#to untangle all that mess
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on one hand i need to reread pandora hearts
on the other hand i am sooooooooooooooooo mentally unwell and PH is NOT good for my brain when i'm unwell
#it helped me realize a lot of trauma i was refusing to see but now in my brain the trauma and ph are linked and it's gonna take a bit#to untangle all that mess#so like. hmm.
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God knows I love Jumin's route and I think that is peak writing but, that man deserves a good ole slowburn, I'm talking about the type of crown fire you need to make pancakes 🥞
#in short: Cheritz give us a Jumin the ssum route that last 7 years at LEAST#the man needs time to untangle all that mess his parents gave him#mystic messenger#jumin han#mysme
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you know that pic with the guy who looks crazy and in the bg there's a bunch of red strings connecting papers on a board together? you rn
I mean it really does feel like it anon
#highly doubt what i come up with will be the actual resolution to all this but i'm having fun theorizing!#back to the roots in a way hell yeah!!#also you should see my dms with one of my mutuals. total chaos as i try to untangle this mess#anyway thank you for the ask anon!!#let's see if i can make sense of any of this lol#ask tag#mel's descend into madness
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About the whole ADHD "finding a way to motivate yourself without using the stress of impending deadlines" thing:
I hate to say it, but learning to be nicer to myself changed a lot of that for me. I really truly hate to say it. I'm sorry to be the bearer of bad news but you gotta find a way to be nicer to yourself inside your own head, in whatever way works for you. I know it sucks so bad to hear.
The other thing is, if my brain is really refusing to tackle a task, often times the main thing I'm feeling is confused and understimulated. Which leads to me sitting there with the jeopardy theme song playing in my head, and then I unconsciously gravitate towards something that's more stimulating and therefore easier to wrap my head around. So overstimulating myself in some sensory way helps me be less confused about what I needed to do. Everybody's brain is different, though.
And uhh the other thing that helped is concerta, and listening to my body, and working on not being so ashamed when I failed. Which means you will probably have to fail a little bit unfortunately
#im so so so sorry#it sucks so bad because so much of what i found that works sounds so much like the trite advice we always get#you have to do it while being nice to yourself. if you try it while still motivating yourself through shame it won't workkkkkk#and the path to chipping away at all that learned shame is really individual and difficult#but the shame and stress are buddies that go hand in hand. they come from the same place#i had to make myself physically incapable of tolerating stress before i realized that it just doesn't matter#like you have responsibilities to your neighbors and loved ones and some of them are time sensitive. but HOW you complete them doesnt matte#and you just will mess up. there is nothing you can do about that. you have a disability. ADHD is a disability#''but if i mess up I'll face severe consequences. that's why i motivate myself through stress in the first place'' YEAH I KNOW IM SORRY MAN#it is still good to try and untangle the shame around doing tasks. it's still helpful.#even if it doesn't help you be more productive it will help your relationship with yourself and the world.#which is actually a really worthwhile and not at all selfish thing to prioritize. believe it or not.#anyway. love you!! sorry!! byeeee#personal#brain stuff
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today I learned that "alice cooper" was the name of the band first and then later when they split the frontman had his name legally changed to alice cooper so he could get the rights to the music. this gives me inspiration for another way that roger waters could've made life so much worse for everyone when pink floyd broke up
#'i am pink floyd' he should've committed to that all the way#let david's lawyers try untangling -that- mess#pink floyd#roger waters
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im still thinkign hard about how to shuffle the sages abilities, the inclusion of thunder and time is making it all the more messy tbh
but thinking of gameplay, what would you think is more fun to have as a sages ability? (keep in mind that zelda already has a shield ability)
#ganondoodles talks#zelda#totk#ganondoodles rewrites totk#poll#this is a really tangly mess im trying to untangle#i guess i could include more than one of these#or even all of them tbh#but thinking of koga all of them fit so i wanna prioritze to get the most fun one in
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saw a poll asking "alloaros: which is more important to you, your aromantic identity or your allosexual identity?" and MAN did it activate my Bite response. so I've decided I'm non-SAM alloaro
#if you want to rip me into pieces you'll have to kill me#aromantic#aro#alloaro#non sam alloaro#the vegetable posts#obviously people can interact with their identities however they want. no shade on the people who have an easy answer to that question#i personally am just sick of trying to untangle all the little labels that fit me#why should i have to 'untangle' them they're not a mess to clean up. the knots are meant to be there. they make a cohesive whole
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Last night my Sims just fucked shit up lmao I'm gonna take a few days to reconcile wtf just happened
#vague#but basically the sims just decided to throw caution to the wind#and do w.e. the hell they felt like#so my story is all fcked its gonna take a bit of creative genuis to untangle this mess
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Lately I've been ruminating about my Eak headcanons some more and I'm trying to like... Manage the level of angst I want to work with.
#because I've been thinking some more about that one line he has. about losing two people#and what that could possibly mean for him#if we consider that the other person he's referring to is cami then that probably means she's in as much danger as towntrap#which is interesting considering the fact that eak doesn't seem all that worried about himself#does he think owynn couldn't or wouldn't hurt him but would hurt the other two?#or does he put his own safety below the safety of his friends? because that's some spicy characterization#however the fact that towntrap is confused and generally doesn't seem to understand how dangerous owynn is#leads me to believe that towntrap is in fact not fully aware of the gravity of the situation#is it just because he's stupid or did eak not inform him? is that why he cut himself off?#lots of potential theorization about just how much eak knows in comparison to everyone else- about the plan and about owynn#but also. if cami is not the other person he lost and he's referring another matter that happened before#that opens a HUGE number of possibilities to explore#I remember when I first entered the fandom I made a whole plot up about eak having an older brother that worked for owynn's boss#so that brother gave him some crumbs of insider information which is how he knows more than the others#except at some point his brother fully cut contact with him and his whole family so eak is like#kind of freaked out to find out later that cami is ropped into that sort of thing too#and trying to untangle this whole mess without ending up dead#I don't remember right now why I abandoned the idea of giving him an older brother but I might being it back#anyway. sorry for the 1AM incoherent eak ramble#fnafhs
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god i know this is a dangerous thought game to go down but sometimes i really do just wish i realized i was trans earlier, like i really am out here feeling like a real person for the first time in my life in my 30's huh. :/
#i firmly believe that like...life is not wasted#and the experiences i had are valuable and important and taught me a lot#but like...if i had half the understanding i have now i think i easily would have realized i was trans at like 11 or 12#and instead i repressed it so deep that i didn't even start untangling that mess till my mid twenties#didn't start t till i was 28 (years after i knew i needed it)#which isn't even that old all things considered but#sometimes i think it would be nice to have been young and dumb and not horrifically uncomfortable in my body and gender and being#i mean i was fucked up for a lot of reasons in my 20's not just being trans but that was a big thick ol' icing on the cake ya know?#and just sometimes it feels like i'm having experiences and learning things that other people had ages ago cuz i was just#so nonfunctional#idk god it's been so hard it doesn't seem like it should be this hard#i'm glad i'm alive though which is... a lot on it's own#and i got top surgery last year! i didn't post about it a lot but#i'm literally so thankful every day i could cry#idk it all feels so obvious in retrospect you know?
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bf going away for the night might go absolutely feral, piece all the little scribbles i've been leaving around my notes for the past 3 days and actually write that [redacted] mal/astarion one-shot
#life#the bg3 adventures#redacted because it's -how do you say- uh...💦 yaknow?#no but it's like.. mal's driving me absolutely insane she's so complicated and i just want to untangle her and all that mess in her head ok#yeah why would i play AND finish the actual game when i can just... do other things instead???
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did not make it out of the yarn store unscathed
#i've been lusting after malabrigo yarn for WEEKS and this made me say 'holy fuck' under my breath when i saw it#idk what i'm going to do with it but i wasnt about to leave without her#100% merino and the color has indescribable depth and vibrancy. im obsessed#not pictured is 45 needles because i need new ones for embroidery etc and that was all they had lmao. anyone need sewing needles#i am going to wind this before trying to do something with it btw. still not done untangling the mess from not doing this w the other yarn#me
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#why is everything bad all of a sudden#science side of tumblr pls explain#to be clear: literally nothing has happened#my feelings were just a tangled mess inside me for the last 4 hours#I worked rly hard to untangle them#and what was my prize? depression 🙃#and now I can’t even talk about it bc my mouth doesn’t work#hate hate hate
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feeling super high energy today. on one hand, that means the ideas are flowing and i'm feeling pretty good.
on the OTHER hand my brain is also moving way too fast help i can't focus on anything and it's 9pm and i haven't eaten all day i have so many tabs open and ash's tumblr stuff and carrd and photoshop and sai and soulseek and winamp and discord and oh god please help
#my hellbrains and exec dys been so bad this week waaaaaaa!!!!!!!#and my chair now squeaks at most pressure so now my wobbly legs get their own orchestra#i feel like. i am at least getting better at COPING with how i. can't keep up with my own brain most of the time#patience is a virtue n all that. but my god u learn how to look in from the outside sometimes and god damn. what a mess!#it has untangled itself before and it will do again#maybe this also has something to do with how itchy i've been lately so itchy#in the brain and the skin#itchy itchy itchy itchy i've been waiting for my adhd assessment for so long now#one time my doc raised his eyebrow at me when i suggested hypomania and i felt so stupid but now. now now now.
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what are your top 5 characters/relationships/dynamics of yellowjackets?
Nat, Misty, Shauna, Jackie, Tai (e Akilah) no surprises there lmao
Misty&Nat, Jackie&Shauna, Callie&Shauna, Shauna&Tai, Lottie&her believers like Mari and Van perhaps even Travis
#messages#yellowjackets#and shout out to my girl laura lee and my boy javi ✊#also having a wonderful time with mari just opening her mouth and saying shit#oh and while the dynamics are kinda in order of preference the characters are not i dont think i can do that#like sure i am in crazy sexy love with juliette lewis as nat atm but i like them all pretty much the same#also rip lottielee you would have been insane#semi pagan deitygirl that looks up to a subject of institutional religion. untangle that mess
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OC ask meme, 4&8: how did you come up with your OC? (Hope I'm asking/following instructions correctly)
You are, don't worry! Creation-related questions are good too!
OC Ask Meme!
[Picrew used here!]
4. Ophelia was an MC in a game called Seven Kingdoms: A Princess Problem. It's a stat-raising visual novel where you can raise different attributes in the prologue to build your character's background, then travel to an island where the seven kingdoms are meeting to form alliances and such. This is also where Houki was originally from.
Ophelia's type build was called the Ambitious Widow. Despite her family being of noble blood, they still are quite poor, so she has to social climb a lot to make sure her family stays afloat. In her social climbing escapades, she is briefly married until her husband succumbs to death (either by accident or by... 'accident'). After his death, she has to social climb again to make sure her family thrives, coming across the news of the seven kingdoms gathering and she figures this is her way of finding a way to support her family for good if she can snag a richer noble or even a prince, if she can manage it.
She was my third build in the game, after playing blind with Houki, then as another MC when I understood the game's mechanics. Both Houki and the other MC were very sweet and endearing, but I also wanted to explore a darker route in the game, have a character that wasn't so innocent and kind, even if I eventually did soften her a lil bit for when I moved her into IkeSen.
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8. Takashi is one of my oldest OCs (both in the literal sense as he's over thousands of years old, and in a physical sense since he was created when I was a teenager.) His original iteration was my RP self-insert's dad, because the insert needed parents, thus Takashi's creation.
He was a fallen angel, accused of a crime he didn't commit and is working his way back into being a full-fledged angel. Along the way, he meets his future wife and long-lost half-brother, Haiiro.
He is very sweet, if a bit of an airhead sometimes. He's also a magical wizard that can do old-school FF style magic, mainly focusing in the healing magics, but can do attack stuff too.
Haven't done much with him recently, but I did do a Fictober for him back in 2020, so there's that.
Thanks for the ask!
#meme thingys#ask me things#krys's babies#ophelia of revaire#takashi imeteri (oc)#still have fond memories of that RP#Takashi got to fight a balrog so that was fun#and the original story I wrote for him and Arianna is still up on fictionpress#not complete because that hasn't changed in 20 years of writing#but there are some scenes in it that I wanna rewrite with my now experience#like the developing love between Taka and Aria#Haiiro's shift from villain to team good guy#everyone's purposes and motivations#all a big tangled mess#and only me to untangle it#oh well
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