#totally didn’t tell you to go do this
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btw todd’s reluctance to join the dps because he doesn’t want to read (which is then accommodated for) and is scared to put himself out there (which is also worked through) being read as todd not wanting to go AT ALL, and thus neil making the proper accommodations (“todd anderson, who prefers not to read, will keep the minutes of the meetings”) and encouraging him to step out of the box that stifles him being seen as ‘forceful’ or like he can’t take no for an answer makes me insane with rage
#and him trying to stop neil from asking if todd not reading at the meetings is okay isn’t him wanting not to go#its him not wanting neil to ask because (as someone with social anxiety) it’s EMBARRASSING ASF for someone to ask for things on your behalf#literally just think about it as the meme of ‘when i tell my friend im hungry and he tells his mom that *i* want food instead of both of us’#and the whole ‘neil not knowing how to take no for an answer’ thing…… dont get me fucking started#the kid who’s had to take no for an answer his whole life? the kid whose first proper scene IS him taking no for an answer? are you serious?#being encouraging and accommodating and (admittedly) a little pushy when he’s got his mind set on something—#—is NAWT the same as not being able to take no for an answer or bulldozing through conversations with people#he and todd DO listen to each other in those conversations theyre just on opposing sides—#—because their understandings of the world don’t fully align at that point in time/the movie#which is totally fucking normal?????? because later on they DO properly align?????????#i feel so crazy about this every time i see someone say todd didn’t want to go the dead poets meetings because it’s so obvious he DID#he was just scared#and you know what maybe it IS a little forceful#but given how dedicated todd is to shutting off and hating and isolating himself he NEEDS a little forceful to be broken through to#if no one ever pushed me to do things when i was scared (as irritated as it can make me) i’d never do SHIT dude#and obviously todd is the same way because he ALL BUT OUTRIGHT SAYS AS MUCH#‘i appreciate this concern but i’m not like you’ IS about neil’s voice and opinions mattering to people but it’s ALSO about—#—him being outgoing and trying new things and putting himself out there#WHICH TODD WANTS TO BE ABLE TO DO!!!!!!!!#the moral you take away from todds growth is NOT that he has to change to be accepted because he DOESNT#its that he has to gain the confidence and belief in himself to grow and become the version of himself he WANTS to be#he NEVER changes on a fundamental level to make others happy (although his growth does make others happy) he just opens up more#and i dont know WHY some people think his arc is becoming a completely different person#like yall PLEASE#this isnt even an anderperry thing this is an issue even if you read them completely platonic#i blame the FUCKASS novelization…. dps book you will always be hated by ME#dps#dead poets society#neil perry#todd anderson
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fucking love being forced to take accountability and apologize for having emotions in a situation where my aunt is dying because evidently it’s never excusable to get angry when you’re pushed. it’s never fine to get upset when someone literally says to you ‘well we’ve all lost people’ when you mention that you’re losing your second mother.
#ooc. o kaptain.#negativity /#[me: well when someone says something like that what are you supposed to do just take it and move on???? my uncle: yeah that’s what life is.#i mean if you’re in the most toxic fucking situation imaginable yeah that sure is what life is?? ‘I’m isolating everyone’ because#when everyone is telling me what to do and refuses to acknowledge my grief. my brother literally asked ‘so when are you supposed to grieve’#and the answer is??? never you’re never supposed to you’re just supposed to traumatize yourself through an event and then wonder why the#grief is suffocating. except because you didn’t… process or talk about any of it? the fact that the concept of family to some extent is#like… share your accomplishments act like you like each other and then go home and live totally separate lives that don’t intersect until#the next holiday or tragedy. and i have been doing this by. my. self. but nah man no ones allowed to have a breaking point.#like you guys wonder why our aunt suddenly died and we all turned around and went OH MY GOSH???? it’s because idk no one encourages healthy#communication in this family. you hold in all your suffering until you fucking die and then everyone acts like it’s a devastating tragedy.]#death /
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even loves bill so so much which is why whenever bill assumes anything about them they go “🙂 yea. that’s true.” they love her. if you love someone, you lie to them.
even also (reluctantly, on his part, to be clear,) loves nardole, but nardole knows a lot more because nardole’s info about even comes through from the doctor. which makes it harder to lie to him. that doesn’t mean they don’t try.
#dw oc#👍 normal guy#they will obviously also do this to the doctor. because. he’s the doctor. he needs to be lied to.#depending on the subject he can smell the bullshit or he swallows it completely because he wouldn’t have thought to ask. but i think either#way he doesn’t. bring it up. at least not for a While. until the tension has built and he lashes out with it.#and the master of course. even tells them everything. if they actually listen. which isn’t always. but why would they bother to lie.#clara also this but it was much more about Correcting her when even could to get on her nerves Especially about doctor info even had and#clara didn’t and they totally were Not mad at or jealous of what she and twelve had going on. because they’re normal.#can’t you tell from them hanging onto missy like a crab in the bucket that they’re so normal
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i have a feeling my mom (who has acted extremely upset + sympathetic about me sweating profusely in my shitty 80+ degree room) is going to tell me that they can’t help me replace my 20+ year old ac unit for $250, even tho they are about to pay Thousands of dollars to replace their central ac bc clearly her needs are more important than mine (when one of my worst and most impactful symptoms is heat intolerance, which makes me dehydrated and even more dizzy and fatigued and i’ve been getting dehydration headaches even tho i’m drinking almost a gallon a day)
#like idk if it’s just the ptsd and i’m psyching myself out for nothing but i don’t feel good abt it#to the point of being extremely anxious abt asking her abt it and not knowing how to approach the convo not angrily#it’s just extremely frustrating bc i 100% Know my stepdad has the money to help me. if he says no it’s literally just bc he doesn’t like me#and cares more abt having retirement money than me not being even more ill and suicidal than i already am#Anyway i’ve been feeling like i’m being hunted for sport all day#and regardless i’m ordering it tomorrow bc i Cannot keep living like this and it’s a basic need#it would just be like half of the money i’ve worked to save up down the drain#and even longer until i can move out which i Desperately need to do at this point#idk man it’s just like. if they don’t offer to even help w Half of the cost i will have lost All trust in Her especially#bc 99% of the time she doesn’t give a single shit what that man thinks. she spends his money Constantly#literally in the past month she spent like $300 on a Bush Trimmer and a Chainsaw#she pays $200 monthly for an art studio that she barely uses#but ah yes my immediate safety and health is too much to ask for. totally understandable#just Extremely maddening when she constantly tells me that she’ll do Anything to help me and was like Why didn’t you tell me sooner????#abt my ac not working#like my brother in christ letting me bring a tower fan up to my room is not going to fix the situation 👍#ventnote
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prev rb shana is def one of those people lmao.
#really enjoys video calling too. generally more tech savvy than you'd expect from a guy born in the 60s but#not a very like. online person though.#so he'll like. always prefer real life meet ups and only call if there's no possibility for the alternative at all#and calling over texting.#and only has a vague idea of the most popular sites while not knowing about the rest at all. he has his texting app something like skype or#zoom his website (not like a blog like a professional website for his work as a surgeon where you can make appointments and such)#and his email application and that's pretty much the extent of his online activity#he wants tangible/physical real life experiences and most online stuff simply doesn’t cut it for him.#so while it definitely influenced him he’d probably be still fairly similar to this if he didn’t grow up in a pre internet environment#but also#very much one of those kids these days need to get off their phones old people lmao#oc: shana#cherry is the total opposite here. way too online and hates calling and especially video calling not just because it’s shana#she hates it in general and he certainly doesn’t intend to help lmao. he likes that about her.#they have an arrangement that if they don’t see each other and she doesn’t want to talk to him over the phone she has to send him a picture#of whatever she’s doing in the moment he requests it.#she has to be in the picture#she’s not allowed to like. move locations or change her appearance and stuff like that.#shana again is a very real life experiences guy and really doesn’t care much for taking pictures and the like#but since it’s a like a snapshot of the current moment it’s different i’d say.#still he’s not the type of person to go back and look at one of those he particularly liked.#he wants the real thing he doesn’t get joy from that. if that makes sense.#but yeah it’s a nice substitute since cherry most often just fully refuses to talk to him on call. he still finds plenty of#situations to force her into it though. since a substitute may be nice but ultimately is not what he really wants.#this is also like. a situation that does not happen very often because they work in the same building and therefore see each other almost#every single day to cherry’s misery. like why am i even thinking about this.#his responses to those pictures range from mildly weird to majorly disturbing btw.#ranging from shit like ‘little angel’ to telling her that what would perfect this moment is her spitting red from her pretty lips. ew!#why am i rambling so much oh my god#help. hi 👋 if you’ve made it this far i’m sending you a virtual cookie enjoy
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“It’ll take you ten minutes.” *two hours later*
#ra speaks#personal#tell me my dad doesn’t have a concept of the linear nature of time without telling me my dad doesn’t have a concept of the linear nature-#sure it might take YOU. who have been doing it for 50 years. ten minutes to plow the driveway w the skid steer#it takes ME. who has never plowed the driveway before and has driven the skid steer a total of two (2) times. all morning.#I’m also pissed bc he’s been sick and is still sick and at least if he stayed home we could make sure he didn’t do anything stupid but noooo#he’s So Much Better he’s going to Work instead :/#I wanted to get work done I haven’t had breakfast I need to do my mmm post but nooooo I’m doing the job he should have stayed home and taken#‘ten minutes’ to do for my whole fucking morning.
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Golden flame danced between her fingers.
Elide recoiled, and the fire vanished as quickly as it had appeared.
"My name is Essar," the female said softly. "I am a friend--of your friends, I believe."
Elide said nothing.
"Cairn is a monster," Essar said, taking a step closer. "Stay far from him."
"I need to find him."
"You played the part of his mistreated lover well enough. You have to know something about him. What he does."
"If you know where he is, please tell me." She wasn't above begging.
Essar ran an eye over Elide. Then she said, "He was in this city until yesterday. Then he went out to the eastern camp." She pointed with a thumb over a shoulder. "He's there now."
"How do you know?"
"Because he's not terrorizing the patrons of every fine establishment in this town, glutting himself on the coin Maeve gave him when he took the blood oath."
Elide blinked. She had hoped some of the Fae might be opposed to Maeve, especially after the battle in Eyllwe, but to find such outright distaste...
Essar then added, "And because my sister--the soldier you spoke with--told me. She saw him in the camp this morning, smirking like a cat."
"Why should I believe you?"
"Because you are wearing Lorcan's shirt, and Rowan Whitethorn's cloak. If you do not believe me, inform them who told you and they will." Elide cocked her head to the side.
Essar said softly, "Lorcan and I were involved for a time."
They were in the midst of war, and had traveled for thousands of miles to find their queen, and yet the tightness that coiled in Elide's gut at those words somehow found space. Lorcan's lover. This delicate beauty with a bedroom voice had been Lorcan's lover.
"I'll be missed if I'm gone for too long, but tell them who I am. Tell them that I told you. If it's Cairn they seek, that is where he shall be. His precise location, I don't know." Essar backed away a step. "Don't go asking after Cairn at other taverns. He isn't well regarded, even amongst the soldiers. And those who do follow him... You do not wish to attract their interest."
Essar made to turn away, but Elide blurted,
"Where did Maeve go?"
Essar looked over her shoulder. Studied her.
The female's eyes widened. "She has Aelin of the Wildfire," Essar breathed.
Elide said nothing, but Essar murmured, "That was... that was the power we felt the other night." Essar swept back toward Elide. Gripped her hands. "Where Maeve went a few days ago, I don't know. She did not announce it, did not take anyone with her. I often serve her, am asked to... It doesn't matter. What matters is Maeve is not here. But I do not know when she will return."
Relief again threatened to send Elide crumpling to the ground. The gods, it seemed, had not abandoned them just yet.
But if Maeve had taken Aelin to the outpost where they'd lied that the Valg prince had been contained...
Elide gripped Essar's hands, finding them warm and dry. "Does your sister know where Cairn resides in the camp?"
For long minutes, then an hour, they had talked.
Essar left and returned with Dresenda, her sister. And in that alley, they had plotted.
Elide finished telling Rowan, Lorcan, and Gavriel what she'd learned. They sat in stunned silence for a long minute.
"Just before dawn," Elide repeated. "Dresenda said the watch on the eastern camp is weakest at dawn. That she'd find a way for the guards to be occupied. It's our only window."
Rowan was staring into the trees, as if he could see the layout of the camp, as if he were plotting his way in, way out.
"She didn't confirm if Aelin was in Cairn's tent, though," Gavriel cautioned. "Maeve is gone--Aelin might be with her, too."
"It's a risk we take," Rowan said. A risk, perhaps, they should have considered.
Elide glanced to Lorcan, who had been silent throughout. Even though it had been his lover who had helped them, perhaps guided by Anneith herself. Or at least had been tipped off by the scent on Elide's clothes.
"You think we can trust her?" Elide asked Lorcan, though she knew the answer.
Lorcan's dark eyes shifted to her. "Yes, though I don't see why she'd bother."
"She's a good female, that's why," Rowan said.
At Elide's lifted brow, he explained, "Essar visited Mistward this spring. She met Aelin." He cut a glare toward Lorcan. "And asked me to tell you that she sends her best."
Elide hadn't seen anything that came close to pining in Essar's face, but gods, she was beautiful. And smart. And kind. And Lorcan had let her go, somehow.
#Chapter 23#Kingdom of Ash#Sarah J. Maas#Elide Lochan#Essar#HoF#Heir of Fire bonus Chapter#TOG series#Throne of Glass series#another great Maasverse enterance — aka one of my favs in these books & this one got me — totally adding the chapter myself when I get HoF#no spoilers please first read to read along with me Pt3 of 4 perspectives w quotes/notes/reacts in tags below spoilers in both post & tags#Elide talking about keeping them safe even if at the prospect of Maeve’s hands which is worse than death yet Aelin did for months😭🖤#Rowans I did 2 weeks-shit-hurry & you didn’t break even when she feels she did-but she literally had Maeve in her head for months & didnt#To shield them from any eyes--those on the ground and above. — the raptors — Elides got a knife ok girl😅😂 but when they halted once more…?#Golden flame danced between her fingers. — AGHHHHHHHHHHHHH#My name is Essar the female said softly. I am a friend--of your friends I believe. — YES YES YES HOLY FUCKING SHIT FIRE WEILDER HOF AH#Cairn is a monster Essar said taking a step closer. Stay far from him. —she doesnt know who she’s just being kind I knew I liked her#how does Maeve not know about her? or does she? is that an issue with the fire? hmm… also does the color change per wielder? we need more!!#If you know where he is please tell me. She wasn't above begging. — for Aelin😭#Because you are wearing Lorcan's shirt and Rowan Whitethorn's cloak. If you do not believe me inform them who told you and they will.#They were in the midst of war and had traveled for thousands of miles to find their queen and yet the tightness that coiled in Elide's gut#I'll be missed if I'm gone for too long but tell them who I am. Tell them that I told you.-cairn u seek he shall be-ok riddler😅#Don't go asking after Cairn at other taverns. He isn't well regarded even amongst the soldiers. — well at least they all agree on that#The female's eyes widened. She has Aelin of the Wildfire Essar breathed. — how did she know? Rowan being there (cuz clearly love)?#Aelin of the Wildfire — the regard That was... that was the power we felt the other night. — what doesn’t matter?#Relief again threatened to send Elide crumpling to the ground. The gods it seemed had not abandoned them just yet.#Just before dawn Elide repeated. Dresenda said the watch on the eastern camp is weakest at dawn.-Dawn?Mala?the sister?! I love Essar!#Lorcan’s ex lovers oh sweet Elide😅😭🖤 then the she’s a good woman&met Aelin that’s why cuz they all luv her&the risk we take&Elides 1 line😂#yet he didn’t let you go Elide TAKE NOTE OF THAT BABES#We all go in. We all go out. — and so they planned…
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i do love my family very dearly but the internalized ableism the men in here struggle with is. so much
#marzi speaks#it’s worse with my brother but he’s doing more to actively work on improving that#my dad however has very subtle internalized ableism that i don’t think he recognizes is there#which is. fun#like earlier. either last night or this morning i don’t remember#i was talking to him about how while ideologically i have nothing against accepting needing help and things like that#in practice it’s very challenging to adjust to being disabled even temporarily. and that if i do end up with a diagnosis that’s gonna be#a lot to handle. both mentally and just with the lifestyle changes i’ll have to make#and he makes a bit of a face and goes ‘i wouldn’t quite call you disabled. i’d just say ‘ill’’#and i just sort of look at him. and i blink. and i go ‘i am physically Un-Able to do things i am normally able to do’#‘i can’t walk long distances at all. i can’t sit in chairs for too long without causing pain’#‘i’ve spent the last 24 hours staring longingly at my computer because i want to draw but am currently Not Able To’#he didn’t argue with me but i can tell he was still unnerved by the idea of picturing his daughter as disabled#also like . illness and disability are not mutually exclusive? several disabilities are or involve chronic illness#i shouldn’t be surprised though. i mentioned considering starting lexapro#and he went on his ‘you’re an adult and it’s your choice in the end but i wouldn’t recommend it’ spiel#(he’s anti-psychiatry bc he doesn’t like the idea of breaking the brain down into smth so purely physical)#(and also doesn’t like the idea of someone being dependent on pills their whole life)#(which i’m giving him some slack on rn bc he is a just-got-clean recovering opoid addict. so)#(btw before any of you say SHIT abt my dad he took his pills legally prescribed for chronic pain and did not abuse them)#(and even if he DID that would give nobody a right to make a moral judgement on him. ok cool)#i then reminded him that my mom takes anti-anxiety meds and they really really helped her#and he just goes ‘true.’ and moves on#king u got some shit to unpack#it’s fine if u didn’t want to start antidepressants when it was recommended to you meds aren’t for everyone#but like come on now. u don’t gotta be so fundamentally against it when literally ur own wife who you adore takes psych meds#anywho my mom handled me making the disability comment much better. she was basically just like ‘ur fear is totally understandable’#‘u have a good support system we’ll help you through it’#which. thanks mom 👍 that was very kind of her to say
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Do you ever have a thought while scrolling your dash and then forget it so you gotta back scroll to find your thought again or is it like, just a me thing
#I was thinking about the WoL being a different guy for every expansion again but also more crucially#I’m re reading Amygdala by Sam Fennah and I’m caught in the time loop. this time the outcome will be different… this is gonna be its own#post actually hold on#day-2-day#edit; changed my mind#anyways my girl did do all that shit wrong but she didn’t deserve it hope that helps xoxo#if I name drop anyone it’ll spoil the story so I’m begging you to read it and then tell me about how I’m not crazy and there’s totally#toxic Yuri potential between Methusa and Winifred. there’s a scene in Bernadette that makes me wanna chomp cables#Bernadette being the music video posted by Sam Fennah on YouTube Pls go watch it I’m unwell#hi sorry it’s not Winifred it’s Locket sorry to women I mixed them up. I’d been looking at Wini earlier and being all 😳🫣🥴
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someone really should be talking about how difficult it is to plan a wedding - a gay wedding - when both of your families fucking suck
#who is talking about this!!!! let me know#idk i have 0 expectations for my family but they still somehow always manage to let me down which#i was anticipating#and i didn’t think i would care because i have never cared before#but liiiiiike.#i wasn’t expecting to feel sad rofl but my family is so fucking flaky. again i KNOW THIS i know i cannot rely on any of them#it’s annoying when i have given them a year and a half to make plans and i have had so many people tell me they would be there#just to back out or ghost or come up with some excuse#like do you know how expensive weddings are 😭 JUST fucking be honest with me and rsvp no#anyway i was very intentional with the few family members i did invite#and specifically invited people i have a rapport with / had a good (ish lol) relationship with growing up#people i have bent over backwards trying to please!!! and dropping everything to help them out#and they can’t even be bothered to communicate with me lol it’s fine. like. i do feel like it’s internalized homophobia at this point#or maybe they have hated me this entire time which is totally plausible#but they KNOW how much ayesha means to me and knows that no one from her family is coming to our wedding#at the end of the day it’s going to be like. 5 people from my family 1 from ayesha’s (her brother) and like 30-40 friends#which i am so grateful for obviously#i sound like such a brat but it’s also like - watching your family continuously choose drugs/alcohol over showing up for you - lol#AGAIN i’m used to this and expected as much but i’m still feeling bad#just rsvp so i can move on with my life please. stop telling me you’re trying to make it work when we both know you aren’t#i have so much more to say but i’m going to sound crazy even though i knooooow it is homophobia like i Know it#i think there are certain people i will finally go no contact with for good after this#which is a freeing thought but i only invited v few family members to begin with. there’s abt to be no one left lmao#probably for the best#ugh whatever#again i can’t help but feel a certain way when they have done more/traveled further for relatives they hardly know#meanwhile i was forced to spend so much of my life living for these people and for them alone#AAAAAAAA i just want to scream#text
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Just a reminder to new artists or anyone feeling down about their art not looking as good as other artists: This is barely two years apart, you’re really not as far away from progress as you think!
#Keep going and keep taking inspiration from other artists#see their styles as a benchmark to strive towards instead of something to be disheartened by.#I believe in you!!#(ノ>ω<)ノ :。・:*:・゚’★。・:*:♪・゚’☆#and when I tell you it didn’t matter what motivates you to strive and improve know I really mean it#my art improvement has been powered by jealousy and pride#and spite#it’s ok to see another artist and your first thoughts be “’duck you for being better than me#I’m gonna be better than you. I’m gonna do it#fucking watch me!’#and then hype that artist up and sing their praises so that they can continue to make their infuriating#wonderful art. so that when you get to their level (and bEAT THEM AT ART!) something totally normal to want and possible to achieve :)#you can know that you did it while that artist was at their very best.#a victory is only a victory if your opponent is at their best after all.#art#drawing#artwork#bunny deku#midoriya izuku#bnha#Deku
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when can i stop getting le sserafim hate tiktoks on my fyp it’s getting old :)
#it’s totally cool to have your opinions and yeah they really didn’t do that great at coachella#but truly what is being an asshole on the internet about it gonna do#‘but its their job to sing and dance at the same time they shouldn’t be bad at it’ ok so don’t buy tickets to go see them idk#if you don’t like smth then don’t consume that media idk what to tell u#i also thought they needed improvement but like some of these people are SO mean and nasty 💀
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an unnecessary reminder i will go to bat any day of the week for james sunderland.
#ooc. o kaptain.#[listen. i know he can be interpreted a lot of ways. i know he’s a useless weird apathetic shitty cis white man. i know he’s weird and sad.#and do I hate characters like james usually? oh absolutely. but the man has potential to not be terrible and it’s all there in his source#material. plus the weird implication i always feel when we know his dad owns the apartment building in silent hill 4 and ‘his son and#daughter in law disappeared in sh’ which aligns with the in water ending. and confirms the body in the car. but my other vibe is… where was#anyone helping james while Mary was sick…? he was super young and so was she. was he just literally taking on this terminal illness on his#own without any real support? that’s the implication considering this trauma wouldn’t have scarred him to this degree if he HAD a support#system during Mary’s illness. the man was literaly left to deal with the love of his life PROBABLY newly married slowly dying. and totally#unprepared he tried to do the best he could with a horrible situation. Mary was the victim here unquestionably — he fucking killed her— but#what the fuck kind of neglect has to go into a situation to a level so prolonged that he cracks and does it? how many people DIDNT help him#OR Mary during her illness? how many people just didn’t care? deciding ‘James is bad and he did it because he’s selfish and terrible’ isn’t#realistic. and also no. he didn’t do it because he couldn’t have sex with her anymore we get it blah blah pyramid head. if you take it THAT#straightforward idk what to tell you. nothing is. and this game is only more complex the older i get.]
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i’m fr gonna lose my mind :)
#been a minute since i’ve ranted in the tags on here hi hello#so i have this friend who is driving me absolutely insane#we’ve been friends for about a year or so and when we first met we clicked right away and got super close and hung out all the time#we met at work but neither of us works there anymore and it feels like our whole friendship is falling apart now that we don’t#i literally have not seen her in person once since the last time we worked together (march)#and even before that we didn’t hang out outside of work since december of last year#and i have grown very used to having friends that just do not put the same amount of effort as me into our friendships and it’s sucks#so i was starting to make my peace with the fact that we just weren’t really friends anymore#but then a few months ago she started texting me asking me to hang out all the time and she seemed way more like her old self#and immediately i got sucked back in and was all excited to see her again and have her back in my life fully#but she completely flaked on me three times in a row (not even cancelling our plans but waiting until the next day to give me an excuse)#which like i said i’m unfortunately used to but she literally was the one who invited ME to hang out every time#like why are you initiating plans with me and then ignoring my calls and texts when it comes time to actually hang out#then a few weeks ago she texted me again saying we should go to a concert together bc we hadn’t in a long time#and there happens to be a concert i’ve been wanting to go to on the 31st but had no one to go with#she said she was totally in and really excited and i bought the tickets a couple days later and texted her to tell her i had#got zero response for almost a week and then she texted me yesterday saying we should hang out this week#so i said yeah let’s do it but also this concert is literally in 2 days are you still coming with me#and no response! again! so now i have 2 days to try and find someone else who can go last minute bc it seems unlikely that she will#and i’m just so fucking confused bc why do YOU keep reaching out to ME just to flake out at the last minute every single time#like at this point it feels like she’s doing it on purpose just to see if i’ll keep tolerating her bullshit#and part of me wants to just cut her off bc she’s been a terrible friend to me for months at this point#but i can’t bring myself to do it bc i miss her so much anyway and when our friendship was good it was really fucking good#like i considered this girl one of my best friends and now it feels like she’s just playing games with me bc she’s bored#which sucks extra bc last year she was there for me when literally none of my long time friends were#like it’s bad enough that it seems like our friendship was conditional on us being coworkers#but it hurts more and more every time she reappears in my life just to ghost me again like genuinely why would you do that#so i’m really upset and pissed off rn and i have no idea wtf to do about the concert bc idk anyone else who likes the artist enough to go#vent#lj.txt
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like, I still think it’s sort of weird that Shonda Rhimes bought the rights to the Bridgerton novels, did a mediocre job at adapting the material and also kinda ruined one of the most popular pairings from the books in the process, and then proceeded to hyperfixate on her own OC to the point of creating a spin-off in which the central romance is about two members of a very white, slave-owning, racist and imperialist institution that could only maintain power through the exploitation of people of color all over the world, but now the protagonist is a black woman who’s about to end racism in 1700s Great Britain through the power of Love
#i just… genuinely think it’s weird is all#like she totally didn’t have to do any of that#she could’ve easily pulled a still star crossed and say ‘this is the world; it is diverse; deal with it’#and it totally would’ve worked#but now shonda is explicitly asking me to think of the implications so i AM thinking of the implications#and the implications are HORRIBLE#you mean to tell me one of the richest and most influential women of the time is sitting on her ass obsessing over gossip#while thousands of black people are being kidnapped and sold as slaves in america#what is going on in the whole continent of africa??? or in countries like india or china???#is charlotte like ‘oh well those poor people of africa sure have it rough and my kingdom is directly reaping the benefits of that oppression#but also my hubby just gave a bunch of non-white people from london noble titles#so that’s it <3 systemic racism is over <33#now back to lady whistledown’#bc that would make her… y’know… a shitty person….#and before anyone goes ‘it’s fiction it’s not that serious’#i know but shonda IS directly asking me to think about it with this show so! i! will!#anyways i’ll still watch the whole thing because i have no backbone whatsoever but…. i will have thoughts about it#also for anyone wondering the pairing that was ruined is obviously polin#and kanthony to an extent which is criminal if you ask me#i mean rmb is still my favorite jq book so i’m still somewhat looking forward seeing season 3#but like. penelope. look how they massacred my girl#…..oh wow i went overboard with the tags. but i’m right#queen charlotte#bridgerton#queen charlotte a bridgerton story#bridgerton books#julia quinn#stfu pam
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Getting fucked over by the narrative gotta be my favorite form of pain and suffering
#How do I convince people to watch a show where teen girls who just want to do teen girl stuff and go to nationals#but then shit happens and suddenly there’s a cult but their god is just a girl and she tries to tell them she is just a girl and#they are starving so they HAVE to eat and the girlfriends have a fight and she kinda died but like the wilderness chose and#I am so normal about this show it totally didn’t change my life narrative and become my hyper fixation#oh Nat taisa van and Lottie the characters you are !!! misty and Shauna too#Anyways watch Yellowjacket’s PLEASE I need to speak about it !!!!!!!!!!#this is about yellowjackets but literally about anything and everything else too#yellowjackets#I watched this in like. a day. I am sick. I need ten more seasons
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