#today has not been a good day and I hate that cause yesterday was fine! and I was feeling so much better!

[imwritesometimes]

I wish having self respect and liking my own personality was enough unfortunately I am continuously afflicted with 'you don't have a romantic partner because you're hideous and therefore unworthy of life' disorder

[suguru-getos]

fractures // geto suguru x f!reader // chapter 5

masterlist // summary: the reader is depressed as fuck, going through it yall 😔 suguru finally decides to let her go because he could only take in so much without causing irreparable damage to his own mindset about monkeys. // warnings: angst, comfort (yeah geto sama became suguru for a moment), mentions of fucked up mental health.

hurts… hurts when you didn’t go to the invite suguru had for you, to walk with him in the gardens. its embarrassing whatever your condition is right now. forced to sit amongst everyone who loathes you & hates you for lunch. four days… four days are left now. last night had been bearable, you didn’t accept geto’s offer to join him in the gardens for a walk, and didn’t sleep out of the anxiety of him hurting you. hurts… his grip on your psyche hurts.

it seems detrimental to engage in a conversation amongst a group of people who clearly think they’re better than you. hate you just because you’re weak perhaps. before you realize, you’ve ended up gazing and glancing at the plate. tears flowing from your eyes and a weak sniffle escaping you.

mimiko & nanako glanced at the wounded deer they all have kept in their den. you. “she’s crying.” nanako pouts, you look so beautiful to her she wishes she could just be your friend honestly. though, she doesn’t have the guts to confront suguru about it. “sickening…” manami scoffs, looking at you. “stop crying and stop making the lunch unbearable, i can barely stand your monkey stench.”

monkey stench…

you wonder what that even means. suguru, is awfully quiet. he’s just observing you as you desperately try to wipe of your tears. “be grateful you’re given food at all. waste of space and fucking breaths.” manami snarls again, “or should i beat the shit out of you again just like when i did when you tried to slither out like a pest?”

so much hatred… these people held so much hatred it was eating you apart. scatching you, hollowing you to the very core. you don’t want to be hurt anymore. or maybe they better do a good job at it and hurt you enough so your heart stops.

“that’s fine,” suguru hums, “just focus on the lunch manami.” his words sound like an order. something no one can stand against. it was weird, how it somehow helped you feel the slightest of a shield against their sharp jaws.

you could barely finish the lunch, the food’s taste wasn’t the issue exactly. it was the environment. gently leaning the plate away with more than one-third of the food finished, you get up to leave. no one says anything to you. weird… these people feel weird.

another day passes, and suguru’s affect on you has lessened beyond imaginations. he just lets you be. you wonder why is there a change of heart like this. does he plan to kill you directly? why hasn’t he just hurt you like he usually does? neither have his lackeys. it’s eerie, how you sleep on the bed today, just like you did yesterday night & stare at a wall. the dark circles in your eyes have been daunting. you look like a sack of flesh forced to be alive. it’s unbearable. you wish it would stop. you wish your brain would stop it…

desperate- you gasp and get up and off the bed instantly. hands clutching at your scalp and tugging at your hair with a whimper as you scream cry. everything that’s happened to you so far reminds you of the hell you’re forced in. how geto suguru makes you feel, how you immediately wish this was just the biggest nightmare you’ve ever lived.

suguru… can’t sleep either. it’s weird. his mind is just not working how it should. that’s always been the problem with him. he’s always been someone who’s unfit to be a sorcerer. he cares so much. that’s why he couldn’t stand his comrades & his own friends dying because of filthy monkeys who create those very curses. then why is his heart being torn apart brutally at the sounds of you crying. why is he taking a walk right ‘outside’ your door. this makes no sense. why is he being partial to you? to check his resolve, he’s killed seven monkeys today. all those who should have been useful but weren’t. then there’s you, tearing him apart just with the sound of your sniffles. is it because you’re beautiful? no- that’s not it. it’s just because he doesn’t know where to place you in his self righteous scale of morals.

you need a breath of fresh air, and when you lurch forward to your bedroom door and open it, you’re left aghast when you see geto sama standing in front. you lean back a few steps. blinking rapidly to see him clearly with the foggy vision you hold due to your tears. “i- i- wasn’t - i wasn’t trying to run.” you babble, observing him. watching his feet, his face. “please believe me i wasn’t trying to run- i was just trying to have some fresh air.” you explained yourself, sobbing out at the bone chilling fear.

“please please please — “ you fall into your knees at his silence, face covered with both hands as you break down. “please don’t hurt m-“

suguru just looks at you, eyes softening, his own eyes glazed at your torment. his little monkey pet. “i believe you.” he hums, walking towards you and crouching. he doesn’t need to necessarily touch you. but he does anyway. holding the back of your head and forcing you to lean against his chest. soft pats on your head as you cry out. he is silent. saying anything seems insolent. he can’t really do anything but hope you quiet down with that. why is he even doing this… he doesn’t have time to think through it. it’s impossible.

no… you’re changing him. he can’t have you do that. you can’t change him. that’s impossible. he has a goal to meet. he has to erradicate all the monkeys in this world to make sure sorcerers can live freely. he can’t be sympathetic for a fucking monkey—

“i’ll let you go tomorrow.” he hums, and your eyes widened, what is he even saying? “your parents will give the money within three says, i can’t stand you crying out everyday like a bad omen in my own house.” he hums, watching your facial expressions change to one of pure shock. “you understand? now don’t make me change my decision by crying anymore.”

you desperately nodded, wiping your tears over and over and over like a traumatized child. it is heart breaking really… maybe when he’s without you, and away from you, he would get back the losing and faint sight of his goal.

the next morning, you wake up, groggy as ever. whatever happened last night seems like a fever dream. you don’t even have the energy to think it was reality. maybe geto was tired of you crying and screaming & wanted to shut you up temporarily. yeah, that’s what it seems like at the end of the day. you drag yourself to the bathroom, and take a shower. thoughts jumbled up in the brimming brain fog. you’re tired, your mind & body are unable to keep up with the rapid anxiety you have burning within you.

“good morning.” you blink when you hear geto’s voice while combing through your hair. “morning.” you respond, gazing at him through the mirror. “let’s go.” he raises a brow, watching you, scanning you. maybe you will smile…

maybe… he will see you smile for the first time ever. he’s spend a few hours yesterday night trying to imagine how pretty you would look when you’re smiling brightly. when your lips curl up… do you smile with your eyes? would they squint up? how would you look? he can’t wait but want to see you blossom like that. pathetic really.

“yeah.” there is no response apart from that. you’re dreading this. you don’t know if you would be able to survive when you’re out of here. the fear that’s been instilled inside you wouldn’t just go away like that. as heartbreaking as it is, your body has given up for now.

and that’s exactly what happens. everything passes in a haze. the echoes of multiple footsteps as you walk to the estate gate & sit in the car, eyes fixated at your nails and scratching them up throughout. you don’t register anything until you actually reach home. a faint beep sound is the only thing you hear and the faintest echoes of your parents crying and hugging you. your friends visiting you in the coming next few days and weeks. everything is nothing but a faint echo. you feel like you’re drifting apart, losing a sense of reality. you don’t remember how long it has been since you’ve been back. or if your parents gave suguru the money anyway, or if you are still dreaming about this whole thing and stuck in the geto estate. maybe you died when he carved the word “monkey” in your arm and these are the last bits of delusional memories your brain has in store for you before finally pulling you into slumber….

depressed, numb, and done for. you are done for.

[whatsk-poppinhomies]

Pairing : Seo Changbin x F!Reader & Yang Jeongin x F!Reader TW : For Changbins : reader has type 2 diabetes ; ketoacidosis (is that a TW? Well it is now, it seems like it should be a warning) ; vomiting ; hospitals ; Changbin is still just a big sweetheart that cares too much ; IV's ; reader in a coma ; For Jeongins : reader has arrhythmia (irregular heartbeat) ; and potentially undiagnosed type 2 diabetes ; Jeongin has no clue so is therefore seemingly insensitive ; reader fainting ; Jeongin ending redemption ; Word Count : For Changbins : 4.6k For Jeongins : 4.1k (in total : 8.7k) Request : @maruskz @slayhyunjin & 4 other anons, the reader doesn't feel well!! A/N : THIS ONE IS FOR YOU ALL!! IT'S THE LAST ONE IN THE LINEUP!! I HOPE YOU ENJOY IT!! Thank you to the person in my comments who let me know I (and google) goofed up. I will try to be as accurate as possible when writing about any type of disease, so please let me know in the comments if I'm wrong.

Changbin

“I'm gonna go to the gym with Chan after work, but I should be back home before dinner time.” Changbin said as he pulled his t-shirt on over his head, smiling at you as you laid in the bed still, your eyes still heavy although he chalked it up to you tossing and turning all night and having to get out of bed every couple hours to use the bathroom. “Do you have enough medicine to get you through the day? I can stop at the pharmacy before I go to the gym and drop it off to you.” 

Your head shook in response as you let out a long yawn, sitting up in bed but immediately falling back as your vision momentarily went hazy, which you attributed to sitting up too fast. “I have enough… Thank you Binnie. I gotta work today anyway, so if I need my medicine I can stop by the pharmacy on the way home.” You murmured and he sighed softly, dropping down onto the bed beside you, his hand brushing lightly over your cheeks before leaning in to kiss you. 

“You know I don’t like you walking to the store by yourself…” He reminded you, his bottom lip jutting out into a little pout and you playfully swiped your finger over it causing him to chuckle softly. “Plus you said that you weren’t feeling well… you shouldn’t be going to work like that. You can just stay home and rest… You need to rest, babe.” Bin had been your biggest caregiver since he found out you had diabetes, but not only was he the best caregiver, but supported you through it all, changing his diet as much as he could so that you didn’t feel like you were missing out on good meals, texting you every hour on the hour to check how you were feeling and to make sure you were taking your medicine. He was just as good as any doctor, and you felt safe knowing that you had him. 

“Bin, I’m fine.” You reassured him, grabbing his hand and locking your fingers with his. “I need to go to work… I called out yesterday. I’m not trying to lose my job.” You explained, sitting up more slowly this time and then immediately resting your head against his shoulder. 

“When was the last time you threw up?” He questioned, and you knew that his reasoning for questioning you was valid and it all came from his genuine care for you, it made you feel bad in a way, knowing that he probably spent more time worrying about you than about himself. “I feel like I heard you get sick in the middle of the night…” 

“And you did… But that was the last time I got sick.” You said as cheerfully as you could. “It was probably just some 24 hour stomach bug, I’m totally okay. Now go to work before Chan calls me up and yells at me for making you late.” You kissed along his shoulder, giggling softly at the way he’d purposely flex his muscles whenever you did. “I love you Bin…” 

“I love you too…” He whispered, tilting your head up so he could kiss you correctly, his lips held against yours just a little bit longer than usual as his eyes closed. You could tell that he was worried, but you were adamant, and he knew the one thing you hated was to be coddled because of your disease… But he couldn’t help it, although he tried his best. “Call me if you need anything… Or if you start feeling sick. I’ll rush home… I love you so much, babe.” 

Going to work really was on your agenda for the day, you had even texted your boss to let her know you were coming. Sure, you felt a little tired still, but you attributed that to the fact that you had woken up in the middle of the night to throw up a couple times and it just took a toll on you. You truly thought that you were better, that is, until Changbin was gone and you got up to make yourself breakfast, everything was laid out perfectly on the counter, you were about to start cooking, but, without warning, your body had different ideas and you ended up doubled over the sink, throwing up the lack of contents in your empty stomach. 

You couldn’t seem to catch your breath which put you into panic mode which inevitably made you hyperventilate even more. The entire room seemed to go hazy, or maybe it was just your vision, and it sucked that by the time you came to realize what was going on, you were too late. 

It was hard enough as it was to try to think, it was like every single thought that you once had in your mind was gone, the only thing you felt or could think about was panicking. Your legs gave out and you fell to the floor, and it was like falling against the hard tile had shaken you enough to have you pulling out your phone and dialing the police. Before it could even finish getting through the first ring though, your vision went blank, your thoughts were gone, everything went black…

“I’m just gonna go home and check on her, she hasn’t answered any of my texts.” Changbin informed Chan as they walked down the hall together. It’s not that it was unlike you to be so busy at work that you were late to respond, it’s just that with the way you were feeling the night before, he just wanted to make sure you were okay. “I’ll meet you at the gym.” 

“Nah, I’ll go with you, just in case you need me.” And it’s not that anything in Changbins words had made the oldest feel that way, he just felt like he should be there. “Plus I haven’t seen her in a while, you never bring her into the studio anymore.” 

“Well she has her doctor's appointments and then she has to work…” He explained as he climbed into the elevator, holding it open for Chan before pressing the button to go down to the main floor. “I always tell her that she doesn’t have to work… I think she just feels like that’s the one thing in her life that she has control of… I don’t want to take that away from her.” 

Chan nodded understandingly, he knew all about your conditions, all of the guys did. Changbin was very upfront about it, letting them all know that there would be days that he wouldn’t make it into work on time so he could go to appointments with you, and there would also be days that he wouldn’t come in at all because you needed him more than the group did. You were always and would always be Changbins top priority, and everyone was well aware of that. They didn’t mind, they saw how happy you made him, and they knew that if anything would ever happen to you, they’d end up losing him anyway. 

“I thought she was going to the gym with you on her days off… Did she stop?” Chan posed the question as he pushed through the front doors to the building, holding it open for Changbin and then following him down to the car. “We could have a gym double date or something?” 

Changbins nose crinkled at the thought, and then he chuckled lightly, shaking his head. “Y/Ns just been feeling tired lately. I don’t want to push her. We take morning walks together and the doctor said that was enough until her energy comes back. They did switch her medicine recently, so that might be it.” He climbed into the drivers side and waited for Chan to get in before starting up the car. “I hope she packed herself a lunch, she shouldn’t be eating the junk they sell near her work… I should have packed her a lunch before I left.” 

“You think too much, too pessimistic…” Chan mused, leaning back in the seat and glancing over at Changbin who seemed too lost in his thoughts right now. “You do a lot for her, not because you have to, but because you want to, because you love her… There’s not a lot of men who wouldn’t do that…” 

“Well those men are assholes.” Changbin stated matter-of-factly, stopping at the red light that would have him turning down the street to home. “She deserves all the love in the world, maybe more… I wish I could give her every ounce of my love… I’d give her my entire heart…” 

Chan pursed his lips, nodding along to what he was saying as he watched the familiar houses scroll past the window until he pulled into the driveway. “When does she usually go to work? She might already be there…” Chan mused when he saw that there was a package on the front step. 

“Maybe they called her in early?” Changbin mumbled as he climbed out of the car, running up to the front porch and picking up the box before letting himself in. It wasn’t rare, in actuality it was quite annoyingly frequent that you were called in at a moments notice, usually going into work with an empty stomach, leaving Changbin to panic the entire time you were gone. “I hate when they do that to her…” 

“It looks like she was in the middle of cooking something… or about to cook something at least.” Chan commented as he followed Changbin into the house, noticing the ingredients that were scattered around the counter, the sink not exactly running, but it was still dripping. “Looks like she left in a hurry.” 

Changbin groaned loudly, pulling out the trash bin and dumping everything that littered the counter into it before slamming his hand down against the sink faucet to stop the incessant dripping. “I don’t care how much of a hurry she’s in… She shouldn’t leave the house like this.” He grumbled, looking around at the knives and the cutting board that were partially used. “It’s that damn job… She’s so scared of losing it… And they know that. They hold it above her head… And she won’t listen to me… It’s ridiculous. But to leave the kitchen looking like this!” His hands flew up in the air in disbelief before coming back down, slapping against the counter top. “You know what… I’m going to her work. I need to talk to someone… They’re completely taking advantage of her.” 

Chan awkwardly chewed on his bottom lip, partially regretting coming along for the little journey that Changbin was now taking him on, but he hoped that being there himself would at least help him to be level headed enough to be as calm as possible. “Just… Don’t make a scene… And don’t try to jump across the counter, okay? We can talk about things like adults… Can’t we?” 

Changbin rolled his eyes, not even answering the question as he walked out the door and climbed back in the car. The kitchen was disgusting, but he could never actually be mad at you, not at all… You were too innocent, and you’d never think that your work was doing exactly what Changbin knew they were doing. That’s why he wanted to talk to them specifically, whoever had called you in… “Oh I’m gonna talk about things… It’s up to them whether we keep things cordial though. Taking advantage of my girl like that? Not gonna happen! Not anymore!” 

Chan knew that Changbin was an excellent driver, he was safe, he followed all the traffic rules, he’d drive with him whenever he felt he needed to… But not today. Changbin was pissed, and a driving, pissed off Changbin threw all of his cares to the wind. Traffic rules did not exist, and the other drivers abided by whatever rules Changbin came up with on the spot. “You know, if you get pulled over… You won’t be able to talk to anyone except the police.” Chan tried to remind her, but Changbin wasn’t listening to anything but the sound of the engine revving as he whipped around a couple other cars before pulling-very badly-into a parking spot right in front of your work. “There are going to be so many cops around your car when you get out of the store, oh my god.” 

“As long as I get to finish with this conversation before they pull me out of the store, then fine.” Changbin said as he climbed out, his muscles tensed, the irritation just radiating around him. Chan was hesitant, but he knew that following him into the store would be the best course of action, so he did, but he did stay a little further behind, watching from a distance as Changbin walked up to the counter. “Alright… Where is she!? I know she had to work today and to be honest, she might say it, but I’m getting real fucking sick and tired of you taking advantage of her niceness and her willingness to work.” 

The man at the counter was visibly confused as he looked around himself and then back at Changbin. “Uhm… dude… I don’t know what… Or who you’re talking about…” He mumbled, peering around Changbin to see the person waiting behind him. “But if you’re not buying anything… Can you get out of the line?” 

Changbin turned around, smiling kindly to the stranger behind him, but the smile fell just as quickly when he turned back around to face the man at the register. “I know you called Y/N in today! Where is she, huh? You got her doing some backroom stocking shit right now?! You know she can’t do that! She didn’t even get to finish making her meal because you guys always call her in! It’s bullshit! Why have a damn schedule if you’re just gonna text her and tell her you need her earlier?” 

“What are you talking about?” The man, now having harvested a little bit of sass to stand up to Changbin, who was still much bigger than the guy. “Y/N isn’t even here right now. She totally flaked on her hours, and the manager has been trying to get a hold of her but she hasn’t answered. How about you try calling her instead of coming in here and causing a scene and scaring away our customers.” The guy impatiently tapped his fingers against the counter before motioning with his head for Changbin to move. “Can you go now?” 

If you weren’t at work… And you weren’t at home… Where the hell were you? His anger dissipated and quickly turned to worry. Your medicine was running out, but you had told him that you had enough to get you through the day. You were feeling sick the night before, but you claimed it was just a stomach bug and that you were feeling fine now. It’s not like you would leave him… He never gave you any reason to do something like that… Right? 

“Maybe you should call the neighbors… See if they know anything?” Chan suggested as he and Changbin sat in the car, still parked in front of the store, and shockingly enough, there wasn’t a single officer in sight to get on Changbin about his reckless driving. That was a good thing though, clearly Changbin wasn’t in the mood or in the right state of mind to handle that kind of interaction. “Or maybe the police station or the hospital… See if any calls came in from your address?” 

Changbin nodded, the movement kind of stiff as he pulled out his phone. He didn’t know where to start, but he also didn’t know the neighbors number, not by heart, and most of them had work today and they weren’t home. He didn’t want to have to call the hospital because that was the last place he wanted you to be, but it was the only option he had, the only line he had to hold on to right now.  

The call was short, and for the first time the entire day, Changbin had been almost completely silent, only giving out the address and then a series of mumbled out acknowledgements were heard before the silence that followed once the call was ended. It was a scary silence though, one that held far too much emotion, and although Changbin hadn’t said anything, Chan could feel it. “So… What did they-” 

There wasn’t a chance to finish as Changbins fists came down on the steering wheel, punching against it repeatedly as tears began to trickle down his cheeks, his screams cut off by his sobs. Chan didn’t know what to do, but he felt like he should try to stop him, mainly because the steering wheel looked like it would break off and neither of them needed that to happen. “Don’t touch me! Don’t!” Changbin shouted when Chan tried to grab his arms, but it had stopped his assault on the wheel momentarily, his head falling forward as his body shook. 

“Changbin…” Chan said breathlessly, falling back against the seat and staring up at the roof of the car. “I don’t know what the hell is going on… But you can’t just beat up the car. If you want me to take you to the hospital, I will, because based on your reaction I’m just feeling like that’s where she is. Or I can take you home. Either way, you’re not driving, not like this. You’ll get in an accident and nobody wants that.” 

He sniffled softly, nodding his head as he lifted it from the wheel, opening the door slowly and climbing out, walking around to the passenger side of the car. “They said… She was there…” He muttered, watching Chan climb over to the drivers side and then quickly getting in and putting on his seatbelt. “They said that she…. She can’t talk right now…” His head shook and his shakily sniffled, his entire body trembling as he practically gasped for air. “I knew there was something wrong… She wasn’t feeling good and… And I was worried but I didn’t do anything. I didn’t stay with her… I should have taken her to the hospital… I didn’t… I failed her…” 

Chan knew that the guilt would be there, but it didn’t make it any less heartbreaking to see his friend, his brother like this. He didn’t even know what to do, because he knew that if the shoe was on the other foot, he’d be feeling the same way. “You didn’t fail her… You believed her because she said that she was okay… That’s not your fault. Plus, you said it yourself, she likes feeling like she has some sort of control over her life… Maybe she thought she’d be able to get better herself…” 

“That doesn’t change the fact that I left… She’s supposed to trust me and… how can she trust me now… when I left her… Like that…” He was stumbling over his words as his tears continued to fall down his cheeks, his hands quickly swiping across his face to wipe them away. “She was… She was in the middle of making her lunch… She didn’t even get to eat…” 

There was nothing that Chan could say to get Changbin out of his own head, so he just listened, completely understanding where he was coming from, but he wished that Changbin would understand that it wasn’t his fault. “She’s sick Changbin… These things happen… You’ve done a lot of research on it, you know these things can happen. But you can’t protect her all the time… You just can’t.” 

Changbin was silent for a moment, his thumb coming up to his mouth as he chewed on his nail. “I want to… I want to protect her… I researched things and… And I knew that things like this could happen and I still left her. I knew the symptoms that were bad… and she had all of them… Why did I leave?” He was breathing heavily, it almost sounded like he was about to throw up himself. “If I was there..-“ 

“It still would have happened because she was sick, Changbin…” Chan said sternly, trying to snap Changbin out of this self deprecating spiral he was in. “You can’t be with her every second of every day, and I’m sure she wouldn’t want you to be like that anyway. This would have happened whether you were home with her or not. Beating yourself over it won’t change things.” 

The hospital towered over the car, shadowing him and Chan when they stepped out, like a giant dark cloud and Changbin hated it. He hated hospitals anyway, and the only reason he was going in was because you were in there. “You don’t have to follow me in…” He mumbled when Chan climbed out of the car as well. “She wouldn’t want to be crowded.” 

“I’ll wait in the waiting room, I’ll wait for you. You can’t stay here all night and someone needs to drive you home.” Chan said and Changbin just nodded, he didn’t have the energy to go against what he said. “Do you need me to go up to the front desk and ask f-“ 

“I’m not an infant.” Changbin snapped before taking a deep breath and running his hands over his face. “Sorry… I just… I’m scared, hyung. I can do it though… thank you.” Chan pursed his lips as he patted Changbins back, holding the door open for him and then following behind. 

It was hard to ask the lady at the front desk about you, mainly because it made it more real that you were truly there. His voice cracked and his vision became blurry as he started to cry again just from simply asking what room you were in. 

“The treatment is going well, sir. It’s-” 

“Is it?” Changbin cut the doctor off as he stood at the end of your bed, the IV’s poking out of your arm looked painful, and the tubes that were in your nose and your mouth to help you breathe surely weren’t reassuring. “Is it really going well, because if it were, she’d be awake right now. She’d be happy to see me… But she’s sleeping… She’s still sleeping… So tell me how this is supposed to show me that the treatment is going well.” 

His fingers were wrapped tightly around the footboard of the bed, and his head slowly turned to look at the doctor who was, rightfully, quite scared of Changbin. His temperament was nothing short of seemingly hostile, and it seemed like anything could make him snap in an instant. “Sir… We truly are trying to get her to rise as soon as possible, and I assure you, she will be okay… She will wake up… But this rest, it’s, in a sense… It’s kind of helpful… Her body has surely been through a lot.” The word helpful in this setting was definitely not something that Changbin wanted to hear, and his teeth gritted together as he narrowed his eyes at the doctor. “Wh-What I meant to say is… She was sick… For a while. Maybe she knew, maybe she didn’t, we’re unsure… But her body just wasn’t able to produce enough insulin and… Well I’m sure that you know what ketoacidosis is-” 

“Yes I know what that is.” Changbin snapped, his breaths becoming more harsh as he glared at the doctor. “I’ve done everything to protect her… To make sure she’s healthy and well… So why did this happen?!” He knew that shouting at the doctor wouldn’t give him the answers that he wanted so badly, but he needed to get it all out, he needed to let go of the anger that he was holding in towards himself, and sadly for the doctor, he was the only one in the room right now. 

“We all want to protect the people that we love, and I tell you, it is crystal clear that you love her… But you can’t always protect them, you can’t always protect her, and you can’t protect her from herself. She’s got a disease, and with this disease comes moments like this… And that’s just something that you either get used to… Or-” 

“I’m not leaving her.” Her hissed, finally turning back to look at you. “You hear that, babe. I’m not leaving you… You’re stuck with me. I’m gonna sit right here beside you until your beautiful eyes open and you look up at me and I can tell you how much I love you…” 

“Well…” The doctor whispered sheepishly, his hands clapping together as he looked nervously as Changbin, slowly backing away in the process. “There are visiting hours and… Everyone kind of has to abide by those hours. You won’t really be able to stay in here… Or sit beside her… As sweet as the sentiment is…” 

Changbin chuckled, although there was nothing funny about what was going on, and the sound was more snarky than anything as he grabbed the chair from the corner of the room and sat it down next to your bed, dropping down into it and crossing his arms over his chest. “I said I’m not leaving… And you can try to drag me out of here, but I’ll come back. I’ll always come back because I’m not leaving her here with you guys all by herself. So you can either cause a bigger problem… Or you can just let me sit here.” 

The doctor relented, shaking his head as he walked out of the room. Changbin wasn’t sure whether he should prepare himself for security to come in and try to get him out, or maybe the doctor was just letting the other doctors and the nurses know about the way that he was. Whatever the reason, no one had come in the room for the past five minutes, and he felt like he was in the clear, so he let himself finally look at you, really look at you. 

“Why didn’t you tell me you were feeling bad?” He murmured, grabbing your hand and holding it tightly, wishing for the feeling of your fingers slipping between his own, but there was no movement, there was nothing. Your hands felt so cold in his and he quickly placed a kiss to the back of it before sliding it underneath the blanket to try to keep you warm. “I think I made you lose your job… But it’s okay… I’ll take care of us, I promise I will… I can even find you a job in the office if you really want to work… I just want you close to me.” Your heart rate started to climb the more he spoke, and that in itself had a solemn smile gracing his saddened features. “You hear me… I know you do. I’m right here, I’m not going anywhere. I love you… And I’d do anything to hear you say it back right now… I just need you to wake up.” His sniffles were loud as his head fell forward against the bed, his entire body shaking and his fingers gripping onto the blankets. He had never felt so helpless when it came to you, but the doctor was right… He couldn’t protect you from yourself… That didn’t mean that he wouldn’t try though. In fact, he’d try harder now… He needed you to wake up though… That’s all he needed. 

Jeongin

Jeongin didn’t exactly live with you, although the guys often joked that he might as well considering he was over your house more than anything else. It’s not even that he didn’t want to live with you, to be completely honest, he just liked the way you sounded in the morning when he rolled out of bed, the way you’d so cutely ask him if he was coming back over when he got off work. Of course he was, there was nowhere else he’d rather fall asleep than beside you, but he loved teasing you, and you’d pout up at him making it almost impossible to resist kissing your perfect lips. 

From a technical standpoint, he had been living with you for three months now… and Jeongin was not only an amazing person to live with, but he was also an amazing boyfriend. Not for the typical reasons though, actually, it was quite the opposite. Your condition wasn’t too bad, it definitely wasn’t the best medical ailment to have, but… When life gives you lemons… You make what you can with those lemons. 

In the duration of your relationship, you had become somewhat of a master at both treating your condition and hiding it from Jeongin. Now, you may be asking… Why hide it from him? And, the reason was quite simple. You loved him, and the last thing you needed him to do was worry about you when he had so much to worry about himself. He was a jokester, he was a smartass, but he had a heart twice the size of the moon it seemed sometimes, and if he knew that there was something wrong with you he’d worry too much. 

It also made it easier to relax, to be able to somewhat make light of the situation, which of course shouldn’t be made light of, but sometimes you just got tired of the seriousness from the doctors and your family, you got tired of being constantly told to watch for your blood pressure, to listen to your heartbeat, to take your medicines. You just wanted to be able to joke around sometimes. 

“Damn sweetcheeks!” Jeongin teased as he laid his head on your chest, your fingers brushing lightly through his hair as you both watched tv. “I really do make your heart go boom boom crazy.” And you couldn’t help but snort loudly at the comment because, while he wasn’t exactly wrong, your heart already beat like crazy, he just made it even crazier. “It’s cause I’m cute, isn’t it?” 

You rolled your eyes at him, teasingly pushing him away. “Oh yeah, you’re totally cute.” You said mockingly, watching his eyes go wide at the very obvious sarcasm. “You’re the cutest, Innie. You already know that though.” You leaned in to press a kiss to his forehead before sitting up and taking a deep breath, winded just from goofing up. 

“Ooh, looks like I take your breath away too. Even after two whole years, I’ve got the same effect on you.” He sat up, kissing your forehead before getting up off the couch. “As much as I’d love to stay here with you for the rest of the morning, I have to go to work.” He pouted, as if you would somehow be able to bribe Chan into letting Jeongin stay home. “I guess I’ll just… walk out the door now… be gone for almost ten hours… that’s how long you won’t see me…” 

He was always so dramatic, sometimes it seemed like Hyunjin had really rubbed off on him, not that you minded though. At the beginning of the relationship he had been so shy, it was like he avoided your touch and your affection, but now he was as clingy as you thought you were in the beginning. “The door will be unlocked when you get off, pooh bear.” You reassured him and he pouted even more now, causing you to, foolishly, jump off the couch, your head spinning and your vision going partially blank as your balance wobbled. 

“Woah… you good there, sweets?” He asked, his usually cheerful voice masked with his worry as he placed his hands on your shoulders to hold you steady. “You coulda just told me to come over to give you the hug. Try not to get up so fast.” His hands slid down to your hips and he pulled you closer, leaning in to kiss you softly. “I’ll let you know when I get off and if you need anything from the store I’ll get it on my way back… I mean… If you want me to come over.” 

“Oh shush…” You pressed your finger against his lips with a smile, still breathing quite heavily as you leaned your head against his chest, your hands falling to your side. “You can come over whenever because it’s your house too… It’s our house.” You kissed his chest and then backed up, falling back onto the couch. “Don’t work too hard… I’ll miss you.” 

His lips drew into a thin line as he looked you over, trying not to think so hard about the way your head fell back against the couch and your eyes closed, your chest rising and falling heavily. If there was something wrong, you’d surely tell him… Of course you would. He was your boyfriend, you could tell him anything, he wanted you to tell him everything. “I’ll miss you too… I’ll be home in a couple hours… Love you.” 

You hummed in response, listening for the door to shut before getting up and sprinting to your room, which in itself was a bad idea, falling to the floor and pulling out the shoebox full of medicine out from under the bed and taking one of the pills, laying your head against the edge of the bed as you tried to relax. You weren’t sure how much longer you could hide this from him, and you could see that he was already picking up on something being wrong, he just wasn’t questioning it verbally. It was just a matter of time now. 

“Y/N’s been acting really weird lately…” Jeongin mused as he and the guys took a small break during practice, leaning against the wall and taking a sip of his drink, his mind reeling with far too many things right now. “I don’t know, maybe I’m just overthinking things… I do that sometimes…” He basically talked to himself now even though the rest of the guys were listening. 

“Depends on what kind of weird it is.” Minho posed, and whether it was done on purpose or simply to try to help Jeongin get to the bottom of the way that he was feeling, it wasn’t helping at all. “Is it like a sneaky weird, like… Like does she have a secret side boyfriend? Is she gonna break up with you?” The questions were both terrifying and gut wrenching at the same time, Jeongins eyes widened at the possibility, but you would never do something like that… Not without talking to him first. 

“N-No… It’s… It’s like a sick… Like she’s sick or something.” He quickly explained what had happened this morning, the way that you acted. He was worried sick, but he felt like if it truly was nothing then you’d think he was silly for being so scared. Then again, it came along with being your boyfriend… He was supposed to worry about you, right? That’s the way it seemed when he watched the other guys with their partners.

Minho hummed, nodding his head as he snorted softly, placing a gentle hand on Jeongins shoulder to try to calm the obviously worried boy. “She’s on her period. That’s what’s going on… And I promise you… She’ll be totally fine. She’ll just bleed for a couple days, she’ll probably cramp up so bring her lots of her favorite snacks and heating pads to help her… But other than that… There’s not really much that you can do. Best of luck.” 

Your period, of course! Why hadn’t he thought of that?! He had been with you for a quite a while now, and he knew that your body wasn’t the kindest to you when it was that time of the month. “Right… Maybe I can get her some… Some ibuprofen or something too… To help with the cramps… Shouldn’t I?” He asked, looking to all of his hyungs for answers to this current situation that none of them knew about, but they had partners that suffered the same monthly fate that you did, so they at least knew enough. 

“That’s good… That’s a good idea. Look at you! So smart.” Jisung ruffled Jeongins hair as he walked by, earning himself a grimace from Jeongin who took the comment as sarcasm, but he felt like he was a good boyfriend… A really good boyfriend for thinking of the medicine. He didn’t like seeing you in pain, and while he was rarely ever around for your times of the month because of work… He remembered the one time he came home when you were having really bad cramps and it broke his heart to see you hurting so badly. 

“I’m the best boyfriend here. I’m gonna go home and take care of my girl.” Jeongin boasted quite proudly, and no one in the room disagreed. They were proud of him, they were happy for him. He had finally found someone to share his life with, he had grown and matured so much in the process too… They couldn’t feel anything but pride for having him as their little brother. 

You laid across the couch, trying your best to relax, but it didn’t seem to be working, not the way it usually would. The last time you had felt this bad was so long ago, it had been your parents who had rushed you to the hospital, your feet not even touching the floor of the car yet as your mom sat in the backseat with you to try to help you breathe through it. The medicine was supposed to keep this from happening, or at least from happening as bad as it was right now. For the longest time it had helped, maybe you had just waited too long before taking it today. 

“I’m home, sweets!” Jeongin announced as he walked through the front door, the sudden entrance startling you and saving you from slipping into unconsciousness yet again. “I know you’ve been feeling bad lately… So I got you some stuff.” He held the bags with a wide smile, and you didn’t know how he found out, but somehow he did. At least he wasn’t mad or upset with you for hiding it for so long. 

“What’s in the bags, Innie?” You quizzed when he set them down on the floor next to the couch and then walked into the kitchen. “It looks like a lot.” It was about four bags, but they all seemed to be stuffed with a bunch of different things. 

“Yah! Don’t go looking through the bags yet! I want to sit with you and watch your face when you see everything I got!” He called out, and you felt so warm, and your heart that was already beating erratically, fluttered even more. He had found out about your condition, and instead of coming straight home and trying to talk to you about it, he had gone and gotten you treats… He was the sweetest, kindest- “Damn, you really have been on that couch all day.” 

Your soft thoughts practically record scratched at his words, and usually you’d be able to hear the teasing tone or the sarcasticness in his voice when he said something like that… But not this time. “What are you talking about? I have gotten up off the couch…” You defended yourself, because you really have been up on your feet, it just wasn’t the best thing for you to do right now so you were trying to keep yourself safe, that’s what your doctor had advised you to do when you felt this way. 

The sink started running and you could hear the trash can lid being opened, slapping against the counter before being closed again. “Well not to do anything productive.” He countered, and you swore it was like a complete 180 with him. How could he just come home and seem so understanding and then get like this in a matter of seconds? “You left everything from breakfast all over the counters… Do you even know how long it’s been since I made you breakfast? That’s slob behavior!” He was clearly annoyed, and every time something was slammed down or thrown into the sink to be washed, your heart would skip a couple more beats and your chest would tighten up even more. “I know you’ve got your period and all… But damn, you couldn’t even clean off the counter or run some water over the plates? That’s just lazy.” 

Period? You didn’t have your period… But now it was making sense. He thought he knew what was going on… He thought it was your period… That’s why he had bought so many things to try to make you feel better. He must have noticed you acting strange this morning and tried his best to figure it out, and obviously he wasn’t going to jump immediately to what your real condition was, there was no reason for him to even think that’s what was wrong. “I don’t have my period…” You retorted breathlessly, two fingers pressing against your neck as your eyes closed to focus on the rather quick, maybe far too quick, beating of your heart. “You don’t… You don’t know what’s wrong…” 

“Oh clearly I do! You don’t have your period, there’s nothing actually keeping you from being even slightly clean. You’re just lazy.” He said as he turned off the sink in the kitchen and walked past you behind the couch. “I should have just stayed at the dorms tonight, at least they know how to clean up after themselves.” 

You didn’t know where this was coming from, why he was being like this, but you were quickly moving on from being upset, to thoroughly pissed, and neither of those were good for your blood pressure right now. “Yeah… You should have… Because you’re not really helping me out here at all. You don’t fucking listen!” 

Jeongin laughed sarcastically as he rolled his eyes. “I don’t help!? I just cleaned the whole fucking kitchen because you didn’t, but I’m not helping you out. Okay. Yeah… Yeah okay, we’ll go with that.” He scoffed loudly, shaking his head as he went to the front door. “You know what, next time you want to lay around on the couch all day, at least have the common decency to clean up a bit so I don’t have to do it when I get home from work.” 

God, he was absolutely infuriating. This was a side of him that you had never seen before, and while he didn’t know what was wrong, it didn’t give him any right to talk to you like that. “Just get out… Get the fuck out!” You gasped out the demand, going light headed from the stress of it all. 

“Gladly!” He shouted, throwing up his arms before yanking open the door and walking out. He always had to have the last word, and that in itself was the final straw, the breaking point for you. It was an awful idea, but your anger momentarily fueled you, pushing yourself up off the couch and grabbing one of the bags off the floor, beaming it at the door that he had just walked out of. 

Sure, he had walked out, but he wasn’t actually planning on leaving. After a couple minutes he planned on going back in and shamefully apologizing for what he said. He was leaning against the front door when he heard the loud bang against it and a bunch of items falling to the floor, and he knew without a doubt that it had been one of the bags, it was the closest thing to you right now. What he didn’t know though, was the sound that followed after. A loud thud and glass shattering, and he knew for a fact that it came from inside the apartment, and he couldn’t seem to get inside fast enough. 

From the sound of it, it just seemed like you had tripped over the coffee table and maybe knocked over one of the glasses that were sitting on it. Upon further inspection and actually seeing it, he could tell that it was way worse. The coffee table, which was glass as well, was now shattered completely underneath you, which in itself was scary considering how dangerous it was, but the scariest part was the fact that you weren’t moving, you weren’t making any sounds at all. 

“Y/N!” He rushed over to your side, the sound of glass crunching beneath his feet as he got closer was stomach turning, knowing that a majority of it was beneath you. “Hey… Hey come on… Get up now… This isn’t funny…” He rushed out the words as he kneeled down beside you, hoping that you’d open your eyes and laugh at how worried he is right now and it would be the perfect get back for what he had just done… Although there was no way that you would have been able to plan for this to happen… No… Something was actually wrong. “Fuck… Come on, sweets… Y-You know I love you… S-So much… You’re scaring me real bad right now…” He rambled, his hands shaking as he tried to move you off the pile of glass, feeling the slight warmth against your back when he got his hands under you. 

“Sh-Shoe… Box…” Your voice was weak as you wheezed out the word that only had him more dumbfounded. The hell did a shoebox have to do with it? Did you trip over one of his shoe boxes? “Under… Th-The bed…” You continued, your eyes opening momentarily, only for them to roll to the back of your head, your neck going limp once more as your breaths became even faster as more labored. The bedroom was so far away, and that meant that he’d have to leave you alone to get it… And even if it was just for a moment, he didn’t want to leave you like this.

“Shit… What… What do I do?” He whimpered, looking between your body that lay in his arms and the bedroom door that was cracked open. “I’ll… I’ll be right back… I’ll get it… I will…” He whispered, and he carefully laid you back down on the floor, feeling bad enough as it is, but leaving you there only made him feel worse. He didn’t even know that there was a shoebox under the bed, he had never seen it, and part of him thought that you were just hallucinating… But he still ran to the room, basically diving onto the floor and reaching underneath. Lo and behold, there was a box, one that he had never seen before, and when he opened it up, he saw a vast assortment of medications, a blood pressure cuff, a stethoscope, and the phone number for your doctor. “What… What the fuck?” 

It wasn’t the right time for questioning things, not yet, and he ran back out into the living room with the box, lowering himself to the floor beside you. Your eyes were beginning to flutter once again beneath your lids, and then they slowly opened, looking up at him in a sort of daze. “Shoe… Box… Under the-” 

“Under the bed… I got it…” He finished your sentence, pulling out the multiple bottles of medication and holding them up. “Wh-What do you need? Which… Which one?” Your hand was shaking and you could barely lift your arm up to point at the bottle, but he moved them closer and your pointer finger slid across one of them, and he hoped to god that you were paying attention, that you knew what you had picked because he didn’t know a damn thing about any of them. 

His own hands were shaking as he popped off the lid of the bottle and poured one of the pills into the palm of his hand, grabbing one of the bottles of soda from out of the bag that was still on the floor and then gently lifted your head up. Your lips parted just enough for him to slip the pill into your mouth, and he ever so carefully brought the bottle of soda to your lips, tilting it so you’d get just enough to swallow the medicine without any trouble. 

How long would it take to work though? Had he given you the right one? His nerves were absolutely shot right now, his mind was in a frenzy, and it felt like it took forever for you to finally seem stable enough to actually talk. “The cuff… Pen… Paper… Number…” You muttered, and he didn’t know what the hell you were talking about, but you seemed to know, and you seemed to have done it enough to be able to do these things on your own even when you were still partially out of it. 

“How long…?” He whispered, and you quickly shushed him, your eyes shut as the hum of the blood pressure machine filled the room that was otherwise silent apart from your still shallow breaths. Once it had finished, you wrote the numbers on a tiny slip of paper and then slipped them back into the box. 

“I’m okay… Gonna have to sweep this up…” You said as you looked around yourself, shaking your head as you slowly got to your feet, but you stumbled once again once you were on them, causing Jeongins panic to only worsen as he wrapped his arms around your waist, his eyes glossy as he stared at you and held you steady. 

“No… We’re talking… We… We need to talk…” He stammered, moving you to the couch and sitting you down, standing in front of you so he could really see you, so you could see him. “Y-You hid this from me… I… I still don’t know what’s going on… I’m scared… I’m worried… I’m fucking traumatized!” Your head once again rolled back against the back cushion and he rushed to grab your hand, his own heart racing. “What’s wrong? Are you okay?” 

“This… This is why I hid it…” You mumbled, your eyes still shut as you spoke. “It’s too much for you… It’s too much for anyone… I didn’t want to put you through this…” 

“What are you talking about?!” He screeched, and while he thought it had been devastating to know that there was something like this going on without his knowledge, he was even more devastated to know that you had purposely kept it from him because you thought he couldn’t handle it. “I’m your boyfriend! I want to know these things! I want to be able to help you! If it’s about you… If it’s for you… Nothing is too much.” 

“Jeongin… I didn’t do it to hurt you… Or to upset you… I did it because I care… I care about you. I didn’t want you… Worrying about me… You wouldn’t be able to focus on work… You’d constantly be wondering if I’m… If I’m having another episode… I just… I didn’t want this to ruin things for you…” You were breathing heavily again, your fingers wrapping around your wrist as you silently mouthed numbers. Did you have to do this every day? He had never seen you do this, and there were many times he had days off and things weren’t this bad. “We should just… Break up… So you don’t-”

 “What?! Absolutely fucking not!” He screamed, kneeling on the floor in front of you and grabbing your hands, waiting for you to look at him before speaking. “You think breaking up will help? You think just ending this will make me forget about everything? You think it’ll immediately change the way I feel about you? I fucking love you, Y/N! And you’re goddamn right I’m worried about you… I’m gonna worry about you every single day for the rest of my life whether you were sick or not because I care about you.” Your eyes shut once more, but now shiny tears danced along your cheeks before hanging onto your chin, refusing to fall. “I may be young… And I’m dumb as shit sometimes… But I’m not a fucking idiot, I’m not gonna let you go, I’m not… I love you too damn much… I’m gonna take care of you… I will… You’re gonna be stuck with me the rest of your life, and I hope that I’m lucky enough to be stuck with you for the rest of mine.”

[phoenix--flying]

pjo characters as things my friend group has said

Hazel: I just kinda radiate towards caves

Nico: Breathing has been taken out of Nicos software

Connor: I can speedrun to your house when you're home alone

Cecil: raisins are dehydrated rats

Percy: It's a roller coaster where the only option is to die

Will: I just goooot- my jugular sliced open by a cat

Nico: We're going out tonight and killing all the homophobes. Call it a date

Will: Why am I so much taller then- Oh its cause im standing on a dead body

Connor: You're sooo welcome. I literally did nothing

Hazel: Just because your trash doesn't mean you can't do great things. It's called a trash can not a trash cannot

Piper: Cut my hair, I'll cut your throat

Thalia: Sometimes I do slap kids

Travis: When I grow up I'm gonna be a legal drug dealer

Beckendorf: I’m going to drop kick myself into space

Malcom: Briefly describe three applications that make use of the total eternal reflection of light Connor: The colour seven

Grover: Percys reaching old age, we should put him in a retirement home

Piper: Leo what did you do Leo: I may have burned down an orphanage and it may have spread to this site.

Lou Ellen: Travelling, usually done on the ceiling

Will: Imagine sitting on your couch watching TV and your phone buzzes. Reminder: Breathe

Austin: i just broke an acorn.. panic whY IS THERE AN ACORN IN MY ROOM

Nico: i feel like today happened yesterday and i just slept for all of tomorrow and woke up in the evening

Malcom: yeah i fell down the stairs and broke my spine in 3 places Connor: that's hot

Jason: Nitroglycerin. The forbidden smoothie

Will: I always look like trash. Annabeth: I know that's why I hate looking like trash

Travis: well we only have a few minutes left of class.. y'all wanna watch something explode

Piper: It sounded like you smoked 10 packs of cigarettes and then hit puberty

Jason: Imagine you get fired the day after you die

Nico: My stomach just like...started learning German

Nyssa: Leo if you don't leave, i'm shoving this desk fan up your ass

Jason: I slammed my foot on the accelerator, running multiple red lights at 220km/h, because I wanted to drive safe

Nyssa: When you go through the car wash but you forget the car

Drew: *points at trashcan* That looks like you

Nico: I only want chemistry between me and a coffin

Jake: Gotta put your wheelchair in 4Wheeldrive. Outdoor mode. Off-road mode

Leo: Murder is ok as long as its fine

Percy: Maybe if I fall asleep on my textbook I'll wake up with all the knowledge

Connor: Let's play spin the bottle but it's only you and me

Leo: Now how do we calculate the density if swiss cheese

Clarisse: I have to ask one of the experts Chris: Who are the experts? Clarisse: I don't know

Piper: Your mom is on vacation Leo: well- she's on a permanent vacation

Michael: AYO BITCH YOUR FOODS FLAMIN THE FUCK

Silena: If you're slow I'm a fucking snail

Jason: We need to hold a funeral! Percy: Here comes the bride

Beckendorf: Have you ever died? No??? Well here you go!!! Death simulator. It’s permanent!

*Annabeth and Percy sitting on a bench with drinks and a cop drives by* Percy: What if they thought we were drinking and driving Annabeth: We're not in a car

Will: I'm so smart Nico: Oh my god since when

Piper: *gives Leo a singular goldfish* Piper: Feeding the poor

Lou Ellen: Bless your soul Nico: What soul? Lou Ellen: ...good answer

Sherman: an apple a day keeps the doctor away, and anybody else if you throw it hard enough

Connor: I can see the veins in my eyes

Ellis: Whatever sinks your boat!

Cecil: You can't kill the gays if the gays kill you first

Will: dude sorry there's a knife in your grandma's face it grew wings and flew there :( Cecil: I’m sorry my knife flew out of my hand and slit that guys throat then burned it so he wouldn’t bleed

Silena: *playing Minecraft* I walked into your house and your birds started aggressively dancing at me

Lee: That's just so unfortunate for me. That is just so- oh I died

Percy: Wanna go to Toronto? Why drive just take the Earth Quake on natural disaster

Travis: The roof is just caving in on us it's fine

Michael: My arms are broken, my legs are broken, my lungs are broken, my knees are broken, I got decapitated when I was five

Connor: We're gonna die? No we're gonna beat the speedrun world record

Cecil: Hell to go down I there

Will: Mask to mask resuscitation

Travis: I may or may not have accidentally dropped a match in the building on purpose

Nico: Minecraft but I accidentally sets a school on fire

Percy: Minecraft but I die of hypothermia

Piper: Minecraft but I left my eyes at home

Jake: Minecraft but my legs are broken

Jason: Minecraft but I died

Lou Ellen: Minecraft but we're all gay

Will: If I die the game is homophobic

Cecil: Minecraft but I run my best friend over

Nico: I wanna hit a citizen with a baseball bat

Michael: Hey sir, you have Alzheimer’s. Would you like a side of bronchitis?

Silena: Why can't this be straight? Lee: Because you're not

Lou Ellen: mmmm i love my jesus fish Cecil: bro jesus fish Lou Ellen: ikr, jesus moment

[themultifandomgal]

Will- Wedding

Will and I decided we wanted a small intermit wedding with just our friends since weren't not close to my parents or his dad. So after only a 6 month engagement we decide its time to tie the knot. Ella is super excited to be my maid of honour, I'm sat finishing curling her hair

"You look pretty mom"

"So do you my baby"

"After your married does that mean I'll have a brother or a sister?"

"I hope so Ella. I really hope so. Ok your all done, go and sit with Erin" I look in the mirror at Erin who's sat behind me. Ella runs over to her and sits on Erin's lap

"My goodness your getting big. Have you been eating all of your vegetables?"

"Yup even sprouts" Ella pulls as yuk face making me chuckle. There's a knock at the door making us all turn around

"You guys decent?" I hear a voice I'm familiar with

"You shouldn't be here it's back luck" Erin shouts

"I'll close my eyes"

"It's fine let him in" Ella gets off Erin's lap and pulls Will

"Don't ruin my moms wedding please"

"I won't promise"

"What are you doing?" I ask walking over to him

"I missed you" Will bends down and kisses my forehead "I hate being apart from you and Ella"

"Well the sooner you leave the sooner you and YN can get married and go on your honeymoon. Now go"

"Ok ok" Will puts his hands in the air "I'll see you in a bit" he kisses my head again and then Ella pushes him out of the room. She walks back in shaking her head

"Men" she comments making me burst out laughing.

The time has come for me to walk down the aisle. Since my dad won't be walking me down, Ella is going to hold my hand and walk me down. The music starts playing, Erin walks down the aisle first then Ella and I. We reach Will and I give Ella my flowers

"I love you my sweet girl. I love you so so much"

"I love you too mom" I give Ella a kiss on the cheek and hand her over to Erin. Will holds his hand out and I make my way over to him

"Welcome everyone, we are gathered here today in the presence of these witnesses, to join YN YLN and William Halstead in matrimony. Into this these two persons present now come to be joined. If any person can show just cause why they may not be joined together let them speak now or forever hold their peace"

"Don't!" Ella shouts making everyone laugh. I swear she's a teenager in a 8 year olds body

"Ok I have been told the bride and groom have their own vows"

"YN. From the day I met you I know you'd be my wife. I have never and will never love someone the way I love you. You've shown me true happiness and I can never thank you enough for that. I promise I will cherish you and love you for the rest of my life. And I promise that I will always treat Ella as if she were my own"

"I remember the day we met like it was yesterday. You helped me in more way than one that day. You saved me and my daughter. You took us in, showed us your family and now we have the biggest family I could have ever imagined. I know both Ella and I are safe with you. I love you Will and I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you"

"Could we have the rings?" the priest says. Jay, Will's best man, comes forward and holds out the rings

"Ok repeat after me" he looks at Will "I William Halstead"

"I William Halstead"

"Take thee YN YLN to be my lawfully wedded wife"

"Take thee YN YLN to be my lawfully wedded wife"

"To have to hold"

"To have to hold"

"From this day forward until death do us part"

"From this day forward until death do us part"

It's then my turn to repeat the priest then finally we are at the end of the wedding

"By the power vested in me by the State of Chicago  I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may now kiss the bride" Will's lips are instantly on my mine and he dips me deepening the kiss.

[rosegoldenatlas]

welp its an hour later than usual but you know the drill

i had an. interesting day

spent too much time around my ex because i am a weakling who cannot bring up when something is making her mildly uncomfortable out of fear of making everybody hate her

but honestly me and my ex had a pretty productive conversation later where i explained that i really didnt want to be around her anymore at least for now because i still kinda hate her for how our relationship turned out even if it wasnt fully her fault and she was pretty understanding.

plus i got to see some friends so thats always fun

and i got to take a movie ive been meaning to watch off my bucketlist (it was scott pilgrim)

and i got to make turtle cookies! (they are my favorite cookies) (if i were to ever meet you irl those are the cookies i would make for you)

anyways i have a school day tomorow so sleep is probably important.

i hope you have a good night and a better day!

stay awesome

(also i learned a new word today its pistolpetaphobia which is the fear of cowboys)

Hey, were gonna use this as both my reply to yesterdays and tonights goodnight message cause I'm tired and lazy.

Im glad your day want too bad! And tell that lil gremlin that she needs to stop buying self esteem because she cannot get it off of Temu no matter what they tell her okay? She has to make it herself by slowly doing slightly more bold things all the time.

Im glad the convo with your ex went relatively well and that you got to see friends!

OOOO was the movie good? I haven't seen it yet!

TURTLE COOKIES??!!!! I shall meet you halfway across these fine lands on a mighty quest to obtain these riches! [Translation: I'll meet u in Oklahoma next summer while I'm visiting family and steal the turtle cookies from ur car while your sightseeing)

(wonder why the word was named that way)

This past two days has been very eventful, since I've had my permit I've been driving my mom everywhere, I convince her to buy me ice cream at a small locally owned shop and now I have a job there, my first shift is Wednesday (it was an accident, I dunno either), finally got my debut card from the bank and also my history teacher hates me.

Other than all a that I've had a good day, I'm sorry for not messaging often. Sleep well queenie.

[uenodivision]

ARB Birthday Special 2024: Aranai Norikoru

~~ June 21st ~~

"I'd rather be hated for who I am than be loved for who I'm not."

Login Lines:

"...Wait, what's this?! Every delivery slot is empty today? Who the hell messed with my schedule?!"

"Oh… it's 'cause it's my birthday. ...Right, I did set that up, didn't I? Kinda slipped my mind, with everything else going on. Well, that's a surprise I managed to give myself."

Voice Lines:

"22 already? Feels like just yesterday I was tearing up the f'ing streets, not a care in the whole world. Time sure has a way of sneaking up on you. It's like I've been riding at full throttle and the years are just blurs on the roadside. Sometimes, I look in the mirror and expect to see that wild kid staring back. But she's slowly changing, bit by bit."

"High school's in the rearview now, thank God. Took me almost three f'ing years, but I did it, I graduated. Shisuta's all about hitting the books again, talking 'bout college. But me? I'm not sure I'm cut out for more tests and lectures. I crave the freedom of the open road, not the stuffiness of classrooms."

"Shisuta, she's like this lighthouse in a storm. Always guiding me back when I stray too far. And Kisouna, she's tough as nails, but she's got this soft spot for her kid that gets me. Makes me wonder... what's my soft spot? What's gonna be the thing that makes me wanna stick around?"

"Looking ahead, the road's uncertain. Delivering packages, dodging the cops, spitting rhymes – it's a life. But is it the life? I've got dreams, but they're like shadows at dusk, all shifting and elusive. Maybe this year, I'll catch one, make it real."

"Hey Mom, thanks for the birthday wishes. Yeah, it's been a decent day… and hey, can you believe it? I'm finally done with high school." *Sighs* "I know that look, Shisuta. College talk, right? Just… I'm not sure yet, okay? I promise you, I'm really thinking hard about it. Let's just… not do this today, okay? ...Thanks. Really, it's nothing against you, I just... I just don't want to think about school right now."

"So, what's this? Wow, this is… really something. You made this? It's pretty badass, in a Shisuta kind of way. Thanks, Mom. It’s like carrying a piece of the Clan with me. …Yeah, I'll wear it. It's cool, and it’s from you, so it means a lot."

"Boss-Lady, what's up? …Wow. A birthday wish from you, of all people? Now that is a surprise. …Ha, if someone had told me we'd still be on the same team, I'd have probably knocked them flat. But here we are, still not having managed to kill each other… yet."

"What is this? ...A piece of paper? ...A career counseling session?! What the fuck, Boss-Lady?! …Ugh, you are such a cheap…! …You know what? Fine, I'll accept this. But just so you know, I’m already plotting your next birthday 'surprise'."

Shisuta Lines:

"A most joyous and bless-filled birthday, Aranai-chan! I hope it is going well for you. And congratulations on passing high school! It was truly a blessing to see you walk across the stage, diploma in hand! Speaking of which, now that you are done with high sch... ...I know you probably don't want to speak of it, but... it's just that..." *Sighs* "...Very well, Aranai-chan. Just promise you'll give it some serious thought, okay? I'm not trying to control your life, really. I just don't want you to have any regrets is all."

"But enough seriousness for one day! This is meant to be a day of celebration, so... I'd like you to have this! ...It's a scarf I made! My first one. I wanted to try something different from bouquets, and I know it's probably not good, but I hope you like it. ...I'm glad you like it, dear. A happy birthday to you again. And remember, I always love you, regardless."

Kisouna Lines:

"Happy birthday, Aranai." *Sighs* "...You know, if someone had told me that after all these years we'd still be teammates together, I'd have probably found some sort of excuse to arrest them. Because dealing with you is a full-time job. ...Don't tempt me, you little miscreant."

"Anyway, for you." *Sighs* "...Look on the other side, Aranai. ...Yes, it's a career-counseling session. ...Now before you go off on one of your little tangents, calm down and listen. Shisuta-san informed me you were having trouble figuring out what to do now that you're done with school, so I looked online for some people that could help. ...Good, I expect you to make use of that. It could really be of some assistance. ...Great, I'm literally jumping for joy right now. Thank you, Aranai."

[blindrapture]

TUESDAY MAY 31ST, 2011 (Tropes)

7:12 AM "Man, that really did a number on you, didn't it?" I don't want to disobey. :c "That is what I wanted, yes. Okay, I don't have much to tell you today except to remind you, marketplace, 8 PM." Hey, yeah, there's a big TVTropes meetup there. Why do you want me to go to that? ..she walked out. Guess I can go back to bed, then.

7:56 AM Donnie’s up. She said she missed me yesterday. ..and she kissed me. .w. FUCK YEAH APOCALYPSE

8:20 AM ZOMBIES IN THE KITCHEN FUCK NO APOCALYPSE

8:38 AM Fucking hate those things. They don’t ever do anything. They just stand there, moving only when I do. I’m beginning to suspect they aren’t really “zombies.”

12:52 PM More zombies got into the house. I got ‘em out.

4:44 PM OH MY GOD MORE ZOMBIES BACK BACK BACK There’s been a lot of zombies lashing out today. It’s almost like they’re choosing today, of all days, to group up. >___>

7:10 PM We’re heading out to the marketplace now, all three of us. It’s a stupid idea to leave the house unguarded, but what the fuck.

7:48 PM People are slowly pouring into the marketplace. It’s oddly devoid of all zombies.

8:06 PM Wow, a lot of people here recognize me ‘cause my TVTropes avatar is a drawing of Rael Fancyhat. ..which is my ALTER-EGO. :DDD (Inter-ego?) In the.. coat n’ hat. And scarf. And.. yeah, I’m easy to spot. I just heard, like, seven “DJays” right then. I’m getting hugged left and right. I love tropers.

8:14 PM OH MY GOD THEY HAVE FREE FOOD

8:21 PM Seems like someone’s gonna have to make a speech soon. This oughta answer a few of our questions.

8:29 PM I see Mister Speech Man Dude. I think that’s one of the moderators. I think. Shit, I’ve heard about him.

8:30 PM Speech time! “Attention. Attention, everyone. I don’t exactly have a microphone, so you’re just gonna have to be quiet, alright? Alright. Now, let’s get some facts straight: This is probably the end of the world. There are zombies in the streets. There are giant faceless torso men crawling around. There are portals to another dimension lying around. The internet has been down since Saturday. There are really dangerous creatures sharing our world. We have no idea what else is going on. There, see? Does that clear things up?” crowd’s laughing a bit “But none of that means we should give our hopes up. We’re all still alive, and we’ve made it through some pretty atrocious wars so as a species I think we’ll do just fine. The important thing to do is to gather whatever information we can find. So if we could all patiently raise our hands and, when called on, tell everyone whatever information you’ve been able to discern about this bizarre state of the world.” someone raises their hand, the mod points at them “I’ve been having bad dreams about the future, and from what I’ve gathered everyone’s been, so they’re probably important.” “Yes, good to note! Bad dreams about the future, real specific, I love it! Who’s next?” a woman over there “I have good friends in the Internet Service Providing industry, and before the internet went down last Saturday some of them were talking about their computers showing a figure made of clockwork. The internet had actually gone down before that day and they’d been able to get it back up, as apparently this clockwork virus thing can’t keep a total hold over the internet for too long, so something tells me the internet will come back. Probably go in waves.” murmuring mod “Wow, that’s some really vital information if your friends were right in what they saw! Way to go to them! Anyone else? C'mon, we’ve got all night!” uh I guess I’ll raise my hand “Yes, you there in the hat!”

Hi! I, uh. I’ve got a lot of things to say, actually; I’ve kinda been running all over the country so I’ve already encountered a fair bit of stuff. May I take some time to.. list.. stuff? “By all means.” First up, hi, I’m Jordan. Jordan Dooling. You guys know me as DJay. I’ve been kinda running all over the country, and I’ve seen plenty of shit. Can I say “shit?” Alright, shitting fuck, all that stuff. There are, uh.. there are these things called “spidercats.” I don’t know if you guys’ve seen them. Hell, they might not even be called that; I just… heh, yeah. Spidercats are exactly what they sound like. They’re cats. With eight legs. And they are bastards, seriously. Sure, they can be docile and cute just like any cat, but I warn you: If they get hostile, kill them swiftly and sharply. Try not to get ambushed. …that was shit advice, now that I think about it. I mean, you can’t exactly prepare for an ambush; it’s not an “ambush” then. I’ll move on. The big, faceless guys? I call ‘em “Big Ones,” and I find it’s a very helpful name for remembering which creature’s which. I haven’t seen any other giant creatures crawling around, and I can’t say I really want to. But yeah. Big Ones. I have no idea how to kill them. I just try to avoid them. Oh! Oh! A little tip: Big Ones love Pot Noodles. Found this out the hard way. You guys might want to write some of this stuff down. A while back, I encountered something some of you might not believe. This was an isolated event; I haven’t ran into the thing since, but still! Best to inform you. It was, um… no easier way to say this, really. A Cockroach Jesus. It was a giant cockroach. With the head of Jesus Christ. He was driving a car, no joke. He’s a little hostile. Chased me through the woods. Uh.. take notes if you see him. Or one. Might be more than one. Oh, important to note that it was specifically the head of the white western depiction and not anything historically accurate! ..moving on. In the aforementioned forest, not sure where but it’s somewhere close to Ashford, Middlesex. …SORRY NOT MIDDLESEX, I forgot it hasn’t been called “Middlesex” since 1962. SURREY. Right? Surrey? Yeah, Ashford, Surrey. Anyway! In the forest is a little town I found filled with green people. Now, uh.. trying not to sound racist here, but the green people were evil. They tried to kill me. I think. I’m.. well, my memory’s a little fuzzy as to what they actually did. I just realized I don’t have a name for them. …well, they had trees on their fingers. So “Treefingers.” Let’s call ‘em that. Kay? Kay. Question, did you have a questi… no, you were stretching. Kay. God, this is gonna take ages.

There seems to be a, um… does anyone know the towns near Ashford, Surrey? You do? Good. Um.. tell me, was “Hell” always there? It wasn’t? Yeah, well, it is now. It’s a weird town, clocks are a little broken, and your old friends show up as tarantulas, but it’s.. I mean, it’s not bad. I wouldn’t hate living there or anything. The only problem is this, uh… “Eldritch Bear.” It’s a giant bear thing that really isn’t a bear at all. It’s Eldritch. An Eldritch Abomination. I’m sure you tropers know what I mean. Just.. if you see a bear, run, okay? You probably didn’t need me to tell you that, actually. There’s also a really creepy man around there, looks a bit like the G-Man from Half-Life. Don’t know shit about him, sorry. He’s good with bears, though. Alright, let me pose a, um… scenario in your minds: Let’s say you’re— close your eyes, close your eyes, relax, you’re on a beach, you’re in the sky, you’re relaxed and in your happy place. Right. Now, you’re on the motorway and a giant truck is chasing you and trying to eat you. That’s the “Carbra.” Watch out for it. f them do have wings. Watch out. No special name; they’re just the flying zombies, really. Real flappy wings. Can’t miss ‘em. Unless you’re looking at the ground. But then, why would you be looking at the ground out in the middle of— oh, maybe there’s a spidercat eating your leg or something. God, that would be, like.. the worst day, ever. …sorry, moving on. London is fairly safe. Fairly. I’m sure some of you were wondering about that. See, the zombies there don’t hurt you. They just stand there, as do the ones around here. I have no name for these. ….but I guess I’ll make one now. Uhhhh… hrm, what’s a good name? They’re zombies… but they just stand there. They’re pretty dull. …how about “dull zombies?” Right, rolls off the tongue, sounds good. Now, up around the northern motorway, I have seen a certain crying man. Now, don’t fall for the same mistake I made, kay? Stay away from the crying man. If he runs from you, don’t follow. “But wait,” you ask. “What if it’s an actual survivor? How do I tell the difference,” you ask? Well. …I have no idea. Just, um.. call his name. Or say “HEY YOU.” If you get no response, he’s either the crying man or he can’t hear you or he’s distracted or he’s.. well, a lot of things. Fuck. Um.. just… be careful, alright?

Right. I’ll cut right to the good part: The slender man is real. Saw him when I was on Blackpool Tower the other day. Same slender man we all know and fear— slendercoat, slender body, no noticeable face. He didn’t attack me, but ohhhh god I’ve never seen him actually attack anyone in a story ohh god what’s gonna happen SORRY SORRY SORRY. Next: THE MOTHERFUCKING RAKE IS REAL. AND THERE ARE AT LEAST THREE OF THEM. Three Rakes. You know The Rake, I’m sure. Pale, hairless, dog-man, sharp claws, disturbing eyes. Yeah, there are at least three of them. Luckily, they are killable. And I have already killed two. But still, y’know? Prepare. My friend in the Americas let me know that the Grim Reaper might be real too. Wears a gas mask, apparently. Be on the lookout. What else. What else. Hoo boy. In London, right? In London, there is, uh.. how to explain him. He’s a man. In a hood. And he’s wearing a mask that’s a lot like a giant beak, covers his face. I thought he looked a lot like Ace, from RubyQuest, so I called him Ace Man. For some reason, I get the feeling he’s a lot more dangerous than when I just saw him standing there, so.. yeah. And here in Blackpool, stay away from the seaside, okay? You might run into a giant tentacle. I call it CTHULHU 2 or something, though I was told it’s nothing like Cthulhu at all, so don’t let my words distract you from reality. It controls the zombies around here. Okay, good I got that out of the way. Now, I think that should be it. Is that it? Yeah, I think that’s it. Thank you, and, uh… have a nice day.

“Thank you for that, DJay. That was pretty informative. But I think I have something you missed: The Harlequin.” The, uh.. the Harlequin? “Yes. Heard of her?” …no, I can’t say I have. <:D “Then I’ll explain. The Harlequin is an increasing threat in our attempts at survival. I’ve heard word of at least seven groups of survivors being defeated by her today. And with the more people she defeats, the stronger she grows, so something needs to be done sooner rather than later. The Harlequin, for all intents and purposes, is a living puppet. A marionette, y'know? Except she isn’t controlled by strings. She uses her strings to control us. Well, her victims. She loves to play tricks, whether just fooling us for fun or playing with her ‘food.’ It’s hard to tell who’s actually under her control, too. Her strings aren’t normally that easy to see. And if she knows enough about you, she can get your corpse to mimic you to a terrifying degree of accuracy.” Have there ever, um.. been reports of people.. following the Harlequin.. without being forced? "What, a genuine follower? No. No, nobody's been that stupid. To willingly go along? To just be some kind of... of pet? What would she have them do, probably murder. I have a word of advice to everyone here: You want to avoid the Harlequin. Kill the Puppets, put them out of their mercy. If there is someone willingly following her, kill them too! This is about survival, and protecting humanity!" ..ah. That answers my question. “Good. I’m glad it does. Now, then. Now that we’ve gotten all the serious business out of the way, let’s try living like humans again. Let’s have ourselves a party!” crowd cheeeeer

8:57 PM Oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my goddddddddddd HELP.

9:32 PM THIS IS FUCKING TORTURE, I FEEL LIKE EVERYONE’S LOOKING AT ME OH MY GODDDDDDD

9:58 PM WHYYYY DID I HAVE TO BE SUCH A FUCKING POPULAR TROPERRRR OH MY GOD STOP LOOKING AT MEEEE

10:31 PM I’m hiding in the bathroom. I just.. I need a moment. Oh my god, why am I freaking out so much, they love me, but I’m a traitor. You heard them, journal; you got it all written down. They'd hate my kind. I’m spineless. I’m a coward, a fool. A bitch. I’m a pet.

10:34 PM ….as I was walking out, I passed by a troper who I assumed was listening to his iPod. I looked again, he had no earphones nor any iPod or anything. Just wires. I’m gonna find Donnie.

10:38 PM I can’t find her. I guess I’ll.. keep looking.

10:44 PM Everyone’s looking at me. Why is everyone looking at me.

10:45 PM Someone’s stepping up to the stage. It’s the mod. He looks tired. “Attention, everyone. The time has come for the few of you who have been unconverted to step up.” ..the crowd’s pushing some people up to the stage. What the hell. …wait, am I converted already or somTALKING TALKING “We shall start with the first.” It’s a woman. ..obviously. I’ll shut up. ..wait. What’s he doing with that KNIFE WAIT asdfgh ….o_e There’s someone floating above him. Above the mod. I gotta get closer. The mod’s arms are raising. His hands are dangling as his elbows are up. The figure above him is doing the same. The figure’s moved their right hand to their throat. And.. I don’t need to tell you this but that’s his knife hand ohgod I can almost tell who the figurrjiweds Hello, Mistress. Mistress is pleased to see me here. I.. but.. fuck. Mistress says she’ll do that later; I may have been a good boy but she has other matters to attend to. That’s not what I… Mistress is making the mod talk more. She’s making him give a speech to the few remaining survivors, telling them how they shouldn’t have come, how the Mistress is so pleased they did come anyway. How their blind obedience will come in very handy. The crowd of puppets is closing in on the NONONO I’ve gotta do somethYES MISTRESS, oh god sorry sorry…I’m sorry, you guys. .__. I just.. I can’t. She can crush me like an ant. I couldn’t possibly… Oh god. Can I at least look awayYESMISTRESS ohgod I don’t wanna looooook blood blood look at that that’s death more and more tropers taken to the public spectacle I oh god please no that’s Donnie please. .___. Mistress sees I am passionate for this pathetic girl. Mistress decides she’ll show a little mercy, at least because it’s for her pet. But Mistress reminds me that her mercy comes at a price, a price that Mistress can and will claim when she so pleases. Yes, ma’am. >___< Mistress is ordering me to take Donnie and go to bed now. Mistress will see me in the morning. …her giggles. Not so comforting.

11:00 PM Donnie and I walked home slowly. Donnie stopped by a bin to vomit at one point. We didn’t speak to each other. She knows I’m a pet now.

(Attached: "What is this about? Tropes transcend television. They reflect life. We’re about celebrating fiction, not showing off how snide and sarcastic we can be. What is this about? What is this about? What is this about? What is this about?”) (Attached, flipped to other side: “Cyetbwla ewbtwnx eu tam ohytv, Sbjyw if lbnw lv usnz hcfaz Agl hkvdadfr gx spta bzx vxhoshogeay mw kxl ezo J.. kyeh, dhh Q jxhtdy ba. Naa Yemcjg vn Jafz Ztjjyail, tz Q'v cbzfxz pt. Lwex vn qov aur dhvx lgnibwd ns Uvybsxl ex vn ealwhz if lbnw nw Ag I esxbyhtx xska wx Rbdnnnl th ggn Icl umhcfwaeeg lapa as ocn yky yhc. Lapa as gcl xrlrrwfx. Apas jg zhn te. ...Vhvk htvsnh oed qgea fiwir: Vrhtagqpeaofi tbv VXN...”)

[PREV LOG] [TABLE OF CONTENTS] [NEXT LOG]

[vtoriacore-rbs]

tw. ed + whatever the fuck is wrong w me in general. id actually advise against reading this but this helps get things off my chest.

me slipping back into old ed habits bc my intrusive thoughts actually ended up triggering me 💀💀💀 i went on a 2 day fast and only had mineral water and i feel both proud and horrified that ive allowed myself to do that so now im eating healthy things to kinda make up for it but anyways i weighed myself too even tho i said i wouldn't. like i know i shouldn't feel happy over the fact i starved and weakened my body on purpose but it feels nice to stick to something and actually have some discipline back in my life.

had a breakdown too earlier for no reason (altho im on my period so maybe that's why, fuck you uterus btw there is no us only u someone remove this thing PLEASE). like bro some bitch in college also was telling me how she was losing weight and she deadass told me that my ribcage sticking out was so aesthetic and it just enabled me, we only spoke 3 times before that and im pretty sure she has an ed too bc she kept trying to get my measurements??? she also said she'd sacrifice two of her ribs to get a waist like mine and i know she meant it as a compliment but i wanted to cry and felt low-key ashamed like i hate when people point out my physical appearance and i was stretching i didn't even mean for my shirt to go higher up it was so uncomfy. it's weird tho cause when i starve myself i feel happy abt it but when other people point it out and praise me for it i get really mad. maybe it's bc i discourage eds and im very pro-recovery but anyways that was a weird comment™ i think it played into the breakdown. she tried grabbing my wrist several times and i told her to stop trying to touch me but she wouldn't stop either and was like "just for a second please" like i felt so icky bc of that too like bitch hands off before i retaliate <3 so yeah now im trying to eat again but honestly i feel like im gonna throw up bc i didn't eat for 2 days lmao and the entire day today i felt so dizzy. like yesterday was fine but today ?? no. my muscles hurt so bad so im gonna have a 50g protein shake too ugh im so tired. gonna try get up to 1000 kcal at least and make the deficit up over the weekend bc my stomach physically hurts when i try to eat (but this strawberry yogurt bangs even tho im half full already).

ive been slipping back into an ed mindset over the last month tho even with my binges and i just wanna look ill enough for one of my doctors finally tell me im underweight enough they didn't even acknowledge i was severely underweight 3-4 years ago that felt so humiliating and now im thinking along the lines of "i need to be a better anorexic" even tho its fucked up and like im trying to just snap myself out of this mindset but it's not working so im gonna have to get a therapist potentially. bc i don't want my organs and bones failing but at the same time, i wanna make sure doctors take me seriously this time and maybe it'll be a fucking reminder to take eds seriously. it actually pisses me off hos insensitive some doctors are about eds and the fact they indirectly fucking allow it sometimes too like. just bc im not in a critical condition and only like 3/4kgs underweight doesn't mean i don't have an ed or that it isn't "severe enough" smh this annoys me so much.

if you read it up to here don't worry ill be fine, a bitch always pulls thru and these are just momentary lapses in judgement im not letting mental illness win im too fucking good for this (<- motivating myself kinda feel better after writing this NGL).

[motownfiction]

DNA

Sometimes, Sadie has tried to deny that she and Charlie have the same DNA.

It was easy with Sam. Sam was her twin. They shared a womb. They were in all the same classes as children. They had the same birthday. They weren’t the same person, but they took up a lot of the same spaces. And that felt fair. Fine. Good.

Charlie, on the other hand, always felt like an interloper. Sadie knows that’s awful. He’s her brother. Same mother, same father, same brother. And she loves him. Even when she hates him, it’s only because she loves him. But for years, he’s been a stranger – in part, thanks to his own making, but in part because Sadie doesn’t know what to do with him. How can you make room for a man who causes a scene at most of your family gatherings, just so people don’t forget he’s there? How can you make room for someone who doesn’t know basic facts about his own nephews and niece? How can you make room for someone who never much cared for you?

At least, that’s what Sadie has always assumed. That Charlie doesn’t care for her. That he never really did. She knows he always loved Sam, always valued Sam, always trusted Sam. She and Sam might have been twins, but Charlie and Sam were brothers. That must have meant something that Sadie could never tap into. So, she never really tried. And she never really got rid of the guilt that some of this – Charlie’s grief, anger, infidelity – must have been her fault. She tries with everyone else in the world. Why couldn’t she just try with him?

Daniel swears up and down that she did try. That they both did. Sadie’s pretty sure he just says that stuff to make her feel better. When Charlie walked away from the accident that killed Sam, Sadie wasn’t the one hugging him in the hospital or the funeral home, telling Charlie it wasn’t his fault. That was Daniel. Daniel doesn’t judge people. He just feels with them. Sadie remembers how she just sat there, waiting for each day to be over. But what was the point? All the days thereafter were going to be the same. It’s been over twenty years, and they’re still not really that different.

She thinks she owes it to both Charlie and herself to meet him for lunch today. He’s in town. He met with Daniel yesterday, and when Daniel came home in good spirits, Sadie figured it was probably OK to take him up on his invitation. He didn’t want to meet Sadie and Daniel at the same time, as it happens. He said he wanted to speak to his sister on his own. That it made more sense that way. Sadie won’t lie – she’s a little bit heartened by that.

She picks up her purse and makes her way toward the front door – toward the car that she’ll take to meet Charlie, just Charlie, for the first time in … hell, maybe she’s never had lunch alone with Charlie before. Daniel’s there with her, making sure she leaves.

“And you said he has what to talk about?” she asks.

“He’s in a relationship, so be prepared for that,” Daniel says. “And he’s got some answers from a psychologist. He’s doing great.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes. I wouldn’t send you to the wolves. Unless they were cute wolves. Defanged. Is that anything? I don’t really know.”

Sadie smiles. She kisses Daniel’s cheek and slings her purse over her shoulder.

“I’ll find out,” she says. “Wish me luck.”

“You won’t need it.”

As Sadie steps onto the front porch and into the driveway, she’s pretty sure Daniel’s right. She doesn’t need luck. This afternoon is going to be different. She feels it down to her DNA.

Charlie’s, too.

(part of @nosebleedclub march challenge -- day 25!)

[regular-lord-reckoner]

well, what a week this has been !!

our downstairs ac unit and our water heater decided to tear up at the exact same time !!

so, i spent a good chunk of yesterday just cleaning out the space to get the water heater so my mom wouldn't have to do any of it later

that was one good thing about it being 59 degrees down there! the upstairs one still works just fine but like....hot air rises so i even double checked, but yeah, 70 degrees with the fan on and it didn't do a damn thing for the downstairs so

anyway

i got it all cleared out and a plumber is supposed to be on his way now. he had some emergency cases come up but said he still wanted to come check it out.

my dad had told my mom that the water heater was going to go soon, so we kinda figured. i have taken two...very cold showers this week but it's all good. made the pink stay in my hair longer so there's that

had therapy after that but it was a good session so that was nice. she said i was doing better than i was a year ago and i guess i can see that. even a little bit of progress is still progress and even if i'm the only one that sees it

mostly what i've been dealing with is just...exhaustion. with all this wacky thermostat shit there have been so many nights the aux heat has kicked on downstairs and made it insufferable upstairs so i wake up at like 4 am and just can't get back to sleep

i've been working 50 hour weeks pretty much nonstop for months now but i'm trying to at least not get so stressed during the work day, especially when doing chores eats up all my time like it did yesterday

i ended up having to do all the work i was supposed to do yesterday today which ended up taking all day but i just took my time for the most part and tried not to get too overwhelmed for no good reason

good news, though!! i got it all done. i've been trying to help out my mom more since this whole neck/arm situation started a few weeks ago. i hate that she's been in pain for so long and we still don't really have any concrete answers.

her pcp just wanted to talk about other shit besides this injury but she did at least order an mri which i'm going with her to get done tomorrow so hopefully that'll give us some answers or at least figure out what to do next.

she's been able to get some relief but not entirely and it's also been causing her to lose sleep so we're a pretty sad bunch by the end of every week the pair of us but we're pulling through !!

in the mean time, someone did come out earlier about the ac and i think it ended up being something about the compressor? they'll have to order a part so it'll be sometime next week but i think the weather is supposed to get warmer then so if it takes a minute i think we'll be okay because i can then at least run the cool air upstairs and it should be fine downstairs

mom's keeping warm by the fireplace and has a heated blanket as well and she said at night she can run a little heater in her room and it works just fine so we'll be okay with that and i can take more cold showers if need be especially if it does heat up that's no problem

wild how the other day it started out 70 damn degrees and humid as shit and then it rained and dropped down to 40 degrees immediately

can't wait to see what kinda interesting spring weather we're about to have. also can't believe it's already march holy shit

the way i'm perceiving time these days is just completely and utterly fucked so that seems especially unreal to me

alright, i think i've rambled enough for now and i've typed a lot today so i'm going to give my fingers a rest (lol) and just scroll for a while, turn this old brain off as best as i can even though it never goes off completely

hope it's a good weekend for you if you're reading this, even if you have to work or have some other bullshit you don't want to do. try to get some rest somewhere in there and so will i <3

ps: plumber just got here !!

[violetwinterwidow01]

MEMORY LANE (AU)

A/N: I meant to post this Jan. 1st, 2024, but never got around to it!!!

Feel free to reblog!!!

ENJOY

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

It's Cevyn and Bucky's 4th wedding anniversary, and their 9th best friend anniversary. But since Buck is on a mission, Cev has nothing better to do than go down memory lane from when they first go together.

Quick timeline:

Besties: Dec. 31st, 2014

Dated: Dec. 31st, 2016

Married: Dec. 31st, 2020

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

Cevyn walks into the common living room finding Natasha, Yelena, and Clint.

Cevyn: hey guys

C/Y/N: hey! Happy anniversary!!!

Cevyn: Thank you, lovelies!!!

She joins them on the couch as they indulge in some action movie.

Yelena: We know it was yesterday and Bucky couldn't be here.

Cevyn: it's fine, I told him I'd figure out what I wanted by the time he got back today.

They hum.

Out of nowhere, She decides to ask a question.

Cevyn: ...Ya'll remember when i was such a whore back in 2021?

Yelena: SUCH A WHORE!!!

Natasha: ABSOLUTELY, HOW THE HELL COULD WE FORGET!?!?

Yelena: WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED?!?!

The girls talk over each other making Cevyn laugh, while Clint violently chokes and spits out his beer. Cevyn and Natasha tap him on his back.

Cevyn: Yo, you good?

Clint: *cough, cough* No, no!!! *cough* Im not good!! I- I dont think i should be listening to this!!!

Natasha and Yelena laugh. He tries to get off the couch but nat pulls him back down and crosses her legs over top of his motioning Cevyn to do the same to keep him there. She lays her head in Yelena's lap.

Natasha: Sit down, she was a menace last year. youll wanna hear this!

He gives up. Sounds like good tea any damn way. (We all know Clint is one of the girls!!!)

Yelena: Cevy, what happened?

Cevyn: well after my 2 year relationship failed, i decided to have some... fun. Safe fun.

Natasha: Yeah, a WHOLE year worth of 'fun'.

Clint: that asswhole cheated on you didnt he?

Cevyn: yup

Clint sighs.

Clint: Why didnt you call me?

Cevyn: Cause i handled it... no ones gonna miss him.

C/Y/N: WHAT!?!?

She laughs.

Cevyn: im kidding!... maybe.

Clint looks at nat.

Clint: And what do you mean by a whole year?

Nat sighs and rubs her temples at the very fond memories of the year before.

Natasha: a different guy. Each day. 365 days in a year. You do the math.

Clint: CYNTHIA ELINA VALYN YAZMINE NOELLE STRYKER!!!

Cevyn side-eyes him at the use of her government name.

Clint: what the hell?!?! Didnt you have missions???

She smirks as Yelena burst out laughing.

Clint: my god

Cevyn: yup, i called upon him a couple of times. It was also more ladies than guys.

Yelena calms down from damn near dying.

Yelena: WHAT?!?! ARE YOU SAYING I COULDVE BEEN ONE OF THEM?!?!

Cevyn: im sorry baby, and it was only 364. I didnt have anybody on new years eve.

Yelena mumbles.

Yelena: could've had me...

Cevyn sits up and kisses her cheeks.

Cevyn: Maybe next time, boo. But Doesnt mean i didnt do anything though.

Yelena: whatd you do?

Cevyn: Well...

Flashback: Tony's Avengers ONLY New years eve pajama party 2021

Cevyn's PJs

(For once Tony didn't want a hell of a lot of people around.)

The party was BANGIN'!!! It was getting close to midnight, There was tons of liquor, everybody was dancing, Cevyn got so drunk she gave a full on lipsync concert. After that, she walked into the kitchen to grab some water.

When she walked in she saw her best friend Bucky and the one shady bitch she could never stand: Sharon. It seriously bothered her that bucky would choose that thing to date out of any woman in the world, which she reminded Buck daily about.

Theres a reason why Cevyn hates Sharon. Before Cevyn's last relationship, she caught the bitch sucking him off. After that, Sharon tried to act as if nothing ever happened. (Tryna be her friend and shit, bitch you know what the fuck you did!)

Finally, when she gave up and started dating Buck, Cev plotted her revenge. If bitches feel that they can take and play the delusional card, two can play that game. She walks over, purposely bumping Sharon out of the way to stand on her tiptoes wrapping her arms around his neck and planting a loving kiss on Bucky's cheek.

Bucky: Hi Cevy.

Cevyn: Hi Bucket.

Sharon scoffs as he wraps his arms around her voluptuous body, damn near feeling her up. He returns the kiss close to the corner of her mouth, a sight Sharon doesn't miss.

She shoves Cev out of the way. Cevyn was about to swipe Sharon across her face but Bucky caught her wrist and turned her around slowly.

As she opens the fridge she mumbles about how she was gonna snatch this hoe up by the hair on the nape of her neck and slang her on the floor resulting in dog walking her like the bitch she is.

Bucky: Sharon, the hell did you do that for?

Sharon: Oh, when she does it theres no problem, but when i do it there is?

Bucky scoffs, making Cev turn around snickering.

Bucky: Oh god, im not doing this with you.

Sharon walks away damn near on the brink of tears, which no one cares about. Bucky lets her go, reaching to grab a cupcake from the cake tower. As he grabs it, frosting gets on his metal thumb. Before he can grab a napkin, Cevyn takes his hand.

Cevyn: Dont worry, baby. Ill lick it up

Bucky: Its okay- oh shit!

Hes cut off as she latches her soft, plump lips around the tip of his thumb, gently sucking the tip. She pulls back with a pop that echos throughout the kitchen, even though the music is pretty loud.

Cevyn: What was that?

Bucky stumbles over his words trying to get out of the trance shes put him in.

Bucky: I-I- I dont-

Keeping eye contact, she kitten licks his thumb. She plays confused while smirking.

Cevyn: You dont what, baby? Whats wrong?

He continues to stammer and look between her eyes and her tongue rounding circles on his thumb, placing it back in her mouth.

Bucky: I dont know w-whats happening... but- but i like it.

She smiles. She moves to kiss his lips mumbling against them.

Cevyn: Mm-hm *kiss* I know you do *kiss* Keep your eyes on mommy, ok?

He nods absentmindedly slipping into a place he's never been before: ✨️SUBMISSION✨️ With his thumb back in its rightful spot, and continuous eye contact, she gets on her knees, holding his wrist, sucking faster. She unzips her onsie letting her tits spill out.

She places his right hand on her boob for him to squish. She moves her hand feeling him grow in his sweatpants. She moves off of his thumb to pull his sweats and boxers down to reveal his dick. Before he can say anything, shes fast like lightning, sucking his tip greedily then deepthroats him causing his knees to weaken and a string of 'holy fucks' to leave his mouth, catching him off guard. She giggles and moans sending vibrations around his shaft.

5 minutes go by and Sharon walks back in. She hears moans so she tries to be silent. She gets around the island and sees Cevyn on her knees with her eyes rolled back as Bucky fucks her throat. Cevyn looks over to see her standing with her jaw dropped. She sends her a menacing wink, smirking with her mouth full, cum dribbling down the side of her mouth.

She pulls away from Bucky swallowing every drop. She pulls up his sweats, using his thumb to swipe up his sweet sticky leftovers just to suck it off, and stands up to fix her clothes, but Bucky stops her picking her up to sit her on the island, and latches on to her nipple, making her laugh. She rubs her hands through his hair still eyeing up Sharon.

Cevyn: Enjoying the show?

Bucky turns his head, not so concerned about the situation at hand. Hes had a thing for Cev for a long time. But he made the mistake of dating Sharon to take his mind off of her. He smiles at her, picks up Cevyn wrapping her legs around his waist, walking out of the kitchen.

Cevyn: Paybacks a bitch, aint it?

Bucky: We're done Sharon.

Cevyn laughs. Bucky gets in the elevator.

Cevyn: where we going?

Bucky: To our floor. Where im gonna fuck you SENSELESS and make you cum so hard while we count down. Is that alright with you mama?

She smirks.

Cevyn: Yes, daddy.

End of flashback

As Nat and Yelena clapped and cheered, Clint sat puzzled.

Clint: didnt you ruin a relationship?

The girls laugh.

Cevyn: More like rescued Bucky because that shit show was doomed from the beginning. He's mine now, and I don't plan on letting him go anywhere.

Buck sneaks up behind. He gently pulls her head back, planting multiple kisses on her lips putting a smile on her face.

Cevyn: Hi baby.

Bucky: Hi mama. Happy anniversary.

Cevyn: happy anniversary. Oh, speaking of...

She gets up, rounding the couch.

Cevyn: I know what I wanna do now.

Bucky: Whats that?

She whispers in his ear.

Cevyn: Mind-blowing, life-altering, earth-shattering sex.

Without a second thought, he taps her thighs, signaling her to jump up.

Bucky: SOLD!!!

He runs them out of the room.

C/Y/N: BYE GUYS!

C/B: BYE!

Cevyn: IF YOU HEAR SCREAMING, ITS NOT ME!!!!

FIN.

[deadbeatbunni]

A vent, sorry

Today has been hard. I fasted for abt 3 days and then yesterday i had 280 cals, i was planning on abt 400 cals today but i 'binged' and had abt 1000 in total, and i only calling it a binge bc of the way i felt out of control when i was eating. I forget that extreme restriction makes you do this. I ate what would be a small meal for a normal person but my stomach had obviously shrunk and i felt full and sick. However it still just sparked that urge to keep eating, like my body was scared I'd never eat again (considering it tbf lol) I tried to purge but nothing came up bc of the specific foods I ate. I have felt sick for hrs and yet all i can think about is eating a whole pizza!?! Like it would be so hot and salty and cheesy and tasty. But i wont do it. I need to lose 3 lbs in the next week to be at my goal weight for this month and im sure I'll do it. Ive never been this terrified of gaining weight and ive had this disorder for years. i was fine eating this much and a bit more for 3 days in a row last week and somehow today feels like the end of the world

I fucking hate anorexia

Its not fucking fun, i am so ill physically and mentally

And I'm so ill that even though i just went through what caused this, I'm gonna fast tmr to fix the fact that i ate so much today. Because im stupid i guess? Maybe i shouldnt say that, ik its bc of the mental illness. Oh well, i told my boss im sick (not a lie tho) and i have tmr off

Probs gonna cut to get some closure for myself, and I'll try to keep reminding myself that it was OK to eat that food. If dr chris saw my cal intake for today he would tell me off and say its less than a toddler. This is good for my metabolism. I dont wanna go into plateau or that survival mode where some ppl start to gain from fasts. I even had healthy food like protein and fibre rich foods, and fresh veg, and lots of vitamins. I should try to be kind to myself like how I talk to others in this community

Tomorrow is a new day.

[aeoki]

Ghostic: Exorcism - Chapter 3

Location: Medical Office Characters: Touri, Yuzuru, Keito, Eichi, Wataru & Tatsumi

TL Note:

Grab a log: This is a line from the manga “Higanjima” (Island of Paramita) where logs are deemed to be an all-purpose weapon.

Yuzuru: *Zzz…*

Hm…?

(...I’ve fallen asleep before I realised. My head feels clouded… It appears I must have been in quite a deep sleep.)

(I have a lesson late into the night today, so I can rest for a bit longer here.)

(But I can’t seem to calm down seeing as there is nothing for me to do. Since I’m here, I can find some work to do at the very least. I should order a new glass after the Young Master broke it yesterday.)

(The smartphone truly is such a convenient item in such times. I can even purchase everyday cutlery on the internet.)

(This helps a great deal as it allows me to complete miscellaneous matters so easily. Perhaps I have a chronic disease where I do not have the time to steer away from my work…♪)

(Order complete. It might be a good idea to search for the Young Master’s new phone while I’m at it.)

(There has been quite a number of dangerous happenings in the world recently. I suppose I do wish to attach a transmitter to the Young Master’s phone in order to protect him…)

(No. That may be too overprotective. It seems I’m still quite guarded after the strange incident last night.)

(I’ve told myself over and over that psychic phenomena are all psychological.)

(But doing nothing will only cause me to succumb to my paranoia. I feel very uneasy when I think about how the Young Master might be in danger.)

(I shall return to practice and shake off these wicked thoughts. They should all be understanding if I told them, “I have recovered after a small nap”.)

Location: ES Halloween Stage (fine)

Touri: GYAAAAH!

Eeeeeeeeeeek!

S-Save me! I’m so scared!

What’s up with all these things~? There are shadows, mysterious handprints, distressing music and props!

It feels like anxiety and despair are taking turns to close in on me as if they’re sneering at me!

A genius entertainer? Yeah, right!

I bet that Long-hair’s gleefully doing all the things I hate. I feel like my emotions have gone on a rollercoaster~! 

Keito: Calm down, Himemiya. Hearing you scream so close to me hurts my ears and I can’t stand it.

If you clear your mind of all worldly thoughts, even fire will feel cool. Don’t be so agitated, keep calm and–

Touri: Now’s not the time to be saying that! Scary things are scary!

K-Kazehaya-senpai! Hold my hand, okay!? Don’t you dare let go next time!

Tatsumi: Of course. I shall not make the same mistake again.

Oh? The light is reflecting off that spot over there. It looks as though a white sheet is being hung over something but… could that be the exit?

Touri: The exit? Yay! Let’s get outta here ♪

Keito: Wait. Look closely at that white cloth… isn’t it moving?

Touri: Which means–

A GHOOOOOOST!?

Eichi: Yup. Touri is reacting exactly as I hoped he would.

It looks like the ghost Wataru set up is indeed working as intended. It seems the “ES Haunted House” will be quite promising.

Wataru: The lighting may be under construction so it seems a torch is enough to guide the way through the path.

They will be able to enjoy it perfectly if the lights are constructed before the big day.

An Amazing haunted house presented by us “fine”. I’m looking forward to the actual opening ♪

Eichi: It’s a huge attraction we spent all our efforts on, after all. If anything, we’d only be upset if people don’t enjoy it.

Now, all that’s left is the saloon, in order words, this room. It’ll only spoil the fun if we show ourselves, so let’s hide in a different room in the meantime.

A poltergeist phenomenon awaits them everywhere in this saloon.

Then, the ghosts of the mansion’s residents will float from their paintings and beckon those who pass through the haunted house to come to the other side…

It’s our final big trick: making them feel as though they have succumbed to the domination of the ghosts. I’m sure even this will surprise Keito and Kazehaya-kun.

Wataru: Fufufu, I’d love to see them struck with terror! I wonder how they’ll react to it…♪

Eichi: Yeah, I’m sure Keito will–

Hm?

Wataru: A phone call? Perhaps it’s one of the construction workers?

Eichi: No, it’s from an unknown caller. I wonder who it could be at a time like this? I’ll answer it.

………

It seems it’s a silent phone call. Maybe it’s someone’s prank. There are only a handful of people who have my number, though.

Wataru: Which means someone called your number by mistake? It’s possible they panicked and hung up the moment they heard your voice.

Eichi: Fufu. Maybe a revengeful spirit had enough of the “ES Haunted House” and decided to show itself.

Wataru: Surely not…!

If that is to be true, that would be terrifying! Perhaps our souls have already been taken from us in this mansion…!

Have you already secured the escape route, Eichi? Let us immediately grab a log of wood[*] each and meet up with everyone else!

Eichi: Ahaha. You’re overreacting. There’s no way I would have something like that ♪

Everyone seeks the answers to everything, despite the fact that there are a number of unexplainable things in this world.

I’m sure any kind of phenomenon has a reason behind it. We simply don’t know the cause.

And I think psychic phenomena are the best example of that.

Wataru: Oh, I thought you would join me in my little act. What a shame. 

However, I can see that you’re enjoying this enigma. Things such as our dreams and imaginations can save people who are distressed in reality, after all.

Let’s make the “ES Haunted House” a success, Eichi.

Eichi: Fufu. Why are you saying all this now?

You are I – we are accomplices who bear the sin of terrifying others, aren’t we?

Together, let us watch over Touri and the others as they reach their goal, Wataru ♪

Wataru: Yes. Let’s enjoy ourselves until the very end. Enigmas shall remain enigmas.

← Previous Chapter ᠂ ⚘ ˚⊹˚ ⚘ ᠂  Next Chapter →

[survey--s]

393.

Are you filled with joy today? I mean, I wouldn’t say joy, but I am happy that it’s the weekend.

Has it been a rough week? Not especially. Work has been good, but Mike is still out of work, plus his car failed it’s MOT so he’s now stressed and that has an impact on us too. Hopefully once his car his fixed and he’s getting work again, it’ll be a bit easier and not as stressful.

If given the opportunity, would you like to star in a musical? I LOVE the idea of it but I think I’d hate to be at the centre of attention.

What letter does your mum’s middle name start with? A.

Name one person you’d take a bullet for: I honestly can’t answer this because I have no idea how I’d react in a given situation - nobody does.

Any posters of a band on your bedroom wall? Nope.

Did you trip over anything today? Yeah - the cat and my own two feet, lol.

Do you think you’ve already met your soulmate? I don’t believe in soulmates.

Did you drink coffee this morning? Yeah, I always start my day with a coffee. I currently have a cup of tea on the go, though, which is unusual for me.

Do you share your bedroom with anyone? Yeah, my husband and the dog. The cats sleep up there in the day too but we kick them out overnight.

Last time you painted a picture? Years ago - as in, decades lol.

Is your favorite color yellow? No.

Were you born in a hospital? I was indeed.

Do you know the name of the person that delivered you? It’s written in my baby book but I don’t know off the top of my head.

Was your birth recorded? I mean, yeah.

Does your family cause you more irritation than your friends do? No, sometimes I’m just irritable. I think it’s more about me than them tbh.

Do you get the feeling something good will happen in your life soon? I mean, who can tell? My life isn’t exactly bad, though.

Did you eat a peach this week? No.

Do you have a relative that’s incarcerated? No.

What’s your crush’s/boyfriend/husband’s name? Michael.

And their occupation? He’s a plasterer/tiler.

Do you think it’d be cool to have your body mummified after you die? No, I’d rather have my ashes turned into a diamond or something.

Do you ever drink warm milk? Very, very rarely when I can’t sleep. Warm milk and honey reminds me SO MUCH of being a little kid.

Are you leaving the house tomorrow? Yeah, I have work and a riding lesson.

Are your teeth naturally straight? At the top, but my bottom teeth are a little bit crooked. Not enough to bother with braces or anything like that, though.

Is your life more of a fairy tale or daily nightmare? I would say it’s a just a normal, average life lol. Some parts are amazing, others are a struggle, but it’s not really one extreme or the other.

Do you enjoy romantic movies, even when they’re cliche? Yeah, sometimes I love a feel-good film but I have to be in the right mood.

Is it above 50°F outside right now? I have no idea, it’s about 9-10 degrees C.

Would you or do you allow your children to watch television? I mean, why wouldn’t you?

Are you feeling miserable? Nope, I’m pretty good - hungry though lol. Not helped by the fact that I’m cooking pasta bake ad it smells amazing.

Would you rather watch a movie or listen to music? As a solo activity, watch a movie. Music is fine but as background noise.

Did you drink any tea yesterday? Yeah, I’ve been really getting back into tea as a drink lately.

Ever been to Rhode Island? No.

Ever been called stupid & believed it? I’m sure I have at some point.

Can you tell the difference between a Scottish & an Irish accent? Yeah, they’re very different lol.

Can you read music? Yeah, I did loads of music lessons in school.

Do you work the night shift? No. I’ve done early mornings from 5am before though. I suppose I do sleep over at people’s homes for work but I don’t know if that counts.

If you could get free vocal lessons would you take them? Yes.

Did you go to the beach this year? Sure, I live two minutes from the beach lol. I’m there pretty much daily.

Have you been to McDonald’s in the past month? No.

Longest friendship; how long & with whom? Linnet and Jimmi - we’ve all known each other since we were two.

Did you listen to the radio today? No.

Are you excited for this weekend? It IS the weekend. I’m excited in that I’m not working which is nice, but it’s freezing outside and the weather is horrible.

Have you ever slept over at your best friend’s house? Sure.

Are you visiting anyone special this holiday season? I normally spend a day or two with my parents and we see my in-laws at some point as well.

Is your mother diabetic? No. Both my in-laws are, though.

Are you? No.

Is it possible to count to infinity? Well, no.

Would you like to learn how to make ceramic pottery? Not really. I don’t really like activities that make my hands dirty.

Ever sang someone to sleep? No.

[snowmuttgetsweird]

8/9/24, morning

Roommate comes home today I'm so relieeeeeved

It's boring and lonely without him. Just feels like a massive bleak void in my life when he's not here. I'm bored he's not here, I'm lonely, I'm anxious I can't see him, and I get stir-crazy and lost and don't really know how to conduct myself. I would just be standing around thinking about what I should do and then end up doing push-ups or something just to work out some nervous energy.

In the meantime I picked up a handful of groceries yesterday to make sure I can make a nice brunch for him when he arrives, including a couple 5lb bags of rice. I washed out an empty 30lb bucket of cat litter cause it already has a lid and a handle and it seems to work just fine as a rice bucket- not for food storage but as a workout device.

Gave it a shot- get very much covered in rice starch, and the workout is definitely exhausting. Theoretically, it helps strengthen all the micro muscles in your forearms to help protect you from carpal tunnel, tennis elbow, etc; really good for keyboard warriors, artists, heavy lifters- pretty much anyone that uses their hands and fingers for a lot of strenuous or continuous activity. If nothing else, it sure does a hell of a job exfoliating my hands lol. Maybe this will finally fix my fucked up cuticles. Prolly gonna start wearing a mask while using the bucket though- I dunno how much dust it kicks up but I'd hate to develop a rice allergy this way.

Pretty disappointed I couldn't pick up that Gallantmon stuff the other day, but really I should have tempered my expectations more. I'm not as hung up on it now- I'll get it eventually, I just hate waiting for it to happen.

Dunno if I mentioned already, but I started taking metamucil too. I'm not a big milk drinker, but overnight oats and protein shakes and cottage cheese have me consuming a lot more dairy than I usually do, and diets with a lot of meat and dairy tend to cause GI issues, so I figured the extra fiber would probably be a good idea while on a high protein diet. The first few days suck- not particularly painful or uncomfortable, but really gassy, which is just kinda embarrassing and annoying to deal with. It passes after the first three or four days though, and I DO notice that I seem to have more consistent BMs, feel less bloated, less gassy, and a bit lighter. My appetite means I'm trying to pack as much protein into as little actual food as possible too given how hard it is to eat as much as I'm expected to, so I'm actually overeating a lot less, which also probably helps.

That said, I haven't been particularly strict on myself about food- more for philosophical reasons than anything. The goal is just to get the protein I need, and nothing else really matters atm. There's no point in eating anything I don't enjoy, and any goal that's completely miserable to achieve is phyrric. As long as I'm getting my protein and I'm lifting to the end of my sets every time while steadily increasing the weight I lift, I WILL build muscle, and those muscles will burn more calories, which will result in weight loss. As long as I stay on top of it at least 3 times a week (ideally more, but 3 is my bare minimum atm) and don't eat a GROSS excess of calories, all I need otherwise is trust, time, discipline, and patience- all things my ADHD-addled brain struggles with, lol.

I haven't been to the gym the last three days. Skipped one day cause I got home especially late and I was wiped, skipped the next cause I was depressed, skipped last night cause a bit of time-blindness had me going out to the grocery store pretty late at night, etc, so this week has been pretty bad for gym-going, but I'm gonna get back on it. Maybe not tonight cause I close at work and my roommate is finally back home- which does mean I'll be cooking dinner for both of us when I get back- but tomorrow I'm getting back into it with a vengeance.

Wish me luck.