#to try to spark a little joy for anyone that might be intrigued by this premise

[ashesandhalefire]

wip saturday

so! i got tagged by @alchemistc on wednesday (which is basically today when you think about it!!!) but the only thing i've worked on this week is a bucktommy-adult-film-stars-blind-date!AU, of which 6k came to me in a fit of inspiration in the middle of the night.

it currently sits at almost 11k and it's clearly me biting off more than i can chew and it may never actually see the light of day and i don't know what to say for myself except a lot of anxious yelling!!!!

Tommy has had a lot of sex with women on camera. In trying to clear what he sees as the red in his ledger, he’s fucked a handful of women just because Howie asked. But the numbers from before, from his time at a pre-reformation Station 118, feel like they far outweigh anything he’s done since, like he's still carrying them somehow.  Vaguely, he hears footsteps and the muffled sound of Howie’s voice. The curtain wiggles. As he sits on the stool, curtain pulled to hide him and large headphones tucked over his ears to keep from spoiling the identity of his scene partner before the cameras start rolling, Tommy squeezes the narrow pill container in his pocket. It had been a relief to get away from this aspect of the performance. At this point in his career, Tommy is considered an old pro. He can do what’s needed. It’s just a little tedious. By the time he notices Howie has snuck into the closet in front of him, the camera is already rolling and he’s being directed to take off his headphones by a coordinator with a finger to his lips. Silently, Tommy does as he’s told. A soft rustle of clothing indicates his counterpart on the other side of the curtain has done the same. The bustle of the house has faded into quiet in the interim, and Tommy hears the soft click of his lips separating.  “Alright,” Howie says with a smile. “Let’s get you two acquainted.”  Tommy hands the headphones off to the first person that reaches for them and rolls his neck. As an assistant steps forward to drag the divider out of the way, he takes a deep breath. He’s not bad with people, generally, so this part will be easy. It’ll be the part after that’s a little bit of a grind—no pun intended.  But when he looks at who’s waiting on the other side of the curtain, the breath rushes out of him again. Any of them, Hen had said, pointedly, twice, and he still never considered the possibilities inherent in any. 

...is this anything?

[husbandohunter]

Moments of Despair #2 [Genshin Impact/Albedo x Reader]

Synopsis: "The alchemist who relished in his gifts only to fall from grace."

(A series of works where the boys deal with the passing of their beloved).

Diluc’s despair

Warnings: angst, tragedy, major character death and psychological horror (correct me if otherwise)

(A/n): I decided to take a slightly different approach this time. Regardless, it’s still killing my heart TwT.

---------------------------------------------------

Out of the many wonders of Teyvat, one thing Albedo loved most was how you were so different from him. 

Difference ties to the unknown, one that must be discovered. He was drawn to you the first time he had laid his eyes upon your form standing at the heights of Mondstadt's cathedral. The Sisters scolded you from below, but all you did was reply with a wink amidst their chaos before soaring into the skies and letting the wind carry your glider. Reckless they said. For him, your recklessness was intriguing. 

As the sun's light blinded his vision, everything he saw seemed like a glass barrier. For the ground was where he thrived and chalk was his core, it became the basis of Albedo's very existence. Even the geo Archon granted him a Vision of the same element to affirm his identity. The earth will forever be attached to his feet as he will keep on his stride until every last truth of Teyvat have all been realized. You, on the other hand, hailed from a place where he couldn't quite reach. What lies beyond this glass ceiling? Albedo found himself gradually holding onto a string of curiosities, a string he could touch but was not able to feel. 

'Interesting,' he thought quietly, while the breeze slip between the fingers of his outstretched hand. 

He was a character of logic, possessing sharp eyes that could pierce through the depths of the most complex formulas and a mind to predict their outcomes-  as long as alchemy was still related. All impossibilities thrown in his way only paved a path for him to become the well known genius he was now. Whether it was alchemy or  investigations with the Knights of Favonius, Albedo never failed to deliver the answers. But despite it all, he always found himself endlessly contemplating over things that were considered intangible. He wonders why you smile when there was nothing to laugh about. How could you tell between the complexities of the human heart? Albedo can't seem to put a finger on it. 

'Why? What drives you? What are you thinking?' 

The Chief Alchemist couldn't resist being fascinated by your unpredictability. It reels him in similar to a fish being baited out of the waters. However, unlike those creatures, Albedo only tightened his grip on the strings as if they were a lifeline, determined to find out what they truly felt like to the touch. 

"I can't really say it's much of an answer," you hummed, clasping both hands behind your back before declaring with a grin, "To put it simply, you just gotta follow your heart."

'Follow your heart...' What does it mean to follow your heart? 

"I'm afraid I still don't understand," he replied in a thoughtful manner. The statement never really resonated with him and it certainly weren't the words his Master taught when he was in the early stages of being created, "But it does suit you very much." 

"Really? But still bring your head with you," a playful laugh escapes and you add while pointing a finger, "At least, it's what everyone tells me these days." 

"Hm," Albedo then affirms with a nod, "I can definitely see why they would tell you that." 

"Hey! What's that supposed to mean?" 

The days go by and his repetitious march towards the truth remains the same. However, there was never a dull moment when you were at his side. Perhaps that was the reason why Albedo became so attracted to your aura. The way you'd follow around his experiments, eyes so full of enthusiasm at every step of the activity. Sometimes the events can get a little too out of hand in which he needs to step in and save you from getting stuck in slime condensates...constantly. Albedo grew fond of your childlike excitement even when you weren't entirely sure what was going on. He normally distanced himself from socializing as it never sparked his interest. Frankly, he was too much of a genius for mundane conversations. Your presence was rather refreshing in this case. You were an oddball, just like him, and for once the alchemist felt like he didn't need to place that glass barrier between the two worlds. 

"You seem to be in a very good mood today Mister Albedo." 

He was a man of subtle expressions yet anyone could notice the small gleam in his eyes whenever he saw you walking in the hallway. Sucrose often remarked with a giggle after she noticed her teacher holding his documents upside down. But who could blame him? Joy, fun, laughter. He was able to experience those emotions all because of you; his beloved. You were the colour to his canvas and the meaning to his flower. You were a force of nature. Like a warm breeze gracing upon the terrestrial lands, you move him. 

Thump- thump- thump- 

Strings around his world began to weave one whole picture while they also tugged inside his chest. God had finally blown the breath of life into mankind's body, it was only a matter of time before Albedo came to follow his heart too. 

-------- 

"Alright, just one more detail aaaaand done!" 

You gave a small tap using the tip of your pencil and leaned back to examine your artwork. 

Masterpiece! 

On days when Katheryne had no commissions assigned to the guild, Albedo would accompany you to the Whispering Woods and conduct his sketches there instead. He was aware of the discomfort Dragonspine brought as the temperature wasn't ideal for anyone except for him. You eventually learned that your lover was not only intelligently different from the rest but physically too. Albedo, aside from the Cavalry Captain, was mysterious in his own way. He was hard to read yet never came off as intimidating, no one knew of his origins nor they knew how he came to Mondstadt. You wondered why someone like him would have wanted to get involved with your shenanigans. Rosaria often gave warnings regarding the alchemist's 'hidden intentions' in which you'd roll your eyes in response. The Albedo you knew was far from that. He was a big brother to Klee, a man passionate about his work, he was the one golden star among the many silvers in your sky. He was your lover. 

My Albedo. 

Brushing a hand upon the drawing you made of him, you glided down the lines of his cheek before resting your finger on the mark by his neck. You gazed at it with fondness. Truly a masterpiece indeed. 

"You do realize I'm still here?" 

The paper nearly flies out of your grasp and you snatched it back to your chest, "HUH A-ALBEDO, WHEN DID YOU APPEAR???" 

"I was with you the whole time," he states. The corner of his lip tug upward ever so slightly, "You said you wanted to sketch me." 

"A-Ahahaha, so I did," you reply while scratching your head bashfully. 'I thought I was looking at a sculpture!!'  You rushed to cover your face with the sheet. It wasn't that you forgot he was there, rather, you forgot he was still a living and breathing specimen who just witnessed your little serenade. As Lisa had once said, Albedo was easy on the eyes. His graceful features made him seem almost like an oil painting that could only be found in  halls of the most prestigious households. You made sure to capture everything, every detail, every curve just like he had done with your portraits. Only now you noticed the sun already began its descent below the lakeside, dusting the landscape with hints of bright orange as it marked the day's end. If only time could slow down. But duty calls upon your next journey and there was no telling when you'd return. At the very least, a simple portrait would suffice to fill in the temporary gap of his absence. 

"Can I see it?" 

You glanced his direction while keeping the drawing close to your nose, "Are you sure about that? It might not be up to your expectations." 

"I'm sure," Albedo affirms with a straight countenance, "I can already tell you've put a great amount of effort, otherwise you wouldn't have taken this long." 

"Yeeaahh I kinda lost track of time. I guess it's only fair that you get to see the finished product," you say and shoved the drawing in front of him, "Tada! I present to you, my masterpiece!" 

Albedo takes it out of your grasp and you watched the way his eyes expanded upon sight. 

"Well? Whaddya think?" 

Words could not describe the mixture of emotions that erupted within him. Was it distinguishable or abstract? Albedo spent his time pondering between the two answers as he examined the drawing closely. Despite the lines being slightly jagged and the unevenness in the placement of his eyes, he managed to make the shape of the entire image you were trying to convey. Perhaps it was all thanks to his well trained artistic vision which gave him the ability to do so. Or maybe he was simply biased. But there wasn't a shred of doubt that this was indeed your craftsmanship. 

"You even added flowers in the background," he pointed out with amusement. 

"It's the thing you make when using your elemental burst, I couldn't fit your hand in the picture so I decided to put it somewhere empty," you informed, "Out of everything, that one took me the longest." 

"And the rabbits?" 

"They resemble Klee's bombs!" 

He lets out a chuckle, "I see." 

Albedo kept his attention downward until he was mindlessly staring at the paper in hand. This was a memory made to be carried as you moved on to your next journey and it saddens him that he could not accompany you. If only time slowed down. Albedo wanted to hold onto the memory forever, because he knew once he gave it back, he wouldn't be able to see you for an uncertain amount of time. 

"Do you really have to go?" 

His voice was barely above a whisper. Guilt crept into your heart and you gingerly layed your fingers on his gloved ones, bringing down the paper that blocked his face. A pair of teal orbs held a reflection of your image as the sun's rays casted from the side. You returned it with a reassuring grin, hoping to soothe his worries somehow, "I just need to pay a visit to my father since he's been very sick lately. I'll be fine, so don't worry too much okay?" 

Albedo turns over his palm and gave your hand a squeeze, "How long will it take?" 

"I'm not sure but it will be a while. Snezhnaya is pretty far so..." you trailed off, "But my time in Mondstadt, with Klee and with you, I will never forget! I won't even if I tried." 

When you were met with no answer, a breeze came in to fill the melancholic silence. He too will not forget and he would ensure that it was the same for you. Slowly, Albedo brought your hand up, past the center of his heart all the way to cupping his cheek. He allowed himself to indulge in your warmth, tangling the strands of his hair with your fingers while closing his eyes. Sweet flowers. You always carried the smell of sweet flowers. 

"Albedo?" You gawked, "What's the matter?" 

"...There are certain aspects where drawings can't imitate,"  he says, grip tightening ever so slightly, "How I feel against your skin, the shape of my jaw, your warmth radiating with my own. These are the things I want you to remember." 

Breath leaves your slightly parted mouth. It was unfair how straightforward Albedo could be when showing his affection. Doing as he pleases without anyone's approval to the point it would even catch you off guard since he often absorbed himself in the arts of alchemy. But during times when Albedo did choose to express his feelings, you knew they came from a place of pure genuinity. The thought made it hard for you to tear away from him, "Did you ever find out what the strings felt like then?" 

Albedo returns his gaze, long golden lashes hovering them as he smiles softly, "...I have." 

As he began to reveal his stories, the dusk sky continued to flare across the landscape with colours of passion. Red, it was the thread that had led him to you, the same string that weaved him together as a whole. Albedo lays a kiss atop of your pinky, there was a reason why Mondstadtians called him the Chalk Prince. You didn't know the intention behind his sudden affection but he knew. It was a promise, one to ensure that the thread would also have you return safely back into his arms. 

Oh how he hated the colour red. 

"Al...bedo..." 

With speed he never knew he had, Albedo scoops you into his embrace and held you close. How did everything happen so fast? He curses his mind as it proceeds to scan your injuries, drawing a conclusion where he wished to be wrong for once: 

You were beyond help. 

"Ah..haha..." you managed to laugh through bitter tears, "You don't have to say it. I know." 

His breath hitches, trying to make sense of the feeling that was slowly tearing him apart from the inside. It's not real. Of course it wasn't, it couldn't be. What other possible answer was there to explain the numbness stinging his fingers? The reason for his shaking? Everything felt so cold. Your body hardly registered to his to touch, you were losing so much blood. You were losing. He was going to lose you. 

"No," Albedo shakes his head, "We still have time. I'll go find help." 

Please, hold on. 

He forced himself to think. The ruin hunter ran off shortly after it had ambushed you, by now the Knights would eventually noticed and apprehended it on sight. They couldn't be too far. All he needed was to carry you back to safety and everyone can go home. Albedo darted his eyes all over the place, breaths becoming shallower with each passing second. Where? Where to go? Which route was best to not overexert your wounds? Think. Think. Think. Why couldn't he think? 

"A..." You watched him in your helpless state. Every part of you throbbed with pain but it pains you even more to see the renowned genius who stood atop the pedestal of elegance and grace so utterly, undoubtedly lost. This was not the goodbye you wanted, though death already had you tight in their grasps. Not yet. Using the last particle of your strength, you tried to stay alive as long as possible. Just a little bit more time. 

Albedo freezes when a trembling hand extends itself to cup around his cheek. Every single thought he had in mind vanished and was replaced by a loud ring resonating in his ears. Dreadfully, mechanically, he turns his attention to where you lay. 

"Don't cry," you whisper, "I love you, don't cry- okay?" 

Albedo grimaces, shutting his eyes closed as he allows the pent up sadness to flow out of him completely, "I can't," he said in a shaky voice, "Please. Stay." 

"I'm sorry," Your vision blurs and he hugs you even more. Drawing your final breath, you relay your most cherished words through a broken smile, "But no matter w-where I go...I won't for..ge.." 

The moment your hand fell, Albedo finally understood the difference between death and loss. 

It was...suffocating. Having the air trapped in his throat, begging to release yet it hurts to speak. The never ending stabs that pulsed within his veins rushed forth like the scraping  blizzard of Dragonspine until his whole body lost all its senses. The world was shattering. He could no longer feel your weight. He could no longer feel. 

(Y/n). 

Albedo glances at his blood stained fingers where the thread had been severed, wide eyes drowning in sorrow. What a horrible feeling. Was this a warning sent by the gods? For stepping into the boundaries of knowing too much? Ah the curse of knowledge man must bear when eating the temptatious fruit. It was the result of choosing to love you. With life, death is inevitable and with love, it will eventually bring pain. Everything had a price to pay and as an alchemist, Albedo knew that better than anyone. 

"...Meaningless..." 

But he refused to accept it. 

Cradling your corpse, he leans in and places a kiss on your forehead, lips quivering as they lingered for a second too long before gathering the strength to stand back on his feet. Nothing will stop the alchemist from reuniting with you. If the laws wished to take you away from him then he will use everything in his power to fight against those laws. 

"This is not goodbye..." Albedo said to the sleeping girl, "And it will never be." 

When the sun sinks below the plains and the stars lose their light, the sky had been replaced with a palette of darkness. It was time to go home. 

------ 

"Have you all heard about the rumours?" 

A group of knights gather in the corner as they whisper about. Sucrose stops on her tracks and hides behind a wall, clutching the book close to her chest in an attempt to stay hidden. 

"Another criminal disappeared from the dungeons? Crazy..." 

"More like creepy. I was told that place might be haunted by some dead prisoner's ghost. Even the Church is hopping onto this case." 

"Well I hope it doesn't get any worse. So many of us started going on night patrols..." 

Their voices faded out of range as the anemo user backtracks her steps carefully. Several months passed since the news of mysterious kidnappings have been announced to the public. Rumours of their whereabouts swirled around the city and much to her discomfort, Sucrose happened to catch every single one of them. There couldn't possibly be evil spirits lurking in the Favonious Headquarters right? She silently shrieks at the thought, shaking her head furiously to stop her mind from going too deep. No, I have to find him. Without wasting another minute, the anemo user sprinted towards the stairs all the way up to the second floor before stopping directly in front of her teacher's office. Despite the adrenaline that occured at the same time, she made sure to knock. 

No answer. 

"Strange, he told me he would be here today..." Sucrose muttered to herself. But suddenly she heard the sound of objects shifting from the otherside, signaling that there was indeed someone occupying the room. Without realizing, she held her breath out of anticipation. 

"Come in." 

The door creaks as she opens them, giving her enough space to slip between the gap, "Mister Albedo?" 

"You're early today," The Chief Alchemist noted from his desk, "Is there something the matter?" 

"Y-You mean you don't know? There was just another case about a person disappearing from the dungeons," Her tone became more frantic as she rambled to herself, "The kidnapper never leaves a trace and no one knows how they were able to get out. Even when we ask the guards what happened, they can't seem to remember as if...as if someone casted a spell on them!" 

"A spell?" He inquires, "I suppose that could be a possibility." 

"I think so too. I-It's the only explanation that makes sense! I mean...ghosts don't exist after all," Sucrose nervously looks down at her shoes while giving her book a squeeze, "But why? Who could be capable of such advanced techniques? No matter how hard I try, I can't seem to understand their intentions." 

"...Yes. It is a very strange occurrence indeed." 

Noticing her teacher's withdrawn attitude, Sucrose couldn't help but feel flustered at her own behaviour, "Ah my apologies Mister Albedo, I didn't mean to go off track. Have there been any progress on the investigations so far?" 

Albedo briefly glanced at the various documents splayed across his table. His reputation as an incredibly intelligent individual had reached far and wide through Mondstadt. This led to the authorities requesting his assistance regarding the recent matters, despite him specializing in the alchemical field, he was also the Captain of their Investigation Team. Although, Albedo detested partaking in things he deemed irrelevant to his research; 

"I'm afraid I would need more evidence to draw a conclusion." 

"Eh? You still need more?" 

He could not deny that the given authoritative position had provided much benefits to his own accord. 

"My expertise lies in the subject of alchemy," Albedo reasoned and proceeds to intertwine his fingers in front of his mouth, "Humans on the other hand, are very unpredictable in nature. Even the essence of their existence is hard to obtain." 

"Essence of their existence?" Sucrose repeated softly. She wanted to ask what he meant but the blank expression was evident  enough to signal his impatience. At least, that was what she thought, "Nevermind! I have something that might help," taking out a slip from her textbook, she handed it to him, "It's the report Captain Kaeya gave me. He said that the culprit might be a traitor coming from the Knights of Favonius." 

He narrows his eyes. 

"I-I think he might be right! Just think about it, we haven't found anything at all for the past few months but when we do, I sometimes feel like we're just running in circles...oh what if it's becau-" 

"Sucrose." 

"Y-Yes?!" 

Albedo calmly looks at the flustered girl, not realizing how sharp his tone was, "You're overthinking again. Perhaps it's best that you take this day off." 

"But I came here to help," she insisted, "I know it hurts to lose someone you love! Don't you understand that we're all worried about you? And Klee, she..." 

"..." 

"Please Mister Albedo, if there's anything I could do-" 

"No need," he cuts her off once again, "Your stress levels are too high. We can't go any further if you continue to act like this." 

"Oh," her ruby eyes casted to the side, "I understand..." 

"Good. Now, if you would excuse me," Albedo bid her farewell and watched as the door clicked behind her, observing every detail until he was sure that the absolute silence had returned. He picks up Kaeya's document. Such remarkable handwriting. But of course, appearances are only meant to be displayed on the surface for the Captain was a sly man, wearing a mask to shield what lies underneath. Just like his letter, they were full of innuendos and condensed meanings, orchestrated together until the truth spoke loudly to Albedo himself. 

"So, that's what he thinks." 

Perhaps the alchemist should have been a little more discreet. 

-------- 

There was a certain place in Dragonspine that no one dared to enter. But those who have, they never return. 

"Hm, no response. Now as for the next step..." 

And he was the reason why. 

Taking the sword out of the transmutation circle, Albedo turned to the snowy hill nearby and activated his alchemy. A small portion of it dissipates, revealing a trench that went so deep underground that even warmth couldn't outplay the sheer cold. It was the perfect hiding place for the evidence to lay out of sight and an environment where only he could handle. The alchemist tossed the leftover along with the others before exiting quietly, summoning back the ice to bury his victims once again. Another day, another experiment, another stain goes to his title. The path he walked upon was one littered with corpses and the sins he committed. But despite the bones crunching beneath his feet and the weight of the dead hanging on his shoulders, the alchemist was numb to it all. Like an entity floating in space with nothing to hold, he became unable to feel. 

"I'm back," When reaching the center of Starglow Cavern, Albedo puts his hand on the icicle and caressed it's hard cold surface, "Did you sleep well?" 

The girl did not respond. Her eyes were closed and her skin was as young as ever. She was frozen in time. 

"You must have." 

Albedo felt the sword beginning to shake in his grasp as it resonated with his energy. Dust particles emitted from the hilt and slowly made their climb to the side of his arm. Still, Albedo's attention did not waver, "To this day, I've been thinking about what you told me the first time we met." 

"..." 

"Follow your heart. I couldn't understand it at first but after being around your presence, I believe I can finally recognize what that term means." 

He closes his eyes as he envisioned your lively form running across the landscape. Albedo, Albedo! The sound of his name was mixed with your laughter while Klee came into the scene and caught the dandelions with you. A content smile formed on his countenance as he watched from afar, even if it was just a memory, "It's everything. The breakfast we ate together, to the nights spent camping outside, and the silly moments we shared, they bring all these colours that I never knew existed." 

"..." 

Albedo curls his fingers against the ice as he continues to lament, "Perhaps that's why I began noticing the strings around me. The closer I was to answer, the more I felt it was necessary to discover what they are. All this time, you were the answer I was searching for," Moist begins to build up in his eyes but they freeze up once reaching the corners. How cruel. Despite what he went through, he wasn't even granted the liberty to cry, "Because with you, I'm able to feel them." 

He wonders what you would think if you saw him right now. Albedo peers at his reflection casted on the crystalline surface, the frame of his face had been decorated with streaks of purple and red, spreading out like tree branches as they both fought for dominance. The teal coloured orbs you once adored were beginning to transform to a colour that reminded him of his darkest days. This was Albedo's true nature- a monster, a being that wasn't human, the essence in which you never had the chance to see. 

"I know I may not be the same as I was before," he added, "But if that is what it takes to follow your heart, will you let me feel the strings again?" 

Would you still love me the same? 

"..." 

"If so, then please understand my actions," Albedo takes a step back as he held out the sword in front of him. At last, the preparations have finally been completed. He plunges the blade to the ground with full force and the surrounding area begins to shake under the power accumulated through many, intentional sacrifices. To revive the dead was a forbidden art as it came with heavy consequences. If it weren't for Albedo's talent and quick wit, the process would have consumed him long before executing the last stage. He winces, the pain was excruciating. It was hard for him to ignore the sound of his skin cracking below his ears and all the way to his nose as they fall off in the shape of small rock-like chunks. Everything hurt so much that even death sounded like a sweet dream but Albedo couldn't afford to give up. He had already come this far, his hands completely washed with sin and his reputation already broken beyond repair, Albedo had nowhere else to go. This was his last destination. 

"Soon-" he pants between choked breaths. Soon your eyes will open. He could drown in your embrace, one that was warm and not cold. Soon he will be able revive those cherished memories from a frozen past. It was all he could think of right now. Your existence was the reason why a part of him felt whole and your death made him realize how painful it was to tear away those pieces. Albedo refused to let go of those pieces, they had already become a part of him. And if this path ended up tearing him even more, then so be it. 

"I should have stopped you the moment you were born." 

The intruder snapped him awake and he swung around to where they stood. But before Albedo could make out who it was, they lunged past him with incredible speed, kicking the sword off the ground while severing his two arms once and for all. They flew to the side, blood dyed purple trickling from the edges of his joint as he struggled to stay upright. 

"Dains...leif..." 

Dainsleif watched the alchemist fall onto his back as the light around him slowly faded away. He turned his gaze to where the objective was and noticed a girl encased within the ice. The man sighs out of relief when she shows no signs of life, he came just in time, "So this is how it ends." 

Albedo weakly stared at the blonde man. He attempted to say something but the blood caught in his mouth prevented him from that. 

"Save your breath, you won't be having any," Dainsleif remarks in a cold manner and glared at his bloodied form, "The renowned Chief Alchemist of Mondstadt and an important member of Ordo Favonious. Hmph, what an interesting turn of events. Out of everyone, I never thought you were the type to act so foolish." 

Foolish...what a foreign name to be called as. He never heard anyone tell him he was foolish. 

"Truly a pity," With a flick of a wrist, Dainsleif brought his sword to Albedo's neck. It was unbelievable how he had the endurance to go through all that pain while still breathing at this point but what is there to be expected from a monster? "Remember that all actions have consequences." 

The alchemist watched as his life flashed before him, the weight of his sins had finally caught up. He had always seen the world as a platform for his objectives and results were merely a natural cause after attempting many experiments. But death as a consequences was an unbearble realization upon his final moments. He abandoned his title, his pupil and his dearest sister. In the end, he was still unable to fulfill his duty. 

"I just..." Albedo mumbled, his words slurring together, "wanted..." 

As the ashes turn to ashes and dust becomes dust, chalk returns to the earth, forever yearning a place that can never be reached.

[2goth2moth]

What Kind of Fun do Vampires Have? (M!Vampire x M!Reader, NSFW)

Pretty sure that “willing blood bag for colony of vampires” is my new dream job. This is probably going to turn into a series, let me know if you’d be interested in me uploading versions with an AFAB reader :) 

Word Count: 2436

Includes: Blood, biting, consensual aphrodisiac (kind of), coming untouched, mild d/s overtones

Every second that you spent standing in front of the old building was another second you questioned your decision to come at all. It loomed, dark and imposing in the dusk, looking like the kind of place that would take a great deal of joy in eating up a person like you. You had gone looking for the mysterious building because of a rumour and an address handed to you by your friend, a piece of paper slipped into your hand with a wink and a quip about your “taste in lovers”. As if she had any room to judge…

But the rumours were about an entire vampire colony, and you just couldn’t help but be intrigued. Historically, vampires tended to be solitary creatures and actively hunted for their prey (and some still did), but modern colonies were said to actually keep humans in their fold, like employees.

Or pets, your brain supplied. 

A shiver went through you. It was impossible to deny that the thought was appealing. Now that you were here, though, you were starting to second-guess yourself, no matter how much the idea of being kept by a vampire colony set your nerve endings buzzing. 

“Looking for something, pretty boy?”

A silky voice sent you nearly jumping out of your skin. You whipped around to find its source, heart thumping in your chest. Behind you, a young man dressed in a dark green shirt leaned against a tree. He pushed off the trunk and started making his way towards you, each movement steeped in easy, confident grace. 

“H-hello,” you said shakily. 

“Hi,” the young man replied, voice tinged with humour. He stopped a pace away from you and smiled, a charming thing made of slightly crinkling eyes and very nicely shaped lips. “Looking for something?”

“Um...yes? I was told...I heard about a vampire colony. They live here?”

The young man’s eyes widened a touch. “Looking for a colony? You don’t look like the type to hunt monsters.”

 “I’m not. I’m here for...a different reason.” Your face heated, almost embarrassed by the implication. 

The young man raised a well-groomed eyebrow. “‘A different reason’? And what might that be?”

“I don’t see how that’s any of your business,” you grumbled. 

“You don’t?” he asked. He stepped closer to you, so close that you could see each one of his fine, dark eyelashes. His lips split into a grin. Long fangs, pure white and wickedly sharp, snapped down over his teeth. “How about now?”

Your mouth went dry. “Umm…”

The young man-- the vampire-- chuckled quietly and stepped even closer, now almost chest-to-chest, and ran his pointer finger along the neckline of your sweater. You tried to look anywhere except for those gorgeous fangs in that very nice mouth, focusing instead on the small golden buttons on his shirt. They contrasted nicely with the bottle green fabric, and the first two were undone, exposing the very top of his chest. You absently thought that it was a good place to focus.

“My name is Sana, pretty boy.” His voice snapped you back to attention. “Are you going to stand out here all day, or do you want to come inside?”

“Come-- can I come in?”

He smirked at you. With practiced ease he hooked his finger into your collar and led you into the imposing building. He walked you through the doors, and into a room with a plush couch. He rounded on you, stepping close again. You swore you could feel his chest brushing up against yours through your clothes.

“Now, what’s this ‘different reason’ you’re looking for vampires?” He asked, voice saccharine-sweet and dripping with innocence. “You said you weren’t a hunter, but I can’t possibly think of why you would come looking for a colony.”

It couldn’t be more obvious that he was teasing you, that he wanted to make you spell out why you were there. 

You pushed through the embarrassment of having to explain. “I, um...my friend told me about this...your colony. And I know the rumours about how…”

“How we keep human members?”

The way he cut you off in such a matter-of-fact way made you snap your mouth shut.  

“Uh, yes?” You stammered, feeling your face heat up. “And I wanted...well, I was wondering if you needed a new...human.”

A little overwhelmed by having to admit it out loud, your eyes dropped away from Sana’s and back to the inches of skin exposed by his open buttons. It was still a very good place to look. A hand, shockingly cold in the already cool room, gently grasped your chin and tilted it up, forcing your eyes to meet his again. 

His thumb rubbed soothing circles into your skin. “And you wanted to…’apply for the position’?”

You nodded. 

Sana smiled sweetly, and turned your head back and forth with that same tender grip, looking at you with an appraising gaze. He made a quiet noise of approval. “I know that I wouldn’t be opposed to having a pretty little thing like you around the house, and I’d be shocked if anyone else would complain about it.” 

A whimper threatened to escape from your mouth at that. 

“But I’m the only one here right now. And it’s very rude to take on a human without the whole colony wanting them.”

Your heart dropped. “O-oh. Okay, I can leave then. Sorry to intrude…”

“Hey.” The hold on your chin tightened. “Who said anything about you leaving?” Sana stepped towards you, making you back up until the back of your knees hit the beautiful couch you had noticed earlier. His hands, firm and steady against you, guided you to sit down. He settled down next to you. “I can’t decide that you’re our human all by myself, but there’s no rules about us having a little fun while we wait for everyone to get back.” 

He let himself drift closer to you, and you could feel his cold presence raise goosebumps on your skin. 

“What kind of ''fun”?” You asked.

“I’m a vampire. What kind do you think?”

Those beautiful fangs flashed across your mind again. “If you want to bite me...I’d like that too.” The awkward wording sent embarrassment through you, and you dropped your gaze again.

Sana laughed, the sound clear and sweet. “I’m glad that you’d like it too.” He shifted even closer, and his voice dipped sharply, suddenly low and sultry. “Because it’s exactly what I’m going to do.”

His cold breath fanned out over your neck. You groaned under your breath, lifting your chin to expose more of the warm skin for the vampire to nose up against. The tip of a tongue flickered over your jugular. The trail of saliva tingled slightly, sending sparks into your fingertips. A thought crossed your mind. “Sana?” A quiet hum into your neck was his only response. “Is your spit an aphrodisiac?”

He pulled back from you, a thumb replacing the tongue rubbing over the side of your throat. “Kind of,” he said. “It numbs down pain and heightens pleasure, but it doesn’t mess with your head. And it doesn’t absorb through skin.” A slow drag of the pad of his thumb sent a shiver rippling down your spine. “Do you still want this?”

There was no question in your mind. “Absolutely.”

A soft kiss was pressed to the column of your throat before those fangs sunk deep into your neck. Even though you had been prepared for it, the sudden pain of it made you gasp. It lanced through you sharply before slowly melting into a gentle warmth. The feeling was comforting as it thrummed through your veins. You couldn’t help but sigh and lean closer to Sana. He worked his fangs a little deeper, and sucked lightly. 

“Ahh.” 

The moan slipped out of your mouth unbidden. The barely-there suction felt unbelievably good, and you pushed even closer to Sana. He smirked against your skin. His hand-- skin still cold to the touch-- came up to cradle your face, tugging your head backwards to expose even more of your neck. The touch made you moan again, and you could feel your cock start to harden, pleasure coiling deep in your stomach. The grip on your throat loosened and his fangs slid out of you. Something warm and wet-- probably blood, maybe spit-- dripped down before Sana’s tongue darted out to lick it up. The flicker and drag of the tongue against your skin pulled more quiet sounds of pleasure out of you. The hand not occupied with holding your head in place crept down to grasp at your hip. The chill seeped through your clothing, and the pressure made your hips buck involuntarily. A dull throb settled in around the still-bleeding bite.

“Are you okay, darling?” Sana crooned to you. 

That sinful tongue ran over the shell of your ear before his mouth lowered to suck lightly on the wound again.

“It just feels so good.” Your chest was starting to heave with heavy breaths. Every touch on your skin felt electric, like a livewire connected to each of your nerves. 

“I told you it would.”

The hand that was holding onto your head tightened suddenly and pushed you to the other side. He licked his bloodstained lips before lowering his mouth to the unmarked side of your neck. Lips, warmed to room temperature by your skin, just barely ghosted over you, raising goosebumps in their wake and sending more heat pooling in your gut. 

Your moans were breathy and muffled as you bit down hard on your lip, trying to be as quiet as possible. “I didn’t know it was going to be like this."

“Is it too much?” Sana asked, pulling away a little bit. The loss of contact made you whine and arch towards him.

“N-no,” you groaned, “I just don't think I’m going to...last much longer.”

The hand that had been gripping your hip trailed up to slip under the hem of your shirt. His fingers stroked teasing circles into your abdomen, tightening the pleasurable coil in your belly. “I didn’t expect you to.”

You didn’t have time to react before he once again sunk his teeth into your undamaged flesh, lovely mouth finding its place right where your neck met your shoulder. The pain was almost nonexistent, just sharp, deep-seated, irresistible pleasure. Sana’s soft lips suckled on your skin with hellish gentleness, pulling blood from the wound around his fangs. Your hips bucked up again, thrusting into nothing, trying desperately to get some friction against your cock. He unclamped his jaw from your shoulder, fangs slipping free. Warm blood flowed down from the bite, catching briefly at the base of your throat before sliding further down and touching your shirt. A delicate, cool finger hooked into your collar and pulled it down before it could get more stained. His tongue chased the blood back to its source, lapping it up with intoxicating deftness. Each stroke left a trail of chilled spit over your skin, cooling even further in the air of the room. Choked-out noises of ecstasy fell from your lips with every slick drag. You wriggled about, trying to twist far enough to get Sana’s leg between yours, so riled up that you would happily hump yourself to completion on the thigh of a vampire you just met. It was a hopeless pursuit, his hand returning to your hip to keep you pinned to the couch with superhuman strength. His thumb stroked the crease between your hip and thigh as his mouth went back to sucking on your neck. 

“Please…” you began begging. Your hips were stuttering up into the air and your gut tightened even more. 

Sana’s lips disconnected from your throat. He kissed the wound and then the soft skin behind your ear. You were practically drooling at this point, your hips twitching constantly into the air. All of the feelings were getting so overwhelming that you felt the slightest push in any direction would make you completely unravel. The hand that still pulled your head back tightened, fingertips digging into your skin. The one at your hip began stroking the area through your clothes, straying up under your shirt, drawing torturous loops over the side of your stomach. His mouth landed over his bite once more and he sucked hard on your neck. You could feel the moment when that lovely tongue flicked out of his mouth and swirled over your heated skin.

The coil snapped. 

You arched violently off of the couch as you climaxed with a broken, sobbing cry. Waves of impossible pleasure washed over you as you came in your pants, completely and utterly untouched. The world went fuzzy around you, warmth and ecstasy still coursing through your veins. All you could feel was the world around you melting into a syrupy haze in the aftermath of such an intense orgasm. 

Something icy-cold touched your lips, and a sweet and tangy liquid was poured into your mouth. Orange juice. You noticed a hand cradling your head, and a gentle voice speaking quietly.

“Drink this, darling. You just lost a lot of fluid.”

You opened your eyes slowly, and saw Sana sitting next to you, holding a bottle of juice to your lips. The corners of his mouth were stained red with your blood, and his skin had taken on a warm, flushed appearance that you hadn’t even noticed it was lacking. 

“How was that, sweetheart?” He asked with a voice drenched in fondness.

Taking the bottle from him, you took a few more gulps, steadily feeling much less wrung-out, though the wonderful afterglow remained. “Mmmm, it was amazing.”

Soft fingertips smoothed over the bite marks on your neck. “Are you in any pain right now?”

“None. It still feels so good.”

He chuckled, moving forward to kiss your cheek. “It will for a bit longer. They’ll heal fast, probably by tomorrow, but you’ll feel pretty achy and bruised in a few hours. I won’t need to feed for a week at least, but you shouldn’t let anyone else feed from you until the bites are healed.” He absentmindedly rubbed a finger along your earlobe. “That is assuming that you’re still interested in staying to meet the rest of the colony?”

Draining the orange juice, you put the bottle down on the floor and leaned into his touch. “Of course I am.” The statement was simple and to the point, disarming in its honesty.

The smile he gave you was pink at the edges and could have outshone the sun. 

[official-weasley]

Double the Joy - (The Irreplaceable Charlie Weasley AU)

Warnings: scolding a child, fluffy family stuff

Word count: 4,585

Characters: Charlie Weasley and my OC Nova from TICW which you can find here

A/N: I still suck at writing baby talk so I am expecting an army of toddlers to get me soon! 🙈

Nova

“Alright, so then we place this one here...”

Charlie was sitting on the floor with Aoede and they were doing a puzzle together. It was gifted to her by Arthur when she turned 3 but she didn't show any interest in it until this morning when she found it in her room and the second she showed it to us Charlie had to promise her that they will complete it after lunch.

The puzzle is of a dinosaur mum and her newly hatched baby. I found it amusing but not at all surprising because Arthur loved Muggle things and for some reason, Aoede was more than intrigued by them too.

Charlie, on the other hand, wasn't very pleased that Aoede was more excited about some giant Muggle chickens that don't even exist any more than dragons but once they had the frame down, he got into it.

“Dad, we need another piece hele!” Aoede pointed her tiny finger to where she noticed a piece was missing and they both started to search for it on the big pile they set up together to easily find the right puzzle piece.

I was half laying on the sofa, sipping on my tea and observing them bonding. It was better than Tom and Jerry or any other show or cartoon. Every time they were doing something together I took my time to just stare and admire them. Aoede might be a miniature me but in so many hidden ways she was just like Charlie and I loved to figure those things out and later point them out to him because it meant so much to him to know that she caught some of his genes as well, besides his red hair.

One of the first things I noticed was the way she gets angry – it's all of a sudden and she gives it her all – and Charlie is the same. They both don't know how to handle their temper. With Charlie, I got used to it. With Aoede, it's adorable – for now.

It's also how she frowns and presses her lips together when she is mad. Charlie does the same expression and since she copies so many things after me, I think she got that one from Charlie – probably when he comes home mad when one of the dragons was disobedient and his interns didn't know how to handle it properly.

It shows the most, however, when they cook together. The way they both concentrate when they are measuring things or how they mix the ingredients in the pot. Aoede bends over when she searches for something in the fridge the same way Charlie does and she tends to lower her voice while baking for some reason and I didn't notice that Charlie does the same until last week when he had a sudden inspiration to make banana bread.

Being more than 8 months pregnant, I couldn't do much. Unlike the morning sickness when I was pregnant with Aoede, I feel constantly tired with this one so I am mostly resting and taking every opportunity I can to nap.

At first, it bothered me because I felt so useless, and seeing Charlie being so busy with cleaning and cooking while still going to work and playing with Aoede, I felt like I am not contributing much. The second I expressed my concern, Charlie was quick to calm me down saying that being pregnant and granting his wish to have another baby was contributing enough.

As always, I tried protesting for a few days and even cooked a few meals and bathed Aoede a few times – despite that being one of Charlie's favorite things to do because they splash each other and flood the bathroom. At first, Charlie just glared at me and said nothing, knowing full well that I was stubborn enough to try my best. But the second he saw that it was draining me and that I started sleeping more and more he made me stop and I finally gave in.

Now, I love my quality time on the sofa because I usually have the honor of watching Charlie play with Aoede and it's just the most beautiful sight of how much he loves to spend time with her and how much fun Aoede is having when she has daddy's full attention.

“Okay, we did that part, now to the tail...” Charlie started searching for puzzle pieces again, while Aoede came to me, gave me a gentle squeeze and a kiss on the cheek.

She did that every time she thought that she was spending too much time with her dad and was making me jealous. Every fifteen minutes or so she would pause whatever she was doing and take the opportunity to come and show me that she loves me too.

A knock on the door disturbed our precious little moment and I started to get up.

“I'll get it, love, no need to get up.” Charlie lifted his hand at me to stop me.

“No, no. You two are busy. Let me go, I have to stretch my legs a little anyway.” I smiled at him and he bestowed me with an appreciative smile back, clearly having the best time with his daughter.

I slowly made my way to the hallway and opened the door.

“Good evening!” Bill grinned the second he saw me, his eyes moving from mine to my belly, before pulling me in a hug.

“Oh, my, you are getting big! I can't believe less than a month to go!” Fleur exclaimed and embraced me too.

“Aoede, your godparents are here!” I shouted toward the living room.

“Sorry, dad, I have to go.” I heard Aoede whisper to Charlie before she started running toward us.

“Uncle Bill, uncle Bill, uncle Bill, uncle Bill!” Aoede crashed into Bill with such force that she almost knocked them both over.

“Look at you!” Bill took her in his arms. “Since when are you so big?”

“Uncle Bill, you saw me less than a month ago!” Aoede giggled.

“I know, but still. You must've grown for a full head!” Bill exaggerated.

“Nuh-uh! Tell him, auntie Fleul, he is lying!” Aoede leaned closer to Fleur to hug her too before returning to pay her full attention to Bill's ponytail failing to make it into a braid.

“'e's right! You 'ave grown!” Fleur tickled Aoede's belly, loving how easily entertained she was.

“Look, uncle Bill, auntie Fleul! Daddy and I ale making a puzzle!” Aoede grabbed both of her god parent's hands and rushed them to the living room the second Bill put her down.

“Dinosaurs,” Bill sniggered, “let me guess, a gift from grandpa Artie?”

“Yes!” Aoede lifted her hands excitedly in the air.

“I can see Charlie iz very 'appy about dinosaurs.” Fleur pressed her lips together not to laugh as she sat next to me on the sofa while Bill joined Charlie and Aoede to finish the puzzle.

“So, 'ow are you?” Fleur put her hand on my knee, her eyes that were glued to my belly were sparkling.

“I am about the same. Still very tired but it's almost over.” I sighed and smiled at her.

“You are doing great and it will be worth it once you zee your new baby.” She exclaimed.

I narrowed my eyes at her – she was hiding something. Bill and Fleur were married for 2 years now and we have become really good friends and it's been nice to not be the only girl to marry into the Weasley family. They visit us often, especially now that the dark times are behind us and Aoede expresses that she misses her favorite aunt and uncle.

Only Charlie, Bill, Fleur, and I know that Aoede loves them the most and promised that we won't tell anyone else in the family no to crush their hearts as they all fought to be the favorite of their only niece.

Since we see each other more often, I had the chance to get to know Fleur better which meant I learned when she was hiding something. She has been very supportive ever since we told them and the family that we are pregnant again and even offered for Aoede to stay with them for a week at Shell Cottage so Charlie and I could get a breather and be properly excited about the expecting bundle of joy.

I was used to her asking me how I am and how I am dealing with everything and she even expressed a wish that she wishes to be a mum herself. But her grinning and having sparks in her eyes was something new – as if she couldn't wait to share something with me.

“You are on to me, aren't you?” She giggled as I didn't stop reading her face.

I only hummed in response before looking at Bill who's head was tilted, observing Aoede completing the puzzle with the same sparks in his eyes. I pursed my lips, going full detective mode on this.

“Will you say it on your own or should I just guess?” I smirked, locking eyes with Fleur.

“Guess what?” Charlie looked at us and I wiggled my eyebrows at him.

“William, Nova knows.” Fleur pretended to be disappointed.

“Knows what?” Charlie asked confused.

“How did you know? She isn't showing yet.” Bill furrowed his brows.

“Not showing yet?” Charlie's eyes were jumping from Bill to Fleur to me and back.

“Oh, I don't know, perhaps all the sparks in your eyes.” I giggled and pointed at both of them, leaving poor Charlie confused.

“I told you she will figure us out!” Fleur's cheeks turned slightly pink.

“Okay, somebody has to fill me in!” Charlie didn't look amused at all.

“As I said – will you tell us on your own or should I make a guess?” I cocked an eyebrow at them, giving them one last chance.

“Somebody please just say it.” Charlie ran a hand across his face, looking completely done.

“Let Charlie guess!” Bill laughed, pointing at his brother.

“But –” Charlie frowned at him before giving it some thought.

“So, Nova already knows and it involves both of you and it has to do with sparkling eyes and Fleur not showing something yet.” Charlie had his eyes narrowed, scratching the stubble on his cheek.

Bill, Fleur, and I were watching him solve this mystery, hardly keeping it together. Bill pretended to help Aoede with the puzzle while Fleur and I avoided eye contact not to start laughing. After about 30 seconds of Charlie's gaze switching between his brother and his sister-in-law, his eyes widened in realization.

“Fleur, you're pregnant!” Charlie put his hands over his mouth as Fleur nodded excitedly.

“Not you too!” Before either Charlie and I had a chance to congratulate them Aoede decided to share her opinion on the matter.

“Aoede, you should hug Bill and Fleur and be excited with them,” I said gently and got bestowed with a frown from my daughter.

“Yeah, don't you want a cousin to play with?” Charlie added.

“No!” Aoede stood up, shaking her head. “Couldn't you do this soonel so mum didn't have to get anothel baby?”

Bill and Fleur stared at her with their mouth open. They heard and knew about Aoede not agreeing with mine and Charlie's choice to have another child but they have never witnessed it until now.

“Aoede, that's enough!” Charlie said with a warning voice.

Aoede, who had her mouth slightly opened – ready to say something else – turned to her dad, frowned some more then sat back down in front of her puzzle pretending to search for a piece even though the puzzle was completed and sniffed so silently that I almost didn't catch it.

Bill and Fleur silently exchanged a look while I glared at Charlie who has never risen his voice at Aoede before and even though we couldn't enjoy and celebrate this pregnancy as we did with the first one due to Aoede always having something to say about it, we agreed to be patient with her in the hopes that she would come around.

“Uhm, I need some fresh air,” Bill cleared his throat, “don't you need some fresh air too, Charles?”

Bill nudged his brother and they both stood up. I smiled appreciatively at him and mouthed congratulations not saying it out loud not to get another negative reaction from Aoede.

When they closed the door leading to the back porch behind them, Fleur and I joined Aoede on the floor.

“Sweetheart...”

“Not now, mum. I am busy.” Aoede pretended to sigh, thinking she could hide that she was sobbing.

“Can we 'elp you?” Fleur tilted her head, hoping Aoede would look at her.

“No,” Aoede shook her head, “no, thank you, auntie Fleul.” She tried mustering a smile but failed and instead of her lips curving, she shed another tear.

“Aoede...” I searched for anything to say to her.

It was breaking my heart seeing her this way, trying to hold in the tears and pretending that Charlie's warning voice didn't hurt her.

“Shh, mum. I'm playing.” Aoede lifted her hand at me to stop me from saying anything else.

“Let's give 'er some space,” Fleur whispered to me and stood up.

I was observing my daughter for a moment or so more before Fleur nudged me with her foot to join her.

Charlie

“That was something,” Bill said after we were sitting on the bench in silence for a moment.

“Yeah. I don't know what got over me. I never raised my voice at her before.” I shook my head.

I was ashamed of myself – it was wrong and I should've handled the situation better.

“Yeah, it was evident that this never happened before,” Bill said gently.

“Nova and I promised to each other that we won't talk about the pregnancy in front of her and I guess it just got to me. We were so excited to have another baby and you know I want a bigger family and I just wish Aoede would share that excitement with us.” I pressed my fingers into my eyes.

“She'll come around. I was even younger when dad told me mum was pregnant with you and I was in complete shock trying to convince them that they were wrong.” Bill laughed.

“Wait what?” I asked, incredulously. “You never told me this before.”

“Yeah, I was mad and did not want you at all and now look at us. I can't imagine my life without you.” Bill put an arm around my shoulders and ruffled my hair.

“But you were always so nice and took care of me.”

“Yeah, you and your cute freckles grew on me.” He winked at me.

“How long did you need to warm up to me?” I wanted to know.

“You would have to ask mum that. I only remember that I threw a tantrum when I had to stay with aunt Muriel when you were being born. Don't you remember how angry you were when mum was pregnant with Percy? You were about Aoede's age.” Bill giggled.

“I do not remember that at all,” I answered honestly.

“We were both mad. I liked the idea of just being the two of us and when our parents told us that they will have another baby they ruined that fantasy and I remember we made a pact about not liking the baby.” Bill was clapping his hand against his knee, laughing so much.

“So we should expect the alliance between Aoede and our second-born when we'll have the third one?” I playfully shook my head.

“Yeah, get ready for that.” Bill gasped for air.

“Thank you for telling me this, Bill. I feel more hopeful that Aoede will come around but even worse about shouting at her.” I bowed my head.

“You're welcome and you'll apologize to her.”

“Mhm,” I mumbled, looking up at the starry sky.

“So you still don't know the gender of the baby?” He asked after us being silent for a few minutes.

“Nope. We loved the surprise when the doctor told us Aoede is a girl and we want to do the same this time around.” I grinned.

“I don't think we'll be able to do it.” Bill rubbed his chin. “We're just so excited, you know!”

“Oh, now I can finally say congratulations!” I embraced my brother. “I can't believe I'm going to be a dad again within a month and an uncle in...”

“About 8 months.” Bill finished my sentence. “And thank you. Fleur isn't even a month in so you are the only ones who know for now.”

“Understandable.” I nodded.

“So,” Bill nudged me with his elbow, “any fatherly wisdom to share?”

“I can't believe there is something I can lecture you about and not the other way around.” I chuckled.

“Yeah, you beat me to it.” Bill joined me.

“Well, up until the moment you witnessed inside before, I reckon we have been pretty great with our daughter. Treat your child as an adult and talk to them and pay them attention and value their opinion as much as you can. Children are smarter than we give them credit for and always listen to what they like and try making them happy with those things.” I pursed my lips, trying to think of more things.

“How about the pregnancy? Is it normal to feel left out?”

“Oh, yeah. I felt terrible when Nova had morning sickness and I couldn't do anything about it.” I sighed. “But I have learned that just being there for her and encourage her and tell her she is doing great goes a long way.” I grinned.

“Right.” Bill was focused, taking every word I said in.

“Also, try and do as much as you can around the house and for her so she can have a proper rest.”

“Of course.”

“Oh, and massage her feet every time you remember. I know Nova would kill for a foot massage especially in the final months when their feet get really swollen.” I explained.

“Got it.” Bill nodded.

“Other than that just be excited and celebrate every moment. Honestly, we were obsessed with Aoede before she was even born.” I giggled. “You mean how you told her stories and sang to her while she was still in Nova's belly?” Bill sniggered.

“How do you know about that?” I felt the heat on my cheeks.

“Nova wrote me about it.” He winked at me.

“Well, it's sweet and you'll turn all mushy too once you become a dad.” I lifted my chin, proudly.

“I have no doubt about that. I can't wait.” Bill couldn't hide the excitement in his voice.

“You're going to be a great dad.” I patted him on the back.

“If I'm half a father you are, I'll be proud of myself.” He smiled at me and I couldn't help but return it – that compliment meant a lot to me.

Bill was always better in most things we did and he always beat me in everything. But I guess when it comes to being married and having children, I was more experienced and it felt nice to give him advice instead of receiving it for a change.

“Speaking of being a good father...” I cleared my throat and looked at the door.

“Go, go talk to your little girl.” Bill encouraged me and we stood up.

Nova

“She obviously wanted to be alone,” Fleur said in a low voice when we sat down at the kitchen table, my eyes still on Aoede.

“I know but – “ I pressed my lips together.

I knew that if I would say another word my voice would break and I would start to cry – my hormones were getting the best of me. We found the whole thing about Aoede not wanting a sibling funny and we knew that sooner or later she would warm up to the baby but now that I saw how hurt she was when Charlie stopped her from sharing her opinion with us, I realized how serious this was for her.

“Waz zis ze first time Charlie raised 'is voice at 'er?” Fleur put her hand over mine.

“Yes.” I nodded and finally turned to her.

“It must've shocked 'er,” Fleur said understandingly. “Mhm.” I hummed not really knowing what to say.

“Are you okay? I can zee zis is eating you alive,” Fleur said with concern in her voice.

“I have no memories of how I was when I was her age and being an only child I never had to deal with such information and it pains me that I can't relate to her or help her get through this.” I brushed the tear that ran down my cheek away.

“I 'ad no idea she iz zo against it.” Fleur was a bit shocked.

“Yeah, it came to a point where Charlie and I started to question if we made a mistake getting pregnant again.” I sighed, remembering all the moments when Aoede got mad when we discussed anything about the pregnancy.

“But you want a bigger family.” Fleur tried cheering me up.

“That's true but the first time around, we celebrated – just me and Charlie. This time we wanted Aoede to join us and share this happy moment with us and she is just not having it and how are we supposed to be excited about it when our daughter is completely miserable over it?”

“She will come around, trust me. I waz ze same.” Fleur chuckled.

“You were?” I brushed another tear away before looking at her.

“Of course! I zink all children are. When my parents told me about being pregnant with Gabrielle I wanted to run away from 'ome!” Fleur laughed, reminiscing on the memory.

“And when did you come around?” I sniffed, a bit cheered up.

“When zey brought 'er from ze 'ospital. When I saw 'er and saw that my parents wanted to include me and still loved me ze same, I calmed down and in a few weeks I was prepared to die for 'er.” Fleur sent me a smile.

“I hope she will be the same.” I looked back at Aoede, who was still sitting in the same position.

“Trust me, you 'ave nothing to worry about. You celebrate your second baby without worry.” Fleur stood up and hugged me tightly – as tightly as my big belly allowed her.

“Thank you, Fleur. Your words really eased my mind.” I murmured.

“Any time.” Fleur smiled and sat back down.

“And congratulations. I am so happy for you two.” I tried to sound excited and whisper at the same time, not wanting to upset Aoede again.

“Zank you! We couldn't be 'appier!” Fleur clapped her hands together.

“How far along are you?” I wanted to know.

“About three weeks. We are not telling anyone else yet but we wanted to tell you.” Fleur was shaking from excitement.

“Oh, our babies are going to be so close in age!” I jumped in my seat.

“I know! I never thought we are going to be pregnant togezer!” Fleur grinned. “Any tips?”

“Well, be prepared for the morning sickness which kicks in at about six weeks, and try to not overwork yourself even though you feel very energetic. Listen to your body even if it has weird food combinations in mind for you to try,” I giggled, “and ask Bill to often massage your feet. That feels so good when they get all swollen.”

“Oh, I can believe that!” Fleur chuckled.

“Other than that, listen to what your doctor says and advises you and try not to think about it too much and with that I mean just try and continue your daily life as much as you can. I went to work until my 5th month and I would continue to go if Charlie wouldn't protest so much.” I playfully rolled my eyes.

“Do you think Bill will be ze same?” She laughed.

“Oh, yes, most definitely! Be prepared for that!” I joined her.

After our giggles quieted down, I looked at Aoede again.

“I will try talking to her again,” I said to Fleur and stood up.

Right when I reached her, Charlie returned with Bill.

“Love, let me handle this.” He whispered to me, avoiding my eyes.

“No, I can do it.”

“Please, I feel bad. Let me fix my mistake.” Charlie pleaded. “I shouldn't have reacted as I did and I want to apologize to you too. We promised we will give her time and I snapped.”

“Okay.” I smiled at him and kissed him on the lips.

I watched him sit down next to Aoede and then joined Bill on the sofa, who welcomed me with his arms wide open.

Charlie

“Pumpkin, can I sit next to you?” I asked Aoede with a gentle voice.

“Yes,” Aoede replied, her head bowed down, looking at the puzzle.

“Do you have the time to talk?”

“Mhm.” She mumbled.

“Daddy wants to apologize for how he talked to you earlier. I was wrong and I am sorry.” I wanted to hug her so badly but I knew we weren't there yet.

“It's okay dad, I undelstand,” Aoede said with her cute voice.

“It's not okay,” I shook my head, “I shouldn't have lost my temper with you.”

“But you love the baby.” Aoede finally looked up at me, her red and puffy eyes broke my heart.

“I do, Pumpkin, but that doesn't mean I love you any less.” I dared to move a bit closer to her.

“I just don't want anything to change,” Aoede sighed, “I like that it's just you, me, and mum.”

“I know, Pumpkin but as mum and I told you before, nothing will change. We will still love you the same, treat you the same, give you the attention and play with you.” I ruffled her soft hair.

“You plomise?” Aoede bestowed me with the sweetest puppy eyes that I have ever gotten.

“I swear on my job.” I crossed my heart and smiled at her.

“But,” Aoede gasped loudly, “daddy, you love youl job!”

“Exactly, but I love you and mum and the baby more so that's how you know that I am not lying to you.” I gestured for her to sit in my lap and she climbed over my leg.

“Okay,” Aoede took a deep breath, “I will tly and do bettel.”

“Aoede, it's okay. I understand. Your uncle Bill and I were the same when we found out about your uncle Percy. I know how you feel now and I shouldn't have reacted as I did. I should've been more patient with you and give you time.” I frowned, still disappointed in myself.

“Do you and mum want this baby?” Aoede looked up at me.

“As much as you want to see a unicorn.”

“That much?” Aoede stared at me in awe. “But that is a lot!”

“Yes, that much.”

“Okay, daddy. I will tly to want the baby too.” Aoede pushed more into my body and I wrapped my arms tighter around her.

“You will?” I asked surprised, not expecting this outcome at all.

“I will. I sweal on a unicoln.”

I gasped dramatically, knowing how much unicorns mean to her, and made her giggle. As she turned around and looked at me lovingly with her big blue eyes, it warmed my heart knowing that we will be just fine.

[the-darklings]

coa one year later & self-reflection

(*drags out a creaky metal chair and plops down on it heavily*)

Hi. It’s me, ya boi skinny--

Wait, wrong one. Do over.

Hi, it’s me, Kat, and I’m not dead. Clearly. Today being one year anniversary of COA has kinda put me in a reflective mood, so I guess I decided to sit down and just...talk about some things, thoughts and feelings I’ve been bottling inside for a hot sec. Especially given how radio silent I have gone on here and people deserve a bit of perspective. 

And before anyone starts worrying, it’s all good, and I’m still around and currently in good health for the most part. 

So, let’s take it back to the start. Regardless of how dramatic it may sound, we need to go back a year for that. 

By technicality alone, COA actually turned one year old on October 12th. That’s when the first part was posted. However, the reason I’m treating today as the aforementioned birthday is simple: I had no intention of this story ever being more than a short two-parter. I told this to the discord gang already but COA was only going to have two parts. V was going to die in Tokyo and the rest of the story follows glimpses of John throughout the movies and it’s her ghost that haunts him. Skipping ahead, it was going to have a bittersweet ending of John eventually dying, having completed his task, only to be greeted by V, Daisy and Helen in the afterlife. A peace of sorts. Then, I realised that, well, no. I have more to say on this world and intrigue about this placeholder character V kept growing. 

November 1st happened and I made a very last minute call to continue COA but with the added pressure of doing it during NaNoWriMo 2019. And boy did I. Most of the story was figured out during that very intense month. I posted Part 2 on this day a year ago because I was so eager to share it. Perhaps, in retrospect, a bit too eager. 

For those of you who may not know this, I work as a writer full time for my actual every day job. I’m the main writer for an original webcomic called In the Bleak Midwinter on Webtoon.com and have been for almost two years now. Getting what is essentially your dream job is amazing. I’m very lucky on that front but it also taught me stark realities of having your job and only hobby overlap. It’s a dangerous creative mix. Especially because I was not used to being constraint in what I create or the feeling like I have to please anyone else. Writing as a job is a whole other avenue of creative exhaustion. I love my job a lot and am very, very lucky to have it but it doesn’t change the fact that those initial stages made me fall back on COA a lot for creative freedom that I craved so desperately. To an unhealthy degree looking back on it now. 

But going back to November last year. NaNo time. I did it. Finished on the 24/25th I believe. A juicy final count of 52k+. All while maintaining a weekly update schedule for a fic that usually hit around 10k per update, if not more, even during those early days. Add writing an original story on top of that. Writing every day for hours on end (we are talking 10-12hr days) without any time for other hobbies or time for myself in general. I kept pushing and pushing and pushing. Losing weight and sleep in the process. I think the thing that convinced me that I should continue doing so is the fact that the outpour of support for COA ended up surpassing anything I ever expected or even dared to hope for. I’m not a huge numbers person but the outpour of love and just sheer investment in the story and characters blew me away. John Wick fandom is on the smaller side and has been going through downtime when I posted COA so my expectations were...well, small tbh. I like keeping expectations low to avoid any disappointments in general. But I’ve also always had an issue of being a massive 0 or 100 kind of person. If I love something, it consumes me. In this case, it brought me as much joy and freedom as much as it was steadily pushing me towards the ultimate crash. 

That being said, I can’t thank you all enough for every comment, like, reblog and message and fanart. You’re the reason I got this far. With your support. It brightened some really dark days for me.

But. 

To be frank, it’s never been about you guys. I never wrote or pushed because I felt like I had to appease anyone. That creative mindset is pure poison and I long since learned to let go of it. I kept pushing and kept working myself to the bone because I liked it. I liked how reading peoples’ responses made me feel. I liked the addictive nature of reading all the comments and theories after an update. I loved the idea of brightening peoples’ days and giving them something to cheer them up after what might have been a shitty day. Even if that was at expense of my own time/well being. But for a long time, it wasn’t. I love writing a lot but facts remain facts. 

It was beyond unhealthy and burnout wasn’t a question of if but when and that when was approaching at neck-breaking speed. 

So we come to the end of November. Part 4 has just come out. People were invested and I was invested alongside them. I was just finishing up Part 5 which (back then) was the biggest single chapter I’ve ever written and god I still recall my sheer dread because that was the beginning of Santino being established as a LI. Looking back on that now, it’s downright hilarious how worried I was about the reception of him and V together after John.

So honestly, I hit burnout at around Part 8. Because that’s the first time I recall struggling with writing a chapter. Part 8 came out on December 28th. I had a brief break for holidays. But my mistake was not taking longer back then. Because I continued writing with a barely healed burnout. Followed by almost a year of struggling and continuously creating through that state. It wasn’t like I eased off the pressure, either. Oh, no. The chapters grew in size, the world and the characters with it. AUs amassed quickly and while I adore every single one - again, I didn’t know how to pace myself well enough.

I’m spiteful though. The more the chapters struggled the more I pushed against the burnout. By the time Chicago arrived, however, I knew I was in trouble. I ended up writing 43k+ in a span of 2 months, I believe. And while to some it may not seem like a lot given the time frame, it’s a lot when you’re burnout to a crisp & writing an original story for work + deadlines. Which I was burned out and then some. Chicago was something I was looking forward to writing for months. I have built it up since Part 4. It was a long time coming. So while I’m still proud of it, I would be lying if I said that some scenes were not sacrificed for the sake of keeping to my invisible schedule that no one but me actually cared about. You guys have always been patient. I never felt pushed into anything. It’s always only ever been me doing the harm. 

Chicago was the downwards spiral for me mentally. I felt like I was failing to live up to my own expectations. That people were drifting away from it. I was plagued by the thought that the story I poured so much into was falling apart and growing weaker. Which this has always been an issue with me: I am my own harshest critic. Always have been. In fact, I’m a downright mean little fucker when it comes to just tearing at myself. I know writing is for fun - and it is - but I still like the idea of being proud of my work which only made everything worse despite the love each update received. 

This takes us to the beginning of June. Specifically, June the 2nd. Or, as I like to call it: Kat Makes Another Impulsive Decision but This One Actually Works Out For the Better. On this day, I created the COA Discord server. And damn, I’m not sure what exactly I was expecting when I did ngl. I did it for fun and as an escape more so than anything. But somehow it ended up being the best decision I made in a long while. I know some of you are reading this. So love you lots, dorks. It’s such a privilege to be able to call so many of you my friends even outside of COA now. That little community has given me some of the best memories from this year and helped me to crawl out of my own metaphorical pit I was stuck in. Mentally, I’m doing much better than I did beginning of this summer. Which could be summed up as a constant self-hatred cycle and a feeling of inadequacy. 

That, however, does not mean my burnout magically disappeared. If anything Chapter 17 just put a nail in the coffin so to speak. 2020 has been a shitty year just across the board for obvious reasons I don’t need to go into here but that can only partially be attributed to my mental state. Chapter 17 was...exhaustive. To say the least. But I was determined to stick with my vision and not split it up. I was also starting to be a bit more forgiving towards myself in terms of how long I may take to write it thanks to guys on discord though the feeling of failure and worry never quite faded fully. I’m proud of Part 17. Truly. But that was also when I hit rock bottom creatively on COA. It drained me completely. 

I tried writing Part 18 for weeks after, day in and day out, not getting past the first scene and hating every word I wrote. So I took a deep breath and stopped. Figured I let it marinate and wait instead of trying to piece one of the most crucial chapters in this story like some Frankenstein monster two sentences at the time.

So my solution was simple: give myself some distance from it and write other things. Get my spark back. Of course that’s always a good idea. Having multiple creative escapes is the best thing you can do for yourself creatively. There was just one tiny little problem. 

I was still burned out. Still am. The problem went deeper than just being burned out over COA. I was burned out over writing itself. 

Which is an issue for a person who only has writing as a creative outlet.

I don’t have any other way to express myself. So I was stuck in a runt, trying to write because it’s the only thing that makes me genuinely happy even when I really shouldn’t have. And let me tell you. It’s a shitty fucking feeling. My burnout worsened. I had a thousand ideas but every time I tried to get them down it felt forced, fragmented, and weak. Repetitive and dry. Now, this is also in part because English isn’t my native language, so my vocab is limited as a result, but I hit that sweet rock bottom in that regard, too. 

So, I worked on V (but in her OC form Clara), Lucien and The Elites. All those characters have grown so much since you last read about them. I have multiple original projects planned down the line that will feature all of them existing in their own world, with their own stories and no longer constrained by JW canon.  

Which, finally, takes us to the end of October and beginning of November 2020. 

I was convinced that the best course of action was to do NaNo again but with an original story this time (involving V). Suffice to say, it took a grand total of maybe 5-6 days and hating every second of writing it while also feeling like this project I’m so passionate and excited to write (still am) is just...going down the toilet to be blunt, to realise I may have made the wrong call. 

Still, the stubborn ass that I am, I pushed through. Convinced I can get into it if I just keep going. The realizations that I am sharing with you right now won’t have been possible if it hadn’t been for a rather curious turn of events about a week and a half ago.

I recently bought a gaming laptop, all in preparation for Cyberpunk 2077 dropping ofc. But, in the meantime, I kept recommending a game to a friend on the COA server. That game? Far Cry 5. (It’s a blast to play btw, just a side note.) And playing it brought back all the feelings of nostalgia from the days when I used to write for that fandom. So I revisited some old work. Checked the stuff I never published and that has been sitting ducks in my docs for months and hoo boy. Let me tell you it was a vibe check of the worst kind. 

The stark difference in the prose and the ease with which it flowed was...startling. It made me remember why I love writing so much and how proud I used to be of what I wrote back in the day. Which is not to say I’m not proud now, but it was just such a sharp dip in quality it was impossible to ignore.  

So I didn’t.  

I paused NaNo, moving it to another month. I paused writing for everything but work, which with our season coming to an end I will also get a rest from soon, too. I kinda paused in general. For the first time in a while, I finally forced myself to switch off. Rest. 

The reason why I haven’t been on here is simple: guilt and not having energy to be on here. I like making my blog a safe space for everyone. Similar to escape it has become for me. I couldn’t pretend I was fine when I wasn’t. I felt obliged to perform and being here became exhausting. I haven’t been checking my inbox. Haven’t done much of anything except occasionally dropping by and reblogging a random post so people know I’m alive.

And that’s that, folks. That’s where I am currently. Resting. Completely exhausted mentally but resting. Getting my energy back. 

So where does that leave us, huh? If you read this far, dunno what to tell you. Thanks, I suppose. It’s still odd to think people actually care about my existence sometimes.

I know what you’re likely thinking, too. So does this mean COA is never gonna be finished? What is gonna happen to it? Are you abandoning it?

The answer: no. 17 out of 25 chapters and 250k+ in, I’m too far in not to give it a proper conclusion. Not because I owe it to anyone other than myself. I want this story to be a stepping stone for my future as a writer. I want to prove to myself that I can get this done and finish it. As of right now (as you can no doubt tell with how long it’s been since last update) it’s on a soft hiatus while I rest. This rest? Not sure how long it may last. Right now, my plan is till mid December at which point I will reevaluate. Ideally, I finish the year with an update. But my New Year’s resolution is to finish COA. That timeline has become a little more murky now but, again, ideally it’s within the first quarter of 2021. Will that happen? I don’t know. And I don’t want to make false promises, either. 

All I’m saying is that it will be done. I’m just no longer sure how long, exactly, it may take me to reach that Epilogue. I don’t expect many people to stick around for however long it may take me, but if you do, thank you. Truly. I really and deeply mean that. 

So what’s on the cards for this blog in the meantime? Well, CP77 is coming out in under a month (if it doesn’t get moved again lmao rip) and I expect that to be my soft return to posting my writing on here again. We will see where the muse takes me, if at all. Regardless though, I’m excited. 

One doctorate thesis later, here we are at the end of this really long rambling session. I hope that this has given you some perspective on things going on behind the scenes. I spared you some of the gorier details but I think this post has been long overdue. I suppose I, myself, was just too unwilling to face these things despite knowing about them deep down for a while now. I’m too self-critical not to notice but acting on correcting this behavior has been a whole other matter clearly. 

Thank you for reading this post, my writing in general, and supporting me. I’m not going anywhere. I’m still around. More is on the way in the future. I’ll be seeing you all real soon. And all my love to all of you. 

Love,

- Kat.   

[devinescribe]

[Hide]

Chishiya × Reader

Warnings: swearing, violence, blood (it's Alice in Borderland, we're you expecting anything different?), abuse (none done by Chishiya towards you), harassment  (again, not done by Chishiya towards you), mentions of past scars (not sh)

"I don't want to hide, please I'm so tired of hiding!"

You had lived a life of pain. You didn't know why. All you knew was your father and mother were cruel. They constantly manipulated your emotions, guilting you for certain things, and punishments that weren't deserved. Because of this, you had grown up to be resilient and learned to not take that treatment from anyone. Although the scars and burns never healed, you used them as cautionary tales. So, when you got dragged into the games, and learned a bit more about the world, you learned a couple things. 1, you can't hide from death. 2, hide the feelings you have for people. 3, try not to get to close to anyone as they could leave you in the blink of an eye.

So, just like you used to hide back then, you hide now.

Eventually, you found a place called the Beach. A safe haven for all players of the game, as long as all rules were followed. You had a formed a sort of relationship with Chishiya. You craved the praise of someone who you thought was better, the soft touches that you never got, and he craved the control he got. He hadn't hurt you. And he wouldn't. You broke your rules for him, seeing maybe it wasn't so bad.

But soon the sweet praises and soft touches turned to cold glances, and silence. You felt broken. You had never been made of glass, but when he stopped talking to you, you shattered. You didn't know if you were even allowed to feel that way, as you and Chishiya had never established what you were. Friends with benefits? You thought he cared. But you assumed he didn't because of his recent treatment.

"No thank you. I'd rather not," you said when a boy came up to you, obviously drunk asking you to go back to his hotel room. "Come on, I can show you a good time~" he slurred, stumbling closer. "No. You're drunk, and you're really not my type," you repeated, taking the shot of tequila in front of you. Suddenly, he grabbed your arm. "Let me go, what  the fuck!" You shouted, trying to get away. No one batted an eye, this being a normal occurrence at the beach. You quickly and harshly kicked him in the stomach. He doubled over, throwing up on the floor. You took your chance and kicked him in the head repeatedly. "Learn some fucking respect, and maybe girls would like you!" You shouted, switching to kicking his stomach. Your got tugged into someone. "Calm down," you heard a voice say from behind you. You knew who it was. "Don't you think you can fucking tell me what to do. Go manipulate some other girl's feelings," you retorted, fighting against him. "I never did such a thing. And calm down," he whispered into your ear, tracing his hands down your arms. "Don't fucking touch me," you spat, breaking free from his grip. You walked out of the hotel bar, making a beeline to your room.

      "Chishiya, stop following me. You're not getting anything, and I only had one shot, so you can't do anything," you said, knowing he followed you. "I just want to talk. And make sure you don't kill anyone," he said. You could hear his smirk, and even though he was behind you, you could see his eyes spark in joy at the thought of annoying you. "Talk about what?" You asked, walking towards your door. He followed as you got to your door. "I can't tell you out here. In private," he said. You sighed, turning to face him. "Fine. You come into my room, tell me what it is, and you leave after we talk," you said sternly, opening the door to your room. He walked in behind you,walking into the room as you closed the door.

   "What do you want to talk about?" You asked, putting on a hoodie and sitting on your bed. "Well... I have a plan. And I thought you'd want to hear it," he said. You sighed, and nodded, telling him to go on.

"And that's the plan so far. And with the newcomer, he can be the perfect pawn for us to play with, my queen," Chishiya ended, grabbing your hands. You pulled them away from him. "That hurt," he said sarcastically. "Good. And don't call me that. You made it perfectly clear you don't love me or want anything to do with me,'' you stated. He looked at you in confusion. "What do you mean? I thought I was making it clear that you intrigued me, and I liked spending time with you? Obviously or else I wouldn't have done all those things with you," he said, getting closer. "Oh yeah, I totally could tell when you stopped any and all interaction with me right after it, and started glaring at me from halfway across the room," you said, anger becoming more apearant in your tone. He mentally made a note of not doing that to you anymore, and to note your trust issues (yes, I'm calling you out) "(Y/N), I didn't... I just remembered the rules I had set for myself. To not fall in love in the games, because I would only end up getting hurt, and to worry for only my own safety. You... you changed that, and I...  I got thrown off by it, ok?" He said, sitting next to you on the bed. It was true. Because after spending so much time with you, he started worrying about you and how your games were going. If you had gotten hurt, or worse died. It scared him to feel that much for another person as he was a pretty apathetic person. "I-if that's true then why didn't you just tell me?" You stuttered, feeling his body heat next to you. You refused to look over to him, feeling the bed shift besides you. "I already told you why... didn't you listen?" He whispered into your ear. You shivered at this, scooting away. "I-i said we would talk and nothing else," you said, trying to change the subject, reminding yourself what you had said more than anything. "Let me... take care of you... And show you how much I love you..." he cooed into your ear. His words were saccharine sweet, dripping like honey into your ear. "B-but then... then you'll leave me alone again," you whispered, scooting to the top of the bed, your shoulder against the headboard. Chishiya listened to you, looking at how you had curled yourself up next to the headboard. "You look so cute like this..." he said, curling up behind you. He wrapped his arms around you, and you flinched when he began tracing your scars. His hands worked up to the hem of your hoodie. You panicked, before remembering you still had your swimsuit on. "You must want something more. You're being to nice," you said, not pulling away or moving. A part of you wanted him to stay. To hold you and make you feel loved. But another part of you wanted him to leave. "I don't want anything. I just want you," he whispered into your ear. He pushed up the sleeves of your hoodie, and began kissing the scars that littered your skin. (I KISSED THE SCARS ON HER SKIN- Ok, I'll stop) He knew you hadn't done them to yourself. He knew what your parents had done, and had found it disgusting. Not the scars they had left, but the love they didn't give, and the actions they took. "You're so beautiful..." he mumbled against your skin. "Chishiya, if you're trying to get me to sleep with you, it's not going to work. If that's all you want then leave," you whispered back. "But I don't want that... Well, I do, but it's not all I want. I want to be with you," he said. You turned over to look at him. "You're serious about this?" You asked. He nodded. "Ok... I'll trust you. And I'll help you and Kuina with the plan," you answered. He smiled, and held you tightly. "Good. Only thing is, no one can know, ok? Just like before. My pretty little sercret," he whispered. You nodded, curling up into him, your face nuzzled into his chest. ((Y/N), you really switching up-) He knew you had bad nightmares about the past, and what the future could be. You had told him all about them. So, he knew you might wake up in the middle of the night.

You had woken up, looking around, finding your bed empty. The tears that had filled your eyes while you slept, had returned, rolling down your face. "I-i knew it... should've known better," you whimpered into the dark, quiet room. You let quiet cries excape your mouth as you held onto the blanket tightly. "(Y/N)?" You heard a voice asked tiredly. "C-chishiya?" You asked, drying your tears. "What's wrong? Did you have a nightmare?" He questioned, getting back in the bed with you. You nodded. "You had... you had left me alone. Again. And no matter where you were, you would ignore me, and then I woke up, and you weren't here andb i-i th-," you tried to explain your dream before crying harder. The feeling of misery and cold you had felt because of the dream was still present. You had become invisible to the person whom you loved most. "I'm not leaving you now, or ever. Ok? Never leaving you alone again."

(The touch starved in me is screaming-)

Time skip

Chishiya had been extremely strict with no one knowing of the relationship. You two would just look like friends. But he most certainly didn't let you hug, hold, or give him affection in front of people. "If we hide it, it's better for us. No one knows. Like... a game of hide and seek. Except no one knows how to seek for us because of how well we hide." His words lingered on your mind. You had felt like a child when he explained it to you in that way. Of course, Kuina was the only person who knew of the relationship. You were tired of hiding.

"Chishiya... I'm tired of hiding," you muttered to him. "(Y/N), just a bit longer. And then you won't be in danger, alright?" He said back.

The plan had been put into motion the day Hatter died. You flinched when Niragi kicked Arisu, and grabbed onto Chishiya's sleeve. He shook you off, giving you a warning tap on your arm. You knew what that meant. 'Don't do that, too many people.' You flinched, hearing Usagi scream for Arisu, it all becoming to much like the memories you had. You closed your eyes, trying to ignore it. You had to work your way down from a panic attack, ignoring the noise, ignoring the scene.

"Chishiya, please can we talk?" You whispered to him as you guys walked back to your room. "Once we're in private," he whispered back. "Oi, Chishiya, where'd you think you're going?" Niragi's voice called from behind you two. "No where. Do you need something?" Chishiya asked. You whined, thinking you were being quiet, when really it was audible to both men. "Yeah, (Y/N). She can come with me for a while, don't you think?" Niragi smirked, watching Chishiya for any shift of emotion. "We were actually going to go talk about something important, so no," Chishiya answered back, leading you away.

Later that night is when chaos ensued. The ten of hearts game. Chishiya had taken both you and Kuina up to the surveillance room. You watched as countless people died. You heard their screams and gun shots, and flinched. You held onto Chishiya tightly, hoping you survived. Soon, Kuina left, going to help someone.

"Chishiya, what do we do?" You asked, watching as he looked through the drawers of the room. "We aren't doing anything. I am going out there, and I'm going to try and burn the witch. You stay put, and hide," he said, looking around. The words you had been hearing your whole life. 'Hide.' You had begun to hate it. "I don't want to hide, please I'm so tired of hiding! I've had to hide my whole life from everything! I even had to hide our relationship, please don't make me hide again!" You yelled at him. He stared at you, before picking you up, and setting you on the desk. "For once in your life, listen to me!" He yelled back, a fear in his tone that was almost undetectable. You flinched at his voice being so loud. "I-im sorry, I didn't mean it like that... Just, stay put. I'll be back for you after I take out the biggest threat to us, which is Niragi. I have a suspicion on who the witch is. I promise I'll be back," Chishiya said, giving you a quick kiss to the forehead. You looked down, before nodding. "But you better come back for me. I won't hide forever you know."

I'm sorry it's so short! And I'm sorry if he's OOC, we are learning ok-

[wlw-lovestruck-fiction]

Can we get some Ada love? Like her and MC cuddling on the couch or maybe having a few drinks at Ada's bar after a long day? I don't even care which I just her to get appreciated

No matter how much Fiona insists that you are doing a wonderful job in the Ward, you can’t help but feel that you aren’t doing much. All of them are focused on what needs to be done and the best way to do it. In contrast to their methodical, efficient tactics, you tackled problems like a chaotic force of nature, barely giving it time to exist but certainly not solving it at all.

Not in Kellan’s opinion, anyway. To you, they looked as solved as they could get.

This discrepancy in opinions resulted in long, long discussions that left you more than a little frustrated. This night was no different. No sooner have you stepped out of the Ward that you make a beeline for Ada’s bar, grumbling to yourself. There’s no one to accompany you tonight, but you don’t mind one bit.

It’s a welcome opportunity to be alone with Ada.

Or, well, as alone as you can be in a bar full of people Ada must occasionally tend to. You’ll enjoy what you can get.

“Evening, everyone.” You say, masking your foul mood with a charming smile. Most of the patrons turn to greet you, but your attention is instantly drawn to the slender chestnut-haired bartender moving gracefully through the mass of bodies. She’s a true sight to behold, spinning this way and that while still maintaining a careful grip on the tray full of drinks she’s carrying.

Soon, the grin on your face is anything but forced. Ada has this ability to make anyone’s day better with just her presence and witty charm. The drinks she serves are merely a nice bonus.

She turns in your direction as soon as she hears your voice, beaming, her grin as brilliant and radiant as the very sun. She gestures towards the counter and then continues to deliver the drinks she still has.

You don’t wait for long – soon she’s slipping behind it, already reaching for the ingredients to make your usual drink.

“How are you holding up, Snowdrop?” She asks, voice like honey, thick and rich and so very sweet, so very warm. It chases the last vestiges of your fight with Kellan away, yet you can't help but notice the slight slump in her shoulders, her tired eyes, and the way her usual vibrant movements seem much more drained.

“Better than you, it seems. Long day?”

Ada throws the group in the back of the bar a weary look. “You could say that.”

“Anything I can do to help?”

“Just dally like you usually do. I could use the company.”

“Oh?” You lean forward. “Are you saying I can’t help you mix some drinks? You need to have some faith in me, Ada. I’m quite good with my hands.”

Ada pauses, eyes flicking upwards to meet yours, glinting with faint amusement.

“Are you, now? I’ll need a demonstration, Snowdrop.” Her grin turns even more playful when you produce a coin, making the movement linger if only to stretch the moment a little more. She tracks your hand with sharp attention, looking vaguely impressed when you deftly move it between your fingers. She laughs. “Well, I’m never questioning your skills again, that’s for sure.”

A loud shout rings from the back, and Ada’s beautiful, beautiful expression crumbles like a deck of cards, her lips thin with annoyance.

“If they are any louder, they will bring down the whole place.” She grumbles, and quickly finishes making the drinks. Her expressions softens when she catches your gaze again, apologetic. “Give me a minute-”

She freezes in shock when you shot out of your seat, hand already moving to the forgotten tray by your side.

“No, you stay here. I’ll help.”

“But you-”

“Won’t spill anything, I promise. My luck might be bad but my reflexes more than make up for it.”

“Snowdrop, I-”

“Watch me.”

While you aren’t nowhere near as graceful as she is, you have no trouble navigating the sea of limbs and hats in record time. You meet her gaze from across the room once you deliver the drinks, smug, and she merely shrugs, fond.

“Well.” She says once you get back at her side. It’s a short, sharp sound, like the tap of a boot across the dance floor, full of energy she didn’t have before. “Better get moving, then, Snowdrop. We have a long night ahead of us.”

…

Hours later, after the first rays of sunlight chase the last of the patrons away, Ada lets herself drop in one of the tables in front of her counter with a long sigh.

“You doing okay?” You ask, softly, putting the glass you were cleaning away.

Ada groans. “Been almost two days. If it weren’t for coffee, I’d… well, no, I’m probably a zombie right now.”

Zombie. You grimace, recalling the revelation the Ward had given you not too long ago. Vampires, demons, mystics, ghosts…

What if zombies-

You quickly shove that thought out of your mind, disturbed by its very existence. Your mind quickly latches onto a more interesting subject, namely the way Ada’s hair, now out of its bun, gleams beautifully if the light hits it just right. It’s a river of coppery gold falling down her shoulders, brushing her back with light, dizzying touches, drawing your attention to the tattoos she has there and oh, she’s too gorgeous and you are too sleep-deprived to function properly.

The glass you were distractedly trying to put in place clicks abruptly with another, and Ada snaps her head in your direction, startled by the sound.

Her eyes quickly find yours.

Your mind scrambles for a smooth recover, but Ada is already smirking before you can even think.

“Careful with the glass, Snowdrop. Wouldn’t want an excuse to punish you, after-” She tries to go for a suave remark and fails miserably, cut off by a yawn. You can’t help but chuckle at her mortified expression, cheeks tinted pink.

“I might come here and break a glass later.”

“Maybe I’ll regain my ability to flirt by then.” She mumbles, finally, getting to her feet with unsteady movements. Then she pauses and throws you another look, suddenly contemplative. You raise an eyebrow, intrigued.

“What? Are you considering hiring me?”

“Nothing of the sort, Snowdrop. You already have a job, remember?”

The detail had been thoroughly forgotten after seeing how tired Ada was yesterday, overwhelmed by the intense desire to help. It’s not like you can be blamed, though, you’ve only been in the job for less than a week and it already looks like Kellan wants to fire you, anyway, never mind the fact that you are a witch.

But you did, technically, have a job. Joy.

The reminder makes you aware of how exhausted you are. You rub your temple, frustrated.

“Right. That. Honestly, I don’t think it’ll work out.”

Ada snorts. “Yeah, I was intrigued when Sascha mentioned you were going to join the Ward. Never thought I’d see a thief there.”

“So… does than mean I can work here when I inevitably get fired?”

“I wouldn’t complain.” She yawns again, and smiles tiredly. “Anyway, the Ward is a tough job, plus you had to pull an all-nighter because of me. And we are quite far away from Donna’s place, so… you could…” She trails off, suddenly bashful, looking at the side. It’s a strange look on her, because she is usually so effortlessly confident, but it doesn’t stop the rush of warmth affection that courses through you at the sight. “You can sleep here, if you’d like.”

Your heart leaps to your throat, insistent, thumbing so loudly you fear she can hear it.

“I’d love to.”

Ada is beaming before you can even finish, hand already slipping between yours, leading you away from the counter and upstairs, to her small apartment. It’s remarkably cozy, away from the loudness of the world.

“How many hours do you have?” Ada asks, curiously.

“Probably three before Fiona or Cecilia turn the whole town on its head to find me.”

And either of them would find you straight away. The joys of the Otherworld knew no bounds, that’s for sure.

“They will be the best three hours of your life, I promise.” She laughs when you smirk at her, swatting your arm. “To rest, of course. Really, I can’t see you in the Ward with that mind of yours.”

“And Sascha?”

“Sascha is. Well. Sascha.” She pauses. “How are either of you in the Ward, again?”

“How is anyone but Cecilia, you mean.”

“They have their responsible moments.” A shrug, and then she’s pulling you straight into the bed. You fall in a tangle of limbs neither of you wants to break. Ada’s voice turns softer, full of wonder. “And then there’s you. Pure, untamable chaos. And you chose to waste your night away working with me instead of resting.”

“Being with you it’s fun.”

Her eyes are falling shut. She blinks sleepily. “Say, Snowdrop? I don’t want to pretend there’s nothing between us.”

All week has been nothing but teasing and flirting, sparking interest, igniting it with a touch, then watch it flicker while both of you tried to see what the other would do, how you should respond…

And here’s Ada, half-asleep, throwing it all out of the window with one direct sentence. You laugh. It’s a very Ada thing to do.

“I don’t want to, either.”

“Wonderful.” She murmurs, and itches closer, humming softly when you hug her and pull her close. “Will I see you tonight?”

“Every night, unless the Ward sends me to the desert or something similar.”

“Right, the Ward. Sure, okay… I can work with that…”

She’s out in seconds, there in your arms, breathing softly. You smile, happier than you’ve been in ages. You can’t wait to see how everything will turn out.

[have-each-others-six]

no more tears to shed, nothing left unsaid

for @the-quiet-winds- love you, j.

Katherine Howard is trying to summon up the courage to knock on Cathy’s bedroom door.

She’s not scared of Cathy- all of the queens have been together now for almost a year, and they’re definitely to the place where they all trust each other more than anyone else. 

But Katherine still has some things that are hard to share, some things that make her feel overexposed and fearful, and the notebook she’s about to show Cathy has almost all of those things written inside of it. Somehow, she finds herself knocking before she really decides to, and the door opens slowly to reveal Cathy, standing in the doorway and stretching. “Why are you always up so early, kid?” the older queen asks with a yawn, leaning on the doorknob, but then she sees the worry in Katherine’s eyes and her posture straightens. “Are you okay?” “I’m fine,” Katherine replies, a little nervously. “I, um- I have something for you.” Cathy’s brow furrows, but she lets Katherine in her room, opening the curtains and making the bed in a few motions as the girl fidgets with the folded pages of the notebook. After Cathy’s done, she gestures to her desk chair, and Katherine takes a seat and shoves the notebook sort of awkwardly towards Cathy.

“I- what is this?” Cathy asks, managing to catch the notebook and looking at the cover, which doesn’t give her any clues as to what’s inside.

“I’ve been writing. Things. Stories. I’ve been writing stories. They might be more journal entries, maybe? And I know you write, and I wanted to-” she sighs, hanging her head and taking a pause before continuing, trying to gather her thoughts. “Could you read the first story in there, please?” she asks quietly. “And tell me if it’s any good?”

Cathy smiles softly at Kit’s request, both out of amusement from the girl’s endearingly worried rambling and out of happiness that she trusts her enough to share something this significant with her. She’s sick of writing, to be completely honest, and she doesn’t really want to read anything at all right now, but that’s not what she says. “Of course I will,” she tells Katherine, setting the notebook carefully in her lap as she sits down on her bed. “Actually- if you can withstand staying, I know how hard it is to be in the room with someone who’s reading your work- I finished a new short story if you want to look over that while I’m reading this.”

“Really?” Katherine says eagerly, turning in the desk chair as her eyes rove over the papers, trying to find the story in question. She always loves reading Cathy’s work. She prefers her fictional works, but she’s read her poetry and her songs and been amazed by those, too. “Yes, really,” Cathy laughs. “Careful, now, kid,” she instructs, still smiling, getting up from her seat on the bed. “Don’t mess up my system.” She lifts a bundle of pages from the desk and centers them in front of Kit, tapping the top with her finger. “I think you’ll like this. It’s sort of a ‘what if’ scenario with our history, told through a different lens.”

Katherine settles in excitedly, opening the first page slowly so she can savor it, but she ends up devouring the writing quickly like she always does. Cathy’s writing is just so rich, layered with characterization that Kit can’t even wrap her head around the magnitude of sometimes and imagery that transports her to places she’s never been.

Cathy is far more methodical in her reading than Katherine is, marking down a few careful criticisms to share with her later, but mostly she finds herself enamored in the girl’s story- it gets wordy at times, certainly, but the plot holds true and the relationships she builds between the characters seem to live and breathe right there on the page. They come up for air from the story-worlds they’ve been inhabiting at the same time, both finished with their respective tales and blinking a little like they’re getting used to the room again. “So-” “I-” Both of them laugh, having started into their effusive reviews at the same time, but Cathy gestures for Katherine to go first. “Okay. Well. I loved it. I always love it, you know that, but this is amazing- every word has a purpose. There’s no extra fluffy bits, it’s just a well-told, well-based perspective of a story. Didn’t hurt that the mother-daughter relationship was really cute, too.” Cathy smiles. “Thanks, kid. I’m glad you liked it- I was actually pretty proud of that one.” She clears her throat and launches into her review, unsure how much she should soften her criticisms, but the pink-haired girl seems to take them pretty well. However, strangely, it’s when Cathy gets into praising Katherine’s rather depressing story where all the characters die that the girl starts to become subdued. She waits for Cathy to finish, and then when Cathy asks her gently what’s wrong Katherine swallows. “I’m never going to be this good,” she murmurs, pointing to the papers in her lap. “I… your style is so incredible. I could never do this! I don’t even know what my writing style is.” “Well, first of all, however ‘incredible’ you think my style is-”-Katherine whacks Cathy’s hand lightly for using air quotes around ‘incredible’-“-you can’t write something in my exact style, kid. No one can. You write the way you write, and it’s unique and amazing in its own right.”

“But I have no idea what the way I write is.” Cathy squints, deep in thought, and a smile flickers across her face once she gets an idea.

“Would you want to write together?” Whatever Katherine was expecting Cathy to say, it wasn’t that. “What… what would we write?” she asks, confused and more than a little nervous- she has no idea if she’ll be able to even keep up with the way Cathy writes. Cathy shrugs. “I don’t know. Anything. We wouldn’t have to share it with anybody if you didn’t want to. It could just be practice for both of us, learning to write collaboratively. Heaven knows we wouldn’t have come anywhere near that chance in our old lives.”

There’s a few moments of long, quiet silence where Katherine thinks about the offer, but then a grin pulls at the corner of her mouth and Cathy knows what the answer will be. “Why not?”

***

The next day, it’s Cathy who knocks on Katherine’s door, holding an unused notebook that Jane had given to her months ago. Katherine looks up from the book she’s reading and smiles when she sees Cathy. “Are we starting?” “Well, if you want to be technical about it, I’ve started,” Cathy says, opening the notebook and pointing to a paragraph written in her slanted scrawl. “Take it whatever direction you like, kid. I’ll be back in a little bit, and then I’ll write some more. Does that sound all right?”

Katherine nods vigorously, already hunched over another piece of paper to group together ideas that sparked in her head once she glanced over Cathy’s section- she’ll read it in more detail later. Cathy waits in the doorway for a moment before leaving, watching the girl write, and she smiles a little bit before heading into the living room, where Jane is playing chess with Anne. She curls up in an empty armchair and turns the television on with a soft volume to watch a mindless show- one can’t be sustained on books and writing alone, not in these modern times. “Katherine’s been in her room for a while,” Anne comments when it isn’t her turn, her gaze flicking over to the hallway where all the queens’ bedrooms are. “Is she all right?” Jane asks, concerned, pausing in the midst of hopping her knight to capture Anne’s bishop. “She’s fine,” Cathy assures them. “She and I are trying something out with our writing- we’re going to see how it works.” “Do we get to know what this very mysterious writing project is?” Jane questions curiously, intrigued now, and Anne’s turned to face Cathy too, her own interest having been piqued.

“Not yet,” Cathy tells her. “And maybe not ever. We’ll see what happens.”

Jane raises her eyebrows, and after Anne manages to checkmate her king somehow, she walks over in gracious defeat to Cathy and kisses her head, half out of affection and half hoping to avoid Anne pleading for another game.

“I’m very excited for a story written by both of you to exist, no matter if I get to read it or not,” Jane says, smiling. “I think it’s a very good idea.”

Katherine walks into the room a while later, and with a shy sort of grin on her face she hands the notebook to Cathy, trying to be surreptitious, clearly enjoying the overdramatic espionage of it all. “Kat, are you going to tell me what’s going on with the notebook?” Jane asks Katherine, batting her eyelashes, and Katherine shakes her head, smiling. “Nope. You heard Cathy, this is top secret.”

Jane shakes her head, pretending to be annoyed with having been foiled, but in actuality this is the most she’s seen either of her girls smile in weeks. 

She gives in to Anne’s request for a rematch, smiling at Cathy writing eagerly on the couch- it’s not an unusual sight to see the sixth queen writing, but it is unusual to see her smile while she does it.

Jane knows that Cathy loves to write, but with the constant demand from historians and journalists for information on their lives and their reincarnations, she’s been burning out, having to churn out a new piece almost daily, and it’s not hard to tell the joy in writing is dying for her.

But this is a return to the old Cathy, the one who would write ideas down on napkins and the back of her hand because she didn’t want to forget a single moment of inspiration that struck her. 

Jane doesn’t say anything, because she’s afraid she’ll ruin it if she speaks, but the corner of her mouth stays in a small smile as she advances upon Anne’s line of pawns.

***

The notebook passes between Katherine and Cathy a few times before they all head to the theater- they become creative, hiding it on shelves and in cabinets and in plant pots to make it a game to find- and by the time they’re all walking down the sidewalk in the cold to get to the show, the notebook has almost six pages filled with two different types of handwriting. They don’t really know where the story is going, but that’s part of the fun of it, taking the thread of the story through their different styles and ideas and seeing where they end up.

Katherine isn’t thinking about how much better Cathy is than her anymore. She knows her own style has its own merits to it, even if she does tend to use five words where just one would have flowed better. She’s practically skipping as she goes down the street, the notebook banging against her hip in her bag. Cathy watches her and smiles, because she’s not buried in words anymore. She’s harnessed them back for herself again, for her joy rather than for work or for explaining something impossible to somebody else. Their happiness spreads to everyone, and then they’re all chattering about absolutely nothing of importance and trying their hardest to make each other laugh, all of them feeling the lightest they have in weeks, which translates to their performance in the show- the audience is immediately on their feet for a standing ovation when the girls all jump together at the end of the last number.

Cathy finds the notebook on her desk at the end of the show, with a full page added by Katherine, pink glitter dotting some parts of the paper. It’s well-written, but it’s long, and after a long show all Cathy really wants to do is shower and sleep. She sighs and promises herself she’ll get to it later. The notebook is put in the depths of her bag and stays there for a few hours, well after they’ve all eaten dinner and most of the queens have gone to bed. “Is the writing paused for tonight?” Jane asks curiously, tapping on Cathy’s doorframe. The woman looks up, in the middle of writing an article, getting back into the rhythm of writing for work. “Katherine’s staying up for something, but she won’t tell me what.” “Oh…” Cathy starts, then trails off, chewing on her lip. She wishes she was more comfortable with twenty-first century expletives, because saying some of them in moments of realization of crisis is more satisfying than any wordy curse from her old life. She writes out a quick paragraph that furthers the plot and allows the girl room to play around, heading to Katherine’s bedroom to apologize and finally hand her the notebook, but when she peeks in the girl is asleep, curled up tight on the bed. Cathy goes to turn around, trying to let the girl sleep, but her foot hits a creaky floorboard and Katherine sits up in a flurry of blankets, exhaustion thick in her eyes when she blinks over at Cathy, who’s almost to the doorway.

“Cathy?” Katherine questions sleepily. “Is that you?”

With a sigh, Cathy lowers herself from her tiptoes to flat feet, forgoing her soft footsteps. “Yes, it’s me,” she mumbles. “I’m sorry for waking you up, kid, I just realized I never gave the notebook back to you and I wanted… I’m sorry.” “You have the notebook?” Katherine asks, perking up slightly, her eyes still foggy with sleep as she holds her hands out for it. “Kid, you should get to sleep,” Cathy reprimands gently. “We’ve got another show tomorrow. I can leave it here on the nightstand, how’s that?” “But I-” “It’ll be waiting here for you tomorrow morning. You need sleep, kid, I can tell.” “I want to write something,” Katherine says. “Please? I’ll sleep better.” Cathy rolls her eyes at the girl’s stubbornness, but then an idea occurs to her and a slow smile spreads across her face. She left her pen in her bedroom, but she takes a green one from Katherine’s desk and scribbles out a quick message, handing it over to the girl. “This just says good night,” Katherine points out sourly, showing Cathy the sentence she wrote that’s accompanied by three green hearts. “That it does. And now it’s your job to respond- that’s how the notebook works. It’s the rules,” Cathy says seriously. She’s probably laying it on a little thick, but it seems to be working. Katherine pouts, but writes a short goodnight as a reply, laying down in bed with a huff. “I’ll see you in the morning,” Cathy says gently. “We’ll write more tomorrow, yeah?” “Yeah,” Katherine echoes, her frustration finally giving way to a small smile. “See you in the morning.” Cathy goes back to her room to work some more on her own piece, but after a few hours Jane pokes her head in on her way to bed. “You should come see this,” she whispers, laughing softly. Cathy’s intrigued, her brow furrowing, so she lets Jane lead her down the hall to Katherine’s room, where the sight is indeed sort of ridiculous. Katherine clearly took the notebook again, as she has fallen asleep facefirst on top of it, and from what Cathy can read on the page around Kit’s head, it’s mostly incoherent. She fights a laugh, and shakes her head as she gently works the pages out from under the girl and sets her back in a more comfortable position with Jane’s help. “Hope you’re sleeping well, kid,” she murmurs, pushing some hair out of her face, and then when Jane kisses Kit’s forehead she smiles in her sleep. The next morning, Katherine will be up before Cathy again, as she always is, and when she looks over the incoherency from last night she’ll giggle a little bit, but that laugh will fade into a smile when she reads what Cathy wrote after it. Good morning! Hope you slept well last night after your little writing adventure- I’m giving you a chance to redo whatever you wrote here, for... well, just read it, and then tell me what you think. It’s going to be a good writing day, I can already tell- love you, kid! Katherine will eagerly begin to write a good morning in reply, and until the back-and-forth writing comes to an end many years later, their stories are peppered with breaks of good nights and good mornings and messages between writers who care about each other. It’s not your typical group of short stories, but it helps Cathy find her love of writing when she’s scared she’ll lose it, and it lets Katherine find her voice and figure out how to utilize it to its full potential.

In those pages, they aren’t ‘The Wives of Henry VIII’, with all of that title’s significance and pain- they’re just Cathy and Katherine, finding out a story together. 

And that is enough.

[undertalethingems]

(I didn’t get a chapter pic done, i’ll try to get it up soon =u=;;; )

Bark at the Moon Chapter 15: Wake-up Call

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Rating, Setting: Gen, Pre-canon

Chapter Warnings: This chapter may need some--poor Sans is having a pretty rough time of it. His behavior is intended to reflect how some animals often react to stress or illness, buuuut it's also pretty common among people with depression, which, Sans is :"D So, if I need to make any specific mentions, let me know!

Chapter Summary: It's all been too much. There are no problems he can't do anything about when he sleeps.

Movement woke him. He blinked a weary eye open--oh, his brother had gotten up. He settled back in to sleep more. That was all he wanted to do.

Sleep, so no one could hurt him.

Sleep, so he couldn't hurt anyone.

Sleep, where there were no problems he couldn't do anything about.

He'd tried to forget. Pushed his thoughts away so they couldn't hurt. But it didn't matter. Even if he didn't think, the hurt still had its claws in his soul.

Things should have gone back.

Why hadn't they gone back?

Was it fun?

... It didn't matter.

Oh, a touch. His brother was nuzzling his face, trying to push him up. Didn't he know it didn't matter?

A harder touch--he was being pulled up now. Okay. He'd go wherever he was put. It didn't matter to him. He was dragged and set down somewhere hard... and now he was getting wet. He didn't want that, the water was cold--no, it was getting warmer... very warm. It felt good on his bones. He could sleep in this.

When he woke up, he was dry and nestled in many soft things. It felt... nice... so he went back to sleep.

A sharp smell sent little alarms through faint dreams. He cracked an eye open, saw smoke billowing--but someone was laughing, and he could hear his brother's pretend-whine. This was familiar.... The smoke was bad, but there was no danger. He huffed, buried his face into the blankets, and went back to sleep.

The next thing to wake him up was a thud that shook everything. Alarmed, he opened an eye and glanced over--his brother and the fish lady were wrestling again. Both were growling playfully at one another--oh good, it was play. His brother broke free and darted across the room, dodging neatly when the lady charged at him before pouncing on her. He watched them tumble across the floor, and felt... amused.

He hadn't felt that in a long time.

It was... a relief, really. He'd almost forgotten he could feel things besides sadness, or anger, or nothing--and nothing else. Seeing his brother so carefree, having fun despite everything... it was nice. Maybe he didn't have to worry. If his brother was okay... so was he.

Everything smelled like home. Safety. Family.

And the fish lady, but she was ok. She was allowed here. She was nice to his brother.

There was nothing more he needed to do. He could sleep.

He was being pushed again. He growled, eyes not even opening to see who it was--his brother gave a short growl back, irritated. He was pushed harder--no, he wasn't getting up. He growled again, and the pushing stopped. His brother huffed at him, then squawked, but he responded by burying his head into the soft bedding around him. He didn't want to be bothered.

His brother barked at him. He ignored it.

His brother hooted, softly.

He ignored it. His brother whined, and he could hear him shift nervously before padding away. Finally. He could go back to sleep.

 He was woken up by rattling. Everything was dark--it was very late. It was hard to stay awake, but something about the rattling had stirred the alarms in his mind. Something was wrong. Slowly, he lifted his head and tilted it side to side, trying to locate the rattle's source. It was close... below him? He slid his head over to peer at the foot of the couch.

His brother was curled up, shivering. Something like fear shot through him--why was he down there, why was he shaking? Even his eyes were dark--he never let them go out, not like he did. This was bad... His brother... felt bad...

He couldn't understand. He didn't seem hurt. His friend was still here--she was okay too. So why was his brother so sad? Had something happened? Had he done something wrong...? That couldn't be right.

He... hadn't...

He hadn't done anything. For a long time now. Despite his brother trying his hardest.

He'd done nothing.

... Was that it?

His brother was sad... because he didn't want to do anything? But it was better this way... Any time he'd tried to do something, it had failed, gone wrong, hurt someone.

But... maybe only doing nothing was bad too. His brother thought so. His brother... was really good...

It was an intriguing thought, but he was too tired to pursue it. He pulled his head back up and tucked it against his side, then drifted off, regardless of his brother's shudders. Staying awake was too hard.

 He was shaken awake this time--but his awareness came slowly, like he was rising through water. Opening his eyes was a struggle, but when they finally did and the room beyond focused, he found the fish lady had her hand on his shoulder, and looked really relieved to seem him wake up. He could see his brother too, just behind her--his eyes were out again. Oh, right--he needed to think about why his brother was sad, but the lady was talking, making it hard to focus. His thoughts were so hazy... Really, if he could just go back to sleep...

As he shut his eyes, a sharp howl broke from his brother, and he snapped them open in alarm. Was his brother hurt? Who was hurting him?! And then he saw them both staring at him, expressions full of fear and worry. For him.

He was hurting them. Why else would they look at him like that, with so much pain in their eyes? His brother really was sad because of him. It was the only thing that made sense.

He didn't want that. Never. He didn't want to be the reason his brother's eyes were dark, why he keened, why he shivered. But what could he do? He couldn't fix anything, couldn't stop all the bad things that might hurt them... He was too weak, too useless. He was better off asleep.

What could he do...?

He wanted to fix everything, but...

But...

... Maybe it didn't have to be a big thing like that. No one could fix those things. But something small... just enough to make his brother smile...

He couldn't make him smile if he was asleep.

The sudden thought electrified him. He'd been trying to avoid problems by sleeping them away, but by doing that, by doing nothing, he'd forgotten to do something important. Maybe even a lot of things, all because he'd forgotten why he did them. He tried to remember what he needed to do, something small that could help just a little, right now. What did he need to do, what did he need...

He needed...

Not sleep, not shelter...

Oh. He hadn't eaten anything in a while, had he?

He hadn't felt hungry for a long time. Food was a nice thing, but he couldn't think about nice things. He'd been too scared to even consider it. But... he needed that to live. If he didn't eat, he'd...

No wonder they looked so scared.

The lady patted him, and got up to do something--he couldn't see what. It didn't matter. He'd put it together, realized what he could do so his brother wouldn't be sad anymore. If he was the cause, then he needed to do better. But he felt too weak to move, and the lady was gone--how was he going to get food...?

He inhaled to sigh, but a smell caught his attention, sending more--but different--alarms sparking through his mind. Where was it--there! They'd left a--oh, his favorite, that's right--near him, on the arm of the couch. He stretched his neck out until it was in range and took a tentative nibble--and growled to himself when the taste brought back memories of the flower taunting him.

How... dare he. He couldn't ruin this too, not when he was finally trying. This was his--he'd enjoy this in spite of him. He gulped his small bite down, then picked up the rest and knocked it back before snuggling back into the blankets. They were better fresh, but he was already feeling better. He was strong, and smart. He wouldn't let the flower win. He wouldn't let him take this away, take his chance to see his brother smile again.

The fish lady said something, and he was tackled. His brother alternated between nuzzling him affectionately and fussing over him, chattering all the while--happy. He uttered a low whine--he was still too tired to play, go play with the lady, but his brother's excitement told him he'd done the right thing. Something was shoved into his nose, and the smell connected with his instincts--he'd snapped and swallowed before he even knew what he was eating. Not that it mattered--he was suddenly ravenous after not feeling hungry at all for so long, so it could have been anything and he'd have been happy. But he focused long enough to recognize he'd been given a ham sandwich before he bit again. It was gone in moments, but they had another one ready for him. He wasn't about to turn it down.

A final bit of tension that had gripped him lifted. Not everything was better, he knew that. But he buried his snout in the blankets and breathed in. Family. Home. Safety. Food. For now, he had everything he needed--and that was why he could do things, why it was worth doing them. He needed to remember that.

The others let him rest for a while, then roused him for more food later; they seemed really happy to see him eating, moving again. He liked that they were happy, his brother most of all. Making others smile... that was one of his favorite things to do. He'd almost forgotten, after all the bad that had happened and seemed to never stop. Maybe it was finally stopping, and he could just... be.

The lady stayed with them, making sure they were fed and had what they needed. His brother practically tumbled down the stairs one day and danced around the room, overjoyed to be wearing a colorful piece of fabric around his neck. She'd complimented him, and the joy on his brother's face almost made him want to prance around too. He'd never been one to prance though--lumber, maybe--so he settled on giving an approving hoot when his brother gamboled over. His brother trilled joyfully, then raced back up the stairs--to his room? Why? The sound of rummaging echoed, and he and the fish lady exchanged looks.

His brother emerged with a triumphant cry, more fabric in his jaws. He leapt from the second floor and trotted over to drop the fabric thing on his head. He grumbled and pushed it off to give his brother a perplexed look, and he seemed to bounce before reaching over to pull it back over him.

He sighed. Ok. He'd just stay like this.

Oh, nope, his brother was nudging him insistently. He wanted him to get up. He huffed another sigh, then slowly pushed himself up to sit, the fabric still draped over his head and blocking his view. He could hear laughter, so at least it was funny. The fabric was pulled from his head, and he could see his brother trying to drape the thing over his shoulders. The tall spines that rose from his back meant he didn't have much luck. Huffing with frustration, he left to pace, and the fish lady approached.

"Mind if I try?"

He tilted his head at her--he'd actually understood that well enough. Focusing on words had been so hard... He responded with what felt right--a shrug. She shrugged herself, then tried arranging the fabric into some semblance of what it was supposed to be. A blanket he could wear...? But she gave up too--those spines were just too tall. They'd tear the fabric. The lady drew back, studying him before turning to his brother with sudden inspiration.

"Hey, I wonder if a sweater would work--one of those button-down ones, y'know? If we turned it backwards, his spines could go between the buttons."

His brother seemed to think about this--then chirped happily before bounding back upstairs. He went into his own room this time, and came back with yet another piece of fabric. Was all this really necessary...?

"Okay Sans--"

He tilted his head again. Oh yeah. That was his name, wasn't it? He'd let it slip away...

"--I know you always liked wearing hoodies more, but this is the best we've got. Wanna give it a shot?"

Oh. A hoodie. That had been the other fabric thing. He recognized it now, turning to nudge it around until he could see the sleeves. Hadn't he had a blue one? He really liked that one.

"Sorry, but we just can't get it to fit," the lady apologized. "Papyrus had this though, it might work a little better."

Papyrus--he'd forgotten his brother's name too? Geez. He studied the fabric offered by the lady--she had a name too, but it wasn't coming to him. Uhhhh.... Unn.... Undone? Undo? Undies? He'd probably find out soon. The faded blue thing in her hands looked nice though. He'd let her try to put it on. His claws caught in the sleeves more than once, which turned out to be too long for him--but otherwise, it was a success, and he did like having something wrapped around him. The pressure was nice. He carefully shook himself out, then settled back into the blankets to take in Papyrus and the lady's pleased faces.

This was... this was kind of normal, right? This was what his life should be like all the time. Comfy, with his friends and family--not full of fear and doubt. This was all he wanted. He uttered a contented sigh, and snuggled down to sleep.

It was easier to wake up the next time, and he couldn't help but feel this was a good thing. Papyrus chattered excitedly, dancing circles around the fish lady while she toted out a set of steaming bowls from the kitchen. It smelled... really good, actually, and Sans perked his head up.

"Hey, I think this is our best attempt yet! Who knew they put the directions on the box?"

Papyrus twittered a reply, then looked over to him excitedly as he dropped from the couch to shuffle over, his curiosity--and appetite--piqued. The lady spread out a towel in front of the TV, then set a pair of bowls down before taking a seat herself.

"Well, eat up! I didn't make all this mac 'n cheese so you guys could stare at it."

Papyrus huffed at her, eyes lidded, and it took her a moment to understand his mood--but she got it and laughed.

"Okay, we didn't make it so it could be stared at," she corrected, waving her spoon for emphasis.

Sans didn't need any further permission, and the three settled in to share dinner while Mettaton rambled through the day's news on the TV. The food was actually pretty good--only a couple of tough noodles stuck to his teeth, and he didn't care enough for that to put him off. Papyrus seemed quite pleased with how the meal had turned out as well--and the fish lady wore a mischievous smirk. Sans felt he recognized that look. That was the face of someone... who was trying to think of something funny.

"Y'know... It's too bad you guys can't talk, otherwise I'm sure you'd have made all kinds of cheesy jokes."

Papyrus snapped his jaws shut and glared at her. It took a moment, but Sans found himself chuffing with laughter--oh, this was funny. Not just the words--his brother's reaction too. The fish lady beamed, looking very proud of herself.

"Yeah, you like that huh? Someone's gotta tell the jokes around here, and I guess I'M filling in for you punks. I'm gonna tell more than you thought pasta-ble! Fuhuhuhuhuhu!"

Papyrus made an annoyed rasp. He rushed to finish his bowl, then picked it up and stomped off to the kitchen. Sans could only chuff more while he ate--it felt good to laugh. It seemed like he hadn't in a very long time.

"What are you laughin' at?" the lady teased, squinting at him playfully. "You're the sauce of half these jokes, you know?"

Papyrus returned from the kitchen and leapt at her, batting at her face in a clear attempt to cover her mouth and keep her from telling more terrible puns. She grabbed his arms to shove him over, and he scrambled up with an indignant whine.

"Hah! You think you can stop me? You better use your noodle!"

That one went a little over Sans' head, though he knew he should have understood it. It made no difference to Papyrus though, who could tell by tone alone that it was another joke and was chattering all manner of annoyed noises. Sans tilted his head at one--it had taken a shape in his mind. It was almost a word. It had been so long since he'd heard his brother say any proper words, he'd almost forgotten that happened.

He wanted to hear more.

"I think I'm out of pasta puns though," the lady said, brows furrowed. "I might have to... cavatappi out."

"Ggggrraaahhh!" Papyrus uttered, which was somehow more word than growl--it even startled him, and he blinked in surprise.

The lady grinned wider. "Well... maybe I've got a couple more I can rotelle."

"Hrrrooooooh! Aaaahhhddnnnnnhh!"

More almost-words, but they were getting clearer, and Papyrus seemed to be getting more confident and excited. He zipped around the room as if he couldn't contain himself in between trying to tackle the fish lady again and put an end to the awful jokes.

If Sans could have smiled wider, he would have. He opened his mouth to tell a joke of his own--but all that came out was a low, soft hoot. Oh. He... wasn't there quite yet. He flopped down, and Papyrus stopped long enough to stride over to pat his shoulder in recognition of his disappointment.

"Hey, you'll get it soon," the fish lady said, wearing a big grin. "You just gotta keep working at it!"

He thought--there was a joke here, he knew it, could feel it--he had to work at it, he had to--put his backbone into it! There it was--eyes bright, he got up from the floor, and looked his brother in the eyes as he made a point of rattling his back spines.

Papyrus stared at him. Did he get it...?

"SSSAAAANSSS!!!" he screeched, leaping to push him over. Sans rolled out from under him, raspy laughter echoing as he dodged his brother. The lady was laughing too, and snagged Papyrus as he darted by to noogie him.

"Hah! I should've known he'd be the one to get you talking," she said, even as he struggled and protested.

"Yyyyou! Planned it?" Papyrus retorted, his voice muffled largely due to being in a headlock. "I sssshould have known!"

"Hey, it worked, didn't it?" she replied. "I know that's been keepin' ya down these last few days."

Papyrus huffed, and finally gave up his struggle. "Unbelievable. To think... bad jokes... are what freed my voice.... Augh!"

The lady laughed again, releasing him at last. "I guess plain old howling wasn't good enough to express your outrage. And hey, even Sans got in on it--he's gotta be feeling better too. Right?"

Sans nodded, then shuffled over to nudge his brother in the chest. It was good to hear him talking again, and Papyrus' gaze turned soft as he returned the nuzzle. Then, he rolled over and nuzzled the lady too.

"Thank you, Undyne. I knew you wouldn't let me slip away for too long."

Undyne! That was the lady's name. She scratched the back of her neck awkwardly.

"Yeah, well, you know me. I never give up--especially not on my friends. We'll get Sans back on his feet too, don't worry."

Sans glanced down--he was on his feet. He looked back up at her, and laid down, folding his legs under himself.

"Sans! Ohhh my god," Papyrus howled again--his voice was mostly back but still tended to swing into tremolos or howls. "Well he's definitely feeling better if he's being like this."

Undyne laughed again. "Hey, well, at this rate maybe you guys can see everyone again soon. It's all I can do to keep them from busting your door down some days."

"... I hope you're joking," Papyrus said, looking concerned. "About the door-busting part, I mean."

She scoffed, shaking her head as she roughly patted his skull. "Okay, maybe no one's trying to see you that badly. Still, every time I go over to Grillby's it's all anyone asks me about."

Sans tilted his head. Grillby's... that was a good place. That was where his favorite food came from. There was also always lots of people there... Even if he wanted to go, he didn't know if he was ready to face them. He still felt pretty weak, but... Soon. For now, he was sleepy and full of pasta. Undyne and Papyrus had moved on to talking about whatever Mettaton was doing; their voices steadily lulled him into an easy sleep.

A few more days passed. Papyrus made steady progress--his voice was getting stronger, and he was having better luck with using objects as he helped to clean and cook. There were moments he'd struggle and get frustrated, but those were coming less often, and Undyne helped with the things that were still beyond his grasp. Sans was content to support him in whatever he wanted to achieve, but felt little need to push himself. Now that things were looking up, he didn't see much reason to.

Loud noise, something touched him--he whirled on it and snapped--but there was nothing, and as he blinked awake he noticed Undyne standing warily, her expression guarded. Papyrus was looking at him sadly, and he uttered a mournful whine as he flopped back down on the couch. He'd done it again... tried to hurt someone who didn't deserve it...

"Hey, it's okay," Undyne was saying, soft but firm at the same time. "I know you didn't mean it. Don't worry, you didn't get me, and there's nothing here that'll hurt you. You're alright."

He sighed. He was glad he hadn't hurt her, but... he could have. He had that power. He had to use it responsibly, but... it was hard when he'd act before he even knew what was happening. He remembered the feeling of bone crunching in his jaws and shuddered. He'd never forget his brother's cry that day--it was his fault Papyrus' arm was still a little crooked. He... he had to do better. Keep trying. Maybe... tempting as it was to stay the same... he shouldn't rely on instinct so much either. But it was so hard...

"Maybe it's still too soon," Papyrus mused, interrupting his thoughts. "He's been doing better, but..."

Undyne pursed her lips. "Yeah... It's fine, we can give it more time. You and I could go, if you wanted."

Sans squinted, then pushed himself up. Maybe he needed the change of scenery, to get used to being around people again--shake off all this baggage. What he'd been doing... hadn't exactly worked out for him, after all.

"Sans, you don't have to go if you don't want to," Papyrus said nervously--it was odd to hear it coming from him. "If you just want to rest, that's okay! We were just going to go out and say hi to whoever happens to be out and about, if you're not ready for that you can stay home, there's leftovers in the fridge if you get hungry but we can pick up Grillby's for you too if that would make you feel better--"

Sans blinked. Grillby's. He had friends there, who he hadn't seen in ages--it was a good place, a fun place. He wanted to see it again. Numbers flashed in his mind, and knowing what they meant without even thinking, he moved with them.

He appeared at the door. Smells--grease, fire, alcohol, food--inundated him, but it all went ignored. Everyone--every last monster in the establishment--had gone silent and was staring at him in utter shock. A few had gotten up from their seat and were backing away warily, the fear clear on their faces...

"Hold on--that's Sans!"

The bar erupted with a level of sound Sans wasn't quite prepared for--it was almost too much, ringing through his skull. But it was happy sound. Everyone was cheering, hollering, asking how he was or if he wanted anything to eat, if he needed help or wanted to sit with them, all at once. They crowded around, reaching out, and he instinctively shrank back towards the door, trying not to growl.

"Hey, back up a bit guys," Dogaressa called, pushing her way to the front and waving her axe. "You're making him nervous, c'mon."

"Sans, nervous? Since when's he been nervous about anything?" someone called jovially, but Dogaressa was unmoved.

"Did you forget everything that's happened in the last three months?!" she barked, brandishing her axe overhead. "If the last thing that happened to me was my friends attacking me, I'd probably be a little guarded too. Give him some room."

The crowd backed down, and Sans looked up at Dogaressa gratefully. She smiled at him, the wag back in her tail.

"Hello again, Sans--it's really good to see you. How've you been?" she said, continuing the conversation.

Oh, this was going to be tricky. He thought for a bit, then shrugged.

"What's the matter Sansy, cat got your tongue?!" one of the others called mockingly.

"He's a skeleton, he don't have one!" another retorted, and the bar burst with laughter--Sans chuffed to himself as Dogamy piped up.

"Oh, that's right--Undyne, when she brought 'em back, she explained it can be hard for them to talk when they look like this. Kinda like Greater Dog here, right Sans?"

Sans nodded, and murmurs passed through the bar. He was glad the Dogi were here--they'd been a big help already.

"Well hey, if you can't talk... we'll just have to fill you in on everything you missed!" another patron called, and the rest hollered in agreement.

"Go on, sit down! This one's on me!"

"Yeah! Hey, you want the booth? It might be a nicer seat for ya."

"Grillby, get 'im some fries! I can see his ribs!"

"He's a skeleton, you can always see his ribs!"

Sans clambered up onto the stool he remembered was his favorite spot, surrounded by laughter and jokes--just how he remembered. No one was afraid of him--not anymore. By the time Undyne and Papyrus burst in, having searched for him desperately everywhere but the most obvious place of all, he'd been plied with more food and attention than he could possibly need and was dozing on the counter. The bar erupted again at their arrival, and Papyrus was treated to the same lavish welcome--though he had to politely refuse Grillby's regular fare, opting for a glass of milk instead.

Sans kept a weary eye on his surroundings; he'd overeaten and was too sleepy to focus on what everyone was saying, but he didn't want to miss how happy his brother was. He was chatting busily, catching up on how things had gone while he'd been away, managing to be his blustery self even about his struggles. Even better, the patrons were listening intently, giving him all the attention he'd always wanted. Undyne had stepped back, and seemed to just be watching happily.

Warm, full, and surrounded by friends, Sans had almost drifted off when the conversation took a turn that broke through the daze and made him perk up.

"So hey, I just wanted to say sorry for, er... attacking you guys," one monster was admitting bashfully. "No hard feelings?"

Papyrus gave an offended gasp. "Of course not! It was all just a misunderstanding. I myself was worried that my current state would be too intimidating and then no one would want to come near me! Thankfully I know better now, and am very glad. I just wish it hadn't taken so long!"

A few chuckles followed.

"So what are you guys gonna do now? Is it business as usual, or are you still going to try going back to your regular bodies?"

"The only thing I know for sure is, no more hiding," Papyrus replied firmly. "It's just led to trouble, and I've had about enough of that. I think Sans has too... but, until he stops being lazy about talking, I can only guess. He did get up and come here all on his own though, so I guess that's something!"

"We knew he couldn't stay away forever!" one of the others joked, and the rest laughed in agreement.

It was evening by the time they left; Papyrus toted a hefty bag of leftovers while Undyne carried him, half asleep, back home. He was set on the couch once more, and Papyrus fussed about grease while Undyne sorted the leftovers into the fridge. Sans watched this flurry of activity contentedly; he'd missed the crowd at Grillby's, missed being a part of things like he once had. He felt more like himself than he had in ages, and hooted a happy warble to his brother as he adjusted the blanket around him.

Papyrus looked at him warmly. "I'm happy to hear that, Sans. I've... until very recently, I was very worried about you. But I knew you would get better! I'm sure seeing everyone at Grillby's cheered you up a lot too."

Sans uttered another hoot. He was getting really sleepy...

"Honestly, I... I had fun there too. I'm glad no one's afraid of us like we were so worried about. They're all just happy we're okay..."

Sans rumbled affirmation. All that worry and stress... well, it had all been for nothing, sure... but that meant he didn't have to worry going forward, either. They could focus on just... doing whatever. He just wanted to see his brother happy again, and that was going pretty well now.

His soul still ached with a pain he knew would never go away--but it didn't dig so deeply now, and had been there even before they'd gotten stuck in these forms anyway. Things weren't all the way better, and maybe they'd never be, but he could at least enjoy what he had. No matter what, he could do that much.

He finally drifted off, soul and hopes no longer so empty.

[kitty-otome]

MY LADY JULIET (FIRST IMPRESSIONS)

RELEASE DATE: january 22nd 2021

SUMMARY: you may be a trust fund baby, but you work hard to achieve your dreams: making your mark, and maybe finding love along the way. sadly, your parents have other plans, surprising you with a fiance. are you bound to you parents choices? or does the voice beyond your balcony offer something more?

LOVE INTERESTS CURRENTLY AVAILABLE: 4/6

LOVE CHOICE: no

p. s. “first impressions” means i only read the prologue and the first chapter of every main story available. i make a lot of assumptions and i’ll probably go on a tangent at some point or another, so please be warned.

— THE PREMISE

in short, the mc (you) is a rich kid who dreams of becoming successful without the help of your parents (just like every millennial born wealthy, how predictable). unfortunately for her, her father unexpectedly throws her into an arranged marriage (on her birthday, might i add) with the flashy ceo of an entertainment company. in this story, your fiancé is chosen for you, so the other love interests are not other wealthy men, but people who work for your family/with you (AKA people your parents wouldn’t approve of). meaning, unless you pick the fiancé’s route, we’re falling into a romeo and juliet dynamic (hence the title of the game).

i think the premise is fine. it’s nothing new or original, but that doesn’t necessarily make it bad. who doesn’t love a good forbidden romance? i think it’s interesting that your fiancé is picked for you, rather than you pick the fiancé, i think it’s a good chance of pace.

— THE WRITING

the writing is quite good, much like the writing in most of voltage’s new stories. there isn’t too much description (at least in the prologue/first chapter), thus quickening the pace of the story. so if you’re someone (like me) who likes slower paced stories, you might find that these first chapters feel a bit rushed, i know i did. but if you’re someone who hates descriptions and long monologues, and who just wants to see action, you might really be into this style of writing.

personally, i love long descriptions and endless monologues describing the train of thought of the mc/narrator, but i know i’m of the minority.

furthermore, i find that whoever wrote this is very good at creating intrigue. although the writing isn’t particularly poetic (in my opinion, at least), it definitely sucks you in in other ways. the writers managed to spark curiosity in the readers without confusing them (something voltage writers then to do when attempting to create intrigue), which is quite a feat.

— THE LOVE INTERESTS

there are currently four love interests that you can play at the moment, they are keiji fujieda (the butler), haruto miyake (the chef), yoshiki minagawa (the coworker) and shotaru uekusa (the childhood friend). the love interests that are not available at the moment are hisashi aoyama (the fiancé) and motoki takahashi (i don’t know what he does, you don’t see him in the prologue, but i assume he works for hisashi based on the information available about him).

they’re all very attractive characters, aesthetically they’re very nice to look at. keiji truly does not interest me at all, he comes off as a cardboard box with a high sex drive, and hey if that’s your thing then get your thick brown packing material sis, but that’s just not for me. haruto seems alright, he comes off as quite immature to me, but i find that him and mc have good chemistry. yoshiki interests me. i’m really curious to see what he’s like when he’s in love (since he’s always as. stiff as a board). his main story seems pretty good too. however, i feel like they might’ve tried to recreate a takuto moment with his character design? who knows. shotaru seems pretty cool, i find his relationship with mc to be very cute. however, the love interest i want to play most hisashi. he seems like a very complex character and i’m really curious to know what are his motives behind marrying mc. i feel like he has a really fascinating/tragic backstory.

— THE MC

i don’t know what i feel about the mc. i think it’s still too early to really make a true judgment of her character. however, from what i see, she’s basically the stereotypical angsty rich kid who wants to live like one of the middle class kids, and i’m not crazy about that to say the least. i’d honestly rather have a bratty and self centered mc than an arrogant and “rebellious” mc who tries to act like she wasn’t born with a silver spoon in her mouth, because then at least she’d acknowledge her privilege and have room for growth. but that’s just my opinion.

with that being said, her desire to distance herself from her parents is very understandable. her father is a raging misogynist and and her mother is an airhead-ish enabler. so her dislike for her parents is very understandable.

(off topic but, i think i should mention that her father’s words really hurt me, like actually hurt me. they gave me flashbacks from my own childhood, so if you’re sensitive to parental abuse or misogynistic remarks/insults, i would probably steer clear from this game.)

now, earlier i called the mc rebellious with quotation marks. the reason why i did that is because this mc has a very.. anticlimactic way of showing rebellion (in my opinion). this mc has a regular office job. there’s nothing wrong with having an office job, but if you hate your parents and want to rebel against them, shouldn’t you a) become a heavy metal singer so your parents are too embarrassed to be seen with you or b) become so successful you parents can’t interrupt your life anymore? who the hell becomes a regular office employee to rebel against their overbearing millionaire parents? not only that, but she explicitly says she isn’t completely satisfied in her current position. if she was satisfied with her job, then it would be a completely different story, but she isn’t. so, how is it rebellion? how is working a job you’re unhappy with supposed to make anyone jealous or envious? i honestly would’ve loved an angsty alt mc, who’s more interested in touring the world with her band than getting a husband, or a really brainy mc who’s more interest in pursuing higher education than getting married, or even a really business oriented mc with a wildly successful company who’s more interested in making bank than babies.

just imagine picking a job that you’re only half satisfied with when you have all that money at your disposal? that’s humiliating.

plus, she talks out loud to herself a lot which makes me weirdly uncomfortable. i understand you’re frustrated girl, but just get a journal or something. you’ll wake up the entire neighborhood with that blabbering.

— THE MAIN STORIES

most of the plots actually seem really good. in keiji’s main story, you realize you’ve fallen for him while he’s helping you plan your wedding. in haruto’s main story, you make a bet with him that you’ll fall in love with your fiancé, but you end up falling for him instead. in yoshiki’s main story, you start falling in love with him as you work together, but then you realize he might have sinister motives (much like a certain plot from irresistible mistakes). all of these plots seem great!

shotaru’s main story, on the other hand, seems absolutely pointless. in his story, you fall in love, but then he starts falling for a maid and you start falling for your fiancé, but for some reason, you’re trying to save your relationship, even though it sounds more convenient for him to marry the maid and for you to marry, well... your fiancé. (???) i promise i’m just as confused as you are. maybe the summary is just written really weirdly. i assume that’s what it is because the reviews are really good.

— THE MUSIC + SCENERY

unfortunately, there’s no music. although they let you know of that aspect at the beginning of the story, it still bums me out a little.

the sceneries are kind of boring, most are just old recycled backgrounds that i’ve seen a million times before, but the driving animation looks really fantastic (you know, when the love interest is driving)! it’s a different pov, the mc is in the backseat rather than the passenger AND the steering wheel is finally on the left. yippee-ki-yay! i know the steering wheel is usually on the right in japan, but as an american, i was very happy to see it on the left. that right side steering wheel irked me so much for some reason. it’s such a small detail but it brought me so much joy.

so, will i buy one of the main stories? maybe, mostly because i’m genuinely intrigued by where this story’s going to go. i’ll probably buy yoshiki’s main story, or hisashi’s main story, when it comes out. motoki looks to be my type, but i don’t know anything so far about his personality, so i couldn’t say for certain.

have you already bought any of the main stories? if so, what did you think? let me know!

[ussjellyfish]

sightseeing pt 2 | Philinda | AoS | explict

Melinda and Phil catch up, in a gorgeous cabin in the middle of nowhere.

read on ao3

He kisses her neck, pressing her up against the wall of the cabin beside the door while she's trying to remember what pocket her keys are in. His hand slips inside her leather jacket, running up her stomach and she probably can't say her name right now, much less which pocket. He tugs up her sweater, teasing and then she remembers. They're in the middle of fucking nowhere. It's not locked. She reaches back, opening the door. 

Laughing, he pulls back from her neck. "Director of SHIELD Academy, huh?"

"Shut up."

Phil brushes his thumb across her lips, grinning. "Make me."

She can think of several far better uses for his mouth and she doesn't even have to feel bad about his back. He doesn't get sore anymore, does he? They were a little wild in Tahiti, a few times, she could never really let go because she was so close to losing him and towards the end his heart just wasn't--

She shuts her eyes, takes a breath, and lets him slide her jacket off of her shoulders. Melinda tugs his jacket down his shoulders and shuts the door with her foot. Now she locks it because she's going to let anyone or anything ruin this. They're not leaving this room until morning: aliens, Avengers, mercenaries, and governments can all go to hell. Phil kisses her hard against the door, lifting her a little off the floor. 

She wraps a leg around his, tugging him closer, tighter. Desire licks at her senses, demanding, begging. She still can't feel him. Maybe that's good, knowing how much he wants her might make it harder to have any kind of control. Melinda relaxes a little, reaches out with her wanting, letting it slip into him the same way her tongue slides into his mouth. 

He stops, hand on her breast, mouth on hers and holds her against the wall. "Melinda?"

"Just checking." 

"Guess that didn't go away." He shuts his eyes, and she offers more. Particularly the aching, desperate want pooling hot between her legs. "Fuck."

"That's the idea."

"May--" Her sweater's up over her head, then off. He smirks at her camisole, then slips that off as well. Pausing over her bra, he pretends to fumble with the back, for old time's sake, then drops it to the floor like an empty clip from a smoking gun. His thumb runs over her nipple, teasing, taunting before he follows it with his mouth. He was enamoured with her breasts in Tahiti, toying with them for hours in the starlight. They'd both been so gentle, wrapped up in each other for the time they had, grieving while they began something they should have started decades ago. 

He inhales, then blinks. Dammit, she didn't intend to send that, that grief's still too raw. 

"Sorry."

"No, don't be," he pauses, then unbuttons his shirt. There's no scar on his chest, no marks, no weaknesses. "I'm not going to leave you."

She shoves him back towards the bed, kissing as she forces him down. With him beneath her, she runs her hands over his chest, resting them on his heart. Was that why he stayed away? Why he didn't visit? Why did she had to track him down in a village with no roads? He shifts his hips beneath her, reminding her how much she loves him in jeans. 

Phil pulls her down, rolling over, pressing her chest against his. Her heart thuds in her ears and she doesn't have to worry that his heart is still beating. She doesn't have to hold that fear in the back of her mind, he'll out live her for once. 

Her eyes sting and again they pause, staring at each other. 

"Are you sharing this on purpose?" Phil asks, stroking her cheek. His eyes are as damp as hers and though her body wants, her chest aches and her eyes are traitors on their own. 

"No, no, I just--" If he'd just fuck her they could skip this part, but that's not them. There's no version of them where this is easy, where she can put her feelings away into neat boxes. "I'm sorry."

"Please don't." He holds her hips, fingers toying with her skin. "I don't know what happened in Tahiti, I've heard stories, Jemma and Daisy tried to fill me in. I've read your report, but I wasn't there. I haven't been through that, I haven't seen what it did to you and I'm so sorry."

"We were happy."

"I know." He sits up, cradling her against his chest. Phil reaches for her trousers, undoing the button, then the clasp and guiding them off her hips. He flips them, pressing her against the bed while they take off his jeans together. "I don't want to intrude."

"That's not how it is." 

He nuzzles her chest, his mouth deliciously close to her nipple. "Then tell me."

Again. "You're you, and I buried you a couple times, and I love you and I would very much like you to fuck me."

"Eloquent.'

"I do my best."

He closes his mouth around her nipple and sucks, warm and teasing. How does she put words what they had? The words in her head are too much.  I dream about you. I wake up remembering your head between my thighs. I felt your heart stop. I cried myself hoarse over your body. I lived and you didn't and then your face killed me too.

He kisses his way across her chest, brushing the other nipple with his nose before he tastes it. "Why is that so easy for you to say?"

She raises up on her elbows, smirking. "Fuck me?"

"You love me."

"It's true."

"But I wasn't there. I know we went to Tahiti, and we were together, but I know that because Jemma put it into my head."

"You don't love me?" She asks it lightly, playfully, and he's nearly naked between her thighs, so she can kill him if he lies. 

"May."

"You haven't said it."

"I must have."

"You did, eventually."

"Eventually?"

She squirms, rolling her hips against his enough that his cheeks start to go pink. "You take your time."

"Is that a hint?"

"We have all night." She chuckles, guiding his hands to her hips. "I don't know why it's so hard for you to say."

He kisses her neck, then her collarbone on his way back to her breasts. Together they slip off her panties, tossing them aside as he sits up enough to peel his boxer briefs off of his very erect penis. They can take their time later, now they've wasted so much of it already. She reaches down, stroking him lightly enough to be maddening. 

He gasps, laughing into her breasts. "You're still very intimidating."

"That's it?"

"Isn't that enough?" His teeth brush her breast. 

She sighs, rocking her hips against his thigh. "Even naked?"

"Much more intimidating naked." Phil kisses his way down, licking, exploring. Just like he did, a lifetime ago, when the air was warm and smelt of flowers. He strokes down her inner thigh, tracing, taunting. "I don't feel worthy." 

He kisses her hip, then nuzzles inward. 

"You don't have to earn it." 

"I haven't."

His hands part her thighs, making space for him to taste her. It's the same look, that gentleness, that awe-- 

She leans back, shutting her eyes. Melinda aches, wet and tight and hot. He won't get it any other way. So she opens her mind, her heart and lets it rush over him. He falters, gasping against her thigh. Even as tech, he can feel it, she knows he must.

He licks, starting low, his tongue soft against her. She opens her eyes, panting, fisting her hands into the bedsheets. 

Sending love was easy, and maybe she's made him too gentle. Melinda lets her impatience seep out, running over him like static.

"Okay, okay." He squeezes her hips with his fingers, then his fingers slip inside, curling deep. He presses against her g-spot and sparks erupt in her vision. "You're cheating." His thumb runs over her clit, making her gasp. That intrigues him, sets off his competitive side. She whimpers, arches her back a little and then his mouth finds her clit and he's perfect, warm, teasing, and rough. He plays his fingers with his mouth, finding a rhythm with her hips and he could stop, he could leave her moaning, but he's a completionist.

Perfectionist. 

He works her with fingers and tongue until heat explodes behind her eyes, cascades down her body. She shivers, fingers wrapped in his hair. It stings how familiar it is. She's been here before, beneath him, wrapped up in him, panting and smiling and enamoured. Yet, it's new for him. That smile was Phil's smile the first time he brought her to orgasm, and it's his again. 

His erection presses against her thigh and she can almost feel his need. She can't, of course, yet desire swells within her. She reaches down, caresses him, then guides him in. Her teeth still tingle and her body's still on the edge of orgasm, yet this is right. They need to touch, to connect, to join--

He starts to roll them over, moving her on top and she grabs his chin. 

"It's all right."

He nods, eyes meeting hers. Phil kisses her, and he tastes of her. She pulls him deep into her mouth, inside, and his eyes darken. 

"Melinda."

"With me." Her hand cups his cheek, his eyes meet hers. He thrusts and she tilts her hips, taking him in, meeting him. 

He shudders, balances on his elbows. He radiates desire, joy, something--]

Phil returns his mouth to her breast and she laughs. 

"Don't get distracted now." 

"Never."

Rocking her hips back takes him deeper in, tighter and he thrusts, eyes wide and dark. Faster. She tightens around her, squeezes, runs her fingers up his neck. He starts to kiss her neck and she pulls his face back. He needs to look at her, needs to see. Maybe it'll help him believe. He starts to tremble, panting, moaning her name. Pleasure builds, cresting, climbing, and she touches him, sharing her contentment, her affection.

Love sends him over. He crashes, falling, joining them with sweat and heat. She wasn't sure if he was that advanced, but he feels like him as he softens within her. 

"Was that?"

"Not intentional."

"Just carried away in the moment?"  

"It was a nice moment." She kisses him slowly, lingering. Slipping off the bed she ducks into the bathroom and returns, grabbing a bottle of water. She takes a drink, then passes it over. Their fingers touch and he holds her hand, then kisses her wrist. 

"You're incredible."

"We're just getting started." 

"Oh?"

"I hear your endurance is fairly advanced."

"I haven't really tested this part of it."

"Then we'll need to do some work." She takes a long drink of water, then sets the bottle aside. "Seems like you need a thorough evaluation of your abilities."

"And you're up to the challenge?" 

Melinda shoves him to the bed, mounting him and grinning. "I'm the Cavalry, if anyone can handle you, it's me." 

Phil chuckles, raising his hands. She winds their fingers together, rocking him hips over him as he starts to stiffen beneath her. 

"I love you."

"See, that wasn't so bad."

"Are you sure the world didn't end?"

She glances at the window, smiling at the pine trees. "It's all falling apart out there." 

"Yeah?"

"Definitely, we should stay here." She slides off of him, kneeling on the bed as she kisses her way down his stomach. He had a turn, so it's only fair. 

[tinalostgirl]

Three Way | Jolina

Who: Tina, @jofabray, and @submissivedjberry

What: Threesome

Where: Jo’s Suite

Jo was excited, but the excitement couldn't help but be tempered by caution. This would be the first time that she'd had two submissives under orders, and the first time that DJ would see her interact with someone else in a private setting.  Added to that was the knowledge that Tina saw submission very differently than DJ did, and with all of that together it formed a potentially dangerous mix.  But Jo was bound and determined that they were going to have fun together.  That Tina would see a D/s relationship that was built on healthy respect, and that DJ would see that she had nothing to fear if she shared Jo's affections with someone else. "Y'all ready, darlin'?" she asked softly, laying a hand on DJ's shoulder as she knelt in front of the couch.  "We're gonna have fun.  All of us, I promise."

DJ was a little anxious about the day ahead. Yes, it had been her idea. And yes, she still wanted the day to happen. But there was a little bit of tension surrounding the day because she didn't know what to expect. This was the first time that DJ would have to share, and see, Jo's attentions and care being focused on anyone but herself and that was a bit nervewracking; especially after she had seen cute words between Tina and Jo. Regardless though, she didn't want to be the one that ruined what could be a very fun day and so she was determined to do her best to not overreact to anything. She just hoped that Tina was showing up that day for her...as much as she was for Jo. She glanced up when she felt the hand resting on her shoulder, letting out a slow breathe and nodding once. "As ready as I'm going to be, Miss." She fought against calling her 'my Miss', not sure if that would be proper throughout the day and feeling like she needed the practice. "We're going to have fun." She repeated.

Tina honestly didn't know what she had gotten herself into. All she knew was that she really liked spending time with Jo and she really liked spending time with DJ and while the math made sense in her head, she couldn't help feeling in the pit of her stomach. Something told her this was going to be different than any other time she was with them, or at least with Jo, and she still hadn't decided if that was a good or bad thing. Who knew what the blonde, who she previously thought was out of her league, had in store for her. Knocking on the door, she shook nervously, playing with her hair to keep her occupied. But all the nervous energy in the world couldn't have stopped her from smiling when the blonde appeared. She instantly looked for DJ when she made herself inside, a little taken a back by the kneeling girl. "Oh, hey." Tina flopped down on the couch and propped her feet on the table. "So what do we have planned for today?"

Jo knew there was a gossamer-thin line to walk in managing both Tina and DJ.  They were very different people, very different submissives, and they both needed a particular touch to make sure that not only did they both enjoy the day that was to come, but that neither of them felt left out or unfairly treated.  It was only a single day, but it would be an important test of how well she could manage the care of two submissives and whether a double claim was something to look forward to in the future. "Dalia, y'all can go ahead and join Tina on the couch."  She didn't want her feeling like she was somehow subservient to Tina, or less than because she was kneeling while Tina sat comfortably.  Jo took a seat on a chair opposite the couch, favoring them both with a smile.  "Well, that very much depends on what everyone is feelin' like.  We got video games, we got movies, cards, anythin' we'd like to amuse us all for a bit.  And if everyone's in the mood later, we can talk about retirin' to the bedroom.  I'd like to hear from each of ya, though, what y'all would like to do."

"Hey." The easy go lucky aura about Tina and the way that she just dropped onto the couch was something that DJ had been expecting. She knew that Tina's beliefs were much different than her own, leading her actions to be much different as well. However, it did feel off now that she was kneeling at another submissive's feet. She was grateful when Jo told her that she could get onto the couch as well and claimed her spot with a smile, resting her chin on her knees. This was the start of their day and she was certainly interested in seeing how it was going to turn. She hoped it turned out well. Listening to the options laid out in front of her, DJ smiled. They all sounded pretty lovely. "That and sounds pretty great. Though I admit that you two will probably be much better at video games than I am if we go that route." She joked, having not played a lot of them throughout her life. "And...I am very intrigued about the prospect of retiring to the bedroom at some point." DJ wasn't sure if that's where they would end up, but damn if it didn't sound good. Both girls she was spending the day with were gorgeous and had both proved to be great in bed, so time with both of them was almost certain to be electric.

Tina wasn't used to... talking things through. She was a very impulsive and just acted on how she felt, but she would give this a try. She didn't even notice the weird difference in dynamic between her and DJ until Jo told the other girl she could join Tina on the couch. At least she didn't ask Tina to kneel. She bit at her bottom lip and picked at her cuticles as she listened to her option. "I'm honestly good with anything. And I'm definitely good with 'retiring to the bedroom later'," she confirmed. "You're such a proper lady when you speak, Jo, I love it. I would have just said 'fuck' but now it just sounds crude." Tina chuckled to try and hide her nervousness. "You pick, Miss. You're the 'Domme here, right?"

Jo snorted.  "I'm not a southern belle for nothin', darlin'.  Okay, that's a lie, I was never actually a belle, but you get my point.  And I am, but that doesn't mean I don't ask for opinions sometimes either.  Sounds like we're good to start with some games, though, and not to worry darlin' girl," she winked at DJ, "I think we can find something we'll all be pretty competitive at."  She hadn't used the system much since she got it, but it was turning out to be a good investment.  "I'll get us set up - if y'all are hungry or thirsty, ya can both go grab somethin' from the kitchen before we get rolling."

Hearing Jo call Tina 'darlin' didn't bug her quite as much as she thought it would, and she hoped that that was a good sign for the day that was to come."Thanks, Miss!" DJ stood up from the couch and grabbed Tina's hand to tug her into the kitchen as well with a cheeky grin. "The snacks are in that cupboard if you want to grab something not so healthy. There's some chips, some popcorn, and some candy I'm pretty sure!" She turned to the fridge and glanced inside, grabbing herself a soda and one for Jo as well. "Did you want a drink, Tina?"

Tina watched the exchange between DJ and Jo with envy. There was natural chemistry there and they looked at each other with puppy dog eyes. Tina wanted someone to look at her like that. She was lost in thought, but Jo's voice brought her out of it. "Huh? Oh yeah," she replied when she felt DJ tug on her hand. She followed with no hesitation, finally breathing when they were in the kitchen. "You guys are so cute," she commented before pulling some popcorn out of the cupboard and throwing it into the microwave. "So how did you know she was the one? Also, your full name is Dalia? That's so pretty, why don't you go by that?" The soft popping could be heard in the background.

Sending both of them into the kitchen wasn't without an ulterior motive: if the day was going to be fun for all of them, there had to be some time for DJ and Tina to be together but apart from her.  This was a simple one, and she hoped that it would spark a conversation that they could carry on through the day.  Jo didn't linger or watch, turning instead to the TV and digging some controllers out of the cupboard of the TV stand before starting her console.  She decided on Crash Team Racing, which looked goofy and accessible enough that none of them had to be experts to enjoy it.  And unless Tina was secretly a shark then hopefully they'd be starting at the same skill level as well.

She blushed slightly when Tina said that they were cute, clearing her throat slightly. "Thank you, she's pretty special." DJ expressed, biting down on her bottom lip. "When did I know that she was the one...I think it was kind of a gradual thing, really. But there was a moment when we were camping where it just became clear that this was something that we both wanted. And that...we'd start trying to make steps towards it." DJ said honestly. It wasn't to rub it in Tina's face or anything of the like, but she didn't want to lie either. Plus, she was far from ashamed of what she and Jo were working towards. "But I do know that I might not be her only claim, so that's always kind of in the back of my head to." DJ expressed as she pulled another drink for Tina, kind of throwing that notion out there for Tina's sake as well. "My full first name is actually Dalia-Joy. And mostly just because I like the sound of DJ. And I like the thought of only people I'm close to getting to call me Dalia or Dalia-Joy, I guess."

Tina tried to act like she wasn't phased, but she hung on the other girl's every word. Not that she ever saw herself entering an actual claim, but she's always yearned for someone to call her own. Though actual jealousy filled her chest when DJ referenced the camping trip, but only because it contained a special moment for her in regards to Jo. And while she recognized that the feeling was completely ridiculous, she still couldn't stop it. She hid it as well as she could and just focused on moving to something else. "No worries, I'm gonna always and forever call you Deej." She forced a smile and was saved by the beeping of the microwave. "Thanks for the drink, by the way. I wonder what game she set up for us," Tina commented as they moved back into the living room with the snacks.

As DJ and Tina busied themselves in the kitchen Jo made sure everything was set up and ready, pairing all of the controllers and testing them out before turning her chair a little to make sure she had a good view of the TV - normally she sat in it to read or study, so it was turned the other way a little.  She'd done her best not to listen in to any of the conversation from the kitchen, an effort helped by the hum of the microwave, and so when they made their way back to the living room she didn't have to concern herself with anything except that they'd been talking like she hoped. Setting both of the other controllers on the table, Jo kept player one for herself and smiled as they found their way back.  "Went with a racin' game.  Hopefully none of us are secretly pros, so we can all be awful together."

Tina saying that she would forever call her ‘Deej’ seemed like she was setting herself apart from someone that could ever mean a lot to DJ and DJ didn’t know what to think about that. Clearly she had said something wrong and she wondered if she should have changed her answer in some way. She didn’t like the look that had formed on Tina’s face for a brief moment and she let out a soft sigh, her shoulders dropping slightly as the other submissive turned and headed out to the living room, almost like she was rushing away from DJ and their conversation. “You’re welcome.” Tina walking away caused a sharp...something...leading her to wonder yet again if Tina was only there that day for the chance to hang out with Jo and she followed her into the living room. She placed the drinks down on the table and then curled up on the couch, wrapping her arms around her legs and letting her chin find her knees again, trying to push aside her inner thoughts, knowing she was probably being ridiculous.

Tina was impulsive. She had been her whole life and she was sure that Jo and DJ already knew this about her. She was feeling - icky. She didn't know how to describe it, but something was off and it was making Tina anxious. She didn't like being anxious and she felt like she needed to do something to break the tension in the room. She didn't know how to express her feelings with words, but she could use her actions. So as DJ settled on the couch, Tina approached her and pulled her into a heated kiss. She sighed and smiled at her before backing away and doing the same with Jo, hoping she wasn't crossing any boundaries. She let out a sigh of content before plopping down onto the floor. She felt better already. "Okay, now we can relax. Racing you said, right? Let's do this. I'm so gonna wipe the floor with you two!"

There was no mistaking DJ's posture, at least not for someone who'd spent as much time with her as Jo.  "Thank you for the drink, darlin' girl," she started, ready to press a little and try to figure out what was suddenly bothering her, when Tina made a move that Jo hadn't expected in the least.  And while she wouldn't necessarily have admitted it aloud, Jo could hardly deny that watching the two of them together was a very nice sight.  Just as suddenly, Tina was pulling her into a kiss as well - one that left her breathless and flushed.  That had certainly changed the mood in the room, and Jo hoped that it might have taken DJ's mind off of whatever was troubling her.  "Racin'," she confirmed, still a little dazed.  "In that case, I'm gonna have to take you down."

She knew that she was going to have to pull herself out of the mood, she far from wanted to be the thing that brought everyone else down; and she also didn't want to get stuck in her head, because that was something that she was trying to work on. She didn't have too much time to think though, before Tina's lips were pressing firmly against her own and a gasp was pulled from her lips. She responded in kind though, even if she was a little lost as to what brought it on. She wasn't going to complain. Her eyes darkened slightly as she watched Tina kiss Jo next, biting down on her bottom lip. For the first time that she was seeing Jo kiss someone else, she really couldn't complain too much about it. She may have been a little pouty that she wasn't getting a kiss from Jo too, but she knew she'd get one soon. She reached for her own control and giggled softly. "Let's do this." She knew that she was probably going to lose, but she didn't really care.

Tina was aware that her impulses wasn't going to do all the work, but at least she felt better and they all seemed to relax a bit. The video game was good because it gave her something physical to focus on instead of staring at the way Jo and DJ interacted. It's exactly why she sat on the floor, so they would be out of her sight. Her thoughts threatened to get away from her again, but the game pulled her focus. It's like Jo knew what she was doing or something. She loved Mario Kart and she chose Yoshi like she always did and sat up straight when the countdown began. As the game proceeded, Tina tried to hold back, but proceeded to talk trash like she always did, even standing up as the race came to and end. The final result: Tina came in dead last and while she was super competitive, she actually didn't mind. "That was fun!"

Jo was actually worse than she thought at the game - partly inexperience, and partly because her eyes flicked regularly toward DJ and Tina to make sure that everyone was still enjoying themselves.  But that was alright, because every single time she crashed headlong into the track it made her laugh, and the lighthearted trash talk around the room was neither serious nor too intense.  Somehow, by the time she crossed the finish line she was in front of Tina, but it still felt like that had to be some sort of mistake.  Still giggling, she shook her head at her own performance.  "That was great," she agreed with a laugh.  "Where'd you finish up, darlin'?" she called over to DJ - Jo had missed the standings while she was laughing at herself.  "Think you might have whooped us both at that one."

DJ put all of her focus into the game. She didn't want to focus on Tina and get lost in her thoughts and she didn't want to focus on Jo and get lost in different thoughts. And so getting to focus only on the TV was her method of action. She'd never really played this game before and it must have been some sort of beginner's luck that placed her in front of both Tina and Jo. But somehow she had made it happen. She giggled and shrugged. "I came in fourth. Better than I thought I would have!" She exclaimed, reaching out to grab some popcorn and pop it into her mouth.

Tina forgot she was trying to keep her body trained forward and immediately turned around after the game, dropping the controller and sitting on the coffee table so she could better see Jo and DJ. She nibbled on some popcorn as well, her eyes drifting back and forth between the pair. "I mean fourth place is not bad for a newbie." Tina reached over to pound fists with DJ but her lack of focus caused her to hit the bowl and knock the bowl of popcorn all over the ground. "Shit," she whispered before falling to the ground to pick up her mess. "Sorry."

"Nicely done!  Ya cleaned both our clocks by the sounds of it, so y'all did pretty great."  It was a relief to hear her giggle, and Jo hoped that whatever had dampened her mood briefly was long forgotten now.  When the contents of the bowl fell and scattered, Jo was quick to respond.  "It's alright, Tina, don't stress about it - it's just a spill.  Dalia, could y'all go and get the broom and the dustpan and give Tina a hand there?"  Given how upset the submissive was, Jo wanted to help ease her mind a little by involving DJ.  Her girl knew how to make people feel better, and that was a talent that Jo needed just then.

The bowl hitting the ground had been a shock but when she saw the look on Tina's face, she winced. "It's all good. I've got you." DJ said, rushing to grab what Jo had asked of her. "Here, Tina. I can sweep if you hold the dust pan." DJ handed it to her and shot her an easy grin, hoping that it would help ease her. She got to work, sweeping up the mess easily. It was a quick mess to clean. And she hoped Tina didn't worry about it for too long.

Tina was beyond embarrassed. She knew the mess wasn't a big deal, but she couldn't help but feel wild and unkept in contrast to Jo and DJ's well kept aura. She kicked herself both internally and externally but complied, falling back to sit as she held the dust pan in place, helping DJ pick it all up. She couldn't even fake a smile this time. "I know the popcorn isn't a big deal. I'm just always all over the place you know? And you two are just so perfect and then there's your perfect little relationship. Ugh. Sorry, maybe I should just go..." Tina just didn't know how to express what she was feeling. She didn't even know what she was feeling. And running away was always easier when it came to dealing with her own problems.August 22, 2020

"Whoa, whoa," Jo said softly, shaking her head.  "I'm not goin' to force ya to stay, Tina, but I'd prefer it if you didn't go.  We both would.  I think maybe y'all have an idealized version of us in your head, because we are not perfect.  We're the furthest thing from.  We're here, learnin' and strugglin' the same way you are.  There's nothin' wrong with bein' all over the place, if that's who y'all are."  She hesitated for a moment.  "If it were Dalia feelin' like you are right now, I'd get her to kneel for a few minutes.  To relax, and find her center.  I know that wouldn't help you, though, so I'll offer a few options." She gestured to the spare room.  "There's a bed in there that you can have to yourself for a few minutes.  Lay there, scream into the pillows, punch them, whatever you want.  Or y'all can have the couch to yourself while you calm down.  And if none of that works for ya, then you can tell me what might help."

DJ looked up sharply when Tina said that she thought that maybe she should leave. That's not what she wanted at all. But she also knew it couldn't be just about what she wanted. If Tina needed space to breathe, and that included leaving, then DJ wouldn't want to stop her from getting what she needed. DJ just hoped that they could help her here. "Not perfect." She assured, shaking her head, but she didn't add more than that. Jo seemed to be doing well and she didn't want to overstep, so she just kept her soft and caring gaze on the other submissive. Jo giving Tina a few options caused a small smile to form on her lips, Jo was just so incredible.

Did Tina make it seem like that big of a deal? Cause in her mind, she was just spewing the first things that came to mind, most of which she would try to forget. "No. No." She shook her head and stood up. "It's not that big a deal. I'll stay. It's just... weird. I'm weird. Ignore me." She waved her hand in the air as if it would dismiss the feeling in her chest. She was grateful that Jo was willing to work with her and gave her options, which she appreciated, but it only made her feel worse. She moved to the couch and flopped down onto it before pulling DJ into her lap. Physical closeness was something that always made her feel better. "I think being here is just starting to get to me," she admitted in a small voice, her fingers idly playing with DJ's. She looked at their connected hands intently, not wanting to make eye contact with either of the two women.

Jo was patient - it was one of her defining traits - and she waited as Tina seemed to be trying to sort out her feelings and explain them to herself, even if the explanation didn't quite make sense to the rest of them.  It made her happy that having DJ be close seemed to provide her with some kind of comfort, and Jo was content to let the two of them enjoy each other's company as she waited for more words.  And then, quietly, came what she thought might be at the heart of the matter. "Here as in this room, darlin'?  Or here as in the Institute?"  What she said in reply would have a great deal to do with what Jo's response might be.

"Not weird. It's okay to be having feelings that you can't fully explain. I get that way too. More than I'd like to admit." She didn't fight as she was pulled onto Tina's lap. If her being close was something that could help her, she wasn't going to argue against it. The hand that wasn't being toyed with, lifted to drag her nails lightly against the back of the other's neck. She was worried about what Tina's answer to Jo's question would be, pressing her lips against the other submissive's cheek, hoping to add some comfort in whatever way that she could

This was not how Tina envisioned the night going and she wanted to end this pity party as soon as possible, but the pit in her stomach was far too noticeable to ignore. "Being here at the institute," Tina admitted easily. At least that part was something she knew. "I get lonely and self absorbed and way to fixated on things I shouldn't be fixated on. I fall for people way too easily and when everyone is looking for the opposite of what I want, it just leaves me feeling bad and alone." She huffed and pressed her face into the crook of DJ's neck. Can you come here, Jo? Maybe you guys can like smother me until I feel better?"

Jo was so proud of DJ, and the way that she used her own experience to relate to Tina in a way that might help make her feel better.  "I see - thank you for explainin', Tina.  When you say that people want the opposite of what y'all want, do you mean a traditional claim?  Whatever the case may be, though, I do want y'all to know you're not alone.  We're here."  At the request, she smiled.  "Yeah, darlin', I think we can do that."  Jo squeezed into the available space on the couch, wrapping herself around Tina until she could touch DJ with both hands.  "Take as long as ya need."

Hearing that Tina felt lonely, she frowned slightly. "You're definitely not alone, beautiful. Not at all. I'm sorry that you've ended up feeling that way though." She said softly. She hated that the girl felt that way and wished she could do something to change it. When Tina nuzzled into her neck, DJ hummed softly, playing with her hair and staying settled against her. If cuddles were what Tina needed to feel better, then cuddles she would get. DJ was just glad that she wasn't determined to leave.

When Jo joined them and wrapped her arms around both her and DJ, she sighed with relief. It was like a weighted blanket had been wrapped around her. "I don't want to talk about it anymore." Tina knew she was being blunt but at least she was being honest, right? She just sat there, enjoying the closeness she didn't realize she was craving so much. Tina didn't know how to put it into words, but she appreciated how DJ and Jo reacted to her little outburst. That whole situation could have turned out completely different, but she was reminded why she liked them so much. Can we get back to the fun stuff now?"

Jo nodded against her.  "Alright, darlin'.  We won't talk about it any more, then."  They weren't in the sort of relationship that she could demand answers, and from a personality like Tina she knew it wouldn't do any good even if they were.  If there came a point that she wanted to talk about what was on her mind, then she would, and until then there was nothing to be gained in pushing the issue.  It felt good, holding both DJ and Tina in her arms, and Jo smiled at the question.  "I think that can be arranged.  What fun stuff did y'all have in mind?"

"No more talking." DJ agreed, fingers trailing through her hair as Tina seemed to drink in the attention that she was getting from both DJ and Jo. DJ knew that it would probably be better for Tina to talk about it, but if she wasn't ready, then trying to force her wouldn't help anything at all. In fact, that could just make it worse. And DJ far from wanted to make anything worse for the other. She grinned at the mention of getting back to the fun stuff and nodded. "That sounds like a good idea." She agreed, pressing a kiss to Tina's cheek. "More video games or something else?"

Tina was a little worried that Jo was going to push the issue so she felt immediate relief when she let it go. What Tine really needed was people who could roll with the punches so she appreciated that both DJ and Jo seemed to fit that mold. Tina mulled over both of their questions even though she already knew what she really wanted. "How about something like this?" She asked before pulling Jo in for a fierce kiss, breaking every barrier she could with her tongue, all the while her hand gripping at DJ's thigh.

Jo inhaled sharply as Tina pulled her into a kiss, tongue exploring her mouth without hesitation or resistance.  In turn she reached behind the submissive for DJ, pulling her a little closer so that when they came apart she could pull her close enough for a kiss of their own even as her hand reached out to cup Tina's breast.  They were going to need to relocate from the couch if this went any further, but Jo was content to remain where she was for that moment.

Her eyes widened again when Tina tugged Jo into a kiss, she certainly hadn't been expecting that, but she was learning to expect the unexpected when it came to Tina. And there was something...thrilling about that fact. DJ was someone who followed the rules, did what she was told, and didn't jump where she hadn't been told to. Tina on the other hand, jumped and then let things fall where they may and it was intriguing. She moaned as she was tugged into a kiss by the blonde, heart jumping the way it did at every kiss from the Domme. Her fingers were still tangled in Tina's hair, and she couldn't help but draw Tina to her lips next when Jo had pulled back.

Her kiss with Jo was hungry and physically showed her yearning for affection and to just be consumed with them enough do that she could forget all her problems. Witnessing the passion between DJ and Jo only made that hunger stronger and by the time she was kissing DJ, she was moaning into her mouth, hands cupping the other girl’s face before fumbling down her torso so reach beneath her shirt.

As Tina occupied herself with DJ, Jo sat back just a little to get a better view.  She hadn't expected just how hot it was going to be to watch her girl with someone, and it was so much better that it was Tina.  She watched with eager eyes, slowly removing her own top and finally laying a hand on each of their shoulders.  "We're gonna head for the bedroom, gorgeous girls.  Y'all need more room than this couch."  For motivation she reached between them and gently squeezed their breasts, indicating the way to the bedroom with a jerk of her head.  "C'mon."

She whined as she had to pull away from the kiss, but when she saw Jo shirtless before her and listened to her words, she really couldn't complain. Her chest arched forward at the squeeze of her breast and she whimpered. She then slipped off of Tina's lap and grasped her hand, leading Tina towards the bedroom. She dropped Tina's hand as she stepped inside and pulled her own top over head and tossing it to the side to deal with after. Her bra didn't remain on her body for much longer either, the need welling inside of her like a flame that had been ignited by gas.

With her senses heightened like this, it was easy to get lost in the moment and really dive in and escape from the world for a little while. It was why she liked sex so much. And if that feeling could easily be met with one partner, she knew it would be explosive with two. Tina also whines when DJ was pulled away and she was instantly seeking that warmth again. She followed like a lost puppy, stripping out of all of her clothes. Tina wasn’t eloquent in the least and nearly stumbled as she tried to get rid of her jeans. She licked her lips at the sight of DJ’s bare chest and instantly closed in on her, dipping down so she could wrap her mouth around her taut nipple while her hand squeezed the other.

Jo was enjoying the show, and she was in no hurry to break it up.  There would be time for her to be involved afterward, but for now she simply wanted to relax and watch two beautiful women be with each other.  "Very nice," she murmured softly, watching the two of them divest themselves of their clothing and head for the bed in stuttering steps.  Jo stripped off as well, but she lingered at the end of the bed to watch.  It only took a few moments for her fingers to find a path between her legs, rubbing in hard, fast circles over her clit.

As Tina's attentions focused on her nipples, DJ made a point of pushing down her pants and panties, wriggling out of them with some struggle. However, she felt very proud of her self when she was able to step out of them. One hand found the back of Tina's head once again keeping her in place. Her other hand found Tina's waist and one of her knees slipped between Tina's thigh, drawing her against her. "You're so good with your mouth. Fuck."

This was something Tina was always confident in. She knew a woman's body, inside and out and knew what signs to look for. As they stumbled back on the bed, DJ's knee pressed against her core deliciously but she was far more focused on the other girl's pleasure than her own at the moment. She smirked up at DJ as she cascaded down her body, hand steady on her breast so she could continue flicking her nipple. She kissed her hip bones, then her inner thighs, before finally landing on her sweet pussy.

Moaning softly as she watched the two women play, Jo continued to work herself up - she didn't intend on letting herself cum, because that would be much more fun if it was at one of their hands.  While she wore a Dominant mark, though, Jo was still very much human, and she wasn't capable of watching a display like the one in front of her without touching herself.  There was no question in her mind that DJ would ask for her orgasm when the time came, and she had every intention of granting the request before they both did something special for Tina.

The feeling of Tina above her was a welcomed one. Each touch of her hand, each caress of her lips, drew DJ into a state of pleasure. She could feel Jo watching them, could hear the soft sounds coming from her and that just magnified everything that she was experiencing. Her hips arched upwards as lips pressed against her sensitive inner thighs and she gasped at the first touch of Tina's tongue to her slit. One hand shot down and tangled in Tina's hair as she other gripped at the bed spread. "Oh fuck...yes."

This was so much easier for Tina to give into. Her focus was completely on DJ and her pleasure. She gripped her hips to keep her still as she worked her way from her outer lips to her core. Once she was spread open, Tina moved her tongue expertly from her opening to her clit, then stroking up and down. The sounds coming from above only made her smirk as she continued to work her closer to her edge, but not without some teasing first. She even spelled out 'so fucking hot' with her tongue against her folds before finally pressing her tongue into DJ's opening and fucking her with it.

Once Jo had neared her edge she slowed the movement of her fingers, watching just how well Tina was taking care of DJ.  She'd known they wouldn't scene in the traditional sense, but it was exactly what she'd have asked for out of one - for Tina to look after DJ and give her everything she needed, and to make sure that Tina had an equally good time.  And then, perhaps, for both of them to take care of her at the same time.  But the order of events was flexible, and Jo looked forward to seeing how it all played out.

Tina's mouth was perfect. And the way that she held her down was something special as well. Being restrained was something she found super hot, so the simple hold enhanced the pleasure. The hand that had been gripping the blanket moved to toy with her nipples, pinching and tugging on them. "Mi-Miss Jo...can I please cum? Please?" DJ pleased, her hips rocking up into her face as best as she could. "Ye-yes...so good." She really hoped she got permission quickly because she was so incredibly close.

DJ's moans and whimpers were enough to make Tina soaked, and her sweet taste was almost enough to send her over the edge, but she managed to keep her focus on DJ though it was growing increasingly harder when she heard Jo moaning behind her. The the pleas slipped out of DJ's mouth and she was nearly thrown off. She only skipped a beat or two before peering up at her. She didn't think hearing DJ ask for permission to cum would be so hot. It only made Tina work harder, moving her hand to join her mouth, fucking DJ's opening as her mouth sucked on her clit.

The point of what they were doing wasn't teasing or denial, so when DJ asked for permission Jo smiled.  "Go ahead and cum for me, darlin' girl.  I want to hear you scream Tina's name when you cum."  Normally she'd have told DJ to thank Tina, but given the dynamic of the two subs together it seemed like that might be the wrong way to go.  Hopefully a good scream of appreciation would make Tina feel needed and wanted.

When Jo told her to scream, she nearly laughed. Because her name was exactly what was going to be pulled from DJ's lips unless Jo had ordered her to scream something else. She gasped loudly as Tina's fingers entered her and her mouth focused in on her clit. It didn't take much more from Tina's experienced fingers and mouth to bring her over the edge with a shout of Tina's name, her thighs trembling.

Tina kept her eyes trained on the girl above her as she was brought to the edge. There was something so serene about watching someone reach their peak. And for someone who was so quiet usually, DJ was a screamer and Tina loved that. Even after DJ reached her orgasm, Tina stayed where she was, lapping up the reward of her work with a moan. Her ears were ringing and her adrenaline pumping. She was worked up to the max and it showed with how she moved up her body to grab a forceful kiss. "Fuck you're hot," she commented before slapping her thigh lightly.

Jo moaned under her breath as Tina brought DJ over the edge, watching the way that they interacted afterward with curiosity.  Then, though, it was time for her to step in.  "That was a lot of fun to watch," she moved closer, setting a hand on each of the girls.  "But I think I'm through watchin'.  So DJ, I'd like if you made Tina feel as good as she did for you.  Tina, I'd like y'all between my thighs.  How's that sound to everyone, hmm?"  She was careful not to make it an order, not wanting to ruin the mood, but she definitely wanted things her way.

The slap to her thigh was a surprise, but she moaned in response, her chest heaving with the force of her breathing. She glanced to the side as Jo came up to them, licking her lips at the sight of her Domme. She was so incredibly beautiful. "Mm, it'd be my pleasure." She rolled them so that Tina's back hit the bed and she pressed their lips together for a brief moment before getting to her knees on the bed, waiting to see where Jo would place herself.

Tina was a selfish lover, and would have reached for Jo had she already no penetrated their space. Tina was in a daze, paired with two beautiful women. Once she was pushed back onto the bed, she was sure her brain was going to short circuit with the sight of DJ on the bed and Jo by the bed. It was almost too much, they were so fucking sexy. She liked that Jo knew exactly what she wanted and showed ho hesitation falling into whatever plan she had for all of them. "Wanna sit on my face?" She asked Jo with a smirk.

"I thought it might be," Jo winked.  She hadn't completely figured out her plan, so when Tina made a suggestion she was happy to take it.  "Ya know, I think I really would actually.  What an excellent plan."  Climbing onto the bed and taking a second to give DJ a long, slow kiss, Jo set each of her legs on one side of Tina's head and lowered herself, just a little.  "Make her feel good, darlin'," she smiled over her shoulder at DJ.  "I really wanna feel her moanin' into me."  She was close enough that Tina's warm breath was ticking wet folds, and Jo was more than a little eager to feel Tina touching her.

Her hand lifted to tangle in Jo's hair as the Domme kissed her, trying to keep her there for as long as possible, preening under the short amount of time that she had Jo's attention. She sighed as she pulled away and watched as Jo settled over Tina's mouth. She moved further down the bed so that she could settle between Tina's thighs. Her lips kissed along her lower stomach as her nails gently scratched along her thighs.

If Tina died that day, she would have been okay with that. This was a fantasy above fantasies. She didn't know what she did right for the universe to give her this. She was over stimulated and it was hard to focus on just one thing. Her palms were sweaty as she cupped Jo's ass, but that didn't stop her her gripping her hips as she flattened her tongue and moved it against the other woman's folds. It wasn't very consistent however, stopping abruptly every time DJ hit her clit, her hips pushing up into the other girl's mouth and moaning into Jo's thigh. "Fuck that feels so good. So fucking good." It was driving her crazy not being able to see DJ between her legs. She tried her best to focus on both of them but her deficit made it impossible. "Fuck I can't. It's too much. Deej that feels so fucking good. So good it's distracting me. Let me make Jo cum first please."

Jo wished she had something to grab onto, but in the interim she played with her own breasts as Tina's tongue began to work against her.  Each little pause in the motion was driving her crazy, and part of her was tempted to force things ahead - to insist that Tina could get there if she tried.  But this was meant to be fun for all of them and if she grew frustrated then it wouldn't be.  Reaching back, she put a hand on DJ and patted her gently.  "That's alright, darlin'.  While Tina does that, y'all can come up here and kiss me, please.  Then we'll see what we can do for her together."

When she had finished kissing along Tina's stomach, she let her mouth claim its prize as her tongue moved through Tina's folds, paying a fair amount of attention to her clit. She pouted slightly when Tina asked her to stop, a little startled by the change; itching and aching to have something to do. She wasn't sure if she'd be able to sit there and do nothing, a little worried that she'd get lost in her head if she was only allowed to watch. But it seemed like Jo knew that without ever having a discussion about it and she eased herself off of the bed so that she could move to the other side, chewing on the inside of her cheek and shuffling a little until she could climb onto the bed in front of Jo. Once there, she didn't waste time, leaning in to press her lips to the Domme's.

It was nearly enough to bring Tina out of the whole moment. It was just a reminder of her disability and another moment almost ruined. So while she stayed where she was and continued to work her mouth against Jo's folds, her eyes stung and tears fell, but she was determined not the ruin the moment. She she pushed past it and eventually got back into the swing of things when DJ moved to keep Jo company with some kisses. That was motivation enough to work her tongue harder, using her hands on Jo's hips to help aid her movements.

There was a moment of rearrangement, but it was hardly enough to throw Jo out of the mood she'd been in - as long as all of them could find a place that worked for them, that was all she was concerned about.  Even her own orgasm was a secondary concern to the encounter going well for all three of them.  Once DJ was in front of her she couldn't help but smile, tangling a hand in her hair and pulling her close.  The kisses were punctuated with moans and needy whimpers, and her hips gently rocked under Tina's grip as she was driven toward her climax.  "You're so good," she gasped, free hand reaching for Tina's hair and words directed at the both of them.  "Both so fucking good."

The smile that formed on Jo's lips caused a slight quirk of her own lips. It was hard not to smile when Jo smiled at her. Her hands rested on Jo's waist, not daring to move. She hadn't been given permission to touch, just to kiss. Hearing moans and whimpers coming from Jo that she wasn't the cause of would be something that would take some getting used to, but it wasn't a bad thing necessarily. Just new. Just like sharing attention with someone else. DJ was enjoying this encounter, she just had a need to be involved. In some way. She shivered at the words, feeling them reverberate throughout her. They always had a way of centering her.

The fact that neither of them stopped or brought any attention to Tina’s little moment of weakness was what allowed her to get back into the mood of the room. She refocused and put all of her effort into making Jo feel good. Tina even reached out to grab at DJ’s leg to feel connected to her as well. All the while her tongue moving against Jo’s clit with the hopes that she would fill her mouth with cum.

Jo was vocally appreciative when Tina redoubled her efforts - she didn't know for certain what had prompted the small interruption, but they would work around it together.  Once she'd found her own peak she and DJ would make damn sure that Tina was satisfied properly after everything she'd given them.  Pulling DJ against her once more, Jo moaned loudly against her mouth, breath hitching in her chest as Tina's tongue expertly traced her skin.  Whatever the encounter meant or didn't mean going forward, Jo had been deeply impressed by both submissives and the way that they'd behaved together.  With a loud cry, muffled by DJ's lips, Jo's orgasm crashed over her.  She pressed down harder against Tina's mouth, seeking more contact until the moment had passed, at which point she raised herself up a little to look down at the girl between her legs.  "Well that was amazin'."

Kissing the Domme was one of her favorite things. It always helped ease her and helped keep her in the moment. And this was no different. The sound of Jo falling over the edge was always an enjoyable one. There was nothing quite like it. And DJ was glad to find that she only felt a tiny twinge of jealousy that she hadn't been the one whose hand or mouth had brought her to climax. She sat back when Jo pulled away to look down at Tina, letting them have a moment, biting down on her bottom lip.

It was almost too distracting still, hearing Jo moan like that and feeling her move like that. Not to mention the way she looked above her, rolling her hips and her lips locked with DJ's. But she used that as a way to hone her energy and focus all onto Jo to make her feel as good as she possibly could. She moaned at the sensation of Jo cumming into her mouth, licking up every bit of her as she could. Tina smirked up at Jo, kissing her inner thigh before Jo was pulling back from her. "I'm glad you think so." Tina was giddy again, being able to taste both of cum on her lips. It was absolutely divine.

Giving DJ a quick squeeze, Jo slid down far enough to give Tina a kiss - one that let her taste herself and DJ on the girl's lips.  "I definitely think so, darlin'.  But see, now I have a problem.  See, DJ got to cum.  And I got to cum.  But there's still one person here who hasn't.  And the only acceptable thing to do is make sure that person leaves satisfied.  So Dalia," she looked up at her girl with a grin, "is going to stay up here.  See what she can do with your upper body.  And me...well, I think I'm going to focus a little lower.  And between us we're going to see if we can make y'all scream louder than we did."

The squeeze caused her to offer a slight smile toward the Domme, even as she watched her move down the other submissive's body. She wanted to be selfish, she had been between Tina's legs and had been forced to stop...she wanted to continue. But that wasn't really fair, she didn't want to be a brat; even though she felt that urge for the first time. She got herself into a better position, offering Tina a small grin. It wasn't her fault she wasn't getting what she wanted...and she did want to make her feel good.

When Jo kissed her, Tina gave her all tongue, wanting her to taste everything. She bit her lip and waited in anticipation as she laid out what was going to happen next and Tina's stomach flipped in excitement. While she was a selfish person, she wasn't a selfish lover, and she just hoped having the attention of both of them on her body wasn't going to be too overwhelming for her. "I think I'd like that a lot, Miss." She didn't mean for the title to slip from her lips. But it felt warranted seeing as how Jo was going to take care of her and her needs in such an amazing way. Tina smiled up at DJ, reaching for her to pull her down into a kiss.

There was the slightest hesitation in DJ's movements, and Jo made a mental note to ask her about it when they were alone again in case she'd missed something obvious that should have struck her.  With that filed away for later, though, she turned her full attention on Tina.  The title caught her completely by surprise, but she tried her best not to draw any attention to it - the last thing she wanted to do is take a moment like that from special to awkward.  Jo was grateful for it, and the trust that it showed, but Tina needed to do things at her own pace.  "I certainly hope so, darlin'." Settling herself between Tina's legs, Jo gently nudged her thighs apart and wriggled closer.  "Such a beautiful girl," she murmured, kissing each of Tina's thighs.  "Both such beautiful girls."  Without hesitating any longer, she leaned close and flattened her tongue against Tina's slit, tracing a path up and down her lips and humming at the sensation.

There was another twinge of something within her when it felt like she was an afterthought with a compliment, yet again, but she shook it off quickly. It was very easy to do as she focused, first the smile from the brunette, and then on the kiss with Tina. One hand found the other girl's breast, squeezing it gently. Having too much happening had appeared to overwhelm her the last time and so DJ was trying her best to give her the attention, but also not overwhelming her. The last thing she wanted her to do was feel like she needed to stop when it was her turn to feel good.

Tina was far too distracted to notice any of the subtle exchanges between DJ and Jo. All she could focus on was the way DJ played with her nipples and the way Jo's flattened tongue swiped up through her folds. "Holy fuck, yes." Her hips bucked upwards and her legs buckled and as much as she wanted to look down to see Jo between her legs, she already knew the sight would be too much for her. So she just focused on DJ, pulling her down for another kiss, then another as she moaned into her mouth. "That feels so fucking good, yes!"

Tina's reaction was exactly what Jo was hoping for.  Their first attempt at getting her off had been aborted, and she wanted this one to be seen through to its end.  If they had overwhelmed her before then this time Jo wanted her to be able to simply enjoy herself without any interruption.  Reaching up to place both hands on the girl's hips, she changed up the path of her tongue just slightly to include delicate flicks at her clit.  Eventually that would be her focus, but the slow build was the fun part as far as Jo was concerned.  Reaching blindly up with her right hand, Jo went searching for any part of DJ she could reach.  They all needed to be connected for this.

She grinned down at Tina, more fully in the moment as she listened to the moans and words falling from the other submissive. She was so beautiful and so vocal in that moment, and DJ loved it. She didn't fight at all as she was pulled into a kiss time and time again, eager to help bring the moans as she toyed with her body. "You're so beautiful, Tina. Absolutely gorgeous." DJ expressed, pressing kissed along her face and then down her neck. Feeling Jo's hand against her, she reached back and squeezed her hand. It felt good that Jo was reaching out to her, it soothed her.

Tina thought she was a pro at this, but it was clear that Jo knew what she were doing. The difference is, this time she could actually just give in and enjoy the sensations. She could only focus on one sensation at a time, but she was doing pretty good at going back and forth between Jo's firm tongue and hands around her hips and the soft traces of DJ's fingers and her lips. It was the perfect contrast. With the lead up, it really wasn't going to take Tina very long. Her body was on overdrive and there was no self control when it came to chasing her peak. "Oh fuck yeah.... fuck yes right there." Her body slowly rose off the bed. "Oh yeah I'm gonna cum.... fuck yes right there, please. Yes..." Her body stilled for a moment then shook with her climax.

With all of them connected Jo could focus on Tina's body.  She'd gone a little bit slow for the first few moments, wanting to be sure that everyone was doing well, but once she felt Tina beginning to climb she abandoned her slow pace.  Lavishing attention on her stiff bud, Jo sucked gently and toyed at it with her tongue, grinning as she felt the girl moving against her.  With each direction from her lips Jo learned more about exactly where to zero in with her motions, and when Tina came unglued she couldn't help but smile against soaked skin.  Jo stayed pressed against her, cleaning her slowly with her tongue and letting her come down from her high.  "Well, that was yummy," she drawled, lifting her head to look up at both girls.

She kissed her again as she came down from her climax, humming softly. "You look so beautiful when you cum, Tina. It's like...actively unfair." The submissive said, shaking her head and then pressing another kiss to her lips before then pulling back and glancing at the Domme. She bit down on her bottom lip and then cleared her throat slightly and sat down. She wasn't sure what the next step of this whole thing was going to be. She curled up and rested her chin on her knees and let out a soft hum. "She does taste yummy." The submissive agreed, even if she hadn't gotten much of her this time.

All Tina knew was that Jo played her body like a fiddle. That was probably one of the most intense orgasms she ever had and immediately she was already thinking about the next time she could have Jo's mouth. She smiled up at the Domme, loving how good she made her feel, then up at DJ because it really was a team effort. She was complacent and completely satisfied as she laid in the middle of the bed with her arms under her head. "Well I think you're both too fucking hot and that's not fair. Come down here, both of you. It's cuddle time." There was nothing more beautiful to Tina than a woman's body, and she had two right in front of her. She wanted them all to stay naked for as long as she possibly could.

Jo had made mental plans for what came next, but they were heavily dependent on how everyone was feeling in the afterglow.  Cuddles were certainly high up there among those plans, and so there wasn't any hesitation in her before she agreed.  Before she laid down, though, she moved closer to DJ and gave her girl a deep kiss that lasted until they were both breathless.  Favoring her with a smile, she moved to give Tina one as well before making room for both girls to share one.  Only then did she lie down for cuddles, keeping Tina on one side of her and gesturing for DJ to take the other.

The idea of cuddles was exactly what she needed in that moment and she was glad that Tina had come up with the idea, because she didn't think there was anything else that she could have wanted as much as she wanted those. As Jo pressed a kiss against her lips, she whimpered softly and took as much as Jo would give her. She watched as the other two kissed and then gave Tina another kiss because it was clear that that's what Jo was giving room for. When the Domme laid down, she then carefully curled into Jo's side with a soft sigh.

There was so much affection being exchanged between all of them, it was almost overwhelming. But then again when Tina was open and exposed like this, she almost always felt overwhelmed. But she wasn't going to complain. She melted into the kiss by Jo and kissed DJ with the same fiery passion. Her skin still tingled in the afterglow, her body covered in a thin layer of sweat. But that didn't stop her from curling into the other side of Jo. She would never admit it out loud, but she felt small in that position and she liked that feeling.... a lot. "Mm, perfect."

Jo reached out and gently wrapped her arms around both of her companions, pulling them as closely as possible while letting them all be comfortable.  Her chest was still rising and falling rapidly, and the smile on her face couldn't be wiped away.  "You were both so good tonight.  I loved havin' both of y'all here with me.  And I hope that both of ya had just as good a time as me."

[k-odyssey]

Dramas I’ve Been Watching in April

It’s that time again when I tell you what I’ve been watching and if I liked it (without spoilers). As always it’s a long post so everything’s under the cut.

I was struggling to find the other ones so now they’re all tagged monthly posts. (I don’t know that anyone else needs to find them, but I do. It’s like the index page on my blog.)

When the Weather Is Fine (finished)

Seoul music teacher leaves the city and her unfulfilling job for the countryside, reconnects with adorable highschool classmate. They heal from the past together.

Mentioned in the last post and all other my blog. I said it was feel-good and having finished it, I stand by that. The great thing is, even when what’s happening with the leads isn’t great, there’s always another storyline to balance things out.

It looks so good. I love the fashion, which is almost exclusively thick jumpers and warm coats and gloves.

There’s two readings of the ending, one more positive than the other. But either way the finale is worth watching for Jang Woo’s little speech about happiness and mundane things.

Meow, the Secret Boy (ep18 of 24)

Cat adopted by unwilling new owner discovers he can turn into a human around her.

Started this one last month with hopes of cute romcom but it’s too weird to ship at this point. For me anyway.

It is, however, ridiculously funny. But I can’t watch more than one ep at a time due to the aforementioned weirdness. So I haven’t caught up yet.

Cute second couple, though.

Skate into Love (finished)

Star hockey player is reunited with the girl he hated in primary school at age 18, decides to take revenge.

It becomes more about how to navigate a relationship when you have an entire childhood of history and Olympic dreams. Also meddling parents and manipulative admirers.

Did I fast forward a bit? Yes. It’s 40 episodes after all, and the drama is edited to be a bit slow I think. You can easily watch it at the 1.25x speed. There’s plenty of supporting characters with their own stories, some more interesting than others. But I still found it worth watching.

I love the leads! And they actually grow, individually and as a couple. They both make mistakes and apologize and move on together.

While I’m here, let me mention that there are decent kisses!

Here’s what I wrote about the drama in the beginning.

If you don’t mind spoilers, here’s more thoughts.

Joy of Life (finished)

21st century character is sort of reborn in what looks like ancient china, with memories from his past life intact.

It’s been a long time coming, but I finished it!

By a long time coming I mean I started this drama in... December? Which might as well be a century ago at this point. I mentioned it here in January if you missed that.

46 episodes is a lot for me, especially if the drama is no longer airing. If I don’t watch it as it comes out, I 100% will end up taking up to 6 months to finish it. That’s just my brain.

The drama itself is a delight! Both funny and heartbreaking. Lots of intrigues and politics, but not in a boring way. It definitely keeps you on your toes.

Wan’er being one my faves (I don’t care if some find her plain), I was sad to see her character fade in the background as the drama progressed. The lack of romance from ep35 or so might be why it took so long for me to finish it. I love my romance ok?

Also this is season 1 of at least 2, so the ending is... an interesting and shocking one.

A Piece of Your Mind (finished)

Two people dealing with the loss of loved ones help each other through the darkness. Also there’s artificial intelligence involved.

I thought the fact that there was AI would mean the plot would inevitably end up where it usually does for this genre of kdrama: some evil person or entity trying to acquire the technology through legal or illegal means. Thankfully, that never happens. It’s not that kind of drama but a sweet melo.

Did you know I love Jung Hae In? I have that one post about him where I say exactly that but in more words and I’m always happy when it gets notes. The thing is, I don’t mind that he’s been playing similar characters lately. On an emotional level, his portrayals always work. I can’t look away from his eyes. Especially if he’s about to cry. He plays “overwhelmed with emotion” so well whether it’s anger or sadness or love. Plus, I’m all for kinder and softer male leads.

I know Chae Soo Bin from 3 other dramas and they were all comedy I think. I didn’t know she had the range! It was a good surprise to find that she could play a more poised character. I love her in this.

Is it because I’ve been re-watching One Spring Night but this drama looks so bright! In a good way. I love the light and colours. Especially at sunset. Plus all of the snow in the beginning, and Soon Ho’s plants!!! Also I love how they film through windows and play with reflections.

I’m sad they had to cut 4 episodes but they managed to wrap things up pretty well.

So many great characters. And I love that there’s several very strong non-romantic relationships. Soon Ho and Ha Won for example. As someone who wants to scream anytime I hear “men and women can’t be friends”, I love that these two are best friends. Also the boarding house scenes were great. Especially once Min Jung and the medical student moved in.

More thoughts about the AI.

Hyena (finished)

How do I describe Hyena?

It’s an unusual love-to-hate-to-love. Two resourceful, rich-people’s lawyers cross paths and well, sparks fly.

It’s not cute and fluffy. They defend the worst people and with questionable means. They have ethics but they’re different from mine.

As I have mentioned here, it was Hee Jae that grabbed my attention. Joo Ji Hoon is a brilliant actor.

The drama is fast-paced and I watched it in like a week.

Read this post I wrote at the end if you want to know more and don’t mind mild spoilers.

The King: Eternal Monarch (ep2 of 16)

King with a tragic family history finds the door to a parallel universe.

Technically I’ve watched 2 eps and like 15 min of the 3rd ep.

I’ve decided to give it at least 4 episodes. I still haven’t caught up.

Main appeal for me: Woo Do Hwan. He’s not the lead though so there’s that.

I don’t usually pay much attention to that but since I edit them for this... the posters aren’t great? And none of the ones I’ve found have the standard format so I had to choose between cutting the title and cutting off half of Lee Min Ho’s face.

Love is All (ep4 of 26)

Historical romcom. I kinda didn’t pay attention to ep1 so I’m not super clear on why the male lead is hiding his identity but he is. He’s left the capital to become a county magistrate in a small (?) town. There he meets a romance writer who becomes his adviser.

They fight all the time.

Also she keeps unknowingly declaring her love for him because she knows him by name and has a crush on him, but he’s living under a false identity. So she’s annoying him a lot but also complimenting him all the time and he’s not indifferent.

Fun supporting characters.

Is it kinda cheesy? Yes, but that’s what I typically watch cdramas for.

[witchescauldron]

Aries Sun is bold, energetic and spontaneous. They make an impression where ever they go and on who ever they meet! Their loud and cheerful nature calls others to look at them and they love all eyes on them but that doesn't make them worried about messing up they are comfortable in themselves and proud to be authentically themselves. They enjoy last minute plans, and having a lot of things to do, they have a touch of unrest and get uneasy when they are still for to long. Of they have to sit in class or for a meeting for too long they will definitely be bouncing their legs, plating with their looks or tapping the desk. Aries Sun isn't concerned with the past or the future, they live fully in the moment enjoying every second of it. They commit themselves to the present and feel ever high and low it has to offer, they have completed faith that the world will work itself out once they get there so why rush into it? Aries Sun isn't about the slow pace of life the long and boring mundane, they are the spark of the imagination, the pep in a person's step, they get things rolling and moving, they are great leaders it helps of they have someone next to them who can provide blinders to keep the Aries on tack but still be close enough to their level to allow them to still roam free and let them expand. Sometime people who are very controlling try their hand at a relationship with an Aries only to feel exhausted and a little bit guilty, if they are successful and wrangling this ball of energy they've been with them for a while I'll start to notice that this little ball of energy is getting dull and less shiny, all in good intent it is possible for a more mellow and controlled person to dim an Aries and mellow them out but it is almost never in a good way, they become a shell of the person they use to be. That is why an Aries needs someone who can keep them grounded but know that is it alright to let them fly. Aries sun isn't driven by material wealth they could be the richest person on earth they could be the richest person on earth and still drive a beat up car and not wear any designer things. if they're really feeling themselves will splurge and get it but it's not something they need in life they understand the simple joys and I feel like they don't need to prove anything to anyone.

Gemini Moon is a socialite that seeks out tantalizing and intriguing conversations with others, they enjoy others company and are on the constant look out for a dynamic duo, the Boney to their Clyde. As much as Gemini Moons like to socialize they appreciate their alone time, taking it to recenter themselves, pamper themselves, and just taking this quite time to learn something new or think over some questions. Always curious and looking for information to mentally download they will play 20/20 questions with someone just to find out everything about them. Gemini Moons are highly adaptable, so they do not thrive in routine and get bored rather easily, they thrive in change and adventure doing well in quick-paced situations. Gemini moons are witty, charismatic, and flirty, these seem to be the three characteristic types of this sign and they will frequently switch between them in one conversation or from day today so it can be interesting when you're talking to a Gemini to see if you will be getting a sarcastic response, a charming response, or a comment that will leave you blushing! Gemini's are rather emotional for an air sign, but like many of the air signs they don't really know how to process these emotions in a healthy way, they might feel an extreme emotion and be scared by it and suppress it. Gemini moons are very adaptable, they don't necessarily like taking charge but they are good second leaders they can easily move from a situation to the next as if there was no Gap or jump. Gemini moons can be rather chatty,actually anyone that finds a Gemini and their sun moon or Rising is prone to being a bit of a chatty Cathy especially if a topic they are well-versed in or curious about is brought up oh, good luck getting them to shut up.

Leo Rising is a bold, ambitious, fun-loving, eccentric person. You will find a sense of pride and Leo Rising is that you will not find in any other rising sign. Success always finds its way to a Leo Rising, they dress to impress and they have the attitude to boot, they know they deserve greatness and that they have the power to achieve anything they set their mind to, with a strong-willed successful attitude and constantly on the lookout subconsciously for opportunities and success the universe hands it to them and opens up more opportunities for them. Definitely a model for them would be dress for the job you want. Your risings are surprisingly logical, they are a fire sign so their emotions do run rampant at times, but, they have a head for business and I head for planning. The arisen's can be rather boastful, materialistic, and controlling. This can upset quite a few people with their ongoing self-love talk about themselves, being as materialistic as they are this can get them into financial trouble if they are not careful, and as great of a leader as they are they can be a little bit of a dictator sometimes they have no problem telling people what to do but sometimes I can come off as aggressive and demeaning. Leah risings do not fall gracefully, and don't take losses well a good life lesson for people of this rising sign is to accept failure with Grace and dignity and just know that their failure is just a stepping stone towards their success, the universe is looking out for them good things do come to this sign and it's only a short matter of time before things are frightfully put back together. Sometimes you gotta fall to realize your own greatness.

@vanghosted

[feitclub]

In The Cards

It all started with James Bond, the arbiter of worldliness and all things cool when I was just a kid stuck in suburbia. The movies were frequently shown on TV and I made it a point to watch them all over and over again. One of my early favorites was Live and Let Die: the theme song kicked ass, it was Roger Moore's first film so he would never look more handsome, and the movie was full of straight-up magic. The bad guys have a fortune teller on their side, and she can seemingly see everything James Bond will do, even from a great distance. The key to her abilities, aside from her being a virgin (which Bond *ahem* takes care of) was her use of tarot cards. Drawing randomly from this special deck of cards, she could literally see the past, the present, and the future.

I had never heard of tarot cards before but I knew I wanted them. I could not have been older than 12.

When I got my hands on a deck, likely from a book store at the mall, there was an instant level of disappointment. The tarot cards in the Live and Let Die had a very specific look to them, and I had presumed that was just how all tarot cards would look. The deck which I bought (received? I don't remember if my parents were in on this) looked different. All the cards were there, but the art I had expected was not. The biggest difference that stood out to me was the "Death" card: in Live and Let Die that card has a super badass drawing of Death-incarnate wearing a suit of armor while riding a Pale Horse as all manner of human beings knelt or simply fell before him. In my deck, Death looked like a cartoon skeleton without clothes or a horse as he literally reaped the grass with a scythe. I am not here to judge aesthetics, but if you see something in a movie and you end up buying something else, especially as a kid, that's not going to sit right.

(I have tried to use modern search engine tools to discover what kind of deck I had: it was easy to figure out that Live and Let Die used a kind of Rider-Waite-Smith deck, but I think I might have ended up with a variant on a Marseilles deck - exactly which variant, I could not say)

Artistically it was a let down but the appeal of the tarot cards only increased as I learned more about them. First, I discovered that the deck was huge with 78 different cards: the big-picture cards that were featured in the film with names like "The Lovers" and "The Fool" were part of the Major Arcana, but there was also a full set of Minor Arcana which resembled playing cards: four suits, lots of numbers, and several face cards. Secondly, every card had two different "readings," depending on which direction the card faced when drawn.

78 cards, all with two different meanings, meant memorization. As a kid, I was all about memorization. In elementary school my friend Sasha and I tried to memorize the Periodic Table and I think we made it to the lanthanides. When I discovered the joy of watching professional sports, I made a point of memorizing all the teams - by division - in all four major sports leagues. Then I started memorizing the championship winners (and the runners-up) of each major sports league for the last ten years...then the last 20. These tarot cards were going to be my new thing, I could feel it.

I started carrying the cards with me wherever I went. As a kid in school this was easy since I always had a backpack on so the size of the cards meant nothing. Sasha and I (we had watched Live and Let Die together, so this became a team obsession) each had our own deck and we both would take turns drawing cards and looking them up in the little booklet that came in the box. I can remember taking them with us on a school trip to Boston and when we weren't in awe of the historical sights (do I need to tell you we were both nerds?) we kept up our tarot studies while walking around town. On one occasion, just as we drew a card and the booklet said it meant "danger," a car honked its horn at us. We were walking in the middle of the street! Clearly, the magic was real.

The tiny booklet also included a recommended layout when "reading" the cards. The lady in the movie just turned them over one at a time and everything made sense to her, but instead these instructions had us laying out ten different cards in a pattern where each card has a different relationship to the reader. Today I can tell you this pattern is called a "celtic cross" and it is only one of many, many shapes and patterns that can be used, but preteen me did not have that information. I had clear directions: to read the cards I had to flip over ten of them and explain them all.

Before I knew it, before either of us were really ready to be doing anything like this, I remember both of us became tarot card readers at our synagogue for a Purim festival. At the time I didn't think anything was weird, but in hindsight I am impressed that no one raised an objection to kids bringing such a thing into the synagogue so we could be fortune tellers. I should say that we were members of a Reform Temple and I cannot recall ever hearing words like "blasphemy" or "occult" used by our rabbi or anyone else in authority; it stood in contrast to all those self-described Christians I would see on TV who were mad about evolution being taught in schools, talking animals existing as characters in children's books, or anything else we might read in a Chick Tract (which come to think of it, we also discovered around this time while riding Metro-North trains into New York City).

My tarot reading habit did not last; Sasha and I had a falling out of sorts and other things just became more important than these strange cards. My deck sat on a shelf in my room for years until I moved out of my childhood home. I cannot say for certain but it more than likely did not leave with me. But my curiosity surrounding the tarot would linger in my mind and resurface soon enough just as my next big obsession would come along and reveal itself to be tarot-adjacent: JoJo's Bizarre Adventure.

When I discovered JoJo via a fan-subtitled bootleg VHS in the late 1990s, I had no idea the six episodes of anime I just saw covered only one small part of an ongoing (to this day!) manga. The story, as presented on the tape, started in the middle of the action. A lot of it did not make sense, but I latched onto one element right away: every character had superpowers which were embodied - literally - in a spiritual version of themselves on screen and all these alter-egos had tarot-related names: Star Platinum. Hierophant Green. THE WORLD. There wasn't much connection between the card names and the powers they possessed, but it was the coolest thing I had ever seen. If I had still owned a deck I might have started imagining other powers for the other cards not shown on screen (not knowing that they were all represented in some fashion in the original manga).

Leap forward another - gosh, twenty years? - and my tarot fascination never really went away. When I see a Kickstarter or an Etsy page for a new take on tarot cards, I often take a peek at what ideas are on display. A lot of them are just...porn-y. Some are cute. But I'm old(er) now, I don't have the raw enthusiasm I did when I was in 7th grade and the prospect of magic playing cards just made perfect sense. I see daily horoscopes on Japanese TV which I recognize aren't "real," how could I scoff at one kind of fortune telling and then pick up a deck of tarot cards?

Except...who cares if it's "real." What does it matter if these cards are, ultimately, a random assortment of quality art? It's been three entire decades since I first saw them and I'm still deeply intrigued. Part of being old(er) is coming to terms with your own tastes and biases; I no longer need to apologize or feel shame for liking old pop songs or macho action movies and if I've always had a feeling that tarot cards are cool, that feeling is correct.

There's also the feeling that I know so little about tarot cards that I cannot possibly pass judgement on people who use them. I recently started testing a Body Positivity mobile app that uses tarot cards as a means to spark self-reflection and, well, body positivity. The tarot cards in the app are not "real," they're not even physical. They're just drawings on a screen. But the drawings are nice, and if flipping a virtual card over can have a real impact on my own mind, who's to say what flipping real cards over could do?

Even though I felt a need to write all this down, I'm not actually seeking permission here. I already made up my mind and bought a brand-new deck of tarot cards. It's here, next to me. I’ve opened them. I try to draw a few cards whenever I have a chance, but I don't know where this reignited interest will take me. Will I start memorizing them all, again? Will I have another car-honking-its-horn-at-me moment? Maybe I'll just enjoy them aesthetically (they are very nice-looking if I may say so). I don't know what will come next any more than these cards do, but I know I like having them here and I want to know more. At the very least, tarot cards have already taught me an important lesson: I know better than to try and read them while walking in the middle of the road.

---- I shared this story with my Patreon supporters before posting it publicly. Want to help me write more things? Join today: patreon.com/feitclub Ko-fi works too: ko-fi.com/feitclub

[pan-roses]

A Royal Mess Up {Moxiety/Logince}

Chapter 5

Start/ Previous/ Next

The walk was quiet as Patton and Virgil made their way through the gloomy forest. Virgil remained close to Patton, in hopes of giving him warmth that his cloak couldn't. He was happy to see it was the very same Logan gave to him years previous, with cat ears on the hood in a soft grey colour.

The evening had noticeably seized to a dark and cool night, the sky becoming the darkest blue they'd ever seen, however, the magic that night revealed was blinding in all types of astonishing ways. All around, flowers grew from the darkest of places, shining shades of blue that lit the area surrounding them. Fireflies and butterflies of all kinds came out to play, dancing the night sky endlessly with their beauty. The trees blossomed the most wonderous and enchanting buds of deep pinks and lustrous blues, the weight of them settling the branches down to create a curtain of flowers. The ground itself was dazzled by the beauty that it had to join and what once was dry, crumbled dirt became a carpet of grass, mapping out as far as the eye could see.

Patton couldn't help but be amazed by it all, lightly casting his fingers across the soft petals of each flower and brushing his hands through the branches of the tree. His smile shined brighter than every flower in sight, his eyes glowing with a similar passion and wonder. However, Virgil wasn't as amazed and more suspicious of this strange situation.

'What is that snake up to...' Virgil thought. He found it odd that despite the horrors day brought insight how night seemed so magic and full of all the life day doesn't have.

It didn't make sense. And he had to wonder if that snake had anything to do with it, their magic seemingly able to do the impossible. 

______

From a place not far away, the mysterious figure from before stood hidden in the shadows, eyeing the scene before them. They watched his Virgil stayed wary of this wonder while Patton embraced its beauty. Exactly what they expected. This wasn't the first time they'd studied the two, having watched them before they'd even entered the forest. Many times they watched the parallels between each other, however, the friendship said strong, and even grew from those differences in many ways. And when he saw those meddling 5 hold the books they so desperately needed, he swore to get them back, no matter the cost. He hated them.

And yet, by all odds, they soon found their eyes lingering on Patton, taking in his sweet form, his smile and joy. He seemed-

"Beautiful..." They said to themselves, their voice deep and full of the unknown. Quite a shock. They kept trained on the males' movements as Pat felt the need to live in the wonders around him. Patton... intrigued them greatly, despite the hate they felt from years, not only with his natural appeal but also of the powers he didn't recognize he possessed. They always watched Patton the most, and never understood why. Perhaps they made the right choice following Patton and the stupid wolf around. "What do you think, Thomas?" They asked, turning to face the prince, who still was a slave under the spell. "Isn't your friend absolutely beautiful? Wouldn't you like a friend to join us?" They gently ran their finger alongside Thomas's chin. "You would like that, wouldn't you? To have a friend a play with, well, you wouldn't play with him as I would, but it's better than nothing huh?"

Who knows...

They might be in for a treat. _____

Virgil felt a chill set down his spine and he whipped his head around, spanning the area of anything suspicious. To his unease, nothing seemed to be noticed, and yet he still felt as though eyes were watching them, studying them. They need to move quickly.

Virge caught up with Patton, who had a butterfly relaxing on his nose as he softly giggled to himself, careful to not agitate it, and although Virgil ached to note on his adorable ways, he wanted to protect Patton more.

"Patton, we must move, quickly." He insisted, his low voice frightening the butterfly as it flew away.

Patton eyed down at Virgil. "Huh, but it's beautiful here! Why do we need to leave?"

"It's dangerous here." He said urgently.

The male's eyes widened, his body getting the sudden feeling to tremble and his heart hammer faster. "Is it a bad person?"

Virgil noticed his worry, and to be honest, he wasn't better off, anxiety taking over his mind. "I'm not sure, but I don't want to stick around long enough to find out. The sooner we leave, the better." Thankfully, he didn't have to tell Patton twice. He agreed and followed Virgil, who was leading them both away from that spot and deeper into the forest. To Virgil's ease, the magical world they had seemed to enter faded the further they walked, till they were faced with almost utter darkness. A whine escaped Patton's lips, which he tried to hide with a hand over his mouth, but Virgil's ears twitched to the sound. "Patton?" He called softly. "Are you... okay?"

Patton gave a smile, despite it being too dark to notice it. He held his trembling hands close to his chest and did his best to even his breathing, blinking back the tears forming in his eyes. He couldn't be scared. Not now, if he confessed his fear of the dark now, it would slow them down. He couldn't be a burden. He wouldn't allow himself to become one. So, mustering up all the mental strength he could, he responded. "Sorry about that, I almost tripped there, my eyes are still adjusting to the dark."

Virgil, sadly fooled by this, gave a slight nod. "No need to apologize. I just wanted to make sure you were alright."

"I'm all good, Anx! Don't you worry about me!"

Seeming pleased with his response, they carried on, this time, Patton kept his fright to himself, his lips sealed tight to prevent further whines from escaping.

He was going to be fine... He had to be. ______

On the other end, Logan was about ready to stab Roman, despite not having hands to do so. His constant humming singing, although beautiful, started to get annoying after the tenth time of the same song being sung. "Roman, would you please halt that annoying sound you call singing. I am getting annoyed." He said right out.

Roman gave an offended gasp, placing a hand on his chest as if his heart was wounded. "Logos, how could you say such a thing?! My singing is absolutely practically perfect in every way!" He argued.  "And I won't take such rude comments from a bird." Roman looked over his shoulder to glare at Logan.

At the current moment, Logan sat perched on Roman's shoulder, having the issue of not being able to fly and walking being a burden for them both. "I have told you many times, I was turned into a bird, but I am human. You idiot."

"Urg, who cares?!"

"I swear, how does anyone deal with you? It seems like such an unneeded pain in the back for my sake." Logan groan.

"Uh, rude much," Roman told. "And for your information, people don't just 'deal' with me. I deal with people -deal them a world of pain, that is! Haha! Once again, I have amazed myself again with my astounding wit!"

"What about that was astounding?" Logan asked.

Roman rolled his eyes. "Um, all of it, duh." He said. "You are quite slow on the take-up, little bird man."

"It's Logos."

"Logos-shmogos, I don't care."

"You are such a pain," Logan muttered. And to his surprise, Roman reminded silent after that, staring at the ground as he walked the darkened woods, the sounds of the river nearby providing a replacement for Roman's active talking. The night got chilly and dark, and they decided it was best to camp for the night and continue searching in the daylight. Setting up a camp by the river, Roman got to set a fire while  Logan went in search of food for them to eat. He found some berries, ones of which were safe for human. And Logan regrets the urge he had to eat worms he found crawling themselves from the ground. He was tempted but fought with all his might. He was a human before a bird and will continue to eat as such. He flew back, holding a small pouch of berries in his claws just as Roman groaned in frustration at the unlit wood before him.

"I swear, this will be the death of me!" He exclaimed in much anger, striking two rocks together again in hopes of getting a spark.

"While possible, I doubt that would kill you at this current moment. If anything, something will kill you before this unlit wood will." Logan added, earning a glare from Roman.

"Thanks for the input I never asked for, Specks."

Logan blinked in confusion at Roman's nickname, a name he only called, well, himself. But Roman doesn't know he is Logan, so why call him that?  "Excuse me, Roman, but why did you call me specks?"

Roman gave another sigh, dropping his arms into his lap and falling back to sit properly instead of kneeling. "It was a name I called a dear friend of mine by. You remind him of me, to a fault it seems." He gave a ghosts smile, zoning out as he talked. "His name was Logan, and he was as intelligent as they come, but also straightforward, and viewed things in a blunt fashion. But, he was reliable. You could trust him with anything, didn't matter the subject of what was said or needed. He would follow you so long as you trusted him, and I did... I do." Roman's voice faded off and his expression turned cold. "And I let him down..."

Logan was left speechless at his friends' words, never knowing this was how Roman felt.

"I'm sure he doesn't view it like that, Roman," Logan said. "You seem like the type of person who blames themselves for anything that goes wrong, but has you ever thought that there are some things that couldn't be helped, no matter how hard you try? It sounds like you did your best given the situation, so why focus on what you couldn't do and more on what you did accomplish."

"Guess I... never thought of it that way." Roman gave a small smile at the bird. "Thanks, Logos."

"No thanks necessary," Logan informed. "Tell me about your other friends. What are they like?" Logan asked, wanting to change the subject to something more lighthearted.

Roman let out chuckled. "Well, there's Virgil, my sworn rival and best friend since forever it seems. We grew up together and yet we constantly argue, but it's not in anger, more of a way to vent. More so for him than me. He holds a lot of stuff inside, but never reaches for help. So when we let out steam, it helps. And I'll always be there for him, as I know he will for me."

"Then there's Patton, dear sweet Patton. Despite being the youngest, he is truly a father to us all, continually taking care of us and giving us a stern talking to when we deserve one." He gave a smile, remembering the good days. "But I know he sad a lot of time and has deep insecurities that he always tries to hide and never show. And I want to help, but he hides it so well under this happiness he always shows. But, when he's really happy, he has this smile, one that reaches the eyes and comes from the heart. It's such a sight to see if only he could show it more."

"And Thomas, the reason who I am today was because of him and his kindness. He allowed me to become my dream self, and I'll never forget that kindness as it's forever stained on this cape given to me by his father," he said, running his hand over the red cape upon his shoulders. Despite their travels, it has stayed intact, without a tear or blemish, against all the odds. "He is stubborn, sometimes for the wrong reasons, but if you open your mind to the possibilities, you'll find yourself agreeing. He has that way with people. It's amazing."

"Sounds like it."

"All of them are my world, and I wouldn't trade it for the rarest gem people had to offer, because of those four, Thomas, Virgil, Patton, and Logan, they could never be bought or traded, they are the rarest gems, and I'll protect them for as long as I can keep my breath."

"I'm sure you will," Logan said, a fondness in his voice. "Without a doubt, I am sure."

~*~*~*~*~*~

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