#total absurdity

[pollywiltse]

Evidently the real John Graves Simcoe has the same birthday as Benjamin Tallmadge, which means I'm pretty sure he also gets to join my collection of Pisces who don't bear any resemblance to the personality Pisces are supposed to have. The Pisces that I either know or know of include Bugsy Siegel; Wyatt Earp; Wyatt Earp's younger brother that no one cares about who died in a gun fight and no one was sad because he had a nasty temper; my former coworker who I had this bisexual Statler and Waldorf thing going on with; another coworker who is only not the most pedantic human being on the planet because there is so much competition (and who my half-sister inexplicably thought I was engaged to even though 1) no and 2) he's got a wife and three kids); George Washington; Benjamin Tallamdge; and evidently John Graves Simcoe, none of whom are dreamy and sensitive romantics. (Though I guess Simcoe wrote poetry about how much he loved his wife?) It's spectacularly consistent.

If I read about historical figures, I have to go and figure out what their zodiac signs are so I know which wedding dress Vogue thinks they should wear. Taurus turns out to get depressingly boring clothes most of the time, but there was some "Which swimsuit should you wear based on your zodiac sign" that gave Pisces the most hideous crocheted bikini which would not look good on anyone no matter how attractive they are, so mentally photoshopping George Washington's head on that model was a delight.

I found (and lost) a website a while ago that let you calculate someone's horoscope going back to at least 1750, and I'm ignoring the question of how Old Style vs New Style dates affect this and whether this random website is calculating for it because I don't care that much. Anyway John André was a Taurus sun, Pisces moon, and evidently you need time of birth to figure out rising sign so who knows that one. ("Taurus governs the neck." Well, this is awkwardly on the nose.)

[lotus-pear]

charm stat at debonair ‼️‼️

[mintaikkcorpse]

I fuck hard with Asexual Venom, but the idea of Venom, an alien whose species doesn't breed sexually and don't have concepts of sex, being sexually attracted to some boring sad and sweaty white guy he picked up on the streets is just so funny to me

[alexisabirdie]

[transingthebourgeoisie]

Nuclear Bombs, famously weapons that aren't designed to detonate thousands of feet above their targets so as to maximize damage.

[frigidlyauthorial]

also obsessed that both outie and innie marks' plans hinged on the other one just figuring out the next step on the spot

[strwbrryfire]

we as a society do not talk about oscar piastri's ass enough. it's literally in his name. piAsstri. are you seeing this shit

[mrfancyfoot]

I headcanon that Raphael is all about cheesy, romantic things (for better or worse). Being the visage of a perfect gentleman. Swooping in as the gallant, princely savior. Being chosen over other suitors.

He'd shower you in roses and gifts. He'd set up scenarios for himself to be the hero. He'd meticulously take note of little things he notices about you through direct interaction or spying to exploit later. Obsessively writing about you in his little diary from bed while giddily kicking his feet.

Those gifts might be finery (perhaps taken from some unfortunate soul), questionable poetry, and the heart of your enemy, but any way you cut it, everything is about showing off his prowess, his status, his ability to provide, and why he's better. He likes his complex games and the slow pursuit.

I think he'd be pretty devoted if only to maintain that image of being perfect. At least while his focus is on you. He might have some dumpster fires behind curtains, don't look there.

The mortal part of him may even crave true affection, devotion, and a coy, storybook courtship. Very much a "only soft for" vibe. That he can slowly corrupt. He'd love someone who could match a lot of his energy and ambition. Someone he can show off and have on his arm.

It could also explain why he (at least publicly) dresses more conservatively and akin to a human noble instead of like many other cambions and devils. While it probably helps disarm his targets to look more like a human noble when they first meet him, he could also enjoy the romantics it allows (he's into a lot of mortal things despite his denial of his own mortal blood). I have a related pet theory that his comfort with mortals/mortal things may come from being raised or forced to live in the Material Plane for at least a time. He really likes lullabies.

Would he be a good lover in bed? That is up to anyone's interpretation but I personally think it's likely that there isn't much love between him and Haarlep and not many probably match up to the standards of an experienced incubus (one of these days I'll go on my spiel about Haarlep). Haarlep's a cheeky devil themself. At the very least, Raphael probably thinks himself fantastic in bed and a perfectly giving lover (even if he's not).

He'd be the big, evil devil guarding the gilded cage he's put his beloved in from do-gooders and the covetous.

[sparring-spirals]

I was initially clipping this to capture the overwhelmingly accurate, absolutely devastating hilarity of "you went for realistic, and sadly, you nailed it". And then just kept recording because I really fucking love the discussion about how to balance the line between like:

You are trying to tell a story that feels good and gives you the kind of lift you might be looking for in an explicitly fantasy story,

vs

How to ensure it still feels grounded and rewarding in a way where you can "bring this good feeling back to earth" at the end.

Like they're talking about TTRPG's but they clearly make parallels to other forms of storytelling/worldbuilding mediums, like movies, and. like. Yeah. Yeah.

Like the framing of "you really recreated the feeling of powerlessness..." and wanting the fantasy element to manifest in there being the clearer, straightforward ways to solve complex issues, vs trying to ensure that you can have a victory and it feels feasible and substantial and applicable in some way, and has something you can take out of the fantasy world and hold with you back on "terra firma".

Its tricky! Its a tricky thing to balance, and I don't think there's a single "right" answer nor should there be because it depends. It depends on the story, and the intent, and the setting, and the medium, and etc. Big fan of this framework to explain it.

[khaotunq]

Delighted to report a fully clothed Namtan Tipnaree comedically spanking a fully clothed First Kanaphan has flustered tumblr staff/content bots.

[sableeira]

hiii long time no art and I’m late but I’m not immune to skk 109 angst

[bikefuckersoftheworldunite]

<3

[chiosblog]

Face feeling the gay panic™

Happy Pride Faceman!

[misty-scatorccio]

what if i said they had potential

[alienoriana]

We were growing, time was going so fast Without knowing, we were growing up fast We were lying down, in the shade I remember the love we made We were lying down, on the bed I remember the tears we shared

[mad-hunts]

so, good afternoon, my beautiful mutuals! i just wanted to say hello and that i hope you're having a wonderful tuesday thus far ❤️ i recently got some very UHHH. unusual brainworms making me very tempted to add an obscure batman rogue to my multi and honestly, i am inclined to listen to the PARASITES on this one because the amount of camp the ten-eyed man from the order of the world exhibits makes him iconic in + of himself, i think JSJSJ LOL no, but really, look at this guy and tell me you don't think he's weird but also fun:

like the bedazzling on his headpiece AND his leggings? totally unnecessary, but also, VERY fabulous admittedly JSJSJ LOL. but anyways, if i were to add him to my silly little multi @stage-set, would anyone interact with him? :D in any case though... make sure to eat and drink lots of water, y'all!! ILY 💕