#tog’s journal

[toggerton]

Evening trails her cool touch across the prairie

Soothing salve across burnt skin

I can see her freckles now, amber flecks adorn her shoulders

A thousand minuscule kisses, scattered across her jaw

Wildflowers in her hair, she lays her head among a pillow of fog

Dusk pulls her blanket snugly across the sky, pricked with starlight

The moon wakes to watch over her sleep.

[the-shadowsingers-whore]

SJM's journal from TOG

***go to the reblogs to see the rest (tumblr doesn't let me post all of the photos in one post)

[starsreminisce]

The fandom is so lucky to have you! We appreciate having you here and all that you contribute to it ❤️❤️

1. What brought you into the fandom?

2. What character(s) do you feel the most connected to and why?

3. Out of all of SJM’s books, which one means the most to you and why?

4. Out of all of the SJM couples (fanon, canon, endgame, etc) which one means the most to you and why?

Keep doing you ❤️

Hello! Thank you so much for this!

What brought you into the fandom? I enjoyed the books when I read them, but I didn’t get deeply invested until I saw that Nesta and Azriel would be featured in a bonus chapter in HOFAS. That’s when I started catching up on CC and TOG. I like meta discussions and fan theories, and discovering all the patterns gave me something new to explore. It also didn’t help that I was a bit burnt out from my other hobbies, so I ended up gravitating towards this. The letdown of ACFTL made me need a new ship to invest in.

What character(s) do you feel the most connected to and why? Nesta because I too can go from deep-seated bouts of self-criticism to thinking about how much I could have changed things to being in a threesome to thinking that where I am is a complete waste of time.

Out of all of SJM’s books, which one means the most to you and why? House of Earth and Blood is my favorite, with ACOSF being a close second. I related so much to Nesta, and the lake scene was incredibly raw, reflecting my own struggles at my worst. That's why I think Nesta's story isn't done. Nesta got over the hump where she feels like she needs to prove that the love people give her is worth something for her to learn that it can just be given with no strings attached. However, there's something special about HOEAB because I started the book crying out of confusion, only to end up crying again as everything she brought up came together so beautifully. I also love Danika and Bryce's friendship. Honestly, HOFAS might have been even better if there had been a Danika secret.

Out of all of the SJM couples (fanon, canon, endgame, etc) which one means the most to you and why? Elucien. I distinctly remember writing in my reading journal that I hoped I wouldn’t stick with this series just to see a ship’s conclusion, and here I am, writing Elucien meta. Lucien has been my favorite character, and I kept hoping for Feycien until Chapter 54 and Hybern, where Lucien, who always felt powerless in his situations, broke through just for his mate. Both Elain and Lucien have a habit of pushing aside their own needs and wants for the good of others, and their bond is something uniquely theirs that they’re afraid to fully embrace for various reasons. Elain and Lucien can lie to others, but they can’t lie to themselves, and after ACOMAF and ACOSF, we have an idea of what SJM has in store for mates.

Thank you for asking and for your kind words! I hope that you have a wonderful day

[the-messenger-hawk]

top 5 ToG headcannons (?)

Yesss~ ToG thoughtss crafting go

1. I honestly go back and forth between a couple variations of the same theory, but I honestly don't believe that the 'princes' (but mostly Wangnan) actually have parents. Either its the clone theory, or the insistent terminology of "seed of the King" has more significance than we know (I like this one). Added to that, Wangnan 'inherited' something the others don't have (the horns/his title/the Sword), and may or may not have named himself. 2. Bam/or whatever may be possessing his body is some form of beast of destruction/demon, and Rachel is aware of this. The first time Bam saw her, she appeared to have entered the cave wielding a knife, as though she were expecting to get attacked by something, and has confessed that she "fears the night." This might play a part in how easily monsters like Thryssa and the Leviathan adjust to him. Kinship.

3. This is a silly self-indulgent one but, Miseng is related to the Ha Family. Her true power and berserk mode brawling potential reads like something you would expect from the Ha Family and I would not be the slightest bit surprised if it was revealed that she has Great Family ties. She's noted as having a 'strong soul' and is surprisingly durable for such a young girl as well.

4. Rachel knows Arlene personally, and may have even been taught by her. Rachel has mentioned Arlene a number of times, and each time with some degree of familiarity, so I have to assume that they knew each other as well. We know that Arlene left the Tower (somehow) according to her journal and Bam ended up in the cave as a result, so it makes sense that Rachel came into contact with him through some interaction with her.

5. Zahard is similar to Bam in that he has also "consumed" some kind of eldritch being, and made it part of him. This may be an intentional effort of his part to become "less human," possibly to escape fate.

[shippingfangirl013]

It’s Wip Monday because I’ve had a shitty day and I think you all might enjoy little Will & El.

This chapter isn’t finished, but here’s a glimpse into it!

(I’ve been very depressed lately so it’s been hard to even get a paragraph written down, but when inspiration strikes, I’ve been trying to get some pen to paper. I needed to study on Sunday, and the most I got done was moving from my bed to my couch, and I watched 5 minutes of lecture… so, needless to say, writing has been hard too. I’m trying, and I am getting help, I’ve contacted multiple therapy offices, but that’s kind of why I haven’t posted the fic yet. Because I can’t find it in me to write, or read, or even ride my horses… it’s been a struggle lately. I’m just being honest about what’s going on, because well… blogging about it feels safer than journaling sometimes.)

Anyways, enjoy a lil peek into my Willel twin agenda, through ToG:

(P.s. yes, this is paralleling the lion king. I’m gonna have some frozen and tangled similarities too, eventually.)

( @rebellius tagging u bc I thought you might like it, @downbytheriversside )

[calyxthenerd]

In the 1 month skip between episode 59 and 60 in Season 3 of Soy Luna, what are some things you think happened?

Im going to do this summarized hc style because I’m at the airport and it would take a while to write down a month’s worth of scenes

Sharon spends the first two weeks in the hospital, being unconscious for three days after the rescue team manage to pull her out of the fire, when she regains consciousness and starts babbling on about Bernie and “How dare they steal my fortune” and stuff, they go to ask Alfredo if he agrees to send her to a mental health facility, which he promptly agrees to, and that’s how she ends up getting treatment there

The fire only damaged Sharon’s Lili and Bernie’s and Ámbar’s rooms, which half relieved Ámbar and half pained her, because, while she could fully refurbish it to fit her, now more mature, tastes, since everything from her spoiled brat and goth phases turned into ash which upset Simón quite a bit, since he loooved her goth clothes, that meant that all her memories from those times were also gone, and not even Luna could cheer her up when she realized that, she locked herself in her temporary new room and cried for days, letting out all the pain she held in her entire life, only opening the door to grab the food that Monica left on her doorstep

Luna turned her parents’ old room into a memorial, putting everything that was left of them in there, she keeps it locked most of the time, the memories are too painful but when everything gets to be too much, she goes in there and talks to them, or cries, for a few hours

Luna and Ámbar go to therapy, after Simón, the Valentes, Alfredo and Nina insisting for months, that results in Luna, who is learning to prioritize her own well-being over other people’s comfort, convincing Matteo to also get therapy, and he, in turn, starts unlearning all his harmful and self-sabotaging behaviors

This particular point is canon divergent. So, since I don’t remember it happening, I’m gonna choose to believe there weren’t any Niric scenes after the timeskip, so that + the fact that while all the other couples were next to each other in that shot near the end of the episode, they were apart, can only mean that Gastón visited during his vacation period from Oxford and apologized, so he and Nina got back together, as it should’ve been, but he has to go back before the festival and Luna’s birthday, but Nina applied to go there a few weeks before, because, even though she might run into him, it was her dream to study abroad, long story short, she gets accepted and then rest is history

Since Sharon made sure she couldn’t go to the school in Paris, Ámbar applied and got accepted into one in BA, starting a year later than she was supposed to, but she, if anyone, is gonna turn that around, possibly overworking herself so she can graduate early, but she’s got her Mexicans to make sure she doesn’t take on more than she can handle

Nico and Ada end up breaking it off, since I don’t see how that would work, and he comes back right after Luna’s birthday, making the band complete, and since everyone else gets busy and stops going to roller as much, they start getting gigs in other places, eventually catching the eye of a more ethical record label fuck you vidia and signing their first album

There’s not much to be said about Jim & Yam, except that they’re thriving at their

Matteo released his first record the week before, since his songs were already decently polished and well rehearsed, the process was really fast

And since the whole group agreed that the Festival was their last performance together, with Nina leaving to join Gastón in Oxford, the band going full swing with their first album, Ámbar starting law school, Matteo going on tour, Delfi going to college for journalism, Jazmin getting the offer to be a part of Fundom, and lastly, to everyone’s joy, Benicio disappearing off the face of the earth, Luna, Ramiro and a newly redeemed Emilia, decided to form a team together, with Juliana’s guidance of course, the process of finding other members was quite a pain, but eventually they managed to find other three people, and they became quite known in skating circles across the world, their team name? Eclipse, after their main founding member and captain

I got a little carried away and started getting into their futures afterwards, but I hope you like it!

[non-un-topo]

WIP game

Rules: In a new post, post the names of all the files in your WIP folder, regardless of how non-descriptive or ridiculous. Let people send you an ask with the title that most intrigues them and then post a little snippet of it or tell them something about it!

Was tagged by @materassassino. Thank you! It's been a minute since I did one of these, and most of these are a lil old. All are tog fics!

Fool's Gold (there are 5 different docs for this one all with various titles so I'm just gonna list the fic title)

immortal soup / cronenberg owns my soul

plague days - The Black Journals

Oblivion

t4t au (Wolf Tooth + more)

King Today / aug. 23

Summerwind

Booker mystery fic - Memento Vivere

burn the midnight oil

Tagging @guarncre @maddielle @polarcell @gallifreyburning and as always, anyone else who wants to share!

[flame-shadow]

There are a few things about TOG that I would like to write about. Writing from its perspective would be interesting because not only is it "inhuman" in how it thinks (there are no humans in its world, but it's a familiar term for me to use here), but it exists on a vastly different timescale from most beings. Such is the way of trees and beings fused with trees. But I think that might actually be better told via visuals, wordless illustrations of seasons changing, of the village being further along, of the appearance of the species shifting... Maybe with some sparse narration, thoughts from the god itself.

Though there are times when it can sync up with the quicker pace of mortal beings! Those are interesting times. Usually dire or dangerous times for the mortals, but they feel better when their god awakens to protect them.

Anyway, the other writing thing that I think I would most like to do related to TOG is to make something like a scientist's field journal, documenting one being's trip through the wilderness, finally spying the abnormal tree against the horizon, and then getting closer. They want to study the tree, maybe try to connect with the being inside (not understanding that it doesn't work like that), taking samples, coming nearer... avoiding the villagers for fear of being caught and driven away. That would've been a better fate than what befalls this scientist, however.

But the journal would have illustrations throughout the entries. The scientist sketches some of what they see and collects samples of things they find. Here's a sketch of TOG on the horizon. Here's a sample of the leaves. Here's a sketch of an exposed root, a note about the texture and wondering if it had been moving a second ago. Here is a sketch of some fungi. Here is a spore print of one of the mushroom caps. Here is a sample of some of the curious bark. Etc.

I have IDEAS and they HAUNT ME

[valkyrieassassin]

Az, Rhys sister and Lucien are all Ruhn’s family. Hear me out.

11:30pm theory, acotar, tog, cc

What if the mating bond wasn’t given to Az from Elain because Azriel already had a mate. Had. We know that Rhys sister was one of the only females that Azriel in his teen years new. What if Azriel’s mate was Rhys sister. Hear me out I know there is this theory but not with this weird piece that in my head creates a picture.

We know that Ruhn looks like Rhys. But that also means his sister. And his magic is very similar to Azriel and Rhys. So also Rhys sister.

A lot of places and names for the world of Crescent City are very similar to those in Throne of glass. So this part is very weird but what if Prythian, hybern, and the continent was once Erilea. And due to magic and courts fighting and power breaking loose the land began to split. Or it just shifted apart. And created Prythian. But many years in the future there is another Valg war and some of the fae, human, witches, and other breads run and create a city for safety and that city is Crescent City. We only know what the city looks like not the rest of the land mass it is on.

Crescent City became technical and even more of a safe haven for fae and other creatures to live in peace. And this millennium after the events of silver flames.

Circling back to the beginning what if Azriel and Rhys sister were mates. What if they had a child and that child had a child and so on. Until Crescent City was made, and one of the descendants took safety there. And due to the limited people magic was mixed creating the Starborn. He still kept some of his great how many you can choose grandparents magic. The telepathy or as we see Rhys calling it Daemati, and the shadows are striking similar to Az’s. Both the telepathy/weak Daemati and the shadows were past down from Ruhn’s mother.

So if this theory works Ruhn was named after the mountains of there once lost home. That his mother found in an old familiar journal that was written by Az and his mate. It mentioned the mountains of the old kingdom. (This is just a weird thing that doesn’t really matter) and Ruhn’s father is one of Lucien’s descendants seeing as he is the son of the LoA and Helion. He was the autumn king but he past on the day magic in the form of the Starborn.

The war that is mentioned repeatedly though CC2 (I didn’t want to look it up) is the third Valg war. When Bryce falls into Prythian she falls back into time to before the third Valg war. Before Crescent City was created.

When she is there she has Ruhn’s sword that is the twin to truth teller. A family heirloom. It also make sense why she mistakes Rhys for Ruhn because Ruhn is his what ever many greats uncle. And the old fae language is in all of SJM’s books. So it makes sense that it is the same language.

Why is it the third Valg war? We know that in Tog we learn that witches are half fae and half Valg. In Acotar we see witches as a almost extinct species. So the moving of the continents must have killed most of them. But in CC we get more witches which means more Valg and fae coming together again.

What about the gates. The gates that the keys were returned to at the end of KoA were three. There is also three legs of the cauldron. What if the keys were reshaped to be the legs of the cauldron and from that reopened the portals. The gates in Crescent City are a play on the portals so that they could never forget there past.

This also explains how the walking dead and the book of breathings and a lot of other books the references other characters are there. It also explains Aelin falling though because she was also time travelling and seeing the future. Prythian the Crescent City.

I have covered the land, the whole background war, the magic and looks. Just to make the point the Ruhn is related to Az and Rhys sister on his moms side and Lucien in his dads side. Also all three worlds have some form of three face goddess or something similar.

This went from a short ten minutes theory to an hour later. Just to prove a stupid theory that Az, Rhys sister and Lucien are all Ruhn’s family. I might write a fic on this. Is there anything I missed or messed up.

[isabellehemlock]

GTKY tag game

Thank you for tagging me @monsterbaity (and @massiveharmonytiger ) 🥰  I love these kind of games - and since they both had some overlap questions I compiled them into one 

Rule: tag (9) people you want to know better and/ or catch up with, then answer these questions below!

Here’s the nine people I’ll tag - some new followers/mutuals I’d love to get to know more 💖

@loustat-fangnatic @esinofsardis @fire-gift @fablesdelightme @nalyra-dreaming @airneeus @cuntyloustat @gorylestat @aryastark-valarmorghulis

Three ships: (from IWTV) Loustat, ArmandxDaniel, (from OFMD) StedexEd, and (from TOG) JoexNicky

First ship: Lady Oscar and André from 80′s anime, The Rose of Versailles that I got to watch in the 90′s

Last song: "I’m still standing" - Elton John (from this inspired and epic Lestat playlist)

Last movie: "Enough" - which in hindsight might not have been the best choice with a high anxiety day yesterday!

Currently reading: my ESS mass journal bc I missed it on Sunday!  Hoping to start reading "Good Omens" soon!  And my first Lenten book (out of two) arrived an hour ago!  It’s called “Seven Last Words” - and written by a LGBT+ friendly priest, Fr James Martin, SJ 🌈  I’m excited to dig into it after doing journal focused devotions for the last several years of Lent and Advent :) 

Currently watching: old episodes of Major Crimes and The Closer while I work on digital art 

Currently consuming: all the metas in my drafts to compile some of my own for IWTV :D

Craving: online orders for my kids to arrive so I can stop checking my phone for updates lol

[toggerton]

She often had compared me

To the tragic character in her favorite series

The warrior

The unwanted

The aviators

Brawn over brains

The character that devotes herself to the just as tragic lead. The chosen one that she fancied herself as.

Why was it such a surprise when she took what she wanted, and mourned me as if I was gone already.

Desperately clinging to some twisted image of me, or who she thought I was.

It was her all along who made me into this character in her life. A companion to be romanced and left on base to go on and romance the next.

Unlike her books, there will not be a time when we are together as one again. Two flesh two ends for these lovers.

I no longer wear aviators.

[thestalebread]

Same thing happened tog Bullet Journal.

It was designed by someone with ADHD for people with ADHD. A simple system of keeping track of tasks and ideas without worrying about how things are pre-organized.

But people turned it into a trendy art project that turns the simple notebook idea into a major task on its own. And now it's hard to find actual Bullet Journal resources.

i don't like to yuck people's yum but i have to say that my least favorite thing to come from the current state of Artists on the Internet is the idea of a sketchbook as something nice and pretty and shareable. like i love me a notebook full of gorgeous art don't get me wrong but that is NOT what a sketchbook is. a sketchbook is my friend who i carry around everywhere like a purse chihuahua. it is the physical manifestation of my notes app. it is the container into which i wring my brain out. it is my therapist. and most of all it is filled with absolutely terrible sketches that should never see the light of day.

[the-shadowsingers-whore]

throne of glass masterlist!!!

(last updated 03/06/24) 💚

***disclaimer: i'm not far into my tog re-read at the moment so these links won't have much (if anything). i just wanted to get this set-up for my re-read

tog fanart

some of may fav pieces of fanart that i have stumbled across can be found here

tog: sjm's journal

tog nonsense

any random thoughts/ideas/memes i have about throne of glass can be found here

@the-shadowsingers-whore - plagiarizing, reposting, and translating is not permitted

[the-mortifying-ordeal-of]

Things I'm learning:

Talking about and seeing pictures of food are both difficult and I wanna minimize those experiences as much as possible.

My boobs have gotten smaller.

I have several clusters and fingerprint sized bruises along my hips, butt, and thighs? I did some googling to no avail. My mom historically gets random fingerprint sized bruises on her upper arms but idk man. They aren't painful? No idea.

Urge surfing and moderation seem to be going okay. My sleep cycle is still delightfully early. I'm doing okay on tasks and texts. My muscular gains aren't totally linear but neither is my effort. I'm really enjoying the slower pace with fewer activities - I keep getting excited about the other deep-dive things I can do after I finish TOG, like podcasts+sudoku, my DBT and AlAnon workbooks, the other to-reads on my shelf, or maybe even get into a TV show?? I tried to find a movie the other night and STRUGGLED. I used to give my ex shit for endless browsing but it all seemed like problematic junk. I ended up watching the weathering and rewatching to the bone with Spanish subtitles. Maybe I will just keep re-watching comfort shows and use it as Spanish practice. Oh my god I could start my asl YouTube leasons. Ugh god so many fabulous free things to do now that I'm sitting my ass down at home. I COULD DO YOUTUBE YOGA! Deep cleaning my studio the other day was rough on my poor torn-up hands but the result feels really nice. Oh my god I could finally work on the vision/inspiration board I've always said I wanted. I LOVE SAVING MONEY AND SAVORING SMALL THINGS.

Thank God my car is on hospice and finally made me take my financial situation seriously. I legit think I might be able to sustain this as a new lifestyle, at least until I pay off my student loans and the new car I need. If I can keep coasting at my job and nothing dramatically different alters my plans (I just felt the dread lol), I think I could really enjoy living like this. Am I getting ahead of myself after a month of saving and two-ish months of ⭐ing? Maybe. Am I hypomanic and/or with Addy? Also maybe. But I spent years depressed and anxious and scared of being alone with myself and now I'm excited about it. I'll take the win.

(rereading this for typos, I'm realizing I'm essentially trying to recreate my quarantine period without all the trauma and fear and toxic shit with my ex. RECLAIMING MY TIME)

Omg and I can get jacked at home, and keep making progress on my complex's elliptical, AND WINTER HIKING STARTS SOON! Oh I'm gonna have such a good fucking winter. And it's bath and roasted veggies and soup season! So much gratitude. Oh my god and I can do longer meditations and journaling, maybe getting up to an hour?? I love time. Fuck working full time just to spend it all and be unhappy. I'm onto something.

[idagnyheter]

Elsa Kugelberg: Ai-journaler kan leda till allvarliga fel

Påhittade mediciner, tillägg om hudfärg tagna ur tomma luften. Recensioner visar att när AI måste diktera från tal till text, visar det sig inte bara fel utan rena lögner. Någon sa “pojken tog paraplyet”. OpenAI:s transkriptionssystem, Whisper, hörde “han tog en liten bit av ett kors … så han dödade ett antal människor” (AP 26/10). Enligt företaget självt ska verktyget inte användas i…

[elviratheepic]

Idk if I'll stick with this, but I've been in hospital for over a week now and I can feel my brain turning to mush, so I'm thinking it might be good to post like a journal thingy here. I can just throw my thoughts to the void and if anyone feels like throwing any thoughts back at me, maybe I'll reminded what human interaction is lol

And who knows, maybe some bits and pieces of my experiences rn might be handy to someone who ends up seeing it. This is a weird time for me, maybe someone else around here's having, has had or will have some similar weird times and we'll have made a little connection even if we don't speak :)

I mentioned it briefly in a post on my art blog, but to flesh it out a bit, I've been generally run down and really quite unwell like all summer and now into autumn. Been back and forth to the doctor, told I have chest infections, possible asthma, etc. I get booked in for an xray and then something looks weird so a ct scan, still thinking it's pneumonia with some odd symptoms, then a couple days later I get a call from my doctor telling me i am going to the hospital asap, there's a bunch of fluid in my chest that should not be there and also they need to check for lymphoma. I've never been to hospital for more than an orthodontist appointment and while not as surprised as I could be expected to be by the thought of cancer due to having had a weird anxiety fixation thing on the idea for a while (fun coincidence), it was still a bit of an ordeal lol. This was 10 days ago and I have not been home since. I've been coping pretty well considering the wild lack of control I feel over literally anything rn. The steroids they've got me on rn while I wait for further treatment have me feeling better than I have in a long while, and mentally the worst I've been dealing with is some fairly mild dissociation. Just kind of taking things as they come for now, rolling with things as best I can especially while so many things are kind of a bit up in the air and subject to change.

But I mean drama aside, the current diagnosis for me is pretty good. The cancer as it appears right now is treatable and has a pretty great cure rate. It's a "primary mediastinal large B-cell lymphoma" according to the leaflet I've got. It's high grade, so fast acting and aggressive but that actually makes these easier to get rid of than low grade slower working ones. It's hanging out next to my heart so that's the reason I've had all these bullshit symptoms in my chest cuz it's just been fuckin shit up in there and irritating its roommates. They've got me booked in for a pet scan day after tomorrow cuz the scanner was having issues so they couldn't get me in sooner, then the plan is to start chemotherapy the next day. Which will be an experience. The treatment plan we've basically already decided is 6 21-day cycles of chemo where I'll be in hospital for about 5 days getting monitored and adjusted treatment, then going home for the rest and coming back to start the cycle again. It's not going to be the most fun and easy experience of my life but tbh I've done hard things before and I know I'm capable of doing this. Not that this kind of thing can ever really come at a "good" time, but I think that personally I'm pretty lucky this came along at the point in my life it did. I've been able to spend the last couple years basically building myself back up from feeling entirely lost, shattered and directionless after a pretty traumatic attempt at university durring covid lockdowns. I'm maybe lacking in some life experience people my age tend to have, but ultimately I have confidence, strength and self-awareness now that I do not take for granted. Basically I got the chance to reinforce my foundations in unkowing preparation for this whole thing. Honestly, I'm kind of just curious who I'll be on the other side of this experience - wherever that may be.

My main concern has been my siblings. I'm the oldest of 3 and we're all very close, spend a lot of time together and are at the core of eachothers' support systems. One of them's got college stress and deadlines, the other's out of school with anxiety issues rn, and my instinct is to be there as a support. And of course they would be supporting me too, it's not all give, they're amazing at being there for me too especially while I've been unwell (I love them so so much and I'm proud of everything they do can you tell lol). But while they have been visiting when they can, we don't get so much time together rn with me being in hospital and I feel like it's hard to get a gauge on how things really are with eachother at the moment which is rough with there being so much change going on rn. I know we'll figure things out, but I can't help worrying about them a bit, I feel like it's kind of my job lol

Oof can you tell it's getting late and my brain's going sleepy ramble mode? Idk if I'm even making much sense but hey

The ward I've been moved to for this is good. It's a cancer ward for teens and young adults with a common room area funded by the teenage cancer trust. There's guitars, a ps4, craft supplies and free snacks. It feels so weird that like that space is for me to use, like I'm kinda tresspassing on something for people who need it more than I do. But the ward's fairly quiet and not so busy at the moment, so when my siblings and briefly my friend came to visit me today, we basically had free reign of the space without having to disturb anyone. I feel more comfortable in there than I did, and I think it's a good space for my siblings to be when they come visit. I'm really greatful they get to use it with me - even if I feel kind of like others deserve the space more (ik im being silly), seeing them get good use and some fun out of it today was good and reassuring. It's reassuring to hear people talking about there being support systems for siblings too should they need them. Especially when it feels like I can't look out for them so much in the ways I normally would.

But yeah, I think that's about all that's in my brain for right now. I'll look back on this tomorrow and realise none of this actually made any sense lol

But yeah basically got thrown a bit of a curveball lately as life tends to do, but there's answers now where there wasn't before, and the path ahead's starting to make itself visible. It sucks, but I've been worse. I'm not just saying that for the sake of offsetting the fact that it sucks, I'm just taking the the little wins where i can cuz I know that's gotten me through plenty rough and sucky times before.

Some little wins:

Woke up to magpies outside the window this morning. One came right up to the glass to say hi, but I couldn't snap a picture in time lol <3

My friend brought me a rainbow sensory slug companion, and I made a pipecleaner creature named Spigley while my siblings were here. They are friends and will be my chemo companions :)

(Idk if that's a mouth or a moustache but i think it suits him either way)