#too bad im not processing em

[proshippers-against-censorship]

https://www.tumblr.com/proshippers-against-censorship/753562079700680704/i-have-a-lot-of-things-to-say-but-i-dont-want-to

Some clarifications since I guess I wasn’t very clear about a few things:

Thought crimes aren’t real not because a person’s thoughts don’t make them a bad person, but because we don’t always base what is and isn’t a crime on being a bad person. Cheating on your partner makes you a bad person, but it doesn’t make you a criminal in most cases. I’m not comparing cheating and “thought crimes” like I saw a few people say, I’m using it as an example of how our legal system isn’t based on morality and whether something is a crime or not can’t be used to determine good and bad.

I also saw someone speculating about whether my personal experiences with my PTSD and my intrusive thoughts were real, accusing me of appropriating mental health language. Thanks for that by the way guys, I love having my experiences questioned when they aren’t like yours. I’ve been going to therapy for this for a while now, and the things I described are exactly what my therapist told me to do.

I’ve never hurt myself before, and I don’t want to. There is no desire to act on the thoughts I have. Almost like they’re intrusive thoughts I don’t want. Which is ironic considering I’ve seen these exact same people make fun of antis for saying shit like “if your therapist is seriously recommending that, get a new therapist.” It’s always, other people don’t know any better than actual mental health professionals someone is actually speaking to, everyone’s healing journey is different and you don’t get to dictate how other people heal or what their experience is or is not, until it’s someone whose mental illnesses aren’t like yours. Then you know better than mental health professionals and you get to dictate if they’re “appropriating” language those mental health professionals have applied to them.

I have to do my showers in many small steps because I have to put down my razor and do something else so many goddamn times. It takes me hours. I have to stop not because I want to actually hurt myself, but because I cannot function with the thoughts for very long. The only way to get rid of the anxiety is to stop what I’m doing, do something else, then come back to it later. But I get it done eventually, and my therapist told me to keep doing exactly what I’m doing. I ignore the thoughts. I don’t try to get rid of the anxiety, because the anxiety isn’t the problem, the thought is.

.

[nomidreams]

god i finally watched new episodes my honest reaction is jgiwoaoKzmxmkwkakkak

[phagodyke]

2nd hearing test today and it looks normal thank FUCKKK. well ofc I'm still deaf, normal For Me

[thanatosaria]

just one look from me, lights out, watch em hit the ground 🗡️

[orcelito]

Remembering that a 4 hour psychological test means 4 hours under the examiner's microscope. I hope they let me listen to music during a written test, but idk if that would defeat the purpose or not. I... really don't know what to expect tomorrow, and it's kind of making me a bit nervous. Lol.

[dockaspbrak]

🧍

[isaacathom]

shaking my two ocs in the scifi story like dolls. they should kiss.

[trash-king18]

miguelxpregnant!reader drabble

————

im so sorry but i can just imagine miguel laying his head on his wife’s stomach as he often does to get her to play with his hair because he’s a big baby and after laying down for a second he shoots up looking like he can’t believe something just happened

“ay miguel wtf”

he just shushes you and puts his head back to your stomach and when he looks up at you he has the biggest smile you’ve ever seen on his face

“oh my god what is wrong with you”

“mi vida… you’re pregnant”

“..what? no baby im not”

he looks like it’s christmas morning “yes cariño you are”

“how do you know” you’re assuming he was gonna say that he had a feeling

“i can hear it” you look at him like he’s gone insane

“hear what?”

“a heartbeat”

“uh yeah.. mine?”

he rolls his eyes “no.” his hands come to the sides of your waist and he just stares in wonder at your belly

“there’s another one. it’s small but it’s there”

“migs..” you place a hand on his face, you feel bad

“i know you want it to be true but i think i would know if i was over a month pregnant” (heartbeats develop around 35 days)

he just brings your hand down gently still smiling like a madman but then he looks at you very seriously “baby when was your last period”

you think about it for a second. you’ve been literally so wrapped up in work you hadn’t even noticed. your hand comes up to your mouth

“oh my god.”

he’s practically beaming at you but you.. just feel nauseous. “holy shit”

you spring up and run to the bathroom and lock yourself in. you hadn’t told him but you’d stashed a couple tests under the sink. you pulled every single one out and used all three.

he’s outside the bathroom door knocking repeatedly begging you to come out or let him in but you just sit on the floor too scared to look.

“bebe please come out”

“no”

“mi amor i will break this door down”

“don’t you dare”

you heard him sigh and slide down the wall to sit on the floor outside the door.

you wanted this. eventually. you were sure of it but you had expected it to be planned, you weren’t even off the pill yet.

your hands were trembling as you finally picked the test up and flipped the first one over.

and then the second

and then the third.

you sat on the floor a while longer to process. a few minutes later you finally open the door and his head turns to you, face full of concern. you put your hand on his shoulder so he doesn’t get up. you take a shaky breath and hand him the test

he takes it from your hand gently. his eyes widen as he reads it. he looks back up at you. your eyes are puffy you’d clearly been crying but before he can say something like “we have other options” “we don’t have to do this yet if you’re not ready” (which is exactly what he was about to say)

you look at him dead serious and threaten “if you baby me or smother me or try to keep me from working i will make you wish you were never born” but he isn’t even listening he just throws the test aside and pulls you down into his arms. you feel his shoulders shudder slightly

“miggy are you crying?”

he sniffles and looks down as you tip his face up with your hands

“aww mi cielo why are you crying”

“i just never thought i’d get another chance”

you wipe the tears from his face with your thumbs gently.

“well i guess we’re gonna have six kids now”

“six?”

“yeah”

he rolls his eyes even as another tear sneaks it’s way down his cheek “the spider teens are not our children”

“really? because we’ve essentially adopted all five of em”

“speak for yourself”

“oh come on migs i know you love em, even hobie”

“no.”

“mmmhm. i think i’m gonna ask him to be the godfather oo or maybe peter b”

his voice is firm but his face is soft and his eyes are still staring at you like you’re a real life angel he shakes his head gently “you will do no such thing cariño”

“don’t tell me you were planning on asking lego spider man”

“i-“

“god the attachment you have to that piece of plastic is concerning”

“don’t disrespect him like that”

————

the ending was not planned but it made me giggle and i hope you enjoyed

[creatingblackcharacters]

hi ice! im sorry that you're dealing with other stresses, please don't feel any pressure to answer this quickly or anything.

im wondering if you have any advice for a Black person overcoming a lot of internalized anti-Blackness? especially pertaining to feeling like a disappointment specifically for being Black (i struggle with feeling like i will ever be attractive to a partner because of it, even if theyre also Black), and presenting in a way that makes me happy (i want to grow out an afro but i get afraid of looking "too Black", same with wearing my durag and similar things). also are there any books that you would recommend for working through that, or even just learning about Black history (reading often helps me to logic myself out of negative thought patterns and feel inspired)?

thank you! sorry if this ask is too complicated/encompasses too much

Hi! Well first, I am sorry that you've lived a life and in a world that reinforces you to hate yourself. You do not deserve that, and I'm proud of you for asking for more, and I hope you one day live a life where you love yourself and recognize how much you deserve.

If it's okay, in addition to some resources, I could give you some pointers that I gained from my own life experience unlearning internalized antiblackness. It's not an easy or short process, and there's plenty of hard truths and happy truths. I am not the sweetest advice giver either, but I promise I mean well:

1. Release the Shackles of Respectability Politics!

I was already starting to really grow into my Black identity by undergrad (my family had at least tried to help me get there through my childhood) but what really cinched it for me was the state murder of Sandra Bland. Sandra Bland was everything "right"- multiple degrees, pretty, educated, in a historically Black sorority, a college educator, a woman who spoke up for justice. Respected in her community! She was everything I thought I was supposed to be!

And the police still captured her, beat her, and murdered her in her jail cell (and lied about it, and potentially posted a picture of her dead body as her mugshot) for the audacity to question them. She's still dead! She still wasn't "good" enough to live!

No amount of being a "good, well-behaved" Black will save you in a society where being Black itself is deemed a sin. So every time you get a thought where "this isn't what society wants" or "I'm embarrassed" or "if I do this, I'll look like a bad-" cut it off! Fuck em! IT'S NOT TRUE! Recognize that you could be the finest, richest person on the street and you'd still be just a n***a in many people's eyes. 🤷🏾‍♀️ Point blank. They don't like you for your racial identity. They can be racist to Barack Obama and Beyonce, and they sure can be racist to you lmao.

It's not about you, you are not the problem! James Baldwin himself once said that racism is the white man's problem. It's not your responsibility to make them "like" you and "not be disappointed", it's their responsibility to respect you as a human being regardless!

2. Take Back Your Autonomy

This ties into the first one. Let's all thank Lil Nas X for this one, bc he did for my bisexuality what I had to do on my own for my Blackness. 🙏🏾

If they hate you anyway, you might as well be your most authentic self 🤷🏾‍♀️

Don't die disappointed because you wanted to reach white acceptance. Don't do it. If they're gonna hate you suppressed, they might as well hate you out loud 🤷🏾‍♀️ it's your life! It's why I don't shut up about racism lmao. You already hated me, now we'll both be uncomfortable and imma speak 🤷🏾‍♀️

So when you wear that durag, or wear your afro, recognize that 1) there are people just like you who love how you look because you look like them, 2) you should love how you look period because you're who matters, and 3) the day I receive a check with an undisclosed amount of reparations on it is the day I'll sit and discuss allowing whiteness to designate how the fuck I'm suppose to wear my hair lmao (and the answer will still be no). 😤

3. Accept that you're worth it

It's going to be hard. Even by wearing your afro, your own natural hair, you are making a statement of pride in your Blackness, and everyone won't understand or respect that. That was one of my first steps in high school, was cutting off all my permed hair and loving my afro. I had to write affirmations that I read daily to love myself, I was so scared. But it was worth it. My hair is healthy and happy. I had to learn brown skin was beautiful. But once I did, I couldn't stop fawning over it, on myself and others.

There are people who live their lives told by society they are perfect. Why do they get to think they're beautiful, and you don't? They're not better than you, yet they can tell you that you should hate yourself. What gives them the right? Who do they think they are? Fight back! Accept that the fight is hard, but you're worth it! Your Blackness is beautiful, and it fought hard as fuck to make it this far- honor that by honoring yourself!

4. Find some community; dive deep into Blackness

This one is self explanatory. You're gonna have to be around Black people that love themselves. Surround yourself with it. Find things they do that you like. Learn to find love in it. It could be creative, political, hell even finding a hairstyles group that shows cute ways to wear your hair. That can be a way to grow more confident and try new things. (All skinfolk ain't kinfolk though, so be aware.) But being around Black people, who care about the same things you care about, and make you feel heard, will help break that... Mind space where you feel alone and wrong. Trust, if I didn't have other Black people on this site, I would go mad from people gaslighting me that the racism I was seeing wasn't real. You need some more of us around you that reinforce your love for us, and yourself.

Here is a long paper discussing internalized antiblackness; you said you like to read lol. It admittedly focuses on Black women, BUT it might also help to use the sources that they cite to go on your own journey regardless! You could also just surround yourself with bloggers and beautiful poems and Black creations. There's beauty in all of it, you gotta let yourself find it.

I hope this helps 🙏🏾

[pumpkinsy0]

Since Christmas eve is in t-minus 2 hours and 19 minutes, hcs for curly celebrating Christmas at the Curtis house?? Why is here there? Idk but he is!!

i made it to new jersey for christmas i am cold, tired, and ready to go

ik im late bc it IS christmas eve now but shhhhh

•ok look curly was rlly only over at their house for the heat, his house is already cold but around christmas its gets even chillier and he hates it, god damn it the curtis house better spare SOME heat

•may b the only time hes asking to sleep in the same bed as soda AND b in the middle of them so they can share body heat or somethin bc this cold is ridiculous man, scoot over curly was born in a tropical place he hates the cold so bad

•”hey have u tried THIS in ur hot chocolate” and its just some bs even he hasnt tried, he just wants to fuck up someones drink and see how crowded that cup can get he likes watching them force themselves drink it to not waste anything but its the curtis gang its also plausible they would drink it bc its actually good but it taste like shit to everyone else

•he pretended to b santa and kept patting his lap for pony to sit on it and tell “santa what he wanted for christmas”. backfired on him though bc two bit sat on his lap IMMEDIATELY after and hes wayyyy too heavy for curly, curlys legs felt like pure tv static afterwards

•hes so damn nosey, he likes snooping under the tree and trying to find out what everyone got, his hand has to get smacked away

•if its cold enough, hes totally licked a pole and had a bet w two and steve to see who could stay in the longest, he won but it almost costed him his tongue and near second degree burns to his face w boiling water from trying to get it off

•being around the curtis family being all familial makes curly feel bad about his own family so when theyre doing their own thing, curly shuffles his way outta there till hes pulled back in (by darry or pony mainly)

•since curlys a surprise guest, the gang try to get him a last minute present (rlly pony was gonna give it to him later but they all decided to just put their name on the gift and say it was from all of em, curly guessed it was from pony but admires the thought process they got goin

•the curtis gang still do elf on the shelf and curlys part of the duo who puts the poor elf in sexual positions, ur neverrrrr gonna guess who the other one is (its two bit)

•curly puts of parody of christmas carols, at first ur thinking “oh wow hes gonna sing such a classic song thats nice” and he fixes his lips to say the worst lyrics u will hear its mortifying, god forbid its modern time and u give him the speakers hes making everyone in the neighborhood listen

•it doesnt snow much in tulsa if ever but look curlys never seen snow for YEARS of his life, if its snowing outside he doesnt care how cold it is, he wants to go outside to mess around in it a lil bit, hes gotten a lil sick from it the day after cause he wasnt wearing his jacket which is rare but aye he had a lil bit of fun!! thats gonna wear off eventually tho, snow WILL lose its novelty

•most of his time is spent watching tv christmas specials, hes used to not rlly getting anything on christmas and theres nothing to do outside and the house is comfortable enough, ik his ass imprinted on that couch

•on top of that he controls the radio, the gang gotta give curly his flowers, he knows the good stations and songs, even if he didnt hes hogging the hell out of it

[imagionationstation]

22 and 25 please! 🛹 🎲 with Rise!Donnie and Raph

🛹 - I told you you couldn't do a kick flip! 🎲 - The most unlucky day

Raph knew this day had really taken a turn for the worst when Donnie left. It wasn’t as much the fact that he had left as it was how he left.

Fists clenched, eyes watering, and a bleeding scrape down his leg.

Their brothers’ laughter died when they saw his face. They only got a few seconds to process the new reaction to a wipe-out, and none of them were able to decide how to react before he went shooting into the sky at top speeds. Not entirely unexpected, Mikey and Leo immediately turned to him with wide eyes.

It took Raph a while to calm them down, ask for a portal back to the lair, and instruct them to hang back because “Raph’s got it”.

Those words seemed to calm them the most. And thankfully, neither followed when he stepped through the blue vortex.

He stepped in front of Donnie’s door, waited for it to close, and then knocked. Someone blew their nose. The voice croaked, “Go away.”

“But I came all this way.” Raph responded innocently, peeking at the knob. It’s unlocked, so he wants company. “I just wanna talk.”

“You want to comfort me.” Comes the grumpy voice. “I don’t want you to comfort me. Ergo, leave.”

“Yeeeaaaaah,” Raph twists the knob. “Raph’s not gonna do that.”

“You have to respect my wishes.”

“I’m the birthday boy.” He says brightly. The light’s off. He leaves it off and lets the outside light creep into the subway car. “So my wishes are more important than yours today.”

His eyes go to his leg. Blood has stained against the peeled skin. But it’s not still bleeding, so that’s good. There’s no way Donnie’s going to touch it while it looks like that. And he’s not going to let anyone else touch it while he’s high-strung. Hence, Big Brother comfort time.

“Just wanna talk.” He blatantly lies. “No comfort here.”

Donnie grunts disapprovingly into the pillow that he’s lifted to hide his face. He was probably hitting it against his head to rid the energy that still has his hands flexing around the cover.

As long as it’s not his fists…

“It wasn’t that bad of a wipe-out.” He says, somewhat awkwardly as he steps further into the room. “Don’t gotta be embarrassed.”

“Em notemberesed.” Donnie spits bitterly into his pillow. Raph sits next to him, smiling fondly. “Then why’d you run?”

A beat of silence. Donnie mumbles something that he doesn’t catch.

“Come again?” Raph leans closer. “Actually didn’t get that.”

Donnie tears the pillow from his face, throwing it against his lap. “I’m a dumb-dumb!” He glares, fingers digging into the casing. Raph sits up, getting out of reach of impending violence.

He doesn’t lash out. The fury dies some, and then he looks away. “Im a dumbest dumb-dumb and- and I’m ruining things!”

“Don’t talk about my brother like that.” Raph scolds importantly. “He deserves better.”

“I do not if that’s the truth.”

“Cite your sources.” Raph replies, because if it sounds sciencey then Donnie is more likely to open up than if it’s a feeling talk. “Because I don’t believe you.”

“Where have you been?” He snaps, slowly lifting each finger. “You caught me wrapping your gift, your cake had peanuts in it, the movie got lost, I forgot to tell dad about the celebration, April’s not here either, and now this!”

He dramatically gestures at his leg with his hands. Raph can’t help a light, “I told you you couldn't do a kick flip mid-ramp.”

Donnie shoves at him as he expects him too, freezes, and then immediately claws his hands back into the pillow as if to hide them. Guilt clouds his gaze as he glares across the room. “I ruined everything. I’m not ruining anything else.”

“Actually, you’re sources are based.” Raph pauses. “That’s not right. What’s that- that word when you’re like, when you’re judging something unfairly or, like, with your opinion without-“

“Biased.” Donnie interrupts, because he can’t help it.

Raph lights up. “Yeah! You’re biased-“

“I am not.”

“-because none of that was your fault. You told me not to go into the lab, the baker messed up the cake and we are going to sue because allergies aren’t real is stupid-“

Donnie nods solemnly. Confidently, Raph pushes on, “-movie got lost because Leo’s also stupid and forgot to put it away when you asked him too-“ He earns a firmer nod and a small smile, “-dad should have known it was my birthday and April was gonna be here but her mom surprised her by taking her out of town this week and you don’t argue with Mrs. O’Neil.”

Donnie sighs, “But it was my surprise.”

“And it was a great surprise!” Raph grins as the skeptical look. “And I love that you did this for me. We were at an actual extreme skate park! You did that!”

He flushes, “It wasn’t hard.”

“Uh, if it wasn’t hard to clear out an entire skatepark on a weekend afternoon, we would have done it already.” Raph shakes his head with big brother disapproval. “That’s awesome Donnie.”

“Just feels like today keeps going wrong.” Fingers kneed the pillow with less aggression. “I don’t wanna mess it up. Birthdays... Birthdays are important to you.”

“Like my birthdays would be any good if my little brothers weren’t a part of it.” Raph leans to wrap an arm around him, scooting him closer. Donnie cuddles into his side, refusing to look at him. “You’re trying to comfort me.”

“It’s my birthday.” Raph sing-songs. “Birthday means my wishes come truuuee. I want a birthday hug.”

“You are misusing wishes.” Donnie declares as he relaxes into the hold, pillow held to his chest. “But fine.”

And so Raph stays next to him, not about to drag Donnie back out before he’s ready, more than happy to have this moment sown in as a birthday memory. A phone dings and Donnie slowly pulls his out.

He abruptly shoots up, almost hitting Raph’s chin when he leans down to get a look, eyes shining as he gasps, “Dad’s got a cake! One of those ones from the Hidden City that taste exactly like peanut butter but with no real dangers!”

“ARE YOU SERIOUS?” Raph explodes, because he’s been dying for one of those but they couldn’t find a shop that had any. “OH MY GOSH!”

“OH MY GOSH!”

“OH MY GOSH!!”

Donnie scrambles off the bed. “We’re going back! Leo’s portaling him and then he’s grabbing us!” He snatches his board, shoves it into Raph’s hand, and then goes to get the first aid kit. “Hurry, hurry, hurry!” He also pushes that into Raph’s hands as he stims with renewed excitement. “Okay! That’s it? That’s it! Cake! Let’s go!”

Donnie goes to shove him towards the door and Raph eagerly throws it open. Leo’s there waiting for them. Mikey’s gawking at the box that their smug dad holds and Raph scoops Donnie up to charge through.

“This party’s back on!”

Two prompts restricted me so hard but I DID IT!! Not proud of it but I am satisfied. Good job me 👍

[ellestrade]

I've scrolled through your posts (maybe creepy but who cares im lovin em). Loved your posts about the Al Ghuls!

And I'm wondering what you think about the Dick/Talia beef? I personally find it hilarious that Dick has beef with the one who gave birth to Damian, one of the people he loves and cherishes very much

Hi anon, thank you for the compliment!

Anyhow, regarding your question, I don't think that Dick's hostility towards Talia doesn't revolve around Damian— not at first, at least. Of course, the hate could've been amplified when Damian came to light, though until then it was pretty tame in comparison. Or not, I don't know which would be funnier.

Also, I'm going to direct you to @rasalghul777 , again, because I believe that they're more adverse in this than I am when it comes to the complex relationship between Talia and pretty much all other characters, stressing on Brutalia. However, since this is in regards to my opinion, I'll try to put things into perspective. So take this with a grain of salt.

Anyhow, Dick has shown to dislike Talia early on. This is because, considering that she's an antagonist (her father is among Barman's Rogues' Gallery, if I'm not mistaken, as he was one of the main villains) Dick sees that she's a bad influence to Bruce— since this man was madly in love with Talia at the time to the point it's unhealthy for him (one of the main reason why Talia faked her miscarriage and gave Damian away in the original run of his appearance), and vice versa.

(BruTalia my beloved, BruTalia my Roman empire)

So much, in fact, that Bruce did not hesitate when it comes to choosing between her and his own ward, that being Dick at the time.

While I could be wrong, this is the context that I've gathered from this panel 🤷🤷 though I honestly doubt so.

It could also be read as the "Children not wanting to trust their parents' spouse" type of thing, which is hilarious on its' own accord.

It also doesn't help that they have fundamental disagreement from the get-go— their clashed beliefs makes it difficult for them to meet eye-to-eye.

Dick doesn't owe Talia anything, similar to how Talia doesn't owe Dick anything; he doesn't have to try to understand her, nor does she have to prove anything to him. He's entitled to hate her just as she's entitled to hate him. That hate was very much mutual between them.

(Which, when you think about it, is the same exact argument people brought up when justifying Tim's hostility towards Damian. But I don't want to go too off tangent, so that's a conversation for another day.)

However, when Damian came along, you could imagine that Dick's hatred towards Talia would be amplified ten-fold— while it's possible that he doesn't necessarily see Talia as a stereotypical bad mother (mostly for Damian's sake, and the boy insisted that she wasn't) it was difficult for him to see her as an actual decent one too.

I feel like Dick would be more inclined to blame Talia more on Damian's upbringing; even though it was (heavily, sorta) implied that Talia herself wasn't allowed to see Damian, let alone raise him back in the League.

It's worth mentioning that Dick isn't an all-knowing being. He couldn't've known, and having an actual conversation with Damian regarding his upbringing is a delicate process in itself, but he does recognize Talia as a parental figure in Damian's life and would, therefore, instinctively blame her for the majority of Damian's issues.

Though Dick eventually learns to distribute the hate equally on both parents 🤷🤷🤷 I found that to be more comical compared to a one-sided hate.

Dick: I hate both of you, I really do. You both belong together, because then the world would have to worry about two less horrible people.

Dick: But thank you for the child. I love him. He's mine now.

Bruce and Talia: ?????????

However, when push comes to shove, Dick would still (albeit begrudgingly) team up with Talia. Funnily enough, I always see it that Dick would rather side with Talia more than he would Bruce— because fuck if she doesn't have an actual reason to have a complicated relationship with Damian. Bruce has raised, like, 5 kids and couldn't figure out his teenage son? A 14 year old boy with crippling anxiety??? Get outta here.

All in all, I think both Dick and Talia would have that one relationship like two bitter grandma's who hated each other, but would still attend to the same tea party within punching distance if their beloved grandchild asked.

At least Talia would only suffer from glares. Dick would actually tackle Bruce.

[mythicalmyles]

Thinking of bully x male reader

Like :

Bully & reader get each other as partners for a project.

They go to reader's house to do the project & bully tries to find something abt reader to embarrass em and actually finds a lingerie or skirt idek lol

Hope ayato kirishimas okay 😭 im testing somethings oke, kind of an au Ayato’s still a ghoul but like hes in school for some reason (we love an educated king)

18+ dubcon, humiliation, sub/bottom reader, primal(?), blackmail,

Disappointment shot through your stomach as your name was called alongside Ayato’s. You had hoped that with being 18 and in your last year that things would change, it would seem that wasnt the case.

Ayato’s cold eyes glared into yours, he seemed pretty mad about it. You exhaled through your nose as you nervously stood and gathered up your stuff, shoving books into your backpack as you quickly zipped around and made your way over to Ayato.

Fear flooded you as you shyly made your way to the seat next to him, anxiety flowing through your veins like a winter spring. You barely lifted your head the entire way, looking at your legs as you sat next to Ayato. it was the most uncomfortable experience for thirty minutes neither of you spoke, yet you could feel those lifeless blue eyes glaring holes into you.

Once you were dismissed you both stood up, Ayato close behind you and causing goosebumps to run over your body. “We’re going to your house.” You couldn’t find the words so you nodded your head, you didn’t know why he wanted to go to your place. But it was a fight you knew you’d lose, so instead you guided him all the way to your home.

The fact he walked a few steps behind you unnerved you, almost feeling as if you were being hunted down. Like a little mouse blind to the cat right behind him, ready to pounce.

You swallowed a thick chunk of air as you pushed your door open, already knowing the house to be empty. You threw the keys onto the side table, the metal clanking harshly against the wood a drawing a wince from you. “Uhm, feel free to si-sit anywhere.” You managed to force out, shaking words Ayato did not miss. “Do you… want anything?” Despite asking a question Ayato’s deep voice threw you off, staring dumbly at him mouth gaped. A smirk took over his face. “Coffee.” He repeated, your head nodding as you turned and quickly made your way into the kitchen.

Your lips parted as you sucked in air, almost gasping with the suffocating air around you and Ayato. He wasn’t as bad as he had been when you were younger but being around him kept you on edge, body tense and nervous. The sound of the kettle boiling drowned any sound as you mindlessly carried on with the task at hand.

You carried the steaming cups back through to the livingroom, brain blanking as you processed the fact Ayato was gone. You quickly dropped the mugs onto the table and bolted upstairs, eyes widening as you noticed your bedroom door wide open.

You quickly made your way to it, mouth dropping in horror as Ayato rifled through your drawers. He had a mean smirk and a quirked brow when he turned to you, your skirt dangling from his fingers. Flight kicked in but before you could blink Ayato’s arm had wrapped around your waist, easily throwing you across the room and onto your bed.

A loud gasp left you, flinched as Ayato threw the skirt at you. “Put it on. Wouldn’t want everyone knowing about your little secret.” His voice was rough and sent shivers running up your spine, teeth gnawing on your lip as your hands almost too eagerly began yanking your jeans off. Ayato’s eye’s barely left you, bar a moment to grab thigh highs and throw them next to you. It took you a moment before you could fumble your socks on, ayato grabbing the last one and yanking it up your leg. He grinned down at you, hands running up your thighs.

You stared at eachother for a moment before Ayato shot forwards, connecting your lips as his tongue push into your moth. You couldn’t help but whimper under him, his body pressing you to the bed and the sound of his ragged breathing filling your ears.

It felt intoxicating kissing Ayato, one of his hands wrapped around your neck while the other roamed your body. You pulled away from him, world pausing as (e/c) eyes met red and black. Ayato panted as he stared you down, eyes pinning you in place.

You couldn’t find it in you to be surprised, it almost felt hotter, knowing the hands currently wrapped around your neck and playing with your nipple. Knowing he’d definitely hurt someone before sent heat to your cock, his own sliding against yours, jeans causing friction as your hips messily ground against eachother.

Ayato’s lips made their way to your neck, his hands moving to your hips and sliding to pull your ass cheeks apart. Your body felt hot and overwhelmed, mind swirling as Ayato slid two fingers into you, a strangled moan tearing from your lips as your back arched. Eyes cocking as he slammed his digits into you. “Fuck, so tight. Bet you’d taste delicious.” All you could do was stare at him slack jawed, your socked thighs gripped his hips like a lifeline.

“No idea how long ive wanted to stick my cock into you, fuck you stupid.” Ayato growled his words out, long fingers hitting deep enough to send your eyes rolling and cock twitching. Ayato didn’t last long before ripping his fingers out, hands quick to flip you over and line his cock up.

“Be a good boy and swallow me up, huh?” You choked as he began sliding his cock in, stretching you out and making your inside seize up. “Fuck relax, too tight.” Ayato groaned out, thumbs rubbing gently against your hips. It took a moment to relax, Ayato wasting no time in burying as deep as he could. You screamed out his name as he began thrusting deep, head throwing back as he railed against your prostate. “Fuh-fuck Ayato, so good.” You moaned out, arching letting him slide deeper.

Ayato’s groans filled your ears along with your own pitched moans, mind blanking as he took you at an inhuman pace. It wasn’t long before your toes curled, body curling in as your orgasm fast approached. Ayato let out a growl, his teeth clamping down on your shoulder. His body weight pinned you to the bed, a scream leaving your throat as your vision whited out. One of Ayato’s hands entwined with yours, his other wrapping around your waist and keeping you pinned as he filled you with his load.

Both of you fell apart panting, you shut your eyes as you tried to calm your breathing, mind still reeling from the earth shattering orgasm that just wracked your bones. “You tell anyone, i mean anyone and i will kill you.” You let out a breathy chuckle, Ayato’s words full of heat and yet unaffecting.

[reegis]

Yo! Do you have any notes/tips for your coloring process? I've always had trouble with that part of drawings looking good lmao and I really like yours! If not for your specific style, do you have any tips with that in general?

Iv gotten a few asks about how I color but iv always avoided answering because

A) I am absolutely awful at explaining things, and

B) I am a very Very lazy artist you should probably Not do the things that I do

BUT i feel bad gatekeeping(?) my horrible technique if it helps anybody ig ill try and explain so

✨✨✨Welcome to Reegis’ Probably Not Reputable (But Very Long Winded) Art Advice✨✨✨✨

line art of a random character for the example, just pic whatever colors you have in mind for your base colors, you can try using palette generators or basing it off of existing palettes/characters/whatever I have absolutely no idea how color theory works (& this is why you shouldnt listen to me) so im solely going off of vibes. but it is Rough so onto step 2 & 3

(edit to add i usually start off with the skin hair & clothes on separate clipping layers and merge them together towards the end.. i think i forgot to say that at all here oops)

I abuse the hellll out of layer blending modes. overlay, saturation & multiply mainly, but also difference, brightness & screen. (just doodle something & try all of em out to get a feel for them honestly ik theres a Lot and they can be intimidating) for this i just wanted a more cohesive warmer tone to start with so i added a peachy overlay & a slight ombré to the hair to add a bit more interest to the character.

then just the most basic of rendering, some blush & highlights just wherever i think theyd go.

Another thing they tell you Not to do, my next step is to block out all my shading in a vaguely purpleish multiply layer!!! i cant be assed to do it any other way im sorry…. once i have the basic shading down, i lock the layer & go in with air brush eraser & also airbrush in other colors wherever I think the purple is maybe too harsh/clashing

still wasnt 100% happy with the colors so messed around with some more layer filter/modes/whatever you call them then colored in my line art! i think this is honestly the saving grace for all of my art shshsdhhf color your lines people. doesnt have to be all (i dont, i like the contrast) but it usually helps to make some at least a little less harsh

then with a little more color tweaking im done! one random sleepy dude, fully colored (by my standards)

and then if a piece needs more dramatic lighting you justttt

im so serious play around with layer settings! these are just basic multiply & add(glow), there as so many others you can abuse the shit out of & nobody will know or care in your finished piece.

was this?? in any way helpful???? I hope so.

[lucyvaleheart]

i think you're very cool and kind! i know things aren't always easy for you, i see your vent posts, but u deserve so much appreciation. I think you're doing well. Please take care of youself ♥

awrrrrr

tthnk u 🥺 i try not to make them too often but. god sometimes i just need to yell into a void i know i can be heard from

....fuck it, you know what- anti-vent post here

things ARE improving for me. I've got a new place, I'm fully moved in, tons of my stuff is set up.... a bunch of friends who i love so dearly came by to help me do that, and just today I'm going to a little party with em; ystrday had some fun with another friend hanging out....

ive been taking my meds consistently! i have a few i need to refill....but what i have, i haven't missed a dose in ages! im trying a new arthritis medication as of Thursday, too- one that would, if it works, switch me from weekly injections to one every 3 months!

ive been getting lots of really good updates on my disability applications- they're about to schedule me for a free x-ray, and then they should move the process along pretty quick....and my assistance for in-the-meantime is about to be finished and come through

... Im still not the best at eating regularly- but my fridge is stocked, mostly frozen foods but they are there, cuz i have reliable food stamps and medical coverage

.............so as much as there's definitely still a lot of bad, there's also been a lot of good that it's just very hard to see sometimes

I'm incredibly lucky and fortunate in so many ways and even if not everything is perfect i know it'll get there....probably

... Thank you for the ask 🥺

[coavill]

You’re The Reason

Bucky Barnes Fluff Drabble

• pairing : Bucky Barnes x Reader

• warnings : NO usage of Y/N, gender neutral? could be…, petname (doll)

• inspired by the song :

Tossing and turning, you have been trying to sleep since God knows when… 4 hours ago?…

That was it, you’ve had enough. With a loud huff, you got up from bed, turning on the dim lights beside you to give enough lighting for you to walk out of your room. Glancing at the clock, your eyes widens. It was 3AM.

You walked out of your not-so-comfortable-right-now bedroom and entered the compound’s kitchen. Your heart dropped when you saw a figure leaning on the counter, only to be greeted with his blue eyes gleaming in the dark.

“Bucky?”

He stared broodingly, until he realized that it was just you. You turned a few lights on, dimming the room, and that’s when you saw Bucky clearly. He was holding a glass of Tony’s obviously expensive whiskey. His body was sweaty, with slightly shaky breath. You felt so sorry for him, he has always had these nightmares of times when he was held hostage by HYDRA. It was traumatic, for sure. He would give everything to not have those nightmares ever again.

“What are you doing here? It’s 3 in the morning..” He furrowed his brows. It’s not usual for you to stay up this late.

“Can’t sleep.. You?”

“Yeah, me too”

“Nightmares?” You asked, feeling worried.

“Mhm” He answered with a slight nod.

There was a delicate moment of silence for a while, before you took some tissues and about to wipe the remaining sweat he had.

“Can i?” You asked before getting the answer of him nodding. You knew it was weird to treat him like this, but you just felt the need to do so. You felt the eagerness to help him just a little bit.

Oh God, how he stared at you the whole time.. You would have him right there and right now. You’ve always found him attractive, ever since you joined the Avengers. But you never had the boldness to approach him since he just never talks to anyone unless it’s essential.

“Thanks..” A small mumble came out of his mouth.

Shoot, there we go. Another silence moment passes by. You both didn’t know what to talk about, until you casually said “Y’know, those kind of drinks are bad for you. I know you drink them a lot”

“Yeah, I know” He answered coldly and took another sip of the whiskey.

Ugh, you knew he has always been this cold. But tonight you just wanted him to talk normally, excitedly like what people do. You quickly brushed off the thoughts and said

“Just, don’t drink ‘em too much”

He stared at the wall or whatever and did not reply, not a single word.

You finally gave up and you were about to go back to your bedroom, when you suddenly felt a grip on your wrist.

“Hey..”

You looked at him with a questioning look. He didn’t say anything and just put his glass of whiskey on the counter. You didn’t have time to think about what the next thing that would happen.

He placed his metal arm on your waist, the other on the nape of your neck. He pulled you in and kissed you delicately. The sensation of your lips touching, you couldn’t process what was happening but the blood rushing all over your face. He felt no reply from you and was starting to panic, but you then gave the feedback he wanted. You placed both of your hands on his shoulder, tiptoeing, closing your eyes to enjoy what you two have wanted for so long. Time passed and you both pulled back.

“Are you using a strawberry lip balm?”

You totally didn’t expect that to be the first thing Bucky said.

“Yeah, why?”

“Your lips, they taste so sweet”

Totally, you were sure you are as red as a tomato right now. You hid your face and refused to even give a glance at him.

“Hey, look at me” He placed his finger on your chin and turned your face to look at him.

“Doll..”

He took a deep breath before continuing,

“Im sorry, i’ve wanted to do this for so long. It was the first glance of you. I fell in love with you at first sight. I understand if you’re clearly not happy about it and… I’m sorry i kissed you just now, if you want to avoid me it’s totally okay-“

You realized that he was shaking. You quickly put your hands on both of his cheeks and kissed him once more.

Woah, how it felt like the stars were surrounding you two. It’s like a dream come true..

“Bucky.. I love you too. Ever since i laid my eyes on you for the first time. But i wasn’t brave enough to approach you. You gave me the intimidating vibe, y’know?” I chuckled

His eyes were suddenly awake, not sleepy anymore. It’s like the world has turned 180 degrees against him. He hugged you and buried his face on your neck, he felt safe with you, and he would give everything to be with you just for a moment. At last, he was glad that he was given that moment.

“So…?” You teased.

“I’ll stop drinking, if you want me to” He answered.

“No, silly. I meant it as in ‘So, are we together now?’” A chuckle came out from you.

“Yeah, of course” He exclaimed like it was the most obvious thing. Before he continued,

“But i mean it though, I’ll stop drinking, for you” He grinned sheepishly.

You smiled and answered

“Don’t do it for me, but rather do it for yourself, Buck”

“But doing it for myself is doing it for you, because you’re the missing part of me” He said with a smug face.

“Cheesy guy” you laughed, before he carried you to the couch, to do God knows what.