#tomorrow is going to be awful and I don't want it
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Hey guys,
Sorry that I wasn't all too active lately. This goes out to everyone, and especially to all the people whose messages/comments I haven't answered yet.
I've been feeling rather exhausted these last few days and today was especially bad. I hope that tomorrow will be better though.
What I actually wanted to say; I'm going to answer everyone in time. I do read everything, don't worry! And all of you make me smile equally as much as you make me cry. 🤍 (Tears of joy, of course!)
I'm trying not to pressure myself to answer quickly, because I want to take my time and answer every lovely message with the same amount of love and support I'm receiving from you. Every single comment or message means incredibly much to me. I don't want to just write anything to get it over with. Some of the messages you write me are so heartfelt and kind that I catch myself thinking about them often throughout the day. The amount of time and love invested by you has me in awe. Every sweet word from you has helped me (and still does) through a difficult time. I said it a few times and I'll say it again: All of you together reminded me that I love writing and how much joy it brings me. My life has been rather demanding lately and I often tend to forget myself, but writing this story and interacting with you guys really makes me feel like I got my spark back, the fire I was missing and the strength to take action.
Sorry for the novel. 😭 I went overboard again, didn't I?
The most important thing:
I love you!
Ps. I hope that I'll get to upload the next Part tomorrow!
🤍
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Hii I’m back again to ask if you could please write headcannons of how UD characters would react waking up & you telling them you had a dream of them having sex & feeling needy bc of it ?? (Assuming they’re together) 🙂↔️
𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭
Ooooo, okay! 👀
NSFW down below!
𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭
Josh ~ Ohhhhh God, Josh would be the biggest tease. It would also boost his ego by like 1000%. He has that much of an effect on you that you had an actual sex dream about him? Man, what a flex! And it was so good that you want him right now? He would chuckle at this, already sitting up and preparing to recreate the scene. He's really dedicated to recreating settings since he dreams of being a film producer.
"Awww, needy because you dreamed of me fucking you silly? Look at you, already soaked through your little panties. Lay back beautiful and let me do all the work. I got you."
𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭
Chris ~ The way this mf would blush omfg it would make his whole year! He actually made a girl have a sex dream so intense she's ready to go as soon as she wakes up? No fucking way. Making a girl dream about you is wild enough, let alone this! He would be jumping at the opportunity to fulfill your desires as soon as you tell him what the dream was about.
"Wait, wait, wait... You had a dream... About me? Wow... Wow... This is unbelievable. Lay back. Let me do this for you. I need to."
𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭
Mike ~ Ahhh Mike, Mike, Mike, Mike... Mike... Lmao he would be SO cocky. Even more than Josh, actually. Before you can even finish telling him about your dream, he's on top of you, already kissing your neck. He thinks he doesn't have to hear anymore, since he already knows every single thing that makes you tick.
"Shh, shh, shh. Let me take care of you, baby. You like that, yeah? Yeah? Let your big strong man make you feel good. You want that, huh? Just let me do the work, baby."
𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭
Matt ~ Matt would be the biggest sweetheart over it, chuckling fondly and planting a soft kiss to your forehead. He would listen intently, a dopey and tired smile on his face as he watches you rant away about every detail that happened in the dream. And then he would ask what specifically you would like him to do for you to make you feel as good as you felt when you were sleeping.
"Awe that's so sweet, babe. I'm even on your mind while you're dreaming, hm? Want me to do anything for you? Don't worry about it being late and me having football practice tomorrow. You come first. What do you need me to do for you?"
𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭
Sam ~ Sam would honestly be flattered that you had a dream about her. She would hold you, rub your back, and caress your hair as you tell her about your dream. Aw, you're so sweet and worked up right now for her. How did she get so lucky. Of course, she would want to help you in any way she can.
"Aww, sweetie. You don't have to ask me twice, okay? I'm here for you. Just lay back and relax, okay? I'll make you feel better."
𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭
Ashley ~ Y-You had a sex dream??? About her??? Wow, this is something Ashley has written about in her fanfics, but never even dreamed of it happening to her. She would be blushing wildly as you talked her through what danced in your mind as you slumbered, before bashfully asking if you want to recreate the moment in real life.
"Oh... Oh wow... I've only read about this stuff before but I didn't think it could be possible. Not for me. Would you... Would you want to do this... In real life... Like... Right now? No pressure, of course!"
𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭
Jess ~ Jess would be shocked. Like she plays it off cocky but she didn't think this would happen. She isn't all that confident in the effect she has on you, despite what she says. So to hear this boosts her ego a little bit. She wouldn't admit it to you, but it almost made her want to cry.
"You... You what? I-I mean, hell yeah! I bet I'm on that mind every night, huh? How about you just lay back and let me rock your world. I'll give you something to put you right back to sleep, baby."
𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭~𖹭
Emily ~ I'm gonna be blunt, Emily would be pissed that you woke her up. How fucking dare you disturb her beauty sleep?! But to hear that it was because you were needy for her eases her frustration just by a small amount. Still, that's not gonna stop her from taking her anger out on you just a little bit in a way you crave for.
"What the fuc— Are you fucking serious? I need my fucking sle— Oh... Oh... Okay, fine. Just this once. Now lay still while I get the cuffs..."
#until dawn#josh washington#josh washington x reader#josh washington smut#chris hartley#chris hartley x reader#chris hartley smut#mike munroe#mike munroe x reader#mike munroe smut#matt taylor#matt taylor x reader#matt taylor smut#sam giddings#sam giddings x reader#sam giddings smut#ashley brown#ashley brown x reader#ashley brown smut#jess riley#jess riley x reader#jess riley smut#emily davis#emily davis x reader#emily davis smut#synnysrequests#synnysheadcanons
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WOAH
wait shit fuck shit
I talk about Yoojin's webcomic suicide attempt under the cut in case anyone stumbles over here
okay so you know how Han Yoohyun found out Yoojin bought that poison pill and IMMEDIATELY jumped to the conclusion Yoojin was planning to off himself? Like, yes, extension and projection (boy's a multi-tasker) of Han Yoohyun's own paranoia and fear of Yoojin being in danger/captured/dead due to his association with him, sure, of course, whatever, but ALSO
In the webcomic (and during the chapters the author apparently had a huge hand in), Han Yoojin tries to death-by-dragon himself in front of Yoohyun right before the regression. I KNOW the Immoral Ones said Han Yoohyun being dead when the regression happened means he wasn't "overlapped" the way, say, Sung Hyunjae was, but...like. What if just a little bit got through anyway? What if?
(Or, hell, it doesn't even have to be that. Realistically, it's way more likely Han Yoohyun is reacting subconsciously to things he's picking up in Yoojin's behavior considering this is less than 24 hours after Yoojin tried to straight up kill himself, and he has no idea that happened, yes, but it did happen and he's watching the aftermath just ??? chewing on what he's seeing. Yoohyun doesn't have to be doing it consciously to still be churning up variables his brain then uses to slam 2 and 2 together as best it can under it's current contextual understanding as soon as it has an excuse.) (Look, Yoojin can pretend as hard as he wants that being flung to the past means Everything Is Fine Now and None Of The Bad Has Actually Happened So Of Course He No Longer Has Trauma About It but that is not how people work, my good man. He reached the point of attempting suicide! That does not happen in five seconds!)
But also consider: Han Yoohyun and reoccurring garbled waking nightmares springing up on him out of nowhere of The Literal Worst Day Of His Every Fucking Life ie. the day hyung almost died and then almost died again on purpose- that was so The Worst, even his past-self who has no idea what the fuck is going on is feeling it. 25yo Han Yoohyun breaking reality because he died with one of his last realizations being exactly how much he hurt his favorite person in the whole world, and therefore not one single version of him should ever know peace again. Accidentally. But also not because if he could have done that on purpose, he absolutely would. Han Yoohyun, to himself: Suffer.
You know. Healthily.
These boys give me anxiety.
#suicide tw#tbh though I don't really think he does becauseI feel like his attempts to cram yoojin into a box would have gone through the roof if he di#han yoohyun being absolutely off the rails in the early chapters regarding yoojin's safety#makes about 40% more sense when you look at yoojin from the perspective of anyone who is not yoojin#honestly though yoojin's behavior immediately after the regression is a major red flag#do you think yoohyun has had to sit through semiannual suicide prevention training?#because if that isn't mandatory in guilds yet it definitely should be#reading sctir#am I saying obvious things?#probably#incoherent things? yeah definitely#it's way past my bedtime in my defense#am I going to sleep though? no.#tomorrow is going to be awful and I don't want it
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It's crazy how I can be like "I'm having a depressive episode" until I'm with the right people and then it's like oh no I'm ok actually
#i AM having a depressive episode going on a couple weeks now and it's a bit alarming#exacerbated by anxiety and uncertainty and my inability to handle my roommate situation#but tonight i watched the kids for small group and read them all my favorite picture books#(we got to the end of The Snowman and one little girl was like ''i don't like that when he melts because it is sad''#and one of the twins said ''i like it'')#and i told a couple people how awful my week has been and we commiserated in matter-of-fact tones#and i messed around on my phone and read gaudy night while my CG mom and dad did lesson prep and watched basketball#and now i'm going to bed and like actually i'm ok now#tomorrow will probably bring more tears and anger and deep exhaustion at the thought of doing anything#but oh well. we soldier on. in prayer and fellowship#(i hate the observable track record of my depression being tied to obvious and beyond-my-control life situations#but on the bright side there's a presumed end date for this one#and when i look back i remember less of the depression and more of the spiritual change that happened underneath it#hoping praying for the same to come out of now)#oh yeah and earlier i hung out with a friend and her shocked disbelief that i got rejected from the job i wanted#was really a balm on troubled waters. everyone else has just been sad and sympathetic#outsourcing the incredulous anger is helpful#i haven't seen her in a while since she had a baby and i forgot how much it helps to talk through academia stuff with her
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Aw man...
#Vent incoming wee woo wee woo#Goooood man I feel so. Stressed and anxious cuz of my job#I hate it. I hate trying not to cry every 5 minutes#I hate the feeling in my chest. It's like someone is poking really hard into it#It's almost suffocating#I feel awful. Every little thing makes me angry. I don't want to be angry at ppl who did nothing wrong. I don't want to be like this#I really wish I wasn't like this. Why can't I be more calm and normal#I feel like I need a good cry. But I don't have anywhere to go for that#When I'm at home I don't feel like crying cuz I purposefully distract myself from stress#But I do feel like crying at work#But ofc I can't cry at work#And even at the end of the Day when going home I'm too tired to cry. Plus it would look weird for other ppl walking by...#I hate this. I get all stressed durring work but then I can't let it out#I have work rn. And tomorrow#I'm just gonna have to feel awful until my Days off come#God. I really hate venting. I don't like ppl seeing me like this but. I don't have anything else left to relieve the pain#I just don't know what to do anymore#Where to go#Whatever. This feeling will go away eventually#It will come back ofc#I just wish there was a better way to ease the pain. But again. I don't have a place for that#So I'll just have to seat w these feelings until they go away#I'll try to keep myself distracted. Which will be hard cuz I. Am at work. The place which makes me feel these things in the first place#But whatever! I'll try anyways#I'll look at art. Or I'll think about characters that I like...#Save me fictional characters. Save me!!#Anyways. Vent over 🎉
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hunched over my dinner crying today. Grief is heavy, almost a physical thing. i will forget my father's voice, and he will not speak to me again to remind me of it. i will forget the bad things that happened, but i will also forget the good ones. I will forget how he looked when he smiled, before he was sick, before everything was so awful and i couldn't hold space for him in my life the way I wanted to. i will forget what holding his hand felt like — i think i have forgotten already. it has been years. i keep thinking if I turn around and try hard enough, i could respool time. probably. i could catch the moment things slipped into inevitable, impending death, and I could shatter it. i keep thinking I can do it, still, rewrite the past and the future and the present. there will be a second chance; there has to be — this is the voice in my head. i will miss him, i think. and so much. i will love him, always, and be angry with him, and hate him a little. the world keeps moving. and i keep looking at it from my window. for once, i don't want to go outside. i don't want it to be real.
#im sorry i am having a hard night. i have to go back to university tomorrow#and i have to study the thing that killed him#bc rhe universe hates me and likes laughing in my face — i chose this degree before he died and then he died and i knew he was goinf to die#before the doctor told my mother. bc i was learning about the thing that killed him. isn't that just awful?#i am not ready#i don't want to go#but i have to.#god. can the hurt stop for one fucking second
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Hi everybody, sorry to have been so quiet lately! 2025 started off a little rough on this end but it's probably quite a bit rougher for some of you across the pond for reasons we all know and loathe already. Despite that, I hope life is treating you okay (or will start getting better soon - some of you have been through some really rough patches which none of you deserve and I wish things were better for you all 🙁) Just a smol life update about a little somebody I haven't mentioned for a while - R.orschach, my corn snake! It's been one whole year since he came home with me way back in 2024 as an itty bitty shoelace and he's uh, grown quite a bit since living it up in his lovely big vivarium?
Unfortunately it's the best photo of us since my health hasn't been the best these last few months (curse you winter!) but I'm determined not to let 2025 be a shitty year for writing like 2024 was! Making a spot of dinner really quick and then we'll see about tackling an ask or two. After not writing for a while, it's daunting af to even look at what's waiting but thank you all so much for your patience and love! Really hoping to get connected with you all again in spite of how awful the world state is rn. Keep holding on as best you can, people - nothing is forever and things will get better soon! <3
#;; mun bullshit#;; munday#snake tw#Really don't like doing mundays bc I look so awful but eh!#Lymphadema's been shitty this winter so it's affected mood quite a bit#Didn't like to go on about it bc you guys all have your own troubles atm but Ror and his little bp brother helps <3#He's so big now!#He'll be 2 sometime in... April-September?#Never got a birthday for him other than he's a 2023 baby#Ate his first big mouse last Monday and already wants another but he needs to wait until tomorrow at least!#What a difference a year makes!#Right to cook dinner real quick agsfs#Sweet and sour pork with mongolian lamb noodles#Chores up the wazoo again :')
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🧍♀️ the karaoke event I've been excited about all week is from 8-11 and we're supposed to have a severe snowstorm from 6pm-9am
#im going to keep an eye on the weather i think#i wanna go but I also don't want to be an idiot#we're supposed to get 10 inches which is way more than the previous snow we've had#anddddd the event is like a half hour away from my apartment#BUT only 15 minutes away from my parents house so i guess if i go and the roads get awful i could just stay with them maybe#i can't tell if im being a weenie and self sabotaging by considering canceling over the weather#or if its a justified safety concern#things to note: i am good at driving in the snow#my car has awd#and the route to this place is all main roads so they'll be heavily salted#but also ill have to park on the street and if it snows enough that they have to plow that will for sure be an issue#ALSO i have a book club meeting tomorrow planned with the same people i have plans to go to karaoke with soooo#im overthinking this. as you can probably tell#julia speaks
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#im getting treatment and caring for myself so i will be fine don't worry#but i woke up this morning with bilateral back pain so the uti got worse overnight#because i couldn't get the antibiotics until this afternoon#so im still in pain and today was awful for other stupid reasons and im exhausted but also so upset at the idea of sleeping#i had a dozen mandatory things to do today and so i had to cancel the one thing i REALLY wanted to do (TTRPG group) because i was too tired#and roleplaying takes effort and we are about to roll initiative#so I had to do all the bad shit and cancel the good shit so nothing good at all happened today#so i do not want to go to sleep#but im too tired to even work on a puzzle because sitting up hurts marginally more#tomorrow will be better though so i guess there's a good reason to go to sleep#ughhhhh#rambling again
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Lol I keep on doing this, saying I'd come back to tumblr to only disappear again 😂😭
#and i hate it bc i miss being on here#but also i don't have to force myself or feel guilty for it#bc if i'm fr being on social media is just so time consuming and also not what is good for my mental health often#and that includes tumblr#it's not even that it's a toxic place (at least not the content i'm consuming) but sometimes i just rather spend my time with people irl#meeting someone than on social media and like focus on my life#the last month or so was just really difficult for me and i haven't been feeling so bad mentally in forever#i mean it always is like that that time of the year but i feel like i was worse this year#whenever autumn comes around with the darkness and cold i seem to hit a low mentally#when i tell you how much better my mood is in summer spring how much better i feel everyday regardless of everything else#i get people like autumn but for me its literally the worst and winter too altough at some point it gets better#maybe i adapt and maybe because i spend more time outside around christmas when i go home that's usually a turning point#and ig also the lights of december make it a bit better#but mid october to november is awful#this year the weather was much worse beginning of october was much worse#i feel like i lowkey have this seasonal mood disorder idk#but i barely managed to go to classes and i had no motivation#usually i always make myself study and do the things i have to atleast altough i often terribly procrastinate#but now i was barely able to do this and i had things to do but i couldn't make myself i missed a deadline closely#luckily my professors are the best but i felt so horrible for it how i was unable to get it done#sunlight is just so good for my mood and ik how doctors say how you should avoid it because you can get skincancer#but like i'd rather than my mental health being this bad (not that i want either)#i already miss summer so much and being happier#but tbh i haven't felt this good as I do today in weeks and even this whole week was better#i exercised more than usual altough i tried to in the last weeks i couldn't as often as i normally do so maybe this actually helps a lot#and i studied yesterday today and i will tomorrow i finally feel motivation again#besides i also tried to break up with my bf so that was also tough but i couldn't lol#i tried talking to him and tell him in the nicest way but he didn't get what i was trying to do and i couldn't say more bc i felt horrible#but maybe that's for the better altough i had these thoughts for a while that he just isn't the one for me and that we're too different...#i do really like him as a person the way he treats me and i'm still into him but i just felt like it wouldn't work
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#gonna ramble about irl here so people don't have to read it unless they want to#so because I got covid and couldn’t leave my bed I've essentially lost my job#I've told my manager I'm okay to go back to work#even if my body is still sore#but she's only given me a 3 hour shift a week#and you guessed it!#it's the late shift#the one where it takes me almost 2 hours to get home from#she's being so petty with me#and I am so behind in rent#I've applied for government assistance and I have a meeting with them tomorrow#I really hope they can help because I feel awful#I'm also annoyed at myself because I can't find my knee brace ANYWHERE#I thought I could find one for around $10 but nope!#the closest stores selling them are like $25+ so that's fun#I don't know when I'll be able to draw again#I'm so stressed again about money and secueing work#hopefully once I can get govt assistance at least I can enjoy life again#also I tried to ask the zine that still owes me money if they could finally send payment but they still keep delaying it with excuses#I'm so desperate it's shameful
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#deleting later haterism situation#i want tomorrow to be really inasne and exciting for a lot of reasons just like bc dnp deserve it and so do phannies trekking out-#-there. but i am on the other hand like. if i miss something really big with dnp tomorrow because im like#head under water busy for hours and hours after a week where im busy for hours and hours going into a month where im like#drowning. and then i keep finding out in the in betweens that they did something new and exciting and im like oh cool. discovering this#8 hours later for about fiv eminutes then i have to go do work for like 4 hours like.#i don't know. i want tomorrow to be good but i think if they like kiss on stage or hold hands or something and i miss it#i will be genuinely extremely sad and i hope yall will forgive me for the person i might be in that case#im also just in pms insane hell where everthing is awful to me but i dont know. i just hope its like. not crazy.#bc if they fucking hard launch tmrw and i just totally miss it because i was in a meeting i would be miserable#like for maybe the rest of my entire life. ykwim
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well boss said reese has no indication of any uti or crystals only a tiny amount of red blood cells which can be caused by the manual expression. coworker insisted there was no point in taking rads to see if he's blocked from the string so going to try some laxaire and hope 😬🤞🏻also then my boss gave me a ride to the bus stop so i didn't have to carry the huge crate which was uncharacteristically nice of him 🤨
#already plotting in my head how trying to get him into emergency surgery on the weekend would go and its not great#on account of the fact that i simply do not have enough thousands of dollars for the er proper. or a way to get there but i could probably#figure that one out but not so much the money#he had a god awful time he had to see a d*g and that was horrible he hissed at it (chihuahua less than 1/3 his size)#he was SO scared i feel horrible and i almost cried a lot of times just from looking at him 😭#anyway i'm glad we did a ua though that does help some of my anxiety but now the problem is the string#it probably had a big knot in it so i'm not totally convinced it would even be able to exit the stomach but if it did thats terrifying#i don't think it was super long just the big knot#coworker also insisted strings cant cause blockages only intussuseptions which does not sound right to me particularly if it was a bulky#but not long string such as this one. but what do i m#*know#i'm still really stressed and we have to move tomorrow ugh#i forgot to grab the laxaire at the clinic so i'm going to have to go out and get some but i have to go drop off a goodwill bag anyway#ugh also while my coworker was trying to get pee from him she said “if you bite me i'll smack you in the face i dont care if your moms here”#and i didnt say anything but if she had done that i think i would have lost my mind. what the fuck is wrong with you#she is like that with all of the animals and it drives me insane or like she'll brag about how her rottweiler lifted his lip at her so she#beat him and stepped on his head (???) like some would accurately identify this as animal abuse and yet youre a vet tech???#like these animals are all having a horrible day why the fuck don't you have two seconds of patience instead of immediately going to#“oh you threatened to bite me let me force you into tonic immobility”. again what the fuck is wrong with you#same woman who justified hitting kids in the face btw. of course#my boss is actually much nicer to them for the most part than she is he's just a total douche to people (me) its weird#like i just think you should not have made your lifes work being a vet tech if you think its cool and fine to smack dogs and cats around for#not immediately doing what you want or for expressing discomfort or fear#and they are almost all fear reactive i think there have been maybe two cats that i would describe as aggressive and not just fear reactive#and i'm probably wrong honestly! theres always a reason#anyway. please everyone pray or vibe or whatever that my cat doesnt get his guts tied in knots because i dont have $10000 and his insurance#doesn't kick in for two weeks i think (i got it last night in a panic having intended to do it months ago but thought he had to have a vet#relationship in order to get it)#i'm still really scared lol. god bless#me
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#sooo#if it wasn't for the tumblrs I follow#and for 1644#I would really want to shoot myself in the head#work is getting awful#just right at the time when I want to do something actually useful#a hobby I was meant to do a long time ago but could start only now#my morale is down#and let's not talk about my finances#oh boy#this is the first time when I actually don't know how I will actually pay for everything this month#i had so many plans#like purchasing that fucking sofa#but I have barely enough money to buy groceries#this is the first time I'm in this situation#and I'm kinda loosing it#I bought books for a lecture#I signed up for a lecture#i was going somewhere with this#and I don't know where I fucked up#so in the last days of the month I probably eat only rice#literally#yay#but also if a train hit me tomorrow I wouldn't complain because what I have to do at work is giving me the depression of a life time
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they should make a rope tow for your backyard that you don't have to build yourself or spend 9k for
#i just want to sled like a lazy person#fr the hill in my yard is sooo steep it's fun to go down but getting back up is awful#i literally have energy to do it like twice#i usually walk the long way around the bottom of the hill and up the road and across the field back to the top of the hill#instead of going straight back up#bc it's a much gentler slope but it's quite a walk#fr there used to be some kind of wacky homemade rope tow with a tractor here at one point but no more#it literally needs one#every friend who has ever come sledding at my house has said in their own wow this hill needs a ski lift#bc its a serious hike back to the top 😂#but it's great to sled down so i keep inviting people#i have some friends coming tomorrow who have never gone sledding here before#and most of them ski so i know they're gonna say something 😂#i'm literally looking into rope tows and they're 9k which is crazy#everyone seems to build their own but i am not that handy of technical minded#but what i am is lazy 😌#and broke#and i think i deserve one anyway <3#i think everyone should have one of these#or they need to invent the hover sled that will fly u back to the top of the hill#it seems like there should be an easy way to get back up tbh#just a rope and a car at the top or something but the car can't drive in a foot of snow lol#but there must be a cheap lazy solution here#there are some people with homemade ones and i think they make back the cost by charging people to use it for skiing#but i literally can't build one and i don't think anyone would pay to ski my hill bc it's a nice steep hill but there's nowhere to go#once you get to the bottom that's it you can just go back to the top and start over#but maybe as a sledding hill some local people might pay a little for that idk#but i dont want a bunch of randos doing that at my house then like suing me if they hit a tree at the bottom lol#but literally the cost of a tow rope makes it impossible even if it was homemade and im not handy anyway#but it would be so nice lol
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Feeling cold and lonely and awful time to read Queen of the Damned I guess
#i am only feeling lonely and awful because it's so cold i'm pretty sure#qotd#i was going to go to bed and start it tomorrow. but i don't want to
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