#tonya reads books

[lilbreck]

Sister, Maiden, Monster: Chapter 0-2

author: Lucy A. Snyder

Warning ahead for some body horror, capitalism horror (y'all know that's a real thing), medical malpractice, and light cannibalism. There will be so many spoilers. Yes, I'm putting in a read more tag for that.

Chapter 0

This book so far gets points for not taking long to jump into the first character coming down with PVG. And it's brutal from the get go. It didn't turn my stomach (probably because I read a lot of body horror and was prepared), but it did make me squirm in sympathy.

Chapter 1

When Erin thought about her then-boyfriend or whatever giving her genital warts the first time they slept together... I would have thought you should see that as a bad omen. I don't know that this guy is going to be an ass, but she didn't mention him when we were in her apartment before the flashback to the asylum, so I'm assuming he ditched the woman he had planned to marry. Yes, I'm judgy.

Speaking of the flashbacks, we're getting out first taste of the not normal body horror. Normal would be the violent vomiting from Chapter 0. This chapter we get teeth growing in strange pores on the tongue. We don't only get hit with body horror, there's also the real life horror of capitalism:

"And even though I'm chronically ill, and chronically a danger to my community and myself, the world still expects people like me to make it to work on time."

I see someone took notes during the heights of the pandemic.

I'm pretty sure the dream at the end of chapter 1 laid out what was going to be happening in the book and I am here for it.

Chapter 2

I'd bet good money that all the forms they had Erin sign as soon as she came to game them permission to feed her human blood and brains. I'd also bet good money that they knew damn good and well that she wasn't coherent enough to read, let alone understand what she was signing. Are we even worthy of survival as a species when we willingly give up our humanity like that? I know that kind of thing has happened, and continues to happen today, and my question still stands.

I'm gonna close the book for the night (restraint! I have it!), but I'll leave you with this dark little quote:

And in the back of my diseased mind, a perversion of a children's song echoed:

Brains, brains, the magical meat. The worse you feel, the more you eat. The more you eat, the more vicious you get. Brain eaters are the wors't kind of threat!

[justbeingedgy]

do you ever just dive back into a piece of media that shaped 99% of the person you've become since childhood?

[protagonistspub]

Beaches, Bungalows, & Burglaries by Tonya Kappes

Beaches, Bungalows, & Burglaries by Tonya Kappes is the first book in the Campers & Criminals series. It is a cozy mystery and is available on Kindle Unlimited. Mae West, recently divorced from a man indicted by the FBI for financial crimes, and gone like a puff of smoke in the wind are the millions and the cushy lifestyle to which she had become accustomed. Now all that is left is the…

[violetwhisperswolfstar]

The Evolution Of A Wolfstar Girlie

(with my fic recommendations)me aged 10-23: there will never be a book I like more than Harry Potter. I love books and read all the time but Harry Potter is above anything. Reread HP everytime I am feeling down.

me aged 24-30: I lost the ability to read for pleasure. Just read to my kids and A LOT for work.

me at 31: *after a random tiktok video* Sirius and Remus were TOGETHER together?! Never even crossed my mind!!!

But... I get it.

But like... JKR didn't write it. Fanfic is just amateurs writing, right? I have enough of reading as is, I have to read for my job (I'm a translator).

But... They promised it's a HP experience. And I do have an eReader... It costs nothing to try it.

But... What the hell is ao3? What is smut??? Fluff??? HEA? MCD??? Cannon?? AU? Excuse me, is this English?!

The following then happend over 2 months time:

📖 Reading All the Young Dudes

OK, this is really very much like HP. I am getting hooked. This is ACTUALLY what happend, right? Like this is amazingly written. How is this not a real book? (What IS a real book and how do I not know this being a book translator?!) Are Sirius and Remus getting together in this one?

Oh my!

Actually, I've not been this obsessed with a book in like 10+ years.

Reading all through the night (with three kids, mind you, so a very stupid idea)

🎶Love this music!!! Have always loved rock, Queen, Beatles, Bowie, led Zeppelin… You name it. But this makes it better!!!

Finishing ATYD: OMG! OMG! I AM OBSESSED. They need to be together forever. I need to re-read it.

A SEX SCENE in Harry Potter?! EXCUSE YOU! Like… Didn't know I needed that. Thank you.

Of course they had teenage sex at that school. Yes to a giant snake killing people with its sight and no to some friendly petting? Yeah, sure, JKR! Be for real! Never thought about it like that before. And of course they had parties. And smoked (weed) and did drugs. Like… It's a boarding school for heaven's sake! this is much more realistic. Finally know what smut is and I am here for it.

I want a cigarette SO BAD right now (haven't smoked for YEARS)

googling specifics of gay sex because I never thought about it (and I live in a very conservative country) (and like I had QUESTIONS, excuse you, like can you just do butt stuff without prep?!)

finding 📖 explicit one-shots from ATYD

📖 Reading ATYD sirius's POV:

This is ALSO good. So... fanfics on the internet can just... be amazing, right? How has this existed for years and I did not know about it?? Sirius is obsessed LOL. He fell first and he fell harder, the poor boy.

My husband is SO MUCH like Remus. (personality-wise). Guess I know my type, lol.

These fanfics are written better than majority of books I've read. I'm utterly amazed.

📖 Reading Out of the Blue and Bootleg Tapes:

OK, I needed some healing. Happy for Grant and all. But I need wolfstar more.

📖 We could be heroes (finding out what a "fix-it fic" is)

Yes! Wolfstar endgame! A happy ending! Yes!!

Intrusive thoughts: Is ATYD wolfstar like… toxic?

Are they ever happy?

Don't go there, brain!!

Trying to heal with 📖Manacled, then DMATMOOBIL.

Like Dramione. But wolfstar is far superior.

Also have to note that Draco is amazing in bed.

Not a sentence I've ever thought I utter or think. Ever.

Finding 📖 Cadence Of Part-time Poets

sceptical.

How can muggle AU be good? Don't I like all this because of the magic?

Reading it, re-reading it.

Buying an e-cigarette (cause I have to DEAL ffuck's sake and they smoke in like every second scene and ecigarrete is the least of all evil)

Obsessing.

Cannot get enough.

Best. Thing. Ever. Written.

Somehow more magic than magic U.

DOES REGULUS LIKE JAMES?

Seeing the possibilities of Jegulus (is everyone gay in the end? Excuse me, Am I GAY at this point ?)

THE MUSIC OMG THE MUSIC IS MUSICING!!! I am in love with the music! How are Marauders not a band in cannon?! Like that's obviously what they were always supposed to be! Lottie, Simon, Tonya, Tomny… They ARE cannon for me lol. They were there and you cannot convince me otherwise.

Cannot read more, afraid I will lose this Cadence feeling. Just re-reading the best scenes over and over. Stalking motswolo's tumblr. Consuming all there is about Cadence out there. Trying to talk to people about it but noone reads fanfics here!

Can we like start a gofund me for them to get therapy??? I want to see them diagnosed, aware of their traumas and forever together.

Also, why is Remadora a thing? Thank god it wasn't in Cadence (yet) but sometimes i remember it exists and like… vomit internally. Gosh, I rly hate JKR. She just did it to discourage Wolfstar.

getting to read 📖 Black Mass Over Highway 90:

Very sceptical at first.

It's American… and Marauders are essentially English. Remus somewhere in Texas… of all places? Afraid this won't be my cup of tea... Cowboy Remus?! wtf

OMG.

OMG.

This scene basically porn… right? Why do I LOVE THIS?!

Remus is DADDY! Officer Moons!!! He can get it. Like omg. Cowboy Lupin FTW!!

THIS IS the SMUT, RIGHT?! Like do I even want to watch porn at this point? How am I - a cis female in a hetero relationship of 14 years with 3 kids - finding this SO HOT?!

📖 Reading Blends

Also very sceptical.

But... it's so sweet! Is this fluff? Am I discovering fluffy fics? Now, this is comfort reading! Coffe-shop AU? Like, this is where I want to die, my friends! This is so sweet, so incredibly sweet, and I DO NOT miss Voldy and his stupid war one bit, like to hell with him, he can order an Americano and Remus will decaf him at this point!

I am in LOVE!

📖 Reading Names (Blends sequel) because can you do anything else at this point?

Now this is... a whole other thing. It is fluffy, yes. But it goes deeper. And... wider somehow?

It's the first WIP I give a chance.

Cluster headaches are an AMAZING parallel to lycantrophy.

HOW exactly are people this talented just out there publishing fanfics?!

And this "slice of life" thing IS doing it for me. Like really.

📖 Reading Crimson Rivers

Is there anything else besides angst in this?

Wait, James likes... Regulus?!

discovering Jegulus -

wow. I am utterly amazed... cannot put this down at any point of the day. Reading while breastfeeding, reading all through the night. Reading all through the day. Learning how to read and braid my hair at the same time.

I keep thinking - why DO I love gay man/boys stories? How did it come to this? How is this FREE? How do I GIVE BACK to these AMAZING authors that are just doing incredible things for me? Like this is everything I've ever wanted from a book... and they're not even getting paid for this?!

📖 Reading a bunch of short fics inbetween (honorable mentions: Like Real People Do, That's the Art of Getting by, Led by Light of a Star Sweetly Gleaming, Pages of You - discovering Drarry, thinking Drarry is less angst because there's less homophobia in the 90s,

📖 Reading Only the Brave

OK, it's Jegulus, let's give it a chance...

OMG

OMG

OMG

I feel like ever since getting into this fandom, I'm just falling and falling and falling. Falling... In love.

This is so good, you guys. I love JEGULUS!

But as long as WOLFSTAR are together, I can deal (took them half a fic to get together, so please don't do anything stupid!)

I. CANNOT. STOP. READING. WOLFSTAR.

In every universe.

Wolfstar & fanfic taught me not to have any prejudice. And I also discovered that I was quite prejudiced without being aware of it!

I can read anything with those two... just don't break my heart and just let them be together.

Wolfstar made me read again and actually enjoy it. It's been several thousands of pages in a couple of months and I don't regret the lack of sleep…

They are soulmates. In every universe. I don't know what this fetish is called but I need them to be together, see them together, read them together. Love them both. Just need them to be happy.

I am completely amazed at the sheer power the internet has, that an online community has. This is my new obsession and I am utterly devoted to it. It taught me and gave me SO MUCH. I will forever be learning how to give anything back.

Thank you.

[tomatoland]

Force & Book's relationship is quintessential gardener-flower relationship

So the idea of the gardener-flower dynamic is not new. It's actually been around for awhile now and has been in media (for example, season 1 of Will & Grace, the movie "I, Tonya," Will Smith made a video called "Defining Love" talking about it, but more about this in a sec), articles, etc.

It's a concept that in every relationship or “garden,” one person is the gardener who tends and one person is the flower who gets tended to. There can also be two gardeners in a relationship, but never two flowers because then no one would care to tend to anything.

In their relationship, Force is the gardener and Book is the flower. And they understand this too. Force is Book's “Life Master,” right?

Force's efforts in the early days as the gardener of their relationship are well documented in the FB fandom. How he nurtured their relationship and connection when Book was too scared to engage during Enchante era due to a painful friend experience in college.

But it's not just nurture, love and care that the gardener provides to the flower and their relationship and this next part is where I think Force is an amazing and natural gardener with Book.

"The relationship that a gardener has with a flower is, the gardener wants the flower to be what the flower is designed to be — not what the gardener wants the flower to be. You want the flower to bloom and to blossom and to become what IT wants to be, you want it to become what God designed it to be. You’re not demanding that it become what you need it to be for your ego.” -Will Smith

Whatever Book does, Force is his Number 1 supporter.

"Geng mak" or good job/well done is the unofficial foxmochi cheer because Force is always telling Book this after he performs or speaks or even illogically when they are playing on separate teams lol.

Book's love language is words of affirmation and Force always lets Book know because he knows this. And now Book tells Force this back. And foxmochis tell them both at events and appearances.

You might think this dynamic is unfair or unbalanced to the gardener because you would think that being flower is easy. The flower just exists and receives love and attention, but these were interesting insights I read about why being the flower can actually be hard. First, you have accept that you are the flower which is not so easy to do, accepting the care and nurture being given to you. It can be scary and intimidating to do the introspection, soul searching, and cliff jumping required to be the flower. There can be this fear that what you are doing is bringing down your partner. Sound a little like someone?

To me, it makes absolute sense that ForceBook as a pairing is flourishing this year because Book is truly coming into his own as the flower Force always knew he could be.

The more confident Book becomes in his abilities, in sharing his gifts with the world, the more people will see him and come to love him, to love THEM. And as a pairing, the more successful they'll be. Their star is rising sharply and while there are a lot of people in the background who contribute to this, I have to think that Force's role as the gardener to Book's flower factors significantly.

"And, as we grow, we’ll all be called upon to do some gardening of our own. Gardening that, because we’ve experienced love and care and support from others, we’ll inevitably be better at doing ourselves."

And we're now seeing this. This year was ForceBook's first LOL Fan Fest, first international fan meetings, and GMMTV fan days where they had to give speeches. And if you watch, during ments, when Force gets emotional, Book's hand always goes to Force's shoulder IMMEDIATELY as a sign of support like "I'm here for you/ Standing with you" and this helps ground Force enough so he can continue speaking (I can't find a photo rn so accept this placeholder until). Or the story they shared where they were both nervous while prepping for their first LOL Fan Fest and Force would come around and ask Book if Book wanted a hug… because Force wanted a hug. Force's love language is physical touch by the way if you couldn’t tell lol.

Or when they're doing an event or press and Force is tired or not feeling 100, Book will be MORE that day for the both of them or he'll check in on Force during interviews or press.

This unspoken dialogue and understanding they have between each other is really beautiful.

Force, I would say is still the primary gardener of their relationship, but now he doesn't always have to be. They can take turns supporting each other to be the best versions of themselves. And I love that for them.

eng trans from happyduckie_, CreamsicleBlair, ceci9697, khenhsdiary, minty_licious; articles 1 2 3 "Defining Love"

[the-himawari]

A3! Citron - Translation [SSR] MANKAI Memory (2/3)

*Please read disclaimer on blog

---

Citron: (There’s an old cassette tape here…) (…As I thought, it looks the exactly like the cassette tape I left in Zafra.)

*flashback starts*

Citron: <…Phew. This book was also a page turner.> <Which novel should I read next…> (…? There’s something that’s not a book at the end of the bookshelf.) (These are… I’ve seen them in a book before. Let’s see. I think they were called a radio cassette player and a cassette tape.) (They should be able to play music. Gee, I wonder what kind of sounds are on this cassette tape.) (…Just a little bit won't hurt…)

Citron: <I think you insert the cassette tape into the radio player. Where do you put it in? Hmm…> <Maybe you press a button? Here… or maybe here? Ah, it opened!> <Huh? The cassette tape won’t go in. Maybe it’s facing the wrong way? How about this? Or like this… yay, it went it.> (This has to be the start button. Let’s try pressing it.)

Radio cassette player: “That’s easier said than done!”

Citron: <…! Wow, it’s Japanese…!> (Several people are talking. Are these voices… acting?) (That’s so cool…!) (They’re talking so fast, I can barely keep up. But I’d like to be able to understand what they’re saying.)

-pause-

Citron: (…Okay. Let’s listen to the Japanese cassette tape again today.) (Ever since I found this radio player and cassette, I’ve gotten into the habit of listening to it between my royal studies.) (I’m listening to it in secret just in case. But no one has seen me, and I’m sure I won’t get in trouble.)

Radio cassette tape: “Yes, leave it to me.”

-pause-

Citron: (It was worth listening to this tape so many times. I’m beginning to understand it little by little. Fufu, that makes me happy.)

Radio cassette player: “Roger that!”

Citron: <Japanese has a lot of interesting words.> (…No one’s around, right?) <Alright… ahem.> That’s… breezier said than done!* <Ohh…! My pronunciation was pretty good there, was it not? Alright, next is…> You… you can’t bite on an empty stomach!** …Fufu! <I’d love to go to Japan one day…>

*flashback ends*

Citron: (I owe a lot to that radio player and cassette tape.)

Guy: <Citronia. Is there something that caught your interest?>

Citron: <…Yes. I have something I’d like Mika to find quickly. I must contact him right away.>

---

*The original phrase is そうは問屋が卸さない (souwa tonyaga orosanai: that’s easier said than done). Instead of 問屋 (tonya), Citron says うどん屋 (udonya)

**The original phrase is 腹が減っては戦ができぬ (haragahettewa ikusaga dekinu: you can’t fight on an empty stomach) . Instead of stomach (腹: hara), Citron says chives (ニラ: nira)

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[angrypeacepoetry]

────☆────

⋆A little about me⋆

I'm 6teen so please don't interact if you are a porn blog or overall just a weirdo with a disgusting page and wanna talk to young girls just don't add or talk to me not interested you'll be getting reported and blocked+ I'm here to make friends! 15-17

⋆What i like⋆

⋆I love watching the walking 🧟‍♀️ (my all time favorite) +the outsiders,stand by me,Jennifer's body,dirty dancing,lost in translation, virgin suicides, lady bird, black swan,last night in soho,Christiane f, Leon, pearl,X,maxxxine, I, tonya, Buffalo '66,mid 90s, white oleander,palo alto, the edge of seventeen Rumble fish, the lost boys,10 things i hate about you,running on empty,little nikita,Prozac Nation(and many more i wish I can name them all)⋆

⋆I love reading too personally my favorite book is my year of rest and relaxation + i also love writing poetry + sketching +painting

⋆Music: MAZZY STAR, fiona 🍎,the Sundays, the cranberries, Fleetwood mac, Hole, cigarettes after sex, coco and clair clair, mars argo,montell fish, Sade, (honestly I listen to whatever sounds good to my ears)⋆

⋆Favorite colors⋆ purple,light and hot pink, white,black, navy blue,dark red

⋆My blog is about my interests and what relates to me or i just post random shit and thoughts⋆

⋆facts about me⋆

I love collecting stuffed animals and Purses

I collect vintage vinyl records

I have vitiligo

People say im a good listener and that im very sweet and funny

Tying a cherry stem in a knot using my tongue

Good at telling detailed, made up stories

I know how to make owl hooting noise using my hands

────☆────

[geekyule]

In the alternate world of Teyvat, where you begin your journey to find your loved ones by becoming a weapon of war in the Fatui

CW: violence, mention of blood, angst & fluff Thoughts: It'd be quite a long run. Semi-proofread

Part 1

Part 2 - Spark

“Teach me that!”

“No.”

“Are you afraid I’ll outmatch you?”

“No. Try harder.”

“Alright, let’s duel then!”

Ajax blocked in front of you, adopting a defensive stance. His face lit up with eager excitement. You sighed, rubbing your temples. This troublesome orange-haired fellow was nothing like your first encounter. Since meeting him again among the Fatui soldiers, Ajax always acted as if you had been friends for a long time. You had kept your promise to Tonya - Ajax’s little sister - to meet again, and somehow, the meeting had turned into adventures with the lively Teucer trailing around the village of Morepesok. And Ajax cannot miss the opportunity to escape with the children with the self-appointed responsibility of protecting the family. It had been three months since your first encounter, and every day you had to decide between being polite or kicking his ass. You approached calmly.

“Face off head-on? Alright…” - Ajax was excited but did not let down his guard. He knew how skilled his opponent was based on their previous practice matches. He truly hoped for a chance to win in a hand-to-hand combat with you, the master of hand-to-hand combat and also the one he had to try his best to hide his admiration for.

Yet you continued to advance, and Ajax felt his smile fading. You were opening up a lot of vulnerabilities with each step, but it couldn’t be that easy, could it? He couldn’t strike first, couldn’t… The intense vigilance and concentration pressed his muscles more and more. Ajax took a light breath and held it tightly. Now was the time; he lunged forward with all his might, eyes never leaving his opponent. But you suddenly blurred before him?

A dry “Thud” and a surprised “Ugh” escaped Ajax. Taking advantage of the slight opening and reading Ajax’s movement, you chose the point to set your base foot and turned slightly to throw a heel kick straight into his ear. Ajax fell over in a daze.

“You shouldn't strike first.”

“I know, I know.” - Ajax rubbed his head, a bitter laugh escaping him - “I was certain of that until you taunted me with all those openings.”

“You guessed I did it on purpose and still charged in? Dumb ginger.”

“You said you wouldn’t fight anymore and still hit me? Wicked witch.”

Your laughter surprised Ajax. He had to prop himself up on his hands to see but you just return to your usual cool demeanor. Tossing him a look that seemed bored, you bid him farewell and returned to your quarters, leaving Ajax bewildered, unsure if his ears had deceived him. He slumped back on the ground, sighing deeply.

“You’re wicked, truly.”

There were countless reasons why you couldn’t get close to anyone, and you were determined to maintain that solitary principle. Since becoming aware of the world, you had always been among the ranks of the Fatui soldiers. But this is absolutely not a family, much less a place to promote comradeship. Today we can fight side by side, tomorrow we can coldly eliminate each other to achieve our goals. Furthermore, your existence now was entirely at the mercy of the Harbingers at the top, and in return, you had to go through the most brutal experiments to become a “weapon of war” for the Tsaritsa to use when needed.

“How far have my tasks progressed?”

The smooth yet cold voice rang out. Amidst hundreds of interconnected test tubes reaching up to touch the ceiling, and a few scattered books floating in the dimly lit space, the scientist seemed to be conducting a symphony of sorts. He lazily gestured for the books to come closer, flipping open the pages he needed to read, then waved for the test tubes to move around without once glancing at you. In Dottore’s eyes, humans were tools for him to use in his research, and you only hoped to stay away from all that as far as you can.

“The subject is adept in combat, mastering the Hydro Vision. But there’s something abnormal about his power.”

“Ah, do you think he’s capable of wielding a Delusion?

“Signor Pulcinella will recommend him to the Tsaritsa soon.”

Dottore suddenly turned to glance at you, smiling beneath his mask. Despite his eyes being completely hidden by the mask, you still felt a chill down the spine facing this man.

“What do you think?”

“He’s not my match” - You swallowed lightly, cursing yourself for showing a hint of hesitation. Without changing your expression, you silently hoped that your master wouldn’t notice that slip.

Dottore stepped closer, the unsettlingly curious smile still on his face. If there was one lesson you had to be thankful for over the years of training, it was to keep your expression icy no matter what was brewing inside. Dottore leaned down slightly, staring straight into your eyes.

“You are my most talented pupil, but I never recommend you. Aren’t you angry with me?”

“Being your pupil is already an honor for me, sir.”

But the Harbinger didn’t seem surprised by that response. Before him, this “test subject” always tried to be aloof and ruthless. Tried. He lifted your chin, forcing you to look straight into the mask where his menacing red eyes lurked behind. You tried not to show any expression, but your back and hands were already damp with sweat.

“Haven’t I taught you how to exploit your opponent’s weaknesses?” - Dottore grinned, revealing sharp, menacing teeth.

“His family has been under Signor Pulcinella’s protection…” - Before you could finish the sentence, Dottore’s hand suddenly gripped your throat. Now there was no use hiding the fear anymore; you grabbed his hand, eyes wide open.

“Haven’t I taught you to stop spewing hollow excuses?” - Dottore gripped your throat, lifting you up lightly as if lifting a small animal. The creature tried to escape his grasp, but it looked so pitiful, so easy to be manipulated - “What have you learned from me, Y/n?”

“I… am a… weapon” - you struggled to utter the difficult words, your eyes beginning to blur.

As if satisfied with the response, Dottore released his grip and you collapsed to the floor, gasping. This “weapon of war” would contribute to a greater good, and his job was to guide it to the necessary destination. And it’s getting closer, he was somewhat excited.

“Make sure he can’t make his appearance to the Queen, my weapon.” - Dottore’s voice was once again gentle and languid. He stepped out of the room leaving you trembling in fear.

***

The sky and the ground wore the same shimmering dark cloak of countless stars. Whether the feet were walking on the ground or in the sky, the traveler couldn’t tell anymore. This world seemed to be encapsulated in a glass sphere, an endless, quiet expanse.

“Give him back!”

The traveler halted, raising a hand to the ear to listen closely. There was a distant echo, a voice filled with anguish, as if trapped in a dimension of its own.

“Give me back my brother!”

Brother? The traveler looked around to find the source of the voices. The voices grew clearer, more intense, harsh, sorrowful... searching for loved ones.

“My sky!”

The traveler raised a hand to cover their mouth, shocked to realize they were the one uttering those words. They knelt down, still gripping their mouth tightly to keep the voices from escaping. But their throat burned, ears ringing, tears streaming from wide-open eyes.

The once silent space suddenly trembled and shattered like glass. Darkness engulfed the traveler.

“AAAA!”

You woke up on the small bed, arms immediately wrapped around your head in self-protection. It was still dark outside, evidenced by the dimly lit room with candles floating in the air... This wasn't your room in the fortress. You gathered your thoughts when an old lady slowly entered, holding a white cat.

“Paimon's worried about you.”

The old lady sat down at the end of the bed and released the cat. Paimon, as it was called, approached and gave you a scrutinizing look. You took a deep breath to calm yourself.

“It's still that dream, Grandma.”

“Becoming a "weapon of war" is already terrifying enough, can your dream be any worse?” - The old lady lifted a smoking pipe to her lips and took a few puffs. The smoke drifted in the dim candlelight - “What has that man done to you this time?”

“I couldn't stop someone as he told me to.”

You reached out a hand signaling for Paimon to come closer. The blue-eyed white cat sniffed your outstretched hand with its pink nose and nudged it gently, conveying a warm, soothing presence.

“Is someone that little troublemaker? Aren't you annoyed with him?”

You stayed silent, stroking Paimon's head. You could have confidently answered that question. You could have carried out the task assigned by Dottore without hesitation, no matter how brutal. That Ginger... Ajax, he considered you a friend, which is so rare in this dangerous environment. That was the greatest advantage you naturally possessed. You stopped petting Paimon and looked at your hand. Suddenly, visions of your hand stained with the blood of Ajax's loved ones flashed before you, causing you to startle, making Paimon jump back as well. Sweat poured down your pale face as you gasped, feeling nauseous. The cat looked up in concern.

The old lady watched you for a moment, then waved her hand, summoning a book to come flying from another room. The pages of the book flipped quickly to a page and stopped, casting a green light that enveloped the room. A gentle herbal scent wafted, filling your lungs and gradually calming you down.

“You're just a child after all. I truly regret not being able to take you with me.” - The old lady folded the spell book, her voice tinged with sorrow.

“Grandma, don't say such strange things.” - You weakly smiled at her.

After waking up in this world, small and fragile, Grandma was the one who had brought you back from death's door. She once was a skilled researcher from Sumeru, sponsored by the Fatui to come to Snezhnaya to develop military medicine alongside Dottore. With her talent and knowledge, she had significantly strengthened the military's medical capabilities, until she discovered Dottore's inhumane experiments on humans. Grandma immediately requested retirement but was confined in Snezhnaya, perhaps unable to return to her homeland for the rest of her life.

“I have never regretted saving lives, saving you. No matter the cost, I will do everything to oppose any research that goes against humanity. You... don't do anything that would make you regret.”

You sadly traced the hidden tattoos on your arm, the result of the weapon experiments, a reminder that this life was bestowed upon you, a life meant for the Tsaritsa to use. Grandma stood up, approached to stroke your head softly and whispered a gentle incantation. Your eyes grew heavy, mind at ease. You felt Grandma gently lay you down on the pillow, sinking into a dreamless sleep.

“The Archon of Love may have turned away from this world, but it doesn't mean humanity will lose love forever. Goodnight, Y/n.”

[johnsbleu]

Hold My Hand: John Wick x Reader Chapter 170

warnings: dual pov, nsfw hmh masterlist

I can tell something is off. There’s a shift in the atmosphere or something. Maybe a natural disaster is on the horizon. There is a static in the air, an electricity. I can feel it as I sit on the patio and read a book to Ronan. The sun is shining. No clouds in the sky. It’s not even supposed to rain until this weekend, but something is…off.

Looking to my left, I see Y/N as she pulls into the driveway. She doesn’t pull into the garage though. She just gets out, tilts her head back and lets out the loudest groan before stomping her way over to me.

I figured out what is so different: my wife is absolutely pissed.

Y/N throws her bag on the chair across from me and Ronan, then she stomps her foot and groans again. I get up and bring Ronan over to the blanket I’ve put out, set a few toys around her, then I walk over to Y/N and rest my hands on her shoulders. I rub my hands down her arms a few times and breathe deep with her, and she looks up at me before she pouts and closes her eyes.

“What’s going on?” I ask, and she tilts her head back and pouts with her whole body. “Are you hurt?”

She shakes her head, “No.”

“Did someone say something to you? Was someone rude? Who upset you?” I ask, and she looks at me. “Who did this?”

“Calm down, babe, I don’t need you to fight anyone.”

I furrow my brow, “Someone upset you. I’ll do what I have to do.”

She laughs a little and looks down at her hands.

“Talk to me,” I say, pulling her over to sit on the love seat.

Y/N pulls her knees close to her chest and frowns, “My mom is too nice.”

“She is very nice,” I say, then I furrow my brow quickly, “Why is that a problem?”

“Because…” she sighs loudly and looks at me, “She invited my aunt to come here.”

I slowly nod my head as I hold her gaze, “I see.”

“Guess where she’s going to want to stay.” she whispers, raising her brows, “Here. Why can’t she stay with my parents? You’re probably wondering. She won’t say it but it’s because their house isn’t as nice as ours, even though their house is gorgeous!”

“I know you’re not the biggest fan of her.” I say, and Y/N gives me a dirty look. I laugh, “Okay, you’re not a fan at all, but it’s just the weekend, right? It’ll go by fast, and if you want, I can handle it all. I’ll take care of it.”

Y/N scoffs before she laughs loudly, “Oh, then I’ll have to hear about how I don’t do anything around here, how my husband--my gorgeous and sexy husband--bends over backwards for me while I sit around and get fat, or how I don’t deserve you. Yeah, absolutely not.”

“If she’s so horrible, why does your mom invite her out?”

“Because she’s too nice!” she says, and I laugh. “Tonya is coming here for some Broadway show with her friends. And even though Tonya loves to brag about how much money she has, she also loves a good deal. Or even better, she loves something free as long as no one else can know that it was free. That’s how the whole staying with my mom thing came about. But again, my mom’s house is just sooo beneath Tonya.”

I laugh as I wrap my arm around her shoulder, “That 1.3 million dollar home we bought your parents. Yes, I agree.”

“Ugh!” she groans, sighing loudly as she leans against me, “So, I guess she’s staying with us. She’ll be here next Friday, but she’s leaving Sunday.”

“I can always put my foot down and say no,” I say, and Y/N looks up at me and starts to laugh, which makes me laugh, “You needed a good laugh.”

Y/N leans up and cups my face as we kiss, then she smiles at me, “I need my partner in crime now more than ever.”

“I got you.” I whisper, then we both look down when Ronan walks over to see her mom.

“My beautiful little girl! Hello!” she reaches for Ronan and puts her in her lap as she kisses her cheek, “Have you been hanging out with daddy?”

I tuck Ronan’s brown hair behind her ear, “We’ve been learning our colors today.”

“Ooh,” Y/N beams, “How are we doing?”

“Really well.” I pick up the book and open to a random page, “Bug, where is the yellow ball?”

Ronan looks at me and Y/N, then she looks at the book before pointing her sticky little finger towards the yellow ball. Y/N and I both cheer, which makes Ronan grin and giggle, and I lean over to kiss her cheek.

“Good job. Where is the blue hat?” I ask, and Ronan looks around before pointing at Bleu laying under the table. I look over at Y/N and laugh, “Yeah, we’re still working on that.”

“Maybe you should have thought about this before you named him.”

I laugh, “Because I knew all those years ago that I would meet you and have a baby who would struggle with the color blue.”

Y/N smirks as she shrugs, then she scoots over to lean her head on my shoulder, “Please have my back this weekend.”

“I always will, mouse. You don’t even need to ask.” I whisper against her forehead, then I tilt her chin up to look into her eyes, “We’re a team.”

__

Not only is this weekend not a good weekend because Tonya is coming, but with Logan being here, it’s also a bad time. We’ve been trying to make this transition for Logan as smooth as possible and Tonya coming definitely isn’t going to help. And if that wasn’t enough, Ronan is currently having a really hard time sleeping lately. She’ll go down to bed just fine, but she wakes up at about 1 in the morning and is up for an hour or so. We don’t like having her sleep in bed with us, but sometimes we’re just so tired that we don’t want to bring her back to her room. Anytime she’s in our bed, I’m a light sleeper. All of those years I spent always having to sleep with one eye open really has come in handy with a baby.

Since I know she’s just having a hard time with her aunt coming, I told Y/N that I would handle Ronan tonight. I should have known better when I got up to settle Ronan down that Y/N wouldn’t be far behind me.

I turn to look at her as she walks in Ronan’s room behind me, “Go to bed.”

“It’s okay.”

“Baby,” I rest my hands on her shoulders and lean down to meet her gaze, “Go. To. Bed. I got this.”

She looks up at me and bites her cheek, “I’ll grab her bottle. Bring her to our room?”

“Yeah.” I press a kiss to her forehead, then I get Ronan, who is crying and reaching out for me.

As soon as Ronan gets into my arms, her cries turn to soft little whimpers. I grab her blanket and her favorite stuffed bunny, affectionately named Coco, then I bring her into our bedroom. I get Ronan situated in my arms, then look up at Y/N as she comes in. She hands the bottle to me and scoots onto the bed until she’s leaning against my arm.

Ronan is looking around with her big brown eyes as she drinks her bottle, then she points up with her finger and touches the tip of my nose, which causes her to laugh. I make a funny noise when she does it again, and she laughs a little harder this time, the bottle slipping from her mouth. Y/N chuckles as she watches us, and Ronan reaches over to do the same thing to Y/N but she’s too far. I hold Ronan up so she can touch her nose.

“What is that all about?” Y/N asks as Ronan giggles. “You’re such a goober.”

“She gets it from you, you know?” I say, and Y/N rolls her eyes and laughs.  

I know that Y/N wasn’t sleeping when I got up to get Ronan. I know she’s just nervous about her aunt coming, and I don’t blame her. Tonya is incredibly critical of Y/N--she is of everyone, which is probably why Bev invited her to stay. Bev didn’t want to be at the receiving end of her wrath and she probably had no idea that Tonya would want to stay with us. Tess is obviously off limits since Tess, well, Tess can’t always keep her mouth shut. In my opinion, it would do Tonya some good to have someone like Tess tell her off.

“I love you.” I whisper to Y/N, and she smiles softly as she looks up at me, “Why don’t you get some rest?”

Y/N chews on her lip for a few seconds before she nods and scoots down in bed. I set Ronan’s bottle aside and lay her down next to Y/N, then I lay down with them, wrapping my arm over both of them. I lightly rub my hand over Y/N’s shoulder and hold her gaze when she looks over at me.

“A team.” I whisper, and she smiles again before closing her eyes.

__

Despite me getting up at 7, Y/N was already up. She showered and got to work on cleaning the house, which didn’t even need cleaning. We like to keep our place pretty nice, but obviously with having a baby, that doesn’t always last long. We try to keep Ronan’s toys contained to one area, but since she’s walking, she tends to bring them with her wherever she goes. We always clean up her toys at the end of the day though so we don’t trip over them in the night or something.

With me living here for years alone, I never really made much of a mess and I was always quick to clean up after myself. I still am that way, and Y/N has gotten that way as well since Ronan likes to get into things. I won’t lie and say Y/N was the neatest person to live with--she left shit everywhere--but she’s gotten much better now.

I never complained before though because I liked it. I liked walking into the kitchen and seeing her lipstick on mugs. I liked finding her socks on the bathroom floor, or her sweater tucked into the cushions on the couch. My house actually looked lived in once she moved in. My house looked like a home. Because it was. Because she was here. I loved it. I still love it.

I hear the door close and look up to see Logan. He abruptly stops and widens his eyes when he sees all the cleaning supplies around.

“What have I walked into?”

I smile as I stand up from wiping off the coffee table, “We have some family--”

“Ew, don’t call her that!” Y/N says with her face scrunched up.

Looking over at Y/N, I laugh, “Okay, not family,” I look back at Logan, “Y/N’s aunt is coming today.”

“Oh,” he nods, then he glances over my shoulder towards his room.

“We’re not kicking you out,” I laugh, watching his shoulders relax, “You can stay as long as you want.”

“Did you really think we’d just kick you out? You’re stuck here, bud.” Y/N says, and Logan shrugs bashfully. “Your room is your room. She can stay in there.”

I look over when Y/N lazily gestures to the other guest bedroom, then I nod when I look back at him.

“Well, I mean, if you guys need me to leave…”

“Nope!” she smiles, shaking her head, “You’re more than welcome to say, in fact, we insist.”

Logan has only been here about two weeks, but he’s already been doing much better. His attitude is much more positive too, and I can see so much more confidence. Y/N and him talked a few days after he moved in about going to therapy and he had his first session the other day; he said it went really well. We really enjoy having him here and despite me thinking it might have been a big change, it really hasn’t been. He’s fit in perfectly. We love having him here.

“Do you need me to like, stay away or anything?”

“Between you and me,” Y/N walks to him and puts her hand on his shoulder, “I would.”

I laugh, “Don’t listen to her. She doesn’t like her aunt, which admittedly, she’s not great.”

“At our wedding she asked if you were single. At our wedding!”

“I think that was a joke,” I say, and she rolls her eyes and shakes her head. “But yes, she is…”

Y/N huffs, “Rude! She’s a bitch!”

“Why don’t you go get something to eat?” I suggest, and she nods her head and walks off to the kitchen. I look over at Logan and walk closer, “Her aunt is, yeah, a bitch. She’s very critical of her, and she’s made several inappropriate comments about me.”

“So, why is she staying here?”

I shake my head and sigh, “It’s complicated. All you need to know is that Tonya might make some off handed comments, but don’t take anything she says personally. If you don’t feel comfortable being around here, then definitely stay in your room. I’m gonna try to keep as much focus as I can on myself, so that she isn’t too hard on Y/N.”

“Sounds brave,” Logan jokes.

“I just don’t want her to be upset. I’ll take the brunt of Tonya if it means that Y/N will be fine.”

“And this is why he’s too good for this world,” Y/N says behind me, then she wraps her arms around my waist, “I can handle her too, but Logan, you don’t need to be around her.”

Logan nods as Y/N tells him about Tonya, then he laughs, “Sounds like my mom.”

“Whoa,” she lets go and blinks before she looks up at me, “You know what, yeah, she is a bit like Laura.”

“Well, in that case, I will make myself scarce this weekend, which won’t be too hard.” Logan says as he leans down to untie his shoes, “I’m picking up extra work at the shop.”

Logan pops into the kitchen quick to grab himself something to eat before he retreats to his bedroom. I look over at Y/N as she stares blankly out the window, and she jumps a little when I touch her elbow.

“Everything will be just fine,” I say, and she turns around and leans against my chest. “Logan will be busy all weekend, so he won’t have to even meet her.”

“If she’s mean to him,” she says, shaking her head, “I’ll…fucking freak out. If she’s mean to any of you.”

I laugh, “She won’t be mean to me. She loves me.”

Y/N groans as she rolls her eyes, “Pretty sure she wants to fuck you.”

“Nah, I’m good.” I say, smiling when she looks up at me. I reach for her and pull her into my arms again, “I will be by your side all weekend and I’ll protect you with my life. No one is going to put you down while I’m around.”

She starts to laugh, “You better by chained to my side then.”

“Gladly.”

__

It’s kind of comedic that with Tonya’s arrival, it started to storm. The moment we heard that she arrived in New York, it’s like the whole state was under a big thick cloud of thunder and rain. It’s fitting, it really is. Y/N thought it was pretty funny. There’s a break in the storm right now, but surely it’ll start raining again.

I volunteered to get Tonya from Bev’s house by myself, but Y/N wanted to come with since she wanted to drop off some pictures of Ronan that Tess took the other day. We packed into the car and drove to Oyster Bay. Y/N clung to the door handle the whole time with her right hand, and her left hand was gripping mine tight. I know that she’s nervous and anxious for this weekend. I just hope she knows that I have her back through this whole thing.

Ronan is beyond excited to get inside and see Grandma and Grandpa, but I’m wondering how she’s going to react to seeing Tonya--someone that she hasn’t met yet. Of course Ronan is happy to meet pretty much anyone, but she also is very intuitive and wary. She gets it from me.

Opening the door, I hold it to allow Y/N and Ronan in first, and I smile when Ronan takes off looking for Bev and Dan. She runs off, then she turns around and runs back to Y/N with her arms out and her big brown eyes are wide and scared. Y/N looks at me and smirks a little as she bends down to pick Ronan up.

“She’s in there,” she whispers, and I inhale deeply. She looks over at me with such sad eyes, “We got this, right?”

“We absolutely do, baby.” I lean over and kiss her.

Walking into the living room, I stand next to Y/N and place my hand on her lower back. Bev turns around and smiles when she sees Ronan, then she smiles at Y/N, almost apologizing with her eyes. She knows how awful Tonya can be to her. Tonya is sitting on the couch, looking up at us with a small smile on her face. She hasn’t said anything to us yet.

“Hey, mom.” Y/N sets Ronan down and walks over to hug Bev, then she gives Tonya a small wave, “Hi, Tonya.”

“Hello.” she finally says, then she looks at me, “I see he’s still married to you.”

Y/N scoffs as she nods, “Yup. Lucky me.”

“I’m the lucky one.” I chime in, and Tonya nods her head as she smiles.

“And this must be Rowan.”

Y/N exhales quietly and glances at me, “It’s Ronan. R-O-N-A-N. Ronan.”

This pisses off Bev, I can tell. Bev loves to boast about her grandkids like any grandparent, so Tonya has to know Ronan’s name.

“Ronan, right. My apologies.” she leans up and smiles at Ronan, but Ro just tucks herself into Y/N’s leg.

I look over my shoulder when I hear the back door sliding open and Dan stepping in, and he bends down and laughs when Ronan runs over to see him.

**

You watch Ronan and your dad as he lifts her up and hugs her, kissing her cheek a few times before setting her back down.

“Want to see what I got for you?” he asks, and Ronan just looks up at him for a moment before nodding her head. He looks up at you and John, “Hey, mom and dad.”

John reaches out to shake his hand, “Hey.”

“Hi, dad.” you walk over and hug him, “What did you get?”

“Come with me.”

You’ll take any excuse to get out of the house and away from Tonya and her evil gaze. You don’t even care if all it is is some new yard tool he got. You just want out of this damn house.

Dan holds tight to Ronan’s hand as you all walk back outside, but you get a glimpse of Tonya tagging along. You laugh when you see the brightly colored playset that Dan has set up near the back of the yard far away from your mom’s most prized possession, her garden.

“Wow, baby, look at that.” you kneel down and look at Ronan, “That’s so cool!”

The playset has a slide, swing, basketball net, and a soccer net. Finn and Ronan are going to absolutely love it.

Dan smiles as he walks over to it, “And look, on hot days, we can hook the hose up to it and it sprinkles water down the slide and it comes out the top too.”

“Oh, god, dad, she’s never gonna want to leave. Half the time, we can’t get her to leave here anyway.” you say as you look up at him, “This is amazing.”

“I know you have a pool and some playsets at your house, but…” he shrugs and looks at you, “Figured it wouldn’t hurt to have one here too.”

John shakes his head, “Absolutely not. This is awesome.”

Tonya clears her throat, “I had a friend who got one of these. She wasn’t paying attention and her son broke his arm.”

“Well, we do pay attention.” John looks at you, “We are always with Ro when she’s playing on it. She only gets to play on it when we’re with her, so we don’t have to worry about that.”

You look at John when he reaches for your hand, “We allow Ronan plenty of time to play by herself, but we don’t let her get on any of her playsets unless we’re there.”

John smiles softly and leans over to kiss the top of your head before he lets go and walks over to help Ronan up the stairs so she can go down the slide. He looks up at you and gives you a wink, and you smile before walking over to them.

God, it feels so good to be a team.

__

Tonya was just so desperately hungry and needed to eat as soon as possible! So, naturally, the best restaurant in New York City (she wouldn’t eat anywhere else) was called and you all got ready and headed out. You were pretty quiet in the car, so was John, but he held your hand the entire time.

It’ll be a little better tonight since Tess will be there. Not only do you have John to have your back, but you have Tess. Tonya and Tess can go head to head. You’ll sit out this round.

You’re just waiting for everyone else to get to the restaurant but you’ve already finished one glass of wine and had a few bread sticks to get something in your stomach. You certainly don’t want to be tipsy and say something you’ll regret.

John rubs your back and leans over to press a kiss to your shoulder, “How are you feeling?”

“She’s not so bad right now, so I’m okay. She has her Broadway show tomorrow, so she’ll be gone all day. I can get through this.” you say, and John nods his head. “I’m sorry.”

“Why are you apologizing?” he asks, tucking your hair behind your ear, “You don’t need to apologize.”

You sigh, shaking your head, “She’s just a lot. And that comment she made to you earlier when we were about to leave. It’s just…it’s not right that she’s so rude.”

Tonya made some vaguely sexual comment about John, and it pissed you off. It pissed him off too.

“Well, no, but you can’t control her. She’s a grown woman. You’re not responsible for her behavior.” he says, and you reach for your wine to take another sip, “You’re stressing yourself out for what? Don’t worry about her. She’s not worth it.”

You set your drink down and look at him, “She’s gonna say something that will make you second guess everything.”

John laughs like you’ve just told him a joke, “No, she is not. I think she’s an idiot.”

You start to smile when John looks at you, “Really?”

“Absolutely. Look,” he turns to face you more, “You know me, you know I don’t use this word a lot, but she’s a bitch.”

You laugh loudly as you lean over to kiss him a few times, “She is.”

“She couldn’t say anything that would make me second guess us or you, because her opinion does not matter in the slightest.” he gently touches your chin, “She’s an idiot.”

“She is.”

John looks over the top of your head and smiles when everyone makes their way to the table. Tess searches for you and smiles, then she deposits Finn into the booster seat next to Ronan. She smiles at John for a few moments before he laughs and gets up so she can sit next to you. He presses a kiss to the top of your head and moves to sit across the table from you instead. As soon as he sits down, you both move your legs closer so they’re touching under the table.

It’s all about physical touch with that man.

“Was Tonya a nightmare?”

Tess looks at you and rolls her eyes before hiding behind her menu, “She was berating Jimmy! I was this fucking close to knocking her out.”

“Why?” you ask, closing your eyes and shaking your head, “I mean why was she berating him?”

“He’s too rough with Finn, he shouldn’t play with him on the hardwood floors, we shouldn’t allow him to have a binky still.” she rolls her eyes, “She says all this as if parenting is fucking easy. Our hardwood floors are fine. Jimmy is not rough with Finn at all. They play wrestle. If anything, Finn beats up Jimmy! You know how many times that kid has kicked poor James in the balls? And the binky thing, we’re working on it. It’s not her business though.”

You nod your head, “Yeah, I get that.”

“She been hard on John?”

“More like she has a hard on for John.” you roll your eyes, “She doesn’t like me but she certainly likes my husband.”

You look across the table at John as he holds up the menu and looks at it with Ronan. A smile tugs at your lips when he leans over and kisses the top of her head before looking at the menu with her again. He’s the best dad.

“Children are allowed here?” Tonya asks, and everyone looks at her. “I mean, this is a very nice place--”

“Well, we have very nice children, so…” Tess looks at her and shrugs before she looks at you and rolls her eyes again.

Everyone but Tonya knows that no one is going to come over and kick out John Wick and his family, of course. Yes, this is a nice restaurant that usually kids aren’t in, but Finn and Ronan are fine. And yes, the restaurant made an exception for you--well, for John Wick.

Tonya sits up straight and looks at your mom, surely boasting about something. You feel John tap your leg with his under the table, and you look up at him. He smiles softly before he looks down at his phone and glances at you. You let out a small laugh as you grab your phone.

You okay?

Yeah, she’s just annoying me. You good?

I have the most beautiful woman sitting across from me, of course I’m good.

Kiss-ass.

I love you, mouse. Don’t let her bother you.

I love you too.

You look up at John as he puts his phone back in his pocket, then you text him again.

Thought you were going to send me something dirty.

John gets his phone back out and puts his hand over his mouth causally as he chuckles, his cheeks begin to turn red. He taps away on his phone and glances at you again.

You want me to?

I’m just saying it would be nice.

Well, you look absolutely beautiful in that dress, but I can’t wait to see it on the floor of our room tonight.

Oh, really?

John glances around before looking back down at his phone.

Can’t stop thinking about you riding me and I can’t wait to get my hands on you tonight.

I can’t wait for that either. Can’t wait to feel you inside of me.

I’m gonna put my phone away before I get too carried away and whisk you off to the bathroom.

You laugh as you put your phone away, then you tap his leg with your foot before he reaches across the table for your hand. He squeezes it a few times and holds your palm up so he can press a kiss to it, then he turns to talk to Jimmy while you talk to Tess but he doesn’t let go of your hand.

__

You have your arms wrapped around John’s waist as he gently cups your face in his hands and kisses you repeatedly. He’s doing a good job at showering you with love (he always does, let’s be real) but he’s doing it to keep your mind off of Tonya, which you appreciate. He’s actually been cracking really random jokes for the past 15 minutes and you’ve been laughing your ass off. Why is he so damn funny?

“What state has the most streets?”

“Um,” you hum as you look up at him, “I dunno.”

John begins to smirk, “Rhode Island.”

“That’s so stupid,” you laugh, hugging him tighter as he smiles proudly.

You’re all standing outside the restaurant waiting for the valet to bring your cars around. John presses a kiss to your lips so gently that it causes you to close your eyes and lean in for more, and you laugh when he makes a little noise.

“God,” you tilt your head back and laugh loudly, “You’re so in love.”

“I am. You have no clue, Mrs. Wick.” he buries his face in the crook of your neck and tickles you with his beard as you laugh.

You turn your head to the side to get away from John but you open your eyes and see Tonya watching you. It immediately stops the laughter and causes John to look at you.

“Certainly a lot of PDA in front of your child.” she says, looking at Ronan in Jimmy’s arms.

“I think it’s adorable.” your mom says, and you smile at her for coming to your defense. “Ronan gets to see how much her parents love one another. They’re setting such a good example as to what love looks like.”

Tonya raises her brows, “Well, it’s not very appropriate.”

“Oh, please,” your mom scoffs, “They’re hugging and kissing, not having sex on the kitchen table in front of her. Stop being so hard on them. Stop being so hard on her.”

You look at your mom in surprise when she blatantly sticks up for you. Your mom isn’t a confrontational person, so this means a lot to you. She walks over to you and kisses your cheek as she hugs you tight.

“Don’t listen to her. I’ve had enough of her tonight.” she whispers, then she cups your face and tears up, “I am so sorry that she’s so hard on you.”

“I just take it too personally. I need to stop.”

Your mom shakes her head, “No, she needs to stop. I’m sorry that she’s staying with you. I tried to convince her during dinner to come to our place.”

“I know. I heard it. It’s fine.” you shrug a little, “I’ll just keep to myself.”

It pains your mom, you can tell. Obviously it’s not her fault that Tonya is so damn pushy. Tonya is hard on your mom too. She talked down to her all night.

Jimmy brings Ronan to your car when it pulls up, and he puts her in her car seat and kisses the top of her head before he walks over and shakes hands with John, quietly wishing him luck. Since Tonya is staying with you, she’ll be riding home with you too. You’re not looking forward to that.

“We all set?” John asks, and you nod your head. He walks over and opens the back door for you, then he kisses you when you get in and buckled. “Just ignore her.”

“I will.” you nod, then you turn to look at Ronan as she holds up a toy to show you. Thankfully she’s entertaining.

John, being the gentleman that he is, helps Tonya into the front seat and makes his way over to the driver’s side. You see him look at you through the rearview mirror, and you smile when he gives a wink and reaches his right hand back to touch your knee.

“Ready?” he asks, and you nod your head. He exhales softly and puts the car in drive, and you grin when he keeps looking back at you in the mirror.

__

Logan’s car was in the driveway when you got home, so you knew you’d have to introduce him and Tonya--she’d throw a fit if she woke up and just saw some random kid in the house, which admittedly, would be a little worrisome.

Lightly knocking on Logan’s door, you wait there for a few moments before he opens it. He must have just gotten home from work since his hair is wet like he’d taken a shower.

“I’m sorry,” you grimace, “But I have to introduce you two. She’d be very confused as to why there’s just a kid in our house.”

Logan laughs, “Yeah, makes sense.”

“I promise you don’t have to stay long,” you say, escorting him to the living room. “Hey Tonya, I wanted to introduce you to Logan.”

Tonya turns around and looks at him, then she looks at you like she’s waiting for an explanation. Obviously you have no plans on filling her in on the car accident that led to you meeting Logan. You and John both decided to leave that in the past.

“He’s staying here with us for a little while,” John says, jumping in to help you.

Tonya just stares at Logan when he reaches out to shake her hand, but Logan just laughs.

“Okay then.” he says, then he looks at you, “I won’t be a bother. I’m going to just grab something to eat and crash for the night. I have to be at work kind of early tomorrow.”

You smile at him as he walks into the kitchen, then you look over at Tonya as she watches him.

“Who is he?” she says loud enough for Logan to hear.

“He’s a family friend,” you say, and John nods. “He’s just staying here with us for a bit. Goodnight, Logan.”

Logan smiles as he walks past with a sandwich and a small bag of chips, “Goodnight everyone.”

You look back at Tonya, “He’s a family friend and he’s staying here. Don’t make him uncomfortable.”

“How old is he?”

“He’s 18,” John says, “He’s just a kid.”

Tonya furrows her brow, “Does your mother know about this?”

“Yes, actually, she does. She thinks it’s very nice of us to let him stay here, and she also really likes Logan.” you say as you walk over to turn off a lamp, “He’s part of this family now, so I would appreciate it if you’d treat him as such.”

You regret saying that because she treats her family like shit, but hopefully she gets the point. Logan isn’t going anywhere, this is his home, and you won’t allow her to make him feel uncomfortable in his home.

“Is he your…son?”

John laughs, “Does the blue eyed blonde kid look like he could be my son? Have you seen my daughter?”

You smile at him. Ronan looks exactly like John.

Tonya waves it all off with an exhale, “I’m tired, so I’ll be going to bed now.”

“Goodnight,” you and John both say at the same time since you’re definitely in a hurry to just go to bed.

After Tonya shuts her door, you and John check on Logan. He’s fine and is just now heading to bed after eating. You make your way up to check on Ronan too and see she’s fast asleep with Bleu laying by her bed.

“Well,” John closes the bedroom door and laughs, “Never thought someone would think Logan is my kid.”

You roll your eyes, “She knew he wasn’t, she was just trying to upset me with the thought of you having kids with someone else.”

“That’s…crazy.”

“That’s Aunt Tonya.” you exhale, and John wraps his arms around you while you take off your jewelry. You tilt your head back against his shoulder and smile at him, “I love you.”

John smiles, “I love you too.”

You move out of his arms and turn to him, “But I’ll fucking cry if you have kids with someone else.”

“Well, I don’t plan on it.” he says, pulling you back to him, “Just more kids with you.”

You smirk as you wrap your arms around his neck, “Do you want to take a shower with me and…practice making more kids?”

“I would love that.”

__

**

Today has been absolutely perfect--Tonya has been gone all day. I got a car to come pick her up since there was no way in hell that I was spending all day in NYC just so I could drive her around. She suggested that I do just that, but I had plans for today. I told her that I wasn’t a chauffeur and that I had ordered a car to drive her around instead. I wanted to spend the day with my girls and I wasn’t going to let them down after we had already made plans.

Y/N and I packed a lunch, got Ronan and Bleu, then we headed out and had a picnic at a park in Oyster Bay. It was perfect. We ate, then we decided to play on the jungle gym until Ronan started to get tired. We came back home and got her cleaned up before we put her down for a nap. Now Y/N and I are just lounging on the couch finishing up a movie.

“How are you feeling?” I ask, looking down at her in my arms.

“Fine,” she shrugs, then she sits up to get a drink of water. “Happy that she hasn’t been here all day and that she’s leaving early tomorrow morning.”

I chuckle, “Yeah, I think I’m going to hire a car again. I don’t want to drive her to the airport, and your parents shouldn’t have to either.”

“Yeah,” she inhales deeply and sighs.

“Are you…” I stop and sit up, “Are you upset with your mom?”

She looks at me in confusion, “Why would I be?”

“Well, I just mean that Tonya stayed with us instead of your mom.”

“Oh,” she sits back and shakes her head, “No, I’m not upset with her. Tonya has always been like this, so we’re all used to it. I just…take it a little more personally than everyone else, which is probably why she’s even harder on me.”

I nod my head and look at her, “Well, I think she’s an idiot, so definitely don’t listen to anything she says.”

Y/N laughs as she looks at me, “I know.”

We both look at the TV when the credits start to roll, and I reach for the remote and turn it off. We sit in silence for a few moments and look out the window when we hear the distant thunder. We planned on swimming for a little bit after Ronan woke up since there was a break in the storm, but we won’t be doing that now.

“Serious question.” I clear my throat, “Why doesn’t your mom just cut off contact with Tonya?”

“I know that you don’t quite understand family dynamics because you didn’t grow up around this type of stuff,” she says with no judgement in her voice, “But I don’t know, sometimes you just have to kind of live with them. Obviously if she was this terrible person, we’d cut her off, but…”

I reach out to cup her face, “But she is a terrible person.”

Y/N swallows as she nods and looks down, “I know. I guess, for me anyway, I’m here. I’m in New York now, so I don’t have to worry about it. She’s not my problem. Not that she ever was, but seeing her is so rare now.”

“Yeah, I get that. It’s kind of just putting up with her when you have to.” I say, and she nods, looking into my eyes. “Well, you have me, so it’s never going to be just you alone dealing with her.”

“Thanks,” she smiles wide and leans over to kiss me.

I wrap my arms around her and pull her over to straddle my waist as we kiss, and she sinks down until she’s sitting in my lap. I slide my hand up her thigh and underneath her shirt, and she melts into my touch as I move my hand up higher to rest on her breast, gently fiddling with the silver piercing hidden under her shirt.

Y/N kisses me and sits back, tucking her hair behind her ear, “Ro is down for a little longer and Tonya won’t be home for a few more hours…”

“Yeah.” I smile since I know exactly where she’s going; I know she can feel me hard underneath her. I sit up and kiss her neck as I hold her tight in my arms, and she wraps her legs around me and giggles. “What?”

“Can’t believe you can still pick me up.”

I laugh as I lean back to look at her, “Of course I can.”

“Oh, yeah, I forget. You work out now.” she says, playfully rolling her eyes.

“I haven’t seen you complaining about it.” I say, and she laughs as her cheeks turn red. “I see you watching me when I’m downstairs.”

Y/N laughs as I carry her up to our room, “And I’ve seen you watching me.”

“Well, I can’t help it.” I say, then I plop her down on the bed, “Look at you.”

“Look at me? Look at you! Most gorgeous man I’ve ever seen in my life. And I’m not even exaggerating.” she says, pulling me on top of her. She lifts the sleeve of my t-shirt and bites my bicep, “You’re so hot, John.”

I smooth her hair back and gently kiss her lips, “You are too.”

Y/N slowly closes her eyes as I kiss down her chest and lift her shirt up, kissing and licking over her stomach and down to the waistband of her jean shorts. She giggles when I nip at the skin there, then I unbutton and zip them down. I hum when I see the underwear she’s wearing, and she puts her hand over her face and laughs.

“What? I like these.”

“I know. I knew I’d get a reaction as soon as I picked them this morning. They’re not even special. They’re just black.”

I shrug as I pull her shorts off, “Black looks good on you. Looks good off of you too.”

Y/N laughs again when I toss her underwear aside. She props herself up on her elbows and looks at me between her legs, and I reach up and slide my middle finger into her mouth before moving it back down between her legs. She bites her bottom lip and tilts her head back as I slowly insert my finger, and I suck on her thigh for a few seconds before I bury my face between her legs, listening to her moan my name.

“You sound so pretty when you moan for me,” I whisper, and she lets out a little gasp when I pump my finger in and out, “Let me hear it again.”

Y/N runs her hand through my hair, then she arches her back and moans my name loudly, causing me to grow harder in my pants. I kiss my way up her stomach to her lips, and she hums and pulls me closer to her, feeling my weight on top of her.

“I need you to fuck me right now,” she whispers, and I laugh quietly as I brush my lips over her jaw, “Right now. Please. Don’t make me beg.”

I hold her gaze for a moment and smirk, “I would never.”

Hearing her beg for me would probably send shock waves through my body right now.

I move her up the bed and kneel as I unbutton my jeans, then I stand up and pull them off along with my boxers before I crawl back in bed. I pull my shirt off while she takes hers off too, then I lean down and kiss her neck.

“John,” she whispers, moaning softly, “Please. Stop teasing me.”

“I just like hearing you beg for me,” I whisper, and she starts to laugh. I look into her eyes and smile at her, “I like hearing how much you want me.”

Y/N smooths my hair back and tugs it a little, “I want you so bad, you know that. I want to feel you inside of me right now. I want you to blow my back out.”

“Blow your back out?” I laugh incredulously, “That’s a lot of pressure.”

“Oh, something tells me you’ll do just fine.” she brushes her lips against mine and wraps her legs around me, pulling me closer to her.

I slot myself between her legs and hold her gaze as I slowly slide in deeper, warmth and wetness wrapping around every inch of me. Y/N closes her eyes and clenches her jaw as she stretches around my cock, and I smile when she whimpers a little before moaning. I jerk my hips hard to bury myself to the hilt, and she gasps loudly, fingernails digging into my back.

“Fuck…” I groan as I sit up a little, then I move her right leg so it’s over my shoulder and I get such a better angle that we both moan in unison. “Oh, shit…”

Y/N laughs quietly as I look at her, “You’re gonna do just fine with my request.”

“Good,” I smirk as I lean down, kissing her as we both hold tight to one another.

__

I’ll take a little bit of the credit, but Y/N is fast asleep in bed. After we messed around, we got up, cleaned ourselves, got Ronan and had dinner. We all snuggled on the couch and watched an episode of Ronan’s current favorite cartoon, then we took her to her room, read a book, and put her down for the night. Y/N was tired the whole time. Naturally, I teased her about it, and she just blushed and laughed. She got into bed while I took Bleu for a quick walk around the block, but I’m on my way back home now.

The rain has started to fall a little harder as I get inside with Bleu, and I let him off his leash before he quickly runs into the kitchen where I know he’s already waiting for his food. After I feed him and turn off the lights, I head up to the bedroom and find Y/N curled up and watching TV.

“You were supposed to be asleep.”

“I don’t like to go to sleep when you’re still out.” she says as I crawl onto the bed and lay next to her, “I always worry.”

I chuckle, “I know. That’s very sweet of you.”

A smile spreads on her face as she leans over to kiss me, “I know Tonya isn’t home yet, so I figured we’d watch a movie.”

“You mean I watch a movie while you fall asleep,” I laugh, getting off the bed to change into my pajamas. “Sounds like a plan.”

Y/N watches as I move around the bedroom, then she lifts the blanket and smiles when I lift my arm so she can snuggle in next to me. I stroke her hair a few times and lean down to kiss her forehead, and she lets out a content sigh.

I will never take this easy comfort for granted. It’s something I absolutely look forward to.

You whispers softly, “Besides Tonya being here, this has been a really good weekend.”

“It has been. Ro is sleeping well too.”

Y/N scoffs, “Just jinxed it.”

“Probably. If she does wake up in the night, I got her, okay? Don’t get up with me. I mean it, peach. You’ve been so restless this weekend. I want you getting some rest.” I whisper against her forehead and feel her nod her head, “Hey, look at me.”

She looks up at me with a smile on her face, “Yes, Mr. Wick?”

“I love you, and you’re an amazing mother and wife, and on top of all of that, you’re an amazing woman. No one could ever change my mind on that. You make me so proud every day. I’m so lucky to be yours.” I say, and she tears up a little as she nods, “I know it’s hard having her here and thinking about all the things she’s said to you, but I can promise you that none of that is true, okay? You’re an amazing, intelligent, funny, kind, and caring woman. You’re the best person I’ve ever known.”

“Stop!” she laughs, putting her hand over her face, “Why do you do this to me, Jonathan? God!”

I laugh as I hug her tight to me, “Because I like to make you blush.”

“You do make me blush a lot.” she smiles, tilting her head back to look at me, “I like it too.”

__

Unfortunately a big clap of thunder woke up Ronan, so I have to get up and get her. Y/N is still completely knocked out, which is great though. I carefully get up from the bed and reach over to smooth Y/N’s hair back, then I tuck her in before heading down the hall to Ronan’s room. It’s a little after 1 in the morning, so hopefully I can just get Ronan a bottle and soothe her so she’ll go back to bed. If she doesn’t, I can just bring her into our room until she’s asleep.

Pushing the door open, I look at Ronan and frown as she bawls her head off and reaches out for me. I turn on the lamp and get her out of the sleep sack she’s in, then I tuck her in my arms.

“I know,” I whisper, bouncing on my knees, “I got you. I got you, bug.”

Ronan’s cries turn to hiccups before long, but I know she’s not ready to go back to bed yet. Another loud clap of thunder startles her, and she starts crying again and calling out for Y/N. I grab her blanket and wrap it around her as I head downstairs.

I notice the light in the kitchen is on and I expect Y/N to be there already making a bottle for Ronan, but I stop short when I see Tonya sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of tea.

“Can’t sleep?”

Tonya looks at me and gestures outside, “Not with the storm--never could.”

“Y/N is sleeping like a rock upstairs. She loves the storms.” I say as I get a bottle started.

Tonya smiles briefly, “Her uncle was like that too.”

I don’t know much about Y/N’s uncle, her mom’s brother, they never really mention him. Most likely because it’s hard for Bev to talk about her deceased brother, and Y/N didn’t really know him that well since he married Tonya and stopped talking to a lot of the family.

“She doesn’t like them either?” she gestures to Ronan crying in my arms.

I look down at Ronan and fix the blanket, rubbing her back to soothe her, “She usually can sleep pretty well through them; she’s just like her mom in that way. She’s just having some trouble sleeping lately. I usually just get up, give her a bottle, and she’s back to bed shortly after.”

“Hmm,” Tonya nods her head and looks back out the window, “So, you kind of do everything around here.”

“I beg your pardon.”

“I said--”

I cut her off, “No, I heard you.”

Tonya looks at me, “Well, you cooked dinner the other night. I saw you doing laundry and cleaning up. Now here you are with the baby at one in the morning while your wife sleeps. I see how you look at her and make sure she’s okay, but she never does that for you. She never really checks on you, and here you are doing everything that your wife should be doing. Now, if you were dating my daughter…”

I don’t like the way she says ‘your wife’. It immediately strikes a nerve and I grow beyond angry. This is exactly what Y/N was worried about, and a weaker man would maybe fall for this, but I’m not that man.

I keep my voice quiet but firm since it’s one in the morning and I’m holding Ronan in my arms, “Y/N has been completely overwhelmed lately because Ronan hasn’t been sleeping very well. She cooks, she cleans, she does laundry. Same as I do. Because that’s how our marriage works. We both put in the work to make this household function.”

Without missing a beat, I reach back and grab Ronan’s bottle, shake it a little, and begin to feed her, all while Tonya just stares at me.

“I have to beg her to stay in bed half the time because she always feels like she isn’t doing enough for Ronan and me when that couldn’t be further from the truth. This house--this family--would fall apart without her. I would fall apart without her. She takes care of me, just like I take care of her. And we always check in with one another. You’re seeing just a glimpse at our life this weekend.” I narrow my eyes a little as I look at her, “I have never appreciated the way you talk down to her, but the fact that you continue to do it when you know that it hurts her, and the fact that you do that in front of me and our daughter is inexcusable. I don’t know what it is that you have against her, but the way you speak to her will not longer be tolerated, especially when I’m around.”

Tonya takes a sip to her tea like she’s unfazed, then she stands up from the table, “I’m heading to bed.”

She walks over to put her cup into the sink, then she walks past me and keeps her gaze down as she heads down the hall to her room. I finally let out a big breath and look down at Ronan as she gazes up at me. The bottle slips from her lips as she starts to smile at me, and I chuckle a little before kissing her forehead.

I am always going to stick up for the woman who completely changed my life.

I smile when I see Y/N curled up in bed, then I place Ronan in the middle of the bed and lay down with them. Y/N starts to move a little when Ronan accidentally swats her in the face.

“Ow…” she laughs quietly, then she peeks her eyes open, “There’s a baby in our bed, Wick.”

I lean over to kiss her, “Figured she’d be less fussy in bed with us.”

“Remember how we used to say we’d never sleep with her in our bed?”

“Well,” I laugh as I get the blankets adjusted, “You know I can’t say no to her.”

Y/N chuckles sleepily, “Me neither.”

I wrap my arm around both of them and rub my thumb over Y/N’s arm, then I lean up to kiss her a few times before laying back down. Ronan is kicking her legs a little and babbling to herself, so I rub her tummy to calm her down. Y/N reaches up and lightly trails her finger around Ronan’s face and smiles when she stops moving and starts to fall asleep.

“My mom used to do this to me when I was little. I would pass out in her lap.”

I laugh, “I remember I did it to you once and you just passed out five minutes later.”

Rain is pattering against the window and lulling us all to sleep, and I open my eyes to see Y/N is already asleep again. I reach over and lightly rub her arm before pulling her a little closer so I can hold the two most important things to me.

__

Not long after Ronan fell asleep, I got up and brought her back into her room. We really don’t like to sleep with her in our bed since we don’t want her to get attached to it and we don’t want to roll over and hurt her in our sleep. I went back to bed and held onto Y/N, and she sighed against my chest before snuggling closer to me. The rest of the night went by way too fast after that. It was like I closed my eyes, then opened them 20 seconds later and it was morning. I wanted to sleep for longer just holding onto my love, but unfortunately that didn’t happen.

This morning we got up and made some breakfast, and then Y/N took Ronan for a little walk around the block with Bleu while I mowed the lawn. Tonya did whatever inside until we were all finished. She must have showered and gotten her stuff packed since when I came back in, her suitcase was already by the door.

Y/N came in and put a sleepy Ronan to bed, then she came downstairs and immediately started cleaning the living room, which didn’t need it. I finally was able to pull her away before she started reorganizing the books on the coffee table for the fourth time. I wrap my right arm around her shoulder and tuck her into my side, but she doesn’t stay there for long.

“Oh,” she perks up, “Mom is here.”

Before I can, she gets up and rushes to the door to let Bev in. She hugs her and shrugs, whispering something to her that makes Bev cup her cheek. I get up and wave at her as she walks in.

“I’m here to take her to the airport.” Bev says, and I nod and look over my shoulder to the guest room, “I’m so sorry--”

“It’s fine. We survived.” I say, and Y/N smiles softly at me. “No big deal.”

Y/N tenses up when the guest room door opens and Tonya comes out with her carry on. I reach for Y/N’s hand and pull her closer to my side, wrapping my arm around her shoulder.

“Hello, Beverly.” Tonya says, and Y/N rolls her eyes when I look at her. “I’m ready when you are.”

Bev smiles, “Let’s get going then. I’ll see you two later.”

“Bye, mom.”

I let go of Y/N to get Tonya’s suitcase and carry it out to the car, and I put it in the trunk. I don’t want to leave Y/N with Tonya for too long so I quickly shut the trunk and walk back over to her.

Tonya looks at Y/N and smiles, “Thank you letting me stay here. You have such a beautiful home. And Ronan is such a sweet and precious little girl. You two should be very proud of what you have, not just Ronan. I see what you two have. It’s wonderful. So, thank you again.”

“Uh, yeah, you’re welcome.” Y/N stutters a little, clearly shocked by Tonya’s change in attitude, but I know why she’s changed her tune.

“I look forward to seeing you three again soon. Maybe even Logan if he’s still around.” she says, and I nod my head before she turns and walks down to the car.

Bev looks just as confused as Y/N, and I chuckle a little when Y/N looks at me with widened eyes, mouthing ‘what the fuck?’ as she walks down to the car. She says goodbye to her mom, then she walks back up to me, wrapping her arms around my waist and closing her eyes.

“And peace has been restored to the land.” she says, wiggling her fingers, “Our kingdom has defeated the evil.”

I laugh, “Oh, look at that. The sun is shining again.”

Y/N lets go of me and holds my hand as we head inside. I open the door to allow her in first, then I turn around to close it. When I turn back, I see her with her arms crossed and a big smile on her face.

“Thank you.”

I furrow my brow, “For?”

She reaches for my hands and steps closer, “Your voice carries. Especially at one in the morning.”

“Oh.” I look into her eyes and shrug a little, a little unsure if she’s upset or not.

“So, thank you.” she looks down at our hands and inhales deeply, “No one has ever stuck up for me like that before. I mean, I know you have, but not to her. It really meant a lot. I heard what you said, and this family would fall apart without you too. I would fall apart.”

I cup her face and rub my thumb over the apple of her cheek, “Well, good thing you’ll never be without me.”

“Yeah, good thing.” she says, and I lean down to kiss her, “And thank you for…not being interested in her daughter.”

I let out a small laugh when she rolls her eyes, “Definitely not interested.”

“She already dated one of my ex’s, she does not need my husband too.” she slides her hands up my chest and wraps her arms around my neck, “She’ll have to pry you from my cold dead hands anyway because I am not letting go of you.”

I put my hands in the back pockets of her jeans and smile, “Good.”

“There was one thing in particular that bothered me though…”

“Oh?”

Y/N sighs, “Do I really never check on you and make sure you’re okay? Am I really selfish?”

“Not at all,” I shake my head and look into her sad eyes that are quickly growing wet with tears. “We check in with each other every night. You check in on me during the day. Remember the other day I was getting upset about something and you came over and gently told me that you’d handle it? And you did! That’s you checking in on me and making sure I’m okay.”

“I feel like I’m selfish.”

I cup her face in both my hands, “You are not selfish. Every night before we go to bed, what do we do?”

“We talk.”

“We talk,” I repeat as she looks at me, “We talk about our days. If there’s anything bothering us, we air it out and talk to each other. Do I ever have a lot to complain about? Other than little shit, like someone pissing me off while driving or someone being rude.”

She smiles when I raise my brows, “No.”

“Because I’m okay.” I whisper, pressing a soft kiss to her lips, “Because I have a wonderful wife who knows when I’m at my limit, just like I know when she’s at hers.”

“So, I’m a good wife?”

I let out a small laugh, “A great wife and a great mom.”

“Thank you,” she leans up to kiss me, “You’re a really great husband and a great dad too.”

“You know why else I’m okay?” I ask, and she looks up at me, “Because you’re okay. Because you and Ronan are okay.”

Y/N scoffs as she backs away, “There is absolutely no fucking way you’re real and that you’re married to me. No fucking way! How?”

“Because I fell in love with you! Get back here,” I pull her back into my arms and kiss her, “Because we fell in love with each other, and I’m fucking glad we did.”

“Me too.”

I cup her face as we share a few sweet kisses, then I kiss her forehead and hold her tight to my chest, standing there in the middle of the living room.

“Now…” she tilts her head back a little, “Didn’t we have plans before they were so rudely interrupted by my evil aunt?”

“Did we?”

Y/N starts to smile, “I’m pretty sure we did.”

I rack my brain to think if we had plans or not, but I’m coming up empty handed. I look at her and grimace since I can’t remember. I’m fairly certain we were just going to hang out at home this weekend.

“I’ll give you a hint,” she says, and I nod. She slides one hand down my chest to the crotch of my pants, and I immediately start to laugh. “Does that help?”

“It certainly does.”

Y/N cocks up a brow and smirks, and I push her up against the wall as we kiss. I lift her up and wrap her legs around my waist, then I carry her up to our room, kicking the door shut behind us.

__

taglist: @lilithlinen @multifandombliss @ruby-octo @tnu-ree @sakurachan-9 @beingnerdyissupercool @scream-queen-25 @ladyren33

[lettersfromthewindmill]

Update on project illustrated Cadence by @motswolo

Chapter 29: Pictures of Lily on a 45, the lyrics James needs are on the back...

Chapter 31: Sirius' letters tucked secretly into Remus' book. Not sure if it was reading this one at the time, but it is the one he lends Sirius later in the chapter. This edition is from the 50s but I figured Tonya picked up a pretty old battered copy somewhere.

Chapter 26: Simeon brings gifts.

[lilbreck]

Since I've gotten back into reading, I've had the urge to start a book club. Something very informal. Informal to the point where we don't have to all be reading the same books, we just talk about the books we're reading and others who have read/want to read the books can chat with each other about them.

I don't know, it's a thought.

For now, I'm going to start talking about what I'm reading on here. I'm about to start Sister, Maiden, Monster by Lucy Snyder. From what I can tell it's a post-pandemic tale that is gory and full of eldritch horrors/influences. I'm expecting body horror. Very much what I'm in the mood for.

I will be tagging it "sister maiden monster" for those who would rather not read it due to the subject matter or to avoid spoilers.

[booksandwitchery]

Revering Nature

Throughout my search for science-based pagan books to help me on this path of mine, Braiding Sweetgrass by Robin Wall Kimmerer kept popping up--so I finally read it.

I would recommend it to most people, especially those who feel a special connection to the natural world but don't exactly know why. I can see this book offending a lot of people on the right side of the political spectrum, but if you fall into that category I'm betting you found this blog in an accidental or ironic sense anyway.

Ultimately this book is all about reverence for the natural world and the importance of maintaining a spirit of respect, reciprocity and responsibility for the gifts given to us by nature. It makes a strong case for maintaining balance, which is a) weaved throughout pagan religions, b) arguably foundational to them all, and thus c) deeply relevant to my studies. Kimmerer also explains the importance of ritual and ceremony to human beings, regardless of our beliefs (or lack thereof.)

Bits of wisdom I marked down from this important book (just in case this isn't clear, everything inside quotation marks is taken directly from the book) separated by theme:

I. Exploitation of Natural Resources

Kimmerer disapproves of the belief that the natural world is human property to be produced and sold: "The commodification of the natural world is just a popular story told by humans. Strawberries belong to themselves."

II. Indigenous Wisdom & Animism

Thirty percent of English words are verbs, but in many indigenous American tribes this proportion is as much as seventy percent (as with the Potawatomi tribe). The language does not divide between masculine and feminine, but rather between animate and non-animate. We can learn from Potawatomi and other indigenous "ways of knowing" because even their very language acts as "a mirror for seeing the animacy of the world," and honors the universe as "a communion of subjects."

III. The Power of Balance

The author stresses the need to maintain balance with nature and life in general: "Balance is not a passive resting place--it takes work, balancing the giving and taking, the raking out and the putting in." Kimmerer suggests that we should temper our desires with self-discipline, which "builds resistance against the insidious germ of taking too much."

IV. Capitalism and the Death of Contentment

Kimmerer comments on consumer society's tendency to see contentment as a "radicalist proposition" and capitalism's dependence on the creation of unmet desires. This reminded me of The Door to Witchcraft by Tonya Brown, when she writes that we should try our best to have an abundance mentality rather than one of scarcity. We should take from nature only what we need, and give back whenever we can.

V. Importance of Ritual and Ceremony

Kimmerer beautifully explains humans' innate need for ritual and ceremony: "Ceremony focuses attention so that attention becomes intention. . .ceremonies transcend the boundaries of the individual and resonate beyond the human realm. These acts of reverence are powerfully pragmatic." This is deeply reminiscent of my post last year on the psychological benefits of ritual ceremony. This affirmed my belief of why these behaviors are ubiquitous despite all varying forms of thought and belief.

VII. Pessimism in the Environmentalist Community

Regarding the fatalist attitude that has crept into many environmentalist conversations: "Environmentalism becomes synonymous with dire predictions and powerless feelings. Despair is paralysis. It robs us of agency. It blinds us to our own power and the power of the earth."

[traegorn]

Any good literature you suggest to educate myself on the history of witchcraft? I read a door to witchcraft (picture of book included) but I feel like it could’ve dived deeper into the history of it.

And if you read this book- what are your thoughts on it? I enjoyed it don’t get me wrong but I feel like it was too short, as if more information could’ve been added

It depends on what you mean by "History of Witchcraft."

If you want the history of what we currently call witchcraft, I recommend the 2006 edition of Margot Adler's Drawing Down the Moon. That's a history of the modern witchcraft movement up through, well, 2006. Sadly it was the last update we got before Adler's death in 2014, but it gives a pretty solid history to the movement.

If you're looking for the history of things like the witch trials, I don't have anything specific to recommend -- most of what I know comes from various journal articles I've read and other academic sources. @breelandwalker might have some decent recommendations though.

And I've never read anything by Tonya A. Brown, so I don't want to give an opinion on her work. Looking at the promotional materials, there's a particular vibe I'm not fond of -- but that may be the fault of her editor or publisher and not her own, so I don't want to be too quick to judge.

[kapusto]

WHAATTT??? YOU WANT TO KNOW MORE ABOUT ME??? ME TOO.

This is the post where you can make your opinion about me. And I can tell about all my most favorite things.

You can call me kapusto or kapusta. I post here because I want to practice my English and stop being afraid of posting itself. Also, I try to figure out my opinions about many things here, so I read and try to understand. I'm not bored here, in short.

About content... there will be my arts, thoughts, music and maybe photos.

If you find a mistake, don't be shy to point on it. I will be grateful!

I love learning new things, so I adore watching films, series, anime (weeell, not all can please me) etc. I will be glad if you want to recommend me your favorite one. My favorites are:

Arcane

And then We Danced

Lilya forever (my personal trauma)

I, Tonya

Death Note

Leon The Professional (my second personal trauma)

Evangelion: 3.0+1.0: Thrice Upone A Time (healed me after two traumas)

I don't read a lot, but I try to. I have two favorite books for now: Clockwork Orange by Anthony Burgess (I hate film adaptation, btw) and Lord of the Flies by William Golding.

About music!!! I can listen to almost all genres. Here is another list of favorites:

MCR (My Chemical Romance)

Radiohead

Монеточка

Пётр Налич

Mitski

IC3PEAK

Also, I don't mind if you recommend me band or album or even a song!

I'm not antis or proship, like sometimes, Im interested in reading some problematic shit with psychological abuse, but of course, I don't support it.

Please, be calm, and before writing something, think again. It can save your time.

I don't want to discuss politics with people who do not live in my country. Please understand this wish. I don't support Putin and his war.

I guess that I'm a kind person, I try to be, so don't worry about asking me for anything. I will attempt to help.

I think that this is the end sooo... хуй войне. Всем счастья, свободы и здоровья.

Navigation:

#kapustoarts

#kapustoshitposts

#kapustodn (death note)

#kapustophotos

[ofallplaceswhythis]

tcoptp thoughts pt.14

we got fluff and then got hit by the angst :D. And now that I have finished crying we can cry to more angst :D

james ily youre the biggest mood to exist

wolfstar is basically sirius flirting and remus not knowing how to react atp.

when i find walburga she wont even have a body to have a funeral

not tonya's letter, not jeremy, not anYTHING PLEASE STOP PLEAS

THEY TOLD EACH OTHER THIS IS NOT A DRILL uhfhuhshusdfih

tomny and tonya are so tragic i need a book series on them

please dont let that be the last time we see tomny

for all its worth, i kinda hate regulus rn.

and now that the titanic as sunk, ill go cry. Peace out V

AYY THE LONGBOTTOMS

hey jillian :) yea shut the fuck up who even thinks that

OHHHH SHIT HES IN THE WATER

ngl i legit cried when remus finally knew what he was. tears are coming out of my face.

snape is fucking wing manning?! wtf is happening 😭😭

when you get an opportunity to talk, fucking talk.

Sirius: Im not opening it what if its a bomb Remus: Its not a bomb just open it Remus: Remus: Nevermind, its a bomb

THEY FIGURED IT OUT!! kinda sad about the remus and his 'im empty' conversation but atleast they can talk it through <3

The 'we could pretend we kissed near the piano' conversation was so wholesome i need to read it again

God has given us mercy and now owes me atleast 2 chapters of fluff

Still gonna cry over Remus and his convo with his mum.

[huntingorbits]

Review: The Door to Witchcraft, by Tonya Brown

I just finished reading this book earlier this year, and thought I'd write a review on it. This is also going to help me determine how I want to review other texts going forward. So without further ado, let's get started.

TL;DR:

I highly recommend this book for both beginners and more experienced witches who are looking to expand their practices or gain additional resources. Brown takes a practical approach and breaks things down beautifully in a way that's easy to understand and follow. (Such as steps to creating a spell, steps to spellcasting, etc.) The second half is spells that may take a different approach to what we're used to seeing in other books, which in and of itself is very useful.

What's Inside (Contents)

PART I: Witchcraft and Practical Magic

1. Understanding Witchcraft 2. Core Beliefs and Values 3. How to Tap into Your Powers 4. How to Practice Witchcraft

PART II: Spells (Begins on page 87)

5. Love 6. Health and Healing (in Yourself and Others) 7. Career 8. Friends and Family Matters 9. Spiritual Work 10. Protection

Glossary Resources References Index

Summary

Part I: Witchcraft and Practical Magic spans 86 pages and includes a lot of information.

"Understanding Witchcraft" is your fairly standard introductory chapter, addressing questions such as, "What is Witchcraft?" and, "Are you a Witch?", before diving into a brief history of witchcraft.

"Core Beliefs and Values" is a high-level tour of the most common tenets of witchcraft among witches of all varieties, not just Wiccans.

"How to Tap into Your Powers" and "How to Practice Witchcraft" are more instructional than educational, but Brown includes a lot of education in those chapters nonetheless, including a handy breakdown of the structures of rituals and spells, sabbats, and some basic correspondences.

Part II: Spells is approximately 90 pages in length (some pages are just illustrations). Brown prefaces these pages with a few notes, including:

"Some of these spells may not align with the stereotype of spellcasting that you've seen in the media. They may seem too simple or they may seem too complicated. I implore you to come to these spells with an open mind..." (pg.89)

The spells that follow offer a variety of complexities, though most of them take less than half an hour to cast.

Provided Resources & References

Following the Spells section of the book is 3 pages of Glossary, 2 pages of Resources that appear to be reading recommendations, and 3 pages of References - titles cited or referenced throughout the book. Going over these materials, the book appears to have been written using carefully curated resources, which is very encouraging.

About the Author

From Amazon:

TONYA A. BROWN is a current resident of Florida, where she is the editor-in-chief of Witch Way Magazine as well as writer and host of the podcast The Witch Daily Show.* Tonya is a Lenormand reader, medium, and magical guide for other witches.

*Formerly The Daily Witch.

Her other titles include Evolution of a Witch: 150 Journal Prompts for Witches; (Witch Way's Book of) 100 Love Spells; a children's book titled Tutty Learns About Witches; and The Hectic Witch's Planner (currently only for 2022 and 2023).

I'm already a fan of both her magazine and podcast (which I started listening to last year), though I have yet to check out her other works. It's encouraging to see a witch-positive children's book in the lineup, though.

As for the podcast, Brown does briefly recommend Lilith as a goddess that could be followed in the "Badass Goddesses" episode on January 17, 2023. This is, of course, problematic, but I haven't listened to each episode since then to see if she has recanted that statement or revised her perspective on the subject.

My Overall Review

I really enjoyed reading this book. Though it was designed as an introduction to witchcraft, I learned several new things and gained resources I didn't have before. The breakdown of spell structure is especially appealing to me, as at the time of this writing, I've just started writing my own spells.

The language Brown uses is conversational and easy to follow, using accessible vocabulary and staying on track through each subject. I greatly appreciated this aspect because we've all read enough books that meander and tangent into unrelated thoughts and information. We don't see that with Brown; her writing stays on task and only "wanders" to provide necessary context.

Additionally, where she makes claims or presents facts, she always cites her sources in a way that isn't distracting. It was quite refreshing to see in an area of study where sources are often an afterthought.

Final Word: I will definitely be keeping this on my bookshelf and I look forward to seeing more from Brown in the future. I do sincerely hope she'll be more thoughtful on the subject of Lilith in her podcast going forward, as well.

Thank you for staying with me throughout this review. I hope it helps you to make an informed decision if you've been pondering this title.