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finelinevogue · 2 years ago

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distant promises

summary - Bucky has been on a mission for a long time and you miss him

warnings: insomnia, long-distance relationship, swearing, Christmas sadness (only slightly)

pairing: boyfriend!bucky x reader

word count: 2k

Bucky had been gone for 6 months now.

He was currently on a mission in the French Alps, taking down some military base that had connections to HYDRA. The mission meant a lot to him, not thanks to having been tested on and tortured with over a multitude of years. It had taken him a while to be comfortable with who he was and rid himself of the Winter Soldier. You could see him coming accepting himself for who he truly was more each day. He wasn't afraid of who he was anymore and it was an honour to have helped him through that.

It was currently 1 in the morning and you still had yet to fall asleep. You had been finding it harder and harder to fall asleep as the months went by without Bucky. It certainly didn't help that you were taking extra shifts at Starbucks, in order to pay off some debts you owed to banks and Bucky.

Bucky kept telling you to cut back on the shifts and let him pay off some of your debts you owed him too much already that you couldn’t justify anymore.

So insomnia it was.

You honestly couldn't think of what you'd done to deserve him.

Turning in bed to check your phone, you started scrolling through your Instagram to like photos on your dashboard. There were some pictures of friends who were out clubbing, singing Christmas songs at the top of their lung. There were also some celebrities posting magazine shoots and as always there were the cat accounts that you religiously followed.

You were scrolling and liking for about ten minutes before you had an incoming call from Bucky.

"Hey Buck." You sounded surprised that he'd called you. Normally it was too risky to call since he didn’t want anyone to track his phone and give away his location, but here he was.

"Hi babe." You could hear the smile in his voice.

"What's up?" You asked as you snuggled further under the warmth of your fresh, clean, duvet.

"I saw you were active on Instagram, but I know it’s really early morning where you are so I just wanted to make sure everything is okay?"

Knowing that Bucky kept tabs on what time it was where you were was just one of the small things he did which meant a whole lot more than anything his money could buy you.

"Yeah everything's good.” Buck stayed silent as you answered, knowing there was more to it. “It’s, um, just that I wish you were here with me."

"Oh darling, I miss you so much. I promise you it won't be long before I see you next." Now it was your turn to remain silent. "Y/N? Please don't cry darling."

“Sorry.” You sniffled, getting yourself worked up over something so trivial.

"Hey, no. Don’t apologise. I have to go really soon love, but I'm not going to hang up until I know you're alright."

"No need to worry about me Buck. I'll be alright." You tried to say as happily as possible, but you knew Bucky would catch on that what you were saying was far from the truth.

"Babe, you know I worry about you constantly." He laughed.

“Like literally ALL the time.” You heard Sam shout in the background, making you laugh.

"Is Sam there?" You asked Bucky.

“Yeah. Y’wanna say hi?”

"Mhm."

"Y/N I can’t deal with this emotional softie anymore." Sam said without a hello.

“Emotional softie? Are we sure we’re talking about the same man?” You teased Bucky, knowing that he most likely had you on speaker phone.

“The bionic-dude right?” Sam made himself laugh and you heard a grunt from what sounded like Bucky punching Sam. You rolled your eyes over their stupid playfulness, before Bucky came back to the phone.

"Yeah, that's enough of that.”

“Surprised you two have kept each other alive.” You laughed to Bucky, eyes feeling heavier now that you’d safely heard from him.

“Barely.” You shuffled again in bed. “Okay darling, I have to go now. As much as I don't want to I'm gonna have to love you and leave you. Just promise me you'll try and get some sleep?"

“As long as you promise to come home for Christmas.”

"I promise."

“Then I promise too.”

"I love you." Bucky just kissed the microphone to make it sound like he was really kissing you. You kissed yours back and you both stayed on the phone for another minute as you wrapped up your goodbye, before you attempted some better sleep.

•••••

Needless to say, when you woke up the next morning you felt awful.

There was still no surprise Bucky waking up next to you. There was a lack of smell on his side of the bed where he should be sleeping. There was no mess on his side of the room or whistling from a silly tune he’d make up.

It was going to be another day without him and with only a few days until Christmas, you were starting to lose hope on spending it with him.

Your scheduled alarm went off at 7am for your morning shift. You aspired to open up your own cafe one day and so you wanted to get the knowledge of how business operates and be able to tackle customer experience first hand. That’s why you worked in Starbucks. You were also taking an online degree in finance and business, to help you for when you open your cafe.

You got ready by putting on your black jeans and the Starbucks t-shirt. You threw on your basic vans and grabbed your bag before going out the front door to work. Starbucks was about a 30 minute walk from your shared house. Normally Bucky would drive you, because that's the gentleman he is, but because he hasn't been here you've been walking to work. It’s mostly a pleasant walk, but you hate having so much time to yourself and your thoughts.

Your manager told you that you'd be managing the shop floor today, meaning you had to give all the employees individual jobs, whilst help make the drinks and also be in charge of the tills’ money. It was going to be a stressful, but worth the experience.

Plus, anything to keep your mind off Bucky and how he was doing

It had been about 2 hours into your shift and you'd managed to get through with no complaints, so you’d given yourself a break. You weren’t feeling hungry just yet though, so you just got a cappuccino and went into the back office for your 20 minute break.

Not even 3 minutes into your break one of the employees came in.

"Hi Y/N. Sorry to disturb you but there's a customer out front who wants a manager to complain to."

This was a reason why you didn’t want to be a manager all the time, because you were really bad for getting upset when someone shouted at you.

"Ok. Thanks Nina. I'll be there in 2 seconds." You wiped your hand around your mouth to make sure there's no froth left behind and then went back out front. "Nina, where are they?" You asked her, as you couldn't see anyone obvious who looked like they wanted to complain.

"Umm..." She scanned the room. "Oh, that gentleman sat by the window over there." She pointed to a man who had his hoodie slightly pulled up and was looking out the window.

Walking over, you wiped your clammy hands on your red apron because as much as you put on a brave face sometimes social interactions gave you anxiety. You took a deep breathe before being prepared to get screamed at. Why anyone would want to scream and shout this close to Christmas you didn’t understand. Where was the Christmas joy?

"Hi. I'm Y/N. My colleague said you had a complaint?" You asked politely.

"Yeah I just wanted to complain that this cup of coffee is not nearly as good as the one that my girlfriend makes at home. So, why is that?" He turned around to you and took down the hood from his head and sunglasses off to look directly at you.

You took a step back, reaching for the counter to support yourself from fainting in disbelief.

Bucky was in your Starbucks making a "complaint".

You covered your face with your hands as you sunk down to the floor crying. You were so shocked that he was actually here that you didn't even know how to act. He laughed at as he stood up from his chair and slowly walked over to where you were crouched down on the floor.

You stood up and looked around to see customers and colleagues smiling and Nina was filming the whole thing. "You knew! Oh for fuck sake!" You cry-laughed, as you pointed at Nina.

"Surprise?"

You just shook your head. You could hear Bucky laughing at the whole situation - a laugh that you'd missed more than you'd allowed yourself to believe.

"Do I not get an ecstatic run, jump and a hug from my girlfriend?" Bucky joked, holding his arms wide open for you to be engulfed in.

"You're a knob!" You joked at him, shaking your head because you couldn't get over he was actually in front of you.

"Sam said you'd say that!"

You slapped your hand on your forehead when you actually realised what was going on. "What the actual fuck? You're really here?"

"I'm worried it's taken you this long to realise it, darling!" His arms were still wide open.

You laughed as you ran and jumped into his warm and loving embrace. You wrapped your arms around his neck and legs around his waist, whilst he wrapped his arms firmly around your waist to support you from falling. You started to cry again whilst inhaling his sweet cinnamon scent. He just smelt like home. "I'm going to have go on missions more often if it means I can surprise you like this!" He said, but you were too busy crying over the fact your best friend was back in your arms.

"You're actually here." You whispered into his neck.

"I am, love. I am right here." He whispered back to you, pressing a multitude of kisses to the side of your face. "I'm always going to be here." You didn't care that he was being the stereotypical smushy boyfriend, right now you were just glad you were back with each other.

You let each other go. Bucky wiped your tears away with the sleeve of his hoodie and kissed your forehead.

"I've still got like 2 hours of my shift left." You said, wondering what he's going to do now.

"Yeah, fuck no. I spoke to your manager and she was more than happy for you to go home early. With me, obviously."

"Really?" Your eyes lit up over the thought of spending the rest of the day glued next to him.

"Let's go home and get some well deserved sleep for a change." He took your hand and squeezed it, just once more for reassurance that he was home with you.

#bucky barnes blurbs #bucky barnes fight #bucky barnes fic #bucky barnes imagines #bucky barnes fluff #bucky barnes one shot #bucky barnes x reader #bucky fluff #finelinevogue ficmas 2022 #finelinevogue ficmas #ficmas

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soundspeachytome · 1 year ago

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from this day forward - shohei ohtani au

a wedding au where shohei and female reader have broken up and anywhere within shohei's 5-foot radius is molten lava

special mentions: lars nootbar as the couple's best friend

trope: friends to lovers to strangers to lovers again, second chance, a bit of forced proximity, fluff

word count: 4560 words

other notes: started out as angst but decided towards a more peaceful resolution

written under the influence of 1989 the vault tracks. thank you mother taylor for your genius brain.

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The next time you'd see Shohei Ohtani was in a wedding ceremony. He would be wearing an expensive grey suit and a tie in oxford blue that you've picked up for him months before. His thick dark hair would've been waxed and slicked back showing more of his forehead. If it had been last spring, that hairstyle would not have lasted as your fingers would tug the back of his head while he stole you kisses at the security of someone's bathroom sink, locked away in the gentle murmur that both escaped your lips. You'd be late and attracting a lot of stares from the guests and terse expressions from the bride and groom, definitely knowing your shenanigans. Instead, you came here alone, at the demand of your best friend and bride, Jessica, agreeing to meet up with the rest of the entourage. Your absolute consolation would be rubbing elbows with some of Jessica's celebrity friends, being a celebrity herself, and eating expensive food. For free. You'd be seeing Shohei too, yes, since he used to be in Jessica's social circle through you, only this time, you'd be alone.

You clutched your drawstring purse tightly and made a beeline towards the mobile bar that served drinks. If you'd have to go through this entire ordeal while nursing your broken heart--in a wedding reception, no less--you might as well get plastered.

In the last summer that you've spent with Shohei Ohtani, you realized it wasn't all rainbows and sunshine. Although the relationship did start as a one-night stand and friendly banter, you caught yourself falling deep for him. You believed he did too as he spent more and more time in your apartment and called you often despite being out of town for the season.

You knew the consequences being involved with him like that but as if under a spell, you ignored the red flags that came with being his lover. One of them being constantly reminded of public pressure and opinion. Not even being a hotshot professor with a PHD in Creative Writing and Literature in a prominent university could save you from criticism. Being the golden boy of Japanese baseball had its repercussions. The media's constant prodding into your relationship took a toll on you since the beginning. You don't like attracting attention to yourself. You were quite the private person, so was Shohei. He only answered questions about his work in the big leagues, in respect to your wishes. So why did it feel like a betrayal when he actually dodged the media when they playfully inject questions about your not-so-secret secret? Why did it feel like a denial when he could've acknowledged the relationship like a normal person at least once? But Shohei was not a normal person, and you knew that. He was special beyond imagination and you wouldn't want to do anything that would ruin his reputation, much like his chances to appease both Western and Japanese media.

Secondly, when his dedicated fanbase learned about you being in Shohei's life, they went rabid. They found your social media accounts despite having a vague name handle on Instagram; you didn't even have your personal photo on your profile. But they were scarily smart, his fans. They figured out your cryptic photos and captions that aligned to the locations Shohei was recorded to be at (and those were your actual short quiet dates around town during his free days). You had to ironically laugh out loud once, when it all suddenly happened, an unspeakable number of notifications flooding your phone, messages you couldn't ever dream o tf ever receiving.

"Are you sure you're Shohei's girlfriend??? you don't look like Shohei's type at all."

"Girl, you're constantly with Shohei recently? Are you a stalker pretending to be his girl for attention?"

"This girl in her delulu era lmao"

It took you all the restraint in your body to reply to these anonymous accounts, convincing yourself it was not worth it. You knew with every fiber of your being that showing off Shohei Ohtani as your boyfriend was worth every malicious comment sent to you, but you didn't. You never did. You never mentioned this to him despite the anxiety eating you alive. For you, at that time, as long as you have him tangled in bedsheets, in the quietest moments, the clamor of the world outside did not matter.

Of course, you were wrong again. Much like every out of the ordinary couple, it was destined to fail. It did not take long until he got frustrated with your frustrations. It also affected your work. More and more students gossiped and faculty bullied you into oblivion. But why couldn't you tell him anything? Why wouldn't you show him how heavy carrying the relationship has started to feel? The thing is, you didn't feel like you should demand anything more, that being with him was already a blessing and demanding more means being greedy.

One night when both of you were coming off from a sugar high after eating too much cookie dough from Target, your head lay on his arms and his face pressed against yours. You laid there in bed with him in the silence, except for the rapid beating of your heart against his chest. You prayed for moments like this, and now it's happening. You love this. You love hi--

"I think I love you." you blurted out.

"Hmm?" he doesn't lift his head and continued to lay there, voice sounding sleepy as ever.

"I think... I think I'm in love with you, Sho." you whispered. "I like you more than the first date. It's just something I felt a while back..." you rambled on waiting for a response and when you tried to unentangle yourself from his hold, he suddenly tightened his embrace, beckoning you to stay still under the covers. He started lightly snoring after a few minutes.

He heard it, right? You thought he had fallen asleep but he heard you.

So why didn't he say it back?

"You gave up on him, remember?" You said to yourself as you sipped your first glass of raspberry limoncello prosecco. "So stop acting like he owes you anything. Not even an explanation or closure, Y/N."

You caught your faint reflection on the sliding glass door right beside the mobile bar. You were wearing a blue satin dress you bought for this wedding. The neckline going lower than when you first tried it on, revealing a bit of your cleavage. The dress also has a bonus feature: the maxi dress has a slit that stops just below your right thigh. You originally bought this at the same with Shohei's tie. You thought you'd surprise him with how sexy the dress was, and with you wearing it, you could only imagine his reaction. You sighed, as you took one last look on your dress, you noticed a familiar face nearing from behind you.

"Are you sure you're not trying to get him back with that dress?" Lars Nootbar loomed from behind, grinning, eyeing the skirt.

"It would need me more than a seductive dress to get him back, Lars." You scoffed. "Besides, I'm not that drunk yet." You proudly raised your half full glass of prosecco. Lars, your best friend and wingman, who was unfortunate enough to get caught in the Cold War (Pre-Break-Up Phase), down to the Great Depression (Post-Break Up Phase) and had to be there for the both of you, separately. Poor old Lars couldn't pick a side between his two besties, that he had to go back and forth between spending his time comforting you while you went on a How I Met Your Mother rabbithole while eating only salty snacks and leftover cake; and Shohei dragging him to go on a 5-mile jog almost every morning and deadlifting more than 400lbs lbs to "bulk up for the next season". Shohei knew that Lars could smell through his bullshit. Lars gave no comment every time he suggested something crazy during their workouts, or tried to talk him out of it. He was also tightlipped on how both of you were dealing with the break up, and for that, you and Shohei were grateful.

"Well, I'll keep my radar on in case you start hysterical crying during the reception."

"Good call. Maybe tie a leash around my ankles while you're at it." you rolled your eyes and he sniggered, revealing his dimples.

"Lars, I swear to God, I just want to go through this wedding without breaking down. The good thing is our breakup is already out in the open, so he's walking the aisle last with his new, equally-tall, bridesmaid partner, who also happens to be a model for Vogue Japan." you said a matter-of-factly.

"Did you do your research on the bridesmaids, Miss FBI?" said Lars. It was only a matter of coping that you stalked all the women he has spent time with in social events. This wedding is no different, you thought. You just wanted to know if he had moved on with another fling. If he already replaced you that quick, then it would make you feel more vindicated when you presumed he didn't love you and fight for you at all.

"The internet is an amazing thing. I know now how his fans got so obsessed with hunting me down."

"Did you run out of TV series to binge on that you're now stalking your ex?" said Lars. He was smiling but his eyes showed a slight worry in his expression.

"Someone's got to fill in the role of the crazy ex, you know." you joked. "Don't worry, big guy, I'm not going to have a relapse after just one wedding."

He eyed you dolefully. "I'll keep an eye on you, lady."

"There he is! Our MVP!" someone shouts. Suddenly a number of guests flocked towards the end of the hall, clapping and greeting Shohei Ohtani, who just entered the reception with Ippei Mizuhara, his trusty friend and interpreter. He smiled politely and greeted everyone as he tried to find his way towards the crowd, eyes scanning the place.

"Ooh... He came without a date. Interesting turn of events--" commented Lars, about to say a joke but was interrupted when you swiveled on your feet so fast, you could've been a Yo-yo. Lars let out a loud laugh, inviting a few looks from nearby guests. Your back facing them, sipping your prosecco nervously, and pretending your Midnight Blue marble nail art is more interesting than Baseball star, Shohei Ohtani (who inconsequentially just happens to be your ex-lover. NBD.)

"Shut up and stop looking at him!" you hissed.

Lars chuckled and before he could say anything more, the wedding coordinator's voice boomed into the speakers. "Entourage, come forward please."

"Oh, fantastic. Here we go." You downed your remaining drink and took Lars by the arm.

By the time you got to the entourage queue, someone called your name.

"Y/N as bridesmaid, come here please." Linda, the wedding coordinator in a stunning dress suit and pants called out. You went to her, trying to avoid eye contact with everyone else. Everyone was probably gossiping how you and Shohei didn't arrive together, or why you have your arms linked with Lars instead of his. You tried brushing it off but the guests' side glances really bothered you.

"Groomsmen, Shohei Ohtani. Stand beside Y/N, please."

It must've been the wine because you thought you were hearing things. You chuckled to yourself. You thought Linda called--

"Shohei Ohtani, stand here, please!" Linda was waving at Shohei, who was at the back of the line to come forward and pointing at the space beside you. It took you a couple of seconds to realize what it all meant. Your eyes turned around to look for Lars. He was 2 rows behind you and reciprocated your panicked gaze.

"Um, Linda, there must've been a mis--" You started but were immediately cut off when Shohei came to your side.

"We're good, Linda. Thank you." He smiled politely and shook his head at me. You could only look back in disbelief.

"Didn't you say you'd have the list updated with Jessica?" You blurted out.

"I did."

"So?" Your voice raising. Shohei gave you a furtive look. He stood closer and offered his arm. All those mental preparations you had planned went down the drain as soon as you stood close to him.

"I couldn't." He started.

"I know I should have. When we split up, I always thought we would get back together so I put off telling Jessica about the breakup... and changing the list... would be... Pointless."

"You act as if you did something to prevent the breakup." you said bitterly. "Let's just get this over with and move on to our separate ways, okay?"

He looked pained when he searched your eyes, hoping you could return his gaze. You didn't and only looked straight ahead. You knew he was looking at you. You knew he was trying to say something more but couldn't. You knew that if you looked at him and saw his sad brown eyes, you'd go soft and all those months of trying to get him out of your system would all be for nothing. You're able to stand up now because you chose not to wait for him anymore. Don't go searching for a reason to look back now.

You swallowed hard. Making a big deal out of this would only draw flak from other guests and with especially with Jessica. It's her day after all. No time for any of your meltdowns. The last thing you wanted to do is make a scene in the presence of Shohei. Especially in front of Shohei, so you put on your big girl shoes on and took his arm to walk down the aisle. You silently die inside as you gripped his biceps hard against your hand.

Oh god, this is going to be a long day, you groaned inwardly.

The wedding ceremony went surprisingly quick. The bridesmaids were seated separately from the groomsmen on the opposite side of the hall. Once you and Shohei reached the end of the aisle, you immediately let go of his arm and walked towards the bridesmaids' table without glancing at him; Shohei did the same and walked as fast and normal as he could, trying to steady himself being near you after months of separation.

When the host announced the newly weds' entrance, you were already on your second flute of champagne. Of course, you didn't pass up the opportunity to taste the petite crab cakes and tuna tartare from the appetizers. You busied stuffing your mouth with as much food as you could so there wasn't any room for conversation. In between bathroom breaks and buttermilk biscuit refills, you'd spot someone you knew from you and Jessica's school, or from Shohei's circle, stopping by to say a quick hi. Of course, you'd exchange curt greetings and you braced yourself when it spins to the impending question.

"So sad to hear about you and Shohei, dear." one of the guests, Mrs. Nakamoto, approached you with her wine glass. She dazzled every time the lights caught the rhinestone jewelry adorned all over her neck.

"I'm okay, Mrs. Nakamoto, thank you for your concern." you faked a smile and responded with the lines you have rehearsed a hundred times in front of the mirror.

"Couples fight, that's normal. Fighting means you want to fix things." she said, looking at you. "Don't be too mad at him anymore. He loves you, you know."

You look at her, bewildered. "I don't quite under--"

"He spoke to the media and asked to give you privacy." she winked. "Oh to be young and in love. Makes you fearless, don't you think? The fans were not happy though. Have you seen it yet?" she asked pointedly when she saw your blank expression.

You had no idea what she was babbling about. It could be the wine, or probably some tabloid news she heard from the grapevine. You intend to correct this but as if Mrs. Nakamoto could read your mind, she interrupted your thoughts before you could open your mouth.

"He won't go far to scold his fans if he doesn't want to protect you and your relationship, you know." she winked and with that she floated away with her twinkling diamonds, leaving you utterly shocked. Scolded his fans? Since when did Shohei talk about his personal life in front of the press? Mrs. Nakamoto must've been mistaken. The world would be ending and he would only talk about baseball more than anything.

You tried following Mrs. Nakamoto but she had already disappeared into the crowd. Lars came into view, dimples on display and cheeks flushed from all the dancing, probably.

"Hey, sweet pea. Having fun on your own?" he asked.

"Just about to." you took a swig of your last champagne and dragged Lars into the dancefloor. He quickly noted the change of music and started dancing.

"I love this song!" you exclaimed as I Don't Wanna Dance With Somebody started playing in the background. You were swaying your hips and singing the song word by word, not a care in the world. For the first time tonight, were actually enjoying yourself.

It took 3 songs until Lars called timeout. His face flushed and sweaty from keeping up with you, almost heaving.

"Man, do you already have weak knees at that age?" you giggled and tried to hold on to him thinking he might suddenly collapse from exhaustion.

"I think I actually do, dude. I'll remember not to underestimate you on Just Dance." he was looking at something from behind you, as if looking for someone.

"If you want to sit down, we can sit down back there--"

The music switched up and suddenly a slow song started. Grow Old With Me by Tom Odell.

Lars took your hand and led you into the middle of the dancefloor. Unknowingly, you followed along. He might've already recovered and want to dance more. He is your partner in crime tonight, after all. Whatever confusing feelings you felt after talking to Mrs. Nakamoto earlier has been swept away from your mind. At least momentarily.

And then it happened too fast, you didn't have the time to process what was happening. One moment you were holding Lars' hand, now you're facing Shohei, his right hand slithered to your back, and the other on yours, leading the dance. He thanks Lars and Lars taps his back, retreating back into the dancefloor as if he nothing happened. Of course, he is also Shohei's best friend and wingman. Of course, he'd do this. He is definitely going to hear a lot from you once you get back at him.

Shohei pulls you harder to him, shaking your attention from Lars to him. Only him. He's looking at you and you're looking at him like it was a dream. Or a nightmare. You couldn't decide because his perfume invaded your system and is causing your mind to stop working.

"What do you think you're doing?"

"That dress is so revealing, Y/N." he finally said after a few moments.

"Wow. That's none of your business." You snapped, annoyed now. What a way to break the spell. "I didn't wear this for you."

"Hoping you could bring a date home tonight?" he said, voice low.

Oh, he did not. The worst thing he could do is provoke you on a night like this. Not when you're on the brink of alcohol intoxication. Your mouth runs everywhere when you're drunk.

"Why does that concern you? I can because I'm single anyway. You should try it too."

"Who said I was single?" Shohei looked pissed off now. As much as you want to escape, as someone with Scorpio rising, you just want to play with fire.

"Oh, you did you replace me with? Was it the Vogue Japan model? Or the badminton player during the gala?" you pushed.

The look on his face gave you chills on your bones. Oh, he was angry angry.

"I'm starting to think you believe what the tabloids wrote more than what I ever told you in the past."

"What did you ever tell me, Sho? I'm curious. I don't think I ever heard you say anything reassuring." You don't want to go through this anymore, no matter how pissed off you feel. You just want to go home and take a long warm bath while listening to your sad breakup playlist.

You let go of Shohei's hand and stopped dancing. You turned your heel and walked towards the exit, in the middle of the wedding band's rendition of Can't Help Falling In Love by Elvis Presley.

At the corner of your eye, you saw Lars dancing and flirting with one of the bridesmaids. He noticed you but you waved him off, stopping him. If he was enjoying the night, you shouldn't drag him along with him. He has already done so much for you. You can handle this on your own tonight.

You shivered as soon as you stepped outside the hall. You let a light wind breeze through you as you walked around the garden path, lost in your own thoughts. You mentally smack yourself for forgetting to bring a coat again. It was a cold evening and you no longer have Shohei to keep you warm. And you were always so cold. You'll have to get used to bringing your own coats again. You, who has always been okay being alone pre-Shohei days, would have to wake up without his good morning texts again. Dining alone. Sleeping alone. Watching movies alone.

Walking aimlessly in the garden, you remembered your conversation with Mrs. Nakamoto and fished your phone from your purse. You knew it was not a good idea to be watching his interview videos anymore but curiosity killed you. You googled his latest interview video and pressed play.

The interview started with the usual introductions and questions about baseball and his performance from the last game. He answered them attentively and politely. Then, a reporter suddenly asked him about you.

"Since you are attending Jessica Thuy's wedding next week, do you have plans on addressing if you and Y/N are gonna be endgame? Or has the fans scared her off already?" the reporters' laughter was heard on the recording. Ippei, who had been within shot the whole time, looked like he wanted Shohei to ignore the question but Shohei grunted and gave the cameras a sarcastic smile.

"I thank the fans for their constant support of my games and schedules. I'm grateful, really. But they don't have a say on who I fall in love with." The crowd went quiet, waiting for him to say more. He gave in and indeed more, much to their delight. "The woman I'm in love with is a very private person. It took me a long time to get to know her because she's always had her nose buried in a book. She gets super chatty when she talks about the things she is passionate about. She would not, for the life of me, stop talking about astrology. She once cried when she learned that Manatees are endangered species. She has a laugh that the fans commented negatively about. I find her laugh the most adorable thing I've ever heard and I don't want to live in a life where I don't hear it ever. I hope the fans respect that. Thank you." It was as if the wind was sucked by a vacuum and got sealed elsewhere. Even Ippei was speechless. He couldn't believe Shohei said that in front of the media. He was fighting for you. He finally set his boundaries.

He signaled the end of the interview and went out of frame just in time for the video to end.

You turned around to go back to the reception but saw Shohei standing behind you, his face glistened with a wistful expression. You stood there with tears in your eyes. That interview sounded like a confession of love and now you want to hear more.

"When you left I really thought you brought all the sunshine with you. Literally... It was always raining in our games." He said. "In my heart, too. It's true. I don't ever want to live in a life where I don't have you, Y/N."

"I figured the best way to get you back was this wedding, since you know, you've blocked me everywhere. You even told the receptionist in your apartment to never let me in." he pouted.

"And about that night... I was embarrassed because you said it first. I thought that when I'd finally say it, it would be after I plan the craziest, most beautiful date ever. You know, private restaurant reservation, red roses, fireworks, all the jazz. I wanted to give you that much." he chucked darkly to himself. "I know now that I have been the biggest asshole to let that moment slip away and let you go without bringing up a fight. I should have said it right then and there. Fireworks or no fireworks."

You went through a rollercoaster of emotions over his speech. After watching the video, you wanted to storm back to the reception and confront him, angry because it made you feel ashamed at what the both of you had to go through in the last couple of weeks. Now you just want to laugh out loud at how this has unfolded.

"Fireworks?" you squeaked, wiping tears that threatened to fall from the sides of your eyes.

"Well, they're a bit romantic...don't you think?" he said shyly, looking down. You finally burst in a loud, belly laugh.

"You idiot. Come here."

Shohei took huge strides to get to you, smiling widely. You forgot how much he towered over your small frame. You had to strain your neck to look up at him. "I hope it's not too late to say it. I don't have the fireworks though. I didn't get to plan if this cornering-you-in-the-wedding thing is going to work out... And as for the tabloids, I--"

You went on your tiptoes and pulled his face to yours. "Stop talking."

You gave him a light peck at first, testing the waters. He returned the kiss with more pressure, as if trying to catch up with lost time. He put his hands on your waist and pushed his body towards you with so much fervor. This time, his movements became needy, frantic even. As if any moment from now, you'd disappear again.

He held the nape of your neck and pulled you closer, opening your mouth with his tongue. He licked the insides of your mouth, making you shiver with pleasure. A moan escaped your lips and you held on to his shoulders tightly. Both of you are lost in the kiss, pulling and pushing each other's bodies like molding clay, hoping that after this, you come out as one body, one soul and one heart.

You only parted when you needed to breathe for air, foreheads touching. You're both needy now, desperate for more of his touch. Anywhere that he hasn't touched feels on fire. His hand wandered through your clothed chest and squeezed your breast tightly, earning another moan from you. You let your leg stroke his middle and felt him harden, all while your hands pinched his ass. He grunted a noise and gave you a hungry look. Anything that you've thought before this moment has been forgotten. You remembered how much you wanted this, how much you wanted him.

"I love you, Y/N. I'm sorry I took so long to say it." Shohei finally broke the kiss and looked at you. "Fuck, that feels so good. You don't know how happy I am that I could finally say that. I love you."

You too couldn't imagine a better moment for him to say it.

Fireworks or no fireworks.

#shohei ohtani #shohei ohtani imagines #shohei ohtani fluff #shohei ohtani smut #shohei ohtani au

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autisticsupervillain · 2 years ago

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My last post about Agent 47 being a Tumblr Icon proved popular, so here's more Tumblr approved 47 facts.

47's wife has technically killed him twice. Both times it was so he could come back to life later and kill his actual target. Diana could walk right into his living room, stab him with a butcher's knife, and he'd just go "well, who are we killing today honey?"

47 once had to get close to his target by disguising himself as a giant flammingo mascot. One of his target's bodyguards, a furry, tries to start a conversation about it. 47 could not end that conversation quick enough.

One time, 47 tried to disguise himself as a realtor to get close to his target. All of his attempts to sell the house to his target involve advice on how to kill someone in those rooms. The target never questions this. Later, both the target and 47 stumble across a month's old crime scene. 47 goes full detective mode and delivers a full paragraph detailing what happened and how the victim died, before remembering he's supposed to be a realtor right now and brushing it off.

One time, in order to get close to a target, 47 got a job interview at a bank. His response to every question involves more or less just flat out admitting that he kills people for a living. They hire him on the spot.

47 has read his universe's version of the Twilight novels. He also killed the author of said Twilight knockoffs, but not before criticizing his writing and complaining about a plot point he didn't like.

47 once infiltrated a secret meeting of international spies, billionaires, and supervillains by walking right past the guards in his regular iconic suit, as everyone took one look at him and assumed he was supposed to be there.

Agent 47 canonically has an aura of death that hangs over him that only psychics can see. When an actually psychic meets him for the first time, he panics and all but pushes 47 out of his establishment.

47's most used alias, Tobias Rieper, as an instagram account. It's filled entirely with travel pictures from places he's visited while killing people.

Agent 47 inexplicably looks identical to one of the most popular fashion models in the world, Helmut Krueger. This doesn't hinder his ability to disguise himself as literally anyone in the world though.

One time, a bunch of nuns in stripper outfits showed up at 47's hotel to blow him the fuck up with a rocket launcher. He was inexplicably completely unharmed by the explosion.

One time, a mad scientist tried to test his mind control device on 47. 47 resisted it so hard that the scientist dropped dead from the psychic backlash.

One of his regular outfits for missions is a clown suit.

47 has a reputation at his agency for killing people in the most ridiculous and over the top ways possible. It got to the point that another assassin tried to imitate 47's style, which backfired so badly that the assassin accidentally killed everyone in the building, including himself, and let the target get away completely unharmed.

47 once manipulated another assassin into killing his targets for him. Unfortunately, said assassin was so bad at his job that 47 had to do everything for him, from adjusting his sniper rifle so he could actually fire it, to getting the targets into his line of sight so the assassin would actually see them.

47 once stopped a depressed person fresh off a bad break up from an abusive relationship from committing suicide by following him around the globe and beating him unconscious every time he tried to kill himself, all without the guy ever actually noticing him. 47 only stopped when the guy decided he must have a guardian angel looking out for him because he keeps falling asleep whenever he considers going through with the deed, deciding he owes that angel an honest attempt to getting his life back on track again.

Agent 47 has a friend in the CIA named Agent Smith, who keeps getting kidnapped and held prisoner at all the locations 47 is doing missions in. 47 keeps having to rescue him because Smith usually has good intel on his targets. Smith considers 47 his best friend, while 47 holds Smith in open contempt.

47 is a millionaire, but he cannot spend any of his money on luxary items due to his life style. His profession means he's constantly moving to new homes and can only live safely in sparce homes with nothing but fast food to tide him over. His suits are his only affordable luxary, as anything more lavish could expose his location and get him arrested or killed. He's a millionaire who has to live like a broke king thanks to his triple digit body count. It's only when Freelancer happens that he finally gets his own home.

47 is a pro at Dance Dance Revolution, but only when he is dressed like a ninja.

And finally, 47 has canonically killed countless fascists, pedophiles, billionaires, and even anti-vaxers who run MLM pyramid schemes. Up to 365 of them and counting, in fact.

#hitman #agent 47 #diana burnwood #tumblr icon

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seaurchin0 · 3 months ago

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MAKE A FULL GUIDE BRO PLS PLS PLS PLS PLS I WOULD EAT THAT SHIT UP!! /nf

oh man, this gonna be a long one but ty for letting me infodump about my interests </3 my overall advice would be to be creative, and DON'T underestimate how intertwined social media is with everyday life. Experiment, see what works, and good luck <33

so a lot depends if you know the person in question irl or online and i'll go over both but first, here are some things that help in both cases: -names are not necessary to find people, useful af but info like what school they go to, class they're in, clubs they're in etc do better -look at their friends, their friends' friends, family, tagged photos, followers and following list (if they're active online), info doesn't just come from them, if you can't get in contact with them you can learn a lot from family, friends classmates etc

-intelius.com

-please PLEASE keep track of what info you found out and what they told you, don't accidentally drop that bombshell

-i have a folder where i keep my fp's information saved, all the "useful" images they sent me, link to their social medias, school website and more so i'd suggest making one of those

if you only know them online, here are some cyberstalking tips that don't rely on being close and location (all this assuming they're active online):

-look up their username(s) and variations everywhere. literally every platform you can think of, i had to sign up to 3 platforms i never used just for that

-look up their friends' usernames

-look at tagged photos, mentions and interactions they have with others in the comments under their posts to find out who they're friends with

-if you can see previous usernames (like on instagram) look up those too

-you might get lucky with wayback machine

-if you can find their reddit, twitter or any social media that shows their post and comment history study that shit

- if they haven't shown their face but have photos including any other part of their body that isn't usually covered up, even in colder climates (like hands most commonly) save those too, if you manage to find a school website or something later on that might have photos of their face you could match them up. it's difficult af but never give up, if there's a will there's a way

-reverse image search all the images they posted

-try images on geoimgr.com. photos taken on phone or camera will sometimes have GPS coordinates stored in the metadata of each file, but there are some websites that encrypt this

-anaylze the background of images, especially if they're taken outside

-trying to pinpoint a location (town or country they live in) would be good but not necessary: • if they posted screenshots that aren't cropped and include the time, it will be easy to figure out the general area because of timezones • use google maps to match up the background seen in images

if you wanna figure out an email or number: • log out of your account, put their username in in the login section, press "i forgot my password", the next part may vary from platform to platform but select the option for their the recover of their password to be recieved through email and it will display the first and last characters of their name, as well as what domain they're using. same with the phone number

next, in real life, i'm not really an expert in this since i've never stalked anyone irl for as long and as much as i have online but hope these help too!:

-eavesdrop

-if you're not close or to them (as in not in the same class, school, workplace etc) look for someone that knows them in any way.

-assuming you found that person, don't directly ask about them. let's say, your fp likesa art, so you ask that person about art clubs. chances are, they'll mention the one your fp is in. very vague example but it works with almost everything

-ask your parents about your fp's parents, works well if you're younger and still in school

-VERY carefully try to glance over at their phone's screen as much as you can, it could make finding social media accounts 10 times easier

-use all the info you manage to get for cyberstalking. don't follow them around, especially don't follow them home, you don't need to do that to figure out more about them. again, don't underastimate how ingrained social media is in our lives. Cyberstalking is much more easier and safer.

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bullet-prooflove · 1 year ago

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Heyy how are you? Could write prompt 5) “Kiss you in a crowded room” from the midnights prompt list for Tim Bradford? Thank you :)

Part One: Monster

Part Two: The Gaslight (NSFW)

Part Three: Stalemate

Tim wants to marry you. He’s thought about it so many times since the two of you got together, he always assumed it was inevitable. Now as he sits at the front desk during the night shift, sifting through the most ridiculous shit the public has to offer, he realises that that possibility is getting further and further away because Captain Ashmore is never going to let you go.

It's been over a month since his Captain pulled him into his office, demanding that he disclose your location. His refusal had left him relegated to desk duty for the first week, his punishments steadily getting worse the longer the stalemate continues.

Ashmore can’t outwardly fire him. There are procedures in place, the union to contend with, appeals if he tries but he can make Tim’s life miserable, he can stall his career, destroy his future prospects.

Tim’s willing to risk all of it to keep you safe, because that look in the other man’s eyes when he showed Tim that picture, he knows he’s going to kill you. Tim’s worked enough DV cases to see the signs.

The others have tried to talk to him about his predicament, but he’s kept his mouth shut, told them to mind their own business. He doesn’t want the Captain coming down on any of them, assuming that their co-conspirators so he keeps his distance. He hasn’t seen you since the night before Ashmore pulled him into his office. He’d managed to swipe Chen’s phone to send you a text.

“He knows.”

There had been no contact since.

It’s Angela that breaks his silence.

It’s 3am in the breakroom when she corners him. He’s sipping a coffee and flicking through your old Instagram images, ones before you abandoned the account. There’s one of the two of you from Angela’s wedding, him in a tuxedo and you in that silk, cornflower blue dress. He remembers undressing you that night, the fabric fluttering to the floor in his bedroom, your lipstick marks leaving a trail down his body.

“I need to talk to you.” Angela says interrupting his thoughts as she sits down across from him. She has a brown manilla folder in her hands and already the dread is climbing in his chest. “Captain Ashworth has asked me to look into something.”

When she flicks open the folder he sees your picture, the one from the academy and his heart just stops.

“Noones heard from her since she took that leave of absence. There’s been no posts on her socials, her phone’s switched off, her house is locked up. No movement on any of her accounts. He suspects foul play.” He leans back in her seat and shakes her head. “I thought she just needed some space after what happened with that kid. I didn’t think…”

Angela trails off and Tim can see that guilt, how much it weighs on her. The two of you were partners before you took off. You’d told her, you needed a break, that the Chapman case was too much. Finding out what that little girl’s father had done had almost broken you, but it wasn’t the reason you left.

It’s a devious move, one that even Tim didn’t see coming. Angela is an excellent detective, she’s tenacious and loyal, leading her to think that her friend is in danger is only going to add fuel that fire. That woman won’t stop until she tracks you down.

“The two of you were close, did she say anything...”

Tim swallows hard against the anguish in his chest, his jaw clenches because all of this… It’s just too much to carry on his shoulders, he can’t keep going it alone, not when Ashmore is pulling shit like this.

“Angela, she isn’t missing.” Tim says reaching over the table and closing the file. “She’s on the run.”

Love Tim Bradford? Don’t miss any of his stories by joining the taglist here.

Interested in supporting me? Join my Patreon for Bonus Content!

Like My Work? - Why Not Buy Me A Coffee

@malindacath @anime-weeb-4-life @burningpeachpuppy @viridianphtalo @vermillionwinter @kmc1989

#tim bradford #tim bradford x reader #tim bradford x you #the rookie #tim bradford the rookie

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namazunomegami · 1 year ago

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A healthy dose of stalker Geto thoughts

a/n: FYI, thats the result if you lock me up in an empty room with my laptop and a playlist full of mareux, NIN and MSI. At least I got a newfound love for Closer now bc some years ago a fic ruined the song for me lmao

Before you ask, yes, I have mental problems. But likes and reblogs are still appreciated <33

wc: 1919

cw: geto is fucking delulu, online stalking, serial murder, poisoning, dismemberment, geto cooks his blood into a meal, implied bondage, kidnapping, reader was abused, corruption, reader is forced to torture and kill their abuser, gore

credits: nakatsuji sakutaro for one of my fave geto fanarts ever <33, my dearest @notveryrussian for proofreading, my criminal pedagogy teacher for some interesting details about organized criminals lol and arone_cosplay on tiktok bc his scream au cosplay was the sole inspiration when I started writing

The dark content is heavy with this one so there's nothing wrong if you won't interact with this post! If my horror enthusiast bestie says that this shit is scary, believe them. Minors are gonna get kicked, obviously.

He’s definitely not that “Joe Goldberg from You” type of stalker. He despises the guy, he watches that show to have a laugh. It’s his form of disaster tourism. Geto is almost the antithesis of Joe. I was a big fan of the first season of You so let me elaborate. Joe has a savior complex and he latches onto any conventionally attractive rich woman in his proximity and tries to mold them into his ideal type (which is vulnerable, dependent, innocent, and forgiving) and when shit hits the fan he becomes a whiney little bitch saying stuff like “aww, but I did this all for you :cc” because he’s in complete denial about his crimes and psychopathic nature. Geto is the opposite, and what makes him so fucking scary is that he doesn’t need to convince himself that his actions are right. He knows he’s right.

Also, he won’t put on a fucking cap and go out on the streets to stalk you. That’s just a dumb decision, he has a job to do, and it’s easy to recognize him. But that doesn’t mean that he won’t do it in his spare time, from a comfortable distance. He only needs one of your socials and digs up every little detail about you. Your entire lore. Pictures shared by your relatives when you were just a little kid, he tracks your friends’ accounts (he wants to make sure that you’re surrounded by the right people), all the locations, cafés, restaurants you share on your instagram highlights, your celebrity crushes, all the playlists you made on spotify, everything. He gets to know you before you’re even aware of his existence, you’re an open book to him before he talks to you. It’s so easy to get a feel of your essence in the online space, use the tremendous information to his advantage, surprise you, win you over with his fake thoughtfulness.

"Aw, you’re so sweet, how did you know?"

"Lucky guess."

Yeah, a lucky guess, he just scrolled your twitter until 4 am to reach your first ever post.

The easiest way to understand how his mind works is to look at his MBTI type and I’ll try to hold myself back to not flood you all with my everlasting love for Jungian psychology and cognitive functions. INTJs are meticulous, skeptical, analytical, practical, everything is centered around a bigger, more complex system, a spiderweb of thoughts. Their subjective ideals and values have the utmost importance. They get lost in the details sometimes, but they manage to prioritize creativity and rationality in their actions and thought process. So, if we want to pick a category among murderers, he’d definitely belong into a mission oriented type (canon is my only proof for this). He couldn’t care less about money, power, or satisfying his needs for control. He’s the personification of punishment in his mind.

Evil is petty, he is petty, but not so much to just deal with every single nuisance in the shape of a person (looking at Joe again lol). He won’t go after the Karens at your workplace or the shitty classmates who just wanted their name on your assignment without any contribution. If he kills, he must kill for a valid reason and does it brilliantly. Calm and level-headed, organized, devoid of anger or any intense emotion. He makes awful lot of preparations for a kill. He studies the victim just like he studies with you. Their schedule, relationships, habits, social media presence. He’d rather arrange the scene to give the impression of an accident. Mixing cleaning products, fucking around with the heating system and letting them die of carbon monoxide poisoning or a house fire (an easy kill if the victim smokes). He rarely lets himself get carried away and get all bloody and gorey because he knows how much effort he must put into disposing of the body. But he does feel like a god during the process. That he rules over life and death. That he has the divine right to decide who should be removed from existence.

The only slightly risky thing he allows himself, is to put his earphones in and call you up while dismembering a corpse. Good thing that his grandma has no use for that big ass meat grinder, a literal jackpot for getting rid of the bodies. His voice is soothing, so sweet you can turn into a blushing and giggling mess, but you can still hear the loud chopping noises as he severs the body parts right at the joints. He shrugs it off that he’s just meal prepping.

You believe him, you don’t question him further. But he does cook a delicious meal just for you and sends it to your workplace. And you have absolutely no idea that he was thinking about cutting up the ingredients with the same knife he killed his victim with. Luckily, he changed his mind. You don’t deserve to have any remnants of a lowlife in your system. But the idea was nice, just like how modern witches tie their favorite person to them. There’s something ritualistic about blood consumption in his mind that he can’t explain. Hopefully, a few drops of his own didn’t ruin the meal. At least you weren’t complaining about the metallic taste. He doesn’t mind he has to live off on two cans of Monster because he pulled an all-nighter. You’re falling head over heels for him so it’s worth the suffering.

The only thing that makes his heart ache is that as your relationship develops, he must use you to forge his alibis. He immediately copied the keys to your apartment, without your knowledge of course. Sometimes he drops by when you’re absent, goes through your stuff, sniffs around, looking for trinkets. He comes over specifically when he plans to kill his next victim. Sneaks out in the middle of the night, kills them, then goes back to your place and crawls back next to you. And he’s as silent as a cat, as a phantom, as a ghost.

He’s a fucked up man in every aspect. You think he’s too hyper fixated on restraints and bondage. He’s far too keen to spend an excruciatingly long time arranging the rope in an aesthetically pleasing way, or have the gag’s and blindfold’s colors match perfectly. His creativity and imagination are running wild when you’re the rigger. You almost question his sanity when he asks you to use cable ties and masking tape on him. What does he want? To feel tortured? Deep down he’s fascinated with the feelings a potential victim might experience. A taste of distress, vulnerability, helplessness that he usually has no chance to feel, yet he’s thrilled about it. You still won’t suspect a thing, everybody’s got a weird kink or two that they can’t explain, right?

He knows that one day, you’ll discover his secret. That he can’t hide it forever and even though he justifies his vile actions by giving it a noble cause, he must earn your forgiveness. He deliberately kept those who hurt you mostly alive. Whether it’s a bully, the shittiest ex known to mankind, or an abusive parent. He knows he has no right to kill them. But he can bring them to your basement, gagged and tied up. The best birthday gift ever is to let you have your revenge, right? Or maybe he just wants somebody as irredeemable as him, like he’s undeserving of anything nice in life so he must break it, tarnish it, ruin it. The world is a such a cruel place for kind spirits, he feels the need to corrupt them. Bring them down to his level.

He lined up a bunch of tools, a wooden bat, scissors, knives, razor blades, a hatchet, a hammer. He transformed the basement into a makeshift rage room. You don’t dare to cry, run, or scream at him, the person before your eyes makes you freeze completely, your features are distorted in dread. An old response got triggered, your nervous system remembers those years, you’re flooded with memories. You feel yourself regressing back to the victim you once were and that’s the process that Geto wants to stop once and for all. It’s so strange that you find safety in his presence and his firm hold above your elbows. He’s looming over you like a shadow, a shroud. Like the devil on your shoulder. Cooing in your ear to pick up something and have fun, let your rage cloud your mind, make them relive your pain. Don’t worry about a single thing because he will do all the clean-up. And you have no idea why, but you accept.

It’s strangely comforting. You feel in control, all-powerful, accomplished. It feels better than it should. It feels so right but it shouldn’t. There’s no guilt in you, only endorphins running rampant in your veins. The dopamine rush enslaves you, fills your brain with white noise. The pain does fade a little or something just irrevocably breaks in you. Maybe you’re just as fucked up as him and you managed to bury it in the deepest corner of your psyche. All bottled up for years like the most exquisite French wine, chained just like a beast but now it’s freed. Your reward is a bloody pile of flesh and guts that once was a person, and utter devotion gleaming in Geto’s eyes.

Your consciousness gets clearer, you notice the sensation of being drenched in blood and sweat when the realization hits you that there’s no going back. Now, you’re sticked together for life. You know his dirty little secret and now you’ve forged your own that he can blackmail you with if you ever want to get away from him. But why would you do that? You’re everything he needs and he’s all you have.

#i wanna write something kind and sweet after this one #this fic took a toll on me #i should blame the way i write povs #its kinda close to method acting but in writing lol #i try to think in character digging down in the deepest parts of their mind their pov is my pov #i literally warp my thoughts to get them right so you can guess how exhausting it is mentally to think and feel like such a character #jujutsu kaisen x reader #jujutsu kaisen #suguru geto x reader #the new fic im writing is a copjaku fic lol very kind and sweet indeed /s #jjk #geto suguru x reader #jjk headcanons #meesa writes

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honeybadgercomeback · 2 years ago

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Come Back, Be Here (Part One) | DR3

Five years pass in the blink of an eye and you’ve sacrificed so much to support the man you love. But you can’t keep doing it. When you make the decision to end things you have to carry through to find who you are again.

AN: Part two will be up in the next couple of days. If you’d like to be notified leave a comment and I’ll tag you!

Warnings: heavy angst, breakups, lying.

—

The day you made your decision was really just the straw that broke the camel’s back. It was more hotel rooms, more planes, more lines added to your flight tracking app. You’d travelled around the world more than twice already in the year and it was only August.

You’d end up at yet another race track where you’d had your photo taken more times than you could count. Those professional photos that you were never happy with got posted to instagram accounts run by people who claimed they knew who you were and what you stood for. To yet more flights and more frequent flier miles than you ever thought anyone could have. Planning flights based on airline rather than price to keep earning them, your permanent status just increasing. First class tickets you never could afford to every location, sitting in airline lounges and smiling when people came up to Daniel to wish him luck or ask for a photo.

And every few months you got dressed up for one event or another. A gala, a charity, some sponsor party because everyone wanted to see “Daniel Ricciardo’s other half”. Getting dressed up in a dress you didn’t buy and jewellery that was loaned to you by designers. Standing on a red carpet with your fiancé’s arm around you as he gave that familiar wide grin and you played the fawning date.

You hated every single moment of it, and you didn’t know when you’d started hating it.

It was all for Daniel, and you loved him so you did everything that was asked. You did the busy days and the ridiculous travel. Ignored the hate comments on every single photo you posted on your instagram account - even a photo of the cake you’d baked for a friend’s birthday got comments about how it didn’t look good. You used Twitter Circles and Close Friends judiciously on social media, all of your accounts with that familiar blue tick because you were a “public figure”.

Instead of taking the first choice job you wanted to have you’d declined it because it was in an office five days a week. You’d taken the one you didn’t want as much because it was flexible work and you could do it from anywhere in the world so you got to travel with Dan. You made it to every race on the calendar with him, a fixture in the back of the garage of whatever team he was racing with. You’d wear his merch and have headphones on to listen to the team radio as he raced. Wherever he went, you followed because you were The Ricciardos and of course you were there. The engagement ring that had been on your left hand for eighteen months just proved it.

But you still saw what people said whenever you were in the paddock. How people made snide comments about your job because you were always there, and if you weren’t in McLaren hospitality waiting on Dan you were in Red Bull with Kelly. You were friendly with the other wives and girlfriends of drivers, you’d been there the second longest now. You were the one who was at every race, and when women came for the first time with their now public relationship you were the one who welcomed them to the chaos. And set up the new whatsapp groups whenever they were needed. You blamed Pierre for how many you needed most of the time really.

It was you and Kelly as the focal point of the group. Your partners were best friends, you got along and knew what was going on, it was a natural fit. You could put the smile on and grin and hug, helping everyone keep their head up high. When a crash happened you’d seek out whoever needed comfort and remind them of the safety that was there now. It fit you well.

But you were drowning in it.

August was supposed to be the summer break but Dan was in Woking for yet more McLaren meetings. He’d told you it was normal, part of the organisation for the third year of his contract. You were plugged into the paddock gossip, you knew what was being said, how people talked about your fiancé. The way people talked about how Dan was getting what was coming to him, a new young Australian taking over from the washed out one. The way Blake looked at you sadly, as if he was barely biting his tongue, every time someone mentioned contracts or gossip.

It wasn’t supposed to be like this.

You were supposed to be in love, be loved. Racing would always be Daniel’s first love but you could fit in there somewhere with him. Be a priority for him. Except you weren’t his priority anymore. The fact that your fifth anniversary came and went without him acknowledging it or even texting you a hello. That was the crystal clear moment that whatever you wanted was not a priority compared to his career, and you deserved better than that. You deserved to be more than an afterthought.

Once the decision was made it was easy to organise moving out. Finding an apartment in Nice was the first thing to do and it was shockingly easy. Monaco was out, the streets too small and filled with memories. Once you were settled in an apartment you could look at a new job or new country, but away from the principality was enough for now. Then it was packing up your life.

Most of your belongings were presents from Daniel. It had become his habit to try pay for everything, the income disparities clear between you. It was with the kindest of intentions but had become a gilded cage that you couldn’t escape. You didn’t know who you yourself were anymore. You didn’t know how to be anyone except F1 WAG. Daniel Ricciardo’s fiancée. The woman with so many gossip column inches it felt wrong. The Daily Mail had a category for your name at this point and that was never who you wanted to be. You’d lost yourself and you needed to find yourself again.

You got the train to Nice and signed your month to month lease for a furnished apartment. It was unusual to have one, but the letting agent recognised your face and accepted it without a moment’s thought. Once it was signed your next stop was to rent a car to bring your belongings to the small apartment.

It was simple and you had a plan. Pack your boxes of your belongings, put them in the car, drive. It took two trips to get most of them over, the final set sitting there until you decided to leave for the final time.

You had to tell Daniel in person. He deserved to have his heart broken in front of you, rather than by phone or text. He was good and loyal and he wasn’t a bad guy, this just didn’t work anymore. He deserved someone who could support him fully. It wasn’t something you could keep doing.

You sat in the living room after getting the text that he’d landed in Nice, knowing that this was the last time. You weren’t going to see him again and that hurt. You were leaving for good and never coming back here. Your engagement ring was in the green leather jewellers box he’d proposed with, sitting on what had been your bedside locker. Taking it off your finger and pushing it into the velvet cushion was when you’d shed your first tear. It was small and neat and exactly what you’d wanted, and you’d loved it from the moment he flipped the box open. Asses online had said it wasn’t enough for a millionaire’s fiancée, that you obviously didn’t mean much to him.

You didn’t want the ring or the money. You wanted Daniel. But you couldn’t have him in a way that would make you both happy.

“I’m home!” His voice echoed around the living room as he arrived in, dropping bags on the floor and you pulled him in for a hug. This was the last one you’d share and doing this when you knew things weren’t good for him professionally hurt but you had to. You couldn’t lose more of yourself.

“Hey. How was the factory?”

“Good. We need to talk about some of my—“

“Dan, I know.” He stopped still at your words. “But we need to talk about something else.”

“I’ve got a couple of offers on the table, and we’ll be—“

“Daniel.” Your voice was soft and he stared at you. His brown eyes opened wide and it felt like he was properly seeing you for the first time in what felt like years. He looked like that Daniel you’d fallen in love with in 2017, a Red Bull star with a wide smile and wild curls. You hadn’t know what you were jumping into when you danced with the man in the nightclub and went home with him. You couldn’t have guessed how your life would change. That the next five years would be the best and worst of your life and he made the highs even higher but the lows so much lower. He made everything better and worse at the same time. He took you in fully and you could tell when his eyes caught the missing jewellery.

“Where’s your ring? Were…were you robbed? What’s going on?” They were halfhearted questions as you shook your head and the reality began to sink into him.

“You know as well as I do that this isn’t working. And I’m so sorry things are ending now. But we…it’s the wrong time for us. I can’t love you the way you need and you can’t support me the way that I need. I’m sorry.”

He looked at you for a solid minute in the silence, it was as if you could see his heart break.

“But we love each other?” That it was a question cut you like a knife.

“I don’t think it’s enough. I’m not enough for you.” It was those words that made his face crumble and you took a step back, looking down at the tiled floor. You couldn’t cry. You were the one hurting him, you didn’t get to cry in front of him.”

“You are. I swear you’re enough. You’re more than enough.”

“Be happy, Daniel Ricciardo. Be happy.”

All you wanted to do was squeeze his hand and take the pain away but you couldn’t. Instead you slipped past him in your worn out sneakers and left through the front door, closing it with a gentle click.

The routine to leave the building was practiced. A few steps to the elevator, down the floors, and out. Except this time you were going to the parking garage in the basement to get the rental car and leave, and for the first time in so long someone else got into the elevator a few floors below what had been yours.

“Hey, I haven’t…is everything ok?” Max looked at your tear streaked face as you blinked back the worst ones, wiping your face roughly with your hand.

“Will you look after him for me? He’s gonna need you now.” It took a few moments for your words to sink in as he stared at you.

“What happened? Did you have a fight? You know he’ll be down in a minute to fix whatever he did, he loves you.”

“I ended things.” The shock on his face was clear as the doors shut to bring you both down. “I ended things about two minutes ago, and he’ll need his friends. I know I’ve no right to ask this, but please. Look after him for me.”

“You can work this out. Come up to ours, stay with us for a night. Think this over.”

“Max I have. I’ve been thinking about this for weeks. He forgot our anniversary and that was the final thing. He deserves someone who can support him the way he needs, and that’s not me right now. He deserves to be happy. I can’t help him be happy. Just please. You and Seb and Estie can help him. I can’t.”

You’d arrived in the garage and Max watched you step out of the elevator with him, heading to the small hatchback that stood out in the area filled with sports cars.

“Where are you going?”

“I got an apartment. I’m going to find out who I am. It’ll be worth it.”

You didn’t expect the Dutchman to wrap you in a hug but he pulled you close, squeezing for a moment before letting go.

“If you need anything. Day or night, no matter where in the world I am, you call ok? You’re like a sister to me, call me whenever you need. And Kelly will be in touch soon to see you, P is gonna miss her aunt.”

“I will.” It was a bare faced lie but it made him look lighter so you told it easily. As far as you were concerned you weren’t going to see them again.

Once you made it into Nice and parked you picked up your phone, pulling up the Find my iPhone app. It took far too few swipes to hide your location from Dan and Kelly, making sure they couldn’t see you. Once you did that you went into the WAG WhatsApp, this one entitled “oh god they’re home for two weeks what’s this chaos”. It took little time to set Kelly as an admin and then leave the chat with a waving emoji and a red heart.

The very last thing to do was to go into an Orange shop and get a new SIM card with a new number. You snapped the old SIM between your fingertips to get rid of it. It was over. You had your new fresh start but it didn’t feel like one.

Part Two

Tags: @vroomvroommbtch

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