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ponett · 9 months

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Bobby's 2023 Media Wrap-Up

So! Like I said before, this past year I kept a running list of everything I watched, every game I finished, every new album I listened to, etc., and wrote one-paragraph blurbs with my thoughts on every single one. Please enjoy this journey through everything I liked, or didn't like, in 2023, with my favorites of the year listed at the bottom.

(Yes! This is long!!)

Some notes:

I mainly only included things I finished. Exceptions are marked with an asterisk.

I included some YouTube stuff as "TV shows" - mostly particularly long, high effort video essays and documentaries.

I was a bit less adventurous than I'd like to have been this year. Part of this was just that I felt like I was constantly playing catch-up with Big Releases I felt obligated to check out, and part of this was just executive dysfunction from burnout. Wait until you see how long it took me to beat Mario Wonder lmao

Yes, I need to read more books. I don't read a lot of books these days. I need to get back to Discworld.

COLOR KEY

Video Games • TV / Web Video • Movies • Comics • Music

January

1/15: Final Fantasy XIV: A Realm Reborn (MSQ) - Very slow at times, the Primal shit is generally extremely lame to me outside of the boss fights themselves, but god if the quality of life improvements over WoW, the JRPG energy, and the fact that it Actually Has A Story carry it pretty hard.

1/18: Sonic the Hedgehog: Scrapnik Island miniseries - One of the most creative and compelling uses of the Sonic IP… ever? Fantastic little self-contained arc about the struggles of Eggman’s abandoned creations that gracefully weaves between heartfelt optimism and moody horror with some of the best art ever seen in a Sonic comic.

1/18: Mega Man X4 - Glad I finally actually beat this after never even beating any of the Mavericks as a kid! I can see why it’s a lot of peoples’ favorites. The gameplay has very little of that X series bloat and is just fun, especially after getting X’s armor upgrades. (But the story really is a long series of missed opportunities.)

February

2/2: Donks - Felix Colgrave continues to be an exceptional artist. The sound design on this is fantastic and really sells this short as something unique. Had to go back and watch his older stuff again after this.

2/4: Final Fantasy XIV: Heavensward (3.0 - 3.3 MSQ) - I get it now. I get why people say this is just a proper mainline Final Fantasy game built into the framework of an MMO. That shit ruled. Not even walking back the drama in Ul’Dah from the end of ARR can sour me on it because the main storyline was so strong.

2/8: Disneyland's Forgotten Sci-Fi Rock Band - Live From the Space Stage - A nice and honest tribute to a group of artists who could have easily been forgotten. In hindsight this feels like a precursor to Kevin’s Disney Channel jingle video, a tribute to the unsung artists pouring their hearts into “lesser” art for a megacorporation, art that was designed to be transient but sticks with people nonetheless.

2/9: Metroid Prime Remastered* - Not gonna finish because I just played through the Wii version in 2021, but still. Very, very pretty remaster.

2/16: Theatrhythm Final Bar Line - It’s more Theatrhythm. What more could I want

2/17: JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure: Stone Ocean (anime) - Probably the best part of the anime so far (assuming they continue on to SBR). A near perfect mix of the more structured plot of part 5 with the goofiness of parts 3 and 4 that crescendos into a fantastic, bombastic, emotional, bittersweet ending. The use of footage from the original opening and the new ending set to Roundabout in the finale were perfect, and made me intensely nostalgic for the early days of my JoJo fandom between seasons 1 and 2 of the anime.

2/22: Aggretsuko Season 5 - I don’t really know what to make of this one. Once you get past the agonizing initial arc all about Haida where Retsuko has to be his overbearing mommy GF who flips out and starts spying on him when she’s left on read and chides him when he misbehaves, it feels like an improvement over the previous seasons. But I don’t know how much of that is due to the extremely low bar set by season 4. And then the ending is extremely rushed and anticlimactic. They got legally married and the only acknowledgement was a shot of them signing the paperwork in a montage partway through the final episode?????????

2/24: Double Fine PsychOdyssey - God, what a journey the making of this game was. I already loved 2 Player’s past efforts at documenting Double Fine’s process, but this takes it to a whole new level. This feels culturally significant. The depth and honesty with which they depict not just the nitty gritty of making a game, but also the inherent struggles of working on a collaborative creative work for years at a time, is astounding. Not to mention that they were there to capture the shift from office life to remote work as COVID hit. So much of this would have been nightmarishly stressful to watch if I didn’t already know how successful the game was, but that’s just because they really didn’t sugarcoat it. And yet even after all that, it leaves me feeling optimistic about video games as an art form in a way that the constant headlines about cynical live service games don’t. There are still people out there pouring their hearts into making real art, and this is their story. Everyone who plays video games should watch this.

2/25: Cracker Island (Gorillaz) - New Gorillaz albums feel like less of an event these days, but after Humanz it feels like they’re just more chill with the project and their ambitions with it. Every couple years we get some more laid back jams from Damon along with some fun new collabs. Hard to complain. Favorite track: New Gold

2/25: Pool Kids (Pool Kids) - I discovered this band because Derek knows them and was excited when they got a song added to Fortnite through the Bandcamp collab. Always down to find more cool indie rock bands I can vibe with. The mix of dreamy vocals and energetic riffs on some of the tracks here almost fill the Crying-shaped hole in my heart. Almost… Favorite track: Conscious Uncoupling

2/25: Insane in the Rain (insaneintherainmusic) - I thought it was really funny timing when Carlos announced that his first original project would be a jazz fusion album inspired by acts like T-Square and Casiopea right as I was getting into those two specific bands. The final product does not disappoint. Favorite track: Insane in the Rain

2/26: Get Up Sequences Part Two (The Go! Team) - I’ve never been one to believe that a band’s sound has to remain exactly the same forever, but it really does hit you hard that the first two tracks here sound like classic The Go! Team. Their more recent cleaner sound is still here too, though, for a nice mix of old and new. Favorite track: Divebomb

2/28: Mobile Suit Gundam: The Witch From Mercury (Season 1) - Oh my god. Oh my god. I got distracted around the time I was finishing SLARPG, but finally catching up now, wow. My assumption that the seemingly lighter tone of the series compared to the prologue was there to lull us into a false sense of security before twisting the knife when war finally breaks out was spot on. This is peak Gundam.

March

3/4: Pizza Tower - One of the best platformers I’ve played in a long time. It transcends its blatant Wario Land inspirations with the sheer speed at which Peppino can move and the way things like the level design, his wall running, and even the hidden ability to do a second lap around the level reward getting into a flow state where you’re just constantly moving. This is the type of game that wants to turn you into a speedrunner. My only real complaint is a few iffy enemy designs that I wish would get patched.

3/6: Bloons TD 6 * - I bought this before bed one night on a nostalgic whim and then the next morning woke up and saw the Steam receipt email on my phone in one of the most “what did I do last night” moments of my life. I like when the monkeys pop the balloons.

3/7: The Book of Boba Fett - I put off finishing this show for a very long time but finally caved upon the release of The Mandalorian season 3. This show spends four episodes failing to make me give a shit about Boba Fett trying to be “the daimyo” and drive the drug trade off of Tatooine, then just gives up and becomes season 2.5 of Mando, which in turn feels like it undercuts the main series. It fails as both its own story and as a spinoff. I know that finishing this after Andor did it no favors, but WHOOF.

3/12: Obi-Wan Kenobi - Some interesting ideas in the first half hinting at a more introspective show, but it’s mostly swept aside in the back half so it can become a generic Star Wars adventure remixing things from A New Hope and Rebels (and apparently Jedi: Fallen Order). Action scenes have zero stakes because you know nothing can happen to any of the returning characters and none of the new ones are particularly interesting. Why there’s a second climax hinging on a Luke Skywalker death fakeout eludes me. Obi-Wan throwing the rocks at Vader is one of the funniest things in Star Wars history. But it was still better than Book of Boba Fett, I guess.

3/19: The King of Braves GaoGaiGar - Wow, cool robot indeed… GaoGaiGar isn’t going to blow anyone away with its writing, but sometimes you just need a really fun monster of the week mecha show with great action and lovably goofy characters. This is a show where like 20% of every episode consists of recycled transformation, combination, and signature attack sequences and I ate it up every time because they look fucking cool as hell. I don’t care. I’d watch Final Fusion another 49 times.

3/21: The Last of Us (HBO) * - Watched the first two episodes out of curiosity, but I’m not sure if I’ll continue because I don’t give a shit about The Last of Us. It’s definitely a well done adaptation, though, even if I know it’s inevitably going to devolve into miserable torture porn with questionable politics if they adapt Part II faithfully. The ending of episode 2 also lines up perfectly with where I stopped in the game in 2013 lmao

3/27: The Future is a Dead Mall - Decentraland and the Metaverse (Folding Ideas) - Another banger from Dan Olson. This time the premise inherently gives him more time to just show off a bunch of stupid ugly bullshit made by crypto guys, which is fun. My main complaint was that I wished he would’ve brought up Second Life more as a point of comparison (a thing I basically always want out of discussion of “the metaverse”), but he at least did touch on it in the last section.

3/31: The Murder of Sonic the Hedgehog - I can’t believe after years of begging for the supporting cast to get more and better material in a Sonic game I got my wish in the form of a freeware murder mystery VN released for April Fools. This kicked ass.

April

4/7: Berserk - Completed Miura’s run and caught up on the chapters that have been released posthumously. It’s hard to say anything that hasn’t been said about Berserk, universally agreed upon as one of the greats of manga and fantasy fiction as a whole. What begins in its first few volumes as a nihilistic and edgy action comic built to facilitate as much sex and gore as possible quickly evolves into something deeply human and vulnerable and beautiful, both figuratively and in terms of its lavish art. The world sucks and is immeasurably cruel, and you will see that cruelty illustrated in graphic, sickening detail repeatedly throughout the series. (Perhaps a little too often throughout the Golden Age, where it feels like Miura never misses an opportunity to threaten Casca with sexual assault mid-battle.) But the point isn’t to wallow in that misery. It’s the story of a victim of horrific abuse learning to slowly open up to others, having those people he cares about torn away from him in the worst night of his life, hardening himself into a cold killing machine, and then slowly learning to open back up again, even if it means leaving himself vulnerable to more hurt. Anyone who says that the series peaked with the eclipse and went downhill in the “Guts’ JRPG Party” era is missing the point. Guts needed to find new people in his life to care about, to begin to find happiness again. Because no matter what unspeakable things Guts has gone through, it’s still possible for him to heal and to be loved. It takes time, but eventually you stop and realize that life has moved on.

4/8: Dedede’s Drum Dash Deluxe - Skipped it upon release because I didn’t particularly care for the minigame in Triple Deluxe, and I didn’t miss much. It’s fine as a little distraction, but not as a standalone rhythm game with only seven songs. If you don’t bother with the hard modes or chase after high scores this game is 15 minutes long. Oh how I yearn for Kirby to get the Theatrhythm treatment.

4/10: The King of Braves: GaoGaiGar FINAL - Eh… It was okay. Lots of cool robot fights, but said fights are stitched together with a mediocre plot that tries too hard to be more “mature” than its unabashedly schlocky kids’ show predecessor. Not crazy about the ending, either, which tries to be a bittersweet farewell closing off the series once and for all while also teasing that maybe there’ll be ANOTHER sequel after the OVA series they literally called “FINAL.” Ah well.

4/11: The Owl House - Sad to see this one go, but it’s hard to imagine them doing a better finale than this, even if they had gotten the six seasons they deserved. I’m not as obsessed with The Owl House as I probably would’ve been had it come out when I was, like, 20, but it’s a really fantastic show for all the reasons people always say. Great characters, great world, great story. I love that this starry-eyed fantasy story about a teenager finding love and a place where she belongs is also set on the rotting corpse of a titan with Hieronymous Bosch-inspired scenery and freaky monsters everywhere. What a great mix. If anything, I just wish I would’ve watched the first season as it aired so I could’ve had more time with it.

4/29: Mega Man Battle Network 3: Blue Version - FINALLY beat this via the new collection, 20 years after playing it as my first Mega Man game. (Technically my first was White, not Blue, but whatever.) There are more annoyances than I remember - lots of really really bad forced backtracking sections where you have to revisit every previous part of the internet, low chip drop rates, some really aggravating bosses like BubbleMan and KingMan, etc. But it’s still a great time overall. It’s Battle Network. In the back half the story gets surprisingly emotional, too. I was always under the assumption that the Hub stuff never came back up much in the story after 1, so I was pleasantly surprised with how relevant it was to the emotional arc of 3.

4/30: Mega Man Battle Network 4: Red Sun * - Yeah I’m not playing through the whole thing lmao. I just wanted to play the first couple hours for nostalgia’s sake, and as a baseline for how much better the rest are. Even before getting deep in the game and having to deal with all the shit gated between doing two new game+ playthroughs, it’s immediately obvious how much of a downgrade this one is. Tons of glaring errors and typos all over the script, blander music, a way more boring aesthetic for the internet, and a premise that mostly just recycles the tournament idea from 3.

May

5/14: The Venture Bros. - Glad I finally sat down and watched all of this with Anthony after having seen one (1) episode as a teenager and a bunch of random clips in the years since. Great show. Some jokes in the early seasons haven’t aged gracefully, but what the show grows into over time... man. Hank and Dean go from being the butt of the joke to being characters you actually sympathize with - while still also being funny little goofballs. And the journey Henchman 21 goes on throughout the show. Man. Amazing that a comedy like this could run for 20 years and maintain its level of quality. Can’t wait for the movie.

5/18: Future Me Hates Me (The Beths) - Okay yeah I’m now just discovering bands through Fortnite lmao. I can’t complain really, they pick some really great indie artists for the in-game radio stations. Anyway: It’s very easy to win me over with a combination of energetic power pop, catchy guitar riffs, and earnest lyrics like this. One of those albums where three or four tracks in I know I have to buy it. Favorite track: Not Running

5/18: Jump Rope Gazers (The Beths) - Ditto. Favorite track: Dying to Believe

5/18: Expert In A Dying Field (The Beths) - Another good album. (I’m listening to these in release order.) I’ve been a bit slower to warm up to this one, initially thinking it was a little too mellow overall, but it might be my favorite after a few listens. Some real high highs. Interestingly, the lead singer’s New Zealand accent is also coming out more in her singing? Favorite track: Your Side (or maybe Head in the Clouds)

5/19: The Super Mario Bros. Movie - As a Mario fan, I think I enjoyed it? As a movie, less so? It was decent, in spite of feeling like they came up with a list of fun action setpieces first and then wrote the absolute bare minimum possible for the story scenes tying it all together. Full thoughts here. (This is the first movie I’ve seen this year, huh? I really don’t watch a lot of movies.)

5/23: Don't Know What You're In Until You're Out (Gladie) - I feel like I don’t like Gladie as much as I should. Their style of noisy indie rock is very much in my wheelhouse, and I do enjoy listening to them, but I dunno. Maybe it’s that the particular style of vocals makes it more monotonous to me. A good album nonetheless, if not 100% my thing. Favorite track: Nothing

5/24: City Slicker (Ginger Root) - Yes I am still making my way through Bandcamp artists I heard on Fortnite don’t @ me. Any excuse to get me to listen to some cool city pop-inspired funk like this is a good excuse. Favorite track: Loretta

5/24: Rikki (Ginger Root) - Favorite track: Why Try

5/25: Spotlight People (Ginger Root) - Favorite track: The Classic

5/29: Succession - A good dramedy series that increasingly focuses more on the drama than the comedy as it progresses, but it’s hard to complain about that since the drama is so compellingly produced. I enjoyed it. That being said, I kind of rankle at the claims that it’s The Greatest TV Show Of All Time. It’s great, don’t get me wrong. Amazing performances all around. But the show LOVES to spin its wheels, to repeat itself, and to let most of its interesting dramatic developments fizzle out before anything really comes of them, almost as if the show is constantly getting bored with its own ideas. To some extent this is intentional - Logan Roy is the untouchable billionaire, his kids fail at everything (but will nonetheless remain billionaires), and in the long run none of them really give a shit about anything other than their own status. But it’s not like things tend to visibly impact anyone else, either, be they supporting characters or the world at large. Even the Big Scary Election, where the Roy siblings are directly responsible for plunging the nation into chaos, ultimately has zero impact on the finale a mere two episodes later. Certain Other Things do have an impact in the last season, though, allowing things to meaningfully change for the cast and for the show to sit with the ensuing drama, which has stopped me from souring on Succession more. There was finally a payoff for something. But it does still kind of feel like a show that goes in circles until it’s ready to call it quits, even if those circles did contain a lot of great acting and music along the way.

5/29: Kipo and the Age of Wonderbeasts - I’d watched the first 12 episodes when they originally released, but I guess the Netflix binge release and the fact that all three “seasons” came out in one year led to me waiting until it finished… and then I just never got around to finishing it. Glad I fixed that! Really fun and stylish cartoon with an art style reminiscent of Teen Titans, a hip hop-filled soundtrack, dynamic fight scenes, and a colorful post-apocalyptic world filled with mutant (mostly anthropomorphic) animals. I’ll admit that at times I do kinda roll my eyes at Kipo’s unshakeable belief that everyone can be friends in a way that I don’t necessarily with similar shows like Steven Universe, and not every joke lands, but I dunno. It’s a kids’ show. That’s to be expected. It doesn’t detract from the overall package for me.

June

6/1: Craig of the Creek (Season 4) - It’s been years and I’m still processing the fact that kids can turn on Cartoon Network and hear Jeff Rosenstock. Anyway! Craig continues to be one of the best cartoons on TV, consistently funny and creative and way more engaging than a show about a bunch of kids LARPing in the woods has any right to be. This season turned into One Piece with the gang effectively hunting down the Poneglyphs in search of a legendary treasure. The kids think it’ll be magic. It isn't. An increasing number of cartoon logic gags aside, this show is firmly set in the real world. Does that make it any less interesting? Hell no. Season 3 turned a game of capture the flag into an all-out five episode war between the heroes and villains, filled with dramatic turnabouts and a climactic guest appearance from Del the Funky Homosapien. I’m sure however they wrap things up in the (sadly shortened) final season, it’ll be great. (Also? I would watch a whole show based on that “what if” episode that jumped forward to everyone’s 20s.)

6/6: Barry - Holy shit, what a show. I ended up binging it in less than a week in a cycle of “okay, just one more episode.” The way this show is able to swing between tones and genres while still feeling like a cohesive whole is truly masterful. It’s a layered character drama, a tragic crime thriller, a farcical comedy, an understated action series, a surrealist morality play, and a scathing satire of Hollywood, all in one. Even within the criminal underworld subplots the show ranges in tone from Breaking Bad to Paddington 2. And it works! While the show naturally gets bleaker over time as it confronts the repercussions of Barry’s murders, it never completely loses sight of its comedic roots. My favorite episode was easily season 2’s “ronny/lily,” a mostly self-contained episode that somehow manages to keep throwing the perfect curveballs to escalate its dark comedy.

6/12: The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring (Extended Edition) - Y’all heard of this movie? Pretty good, it turns out. (I’d seen the theatrical cut before, but this was my first time watching the extended edition. I’ve also only seen parts of the other two movies, so it’s time I finally watch all the extended cuts. The Gollum game pushed me to this.)

6/13: The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers (Extended Edition) - give it to us RAW and WRIGGLING

6/17: The Lord of the Rings: Return of the King (Extended Edition) - I’m not crying YOU’RE crying

6/22: Clone High (Season 2) - While the first episode being about “cancel culture” (or, more accurately, a teenager from 2003 being transported to 2023 and putting his foot in his mouth a lot) put a lot of people off, I ended up enjoying the new season of Clone High. The new clones grew on me as the season went on and their roles in the web of teen romance melodrama crystalized, and it made me laugh a lot, and Cleo/Frida is galaxy brained. Also they played one of my favorite Antarctigo Vespucci songs like a minute into the first episode. I don’t think I could really ask for much more.

6/28: The Mandalorian (Season 3) - I'd been watching this weekly but put off the last episode for no real reason. Responses to this season have been all over the place, but my blistering hot take is… it was fine. Is it as good as the first season? Probably not. But Mando no longer needs to carry the whole franchise on its shoulders and set the bar for how good the live action Disney Star Wars shows can be, because Andor exists, and it’s never gonna top Andor. The Mandalorian is free to just be a pulpy space adventure show where Giancarlo Esposito plays a scenery-chewing cartoon villain and a little puppet does wire stunts. These are things Andor cannot and should not do, but that’s Star Wars, baby. It’s delightful. I could watch Grogu get underhand tossed like a sack of flour all day.

July

7/2: Mobile Suit Gundam: The Witch from Mercury (Season 2) - LOVE WINS. (More nuanced take from way later: It definitely feels like a lot of the more messy political conflicts in this show got swept aside by the big final battle where some more easily resolved family conflicts take center stage. I’m not sure the ending is the most satisfying. But also this show only got half the episode count that damn near every other Gundam show ever made got, so that might be a factor here. Idk. Still one of my favorite Gundams.)

7/4: Final Fantasy XVI (watched Anthony play) - I had to write my longest Medium article ever about this one because I was so frustrated

7/10: Home Movies - “Things I like that I’ve never seen in full” has certainly been a recurring theme this year. Home Movies remains an all-time classic of animated comedy that went out on a high note before things got stale or the characters became parodies of themselves. While it’s mostly known for its funny improvised banter, throughout the last season you can really see the arc where Brendon no longer enjoys making movies, yet he feels obligated to keep using them to escape from the real world. In that light, the ending where the nature of their dysfunctional makeshift family is cemented, Brendon’s camera suddenly breaks, and life moves on really does feel like the perfect note to end on. Truly one of the best to ever do it.

7/15: The Legend of Zelda - Tears of the Kingdom - Wow. Just… wow. I had serious doubts about TotK in the months leading up to release due to how close Nintendo was playing their cards to their chest. I didn’t want this to be a Saints Row IV, where the game is fun enough but the recycled map makes it feel like a rehash. Instead, I found a game that made me look at BotW’s map in a whole new light, brimming with so many more things to do and people to meet. Add on a better, more versatile set of tools, more varied dungeons and bosses, and a story that I felt was told somewhat better and we’ve got a real contender for my new favorite Zelda game. It was hard to tear myself away, but as this list shows, it’s been basically the only game I’ve played since it came out.

7/16: Sonic Prime (Season 2) - I liked the parts with Shadow and Chaos Sonic, but I’ve come to the sad conclusion that most of this show is just mediocre. More thoughts here.

7/18: We ♥ Katamari Reroll + Royal Reverie - “I’m a dog, but I love Katamari Damacy.” Truer words have never been spoken.

7/19: Transformers: Rise of the Beasts - Pretty good! It didn’t blow me away, but after how bad the Bay movies got I’m just thankful to have a decently cohesive Transformers movie where the human story is okay and I like the bots (although half of them needed more screen time), even if it is just another Hollywood blockbuster about two sides fighting over a macguffin that devolves into a big CGI battle against an army of nameless monsters in the third act. This is basically a mid-tier MCU movie but with Transformers, which won’t do much for most people, but again: the bar was underground.

7/22: The Venture Bros.: Radiant is the Blood of the Baboon Heart - God DAMN. A phenomenal ending for the series. While I would have loved to see a full final season to get some more one-off episodes in there, this doesn’t feel creatively compromised in any way–either due to the time constraints, or due to a desire to make it more marketable as a movie. It really does feel like they just took their outlines for the canceled final season and gently massaged them into the shape of an 84-minute movie, and I mean that in the best possible way. It’s completely on par with the previous seasons. A hilarious and fitting sendoff for one of the greats of adult animation.

7/23: Beautiful Katamari - This was one of my first Xbox 360 games, but a frustrating temperature-based level made me put it down for 16 years. “Maybe it won’t be as bad now that I’ve beaten the first two games and am better at Katamari,” I thought. Nope! Still an absolutely dogshit level. But also, turns out the whole game is only like two hours long lmao. It’s still Katamari, so it’s still fun - the final level in particular, which seamlessly takes you from ground level all the way to space, feels like a logical endpoint for the series - but beyond that it just doesn't have the same soul without Keita Takahashi's input.

August

8/4: Doom Singer (Chris Farren) - I’ve been waiting so long for Chris and Jeff to do another Antarctigo Vespucci album, but god damn. This is the best of Chris’s solo work, and a contender for his best record, period. Every track’s a banger, with more energy than some of his previous solo work but also a good deal of variety. Favorite tracks: First Place, Cosmic Leash

8/4: Transformers Earthspark (Season 1) - This show had a bit of an uneven start, unsure if it wanted to have the emotional maturity of a more serious action cartoon or a preschool cartoon where the characters have little kid mood swings and outbursts and learn basic lessons. It also felt like it was speedrunning its Wholesome Found Family Dynamic with characters who just met, which didn’t feel earned. While these problems never completely go away (see: the cheap and corny way the otherwise very dark season finale suddenly resolves), the show improves quickly, and the positives outweigh the negatives. It’s so great to have a Transformers cartoon that feels fresh, giving us a post-war setting with a bunch of new characters and new dynamics between the Cybertronians and the humans. The returning characters are also uniformly great as the old veterans overseeing the new generation. (Reformed Megatron! Danny Pudi as Bumblebee! Steve Blum returning as Starscream! Keith David as Grimlock!!!) And those super dynamic action scenes! I can nitpick, but Earthspark’s a ton of fun, and easily the best new Transformers cartoon since Prime and Animated.

8/5: Ghost Trick: Phantom Detective (remaster) - Everyone who told me this game was a masterpiece was right. I had played the first chapter when it dropped as the demo for the iOS version years ago, but never went further than that until now. What a game. Absolutely incredible through and through. Great story, great twists, great characters, great puzzles, great art direction. Everything comes together so perfectly to form a totally unique, unforgettable package, a top tier video game murder mystery. Everyone should play this, preferably going in as blind as possible.

8/15: It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia (Season 16) - Wow! Recent seasons of Sunny have been kind of up and down, with some interesting experiments (Mac Finds His Pride, the Ireland arc, etc.) paired with some comedic duds. Most of this latest season is standard fare for the series with fewer big creative swings, but it’s just hit after hit in terms of comedy. Not a single dud, whether we’re seeing Mac and Dennis try to start a rental business for inflatable furniture or watching the gang meet Bryan Cranston and Aaron Paul, believing the entire time that the latter is Malcolm from Malcolm in the Middle. Even the attempts at topical comedy landed better. Easily the funniest season in years.

8/16: One Piece Film Gold - It’s easy to see why this one has kind of been forgotten in the wake of Stampede and Film Red, which revolve around established fan favorite characters, but this was still pretty fun. Perhaps a little too long, but it’s fun to see the Straw Hats fool around in a giant casino and do a heist. They definitely cranked the fanservice up even more than usual in this one, though, as I probably should have expected for a movie made alongside the anime’s adaptation of Dressrosa.

8/17: One Piece: Stampede - This one goes for a different kind of fanservice. While most One Piece movies are isolated from the ongoing plot and its expanded cast of characters, Stampede instead asks “What if we just put damn near every active character on the same island and had them fight?” The answer: a fun time! It would get old if all of the movies were like this, but after a bunch of movies that are just like “the Straw Hats are gonna land on another new island and fight some more weird guys” it’s fun to see characters like Law and Buggy and Smoker get in on the fun. It’s also nice to get a movie with the Wano era art style, and Usopp surprisingly gets some really good character moments in here.

8/18: One Piece Film Red - This really is the best of the One Piece movies, huh? (Baron Omatsuri is a close second.) It really feels like a change of pace after the last four with the most interesting and emotionally engaging story out of any of them. And even if the events of these movies are never canon, it still feels significant in my understanding of Shanks as a character as we move into the final phase of the manga.

8/21: Pikmin 4 - The opening hour of the game made me really question if they’d changed too much, with all the focus on your new dog unit over your Pikmin and the extremely dull, drawn out dialogue scenes with your new companions back at the base. But once I got into the swing of things I had a blast. This is probably my new favorite Pikmin game. There’s a great mix of activities here to keep things fresh. I also really ended up liking Oatchi’s role as basically your second captain who can also serve as your tank or a rideable mount. The Dandori stuff and nighttime missions in particular show off how useful Oatchi is for your multitasking without necessarily overshadowing the Pikmin.

8/22: Never Get Tired: The Bomb the Music Industry! Story - I literally backed this on Kickstarter eight years ago (my name is in the credits!) and then never got around to watching it for no reason. It’s on YouTube now, and Jeff’s got a new album out next week, so now feels like the perfect time to watch it. And man… what a great documentary. Obviously I’m just a fan of the band, but this also really spoke to me as an artist. Jeff wanting to stick to his principles and give out his music for free and play cheap all ages shows, his discomfort over the idea of selling merch, and the struggles that come with not playing the game like that… It's hard. They readily admit that Jeff is an idealist, that people fight him on this stuff, that he’s missed out on some big opportunities because of these stances, and that he’s had to compromise a bit on some of these things over time. But that incredible climax with their final show, including a full opening performance of the slowly building “Campaign for a Better Next Weekend” and the closing performance of “Future 86” where the whole audience is singing along as the members of the band are hugging and crying… it’s beautiful. This may have been a band where the members had to go back to their shitty day jobs after every tour because they weren’t selling out arenas, but their art meant something to people, and that makes it all worth it.

8/25: Nimona - I haven’t read the original comic (yet), so I can’t compare them too much, but it’s nonetheless pretty apparent that some things were softened and easy kids’ movie jokes were added by the studio to squeeze this graphic novel for teens into a PG animated movie. Regardless, the emotional throughline hits REALLY hard, particularly the very blatant trans allegory and the climax. (It’s no wonder Disney was afraid of this movie seeing the light of day lmao.) The animation is also very squishy and fun to watch throughout. Great movie.

8/26: Puss in Boots: The Last Wish - Spider-Verse really has done so much for animation, huh? This one was as good as everyone said. Beautiful use of stylized color and lighting throughout, and every time this movie very conspicuously shifted to different framerates for a flashy fight scene it owned. Very cute and heartwarming story, too, which thankfully gave its second act plenty of time to explore the cast and let them go on their journey, unlike a certain plumber movie that came out a few months later. Also I would let Death [redacted]

8/28: Holocure: Save the Fans! - This isn't really something I can beat, but I've been addicted to Holocure lately. I don't even watch VTubers aside from maybe seeing a funny Korone animation every now and then, this is just a really, really good freeware Vampire Survivors clone with a huge roster of varied characters to pick from.

8/31: HELLMODE (Jeff Rosenstock) - A new album from Jeff is always a major event for me. If there were any worries that he was starting to go soft at 40 (because one of the three singles off this album was a gentle acoustic piece), the frantic opening of this album put those worries to rest. The first two tracks are Jeff screaming out for help as he’s pulled in a million directions by the chaotic state of the world, a theme that becomes the thesis of the album. I’d say it lags slightly in the middle, but overall this is another extremely well-rounded record full of bangers that’s unapologetically Jeff, with possibly my favorite closing track he’s ever done. Favorite tracks: I WANNA BE WRONG, 3 SUMMERS

September

9/3: One Piece (live action, Season 1) - They did it. I can’t believe it, but they did it. While I have my nitpicks (Usopp and Sanji don’t get enough big moments to shine), this is an extremely solid and faithful adaptation of the first few arcs of One Piece with a great cast. For the most part the changes feel smart and logical, and the big emotional beats of the story are all there and executed very well. I doubted it a little in episodes 2-4, where the Orange Town and Syrup Village arcs saw some major changes to shift the action indoors, and the increased focus on the drama in favor of repeating every gag and battle from the manga 1:1 took a bit of getting used to, but by the end I was having a blast. It’s a different take on One Piece, but it still feels like One Piece. Genuinely very excited for season 2.

9/4: Pseudoregalia - A great little N64-style 3D Metroidvania focused on platforming and very satisfying movement. I always love entries in the genre that are less prescriptive in what order you have to tackle areas in, a la Symphony of the Night or Hollow Knight, and this one’s great in that regard. While there are a number of new moves to find, most of the map is open to you very early in the game, and smart use of your moveset can allow you to “sequence break” without even realizing it. (You would not believe how long I went without getting the wall run.) I do wish it had a map, but that’s already being patched in.

9/6: Bomb Rush Cyberfunk * - Not a bad game at all, but I quickly remembered how bad I am at skating games, so like… eh? Not sure I have much desire to play past chapter 2. Also the soundtrack is sadly kinda hit or miss for me outside of the obvious Naganuma tunes.

9/9: The History of the Minnesota Vikings (Dorktown) - Jon Bois never misses. Even as someone who doesn’t actively follow sports, Jon Bois is a master storyteller, using graphs and statistics and funny anecdotes to explore these deeply human stories. He can convey why people care so much about these teams, these people, and sports in general, and how our popular sports reflect on American culture. He could tell the story of just about any team or player in any sport and I just know I’ll come out the other side a misty-eyed fan. And what a fascinating cast of characters we have this time, with origin stories for everything from the Hail Mary pass to a Minnesota state supreme court judge to the Griddy. Nine hours well spent.

9/10: Timespinner - A fun and highly polished Metroidvania that maybe doesn’t quite have enough of its own identity in its quest to replicate Symphony of the Night…but also, like, this was pitched as a Symphony throwback on KickStarter in a pre-Bloodstained, pre-Hollow Knight world, so I can’t really blame ‘em! Stopping time to avoid boss attacks is fun, the pixel art is gorgeous, and I liked the dark science fantasy story about warring empires and meddling with time a lot more than I thought I would - lore journal text dumps and all.

9/14: The Decay of Sam & Cat (Quinton Reviews) - All the stuff at the end with Matt Bennett (the actor who played Robbie on Victorious and Sam & Cat) in this was really good and sweet. It’s that kind of thing that makes these videos feel like they’re still worthwhile on some level. But the padding and the things Quinton chooses to spend the colossal runtime on does drive me more and more insane with each passing Nick sitcom video. I don’t know how much longer he can keep this schtick up. I hope he’s able to move on to other things before too terribly long instead of continuing to extend this “miniseries.”

9/19: Marvel’s Spider-Man: Miles Morales - AKA Insomniac’s Marvel’s Spider-Man 1.5. It’s fun for the same reasons Peter’s first game was fun. I had a good time swinging around New York again in preparation for the sequel, and there’s a lot of cute stuff with Miles becoming Harlem’s neighborhood hero, but WOW did the Underground v. Roxxon conflict fall flat for me.

9/20: I Think You Should Leave with Tim Robinson - I understand so many posts now.

9/25: Spider-Man (2002) (rewatch) - It’s you who’s out, Gobby! OUT OF YOUR MIND!

9/25: Futurama (Season 8) - I was ready to be a hater, recalling the fact that Futurama has already had three “perfect endings” with the show getting a little weaker with every revival. Then I watched the first new episode on a whim and thought it wasn’t bad, so I was like, eh, sure, I’ll watch the rest. Overall Hulurama is hit or miss. There are chuckles to be had, and it sure as hell beats modern Simpsons, but almost every episode is either a belated take on an overplayed Topical Issue (the pandemic, Amazon, cancel culture, etc.) or a direct sequel to an old episode people liked. Or both! It’s also really noticeable that certain voice actors sound way older - Billy West is struggling with the Fry voice in particular, and it hurts his comedic timing. But just when all hope seemed lost after the nigh-incomprehensible toy-themed anthology episode, possibly the worst episode of the entire series… the last episode, where the Planet Express crew explores whether or not the universe could be a simulation, was really, really solid. Great note to end on to make me not regret my time with this season as a whole.

9/26: Spider-Man 2 (2004) (rewatch) - Once the GOAT, always the GOAT.

9/27: Spider-Man 3 (rewatch) - Revisiting this movie for the first time since I saw it in theaters… it’s not bad. It’s fine! It continues to have the heart and sincerity that make the first two movies work. It’s just not as concise with three villains vying for the spotlight, but I also wouldn’t cut any of them, necessarily. I guess Eddie/Venom would be the easiest, but Peter getting the black suit and giving in to his resentment feels too central to cut. (Yes, even with Emo Peter becoming a meme.)

9/28: Adventure Time: Fionna and Cake - I wasn’t really sure what to expect with this one, especially since I was never really a fan of the genderbend episodes in the original show. (At the time they mostly just felt like an excuse to crank up the teen romance stuff to 11.) But MAN. This was a fantastic coda to the original series. It made me care about Fionna and Cake and their friends as their own characters separate from their original counterparts, it gave the Simon/Betty arc a much more satisfying (if no less bittersweet) resolution than the original finale had time to do, and it even managed to be a multiverse story that didn’t make me roll my eyes in 2023. A+ all around. Makes me wanna rewatch the original show again. [spoiler: I did]

9/29: Meanwhile (aivi & surasshu) - It’s been a whole decade–they were busy with, you know, all the music in Steven Universe, among other things–but we finally have a new aivi & surasshu album! Their chiptune/piano fusion style is familiar, but they’ve definitely grown as composers in subtle ways. Favorite track: Time Travel

October

10/1: This is Financial Advice (Folding Ideas) - A lot of the nitty gritty finance law stuff turned into white noise for me, but still, great video. I had no idea that the GameStop stock craze devolved into this bizarre cult that thinks they’re going to crash the global economy and rise from the ashes as the new kings with the value of their GME stocks. Glad this video exists to try and balance out the narrative.

10/5: Sonic Frontiers: The Final Horizon DLC - Good ideas, absurdly frustrating and tedious execution. Full thoughts here.

10/10: Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse (rewatch) - I didn’t plan this, but very fitting that I would end up rewatching this on 10/10.

10/12: Half-Life Alyx but the Gnome is Self-Aware (wayneradiotv) - ha he! (Seriously though, that finale was a fucking masterpiece. The RTVS crew has an incredible knack for using the framing device of video game livestreams to blur the lines between comedy and horror, or ironic anti-humor and complete sincerity. I’ve never seen anything else like this.)

10/15: Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse - Not sure how much I can say that hasn’t already been said. The most visually creative movie I’ve ever seen, grounded by some really excellent storytelling about Miles (and now Gwen) that’s probably better than his actual comics. But it also does feel like it’s about to end and then the movie just keeps going like ten times over lmao. Can’t wait to watch this a second time on a better TV.

10/20: Sonic Superstars - A mostly really solid and fun 2D Sonic game that’s unfortunately dragged down by an extremely hodgepodge soundtrack and some overly drawn out boss fights. I spent HOURS trying to beat the final boss of the bonus scenario (which is required for the true ending in this one) before giving up. Really a shame that that’s the note I’m leaving the game on, because I otherwise enjoyed it, but ah well. More thoughts here.

10/27: Marvel’s Spider-Man 2 - Another good Spider-Man game from Insomniac. Liked the story more than the one in Miles Morales, but maybe not as much as the first game. Extensive thoughts here.

10/28: Venom - Was in the mood for more Venom after the game. As expected this was not a very good movie, but the dynamic between Eddie and Venom made it a fun watch. Tom Hardy is constantly about to shit his pants in this movie. It’s great.

10/28: Venom: Let There Be Carnage - I had a way better time with this one. Is this a good movie? No. But it cranks the insanity of the first movie up to 11. Goofy as fuck in an extremely watchable way.

November

11/5: Pluto - An absolutely masterful series that anyone interested in sci-fi needs to watch. The anime adaptation was great, and I immediately understand why people who’ve read the manga speak so highly of it. Really makes me want to get into Astro Boy more, and also read some of Urasawa’s other works.

11/18: Scott Pilgrim Takes Off - Wow, just wow. When news of a Scott Pilgrim anime broke I was cautiously curious to see if we’d get a more direct adaptation of the comics, and instead it veered off in the exact opposite direction in the best way possible. This is almost entirely a different story, one that’s in conversation with the previous versions (sometimes in very meta ways), and I think it’s really valuable to see O’Malley revisiting these characters with new things to say about them. The major story divergence gives us a chance to examine the characters from a new angle - particularly Ramona, who’s the real protagonist of this version, and the evil exes, who completely steal the show. This was a great reminder of why I fell in love with this series as a teenager. I now genuinely hope we get more Scott Pilgrim.

11/22: Void Rivals (Issues #1 - #6) - The first arc of the new Robert Kirkman series that kicked off Skybound’s new “Energon Universe” is now complete, and I’m left thinking Void Rivals is… okay? I thought the first issue was a decent (if not particularly original) sci-fi comic with an appealing art style, which just so happens to also briefly have a Transformer in it so there can be a Big Surprise. And the series still hasn’t quite shaken that feeling to me. It’s an okay sci-fi series that arbitrarily dedicates a couple of pages of every issue to something from Transformers, but I’m not really sure what the shared universe stuff adds to Void Rivals, or what Void Rivals adds to Transformers and GI Joe. I guess we’ll have to wait and see.

11/22: Journey to EPCOT Center: A Symphonic History (Defunctland) - Yeah, gotta be honest, I only got halfway through this one. It seems like Kevin just 1) really wanted to push himself creatively and 2) make a love letter to Epcot, and while I respect that, I think it suffers as a historical documentary. It’s Fantasia but for the creation of Epcot. That might be very impressive on a technical level, but it feels more like a piece of Disney propaganda than prior Defunctland videos due to a lack of context and nuance.

11/24: Aperture Desk Job - A short, sweet, and funny little tech demo for my new Steam Deck set in the Portal universe. More effort was definitely put into this than was strictly necessary.

11/26: ESCHATOS - I am not good at bullet hell games, but I enjoy them from time to time and I really love this one’s FM synth soundtrack, so I picked it up on a whim in the Steam sale. I only beat it on Easy, but still, I had a lot of fun with it! It’s straightforward but very flashy, with the camera dynamically zooming around from set piece to set piece at ridiculous speeds and each level segueing directly into the next. The lack of a powerup system on the main mode in favor of just needing to know when to use your different shot types makes it feel very approachable.

11/27: Lunistice - A great little 3D platformer with a good soundtrack that I had fun hunting down all the secrets in. This is an easy recommendation for fans of games like Kirby or Klonoa - whimsical games set in colorful dream worlds where the underlying story can get a bit more somber. (Although the story in this one is mostly told through mildly cryptic lore dumps, so your mileage there may vary.)

11/28: Spark the Electric Jester 2 - The leap from 2D to 3D here is impressive, but this is very clearly a rough draft for Spark 3. Very, very fun Sonic-style 3D platforming, but the combat is lacking and the storytelling is just kinda bad. More extensive thoughts on this and the above two games here.

December

12/2: Fortnite (Chapter 4) - This was my first full chapter of Fortnite, after having been roped into the game by the siren songs of Zero Build mode and Goku during Chapter 3. This means it’s harder for me to compare this chapter to previous ones, but still, Fortnite remains a genuinely very well made Battle Royale shooter that’s a blast with friends. If I have any complaint about this Chapter, it’s that they would regularly introduce zany ideas and then slowly reel them back in, whether it was the Augment system or the increasingly mundane movement items. It also felt like it was a little too easy to get the perfect loadout in every match, meaning the final showdown would almost always be against players with Slurp Juice and gold shotguns. And I missed the smaller mid-season map updates of Chapter 3. But overall I still had a really good time, and look forward to playing more for the foreseeable future.

12/4: Plagiarism and You(Tube) (HBomberguy) - This will get written off by many as “YouTuber drama,” but this really is an excellent video essay that feels like the kick in the pants that YouTube needs. If video essayists are gonna be a major source of information for so many, then they gotta have standards. I also think it does a good job of highlighting the people that have been plagiarized and trying to drive more attention their way in an attempt to right those wrongs.

12/6: Transformers (Skybound comic) - We only got the first three issues of this in 2023, but I just HAVE to say something about how incredible this series is here. Daniel Warren Johnson is knocking it out of the park. This is the new bar for Transformers. The hand-inked art is extremely dynamic and full of character, and the story is using the familiar beats of G1 Transformers but doing very new things with them. You can tell this from the very first page, but the emotional scene of Optimus accidentally crushing a deer in the forest and realizing how fragile life is on Earth sealed the deal for me. And yet in the very same comics Optimus can do suplexes and clotheslines and lord knows how many other wrestling moves on Decepticons, and it doesn’t feel like tonal whiplash? These comics just fucking rule, and anyone with even the slightest interest in Transformers should be reading them.

12/8: What We Do in the Shadows (Season 5) - [spoilers] WWDITS has very much settled into being a status quo show. Every season has its own little arc where one or two things change to keep things interesting, but then everything returns to normal by the end. Guillermo finally becoming a vampire, only to become a human again in the end, might just be the most egregious example of this yet. But also… the show’s still really funny? And I continue to be happy that Kristen Schaal has stuck around as a series regular as the Guide. So it’s hard to complain. I could see the show running out of steam over the next few seasons, but it’s still hitting for me right now.

12/12: Pony Island - Finally got around to this since the trailer for the sequel dropped. I feel like playing this years later in a post-Inscryption world where Pony Island is a known quantity kind of lessens its impact, but still, it’s a fun and funny puzzle game where you try to hack your way out of a possessed arcade machine. I’m not sure I found it particularly scary, but I’m not sure it’s supposed to be? The way the game messes with you during the Asmodeus “boss fight” was probably the highlight for me. I also like being able to say things like “The part where you have to not kill Jesus was so hard. I kept getting terrible butterfly patterns.”

12/16: Breaking Bad VR but the AI is Self-Aware (wayneradiotv) - As always, Wayne and co.’s commitment to the bit is unrivaled. This kind of got interpreted as just a way to troll HLVRAI fans, but so many moments in this genuinely made me laugh out loud.

12/18: Soul of Sovereignty Prelude - As someone who would list Cucumber Quest as a big creative influence, I was naturally very excited for this first chapter of GGDG’s new visual novel. Their mentality of both scaling things back in terms of labor while also going more shamelessly self-indulgent in terms of storytelling after burning out on making webcomics has really spoken to me, and WOW, the end result of that new process of theirs is shaping up to be something really special. The art and music are sparse but extremely evocative, giving you the rough sketch of the world and letting your mind fill in the rest. The story blends literary high fantasy vibes with the style of fantasy seen in ‘90s JRPGs (you can definitely tell this came from an idea for an RPG), but rather than constantly winking at the audience and making self-aware video game references it plays these storytelling ideas extremely sincerely, giving them real dramatic weight while still indulging in fun tropes to their fullest extent. While it’s a far cry from their most famous work with much more mature content, GGDG always excels at creating characters and worlds that immediately grab me. I can’t wait for the rest.

12/18: Barbie - I’m only… what, five months late for the whole Barbenheimer thing? Perfect timing. Anyway! On the one hand, I get the critiques saying that this movie is just a major corporation funding a self-aware feminist critique of their own product as a marketing ploy. And I kinda agree with that. And the movie is a little too long, and I don’t really know what to think of the way the Barbie/Ken conflict plays out. Anthony asked me to summarize what the story ended up being about, and I had no idea what to even say. But also… I did still like the movie? We don’t get a lot of cartoonish, absurdist, fourth wall breaking comedies like this anymore, and this is a good one of those. Also the whole cast is great, the set design is kind of stunning, and the cinematography is consistently appealing. I wouldn’t say it’s a revolutionary work of feminist filmmaking by any stretch, but it’s a good comedy movie.

12/21: Dr. Stone: New World - Man, Dr. Stone is great. I’ve said this many times, but I just love that this series uses all the trappings of shounen that would normally be used to hype up the protagonist learning a new move to instead hype up things like the protagonist building a loom or a hot air balloon. It’s shounen Bill Nye. I didn’t completely love everything about the Treasure Island arc this season, but it all built towards a really fun climax with a lot of satisfying turnabouts where the heroes use their ingenuity to just barely win.

12/23: The History of Mike Tyson’s Punch-Out World Records (Summoning Salt) - Truly one of my favorite Summoning Salt videos ever, even with how repetitive Punch-Out can get to watch. It’s just so hard to beat “and that runner… was me.”

12/24: Super Mario Bros. Wonder - What more can be said that hasn’t already been said? It’s the best and most creative 2D Mario game since the ‘90s. The only real flaws are that it’s a little easy, the Search Party stages are annoying in singleplayer, and I wish that every boss prior to the final boss wasn’t just some form of Bowser Jr. fight. But those aren’t nearly enough to drag the whole experience down. It was a blast.

12/24: Do a Powerbomb! - Got this from Anthony as a birthday present. This is the previous series by the creative team currently doing the new Transformers comics I was gushing about a few entries ago. Even with the high bar set by those comics, Do a Powerbomb! exceeded my expectations. Holy shit. An absolutely entrancing fantasy wrestling miniseries full of dynamic, energetic action and tons of heart. These comics where a guy wrestles a giant talking orangutan almost made me cry. Twice. An instant favorite.

12/25: Adventure Time (rewatch) - We ended up finishing our rewatch of Adventure Time (the main series, anyway) on my 30th birthday, which feels appropriate. I already kinda knew this, but this rewatch has truly confirmed that Adventure Time is my favorite TV series of all time. The entire show is even better on a full series rewatch. In hindsight, even parts that annoyed me when they aired end up being important parts of the beautiful tapestry that is this series. The many low points of Finn’s adolescent love life are important stepping stones in his growth as a person, which leaves him in an extremely satisfying place by the end. Jake having kids didn’t get to be a huge status quo change because they grew up instantly, but then they did a bunch of fun episodes about Jake’s relationships with his adult children that deepened him as a character. And most of the big lore questions they kept teasing over the years (“Where’d the humans go?” “Who are Finn’s parents?” “When’s Finn gonna get a robot arm?” etc.) ended up getting satisfying and creative answers, because the show left itself the room to figure those things out later. This is a truly special, one-of-a-kind series, one that lasted nearly 300 episodes and yet still seems like it was over too soon. And yes, I did in fact cry during the final montage, like I knew I would. I will always cherish this show with all of my heart.

12/25: Olive the Other Reindeer (rewatch) - Haven’t seen this one since I was a kid! It was a favorite of mine back then, and while it might not be quite as funny as I remember it’s still very cute, with a 2D/3D hybrid art style that remains very unique and appealing. As an adult I can also appreciate the cast they got for this, with like half the cast of Futurama bolstered by guests like Michael Stipe from REM and The Sopranos’ Joe Pantoliano.

12/26: Guillermo Del Toro’s Pinocchio - Anthony and I capped off our Christmas with the most jolly and festive stop motion movie of all! Jokes aside, man, what a beautiful movie. The animation is immaculate, and we really just don’t get children’s animated films like this anymore. Ones that overtly feature real world politics and religion and so many other dark themes in a way that doesn’t talk down to kids or sugarcoat things. This one hits hard. We need more movies like this.

12/31: Oppenheimer - This was an interesting one. Despite being three hours, the way that first hour jumps around in time makes it feel like Oppenheimer is constantly being propelled forward through life at a breakneck pace, swept up by the rising tide of nationalism in spite of his personal left wing politics, never really reflecting on what he’s doing until it’s too late. Then when he’s no longer useful to the empire, he’s chewed up and spat out, only to eventually be honored as a national hero as a symbolic gesture. It’s a compelling story. However, I’m a little torn on how certain aspects of history were framed. Does the abstraction of the bombings detract from the true weight of those events, in favor of sympathizing with the man who built the bomb? Or is it clever a way to show how the realities of the war were compartmentalized away by people who were complicit in its most heinous acts of violence? One minute a bunch of physicists are talking theory, thousands of miles away from the theaters of war, and the next they’ve killed 200,000 people. So which is it? Eh, probably somewhere in the middle, I guess. But I liked it overall.

12/31: Kirby’s Return to Dream Land Deluxe - I’ve been really surprised by how good this rerelease is. It kind of flew under the radar for me. I liked the original game, but at the time it also almost felt like the New Super Mario Bros. of Kirby. It was a straightforward throwback game where you went through a grass world, then a desert world, then a water world, etc., and also they added four player co-op. But returning to this one after the kinda mid Star Allies has made me appreciate just how solid RtDL is as a Kirby game. I really like the updated graphics, too - yes, even the new cel shaded outlines around the characters - even though I didn’t think it looked that great in screenshots. Also the two new copy abilities (Sand and Mecha) are fun, the minigame collection is shockingly fleshed out to the point that they could’ve sold it as a standalone eShop game, the collectible character masks are fun, and the new epilogue mode where you play as Magolor is one of the coolest bonus modes they’ve ever done. This is a top tier Kirby remake any fan of the series should check out.

Ongoing things I followed in 2023 that don't have a blurb:

Halo Infinite multiplayer

IDW Sonic the Hedgehog (main series + specials)

One Piece

Chainsaw Man

My Hero Academia (not caught up)

The JOJOlands (not caught up)

Things I started in 2023 that I still need to finish:

Freedom Planet 2

Hi-Fi Rush

Live A Live

Super Monkey Ball: Banana Mania

Star Wars Jedi: Fallen Order

Picross 3D Round 2

Rhythm Heaven MegaMix

Mega Man Battle Network 5: Team ProtoMan

Ratchet & Clank: Rift Apart

Spark the Electric Jester 3

Sonic Dream Team

One Piece (Wano arc, anime)

Jujutsu Kaisen season 2 (I’ve already read the Shibuya arc already in the manga, though)

Astro Boy (2003 anime)

Futurama (original run rewatch)

One Piece (manga reread)

The Amazing Spider-Man (Lee/Ditko era)

Scott Pilgrim series (reread)

And finally... my favorites of 2023!!!

Overall favorite game: The Legend of Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom

Favorite indie game: Pseudoregalia

Games remastered in 2023 that are now among my all-time faves: Ghost Trick: Phantom Detective, We Love Katamari

Most pleasant surprise in gaming: The Murder of Sonic the Hedgehog

Favorite film: Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse

Favorite live action show: Barry

Favorite anime: Pluto

Favorite anime written by a Canadian guy and an American guy based on the Canadian guy's old graphic novel series: Scott PIlgrim Takes Off

Favorite live action adaptation of an anime that I still can't believe they didn't fuck up: One Piece

Favorite Western cartoon: Adventure Time: Fionna & Cake

Favorite older cartoon I only got around to watching in its entirety this year: The Venture Bros.

Favorite documentary: Double Fine PsychOdyssey

Favorite semi-improvised semi-scripted absurdist comedy/horror/tragedy Twitch livestream performance art thing: Half-Life Alyx but the Gnome is Self-Aware finale (wayneradiotv)

Favorite manga: Chainsaw Man

Favorite older manga that I only read this year: Berserk

Favorite Western comic book: Daniel Warren Johnson's Transformers

Favorite album: HELLMODE (Jeff Rosenstock)

And that's a wrap!!!!! Happy new year, everyone! Here's to me maybe actually reading a goddamn book this year

#bobby writes #i don't have a writing tag so i'm making one now to save this and other things

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bad268 · 9 months

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4+1 (Arthur Leclerc X Reader)

Fandom: RPF/Formula 2/3

Requested: Yeah on Wattpad (look at me actually checking my wattpad messages woah)

Warnings: none.

Pronouns: You/Your/They/Them

W.C. 2113

Summary: The 4 times the reader surprised Arthur and the 1 time Arthur surprised the reader (plus a bonus scene).

As always, my requests are OPEN

MASTERLIST // HITLIST

~(^Pinterest but I'm pretty sure Carla posted it too)

1) Austria 2021

The weekend was not off to a good start, and that’s what caused you to drop everything to go to Austria. Qualifying did not go the best for Arthur, but where he qualified left him with a great opportunity for points, starting in fourth place.

You should have listened to your gut when it said something was going to happen this weekend. Instead, you were at work when Lorenzo called you, saying that Arthur had been gone off the track and had to retire early, and he was beating himself up over it.

You told your supervisor that you needed to head out and that you would do work remotely for the remainder of the weekend and probably the next week. They let you go without a hitch, so you were on the next flight out.

When you landed, Race 2 was just about to start. Lorenzo came and picked you up, taking you to the track and into the Prema garage. Arthur was starting down in 27th place. He was already in the car doing the formation lap, so after greeting most of the team, you asked if you could wish him luck over the radio. Thankfully enough, Rene was there and let you use his headset, but told you to make it quick.

“Bonjour mon amour (Hello my love),” You said as soon as you had the headset on. “Bonne chance, je t’aime (Good luck, I love you).”

“Wait, what are you doing here, mon beau (my beauty)? I thought you had work,” he responded immediately as he pulled around one of the last corners.

“Came to surprise you, but I need you to focus on the race now,” You replied with a small, shy smile as the team was listening in on the conversation. “I want you to do what you do best. You’ve got this.”

2) Silverstone 2022

At the beginning of the week, you were not sure if you would be able to make it to Silverstone in time for the feature race. Nothing seemed to line up, so you had told Arthur you would not be able to make it.

However, it seemed like the world was working for you when everything you had to do worked itself out by Thursday night. The weekend shifts that you could not find coverage for were canceled due to overstaffing, your assignments’ due dates were pushed back another weekend, and flights just went on sale. It just seemed like everything was working for you.

Immediately, you got on the first flight out Friday morning to London. Just before taking off, you texted Lorenzo, knowing that Arthur was most likely in his practice or qualifying session. You sent Lorenzo your flight info quickly before shutting off your phone for takeoff.

Landing in London, it did not take you long to meet up with Lorenzo since you only packed a carry-on. You were able to get right off the plane and meet up with Lorenzo in arrivals. He took you back to the rental car and you stopped off to get food before arriving in the F1 paddock where Arthur was hanging out with Charles in between races

You saw him standing against the doorway of Charles’s room with his race suit tied around his waist. You walked up behind him, immediately wrapping your arms around his waist as you hid your face in his shoulders. Arthur stopped talking abruptly, confused at who was hugging him until he turned around and saw your familiar hair color against his chest.

“You said you had work, liar,” Arthur gasped as he lifted you and held you against his body.

“What happened to ‘hello’ or ‘how are you’ or ‘I missed you’?” You laughed once he finally set you down. You leaned in to place a small kiss on his lips before whispering, “I couldn’t miss this. I always try my best to support you.”

3) Australia 2023

You recently got a new job that would allow you to travel with Arthur, but he didn’t know about it yet. It was only finalized it on the Tuesday before the race. You were hired by Ferrari to be their social media coordinator for their academy drivers specifically, and it was a ticket to follow him around for the season.

You had flown with him to Australia for the race, but you told him in advance that you would need to be doing work during the weekend. You told Arthur that morning that you had an early morning meeting which was not a lie, but he did not know it was at the track. By the time Arthur arrived at the track for prerace, you had already gotten acquainted with everyone and were in a grove.

You two didn’t actually run into each other for a while because you were following Fred around, listening to everything he wanted from you before actually getting on with your job. About halfway through the day, Arthur wanted to call you, but he was pulled into a meeting before he could actually dial your number.

Upon arriving in the Ferrari garage, Arthur sat next to Ollie off to the side. They were told it was a basic meeting to go over a new social media plan. The last thing Arthur expected was to see you walk in beside Fred.

His eyes grew wide as his jaw dropped, causing Ollie to chuckle beside him. “Don’t you have a significant other?” Ollie whispered to Arthur. The man in question just ignored his friend.

You looked around the room, almost immediately making eye contact with Arthur. A wide smile spread across your lips as you waved shyly at him.

“Everybody this is Y/n,” Fred introduced you, “They will be working with the academy drivers for their social media.”

Needless to say, when Arthur got his maiden F2 podium, the fans could definitely tell who was your favorite driver.

4) Monaco 2023

It was his home race in his own backyard. How could you not attend? Not only did you love the atmosphere of the Monaco Grand Prix, but it was his first time racing in his home country. Let alone, down the street from his house!

The F2 race had started a few minutes ago, and you were on your way back to the F2 paddock. You had run a little long with Dino’s post-race pictures, so you weren’t there for the start of Arthur’s race. You felt horrible.

You felt your heart sink when you heard the clashing of metal and the gasping of spectators. You glanced up at the big screen, and the one car you did not want to see was shown losing control and crashing into the barriers. It was the Dams number 12, Arthur.

You and Arthur would jokingly poke fun at the Monaco Curse, as Charles referred to it, but you never thought it would affect Arthur. It’s times like this when you really wish you never made those jokes in the first place. You unintentionally manifested this.

By the time Arthur got back to the garage, you had an icepack at the ready. Despite him already having stopped by the medic tent, you knew that an icepack wouldn’t hurt. Especially with how hard the impact was, his head was bound to hurt.

You stood in the back of the garage, updating the FDA social media as you waited for him. When he did, he immediately put his helmet to the side, giving you a sad smile as he approached you. You looked back at him, offering an encouraging smile in return as you opened your arms for him. Arthur did not need to be told twice as he collapsed in your arms as soon as the space was available. You ran one hand up and down his back as you kissed his temple held that was already forming a bruise before holding the icepack to it gently.

“You don’t have to say anything right now,” you whispered as you twirled some of the hairs at the nape of his neck, knowing it calmed him down, “Just know, I am so incredibly proud of you. You did amazing while you were out there, and trust me, next year, you’ll come back stronger.”

+1) Las Vegas 2023

Being from Las Vegas meant that you wanted to attend the grand prix that was taking place in your backyard. Despite not actually racing in it, Arthur was planning on going anyway to support Charles, so you convinced them to bring you along as a tour guide of sorts.

That being said, they all knew you were coming. There was nothing to surprise anyone with. At least, that’s what you thought. Arthur decided it was his turn to surprise you. He did not have all of the specifics settled, but he knew for certain that he wanted to propose to you.

It was Friday afternoon, and despite being on the track until 5 that morning, you still dragged Arthur out of the hotel by 2 to explore. You knew for certain you wanted to take him for slushies and to your favorite place to people-watch: Fashion Show Mall.

“It is way too early to get drunk,” Arthur laughed as he took a drink of the large slushie you two were sharing as you walked hand-in-hand through the streets of Sin City. “And this is comically big.”

“1, that's what she said. 2, it's not that high in alcohol percent. 3, we’re sharing it. And 4, it’s never too early to get drunk when you’re not the one driving,” you chuckled as you pulled him up the rainbow stairs to the top level. There was a grass patch that you loved to sit on while growing up, and it was the perfect spot to overlook the entire city. “This is basically where I grew up. I didn’t have many friends, but I would watch everyone from up here after school. It’s a nice view as long as you don’t look straight down.”

He followed you to the grass and jokingly fell beside you with his head in your lap when you sat down. He smiled up at you, causing you to chuckle, as he held your hand in his.

“Your hand is cold,” He whispered.

“I’ve been holding the slushie since Elvis Presley Boulevard,” you joked, “I wonder why?”

“I can warm it up,” He joked back as he took your hand in both of his as he placed small kisses along your knuckles. You closed your eyes and threw your head back as you laughed at his antics until you felt a foreign object being slid onto your finger. You looked down at Arthur to see him smiling smugly up at you as you noticed the object was a ring, and Arthur had placed it on your left ring finger. “I’ve been trying to find the words, but I couldn’t wait any longer. Mon amour, you are my best friend and you have been by my side for as long as I can remember. You always surprise me, so I thought it was my turn. Will you marry me?”

“You’re crazy, Arthur,” you cried as you hid your face behind your right hand, your left hand still being held tightly by Arthur. His face dropped, thinking you were turning him down, but before he could try to remove the ring, you continued, “You’re crazy for thinking I would say anything but yes!”

Bonus scene: Average screen time

“Your screen time is more than five hours,” Olli Calwell read off as part of the challenge they were doing for the Prema Racing YouTube channel. It was a little game to see who uses social media more.

“I know, I check mine every day. I have a problem,” Paul laughed as he pulled out his phone immediately. Arthur looked off to the side where you were sitting as he chuckled, knowing his screen time was through the roof because of the Facetime calls you do every weekend.

“Mine is 13 hours,” Arthur spoke up. Both Olli and Paul’s eyes grew wide in shock as they snapped over to him, questioning if that was really his average. “Yes, look!” Arthur spins his body around to show the other two his screen time as you also lean forward a bit to see, and he’s right. It was 13 hours on average, causing you to laugh to yourself.

“Are you okay?” Olli asked and that’s what broke your cover. The fans heard you laughing in the background of the video and immediately spammed the comments asking about you. That’s when you decided to go public with Arthur.

~~~~~

#arthur leclerc x reader #arthur leclerc #arthur x reader #arthur leclerc imagine #arthur leclerc fluff #formula 3 x reader #formula 2 x reader #formula 2 imagine #formula 3 imagine #f2 x reader #f2 imagine #f2 #f3 x reader #f3 imagine #f3 #bad268 #ship268 #thing268

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chemicallady · 11 months

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Heyyy, would you possibly be able to do a Noah Sebastian story that is like a brothers best friend dynamic? I live eat and breathe this stuff lol

I WANNA FEEL LOVE AGAIN

Couple: Noah Sebastian x Fem!Reader

Content Warning: slight mention of sexual intercorse. Nothing too deep, I'm saving it for next Chapters

Summary: you're a real mess, your life is turning into a living hell, so your brother Matt convinces you to move in with him in LA and start working for the band he's taking care of

A/N: I dont wanna spoil to much in here, because... Well, you' ll see. English is not my native language and no one peer review this ff. It's gonna be a world of fun, I already know it!

Important! I don't know Noah or Matt or any of the real people portrayed un this story. This is fictional!

Enjoy then 😏

Ouch, I've lost myself again

You've always been around, unseen. Having a brother like Matt could be a blessing and a nightmare in equal parts. You were feeded with stories about gigs and musicians while grow up with your older brother, who is dear to you in a way that actually you cant explain. Matt as always been your twin flame even if you are younger than him. You grew up looking at him with a lot of respect and it broke your heart when he left Texas, moving to California. At the time you werent ready for the big change and your brother's friend were still a bit mysterious to you.

You were used to spend as much time as possible in his company, but with this fresh start for him, you just fell into the ordinary. Nothing against your life, by the way; your parents always supporting, best friends ready to drive you to the closer pub and deliver the best night possible, a lovely boyfriend who adored you in any meaning.

You loved the shit out of Shawn. He was your person, the one always there when you were in need. Your high school sweetheart. Maybe he wasnt your first kiss or your first fuck but he was the one who made you feel like it was worthy, living for someone else. The one who pushed you to improve yourself for your own sake, that helped you in finding a job for the local tattoo shop as a piercer when the school was over.

You did everything in your power to be the best girlfriend possible. You decoreted your shared flat in the warmest way possible. You turned down a good scholarship for that college in Montana, pissing your parents and brother for this lost opportunity. You gave up to your dream to be a writer because he had to stay in Texas and take care of his mom. You helped him through the loss, when she die.

But it wasn't enough.

You loved the shit out of Shawn and he loved you in return, but it wasn't enough.

Your relationship suffered a slow, agonizing death with multiple attempt of reanimation. Vacations togheter, a bigger flat, a cat.

Nothing compensate the distance between the two of you and he was the one brave enough to call it for a quit. You knew was gonna happen but it didn't hurt you less. Moving back to your parents, while quitting your job just to avoid to meet him everyday, took you to the bottom. Then the shutdown decided to kick you while you were already down, spending days in bed just listen music or watching anime whitout any chance to go out with your friends or for just a walk.

Everyone was really worried about you. You lose weight and that energy that always marked you.

And you stayed there, drowing in your own misery until Matt decided that enough was enough.

《 Pack your shit, you're moving in with me to LA. You're done making mom and pops that upset.》

The end of fall 2021 signed your rebirth. Matt found a bigger apartment for the two of you and Lucifurr, your vicious black cat which has an obsession in chewing cables and destroy everything paper made. You have always want to leave nearby the ocean and Malibu had a ton of opportunities to offer you. You started a yoga class the same week you moved, in order to make some new friends. Accoding to Matt, there are a lot of things to do around the band he is working with, Bad Omens.

You offer yourself as a merchgirl, but since you're a good writer an even better in tolerate people bullshit (you have to be karmatic, all the teens who came to get a piercing to the shop have always made a scene in front of needles), you could be perfect as a PR/assistant for the band. You remember them barely because someway somehow, these are the guys who steal all the time Matt has. Time that you never get.

You remember this four guys with long hair, basic metalheads, except for the drummer. You remember when you gave him the nostril after a show in 2015, maybe 16, and he took it like a champ whitout complaining. You remember the singer, this slenderman type of guy with beautiful long hair that looks like silk. You've never felt more envy of someone else hair like that. And also the other three guys were nice, especially Vincent. The only one who you can connect to a familiar face because you two got a nice conversation on tattoos when you visited Matt, three years ago.

They are nice.

You've heard stories about them at every phone call.

But still, thieves of precious moments that you want have again in your life again between you and your brother.

All the missing birthday, all the call postponed due to technical issues. He wasn't there to pick up your pieces when Shawn get a rid of you.

And Matt wasn't supposed to, but being selfish, you wish he was there.

But he is now and this is enough to bring the light back to your life. The long talks after dinner, movie nights, everything is back to the normal between you two since you moved and it's restoring.

With this wave of good mood, even if you havent forgotten Shawn yet, you enroll to gym, so you can work out after yoga.

And is in this specific place that you meet Eric.

The first time you caught him lurking at you you were running on the thremill.

There is something familiar in him but still, you dont know anyone in LA. You were the one who actually landed the first conctact with this new alien subject, so introvert to avoid your eyes.

《 Today is hot as hell, right?》

Talking about the weather is the easiest card to play. He smiled a bit shily to you before answering. 《 Don't tell me, I hate how hot is in here. Are you new? I've never seen you around》

《 I just moved in with my brother, actually. 》

《 You're a southie for sure. I like your accent.》

You giggle at his words, while he gets some confidence, passing a hand through this short hair. 《 you got me. You don't sound californian as well》.

《 Maybe because I'm not》. There was a moment in which he seemed to be doubtful, like he changed his mind and he didn't want actually to talk with you. He looked at you with a weird expression, like he realised something was off. 《 What's your name?》, he asked then, almost suspicious.

And then you lied. You rarely give your real name to strangers. A self defence mechanism for girls. 《 Vanessa. You?》

He looked more relaxed, 《 Eric.》

《 Nice to meet you Eric... Do you know a nice bar around? 》

《 Maybe I know a place 》 he reflected, smiling a bit malicious. He was definitely flirting. 《 Can offer you a beer or something? Just to welcome you in town.》

You are not ready for a new story yet, but after almost a year after you broke up with Shawn, you needed at least some human conctact. Eric was nice with you since the beginning. He invited you to this dive bar after the gym a couple of times, not far from your place. He paid for you a couple of cocktails while having a real nice Conversation. A superficial one, about the tattoos that covered him. About living in LA. You mentioned your brother a couple of times and he talked about his roomates and all the crazy things they have done during the pandemic.

He told you he is a Producer and you told him you're still unemployed.

One way or another, he got closer to you in a matter of days. And when he kissed you, you obliged and kiss him back. One thing leaded to another and the two of you ended fucking in the back of his SUV. And oh boy... you needed it so much. It was a quickie, but he seemed to be promising. His long fingers stimulated you untill you cried out for pleasure. His mounth divoured you inch by inch. And his cock....

He knew how to use it, let's say that.

After, he gave you his number and the two of you planned to see each other by the end of the week, at the gym, after your yoga class and his class of jujitsu....

The morning after you're fresh and relaxed like you weren't in months. Matt tends to be overprotective so you didn't told him about Eric while you were having breakfast. You need to know this guys deeply before accept that you know have a situationship. And your brother doesn't need to know about you screacting you itchies.

He has a hot temper when someone looks at his dear little sis.

After breakfast you got ready to meet the band again after almost three years.

《 I can't believe Vincent quitted. He was the nicest.》

Matt sighs while driving to the guys' house, mentally focused on the traffic. 《 youll see him when we'll be in Virginia, don't worry. 》

Your eyes slip on streets and houses, wards and parks but you still feel like You're in a new country. You don't know how much it will take to get used to California.

《 here we are》 , Matt says, parking. 《 let's refresh the rules.》

《 Oh c'mon, I'm not twelve anymore》

《 y/n 》

《 alright! I don't have to embarrass you while you're free to be mean on me. I don't have to embarrass myself talking shit just because I'm nervous and if the music sucks, I can't tell your precious Noah.》

《 You can do better but, more or less, that's it. Lets go. I need another coffe and maybe something sweet before start to film the music video. 》

It's so weird filming inside a house and not in a proper set but all this low budget bullshit are quite the normal for small bands, you think.

You have to be their assistant and eventually a PR- so Matt can stop to bitching on twitter all the time- and you know nothing about bands.

According to Matt, you're going to learn quick.

According to Matt. You know that he picked you up for the job so he can force you to write what he wants.

And continuing to bitch around through you.

The guitar player greets you at the door and introduces himself again as Jolly. The rest of the guys minus Noah are in the garage. It's marvelous how Orie, one of the guys who lives here, a director, reorganize the space with tubes and flashlight.

《 What's the name of the song, again? 》 you ask to Nick Folio, whos already youre favorite.

《 Artifical Suicide》 it's the answer, while he takes his place back behind the drums.

《So emo》 it's your honest observation that makes him laught. Matt looks at you in a way that if he could, you would be incinerated where you're standing. You're already embarrassing him.

Nice.

You regret nothing.

It's a lil sister job to make her brother in troubles, that's what pops always says.

Mike brings you a coffe that you accept with a smile, than tells everyone the news about the singer that is still not here.

A diva, of course. That's your first thought. Every singer is a natural diva.

《 He is still looking for the glove.》

《 He would lost his head if it wasn't attacked to his neck》 , a solid comment arrives from Ruffilo, immediatly followed by an annoyed reply from behind you.

《 I can ear you motherfucker. You are- what the fuck?》

You turn in time to face the famous singer and almost choke with the coffe.

《 Yo Noah, do you remember my sister, y/n?》

You see Noah turning pale for a second while trying to say something in return.

You're also speechless for a second, before putting your shit togheter so Matt wont finds out in the first five minutes. 《 Howdy! You... you cut your hair. Nice. I didn't know》

You didn't.

That's why was so easy for Noah to be Eric for almost a week. For a hook up with you. His best friend sister.

....Splendid.

You're fucked.

#noah sebastian #bad omens #noah sebastian x reader #noah sebastian imagine #bad omens imagine

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heavyhitterheaux · 1 year

Text

Euphoria

Nightingale Series

AN: This takes place in 2021 when they first meet

Synopsis: Jack meets his celebrity crush which is you at his first Met Gala. You've been away for a year and a half from the spotlight and as much as you weren't ready to return, you knew you couldn't escape it

Pairing: Jack Harlow x Famous!Reader

Warnings: drug use, overdose

Jack Harlow Masterlist

Nightingale Series Masterlist

Please Do Not Repost My Content Anywhere

“Fuck, baby girl, come on! Wake up, wake up, wake up!” Carmen frantically yelled as she grabbed a hold of your shoulders and began to shake you. She had only taken her eyes off of you for a minute and that was when everything started to go south.

Not getting any movement from you, she scrambled to her purse to dump it out onto the bed in search of the narcan that she carried in case of desperate times such as this one.

She inserted the plunger into your nose and quickly sprayed both sides.

Seconds felt like hours as she waited for some type of movement from you when she then started to cry because it hadn’t worked.

“No, no! You are not leaving me! No!”

She then grabbed her phone and quickly dialed 911, getting an answer almost immediately.

“Hello, 911?”

“I CAN’T WAKE HER UP!”

“Okay, ma’am. Tell me what’s going on. My name is Hannah and I’m here to help you, what’s your name?”

“MY NAME IS CARMEN. SHE TOOK FENTANYL AND THE NARCAN DIDN’T WORK!”

“Okay, use your pointer and middle fingers to hold it to her neck to check if she has a pulse.”

“Um, okay.” Carmen shakily put the phone on speaker before doing what the 911 operator asked of her.

And felt nothing.

“I… I DON’T FEEL ANYTHING! WHAT DO I DO?”

“Okay, Carmen, listen to me. You’re going to have to start CPR on her.”

“WHAT?! I DON’T KNOW HOW TO DO THAT!”

“I’m going to walk you through it. Take a deep breath for me.”

“Okay…” Carmen shakily said while listening to further directions.

“Place her on a flat surface so that the compressions are sufficient. Place two hands on the center of her chest and push down two inches. Wait until her chest comes all the way back up before doing it again.”

“Okay.”

Carmen placed her hands on your chest and as she pushed down, she felt your ribs crack and immediately shrieked making the tears cloud her vision even more.

“I think I broke something!”

“Those are her ribs, if you broke them, you’re doing it right. Keep going until I tell you to stop and once you stop, you’re going to check her pulse again.”

“Now that we got that started, I can see your location and help is on the way.”

Carmen now looked from the corner of the room as you twirled around in your custom gown from Dior that you would be wearing to your first Met Gala in a year. The flashback of that night hit her out of nowhere and she tried not to show it on her face.

She just knew for a fact that she would have to bury you.

After she had gotten a pulse back, your heart stopped again on the way to the hospital before you ended up having a stroke in the intensive care unit.

Luckily, there were no deficits from it and looking at you now in front of her, no one would be able to tell that anything like that had ever happened to you.

She despised the person that ever gave you drugs in the first place and no matter how much she tried to lecture you about it, you weren’t trying to hear it.

It calmed you and let you be able to get through the daily expectations of your job.

The hardest part was calling your parents, but wanting to protect your reputation they immediately went into overdrive.

No one knew what had happened to you and your parents were going to do everything to make sure of it.

Carmen was actually the only one who had never left your side while you were in the hospital along with your other best friend Demi Lovato.

The two of you grew up together and when you both landed up on Disney channel with each of you having your own show, you two were inseparable and did just about everything together.

Your parents visited once, while your siblings didn’t even show up which she wasn’t surprised by.

Being your assistant ever since you were 12 years old, she had grown a soft spot for you and looked after you like you were her younger sister. Somebody had too, because deep down she knew that your siblings as well as your parents weren’t shit and needed someone to guide you.

She tried to keep them away from you as much as she possibly could and wanted to wrap you in bubble wrap to be able to protect you from the world.

In her eyes, you were as innocent as they come. Despite the drug use.

“You look absolutely beautiful lady bug.” Carmen said when you looked at her for approval.

“Thank you, I just… don’t know if I’m ready for this.” You responded while sighing and smoothing out the front of the dress. This would be your first public appearance in almost two years and the pressure was placed on your shoulders once again.

“Of course you’re ready for it.” You heard your mother say from behind you and all you did was smile. Carmen hated how they treated you and no matter how many times she tried to bring it up, you didn’t want to hear it.

“Are you sure?” You asked turning around to face her as she grabbed both of your hands.

“Yes, I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life. You got to have a little break and now it’s go time. Go out there and show them why you’re the favorite and most beloved child star.”

You eagerly nodded your head as she turned to stand next to you and proceeded to take a selfie with the both of you in it while Carmen tried not to roll her eyes.

Your break consisted of going to rehab multiple times since you couldn’t stay clean for more than a week. Technically you weren’t even clean now, but you cut back on how much you used. It used to be multiple times in one day and now you might only partake in it twice in a twenty four hour period.

Carmen couldn’t wait for the day when you realized between the drugs and the way your family treated you that it was slowly killing you.

Because dying two times and having a stroke clearly wasn’t enough for you.

At this rate if you kept it up, Carmen didn’t even see you making it to 30.

Right now you were 28.

Carmen never told you this, but when you went to sleep and she knew that you had taken something during the day she would stay up and watch you to make sure you were breathing.

Turning her attention back to you now, she caught you taking a little packet out of your suitcase that contained a white substance and immediately looked at you wide-eyed.

“Lady bug! Where did you even get that?!”

“I’m only going to take a little bit!” You exclaimed while trying to open it with your long stiletto gold nails that complimented your dress.

“Taking a little bit last time caused your heart to stop and you literally just got out of rehab for the third time yesterday. You’re going to the MET! Last thing you need to be is high!”

“It calms me, I’ll be fine.” You said as your mother simply watched the exchange between the two of you. You had walked out to the front of the hotel suite before she turned to Carmen to say something.

“If she wants to do it, let her. A little is not going to hurt.”

“Denise, do you even hear yourself? Your daughter is addicted to opioids and has already been to rehab multiple times and now she’s getting high before one of the most prestigious events that happen every year? Do you care about her at all? Because keep in mind if something were to happen to her, there goes your cash cow.”

“And what is that supposed to mean? Of course I care about her, she’s my daughter! I only want the best for her!”

“Are you trying to convince me or convince yourself?”

“Look, we hired you to a job and be an assistant to her so do that and stay in your lane. I can take care of my daughter just fine. Do what we pay you to do.” Denise said while leaving out of the room and leaving Carmen to sigh.

—

Jack had just made his way down to the lobby of the hotel and was excited to be able to go to the Met Gala since this was his first time being invited. All of his hard work was paying off and he couldn’t believe that his name was now mentioned in rooms that contained some of the people that he looked up to. He was standing next to Urban when he saw you get off of the elevator all smiles and immediately hit Urban’s arm.

“OW! DAMN! What the hell is wrong with you?” Urban asked as he was now rubbing the spot that Jack had hit.

“Look to your left and don’t be obvious.” Urban took this opportunity to turn his entire body to the left and Jack simply rolled his eyes.

“You literally just did the opposite of what I told you to do. Should have left your ass at home.”

“Oh shit…. Is that? Is that who I think it is?” Urban asked, finally noticing that it was in fact you.

“She’s been off the scene for like two years. I wonder where she’s been.” Neelam said as she was now standing next to both of them.

“Jack, go say hi to your wife.” Urban teased and Jack clearly turned a bright shade of red.

“Well I’ll see her when we get there so I will later. Assuming she’s going seeing as she is dressed up.”

“She’s the one you had posters of in your childhood bedroom?”

“He still does if I’m not mistaken.” Urban answered and all Jack did was shoot him a look.

“I’m ignoring that.” Was all Jack said before the black SUV pulled up outside that would be taking him to the event.

As he was about to walk out the door, he caught your eye and you sent him a small smile which he immediately returned.

As you watched him walk out the door, you turned to Carmen to ask her who he was. You assumed that he was going to the Met like yourself seeing as he was dressed up.

“Carmen, who’s that? He’s cute, like really cute. That curly hair is doing it for me.”

“Are you……??? Are you serious? That’s Jack Harlow, he's an upcoming rapper. His music is pretty good too.”

“Yes I’m serious, I’ve been basically high and living under a rock for the past year and a half and I only got out of rehab yesterday. So I don’t know how you would expect me to know that.”

“And hopefully that will be the last time.”

“You worry too much, I’ll be fine. Now let’s get this over with so I can order a big plate of cheese fries. I might just have them deliver it there.”

“Lady bug! You will not be eating cheese fries at the Met!”

“I can and I will because that food is disgusting. I’ve been going for years now and the food is never up to par so I just stopped eating it. I really don’t know anyone who ever does.”

“Please be on your best behavior tonight. We don’t need any crazy headlines tomorrow morning.”

“I will, the only thing I’m worried about is possible tripping on my dress in front of an entire crowd of people.”

“Your flats are in my bag.”

“And that is why I keep you around.”

You had hit the carpet about ten minutes ago and everyone was surprised at your arrival. As soon as the cameras started clicking away, you actually felt the nervousness leave you and you were at ease. Or maybe it was the drugs, who knows? You had done a few interviews and had taken pictures before quickly growing bored. You made your way inside to find out that you were in fact going to be sitting next to the famous rapper himself seeing as he was already seated.

He was cute and you were definitely excited to be able to sit next to him.

Once he saw you making your way towards the table, he quickly stood up to pull out your chair for you.

“Oh, thank you.” You said while looking up at him and he quickly sat back down before responding to you.

“You’re welcome. You look amazing by the way.”

“Thank you and so do you. Who dressed you tonight?”

“Tommy Hilfiger, you?”

“Dior. Apparently they had been keeping this for me for a while and figured that this was the perfect opportunity for me to be able to wear it.”

“I’m Jack by the way.”

“I know. I’m Y/N, and it’s so nice to finally meet you.”

“So, can I ask what you’ve been up to?”

“Oh, just a few little projects here and there. I figured that I deserved a little break. I have literally been working since I was six months old.”

“That long?!” Jack exclaimed while looking over at you and you simply nodded.

“I was a model first before everything else and I’m hoping to get back to it eventually. I recently listened to your album and it’s really good.”

Recently meaning in the car on your way over here.

“That means a lot coming from you. Do you have a favorite?”

“Hmm, Luv is Dro is definitely high up on that list and Already Best Friends. What’s yours?”

“Probably Keep it Light.”

“Oh, and I assumed it was your mom at the end giving you that advice? I completely agree. One day you literally just have to sit and take it all in. We’re blessed to be able to do this and we have to think that there are many people in the world who will never get the same opportunities that we do. I try not to take it for granted even if I do fall short sometimes. Just as you progress and get more well-known, never forget the people who helped you to get where you are because those are going to be the people that show up for you every single time.”

You mingled with other guests before they began to bring the food out and you tried not to gag as your plate was set in front of you, but Jack definitely saw you make a face and tried not to laugh. When the server had left your table, you immediately turned to Jack and shook your head.

“Don’t eat it. The food is disgusting and it always is. You would think after so many years that they would get better, but apparently not. My dog could make better food than this.”

“It doesn’t look all that appetizing anyway.” He answered while picking up his fork and poking what looked to be some type of meat and inspecting it.

“I’m getting cheese fries after this. I haven’t had fries in so long that I forgot what they taste like.”

“What? How can you ever forget what cheese fries taste like?” Jack curiously asked you and all you did was shrug.

“I haven’t had them since I was thirteen so I plan on treating myself today. You can tag along if you want to.”

“I just might take you up on that offer.”

“I know the perfect spot where we can go with absolutely no paparazzi.”

—

The two of you had managed to escape the Met a few minutes before it was about to end and walked down a few streets until you found the little hole in the wall restaurant. Jack was a little skeptical once you led him through a dark alley which was a shortcut.

“Come on curly top, I’m not going to bite. It’s a shortcut”

“But… your dress.”

You looked down to see that it was slightly dragging and proceeded to pick it up to hold it above your thighs.

Your mom was going to kill you if you ruined this dress.

“There, problem solved. Now come on because I’m starving. I haven’t eaten all day.”

Once the two of you reached the restaurant, you both sat in a booth across from each other and you were scanning the menu when you heard Jack’s voice.

“I don’t know why you’re looking at the menu when you came here for one thing and one thing only.”

“You’re right, but I still like to look just in case I change my mind.”

“Y/N! Long time no see!”

“Hi, Frankie. I’ve missed you!” You said as she leaned down to hug you.

Frankie owned the restaurant and you always made it your mission to come and visit her every single time you were in New York no matter what was going on and how busy you were.

“And I see you’ve brought a friend.” She said, turning to Jack and wiggling her eyebrows.

“Will you behave for once in your life? This is…”

“Jack. I know, big fan. And I’m not going to behave until I get you a boyfriend. Who knows? Maybe Jack wants to date you. Been my mission since you were 21.” Frankie said and you proceeded to roll your eyes and Jack turned beet red, but you tried not to acknowledge it.

“Frankie, we only met a few hours ago.”

“And that’s supposed to mean something?”

“You’re a lost cause. Anyway, a large order of cheese fries and Jack, what did you want?”

“I’ll take the same thing.”

“Coming right up.”

Once Frankie had walked away, you turned back to shake and simply shook your head before your phone went off indicating that Carmen was calling you.

“Yes?”

“WHERE ARE YOU?!”

“At Frankie’s with Jack. Stop yelling.”

“I AM GOING TO YELL BECAUSE I CANNOT LET YOU OUT OF MY SIGHT FOR THIRTY SECONDS. SO YOU LEAVE WITHOUT TELLING ANYONE?!”

“We were coming right back, mom number two.”

“Y/N! Don’t start!”

“I’ll bring you back something.”

“No need, I’m on my way.”

“What the?”

“Don’t argue with me either.”

As you hung up the phone, Jack was asking you if everything was okay before Carmen literally opened the door to the restaurant and made a beeline towards the two of you.

“Seriously?” You asked her in disbelief as she slid in next to you.

“Yes, seriously. Hi Jack, I’m Carmen, Y/N’s personal assistant and second mother and I protect her with my life. So, if you don’t have pure intentions while you’re around her, I suggest you…”

“OKAY! Can you please excuse her, Jack? She has anxiety and tends to get paranoid sometimes.” You said as Frankie brought out a humongous plate of cheese fries and your mouth instantly watered before diving into them.

“I get it, being in this industry, you don’t know people’s true intentions all the time.”

“And that’s where I come in. Frankie! We need to get this to go!”

“But we just sat down and you basically ruined my friend date with Jack.” You whined and Jack sent you a small smile.

“You can have friend dates in the future, now let’s go. The car is outside.”

“Bye, Jack. It was nice meeting you and next time when we go out, which I assume is going to happen, I promise to leave my chaperone at home and to turn off my location.”

“Y/N!”

“I’m looking forward to it.”

Carmen slid out the booth so you could make your way outside before then turning around to Jack.

She made sure you were out of earshot before saying anything.

“Look, you seem like a really nice guy, but you do not want to get involved with her and some of the people that are around her.”

“Wait, what?”

“Jack, this is nothing against you at all. It’s just… I have to protect her. I literally consider her my daughter and she’s been through a lot these past two years. I don’t need anyone messing this up for her. Not that I think you will, but… sometimes she can be so clueless despite having been in this industry for her entire life.”

“I’m not understanding?”

“Jack, it’s better if you never find out. Just if she does decide that she wants to talk to you because lord knows that I can’t stop her…. Do not under any circumstances hurt her because I will literally come for your throat and you can kiss your career goodbye.”

Without another word, Carmen picked up your box of cheese fries before sliding Jack his and made her way outside.

Once she slid into the backseat of the car, she saw you pop two more pills in your mouth.

Not wanting to fight with you, she didn’t even say anything and just handed you your fries which you happily began to eat.

Carmen began saying a silent prayer that you would realize that your luck was bound to run out.

Every day she woke up not knowing if it was the last time that she was going to see you alive.

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boo8008 · 1 year

Text

Three Months - Carmen "Carmy" Berzatto x Fem!Reader Chapter 02: Mince

Prologue | Chapter 01: Quadriller | Chapter 02: Mince

Series Summery: Its been one year since The Bear's soft open, and with everything running smoothly, Carmen's lost in his thoughts, until the final table of the night is seated.

Chapter Summery: After the minor introduction of you and Carmy, your about to prepare the first dinner post Covid and before Stevie and Michelle leave, one Carmen is also coming to. Only cooking dinner is not going as smoothly as you'd hoped.

Mince (v.) - to finely divide food into uniform pieces smaller than diced or chopped foods, prepared using a chef's knife or food processor

Word Count: ~3,865

My Notes bb: Hey….. How yall doin? Sorry this took so long to get out, work and life suddenly got busy and I didn't have time to write. I hurt my back though so it kinda forced me to write and crank this out. Hopefully its not as bad I as I still feel like it is but yea. Again sorry this took so long to get out. Hope you enjoy! (ps my therapist thinks this is a decent outlet though lol thanks Sandra)

2021 (December)

Carmen hardly ever came to dinner after those first few weeks, and Michelle said something about him working at Eleven Madison Park. While you were happy he head ended up at the high end restaurant, you knew he was working under one hell of an asshole. He seemed to be doing fine enough though. Granted, you would only catch small glimpses of him on nights when you stayed later than intended and he walked only into his room to sleep, with just a small mumbled ‘hi’ thrown your way. Eventually he managed to move out on his own and only came to dinner about once every two months when Michelle would insist on it.

Once covid hit though, you'd basically lost contact with him. Michelle even rarely managed to drag him into group facetime calls with you. They were mainly her or Stevie recounting their last two weeks of quarantine in a dramatic fashion and you and Carmen would be listening half heartedly. If Carmen was there, he seemed to just sit out on a fire escape in his building and smoke, thinking about other things. Everytime you picked up though, missing being around the two people you actually liked. You would use it as a little reprieve from writing yet another ‘easy recipes for quarantine’ article, or to have company while you organized and re-organised random spots throughout your apartment.

Mostly though you would use it to get away from the depressive thoughts of ‘what am I doing with my life?’ or ‘if something happened to me, only Michelle and Stevie would really know.’ you didn't realize how much you missed being around people until you couldn't anymore, just stuck with yourself and your cat in your apartment. You missed the mindless chatter from coworkers at your office and in person interviews with cranky chefs because they gave you more to think about than yourself. All you began to think about was how bad the piece you were working on was, even if your editor said it was great. You felt tired and tired of being tired. All you wanted was to have a nice dinner with Stevie and Michelle, and fuck even hearing from Carmen would be amazing even if it was another awkward conversation with someone you just barely knew.

In short covid sucked ass and made your already anxious brain even worse. Not to mentioned your sense of time became fucked and all of your normally scheduled daily things also hard to keep track of. While quarantine had somewhat ended, you all found yourselves too busy trying to get back into the groove of ‘normalcy’ and offices to have dinner again, canceling for meetings or being too tired. Leading to today, when after months of planning and rescheduling you had completely forgotten that dinner was not only being held at you place, but you were also cooking because Michelle and Stevie had nothing in their kitchen because they were leaving two weeks early to isolate before Christmas in Chicago, and to top it all off, Carmen was (for once) coming to dinner. You remembered only when Stevie sent you a text asking what time worked best to come over, and not wanting to cancel for the tenth time, you told them 7:00. So you left work early to run for the subway, then run to the grocers to get real food, and then ran home to start cooking.

Only cooking was not going as planned.

It was 6:30 and dinner was nowhere near done. It was like you had forgotten everything you knew about actually cooking, and you’re a food journalist for Christ's sake! This should have been something you could do fairly easy! You write about things like this all the time! Yet here you are, chicken suddenly burning in the oven from when you stepped away to check your recipe to make sure everything was going okay and you that were good to start the pasta. You quickly removed the now pucks from the oven and turned it off. You resolved to just sitting on the floor across from your oven and crying, thinking about where it all went wrong-not the dinner but everything. Quiet sobs racked your body as you sad down on your kitchen floor, forgetting about your phone and the fact your last text said “doors unlocked when you get here”.

Carmen didn’t want to go to dinner but knew he wouldn't hear the end of it from Michelle if he didn’t show up. And to be frank he wanted her to stop calling him a hermit too. So he grabbed his jacket after lunch service and headed home to shower and change, doing his best to not think of his shitty boss saying he was worthless for taking one evening off. He hadn't done that even during covid, constantly asking what the plan was or if the kitchen was open. He decided to head out early to your place sending a quick text and leaving. As he approached your door he could definitely smell burning, very unlike the pre-covid dinners you made. While not Michelin level, what you made were perfect home cooked and leftover meals to him. A nice change from his go to PB&Js with Doritos and a Coke. He checked his phone again making sure the apartment number was right and reread your last text again. He still knocked on the door before he opened it, out of habit.

“Yo its me,” Carmen called out, peeling off his jacket as he looked around the entryway of your small apartment. You jumped at the knock and stood up as the door opened, and as Carmen called out, you turned to face the sink in your kitchen.

“In here!” your voice was wobbly but you preyed he wouldn't notice. Carmen followed the sound and walked into the kitchen, seeing the blackened chicken on the stove and the mess of the rest of the kitchen.

“Jesus, the fuck did you try to cook?” he said it without thinking, and immediately you broke again. Crumbling in on yourself and to tired to try and hide it. Tears raining down your face and carmen short circuited, watching as you again sunk to the floor in a puddle.

“Shit fuck I-I’m sorry. Fuck! Wh-what can I do? What do you want me to do? Fuck sorry I-I’m bad at this.” he panics as he looks down at you crying. “Wh-want me to go? I-I can go- I should go. Shit, Sorry again.”

“S-s-stay?”

“What?” Carmen's pretty sure he heard wrong, after all he just caused you to meltdown from his social awkwardness.

“S-stay?” you say more clearly. You don't know why you ask it, let alone how it crawls out of your crying, shaking self. Its been so long sense you've been near someone else even a little close to you so maybe that's it. He stops for a minute looking down at you as you look up at him still crying. “Please?”

“... O-okay.”

He isn't sure why he stays, or why he sits down next to you while you cry, but he does. The apartment is quiet outside of you sniffles and the occasional sob but carmen stays put. Neither of you realize how much you've started leaning towards each other until your head is lightly lying on his shoulder. You’ve mostly stopped crying now but your face is still wet and your eyes are puffy.

He isn't sure what to say, with his mom asking if you were okay was off limits. It made everything worse. It lead to screaming and yelling and throwing things. He thinks about what someone normal, someone like Stevie, or Pete, or Natalie, what they would ask someone they hardly know if they saw them having a panic attack and decides to just do it, praying you’d be somewhat normal compared to his mother.

“You-you okay?” you'd almost forgot he was there, even if you were leaning on him, and sat up straighter, wiping your face.

“Yea, I’m-I’m sorry dinners ruined and for getting like that,” you say. Tears of embarrassment springing up at knowing that this (basically) stranger saw you cry.

“No no your fine-your cool,” he can feel panic rising again at making you cry again. “No no no offense but I-I was kinda in the mood for pizza anyways.” He's only partly lying, he wanted a home cooked meal but the pizza place he passed on his way here smelled greasy and amazing on his empty stomach.

“Are you sure? I still have the kitchen to clean and I just don't want you all to think that I don't care o-or anything that i-its our last dinner before you guys go back to Chicago for Christmas and I just-”

“Yea, your fine , its fine if we have pizza, I’ll text Michelle to grab it on their way over, they wont mind.”

“Okay…” you mumble, caving in on the choice of pizza and leaning your head back on the cabinet behind you. Carmens already pulling his phone out of his pocket when he spots the new texts from Stevie and Michelle on his lock screen.

Stevie: ‘Sorry gang, we dont think we can make it tonight, we still have a lot to pack 😕’

Michelle: ‘Yea I’m sorry i know its so close to dinner but maybe you two can get along without us????’

Michelle: ‘Sorry again lovelies xoxo 😘’

Michelle: ‘Dont be a dick carm 💛😘’

“Well fuck,” Carmen mumbled. He was now on his own to make conversation. “Looks like its just us for dinner. ‘Said they still have packing to do.”

“Oh,” was all you could think to say. Of course the universe would have the only two people you could actually converse with busy on the one night you were meant to see them.

“Yea…” Carmen wasn't sure how to proceed. Does he leave cause the only bridge between you both isn't showing? Does he stay because he already committed to dinner? God he feels so awkward.

“Well we could still get pizza?” you ask. “I mean you came all this way so it kinda feels like a waste.”

“You sure?”

“Yea, I mean I still gotta clean the kitchen but theres a place around the corner thats amazing after crying,” you say with a bit of a laugh to help bring up the awkward mood.

“Let me help you and we can go?” he suggests, already rising to his feet and offering you a hand.

“Are you sure? I mean the chicken I think is welded on there at this point,” you say. As your taking his hand and he pulls you to stand from your floor, you see his forearms flex and your mind short circuits as you look probably a second longer than you need to at the muscles and veins there. Luckily he doesn't notice because he's already turning and grabbing the now cool baking sheet with the chicken on it.

“Yea it’ll go faster, I think I can get this off too,” Carmen quickly took charge of washing the bowls, cutting boards, and other kitchen utensils you had pulled out in your frenzy to cook dinner on time.

In nearly no time at all the kitchen was clean and the two of you had left for the pizza parlor a block away. While yes the cleaning was a little awkward, the noise of the city on the walk made making any conversation difficult, meaning neither of you had to talk or struggle to make conversation.

“Pepperoni good?” Carmen asked as the two of you stood awkwardly next to each other, both of your jackets zipped all the way up thanks to the near unbearable cold outside.

“Y-yea, they make bomb garlic knots too if you want some,” you responded, skimming over the menu even though you already knew what the plan was.

“C-cool, um,” Carmen looked around the small shop, there was just the counter and a cooler for drinks, no seating. The place reminded him of the beef, dingy, and not that healthy, but god damn was this about to be the best food he could ever get. “Did you want to go back to your place? Cause… cause there's no tables and stuff…” Carmen cringed at the awkward way the words came out.

“Yea if that's good with you?” you said taking a step forward, the two of you would look at each other before looking away, as if the tiled flooring was so interesting. You decided to take a page out of Stevie’s book, he was better with people than you were so you prayed the attempted joke would land. “I mean we could eat out in the cold if your more comfortable?” A smile pressed its way onto Carmen’s face and you considered that a victory.

“Yea no, I love eating outside when its about to snow,” he snickered. “Reminds me of home.” You both shifted closer as the people in front of you pushed pass you both to leave with their pizzas. As you both stepped up to the counter Carmen was faster than you in not only placing the order, a large peperoni with a side of garlic knots, but also whipping out his wallet and paying, you on the other hand had barely stumbled out a hello and barely started shifting your bag to get out your own wallet by the time he was done.

“You didn’t have to do that,” you mumbled as you both stepped off to the side to wait.

“Yea well, its cool I got the money,” Carmen added. You only partly doubted it, he worked at the highest rated restaurant in the world but also lived in New York so it kinda balanced out. You both distracted yourselves for a few minuets looking at your phones, you taking to a word search game and Carmen playing the fun game of ‘who is this and why do I have their number?’ with his contacts. It felt a little more relaxing compared to earlier, more like the same air you both got when Stevie and Michelle would leave the room at your normal dinners, not pressured to talk but liking the fact another person was next to you.

“Order 447!” you and carmen both jumped as the number was yelled through the small shop. Carmen stepped forward and took the box and bag from the worker, turning to you, where you grabbed the bag and began to head out before he got up the words to protest that he's got it.

Luckily the only awkward part of the walk back to your apartment was the elevator ride up. As you both stepped into your apartment you were both greeted by the loud yelling of your cat as she rounded the corner to yell at you for leaving for a whole 30 minuets.

“Yea yea your fine baby,” you told her as you took the pizza from Carmen. “You good with just sitting on the couch? I don't want to do anymore kitchen cleaning.”

“Heard,” Carmen carmen said as he took off his jacket. He was looking down at the feline weaving between his legs and bent down to let her sniff him so he could pet her, instead she smelt him and abruptly ran back deeper in the apartment and he smiled a little at the cat, following it with his eyes to you coming out of the kitchen with two cans of coke, paper plates, and paper towels. Something in him stirred at the mundane and domestic sight but he waved it off as more anxiety.

“Wait-shit-your not allergic to cats are you?” you asked panicked.

“N-no,” Carmen's voice broke a little as he said it and he cleared his throat. “No… My, um, my mom never let us have one when I was a kid, something about the furniture. I always wanted one though.” Why’d his voice break like that? Why’d he bring up his mom? Fuck now he's gonna have to explain everything.

“Cool-cool,” you were turning to head deeper into the apartment again and Carmen followed, getting a better look at the place now that he wasn't rushing to the kitchen. “That's Mince, cause when I got her she was tiny and I wasn't thinking ahead.” He took in the living room, a nice, small sectional couch with a blanket over the back was against one wall, and a tv with bookcases full of nick-nacks and heavy looking books with holiday lights around it. The center of the room had a buttery carpet and the coffee table with the pizza and garlic knots on it.

“Make yourself at home,” you added. You’d never felt more aware of your actions than now, as Carmen looked at more of your space with posters and pictures around it and you were just trying to tell yourself to act normal. He took in the dining table with four perfectly mismatched chairs that was tucked into a corner on the other side of the wall from the kitchen. Mince catches his attention from the couch, batting at his hand from her spot on the arm rest. He again goes to pet her only for her to skip off and run to the opposite end where you are. Carmen finally takes a seat on the couch, the two of you as far as you could be. You both dig into the pizza and Carmen can’t help but think about how good it is.

“Fuck,” he groaned. It definitely compensates for the shitty morning he had and the rollercoaster of emotions he felt around you.

“Right?” you said through a smile. You were turning on the tv and poking around for something to watch.

“‘S so fucking good,” he said through another bite. “Chicago is still better though.” he mumbled.

“Fuck off,” you finally settled on Bobs Burgers that you left off on. You both ate in a mostly comfortable silence, focusing on the show and avoiding looking at each other. Once you felt you were full you settled back into the couch, and glanced at carmen sitting in your space, he had made himself more comfortable, and he looked nice there, leaned up against the arm of the couch with one arm draped over the back of the couch fiddling with a part of the blanket and his legs spread wide. You shifted your focus back to the television not wanting to make it more weird.

“So… did you finish packing already?” you settled on conversation to distract you from the thought of crawling into his lap. “For Chicago I mean.”

“Oh um,” Carmen was a little startled by the sudden conversation, but fuck it you already cried in front of him today, it was his turn to share. “N-no I’m just staying here, rather not watch my mom drive the car through a wall and my brother fight my uncle again.”

“Jeez, I’m sorry,” Steve had told you some of what happened that Christmas, mainly summarized as a big blowout of a fight between Michelle’s cousin Mikey and her kinda-uncle Lee, and her aunt Donna driving her car through the living room. God why'd you bring this up? He probably didn't want to talk about it. “Did you have any plans then?” Please let this be a decent change of topic you think.

“Just work, go home, smoke and eat, sleep, just like the last two years,” he says with a sigh. “Wh-What about you?”

“No, I was just gonna stay in and watch some movies.” Carmen answers with an affirming ‘hm’, not wanting to overstep and ask more questions. Even with the both of you wanting to talk more, neither of you know how to go from here. You turn you attention back to the television as Carmen turns his head a little to quietly observe you.

Curled up in the corner of the couch in a cozy, old, and ratty sweatshirt with some leggings and fuzzy holiday grippy socks, hair down, and face still a little puffy from the winter air and your tears, but still beautiful in the darkening light of your apartment, mundanely so. Not a supermodel ripped from the cover of vogue, or an unobtainable influencer with hair and makeup perfectly placed for pictures. You look like you belong there. You look real. Cozy and warm on your couch with the lights from the streets down below hitting you just so. Home he thinks, before quickly turning his attention back to the tv. Its not like he’d ever have a shot with you anyways, he’s always too busy, or too angry, or too much of an asshole in general. Where’d all of those thoughts even come from? He hardly ever felt at home with anyone, especially outside of the kitchen.

As the show plays on the two of you get lost in it and enjoying the act of being alone together, occasionally steeling glances at each other. You find yourself kind of liking being with him, not necessarily talking or interacting but the feeling of another person in the same room as you feels nice. Carmen won't say it but he's enjoying himself too. The show and coziness of your apartment make him feel relaxed more than his barren dingy apartment ever could, and the abundance of stuff artfully placed helps give him something to look at and think on rather than get lost in his anxiety and self doubt. Why does she have a Halloween decoration out its December…right? He thinks. Your both trying to think on how to ask for what you want but you beat him too it. Probably because you grew up with Steve and his weird ball of encouragement always on your side.

“Did you want to hang out? On Christmas I mean,” you finally get the courage to ask. Phew, not that bad.

“I mean I-I don't want to intrude,” Carmen starts. “Plus I have work the next day.”

“You could sleepover? If-if you want,” you prepose. “We can still smoke, eat, and sleep if you want. All the traditions you enjoy, a-and I don’t think I’m far from the line you need?”

You definitely aren't. In fact your apartment is somehow on a faster route to work than his own. The only reason you know is because of the Bake It Nice pop up bakery Eleven Madison Park does once a month that you always try to make time for. Carmen thinks on it for a second, and your sure he's looking for a way to let you down nicely.

“You sure your okay with me leaving at 5:00 in the morning?” he asks.

“Absolutely,” you say with a smile, and something in Carmen stirs. “Plus I can pass the fuck out again when you leave anyways.” he smiles at that, still unsure what feeling he's having right now, but he likes it.

“Okay,” he says and you both return you attention back to the show smiling like children. Your legs a little more outstretched towards carmen and his body begging to sink further into your couch. Relaxing to the feeling of you.

#carmy berzatto #carmy x reader #carmen berzatto #carmen berzatto x reader #the bear #the bear fic #the bear hulu #the bear fx #carmy x you #carmy x fem!reader #jeremy allen white

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bcolfanfic · 5 months

Note

everytime i listen to picture me better by weyes blood i can't help but think of young vets buck and bucky. my heart hurt everytime i think of those boys. you've written them so perfectly. <3

what are some songs you associate with either of them?

heyy sorry it took me so long to get to this (and everything else in my box)- it’s finals szn at my law school and my brain is gonna be at like- total capacity till next thursday at 5pm central time. buttttt. i am big music as a story mood setter person so lotsss of thoughts. gonna focus on young vets au here, but i can make another similar post for show canon if ppl like this? im biggg into oldies music so that would actually be fun to me!

disclaimer: re: the young vets au the “veterans” part of the story takes place starting in august 2021 after the us pulled out of afghanistan. If you see a song and think “but wait that didn't come out until this year so they couldn't listen to that in 2022/2023” simply work with me here and don’t think that <3 LOL.

bucky

biggg zach bryan person and i think in general really likes that specific niche of “new age” country music. gets *irritated* by the hardcore conservative military country music lmfao, those vets that go hard in the sand for songs like courtesy of the red white and blue? not his people. that song gives him hives. also a big fleetwood mac guy, just scratches an itch on his brain. likes florence + the machine too.

east side of sorrow - zach bryan

i lost friends in the august heat / at night it was God I'd always meet / i said, "Lord, won't you bring me home? / i've got women in the west i wanna hold

oklahoma smokeshow - zach bryan

there's so much whiskey in his coke it'll make her nose bend / but she swears that his love is a damn God send / she's known God since she was a child

el dorado - zach bryan

you used to say you'd settle down / but that kind girl from school in town /she was gone before you got back home

to El Dorado, hell if I know if you're still alive /there's a note in the glovebox in your drive / El Dorado, hell if they know the difference in a hero / and a man i wish was still by my side

burn, burn, burn - zach bryan

i wanna be a child climbin' trees somewhere / breathin' in the fresh outside air / before I knew this life was unkind

you should probably leave - chris stapleton

sun on your skin, 6 am /and i been watchin' you sleep / and honey, i'm so afraid you're gonna wake up and say / that you should probably leave

me against the mountain - ian munsick

it’s me against the mountain / most days the mountain wins / but i’ll meet you tonight my love or i’ll meet my end / either way an angel’s waitin when i fought this fight

painkillers - rainbow kitten surprise

living just comes with a bit of heartache / heartache comes with a bit of young faith / faith stays young till your heart get broken / hope grows up to become someday / i never hurt no one and no one will ever hurt me / i believe i believe i believe i believe

motorcycle - colter wall

well, i figure i'll buy me a motorcycle / wrap her pretty little frame around a telephone pole / ride her off a mountain like old arlo

physco - jack kittel

don't hand me johnny's pup, mama / 'cause i might squeeze him too tight / i'm having crazy dreams again, mama

go your own way - fleetwood mac

if i could / baby, i’d give you my world / open up / everything's waiting for you

third eye - florence + the machine

i'm the same / i'm the same / i'm trying to change

astrovan - mt. joy

he said son you're famous in heaven / maybe you're famous in heaven / maybe there is no heaven / maybe we're all along together now / but i don't wanna see those tears again / you know Jesus drives an astrovan

gold dust woman - fleetwood mac

take your silver spoon, dig your grave / heartless challenge / pick your path and i'll pray

all these things that i’ve done - the killers

i got soul / but i'm not a solider

between me and you - brandon flowers

the first time that i saw your face / time stood still / i found my place / now i'm watching it tear out of my arm

gale

listens to zach bryan for bucky but his country music niche is more on the tyler childers side of things. likes older music too bc it’s what his mom would play around the house and he finds it comforting. i think he likes pop music more than bucky does lol, bucky ribs him a lil about some of it but he finds it endearing. the taste they share the most i think is the fleetwood mac and the killers/brandon flowers stuff.

follow you to virgie - tyler childers

back when all us boys were tryin' / to make sense of all these string / i can see her in the corner / singing along to all our crazy dreams

coal - tyler childers

so sometimes, i imagine that I'm getting pretty close to hell / and in my darkest hour, i cry out to the Lord / he says, "keep on a-mining, boy, 'cause that's why you were born

nose on the grindstone - tyler childers

well daddy, i've been tryin', i just can't catch a break / there's too much in this world that i can't seem to shake / but i remember your words, lord, they bring me the chills / keep your nose on the grindstone and out of the pills

folsom prison blues - johnny cash

i bet there's rich folks eatin' from a fancy dinning car /they're prob'ly drinkin' coffee and smoking big cigars / well i know i had it comin' i know i can't be free / but those people keep a movin' and that's what tortures me

old rugged cross - alan jackson (i’ve made a woowoo post about this before/bucky being gale’s cross to carry but. in my mind he listens to this on the drive home when bucky’s in the hospital. has to pull over to cry a lil. sweet boy.)

to the old rugged cross i will ever be true / it's shame and reproach gladly bear

where we’ll never grow old - johnny cash

when our work here is done / and our life's crown is won / and out troubles and trials are o'er / all our sorrows will end / and our voices will blend / with the loved ones who've gone on before

(sittin on’) the dock of the bay - otis redding

sittin' here resting my bones / and this loneliness won't leave me alone / it's two thousand miles i roamed / just to make this dock my home

wouldn’t it be nice - the beach boys

oh we could be married / and then we'd be happy / woudn't it be nice?

the chain - fleetwood mac

listen to the wind blow, down comes the night / running in the shadows / damn your love / damn your lies

romeo and juliet - the killers

i can't do the talk like the talk on the TV / and i can't do a love song like the way it's meant to be / i can't do everything but i'd do anything for you / i can't do anything except be in love with you

xo - beyonce

in the darkest night hour (in the darkest night hour) / i'll search through the crowd (i'll search through the crowd) / your face is all that i see / i'll give you everything

if i ain't got you - alicia keys

said nothing in this whole wide world don't mean a thing / if i ain't got you with me, baby

sweet escape - gwen stefani

come on let's bounce / counting on you to turn me around / instead of clowning around / let's look for some common ground

come on over baby - christina aguilera

now baby don't be shy / you better cross the line / i'm gonna love you right / all i want is you

the clock was tickin’ - brandon flowers

jackie flips the pages and she dreams little dreams / a cottage in the country built with real wood beams / there's a baby in the bedroom, he's starting to scream / she holds him though he probably won't remember it

#young vets au #buck x bucky #masters of the air #clegan #buckbucky

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zilabee · 1 year

Text

on walking in the park one evening during the pandemic, listening to music:

[the song that started playing] was I’ll Get You, which is really a true 50/50 Paul and John song, and as I listened, the song slipped behind my defences so easily that it took me a moment to realize what was happening, that I was hearing it, first in indistinct glimmers, then completely, with the same ears as I had when I was little. It sounds so slight the day afterward, like most such experiences. But it wasn’t. When the song ended I put on a random Beatles playlist, practically in a trance. I didn’t even want to look at my phone for long enough to get distracted by a text, I didn’t want to lose the feeling, and walked for hours through the night, listening. I had put so much of myself inside those songs for safekeeping.

...

There are millions of bigger Beatles fans than I am, but I feel stubbornly certain in my heart that no one can love the Beatles more than I do. They were incredibly alive to me from the moment I heard them. Looking back, I think it was their joyfulness I found so mesmerizing. Even their saddest songs have an undercurrent of happiness. (You’re never too far from a 7th chord with the Beatles.) I think it’s because they were four working class kids whose crazy plan had actually worked. Especially in their early pictures they look dumbstruck to be so famous and gifted and rich and happy. It’s there in their first perfect song, Please Please Me. A minute and a half in, John and Paul mess up the lyrics, then sort of cover it as they launch, with John laughing — but not to the listener, just caught up in the happiness of the playing with Paul, this other genius he found in Liverpool — and then covering the laugh with the start of the chorus.

...

Last night, I listened to all of it. In my head I tracked the other songs in which various band members laugh (I Should Have Known Better, It’s Only Love, If I Fell, etc.) and observed with intense satisfying scrutiny just how weird and sad and good John’s parts of A Day in the Life are, so much of each that it’s hard to believe it’s a part of mainstream culture... until you remember that one of Paul’s transcendent gifts is to lift the sensation of hopelessness from a song without rejecting its presence. I listened to I’ve Got a Feeling. “Everybody had a hard year.” I nodded, in the misting dark, as I headed home. In my defence it was very late by then. Everybody had a hard year.

[Charles Finch, LA Times, Nov 2021 ]

#I googled charles finch #because of that quote from a hotel manager about the four beatles 'pretending' to be in the same bed #but this is a different charles finch #but there are some quotes I really liked in here about the happiness of beatles music and the importance of that #which you feel so personally #but which is deeply universal #beatles quotes #quotes #beatles #the beatles #charles finch #pandemic

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quokkacore · 2 years

Text

kyoto [h.js]

summary: a few months after you and jisung break up, your friends rope you into going on vacation. the only issue? they forgot to mention they invited your ex-boyfriend too. (part two of the punisher anthology series)

pairing: ex-boyfriend!jisung x reader

warnings: infidelity, toxic friendships, skz (and twice, girlies im SO sorry) are huge assholes here srry :(, peer pressure, emotional manipulation, codependency, language, hurt no comfort, reader has low self-esteem, covid era, “good for her” ending, exes-to-strangers, maybe ignore the fact that japanese borders have been closed irl?, jisung at one point thinks the reader is going to hit him, suggestive content, making out

word count: a little over 6k

listen to the song here, or here for maximum devastation

a/n: this song is actually about phoebe’s relationship with her dad—but when i first heard it i misunderstood and thought it was about an ex-partner. regardless, here’s what i came up for with jisung. that being said, i do not believe the irl skz or twice would act this way and i certainly don’t condone the way jisung, skz, or twice act here.

main masterlist

june 24th, 2021

day off in kyoto

got bored at the temple

looked around at the 7/11

"Hey, come on, there's a lot of stuff we haven't seen yet, where are you going?" Jisung ran after you, eyes wide as he leaned towards you.

"I'm going back to the hotel," You mumbled, stepping out onto the street, "I'm not feeling very well. I think... the onigiri we got made me sick."

Jisung looked down, before smiling through his mask. You could see it through the way his eyes crinkled and the tops of his cheeks puffed up. "Come on, I'll help you get back! I'll buy you something from that corner store over there, they probably have stomach medication."

You resisted the urge to groan. You didn't want to miss out on the wonder that was Kiyomizu-dera, a temple over 1300 years old (and a UNESCO world heritage sight, thank you very much), but having to be followed around by the ex-boyfriend you hadn't seen in months up until two days ago was… not what you’d imagined.

Even worse when it was very clear to you that you weren't over him, and he wasn't over you. Made very evident by how nice he was being to you.

Seeing him at the airport, with his travel pillow and packed suitcase, tumbled your stomach so badly that you almost ended up making use of those barf bags they had on the plane once you were on the flight a few hours later.

"What is he doing here?" You hissed quietly at Dahyun, who had driven here with you. She continued walking towards the group, and shrugged as she flashed you a quizzical look. As if the topic were about a close friend. Not the ex-boyfriend you'd spent months crying over because he'd cheated on you.

"Oh, Minho invited him," She answered, "Just chill. It'll be fine."

"Dahyun, I don't think I can do this," You mumbled, shaking your head. You could feel your heartbeat picking up, your voice turning watery. She stopped a few feet away from them. Her smile disappeared, replaced with a warm, comforting gaze.

"You'll be fine, okay? We just want what's best for you," She explained, adjusting her face mask, "You have your friends here with you, Y/N. It'll be okay, trust me."

the band took the speed train

went to the arcade

i wanted to go, but i didn't

Some friends they’re turning out to be, you thought as you trailed behind Jisung into the konbini. You had initially insisted on staying far, far away from him. That proved to be very difficult once you'd landed in Kyoto.

It started on the bus ride to the hotel. There was no airport in Kyoto. No, the closest one was Osaka International, which was just about an hour away from the city via bus. A tired, cuddly Jisung sat himself right next to you.

“I’m so jetlagged,” He said, pulling his face mask up when he yawned. You avoided pointing out that the flight lasted less than two hours. When the bus began to move, he started to lean his head toward your shoulder. “That crying baby on the plane drove me nuts, can I maybe—”

“No,” You snapped, leaning away from him. His face dropped, and he seemed to realize his mistake. The rest of the drive was agonizingly awkward, you stewing the entire time.

Your friends always conveniently left room to sit next to Jisung, rarely anywhere else. The first night at a restaurant, all of you crammed into a round booth. The idea of sitting next to the man who’d said he loved you and then promptly stuck his dick somewhere he definitely wouldn’t have if he was being honest gave you too much anxiety. So, instead of sitting on the left edge of the table, next to the man in question, you adamantly sat on the edge of the right, right next to Chaeyoung, where there was barely any room.

And despite half of your ass hanging off of the seat the entire time, at least you got to avoid conversation with Jisung.

This morning, you’d awoken later to a text from Dahyun.

we went to go check out namco. ik u didnt want to go so i didnt wake u up

The thing is that you did want to go to Namco Wonder Tower. You have no idea where she’d gotten the idea that you didn’t want to go, because you’d explicitly told her a few days ago. The idea of a seven story tall arcade sounded like one of the coolest things ever.

Y/N: i did want to go to namco tho??

Dahyun: oh. srry! jisung told me youd changed ur mind :(

Y/N: …..

Dahyun: srry :((

And so, you’d decided to go to breakfast at the hotel alone, and that later you’d go on your own to a place that no one in your group except for you was really interested in seeing: Kiyomizu-dera.

Or at least, you had planned on going on your own.

That was until...

you called me from a payphone

they still got payphones

it cost a dollar a minute

dont answer: hey where are u going today?

Y/N: what?

dont answer: hold on i’m gonna go to your room the roaming rates are crazy hahah

Oh no. Oh no, no, no—

A knock at the door made your blood boil and your heart splinter. You knew who was at the door, there was no pretending you hadn’t left. He knew you were likely still here.

And besides. You couldn’t run from him forever. You’d have to face him eventually.

You put down the laptop you’d been using to look for directions to the temple from the hotel, before getting up. When you opened the door, Jisung was standing there rocking back and forth from the balls of his feet to the tips of his toes. As if he hadn’t a care in the world, as if he wasn’t getting ready to face the person whose heart he’d torn out and stomped on months ago.

“Hey,” He said, smiling once he saw you.

“Hey.” Your tone held none of the affection or cheer his did.

He picked up on this immediately, and his smile disappeared. “So… Can we talk?”

You looked him up and down, heaving a deep sigh. You had half a mind to slam the door in his face after what Dahyun had just told you. On the other hand, you could finally get some insight as to why. Why Jisung decided to do what he’d done. Why he’d decided to seek comfort in someone else.

Truthfully, the whole thing had done a number on your self esteem (as if it hadn’t been bad enough before this). It left you wondering why you couldn’t be enough.

You chewed on your lip nervously, before opening the door a bit wider. “...Five minutes. You get five minutes.”

to tell me you're getting sober

and you wrote me a letter

but i don't have to read it

He nodded solemnly, and stepped into the room before you closed the door. “It… I’m a complete idiot. I don’t want to blame you,” He mumbled before continuing anyway, “But… you were so focused on finals, and the past year sitting at home had been so isolating, I… I just felt so alone, and I—”

“You cheated on me because you felt alone,” You scoffed, “Do… Do you hear yourself, Jisung?”

His eyes were dark with sadness. “You won’t even call me Sungie anymore,” He whispered.

“I called you Sungie when you were my boyfriend. You’re not my boyfriend anymore. You broke my heart, Jisung.”

He didn’t reply, staring at his lap in silence. You gnawed on your lip.

“How many times?” You said hoarsely. His head shot up, and he shook his head.

“I don’t want to hurt y—”

You scoffed in a brief moment of strength. “Oh, now you don’t want to hurt me. That’s rich. I’m gonna ask again, Han Jisung, and you’re gonna tell me. I at least deserve that. How—many—times?”

Jisung’s eyes squeezed themselves shut, and he took a deep breath.”

“Six times.”

You shot out of your seat. “Six times!?”

“It was a mistake!”

“Bullshit. It would have been a mistake once. Maybe. But six times? You’re—you're disgusting, Jisung. Really.”

“Let me make it up to you, Y/N.” He reached to grab your hand. You couldn’t find it in you to yank your hand out of his grip. “Let me take you around the city today. We’ll have fun, just like old times. Please, baby, let me do this for you. For us.”

Your eyes squeezed shut, and you let go of a sigh so deep it must have been locked away in a part of the body yet to be discovered by doctors. Your mind flashed images of him in your mind.

The smile on his face after your first kiss, on your fourth date. How he looked falling asleep in your lap. The way he’d look at you when the two of you were naked, cuddling in bed. And finally, of him on top of a girl you’d seen a few times around campus, in the bed the two of you had bought together, in your apartment.

You wanted him so bad. How your hands ached to turn back the hands of the clock, to be there for him, to be better. To smack some sense into him and to prove that he needed you just as much as you needed him.

“...I don’t know.”

“Come on,” He insisted, “I-I’ll take you to…” His eyes darted back and forth nervously, thinking of something to say.

“Kiyomizu-dera,” Jisung declared finally, eyes widening and a smile gracing his face. “You’ve always wanted to go, I know you have. We can go there.”

You chewed on your lip, heart skipping a beat at how he managed to remember. “I was already planning on going there today,” You admitted with a soft laugh. His smile grew, seemingly proportional to how hopeful he was feeling.

“Perfect,” He murmured, “Let’s go now.”

You could do this, right?

i'm gonna kill you

if you don't beat me to it

dreaming through tokyo skies

You definitely couldn’t do this.

You almost choked on your tired sigh when you saw the car coming down the street, just as Jisung was beginning to cross.

“Jisung, look out!” You cried, pulling him back by the collar. He let out a strangled gasp as the car came barreling past, horn blaring. You pushed him gently towards the sidewalk, and shook your head, looking at him as if he had gone mad. He rubbed the front of his neck, having been choked by the fabric of his shirt.

“What were you thinking? That guy could have killed you!”

“I’m sorry!” He cried, cringing, “I’m still not used to them driving on different sides of the roads.”

You shook your head, “Jisung… Oh my god. My heart just fell out of my ass.”

He didn’t answer. The silence was tense, before you heard him awkwardly clear his throat. You could tell he was holding back a laugh. And despite your pounding heart, you found yourself holding back giggles as well. Soon enough, the both of you were cackling hysterically in the middle of the sidewalk,

“You idiot,” You said, between gasps of breath, “I swear to god—”

“Yeah, but I’m your idiot, right?” He answered, with a muffled laugh. Your face froze, and he seemed to realize what he’d said. He took a deep breath, looking down at the floor and shuffling his feet awkwardly.

i wanted to see the world

then i flew over the ocean

“I’m sorry.” He fiddled with the zipper of his black jacket, and you shook your head, but didn’t say anything.

The silence that permeated the space between the two of you left your ears ringing. You remembered when he used to say that, back when you were still together.

You glanced at the road. All of the cars were now lining up in front of the crosswalk, and you cleared your throat. “We can cross now. Come on.”

When you were still together.

then i changed my mind

december 17th, 2020

The night you’d first declared your relationship over was just before winter break at your university was about to begin. Junior year was no walk in the park. And finals week was definitely not a good time to be dealing with too many personal issues.

So of course, you found out your boyfriend was cheating on you halfway through finals week of junior year.

You’d just gotten back from campus to your boyfriend’s apartment. It was cold, snow had been falling all day and the tip of your nose was still cold and a bit runny from walking through the winter air. It was nearing 11PM, you wanted to just lay in Jisung’s arms and that you didn’t have another killer exam the next day. Your entire morning had been spent going over your notes for one exam. Once you had taken that exam in the afternoon, it was off to studying for the exam the following day.

Your eyes were heavy. Your head hurt with both the uncertainty of how you’d done on the test earlier and how tired you were. All you wanted was Jisung.

Instead, when you knocked on the door, Chan opened it. When he saw your face beneath your face mask, his eyes grew a bit wide—as if he didn’t know what to do now that you were here. In hindsight, you knew now why he looked so panicked. But at that moment, it didn’t really register. You just wanted to be let in to see your boyfriend.

“Oh. Y/N,” He mumbled, mouth pressed into a flat line, “Jisung didn’t… tell me you were coming.”

You shook your head, pulling your mask down. “I thought I’d surprise him, I guess. I brought some food in case he needed a little pick-me-up.”

He shook his head, glancing behind him at something in the corridor that led to the two bedrooms. “Uh… he’s sleeping, I think he’s pretty tired, maybe you should just head on home—”

A soft, distinctly feminine, moan burst through the air, muffled from distance and a wall. You raised an eyebrow, out of nowhere feeling anxious.

“What was that?” You tried to look into the apartment, but Chan pressed his body between the door and the frame. He had an uneasy smile on his face, shaking his head quickly. Alarm bells were going off in your head.

“Oh, uh, Changbin has his girlfriend over. You know how he and Jooah get,” He mumbled with a soft chuckle.

Suddenly, you felt a lot more awake, and your heart sank. “Jooah’s visiting her mom in Busan. I spoke to her an hour ago. There’s no way she could get from Busan to Seoul so… oh my god.”

You pushed past Chan, ready to give Changbin a piece of your mind. Jooah didn’t deserve this. Chan followed after you, rambling quietly about how this isn’t a good idea and I wouldn’t do that if I were you, Y/N, really—

But as you approached the bedrooms, your stomach dropped when you realized that the soft grunts and moans weren’t coming from Changbin’s room, and the grunting didn’t really sound like Changbin at all.

No, you thought, turning around towards Jisung’s room, he wouldn’t. He couldn’t, could he?

And when you pushed the door open, you had an egregious moment of epiphany. He could. He most definitely could.

sunset's been a freakshow on the weekend

so i've been driving out to the suburbs

Of course, as every cheating son-of-a-bitch ex-boyfriend says, it wasn’t what it looked like. He could explain. The only feasible explanation you could come up with was that Jisung just so happened to slip and fall, and landed penis first into the girl’s vagina.

And even then that still wouldn’t account for the fact that he had met her on Tinder of all places. You really couldn’t be angry with her, because once she realized what was happening, she turned pale and yelled, “He told me he was single!”

Which sort of pissed you off—some deep form of internalized misogyny wanted so badly to place all the blame on this nameless girl, for enticing a man who had a girlfriend. But if she hadn’t known, the only person squarely responsible was him.

Han Jisung.

The man currently scrambling to pull on some pants as you turned, wordlessly walking towards the door. You walked past Chan, who was dead silent and staring at the floor. Your vision was blurring, and you could feel your grip on the plastic takeout bag trembling.

“Y/N, love, I’m sorry, listen to me, please! I’ve been with you so long, I don’t want to lose you now—” Jisung pleaded, running after you as you headed for the door. It’d been left wide open after you’d pushed past Chan, so you didn’t find any resistance until you felt someone grip your free wrist. Even though you were wearing a thick winter coat, the second you registered it as Jisung’s touch, the coldest temperature you’d ever felt seemed to sweep over your body.

When you turned to yank your wrist away, Jisung immediately stepped back, eyes wide in shock. You wondered what your face looked like, but you could never truly know. Back then, you could register it moving, contorting, but your body was so numb out of nowhere, you couldn’t feel to what degree. It seemed to be enough to shock him into silence, brows raised and mouth gaping.

You didn’t recognize your voice when you spoke. This odd mixture of despair, of rage, of bitterness came somewhere deep within your subconscious, to the point where some nights you wondered if you’d been possessed. The strangest thing was that while your voice was small, shaky and almost monotone, all of these emotions were somehow still palpable in the last words you spoke to him, before walking out the door, and not seeing him for six months.

“All I ever did was love you,” You told him, “And this is the thanks I get.”

You didn’t block his number. Looking back, you should have. Despite all of his texts and calls, he didn’t come to see you. You supposed he was also tied up with finals and everything else.

sungie<3: baby please

sungie<3: i love you please pick uo

han jisung: i swear i can explain

han jisung: its not what it looke d like i promise

han jisung: plaese come back

dont answer: ill wait for you. you love me right?

dont answer: y/n please

By the time finals were over you were a bleary mess. You spent every night the rest of that week crying over your class notes, staying up and running on barely any sleep and way too many coffee cups and energy drinks to be safe.

And by the time finals were over, you were already on your way back home, far, far away from Jisung. Right before you boarded your flight home, you texted him once.

Y/N: we’re done. don’t text me ever again.

to park at the goodwill and stare at the chemtrails

with my little brother

december 23rd, 2020

“So, he just… cheated on you?” Your younger brother asked, sitting on the porch next to you. Heaving a sigh, you nodded.

“I’m done with him. I don’t ever want to speak to him again.”

He frowned, before looking at you. “You guys really loved each other, though.”

You nodded, but then shook your head. Yes, you wanted him to hold you and tell you everything would be alright. But you knew that it never would be again.

“That’s sort of true. If he really loved me he wouldn’t have cheated on me. And even if he managed to convince me that he did… I don’t know. I could never trust him again. I would get paranoid every time he talks to another girl. I don’t want to live like that.”

He didn’t say anything. You didn’t really expect him to fully understand. He was still a teenager and hadn’t really gone through the whole relationship thing completely yet.

he said you called on his birthday

you were off by like ten days

but you get a few points for trying

“He still talks to me sometimes.”

You froze. “What?”

“Yeah,” He answered, “He called me last week to tell me happy birthday.”

You raised an eyebrow. “Your birthday isn’t for another week.”

He nodded, then shrugged. “Thought that counts, I guess. But he was cool. He was funny.”

Frowning, you shook your head. “Well, don’t… talk to him. He’s a dick.”

“Maybe, but I had a good drive learning to drive with him.”

You thought back to the time Jisung had helped you teach your little brother to drive—Jisung even let your brother use your dad’s old truck, after helping to fix it.

With a scoff, you looked down. “...It was pretty fun, wasn’t it.”

remember getting the truck fixed when you let us drive it

25 felt like flying

july 29th, 2019

“OH-kay,” Jisung exclaimed from the backseat, body lurching forward as your brother slammed on the breaks, “Maybe we should practice breaking a little bit more before you actually head out onto the road.”

You chuckled, before nodding. “You’re lucky this is just an empty parking lot,” You said, looking at your brother. He looked like such a kid, pimply and scraggly, and here he was being put in the driver’s seat of a giant hunk of metal with wheels.

You sighed. “If this were an actual road someone would have called an ambulance right now.”

“Oh, come on,” Jisung said, “He’s still learning! He’s got plenty of time.”

“Thank you!” Your brother raised his eyebrows as he began to maneuver the car again. “Someone’s gotta be on my side.”

december 23rd, 2020

“God-fucking-dammit, whose side are you even on?” You snapped, giving the younger boy a glare. “I’m your sister. He cheated on me.”

“I didn’t mean it like that,” He reasoned, watching you get up from the porch. “Y/N, wait—”

You slammed the back door shut, before blinking back tears furiously.

you love me right?

You did. You absolutely did. And you couldn’t stand it.

i don't forgive you

but please don't hold me to it

born under scorpio skies

Maybe you could do this. As you got onto the train, you nearly stumbled, but Jisung caught you before you fell. Your eyes met, and yours turned wide in surprise. “Oh,” You murmured, “...Thanks.”

He let out an awkward laugh, which sounded more like a loud exhale than anything. “I mean, you did the same for me earlier,” He answered, before hurriedly adding, “E-except I might have died if you hadn’t pulled me back, y’know?”

“I would have died too. But more out of embarrassment than anything else.”

This time, his laugh sounded more genuine. “That’s the [zodiac sign] in you.”

You froze as the train started to move. Suddenly, you were flooded back to times that you had read Jisung his horoscope, before he’d roll his eyes and say something along the lines of, “Oh, that’s so vague! It could happen to anyone!”

And every time, you’d reply something like, “Well, if you don’t like it I won’t read them to you anymore.”

But every single time, every beautiful, cruel time, he’d fire back, “No, it’s okay. I like how into it you are. It’s cute.”

He put up with it because he thought it was cute, because he loved seeing your reactions. Because he loved you. Or at least you thought he did.

Did he still love you?

“I-I thought you weren’t into horoscopes.”

He scratched the back of his head, before shrugging. “I, uh, I got into it after you left.”

When you didn’t say anything, he took that as his cue to continue.

“Would it be horrible of me to say that I got into it because I missed—”

“Yes,” You snapped weakly, “It would.”

Jisung’s eyes looked at the ground. The silence between the two of you was filled by the train around you. From the sound of the rails, to the man in the corner who sneezed suddenly and gave everyone a bout of anxiety when they heard the noise, to the two schoolgirls whispering excitedly to themselves a few seats away from you.

“I’m sorry,” He murmured, “But it’s true.”

The train slowed into a station, and you did the mental math. After this stop, you could get off and walk three blocks before reaching the hotel.

“Even if it is, what does it fix?” You murmured as more people piled into the train, causing you to force your body closer to your ex-boyfriend’s.

“Nothing,” He admitted, eyes sad, “But I needed you to know.”

i wanted to see the world

through your eyes until it happened

During the rest of your time on the train, neither of you spoke. Those next ten-ish minutes where you were just about pressed up against each other felt unbearable. His wide, dark eyes found yours and you couldn’t seem to pull away. If it weren’t for the face masks, you would probably be able to feel his breath on your face.

The pair of you gripped the same pole for support, and over the course of time, Jisung lowered his hand towards yours. First, his pinky brushed your index finger. The contact set your skin alight and suddenly your skin felt dry. Then, his hand grew even closer and he intertwined your pinky and your index fingers.

Pull away, you told yourself, wherever this is going it won’t end well.

The train pulled into the stop, and you lost your balance. You tumbled into Jisung’s chest, and he planted a foot behind you to stop the both of you from falling.

When you pulled away, both from his chest and his hand, your face felt like it was on fire. You didn’t know where to look.

“Are you okay?” He asked, sounding concerned.

“Yeah,” You said hoarsely, not really meeting his eyes.

Stepping onto the platform, you exited the station with Jisung on your heels. The entire walk home was silent once more, your body tingling with a mix of anxiety and excitement that you couldn’t quite place the origins of. Your body sped up of its own accord, first into a brisk speedwalk and then a light jog. Why you were doing this, you didn’t know.

“Y/N?”

Did you want to get away, or did you want to know if he would chase after you?

“Y/N!”

Once inside the hotel, you pressed the button to call the elevator. You swallowed dryly once Jisung caught up to you, panting slightly.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” He asked again, breathlessly. The elevator dinged, and you stepped in without answering. Jisung followed after you, watching anxiously as you pressed the button to the seventh floor several times. Your body was trembling. You felt like a live wire, but you weren’t sure what emotion was charging the sensation.

Emotions?

Anger. You ruined everything. Despair. I never want to see you again. Love. I need you. Hate. You disgust me. Bitterness. Why did you do this to me?

“Y/N,” Jisung murmured as the doors slid shut, “Are—you—okay?”

Desire. You were the last person who touched me—and the only one who ever did it right.

You pulled your mask down, agitated. The automated female voice said, “Going up,” in Japanese, and you lost it.

“No, I’m not.”

Your hand found the collar of Jisung’s shirt, gripping it so tightly your hand cramped. Jisung’s eyes widened and his shoulders scrunched up. It occurred to you that maybe he thought you would hit him, likely due to your erratic behavior. But that was the last thing on your mind as you yanked the mask off of his face, and pressed your lips to his.

He froze for a moment, before cradling your cheeks in his hands. His body reacted a second later, pressing himself into you. A moment later, your back was pressed to the wall of the elevator and Jisung was slotting himself in between your legs. And you let him.

“I missed you,” He gasped in between desperate kisses, “So much.”

Your chest clenched, and your hands wrapped themselves around his narrow waist, coming up to fist themselves in the fabric of his hoodie.

A sensation in your lower stomach, spreading between your legs made your body feel even warmer. You wanted him so bad. You needed him.

But did he need you? Did he want you? Or did he just want you to need him?

You pushed him away as if he’d burned you. For all intents and purposes, he basically had. Jisung caught himself before he could fall against the wall, face perplexed.

“I shouldn’t have done that,” You whispered, eyes welling with tears, “I’m sorry.”

And just in time, “Seventh floor,” the automated voice said.

then i changed my mind

Maybe you couldn’t do this, you decided as you launched yourself out of the elevator. Jisung didn’t follow you this time. You wondered if you were making everything too complicated. Rounding the wrong corner, you found yourself at Dahyun and Chaeyoung’s door.

No, the little voice of reason in the back of your brain insisted, he doesn’t get to complain about that.

After a few knocks on the door, Dahyun opened the door. Her hair was damp, as if she’d just finished showering.

“Hey,” She said, “You look like shit. What happened to you?”

She ushered you in, and you wiped away a tear as you sat down on her bed.

It all just sort of… came out. Dahyun listened, nodding along every few moments to make it look like she was listening. You told her everything that had happened that day—the texting, the trip to the temple, the ride back, the elevator. The goddamn elevator.

“I don’t even know what came over me when I did that,” You mumbled once you were finished. “I don’t know what’s going on with me anymore.”

“Do you wanna know what I think?” Dahyun asked, leaning forward. You nodded.

“You clearly still have feelings for him,” She said, “I think both of you guys still do.”

“It wouldn’t work.” You shook your head. “Not after what he did.”

“Haven’t you punished him enough?”

You made a face. “What the hell are you even talking about?”

“Come on, Y/N,” Dahyun sighed, “It’s been six months. We gave you your space, but… you guys love each other. Jisung loves you, and you still love him, right? We’re all rooting for you guys.”

“Dahyun, I… I don’t think I could ever trust him again.”

“Oh, come on. It happens to everyone at least once. You love each other! I think it’s a testament to his love that even after his mistake—”

“It wasn’t a mistake—”

“—and after the way you treated him, he still loves you. Right?”

You froze, and your mouth fell open. “After the way I treated him? Was I supposed to react differently to my boyfriend cheating on me?”

She stared at you, before huffing. She seemed annoyed at the fact that the conversation was still going. “That’s not what I mean and you know it.”

Standing, you crossed your arms. “No! I really don’t, Dahyun. You really think that I was an asshole to him after everything he did to me—”

“Maybe he did it because you’re so fucking uptight about everything,” She grumbled, “Jesus.”

You took a step back, and your heart cracked. “Wow,” You muttered, “Nice one, Dahyun.”

Turning on your heel, you ignored Chaeyoung stepping out of the bathroom with damp hair. “What is it now?”

“Y/N,” Dahyun called, “Y/N!”

But you didn’t turn around. You slammed the door shut on the way out, and when you got back to your hotel room you locked your door. As you sat down, you felt like you probably should have felt hurt at the fact that you didn’t hear Dahyun chasing after you in an attempt to apologize to you.

guess i lied

You pulled your phone out of your pocket as it began to buzz. When you saw the name on your screen, your eyes grew misty.

dont answer: come to the rooftop balcony later tonight. i want to fix this, i really do

dont answer: we can get a nice dinner just you and me

dont answer: and then after we can just tall

dont answer: talk

In a fit of rage, you typed out with shaky hands. You knew it was wrong. But just once, you wanted him to hurt.

Y/N: ok. ill be there :)

dont answer: really?

dont answer: ill make it up to you i promise

dont answer: thank you baby

You couldn’t do this. Not anymore.

i'm a liar

You realized now just what an idiot you’d been. You’d poured so much into these people, these relationships that you’d been holding on to them because of some sunk cost fallacy logic. I’ve been with you for so long, I don’t want to lose you now.

You opened your laptop on the table, eyes brimming with tears as the monitor lit up to your earlier google search - the results displaying your previous search for Kiyomizu-dera.

And suddenly, your entire day came crashing down even further. Your eyes shot to where Jisung had sat that morning. He’d looked so panicked when you had gotten angry with him, fidgeting and gripping your hand, eyes looking anywhere and everywhere.

Closing your eyes, you conjured up the moment in your mind. The way his eyes stopped on the table and then…

“Kiyomizu-dera,” Jisung declared finally, eyes widening and a smile gracing his face. “You’ve always wanted to go, I know you have. We can go there.”

Of course he didn’t know. Or at least, he didn’t remember all the times you’d gushed about it. He lied. And you couldn’t stay here any longer.

Pulling up your flight information, you clicked at random looking for the option you wanted, wiping away the stray tears that ran down your cheeks.

Confirm return date change? You will be charged an extra fee for flights booked less than 24 hours before departure.

[x] Yes [ ] No

who lies

No, you couldn’t do this, you realized as your finger hovered over the mouse before finally clicking yes. As if your body had a mind of its own, you were packing your suitcases before you fully realized what was going on.

You were wrong. If you were being completely honest, running away from Jisung sounded like the best course of action. But until that happened, he would continue to eat away at you, to chain himself to you until it dragged the both of you down and make you feel bad for letting the both of you sink.

He cheated on you. And then when he said he didn’t want to blame you, he blamed you anyway. You were so busy. I felt so alone. Zero accountability, you realized as you pulled your suitcases into the elevator. The same elevator you had kissed him in. When you stepped into the lobby and handed them your checkout card, you knew there was no turning back.

dont answer: im already here, i’ll just wait for you

dont answer: baby?

[dont answer] calling…

one missed call from [dont answer]

dont answer: y/n?

Jisung still had your heart gripped in his hands. You needed to snatch it out of them and glue it back together.

How you would do that, you didn’t know.

But you knew it wouldn’t happen if you allowed him to hold this power over you, you realized as you stepped into the shuttle bus. With shaky fingers, you tapped a few options on your phone.

block “dont answer”?

You hit yes. You ignored the tear rolling down your cheek.

'cause i'm a liar

And when the shuttle bus began to move, you didn’t look back.

taglist: @iwishihadabettername @doderyscoffee @chanluster @laylasbunbunny @emobeomgyu @always-wishing-for-rain

#stray kids x reader #stray kids au #stray kids angst #han jisung x reader #han jisung au #han jisung angst #skz scenarios #stray kids scenarios #han jisung scenarios #punisher series

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