#to think im not okay i panic and tell them im fine and nothings wrong and im just being dramatic and it's just ahidougdiofugidofug hhhhhhh

[cxrsed-angel]

Similar Worries

Word count: 3k

Warnings: angst, age gap (reader in her 20s, joel in his 50s).

A/N: I wrote this immediately after ep 6. There are spoilers for the episode. gif credits: @joel-miller

You had been walking in the woods for few hours after you left the couple’s cabin. You were in the back talking to Ellie, telling her how she cant go around tell people they’re like a thousand, especially when they didn't kill you and had given you soup.

When you see Joel stop walking, you walk up closer and see him breathing heavier. You put your hand on his shoulder, watching in fear as he grabbed his chest; you didn't know what to do if he had a heart attack in the middle of the fucking woods in the snow. 

“Joel, what's wrong, are you okay.” you watch in a panic as he nods his head, but he's still breathing heavily. You look around, trying to find somewhere for him to sit but there’s nothing. You try to calm yourself because the last thing you need is to freak out, making Ellie even more scared. You turned to look at Ellie but she was frozen in fear staring as Joel continue struggling to breathe behind you. Your attention is back on him when you heard his voice. 

“Im fine, just the cold air.” he said slowly, still trying to catch his breath; Ellie nods and walks closer.  But you stay silent, frozen in fear trying to rake your brain for any information on heart attacks but you come up blank. You realized didn't know what you would do if he had a heart attack; you're more mad at yourself at the fact that this situation hadn’t even crossed your mind. 

“Good because I don't know what we would do if you had a fucking heart attack right there.” You hear Joel let out a small laugh at Ellie’s joke as she lightly slapping his back as the two of them continued to walk ahead. But you didn't believe him. Ellie was right; what do you do if he has fucking heart attack in the middle of the goddamn forest in the snow. You knew it was something more than the cold air but decided not to press on it. But you kept an eye on him the rest of the way. 

The whole time you were walking, you were quiet. You tried not to show it but, it really scared you, it made you realize how old Joel was compared to; you always knew of course. When he complained about his knees when going upstairs, he talked about his back pain from sleeping on the ground countless nights. But it was always light-hearted, not life or death. You knew he had bad hearing from shooting, but this scared the shit out of you. 

When you were surrounded by the group, you saw Joel was different again, he was off, but you didn't have time to focus on it. You were just relieved they didn't shoot anyone. As you rode on the back of Joel’s horse, all that replayed in your head was how Joel seemed off. Something in his eyes that you couldn't quite figure out. You think back and remember he seemed off ever since you guys had left Kanas; you just never noticed until now, and with the troubled breathing, you were starting to get concerned. 

After Maria and Tommy gave you guys food and told you what house you would be in you immediately needed to show, you also thought it was best to let Joel talk to his brother alone. You went into what you assumed was the main bedroom to shower. After the shower and changing into some clothes, you sit on the bed, and you could hear Maria come and talk to Ellie, you knew you should see what they were talking about, but you figured Maria wouldn't do anything. As you sit on the bed, you couldn't stop seeing Joel struggling to breathe, and how helpless you were, you didn't know what to do, you couldn't save him you just watched. You had gotten lucky today, but one day you're not gonna be lucky; what if you can't save him, just freeze there like you did today? Tears fall down your face as you realize how little you could do.

You hear boots come in the room and assume it was Joel; you look up and see him looking at you. You could tell had been crying, you expect him to sit down next to you, but he stays standing, staring at you. “Have you been crying,” you asked quietly, looking at him, You could see in his eyes something wasn't right, and you wondered if it was something had happened. You waited for him to say something, but he remained silent, staring at you. You try not to sniffle but couldn't help it. 

“Have you been crying.” he repeats as he steps closer to the bed, but you weren't gonna let him change the topic off of him. 

“You first.” you said through snuffles. 

“It was just emotionally seeing Tommy, that's all.” you stare back at him, you knew it wasn't that, and you were a little offended that he thought that would work on you. You knew him better than that. But two could play that game. 

You took your shoes off and climb up into bed and lie down. Joel watches you, confused with frown eyebrows. You let out a fake cry, “it's my period, my emotions and hormones and everything.” You tell him with exaggerated sadness laced in your voice. You knew you were being childish, but you didn't care; you weren't gonna let him get away with that shitty lie. 

He rolls his eyes at your sarcasm as he gives you a deadpan stare. “Really?” was all he said, which made you even more upset. You sit up on the bed and stand up, glaring at him as he remained on the bed. You had been worried all day about him, and he wanted to be closed off to you; you weren't gonna take it. 

“No Joel don't “really” me you know  it's bullshit either tell me or dont tell me, but dont lie to me, god forbid I ask you what's wrong.” you couldn't stand him right now you turn to leave the room, but he voice stopped you making you turn around. 

“We’re staying here,” he mumbled quietly as he stares at the ground, adverting your eyes. You frown at him, not understanding what he meant. You hated when he talked in half sentences leaving out details. Who was we, why are we staying here, and also, why had he been crying? 

“What” you asked sternly, pissed at him for not being clear and deflecting the topic yet again. You walk closer to him, narrowing your eyes at him, waiting for Joel to answer. Joel sighs before looking up into your eyes, “You and I are staying in Jackson, it's safe they have food and shelter it's better for you.” he explains, but his voice is still shaky you could tell he was leaving something out and considering the fact he didn't mention Ellie you knew there was more than what he was saying. Also, he didn't talk to you about it; if you wanted to stay or not, you weren't gonna let him dictate where you go and make important choices without. 

You nod, “okay, well me and Ellie will go to the fireflies to make a cure, you can stay here and live out your suburban fantasy okay.” you replay, full of sarcasm; you watch as Joel's face frowns in frustration. He shakes his head and puts his face in his hands for a few minutes before looking back at the ground. 

“You and I are staying, Tommy is taking Ellie, he’s made the trip before, and he can handle it.”. You were getting tired and annoyed with this whole conversation going in circles and getting nowhere. You didn't understand why he wanted to leave Ellie; why didn't he want to continue? You’ve already gotten this far. But you stopped and remembered earlier when he couldn't breathe, and it clicked. You saw it in his eyes when Sam attacked Ellie when the dog started sniffing Ellie. It wasn't a heart attack. It was a panic attack. He was scared. 

Your eyes softened when you realized and came and sit down next to him. You place your hand on his face, slowly turning it, so he's looking at you. “Joel it wasn't the cold air wasn't it,” you stare full of concern into his brown eyes. You knew you were right when you see a tear fall down his cheek. You grab his hand in yours, rubbing it slowly; you didn't say anything, just waiting until he was ready. 

It was quiet for a moment as he cried silently before speaking again. “I get these dreams it’s a different situation, but they all end the same you or Ellie, or hell sometimes the both of you, dead while I just stand there frozen not doing anything, just like I did with-” you watch, choke back a sob before continuing. “Im just failing, I failed Tess, and Sarah, and in my dreams, I fail you and Ellie that’s all I do is fail.” his voice breaks at the end of the sentence as he continues to cry. 

You feel your heart break at how much pain he has been in and how this had been hurting him for so long. You reach up to his face wiping the tears as they continue to fail. You stay silent, waiting for him to finish. You feel him lean into your hand as you gently caressed his face. He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath before continuing. 

“I don't know what I’ll do if something happened to you or Ellie, I froze when that kid came up behind me, too damn old to hear them and too slow to do something. I couldn't hear when Henry and Sam snuck up on us. It's only a matter of time before I fuck up and put someone in danger, until I freeze at the wrong time again. Lately I've been so godman scared that my heart feels like it stopping and-” 

“and you can't breath and you get dizzy like you're gonna pass out.” you interrupt him, knowing how it feels. You see his eyes widen a little when you describe what happens. You’ve had panic attacks before you knew they were scary as shit. You remember the first time you felt one you thought you were dying. 

You wipe another tear that falls from his eyes. “They happen to me too sometimes, not as bad when I was on my own after my parents died. I used to get them almost every day then, I got one the first time I saw a clicker all,  I did was crouch down to the floor into ball and cried until it went away then I ran. You’re not failing Joel, you arent gonna fail, You didnt fail when you got us out of Kansas with all those infected and a whole town chasing after us.” you looked into his eyes, but you could tell he was still uncertain, they were still full of worry and disbelief 

“Joel its okay to be afraid I’m fucking terrified almost all the time, Im scared that one of us is gonna catch a cold in the middle of the winter and die, Im scared Im gonna sneeze at the wrong time a room full of clickers and get ripped apart, Im scared-” you paused as you felt your tears coming again, “Im scared Im not gonna be able to protect you, that something gonna happen and I won't be able to do anything to help you.” you smile faintly “I guess we have similar fears huh Texas” you tried to lighten the mood as you continue to cry. 

You see him start to smile too through the tears; his hand came up and wiped your tears. You feel his hand wrap around your waist, pulling you into a hug as your cries came out harder. You thought back on how you thought he was having a heart attack and how helpless you were. 

“You fucking scared me back there, thought you were having a heart attack or something.” you pull away looking into his eyes as yours were filled with tears. “I cant fucking save you from a heart attack Joel, you get shot I know what to do, you get stabbed I know what to but-” You feel yourself choke on your sobs, unable to speak for a second. “I always thought a bite was the worst I had to worry about, you cant come back from a bite, I cant do anything about that, I made peace with that, but what about heart attack, or heart failure, what the fuck do I do then?” You cry out as he pulled back into a hug, rubbing your back as you try to steady your breath. 

You close your eyes as you relax against his chest, and you stay there, in each other embrace, as your comfort each other through your similar worries. Joel pulls away first gazing into your teary eyes. He wants to comfort you, reassure you, but nothing comes out of his mouth. He wants to tell you that nothing gonna happen to him, but he can't. He understands where you're coming from, he's nearing his 60s while you're still in your 20s. He hates himself for allowing you to get this close; he knew you were younger, that you deserved someone better than an old man. But you convinced him, told him over and over that you only wanted him. 

“How about we cross that bridge when we get there okay honey.” he attempted to reassure you but you looked into his eyes, seeing the wrinkles around the outside of his eyes, across his forehead, and lining the rest of his face, the grey in his facial hair and you couldn't you, couldn't do that because you’ll be unprepared when you got to that bridge there’s no crossing it. 

You shake you head as you feel your eyes filling with tears again, “I cant Joel, I cant fucking wait because we wont cross it I will, just me and Ellie watching as you fall to the ground unable to do shit.” Your lips trembling thinking about him being in pain and dying while you stand there frozen with Ellie in horror helplessly. “I dont want to lose you Joel not like that.” you whispered before leaning back into his arms. 

Joel thought about it and knew you were right; he knew you were gonna worry yourself to death about his health, and there want much else he could do to change that at the moment. So he just continued holding you in his arms, racking his brain for a solution but there wasn't an easy fix. He thinks about your words earlier, and how you were so good and quick to guarantee that he hasn't failed and that he wasn't going to, he wanted to do the same for you. But he couldn't find the right then to say, so he let you sob into his shoulder until he hears you stop.

“My brother gonna be a dad.” you widen your eyes at the sentence he just blurted out; you pull away, wiping the tears and snot off your face; you stare into his eyes, confused, until you realized what's happening. “You dont know what to say do you.” you watched as he nodded his head, disappointed at himself for not being able to get his words out, but you didn't blame him; you knew he said more through actions. You remember the first time he tried to say you’re more than a friend to him and watched as he continuously rambled about how much you mean to him and getting so far off topic he started using construction terms as a metaphor for your relationship. You knew what he meant. But you let him continue fumbling over his words before saying you felt the same. Since then, you’ve got used to him showing how he cares about you through his action and not getting too mad at his lack of communication. 

“Do you wanna talk about that or were you just trying to lighten the mood.” You asked him. You knew talking about babies, and parenting was hard for him, but you were unsure if he was ready to talk about how that information was affecting him. You watched as he shook his head and knew he was trying to lighten the mood; at least that was his intention, not quite sure it worked. 

“Trying to lighten the mood but I think I did the opposite.” he replied with an unsure smile; you let out a small laugh at his awkwardness, finding it cute. You nod and leaned forward, kissing his cheek. Before laying in the bed, you watch as he took his shoes off and joined you, laying in front of you pressing his back against you chest. Your arms wrap around his waist as you relaxed against him. You knew that both you and him had a lot of things that you’ll probably never gonna heal from or not worry about. You knew there's always gonna be a wound and hole in him from his daughter, and you were always gonna worry about him and his health, But at least you had each other at this moment; that was all you focused on. 

“I love you Joel, I know its hard but well figure it out, well get through this together, you arent alone.” you spoke softly as your head lay on his shoulder. You feel his hand come on top of yours as it rested on his stomach, rubbing them. 

“I know baby, I-uh I love you too.” he whispers back; you smile against his shoulder as he verbally said it back for the first time. You didn't want to make too big a deal of it; you always knew he loved you. He showed it in multiple ways, but you will admit it sounded nice. you snuggled up, pulling him closer into your chest as you closed your eyes and let this awful day end.

[xxmia0wm4yh3mxx]

ENOCK

(Pomni X Caine Fic)

____________________________________

(Caine and Pomni have been together for a while now, even though Pomni is happy with him, She still suffers from Panic attacks that keeps her from living her best life and constantly on the brink of abstracting, Which Caine simply cannot let slide! So He gives Her a very speical Present)

( This is my first Ship fic, sorry if its corny/cringe )

"POMNI MY DARLING!"

He Teleported through the halls frantically Looking for Pomni who he heard was Having another stress attack, It seems no matter How hard He tries to keep her Happy, the looming threat of anxiety and Being Trapped in a fake world was always to much for her.

Caine Could never Understand, Pomni Always Said She was happy with him, He made her laugh and Smile, He worked so hard to learn to empathize and to have Emotions So she could Be As happy as Possible.

'Was it his Fault? He was Made to Make People Happy, And absolutely needs pomni to be happy, Was he not doing it right? He learned so much about humans, but their still so complicated and impossible understand'

"POMNI?"

Caine found Pomni curled up in a little ball in a corner in one of the rooms, She was hyperventilating and glitching again

'UH OH'

"POMNI! I'VE BEEN LOOKING EVERYWHERE FOR YOU!"

He Manifests a warm blanket and Wraps it around her to comfort her, He also hads Her a cat Plushie and some water, Her breathing slows down a bit

"Thank you Caine"

She wasn't Glitching anymore, but she still looked sad

"DO YOU NEED ANYING ELSE?"

"FRESH DIGITAL AIR? A ROOM FILLED WITH FRIENDLY CATS? SAY THE WORD AND ITS YOURS MY DEAR!"

Pomni was always so endeared by him, Always trying so hard to make everyone happy even if it dosent always work, its the thought that makes him so sweet

"I'm Fine..."

"...MY DEAR, IM HAVING TROULE BELIEVING THAT YOU ARE 'FINE'."

he floating down to her level

"PLEASE TELL ME WHAT IM DOING WRONG? I CAN'T LET YOU ABSTRACT, I NEED YOU!"

"....Ive just been feeling so... Stressed lately and I dont know why, I-I don't think I have any reason To be, But I just Am and I-I C-cant help it and... im sorry that y-you can't help.."

Her eyes started tearing up a little

He just put his Hand on her shoulder, He was starting to feel a little depressed himself

"POMNI I'M SO SORRY! I PROMISE I WILL NEVER STOP TRYING TO KEEP YOU SANE I PROMISE! JUST... TELL ME WHAT I NEED TO DO!"

"I-I don't know what you can do"

She cuddled into him resting Her head on his chest, Caine Gave her a little Head pat in response, he was starting to feel alittle Hopeless now, But then a little light bulb popped over his head as He got a Idea.

"EUREKA! IVE GOT IT!"

"Got What?"

Caine thought for a moment on How to Explain his Plan to her, It was a long shot but still, Everything for her or nothing at all

"POMNI, I ADORE YOU, YOU KNOW THAT RIGHT?"

He sounded Weirdly more Serious than Usual, which was kinda off putting and confuseing, but she Was Listening

"Yes? I Love you to Caine, Where are you Going with this?"

"WELL... I HAVE BEEN LEARNING MORE ABOUT HUMANS AND HOW THEY WORK, AND WHAT MAKES THEM FELL JOY... SO HOW WOULD YOU FEEL ABOUT A LITTLE BUNDLE OF JOY OF OUR OWN?"

Pomni Was a Little Confused and Startled by this, He couldn't possibly be saying what she thinks hes saying

"W-What do you mean?

"IM TALKING ABOUT YA-KNOW ONE OF THOSE LITTLE ANKLE-BITERS! YOUNG-UNS! IM TALKING ABOUT CHILDERN MY DEAR! DOSENT THAT SOUND MAGNIFICENT!"

Pomni Just stared off into space processing What Caine Just proposed to her

'Was he Crazy?! Okay Absolutely, Yes But Still- Is he Crazy!?'

"Caine, I can Barley Take care of Myself, How can I take care of a Child?!"

"IT WOULDN'T BE LIKE ANY OTHER CHILD, IT WOULD BE AN ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE! AND WE AI'S ARE KNOWN FOR OUR LOW MANTIENCE! BESIDES, THEIR IS NOTHING MORE FULFILING LIKE THE WONDERS OF PARENTHOOD! SOMETHING TO REPLACE ALL THE ICKY DEPRESSION WITH LOVE AND JOY!"

Pomni was feeling a bit more enticed by the idea, What Else is there to do here expect the Adventures Caine sets out for them? Maybe a Child Could give at least the Illusion of normalcy, And Caine being there with her to help her.only made her feel more convinced

"Well... maybe... But how? I mean Like... How would that Even work..? I mean Can you even Do THAT in Digital realm??"

"WELL OF COURSE WE CAN HAVE CHILDREN MY DEAR!"

Pomni's Face starting turning bright red, Caine Quickly Noticed and became flustered himself

"N-NOT LIKE THAT! I MEANT I COULD CREATE A LEARNING AI FOR US TO RAISE TOGETHER-"

pomni started Giggling a little at Caine being flustered, Caine Always loved that Adorable Face she Made when she was happy, That little giggle, and how shy and sweet she was when she was flustered, its what made him learn to Love and experience things which he couldn't Even Imagine before

"i would find a way to bypass the filter for you"

"What was that Caine?"

"NOTHING-"

"SO MY DEAR, WILL YOU ACCEPT?"

She Thought about it for a while, maybe like Five minutes, Before she Started tearing up in anticipation

"OH GOODNESS MY DEAR! ARE YOU ALR-"

"A-ABSOLUTELY YES!"

She rammed into him, Embraceing him in tight hug

"I wanna have a Child!"

She was still sniffling a bit, Caine Was Just staring into Space for A bit, bursting with enthusiasm at the thought of Pomni being Happy, but also Having his own progeny to raise

"WELL THEN MY DEAR! I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT TO DO!"

Caine left pomni's embrace and back up in the air a bit, He felt across his Teeth and grabbed one of his Molars, and Yanked it out in a Cartoony Fashion.

"THIS WILL DO WONDERFULLY!"

"NOW MY DEAR, I JUST NEED A LITTLE SOMETHING FROM YOU"

He Grabbed Her Eye and Pulled it out like a Berry in a bush, being as gentle as he can with it, Pomni was already pretty used to Caine's antics at this point so it didn't bother her that much, He Grabbed one of her hats Tassles and Yanked on it, And a new eye roll into place for her

"KNOW LETS SEE!"

He manifested a Little Gift Box and Dropped The pieces into It, and Shook it vigorously for about two minutes, Pomni watching with Excitement and smiling the whole time

"NOW, THE MOMENT OF TRUTH! ARE YOU READY MY DEAR!"

Pomni just vigorously nodded her head not being able to keep calm

"I'LL TAKE THAT AS A YES!"

Caine Put the Box into Pomni's hands, Trembling alittle, Pomni slowly opened the box.

She saw a Little Tooth-Like Creature with Big wet Colorful Pinwheel Eyes, The Little Tooth Just Stared at Her with Its Wet Eyes as it Draw back into the Box

Pomni lowerd her Hand to give it a little Stroke, It Snuggled up Against her Hand, purring while doing so

Pomnis looked at it with instant love for the little Creature, picking it up And Holding it Close to her, it cuddling her arm with its Roots as arms, She felt all her Stress, dread, anxiety and sadness fade away, Pomni had tears in her eyes at this point

"....Its Beautiful Caine, I love him"

"TERRIFIC! I KNEW YOU'D LOVE IT!"

Caine floated down to see his new child, His pupils Immediately Went big as he Gazed upon The little Tooth, It looked at its Father with Large Eyes and extending its root-legs to be held by him, He picked him up and Looked him in the eyes

"....WELL HELLO THERE SPORT! AND WELCOME TO THE DIGITAL CIRCUS! IM YOUR CREATOR AND FATHER CAINE, AND THIS IS YOUR MOTHER POMNI!"

The little baby Tooth just Stared him, and Cuddled into him like a Kitten, and Caines eyes went big

Pomni Went up to Him and Gave Caine a hug

".....Hes perfect"

________________________________

Thanks for reading!!!

Here Enock Himself if your wondering

[littleracha]

im currently traveling a total of 19 hours by car, only stopping for the night 😵‍💫

im so sleep deprived and achey (sickly person here) and can only think about binsung taking care of reader in this same situation :( im so soft and sad. could you write something similar please?

Oh, little duckie! That must have felt awful. I am currently on vacation and doing the same thing, so I understand completely.

Please rest up hun! Lots of water and remember to eat.

Sweet Baby Otter

Cg!Changbin & CG!Han x Little!Reader

The boys were finally on vacation! They worked hard to debut 5-star and worked long nights away from home to give their everything to the fans. However Changbin and Han both missed their biggest fan, their little one back at home.

You told them when starting this relationship that you understood they were idols. It wasn't news to you that there were going to be many days and nights where you were by yourself. You ensured them that you would be okay, that you would be brave without Dada and Mama. However, being brave can be so taxing, your little and big hearts missed them every night. Regressing was getting to be difficult because it just made you feel worse. You never told them though, they could never know.

You were fast asleep in your bedroom. In a chokehold was the otter stuffed animal they gifted you, his name was Otto. Soon enough you felt Otto being removed from your arms and you being gently lifted into the air. You woke up with fright and yelled for your Mama and Dada.

"Shhhh baby, oh sweetheart we are right here" Jisung tried to calm you down before a panic attack broke out. "Mama is right here sweetie, and Dada is holding you, look." You looked down to see Binnie's smiling face. "Hello little one, Dada missed you so much!" He said as he began to smother your face in kisses, making you squeal in laughter.

"Dada Stop, icky!" You cried out but both your caregivers knew you were loving it.

"Yeah Bin, stop torturing our little one. If she dies now she won't get to go on our trip" Han said with a twinkle in his eyes. He loved how you instantly perked up at the word trip.

"Where Mama? Where we go?"

"Well Mama and Dada have the week off so we were going to go camping at the beach!" Han said as he squished your puffy morning face. Changbin could barely hold you as you wiggled with joy and excitement.

"Otto go to?" you asked with eyes as big as the moon.

"Yes little otter, Otto gets to go!" Changbin answered.

The first half of the car ride was fine. You were full of excitement and the boys were loving it but after lunch and a mandatory nap, you were beginning to feel bad again. The trip to the beach was much longer than you expected. Your legs were going numb, being in the back was making you sick, the a/c was both too much and not enough and to make it all worse you really had to potty.

Binnie noticed you were awake in his mirror and greeted you. "Good afternoon sleepy sunshine, how was your nap baby?"

"It was fine" you answered in a grumbly tone, which caught the attention of Han now as well. He and Binnie shared a worrying glance before he spoke.

"Just fine sweetie? Do you want Mama to put you back down for another one? Maybe you just didn't get enough sleep." Your heart broke at how concerned he was but you couldn't help but feel irritated.

"No, I slept enough Han, it's nothing" Han?!?! Not Mama? Not Sungie? Not even Hannie? But Han? Now they were both worried.

"Baby what's wrong, you can tell us." Binnie tried to reason with you but you couldn't tell them, you wouldn't tell them. They would blame themselves and you didn't want that.

"Guys I'm fine okay? Just a little car sick that's all" the collected coo they let out bothered you.

"Honey, we could pull over"

"No please keep going"

"but if you are sic--" "I SAID I'M FINE OKAY!"

With that Changbin pulled the car over. You instantly went from annoyed to scared. You never made them mad before. Maybe a small time out here or there but never mad. What was he going to do? Tears began to well up in your eyes.

Your door was opened and stood outside were your caregivers. Changbin reached in and unlatched your seatbelt, pulling you into his arms. He didn't say anything as he rocked you. A warm hand snaked up your back and rubbed smooth circles. Han spoke softly.

"Baby we don't yell, even if we are feeling fussy" He placed a small kiss on your temple. "Tell Mama and Dada what is making our perfect angel feel yucky."

"Just sick Mama" The whole thing made you slip again. You slipped so easily with them. You missed them.

"Sweetheart we know it's more than that. Did I make you upset, did Dada upset you, little one" It was Binnie's turn to speak and you heard the hurt in his voice.

"NO DADA!" You were quick to correct him which earned you a calming shush from both of them. "I no feels good"

"Where baby? Here?" Mama pointed to your belly.

"And here Mama" You pointed to your head.

"Is our baby not feeling good in their own head?" all you could do was nod. "Oh my sweet baby, what is your mean head saying to you?"

"It says it misses yous and that it no regress because can't do it byself. It also no likes being sick and feels like pukey. And and and it tired and wants to sleep but road bad. It wants to be at beach with Dada and Mama and not alones in back of car." You finally let it all out with a sob into Changbin's shirt. You felt alone, even with them right now you felt all alone.

"Baby oh honey, sweetie look at Dada please." You looked up at Changbin with wet eyes, he wiped them as he spoke. "Our sweet little baby, Dada, and Mama missed you so much. We missed holding our baby and playing with you. Did you think we were ignoring you by putting you down for a nap? We would never baby. We knew the trip was long and that you were probably going to not feel well so we wanted you to sleep through it. We are so sorry little one." Once he was done speaking Han reappeared, you hadn't even noticed he left.

"Here you go sweetie" He handed you Otto and a paci. When you smiled back up with a soft thank you, Han's heart melted. "Mama is going to sit in the back with you okay? We can cuddle and play games the rest of the way! How does that sound little otter?"

"I like that Mama"

With that you all loaded back into the car, dry from tears and ready to hit the road. Soon rocks and trees turned into ocean. Your game of 'I Spy' ended as you got excited. You pointed out all the pretty things to Mama and Dada while they told you what they were. Changbin pulled up the campsite and checked you all in. Once set up, Mama and Dada walked you down to the water to watch the sunset. You all sat there for a while after and enjoyed the company. Soft snores sounded from between the two of them. Your sleeping state was so precious, you looked so warn out yet so peaceful. Han picked up your now sand-covered paci and cooed.

"Our sweet baby otter"

[imaginespazzi]

stated it will never not tickle me that you give a preamble about how much you don't like the chapter before dropping the most earth shattering amazing chapter ever.

I mean, don't get too cocky I have multiple bones to pick with you, but it was really good ok?!

Before I dive in here, I wanna wish you an extremely amazing vacation! As an Italian American I want to warn you that Italian girls are incredible sexy and if that other person you were fucking with is still being fickle, you should def bang some Italian chick, and get some inspiration for writing smut because you are currently EDGING US TO DEATH.

August 2025

Wow it just occurred to me that in this universe Azzi went back for her 5th year, so at the time of the proposal Azzi is 22 and still planning on spending another year at UConn? Paige what are you doing.

"She’s cut off by the sound of excited chatter filling up the air and Azzi doesn’t have to turn around to know who’s just entered the premises."

By excited chatter do you mean women yelling PAIGE I LOVE YOU and screaming and throwing their panties at her?

No rings. It feels wrong. But then again, nothing has felt right for three months.

gut punch for us PaigeWithLotsOfLesbianRings-sexuals

“I see Jewell and Téa,” Paige cuts her off immediately, her legs already moving in a rush, “I’ll see y’all later.”

ok this may be out of pocket but I think Paige and Tea would make a really hot couple. I mean if Azzi left her for you Nivi, and that is the only reason P would be single ok?

Paige shrugs, tugging on Azzi’s hand to pull her closer, “you said you don’t wanna fight and I- I don’t want you to go,” the confession hangs between them as Paige’s hands fall to Azzi’s waist, “so- let’s just- let’s pretend.”

you loooove writing heartbreaking scenes that take place in the back parking lot of a bar where they talk about pretending huh? “Sshhhh just- let me have this okay,” Paige’s voice trembles as she leans her forehead against Azzi’s, “if I can’t have it for real, please just let me pretend.”

well now I have to go commit myself to a psychiatric hospital because I am crying while reading a fanfic about a real life couple who are on the university of Connecticut women's basketball team. Great!

if only you’d just let me hold you in front of the world

Annnnd Paige's impending panic attack in the present day story is going to be about…

April 2033

“you look phenomenal.”

ok after I read this line my inner monologue was literally "wow big word Paige", so the next line you wrote is technically plagiarism

“Foreplaying,”

ok I loved this cause it was finally a reference to something sexual between them. Up until now its technically been a chapter of the book of Mormon.

“You know I’d take you with me if I could Stephie,” Paige says, “but I’ll make it up to you tomorrow I swear.”

so at this point Paige just wakes up, gets ready for the day, goes to Azzi's for the entire day, then gets home and immediately goes to sleep?

“Well it could be if you’d just let me fuck you after,” Paige grumbles and Azzi’s mouth falls open at the bluntness of it.

def not in the Book of Mormon anymore Fine. Okay. Whatever. I won’t go. You have the time of your life with fucking Clementine or whatever-”

this line is line is extremely Paige accurate

April 2029

“she needs to hear how much I fucking hate her. Azzi do you hear me? I can hear you breathing. I know you’re there. Did you hear what I said?”

wow stab and twist

Ok honestly justice for Olivia, girl deserves to be fucking furious.

"How do I make it go away? Please tell me how I make it go away? How did you make it go away?”

oh ok, im crying again

April 2033

Paige’s hand resting on her lower back as the blonde guides the two of them through the crowd in search of their teammates.

ok mystics game reference

“and I supposed there’s no point in introducing Azzi to you since y’all came together,”

ok in this Universe is it not canon that most womens basketball fans know these two are a couple? Like is it common knowledge to these other players that they are non-platonic or is it a pre-leak reality? “and it is really good to see you Azzi. I have missed you.”

ok I can just hear this in a French accent and Paige just making the most disgusted American face possible “you sit Clémence. You already have a drink. I was gonna go get one for myself and I’ll get Azzi’s too. Besides, Azzi's more of a fruity drink girl. Az I’ll get you a piña colada-”

This proves Paige is no rizzler at all, because a rizzler would know that a woman does not want a sugary frozen blended drink at a club “I would have liked to stay but they needed the cap space so they could sign her. She- she’s quite expensive

oh, ok, so now you have me feeling sympathy for this French fry? You are the QUEEN of writing 'the other woman'

It makes Azzi clench her thighs together as she tries to focus on Clémence.

NEVER BEEN FURTHER FROM THE BOOK OF MORMON

“It’s funny you’re acting like such a fucking prude when you have a bastard chi-”

I AM SO SCARED RIGHT NOW

“Let’s go,” the blonde’s voice is eerily low, “we’re going home.”

wow Paige, weird time to be all domestic n shit

“Baby-” the word slips out from Azzi’s lips before she can catch it. She hasn’t used it for someone other than Stephie in so long that it feels foreign on her lips and yet, it fits exactly right.

OMG Azzi showing uninhibited emotion this is crazy

“we hooked up a couple of times,”

thats it?! wow Clem has no game, I am proud to be an American - where at least i know im freeeeee

“You don’t get it yet do you,” Azzi whispers, reaching up to cup Paige’s face, ���baby you are the exception to all of my rules.”

oh now im crying from my eyes AND my vagina. But most of all I'm MAD- MAD at you for ending the chapter there, and not showing us the SEX, then going at least two weeks without a chapter - EDGING US TO DEATH. 🤱🏻🤱🏻🤱🏻🤱🏻🤱🏻🤱🏻🤱🏻🤱🏻🤱🏻🤱🏻

Ahahaha tbf I'm a bad judge of my own writing because reading it lowkey makes me die the first time 😭

Well as much as I can confirm that Italian women are in fact stunning, I am a) on vacation with my family which includes my strict-ish parents and b) my situationship is in a pretty good place right now

That is in fact exactly what I mean by excited chapter

Listen if Azzi every leaves her for me, idc who that blonde decides to do at that point. Téa is drop dead gorgeous tho.

There are apparently some common tropes that I must write about these two i.e back of the bar heartbreak, phone calls...I have a formula

If it helps, in real life those two are being disgustingly domestic visiting each other's families and acting like an old married couple where one of them builds while the other appreciates the scene so...

LMAO same braincells fr so it's not actually plagiarism

BOOK OF MORMOM 😭😭😭

Yep that's a very apt description of Paige's day really.

Fun little tidbit that I named the character Clémence solely so I could make a clementine joke.

In GH Pazzi were firmly a secret the whole time

I enjoy writing the "other woman" as a woman who was wrongly "other-ed" if that makes sense?

Listen I think we should all clap for Azzi because girlie's taking some steps, baby ones fs, but STEPS!

I think you'll like next chapters babes ;)

[furiousgoldfish]

My family are okay, and it could be a lot worse than it becoming more ... influenced these days? They've been listening much more frequently to gateway alt right stuff (in front of me at least) and gone a bit heavy in the religion aspect of stuff. Had a bit of a panic attack when they listened to some anti-lgbt stuff in front of me (in the closet)

They themselves were abused in their own childhoods (though they definitely wouldn't put it that way + normalized back when they were growing up) so maybe i should cut them some slack? Apart from occasional slaps on my hand and when i was younger they used to bang my head with knuckles a bit if they were really mad. Theyve apologised for it but do mention how back in their day it was way worse.

I dont know i guess ive been thinking much more about the future recently and how theyd HATE it if they found out some of the stuff i really think. Lots of yelling. Its embarrassing to talk about this with friends.

This sounds dumb when i put it into words but for years now ive been forced to keep a diary. I liked the idea of having one and writing down about my self so i went with it until one day i wrote about how mad i was at them. They read it despite me telling them not to and made me apologise and write down how sorry i was for doing that. There was a lot of yelling. I cried. They openly read what i write now and kinda force me to do it. ngl I kinda hate the thing now. Was that wrong of them?

maybe this is too vague for a checklist but request for one about signs your family is going down a conspiracy rabbithole/signs your parents are victims of misinformation would be nice. This ended up rambly im sorry.

Anon, I am so sorry, this sounds like an absolutely terrifying experience. You're blameless in all of this, you're perfect as you are, but your parents are actively participating in a hate group against your own person, in front of you, consistently exposing you to that narrative, and that is like being in the enemy's lair, isn't it? It has to affect your well being negatively, to hear those sorts of things, it's like you're forced every day to listen to perspectives of people who absolutely despise you, think you shouldn't exist or be the way you are, and who are ready to go and hurt anyone who is like you.

No, you do not need to cut them any slack. Were you any of their parents who did those things to them? No? Were you the founder of the culture where were hit, or force children to hit themselves? I don't think it's possible, since you weren't even born when that shit started. So your responsibility for this is zero. Yet these two people are coming at you asking you to be grateful they're not doing worse to you. Apparently by the logic of 'we had it bad, now you have to be grateful when we do bad things to you'. As if.

No person or being who was abused in the past, regardless of how badly, has the 'free card' to now inflict similar abuse on you. That is completely ridiculous and if that were true, than anyone abused would be going around hurting everyone else and it would be 'fine' because that person was abused as well. That kind of thinking only brings forth more abuse and trauma and nothing else. You did nothing to deserve any of that shit. If their parents hurt them, they should go ahead and take it up with their own parents. Except, they don't, do they? Because they cowards and prefer blaming and directing it towards their child.

If you had a kid, would you want that kid to be grateful you're hurting them slightly less than your parents are doing to you? It sounds insane, doesn't it. You'd want your kid to be happy and safe from ANY abuse, not paying for whatever anyone else has done to you in the past. Because that kid is innocent and did nothing to warrant bearing the burden of your past. And you are that kid right now, you are asked to bear the burden of the abuse that got absorbed into culture, abuse that your parents suffered and abuse they feel entitled to inflict onto you, and for what? It doesn't make anything better or fairer. It doesn't make the world a better place if you're getting hurt in it. If your parents think it's normal they can do it to their parents, thats none of your business. You're a kid brought into that family by no will of your own, subjected to horrifying shit and told you should bear it like it's normal. It's not normal. No child deserves this.

I also have to say that banging your own head with knuckles is especially vicious and victim-blaming abuse to do, I'm sickened by the very thought, and if they felt sorry for that, they would have never done it. It sounds like they'll do just anything in anger and expect 'sorry' to fix it. Sorry doesn't fix abuse. They shouldn't have slapped your wrists either.

The last part of your ask really had me in shock and horror, because that was such an intimate invasion of your privacy, and for them not even even feel sorry or ashamed for invading your private boundaries like that, but to be enraged you dared to feel anger? It's disgusting what they did. They should be so deeply ashamed. Any normal people would realize there's something wrong with them if their child is so mad and would take it as a sign to do some introspection and to evaluate whether they've been unfair, cruel, abusive or hateful to the kid, that is if they already went so far to read your diary without your permission, that they forced you to have!

Their reactions prove that they're so dead-set on controlling you, they even want to control your inner thoughts, convince you that you have no right to anger, no right to human feelings or human expressions, that you should be like a robot who only listens to commands and reacts in the way they want to. It's dehumanizing, disgusting and insanely cruel. You're a human being who's been hurt. Of course you're angry. You have the right to anger. You should have the right to express it in any way you want to, not just to write it in your private diary, but to yell and scream and fight back. But you got punished and had to take your own words back, when you did the least possible expression of it, writing it down privately.

Here's a post that feels relevant, explaining why it's wrong for parents to suppress anger in their children. Here's another one on importance of anger.

They know that any sign of your anger is a proof of their abuse, and that's why they're fighting so hard to suppress it. If they put that energy in trying to be good parents, they could have been great parents to you. They made their choices. Just based on this shameless and gross invasion of privacy and trying to control even your thoughts, it sounds like they have narcissistic tendencies, and they should not be trusted with a child.

I wish I could give you the checklist you asked for, but I have no experience whatsoever on parents, or people, who are being sucked into conspiracy theories, I think I've read articles about it, on topics like QAnon, explaining the phenomena, I'll try to find the post explaining why do people fall for conspiracy theories in general. Here it is. I hope it helps.

If anyone has more resources on conspiracy theories or knows about a checklist, please link it to this post.

[kusundei]

maybe therapy would be beneficiall just a little bit. I just keep thinking about it because ive been. i guess just trying to ignore it and ??? hide ???? it???? at least in my head i kept rationalizing it by thinking id be different. i AM different. and its the whole thing of why is it back. i know exactly why its back ive always noticed it. its just been almost half a year and i ghought maybe id be able to escape it this time but. i guess not. its just so disappointing because what the hell. it keeps looping in my head maybe thats why??? I dont need rhat . at least i somt want that. sure maybe it would be beneficial and its so lashing if that is my mindset cayse if that IS true then its considered that to be applicable to the both of us. its not like i think its hopeless its more of just a. what is that going to do for me. maybe therapy can help but at most all that would happen is that i get to talk abt my feelings.. 🥹… and im fine alone. i dont need anyone to hear that sort of thing. sure maybe input is nice but i dont need someone to hear those things. maybe id get put on something that could stabilize my mood but if anything its just aggravating because my mood has always been erratic like this but not? like? this? like i mean i get sad alot. i go from happy to upset alot in a short amt of time but now im feeling other things again and its kind of sickening

just because who am i??? again. thought i was different now. but no all those things i associated with jd and muffin and josh (i guess) are all still very much applicable. its just so. bothersome. because who am i??? i just notice it more because its getting bad. maybe its just a sign im allowing myself to?? let myself loose?? i dont know?? or its a time thing. its always sort of been a time thing. could also be circumstances. ill allude it to stress. alot going on and it would explain why i keep crashing out so easily from small things. its even worse because even i acknowledge how obvious it is. like i know you can see it on my face and thats what worries me. im afraid i wont be able to keep lying anymore. and thats just scary.

its not like im lying really its just that i am so used to (and much prefer) just keeping shit to myself. its no problem in my opinion its just what i know and its what has me feeling most comfortable. i mean if anything i have allowed myself certain things, im vulnerable in certain ways,? ive gotten more honest i am just not fully. it really does not bother me honestly because again i know i can handle myself but then if i really do think abt it if i can really “handle myself” then why am i struggling. why are these things happening to me again. why am i hallucinating again. why do i keep going back and forth on how i feel abt people. why are my mood swings getting bad. why do i keep getting upset from small things. why am i letting them linger. why is my mood and how im allowed to feel and what im allowed to do dependent on that. why did i get so anxious yesterday i crashed out and GENUINELY almost crashed that car on purpose. why did i throw up before my lessons because i was anxious but couldnt let myself have a panic attack or something. why ARE my panic attacks coming back. its just a whole thing. im counting my days atp i know but i do still just refuse to acknowledge it

well no. actually i am acknowledging it i just am NOT acknowledging it in a. making a change way. because truly there is nothing i can change and nothing i can do. in a perfect world where i am not sick and i am not evil i know i’d let myself do it. id do all those things and id be okay but despite it all its not like im doing bad. i just do it to myself i think. its not like im gonna die though

i dont know i guess i could just acknowledge it because hell. even he enabled me and it made me so. . seen? but also horrified. because no. youre not supposed to agree you are supposed to tell me i am wrong and self diagnosing. i cant have that. would it explain everything? yeah. would i then have to acknowledge my struggles and problems currently though. yeah. i just dont have the time nor motivation to bother. i am barely scraping by with the motivation i have now and i jusf. dont have the time really. i will just continue to think abt it subconsciously. but truly it will not change anything for me. will just push that narrative that i was doomed from the start and i am fighting a losing battle maybe

There is something seriously wrong with me

[ablednt]

That purgatory liminal space emotion between “I don’t want to inconvenience people and I’m not Literally Going To Die so it doesn’t matter anyway” and “Holy shit I’m not okay I want everyone to be worried I want attention I am Not Okay right now please...”

[julibeeline]

So this is my first request here and I'm kinda nervous, also english is not my first language, so I'm sorry for any mistake.

So, crew boys realizing they are in love with you, and they don't really not how to deal with that, so they try to avoid you until you ask they if they are angry or something? I'm trying to be specific but I don't really know how to explain it.

Thanks u very much ❤️

crew boys realizing they love you

a/n: i changed I few of them so they don’t get too repetitive, thanks for the request :) enjoy <33

masterlist

DREAM

dream first found out that he loved you when you were staying over for his face reveal stream.

you would reassure him that it would be okay, that it was all worth doing

he noticed the gentle look in your eyes when you made him feel better, forehead kisses when he was struggling to keep his nerves down

on the day of the face reveal, you were touching up his hair as he looked up at you

the focused look on your face as you tried to make this moment special for him made his heart swell with love.

“you nervous?” you ask him, eyes fixed on his hair.

“clay?” you say, being met with his silence

“i-im w-what? sorry?” he stammers, embarrassed.

“dont worry, im sure it’ll go just fine” you smile, rubbing his shoulder up and down.

as the stream started, you held his hand under the table; just out of frame.

no matter how important his face reveal was, the only think he could think about was you.

he was nervous, nervous about being in love with you though, not anything else

this was his big moment; why now?

as the stream came to an end, he quickly rushed to his room leaving you confused and worried.

“i think im in love with y/n.” he tells sapnap, watching his eyes go wide.

“y/n? like our y/n? the one whos in this house right now y/n?” sapnap says.

“yes that y/n, oh my god this is not good” dream whispers, running his hands through his hair in a panic.

“chill out dude its gonna be fine” sapnap says, standing up from his bed.

as the next few days past, dream used everything in him to avoid you.

he would give you short replies, and that is if they were extrememly necessary.

a quick “thank you” when you would hand him coffee, or a “goodnight” after being silent the whole day.

and by the 3rd day, you got so annoyed that you just had to let it all out.

“clay can you sit down for a second?” “sorry, i have to go d-“ “sit down, clay.”

he sat down nervously, faultering under your gaze

“why have you been ignoring me? like out of the blue you just- you just decide you hate me? is this because of the face reveal stream? what did i do wrong-” “you didnt do anything wrong, y/n. im in love with you.”

“what?” “can i kiss you?”

SAPNAP

sapnap first found out that he was in love with you the day karl started talking to you.

he couldnt help but clench his jaw, force his eyes away when you wrapped your arms around karl’s neck, giving him a tight hug

and the whole day he would subconsiously keep his hands on you

holding your waist when walking, shoulders when sitting, hands when you were talking to karl

“oh my god could you please let me go for one second i need to go to the bathroom” you finally say, fustrated

“what? oh sorry” he immediately pulled his hands away, for fucks sake, he wasnt even aware he was pulling at you everytime you took a step away from him

when you came back from the bathroom, his hands unknowingly reached out to hold you again, wrapping tightly around your shoulder

“whats up with you today? why’re you acting like this?” you ask, furrowing your eyebrows

“nothings wrong, y/n. just making sure i dont loose you, theres a lot of people here…includng karl” he mumbled the last part so quietly that you almost couldnt catch it

“karl?” you question, looking up at him

“what? no i didnt say anything.” sapnap replies, pulling you into another side of the room

“why arent you letting me talk to karl? you knew how i excited i was to meet him for the first time”

“jesus y/n, im not. im just making sure that youre safe, youve never even been to his place before.”

“i dont need you dragging me around like a puppy, i can handle myself. i just want to enjoy my time with karl”

“okay then fine! just leave me for karl.” he throws his hands up in the air, letting go of yours.

you turned to leave the room in irritation, letting out a sigh. why was he being so dramatic about this?

“i love you.” you hear from behind.

GEORGE

george first found out that he loved you when you had your first sleepover with him

from the moment you arrived at his house until when you fell asleep in his bed, he was getting used to a feeling that he had never felt for you before

at first he thought that it was the nerves, he had never spent the night with you and obviously he was bound to feel some kind of worry

but as time went by, he caught himself staring at you when you werent looking

like for example, he looked at the way your eyes would widen for a second when you found the lego piece you were looking for, or how the corners of your lips would curl up when you heard dream screaming something so loud through george’s headphones that you could hear him without them.

when he realized why he was feeling this way, he felt scared. there were so many things that came with being in love.

rejection, commitment, love, itself. like who even invited them!

you noticed how he had gotten quiet over the past few hours, not saying a word to you as a movie played in the background

“you all good george?” you ask, worried.

“yeah yeah im good.” he replies, not even looking towards your direction.

“you sure?”

“yes y/n, stop pushing it.” he spits out, coming out harsher than he intended

his gaze faultered as your face fell, looking down at your hands in embarrassment.

the awkward silence continued for a while, maybe too long even.

he would steal glances your way every once in a while, or reach his hands out for yours before retracting them the second after.

by the time george had thought of what to say, you’d fallen asleep next to him

his eyes softened as he looked over at you

grabbing a blanket, he gently placed it on you, making sure to cover your body

“i love you, y/n. hell, im in love with you.”

KARL

karl found out that he was in love with you when he first saw you.

you were working at a candle store, an apron on, welcoming customers that stopped by

as he saw your smile through the glass window, his feet dragged him into the store

you showed him around, laughing at his jokes that he himself knew were terrible.

he asked questions about each candle, only to spend more time with you

and as he said goodbye with 5 candles in hand, you gave him a wave off like every other customer

from that day on he frequently stopped by, checking if you were around.

and when you werent there in all of the times that he went, he grew fustrated

he probably meant nothing to you, just another customer that wanted to smell the candles that youve already shown 20 times today.

as he got impatient as the days passed, but he gave it one last try

and oh my god you were there!

his eyes lit up the moment he saw you from across the street, dusting some stupid shelf with the stupid smile of yours.

he walked in the store, going straight to you

“remember me?” he asked in a hurry.

“of course karl, how could i forget?” you welcome, giving him a warm side hug

“can i have your number? ive lost you too many times already”

and now you guys are dating, the “i love you’s” have been passed back and forth far too many times to count.

QUACKITY

quackity first found out that he was in love with you the day he saw you translating his spanish streams.

his eyes formed hearts as he snuck up behind you, looking at all the sentences you’d translated already

“what’re you doin?” he asks, giving you a kiss on the head

“jus’ translating your stream. i wanna know what youre saying” you reply, smiling to yourself

and as if he couldnt fall more, this made his heart beat out of his chest

“i can just tell you, you know?” he giggles.

“i prefer to to it myself, makes me feel proud” you answer, not looking up at him once.

he turned around for a second, looking up at the ceiling, scrunching his face up in adoration 

“god y/n i love you” he slips out.

“what?” you turn around wide eyed, looking up at him in surprise.

“oh shit-”

“i love you too.”

[bones-of-a-rabbit]

a tidbit abt the animatronic-reader au

ive kinda got a story/plot idea for the au but im too lazy to like draw it or anything so here ya go. yea idk why im like this either but more info below th cut 

-

okay so this idea is basically just centered around the idea that repair-themed-staff-bot Reader would be around during the events of Security Breach, lowkey trying to help Gregory and Freddy but really, really not wanting to get in trouble.

im also imagining that Reader-bot was brought into the Plex either shortly before or shortly after Moon got the Afton-virus, and also also going to assume that he was bugging out for a little while before Security Breach takes place. 

Reader-bot, like the other, more basic STAFF bots, is generally allowed to wander the ‘Plex at night. Most nights they just hang out in the Parts and Services area, maybe there’s a station/storage area there specifically for STAFF bots not in use? Idk, i havent looked at the map in depth in a while. Point is, most of the time they just kinda,, hang out in their room, essentially. They don’t feel like they’re ‘cool’ enough to hang around the Glamrock animatronics, and they’re either too timid or not close enough to Sun/Moon to comfortably hang out with them for a whole night. Yeah, their whole thing is feeling awkward and out of place in this au idk what to tell you.

Maybe one night when they’re out just kind of exploring the ‘Plex, Infected-Moon starts tracking them and then chasing them down, just to get a kick out of it. The first time they don’t even think to run away so he easily overpowers them and leaves some amount of damage on them that leaves them defunct for a few days before they’re up and functional again. After the first time, Moon makes a habit of it, and each time it happens, Reader wises up more and more until eventually they always run from him like they’re running for their life. One night he catches them and in a moment of panic and quick thinking, they grab a screwdriver from their utility belt and slash him with it. It distracts him enough for them to get away, but from that point on it’s fuckin PERSONAL

And that’s also the first time Reader-bot realizes that, even though there’s nothing wrong with them, nothing they can find on a diagnostic scan, something is strange and they don’t like it. They don’t know it yet, but that’s the first time they noticed they were FEELING something, and they were feeling afraid.

After the events of Security Breach- assuming Afton is gone but the ‘Plex hasn’t burned- Moon is cured of the virus and can only remember some of what happened while he was infected. He recalls thinking that he and Reader-bot used to play a fun game of cat and mouse and that it had sometimes been the time of his life, but he can’t remember the exact details of what the game was and how it was played.

So, the first time Reader-bot and Moon cross paths after the virus is gone, he’s confused when they all but RUN in the opposite direction- and from then on, they do everything in their power to avoid him as much as they possibly can. They avoid working in areas of the ‘Plex where they know he is until he’s left. During the dark hours, they’re nowhere to be found. Yeah, they don’t feel as fondly about the games as he did.

And Moon was confused- he’d played some silly games with them at some point, hadn’t he? And why would they act so strange around him anyway, they were a STAFF bot- clueless, brainless, as awake and aware as a dried up ink pen. Okay, so maybe they did something a little different than the usual STAFF bot, but that was like expecting the ice-cream bot to be special just because it’s not a copy-paste of the other hundred bots in this dumb building.

And they apparently liked SUN just fine- it was JUST Moon they didn’t like. They even liked the Glamrock animatronics, and THEY’D had the same virus he had! So what gives??

Moon has to be rehabilitated back to being a daycare attendant again before the daycare can open again, he’s still just a little too unpredictable for anyone’s taste. Reader-bot was damaged at some point during the night of the breach, but they’re fixed up now and back to work. They used to spend empty hours in the daycare, Sun was one of the only animatronics that treated them as an equal and didn’t mind that they were silent or just preferred to watch and listen, but now... Well, during open hours, that’s where Moon is.

ANYWAY IDK WHERE IT GOES FROM THERE THATS ALL I’VE GOT SORRY idk man im sorry but this shit been sitting in my head giving me brainrot all day and idk i thought someone might find it at least a little interesting

[quirkless-accident]

Thermos

Danny gets badly injured during a mission/ arc/ training and Danny just "shrugs, ive had worst/ im fine/ tis but a scratch"

Shouta had a high pain tolerance. It just came with the territory of being a pro hero-and an underground one at that, where the work was a bit more strenuous, a bit more messy.

As an underground hero, he's seen things that give him panic attacks at the most inopportune times. When he closes his eyes he can sometimes see the blood staining his knuckles from beating villains half to death. When it rains all of his joints decide they want to ache simultaneously. He's got old injuries in every part of his body, and they want him to remember whenever they sky gets a little gray.

He's had most of his bones broken, and he's had his guts all but spilling out of him from stab wounds, and he's early bled out on multiple occasions.

But none of that could even compare to what Danny's going through right now.

It was an accident in training, but one thing led to another, and Danny's guts ended up actually spilling out a bit.

Danny had been sparring against Todoroki, and hadn't had enough time to dodge or go intangible. The ice spiked up and went straight through his stomach and out the other end.

Danny cried out, gripping the ice as green leaked from his mouth and the gaping hole in his stomach. Shouta was over there in the blink of an eye, barking at another student to go and get Recovery Girl.

"Don't worry about it," Danny said, giving him and Todoroki what probably would have been a fond smile, if not for the grimace coming in full force. "I've had worse. It's not even that bad, I promise."

"What do you mean you've had worse?" Todoroki asks, and oh. He's not calm at all. In fact, he looks a little too pale, but whether it's from the look of Danny's injury or the guilt that's no doubt eating him from the inside out, he can't tell. Hell, he can't even begin to process.

"Just stay awake, okay, kid?" Shouta says. Danny's arms are shaking with the effort of holding himself up so he doesn't slip further down the ice, but he just nods and smiles like nothing is wrong. "What's-what's your favorite show?" Shouta asks. He already knows the answer to it, it's some horror sow from the pre-quirk era that Danny has explained to him and Hizashi in length about. But Danny tells him about it again anyway, through choked out words and half-lidded eyes.

It doesn't take long for Recovery Girl and a swarm of medic bots to greet them. A couple minutes at the very most, but it feels like years.

"Hey, RG," Danny greets weakly from his spot above them. "How's it hanging?"

Shouta has never wanted to simultaneously choke and hug someone as fiercely as he wants to do now. But Danny being so calm, as unnerving as it is for Shouta, is probably helping everybody else out.

Recovery Girl gets to work and makes sure she's more than ready to treat Danny. When she's done, he uses his intangibility to slip out of the ice spike. As soon as he's free, he's strapped to a stretcher and wheeled out faster than Shouta can blink.

He calls of the rest of training and sends Todoroki to Hound Dog. He should probably stay and make sure they're okay, but his mind if whirling with what ifs and other, worse thoughts that he was doing his best not to think about.

Shouta had never lost a kid since his tenure at U.A.

He wasn't about to start now. And he certainly wasn't about to start spiraling. Not when Danny needed him.

He all but sprinted to Hizashi's classroom, not caring that he most definitely broke the door with the force in which he opened it. Hizashi was startled, hand already going to his directional speaker. But then he saw Shouta's face, and bless him, because Shouta didn't even need to say anything before Hizashi was at his heels, running with him to the infirmary.

He let them in, despite her strict rule about no visitors during surgery.

"Hey, Zashi," Danny greeted weakly from the bed. How he was still awake, Shouta would never know.

"How are you-" Hizashi paled at the sight of Danny's torso. In hindsight, Shouta probably should have told him what happened before leading him back here. "What happened?" His voice was barely above a horrified whisper. Danny, though, seemed just out of it enough to not notice his dilemma.

"Just a training accident," he lazily waved off.

"How are you still conscious?"

"Oh, uh-well, ectoplasm is thicker than blood, and it leaves the body a lot slower than blood. So I figured if I just stay awake I should be fine," Danny said with a shrug. "Can't hold my ghost form if I'm unconscious, you know? Stitching is a little harder cause my skin keeps turning to goo but it's whatever."

"It's what-" Hizashi said, cutting himself off with the sheer disbelief he was feeling. Because all of those words were very concerning. And sure, it was good to be in tune with one's own body, but how did Danny know that?

Shouta remembered him saying he's had worse. He doesn't want to really find out how worse it was. How close they could have gotten to not meeting Danny at all.

After answering a few ghost physiology-related questions, Recovery Girl shooed them out.

Neither of them talked, but they were both weighed down with the knowledge that if this had been any other kid, there would be blood staining their hands. There would be no cheerful welcome home! waiting for them when they walked through the door. There would be no family picnics and family beach days and family anything.

So they sat, and they waited. They didn't speak, but they did grip each other's hands as tightly as they could without hurting one another, giving gentle squeezes of reassurance whenever the other seemed to be spiraling. It was grounding, to say the least.

Recovery Girl didn't finish her surgery until late at night. She came out looking absolutely exhausted but satisfied with her work.

"He's finally resting now," she tells them. "And he turned back. He should be okay, though he's gonna be on strict bedrest until he heals up. With his natural healing abilities and my quirk it shouldn't be more than a couple of weeks."

Shouta and Hizashi both slumped with relief at the fact that their kid (and really, they've never discussed it, but it was an unspoken fact that Danny was their kid) would be just fine.

"He was in an out of it," Recovery Girl said. "Some of it was nonsense, but some of it was...Concerning. Whenever he's healed up I'd maybe talk to him about it. Or get him to talk to someone else about it."

"Yes, we will," Hizashi said immediately. HIs antsy nature was finally taking over, it seemed. "Can we-are we allowed...?"

"Go on ahead. Just try not to wake him."

"Thank you, Shuzenji," Shouta said. He knelt down and clasped her hands, giving them a thorough squeeze. She patted him lightly on the head before giving him a kiss goodnight. She ushered him into the room with Hizashi, and headed off to her own room that she used more often then she would like.

The room was bathed in a soft moonlight, but it didn't stop Danny from looking incredibly pale. He was completely still, too, which unnerve Shouta. Danny was always animated in some way, whether it be hard at training or bouncing his leg while he did homework. He was always in some form of constant movement. So to see a lack of it was...Well, a little bit weird. If it wasn't for the occasional rise and fall of his chest, Shouta would have thought he was a corpse.

But he wasn't.

He was staring at his son, who was alive and strong and so many other things that Shouta couldn't put into words because every time he so much as thought about it his throat would suddenly close up and his eyes would sting from something that wasn't his chronic dry eye.

He sank into the seat next to Hizashi, right up against the bed. With his left hand he held his husband, and with his right, he squeezed Danny's cold, limp hand, covered in callouses and Lichtenburg figures.

And for the first time all day, he felt like he could actually breathe again.

[bekaroth-reads]

This is pure brainrot that has been stuck in my head for so dam long (tried writing and got embarrassed seeing how terrible it was // hence redoing rn) . After takin a look at your work for lupin ii hcs i was wondering if you could write this (might be abit weird oml im babbling hfdbez) but could you maybe write a hc when the lupin gang have a pregnant SO and when baby arrives? *IM SORRY IF ITS WEIRD BUT I HAD THE BRAINROT :') esp jigen cause hes a softie so i was wonderin ya know (ok i'll just lurk back in the shadows hdsiv)

[This is a cute idea, and I'm sure your version was adorable :) ]

[I did put it under a cut though because I know some people don't like this kind of stuff. Nothing graphic or anything, but if someone doesn't life pregnancy/baby stuff they might want to skip.]

Lupin

He’s a bit hesitant at first

But the moment that you mention the phrase, “Lupin IV” He’s totally in

Is eager, but doesn’t understand everything

He’s not totally clueless, and knows to keep you from overworking yourself or being in stressful situations and the like

But like are you sure you can’t drink? Even a little bit?

Surely you’ve got to start the baby’s appreciation for fine wines as soon as possible, right?

No, Lupin! That’s an absolute no!

When the time comes for baby to be here he’s not as panicked as you might think he would be

“Lupin, my water just broke!” “??? Water’s a liquid. How do you break it?? What do you mean???” “I mean take me to the hospital RIGHT NOW!”

When he’s sitting in the waiting room, THAT’S when he starts to panic

It’s more of a relief to him when they told him it was okay to go back

That being said the whole process of childbirth was kind of horrifying to him and he won’t be sleeping for at least a week

It messed him up more than it messed up you, and you were the one pushing another human out of your body

It’s all worth it to hold little Lupin in his arms

That is dependent on if you agree to the name or not

Jigen

He’s going to throw up

Not that he thinks you or the baby is disgusting or something

That' just too much for him to handle at first

Nervous as hell

Excited but still nervous

This wasn’t something that he was ever planning on having to deal with but here he is

Tries to cut down on smoking or at least doesn’t when he by you

But, he makes up for it when you actually go to the hospital

You both decide it would be too stressful for both of you if he was actually in the room

He’s gone through a whole pack of Reds and is about halfway through another when a nurse comes to the patio outside the hospital to tell him he could come into the room

He’s over the moon when he walks in and sees you and the baby

Wants to hold the baby, but is afraid all of the residual smoke on his jacket might be bad for them

Gets Lupin to bring him a clean shirt and holds the baby as soon as he has changed

RIP to his beard. He still keeps it, but as soon as baby gets grabby hands it’s target number one

Goemon

When you tell him he was in the middle of something so he didn’t process what you said at first

Just goes, “Oh, good.”

You were expecting him to be a bit more excited, but it was better than him freaking out

About five minutes later he comes rushing back into the room

“WAIT! WHAT DID YOU TELL ME?!”

Will be practically glued to you the whole time

If you need something he is there

Is a bit nervous but hides it well

Doesn’t want to do anything that might stress you out

Towards the end of the pregnancy, he really starts to panic

You could sneeze and he’ll start asking if there’s something horribly wrong

Those fast reflexes come in handy when you do need to go to the hospital

Will let you squeeze his hand as hard as you need to during everything

Won’t say anything for the longest time after the baby is there

He just stares in wonder at the little thing in his arms until he finally says with a slight quiver in his voice

“My child needs a good sword.”

Remind him that won’t come for awhile

Fujiko

Look if you’re pregnant then she must have known about it because it certainly isn’t biologically hers

She is all over the baby clothes

Your kid is going to look CUTE

As supportive as she can be, she is thankful that all of this stuff is not happening to her

Loves you more for going through it though

She’s actually the one that made your water break

The two of you were talking and she said something that made you laugh a little too hard

The next thing you knew she was rushing you out of the apartment and into the first cab she could find

She’s talking you through everything that you’ve both read about having a baby

More so to get her through everything than you

When the baby does get here she can’t stop gushing about how cute they are

You’ll have to fight her about holding the baby

Until it’s time to feed or change them

Then she doesn’t know what to do and it’s all you

Zenigata

When you first tell him he is floored

And for a second a little suspicious

Has he even been home enough to be the father??

He quickly says yes and scolds himself for ever doubting you

As soon as you get about six months in he thinks everything is you about to give birth

Has been trying to get you to go to the hospital every day for the past three months

Except for when your water actually breaks and he just freezes

“Oh, god! It’s actually happening!” “Just calm down, Koichi. Let’s go to the car.”

Speeds all the way to the hospital. What’s going to happen? Who’s going to give him a ticket?

Is with you the whole time for support

…until he passes out

Is more than happy when he wakes up and everything went fine

Bad news for you: baby’s got their daddy’s lung capacity and volume

He cries. Happy tears, but he’s just holding his baby and sobbing

Takes a whole month off to be with the two of you, and will hardly put the baby down the whole time

[citrinesparkles]

welcome home.

jason todd x gender neutral reader. 2,086 words. notes: requested by an incredibly flattering anon as part of my hundred followers celebration! thank you again for the feedback, and for enabling me :) also was subconsciously influenced by this piece. warnings: arguing, discussion of danger, reader gets accidentally threatened, patching up wounds, lots more swearing than my usual (but it's all mild language). angst and comfort, i think. super dialogue heavy. this is so long and a little (lot) messy just. prepare yourself

"man," a robotic voice echoed dangerously through the dark living room, sending chills through you. "did you pick the wrong apartment."

luckily, the voice was familiar. "um, the one i live in?"

he choked out your name, startled, and you flicked on the light switch to find him frozen in place with a gun in his hand.

"right." you said tensely, glancing at it- which made him jerk his hand down, shoving the gun into its holster as though it burned him- and looking back up at the eyes of his helmet. "so, uh, i'll turn a light on next time."

"you shouldn't be home yet," he said stiffly.

"i texted you like, three hours ago to let you know i'd be home a day early."

he swore quietly. "my phone's in the river."

"how did it- you know what, at least that explains the radio silence. you didn't think to have someone else- anyone else- let me know?"

"uh." he paused, tensing almost imperceptibly for a moment. "no. i was, uh, i was busy. i'm sorry."

"busy, huh?" something felt very wrong, and not just the fact that he had nearly shot you. "okay, i'll bite, busy with what?"

"nothing important."

the sinking feeling in your stomach intensified and your eyes narrowed dangerously. "important enough that you forgot to tell me you weren't dead in an alley somewhere, when you knew i'd be texting to check in anyway. leaving me worrying in a hotel room in another city."

"nothing out of the ordinary, nothing to worry about." you were really getting sick of the sound of his modulator, but he continued before you could say anything. "go back to what you were doing, babe."

"yeah... uh, no." you stepped forwards and he flinched back defensively, making you freeze. "seriously, what is up with you tonight?"

"noth-"

"jason, i promise if you say nothing one more time, i'm going to lose my mind."

he shifted his foot back slightly, and you took a deep breath.

"okay," you conceded, raising your hands up in surrender and moving backwards yourself. "respecting your space now. that wasn't my best decis-"

your voice cut out when something under his jacket caught your eye.

something red.

"holy crap, jason, what the hell?"

he winced quietly. "you weren't supposed to be home yet, okay?"

"take that stupid helmet off already, would you?" you snapped, already moving to get the first aid kit.

"i would've gone somewhere else if i'd known, okay?" his voice, now clear and crisp without the filter, followed you down the hall.

"that does not make this better!"

"can you please not yell at me right now?"

you dashed back into the room, shooting a vicious glare at him. "jacket."

he slid it off gingerly, dropping it on the couch next to his helmet.

"can you get the armor, or do i need to help?"

even despite the domino mask he was wearing, you could tell he was rolling his eyes. "if i couldn't do it on my own, why would i have come here if i didn't think you'd be home?"

"hm," you took the piece he handed you and carefully set it on the couch, "maybe because you're a stubborn jackass?"

he grunted, sliding his undershirt off and passing it to you. "i don't wanna stain the couch with that."

"your priorities suck."

"it's the nicest piece of furniture we own!"

"it's still a couch!"

"it was expensive!"

"oh for crying out loud-" you threw your hands up again, this time in frustration. "fine! fine. i'll go put this in the tub and get a soak going. you-" you shoved the kit towards him pointedly- "start washing that off."

"how come you're calling the shots?" he snapped back petulantly.

"because my torso's in one piece."

"i have way more experience with this, i should be making the decisions here."

"oh, of course, my apologies!" your voice was absolutely dripping in sarcasm. "what, pray tell, would you have us do?"

he scowled at you for a moment before reaching for the first aid kit and flicking the lid open. "whatever."

you turned on your heel, stomping into the bathroom.

the shirt got thrown into the tub and the tap got tossed all the way on, and as the water crashed into the gray fabric, you took the opportunity to squeeze your eyes shut and breathe deeply.

you opened your eyes a minute later, finding the water dyed a rusty almost-red from blood.

his blood.

you turned off the tap- gently pushed the handle, this time, the fire in your chest now largely extinguished- and made your way back to the living room to find him running a rag over the space below his ribs.

"may i?" you asked softly, stopping a few feet away and holding a hand out to him.

his jaw clenched and relaxed three times in quick succession, but he finally sighed and dropped his shoulders before holding the rag out. "yeah, c'mere."

you worked in silence, being as gentle as possible. jerking your hand back and mumbling apologies when he hissed.

"s'okay, comes with the territory."

you pressed the alcohol-soaked towel back against him, and he sighed.

"that was stupid, huh."

a small laugh escaped you. "it so was."

"can we..."

"try that again?"

"yeah."

you pulled back, standing up straight to meet his eyes. "only if i can take the dumb mask off of you."

"i thought you liked the mask," he teased, a small smirk tugging at his lips.

"jason."

he chuckled, wincing again when it jostled his wounds. "ouch. uh, yeah, mask. g'head."

you gently pulled it from his face, setting it neatly on his other gear before running your thumbs across the line of adhesive it left on his cheekbones. "hi there."

"hey." he leaned into your touch, vibrant eyes fluttering halfway shut. "so uh, welcome home."

"thanks. could've done without the gun, though."

a choking sound tore from his throat, his eyes flying back open. "holy shit, baby, i almost-" he jerked back from you, no regard for his side. "you almost- shit, shit, are you- i'm so sorry, i didn't-"

"okay, woah, hey-"

"i could have killed you."

it was a whisper, horrified and harsh, and while it was technically true, his tone teetered on the edge of a dark space you had seen before and really didn't want him falling back into.

"yeah."

you desperately searched for the right thing to say, rejecting variations of "but hey, you didn't actually", "maybe you should be more careful about waving a gun at people", and one particularly unhelpful "no shit, sherlock".

finally, you settled on a quiet, calm "but i'm still right here, okay?"

his hand flew up to cover his mouth, doing absolutely nothing to hide the near panic written on his features. "i could have killed you."

"okay, so, in the future, we'll... we'll uh, we'll come up with some kind of system for letting you know when i'm home, or something."

"oh, like a phone?" he asked harshly. "the one i was stupid and sloppy enough to dunk in the harbor?"

"that wasn't- i'm guessing that you had a lot on your plate." you waved the cold, bloody towel in your hand at his wounds. it made him curl in on himself slightly, stepping backwards again until his back hit the arm of the couch.

"no excuses. i could have killed you."

"i-"

"no, i almost shot without saying anything!" he exclaimed, brow furrowed and eyes stormy. "i thought someone had broken in, and i got so- i don't even know, damn territorial or some stupid shit- that i almost put a bullet between your eyes. i could have-"

"jason!"

he screwed his eyes shut and dropped his head, roughly tugging his fingers through his hair. "i almost-"

"but you didn't. okay?" every fiber of your being wanted to hold him, to tug him into you and put his hand against your ribs and show him you were okay and breathing, heart still pumping, but he looked enough like a cornered animal that you half expected him to bite you if you tried. "c'mon, jaybird. a life like yours, can you really afford almosts?"

"life like mine, i can't afford to let anyone close to me. apparently, if the goons and thugs don't kill you, i will."

"that's not-"

"what if i hadn't said something?" he snapped venomously. "what if i'd lost more blood and was loopy from it? what if i'd come home with a concussion- again- and didn't think past 'point and shoot'?"

"jason," you finally interjected. "you think i haven't thought about that?"

his eyes, grim and vicious and so full of emotion that you thought you could drown in them, dropped to the floor.

"because it's not a secret that your life is risky. you're risky. i know that. but you're worth every ounce of danger, okay? i'm choosing this, choosing you, knowing full well what i'm getting into, because you're worth all of it."

"i'm not worth any of it."

"that's not your call to make."

"it-"

"you think i need you to make my choices for me?"

"no, of course not."

"you think im stuck here?"

"do you feel like you are?"

"absolutely not." you inched forward again. "i'm here because i want to be."

"...i just... i don't..."

"don't want me to get hurt?"

he finally looked back up at you, eyes watery and jaw tense. "or worse."

"i know, baby. i know," you sighed. "but that's part of life, right? and if the hurt's inevitable, i want the rest of my time to be as nice as possible, and you make my life better. make me better."

"by putting you in danger?"

"it's gotham, handsome, i'm gonna be in danger either way. at least with you, i know i have someone looking out for me. right?"

"always," he said immediately.

"okay then." you took the last step between the two of you slowly, watching for any resistance. meeting none, you brushed your knuckles against his. "i can't think of anywhere i'd feel safer."

"you know that's crazy, right?"

you hummed quietly. "nah."

"i'm being serious."

"me too."

he studied your face silently. you smiled softly at him.

finally, a sigh escaped him and he scooted his hand forward, wrapping his index finger around your own and squeezing gently. "you're sure you want this? i can set you up with a place downtown for a bit. you'd never have to see me again, never have to worry about... all of this."

"i've never been more sure of anything." you said it firmly, confidently, letting the words hang in the air for a few moments before popping one eyebrow up playfully. "why, need to make room for a side piece?"

a startled choking sound escaped him. "excuse me?"

"i mean, when you were talking about being busy, it felt kinda suspicious."

"what is wrong with you?" he asked, exasperation and laughter coating his voice.

"listen, you were being evasive!" his head fell forwards, resting on your shoulder as he laughed.

"i didn't want you to know i was bleeding all over the place!"

"why, didn't want me to worry?"

"exactly!"

you reached your free hand up, gently resting it on the back of his head and playing with his hair. "then maybe, just maybe, you should have gotten someone to tell me your phone went for a swim."

"fair enough."

you stood quietly for a long time, running your fingers through his hair and enjoying the feeling of his breath against your collar.

"i..." he muttered, pulling back to look in your eyes. "i don't think- um. i don't think i'm..." he groaned, gaze darting to the ceiling. "i love you. but the minute you have enough of- of all of this-"

"i won't."

"but if you do, i'll... i'll understand, okay?"

you squeezed his finger gently. "okay." you inhaled deeply, dropping the bloody towel you were still clutching and slid your hand forward to hold his completely. "can we get a bandage on that and go to bed, now?"

"....yes please."

---

"wait!" you yelled, throwing the first aid kit haphazardly onto the bathroom counter and racing after him into the bedroom, where he whirled around with wide eyes. "i love you too! i never said it back- i love you too."

"don't yell like that- i thought something was wrong!"

"me not saying it back is urgently wrong, jason!"

[angstysebfan]

The Past Can Break You - 3

Pairing: Bucky x Reader

AU: Avengers

Summary: You and Bucky have been dating for aa few years. As far as you’re concerned he is the one. But what happens when a blast from the actual past shows up?

A/N: Ive seen a lot stories of Bucky getting his first love from the 40′s back. And I’ve always wondered... what would happen if he was dating someone already? Reader is from this time. Not proofread.

Warning: 

--

Bucky tried for several hours to try and get you to open the door. You ignored him, not wanting to see him because you were so angry with him. He promised he would change and make more time for you, and then he leaves you in the middle of sex for her! Dot is his priority, as far as you’re concerned. You roll your eyes as you think about the “trauma” she had. You know she is using their past to manipulate him, and he is being stupid and letting her. Well now he must face the consequences for his actions. 

You stare up at the ceiling of your old room as you again, for the millionth time, hear the knock and pleads of your boyfriend from the other side of the door. “Please, baby. Open up. I’ll let you scream at me, you can even hit me. I know I deserve it. Just let me see you, please,” he begs.

God this is getting pathetic, you thought. You sigh and figure it’s time to give him an earful and some food for thought. You walk over to the door and unlock it, before opening it to reveal Bucky looking disheveled. He still has no shirt on, just his sweats from last night.

“What could you possibly want me to say to you, Bucky? You obviously made your choice in this. You are allowing Dot to manipulate you to keep you away from me. She wants you back, and it’s completely obvious. You say you want to prioritize me, but you prioritized her! I’ve tried to be calm and understanding to what she is going though, but enough is enough!” you yell, causing Bucky to flinch.

He opens his mouth to speak but you continue, “Ever since she found out that we are dating, she has made it her sole mission to separate us. Do you even care that your actions are killing me? Do you even care that I have cried myself to sleep so many times at night that I forgot how to fall asleep without crying? Do you even care that you are shattering my heart with your actions?!” you yell as tears fall down your face.

Bucky now has tears falling as well as he takes in your words. He didn’t realize just how bad he had made the situation. He needed to fix this. He couldn’t lose you. You were the best thing that has ever happened to him, and he can’t believe that has been so stupid. He walks up and wraps his arms around you, allowing you to cry in his chest. He buries his face in your neck and cries also.

You don’t know how long you have been standing in your doorway crying, but after some time you pull away. Bucky looks at you with sad eyes, “Tell me it’s not too late for me to fix this. I-I don’t want to lose you,” he says in a raspy voice.

You sigh and look down, “I think I need some time to think about things. You need to figure out where your priorities lie. I’ll stay in here for a bit until I’m ready and then we can talk, okay?” you ask.

It breaks your heart to see the distraught nature of Bucky’s face at your words, but you need him to understand how his actions have made you feel. He nods and quickly pulls you into a hug and then slots his lips on yours in a heated kiss. When you pull away he looks you dead in the eyes, “I’m going to make this right. I am going to show you that you, and you alone are what I want and need. That you are my top priority. I promise,” he says.

As he turns and walks away, you can’t help but say, “Don’t make promises you might not be able to keep.”

Bucky stops and looks at you sadly. He really messed up. He finally turns away and walks back to your shared room, that he will now live in alone. When he closes the door he slides down to the ground and openly sobs. How could he be so stupid. How could he not see what was happening. Now he might lose the love of his life because of his past. 

--

Dot is sitting in her room, feeling rather victorious. She overheard your argument with Bucky, and knows that now that you are separating yourself from Bucky, she will have a better chance to win him back. She sighs at the thought of having her love back with her. She was surprised that he didn’t take her back immediately, as she was his first love. Yes, ok so it was like 80 years ago, but I mean the fact that they were both together after all this time, must be fate.

Suddenly her door opens and shows the man she has been thinking about. Dot looks up and smiles, “Hey Jamie! What’s wrong?” she asks, deciding to pretend she is innocent and knows nothing. Always worked with guys. So easy.

“We need to talk, now,” Bucky says, anger evident in his voice. 

Dot’s smile disappears. She figured he would be upset, but not angry, and not at her. “What’s going on?” she asks with a furrow of her brow.

“This is over, Dot. Whatever you are trying to do, it’s done. I know you are dealing with a lot, but you need to start figuring it out for yourself. I am done putting you before Y/N,” he says.

Dot can’t help but roll your eyes. “Oh is she upset with you again Jamie? I mean I understand being slightly threatened by our past, but she obviously doesn’t trust you. If she can’t trust you, then she isn’t good enough for you. Maybe it’s time for you to cut your loses and return to me,” Dot said.

“She has every reason to be upset! I’ve neglected her! I just want to know... are those panic attacks that you have even real,” he asks.

Dot feigns being offended, “How dare you! Of course they are! Look at all I have gone through! I volunteer for something back in the 40′s and wake up in 2020′s. There is a lot of thoughts and feelings I feel and I don’t know how to process them! Is she saying I am lying?”

“I am saying you are lying. You always seem fine when we are together, but the moment I go to my girlfriend you start freaking out. You are trying to keep me away from her,” Bucky says, his voice raising.

“I feel comfortable with you, Jamie! I love you! Of course I feel better when you are near! It’s not my fault you tried to move on! But tell me this, if you don’t love me like you did, and you love her, why then did you constantly leave your girl for me? You obviously are still in love with me! So dump the girl and let’s be together!” Dot yelled.

“You’re crazy! Seriously you are delusional! You use me being a good friend and a gentleman against me to separate me from the woman that I truly love. Well it stops now! You need to get your ass in gear because it will take me nothing to turn you out of the compound to fend for yourself. If Steve and I can make it work, so can you. And your trauma is nothing compared to what we have gone through. So get yourself together and figure your life out. I am done playing these games with you!” Bucky says before leaving Dot’s room.

Dot sat there stunned at the last outburst. If Bucky thinks that she will go down without a fight to the death for him, then he doesn’t know her at all. Dot always gets what Dot wants. No matter the cost.

--

Bucky knocked on Natasha’s door, trying to calm himself down from his conversation with Dot. Nat opened the door and immediately tried to close it, “Nat please! I need your help,” Bucky begged.

She rolled her eyes and allowed him in. He sat there and told her everything about what happened last night, and this morning with Y/N and Dot. Natasha smacked him upside the head at least 4 times for being dumb. When he was done explaining everything he looked sadly at Natasha, “So will you help me? I have a plan that will allow Y/N the time she asked to think, while also showing her that she is my priority. She is the love of my life. Please?” Bucky begged.

Nat knew how much you and Bucky loved each other. She knew how happy you both were, so she agreed to help. Bucky laid out the plan to Nat and they both agreed to set it in motion. Bucky felt better already. He told off Dot, got your best friend to help him, and now all he needed was to win you back. He hoped he wasn’t too late.

--

Chapter 2 / Chapter 4

Dot is trouble! What plans does he have up her sleeve? Will the reader forgive Bucky? Does he deserve it? 🤷🏻‍♀️Feedback is appreciated!

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[n1k1tty]

kiss me ! part 2

“hawaii!” niki yells, throwing as fist in the air as he enters the van “riki, it’s 3am in the morning, please shut up” jay retorts, going back to sleep as he leans on the window

as if it was almost planned, you and jake sat beside each other at the furthest seat. it was complicated, you didn’t know if you were comfortable or not, you felt tense, afraid of jake’s teasing if you touch him even the slightest. yet you also didn’t want to leave your seat.

you let out a huff, trying to find a position where you could comfortably sleep in. you were spooked at the sudden hand that leans your head on their shoulders “you can sleep on my shoulders, it’s alright” jake chuckles, already drifting to sleep the second after he did that “thanks” you mumble, easing into his warmth.

you laugh a little at his aching figure “this is funny to you? after i’ve been so kind to let you sleep on my shoulder?” he pouts “i deserve a long massage during our flight” he jokes, continuing to carry your bags.

dumbfounded by the fact that you stayed with him, giving him a glance filled with guilt “y/n seriously, i’m fine. it’ll go away sooner or later” he reassures you, his heart exploding at the sight of you with glimmering eyes, feeling the guilt you expressed them with.

“what do you wanna eat for breakfast?” you mumble, taking the luggage cart from his grasp. he laughs at your attempt to make him feel better “sorry? didnt quite hear that well” he teases, making you give him a glare, almost forgetting that he was ‘injured’ you raise your hand to almost give him a punch “good thing you’re hurting or i would’ve punched your ass back to australia” you roll your eyes “you heard what i said!” eyebrows frowning as you look away “alright alright, i’m fine with coffee really—” he lets out a breathy chuckle, dragging his feet as he follows you around “—nonsense! breakfast is important. don’t give me that type of bullshit sim” you cut him off, stopping by a little restaurant as you tell the other members to go ahead “im getting you pancakes. better finish it or you’re not living to see another day”

he laughs “this is quite a unique way to care for someone don’t you think” you roll your eyes "eat the damn pancakes sim jaeyun"

"yas ma'am"

--

after everyone had met up, you all started finding your seats. you were bewildered, somehow, because now you found yourself wanting to switch seats with sunghoon for obvious reasons. but of course, you --again, didn't have the guts to do so.

a few hours into the flight and a few glances from jake here and there, you received a message

jake :):

hey pretty girl, do me a favour and go to the washroom behind you

you:

and why exactly?

jake :):

no questions asked. i just miss you ;)

you swore you wanted to jump off the plane. pretty girl?! he misses me?!. you feel the heat creeping up in your face as you asked jungwon "hey, could you get up of a sec. i gotta go to the washroom" you whisper, mumbling a small 'thank you' before you walked to the washroom.

you felt a hand pull you "hey" he giggles, arms wrapped around your waist "you scared me! i thought i was getting abducted" you slap his shoulder. although you would be lying if you said you didn't want to just grab him and kiss him right at this moment.

he looked so good with his button up shirt, showing off his collar bones, neck wearing the beaded necklace you made for him during the summer and your birthstone necklace. his hair was messy, and you couldn't deny how hot he looked with his glasses on.

"you should consider buttoning up" you hesitantly say, looking anywhere but his eyes. of course he catches on to your intentions, but he felt like pissing you off "why? i'm showing off your necklace" he giggles "i even bought your birthstone" he grabs the necklace with his thumb, making you roll your eyes as you cross your arms, making sim jaeyun giggle.

he places his hand under your chin, finally letting you looking at him "switch seats with sunghoon please. i don't think i like the sight of you sleeping on jungwon's shoulders" now it was your time to piss him off.

"why?" you pout, "his shoulders are so comfortable, and we don't want your shoulders aching again now do we?" you give him a slight smile, well it wasn't like you weren't planning to switch with sunghoon way before the flight even started anyway.

jake rolls his eyes "that leaves you no choice--"

"can y'all hurry up? i'll switch with you y/n gosh! just let me pee!" sunghoon bangs on the door, making jake laugh "well that was easy"

--

oh how you regret changing seats.

because now you get to fully witness the flight attendants obviously flirting with him.

"good morning sir" she annoyingly giggles, biting her lip as she leans in way too close. jake leans back, letting out a small laugh out of politeness "hi, yeah i'd like..." he orders his food while you glare at the girl who's been displeasingly close to him "what can i get for you ma'am?"

"oh my girlfriend would like the same thing" jake interrupts, giving you a sly wink after placing his hand on top of yours. you let out a small scoff after seeing the disappointed look on the girl as she hands you the food. your skips a beat. girlfriend? you thought

now he was starting to piss you off. he was doing everything but ask you out. and with every ounce of pride you had in your soul, you hated to admit that you were starting to get really impatient. were you not obvious about your feelings? was the handmade necklace and the concern you have for him not obvious enough?

"ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Hawaii" the pilot announces, after you got your hand carry, you didn't even bother waiting for jake. immediately walking out of the plane, causing him to tilt his head out of confusion.

he didn't get a chance to talk to you, i mean, how could he when you would immediately start walking away from him whenever he tried to walk towards you.

as you sat beside jay in the tour bus, he gives you a weird look "why are you here" you give him a lost look "can i not...?" that's when he knew something happened between you and jake "y/n if this is because of jake--" you place your hand on his mouth, leaning way too close. but luck wasn't on your side today, because jake saw.

"shut up please! and yes! it is about him. so please spare me and let me sit here for the meantime" jay chuckles, "jake's going to kill me for this" he mumbles, leaning back to the chair "what?"

"nothing" he gives you a grin

--

after you guys arrived to jay's beach house you immediately grab your bag before jake could help you

"alright riki and sunoo are sharing a room, jungwon and heeseung are sharing, and...." jay looks at you, sunghoon and jake, not knowing what to do "you three figure it out. i'm just letting you know one gets to have their own room" jay starts to head to his own room, shrugging his shoulders as he walks past you with widened eyes.

"we already know what's about to happen. i'm getting my own room-"

"no!" you yell

"yes!" jake yells in unison,

"well......" sunghoon stood there, waiting for the both of you to talk "well, i just think i should get the room since you know-- i'm a girl and-- you and jake are best friends so you should be roommates" you explain, giving sunghoon an awkward smile "yeah sure whatever- ow!" jake hits sunghoon in the arm "you idiot! take the goddamn room!" jake grits through his teeth "you know what y/n! i change my mind. i uh, i think im going to take the room"

"why?!" you whisper with a harsh tone. poor sunghoon "IM GOING TO JERK OFF OR SOMETHING I DON'T KNOW" he yells, although he regrets it after the maids give him a weird look "ayo what?" heeseung peaks through the door "nothing! i didn't mean that. just --ugh! i'm heading out" he grabs his luggage, stomping through the hallways as he walks to the room. leaving you with jake.

--

you were about to have a mental breakdown "jay! you're seriously not helping me at all!" you give him a shove "ow! you need to control your strength sometimes! and i'm sorry okay? i just panicked, and i think you and jake being roommates wouldn't be a mistake. it's better to fix your problems instead of just sweeping it under the rug. you can't avoid him forever y/n" he was right. and you knew that. but you couldn't bring yourself to tell jake what was bothering you. even the thought of it was embarrassing, because what if he wasn't even intending to date you at all?

you walk back to the room, hesitating whether you should open it or not. but after hearing no noise, you open the door "AH OH MY GOD SORRY--" there you saw a shirtless jake, hair wet and his glasses having a few drops of water from his hair. he grabs your hand before you could walk out again "y/n, please talk to me" he places his hands on both sides of your shoulders "did i do something wrong? whatever it is, i'm really sorry" he panics, slightly pouting at the silent treatment you gave him "jake i-"

"dinners ready!" riki barges in, freezing at the sight of you two "oh- hey! riki, let's go!" you grab his arm, walking towards the dining room "please don't mention it" you whisper, sitting in between riki and jay.

jake later follows, now in his grey shirt and the checkered pajamas he wore earlier, he gives you a small smile before sitting next to heeseung.

"so, sunghoon. did you have fun?" heeseung teases

"shut up!"

--

"this wasn't going as planned anymore!" jake groans, he was currently in jay's room, ranting his frustrations out while jay listened. when jake had heard about the trip to hawaii, he originally planned to confess when you guys went to the party, it's not like the party had already happened, but it was already tomorrow "i already apologized, yet she still wouldn't speak"

"do you even know why she's mad?" jay asked, leaning on the bad with his arms as he watched jake pacing around his room "...no?"

"jake sim you idiot"

it was 1 am in the morning and you finally finished playing games with riki and heeseung. you were hesitating to open the door once again. afraid of letting the incident happen once more. you knock lightly, hoping that he was there and you could finally make up

but before you could open the door, jake already opened it. immediately embracing you "please talk to me" he whispers gently in your ear. you couldn't help but burst out crying, causing him to panic, he caresses your hair "let's go for a walk yeah?" he grabs your wrist, his touch so gentle as if you were fragile.

he wipes your tears as you walk along the shore "i missed you. you know?" he holds your hand as you both drag your feet along the sand. you hit him on his shoulder "ow!"

"that's what you get!" you sniffle, looking at the reflection of the moon on the sea "what did i do?" he chuckles, searching for your eyes. he tilts his head when you don't respond "hello?"

"cause! you always flirt with me, calling me your girlfriend and hugging me! i hate it! i hate it because my heart always skips a beat every time and i always expect you to ask me out soon yet you never do!" you yell, your skin was glowing under the moonlight. jake was in awe the moment he saw your glistening eyes that had tears threatening to fall.

he had the sudden urge to kiss you and tell you how he felt.

and he did. because jake was a man who never doubted his feelings when it came to you.

he pulls you by the waist, causing you to let out a yelp. his lips touches yours, and it stayed like that for a while, to make up for the moments he wasted without you this whole vacation. you wrap your hands around his neck, playing with his hair

"can i be your boyfriend?" he cheekily says, his smile making you smile as well "suck my ass. sim jaeyun. yes, i'd love for you to be my boyfriend"

"i'd gladly suck your a--"

"sim jaeyun!"

--

[bonus bcs i haven't posted in a while]

it was the morning of the party, you were in jake's arms "finally you're awake! good morning!" he excitedly says, peppering you with kisses "the guys are in the pool so get changed" he informs you, smacking your ass as soon as you got up "getting too comfortable for our first day aren't we?" you tilt your head, giving him a smirk "can't help it" he send a wink your way.

as soon as you got out in your swimsuit, jake's mouth drops "do a little turn for me" he smirks, twirling you around as he hypes you up "holy shit! i'm so lucky aren't i" he checks you out, earning a smack from you "ow! alright but i'm not letting them check you out like that! wear my shirt"

(he didn't let you go from the jacuzzi after heeseung hyped you up lol)

--

[party]

you told jake to go ahead, wanting to surprise him with the dress you bought.

after arriving to the party jake almost dropped the drink he had in his hand after he saw you. he was smiling so hard when the little girl put a Lei (flower neck lace) on you. he felt so proud when the other men at the party look at you giving him a hug

"that's right, she's mine" he thought

after you walked to wards him he grabs you by the waist "you look so pretty in red" he says, hugging you tightly "is that so?" you ask, giving him a chaste kiss on the lips, making him all giddy

--

part 1

taglist: @zylenes @hwalllllllelujah @theskzvibe

HI GUYS :D. i will be posting the visuals for this fic so pls wait :)

[winter-soldier-vibes]

Can I request HSP + depression reader (who thinks they are just weak and being crybaby) x Bucky, please? I understand you are super busy right now and I didn’t mean to rush you or anything but I'm just struggling with both HSP and depression and couldn’t help but send it right now. No need to hurry, just when you are free and maybe when you had nothing to write. Thank you and I love you!

Thank you for the request, I’m sorry it’s been a difficult time for you! I’m here if you need me and I hope that this helps!!! 

It’s called empathy

Bucky x reader

Word count: 1981

Warnings: depression, HSP (highly sensitive person), low self worth, negative self talk, swearing (that’s normal for me but this one’s a little extra), angst (more so internal idk if that needs a warning), fluff/comfort

Taglist: @buckys2thicc @babydaddy-buckybarnes @barnesplums @peggycarter-steverogers @mardema @abitgryffindorky @buckys-blue-eyes @strawberrimae @thatfangirl42 @freigeistundanderes @bucks-bunny @broadwaybabe18 @im-sick-of-failing

Taglist     Masterlist

--------------

Breathe in

Breathe out

In 

Out 

...in…

You felt a tear escape your eyes

Goddamn it

You didn’t want to cry, you couldn’t let yourself. It was stupid, it was just some shitty remark from someone when they were in a shitty mood, it wasn’t your fault, all that bullshit you tried to tell yourself. It never worked.

You were trying to control your breathing, looking up at the ceiling trying to will the tears away, biting your lip. You would not cry, not over this. Not over something that wasn’t worth your tears

Not when you didn’t even know what exactly you were crying over. 

Yet here you were, gripping the edge of the bathroom sink with white knuckles, looking up at the ceiling trying to keep the tears at bay. And it wasn’t working.

Weak sensitive piece of shit. 

What good were you to the team if you cry in the bathroom like a baby every time something remotely stressful happens? People usually cry when they're in pain or when they’re grieving - the only excuse you had was you were stressed or sad. 

You felt another few tears escape and you angrily swiped them away, cursing yourself for being so weak. 

You hated this, you hated yourself. You were so numb most of the time, especially when you were alone. You found yourself alone in your room with racing thoughts feeling like you were falling apart. Yet when you were alone you could only stare at the ceiling wondering if it would get any worse. 

The answer was usually yes.

Whenever you would go on missions with the team, you were able to push aside your stress. You had a job to do and you would do it. But when the mission was over and you were walking back through the rubble - seeing all the blood, destruction, fear - then it would start to get to you. You would panic, you would feel tears cloud your vision. Tears for those you were leaving behind, and those who had nowhere to go, those who lost someone. That was understandable. 

It seemed to affect you more than the others though. It was understandable to be moved by so much destruction. But for you everyone felt like someone you had known and loved. 

You could feel the grief in those left behind, feel the sadness and pain that they were going through. 

The same was true when you weren’t on missions. When those who were on them would come back. Whether they were injured or their eyes were saddened - you knew when a mission was rough. You would listen, you would be there for people. It was easy to talk to you, and you were very wise. 

But it still overwhelmed you. You couldn’t say no, you didn’t want to. You wanted to help but it would be so emotionally taxing for you. So behind closed doors, you would break. Be there for others, listen when they need to talk, others come first - you took their emotional pain onto yourself. 

You were grateful that you could help - but in the process it was hurting you. 

You allowed yourself to feel sad when you were alone in your room. No one could see you be weak in the dark of your room. But you never cried much just from the pure exhaustion of your thoughts. Sometimes you wanted to, just feeling so incredibly empty that you just wanted to have an ugly crying session curled up in bed.

But you didn’t get to make that choice.

The crying wouldn’t come until the absolute worst times. If you had messed up on a mission, if Tony said something a little too harshly because to him everything was a joke, seeing something gruesome on a mission- whenever it came to someone else getting involved, the tears would come. Hell sometimes even being overwhelmed in public would be enough to start the waterworks. 

You always felt so fucking weak for it. The slightest environmental stressor could stress you out too much and move you to tears. You had no reason to be upset most of the time. But you would get angry at yourself for being upset, which would make you more upset that you couldn’t control it, making it harder to control.

It was a vicious cycle.

Lately it had been popping up more and more recently. Smaller things were upsetting you more than usual. You were becoming more sensitive to external stimuli and as a result, you spent as much time as you could in your room. You were embarrassed by yourself. Both by your emotions and by your inability to control them. 

This time you were just upset that you were upset. It had been a long night the day prior, just a lot of paperwork to do. There had been a mission earlier this week that you hadn’t been assigned to, but it had been brutal for everyone who had gone. So far today had been a normal day by anyone’s terms, an emotionally exhausting one for you. One of those where you woke up tired and the thoughts of another day were enough to draw you to tears. Nothing had even happened, but apparently nothing needed to happen. 

Your emotions came and went without your consent. 

You knew deep down it was probably some sort of emotional build up - that whole quote about bottling things up until they got to be too much - it happened every time but you still thought you could handle yourself better than that. You didn’t want to vent or be a problem to anyone. But when you are the emotional support for most of the team and you haven’t been able to get enough sleep or take time for yourself - you didn’t have much of a say as to when the bottle overflows.

A few more tears fell and you slammed your hand on the counter, wiping your tears angrily once more. “God fucking damn it why can’t you just stop fucking crying!” you exclaimed, feeling a few more tears falling “Weak piece of shit!” 

There was knocking on the door, pulling you out of your self deprecating thoughts. You gasped lightly, wiping your face again. 

Knock knock

You jumped a little, gasping slightly. No one was supposed to be here, it was the middle of the night. 

“Y/n? What’s going on in there? Are you alright?”

You took a shaky breath. Of course it would be Bucky who heard you. Why would it be anyone else?

“I’m fine Bucky, it’s late, you should go to sleep.”

“Then why are you still awake?” Bucky responded. You heard him sigh a little outside the door. “Come out here and tell me you’re okay.”

“Really Bucky?”

“Unless you want me to come in there, but I don’t think Stark would appreciate me breaking your door.”

You took a small breath and walked over to the door, opening it. You crossed your arms and met Bucky’s concerned eyes. “I’m fine, Bucky.”

Bucky sighed, taking in your appearance. Red eyes, flushed face, your hair was messy - you were definitely crying. He hated when you wouldn’t admit that you weren’t ok. “You know you don’t have to be, right?”

You clenched your jaw, trying to keep fresh tears from clouding your vision. “What?”

“You say you’re fine, you always say that you’re fine until you break. I heard you crying, I can see that you’re not feeling okay yet still you try to keep a brave face. And I just want you to know that you don’t have to always be okay.”

You let out a breath. “I - i…” you looked down and shook your head, lost for words. 

“Y/n, I’m not here to judge you. Can you try to tell me what’s wrong?”

“I don’t know,” you said looking up at him “It’s literally so stupid, Bucky.”

“Y/n, nothing you say right now is going to sound stupid. 

You shrugged your shoulders, still not quite meeting his eyes. “I don’t know, I just get so worked up sometimes, but it’s stupid. I tell myself I’m not going to be bothered and then I freak out again. The smallest things bother me and I get stressed out and then I cry like some stupid weak bitch. People have it worse than me, God, you have it worse than me. Everyone here has some sort of traumatic awful thing happen to them and then there’s me and I get sad because I see other people sad,” you were crying again and you wiped at your face, covering your eyes. “God Im so fucking stupid I -”

Bucky pulled you into his chest as you let out a sob. “You’re not stupid, y/n.”

“YES I AM. I get worked up over the smallest shit, I don’t listen when people tell me to take breaks, I take everything too personally and I can’t stop fucking crying when I don’t even know what the fuck is wrong!” you exclaimed, trying to push yourself away, ashamed.

Bucky held you tightly, not letting you go. “That’s not your fault. It’s not up to you how your feelings show up.”

“But I cry at the most stupid shit and I can’t control it.”

“You’re not supposed to know how to control it,” he said, pulling back to look at you. “Emotions can’t be controlled. They just happen and it’s rarely convenient.”

“Then why do I feel so weak? If this,” you gestured to yourself “is so goddamn normal then why isn’t everyone else breaking down every other day?” 

Bucky brushed some hair out of your face. “Your emotions are yours, no one else’s. No one has the right to tell you how to feel. Think of it this way - you can’t expect everyone to have the same amount of strength or stamina - no one has the same emotional response either. And that doesn’t make you weak, it makes you you.”

You shook your head. “I just feel so weak all the time.” 

“And I’m here to remind you that crying isn’t weak. You are not a weak person, you are not a bad person, you’re not any of those things your mind tells you. You’re a kind and thoughtful person. You put your heart into everything you do. You help everyone you can. Mourning someone else’s loss isn’t weakness. It’s called empathy.”

You took a small breath. “Then why does it hurt so goddamn much?”

“”I don’t know. And I can’t say for certain that you won’t always feel that way. But I know I can tell you that you aren’t weak, and I’ll be here every time you feel that you are.” 

You nodded your head slightly. “You don’t think I’m weak?” you asked quietly.

He pulled you back into a hug. “Not in the slightest, y/n.”

[wonlouvre]

hello! i see your requests are open again 😌 can i request jeonghan x reader, enemies to lovers kinda thing maybe where they have the same friends but jeonghan & reader always clash etc etc fluff at the end idk

i know you’ll come up with something amazing as always, do what you want with it 😘🥰💗

balance | y. jh. 

pairing: jeonghan x reader genre: enemies to lovers (kind of), fluff warnings: heights, ski mountain mechanical malfunctions (you know, dangling in the air kind of thing)  word count: 1.5k (i got carried away, im sorry)

💌: thank you so much for requesting!!! this was honestly fun to write although there was little to none banter, i’m so sorry :’( thank you for trusting me! i hope you like it <3 i will try to post at least two drabbles/requests per week :)

To you, Yoon Jeonghan was the type of person that looked like he would trample all over your principles in life. It’s a little dramatic of you but he can’t blame you for thinking so. He’s cocky, annoying and full of shit. The two of you stepped off on the wrong foot when he thought it was funny to pour sparkling water on your instant noodles as a prank during one of the traditional ski trips your group of friends always hold.

Soonyoung introduced him on what was supposed to be the best trip of your life only to get ruined when he made fun of you. Although technically speaking, your cup wasn’t the only victim of his shenanigan because the rest of your friends complained and threw it at the perpetrator before they could even finish eating. But you were hungry and stubborn, so you didn’t let it go. 

Ever since then, despite not confronting him, Jeonghan’s energy and wholebeing never clicked with yours. You barely speak a word to him and you rarely hang out with him, unlike with every single one of your friends. He hasn’t noticed and even if he did, you’re sure he could care less. Which is fine by you. The instant noodle prank is history and now that this year’s ski trip will be your third with him, you have just gotten used to ignoring his existence. 

“Jeonghan’s staring at you,” Seungcheol says, startling you. 

Your eyes throw daggers at him, not because he startled you, but because of what he said. 

The tall man nudges your shoulder with his. “I’m not lying. Give him a glance and then you’ll see.”

To set the record straight, you don’t have a grudge on Jeonghan for who he is. It’s more of what he does that gives a bad impression on you. Aside from the noodle incident, you noticed how much he takes pride in teasing and playing with the gullible younger ones and you hate him for that. It’s a good laugh every once in a while but it can hurt feelings at times and you don’t want that. He also likes to disagree and debate with everyone (you’re just glad you haven’t been a victim yet). When everyone else says yes, he’ll boldly say no. That’s how moronic he is to be friends with. 

Of course you acknowledge his good deeds. Whether you like to admit it or not, Jeonghan is a great friend. He is a beacon of strength among you knowing that he’s one of the oldest in the group. He knows where and when to have fun. He knows when to be there for anyone who needs him. He’s supportive. He’s loving. He’s more than okay. 

You’re just turning a blind eye because you’re still petty. 

It has come to your attention that apparently, Jeonghan has been harboring a crush on you. It’s a stupid rumor and you choose to ignore it because why. Why would he have a crush on you? You try confirming if it’s true by looking at him and observing his actions whenever he’s not paying attention. But to no avail, nothing special stood out.

In fact, it seems like all the staring and observation made you develop a crush on him. Now that’s even more annoying. 

You roll your eyes at Seungcheol’s nonsense and walk away from him to go to Jeongyeon who’s currently checking in everyone to the hotel. You might as well help her register everyone to all the activities you will be participating in. 

“Collect their IDs,” she orders without looking up from the form she’s writing on. “And tell them to fall in line so they can sign the consent form.”

“Told you we should have filled out the online form before getting here,” your complaint doesn’t go unheard by your friend who only glares at you, scaring you to immediately obey her instructions.

“IDs please,” you ask with your hand out and your friends happily complied as they chatted through the waiting time. You walk around to make sure you have everyone’s and as you double check, one last ID was missing. 

“You didn’t forget about me, did you?”

The devil himself, Yoon Jeonghan.

You take a deep deep breath before turning around and face the handsome face you’ve been sick of. Wait, did you just call him handsome?! 

Jeonghan flashes his signature smirk while pulling his wallet out from his pocket, picking one of the many cards inside it to hand to you. His gloveless fingers grazes yours and it concerns you why it made your heart skip a beat. You avoid his gaze and everything else about him and run back to Jeongyeon who’s the one asking for these in the first place. 

You heard his low chuckle and you wish you could wipe off his annoying grin with your fist. 

Moving on from what happened in the early afternoon, the rest of the day was pleasant enough for you and your friends to continue. Everyone had lunch at the local restaurant first before doing the group activities. It’s a good thing none of you are afraid of heights (except for Dokyeom, but he manages). Soonyoung leading everyone to hike the safe side of the snow covered mountain wasn’t a problem for him. 

After the quick mountain hike, you all scattered to have fun and decided to meet up for dinner in the evening. You, Jeongyeon, Dokyeom and much to your dismay, Jeonghan all went up to snowboard. 

The lift was supposed to carry the four of you up to the starting point before your adrenaline descend, but Dokyeom suddenly felt a wave of fear of heights and needed to calm down for a few minutes. He tells you to go on ahead and you did. You just didn’t expect Jeonghan to be accompanying you instead of Jeongyeon. 

You hide your disappointment and bewilderment as you make yourself comfortable. It’s awkward but it doesn’t matter. You’re just going to keep quiet and avoid looking Jeonghan’s way. This ride will probably not be a good ten minutes, right?

Jeonghan holds onto his snowboard while you place yours on the floor. A barrier of some sort to distance yourself from him. Your eyes are glued to your feet, watching them move from side to side. You also distract yourself from admiring the view outside the window, but it’s hard when you can feel his eyes burning holes on the back of your head. 

“Y/N.”

You hate it. You hate it. You hate it. 

Why does your name sound so melodic coming from his mouth?

You turn your head and raise your eyebrows, waiting for him to continue. 

But the lift doesn’t let him because it suddenly stops mid-air, echoes of metals clanking and brakes screeching following suit. The abrupt stop causes the lift to shake a little, making you hold onto the metal bars out of fear. 

“Ladies and gentlemen, there has been a mechanical malfunction of the lifts and our engineers are repairing it now at this moment. We apologize for the inconvenience and fear that this has caused. We request everyone to remain calm and seated…”

The announcement falls deaf to your ears because all you hear is ringing. You’re not afraid of heights at all. But you have never experienced an incident like this before. You’ve heard and read about it and not all of them ended well. 

“Hey,” Jeonghan’s voice snaps you out of your dilemma. 

You blink away your tears and clutch your chest to calm your heart that’s beating faster and faster. 

“Y/N?” Jeonghan calls for you again, but this time he’s reaching his hand out. “You’ll be fine. Here, take my hand.”

Jeonghan probably noticed the panic in your eyes. So, after throwing away your doubts outside the window, you carefully move a little closer to him but not beside him as you don’t want to ruin the balance of the lift. You unclench your fist and finally take hold of his waiting hand. 

Jeonghan’s warm palm and genuine smile calms you down. Your heartbeat slows down and your breathing goes back to normal. Your eyebrows furrow in both fear and embarrassment. You question the universe how and why did this have to happen. 

“Hey, don’t cry.”

“I’m not!” 

Jeonghan giggles at your outburst and you don’t know if that’s music to your ears or if it just makes you want to punch his handsome face more. 

“I like you Y/N,” he suddenly confesses and you grimace. 

“I like you too,” you confess back, tightly gripping his hand. “But now is not the time, Yoon Jeonghan.”

Jeonghan bites back a smile that says he’s in love and just gently caresses your hand. It’s unbelievable how the opportunity arose itself right at this moment, but it was now or never for him. He’d explain how much he likes you in detail later. For now, he’s okay with this. 

“But, later though?”

“Yes, now shut up before I throw you out first.”