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[saint--claire]

When I was a little child, there was a particular library book I checked out week after week, endlessly renewing it as much as I was able. The book, How to Raise and Keep a Dragon by John Topsell was a quasi-nonfiction guide to, as you guessed, rearing different species of dragons. I loved it. Tiny-me had plans.

As an adult, I tried to buy it a few times. No dice. The book was so old that no mainstream bookseller stocked it. Even when I tried niche websites recommended by various booksellers and librarians, I still couldn't find it. It was sadly lost to time, apparently not popular enough to make it into the archives.

But.

My best friend had a copy of that book. We're going to call her G, for several reasons not relevant at the moment. I was discussing my search with G one day, for some reason I can't remember now. She got a funny look on her face, asked me a few questions about the cover, listened to me do a very poor job of explaining with my hands how the hardcover copy had included a real gemstone in the dragon's forehead, and then went off to fish it out of her bookcase.

I was Gobsmacked.

I should not have been, given that the history of shared childhood books between us both would have made a circle with ragged edges, more so than a venn diagram, but I digress. The book came home to live in my house for a few months, and I was delighted by the chance to read it again.

Do people remember those type of books? Dragonology, Egyptology, The Stone Age - a way of introducing children to non fiction. They very earnestly spoke about the responsibilities needed to raise dragons, the practicalities involved. There was a record of registration you could fill out, if you had carefully considered the information to your self and felt you were responsible enough to to go through with adopting a dragon.

I vaguely remember filling out some of the riddle and puzzle questions in the Dragonology books. I would never have written in John Topsell's book, it was a library book.

But.

When I re-read G's copy at home, smiling over the familiar artwork, I was surprised to turn the page and find the painstaking, somewhat-wonky handwriting staring back at at me. Baby G, with her name spelled out in freshly-joined but still-not-quite-got-the-hang-of-this-yet cursive lettering. Baby G had filled the registration out in her best handwriting, in glittery green gel pen to denote the importance of the document. This was compared to the earlier, less important checklists done in plain black ink.

I read the registration certificate. Smiled. Smiled some more at the names listed for G's dragon, her dam, and her sire - Eragon was also a great book. Go off, Christopher Paolini.

Breed; standard Western Dragon. The box 'miniture' was ticked, to show that G's dragon was of the minature specic variety, rather than a full size dragon. This was, as she would later explain to me, chosen on the basis that baby-G felt it was the more financially responsible choice. Also so she could keep her dragon in her house with her, but we're not there yet.

I looked at that certificate. Looked at it again. Looked at the calendar, and then looked at the sewing machine I had just been given for Christmas.

G celebrates her birthday in January.

The template came first. I studied the different images of the standard western dragon through the book, picked my favourite, and re-drew it to a significantly larger scale.

Inking the design to the fabric, four times over probably took the longest.

I very subtly asked G the next time she was over (after hurling all dragon-related materials in a panic into the depths of my wardrobe) what type of colour dragon she would have, should it come up. As G later said, that type of question from me truly did not register as anything other than a question asked from theoretical interest. I transitioned the topic as discreetly as I could after she answered, and delightfully, my sneakiness went in one ear, out the other, and she forgot I had ever asked until several weeks later.

I enjoyed painting them.

Don't ask me how many mistakes I made through this process. So many. I do already know how to sew, but it's been a long time. I'd been meaning to get back into it for a while.

Given that various aunts and grandmothers and my mother had a knack for calling when I was up to my elbows in either paint or pins, it became a family affair. Each of them peered at the project through face time and offered their advice.

Some of the advice I took, some I didn't. No regrets about sewing it in pink thread. Considerable regrets about accidentally slicing one of the feet in half and having to fix that.

In the end though, she was finished.

I carefully pinned on her name tag, with the name baby-G had chosen with a little blue ribbon. A collar was unacceptable, this is a dragon, people, come on. Dragon's don't wear collars.

I put the book in the box, open to the registration certificate, and put the dragon on top. Wrapped the whole thing up with a bow and then refused to touch it before I sent myself mad trying to fix details that didn't really need to be fixed.

A bit late for her birthday, sure, but there we are. We'd gone for a trip off to nowhere for a weekend, to go try wine made out of blueberries and hike up a waterfall. (And climb on it. And swim in it. It was a very good waterfall).

I gave her the box, informed her she wasn't allowed to keep the box, just the contents (it was the only thing I had that was big enough for me to keep all of my A3 portfolios in, it had only been temporarily-repurposed as dragon housing), and then left the next bit up to the gods.

A surprise, sitting un-awaited for some 15 years in amber, to catch up to baby G and adult G together.

Happy Birthday, baby and adult G.

[secretgaygentdanvers]

my controversial book opinion is that there are too many rounds of editing every book goes through now, not from the writer but from editors, agents advice, etc... some of my favourite moments in older books would never see the sun nowadays but they're my favourite because they're literally insane and barely work but are kinda fun and bold

[thewisecheerio]

The historical record proves that people have always been weird.

I started reading a bestiary originally published in 1608 on Serpents, only to be met with the following information regarding dragons: 1) Dragons love wilde Lettice, but cannot abide apples, and 2) ye olde Rule 34 jumpscare dragon/human porn. From 1608.

They greatly preserve their health (as Aristotle affirmeth) by eating of wilde Lettice, for that they make them to vomit, and cast forth of their stomach whatsoever meat offendeth them, and they are most specially offended by eating of Apples, for their bodies are much subject to be filled with winde, and therefore they never eat Apples, but first they eat wilde Lettice. Their sight also (as Plutarch saith) doth many times grow weak and feeble, and therefore they renew and recover the same again by rubbing their eyes against Fennel, or else by eating of it. (Page 706)

There was a Dragon the lover of Aetholis(?) (as Plutarch writeth) who came unto her every night, and did her body no harm, but gently sliding over her, played with her till morning, then also would he depart away assoon as light appeared, that he might not be espyed. The Maidens friends came to the knowledge hereof, and so removed her far away, to the intent the Dragon might come no more at her: and thus they remained asunder a great while, the Dragon earnestly seeking for the Maiden, wandered far and neer to finde her out. At last he met with her, and not saluting her gently as he was wont, flew upon her, binding her hands down with the spire of his body, hissing softly in her face, and beating gently with his tail her back-parts, as it were taking a moderate revenge upon her, for the neglect of his love by her long absence. (page 709)

There is also a section on scorpion necromancy, which includes a line implying that spitting on them will kill them if you are thirsty enough:

By touch of Hen-bane they lie dead and overcome, but if one touch them again with white Ellebore, they revive, and are released from their former stupefaction. It is also said that the leaves of water-mallowes do also astonish Scorpions, and so also doth the Radish-root. The Sea-crab with Basil in her mouth destroyeth the Scorpion, and so doth Tunicle and Mushroom of trees. To conclude, the spittle of a man is death unto Scorpions; and therefore when a certain fellow took upon him to be a cunning Charmer, and by incantation to kill a Scorpion, he added to the words of his Charm a treble spitting in the mouth of the Serpent, and so it dyed: whereupon Wolphius which was present, and saw this Charmer, did afterward by himself alone at home, make triall of spittle without a Charm, and so found that it alone killeth Scorpions, especially the spittle of a man fasting, or very thirsty. Moreover, there be certian Lands wherein no Scorpions will live, as that about Clupea in Africk, and the dust of the Island Gaulus neer Cercina, being sprinkled upon a Scorpion, doth incontinently kill it. ANd so much also writeth Hermolaus, of the Region Galatha. (Page 755)

Getting stung in the lower half of your body will produce an erection, while being stung in the upper half will produce symptoms of cold and heat and "slimy" tears. (By the way, the first part can actually happen, it's just not exclusive to lower-half body stings!)

...But yet (as we have already said) there is a difference of the pain, according to the difference of the Scorpion that stingeth. If a man be stung in the lower part of his body, instantly followeth the extension of his virile member, and the swelling thereof: but if in the upper part, then is the person affected with cold, and the place smitten is as if it were burned, his countenance or face distorted, glewish spots about the eyes, and the tears viscous and slimy, hardnesse of the articles, falling down of the fundament, and a continuall desire to egestion, foaming at the mouth, coughing, convulsions of the brain, and drawing the face backward, the hair stands upright, palenesse goeth over all the body, and a continuall pricking like the pricking of needles. (Page 756)

There is also a section on sea serpents that seems to depict reports of oceanic cryptids:

There be also in the Swevian Ocean or Balthick sea, Serpents of thirty or forty foot in length, whose picture is thus described, as it was taken by Olaus Magnus, and he further writeth, that these do never harm any man untill they be provoked. [Photo] The same Author also expresseth likewise the figure of another Serpent, of a hundred and twenty foot long, appearing now and then upon the coasts of Norway, very dangerous and hurtfull to the Sea-men in calms and still weather, for they lift up themselves above the hatches, and suddenly catch a man in their mouths, and so draw him into the Sea out of the Ship: and many times they overthrow in the water a laden Vessel of great quantity, with all the wares therein contained. And sometimes also they set up such a spire above the water, that a Boat or little Bark without sayls may passe through the same. And thus much for the Sea-serpents. (Page 761)

You can find the entire manuscript here at the Internet Archive in its 1658 collected works form, which contains both bestiaries on four-footed creatures from 1607 and serpents from 1608:

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