#too tired to continue to write coherent sentences

[thestayathomedragon]

WIP... what day is it?

Luis: *towers over him with glowing eyes, sharp bloody teeth, bloody clothes, bloody arms, bloody clawed hands, dripping blood, blood, blood, blood... Grins... bloodily*

Leon: 😍 ...You're perfect.

[alyrasturnz]

THIS IS ME TRYING

❐ summary » y/n struggles silently with a heavy heart. unable to open up to matt, y/n pens a poignant suicide note, a final cry for help. unbeknownst to y/n, matt stumbles upon the note, unraveling the depth of y/n's hidden pain. as the weight of the discovery settles, matt is determined to bridge the chasm of silence and offer the support y/n desperately needs.

❐ pairings » bf!matt x fem!reader

❐ warnings » suicidal thoughts, suicide letter, implied depression

❐ a/n && w/c » this was a request but i forgot to reply to the ask and i only realized when i was balls deep into designing this. so this was my 3rd update tonight.. i literally have school in an hour i didnt sleep at all. • 3.54k

you lay in bed, motionless, enveloped by the stillness of the room, your thoughts a tangled web of inertia and despondency. each breath felt like an echo in the cavernous silence. the world outside continued to spin, oblivious to the stasis that had overtaken your being, leaving you suspended in a void where time seemed to stretch infinitely.

you haven't been able to get out of your bed lately. the weight of innumerable burdens has been amassing, creating an insurmountable heap that leaves you paralyzed with indecision. you grapple with an internal tumult, yet the words to articulate your struggle elude you, leaving you in a silent battle against an invisible adversary.

you didn’t know much, countless questions swirling in your mind without answers. yet amidst the haze, one truth crystallized with stark clarity: you were utterly and profoundly tired, both in body and spirit.

so, for the first time in what felt like an eternity, you mustered the strength to sit up. you stood, the chill of the hardwood floor seeping through your feet, grounding you in the present. with deliberate steps, you made your way to your desk, each movement a small yet significant triumph over the inertia that had held you captive.

you had brushed matt off countless times, relying on the familiar refrains of "i'm busy" or "i don't feel well." there were even moments when you chose silence over any response at all, letting the unspoken words hang in the air like a heavy fog.

and you felt a gnawing guilt that only compounded your stress. it was as if the weight of your actions, or lack thereof, was an additional burden you were too weak to carry. each moment of avoidance chipped away at your already fragile resolve, leaving you feeling utterly incapable of handling anything.

you had endured this countless times before, but this time, it felt almost surreal. it was as if a cruel twist had taken hold of your very core, leaving you with a nauseating sense of unease. the sensation was both visceral and disorienting, amplifying the sickening nature of the experience.

you lowered yourself into the chair, the familiar creak accompanying your descent. with deliberate movements, you opened your notebook, the rustle of pages breaking the silence. you tore out a sheet, the sound sharp and final, before reaching into the drawer to retrieve a pen, its cool metal a reminder of the task at hand.

your thumb instinctively navigated to the pen's tip, the satisfying click resonating in the quiet room as you began to inscribe your thoughts upon the paper.

your mind was a chaotic whirlwind, the words on the page becoming an indecipherable jumble. amidst the confusion, one truth remained clear: you needed to muster the strength to say a proper goodbye.

you were writing, but the words felt disjointed and uncertain. the only coherent threads in your mind were the vivid memories you held with matt, each one weaving through your thoughts like a haunting refrain.

the ink from your pen flowed freely onto the paper, creating a tapestry of words even as tears welled in your eyes, blurring the lines between emotion and expression.

as you completed the final sentence, you gently placed your pen down, allowing the tears that had been welling up to cascade freely from your eyes, each drop a silent testament to the emotions etched within your words.

your heart constricted with a sudden, intense pang. but then, the sound of your front door clicking open broke through the haze, your head snapping toward the source of the unexpected intrusion.

"y/n?" matt's voice reverberated through the house, a resonant echo that amplified your growing panic.

you quickly opened your drawer, tossing your pen inside with a sense of urgency. grasping the piece of paper tightly, your eyes darted around the room, frantically searching for a suitable place to hide it, if only for the meantime. your mind raced, considering and discarding potential hiding spots, each one seeming inadequate under the pressure of the moment.

your heart raced with mounting intensity as you discerned the deliberate footsteps of matt ascending the stairs, each step echoing ominously and amplifying your sense of impending confrontation.

you swiftly crumpled the paper in your trembling hands, casting it to the ground with a hurried flick. using your foot, you deftly kicked it to the side, hoping to obscure it from view.

matt opened the door, his gaze locking onto yours. his eyes, which had initially held a stern intensity, softened almost immediately, a subtle shift that spoke volumes.

"hi, sweetheart," he murmured, a gentle smile playing on his lips as he quietly closed the door behind him. "you okay? you don't look well," he continued, his voice laced with concern as he approached you. his hands tenderly cupped your face, his eyes meticulously examining your features for any sign of distress.

his eyes meticulously traced the contours of your face, lingering on the more pronounced cheekbones that seemed to have become more defined over time. he noted the somber shadows beneath your eyes, dark bags that told the silent tale of sleepless nights and unspoken worries. 

his gaze moved with a deliberate slowness, absorbing every detail as if trying to understand the depth of your weariness through the subtle changes in your appearance.

it's true. you don't look well at all. it seems you've neglected self-care, with showering becoming an infrequent luxury rather than a daily ritual. you haven't been nourishing yourself properly, if at all. sleep has eluded you for many moons, leaving you in a state of perpetual exhaustion. your once sun-kissed skin had now taken on a pallid hue, a stark contrast to its former vitality.

he surveyed your room, his eyes taking in the disarray before finally settling back on you.

"i was going to discuss something else with you, but..." he murmured softly, his thumb delicately tracing the contours of your face, lingering as if to memorize every curve. "do you want me to run a bath for you?" matt inquired, his voice a soothing balm to your weary soul.

a bath does sound nice, you muse internally, the thought wrapping around you like a warm, comforting embrace.

"yeah..." you murmur softly, accompanied by a gentle nod. matt's smile widens, his hands falling to his sides, fingers twitching slightly as if reluctant to let go. you turn around slowly, the weight of the moment lingering in the air, a silent understanding passing between you.

his hand found its way to the small of your back, a reassuring presence that guided you with gentle insistence towards the bathroom, each step a silent promise of comfort and care.

you stood in the middle of the bathroom, feeling the cool tiles beneath your feet, as he turned the faucet of your bathtub on. he then bent down, opening the cabinet under your sink with practiced ease, retrieving a bath bomb with a flourish, its vibrant colors promising a moment of tranquility.

he plopped the bath bomb into the water, watching as it dissolved and painted a mesmerizing tapestry of colors across the surface. turning to face you, his eyes reflected the swirling hues, a silent invitation to join in the moment of serene beauty.

"up," he said softly, his hands deftly finding their way to the hem of your shirt. as you lifted your arms, matt carefully guided the fabric upwards, the motion slow and deliberate, as though savoring the quiet intimacy of the moment.

matt discards the shirt into the laundry basket with a casual flick, his hands then finding their place on your hips. with a gentle yet firm pull, he slides your sweatpants down, the fabric pooling at your feet as you step out of them, the movement fluid and unhurried.

you slowly walked over to the bathtub, each step deliberate and measured. as you approached, matt turned the faucet off with a precise motion, the water now still and inviting as you stepped inside, feeling the warmth envelop you.

you felt the warmth of the water envelop your skin, a soft smile tugging at the corners of your lips for the first time in what felt like an eternity. the gentle embrace of the water seemed to wash away the weight of countless days, leaving behind a fleeting moment of pure serenity.

"i'm gonna be back," matt said, his voice a gentle promise as he left the bathroom, the door closing softly behind him. you sank further into the bathtub, the water cradling you as you closed your eyes, surrendering to a moment of deep relaxation.

matt surveyed your room, his eyes absorbing the disarray with a contemplative gaze before he made his way to your bed, each step deliberate amidst the chaos.

he meticulously made your bed, replacing the sheets with fresh, crisp ones and arranging the pillows with deliberate care, ensuring each one found its rightful place.

he then gathered the scattered dirty clothes from the floor, swiftly descending to the laundry room. with a practiced motion, he deposited the soiled sheets and garments into the washer before making his way back upstairs.

he then approached your desk with a discerning eye, methodically organizing the clutter and discarding any paper that served no purpose. his gaze landed on a piece of paper lying adjacent to the bin. he intended to discard it, but the extensive writing it bore caught his attention.

he picked it up, carefully uncrumpling it and placing it onto your table. he was about to move on, but something made him glance back at it. there, amidst the text, was his name, written with unmistakable clarity.

his brow furrowed in contemplation as he delicately retrieved the piece of paper, his fingers tracing its edges with a sense of curiosity.

matt,

i don't even know where to begin. my heart is breaking as i write this, and i can't help but think of all the memories we've shared. every laugh, every tear, every quiet moment where we just existed together. you were my everything, and i wish i could have been stronger for you.

i've been fighting this darkness for so long, and it's like a weight that i can't lift anymore. i've tried to hold on, for you, for us, but i'm so tired, matt. i feel like i'm suffocating, and there's no air left for me to breathe. please know that this isn't your fault. you did everything you could, and you were my light in the darkest times.

i'm so sorry for the pain this will cause you. i wish i could stay and be the person you deserve, but i can't keep pretending that i'm okay. i don't want you to remember me like this, broken and lost. think of the times we danced in the kitchen, the nights we stayed up talking about our dreams, the mornings we woke up tangled in each other's arms. hold on to those moments and let them bring you comfort.

whenever you look at the sunset, think of me. think of the warmth and the beauty, and let it remind you of the love we shared. as much as it might hurt, i want you to move on. my selfish actions shouldn't take away your happiness and your potential to become better. you deserve all the happiness in the world, and i hope one day you'll find it again. don't let my absence take away your light. keep shining, keep loving, and keep living. i'll always be with you, in your heart, in your memories.

with all my love,

y/n

as soon as matt finished reading the letter, tears began to cascade down his face uncontrollably. he felt as though the very air had been stolen from his lungs, each breath a struggle as the weight of the words pressed heavily upon his heart.

he let out a soft sob at the thought of losing you to something he could’ve helped with. oblivious to your suffering, he was tormented by the realization that you had never confided in him.

matt stumbled into the bathroom, his hands trembling as he clutched the note, the paper crinkling under the pressure of his grip. his eyes, red and swollen from the relentless tears that refused to cease, bore the weight of his anguish. y

ou looked up from the bathtub, your face a poignant blend of exhaustion and sorrow, the dark circles under your eyes speaking volumes of sleepless nights and silent suffering. the room seemed to close in around him, the air thick with unspoken words and the heavy scent of despair.

"matt?" you mutter, your voice laced with a palpable concern, each syllable trembling as it escapes your lips, reflecting the depth of your unease and the gravity of the moment.

matt raises his trembling hand, revealing the crumpled letter, and in that instant, you feel your heart seize, as if time itself has momentarily halted.

"what is this?" his voice cracked, but now it carried a sharp, almost accusatory edge. "what are you doing?"

you could barely meet his eyes, the weight of your emotions pressing down on you like an unrelenting tide. "matt, i... i don't know what i'm doing. i'm so lost. i'm so alone."

he dropped to his knees beside the tub, the note still clutched tightly in his hand. "you think this is the answer? just leaving me like this?" his voice trembled, a volatile mix of anger and hurt lacing every word.

tears streamed down your cheeks as you reached out to touch his face, your fingers trembling. "i'm sorry, matt. i feel like i'm drowning in my own thoughts. i don't know how to make it stop."

he shook his head, his frustration bubbling to the surface like a simmering cauldron. "you don't care about what this would do to me? to us? you think disappearing is the solution?"

you leaned in, your breath trembling as you delicately brushed a strand of hair from his forehead. you paused for a moment, your fingers lingering on his skin, tracing the contours of his face as if trying to memorize every detail. 

then, with a tenderness that belied the turmoil within you, you pressed a gentle kiss to his forehead. "i don't want to, but i feel so trapped. it's like i'm stuck in this darkness and i can't find my way out."

matt's eyes flashed with a tumultuous blend of anger and desperation. "you can't just give up! we have to fight this together. running away won't solve anything."

"i don't know how, matt. i don't know how to let you in when i can't even understand what's happening to me," you whispered, your voice trembling as you pulled away, feeling the warmth of his hands cupping your face.

"we'll figure it out together," he whispered, his voice filled with determination but still tinged with frustration. he took a deep breath, his fingers gently tracing the outline of your face, as if trying to imprint the moment into his memory. "just promise me you'll stay. we'll find a way through this, i swear."

you nodded, tears cascading down your cheeks like a relentless stream. "i'm scared, matt. i'm so scared of what i'm feeling," you confessed, your voice quivering with the weight of your emotions.

he pulled you into a tight embrace, his own tears mingling with yours. "i know, but you're not alone. i'm right here with you, every step of the way," he murmured, his voice a soothing balm against the storm of your fears, as his arms tightened around you, anchoring you in the shared vulnerability of the moment.

you clung to him, the warmth of his hug a small comfort in the storm of your mind. "thank you, matt. i don't know what i'd do without you," you whispered, your voice barely audible as you buried your face in his chest, seeking solace in the steady rhythm of his heartbeat amidst the chaos of your thoughts.

"you'll never have to find out," he vowed, his voice steady and strong, though the anger still simmered beneath the surface. "we'll get through this, together," he promised, his words a resolute anchor as his grip tightened, conveying a fierce determination to weather the storm side by side.

with that, you allowed yourself to lean into his strength, the darkness still looming but no longer as suffocating. matt's unwavering support and his raw, honest emotions were the beacon you needed to start navigating your way back from the abyss.

»--•--«

it had been half a year since matt had stumbled upon the letter that bared your soul's darkest thoughts. true to his word, he had been a steadfast beacon, guiding you through the tempestuous seas of your despair.

now, you find yourself enveloped in a profound sense of contentment, a state of happiness that has eluded you for what feels like an eternity. matt, with unwavering dedication, facilitated your journey into therapy, and his presence has become a constant in your life, as if he has seamlessly integrated himself into your very existence, never straying from your side.

you would find solace in the nights spent at his place, and he would reciprocate by staying over at yours. matt, with meticulous care, ensured that every action he took was aimed at nurturing your well-being and lifting your spirits.

he unearthed a myriad of shared hobbies for the two of you to indulge in, much like the one you're presently engaged in.

you and matt find yourselves amidst a picturesque picnic, where he has decided to embrace the art of painting as well.

your paintbrush delicately grazed the canvas, a gentle smile playing on your lips as you meticulously brought a beautiful garden to life through your strokes.

"matt! look," you giggle softly, your voice a melodic whisper, as matt leans over, his eyes twinkling with curiosity and admiration, to behold the intricate masterpiece you've crafted.

"that looks beautiful, sweetheart," he murmured tenderly, pressing a gentle kiss to your temple, as a delicate pink hue blossomed across your cheeks.

“y’think so?” you inquire, turning towards him with a mixture of hope and curiosity in your eyes, seeking the affirmation and reassurance that only his words could provide.

he smiled, his eyes crinkling at the corners as he leaned in, planting a tender kiss onto your lips. "i know so," he murmured with a smile that spoke volumes of his unwavering certainty.

as you both continued painting, a comfortable silence enveloped the space between you. the gentle hum of nature filled the air, with the chirping of crickets and the rustle of leaves composing a symphony of tranquility that seemed to dance around you.

matt broke the silence, his voice imbued with a thoughtful resonance. he paused for a moment, glancing around as if the memories were painted in the very air around you. "do you remember the first time we came here? it was right after that big storm, and everything was so fresh and new."

you laughed softly, the memory vivid in your mind. the sound of your laughter seemed to blend with the gentle rustling of leaves, creating a harmonious melody. "yeah, we got soaked trying to find shelter, but it was worth it. the meadow looked like a scene from a fairy tale."

he nodded, a smile playing on his lips, his eyes reflecting the warmth of the memory. "i think that's when i knew this place would always be special to us. it's like our own little world, untouched by everything else."

you looked at him, feeling a surge of affection swell within you, like a tide rising to meet the shore. "it's not just the place, matt. it's what we've built together. the memories, the growth... it's all part of our story."

he squeezed your hand gently, his eyes reflecting the same sentiment, a silent echo of your own feelings. "you're right. and i wouldn't trade any of it for the world."

"you know," you began, dipping your brush into a shade of blue, watching the pigment mix with the water, swirling gently before lifting it to the canvas and applying it with careful, deliberate strokes, "i never thought i'd feel this peaceful again."

matt glanced over, his own painting a beautiful mess of colors and emotions, each brushstroke layered with meaning and depth. "i always knew you would," he replied, his voice soft yet unwavering. "you've come so far, y/n. it's incredible to see you like this." 

you smiled, the corners of your eyes crinkling with genuine happiness, a warmth spreading through your chest. "i couldn't have done it without you, matt. your support, your patience... it meant everything."

you both fell silent again, the weight of your shared history settling comfortably around you like a well-worn blanket. it was in these moments of quiet reflection that you truly appreciated the profound depth of your bond.

finally, you lifted your brush, a newfound resolve kindling within your heart. "to new beginnings," you said, your voice steady and imbued with hope.

matt echoed your words, his smile a reflection of your own. "to new beginnings," he repeated, his voice resonating with the same hopeful resolve.

tags — @imwetforyourmom @meatballzerz69 @pinkishpearls @bandanamatt @thedangerousalleyway @muchloveforhacker @stinkytinkywinky @jetaimevous @everleiqh @conspiracy-ash @ifwdominicfike @blahbel668

[faraway-archive]

Favorite Secretary

Yan!CEO x GN (secretary) Reader

Tw: yandere behavior, smut, mind corruption

AN; Sorry for any mistakes, and no plot- smut :p

˚₊‧꒰ა❤︎໒꒱ ‧₊

Gasping for air as you grasp his desk as he keeps fucking you. Trying to keep your moans down as his cock fits perfectly into your hole, as if it was made for him and that just made him more feral. He wants to hear more of you, if only you didn't have to be quite while he fucks you brainless. Every time both of you have sex he is very happy about ruining your career, he did everything in his power to make sure you only work with him. That you are under his control. He made sure you got rejected and blacklisted from working anywhere else but his company. Even better that you are his secretary, it helps to make sure you are closer to him than before.

He keeps ramming into you and grabs your waist tightly, making sure you don't fall onto his desk. He wants to make sure you feel his dick inside of you, at some point he pulls you up and makes you sit on his dick. Opening up your legs and just starts ramming his dick into your hole, you lost it and moaned loudly. You can't help it, his dick feels good as he keeps going in and out, it doesn't help that he is taller and buffer to. He has all that muscle and it wasn't for show, it's something that he can use to his advantage.

"Fuck baby, you feel so good. You love taking my cock right? Panting like crazy, grabbing my arm as if that can stop me from being in your tight hole."

You couldn't say anything but moan. His dick is too good, too good for you to mumble anything but a slight 'yes'. Grabbing his arms as he goes into you, begging to cum. You can't help it- his dick is too good for you to keep it in longer and you just need to let it go. You can't think straight anymore besides his dick. You hate it, you wish that you didn't have to come to this life. If only you didn't get blacklisted from the job site, you could have been anywhere else. But on the other hand you can't deny, this job is good and it helps keep you afloat in the current world. If only your CEO wasn't so.... obsessed with you, but I guess that comes with the job.

"I will only cum if you beg for it." "Please let me cum! Let me, please please," You kept blabbing, unable to make coherent sentences or thoughts. His dick is too much for you. "Cum then, since you're desperate enough for my dick."

As soon as you came, he still kept going. At this point you felt overwhelmed and your legs shake violently. Soon after he came inside of you- no warning as you feel his cum inside of you. Gasping as he slowly pulls his dick out, watching his cum drip out of your hole.

"Good.. you did so well. I'm proud of my little secretary, taking my dick well. But you did moan loudly... ah well that's another time. Good job." Smiling as he helps clean you up, dressing you in your outfit and watching you struggle to leave his office as if nothing happened.

⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘

Below this is old writing, I didn't like the way it was heading so yeah, didn't feel like deleted it LOL

⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘ You always kept quiet and did your own things. Wondering why the CEO would make you be his own secretary, didn't he have one before? You wonder what happened to them. Shaking your head you continued your job, scheduling meetings, responding to emails, all sorts of boring but important tasks. While in the mists of your task, Lux, the CEO called you to his office. That's weird, he never called you to his office unless it was an emergency. Aka you fucked up. Gulping, you finished up sending the last email and began to walk up to his office.

While you were walking up to his office, Lux was eagerly waiting for you. He has done so much to get you to be this close, just a bit more and you will be his. He was able to mess up your life to the point to where you now depend on this job to survive. He was getting tired of his old sectary anyways, but you. You were appealing to him. Something about you appealed to his taste, you were someone so pure, kind-hearted, something that he mostly lacked. You touched his heart when he first saw you in that small café. He was going to pass that until he heard your voice, and than he saw you. You captivated his attention. He just had to have you. To make you his. He smiles as he eagerly waited for you, he just can't wait to make you his. No matter what.

You made it to his office, standing in front of it you softly knocked. Hearing a muffled 'come in' you opened the door. Lux. The CEO sitting in his desk, smiling at you and gesturing to come closer to his desk. You do, very shakily. When you arrived at his desk, he stands up and walks towards you, Lux towering over you as he slowly leans in to your face. You slowly back away from him until your back hits his desk.

Glancing up at him he smirks, one of his hands holds the back of your hair and yanks it. Making you look at his ceiling and felt his breath on your neck. Kissing your neck as his other hand travels down into your pants. Gasping as he quickly unbottles your pants and watching it slide down.

[hellfirecvnt]

A Few Ways to Improve Your Writing (on Tumblr) from Somebody Who Has No Business Writing

*Specifically for writing fanfiction, though some of the tips are universal.

- Indenting. I usually only indent on mobile bc for some reason, it just throws them the fuck away on my laptop. To indent, I usually just do five "spaces." It just looks nicer (imo) and can help with readability.

Example:

This is a paragraph. In this specific paragraph, I'm showing you what an indention is. It's those five empty spaces at the beginning.

- Dialogue changes. When a character speaks, that's a new paragraph. When a different character speaks next, that's a new paragraph no matter how short the speech is. It's always a great storytelling device. You don't even have to label who is speaking every time if you properly use context clues in the rest of your story!

Example:

"I am speaking," said the man. He is a guy and he's totally speaking.

"Fuck you, Todd."

"Whoa." Todd was not expecting that.

- POV. It's easier said than done, but try to keep your story in the same point of view the whole time, or at least clarify when the POV is changing.

Example: Wrong

You smile at Dee. She's your best friend and has been since elementary school. You ask Dee to borrow a pencil and she happily obliges, passing her the pencil. She says thanks to Dee and the two best friends continue writing. (Confusing, especially for someone who isn't a native English speaker.)

Example: Right

You smile at Dee. She's your best friend and has been since elementary school. You ask Dee to borrow a pencil and she happily obliges, passing you the pencil. You say thanks to Dee and the two best friends continue writing. (Coherent and Cambria, baby.)

Additionally, to show an intentional change in POV, just announce it!

Example:

Dee's POV-

This bitch will not stop asking me for pencils.

Your POV-

Oh, fuck. I forgot my pencil again...

- Complete words. This may be a personal thing, but around the time that Stranger Things 4 came out, I noticed a TON of people just not using the first few letters of the first word of their sentences?? It's another one of those things that's unintentionally inaccessible for people who don't speak English as a first language.

Example: Wrong

"'m not tired yet," she said.

Example: Right

"I'm not tired yet," she said.

- If it's a reader insert, please do not describe Y/N. Pls don't mention hair texture, but a vague style is usually fine. Pls don't mention body size unless it's specified. Don't mention skin tone. Pleaseeee, don't take away from someone else's ability to see themselves in your work that's specifically meant for the reader to see themselves in. Lots of communities don't ever get to see themselves in media, don't take fanfiction from them too.

- Use bold/italics. Both of these things can breathe a whole new life into what emotion you're trying to convey.

Example: No bold/italics

"I told you not to go there. Now we're both screwed."

Example: with bold/italics

"I told you not to go there. Now we're both screwed."

- Reread periodically. When writing a story for a few days, take a moment to go back and reread everything you've put down so far. You'd be surprised by how many little details and storytelling devices you'd forgotten about between writing sessions.

- Hit "Save Draft" literally every 15 minutes or any time you set your phone down if you write on mobile. Speaks for itself.

- AI will fuck you over. Don't be a fuckin' loser.

- Your ideas are NOT bad. Don't water down your vision in hopes that more people will read it. There really is something for everybody. You're doing yourself and your audience a disservice by changing your storyline to be more "mellow" or "relatable." It can be big, it can be dramatic, it can be weird, it can be angst or fluff or smut or literally anything bc YOU made it! No matter what, there will be people who love it with all their flesh and bones and people who scroll past after the first few sentences. It's all about chemistry or something idfk.

(Drop more tips in the comments/tags/reblogs for the new writers of Tumblr ((and me)) to learn and grow!)

[mountttmase]

can you please write something (can be short if you want to) where Mase has her between his legs, back against his chest and makes her cum with his fingers? Like he doesn’t want sex bc he’s too tired but he wants to make her cum xx

Funnily enough I’ve written this exact scene just a little different but it’s from a fic I can’t post so you can have this section if you want 🩷 not to sure if it’s too early in the day for smut but let’s go with it

Mason tapped the space in front of him, before helping you move so you were comfortable, sitting you in between his legs with your back pressed to his chest. His hands made their way around your waist, settling on your tummy and you moved your head ever so slightly to the side so you could lean back to look up at him.

‘I just don’t wanna cum too quick, I’ve got too much I wanna do to you and if I let you carry on any longer we would of had a big problem’ he reassured you, a slightly shyness to his voice but you appreciated the honesty as his fingers lightly grazed your abdomen. You smiled up at him and he bought his face back down to yours slowly.

His kisses were heavy, his tongue invading your mouth instantly and it wasn’t long before his hands stared to wander. One reaching up to slowly stroke over your chest and pinch your nipple whilst the other headed south to where you needed him most. You drew up your knees slightly and parted your legs for him so he had easier access but apparently this still wasn’t enough so he broke your kiss before grabbing your legs and placing them on the outside of his, trapping them there so you couldn’t close them no matter if you tried.

He kept his lips on your neck, littering it with kisses as he slowly ran his fingers up you and you felt him smile into your neck, happy with himself at how wet he’d made you.

You were completely at his mercy and you were absolutely loving it.

‘Is this all for me?’ He whispered directly in your ear, bringing his fingers to his mouth, sucking on them gently with his eyes closed ‘you taste so fucking sweet, i cant believe how perfect you are’ he moaned before looking back in your eyes. ‘I want you to cum around my fingers again, that sound good?’

You were too turned on form a coherent sentence so you just nodded, you tummy churning with desire and anticipation and when you felt him press a kiss to your shoulder you thought you might explode. Soon enough, you felt his fingers return or your core, circling your clit a few times before dipping at your entrance and then back to your sensitive bead. His lips on your jaw, kissing along until he got to your lips, smiling against you as he swallowed your moans.

He pulled back slightly, his lips only just touching yours so he could hear your whimpers as he slowly inserted a finger, pumping in and out of your slowly to let you adjust whilst his name fell from your lips.

‘You take me so well, baby’

His praise only made you clench down harder and you felt a low growl leave him at the sensation. He added another finger, his thumb coming down to circle over your clit and you felt like you didn’t know what to do with yourself. Your hands that were fisting the sheets moved to grip his arms, desperate to feel him in some way as he continued to torture you.

‘Telling me earlier you’re not my good girl, I think by the sounds coming out of you now you’ve proved you are’ he spoke seductively in your ear and you weren’t sure if he was referring to your moans or the wet sounds of his fingers plowing into you but all you could do was groan in response. ‘I think you love it. Come on baby, tell me you’re my good girl’

‘I’m your good girl Mase’ you managed to get out and he lightly nipped at the skin of your neck.

‘That’s it, and who’s pussy is this, huh?’

‘Yours Mase, I’m all yours’

His lips came crashing down on yours, the hand what was playing with your breast reaching up to wrap around your neck and you gasped as he applied a slight pressure. It was all becoming too much. His voice, his constant praise, his fingers working their magic on you and now his hand around your throat. You were so close to letting go and your hips started bucking up into his hand, wanting to feel him as deep as possible.

‘Please Mase’ you cried ‘I need to cum, please keep going’

The hand around your throat moved down to hold you hip, ceasing your movements so he had a bit more control. Your high was so close you could taste it and after two more thrusts of of his fingers you fell apart around him, whimpering his name as you did so.

‘That’s it, there we go. Such a good girl’ he spoke into your ear as he coaxed you through it, his fingers slowing as he felt you relax and once your breathing had slightly returned to normal he slowly removed them from you, kissing you cheek gently as he did. You started to relax even more into him, shutting your eyes and you felt him chuckle as he looked down at you. ‘Don’t get too comfy, I’m not done with you yet’

🩷🩷🩷

[stvharrngton]

🔥; steve + a kink (please don’t request any kinks that i don’t write for > stated below)

steve + dumbification kink(if u are comfy with it ofc <3)

request #2 for ivy<3 (first time writing this kink so i hope it’s okay!!🥺)

pairing: steve harrington x fem!reader

word count: 1.2k

warnings: smut, 18+ minors dni, fingering, overstimulation, dumbification kink, dom!steve and sub!reader vibes, this is really filthy and i’m not sorry

taglist: @sweetiestevie @dukesmebby @sw34terw34ther @sweetbabygirlsworld

1k celebration

You were almost at your third orgasm of the night. Your clit throbbing from the constant stimulation, your limbs tired and your body wrecked. You wailed below Steve, unable to string together a coherent sentence.

“What’s the matter, baby? Can’t get your words out, huh?” Steve mocked, fingers pumping in and out of your pussy cruelly.

You could only muster a high-pitched whine and a moan of his name, “Steve,” you cried. Fingernails clawing at his bare shoulders, crescent shaped marks left in your wake, “please.”

“Please?” He asked, his thumb rubbing at your clit now, “Please what? Tell me what you want and I’ll let you cum.”

“I, uh, fuck!—“ you whimpered, the pressure in your stomach was too much. A sweet twist and pull of your insides, “Want you.”

Steve chuckled and your eyes grew glassy, “C’mon honey, you can do better than that.” He stated simply, “Tell me what you want.”

You gnawed on your bottom lip, chest breathing deeply as you tried to pull yourself together to give Steve the answer he was so calmly waiting for.

“I want, oh shit,” you moaned as Steve curled his fingers in a particular way that had you melting beneath him, “your cock, Steve, fuck yes, I want your cock.”

“Good girl.” He mused, fingers still brushing against that spot, thumb still rubbing at your clit, “Want me to fuck you dumb, huh? Fuck you so deep you forget how to speak?”

Your eyes rolled to the back of your head at the filth that was coming out of his mouth. Pussy clenching around his fingers, you were about damn near ready to burst, your third orgasm rolling over your spent body.

“Yeah, yes,” you wailed, “pleasepleaseplease.”

Steve smirked down at you as he continued to fuck his fingers into you. You writhed against the sheets as your back arched into his touch, body shaking from the overstimulation as you closed your legs around his hand.

He waited until you stilled to remove his fingers, lips coming to brush against your cheek, moving to pepper kisses along your bare shoulder. Steve moved a little more gently this time, knowing you were a little more wrecked than the last one.

Steve removed his boxers before settling between your thighs again. Cock hard and thick, tip a pretty pink and leaking beads of pre-cum. He spat in his hand before pumping himself a few times, smothering his cock in the saliva.

He lined himself up with your puffy pussy, tip teasing your entrance. Steve’s large palm came to cup your cheek, thumb rubbing over the skin softly, “Ready, angel?”

It was funny, you thought, how easy it was for Steve to switch from cocky and teasing to soft and gentle. But it wouldn’t last, you knew that, not with the mood it seemed he was in tonight. You nodded nonetheless.

Steve pushed his cock inside, inch by inch until he buried inside you to the hilt. You both groaned out at the stretch, your velvety walls swallowing his cock so tightly.

“Oh, fu-uck,” Steve groaned, drawing out the last word. He gripped your hips tight as he hung his head, his hair flopping down into his eyes, “pussy’s so fucking tight.”

Your pussy fluttered around Steve’s cock, your hands fisting the sheets either side of you as he began to roll his hips against yours. He started slow but deep, hips snapping against with a slap, Steve’s heavy balls brushing against you with every stroke.

You felt so full. Steve’s cock was fat and filling you up just right, the tip brushing against that spot within. Your head felt light and fuzzy, thoughts too overwhelmed with how fucking good Steve was making you feel. The only thing on your mind was Steve Steve Steve.

“Does that feel good, honey? Like it when I fuck you hard and deep?” Steve breathed out, his eyes dark and lustful.

He towered over you, holding himself up with his hands either side of your head. His forehead came to rest against yours, his cock fucking in and out of you at a unrelenting pace.

You couldn’t muster any kind of coherent response, your breath shaky and voice raspy from how loud Steve was making you. So you whined and whimpered, crying out strings of curses and mumbles of the boy’s name.

“Shit, baby, I’m barely getting started and you’re already all fucked out, hm?” Steve wrapped his fingers around your jaw, thumb rubbing across your bottom lip.

Wrapping your lips around his thumb, you sucked. Eyes fluttering closed as Steve continued to thrust into your sopping cunt hard, a strangled moan humming from the back of your throat.

Steve groaned at the feeling of your tongue lapping at his thumb, jaw slack and mouth hanging agape, “Like it when I fuck you stupid, yeah? Pretty little thing.” Steve moaned gruffly.

The boy grins when you can only strangle out a whimper. Your eyes turned glassy, your insides twisting at how his cock was bullying your pussy. You huffed out a whine as Steve brought his thumb to your clit, rubbing messy circles into the nub as you clenched around him.

Your nails nug into Steve’s bare biceps, surely leaving him with scratches in the morning. You garbled out a noise, a half moan, half wail as his thumb kept at your clit, “S’too much?”

“Steve,” you whimpered, back arching off the bed pushing your tits against his chest, “please, I can’t—“

“Come on, baby, you can give me one more, can’t you?” Steve cooed, smattering sweet kisses all over your face. He gripped your legs with one hand, pushing your thighs up against your stomach.

The pressure in your stomach was building once more, your clit throbbing and swollen. You cried out beneath Steve, his cock splitting your aching pussy out so far, his ministrations on your clit making your poor cunt give out. You gushed around Steve’s cock, your body shaking.

“Oh,” Steve hushed, “good girl, that’s it,” his hips pistoning at an unbearable pace, tears welling in your eyes at the sensation, “cum all over my cock, baby.”

The boy chased his own high desperately as your body lay spent on the bed. Steve buried his face in the crook of your neck, breath fanning across your skin and his thrusts became sloppy, hips stuttering against your own.

“Oh baby,” he whined, “just like that, pussy’s so fuckin’ sweet.”

Steve’s face contorted as he let out the prettiest moan, a low rasp of his voice as his abs clenched. His own climax rolling throughout his body, ropes of hot cum leaking into your puffy pussy.

His hips only stopped when the stimulation became a bit too much, pulling out of you with a hiss. Steve’s chest heaved as his forehead was slick with sweat, cheeks flushed a pretty pink. His eyes returned to their usual soft, warm brown, his features soft as he took in your tired form.

“Hang in there, love,” he whispered against your cheek with a chuckle, running off to the bathroom to get a damp towel.

Your head was still a little fuzzy, a little spaced out as your breathing returned to normal. You winced as Steve pressed the cloth to your core gently.

“Sorry! Sorry…” he hushed you, a little smirk tugging at his lips, “a little sensitive, hm, baby?”

You whined with a giggle, arms covering your blushing cheeks, “Stop teasing, Steve.” You grumbled.

“Sorry, angel,” Steve chuckled, pressing a kiss to your knee.

[sh1-n0bu]

Wanderer x GN! Reader [Smut]

《●Important/Warning: -(N/N) is the nickname you gave Wanderer -Y/N is you as per usual -Power bottom(?) Scara, mentions of rough sex, This smut can be read by anyone of any gender/Sexuality, Soft and fluffy sex -ooc Wanderer? -!!!NOT PROOFREAD●》

♧|🍦anon: I'm too scared to make an actual account for these stuff💀 I hope you don't mind me sharing my imagination in here. Maybe next week I'll make a writing acount. Oh, Can I change my anon name to "Creampuff Anon"? OH GOD MY CLASSMATES WERE BEHIND ME WHILE WRITING THIA OH JESUS|♧

◇

Oh poor boy Wanderer.

He was tired.

Once he tried to fuck you, He couldn't keep his position.

He whines on your neck, his dick was so sensitive.

As his lover, you decided to take care of him this time.

Once you got on top of him he was expecting for you to go all out. Fucking him till he's stupid to the point where only thing he knows is your name. Fucking his ass and slapping him. Him sucking you off for hours as his painfully hard cock rocks back and fourth on the bed. Oh you know, just small thoughts of possible paybacks to when 'Scaramouche' went rough on you all these times.

But oh was he wrong.

Even though he was under you, under your mercy, you gave him some sense of power. Obeying his please and demands, Riding him to his hearts content. Being oh so good for him. Bouncing on his cock, his mouth agape as he tightens his grip on your thighs. His eyes are shut, strands of hair sticking on his forehead.

He's so lost, You did fuck him dumb but in a good way.

You panted the nick name Traveler gave him, "Hmmm... (N/N), Are you gonna cum? I want to cum with you.." you whispered.

"Yes c-cum with me..♡now–!♡" The grip on your thighs hurted but wow. It felt good at the same time.

You almost lost your balance, "Are you okay? Should I get off or stay?"

Your obidience, your kindness, your worry, your love.

It was all too much for him. He sighs pulling you close to him as he changes the position slightly, wrapping his arms and legs around you.

He will give you a reward after this.

"Oh? Are you still hard?" He didn't even notice he was grinding on you.

"Please, Let me take care of you until you're satisfied."

"Y/N– Hmph–!♡" You caught him off guard, climbing on top of him again, "(N/N)? Sorry. Should I stop?"

"N-no its not that.. I just-" he wasn't able to finish coherent sentences, Especially when you kept that eye contact with him. Keep it up and he'll cum earlier than expected.

" 'Just' ?"

"Just that, you're too good." He tried sitting up to kiss you.

"So... you want me to continue?" You smirked.

"...Yes." without wasting another moment you gave him pleasure until he slept soundly.

◇

♧|🍦 anon:  It's the parental issues me and this man has okay I want to give him some good fluffy sex mkAYYY

Also part 2 will be out pretty soon, Writing smut is way faster cause you're just Horny |♧

yes yes yes yes yes yes yes fucking god yes. soft sex my underrated beloved♥️

[livelaughlovekny]

He comforts you

Notes: Modern AU , Gender neutral reader, 2nd person POV a/n: Not really sure how I feel about comfort fics but writing comforting/affirmative(?) words makes me feel better. Hope that this helps anyone out there!

  “Hey.” A pause. “ Are you free?” He could hear what you didn’t say. He immediately responded. “Yeah, the playground?” He was already getting himself dressed and picking up his keys. “Yeah.” You hang up. When he arrived at the neighbourhood playground, he saw you on the swings, staring at the ground. You had that expression on your face you always have when you are thinking about what happened and trying to figure out what was wrong. He takes the swing next to you and looks at you carefully, trying not to scare or overwhelm you. “Hey. Want to talk about it?”

  You swung your feet a little, moving back and forth. “I don’t know.” He waited. He knew that you would speak, you just needed a moment to get yourself ready. “I don’t know. I- I just- I don’t know.” Your head was swamped with thoughts, unable to focus on swinging, you stopped. “I just- I don’t know. I- I’m so sorry, I can’t explain myself and there’s just like stuff I- I don’t know, I have so much but like if I can’t I-” You struggled to form a coherent sentence; your thoughts were starting to overwhelm you. There was too much happening too fast.

  Muichirou nodded his head. “Take your time. You can start small. Do you want me to guide you a little?” You nodded your head, desperate to get your thoughts straight. “How did it start?” Silently, you recounted what happened in your head and struggled to get the words out. You didn’t know how to explain yourself. He looked at you calmly. “I won’t judge, take it slow. You can always add on later. I will listen.” Right, yes, you don’t have to get everything out at once. You take a deep breath. “I was supposed to be doing homework but I wasn’t. I was texting my friends. My mother started telling me how she needs me to tell her when I want to use my laptop and phone for leisure activities. She said I only had a total of two hours a day.” Your words got stuck in your throat.

  Humming softly to acknowledge your words, Muichirou asked, “I see, how did that make you feel? Just your feelings, you don’t have to provide an explanation if you can’t at the moment.” Collecting yourself, you answered, “Annoyed. Very annoyed and frustrated.” You pause before continuing, “I- I don’t remember why. Everything feels so jumbled up together and like all mushed up. I can’t remember anything.” Your anxiety started to return and you were starting to detach from reality, struggling to stay afloat in your ocean of thoughts. He reached over and tentatively placed his hand on yours. “Come back, you don’t have to be alone with your thoughts. Take it slow. Let’s try another question. Which part of getting your laptop and phone restricted annoy you the most?”

  Getting pulled back into the real world and for a short moment, out of your thoughts, you blinked slowly, trying to calm down. “I think it’s because I’m getting too reliant on them. Especially my laptop. I need to listen to music to do most things. I need a nice distraction but not too much and I need to be able to control it. I think. It’s so hard to complete my work and tasks on time. I can’t focus. It’s just so hard. I need to like, switch between work and rest. I feel so mad at myself but I can’t help it and it’s just so tiring.” You had so much more to say but you couldn’t get it out.

  Muichirou stared at you calmly. “I get what you mean. It is tough to concentrate on stuff for long periods of time. You haven’t been feeling well for a long time, correct?” You nodded your head, feeling the need to elaborate on that too but couldn’t. “Don’t worry, you can tell me how you feel later. I understand that you find it very hard to focus on things and that’s alright, it’s not easy constantly feeling like you have to fix and prove yourself and get things done on time. It’s also okay to not know what caused you to be anxious.” And then, it was like something within you snapped.

  Tears started sliding down your cheek. Noticing your tears, Muichirou got up and hugged you. You start sobbing harder. “It’s just that I feel so angry! And I’m just mad at myself for being mad! It’s honestly my fault but I can’t help it and I feel so awful and!” Your words spilled out and stumbled against each other; you sounded incoherent yet he understood what you wanted to convey. Gently pressing his palm against your back, he slid it down and up to sooth you. “I’m here. I’m not going to leave.”

  “I may not be able to take away your pain but I hope I will be able to help you overcome it. It’s not easy carrying all that pain yourself, you have been very brave. I’m proud of you.”

a/n: didnt manage to work on my requests these few days due to school stress but its been worked on a little!! :0 might make this a series/collection where the situations are a little more details perhaps?

[beingdreeyore]

Working from home today, but not by choice. I know I am fortunate to have this option, but this isn't the day I usually do this and it's thrown me out. I didn't want to be here today.

Physio this morning. Usually it feels like catching up with a friend. We laugh and joke the whole time. But this morning I was just moody, difficult to get a smile out of. I know why. It's because I'm exhausted. These 2am wake-ups continue and I don't know why. And my back hurts again.

Things are unsettled inside me. I just want to sleep and be left alone. I didn't feel like that yesterday. Today it's just tipped into too long without enough sleep. Perhaps it's better I'm at home.

I caught Z loudly walking past and peering in my door yesterday. He hesitated, went to stop, gave me an unsure smile. I managed to smile back. "Stop!" my brain willed him. But he didn't. He hesitated and then kept walking. Two more weeks and we will be out of each others lives forever. It begins again. This endless trail of men I wanted to beg to stay in my life, but they all leave. He's just the latest.

How much of this is exhaustion talking? How much would be there anyway?

My last two practice exams have been horrific and I don't know why my marks have dropped so much. Lack of sleep, yes, but that far? It's creating a lot of anxiety. Even now, I'm sitting here writing this instead of a practice essay because I'm too tired to string a coherent sentence together. It's too much of a chore today. Psychiatry has a chequered history. There is good and bad. I know I need the practice, but how many times can I write variations on the same essay, never knowing if it's good enough?

It's just one of those days. These days remind me why sleep interference is used as a torture tactic. The world is awful and nothing makes sense. But it's nothing that can't be fixed with sleep. That's what I keep reminding myself.

It will all be better as soon as I can get some sleep...

[alilbihh]

!!!!! um... I don't know if you want to write about new ones or not... but I also can't think of any new ideas since I'm freakin out a bit but I'll do some more thinking so.... um... a short little drabble or maybe a snippet of their lives in spring leaves after they confessed, how life is fr them now....?

i had a really fun time with this one, thank you to my designated spring leaves fan for requesting :) I hope it's up to your standards!!

masterlist

words: 1.5k

There is a quiet peace in marriage that you’re still coming to terms to.

It goes beyond learning each other’s habits, or making time for each other, or even whispered words of love. It is more the realization that you are loved— the knowledge that you can take care of yourself, but now, you are creating a space where you can take care of each other. That you could be trying to open a particularly difficult pickle jar and Jimin could take it and say “Let me help you,” that in it, there exists a prayer for which no words are said: You could do it yourself, but why should I let you, when I am here, and you are loved?

That being loved in this way is a choice, one that you both continue to choose.

Jimin chooses this, still, as he runs in tune with your pace, when you both know he could leave you in the dust.

(That morning, a gentle arm tries its best to slip out from under your head without waking you. When you groggily come to, even in your haze you can see the guilt on Jimin’s face. 

“Sorry,” He says, pulling his arm out the rest of the way to run a hand through your hair.

“S’okay,” you croak, cupping the back of his head to pull him back down to bed. He’s smiling as he complies, lets himself be pulled, be held, and when you wrap your arms around his neck, he wraps his arms around you, too.

Just as you’re trying to gather your thoughts into one coherent sentence, Jimin pipes up from where his nose is pressed into your shoulder, body twisted into an awkward angle as he leans into you, “Gotta go.”

“Where?” You say, then, “Oh. Running? Don’t go. Let’s cuddle instead.”

You feel his lips move before the words are even formed, feel the way they curve into a smile. “I can’t. And we cuddled all night already.”

“So what? Are you tired of me? Am I not appealing to you anymore?”

“So dramatic.” He laughs quietly. “You could always go running with me.”

You think for a second. It’s not like you don’t want to keep him company, moreso that if you were to try and get up, you’re pretty sure your legs would turn to jelly. You would barely walk, let alone run, given that it’s—you squint at the clock(oh my god, is that a seven?)— well. Very early.

Except.

“I’ll run with you.”

Jimin blinks. “What?”

“Yeah. Cuddle for thirty minutes and I’ll run with you.” He gives you a dubious look. “I’m serious! Set an alarm. Thirty minutes.”)

As he stops you from snoozing the alarm for a third time and practically puts your shoes on for you, you’d already accepted the fact that he’s well built. Jimin stretches, and jogs, and lifts, and it’s not like you can’t run, rather that you’d prefer to be doing, well, anything else.

Still, he works to match your pace, a gentle rhythm on the pavement as you make your way around the house, through the garden, past the greenhouse. Not through the forest like he usually does, since it’s dry around this time of the year, and the fungi would rather be left alone.

Well. A water break would be nice.

“We’re almost at our bench,” He’s saying, and you’re struggling to understand him past the need to lie down on the dirt and die. “We could rest up a bit and continue, yeah?”

“Good. Good plan.”

You practically collapse on the bench. You’ve sat here plenty of times, what with the way it sits neatly between the garden, the hydrangeas and the back of the house, but never have you felt so relieved to have leftover humidity and dried up dirt on your butt. You pat the bench in thanks. Good bench.

Your head lolls against his shoulder. “I don’t like you.”

“You offered to come! We made a fair transaction!” He laughs, his skin sun-kissed and sweaty and pretty. He leans his head over yours, “C’mon, it’s just a mile left, back the way we came.”

“A mile? Still?”

“It’ll be quick! We can walk the rest of the way.”

Your voice is muffled from how your cheek is pressed to his shoulder, “Doesn’t that defeat the purpose of going on a run?”

“If you can be a smartass that means you don’t have to sit anymore,” He feigns getting up long enough to draw a whine from you, and he’s laughing when he leans back. You move to glare up at him indignantly, and take the opportunity to stare. He’s so bright. The sun rose twice this morning.

You bump your forehead back against his shoulder, and he seems to take that as an opportunity to kiss the crown of your head, hands working their way over your arms and down to your hips. “Still don’t like you,” You grumble.

Another kiss. “What was it you said to me yesterday? Something like...'You’re weird and that’s why I like you?’” Jimin presses a trail of them up to your jaw, letting them linger.

“A lapse of judgement.” You say, but you’re melting into him anyway, and when he laughs, it rumbles through his chest and down your throat all the way to the tips of his hands where they now touch your bare skin, the very edge of where hip meets belly.

“Brat,” He smiles against your neck, half-whispered. His hand trails down further until it reaches your fingers, playing with your wedding ring. Something fond flutters in your chest. “Do you ever think about our wedding?”

“All the time,” You say, voice embarrassingly breathy, but you’re too scraped raw to come up with excuses for it. “Still dream about it sometimes, too.”

“Yeah?” He says, soft, but there’s a trepidation, there. Like he’s still trying to find the best way to words his thoughts. You love that about him, so you hold his hand back, letting both your rings tap together delightfully, giving him the space to think. After a while, he continues, “I still regret those first few months. How I treated you.” You open your mouth to reply, take a breath and everything, but he pinches the skin of your hand to stop you, “I know you say I shouldn’t, but I do.”

Because that’s the thing about Jimin: he gives too much of himself away, loves too openly, too eagerly. Never asks to be more comfortable, as long as the other person is. His heart stretches to make room until it bleeds, like a mother’s womb, and you’re worried about what will happen if it ever were to stretch too thin.

(You’d told him, once— you don’t have to please anyone, you know— and, please, put yourself first sometimes, Jimin smiled, a little sad, said: I don’t know how, anymore.)

“I never blamed you for it.” You’re so close you can feel each time he draws a breath. It’s soothing. “There was nothing to forgive.”

“You say that, but. But.” He makes a soft noise. “I didn’t make it any easier.”

I am very much in love. It’s not new, nor a belated sort of realization. It was a belated realization at one point, surely, but not now. Now, it’s as worn through a fact as any other you know, something else to tuck away for safe-keeping.

You are in love, and so is he, and so even if the beginning was rough and unfair, everything that happened in your life that led up to it has been worth it.

You hold him a little tighter. “Not everything can be easy.”

For a moment you both sit there, listening to the gentle breeze, the distant sounds of the waking world. There’s a far-off chirp, like that of a baby bird learning to sing, and overhead, the early morning dew is giving way to a foggy sky. Spring is on its way again. Each one is getting easier than the last.

After what feels like a long time, Jimin raises his head. You stare. Not everything can be easy, but this is. Loving Jimin is the easiest thing in the world.

“Do you want to get married again?”

For a moment, you feel the world’s axis start to tilt towards the sun.

“What?”

He smiles, something slow and tentative. “Wll you marry me?”

Inexplicably, you laugh. “Again?”

“Again.”

“Jimin.” You feel Jimin grow in happiness. You feel like you’re growing, too. “If this is because you feel bad—”

“No. I want this.” He draws circles over your fingers, tightens his hold. “I want this very much.”

Never has the world felt so vibrant, and so, so lived in.

“I think.” You breathe. “I want that, too.”

(“Can we celebrate both anniversaries?”

“Brat.” Jimin laughs, all curled up around you. Has he always been this warm? “I’ll make sure to schedule the wedding on the same date as before.”

“What the hell!”

He’s still laughing as he kisses you, both hands cupping your neck, and there’s no hesitance in how he loves you.

You think, for a moment, about how every question you had about loving Jimin has been answered: He smiles into his kisses. He rolls his head back when he laughs. And—

He tastes like the sun.)

[avinwrites]

A Run of Bad Luck || Tracy x reader

Synopsis: You're having a horrible day, thankfully, Tracy is there to cheer you up!

Pain woke you up in the morning as you fell out of bed onto the cold, hard floor, leaving a tender bruise on your shoulder. You left your room with your shoes untied, causing you to almost trip down the stairs, but you managed to grab the banister before you stumbled face first down however many stairs were left in front of you. Before going to breakfast, you checked on how many matches you had scheduled. Just one. At the table, you were lucky enough that no one talked to you. You weren’t sure you’d be able to form a coherent sentence. 

Now, you are decoding a cipher machine, and you feel the beginnings of an intense heartbeat deep within your chest. Despite the Lawyer informing the team that the hunter happened to be near him, here you were, your bad luck streak continuing, with The Disciple right on your tail. With only a short yowl as a warning, Ann’s cat latched onto your back. Not even a second later, she stunned and hit you. You attempt to throw down a nearby pallet. Ann hits you again, leaving you incapacitated before any ciphers have been completed. Now you’re embarrassed. You rubbed your shoulder which still hurt from falling out of bed, and awaited a rescue. 

You spot Vera out of the corner of your eye coming towards you, ready to rescue. 

“You really couldn’t have contained the hunter for at least one cipher?” She chided as she approached, readying her perfume. 

“I’m a little tired, sorry, Vera.” You couldn’t help the bitterness in your voice.

“We are all tired. That’s no excuse.”

Vera pulls on the ropes tight against you. Ann, with a strike that you can't tell if it's well-timed or lucky, hits Vera and instantly downs her. 

You manage to refrain from saying anything rude, though the temptation is almost overwhelming. Thankfully, Ann takes Vera elsewhere, so you no longer have to resist. The time you have left dwindles. With only a few seconds to spare, Freddy pulls you from your chair too harsh for your liking, but you are aware that they’re both upset with you. 

“Go decode.” He spits the words at you. You don’t say anything in response, running off and letting him rescue Vera. You run to a cipher. It can’t be decoded. You almost scream in frustration as you have to run even farther, tired and hurting, to actually get anything done. 

The cipher you run to is occupied. Just your luck.

“Sorry.” You start to run off again before you’re interrupted.

“Wait… come here.” Tracy’s soft voice stops you. You comply, allowing her to take care of you. “Hey, are you ok?” She questions once she notices your intense shaking.

Again, your emotions control your actions as you try as hard as you can to conceal your agitation.

“Look, I’m fine. Let's just decode.”

“Wait a minute.” She responds, her tone light. She takes your hands off of the cipher, rubbing them pleasantly with her thumbs “Tell me what’s wrong.”

You can’t meet her eyes. “I didn’t sleep well, and I made a simple mistake that everyone’s blaming me for, it's a little frustrating, sorry for taking it out on you.”

“You didn’t take it out on me. It’s ok,” She brings you into a hug before continuing, “Take a deep breath, we’ll get through this, it’s not your fault that they aren’t in the best moods anyways.”

Together, the two of you take a few deep breaths, then get back to decoding.

“And I don’t blame you for anything.” Tracy adds, moments before the cipher is completed. 

“Thank you, Tracy.” You hug her again, then run off to decode alone.

“One more thing!” She yells after you, you stop for a short moment. Holding up her hands, she bends her fingers into a heart shape. “I love you!”

Maybe your luck isn’t so bad!

If people don't tell me what to write, you will only get tooth-rotting fluff with my favorite characters >:3

[imaslutforremusandsirius]

Mutual longing

It’s 03:43 and I missed writing James, uf i love this one

Warning: 18+

---

Oh, James is a breathtaking sight. With his dark hair and twinkling eyes, his tall toned body and charming smile. His smooth voice and irresistible accent. He is the whole package.

Lost in thought you imagined him fucking you against the wall, his big hand over your mouth to contain your moans as he pounded you aggressively-

„Hey“ Lily chirped, leaning over the table to give you a friendly hug, „Sorry I‘m late, head girl shit.“

You hugged her back, acting as if you didn‘t just imagine getting absolutely railed by the fellow head boy.

„Don‘t worry ‘bout it. Haven‘t been long anyway.“

Lily rolled her eyes and gave you a teasing smile.

„Knowing you, you probably showed up fifteen minutes early to be polite. You can give me shit you know, I deserve it.“

You laughed lightly before you furrowed your brows dramatically and held up a finger much like Professor McGonagall when she lectured the marauders again.

„Lily Evans you little shit. Hopefully you will have a long dreadful nightmare for the shit you put me through!“

Lily smirked at you and nodded, impressed with your choice of words.

„That would be James trying to hug me again, so no thank you.“ She clapped her hands. „Right, lets start.“

You couldn‘t help but think of just how fucking hot it would be to be in James‘ strong arm. Breathless moans and impatient hands tugging down your skirt. His hands all over your body, slowly moving down towards your-

Fuck.

---

Sometime during your meetup Remus appeared and sat down with you. Then came Peter. With him Sirius and of course James.

„I swear Black if you don‘t shut the fuck up“ Lily said forcefully, very close to yelling, „I‘m gonna beat your stupid face with this book!“

Sirius’ wand fell from between his clenched jaw, he was trying to impersonate a growling dog, and he rolled his eyes.

„Calm down, Evans. Besides, Remus would totally not appreciate that, considering my face is number one in his list of“, he cleared his throat theatrically, „Reasons why Sirius Black is the most enchanting being I‘ve ever fucked.“

Remus, already used to Sirius‘ crude remarks, just continued to read his book, his index finger tracing shapes on Sirius‘ palm absentmindedly.

„I agree“ Remus mumbled, missing the way Sirius blushed and melted with his next words, „Sirius is enchanting.“

Sirius, content with the attention he got, leaned his head against his boyfriends shoulder and finally shut his mouth. Lily smiled gratefully at Remus, who send her a wink, the corner of his lips pulling up slightly to show that he had said it on purpose. Not that they needed to know just how accurate Sirius had been with the list.

You threw a glance at James and saw him engrossed with his potions textbook, lips moving silently as he read through the pages. Taking the time to admire him from up close, you watched how his brows would furrow and ease up whenever he worked out a problem, how he would bite his lip in concentration or scratch his nose and push up his glasses when they slipped down his nose.

Truly handsome. Sex on legs.

Fuck why can‘t he just touch you already.

For someone who flirts on the daily he sure was oblivious to girls who were actually interested in him. And not gay, unlike Lily, who literally had a pin on her bag with the lesbian flag on it.

Might get a pin with “Fuck me James“ printed on it. Maybe then he‘ll know, you thought bitterly.

You had already planned a whole color scheme for the pins when a foot nudged your shin under the table and forced you out of your head.

„Need help“ James whispered and slid his worksheet over to you, „Please?“

Oh hell yes. No need to beg, Potter.

„Sure“ You said, congratulating yourself for sounding confident, „Give me a min.“

Reading through the question your took a moment to think about the answer, scribbling it down yourself instead of telling him. You weren‘t sure how long you could gaze into his eyes and act like you didn‘t have wet dreams about him.

Satisfied you looked back up and noticed him already looking at you, or more specifically your mouth.

A devilish idea crossed your mind. Oh, yes.

Acting as if you were still thinking, you bit your lip softly, tracing your bottom lip with your tongue to leave it glistening pink. James swallowed, hand loosening his tie and he lowered his head with blushing cheeks.

„Here“ You smiled, gently sliding the paper back to him and shivered a little when your fingertips touched.

His fingers had to business being so close to the top of the sheet, considering he was sitting across from you and could have just grabbed the bottom part. Hope flared in your chest when you saw him just as taken aback by the touch and you basked in the radiant grin he shot you from under his mop of hair.

Your stomach swarmed with butterflies and you let out a small breath, thighs clenching.

Oh James.

„I should get going“ You said after a while, not in the mood to study anymore.

James‘ head whipped up and he got up as well, packing his bag in time with you. Your eyes widened in surprise, but you refrained from making your excitement too obvious.

„Yeah me too, I‘m tired. Goodnight.“ James rushed and gently pulled you along by the strap of your bag.

The others just grumbled in response, Sirius fast asleep and drooling while Remus waved his hand dismissively. Lily muttered a quick, „I‘ll join in a few minutes“, which actually translates to hours.

Since the others aren‘t here I could have some alone time with James.

Oh shit, there goes your brain. It was really creative when it came to imagening James‘ moans, considering you never heard them before. Or his dick. Fuck.

You silently made your way upstairs and sadly it was an awkward one. Frankly you blamed James for being so hot that you literally had no clue what to say, not knowing that he thought the exact same thing. Sure he is all for, „Everyone can wear what they bloody want“ and he had proven that point by wearing skirts multiple times, but fuck-

You in that skirt has to be criminal by some kind of law right? Has to be a sin in some kind of religion? And don‘t get him started on your lips-

James shook his head to get rid of the mental images and focused on his breathing. Praying that you wouldn’t see his boner.

Somehow you had made it to the empty common room and turned to each other at the same time to say goodnight. Both of you had not considered the distance between your faces, which proved to be extremely short with your noses bumping painfully.

„I‘m so-“

Your words died down when James kissed you hard, his big hands - oh those big, callous hands you‘ve been dreaming about for weeks finally touching your cheeks to pull you impossibly close.

Stunned by his sudden desire to kiss you, you pulled your head away to look into his face and what you saw made you smash your lips on his and his back against the wall.

His quiet, absolutely submissive noises shot straight into your blood and you press your hips against his to hear more of it. His arms were wrapped around your neck, hands buried in your hair as he opened your legs with his knee to press his thigh between your legs.

The rough fabric of his pants made you shudder and your hands slid down his upper body until you got to his cock. James head sank against the wall with a dirty moan as you put your hand in his pants to touch him. Shit, his skin was so soft and hot and he already has precum on the tip.

James lips met yours sloppily as he pushed you backwards onto the couch and sank down between you legs on the ground, moving your feet to rest on the cushion. He clearly didn‘t have any more patience in him and made quick work of pushing your panties aside to rub his fingers against your soaking entrance.

„Come on, James“ You moaned, bucking against him when he finally pushed two fingers inside.

„Mmm look at you“ James groaned out, leaving kisses along your inner thighs and let out wanton sound when your cunt clenched around him.

You didn‘t care about anything but his fingers fucking you at this point, whining when the cool metal of his ring pressed against your clit. You jerked at the hot sensation of his tongue curling around your clit, greedily sucking your pussy lips into his mouth.

„Oh James!“ You whimpered breathlessly, pulling his face so close that his nose was smushed against your lower belly, feeling the vibrations of every moan he let out shoot directly to your cunt.

Pulling him up by his hair you kissed him again, panting into his open mouth when he kept pistoning his fingers into your cunt.

„Please let me fuck you“ James begged needily, brows pinched in longing to feel you around his throbbing cock, „Please I can‘t wait anymore!“

Instead of answering, you pushed his pants down with your heels and trapped him between your legs. James hissed in relief when he felt some kind of friction on his cock and eased himself inside.

„Oh“ James let out a broken whimper, head thrown back in sheer bliss, „Feel so good.“

You couldn’t answer, way to enamored with the way he stretched you open so deliciously, watching his cock push into your body. Oh fuck, the sight was so dirty and crass and yet you couldn‘t take your eyes off him.

„James“ You gasped with difficulty, „James please ‘m‘gonna cum!“

James bend your legs so they were over his shoulders and pounded you harshly, face screwed up in ecstasy with the way you cried out his name. Your moans cut off only to be replaced by sobs when the tip of his cock hit your g-spot over and over again.

„Yes yes yes“ James chanted, pressing his forehead on yours to stare at your dazed expression, „tell me how you feel!“

Your shook your head quickly, signaling him that you couldn‘t possibly form a coherent sentence, but his persisted.

„Tell me how you feel!“ James hissed, thumb suddenly on your clit and you broke.

„Good good so fucking good“ You cried, latching on his body to encourage him to fuck you harder.

„Prove it“ James moaned brokenly, „Cum for me!“

His other hand wrapped around your delicate throat and squeezed firmly, making you tip over the edge and cry out your release. James‘ orgasm made him tremble so violently that he couldn‘t hold himself up anymore, collapsing on your chest with a deep throaty whimper as he filled your cunt with his hot cum.

„Fuck yes“ James ground out, hips still pushing in and out of you, like he couldn’t bear the thought of stopping. He raised his head to watch you, his pupils still dilated, pink lips quivering with aftershocks.

James looked absolutely wrecked and satisfied. He stared at you as if staring at a goddess, nuzzling close to hear your heartbeat.

„You okay?“ James asked quietly and tucked himself back in to help you clean up.

„Yeah, perfect.“ You grinned, letting him help you up and pull you towards his dorm.

He gave you a playful smile, but you saw the slight nervousness in his eyes.

„Stay?“

God, yes. Finally. Fuck those pins, who needs them.

„Yes.“

[emeren]

zoom call- eren jaeger

pairing: eren jaeger x fem!reader 

word count: 1.7k

content warnings: smut, 18+, very slight degradation, voyeurism if you squint (not really though)

notes: i wrote this a couple months back before that video went viral on tik tok, but it was the only completed draft i had, so here we go! very rushed but hope you enjoy :) (also my first time writing smut lol) 

SUMMARY: eren is a little shit when it comes to letting you focus on your zoom classes, especially when you make it obvious you’re trying to ignore him

you lazily rubbed your eyes in response to the bright computer screen. the eight thirty lecture time was starting to wear down on your motivation. you sat, half asleep in front of your laptop, gaze drearily focused on the professor’s face. 

school had become utterly disengaging; hours spent scrolling through your phone and blatantly ignoring your professors. you briefly wondered if class was really worth it at all anymore. 

as your professor began to delve into their lecture on calculus, you could hear your boyfriend in the other room as he began to stir awake. you felt pretty bad, in all honesty. for as long as you’d known eren, he’d made it obvious that he loved nothing more than to sleep in. no matter how quiet you tried to be, it seemed like you woke him up earlier than he wanted every single morning. 

you cringed as you heard the bedroom door creak open, followed by the sound of his muffled footsteps. 

double checking that your mic and camera were indeed off, you turned to see your boyfriend standing sleepily in the doorway. his hair was down and messy; body only adorning a pair of grey sweatpants that sat tantalizingly low on his hips. his teal eyes were squinted with a tired annoyance. 

“sorry, did i wake you up again?” you whispered, despite the fact that no one on the zoom call could hear you. eren’s face creased into a frown at the question. 

“yeah, but s’alright,” he responded, voice thick with slumber. you offered an apologetic smile before turning back to your lecture. eren quietly left the room as you resulted to writing down some half-hearted notes, your brain absently drifting towards your plans for the weekend. 

about ten minutes had passed when you felt a pair of arms wrap themselves around your shoulders, eren’s lips meeting your cheek in a morning greeting. 

his minty breath fanned across your face; you could see that he’d pulled his hair back into a messy knot from his reflection on the computer screen. though his warm gesture made your stomach erupt in butterflies, you were determined to pay attention to the class in front of you. eren took notice. 

“trying to stay focused, hm?” he mumbled as his mouth began to trail down to your neck, peppering the skin with light kisses. you groaned in slight annoyance, attempting to push him away.

“i need to take notes, eren,” you reprimanded. eren didn’t seem so easily swayed, however. 

his mouth found its way back to your neck, beginning to gently suck on the soft skin. you felt your face warm up at the sensation, an all too familiar ache between your legs. curse your boyfriend for being so goddamn horny all the time. 

“go ahead, m’not stopping you,” eren whispered hotly against the skin. you bit your lip as you tried to remain focused on whatever your teacher was talking about, but the words were going in one ear and out the other.

his warm lips began to shift down towards your collarbone and the place where your shirt interrupted the flow of bare, kissable flesh. 

eren’s large hand ran smoothly over the expanse of your right arm before coming up to cup your breast and giving it a generous squeeze. his nimble fingers pinched at your nipple through the fabric of your shirt, causing you to emit a low moan. your eyes snapped to his face in embarrassment over the noise.

eren had a smug look on his face, like he had just won some unspoken argument, the little shit. you glared up at him as he stood to his full height, teal eyes glancing to the computer screen as he momentarily considered something. 

“your camera is off, right?” he asked huskily. you swallowed before nodding. his question could only confirm what you already suspected he was going to do. 

placing either hand on the arm rests of the chair, eren leaned leaned over your body and glowered down at you. “good. can’t have anyone else seeing you the way i do, can we?” 

eren’s possessiveness sent a warm feeling down your spine. the thought of being his and his alone was enough to have you on your knees. you burned with anticipation as he feverishly brought his mouth down to meet yours. 

the kiss was heated and wet, his tongue lapping at your lips as it slipped into your mouth. you sighed contentedly at the sensation. acting on a sudden impulse, you wrapped your lips delicately around his tongue and began to suck gently on the exposed muscle, eliciting a loud groan from eren’s throat. as you pulled away, you saw his dilated pupils snap to the string of saliva connecting your lips. 

“take your shirt off,” you did as you were told, pulling the fabric from your body. eren’s eyes quickly scanned the expanse of your chest; his hungry stare causing the spot between your legs to throb. he dropped to his knees before you, making sure to maintain eye contact as he slowly brought his head to your chest, mouth desperately latching onto your breast. 

his tongue swirled around your hardened nipple, a small whimper clawing its way up your throat. you leaned your head back as you felt eren’s lips curl into a smirk at the sound. his teeth carefully grazed the nub before he pulled back; face slightly flushed and still so very smug.  

his large hands slowly lifted to the hemline of your sweatpants, cold fingertips grazing your hipbone. he looked up to you as he hooked his fingers under the waistline whilst jutting his chin upwards. “up, baby.” 

you lifted yourself briefly from the chair as he pulled your sweatpants down, allowing them to pool around your ankles. as you went to sit back down, you caught your reflection in the computer screen, wincing. it felt unbelievable that you were completely exposed while your zoom class continued in the background. you felt a wave of embarrassment wash over your body and had half a mind to tell eren to stop. 

the moment of doubt passed breathlessly as eren’s awfully cold and awfully long middle and ring fingers pushed past your underwear and teased at your entrance. your lack of attention must’ve been apparent; eren’s free hand coming up to roughly grip your chin, forcing you to look down at him. 

“pay attention, pretty girl,” he growled, teal eyes glinting seriously. his fingers teasingly swiped up to your clit, collecting your slick as they travelled upwards. you sucked in a breath as he brought the digits back down, circling around your cunt before slowly pumping inside. 

you meekly nodded your head, unable to form a coherent sentence as he curled his fingers upwards, hitting the warm spongey spot that made your toes curl. your body began to heat up, watching eren’s beautiful face as he fucked you with his fingers. his chin was turned slightly upward, lips parted. his digits slid in and out of you, picking up speed as a soft moan left your lips. 

“such a wet little bitch,” eren hissed as he shifted to gain more leverage. the pressure in your core began to build, only amplified by the addition of his thumb on your sensitive clit. “fuck, you’re so hot like this. should we show the class your pretty little cunt, hm?”

you closed your eyes as the warmth started to spread from between your legs into your stomach, release on its way. his fingers began to slow, a whine bubbling up from your throat.

“eren..” you whimpered, watching a scowl form on his face. his fingers pulled out completely from inside of you, the lack of contact making you ache in need. 

still gripping your jaw, he forced you to watch as he placed his long fingers between his lips, slowly sucking the remnants of you from himself. you bit your lip to repress a moan at the slight of his tongue gliding over his knuckles. he was hot and he knew it. 

he leaned forward, pulling your face down as he stood. his grip on your jaw tightened, forcing your mouth to pop open. he spat directly in your mouth, the warm liquid pooling on your tongue as he stared down at you.

“swallow,” he demanded, waiting as you let the bitter yet saccharine liquid slide down your throat. pleased, he released his grip on your jaw, a slight stinging where his fingers had rested. “good girl.”

his hands came up to the hemline of his sweatpants, gingerly yanking them down along with his boxers. you felt heat rush to your face as his cock came up to slap against his stomach. 

“can you stand up for me, pretty?” you nodded, eyes wide as his hand came down to lazily pump his dick. standing, you stepped out of your sweatpants and pulled your panties down, kicking them both to the side. 

eren’s eyes glanced to your laptop once more, pushing it as far back on the wooden desk as it would go. before you had the chance to question his motives, he roughly gripped your hips and spun you around, pressing you down onto the table. the cool surface made you shiver. 

his hand grabbed a fistful of your hair, forcing your neck to crane uncomfortably backwards. you could feel him positioning the tip of his cock at your entrance, the throbbing desire in you preparing itself to be stretched. he hesitated, staring at you darkly.

“beg for it,” eren’s voice was laced with a deep desire, eyes clouded with lust. you looked back at him through your lashes, lips slightly parted as his chest heaved. he could tell you were trying to rile him up. he yanked your hair slightly in retaliation. “beg for my cock to fuck you, baby.” 

“please,” you mewled, the aching in your cunt all to aware of him at your entrance, teasing you. eren raised an eyebrow, clearly unimpressed. you swallowed deeply, the sound amplified by the strain of your craned neck. “please fuck me. fuck me so hard, eren.” 

a smirk danced across his features before he slowly stuffed himself inside of you, stretching and embedding within you. you hissed out in discomfort, never really getting accustomed to the sheer size of him. the slight pain started to dissipate as leaned forward while pulling your head back further by your hair. his hot breath fanned across the shell of your ear. 

“if you’re loud enough, i’ll let you cum,” with that, he dropped your hair and began to roughly buck his hips forward, the full feeling making your stomach burn. you moaned loudly as he slammed into you, picking up pace and stretching you nice and good.

his grunts were low and primal, melding with the sound of his hips smacking into your ass, hands burning prints into the skin on your waist. you felt yourself clench around his dick as he thrusted particularly deep, hitting that sweet spot that made tears prick your eyes. 

“you’re so pretty for me,” he grunted breathlessly. his pounding began to speed up, the sensation beginning to curdle in your cervix as you let out a string of curse words. eren fisted your hair again, the follicles stinging angrily as he brought his other hand forward to stuff his first two fingers in your mouth. 

the skin was warm and salty as you desperately sucked on his knuckles, frantic for the release you were craving as he abused your cunt. he pressed his fingers down on your tongue, allowing your mouth to fill with hot saliva. he groaned loudly at the sensation, his hips beginning to buck more senselessly. 

“pretty, pretty girl,” he moaned out, fingers pulling from your lips and bringing the saliva down your chin. you could feel your release fast approaching, aided by eren’s deep, purposeful thrusts that had you seeing stars. 

with one final plunge of his cock deep within your cunt, the release of dopamine crashed over your body, eren twitching as you unraveled around him. with a couple more sloppy thrusts, he was filling you up all nice with his cum, throaty groans ripping from his chest. 

the two of you sat in a breathy silence, cooling down from your highs together. eren pulled out, smiling lightly at the sight of his seed dripping from between your legs. he leaned forward, placing a kiss on your forehead. 

“better catch up on your notes, babe.” 

<3 <3 <3

[little-spoiled-brat]

may i request 3 and 10 w/ levi from your sfw prompts? also congrats on your milestone!!

WRITING PROMPT # 8:

"shh, you're safe"

"close your eyes, listen to my heartbeat"

pairing: levi x reader

cw/tw: mentions of sexual assault, angst but fluff in the end

- safe in his arms -

it was supposed to be a quick undercover mission, find the person, get the intel needed from them, rendezvous with levi and get back to headquarters.

this wasn’t part of it. you were not supposed to get cornered into an alley with the unwanted roaming hands of men around your body.

you could’ve — should’ve taken them down but fear overtook your senses and you froze on the spot. you tried to reach for the knife you had hidden but you couldn‘t — you were helpless.

your eyes were closed tightly, tears heavily streaming down your face as you were pushed up against the wall. a hand on your mouth to muffle any calls for help — for levi. your body trembled as the men took turns running their filthy hands on you, touching you in places with no permission.

”come on, sweetheart. we can have fun for a few hours” the man whispered in your ear as more tears fell down your cheeks when he attached his lips onto your neck.

”you’re a beautiful one, aren’t ya? look at this body" the other one said as he trailed his hands down your chest to your inner thighs. you whimpered when his hand came in contact with that area and you thrashed around to get him off but to no avail.

you almost accepted defeat, unable to do anything but close your eyes and cry while they had their way with you.

all of a sudden, the men were ripped away from you and you fell to the floor. you curled yourself up, unable to look at whoever saved you. the sound of grunting can be heard a few feet away from you as two bodies fell not long after.

“y/n?”

you slowly looked up, registering the voice of your lover in your head. levi extended his hand, giving you the option to reject as you looked down at it with tears in your eyes.

”levi“ you breathed out, crashing yourself in his arms. he cradled you ever so gently, softly shushing your sobs by running his hand through your hair.

”shh, you’re safe. you’re safe, y/n” levi assured as you fisted his shirt in your hands, afraid to let him go. after a few minutes, levi pulled away slightly so he could look at you.

”we need to get back to headquarters, are you comfortable with me carrying you-“ levi started but you gently cut him off by nodding your head. your knees felt weak and to be honest, you didn’t want to lose the feeling of levi’s arms around you even for just a second.

“okay then, tell me if you get uncomfortable and i’ll put you down” levi said, kissing your forehead and gently scooping you up in his arms. you buried your face into his chest, letting yourself be calmed by his familiar smell of black tea — his familiar smell of home.

levi left the alley you were in and started walking back to headquarters. thankfully, it was night time and you were still in trost so the journey back wasn’t long and didn’t create much unwanted attention from civilians.

the both of you arrived in headquarters a few minutes later, you offered to walk yourself just in case anyone else was up at this hour of the night but levi gently refused. he said that he didn’t care of anyone saw him carrying you, he was not letting you out of his arms.

you nodded in reply, letting him bring you inside the building of the headquarters. erwin and hange’s voices greeted the both of you the second levi stepped foot inside.

“not now“ levi growled, a threatening tone to his voice as he glared at both erwin and hange — erwin more than hange since he was the one who sent you to this undercover mission.

you needed to give your mission report to erwin but you were too shaken up to even form coherent sentences, let alone tell him every information you got from the mission.

levi brought you to his office, locking the door behind him as he sat down on the couch and set you down on top of him. you wrapped your arms around him tightly and he continued to run his hand through your hair soothingly.

”are you hurt?“ levi asked as you slightly looked up at him and shook your head. “j-just a bit s-shaken, that’s a-all“

levi released a sigh, wrapping his arms around you tighter and pressing kisses on the top of your head. you were tired but you took every remaining energy you have to not let your eyes close.

you knew that if you do end up falling asleep that you will be forced to relive what happened in the alley in your dream and you didn’t want that.

levi noticed the exhausted look in your eyes and your refusal to let them close. he gently cupped your cheek and made you look up at him.

“i know you’re tired. close your eyes, listen to my heartbeat. i’m not gonna let anything happen to you“ levi said, you stared at him for a second and realized that he just gave you a distraction — a lifeline if you will.

you nodded tiredly, pressing you ear against his chest and hearing the soft thumps of his heart underneath. you let your eyes fall close, the slow and steady beats from his chest bringing you solace.

”thank you, i love you“ you mumbled just before you let darkness take you into a peaceful sleep. your body relaxing, letting yourself be vulnerable once again because you knew that you will always be safe in levi’s arms.

[mggpleasedontlookhere]

call out my name

summary: y/n overhears jj confessing to spencer that she’s always loved him (do i even need to explain further how this made my heart drop into my ass)

word count: 3,118                                                                                     reading time aprox: 12 mins

masterlist

The blood ran cold in my veins, making my arms shiver. My face paled an ugly rouge as the words left JJ’s supple lips; each phrase that strung out from her confession wrenched a small piece of my heart each time. It felt like a laceration to my throat, like my oxygen supply had been severed and I was unable to catch my breath.

I love you.

I have always loved you.

My lifeless eyes never tore away from the monitor that laid in front of me. In crystal clear pixels, there lay Spencer and JJ tied up in a convenience store with the unsub and two hostages. My body was visibly tense and my lips parted in bewilderment; the physiological and mental tether that dictated my reactions delayed.

I hadn’t even noticed Penelope gaping at me with doleful eyes, turning off her intercom so the rest of the team was unable to listen in. Although the same idea must have run through their heads as they swapped disconcerted looks at each other.

“Oh - my sweet Y/N - I don’t, do you want - oh -” Penelope stuttered empathetically, pushing herself off of her chair to gather an array of toys to comfort me. “I can - oh you can borrow my purple giraffe, that always makes me hap-” She continued, pushing the plushies into my chest.

“No, no I’m - Garcia I’m okay - thank you...tho” I reassured, gently guiding her back to her seat, despite her pitiful protests. Before she had the chance to argue against my reassurance, her attention was captured by Tara’s voice on the intercom.

“Hey Garcia can you check the satellite feed and see if there’s a side door to the building?” Tara requested. Although her tone was apprehensive and tame like she was tiptoeing around the question.

“Affirmative” Garcia replied enthusiastically, reaching a gentle hand over to where my hands laid on her shoulders. She ran her delicate fingers over my knuckles in a way to say a silent ‘it’s going to be okay’, leaning her head back against my stomach with a tenderness in her gestures.

“And - uh - Y/N? Are you okay?” Tara tentatively asked, in which Garcia proceeded to look into my somber eyes with an expectant gaze. As I saw her through my peripherals, I knew that she could sense my true feelings about the situation. Her eyebrows softened and her red painted lips dropped into a pout. She tilted her head cutely in an attempt to grasp my attention, but I knew the second I locked eyes with her, my facade would eventually dissipate. With the persistence to direct my eyes away from her incessant gaze, she knew.

Before I had the opportunity to reply to Tara, Penelope had beat me to it. “Y/N! She uh - she’s in the bathroom...right now” She explained, mustering up the calmness in her voice to sound convincing. Fortunately enough, the case had been the focal point of the unit for the past week that Tara hadn’t noticed the panicked wince that left Penelope’s lips.

“Garcia just-” Tara sighed, making Penelope’s chest tense up and soften simultaneously. “Just make sure she’s doing fine. Did she hear what JJ said?” She spoke with a sense of concern laced in her sentences, hoping that I was unbeknownst to JJ’s profession.

“Uh-” Garcia paused, looking to me for an answer with wide eyes. I shook my head in denial, not wanting the team to know of my knowledge. As much as I valued our team being a family, I knew I would receive burdened looks and multiple ‘nonchalant check-ups’ from Rossi. I didn’t want the word ‘victim’ painted on my forehead. “-No, she left the room before JJ said anything” Garcia affirmed, nodding her head yes, regardless of her unable to be seen.

“That’s good. Listen I’ll call you back when we get on the jet and keep an eye on Y/-”

“Oh! Y/N’s coming back - see you guys later” Penelope rushed, ending the call instantly before Tara could get out another word.

She swiveled in her chair, facing me once again. She took my hands in hers, standing up to pull me into her tight embrace. I relaxed in her touch, letting all the feelings melt away with every soothing word that permeated the room. Pulling away, she took surveillance of my state and furrowed her eyebrows in worry.

But it wasn’t my poignancy that sparked her perplexity, it was the lack thereof.

My cheeks should’ve been stained by an onset of tears, but it wasn’t. My eyes should’ve masked a similar pearl glaze that coated the film on Penelope’s eyes, but it didn’t. I should’ve been disheveled and overrun by overbearing anguish, but I wasn’t.

-

The numbers on the elevator rose expediently, indicating the arrival of the team. My hands shook in disquiet and suspense, my focus glued to my shoes as I felt my entire body get antsy. Penelope stood in front of me whispering a mellow encouragement, suggesting alleviating mantras that usually worked to calm her down.

Without another word said, the doors to the elevator dinged and revealed exhausted, yet relieved, adults. Although in the midst of it all, there was a heavy air of reluctance that surrounded the reunion, despite the gleeful interactions that were expressed through Penelope’s endearments.

I reveled in the sight of it all, feeling my heart swell at the inspiriting display of affection made by the team; a feeling that is often uncommon with our careers. I stood with my shoulders slumped, hands folded in my pockets, and at a distance from their reconciliation. It was only until I met the eyes of Spencer that my entire body flinched; and it was when I hadn’t met JJ’s gaze as she stared at the floor, when my heart fell flaccid at the bottom of my stomach.  

I approached Spencer with a fictitious content expression, not wanting to confront the issue at bay. I noticed his facial features contort from uneasiness to relief as he reciprocated the reassuring smile I wore for him. He took this as his cue to take hurried strides towards me to encase me with his arms in a bone crushing hug. For a split second I wanted to believe the fervor that swelled inside me while I surrendered in his embrace, but the wandering eyes of JJ had convinced me otherwise.

Spencer cupped both of my cheeks in his course hands, enthusiastically pulling me in for a long awaited kiss. But by instinct I yanked my face away from his hands forcefully, catching him and myself by surprise.

“I - um, sorry. I was having sushi with Garcia earlier and I don’t think you want to smell tuna breath” I joked, wiping Spencer’s touch off of my hands.

“Don’t be silly Y/N I haven’t seen you i-” Spencer persisted, reaching out to handle my wrists.

“Wait Spence - Spencer - um Spencer, I forgot to mention that Diana called earlier to check on you” I interjected, a guilty gut feeling resurfacing as I used his mother as a cheap excuse to divert the conversation. “Oh well, I was actually planning to visit her soon and I was going to ask you if you want to come wi-”

“I- I don’t know Spencer” I laughed, keeping up the phony disguise that I hoped was effective enough to bypass the room of profilers. “I just have a lot of paperwork” I justified, feeling myself shrink under his incessant scrutiny. His lips curled into a small pout and his eyes dulled for a moment. I stiffened in response, paranoid that he had discovered a chink in my armor. “Next time?” I offered, compensating for the lack of ardor in my decisions.

Despite my attempts at assuring him, his expression was still left to alter. By now the formalities between the team had ended, resorting to directing their attention to me and Spencer. Backing away from where Spencer stood, I met the wondering gazes of my peers. I gave a cordial nod to all of them, ignoring the obvious trepidation that was evident in their body language.

Receiving a final look from Penelope, I walked back to my desk, letting them plan their festivities without me.

-

A few weeks flew by since the incident. Despite the passage of time, the latter of the situation still sat heavy in my thoughts, consuming every waking moment I had.

The bags under my eyes became more prominent, the youthful glow on my cheeks had dimmed, and my voice diminished to a low mutter. The input I had contributed to cases followed the change in my demeanor, exponentially depreciating as the numbness increased.

Whenever I sat on my chair, my eyes would linger between Spencer’s desk that sat across JJ’s. At times the sight would invoke a bubbling envy that felt too visceral for me to experience, so I would set my emotions to the side; averting my effort into my paperwork.

Eventually as the cases became more gruesome and my mental paralysis ensued, I gradually reverted to writing up the paperwork instead of participating in active cases. Unfortunately the unanticipated change in my behavior hadn’t gone unnoticed.

Emily called me into her office with a sense of urgency, and we’re both now here sitting across at a distance while she stared at me with a motherly look. Concentration was etched in her facial features, folding her hands together as she tried to dissect the impenetrable expression I wore.

“Emily please don’t profile me” I sighed, a tired grimace playing on my lips. Her shoulders slumped in defeat, leaning back into her chair as she continued to observe me. “I’m just worried Y/N - WE are all worried” She lamented, reaching over to grasp my hand. “You haven’t been yourself in a while Y/N. Did - is something, did something happen? Did you...find anything that made you upset?” She pursued, tiptoeing around the idea of JJ’s confession.

“NO! I, um - I haven’t - I just” I struggled to form coherent sentences, feeling panic flood through my system. “Look Emily, I appreciate the concern, but I’m just not feeling okay and I really don’t want to talk about it” I admitted. “I- I know it’s a lot, but w- would it be okay if I take a couple of personal days - I just can’t seem to figure myself out” I muttered, letting a fragment of my feelings slip into my profession.

“Take as many days as you’d like - and give me a call when things are...handled - just know that if you need anything - and I mean anything - you ca-”

“Thank you Emily” I nodded, cutting her off abruptly. I stood up from my seat with my head hanging low, giving her a tight lipped smile as I made my way to exit her office.

“Y/N!” She called out, stopping me in my tracks. I titled my head to the side, glancing at her. “Take care of yourself...please?” She desperately pleaded, her words laced with genuine concern.

For the first time, my heart ached at her words. The bitter feeling trickling into reality as the sorrowful eyes she beamed at me penetrated through my skin. It was then that I realized that the armor I wore to shield me from Spencer was really to shelter me from myself.

-

Spencer’s POV

My back slumped into the office chair while I played with the Doctor Who knick-knacks that Garcia had gifted to me at a Christmas party. My eyes were focused on the toy, but my mind had astral projected to another place: a place that wasn’t pleasant. The thoughts that were weighing heavy on shoulders had taken its toll on my arms, legs, and body like I was slowly being pulled away from reality into a dimension of isolation.

Although the only feeling I was allowed to experience was this nagging sensation in the back of my head, a thought that permeated my headspace, but wasn’t allowed to be identified or understood. I thought it was the aftermath of JJ’s confession, but that was handled during Rossi’s wedding.

For the first time in a long time, I didn’t know.

I didn’t know what had been circling in my head and I didn’t know how to control it. All I knew is that Y/N had taken a few sick days and that Emily had informed me that she hadn’t heard of JJ’s confession. But those days turned into weeks until a month had passed.

In the beginning of her leave, I’d call her everyday and occasionally visit her apartment whenever we were on a case, she would even call in to check on everybody. But like how the seasons change and the leaves start to decay, her efforts soon became stagnant. Soon after, my calls would be left unanswered, my visits to her apartment ceased due to no one responding, and she would only answer to Garcia.

I missed the way she would waltz into the office with the brightest grin she can offer and every time I’d look into her eyes, it felt like I had a glimpse into what heaven is. I missed the way she would curl up into my arms and breath in my scent, while we shared a book. I missed the way she’d bring the most wonderful orchestra to the moments where I felt my world become overrun by deafening silence. She had done nothing but bring love and devotion into everything she does.

So what dimmed the spark that usually burned interminably in her?

I set the trinket down to the side, taking a needed breath as my eyes were caught by a small picture frame that was delicately placed at the corner of my desk. An elated smile replaced the tired grimace I had been sporting all week, a newfound warmth filling my chest up with a familiar radiance.

It was a picture of Y/N when me and her had visited Central Park to ice skate. In the image she was in mid air, her eyes were shimmering against the snow that fell around us and she was laughing, a melody that I can still hear just by looking at a reminiscence of her. She was and still is the epitome of beauty.

I was taken out of my thoughts when a frantic Penelope zoomed through the bullpen with an unnerved look. She was caught in the arms of Emily, stopping her in her tracks and encouraging her to breathe. Tears pricked the corners of her eyes and her hair was disheveled.

“I - I, oh my god - I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry - I w- wasn’t, it’s my fault - I wasn’t honest” She sputtered out, her hands shaking beside her as she tried to form proper sentences.

By this time the team had surrounded her as they witnessed her frenzy. I watched from afar as JJ and Tara came to Penelope’s side, consoling her. Luke and Matt joined me, watching the event unfold from a distance like I did.

“Is- is she okay? Did something happen?” Luke inquired, his words laced with panic and worry. I shook my head looking to Matt if he had any intel, but he also denied it. “Okay, I’m gonna go and see what’s-” Luke began, before getting cut off by Emily announcing an emergency meeting.

We all gathered around the round table, anticipation engulfing the air and each one of our faces. Penelope sported a perturbed expression while Emily stood behind her with a similar troubled look.

I folded my hands on the table while my legs had gotten antsy from the silence as everyone filed into the room. Finally when everyone was seated, Luke was the first one to break the quietude. “Is everything okay Penelope?” He asked.

It didn’t take a profiler to notice how Emily’s behavior shifted when Alvez spoke. Her shoulders had flinched, her breath had shortened, and her hands had risen up to Penelope’s shoulder in an attempt to encourage her to elaborate. These were the indications that usually meant an onslaught of bad occurrences, but I only had understood Penelope’s concern when Y/N’s name had surpassed her lips.

“What - What do you - What do you mean Y/N?” I blurted out, feeling my heart drop into my stomach. My hands traveled to the pockets of my blazer, feeling sweat begin to accumulate in my palms. My breath hitched at the mention of her, hoping and praying that she was alright.

All the attention had been directed to me, but at the moment I would have cared less if Newton or Pascal was staring at me. It was as if my heart and my mind were tethered together to create a perfect storm that could obliterate me. I searched Penelope’s eyes for direct answers, but she refused to meet my gaze.

“Garcia!” I instinctively called out, making her flinch in terror, which I ultimately regretted as she was already in such a distressed state. “I- I’m sorry. Penelope...what’s happening with Y/N?” I whispered, softening the tone of my voice, cautious of letting my voice crack knowing that the team would dissect my reaction.

She sighed, looking to Emily for help in which Emily nodded at her to continue. “She knows” Penelope admitted, lifting her eyes to finally meet mine. “Sh- she heard what JJ said, and now she’s n- not even talking to me” She sighed, her breath hitching between every phrase she enunciated.

I felt my body freeze, but I didn’t know if it was either in fear, anger, or disappointment in myself. My emotions had become a cluster of hell that would continue to haunt me until I figured things out; until I could fix things with Y/N.

I sensed the apologetic glances I received from JJ, but despite my acknowledgement of her intentions, the festering indignation I was feeling against her had jaded any compassion I had.

“Spence-” JJ apprehensively spoke with a motherly tone.

“Don’t! I-”

My eyes were glued to the table, blocking out any attempt that the team made to pursue a conversation with me. My hands fidgeted as I racked my brain for a concise solution, although the process wasn’t as easy as I’d like since my conscious had been enveloping itself with self reproach. But in the end, I knew where I wanted to be - where I was meant to be.

Without a second thought, I promptly stood up from the chair and fled the bullpen with no attention to how JJ was calling out my name.

part 2

-

taglist: @rexorangecouny @howdycharlie

part 2 coming out tmrw or the day after that

see you soon <3

[lovely-ateez]

Broken Strings~

ꕥPosted: 7/20/21

ꕥGenre: Fluff, Angst, Smut, College!au, Rockstar!au

ꕥPairing: Fem!Reader x Rockstar!Yunho

ꕥWord Count: 10k+

ꕥWarnings (please read all!!): Yunho’s ex is an absolute asshat, death threats towards both Yunho and reader, mention of knives used as weapons, San is a bisexual king (happy late pride month), unprotected pool sex/public sex (no one is around but I guess it still counts), masturbation (f), foul language, mentions of alcohol intake, reader is mentioned to have dark brown eyes several times which you can just ignore if you have different colored eyes ofc, mentions of a restraining order against an ex, please let me know if I missed something!!

ꕥTag List: @cappujinho @bobateastay @nevieatiny 

ꕥA/N: The song lyrics are ones that I wrote myself specifically for this au and I’d be lying if I said that I wasn’t nervous about posting it. I know there isn’t any tune or anything, but hopefully it sounds like a real song someone might sing. Also I’m not writing angst for a while after this holy shit I’ve been crying too much over this I’m emotional okay

“Date night! Date night! Date night!” I grabbed my boyfriend’s arm, bouncing on my toes.

Yunho raised a hand to cover his ear, scrunching his face, “Babe, I love you, but I think you’ve deafened me.”

I pouted at his tone and crossed my arms, “You’re such a grump.”

“Oh whatever.” He smiled, “You ready?”

I smiled at him and nodded.

Ever since his band, Sidekick Heart, began to pick up traction, he had less free time and our full-day dates once a week soon became date nights every few weeks. Most of his time was spent writing songs, producing them, and practicing endlessly. The fact that he had a tour coming up soon just meant he had even less spare time. I was happy for him, of course, but I couldn’t hide my disappointment that he was leaving.

In middle school, he and three of his friends formed a band for fun, which they kept with all throughout high school. They got good, really good and almost right after they graduated they were signed by a label. Now, three years later, they’d already released two albums and one EP and earned enough money to make a living, which was why Yunho dropped out of college a month ago. Since he had steady career path, he saw no reason to continue and decided to focus on music. He still visited me at college whenever he got the chance, but his visits were becoming more and more sporadic.

We started dating freshman year of college. We had our difficulties as most couples do, but everyday I thanked the stars for pairing us together. I met him on the first day of French class, a day I know I could never forget, no matter how how our future played out.

I sat my backpack on the table in front of me, looking around the empty classroom. I was ten minutes early, so I wasn’t surprised about the lack of students. It was a bit unlikely for me to be so early, but I wasn’t able to sleep the night before and so I had extra time to get ready. With nothing else to do, I took out my phone, reading some missed text messages.

I heard the door open and my head tilted upwards, meeting eyes with a fluffy-haired brunet. He shyly smiled at me and I returned the gesture. The man took a seat in the front row across from me, only a few chairs in between us. I found it cute that he liked to sit in the front of the classroom, too. Very few people did. He turned away from me to place his backpack on the floor and take out a few books. I took the opportunity to look at him. He was attractive, for sure. His short sleeved solid black shirt followed his movements, tattoos peaking through his top. The shirt itself tucked was into ripped jeans, his black shoes matching the outfit, along with various accoutrements. His look was uncommon for college students, most just wore sweatpants with with a casual shirt. I thanked myself for dressing nice that day.

I tilted my head to get a better look at his side profile. He was so handsome that I seemed to forget I was staring. I couldn’t help but get caught up in him, not realizing that I was no longer being subtle.

He spoke without moving to face me, “You’re pretty cute, too.”

“I-I what?” My eyes widened, realizing I’d been caught.

He turned, a charming smile on his face, “You aren’t exactly discreet.”

I took a breath, trying to form a coherent sentence, “Well...can you blame me?”

He pursed his lips, trying to hide a smile, “I appreciate the compliment. What’s your name?”

I hesitated before answering him, which brought a full smile to his face. He moved closer to me before holding out his hand for me to shake. I grabbed his hand and shook it, trying to keep my hands steady. His hand was soft, clearly he took care of himself.

“I’m Yunho.”

I smiled, observing the way he lit up as he turned my hand, placing a delicate kiss on my skin. I felt my face heat up and averted my eyes. Yunho chuckled as he released my hand. Both of us looked up at the sound of the door opening, a group of students entered, followed by a lady who I presumed to be the teacher.

Yunho looked at me, “Meet me after class?”

I nodded, biting my lip as I felt excitement build in my stomach, wanting nothing more than for class to end as soon as possible.

The instant the teacher ended her lecture she left with the rest of the students, who were talking among themselves. My eyes flickered to Yunho to find him looking back at me, his backpack now thrown over his shoulders.

“You have any classes after this?” He asked in a nonchalant manner. Later he confessed to me that he was far more nervous than he appeared, claiming that he fell in love with me at first sight.

I finished placing my notebook in my bag, zipping it up and putting the straps over my arms, “Yeah, unfortunately. I’ve got World Politics in ten minutes.” 

“Aww damn. I was hoping we could grab some food.” He reached into his pants’ pocket, pulling out his phone, “Maybe I could get your number instead and we could meet up later?” He wasn’t pushy or demanding, simply asking.

I nodded quickly, “I’d like that, Yunho.”

He suddenly became more shy, the tips of his ears dusting a beautiful shade of pink, “I like the way you say my name.”

I giggled, trying to hide my own shyness. I took his phone and entered my number, really hoping that he would text me. As if he read my mind, he confirmed what I was thinking.

“I’ll text you,” He looked at me with sparkling eyes before shaking his head, like he was pulled back to reality, “Oh uh...you should probably get to class.“ He raised a hand, somewhat awkwardly scratching the back of his head.

“Yeah I probably should. I’ll see you around?”

He smiled, “I’ll see ya.”

-

It wasn’t long before he texted me, and it made my heart flutter that he kept his word. A day later we met up, grabbing ice cream and getting to know each other. He was a dance major and had to practically beg his parents to let him pursue dance. In return they said he had to repay them with getting straight A’s. He had one younger brother who was possibly the biggest baseball fan to ever exist, he roomed with three men he’d been friends with since kindergarten, and he absolutely adored my brown eyes.

“They’re just beautiful.” Yunho gushed, “Both times I’ve seen you they just sparkle and shine like they’ve got their own little galaxies in them. I’ve never seen anyone with such genuine, kind eyes.”

I let out a girly laugh at the compliment and covered my mouth with a hand, “You’re really trying to flatter me, aren’t you?”

“Depends. Is it working?” He laughed as he propped his head on one of his hands, leaning closer to me in the booth we were sitting in. We’d finished our ice cream long ago, now shamelessly flirting and getting lost in each other.

“It might be.”

“Well I do mean it. I’m not only trying to flatter you.”

The ringing of his phone caught our attention. He smiled apologetically and reached for the device. He sighed, reading the contact name and looking back up at me.

“I’m sorry I’ve gotta take this. It’s one of my roommates and it’s entirely possible they’ve set the house on fire.”

I laughed, “It’s okay, go ahead.”

Yunho excused himself as he answered the call, walking outside. I took a look around the shop we were in, smiling at all the decorations when I noticed a woman sitting alone, eating ice cream and staring at me. Her eyes were such an ice blue that they made her intimidating, to say the least. I wasn’t too surprised, I’d dressed nice and all throughout the day I’d been getting looks. Taking it as a compliment I smiled at her and waited for Yunho to return.

“So good news,” He started as he sat back down in the booth, running a hand through his hair, which was way more attractive than it should’ve been, “They haven’t burnt down the apartment, but San—he’s one of my roommates—his car ran out of gas a few miles away from here so I’ve gotta go help him. Can I drive you back to your own apartment first?”

“Oh no, I don’t want to worry you.” I waved a hand, “I can have a friend pick me up.”

He nodded, “If you’re more comfortable with that, sure, but I’d rather drive you home, if that’s okay.”

I nodded, walking with him as he guided me out to his car. We had our first kiss when he dropped me off, leaving me with the promise of another date, and he delivered. Time and time again he proved he truly cared about me, which inevitably led to a relationship.

We heard a loud crashing in the basement of the house and Yunho let out a frustrated groan, “Oh god it’s happening again.”

He walked over to the basement door, opening it and sighing at the loud yells emitting from below.

“What is it this time?” Yunho shouted.

Wooyoung’s voice rung out, “San won’t let me use the controller!”

The man in front of me placed a hand over his eyes, over the situation entirely, “You’re still fighting over that game?”

“Crash Bandicoot waits for no man!”

“San let him have the controller or I’ll come down there and I’ll beat both of your asses!” Yunho shut the door, giving me a tired smile and walking back to me, “You’d think we would’ve outgrown this stage by now. I’d fire them both and hire a new bassist and drummer if I could.”

“Okay that’s an absolute lie, and you say that like you’re any better. I saw you arguing with Seonghwa over the last bag of chips yesterday.”

He pointed a finger at me, not trying to hide the smile on his face, “Okay that was absolutely valid. I bought those and they were mine.”

I smirked. “My point still stands.”

He rolled his eyes playfully, changing the subject, “How about after our date I sing you a couple of our new songs?” He leaned closer, his lips barely grazing my ear, “I wrote a few about you.”

I pulled back from him, feeling warmth spread in my chest. “Really? You did?”

Yunho wrapped an arm around my waist, “How could I not? You’re always my inspiration.”

I let out a string of incoherent gibberish which prompted the most adorable eye smiles from my boyfriend. I felt too honored to put my emotions into words.

“Go on.” Yunho motioned to the front door, “Grab your purse and head out to my car. I’ll let the guys know we’re going and I’ll meet you outside.”

I gave him a salute, “You got it cap’n!”

His eyes warmed, “God, I love you.”

“I know!” I teased before I grabbed my purse and skipped out of the house. The sun would be setting soon and I admired the several hues that were painted within the sky. I sat on the hood of his car, swinging my feet as I saw him walk out of the house.

“So where exactly are we going?” I tilted my head, looking forward to his response.

“Well I’ve got a couple ideas.” He held up his long fingers and counted off on them, “We could go bowling, or we could have a late night picnic, or maybe...” He moved closer, placing his hands on either side of me with a mischievous grin, “We could go swimming.”

My face lit up, “I haven’t been swimming in forever!”

“I know, that’s why I recommended it.” He laughed, “Let’s break into the swimming pool downtown. It’s definitely closed by now so we can be alone.”

I raised my brows at his words, a smile widening on my face, “Don’t we need to bring swimsuits, though?”

Yunho grinned at me and moved a hand to ruffle my hair, “Nope. We’re going without ‘em.” He lifted me off his car, “Hop in, babe.”

-

We approached the fence with our hands interlocked, a new message greeting us. A red and black sign with the words ‘No Trespassing’ was attached haphazardly to one of the metal wires looped through the fence surrounding the pool.

Yunho tsked, “Aw that’s cute. Like that’s gonna keep us out. This is basically our pool anyways.” 

I laughed, both of us knowing full well there was no method of security beyond the sign and fence. The pool had never installed security cameras and after word spread that the owner had a fear of advancing technology, we had no worry of being caught.

He cupped his hands, holding them out for me to step on. I placed my foot on his hands as he lifted me up, helping me scale the fence. I stepped back, feeling a thrill as Yunho jumped over. It was probably the fourth or fifth time we’d done this, but each time was just as exciting. We walked over to the edge of the pool, its light blue water and the dark blue of the sunset opposing one another but making a beautiful visual.

“Alright, off we go.” Yunho’s fingers danced to the hem of my shirt, then pulling it off and ridding me of the layer of clothing. He pressed several kisses to the exposed skin, making me shiver.

Yunho then pulled back from me, slowly removing his shirt and giving me a teasing look when he caught me staring at his abs, “I look good, don’t I?”

“Shut up,” I laughed, lightly slapping his strong, tattooed arm before removing my skirt, enjoying the way my boyfriend’s eyes devoured me. I returned the action when I saw him remove his jeans, something he was clearly enjoying as well.

I turned back to the pool only to be thrown over Yunho’s shoulders. He let out a string of laughs as I struggled to get down, fearing that he would throw me into the water.

“If you throw me into the pool I’ll kill you!” I laughed, squirming on his shoulders.

“No...I would never do something like that.” I wasn’t even facing him, but I could hear the smile in his voice, which was my only indication that he was about to throw me into pool.

Before I could try to make any sort of escape, he tossed me into the water. It was cold, but less cold than I expected it to be. I coughed up a bit of water as I resurfaced and when I opened my eyes I squinted at Yunho, annoyed at how attractive he looked with the evil smirk on his face.

“You’re a jerk.” I said with no venom behind my words.

“Yeah, yeah. Brace yourself I’m coming in.”

I barely had time to move before he jumped in, his legs tucked to his chest. “Cannonball!”

I moved my hands in front of my face to block the wave of water coming my way, not feeling any surprise about my boyfriend’s childish behavior. When he resurfaced he faced me with a smile, wading towards me, embracing me in his arms, and wrapping my legs around his waist. He was so tall that he could reach the bottom of the pool without having to swim, unlike me, where I was no near reaching the bottom and needed to swim in place. With a satisfied hum he pressed several wet kisses to my neck.

“I love you,” he mumbled, his voice muffled by my skin.

“I love you too, babe.” I hesitated before I said my next words, still overwhelmed at how strong my feelings were for him, “You’re the love of my life.”

He pulled back with a bright smile on his face, his eyes shining almost as if he was tearing up, “I knew you were the love of my life the moment I saw you. And you’re all mine.” Yunho said before he placed a delicate kiss to my lips.

“All yours, babe.”

His long fingers danced along my sides, grabbing at my hips as he began to attack my chest with kisses. I giggled as the feeling of his stubble tickled my skin.

“You know, you really ‘oughta shave before you get a full beard.”

“Why? Are you saying I wouldn’t look good with one?”

I cupped his face, “You’d look amazing with one, but I thought you didn’t like beards, babe?”

“Hate ‘em.” Yunho’s laugh echoed around us, “Really weird that men can grow them in the first place. But anyways...”

His hands made quick work of my bra, letting it sink to the bottom of the pool. I opened my mouth to scold him but before I could his mouth latched to my right nipple, sucking and nipping on it in a way that made my hands seek out his hair and tug harshly at his locks. Letting out a growl, Yunho placed one hand on the the pool wall for balance and the other on my back, drawing abstract shapes there.

Yunho moved to my other nipple, giving it the same treatment and smiling when he heard my moans. In a flash he removed his hand from my back and pressed me against the pool wall, his hand now traveling to my panties.

As he removed the final item of clothing he ran a finger over my clit, giggling to himself. I gave him a look and he clarified, “Babe, you’re wet enough to fill an entire swimming pool.”

I groaned, pressing my head into his chest, “You make that same god awful joke every time we come here.”

“And as such I couldn’t let tradition die.”

“Shut up and fuck me.” I laughed, promptly helping him out of his boxers.

He continued to tease me after, switching between playing with my clit and stretching me out with his long fingers. By the time he finally gave in, I was a whimpering, pathetic mess, begging for more.

As he aligned with my walls he looked at me with delicate eyes, “Ready, little flower?”

I nodded quickly, chanting ‘yes’ over and over. Yunho once again placed a hand on the wall and hooked one of my legs over his waist, allowing him to thrust deeper inside me. He held my hand with his free one, a simple action that always melted my heart. Despite how long we’d been together, I would always get overwhelmed by him so easily. Everything about him exuded such a strong aura that sometimes just the smallest kiss would leave me breathless. The first time we were intimate he took his hand in mine and assured me he would be gentle, and every time since he’s held my hand. It wouldn’t feel right without our hands together.

“Shit—it’s been way too long since we’ve done this.” I said as he snapped his hips into mine, quickly repeating the action.

“God I know.” He let out a pained groan at the thought of it, “Four months is gonna be fucking awful without you.”

“Guess we’ll have to make do with what we’ve got now.”

“Guess we will.”

The sounds of water splashing and the echos of our moans, a symphony I had become so familiar with, was gradually reaching its crescendo. It was getting harder to keep my eyes open but I forced them to be, needed to memorize everything about this moment. The sweat dripping down Yunho’s forehead, the tattooed muscles he was flexing, the sounds and praise he was emitting, and pleasure we were both feeling--I wouldn’t see nor feel this for the next four months.

A particular snap of his hips had me seeing stars and I called out to him, letting him know I was close. Within minutes, both of us were panting and reeling from our highs. Yunho pressed his nose against mine and both of us closed our eyes, enjoying each other’s presence.

“How come every time we come here it ends in sex?” I giggled.

He blinked and moved a strand of wet hair out of my face, “Because you’re hot and barely wearing any clothes and no one’s around.”

I blushed at his compliment, “I mean like I’m not complaining or anything.”

A cocky smile formed on Yunho’s face, “Well it certainly didn’t sound like you were a moment ago.”

“Yunho!”

The man laughed, lifting me up and spinning me around in the pool before cradling me in his arms.

“I hate to say it, but we do need to head back. The world awaits for us, I’m afraid.”

I sighed, pressing into his chest, “I’m gonna miss you.”

He stilled as he pulled me closer, “I’m gonna miss you, too. You don’t have to miss me yet, though.”

“I know.” I swallowed, wishing I had something more to say.

“Come on, then.” Yunho gave me a quick kiss, “Let’s head back.”

-

Yunho held the front door open for me, giving me a gentle slap on my ass when I walked through. I turned around and gave him a playfully annoyed look, which he only laughed at.

As we walked towards the living room, the sound of a random sitcom filled our ears. Six heads turned our way after hearing our footsteps. Seonghwa was resting his head against his long-time girlfriend. She was a sweet girl and complimented him more than any woman I’d seen him with. They really were soulmates, if they ever existed.

San was sitting holding hands with a man he’d been interested in for awhile. I’d often see him flirting with various men and women, but he never went any further than that, too afraid of commitment. This man; however, seemed to breaking through San’s walls. I really hoped they would work out, San deserved someone as kind as him.

Wooyoung sat across from the them, who acknowledged us first.

“Hey guys. Have fun?” Wooyoung asked, smiling at my soaked hair. He had his arm around a woman I’d never seen before and I was certain that none of us would ever see her again. He had the reputation of a playboy, and every poor woman thought they’d be the one exception, the one to make him stay. I’m sure the allure of being a drummer in a band was part of his appeal, too. Maybe one day, like San, he’d settle down.

The woman became visibly upset when Wooyoung looked me with a teasing glance. Feeling sympathy for her, I decided to do my best to calm her nerves.

I spoke for us, linking hands with my boyfriend. “Yeah, we did. I think we’re gonna go clean up though.” I looked at the woman, “I’m y/n, by the way. I’m Yunho’s girlfriend.”

She didn’t even try to hide the relief on her face. “Oh! I’m Solar. It’s nice to meet you.”

“Yeah,” Wooyoung started, “Best girlfriend he’s ever had. Much better for him than Lucy.”

Yunho glared at the man, “Thought we agreed not to bring her up?”

Lucy, the woman Yunho dated before me, was arguably the scariest person I’d ever heard about. They dated for roughly three months before she became obsessive, to the point where Yunho had to get a restraining order against her. She threatened to hurt all of Yunho’s friends and family, all because she wanted Yunho all to herself. That was about all Yunho ever told me about her. Not that I complained. I didn’t exactly want to discuss his exes, even more so when they were that crazy.

I never told him, but I knew I saw her the first date we went on. I could see the way her piercing, ice eyes saw through me. I had no doubt it was her. I just hope I’d never see her again. Maybe now that she saw he was taken she’d leave us alone. There was an uncomfortable silence following, none of us knowing what to say until San spoke.

“You look like a wet dog, Yunho.” San joked, prompting laughter from a few of us, which seemed like more of a noise of relief rather than one of actual humor.

“Yeah, yeah.” My boyfriend relaxed his shoulders, “I think we’re gonna head in for the night so don’t make too much noise.” Waving them goodbye he caught up with me, placing a hand around my waist.

“Shower with me, doll.”

I placed a hand on his chest, “I would love to.”

-

I came out of the shower wearing my favorite large shirt of Yunho’s, drying my wet hair with a towel. The smell of chlorine had gone away for the most part; whatever chemicals the owner put in that pool always made the smell harder to get rid of. Only a small price to pay, I figured.

My boyfriend, who was much quicker than I was, looked up from his phone as he was splayed out across his bed. His tired eyes smiled at me while motioning me over. Yunho’s own hair was still drying and with his bare face and crooked smile, he was as handsome as he could ever be.

“Hey there.”

“Hey, sweetheart.” He reached an arm out to me, pulling me against him when I took his hand, “How ya feeling?”

“Tired.” I hummed, sleepily smiling against his neck.

“Too tired to listen to the song I wrote for you?”

“No! Not at all.”

Yunho chuckled, slowly brushing my hair aside and turning his head to look at me. As he had countless times, he took a breath before he turned to me, beginning to sing.

“You give me fireworks

I’ll give you the kindest words, my dear

Your love caught me

The moment I met your eyes

And how could I not fall?

Your heart bared, no disguise”

I fought to stay awake although his melodic voice seemed to be lulling me to sleep. I felt myself losing consciousness, but managed to catch the last few lyrics he sang to me.

“Now I sunbathe in the daybreak

Half asleep, half awake

Writing this song

As I hope I’ll dream of you”

Yunho brushed his fingertips brush against my face before he spoke, “Goodnight, flower.”

I muttered some form of a “goodnight” before I felt sleep take over me, nuzzling happily against my boyfriend.

-

I woke up in a panic, unsure why my heart was beating so fast until I looked at the clock. Eleven in the morning. I was an hour later than I should’ve been at my job. It seemed that even unconscious my body knew I was late.

“Oh shit I’m gonna be late for work!” I spoke with wide eyes.

Jumping from Yunho’s bed I stripped myself of his shirt and quickly threw my clothes on. The body that laid beside me stirred, moving the covers aside.

“Are you leaving?” He asked sleepily, his face puffy from sleep and an adorable pout on his lips.

I frowned, “Yeah. I’m sorry we didn’t get to spend more time together, babe.”

He shook his head, “Don’t worry about it. Both of us slept in.”

I tied my hair back, sighing. I was so caught up in my thoughts I almost missed Yunho’s question.

“Sorry what was that?”

He smiled, “You’re coming to our going away party tomorrow, right?”

“Of course. I wouldn’t miss it for the world.” I moved back to the bed and hugged him, feeling my heart sink. I was proud of him, I really was, yet couldn’t help but feel sad that I wouldn’t see him for so long.

This was the longest tour they’d ever gone on and we’d never been apart from each other that long before. I trusted him and I was confident in our relationship, but realistically, all members of Sidekick Heart were attractive young men and a good portion of their fans were female. I was far more concerned about the female audience doing something than I was about Yunho making a move on another woman.

With one last squeeze of his shoulders I pulled back, goodbyes beginning to fall from my lips before Yunho pulled me back.

“I need a goodbye kiss.”

I pressed my lips together with a smile, gladly indulging him. Giving him one last kiss against the lips, I bid him farewell until the following day.

-

“So how was work?” My roommate asked as I walked in the house, propping her feet up on our couch and tossing a kernel of corn into her mouth, the lighting of the TV illuminating her blanket-covered body.

I sighed, sitting down on the floor next to her, “Other than being an hour and a half late and missing an important meeting I think it went okay. I’m just glad the day’s over.” Rubbing a hand over my face I turned to her, “What about you? How was your day?”

“Pretty damn good actually.” She smiled, removing the blanket and showing me the new ink on her upper arm. It was an assortment of flowers and matched her bubbly personality perfectly. They were now the fifth adornment on her beautiful dark skin, each one of them tempting me more and more to get a few of my own.

“Another one already, Tiff?”

“Listen, you’ll know how addicting they get as soon as you get your first.”

“You sound so confident that I will.”

“Oh I know you will. You’re dating a rockstar, after all. Not to mention he’s the goddamn lead singer and has tattoos of his own.”

“Shut up.” I giggled, “Speaking of, are you coming to the farewell party tomorrow?”

“I plan on it, but I’ll probably be there a couple hours late. My dad’s flying into town for the weekend so I plan on visiting first. I’m definitely coming though.”

I hummed, “Yeah, don’t worry too much about it. We all know it’ll go till sunrise anyway.”

She let out a loud laugh, likely remembering the last party of theirs we went to where she ended up more drunk than I’d ever seen her. She claims she remembers flashes of the night; playing strip beer pong and being dared to steal one of the neighbor’s bushes—which, after much convincing from those who were sober, she decided against it—but didn’t recall half of the hilarious memories of her the rest of us did. Personally, my favorite was watching her hold a tomato soup can and cry over the fact that it could never have children.

Tiff let out a yawn as she stretched her arms above her head, turning in my direction. Her words were muffled by her yawn as she spoke, “Imma go to bed now. You good before I go?”

I smiled at her, “Yeah I’m good. I won’t stay up too much longer, just need to go through my nightly routine of looking at the stars, ya know, the usual.”

She nodded, wrapping the blanket around her and heading to her bedroom, “Sleep well, babe. I’ll see ya tomorrow.”

“Back at ya.”

It was a habit of mine, gazing at the night sky before sleeping. It gave me comfort knowing that out there, somewhere, there was something else out there with me. Almost like I wasn’t going through everything alone.

I set my purse down when I reached our kitchen, reaching for a tea pot and tea bags, brainlessly brewing my favorite tea as I thought of what Yunho might be doing right now. It was probably most likely that he was practicing for their tours, but I could only hope he was getting a little bit of rest.

I stepped out onto our porch to look at the stars with a cup of tea in my hands, the night sky twinkling with all the stars it could offer. A slight breeze rustled my hair and I closed my eyes, thankful for the pleasant weather. I heard a sudden snap of a branch and my eyes quickly opened as I searched out property for any sign of an aggressive animal. My eyes finally landed on a human-like figure. Feeling adrenaline run though me, I decided to confront whoever or whatever it was.

“Who are you? What are you doing here?” I spoke, my voice loud but not quite a yell.

The figure took off it’s hood to show their face, and I saw a familiar pair of ice blue eyes, though I hadn’t seen them in years, “I’m here to see you, of course.”

My brain quickly connected her to the woman I hoped I’d never see again.

Lucy.

“Well I don’t want to see you. Leave.”

She pressed a hand to her chest, feigning offense, “But I came all this way! Just to...say hello.”

I took a step towards her, hoping that if I appeared confrontational she would leave me alone. “I don’t know who you are, now please leave. I’m not going to say it again.”

“Oh, you poor girl. You really think you have the upper hand?” She pulled out a knife, and walked towards me at impressive speed, pointing the weapon at my throat. “I know you’ve been seeing Yunho. I. Don’t. Like. That.” She emphasized every word of the last sentence, anger woven within her voice.

I wanted to fight back. Everything in me was screaming to fight back, but I knew I had no chance. I had no idea what she was capable of, and I didn’t dare to find out.

“I dated him first and he’s still mine. You’re going to break up with him, you hear me?” She screamed in my ear, the sound shaking me to my core, “I never want to see you near him again.” She grabbed my jaw harshly, forcing my eyes to lock with hers. “I bet he doesn’t even love you.”

My eyes watered. I knew she was wrong, but with the adrenaline coursing through my veins and the harshness of her words I began to doubt myself.

Her grip tightened and I let out a yelp, “He loves me and I love him. He’s always loved me, not you. Why would he ever love a thing like you?”

She then threw me to the ground, towering over me, “Break up with him. Make him hate you. If you don’t,” She squatted down next to me, once more pointing the knife at my throat, “I’ll kill him myself and make you watch. Then,” She cocked her head, a crazed smile plastered on her face, “I’ll kill you. If I can’t have him, no one can.” She stood, smirking at me, “And you know I will.”

She kicked me in the stomach, watching as I crawled into myself, groaning from the pain. I closed my eyes, hoping she wouldn’t hurt me any more than she already had.

“I’ll be watching you at the party tomorrow. Do it then. Break his heart. I’ll kill him then and there if you don’t.” She looked down at me and scoffed, “And I’ll be bringing friends to make sure the job gets done.”

I carefully opened my eyes to see her stepping over me, walking back into the darkness from which she came. I scrambled back into my house, hyperventilating from the interaction I just had.

I spent the night crying, not able to sleep even for a minute. I tried to think rationally, but there were just too many variables. How many ‘friends’ was she bringing? Would she really kill Yunho in front of everyone? Where would she be watching me from? Is she watching me now?

I could text or call Yunho to let him know, but where would we go from there? He’d want to meet me and she’d kill him instantly. Right?

“Maybe I could pull him aside at the party and warn him?” I murmured to myself, “No, she could probably see that. Maybe there’s people actually at the party who are looking out for us, too.” I covered my face with my hands and fell back into my pillows, weeping as I knew I had to break up with the love of my life.

-

Choosing to wear a yellow dress honestly couldn’t have been more ironic. Yellow was supposed to be a happy color. A color of hope and yearning, innocence and warm days full of laughter. It was the complete antithesis of how I felt and what I knew I had to do. Even worse, the weather was perfect. It was sunny, but not so much to make it unbearable outside. Everything about today made my insides twist.

I took a breath at the door of Yunho’s house, bracing myself for what I had to do. Knocking a few times I heard a commotion inside before the man I came to see opened the door. His smile had never been bigger.

“Baby!” He cheered, pulling me into a bear hug and ruffling my styled hair, “I’m so excited you’re here!”

He looks so ecstatic. And I have to break him.

The thought crushed me and brought tears to my eyes, but I couldn’t let him die. I knew she was serious, I didn’t doubt that for a moment. I grabbed Yunho’s arm, pulling him outside and away from everyone in the house.

I looked at the ground as I felt my lips begin to quiver, “I’m sorry. I just need to get this over with.”

Yunho bent down to meet my eyes, “Hey, hey. What’s going on sweetheart?” His voice was gentle, one of his hands coming to rub the tears from my face, “I’m here for you, whatever it is.”

I looked down, unable to look him in the eyes. I hated myself more than I’d ever hated anyone. “I don’t love you, Yunho.” My hands began to shake beyond my control, my own body knowing I was making a mistake.

“W-what?” Yunho’s voice cracked. A moment of silence passed before he let out a hollow laugh, “Baby, you don’t mean that-”

I looked up at him and immediately wished I hadn’t. Tears were welling in his eyes, his own hands beginning to shake.

“I said I don’t love you Yunho!” I said louder than I intended, “Not anymore. I don’t want to be with you. I’m sorry.”

He took a step back and I noticed his hands clenching, something he always did to keep himself from crying.

“If that’s what you want,” Tears fell from his eyes before he finished his sentence, “Then I’ll support your decision.” He looked to the side, not knowing what else to say.

I wanted nothing more than to throw myself in his arms and explain everything, tell him that I’ve never stopped loving him, not even for a second, but I couldn’t. Instead, I wiped away my tears with the back of my hand and looked at him one last time. He was so fucking handsome, so goddamn kind, and here I was doing this to him. Maybe he did deserve someone better.

“Good luck with your tour, Yunho. I know you’ll be fantastic.”

I turned and walked away from him quickly, leaving the house and ignoring the stare I could feel on me. I ran across the yard to my car, starting the engine and leaning my head against the steering wheel. I felt myself lose all oxygen in my body, the only option left to take large gasps of air. My vision was so clouded by tears I couldn’t even see anymore. I’d just lost myself along with my other half. I’d never felt as empty as I did in that moment.

Just then I heard a knocking on my window. I half-hardheartedly lifted my head and felt my heart lurch. Yunho was standing outside my car, eyes red and puffy, looking at me like I was the last person he’d ever see. I opened my car without thinking, my breathing still as uneven as before.

Yunho spoke, his voice coarse and distant, “I’m not asking you to change your mind, but I need you to know that I have always loved you and I always will. That will never change.”

I wiped the snot from my nose but didn’t bother to try and fix the mascara I knew was streaming down my face. I knew I had to look horrible, but he still held so much love for me that it was easy to see in his eyes. I fought myself to not reply, knowing that if I’d open my mouth all I’d say was ‘I love you’ over and over again.

“Is it too out of line to ask for a last hug?” He smiled sadly as more tears poured from his eyes.

I shook my head, running into his arms and embracing him. I felt like I made a mistake the moment I did because I could smell him. He was wearing the cologne I bought him for his birthday. His warm, sturdy chest...everything about him felt like home.

“Goodbye, Yunho.”

-

I arrived at home alone, tears still stinging my eyes. Tiff was nowhere to be found and I couldn’t decide if I was thankful or sad for the fact that she wasn’t there. I barely made it out to our porch before collapsing once again, finding it harder and harder to breathe. I didn’t know how long I was sitting there, it could’ve been one hour or three, but given the setting sun it looked like it was the latter. Once more I heard a noise outside our home, and once more the female figure appeared before me.

“You did good,” Lucy said, twirling her knife in her hands, “Dare I say I’m proud of you.”

“I don’t ever want to see you here again.” I cried, “I did what you want now get the fuck away from me.”

“My, my. You have quite the mouth on you, don’t you?” She tsked, “But you did as I asked, so I might as well comply. Don’t; however, think that you can go crawling back to Yunho and tell him about this. I’ll keep watching you and if you decide to do just that...I’ll follow through with my promise.”

I kept my eyes on the ground, convinced that if I looked up at her I’d attempt to rip the hair out of her head. No anger I had ever felt before could surmount to the rage I was feeling.

“Nonetheless, it was a pleasure doing business with you, miss.”

As soon as she came, she was gone. When I finally let myself look up, I could no longer see her, only darkness. Once again, I was alone.

-

Six months had passed since I broke up with Yunho and today officially made the third new date I’d went on. All of them were absolutely horrible. It wasn’t even that the guys were mean or rude or weren’t attractive, they just weren’t him.

Why am I even trying to move on?

I looked at myself in the mirror. My eyes looked heavy, the bags under my eyes ever prominent. I couldn’t fool myself. I’d never be able to be with another man again. I forced myself to hold back tears and reached back to untie my hair, preparing to take a bath in hopes that it would take my mind off of things.

I began to run the warm water as I reached for several candles, lighting them and placing them around the room, trying to forget the entire day altogether. As I waited for the tub to fill I grabbed my phone, opening Instagram for no other reason than to have something to do. Although Yunho and I broke up, I still followed their band account, as well as their individual accounts. Seonghwa, San, and Wooyoung were still my friends, after all. Yunho was the only exception. Both of us unfollowed each other early on just because it was too painful. I didn’t hold it against him and hoped he didn’t hold it against me either.

Regardless, my eyes found the most recent post on Sidekick Heart’s account. All four members were shirtless, their hair dripping wet with goofy smiles plastered on their faces. They were standing by a pool, the same one Yunho and I would often break into. I noticed Yunho first, how could I not? His smile wasn’t as wide as the other’s, his eyes a bit colder, but he looked happy all the same. He looked good. Really, really good. He was always fit while we were dating, but he gained more muscle since I last saw him and it didn’t go unnoticed by their fans, either. I clicked the comment section against my better judgement, knowing what I was going to see before I even did so.

“Yunho looks like a fucking goddd”

“So Yunho’s still single right??”

“Yunhooo hmu I beg you”

“Jesus Christ Yunho break me please”

A surge of jealousy rushed through me. I hated when girls said those things when we were together, but now that we were apart it made it even worse. I had no right to be jealous, and that was the worst part.

The water reached my leg that was resting on the side of the tub and I scrambled to turn off the faucet. Doing my best to push the images from my mind I placed my phone aside and stripped from my clothes, settling in the water. I sighed as some water fell out of the side of the tub. It wasn’t a terrible thing to happen, but it seemed to just be another thing to go wrong.

My eyes wandered back to my phone, Instagram still open and the picture I was looking at earlier still on display. He was so fucking hot and seeing that he was standing next to that pool—our pool—made my brain short circuit. I couldn’t stop my thoughts from taking me back to the last night we broke in, the way we teased each other and how it inevitably led to sex. It seemed I had no control over my body as my dominant hand slipped between my legs.

But as much as I wanted it to be, it wasn’t the same. My fingers weren’t as long or slender as his and just nothing about our touches were the same, but the image of him just made my hormones rage. Every ounce of me craved him.

My fingers swirled around my clit, a bundle of pleasure shooting through me at the action. I closed my eyes, letting my body take over and repeat the motions and much as I fought not to, my brain kept replaying scenes of two of us again, and again, and again.

“Such a good girl, aren’t you?” Yunho spoke as I sunk down on his dick, barely finding the energy to lift myself up again even though the noises he made were like shots of espresso.

“Aww, is my baby getting tired?” He cooed, jerking his hips into mine.

“It’s not fair!” I whined, “I’m not good at this and you know it.”

“But we wouldn’t be a good couple if we didn’t encourage each other to work hard, right? Up you go, flower.”

I whimpered and pouted, but still obeyed him. Taking pity on me, Yunho grabbed my waist and lifted me, relaxing his grip as I moved downward. I made a noise that wasn’t understood by Yunho, but it didn’t go unnoticed.

“What was that?”

“Please. More. I need you so bad.” I begged.

Yunho laughed, “I really do have you wrapped around my finger, don’t I?”

I nodded before remembering that he’d probably prefer a verbal answer, “Yes. I’m w-wrapped around your finger.”

He let out a noise of satisfaction before flipping us over into a position so that he would have full control. I grabbed the bedsheets roughly, so much in my own world that I didn’t hear Yunho’s words.

“What was that?” I let out with a series of mewls.

“You’ve got me wrapped around your finger, too, you know? I don’t go an hour without thinking about you anymore. I can’t even have a single conversation without bringing you up. Anytime someone says your name my heart beats out of my damn chest. You’re the only woman for me.”

My legs shook as my high approached, barely able to breathe at it’s intensity. It took me a minute before I could even remember where I was. As I came to my senses, I felt tears biting at my eyes and this time I didn’t bother to hold them back. I watched as they streamed down my face and joined the now-cold water surrounding me. I brought my hands up to cover my eyes, glad Tiff wasn’t home to hear my wailing. She’d been good about staying with me since the breakup, but tonight she just wasn’t here. The hole in my heart felt even deeper now. I wondered if he found someone, if he was happy now. Hell, maybe it was his ex. The thought tore my heart out and ripped it in two. I wanted to be happy for him if it was true, but I just couldn’t be. I was still too selfish. I still wanted him to love only me.

-

 New friends, new beginnings or whatever.

That’s apparently what I thought when I began attending more clubs at college after the breakup, meeting new people and eventually finding a really solid friend group. All who happened to really like punk-rock music.

“You should really go with us,” Shang directed his words at me, “There’s a new band popping up that’s playing this weekend. It’s three hours away but they have great music.” 

I sighed, not fully convinced although it did sound fun. The last concert I’d been to was one of Yunho’s and though I hadn’t even seen him in what felt like forever, I still couldn’t help myself from thinking of him anytime someone talked about concerts. Sensing my apprehension, the woman beside me spoke up.

“Road trip! Road trip! Road trip!” Tyra chanted in my ear, her black curls bouncing with her as she clapped her hands between the words. “Come on, it would be so much fun and you know it.”

I bit my lip, deep in thought. I knew I would have fun but I just didn’t know if that would outweigh the pain I would feel.

“What’s the band name?” I asked, looking at Shang.

“Honestly?” He scratched the back of his head, “I was a little drunk when I told one of my friends I’d be there so I don’t even remember what they’re called.”

“How do you know they have great music, then?” I laughed, Tyra agreeing with me, apparently not knowing who was playing when she agreed either.

“I mean, my brother listens to their music and he’s got good music taste so they’ve gotta be good.”

I closed my eyes as I felt an oncoming headache, knowing they wouldn’t accept no as an answer. “Fuck it.” I stated, “I’ll go.”

The two cheered, Shang promising that I’d enjoy myself. I doubted it, truthfully, but really it was decided that I’d go the moment the pair brought the idea up to me.

-

Our trio waded through the giant crowd as the doors opened to let us into the venue. It was big, one of the larger concerts I’ve been to. Whoever we were seeing was successful, for sure. The volume at which everyone was speaking was essentially a yell, so I had to do just that to get my messages through.

“I still can’t believe we have no fucking idea who’s playing!” I yelled at Shang.

He laughed, “I got seats towards the front row, though! I didn’t even have to pay for them!”

“That’s not gonna matter if we don’t know any of the lyrics, you dipshit!” Tyra barked.

“Okay okay I should’ve asked, I get that now.”

As we found our way towards the seats, there was a big projector with the words ‘Sidekick Heart’ displayed across it. My heart dropped and I suddenly felt it become hard to breathe.

“You got us tickets to a Sidekick Heart concert?” Tyra beamed, “I love their music and I’m practically in love with San! His vocals are insane! Holy shit, Shang!”

“Ohhhh yeah I remember now.” He chuckled.

I seemed to fade into the background as the two of them discussed their love for the band and the members. All I could think about was seeing Yunho again.

Would he see me? How would he react if he does?...Does he hate me?

I only came back to reality when the audience began to cheer and I saw all the members step onto stage. Seonghwa cradled his electric guitar, in one arm, waving at the audience with the other. Wooyoung plopped down behind the drum set, smiling at the audience while twirling a drumstick. With his bass guitar, San, ever the king of expressions, gave his best smoulder to the audience and it seemed like the audience collectively screamed over him. Then came Yunho out to center stage, his electric guitar in his hands and a smirk on his face as if he knew everyone in the damn building wanted to fuck him. And he’d be right. The spotlights on each of them made them look like actual gods. If I didn’t know them personally I would have thought they were.

Yunho leaned into the mic, his gruff voice taking me by surprise, “Hello everyone! Great to see you all! If you haven’t been to one of our concerts before this is how it’s gonna work: You’re gonna dance, we’re gonna sing, we’re all gonna have a fucking great time tonight!”

The crowd erupted as the first song began to play. It was one of their more popular songs and for good reason. All over it was a really well put together song and I couldn’t help as I began to mouth along to the words. Song after song played, some I knew some I didn’t, and the entire time I couldn’t look away from the man singing. He radiated confidence and looked relaxed as if he’d been performing for decades. I knew he wasn’t as cool as he seemed, I’d given him so many pep talks before performances I couldn’t count them, but as an outsider you’d never know.

I wonder who talked him up this time?

“Alright everyone. This is the last song of the night and-”

The audience booed, everyone upset at the night coming to a close.

Yunho laughed. The sound was rich and beautiful. He was truly enjoying himself. This is what he was meant to do, with or without me. I closed my eyes, willing myself not to cry.

Yunho’s voice filled my ears. “I know, I know. I’d love to stay a bit longer, too. Here’s the thing though...” He paused and I opened my eyes only to see him looking back at me. His eyes automatically softened as they always did when he saw me, but as if he remembered how we ended his gaze hardened slightly, like he was trying to distance himself. It felt like we’d been looking at each other for hours before he opened his mouth to speak again, but I knew very well that my perception of time had been off for a while.

“Even if we only have this little time left, I’ve truly enjoyed the time we’ve spent together. The fact that it’s coming to an end soon is what makes it so special, I think.” Yunho broke eye contact with me, smiling slightly and glancing back out at the sea of people. “Seeing your smiling faces, your energetic cheers—all of it—is a reminder to me that we’re so lucky to be doing this as a job. Really...I love you all.”

The audience let out a chorus of ‘awws’ which was followed by several rather aggressive ‘I love you too’s.

The lead singer once more smiled, “Now, without further adieu, this is one of our newest songs and it’s called Brown Eyes, here it is.”

The music began to play, all instruments coming together to make a somber tune. Somehow they were always able to write music that perfectly encapsulated emotions or ideas. This one? Loss.

“Since you left you’re still so infused

In how I think and what I do

Can’t seem to get you to leave me alone

Your ghost stayed here and she watches my tears

That run down our picture frames”

Then he found me again in the crowd, no doubt able to see the tears staining my makeup, no doubt able to see how broken I was. And still, he sang.

“I’ve tried hard to fight it

Yet I keep givin’ in

There’s been no one but you

I’m trapped, confined

And your platinum smile still knocks me out

Every single time”

He kept eye contact with me, not once breaking his gaze. It was almost as if he wanted me to break first, as if he wanted me to look away before him. As if he was daring me to leave him again.

San stepped closer to his mic and took his eyes away from his bass guitar, Yunho’s voice being replaced by the purple-haired man. As his voice rang out I only could’ve hoped the next lyrics were about one of San ex’s, not me. Even if they weren’t, Yunho still looked at me.

“It’s not aimed at me 

Maybe it never was

But oh darling, you could’ve fooled me”

My eyes flickered down, unable to look at Yunho any longer. His gaze only broke my heart further and in turn I felt my eyes water. After a moment or two, I worked up the courage to look back at him. He was still looking at me like he never moved his eyes. I couldn’t seem to register the lyrics until Yunho began to sing again, his voice drawing me in as it always did.

“You've disappeared without a trace

Left an unsuspecting guise

Love, I need you to know

I’ve been losing far more than sleep

Over those deep chocolate eyes.”

As the song and the show ended and everyone in the crowd cheered, I felt a rush of emotions run through me. Thrilled that they’d become so successful, proud of them for putting on such an amazing show, and hurt because I could still see a sliver of sadness in Yunho’s eyes.

I hurt him.

Yunho then reluctantly said his goodbyes to the audience along with the rest of the members. His jaw tightened as he walked over to Wooyoung, whispering something in his ear before walking off stage. Feeling like I was set in a trance, I grabbed my Tyra’s arm and mumbled something about going to the bathroom before following him. I completely ignored her questions and concerns about where I was going, dead set on talking to him again even though I didn’t have a damn idea what I was going to say.

Somehow, through the giant maze of people, I was able to spot Yunho leaving through the backstage. Instinctively I ran towards him, still having no plan in mind. I only stopped when a purple-headed man appeared before me.

“Y/n!” He smiled, bringing me into a hug, “I missed you so much!” He pulled back from me, “We all did.”

Seonghwa and Wooyoung came from behind me, both wearing sad, kind smiles. They looked healthy and happy, which was all I could’ve asked for them.

“How’ve you been, girl?” Seonghwa cocked his head, genuinely curious.

I hesitated, not sure if I should tell them the truth. But at the end of the day, they were still my friends. “Not...great. If I’m being honest. I was kinda hoping I could talk to Yunho...if I could.”

They all shared a look I couldn’t understand.

Wooyoung spoke up, “We’re having a party at a friend’s house after this, you should come.”

I was surprised, still not fully understanding the situation.

San frowned, “I think it would be good for you two to talk. He didn’t tell us too much about what happened, but I’m sure you had a good reason. You were always so good to all of us.”

“I can text you the address if you’d like,” Wooyoung added, “You still have the same number?”

I nodded.

“Okay, good. We need to get back but we’ll see you there. Take care, okay?”

“I will. Thanks guys.”

San pulled me in for another hug, “Of course.”

They waved as we parted ways and for the first time that night, I felt hopeful. I spotted Shang and Tyra and ran up to them, no doubt a smile on my face as I asked, “Soo...you guys up for a party?”

-

I ditched my friends the moment we arrived, barely even sparing a word with Seonghwa, San, and Wooyoung once they nudged me in the direction of Yunho. I didn’t try to think too much about it, knowing I’d explain it all to them later.

He was standing in an empty bedroom, looking at the floor and sipping out of a red cup which likely contained liquor. When his eyes met mine a rush of memories flooded back to me. The first time we kissed, the first time he confessed he loved me, the first time he saw me cry.

The first time I broke his heart.

His eyes raised to mine, his face stoic, “Enjoy the show?”

My mouth opened and closed, not having any clue what to say to him, “Yunho I-”

“I know why you did it.” He said suddenly, “A week after you left me Lucy showed up to one of our shows and tried to convince me it was all a coincidence. Said that I could finally be with her. When I didn’t buy it she finally gave in and told me she convinced you we were better apart. So naturally I called the cops and they arrested her for breaking the restraining order, thank god.” He shook his head, looking disgusted, “You know I never wanted us to be apart. My question to you,” he took a step further towards me, “is why did you do it? Why did you end us?”

When I couldn’t seem to respond he talked once more, “You could’ve told me what she was trying to do. We could’ve worked it out together.” He looked more disappointed and heartbroken rather than angry.

He doesn’t deserve this. He doesn’t deserve any of this.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry, Yunho.” I bit my tongue as I fought back tears, “I’m not asking for you to forgive me. I-I’m just-” I sobbed, “Lucy told me she would kill you if I kept dating you.”

Yunho’s mouth shut and eyes widened, clearly missing that bit of information. I took it as my cue to continue “I don’t know why she did it, but it’s probably because we were happy.”

More tears fell down my face and it became harder for me to talk, but I owed him the truth. I had to tell him the truth. I looked up at him but because of my tears my vision was blurred. Yunho’s hands were tightening into fists as he looked away from me.

“I couldn’t tell you because I had to protect you so I had to make you hate me and I’m just so sorry.” I fell to the ground, my body feeling as heavy as my heart.

I felt a warm hand on my shoulder and I brought my eyes to meet his own, “I’m sorry.” A tear streamed down his cheek, heavy remorse in his eyes, “God she’s fucking awful.”

A laugh got caught in my throat, “Yeah she is.”

He set his cup down somewhere along the way a his hands cupped my face, finally whispering the words I’d only heard in dreams, “I still love you so fucking much. I never stopped loving you. I never even tried to stop because I know I couldn’t.”

I jumped into his arms and kissed him hard, unintentionally knocking him to the floor. He met my lips with just as much fire, groaning when I unconsciously bucked my hips into his, all my sexual frustration still pent up.

“I missed you so fucking much.” Yunho growled, obviously feeling needy too but deciding against it as he wrapped his arms around my waist, speaking in between kisses, “I missed your cute laugh. I missed your lips. I missed your fucking awful jokes. I missed the way you’d look at me whenever you told me you loved me. I missed your gorgeous body and your smile. I missed your moans and the way you arched your back when we’d have sex. I missed how alive you made me feel.” He pulled back to look at me, “My life had no purpose without you.”

I took a breath, tears once more falling, “Mine didn’t either.” It wasn’t anything profound or emotional, but it was the truth. It didn’t.

Gently picking me up, he placed me on the bed. His eyes were raw, as emotional as they could ever be. Taking my hands in his, he looked at me as if I would disappear at any minute.

“Stay with me. Come with us on the rest of the tour. If you can’t take a vacation we’ll hire you as an assistant. If you can’t do that we’ll make some other kind of accommodation. Just stay, please. Please be mine again.”

I looked at the man in front of me. The tough-looking, six-foot tall, tattooed, strong man that could probably scare the shit out of anyone. Yet here he was, bearing his heart to me and being as vulnerable as a person could be.

I smiled, feeling my heart swell. “I’ve only ever been yours.”

-

The morning was bright, lighting directly hitting my eyes. I cursed myself for not closing the blinds the night before and blinked off my sleep when I heard a familiar pleasant sound.

Jumping down from the bed I put on the new fluffy bathrobe my lover bought me. I followed Yunho’s voice out to my porch, realizing I was listening to a new song of his. The man was strumming a guitar, a beautiful melody falling from his lips. When he noticed me, he smiled and continued to sing.

“I’m in a vivid yellow mood

You’re my muse, my home and room

And now that I have you again

What could I ever fear?

Oh do me a favor, dear

And inscribe your name on my sleeve

Let me keep it there forever

Because you’re better than any daydream.”