#totally not projecting in any way at all
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similarly, angst potentials of keith's appearance
looking human vs. looking galran vs. being able to shift
a) he's never been anything else but human his whole life, right? but there are just the small details, the things that don't add up, the blade that Ulaz carries that's just a little too familiar (canon)
b) he's never going to be human, he's never going to fit in. if he's born on earth, he can't be part of it, there is an entire half of his heritage he can never be a part of. he is monstrous, alien to them in the worst sense of the word
c) he tries to pretend he's human on earth and galra in space but both of those are wrong, even though they’re supposed to both be true, and forcing himself into this box is only hurting. no matter where he is, it feels like he's lying and neither human nor galra customs feel right to him. he's an outlier no matter what he does and there’s nothing he can do to change that
angst potential of keith maturing at galra levels, which are way longer than human lifespans
keith, pre-adolescence, realizing his dad isn't going to live long enough to see him as an adult, that he's going to be left alone at the galran equivalent of a teenager
#galra keith#totally not projecting in any way at all#wonder where a half-galra outsider could possibly fit in.#it’s not like there’s a group specifically made up of half-galra right?#general keith au
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First day back at the university and I still suck at this exactly as much as I did 4 years ago
#i wish doing something over and over actually made it easier from then on#how come i've done this so many times and i'm still as horrified by the prospect of group projects and exams and all as in the very start#can they invent a higher education that doesn't require you to prepare a group project for every damn subject that exists#can they also invent an intercating with people#in a way that doesn't leave me feeling like the only person on earth who somehow doesn't get it#how do people just start talking and becoming friends :( it's literally impossible for me#it's such a mystery. how the hell do they all do this. what's your fucking secret !!!!!!!!!#not that i expected to become friends with anyone in one day#but one day was already enough for me to start feeling as alienated and othered from everyone else as i've always felt#like god it's always the same damn thing. each year i hope it'll be different and it's still the fucking same#i try to appear nice and approachable and chime in to the conversation whenever i can (just like i've been doing for the past 4 years)#but i guess there must just be something deeply wrong with me that makes everyone avoid me in the end anyway#am i really that unfriendable. can anyone tell me what i'm doing wrong#and why no one is interested in holding a conversation with me for more than 5 minutes in total#it's literally back to the same thing that i've done over and over before and i truly don't see any point in any of this anymore#it's just so ridiculous 😭😭😭 why do i even keep trying at this point#back to school so back to crying alone in my room every evening i guess#how beautiful how poetic. i almost forgot this was the daily standard for the entire past year#never getting out of this ok i get it :))#friendship was meant to be for everyone but me i get it now!!!#worst year ever everything bad is happening. going to my first funeral on thursday i'm definitely going to take that well hahaha#it's been only a day and i'm already so done. ok.#i'm freaking out man what am i even supposed to be doing anymore. it's all pointless
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Dick drops Damian off at Joey’s to babysit and Damian is so pressed on the car ride there. Like first of all he doesn’t NEED a babysitter and even if he did why can’t he just go with Dick? Dick is so hateful, he preaches all that bullshit about love and tolerance and care for family but now that Damian needs him he’s abandoning him??? To a STRANGER?! Dick will rue this day, the day of his ultimate BETRAYAL.
Dick goes to pick Damian up and he refuses to leave.
#he’s covered in paint and there’s 70s music going on in the background and if Richard picks him up rn it’s proof he doesn’t love him so….#whenever literally anything happens he demands to go to Joey’s to be babysat.#I am but a child Grayson. I cannot be on my own. it’s dangerous.#literally everyone but Jason is at the manor rn.#Joey ofc joins Damian to gang up on dick#‘what if something happens and the only way it can be solved is by him being possessed by someone with more experience hm? what then?’#that’s his son now#dick wonders if this is how bruce feels sometimes#Joey visits wayne manor but it’s not the same#(bc Joey’s place doesn’t have any bad memories associated unlike WM but this ain’t about angst so)#Dick is chill yknow like he KNEW Damián and Joey would get along he’s not feeling replaced at all#…until he sees Damian rocking overalls. he only started wearing them after meeting Joey and before that he would’ve killed himself before-#-even considering. but NOW?!#oh hc that Joey regularly wears overalls btw. last tag doesn’t make sense without that#anyways Damian is trying to get dick and Joey together now. it literally makes the most and when dick is like m#‘bro u cannot do that’ Damian is like ‘I thought u wanted me to be happy…’ and joeys like ‘I DID hear u say that (lying)’#Damian may be a child of divorce but he refuses to be a child of two idiots who didn’t even realize they were in love. embarrassing.#Joey absolutely let’s Damian be a kid he introduces him to fingerpainting and he goes wild#personal hc that’s totally not projection that Damian feels like he not only has to master everything but do it at 100% every time period#Joey is like no bro like ik the process of getting a painting right is satisfying but u can draw a squiggly line and you’ll be fine I swear#it takes Damian a while bc he gets it mentally but he physically can’t like he feels so much shame at the thought of smth ‘imperfect’#everything Damian draws goes on the fridge and the walls and in frames around Dick and joeys apartment bc duh#but all three of them have an adoration for the fucked up bee Damian fingerpainted with wonky lines a goofy smile and the colors bleeding-#-out the lines.#all of this is like when Damian is 11 to me like ik he is older now but they kept him in such a wack environment I need to fix it#anyways
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idk
#len'en#kel art#tsubakura enraku#len'en project#ill be honest#idk how jynx art works#i kind of just um#did a bunch of random shit#until it looked kind of alright#and then i called it a day#j really like drawing tsubakura though#i think the way ive started to draw their eyes#is literally just senri eye 2#which is normal from an art / art style perspective#but is kind of totally not an unsettling thought at all#if you think about it more as tsubakuras body changing and morphing almost#in the constant presence of the senri eye#idk. kind of silly weird to think about !#and more tsubakura eyebags also#me when the sad kind of fucked up main character with more emotional constipation than any one person should have
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Haven’t seen you around these parts (Patreon)
#Doodles#Deltarune#Rouxls Kaard#Pink Addison#Blue Addison#I feel like it might be a bit out there to say that Rouxls Kaard and the Addisons are equivalents to their respective chapters but like#Hear me out for like half a second lol#Handsome masc salespeople with an interesting relationship to the Secret Boss - yes I fully admit to being No Suit trash lol#I know you can't buy from the Addisons in the same way - like they don't get the vendor close up but they're Super trying to sell you stuff#I'm just saying there are enough similarities to justify mushing my previous fave with my current - faves I guess lol#They're all very Design y'know how it is - I think I still love Rouxls more but he's more difficult to draw so it's getting harder to tell!#It's all Blue's fault anyway lol as soon as I started drawing Rouxls again I had to have them meet somehow - he's literally in Chapter 2!#Why not wandering around lost lol#Me? Projecting onto my current fixations?? Psh no - they think he's handsome totally irrespective of me definitely lol#He is handsome ♥ If they happen to notice well what's the harm in that lol#The pirate hat is very goofy but I forgot about the eye patch :( It's also quite a handsome accessory!#You'll never get any sales if you get flustered by handsome customers! Very unprofessional!#Pink recovers but poor Blue lol - gotta be aggressive in today's fast paced market!#I do love the idea of the Premium Travel Package just being a map lol - ''You can find your way there'' thanks Pink#I am very pleased with that last panel haha they all turned out so cute! Poses and legs and expressions ah! Fun!#Maybe once he turns them down they can talk shop lol - literally
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feeling sick constantly in the background all the time is like.. usually negligible-ish.. until multiple various chronic background issues all happen to overlap at once and then it’s like
#Like usually I cycle between like. joint pain issues. chest muscle injury stuff. back pain. stomach problems. headaches. etc.#There is never a day that I feel totally normal for the most part. but it's usually just little things here and there on and off#chronic things that seem to flare up sometimes. But then every once in a while it's like the flare ups align and I'll have 6 of the problems#at the same time and then is AaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA#For some reason it's okay to deal with one or two of these things at any given time. but if I have to deal with like 3+ at once#or two of the old ones plus one NEW thing I've never had before or etc. etc.#I just can't even do anything. I run around stressed out of my mind unable to focus on any tasks or do anything but feel bad#then I cant even play games or do fun stuff becuause my brain wont let me be distracted from fixating on the fact that I feel bad#It's kind of the same way that it's stressful for me to go into grocery stores because my brain LITERALLY just is not capable of tuning out#all of the noises and lights and sensory information - so it' gets overwhelming quickly. I also just literally cannot tune out sensory infor#mation from my body. so if something feels even a LITTLE weird or a LITTLE painful or is even slightly different than usual#especially if it's overlapping with multiple other 'low level chronic pain' type things then my brain is just like.. being given way too muc#h information that it still cant tune out and then I can't focus and just walk around in a daze for however long until one of the issues#goes away on it's own (like joint pain flare ups usually come and go etc. etc.). or until I see a doctor abut whatever the new thing is#and maybe something they do or say actually helps or etc. etc.#Idk I have SO SO much I want to do the beginning of the year and so many projects to finish and things to post and schedules I have#written out for me to get on (like excercising more consistently and etc.) and it's just furstrating for my brain to just be like#ah.. nope.. we are not doing that. instead we are going to be completely incapacitated by a host of physical issues#which I think most ''normal people'' would just ignore like ''oh yeah I'll just load myself up on ibuprophen and coffee and energy#drinks and advil and sleep supplements and this and that'' or whatever but I can't do that it just makes stuff worse. I have to just sit for#days having a mind battle like 'okay yes we're having these problems.. but we can still like.. do SOMETHING right? we could like.. write#or draw. or things that don't take much energy'' and brain is just like NO!!! WE CANT!!! BECAUSE!! THING IS WEIRD!!!' and it's like okay#but thing is going to be weird. there's nothing we can do about thing being weird right now. so we should just focus on something else#'NO!! CANNOT TUNE OUT THING BEING WEIRD!! lets just fixate on it instead and wander aimlessly from thing to thing never able#to fully focus on any other task. hee hee''. anyway. hhghh.. sometimes I just get tired of having Various Ailments at any given time#especially unexplained ones or weird recurring problems that doctors haven't done much about because then it lends to paranoia like#'what if something is seriously wrong but I just dont know it yet?' which could be the case. I mean hopefully not. but I just hate stuff#being unexplained. because if there's no clear answer then the answer could be anything. even somehting bad. *** :V#ANYWAY gghhb... just bothered at the moment. I was going to come here like 'hey maybe I could post some drafts or pictures or something that#could feel productive!' but.. i dont feel like it. i dont care. too focused on Bad Feeling. just going to complain instead lol
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you know what would automatically change my hatred to love for sasusaku? If their genders were reversed. Majority of the reason why I hate sasuke and sakura relationship is because the type of environment and the culture I grew up in where it's been fed to women since basically birth to always be faithful to her man no matter how terrible he treats her, even after marriage. The pharse, "Just be patient and he will change", infuriates me to another level. Seeing sakura chasing after sasuke throughout the series after numerous rejections and an attempted MURDER on her by him made me roll my eyes so hard like girl just move the fuck on omfg. And even after their "marriage" sasuke's treatment towards her doesn't get better lmao, leaving her alone with a whole ass child to take care by herself?? BYE sakura's patience for him is outmatch cus I would've divorced his ass for that. Though, the more I mature, little by little I begin to understand the complexity of their relationship after putting my gender issues aside for a second and look deep into them. And especially now, after reading your perspective on their whole relationship, it really did made half of my hatred go away and understand the relationship wholeheartedly. Like yeah, I absolutely love the trope of one person saying they don't deserve the other person's love but the other person keep loving them anyway, that stuff makes me giggle and swing my legs in the air and shit. It's just that the only way this trope would work for me if the person loving them has enough self-respect for themselves AND if it's a girl in the former & the guy in the latter. And honestly, I found naruto being borderline obsessed with sasuke annoying too but the reason why I can digest it more well is because naruto can go head to head with sasuke without backing down. Like, I wanted to see at least ONCE sakura having a heated argument with sasuke, or punch him in the face in the series. I feel like sasuke deserves a punch from her at the very least 🤷🏽♀️
Sigh, I really did wanna love their relationship and their journey to love (that scene of him catching her when she was about to fall and then having that iconic eye contact had me feeling butterflies ngl) since it has all the tropes I love but the execution is just so...
i mean if it helps any i absolutely hate post-canon and that's where my primary divide with most sasusaku fans lies 😭 i'm not sure if you read the blue-plums post i reblogged but it's a good dissection of why exactly it fails as a conclusion to both their individual arcs and their relationship arc generally. the post-canon we see is a direct answer to what sasuke's and sakura's dreams are at the start of the series, but the problem with this is that sasuke and sakura are nowhere near being the same people at the end of the series as they were at the start. generally, i don't think post-canon really takes the individual arc of any character into much account. its primary goal is maintaining the status quo with a slight veneer of friendship power draped over it for aesthetics. but nothing at the root is changed despite every traumatic development the characters were relentlessly subjected to. resultantly, you're left with a portrayal of sasuke as a neglectful father who glorifies the lone-wolf hero trope, which goes against everything he could possibly have learned from itachi; and you're left with a portrayal of sakura as someone content to keep house despite the bulk of her character arc being grounded in her ability and desire to take initiative not only at home, but abroad. it's not true to who either of them is by that point and, even more than that, it's a disservice to everything they've put themselves through for the sake of the love they were vying for. so while i love sasusaku as it progresses up through 699, i tend to wholeheartedly ignore whatever comes after and relegate that instead to either my own imagination or blue-plums's in her fics
what i will say about the naruto and sakura distinction is that a lot of people are more comfortable with how sasuke reacts to naruto bc they believe what naruto is doing is right. it's kind of like: if the only thing sasuke will realistically respond to is violence then obv naruto can resort to that violence without dwelling on it too much. but if you think about violence in the context of sasuke's entire life, it's not actually helpful at all beyond its ability to physically bring him to a grinding halt. even when naruto finally breaks through to sasuke, it's not the violence that makes things click for him. it's the words he says after, and it's the words he's always said before that that have stayed in sasuke's mind. violence, in contrast, is a poisonous thing for sasuke bc it's the only thing that has defined the parameters of his entire life. it robbed him of every person he cared about prior to his meeting team seven, and inevitably it intimidated him into seeking out more violence once he realized that he was incapable of saving the new people he'd come to care about as well. everything, at the root, was driven by sasuke's traumatically-exacerbated response to love and loss. the idea of losing naruto and sakura to the hands of anyone else was unbearable. so he decided that he'd rather have killed them himself. it was absolutely irrational. but a twelve year old child put through that kind of successive, relentless trauma was never going to think rationally, and certainly not after being exploited by people like orochimaru and obito (and to an extent itachi) in turn
all of this to say: there is of course a gendered aspect to the fact that sakura's response to sasuke is markedly not violence. but i also think people sort of refuse to dissect her response any further and esp in context of the narrative itself. despite being the hallmark of rationality within the team and perhaps even the series, sakura was inevitably always driven by the value she placed on humanity. it would've been so easy and rational and "right" to kill sasuke bc he was an insurgent, a terrorist, a danger to public safety, etc. but sakura knew it was more complicated than that. even without knowing about the intricacies of the uchiha massacre she'd been a witness to his suffering and struggle and helplessness. she was as much unable to kill him bc of her love for him as she was unable to kill him bc she knew it wouldn't be right. bc really, what would it solve. sasuke being written off or dying would accomplish nothing bc he would become one more person in the long line of victims to nationalism and the military-industrial complex. while naruto's desire to retrieve sasuke was driven by his love for him it was also driven by the fact that he was stubborn and relentless and refused to give up on people. if you won't believe in yourself i'll beat the belief into you. it's a very shounen-esque trait. in contrast, sakura's desire to retrieve sakura, while also driven by her love for him, was significantly driven by her ability to see that sasuke needed help. in fact, that's all she ever wanted him to get: help. and it would be one thing for this to be an isolated desire but when you read it in context of her own goals as a medic and a mental health professional, her unwavering belief in sasuke is a lot more striking. she was the only person in the entire narrative who never resorted to violence as a solution to sasuke's problems. and she was angry, to be sure. much as she loves him the struggle to bring him back and convince him that he was worthy of love and healing left her emotionally exhausted. but they're also children at the end of the day. she could've been angry at him, or naruto could've been angry him, and in the end none of it would've mattered in the face of knowing they'd finally gotten through to him. he had a smile on his face, he didn't have an arm anymore, and for the first time in his life he met a loss with utter peace and content. it was a thing of miracles after six years of relentless grief and sorrow, and nothing else could've been on their mind.
at the end of the day, team seven's love for sasuke isn't rational. the farthest thing from it, really. but that's what makes it so radical in context. if love in naruto was only ever meant to be rational then hardly anyone would survive. love was always written as an act of defiance and for however subtle the depiction sakura exemplified it
#this is already so long i won't ramble any further in the text bc i've gotten across my point#but tldr you're totally valid! like honestly a lot of sasusaku fans tend to take the full scope of post-canon as gospel and it's infuriatin#and it definitely panders to a lot of gendered stereotypes#the relationship is i think way easier to digest if you isolate 1-699 and then pretend none of the rest exists lol#me personally i want sasuke to go on travels and meet lots of orphans and dedicate himself to humanitarian work#and i want sakura to do her mental hospital thing and research and advocacy at the village#before the projects she works on inevitably extend to intervillage endeavors#it's a nice way for both her and sasuke to explore their respective itches while also doing something that overlaps#with what the other person is doing. i am also a gazillion times more inclined towards them adopting an orphan#than i am towards the idea of them getting traditional married and having a traditional family and birthing traditional babies. boh-ring#i have a post somewhere on my old blog but to Me it would be revolutionary for sasuke to separate himself from the idea that the#only real bonds are those borne in blood. bc all that matters is love. i think adoption would be a really good personification of that idea#also occasionally they can come back to konoha and do silly couple things. like go to the farmers market and plant flowers#and harvest tomatoes. househusband sasuke and workaholic sakura. my dream combination truly#outbox
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Sorry about the late reply haha, but I'm absolutely thrilled to hear you enjoyed reading my last ask!
About RGGJo (I've been been calling him a variant of that for ages too, but if I ever slip up and call him Jou, it's out of habit; I like to differentiate them by RGGO and 7's different official romanizations lol), I'd actually say it's not at all hyperbolic to describe him as relaxed. If you ever have a moment, I think going through his voice lines is one of the best ways to get acquainted with his character in a short time! (Article might be a little rough, I basically speedran it all in a day just to show you lol; also a lot of them are uh........ let's say borderline flirtatious)
That said, it is much less apparent before the timeskip. To go on a bit (or a lot) of a tangent, I think that kind of relates to something I've noticed about their relationship with authority. Which is to say, it feels like they have a tendency to walk on eggshells with regard to authority figures. I think that might be the single most consistent thing between their characterizations.
You do see that directly with Arakawa, of course. It's something established really early on for both of them. You can tell right away from Jo's sheepish look when Arakawa walks in on the yubitsume fiasco or RGGJo freezing up when Arakawa walks in on the equivalent scene that he's someone they genuinely seek approval from as an authority figure. And, y'know, 7 has that micro-interaction with Arakawa only needing to put a hand on Jo's shoulder to stop him, whereas RGGO has Mitsu directly stating that the only person who's able to calm him down when he's on a rampage is Arakawa. Honorable mention to the substory where Ichi stops RGGJo from killing some guy by saying it'd put Arakawa in a bad mood.
But I think the clearest example sort-of-outside of Arakawa, one that's more insightful with regard to authority in general (since you could say of course he respects Arakawa specifically), is actually from Ryuji's RGGO story. There was a fair amount of confusion, right, because it's canon to the console timeline, but they hadn't implemented the Arakawa Family's 7 sprites, and they used the RGGO ones. So the funny thing is, I could tell right away that everyone was supposed to be their 7 selves based on characterization
I did take the time to look over all of RGGJo's voice lines from the link you provided oh my god you weren't kidding about making quick edits i checked the log date and you were making changes just a few hours ago, bless you and your work fr and yeah no, his voice lines definitely give off a different feel from Y7Jo (and definitely no joke about the more 'flirtatious' lines- evidently as someone who's mostly perceived Y7Jo it's jarring to say the least. Not that I'm complaining, it's incredibly interesting to see the difference)! It's almost funny to me how different their personalities seem, I wonder what made RGG decide to conceal his more 'playful' personality..
In regards to his relationship with authority- or I guess I want to talk more specifically about with Arakawa- the backstory each Jo has offers different avenues for explanation as to why he's so readily obedient.
I have to make a disclaimer right now and say I'm not totally caught up on Ichi's RGGO story (I stopped just after their fight on the rooftop), so maybe more background to Jo is given. Nevertheless, for RGGJo, his reasons for being obedient aren't exactly clear aside from respecting Arakawa's influence/power (as noted by his irezumi, I'm pretty sure). On that note though, I haven't seen the bit from Ryuji's story- something I'm definitely going to look into once I get some time this week (and it's neat that the Jo's are distinct enough from each other that you can discern which iteration it's supposed to be despite the sprite used: I'm excited to see that for myself!).
Inversely, the context that Arakawa has been taking care of Jo's son offers a more concrete form of an explanation as to why he's compliant. It's not bad to assume I think that Jo genuinely respects Arakawa's authority, but it's that added context that adds an extra layer to his behavior.
#long post#fave#snap chats#what a better way to start the day than talking about jo thank you for another fun ask !!#i feel like making some stretches tho- left em out of the main text so i dont look TOTALLY insane#ill just look silly down here LMAO#but back to Y7Jo since im the most familiar with him and have had more time to ponder him#i feeeeel like making some psyche-related reaches for his reaction to authority#it's noteworthy that jo came from an abusive household even if he did runaway when he was 14/15 years old#and the effects of that feel the most apparent whenever aoki yells at him#he doesnt try to say anything or even apologize- he looks sheepish and stands quietly until aoki's done#it could just be the projection coming out but it's not uncommon for kids to let their parents scream at them#because what can they do? their parent is the authority figure so their input isn't valid#ironic im saying all that when referencing /aoki/ and /jo/ but it's a cruel irony now isnt it#BUT thats all of my silly rambling. again this is more theorizing than anything im super concrete on#i blame having had to do my psyche paper this weekend but id be lying if its not somethin i think bout a lot#its just not something id try to pass as hard fact to anyone#in any case thats all i have to say :) thank you again for the ask !
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TDI Advice wanted!
Hi TD fans! I'm planning a rewrite of TDI, the cast will be 18 for in-universe reasons (think legal contracts, I'm not gonna be weird about them). I'm aiming to make it more realistic and in line with the 2007 aesthetic, i.e era appropriate lingo & references, mobile phones are rare, homophobia is a bigger concern etc, but I'm wondering how far I should take it?
In the end I'll write what I enjoy, but should I lean more heavily into the gritty side of reality TV both on and behind the screen, include more notable sexism, potential slurs and creepy behaviours etc? The point is for there to be believable drama in-universe and the topics planned all have some merit to be present. I have some hard lines I'll never cross (see last tags on the post for those curious) and I want people familiar with the themes to feel seen rather than exploited reading it.
At the end of the day the cast are just youngsters getting to know each other and themselves. I want to humanize them and write believable conflicts without demonizing anyone, it is intended as a character driven story after all. But I also want to know what others think would make for an enjoyable read/take on the show.
The cast will inevitably diverge from their canon counterparts, but I am unsure how to handle certain characters, an example being LeShawna. She's clearly based on a racist stereotype, but her personality, background and lingo are a huge part of her appeal and I'd rather portray her in a better light than change her from the ground up. If you have any pointers I can keep in mind for her or anyone else you think is often portrayed poorly in canon or fanon then please let me hear your takes! This goes for non-TDI castmates as well, even if they don't show up in the story I wanna know what people think does and doesn't work for them and their tropes/traits cause it might still be relevant!
#Td#Tdi#Total drama#Id love any opinions no matter how personal or miniscule. Even outside of fic writing I love hearing theories/analyses.#Also: I already have some things very strongly set in stone so I won't change this project to perfectly appease someone else's vision#Some charas will inevitably be OOC at points but I am using canon information and what we know from stuff like other seasons and their bios#-as my basis for most things. Because while I want to explore some unrelated topics I still want this to be the TD cast. Not my OCs.#That said there will be personal headcanons thrown in. But I hope they flow well with canon and don't stand out as a sore thumb.#Some HCs might replace canon traits but only if I think they were bad/random or underdeveloped.#And if you have songs you think fit the campers pls send them my way! Good character playlists really helps w getting into their headspace#While I am a huge IOTS fan I don't intend to reference it in my work. No gore or character deaths because that stuff is too impactful both-#-for the characters and for the show in-universe. It would derail everything which is what makes IOTS work but is unfitting here.#All TWs will be listed once I start writing. I'm happy to tag niche phobias/squicks/TWs as well so if you're interested in reading but-#-worry that something specific might be included then just ask! No matter how silly it might seem I've got you covered.#What I won't include: SA nor heavy sexism/racism. I might not touch racism much at all outside of beauty standards/racist tv tropes.#Any heavy topic included will be approached with a lot of care and consideration for those affected. There will be 0 shock value inclusions
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the thing about gamedev that they dont want you to know is that you have to actually dev your game @.@ crazy ! ! !
#bobtalk#slowlyyy making progress on customizing my vn thru the depression funk lol...#i much much prefer working with things that i only kind of understand because i think struggling is fun but also it takes a lot of time tha#t way....#im at a level where i Can code right. i Can code. but im not very good at it. im a jack of all trades master of none kind of guy#(that is to say that i am pretty good at coding to a certain level but i dont have much experience at larger scales.)#and its fun. its thrilling.#its like how i never learned long division so i would always have to do 9000 workarounds to get to answers without calculator.#its like life or death fighting. delectable.#of course if i fail too horribly it just makes me want to blow everything up but theres a delicious middle ground of competency.#you know how it is.#so uh. yeah. im figuring out ren/py screens. LOL#i think if someone who really knows what theyre doing looked at my project theyd want to murder me but thats half the fun <3#not like i have to worry about performance issues on my. uh. visual n0vel.#at any rate its so much better than visualnovelmaker i have so much beef with that program its actually unreal#anyway i kind of sort of have a vision. and its maybe not quite coherent bc im not a very coherent person. but thats okay i think. <3#sorry for talking i feel slightly insane and i needed to let some of that out before Total Brain Annihilation#heart emoji. uh. bye
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youtube
Just stumbled over this very short video of Peter and Lucy being absolute babies and I think in order to help people understand my soul on a fundamental level, I'll just start showing them this.
#narnia#peter pevensie#lucy pevensie#big brother#look they are very integral to my entire soul in a way that physically hurts and took a really long time for me to fully understand#i love them okay#its totally not projection at all#has nothing to do with any sort of older brother related trauma or anything#Youtube
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Useful article from CNN on election-night misinformation.
Key takeaway is that pretty much whatever happens, Trump will claim it's evidence that the election is being rigged against him.
Some additional things to keep in mind--particularly if you haven't been through many of these before:
The winner may or may not be projected on election night. How long it takes depends on a bunch of factors, having to do with the logistics of ballot-counting and how the statistical analysis comes along. Getting a projected winner by midnight and the count taking several days are both well within the range of normal, and neither one suggests that anything nefarious is happening.
Counting of votes always continues for several days after the election, until every vote has been counted. This happens regardless of whether or not the media have "called" a winner, or a candidate has conceded.
Media outlets project election winners based on the data that has come in and their statistical models--they do not "declare" or "decide" who won. The major outlets are very motivated to avoid an incorrect projection*, so if they make a call, it's because they're really sure they have enough information to accurately predict the outcome of the final count.
Usually, when this happens, all of the major media outlets are making the same projection around the same time--within the same hour, at least, and often in the same 10 minutes or so. If there's an outlier, there's a good chance they're either guessing or propagandizing.
Candidates do not get to call the race in their own favor. There's a decent chance Trump will try, but also it's also normal and expected for both campaigns to talk like they're expecting to win; e.g. introducing their candidate as "the next President of the United States" when appearing before supporters at events. (My guess is that if he does try, the mainstream media outlets will simply sanewash it as typical election-night bravado, which is actually fine.)
The only thing that means anything, coming from a candidate/campaign, is a concession. This will often happen after the media has called the race for the other candidate; it usually isn't a surprise. A normal campaign will often go quiet--stop sending people to talk on TV, etc.--when they're getting ready to concede. (Trump arguably** still hasn't conceded 2020, so no one is particularly expecting him to concede any time this coming week.)
It's normal for the numbers to change a lot. There are always some surprises, but there are also standard patterns: results from the southeast usually come in a clump, and put a lot of electoral votes into the Republican column, early in the night. Democrats usually pick up the west coast states, which of course are the last to close their polls and start reporting results***. For the swing states, where we'll probably see a lot of reporting on very incomplete vote totals, results will start coming in first from the rural areas, which lean red; cities take longer to count their votes--because there are more of them--and lean blue.
The more uncertainty there is about the outcome, the more you'll hear about the evolving numbers--news networks have airtime to fill, and there's only so many ways you can say, "Still too close to call." Try not to obsess over these numbers; the news networks have people specially trained to analyze this exact kind of data, and if they can't say how it's going to turn out, you're not going to know, either.
If it ends up being too close to call for several days, there will probably be reporting on small, county-by-county vote dumps. It's important to realize that this is all still the original count of the votes, not a recount or "finding new votes." We only hear about it when the election is so close that these relatively small numbers of ballots are likely to affect the outcome, but it happens every single election. In 2020, Trump repeatedly claimed that ongoing counts were some how irregular, and sometimes demanded that counts be stopped when the current total showed him in the lead. This is, to be clear, nuts; the full & complete count of the votes always takes more than just the one day, and it's a bedrock principle of democracy that every valid ballot is counted.
(* Back in 2000, the Bush-Gore election with the whole Florida debacle, several major news outlets did project winners too soon, and then had to walk back their projections.
This definitely contributed to the chaos that night, and may have also contributed to the widespread perception that Bush was the "real" winner and Gore was dragging the country through multiple recounts, in those first few days when the initial count of wasn't even complete in some states.
As a result, responsible media outlets are much more cautious these days about election-night projections.)
(**On January 7, 2021 he made a statement that was taken as indicating his understanding that Biden had won, or at least that he knew he wouldn't be staying in office, but he never stopped saying he won.)
(***This often looks like the Republican being miles ahead, and then suddenly California reports in and they aren't anymore. Expect Trump to pretend that this is somehow shocking, even though the last time a Republican won California was 1988.
Similarly, he will also pretend to be surprised when, for instance, Philadelphia turns in their first big batch of results, and Harris's numbers jump up.)
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#it's very strange #because i often feel like the culmination of those characters arcs #like if the point is they're ace great but like... #the option of lesbianism just *never* occurs #which--and again not to discredit any ace people or ace readings of her work--is such a common lesbian experience! #like myself and a bunch of other lesbians i know had that journey #of going 'hmm i don't like men... guess I'm asexual! (do not ask me about women i will combust)' #like lady bird... whatever #little women... alright i suppose if you wanted to make a comentary on how lma was forced to add the heterosexual romance at the end #and not suggest anything about a real person and also not deviate from the source material #but barbie was insane #the coding was next level #like c'mon birkenstocks??? #and i argue that barbies acceptance of genitalia could be read as an acceptance of sexuality or the very least exploring it #so why isn't she a dyke??? (other than mattel probably giving a hard no on that)
I don’t know, the thing that really bothers me about Greta Gerwig’s films is that there is just this gaping hole where gay women should be. Like, when you’re making these movies about the trap of heterosexual marriage, breaking free of that, and the only concrete answer is to be a single woman over and over and over again, it feels like an intentional absence. You can watch the movie with a queer lens, but it is egregious that you may only consider homosexuality in her movies in this way. It ought to be in them. There is no reason for it not to be there. Women don’t fuck women in Greta Gerwig’s feminist liberations. Often, they don’t have sex at all.
#hi I'm taking kaeden's tags with the lesbian perspective bc I'm gonna add the ace perspective#bc I have Thoughts about this#(preface I have only seen little women and barbie so I'm not gonna talk about lady bird)#1. as an ace person it is very rare that a story is explicitly about a woman being like 'actually it's fine if I don't have a relationship'#2. it is still very weird to not include queerness at all in that story#it's like. do I love to hc jo and barbie as ace? yeah absolutely#do I think that's what greta gerwig intended? honestly no#does it matter? maybe. because she's not putting in queerness in any other way#like sure there's a trans barbie but it's not like they say she's trans or have any comment to make about transness#(not that I am any authority to comment on transness)#and as trans women have pointed out better than me it's very weird to end your film about barbie with#'she's a real girl now that she has a vagina!'#it is interesting because I can understand more having a lesbian reading of jo but I didn't pick up anything lesbian about barbie#and had a total aroace reading of her#but the truth is the film wasn't trying to give her either#and we're all just projecting our own stuff onto it#yes margot robbie has said stuff that supports the ace reading but idk that she knows that's what she's doing beyond 'well she's a doll'#like as much as I enjoy it or make jokes.#and like yeah some (many) of the kens had gay vibes but they didn't actually let any of them be gay#beyond the like winky nod to magic earring ken#idk. I take a lot of issues with the barbie movie from a story perspective#but related to this post I was really hoping it would show Some sort of queerness apart from just accidental stuff we're reading into#or like the existence of kate mckinnon#it feels like greta gerwig knows queer people exist in theory but she doesn't have any interest in including us in stories#except subtly or accidentally#this is getting really long but like. part of being ace for me was being like#well if I'm not straight then I'm gay and if I'm not gay then what am I#which ironically is kinda the reverse of what kaeden said#it's that lesbian ace solidarity baybee#but it's not like greta gerwig's characters are ever even presented the Option to be attracted to women
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If I see any more misinformation about Kamala Harris to dissuade people from voting I will explode.
1. She did a lot of work as a prosecutor to dismantle the system. When she was DA in San Francisco she was labeled as being “soft on crime” which she in turn claimed was “smart on crime”. Harris made a program called Back on Track so that low-level nonviolent drug offenders could enroll in school rather than doing jail time. She has believe and continues to believe that supporting people prevents crime far better than criminalizing people.
Yes, she put people behind bars. I know she called herself the “Top Cop” and I fucking hate that. However, the number of people who served time in jail was significantly reduced due to her program. She’s not a saint, but she tried to reduce harm as much as she could in her position. Since then, she’s called for even more action in terms of legalizing marijuana and I believe recently fully endorsed it publicly.
2. She is not transphobic. Harris backed the state of California when it tried to deny gender-affirmation surgery to a trans prisoner, but as attorney general, she could not deny the state’s Department of Corrections as a client of hers. Essentially, she had no say in the denial of surgery herself, as she had to represent the department’s interests over her own. Once she realized what they were doing, Harris actually worked behind the scenes to get that very policy changed so that any inmate who needs that care could get it. Additionally, she has lead efforts to put an end to gay and transgender “panic” defenses in criminal trials.
3. Kamala Harris is Black. For some reason, people like to say that she isn’t, and that she’s Indian and pretending to be black… for what reason? Depends on who’s telling the lie to begin with. Kamala Harris is Black and South Asian. Her father, Donald Harris, is a Black man who was born in Jamaica. Her mother, Shyamala Gopalan, was born in India. Speculating about her race with so much evidence towards the contrary is so wrong. If anyone tells you shit about this, just send them her whitehouse.gov biography.
4. Harris (reportedly) has different opinions than Biden on Palestine. Whether or not she makes a clear stance against Israel, I don’t know. That hasn’t happened yet, but I’ll remain hopeful until further notice. She reportedly tried to push Biden towards “a policy on Gaza that was both more humane and in alignment with international law” but wasn’t listened to. The only reason why this is one of my points is that I’ve seen a lot of people stating that she is totally behind every decision and stance Biden made as president, which isn’t necessarily true. I don’t want to give her credit for being pro-Palestine if she isn’t, just to be clear. That is not what I’m trying to do here.
I desperately want her to stand for a free Palestine. I cannot make the promise that this will happen. All I can hope for is that her policy will be less harmful than Trump’s- who wants Israel to “finish the job” and promises to “throw (pro-Palestinian protestors) out of the country”.
Conclusion: the fact of the matter is that people make shit up all of the time. Sometimes it’s propaganda they accidentally absorb, sometimes it’s deliberate misinformation. People often take rumors as facts, and we need to be more vigilant about it. What I know is that some people will do anything for you to not vote tor Kamala Harris, when in reality she’s our only hope here.
Is Harris my favorite person ever? Absolutely not. Does she share my exact views and opinions? Nope. Would I rather vote for someone who more aligns with my personal views? Yes.
Is voting for Harris the only way to stop Donald Trump and Project 2025? Yes.
Disclaimer for the blog: To be 100% transparent, this is only my (Fanya’s) opinions. Although this is a shared blog, I cannot claim that my stance and my voice speaks for everybody involved in this blog. Some members are not American. Some may have different takes. All I know is that all of us are anti-Trump. Don’t go after my friends if you have beef with what I’m saying. I’m trying my best here.
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✎ to my beloved
- gojo satoru x reader
bad days don't mean the end of the world, and your husband is making sure you know that
genre: hurt/comfort, fluff, fluff, fluff—just gojo pampering you
note: my job has been so hard for me this week :') so yeah it's very self indulgent as i need a lil hurt/comfort and i think you should too~
a part of gojo's love entries
general masterlist
This week... has been a total dumpster fire.
You were utterly exhausted, covered in grime and blood, a persisting headache made you almost black out, all while sitting in the hospital waiting room as survivor's guilt slowly consumed you.
Grueling paperwork, a new project, facing the higher-ups, being substituted to Kyoto for days, and then a sudden attack of a curse user on the loose.
In times of need, you were supposed to protect others— you are a jujutsu sorcerer.
And yet, what happened? Megumi suddenly bathed in his own blood. You barely managed to save him in time, and now you were waiting for the news that he would be okay.
Why couldn't it be you instead? You wanted to break down each time you replayed the scene that took Megumi out. It was so eerily similar to how Haibara was—
"Are you okay!?"
You whipped your head, surprised to find your husband pounding down the hall. Satoru looked unlike himself—he was disheveled, and when he saw you, he immediately dashed towards where you were.
"Satoru..." you voice came out in a croak, feeling the lump in your throat closing in. When he dropped to his knee, put both hands on the sides of your face, and then your body, feeling you over to check if you had any injuries—
You finally burst into tears.
"Sweets, hey..." Satoru immediately pulled you close, trying to soothe you. You were shaking in his arms and he tightened his arms around you. "What happened to you?"
"I-I was... w-with him..." you sobbed, burying your face in his shoulder. "S-Satoru... I-I'm sorry...! M-Megumi—"
Your husband immediately shushed you. "Shh... it's alright, yeah? He'll be okay—"
You were still inconsolable even as he held you in his embrace. He hadn't seen you like this... not ever since tragedies during your high school years ago. And he struggled to reconcile this sight of you with how you were back then.
"I-I s-should've stood in his way— t-that way, he won't be hit—" you hiccupped as you poured your heart out and clutched at his shirt. "I-It would be f-fine if it... was me—"
But all thoughts flew when he heard your words, and suddenly he felt so angry—
"What do you mean?" his voice was so low and sharp that it startled you. "How will it be fine if it was you?"
You stiffened, and Satoru gripped your shoulder, pulling away to look you right in the eyes.
"If something bad happened to you... how is it fine?" he emphasized with gritted teeth. "Where do you get that kind of bullshit from?"
Your lips were wobbling as you sniffled. "At least... i-it isn't him—"
"If you got hurt, how do you think it'll make me feel?" Satoru posed the burning question on you next, his cerulean eyes glinting with silent fury, and you almost recoiled.
"T-that's...!"
"I'll wreak havoc if anything ever happens to you." His tone was harsh and forceful. "So if you think you can just—"
"I'm tired!" you screamed then, and he was stunned, wide-eyed as he took in your outburst. "I-I'm just... I've had enough of this— this shit! I want to quit!"
You were openly weeping, and this time, Satoru felt his heart lurch. You looked so heartbroken and utterly inconsolable that his first instinct to protect you took over.
"Then quit." He rose and took a seat next to you, before cradling you closer and pressed your head against his chest. "Even if you quit, I'm still here. I can protect you well enough. I don't like you being a sorcerer anyway."
You were his beloved wife and he hated seeing you like this. You were supposed to be happy and smiling.
He let out a disgruntled grunt. "Did you know how I was when I heard from Ichiji that you were at the hospital? I thought I might go mad thinking something had happened to you."
You sobbed harder at his words.
"It's perfectly okay if you're tired," he affirmed, patting your back gently. "If you're fine with giving up everything, then I'm on board too. Whatever makes you happy, sweets. Just... don't think of anything that might hurt yourself. Don't think of anything that might make you leave me."
You didn't know you needed to hear it. Right at that moment, your heart swelled with warmth. All your feelings were validated, and even if you chose to let go of everything, Satoru would accept you as you are.
You felt safe, so incredibly and irrevocably secure.
"Whatever happened this time..." he breathed out, feeling the dampness in his chest, his fingers gently combing through your hair. "It's not your fault. No one will blame you. I don't blame you, and Megumi won't too."
Your sniffles quieted down a bit at his words, and your throat still felt tight, clogged with tears.
"H-he... looked s-so much like Haibara... w-when—"
"Shush, he does not. Megumi will be okay. You will too, hmm?"
And just like that, you let go of everything and surrendered your entire being into his arms.
Clinging to him, you finally believed, in whatever shape or form it might take, you would be okay.
A week later, Megumi was discharged after being cleared by the hospital. His wounds were thankfully shallow, and you cried in relief when he woke up.
And after escorting him back, later that night, you laid on top your husband...
Your weight on him felt like a comforting reassurance as he gently patted your back. Satoru couldn't help but smile when he saw how peaceful you looked, like a baby about to fall asleep.
He couldn't resist and planted a firm kiss on the crown of your head.
"Mmm?" you looked up at him, eyes fluttering open, and he cracked a grin.
"What?"
"What?"
"Can't I kiss my own wife? When she's adorable as heck too."
"You..." your lips curved into a bashful, yet exasperated smile, poking his chest in the process.
"Heh."
You drew circles on his broad and sturdy chest, noting how his arms extended and feeling how your toenails only reached a little past his knees. "Your arms and legs are ridiculously long. You are like an oversized plushie."
Satoru snickered. "Well, isn't that good? You don't have to buy them anymore. I can be your personal talking plushie."
"Ew." You hit his chest playfully, and he pushed your bum forward until you were face-to-face with him. He smooched you on the lips, and you giggled afterward.
His eyes shone as he stared at you, breaking to a smile himself. "Finally smiling. Pretty."
"Satoru..." your eyes found his, and you marveled at how sparkling they were. Seeing him so close, even after being married to him for more than a year, made your heart skip a beat. "I..."
"Hmm?"
"I want to keep being jujutsu sorcerer..." You had thought about it ever since, and you still arrived at the same conclusion. "It's true if I give up on it, you'll still keep me safe and all, but..."
Your husband waited for you to continue, still smiling, blinking expectantly.
"...this is something I have to do. I know there will be more hard days ahead, but believe it or not, I... found purpose in doing this," you said, shifting your gaze away from him. "It makes me feel... I can be useful. Even if I'm not special like you, I can still contribute in my own small way..."
How you pressed up against him, the way you looked hesitant and yet convinced at the same time... Satoru thought you were the most precious thing there was.
"Then keep going. I'll still be here too." He hugged you tight then, surprising you. "Just let me know when you feel like you need a long leave, and I'll definitely give you the solution."
"Eh? How?"
"Easy... I can just put a baby in you~ They won't deny you maternity leave or put you in missions~"
"...Satoru, you're—" You shot him a look so unamused, before resigning with a sigh. "Never mind... alright, sure, whatever you say."
"Ooh! So does this mean you want to try now?!"
"—? No, not now yet—!"
"When? We have to try one of these days before some meddlesome aunties ask us when we will have kids!"
Being sillies like this made you so glad that you had him in your life, and that you married him. And if he felt the same way as you... then you really thanked the stars for it.
You huffed, yet wrapping your arms around him in return. "Satoru, you're a clown."
"Your personal clown, you mean. Right~"
#𝑙𝑜𝑣𝑒 𝑒𝑛𝑡𝑟𝑖𝑒𝑠#gojo x reader#gojo satoru x reader#jujutsu kaisen#jjk x reader#satoru gojo x reader#jjk drabbles#gojo satoru#satoru x reader#jjk imagines#jujutsu kaisen x reader#gojo satoru fluff#jjk fluff#gojo x you#satoru gojo fluff#jjk x reader fluff#gojo fluff#jujutsu kaisen fluff#jjk fic#jjk fanfic#jujutsu kaisen imagines#jujutsu kaisen x you#jujutsu kaisen fanfic#gojo satoru imagines#dad!gojo#jjk gojo satoru#jutusu kaisen x reader#satoru gojo x you#satoru gojo
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Double Date - Double Down
NSFW | MDNI
Simon ‘Ghost’ Riley x Fem!plus size!reader
Word count: 4.9k
Summary: When you get a call in the middle of the afternoon from your friend begging you to fill an empty spot on a double date your initial instinct is a hard no. After all, no one wants to go on a blind double date and be surprised by the fat friend. It doesn’t help that this Simon guy is stupid fucking hot and obviously doesn’t like you - if his lack of talking is anything to go by.
A/N: Just a fun little oneshot I used as a warmup between working on chapters of future multi chapter projects.
“I said *no*.” You snap, angrily folding the washcloth in your hands.
Your friend splutters from the other side of the phone, the desperation in her voice only growing now that she’s on her fourth ask. “*Pleeeaase*! Steph backed out last minute and no one else is free-“
“How do you know I’m free?”
“You just said you were!”
You huff. She’s got you there. When she first called, you admitted you didn’t have anything going on but that was *before* she told you the plan for the night. Before she mentioned that her very, very conventionally hot military boyfriend wanted to do a little double date with his friend and one of hers. Plus, you take a least a little offense to being second choice. Really, last choice, it seems.
“Cass, you can’t just set up a blind date and take your fat friend. That’s not-“
“You’re not fat, love. You’re beautiful.” Her words drip with turned honey. You make a gagging face to yourself in the mirror. “You just need more confidence!”
You sigh loudly, pinching the bridge of your nose. You could try, for the millionth time, to explain to her the nuanced ins and outs of dating as a fat woman. The rules and stats that could rival even the most complex rpg… or you could be petty. It takes less time to be petty. “If I go, you’re paying for my drinks.”
“Johnny’s friend will probably-“
“Yeah, and when he leaves you’re paying for my tab.”
“He won’t-“
“We got a deal?”
She clicks her tongue. “*Fiiiine*.”
At least you can get wasted for free either way. A small consolation. She texts you the time and location, barely leaving you with enough time to shower and turn yourself into something presentable. Not that you really care. It’s going to be shit either way, most likely. Staring yourself down in the mirror, you suppose you could at least try to look somewhat attractive. If you’re about to get rejected (or possibly shouted at, you’ll never forget *that* horrendous interaction) you might as well feel your best.
The pub is small as you push through the front door. Casual. A couple pool tables, some darts, a large bar and few booths with stools on the outer side. You scan the room, searching for Cass’s familiar face.
“Over here!” Cass waves with a wide arc at you, a grin plastered from ear to ear. At least she’s having fun.
You take a long breath, bracing yourself for whatever is about to happen. Cass introduces you to her boyfriend - who is somehow even hotter in person. You can see why she’s so smitten with him. Johnny looks you up and down as he shakes your hand. He doesn’t comment, or make a face, or really react in any particular way, but you can feel a shift. Something in his eyes…
Maybe it’s just your imagination. You’ve always been a little over sensitive.
“Si will be back in a sec. Stepped over tae get a drink.” He flashes a grin.
You hum, quietly folding your hand as Cass pushes a cocktail for you that she preemptively ordered. Criticize her as much as you like, she knows her mixes.
“There he is.” Johnny grins, turning slightly.
You follow his gaze, heart sinking as your eyes settle on the man approaching your table. He’s massive. Tall and wide. Total brick shithouse. His face is mostly covered by a black surgical mask. A few years ago you might have questioned it but at this point you couldn’t care less, especially when his dark eyes meet yours, small flecks of gold honey catching the low bar lights. Barely styled tufts of blonde hair stick up from his head. They look like they might curl if he let it grow a little longer.
All in all, wayyyy out of your league.
He settles into his seat with all the confidence of any military man - back ramrod straight. He extends a large hand. “Simon Riley.”
You murmur your name, somewhat enthralled by the half lidded, almost bored look in his eyes. Now that he’s closer you notice a large scar splitting his left eyebrow and light, newly forming crows feet in the corners of his eyes.
“S-so you’re military, too?” You stutter, eyes trained on his the massive hand holding his glass. It’s nicely vascular, his nails are well groomed but it also looks like he could snap you in half with it.
Not that that’s entirely a bad thing - whatever that may or may not say about you.
He nods. “I’m a Lieutenant.”
“Oh! Officer position. So you’re smart, then?” You try to be charming, to give him a sweet smile and keep your body language open.
“Enough.” He deadpans. It takes a few beats for you to realize he’s not going to say anything else.
“Uh…” You squirm awkwardly under his gaze. It’s intense - his dark eyes nearly black in the low light of the bar. “I do hair.”
Conversation is slow, to say the least. The longest answer he gives you is maybe five words. He only flips up the mask long enough to take a sip of his drink every so often. You start to talk less, opting toward a group conversation in which Johnny takes the lead, which he is obviously very good at. He regales you and Cass with a few stories of his and Simon’s adventures. Some funny, some brave, some worrying. He’s setting the man up to be a god, nearly, but Simon himself just shakes his head and insists Johnny is exaggerating.
You wonder what he sees in Simon. Alternatively, you wonder what *you’re* supposed to see in Simon. Besides his good looks, of course. He’s… bland. Obviously bored if his constant glances toward the exits and rhythmic, occasional tapping on the corner of the table are anything to go by.
“Want tae go dance, lovie?” You overhear Johnny as he leans in toward Cass.
She glances at you, then Simon, then back to you before nodding enthusiastically. “We’ll give you two some time *alone*.”
In any other situation, you’d probably beg her to stay in desperation for a conversation buffer. Here and now, though, you’re grateful. You can finally let this poor guy off the hook. You wait until they’re gone; fully out of earshot before turning to the man in front of you.
“I…uh… look…” You chew your lip, glancing between him and your folded hands on the table. “Sorry… I know I’m probably not what, uh, what you expected… I get it if you want to leave. It’s - you don’t have to stay, or whatever. Don’t have to be polite…”
He cocks an eyebrow, eyes boring through your skull. “Why would I want to leave?”
“I know what I look like. You don’t have to be nice.”
His raised brow turns into a slight frown. “I think you’re quite pretty.”
You scoff - blushing despite yourself. “Again, you don’t have to be nice.”
“Do I seem like the type to just be nice?”
You continue to gnaw at your lip. He’s got you there. Simon definietly doesn’t come off as the type to bow to polite society. “You’ve barely talked to me.”
He stares for a moment. It’s his turn to avert his eyes, swirling around the whiskey in his glass awkwardly. Almost bashfully. “It’s not you. I’m… not great in public… especially in crowds…”
Oh.
*Oh*.
You’ve completely misjudged him, haven’t you? Shit. He’s just a big awkward lug isn’t he?You sigh, rubbing your temple. “Oh God, *I’m* the asshole, aren’t I?”
He chuckles, “I wouldn’t go that far.”
“I’m sorry it’s just…” you scrub a hand over your face. “Most men don’t really want to be surprised with a fat girl on a blind date. Guess I assumed the worst.”
Simon hums. A low vibration that settles into your bones. He gets up, sliding into the booth side of the table beside you - his massive frame pushing into your space. He smells like spices. Cinnamon and pepper. A little hint of leather and tobacco underneath. It’s heady, and some primal part of your mind wishes you could roll around in it like a dog.
“Some men might like a waifish little thing, that’s their business, but personally…” He leans in, a large hand resting on your wide thigh. “Yeah. I like somethin’ I can get a proper handful of.”
“*Oh*.” You squeak, back stiff. Was that what you saw in Johnny’s face before? Approval?
“‘Ere’s a thought - we go back to mine. S’quiet. Can talk more freely. See where the night goes, hm?”
You smile hesitantly, finally looking up to meet his gaze. It’s honest. Kind. Dark pools of sincerity. It’s against your better judgement. Impractical. Out of character. Even so, you allow yourself to surrender with a warmth in your cheeks and a small nod.
“I’ll get an Uber.” He pulls out his phone, tapping away. “Five minutes out.”
“Want to wait outside?” You offer, nodding toward the front entrance. Simon just nods, following you out close behind. Neither of you say much of anything while you wait, but you watch him out of the corner of your eye. He taps on his leg a few times in much the same way as he did on the table.
He dutifully opens the car door for you, letting you slide in before climbing in beside you, long legs slightly cramped in the small sedan.
“You don’t live on base?” You ask as the Uber drives away from the infamous military housing. You’d been there once or twice - a while ago when you were younger and messier.
“S’too loud.” He shrugs. “Too crowded.”
“Well, at least you’re consistent.” You smile.
Simon hums, resting his hand on your thigh once again. It’s casual, not too high up or too much pressure. Not presumptuous.
“How’d Johnny get you out there in the first place? If you’re so *averse*.” You tilt your head.
He shrugs, “Was supposed to be another Sergeant we work with but I guess he cancelled. No one else was free.”
“Ah, so we’re both last choices, then.”
“Yeah?”
“Made Cass promise me free drinks if I came.”
“Smart girl.” He chuckles, holding out a hand to help you up out of the car upon your arrival. His hand is warm when you take it, and a small part of you feels disappointed when he lets go.
The building is small. Old. All red brick with a thirty year old intercom and an elevator that you’re pretty sure hasn’t been inspected since the place was built. About halfway down the hall, you start to second guess yourself. You don’t know a thing about this guy - you don’t know what’s going to happen as soon as you get on the other side of his door. His weird, bright red door. Wait - why is this whole floor covered in red doors?
“Alright?” He grunts, back turned to you as he wrestles with the lock.
“Uh - why is your floor color themed?”
Simon laughs, wide shoulders shaking with the movement. It’s a low sound, something that vibrates in his chest. Makes you want to press your ear to it, see how it feels. If it will reverberate into your bones as well. “The old lady that owns the building is a bit… unique. Likes to talk about colors and karma and destiny stuff.”
“Ah.” You nod, as if that makes any sense at all. “So you’re red?”
“Apparently.”
His apartment is actually quite homey, as you step into it. From a stiff military man like him you expected something akin to an ikea floor model. Instead it’s furnished with a well worn, green couch. A large TV with an extremely up-to date surround sound system and an entertainment center filled to the brim with CDs sits against the wall. A few movie posters fill the walls. All horror classics - you count three of the scream movies. The first two final destination. There are condensation rings on the coffee table.
Behind you, you hear the door lock and unlock three times, but you don’t pay it much mind.
“Want a drink?” Simon asks, already popping open a decanter full of something gold on a small drink cart beside the kitchen island.
“Sure.” The agreement is automatic - blurted out before you can second guess taking a drink from a total stranger.
You watch a little too closely as he takes off his light jacket, exposing his strong arms and a half sleeve tattoo. It’s a bit tacky, all skulls and military symbols. The black ink has been sun worn over time. The motif of a young getting his first tattoo after enlisting. He settles down on the couch with the decanter and two glasses, patting the spot beside him. You plop down. It’s pretty comfortable, honestly.
His fingers loop into the mask’s straps. You find yourself watching with wide eyes and bated breath as he removes it. His nose is crooked - broken more than a couple times, you think. There’s a scar running from his nose to upper lip that could only come from a cleft palette. It’s charming, in a way. When he turns toward you, you notice a patch on the side of his face that looks like a rather large burn all the way down to his sharp jaw. The roughness of him works, somehow. The scars and tattoos and choppy hair all coming together to create the visage of a life hard lived.
“You’re really pretty…” the words slip from your tongue before you can stop them.
Simon splutters out a laugh, the slightest hint of color appearing across his cheeks. “Didn’t take you for a flatterer.”
“I’m not.” You huff before nodding toward the posters. “Horror fan?”
He hums, passing you a glass. “Are you a fan? Of horror, I mean.”
“Found footage!” You grin a little too excited. “It’s the best genre.”
“Terrible taste.” He scoffs.
“Wrong! Found footage can be anything you want it to be - slasher, thriller, mystery, mocumentary. Anything.”
“Which makes them messy.” He argues. “Anyone can make one.”
“Yeah! Theres so many hidden gems out there.”
“Whatever you say.”
“Oh, I’ll put you on them. We just need to get you a good one.”
“Askin’ me on a second date already, love?”
“Oh, fuck off.” You shove at his shoulder. He was right, it is so much easier to talk freely out of the bar. Away from everyone and everything. His posture is far more relaxed, laid back into the couch with his hips canted forward rather than stiff as a board.
“We could watch one now?” He offers. If you were more sober, you might have heard the twinge of pleading in his voice. As it stands you’ve already drained the glass he gave you and are perfectly buzzed enough to be ignorant to the subtler parts of communication.
How convenient.
“Okay.” You whisper.
After a bit of debating back and forth you settle on Hell House. After all, it’s been your tried and true method for getting anyone and everyone into the genre. You don’t notice it, at first, but you slowly begin to scoot closer to him as you fold your knees up on the couch. Eventually, tucking yourself under his arm sling across the back cushions. Between him and the drinks - which you’re pretty sure is a rather fancy bourbon - you feel what could only be described as snuggly. Limbs loose and pliant, smile easy and words flowing as you cheer and jeer at the characters together.
At some point, Simon’s dark eyes meet between yours. You lean in, so does he. Inch by inch until your lips meet. It’s tentative, at first. Testing the waters. His lips are soft and move expertly against yours. You part for him has his tongue darts across your lower lip.
It’s easier than it usually is for you. Easy to let him pull you over his lap. To rest your hands on his broad shoulders as you take each other in. Normally, you’re not a person for one night stands. A commitment kind of gal. You can’t exactly say no, though, when you have a beautiful man’s hands traveling over your body like it’s the only thing in the world worth paying attention to right now.
He breaks the kiss just long enough to grunt, “Bedroom?”
“*Yes*.” You gasp between kisses.
Suddenly those large hands grasp under your ass as you’re hauled up. You grapple to hold onto the back of his neck, keeping your weight forward.
“Simon!”
“Yes, love?” He asks as if he didn’t just life you like a sack of potatoes.
“A-aren't I heavy?” You question as he makes his way through the apartment, peppering kisses over your neck and jaw.
“No.” He replies bluntly. Like what you asked was stupid.
You’re placed on a bed with all the gentleness of a rare china plate- one hand cradling your upper back and the other tucked under your thighs. There isn’t any time to take in the room before Simon is kissing you again but you do count approximately five pillows and zero navy sheets.
That shouldn’t be as hot as it is.
Simon leans in close, nose ever so slightly bumping yours. “Before we keep going, I want to establish a rule. Red light means stop. At any time, for any reason.”
You can’t help but smile. “Okay.”
“Say it back, doll.”
“Red light means stop.” You reach up and cup his face. So handsome. So warm.
“Good girl.” He murmurs. “Let’s get these off, hm?” Simon pulls your clothes off deftly - dragging those rough palms over your skin as he moves and kneading at the plushness of your hips appreciatively.
You reach up to tug at his shirt. “S’not fair if I’m the only one naked.”
Simon chuckles and hastily sits back to yank the shirt over his head, giving a lovely show in the process. You think this what people mean when they talk about an Adonis. There’s a comfortable soft layer of his strong abdomen. Something you want to sink your teeth into. Your fingers trace each dip and curve of his muscles, the lovely shape of his pectorals, the raised scars littering his body. Floral shapes from bullets along with slashes and smaller jabs. A particularly nasty one runs down his side, coving his ribs. A burn, you think.
“You’re beautiful.” You murmur. Definitely out of your fucking league. You move to sit up, reaching for his waistband.
His hand pushes your shoulder back on the bed. “Let me take care of you tonight, bird.”
Your face warms. Simon kisses your cheek, continuing down to your chest and taking one of your nipples in his mouth. Gently sucking and nipping at it while flicking the other with his hand. A shameful whimper escapes your throat.
Simon leans up to murmur in your ear, “What do you want, sweet girl?”
“Want you to fuck me…” You murmur, embarrassment making you want to close your legs. His solid hips block you.
“Oh, I will, but first I want those beautiful thighs wrapped around my head.” Simon continues to place kisses down your body, over your stomach, stopping right at your panty line and tracing along it with rough fingers. His arms circle your thighs and in one swift motion your hips teeter on the edge of the bed, Simon kneeling between them. His fingers hook in the waistband of your underwear.
“W-wait…” You sit up on your elbows.
He freezes, looking up at you.
“I, uh, I haven’t exactly *landscaped* in a while… wasn’t really planning-“
Simon huffs out a laugh. “I’m a grown man, love. You think a little bush is gonna scare me off?”
All thoughts related to anything within the proximity of embarrassment come to an instant halt as Simon’s lips wrap around your clit- sucking and nipping and lapping like a man starved. Like he’d die without it. A low groan rumbles through his throat.
“F-fuck!” You gasp, whimpers and moans interrupting any chance you may have at putting words together.
“Taste so fucking good, princess.” He mumbles against you. A shaky moan rattles through you as he pushes a thick finger in, working it gently. His other than grips your hip tightly, pinning you in place. The pet-name sends a shiver down your spine - leaving you rolling your hips and clenching on the finger inside you.
“Fuck, Si…” You gasp, tangling your fingers in his hair.
“I can tell your close, baby.” Simon groans. “Cum for me. Come on, be a good girl and cum all over my fucking tongue.”
The bastard knows the power he has in that voice. He *has* to. That baritone gravel sinks in your veins and all you can do is whimper. Panting pathetically the closer you get. His fingers curl up and your back arches harshly as your climax washes over you. Your legs tremble as he works you through it; stopping just shy of pushing you too far.
“Hey!” You gasp indignantly as a jolt shoots up your spine as he settles a final, harsh suck on your clit.
Simon taps your hip, climbing back over you as you scoot up on the bed. He carelessly kicks off his pants as he goes, toeing them off before settling between your legs. Those dark eyes rake over you leisurely - taking in every inch. Every curve and dip and flaw categorically. He sucks in a breath and sighs. “Bloody ‘ell, look at you… so fuckin’ pretty.”
Your face heats and you look away. “Who’s the flatterer now?”
“Not me. Just bein’ honest.” He places a quick kiss to your soft jawline before reaching over to dig through his nightstand drawer. You don’t miss the gold foil of the condom wrapper.
You can’t stop yourself from licking your lips as he pulls off his boxer briefs. Simon is uncut, already ruddy and leaking and just begging for your mouth. Maybe next time, though. He’s already slipped on the condom, carefully hooking one of your legs over his shoulder and the other around his hip. The man has a laser-focus to him, you’ll give him that.
“Still want t’ keep goin’?” He mumbles, eyes locked on his cock as is drags between your folds.
“*Please*.” You whine pathetically. Simon’s chuckle turns into a gasp as he presses in. It’s achingly slow and you roll your hips in demand for more.
Simon lets out a low groan as his hips meet yours. The stretch is perfect - just enough to feel completely full without pushing you too far. As though your bodies were made to slot together just so. Your head falls back, chest heaving as you beg him to move, to fuck you, just *please* for the love of god-
“Needy little thing.” He gives you a sloppy smile before setting a brutal pace. You find yourself clawing at his back, clinging to him as your back arches and the most obscene sounds are systematically torn from your throat. The angle he has your hips placed causes his cock to bully that sensitive spot inside you - dragging over it with every thrust.
Simon leans toward, bracing himself on his forearms and pinning you under him as he fucks into you. “So fuckin’ good f’me. Knew you would be. So soft and sweet and goddamn *pretty*.”
“*Fuck, Simon*.” You gasp, nose bumping against his as your lips intertwine. Breaths and moans intermingle as you both chase that edge. There’s nothing else, in this moment, just you and Simon and the sounds only he has ever managed to pull from you.
Your orgasm hits you like a train. Out of nowhere and all at once, tensing every muscle into a trembling mess as you clamp down around his cock. Simon sinks his teeth into your neck as his own climax takes him, cradling you close and moaning out your name so muddled you almost miss it.
For a few moments, you stay frozen in place trying to catch your breath as you come down. Your limbs feel like jelly when you finally try to move, body limp and pliable. It almost feels like a loss as he pushes off of you, leaving you open and vulnerable to the cool night air while he ties off the condom.
“Be right back.” He murmurs, slowly climbing off you and heading for an attached bathroom off to the left.
You let your eyes slipped closed only to jump and shoot back open as a dap rag drags between your thighs. A little yelp escapes you as the rough material drags across your oversensitive clit. Simon chuckles at you, tossing the rag back somewhere in the bathroom before crawling into the bed beside you. It’s so easy to curl into his chest and let those strong arms encircle you.
“Have fun, love?” Simon murmurs into your hair.
You just hum happily, smiling against his hard chest.
“Good.”
It’s just as easy as the rest of it to fall asleep like that. To seek out the warmth of his body in your satiated haze and press into him, allowing the night and rhythmic beating of his heart to overtake you. You feel four small taps between your shoulder blades just before tipping over the edge into comfortable nothing.
You wake slowly to an empty bed. The light from the window above you streams in - bathing the room in a light golden tone. It’s cozy. The blankets seem to pull you in, keeping you snugly in place. Distantly, you hear the sound of pots and pans clinking.
Shockingly, you’re not hungover. Well, not much at least. There’s a slight twinge in your head and a not unpleasant soreness in your hips. You dig around, finding your clothes strewn across the room haphazardly. Your underwear are nowhere to be found and you eventually give up with a shrug. They weren’t one of your best pairs anyway.
When you come out of the bedroom, you pause. Simon stands in the kitchen, working on something over the stove wearing only a pair of sweatpants. They hang loosely around his hips, showing off the rises and dips of his strong muscles and well defined waist. This scene somehow feels too intimate despite your activities the night before.
“Perfect timing.” Simon turns, placing a plate down on the kitchen island. The omelette before you looks immaculate, all the way down to a light garnish on top.
Your eyes turn to saucers. “You…you made me breakfast?”
“Course.” He nods sharply as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world. As if *not* doing so would be some sort of affront. Either you’re still asleep and this is all a dream or you stumbled upon the perfect man through pure happenstance.
He turns the stove off and on and off twice before standing at the counter across from you while you sit on one of the stools at the island. It’s a comfortable silence as you both eat. Simon keeps glancing up at you as if waiting for your disapproval. Boyish, somehow, despite the size and breadth of him.
It’s perfect. The eggs practically melt in your mouth and the goat cheese and vegetables taste fresh. You can’t help but him happily as you eat.
By the time you’re done, you think you might be a little in love.
Maybe you should text Cass and thank her or something. Maybe a gift basket. “Oh. My phone’s dead.”
“Didn’t charge it before y’left last night?” Simon cocks an eyebrow, chewing on his last bite.
You snort. “It was last minute, remember?”
“What if I’d been some sort of psycho? What was your plan?” He grins as he takes your empty plate. If you were a more impulsive woman you may have gone so far as to lick the damn thing.
“Are you a psycho?”
“Not generally, no.”
“Well then, nothing to worry about.” You grin, watching a little too happily as he rinses down the dishes and loads the dishwasher.
Simon just scoffs at you.
You glance at the time above the stove, disappointment settling deep in your chest. “Shit. I should get going.”
“I’ll get you a cab.” Simon offers automatically, reaching for his phone.
You shift side to side, twiddling your thumbs. “Y’know… we never finished the movie…”
Simon cocks and eyebrow. From the pleased smirk on his face you can tell he knows what you’re implying. He still patiently waits for you to say it out loud.
“Would, uh, would you want to exchange numbers? Maybe… meet up… again…?” Your voice is more timid than you’d like. This fear of rejection is new. Being rejected is nothing new for you, so why does it suddenly feel so high stakes with this one guy you barely know?
You don’t miss the way his eyes light up ever so slightly at the question. “I’d love to.”
#simon ghost riley#ghost cod#call of duty#cod x reader#fanfic#fanfiction#ghost x reader#plus size reader#fat reader#reader insert#simon riley x you#simon x reader#simon riley x reader#ghost x you#smut#cod smut#reader insert smut#one shot#Ghost with OCD is my roman empire#he’s so much more well adjusted than I usually write him but it was fun#holly writes
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