#today was. a little rough on wake up bc my mom had to call me to help dad out the closet

[lilgynt]

helping my dad constantly and footing the bill for at least half the stuff he needs now a days without warning

[jasntodds]

Too Heavy | J.T.

Pairing: Jason Todd x Fem!Reader

Request: @just-lost-inbetween-worlds​ : Can I get Jason Todd (doesn’t matter which version) with the prompts: bloodied knuckles, wiping the others tears away, as well as crying into their chest. Maybe bloodied knuckles bcs of punching something in a mental breakdown and then the rest happens.  Bad Things Happen Bingo Prompts

Summary: Sometimes things get a little too heavy for Jason

Warnings: Angst, blood, mentions of death, mental breakdown, hurt/comfort

Words: 2,802

A/n: I was listening to a lot of Too Heavy by The Plot In You while I wrote this so here we are lol If you wanna be added to my tag list, click the link below, send me an ask, or comment!! You can also follow my library blog @peteprkerlibrary​ !! If you like this, please reblog it and/or talk to me about it!!

masterlist | request info | tag list

Everyone has bad days. They come and they go. It gets better. It always gets better. But for Jason, his bad days are sometimes so rough and harsh, the world collapses from under him. He falls through the cracks into a black abyss, surrounded by every failure he’s ever had. He falls and falls and falls until he finally hits the bottom and the wind is sucked from his lungs in a hard smack. Leaving him alone in the pitch black coldness. Today is one of those days.

He’s just gotten back from patrol and he was quiet not to wake you. He walks steadily to the bathroom but his thoughts are circling the drain. Every step he takes is like twenty pounds added to his ankles and another thought joins the damned ride. Jason’s chest grows heavy as he finally reaches the bathroom, quietly shutting the door behind him.

The worst nights of patrol involve kids and tonight did. It’s always the most innocent of people that get to him. Most nights, he can handle it because it’s part of the job. It’s one of the reasons he puts the helmet on every night. But tonight is different. Tonight is different because it didn’t have the hopeful ending it should have and it’s not fucking fair.

Jason’s hands grip the bathroom counter so hard he thinks he might shatter it in his palms. He almost hopes he does. He looks at himself in the mirror, his back slightly hunched over and he looks hollow. A discarded shell of who he should have been. And he can’t stand it. His head spins while his eyes slam shut and his grip tightens harder against the cool stone.

His chest starts to heave as his breathing quickens. His chest grows heavy and he wants to start ripping out every single one of his organs in hopes it’ll lift some of the weight. The heaviness is suffocating and if he didn’t know any better, he’d think this would be his end.

But he knows better.

And this is the never-ending hell he’s trapped in while the inability to save the kids tonight triggers memories to flood back like overflowing rivers in a flash flood.

There’s the echo of metal on concrete seeping into his blood stream and that menacing laugh that never should be called a laugh beats against his eardrum. The feeling of the panic he felt that day wraps him in a cruel and painful hug as if to be living off of his inability to breathe properly. Images of the Joker and the look on his mom’s face flash across his eyes and he can’t take the heaviness of it all anymore.

The grief he suffers with is nearly paralyzing and it is agonizing. They say grief gets better but when is it that supposed to happen? Because it’s been years and he can’t breathe and he wants to rip his lungs out of his chest just to feel anything other than this. He was just a kid.

Jason was a just a kid.

Tears burn his eyes, one slipping by and sliding down his cheek and he grits his teeth so hard they nearly shatter under the pressure. All he wants is for it all to stop for even a second. He wants one damn second of relief.

He looks up at his own reflection once more and he can see some bruising from last week and he hates it. The white streak in his hair almost seems whiter in the light of the bathroom and he hates it. He hates it. He hates it and he can’t do it. He punches the mirror in a quick motion, just once and it shatters into the sink and over the counter.

“Fuck.” Jason groans because he knows it was loud and he can’t stop the tears now. They’re drenching his face and his breathing is racing, quivering.

Blood spills into the sink as Jason hovers his shaking hand over it. Not a single part of him even cares or pays the stinging any mind. All he can do is try his best to breathe and shake his thoughts away but nothing works. They’re still there. Flashing across his eyes like lightning in the middle of a raging storm.

His legs start to feel weak as if he’s just gotten done running for miles on end. It’s getting harder to stand the more he tries to fight his own breath and thoughts. His head spins and he his stomach turns and twists into gnawing nausea. And he can’t even be bothered to stand anymore because that is just getting too damn hard too. His own body is growing too heavy with every passing thought and he swears that’s some sort of cruel joke.

Jason sits on the floor against the counter, hanging his head and pulling his knees up to his chest. Tears fall down his cheeks and he tries to fight them off with every thought he has but nothing works. They fall anyway, staining his cheeks in a wet mess.

“Jason?” You call from outside the door. 

The shattering of glass woke you up and for a few seconds, you thought someone had actually broken in. And you were nearly frozen, stuck thinking if you had a weapon of any sort in the bedroom you could use. But then those seconds faded and you didn’t hear footsteps or shuffling through the apartment. You didn’t hear anything and when you checked the time to see it was after three, you knew.

“Jay?” You call again, knocking on the door gently when he doesn’t answer.

Your groggy voice breaks his heart. He never meant to wake you up.

Jason slides his hands over his face and clears his throat. “Go back to bed, sweetheart.” Jason tries to stabilize his voice but you can hear the weakness and quiver. He’s mastered the art of hiding pain but not disguising the pain of crying.

Taking the knob in your hand, you twist it slowly, gently pushing the door open. You spot Jason still in his Red Hood gear, minus the helmet, sitting on the floor with drops of blood on the floor. He keeps his head hung and his forearms on his knees. You spot blood on his knuckle with open wounds before you see the broken mirror and your heart just breaks for him.

You step in slowly and cautiously as if moving too quickly will make him dissolve right into the floor. “Hey,” You crouch down beside him, tilting your head to try and get a look at his face that’s covered by his messy hair. “What happened, Jay?”

“I’m fine.” Jason forces the words from the back of his throat and he hates how weak they sound. 

You don’t like the answer because anyone who’s fine doesn’t break a mirror. Anyone who’s fine doesn’t sit on the bathroom floor at three in the morning with bloody knuckles crying. He’s not fine but Jason has never been very good at admitting to anyone when he’s not. He’d rather drown than ask for a life preserver.

You move in front of him, sitting on your knees. You reach out cautiously, putting your hands on his wet cheeks. Jason’s eyes shut down hard with your touch and you’re so gentle with him. Why? What’s he done to deserve it?

You pick his head up softly and Jason lets you. His eyes are bloodshot as he looks at you. His pretty blue eyes are now a haunting shade of navy, like the sky over the ocean in the middle of hurricane. Why does the world treat him with such cruelty?

“Please, go back to bed.” He nearly begs you because you shouldn’t have to deal with all of his trauma.

It’s not fair for you to lose sleep over him. He swears you shouldn’t and you don’t deserve it. All he wants is to be alone with his grief. If anyone has to suffer what he went through, it has to be him. It can’t involve you. Not you.

But you’re stubborn and that thing in your chest beats endlessly for him.

You can see his chest moving harshly with every breath and he might be Red Hood but he was Jason Todd first. A kid trying to survive the best he could. A kid who just wanted to learn and be a kid. Smart mouth and relentless as hell. But a kid no one looked out for. Red Hood looks out for so many people, but who’s supposed to look out for Jason Todd?

“Please, I’m fine.” Jason voice finally cracks as a tear escapes his bottom lid. “Just go to bed. I’ll be there a minute.”

You move your hands from his cheeks and he thinks, for a second that for once, you might actually listen to him. And he’d be lying if that didn’t hurt, too. But, it’s you and you were never very good at following his instructions even on good days so you move closer to him and stretch out your arms.

“Come here, Jay.” Your voice is soft, etched in worry and love.

He’s reluctant at first because he knows if he does, he’ll lose it entirely. Every piece of him that’s been able to hold in a sob will finally crack and that’ll be it. But he sees the worry in every tired line of your face and you always look so inviting.

“I’m worried about you. Please.” You plead with him, your voice cracking with a mix of tiredness and sadness. And Jason can’t hold it in anymore because you’re worried about him.

Jason moves his legs and moves closer to you, resting his head against your chest because at his point, it’s all too heavy for him to even try for a proper hug. And folding into you seems a hell of a lot easier for everyone. You wrap one arm around his side and rest your other hand in his hair. And just like he breaks.

A sob rips through his throat, echoing through the bathroom and you have to swallow the lump that forms in your throat. He shakes against you, sliding his hands to your back and holding onto your shirt. His grip is tight as if he’s stuck between thinking you’ll disappear if he lets go or that he’ll disappear if he does. Your hand runs through his hair and you try to console him, knowing there isn’t much that can help at this point. But you try by playing with his hair and whispering softly to him despite your own heart aching and breaking for him.

Tears brim your own eyes as you hold him against you. If you could, you would claw out your own heart and replace his with yours. Maybe that would help some of his agony. Maybe that would make his pain a little more tolerable. Maybe if you could swap out your hearts, you could take some of his pain away. You’d do it if it meant he wouldn’t suffer so much.

Minutes tick by and his breathing is still harsh against you but the sobs have slowed. His grip is still iron-tight on your shirt and all Jason wants is for the world to stop spinning. He wants the aching in his chest to stop and he wants everything around him to stop feeling so damn heavy.

You pick his head up, cupping his cheeks in both hands again. His cheeks are tear stained and you swear you’ve never seen him look so broken before. Your thumb awipe over his cheeks, brushing the tears away gently.

Jason nearly shudders with the action.

“It’s okay, Jay.” You assure him and your voice is strained as if begging him to believe you.

“It’s fucking not.” He sputters, his brows pulling together and you can see him clench his jaw. “It’s all shit and those kids deserved fucking better.” His breath is hot, boiling on your skin as he seethes. And you know what lead him here tonight.

He told you. Right to your face he told you he died. He left out the gory details of it all for your own sake but you know he was just a kid. And you know why he was there and about the Joker. He was just a kid.

“Kids?” You questions and you know Jason always has a bad night when it involves kids.

“Forget it.” He lets out a scoff because he doesn’t want to talk about it. You don’t need to know the details.

“Hey, no.” You shake your head, eyes scanning over his face as your brows pull together. “I’ll listen all night, okay? I won’t ask anything if you don’t want me to, okay? You can talk or not. But, you’re gonna be okay.” Your eyes lock with his and he wants to believe you.

But he also knows he’ll back here again. He always comes back here. Haunted. The ghost of who he was then and the ghost of who he should have been follow him. He doesn’t think he’ll ever be able to shake them as much as he wants to.

He places his hands over yours and you can’t help but notice how big his hands are whenever he does this. “Just so damn sick of it.” His voice is rough and exhausted.

“I know.” You nod with understanding.

You’ll never be able to understand how he feels or what he goes through but you try. And you see it across his face. You see it in the way he turns in his sleep, when he actually gets sleep. You see it in the way he’s always observing everything around him, always on guard. And you can see it in the way he is with his weapons, there’s always at least two weapons on him at any given moment. As much as you want to understand exactly what goes on inside of his head, you won’t but you can see it. So, you try your best to help and just be there in capacity he’ll let you.

“Why don’t we get you in the shower? I’ll wash your hair, clean up your hand, and we can get into bed? I’ll rub your back and you can tell me what happened if you want. Or I can read to you until you fall asleep.”

He’s almost always reluctant when it’s been bad. He never thinks he deserves the kindness and care you offer to him. On good days, he can accept it. It’s something he struggles with still because no one ever been so kind and careful with him before. So, it’s hard but on good days, he finds it easier to accept. But on bad days, like these, he’s reluctant because if he can’t see the good himself, why should anyone else? But he looks at your eyes that glossy with worry and you give him this look that makes him feel like he’s been put under a microscope. And you would do anything for him.

“Thanks.” He mutters, taking your hands away from his face. “I got it.”

“I know.” You nod your head. “I want to.” You smile gently at him, tilting your head slightly to the right. “You’re not alone, ya know?” You assure him because you think it must be lonely dealing with everything he goes through. “I got you.” 

He knows. As hard as it is for him to accept the care and kindness you offer him, he knows because he notices everything. He notices how he always wakes up with a blanket on him when he falls asleep on the couch and the way you always have his favorite protein bars on hand even though you don’t like them. You’re the one missing sleep when you have work in the morning to sit on the bathroom floor with him. It’s hard to accept sometimes and he gets in his own head about it sometimes, but at the end of the night, he has you.

And you’ve always had a way of lifting some of that weight for him, maybe without even trying.

“Okay.” Jason finally agrees, still a hint of reluctance in his voice.

You get to your feet and offer him your hand.

He almost chuckles because you can’t actually help him from the floor. But he takes your hand in his anyway, getting to his feet. You look up to him with gentle eyes before closing the distance between the two of you and wrapping your arms around him as tight as you can.

It takes a few seconds before you feel Jason relax under your hug and his arms come around your waist. His chin lays on the top of your head and he feels like he can breathe a little better now. 

When things get a little too heavy, at least he has you to help lift some of the weight.

Tag list: @jasontoddsmentaldisorders // @purplerose291 // @lovelessamai  // @makaelaseresin // @lenidaslenchen // @mayfieldss // @ghostkingblake // @dgraysonss // @im-done-with-this-im-out // @velvetskies // @vivian-555 // @kebonita // @deyja-the-duck // @jasontoddslover // @captainmarvels-blog​

[ppersonna]

tempestuous - kth | m

tem·pes·tu·ous - adjective - characterized by strong and turbulent or conflicting emotion

↳ summary- There’s no one who riles you up more than Kim Taehyung, your best friend’s brother.  He knows exactly how to make you fly off the handle.

↳ rating- explicit / 18+

↳ word count- 6.8k

↳ pairing- taehyung x reader

↳ genre- smut, minor angst i guess in the form of fighting, this is one big pile of smut, there’s some fluff too

↳ warnings- yikes where to begin.  angry sex, penetrative sex, unprotected sex (don’t be like dis), slapping, spanking, pain kink, dom/sub elements, facefucking, really rough sex, finger sucking, derogatory names, uhhh name calling, hate sex, tae is fuckin nasty yall im thriving

↳ a/n- I HAD TO REUPLOAD bc tumblr sucks lol well folks. here we are.  i was given a prompt by @ladyartemesia​ so i blame her.  as for tae, he really came for me this week and completely wrecked me, love that for me. i really popped off here and it’s only edited by me so i’m SORRY if there’s a lot of mistakes.  fun fact i actually wrote almost 10k of another version of this but it frustrated me so badly i scrapped it lmao  🤡 HERE WE GO! Enjoy!  feel free to send in your requests and i promise to try and get it done for you! 

Kim Taehyung could only be described in a few words.

Infuriating, bothersome, vexing.

Gorgeous, breathtaking, suave.

Absolutely, inherently maddening.

And you hate how much you absolutely melt underneath his gaze, the way your heart leaps into your throat with a single word.  Your body, the ultimate betrayer, opens up to him as your brain screams to abort, reverse, go back to start and do not pass go.

Kim Taehyung is not just the bane of your existence, no.  He’s the little brother of your best friend, Kim Namjoon.   Joonie had been in your life since you were in first grade and he in second.  Taehyung was your age, but you hit it off with the older boy and haven’t separated since.  Your mothers joked that you would get married one day and continue on the Kim line.  Until they found out that Namjoon was 1) bisexual and 2) hopelessly in love with, ironically, a man named Kim Seokjin.   He reasoned to his parents that they would at least carry on the Kim name.  

Where Namjoon was sweet, caring, and deeply compassionate towards you, Taehyung was his alter.  Taehyung was brash, cocky and relished in watching you squirm, whether it be out of fury or the god forsaken sexual tension.  All growing up, he was the one to pull your pigtails, trip you into puddles of mud, and tease you in front of your friends. Namjoon, ever the faithful companion, was always there to pick up the pieces of what Taehyung broke.

It’s been that way with Taehyung ever since. A constant tug of war with each other, both unwilling to give a single inch to the opponent.  

Your relationship with Namjoon remained steadfast as ever.  Namjoon eventually moved in with his now-husband, Seokjin, who easily settled into your life as an additional partner in crime.  You spent most of your days and nights settled into the couch, snuggled somehow in between or next to one of the two men you cherished most.  You had the two best friends you could ask for and a happy life, blissfully Taehyung-free.

Until it wasn’t.

A loud knock wakes you from an unexpected nap on Namjoon’s couch.  Your eyes crack open against the glare of the sunlight streaming through the windows.  It takes a moment to gather your surroundings.  You recognize that you’re in Namjoon and Seokjin’s apartment, and judging by the silence, you’re definitely alone there.  As you reach for your phone, the screen lights up the time.  5:34 pm.  Well, shit. You remember eating brunch and drinking mimosas at noon with your best friends and then lying on the couch to watch Netflix.  How had you fallen asleep for five hours?  How did you not wake? What the fuck did Jin put in his mimosas?

The knock is insistent again, louder this time.

“Joon! Jin! it’s me! Open up!”

The voice sounds familiar in your sleep-addled mind, but not quite enough to pinpoint it.   You push your limp body off the couch and wince at the feeling of sore muscles.  Couch sleeping isn’t all it’s cracked up to be once you’re past the age of 25.

“Sorry, Namjoon isn’t here-,” You open the door to explain to the guest and you’re cut off.

“What the fuck are you doing here?”

You rub at your sleepy eyes and allow your vision to focus, only to feel your blood stand still in your veins.

Kim Taehyung.  Of fucking course.

“What do you mean, why am I here? I’m always here,” you tut as you fold your arms to your chest.  “What are you doing here?”

He rolls his eyes and holds up his hands, two suitcases clutched in each.  Who the fuck carries 4 suitcases up three flights of stairs? Kim annoying ass Taehyung does, apparently.

“I’m moving in.”  He pushes past you and into the living room.  

Your mouth gapes open.  Namjoon certainly didn’t tell you this.  Taehyung looks back at chuckles at your reaction.

“I’m guessing your best friend didn’t tell you the happy news?”

You shut your mouth, quickly jumping back into composure.  “No, he failed to mention that,” you sniff.  “I thought you lived with your girlfriend in Gangnam?  What was her name? Rose or whatever?”

Tae stiffens, just slightly for a moment, before he plasters back on the bravado.  “Obviously not anymore.  We broke up, she kept the apartment.  Got tired of moping at my mom’s house and I told Namjoon I wanted to come back to the city.”

You feel a slight tug at your stomach, guilt, perhaps?  You clear your throat.  “Oh, I’m sorry.”

He laughs as he sits on the couch, instantly throwing his feet onto the coffee table, like a heathen.  “No, you’re not.”  

“What do you mean, no I’m not? God, sorry for being polite!”

This, you reason, is why you can’t sustain longer than 5 minutes of civilized conversation with your best friend’s younger brother.  He’s impossible.

He just smirks, and you know he loves the rise he gets out of you.

“Because I know you, and I know you don’t give a fuck about my love life.”

Au contraire. If only he knew just how much you gave a fuck.

“That doesn’t mean I can’t be nice to you!” you nearly stamp your foot in frustration but hold yourself back. That would be too good of ammo for him to use against you.

“Okay, fine,” he acquiesces. “Whatever helps you feel you’re a good person.”

You’re seeing red and you know you want to continue screaming at him but you will not stoop to his level.

“Christ, I haven’t seen you in months and you’re still an asshole,” you say as you grab your keys and shoes. “And also, Jin will kill you if he sees your feet on his coffee table.”

You whip yourself around and open the door to leave and hear him call over your shoulder.

“Good to see you too, doll! Love the hairstyle, by the way.”

You close the door with a growl leaving your throat.  The absolute audacity of that man.

You stomp towards the elevator to take yourself to the ground level, when you catch your reflection in the shiny metal. Your hair is in what you can only lovingly call a complete hornet’s nest. It’s ratted and sticking out in places and you feel your cheeks burn.  Your first reintroduction with Taehyung is with a fight AND with you looking like a fool.

This would not do. No, sir.

“Kim Namjoon!” you shriek into your cell phone.  You’re awkwardly pressing it against your ear with your shoulder as you walk out of the convenience store under your apartment building with 3 bottles of soju and a six-pack of beer. You needed to drown your shame and sorrow, and fast.

“Hello, love of my life and moon of my stars,” your best friend replies and you can hear Seokjin chuckle in the background.

“No!” You chide, already cracking a beer open as you storm into your apartment building. “Don’t you Khal Drogo me, mister! Why the fuck didn’t you tell me your fucking asshole brother was moving in with you?!”

Namjoon is silent and you can tell he’s wincing on the other end of the phone. “Oops?” He offers.

“Yeah, big oops! A heads up would have been nice! Like, ‘hey best friend, your worst enemy of all time is moving in today. Maybe you shouldn’t fall asleep on my couch and wake up looking like Frankenstein’s ugly wife. Oh, and also my handsome boyfriend and I will just happen to not be there when he arrives’.”

By this time, you can tell Namjoon has put you on speakerphone because you can hear their rich laughter loud and clear. Rude bitches.

You stab your key code into your door and lock yourself in, chugging as much of the beer as you could handle.

“At least, even in her rants she thinks I’m handsome,” Jin gloats.

“I’m sorry babe,” Namjoon sighs as he finally calms down. “I didn’t know he would be there today. I just found out about it last night.”

You nibbled at your bottom lip, the annoying pit in your stomach feeling simultaneously guilty that he went through a breakup, unbridled joy that something brought him down a peg, and just a dash of excitement that he’s single now.

You let out a breath. “It’s okay, Joon.  It just surprised me to see him.”

Jin butts in, “And because you have a big, fat, unresolved crush on him.”

“Jin!” You admonish. The couple laughs again and you roll your eyes, asking yourself why you put up with the two. “I do not!”

They both hum a non-committal answer, implying they don’t believe you in the slightest.

“Whatever.  What are you guys doing, anyway?”

“We just got home from shopping.  God, Jin looked so good in these jeans he tried on.  I was actually just about to suck his coc-,”

“Kim Namjoon, do not finish that sentence! I do not wish to hear it!” You try to remain firm, but dissolve into giggles with the pair.

You could never stay mad at Namjoon long, even if his brother was the devil incarnate.

“Darling,” Jin calls through the phone.  “I still expect to see you at our place tonight for our sleepover.”

Christ, you had forgotten all about your scheduled sleepover night.  It was tradition and one of your favorite parts of your friendship with the couple.  Jin, a literal chef, prepared a five star meal along with dessert for you while you binge watched Netflix and talked incessantly.

But you also usually slept in their spare bedroom.  The exact one that Taehyung would be occupying.

“Fuck, while he’s there?”

“Oh suck it up,” Jin chides, like he’s your mother. “He’s probably not even going to leave his room.  You’re not getting out of this.  I’m making strawberry cheesecake.”

Your mouth waters at the idea of Jin’s famous cheesecake.  

“Fine, but I get to lick the bowl and not Namjoon.  Those are my terms.”

Namjoon squawked in defiance as Jin laughed.  “I agree to your terms.  Be at our place by 8.”

As you hung up the phone, you checked the time.  6:40.  God, he hadn’t left you with much time to get ready, did he?

And you definitely needed to get ready.  There was no way you were entering a room where Kim Taehyung exists looking like booboo the fool, not again.

Your fingers press the 6 digit passcode to Namjoon and Seokjin’s apartment, arms heavy laden with your bag of toiletries and pajamas, and a bag full of wine.

“Honey, I’m home!” You announce as you toe off your shoes and slide into the combined kitchen and living room.

You receive no reply, but greeted with the amused face of none other than the object of your filthiest dreams, Taehyung.

“Pet names already?  We’re moving pretty fast, wouldn’t you say?” He asks you as he lounges at the kitchen table.  He watches you open the fridge to set the wine, as comfortable in their home as you are in yours.

“Fuck off,” you grumble. “Where’s your brother?”

Tae seemed absolutely tickled by your disgruntlement.  “I think they mentioned something about taking a shower.  That was 20 minutes ago, though.”

“Great,” you sigh. “Those fucking horn dogs act as if they’re still newlyweds.  We’ll be waiting awhile.”  

You tug off your sweater, leaving you to remain in a fitted tank top and yoga pants.  You tried to maintain a comfortable look as you dressed for the evening, while keeping in mind which leggings hugged your ass and showed off your toned thighs, and a tank top that dipped low to your cleavage.  Okay, so maybe you had ulterior motives. You wanted to make up for your dreadful appearance earlier and make him squirm, payback for the years of him doing it to you.

You watch him as he lets his eyes roam your body, eying you like he wants to ravage you completely. You feel victorious… and also turned on. Fuck, you played yourself.

You flop onto the couch in a huff and Tae snorts before joining you.

“What’s so funny?” You eye him suspiciously.

“Nothing,” his smile feigns innocence. “I’m not allowed to laugh?”

You sniff in annoyance, not eager to fall for his tricks. “You’re allowed to do whatever you want, your highness.”  Sarcasm drips from your voice and Tae finds it even more humorous.

“I see you’re still a sassy bitch.”

You gasp, audibly startled by his language and rise from the couch, fists clenched.

“I see you’re still a conceited dick!”

He rises to meet you where you stand, eyes boring into your own with his stupid sexy grin on his face.  “I see you’re still not one to back down from a fight.”

You step closer, close enough to feel his breath on your face.  Idly, you note it smells like peppermint and you move closer on reflex.

“Yeah? I see you’re still not one to avoid starting a fight in the first place!” you huff.

“Oh, I started it?”  

“Yeah, you started it! You called me a bitch!”

You can’t believe this is happening.  You feel as if you’re 6 again and fighting with him over a toy.

“A sassy bitch, actually,” he corrects, taking another step forward, bodies touching.

“Fuck you!”

“Only if you say please,” he quips before he closes the distance and presses his lips to yours in a scorching hot kiss.

There’s not even a moment of hesitation on your end, immediately pulling him even closer and wrapping your arms around his neck and allowing his tongue entrance to your mouth.  Your body reacts to his instantly, as if it’s wired to respond to him and him only. Your mind was blank of anything except Tae, only Tae please, and you acted purely on instinct alone.  And instinct was pulling him closer and begging, more, anything he could give.

The sound of laughter coming from the hallway pulls you apart, neither of you wanting to get caught by Namjoon or Jin.  You stare at him, his lips are cherry red and slightly swollen and the image burns into your retinas.  He has such pretty lips after you’ve kissed him.

“Oh hey! What’s going on here?” Namjoon asks as he notices the intense eye-battle you’re engaged in with his younger brother.

It shakes you out of the spell, eye contact broken and hypnosis halted.  

“Just, errrr,” you falter to find the right words to explain the situation.

“Just getting reacquainted.”  Tae sounds completely unaffected, as if the passionate kiss you shared with him seconds ago was but a distant memory.  Asshole.

“I’m surprised you two haven’t thrown anything at each other yet,” Jin laughs. “Or thrown yourselves at each other.”

Both you and Taehyung whip to look directly at Jin.

“Her!?” Tae is incredulous. “Gross.”

You’ll never admit out loud that his words wound you.

“You’re an asshole, Taehyung,” you punctuate your words by turning away from him and towards Namjoon, who appears amused as ever.

“Ah, I love when my best friend and my little brother are screaming at each other.  Feels like old times.  Can one of you cry now to complete the moment?”

Taehyung grumbles under his breath, something you can’t catch, and stalks off to his room.  The slam of his door reverberates in the apartment and Jin jumps and turns to yell down the hall at his brother-in-law.

“Yah! Don’t break my apartment! I still owe money on this!”

Despite Taehyung’s appearance every so often in the kitchen or living room, the rest of the night goes on with no annoying disturbances.

Jin spoils you and his husband with expensive food, and the best cheesecake you’ve ever eaten in your life.  Plus, you’re given the bowl to lick clean despite a desperately adorable pout from Namjoon you were sure would persuade Jin.

You’re settled on the couch, snuggling in the middle of the couple as an action movie flickers across the big screen tv.  Truthfully, you haven’t paid attention to a single thing happening, your thoughts entirely too absorbed in Taehyung and that deliciously infuriating kiss.  

Why did he do it?  You couldn’t comprehend his reasoning.  Perhaps he was doing it to piss you off.  He’s never angered you with that level of intimacy before, but you didn’t put it past him.

You’re surprised when the credits of the movie start rolling and Jin and Namjoon fake loud yawns.

“Oh man, I’m beat,” Namjoon lies.

Jin is quick to join. “Me too, I think I’ll pass out the moment I hit the pillow.”

You roll your eyes at the men. “Will you two please go fuck already, I know that’s what you’re going to do.”

Namjoon blanches, but Jin laughs and kisses your cheek. “Ah, my smart, beautiful and chaotic child,” he coos. He leans in to your ear, voice low to keep his husband from listening. “I don’t think I’m the only one in this house who’s going to get pounded into a mattress.”  

He pulls back and winks at you, deftly ignores Namjoon’s confusion and sadness of being left out, and drags him to their bedroom with a loud ‘goodnight’.

You’re left to stew in your own emotions, which is never a good thing.  Was the tension that obvious? You always assumed it had been one-sided, but the kiss befuddled you more than you’d like to admit.

It finally snapped in your mind, all the dots connecting. That’s why he did it.  

He kissed you so you’d stew and simmer and eventually erupt, like you’re doing now.  Taehyung knows you too well for your comfort.

You grab your bag of clothes and storm towards the bathroom to change, promising yourself to forget about the kiss and not give Taehyung what he wants.

Except you’re not very good at promises, especially to yourself.

You can’t say you’re excited to sleep on the couch again.  While it’s a nice couch, it’s definitely not a bed and your back will pay the price tomorrow.  You supposed it was better than the floor, but not by much.

After dressing in your pajamas, a purposefully picked out combination of tiny shorts and a sports bra in case Taehyung happens upon you, you return to your bed for the night in the living room.

Namjoon graciously left blankets and a pillow out for you, and you’re complaining internally about Taehyung the whole time you make yourself a spot to sleep.  If it wasn’t for stupid Taehyung and his stupid existence, you’d be sleeping like a baby on the guest bed that you loved.  But no, they relegated you to the couch like an animal.

Sleep was not in the cards tonight, it seems.  You toss and turn and try to press at the cushions to move a lump around and get comfortable, but it’s all for naught.  You’re wide awake and very, very uncomfortable.  You didn’t understand how you fell asleep on this very couch earlier in the day.  Maybe the mimosas you had at brunch with the couple had been helpful.

A thought crosses your mind. Alcohol.  Maybe a nice glass of wine would help tuck you into a peaceful, dreamless sleep.  A nightcap. Of course.  You were angry at yourself for not thinking of it hours ago.  

You slipped out of your disagreeable bed and into the kitchen, trying not to make a sound.  Jin’s beloved kitchen was also an echo chamber of noise, even the slightest sound bouncing off its walls and amplifying it through the whole house.  You still remember the way you jumped five feet in the air when Jin accidentally broke a plate.  It sounded like a bomb explosion.

You bite your lip as you carefully pry the cabinet of wine glasses open, careful to not even allow a squeak of a hinge.  You silently beg to stay silent and not wake anyone in the house.  You didn’t want to be caught drinking wine at 2 am in the dark, that’s difficult to explain without looking like an alcoholic.

With glass in hand, you tiptoe the fridge to pull out the bottle of merlot, thinking the heavy red wine would be the best to get you sleepy and quick.  

You tug the cork from the bottle and pour a healthy amount into the stemware with a smile.  Liquid sleep.  And you had done it without making a single sound. Perfection. The smell of the alcohol permeates through your nose as you lift the glass, placing it to your lips to take a sip.

“Wine at this hour?” the unexpected voice of Taehyung echos through the kitchen, making you yelp and jolting you hard enough that you drop the hard-earned glass of wine to the tile floor, red wine splashing as the sound of glass shattering is reverberating off the walls.

“Fuck!” You screech at the intruder.  Taehyung doubles over, laughing as if he’s seen nothing funnier than what just transpired.  “You asshole!”

You listen past Taehyung’s incessant laughter to ensure the owners of the apartment hadn’t awoken during the ruckus. You definitely did not want to face a tired and agitated Jin to tell him you shattered one of his Tiffany crystal goblets.

Beyond Tae, the house is silent and you’re thanking whatever god is listening for keeping your best friends asleep.

The wine is everywhere, spilling into the cracks of the tile and splattered on the walls.  The crystal stemware is too; it shattered with such force that you see flecks of the shrapnel in all four corners of the room.

Tae wipes a tear from his face and you square a tempestuous look at him.  

“Fucking help me!  You made me drop it!”

Through snorts, he replies. “I didn’t make you do anything.  You did that on your own.”  Although he is arguing with you, he’s gingerly stepping into the kitchen and kneeling to pick up shards of glass.

“I wouldn’t have dropped it if you had come into the room like a fucking normal person,” you grit.

He collects the glass, the delighted grin on his face now permanent.  He’s relishing in your annoyance, you know he is, and it burns you from the inside out.

“It’s not my fault you didn’t hear me.”

“You could have turned on the light! Why were you in the dark like a freak?”  You’re grasping at straws, anything to pin this all on him.  It would quell the fire in your belly to push it all onto him, make you feel as if you’ve won.

Taehyung levels a look at you.  “And you weren’t also in the dark? Pouring a gallon of wine for yourself?”

Your cheeks flare red. Fuck, he definitely caught you there.  You’re playing verbal poker with him and the hand you’re dealt falls flat compared to his royal flush.  He grins, knowing he has you.

“Fuck you,” you snark, you go to insult when you’re backed into a corner.

“Ah, doll,” he winks.  “We talked about that.  Be careful what you wish for.”

The fire inside you is roaring to an inferno now, flames licking to your core. It’s a complicated mixture of anger and sexual energy. It’s infuriating that he’s able to make you feel every single emotion to the extreme. You hate that arguing with him turns you on, like it’s some perverse foreplay.  

You moisten your lips with your tongue as you process his words, and Tae’s eyes hungrily track the appendage as it glides over your lips.

“Fuck. You.” You emphasize perfunctorily.

All thoughts of wiping up the mess are forgotten as Tae drags both you and himself off the floor and steers you to the living room, lips feverish against your own.  He pushes you into the couch and tugs his shirt off, before replacing his lips to yours.  

“Fuck, you’re so fucking hot when you’re a bitch,” he groans as he snaps the strap of your sports bra. “Seeing you get all worked up makes me so hard.”

He’s not wrong. You can see through his mesh basketball shorts that he’s sporting an impressive package, rock hard in its clothed prison.

“Yeah?” You bite at his lip.

“Hell yeah.”  His hands work to the elastic band under your bust and tugs the offending material off, tits springing free as he throws it to the floor.  

“Holy shit,” Taehyung breathes as he gets a good look at your chest.

You shake them gently, grinning as he watches them jiggle.  “You like what you see?”

He smirks and pinches a nipple, wiping the coy smile off your face and turning it into a moan.  “I like when you’re mouthy, but don’t push it.”  

He lowers his head to the nipple he’s still pinching in his fingers, licking at it and replacing his fingers with his mouth.  He’s moaning around the nipple, and you’re gasping for more.  His hot mouth sucks at you, teeth nibbling and pulling it until you’re whimpering in delicious pain.

“Fuck!” He cries as he pops away from your nipple.  “You’re so fucking hot.”

Your body warms at his words, arousal pooling between your legs.  You’re sure that your thighs are drenched in your essence.

He slurps your neglected breast into his mouth, ensuring your nipples are equally abused.  His tongue is skilled but his mouth is messy, saliva dripping all around your tit and it’s the hottest fucking sight you’ve ever seen.

He’s pulling away again and pinching both nipples with his hands simultaneously. “And you’re so fucking annoying.”

You’re pleading for more or to stop, you’re not sure.  He continues.

“Mm, I’m gonna fuck you until you’re a good little bitch for me. Listening to every fucking thing I say.”

He releases your nipples, and you finally find the ability to focus again, staring directly at him.

“Oh, you think you’re that good?” you sass as you attempt to catch your breath.  “Put your money where your mouth is.”

Tae grips your chin roughly, face inches away from yours with a sadistic grin. “You’re going to regret those words, baby.”

Instantly, he’s standing up and tugging his shorts down to let his cock spring free.  Your brain misfires as you visually measure his cock and your mouth goes dry. He’s thick and long. The bulbous head is dripping pre-cum, begging you to slurp it up.

“How about I put my money where your mouth is,” he suggests as he grabs a fistful of your hair.  

He teasingly rubs his cock on your lips and cheeks, makes you whimper with need. Your tongue is sticking out, desperate for him to lay it on you.

“Already so fucking greedy,” he grunts and in one motion, directs his dick into your open mouth. “I’ll fuck your throat, yeah? Greedy bitches love getting face fucked.”  He is still for a beat more, eyes searching yours for consent and you nod with his cock still in your mouth. He winks, then begins a rapid pace, his cock fucking into your mouth and throat.

You’re sure you look like a goddamn mess with saliva dripping from your mouth as Taehyung punishes your throat with his thrusts.  You gag and moan around him, and he tightens his grip in your hair as you see stars.

It’s indescribable. Never have you felt such pleasure from sucking cock, but Tae commands your entire body, willing you to drip with anticipation.

“My little fuck toy, god you feel so fucking good,” he hisses. “You’re gonna swallow my cum, baby.”  

His hips are stuttering, he’s close, and you’re sucking him harder, cheeks pulling in harder to vacuum him in. The pressure makes him groan out loud.

“So good, so fucking good. Get ready for your prize, baby,” his voice cuts off in a gasp, as his cock twitches violently. His legs shake and he doesn’t hold back the moans of his orgasm, gasping as he feels rope after rope spill down your hot throat.

Your big doll eyes are twinkling up at him, lips still wrapped around his cock. Taehyung is sure it’s the hottest thing he’ll ever see in his lifetime.  You on your knees, subservient to him and thriving for it.

“Mmm, I like it when your mouth is full like this,” he slowly pulls out of your mouth, albeit reluctantly. “Can’t talk back to me when you’re sucking my cock like a whore.”

You smile and stick out your tongue, pleased to show him you happily accepted his cum.

“Good fucking girl,” he coos as he grips your chin again. “Did you like my cum?”

You nod, brain fried from the heat of the room.

“Use your words,” he grits and grips your jaw harder. It’s enough to shock you into compliance.

“Y-yes! Fuck, I love your cum, Tae.”  Your words are breathy and raspy, throat raw from his barrage.

“I knew you would, filthy slut.  Sit on the couch.” He orders and you’re quick to scurry and sit on the makeshift bed you made.

His hands are tugging down your shorts quickly. No teasing or seduction here, not now. You lift your hips, and he throws them aside. Your legs close on reflex, making him growl.

“Do not hide yourself from me.” His tone is dark and you can’t help but shiver as you open yourself up to him. You want to talk back, want to fight and bite at him, but you’re quickly losing the ability to even speak, and you’re aching for him.

“Where’s my mouthy little bitch? You’re awfully quiet. Did I finally break you?” He teases, pressing your legs upward, knees to your ears. It’s pornographic how on display you are for him, soaking wet cunt front and center.

“The great Taehyung thinks he can break me with his cock,” you mewl, mustering all the false confidence you can. You’re lying through your fucking teeth and you both know it, but you continue. “You’ll have to do more than that.”

Your pussy is quaking with need now, desperate for a single touch. His hands maintain purchase on the backs of your thighs, holding them up.

“There she is,” he bites at the flesh of your leg closest to him which makes you jerk in his hold. “Gonna fuck the brat right out of you.”

He removes a hand from your thigh and you’re quick to pick up the slack, holding the thigh in place to maintain his open show of your pussy.

“Try me,” you murmur, and you’re instantly regretting your words as a harsh slap descends and lands square on your cunt.

You nearly scream, pain flooding your wanton pussy, before turning into delicious pleasure that stings and tingles right at your clit. It sizzles, and warmth blooms where his hand was.

“That’s for not believing me.”  His eyes are feral and you want to bottle this memory forever.  

Another slap has your legs trembling, eyes rolling back as the burn turns to a low heat.  You’re dripping your wetness down onto the couch and Jin will kill you, but you don’t care.

“That was for calling me a dick,” he smirks.

Smack.

Tears spring in your eyes as the slap brings more pleasure than pain, desperately close to your edge.

“Look at you, you could cum just from this, couldn’t you?”

“F-fuck! Yes, please, I need more, please!” Your cunt is clenching around nothing, desperate for friction and leaking out of you like a faucet. Taehyung marvels at you, legs spread so far, with a cunt weeping with arousal for more. He can’t wait to dive in there, but he’s not finished with you yet.

“More? I don’t know if you deserve more, baby, you’ve been awfully mean to me,” he tsks, breathing hot air on your clit, making you whine.

“P-please! I’m sorry!” You’re sure you will black out with how desperately you need him. You need him more than you need oxygen.

“Beg.”

You’re quick to submit. Thoughts of fighting back are long gone, you’re his wanton little slut now.

“Please, please! Pleaseeeee, make me cum! I’ll do anything.”

“Anything?” He asks with an arch of his eyebrow.

You’re nodding wildly, gazing at him with desperate, watery eyes.

“Anything, I need you so f-fucking bad it hurts!”

By the time the words leave your lips, he’s thrusting two fingers into your cunt viciously, fingering you ferociously. He arches them, rubbing against your spongy g-spot and making you scream. He knows you’re close, knows you only need one little push off the edge. He plays your body like a skilled practitioner.

“Cum on my fingers, baby. Let me see my greedy little bitch milk my fingers.”

Your body and mind react accordingly, deep down you know your body is owned completely by him, all his.  Your orgasm explodes and you think you actually scream, your vision is black and your hearing goes silent for a moment as you cum harder than you have in your life.  You’re squeezing his fingers with your pussy so tight and Taehyung is gently licking all the juices from his hand with his fingers still inside you.

It takes time to descend from the separate plane of existence Taehyung sent you too, but you come back and watch as he laps at the liquid of your cunt and on his hand like it’s a vital necessity. His fingers remain in your walls, and he refuses to break eye contact with you. You’re positive you could cum again from the sight.

“My little cockslut tastes so good, just how I like,” he tells you tenderly. “Like cherries, so sweet.  My little cherry.”

Your cunt is aching and warming back to life as he pulls his fingers out of you. The loss is immense and you’re whimpering for more.

“Ah, ah,” he hushes you. “No whining. You’ll take what I give you.  Suck my fingers clean. Taste yourself.”

He presses his fingers into your mouth, earning him a sigh, the taste of you filling your mouth. You swirl your tongue around his fingers and suckle each one to ensure your tongue laves the entire surface.

“Fuck,” he whispers and it’s his first crack in his steel reserve. “Needy.”

He pulls his fingers from your mouth and presses against you to kiss. It’s gentle, sweet, and nothing compared to the man assailing your pussy with slaps moments ago. It thrills you just the same and you return in kind, threading your hands in his wavy hair.

He pulls away and presses his forehead against yours, a moment of gentleness you actively welcome.

“This little cunt ready for me?” He whispers and you’re whimpering your reply.

“Please, fuck me. I need you to fuck me until I can’t walk.”

He grins and presses a kiss to your lips again, sweet and chaste, before he pulls away and slides down to attach those same sinful lips to your pussy.

It’s so unexpected you flinch and manage a cry as his tongue slurps up more of your delicious essence and his mouth moves to suckle on your clit. You’re not sure where the fuck he learned these tricks, but you know now you will never let him go.

“Taehyung!” You cry at the sensation. “Fuck!”

After receiving the reaction he was desperate for, he slips his tongue into your walls deep and gathers as much of you as he can, before he’s pulling back and swallowing you down.

“I couldn’t resist. Your cunt was made for me to devour.”

He doesn’t allow for a response as he throws your legs over his shoulders and lines himself up at your core.

“Condom?” He asks you, and you level a quick look at him.

“I don’t live here! I don’t have any!”  You’re savage, terrified he’ll pull his cock away when all you want and can think about is the way he’ll feel pounding into you.

“Don’t be rude, baby,” he reminds you with a swat to your ass. “I’m clean, promise. You?”

You nod quickly, reveling in the spank’s tingle. “Same. I have an IUD too,” you sigh. Thank god for medical birth control implants.

“Good. You’re the only pussy I’m gonna fuck from now on,” he promises. You know you must talk about this later, when you’re thinking rationally and not with your aching pussy.  

Your heart stutters and leaps into your throat but all is forgotten as he plunges into your tight heat.

“Ohhhhh shit, ahhh,” he gasps. “Baby, you’re so fucking tight and wet.”  He’s on the verge of whining, becoming just as needy and greedy as you.  He wastes no time in setting a pace.

His cock fills you completely, his angle allowing him to go as deep as he can, pressing the beginning of your cervix.  This is surely what heaven feels like.  It feels like the completeness you feel with Taehyung fully sheathed inside you.

It comes alive with flames and explosions as he fucks you, hips pistoning to plunge in and out of you with tenacity.  He fucks you like he laces every single thrust with more, more than just sex. He fucks you with purpose.

You’re moaning like a pornstar now, high pitch wails and gasps and breathy moans are all you can manage. “Taehyung, yes! Feel so g-g-good!”

“That’s right baby, scream my fucking name. Make sure all the neighbors know who fucking ruined you,” he nearly spits, cock thrusting into your core at an impossible speed. “I want you to tell all of Korea who owns you. Who owns this tiny little cunt?”

The wind leaves you, and you’re gasping for air, gaping mouth open as you try to reply. It takes him fucking into you harder a few times before you feel it rush back into you.

“You, Taehyung!  You!  Fuck, I love your cock!”

His thumb rubs at your engorged clit, allowing it the friction it seeks.  He bends forward and wraps his other hand around your throat, squeezing.  

Losing air combined with the friction on your clit has you keening, so close to the edge. You try to babble his name but nothing comes out.

“Look at my pretty little slut taking my cock so well,” he praises.  “You have the greediest pussy, don’t you? You need my cock daily, baby. Need to put my mouthy bitch in her place, remind her who’s in charge.”

He slows his pace but his thrusts are punishing, fucking into you as hard as he can. Your orgasm is climbing so impossibly high.

“F-fuck!” You gasp as he releases his grip on your neck. “Gonna cum! Please let me cum!”  

“Yeah baby, cum for me.  Cream your greedy pussy all over my cock.”

The world stops spinning as you hit the height of your climax and plunge down.  Your vision goes black and your body is quivering and convulsing nearly as hard as your cunt is. Taehyung hisses at your walls sucking him in, as if you’re begging for his cum, begging for more.

“Fuck, good girl, baby, holy shit,” he’s breathless and so close.

You’re overstimulated, boneless, but he wrought two of the best orgasms you’ve ever felt in your life and you’ll be damned if you leave him high and dry.  You bite your lip as you move with him, hips pounding against each other. His face is scrunched up and you know he’s close when he’s stuttering on his words.  You take over for him.

“Please cum in me baby, please.  Fill me up. I’m yours, baby, mark my little cunt as yours.”  You don’t know where it’s coming from, but you keep it going. It feels as natural as fucking him does. “Please, Taehyung!”

At the sound of his name leaving you in a whine, he spirals down his own completion. He feels his cock pulse as he empties his load into you, your walls still reverently beckoning for him. He’s calling out your name, grasping at your tits as he finishes and you’re smiling from ear to ear. Your pussy is warm with his seed and you’re positive it’s the way you want to feel every single night.

“Holy fuck,” Taehyung rasps as he pulls his cock out of you. He thrills as he watches his cum follow, slipping out your folds and down your thigh. “I definitely marked you.”

You hum in reply, finally allowing yourself to soak in the haze of orgasmic bliss. Tae presses his head to yours again, kissing you sweetly.

“Come sleep in my bed?” He asks. He means more behind it. He wants to ask you to sleep in his bed every night, stay with him every day, be the one he grows old with. He knows there’s still more to talk about, wounds of the past to heal, but now you’re with him, and he knows he’ll work through anything.

You nod, and kiss him again, understanding his hidden meaning laced in his words.

A sly smile spreads across his face. “Last one to bed has to take the blame for the wineglass,” he teases. Your head spins as if you’ve got whiplash.  He can switch from dominating to sensitive to the little shit he is so quick.

“Hey! No fucking fair! You fucked my ability to run out of me!”

“Shouldn’t have been such a sassy bitch,” he winks before he tears away towards his room.

“Taehyung, you’re an asshole!” You call as you limp your way behind him.

From behind Joon and Jin’s door, a critical voice bellows, “YAH! I’ll kill you if you got your jizz on my couch! And what is this I heard about my glass!!? HEY!  Those are TIFFANY. CRYSTAL. THE DISRESPECT!”

You slip into Taehyung’s bed and wrap yourself around him, the two of you gasping with mischievous giggles.

Kim Taehyung will always be the one who knows how to drive you wild. He’ll always aggravate and infuriate you, send you reeling.

But now you didn’t think you minded it at all.

© ppersonna - 2020 - do not repost on any site, or translate without express permission from author.

[bucky-iss-bae]

The Perfect Man (Bucky Barnes x Reader)

A/N: This... this probably isnt my best work. I lost my job this morning. I’m feeling like shit. I started to worry about everything and it’s been a bad fucking day. Feel lonely and lost so pls just pray for ya girl xoxo 

This I started to write and didnt stop.I just typed and typed. I didnt even know what I was writing, it probably makes no sense. 

I hope you do enjoy - Sorry for the mistakes and confusion bc ya girl is ready to cry herself to sleep xoxo 

(Side note - I’ve now got time to write lmao)

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader 

Fandom: MCU/Marvel

Summary: Reader has a bad day and Bucky fixes it. 

Warnings: Brief mentions of Anxiety, some angst. But also fluff xoxo 

Word count: 1600

Masterlist Fandom List

Everyone has bad days, they’re inevitable. Days where you want to curl up in a ball and cry, listen to that sad song playlist on Spotify and ignore the world. Ignore everything around you, quiet down the stress and anxiety that’s going on in your head, and try, try, to relax. It never happens though.

Instead life comes at you at 120mph, you’re constantly working towards deadlines constantly working towards trying to get the job done, and never leaving any time for yourself.

When you had days like this, Bucky knew. He could sense it in the way you messaged him. From the moment you replied to his good morning text (because god forbid you be up at the hour that man is), and although he’s always acting like a grandpa with technology, the way your own nana does, he understood it, but maybe a bit better.

He could sense the lack of enthusiasm in your text messages, the way you used your words were different than usual. Bucky knew you had days like this, everyone has days like this. Bucky sometimes has days like this. But the difference between the two is, Bucky has access to a therapist whenever he likes, Bucky went through something traumatic, his whole life being a trauma. Instead now, you’re his happy place. The place where he feels safe, where his mind can relax, where he feels at ease.

Luckily for you, you were the same. You knew that the only thing better than curled up in a ball crying, listening to sad music would be if Bucky were to hold you in his arms. Doing this could keep the tears at bay, but that heavy feeling sat on your chest, it could be ever so slietly lifted while curled up against Bucky, and then you know as the day goes on, the night goes on, it’s like that heavy lift is completely gone just by him being there, by him making you happy, keeping you safe.

Today was a bad day, Bucky knew it, the same way he always did. Although it was rare for you in comparison to him, he still caught on quickly.

He left for his run at 4am with Steve and Sam, got back in at half 6. He sent you a message, and usually you were halfway through rushing and getting ready for work. Being an elementary teacher meant you had to be at school for 7 or half 7 most days to feel organized.

That meant waking up at about half 5 or 6am, meaning while on your way to work, you could have a quick chat with Bucky before teaching 30 little rascals, all of which held a special place in your heart no matter how stressful the day could be.

But this morning, he knew something was up, you usually replied within about 5 minutes, it was routine for the two of you, as soon as he got out of the shower, he would call you, and you would be with your coffee, ready to go.

But he finally got a message long after his shower,

‘Running late, talk later’

The simplicity of the text was something he stared at, the compared it to other messages, Bucky was scared he had done something wrong, the night before he might’ve said an off-handed comment that annoyed you. But then he couldn’t think of anything, you always put a small emoji at the end of your messages, or at the end of conversations, which this definitely was. Or when you’ve ran late in the past, it’s been a voice note, or something else.

He had a funny feeling, and he knew today, despite it being Friday, would be a long day for you.

He knew you would be home for about 5pm, so he had until then to make sure everything would be perfect, everything would be exactly as you want it to make you feel safe and happy, and to help you through a day that would essentially be the worst.

The two of you had been in a relationship for a while now, long enough for him to often stay at your apartment, or for him to be comfortable enough there by himself.

He started of making sure he had all the ingredients for your favorite food, it was a must, he also made sure that he had some flowers, chocolates, and a few of your other favorite treats there as well, which may or may not be a bottle of wine.

He set the presents aside before getting started on everything else. Your apartment was already so tidy so he didn’t need to make many changes, instead he set up a little fort, something that he used to do with his sisters. Building forts out of whatever they could find.

He added a few fairy lights and had bought some scented candles that had already been lit around the room. He also added a few face masks that he would be hoping to use tonight.

After organizing everything he moved onto the cooking. When his mama raised him alongside his sisters, he knew the basics of cooking way back when, but now it was entirely different. Now he had Sam teaching him the same way his own mom used to. Sam gave him spice and flavor, what works and what doesn’t for so many meals. He made sure to incorporate all of this now.

It had been a strangely long day, one full of anticipation, hoping he hadn’t over stepped, he got Sam to grab some cupcakes from your favorite bakery, setting them aside with the rest of your gifts.

He made sure that he looked presentable for the time you were due to arrive home, not forgetting the bath salts and candles in the bathroom ready for your arrival.

Bucky heard the click in the door and his heart rate went right up, he saw you enter. He saw how tired you looked from your face, the bags that meant your sleep wasn’t as good as it could’ve been, and maybe your day. He saw the usual light that surrounded you dimmed down, despite Bucky Believing you look at beautiful as ever, he knew that today had been a mentally rough day.

Your bags dropped when you entered the apartment, gasping as you looked around. You could smell the fresh warm candles, the strong smell of food, everything felt like home, what you just wanted to come home to, all day and every day.

You eyes landed on Bucky stood there looking nervous, he was wearing the comfiest clothes imaginable, gray sweats, and a fitted t-shirt. It made your heart melt as tears started to stream down your face. Overwhelmed with the love he showed for you.

“Bucky” you whimpered, you had felt bad in the morning, when you had less than 10 minutes to get ready, and you sent Bucky an incredibly blunt message. You had felt bad all day, but it had been such a difficult day for you to get through. But looking at this man in front of you, he knew you too well.

“What’s all this?” you whispered out through your tears,

“This… is to show you how much I love you Y/N. To show you that I love you just as much on the bad days, as I do good days. To show you that I will be by your side forever. That you don’t need to worry, and that I am here for you sweetheart. Always”

You couldn’t help the sobs as you cried into his chest. He held you and moved you to your bedroom, he held you and let you cry until you had gotten it all out of your system, you sat there red, tear stained face as he ran the bath for you, letting you choose your favorite bath crystals and bubbles you wanted to put in.

He sat and massaged your scalp, letting the stress of the day go by, giving you a glass of wine whilst in the tub.

Once you were dry, and in the comfiest clothes you own, Bucky carried you to the living room, the two of you sat in the fort he had built, and that you loved and sat eating your favorite meal,

“This is amazing Buck, I love it. I love you. Thank you so much” you whispered giving him a kiss,

The two of you were spending time in one another’s arms, watching films that made you laugh and cry, eating the food he made, the cakes he requested. You knew Bucky was the man for you.

“Sorry about this morning” you murmured, your head resting on his chest,

Bucky shook his head, “Don’t worry about it sweetheart. I know what it’s like. You’re allowed to be like that, I just hope that I can somehow make you feel better”

“I feel like the happiest person on the planet. I… was having a bad day, to them realize that my incredible man, spent the day making sure I had the best evening possible. Thank you, Buck,”

“Anytime sweetheart. I just hope you know that you are always safe with me, no matter how you feel”

Bucky really was a man unlike any other. He held you, made you feel happy, safe, and got you giggling like the morning had never existed. Bucky took away your fears, he mellowed the anxiety, and lifted that heavy feeling on your chest, he made you light again, he made all your pointless worries disappear because being in the right frame of mind, and having the right company can make all the bad disappear.

A/N: Again sorry for how bad this is, it just it’s been a really bad day for me. I just don’t even know what I was writing I just ughhhhh I wanna cry and cry and cry xoxo 

[bakugoubabygirl]

           okay before I start she going to choose one. Don't worry if its not the one you wanted her to choose bc its going to be  a Roller coaster  of emotions and a lot of back and forth for awhile  BC I FUCKING LOVE BOTH  OF THESES BOYS. also  there will be smut soon and it wont be vanilla .  

                                                        YOUR POV

          "Lets go before they find us" I whispered tugging on Bakugou arm.  He didn't say a word and followed me.  " Lets get some food at the stand" I gave him smile. Bakugou followed me he seem kind of moody though more moody then usual .           " Are you going to say yes?" Was he asking about tododroki. I didn't give much thought to that . I like him  a lot but if I was being honest with myself i had feelings for someone else.       " I dont know I like him a lot and i think it would be amazing. But i also think I have feelings for someone else. To be fair they haven't shown no sign of returning this feeling. Maybe I ought to say yes and forget about the other guy like that" I admitted.        " Who is this other guy" He asked. Why was he so damn interested and how can i tell him its him.         "Not telling" I felt my face getting red. Next thing I Knew I was getting pinned against a wall.           " Tell me" He growled. Why was this bothering him so much. If only he knew that telling him would ruin our friend ship . He would never look at me the way I look at him. because I was made to  be the villan.  Bakugou strive to be perfect at everything and I was not perfect.           " Bakugou Its you stupid" Then I broke free from his grasp . I didn't want t o know his reaction or have him mocked me. I hurried and disappear into the crowd.    Still haven't found any thing to eat my tummy started growl. When I heard my name being called out, The next thing I knew someone dragged me off  somewhere quite. I'm so sick of being pulled around today. It was my dad, Honestly I was relived that it  wasn't Bakugou .        " Hey  I know you and how your going to give it all but You need to make sure your head is clear. Ive been studying and your powers  feed off you emotions.  I want to make sure you have a clear head" he said worriedly .  OH god I'm screwed my head is far  from clear.         "  Yeah I'm not focusing on anything right now except for winning" I said and I fake smiled.          " that's Great I Know your going to make me proud. I may be rooting midoryia but Your my number one and I hope you win more." He smiled. Pulled me and for a hug.           " Thank you dad and don't worry Ill cut all there throats open" I laughed.      Then it was time to to go back to the arena.  Time  to face bakugou mental and physical . I think mentally would be harder to do.  Midnight call me and bakugou to fight first.  I try not to think about what had conspire between us earlier. I need to focus to keep my head cleared.              We both step into the ring. Bakugou goes to attack me and I dodge it just in time. Then I Blast one of my purple fire balls at him and he dodge to . This was really upsetting, and I  Take one of my shadow hands out and it wraps around his body. I started to think about how he never loses. He was perfect and every way and would make a fine super hero one day.   something you'll never be  the voice was back again.  

                                                 Bakugou  POV

She had her hand wrapped around me. I  had to escape and then I saw  Her starting to levitate off the ground. Her eyes flash purple there was a gasp from the crowd.  She slam hard into the ground  with the shadow hand. She was Going to kill me.        I jump up and fired another explosion at her this time using more force.  She shield it and then made a big shadowy fist at the ground causing it to erupt . I almost fell but then I caught my balance.  This time I used my full force now that I knew it wouldn't hurt her too bad.       The explosion was so big she couldn't shield it. She was on the ground and lay there for several of seconds.  I walked over her to see if I have won and if she was okay. She started to get back up again and she grabbed a whole of me again.      She grabbed me so tight with the shadow arm I couldn't breath.  My face started to turn purple I was pretty sure I was going to die.  The crowed was screaming to let me go But she wouldn't listen.   " Y/n Please let me go I cant breathe" I try to say but she didn't hear or listen. She wouldn't do this on purpose.  Something was seriously wrong . this was not her. " Y/n Please I love you" at that point I didn't fucking care if the whole crowed thought I was a simp . I love her and I need her to came back. Her eyes turn back to e/c when I said that.    " Bakugou" she gasps and then dropped me. I could barley move I'm pretty sure she won but she just stared at me. Her eyes started to tear up. " I give up" she yelled. Then ran out of the arena . They announced me winner and The nursing girl came to heal up my minor wounds.  I was livid that I won that way. She threw the fight.

                                                                   Y/N POV

     I Brought shame on my dad and my school. I brought shame on myself. The whole world watch it happen too. They watch me turn into a monster. I almost killed bakugou and He never going to want anything to do with me again. I sat outside the stadium on the ground.  I'm no hero I cant even go and face what I done.       I must of sat there for hours and hours. It was finally dark and everyone left. it started  to  pour down rain.   I decided to go back into the arena to pick up my bag and stuff.  It was dark except for a couple security lights. I found my bag when I heard a familiar voice.       " Tch where did you go?" Bakugou asked. Was he still talking to me.        " heard you won congratulation"  I gave him a smile. The air was so cold I could see my own breath. 

                                            BAKUGOU POV 

 " THATS NOT HOW I WANTED TO WIN" he yelled. " YOU GAVE UP THAT FIGHT WAS YOURS"        " I almost killed you .  I was created for one reason and one reason only. The whole now know so to. I let you guys down and I let my dad down. How can I be the princess of peace when I cant even find peace in my own head.  I'm done," I said  tears started to pour out my eyes.        " IF i was the bad guy you would of won. Your powerful and just because its hard your going to pack up then Your not who I thought you were " he scoffed.         " I almost kill you and maybe next time I will. I care about you too much for that to happen" I cried. I started to turn away.  He grabbed my wrist and pulled me agaisnt him.        " I know you wont. You stop because your good and you over came it. we just have to work on it. Please stay if not for yourself then the million you could save with that power.         " I dont know how I stopped myself. All I remeber is blacking out and then waking to see me almost killing youself." I explain.             " I said something to you and then you just snapped out of it" He said nervously .              " Oh well what did you say" I asked.  This could help me find the answer.      " I told you I Love you"  He blushed. This was a side of him I never seen before. I think im falling to. Todoroki was important to me but in the end bakugou been here.  I wasnt sure if I was ready to say it back. I grabbed his face and kiss him. He started kissing back first it was soft but then its starts to get more rough and passionate. He grabbed my ass and pulled me agaisnt him. despite the freezing rain , I felt warm.               He pulled away but remain eye contact with me as he pulled something out of his of his jacket. It was a small box and he handed it to me. " I wanted to give this to you when I ask you out after I won the festival correctly . That didn't go as I plan but I still want to win your heart. please accept this and be my girl. I never done this soft shit and I'm sorry if it not something I'm going to show everyday. Your worth taking my pride down a little I guess" His face was red.       I open it up and it was a sliver bracelet with his name on it and diamonds. It was beautiful and way too much. I had no idea what to say. " Yes Ill be yours" he pulled me into a tight  hug.      " lets go to my place you need to get out of the rain and getting late" he said gently. It almost scared me the way he was being so kind.                                                                      Bakugou POV         We arrived at my place. She look like she was about to past out. Today was a lot on all of us. I didn't really won the sports festival but at least I won the girl. I just got to keep that damn icy hot away from her. I wanted to rip the necklace off of her that he gave her. She mine now.        " Hey you stupid bitch your late" my mom bitch. No good job bakugou or nothing.         " Fuck you too hoe" I said back flipping her off. She was about to really yell, until she saw Y/n  come in after me.             " Hey Y/n nice to see you again. I saw you tonight you should of just kill him and not worry about it' she laugh. The fucking old hag meant as a joke. Y/n face turn white though.  I grabbed her hand and lead her up to my bedroom. She seem like she was still half in a daze.        " Lets get out of these wet clothes. You can wear anything of mine for now." I said awkwardly. I knew we were dating but I didn't know her boundaries . There so much I want to do with her. She needed sleep tonight though. we both did.   she started to strip off in my room.  Oh, she wasn't paying attention to anything really. I couldn't help but to watch in amazement though. She took  off her clothes and strip down till she was naked. I had to use all my self control to not do anything. then she put on one of my T-shirts that looked like a dress on her and then a pair of my boxers.  I strip down to nothing and but my boxers and laid on my bed.     " come here princess" I yawned. She crawled into bed and laid on top of me. She feel asleep instantly but then here phone started going off. I  Pick it up and looks at it.  Deku: hey are you alright. Me and your dad are really worried.    Damn deku fucking worrying about my girl. I didn't want to give her a dad the pro hero a reason to hate me though. Me: yeah I'm fine just staying at a friend house. I'm really sleepy so I'm going to go to bed.   Then there was other messages on the screen so I looked. Todo: hey  Y/n I'm so worried about you. When you see this please answer and I was wondering if we could meet up tomorrow to talk about today and I have something I wanna ask you. I hope your safe and sleeping well beautiful. Oh hell  no. She mine and he going to back the fuck off.  I took a pictures of her sleeping on my chest and I sent it. Me: she mine and she sleeping fine thank you. Back the fuck off  she mine now!!!!!! Todo: I see for now that may be it. I don't give up and I especially wont stop until she mine. You well slip and when you do ill be there for her. Your impulsive and abusive and don't deserve her. Me: You come any where near her your dead I blocked his number from her phone.  I wrapped my arms tight around her and I pass out.    The sun filled the room waking me up. She was still asleep. She was so beautiful and peaceful when she sleep.  Her phone started buzzing causing her to wake.   " Where my phone" she sat up straight looking for it. I handed it to her. The number didn't have a caller id. She scrunch her nose in confusion.     " Hello who is this " she answered.      " Todoroki, are you alright?" I heard him answered.  Great rich boy has more then one phone.     " Yes, what happen to your old phone number?"      " Long story, where are you at?"     " Bakugou house, why whats wrong?" she asked worriedly     " Ill be there In 20" he said and then hung up.  " Do you have anything else I can where by chance?" she asked   " I think you look fine in that Idiot" I snorted grabbing her wait.   " I cant go out like this" she said digging though the bag of mina and kiri clothes that they leave here.      " Your not going anywhere with him and no way in hell wearing that" She hold up a short pink dress of mina. Mina was shorter then Y/n so this dress was gonna not cover anything. She took off my shirt and put on the dress anyways not listening to me at all.    She grabbed my hair brush and tied it back out her face. she look stunning even though she didn't try and its for him.  " I fucking mean it your not going anywhere with him" I yelled.   " Chill out you have to trust me. He one of my friends and I'm yours so don't worry" she said try reassuring me. I almost lost her to him though. He going to try all Kinds of flirty shit. I cant be okay with this but I have too. She will leave if I'm too controlling.   " One hour then come back" I grumbled.  " I have to go home afterwards and talk to my dad" She sigh. She was right even though I wanted some time with her. The door bell ring and I hurried up to open it. IT was half and half baster.   " Leave your hands off of her and no flirty shit or I will Murder you" I screamed and then Y/n push me put of the way. I grabbed her and kiss her so fucking hard in front of him. She push me away and laughed.     " I'm sorry about him" she said. Walking out of the door with him. I kept trying to talk myself out of following them. I decided to invite shitty hair over to distract me.

IM open up to ideas and or request for my one shot books I'm doing. Thank you for read part 7 will be here Thursday at the latest

[voidselfshipp]

For the years to come

Cw: coping, using food to cope, beer ment, ask to tag.

Ok to rb.

Summary: my fix it fic bcs Marvel did me boy so dirty .

When she first met him, it was right after the disaster of New York

She was sitting on the starks tower balcony near the heliport.

Looking down at the world below, it was quite windy that day, and when she shivered he put his cape on her.

--cold miss stark?--stark thor, patting her back.

-- A bit, thank you though-- said jerico,smiling at him.

Then,after Jane broke up with him, she was there to comfort him, and their friendshipp grew with every passing day.

--yknow-- said Clint,-- I bet jerico could lift that hammer-- it was during a party that thor just wanted to mess around with the team.

--oh shut it barton -- said jerico.

--oh come on its worth a try!-- added the god of thunder pulling his friend closer to him.

--nope, just like nat said thats not a question I need answered

When the ultron mess happened, he was the first one to tell her to go somewhere safe.

-- I cant Belive im saying this-- Tony stark said-- but I agree with pointbreak here, youll be safe somewhere else

So she was sent away.

Jerico waited happily for his return to the earth, bringing his people here with him.

What followed was a slaughter.

And now here he was in New asgard.

--i dont even think the beers gonna do it-- said rocket.

-- I dont want to resort to this..-- said hulk.

--resort to what?

Thor almost spits his beer when he sees her again, he hugs jerico tightly, and he sighs,sniffing.

--jerico...what?--he tears up-- I dont want you to see me like this

Jer sighed, hugging him again-- youre the same thor that gave me his cape when I felt cold, thats what matters

The god of thunder looked at hulk and rocket-- im in then...

Tony, for his daughters safe keeping forbid her to help with the time travel, so she anxiously waited...and Waited.

--Dad!-- shouted Morgan hugging Tony, followed by jerico.

--And uncle thor!

Jer almost cries when he sees him, she hugs him tightly,and he hugs back.

--im back-- he whispered to her.

And even though he said he was going to go to space with the guardians, a part of him never left her.

--Peter I told you, Moms making dinner and she said theres a special guest coming, want me to pick you up?...okay...okay see you in ten , bye take care

--hey-- said pepper as jerico cut the call-- I promise its going to be okay

--why wont you tell me who it is?-- she asked to his mother.

-- because its a surprise, now go help dad set the table okay?

--yes mom

Twenty minutes later he arrived,if it Wasnt because she was too shocked she wouldve at least gasped.

-- thor! Oh thank god youre back!--she hugged her friend tightly as she could, he hugged back-- howd it go?

The Man laughed-- let me tell you about my great stories during dinner my friend, its been too long

During dinner, the god of thunder talked about his adventures with the guardians, skipping the Gore and gruesome details for Morgans well being.

And since then hes been staying at the compound.

--Thor! Wake up!-- jerico said banging on the door of her friend.

--Five more minutes!

--its your first day of getting better come on

Theres a silence that lasts some seconds before she hears him get out of bed and dressed.

--once, you helped me-- said she handing him some dumbells-- let me help you, youre my friend and I want you to be happy

-- I am happy!

--youre using food to cope, since loki came back from lord knows where, youve been eating more, doctors orders is a clean diet, workout and Friends support

-- your earth doctors dont know about asgardians

-- do they not now?-- she quipped patting his arm-- come on we got work to do

The first week was hard to get trough, the second it started well.

--thank you for helping me with my hair jerico-- said thor, handing his friend the shampoo.

-- hey Man whenever you need me-- answered the human cleaning her Friends hair.

He wont tell why he let her help him, after all that happened he couldnt loose her, she was his closest friend, she was there when the world was rough, and stuck with him through it all.

But the feelings he had for here went far more than that , but would she even like him?.

He didnt know the answer to It, but if he did he would be surprised.

-- hey...youre quiet, you okay?-- asked jer.

-- no no im fine, just thinking

-- bout what? If its not too personal

--well, I didnt think itd go like this -- said the Man cleaning his beard-- when I first met you all those years ago, I was in love with you, the more years went on and things that happened I realized that the feelings I had for you were there, I never thought id say it, I was scared for the first time, of course this whole thing was a little bit more romantic in my mind,but here we are

Jerico smiled kissing his cheek-- finish taking a bath so we can have a proper declaration okay?

The Man nodds smiling.

After he bathed and changed he let her in his room again.

--i love you-- he said hugging her tightly like they did all those times before.

--me too-- she answered kissing him, he kissed back pressing his face on her neck.

-- what would I do without you...-- he whispered tightening his hug.

--dont ponder on that, focus on today, and those Killer Abs you got going on!

He laughed rather loudly, and looked at her-- I got them thanks to you, my dear

He kisses her cheek and smiles-- well, how about some food? After todays workout im starving

-- hmm I could use some food too, do you think our secret supply is still intact?

Both walk down the stairs to the kitchen

Deadly serious he goes--it better be

Both laugh and thor kisses jerico-- though if we have time, we should Cook togheter

--we should...I Like that idea

Thankfully the kitchen was Emtpy, and though the god of thunder didnt mind company, the lack of it made everything a bit more romantic, and special, just the two of them

-- for the years to come-- he said raising his beer glass.

-- for the years to come-- said she clinking her glass with soda with his.

As they Ate toghetet they watched a movie.

For the years to come indeed.

[thekingsparty]

triggering cat stuff under the cut, so don’t click the thing if you can’t handle, but short story short - me is heartbroken still, me has nightmares and i’m about to try sleeps-ies. goodnight all <3

mom’s slowly shifting towards anger at the vet... instead of utter devastation. part of me wants her to meet the man again in a few weeks when she’s ...further towards anger than now. he would bleed for sure. mom’s not been violent at anybody or anything since high school, but taigi was her child, too. i... know that wouldn’t bring my baby back.. nothing will, ever. but part of me thinks that maybe that would be a wake-up call and that next time he’d take a minute to think about his decisions when giving sick cats meds. like... as a normal human, you go to the vet for help.. you trust them to know what meds can be given at which occasion. if the owner had to decide and research.. we wouldn’t need vets, y���know. it’s just.. i think part of why mom and i struggle so hard is that. it wasn’t fair, it wasn’t his time, it wasn’t supposed to happen. it only happened bc that vet didn’t do his homework and that is the part that hurts. 

what also hurts a lot is that katzi doesn’t cuddle me. she’s always liked mom better and when i touch or hold her she fights and runs off. i feel so lonely. i could always go find taigi and snuggle him for a bit, kiss his head and just enjoy not being alone. i’ve not cried in a few days, but today’s been rough and it just all broke loose on me. i stumbled over a picture i took on the first day of those fckn meds. he was fine. he ate and drank and cuddled and played. then within 3 weeks he was gone. it was so quick we never expected it and then it was too late. mom mentioned yday how she will never forget the last 10 minutes.. the struggle... but also not my reaction. 

i’m not proud of it. i know now that he would’ve needed someone calm and collected as he was probably scared, too, but i full on went into hyperventilating+crying+sobbing+begging+my-heart-is-dying-with-you mode and i think seeing me like this almost scarred her more than watching our baby die? i have nightmares of it every night, so i can only assume she does, too -be it me or taigi. but i also don’t regret being there.. the last thing i wanted was for him to die cold and alone on the bathroom floor. i never would’ve been able to forgive myself for that. 

anyway... it’s been a while since i said anything.. the pain feels like yday, but it also feels like i’ve not held my baby in forever.. so idk honestly. katzi seems so lost lately.. sometimes she’s just staring, or listening like she’s waiting for someone. you always heard taigi bc his claws never quite went short enough not to make sounds when he walked. mom said she hears him every day, i keep seeing him in the corner of my eyes. when i wake... which is every other hour at least, i keep checking under my bed to see if he’s there and then i remember. it’s only been a little over a week, so i know it takes more time. yet i’d give all i have to turn back time.

mom brought up the other day she’s been thinking about seeing whether there’s a cat born on sept. 25th in a few weeks. it would be kinda silly, but... y’know. the fact she went from no more pets ever to i was thinking... is progress in her mental state, too, i think.

in other news tho, the new vet is v nice and currently we can only wait and see. katzi’s getting taigi’s vitamin b cream bc blood test showed her liver wasn’t doing too hot and until in 3-4 weeks we won’t know if that’s bc of the thyroid (vet said it’s likely) or ..just general liver failure, so either way we’re supporting it with vitamin b. taigi only got to use like 1/10th of it. 

aaaaanyway.. i’m sticking to hiatus bc one day is ok like today and the next i can’t even use words well enough to post that i’m online, so yeah.. bear with me. 

[babystray-rescuecat]

Bo and Dimsum kittens update part 5: bad news, more bad news, and then good news

Dumpling is preggo. 😩

Ever since that whole fiasco when I foiled Dumpling’s attempt to elope with Romeo, I’d been keeping her in the crate. I let her out only from 2-4 pm when it was just too hot for her in the crate. All the cats would be full from lunch at this time and all they did was nap either in the garage, on the front porch, or in the garden under the big tree. Dumpling usually napped under the tree.

On Wednesday, April 22, I noticed Dumpling’s nipples got big and pink! That was the first sign of pregnancy I noticed with both Bo and Ellie. I think that happens around the three-week mark. So counting back, Dumpling got preggo when she was just around 6 months. 😞

I’m in shock. This is the complete opposite of what I was trying to do! I’m so upset I wasn’t able to get her spayed before the quarantine. She had that infection and her platelet level was low and I don’t even know if that’s still the case today. But she got more energy and appetite when she got pregnant.

I’m even more mad at myself bc I knew she could be fertile starting at four months. I should have kept her completely crated. But she’d pant and breathe heavy if I kept her in there all afternoon.

My mom said she saw Wonton and Dumpling having sex! I was out getting supplies and this was in the hot afternoon hours! Now I’m triple upset at myself that I let that happen! 😖

Now more bad news... we had a heatwave this past week (like 40 degrees! 😣), so that 2-4pm free time to nap on the cooler soil changed from 12-6pm. I figure she’s already pregnant anyway. She can’t get double pregnant. And since she got preggo, she stayed close. Never once went out to the street. And recently came running when I called. So I wasn’t too worried. But then she went down into the garage at around 6pm two days ago and she disappeared. I put out smelly wet food. Kept her litter box untouched. Called for her. Nothing. Nothing for 48 hours!

Good news now... I got her back!

Called for her again and heard frantic meowing at 9pm last night. And the only meowing heard here is... a cat either asking a human for food, yowling to search for a mate, or calling out for help. And this meowing was loud and I dunno... I could just tell this cat was in distress. So I walked down the street, following the cries for help, looked over a wall, and just found Dumpling stuck on a roof!

It was a roof of a one story building. An outdoor kitchen in someone’s walled in property. But bc I live on a hill, I had a good vantage point of the houses below and could see her from above. ... I made a rough sketch. Real rough... and an even worse quality video... 😐

Got permission to enter the property. The people were nice. Was in such a panic I forgot to wear a mask tho. We all kept our distance but still... welp.

Had to climb up a half wall next to the roof so I could reach her. (She probably could have jumped down onto this half wall and walked up the hill back home. But she was just so scared. 😢) She came right up to me. Scruffed her with one hand and had a carrier open and ready in the other. Just plopped her right in!

But she got frightened of suddenly having no solid ground beneath her. She clung to the door. Her tail wrapped tight around my arm. But I managed to shoot her butt through the opening. She ended up closing the door herself! Didn’t hiss or scratch once!

She is not allowed to walk about on her own anymore! Especially now that she’s almost to her due date.

Maybe... she went away to look for a better spot to nest. I give her a blanket in the crate, but perhaps she needs a few more cozy options.

I gave her food and water and a nice clean comfy blankie when she got back into her crate. BaoBao and Wonton welcomed her home. Siomai was only interested in the food I prepared for Dumpling. Bo didn’t wake up even as I walked right past her when we got back.

Poor Dumpling was alone out there for 48 hours! It had been raining and then was hot for the rest of the time. I think she had some shade from the adjacent building. But still... she was so hungry and tired. She ate only half her food before passing out. But then quickly woke up and ate the rest.

I feel like I failed her. She’s so small and way too young to be having kittens when she herself is still just a kitten.

I’ve been feeding her kitten food since I noticed her teats got pink and large. Every day she gets a total of about 2.5 cups of food. Two pouches of the kitten wet food with extra pet milk for calcium. And what’s left of the high quality Orijen, but there’s so little left, I have to mix in the new less than ideal dry food as well. She also gets 2ml of multivitamins.

She’s probably two weeks now from giving birth. Is there anything I can give her to make sure she has enough nutrients and to make her more comfortable? I can feel the individual bones in her spine. I can’t with the other cats except Siomai... (another post). I want to fatten her up and make sure her and her babies got everything they need to be ready for the big day!

[red-sterling]

(hey yall it’s hurt/comfort time based on one of those headcanons from last night bc i am in a hell of a way lately lol. tw for a mention of attempted suicide)

––––––––––––––––

When Red left, Green felt like his world had truly ended.

It was worse than when he lost the Indigo League, worse than when he got into his first big fight with Red, worse than when his Raticate died just a week after he found out how sick she was. It was worse than anything he had ever known.

He didn't know what to do. There was nothing to do.

Green wept when he got the call telling him the search was off, that his best friend was presumed dead, after four nonstop months of searching. He wept and he wept and he fell asleep in tangled in Red's old blankets in Red's old bed.

––––––––––––––––

"He's up here?"

"He is, yes. I don't know if he's awake yet."

He is awake, but he's empty.

The only way Green knows that it's raining is because he hears it outside; the windows are still completely blocked. Red covered them up with newspapers last year, just so he could feel safe in his own home, just so he could feel like there was at least the tiniest degree of separation between him and the eyes of the outside world. Green remembers understanding why Red did it, but not how he got to that point. He only remembers fully understanding just how strenuous the weight of fame was for him when he saw the newspapers; and oh, he knew, he knew Red hated being on camera, he knew Red hated the spotlight, but he didn't know just how bad it was until he saw his best friend's room blacked out with layers upon layers of paper, thin sheets stacked so thick that hardly any light could reach the inside.

Right now, the room is pitch black. It's raining outside - a thunderstorm - and the dim light can't penetrate Red's former room.

Right, former. Red isn't here anymore.

"Green?" Daisy calls softly and knocks on the door. "Can we come in? It's Daisy and Grandpa."

He doesn't answer. His throat hurts.

Green remembers mumbling a hoarse I'm sorry the night before, as if Red could hear him and come home, or as if whatever powers that be could hear him and bring Red home, or as if that could change anything. He remembers his voice almost sounding a bit like Red's, a bit rough and light, as if it wasn't his own voice, as if Red was the one apologizing through Green's lips, and honestly, Green would give anything to hear anything from Red ever again, but there's nothing he can say and nothing he can do to change the way things are now.

It's been four months since Red disappeared, and twelve hours since he was presumed dead.

Despite Green's not answering, Daisy opens the door a crack. The light from the hallway would be more blinding if he were facing the door, but no, he's facing the wall, the dresser, the lamp, the Game Boy and the cable that used to link to Green's own device, the loose seashells from Red's last beach visit and the most recent birthday card Green drew for him.

12, in a bold, bright font. Red was twelve when he was presumed dead.

"Hey, kiddo," Daisy hums softly, sitting on the edge of Red's bed. Green lays motionless under the blankets. "Are you awake?"

He doesn't answer. There was nothing he could say then. There was nothing he could say to stop Red. There's certainly nothing he can say now.

"Did he have anything to eat?" Daisy asks, presumably not to him, but to whoever else is in the room, a mom that he wishes were his own and a grandfather that he wishes was anyone else's but his.

"Not unless he ate while I was sleeping last night," Red's mom answers. He hears her take a few steps toward him, and he hears his grandfather's footsteps follow suit, but he just wants to be alone.

Well, not alone, no. He just wants to be with Red.

"Did you have a snack last night?" Daisy asks casually, almost trying to make the world seem normal, but the world isn't normal, it isn't right without Red, it isn't anything without Red, there is no world without Red.

"...no." Finally, he speaks, his voice muffled under a crackle of thunder. It feels so wrong. Everything feels wrong.

"You should have lunch, then," Daisy replies. "It's been awhile since you ate, right?"

"...I'm not hungry."

"Well, you can't starve yourself," Gramps finally speaks, and something in his voice sounds different. Something's a little softer, morose. It's probably because Red is gone.

Red is gone, and Green may as well be.

"Yes I can."

"Green," Daisy scolds - tries to scold, anyway, but her voice still comes out tender, quiet. "That's no way to act. You won't feel any better if you don't eat anything."

"'m not gonna feel better."

"You always get mopey when you don't - "

"My best friend is dead."

Silence.

Saying it out loud hits him like a pile of bricks, and he cries, but the tears come silently onto Red's sheets. He's careful to at least wipe his nose on his sleeve instead of the Pikachu plush that Red used to sleep with every night; he left it behind when he disappeared. Green wonders if Red still slept well those nights or not. He forgot to bring it to Green's house for a sleepover one time, and he didn't sleep until they called Red's mom to drop it off. 

He wonders if Red still felt like a kid when he ran away, if he still feels like a kid if he's still alive, he wonders if Red is still alive, he wonders when Red - if Red - will come home, he wonders if Red still sees him - or still saw him - as a friend, he wonders how long the plush will still smell like Red, he wonders if anything is ever going to feel right again or if he's ever going to move on or if he'll ever see Red again or how long it'll take him to die before he can see him again if Red is dead or if it hurt when he died or if his Pokémon are lonely if he died or if it would hurt if Green died or - or -

He wonders if Red missed him, too.

He feels Daisy's hand rubbing circles over his back through the blankets, and he feels himself shaking, and he's sure he's audibly crying, he can feel it in his throat but his ears are full of cotton. The plush feels worn. The sheets feel damp. His eyes feel like they're on fire. Everything feels wrong.

He wonders if anything will ever feel right again.

"Did you drink any water today?" Daisy tries again to care for him, but he just wants to wither up and blow away. He nods, though, and it's a blatant lie. "That's good." He's bad. He's bad for lying and he's bad for losing Red.

He was your responsibility.

Green wants to sleep. He wants to sleep, and he never wants to wake up again.

––––––––––––––––

"You can't stay here forever."

The rain is still coming down, gentler now, though, he can hear crickets outside, but now the room is lit. The light from Red's bedside lamp and the hallway are a huge eyestrain. It's making his head hurt, too, his head is pounding. Every time he even tries to move, he feels a wave of pain and nausea wrapped up in one. He feels like he could throw up if he tries to move. He feels like he deserves it.

"Green."

"Mm."

"You need to come home."

Hell no.

Green has moved from Red's bed twice today; once to close the door after the adults gave up on making him eat lunch, and once to use the restroom. Other than that, Green has been wrapped up in the blankets. It's as close as he can get to Red. It's as close as he can get to someone who's just... gone. That's the worst part of it all, not all the what-if's, what if he hates me and what if he's alive and hurt somewhere, the worst part is that Red, quite simply, isn't here.

"Green, please," Gramps continues with this weird tenderness in his voice, something Green has never heard before, and something he refuses to accept now. "You can bring the blanket with you if you really want to, you know. You just can't stay here forever."

"Watch me."

"Green." There it is, there's the anger, quiet but clear.

"What?"

"You have three seconds to get out of that bed."

"Count 'em. I'm not moving." There's no bite to a voice with tears in it, he realizes.

"One..."

He hears Gramps come closer, and he just doesn't move.

"Two..."

Closer, still.

"Three."

Nothing happens yet. For a moment, there's just crickets and rain outside, but then Gramps grabs Green by the arm and pulls him out of the bed, and Green doesn't stand but he doesn't fight, he just lets himself get dragged up, and when he deadweights on the ground, he doesn't even mind how much it smarts.

"Green!" It's a tone between irritation and concern, the same voice Gramps used whenever Green would come home covered in scratches and bruises from exploring the woods on the edge of town with Red.

With Red. He'll never be able to say that again.

For a moment, Green looks up at his grandfather, the esteemed Professor Oak. He looks up, and he doesn't feel anything other than fatigue. The professor's face holds more sentiment, that irritation, that concern, maybe even confusion about why his idiot loudmouth grandson is a living corpse right now.

"...are you hurt?"

"Yeah."

Gramps leans down next to Green, and he reaches out, and only now does Green recoil, edging back toward the bed. "Where does it hurt? Did you hit your head?"

"That's not what I mean."

Nothing is said. Green grabs Red's Pikachu plush and rolls over, facing away from anything but the underside of Red's bed. Against the back wall, he sees a notepad, a trace of Red.

But he doesn't see Red.

"What do you mean, then?"

It's raining harder again.

"Green?"

Green just - he just shuffles under the bed, toward the center, completely out of reach.

"Get back here, Green." The concern is muffled below irritation - or maybe -

"Go away." - maybe -

"I'm not leaving you here. Your sister and I are worried about you, you know." - maybe -

"You're not." - maybe -

"Yes I - "

"I know you hate me."

- maybe there is no concern.

Nothing is said. A lamp clicks, footsteps lead away from the bed, the door shuts, the room goes dark and Green cries and - and -

Green jolts awake.

It's raining, kinda windy, too. His eyes hurt and his cheeks are damp.

Green sits up. He's not under a bed, that's the first thing he realizes, he's not under a bed and he's - he's at his apartment, in his room his bed, under his own blankets. He looks to his right. Red is asleep next to him. Red is here.

The pain is still fresh, though.

"Red?" His voice wavers, hitches, even when it's this soft and this weak. He's oversaturated with the dream, the memory of how fucking horrible that was. He's overwhelmed with what was the worst time of his life, memories of someone lost and an unintentional suicide attempt by starvation. "R-Red."

"Mm..." Red hums sleepily, coming out of his own dream. His eyes blearily open, then widen when he sees Green's expression. "Hm?"

Green has nothing to say, but his heart speaks anyway. "Are you here?"

Quietly, Red pulls him back onto the bed, pulls him in close. Red presses Green's head against his chest and runs his fingers through his hair.

"I'm right here, I promise." Thunder rolls outside. "You're not dreaming right now. I came home for you. I'm here now, and I'm not going anywhere without you."

Red tenderly kisses Green's forehead, and Green hugs Red with all his strength. Red hugs him back with a pressure that almost hurts but it's a pressure he needs right now.

"I love you, Green."

"I love you too, Red." His voice is shuddering, weak. He feels so weak. "Don't let go."

"I promise I won't let go." Red says more when Green is like this, he uses more words, he knows how to speak when Green needs to hear him more clearly. Red doesn't like using more words than he needs to but he'll go the extra mile for Green and that makes him feel so so loved -

"I'm always going to stay by your side, Green, I promise. Can you trust me?"

Green sniffles, buries his head closer to Red, and nods meekly. "I trust you."

"Thank you, Green." Red plants another kiss on the top of his head. "I'm so proud of you." Pause. Thunder. "I'll never leave you again."

Green nods, sobs, he sobs with relief now and Red knows it. Red cards his fingers through Green's hair and kisses him and rubs circles on his back until Green falls asleep to the sound of Red's heartbeat.

He falls asleep against Red, and he feels full again.

[bismillahnah-blog]

‧̍̊˙˚˙blue-eyed angel

summary: roger and brian are always kissing, but not as boyfriends. they are always kissing as bestfriends - at least that's what roger thinks -

warnings: children's first kiss, some angst, homophobia (mentioned), hints of depression, it changes POV after first flashback

author's note: first of all, I want to thanks @someone-get-a-medic for helping with the plot, title and being my alpha reader (they are awesome, really). in this fanfic, rog and bri have 2 years of difference, and roger's girlfriend isn't named (bc i don't like to make the boys ex's and atual girlfriends being bitches) but if you want you can imagine her as dominique. i've been working on this since i got 200 followers - THANK YOU GUYS SO MUCH - so this is a kinda of a late gift. that's everything, bye guys!!!

I stayed still. With his lips pressed on mine, there wasn’t too much I could do. It was pure, angelic, and innocent; like the devil itself had decided to let the sin walk amongst the guiltless souls of children, with the approval of God.

Waking up, my mind was racing. I can’t stop my mind from going back to the moments that are still lucid in my thoughts. The kiss. How could I forget it? I mean, it was years and years ago, but I couldn’t stop my dreams even if I wanted to. In fact, I would give everything to go back to his arms.

Why, dear Roger, why?

The boy was just like the devil, with his blue eyes ready to drown anyone who dares to come closer. But, for me, there was a different danger hidden in his emotional but cold eyes. For me, the fire was now blue, and I was ready to get burned until my soul would beg for forgiveness.

Of course, I was in love, who wouldn’t be when Roger wouldn’t stop flirting? Since he discovered what he could do by only blinking his beautiful eyes, he wouldn’t stop using, but I think his kind of behavior started in his early years, because I am very sure our first kiss was shared when we were only kids. I can remember, I’m not crazy.

“Do you think they will get us, Bri?” Roger finally spoke after a very long moment of silence. They were running from a few boys who wanted to throw rocks at the blonde, but Brian, using his height as an advantage, tried to defend the little boy, but the only thing Brian could do was look scaring, and the other boys noticed this after a few minutes, and this is how Brian and Roger ended in a park, hiding in a tunnel slide, at night. The moon was the only witness.

“I think they are only trying to scare us, Rog”

“Isn’t that what you were doing?”

“Yes, but I wasn’t scaring. They are” Brian said, locking his hazel eyes in the little’s figure.

“I think you are scaring, Bri. Excep… Excep…-”

“Exceptionally, Rog” The older said, smiling to himself at the cuteness of the scene: Roger pouting his lips while trying to remember what was the word he was looking for.

“That thing!” Roger said, smiling for finally using adults words “Well, I think you were expect something scaring when you were doing that angry face”

“I was exceptionally scaring when I did my angry face? Like that?” Brian replicates the face he did moments earlier, wrinkling his forehead and crossing his arms in his chest, while he puff his cheeks.

“Yes, like that!” The laughter of the boys could be heard through miles, the echo walking through the walls of the tunnel, reaching the stars, making even the moon smile back.

“Mom and dad were fighting again today. So you know what I did?” Roger spoke again after the laughter died. The boy could never stay silent, even if he wanted, always wanting to make some noise.

“I went to watch TV, and I discovered something that only grown up persons do”

“What did you discovered?” Brian asked with curiosity. They were still young, no surprise that a lot of things were new to them, especially those that the adults wanted to hide from them.

“Two persons, with their lips into each other mouths!” The look of shock took over Brian’s face. He couldn’t believe it, who would do it a kind of thing like that? It was disgusting! Some boys and girls even eat mud with their mouths, so why put your mouth into it?

“Why would they do something like that?”

“I think that when someone likes each other, they kiss” Roger then started to describe the scene, trying to not let any details escape: his hands wouldn’t stop moving, his eyes trying not to meet the profound gaze of Brian, and trying not to mispronounce any big word that he has heard the characters saying.

“So, it’s called kiss?” The new word sounded strange after escaping Brian’s lips. He touched them, trying to imagine another pair of lips in his own.

“Well, the characters said that they could kiss again after this, so I think it’s called kiss”

Going back to these memories, Brian could swear he could hear the devil whispering in his ear at that night. “Do it, do it, do it”. How could he not accept Roger’s suggestion when himself, even at a young age, was already wishing to feel the blonde lips on his own, it was sinful, it was his one way ticket to hell. He knew that. Hell is not reserved for those parents who scream at their children after losing their tempers in frustration; is not reserved for those mentally ill who don't know what’s right and wrong. It’s reserved for those who know their actions are wrong and do them regardless of the consequences, regardless of the innocence of those who will be affected.

“If kiss is what people do for those they like, we can kiss too?” Roger was with his head on Brian’s lap. Brian, of course, jumped in his own seat: he thought the blonde was already sleeping after getting his hair played with for too long. It was a very rough day; Roger was tired after running all day from the kids who hated him and his sharp tongue, and Brian couldn’t help but come to rescue, the tunnel slide becoming their second house.

“I don’t know. Do you know how to do it, Rog?”

“I think I do. I didn’t ask mom and dad anymore because every time I asked, they would start fighting” Sadness took over the blonde expressions, he was starting to frown his eyebrows, and Brian was certainly sure he was remembering a scene that happened very often in his house.

“We can teach each other and get better at it!” The older spoke, trying to cheer Roger up, and it worked. His expressions lifted up as soon as the words left Brian’s mouth, with his blue eyes sparkling under the night.

“Well, in the movie I saw, the girl is in the boy’s lap” Roger got up, and Brian opened more his legs, already knowing where this was leading to. He was already thirteen and asked his parents about kissing, and they explained him everything, wanting nothing but to give more acknowledge for their little boy, but before he could tell Roger, they were already running from the other kids, holding firmly into each other hands.

“But we don’t have a girl!” Brian said, resting his hands on the blonde’s wrists.

“Well, my friends say that I look like one. Let’s try it, Brian!”

“But I think only people who love each other can kiss”

“So you don’t love me?” There it was, those eyes that were ready to turn into an ocean of tears. Brian couldn’t support the thought of seeing his little boy crying, so he decided to do what Roger wanted, knowing that would make he stops crying.

“Of course I do, Rog. That’s why I will kiss you” The biggest smile emerged in Roger’s face, his canine teeth still forming, making him look even more innocent

Roger was getting closer to Brian, trying to catch the older’s lips, but with a giggle Brian was dodging every attempt of the blonde

“Stop, Bri!” Roger tried to sound angry, but his laugh gave him away. Putting his arms around Brian’s neck, he finally success to stop the giggles, and they finally look into each other eyes. There is something about the older’s gaze that send shivers down Roger body, his breathing becoming softer, while Brian’s become faster, Roger is relaxing while the older is tensing up. Then, it finally happened.

The meeting of their lips was nothing like some movie scene, after all, this was their first kiss, but it was such an innocent thing, only one touch to make they melt into each other, transforming their souls in one.

“You have to open your mouth, silly” Roger said in an undertone “And close your eyes!”

Brian couldn’t do anything but obey, he was now under the spell of Roger, he would do anything to feel his lips again, and he was the only one to blame. He closed his eyes and let his mouth open, arching to feel Roger lips again. Roger comes closer again, and this time it was what they could say, a ‘proper kiss’, with the blonde’s tongue slipping into Brian’s mouth. Brian put his hands in Roger’s neck, following his instincts, while Roger hands goes to the older wrist, readjusting his posture to make it easy to feel Brian’s body, with their foreheads touching and heads moving along the rhythm of their heartbeats.

“I think this thing, this 'kiss’ is wonderful, Bri!” The little one finally says when they separate their lips from the lack of oxygen.

“We can do this anytime you want, Rog.”

They certainly did, Brian can remember and quote every time he and Roger kissed. But not as boyfriends, not even close to that. They kissed as a friend, as a silent promise that everything was going to be okay.

Of course, when they were in their teen tears, everyone found strange that two boys would still be kissing even after knowing what it means to kiss someone, but they couldn’t stop. The lust was already in their veins, and it was ready to stay in their hearts.

The most memorable moment to Brian was when they were kissing and Roger’s girlfriend saw it. There was a lot of screams, fighting, explaining and an ugly break-up, and Brian blamed himself for weeks, until they kissed again - and Brian would repeat every action again just to feel Roger’s soft lips -.

But now, they were full-grown up mans, with Brian being twenty-seven and Roger being twenty-five, it wasn’t accepted by their parents that they would still be kissing each other, even after Roger married a woman he had met at college, and they would always blame Brian. It was him who didn’t try to stop Roger, it was him who made the boy do this, it was him and his first kiss against everyone else.

“For God’s sake, you are both grown up! You have to know you can’t just kiss your friends like that, especially you Roger, who has me as a girlfriend” The girl — Brian never bothered to learn her name, thinking this was just one of Roger’s short relationships — was screaming, tears running down her cheeks. Roger and her had meet in college, during lunch, and Brian was the one who helped the blonde dress up in every date they had, even if his heart would break every time, but he was more frightened in letting Roger’s down than fixing his own heart.

“But I kiss Brian because of that! Because he is my best friend” Roger mouthed, trying to pacify his girlfriend.

“This is disgusting! If you both don’t stop with this… this…” she was trying to find words that wouldn’t hurt Roger, but only for him. If Roger wasn’t there, Brian was sure she would have threw a few things at him “this stupid craze! If you don’t stop with this stupid craze, it will all be over, you heard me? Over!” She then storms out of the room, slamming the door, leaving broken souls behind.

Of course Brian made Roger obey his girlfriend, he could see that the blonde cared about her deeply, but yet he never noticed the sparkle in those blue eyes every time he and Roger talked.

They stopped kissing each other, leading to them going separate ways, and also to their parents talking behind their backs how much they were relived that the kisses finally stopped.

Brian couldn’t care less about the other’s opinion, he only wanted to have Roger back in his arms, it doesn’t matter if it was as best friends or as lovers, as long as their lips were pressed together, their foreheads touching and their hearts synchronized in one beat.

The sun was already rising, and Brian noticed that he went on another night only thinking of the blonde. Getting up of his bed, the man decided to make some coffee; after all, he deserved an amount of caffeine, so his body wouldn’t give up after some work. Heading to the kitchen, Brian starts to pour some water in the kettle, until he hears a knock in the door.

'Who could it be? There are no friends, no family… no Roger, who would want to see me’ he thinks while walking to the door, the time slowing down so that the two souls at different sides of the door could reconnect. Brian opens the door, and it’s surprised when he sees the very well-known blonde hair, the blue eyes, the little nose, the soft lips, his soft lips.

“Roger? What are you do-” The man was stopped by lips being pressed against his, and if the blue eyes of Roger were the gateway to the soul, his lips were the same thing for the body.

They were passion, the promise of the sweetness that was coming, it was the promise of realness, of the primal desire that lives in the boys. Brian wasn’t just surprised, he was beyond happy, he could feel the devil slipping away to give place to his angel, his blue-eyed angel who was now with his arms resting in Brian’s shoulders, his blue-eyed angel who was now at his tip-toes, trying to stand tall. His blue-eyed angel with his pink soft lips.

“I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have listened to her. I know it’s very early, but I need to tell you something” The words were running out from Roger’s mouth, and he couldn’t be bothered to try to get them, his face was red from the kiss and his blonde hair was messy — Brian couldn’t help but mess with his hair every time they kissed -.

“Rog, come inside, and then we will talk” Leaving the doorway, Brian went to the couch, sitting there and waiting to Roger to follow. The blonde follows closely, closing the door behind him and sitting in Brian’s lap.

“I missed you so much” his head was resting in the older’s shoulder, while his hands were wandering through his chest

“I can’t believe I was such a fool, obeying that woman, thinking she was right, thinking we were… only friends”

“How did you-”

“Brian, please” He rearranged his posture, putting his hands at each side of Brian’s neck, his legs resting at each side of Brian’s leg, his heart beating at the same time as Brian’s heart. “We both know, there is no point in denying. We love each other, don’t we?”

The older was in a loss of words, his dream was coming true, Brian was starting to think that this was all a dream, and soon he would wake up to an empty bed, with another disruption at his heart.

“I thought it was pretty obvious” Brian finally said something, sounding more like a silent praying than an answer, stealing a laughter from the blonde's lips. God, how much he missed that laughter, those eyes, those lips, those touches.

The sun that was coming from the windows reflected into their eyes, making their body glows, embraced into each other. From that day, Brian knew that now they weren’t best friends anymore: they were ready to take the next step. Only Roger Taylor and Brian May against the world.

“Will you promise me to never leave my side? Even if those boys come back?”

“I promise, Rog”

[ilovereadingandilovebreathing]

Okay so Sal is mega sick and Larry takes care of him. Maybe even takes him to the doctor bc Sal will n o t do ir.

Oh my goodness. I’m sorry this took so long. I’ve been so swamped and exhausted and just uninspired, but obvs. I was on a random SF kick today, so here’s....this.

Sickfic with really fluffy moments in which Lisa is a total mom and I LOVE HER.

Warnings for vomit, vomit mentions, fever, moaning and groaning about....sick stuff. Nothing too graphic.

——————

2pm on a bright Saturday afternoon found Larry Johnson rolling out of bed, finally submitting to the passage of the day when Addison’s groundskeeper (aka his mom) started up her leaf blower right outside his window. Groaning, he crossed to he worn panes and threw open the curtains. “Moooooooooom!” He yelled over the din, rolling his eyes when she grinned mischievously in response.

“Morning, or should I say ‘afternoon,’ Lar-Bear!” She teased.

“It’s not even fall yet!”

“Fun way to get you up now that the vacuum is on the fritz!” She laughed.

“UGH!” Larry huffed in false annoyance before closing the curtains and trudging to the bathroom for a shower, noticing the late hour for the first time. He hadn’t slept that long on a Saturday since…probably since Sal showed up. His blue-haired buddy was normally his wake-up call. He’d have to investigate…after he actually woke up.

———-

“Hey, Mom?” Larry stumbled into their living area about half an hour later, rubbing his eyes and yawning widely even after the shower. “Has Sal come by today?”

“Not that I know of. Is everything okay?”

“That’s what I’d like to know…” He mumbled. “I’m going to Sal’s!”

“Okay! Let me know if you’ll be home for dinner.”

“Probably will,” Larry called back while closing the door. “You know Henry’s cooking varies in quality.” He heard his mom chuckle from behind the door as he headed toward the elevator.

When he reached the fourth floor, Larry narrowly avoided running into Robert as the punk headed out. They exchanged a laugh and their customary fist bump and nod before Larry asked, “Seen Sal today?”

“Nah, dude.” Robert replied before the doors started to close. “But I’ve heard some gnarly hacking coming from his apartment.” He managed just before the doors closed.

“Ah, shit.” Larry muttered, turning toward Sal’s apartment with his hands in his pockets. “Hey, Mr. Fisher?” Larry called. When he was met with silence, he let himself in. “Henry? Sal?” Larry called into the quiet apartment. “Sal?” Larry called again as he gently knocked on Sal’s door. “Sally Face?”

“Here, Larry Face.” A voice that sounded vaguely like Sal’s invited him in.

“Sal?” Larry peered around the doorframe to find his friend curled into a lump on his mattress, all lights off and his curtains pulled closed. “You okay, dude?” Larry crossed into the room, leaving he door partially open.

“Been better. Definitely been worse.” Sal grumbled.

As he approached Sal’s beside, Larry noticed the boy’s prosthetic on top of his dresser. “Bad night?” Larry asked quietly, hoping Sal’s nightmares hadn’t returned.

“Bad night and bad day-“ Sal erupted into a stream of coughs, moaning as he curled into himself.

“Geez, dude, what’s wrong?” Larry barely made out Sal’s shrug in the dim lighting. “Where’s Henry?”

“Work meeting.”

“On a Saturday?”

Sal shrugged. “He’ll take what he can get at this point, I guess.” Sally slowly turned over to face Larry, the light of the doorway only catching his mangled chin and a portion of his torso, and he let out a guttural groan.

“What’s with the noise?”

“My whole body hurts. It aches like…god I don’t know, like I’m 85 years old with arthritis.”

“Geez. Sounds like my granny before she died.” Sal inhaled sharply, and Larry threw up his hands and forced out a chuckle. “Granny was 94, dude, you’re fine. Your 16 year old ass better bounce back better than her.”

Sal let out a rough chuckle before exploding into coughs again. “Oh god, I think I’m gonna hurl-“

“What-“

“TRASH CAN!” Sal’s raw yell threw Larry into action; thankfully, he knew Sal’s room well enough to locate the bin by Sal’s dresser before it was too late.

“Here!” Larry thrust the plastic container toward his friend just as the younger boy emptied his stomach of its contents. “Geez, dude, longest hurl I’ve ever heard, and my mom had a nasty stomach bug last year.” Larry grimaced as Sal let the plastic can fall to the floor with a soft thud. “You feel any better?”

“A little.” Sal admitted, moving back into his prior fetal position. “Stomach isn’t cramping anymore, but I’m tired as hell.”

“Makes sense.”

Sal sniffed loudly. “Could you get me some toilet paper? I can’t breathe through my nose.”

“I’ll do you one better, dude. Supply closet is in the basement. I’ll get you real tissues, antiseptic, two more trash cans, and we even have some extra pillows down there if you want.”

“Sounds perfect.”

“Mom makes the best soup. I’ll ask her to make you some.”

“Thanks, Larry Face. You’re the best.”

“No problemo at all, Lil’ Dude. I’ll be back.”

“Okay.”

Larry threw his friend a grin and a pair of finger guns before backing out the door. As soon as he left, though, the smile fell, and he left the apartment at a brisk pace.

“Hey, Mom!” Larry called as he entered his own apartment.

“Yea, sweetie?”

“Sal’s sick. I need the key to the supply room and your homemade Sick Away Soup if you have time.”

“Of course! Poor little Sal.” Lisa sighed as she fished her key ring out of her pocket. “I’m proud of your for helping your friend, Lar-Bear, but make sure you don’t catch it, too. We don’t need two sick kiddos on our hands.”

“No way, Mom! I’m immune! I didn’t catch that bug you had last year!”

“You barely saw me, honey bear. You were at school, and I hoarded everything I needed in my room.”

“Fair point, I guess.”

“Is Henry home?”

“Nah, Sal said he’s at some meeting.”

“Oh, well bring him here, then. We can’t have our little friend suffering over there alone, now can we?”

“Great idea, Mom. Thanks!”

“Be careful!” Lisa kissed her son’s head as she handed him the keys.

“Yeah, Mom, of course. When will the soup be done?”

“An hour, probably.”

“Okay, take your time, then. Sal just let everything out anyway, so he might need a little time.”

Lisa frowned. “He threw up? So it’s not just a cold?”

“No way. Threw up, coughing, snot city, real sore like Granny was-“

“That sounds like the flu, Larry. That’s a nasty thing to catch, and you haven’t been vaccinated this year-“

“It’ll be fine, Mom! My past shots will cover it!”

“That’s not how it works, Larry-“

“Gotta go, Mom! Friend in need! Be back in an hour!” Larry called over his shoulder as he speed-walked out.

Lisa sighed, turned on the biggest stovetop eye, and dug out her soup pot. “Better set up the pull out bed.” She grumbled as she pulled vegetables out of the fridge, but a fond smile pulled at her lips when she heard her son fumbling in the supply closet next door. “That boy’s heart is too good for him, sometimes.” She shook her head and pulled out her favorite cutting knife, already planning the next few days in the Johnson household.

———————

“Your salvation has arrived, little dude!” Larry announced as he walked back into Sal’s room a little later.

“Thanks, Larry.” Sal wheezed as his friend groped toward his bed in the semi-darkness. “Where’s the stuff?”

"At my place. My mom says we can’t just leave you here all sick and alone, so you’re coming over.”

“Are you sure?  But I don’t want either of you to catch this.”

“Don’t worry. She’s kept up with her vaccines and stuff this year, and I’m immune to that stuff because of past shots-”

“Larry, that’s not how it-”

“Anyway, how about I clean out your can before we go?”

“Larry, you don’t have to-”

“No problem, Sally Bro. It’s what best friends are for.” Larry gathered the biochemical hazard trash can. “No prob. at all, buddy. I’ve seen much worse; I promise. I unclogged Charley’s toilet once....” They both shivered. “So this’ll be nothin’.”

“If you say so.” Sal mumbled, and his friend slipped into the bathroom and was back out again soon.

“Not to be nosy, but have you eaten anything recently? Cuz that trash can-”

“No. I felt too rotten to get out of bed this morning.”

“Perfect. My mom makes the best soup for sickness, but she’ll probably start you off with crackers first or something. I told her we’d be back in about an hour because that’s when soup will be done, but I’m sure it’s fine if we go early. Come on.” Sal could just make out Larry’s hand reaching toward him in the darkness, and he shook his head.

“I just....my head hurts....and my prosthetic...”

“Oh.” Larry thought for a moment. “Maybe just in the hallway?” He muttered softly. “She won’t judge you, Sal. You gotta know that by now.”

“....”

“I mean, I won’t force you, of course.” Larry backpedaled at Sal’s silence. “I just-”

“No. It’s fine. I trust you guys.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah. Let’s just make sure we leave my dad a note.”

“Right.” Larry left to scrawl a sticky note message to the elder Fisher and quickly returned.

“Okay, then. To mi casa, it is.” Larry handed Sal his prosthetic and helped the sick boy out of bed, keeping an arm around his friend’s back as they stiffly trekked to the basement. The elevator left Sal a little dizzy, but they managed to stumble through the Johnson’s front door without issue.

“We’re here, Mom!”

“Good, just in time. I just got the crackers out.” Lisa called, coming over with an orange bowl.

“Told ya.” Larry chuckled as he guided Sal to the couch, noticing that his mom had turned off all but the kitchen light and a single lamp.

“You’ll be joining him soon, Lar-Bear.” Lisa rolled her eyes and handed her son the bowl after the boys sat down. 

“No, Mom, I told you I’m-”

“Doesn’t work that way.” Sal and Lisa chastised him simultaneously, exchanging a glance and a smile before Lisa went back to the kitchen.

“Try the crackers, and then we’ll see about the soup, Sally.”

“Thanks, Lisa.” Sal called weakly as Larry set him up with his pillows and blanket on the pull out bed. “And thanks again, Larry.”

“Just give us a blanket ‘thanks’ and save your breath, Sal.” Larry chuckled. “You need to rest to get better.”

Sal hummed in reply and settled in to the comfy space, his eyes drooping immediately, but Larry held out to bowl toward him.  “You gotta eat to get your strength back.”

Sal moaned but begrudgingly took the crackers, slowly nibbling on them as his friend settled back to watch TV. 

“Whaddya wanna watch?”

“I don’t care. I’ll probably conk out soon anyway.”

Larry nodded and put on a Cops re-run, his gaze straying between the screen and Sal every so often. “How’re the crackers treating you?”

“I feel okay, I think.” Sal replied, setting the now empty bowl down. “I can’t believe I’m hungry after that.”

Larry shrugged. “The body is weird.”

“So, what’s the verdict?” Lisa poked her head in. “Soup or no soup?”

“I could do soup.” Sal nodded. 

“Me, too, Mom!” Larry called, switching between stations to find something else to watch.

“Okay, kids, soup’s on!” Lisa announced a minute later; she placed each bowl near it’s respective recipient. “Let me know if you need anything else. I think I have some Ginger Ale somewhere.”

“This is perfect for right now, Lisa. Thank you.”

Larry rolled his eyes, and Lisa smiled. “You could learn something from him, Lar-Lar.”

“I have plenty of manners; Sal just has too many.”

Lisa snorted and left the boys to eat their lunches. 

When she heard the clink of bowls, Lisa returned and took the dishes back up, smiling at the lightly dozing Sal. Larry caught her gaze and nodded, a small smile pulling at his own lips, and both sets of eyes fell to the mask on their coffee table. 

“How was it?” Lisa whispered. 

“Great, as always.” Larry shot her a double thumbs up.

Sal stirred and opened his eyes. “It was good. I don’t feel nauseous at all.”

“It’s the perfect blend of satisfying and soft on the stomach.” Lisa smiled softly at Sal. “Your cheeks look a little flushed.” She mumbled, almost seeming like an afterthought to herself, but she set down the bowls and approached Sal, laying her cool hand across his forehead before bending over and tenderly placing her lips against the warm skin.  “Feels like a fever.” She straightened up and looked toward the bathroom. “I think we have some cold and fever stuff-” 

She faltered when she looked back down at Sal, noting the glisten in his good eye and the tightness of his jaw. She turned back to him and bent slightly, gently running her hand over his hair and smoothing the sweaty strands from his face. “We’ll take good care of you, Sally. Don’t you worry. Your family’s got you.” 

She patted his arm before heading toward the bathroom, returning with the mentioned medicine as well as a cup and washcloth. Sal’s hooded eyes followed her movements, and when she reached him, she helped him sit up, swallow, and drink. When Sal was settled again, Lisa dipped the cloth in the cup and slowly laid it across his forehead, laughing a bit at the small groan that escaped his lips as he finally let his eyes fall shut.

“You’re more dramatic than Larry.” She muttered fondly, laughing again at her son’s offended huff. “Point proven. But I’m glad it’s helping. You just sleep now, honey, and you’ll feel better soon.”

Lisa’s eyes jerked toward movement on the bed, and she found Sal’s hand extended toward her, fingers reached out beckoningly. She took his hand, and Sal gave a light squeeze and mouthed “thank you.” Lisa squeezed back and whispered, “Any time. We love you, sweet boy.” A shadow of a smile passed over Sal’s lips, but he didn’t let go of Lisa’s hand. Larry threw him a questioning gaze, but Lisa shushed him with a look and carefully set herself on the edge of the makeshift bed. She held Sal’s sweaty hand until his grasp went limp and his breathing became soft, heavy snores, and even after, she stayed to change out the washcloth and occasionally run her fingers through his hair, a sigh of contentment emitting from the boy with her motions.

When the thick tendrils of sleep finally tugged at her, as well, Lisa carefully extracted her hand from Sal’s and rose from the bed, blowing Larry a kiss as he waved before heavy eyelids. “Night, Mom. Thanks for all your help. You’re the best.”

“Good night, baby. I love you.”

“Love you, too.”

Sal sighed heavily and turned over in his sleep. 

“I think that means he loves you, too.” Larry laughed quietly.

Lisa smiled and nodded before slowly padding to her room, hoping to find things brighter and better in the morning. 

Spoiler Alert: She was right. Larry woke up sick in the morning, and he and Sal were bunk buddies for almost a week. They didn’t see each other for a day or two after that, but it was definitely a bonding experience.

[localrobosexual]

hewwo my fwiends it's currently real Loving Seaside Hours™ again as spurred by talking to a blessed pal of mine earlier today about our comfort characters, so as I'm tryina ride out this thunderstorm going on outside so I can actually go to sleep I'm just gonna take a moment and gush about this robot and how and why he means so much to me, that alright w y'all lmao

putting a breaker on this bc I already know it's gonna get long and ramble-y lmao. Not gonna mind if u skip this over and don't bother reading it, I just wanna kinda shout into the void about my ocs a bit, don't mind me!

HEY SO YEE I JUST RLLY RLLY LOVE MY BIG DUMB ROBOT SO SO MUCH AAAAAA HE MEANS THE WORLD TO ME AND I COULD NEVER SELL OR TRADE HIM EVER AND I JUST WISH I HAD MORE DISPOSABLE INCOME TO USE TO JUST BUY MORE COMMISSIONS OF HIM BECAUSE GOD EVERY TIME I DRAW HIM AND EVERY TIME SOMEONE ELSE DOES TOO MY HEART JUST FUCKIN SWELLS W LOVE AND HAPPINESS!!!!! THIS ONE LITTLE TRANSFORMERS OC DOES THAT MUCH!!!!!!!! AND ITS GREAT!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAA

ok but. For real now, besides my initial screams that I had to get out hksjdks. Y'all wanna hear some insight into what all went into making him and why he means so much to me and all. Strap in bc it's gonna get Real

let's start with something pretty well known. Maybe not coming from me but a well known fact regardless lmao. Truth be told I wrote out from the paragraph below this one to the bottom without writing an introduction first and I'm too tired to try to come up with anything good now so uh. Hopefully this isn't too jarring hkshdksk my bad y'all my bad.

Anyways. Mental health! Fucked mental health! that's so much fun right!!

Haha yeah. Nah. We all know this. Being depressed is rlly wack y'all. It fuckin messes up ur head big time. I still don't know if I have downright depression, because I still haven't been properly diagnosed, and I never rlly associated my symptoms and the way I was feeling with depression bc it didn't line up with the stereotypical symptoms of depression, so I was (and still am) just calling it my "existential crisis". That was rlly the only word I could use to describe it. And it was dark and it was lonely and crushing and so, so awful. Despite the fact that I had an extremely loving and supportive friend group, I was always, ALWAYS afraid of speaking up about it. Despite them and all, I still felt super SUPER alone in the way I was feeling about life, my future, and my general purpose. This was all just reinforced by my parents and other adults in my life who I tried to come to in the past who would brush me off by saying I was overreacting, or that I'll "figure it out, because everybody does", or just generally not really understanding or showing any empathy at all. It took my entire life up until SENIOR YEAR ENGLISH CLASS when I went to my teacher about how I was feeling about a certain project that was triggering my symptoms, and that was the first time in my life when any adult had actually shown any sort of understanding or sympathy towards me and my feelings. That was the first time in my life where my mental struggles were validated by someone I respected and held to high regard.

But I still felt so very very alone, with no one to really talk to or who I knew was going through the same thing as me. So I ended up just,, , making someone who did.

Fun fact, before I really went ham on his development, Seaside was just gonna be a one-off oc with a happy go-lucky attitude and not much else about him. It was only until I heard the song What We Will Never Know (which later ended up becoming one of his theme songs bc of this) for the first time that I decided "WAIT,,. ,, BUT,, , WHAT IF,,. , ,,, , I MADE HIM SAD TOO" pretty much hkHKDJDJSK and that's what kick started his development!!

here I was, this sad, depressed, deeply lonely bitch with a love for making characters who played on extensions of myself, finally able to make something to cope with how awful I was feeling all the time. And that's what Seaside kinda was to me at first, he was my coping mechanism for working through hard bouts of my existenial crisis. I crafted his backstory to fit EXACTLY what I was going through at the time. He was content but never truly happy with how his life had been for as long as he could remember, then something exciting and new happens and he's suddenly thrust into a brand new world with so many new possibilities, but as he starts to settle in he realizes just how lost and alone he truly is in this new environment and he doesn't know where to go or what to do with himself. This is literally, EXACTLY a point-to-point retelling of my experience going through high school, graduating, and trying to figure out what to do with my life all with my mental health rapidly deteriorating around me. And having someone like that in my life, even fictional, even one I literally made up myself, made me feel better. I'd daydream scenarios of of us going on little adventures at the beach at night where no one else would see him in robot mode (gotta keep up the disguise aspect and all), but mostly it was just us hanging out, usually cuddled up to each other bc it gets cold on the beach at night, looking up at the stars, chillin and talking and just taking comfort in each other's presences and knowing that we weren't alone in our struggles. And I KNOW that sounds super stupid and cringey and dumb but like, that's genuinely what made, and still does, make me happy and it's what I used to help me hold on just a little longer to get through some of the really rough periods of my existenial crisis. When it got super bad, when I still even couldn't tell my closest friends about how low I was feeling, I still at least had Seaside with me to help me cope.

it wasn't until it got to the point where I was pretty much (lovingly) forced to wake up to the reality that I was rapidly becoming genuinely suicidal that things finally started to change, even just a little bit. I only very recently finally started to get my mind right, I finally told my parents the whole truth about how I was feeling, I got put on some meds that are honestly doing WONDERS for me rn, and I'm definitely in a much better place mentally then I was just a few months ago. I certainly still have a long way to go, but for now I'm just trying to enjoy the ride and just soak up and relish in the fact that I'm, for the first time in years, genuinely going about my days just happy to be out here living life without constantly being weighed down by the soul crushingly empty sorrow that hung over me 24/7. (and to said close group of friends, if you're indeed reading this, this may be the first time you're hearing about what I've been going through all the time, and if that's the case, I'm gonna have to kindly ask that you not come to me about it. I'll know when I'm ready to talk about this openly, but now I don't think I am. I'm really sorry to have kept it from y'all for so long, it really was just eating me up inside, but I think I explained myself well enough)

so now that I'm doing much better mentally, Seaside's outlook has kinda changed, but at the same time, not really?? he's still my comfort character for sure, always will be, but now he's not so much a coping mechanism as he is just a solid source of happiness and peace to turn to every now and again. This one little transformers oc just genuinely makes me really really happy, and I love to just soak it all in and feel every little thing!! We still share the not knowing what we're doing with our lives aspect of ourselves, but now it's a little less completely lost and anguished and hopeless and a little more hopeful and reassuring. Things are gonna be ok. We'll figure this out at our own pace. And we'll still have each other to turn to at every step of the way.

there's a lot of different kinds of comfort energies that many different kinds of comfort characters give off, and different ones resonate more with different people. The most common one I'll see at least is a kind of is parental comfort, someone you can come to for guidance in life because they have the experience to advise you on what to do and can be almost a better pseudo-parental figure. Mom friend types, loving dad energy, that kind of thing. Someone to protect you and give you big strong hugs and stuff. Seaside gives off a similar yet very different kind of comfort energy to me. It's not parental in any way because he's far too young (relatively, even in Cybertronian standards. He'd be like, mid to late 20s in human years) and inexperienced, and, frankly, still a little too naive and unknowing about a lot of things to really be someone to turn to for guidance or just generally be a pseudo-parental figure, but instead, he's just a good friend. He's a perfect kind of friend that'd stand by your side and will always be there for you through the ups and downs of life, someone who knows how to cheer you up when you're sad, someone you can share a solidarity in where you know you're experiencing the exact same struggles. He's just a good shoulder to lean on and a constant reminder that I'm never alone. And I couldn't ask for anything better tbh

so yeah. There's my ramble I guess lmao. To sum it up rlly I just love this big dumb robot w all my heart and soul and I'm so so glad I made him 💕💕💕

[buoyantsaturn]

will doesn't speak due to watching his brother die, and nico's like a 'bad boy' who tries really hard to impress will highschool!mortal!au??

ok this took like a real long time bc its finals time and unrelated i think i mightve sprained my ankle while preparing for one of my finals (that i did today and it went great!!) but i finally finished this list so here it is!!!

lucky u after ur long wait u get a super long list thats so long its going under a cut

When will was in elementary school him and lee got mugged and the mugger stabbed lee and ran away with his wallet and will pretty much panicked and didn’t react fast enough so lee died before an ambulance even arrived on the scene and will couldn’t even tell the cops what had happened bc he couldn’t make his voice work

So flash forward to high school where will can speak sign language and thats the only way he can communicate and he sits in the back of every classroom to discourage the teacher from ever calling on him with questions but the only problem with that is that all the delinquent-types sit in the back of the room so sometimes the teachers think hes just lazy/dumb when he doesnt participate in class discussions

nico is actually pretty smart but is also a smartmouth which gets him in trouble so he sits in the back of the room so that the teachers can’t hear his comments

Will sits next to nico in one of his classes coincidentally and hears every time nico says something snarky and has a tough time holding back his laughter - bc he snorts real bad when he laughs and everyone will hear it - and then every other time he finds out nicos in his class he makes sure to sit nearby

at first nico just said this stuff to say it not bc he thinks hes funny but hes just so tired of all this garbage but then this pretty boy who doesnt talk sits next to him and has a really pretty smile and has to cover his mouth whenever hes trying not to laugh so nico does his best to make sure will can hear him any time he says something that might be funny

nico talks to some friends (jason basically) and finds out a little bit about will (like the fact that hes selectively(????) mute)

nico slowly works on building some kind of friendship with will like he talks to him before and after class and learns a little bit of sign language so he can understand when will responds to him and eventually they start hanging out outside of school where they sometimes watch movies and sometimes will teaches nico some more sign language and theyre just hanging out just the two of them for hours on end but nico has NO IDEA if theyre dating or not

will spends the night once and sleeps on the floor in nicos room and wakes up almost-screaming in the middle of the night (like imagine a scream but your throat is so raw that sometimes noise comes out and sometimes it doesnt ((he had a nightmare about lee dying))) and so nico tells will to sleep in his bed with him

Will just presses his face right into nicos chest and keeps whispering over and over that hes sorry and nico is very confused

so uhh they kinda just like,,, are together like theres no one moment where they werent together and now they are it just kinda gradually happened and even more gradually will starts to think that maybe ten years was enough time and maybe he should start to work through the trauma so he talks to his mom and she finds him a therapist who speaks sign language and he talks about what happened for like the first time ever

It takes months like a lot of months but one day will shows up at nicos house with popcorn and movies and says something super simple like “hi nico” with a super rough voice like the worst puberty voice cracks u could imagine but nico just jumps up and kisses him bc hes so proud of his boyfriend

i hope this is what you were looking for!! thanks for the suggestion!!

my inbox is officially empty (!!! its been so long) but i have two classes on monday that im not gonna have anything to do during so ill gladly take some more suggestions ;)))

buy me a coffee

[summylise]

Long Time, No See

A/N: yeah yeah I know I know. I'm supposed to be writing the next chapter of NSEND but DON’T WORRY because I still am. This was just a warm up with my OCs but then I realized that it could be a cute one-shot and tbh y’all are going to need it after this next chapter. soooo HAPPY B-DAY @unashamed-shipper !!!! You said the other day how you needed fluff so here ya go!!

prompt: imagine your otp, warm up

pairing: nalu

words: 2355

rating: T bc I say two swear words whoopsie

It’s been three years, two hundred and seventy days, and God knows how many hours since I last saw him but I could never forget him. Not the way his hair fluffed back when he ran his fingers through it, or the way he’d fiddle with the strings of his backpack and his Adam’s apple would bob when he was nervous, or the way his lips would quirk and light up any room he walked into. I can never forget the way his shoulders slumped and how he couldn’t meet my eyes when his drenched form stood in my doorway that night. I can’t forget the subtle way his breathing hitched when he told me and tears had pricked my eyes. I can’t remember the hint of salt I tasted when I kissed him for the last time, whether they were my tears or his didn’t matter. I won’t forget how I had laid in bed for the rest of that week, refusing to see anyone and responding only to my mother when she tried to console me.

He mentioned something about his work or danger or something, but frankly, my ears had stopped working after he said: “I’m leaving.”

It’s been three years since I’ve heard one word from him. Since I’d seen his face, heard his voice, felt his skin.

But today, something felt…different.

I get up a bit earlier than usual; sadly the only train straight to Narcís leaves at 4:30 opposed to my usual 9 am. Get out of bed is more of an overstatement though seeing as I about fall on my face when the alarm makes me about have a heart attack. If it isn’t the near-death experience that wakes me, it’s definitely the cause of the massive bruise probably forming on my lower back.

The rest of the morning goes by in a blur, but I’m luckily conscience enough to brew a fresh pot of straight black tea. If I’m going to make it to the train station without committing at least one felony, I’m going to have to down like a gallon of this shit.

I click the stove lighter and mentally go over the packing list in my head. I’ll only be gone a month, so the bare necessities are all I really need to worry about. Makeup isn’t that important; I’m just going for a personal vacation before college starts, so there’s no point in impressing anyone. I tap each finger as I check off box after box. Undergarments: check. Seven pairs of outfits: check. Toiletries: check. Spare money: check. Boarding pass:…

Dammit, where did I put that thing? My lip sneaks beneath my teeth as I fish for the ticket amongst the various piles on the dining room table. Probably should clean those up at some point.

Bill. Bill. Grocery ad. Bill. Bi-

The pot whistles just as I’m pulling out the white slip. I almost drop the darn thing when I race to stop the kettle before it wakes my mom in the other room. I let out a sigh of relief and tilt the water into my to-go cup. The pass goes in my purse, and I slip out the door with a whispered “I love you” to my mom.

                                                       ~~

The ride to Narcís was generally uneventful. It took about ten hours, but it honestly felt like three. Turns out sleeping through a vast majority of your trip distorts your perception of time a bit. Luckily though, I’m feeling much more refreshed and awake than I had that morning which is probably a blessing to those that have to deal with me for the rest of the day. I order a small lunch, just a sandwich, and some fruit along with a bottle of water to give me a bit more energy when the food cart rolls by.

I’m surprised at how much the scenery changes in the matter of a few states. Gone are the barren, rolling hills of Magnolia and here are the thick, colorful forests of Narcís. The sheer number of trees and wildlife astound me. I mean I had seen forests before when I had lived in Hargeon, but this was something else. They were everywhere, and where they were, they were deep. Thousands of pines lined the tracks for miles at a time. The area behind the vast rows was immersed in shadow due to the heavy presence of trees and brush and undergrowth. It was like I had entered a brand new world filled with life and comfort. Something about it felt…like home, like I belonged there and something was calling me back.

I snack on a sliver of pineapple as the last of a particularly thick patch of woods whizzed past my window. I quickly place the bowl on the empty seat across from me and leaned towards the window to see the town I would call home for a little while. It’s pretty small compared to those I had lived in in the Magnolia, its central area only spanning a few miles all around. Compared to my little pile of buildings in Hargeon, this might as well be a kingdom. The town itself was surrounded at all points by thick pine trees and maples. To the west sat the port to the ocean where they no doubt got their supplies seeing as the only way by land into the town is by train. The stores weren’t all that much, just a bunch of small, one-story buildings. They lined either side of a long road that spanned the entire length of the town, connecting it as a branch holds onto leaves.

I stumbled across this place when I was researching port towns for some history project in eighth grade or something and just happened to see my project when I was cleaning out my closet. The walls had been pressing in on me at that point, and I had decided to do something about it. I then started saving money and picking up hours at the coffee shop to begin funding my expedition. Now I was finally here, and the anticipation was killing me.

We pull into the main station, probably the biggest building in town, about five minutes later and I don’t waste one second before leaping onto the platform, almost losing my floppy hat in the process. I instantly collide with a gust of fresh, salty air and can’t help the laugh that bubbles out of my chest. My stomach leaps. I was here. I was finally here. I pull my suitcase behind me and approach the overlook facing the sea.

My mouth about drops to the floor. Water. Dark and blue and everywhere. From as far right to as far left as I could see. That vast expanse spreads up and over the far horizon in the distance. White seagulls fly overhead, cawing and begging for scrap that the few visitors drop in their haste to leave the metal contraption. I don’t turn back though; I can’t turn back. My eyes are glued to the blue and how the sun peeks out from behind dark clouds above to shimmer on the ocean’s surface. It really was like a sapphire, I noticed. The blue was slightly off, opting more of a dark, midnight hue, but the way the sun caught waves that crested and moved was spot on.

Another gust rushes through me, ruffling my hair and raising the hair on my arms. I almost shudder with the wave of freshness and belonging that hits me when the spray of salt caresses my face. My eyes drift back open, and I realize that I can suddenly feel the sun on my head. It takes me a second to piece together that my hat was no longer on top of my head.

I whip around, eyes grazing the concrete floor searching for the golden straw and pink flowers of my hat, landing, luckily, only a few feet away. I start towards it. Then stop dead in my tracks.

Because I see it. I see him. I first notice his hair then his rich, sage eyes then the way his mouth parts. The handle to my suitcase slips from my grasp. The hat floats away, all concerns of it blowing right along with it. Time stills. People filter from my vision until it’s just him. Just him and me.

I feel my lips part, my hands rising to cover them. I feel myself mouth his name. I hear my own, his voice floating towards me effortlessly in all its deep, whispered glory.

Then I’m running. And he’s running. And I have my arms wrapped around him so tightly I don’t know if it’s too hard or rough, but I don’t care. I don’t care. Because it’s him. And he’s here. And…and…

“Natsu,” I murmur, my whispered voice breaking.

I feel the tears sliding down my cheeks. I don’t bother to hide my sobs, and I tighten my hold around his neck. He tightens his grip, making it hard for me to breath. I know he’s struggling too, but I can’t bring myself to let him go lest he slip between my fingers again. He nuzzles into my neck. He mutters something against my skin. I feel something wet slide down my skin, and I know he’s crying too. I don’t pull back to see. I don’t loosen my grip in the slightest even though my body is shaking violently.

I pull back when I’m finally unable to get enough air in my lungs, but I don’t untangle my arms from around his neck. I realize that I have to lean back to meet his eyes this time. His rich, olive eyes shimmer with tears that also streaked thin lines down his face. His features are harder, stronger than before and his hair a bit thicker, a bit lighter with sun-kissed streaks of gold mixed with the now light rose. He now stands a head taller than me opposed to level with me all those years ago.

“Lucy,” he mutters back.

I can’t help the way my heart leaps at how his deep timber whispers my name as if he can’t believe that I’m here just like I can’t believe that he is either. A smile explodes across my lips.

“Yeah. It’s me,” I say back.

A toothy grin spreads across his face, and a thick laugh rumbles out of his chest and into mine. The sound sends my heart into a frenzy and reminds me how much I missed that sound. I can’t help the laugh that bursts past my lips at that noise. I feel his grip around me tighten, and my feet lift off the ground, and he spins me. And I laugh more. Because it’s silly. Because I’m happy. Because it’s him.

He sets me back down a moment later. My breath hitches again as I stare back into his eyes. I realize then, with a crushing sense of finality that he’s actually here after all this time. I feel my vision blur and a ball rise in my throat when it hits me how much his presence means to me and how much it hurt when he was gone. Not because he was one of the very few in my heart. Not because we were together. But because with him, I felt home; I finally felt right. And it was Natsu. And he was now a part of me, and I was whole again. And I just…

“I missed you,” I choke out. “I missed you so much.”

His smile softens, and he lifts a hand to wipe the tears streaming down my cheek.

“I missed you so much it ached. I missed you too. So, so, so much.”

His own eyes shimmer, reminding me for a moment of the ocean and how the sun made it sparkle like a jewel.

My smile grows, and I hiccup. I pull him down until his lips meet mine. My eyes slip closed. And it’s just us.

I kiss him with everything I have, all the pain, the loneliness, the longing. I press my lips so hard against his own, I know they’re going to bruise. He presses back with just as much intensity if not more. I don’t care that our teeth clack together when we collide or how our lips tingle with the other or the roaring of the blood in my ears. I just want to drink in as much of him as possible. The taste of salt and strawberries slips across my tongue when I slip it between his parted lips. My fingers weave into his hair and slide against his skin, basking in the warm feel of his skin against my own, the way his hair glides through my fingers. He groans against my mouth but continues his assault. His hands slide up and down along my back, trying to feel as much of me as he can. His fingers find the bottom of my t-shirt and slide under. I try to hide my shudder, but struggling is proving pointless.

I have to pull back, whether it’s to breathe or stop myself from caving in, I’m not sure. We both stand there panting, foreheads pressed together, taking each other in. We still can’t believe our eyes, our lips, our hands. I feel his eyes on me, but I can’t bear to open my own. I don’t want this to be a dream. I don’t want to wake up again only to find him not next to me.

I slowly slide my hand down his neck, down his chest, and around his back. I lean forward and press my face into his shoulder. My fingers tighten on the fabric of his shirt. He lets out a sigh and wraps his warm arms around my back beneath my shirt. His head buries into my hair, the movement so familiar, so…him. I allow his scent, the warm smell of a campfire and sandalwood washing over me, covering me, swallowing me whole.

And I let it. Because it’s Natsu. And I’m home.

[galvanismistheconcept]

tagged by the lovely @1waffle!

THE LAST:

1. drink: iced mocha w an extra shot.

2. phone call: my mom.

3. text message: my friend zaria @eggsacc.

4. song you listened to: if you seek amy by britney spears, omg...

5. time you cried: can’t remember.

6. dated someone twice: thank god, no.

7. kissed someone and regretted it: no.

8. been cheated on: yeah, lmao.

9. lost someone special: mhm.

10. been depressed: what kind of question is this? of course.

11. gotten drunk and thrown up: nah.

3 FAVORITE COLORS:

12. red

13. blue

14. green

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU:

15. made new friends: yeah, but i think i lost most of em.

16. fallen out of love: twice.

17. laughed until you cried: that has never happened to me.

18. found out someone was talking about you: yeah, at my old job.

19. met someone who changed you: everyone changes me a little bit bc i always adjust to however people want me to be. that sounds weird, but like. yeah.

20. found out who your friends are: i think so, yes.

21. kissed someone on your facebook list: don’t have facebook.

GENERAL:

22. how many of your facebook friends do you know in real life: no facebook, remember?

23. do you have any pets: no. can barely take care of myself, so.

24. do you want to change your name: i wanna legally change my birth name to my actual name (it was jessica, in case you’re wondering).

25. what did you do for your last birthday: worked overtime, went to a brazilian steakhouse.

26. what time did you wake up: 9:00 am.

27. what were you doing at midnight last night: watching grey’s anatomy and writing essays.

28. name something you can’t wait for: moving out and finishing school and having a life.

29. when was the last time you saw your mom: i can’t rly conceptualize time, but it was some time recent today.

31. what are you listening to right now: no scrubs by tlc.

32. have you ever talked to a person named tom: i’m pretty sure i had a customer named tom at least once at my old job.

33. something that is getting on your nerves: horny grindr boys who send dick pics before actually speaking to me.

34. most visited website: tumblr, duolingo, and lifeprint.

35. hair colour: black, but i want to dye part of it some pretty color like bubblegum pink or plum purple.

36. long or short hair: short!

37. do you have a crush on someone: nope.

38. what do you like about yourself: i don’t give up at trying to make myself a better person; even though everything’s rough for me and it’s always been rough for me, i’m doing my best to survive it and grow from it.

40. blood type: o+!

41. nickname: lu, luc, luci.

42. relationship status: very newly single, someone please date me.

43. zodiac: western is aquarius, chinese is tiger (born in 1999, but before chinese new year).

44. pronouns: he/him

45. favourite tv show: i don’t watch tv.

46. tattoos: none.

47. right or left handed: right.

48. surgery: never had any, but i rly want top surgery.

50. sport: i love any martial arts! i’m a red belt in taekwondo.

51. vacation: i want to go Everywhere.

52. pair of trainers: i wear like a ton of diff pairs of converse. and also some hand me down nike skate shoes and some leather vans.

MORE GENERAL:

53. eating: nothing.

54. drinking: said iced mocha.

55. i’m about to: finish my homework.

56. waiting for: a new show to interest me bc i don’t like this one and i want to like a show.

57. want: money, to be as mentally healthy as i possibly can be, a boyfriend.

58. get married: yeah, sure.

59. career: i’m an ice cream man rn, but wanna be an archaeologist studying precolonial pilipino culture.

WHICH IS BETTER:

60. hugs or kisses: hugs; i hate kissing.

61. lips or eyes: i don’t care abt either in the abstract bc if i like you, then everything abt you is beautiful to me.

62. shorter or taller: i wanna be taller, gdi. but i don’t care abt others’ height.

63. older or younger: no preference.

64. nice arms or nice stomach: i don’t think it’s possible to have bad ones of either.

65. hook up or relationship: relationship.

66. troublemaker or hesitant: little bit of both.

HAVE YOU EVER:

67. kissed a stranger: no.

68. drank hard liquor: i wish.

69. lost glasses/contact lenses: don’t have em.

70. turned someone down: mhm.

71. sex on the first date: nope.

72. broken someone’s heart: yeah, lmao.

73. had your heart broken: uh? i think? maybe? i don’t have emotional permanence, so idk.

74. been arrested: no.

75. cried when someone died: nah.

76. fallen for a friend: yeah.

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

77. yourself: i’m tryin my best to.

78. miracles: idk, idts.

79. love at first sight: not rly.

80. santa claus: never did.

81. kiss on the first date: i don’t like kissing, but do what you like.

82. angels: sweetheart, i am one.

OTHER:

84. eye colour: rly rly rly dark brown, almost black.

85. favourite movie: that’s a rough one. can’t choose one.

tagging my dearest loves @shadysoo, @midcenturymodernmediaconsole, @robynrihannas, @lesbianmei, @cascadiagreen, @xoche, @raingay, @violent-delignts, @gaybaeee, @milkvix, @alainafaithk, @eggsacc, and whoever else wants to do it (just say i tagged you)!

[smuttyfairy]

Admin Smuttyfairy @ BTS WINGS TOUR CONCERT IN NEWARK DAY 2

Hello peoples! Here is my very much somewhat long ass post on the concert I attended! I apologize for such a late post of this but I’ve just been so wiped out and tired since then. 

This is written over the span of the past few days since the concert so the entire thing is a little rough and much of a blur. Beware of some nonsense and small grammar errors here and there.

I will also have a list of tips for anyone who needs it (towards the bottom)!

Okay so while I have this fresh on my mind, I’ll go ahead and explain and kind of story-tell the day and everything.

So, starting Thursday night we heard that the Friday concert people were already camping out. So we kind of freaked a little and decided to go extreme but not too crazy extreme. Get what I mean?

So, we woke up at 5AM, literally rolled out of our pajamas and called and UBER to take us to prudential center. To make things worse, we all went to bed around 12-1AM (me being last to sleep of course), and at some point in the night wake up to pee at 3:30AM and couldn’t go back to sleep. SO I WAS BASICALLY RUNNING ON 2 & HALF HOURS RIP ME GUYS.

To makes matters just a tad bit worse we didn’t really eat a full meal before we left and before attending the actual concert. B r o. I was dying the whole day.

ANYWAY BACK TO 5-6AM STAKE OUT. Powerhouse was giving wristbands to GA for entrance into the center at 11AM. We get to the place and we oh roughly estimate there’s about 150-200 fans already out?? So we felt pretty good about our place in terms of getting into the concert venue itself. LORD THE COLD. I thought I was going to lose my mind. My toes were frozen, at one point I couldn’t feel my feet and man just being in the cold hurts. BUT WE SURVIVED. WE DID IT. THE WHOLE 5-6 HOUR WAIT. I say 5-6 hour wait because at 11AM they started distributing the wristbands in a careful order so it took waaaaay longer than I thought it should have. We ended up leaving the venue to go back to our hotel to get ready for the actual concert maybe around 12-1:30??? And we had to get back by 3PM since Admin Wangfairy and our other friend had soundcheck.

So we split up, Admin Kookfairy and another friend of ours, we attempt to find merch but of course it’s all sold out (cries af) except for towels and the 2nd version BTS lightsticks. I also wanted to try out the BTS photobook but the line was sooosoosoossosooooooo long and we had to get in line for our GA access at 5-530PM (honestly can’t remember) Bc they wanted us in our numbered ordered and of course that was difficult af.

Anyway, 5:30PM or so rolls on and the four of us booked (but not really Bc security didn’t want us to run) it as soon as we got scanned in and everything. Admin Wangfairy was in P1 and our other friend and myself were in P2.

The wait was long but doable. I met a few nice people there and even sat and took a rest for my feet and legs for a bit since I was practically low on energy and everything. I was actually ready to just pass tf out when I sat down tho hahaha. RIP. I was really tired y'all.

Anyway, our friend and I were in the middle, pretty somewhat decently close to the stage but not close up to be noticed or touched. MVs were playing and the fans would sing along and scream and sing fanchants while the stadium slowly filled up.

By 7:30 the music was blasted much louder than before and then finally after the last MV played, the intro VCR played. BRO THAT WAS A LIT INTRO VCR THO.

Anyway, after the VCR the boys come up and ohhhhh my godddd. I’ve been to a few other KPOP concerts before but I’ve never firsthand experienced being in a GA PIT standing. B R O. ITS AS WILD AS EVERYONE SAYS. Like if you’re not by the barricade/rails near the stage then your kinda fucked, especially if you’re in the mush of the inner crowd. As soon as BTS dropped into the scene I was being pushed all over, forward and side to side oh my godddd. My position itself shifted multiple times. I even lost my friend and got worried Bc she’s such a smol.

Another thing, I’m flipping short y'all and some people were tol or had their phones up. Like I couldn’t see the main stage BTS performed on :/ it was disappointing for me :( and like I already hadn’t eaten anything nor drunk enough water throughout the day like I’m supposed to and I had to deal with people shoving and pushing in the crowd with sweat and our bodies touching. It was very gross and grimey and damn I was a sweating mess.

OK SO. Of course the first song that is performed is Not Today and ohhh my god when the curtain dropped and the music played and the dramatic and rude ass sexual gotmefeelingsometypeofwaybutimstillhypeaf look was showed on the screens shiittttt I couldn’t even believe I was seeing BTS in the golden af flesh. LEGIT THEY ARE ALL MORE BEAUTIFUL IN PERSON COMPARED TO WHAT YOU SEE THROUGH PICTURES AND FANCAMS (It was the same for EXO & GOT7 too yall). OK BACK TO NOT TODAY. I COULDNT BELIEVE MY EYES. THEY WERE SO TAN, SO GLIMMERING AND SHINING AND REAL??? And ohhhh my god. Y'all know I’m a huge hoe for Jungkook but god dAmn Taehyung with the headband and just the way he LoOkEd overall IT HAD ME FEELING SOME TYPE OF WAY (Im starting go relive my tae feels can y'all tell).

I can’t remember the exact order of the songs they performed because it really went by so fast even though the entire concert was 2 and a half hours. I recorded a few performances and I took a couple (maybe many) pics of Jungkook towards the end when he was standing still (I’ll upload these when I get home). Nonetheless, I definitely enjoyed and partied it up with the crowd when I was recording. I really took in the performances and tried to get a good glimpse of the boys but they were on the main stage so it was difficult to see especially when people were in front of me and had their army bombs and cameras up in the air (I was on my toes too).

When Jungkook’s solo stage came on I seriously stopped breathing Bc *sniff* THATS BABE YALL. His voice and beauty and moves and just everything is so unreal he has so much stamina and he’s so built, his thighs are as thick we all see them in pics and just oh. My. God. Jeon Jungkook is a golden beauty and I swear I’ve never been so in love with an idol like this. AND BOOOOIIIII he was sweating SO MUCH. HE SWEAT TF OUT OF HIS SHIRT YOU COULD SEE HIS CHEST THROUGH THE SWEAT ON HIS SHIRT. Y'all know I was screaming my head off.

The next solo stage was Jiminnieboo and omfggg. Listen yall, it was sin af. The lights were red and I swear his top was so low you could see a pec if he bent over a bit. You think suffering through the screen of watching his fancams and the short film of Lie was bad? LORDDDDD. JUST LISTENING TO IT AND WATCHING IT ON THE BIG SCREEN LIVE AND SEEING FROM THE TIPS OF MY TOES ABOVE THE TALL ASS STAGE WAS EVEN WORSE. Never have I ever wanted to suffer so much more by watching this performance. And watching him just dance is so hot like omfg it was great, I love not breathing air and holy shit when he put the blindfold on, I lost my shit and wanted to fling myself in a pit of fire as I’m sure everyone else in the stadium did too. I’m sure at this point I was so focused on just trying to suffer I ended up gawking and staring up at the screen with drool running down the corner of my mouth.

The next solo stage was Yoongs’ and holy jesus Christ when his VCR came on I was so shook af???? LIKE THE VCR IDK MAN??? IT WAS SO ATTRACTIVE JUST SEEING HIS FACE AND SHIT BEING ANGSTY AND HOT AND JUST BEING YOONGI???? LIKE IDK MAN THIS ERA WITH THE BLACK HAIR KINDA FUCKS ME UP???? BUT ANYWAY. Can u believe he rose from the stage leaning all cool and shit against the piano. LIKE B O I YESSSS. And then he drops the first line from his song and suddenly all the screaming you hear comes to a halt? Was that just my mind doing that? :’) His stage was beautiful yall…I can’t believe I heard and watched Min Yoongi perform his solo song :’) Unfortunately it was performed on the main stage so, the struggle was real yall.

After that, MY FAV SONG COMES ON YALL. L O S T. THE BOYS ROSE FROM THE EXTENDED STAGE IN FRONT OF P2. HOLY SHIT THE CROWD WAS WILDT AF AND THERE WAS SO MUCH SHOVING AND PUSHING AT THIS TIME IT WAS FLIPPING ANNOYING AND CRAZY.

But anyway, below is a pic of how close I was :’)

I couldn’t believe I was seeing this stage so close?? And I couldn’t stop looking at Jungkook holy cow he was just so attractive man :’) And the choreo for this song is so beautiful god I can’t even explain just how enticing this performance was for me.

I’m finishing writing this two days later so my memory at this point is a blur RIP ME (I fell asleep when I started writing this and it was hours right after the concert and we spent the whole day in NYC so again couldn’t finish this). I think Namjoon was next. But man…his song Reflection. IT MAKES ME SO EMO. As soon as it dropped I got goosebumps and I just wanted to jump a cliff tbh. Whenever his lyrics “I wish I could love myself” came on, the crowd yelled “We love you” which I wasn’t expecting at all to be that loud but mannnn CHILLS AF.

The next solo stage I believe was Tae’s? I recorded this one even though he performed on the main stage but I captured the video screen! His voice is so great guys, I can’t believe the range he’s capable of :’) he’s not Jungkook or Jimin but who tf says he can’t sing bc he is Kim fucking Taehyung and he is a beautiful ass vocalist :’) how can his voice be as deep as the sea but reach the height of the empire state building?!! TT His stage was so emo, and so beautiful and emotional and jfiewaougfjawe I can’t even. I REALLY love this song too TT ARE YOU CALLING ME A SINNER

The next performance is Hobi’s!! HEY MAMAFIEOFJOFA. CAN I JUST SAY W O W. You know this shit was lit and just breath taking because this boy is such a cute sunshiny fluff ball and he’s over here performing this song about his mom :’) And even though it seems like the song is very pop and happy, there’s like that seemingly sad tone to it?? AM I MAKING ANY SENSE???? But ugh…the background screen would play clips of his past from the old eras, predebut and baby pics…my god it was just emotional to see it all there while he’s performing :’) And his energy and vocality is TT ughghhgg the stage was GREAT MAN THE STAGE WAS GREAT //SOBS// HELLO MAMA TTTTTTTTTTTT

After that is of course mama Jin :’) ughhhh this song guys :’) it emotionally wrecks me. It was just so beautiful and breathtaking to watch Jin perform this and hearing all the fans quiet down but also sing along to the song with him :’) I was so shocked that the fans were singing so loudly man and I just felt so proud and my heart clenched bc I’m pretty sure by the end of his performance Jin was on the brink of tears :’) I just felt so glad that we were able to move him in that way, even if it were just a little.

After Jin’s perf was of course C Y P H E RRRRRR WOOOOOO B RO THAT STAGE WAS L I T. LEMME TELL YOU MAN. THEY ARE RAP GODS RAP KINGS ALL SUPED UP IN THAT VELVETY DRAPE LIKE Y E S STEP ON ME???? The crowd was of course wild and jesus pit was crazy because rap line performed this on the extended stage so my ass was getting pushed all over :’) ESPECIALLY DURING FIRE MY GOD IT WAS SO ANNOYING I CANT STRESS THAT ENOUGH. But still, FIYAAAAAA OH AYE OHHHFEWAOIF. When all of the boys stepped out in those red velvet blazers holy Christ man…THEY LOOK LIKE FUCKCING KINGS??? I mean they are tbh!! After that they performed their older singles and performed 21st century girl and of course that was lit :’) I enjoyed myself here and really just hyped it up and sang along and everything!

After the ment, the next song is Boy Meets Evil. This was performed on the main stage I believe? I remember struggling to see it on stage so it must have been. After that is BST of course and all our asses get wrecked as soon as the instrumental for it drops and the boys come out on stage and get into position and then BAM. PIDDAMNUNMUL *cue moment of self black out bc I cant remember shit so I must have suffered so bad I lost my memory* But seriously though, the fanchants and fans just screaming and singing along to this song was amazing and it just felt really nice :’)

After that they did another ment and said they’d perform one last song? I think it was this one where they said it??? Or was it before BST? O_O okay well, WINGS started playing and the boys danced all over and got really hyped and interreacted with the crowd and everything! They had a dance battle during the dance break part before Hobi’s rap which was a blessing to watch on the extended stage. And then after that they all crouched in front of the camera as Hobi rapped his part and all hyped it up together and man it was a great performance.

I can’t actually remember when or where they said they were going to perform one last song but after chanting BTS a VCR came on and it was a deep one for sure. A montage of their older mvs (the most recent ones from HYYH era I think). I kinda want to watch this again because there’s a quote I saw there that I really liked TT but it was really moving bc one boy = 7 hearts?(something like that) :’)

After that, 2!3! Hoping for better days starts which I think I remember most of the fans sang along to! And then the finally song they performed was Spring Day and of course that was beautiful. I think at this point I was so wiped out the only thing I did was take it all in before the concert ended and just yelled the fanchants and sang along to the song.

Before I knew, the boys said their thanks and goodbyes and then the concert was over and the credits started rolling and the lights were back on and the boys were gone :’)

While this is not the first concert I’ve been to, I’d like to think that this was one of the best ones yet even though I suffered and stressed in pit. Eventually I found my smol friend and we met up with our other two and left the building and off to our hotel.

Anyway, that was my experience! If I had finished it the first day I started working on this it would have probably been a little more detailed so I apologize again for that :’) I hope my experience will hype you guys up for your concert day if you are attending!

- - -TIPS - - -

-Definitely get a lot of rest before the concert date starts. Eat and hydrate very well beforehand just in case you don’t have time or can’t during the day of.

-If you plan on camping out and/or staying out overnight, please make sure to check the weather and be safe and aware of your surroundings if you’re unfamiliar with the area. Also make sure to bring snacks (preferably fruit or granola bars) and water (also, try to keep it clean and don’t be one of those assholes who leave their trash on the ground and scattered all over for the wind to make an even bigger mess). Also if it’s cold af, bringing blankets and hand warmers will help to keep you warm and somehow survive.

-if you’re going alone and you’re worried about meeting people and making friends: don’t be afraid! The people around you are nice (or should be) and they are just as hyped to see BTS perform just as you are! Start a convo and ask where they’re from and who’s their bias of the group and what’s a favorite song they can’t wait to watch be performed!

-if you’re standing in pit: if you get offered a banner I would suggest you either decline it bc you won’t have the hands to hold it OR gladly take it and roll it and keep it in your bag just to store it there because when you’re in pit you will most likely only care about the performance and wanting to try and record it OR may want to just enjoy yourself without the obstruction of any other object but your phone and a bts bomb lightstick in your hands. That’s how it was for everyone in pit at my concert day.

-if you plan on buying merch: bring a bag or decent sized backpack to store your merch in! You want to try and keep from holding too many things in your hands during the concert and this will prevent you from losing things.

-the photo booth: if you plan on using the photo booth, it should be outside the venue somewhere nearby. How it works is by luck and randomness. Depending on the venue I think, you will answer a survey and receive a photocard collage of BTS. A box will be nearby and you will be given the chance to draw from the box for a chance at the photo booth. If you draw an orange ball, you will get to use the photo booth. If you do not get the orange ball, you will have to step out y fortunately :/ (I’m not sure if they let you redo it all over a second time tho). The line for this gets ridiculous.

-if you’re short and you’re standing in pit, I would suggest y'all wear something comfy for the heat (wear deodorant too) and possibly heels or platforms or boots with tall heels so you can see just above the stage and above the heads of the people around you. I was regretting I didn’t bring the tall heels I had Bc I’m sure I would have enjoyed the concert much better. :’)

-if you have signs or fanart you want to show the boys, please be aware of the people behind you and do not obstruct their view. It’s rude and unfair to them so if you’re going to do it, do it for a short time.

-what you do and how you spend your time at the concert is all on you in terms of recording and taking pictures, however I recommend you guys to enjoy the concert as best as you can and try to really embed it into your memory 💕

Good luck and have fun!