#topical HRT save me

[tpup]

T doesn't do much to me besides kind of level emotional spikes and give me some more energy day to day. These are worthwhile but it is frustrating to have been on & off for almost 4 years now with naught to show. It made my dick fatter and my voice lower and then said okay that's enough masculization for you

[spiderfreedom]

my suffering is profound and legitimate, yours is frivolous nonsense

Just reading a blogger I like but I had to laugh because she was talking about how beauty practices are bad for women's mental health, and she left a note saying "unlike gender affirming care! gender affirming care improves people's mental health and it's nothing at all like cosmetic practices."

TIL, when an older woman gets botox to remove her wrinkles and avoid facing the inevitability of decline and death, her problem is spiritual/structural and she needs to Do The Work to deprogram her ageism, unlike people with dysphoria, who of course have legitimate claims to cosmetic alteration.

And it is cosmetic - no part of the body that is altered by HRT or SRS or any of the feminization/masculinization surgeries is failing to function or functioning poorly. The problem is with the brain, which perceives the body parts as foreign or undesirable. We may sympathize with someone struggling with such a condition, but that does not change that the body parts being altered were already healthy and the alterations are cosmetic, and the relief being brought about is mental.

But plenty of trans people openly admit that separating body dysmorphia and gender dysphoria is a losing game. Contrapoints's video on "Beauty" (transcript) has the observation that she feels least dysphoric when she is meeting feminine beauty norms:

But I also think that trans people often talk like gender dysphoria is this intrinsic, personal experience that's always 100% valid and never has anything at all to do with the external pressure of beauty standards. But in fact, gender dysphoria is not sealed away in a vacuum away from the influence of societal ideals and norms.  [...] When I try to psychoanalyze myself, I find that my desires to look female, to look feminine, and to look beautiful are not exactly the same, but they're woven together so tightly that it's kind of difficult to untangle them. And the opposite is also true, that for me feeling mannish or dysphoric usually goes along with feeling ugly. I don't have a lot of days where I walk out the house thinking "well, I'm giving femme queen realness, but apart from that I look like absolute shit". 

Max Robinson's book "Detransition," from an FTM perspective, points out how the prospective trans man views his suffering as unique from and distinct from women's, even as the surgeries they seek are not especially different:

The stereotypical cosmetic surgery patient is seeking to become closer to being perfectly feminine - she wants to be beautiful. Transitional cosmetic surgery, on the other hand, is widely understood to mark the patient as ex-female and therefore unfemale; this is part of the meaning FTMs seek to create through surgery. FTM desire for cosmetic surgery is positioned as something totally different than the stereotype of a woman who 'merely' seeks beauty at her frivolous leisure. FTMs are deemed to have a rare affliction that needs urgent, life-saving treatment. Conversely, there is nothing more common than for a woman to become obsessed with her socially-deemed 'unsatisfactory' looks and desperately seek to change them, believing that such a change is the only thing that can restore her quality of life. This comparison will feel like an insult to the FTM. It will feel that way because we believe other women's suffering doesn't matter, and recognize how much ours does. Women's suffering is ordinary but ours is extraordinary. For us to matter, we must be differentiated from the silly little woman who wants to be pretty so badly she'll pay thousands of dollars (now billable to credit cards and loan programs designed to pay for elective surgeries!) to risk her life and health. These women don't need to be fixed; we do. FTMs know that we don't deserve a woman's fate but have not yet realized that no woman does.

I have more to write on the topic of the relationship between gender identity and beauty culture, but I'll end this one here. It makes sense that somebody who is identified with the opposite sex would also be affected by the standards of beauty expected of that sex. (Non-binary identification is more complicated and requires separate treatment.)

[postmoderntongues]

JK Rowling took on the fucking entire Christian church and yall really think some NEETs with Splat brand hairdye and crooked crusty lip rings wearing hot topic fashion from back when Nine Inch Nails was still putting out albums who need to do something performative lest they be forced to cut off their own skin to remove their children's book related tattoos like disgraced MS13 members and are now forced to rely on Meyers-Briggs and Astrology and Kink Orientation quizzes to replace their sorting hat fantasy draft pick as the cornerstone of their personality are going to frighten her into silence by looking up her publicly available address on line and posing like 70's gay suburban theater kids attempting to play menacing street toughs in a West Side Story remake would pose in front of her locked gate?

Do you think rape threats from somebody whose HRT regiment has prevented them from achieving an erection even with chemical assistance in the past quarter decade is scarier than being told that you are an agent of the devil and going to spend eternity burning in hell for corrupting children?

Conservative Christian groups called in bomb threats at showings of the first movie. I didn't read it mostly because I don't like fantasy and even in 1st grade detested Deus Ex Machina so I didn't put up a fight about them being off limits (plus I had better taste like Shadow Children and Series of Unfortunate Events and Dear America and Goosebumps and Demonata) but was not permitted to watch the films until 4th grade at a library program after a long talk with my pastor about how the movies contained subliminal messages to convince me to forsake Jesus and glorified witchcraft.

To put this in perspective, this was AFTER Id seen the movies American History X, Requiem For A Dream, A Clockwork Orange, Full Metal Jacket, Saving Private Ryan, The freddy/jason/Chucky movies, Schindlers List, Eraserhead, Dawn Of The Dead, Pink Floyd's The Wall, Goodfellas, The Godfather, The Green Mile, Blue Velvet, Trainspotting, Creepshow, Gremlins, Real war and non-mainstream news crime footage, and finally either months or weeks after my stone shell of desensitization was shattered by Happy Tree Friends. My going to the library to watch the first few harry potter movies were my first attempt at consuming any form of unfamiliar media since the happy tree friends incident and it was treated significantly more heavily than my first on screen extended rape scene (which I want to say was Last house on the Left because my dad is a big Craven fan but could have also been ACO or Pink Floyds The Wall) like watching this movie about a nerdy kid with a magic wand at a magic school having impossible fantasy adventures was a significant danger to the sanctity of my Christian soul but I was immune to any damage or discomfort the "Singing In The Rain" scene might have caused

My church protested the opening of the first movie. i was there. i held a sign. We did the same thing for The Golden Compass. I promise that the stern German man who used to beat my hands with a piece of wood for having cognitive impairments and thinks he's losing a soul every time somebody walks by him to buy a ticket is a lot scarier than a Policule of they/thems who think you want to hunt trans women for sport because you don't think lesbians should be morally obligated to interact sexually with cocks.

People have been burned alive and hung and crushed with rocks for witchcraft by Christians. Be-Gendered millennials with social science degrees throw glitter "bombs" and call you mean names that they made up for people who disagree with them and then write a thinkpiece for a microblog that 15 people read the first paragraph and a half of.

Anyway Rowling has always been one of my least favorite authors she was dethroned by Meyer in Junior High but her work was shoved so hard down my throat growing up and I was so not feeling it and really don't like her writing but as a person shes pretty fucking based

[ash-and-books]

Rating: 3.5/5

Book Blurb:

To save his family's failing funeral home—and his own chance at a queer love story—a reluctant clairvoyant must embrace the gift he long ignored in this poignant and tender debut. “Part romance, part ghost story, part Jewish family epic, Rules for Ghosting is a meditation on life, death, and healing that is at turns bitingly funny and deeply moving. Shelly Jay Shore is an immense talent.”—Anita Kelly, author of Love & Other Disasters Ezra Friedman sees ghosts, which made growing up in a funeral home complicated. It might have been easier if his grandfather’s ghost didn’t give him scathing looks of disapproval as he went through a second, HRT-induced puberty, or if he didn’t have the pressure of all those relatives—living and dead—judging every choice he makes. It’s no wonder that Ezra runs as far away from the family business as humanly possible.

But when the floor of his dream job drops out from under him and his mother uses the family Passover seder to tell everyone she’s running off with the rabbi’s wife, Ezra finds himself back in the thick of it. With his parents’ marriage imploding and the Friedman Family Memorial Chapel on the brink of financial ruin, Ezra agrees to step into his mother’s shoes and help out . . . which means long days surrounded by ghosts that no one else can see.

And then there’s his unfortunate crush on Jonathan, the handsome funeral home volunteer . . . who just happens to live downstairs from Ezra’s new apartment . . . and the appearance of the ghost of Jonathan’s gone-too-soon husband, Ben, who is breaking every spectral rule that Ezra knows.

Because Ben can speak. He can move. And as Ezra tries to keep his family together and his heart from getting broken, he realizes that there’s more than one way to be haunted—and more than one way to become a ghost.

Review:

Ezra can see ghosts... and when he starts seeing the ghost of the dead husband of the guy he's currently crushing on while dealing with the financial issues, his family's funeral home business, and family drama... it's definitely going to be a complicated time. This was a really soothing story about a family drama and a trans character who can see ghosts with a touch of romance, healing, and grief. There was so much happening in this book and I did appreciate that the story dealed with love, loss, and family all while discussing Jewish culture. It's a really warm read overall and deals with a lot of heavy topics. It's nice but not exactly what I was expecting and felt a bit slow. However it was an nice read overall and one that I would recommend to others. Ezra is an interesting character and I did enjoy his friend group so much. The romance was very light and the rep was fantastic.

Release Date: August 20,2024

Publication/Blog: Ash and Books (ash-and-books.tumblr.com)

*Thanks Netgalley and Random House Publishing Group - Ballantine | Dell for sending me an arc in exchange for an honest review*

[eva-does-its-best]

No, honestly, sorry for sounding like an entitled first world bitch, I know I have it better than most people, but I'm not gonna shut up and act like I am happy with my country's gender services.

WHY THE FUCK ARE THE ONLY HRT OPTIONS BINARY?! There are other hormone regimes for different kinds of wanted or expected results, but they don't want to look into them, and I know they can look into them because it has been done in other areas of the country!! Oh you have a penis here have estrogen and blockers. Oh you have a vagina, have T. BITCH YOU'RE NOT EVEN TRYING, you thought you'd just have to prescribe the same shit to a couple people ez job ez money well sorry to break your bubble but now you have hundreds of people each with unique wants and needs and you are not fulfilling them at all!! Not that it is your job, no, I'm not that naive, your job is to follow orders and keep us alive while we are there.

You're not there to provide us the services we need, you are there as a political façade to act like they care for us, while not even trying to understand us. I see the faces you make and I hear the tone in your voice when someone wants to change administration method, when someone wants to start prog. You're not our father, keep your thoughts to yourself, we don't need protection we need information and I have seen the way you give it, absolutely blown out of proportion negatives, a classical legal way of saving your ass in the unlikely scenario that something goes wrong.

And don't get me started on the topic of surgeries cause that just makes me FURIOUS. Sure I am glad we have the basic ones covered for free, penile inversion, phaloplasty, masectomy, etc... a lot of people are fine with that, that is what they want, but FFS what about the rest!!! What about the different kinds of top surgery, what about PPV instead of penile inversion, what about Penis preserving PPV, what about genital nulification!!!?

Oh I know, they want a world in which our needs are simply turn penis into vagina, turn vagina into penis¿?, more boob, less boob, more feminine face... cause they can justify it by saying we need it, oh poor us, poor trans people, they need their pussy to not kill themselves. But they can't and don't want to justify anything out of the binary, specially since it would cost them more money.

WELL THEY CAN GO CRY ABOUT IT, PISS, SHIT AND CUM MAYBE, SURGERIES COST TO MOST PEOPLE A LIFETIME OF SAVINGS, GUESS WHAT, WE ARE TIRED OF THE WORD NEED, WE ARE TIRED OF JUSTIFYING EVERYTHING IN OUR LIVES, NOW THE WORD WE SHOUT IS WANT, NOT NEED, WANT. YOU WON'T GET AWAY WITH MINIMAL SERVICES FOREVER.

[thorne1435]

I have been on feminizing HRT for one year.

I mean, as I write this, the anniversary is about 5 days away, but I'm queuing it for the exact day, so you will be reading this on my anniversary at the earliest.

I feel the need to say something either to inspire other trans women to go get HRT (seriously go to Planned Parenthood they'll just give you hormones, no referrals. it's great. the informed consent model really saved my life), or to document my changes for pseudo-scientific purposes (this isn't a valid scientific source or anything, I just like to be open about it for information's sake). Either way, uh, let's talk about it!

This post isn't going to be strictly not-safe-for-work or anything, but because anatomical topics are often seen as NSFW, I would read this as if it's a smutfic, if I were you.

Obviously the first big change that everyone thinks of is breast development. I'm not gonna lie to you here, it's not like I got D cups, but I started at the age of 19 so it's not going to be phenomenal for me either way. With that knowledge in mind, I'd say I made out pretty well. I don't know exact sizing or anything, but it's noticeable to the point where I actually have to go out of my way to hide them when I am trying to present as a man around people I can't be out to. I can tell you that I was wearing a padded bra to pass better at work when they hadn't grown yet, and I'm at the point now where they are naturally the size that the (relatively dismal) padding had made them. So that's gotta mean something. I still don't have a lot of the vocabulary that a cis woman would have to describe these things yet, so uh...that's all I can do for you, as a description.

The first change that I noticed, though, was actually within the first week or so, which almost makes me think I hallucinated it, but I remember distinctly being shocked that my skin was already way softer and clearer, which is bizarre! I don't actually remember what it felt like before, but obviously I did at the time, and it was rougher, I remember that much. Not the case anymore! It's such a small detail that it can very quickly fade from your memory entirely, and that's kind of inspiring to me, even though I know it won't work that way for everything else, it's just nice that some parts of my boyhood are just gone forever (as long as i stay on the hormones).

The big change that might discourage some women from getting hormones is genital shrinking. And as I understand it there aren't many ways to avoid that, because suppressing testosterone just has that effect on the male body, but based on my early experiences with the reduced sex drive that is also present when you suppress testosterone, ask for Progesterone when you get started, because it helps a lot, especially with some of the more socially-inconvenient aspects of your hormonal change. There are also some T-blockers that supposedly don't have this issue, like for example Bicalutamide, but if you're going to get Bicalutamide, you're going to be on the standard, "years of referral and bureaucracy" tract, so...y'know, don't hold your breath on that one, it'll take you a long time. I'm fine now though. About a month after I added progesterone to my treatment plan I was back to normal sex drive and everything was fine. Of course, what I mean to say is that the shrinkage has stopped because of the return of my sex drive. It doesn't work that way for everybody, and I thought for sure it wouldn't work that way for me, but if you end up being like me, you could probably minimize the collateral by just asking for prog outright instead of waiting like I did.

Smaller change that makes me infinitely less suicidal and demoralized: my body hair has changed colors! That should be enough of a reason for every transfem to go out and get HRT right now, I mean it! It's so relieving. I remember when I was, like, "Officially Trans" (at least at work) but not on HRT, I used to get distracted by how my arms looked, especially when I was sitting in the sunlight and it was obvious, because the darkness of the hair felt so disgustingly masculine to me that it made me think I had no hope of ever passing as feminine to anyone. And obviously that was wrong: I was able to pass as feminine without hiding my arms at least once or twice before HRT (though to be fair I did not try often). But regardless of that, the fact that I don't spiral into anxiety and self-loathing every time I'm in the sunlight without a coat on anymore is probably the best change so far, all things considered. And I grew tits! So that's saying something, I think.

This body-hair change doesn't apply to my beard in quite the same way. I always had a really good beard as a man and a lot of people liked it and thought it looked great (I did not shave often enough I looked terrible, but I did kinda make it work I guess), it was a deep orange-red color which has now brightened out to that vague off-white blonde, pseudo-translucent color that your smaller peach fuzz hairs have. There are a lot of upsides to that, but there are some limitations to the effects. For example, even though I don't have to worry about stubble as much, when I don't shave it's still fairly noticeable if you're looking. The texture also hasn't changed, it's still very coarse. And this is a source of some dysphoria for me personally, because I don't like that I have a beard at all. Nothing to be done about that, of course, and I sort of think that's a "for good" thing? Even if I had the money for hair removal procedures a lot of them only work if you are pale-skinned and dark-haired, just for physical reasons. At least, last I checked. And while I am very pale-skinned I am not dark-haired. And, well...that's fine, it's whatever. It's fine...I'll just shave forever i guess its cool...its...its whatever... no its fine really im fine. its okay. im fine.

its fine.

Another good contender for "best change so far" is the mental and emotional change. I feel feelings now. I haven't done that in a long time. And it's kind of a rough transition to make, actually, because now I'm reacting very emotionally to things and I really haven't figured out how to cope yet. It's like I'm doing everything that I was doing before but now it's not a performance, it's just an actual innate response and honestly, it's really hard to control. I guess I'll have to work that one out over time. But I would take "Emotional" over "Dead inside" any day. I wish I'd done this sooner, for that reason alone.

Fat redistribution is a bit hard to measure because I've never really had much fat in the first place, but my coworkers told me that I was developing a more feminine silhouette, and that was about a month ago, maybe two? So, I guess what I'm saying here is that you should probably get a friend to look you over every month or so if you're really worried about this change, so they can tell you that you've developed child-bearing hips or whatever else you're looking for. This fat redistribution is supposed to apply to your face as well, and that's something that makes you look more feminine when you've been on HRT for a long time, supposedly. I find it really hard to notice, personally, because I always had a really thin face. And since I wore a thick full beard throughout all of my adolescence, I don't actually know what my old facial structure was, that well. I do think it's gotten thinner. But for me personally, I think that's made me look a little worse. Ya win some, ya lose some. Bitches be ugly sometimes, that's fine. beauty is subjective. It probably won't work that way for most anyone else, it's just I always had femboy-face. Too bad about my beard really, I could've tapped into a market there if I weren't so fucking hairy...anyway what were we talking about?

On the subject of hair, something has been happening to me that is not supposed to be happening according to a lot of the research I did before I sought HRT out. I'm noticing that small patches of my beard aren't growing at all, especially on the sides. I've also noticed similar effects on my leg-hair. That is, 100%, not supposed to happen. As I understand it, based on all the information I could find, HRT cannot undo changes. It can cause changes that haven't happened yet, but once something grows in, no matter what it is, it usually can't go away naturally. I'm not complaining. And, transgender HRT is a very sparsely-researched field as of yet, so maybe this is just something we don't know about, or something about my body chemistry in particular, IDK. I'm not a doctor.

Anyway, that's it. That's my little HRT anniversary journal. If I'm still on tumblr on 7/22/24, I guess I'll do this again. But I have no idea where I'll be in a year.

I hope this is insightful for someone. And I hope that when I look back on this, I either cringe or I cry. Because that means I'm growing up still. (see, that line? that's the one i'll cringe at.)

[foxoftheninetails]

I was just about to go to bed. I was thinking about all the time ive spent the last few weeks with my friends. We talk, we play games together, we stream, we watch videos and trade stupid memes. We support each other. Then I had a realization.

A bit of backstory first, for anyone who doesn't know (how could you not? I never shut up). Growing up, my dad worked all the time to provide for us, so I spent all of my time with my mother and sister. Over time, this developed in to "I dont know how to interact with guys." I mean, I do. Now. As long as its not the hypertoxic, hyper masculine nightmare that I have abhored since I was young.

I have always hung out with girls. In school, 4 of my closest friends were girls. I was always surrounded by a group of girls. I'd rather sit with them. Yeah, I know they can be toxic and vicious and gross too. But for whatever reason, I can talk to girls in a way that I can't talk to guys. (There are always exceptions to the rule, and yes, a couple of my dearest friends are guys, and we can vibe)

Anyway, on to my realization. A large portion of my friends are trans. There is an inside joke about this that is way too funny, and I still giggle when I think about it. Some of my friends I knew before they figured out that they are trans, some I met just after, and some have been on HRT for a time.

I have surrounded myself with people who have every right to be angry, to hurt others, to hate the world. Not for who they are, but for how they are perceived and treated. What the US government is doing might be the most disgusting thing I have heard about since the 1930s. My friends have been spat on, they cant go outside as themselves, some have been verbally and physically attacked. And every other trans person has to live woth that thought every day. They have every right in the world to want to destroy people like me. Cis, White, American males who have grown up knowing little to no hardship (I do whine a lot, but that's for the other bits of my blog) and being happy and comfortabla and feeling at home in my skin.

But they don't. They aren't mean. They are warm, and genuine, and wholesome, and caring, and doting, and loving. Every single trans person I know, without fail, is a lovely human being.

From personal experience alone, they have gone out of their way to make me feel included, and important. They help me when I need help, they spend time with me, they do things that I'm interested in and talk about my topics of interest. They support me in new and ever expanding ways. And they're happy to do it. Its not false, they aren't trying to get something out of it. In all reality, I dont have a lot to offer and I'm pretty clear about that when I start talking to new people.

They are just kind. I can't say for sure why that is, but I strongly suspect they get up every day and see the hatred aimed at them and consciously decide to be a positive force in the universe, even when they're being beaten down.

I am awe inspired. I want to be a better person and a better friend because my friends are so good to me. And frankly, I dont deserve them.

I was a terrible fucking person just 5 or 6 years ago. All the usual tropes apply, I'm not going into it here. If you care enough ask in the comments.

But for all of that, and yes, I have talked with each of them about what a PoS I was, they still show me love and kindness. I dont deserve friends like that, but I will forever try to earn the love and respect they have shown me.

Please, if you can, please hug your trans friend for me today. Because none of mine are close enough, and the only thing I want in this world is to show them that they are genuinely loved. And who doesn't like hugs?

Growing up, I had friends. Who doesn't? Some were good, some were better, some were bad. But what I never had was a family. And that's exactly what this is. I hate calling it a found family, because I didn't "find" them, they saved me. We are together, as a cooperative group for the betterment of each other and the world around us.

I will endeavor every single day to make the world around me better, and try to show the genuine compassion and caring my family has shown me, to others.

That joke? My handle across every single platform is Fox, in one manner or another. I have adopted it, and for all intents and purposes it is me. Foxes like eggs. Its a small thing, but when my friend said it to me, I thought my heart exploded. I was allowed to be included. I am included, I'm not secondary or tertiary, I'm not on the sidelines. I may forever be the wallflower of the family, the one who is willing to walk behind everyone else because the sidewalk isnt wide enough, but I will forever sleep better because you let me be part of the family.

I have unconsciously surrounded myself with people who will show me patience and kindness, compassion and love. I might not have gotten enough of that growing up and that's why I searched it out. But I have found the place I belong, and it's only fair that everyone else does too.

I say this all the time, but I hope its not too old. Thank you for letting me be a part of your lives, letting yourself be shared with me. I love you so dearly (this goes for all of my family and friends, but i bet you already knew that) that my heart feels it might burst.

And seriously, go hug your trans friend today. Just pick one, give them a warm, attentive hug, and when you pull apart, tell them you love them. Dont ever stop telling your friends you love them.

I generally dont farm interactions, it feels cheap. I mean this with all sincerity: tell me about your trans friend in the comments. I dont care if its one sentence or one thousand, I want to hear something you love about them.

So for once, new rule: do interact, do comment and repost. I want to hear about them.

💚

[femboyfertility]

I struggled with the not feeling queer enough leading to dysphoria thing, and honestly just starting hrt made all of that go away. I had been struggling with the idea for years, and the feelings but I had a mutual on Twitter who had been saying this for years and I didn't believe him until about 9 months on t.

Hm... I'll consider starting HRT and seeing where that leads, then!! Of course, it'll be very difficult with the current climate and all that, but I'm sure I'll find a way eventually. I have savings and such to use for it once a way is found for me to start and continuously be on HRT. :]

Thank you for your words, Anon, they're very helpful and let's me know I'm not entirely alone on this topic.

[kaiboone]

Today my endocrinologist gave me a tip that I wish was more widespread knowledge (definitely would have saved me a tonnn of pain), so I thought I’d share!

So basically, when you go on testosterone, it becomes likely that you will experience vaginal atrophy due to the decrease in estrogen. This can feel similar to very bad cramping in your pelvic area, so you might not recognize it at first (bc it is a little bit like period cramps), but the pattern is really what to look for��� if you’re getting pain/burning in that area during or after times of sexual arousal, that means that it likely has something to do with vaginal dryness or atrophy. It can be really, really painful and can lead to infections, so you shouldn’t ignore it— naturally, I implore you to talk to your doctor if you’re experiencing these symptoms. This is just a little bit of a home remedy to help with the pain, not at all a diagnostic or treatment.

Anyway by looking online, you’ll get information about over the counter topical gels and creams, and that’s what I went with at first (it helped a little bit, but stopped working after only a few days), but at my appointment today my endocrinologist told me that those (specifically vagisil) can actually do more harm than good because they alter the PH of your vagina, which is already sensitive while on testosterone HRT.

She told me that pretty much any plant based oil (almond oil, coconut oil, etc— as long as it’s safe to go in your mouth) is a cheaper and healthier alternative (not to mention, it doesn’t have all that plastic waste of the applicator and individual packages and stuff)— once a day, before you go to sleep, applied internally using your finger is what she told me. And once again this is from a licensed and reputable endocrinologist who has been helping me with my medical transition for years :0

[keifyseadragon]

Thoughts, part 2.

Thoughts...

The recent presidential election has me nervous, especially as the GOP gloats of how Project 2025 was their plan the entire time. I voted for Harris, anticipating just that happening if Trump won. Lo and behold... Hard not to fear an incoming wave of anti-LGBT bills, a loss of progress regarding civil rights, and continued targeted political attacks. Oddly enough, roughly 40% of the GOP is actually against Republicans targeting the overall LGBT community. Still, extremist ideology and rhetoric permeate the membranes of social discourse and spread like wildfire. Similar is also happening in Europe, which is highly concerning. Deutsche Welle, a German media organization, had published an article detailing the backlash to LGBT rights in Europe. While published in September of 2023, it remains incredibly relevant. The article details the Russian role in promoting homophobia and transphobia in an attempt to erode democracy in more developed nations. Russia alone provided roughly one quarter of the $768 M funding anti-gender activities in the EU between 2009-2018. Russia's gay propaganda law influenced legislation in both Hungary and Poland, and may have inspired the "Don't say Gay" law in Florida. It's frustrating, I got into NAFO, in part, to fight the transphobic disinformation coming from Russian media spaces targeting the LGBT community. I'd once argued that online echo chambers create real world violence, only to have other trans people get very upset calling the argument transphobic thinking it somehow called identity a debate. Nowhere did I call identity a debate, as that was not my point. I was saying that much like how incel communities have a documented radicalization pipeline that creates misogynistic violence and mass killings that a similar thing can be observed targeting LGBT people. Hate filled echo chambers lead to violence like the tragedies at Club Q and PULSE. All of this is the byproduct of heated online debate on the topics of gender, sexuality, transgender rights, and gender equality. Back in 2022 I argued that there was an increase in anti-LGBT hate crimes, to which a bisexual person argued I was somehow incorrect. Data for 2022 and 2023 confirmed my point to be factual, rather than being fearmongering or paranoid. I just wonder why when I, a trans woman, provide my own insights into the threats faced by the LGBT community how people just argue the opposite of what I say or mock me. There is a real link between online hate and real world violence, it's just a fact. For trying to fight Russian backed anti-LGBT narratives I've had slurs hurled at me, been told to end my life, been called a man countless times, faced harassment, and even at one point had a cyber stalker. Yet none of this is apparent to people who think everything I go through is somehow not real. I got death threats from a Trump supporter this year, but I'm sure to other people it's "fake" and any fear I have for my safety "paranoia". Whatever, it's all for nothing. I get so much right wing hate and left wing people don't stand up for me when I need it. I mentioned the online hate to a nurse and the doctor ended my gender affirming coverage and care (I had to find a new provider). The doctor didn't ask to see proof of the online hate, to him it wasn't real. I tried to hang myself not long after, as someone had told me to "jump" (hang myself) when I argued hormones saved lives. Since my provider ended my care, I did what I was told since I had no community, no support, and nobody gave a shit. My own father said he had no empathy for me when people told me to end my life because I'm transgender, he blamed me for the online hate I got. Too much stress. No love. This is a cold world. People ignore every pro-LGBT thing I say looking for a reason to laugh at me, argue, or talk shit. Life is miserable. Another day of self harm. I've been on HRT since 2019, and came out in 2017. It's not new. Additional Reading:

LGBTQ community: Is there a backlash in Europe? | https://www.dw.com/en/lgbtq-community-is-there-a-backlash-in-europe/a-66675016 (September 2, 2023) REPORT ON FIMI THREATS | FIMI targeting LGBTIQ+ people: Well-informed analysis to protect human rights and diversity | https://www.eeas.europa.eu/sites/default/files/documents/2023/EEAS-LGBTQ-Report.pdf (October 2023) Russia’s War on Woke Putin Is Trying to Unite the Far Right and Undermine the West | https://www.foreignaffairs.com/united-states/russias-war-woke (January 2, 2024) Germany's trans community battles right-wing falsehoods | https://www.dw.com/en/germanys-trans-community-battles-right-wing-falsehoods/a-68065874 (January 24, 2024) What Project 2025 could mean for LGBTQ+ Americans | https://www.axios.com/2024/11/07/project-2025-lgbtq-rights (November 7, 2024) Hate crime data:

FBI crime statistics show anti-LGBTQ hate crimes on the rise | https://thehill.com/homenews/lgbtq/4259292-fbi-crime-statistics-show-anti-lgbtq-hate-crimes-on-the-rise/ (October 16, 2023) FBI reports increase in anti-LGBTQ hate crimes | https://thehill.com/homenews/lgbtq/4897184-fbi-anti-lgbtq-hate-crimes/ (September 24, 2024)

[yooniesim]

this whole 'keep the topic/resources about transitioning away from kids' is giving me real 'but think of the children!' vibes that homophobes say about same sex couples in media ngl

think of the children!!! until it's actually something they need to save their life. what makes this especially disgusting to me is that as of today there are two states in the US that have banned gender affirming care for youth in 2023. Young trans people will be medically detransitioned against their will in South Dakota and people are whining about how EA giving us top surgery scars is "dangerous". If you think HRT is so bad and irreversible, perhaps be concerned about that very current and relevant issue? Trump recently said he supports outlawing trans people as a whole if he's reelected, of all ages, full stop. You're not gonna be concerned about that? No, a skin detail in the sims is more fucking important. The threat to trans people at this very moment is real enough without strawman arguments and "think of the children" rhetoric adding to it.

[limoki]

In case y'all were wondering what happened, here's the deal.

(Just a massive content warning, A lot of Transphobia and Verbal Abuse)

-After I moved into my mom's place with my gf, I could already tell that my mom hates her

-She noticed the changes to my body after being on HRT for more than eight months (YAY ME BTW)

-After a while, she asked me how does transition work, and I told her

-After the day, she told me that she wanted me to stop, because of health concerns.

-Despite me refuting the claims, she still insisted that she doesn't want me to continue.

-After a long discussion, (and ESPECIALLY heartbreak, since I was so excited to show my mom, like, every bit of girl clothes that I had on me) she told me that I cannot wear those exact girl clothes.

-A few days pass by, and also after a lot of tears in my gf's chest, my mom brought up the topic again.

-She thinks that my gf had manipulated me. (That's why I mentioned that she hated her the moment she saw her.) And that I should separate from her asap. And also infantilized my autism and neurodivergence.

-Of course, being my own person, say no, because she's saved my life in ways that I will NOT describe. And also because, you know, we love her too much to just DO that on someone else's opinion.

-She then tells me to stop taking it because it's too dangerous.

-I keep telling her no, but she never budges and simply kept yelling.

- "Sometimes, (dead name) you have to look at yourself in the mirror, and say to yourself "I love myself, god made me a man, I am a man."

-"You will always be my son."

-After a conversation that involved a couple of alters just. Straight up calling her the stupidest motherfucker on the planet, she eventually backed down.

-We planned a way of escape so we don't deal with her anymore. I have cut off contact with her since.

This was significantly shortened down. And being a system, this very much just reminded us of our duties. Especially since we just trusted that she changed.

If you have a friend that has no real blood family, and you truly, unquestionably love them. Please tell them. Love them how their family was supposed to but failed. Whether it was because how much they refused to, or because of how fucking stupid they all are.

Love them.

Hey just letting y'all know if someone says they accept you for being trans and supports you BUT also says that HRT is very dangerous, and that they need you to stop taking the medicine until they understand it more and the risks, is actually not them supporting you at all.

[genderqueerdykes]

Hi, I know this is kind of a heavy topic (dysphoria, medical anxiety, etc) but I’m really hoping to get some perspective. Feel free to not answer if it’s too heavy though!

I’ve more or else identified as a trans man for a year now. Before that I flipped through loads of different identities, but this year is the first time I genuinely considered that I might be a man, and one who wanted to go on hormones. My girlfriend and friends have been nothing but supportive, my parents are…trying. They love and support me but it’s still just. A lot for them. But knowing that they probably doubt I’m actually trans has recently made ME doubt whether HRT is right for me. I keep flipping through “this is okay. Even if I decide I don’t need T and want to go off it, I should still do this because if I don’t I’ll never be able to live with myself knowing I gave up” and “I’m not a real trans man, I’m just confused. I’ll be destroying my body” and I’m just really tired of the constant swing. Could you maybe lend some advice on what to do?

i'm sorry to hear your family is so unsupportive- at times, when you have some people in your life who are supportive and some who are very unhelpful, it can cause what's known as cognitive dissonance, meaning what you're describing, flip flopping back and forth between "well maybe this is right" and "damn this is definitely wrong"

i'm sorry to hear that it's been so difficult for you. you would not be "destroying your body" by taking testosterone. testosterone is a naturally occurring hormone that is present in every human being in varying levels. it's definitely good to question if it's right for you before you decide to take it, and if for whatever reason you do decide to take it and you don't like the effects it has on you, you ultimately did a good thing by being brave enough to take the leap to see if something actually was right for you, instead of speculating and wondering and questioning instead and never truly knowing

generally i say the fact that it affects you so deeply is usually a good indicator that you are trans. no one has the right to tell you what to do with your identity or your body. nobody has the right to be invasive enough to tell you you are "destroying your body" over something that ultimately has no affect whatsoever on your general health and well being for most people. modifying your body to save your mind is not a bad thing. people want to be invasive about your body, but never take a second to consider what's going on in your mind. your mental health is worth preserving. people who don't see and respect your mental health are not helping you, even if they think they are

i hope you're able to make some more friends and find some more supportive spaces outside of your family who can help you. i know people often tell us that we have to listen to our parents and that our family's opinion is above everyone else's, but it's really not. you know yourself better than anyone else, and it's not right for your family to stress you out over something that doesn't affect them. i hope you're able to find some peace soon, take care. stay safe, you are appreciated

[emcandon]

I enjoyed your book. Quite a bit actually. I imagine I'll like it even more on my second read through. The story was well told and the characters were charming. It was nice to see a nonbinary character in a Star Wars story that was more than a bit player. I especially liked the romantic tension between the Ronin and Idzuna. There was one thing that was sort of concerning to me though. The character Yuehiro is said to be only 14 and on hormone replacement therapy. Having a young trans character would be wonderful, but promoting the use of life altering drugs by a child is somewhat problematic. In modern society, we've sort of agreed that children don't have the maturity of mind to make decisions that will affect the rest of their lives. Children can't get tattoos. They can't marry or consent. They don't receive life sentences for heinous crimes (except in cases where the law is manipulated unjustly.) I've known more than one person in my personal life that has identified as trans and then later gone back to identifying with the gender assigned to them at birth. It's a phenomenon more common than you'd think. And the consequences are sometimes irreversible. I don't expect you to answer this ask. I just want to you understand that writing for a franchise that markets to children puts a lot of responsibility in your hands.

I’m very glad you enjoyed the book. Thank you for telling me.

However, respectfully, I’m going to have to vehemently disagree with your concerns. I don’t think they’re grounded in empirical evidence, to the point that I have found myself wondering whether this argument is presented in earnest.

To wit: HRT is safe, reversible, and life-saving.

My background: for a time I was planning to go into health psychology with a specialty in queer health. My own health problems interfered with my plans, but I completed an MA before branching into new work. For that MA, I conducted research on treatment and support for adolescent trans and genderqueer individuals.

My academic approach tends to be skeptical. I don’t trust my own instincts until I’ve investigated them thoroughly and formed a conclusion around that investigation. I also don’t like to challenge people’s lived experiences. I don’t think it’s fair. I don’t think it’s kind.

So when I say that I investigated the topic of reverse transition as thoroughly as possible, I hope you believe me. I made one professor nervous, when I explained my intention. I think she worried that I was a developing TERF. That concern shaped my thoughts as well. It made me wonder what kind of agenda would lead a person to seek to preemptively prevent someone from obtaining treatment for their pain. It didn’t stop me from looking into the subject. If anything, it deepened my understanding of the question.

In the end, I found that for a variety of reasons, including those aforementioned, I fully and fiercely support children’s right to seek treatment with HRT. There are already enough excruciating barriers between trans kids and whatever support they need to live their lives — barriers external and internal. I have no right to be another. In fact, I refuse to be.

In any case, I hope you revisit your thoughts. They deserve reconsideration.

Edit: As a note, after a good deal of consideration, I concluded that this probably wasn't asked in good faith. I decided to respond anyway in order to make myself clear -- for the benefit of trans and queer readers who might be concerned by this matter. I will not be entertaining more questions in the same vein. (Anon, if you do believe you asked this in good faith, I urge you to consider why you actually didn't.)

[yooniesim]

I was asked about this a few days ago, so lemme copy paste what I said then:

"Regarding the subject of zero's posts themselves, I've spoken about the topic before. Anyone that wants to can find that post here, it has links to actual research on detransitioning, the factors & causes, frequency, and the effect of transitioning on mental health. It is vitally important for children and teens and it is far, far more dangerous to deny them the life saving care they need. That's based in research, not anecdotal evidence from a personal experience. Blindly supporting activism, to me, would be simply believing one person's patreon post without actually looking into the matter."

"think of the children!!! until it's actually something they need to save their life. what makes this especially disgusting to me is that as of today there are two states in the US that have banned gender affirming care for youth in 2023. Young trans people will be medically detransitioned against their will in South Dakota and people are whining about how EA giving us top surgery scars is "dangerous". If you think HRT is so bad and irreversible, perhaps be concerned about that very current and relevant issue? Trump recently said he supports outlawing trans people as a whole if he's reelected, of all ages, full stop. You're not gonna be concerned about that? No, a skin detail in the sims is more fucking important. The threat to trans people at this very moment is real enough without strawman arguments and "think of the children" rhetoric adding to it."

I am begging people to stop paying these modders and defending them like their lives depend on it. Some of them are truly horrible and shouldn't be in the positions they're in. They never should've been propped up in the community like this, there's no regulation or consequences to their actions so they just do and say whatever they want. Transphobia, racism, scamming, doxxing, the list goes on.

imagine my shock and horror to discover that a huge modder (zero mods or whatever) is like? hugely fucking transphobic like???

[heraldofzaun]

This is a post I’ve been thinking about making for quite some time, especially due to looking at how my own personal depiction of Viktor differs from what seems to be the general fandom interpretation - especially after the LoR cards released and gave us a few canonical acolytes.

I won’t beat around the bush here: this is going to be about why I personally believe that associating the Glorious Evolution specifically with headcanons about Viktor or his acolytes being trans, or Viktor performing gender-affirming surgeries, or things in a similar vein is a poor decision, and why I don’t include this interpretation in my writings. This isn’t meant to discourage people from writing Viktor or his acolytes as trans, of course - my Viktor is agender, although he’s not aware of it, and it would be absurd to say that his followers have to be cis - but I think it’s important to look at the implications that come from writing Viktor as explicitly someone who helps people relieve and manage their dysphoria through his work with the GE.

Firstly, no matter how you spin it: Viktor’s idea of the Glorious Evolution has always been painted in a negative light. I’ve done my work to portray it as idealistically as possible, but at the end of the day his goals have always been about removing (at the very least, negative) emotions from himself, as well as mechanizing himself and others.

“Desiring both to revolutionize his field and to eliminate the jealous human emotions which festered inside him, he engineered parts to replace and improve his own body... He saw himself as the patron and pioneer of Valoran's future, a future in which man would renounce his flesh in favor of superior hextech augmentations.” (Original lore.)

“He saw human involvement in any part of a process as a grossly inefficient aberration - a view that put him at odds with a great many of his fellow students and professors, who saw the very things Viktor sought to remove as the source of human ingenuity and creativity.” (New lore.)

“Jayce reported the incident [of Viktor creating a device that allowed someone to “effectively control” another person]  to the college masters, and Viktor was censured for violating basic human dignity - though, in his eyes, his work would have saved many lives. He was expelled from the college, and retreated to his old laboratory in Zaun, disgusted by the narrow-minded perceptions of Piltover's inhabitants. Alone in the depths, Viktor sank into a deep depression, enduring a traumatic period of introspection for many weeks. He wrestled with the ethical dilemma he now faced, finding that, once again, human emotion and weakness had stood in his way. He had been trying to help, to enhance people beyond their natural capabilities to avoid error and save lives. Revelation came when he realized that he too had succumbed to such emotions, allowing his naive belief that good intentions could overcome ingrained prejudice to blind him to human failings. Viktor knew he could not expect others to follow where he did not go first, so, in secret, he operated on himself to remove those parts of his flesh and psyche that relied upon or were inhibited by emotion.” (New lore.)

This, when combined with how Viktor has also always been intended as a more villainous character - his visual design language, voice lines, and how he leans into the “evil Russian scientist” stereotype all confirm that - mean that from an out-of-universe standpoint, we’re meant to see his ideas as wrong and misguided. Multiple other champions have lines specifically about how he’s wrong - Ekko calls him “everything wrong with Zaun”, Camille (who is morally grey at best, and a cold-blooded killer at worst) calls his work “quaint”, implying that it doesn’t go far enough for her liking, and Heimerdinger makes the point that without humans, no one will be left to appreciate Viktor’s work. It doesn’t matter if Viktor has good intentions - the narrative tells us time and time again that his path leads to a very dark place, especially in new lore where he’s comfortable with violating free will for the sake of preventing death.

It seems obvious to me that a character who auto-amputates as a way to cope with overwhelming emotions, who decides that emotions themselves are a burden, who is repeatedly described as having an obsession with the Glorious Evolution regardless of lore, who is described as who you go to when you’re desperate in new lore... is clearly someone whose surgeries (at least of himself, where they are implied to be unnecessary - again, auto-amputation) and end goals are supposed to be read as a violation of human nature and dignity. Here we pivot to talking about trans issues in specific.

I’m of the firm belief that it’s not a good idea to associate gender-affirming surgeries, HRT, or any other thing used for transitioning with a character whose surgeries are supposed to be read as a violation of the human form. This plays directly into the anti-trans idea that transitioning is, well, a violation of the human form. It is not a good idea to write the man who cuts off his own limbs to poorly cope with his emotions as a patron of trans rights. It’s drawing a direct parallel between Viktor’s auto-amputations, which we are supposed to read as not only a very bad thing and the product of obsession, but arguably self-harm, with life-saving medical care.

(There’s also the issue that some people seem to assume that transhumanism is, in any way, inherently related to being trans - but that’s a whole other topic that I don’t feel very qualified to write on. I consider myself someone interested in transhumanist concepts, when applied appropriately (i.e. not ending up in eugenicist territory), but I am far from an expert on transhumanist thought. I think it’s enough to say that no, they’re not related. They’re just two things with the same prefix. Please don’t confuse the two.)

In my opinion, Viktor should not be seen as someone whose work is a direct benefit to trans individuals. (Again, not to say that Viktor can’t have followers who are trans. But please, please consider before making him the person that they go to for help with transitioning. The man doesn’t even have a medical degree, and his canonical work is described as being all about function over form. He’s not the surgeon you want.) I don’t think that Viktor’s gender identity, whatever it may be, should be associated with his obsession with the Glorious Evolution - or at the least, it shouldn’t be portrayed as a positive association. (In the sense of Viktor using the GE/his own surgeries as a positive affirmation of his gender... I’m struggling to precisely define this at the moment, apologies.) The GE is, textually, an unhealthy coping mechanism.

(There’s maybe something to be said for a Viktor who has disassociated himself so far from humanity that he no longer considers gender applicable to himself... but please, be careful if you write this. I’m speaking as someone who’s agender: I’m tired of my identity being used as shorthand for someone or something becoming or being nonhuman. I’m tired of people treating Blitzcrank being reskinned as a they/them pronoun user as something revolutionary, if they themselves don’t use those pronouns or aren’t nonbinary. I’m not going to pretend that I’m the arbiter of what people can and can’t write, but I’m tired of seeing myself - as an autistic and agender person - represented solely by unfeeling aliens and machines and whatever else, and being told that it’s good, actually, because any representation is good representation. I’d like for people to be more mindful in what they write and promote, but I think that this is becoming a tangent.)

I guess it comes time for me to defend my own depiction, then, since as I’ve mentioned above I do write Viktor as agender. I admit that I want to see aspects of myself in the characters that I like, but I also strive to be aware of the implications that these aspects may have. My Viktor’s gender identity has absolutely nothing to do with his idea of the Glorious Evolution - he has no dysphoria that he attempts to relieve through his surgeries, he does not see roboticization as a way to move past the gender binary... he doesn’t even realize that he’s not a cis man, because he hasn’t had the time or tools to introspect on that aspect of himself. (He’d be rather confused if you told him that people generally tend to feel as if they’re a certain gender - he’s just... himself.) I’ve written him in this way to try to make it clear that he has always felt this way about himself - that the GE has nothing to do with it - and that it has no influence on his actions as the Machine Herald.

There isn’t really a good way to wrap this up. Again, I am not saying that Viktor or his acolytes shouldn’t be written as trans, nor trying to stop people from writing that - only that their transness shouldn’t be directly associated with his idea of the Glorious Evolution. I think that we need to be mindful of what kinds of tropes that our depictions can fall into, and in this case a non-mindful depiction of Viktor as trans can seen as equating being trans to what’s easily read as self-harm/a violation of human nature. I doubt that anyone genuinely intends this association, but it can be made regardless, and so I prefer to keep the two concepts wholly separate in my depiction.

If you’ve made it this far, thank you for reading. I’m willing to answer any questions that arise from this.