#told you ch 12 was steamy

[ms0milk]

𝟏𝟐 | 𝐏𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐥 𝐃𝐢𝐯𝐞𝐫

ー✧ prince!bakugou x royal guard!reader

"You will spend summers in rainstorms and autumns in his orchards because you are Alderan and he will kill Takoban gods to get you there."

cw brief description of drowning and a claustrophobic struggle with the ocean. suggestions of suicidal intention and self harm. reader tries to fight the sea and your prince has horrible misunderstandings about it. bkg 🫱🏽‍🫲🏼 unethical rescue tactics pt 2, borrowed clothes, a fevered fireside confession in the bedroom you’ve been searching for 6.4k

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If Takoba is the edge of the world, Aldera is the center. You so starved for comfort, stand with your feet at the tip of the surf and tie your braids together.

You watch the sea at midnight and the winds coming off the water bite your scars before they chill your bones. Autumn at the edge of the world is miserable. Lakes freeze but the ocean is colder, it's full of tides, which you’ve spent the day reading about. The ocean has a taste, salt and decay. It is unfathomably ancient. You watch its many maws foaming under the moonlight and seashells burn in frigid water when you step onto them.

In the view from Bakugou’s bedroom, you’ve lined your boots up neatly in the sand and stand watch beside them for a moment. You’re dressed to stop a midnight siege, in your white nightgown and padded habergeon, staring so small and far away from the warmth of his fireplace. You in a dark blue world, framed by his open window. Bakugou would have sipped his tea and rolled his eyes at his newly fucked up sleep schedule and how ridiculous you insist on looking in public if his cup wasn’t spilt on the rugs where he dropped it. If he hadn’t already ripped his door off its hinges in his sprint out of the castle.

You couldn’t sleep. You have no appetite and no mobility yet for sparring. Just books. Just Uraraka answering your questions about the sea while watching her men train. The ride with Todoroki yesterday was nice but it left your throat stiff and you are still in your kingdom’s service. Today in Takoba, tomorrow and forever behind your prince. Long before the blue gardens and scars, before the kitchen, before sticky crowds and white horses and cold hallways, something somewhere started to die.

You take another step into the swollen water, it rises with the moon, to confirm your suspicions and grimace when a crab scuttles over your foot. Another step and you’re up to your hem. It would all be easier if your heart was still a forest fire. When did that stop? When did the rain come? Up to your knees now. Seawater climbs your nightgown.

As it stands you’re no longer a dragon, just damp tinder. The black sea sways you side to side at the hips now so gently– keep walking, don’t look back. You will free yourself from doubt and you will fight a god to do it.

“Moon makes tides,” Uraraka yawned and slouched and stretched as you sat on your knees beside her in the pit.

“Can you swim in it?”

“In the ocean?” she squinted, “Yeah of course. But don’t tell me you want to swim in this weather?”

Shinsou could only pretend not to hear for so long from his spot beside you both this afternoon, “The moon makes tides, and tides make storms.”

Good. Up to your ribs now. Wear the rock there like an anchor.

In the cold water your body heat becomes that much more apparent and it’s lovely like home. Genuinely hot for a second. Your nightgown floats up around you and you sink quickly from chest to nose when the sand under your feet drops to freezing nothing. The sudden dip shoots icy pain behind both eyes and the sensation of failing steeles every joint sickly sore. Walking through the ocean is like a fight, like driving a sword through someone solid, like braving a thunderstorm, but sinking into it is easier than sleeping.

You gasp and spit out the aftermath of losing your footing but you also fight too hard in anticipation of sinking and you’re suddenly in the open air up to your waist like a salmon leaping upstream. The weight of the nightgown settles you back down in the water to your shoulders and it’s silent except for the sound of waves kissing the beach and one another. Whistling wind. You bob only some ten meters out from shore, just short of where Todoroki held you back for fear of drowning and something wild like greed blinks open a sleepy dark eye.

You hardly have to move a limb to keep your head above water; the sea is free and gentle. You float easily here, where a lake wants to watch you fight. It’s part of the fun at home and in exchange you are safe in freshwater. Salt stings– saliva pools under your tongue to keep it from getting inside– but it also holds you up in the foam like two hands under the hip.

Is this what you were so afraid of? This is the god you planned on killing tonight?

Every day in this miserable place you have been beaten. You have fallen apart in some way, your hair is too messy, your new clothes don’t fit right. You lose Aldera with every step, heel toe– earrings that are no longer yours, heel toe– a weapon you can't return, heel toe and stand at attention– a brooch you’re too afraid to wear, to lose too, so you keep it under your pillow and wear silver seashells instead. Blue fire took the first victory in the forest and you salvaged your prince with your life thin in your teeth. Takoba took the second victory and strung you out in your nightgown for nobles to pick at like crows. A driftwood table took the third and Bakugou stole the fourth. The only time you have ever won here is when you decided to die. When you churn the water with your arms a pain echoes across your back not quite inside your scars.

Kirishima on the verge of tears, Shinsou above your operating table, Uraraka at your side, Todoroki holding you back from the edge of the world– your prince, wet to his knees– you have never, not once in your life have you ever failed. Their gazes make your throat hurt and you spit again into a tiny rolling wave that lifts itself over your chin and into your ears.

The goddess of the sea does not pity you.

She pulls you into her arms and laughs when you rub your freshwater eyes. She tossels your hair with silent waves you could never have seen coming. She reminds you of her strength. And Todoroki told you that you couldn’t possibly challenge her– eat your words sealace prince. Even just this once, witness me. You are a gem in the crown of Aldera, the left hand of the golden family. Takoba is no setback the sea is not your master, you are a chosen servant, not a mistake. It is so wonderful to be in the presence of a queen again and at night her water is soft and black.

The shore is farther than you remember when you finally glance back at the world. You bob like a peach, a frozen peach, and realize you can’t feel the cold anymore. Time to head back. Today was just a test anyway, to make sure you could put up your fight. Maybe sleep will come now that you’re starting to breathe heavy and now that your muscles ache again after days without real training. Ice creeps up the back of your neck from wet hair.

The goddess of the sea plays with you for a few more seconds and you can’t wait to come back in the warmth of the sun to lay on your back with her to whom you no longer need to prove yourself. The ocean pulls in its depths just as much as it pushes at the shore so you brace your eyes for discomfort and duck under the surface to kick a good length forward. It would have worked in a lake, at the center of the world.

When you resurface you are somehow farther than before and considerably shorter of breath. The cold starts to press on your lungs now that you’re truly using them. It’s okay, one more time. You kick once to let the goddess lift you up with her salt and breathe in the free air before diving under again but all you actually do is stir bubbles around you exactly where you started. If anything even farther. Your boots are too small to see now.

There are no storms, no raging waves, no rain, no thunder, hardly wind, what is putting up the fight? Whatever. You paddle above water, thankful for light clothes, and weary of the growing ache under your jaw– the start of a pulsing headache. More than anything you are finally excited for bed, but no matter how hard you push there seems to be a growing distance between you and safety.

Dread drops in your peachpit stomach and you start to feel long pretty fingers tickle your heels in black water. The ghost of the flame mage happy to drag you with him to the bottom of the sea. Irrational like a fear of the dark, but still there’s no more time for testing pride, you have to get back to shore. The little girl inside of you cowers when you take one more heavy breath and then release it to sink yourself as deep as the salt will let you. You can see the breaking point, all you need is to reach the seafloor and kick yourself to it.

As you drift down into the pitch black something so much better than sand or ghosts meets your feet. You connect with rock as your lungs begin to ache for air and kick with every well trained muscle your legs have, forward towards the shore. Faster than freshwater, you rocket to the surface and gasp excitedly, blink rapidly, and infinitely closer to white sand, and then immediately the goddess pulls you under again.

Sure you found the breaking point, sure your toes tease the start of the shore you want to reach so badly, but that’s what waves do here. Break.

Something so silent couldn’t possibly be this powerful, but your head is forced back under as your hips are pulled back out and you tumble head over knees, mouth filled suddenly with salt and sand in the darkness. Resurfacing is no fun task, choking. You’re thankful it’s easy to float in the ocean but saltwater dries out your mouth as you retch it back out from your throat into the foam and then there’s another break over your head to remind you that humans should stay far away from god.

You’ll die just thirty meters from the shore. Salt blinds you. Water deep in one ear keeps you just dizzy enough to let this sea carry you out once again, and shouting isn’t an option. Shouting or gasping, you have to pick one. Ache has turned to paralysis; muscles so beaten and a heart beating so fast you’re already at the last limit reached by your master, training to failure. Striking and swinging until you can no longer hold your weapon. Hours of training reduced to fifteen minutes at sea.

The bruise of your shoulder protests every paddle you force out of it and goes much stiffer much faster than the rest of you. In a way, the mage is drowning you. In every way the sea is much more claustrophobic than a war room.

The moon watches you heaving for air stuck between beating waves and being swept back out to sea. She doesn’t do anything. You are pulled under again. The rocks beneath you scratch your soft skin this time and your instinct is to flinch which fills your nose with water and drowning is certainly not as peaceful as poetry makes it out to be.

Of course it ends like this. A soggy creature fighting gods alone.

Of course he’s watching you, his captain, being stolen by the sea.

You surface forcefully with a grip on your scruff and while your body remembers how to breathe, magic every furious color of the rainbow arcs above your head. The water recoils for a moment around you in the force of his impact. Bakugou erupts from the sky as he always does into the tragedy of your life in Takoba and you have no control over your searing gaze when it turns to him above you, framed by sparks and stars. Halo from the moon.

You both fall back into the water but not so helplessly as a moment ago. Your prince hooks and arm across your chest, pressing your back to his front and with so much more strength than you could ever muster, rips his way through the water in half of a backstroke. Half of him focused on keeping you afloat and only half of him conquering the sea. His legs create their own current. He holds you and you’re sure you’re breathing loudly enough into his collar to hurt his ears.

You are an excellent swimmer. Weak children, drunk diplomats, tests from your master; you have dragged your fair share of victims out of rivers and as the victim yourself you know better than to struggle or panic in your prince’s grip as he drags you from the goddess, but you can’t help how your fingers scratch at his translucent tunic. Cling to the warmth of his bicep.

In twenty seconds he has reached the break. Strength like a war criminal, like a godslayer. He turns in the water, times it to match the swell of a wave for height, and pulls you chest to chest with a guiding hand on the side of your head to fold you into him. The sea drops you and you know what comes next. Bakugou anticipates your struggle, or a drowned man’s panic, any logical thing and wraps another arm around you tight as he pulls you both under, but you don’t fight a single second and neither do you breathe.

He knows the sea so much better. If you weren’t unraveling like a common soldier you would have realized too, just how much calmer the water is underneath its surface. Even with ears full of sand you can hear the wave crash above you but there is no pull underwater. The roll of the goddess back out to sea twirls through your hair but nothing else. She lets your prince push up to the surface and doesn’t stop you from catching your breath inside the crook of his neck. Eleven seconds to beat the break. What does he even need a captain for?

This time when the tide drops, you don’t quite drop with it. Knees in the sand. Back on solid ground you realize how hard a body can shake and then water is beating you down again from behind, and a warm hand has you by the back of the haubergeon to keep you from slipping out to sea or laying flat down to sleep in the surf.

Both hardly walking, and you more-than-half carried, you and your prince stagger over seashells like glass back to the spot where your boots rest like nothing bad has ever happened at all, chased the whole time by a disappointed tide. You collapse the second he lets you. You, useless with cold and vomiting seafoam.

“Why?!” Your prince chokes, similarly out of breath beside you, hunched over his knees from the effort of winning your war. You can feel the glare. You are warmed by it and then entirely numb again, in a terrible turn of events, to even his attention. The very last ember dies without smoke.

Bakugou, even in a temper tantrum, has never looked quite so disheveled. He’s been wet before, and pushed his hair back with big hands and caught his breath through his teeth just like this, but he’s never looked at you with such confusion. His eyebrows don’t sit right. Without a scowl his whole thing really falls apart, huh?

“Answer me, Eyes!”

You wheeze instead of speaking when you try to use your voice for the first time and spit out the last of the salt that comes up with it. He doesn’t move, catching his breath across the sand at midnight. Your prince really is so pretty and something inside is eating you alive to the beat of the wash of waves. He is a star and you are the bloody little creature beneath him always, not chosen at all.

You sit yourself up. Bakugou is beautiful. Broad chest and shoulders trained for his magic and a wet tunic that clings to every lovely shape, just a few feet too far away to touch. Unmarred face and shaggy hair. His eyes. His jaw slopes sharp, sharper still in the moonlight and dripping with water, up towards his hungry red eyes that eat everything they’ve e–

“Wake up!” He barks.

He’s not eating you. He brings back your focus and when you hold his stare this time it’s so obvious he’s not confused, or angry, not exhausted or embarrassed or exasperated. He’s six and he’s holding your hands in a velvet carriage, terrified.

Oh boy. You guess self-control died with your heart, because your shoulders start to shake in a chuckle.

Bakugou stares. Any fold of his brows melts immediately at the sound of your soft laughter but he hardens again when he speaks. “What about this is funny?!” and pulls himself up to his knees as you lower yourself to clamshells, not-quite-laughing but not fighting the smile either. This is exhausting. “You just tried to kill yourself!”

This makes you snort, which is ugly, and shuts your prince up entirely. One laugh like a lie and then another and you curl in on yourself, shivering arms folded above your head and forehead pressed flat to the sand. Something like an apology. You are redundant, not suicidal.

If it were a real apology you would wait until he spoke again to raise your head like Todoroki in the stables, but that’s not what you’re doing at all. You ache from the inside. Burn in fact. You chuckle again and spit salt one last time when you sit up, then grab for your shoes with muscle memory instead of feeling since the cold has stolen that too. Bakugou is staring again– it is irritating, you should do it less.

The ocean makes a lovely noise when you are not drowning in it. It’s much quieter and sounds a bit like laundry sliding over itself. Or apples tumbling into a basket. You are the first to your feet, clumsily, and you are not so delirious that you forget you need proximity to a fire. Anyone else might not be able to stand through this adrenaline trembling but how many apprentices have come so close to death so many times as you?

“Oi,” Bakugou growls, confused again by the wrong emotion for just long enough to let you escape.

The hill between the castle and the sea is overgrown with dune grasses tall enough to tickle your hips and that is what you decide to climb. Empty stomach, ruined shoulder, shaking legs, deep dead eyes.

Your clothes cling to you. They make you small. He can hardly breathe in the cold as he rushes to catch up, dripping what he's sure are icicles, and you look as if you could hardly stay conscious in it. Does your face feel as red as it looks? Friction or fever? “Captain!” And it’s obvious Bakugou can’t decide on his volume, but bulldozes after you nonetheless husky with exertion, “fuckin wait–”

There are sandy paths beaten into this seaside hill, small like children made them on their happy little way to swim. Bakugou makes quick work of it. You hike. You put all your effort into staying on two feet through a chill you could hardly ever imagine. Heat pounds in your temples, cruelly imitating Alderan fire when really it’s something poisoned like liquor.

“Please don’t follow me sir,” you call over the wind when the prince gets a few steps too close to catching up and he makes a sound almost like words, like words you shot dead in his throat. You know that sound because you have been shot at the same exact angle. Deadly isn’t it? He falls back.

Just for a moment Bakugou stops and watches, filled with something neither of you have the words for yet. Recovering just as quickly as you are succumbing to exhaustion.

Wait, he stares. Just– “Y/n.”

Wrapped in white, you are framed by rolling seagrass in the moonlight. You finally stop climbing and turn. You like a half-drowned painting. In a furred cape you might be a queen. From your spot smiling sadly at the edge of the world, your nose has started to bleed.

“Give me an order.”

Six and shaking in his hands. Eleven soaked in a fruit filled hallway, always working and fond of libraries. Sense of humor that doubles over his queen. Often covered in blood, staring too earnestly right now for him to remember that anger might fix this. Bakugou doesn’t breathe.

You turn back towards the castle alone and for the very last time, your body keeps the tears at bay. On a hill of swaying green grass and bright in the moonlight, your prince, frozen, looks so much like his mother you should kill him for it.

You always thought you were hiding from him on duty, only slightly more stealthy than a dragon. It got better when Jeanist stopped training you in chainmail, but your excitement at every small job bounced off the walls of his castle so obviously. Squirrel duty? You helped a hundred bastards back outside without pause. Sent up to swept bookshelves under the Great Oak and you're the only person he’s ever seen hum to themself so high in the air. Stablehand? Stable master more like. Seven and stacking stools to reach the saddles before Jeanist set you back on the ground by your scruff like his kitten. Bakugou can’t remember what went first, your heartbeat or his hearing.

The very first time you snuck up on him was in August under a plum tree, nine years old. He slept beside his book in the shade on a perfect day, perfectly alone and free of tutoring for the afternoon. Maybe because you were barefoot, but somehow even out of breath, the only thing that gave you away was your voice.

“Careful Highness.” He shot awake with that and figured for a moment that you were a dream while his eyes adjusted to the light through the leaves behind you– panting above him and holding tight to a plum. Like premonition your other hand lurched to catch another as it fell toward him, “they’re ready for harvest.”

Bakugou sat up. Off at an impossible distance for you to have run to catch plums, Jeanist stood beside a hanging line of red uniforms waving a beckoning hand.

“Laundry calls,” you whispered. As the little prince turned stupidly back to you above him, you set both plums on the grass beside his book and bowed.

Wait.

“Maybe a nap in the vineyard? Grapes won't bruise.”

Wait, I know you.

He watched you bow one last time and jog out of the shade back to Jeanist and Alderan laundry, just as he watches you stumble now in the dark, towards the faraway lights of a castle without the fire you need.

Wait!

“Y/n!” Bakugou bursts over the ridge and back onto marble pavement, what the fuck is he gonna do– your name won’t work twice, he’s wasted too much time. “Captain!”

You pay him no mind drifting away with your back still turned and with even less coordination than when you were dragged from the sea. You are deteriorating– fuck, fuck it. Bakugou, brimming with something to the left of anger, charges. If you hear him coming you do nothing to stop him. Not as he closes the distance with eight good strides and slings you over his shoulder.

"I–!" you jerk to strike instinctively, “Put me down!”

Good, you can shout. He still has time, you’re still alive. He’ll apologize for touching you later, for hesitating and staring, he will say everything he set aside in anger when you are not trying to kill yourself.

“Put me down,” you hiss like you know you’re one of three people that can make his skin prickle with threat.

“Not a chance.”

You grip the back of his tunic, clinging so wet to his body that you grab equal parts flesh and he turns away from your path to the glowing front gates all those hundreds of meters away, to kick in a door on an insignificant corner of an insignificant annex in the shadows of the castle that is only unlocked because it’s the same one he flew from, instead of his window, when he was trying not to startle you with his magic and into the sea.

You will spend summers in rainstorms and autumns in his orchards because you are Alderan and he will kill Takoban gods to get you there. Your nails on his back begin to burn with your silence and it’s haunting not only because you weigh less to him than a phantom, but because the smell of the sea follows you inside when there is no one else left to close the door.

Immediately it is warmer without the wind but he will not slow until he finds fire, because you are gripping him instead of screaming again– because you are freezing to death and he will not let you win under new circumstances after he worked so hard to save you from the first.

This part of the castle is his, below the kitchens, the deep white underbelly in the cliff over the sea where no one will find him except cooks and staff who keep his secret and the queen who kindly ordered these quarters be built before she lost her mind. There is no difference of weight or warmth when he sets you down in front of the only red door in the hallway. You aren’t a ghost. Even if you aren’t convincing. He throws the door open.

You would win in a contest but Bakugou too can make a steady fire. It’s still chirping bright in his fireplace when he crowds you inside of his quarters. Wood and furs. The smell of bread, everything so unlike Takoba. Hard surfaces cushioned or covered in anticipation of winter with red and gold and wool, forest tapestries from home– and it is a small victory that you take another step, then another, deeper inside without hint or suggestion.

“where are we?”

“You need to change,” Bakugou dismisses when you’re far enough inside to close the door, and pulls open a cherry chest of drawers at the foot of his bed. It’s draped in pelts and pillows. Faded herbs hang in bundles above you.

“have clothes in my room.”

“Didn’t ask.” When he looks over his shoulder, you are wobbling towards the fire like a starving woman, with two hands reaching subtly from your side. Good, shut up and warm up. Bakugou rifles through his options one more time and grimaces, raising his own black Alderan riding tunic aloft; it’s the only thing that’s going to be long enough to cover all of you.

He’ll sort out this shitshow step by step– dry you off, shout scream scold, get you warm, shout some more– a good Alderan lecture, and then tie you to him if he must since you obviously can’t be trusted alone. Walking into the sea when you thought everyone was sleeping. And for what? He grinds his teeth and grips the sids of his dresser with the realization that he’s probably not going to sleep again tonight. He’d kill you if that wasn’t what you so obviously wanted.

“Alright asshole, get ch–” Bakugou chokes when he turns back to you, sitting politely fireside with a dagger materialized in your good hand, blade pressed flat to your collar. He jumps, black tunic flying and shouts indiscernibly in a lunge for the weapon.

Not fast enough because by the time he makes one step, you’ve driven the blade down your chest and clear through your shirt. It falls open and your bare ribs seize in goosebumps this close to the fire, “told you I’m not trying to kill myself.”

“Drop it!” He wails, as if to a dog.

Oh how you will haunt him until the end of time. Less than a month with you, just some soldier from his castle– a prodigal apprentice in a kingdom of geniuses– an impersonable, silent, invisible guard, who should cause harm only when necessary and appear only in danger– a woman who does this job to a tee, and still somehow steals his attention to any corner of the room she conceals herself in– just a month and you have beguiled him. Reaping grim satisfaction from watching you wreak havoc in this place he loathes.

You sit in front of his fire in his secret room, half bare now that you’ve decided to cut your clothes off of yourself, and entirely bare when you run the lip of the dagger across your shoulder to catch the fabric and then rough straight down the other side. You are pink from heat and staring through him entirely unfocused, all chaotic braids and parted lips. There’s a dry track of blood smeared under your nose and he shudders to think what part of his back it was wiped on while he was carrying you away. The fingertips of your scar peek into free air. Bakugou can’t spin around fast enough, howling in anger.

You sound like you’re smiling again mournfully like last time, “following orders, sir.”

“Don’t call me that!” He roars and shoves the black tunic behind his back towards you. This room is small, maybe five paces wide, and so he sits as far as he can from you on the floor beside his bed, still within arms reach. Back turned.

What the fuck is so funny? This isn’t a headache this is sustained torture. Bakugou’s own wet clothes cling to him in dry patches of salt and stick and grit that he’s desperate to bathe away just as soon as you are tethered to another magician. In another kingdom. You breathe heavily behind him in a mismatch between effort and task and then a sopping thud reminds Bakugou that you are stripping to nothing behind him and piling your rags onto his fine rugs.

“You’re a fucking nightmare.”

“you’ll be free of me in a moment.”

And it dawns on him, seasick irony, that there isn’t a person alive in this kingdom but him who could stop you from doing a single thing.

“If you think I’m letting you out of my sight you’re concussed.”

You pause your fiddling behind him for a second before resuming and you’re close enough that he can still hear your less than methodic pulling and ripping. A huff here and there. In the seconds it takes you to speak again your voice is still laced with the amusement that makes his skin crawl, “third time I’ve told you I’m not trying to kill myself.”

“Just hurry up.”

“was just saying a prayer.”

“Save. It. An excuse that fulla holes wouldn’t even work on Ei the naif.”

“right, because nothing gets past the champion.”

Bakugou erupts, out of unwounded fists to clench, and jerks around with every intention of barking at you. He’s not sure what he pictured before turning and he’s not sure where his voice went, but you are sat beside his fire draped in his black tunic with an expression he can hardly find the words for.

What is it in the way your shoulders hang? Exhaustion? The way your chin tips or your eyes flutter? Hunger? You watch him like you’ll eat him alive, like your life is the least of his concerns. The laces at your collar drape limp over your fingers from where you gave up their tying and so the shirt hangs loose and open, and much much too big. Bakugou has never thought of the shape your sternum makes between your breasts or what color the fine hair on your thighs might be. He knows the answers now because you’ve given up on posture like a selkie out of water and everything so unlike his captain– because something inside of you is slipping.

“don’t bother the champion with this,” your voice is still draconian. Even as your body fails, your eyes are still dark and infinite and possessive beside the glow of his fireplace and under a window that looks out over black water, “or Lady Mina, or your Lords. Don’t worry them with me.”

Bakugou mirrors you unconsciously in the way he sits close enough to touch. Why do you say that? You keep saying it, ‘Lady Mina,’ all month the same thing. Sir Sero, like he’s not a soldier in Jeanist’s rear guard. Like Mina and Denki didn’t grow up in the castle with you all to learn magic fifteen years ago.

“They’re not,” he admits because something about you unraveling by the sea sucks the malice like marrow from his bones. Maybe something inside of him is slipping too.

The pair of you slouch on the soft rugs from home and sticky with foreign salt, looking. Your next smile seems to take every ounce of strength, “what?”

“They’re not lords.”

And in a rush, horror ignites in the eaves of this tiny room like an Alderan dollhouse. It is a grease fire film of oil on water. He is the match. You drop your head to your shoulder and start to laugh like Bakugou isn’t watching the life evaporate from the top of your head and out his window in the heat that pinks your cheeks and blotches your chest. You laugh like you have life to spare, “course they’re not.”

You manage enough coordination to hold the chest of his tunic closed with one hand as you rise, still giggling bitter, nothing like the bells you rang for Todoroki.

“Stop–” Bakugou reaches for you as you walk past him towards the door but stops short of touching even the air.

“dream something sweet Highness, I won’t interrupt again.”

“Oi, wait–” He gathers himself awkwardly barefoot and still dripping seawater, to catch the door before you pull it open. You bow your head and reach for the knob at the same time as he manages to slam his palm and weight against it in case you decide you have enough life left to fight.

“Told you, you’re not leaving my sight.”

Maybe staring isn’t so much a habit as it is a system to keep you from collapsing under the weight of Alderan sun. You who watch the world carefully so that when you attack it is silent and succinct. As long as you’re only looking, just watching carefully, the world will never be in danger of you spilling the secrets obvious only to you, and your kingdom won’t have to acknowledge the war crimes it takes to teach a kid how to kill.

Bakugou looms above you and rests against his door on a forearm. You raise your head like it’s lead to look at him. Your mouth even opens to speak but then something like fire punches to life in the blacks of your eyes.

It’s not a blink this time, it’s a stutter at first– and your face is so flushed that it almost looks like you’re glowing– before something you see feeds the kindling to roaring. For a blessed second you aren’t smiling. You stare so deeply into your prince he can’t look away for long enough to realize that you’re reaching for him.

Why? Why are you leaning closer?

The first heat pools at the hinge of his jaw and then scalding follows. Why are your hands so hot? You pinch his earlobe between thumb and pinky and let your fingers graze over the ridges of ear just so gently that sparks itch where sweat prickles at his neck.

It’s still for a second before chills, agonizing, erupt up his spine, bone by bone as he realizes– as your prince’s face drops and his own hand jumps to reach his ears and what’s no longer there. His right hand grasps at Alderan gold, a tiny sun. His left only cups yours, so much smaller– and the ghost of your earring lost somewhere deep at sea. Six and bleeding in his hands, all grown up and at his mercy.

You smile in anguish, “I hate you.”

You don’t bother pulling your hand from his, only rest your head against the door and let your heavy eyes finally close. Nothing to hold back the freshwater tears now.

Bakugou almost isn’t fast enough in his shock to catch you when you begin to slide down the wall in collapse, “Y– shit– Y/n!” One hand pulls up on your own and the other reaches around your back to try and bring you into him instead of hard against the wooden floor like he’s still a prince and not just a man whose heart won’t stop racing.

“Y/n? Y/n,” he shuffles you in his lap where you landed, and breathes the shapes he hopes make the sound of your name as he searches, distracted. You are limp in his arms and entirely too warm to have been freezing to death a few minutes ago. Lips parted and rolling like you’re trying to speak. Running to safety with you on his shoulder, the seachill must have hidden your fever from him. He cradles your head to check for blood and holds your cheek when his fingers come out dry from your hair.

“majesty..”

Your heartbreaking laughter still bubbles up in quiet sobs and incoherence murmured, murmured, “..m sorry,” when you manage to see through the tears for a moment before falling unconscious again. Every apology laced always with “mitsuki.” You must have been holding it back. You must have been keeping the fever at bay by sheer force of will because now on the floor against him, your body is so hot it’s making his chest clammy. Sweat has soaked into the nooks of your black tunic and pools in salt licks between your breasts. Fuck Alderan fire.

Your prince gathers your shoulders and chest, your waist hips and exhaustion, into a bundle in his arms and pulls himself up with his doorknob because he will not let you drown, he will not let you freeze, and you will not win by setting yourself on fire. As he rises, blood leaks again from your nose. Tears fall aimlessly against his heart split to six like a pomegranate. When Bakugou is king there will be no child soldiers.

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[ngame989]

“Friends” - TGG SVTFOE Fanfic Collection Ch. 12

Writing: @ngame989​​

Art: @toxicpsychox​​

Editing: @ubercelloczar​​, @seddm​​

Alternate fic links - FFnet, AO3

Summary: Ludo needs help making friends and turns to Star and Marco for help, but things quickly spiral out of their control.

Comic Page

Masterpost

It's been an incredibly trying month for me and I'm unsure about a lot of things in my personal life now, but this isn't one of them. I'm so happy to finally be getting back to my feet so I can make more of the Starco content I want the world to see. Hope you enjoy, and thanks for your patience. (Also, fair warning, there’s one ever so slightly steamy Starco scene here)

“Have you ever wondered why heart thingies are hearts?” Marco stopped chewing on a bite of his burrito as he turned his full attention to Star. It wasn’t the most confusing thing she’d ever said, but it was up there. “Like, why does this symbol mean hearts and love and stuff?” she clarified, holding up a piece of heart-shaped candy from the post-Valentine’s Day shopping spree Eclipsa had taken her on weeks ago.

“Dunno,” he responded. “Maybe it’s what people used to think hearts looked like or something.”

“None of the hearts I’ve seen on hunting trips with Dad ever looked like this. Although one was made of chocolate.” She shrugged and popped the treat into her mouth, dumping some more from the bag into her mouth soon after. Her cheeks were puffed out, stretching her heart marks wide and Marco couldn’t help but giggle at the sight. “What?” she mumbled, still chewing. He pantomimed the sight in front of him, pointing to his own puffed-up cheeks. Star quickly grabbed two more candies, licking the backs of them before sticking them to Marco’s face, smiling quite smugly at her handiwork. “Now we’re heart twinsies!” She scooted around the table next to him and leaned in, snapping a selfie. “The kids will love this one.”

He swallowed the last bite of his burrito, thanking the heavens for the new Taco Baco location on campus. The other food options there were… lacking, to say the least.

“The Valentine’s Day Chocopalooza was a smash hit, but I have no clue how to follow it! I can’t have peaked after half a year, Marco!” The memories came flooding back: brownie batter as far as the eye could see, melted chocolate inflicting its goopy wrath on every surface in the kitchen, and so much frosting that he still didn’t want to even look at the stuff.

“I think they just like spending time with you. You’re really good with kids, Star. Besides, the only other holiday coming up is Easter, and you’re terrified of it.”

“It has a giant rabbit that lays eggs, Marco! How do you not see how horrifying that is?”

A loud cough from the bushes behind them might normally have only caught Marco’s attention for a passing moment, but another voice frantically shushed it. “Dennis, quiet! The giant bunny schtick is too good!”

“Ludo?” Star and Marco said in unison.

“Hello, Star and Marco!” Ludo exclaimed with an emphatic wave. “So wonderful to see you again! How’s your kid?”

“She’s not… she’s fine,” Marco relented, estimating that it wouldn’t be worth the hassle. “So… how’s it going?”

“Things are fine, family’s good. Bird and Spider told me to say hello.” He seemed even twitchier than Marco remembered. Dennis prodded his brother with a wing, clearly trying to be surreptitious about it and failing spectacularly. “Ahem, well, there is one teensy tiny issue… I ran into Bearnicorn a few days ago. I totally froze up! Things were pretty awkward last time I saw the whole gang and I think I’m finally ready to try again, but I have no idea how to do that. You might not know this, but I have some issues getting over things,” he stated earnestly. Star and Marco exchanged a bewildered glance - he couldn’t be serious, right? Wait, what were they thinking, Ludo could totally say something like that seriously. Ludo took a deep breath and continued, “But Dennis suggested that I come to you two for help, since I had actually managed to work everything out with you.”

Star munched on another chocolate heart as she mulled over what he was saying. “So you want our help to… make friends?”

The edges of his beak-mouth turned up in an ecstatic smile. “I would like that very much!”

***

“You’re sure about this, Star?”

“He’s not hurting anything, Mom.” Star didn’t glance up from the piles of clothing she was rummaging through at the sound of her mom’s wary question; it wasn’t an unfair one, considering the history involved. Even though he was friendly now, Ludo was too much of a wildcard to completely discount as harmless. Still, though, Star saw no reason to suspect any tricks up his sleeve (though there were probably some bugs there). The nostalgia of reconnecting with Ludo was oddly calming for Star, and considering how quickly Marco agreed to help Ludo with his issues, despite the craziness of midterms approaching, she guessed he felt the same. Drawer after drawer bore no fruit in her quest to find the sweater for Marco’s all-important psychology ensemble - the book and glasses had already been secured.

“Though I didn’t say anything, I admit I was initially hesitant about you two sharing living quarters like this, but I must say Marco’s organizational skills seemed to have rubbed off on you,” Moon said with a snicker. She bent down and checked under the bed, pulling out stray bags of cereal and bottles of soda that Star recognized from her and Marco’s late night movie marathons slash cuddle sessions. “...somewhat.”

Think Star, think! When was the last time you saw that dang sweater? Let’s see… he wore it on our Valentine’s Day date so it can’t be that hidden - it was a bit snug on him which made it extra adorably handsome. He’d said he’d wear it more if I wanted, and I fell over laughing when he wore it just last weekend before we… oh corn. Star now recalled where the sweater would almost certainly be as a wave of horror washed over her. She slammed the dresser drawer and whipped around for a mad dash to the nightstand, where- pegasus feathers. Moon had just found the sweater, which was great, and with it was the exact last box she wanted anyone else (and especially her mom) to find, which was... greeeeeeat. Star generally felt she had a solid, trusting bond with her mother, but she’d never been - and still wasn’t - the first person Star blabbed to about her personal affairs.

“Mom, I can explain-”

“Star, sweetie, I’m not upset. What you do with Marco is none of my business, you’re a grown young woman who is more than capable of making her own decisions. If anything I’m simply relieved that you’re taking such sane precautions. I may be old, but I’m not ready to earn my place in the Grandma Room quite yet.” Despite her embarrassment, Star had to admit she was eased by her mom’s understanding,. “And don’t worry,” Moon said softly, “I’ll handle the subject with your father for you, if you’d like.” And just like that, any comfort was washed away by a tidal wave of beet-red cheeks and incoherent sputtering.

Marco poked his head in, causing Star to yelp and jump off the bed. “Hey, you almost ready?”

“Yep! Totally, totally, totally ready and not discussing anything about our personal lives with mom!”

“Uh-huh…” Marco responded. “Well, I’m ready down there if you are. Oh hey, there’s my sweater. Good, we’ll need it... I, uh think we have our work cut out for us.”

Star was worried, but also kinda happy to have an excuse to leave the current conversation as soon as Mewmanly possible. She handed the sweater from her mom to Marco, who put it on as they walked downstairs to where Ludo was curiously poking around the living room.

“Oh, hello Star! I was just admiring your lovely castle. Bit small for my tastes, but what do I know, haha!”

“Yeeeeeeah…” She then leaned over to whisper to Marco. “So, like, what did he say so far?”

“He said that he tried practicing talking to people with garbage dolls.”

“Weird.”

“I don’t even know where to start, really.”

“Hey Ludo,” Star called out, walking over and sitting on the couch next to him. “So, bud, whatcha need us for here, exactly?”

“Ah, yes, well… I’d like to be able to talk to my old friends again without being their boss. You know, the whole scheming to defeat you… steal the wand… take over Mewni and rule it with an IRON FIST-” He had gotten so worked up that he was on his feet jumping up and down on the couch, but stopped and took a deep breath before chuckling. “Aha, see, there it is again! It’s usually not like this, it’s been months since I’ve even once brought up the wand in a game of cha-rads…”

Yeah, this might be a liiiiiiittle tricky. She tented her fingers as she came up with a plan. Could I… nah. Would it…? Mmm, no go. Wait, Star, duh! “ Alright, Ludo, it’s time for some patented psychomological work from Star Butterfly, H.P.D. We need to see what’s going on in your head.”

“Ooo, sounds fun! So for starters I think there’s some lice-”

“No, no,” she responded calmly, “I mean we need to find what’s making you tick.”

“Yup, I’ve got ticks too!”

Marco put a hand on her shoulder, his worried expression clear even to her peripheral vision. “Are you sure he should be in the same house as Mari-”

“Not now, Marco,” Star hissed, swatting his hand away while keeping her gaze trained on Ludo. “Why are you having trouble talking to your old friends again? What’s the first thing that comes to mind when I say ‘Boo Fly’?”

“Messenger.”

“Buff Frog?”

“Excellent spy.”

“Lobster Claws?”

“Putting his claws on the wand- oh, wait, I see now! This is like cha-rads but with just words! You almost got me!”

“Yeah, yeah, you’re getting it! OK, one more… Toffee.”

“Candy! It’s so delectable with chocolate-”

“You know what, that one’s probably for the best,” Star murmured. “Well, Ludo, it seems to me like your biggest problem is that you aren’t even thinking about your old crew as regular people. Try this. Think of doing something you’d normally do with your brother.”

“Picking the worms out of our feathers to eat-”

“Yeah, no,” Star cut him off. She wanted to help, she really did, but she had a million other things on her mind and now was just not a great time for endless Ludo shenanigans. “I was thinking something less gross…”

“Basketball?” he cheerily offered.

“Sure. Imagine yourself playing basketball with your brother…” She paused a moment as he started miming out dribbling in his seat. “Now imagine doing the same exact thing but with Bearnicorn there instead of your brother.” His arms twitched a bit.

“Keep dribbling, man!” Marco called out encouragingly. Ludo shut his eyes in concentration and after a moment got back into his awkward, gawkish basketball form.

Ludo’s bulbous eyes snapped back open, frantic with glee. “Aha, yes! I think I see it now! Oh, thank you, Star and Marco! I’m off to go find my friends again!” With that, he bolted out the front door and scurried down the road until he was out of sight.

“You think that’ll work?” Star asked hopefully.

Marco sighed and hugged her from behind. “Not a chance.”

***

“Alright, we have a few minutes left in class so if anyone has any questions on the graded midterms I just passed back, let me know. Otherwise you’re free to leave. Have a good weekend!”

Marco hunched over in his chair as he quickly scanned through the multiple choice questions and short answers. A few stupid mistakes here and there, but still an A - he’d even gotten a smiley face next to his essay assessing some example personality type or another. All in all, things felt right. Karate, sword-fighting, and adventuring were important to him but he’d always felt the most fulfilled helping others with their problems - psychology just seemed right.

A high-pitched, squawking voice interrupted him. “Hey, dude, what did you get for number 12?” Marco looked up at another student - Matt, if he was remembering correctly - who was hovering over him at an uncomfortably close distance. Even with how much life had changed in the past few years, his academic reputation stayed the same.

“Uh, C,” Marco responded absentmindedly.

“Oh, that makes sense. And what about 13?”

“B.”

“And… 14 through 35.”

“Just talk to Mrs. B, man,” Marco irritatedly replied, shaking his head. Normally he enjoyed helping classmates if he could, but he had promised Star he’d helm the planning for the daycare’s Easter party on account of her phobia - well, that, and he’d heard Matt bragging about how he’d blown off studying to play the new Super Slash Sisters game all night long. He looked back down to check over one last page and grinned to himself. The final essay prompt hadn’t been for a grade, but instead asked a simpler question: Why are you here? Without context, it might have seemed odd or downright rude, but the teacher had spent the first few months of the semester encouraging all the students to reflect on their goals and what they hoped to gain from the psychology program. The blunt prompt had caught him off guard, but after realizing what it was asking, he’d spent probably about as much time as he had on the rest of the exam combined describing his experiences and motivations on Mewni that drove him to help and support others.

Of course, he couldn’t help but talk about Star at length as part of that. His adorable, brave, compassionate best friend that inspired him to be more. Where would he even be now without her? He could still be at college, he supposed, but that wasn’t saying much. It was humorous to imagine: waking up, being driven to college by his mom, waving hello to Jackie every day (his foolproof plan to woo her had involved eventually moving past nodding, after all), getting straight As, working fruitlessly towards a red belt after classes, then… what? The world had so much more to offer him, and vice versa, and Star was the one who’d helped him realize that. The words had just flowed right out of his pen, paragraphs and paragraphs of glowing praise and affection, enough to leave his chest feeling as warm as it did when she was physically there.

“Hey, Marco, I have a question-”

Stirred from his contemplative state, Marco wheeled on the figure that had just tapped him on the shoulder, ready to tell Matt off for interrup- oh.

“Ludo? What are you doing here?”

“Oh, well, I was in the neighborhood and I thought I’d just drop in! But also, please help me. I did what you said but then I dribbled Boo Fly on the ground and he got really upset and-”

Marco sighed. Hope Star’s fine with me being late.

***

Most days, Star loved everything about her job. It was hard work, but it was so satisfying bringing smiles and warmth to the faces of the kids in her care and seeing them light up with stories to tell their families at the end of each day. Her hours were flexible, she got to spend time with Marco, and Antonio was a wonderful boss.

Today, however, was not most days.

Of freaking course Easter was Antonio’s favorite holiday.

The kids seemed to be enjoying his antics as he pranced around in a bunny costume, but for the life of her she just couldn’t understand why. Is it a normal rabbit or a person-sized one? No one even seems to know what it is! Does it lay bird eggs or rabbit eggs? Both are pretty horrifying if you ask me! If you get chocolate eggs in your Easter basket, does it lay them too? I’m not eating any soft brown rabbit droppings, Marco! They didn’t even get any days off for it, so Star was convinced the best thing to do was ignore its existence as a holiday entirely. Her incredibly valid concerns had largely been met with amusement, even by Marco, but Antonio had at least offered to let her keep her distance and work behind-the-scenes for the party they had planned, which was now going on in the main playroom.

Packing baskets with candy was easy enough. Chocolate, gummies, cookies, donuts. Candy corn for the humans and candied corn for the Mewmans - as much as the humans liked Mewman corn, they hadn’t quite accepted it as a valid dessert yet. There were a few special ones marked down as well. Some marshmallow mice for the Septarians, a ribeye steak for the Johansen - her third cousin or something like that, she wasn’t even sure exactly whose kid he was - and some dried bugs for the kappas… wait, since when were there any kappas at the daycare? She yanked the full list out from underneath the pile of sweets and quickly scanned it. 105? Aren’t there only 104 kids in the program this semester?

She almost missed it at the very top of the list: “Manudo Avarius”. She vaguely remembered hearing about a sibling with that name at some point… maybe they just joined? Something still seemed off to Star but she pushed it aside and finished the last of the baskets just in time for the end of the party. As the kids left, Star cheerfully handed out the baskets to the tune of joyous squeals from the kids and careful warnings from the parents to not eat too much at once. Pffftt, come on, I eat cake for breakfast and I turned out fine!

Curiously, she hadn’t spotted anyone that resembled Ludo yet even as the remaining crowd dwindled to almost nothing. Antonio had already begun to put away decorations when she finally spotted the figure, taking the basket over to them. But when they turned around, showing a braided beard… oh pegasus feathers.

“Star Butterfly! So good to see you again.”

“Hey Ludo,” she said. “Are you picking up Manudo?”

“Why would Menudo be here?”

“Well the paper said Manudo-”

“No, no, that’s not how it’s spelled, but besides, I’m here by myself. A large man with a magnificent beard asked me for my name and told me I was missing a party with lots of sweets! He kept calling me a child and I said I was a man and that my name was Ludo, but who cares when there’s free chips, am I right?” He reached into one of the five chip bags in his arms and stuffed a handful into his beak.

Man-udo. Dangit, Antonio. “So… good to see you, but what brings you here?”

“Well, I talked to Marco just the other day because it still just wasn’t working, but then I tried something else and that still didn’t work, so now I need your help again. It all started on Tuesday-”

Star slumped down into a beanbag chair and reached into the basket, deftly avoiding the bugs as she searched for cookies to nibble on. This is going to be a while.

***

“So what did you say this place was?” Tom asked as he glanced around the restaurant. The vibrant cherry-red booths and soulful singer crooning over the speakers created a very different atmosphere than anything in the Underworld, but he liked it.

Sitting across from him, Marco downed another fry and took a sip of his water before responding. “Diners are the best places to go for comfort food. Burgers, onion rings, waffles, all that kinda stuff. Emilio’s is the best in town.”

Next to Marco, Star was wolfing down onion rings by the handful. “The secret is that he hired a bunch of Eclipsa’s old chefs, so they make great Mewman and monster food too. Don’t tell Mom but their Mewnipendence Day pies are the best I’ve ever had - though they don’t call it that anymore.” She was still chewing when she spoke, but after so many years of knowing Star he had no trouble understanding her garbled words. “It’s really cool that Emilio was able to get back on his feet after the incident.”

“What incident?” Tom asked, eliciting an irritated groan from Marco.

“So basically, a few years ago, Ponyhead and I-”

“Oh boy, a Ponyhead story,” Janna sarcastically said, rolling her eyes, and Tom elbowed her side.

An older man with olive skin approached the table. ““Does everything taste alright? If your dining experience isn’t absolutely perfect, please let me know, I can get you anything. More to drink, dessert, maybe some mushrooms...”

“It’s great, Emilio,” Marco mumbled.

“Good, good…” Emilio was smiling a bit too hard as he backed away, his eyes lingering on Marco’s meal.

Marco caught Tom’s curious gaze and buried his head in his hands. “Look, it’s a long story. There was this pizza, then spiraling alcoholism, then a bit of arson…”

Janna’s hand, resting on Tom’s leg, unconsciously twitched as she perked up. “Woah, OK, now I actually do want to hear this.”

“Too late, no take backs.”

“Aww, you’re no fun.”

“So anyway, we picked the restaurant this time so have you two decided what we’re doing after?” Oh crud, we forgot to plan. Tom’s initial instinct was to claim a beginner’s mistake, since it was only the second of their monthly double dates and their first time planning the after-dinner entertainment… except the actual reason was that he and Janna happened to get into their first major makeout session the night they had set aside for planning, burning thoughts of accomplishing anything else to a crisp in the process. Star and Marco were the last people that would be squicked out by romantic affection- that wasn’t the problem. After years of slacking on responsibilities and having any kind of social life at all in a misguided attempt to chase after Star, he couldn’t help but feel extra guilty over this specific lapse.

Janna leaned in, whispering in his ear. “Can’t we just hit up the Sands of Eternal Torment?”

“For the tenth time, Jan, no,” he hissed through his teeth. “There’s, like, a 25% chance you’d all have your souls violently ripped from your bodies.”

“Only 25? Ew, nevermind, just let them pick.” She leaned in even closer, her breath hot in his ear. “If it’s somewhere boring, we could always just sneak away and-”

“Good evening!” Tom squeaked and quickly turned his head at the sudden boisterous call from his other side, almost smacking Janna in the temple with his horn in the process. It was an incredibly short bird creature with a thick grey beard - a kappa, if Tom was remembering correctly. It wasn’t their same waiter from before, but hey, what did he know about how Earth restaurants worked?

Tom held out his glass, but the supposed waiter ignored it. “Yeah, can I have a refill on the demonade, please?” Star and Marco glanced over at the waiter, their eyes opening wide before they both groaned and smacked their faces on the table in unison. Alright, maybe he’s not a waiter then.

***

“Star...” Marco uttered. Star removed her wandering lips from his neck and propped herself up to look lovingly at him, shivering slightly as she abandoned the warmth of his bare skin. It had been probably over a year now since they’d first become more intimate like this, but the fire still burned just as hot. Heck, it was better now than those first forays, Star reckoned; with time came confidence and experience that let them enjoy themselves and each other to the absolute fullest. They’d both had busy lives the last few months or so, and with the end of the semester fast approaching Star knew they would be even busier soon, but none of that seemed to matter in this time they’d taken for themselves. Even after a break for a shower and snacks, their present cozy state under the blanket with nothing between them still felt as radiant as any proper afterglow could.

“Mhmm?” A devious thought crossed her mind, but she tried her best to feign innocence as she slowly slithered down his body, leaving fiery trails of kisses down his chest and sweet, sweet abs.

“Not that I don’t like, you know, doing this but I don’t, uh, know if I have it in me for another rouuuuuuuu-” His voice shot up an octave and his whole body jolted as she blew raspberries on his belly button and snuck her arms up to tickle around his armpits. “Star, please- I can’t- I’m- can’t breathe-” he sputtered out between hysterical bouts of laughter.

She was laughing too by the time his flailing pushed her off of him. Before he’d even collected himself, he lunged forward, trying to catch her with a determined-but-still-goofy grin on his face. Star dodged and backed away from the bed entirely as Marco grasped at her limbs. He finally gave up, lying on his stomach while resting his head on his chin and staring up at her. Even though his tush was right there for the ogling, Star was instead captivated by his enamored gaze and dopey smile.

“Dangit, Marco, you know I can’t resist that look,” she huffed, allowing him to take her hands and pull her next to him on the bed.

“I know,” he said smugly. “You’re not the only one who can weaponize being all lovey dovey.”

“The student has become the master,” she quipped, their hands still joined between them as they lay on their sides.

“But I do mean it, Star. I love every single part of you, and that’s not gonna change. Things have been hectic lately for both of us, but stuff with the daycare, what you want to do for a living, Ludo… we can figure that all out. Just reach into your pocket if you need me.”

She gently patted his head, running her fingers through his freshly shampooed hair. It was alluring to smell, to hold, to feel brushing up against her. Though the problems they faced now were of a different kind than the forces of evil that they’d spent their earlier years tackling, his presence was still what she needed most to ground her and make everything feel alright. Her face dipped in for a kiss, initially short and sweet but quickly succumbing to a familiar hunger. She pounced on him but miscalculated her momentum, rolling the whole way over him and pulling him with her so he lay on top. Not complaining, she thought as she hugged him close and indulged in the sensory bliss of his skin on hers.

He lightly rested his forehead on hers. “Do you, um, mind if we maybe don’t, y’know…” he trailed off sheepishly.

“Marco,” she crooned, holding his face in her hands. “How many times do I have to say it: I don’t want to do anything if you’re not comfortable with it.”

“I-I can try that, um, thing again, though, instead if- if you want?” Oh sweet, sweet Marco. Even after years together, he still couldn’t rest until he was sure he’d done everything he could for her.

“Yeah,” she implored, breathy with the mounting anticipation as he began a trail of kisses downward.

“What thing are you two talking about?” Time seemed to stop as any building pleasure completely evaporated. Marco grabbed the crumpled bedsheet and pulled it over the two of them as the couple stared at the window in complete incredulity to where Ludo was standing on a flapping Dennis’s back. “Well, anyway, I need some more advice-”

“GET. OUT!”

***

Marco rested his chin in his hands while Star paced in front of him. Three months. Three months of Ludo showing up at the most inopportune times, three months of Star trying and failing to feel satisfied with her efforts at the daycare, three months of a semester so intense that they were both at their wit’s end with all of it. Ludo had once again come to the college for advice after his 26th attempt to regain his old friends failed just as catastrophically as the previous 25. He was persistent, Marco had to give him that, and the old monster crew had even been pretty supportive when Star and Marco had tracked them down themselves and explained the situation. The issue seemed to be entirely from within Ludo’s own mind, which made it a dozen times harder to solve. It was the last day of the semester and they’d been haunted by thoughts of every minute of summer vacation spent throwing themselves at the brick wall of Ludo’s psyche, so they’d made a pact that today was all or nothing. Neither wanted to ditch Ludo, he wasn’t a bad guy, but enough was enough.

“Any ideas?” Star piped up, sounding entirely lost and uncertain as her gaze kept nervously darting over to Ludo who was brushing his beard and snacking on its droppings in the empty playroom. “We’ve tried psychology, reverse psychology, pep talks, reverse reverse psychology, all-you-can-eat chips, ygolohscysp-”

“Which still isn’t a thing,” Marco interrupted.

“Well I’m sorry, I’m not the one with a fancy degree, Marco!” she growled, tossing her arms out. “Ugh, sorry, this is just so frustrating. Doesn’t he have, like, a thousand brothers and sisters he could hang out with? If he can’t relax around the monsters, why does he always have to pester us when he could-” Her pacing instantly halted as her eyes opened wide. “Oh crud.”

He stood up and placed a hand on her shoulder reassuringly, unsure whether her apparent epiphany was a good or bad thing. “Star?”

“He came to us for help becoming comfortable around his old pals again because he already was comfortable around us.”

“Way too comfortable,” Marco muttered with a wince that Star mirrored. They were still a little bit traumatized from the shower incident. “But that means-”

“He never needed his monster pals, he just needed… friends,” she said just as he had the revelation on his own.

Marco smacked his forehead and sighed. “And he spent so much time fixating on this one thing, and we spent so much time just trying to solve his problem and shove him out the door, that we never tried just… being his friends.”

They both looked through the little window into the playroom, where Ludo saw them and waved with a giant smile.

Star buried her face in her hands, messing up her hair like she was prone to do whenever she was feeling frazzled. “Ugh, I feel terrible.”

“Same, but… we can’t be his only friends, though. I feel bad for him, but I don’t know if I have it in me to be his BFF.”

“You’re right, you’re right, but who else could even handle that? Who? The guy’s so hyper and weird, ugh, he reminds me of me as a kid, except way less cute.”

“...a kid.” They both mumbled simultaneously. It was as if a single lightbulb had gone off above both of them at once as all the pieces fell into place. “That’s it!”

Star bolted out the door to gather the handful of children that hadn’t been picked up yet while Marco got Ludo. A few minutes later, they met up at the rec center basketball court where Antonio helped them set up some kid-sized hoops. It took a bit of coaxing, but after a few minutes Ludo was having the time of his life tossing the ball around. The kids seemed to enjoy it, too, as he regaled them with tales of his adventures on Earth (and a few about a space princess with a cyclops and robot for friends that Marco was pretty sure he made up). Star and Marco had joined for a few games but both decided to just step back and watch from the bleachers for a while.

As they observed the scene, listening to the ecstatic wails of everyone on the court as they ran around with the ball, there was a smile on Star’s face that was more content than Marco had seen in a while. “See? You made their whole week just by giving them someone fun to play with,” Marco said, lacing his fingers through her hand. “They like you a lot more than they like balloons and candy.”

“Even I don’t need candy with you here being so sweet,” she cooed, nuzzling into his shoulder, neither taking their eyes off the courts. Ludo passed the ball to Trevor, who spun around and passed it back in a fluid motion that allowed Ludo to score. The blissful, carefree sight was soothing after the intensity of Marco’s life lately. Just some kids and a small bird man having fun playing a game together… life didn’t always have to be so complicated. The serene moment abruptly ended when Ludo’s beak caught on the rim, leaving him dangling above the ground and shrieking for help. As Star squeezed Marco’s hand, sighed, and stood up to go help the poor kappa, Marco knew it could never be truly simple either.

[queerchoicesblog]

The Carpathia (SC Titanic, Zetta x Adele Series, Ch. 13)

So, folks, here’s the new chapter of the series. Thank you so much for your support, hope you enjoy it!

Little disclaimer-favor: especially since the tags don’t seem to be working anymore, if you do enjoy it, please consider supporting the author & sharing this. A little gesture that means a lot!

Word Count: 3000+

Zetta x Adele Tag: @storyscaped​ ​ @storyscapefanficarchive​ @marmolady​ @animus-and-anima​ @hayley-carter19 @escako​  @everlastingchoices​ @andrxrneda @aestheticsayeed @indescribablechoices​ @ahrielstuff​ @bornonawdnsday​ @nazario-sayeed​  @h-doodles​ @adele-serda​ @marlcasters​ @brightpinkpeppercorn​ @nightwhite13 @ramenwithaspoon @michelleconnoly​ @charliejane-blog​ @ghost-of-yuri​  @choicesgremlin​ @shadeofangelus @lanzhansguqin​ @orange-elephants​

Zetta x Adele Series Tag: @eternal-langdon​ @nydeiri​

➡️ Ch. 1, Ch. 2/1, Ch. 2/2, Ch. 3, Ch. 4, Ch. 5, Ch. 6, Ch. 7, Ch. 8/1, Ch. 8/2, Ch. 9, Ch. 10/1, Ch. 10/2, Ch. 11/1, Ch. 11/2, Ch. 12

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The lights of dawn warm our cold cheeks as hope kindles again in our hearts after the horrors of the night. A wave of relief wash over us all as we see another steamer, our savior, slowly reduce its speed until it comes to an halt not far from us. Waiting for us. Those who still have an ounce of energy in them cry tears of joy: never such sight has been more blessed. We are safe. We did it. Thank God we did it. "Is...is that real?" Adele's voice is barely a whisper. She hugs herself as she tries to sit straight, her eyes searching the horizon. I am about to say something but her sister anticipates me. Turning her head back towards us after spotting the ship, she gives a little cheer. "It's a ship! It's a ship!" she confirms with another cheer. Then she smiles broadly at Adele and meets my eyes again. "You were right, ma'am! You were right!"

The relived happiness exuding from here is heartwarming. You could see that could she, she would jump up and down and hug everyone at reach. The gleam in her eyes is almost blinding: she put all the fears of the night behind her and is now focusing back on the moment. On living. On this new dawn. "Why, I'm always right" I say jokingly, winking. I'm surprised I can still do that after tonight. But after all, a few hours ago I was winking and sharing a little joke with my love at the bottom of the Grand Staircase. Despite everything, despite the impending tragedy. "And it's Zetta for you, honey" I add as the officer stands and give our oarsmen the order to row us towards the steamship. It takes time to coordinate all the lifeboats in this sea of ice. We can see it now in the morning light: we're surrounded by a web of icebergs just like the one I saw with horror from the deck. They're everywhere, cruel testament of the mournful events of the night. Why no one spotted it? Why were we racing at high speed? I decide to leave my questions unanswered and hug my love as we move again. They don't matter now. All that matters is that we're alive. It takes hours and hours to line all the vessels alongside the steamship called 'Carpathia' and bring us all abroad. Which is easier said than done. Those who can climb up rope ladders, others are hoisted up in slings and the children in mail sacks. Our vessel is among the last ones to be boarded so when I finally set foot on the main deck of the ship, it is already crowded with passengers from the Titanic. As I take a few steps forward, the scenes of joy I witness move me to the point that I distinctly feel a lump forming in my throat and my eyes welling. I probably needed this: thee has been a moment I started losing hope to see this beautiful dawn. And this sight is...another dawn, in its own way. Families and friends reunited and hugging each other, cupping their faces and crying all the tears they've suppressed so far. It's a balsam to my aching heart. I hear someone saying something near me but I cannot tell if they're talking to me. I turn and a stewardess is standing at my side, handing me a wool blanket with a gentle smile. I smile back at her and wrap the blanket around my shoulders. I am freezing despite James's jacket so I am eternally grateful to her when a little warmth embraces me. I savour the feeling for a moment then I search my companions. They are all standing a few steps away. Hileni pulled Adele into a tight hug as Sabine is gathering blankets for them. Matteo and Jamie awkwardly stand side by side. Jamie is saying something I cannot hear that makes Teo shake his head but my nephew insists. He looks like he's begging him. It seems to be important...I can only hope he's not being unreasonable again. I walk towards my dear ones and approach my little Napoleon. Dark circles frame her bright eyes and mine too, probably. The night was rough, to put it mildly. We share a tired smile then I hug her. She tenses up at first, not expecting it, but soon relaxes in my arms. We're soon approached by another steward who invites us to follow him. They're gathering the rescued passengers in the dining rooms and serving coffee. We share a look and oblige him. We leave the deck and follow him and other passengers down a series of corridors and stairs. We must look like ghosts to the Carpathia's passengers stepping back at our sight. They wanted to witness this historical moment but they didn't know we would look that bad, I read it on their bewildered faces. When we finally reach one of the dining room a waitress welcomes us with a sympathetic smile and guides us inside. The room is almost full, only a bunch of table are still available. We all follow her, except James and Teo. We are already heading towards the table the waitress pointed when they leave. Last thing I hear from them is Jamie asking directions for the infirmary then they're gone. I'm too exhausted to inquiry further: if they're hurt or sick, the ship doctors will take care of them. We will check on them later. The waitress invites us to take a seat into a table nearby, before turning to attend other passengers. The table is a bit small for all of us but we hardly notice. We seat in silence until steamy cups of coffee are served. I take a huge gulp that almost burn my tongue but it's...resuscitating. The hot coffee injects new life in my veins. Surprisingly, Hileni is the one breaking the silence. "I've...I've heard that it was your birthday yesterday, ma' - I mean, Zetta" she says after clearing her throat. It's still quite weird to her to call me by my name only or so it seems to me by the way she stutters over it. "Belated congratulations" Hileni adds with a sheepish smile, her eyes wandering from me to Adele as if checking if she said the right thing. I wonder what exactly she knows about us, how much my love told her. Not knowing if I'm just an employer or something more than that in her mind, I thank her and flash her a grateful smile: I almost forgot yesterday was my day. I raise my cup and repeats in my best acting voice the words I said at my party: "Thank you, old friends and new, for being here with me to celebrate my twentieth birthday" They ring a bit hollow now, away from the Café Parisien. Adele and Sabine smile weakly, probably reminiscing when they first heard them, while Hileni looks at me with amused curiosity, raising her own cup. This time I change my next line, though. "...And that's all that matters now. All of us being here, together, drinking coffee at this table on another ship" I embrace all of them with one look. "It's the best birthday gift I could ask for after last night. I wouldn't trade it with anything" I add softly and God knows I mean every word. It's the first time that I see Sabine almost on the verge of tears at my kind words. I place my hand on her shoulder and squeeze it gently as she tries to shake the lump in her throat off taking a gulp of coffee. I continue sharing details of what a beautiful work my little Napoleon and Adele did with the decorations with Hileni. I know it may sound silly -some would even say disrespectful maybe- now talking about those things but my mind is frozen and it's the only happy thing that comes into my mind at the moment. For some reason I feel like I should talk, say something even little things like that to prevent us from drowning in our sorrow. I know that moment will come and I dread it: when it will all sink in, we will be shattered and we will need each other. For now I must try to fill the silence, the void...to patch our wounds even if temporarily. Adele is awfully quiet but her sister listens with interest and...gratitude, I cannot tell. Sabine tries to recover, sipping her coffee and adjusting her blanket. I'm telling Hileni that I will teach her how to waltz too when we will be in America and recovered from this tragic night, that Sabine and I will show them both around when someone startles me. All of us, to be honest. A hand grabs my shoulder and I turn to see a young woman standing at my side. Her hair and overall look dishevelled, she either refused or let go of her blanket as she's just wearing an unbuttoned wool coat. It takes me a moment to recognise the young lady Sabine and I bumped into as we ran to the promenade and saw the iceberg. I suddenly remember as a flash her walking past us at the arm of a young man. Now the look on her face is no longer numb...what's in her eyes is pure dread and frantic despair. "Pardon me, ladies, but I was wondering if you could help me? I'm looking for someone, maybe you've seen him. Here's a picture of him!" Both her voice and her hands shakes as she show us a miniature picture on the inside of her necklace. The young gentleman who was with her on the deck. In the picture he's wearing a uniform and a dignified smile is curling his lips. I grimace as we take a look and she continues, almost feverishly. "Name's Henry, Henry Atherton. He served in the Navy and...and he has quite an accent when he speaks, he's from Liverpool..have you seen him? We separated on the deck, he said he would get the next lifeboat I- I didn't want to go without him but he insisted saying we will be meet again when rescued but I can't find him anywhere, have you seen him?" My heart sinks as we all grimly shake our head saying that sadly no, we didn't see his Henry. Her face falls too but she won't surrender so soon. How long has she been searching for him? I wince at the thought of it. Sabine suggests her to go to the main deck: many survivors are still there or to ask directions for the other dining rooms. The young woman nods frantically and announces that she will go back to the deck. "Godspeed, we will come find you if we see him, Miss...?" I add as she's already resumed her search. She turns back and share her name before fighting her way through the crowd. Silence falls at our table as we share un uneasy look. I noticed a ring at her finger, I wonder if they're married, maybe even newlyweds. Maybe they decided to honeymoon on the Ship of Dreams...I pray she will find her Henry and her heart won't be broken in such a tragic way. In the days that follow, three days that resemble a haze, we soon realize that so many hearts broke or are bound to be shattered: so few of us made it to the Carpathia. Which means too many poor souls went to their watery grave. Fathers, husbands, wives, friends, crew, maids...even children. I hear that lifeboat 12 was filled with the corpses of those who froze to death on the vessels waiting for our rescue and abandoned there. I'm grateful I had already left the deck by that time and was spared such a sight. On a bright note, it seems the officer who came back to look for survivors manage to save three people in the end. The joyful hugs of sweet reunions of the first day become rare as hopes die when so many loved ones fail to reappear in the crowd. One of them is Henry: if he was here now, the poor girl would have no reason to sob uncontrollably in the arms of a maid. As we sail towards New York our hearts fill with a weird mix of relief of being alive and sorrow for all the lives lost at sea. Sabine takes charge of our group. I remember she mentioning being used to grief as she buried her family when she was young, and she tries her best to comfort me and the others. She tries to keep us busy, no matter how silly the tasks she suggests sound: "if the hands are busy working, mind aches less and heals faster", she explains, probably translating a motto a wise relative used to say to her. So she braids Hileni's hair and converses with her in French, or suggests card matches or literally anything that would prevent us from be quiet. Teo and Hileni sometimes oblige and joins her while James is ever absent. Always somewhere else, always lost in his own thought as if losing himself in a stupor. I wish I could talk to him but I have no words for him. Not now, at least: the wound is still too fresh. I return him his jacket and quickly hug him but that's all I can do for him. The one who concerns me most is Adele, surprisingly. The girl who left me speechless with her silver tongue during our short trip is now as quiet as a tomb. She tries to shake away her sadness when Hileni is around but the light in her eyes is fading. It's a terrible thing to see and it makes my heart aches even more. I find the idea of separating from her unbearable and I can only hope my closeness helps her somehow...even if I start doubting it. I escort her around the ship for walks because I can't bear the thought of her succumbing to her grief. I hold her close, uncaring of what others may think, but she's a ghost, a shadow of her usual self. I try not to think of what awaits me in America and make sure she eats, sleep, survive. I caress her hair hoping my presence is of some comfort to her. Maybe America will do her good too as it did for me. After the first year with Franz, that is. Maybe a change of scenery, a new job away, a new place to belong will help her moving on. Away from her past in England, from danger and this watery graveyard. I hope so...I can only hope so... One night I wake up before dawn and see her spot empty. A wave of dread runs down my spine as the worst thoughts crowd my mind. The others are sleeping, they didn't notice. Without thinking twice, I wrap a blanket around my shoulders and start looking for her, stopping every member of the crew on my way. Have they seen her? It's one of them telling me that he thinks he saw a girl meeting my description heading towards the main deck. I ran there full speed as I picture the worst: Adele diving overboard, Adele disappearing or freezing in the chilly night...but Adele is doing nothing of that. She's just...crying. She's crying, hugging her knees on a bench facing the ocean. Tears stream down her cheeks and she looks into the distance, into the darkness. I notice an officer nearby, probably wondering whether he should intervene, but when our eyes meet I gesture him I know the girl and he could resume his patrol. I walk towards her trying my best not to upset her. She doesn't seem to acknowledge my presence, lost in her own thoughts and sorrow. When I'm close enough, I reach out and caress her hair. My touch is gentle but sadly I startle her anyway. She looks up and meet my gaze: her eyes are puffed and red, I wonder how long she's been here alone on the desert deck. I smile down at her and nod to make room for me. She hesitates for a moment then scoot over and let me sit beside her. I wrap the blanket around her too and pull her close. We don't have to talk now, I can stay here, quiet and let her cry but she doesn't have to be alone. I kiss her forehead and caress her cheek: I'm right here, my love. Adele rests her head on my shoulder, grateful that I'm not forcing her to find words for the grief she's mourning. She holds on to me, wrapping her arms around my waist as if I am an anchor, her anchor in the storm shaking her soul. I stroke her back as her tears soak our blanket but I don't care. What I care and hope is she will feel a bit better after this: her wounds will take time to heal completely but grief needs tears at some point. When her breath slows down and normalises again, I sigh in relief: the storm is subsiding. That's when she speak, her voice hoarse from crying. Her words flow like waves and I'm glad she's opening up and not letting her sorrow eating her out. She's scared and broken. The horrors of that night are still vivid just like the memories of those left behind. The future is uncertain: she has lost everything, even the little she had, her savings...what are they gonna do in America? She blames herself: it's all her fault, she should have never dragged Hileni into this, how can her sister forgive her? However, I feel the real question here is how my love will forgive herself... I would like to say something but she continues. She has lost everything, including the only friends she made on board. "You and Sabine excluded, obviously" she adds, making me smile a little. I ask her who she's referring to. With a heavy sight, she explains she has not seen her cabinmate ever since. They parted ways on the ship, the water was rising fast in the Turkish Baths when she gave her friend directions to the decks. Adele is worried she didn't make it. "She broke her leg in the collision" she explains grimly before adding. "She provided the posters and pictures for your party. She...she had this dress made for me" Oh right, I think I remember. The cabinmate who is a huge fan of mine and works for Maison Lucille? I ask if it's Corinna she's talking about. "Her real name is Lena" she says but I glad to see her lips curl into a weak smile at my question. Then her eyes fall on her blue jacket and she goes quiet again. She categorically refuses to take it off. Ever, not even to replace it with something warmer. A sudden realisation hits me. I ask her if another friend gave it to her even if I already know the answer. So that's how I learn about Charlie Stoke, brave young steward who helped my love without never asking anything back. A fast friendship as it happens on ships, a friendship tragically interrupted. They parted ways in the engine room, she says. As soon as I hear it, I turn her to face her. My stomach turns at the mere picture of it. "The engine room? You went down there when the ship was sinking?" I ask searching her eyes. I am grateful I get to know this now: if I had known back then, I would have been shattered, utterly defeated. My foolish desperate love... "Yes, all the corridors were flooded and it was the only way out, he said. He was...right" she explains then she lowers her eyes and fresh tears run down her cheeks. "He didn't join you on the deck..." I wince, connecting the dots. No, he stayed down there to help the firemen keeping the lights on till the very last minute. That poor boy gave his life to save our, so many other lives who will never hear once of him. I immediately understand why he and Adele became so close friends in such a short time, two selfless and idealist gems casting a light so bright in this delusional world. I suddenly wish I got the chance to know this Charlie, we were strangers yet so close at my party... I caress my love's face as she regrets not saving him. She tried to stop him but he didn't listen to her. But then, maybe he would have been furious to her for not respecting his decision, his sacrifice. He allowed her to stay a bit longer but then encouraged her to go to the boats and survive this ordeal. "And I respect his decision, he saved my life and Matteo and Hileni but I feel...so lonely now. Without him and I know it's selfish of me when he-" Her voice breaks as her grief strikes hard. I pull her into an embrace and cradle her into my arms. I'm so sorry, my dear love, I'm so terribly sorry... When we part, I brush her hair away from her face, gently, and lean closer and kiss her tears away. No one is in sight or near enough to notice us. Then, I meet Adele's troubled gaze. It softens as I cup her face, stroking her wet cheeks with my thumb. "You are not alone, Adele, no matter how lonely you feel in the aftermath of this tragedy. You have Hileni and it's because of you, thanks to you she's here, quietly sleeping belowdecks. You went down to the belly of that ship and brought her to safety. You saved her. And Teo: you remember how you stood up for him with that officer? You fool" I smile tenderly at her, even if my forehead had certainly covered with cold sweat back then. "And Sabine! I'm pretty sure she has a liking for my former secretary. Tomorrow or when we reach shore we will try and find your cabinmate too, huh? If she's anything like you, I bet she's here somewhere. And...most importantly-" I take a pause: I want her to remember what I'm gonna say next. "You have me, Adele. You will always have me. I don't want to part from you anytime soon. I'll find a way, we'll find a way and- and maybe I can help you starting anew in New York, huh? I would gladly do it, if you let me. No, don't give me that look, my dear suffragette, I know you're an independent woman, I just wanna help" Adele suppresses a giggle at my last comment but I'm sure my words moved her. In full response, she reaches out and places her hand over mine. I follow her gesture and intertwine our fingers after one last stroke to her cheek. I look down at our hands as I choose carefully what to say. "I still want to believe that a renaissance is about to come. Mine, yours" I search her eyes again. "It's always darkest before the dawn, sweetheart, but our renaissance is just out there. I'm sure of it" Adele ponders my words then offers me a weak smile where I sense a little sparkle of hope. She rests her head on my shoulder again, pacified, and asks me if we can stay there a bit longer. Who am I to say no to my troubled Angel? "Tell me about New York. Is it bigger than London?" she whispers, cuddling up to me. I smile to myself at the thought of the city that I call home. The idea of sharing it with Adele makes me unbelievably happy. I tell her of the boulevards and high buildings, so high they look like they're touching the sky. Then the parks, my beloved Central Park, and the theatres, the cafes and restaurants, the movie theatres...the atmosphere. I have never been in a city like that. It's thrilling, vibrant but also quiet and comforting. You just need to know where to find what you look for. I savour the feeling of joyful anticipation of guiding my love through the streets and my favourite spots. To host her at my place and chat freely with her, not needing to refrain our affection. A smile is still lingering on my lips as I conclude my speech and press a quick kiss on the crown of her head. "You'll love it, Adele. I'll show you"

[movienotesbyzawmer]

October 19, 2020: Friday the 13th

This is happening. I am going to watch the first eight Friday the 13th movies over the next eight evenings.

Am I an idiot. Will I even get through them all. Why.

The earlier movies in the series came out at a time when I was a pre-teen movie fan who really wanted to get past the too-scary barrier and just enjoy horror movies. I think rewatching the first couple on cable back in the early 80s helped me get used to horror movies. But it's not like I ever was a huge fan of, just, straight slasher movies. I'd appreciate the effects and the gore, but I never thought they were excellent movies.

So here we are at the first one, still the most famous one. I remember it well enough that I don't think anything will be scary or surprising, but it's been so long that I suspect it will look very, very dated. Let's pop this sukka in…

Right away we get to hear the familiar "riff" or whatever you want to call this bit in the score that goes CH CH CH CH CH HA HA HA HA HA HA. Good job coming up with that.

So they tell us that it's Camp Crystal Lake in 1958, and we cut between teenage camp leader people doing a singalong and a POV stalkercam creeping around. It really doesn't look like 1958 in any way. But that turns into a POV murdering of two boinking teenagers; definitely owes a debt to Halloween, which came out two years earlier. But that ends with the title of the movie shooting out toward us all and shattering some glass we didn't know was there! Oh mercy what a surprise how will I ever get any sleep.

Ha! A crazy old man jumps in front of the nice girl and be-s all scary at her with the portentous "death curse" warning. Kinda hard to believe this movie came out in the same decade as Blue Velvet, is my comment on its dramatic maturity.

0:12:45 - Kevin Bacon's first appearance! Do people remember that this is one of his earliest roles? Still a couple years after his small role in Animal House though, so he was actually known.

So now we're at the camp and we see the girl who makes it to the end. She's talking to the dude with the mustache who is, what, the owner of the camp? There's a creepy tension maybe because they will want us to suspect he's a bad guy later. Or maybe because awkward exchanges are a consequence of movie budgets being small. But there's also dumb plot exposition about how, okay, fine, she'll stay on the job until Friday but then she has to move to California to pursue her real interests. You know, art drawings!

Ooh, now the first girl, Little Miss Backpack, catches a second ride, but we don't see the driver, it's all POV! She's in trouble, and we don't know who it is! Is it Moustachio? She's on the run through the woods! Limping, oh no! And… SLASH! That's kind of interesting because it was looking like she might be the protagonist. But in the brilliant clarity of this very nice, newly-restored Blu-ray presentation, we see her cruelly dispatched by way of some pretty mediocre gore makeup. Good enough for what must have been a pretty low budget I guess. But hard to believe this came out just one year before An American Werewolf in London.

0:26:20 - "What Do I Do", says the snake-chasing counselor guy. It's a funny delivery! And I actually like some of the angles in this scene.

Now there's this motorcycle cop character who shows up to Be A Cop at them. The actor seems like he's not very experienced, but like he was cast because he has a weird way of talking that was amusing during the casting sessions.

Bah ha ha ha, the weird dude from town is lurking in the pantry! He emerges shockingly to deliver another warning! The only reason that happens is to make us wonder if he is the stalker. "You're doomed! You're all doomed!" Way to embrace that dialogue, buddy.

It's kind of like the director didn't give these counselor actors individual character notes; he just told them all "you are spunky young camp counselors, that's it, that's the direction".

So Kevin Bacon and his girlfriend have repaired to a little cabin so they can Do It, and something that's occurring to me is that, unlike what we're more used to seeing in slasher movies, they aren't focusing on the sexual attractiveness of the females. The guys and the gals are all just kind of good-lookin-enough young adults who are all into each other. I'm going to keep an eye on how this progresses as I get deeper into the series, if I even last the whole eight movies.

Whoa a dude is dead in the bunk above where they're Doing It! We didn't see that guy get killed even, right? He looks enough like another one of the guys that I might not have noticed his character was absent.

The KB death scene I totally remember, and at first it looks quite good and is a good shock! But because this restoration is so clean, you really notice the color difference between where it's KB's head and a fake body getting speared. Other than that, though, that is pretty exquisite horror movie violence, that death.

KB's girlfriend is looking like she's about to get murdered, and while she is in skimpy underwear, I still don't think it's like that to titillate us as much as to make her seem vulnerable. Am I being naïve? Maybe. The rest of the gang is playing strip poker in their quarters, but they're such regular people and not being filmed in any kind of steamy way.

The pace really slowed down after those couple of bloody murders, but audiences at the time were probably pretty shocked by how bloody they were. Both of those deaths were very much in close-up. At this point in the movie, though, there's a more careful suspense. We go back to Moustachio, chatting in a diner, then having car trouble. It's plodding in a way that seems actually pretty smart. I feel suspense building.

0:56:58 - I don’t remember this scene at all… one of the girls is all by herself and she clearly hears someone calling for help. It's not done in a "maybe it's the supernatural echo of the drowning boy's screams" way. It's just a lure. The girl goes outside, someone turns floodlights on… and we cut away just as she's ostensibly about to get all killed up.

So now it's just the short-haired girl and the dark haired guy that didn't die yet. Are they the last ones left? Other than Moustachio? That happened quick!

1:02:10 - First mention of it being Friday the 13th. It's really not significant to the story or to the whole series. They were clearly just stoked that they claimed "Friday the 13th" as a property.

Moustachio just got killed; no violence; it was just so we could see that he recognized the killer. Plus also now we know for sure he's not the killer, even though we figured that because he was off at the diner while killings were happening. Our minds are really spinning trying to solve this diabolical mystery!

I do like how they are drawing out the suspense at this point. Lots of little moments where maybe a lurker is about to get them.

How come people used to make coffee in the exact same was as they make hot cocoa? Just get a mug and put some coffee crystals in there and some sugar, then pour boiling water in there and serve?

Boom! After all that meticulous slow action, dude is dead on the door! Up until this point, the main girl had no idea that actual deaths were going on, and suddenly she's the only one left alive! It is exciting to watch her figure out what she'll do.

What she does first is go all in on blocking one door. It's kind of unintentionally funny, and also maybe that's what any of us would come up with.

In case she wasn't sure if the other gals were still around, a cadaver of one of them is heaved in front of her through a window! Just like that she undoes all her door work because she sees a jeep pull up. Are we supposed to recognize it as Bad Jeep from earlier? I think we are. It's a nice lady, but we are suspicious because Bad Jeep. But why would she throw a girl through a window and then just a few minutes later arrive in a Jeep?

The Jason's Mom actress is awesome, super intense. Only problem is that it's a little hard to believe that she's twenty years on from being a mother of a kid who was at a camp.

The main girl is on the run and found a rifle, and is just like OMG where is ammo, and she looks as desperate as I'd be. This is fine, you guys. Fine work. Fine, fine work.

1:26:40 - We're near the end. The chase devolved into an I-found-you-hiding-in-the-pantry fight. Jason's Mom got laid out on the floor and there was a little blood, so the main girl was like, time to just kneel by a canoe with my back to all of everything. But Mom is there and the fight ends with her being beheaded, because somehow there was a machete there that only the main girl knew about! The machete from the snake incident earlier that was in a totally different place, I guess. So she rewards herself with a midnight canoe ride by herself on the lake, which honestly should have been pretty free of murderers, not that dumb a move.

What is dumb is this ending. She wakes up in the hospital, vocally convinced that The Boy Jason pulled her under, even though she didn't see what happened because he grabbed her from behind. But there were cops there looking right at her at that time, they should have seen. Also, like, so do you slip into a coma when you fall overboard or something? Last time I got fully submerged in water I didn't wake up in the hospital with lots of questions.

So that's that! I watched Friday the 13th and told you what I was thinking as I watched it. It is not without virtues and the Blu-ray transfer looks very nice, but it is a slasher movie whose intended audience is no more nuanced than the undefined blob of camp counselor characters that make up most of the movie.

(next: Friday the 13th Part 2)

[seagreen-meets-grey]

When Lightning Strikes Ch. 5

When your life is nothing but a cloudless sky, lightning can come and strike you so unexpectedly, you won’t even know what hit you.

Or: When Hiccup and Astrid meet, it is as if lightning strikes.

[Chapter 1] [Chapter 2] [Chapter 3] [Chapter 4] [Chapter 6] [Chapter 7] [Chapter 8] [Chapter 9] [Chapter 10] [Chapter 11] [Chapter 12] [Chapter 13] [Chapter 14] [Chapter 15] [Chapter 16] [Chapter 17] [Chapter 18] [Chapter 19] [Chapter 20]

Crossposted on ao3 and ff.net

_______________

With an exhausted sigh, Astrid’s head hit the pillow. It was well past midnight and Eret was fast asleep, snoring on the bed next to her. She barely noticed it, distracted by a weird tingly feeling, as if her limbs were numb. But they were instead filled with energy, as if she’d just had a year’s worth of caffeine. She chose to blame it on the few drinks she’d had, not on the involvement of someone she was definitely not thinking about again. Not when she finally had a real plan to shove him out of her mind.

Ruffnut had had many suggestions; some horrifying, some actually good, some just plain gross – nothing she hadn’t expected. Astrid would have to procure a few supplies for some of the ideas, but then there would be no stopping her. She would seduce her fiancé, have mind-blowing sex and never think of another man again.

Making a mental shopping list for the following days was the last thing on her mind before she fell asleep.

She had the usual dream, much to her chagrin. Hiccup and she were standing on the porch of Dagur’s house; Heather didn’t exist and neither did Eret. Everything felt like it was supposed to be like this. Only this time, it wasn’t him who kissed her. When his fingers touched her face, she grabbed him by the shoulders, losing no time, and crashed her lips on his. A fire ignited in her core, spread first to her heart, then to her lower abdomen.

She blinked and found herself in a bedroom. There was a desk covered in pieces of paper she didn’t spare a second look at, busy getting rid of her clothes. In the back of her mind, she registered a wardrobe, a chair, some shelves and lots and lots of books. There was a pile on the floor and she lost sight of it when Hiccup’s shirt landed on it.

He reached to the side and opened his bedside drawer, revealing everything she’d just put on her mental list. The fire burned and spit and crackled and heat enveloped her. Soon their bodies were drenched in sweat, twisting and arching and embracing – until a powerful strike of lightning shot straight through where they were joined.

Astrid woke with a start, her heart beating like crazy. She was panting, hot and sweaty underneath her pajamas. Her lips whispered the ghost of Hiccup’s name and she found her hand between her legs. She pulled it back as if she’d just had an electric shock.

A quick check of the clock told her it was the middle of the night. As she was slowly winding down, a cool breeze drifting in through the ajar window, cooling the sweat on her forehead, she squeezed her eyes shut.

“Shit,” she hissed. Okay, maybe it wasn’t just some mild attraction or curiosity towards a certain type that Hiccup happened to fall under. Maybe it was him. And maybe she had a problem with admitting this to herself without the help of a word used to express uncertainty.

So what did that mean for her now? She was very attracted to someone. The dream she kept having was probably a scheme conducted by her own mind; it had been trying to tell her what she’d just come to admit.

Usually, she would just get it out of her system by sleeping with him for real. But the circumstances – namely her being engaged and in a long-term relationship with another man – were blocking that path. It would be cheating, and even if she told Eret about it and asked for his permission, he would never be okay with it. And quite frankly, neither would she, were the roles reversed.

It all still came down to the fact that whatever attraction she felt towards Hiccup, she needed to get over it. That’s why she’d talked to Ruff about sex in the first place; only now, there was a particular face to the feelings she’d generalized before.

Her plan still stood: Spice it up with Eret and try not to picture anyone else during the act, or before, or afterwards, or any time at all. Especially not Hiccup.

With that goal in mind, she went back to sleep, daring her brain to make her have the same dream again. Her inner glare didn’t work. In the morning, she had to take care of the fire by jumping Eret before she went to work.

A few days and nights filled with steamy dreams later, Eret’s eyes nearly popped out of his head when he saw her in her new outfit. All his blood rushed to attention when she unpacked her bag to reveal the peculiar toys and gadgets she had gone out and bought for them.

This oughta work, she thought as she felt the old familiar excitement pool in her stomach.

Later that day, she was lying on the bathroom floor next to Eret, entirely spent and happier than she’d been in weeks. Realizing that gave her a good feeling about the situation. She’d managed to concentrate on Eret and Eret only, only slipping up once while she’d had her eyes closed and in a moment of shuttering bliss saw green eyes behind her lids.

That night, she finally dreamed about something other than Hiccup, something mundane that was gone from her memory the moment she opened her eyes in the morning. It had been dull and boring compared to the other past nights, but Astrid still let out a sigh of relief.

Only for the next night to be full of Hiccup again. Both her and Eret’s day had been filled with work and they’d had no time for any shenanigans. She figured their new sexual adventures worked like cheap medicine; it prevented her mind from conjuring Hiccup but it didn’t heal her for good. It seemed like she would have to up her game another notch.

After a while, the sex dreams stopped and Astrid was hopeful that her plan had come to fruition. But instead, she dreamed of his smile and eyes warming her, of cuddling close to him, being happy with him, simply being with him. That electric sensation was always with her, the whole night long. And still, in those dreams, Eret never existed.

It took her a few more weeks of denial and wedding preparations that felt more like chores than inciting tasks until she gave in.

She woke from another dream of her and Hiccup doing ordinary couple’s activities, like baking together or going shopping for a lazy Friday night. The worst thing was that she’d just baked a cake with Eret the other day. Now when she tried to recall that afternoon, images from her dream overlapped with reality, and some part of her that she’d buried deep within her would have preferred the dream version.

It’s just because the cake in the dream didn’t end up burned, she thought, that’s the only reason–

She exhaled slowly and accepted defeat.

Fuck.

She had feelings for someone other than her fiancé, feelings that transcended a simple sexual attraction. She wasn’t sure what exactly these feelings were, though, and what they meant.

Her head was spinning and the ground felt like it was pulled from under her feet. She was losing the battle; her strategy hadn’t worked and she had conflicting feelings towards the enemy’s forces.

The day blurred by, everything touched by a new light, a light either peaceful or dripping with threat.

That night, when she was in bed, feeling Eret’s warm breath on the back of her head and his arms enveloping her from behind, his snores the only sound in the whole apartment, she couldn’t sleep.

She and Hiccup had spent so damn little time together; it made no sense that she was feeling this way now. But she was, and there was no rhyme or reason to it.

The hours passed by, evident by the dying sound of traffic outside her window and the masses of thoughts that wandered through her mind.

At some point of the night, she recalled the conversation she’d had with Hiccup in the bar. The one in which he’d told her about him and Heather, and him and his feelings for someone else. Someone who was engaged. Like her. What if he had been talking about her?

That thought wouldn’t leave her, wouldn’t release its grip on her, its claws cutting deeper and deeper.

Eret let out an exceptionally loud snore that made Astrid flinch. In that moment, his strong arms around her suddenly meant nothing to her and she wondered how skinny, lean arms around her would feel; not just the ones from her dream but their real equivalents, in flesh and bone.

She lied awake into the early hours of the morning, when the streetlamps went out and the first cars rolled through the streets. When she finally fell asleep, she once again dreamed of green eyes and the kindest smile she’d ever seen.

_______________

“That’s the last of them.” With a loud thud, the box landed on the ground, in-between a chaos of other moving crates, random pieces of clothing, and forgotten cold takeout food.

“Alright,” Stoick said, fiddling with his car keys. “I need to get back to the office. Will you be okay?”

Hiccup stretched his arms over his head and winced when his back popped. Moving so many heavy boxes up the stairs to the third floor made him appreciate elevators even more – not that he hadn’t before. “Thanks, dad. We’ll be alright.”

“Well then,” Stoick nodded and waved his son goodbye. “See you on Saturday.”

“Bye, dad. Thanks for the help.”

“Oh, don’t mention it.” He smiled good-naturedly and turned around, almost bumping into Fishlegs who carried a pile of Hiccup’s books. Stoick prevented the pile from falling to the floor by grabbing it with his large hands. When he gave it back to Fishlegs, he leaned in and said in a low voice, “Make sure he doesn’t do anything stupid.”

“I heard that, you know,” Hiccup mumbled, rummaging through the boxes in search of his phone.

With a last goodbye, Stoick left the apartment and unintentionally slammed the door closed behind him, whistling as he walked out of the building.

Fishlegs carefully put the pile of books on a free space on the couch and dropped down next to it. “You know that he means well. We both do.”

With a triumphant HA!, Hiccup fished his phone out of a box full off sketching supplies and old notebooks. While he scrolled through his apps to find one for ordering takeout, he sat on another box. “I know that you do, and I appreciate it, but you don’t have to act like I’m fatally ill or about to rob a bank the second you leave me alone.” He found the app he’d been looking for, selected some food and passed it over to his friend.

“Well, you did just come out of a three-year relationship. And then there’s the whole Astrid thing…”

Accepting the phone back and finalizing the order, Hiccup rolled his eyes. “I’m glad my parents don’t know about that part, especially my dad.”

Fishlegs watched him for a minute until he asked, “Have you seen her again after the last time you talked?”

Hiccup looked up from his phone. “Which one? Heather or Astrid?”

“Astrid.”

“Not after I met her at McCally’s.” Where he had almost let it slip that he liked her. He sighed, tossed his phone to the side and made a face when it ricocheted off another pile of books. Roughly half of his stuff consisted of books; most of them his own, the rest he had to read for work.

“Maybe that’s a good thing,” Fishlegs suggested carefully. “You can’t grow more attached to her when you don’t get the chance to see her.”

“Maybe.” Hiccup knew his friend was right, but he still felt like every new day without her was like a year without rain.

“Has Heather called you back?”

“No,” he sighed. “Give her some time. When she feels hurt and betrayed, she needs some space.”

He’d been to their – no, her – apartment this morning to load all his stuff into the moving truck, but she hadn’t been there. When he’d left his key on the kitchen table, taking one last look around, he’d spotted the invitation taped to the fridge. He’d gulped and bolted the place.

“Do you think she’ll come around?”

Hiccup shrugged. “I hope so. I don’t feel any ill will towards her and three years together does create a bond.”

“I hope so, too.” Fishlegs looked around the chaos and Hiccup could read it on his face that he didn’t like the mess but wasn’t too keen on sorting it out just yet. Their stomachs rumbled in unison. “You know it’s not your fault, right?”

Hiccup got up from his seat on the crate and started to push the boxes all to one side, blocking out the glances his friend was throwing him. “It’s my fault that she’s hurt.”

“But you can’t choose who you love. And you said yourself that you’d stopped loving her even before you met Astrid.”

Hiccup wiped a hand over his face. “Yes, we’ve been over this. I know all that. Will you give me a hand with this?”

With Fishlegs’ help, they cleaned the place so far that there was enough space to comfortably eat and walk around in no time.

“I also hope I don’t run into Dagur before I talked to Heather. He’s kind of unpredictable.”

“And crazy,” Fishlegs added.

“And that, yes. Thank you for reminding me.”

The doorbell rang and Hiccup opened, bringing in their food. After some searching, they found the paper towels and sat at the kitchen table, digging into their burgers and fries.

“But seriously,” Fishlegs spoke up after a few minutes of silent eating, “you’ll be okay, right? You know you can drop by anytime; my couch is always there for you. And me too, of course. Like, if you need to talk or just vent or anything–”

“I know, bud,” he interrupted him and lifted a fry for Fishlegs to tap with one of his. “I’ll be fine, though. Besides, it’s not like I don’t have a life outside of my ex-girlfriend and the Astrid thing. In fact, I’m going out for brunch with my mom tomorrow morning; on Saturday, I’ll go visit a family friend with my dad. And I’m still on for bowling night next week with you and the guys.”

“Good.” He took a large bite out of his veggie burger. “Jus’ don’ think abou’ her too much.” A blob of sauce dripped on his hands.

While Fishlegs cleaned his fingers, Hiccup raised one eyebrow. “Sure, I’ll just do that.” When his friend lifted his head to give him a pointed look, he put on a confident smile. “I’ll try.”

_______________

He did try. He just didn’t last that long.

Not long after Fishlegs had left that night, she showed up in his thoughts again and wouldn’t leave. She’d made herself at home in his heart and he wasn’t able to throw her out. They would have to talk about the rent soon, though.

He imagined lots of different way their conversation in the bar could have gone. What if he’d told her that he liked her – really liked her – or what if he’d stayed instead of running, again? It was the same as when he’d bolted from the porch during Dagur’s party. What would have happened if he’d stayed? Both times, he might have exchanged phone numbers with her, stayed in touch, become friends. Friends, best friends, hoping for more.

But no matter what he imagined, every situation had him back up to the same problem. She wouldn’t fall for him the way he fell for her; sudden and quick like lightning in his heart. She was engaged. He’d never even had a chance with her.

He pondered finding out where she lived – no, wait, that was creepy – or where she worked. He could just go and tell her. Then he’d find out what would happen. Maybe it’d be like in the movies. He’d confess his feelings and she’d confess that she’d been feeling the same way the whole time. And then she’d leave her fiancé and kiss Hiccup and they’d be together for the rest of their lives.

But he wasn’t in a movie and Astrid was engaged.

She hadn’t made any moves to befriend him further, either. She’d never asked him to keep in touch. Maybe she would have, if you hadn’t run away two of the three times you saw her, a voice in his head chided him. He let himself fall backwards on his bed, inadvertently knocking his head on the headrest.

“Ow,” he made and rubbed the spot, already feeling a small bump forming there.

He didn’t even know if he could be around her as a friend, anyway, when every time he saw her, he wanted to hold her, kiss her, never let her go, because she was pulling him in with a rope fastened around his soul.

On a particularly rainy day, he was hiding under his favorite blanket on the couch, zapping through channels in a desperate attempt to distract himself from his thoughts. When nothing could hold his attention for long, though, he briefly entertained the idea of crashing the wedding, holding on to the tiniest sliver of hope that she might want to be with him. He knew when and where it was held, thanks to the invitation on Heather’s fridge. He figured she must be close to Eret, or she was invited by extension of Eret’s buddy Dagur.

But crashing a wedding – that was stupid, wasn’t it? He’d make such a fool of himself and an entire wedding mob would scream at him, Dagur would grab him and take him to some secluded place where he could murder him or beat him up for Eret to do the rest. He might make Astrid uncomfortable; he respected her feelings and didn’t want to force anything onto her. But if she chose him…

He pondered back and forth for the entirety of some blockbuster movie on TV that he didn’t even register. Shortly after the credits started rolling and it cut to ads, he jumped up and rummaged around his boxes. His tie had to be somewhere.

But then he stopped himself, realizing he was being selfish. Astrid had already made her decision. He had no right to challenge that, especially not on her wedding day. He respected her feelings so he had to respect her decisions as well, no matter if he came out holding nothing.

No, crashing her wedding, only to be thrown out and resented by Astrid for the rest of his life, wasn’t an option. He had to get to grips with that.

But with every passing day, every week that ended, every hour, minute, second that went by, the wedding date came closer. And with that, it hurt more and more.

It was like a raging fire burning a hole inside him, licking at his insides, at his heart, at the spots where that first bolt of lightning had struck him. Every thought of her saying yes to Eret was like salt and acid to the wound.

All of it, it scared him, because it was so intense. Because he didn’t know why. Because he had no idea what he could possibly do against it.

And the fire burned brighter.

[twinkletoes-rp]

6, 7, 19, 20, 30, 31, 32, 39, 40, 41, 43, 44, 45, 51 (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:・ﾟ✧

Fanfiction Questions meme

6. List your OTP from each fandom you’ve been involved in.

Oh, geez... I’ve been involved in so many fandoms, LOL. I don’t really know if I can/should name them all. I’ll give you the ones (ONLY OTPs - doesn’t mean I don’t ship other things, too) I can think of off the top of my head.

Kiba/Hinata (Naruto), Fakir/Ahiru (Princess Tutu), Stiles/Derek (Teen Wolf), Kirito/Lisbeth (Sword Art Online), Harry/Hermione (Harry Potter), Goku/Bulma (Dragon Ball), Yusuke/Botan (Yu Yu Hakusho), Todoroki/Izuku (BNHA), (better!)Bakugo/Uraraka (BNHA), Toph/Aang (ATLA), and Adrien/Marinette (Miraculous Ladybug)!

7. List your NoTPs from each fandom you’ve been in.

(This isn’t meant to be hate on the ships I name! I just don’t ship them, that’s all! Ship and let ship! ;))

Naruto/Sasuke (Naruto), Kirito/Asuna (Sword Art Online), Ron/Hermione (Harry Potter), Harry/Ginny (Harry Potter), Goku/Chichi (Dragon Ball), Yusuke/Keiko (Yu Yu Hakusho), Bakugo/Izuku (BNHA), and Aang/Katara (ATLA).

19. Is there a ship (in your current fandom) which you wished you could get behind, but you just don’t feel them?

I’m not sure I have a ‘current fandom’ since I live for, like, everything at once, but maybe technically Naruto would be it?

In that case (again, no offense to anyone - and removing the ‘I wish I could get behind’ part ‘cause I do not), NaruSasu. I just...don’t get it? At all? Maybe it’s the ‘what could have been’s or whatever, but when you just take the series at face value, that relationship is...really icky, at least to me, and that’s putting it lightly. It’s so damn unhealthy, especially for poor Naruto. They were never even friends, Sasuke always treated him like shit, and yet...?! *throws hands at half+ of OG series and virtually all of Shippuden* IDK, man. Something’s weird there, and I don’t like it. Can’t support that. Naruto deserves better, damn it. (*casually links her Naruto AU fic where he DOES get better (in more ways than one), TYVM*)

20. Any ships (in your current fandom) which you surprised yourself by liking?

Going with Naruto again, so. Hmm... I guess maybe Kankuro/Tenten? I didn’t even know that was a ship until a friend showed me a really good fic, and I was hooked! lol.

Another might be KakaObi, but only in AUs where Obito survives the cave in and gets out with Kakashi and Rin and recovers, continuing to be the sweetheart he is instead of the ass he turned out to be in canon. Because he, too, deserved better, damn it!

Another is one I might have made up, not sure (mostly in the context of my Naruto AU, NGL), lol: Karin/Shikamaru! It makes sense and there are lots of compelling reasons when you break it down! You know, 'cause Shikamaru would need (or probs at least prefer) someone on his smarts level, and she's a genius, too, just in a different way. And once she mellows out, Karin's really cool, and (in my AU) she grows to eventually adore Naruto (actually fights to defend/protect him in the Pein arc!), and anyone who loves Naruto is good in Shikamaru's book! lol. Plus, she can tell him when he has his genius brain twisted in too many directions, tell him he's being an idiot and help him figure things out in her different way. lol. IDK, I like it!

30. What inspires you to write?

I just...love writing?? I’ve wanted to be an author since I was 8-9 years old, started writing when I was 11, and I’ve been writing ever since! I’m 27 now! I’ve had a few dry spells, ofc, but I always end up coming back! I just feel like writing is in my blood (partly because, I like to joke, my last name is the title of one of Shakespeare’s plays, haha)!

Pretty much anything can inspire me to write, though. I’ll see a pretty flower and be like “OOH, that flower could feature perfectly in this chapter in this way!” and then write 1k about that! lol. Or I could read a review of one of my new chapters and end up thinking of something I’d never considered before and then write almost 3k on that alone (looking at you, middle section of Ch 6 of my Naruto AU, lol)!

Basically, if it sparks joy, I’m gonna write something! X’D

31. What’s the nicest thing someone has ever said about your writing?

Nicest?? Hmm... I mean, I’ve had a lot of things said about my writing... Not sure I can really narrow it down? lol.

I guess the nicest things I’ve ever been told are when I make people cry (espec multiple times!) and actually feel the emotions the characters are feeling, that the characters and their development feel so real that it’s like they’re real people instead of fictional/they’re written so much better than the creator himself wrote them. (Been getting those a lot on my Naruto AU, actually. lol.)

32. Do you listen to music when you write or does music inspire you? If so, which band or genre of music does it for you?

I tend to prefer silence while I write, but sometimes, my house is loud and people keep breaking my concentration (house of 5, lots of animals, not the quietest, lol), I sometimes listen to music. I usually prefer instrumental, and then usually Naruto or Wolf’s Rain (sometimes Princess Tutu, too) instrumental tracks. The Naruto one I like best also has rain sounds mixed in, which is great because I love the sound of rain! Woo! (Here’s a link to that one if anyone else wants in on this! ;))

39. What is your greatest strength as a writer?

Emotions and getting into the nitty-gritty stuff therein. As an extremely visual, emotional writer, I’ve always been able to feel the emotions of the characters pretty much exactly how they’re feeling it in the moment and then put it on paper. I also make people cry a lot with my writing and get them to feel what the characters do, so that’s awesome! It’s always my goal to get my readers to feel things because then I feel like they’ve really connected with the story and characters I’ve written!

40. What do you struggle the most with in your writing?

Transitions are dicks. Sometimes I struggle ‘cause it’s been, like, two seconds or five hours, and I don’t know how to show that, lol. If I can, espec with the last one, I just fade to black. lol.

Also, sometimes I feel like I use the same sentence structure a lot, mostly the ‘..., but...’ format (at least lately). It’s really annoying, and I worry my readers notice and get annoyed/think I suck because of it. lol.

41. List and link to 5 fanfics you are currently reading:

“All the ways I say ‘I love you’” by Leonardo_Charles_BlueWood_21 (Fandom: Ninjago)

“Paradise Lost” by AnchoredTether (Fandom: Voltron Legendary Defender (Zootopia-esque dark AU))

“where my armor ends” by dalniente (Fandom: She-Ra Princesses of Power)

“of cats and curses” by faerialchemist (Fandom: She-Ra Princesses of Power x Fruits Basket crossover)

“Mischief is its Own Reward” by dalniente (Fandom: Megamind)

43. Is there anyone in your fandom who really inspires you?

I don’t really read Naruto fanfic too much anymore, so like...I guess, technically, another main fandom of mine right now is Fruits Basket, so: without a doubt, @kyosohmastan ! They’re my absolute favorite Fruits Basket fanfic author! Everyone’s so in character, the writing is so sweet and feelsy, steamy when it needs to be, and I really love the writing itself - it’s just so well done and beautiful and I die happily when they post a new fic or chapter? Ahhh! Plus, they’re just so nice and talented in so many ways, we have the same opinions on certain things (like Kakeru Manabe is Too Much(TM) for us, haha, no offense to those who like him! lol.), and I just really, really feel blessed to know and read their fics! Love them so! <3

44. What ship do you feel needs more attention?

I’m not sure which ship this is talking about? Hmm... But a ship I definitely think (have always thought) needs more attention is Kirito/Lisbeth from Sword Art Online! It’s so slept on, and that is a damn fucking shame because they’re so healthy and sweet and have so much more amazing potential than they’re given credit for (way freaking more than the actual canon couple, just sayin’, no offense to anyone who likes the pairing)! I have written a good few metas (and a fanfic) on the subject (some/most of which are on my Lisbeth RP blog, actually, lol)! If anyone wants to discuss/RP/anything involving this ship, please let me know! Would love it!

45. What is your all time favourite fanfic?

I’m not sure I have a favorite fic. But one that I always come back to (all of her (mostly G1) My Little Pony fics, actually - first found them when I was, like, 12, and have kept rereading over and over through the years, haha) is A Mother in Her Eyes by LoveLikeElena on FFN. It takes place in the author’s own MLP universe, but I love said universe so much, and her takes on the characters are amazing and so sweet! I love her look at the serious subjects that follow the characters through her ongong MLP series! <3

51. Rant or Gush about one thing you love or hate in the world of fanfiction! Go!

Fanfic readers have become really, really lazy. No one reviews anymore, maybe leave a kudos here and there if you’re lucky (I have a major love-hate (more hate) relationship with kudos...), and it’s so, so, so discouraging to us writers! I wish they knew how it felt, to be honest, espec the ones you know are reading, but just...don’t comment. It’s ridiculously disheartening to work so hard on something for days, weeks, even months or years on something, only to get basically nothing in return. It’s like posting into the void, and it sucks ass. It’s part of what made me quit writing for a good few years, actually, and I’m so sad to see that it’s still a thing. I comment on everything I read because I know how it feels and how much it hurt! It hurts like hell, especially because I remember how it used to be just 6-8 years ago when everyone commented! I desperately pray the fanfic/content consuming world fixes that really soon or we might lose some really amazing writers! Please, even an emoji or keyboard smash! I don’t care, I’ll take anything (and I know I’m not the only one)! <3

[kuchenackerman]

EREMIKA POLL RESULTS

The poll was opened on January 6th, 2019 and closed on January 13th, 2019. It got a total of 403 responses and the main focus was to explore the shipper’s thoughts and feelings, especially after Chapter 112.

It consisted of five sections:

General questions

On chapter 112 and current feels

On eremika content

Content creators

General demographics

I’ll present the results’ interpretation by section and in almost the same order the questions were asked to make all the information a bit easier to follow. This way if you aren’t interested in one of the sections you can just scroll down until you see the title of the next one. I recommend using the shortcut CTRL+F to look up for the section results you’re more eager to read or to just jump to general result key words faster.

I want to thank Selena and Heidi again for proofreading the poll back then and suggesting some questions. Big thanks to EVERYONE who participated and took their time to write their thoughts down ❤  

Most of the respondents answers will be shared, and I mean “most” since I had to group up similar worded replies. For example, short answers like “chapter 50”, “ch 50”, “in manga chapter 50” got summed up. However, even if I tried to summarize things, there were too many answers that I’ll be sharing with you all anyway.

I apologize in advance for any grammar mistake or error in the presentation of the info. This turned out longer and required more time than I thought it would. Besides I’m tired and I don’t have as much free time as before.

I hope you enjoy digging in the results of the EM focused poll~

1. GENERAL QUESTIONS

1.1) Regarding when did the respondents started to ship Eren and Mikasa, over 65% of them does since 2013-2014 (35.2%) or 2017-2018 (30%), concurring with the years when we got Season 1 and Season 2 of the anime, respectively. Then, 24% of the respondents said to ship it since 2015-2016. About 11% of the respondents started liking the pairing before we even got the anime adaptation: 5.5% since 2011-2012 and 5.2% since 2009-2010.

1.2) Eremika is the main SnK ship of 66.5% of the total respondents. 12% (33 responses) of that 66.5% have other OTPs besides Eren and Mikasa. More than half of these shippers (19 of 33) support another hetero pairing as well.

1.3) When it comes to the people that don’t consider EM as their main ship, over 50% of them have another hetero ship as their main. Around 30% have a M/M ship as main, almost 10% a F/F ship and 6% an OT3 / trio.

1.4) Almost 70% of the respondents started shipping Eren and Mikasa while watching the anime. Besides the manga (27.3%), some of the shippers started liking the pairing because of fanart (including a “rather steamy NSFW” one, lol), fanfiction or because of some people in the fandom, like someone they follow that influenced their shipping feels or because of an enthusiastic friend.

1.5) 65% of the total respondents has NEVER stopped shipping eremika (y’all good), while 35% has stopped doing so at some point only to jump back on the ship again (I declare myself guilty of this, I’m a damn traitor), though a small part of that 35% never really jumped back on it and just drowned in the waters of their full betrayal.

1.6) On which character of the ship is their favorite, more than half of the respondents prefer Mikasa over Eren, who got 18.4% of the votes. 28.5% like both characters equally.

1.7) On canon looks of the characters:

The thirst for manbun Eren won this time and got a bit more than 37% of the votes. Our traditional short-haired Eren follows with 22%. There’s a tie between hobo Eren and middle-short haired (?) Eren at 12.4%. Almost 16% of the respondents don’t have a preferred look for our boy.

In Mikasa’s case, the responses were more even between all her looks. There’s a tie in first place with 22.6% of the votes between ponytail Mikasa and traditional bob Mikasa. Short-haired Mikasa and long-haired Mikasa got 21.3% and 20% respectively. 13% of the respondents couldn’t choose a specific look for her as their preferred one.

1.8) Now, time to share the shippers’ answers and the results about the specific moment of the manga or anime that sold eremika to them. There was a total of 289 written responses to the question. I tried to organize them in quantity of mentions of certain scenes or chapter/episodes. Some replies mentioned more than one moment.

The first place was taken by S2 Episode 12 / Chapter 50 from the Clash of Titans arc, since about a hundred people mentioned it as the moment where they started shipping Eren and Mikasa.

Trost Arc got second, third and fourth place: S1 Episode 6 / Chapter 6 got almost eighty mentions, while S1 Episode 8 got around fifty mentions and S1 Episode 7, with a bit more than twenty mentions.

Eight times people mentioned they started shipping EM since they were introduced in S1 Episode 1/ Chapter 1. Some don’t identify a specific moment but talk about their appreciation toward their general relationship, dynamic or scenes together.

S1 Episode 14 / Manga Chapter 19 trial scene got mentioned about seven times.

The final episode of season one got mentioned five times.

S1 Episode 12 / Manga Chapter 13 and Chapter 51 got both mentioned at least four times.

[ Answers to 1.8 ]

~ S1 Episode 1 / Manga Chapter 1

Literally the first scene Eren dreaming abt Mikasa with that scarf and asking why her hair got longer and when he gave the scarf to her

Her tossing his ass into the side of a building, spilling the firewood everywhere

When Mikasa threw Eren against the wall in episode 1 season 1

In the first op when they're surrounded by dead comrades and mikasa looks at eren. The shipping feels started. The scarf scene (entire backstory of Mikasa and Eren's meet strengthened my feels)

Mikasa taking care of him since day 1

~ Unspecified

No specific moment. I just knew they were meant to be together from everything they did!

I don't remember exactly. It just felt naturally that they have to be together.

The very first time their dynamic was truly shown. It's so rare and interesting to see a het pairing where the girl is the cool, stoic protector and the guy is the reckless but good-hearted damsel in distress!

It grew on me over time - they just seem to both really care for and look out for each other.

All eremika scenes 💕💕💕

Idk....it just kinda happened.

"Ereh"

No specific scene, it was just that her desperation wore me down over time

just their bond and dependence on each other through hard times and how resilient their unspoken trust and faith in one another is

Tbh I was originally an Ereannie shipper and don’t really pay too much attention to other characters at least in that aspect of going to ship them but after rewatching the anime series for who knows how many times I came to realize that Eren and Mikasa were just a ship that I can’t deny in which I think it’s only natural for them to be together.

I had watched all of season 1 without focusing on shipping. It wasn’t until I reflected later on and rewatched that I started shipping Eremika very much <3

~ S1 Episode 6 / Manga Chapter 6

When for the first time they slain evil, love at first kill.

The World the Girl Saw! I had this inkling feeling that I was going to ship them ever since the beginning, but this really did it for me.

Eren saving Mikasa from kidnappers / Mikasa losing her parents / Eren wrapping his scarf on Mikasa

I think it was the scene in the anime (as I watched the anime before reading the manga) when Eren wrapped his scarf around Mikasa and her face softens because of his kindness to her.

Episode 6 of the anime, when we got the backstory of Mikasa, but also, while reading the manga chapter 50 killed me.

Episode 6 of the anime; the scarf scene melted my heart

When Eren saved Mikasa from the thugs and told her to fight. Also the scarf scene really got me.

Episode 6 of the anime when Eren wrapped his scarf around Mikasa sealed the deal for me. ❤

The chapter/episode show Mikasa's past and especially when Eren pull Mikasa's hand while blushing, I knew that my whole life is for these two.

Their first meeting. It left an impression on me.

Mikasa's memory of Eren wrapping the scarf around her and grabbing her hand. Mikasa looked so grateful and happy in that moment.

Mikasa's tragic backstory and being saved by Eren who then gave her the scarf. And the moment she finds out he's still alive inside the attack titan and cries while hugging him.

Eren saving her when he didn't have to. (Kidnappers)

Episode 6 - when Eren wrapped the scarf around Mikasa when they were kids. It made me realize how strong Mikasa's feelings were for Eren, and how their bond was sealed the moment he gave her the scarf.

Mikasa's backstory episode earlier in Season 1. It only took that scene to validate me the fact that these two are meant to be always together. Call it string of fate or whatever. She is attached to the boy that saved her life. Chapter 50 of the manga also further validated my point.

The moment Eren gave Mikasa his scarf. It's a heartwarming moment as it gives Mikasa new hope to live and a home together with Eren.

I fell in love with Eremika the first moment I saw them when Mikasa was staring at sleeping Eren in the first episode, but I started shipping them when Eren wrapped the scarf around Mikasa and gave her a home. And one of my favorite scenes if not my favorite is when Mikasa started crying when she heard Eren’s heartbeat in S1E8 after he came out of his Titan form the first time. God that’s a lot to say :D

Since retrospection of their adventure in stabbin cabin

The moment I found out they are not blood related

Scarf scene (bet everyone's gonna put that though) but also their constant care and concern for each other throughout the series

I started watching the anime before fully reading the manga. I always thought Eren and Mikasa would be cute together from episode one. I didn’t really have a reason I felt that way, it was more of an instinct. However I didn’t fully ship them until Mikasa’s backstory in episode 6. I enjoy how their relationship is “tough love” instead of a in-your-face sap show. They just belong together. Their relationship matches the world they are in, and I always had a thing for ships that take a long time to come together. The end result is more satisfying.

Seeing their backstory of how they met because before reading/watching I saw people saying they were siblings. But that's not actually true so it expelled my worries about the ship.

When Eren wrapped his scarf to Mikasa and said "let's go home…"  

When eren saved mikasa as kids and also the end scene of season 1 when eren picks up the scarf and says "that thing has seen it's best days, ill just get you a new one" and mikasa is like but it's special :c

“As long as you’re alive I can do anything” scene after her back story

~ S1 Episode 7 / Manga Chapter

Ep 7 of season 1 where Mikasa is about to get grabbed by a titan and in her last moments she thinks of Eren, and she's just like "If I die, I won't be able to remember your face". And decides if she goes down, she's gonna go down fighting, the way she knows Eren would want her too. ;_;

Scarf scene. Also when Mikasa remembers smiling down at a sleeping Eren and regains the will to fight, then Eren's titan shows up and protects her

First Attack Titan appearance and Eren saving Mikasa

when titan!eren came to smash the titan as mikasa was about to stand for herself after her pomegranate speech

When Mikasa thought Eren had died, and her reaction to that, that's when I REALLY started to ship them.

This is too difficult to answer lol. But if I choose one scene that charmed my heart with them it's would be that scene in ep.7 (s1) when Mikasa gave up to live. She remembered the words that Eren said to her in the past to keep fighting! TATAKAE! and the emotion that trigger in her the streght to protect the last memories that she had of him... MAN, I always get goosebumps at remember her speech! "If I die, your memories will die with me, that why I will fight! No matter what! I will live!"

Mikasa's being suicidal and hopeless after Eren's supposed death at the Battle of Trost District made me realize how much Eren means to Mikasa, and so I was sold on this ship.

ep 7, "I'll never give up again. If I died, I won't be able to remember you"

The episode where Eren dies and it flashes to Mikasa thinking about him, I knew I shipped them. I was a bit concerned because the anime wasn't clear on their relationship if they were brother or sister at that point, but the next episode was Mikasa's backstory and I knew it was safe to ship them!!

pomegranate scene was just too good :')

CH7, related to CH6, but seeing her find her resolve so quickly after losing him was sobering. I interpret this moment as a big precursor to CH50, but that's another moment

When Mikasa decides to live, because if she died she would not be able to remember Eren. And also when she sees that Eren is alive and runs to and embrace he.

~ S1 Episode 8 / Manga Chapter

In the anime when Eren emerged from the titan form and Mikasa ran to see it's Eren.

When mikasa cried holding eren after his first transformation as a titan

When Mikasa found out Eren was alive in trost

It wasn’t anyone thing. It was a lot of moments, but mostly the scene where Eren is revealed to be a titan shifter and Mikasa holds on to him and cries. That or the reveal of their backstory. Mikasa's clinginess suddenly made a lot of sense.

Mikasa being openly emotional for the first time while embracing Eren in ep 8

Definitely the scene where Eren comes out of the nape of his titan and Mikasa sees him.

The moment when Mikasa clutches Eren and tries to hear his heartbeat after they see him emerging from his Titan the first time. And when Eren defends Mikasa from the cannon and then at his trial, that's when it changed from one-sided to full-on Eremika for me.

Episode 8 of Season 1 when Mikasa found out Eren was still alive and started crying

Episode 8 Mikasa crying whilst hugging Eren after he comes out of his titan form. Chapter 50. Chapter 51 Eren worrying about Mikasa and apologising.

When Eren appeared for the first time out of his Titan form and Mikasa run to him, when she started crying while listening his heart beat I was sold.

EPISODE EIGHT "I CAN HEAR HIS HEARTBEAT" MOMENT

"I can hear his heartbeat"...I cried when Mikasa ran to hug him and heard his heart beat, and then cried and cried. Like...she's so strong and brave all the time - that really hit me. You could feel the amount of love she has for him. Either that one or the scarf scene where Eren wrapped his scarf around her and welcomed her into his family!

Hugging eren when he first emerged from the attack titan

when she found out he was alive again and started crying

when eren appeared out of the titan and mikasa hugged him

I first bit when Eren wrapped the scarf but they reeled me in when Mikasa finds out he wasn't really dead and first comes out of his titan

Cap 8 anime, Eren sale del titan y Mikasa corre hacia él y lo abraza y llora

The manga equivalent of episode 8. Forgive me I can’t remember chapter numbers for the life of me.

When Mikasa ran to Eren after he first emerged from his Titan corpse and cried as she embraced him.

I think I've always loved the idea of them being together romantically since Eren saved Mikasa as a kid. However, the scene of Eren first coming out of his titan and Mikasa holding him while crying will forever be a highlight from the show/manga that I won't forget.

when Eren comes back to life in season 1 & Mikasa sobs while clutching him hard against her chest, uncaring about everyone watching/hearing around.

When mikasa started crying after she found out that eren was alive, when she said “If i die, i won’t be able to remember you” and the scene from season 2 episode 12, “I’ll wrap that around you as many times as you want. Now and forever... as much as you want!” that line makes me cry every time.

The scene when Mikasa hugged Eren and cried in relief that he’s alive.

When mikasa hugged eren tightly after he came out of his titan form on episode 8

MIkasa crying into erens chest after she pulls eren out of his tian for the fist time in Trost, season 1, plus the last episode of second season had me bawling on the floor tbh it  was such a great scene

When Mikasa realizes the person emerging from the Attack Titan is Eren, and she immediately goes to him, holds him, and cries.

~ S1 Episode 12 / Manga Chapter 13

When Ian pointed out Mikasa’s feelings about Eren during the Trost battle

When Ian called Eren Mikasa’s boyfriend - and she blushed.

Cliché haha but: when she blushed when Riko said that Eren is her boyfriend I was like ohhhHHHHH girl

~ S1 Episode 14 / Manga Chapter 19

When Eren defended Mikasa during his judgement

The court trail scene where Eren stood up for Mikasa

The scene in the anime in the courtroom where Eren defends Mikasa after the bystanders accuse her of being like him

It was when Eren was at the court house he said it was all his fault and not to blame Mikasa

Either it'd be the scene in chapter 51 or the moment Eren stood up for Mikasa during the court trial back in season 1

~ S2 Episode 12 / Manga Chapter 50

Chapter 50 10000%

the "I'll wrap this scarf around you as many time you need" scene

The anime scene at the end of season 2 where Eden unlocks the power of the coordinate to save mikasa

when she encouraged him right before meeting Dina.

Chapter 50 “I’ll wrap that around you now and forever, as much as you want”

When she confesses while they are surrounded by titans about to die, and then Eren declares “I’ll wrap it around you as many times as i need to-“

Season 2 when Mikasa says thank you.

Cuando Mikasa le da la gracias la Eren por enseñarle a vivir, y colocarle la bunfanda, y él señala que siempre lo hará.

Season 2 almost kiss scene - you know it bro, and her falling asleep by his bed

the scene... "I’ll wrap it around you again, again and again, forever" bruh...

When mikasa talked about how eren saved her and gave her the red scarf.

Had been there for a while but chapter 50 solidified it for me. Mikasa's heartfelt words giving a broken Eren the strength to fight.

Eren saying “ill wrap that scarf around you as many times as you want”

In the chapter 50 of the manga (scene from the SnK S2's finale) when Mikasa confessed her feelings to Eren

Season 2 episode 12, when mikasa confessed to eren, and him promising to her.

Chapter 50 had the best EreMika scene so far because Mikasa really went heart-to-heart about her feelings to Eren (in the anime, we see her leaning in)

When Eren activated the Coordinate for the first time when saving Mikasa.

There was a lot of stuff in the earlier chapters but chapter 50 took the cake

Although their relationship has always been meaningful to me, I first began shipping them romantically after I read the scene where they’re sitting in front of the smiling titan, and Eren promises to wrap her up in her scarf over and over again, before unlocking the power of the coordinate when he contacts the smiling titan.

The scene when Mikasa almost kissed Eren

La escena en la que Mikasa casi besa a Eren y el se levanta y dice: "Te la pondre las veces que quieras" siempre veo esa escena cuando hay tambaleo en el ship

There is too much but I would say chapter 50 (like a lot)

I think that the first one, was the one in chapter 50. I discovered Snk too late, and I fell in love for them since this chapter :)

Chapter 50, Mikasa worrying over the post-experiment Eren in Chapter 54.

Eren and Mikasa second confrontation with the Smiling Titan/Dina's Titan

I think it was THE eremika scene in the manga, aka the infamous chapter 50 scene, but idk anymore

The Eremika shipper's Bible, of course! Ch. 50. Specially when Eren basically says he's always gonna be there for her. Also, when Eren apologizes to her right after the whole thing and she's recovering from her injuries. And that panel when he's thinking about everything's he's lost during their journey to end this for good, but he looks back at her and says "No, not everything" or something along those lines. And when Mikasa is sitting next to him when he's unconcious and Armin leaves and he has this fucking little smile and he just  k n o w s and Mikasa knows he does. Oh, and when Eren, Mikasa, Hanji and Levi finally get in the basement and they're both looking at the things down there together and when they open the book together, their hands barely touching. Oooh, and when Eren tells everyone they're special to him and Mikasa's blushing and looks up to him and kind of smiles and he looks away?? Gold. Oh and of course, Ch.112's cover! The soft and tender look in their eyes while looking at each other is just so painful !! And soft !!

~ Post time-skip. Chapter 101 onwards

I started to ship them when they both blushed at each other in ch. 108

Flashback of Mikasa Chapter 108

Manga 108 when Eren and Mikasa have their own panel and both of them were blushing at each other

I started shipping them a longggggg time ago, but i think it was chapter 108 in the manga, (i think) when Eren says that he cares about them all, but hajime gave Eren and Mikasa those two seperate panels of them blushi,g at eachother. That one really chained my heart to this ship, and i will stay with it whether it sails or sinks.

I started shipping them after post-time skip. There wasn't a specific scene, but rather, both matured and their relationship would be more balanced.

Eren talking to Mikasa in ch 112- it was so obviously a contradiction to their relationship that it actually proved (imo) mutual feelings

The moment in Marley Arc when Eren is looking at her before the WH comes to

I became interested in their romantic dynamic after Mikasa's, "Come home," line in the Marley arc. I'd always loved content with both of them, but I hadn't found their relationship very interesting, so I just hadn't thought about it much. The recent developments have changed that.

Nothing in particular. Maybe when Eren attack Marley and Mikasa looked at him tearful. It’s not romantic but I appreciate the heaping amounts of angst of the ship.

Liberio reunion

~ Other responses

Eren looking up at Mikasa and then transforming into Rogue Titan when fighting Female Titan.

When mikasa tries to save eren from annie

When Mikasa put a blanked over Eren in RTS

Anime episode 13

When mikasa picks up eren

When Mikasa announced that she'd join the scouts with Eren.

they breathed and i was like ‘otp’ joking— the moment eren was out here pushing her away using his forehead and mikasa said ‘please don’t die’ because that scene spoke to me and then the history of them (childhood, eren saving her you know the drill) kicked me and my feelings.

[After a dream]: “It was a straight up fanfic in my sleep. I woke and was like "I guess I ship them now?" I used to not be so into Eremika but since then I've been a bit more accepting of it.”

Either when Eren first turned into a titan and wounded her/left the scar on her cheek or the courtroom scene, most likely the first one

The last episode of season 1, Eren and Mikasa in the room, she holded his hands, I found this scene intense, and started to ship them even more.

The hand hold when Eren was lying on the bed

2. ON CHAPTER 112 AND CURRENT FEELS

2.1) The 403 respondents’ got multiple choices to check that could fit their first thoughts and feels about the alternative cover for Volume 27. 

38.7% of them simply appreciated Mikasa, Armin and Eren being cute in it. 36% called Isayama a bitch, 34% reacted with Queen’s “IS THIS REAL LIFE? IS THIS JUST FANTASY???” because yeah, no one was expecting such a blessed cover, and 33.3% reacted with Backstreet Boys’ “Quit playing games with my heart~” because Isayama loves hurting us all and has probably been plotting to do so since the 90′s. 31.5% of the respondents saw the cover as a shippy exchange between EM, as they considered they’re staring at each other in a flirty way, and 31% checked the keysmash and cry choice... (I understand)

13.2% considered Eren was looking at both Armin and Mikasa, without anything explicitly eremika going on and a bit more than 7% are so dead inside they felt nothing with such a wonderful cover (RIP their miserable souls).

~ Added answers:

Lies

Let them have babies please ;^;

Ehh

I think this cover gave me the strongest dose of Eremika feels ever. I can't look at it without grinning from ear to ear~

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK

It's beautiful. Nothing to freak out about tho.

How dare I get taunted with this blessed image when I know shit's about to go down between the three! 😭

It's so peaceful and beautiful. I wish it happened in the manga.

I have a theory actually for this...

Armin is cute

THIS IS FUCKING CANON.

It is actually the first time I see this cover and it's very cute and nice but after the chapter I can't feel nothing about it. Only hate for Eren and his words.

I can see how it can be interpreted in both ways and if we lean towards eremika then: cute!!!!!!!! so sweet!! but it makes me cry!!

Both Eren and Mikasa sees each other as their most important person in the world

*DIES*

they just look happy and looks like eremika actually canon but isayama try to cover it.

NANI

Mikasa clearly looks super in love with Eren. Eren may be looking at either mikasa or both mikasa & armin. I’m not sure...

My soul left my body.

Id say they're all three looking at one anoth another tbh

I love the Eye to Eye contact of eremika

Must protect

crap i think eremika is dying, BUT I DON'T WANT IT TO DIE, so i hope that this scene was just a build-up for their relationship (otherwise i'm knocking on Isayama's doorstep at 3am)

The hurtful words will save Mikasa's spirit, so Eremika shippers should support Eren's efforts in freeing her.

Is this foreshadowing that Eremika will become canon?

ISAYAMA REALLY GONNA PLAY WITH MY HEART LIKE THAT HUH?

How cute and pure the way Eren look at his Mikasa XD

EREMIKA IS STRONG ON THIS ONE

Poor Armin gets ignored by the two lovey-doveys 😠

You trynna fuck

Armin: okaaay, I will be going...

Indifference

I knew by just seeing that cover that it was gonna hurt lol

I just liked that they were all together just like the old days

OMG are they finally canon? Please isayama sensei make them canon *.*

I thought it was nice but I knew it was ironic.

There’s a dagger hidden under the cover.

2.2) When it comes to analyze the cover in relation to future manga developments, most respondents (47%) see it as a glimpse on Eren's authentic feelings toward his friends, around 39% see it as a symbolic image, 36% see it as a trap meant to make us hurt more after what happened in chapter 112 (we know you, Isayama), 25.6% consider it foreshadowing, 20% a somewhat alternate reality / timeline, almost 19% see it as an utter lie or that Isayama is just trolling, 13.6% only see it as a blessed cute cover and 5.7% think it’s irrelevant story-wise.

~ Added answers:

Im torred between a foreshadow or just a cover…

What it could have been

This isn't teasing or trolling; its Isayama's way of telling us to have hope/showing Eren's feelings.

An ironic and nostalgic cover

A mix of possible 'alternate‘, maybe end-game, but for me mostly a CLUE to something...

Mikasa's hopes for the future

Honestly I don't know what to think after all that happened. But I hope it's foreshadowing toward his true feelings about Mikasa and Armin. Especially Mikasa. Maybe Isayama gave us a hint that Eren loves his friends and so we shouldn't buy all his words.

It's all Eren wants but it's something he'll never have again

how things could be if differences didn't stand in their way

Eren and Mikasa fucking

That was Eren's real feelings, but I believe he is partly hurt by believing that everything Mikasa has ever done for him is because of Ackerman's blood. Eren is also blinded by the idea that he is free and that he can make his own choices without being manipulated by his blood or the personality of someone in his head.

2.3) What was your initial reaction to Chapter 112 regarding all the things Eren said to Mikasa?

In this other multiple choice question, 55.6% of the respondents said they wanted to hug Mikasa so badly after what Eren said to her, 44.7% checked the “Eren: why the fuck you lying, why you always lying?” option, 40% wanted to punch Eren so hard and felt so proud when Armin did it, 37.7% were shocked, almost 29% called it bullshit / laughed / pfft-ed at Eren’s “I’ve always hated you”, around 25% just reacted with an “Eren, pls”, 22% were just as heartbroken as Mikasa and cried their eyeballs out, almost 13% have been crying ever since so not very “initial reaction” only, 11.4% checked the “Chapter 112? I don’t know her” option and 9.4% checked the “Uhh.. I didn't feel much because everything was too odd...” option.

~ Added answers:

I WAS SOMEHOW SATISFIED WITH IT BC I SUCKS FOR ANGST EREMIKA

I was kinda thrown off guard for a sec there when I first saw the conversation between them but then I think abt how this could actually leads to a better development in both Eren’s and Miaksa’s characters (romantically) I mean their feelings for each other have been a constant which I think this would hopefully trigger something between them.  

Eren is lying

Shocked at first, but I think it's an interesting development.

I laughed

I actually felt encouraged! No way it was true, Eren was obviously lying/being controlled.

Immediately knew that Eren was only doing this to protect Mikasa

Carla, your son's gone rogue again...

Was angry and felt Mikasa should‘ve retorted back aggressively. But honestly, I‘m more intrigued by his words.

I want to go there and kidnap Mikasa immediately, then Eren gonna suffer til the rest of his life

Cried multiple times bc of it.

I tought that his words couldn't be true

the first real step between Mikasa's and Eren's romantic relationship

Eren is cancelled

Enjoyed the drama and didnt get sad over it. Since it happened so suddenly it took me by surprise and the conversation was nothing like what I expected it to be. Barely a glimpse of emotion from Eren and Armin being the one to start a fight? I was dumbfounded.

It feels like a huge giant misunderstanding and Eren sucks with words. I can't believe Isayama builded the deep of their relationship just to end into this bs. If everything is going to end badly for Eren and Mikasa then Isayama doesn't know how to write.

I feel all of that

Had a bad feeling something like this would happen so I wasn't horribly shocked

I actually love it, mainly for the angst. Love the drama, love the feels n im such a sucker for angst lol

Eren seems to at least partly mean what he said, but maybe not as strongly as he said it. I also think he’s being influenced by memories/zeke/wht so I’m not too concerned.

Sad

I already know that's not the same Eren so I was just shocked by his wording more or less but that's it.

It needed to be said

I enjoyed it

I was expecting Eren to have a moment like this, tbh. Not because I believe he really hates either of them, but because he is clearly spiraling and isolating himself.

fight between mikasa and eren similar to sasuke and Naruto

eren can do no wrong in my eyes so idk

Conflicted. What he said was hurtful but I also felt like it wasn’t completely untrue. Mikasa has been having major doubts recently and this thing in Eren she won’t face. The Ackerman instincts don’t have comelktely grip over her but they do contribute majorly to a lot of things. It’s awful but at the same time I feel like if it was all nonsense then why did it trigger those memories and why did Mikasa just keep shrinking into herself. Mikasa doesn’t shrink away from things.

OMG, Eremika has become so exciting, dramatic and awesome!

I think I kind of expected the outburst

There is no way he hates her really

I was glad Armin punched him and I hated Eren more than I ever have before.

2.4) "You only cling to me because of your instincts as an Ackerman." If he truly believes the information he got and said about the Ackermans, could Eren be hurt because he thinks his relationship with Mikasa was never authentic?

Around 69% ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) of the people think Eren is indeed hurt or that there’s a possibility of him being hurt because of what he nowadays thinks (?) is the true nature of his relationship with Mikasa. The rest of the respondents have really no idea what to think about it or just plainly discard Eren hurting because of Mikasa and her cursed Ackerinstincts. 

2.5) From 1 being "influenced by the Ackerbond" to 5 being "of her own", how do you see Mikasa's feelings for Eren?

Most of the respondents (over 77%) think her feelings are mostly determined by her own person and not the Ackerbond. Only 6.7% consider Mikasa’s feelings are fully or very influenced by the Ackerbond and 16.1% think there’s a 50/50 situation.

2.6) Around 160 people decided to share their thoughts in relation to what happened in chapter 112, focusing on Eren and Mikasa of course:

Even if he won’t admit it, I think Eren still cares/loves Mikasa. His eyes seem tired and dead, but I noticed that they glimmered differently right before he told Mikasa he always hated her, and then they changed again when Armin asked if hurting Mikasa is the “freedom” he sought/had. If there is one thing that hasn’t changed about Eren, it’s his inability to hide what he truly feels. It’s obvious that he’s upset and perhaps feels betrayed, but i definitely think he still cares.

Yeah I believe the Ackerman stuff influences it *a little bit*. But her emotions are mainly real and she truly does care for Eren.

Eren deserves a good Ackerpunch to be honest.

Mikasa needs to realise that all her feelings are her own, and Eren needs to know, too.

His facial expression through the whole confrontation was CONFUSING like you can't tell if he is ANGRY or if  he is  HURT or if he really just have genuine hatred  toward his old friends? Like I am confused about his facially expression when Armin  told him "does freedom means hurting mikasa feelings" his expression was completely different than the rest of the panels. His expression had more emotion for some reason.

I hope that people didn’t forget abt the scene where Mikasa punched Eren in the face when he was being mean and venting off his anger towards Armin when the were at the refugee camp after the fall of Shiganshina.

Look at his face: this poor boy is as broken as us. There's a reason behind his actions.

I'm sure eren want mikasa to get away from him in order to keep her safe, this was the only way to broke the acker spell

I think Eren was rejecting Mikasa to free her from the ackerbond. I wrote an analysis about eremika due to ch.112 incidents here : https://nhamstory.tumblr.com/post/181741856688/eren-and-mikasa-relationship-from-now-onwards

I hope Mikasa leaves his ass

I don’t think she’ll give up on him easily, but I think she needs to let go, for her own well-being

Eren is only partly right. Mikasa's instinct to always be near him and protect him (incidentally the things that irritated him) come from the Ackerbond impulses. Her life and affection for him are her own. Eren obviously doesn't hate Mikasa and he wouldn't treat her this way without a very good reason. They both have genuine care for each other.

Eren is a bitch and Mikasa didn’t deserve that bullshit

I think Eren is genuinely mad (his morals and arguments consistent with his character from the very start) and, if anything, is deeply wounded. I wouldn’t be surprised if those emotions inspired him to act out, even though it’s wrong. He also has 3 titans inside of him, so I’m sure his brain is super jumbled and loud.

Its interesting how Eren never hurt Armin until the Yaegerists entered the room...

I think the Ackerbond brought them together but they stayed together for love

Mikasa deserves the world. Eren

I really don't believe a happy ending is in store for them, but I want to be wrong so badly. My biggest fear is that Mikasa will have to be the one to bring Eren down, or that the Ackerbond is exactly as Eren says.

i really hope that when he said that he hated mikasa that it was all a lie

It is just really confusing.

Eren still cares about Mikasa. It wouldn't be like Isayama to just pull a complete 180 out of the blue like that and not have a reason for it. I remember he said a while back that the thought of Mikasa having nothing else to cling to but Eren was sad and that she'll have to grow apart from him in order to get development, which I believe will happen soon. That doesn't mean that she can't still be happy with him though, so I'm sure this conflict will be resolved in some way near the end.

I think that Eren doesn't hate her but wants to make her free from her ackerbond. He would like to see her real self.

It's weird, but I think the extra attention Isa gave to Eren and Mikasa's relationship is actually a good thing, despite the negative context. As readers we're supposed to obviously know that Eren allegedly hating her is a white lie. Could he harbor resentment for a particular aspect of her character? Maybe. But it's already been blatant that he truly cared about her. I don't know if we're headed towards a tragic or satisfying ending from a shippers perspective, but I do believe that it indicates that we will get some sort of mutual acknowledgement of their real relationship. For starters though, we really need Isa to tell us what the hell's going on inside Eren's head.

I believe we need to get more info about Eren’s thoughts and intentions before assuming anything either good or bad about Eremika for now

We just need to wait for more chapters everyone. I still have faith💜✨💕 No one should go berserk or riot, not even later.💖✨🌅

"Only know you love her when you let her go", Eren gonna suffer because of this, one day.

THEY BETTER FIX THIS

I pity Eren for not being able to tell the truth about his feelings. It must hurt him to hurt Mikasa.

I hoping that the theory about eren being controlled by the will of the attack Titan is true and chapter 112 eren wasn't really "our" eren. Also, eren never hated Mikasa. The will of the attackTitan hates Mikasa. It even tried to kill her way back in season 1 while eren's consciousness was trapped in some fantasy where his parents were alive and he even saw Mikasa in it. If Mikasa can be so dear to him that she becomes an element of fantasy of security and family, then I'm sure our Eren never hated mikasa. So yeah. I'm hoping our Eren is still in there somewhere and will regain control of his consciousness and thus EMA will be a family again. Hoping. Fingers crossed.

There's a river called the Nile, I am in denial! (About what happened in chapter 112)

Eren doesn't hate Mikasa at all. Look at the court scene in chapter 19 when Eren defends her when they accuse her of being a monster and threatened to dissect her. Chapter 50 when he promises to wrap her up in her scarf again and again forever. As well as chapter 51 when Eren looks concerned as Mikasa lies down with broken ribs.

fuck you eren fuck youeren

That scene just hurt too much

Their relationship didn't ruined

I hate Eren now, though I really liked him very much before time skip. I don't know what I want more now: all of it to be a mistake/some cunning plan of Eren to save friends or I want Mikasa to be free from the feelings for this bastard and be happy on her own, without need to always protect and care about this stupid child Eren. Maybe still I like the first option more.

Yeah I have a thought. IM A MASOCHISTIC IDIOT TO STILL FOLLOW THIS MANGA.

Sinceramente no creo que esto sea el final entre ellos, sino que es un preludio para que en un futuro cercano Eren se de cuenta de lo importante y de lo que tanto ama a Mikasa.

Mikasa will realize that she truly love Eren in a romantic way

I honestly think that their relationship is not going to end like this. I have a strong feeling that Isayama is going to make everything work out in the end for Eren and Mikasa, slowly but surely.

Chapter was powerful, yes, it hurt my shipper emotion, but powerful hands down. Isayama is genius.

Eren is cancelled

I think Eren has a goal in alienating his friends like this, he isn't just 100% apathetic toward them all of a sudden. He might be trying to keep them out of something BIG that's going to happen soon. Maybe his entire plan with Zeke is doomed to failure but for a greater goal, and he wants to keep them away from the losing side?

eren and mikasa’s bond is the only beautiful thing in this cruel world sO PLS STOP YOU GUYS DONT BE LIKE THIS 😭

Not need, but Eren is such a hoe. But I love him.. But he's still a bitch.. But I lo-

Eren is controlled by others so I believe he is kinda lying. He love Mikasa and Armin so much but now he has to hide it

Mikasa  should move on

Et tu Isayama

PLEASE ISAYAMA! AT LEAST DONT MAKE MY BABIES HATE EACH OTHER, EVEN IF EREMIKA NEVER BECOME CANON, LET THEM BE HAPPY WITH EACH OTHER, DON'T MAKE THEM ENEMIES!

"stop being a bitch, eren." -- armin.

I mean what else would I have expected from this depressing af series

They still love each other regardless of what Eren says and how hurt Mikasa is. They're bond is too strong to be broken and thrown under the rug after 1 chapter.

Bless Armin for standing up for my girl.

2019 is our year, guys. Just wait.

Wouldn't be satisfied if they reconcile without Eren heavily kissing Mikasa ass tbh.

He seems hurt by the thought of hurting her.

The attack titan "always pushes forward" plus he's probably seen things via the paths hense Krugers whopping out the EMA

why you can't just be honest with each other guys? honesty is one of the important things in realationship

I have no idea what Eren's true objective is and I really want to know WHY he'd do that to his best friends. I mean I'm hella biased so I'll still be on his side even if it turns out he had no real excuse but...

I just wonder if he said that for mikasas own good,so she could have a life apart from him.

When Eren said that he hated Mikasa and was 'bullying' Armin around, I think he was really just lying to keep them away from him and not hurt them as a consequence of his future actions. I remember in a chapter where the new Levi Squad were building train tracks and Eren saying he cared about all of them. I bring this up because I truly believe that he still sticks to his words from that day, and is trying to push them away including Mikasa so they don't get killed like Sasha did.

Eren is playing 4D chess. Doesn't mean it doesn't hurt though.

we need another eren flashback okay

It was a (good) highly emotional chapter

Mikasa’s ackergene may have activated because of Eren, but she fell in love when he wrapped the scarf around her and extended friendship to her. Her love is true. Eren is just cray cray right now because he is influenced by memories/has spotty information.

I just want Eren to get hurt back by Mikasa herself

Eren truly is shocked from hurting Mikasa, he doesn't enjoy what he is doing.

Still wondering what is really going on in Eren's mind and his plan

Eren just want to keep safe her

per question above: Mikasa had protective feelings for him before he was a Titan which would still influence her feelings in the present, so I feel they have a genuine bond that's developed.

Isayama is just trying to make us hate Eren, and he knew this would hurt like a bitch! I have faith in our boi

It's pretty clear the truth isn't being spoken by Eren

It was both shocked and saddened to see them falling apart.

Mikasa is a strong character with potential. At this point I only want her to develop into the best strong girl boss she can be. As her own person with or without Eren.

I want to punch eren in the fucking face i want to dress him up like a cabbage and feed him to the snails

"Eren don’t you ever make my baby cry ever again or else

Mikasa is a little bit obsessed with Eren, so I understand why Eren used such cruel words, because they would get through her tick skull.

I think he lied to them (or at least told them half-truths), for what purpose I do not know. But if he really meant it he wouldn't look so hurt in that panel where Armin called him on his bullshit. Plus, I believe that if really believed in what he said, it would make his character irredeemable, and I don't think Isayama would ever do that (but that's just a guess though).

Sad babes

I feel like in this chapter that Eren is protecting Mikasa so she doesn't have to get hurt and Eren have to do that and I feel that Eren doesn't really mean all of that.

he’s definitely doing this to protect his friends

Fuck Eren in this chapter, but fuck Zeke more.

At this point Mikasa deserves better

I no longer ship them because Mikasa deserves so much better after everything she’s done to care for him. His words were too horrible, and therefore, they can never be a dignified ship again :(

Please wake up, Mikasa.

I await for a good Mikasa development arc and a tender Eremika and EMA reunion.

I want them to be back together again

They have'nt chemistry and common things.

It was cute and predictable

"just kiss already you two!" lol 1/2 jk

Eren is acting way too controversial recently. What he said isn't really what he truly feels, in my opinion.

I think, even though there was still emotional devastation on my part because of Mikasa and Armin’s reactions, it took a long time for me to evaluate the possibility that these were actually Eren’s words, since the whole thing was so bizarre and the degree to which he’s being controlled still hasn’t been clarified. I still believe that Zeke or Kruger may be influencing him, just because this is so antithetical to the Eren we know.

I think what Eren said is Isayama's way of setting up the inevitable confession of Eren's true romantic feelings for Mikasa somewhere along the way. I think Eren's pushing Mikasa (and the others) away so they won't get involved and be hurt on his future decisions, lest something bad happen to them. I've seen this thing happen before in other shonen stories, where the protagonist pushes away their potential romantic interest only to come back to them to apologize and confess. Idk I could be wrong though. I could never know what Isayama's really planning lmao

It's rewind time

it will give mikasa good character development

The ship is dead

If they were to mend back their bond, it wouldn't be the same as before. This is not a playground where they will all be happy. This is reality and they are bound to hurt each other whether they like it or not.

Eren is pulling the oldest trick in the trope book to try and force his friends away to protect them from his own fate

La ignorancia de Eren y el apego de Mikasa

Ok first of all Isayama himself said the Ackerbond is a CHOICE. Also even for Eren, that was an impressive amount of bullshit that came out of his mouth.

Eren looks so affected for Armin saying he made Mikasa suffer and we can appreciate he is truly hurt when he proves true that Mikasa is under influence of the Ackerbond while pushing Armin against the table. Plus, his reaction when Mikasa cries because she is disappointed of him in Liberio... thus it’s pretty obvious he DOESN’t HATE HER in my humble opinion.

💔💔💔💔💔

I need to see the story through Eren's eyes again for me to have a solid opinion.

I think that deep down Eren is doing everything to make him see Mikasa as a woman and not as a second mother. Deep down I think he loves her as she loves her

Well, someone previously mentioned before the contradiction found between Eren declaring that Armin is becoming soft and the fact that Armin suggested to have a titan devour and inherit Eren's powers back at chapter 108 which i totally agree with. Thus, i believe that the full truth has not yet surfaced and that it is still too early to judge on things that happened in chapter 112.

I really want to what he has in mind currently.

Mikasa's bond to Eren seems way stronger than Levi's to Erwin or Kenny's to Uri, so I feel that it's half Ackerbond and half lust

Eren lied to protect his friends

I think it's funny how a whole fandom can just totally overlook every moment between the pairing because of one chapter🤷‍♀️

EREN IS BUTTHURT THAT MIKASA MAY HAVE NOT REALLY LOVED HIM AND ARMIN IS DADDY AF

The chances for EreMika to become canon has increased and we might get a kiss and a sex scene between the two

I believe Eren is lying and Mikasa is really love Eren not because her ackerbond

I didn't expect this development so I still feel confused. I have a small hope Eren at least admits to himself he loves Mikasa.

I think Eren is brainwashed by Zeke. Also clearly hurt by the thought of his relationship/friendship with Mikasa being fabricated by her Ackerman genes since IMO he confessed back to her when he said he’d wrap her scarf as many times as she wants.. when she was about to kiss him cause she thought it was the end of both of their lives. Furthermore, whatever his plan is I think he wanted to keep Mikasa & Armin out of it to protect them cause i do not believe he could just start to hate them overnight. I hope this situation is temporary.

He doesn't hate her. How could he? I only hope her not to forgive him too soon (for herself, I mean). And I hope her to express her feelings just to, maybe, feel better.

@ eren why you gotta hurt her like that, MAMA DIDN’T RAISE YOU LIKE THIS!

Eren is obviously hurt for hurting his friends

I'll just wait for future chapters. Don't wanna make early conclusion

Lmao Yams is trolling

I have faith in eremika

I know mikasa won't end up with eren, but I just wish eren has same feeling like her.

I REALLY FUCKING HOPE eren is going to feel sorry for what he said to her, and that they‘re going to make up!

Eren is so blantantly obviously lying. Maybe Mikasas Ackerman genes have a bit to do with her protective nature, but not her feelings for Eren. There may have been times where Eren was frustrated with Mikasa, but he never has hated her. There is so much canon evidence he cares about her. For example him showing concern about her widget loss, the blushing scene, and him standing by her when she was injured. Much more where that came from. Maybe he said he hated her because he thought her Ackerman genes have control over all her feelings (which I don’t believe to be true, but perhaps he does.) Thus, sets her free because he cares about her that much.

it hurts eren to hurt his friends but he's got limited options here.

Eren better apologize to mikasa

I honestly think Eren's lying. We all know he's never been a good bullshitter, and he's transparent as HELL im 112, so tbh, i think he's partially being controlled be zeke who probably forced Eren to do what he did, and that he didn't mean what he said to Armin and Mikasa, and that he's doing it to keep them out of danger. Relationships like that don't just break off because someone said something hurtful. There's history behind the EMA friendship, and considering the type of person Eren is, he wouldn't just backstab them like that and tell them all those things, especially if he knew they'd cut deep. Eren's just a really, REALLLLYYYY terrible ass liar. (Wow i wrote a book here)

Something is up with Eren. While I think what he said seems harsh and unfair, I think what he’s expressing is true but the reasoning is off. I dunno how to explain its like... Eren isn’t the kind of person to say something like this for dramatic effect or do I see how pointless drama serves this kind of story at all. That and Mikasa’s reaction to what he said and her own doubts I can’t ignore that as much as I want to. Something is up but I think there’s is some truth in there

As much as I like Eremika I want Mikasa to get rid of Eren.

BRUHHHHHHHHH IAM HAVE SO MANY FEELINGS ABT THIS

Eren you bastard... why are you like this

It hurt Eren when Armin said that, his face says it all .. just that Eren got mad because he got a reaction out of it

Fuck u eren

The points he makes are quite logical, but the bond between them and the strong development of their relationship throughout the years  just make every harsh thing he said sound really really odd and although sounding like a truth - give the feeling of an utter lie

bitch i was ready to swing this edgy hobo boi is on some dumb shit obviously lying out of his ass to keep them safe or make them hate him for their own well being but he went too far with mikasa >:c

I believe Eren is simply way too aware of his and everyone's on the island deadly position/situation (Sarah's death definitely triggered him,too) hence his harsh words towards Mikasa and Armin in order to push them away and making whatever Eren has to do in order to safe them easier (i strongly believe Eren will die by the end of the series)

I wanna see more pain. (I’m sorry, I like the angst)

WHERE IS ALL THE ANGSTY FAN FICTION, I'VE BEEN REFRESHING AO3 LIKE A MADWOMAN

Just makes me sad that their relationship has always & seemingly will always be based around tragedy

Im scared and excited at the same time

Zeke's a liar and must die for giving Eren this bogus intel. Also, this scene is really similar to that anime only one from EP2, isn't it? It's the scene where Mikasa punches Eren after he implies Armin is a parasite, has to be canon now that Isayama is approving changes. If there's anything to call a smoking gun over disproving supposed genetic influences, this would be it.

Mikasa is most likely a key character in understanding Eren's behavior and general goal. For me this dark turn clearly paves the way to some juicy development in the future.

He might just be pushing her away so that when he dies she can more easily move on.

Maybe he purposely wanted to hurt her because he thought it was best for her for some reason. Maybe he’ll do something dangerous and he didn’t want her to be involved so he tried to push her away (don’t know, I’m just hoping so much that this will turn out to be positive)

I'm so sad y'all

Bull *wait for it* shit

I'm more confused, baffled and kind of amused at Eren than sad or even angry. It's just... what the fuck? Like, yeah, he's been all mysterious and shady for a while now, but this??? wth

Eren and Mikasa forever !  Seriously 112 was tough but we all know that Eren never hated Mikasa , what he did was because he had to .

There will be world war against eldians and eren tries to break his bond with mikasa cuz she should go to hiruzu far away from war. She is no eldian and eren thinks it's not her war.

Feel like Eren thought the only way to make mikasa free was to try and cut the “ackerbond”

chapter 50 exists and shows Eren's real feelings!! all's good!!

Eren might have memories from previous titans overlapping with his own memories and feelings - hence the change of attitude

Eren doesn’t hate Mikasa and doesn’t hate the fact that she’s an Ackerman. He was and always will be her family before anything, I know that he wants to set her free from her ackerbond and I know that he’s hurt from the inside cause he’s causing so much pain to his only family left but I know deep down that he still loves her and cares for her. I was never affected by the whole ‘Eren hates mikasa she should forget him he’s ungrateful and blah blah’ cause eventually he’s doing everything for his friends just like what he told them in CH108  I know I’m not the only one who believes this. In the end it’s up to isayama to decide everything and I hope that Eremika will end up together due to many factors that I can’t explain but clear in both the manga and the anime <3

I think Eren’s just going through some shit right now/is being manipulated by Zeile and hopefully Mikasa will help him come to his senses soon.

She deserves better

Eren is trying to cut off the ties he has to people important in his life.

bless Armin for saying: this is what you wanted??: the "frEed0m" to hurt Mikasa? fuck Eren, ackerbond or not what the motherfucking fuck are you thinking??

Pues creo q Eren solo dijo eso para proteger a sus amigos

There has to be a plan up his sleeves. A plan that temporarily had to sacrifice his relationship with the closest two people in his life but in turn it will protect them and they will one day realise this fact. I am just petrified that by then Eren could be dead. Isayama will finish me off if this turns out to be his plan all along.

2.7) Did Chapter 112 affect the shippers’ feels for eremika?

A bit less than 8% of the respondents are thinking about stopping shipping Eren and Mikasa or they don’t ship them anymore (74% of the people that checked this option have another hetero ship as their OTP and around 19% have a male/male ship as their OTP. None of the pickers of this option has eremika as their main ship, they either dropped it already or they never actually had it as a main)

Chapter 112 didn’t actually affect the feels for the pairing for 33% of the shippers, while it made 21.3% of the respondents to ship eremika even harder. 

There’s also the people (27%) that got affected by what happened in 112 but are trying to remain positive about the future of the ship and, on the other hand, less than 11% of the respondents are feeling down about it.  

2.8) Despite everything going on in the manga, 53.4% of the respondents still have high to very high feelings toward the ship, while 19.9% have very low to low feels toward it. The remaining 26.8% are in some sort of shipping limbo, they don’t ship them too hard nor too little.

2.9) "I'll wrap you up in it again... Again and again. Forever." Will Eren's promise be ever brought up again?

The majority of the respondents (70.2%) consider Eren’s promise to Mikasa has to be addressed again in the manga, while 24.3% are not so sure about it happening and 5.5% think it won’t be brought up again.

2.10) Considering everything that's going on in the manga, do you think Eren and Mikasa will become a canon couple at the end?

47.1% of the respondents think there’s a high chance for the ship to become canon by the end of the manga - almost 9% of them claim to have always been sure about it happening. 23.6% don’t know what to think anymore due to confusion or other reasons (Ereh, pls) and almost 14% don’t mind if the ship become canon or not.

15.4% don’t think the ship will become canon or that it sunk already. From this percentage of people, about 76% of them don’t have eremika as their main ship. Something similar happens with the ones that don’t mind the ship becoming canon or not.

Regarding the last four questions of this section, and to no one’s surprise, the more you ship a pairing the more positive you are about thinking it may become an official thing one day, meaning you consider the characters can overcome the obstacles or see these obstacles as chances.

The less you ship a pairing, the less you care about it becoming canon or you are more prone to interprete any obstacle between the characters as a signal of a doomed ship. This doesn’t surprise anyone either.

3. ON EREMIKA CONTENT

3.1) Around 46% of the respondents look for eremika content often to very often while 32% never or almost never does. 22% do it sometimes.

3.2) The favorite type of content that the shippers look for is Fanart with 47.6% of the preferences, followed by Fanfiction (24.6%) and written analysis or discussions about the ship (21.6%). Edits or memes and videos only got 4% and 2.2% of the preferences, respectively. No one chose cosplay as their favorite type of content.

3.3) With 399 responses, the frequency that the shippers reblog, retweet or like fanarts / edits 41.4% often to very often, 34.5% almost never or never do it and sometimes 24.1% of them do.

3.4) With 371 responses, around 44% of the shippers say they never (29.4%) or almost never give some sort of feedback to EM Fanfiction writers… which, sadly, isn’t unforeseen. A bit more than 17% claim to do it very often and about 39% do it sometimes or often.

3.5) 39% of the respondents have at least once made content for eremika and 31% still create content for the ship.

4. CONTENT CREATORS

This section was optional and 73 content creators responded to it. 

4.1) Around 60% of them are Fanfiction writers, 37% are fanartists, 20.5% are graphic makers and/or analysis writers, 8% of them make videos and almost 3% do cosplay. Other responses included writing headcanons, EM Facebook page and group admin, sewing EM plushies plus photographing and editing the pictures to add dialogue and effects, animations and someone will try their best at fanart.

4.2) Their favorite kind of content to create is Angst with 20.5% of the preferences, followed by Fluff (13.7%) and Smut (8.2%). 35.6% of the respondents stated to like all the types of content listed: Fluff, Angst, Smut and Humorous. A bit more than 12% claim to not really have a favorite kind of content. Other responses included “Fluffy and Humorous”, “a mix of angst yet powerful”, “canon compliant stuff”, “angsty, fluff”, “[...] all eremika content is GOOD FOR THE SOUL” and “I like to write rated M stories that don't just focus on the smut factor of the rating.”

4.3) On how often they create and publish their content, about 29% rarely do, over 27% do it once every a couple of months, 15% do it monthly and less than 10% do it at least once a week. Other responses included whenever they feel like it or are inspired and have time to do so, someone “create a fair bit but rarely publish anything”, someone else tries everyday to do something even if it’s not EM related, a writer used to update their fanfic monthly but nowadays barely writes, someone never publishes what they make but gives it to their close friends, a fanartist draw eremika all the time but never publishes it because they “know no one will like it”, someone else talk about EM with a friend everyday and they theorize together, and a writer used to write often but they rarely do anymore and it seems it’s been more than a year since they did.

4.4) Most of the respondents rate the support of the eremika fandom toward their content as regular (31.5%), a bit more than 23% rate it as very high, almost 25% as high and 20.6% as very low or low.

4.5) 42.5% of the respondents consider they help circulate other people’s creations very often while around 58% do it sometimes or often. Less than 3% said they never help to do so.

5. GENERAL DEMOGRAPHICS

5.1) This section was optional, except for the fandom and social media question, in which 72.3% of the respondents said to participate on Tumblr, almost 35% of them on Reddit, around 23% on Twitter and 17.7% on Discord. There are mentions of other social medias like Instagram (less than 8%), Facebook (a bit more than 2%), Youtube (1%) and Amino, Pinterest, a French forum, 4chan, DeviantArt, Fanfiction.net, Archiveofourown, Wattpad and real life. 5.5% of the respondents stated they don’t participate in Fandom.

5.2) In terms of geographical location, 47.5% of the 398 respondents to this question are from the American continent, almost 35% are from Europe, 13.6% from Asia, 2.3% from Oceania and 2% from Africa.

5.3) The native language of the respondents, considering 390 responses:

English 43.8%

Spanish 13.8%

French 5.1%

Italian 4.4%

German 4.1%

Russian 3.6%

Arabic 3.1%

Filipino / Tagalog 2.5%

Portuguese 2.3%

1.8% Hindi, Indonesian

1.5% Greek, Polish 

1.3% Mandarin Chinese

1% Dutch

0.8% Swedish (one of them also speaks Thai), 

0.5% Thai, Malay / Malayalam, Finnish, Romanian, Vietnamese, Japanese, Serbian, Bulgarian, 

At least one of the respondents speaks either Hebrew, Tamil, Welsh, Ukrainian, Urdu, Danish, Hungarian, Cebuano, Turkish, Bengali, Cantonese, Bisaya and Sami. 

5.4) When it comes to age ranges, almost 62% of the 398 EM shippers that responded to this question are between 18 and 24 years-old, 21.6% are between 13 and 17 years-old, 15.1% are between 25 and 34 years-old and only 1.5% are between 35 and 44 years-old.

5.5) 396 people responded to the gender question and the majority of them identify themselves as Female (70.5%), 24.5% as Male and 3.8% as Non-binary. One person identified themselves as demi-girl and someone else stated they didn’t want to say it. 

5.6) Finally, regarding the sexual orientation of the 388 respondents to this question, 64.2% are Heterosexual / Straight while 35.8% are among the LGBTQ+ spectrum: 13.7% are Bisexual, 9% don’t know or aren’t sure about their sexuality, almost 4% are Asexual, 3.4% are Pansexual, 2.3% are Demisexual, almost 2% are Gay / Lesbian and less than 1% are Queer. Other replies include Pan-Demiromantic and Lesbian/Asexual.

[fluffy-marshmallow-heart]

Drake's Diary ch.16 - Barns and Bath-houses

The Royal Romance from Drake's POV

Drake x MC (Emma)

Words: 2731

It's time to raise a barn! And then get some relaxation in at the spa.

It’s the day of the barn raising, and Drake and Hana are operating a pulley system. They struggle to lift a beam off the ground

“Pull!” Drake called. Their muscles strain against the weight of the beam.

“Pull pull pull! Maxwell walked over, shouting to them.

“Hey guys.” Emma greeted.

  “Maxwell? Emma?” Distracted, Hana drops the rope and the beam crashes to the ground. “Oops! Sorry, Drake! I was just excited to see our friends. And it looks like Emma came dressed and ready to work.”

“You know it.” Emma winked

Drake slowly drank in the sight of her. She was wearing short jean shorts, a white tank with a red plaid tie up shirt over it. She looked…hot. Realizing he was staring he quickly thought of something to say. “I don’t think we were going to get it all the way up there anyway.”

But now Emma was the one staring at him. “Drake…You’re not wearing a shirt…”

“Oh. Right.” He blushed

“He started off with a shirt…” Hana said

Drake shrugged. “Hey, it’s hot out! A guy’s got to cool off somehow. Maxwell, you’re going to be sweating buckets in that black shirt.”

Hana pointed “There’s a spot over there where many of the nobles are hanging their dress shirts. Or, alternatively, I think Drake chose a spot on the ground for his.”

“Nah, I’ll leave my shirt on. This button down’s made of moisture-wicking fabric. Very breathable.” Maxwell informed.

Drake noticed Emma still watching him. “Drake, you sure you’re not trying to show off for the press?”

He shook his head. “I’m happiest out of frame.”

I only want to be on your radar, Rose, no one else’s.

Maxwell thought a second. “Well, Emma should be giving the press something to shoot. Come on! Let’s lift things and build barns!”

Hana frowned “I think that’s missing a few steps.”

“Details, details.” Maxwell brushed her off. Everyone lined up on the rope.

“Everyone ready?” Drake asked. Everyone grips the pulley’s rope.

“Heave!” Maxwell shouted gleefully.

All together, they manage to lift the beam to the second floor of the barn. Once done, the group discussed their next courses of action. There was painting with Hana, making planks with Maxwell, and continuing to lift beams.

“You’re welcome to stay here.” Drake jumped in eagerly

Please stay here.

Emma pretended to take her time thinking, before smiling and saying, “I’ll stay here with Drake.”

“Suit yourself.” Maxwell muttered.

“Have fun!” Hana told them

Drake looked back at Emma, warmth spreading throughout him. “Well, looks like you’ve chosen to stick with me, Rose.”

“I stand by my decision.”

“Heh, alright.” He looked away quickly as another blush crept up his neck. He was so pleased she chose to stay with him. Always chooses me.

“So, what does big strong Drake need my help with?”

Drake grinned. “Beam lifting, of course. But I’m bringing in some help.” He waves over a few laborers, who attach a beautiful black horse to the pulley system.

“Chica Linda!” Emma exclaimed.

“Liam made sure she was taken care of for you.” Drake told her.

I doubt he would have thought of it on his own, but that’s beside the point.

Emma was still grinning. “Hey, girl. Are you gonna help us build this barn?” Chica Linda nuzzles her, and she lets out a happy sigh.

“I figured some real horsepower would make everything go a lot quicker. But this’ll also make an even better picture for the press. Your outfit next to a horse will complete the look.”

Or maybe I just love seeing you dressed casually with a horse. Two, no three, of my favorite things. Rose, comfy clothes, and horses.

���Aww, thanks Drake. You do care.”

“I never said I didn’t.” Drake held her gaze before she bit her lip, when his eyes dropped down to her lips. If we weren’t in public right now…those lips would be mine.

She cleared her throat. “What do I need to do?”

“Uh…Right. I want you to guide the horse forward, while I direct the beam. I figured you would have the best control since she’s your horse.”

Emma nodded. “Got it.”

Drake moves over to the secured beam. “Okay! Pull!”

She gently leads Chica Lina forward “Easy, girl. Right this way.” Chica Linda marches forward, pulling the beam up. Drake steers it to the second floor, then walks over to Emma. He noticed her eyes were now on his muscled chest, which was practically glistening in the sunlight. He wiped the sweat from his brow.  “Whew, that wasn’t so bad. Good work, Emma.”

“Thanks, but Chica Linda did most of the work.” She pats the horse fondly.

Drake gave a small bow. “Well, thank you, Chica Linda.” As they pet the horse, they notice Kiara struggling to carry a small beam by herself.

“Just…a few more…steps…til I can drop this…stupid plank…Mon Dieu!” Kiara stumbles, twisting an ankle in her heels. The beam falls down on top of her!

“Kiara!” Emma cried.

“Oh, geez.” Drake runs to her side and quickly tosses the beam off of her.

“Oh, merci beaucoup.” Kiara said gratefully.

“You okay?” Emma asked.

“I am now.” She smiled shyly at Drake.

He raised an eyebrow. “You shouldn’t carry this all by yourself.”

“I…uh, you know how it is. Penelope said she was taking a five-minute break thirty minutes ago, and I didn’t want to wait around.”

Drake sighed. “If you’re going to carry a beam, even a small one, at least find someone like me to help you.”

Kiara’s eyes drifted down his torso. “Right, I’ll find someone…like you.” She clears her throat and stands. “Thank you for looking out for me, Drake.”

As Kiara leaves, Emma turns to Drake “Do you think you have an admirer?”

Drake grimaced. “I hope not.”

He notices Kiara by the barn, sneaking a peek back at him.

“I think she might be checking you out.” Emma said.

“That’s not funny.” He snapped.

“I’m not laughing!”

Ugh, please tell me some noble girl isn’t suddenly developing a crush on me. Not now. Not when I have Rose. Hell, maybe even if I never have her.  No one else can ever compare.

He narrowed his eyes. “I don’t want to think about this. Let’s just finish this barn. That’s simple. Just move and build.”

“Right.” Emma looked like she was about to say more, but instead they silently went back to work. Drake was relieved. He definitely did not want to think about Kiara. She was nothing. Emma was everything. End of story. Working through the day they help complete the last of the barn. Everyone gathers to admire their work.

“We did it! And it looks great.” Emma exclaimed, happily.

Drake agreed. “Not bad for bunch of nobles.”

“That was exhausting, but I’m glad we did it.” Hana piped in.

“No more. Can’t…saw…another…plank of wood.”

Drake rolled his eyes. “Oh, don’t be so dramatic, Maxwell. If this was a dance set, you’d still be going.”

Maxwell puts his hand over his heart. “Like a heart, I need a beat to keep going, but all I hear is the angel’s choir. Remember me fondly.” Maxwell collapses and plays dead on the ground

Hana looked at him, confused. “Should we…”

“He’ll be fine.” Drake told her. Liam walks over to the group, wiping the sweat off his own brow with a towel.

“Hello, my lords and ladies.”

“You managed to escape after all.” Drake said, surprised.

Liam nodded. “Until tomorrow at least. It’s been a long day.”

“No kidding. I could really use a bath.” Emma told him. Immediately Drake began envisioning himself bathing her in a lightly scented bubble bath. I’d light some candles, get some lotion, massage her…

“Oh, I know of a spa nearby where we could unwind.” Maxwell stirred from the ground, interrupting his thoughts.

“What happened to being on death’s doorstep?” Drake snapped, annoyed at his wandering thoughts. Or am I annoyed he interrupted them? Hmm…

Maxwell shrugged. “I caught my second wind.”

“I’d love a relaxing spa trip.” Hana said.

“That’d be a nice end to the day.” Liam agreed.

“Then let’s go!” Maxwell leads the group to the limo, where they take a short ride to a nearby spa. After arriving, the girls head to their changing room and the men to theirs. Dressed only in towels, Drake, Liam, and Maxwell sit in the steamy sauna.

“Maxwell, just come out.” Drake said.

“It really can’t be that bad.” Liam told him.

“But…I told you…”

“This was your idea! Get out here!” Drake exclaimed in frustration. Slowly Maxwell stepped out of the steam and close enough for them to see why he never takes off his shirt. Liam bursts out laughing, but in that exact moment, Hana and Emma burst into the room, giggling themselves.

 “Surprise!”

“Hey, guys!”

Liam’s mouth fell open. “Oh! Emma, Hana! Should we…er…cover up more?”

Drake sighed. What are we, 12?  “I think the ladies will be fine.”

“Yes, I’ve seen a man in a towel before.” Hana informed them.

Emma’s eyebrows furrowed. “Wait a second…where’s Maxwell?”

Drake smirked. “Hiding. And that was before you all burst in. Come on out, Maxwell.”

“Yes. You can’t hide forever.” Liam agreed.

Maxwell steps out from the doorway and the steam clears. “Go ahead and laugh if you want. Just don’t tell Bertrand you saw it.”

Hana squinted her eyes, trying to see more clearly at his chest. “Is that a baby hippo?”

“Wow. Maxwell, that tattoo is the best thing I’ve ever seen.” Emma laughed.

“Really? You like it?” Maxwell asked hopefully.

“Love. I love it.” Emma said, resting her hand on his shoulder.

“Aw…heh, now I wish I’d shown it to you sooner!”

Hana was still staring. “Would I be correct in guessing that there’s a story of some sort behind this?”

“Kinda…When I was a kid, my mom would call me her little hippo.”

Emma looked delighted. “I didn’t think it was possible for this moment to get better, but here we are.”

“I was kind of chubby when I was younger, before I got into dancing. My dad was really hard on me about it, but my mom never made me feel bad. She was really smart and funny. She said I was just like a hippo…fun-loving, but tough, and always able to make her smile. And she made them sound really cool and amazing. Anyway, when she passed away, I wanted to get something to commemorate her. I told Bertrand I was going to get something done…I guess he thought I meant like, have some artwork commissioned…So he was pretty surprised when he saw this.”

Emma rose her eyebrows. “I can imagine…”

Hana nodded. “I suppose it doesn’t particularly fit with the image of House Beaumont that Bertrand’s striving to maintain…”

“Yeah, this was more or less his second to worst nightmare. Or so he keeps telling me, anyway…So he said that if we’re ever around nobility or servants, I had to keep it covered up. But…I can trust you, right?”

“Of course! On my honor.” Hana said.

“Maxwell…I want a matching one!” Emma said mischievously

Maxwell gasped. “How awesome would that be?”

“The most awesome.” She returned.

“Maybe one day when this is all over, I can take you to the shop I went to.”

“Count me in.”

I hope she’s joking about that tattoo. Although…on her it might actually be adorable. I wonder if she has any hidden ones I might find when I finally get my hands on her? Aw crap. Now I’m getting hard. Shit! I can’t be erect in front of everyone! What do I do?

Then he remembered something, a perfect way to be rid of his current condition. “As fun as discussing Maxwell’s hippo tattoo has been, I’m going to take a dip in the cold plunge…” He hesitated a moment before adding, “Anyone want to join?”

Liam shook his head. “No, thanks. After today, I’m relaxing in the tub…” Liam left the sauna room and headed towards the hot tub, while Drake walks to the furthest pool across the room. He’s looking down at the icy blue water, trying to psych himself up. He’d always heard of this but had never done it himself.

“Trying to summon your courage?”

Drake jumped at the sound of Emma’s voice. “This I supposed to be good for you.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah. Like most things in life, the best thing is sometimes the most painful. Want to do it with me?”

She let out a laugh. “The cold plunge? I’m in!”

“Really?” Didn’t actually expect her to say that. In fact, I was sure she’d be in the jacuzzi with Liam. No one in their right mind would do this for fun.

“Can’t let you do it alone.” She shrugged.

Drake grinned at her. “That’s the spirit.” She takes Drake’s hand and stands at the edge of the cold plunge, taking a deep breath.

“Here goes…”

Drake started the count. “One…two…three!”

They jump in, the cold water washing over them, their hands never breaking apart. A moment later they surface, gasping.

Emma looked at him “That was…”

“Intense?” He suggested.

“That’s one word for it.”

Drake laughed. “Having trouble keeping up with me, Rose?’

“Me? Never.”

“Heh.” My god her eyes sparkle when she’s full of excitement. They’re so beautiful.

He hefts himself out of the cold plunge and reaches back a hand to help her up.

“Thanks.”

Standing at the edge of the pool, they look around. Everyone is absorbed in their own relaxation and no one is paying them any attention. Suddenly, Emma pulls him into a kiss.

 “Whoa!” He kisses her back…but then pulls away. “You’re full of surprises.”

“Good ones, I hope?”

He smiled softly at her, brushing a strand of her wet hair away from her face. “You know, you can surprise me like that any day…but right now, we should probably…”

“Be sensible and discreet?” She pouted.

“Unfortunately. And believe me when I say that’s very unfortunate.” I can’t wait for things to be different. I really really hope we get there…but I can’t get my hopes up. That’s just setting myself up for disappointment.

Emma looked at him sadly. “I guess we should check out the rest of the spa.”

Suddenly Maxwell shouts, “Hey everyone! Watch this!” He climbs up on one of the chairs and prepares to do a backflip into the water.

“Is that safe?” Hana asked.

“Almost certainly not.” He jumps, flipping through the air and landing with a splash

“Maxwell…I’m next!” Emma called.

“Step right up, step right up…” He announced grandly.

“Be careful” Hana told her worriedly.

“I’ve got this!” She does a back flip, tucking in her feet and landing with a splash in the water.

Drake’s eyebrows shot up. “Okay, that was impressive.”

“Very well done, Lady Emma.” Liam agreed.

Maxwell applauds. “Looks like I’ve finally met my match.”

The clock begins to chime, and Liam sighs. “It looks like our time here is at an end.”

Hana smiled. “This has been so fun…I’m so glad we did this!”

“Yeah. This wasn’t so bad, as far as our capers go.” Drake told them

Liam laughed. “Highest of praise from Drake”

Emma smiles at everyone. “I’m glad we got to do this, too.”

The gang separates to the changing rooms before reconvening. Refreshed and ready, the five of them leave the bath house and return to Applewood Manor. When they split to go to their separate rooms, Drake walked Emma back to hers. He was once again in the room next to her.

“Well, Rose. This is our stop.” He paused, debating on kissing her. He started leaning in…then pulled back. “Um, so, goodnight.” He started to turn when Emma caught him by his wrist. He looked back at her in surprise.

“Rose? Everything alright?”

“No.” She replied firmly. “You didn’t kiss me goodnight.”

Drake inhaled sharply. “Rose, we really…”

“Oh, shut up Drake.” She pulled him into her, and his mouth eagerly found hers, kissing her hungrily. He pressed her back into her door, his hands roaming her body, before finally forcing himself to pull away again, trying to catch his breath.

He took a step away. “Goodnight, Rose.” He whispered.

“Goodnight, Drake.”

He quickly shut himself in his room and got ready for bed, the grin never leaving his face.

  @blackwidow2721 @sleepwalkingelite @flowerpowell @agent-bossypants @annekebbphotography @carabeth @gardeningourmet @eileendannie @dancetothestoriesinyoursoul @alesana45 @imaketerriblechoices @zigortega4life​​

@hrhdes @drakewalkerisreal @akrenich @feartheendlesssummer @i-only-signed-up-for-fanfiction

[hufflepuffmarlenemckinnon]

Of the Essence 15/22

A Marauder’s Era Fanfic

Pairings: Blackinnon, Jily

Rating: Teen-Mature for language and sexual themes. I will warn for the two later chapters that get a little steamy.

Word Count: 22k+

Summary: Sirius and James semi-inadvertently invent a new potion. It’s consequences to Sirius’s personal life are anything but straightforward.

A/N: I am a complete failboat at using Tumblr as a platform for my fic, but I am giving it a go and moving my current WIP over from here.

Ch. 1 Ch. 2 Ch.3 Ch.4 Ch.5 Ch.6 Ch.7 Ch.8 Ch.9 Ch.10 Ch.11 Ch.12 Ch.13 Ch.14

Chapter 15; The Morning After

It was early Saturday morning when Marlene woke. So early that probably only the kitchen elves were up and about. Sirius was asleep beside her. Her heart ached at the sight of him, bare chested and beautiful.

She felt like a total idiot, staring moonstruck at him while he slept. Surely this wasn’t as big of a deal for him. He’d been with lots of people and though he said he’d never had a girlfriend maybe he was just… trying the whole thing out. She shouldn’t have let herself fall so quickly. But it was really hard not to when he was around every corner being so sweet and treating her like she was special somehow.

She sighed. She’d let it be for now. In time she’d figure out whether she was just a passing fancy for Sirius. She could wait for confirmation that wasn’t the case to offer her heart up for crushing.

She when she got up and dressed she saw the map was lying by their wands. Her curiosity got the better of her, and she didn’t think Sirius would mind her peeking around to see what route would be safest to take in her very first “walk of shame”.

“I solemnly swear that I am up to no good” She pointed her wand at the map and whispered down to it.

With that, the map came to life. She was still impressed by this. He was really a lot smarter and a lot nicer than he pretended to be… ugh… it was impossible not to love him a little.

She looked for her own name on the map and spotted it. No one was nearby. A few students were up and on their way to breakfast by the looks of it. Her sister Grace was in the stairwell near Hufflepuff Basement. What was Aramis Avery doing there?

“Graramis McAvery?” She muttered to herself.

That couldn’t be right. That was what the map did when people were kissing. Maybe he knocked into her or something. Grace would never. She didn’t even like blokes at all, much less nasty blood-supremacist snakes. It was surely some sort of fluke. She folded up the map and looked back to sleeping Sirius.

She felt compelled to wake him and kiss him goodbye before she snuck back into Hufflepuff basement.

“Good Morning beautiful…”  he whispered as he opened his eyes.

If Marlene were watching this happen to someone else she would find it disgustingly sweet. Since that wasn’t the case however, all she could feel was happiness.

~~~

The 7th year Hufflepuffs of both sexes had grown quite used to her presence in their dormitories. It came with being a McKinnon. As Marlene waited on her sister Grace’s bed for her to return, she pondered her own nervousness about next year. Her siblings and her boyfriend were all a year ahead. She’d be terribly lonely.

“Gracie, what on earth were you doing in the stairwell with Avery this morning? I saw it on Sirius’s map and I thought it must have been a mistake.”

“Map?”

“He’s got this wicked amazing map of the castle and grounds that tells him where everyone is.”

“Well that’s not creepy at all…”

“Gracie you didn’t answer my question.”

“He cornered me. Gave me some rubbish about how I was the only suitable match for him in our year. His father told him he needed a pureblood virgin, you see.”

“That’s revolting. You know I heard something very like that last week? Sirius’s brother…”

“Your boyfriend’s brother came onto you with some weird archaic marriage talk? Are you even a virgin still?”

Marlene could feel nervousness creeping up her chest making it hard to breathe. The topic her sister was broaching was never a comfortable one with her siblings, even though they were her best friends. She’d even come here thinking she’s discuss the previous night amongst other things, but it was still… uncomfortable. She elected to dodge the question.

“I was just a bystander. He told Sirius that I’d be suitable, is all. Sirius was appropriately horrified and said my blood status didn’t matter to him and such. Then Regulus punched him in the face and fucked off.”

“Well that’s all very dramatic.”

“Right you are, Gracie. But what happened with Avery? Did you tell him to get buggered?”

“He got…uncomfortably familiar and wouldn’t take no for an answer. I told him I’m not even interested in wizards, and he seemed to take that as a challenge.”

“Oh gross. I’m so sorry. Did he hurt you? Are you alright?”

“I’m fine. I hexed him to within an inch of his life. You needn’t worry baby sister. He won’t touch me again.”

“He’d better not.”

[branflakes82]

Hard to Trust ch. 12

Another beautiful chapter thanks to @pathybo Sorry its taking me so long to get these out. 

Enjoy, everyone!  <3

You must have tossed and turned a lot during the night because the next morning you woke up facing the other side of your bed. Your face wasn't on Eric's chest anymore but you felt his arms around you as your back was pressing against his chest. You tried to move only to be rewarded with little kisses being trailed along your back. “Good morning, beautiful.” He said. “Good morning.” You answered turning yourself around to face him. You felt those beautiful blue eyes looking deeply in yours. His usual emotionless face now had a little smile upon his lips. He kissed you and got up going to the bathroom. When he came back you got up, showered and got dressed. “You have the day off today, but I have to go to work, remember what I told you before, no Warren, no Jordan” He wasn't finished when you interrupted him “Yeah, yeah, yeah, I got that. You don't trust me, do you?” You said. “I trust you with my life. It's them I don't trust. Let's go get some breakfast.” Eric and you entered the cafeteria holding hands, he was proud to show you around as his accomplishment. At a distance you saw Jordan and Amy sitting together, Jordan’s face was all bruised and he had a huge black eye. Instantly you looked down at the hand holding yours, with all those bruises and open knuckles and you knew what happened.  When you reached the table where Alicia and Chris were at, he kissed you in the middle of the cafeteria and said, “I have to sit with the leaders now, but I promise that at lunch I will sit with you.” And he left to sit beside Max. “What was that?” Alicia squealed. “I don't know what we are, but we definitely are something.” You giggled with your friend. You spent the whole day with your friends, had lunch with Eric and then met him at his place for dinner. You two had another unforgettable night of crazy wild rough sex and even though you were sore you couldn't deny you were loving it. The next morning the shower sex was driving you out of your mind, Eric seemed a little too obsessed with leaving some bite marks on your neck and collar bone, he was paying special attention to those parts. But even so you were loving that steamy hot session with your ruthless leader in the shower. He placed your hands on the tiles in front of you while he slammed into you from behind. The goose bumps were prickling on your skin as you found your tempo together. “Oh baby you are so gorgeous, you're the best thing that ever happened to me.” He said.

At 8 am you were at the garage presenting yourself to the Patrol Supervisor. “Y/N, it is a pleasure to have you on our squad. We got lucky this year and three of our best initiates decided to work with us at the Patrol, so we decided to make a team with the three of you together. Guys, right on time.” He said to your two coworkers that were arriving at that time. “Y/N, Chris and Warren, the three of you will be our new squad. You can go over there to Joshua, he will give you your weapons and assign you to your vehicle. He will only supervise your patrol today so he can show you exactly what to do and how you receive your orders. Be brave, do us proud.” The supervisor known as Vincent told you. You were so excited about your team that you wanted to jump and scream, but Eric's voice came to your head “no Warren”, and you kept wondering how to tell him that Warren was on your Patrol team. Your fist day on the job was awesome, Joshua showed you how to report back to the base through the radio on your vehicle. He also gave the three of you cell phones so you could reach each other in case you were separated during an incident. Every new member of Dauntless received phones today, but as you were not in the compound, your boss gave you yours. He told you the phones were already charged and you could start using them right away. You were in your Patrol vehicle, Warren was driving, you were next to him up front while Chris and Joshua were in the back seat. “Y/N, please tell that boyfriend of yours to go easy on you, your neck is almost raw. I understand what he's trying to do, I would probably do the same to claim you, but he can chill out and not hurt you like that.” Warren said while laughing. You knew he was doing that out of hurt because you told him you didn't want any relationships because of Jordan. You were so embarrassed while the three of them were laughing. “So, who's your boyfriend Y/N, do I know him?” Joshua asked you. “It was this guy that works at the fence..” Warren didn't have the chance to finish when Chris stepped up. “It's Eric. Didn't you know, Warren? He was all over her yesterday in the cafeteria to make sure everybody saw him with her.” “Oh, that explains a lot about the hickeys.” Joshua said. “It's an effective MO.” “What? Are you kidding me, why didn't you tell me?” Warren said looking at you. “Sorry, Warren I didn't mean to hide anything from you, I didn't even know something was happening between us until the day of the final test. Actually I don't know exactly what we are now.” You said. “I just want to ask you a favor, please, tell the asshole that if he ever hurts you, if he screw things up, I will be right here, right by your side to pick you up. And I will hunt him down and kill him.” Warren finished the subject and moved on. You kept staring at him not knowing how to respond to that.

Eric went down to the garage to get your phone number from Vincent and he took a look at your patrol team.

Patrol 8 – Y/N, Chris, Warren

You were extremely tired heading back to the compound so as soon as you got into your apartment you headed straight to the bathtub and sank in, just relaxing. Eric had texted you that he was working late, and he wanted to make sure his number was the first one on your phone. So you took your time to relax, you didn't even go to dinner. After your bath you just laid down to rest your eyes and fell asleep almost immediatly. You woke up with hands all over you and Eric's large frame on top of you. “Hey sleepy head, are you ok? I couldn't find you at the mess hall or the pit and you didn't answer your phone.” He mumbled into your neck. “I didn't hear the phone ring, I think I was just tired and might have fallen asleep.” You answered. He started kissing your neck and laying his hands all over you and you could feel he was ready to go. “Eric… Are you naked?” You whispered. “I don't want to waste time, babe.” He smirked against your skin.

[breath0ftheglacian]

A Man Of No Consequence, chapter 7

A Man Of No Consequence - Ardyn x fem Reader (NSFW) COMPLETE. All chapters may contain spoilers!

CH 1: Into The Lion’s Mouth CH 2: Famous Seafood CH 3: The Covenant CH 4: Blind Spot CH 5: The Revelation CH 6: In The Lap of The Gods CH 7: Across the Seas CH 8: In The Lap of The Gods, Revisited CH 9: Callings CH 10: Hand of a King, Heart of a King CH 11: Into the Dark CH 12: Breath Of The Glacian CH 13: Redemption CH 14: Cure for Insomnia CH 15: A Gentleman’s Agreement

Chapter 7: Across the Seas Running through the narrow streets, you squeeze your bags in your hands. I'm late. I'm gonna be too late, and he's going to leave me here, out of spite... You turn a corner, bumping into an elderly man casually walking down the alleyway.

“Hey watch where you're going!”

“So sorry! I'm so sorry!” you shout in passing, hurrying down the stairs on the alley that leads towards the main road.

The sun is high up in the sky and you feel droplets of sweat run down your back as you make it out of the maze of little streets into the steamy road, panting, trying to see if there's any trace of Imperial troops. Looking up, you see a magitek engine drift away in the horizon.

“No, no, no...”

You try running after it, realizing the futility of your attempt. Abandoning the idea, you drop your bags on the pavement, and sit down on the bigger one. Here I am again...

You were given a time by the Chancellor, to board the magitek ship with him, your only viable way of reaching Altissia. You exhale, remembering that's the least of your troubles. It's only started to sink in, what happened within the last few days.

Your friends back home, dead. Your home, destroyed. There's no going back. And you've fallen hard for the man who's responsible for everything. He has bewitched you, told you stories of legends and prophesies, made you believe you're somehow part of it all, part of his master plan, and that it's your destiny. Letting out a despairing sigh, you look at the passing cars and the dust rising off the road.

“Miss! Hey, Miss!” you hear a familiar voice calling behind you.

Turning to look, you see Wedge running down the stairs, dressed in his full Imperial uniform.

“Miss,” he stops, finally reaching you, trying to catch his breath. “There... there you are.”

“Wedge, what's the matter?” you get up from your suitcase. “And why are you wearing a leather coat on a day like today?”

“Haha, very funny... trust me... it's not out of choice...” he responds, still out of breath.

“I've been looking for you, miss. I saw you leave the hotel, but the Chancellor sent me to escort you to the ship. Ship's gone now, miss, we've missed it!”

“I know!” you respond in an annoyed voice, instantly realizing you're being rude. “And thank you. I'm so sorry I made you run around.”

“It's ok. Lady Aranea's coming to pick me up soon. I reckon we can drop you off at Altissia, was it?”

“Yeah,” you nod, “Altissia.”

Seeing the Captain's face is a real relief. “Welcome on board,” she smiles, offering you her arm and pulling you up the ramp. Wedge and Biggs insist on carrying in your bags. You feel embarrassed with all the help they're giving you, and can't even keep a serious face talking to Aranea.

“Thank you so much,” you chuckle. “I'm such an idiot.”

“No problem, doll,” she responds with a wink. “Still running errands, huh?”

You purse your lips together, nodding.

“Fine, if that's what you guys call it,” she responds.

The magitek engine takes to the sky, the familiar humming engine growing louder as you see the city of Lestallum getting smaller below. Fastening your seat belts, you take your place next to Aranea again.

“So tell me,” she turns to you, talking over the humming engine, “Not that it's any of my business, but... well you know, are you looking after yourself?”

You feel a sudden burst of emotions take over, your eyes welling up. It's been too long since anyone asked that, since anyone cared. Biting your lip, you stare at her glassy-eyed, doing your best to remain neutral.

“Uh-huh,” you nod.

You feel an urge to tell her everything. You haven't been able to speak about this to anyone, the Chancellor has isolated you and spun you in his web so tight you can't even remember when you last had a heart to heart with someone who cares.

She seems to be reading it all in your face. Placing her hand on yours, she gives it a little squish.

“It's ok,” she leans in, speaking more quiet. “You can tell me later.”

You give her a nod and can't help but smile, wiping the corner of your eye.

“Thank you.”

Altissia is the furthest away from home you've been for years. The former plan to visit your cousin has flown out the window, as you don't want to involve any of your family in the mess you're in. By the time you reach the city, it's already nightfall. Watching the beautiful waterway entrance below you, you feel a strange pressure in your chest; a longing you'd rather not feel. I can't wait to see him.

The Captain has offered to escort you to the Imperial Residence downtown, where all the Empire officials stay on their visits. Walking you up and down the staircases crossing the canals, she finally leaves her men behind to wait at the airship. She doesn't waste any time getting to the point.

“Ok sweetheart, if you need help, you better tell me now. I can make a few moves to get you far away for a while if you need.” “No - ” you protest, taking a moment to observe her concerned expression. “I'm... I'm fine.” “Really? You don't seem it,” she replies. Of course, she's right.

Summoning all the courage you have, you decide to confide in her. You can't tell her everything, but you tell her of how the Chancellor has given you a very important task, a task you don't know how to fulfil. You tell her that you're involved with the Chancellor, but she responds she already gathered that. You tell her you're worried about the Empire and where the world is going. While you let everything out, like a free flowing river that has been held back too long, she slows down as you reach the Imperial Residence.

Before taking you inside, she turns to you, looking at you like an old friend, with concern and care.

“Look, I'm worried about all of that, too,” she confesses. “Truth be told, I'm leaving the service, but that's a secret for now. If you ever need to get away, you can reach out. I'm sure we could help each other out in one way or --”

She's interrupted as the double doors to the residence are opened, with two officials you don't recognise walking out to the street.

“Stay smart,” she sighs, padding you on the shoulder. “Good luck.”

The Captain takes her leave, and you take a deep breath before carrying your bags into the building.

First thing you see as you enter is Ardyn standing in the lobby, leaning on the ornamented wall.

“You're late...” he states, greeting you with a smile.

“I'm so sorry...” Is this all I can say anymore? Sorry, sorry, sorry.

“Come, let me show you to our room,” he offers, grabbing your bags.

“With you...?” you follow him, up the spiral stairs covered in a soft red carpet.

“Of course, my dear. I couldn't bear it any other way,” he responds, looking down at you grinning.

The residence is an extensive building, with high ceilings, and many corridors. You pass a few larger rooms with dining tables, parquet floors and massive paintings on the walls. Finally you reach the eastern wing of the building,  Ardyn leading you into a suite at the end of a small corridor.

“Wow.” You enter the room, decorated with large vases of red and pink lilies, the tall windows open to a view over the street and canal outside. The room is enormous, the bed is enormous, everything covered in embroidered, heavy fabrics.

“I hope you like it,” he says, laying down your bags.

“Of course!” you respond, walking around the room, touching everything. “It's gorgeous...”

“Now you better get changed,” he continues, watching you take your time examining the room. “There's a small reception being held in honour of the Empire. Formalities, I'm afraid...”

“You want me there?” you ask, stopping as you're smelling the lilies.

“Do wear that dress of yours,” he smirks, walking to the door. “I shall await at the end of the corridor.”

Making sure not to keep him waiting, you find the borrowed silk dress you have kept with you ever since that fateful night. Dressing up, you feel a strange joy at being where you are. Your whole life, you've been nobody, you've never experienced luxury like this. Screw it, might as well enjoy it while I'm here.

Inspired by the flowers, you give yourself a few sprays of a lily-scented perfume you found in the bottom of your bag, and head down the hall.

As you approach Ardyn, you find him around the corner, holding his fedora in his left hand, talking to a tall man dressed in a white Imperial costume. The man seems upset about something, talking in a raised voice.

“Let us not worry about it tonight..” you hear Ardyn mutter, as you reach the pair.

“Ah, my dear,” he says, turning to face you. “Stunning as always.” He takes your hand, bringing it to his lips and placing a soft kiss on the back. His amber eyes burn right through you.

“Allow me to introduce, Lord Ravus Nox Fleuret, of the Tenebrae family.”

You give a slight bow, smiling at the man. “Pleased to meet you.”

As Ardyn theatrically introduces you as his 'very dear friend', you run the man's name through your mind once again. Nox Fleuret. Lady Lunafreya's brother?

“Pleased to make your acquaintance,” he responds, forcing a smile. “If you'd excuse me, I believe we're expected at the reception.” With that, he gives a hasty bow, and turns to walk down the staircase.

“I'm afraid he's got no manners with the ladies,” Ardyn muses, lifting up his fedora, placing it on his head and turning to you. “Well, shall we?”

The reception is held in a bright ballroom, with many representatives from both the Empire and Altissian municipality. Wearing his fedora and all his charm, Ardyn truly becomes the Chancellor of Niflheim; the politician, the face of the Empire. You observe him as he moves with ease from conversation to conversation, introducing you to half a dozen important people whose names you instantly forget. You cunning snake, you lying daemon, you think, sipping on yet another expensive champagne you could never afford on your own. You're all smiles outside, complete emotional mess on the inside.

Feeling your confidence build with the time spent at the reception, or perhaps with the alcohol, you decide to breach the subject that has been pressing on your mind all evening.

“Could I have your attention just for a moment?” you request, taking Ardyn's arm while he's mid-conversation with an elderly woman. “It won't take a minute.”

Apologising to the woman, he walks you to a quiet corner of the room.

“What is it my dear? No need to be so rude,” he smirks.

“This is important,” you insist. “You said I can have an audience with Lady Lunafreya.”

“Ah, about that...” he starts.

“No, no. You promised. This is too much for me. I've had some time to think, and I've decided. I can't do this.”

His expression becomes pensive, his eyes studying you, trying to call your bluff.

“I would advise against making any hasty decisions, while you're under the influence.”

His arrogance is infuriating.

“Under the influence? How dare you!” you respond, trying to keep your voice down through your annoyance.

“My dear, let's sleep on it,” he suggests, already turning and walking away, not giving you a second look. You stare at him in disbelief, returning to the conversation he was having earlier.

Suddenly you start to feel like you were never going to get that audience.

You scan the room, for more champagne, for an escape, for something to take your mind off things. Your eyes find the tall man in white, standing alone in the corner, looking deep in thought. Ravus Nox Fleuret.

Once again putting on your best charm, you approach the supposed former Prince of Tenebrae.

“Excuse me, we were introduced earlier,” you greet him with a friendly smile.

“Oh, indeed. Apologies for my hurried departure,” he responds. The man looks sad.

“No, by all means. May I ask you, if I understood correctly,” you continue, “Are you in fact related to the lovely Lady Lunafreya?”

“I am. I am her brother.”

You feel you've already reached a small victory. Now to take it home.

“I had the pleasure of meeting her once,” you tell the Tenebraean Prince. “I'm a photographer, and I had a chance to photograph her with a friend of mine at the reception in the citadel – in Insomnia...”

You pause as the memories of that night flash trough your mind. My friend. My home.

“I see,” Ravus responds, seemingly unimpressed.

“Do you know where I might find her? I would love to share the photographs with her. They hold a special significance, especially with all that happened after. My friend... he didn't make it.”

“I am sorry to hear that.” Ravus is short in his correspondence.

“Please,” you approach him, reaching for his hand. Feeling the cold metal against your palm, you realize your mistake, nevertheless determined to get him to help you.

“I implore you,” you whisper leaning closer to him, “It's not just the picture... it's very important.”

The tall man's face seems concerned, but curious. Before he has a chance to respond, you feel a hand wrap around your arm, wrenching you back and away from Ravus.

“I do apologize, is she bothering you?” the familiar voice is low, without the usual melodic tone.

“Not at all --” Ravus tries to respond, but you're already being walked away and out of the ballroom. The strong grip around your arm hurting you, you try to wriggle away as Ardyn walks you to the now empty entrance hall.

“What do you think you're doing?” he asks calmly but with a low, serious voice, pushing you against the wall.

“What do you mean?” you reply, bursting out laughing. “You're crazy,” you laugh, trying to free your arm and push him away. He doesn't budge.

“I thought I told you not to make any hasty decisions.” The resolute golden gaze remains on you.

“Let me go,” you try to laugh it off, starting to realize the tragedy of the situation. You're his puppet, you have no free will. “Let me go,” you repeat, with words choking in your throat. It's not funny anymore.

His eyes travel down to your lips, your throat, to your rapidly breathing chest, peeking inside your dress, then slowly back up.

“Don't forget who you are,” he snarls, letting go of your arm, taking a step back. Walking backwards, he tips his fedora theatrically at you, then turns around an disappears down the hallway to the ballroom.

You take a moment leaning against the wall, catching your breath. I can't go back there. I won't.

On a whim, you grab a long black coat that's hanging on the stand in the reception room. Pulling the coat over your shoulders, you open the double doors, heading out to the rainy street. - - - - - - - Guys, I love you all. ;____; Please rescue me from this Ardyn hell. To alleviate the pain that is the Trashking, I’ve completed chapter 8 as well and will be posting it here in the near future. I promise, Noctis is coming with is Princely charms! 

[hufflepuffmarlenemckinnon]

Of the Essence 16/22

A Marauder’s Era Fanfic

Pairings: Blackinnon, Jily

Rating: Teen-Mature for language and sexual themes. I will warn for the two later chapters that get a little steamy.

Word Count: 22k+

Summary: Sirius and James semi-inadvertently invent a new potion. It’s consequences to Sirius’s personal life are anything but straightforward.

A/N: I am a complete failboat at using Tumblr as a platform for my fic, but I am giving it a go and moving my current WIP over from here.

Ch. 1 Ch. 2 Ch.3 Ch.4 Ch.5 Ch.6 Ch.7 Ch.8 Ch.9 Ch.10 Ch.11 Ch.12Ch.13 Ch.14 Ch.15

Sirius looked on while James futzed about with his hair and clothes, as if Lily Evans didn’t already know exactly what he looked like.

“Mate, you’re overthinking this.” Sirius rolled his eyes at his friend.

“Well I might say you’re under thinking it! You’re wearing that?”

Sirius looked down at his muggle clothes. He thought the leather jacket was cool. And didn’t everyone wear jeans with holes in them? What was the point of wearing jeans if they didn’t look like they’d been in a war?

“Yeah. What’s wrong with it?”

“Nothing if you like the whole Muggle dumpster look…”

“Perhaps I do.”

“Well then…” James cringed, disapprovingly, in his best friend’s direction.

So the 7th year Gryffindors, in their vastly different attire, headed out to the courtyard to meet their dates. Both Sirius and James were brimming with excitement, though either would be loathe to admit it out loud.

Their respective dates looked much in sync with their own style of dress. Lily was in a very pretty understated long sleeve dress. Marlene wore a denim jacket that looked like it had seen better days. Her yellow boots were as bright as her smile. Her hair was as it always was; a lifeform unto itself.

Sirius thought she looked perfect.

“Marlene, you’ll recognize the head boy and girl, James Potter and Lily Evans. Sometimes present on the map as Lames Pevans. Lames, this is my beautiful girlfriend, Marlene McKinnon.”

“The big haired badger who stole Padfoot’s heart.”

“It seems like vaguely unflattering nicknames are these boys specialties…” Lily pointed out.

“And these two stragglers are Remus Lupin and Peter Pettigrew.” Sirius gestured in the direction of the other two Marauders, who approached.

“It’s lovely to finally meet you Marlene. Sirius has been acting very strange lately. I hope you’re proud of your accomplishments.”

“Are you saying that he didn’t act strange before?” Marlene teased.

“Fair point…I like this girl. We should keep her.”

“I’ve promised to meet the band of merry badgers. Would you lot like to come along?

“Well, I’ve always wanted to spend a Sunday with a band of merry badgers! What are we waiting for?” James’s enthusiasm was contagious amongst the group of 7th year Gryffindors. They all knew the McKinnon twins anyway, so it wouldn’t be too strange, Sirius reminded himself.

Marlene lead Sirius by the hand down the hill a ways, to where her brother and sister were waiting. The rest of the group trailed behind them.

Grace McKinnon’s gaze felt like having Mad-Eye Moody look at you with his magical eye. She looked at the young couple as if she were searching for something in their posture or aura. They looked at each other with a silent question of what the hell she was getting at.

“Well then. I see that rumors of Black’s successful acquisition of our baby sister’s virtue are not without basis in fact.”

She busted out into easy laughter which Marlene mirrored. Sirius stood by looking perplexed at the sisters.

“Oh please… that isn’t even a rumor. Don’t be ridiculous Gracie. She’s just trying to be as embarrassing as possible, Sirius. Don’t mind her.”

“Of course it’s a rumor. I may have started it myself!” Lucan elbowed his younger sister in the ribs.

“So everyone knows brother Lucan? He’s the one I told you would have been the easier catch amongst the McKinnons still here at Hogwarts.”

“You called me easy? Rude. And I don’t even swing that way.”

Sirius silently thanked the stars for another Mckinnon sibling who was of incompatible orientation. Because surely if Lucan McKinnon had actually been interested then he would have already been down that road. All the Mckinnons were quite good-looking. He was glad not to have to face that awkwardness in this already strange uncharted territory.

Thanks again stars.

Sirius thought the Sunday afternoon in Hogsmeade was going quite well. He and his friends all seemed to be getting along with Marlene’s close in age brother and sister, and watching her interact with all of them was a treat. She was quick and witty. His chest needed to get its act together right now or he was going to sabotage his own reputation with all this… giddiness.

They hadn’t finished their picnic yet when trouble found them. Specifically, trouble in death eater masks.

There were four of them approaching, so the group of students doubled them in numbers and it shouldn’t have been much of a challenge all things being equal. But they never were. It was anyone’s guess who was behind those masks.

“What do we have here? The meeting of the filth and blood traitors society?” The male voice was familiar. Lestrange maybe?

Sirius threw up a shield in front of himself and his friends as soon as he could grasp his wand, but not before he heard Grace’s scream. A slicing curse hit her straight across the face. She was bleeding. There was no time to evaluate her wounds.

“Think you’ll be able to be so choosy with a face like that, Mckinnon?” Another male voice growled.

Grace realized this was Aramis Avery. She stood up from where she’d fallen bleeding and shaking with anger, drew her wand and cast another shield in front of Sirius.

Cries of “Incarcerous!” and “stupefy!” rang out behind Sirius. James hit one of them with a stunner but it didn’t stick. The Death Eaters were too quick.

Lily Evans sent a stinging hex in Avery’s direction and it hit him dead on.

“You nasty little mudblood. Did no one ever teach you to respect your betters?”

The witch who held her wand up to Lily was unmistakable as Sirius’s own cousin Bellatrix. He felt sick to his stomach as his close blood relative cast a confringo at the tree they were using as shade. Lily and Peter both fell under the weight of it. James and Remus, seemingly unharmed, cast another set of protective spells and darted to where their friends lay injured.

“I’ll hold them off. Get them to Madame Pomfrey.” Sirius, standing at the front of the group, yelled back to the others after casting another protego.

“Lucan, take Grace.” Marlene met eyes with her brother, who nodded.

He took his wounded twin sister by the hand and apparated the two of them somewhere out of sight, hopefully near to someone who could get her medical attention. James and Remus followed suit with Lily and Peter, respectively.

Sirius looked back at Marlene to tell her to get to safety, but before he could get a word out, everything turned red. Pain. Nothing but the pain of thousands of poison needles beneath his skin. Then it was like fire. It was only when he was released from the cruciatus and he felt the soreness in his own throat that he realized he’d been screaming.

“Until next time, cousin.” Bellatrix spat at the ground near where he was still reeling from the torture curse.

The four Death Eaters disapparated, apparently having achieved what they came for. Those goals were quite opaque to Sirius, but it was hard to put thoughts together at all. He could see the outline Marlene’s gold hair but was having trouble focusing in as she knelt in front of him.

“You idiot…” were the last words he heard before he passed out.