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dear-ao3 · 2 years ago

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absolutely, completely and in all other ways OUTRAGED that @wearewatcher did not include dr. heinz doofenshmirtz on their list of disney dilfs.

is he technically from disney channel? yeah. does that matter? no. is he better than pongo and maurice and king triton? absolutely.

and i will tell you why.

as we all know, doofenshmirtz had a horrible upbringing:

-his own parents didnt show up for his birth -he had to throw his own surprise party -big black boots boris the bully kicked sand in his face -a kid outshined him at a science fair with a baking soda volcano -his mom wouldnt let him swim in pools -his dad won a dog and said it was the son he never had and named it only son -had to wear dresses to school -he smelled like pork ?? idk this one doesnt get explained -his brother was better at kickball than him -his brother got the teddy bear he got out of a claw machine and it ruined the family dynamic -he couldn't make pretzels -he failed as a magician -his first date was ruined -he lost a girl to a dude with big hands -has no coordination -accidentally ended up in america? -lived with a family of ocelots ??? -he had to be a garden gnome -was always thwarted and outshined by his brother roger

yea you get the idea

but does he pass any of this down to his daughter, vanessa??

no! he does not!

-he actually takes his daughters advice -he is a fantastic single dad and makes a good life for her (and supports her being goth. very important.) -he is civil with his ex wife also (which helps vanessas childhood) -he brings vanessa to work and tries to bring her into the family business -he wants his inators to be fun for her as a learning experience -he always gives her extravagant birthday parties !!! esp her sweet 16!!! -he does not direct his negative feelings towards his daughter ever, its always towards perry -he spends 10 years looking for a discontinued mary mcguffin doll!!! for her!!

and so on

instead of being horribly to his daughter he rather brilliantly uses his arch nemesis (perry the platypus) as a free therapist (rather ingenious in this economy) and channels his childhood trauma into creating his inators in order to take over the tri state area.

so hes definitely dedicated, knows his way around a toolbox and programming (valuable skills in the technology age), broke through the stigma of generational and childhood trauma, and hes just a little bit evil. as a treat. at least in terms of ryans criteria he is a fantastic dad. and that is what we are judging the dilfs on.

so in conclusion. @wearewatcher. why isnt dr. heinz doofenshmirtz on the top 5 disney dilfs list???

#not a tag #from saph #i spent way too long on this #i apologize #no i do not want to fuck doofenshmirtz #i have my own boyfriend #top 5 beat down #watcher #ryan bergara #shane madej

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andyevej · 2 years ago

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#they just look so tasty #like a chicken #watcher #porg #top 5 beat down #shane madej

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thediamondabovemyhead · 2 years ago

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I’d like to register my vote for Nandor for the top 5 beatdown of Himbos

I mean... ya know, head empty, no note, car gone.. xD

#Watcher #What We Do in the Shadows #Top 5 Beat Down

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cateyedfox36 · 2 years ago

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I certainly hope that's why they did thd Top 5 cryptids.

I need Shane and Ryan to revisit trying to find cryptids

#Top 5 beat down

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jesus-said-chill · 1 year ago

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#shane madej #top 5 beatdown #out of context screenshots #watcher #top 5 beat down spoilers

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suntails · 4 months ago

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Hiiiii this isnt so much a question but i just wanted to tell u that ive been rewatching your die young v3 animatic a ton recently. It is SO SO SO SO GOOD!! Anyway hope ur doin well hehe

AAAAA i'm so glad!!! oh god that animatic lived in my head for AGES it was such a blast to come up w and make, im glad u like it and it's stuck around all this time <3 <3 sending u all my best!!

#ask #beetledumble #genuinely believe to my bones that die young is a v3 trial 5 anthem. it just is. the animatic lays it out clear as day #the bg music cutting out as the thump beat starts leading up to the press smashing down was my artistic peak. ill never top it #also the “we'll keep dancing till we die” with die echoing as it zooms on the image of an empty press waiting for a body to lie down?#GOLD #anyways. i could ramble abt my choices there for ages. making a party song into a pop anthem of death is just delicious

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jackklinemybeloved · 1 year ago

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shane madej on top 5 beat down revealing his top character he’d want to be his dad and prefacing it with “I will admit this is maybe the most selfish” and then revealing his top pick as “God (Bible)” is the funniest one-two punch of a joke I’ve seen in a while

#I don’t really keep up with watcher but #every time I watch top 5 beat down I am delighted by Shane’s picks #the one they did recently with drew Gooden where they just got pissed at him for every choice…#watcher entertainment #watcher #shane madej

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blackcurrant-juice · 2 months ago

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back in septmeber i got some kind of attack in the middle of lab so they sent me to the ER because they didn't want to take chances with me dying from chemicals but still made me pay the hospital fees myself. then i still had to go back the next week to finish my lab. then bad news happened last week and my. lab report is so fucking late. all these penalties. it will be worth fucking nothing. what did i go to the ER for they should have just let me die there #tbh

#i assumed it was some panic attack not sure all i knew was my heart was beating fast even though my emotions were calm #and i was red like a lobster #oh yeah all that time and waiting to go to the ER doctor and showing him list of chemicals i worked with #and paying medical fees #just for them to go “bro i have no fucking clue what happened”#easilyy top 5 bruh moments this year #i really did not want to go to the ER like i thought seeing the schools general practitioner was enough #but the lab tech was so kind to accompany me everywhere #and she was the one who insisted i go to the ER even when i was like “ehhhh its probably fine”#and i am weak to older women what can i say #....my life was a series of unfortunate events unfolding into this utterly unsatisfying conclusion #should have had an anime arc like...No...I cant let her down...I cant let my trip to the hospitals go to waste...i will..finish this...!#but nah fate said “have a reason to spiral back into depression during hell week. and its something you cant even talk about.”#..i sound like im complaining but i just like talking about my life like comedy with plot points and foreshadowing etc #anyway i gotta write 2 reports tonight #then i can finally drink that vodka i bought last week #or maybe i should write my reports drunk..yeah!#unironically might be a good idea considering how much i overthink these things to the point of executive dysfunction

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keeps-ache · 17 days ago

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rule 1 of having legs: you ahve to sit down sometimes or they'll take your life into their own hands 👍

#just me hi #they WILL take it into their own hands [<- actively perishing]#rule 2: you can NOT sit in the same exact position every time you sit down or you only die in a different way #rule 3: do NOT sit in any position that you KNOW will stress your joints out bc they're little babies about it. do NOT #rule 4: just cuz it sucks now doesn't mean you get to neglect the other rules :/#[<- legs hurty]#rule 5: once you get the first pang you're already on your last leg (lol) sit DOWNNNN #coming to you from: somebody who forgot to sit down #top ten idiots <3 #also: somebody who kept standing up bc they forgorrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr #i think my legs are dematerializing <//3 so sad. i wish they didn't do that <///3 #rule 6: if you stop experiencing discomfort after a certain amount of time you HAVEN"T beat the pain that's not how it funkin WORKSSSS #pain tolerance CAN be built but it takes a lot of TIME. dingus #//anyway i need to take a little notebook with me #to doodle :)#i hate drawing in front of people but i don't think anybody is paying attention to me so i'll be doodling during my breaksss #and i Need to have something to do during the breaks or i'll just go back to working. girl what are you doing no stop lmfvshjs #//anywhooo i want to watch my videos now <3 #<33 #that or rotate kisya in my head for a bit #well i guess you'd say ♫ what could make me feel this way.. my girl ♫ my girl ♫ my girl ♫ talkin bout. My giiirl ♫ my girl !!! ♫#yea :3 onwardssss ehe #toodles !!

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snorfbin · 1 month ago

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#can i just say that i hate what tumblr has done with spotify wrapped this year?#like previous years it was more like “oh my god i listened to this one song so many times! im not beating the mental illness allegations!”#which is fine and all that #but this year people are making it about race and i think its really fucking stupid #polls and posts like “how far down is the first poc artist in your top 100?”#first post i saw was just that which okay?#kinda comes off as op trying to call people racist for their taste in music #other posts after that have been a hell of a lot more blatant with their message #that youre a raging racist if you dont have any poc artists in your top 5 on your top 100 playlist #like shut the fuck up with that god damn virtue signalling bullshit or whatever #no ones actually making that much money on spotify so who cares if you listen to their music on spotify?#even taylor swift is getting the short end when it comes to her spotify paycheck #listening to music on spotify is legitimately fucking useless in terms of supportinf artists #if you actually wanna go support artists then find where theyre selling their music and BUY it #go buy concert tickets for their shows #go buy their tshirts and merch #spotify is too greedy to pay artists and youre too much of a moral grandstander to see that!#youre not morally better than anyone bc you listen to certain artists or certain genres or whatever #get off your high fucking horse and just enjoy the tunes jesus fucking god damn christ!

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juicyjuicy05 · 2 years ago

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why is he like this

#watcher entertainment #watcher #shane madej #ryan begara #ryan and shane #top five beatdown #top five beat down #top 5 beatdown

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dear-ao3 · 11 months ago

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saph is a watcherina?

i think im more offended you thought that i wasnt

#the candy episode of top 5 beat down #and dish granted #chefs kiss #not a tag #from saph #watcher

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minty-bubblegum · 1 year ago

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Shrek x minty (CANON SHIP NOT FAKE)

Shrek turns and looks at minty with his alpha wolf male dominace, looking her up and he licks his daddy green lips seductively. Minty's uwu petite figure shakes under shrek's large genital figure, as she looks at him eith big doe eyes. Shrek walks forward, kissing minty with his long sexy tongue, making minty uwu in submissive ness