#tomb robbing shenanigans

[lindwurmkai]

*listening to 你的目光*

...that sure was just 瓶邪铁三角黑花 all in a row 😳

[pantmonger]

The Infinite & the Divine.

Interesting book. I can't say I was as wowed by it as the greater community. It was a solid story, lots of lore chunks & references if that's your thing. Some apt humour (My partners a collections manager)

My Thoughts, beware spoilers:

I'm going to get my biggest gripe out of the way first. For me, it took way to long for the characters to develop in a way that I could give a shit about them. The back and forth shenanigans were funny, but over-long, and took ages to develop into an actual personality. Once it finally did, I was on board. We got to the deeper, them not trusting their memories, thing and it become more engaging. Their understanding that their past may be more c'tan fiction. That part of the foundations of their rivalry may not be real. This 'humanised' them, and for me made it worth reading where prior it was a couple of wacky charactures doing silly things.

My other minor gripes were that it seemed to lean on a lot of expected knowledge. A lot of the necron vehicles were description lite, like you should know what the toy looked like. The fight with the c'tan was also frustrating. Having a fist fight with god as your climax, is not something I personally find satisfying. I have no frame of reference. Does X hurt them, if yes how much. How is the battle going? Are the protags making headway? You always know its going to have to be something abstract that undoes them, so the rest feels like bridging. Now that's out of the way, the good. It's funny. There is a good mix of witticisms, barbs, slapstick and cerebral humour combined with a silly rivalry and the humour of the slow turning wheels of bureaucracy and law. It makes it an entertaining read. It gives a good insight to the nature of a immortal glacial race. How they see cultures rise and fall. And how for one that makes them insignificant, for the other worthy of (sterile) preservation if not respect. It shows how their soulless eternity robs them of all but the most abstract pursuits, rendering them characters worthy of pity. Not what I thought I would feel in a book about (former) murder robots.

As per usual, I'll end with some funny/pithy quotes from the book.

“...when the Necron legions were destined to awaken, all of their literature, history and discourses would be accessible, a mnemonic copy sent to the library of each tomb world. A great work for the benefit of all... …and besides, if all the tomb worlds had their own archives, no researchers would come to muck about in his. Nobody touching his precious manuscripts, or asking obnoxious questions” Collection manager humour :P Showing more of the unreliable narrator baked into the setting with humans thinking Aeldari buildings were from the emperor. “They told Trazyn fantastical stories of a primordial past, when the emperor and his angels had called this world home. The emperor himself had called these great structures from the earth, growing them from the planet itself. They looked strange yes, but many things from that otherworldly age would look strange to us now.”

Necrons becoming human legends (this bit was great) “Storming through the square, meeting the greenskin onslaught, were a group of Space Marines: unusually tall and thin space marines. Their helmets fashioned as learning skull masks... … 'silver skulls chapter defeats the ork invasion' Trazyn said with clear relish.

A cool bit of psychological insight to the flayer virus. “You have been made souless, but take the flesh of others and you may once again be whole.”

And I'll end on a bit of the funny between the rivals Trazyn and Orikan. Temporary allies Trazyn opens a dimensional container to bring in reinforcements to aid them. “Out of it stepped Trazyn the infinite, tile cloak shifting and clicking as he marched from the rift. Followed by another, and another. Rank upon rank of overlords wielding warscythes... … 'I most certainly had this nightmare before said Orikan”

[nasuversekinkmeme]

Weekly Roundup: Prompts

In light of an upcoming Honkai Star rail character, Jiaoqiu, Jiang Ziya and Koyanskaya making out. This somehow produces Jiaoqiu and they are both like, “What the heck!? How did this happen!?” Bonus points if the making out session turns out to be literal hate sex.

Post F/GO main storyline, Gudako is at the clock tower bc they’re a bunch of asses and want to dissect her cadaver and she wants to file her taxes on time or some-other bs, while visiting she meets Rin during her studies, they’re introduced to each other by Waver/Reins/Gray and bond over the common experience of being a servants master, the intricacies and limitations of command spells, and how to abuse said command spells. Optional: ship’em, like seriously, there’s not ONE crack ship of these two I DON’T NEED IT I DON’T NEED IT I DO- Romance (and by extension, smut if you want, would be appreciated, but far from necessary, no wait this is a crack ship that shits mandatory \s) Clocktower shenanigans with Waver/Reins/Gray/Luvia etc etc Some servants still popping in for a visit every now and then, example scenarios; servants meeting their vessels, Melusine warping them (Gudako+Rin/Waver/Reins/Gray) into the spiritual tomb, Morgan trying to takeover/overthrow the government, Castoria taking the aforementioned group for a day trip to Avalon, Ishtar attempting to takeover/rob a bank or jewellers shop, any powerful or renowned castor generally being depressed at the state of magecraft/the-clocktower, dickwizard doing dickwizard things, etc etc Happy ending for Eggplant, either as a throuple, Gudako/Rin/Mash, or otherwise atleast mentioned to be doing well (possible space for MashxMorgan or MashxAsec)

Mephistopheles in the suit from the Second Anniversary but with Mephistopheles’s in-game hairstyle would be so epic

[weekend-whip]

Wait okay. So book 2 ends November seventh. Where are we now? September?

*rolls up sleeves* ALL RIGHT, WE’RE DOING THIS EARLY

Book 2/ Season 1 Timeline LETS GOOOOO:

August 29th: Reveal of the Elemental Compass/Green Ninja Prophecy (Chapter 1) (Monday) 

August 30th: School Shopping/Jamanakai Visit 1 (Chapter 2-4) (Tuesday)

August 31st: Dumbasses Get Grounded (Chapter 5) (Wednesday)

September 4th: Last Day of Summer Vacation, Lloyd Meets Mystake, Fuchsia Ninja First Appearance (Chapter 6) (Sunday)

September 5th: First Day of School (Chapter 7+8) (Monday)

September 6th: Lloyd opens Serpentine Tombs (Chapter 9) (Tuesday)

September 7th: Jamanakai Visit 2, (Chapter 10, First Part of 11) (Wednesday)

September 8th: Nya’s First Outburst (Rest of Chapter 11) (Thursday)

September 9th: Cole makes Duck Chowder Glue (Chapter 12) (Friday)

September 10th: Lloyd burns down the Monastery (Chapter 13, Part of 14) (Saturday)

September 11th: Ninja find the Bounty (Chapter 14) (Sunday)

September 12th: Jay’s Parents Visit, Ninja Skip School (Chapter 15) (Monday)

September 13th: Jay’s Parents Get Bit (First Part of 16) (Tuesday) 

September 14th: Rest of Snakebit Episode (Chapter 16) (Wednesday)

September 15th: “Generic” School Day (Chapter 17) (Thursday) 

September 16th: Attack on Darkley’s (Chapter 18) (Friday)

September 17th: Lloyd Switches Sides (Chapter 19+20) (Saturday) 

September 18th: TOMB RAIDING (Chapter 21) (Sunday)

September 19th: Lloyd Pranks Ninja (Chapter 22) (Monday)

September 20th: “Rumor Arc” (Chapter 23+24) (Tuesday)

September 21st-23rd: Samurai X Shenanigans (Chapter 25) (With Lloyd’s 14th Birthday sandwiched in there)

September 24th: New Suits! + Lloyd gets kidnapped (Chapter 26) (Saturday)

September 25th: Nya Revealed as Samurai, Wu leaves (Chapter 27) (Sunday)

October 3rd: Zane Gets Ripped...Apart (Chapter 28) (Monday)

October 4th: Zane’s True Potential (Chapter 29+30) (Tuesday)

October 5th: Zane’s Outburst/ Fuchsia Revealed (Chapter 31) (Wednesday)

October 6th: Jay’s 16th Birthday (Chapter 32) (Thursday)

October 7th: Kai Becomes the Godfather (Chapter 32) (Friday)

October 8th: Jay asks out Nya!! (Chapter 32) (Saturday)

October 9th: Dinner With the Walkers (Chapter 33) (Sunday)

October 10th-12th: Jay Hides His Snakeness (Chapter 33) 

October 13th: Field Trip/Jay’s True Potential (Chapter 34) (Thursday)

October 17th: Jay’s Outburst; Everyone Gets Detention (Chapter 35) (Monday)

October 20th: Jesse Tries to Ask Out Cole (Chapter 37) (Thursday)

October 21st: Cole Makes Bad Trophy Decisions (Chapter 37) (Friday)

October 22nd: Cole Robs His Dad/Cole’s Outburst (Chapter 38) (Saturday)

October 26th: Talent Show!/Cole’s True Potential (Chapter 39) (Wednesday)

October 27th: AFTERSHOCK / Jesse’s Outburst (Chapter 40) (Thursday)

October 29th: Day of the Departed (Chapter 41) (Saturday)

October 30th: Autumn Fest, Wu/Garm Return (Chapter 42) (Sunday) (WE ARE HERE!!!!!!) 

October 31st: Halloween, [REDACTED] (Chapter 43) (Monday) 

. . . 

SUBJECT TO CHANGE: 

All of Nothing: November 1st-3rd

Rise of the Great Devourer: November 4th (Friday) (Give or Take)

Day of the Great Devourer: November 5th (Saturday) (Also the day of the Rally Miranda mentioned  <-- very important)

Aftermath: November 6th-7th

Start Season 2: Technically November 11th (Friday) (Because this is basically how S2 followed S1 in the first place snksnk)

[sketchyonlooker]

((Intermezzo for Bonz vs Bakura! The original post is made by Rayne and is linked It’s a really really fun read, and you’ll likely need it for the full picture later on cause of Shadow Game Shenanigans!))

< 

A streamed video has been uploaded with commentary on the side.

Gravestones as far as the eye could see in the twilight. No people were in the area, just a still quiet that was occasionally interrupted by the faint rustling of  wind.

>

I’mYourDaddy (v): You know, this doesn’t look like a place where strong duelists would be at.

BlueEyesBlondeDragon (v): That’s what I kept telling you all. We should’ve had sketchy wait at the designated area, so we don’t potentially miss the Battle City Finals. Instead, we’re out here in the middle-of-nowhere graveyard because of a stupid flier that said “strong duelists here?” you serious?

I’mYourDaddy (v): Chill lol. DMGBeloved is already there keeping an eye out at Domino Stadium and will let us know if duelists start coming and entering. Speaking of, any activity? @/DMGBeloved

DMGBeloved (v): Not really. Not unless you count some bodyguard guy looking like he’s about to have a nervous breakdown.

I’mYourDaddy (v): See! We’re golden!

Capu4Life (v): KAIBA SENT FROWNY MASK GUY FALLING TO HIS DEATH. AND SMILEY – SORRY I MEAN MARIK 2.0 DID SOMETHING TO JOEY THAT MADE BOTH KAIBA AND YUGI TAKE A HELICOPTER TO GO SAVE HIM.

ExodiaTheBaffledOne (v): Yeah yeah we know. You’ve repeated that like 200 times.

Capu4Life (v): That’s because people are ignoring the elephant in the room. It’s like you’re all in collective denial or something. And that’s boring.

CardGamesSon (v): Well to be fair Frowny Mask had a parachute and was just knocked out when sketchy found him after taking the elevator.

BlueEyesBlondeDragon (v): And then shoved the pointy end of Frowny’s duel disk into his nose several times before robbing him of said Duel Disk. Like they did all those other times. You know sketchy, you have a problem.    

Capu4Life (v): Oh yeah @/sketchyonlooker. How generic looking are you? There were like police and an ambulance outside, and you just waltzed out of the building right in front of them? After an explosion happened? And no one asked questions?

I’mYourDaddy (v): I’m actually curious about that too. Where are you keeping all those Duel Disks? They aren’t exactly inconspicuous. And you have what? Four now? One from that “squashed like a bug” guy, Marik 1.0, Marik 2.0, and then Frowny Mask.

 <

The view of the graveyard was interrupted briefly by a view of a pair of legs with folded Duel Disks attached to them.

A moment later, the viewpoint shifted to reveal an additional Duel Disk around each arm.

>

I’mYourDaddy (v): …Why do I pay taxes again?

Capu4Life (v):  lol u pay taxes. Anyway what do you think is going on with Kaiba and the rest? Or Marik 2.0’s claims of “I’ve been waiting to fight for a thousand years” or “I’ve assessed both your decks through the eyes of my rare hunters.” Or the best one yet “Revenge of the tomb guaaardians” oo oOOO oO oO OOO

BlueEyesBlondeDragon (v): Marik’s Middle School syndrome aside. I just want to say that I was the one who suggested sketchy chase the helicopter. But apparently robbing Marik 2.0 of his Duel Disk after he was done being a “puppet” was more important.

DMGBeloved (v): To be fair, that helicopter flew away pretty fast. The only way Sketchy was getting on was if they hung onto the landing gear.

Capu4Life (v): I’m starting to think BEBD really wants that 20 to life prison lifestyle.

BlueEyesBlondeDragon (v): Shut up. But honestly sketchy you should take more initiative as a streamer. There were so many lost opportunities because you just don’t pay attention. 

BlueEyesBlondeDragon (v): You should focus on what you think your audience’s interests are! Focus on people’s faces when big things happen. Take extreme close-ups. Catch their faces in the moment of their defeat – of their life points reaching zero!

CardGamesSon (v): Did Sketchy notice something?

<

The viewpoint turned suddenly as if something caught its attention – and then suddenly dashed forward. The scenery rapidly changed as gravestones, trees, and offerings were run past.

The wisps of fog that were present grew thicker and thicker as more and more distance was covered.

And before long, the fog obscured more than the darkness did - to the point where even sketchy's hands couldn't be seen anymore.

Just an endless fog with the cameraman lost in the middle.

>

[reliquiaenfr]

I would, akshually, like to know more about the Coterie! What's their base look like at the cove, and are they managed by that paladin-looking spiral?

ohhhh you are in such luck because when i was reorganising my lair a while back i actually went through google finding some ref pics to use for the different parts of the lair and the coterie was one i had a really solid idea about.

bleakwater - both the island and the town - i imagine have a real innsmouth vibe to them, but the coterie and castle cordolium aren't technically part of the town, they're outside, and i did such a hard core vibe swap when i did that oops.

the coterie is a sort of compound, greco-roman stylings, but it was all run down when nim moved in, like an abandoned vineyard with lots of big spaces and a manor-type house with outbuildings and storage sheds. it has a wall all the way around it made of pale stone, it was crumbling in places but that was the first thing nim had patched up.

the buildings are whitewashed with red tile roofs, there are fluted columns (think corinthian or ionic stylisations), lots of open tiled areas with gardens and walkways and fountains and ponds and shit like that. this was clearly a very wealthy place but it fell into disrepair and the coterie are still fixing it back up.

this sort of look but more crumbling and overgrown with vines, shrubs coming through the pavement, whitewash flaking, all that stuff. they're fixing it up, but none of the members of the coterie (at the current time) are especially good at construction lmao. and they're all pretty wary of outsiders.

the coterie's lands sit on the south-facing side of bleakwater island, looking directly towards the canyon on mainland dragonhome. (bleakwater cove - the town - is on the north-east side, it's a dingy, dour place but it's in a good spot for trade between the labyrinth and dragonhome, and castle cordolium is on the east side overlooking the town, there's not a lot of distance between the three locations, you could walk all the way around the island in a day, it's a small place, but yeah)

and yep! nim runs the coterie... as much as anyone really runs the place.

she is a paladin, absolutely - i considered giving her a sword and shield but it cluttered up her outfit too much so just pretend for me, i felt she deserved a nice hat, too, but same problem. nim's hometown was destroyed by a powerful and greedy mage and she's hated most magic ever since. it has it's uses, but she doesn't trust it or anyone who uses it. she doesn't like monsters, doesn't like things that are beyond her fairly narrow understanding of the world. magic and creatures that are "abnormal" scare her and she wants to "keep others safe from them".

(this is kind of ironic given the company she keeps and the other inhabitants of the island, like... nim, honey... no one here is normal but she's a "means justify ends" kinda girl)

over time, she put together the coterie as it currently is and... yeah she might be drinking the copium about it because arisen is the amalgamation and reanimated ghostly conglomerate of a bunch of people who died at sea, hadal is a straight up sea monster (she and arisen do not get on), talamh is a tomb-raider style archaeologist who uses necromancy to uncover the secrets of the places she's robbing, her brother is an assassin, and aodar is the normalest of them all by being a blacksmith. but like. none of these people are the sort of company a Good And Pure Paladin like nim should be hanging around with you feel me? she's doing her best. and they all gave her Very Valid Reasons for joining the coterie. (like arisen's whole schtick is that they want to stop other folks from falling victim to weird shenanigans at sea, we aren't sure why she tolerates hadal, tho)

tuamach (the assassin) picked up some rumours about a safe haven for the kind of monsters and weirdos nim is always looking for and that's when they set up proper camp in the manor on bleakwater. because that safe haven is just over the water in reliquary canyon. and nim is determined to figure out what kind of monstrosities are hidden in there and see if she can't... eradicate them.

she's set up as a low-key villain for the reliquary but like... not really. eventually she's going to realise that she's been hanging out with monsters all along and maybe they're not so bad.

my fun fact about nim actually is that she's named after the little sea monster baby from the show surface. its name was nimrod but the kid called it nim for short and i thought it would be funny to name a dragon who dislikes monsters after one.

[nemainofthewater]

Halfway through and currently Ghost Valley is winning with 41.9%, followed by Wu Xie | Wu family digs with 15.7%, and then in third the SID with 13.1%.

There is so much propaganda that we need two posts! The first of the propaganda under the cut:

Wu Xie | Wu family digs

#i picked wu family#there is always a non-zero chance that the laoban#is actually an imposter in a face mask#for nefarious and/or benevolent reasons#while the boss is running plots under someone else's name#illegality requires complicated accounting#or maybe all the work just got shoved off onto poor wang meng again who does not get paid enough#let! the man! sweep!!! by @thelaithlyworm

#100% Wu fam#lucky little shits by @onmyo-jin

#Wu family for sure by @the-gail

#oh god this is tricky#of these the objectively most chaotic is ghost valley#but imo that's also straining the definition of 'workplace' to the breaking point#so I went for wu family expeditions#those are pretty maximally chaotic#truly you never know what's going to happen when you follow wu xie anywhere#just that it's surely going to be life-threatening somehow by @silver-grasp

#wu xie#look they are really a normal family#where there might be some people with guns#also some elders#and the dogs#dont forget they raise dogs#also kinda sorta raid tombs#also they forget to pay people by @1ebilcat

#as an archeologist#the wu family digs are a Nightmare Scenario by @ofyeoldetales

Zhao Yujin's Mansion

#polls#okay i'm sitting here trying to figure out if 'wu family digs' means 'digs' as in 'place of residence'#or 'archaeological digs' (which they definitely are no tomb robbing to be seen here mr government official oh no)#because the chaos level of the first day is going to vary drastically depending on which of those is the case#if it's the house than on your first day you're probably going to commit forgery assault or arson at most#whereas if it's the other a zombie could be gnawing on your leg by lunchtime#either way you've probably already fallen in love with wu xie sorry about that#anyway i'm actually voting for zhao yujin's manor because I think that fits the spirit of 'chaos' better#wu family is more just outright 'living in fear for your life' by @foxofninetales <- the digs are archaelogical ones, but I wouldn't want to work at their house either tbh

The SID

#I picked SID but ghost valley is a good choice#like IDK I feel like as a grunt ghost valley would be more regimented#than the absolute chaos of SID by @three--rings

#it’s a hard call bc they’re all Maximum Chaos but it’s gotta but the SID by @adelaiderowan

Other

#fengliu parlour from Qian Jie Mei#hello you want a way to increase your power? Yeah mmm just take these drugs. Oh you didn't know that you can't stop taking them otherwise#you might die in two years? Well sucks. Join our squad now#we have two princesses who we aren't sure of the identity of one mysterious pipa player with yandere syndrome who's synthesizing these drug#And a mystery master who no one knows the identity of who makes the two princesses practice a cultivation path that makes them women in the#second last stage????#oh don't mind the people who had been drugged and enchanted and killed in our previous hideout. Yeah unfortunately the poison was in the#walls. we have better walls now no worries 🥰 only known poisoning here siiiiire! yeah don't#think too much about the dead people that also started cropping up recently#(qjm is the novel from which the upcoming drama shui long yin is adapted) by @travalerray

#this is the wife is first erasure every single person#all of them every person#that jing shao gets involved w his shenanigans has to contend w the fact that this man is motivated entirely by making his wife#the happiest man on earth and will interrupt your tasks to ask things like#how do you sexually satisfy your male wife? is this a good idea for a gift?#hey i brought my wife to the battlefield bc i was gonna be gone for an unknown amount of time#and i was gonna miss him too much#dont tell anyone my dad will be mad at me#i love jing shao but after a certain point i would start denying any request he made that involved his wife at all by @phobosapollo

Hi, welcome to your first day at [X]! A schedule you say? Well, we try not to make one, becuase it'll always end up overturned.

Management? Sure they exist, but maybe you shouldn't spend too much time with them lest you become collatoral damage and/or they remember your name and you get caught up in the Plot.

Our retirement plan IS very generous, you're right. What's that? How many people have retired and been able to claim it?

...hahaha, what a good question. Let's continue the tour, here to our right is the cafeteria-

Hopefully everyone here gets well compensated for their work (Doubt(tm)).

Write-ins, propaganda, and images are welcome!

[somerpmemes]

Ducktales S2 Starters!

Change pronouns as needed.

“Ugh. I! Need! A! Break!”

“Oh, you must be more tired than you realize. You’re slipping.”

“I have 13 different apologies depending on how mad you are.”

“Best time waste ever!”

“P-p-p-p-p-p-pit stop!”

“This has been fun. Hope we never meet again.”

“This is, like, the fourth coolest thing you’ve ever done!”

“This is no time for hilarious, hilarious jokes.”

“Nothing wrong with coming in second.”

“I’m too stubborn to know when I’m hurt!”

“Oh, people love a comeback!”

“Something is wrong here!”

“My problem is, I need money.”

“Oh no, I’m the problem.”

“I am more confused than usual.”

“Well that.... is weird.”

“Take that, science!”

“Welp, there’s no gold on the moon.”

“Don’t ignore me when I threaten your life!”

“Boo! You disappoint me in every way possible!”

“This is my moment.”

“This doesn’t feel simple.”

“Why have a deadly temple if you’re not gonna use it, right?”

“What is this garbage distracting me from my garbage?”

“I will NOT be third-person speechified to!”

“Could you find me someone who is not you?!”

“Get lost, dude! You’re killing my vibe, man!”

“Maybe don’t say that ‘til we’re out of jail.”

“You are very familiarly frustrating to me.”

“I’ll take the key while you do what you do best... be an annoying diversion.”

“I’ve been robbed!”

“You’re supposed to be smart, maybe you can help.”

“No more schemes!”

“He’s been here all morning, I have the stress headache to prove it.”

“Are you okay? You seem a little... well, the opposite of sane.”

“Chicken soup? Restorative nutrients!”

“What part of “I shall not rest” do you not understand?”

“I’m even better at being crazy than you.”

“Oh, I’m not sleeping.”

“She’s squishy and easily defeatable if you would just let me!”

“We’re a classic odd couple.”

“Do I sense a shenanigan in our future?”

“You wanted this all along.”

“Who wants cake!?”

“Maybe we should leave the lights on. Y’know, just in case?”

“Who do I have to fight to be a part of this family!?”

“I really need to start locking this door.”

“So, you wanna do this the easy way, or the fun way?”

“Wait, is this crazy?”

“Can you not think anything through, ___!?”

“Oh, you’ve got, like, your own whole personal thing going on there.”

“I will always believe you can do anything, but you never have to prove anything to me.”

“You are a bizarre one.”

“Start talking. NOW!”

“There’s a world beyond textbooks and rational truths. One I’m compelled to know more about.”

“___, she’s using you! I should know!”

“You’re too busy to finish telling me how busy you are?”

“Do you want my name, or address, or any means of contact?”

“Oh no, never be yourself on a first date. Or a second. Or any dates.”

“Oh, and if that girl breaks your heart, I will personally hunt her down and dismantle her life, piece. by. piece.”

“Hey, so I don’t like you not answering my calls, it makes me feel like I’m not the only person in the world which is weird for me.”

“What kind of monster doesn’t like glazed donuts?”

“Oh, and, you’re all incredibly dead.”

“Let’s talk: musical numbers. How many is not enough?”

“Hey, dummy, it’s about to blow!”

“They want grim and gritty, huh? Happy to play the part.”

“You’re a hero again. Isn’t that what you wanted?”

“You can’t just go around making up mysteries.”

“Man, being an adult is NOT fun.”

“Ooooooh, seedy~”

“No living thing could survive that.”

“I mean, this is very wrong.”

“How did this go so wrong so quickly?!”

“Rule number one, kid: If you wanna pick a pocket, you gotta get close.”

“Ambitious, dangerously overconfident, let’s do it.”

“I’d say you get used to it but that’d be a lie.”

“Sleep? No way, it’s only 4 AM, that’s so early!”

“Follow your lame dreams!”

“Don’t you ever feel like there’s something off about you?”

“No matter how hard you fight they will always turn on you. Give in.”

“You’re tired. Come home to me.”

“So you, like, don’t know what you’re doing at all?”

“Cool, so this is our tomb.”

“How do I say yes without agreeing to this?”

“Man, are we still here? I had this amazing dream that we weren’t.”

“And how are you gonna get out of this alive?”

“We almost died! .....but we didn’t. Weird.”

“Come here you historical abomination!”

“I’ve immediately failed you!”

“Hmm, I’m not cleaning any of this up.”

“You dug your own grave, ___, it’s time you lay in it.”

“Once I reharness my powers I’ll turn you all into snakes.”

“This is the one thing I’m good at, why can’t you see?”

“Hey, we can’t all make declarations of hatred at the same time!”

“You scarred him for life, that’s MY job!”

“You gotta dress for success and I am very successful now.”

“Fine, but when I get back I am going to live it up!”

“Quick, send in the raccoon!”

“Oh, sorry. Looks like the guy I stole this suit from didn’t have any cash.”

“Buddy, you are a waste of magic.”

“If I told the truth, you wouldn’t have come.”

“Hot dog! We’ve got company!”

“I’ve decided you’re doomed.”

“You don’t need a plan. You need a scheme. A cockamamie one.”

“Sorry, do you NOT want to survive?”

“Whatever this “plan” you have is, it’s embarrassing us both!”

“Wait, are we the bad guys?”

[orihime00sama]

FGO Part 2 Opening 2 Theories - Characters (2/2)

Fairy

If we go with a “what if Prototype” perspective, this fairy looks a lot like Manaka due to the seemingly short blonde hair, blue eyes and overall blue colour scheme. So it could be Manaka acting as someone’s vessel.

If we don’t go with that, this fairy could be Titania, as she looks quite regal.

Some think that she’s Morgan Le Fay, since Morgan has always been called “fairy princess” in Fate, with Tristan’s interlude being the more recent example. She’s also standing near a body of water, and Morgan is also a fairy of the lake (Salter’s profile describes her as Vivian’s dark counterpart). I don’t think that might be the case because she doesn’t really look that much like Morgan to me. There might be Lostbelt shenanigans involved that make her look different or maybe this is a different ascension or something, but in Apocrypha, Morgan’s hair was much straighter and paler.

A wild theory is that this fairy is actually Oberon, who is either just super pretty or maybe a genderbend. Something noteworthy about Oberon is that he’s usually is the son Morgan le Fay and Julius Caesar... Which is kinda weird due to the time periods they lived in but never mind that.

Someone pointed out that it looks like the fairy is missing a tooth...?

Blondie with Merlin’s staff

If we went with “what if Prototype”, this could easily be Proto Merlin. However, she looks very different from regular Merlin, which isn’t the case for almost every Prototype Servant, with Perseus being the sole exception (compare Proto to Hollow Ataraxia, both versions are datamined btw), even the ones who are different people like Artoria and Arthur. Honestly, if this does end up being Proto Merlin, I’ll be super disappointed because we got robbed of a fabulous fluffy female Merlin for another Saberface.

My two main ideas were that this could be either Vivian or Melissa.

Vivian, the Lady of the Lake, was Merlin’s apprentice and had some kind of relationship with him until things turned sour and she trapped in the Tower, so it would make sense for her to have a similar staff. Though, her outfit makes her look very young.

Melissa actually isn’t a pure Arthurian character, but she comes from Orlando Furioso, where she was the Paladins’ guide and helped Bradamante get to her hubby Rogero. Melissa came to mind because she was also Merlin’s apprentice and even watched over his tomb, so her relationship with him wasn’t as bad as with Vivian and it would justify her carrying a similar staff. Her outfit also reminds me a lot of Bradamante, who actually mentions being helped by “Merlin’s apprentice” in her lines and profile.

A wild theory is that she’s actually the awaited Caster Artoria due to the hair and the sword at her back. If Artoria took to magecraft and never became the king, then maybe that would explain how things ended so badly for the world of LB6.

Three Gals

These ones confuse me the most. The one in the middle I don't even know where to start, all I know is that armour gives me Saber Alter vibes and the visor seems to have a flower? They all have some form of headgear, but Morgan's crown is a lot bigger and more elaborate.

If we follow the idea that the blonde girl with Merlin's staff is Melissa, then the giant lady might be Marfisa (Rogero's badass twin sister who was separated from him at birth) and the girl with the half-crown might be Alcina (their story’s equivalent of Circe, something that the actual Circe mentions in her profile lines for the Paladins). Alcina in particular is interesting because she is Morgan's sister in Orlando Furioso. Together they were the evil sisters to Logistilla's good.

A very crazy theory is that they're all supposed to represent Morgan or maybe The Morrigan (maybe even both because Case Files brings up a connection between the two). The Morrigan are a triad while in Garden of Avalon, Sir Kay described Morgan as if she "had three women in her" due to how she changed. He mentioned her being "innocent like a fairy, then magnificent like a warrior maiden and then gaining the brutality of a witch."

In Case Files there was also a dagger called "Erosion" that had the ability to split the soul from the body and put it elsewhere. It was going to be used by the King Arthur Revival cult to remove Gray's soul from her body so she could become Artoria's vessel. That dagger belonged to Morgan, so it's possible she removed those different parts from herself and made them into homunculi bodies or something, assuming they weren't already split.

Knight

My first thought was Sir Kay. Sir Kay came to mind because I really want him in the game already. Okay, but on a serious note, thanks to Add in Case Files (Morgan modeled Add’s personality after Kay’s), Kay has a connection to Rhongomyniad, a major element teased for LB6. I’ve also seen some pictures comparing the top of the knight’s armour to the little peek we got at Kay, though it’s hard to tell because in the one shot we got, Kay’s right side had a tattoo while the knight only showed his left side. His hair also looks a lot more spiky and messier than Kay’s.

My second thought was Sir Percival, mostly because of the stabby spear weapon, and because as another candidate to the Grail Quest (confirmed by Gareth in her My Room line for the Grail), he’d be a good foil to Mr. “Not Appearing in this Opening” Galahad, who went out to for cigarettes ever since the events of the Temple of Time.

A wild theory would be Sir Galehaut, who in some stories was famous for being Arthur’s equal in power and only surrendered because he was really into Lancelot. Unfortunately, this epic bromance didn’t last both because Galehaut understood that Lancelot loved Guinevere and because Morgan was a jealous bitch who made Galehaut die of a broken heart after sending him fake news about Lancelot dying. The main thing that ties this knight to Galehaut is the fact that the knight looks like a big dude and Galehaut was half-giant. However, Galehaut is mentioned in Gareth’s profile as one of the knights she defeated, so it’s possible that they’re going for a different version of the story.

[jakey-beefed-it]

Ran the first adventure for my d&d campaign over a couple of sessions; here’s the long-delayed recap:

The PCs all come separately to a surprisingly nice town in surprisingly shitty weather and end up stuck at the same Inn; in the common room because all the rooms are full, but for free because the innkeeper/mayor is a good sort who doesn’t want to turn people out into the icy deluge.

Zombie attack! Also skellingtons. The zombies want the sorcerer’s sweet, sweet blood. Also maybe the druid? Maybe not. They want it for Reasons.

The sorcerer doesn’t particularly want to part with her blood and offers burning hands Freezing Hands instead. The warlock throws his horrible inky black tendrils into the mix, the paladin smites them with his smithing hammer, the druid and the monk respectively offer These Claws/Hands, and the bard insults the skellingtons’1000+ years out of date fashion.

Devastated by the counter-offer, the zombies and skellingtons fall over without having obtained any of the Special Blood they were after. They accompany the mayor to the cathedral and ring the bell, alerting the townsfolk that hey, uh, there’s some shamblers in town and maybe you should wake up and fight them off.

Why zombies and skellingtons? The leading theory is that some Suspicious Sorts who came through recently asking about the giant burial mounds not far outside of town full of the bodies of ancient evil tieflings maybe did an oops and unleashed them by accident?

The PCs travel to the crypt of a long-dead tiefling aristocrat. He is also a pretty big jerk. His body is still resting peacefully in his sarcophagus.

His spirit sure isn’t though. 

He informs them that it was definitely not an ‘oops’, the ‘academic’ guy was a necromancer who Commanded him to spill the beans on some ancient ritual shenanigans and his (the spectral tiefling aristocrat’s) hated rival, then sicced the zombies and skellingtons on the town to get the blood he’d need for the ancient ritual in question.

The PCs bargain with the ghost to bring him the head of his ancient rival in exchange for all his sweet sweet tomb loot. And also not getting into a fight with a pissed-off ancient ghost and the ghosts of his consorts.

Meanwhile the PCs have found said ghost dude’s diary that spills absolutely ALL the beans on court intrigue from the evil tiefling empire 1000 years ago. 

The sorcerer wants it because it’s Tiefling stuff and it pertains to her heritage.

The warlock insists that it’s historically invaluable and belongs in the local university library

They proceed to argue about this for some time

The paladin would very much like them to continue this argument outside, rather than lingering in the ancient fucking crypt full of ghosts

The baddies are keeping hostages at the ruins of a nearby observatory. The PCs try to sneak up on them. It goes pretty well!

The bard tries to put the big goon baddie to sleep but he’s not really sleepy, especially now that someone’s trying to use magic on him.

The warlock tries to reason with the evil necromancer misunderstood professor of history to at least let the hostages go now that he’s gotten a bit of blood from each of them for his ritual

the evil necromancer monologues for a while. the gist is that he is fine with letting the hostages go but he really doesn’t want the PCs to get in his way while he Does What Must Be Done

the thing that said blood summoned, however, the hated rival of the earlier ghost, is less keen on letting the hostages go. It kind of wants to eat them. It kind of wants that a lot.

The PCs are Not Cool with letting the ancient corrupted wizard monstrosity eat the hostages.

The evil necromacer takes the opportunity to peace out with his trusty goon

The paladin smites the ancient monstrosity and somehow calls upon holy power to smite him harder. Which is what paladins do! But the paladin is still getting the hang of things and so is pleasantly surprised all the same.

The monk figures the others have this handled and moves to free the hostages rather than fight the ancient monstrosity.

The druid turns into a magma wolf and bites the shit out of the ancient monstrosity. He falls over and starts bleeding out (’bleeding’ being a relative term when your blood is abhorrent black ichor) but does not immediately die because he’s got to cough and gasp a whole lot of Exposition first.

The sorcerer gets that dude’s head for the angery ghost, so they can get his sweet sweet tomb loot.

The PCs get that sweet sweet tomb loot and the devil-worshipping ghost gets his eternal... reward? ...when he passes on to Hell.

The townsfolk are quite fond of the PCs given that they were instrumental in fighting off the initial undead attack and then went and rescued the hostages.

The paladin talks to a priest of the god who literally punched holy power into him to get a better idea about what he, uh, wants from the paladin.

“Go forth, be awesome.” The paladin is pretty chill with this commandment.

The sorcerer stands on the docks nearby and looks broodingly out to sea. Nearby, the monk and the druid go swimming in the ocean. *brood* *brood* *splish-splash*

The warlock befriends a wee diviner archaeologist

The third member of the baddies tomb-raiding party shows up- a halfling rogue who disarmed all the ancient traps. She was fine with robbing the dead. She is not fine with the resulting undead attack and wants to help maybe.

[begone-fiend]

We did Darkest DnD again today. We finally got everyone’s asses back on the main questline and took out the Necromancer.

Highlights:

-I decided to go with the “sympathetic Bloodsucker runs the blood brewing place” headcanon I saw someone draw way back and loved. The party all immediately adopted little Pasquier the Wizened Shrew who was banished from the court for not being enough of an asshole. He lives in the Sanitarium basement as Paracelsus’ assistant.

-The wizard manages a natural 20 in perception in a first Ruins hallway and comes across a secret door where three Puzzling Trapzohedrons lay. Ofc they took them, not knowing what that could bring...

-In the next room they ran into the lovely Audrey, the Grave Robber. Relieved to hear the party isn’t after the riches in the tomb, she offers to assist in bringing down the Necromancer because she’s sick and tired of dealing with all these fucking skeletons while she’s robbing graves.

-The cleric immediately fell in super gay love with Audrey and her badass knife flinging skills. This makes me laugh because motherfucking SAME.

-Same cleric tried to distract skeletons by using a spell to project screaming coming from the other direction. Someone joked that it was one of these “x for 10 hours” videos from YouTube.

-The cleric stole the Tempting Goblet from everyone’s favorite small, stupid hat-wearing stress-dealing asshole. She wants to figure out how to make it pour endless vodka. The fighter stole his hat.

-After taking out the skeletons, they heard a great crash from behind them. Something was coming towards them, and really really fast. They all got ready for a battle and then discovered it was the fighter coming in late (bc the player had to work). They were all pissed over the scare and took 10 stress from it.

-I did the creepiest garbled eldritch noises I could to signal the approach of a Collector. It hurt my throat more than anything, though 😂

-I wanted to toss him in there because the Collector is a personal favorite of @emberdm, whose Darkest DnD resources saved my sorry ass when my party decided to Leeroy Jenkins the Farmstead on the first session.

-... But because this is DnD where shenanigans happen, the cleric tried to convince him to go away by giving back his trapzohedrons and asking him very very nicely.

-Me: “okay lmao sure roll for it. It’s not going to be easy th-“ Cleric: “Natural 20 plus proficiency plus charisma mod.” Me: “Son of a bitch.”

-And that’s the story of how my party skipped a boss fight I was personally looking forward to quite a bit.

-Everyone is trying to figure out what the fuck is on Reynauld’s scroll and why it hurts skeletons so much.

-“I can’t believe we nearly died to a guy with an asshole for a face.”

-The bard got a magic violin that summons random shit. Think like the Wabbajack but an instrument. This can only end well.

-They also found a bunch of dusty old books that they were convinced were important. Their reactions when the translator told them they were ancient financial records...

-“Who the fuck spent so much on candles in 1146?”

-I’m bringing the Collector back at a later session - they’re not even gonna expect it.

[lindwurmkai]

You ever watch a show or movie without taking particular notice of an actor, only to later become a fan as you watch one of their other works so then you return to the first thing and it's a whole new experience

This is currently happening to me with Bai Shu and Explore With the Note/Heavenly Palace on the Clouds/no one knows what to call it so we usually just say The Lost Tomb 2.5

Previously, I saw him as someone who clearly did a decent job of playing that character but didn't have the right face for it lol. And now I'm like that's my boy

[agwitow]

This would be very funny, but it's also a very specific niche type of vampire derived from pulpy pop culture riffs on the Dracula novel (which isn't to say that's a bad thing).

But like, if we go more traditional/ European folkloric vampires, we would get a very different movie...

Since museums are public places, and not the home of anyone, they wouldn't need an invitation to enter, unless... that mummy in the egyptology display is a "mummy" in the classic monster movie sense.

The vampires can't figure out why they're unable to enter the museum until they send in a (hypnotized?) human for some after hours reconnaissance. The mummy was a servant or something that was placed in the tomb to serve their king/queen/lord in the afterlife, but was misidentified as the king/queen/lord and is loving having a bunch of the treasure effectively rededicated to them. They are less than thrilled about the idea of the heist going down.

The vamps have to call in favours and hypnotize a bunch of people to get the mummy temporarily removed for "servicing" or something so that the museum reverts back to a public place for a few nights.

The mummy is friends with the night security guard (they play checkers and drink hot chocolate together), and warned the guard about the vamps.

Vamps not showing up in mirrors and early photography was because of the silver involved. Modern stuff doesn't have that. The vamps don't realize this. They strip naked so their clothes won't "give them away" on the cameras.

The guard has to spend awhile trying to cough up all the hot chocolate they inhaled when they saw a cadre of butt-naked vampires sneaking into the museum.

The mummy figured they would do something like this and has set up boobytraps specifically for vampires. Bags of seeds are poured out (making any vamps who see it have to stop to count every piece), motion activated air fresheners loaded with garlic oil, iron nails in places where only a climbing vamp would encounter them, doorways lined with strips of hawthorn.

Basically, it ends up being a bunch of "home alone" type shenanigans inside a museum, with the guard running additional interference.

It ends with the vamps stuck in a small, windowless room as the sun rises, unhappily waiting to be arrested.

Twist: a local werewolf pack took advantage of all the ridiculousness to actually rob the place without anyone noticing. So when the cops arrive, the vamps are expecting trespassing charges, but are blamed for the thefts.

Extra twist: the guard is a werewolf and tipped their pack off. The mummy cheats at checkers and curses them a couple times a week for stupid sh*t. They've been trying to think of how to get revenge without incurring an actual deadly curse for years, and the opportunity was just too good to pass up.

Oh, and all those naked vampires? Not the "young and sexy" types. They are old, skeletal, and/or withered. So as far as the cops are aware, a bunch of senior citizens just tried to rob a museum in the nude lol

I know I’ve said this before but vampires

don’t show up on camera

can fly/scale walls

immune to bullets

can break into any safe by turning into fog or some bullshit

could probably hypnotize security guards as needed

therefore I am in dire need of a heist film where a group of vampires band together to steal back their old stuff from museums

[eddycurrents]

For the week of 6 August 2018

Quick Bits:

Black Badge #1 is a wonderful start to this new series from the team behind Grass Kings. Matt Kindt, Tyler & Hilary Jenkins set up a new story featuring a troop of kids engaging in black ops operations as a pretty neat premise. The characters so far are somewhat unlikable, but that seems partially to be the point.

| Published by BOOM! Studios

Bloodshot Salvation #12 closes out this series and with it Jeff Lemire’s tenure with the characters. Amidst all of the crazy government organizations, experiments, and far-flung future assassinations, this has at heart been a story about family and the lengths people will go to in order to protect their own and there’s a wonderful sense of closure at the end here. We know it won’t last as Bloodshot: Rising Spirit is coming, but it’s still nice while it lasts. Also some very nice art from Doug Braithwaite and Jordie Bellaire.

| Published by Valiant

Clankillers #2 is pretty much made by the art from Antonio Fuso and Stefano Simeone. That’s not to take away from the story of family, betrayal, and Irish mythology with Sean Lewis, which is excellent, but Fuso’s art is just so perfectly suited to this. His style reminds me a lot of early Sean Phillips and a bit of Duncan Fegredo.

| Published by AfterShock

Daredevil #606 begins the next chapter for the series and it is ridiculously good. Interspersed with a main narrative of Daredevil tackling a band robbery by Hammerhead, Charles Soule and Phil Noto build up the pieces for the next stage in taking down Kingpin, bringing back two-thirds of Daredevil’s task force from Hunt for Wolverine. They’re a weird group, but it’s obvious that Soule likes writing these characters. Also, the art from Noto is just phenomenal.

| Published by Marvel

Death or Glory #4 is just more brilliance from Rick Remender and Bengal. The art is seriously god tier. The car chase this issue alone is incredible, not to mention the tension of Glory and her charges attempting to escape the abattoir. This is just astoundingly great comics.

| Published by Image / Giant Generator

Exiles #6 takes a little bit of downtime to figure out the new direction for the team to take before immediately dumping them in a new alternate reality. The artwork from Rod Reis is absolutely gorgeous and I really like how Saladin Ahmed seems to be building the team more as a family.

| Published by Marvel

Fantastic Four #1 is a very welcome and long overdue return, but thankfully this is a great issue. Sure, the team technically isn’t back yet, but in the main feature Dan Slott, Sara Pichelli, Elisabetta D’Amico, and Marte Gracia focus on one of the core tenets of these characters: family. And when combined with a sweet and funny flashback of the Four trying to find their way home, this is a good start, with beautiful artwork. That goes also for the back-up Doom story from Slott, Simone Bianchi, and Marco Russo, that gives us a more primal Doom. One that reminds me a bit of the Doom who was trapped on the Heroes Reborn counter-Earth. After his turn as Iron Man, I don’t want to see Doom slide back into outright villainy, but what comes next remains to be seen. Overall, I loved this, and am anxious to see what’s around the corner.

| Published by Marvel

Farmhand #2 is as good as the first issue, as Rob Guillory begins to flesh out the Jenkins family and hint that more strange shenanigans are going on in the town and at the family farm. Great art from Guillory and Taylor Wells.

| Published by Image

Her Infernal Descent #4 takes a few more interesting turns as Lynn takes a walk through “heaven” and then we get the ultimate cliffhanger. This entire series so far has shown a lot of inventiveness from the entire creative team, with Lonnie Nadler, Zac Thompson, Kyle Charles, and Dee Cunniffe all delivering some impressive work. This one kind of ups that with the depiction of Circle H and the angels constructing the condos. Also, the wood of suicides with Hunter S. Thompson is brilliant.

| Published by AfterShock

Hot Lunch Special #1 is a very solid debut for this crime drama from Eliot Rahal and Jorge Fornés. Comparisons to Fargo will probably abound, due to location, but this is much more serious in tone and execution, with some very evocative art from Fornés.

| Published by AfterShock

Hunt for Wolverine: The Adamantium Agenda #4 concludes the second of these minis, where the end result is seemingly all going to be “We didn’t find Logan, but we all found the true Wolverine that resides in our hearts.” I poke fun, but these have been enjoyable, especially this one from Tom Taylor, RB Silva, Adriano di Benedetto, and Guru eFX. Nice humour throughout as Taylor shows he really gets Spider-Man, Luke Cage, and Jessica Jones, leading me to hope that somewhere down the line he gets a New Avengers title going. Also some really big revelations that should have both personal and broad implications for the X-Men.

| Published by Marvel

Maestros #7 concludes what has been a funny, irreverent take on magic and fantasy from Steve Skroce and Dave Stewart. For a series that has had some interesting setbacks for our lead, this one’s actually pretty straight-forward, even as it gives us a sympathetic flashback for Mardok’s story.

| Published by Image

Medieval Spawn & Witchblade #4 is a decent conclusion to the series. I’ve liked the story that Brian Holguin and Brian Haberlin have been telling, even as the Spawn’s backstory does indeed reveal itself a take on the Arthurian myth. I’ve really enjoyed the art from Haberlin and Geirrod Van Dyke.

| Published by Image

Nancy Drew #3 has some really nice character moments as the crew tries to put the pieces together of Pete’s mother’s murder and some shady history. The art from Jenn St-Onge and Triona Farrell is perfect for the story.

| Published by Dynamite

Oblivion Song #6 claims to be an end to a story arc, but this book doesn’t really seem to work like that, instead with each issue being a series of transitions in a larger serial narrative. Changes occur and questions abound, but there’s no definitive conclusion to anything, just more story. And it works, because what Robert Kirkman, Lorenzo de Felici, and Annalisa Leoni are creating here is very compelling.

| Published by Image / Skybound

Optimus Prime #22 begins its tie-in to the Unicron event and the march to the end of IDW’s Hasbroverse. Like pretty much all IDW crossovers, it’s woefully out of sync with the event as a whole due to lateness, but it is still entertaining. This gives some of the much-needed back story for how the pieces got to where they were in the early parts of Transformers: Unicron and fleshes out more of the political machinations going on behind the scenes. Great art from Sara Pitre-Durocher and Josh Burcham. 

| Published by IDW

Outpost Zero #2 is not really at all the direction I expected this series to take, but it’s very good. Sean McKeever, Alexandre Tefenkgi, and Jean-Francois Beaulieu have some interesting teen drama on their hands here and a nice mystery to boot.

| Published by Image / Skybound

Port of Earth #8 concludes the second arc, with some fairly frightening implications and revelations that we’ve kind of suspected since the first issue. Zack Kaplan, Andrea Mutti, and Vladimir Popov are telling a very interesting story here.

| Published by Image / Top Cow

Predator: Hunters II #1 begins a second series of these new Predator Hunters from Chris Warner, capturing a similar tone and approach as the original Predator film. Nice art from Agustin Padilla and Neeraj Menon.

| Published by Dark Horse

Relay #2 spotlights the dark side of the Relay and what they’re doing to the universe. Some very interesting moral and ethical issues are raised this issue by Zac Thompson and it looks like more to come between the team. Beautiful artwork from Andy Clarke and José Villarrubia. 

| Published by AfterShock

Shadow Roads #2 is another captivating instalment of this series. I love that Cullen Bunn and Brian Hurtt are back exploring the world of the Sixth Gun and expanding on the weird aspects of that world, with some very impressive artwork from AC Zamudio and Carlos N Zamudio.

| Published by Oni Press

She Could Fly #2 is more strangeness, even as the story comes together in some very interesting ways. I absolutely love the artwork from Martín Morazzo and Miroslav Mrva.

| Published by Dark Horse / Berger Books

Transformers: Lost Light #22 is another issue to do your head in as James Roberts crashes together the threads from the past several years of More Than Meets the Eye and Lost Light. It’s fairly impressive how all of this is coming together and still maintaining the wonderful humour that is always included in the scripts.

| Published by IDW

Transformers: Unicron #3 begins fleshing out some of the Transformers mythology and tying it together with some of the expanded Hasbroverse. It’s nice to see John Barber putting some of the pieces together here even as it heralds the end. Also, this is some of the best art of Alex Milne’s career, really stepping it up a notch, beautifully coloured by Sebastian Cheng and David Garcia Cruz.

| Published by IDW

X-Men Blue #33 explores the future that Magneto was transported to in order to escape Bastion and the Mothervine mutants. Great art from Marcus To and Matt Milla as it really feels like Cullen Bunn is working towards his Magneto endgame.

| Published by Marvel

Other Highlights: Accell #13, Amazing Spider-Man #3, Amazing Spider-Man: Renew Your Vows #22, Animosity: Evolution #7, The Beauty #22, Champions #23, Charlie’s Angels #3, The Dead Hand #5, Dejah Thoris #7, Dissonance #4, Domino #5, Dungeons & Dragons: Evil at Baldur’s Gate #4, Eternal Empire #10, Invader Zim #33, Lumberjanes: A Midsummer Night’s Scheme #1, Mech Cadet Yu #11, Nancy Drew #3, Old Man Logan #45, Quicksilver: No Surrender #4, Spider-Man Annual #1, Spider-Man vs. Deadpool #37, Star Wars: Darth Vader #19, Strangers in Paradise XXV #5, TMNT: Bebop & Rocksteady Hit the Road #2, Tomb Raider: Inferno #3, The Unbeatable Squirrel Girl #35, Unnatural #2, World of Tanks: Citadel #4, Xena: Warrior Princess #7

Recommended Collections: Champions - Volume 3: Champion for a Day, Outcast - Volume 6, Spider-Man: Kraven’s Last Hunt, Star Trek: Discovery - The Light of Kahless, Star Wars - Volume 8: Mutiny at Mon Cala, Thicker Than Blood, Vs. - Volume 1

d. emerson eddy is wondering why there isn’t an even larger size cup of coffee. It should also come in jugs. Mugs and jugs.

[zenith-queen-dnd]

Characters I have and am playing/dying to play

• Zora Calypso Faust: Drow White Draconic Sorcerer/Archfey Warlock, Spy and exile who really just wants her dead sister back but could probably do with a few decades of counseling instead

• Madeleine Ballyhoo: Gnome Conjuration Wizard, Inquisitive and determined teacher and tinkerer who sometimes just really, really needs to rob a ruined ancient tomb or two to finish her research, having lost an arm as a consequence of this once and not letting it stop her for long

• Sjach Panjar (currently playing): Lizardfolk Shadow Monk, Stumbled into the Shadowfell as a child, survived for years as a slave until she and a fellow slave broke out, loyal to the monastery that found her afterwards, trying to find her way

• Astrid Skylla Ragnyr (currently playing): Half-Orc Ancestral Barbarian/Moon Druid, Rough-and-tumble princess of a distant land on a mission to save it, but also out here for a good time

• Theophania Rhoss: Hill Dwarven Life Cleric of Hestia, Child of immigrant parents who got a vision of a goddess she knew nothing about to take on an encroaching evil, loves and hates to be dragged on shenanigans by her friends

• Moira Callistos (played): Tiefling Hexblade Warlock, starry-eyed mom friend with a sentient space blade

• Myra Abalon: Earth Genasi Paladin, baked goods-loving granny and retired adventurer who’s looking for her grandkids and coming to call collect on her old favors

• Harmony Charmaine: Private investigator and arcane gunslinger who has IOUs for and from the mafia

[howtheworldcouldb]

Kinda want a fic retelling/fleshing out of KOTOR, but with absolute batshit shenanigans like this the entire time.

To infiltrate the Sith Enclave on Taris, they dress up as janitors. Zaalbar's uniform looks like shorts and a crop top, Carth is wearing a bad fake mustache and T3 is disguised as a trash can. They're only meant to be a distraction (Mission is in the vents, because she's the only one that fit and she really wanted to). It works, but not how they intended. No one looks at them twice.

The robot custodian in the Dantooine Star Forge temple? They respond to its questions with exceedingly crazy but technically correct answers. Eventually the poor thing gets so confused it just lets them through.

The murder investigation on Manaan plays out like a bad episode of the Pink Panther cartoon. Their primary investigating techniques include doing shots with witnesses until they spill their life story (Zaalbar and oddly Juhani have the best alcohol tolerance), and standing in the courtyards to alternately yell "Fuck Elassa" and "Fuck Sunry". Whoever responds with "amen" gets tracked down and questioned. Three people have a different definition of "fuck ___". Revan arrests them anyway.

Revan and the Crew, looking for an excuse to poke around and speak to a bunch of people, end up leading a workers revolution in the Sith Academy on Korriban. Somehow, by the end of it, they've founded the creation of a functioning, sovereign nation, of which Dustil has been voted leader of. His first act is to banish Carth. Carth is very sad about it. Revan is still welcome, because she’s weirdly become something like a beloved stepmom. No one understands it. Everyone but Carth thinks it’s hilarious.

Grave robbing Investigating the tombs on Korriban plays out like a Buzzfeed Unsolved episode. Revan is dancing on the fucking coffin and cussing out the Sith Ghosts while Carth is losing his mind in the back trying to get her to stop

“If you wanna eat my heart, if you wanna eat Carth’s heart–“

“Don’t bring me into this–“

“–If you wanna eat BOTH our hearts, turn on that lightsaber.”

The lightsaber, obviously, turns on. Carth screams.

(It’s Shane and Ryan except subverted. Carth is Ryan: scared shitless of it all, but doesn’t believe in the Force. Revan is Shane: knows the Force is real, and is ready to fight God)

When Malak reveals Revan was a Sith Lord, all of them collectively decide to gaslight the shit out of him. Uh, dude, Revan has always been [whatever her fake name is]. They’ve known her for years. “Are you sure you have the right person? What do they look like, maybe we can help you find them–”

“What? It’s... it's literally you. You look just like her.”

“Wow man that’s crazy”

Jolee canonically signed up just to fuck around and see what happened, and boy is it a show

Yuthura: Master Uthar is not accepting any new students today.

Revan: That's okay, we're from the union.

Yuthura: The union?

Revan: We represent the workers in all Force-based institutions, both light and dark.

Yuthura: Oh... Oh, right...

Revan: Are you feeling at all degraded or oppressed?

Yuthura: Uh... A little. We don't even have dental.

Revan: *to Carth* They don't even have dental.