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gorgeousgust · 7 months ago

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I HAVE NO HEART. (NI WEH SESH) -K.B

Pairings: (Kaz Brekker x heartrender!reader)

A/N: Hello beautiful people! This fiction is based off clearly the season two, episode six from the Shadow & Bone series. There are some exact quotes from the episode because for the plot of the storyline. As a reminder, I don’t own Y/N and other characters and all rights go to beautiful Leigh Bardugo… I just love the write fanfics! Anyways, this is the only way I would write touching scenes with Kaz. And I loved watching that episode, it was amazing. The way the actors played very well… And I thought why wouldn’t Y/N be in it? Hope you enjoy it! Have a nice reading!

Word Count: 4.540

Warnings: Violence, poison, and no hates to Zoya, I love her but in the story, it is a bit different.

“There is something in the air!” Tolya said it with a haze of a worry. As all of you looked at the ceiling, you saw a red powder spreading across the room. “This is how we die?” Jesper exclaimed anxiously.

Suddenly a strong cough filled your throat. Your lungs were filling with the poisonous powder, when you turned your head to your side, you saw Jesper as he blacked out and collapsed into the floor. As you backed away, still coughing like the others, you leaned on the ground and put your hands on your heart.

As Tolya and you shared a glance, both of you were stabilizing your heartbeats. You glanced to Inej as she passed out and a loud thump came out from Kaz, as you looked at him he fell on the floor harshly. You feared that this moment might be all of your death.

The Slat was quiet unusually. You scoot over from Nina’s side and sit down on the high chair. You were eating some breakfast, as you felt growling inside your empty stomach.

While you were eating, two person came inside to the Slat. As you looked at them, the man had a strong physique and wore off-shoulder leather coat. He looked mighty. As you turned to the girl he was with, she looked oddly familiar. Had dark brown eyes match with her dark brown hairs. Her expressions were cold and still. While the guy looked rather cheerful. He was a Shu also. Then as you examined the girl further you realized it was Zoya. Zoya Nazyalensky.

As they beelined to the Kaz’s office, you exchanged a look with Nina. “Why is Zoya doing in here?” She asked confused. “I have no idea.” You looked confused too, but you waited patiently for Kaz to come to the table you and Nina sat.

After several minutes, Kaz walked downstairs following with Zoya and that Shu guy. As they walked to the table you two were sitting, Kaz informed briefly why they were here. The Shu man, introduced himself as you learned his name was Tolya, he explained further about why they wanted your assistance on this plan.

As you listened patiently, Nina spat in disbelief. “The Neshyenyer? Sankta Neyar's blade?” Zoya looked at her reproachful. “So, you haven't forgotten what you were taught at the Little Palace.” She said teasingly. “Just your loyalty to Ravka.“ She turned to her glances to you too while she was talking with Nina.

You haven’t bothered to answer her as Nina jumped in. “Ravka? Or Kirigan? It didn't take him destroying a city for me to question my loyalty.“ She said a little louder.

As Jesper intervened to ask the payment, Tolya answered and Zoya explained further for Nina’s questions.

After Kaz finished the conversation with an agreement, you looked at Kaz briefly then turned your attention back to Zoya while she eyed you with a straight expression.

That was it, a new business, going to help the sun summoner to destroying the fold, in return got a paycheck of thousands of kruges. You went to your own room and packed a small bag for your tools. As Kaz secured your passports, you went to meet them outside the Slat.

It was going to be an extremely dangerous quest. A difficult one, you were feeling it.

Before all of this happened, you were a heartrender, learning to control your abilities and studying small science in Little Palace. As soon as you were studying and under commands of General Kirigan, you realized that this place is degenerated.

You were friends with Nina, back then. As you two were both heartrenders, she was like a big sister for you. She supported you through everything you dealt about the Little Palace.

One day, you decided to tell her your plans. You were going to escape the Palace, you relied on Nina so much that you were so sure about that she wasn’t going to turn you in, as you went to her, you realized she was also making her escape plan too.

You two escaped the palace but unfortunately you grew apart as you found yourself in Ketterdam your dock sailed in. As that time, you and Kaz’s paths crossed. He found who you were and what was your abilities, then he offered you a salaried position. Because you were useful. Also, you needed money so you agreed his offer and worked for him.

After everything happened and your way’s crossed again with Nina, you were more than happy to see a friend.

As all of you finally docked in Shu Han, you looked at the crowd. The place looked beautiful. The crowd wore nice and unique clothes, the bazaar looked lively and relaxed, you turned to your head to Tolya as he lowered onto his knees, there was a thin candle in his hand as he looked at the statue decored with flowers and fruits. He was speaking in Shu language as you watched him.

You were standing next to Kaz and Wylan. Watching the scene as Inej lowered to her knees next to him, praying to herself. While Zoya and Nina did the same. As they began to speak to each other, you gazed through the colored fibers. It was too noise-full and the crowd looked messy.

Then Tolya got up and walked to where you all stood. There were flutes playing through. “Just so you know, it's bad luck not to honor the dead during Suntsa Sar.” He said it as he was eating walnuts and turned his gaze to the statue. Kaz side eyed the man as he was standing and looked pissed. Jesper scoffed and looked at Tolya.

“If I believed in luck, I'd be in less debt.“ Jesper said and you turned your gaze to Tolya. Kaz turned his face to his side and looked at Tolya coldy. He then said, “And I’m more concerned with the living.” You smirked to yourself hearing Kaz’s words. Always has a remark, you thought to yourself.

After Kaz said the tea shop should be open by now, he reviewed the plan one more time. Inside of your mind, deeply, you wanted to take Nina’s role. Pretending to be Kaz’s wife, for a brief selfish moment you wanted to feel it.

He wasn’t sentimental, how could he? If you are living in the Barrel you can’t have those ‘weak sentiments’ Kaz said always. It was a cruel joke to you, because you loved that man.

Over the time as your acquaintanceship bloomed into a friendship, you caught feelings for the very man who deprived himself from it. Despite he was denying the little feelings he has, you heard his heart.

After you two become friends, it wasn’t confirmed by him but it was there, you understood it, you subconsciously let yourself hear his heartbeat. It was impossible to not hear it. Whenever you met his dark eyes, you felt the heartbeats of his paced faster.

Or whenever he was in his office, writing things on papers or reading some books and planning heists, listening his heartbeat calmed your heart too.

But there were ups and downs. Whenever someone mentioned Pekka Rollins’s name or the nightmares he was having, you were the only one who knew about it, you heard his heartbeat got extremely fast which was worried you so much.

You wanted to help him, at those moments when you were near to him, those anxious feelings eased after seconds. He knew it was your doing. He never confronted you about it but sometimes it really did help him. You two never talked about any of this but Kaz was in fact, grateful.

They say the eyes are the mirror of the heart, maybe Kaz hid his true views by training himself but his heart was never hiding himself to you.

But most of the time, he hated it. How you can able to hear his heartbeat, his pulse, it was giving him away to you, he wanted to keep the disguise. Because disguise is always a self portrait.

Nina was pretending to be his wife, Inej was on the roofs for following Ohval and you were left to stuck with Zoya.

After what happened in that tea shop, all of you sat into a place and talked about what happened. Kaz explained about how Ohval was the Disciple and Nina said how she was able to control her own heartbeat. Kaz explained further.

Then Kaz began to explain the plan. He glanced at Nina briefly. “While she's out of the house, Nina will tail her to make sure she stays out of the house.“ Then she looked at you for a moment. “The rest of us will grab the blade. “ He said.

Zoya intervened in quickly and looked at Kaz with an annoyed expression. “You don't seriously expect me to break into this woman's house.“ Jesper looked at her unbelievably then he joined the conversation. Uh, why do you think we're here?“ He said it confusedly.

Zoya looked at Jesper, “I'm a soldier, not a thief. Why else would I need you criminals?” She said it with an arrogance in her face visible.

You looked at her as you rolled your eyes. “Well, sorry to disappoint you Zoya but there is not much of a difference between them than you think.” You looked at her with coldness as Nina chuckled to ease the tension. “Says the girl who ran away from her country.” Zoya said as you were about to reply back to her, Zoya turned to Kaz. “I’ll go with Nina.”

Nina coughed while she was eating some walnuts. “Are you sure you don’t need me?” She said to Kaz. “I mean, Zoya can tail Ohval.” You watched Nina as you grinned. Kaz was done with the silly arguments you two had with Zoya. “Nina and Zoya will wait for Ohval at the apothecary. Follow her. If she starts heading home, buy us some time. Distract her.” With that Kaz put an end into that conversation, again.

Now it was the time for the plan. You and the others walked to the outside of Ohval’s house. The building looked very much traditional, as you were thinking like that, Tolya voiced your thought. You looked briefly at Kaz. You were wondering what he was thinking.

As Jesper approached to Wylan’s side, you heard a faint heartbeat. Tolya must’ve heard it too, he and you shared a glance. He said there was a faint heartbeat and you agreed.

When the doors opened you, Kaz, Inej, Tolya and Jesper entered inside whilst Wylan was standing outside for all of you. As you heard a click sound, you turned to your back and look at the door.

Inej and Tolya both tried to open the door with their hands after it was no use, they kicked the door and it was useless. You heard a groan from them. Then as Inej tried to stabbed the wallpaper but it was no use, it was impenetrable and then you looked at Kaz. “Kaz what do we do?” You whispered to him.

Kaz, as he clanged his cane into the door he looked at you then Jesper. “The frames are made of metal.” As he said it Jesper looked relieved for a moment. “They are Durast made.”

As you heard another click sound, “There is something in the air!” Tolya said it with a haze of a worry.

You tried, you tried too hard to stay awake. You were yelling Wylan’s name but it was no use, it felt like your voice sounded mere whisper. You looked at Tolya which he tried to also yell for Wylan.

Then as you turned your glance towards Kaz and saw him laying there unconsciously, your vision got blurred and the next thing you felt the dizziness and the pain in your head.

You found yourself back in the Crow Club. You looked around… it was empty. There were no heartbeats you could feel. A slight worry took you over as you hurriedly walked to Kaz’s office.

You opened it without knocking. When you entered the inside of his office, there was only a dim light, lightening his desk.

“Hello, Y/N.” You heard Kaz’s crooked voice. How could that be possible? You haven’t heard his heartbeat and you still couldn’t. “Kaz?” You looked at him as your eyebrows furrowed. He was wearing a white shirt, very unusual for him.. He would only wear black outfits. He looked too angelic to be true, as you drank his appearance.

His faint skin looked brighter as he wore white shirt, his hair disheveled and his gloves… As he approached to your side, he was slowly getting rid of his gloves. “What are you doing?” You whispered worriedly. You knew he had an aversion to touch and you felt anxious as he was taking his gloves off.

“Can I?” He was asking for your consent to touch you, as his hand raised to side of your cheek, you didn’t understand what was happening but before your mind could protest, the feelings inside of you thought different. “Yes.” You found yourself saying.

Kaz’s hand slowly caressed your cheek and you closed your eyes for a brief moment. It was so strange yet so familiar to you, feeling his touch, it was a feeling that you wanted to bottle and drink away.

Then you opened your eyes and looked at him. His gaze never left yours as you looked at him. “I… want you, Y/N.” As your bodies pressed together, you looked at him with tears forming in your eyes.

“Kaz…” You whispered softly. “I, I-“ You felt shattered as his nose touched with yours. You closed your eyes and felt your lips be touched by his. It blossomed flowers inside your chest as you felt the foreign feeling. It was new but something happened through the haze of love, you coughed.

You looked at him as your eyebrows crossed in a confused glance. “You are not Kaz.” You said as you looked at your environment. This place wasn’t his office anymore, suddenly you found yourself in Little Palace, in Kirigan’s room. “How’s my little heartrender doing?” Kirigan said it smoothly as he looked at you devilishly. “What is happening?” You sounded afraid.

He then approached to your side. “Did you miss me, Y/N?” He smirked. Then he grabbed your hand. “Let go of me!” You resisted but it was no use, he was strong and you became that girl. That little girl who was yanked away from their family and trapped in Kirigan’s arms. “You cannot escape from me, Y/N, you know it.”

You tried to yank your hand away from him. To use your heartrender abilities to get him down but it was no use. “Maybe, you want this huh?” He looked at you as feelings of betrayal crossed his eyes. Then he let go of you and pulled his hand in the air as Kaz appeared in the door. “I’m going to destroy him!” Kirigan said.

“No!” You yelled as the time you put your hands up and waved it in the air, Kirigan’s shadow cut already killed Kaz, you were late.

“Y/N!”

You heard a voice.

“Y/N! Come on, wake up!”

Inej was the first one to wake up from the nightmare of the poison, she could able to reach Wylan and as Wylan could explode a small hole in the wall, he gave Inej butterflies.

Inej, as she ate the butterfly as Wylan said it, she felt disgusted. Nearly she was going to throw up however after a few seconds, she felt better. “Wylan..” She whimpered. “We need four more.” She said it in pain.

Inej put the butterfly in Tolya’s mouth as she forcefully made him chew the butterfly. As Tolya woke up with a disgusting taste in his mouth, Inej went to Wylan’s side and took one more butterfly from him.

Then she gave it to Tolya. “Tolya, Jesper. Put it in his mouth.” As Inej said it, she went away and took one more butterfly from Wylan’s hand.

She hurriedly scoot over the Y/N’s side and opened her mouth with her hand. “Come on, Y/N, eat.” As she forcefully tried to made her eat the butterfly, “Y/N, Come on, wake up!” Inej yelled and tears formed in her eyes, after several seconds, you woke up and met Inej’s face. “Inej?” You looked at her confused and you turned your gaze to the room.

You weren’t there inside the Little Palace, it was the poison. Then Inej got up from your side and took the last butterfly and approached to the Kaz’s side, as your eyes followed Inej, she forcefully tried to put the butterfly into Kaz’s mouth, but it was no use.

Something was keeping him from there and he was too tense to eat the butterfly. You looked at Kaz as tears brimmed in your eyes, you closed your eyes for a second as you remembered the cut, you opened and rushed to Inej. “Let me try,” You said desperately.

When Inej gave you the butterfly, you looked at Kaz’s closed eyes. “Don’t leave me, please.” You whispered to yourself. You opened Kaz’s mouth and tried to make him eat the butterfly, it was hard and he was struggling to eat it. “Kaz, Come on!” Your voice was dangerously loud as a tears dropped from your eyes. “I’m not gonna lose you, not today!”

You yelled to him as you tried to make him eat the butterfly.

“Who are you without your vengeance?” Jordie screamed at Kaz as his face looked too pale and there were inflammation marks all over Jordie’s face. “What is the worth of life if you have no one left to fight for?” Jordie said it with sadness, after completing his sentence the anger inside of him came back and his eyes light up with fire.

He drowned Kaz into the water again and Kaz’s felt the utter pain inside his body all over again. The feeling of his lungs feeling with water, utterly panicked him.

Then he heard a voice. It was not Jordie’s. Muffled but not his. It was a girl voice. “Kaz, come on!” She yelled, then as the hands pulled him back, he looked at the very face of Y/N.

The way her eyes looked too worried for him, the way her touch calmed his heart and as the way she pulled him, he looked so relieved to see her.

“Kaz, I’m so sorry,” She said as Kaz’s eyes opened. For a moment, Kaz didn’t feel Y/N’s touch on his face as his eyes met with hers, a sincere relief could be seen by anyone.

But Kaz remembered. The feeling of wet dead bodies flashed into his mind and suddenly he struggled under Y/N’s touch, Y/N hurriedly backed away from him and closed her eyes.

“Is anyone alive?” You heard Wylan’s worried voice. After Tolya and Inej briefly talked, you got up and avoided to look at Kaz. His back was turned from all of you. You got up slowly and looked at Inej. “Did anyone else get lulled into a comforting sense of joy?” Jesper said as his voice cracked, his eyes got teary.

“I didn’t see anything.” Kaz said it coldly as you looked at him. He breathed heavily then Inej briefly glanced at him. “Neither did I.” You didn’t comment on what you saw, you just dodged the question.

“Alright, what’s the plan?” Tolya said.

After Kaz came up with a plan, Ohval walked in and all of you laid down and pretend to be unconscious. She opened the door and looked at all of you. Inej, was on the ceiling and she landed silently. While she was about to pull her knife, Ohval kicked her to the backyard.

Inej got up and pulled her knives. She threw them into Ohval but as Ohval put her hand up, she pushed the knives to the ground. Inej looked at Ohval with a terrified look.

Then all of you got up from the ground. Tolya, Jesper and you hurriedly ran to the backyard as Kaz went inside of the house. Inej threw several knives into Ohval but she was too quick to dodge Inej’s knives.

As Tolya, you and Jesper went to Inej’s side, Jesper and Tolya raised his gun to Ohval, you put your hands up waiting.

Ohval threw Tolya’s gun only a movement of her hand, then she looked at Jesper and warped Jesper’s guns.

When you saw what happened, you curled your hands and showed it to Ohval. Trying to slower her heartbeat into a dangerous rhythm. Tolya also raised his hands to join you but Ohval raised her hands and pulled all the knives in Inej’s waistcoat. She turned the weapons into your way.

It was too quick.

Tolya grunts, all of you dodged the knives. “Seriously offside.” Jesper said as he was very pissed about Ohval’s movements. She threw her hair accessory to Jesper’s neck as she tried to chock him with it. Tolya approached to Ohval’s side and he pulled a punch towards her but she defended herself too quickly. She punched Tolya’s arm while Inej also did a counter on Ohval. Ohval pulled away from Inej’s fist and turned to both of them.

As both Tolya and Inej tried to takedown Ohval, Jesper was still trying to not choke. You raised your hands quickly and curled it to target Ohval. As you were trying to air out of her lungs, she quickly punched both of them to the ground and raised her hands to you.

The next minute you knew, you were choking from loss of air, inside of your lungs. Your vision got blurry, Tolya and Inej looked at you briefly then they attacked Ohval again. As you felt ease, you breathe again. It was deep and, you were hurting.

But she was too strong. She kicked Tolya down and Inej threw her kick into hers but Ohval took her leg and threw her to the wall. You got up and tried to punch Ohval but she quickly dodged the punch and kicked you to the ground.

Inej took her knife as Ohval took one of hers. She tried to stab Inej but, Inej was able to dodge them. As she fought back to Ohval, it was no use. Ohval took her down and tried to stab the knife into Inej’s chest. She was resisting but she couldn’t hold it forever.

Tolya got up slowly as he begged for Inej’s life.

Then suddenly there was an explosion.

Zoya, Wylan and Nina came in just in time. Zoya curled her hands up and hit it Ohval with it. Ohval fell on the ground as all of you got up and and looked at Ohval.

You and Nina were giving Ohval a hard time. You two were trying to stop her heartbeat. But she was powerful, as she moved her hands to the side, all of you chocked.

Zoya gasped and all of you fell down with a movement of Ohval. “This is taking longer than I’d like… Perhaps, we end it.” Ohval said with a harshness in her voice. As she curled her hands, you felt your heart quickened. Your organs were hurting and your vision got blurry. You can only feel the pain and fear. You tried to resist it but she was too powerful.

“Fascinating, isn’t it?” Ohval said with a smirk. “The amount of trace metal there is in the body. Iron, for instance in the blood.”

As she was killing all of you, the sound of an old man came into the backyard. Ohval put her hands down as she released all of you.

You slowly got up from the ground, you saw Kaz. You felt shocked as you heard from Kaz that the Disciple was the man, not her.

Kaz smirked as he looked at Ohval. When the man in chair revealed he stole the Neshyenyer for her and that it belonged to her in the first place, Jesper stepped in. “I’m sorry did you say she made it?” he said.

As the older man got off from the chair and approached to her, he was telling about how she made it. Then Tolya smiled and completed his words.

He chuckled softly. “And it was named Neshyenyer, ‘Relentless.’” He then fell into his knees. “We are honored to be in your presence, Sankta Neyar.” He said as all of you, expect Kaz, fell into your knees for her. “Sankta Neyar?” Inej said surprisingly.

After Jesper took the blade from Sankta Neyar’s house, all of you walked off from her house. It was early hours of morning as the sun appeared in the sky, you took a fresh air into your lungs.

As Jesper was with Wylan, he was kissing him. While Nina, Zoya and Tolya walked away from the house. You, Inej and Kaz walked away too. As you squeezed gently Inej’s arm, Kaz looked at both of you.

Inej then turned her head to Kaz. She smiled softly and looked at you. “I’m gonna check in Jesper.” She squeezed your hand and walked away from the two of you.

You and Kaz walked silently as Inej left your side. After a minute of silence, Kaz broke it. “You never told, what you saw.” You looked at him in a shocked expression. You didn’t expect him to remember it.

“You didn’t see anything, maybe I didn’t see too.” You answered it as you tried to brush it off. But then Kaz stopped in his tracks and turned his body to you. “Maybe I did see something, through the haze of poison.” He admitted as when you hear his heartbeat, it got quicken. You looked at him deeply.

“There are those who drown us, and those who pull us out.” He looked at you deeply as he said these words. You felt blush crept into your cheeks as you watched him. For a brief moment you closed your eyes. “Maybe I did see something too.” You revealed weakly.

He looked at you with a visible concern in his face. “What did your toxin trip reveal to you?” He said it curiously. You then opened your eyes and felt tears in your eyes. Kaz’s eyebrows furrowed and you smiled softly. “My reason to live and my biggest nightmare. All in the same place.”

The reason you live because of Kaz.

The biggest nightmare was Kaz’s death.

Kaz looked at you, for a brief moment his eyes soften because of the tears in your eyes. “But it doesn’t matter, now, we are alive.” You said softly and turned your body and looked at the sky. Kaz, watched your face as you looked at the sky.

He saw living saints but none of them mattered to him. The only saint he believed in was standing next to him. The only one to be there for him through his nightmares and everything.

He would become a better man for her. He would be a better man, for her.

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notelcol · 8 months ago

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Second vote is here! ❤️

Saving the character vote for the last one to try and make a chaotic story😆

So far we have shadow and bone as our winner fandom🫶(can’t lie I was a little surprised but I should have known the grishaverse is thirsty)

Thank you for voting! Keep an eye out for the next vote. Let’s see how interesting we can make this😝🌹

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steponmeinejghafa · 1 year ago

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Dance With Me

Summary: Nina forces you to come to a ball with her, and soon finds out why you didn’t want to be there in the first place.

Nina Zenik x fem!Kostyk!Reader

Warnings: Stressful social setting

Note: In this, pretend Nina never went to Fjerda in KoS. This is a little before those events, but definitely after Nikolai renounced his title as Sturmhond. And you’re a Durast, just so you know. And slightly neurodivergent. Very slightly.

———

You were quietly minding your own business at the Little Palace, helping some younger Fabrikators with their abilities. Your teacher had assigned them to you earlier that week, knowing you could help them as much as possible, with your never-ending patience and calming demeanour.

All of a sudden, Nina burst into the room, frightening you and one of the other children, who accidentally threw the metal ball he was practising with at you with his power.

“Saints alive-“ you wheezed, holding your side where the object had collided with you. “Um- why don’t you go there in the corner and practise hand movements, hm?”

“Sorry, Y/n…” the boy said sheepishly. You smiled and patted his head before he ran off to join his friends on the other side of the room.

“Nina,” you breathed out, looking at her practically vibrating with excitement. “What was so important that you had to burst in so…loudly?”

She was clutching a letter in her hands and squealed, “Nikolai’s planned a ball for absolutely no reason!”

“Lovely for you,” you smiled and kissed her forehead. “Forgive my asking, but…what does that have to do with me?”

“He’s invited you, me, Tamar, Nadia, Zoya, and the others, so you have got to come with me!” She giggled.

Your heart dropped to your knees at the very thought of going to a ball, where people danced expertly, knew how to woo a lady, and definitely didn’t step on their partner’s toes while waltzing.

“Um…my love, may we discuss this a little later?” You asked, looking around the room, any where but at her.

“Of course,” she smiled. “Is everything okay?”

“Yes, yes,” you smiled. “It’s all good, just…I need to think it over.”

“Lovely!” She clapped her hands joyfully and pressed a gentle kiss to your lips, which was punctuated by a dragged out ‘ew’ from the children.

Nina laughed and nodded, mouthing, ‘I should go,’ before squeezing your hand and going out.

Later that evening, you were, again, minding your own business after having returned to the royal palace, when she burst in yet again, making you almost upset your ink bottle over the paper you were writing on.

“My-my dear, if you could just knock before entering it would be far better-“ you laughed nervously, pushing your chair back as she planted herself on your lap. Your arms instinctively wrapped around her waist, and you leaned up, kissing her cheek before smiling.

“Did you think it over?” She asked, leaning into your touch as you rested your cheek against the back of her shoulder.

You sighed, “I did, and I don’t- I don’t think I want to go…”

“Why not?” She asked, and you could practically hear her pout. “It’s a lovely evening to go for! There’s dancing, there’s music, there’s food…”

“Um…I think we can get that at any posh place in the city,” you admitted. “I just…I don’t want to go.”

“But darling, please,” she whined, turning so that her lower back rested against the edge of your table. Her arms looped around your neck as her soft green eyes met your e/c ones. “I really want to go with you! It’s been ages since we last went to an event together!”

You sighed and gave in, “Alright, but I will not dance.”

She gasped, “But why?!”

“I draw the line at dancing, my dear,” you said. “Please let it be enough that I agree to go.”

She decided not to press the matter further, and smiled brightly, her eyes grinning and her entire face lighting up. “I love you,” she said, before leaning down to kiss your lips gently.

“And I, you,” you said softly, smiling against her lips.

—Time Skip—

The day of the ball came faster than expected, and you were a nervous wreck as you and the others got ready for the festivities.

“What’s got you all jittery, Y/n?” Zoya asked, raising an eyebrow. “You’re trembling like a leaf in a storm.”

“Zoya, have you met Y/n?” Nadia laughed. “She’s like her brother, she hates social gatherings like these.”

“So she’s a little baby,” Tamar joked, poking you in the side playfully.

“Don’t be mean, now,” Genya chided them all as she tailored her hair a little redder. “Y/n just finds them mildly uncomfortable. As does David.”

“No, no, I agree with them,” you nodded, pulling on the jacket which went with your suit. “I hate social gatherings.”

“Nina, how is it that you fell in love with her?” Zoya laughed, braiding her hair so she could twist it into a bun. “She’s the exact opposite of you.”

“What can I say? I’ve got a thing for the quiet ones,” Nina giggled, coming over and kissing your cheek. “Lace me up, would you darling?”

You were already fidgety, and thankfully, lacing up your girlfriend’s dress helped quite a bit. “I was bullied into attending,” you admitted, earning a laugh from all of them. Confusion shadowed over your face as you frowned a little, “Why is that funny?”

“It just is, N/n,” Tamar ruffled your hair, earning a disgruntled noise from you as you gently pushed her hand away.

“I will…um…check on the boys,” you nodded, “Yes, I’ll go check on them.”

You hurried out of the room before anyone could stop you, counting your steps as you went to Nikolai’s massive dressing room, knowing it was precisely 203 steps away from Zoya’s, where you had been a moment ago.

You entered after knocking, and sat down on a small chair right beside a mirror.

“We’re the girls teasing you again?” Nikolai chuckled as he put his white shirt on. “Or were you just coming to visit?”

“I don’t know what they were doing, actually,” you frowned. “But I do know I don’t want to go to the ball.”

“Then don’t go,” Tolya said as if it was he most obvious thing in the world as he combed his hair back. Ball or not, he was still dressing as sharply as a soldier.

“You see, as a fact, Nina does not really enjoy missing any social gathering,” you said. “And I, on the other hand, would rather die than go to one.”

Nikolai began to wear his tie and laughed, “Am I really such a nuisance for organising these gatherings that you would rather die than attend them?”

“No, I-“ you paused, analysing his statement. “Was that a joke?”

“Yes, Y/n, yes it was,” he grinned, also ruffling your hair.

“Why does everyone keep doing that?” You mumbled, fixing your hair again.

“I agree with my sister,” came your brother’s similarly quiet voice. “I cannot say I enjoy being at such big events.”

“I’d rather be building something,” you nodded, to which David made a noise of agreement.

“Well, I can’t say you can just disagree with what Nina and Genya have said,” Tolya shrugged. “I have seen the two of them. They almost exist only for gatherings.”

“Y/n, you’ve worn something far too drab, did the others say nothing about it?” Nikolai said, looking at you.

You looked at your plain black suit, neatly pressed and creaseless. “What’s wrong with this? It’s my best suit!”

“For a funeral, maybe,” Interjected Tolya.

“Now you both are bullying me,” you frowned.

Nikolai went to his closet and pulled out a suit which looked far richer than yours, which had a white shirt, white pants, and a coat which had gold buttons all the way down the front. A thick gold border went down the length of it, and to finish it with a slightly feminine look, a delicate, spidery pattern of lace was embroidered onto the cuffs.

“Go on and try it,” Nikolai suggested, giving you the hanger on which it was kept and pushing you towards the changing screen.

You went in and tried it on, it fitting perfectly. The thick, almost kefta-like material of the coat felt nice under your fidgety fingertips, and the soft silk fabric of the shirt was welcoming on your skin. You’d never felt more confident than you did then, standing in a King’s attire.

“Let’s see how it looks, my friend!” Called out Tolya. You emerged from behind the screen, feeling your confidence give a little way for some amount of shyness at the attention.

“Damn,” Nikolai said. “I’d say Nina is going to be very happy.”

“She does say she loves me in blue,” you admitted, your hands already fidgeting with the hem of the coat, feeling the slightly prickly gold border against your fingertips.

“If you like the suit, you can keep it,” Nikolai grinned. “You look absolutely stunning in it. I have to say, you pull it off better than I do.”

You caught your brother’s eye, and he hummed in acknowledgment, nodding his head slightly. You both, even as children, had almost always communicated like this. With subtle hand gestures, eye movements, and nods.

After a little while of chatting, Nikolai exhaled sharply as he dusted off his coat sleeves. “Right, I will be on my way down to welcome the guests.”

“Hooray…” you said, with little enthusiasm. “That was sarcasm, by the way.”

“Well done,” Tolya patted you on the back. “It’s practically impossible to tell.”

You frowned, “Actually, I was being rather obvious about it…”

The giant laughed and led you out, putting an arm around your shoulder. “Never change, Y/n.”

“Um, I’ll go find Nina,” you nodded and walked off.

When your girlfriend saw you in the suit, her jaw dropped. As did everyone else’s in the room.

“I love how you look in blue,” grinned Nina as she ran her hands down your shoulders to your waist.

You smiled slightly and whispered a thank you, blushing a bright red.

“Guys, it’s nearly eight o clock, the guests should be arriving now,” admitted Nadia as she looked at the clock on the wall. She looked at both you and Nina, adding, “Now stop making moon eyes at each other and get your backsides downstairs.”

You nodded as Nina took you by the hand, leading you downstairs, while the others followed suit.

“I’m nervous,” you said.

“Don’t be,” giggled Nina. “It’ll be fun, I promise.”

“I hope that wasn’t a joke…” you mumbled.

The ballroom filled up pretty fast, with the soft music of the band floating through the crowd. Men danced with their ladies in graceful two-steps, otherwise they whirled around in a fast-paced foxtrot. You stood at the end of the dance floor, watching closely while Nina and Nadia danced together, laughing hysterically.

There were too many people, though. Your skin crawled at the sudden thickness of the air, and you couldn’t really process the whole situation entirely. Sounds mashed together, the scent of perfume was choking, and the hum of people talking was getting annoying.

You were immediately broken out of your little freak-out when Nina caught your hand.

“Why is my gorgeous girlfriend standing here, alone, not dancing?” She asked, leaning up to kiss your lips.

“I…” you shook your head and whispered, “I’m just tired.”

“Hm…” she hummed in thought, trying to figure out what was wrong. “Do you mind telling me why you don’t want to dance with me?”

You felt your cheeks burn with embarrassment as you quietly replied, “I don’t know how to dance…”

Her eyes lit up as she held your face in her hands, and a smile tugged at her lips as she chuckled, “Was that all? You could’ve asked me to teach you!”

“I didn’t know how to ask…” you replied sheepishly.

She pulled you onto the dance floor where fewer people were swaying together, and she said, “Put your hand on my waist and hold the other,”

You did just so, and she smiled before guiding you towards doing a box step. You marvelled at how lovely a teacher she was, focusing solely on her voice.

“One, two, three, four, five, six,” you muttered under your breath. Nina laughed and squeezed your hand with hers, trying not to wince when you stepped on her toes with your hard leather shoes.

As the evening ended, you both collapsed into bed, tired for different reasons after having changed int more comfortable attire.

“You stepped more on my feet than you did the floor,” she chuckled.

“I will have you know that I was on beat,” you said. “You had it coming.”

“Well…you weren’t bad,” she nodded. “I must admit.”

You pulled her atop you and hugged her close, whispering, “Thank you for teaching me,”

“No problem, my love,” Nina replied, kissing your cheek. “It’s been a long night…” she sighed, sinking further into your touch.

“We should get some sleep,” you replied, tracing shapes on her back with your fingertips.

So there you both lay together, seeing comfort in each others embrace as the night went by, with its dark blue sky speckled with stars, and the wind blowing silently through the trees in the garden below.

—��—

I hope you enjoyed this one! Feel free to request!

#shadow and bone #fluff #nina zenik #lesbian #zoya nazylensky #nikolai lantsov #genya safin #david kostyk #tolya yul bataar #tolya and tamar #tamar kir bataar #female y/n #x fem!reader #nina zenik x fem!reader #nina zenik x reader #bisexual

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chaosofmanyfandoms · 1 year ago

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I'm currently going to be writing six of crows/shadow and bone winter oneshots if anybody has any requests! Also since it's Christmas time, I'd love to write for bernard from the santa clause movies aswell!

#malyen oretsev #alina starkov #nikolai lantsov #tolya yul bataar #tamar yul bataar #kaz brekker #inej ghafa #jesper fahey #wylan van eck #nina zenik #matthias helvar #x read #gn reader #male reader #fem reader #bernard the elf

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typingfool · 1 year ago

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𝐍𝐎𝐁𝐋𝐄𝐒 𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐍𝐎𝐁𝐋𝐄𝐒 ;; nikolai lantsov

pairing ; Nikolai Lantsov x fem!Reader platonic / mentions ; tamar yul-bataar, tolya yul-bataar

outline —; Nikolai isn’t the only royal member in the Sturmhond Crew.

WARNINGS —: none.

Word Count —; 621

A/N —; just wanted to write something again, i've been stuck in a writer's rut. NOT BOOK ACCURATE. THIS IS BASED ON THE SHOW; SHADOW AND BONE. so sorry if it's short, i'll expand on this later. for now, enjoy !!

“You’re whom?”

His tired question echoes, voice bouncing across the room, making Nikolai slightly bite his inner cheek. He shook his head, blonde hair messily falling over the edge of his brows. You sat with your back against the headboard, the weight of your knees covering your chest. He carefully repeated his question; “Who are you?”

You lay your cheek against your knee, a familiar smile broadly appearing across your face. A sleepy expression carried your next words, as though you weren’t thinking about what you were saying. “Secondborn Princess of Novyi Zem.” You replied with a yawn.

Nikolai sat on the edge of the bed, the fabric of the tunic fit his body perfectly, and you forced yourself not to stare. Peaking your gaze towards your clothes. He scoffed, his hand extending to your face. His fingers found their way to your chin, forcing you to look at him. With amusement evident in his voice, he said; “Why didn’t you tell me?”

Your fingers curled around his wrist, pulling it away, the absence of his touch lingered across the skin of your chin. Rolling your eyes, your head fell back against the bed’s headboard. “Sure, of course, I would tell you, Prince Nikolai.” You teased, shaking your head, arms wrapping around your legs. “You didn’t think you were the only royal one on board, did you?”

Nikolai plopped himself on the bed, with his palm on his forehead, scoffing.

No wonder you were so enticing. So polite and kind. Your posture told your status, you held your head high, shoulders on-alert, hands crossed or over each other (because, who would hold your hands if it grew cold?). Your choices were impulsive, for sure, but that was only due to the fact that the luxury of choice isn’t a right to a Princess, especially a Secondborn. The attention is with the Firstborn, the first light, the first star, the responsible, the role model.

How could Nikolai miss all those traits? The traits that made him love you deeply. In secret. With the doors locked, he would hold his aching heart, wishing that Sturmhond is his real name.

Then again, you adopted an alias. One that felt so uneasy leaving his tongue. He felt the need to say your real name, if you so kindly give him the permission to. “What is your name?” Nikolai asked, peeking down on your tired figure.

You left your spot and settled beside him, elbows touching. You said your name without looking at him, carrying the bitterness of your title alongside your identity.

“Princess…” He started slowly, maybe sleepily. His whispery voice stopped, before he turned to face you. Your gaze was still fixed on the ceiling, ignoring the Prince’s tracing eyes over your profile. “No,” He stopped, then said your name.

The weight of your responsibilities came tumbling down. And Saints didn’t matter to you anymore, the ongoing war of Ravka, destroying the Fold, Kirigan’s return… nothing mattered. Nothing. Your name never sounded so common, yet so rare. Your parents named you after a Queen, and as the saying goes, ‘Name her after a Queen and expect her to act like one.’

For a moment, you were so thankful that you were in a foreign land. One that didn’t recognize your name in its meaning. Thankful for your impulsive and rash decision that one midnight. The one night you fled, met Tamar and Tolya, and joined Sturmhond’s Crew.

The one night that changed your view in a world so cruel. That, perhaps, a stranger’s name could belong to you. But he proved you wrong. Your name belongs to you.

“Out there, Princess” Nikolai pointed to the walls, eyes closed. “In here, No titles,” Nikolai smiled.

♡ PLEASE LIKE & REBLOG TO SUPPORT ME.

#'ziah writes 🕯#nikolai lantsov fanfiction #nikolai lantsov x reader #nikolai lantsov x yn #nikolai lantsov imagine #nikolai lantsov x you #nikolai lantsov x y/n #shadow and bone x reader #nikolai sturmhond x reader

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trove-of-tales · 1 year ago

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Three Attempts - Nikolai Lantsov

Nikolai Lantsov x Fem!Reader Summary: When an assassin was hired to kill the infamous privateer of the Volkvolny, she finds herself less and less able to make the killing blow. Third times the charm, though, right? Warnings: Strong language, smut, violence, angst, Nikolai being a bit possessive and an author who doesn't know how to use Tumblr :) Word count: 10K

The Volkvolny was a pretty ship. It almost didn't belong in Ketterdam's 5th Harbour. Still, I couldn't complain about the placement.

It was easy to board the ship, sneaking passed each and every crewmate until I found a decent hiding place at the bow of the ship, behind some wooden crates. My eyes scanned the ship, catching sight of a flash of teal.

Sturmhond was a well-known privateer, though he was younger than I'd expected him to be. He was tall, his hair an odd shade of red, eyes a muddy shade of green as he strolled next to a taller, buff man. Upon closer inspection, his nose was crooked, like it'd been broken too many times and not set properly. The man next to him was Tolya Yul-Bataar, my intel telling me he was close to the privateer.

"Tamar would have your head if she found out you were gambling." Tolya grinned at the privateer.

"Can a privateer not indulge in games with his own money?" Sturmhond laughed.

"Not when he drinks too much and loses everything." Tolya retorted. They stood together, shoulders loose, talking amongst each other.

I stayed silent, watching.

"Tolya!" A woman bellowed from the helm.

Tolya cringed. "I'm going to get blamed for this, aren't I?"

"Ah, yes, I might have put a few rounds in your name." Sturmhond confessed, grinning. Tolya shot him a look before he stalked off to the woman.

It was silent as Sturmhond stood mere feet away from me, gazing across the horizon, the sky darkening considerably.

"If you plan to kill me, at least do me the honour of leaving my pretty face unmarked." He said into the silence of the sunset.

I froze. Surely not, he couldn't possibly have-

"My dear," He turned to the wooden crates. "As much as I adore the build up to an event, if you're going to kill me, I'd rather it be sooner, than later."

I stepped out from my hiding spot, squaring my shoulders. My dagger was gripped tightly in my right hand, the blade catching the light from the setting sun. Sturmhond grinned at me.

"Oh good, for a moment there I thought I was talking to the waves." I bit down a growl at his words. "I assume you've been hired, dove."

I say nothing as I stalk closer to him. He was tall and gangly; I could easily take him.

"Well, you've lost the advantage of taking me by surprise." He continued speaking. "Brute force is what I'd assume your next tactic is."

As he said that, I lunged. My blade centimetres from his throat, he caught my wrist and threw my arm away. I lunged again, aiming for his heart this time, where he sprang back, the blade nicking his bicep. I swept my leg out, plunging my blade towards his stomach. I missed every single time.

Sturmhond grabbed my wrist with surprising strength, holding my arm straight as he stood beside me. I grunted as I moved my other arm to catch the blade as I dropped it, but he held that arm too, kicking the dagger away from us. I panted, furious.

His seawater scent, mixed with something expensive, floated around me as I glared at him. He tilted his head, eyes sparkling.

"May I ask, my dear, why were you planning to kill me with a child's dagger?" He taunted. I stared at my dagger mere feet away from us.

I stayed silent, my nostrils flaring. I'd never missed a target before. None had sensed me before I’d killed them and yet, there he was, still alive. I'd boarded this miserable ship to kill him, and he wasn't dead. I growled darkly at him, trying to break his grip from my arms.

"Not very talkative, are we?" He squeezed my wrists tighter, and I found myself loosing a breath. He leant in close, moving to my front. "Do you know what I find so interesting about you assassins? You're all so utterly predictable."

I spat at him, my saliva landing on his left cheekbone.

He didn't flinch, the spit rolling down the side of his face, yet he made no move to wipe it off. Just squeezed my wrists tighter, causing me to wince.

"Shall we try that again?" He said, darkly.

"Get off me." I snarled.

He chuckled. "But you didn't answer my question, dove." I refused to speak. With a swift sweep of his foot, I was on the floor, Sturmhond kneeling above me, my wrists held above my head. My blade was pressed against my neck, so quickly I hadn't even seen him grab it. "I said, 'Shall we try that again?'"

I struggled beneath him. I hadn't expected him to be this strong. I'd expected a laid back, pole of a man, yet he'd pinned me down to the floor so effortlessly, not even a hitch in his breathing. I'd underestimated him.

At my surprise, Sturmhond grinned. The dagger was removed from my throat and placed in his belt. "Nice blade. I think it'll be lovely to add to my collection, don't you think?" He sat back on his thighs, legs still trapping my body to the ground. When I didn't answer he sighed, as though disappointed.

The pirate stood, brushing off the invisible dirt from his teal coat. He stared at me, disinterested, before turning and walking towards the stairs. He paused, turning back to me expectantly.

"Come along, dove." He said. "I hardly think above deck would be the best place for such a conversation. I'd hate to get my crewmates involved." He pointed at Tolya and the woman, Tamar, who were stood at the helm, glaring at me. "It's easier for you to follow me. I'm a lot gentler." He winked.

I glowered at him before moving to follow. At the end of the corridor, he opened a heavy door, stepping aside so that I entered first. It was a plain room, the most notable feature being the large desk in the centre. I realised my mistake as the door behind me slammed shut, lock clicking as Sturmhond turned the key, slipping it into his pocket. He'd locked me in here.

The room was silent around the two of us, eyes meeting, tension rolling. Scanning the room, I saw no other way to leave, just the locked door behind the privateer. Speaking of, his pond-water-green eyes studied me, closely.

I clenched my fists at my sides. He may have taken my dagger, but I could still fight my way out of this if it came down to it.

He smirked as he strolled closer. His eyes scanned me, leaving me exposed as I glowered at him. To myself, I wondered who the hunter really was, and who the hunted had become. "Do you have a name?"

I stayed silent. my chin held high. Internally, I was confused. He knew I was going to kill him and yet, there I stood, alive. Surely the smartest choice would’ve been to kill me before I killed him.

He sighed at my lack of answer. "So proud, dove. But I don't need a name, I suppose. Just exactly what you'd planned." His eyes turned cold, teeth clenching. He gestured to the seats at his desk. "Sit down."

I obeyed, sitting on the edge of the seat across from the larger chair behind his desk, which he took a seat on. He poured two glasses of amber liquid from a decanter before picking his own up, raising it to is lips, slowly.

He pushed my glass forward, my eyes scanning his hands. They were covered in nicks, cuts, scars, and calluses; the hands of a man who did heavy labour, and who did it frequently.

"Drink." He gestured to my glass. I hesitated, wondering if it could be poison. Though, if he wanted to kill me, I suspected he’d go for something a little less plain. I gave in, taking a large mouthful of the bitter liquid. I stifled a cough.

His eyes followed my every move. As I placed my drink down, his eyes narrowed again.

"It's not poison, if that's what you were wondering." He explained. "Just something to loosen the tongue. What do you know of me?"

"You are Sturmhond. Privateer as you like to call yourself, but I prefer the term pirate." I spoke, voice low and threatening. He rose a brow.

"But Privateer just sounds better, wouldn't you think, my dear?" He smirked. "Nasty, dirty, violent things, pirates. With a term like Privateer, it commands respect. And really, I just smell too good to be a pirate. Continue."

"You're younger than I was told you were. And stronger." I told him, aggravated. "I was expecting a drunk stick of a man and yet..." I trailed off, eyes dragging over his body. "You're surprisingly strong."

He flexed, vainly, at me, causing me to draw me gaze away, disgusted. He let the comment go to his head, smirking. Pirates.

"And what else, dove?" He leaned forward in his seat, slightly, forearms pressing into the hard wood of his desk. He'd said the words quietly, like it was some sort of intimate question. His seawater scent washed over me again. His muddy green eyes seemed to change, like a forest at twilight, the bark still shining, but darkening as time went on. He stared at me, the room fading around us. I broke my gaze.

"You've pissed off some very powerful men. Powerful men that wish to see you dead." I crossed my arms, ignoring heat forming on the tips of my ears. "That's why I'm here."

He chuckled, a low and deep tone, his grin almost mocking. "My dear, you're going to have to be more specific than that. Most powerful men want me dead. I'd be surprised if there was one who didn't, at this rate." He leaned back in his chair, lazing on it like I hadn't threatened his life. "I suspect there are powerful men that want you dead, too. Tying up loose ends and all."

I snarled. "Powerful men don't want me dead. Powerful men want to hire me to kill people like you. And then hope they can spend the night with me." I told him, leaning forward on my seat, eyes a wildfire.

He was silent for a few moments, before he smirked, crossing his arms. "So, killing people like me, bedding powerful men, getting paid. Must be a very fulfilling life."

I scowled. "I kill people, I get paid, that's all there is to it. I don't care what they want from my body." I was in control; I was always in control.

"And I assume they pay you handsomely, to kill people like me." He purred. His tone was light, teasing, yet his body language was tensed, calculating. The room was silent as he studied me, eyes wandering over my figure. I shifted in my seat, unable to read the expression in his eyes, the hair on my arms stood up straight, bumps appearing on my skin.

He sighed.

"Tell me, dove. What does power feel like, to you?" He tried again, his voice suddenly sharp, dangerous. "What does the feeling of holding a life in the palm of your hand feel like?"

He laughed, cruelly.

"I'd imagine you take much joy in it."

I squared my shoulder as I stared at him. "It feels great." I lied through my teeth. I wouldn't let him see the real me, crawling beneath my skin as I watched him study me. I was the ruthless, cold-hearted assassin, and that's all he would see. All I would allow him to see. "It feels wonderful."

"And yet here I sit, alive." Sturmhond taunted. I flashed him a glare, my shoulders tense. "How much were they going to pay you?"

"Fifteen thousand kruge." I told him.

His eyes narrowed. "I'm not sure if I should be insulted. I'd expected a little more than that but..." His eyes met mine. "I'll double that, and we can pretend this never happened."

"There are four contracts against you. Putting the grand total at sixty thousand kruge." I smirked, unkindly. "Give me a better offer and I'll think about it."

"Such a clever little negotiator." He mocked. He grinned wickedly at me, my heart skipping a few beats. His eyes: something about them was dangerous, like a predator hiding in the bushes. He leaned closer and for a shocking moment, I felt what it was like to be the rabbit the fox hunted, hunger in the beast’s eyes. "Seventy-five thousand."

"One-hundred thousand, take it or leave it." I choked out.

The corners of his mouth curled. "I do think that's a bit unfair, dove." he stood, walking around the desk, sitting on it to my left. I turned, raising a brow. He grabbed my glass and refilled it, holding it out to me. "I suppose I may agree to your conditions."

"Do you have that much money, pirate?" I spat, taking a sip of the amber liquid. It burned as it made its way down my throat, my chest warming.

He pulled a face. "Privateer. And why should I not have that much money?" He refilled his own glass, taking a swig of it as he placed the decanter down. His eyes traced me, a strange glint in his eyes. He oozed confidence. "What makes you think I couldn't pay even double that?"

"Because you're a lowlife scum pirate." I snarled. "You steal and kill and drink. No, I do not think you have a spare hundred thousand kruge lying around."

The small smirk faded from his lips, as he placed down his glass, turning to face me. "Do you know what I find funny?"

I stared at him.

He leaned forward, practically eye-level with me, mere inches from my face. "I could kill you, right here, right now. I don't have to pay you a single coin. You are defenceless and you sit in a locked room with me, with a severe disadvantage. And yet here I am, offering you more money than you'd get if you'd killed me, and you still think you have the advantage?"

The humour in his gaze was gone, and I could truly see why this man commanded respect and fear wherever he found himself. And there I was, poking the bear.

"I'd like to see you try." I challenged, breathing out, sharply.

He said nothing, and for a moment I thought he'd actually do it. That he'd tired of the circles we'd run and was finally going for the killing blow. His face softened and he scooted closer along the desk as he gazed at me. "Join me."

I stood from my chair, walked past him and over to the locked door. Sturmhond stayed sat on his desk, watching me. I ignored him, pulling two lock picks from my corset and inserting them into the lock of the door. I could feel his gaze on my back as the door clicked and I swung it open, pausing in the doorway.

"The next time we meet, I won't miss." I promised. "I will kill you and you will not be expecting it." I did not turn to see his face.

He chuckled, the sound causing my shoulders to tense. "Try," He simply said. I heard his footsteps echo closer to where I stood. "Try again. I dare you."

I curled my lip. "I won't need to try. I know I'll succeed." With that, I began to walk up the stairs.

Sturmhond caught my arm, pulling me to a halt as we reached the deck. The hair along my arms rose and my skin pebbled. I felt his breath against the back of my ear, his body heat hitting my back. He was too close.

"Are you so sure you want to take that risk?" He mumbled, voice low and gravelly. The deck faded around us as my senses reduced to him and how close he was.

I said nothing.

It was silent for a few moments, neither of us making a motion to move away. He sighed, the feeling bouncing off the back of my ear and the side of my neck. He let go of my arm and stepped back, coldness filling the space at my back once more. I was thankful for the cover of the night sky.

"You're free to go." He said, coldly. I still refused to turn to him, my gaze resting upon the railings at his ship. "But I await your next attempt." There was an underlying threat to his words.

I jumped from the railings, disappearing from view. The further I got away from the Volkvolny, the better I would feel.

It was several months later before I tried again.

The Volkvolny had docked at Novyi Zem, and its privateer had booked an Inn not far from Weddle. It was a decent Inn, the walls thick, freshly painted and not chipping, a door that locked, a wonderful windowsill I'd perched on as I stared into the darkness of his room. I'd acquired a new dagger after Sturmhond had taken mine, this one a beautiful glittering silver, bronze handle decorated and delicate.

The room was simple, a wardrobe propped up near the door, a small vanity with an even smaller chair. I took note of the teal coat draped over it. Finally, two bedside tables bracketed a large queen-sized bed. And on that bed, a pirate sprawled out on his back, soft snores filling the room. The only thing wrong with the Inn? The windows didn't lock.

I crept silently into the room, shutting the windows behind me. The only light being from the oil lamps outside on the street, the room otherwise dark. I stood by his bed, dagger raised, ready to deliver the killing blow.

And yet, I found myself hesitating.

I watched him, his oddly coloured red hair splayed across his forehead, messily. A callused hand rested on his chest, the other tucked beneath his pillow. His lips were parted, soft snores escaping, and his eyelids would flicker every so often, signalling his dreaming state. It would be so easy to kill him, just one perfectly placed plunge of my dagger... so why could I not do it?

A mumble came from him, his lips quirking into a slight smile as he dreamed. This pirate, who had killed and stolen for fun, looked so innocent in the light of the oil lamps outside. His brows creased in the centre, and I found myself wanting to smooth it out with my thumb.

I took in a deep breath, steadying my shoulders, the dagger raised above his heart. I faltered again. Why? Why could I not kill him?

My grip on my dagger was so tight, the hilt seemed to tremble, as I hesitated again and again. Did I doubt myself? Was that why I couldn't do it? Or did the guilt of killing so many finally rear its head at the final moment?

And then, he moved. My heart raced as he began to shift, groaning lowly in his throat. I stood utterly still as he stretched his arms above his head, sighing as he released the tension of his shoulders. His eyes flickered open, dark in the night's cover, yet I knew they were still that strange, murky green.

As though he sensed me, Sturmhond's eyes locked with mine and I froze. He said nothing as his eyes studied me, up and down, the room silent. Then, he grinned.

"I thought you promised to kill me." He spoke, his voice rough with sleep. He let out a cruel chuckle. "I suppose I'm a little disappointed you didn't even try. I picked this room especially for us."

My nostrils flared and I lunged at him, pressing my dagger against his neck as I pinned him to the bed, my knees framing his sides, crouched on top of him. My breathing was quick, rushed, as I scowled at him. I had killed countless people before him. I had succeeded at every single one of them.

And yet-

He laughed, this time a soft chuckle, eyes shining in the dull light as he stared up at me. He made no move to defend himself, to push me from his chest. Instead, he spoke, carelessly as though asking about the weather.

"Well, my dear... what are you waiting for?"

I pressed my blade harder against his neck, nostrils flaring as I watched a single drop of blood collect on the metal. Yet I could not kill him. No matter how much I fought with my mind, I could not do it. With an enraged yell, I threw the dagger across the room and rested my head on his chest, fisting his sleep shirt in my hands.

It was silent before he spoke again.

"Why?" His voice was soft.

"I don't know." I growled at him. I was hired to kill him and yet it was impossible for my hand to do as I said. He was insufferable and I hated him, but why could I not kill him?

He raised his head, slightly, causing my gaze to snap to him. His hand slid up and bunched the hair at my nape in his fingers.

"You've waited so long to kill me, dove," His lips brushed my throat as he spoke, voice almost silent. His seawater scent surrounded me. "And you failed, again."

I pushed myself away from him, stung by his words, the feeling of his lips still a phantom touch against my throat. His hand was still curled into my hair, loosening the band that held its braid. Strands fell down by my face, yet all I could see was his murky green eyes.

"Just join me." He whispered. As he spoke, his eyes grew heavy, the usual twinkle in his eyes darkening. "You know it's easier for you to just give in and join me."

"I refuse." I told him. "I'm here to kill you."

It was silent as he pondered my words, before the fox-like look returned to his eyes. He grinned, gripping my hair at the nape of my neck, giving him full control.

"Still so stubborn, even though she's on the losing side." He purred. I stiffened in his grasp, his breath hitting my face. I lost my words. "Just join my crew."

I shook my head as much as his grip allowed, eyes lidded.

"I'm an assassin, I don't belong to any crew."

He ran his tongue along the inside of his cheek. "Then why haven't you killed me yet?" He said, darkly. "Tell me why."

I shook my head, hands pressed against his chest, face turned away from him. He was beneath me, yet I had the sinking feeling I wasn't the one in control. His voice was gravelly due to his slumber mere minutes ago, and he whispered into the silence of the room.

His other hand took my chin, gently, and turned my face back to his. "Tell me." He said, lowly, finger stroking my jaw. "Or I will give you a reason."

My eyes fluttered closed, but still, I said nothing.

His grip tightened on my jaw, and I let out a sharp whimper, eyelids flying open. I flushed as his eyes widened. The fox-like look was back on his face, grinning cruelly at me. He leaned upwards, slightly breathing on my face, and I felt my cheeks burn.

"Still no answer?" I breathed out at his question, eyes fluttering closed again. The silence of the room was deafening, and goosebumps appeared on my skin at the tone of his voice. "Should I give you a reason to stay?" His eyes were dark as he took me in.

"You're a pirate." I whispered. "I refuse to belong to a pirate."

He let out a sharp laugh, the sound rumbling underneath me, where I was still perched on his chest. "Privateer. But I'll teach you the difference." his finger stroked my jaw, up and down, gently. "I think it's a very good offer."

"Why would I possibly want to join you?" I snarled. "I've played the part of looking like some cheap piece of jewellery, hanging off someone's arm. I work alone."

"Not even for the money? The thrill of killing? You'd make a wonderful addition to my crew." He nosed up my neck, speaking slowly. "All it takes is one word."

"No."

He pulled his face back, biting his lip as he studied me. Whatever he found must have amused him because he chuckled again.

"You're a challenge, dove. Maybe that's why I enjoy your presence so much." His hands withdrew from my jaw and hair, and he brought them underneath his head, smiling lazily. "If you're so against joining my crew, leave. I won't stop you."

The window was to my left. I could slip out and not look back, leave him there, smug and alone. I made no move to leave.

He laughed again, his voice almost silken, enjoying the conflict within me. "So, what is your answer?" He purred.

My gaze flickered to his lips, the tongue that poked out to wet them, before I remembered myself and met his eyes, glaring fiercely.

"You were so vocal just now; don't tell me you've turned shy." He grinned. "Just tell me your answer. Stay with me, or leave. I think I know what it'll be." His gaze flickered down to my lips as he spoke, lowly.

"No," I trembled. My heart beat loudly in my ears, my breathing faster than its usual controlled speed.

"That's not an answer, dove." He told me, smiling. The window was there, I could step off him, and leave. But I felt frozen to my place on his chest. "Leave now, like you should do. Or stay."

Saints, he was making this hard. I knew I should leave. Leave before this progressed. But perhaps... just for one night I could entertain this. Just for the night.

"Stay?" My voice was quiet. I sat, frozen, on top of him, eyes lidded.

His smile widened as he watched me. "Yes." There was something final in his voice, almost sounding like the word 'forever'. He sat up, his face inches from mine. "Well?"

His voice was soft and cruel and sweet, something so very powerful in it that I felt myself nodding before I'd even heard what he said. A low chuckle filled my ears, turned my words numb on my tongue. My heart gave a sharp pang and fluttered dangerously.

"Are you mine?" He asked.

I'd agree. Just for tonight I'd agree. Indulge myself. And while he slept, I would leave. I formed the plan in my head, feeling my limbs lose all strength.

"Yes," I whispered.

His face lit up, a dangerous glint to his eyes. I could almost see fangs as he grinned viciously at me. He pulled me closer, flushed against his chest, his words a whisper and he brought his mouth to my ear, his eyes glittering like obsidian.

"Good girl..." I shivered, visibly. "Now say it. Say the words. Say 'I am yours.'"

I hesitated.

He tilted his head, dangerously. "Come on," He purred, mouth working into a cruel smile, hunger in his eyes. "Say the words, dove."

"I'm yours." I breathed out, panting slightly. The words felt so good on my tongue, as they formed in my mouth, as I uttered them to him. And I found myself uncaring for my safety.

He grinned, corners of his mouth curling up, eyes lighting up as I spoke. His eyes told me everything, every desire, every action, knowing he could do anything, and I would take what scraps I could.

His hand returned to the nape of my neck, fisting my hair as he shoved me forward, his lips claiming mine. It was not soft, it was not gentle or tender. It was hungry and it was wild and it was exactly what I'd wanted.

"You're mine." He growled against my lips, and there is something dangerous in those words.

I could not speak, could not reply to him, my mind a jumble as he kissed me, harshly.

Whatever calm composure he'd had left shattered completely as he laughed, a cruel sounding laugh, as he pulled back to observe me. I sat, panting in his lap, dazed. His other hand reached up to stroke my cheek, gently. I leaned into the touch.

"You belong to me." He hissed. I did not reply. His gaze softened. "I will treat you well." He promised. At my lack of attention, he brought my gaze to his with his hand on my jaw, tight enough to ground me. "You will not leave."

I nodded, even though I knew that by morning when he woke, I would be gone.

Something flashed in his eyes as he stared at me, nostrils flaring. I knew he didn't believe me as he leaned closer, kneeling on the bed this time, my own figure sliding off his lap, kneeling with him. The hand at my nape withdrew, but the one on my jaw tightened.

I felt like the rabbit again as the fox towered over me.

"Give me your word." He said, lowly. "Give me your word that you will not leave, or you will have to beg me to stop." It felt more of a promise than a threat.

I trembled. From where the two of us knelt on the large bed, my knees gave out and I sat down, Sturmhond looming over me. And he watched it happen, his eyes shining as he cupped my face, bringing his head closer to where I was sat.

"I like it when you tremble for me." His fingers continued to stroke my cheek. I leaned into his touch, eyes fluttering. He laughed at my movement, causing a flush to build on my cheeks. But I craved more, more than just a touch to my face, more than just his words. And he knew it. "You're mine, dove. Doesn't it feel better, to not lie to yourself anymore? To give in."

I found my hands moving by themselves, reaching up to tug at the ties of his sleep shirt. His eyes flickered in slight surprise, before they darkened once more. He let me have that, the first hint of freedom of the night. The smirk on his face told me all; he'd won, he did not care that I could pretend to have control in this moment, because he'd already won.

His shirt loosened and my hands faltered, dropping to my sides as I lost my nerve. His eyes flashed with amusement.

"Go on." He purred. "Do as you will. I am yours as much as you are mine."

With my heart beating, I grabbed the ends of his shirt and lifted it over his head. I'd seriously underestimated him the first time I'd seen him. As he knelt above me, I took in the sight of his bare torso. His arms were veined and sculpted, meeting broad shoulders. His chest was firm as he breathed evenly. I lowered my gaze downwards, trailing over his abs and to the line of his pelvis that disappeared under his pants. If I hadn't been sat down before, I would've slumped to my feet immediately at the sight of him. I found myself filled with want.

I shivered.

He grinned at my subtle movement, cruel and amused. "Just my shirt and I have you drooling," He purred. "But come now, don't be cruel. I do believe it’s your turn, hm?"

My fingers reached for the ties of my corset, pulling and loosening as his eyes watched me, head tilted. Deciding I'd taken too long, he batted my hands aside and almost ripped the corset from me, letting it fall at my waist. He started on my shirt next, unbuttoning each and every delicate clasp. He shoved the shirt off my shoulders and pulled the corset over my head, breathing in the sight of me. I flushed.

He leaned his neck down and captured my lips in his again, overpowering me easily. I breathed in a gasp against his lips, closing my eyes. His hands gripped my waist, thumbs rubbing circles before one of them trailed lower, fingers brushing my hips, knuckles caressing my stomach. It moved lower still, gentle, and delicate.

"It's a beautiful thing, you know?" He mumbled against my lips, his other hand pulling me up to kneel again, palm firm against my back. "To surrender, to belong, to give yourself over to someone who knows what you desire, someone who will keep you safe and happy."

His hand stopped, fingers curling under the waistline of my pants. "Now surrender to me, dove."

I breathed out, leaning into his touch. "More." I asked.

The cruel glint in his eyes was back, the hand at my back curling its fingers in a beckoning motion, chills breaking out along my skin. The hand I needed stayed in place.

"More?" He smirked. "You want more? You'll have to ask nicely, my dear. Tell me what you want, full sentences, say 'I want more.'"

His gaze turned feral.

"Say it."

"I want more." I whispered. "Please."

His grin was triumphant. He watched me as his hand moved, curling beneath my waistband, disappearing beneath the fabric.

"Good girl." He whispered. "So polite."

The hand continued, passed my hip, my lower stomach, beneath the edges of my underwear, his lips pulled into a cruel smirk, a look I didn't recognise flashing in his eyes. The hand moved slowly. Down.

I let out a sharp gasp.

My heartbeat sped up, my breathing hitched as he pulled his hand away, fingers resting on my lower stomach. "You like it, don't you? It feels good, doesn't it?" The hand at my back pulled me closer into him, my head tucked beneath his chin my arms wrapping around his shoulders, nearly holding myself up as my legs shook, slightly. "And yet I can take my hand away and there's nothing you could do about it, dove." To prove a point, his fingers wiggled against my lower stomach, so close to where I needed but still so far away.

I squeezed my eyes shut, mentally begging him to move his hand lower once more, the brief touch not nearly enough. "Please."

His breath was hot as he angled his head down, hitting the sides of my neck. His lips brushed the tip of my ear. "Please." He mocked, knowing no matter how much I'd begged, he still had the final word.

But, he'd been cruel enough, so he dragged his fingers down again, beneath the line of my underwear and cold fingers touched where I'd needed most. My breath caught at the touch, stiffening in his hold before relaxing against his chest, slumping over. I released a breath.

One finger circled the apex of my thighs, cold but nimble. The rest spread me, slightly, letting him move easier. I jolted against him, fists curling, arms tightening around his shoulders.

"Saints." I whimpered.

"Saints?" His voice mocked me. He halted his finger in place, ignoring my slight sound of confusion. "No saint will help you now. I am your saint. I am your everything. There is no escape."

With a sharp thrust, his middle finger entered me. I cried out, startled. My knees trembled where I knelt, my arms around his shoulders and Sturmhond's hand on my back the only things that kept me upright. He thrusted a couple times, dragging out to swipe his finger over my entirety, before he plunged back in. A second finger joined, thumb circling my apex. I breathed faster, choked gasps leaving me as he fingers curled. His hand left my back, cupping my face and bringing my lips to his, my neck bent backwards to reach his height. His kiss took over, my sounds interrupting my attempts at trying to kiss back.

My knees wobbled, my thighs tensed, and I felt the tell-tale sign of my incoming release. I rolled my hips against his palm, breathing through my mouth, as his lips left mine to trail my throat. My stomach fluttered at one particularly angled thrust, and I was pushed over the edge, squeezing around his fingers, arms tight around his neck as my body jumped and trembled. As I came down, Sturmhond aimed a few more cruel, but well aimed, thrusts into me before withdrawing his hand entirely from my pants, resting against my bare stomach. My knees finally gave up as I crashed down onto the bed again, shivering.

The room was silent.

"Good girl," He mumbled into my hair, hand stroking my jaw. I blinked, before I shuffled closer to him, hands fumbling with his belt. He stayed silent as he watched me, his belt loosening before I worked on the drawstrings of his pants. I unlaced them, messily, know that he could stop me at any moment, take control of the situation, leaving me to tremble in want.

"So frantic, dove." Sturmhond belittled. I tugged his pants down before he stopped me, grabbing my hands, smirking. "Must I remind you who's in control here?"

I choked on a gasp as he pressed his lips to mine, hard. I teetered backwards, and found myself laying on my back, at his mercy. He didn't break the kiss, moving to rest above me, hands either side of my head. He withdrew, slightly, smirking.

"Well, my dear." He nipped my bottom lip. "Are you satisfied?"

I tried, one final time to regain some semblance of myself. "You could do better."

His eyes lit up at the challenge. A laugh rumbled in his chest. "Oh, you think so?" One hand moved to grip my hip. "Perhaps another demonstration is in order." In a flash, he'd gripped both my wrists and pinned them, with one hand, above my head.

He leaned down, nose to nose.

"Show me what you want."

"Please." My voice encouraged his grip to tighten around my wrists, the one at my hip squeezing in sync.

"Please? Is that all you have to say for yourself, tonight?" He laughed again. Not kindly. The laugh of someone who knew their power over another. "What did I say? You're all so predictable, you assassins. Now, try again. Full sentences."

I let out a soft moan at his words, clenching my eyes shut, embarrassed.

His eyes gleamed. "Just from my words?" He smirked. "Do you like it when I speak to you like that?"

I lifted my hips, slightly, before I remembered who was above me, lowering them again. I turned my face away from him in a final act of defiance.

"You were so good for me earlier." He shook his head at me, feigning disappointment. Though I knew it was an act, I felt a pang in my chest. "Say it. Say what you want."

"Please, please."

He shook his head again. "Must I do everything? Are you too dumb to speak, dove?" He taunted. His eyes were hungry, his teeth gleaming like fangs. I needed more. I needed him. "What do you want, dove? What do you need?"

"You!" I finally caved.

The sound was sudden in the silence of the room. Sturmhond's eyes widened and glittered as he heard my words. I recognised the look, now. He needed me as much as I needed him.

"Well, my dear." He cooed. "It seems you've given yourself to me, have you not?" His voice was cruel again, but there was an edge to it.

"Yes. Yes, just please-" My eyes burned. His gaze darkened at the break in my voice. He leaned in again, lips a breath away from my own.

"Have me." I begged him. Though, as he heard my words, his hand released my wrists. I panicked as he started to move away from me, leaving a chill so deep, it seemed to seep into my bones. I cried out, softly, as he moved away from me.

He shushed me, hand caressing my cheek, thumb smoothing over my cheekbone. "I'm here, dove."

He began to work on my pants, unbuckling my belt, undoing the tiny buttons that clasped the front of my pants together. He tugged them free from my legs, working on his own, leaving us in just our underwear.

"How desperate are you, dove?" His growled, one hand caressing my hip, the other placed beside my head, propping himself up. "How badly do you want me to 'have you?'"

"Yes, yes, please." My eyes fluttered.

"Do you want to give yourself to me? Is this what you want?" Sturmhond's dark gaze gave way to a softer look, one I did not recognise. "Do you want me, dove? This is the last time I'm going to ask."

"I want you." I confessed.

He nearly shuddered, but he forced his composure to remain steady. "Good girl." I was the one to shudder. "Get on all fours."

I shivered at the command, hesitating. Seeing his expectant gaze, I flipped myself over onto my stomach, hands and knees pushing myself up on the bed. Sturmhond knelt behind me. I tensed as his hands slid under my hips, rubbing small circling, gripping almost bruisingly.

"Beg for me. You owe me that much." He commanded.

"Please. Please, Sturmhond." I begged. I was his puppet, made to dance for his amusement.

I felt him tense behind me. "Good girl." He whispered, stroking my hips as he leaned forward, breath hitting my back. I arched my spine as his lips kissed the small of my back. He watched as I shivered before him. I lifted my hips slightly, wiggling the smallest amount, embarrassed to verbalise what I wanted. What I needed.

I couldn't see his reaction to my movement, but it must have been well received as I heard a low rumble of his chest, his fingers reaching out to finger the waistband of my underwear.

"Do you want more?" His voice was soft, losing the cruel tone he'd had for most of the night.

I nodded, eager. He pressed my hips backwards, resting my ass against his front. I tensed at the hardness I found.

"So eager." He complimented. "So perfect."

I sighed, deeply, unable to find my words. I let him take control, willing to do whatever he asked of me. He rolled his hips, slowly.

"You want me to take you, dove? Do you feel safe enough to let me do that?" Despite his heavy panting, he still hesitated as he held the waistband on my underwear.

"Yes." I whispered.

I heard him take a sharp intake of breath before I felt his body shift. For a moment, I was worried he might pull away, but the squeeze of his large hands at my hips soothed my fluttering heart.

"Then let me take you." He growled, eased my underwear down to my bent knees. He spread me again, with his fingers, massaging the nerves between my thighs. I shuddered, biting back a groan. He withdrew, causing a cry to erupt from my throat. "Want to see you." He told me.

With gentle hands, the gentlest he'd been tonight, he flipped me onto my back, kneeling before me, resting his ass on his heels, underwear still on. His eyelids were heavy, pupils dilated. He studied me, not moving. I whimpered, impatient.

I moved my hand downwards, seeing as he made no move to touch me. I watched as his gaze flickered to my hand, lip curling. He snatched my hand up, face dark. I felt my eyes water in frustration.

"Please, I'll be good, just touch me." I pleaded. He smirked.

"Of course you'll be good." He taunted.

Within seconds, he'd entered me with two fingers, collecting the wetness that had dripped from me. As he coaxed more from me, his other hand pushed his underwear down, his length springing up, flushed. I stared. With his hand covered in my wetness, he slid his length into his grip, groaning as he covered himself. One, two, three pumps and he took his hand away, the left-over wetness cooling against my skin as he gripped my hips in both hands. Lining up with my entrance, he eased in, slowly.

I sucked in a breath, closing my eyes. I faintly heard his groan above me as he rested, still, only the first inch inside. After a moment, he pressed further.

"Fuck!" I cried out, hands gripping the sheets, not knowing where else to go. His grip on my hips turned bruising. His hips met mine in a soft kiss, bone bumping against bone. I panted and whined as he stayed in place, hearing his own heaving breaths.

As he dragged himself out, slowly, I felt myself clench subconsciously. Sturmhond stumbled forward, arm catching himself by my head, holding himself above me. I grabbed him, looped my arms around his neck and brought his lips to mine. He groaned into my lips as he began to set a steady pace, my hips rolling in time with his.

Sharp, angled thrusts replaced the long, slow drags of his hips against mine and I felt my eyes flutter shut in pleasure. The hand not holding himself up explored my body, starting at my neck, down to my chest, circling at my hips before it edged down and pinched my mound of nerves. I threw my head back, breaking his overpowering kiss, echoing a moan throughout the room.

"Saints." Sturmhond spat, feeling me clench around him. In the light from outside, his muddy green eyes seemed to darken to an almost hazel colour, and the broken crooked part of his nose seemed softer. I knew I couldn't trust myself to gaze at him in this state, but his face seemed different somehow.

At a particularly powerful thrust, Sturmhond angled his hips in just the right place, leaving me shouting into the quiet of the room. He repeated his movement, thumb circling in time with his thrusts and I felt as my breathing grew heavier, my heart pounding in my ears, stomach fluttering and tensing.

a bite to the side of my neck had me screeching, hips bucking as pleasure rolled from in between my legs, to below my naval and straight back down again, like a lightning strike. I felt my eyes roll, heaving moans following as I rode the wave of my high. Distantly, Sturmhond continued to thrust, until he too, groaned and leaped over the edge, his hips gradually stilling against mine, rolling softly as the last stars of pleasure left my eyes.

I shuddered as he pulled out, feeling the trickle of fluid slide down to my ass, collecting beneath me on the bed. I rested a hand against my lower stomach, still dazed. I felt the bed dip to my left, Sturmhond crashing down next to me, on his back.

We breathed in silence, in sync, panting as our minds caught up to the present. I felt him move, sliding off the bed with dragging footsteps as he wandered around the room. I heard a door open, realising he'd had an en suite bathroom. Maybe being a privateer did pay well, after all.

The sound of a tap running was all I could hear. Distantly, I felt sorry for the Innkeeper, knowing we'd made a slight mess... perhaps been a bit too loud.

Sturmhond's heavy footsteps trudged back to me before I felt the bed dip at my feet. With warm, large hands, he gripped the backs of my knees and separated my legs. I sucked in a large breath.

"Just cleanin' you up." Sturmhond slurred, sounding almost drunk.

I felt another trickle and heard his breath hitch. A soft touch of a wet towel pressed itself again me. My toes curled and my thighs tensed, but he persisted. Every rough scrape of the towel had me twitching, toes flexing. Fuck, I could barely think straight.

A puff of breath between my thighs had my stomach jumping. I glanced down to see Sturmhond's heavily lidded eyes focused on my swollen flesh.

"You're stunning, dove." He mumbled. The towel was discarded by his side as he crept closer, hands resting on my inner thighs, making sure I couldn't close them as he took in the view.

My head flew back as his tongue struck out, licking from the bottom to the top, circling at my apex.

"You were so good for me." He growled, the sound vibrating against me, travelling up my spine. I arched, sensitive.

"Oh, Saints, please." I didn't know what I was begging for, but the words flew from my lips all the same. Another rumble vibrated against me as he chuckled. "Fuck!"

"Not quite yet, my dear. I need some time to recover." He teased. I opened my mouth to swear at him when he enclosed him lips around my nub and hummed. I spasmed, pushed almost to the edge, losing my words. "What was that, dove?"

My eyes rolled as he released me, words forming, then failing on my tongue.

Sturmhond's own tongue burrowed deep into me, curling inside before withdrawing and flattening against my entirety. I shuddered.

I lost track of time as he flicked and sucked and plunged his tongue into me, my eyes clenching, the space between my thighs doing the same. His name was lost on my lips, pleads half forming before the next stroke scattered my words again.

Two fingers joined at some point, curling upwards in a beckoning motion, his tongue twirling over my nub. Every so often he would clamp his lips shut, suck and then hum, causing my toes to curl and my legs to shake.

He timed the finale, adding a third finger, thrusting in quickly and curling up, just as his teeth scraped my nub.

I shouted, screamed as my hips lifted off the bed, not knowing if I was chasing his touch or trying to escape it. I felt my legs shake as they held me up, my stomach clenching, fluttering and jumping as pleasure raced down my spine. He continued the assault until I flopped, boneless, onto the bed, struggling to breathe as the pleasure faded and I went numb.

When I came back to myself, I first registered the hands stroking my thighs. Sturmhond sat at my feet, large hands clasping my thighs, thumbs rubbing soothing circles into my skin. He had a strangely fond look on his face as he stared at me, watching as I blinked the leftover tears away from my eyes.

I yelped as the towel pressed itself to me again.

"It's okay." He shushed me. "I'm only cleaning you up, nothing else this time."

He cleaned me up, quickly, my thighs now dry, though my skin still flaming and sensitive. He returned the damp towel to the bathroom and scooped me up, resting my head against the pillows, as I'd previously been laying with my head at the foot of the bed. He placed a fresh towel over the mess we'd made and slid in behind me into the bed, pulling the covers over us.

"Couldn't resist." He mumbled into my hair; arm slung around my waist. "Tasted so good. Sounded so pretty."

I was too exhausted to even flush at his remarks.

"Did so good for me." His hand rubbed soothing circles into my stomach. "Took it so well."

And I couldn't speak. The dynamic we'd built had broken, leaving something softer. No more tension between us, something raw left in its wake.

It kept me awake until the morning, when the sun shone through the window, illuminating his face.

The face that didn't belong to Sturmhond.

I'd stayed away for two months.

Away from the man I'd been hired to kill, away from the man that had left me dazed on the bed of an Inn. Away from the man who wasn't what he'd seemed.

I'd found myself in West Ravka. I'd searched for his ship, The Volkvolny, for the last month, finally tracing it to Os Kervo. I'd stayed in the shadows, not knowing whether to approach or not.

He was dressed in his usual teal coat, haggling with some stall owner. His hair was its usual shade of off-red, cheeks flushed in the sunlight. It seemed he was succeeding in his haggling, the stall owner waving a hand in defeat, nodding at the privateer. He handed them a few folded notes, picking up whatever he'd bought from them and sliding it into his pocket. He turned to observe another stall when his murky green eyes met mine. His face lit up; eyes gleaming as I froze from my spot in the nearest alleyway.

Dodging the heaving crowd, Sturmhond made his way over to where I stood, my heart pounding. I wanted to run, but he'd made my decision for me, entering the alleyway with a grin.

"Hello, dove." He greeted, leaning against the brick wall.

I lost the words I'd been practicing for a week.

"It's so good to finally see you, my dear." His eyes flashed with something cold, yet he seemed to reign in it. "Tell me, did you enjoy your time away from me?"

I swallowed, thickly.

"You can't have enjoyed it that much if you're here, before me, now." His eyes glowed. "To come back so soon after you promised you wouldn't leave. Was it guilt that brought you back? Or just greed."

He took a step closer towards me, my own feet stepping back. His controlled demeanour changed, nostrils flaring.

"Tell me, dove."

"I don't know." I told him, unable to confess the true reason.

He tilted his head. "You don't know?" His voice was steady, but there was a hint of rage threatening to rear its head from his clutches. "Are you sure you're telling the truth, my dear. Or do you just want me, greedy little thing."

"I've had you already." I hissed, venomously. "I'm just deciding if it was good enough."

A lie. Sturmhond had done things to me those two months ago that my hands couldn't even begin to replicate, no matter how I'd tried. What had really shaken me, though, was the emptiness I felt at night.

He blinked before smirking at me, taunting in the way I was familiar with. Good, let him hate me, the rawness of his voice as he held me that night had been too much to handle.

"You know good and well that it was more than good enough." He growled. "I distinctly remember your legs shaking so hard, I thought you'd foam at the mouth."

I snarled at leapt at him, pressing him against the wall of the alleyway and holding my dagger to his throat. Just like the two previous times. Always the same thing, never able to make the kill.

I saw the flash of hurt in his eyes. Only lasting a second, but it shook me all the same. He grinned at me, an unbothered façade on his face.

"And here we are again." He baited. "You can try and kill me, dove, but we both know you'll never be strong enough."

My heart clenched.

He leaned in, voice dark and cruel and thick with an emotion I refused to recognise. "You're so weak for someone so determined. I almost feel pity for you." His teeth shone like fangs. "So why can't you finish this? Third time's the charm, dove. Do it, kill me."

"I have tried!" I snapped. My dagger felt weak in my hand. "Three times I have tried to kill you and I cannot do it. I know you don't truly care for me but, Saints, I can't help the way my heart beats for you."

It was silent. Sturmhond's hand reached up and clasped my hand, uncurling my grasp from my dagger. I heard the clang as it hit the ground.

"Oh, dove." He whispered. I turned my face away, but he brought it back with his fingers on my jaw. I leaned into the touch. "And who told you I do not care for you?" His voice was soft, gentle, my heart fluttering at his words.

"Because you cannot." I told him. I dug into my pocket and shoved a crumpled letter into his chest. "Your nature is to lie. And I refuse to be used by you for your benefit, just to be left alone. I will not be broken by you."

"What are you talking about?" Sturmhond took the letter from me. "I would never do that to you. I would never pretend to love you, just to leave you later."

I turned away from him, leaning against the alleyway wall opposite him, sliding down it until I rested against the ground. I buried my head in my knees.

He refused to even glance at the letter, kneeling down before me, reaching an arm out, touching my arm, gently.

"Please, dove. Believe me on this." He leaned in closer, his hand wrapping around my own. "Please, please, my dear."

I felt my eyes tear up, betraying the stern look I'd tried to keep on my face.

His hands cupped my face, forcing me to face him. I stared into the false-green. "I would never-" His voice was desperate.

"I don't know what to do." I confessed. "I can't kill you; I can't lose you and yet, I cannot allow myself to be hurt by you."

"I wouldn't..." Sturmhond furrowed his brows before he remembered the letter by his side. "I wouldn't hurt you. My heart yearns for you."

A wave of emotions rushed through me. He sounded so honest, yet I feared for my heart.

"Don't lie to me." I whispered.

He looked at me, startled. "I'm not. Dove, what makes you think-"

"Because you are lying to me right now, Nikolai!" I snapped. His eyes widened at my words, frozen on the spot. I growled and stood up. "The men that hired me to kill you. They wrote to me, a week after I'd left you, upping the bounty. You're Prince Nikolai, aren't you. Sturmhond is just your persona."

The alleyway was silent.

"You're angry at me for not telling you who I really was." Sturm- Nikolai growled, standing up, towering over me. "For not telling an assassin my true identity? Like it would have made a difference! You stand there and call me a liar, when you never even told me your name."

I faltered before my nostrils flared. "That is different!" My chest heaved. "I wasn't lying about who I was!"

"And if I had told you? Would it have made a difference to your plans to kill me? Or would it have just motivated you more?" He glowered at me.

"It would if you hadn't fucked me before I found out!" I cried. He snapped his mouth closed. "Do you know how used I felt? Turning over to see the face of someone completely different to the man who'd made me feel so special the night previous. I felt lied to, used. And no, I wouldn't have killed you if I'd have known you were a prince. I hunt pirates, Nikolai. Not good men."

Nikolai breathed heavily as he listened to my words, eyes unreadable.

"I knew of Prince Nikolai's reputation. I would never have dared to kill him after all he's done for his country." I said, energy leaving me. "I'd planned to kill Sturmhond because he was a threat to my country and the people I protect. And yes, it paid well. But I wasn't going to kill you after that night."

He stared at the dagger on the ground.

"Then what was that about?" He asked me. "Pinning me against the wall, dagger at my throat?"

"That is what happens when a woman is scorned. By a prick of a pirate and a coward of a prince." I seethed.

"Privateer." He corrected, softly.

I scoffed yet found no energy to fight him.

"You expect my love when you've shown me no reason to let you have it." I told him.

"I expect nothing from you, dove." Nikolai whispered. His eyes met mine, the muddy green still covering the colour I now knew they truly were. The ones I'd seen in the lamplight from outside. Hazel. "I'd like nothing more than for you to love me. But I don't expect- won't demand that from you. I only ask you to be honest with me."

"My heart tells me to want you. But my mind tells me to run from you." I confessed. "What do I listen to?"

"I can't answer that for you, dove." Nikolai admitted.

It was silent for a moment. "Y/n." I told him. "That's my name."

Nikolai breathed out, nodding his head. He repeated my name, like he was testing how it felt on his tongue.

"No more secrets." Nikolai promised. He stepped closer to me, hand cupping my cheek. "Just Nikolai and y/n. I yearn for you. And I want to give us a chance, dove."

I leaned into his palm.

"So please, don't leave." He whispered. "I swear to you with everything I have that I will prove myself to be loved by you. I am in love with you."

"No more lies." I whispered as he stepped closer to me.

He shook his head. "I swear to you."

He brought me in closer, lips brushing mine. So tender, so gentle. I thought of how feverishly he'd kissed me on that night two months ago. I sighed into his lips, leaning forward, and pressing my lips harder against his. His fingers brushed my cheek.

The Volkvolny was known by most: pirates, merchants, kings. Its captain was infamous, ruthless. His hair an uncanny shade of red, eyes a murky green, nose crooked, like it had been broken too many times and set wrong.

His quartermaster was as equally infamous. She killed for him, hunted for him. They were matched in combat, but she usually did the dirty work. Sturmhond was happy to indulge his Zeeduif.

Behind closed doors, a man with golden hair stood over his lover, hazel eyes filled with adoration, nose only slightly crooked. She met his gaze, equally as fierce, thankful for their soundproof walls.

The prince of Ravka would eventually return to The Grand Palace to visit his parents, and brother, where he would introduce his wife; the, now, princess y/n of Ravka.

As she lay in his arms at night, she would think back on their first meeting. Then flush as their second meeting sprang to her mind. And though there were things she wished she could change about their third meeting, being there in Nikolai's arms was reward enough.

Oh, and she absolutely wouldn't let him take control all of the time.

#nikolai lantsov x reader #nikolai lantsov #nikolai lanstov x y/n #nikolai lantsov smut #shadow and bone #grishaverse #this entire thing deleted itself for me #no I do not know how to use tumblr #send help

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euphoniumpets · 1 year ago

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Storming weather | Tolya Yul Baatar x reader | SMUT

Summary: You and Tolya despised each other, but when your brother decided to have you and tolya partened with each other on a mission that went terrible wrong, you and Tolya was annoyed with each other and had to go in a motel during the storming weather. However, there was only one bed and ever since you were a child, you had disliked the thunder. Waking up in the middle of the night, Tolya suggest that he could take your mind off in another way.

Requested? Yes by @smokeprincess24: you could do a one shot smut for Tolya yul bataar x Fem!reader? where she is a grisha that in the last months she joined the crew, she quickly fell in love with tolya but she keeps it to herself, she and tolya were sent on a mission but they get trapped in the middle of a storm in a cave,😏

A/N: can you tell that I adore writing a tolya x lantsov reader fanfic together?? and the enemies to lovers thropee??? I changed it slightly that the reader and tolya wasn't in a cave but only in one room and there's only one bed lol. I really hope that I write Tolya good enough or that he might be ooc in my fics.

Warnings: smut obv, p in v, no condoms in this one baby, fingering, eating out, female and male oral recieving.

''Can you stop pacing? You're disturbing me and I can't read my book in silence,'' Tolya spoke with an annoying sigh before turning to look at you in the room who wer epacing back and fourth. Your heartbeat was increasing by the minute and he found it hard to concentrate on the words in front of him.

You huffed. ''Well, my apologies that I cannot help but be worried for my idiotic brother while you are sitting here like an annoying goose,'' You commented as Tolya looked at you with amusement.

''Goose?'' He questioned and raised an eyebrow. ''Yes, goose,'' You replied. ''He'll be fine, he's with Tamar,'' Tolya replied plainly and went back to his book.

You had protested this whole idea from the beginning but your brother was stubborn like you and you had no choice to agree. Your brother wanted to go Ravka to expand his communication, for what - you didn't know since he was the older brother and took care of the buisness on the ship.

However, as you sulked around, you got seperated and got to be stuck with your ''enemy'' Tolya and he made you want to wring his neck every time he would speak. You and Tolya had a interesting relationship, you didn't even know where your banter even started between you.

You disliked him because you found him annoying about his poetry and his presence and you knew that he felt the same. So, when the two of you decided to go on a innkeeper for the night because of the stormy weather outside, your worst nightmare had begun when there was only one bed.

You couldn't think that you had to share on the same bed with the heartrender. ''Fucking scoundrel,'' You swore as your Ravkan accent could be heard by Tolya by the window. ''You know, I wouldn't believe that you are a princess because you doesn't behave like one,'' Tolya remarked.

''Well, be prepared to be disappointed, I didn't take the leassons that my mother ordered me to do so,'' You grumbled.

You couldn't sleep for the rest of the night. Your eyes were open as Tolya slept soundly next to you. You couldn't stop thinking and worrying about your brother because when you were younger, you wouldn't let go of him.

You and Nikolai were inseperable and this was one of the most painfully days you've ever been to be seperated from him. You could hear the rain from the window and you really wondered how Tolya could sleep soundlessly.

You jumped abruptly when suddenly you heard thunder booming through. ''Y/n?'' You heard Tolya's concerned voice in the darkness. You looked at him with a surprised expression since you didn't knew that he was awake. ''I thought you were asleep,'' You muttered.

''I couldn't sleep because I kept hearing your heart loudly,'' Tolya replied. You heard the thunder again and you jumped toward the sound. ''You're afraid of the thunder, aren't you?''

''Go ahead and mock me all you want,'' You remarked. ''I'm not gonna,'' Tolya replied, making you look at him. Even in the darkness, you could still see his concerning gaze.

''Nikolai, he would always comfort me, telling stories to distract me, but now when he isn't here...'' You trailed off and jumped again at the sound. ''I can't go back to sleep because i'm terrified,'' You admitted.

''Perhaps I have an idea to distract you from the thunder,'' You heard him say. It was then now you realized that he was so close to your face when you felt his hot breath.

''Tolya,'' You whispered. He was so close to your lips and before you knew it, he placed his lips against yours. Suddenly, you didn't hear the thunder anymore and you felt him tugging you closer to his body.

His hand around your waist on the bed before trailing down to your neck and then he flipped you over on the bed. ''Not so bad was it?'' Tolya teased.

''Shut up your twat and kiss me,'' You replied as Tolya chuckled before leaning down again. You grabbed his shirt and tried to take it off before tossing it to the ground. You grabbed your nightgown and tried to take it off while Tolya helped you and tossed it away before he was kissing you again.

Tolya laced his fingers against yours and kept trailing his kisses down on your chest and lower down on your stomach. You could feel the heat growing as he kept go down. Tolya spread your legs apart and trailed small kisses on your inner thighs, making you whimper and moan slightly.

You gasped when you felt his tongue playing with your folds and gripped his hair tighter in pleasure. You arched your back as you tugged his hair closer.

You could feel the familiar knot in your stomach growing tighter. ''Fuck, I'm gonna cum,'' You moaned before you felt him eat you out roughly. You gasped in pleasure when you felt the knot release.

You breathed heavily when you felt him kiss on your stomach again and gasped at the sudden feeling on his bulge rubbing against your wet cunt.

You felt him lean against your face and rub his nose against yours. ''Are you sure?'' You heard him ask. ''Yes,'' You whispered before you felt the tip os his cock through your folds. You took a deep breath in before he slowly started entering inside of you.

The two of you groaned in pleasure and began to thrust in and out inside of you. You gripped him tighter by the shoulders and wrapped your legs around him. He noticed that you began to moan louder and began to thrust roughly and faster this time without a warning.

You gasped in surprise when you felt the familiar knot building inside of you. ''Oh, I'm so close,'' You gasped as you tried to hold him for your dear life when he kept going roughly. ''Me too,'' Tolya grunted into your ear.

The pleasure was too much and you could feel yourself release. You and Tolya moaned in unison when you felt the hot liquid coming inside of you. Neither of you spoke for several minutes and just kept being in each other's presence before he moved away.

You hissed at the sensetivity before he helped you clean up and put back on your clothes again. ''It wasn't so bad was it?'' You heard his teasing voice say as he placed an arm around you in bed, tugging you closer.

''Shut up your twat,'' You remarked as Tolya chuckled, the two of you were slowly drifting to sleep whle you had to come up with an explanation about you and Tolya to your brother later.

#shadow and bone #shadow and bone x reader #tolya yul bataar x reader #tolya yul bataar #tolya yul baatar smut #tolya yul bataar fanfiction #tolya yul baatar x you #tolya yul baatar x lantsov! reader

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raparopa · 2 years ago

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could you do Tolya Yul-Bataar x Grisha!fem!reader

you walk around the ballroom, you simply trip that someone was holding your waist it was Tolya, you apologize, you seem so nervous to see him but he very kind to you, so you two talk and lots of chemistry together *fluffiness*

(hope you will write it, thanks and have a lovely day)

a/n: I continue the marathon

warnings: alcohol

pairing: Tolya Yul-Bataar x reader

lady tidemaker

I really love the balls that the Lantsov family has always arranged. It was one of the great advantages of friendship with Nikolai, when you can freely have fun and have a good time during noisy holidays; walk the golden halls and dance with the lords or other Grisha.

And tonight was great. Nikolai returned, he was no longer called Sturmhond, he brought with him the Sun Summoner and now we could not sit out in observatory, hiding from Vasily's tyranny.

I grabbed a glass of champagne from one table, looking at my reflection in the cloche, admiring how beautiful my blue and blue caftan looks in this gold madness. The drink was sweet in taste, with small bubbles and a fruity aroma. I greeted and nodded to the Grisha, chatted with Nadia, even got to know Alina better, who turned out to be a very nice girl; I even managed to exchange a few words with Nikolai and scold him for disappearing somewhere for so long and not even sending a message.

I was glad, calm and a little drunk on good champagne. But who cares, right?

I walked around the hall until some lady blocked my way with her huge, pink dress, the train of which trailed behind her like a peacock's tail. I tried to make a clever maneuver so as not to run into this (wonderful) woman, but my legs had already decided everything for me: the heel treacherously slid on the pink fabric of the hem, and I barely had time to squeak something and mentally prepare for the fall as ...

Nothing happened? The only thing I heard was a splash: the champagne from my glass was on the floor.

I could hardly exhale: someone held me by the arms so easily, as if I were a feather. When I opened my eyes, I saw no one in front of me, but the voice of my savior came from behind.

-Is everything all right, tidemaker? - they asked me with a sneer, returning to a vertical position. I awkwardly turned to look at my savior and realized that I was feeling bad and good at the same time.

Tolya Yul-Bataar.

Oh no. Oh no. OH NO NO NO. My heart skipped a beat and then pounded like a drum.

Of course I knew who it was. I saw him and his sister next to Nikolai when they arrived. But close he was... Saints...

-Yes, thank you,- I said, not knowing where to put my hands and an empty glass. He silently looked at me for a moment, and then his smile turned a little sad.

-You got scared? Your heart ... - he put his hand to his chest, on the side of his heart. I blinked incomprehensibly. - Beats harder, faster than before. Are you sure you're alright, torrential? -he said, looking at me worriedly. I wanted to answer him, but his words made me think for a moment, and then my lips stretched into a sly smile.

-Sounds like you've been following my heart all evening,- I teased. Tolya's face fell for a moment, and then he laughed, awkwardly rubbing his neck.

-Y/N. - I said, holding out my free hand to him.

-Tolya,- he answered, shaking my hand. He had strong, but surprisingly soft and light hands. -Very glad to meet you, Y/N.

- Mutually. - I smiled. Why are my cheeks and ears burning so insanely?! - How do you like the evening?

Tolya shrugged.

-Now she has become much more charming Y/N. Even the appetizers are not so terrible. And the champagne is quite good.

I giggled at his words.

- Champagne is excellent. - I answered, twirling an empty glass in my hand. - It's a pity that now the floor will enjoy it, and not me. Thanks to that beautiful lady in the wonderful pink dress. I nodded my head at the culprit of our acquaintance, who now flickered at the other end of the hall.

Tolya laughed heartily.

Saints, are all heartrenders so adorable?

-I think the champagne problem is easy to fix. Unless, of course, the lady will allow me? - He bowed theatrically to me, winking playfully.

-ABOUT! Please! - I waved away embarrassedly. - I'm not a lady at all. Not at all. I doubt that Grisha can even be called a lady. - I justified myself, which undoubtedly amused Tolya again.

-Still, will you allow me to supply you with champagne again?

- How much help in one evening, Tolya.

-I like to help people. Especially so charming. Lady tidemaker.

#shadow and bone x reader #shadow and bone imagine #shadow and bone season two #shadow and bone #tolya yul bataar #tolya yul bataar x reader

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writing-havoc · 2 years ago

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could you do Tolya Yul-Bataar x fem!reader

you were going to gala, you felt bit nervous as you walks around and you bump to someone and it was Tolya, he hold your waist to be careful, you apologize, you two look each other, he asked to take you for walk, you two talk about his homeland, you really like to know him more *fluffiness*

(hope you will write it, thanks and have a good day)

The Gala

♡ Summary: Tolya catches you before you fall at a gala, and offers to take you on a walk to calm your nerves. You find he's a rather interesting man.

♡ Pairing: Tolya Yul-Bataar x Fem!Reader (ambiguous, please read indented)

♡ Fandom: King of Scars, Grishaverse

♡ Warning(s): None

♡ WC: 2.1k

Hello!! Thank you for your request!

I wrote this one ambiguous on purpose. It could either be taken romantically or platonically. I personally think Tolya is aromantic due to a line he says in the KoS series, but I know other people don't take it that way. So feel free to take this however you wish <3

Hope you enjoy it and that you have a good day as well!!

Please excuse any grammar and spelling mistakes

∘₊✧──────────────────✧₊∘

To make a long story short, you feel incredibly grateful and attractive. Which is perfect to mask the sheer anxiety you feel.

King Nikolai was in attendance at this gala. And while you had no intention of meeting him, fate could have other plans for you.

It could send you tripping over your own silk gown and into him, his guards mistaking you for an assailant and killing you on the spot. You could make someone else bump into him, throwing the imported wine all over his first army garb. Hell, he could even choose to make conversation with you, to which you'd embarrass yourself by rambling about the intricacies of jewelry making and metalsmithing.

Saints, you need to calm down.

If you're not mistaken, there's a table around here with finger foods and drinks that could help.

The crowd, however, is incredibly unforgiving. People remain where they stand, almost as if they're completely unaware you're trying to make it last them. You put hands on shoulders and backs, apologize when you have to tilt your body to squeeze between groups of people, and all you get are glares and judgemental up-and-down looks.

People really need to be kinder, more considerate. They're not the only people that exist in this room. How are the servers supposed to go around and serve the alcohol? What if there was an emergency? Is it really that hard to consider moving one step to the left?

Your annoyance makes you distracted. You step on someone's shoe, throwing you completely off balance and sending you falling to the floor.

The only thing that could make this more humiliating is falling into someone. Which you do.

You feel yourself flush, embarrassment rushing through your brain as you try and correct yourself.

"Oh saints, please forgive me!" It takes a moment to realize just how big the man who caught you was. His arms are rather large, but he's also just plain tall. He easily stands a good couple centimeters above every person in this room. "I really have to be more careful."

You realize now he's one of the Kings guards, but its more or less irrelevant seeing as he's so far away from said King. The stoic look on his face cracks a little, a small smile forming on his angled face.

"It's alright, It's only right I apologize as well. Forgive me for bumping into you." He slips his arm away from your waist once you get yourself balanced within your heels. "You aren't hurt, are you?"

You fix the gloves around your wrists. "Oh, no. Not at all. For as big as you are you're incredibly gentle."

"That's good to hear."

It takes you a moment to realize the words that slipped past your tongue. Mortification pummels through your system.

"I didnt mean- im so sorry once again. That wasnt the best choice of words."

This is just so wrong. This isn't how anything was supposed to go. And now you feel so hot, face even prickling at the increase in your internal temperature. The man eyes you, squinting when you begin to fan yourself.

"Truly, I dont take offense. Would you like to go on a walk? Its much cooler outside."

It's definitely not a smart to follow a man you just met to a secondary location. But with the way he's dressed, and the way he carries himself, he isn't all that threatening. The Soldat Sol tattoo on his arms also does well to quell any lasting fears.

"That would be lovely, thank you."

He walks through the crowd with you trailing very close behind. People part to make room for him, and make a look of disdain when they see you trailing behind like a duckling.

But the moment that fresh cool evening air reaches your skin, it feels worth it. Like you can breathe.

You allow yourself to walk to the edge of the wrap around patio that surrounds this whole place. The garden has plants beginning to close, no longer needing to open their petals now that the sun is setting.

The flowers are red, and butterflies are making their last rounds to the buds that are still open.

"There's a flower, in Shu Han, that looks similar to this." He takes a step off the porch and approaches the flower.

He's incredibly gentle, fingertips barely grazing the petals and slotting the stem between his fingers. He encourages it up towards his face as he bends down to smell it, a smile adorning this face.

"What's it called?" You ask, picking up your dress and stepping down to join him.

"The one in Shu Han is called Datura Meloxia. It's incredibly poisonous. This one... I'm not sure."

You hook a finger around one of the stems, bringing it toward you.

It seems tropical, which is strange given that summers aren't all that hot here and Ravka has a winter season. The stigma reaches far out beyond the confines of the petals, and almost seems to have a cloud of surrounding the end.

"Do you know a lot about Shu Han?" You ask.

He let's out a chortle. "I should hope so. It's where I grew up."

"Listen, people are everywhere these days. I didn't want to assume you knew everything about there just because you look like you're from there."

"Thats very open minded of you."

You shrug. "Doesnt do us any good to be close minded, does it?"

He let's go of the flower, putting his hands back behind his back. "No. It doesn't."

The air feels a bit tense, weighing on your shoulders. The way he keeps his eyes trained on the flowers makes you feel as if you may have made him uncomfortable.

"Do you know anything about Shu Han you specifically enjoy?"

If there's anything you know about people, is that broad questions are usually the way to go. From there they can get as specific as they want or stay broad.

"Poetry." He says, going specific. "Epic Poetry, specifically. There's quite a few poems from both Ravka and Shu that are quite interesting."

That, ironically, piques your interest. "Like what?"

And it's like you opened up a dam, water spilling out in the form of languages you don't understand but find incredibly alluring. He's like an encyclopedia, citing poems that date back hundreds of years and reciting the lines as of he has the material right in front of him.

In a way you think he does. His eyes will get glossy and it's almost like he's turning the page when he talks with his hands, staring far into the distance at something you can only hope to see.

He does his best to translate the text, but you can tell it pains him that there isn't a direct translation that will allow you to appreciate the beauty of the poem.

But he does his best all the same, and you give as much encouragement as possible, smiling wide when he says something particularly grand. He even cites romance every once in a while, and you feel yourself cataloging the lines to digest later.

Because it really was interesting. You've thought about poetry maybe three, four times in your entire life when your mom brought home a book filled with them for her entertainment. But never did you think it could be this interesting.

Or maybe it's just because he makes it interesting, adding bits of history from both Ravka and Shu Han when he can.

It's also nice to see his face light up just a smidgen when you express your own knowledge, telling him you do actually know about that piece of history and jump into your own session of info dumping.

But as all good things do, they come to an end.

He's in the middle of explaining a poem from liturgical Ravkan (who /knows/ that?) when he becomes distracted.

"Everything alright?" You ask, raising on your toes but staying off the side as you try and capture his attention again.

"I'm fine, yes. However, it's time for us to part ways."

When he looks at you, you swear you see his lips turn down just a bit.

"Ah." You don't bother to hide your sadness. "That's alright. Would you like to pick this up a different day?"

He hums. "Only if you live near the Palace."

"Actually, I do." That gets his attention again. "I work at this little shop in the city just outside the gates in Os Alta in the market area. Its-"

"The bookbinding shop." He interrupts. "I remember now. I see you almost everytime I walk by there with the King."

You smile, wide and feeling better than before. "Yeah. We make journals and restore books."

He's silent for a moment, eyes flickering back and forth between you and whatever has his attention.

When his eyes settle on you, he's kind. Which isn't saying a lot since during this entire interaction he has been nothing but, but still. He's kind. "When I have a moment to spare, I will visit you again."

You clap your hands together, then hold your hand out for him to take. "Ill see you then."

His rough and warm hand shakes your own. And with a nod, he's gone.

You watch him leave, walking briskly past hoards of people who part for him like he's dangerous or purposefully bump into him.

Once he's out of eyesight, you allow yourself to calm your heart.

It's mostly leftover anxiety from before he caught you. When you look at the shadows on the ground you realize you and him hadn't actually talked for that long. You just don't want to make a lasting horrible impression on anyone, and you hope you didn't make him feel awkward talking with you.

But, you think he enjoyed it. He relaxed a little while talking to you, yet still kept to his duty as the Kings guard and never looked away from the mansion.

You feel satisfied.

"Hello there."

A woman's voice gets your attention. She looks similar to Tolya, and you remember she's also a part of the Kings personal guard. Perhaps they're taking turns? That would make sense.

"Hello. How are you?" You ask.

"Splendid. My names Tamar." She wraps an arm around your shoulder, which you immediately grab to steady yourself. "Im Tolya's older sister. I just wanted to take a look at the girl thats got my brother in such a good mood."

You perk up immediately. "Oh, how lovely! Tolya mentioned you a few times while he was talking about poetry."

Immediately she groans, which gets a giggle out of you. "I beg your forgiveness. Once he starts you have to kind of yell at him to get him to stop."

"Oh, don't apologize!" You slip out of her grasp, folding your hands neatly in front of you. "I quite enjoyed our talk. I never knew how much history could be stored in something as simple as a poem."

Her eyebrows nearly shoot into her hair, a look almost like incredulousness passes over her face. She snorts.

"You may just be the only person who can handle that."

That, you have to admit, makes you happy.

"What else are you interested in?"

Tamar was a little harder to talk to for the rest of the night. She's not as straight forward as her brother, but you can find the little similarities that make her feel almost familiar.

Once you have to part ways, the King possibly getting what he came here for, you waved goodbye to Tamar, and began to head to your carriage yourself.

Tonight was remarkably eventful. And as you watch Tolya and Tamar head off into the distance with their King in tow, you hoped that every once in a while they would stop by.

If only to get to know them more.

∘₊✧──────────────────✧₊∘

Tags:

@xx-all-purpose-nerd-xx @kylie18 @morrigan-crowmwell @venomsvl @milkshake0

#ask #tolya yul bataar x reader #tolya yul bataar x y/n #tolya yul bataar x you #grishaverse x you #grishaverse x reader #grishaverse x y/n #shadow and bone x y/n #shadow and bone x you #shadow and bone x reader #grishaverse fanfic #grishaverse imagine #shadow and bone fanfic #shadow and bone imagine #tolya yul bataar fanfic #tolya yul bataar imagine #fanfic #anon

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