowly doing with some of my fanmixes but it'll be a while before that)

sorry it's not all completely metal if you're the type who needs it to be all completely metal It Will Not Be

Jonathan Davis - Underneath My Skin

Unto Others - Give Me To The Night

Assemblage 23 - The Noise Inside My Head

Necro Facility - You Want It

Fear Factory - Invisible Wounds (Dark Bodies)

Myrkur - Like Humans

The Birthday Massacre - I Think We're Alone Now

HIM - Passion's Killing Floor

Seven Red Seven - You're The Answer

Snog - Hunter

Fair To Midland - Musical Chairs

Flesh Field - The Collapse

I:Scintilla - HEAD

Project Pitchfork - Timekiller

Pyogenesis - That's When Everybody Gets Hurt

Red Hot Chili Peppers - Wet Sand

Ego Likeness - Sirens And Satellites

Information Society - The Seeds of Pain

George Kollias - Shall Rise/Shall Be Dead

IAMX - Disciple (Lord Of The Lost Remix)

The Oculist - Terminal

Ashbury Heights - World Coming Down

Deathstars - Death Dies Hard

Cvlt Ov the Svn - The Pit

That Handsome Devil - Elephant Bones

Stone Temple Pilots - Big Bang Baby

3TEETH, Mick Gordon - Higher Than Death

VNV Nation - Perpetual

Amorphis - Amongst Stars (feat. Anneke van Giersbergen)

Seeming - Talk About Bones

#metalocalypse #dethklok #undethklok #fanfic soundtrack

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katbrando · 2 years ago

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for my jjba self-shipping server's first collaborative mixtape, we decided to go with a double theme! side A consists of members' song choices for a first dance with their f/o, while side B flips the switch and includes tracks for spicier occasions. the resulting 18-song playlist is linked below, and you can find members' thoughts on their selections under the cut! thank you to those who participated, i always have a blast making these with y'all 🤎

🎧 spotify playlist link

💿 full tracklist (and gushing) ⬇️

1. "Just What I Needed" by The Cars ∾ Eileen & Jotaro (@dogsofardour)

"Jotaro would choose “Just What I Needed” by The Cars. It’s an accurate reflection of how he first felt in Eileen’s presence. It’s a little abrasive but the song is all tender underneath the bravado. It’s not a very typically romantic song, but oh! It fits, and what a lovely sensation of exhilaration."

2. "You're Still the One" by Shania Twain ∾ Anika & Jotaro (@anikasenkujo)

"Jotaro and Anika have a unique road to their wedding. First, he proposes to her in Morioh, in front of people he considers close with a family heirloom ring that Holy handed to him. Then, after tons of arguments and after almost not being married, they have Hindu pre-wedding festivities and a Christian wedding. So their first dance, is a reminder to themselves of the journey that they’ve undergone as a couple. From traveling to Cairo, to them being separated by circumstances and misunderstandings, to Anika losing her memories during this time, to broken previous relationships and to them being reunited. All of the moments they’ve had, led to the moment that they’re having right now. Their first dance is symbolic of how far they’ve come despite people saying that they’ll never be together. It’s symbolic of the fact that true love always hopes, perseveres and trusts."

3. "This Must be the Place" by Sure Sure ∾ Julie & Risotto (@reclusiverisottonero)

""I'm just an animal looking for a home"--Risotto didn't have much of a place to call a home or many people he could reliably think of as family. He didn't think he even needed such things as an assassin but didn't realize he'd unconsciously been seeking it out until he meets me, and suddenly something clicks and he goes, "Oh". 'Home' as a concept is the people you choose to surround yourself with, and little by little we opened up the doors to our hearts to let one another inside to permanently settle in. It makes this song a no-brainer for our first dance as a married couple."

4. "The Book of Love" by Peter Gabriel ∾ Rydia & Dio (@hammerofspace)

"I've got this headcanon that Dio is very slow to actually discuss soft feelings and that when he does open up about them it's a whole to do. The song focuses a lot on not knowing about love and it's intricacies but that the moments of togetherness build it into something more despite the unknown. More than anything, I'm also convinced this man would try to find a book for all things he's unsure of and would absolutely follow a book of love like it was his personal handbook if there was one discussing all the possibilities of love."

5. "Like Real People Do" by Hozier ∾ Kat and Diego (@katbrando)

"Besides this track being just short enough for me to ignore the anxiety that would come with dancing in front of people, the lyrics always give me goosebumps. The subtle changes in the chorus as the song progresses remind me of a relationship that's slowly shifting and growing, where two damaged people are learning to trust each other and open up. Having this moment after we've just been married would feel like a shared sigh of relief in knowing we've forever found someone who makes us feel safe and whole."

6. "As the World Falls Down" by David Bowie ∾ Isabella & Dio (@drakkar-noir)

"It’s kind of cheesy, but I love this song so much along with the scene it’s featured in in Labyrinth. It’d probably take some convincing to sway Dio into having this be our first dance, but he’d eventually relent because he actually likes David Bowie. It would be a very sweet and tender slow dance with lots of private whispers and smiles."

7. "I've Got You Under My Skin" by Dionne Warwick ∾ Lazarus & Dio (@phvntom-limbs)

"This is for a couple reasons. Firstly, this is a song that touches on the complete and utter devotion to that One person, loving someone so much you would do basically anything for them. And this cover in particular is a slower take on it, so it's perfect for a little romantic dance :3"

8. "Young and Beautiful" by Lana Del Rey ∾ Avelino & Melone & Pesci (@cinnamonnbonnie)

"I've seen the many beauty's of the world, irresistible landscapes, colors of the winds, and felt in my heart and soul when nature spoke in its way. When the world gets old, we are able to see forms, shapes, and crystals that only the time can make it look beautiful. Diamonds get the most brilliant and graceful as time goes by, and humans decay and get turned into dust, buried and forgotten. That's the end of the line. Although we die, we will continue to shine like gold, endlessly shining even under the ground."

9. "Iris" by The Goo Goo Dolls ∾ Leo & Gyro (@leozeppeli)

"We didn’t have a first dance or anything, so Gyro played Iris in the car after we eloped because it was the cheesiest song he could think of without being too cliche."

1. "Passenger" by Deftones ∾ Leo & Gyro (@leozeppeli)

"…he then put on Passenger ten minutes later and promptly pulled over into a dark parking lot."

2. "Tessellate" by alt-J ∾ Kat & Diego (@katbrando)

"Most of alt-J's lyrics honestly baffle me, but there's something undeniably sexy about this song. It starts with "bite chunks out of me, you're a shark and i'm swimming" and based on the overall vibe, you can't tell me that doesn't have dirty implications. Additionally, "tessellate" basically means "to fit together closely"."

3. "Slow Hand" by The Pointer Sisters ∾ Eileen & Jotaro (@dogsofardour)

"The Pointer Sisters’ “Slow Hand” is a pretty good tone setter. It’s slow, sensual, and the lyrics demand the lover show more consideration and finesse than a quickie."

4. "Soulful" by L'Indécis ∾ Rydia & Dio (@hammerofspace)

"To keep with the honeymoon encompassing theme, there's no words in this song and I think that would be important. The time alone away from everyone is about savoring wordless moments and each other and the tempo fits the idea of taking things slowly and basking in them in my head. He's a hedonist and takes his time with all things pleasurable 👀"

5. "Eat Your Young" by Hozier ∾ Lila & Cioccolata (@cinnamonnbonnie)

"Seven ways that we can sin, seven ways that we can taste each other, seven reasons to start the fire, along seven craving desires that only the other can satisfy. We made the most beautiful sin, the honey dripping from our bodies is the most divine taste, the heat makes the edges burn, and we feel deep inside, craving for each other more, a war that only us can fight."

6. "Love Me Harder" by Ariana Grande & The Weeknd ∾ Anika & Jotaro (@anikasenkujo)

"After their wedding in Calcutta, Jotaro and Anika’s 8 day honeymoon in Goa, an Indian state full of beaches is something that’s filled with adventures of all kinds. There are many moments of lovemaking, and learning about one’s likes and dislikes in sex. Also, just because they reunited after 10 years, they couldn’t take this moment lightly, they got to love each other harder, with every moment filled with passion, and sheer commitment to each other. Because they’ve slept with different people before, this song is a reaffirmation of their love to each other but in a carnal manner."

7. "Freak" by Lana Del Rey ∾ Isabella & Dio (@drakkar-noir)

"Very fitting that this is from the “Honeymoon” album! I love this song SO MUCH though and the vibes it brings for the bedroom are immaculate. The song is supposed to be about convincing your partner to be a freak with you, but we all know there would be no convincing needed for either party in this case."

8. "Watcher" by Femme En Fourrure ∾ Julie & Risotto (@reclusiverisottonero)

"The exchange of power and control can be intensely intimate. Risotto's trust is something to be treasured, to not be taken for granted even for a moment. I enjoy the dark beats of this track contrasting with the lightheartedness of the first song, but primarily love how the bluntness of the lyrics still have this craving for your partner beneath the surface . Risotto and I want to consume each other so completely, so wholly that sometimes all grace needs to be discarded so we can just fuck."

9. "Closer" by In This Moment ∾ Lazarus & Dio (@phvntom-limbs)

"This song just straight up fucks. It's already musical sex but Maria Brink has a voice that's just WA it's so good. Such a sexy song. Like biblically sexy."

#self shipping #self ship community #jjba self ship #jjba self shipping #mixtapes #cjjba

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indignantlemur · 2 years ago

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A REVISED version of the original playlist:

Songs for a disenfranchised woman-out-of-time; separate and disconnected, uprooted but trying. Always, always trying.

SPOTIFY PLAYLIST: HERE

Tracklist with lyric excerpts below the cut.

Savages - MARINA

Underneath it all we're just savages Hidden behind shirts, ties, and marriages How could we expect anything at all? We're just animals still learning how to crawl

Try - Nelly Furtado

And I have lived so many lives Though I'm not old And the more I see, the less I grow The fewer the seeds the more I sow Then I see you standing there Wanting more from me And all I can do is try Then I see you standing there Wanting more from me And all I can do is try, try

Stereo - The Watchmen

My life is a stereo What songs do I know? Whatever happened to my plans? Whatever happened to the life I thought I had? My life is a stereo, kind of cheaply made though How bad does it show? What ever did become of all my friends? What ever happened to the likes of all of them?

Thistle & Weeds - Mumford & Sons //

Spare me your judgments and spare me your dreams 'Cause recently mine have been tearing my seams I sit alone in this winter clarity which clouds my mind

All Fall Down - OneRepublic //

Yeah, God love your soul and your aching bones Take a breath, take a step, meet me down below Everyone's the same, our fingers to our toes We just can't get it right, but we're on the road

If I Were A Weapon - Suzanne Vega //

Ooh If I were a weapon You said I'd be a gun Lethal at close range I guess With silencer and stun But I feel more like a needle Always pulling on the thread Always making the same point again And wondering if you heard what I just said

I Will Dance (When I Walk Away) - Katzenjammer //

I'm standing at the crossroads now, the fields of opportunities I'm ready to go anywhere, I'm full of hope and full of fear And bridges back have all been burned and freedom has been duly earned I'll remember why I've gone, remember where I'm coming from

Get Through This - Art of Dying //

If I can get through this I can get through anything If I can make it through this I can get through anything

Dancing on My Grave - Ghostland Observatory //

Another time Another day Another rhyme You'll always get your way

It's Alright - Mother Mother //

It's alright, it's okay, it's alright, it's okay You're not a monster, just a human And you made a few mistakes It's alright, it's okay, it's alright, it's okay You're not gruesome, just human And you made a few mistakes

Rise - Katy Perry //

When, when the fire's at my feet again And the vultures all start circling They're whispering, ”You're out of time.” But still, I rise This is no mistake, no accident When you think the final nail is in; think again Don't be surprised, I will still rise

The Enemy (from Wuthering Heights 2011) - L'Orchestra Numerique

[Instrumental]

#emigre by indignantlemur #Dagmar Gunnarssen #fan playlist #fanmix #star trek #character playlist #revised edition

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ftpverse · 1 year ago

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SHADITUDE an early DI Shad Mix

for the asshole, the cocky teenager, the guy who thinks he's hot shit

(or, that's what he SAYS, anyway,)

-> [ listen ] <-

tracklist + liner notes under the cut

dragon rider - tsfh (instrumental)

gives you hell - all-american rejects truth be told, i miss you truth be told, i'm lying (when you see my face, i hope it gives you hell)

bad reputation - joan jett & the blackhearts and i don't give a damn 'bout my reputation never said i wanted to improve my station

i don't care - fall out boy i don't care what you think as long as it's about me / say my name and his in the same breath i dare you to say they taste the same

hello - courtney love shut up i'm about to tell you about the difference you will never make

crushcrushcrush - paramore if you wanna play it like a game well, come on, come on, let's play ('cause i'd rather waste my life pretending than have to forget you for one whole minute)

do you want to fight me - venus hum you're eighty pounds of wreckage in a mason jar you're a bit combustible, don't break

crusher - free refills i'll walk all over you with my leather boots break your heart in two, that's what i wanna do

doopliss theme - ZMiX (instrumental)

confident - demi lovato it's time to get the chains out is your tongue tied up? 'cause this is my ground and i'm dangerous

---

some other misc thoughts:

shoutout to all the ppl on main who gave me song suggestions for this; not knowing what it was for

and also magik for talking me into crushcrushcrush. i got so fuckored by it even tho this is supposed to be the angst-free playlist lol. i THOUGHT about putting misery business in here but while very funny as a concept i couldn't quite abide by the lyrics. i just couldn't... (too romance-focused, not even fitting at all, though very fun to imagine him and kairi singing together in [gesturing] the future or whatever. tho i wonder if kairi shared music with him while they were regularly meeting on the beach. honestly no way she didn't? fun little bonus scene...)

had to put a courtney love song in here after realizing 1) how cornerstone she was in the grunge scene, 2) that shad would love her music

''do you want to fight me'''s quoted liner notes are meant to be shad @ sora. but you can read them however you like :)

i put the demi lovato song in here because 1) it worked 2) shad would unironically listen to it. and think it rules. one of my longest-standing canons about his music taste that is he is a sucker for female vocals. i had to! i simply did!!!

i bitched about the og mix being 8 songs of which 3 were instrumental . and then kept 2 of the 3 instrumentals. look! i couldn't not keep the doopliss theme remix! okay!! first of all its JUST SO!!! ITS SO!!! second of all i needed something to help me transition into confident, which i refused to cut

other than the instrumentals i only preserved 2 other songs from the og mix - tho half a mix is pretty solid, i guess. still felt like i was scrambling for a hot minute tho.

the four i cut were:

1) the third instrumental (which was fine but that's SO MANY instrumentals, and also it was ONLY fine)

2) the only possible interpretation of it was his crush on kairi being Weird - even if i tried to reframe it as about sora it'd still kinda be weird. ITS HONESTLY EXTREMELY PINING. WHICH ISN'T INCORRECT BUT IS LIKE. THE WRONG TIMELINE FOR THIS MIX. BAD NEWS THE LYRICS DID FUCKOR ME THO

3) angst, in the mix i didn't want to have angst ((or at least to not swing away from being mostly uptempo and SOUND confident, even if there's layers of angst underneath))

4) ANGST THAT WASN'T EVEN LIKE ACCURATE TO HIM AS A CHARACTER. I HAD TWO OTHER BETTER-FITTING MCR SONGS I COULD HAVE - AND DID ELSEWHERE!! - USE FOR HIM SO. WHY DID I GO WITH THAT ONE? HELLO???? TO WHAT END???

#c: shad #b4:DI #DI:part1 #mixes #soundtrack #1/3 of attempting to preserve old mixes that i genuinely had to salvage somehow. due to being made in 2013.

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baenxietydad · 21 days ago

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Belated 1 Year of Hatfish Being Canon Playlist, featuring the Greatest Hits from my Hatfish Pinterest Section

As ALWAYS with anything Hatfish, heavy on the TW: Cringe, like heeeeeeeavy and in fact this could have been even MORE cringe, I'll have to make a Top Secret Hatfish Cringe playlist and just never post it.

Link

Nemo is so real for being an anti because making this playlist, I am too actually! (jkjk) It's not my fault that girly songs that make me feel sparkly are Hatfish, I don't make the rules <3

Tracklist below the cut!

@davidhatter

Twin Flame - Kississippi

I'm a human built imperfectly But I'll give you empathy That's the only promise I can keep You've got lots of secrets I've got mine and trouble keeping them What's the point in speaking, then?

And if I had 2 Kississippi songs on the last Hatfish playlist and 3 here, all from the same album, what about it? It's not my fault that the Mood Ring album is actually just the Hatfish album!

"I'll give you empathy, that's the only promise I can keep" is the most Hatter line. What, with him insisting he'll say the wrong thing and fuck it up, while Mu-yeol is like clumsiness = sincere, I prefer that<3

Loving And Letting Go - Phum Viphurit

Nice and gently we collide to become one Feel all my aches subside warm like the sun If we should grow apart, I'll feel much pain But if it's love you found, please don't refrain Light of my life, fire at night, I am Sorry if I held too tightly With you around, it's love I found

Phum Viphurit actually had another song on the OG Hatfish playlist, lmaooo. Love that for me, I'm so on brand! Anywaaaay

It's just giving how they kind fell in love slowly but steadily over the course of like two years since officially meeting. The lyrics of the song can get kind of "uh, what is being communicated here I'm not artistic enough" but like, MUSICALLY too it is very Hatfish vibes.

Every Moment of You by Sung Shi-Kyung

Because you stayed there, because it’s you Because you sometimes quietly lean on my shoulder I’m really, wholly thankful I follow you as time flows and stops

Sometimes, I gaze at you Because for me, looking at you is love Every moment of you, I hope it’ll be me

I put the piano version on here because musically it seemed less dramatic than the original version, like the vibe for this playlist isn't #swelling music, but the lyrics are so Hatfish I wanted this song here.

Heaven Is - Kacey Musgraves

No tears to cry, and nothing to mourn Wearin' your shirt so tattered and torn Lyin' in your arms, so safe and warm That's what heaven is ... The way you sound when you call my name That's what heaven is

You're not gonna believe this, gang. But this is the second Kacey Musgraves song I've given to Hatfish, I once again am a creature of pattern. I just think this is a very soft, very Hatfish song.

Going To Georgia - The Mountain Goats

And you smile as you ease the gun from my hand I am frozen with joy right where I stand. The world throws its light underneath your hair. 40 miles from Atlanta, this is nowhere.

My fellow TMG enthusiasts may be like "...bitch what?" But HEAR me out. Consider that music is art and art is to be interpreted by the listener, mmkay, so buckle up. Consider that the gun in the song isn't a literal gun, but the metaphorical gun of Mu-yeol's self-loathing over being a fairy, and how simply the act of Hatter loving him is slowly prying it from his hands. Bitch!!! I can't!

Now, this is one of the most popular songs among the TMG fandom. However, John Darnielle has disavowed it and almost never plays it anymore, he basically retired it in 2012, though he occasionally still plays it. And he has his reasons, one of which I can see but the other I'm like "eh, I don't see that issue in the song but you do you." BUT one of his quotes about the song actually made me think about another angle that makes it fit. "I don't like what's going on in that song. It seems daring and edgy to a 26-year-old dude to have a guy who goes down with a gun for unknown purposes to see somebody he claims to love, but to my present self, that guy is a fucking asshole."

Mu-yeol was widowed when So-yeon was murdered when he was 25 years old, freshly 25. Parts of him were absolutely frozen in time at 25 years old after something that life-altering. While most of him aged, he's still wrestling with his 25-year-old self and I think while it is NOT the most dominant part of him, its there, and this song really speaks to that part of him. Especially if you consider that Mu-yeol's fairy-shame really began and kicked into overdrive when So-yeon was murdered, AHHH. AH!

Anyway, next!

Moonover - Kississippi

If this is the future, let's go back in time I know I was yours long before you were mine We could move backwards, never go home I want you to know I couldn't let you

Currently going feral about "I know I was yours long before you were mine", thanks <3

The old men are in love, idk what to tell you

ur so pretty - Wasia Project

You're so pretty When you smile, it kills me, oh Can't stop thinking 'bout the way you kissed me

BYE.

Also shout out to Hatter's brethren (fellow British Wasians, Wasia Project lol) for making this song, frfr

Sailor Song - Gigi Perez

Oh, won't you kiss me on the mouth and love me like a sailor? And when you get a taste, can you tell me, what's my flavor? I don't believe in God, but I believe that you're my savior

So, I made the playlist before I knew this was a lesbian song, I know, I'm a bad lesbian. I thought Gigi's alto voice was a male indie singer and that Gigi Perez was a male-fronted band, I'M SORRY. And like, I know there's some chronically online discourse about not using mlm songs for wlw ships and wlw songs for mlm ships but as a lesbian myself I don't get why not. It's still queer??

Anyway, someone yell at me if this is against the gay rules but as a gay myself I disagree, it's a silly rule

This part of the song especially just really fits because Hatter being a kitchen witch means he can just casually taste the want on Mu-yeol's tongue when they kiss and that's insaaaaaaane so like, damn bro, tell him what that's like it must go craaaaazy. But also the vibes of the whole song, like. The fuck? Who let her write like that?

I Could Drive You Crazy - Sierra Ferrell

Well, I come down here from the mountain top And I cut you down like an autumn crop My love for you will never stop But I pulled you over like a small town cop Hay fever's knockin' at your door You can feed the dogs lyin' on your floor Took all your gold from your chester drawer I can drive you crazy, yes, I can

Well, I can't hunt and I can't fish But I can drive you crazy, yes, I can I can't even make a dish I can drive you crazy, yes, I can

This one is probably equal parts vibes-based as content-based. To pick from content, the pixie hollow Mu-yeol is from is Korea is literally on a mountain, he literally pulled Hatter out of almost 20 years of "just vibing idk bro" uncalled for, and he makes Hatter absolutely insane about him <3

And the vibes, the viiiiiibes you guys, they're so good, ugh!

If I Needed You - Demi Lee Moore

If you needed me, I would come to you I'd swim the seas for to ease your pain

This is a Townes Van Zandt song, but he just sounds soooo mournful. I LOVE HIM!! And I love his original version. But Demi Lee Moore, a South African country singer, has a cover of it that I adore. Her voice makes the song sound sweet and light, so that's why her cover is on here!

Onions - The Mountain Goats

The cows come gingerly out of the barn And when they see that the ground is warm They pick up a little speed, it makes me feel so good And I feel it rushing down my throat, fresh blood

Onions!!!!! Onions, my beloved.

Onions is about new beginnings, seasons changing for the better. And if that's not Mu-yeol letting himself be happy with somebody again, Hatter letting someone into his life, Mu-yeol learning to love himself more by being loved, and Hatter getting out of his 'how to show affection' comfort zone' but actually enjoying it because it's him, idk what is comrades

Heaven - Kississippi

Can't hold back Arms outstretched Because I Just wanna let you in 'Cause you know I aim to please ya You tell me it's like heaven And it makes me a believer

Behold! The third Kississippi song on this playlist!

But, uhm? Sorry, I can't help that Mood Ring is literally Hatfish: The Album. Like, "you know I aim to please ya?" GIRL. Hatfish are obsessed with each other<3 and especially Hatter (I mean Mu-yeol too but holy hell, Hatter) shows affection largely through acts of service so its giving people pleaser but only THIS people.

Also, cover your eyes Nemo but in Swynrp the TV show this would deff be a song that is used as a needledrop for a Hatfish ship makeout, 100%

Cloud 9 - Beach Bunny

Lately, I've been feeling not alive But you bring me back to life But when he loves me, I feel like I'm floating When he calls me pretty, I feel like somebody

Look, if y'all didn't want this playlist to be this cringe you shouldn't have given me access to Spotify Premium and a keyboard. Soooo.

In Dreams - Sierra Ferrell

I hope I'm in your dreams The way you are in all of my mine You've got a love so fine I wish that I could make you mine

Won't you sit down, you know I love you honey And you look so tired I know it's hard how we're thrown into this life Then one day we must die

Sierra Ferrel times 2 I guess lmao. I think it's a very sweet closing for the playlist!

#r: hatfish #hatter #hatfish playlist

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preaching-to-the-fire · 7 months ago

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Preaching to the Fire (HH Adam x OC fic)

AO3 | Explicit | F/M, Gen, Multi | Graphic Depictions of Violence | Con Non-Con

Chapters : 5/?

Current wordcount : 9,800

After being mercilessly jerked around by the Hazbin gang and murdered by our favourite evil chambermaid, Adam is now born again a virgin a Sinner. He is taken underneath the wing, no, tail, of Valska, the Overlord of Hell's music industry (and a former friend of Lilith'). Long story short? They start a band and he ends up kinda liking rats.

(yes the title is AoM)

(tags below the cut - READ THEM)

Index

Encounter with the Devil

Trip down the sewers

Hellbirth

Acquaintances

The magic room

Stitches

(TBP)

Tracklist (TBP)

Tags

#preaching to the fire #hazbin fanfic #hazbin fanfiction #hazbin hotel fanfic #hazbin hotel adam #adam/oc #adam x oc #hazbin hotel oc #hazbin hotel adam x oc

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bakubabes-tatakae · 2 years ago

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Event Status: Closed (assigning characters for remaining spots)

Another milestone is upon us and for 8k we’re gonna change it up and do something that we’ve never done before. You guys are in charge of who these pieces will be involving, but I’ve already got an idea for what is going to be in each of them, it’ll just be molded to whomever is chosen for that day.

For anyone that isn’t already aware I’m a huge Machine Gun Kelly fan and what better way to bring him into my work than by using his latest album as a milestone event. Each of the songs off of his new album has found a way to inspire a piece for me. This is an entire event of song pieces.

You’ll find the tracklist underneath the cut and each piece will quite simply be named after the song. Some of these pieces will be NSFW and some of them will contain some content that not everyone will enjoy so if you’re familiar with the songs please make sure you choose wisely. As always my writing will be x fem!Reader because that’s what I’m most comfortable doing, but any of them that I am able to I will be trying my hardest to keep GN. And I’ll obviously be tagging everything accordingly, but just some disclaimers before they come out.

Any space that says TBD are the tracks left open to select from so request aways lovelies.

It’s first come first serve for who gets the pick for characters! Simply send me an ask with something as simple as “Ken Ryuguji with track 3” or “Eren Yeager and Drug Dealer” and if that track hasn’t been selected then that will be the character I choose! Character repeats are fine, but I encourage everyone to try to pick different characters, just to spice it up a little bit since I do tend to write for the same people over and over.

These pieces will start rolling out as soon as 8k hits and will continue to roll out every other day for the next three or so weeks after we hit the mark. 19 pieces in all! Some of them are already labeled NSFW because of the context of the songs, but others may change as I get them written.

If you don’t want to be involved with the fun in the 8k event then go ahead and blacklist the tag: #mainstream sellout event or #bakubabes celebrates 8k

9 Lives || Zuko x fem!Reader

More Than Life || Katsuki Bakugou x fem!Reader

Why Are You Here? || {NSFW} Beelzebub x fem!Reader

Last November || Rin Okumura x fem!Reader

Born With Horns || Naruto Uzumaki x fem!Reader

God Save Me || Satoru Gojo x fem!Reader

Maybe || Goku x fem!Reader

Drug Dealer || (will contain drug use) Osamu Dazai x fem!Reader

Mainstream Sellout || Shuji Hanma x fem!Reader

Make Up Sex || {NSFW} Benimaru Shinmon x fem!Reader

Emo Girl || {NSFW} Ichigo Kurosaki x fem!Reader

5150 || Izaya Orihara x fem!Reader

Papercuts || Sasuke Uchiha x fem!Reader

WW4 || Megumi Fushiguro x fem!Reader

Ay! || Shikamaru Nara x fem!Reader

Fake Love Don’t Last || Manjiro “Mikey” Sano x fem!Reader

Die In California || Renji Abarai x fem!Reader

Sid & Nancy || {NSFW} Ken “Draken” Ryuguji x fem!Reader

Twin Flame || Eren Yeager x fem!Reader

#tokyo revengers x reader #naruto x reader #attack on titan x reader #bleach x reader #jujutsu kaisen x reader #bakubabes celebrates 8k #mainstream sellout event #boku no hero academia x reader

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cruzmerida · 2 years ago

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playlist for cruz merida; the reformed chameleon. tracklist and notes below the cut!

listen on: spotify // youtube

TRACKLIST:

Spanish Doll - Poe

Beautiful & Bad - Nicole Dollanganger

Dangerous - Son Lux

The Mission (Versatile Mix) - Puscifer

Blood Roses - Tori Amos(thanks bek)

Big God - Florence + The Machine

Do It with a Rockstar - Amanda Palmer

I Love You Like an Alcoholic - The Taxpayers

As Many Candles as Possible - The Mountain Goats

Angel of Small Death & The Codeine Scene - Hozier

Choke - I DONT KNOW HOW BUT THEY FOUND ME

Burn - Tub Ring

In My Chest - KONGOS

Devils & Rebels - Shayfer James

Metaphor - The Crane Wives

i have a much longer version of this playlist to draw to, as well, but thought i'd challenge myself to make a cd-length one, for funsies. :]

a few notes on specific songs below; sometimes explanations sometimes just a couple lyrics that resonate.

spanish doll

spanish doll is one of the oldest songs for Cruz, and it's kind of evolved with them. it started out as a song for Ambition: Nemesis; their murdered innocent; their younger brother, Anacleto. ive diverged from the canon Nemesis plot for them somewhat but it's just added another layer onto this that has some delicious implications. and I love you still no matter how our story will unfold

beautiful & bad

there's no particular order here; most songs are put next to each other because they sound good and not for thematic reasons. this one i put specifically because it was a jarring difference in both sound and theme; the disconnect between the sweet nostalgia of spanish doll and the hypocritical thing Cruz has become.

blood roses

sometimes you're nothing but meat.

as many candles as possible

when stray dogs finally catch you in the alley you don't consider their point of view but when the wounds are healed, and the scars are shiny sometimes then you do.

angel of small death & the codeine scene

Cruz likes their honey, they like men, they like indulging in both at once. this one's from the point of view of some dalliance; wrapping some rake around their finger in a honey-dream for a night. it's bloody and raw, but i swear it is sweet.

hayloft II

an eye for an eye, a leg for a leg a shot in the heart doesn't make it un-break

burn

A LIBERATION WILL NOT BE POSTPONED INDEFINITELY

devils & rebels

the damsel in the details, the devil in distress the only thing she's wearing underneath her tuxedo is her cock-tail dress also a good jam for iron republic days, but i'll be honest this one isn't highbrow

metaphor

i've gotten good at making up metaphors i've gotten good at stretching the truth out of shape and all these words are sweet and meaningless you can't trust a single thing i say.

#fallen london #fallen london oc #oc playlist #meta

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vneuns · 4 years ago

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those vinyls in our closet

pairing : 𝗸𝗮𝗿𝗹𝗻𝗮𝗽𝗶𝘁𝘆 𝘅 𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗱𝗲𝗿

warnings : just fluff

word count : 0.6k

a/n: first time writing karlnapity 😩🕺✨

“Hey babe?” Sapnap called from upstairs in the attic. “Yeah?” You left your shared bedroom going over to the ladder that was on the floor that connected the attic to the second floor. “When’d you get this record player?”

You watched as your boyfriend climbed down the ladder an abandoned record player in hand.

“Oh my god! I’ve been looking everywhere for that thing!” You exclaim taking it from him happily analyzing the item in hand as he climbs down to inspect it with you. “It was my grandmothers from the 50’s she gave it to me a little before her passing and I guess when I moved in with you three I just abandoned it in a box.”

Sap nodded, running his fingers over the top the dust evident from beside where he ran his finger. “Very old.”

A laugh left your lips about to say something before you were cut off by Karls’ scream of defeat and Quackitys’ laugh of victory. “It’s your turn to deal with that.”

Sapnap groaned watching longingly as you made your way to the bedroom to plug in the old thing.

A few moments passed as you sat on the floor, the machine in hand as you got in all of the creases and cracks making sure to clean up all the dust. “Hey baby- is that a record player!” Karl immediately fell to the floor beside you watching as you cleaned the tone arc of the dust on it.

“Who would want a record player?” Quack teased walking into the room Sap behind him as he plopped himself down on the bed.

Karl threw a nearby pillow at his head signaling the boy with the beanie to shut up. “It was a gift from my grandmother you asshole.” You rolled your eyes looking over your shoulder at him as you finished cleaning the record player up and placed it on the table underneath the tv.

“Well know what do we do we don’t have anything to play on it,” Sapnap stated as he pulled one of his hoodies over his head as it had become quite chilly in the house. “Oh we have some of those vinyls in our closet I picked up from the market once.” Karl said excitedly as he went to the closet and pulled down a brown box.

“We’re just pulling random shit from the closet? How long has that been in there?” Quackity questioned as Karl placed the box on the bed opening it to reveal at least thirty plus vinyls.

“So you just bought vinyls to buy vinyls?” you raised and eyebrow at your brown haired boyfriend as he looked through all the disc in the box.

“it was like fifteen dollars for the whole box it was a deal no one could refuse.”

“so what i’m hearing is you waisted fifteen dollars on these despite not having a record player?”

“see this is why i kept it hidden because i always get attacked for anything and everything.” you giggled placing a kiss on his cheek before a cover case in the back catches your eye.

Elvis Presley The 50 greatest hits. In big white letters on top of a bright red. “oooh.” you pluck it out from the others and turn it over to read the tracklist on the back.

“can never go wrong with a little Elvis.” you smiled at the three boys in the room as you turned around placing the record player and moving the needle on to the disc allowing it to start. The beat to heartbreak hotel filling your shared spacious bedroom.

“come on losers you have no choice but to dance with me.”

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bcrichsweetheart · 2 years ago

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Don't Stand So Close To Me - Part 3 - Who Are You

Summary: Eddie puts his new plan into place so Lyra can see he's not a treat and just wants to get to know her. Lyra encounters a jealous bully.

Warning: Swearing, bullying, angst, implied intimacy, talk of abstinence

Word count: 4.5K

Part 2 | Part 4 | Chapter list | Eddie Munson Fanfiction Masterlist

Lyra got off the bus as it pulled up at school. Her brain was abuzz with a night full of played-through scenarios, and ultimately this whole Eddie thing was just too risky.

Sure he had let down his guard a little around her, and he really didn't seem the demon specific sectors of the school ecosystem would have you believe, but on a personal level, he felt dangerous to Lyra. Not because of anything he had done yet, but what she thought he might be capable of.

Eddie had already started chipping away at her walls of defence, and a little was fine, but yesterday he somehow managed to zero in on their weak points, and Lyra could not afford to repeat offend in her parents' eyes. She was on thin ice as it was. Embarrassing them by getting expelled, especially what she had been removed for. She had to keep focused on her work and not get sucked into temptation again.

Lyra gets to her locker and grabs a pen from her bag to jab into the side of the locker door to wrestle it open. She half expects to hear Eddie's voice ring out about how there is a much cooler way to open the door, as usual, but there is nothing. Lyra even checks behind the door, but he's not there.

She shrugs and thinks maybe the universe was cutting her some slack and breathing room. That was until she looked into her locker.

On the back of the door were taped three items. Two sweetheart candies. One said 'Hello,' and the second said 'Be Kind' Lyra smiles and shakes her head. This guy would get a telling off for breaking into her locker, but the candies were amusing.

Underneath both of those was a cassette tape. It looked like a blank.

Lyra peels away the cassette. It had no tracklist. She opened up the case, and inside were two pieces of paper. One was a note of some kind. The other had 'Lyrics' written at the top.

Lyra quickly checks around her for anyone near enough to read over her shoulder, and the hallways are filling up a little, so she leaves the candies, pockets the tape and its documentation, makes the great book exchange for the day and heads to the ladies.

She finds an empty cubicle and unfolds the note.

"Lyra,

I know, personally, that sometimes it's hard to find the words.

I thought that instead of saying the words you don't mean, if you wanted to, you could get someone else to say the real ones for you.

She knows from the scratchy black and red handwriting this was Eddie. So at least that mystery was solved.

Lyra folds up the note slowly, confused by what he meant until she reads the second sheet.

"Lyrics:

'Who are you?

I really wanna know.'

Lyra takes the tape, puts it in her Walkman, and hears the intro to "Who are you" by The Who. She smiles broadly to herself in this private environment where she could allow it.

An incredibly sweet gesture, she thought. Lyra quickly corrects her brain. Kind, an incredibly kind gesture. Especially after nearly half a year of being fairly sharp with him, sometimes losing her temper with him.

Her brain jumps ahead severalfold. What was his end game? Probably the same as all guys this age. They all seem kind at first, don't they? Until you're standing in a room, defending yourself against their onslaught of lies.

She sighs and tries to shake the negativity from her mind. Calm down. Just take it at face value. It was a kindness.

Lyra tucked the note in her wallet and the lyrics sheet back in the tape case along with the tape itself and put it in a small zip compartment of her bag.

With her headphones still on her head, Lyra steps out of the cubicle only to be confronted by a tall, slender girl all decked out in her cheerleading garb.

"Tabitha?" Lyra asks, puzzled, "Everything ok?"

Tabitha almost sneers in reply and pokes Lyra back into the stall, "I think we need a little chat."

----+++----+++----+++----+++----+++----+++----+++----+++----+++----

Eddie was excited to see how his new idea would be received, but also, he had to "break into" someone else's locker to do it and not get caught. He had gotten up and made it to school much earlier than everyone else.

He'd double-checked the cassette worked in his van and made sure to rewind it before placing it in the case. Next, he checked over the notes to ensure the letters were clear and couldn't be misinterpreted by Lyra. Once satisfied, he put them in the cassette.

He must have purchased ten packets of love heart type sweets to ensure he could find the ones he wanted. A groan of annoyance emits from Eddie when they both appear within the first 8 sweets of the first packet he opens. He shrugs and pours the unwanted ones from the first pack into his mouth as a makeshift sweet and chalky breakfast.

He heads inside, runs up and down the hallway making sure the coast is clear and jogs back up to his old locker, "Hey, honey. Remember me?" He says gently to the metal door in front of him.

He puts the pins in the lock to turn as the key with no issue at all. Next, he runs his left hand down the left-hand side of the door until he feels the little bump under his palm. Then, with his right at the top right corner of the locker, he hits both spots simultaneously, and the door pops open.

"Still got it", Eddie whispers in congratulations to himself. The only reason this old door was so fucked was because of the number of times Eddie had been shoved into it by Hawkins douchebags. Alas, only one time by a play co-star after hours. He could still feel the cold steel slam against the back of his head now. He sometimes wondered if not for his mass of curly hair that, the impacts would have been a lot worse.

It grieved Eddie sometimes that if he'd known, all it would take was a change in clothes, attitude, being very vocal about playing D&D and a few satanic symbols. He would have done it years before.

It very rarely happened to him now, but when it did, he'd just laugh or let them know how much he liked it, especially being so close to them. Most of them malfunctioned at those antics. Mostly in disgust, or at least a big show of disgust. A few had given him that doe-eyed look for a split second during their rant about how much of a scourge Eddie was on Hawkins. Then he would lock eyes with them and smile, and Eddie knew they wanted to be close to him too. They'd let him go immediately after that. Some never bothered him again, some bothered him at a later date in private in a preferable manner, and some never bothered him at all in any way again through sheer fear of being outed.

Eddie wasn't foolish enough to be open about his preferences at school. He wasn't a complete idiot. He just knew how to push buttons sufficient to make the prudes recoil, to leave him and hellfire alone.

Almost any evidence of this being his old locker was gone. All the Corroded Coffin and Hellfire flyers and stickers. The band pins he'd turned into magnets. The broken shard of mirror. The images of guitars. All gone, now.

Looking deeper into the locker, Eddie could see that some things had stayed. His drawing of Bilbo's house, one of his old D&D characters, an Elf Mage named Ser'en. Scorched by fire, her black hooded billowing tattered cloak still flew around her flame red hair and piercing emerald eyes. She was so badass to play. Eddie thought he should bring her back as a non-player character one of these days.

Eddie rips several pieces of clear scotch tape off with his teeth and attaches them to the side of the locker. Then, peeling pieces off as he needed them to affix the items to the inside of Lyra's door. Then he locks the door back up and gives it a little pat.

Now all he had to do was wait, and that might have been the most challenging part of any day for Eddie. Waiting for something to happen.

He must have tried out viewing points from all over the hallway before she finally arrived. He didn't want to be right in her face or at his own locker where her eyes could find him. He just wanted to see an honest reaction from her, not a curated one.

Eddie leans against the side of Jeff's locker because he can half hide behind it, and as Hellfire crowd one another, Eddie can just peer through them.

"You're here early, Eddie", Jeff muses, "And you're at my locker?"

"Yeah, well, nice to have a change of scenery sometimes, isn't it?" Eddie quickly scans the hall and nods toward some passing cheerleaders. "You know how they avoid my locker," Eddie says in a creepy old man voice at Jeff, making him laugh. Soon the other members arrived. The last few he knew caught the same bus as Lyra.

Eddie adjusts his position again so he can glance at Lyra's locker whenever but still look like he was half paying attention to the current conversation, making sure to be a quieter Eddie this morning to not warn her of his presence.

She finally gets to her locker, and Eddie subconsciously straightens up his posture and vest. Fuck he thinks, checking to see if anyone noticed before settling back into his lean. Everyone seems to be still happily chatting away. He's got away with it.

Lyra wrestles with her locker as standard, armed only with her trusty pen for leverage. Eddie shakes his head.

"Uh, you don't think so?" Gareth complains, "I tell you, I'm ten times the drummer that band has currently got!"

Eddie realises his movements have been dragged into the very animated conversation around him and thinks quickly, "Ten? No...I'd give you five times at a push. All that marching and drumming is an absolute killer." Gareth seems satisfied with the fact at least Eddie thinks he's better, and the conversation continues.

Eddie glances back for a few moments and sees her check behind the door for him. It's all he can do not to laugh. He just grips onto his wallet chain in anticipation instead.

Then she looks over at his locker and down the hall, but her eyes don't find him. Then she does this little shrug like she's almost disappointed. Eddie's hand reaches for his own chest.

"You ok?" Kevin asks quietly, with concern in his voice. He was one of the newest members of hellfire, painfully shy. Eddie would put money on him being a friend of Dorothy's but never pushed the issue or asked him about it.

Eddie quickly snaps back to the conversation for a moment and looks down where his hand is. "Oh yeah, just a touch of indigestion, I think. Candy for breakfast," he laughs, "I'll be fine in a few." Kevin smiles up at Eddie and gets reabsorbed into the group conversation.

Eddie quickly glances back over. He watches the smile on her face appear, and her eyes widen with surprise as she opens the locker. Eddie feels one of his own start to emerge and quickly presses his lips together in a bid to fight it.

Then something unexpected happens. Lyra looks at the notes but doesn't read them. Instead, she looks around and quickly makes off with them.

"Fuck!" Eddie accidentally says out loud.

Hellfire all look at him with wide eyes.

"As you were hellions, I just remembered something I need to do." He smiles, grabs his bag, and moves quickly down the hall, still following her at a distance.

Eddie tries to snake his way through the crowds, but he inadvertently bumps into a few people trying to keep up with Lyra. He sees her take a sharp left, screws up his fist and bites it in annoyance. The fucking toilets. God damn it!

Eddie can't really stare at the door of the girl's toilets without causing some kind of a stir, so he stays back and pretends to read his book, leaning against the corner of a wall, where he can at least occasionally glance at the turning.

He wonders to himself what Lyra's reaction might be, is she laughing at his suggestion, is it already in the toilet being flushed away to God knows where is she frowning or enraged, or is there that minuscule chance she's lifted the paper to her face and smelt the cologne he dropped a little of on the note. Just as an extra clue this was all from him, obviously.

He manages to stay like this for a few seconds, running through scenarios in his head before he's interrupted. A sly pinch on his backside.

"Eddie, hello?!" Says an annoyed voice under her breath.

Eddie shakes his head back to the reality of the hallway, "Uh, sorry, Tabatha. I didn't see you there", he says, behind his book quietly. He knew better than to talk directly to her in public, primarily because her circle of friends was the sports bunch.

"You just like pushed passed me twice and blanked me", she seethes into her compact mirror, "Anyway, I thought we could do the exchange at lunch, you know?"

"Yeah, yeah, sure." He says quickly, his eyes glancing back up at the turning, immediately realising he was doing this all wrong, but the anticipation was eating him up inside.

This was Tabatha, he'd had a crush on her for years, and for a discount on weed, he was finally getting to explore some of that on a monthly basis, fifteen minutes at a time. He'd forgotten it was today, and 'yeah yeah, sure' was not gonna help him get any further in their trysts. What the fuck was wrong with him today? Urgh, idiot!

"Sorry, Tabs, I got this play coming up and finals, you know. So, of course, angel, anything you want," he says much more gently into his book.

"That's more like it", she purrs quietly, her arm brushing Eddie's and it sending a shiver down his spine. Of course, a relationship between the two of them could never happen, definitely not whilst at school, but even if it could happen, they had very little in the way of common interests, but when had that stopped anyone before, right?

Tabatha was so hot. Like, so extremely hot, it was near to impossible to resist. The extra kicker for Eddie was that she was part of the abstinence club, and she and her boyfriend Adam were apparently waiting for marriage. Eddie knew neither of them were. Sometimes that knowledge made him feel downright wicked and kind of powerful, and sometimes it made him resent them deeply.

Eddie's eyes get drawn back to the turning and still, nothing, had he missed her? They had the same class in a while. He could ask her then.

"Are you waiting for someone else, Eddie?" Tabitha whispers, maybe with a tinge of jealousy. They both knew this wasn't exclusive, but the scales were imbalanced. She could be as jealous as she wanted. Eddie wasn't allowed. He was just supposed to understand and accept. A year down the line, he'd trained himself to do exactly that, but she had not.

"What is it to you if I was, Tabs? You know they couldn't possibly compare, right?" Eddie quietly states with a bit of sarcasm that he doesn't know if she'll pick up on it. It was just to tease her. She knew damn well how good she looked and how wound Eddie was around her little finger.

Tabatha snaps her compact shut and heads into the ladies herself. Eddie waits a few more minutes for Lyra and then heads to class.

Mrs Poole actually clutches her pearls as Eddie enters the class first. He nods a greeting at her and heads straight to his desk.

Once in his seat, there is an awkward five minutes or so when it is just the two of them. Occasionally their eyes meet, Eddie would give her a false closed-mouth smile, and she would look away quickly, sharpen a pencil, or go clean the board.

Eddie slowly finds these interactions more and more amusing, making his smile more enormous and more crazy or sinister each time. She was evidently terrified of him, and he found it ridiculous.

Eventually, people started filing in, and Eddie resumed his usual doodling on his notepad, pretending to not notice his surroundings. However, the first student who enters the room after him immediately gets beckoned to Mrs Poole's desk for an in-depth discussion, making Eddie laugh.

The class seats start filling, but no sign of Lyra is yet. She was never late. Eddie chews the inside of his cheek nervously.

Maybe it was a stupid thing to suggest. Lyra was quite uptight, perhaps the act of giving someone a tape seemed a bit romantic, like a mixtape, but obviously, it wasn't meant that way at all. No way! He just wanted to get to know her. Like he wanted to since day two of seeing her, and also like his Uncle suggested. It just made sense, right? Yeah, that was all. Then he could see if they could be friends, and she wouldn't have to be all alone.

Just as Eddie has assured himself, he's done the right thing and gained a self pat on the back. Lyra enters the classroom, he feels his posture straighten up, but then he forces it back down. He turns to her to try and catch her eye, but her head is bowed down.

She puts her stationary on the table as standard. She fiddles with everything until it's to her liking, but her pencil, she keeps adjusting it slightly, and again, and again. Finally, she turns it completely the other way around.

All the fidgeting is making Eddie feel on edge. He knows that obsessive altering behaviour. He's done it himself more times than he cared to count. It was about control and grounding, the way her fingers traced over the pencil ridges before she moved it. She's counting them.

As soon as Mrs Poole is absorbed in writing on the board, Eddie takes his chance, "Hey, Lyra. Are you ok?" It feels stupid as it leaves his mouth; he knows she isn't, but she does finally look at him.

Eddie's heart plummets to depths. Lyra stares back at him hard, trembling, her eyes red-rimmed and swollen, lashes wet, tear tracks down her cheeks she roughly wipes away when she catches his eyes tracing them, and her mouth tight, holding in everything she can. All she gives him is a sharp "No" before she turns her attention back to the table.

Eddie feels another set of eyes boring into him. He half expects it to be Mrs Poole, but it isn't. It's Tabatha. She looks between Eddie and Lyra and then turns back around.

"Right, so do we have any topics we'd like to centre the debate around today?" Mrs Poole looks around the class, hopefully. Her eyes purposefully avoid Eddie. Not that he cared much right now. He was worried for Lyra. He wanted to explain it was just a friendly thing, he hadn't meant to upset her this much, and maybe he overstepped her boundaries, and he was sorry, and he could fix it.

Tabatha's hand shoots up. "Yes, Tabatha?" Mrs Poole says kindly.

"I think we should talk about something brought to our attention over the last few months. It's a plague of sin affecting our school." Tabatha begins.

Mrs Poole's eyes go directly to Eddie, who mouths, "Years" at her making her look away again.

"What sin specifically are you talking about, Tabatha?" Mrs Poole enquires.

Eddie disengages from the class conversation and pretends to drop something on the floor to lean over to Lyra, "I'm sorry", he whispers.

"Leave me alone", Lyra whispers back with annoyance in her voice.

"No! I mean... I will. I just didn't mean to upset you with the tape. I'm sorry." Eddie tries again quietly before settling back in his chair.

Lyra turns to him, her brow in a deep frown, "No. It's not-" Lyra starts before Tabatha's voice rings out, and they both turn towards it.

"Lust, Mrs Poole. There have been rumours floating around the school for months now. Detailing all sorts of depraved things, and I for one think it's finally got to the truth of the matter, stop these rumours from infecting the purity of Hawkins High."

Eddie hears a pencil snap from Lyra's desk and puts his hand to his face, dragging his fingers down his jaw.

"Tabatha, I'm not sure it's an entirely appropriate topic of conversation." Mrs Poole says, a little flustered.

"Oh, but Mrs Poole, if we don't discuss it in a setting like this, it's only going to be twisted by the rumour mill. Maybe it can be a much simpler debate and appropriate. I believe that sex before marriage is entirely wrong. Abstinence is difficult but not impossible. Sometimes we might be led astray by temptation, but we can resist. Well, as long as you are not of weak moral fibre, that is," Tabatha states plainly, as innocently as she can.

"Well said, Tabatha. I doubt anyone would argue with that reasoning. Probably not much room for debate," Mrs Poole nervously chuckles.

A hand pierces the air, "Well, like, is that more of, like, well, a religious stance? But, like, not everyone in school follows the same, like, religion, ya know." Toby, one of the resident skateboarders, asks.

"It can have religious roots, yes, but some people would rather save themselves for their forever person anyway. It's just good morals. Wouldn't you want that for you and your future wife?" Mrs Poole asks nervously, expecting the worst.

"Damn. I dunno. I guess I wouldn't care all that much. What's wrong with experience?" Toby asks genuinely, "I would not mind that...not at all," he says, directing his words toward Lyra and giggling a little, which ripples through the classroom.

Eddie isn't laughing. He sees Lyra's head bow a little more towards the desk she is etching into with her broken pencil.

"So what you are saying, Toby, is you'd prefer a whore, or slut, riddled with God knows what for a wife?" Tabatha sneers at him.

"Hey, I'll take what I can get." Toby laughs, a few others joining in.

Tabatha rolls her eyes, "I feel this proves my point about weak moral fibre", she says as she gestures at Toby.

Another hand pierces the air sharply. This time it's ignored.

"Tabatha, I feel language like that doesn't need to be used to prove your point. Shall we move on to something else?" Mrs Poole tries to encourage. Until there is a loud bang of a fist hitting the desk, and all eyes are drawn to it.

Eddie raises his hand and pounces as soon as Mrs Poole makes eye contact.

"If I may, whilst I agree with some of the questions raised by our good friend Toby here. I feel like the main problem with sex before marriage is being avoided. It's patriarchal bullshit."

"Language!" Mrs Poole tries to shout over him, but he's out of his seat now.

"You can't see why some guy hundreds of years ago was like, oh when I get married, I want someone who has no experience at all? I'll tell you why. It's because he doesn't want a woman to tell him he's bad at it or that someone was better."

"Eddie, sit down!" Mrs Poole protests, but she is unheard as he paces around the class.

"God forbid a woman held power, or experience or knowledge over a man, especially not in the bedroom. Where his masculinity is really meant to shine." Eddie gives the class a jazz hands-type move, causing a few laughs.

"Edward Munson!! I won't tell you again to"

Eddie moves through a few desks until he's near the front so Tabatha can hear him clearly. He knew she was a complete bitch, and he had no problem with that, but a bully? Eddie couldn't stand it.

"And what is saddest of all is when a woman tears another woman down, for the approval of a man, who couldn't give two shits about how satisfied she is in the bedroom, her dreams of their nuclear family life together, her actual existence as a fellow human being and ultimately ding, ding, ding will trade her in for another as soon as he has an excuse to. Which, by the way, is eight times out of ten sex-related."

"Ok, that's quite enough. I'm calling the principal."

Eddie walks around to his desk and collects his things.

"If you want to save yourself for someone special, do it. If you don't, then don't. Just be smart about it. And most importantly, it's not your fucking business which of those choices anyone else makes, and if they wanted your opinion on their life, they would have asked for it. "

Eddie wanted to say more, so much more. He wanted to out their behaviours and display them for the hypocrites they were, but he resisted for two reasons. One, he did not want his head kicked in, and two, if he did, they could fight back and defend themselves, but if he didn't, they'd just have to stew.

"All of that is coming from a real privileged position. Not everyone gets to make that choice themselves. So maybe before you start judging someone about something that you shouldn't even be thinking about, you total perverts, you should assess yourselves first. Stones and glass and all that mumbo jumbo." Eddie wiggles his fingers and crosses his eyes before sitting down and awaiting his escort to the principles office.

Eddie didn't need the class to know who was doing what. He just needed the select few to see, he had the ammo, and this was a warning shot.

Mrs Poole glares at Eddie and looks around the class, "Maybe we can spend the rest of the class writing a small piece about how judgement can affect anyone of us."

Eddie turns to look at Lyra, who is busy packing her stuff, tears streaming down her face. Had he made everything worse now? He was so confused. He just wanted to help her. To protect her.

Lyra pushes a note onto Eddie's desk before storming out of the class.

Eddie opens it up quickly as soon as she's gone.

"The tape was fine, it didn't upset me, but I don't need you to stand up for me."

#eddie munson #stranger things #eddiemunson #eddie stranger things #stranger things fanfiction #eddie munson fanfic #fanfiction #eddie x reader #romance #eddie munson x oc #eddie munson fluff #eddie munson oc

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hanzajesthanza · 3 years ago

Photo

protégée, a fanmix following angoulême & regis’ mentorship and friendship

[link to spotify] [link to cover art post]

tracklist: 1. Into the Unknown - Over the Garden Wall // 2. A Lot’s Gonna Change - Weyes Blood // 3. Hey, Who Really Cares - Linda Perhacs // 4. Against the Sky - Vashti Bunyan // 5. Wild West - Gregory and the Hawk // 6. The Circle Game - Joni Mitchell // 7. How Sad, How Lovely - Connie Converse // 8. Lost Bird - Syd Matters // 9. Blackbird - The Beatles (cover by Sarah McLachland) // 10. Spring: Wake - The Arcadian Wild // 11. Swallow Song - Vashti Bunyan // 12. I Look Up to You - LAKE // 13. Francis Forever - Mitski // 14. A Forest - The Cure // 15. Fade Into You - Mazzy Star // 16. I’d Like To Walk Around Inside Your Mind - Vashti Bunyan // 17. Landscape With A Fairy - aspidistrafly // 18. Wayward Hum - Vashti Bunyan // 19. You Are The Moon - The Hush Sound // 20. I’ll Be Your Mirror - The Velvet Underground & Nico

(significance of the lyrics & the meaning of each song as it relates to the characters underneath the cut. warning, this is long!)

also this relates to my fic in the works so if things seem a little non-canon... they are :> but i will be explaining the premises and central themes/questions of it as i go through the lyrics :D

Into the Unknown

Led through the mist By the milk-light of moon All that was lost, is revealed

Our long bygone burdens, mere echoes of the spring, But where have we come, and where shall we end? If dreams can't come true, then why not pretend?

this song is a good beginning to set the scene and begin the story. it vaguely follows the central theme of “dreams,” “pretending,” and “[lovely] lies” which is the larger theme of the hansa’s time in toussaint. the main conflict for the hansa is that they begin to dream a beautiful dream, in which they live pleasant lives as nobility in the duchy, eat a banquet for breakfast every day lasting two to sometimes three hours... but none of this is actually real, as none of these identies are who they are really are. so although they become so close and become a family, there leaves a question of how much is real, and how much is a dream, a hope, a wish that can never come true?

furthermore for regis and angouleme in particular this means as regis approaches the concept of being human and as angouleme approaches the idea of being a loved-for cared-for child, they both must confront the chilling reality that neither of these two things are true and to believe in them would be setting themselves up to dream a pleasant dream which will never come true instead of facing the difficulties of their realities.

+ there’s some moonlight imagery which is all too appropriate on regis’s behalf, and the idea of “being led through the mist” is exactly what occurs between regis and angouleme, he guides her through

A Lot’s Gonna Change

the first half of this song relates to angouleme and the second half relates to regis:

If I could go back to a time before now Before I ever fell down I'd go back to a time when I was just a girl When I had the whole world Gently wrapped around me

And no good thing could be taken away If I still believed that hearts don't lie

as a child before the nilfgaardian war broke out, angouleme grew up in the safety of a cintrian territory. when she was sold to the orphanage by her relatives and later escaped with the other orphans, she left behind that childhood -- too quickly. when speaking with geralt and cahir she mentions how others see her (and how she sees herself): “‘You sound like an investigating judge,’ she hissed and screwed up her face ludicrously. ‘Among the criminals, pah! Strayed from the path of virtue, bah!’” this is a similar sentiment to the lyrics “If I could go back to a time before now / Before I ever fell down / (...) when I was just a girl”. this song represents how angouleme was forcibly and violently ousted from her childhood and yearns for it, yearns to be loved by a family and kept safe like a child again. but it’s a simple dream, as the lyrics suggest, “And no good thing could be taken away / If I still believed that hearts don't lie”, angouleme belives that good things will be taken away from her, that people are cruel and will not act in her best interests. thus there is doubt and this is where we start with her character arc in toussaint

Born in a century lost to memories Falling trees, get off your knees No one can keep you down If your friends and your family Sadly don't stick around It's high tide, you'll learn to get by

the first lyric of the stanza, “Born in a century lost to memories” is quite obvious in how it relates to regis... i see the lyrics “If your friends and your family / Sadly don't stick around” relating as to how his true friends left him as his condition worsened. and as for “It's high tide, you'll learn to get by”, in the previous fanmix i made i think i explained how i use the metaphor of an ocean, waves, rising tide, and drowning to relate to regis’ alcoholism swallowing him.

overall this song highlights regis and angouleme’s similarities in what they have lost and what they stand to gain (i.e., family).

Hey, Who Really Cares

Been coming down for a long time Changes coming down on me Can't seem to carry them all now Been wishing there was someone else I could be

Hey now, who really cares Hey, won't somebody listen Let me say what's been on my mind Can I bring it out to you I need someone to talk to And no one else would spare me the time

so a main scene in my fic and how i think about regis and angouleme’s relationship developing is that angouleme gets herself into trouble and pursuers are trying to follow her into toussaint. she can’t speak to geralt about it because she sees him too much as authority, but regis has no care for authority so she is able to confide in him and he can give her some advice on the matter. thus, angouleme searching for someone to listen to her, to talk to... also because she has always been so alone in her life she has rarely ever confided in anyone

Against The Sky

And with the trees against the sky Another life's remembered Some evening skies are yellow And over my head they're blue What happened to the green between It happened to me, too

as angouleme divulges the conflicts she’s embroiled in and speaks of her struggles, regis goes from being a passive advisor to a concerned guardian. and this is initially because he sees how similar her current life is to his own youth, before... well... before he died violently. so he becomes more involved after this realization, “Another life’s remembered”, because... “What happened to the green between (green as a synonym for ‘youth’, referencing angouleme) / It happened to me, too”

Wild West

Realize, there's no sense in losing your mind before your time

In order not to worry you write the words down But it's a fool's game and your game face is shameful

Rise young sun you're a tireless one And you'll be back, burning When the morning comes when you catch my soul upon waking Will you make a wish

as regis advises and protects angouleme he basically says what all old people say to all young people; that is, ‘stop worrying so much, you’re so young,’ “Realize, there's no sense in losing your mind before your time.” which would be annoying, but since regis is over four centuries old i think he’s justified in saying this because he has evaluated the human condition for some time now.

and it does help to soothe angouleme’s anxieties because she lives in a constant flight-or-fight mode, she lives so in the moment concerned with survival that she doesn’t even process that she is young, she is barely an adult, and she could even live a full adult life with goals and hopes and dreams. which transitions us into the next two songs...

The Circle Game

And the seasons they go round and round And the painted ponies go up and down We're captive on the carousel of time We can't return we can only look Behind from where we came And go round and round and round In the circle game

this song is about a couple of things. i think it’s primarily about regis describing the human condition to angouleme and them together facing that they cannot go back in time and change the wrongs they have committed or what they have each lost, “We can't return, we can only look / Behind from where we came.” angouleme, as she comes to live a more calm and peaceful life in the palace instead of the streets, as she *gains* this life, she realizes just how much she has *lost*: her mother, her distant relatives, her life in cintra, her entire childhood... and what she has committed, those she has killed in cold blood, those she stole from and murdered... and it’s a startling, hurtful realization. in some respects... this is her ‘sobriety.’ and as regis started his own ‘sobriety’ years ago, he understands how that hallowing that realization of loss is, as he lost his own friends, and hurt people too, he knows what she feels. and helps her to cope with it. however, this thought also leads us to the next... “As the last revolving year is through...”

How Sad, How Lovely

How sad, how lovely, How short, how sweet, To see the sunset At the end of a street

Too few, too few Are the days that will hold your face, your face in a blaze of cold

so there’s a few ways to interpret this song but the way i interpret it... is that it is about mortality, about the eventual death (the night at the end of the day). life is lovely, death is sad - together they are how sad, how lovely.

so upon this assurance that angouleme is young and she has much to learn... also comes facing that this girl that regis is coming to understand as a daughter is mortal, human, and destined for death no matter what... and as an immortal regis cannot follow her there... and he cannot prevent it... so this song is about him thinking about humanity and mortality and “How sad, how lovely, / How short, how sweet” it must be “To see the sunset / At the end of a street” i.e., to die, an experience which (he thinks. smirk emoji) he will never have. and lamenting that even angouleme in all her youth will die, “Too few, too few / Are the days that will hold your face”

Lost Bird

another song that relates to both regis and angouleme :)

Small lies, tiny heart Your journey has worn you out I see nothing but shame in your smile A lost bird's flying high

angouleme is 1) described as small. yes it is true she is, 2) worn out from her journey (her life), and 3) full of shame, as she was born into shame, shamed for simply existing, lives in shame as a criminal... i explain more about this in this post about her and cahir

Old face, tired ears Wrong turnings and souvenirs I see hundreds of memories when you sigh A lost bird remembers

regis 1) is old. yes it is true he is. 2) has made many ‘wrong turns’ .. 3) has hundreds of memories...

overall this song is about how they are similar - they are both “lost bird”s even in "a clear sky,” even in toussaint, when angouleme is free from pursuers. even in the 13th century, when regis is sober, they are still lost and searching for answers...

Blackbird

Blackbird singing in the dead of night Take these broken wings and learn to fly All your life You were only waiting for this moment to arise

Blackbird fly Into the light of the dark black night

angouleme is the blackbird (small... thing) singing in the dead of night (hopelessness), regis gives her his wings and eyes (flight/freedom, sight/wisdom). essentially angouleme just needed guidance and someone to believe in her “You were only waiting for this moment to arise.” also regis teaches her that the dark night isn’t something to be afraid of

Spring: Wake

Because you bear my likeness Blessed be your name

Walk with me, my child (...)

You are prince of all you see I’d like us to care for it together You just look so much like me My affections for you have no measure

You are my begotten The one I love Today I am your father Our story’s just begun

lots of garden of eden symbolism here, prommy i’m not christian. but the ‘we’re in a garden, you look just like me, i’m your dad i love you unconditionally’ it’s all coming together... one of the lighter songs that focuses on some good old fashioned sapkowskian parent-child mentorship montage (think of geralt and ciri swordtraining, or yennefer and ciri learning magic, or milva being taught archery by her father).

Swallow Song

And there's a sunset brimming over the sky And there's a swallow teaching it's young how to fly Up on high See how fast the summer passes by

okay so this song follows the dreamy and light tone of the previous song - these two songs focus on the lighthearted, calm moments where the hansa (altogether) is envisioning themselves as a family in the perfect little duchy, an idyllic life together

I Look Up To You

With the sorrow in our hearts we can play And I look up to you When we hear different sounds than the heartless do Wakeful at night looking everywhere for you Why do I look up to you?

this is us now beginning to take a darker turn into the final act/conflict of the narrative... the song is slower, a little more melancholy...

ok so i wouldn’t say the dream comes crashing down around them, but i think they just understand again that although they share similarities they are such different people and, particularly for angouleme... there is such vastness that she won’t ever know about regis... and he is kind of a mysterious individual yk.

so it’s a bit of a self-fulfilling conflict because with the very tools of being inquisitive and philosophizing and thinking about deeper meanings that she learned from regis, angouleme starts to question this dream and what it means for both of them (regis has already gone through this on his end - see how sad, how lovely)... for angouleme, it’s a difficulty because she wants this so much to be real but neither of them actually know what this is like is he her dad her mentor her friend her advisor what...

this sort of comes to a head with a scene/montage (have not even begun to write this yet but just trust me. or don’t. idc) where angouleme searches for regis at night (when they usually speak) but cannot find him anywhere and even though he’s literally just gone because he’s a guy with a life, she channels her fear and disgust at being abandoned by her mother and her relatives at this... and because she’s not willing to make her needs known (instead of just like pulling him aside like ‘hey can we talk’ and waiting for coincidence to give her an opportunity to talk) she sees it as him avoiding her and spirals a little realizing that it’s only been a couple of months and a handful of conversations and days spent together and yet she’s so attached to this guy as like a psuedo-guardian... so she’s both mad at herself and at him too. even though he has no idea she’s mad at him and is like ??? (fire sign VS air sign confusion)

Francis Forever

I don’t know what to do without you I don’t know where to put my hands I’ve been trying to lay my head down But I’m writing this at 3 AM

I don’t need the world to see That I’ve been the best I can be but I don’t think I can stand to be Where you don’t see me

Autumn comes when you’re not yet done With the summer passing by but I don’t think I can stand to be Where you don’t see me

angouleme’s side of the conflict - she becomes dependent on a guardian figure who doesn’t even fully grasp the responsibility of being a guardian figure (re: the vampire canon/my vampire headcanons based upon the canon). she is now inbetween the dream and reality - is the hansa a family? or are they just another company that will dissipate and leave her alone again? is regis her guardian? or is he an individual that took pity on her enough to give her advice? she’s struggling with this because she really longs for that parental approval in her life when no one has ever approved of her, “I don’t need the world to see / That I’ve been the best I can be but / I don’t think I can stand to be / Where you don’t see me” but also it’s not regis’ responsibility for this (and also girl he does not know what is in your mind rn. come on)

A Forest

Come closer and see See into the trees Find the girl While you can

Come closer and see See into the dark Just follow your eyes Just follow your eyes

I hear her voice Calling my name The sound is deep In the dark

I hear her voice And start to run Into the trees Into the trees

Suddenly I stop But I know it’s too late I’m lost in a forest All alone

The girl was never there It’s always the same I’m running towards nothing Again and again and again

regis’ side of the conflict - so the being ‘lost in a forest’ represents how he’s lost in his own mind (soooo true for his character. always). as with parents... they become lost, their children give them direction. the girl calling him, of course, is angouleme. he’s still grappling with the whole mortal/immortal human/vampire thing too :B

Fade Into You

I look to you and I see nothing I look to you to see the truth

angouleme looks to regis to get advice and answers... she wants to see the truth but she also sees nothing (because... he’s just a shadow... whoa)

You live your life, you go in shadows You'll come apart and you'll go black

also about regis. he as a living shadow who has come apart and come back to life...

Some kind of night into your darkness Colors your eyes with what's not there

this again is about the dream they

Fade into you Strange you never knew

and again about how they are so similar they “fade into [each other]”. and “strange you never knew” is ofc angouleme pov about regis, it’s strange how he didn’t see the parental connection forming (well he did but he was too caught up philosophizing about it and what it Meant for them instead of just simply acting when it mattered most to her)

I’d Like To Walk Around In Your Mind

I'd like to walk around in your mind someday I'd like to walk all over the things you say to me

I'd like to run and jump on your solitude I'd like to rearrange your attitude to me

You say you just want peace and to never hurt anyone You see the end before the beginning has ever begun

I would disturb your easy tranquillity I'd turn away the sad impossibility of your smile

I'd sit there in the sun of the things I like about you I'd sing my songs and find out just what they mean to you

this song is broadly about how angouleme [has come to] live on praise and regis’ empathy and care for her, “walk all over the things you say to me,” but finds him annoyingly distant, “run and jump on your solitude,” “disturb your easy tranquillity,” “turn away the sad impossibility of your smile”. ... this again is his curse as an air sign... essentially she just wants to know how he sees her, “sing my songs and find out just what they mean to you.” the problem being, of course, that he still doesn’t know how he sees her!

Landscape With a Fairy

Burnished by Autumn Trees hued in crimson Yet the days darken Now you've gone away

this song generally fits the tone and theme of the situation and overall fanmix... the peaceful sad yearning...

Wayward Hum

[instrumental]

this song has no lyrics, but it’s the tune of the song wayward which occured in the album, so it allows me to pick and choose some of the lyrics and meaning from that without pulling the whole song: mainly, “didn’t want to be the one / the one who was left behind” ...

realizing now i didn’t finish the story but uh. well we KNOW how it ends... they leave on january 8th, or maybe the 9th... meet geralt at the gate... ride over the mountain passes... and there you have it

You Are The Moon

Darkness, darkness everywhere, do you feel all alone?

You don’t see what you posess, a beauty calm and clear

I will bring a mirror, so silver, so exact So precise and so pristine, a perfect pane of glass I will set the mirror up to face the blackened sky You will see your beauty every moment that you rise

it’s just vibes honestly like all they had to do was mention darkness, the full moon, a mirror, and insecurities, and i was like ok i’m adding this yeah that sounds about right

i feel like this and the next song go hand in hand (think about what is the symbolism of the mirror...)

I’ll Be Your Mirror

I'll be your mirror Reflect what you are, in case you don't know I'll be the wind, the rain and the sunset The light on your door to show that you're home

When you think the night has seen your mind That inside you're twisted and unkind Let me stand to show that you are blind Please put down your hands 'cause I see you

(...) let me be your eyes A hand to your darkness, so you won't be afraid

it is often said that children are reflections of their parents... (this art is old and i need to redo it - but the thought behind it is what counts)

thx for reading if you made it this far :B

#the witcher #the witcher books #emiel regis #regis #angouleme #c: regis #c: angouleme #mix #f: i'm not your uncle dear child

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