#top 5 beat down

[dear-ao3]

absolutely, completely and in all other ways OUTRAGED that @wearewatcher did not include dr. heinz doofenshmirtz on their list of disney dilfs.

is he technically from disney channel? yeah. does that matter? no. is he better than pongo and maurice and king triton? absolutely.

and i will tell you why.

as we all know, doofenshmirtz had a horrible upbringing:

-his own parents didnt show up for his birth -he had to throw his own surprise party -big black boots boris the bully kicked sand in his face -a kid outshined him at a science fair with a baking soda volcano -his mom wouldnt let him swim in pools -his dad won a dog and said it was the son he never had and named it only son -had to wear dresses to school -he smelled like pork ?? idk this one doesnt get explained -his brother was better at kickball than him -his brother got the teddy bear he got out of a claw machine and it ruined the family dynamic -he couldn't make pretzels -he failed as a magician -his first date was ruined -he lost a girl to a dude with big hands -has no coordination -accidentally ended up in america? -lived with a family of ocelots ??? -he had to be a garden gnome -was always thwarted and outshined by his brother roger

yea you get the idea

but does he pass any of this down to his daughter, vanessa??

no! he does not!

-he actually takes his daughters advice -he is a fantastic single dad and makes a good life for her (and supports her being goth. very important.) -he is civil with his ex wife also (which helps vanessas childhood) -he brings vanessa to work and tries to bring her into the family business -he wants his inators to be fun for her as a learning experience -he always gives her extravagant birthday parties !!! esp her sweet 16!!! -he does not direct his negative feelings towards his daughter ever, its always towards perry -he spends 10 years looking for a discontinued mary mcguffin doll!!! for her!!

and so on

instead of being horribly to his daughter he rather brilliantly uses his arch nemesis (perry the platypus) as a free therapist (rather ingenious in this economy) and channels his childhood trauma into creating his inators in order to take over the tri state area.

so hes definitely dedicated, knows his way around a toolbox and programming (valuable skills in the technology age), broke through the stigma of generational and childhood trauma, and hes just a little bit evil. as a treat. at least in terms of ryans criteria he is a fantastic dad. and that is what we are judging the dilfs on.

so in conclusion. @wearewatcher. why isnt dr. heinz doofenshmirtz on the top 5 disney dilfs list???

[andyevej]

[thediamondabovemyhead]

I’d like to register my vote for Nandor for the top 5 beatdown of Himbos

I mean... ya know, head empty, no note, car gone.. xD

[cateyedfox36]

I certainly hope that's why they did thd Top 5 cryptids.

I need Shane and Ryan to revisit trying to find cryptids

[commandermaxil]

who’s everyone’s dream puppet history guest? mines brittany broski

[jesus-said-chill]

[suntails]

Hiiiii this isnt so much a question but i just wanted to tell u that ive been rewatching your die young v3 animatic a ton recently. It is SO SO SO SO GOOD!! Anyway hope ur doin well hehe

AAAAA i'm so glad!!! oh god that animatic lived in my head for AGES it was such a blast to come up w and make, im glad u like it and it's stuck around all this time <3 <3 sending u all my best!!

[jackklinemybeloved]

shane madej on top 5 beat down revealing his top character he’d want to be his dad and prefacing it with “I will admit this is maybe the most selfish” and then revealing his top pick as “God (Bible)” is the funniest one-two punch of a joke I’ve seen in a while

[blackcurrant-juice]

back in septmeber i got some kind of attack in the middle of lab so they sent me to the ER because they didn't want to take chances with me dying from chemicals but still made me pay the hospital fees myself. then i still had to go back the next week to finish my lab. then bad news happened last week and my. lab report is so fucking late. all these penalties. it will be worth fucking nothing. what did i go to the ER for they should have just let me die there #tbh

[juicyjuicy05]

why is he like this

[dear-ao3]

saph is a watcherina?

i think im more offended you thought that i wasnt

[sarah-sandwich-writes]

“My ear is burning, my ear is burning.”

“Well if you would hold still—,”

“You’re taking forever.”

“It’s a process! Here, wipe off your ear.”

“Gross, is this your sock? I’m starting to think you don’t know what you’re doing.”

“I don’t. I told you that. It’s not my fault you didn’t think to download a tutorial before we went to space where there’s no YouTube. Either use the sock or suffer the chemical burns. I don’t care anymore.”

“Ah-ha! So at one point you cared.”

Peter stutters into silence. He’s 90% sure Harley is just bickering to fill the silence, as they do, but that 10% is compelling in its insistence that Harley isn’t going to gloss over Tony’s spilling of the beans for forever. At some point he’s going to want answers. Or rather, to let Peter down easy into the garbage compactor of ‘I’m flattered but I don’t think of you that way.’

HELLO??? Past Sarah where is the rest?????

[minty-bubblegum]

Shrek x minty (CANON SHIP NOT FAKE)

Shrek turns and looks at minty with his alpha wolf male dominace, looking her up and he licks his daddy green lips seductively. Minty's uwu petite figure shakes under shrek's large genital figure, as she looks at him eith big doe eyes. Shrek walks forward, kissing minty with his long sexy tongue, making minty uwu in submissive ness

@dadofdisappointment can you kill me

[lumiereswig]

WHY THE FUCK DOES SHANE WANT TO FUCK MAURICE FROM BATB 1991?????

[raethedragon]

chimney canopy is suffering

why do i go up that instead of the fucking leg

at least that doesn’t have five separate vultures on screen at once

[jesus-said-chill]

Great observation, Shane