#to the whole 'if I don't remember then it wasn't really me -> it was someone/someTHING else'

[kinardsevan]

i wrote a whole ass psychology breakdown (for the first time in FOREVER) about the break-up. enjoy (if you so choose):

so I've been reading a lot in relation to Tommy's speech during the break-up (and have actually gotten through the scene several times now, mostly as a creative reference for these fix-it fics. I think one of the first things that I've seen completely tossed aside (that bothers the shit out of me as someone with over a decade of therapy treatment and a psychology degree) is whatever trauma Tommy carries.

We know that there are issues with his dad. We know Lou's lore behind him is that he spent a lot of his childhood alone. We don't know anything in relation to his mom, but she may or may not be the cause of more trauma. We know that his way of dealing with abuse of authority is to shut down and follow the leader, which is likely a mix of his military time and growing up in his father's household (and when I say this, I mean from what we saw of him under Gerrard's command). This is a person who has put years into getting himself into some version of okay after all that he's endured, and we know he still generally does it on his own.

To that end, here, have my breakdown of the break up (roughly right about the time Buck says "I want you to move in with me"). (with pictures!)

Prior to the offer, we watch Tommy process through Evan's explanation about his relationship with Abby, things being transformative for him, etc. We have to bare in mind that this is where we also start to get what I've dubbed "starry-eyed Buck". He's so in the throes of what he's saying that I don't think he's really considering the connotation of his words. At the same time, Tommy doesn't know what lore Evan is about to drop him about this prior relationship. Remember that he now has to contend with the fact that they both have strong opinions on their relations toward Abby, and Tommy can't know if their feelings toward her as a person will be the same. I think Lou played this beautifully, appearing anxious and apprehensive as Tommy listened to Evan explain that Abby was transformative for him. Then he shifts into how Tommy has been transformative for him (which, he has, and we as the audience know this, but we understand it from a bigger POV than what Evan is saying with his words.)

There have been posts about Evan putting Tommy up on a pedestal throughout this speech (and really, possibly even sooner, but this is where we really get it expressed). Tommy tries to rectify this to a degree by countering "I wasn't always that way".

To that end, we then get Evan telling him "I know, and it just makes me admire you more." Tommy gives a bashful smile, clearly heartened by the statement, and even opening his mouth as though he's going to respond to it in some form. It would be interesting to know what was on Lou's mind of what (if anything) he thought would've been said there. Are there lines that were removed in this scene? Was 'I love you' actually going to come up? We can't really know. However, there's this part of me that thinks that Tommy thought that they were having a discussion on the depth of their relationship which would've possibly brought those 7 letters to the equation. Either way, this entire bit of facial acting is SO important, because it speaks volumes about how Tommy feels about how Evan feels about him.

From there we get the "I want you to move in with me, and this, THIS, THIS is such an important point for this ENTIRE scene. It's two seconds, but it holds SO much for the narrative. This man, who seems to be on the verge of ...something, clearly (who knows if I Love You was on his mind, or if it was just the fact that Evan was expressing how much he cares about him.) The reason this is all so important is THIS REACTION:

Now again, we don't know Tommy's trauma, but the joy literally drops out of his expression and shifts to panic. Now, speaking solely from the standpoint that these two haven't even said "I love you" yet, his boyfriend steamrolled over him from a possible declaration of love straight to moving in together without discussing semantics. Further, it's not even "I want to live together", it's "move in with me". We don't know much about Tommy's house (because these shitheads haven't built him a set yet), but we know that he has a HOUSE. With a GARAGE. Buck lives in a LOFT. Regardless of how much of an asshole this makes me sound like, it's crawling with red flags. It comes across as "fit more into my life" instead of "lets do this thing together". Further, if that's not bad enough, mention of getting engaged and married is thrown at Tommy as well, which holds two major bits of information: One, these are on Evan's mind. We've NEVER heard him talk about getting engaged or married to anyone. This speaks to the importance of their relationship to him, but the lack of I Love You also speaks on his own trauma. If we truly are getting the rom-com trope, at some point there's likely to be a conversation about why he lept over it (*cough* Taylor, his parents *cough cough*). Meanwhile, as he's continued in his starry-eyed speech, this is what Tommy is giving:

Now for those who don't know how to spot it, this my friends is a PANIC RESPONSE. The shift forward, the move to get up, the literal deep breath. He's having a panic attack. Now, obviously we don't know what brought this on, but god-willing, we WILL get the answers.

Now, to his own point, Tommy doesn't just straight up pop Evan's pink bubble. He does express that it's a sweet sentiment, but that it's a bad idea. To which point we get:

"Evan, that is so sweet. But I can't move in with you." "And why not?" Because. I know how this ends." "Uh, what-what's that supposed to mean?"

At which point, we clearly get the qualities about Evan that Tommy likes. "Incredible guy. Big-hearted. Hot as hell. Impulsive." I don't feel that the expression here matters as much as his tone of voice, because we can see on his face that he's expressing these qualities from a good place. The next point of reference isn't until Tommy's next line, when he says that Evan's reaction is out of things being "new and exciting".

To that end, the way Evan is talking to him makes this statement valid. He's not talking to Tommy like they've been together for six months and have built a relationship that should be moving in this direction. (For the tenth time I will repeat, he couldn't even dignify whether he was in love with Tommy when Josh asked).

Furthermore, I think when you consider this part of the scene, you also have to consider the strain in Tommy's voice. Something about those concepts (living together, getting engaged, married) is terrifying. It definitely gives the impression that Tommy has been faced with some version of this before and he got burned. Why is this important? Because of this:

"I'm saying no matter how bad I want it to be, I'm not your last." Those 9 words are important on their own, but when you couple them with the expression on Tommy's face and what we've just seen him go through, there's a clear point to the fact that he's been through this before. I also think that there can't be enough importance placed on the way he intonates "how bad". This is not a man saying no because he doesn't want to. He's backpedaling because he's sure that he's going to get burned. We get this point further driven home with this exchange:

"I'm your first." "But hey, they can be the same thing." "But, they usually aren't."

See this doesn't read to me as someone who's scared because he knows Evan has never been with another man. They're both fully grown adults who have had multiple relationships. What this speaks to me (now) as, is someone who has let someone convince him before that he would be their forever, that they were all in, and then broke him. When you include his childhood trauma and whatever abandonment issues it's left him with in correlation with all of this, yes, it's still an extremely biphobic set of lines. But in the context of what he's expressing and why, it's not about telling Evan he needs more experience, it's about telling him that he doesn't believe that he'll want to stay settled down with him six months, a year, etc., down the road. And THAT my friends, is abandonment issues 101. "Everyone else has left, so it doesn't matter that I'm in love with you, because you will leave too, and I need to protect myself from that."

Following that, we get this: "if I were to move in with you, you wouldn't mean to, you wouldn't plan for it, but you'd end up breaking my heart."

This line is SO important, right next to Evan's exchange with Josh about his relationship with Tommy. Why? Because even though neither of them have said it, it spells out that these two are in fact in love with each other, even if they haven't said it.

"I don't think I could deal with that." Tommy is fucking GONE on him. He's expressing that if he gave himself fully over to what Evan's referring to, losing him would break him. Again, we don't have the full picture on his trauma, but we know there's a mountain there. It's also worth noting again, that the intonation he uses in these statements clearly come across as someone trying to reign in their emotions and keep it together. That says to me that we're dangeously close to touching his trauma.

I don't feel like I have to include the final few bits of the scene in gifs because they're all over the site now, but the next line gives over the fact that he hasn't really been open about his trauma to Evan, given that his immediate response to expressing all of this is "I should go". This kind of reaction is generally brought on as not being accepted for having certain feelings. Now, obviously Evan is caught off guard by the entire interaction, the same way Tommy was (but for different reasons), so we have to take all of that into account when we think about the fact that instead of countering Tommy's logic, he asks instead if Tommy is breaking up with him.

Body language is also so important here for Tommy. His shoulders are hunched in, we see him wipe his face (meaning there are likely tears), and when he turns around, he's so caught up in whatever wave has taken him over that it takes Evan asking him for Tommy to state "yeah, I guess I did" about breaking up. Further, there's the fact that he states that he didn't see the break-up coming, which goes back to my point at the top of this post, that he clearly thought the conversation was going one direction, and instead it goes the other. From this point, we have Evan reeling, because he wants to create more of a life with Tommy, while Tommy is shutting down because of whatever is holding him back.

Finally, as I've referenced before, we get this line:

"Should've known that parking spot was too good to be true."

That line makes zero sense out of context, but in consideration of someone trying to lighten the weight they're carrying (which you can literally see by the way he has his hand on his neck, which you generally only see people do as a stress response). You can also double entendre this statement that getting to be with Evan was too good to be true. We get that little inhale with the smile, and I swear to God the only time I've seen that kind of reaction is right before someone cracks.

And then in closing, we get the "I'll see you 'round, Buck," our closing gut punch. Evan is still reeling, clearly. His face is very "what the hell just happened". Tommy is clearly not okay. This entire scene has opened an entire can of worms on them without a whole lot of answers.

Now, I've owned the fact that basically from the end of 806, I felt like this had to be a swerve, and that there has to be more to the story. I've also pretty much owned the fact that if the writers did actually just do this for kicks and don't have a resolution for it, I may not keep watching. However, in the context of the fact that, for the moment, I'm choosing to put hope in some kind of resolution, these lines make so much more sense. It is worth noting though, most people in the fandom, let alone the general audience, aren't going to psychologically break this shit down line-by-line. They're not going to lean into whatever trauma Tommy has that we don't know about yet. Its why the internet has been a mess since Thursday night. But it's also why I talk about how, when this situation gets resolved (because right now I refuse to say if), Buck has to give up the loft and give more of himself. Tommy, by the nature of the show, has fully immersed himself in Evan's life, but we haven't seen or heard mention of Evan doing so at all in Tommy's life. That doesn't mean he hasn't, but we haven't gotten any version of that. So when I say Evan needs to give things up... it's about matching what he's asking Tommy to give up. Because at the end of the day, when this circles back around, he's effectively going to be asking Tommy to trust that he won't break his heart like others have, and when you have a lifetime of abandonment issues and have learned to cope by being hyper-independent and alone, moving in the opposite direction is more terrifying than anything else. ESPECIALLY when you love that person, which we saw Tommy spell out. Evan has the ability to break him (and probably already is via this cut-off-at-the-quick break up.)

So, I'm really gonna need these shit heads to figure out that they'll be more miserable apart than they'd ever be together.

That's all. Thanks for coming to my TED talk.

[angelofwintersky]

snowy night - oneshot

summary: satoru and you are about to go home after your unsuccessful first date, but the car breaks down, making you stay there on a winter night, with no heat and angry glances.

tags: gojo x reader, fluff, winter fic

warnings: none, just swearing

word count: 1.7K

awkward, painful silence sat in the car as you and gojo were driving home from the unsuccessful date you two just had. outside the snow wasn't just gently falling, but pouring from the sky, clouding the windows too, the sun was setting on the horizon, pinkish light illuminating the landscape before you.

your arms were crossed, your gaze looking through the window with slightly narrowed eyes as you try to ignore the white-haired boy sitting next to you with the wheel in his hands and pout on his lips.

you barely even remembered what exactly started the arguement between you two, but you were certain that it was his fault and without an apology, the date shouldn't continue. him acting like the annoying, stubborn person he is, just continued the bickering further, not thinking it would really end the whole date.

well it did.

"going on a date together was a stupid idea to begin with" you think with a quiet huff as your grip on your coat tightens.

all your friends were nagging you to go on a date already, shoko stating that she could see the 'chemistry' between you. well it seems like she's blind, because even when you all are spending time together, you and gojo just cannot get along. never.

could he make you ever smile? yeah that happened sometimes. did you notice that sometime's he's acting like he wants to catch speifically your attention? of course you did. did some of your conversations live rent-free in your head? perhaps.

but.

does that mean that you have to go on a whole ass date just to continue the endless cycle of pushing eachothers buttons? absolutely not.

"are you thinking about how you want to apologise?" he looked at you from the corner off his eye, a suppressed smile tugging on his lips.

"are you?" you glare back. "because if one should apologise that is you and you only."

he just looked back at the road, not ready to admit defeat, but deep down knowing that maybe he shouldn't have tried to make you jealous. at least not on the first date.

"i have nothing to apologise for" he then answered with a shrug, immediately regretting the descision. why was it so hard to just apologise to you? he didn't understand.

"nothing?" you scoff. "you know-"

before you could continue on with your scolding, a loud, sudden sound comes from the front of the car, making you jump a little. the vehicle started to slow down on the snowy road until it eventually stopped, gojo pulling in over just in time.

"what happened?" you glance at him as he's trying to start the engine again, without any success whatsoever.

"no idea" comes the not so helpful answer before gojo opens his door, getting out of the car. "stay inside."

you watch him open the car hood, looking into the car. you follow him, standing next to him in the ankle-deep snow and staring at the vehicle. you place your hands on your hips and lean forward in the hope of seeing something.

"what are we looking at?" you ask.

"i told you to stay inside, it's cold here" he says grumpily, not answering your question.

"oh, so you're suddenly now worried? or just missing that waitress?" you say with a scoff which makes him grin a little.

"so you did become jealous! i knew it!"

"i did not. now stay silent and fix the car, make yourself useful!"

he hums, looking into the vehicle like he is concentrating on something, then back at you.

"i have no idea how this works" he says.

"are you telling me that we're stuck here?" you say every word slowly, frustration penting up in you.

"exactly!" a big smile spreads on his lips. "don't worry, i already told shoko to come and get us."

you narrow your eyes a little bit. the wind was blowing hard, your hair blowing in your face, you felt like you're about to become a snowman if you stand there for more than two minutes.

"then why are we even standing here gojo??"

a dramatic gasp escapes his lips, hand on his heart theatrically.

"c'mon love, not the last name!! did this date mean nothing to you?" he whines.

"you didn't answer my question!" i cross my arms, looking around. we really are in the middle of nowhere. not even street lights were around, it was starting to get dark.

"it's adorable to watch as your cheeks turn red from the cold" he finally answers, not surprising you the least.

"i can't help but feel like you're still trying so hard!"

"and the problem with that...?" his smirk widened, making you a little angrier. if he could've just apologised for flirting with the waitress, you two would be in a so so much better situation, but no that's where he draws the line!

you just leave him there before he could say anything, you get back into the car on the backseat, shivering as you already feel the temperature of the car lower drastically, windows becoming somewhat icy, the seats feeling hard and cold too.

you look around for any blankets but get interrupted by the white haired annoyance, dropping himself on the seat next to you.

a sigh of frustration leaves your lips, crossing your arms as an attempt to warm yourself up while staring outside through the window once again.

the car was pulled over in a quite pretty area, a forest covered in soft snow, the lonely branches of the trees holding the weight quietly, a few crows sitting on them before all of them opens their wings, flying away and only leaving two behind. the restaurant he brought you to was higher on the mountain, making the landscape from there even more beautiful.

of course he had to fuck it up.

the moments were slow, every second lasting decades as you two sat in silence, cold running on your body, the shivering was now undeniable.

you glanced at him, he didn't make any effort to warm himself up, he even took off his coat. suddenly unwanted thoughts started to invade your mind, talking about how warm his body must be.

"aren't you cold?" you ask after a few minutes.

gojo's blue eyes meet yours, at first, for a teeny tiny second he seems like he'll smile but then just pouted instead, his hands fiddling with his clothes. if he just held your hand in his, that would probably make the cold more bearable.

"why? you worried?"

you huff, turning your head away again. you knew that your worry was exactly what he wanted at that moment.

"you're just crazy" you answer, expecting the conversation to continue but he doesn't say another thing.

you look at him again, but as soon as you do, he wraps his black coat around you, trapping you with it and pulling you into his arms, your head against his chest, a small yelp leaving your lips.

his body felt warm, but yours started to feel a little bit warmer somehow. the stiffness leaves you seconds later, even though you try not to melt into the hug too much.

his arms were holding you close, his head rested on top of yours, his heartbeats seemed to speed up even if just a little bit.

"gojo-"

"don't even start a sentence like that" he interrupts you with an almost childish frown on his face.

"you have three seconds to say that before i push you away and drag you into that forest." your voice is threatening but somehow he still managed to hear the smile in your tone that you tried to hide with every fiber of your body.

"c'mon, don't be cruel!" gojo whined, glancing down at you.

"two..."

his grip around you slightly tightened as if he was afraid that you'd really pull away.

"one-"

"fine, i love you!!" he said as fast as he could, his gaze turned away.

your breath hitches, eyes widen at the sudden confession, you feel like you've been slapped in the face, in the best way possible.

"you what?" you ask, trying to steady your voice.

at least being cold definetly wasn't your number one problem anymore.

"isn't that what you wanted to hear??" he questions dramatically, raising his voice a little.

"i wanted a fucking apology!" disbelief in your voice as you match his tone.

a few moments of silence comes as he is just staring at you, blinking slowly. you had to admit he looked quite adorable like this, big blue eyes looking at you, a small blush creeping on his cheeks.

"oh!"

you can't help but chuckle at his reaction, a grin appearing on your face.

"so you love me?"

"and if i do?" he huffs.

"then, satoru" you start out, already seeing his expression light up when you finally say his first name. he just loved how it left your lips so effortlessly yet with so much kindness. "you're extremely lucky because i may be feeling the same way."

"i knew it!" he says smugly, trying to forget that he ever questioned it. of course you love him. "from day one."

you raise one eyebrow, glancing up at him once again.

"day one i wanted to strangle you."

he pouts again.

"and now?"

"i still want to strangle you" you say. "but now with a little affection."

he chuckles, pulling you so close that you're basically sitting on his lap at this point. he hides his face in the crook of your neck, his hair in his face, arms around your body as he is still trying to warm you up.

big snowflakes started to fall from the sky, the storm quieting down. all you could feel was his body hugging yours warmly, his scent filling your mind, fogging your rational thoughts as you melt into his embrace.

time slowed down but you couldn't been happier.

"say it" he mumbled eventually.

you sigh, eyes closing while a smile is spreading on your lips.

"i love you too."

after those words, you slowly start to feel like your eyelids are becoming heavier, all the adrenaline from the frustration leaving your body. your breathing becomes relaxed and before you drift into sleep, you have to admit, maybe shoko was right about this whole thing after all. maybe it could work out.

haii!! i hope you had a good time reading this, it's the first fanfic i've ever written so sorry if it's not that good! also, english is not my first language so if i made a mistake feel free to correct me (^-^)

[tsunamiiseas]

I HAD A VISION

Or rather, my brain soup came up with a headcanon for the Earthspark cassettes [and Soundwave in turn] at 11pm-

So in Season 1, Episode 7, "Family and Friends", Bumblebee mentions that Soundwave tried to employ one of his cassettes while starved on energon, only for them to explode instead. Now most of the fandom [me included] like to think this cassette was Rumble, because the angst potential. Bro.

Sooo what if I made it more angsty,,,

The cassettes were like peas in a pod, with Soundwave being the latter. Rumble and Frenzy were twins, and being music lovers, they both donned weaponized instruments to bring to the battlefield melodious murder.

While Frenzy had her laser-blasting guitar, Rumble had an electrifying bass, both metaphorically and literally. They synchronized with eachother, using their respective weapons' high and low notes to disorient and disable opponents: Frenzy made audio receptors ring with her guitar's shrill notes, and Rumble made the ground tremble with the booming notes of her bass. Adding Laserbeak and Ravage's support, the cassette quartet was a force to be reckoned with.

But now, the cassette quartet wasn't even a quartet anymore, because Rumble was gone.

Frenzy could still remember seeing Soundwave's chest explode, with Rumble barely having left it. Armour and wiring turned to flame and cinders, blue and red charred black and brown. She could never forget how Soundwave's chest cavity spewed out parts of his internal frame, how Rumble blew up into a hundred pieces of burning metal, how she could hear them scream till their voiceboxes glitched and their sparks practically implode as one of them died.

She didn't remember much after that - thank Primus she couldn't - because the only memories she did have after witnessing her twin's death was a whole lot of pain, unconciousness and grief. She knew Soundwave didn't forgive himself after that; he still hadn't, and she and her remaining siblings noticed how cautious he grew of all their energon consumption, making sure they had enough fuel all the time. Soundwave didn't even seem to care that he almost died in the process, because he was drowning in the abysmal depths that was grief for the part of him that did die that day. All of them were griveing.

And Frenzy wasn't really the same anymore after that. None of the cassettes or Soundwave were. Frenzy didn't have any rumbling bass to complement her sharp guitar, no maroon to go with her purple, no stupid red idiot to playfight and bicker with. Not anymore, not after Rumble kicked the damn bucket and left a missing piece in each of their sparks. For Frenzy, it felt like half her spark was gone, because to her, it really was.

She didn't even get to say goodbye.

When they came to Earth and saw Lord Megatron with the Autobots, the enemy who they'd been fighting for milennia, who Rumble died against, Frenzy knew Soundwave had every right to be furious. She felt her own anger bubble when the traitor tried to coerce them into surrender.

"Don't make this personal, Soundwave." He had said, as if he was the one who lost a sibling, the one who lost a kid. The former warlord would never understand just how much Soundwave and the cassettes had sacrificed for the war, for him.

Frenzy readied her guitar, digits over the chords that would produce the loudest notes she could muster. That was Rumble's job, and it was supposed to stay that way.

She wanted to rupture the deceiver's audials and make his processor implode within itself - even though Rumble was the one who enjoyed it more than she ever would.

"Autobot sympathizer!"

[angrykittybarbarian]

A list of things that bother me about Dragon Age: The Veilguard Part 2

I already touched on a few things that caught my attention and personally irked me about the game. After getting through some more of it naturally a few more points have come up. Though I think they are not really new aspects but more concrete examples of what I had touched on last time.

Without further ado, let's get into it.

!Spoilers below the cut!

The dialogue is repetetive and at times contradictory

Like I already discussed last time the dialogue is bad, to express it in the simplest of terms. As I progressed through the game I stumbled upon a glaring example for what I mean.

In the questline where you infiltrate a Venatori meeting there is a part where Neve in disguise and in company of Rook and another companion gets a Venatori to admit that Elgar'nan was present but not Ghilan'nain. For some inexplicable reason Neve turns around and repeats this twice as if Rook wasn't present.

But moving on.

I stated in my last post that the game feels the need to state the obvious. This is what I mean. It makes the dialogue feel like a rough draft that was incorporated into the game without further polish.

As of its contradictory nature two examples come to mind.

In Harding's companion quest you meet this dwarf of Kal Sharok. His dialogue is stoic, no bullshit straight to the point and passionless. Which was fine. But after several minutes of him being that way they get to stone statue Valta who speaks in these misteryous riddles and suddenly he switches to this unserious tone of "Oh that weird statue, we never know what she's saying, ain't she funny." (I'm paraphrasing here). I was confused for half a minute because of his sudden change in attitude and left wondering what his characterization is supposed to be now: serious or quirky?

Same thing with Taash's whole story. This is especially upsetting because I feel like they could have done such great work with it.

Instead it suffers so much from several inconsistencies that I felt sorry for the VA because they actually did a great acting job.

Taash has a coming out scene with their mother where they reveal they're non-binary. Ignoring the usage of modern terms in a medieval-ish setting, the conflict about their gender makes no sense.

The writing wants you to believe Shathann is not okay with her child being non-binary but she never actually expresses such a thing. Actually Shathann sort of had an inkling that Taash was no ordinary woman ("Behaves more like a man...") and she never passed any negative judgement on it. When Taash told her this she even tried to understand by categorizing their identity into qunari vocabulary she knew (remember the term aqun-athlok?).

I get how hard it is to have an overly critical mother and the feeling of not being good enough but that was not what Shathann was about in that scene and it did Taash so dirty because they looked more like an entitled teenager than someone suffering from trauma and perfectionism.

Some old characters are mischaracterized

It's Scout Harding. I mean Harding.

I was really excited to have her as a companion in the new installment but they sort of butchered her character that I found myself annoyed everytime she opened her mouth.

And this is because they make her sound so immature. Really think about it. DATV somehow makes Scout Harding sound younger and more childish than she was in DAI despite the fact that she is supposed to be a whole decade older in DATV than in DAI.

I don't know what direction her VA recieved while recording but everything was pronounced so slowly and extra clear that it seemed at times that Harding was either talking to a confused elderly person or a child.

She herself uses expressions not fit for her age. The most jarring moment was when she called the Blight in D'meta's Crossing 'weird' and sounded like a teenager who has stumbled upon furry art for the first time on deviantArt. This pattern pretty much continues throughout the game. And it hurts so much.

Also Morrigan. She at least still uses her even for DA setting standards antiquated vocabulary but she is too happy and cheery and friendly.

Morrigan is not a nice person to those she does not know and like personally. But to Rook she was so nice despite having met them for the first time.

The Morrigan we have come to know love/hate should have been more snarky or at least more neutral in her demeanor.

The Venatori

I don't know why they are still a thing honestly. I was under the impression they have lost all footing after the death of Corypheus. Why would they follow the Gods of the people their country systemically abuses anyway?

Bonus: Why would the Antaam for that matter, as the qunari are so notoriously arcanophobic that they leash their mages, sew their mouths shut and literally call them "dangerous thing"?

Solas' spy network and agents

What happened to them? Where are they? Shouldn't he have a small army? Why weren't they used as the gods' agents instead of the Venatori? Surely, Elgar'nan and Ghilan'nain would have an easier time simply controlling Fen'Harels elven army after imprisoning him in the fade.

The Chantry

It is just not present. Sure there are some Chantry buildings but there is no discussion of faith. In all previous DA games the Chantry has had a constant influence that could be felt everywhere. Faith was discussed and explored from various angles and perspectives, ranging from ultra conservative to progressive. But in Veilguard it's not there.

Why are we not exploring the Tevinter Chantry more? Why doesn't Emmrich discuss the nevarran Chantry, who follows the Sunburst Throne in Orlais, in regards to the Mournwatch, their necromancy practices and magic? Why was he not affected by the mage uprising that started in Kirkwall? How does he deal with faith and the Chantry? It is simply never mentioned.

By all accounts, this game avoids delving into the world like the plague.

[yuanist]

kuroo, you think, has been out here for quite a while now. 

when you left to go meet with your study group—sometime between six-thirty and seven—the snow was just beginning to pile up. it hadn't started sticking to the roads yet, but you could see the vapor slip from the few leaves left on the trees; a symptom of early winter, you suppose. 

now, though, there must be four or five inches out here. the old oak tree that hangs over your building is starting to sag, and the moon seems heavier than it did before, hanging lowly along the glow of street light. 

kuroo is sitting on the steps up to your apartment, looking down at his phone. he has more than a few flakes in his hair, and if it wasn't for the ridge in the snow where he'd pushed it aside to sit, you'd think he'd been out here the whole time. 

"cold?" you ask, shuffling towards him. you can hear the crunch of your feet under you. 

"me? never."

he looks up at you then and, you'll admit, you like seeing him like this. lately, he's been against the whole 'text me before you come over' thing, and you know it's mostly because you don't reply, but, in part, that's so you can see him here. 

his hands are half-tucked under the sleeves of his coat, and there's a stretch of pink from the tops of his cheeks to the tip of his nose. his lips are chapped (you can only assume from being out here so often) and there's a little smile tugging at the sides of his mouth, his tongue poking out from behind his teeth. 

"oh, you want me to leave you out here then? give you a little more time?" you're smug—or, at least you're trying to be, anyway. the more time you spend with kuroo, the worse you are at pretending you don't like him. recently, you've been failing at that more than you'd care to admit. 

"hey, i didn't say that." he sinks his teeth into his lower lip. "plus, what's the point of coming all the way over here if i can't see my favorite girl?" 

you shake your head at him, aiming your chin towards the ground. in a strange way, you feel like you're suffocating.

"you mean the cat?" you ask.

and he chuckles, "sure." 

a beat of silence hangs in the air for a second, before you plod your way up the steps, pulling your keys out of your pocket. you can hear kuroo rise behind you, attempting to brush some of the moisture out of his sleeves. 

"y'know," you say, pushing the key into the door. "if you like coming over when i'm not home so much, i could tell the neighbor to let you in." 

his hood rustles; he's shaking his head. 

"where's the fun in that? kinda ruins my whole 'mysterious stranger' act." 

"also kinda ruins the 'guy stalking the apartment complex' act." you swing the door open and make your way up the stairs. "i'm sure everyone is so enthused by the guy sitting on the stairs every friday." 

a laugh, "oh i'm sure. if they report me for loitering promise you'll come bail me out?" 

"depends on how much i like you that day." you can feel the heat of your apartment as you approach the end of the hall. 

"really," he says. "if they took me in right now?" 

"i would think about it." you pause. "maybe." 

"wow." you can hear the rasp in his voice as he drags out the 'o.' "tough crowd." 

your apartment smells like pine and vanilla—the workings of two little wax melters on opposite sides of the rooms. you turned them off before you left (you double and triple-checked), but the scent lingers, itching at your nose as you cross through the door. 

kuroo follows close behind, scaping his shoes off on the mat before slipping them onto the little shoe rack in the corner. his jacket squeaks as he shrugs it off—a sound so distinctly made from the shifting of wet nylon that you barely have to turn around to identify it. 

every time he follows you up here, you find yourself glancing around your apartment—looking for something that could possibly be out of place. something incriminating: three-day-old dishes that you know you already washed; your vibrator, forgotten on the nightstand, even though you remember putting it back in its designated drawer. 

for some reason, you have a tendency to think that the things around your home that make you distinctly human are also the things that would make you distinctly unappealing. you're aware of how silly the thought is, but there you are, quickly looking over at your nightstand as you stick your coat back in the closet. 

"so," you hum, rubbing a bit of the warmth back into your hands. "to what do i owe the pleasure tonight? you here to eat all of my leftovers again?" 

"depends," he says. "you have leftovers to be eaten?" 

"not this time." you make your way to the couch, and he pouts, following behind you. "but if i did, they'd be all yours." 

"aw, you mean it?" you eye him. "i'm honored." 

as much as you hate to admit it, this has sort of become habit. you come home a little later than expected and you find kuroo sitting on your front stoop. you're not exactly sure how any of it started—or, really, how the two of you became friends in the first place—but you ran in the same circles for a while and, eventually, you ended up here. 

"well," he begins, slinging his arm over the back of the couch. "study group?" 

"boring." you nudge your way beneath his shoulder. "practice?"

"thrilling, obviously. greatest two hours of my life, even. i think you could go as far as to—" you eye him again. "same thing as yesterday." 

you chuckle, swatting a hand into his chest. 

there's silence for a moment, something warm pulling through the air of the room. quiet breaths spill from kuroo's lips, and you resign yourself to listening to each one—in, and out. 

he still smells cold; like the heavy, wet snow you have to shovel off of the porch the morning after a blizzard. for every breath, it lessens, bleeding into the heat of the room, but you let the scent linger at the base of your nose. 

you're not sure how much time you've spent taking in pieces of kuroo, but you know it's more than you ever plan to tell. you know his hands take longer to warm up than the rest of him—he chalks it up to bad circulation most of the time, you know that too; he rarely spends a night at home because he doesn't like sitting in silence; he twitches sometimes, when he's nervous, a little flick of his hands; his favorite color is red but sometimes he's drawn to deep blues because he likes the sky better when it's absent of stars—he says there's something enchanting about the abyss. 

he's too dense to know you're in love with him but too smart to think you're not. sometimes you catch him looking at you after you say something in a tone a little too far beyond friendly and you swear that he knows what you mean. sometimes, you think he's going to break the silence, and, sometimes, you think he never will. 

tonight, he swings his head back, eyes lightly shut, slowly sinking into the back of the couch. you can hear the sputter of your vents and the sound of the wind against the windows—snow still trying to fight its way through the glass.  

you're going to ask him to stay the night tonight—you already know it. you're going to wake up to him on the couch tomorrow, with his hair messed up, and his eyes half-lidded, and that stupid look on his face that makes you want to slip your tongue into his mouth. 

you're going to think about that time you slept together last year—once, after a halloween party—and you're going to think about the way the inside of his mouth tasted; you're going to sink your teeth into your lips so hard that you're going to bleed. 

you're going to consider telling him that you love him, that you always have and you think you always will, and then you're going to ask him if he wants coffee instead—hoping the smell of the pot is enough to make your head feel less fuzzy. 

you're going to wait, and hope he says something, even though you'll know he never does. and then, next friday, when you come home to him sitting on your front steps, you're going to do it all again. 

reblogs are always appreciated! ⋆𐙚₊˚⊹♡

[oshinohoshi]

Oshi no Ko chapter 166 thoughts - the end of all things

So uh... the only positive thing I can say here besides the beautiful Ai art is that I felt sad reading the page where Miyako was hugging Ruby. Everything else left me completely empty

This chapter is either:

A) A self-aware ending meant to show that life is suffering and the idol industry will suck out your soul if you let it

B) Outsourced to someone who skimmed OnK for 30 seconds on Wikipedia before putting pen to paper

It has to be A, right? You can't tell me that the same author wrote both of these pages without the right being ironic

But I don't think so because big brained Akane is the one clumsily narrating this crappy montage masquerading as a real ending

Aqua died for nothing. His sister is now a soulless cog in the idol machine

Ruby is mimicking Ai's speech - "Lies are an outstanding kind of love... We pile on the lies and no matter how hard things get, we sing and act happy onstage. It's a fun job!" But she forgot the rest of it: "Only, I'd like the 'being happy' part to be real. Nobody notices, but we have hearts and lives of our own. Happiness as a mother. Happiness as an idol. Normally you'd have to pick one, but I want both. Ai Hoshino is a greedy girl"

Ai wasn't only a misunderstood girl who worked hard to please her fans. That was a big part of her story but she also broke the rules to create her own family, her own happiness

Ruby, on the other hand, seems to have no real desires anymore, she's just following a path she believes her mother and Aqua paved for her. Never mind that Aqua only wanted it in the end because she wanted it and Ai just wanted her kids to be happy

You can tell that Akasaka is patting himself on the back for making a cyclical narrative where Ruby becomes Ai 2.0 by being commodified, scrutinized, and idolized like Ai was

But it's such a flimsy parallel when it comes to the theme of lies because lying to hide your grief =/= "lies are love" which was the only way Ai knew how to frame her genuine desire to love

And Ai's "I love you" to her kids was true whereas Ruby has swallowed her own lie that being an idol is fun even when you're just doing it to outrun your pain

What this chapter showed us is that the meaning of Ruby's life is to be Ruby of B Komachi and she was put on Earth to sing pop songs. Because that's what Ai did, right? If I remember correctly, her final words were "I'm so glad I got to be an idol #blessed"

My God was the Dome concert soulless. Miyako and Ichigo crying happy tears is a punch to the gut. Doesn't Miyako know her daughter is still hurting?

The last scene is so fucking depressing

Ruby, are you okay? Blink twice if you still remember your life outside the idol industry!

The last two pages work really well as horror. She has a brilliant smile but you can tell that she's dead inside. She's got more merch on her table than photos. Why doesn't she have a corkboard of family photos? Although I more or less have this Ai plushie and it's pretty cute so I'll give this a pass because it's hilarious

I guess the takeaway here is to live for others and life is painful so just grin and bear it. Oh yeah, and inspire other young women to join an industry where they get to act happy and lose their humanity. Cool

I mean I get that it's supposed to be about moving on with your life even while grieving and that's a good message, sure, but Aka's insistence on using the word "lies" multiple times as if saying it makes it make sense ruins the whole thing

The most insane part is that this chapter is a wholehearted endorsement of the lies sold by the entertainment/idol industry

I haven't even said anything about anyone besides Ruby because what's the point? Aka didn't have time to do justice to any of the characters I grew to love

It's clear something went wrong with the timeline of wrapping up OnK. No artist wants to execute a final chapter like this. I'm convinced the film reel edges are Aka and Mengo's way of telling the reader, "we know this is a shitty clips show so don't @ us on Twitter about it"

But it's so much worse than that. Aka really decided to tear to shreds everything he worked so hard on for 4 years. Damn

This is my favorite manga and I'll always love that it gave me Ai, my most beloved character of all time, but this leaves an extremely bitter aftertaste. It's really hard to believe that the same person who wrote vol 1 wrote this.

OnK has been pretty important to me. Reading weekly, chatting with fans, and reaching dangerous levels of Ai brain rot has actually been a helpful distraction. TBH I've been a little too invested in it but sometimes you need escapism. So it's crazy that I'm kind of glad it's over.

But this is why fanfic, fanart, and your own headcanons exist. In another universe, this manga wrapped up beautifully and I was depressed for weeks because I couldn't look forward to it anymore. In this universe, at least we're all suffering together here at the end of all things.

And at least the little Hoshino family is still adorable. Too bad Ai is dead, Aqua is dead, and Ruby desperately needs grief counseling. But NEVER MIND. Look at Ai's smile and the twins' faces. This was the Oshi no Ko I really loved.

[1toreyouapart]

The Lies We Tell

Summary that tells you nothing: Sometimes everything you ever wanted has been right there, within reach, all along.

CW/TW: Angst, fluff, swearing, friends to lovers, jealousy, smut, fingering, PinV, pet names, friends with benefits, more to come as I actually get things written out.

Masterlist

Why Do Men?

Quinn pushed the food around on her plate, barely listening to the man across from her. He was attractive enough, seemed kind. But good God, he was boring. From the moment she walked in he droned on and on about him and what he did for work, how much money he made. His big flashy car he had. Right now she was really hoping that Noah had asked her to stay with him instead. In fact, she had been sure that he would. Instead, he had rushed out of that bathroom and she hadn't seen him since. Not even when she knocked on his door before she left.

Him telling her she had shitty taste in men still stung a bit. Mostly because it was true. And who was it that picked up the pieces after every failed date? Every brief relationship that failed after three months? Noah. Always there to pick up the pieces and put her back together again. She was willing to bet he already had a whole thing planned for when she got home tonight, too.

"You're one of those goth girls, right?"

Quinn snapped out of her head. What the fuck was this guy on about?

"Excuse me?"

"I'm asking because you look like one. Tattoos, dark hair. Dark clothes." He leaned forward. "Bet you're into some kinky shit, too."

Her stomach turned. What the fuck? Did he really just say that? It didn't matter so much that she wasn't goth. Though, she definitely had more gothic tendencies than not. The sexualization of goth girls, however, was too much. It was vile. It was disgusting. God. Noah had been right.

"Mmmm. This date is over." Sighing, frustrated, she got up, pulling out her wallet. "Here's my half."

"Oh, come on. Don't be like that. It's just a question."

"Be like what? Bored out of my mind because you can't shut the fuck up about how great you think you are? Or irritated because you seem to think that goth women exist for your pleasure?" She threw the money down on the table, laughing. "See you never."

Satisfied she walked away, pulling her phone out. Everything in her screamed at her to call Noah, not an Uber. Noah would be there faster. But she didn't want to hear his "I told you so" just yet. That might set her off even more and she was trying not to cause a scene.

The cool night air hit her skin as the app told her a driver was on her way. 15 minutes until her ride arrived. Cursing she pulled up the text thread with Noah, debating texting him that he had been right. Just then, however, her date appeared in front of her, angry.

"What the fuck is wrong with you? You're not even that pretty, anyway."

Quinn's stomach churned, her palms going sweaty as she glanced up and down the sidewalk. There were people. Lots of them. She should be safe, right? Fuck. What had Noah taught her? He had tried so hard to teach her how to defend herself. Now that the time may be here she couldn't remember a thing. Steeling herself for what may happen she lifted her chin, meeting the man's eyes.

"I said the date is over."

"You know, you should be grateful I even gave you the time of day. I make more money in a year than you ever will in your life."

She laughed. Genuinely deeply laughed. This guy wasn't going to attack her. His ego might be bruised, but that's as far as it would go. The type of guy that used his wealth to get sex. If he even actually made that much money.

"Says the grown ass man crying because the girl that 'isn't even that pretty.' Do you even hear yourself right now?"

"Whatever. Good luck finding a man that'll put up with you."

She watched as he walked off, ignoring the tiny crack in her armor that last comment had made. So many failed dates. Nothing lasting more than three months in the last seven years. Maybe he was right and there was something just inherently wrong with her. Her track record definitely spoke to that.

Her phone lit up, letting her know her ride had arrived just as a vehicle with an Uber sign in the window showed up. Thank fucking God. All she wanted right now was her pajamas, a movie, and her best friend.

Tags: @collisionofyourkissmakesitsohard

[lucy90712]

Can you please make a hector fort fic where he spends all his time with his friends and spends barely time with her. Then they were supposed to go on a date together and she waits for him to pick her up, she waits for 2 hours and goes to social media to see if he has posted anything and sees on his story a picture of him and her girl bestfriend having fun playing games. So she leaves the house with her stuff. When hector comes home he realises what he has done and tries to get back in contact with her but he fails. They don't see each other for a while but he notices her walking on a busy street and tries to talk to her. (ending with fluff please)

You: good morning amor hope training goes well don't forget about our plans tonight I'll be waiting for you 

Hector: have fun in class and don't worry I'll be there at 7 as promised 

You: love you 

That was the last I heard from Hector and now it's 8:32pm and he's still not here to pick me up. He promised he promised me he'd be here and that he'd make up for us not spending any time together. I should've seen it coming as he's been doing this for weeks he's promised time and time again that he will come over or we'll go on a date and then he never shows up. When I can finally get hold of him he always has an excuse either he was busy or with friends and lost track of time but whatever it is it hurts. I've done so much for Hector I've been there for him since we were kids and I've been there for every good and bad moment of his football career but he can't even manage to show up for one day or just to see me for an hour. 

We made the jump from being friends to being a couple just over a year ago and for the longest time he was the best boyfriend ever he treated me so well was super attentive and really made an effort to be romantic and take me on dates. I don't remember exactly when it changed I think it happened slowly over time but ever since he's started playing with the first team more he's been busier with training and matches which I understand but what I don't understand is spending every evening with his teammates who he sees all day when he could see me. It might sound selfish but I just miss my boyfriend he's already missed so much like he wasn't here when I was stressed over my big exams and he wasn't here when I got the results and he wasn't here when I needed him most when my mum went into hospital and I was scared and panicking. Just a few months ago he'd never dream of leaving my side during any of those times but now he barely knows they even happened. 

I text him once then twice then three times then I called multiple times but they all went unanswered. My last resort was to message him on Instagram as I know he won't have turned the notifications off for that but I didn't need to message him Instagram gave me my answer straight away. He had posted on his story showing him out with his friends and my best friend was with them too which was a whole other level of pain. My best friend knows all about my troubles with Hector yet she went out with him and his friends anyway and didn't even bother to tell me. That was the final straw I'm not dealing with this anymore I deserve better I deserve someone who will be there for me, not break promises and definitely not someone who makes me feel like this. 

My mind was racing but I quickly worked out what I wanted to do so I grabbed my keys and got in my car. Seeing as Hector wasn't in I decided now is the perfect time to go and get all the things I have at his place and leave the spare key I have that he gave me ages ago because I won't be needing it anymore. When I opened the door I immediately saw all the little things of mine there are that makes Hector's place feel just like my own some of my books are on his coffee table and my hair ties on the sideboard by the door. I spent some time grabbing all my things while trying not to cry that I was losing my boyfriend who I thought was the love of my life. Before I left I found a piece of paper and a pen and wrote Hector a note to tell him his I felt and why I was leaving and then put my key with it. Closing the door I felt like I was closing a chapter in my life a chapter I never wanted to close and one that's going to stay with me for a long time but it has to be done. 

Hector's POV

As soon as I opened the door to my apartment it felt weirdly empty like was something wrong but the door was locked and nothing looked like it has been stolen. Still I had a quick look around and then I noticed a piece of paper on the kitchen counter. Next to it was a key and that's when I realised what was wrong all of y/n's things were gone her books, her hair ties and all of the little things she leaves here were gone and this is her key that's now in my hand not with her like it should be. I knew the note would be from her but I didn't need to read it to know what was going on and what I'd done. I had promised to see her tonight as I've forgotten about the last few dates we've planned but I did it again my friends dragged me out after training and then I got carried away and forgot about the most important part of my day proving to y/n that I will do better. I really didn't want to read the note but I knew I had to I owe her that at the very least.

Dear Hector, 

I have left my key and taken my things because I'm done. I'm done because tonight we were supposed to go out you promised you'd pick me up at 7 and you promised you wouldn't forget like you have been for the last few months but you did. Instead of trying to prove to me that you love me and that the last few months have just been an anomaly you went out with your friends and my best friend leaving me waiting for you, calling and texting you until I saw your story. I can't do this anymore I love you but I can't let you treat me like this so I'm calling it here. I've really enjoyed the last year or so we've spent together but it's time for us to move on as clearly we aren't meant to be. 

I love you and probably will for the rest of my life but this is goodbye. 

Y/n xx

Those words hurt to read. I already knew I fucked up but to see the words written in front of me made it truly hit me how much I'd hurt her. She was the best thing that ever happened to me she was always there for everything no matter what she's been by my side through every up and down and I truly thought she'd be there for everything for the rest of our lives. I wanted her there for every achievement in my career and I wanted to be there for all of her achievements too. She was the one I didn't need anyone else I didn't want anyone else but now she's left me and I don't have my person anymore and I may never have her again. 

After the initial shock I tried to text her to see if I could apologise but she had already blocked me so I tried Instagram but she had blocked me on there too. I should've seen it coming but it upset me that I wouldn't be able to reach out to her and try and make things right or at least tell her how sorry I am for fucking this all up so badly. She's gone and it's all my fault that's what hurts the most if I hadn't been such an idiot then we'd still be together but no I had to go and ruin things with the best woman in the world. 

A few weeks later

Life has been hell for the last few weeks I've really missed y/n I've missed having her sat in the stands during matches and I've definitely missed seeing her. She's been in my life for the longest time not just as my girlfriend but as my friend so not having her in my life anymore and so suddenly as well has been really hard. I've definitely not been myself all of the guys keep asking if I'm ok and I tell them I am but we all know it's a lie they know how much I love y/n and they can see how it's destroyed me to lose her. I've tried time and time again to reach out to her but of course I'm still blocked I even text her best friend to get her to talk to y/n but she says she hasn't seen her or had any of her texts answered either so I have no way of telling her that I'm sorry. 

Everyone keeps telling me I need to try and move on and they're right it's just hard everything reminds me of y/n whenever I go anywhere I see places that we've been on dates to or just places we have memories at. Today I'm going to stop myself from moping about and go for a walk to clear my head as that's what I think I need to be able to move on or at least start to. I decided to go to the nearest park and walk around as it's relaxing and it should be quiet there which is what I need. 

The park was pretty empty there was a few people around; one couple with their baby an older couple feeding the birds and a girl who was sat on a bench with a book. The girl reminded me of y/n her hair was the same colour and reading in the park is something she loved to do. As I walked closer I realised that it actually was y/n she had headphones in and the book she'd been reading in her hands like she so often did when I went to see her. Seeing her made me stop in my tracks I didn't know whether to go and talk to her or just leave her be but then I realised this is my chance to talk to her and get closure at the very least. 

Your POV

Being without Hector has been hard I've missed feeling his touch and having him next to me when I sleep. So many times I've wanted to take it all back and run back to him but I know I can't or he'll think he can treat me like that again or someone else and I can't let that happen. Today is Wednesday which is the day that I had free from classes and usually I would spend all day with Hector so I've been sat at home all day thinking about him but I can't keep doing that so I needed to get outside. To give me something to do I walked to the park with my book. I found a bench with a nice view of the trees and the little pond with a few ducks and let myself forget about the real world. 

I was so in my own world that I didn't notice when someone sat next to me to start with until they sighed which brought me out of my trance. When I looked to my side I think I turned as white as a ghost because Hector was sat next to me with a look of pure sadness on his face. It took a few seconds for my brain to begin functioning again but when it did I leapt up and tried to run away. I'm not ready to face him again not when I've been trying so hard to forget about him and move on I blocked him and separated myself from him so I wouldn't have to do this. Before I could get more than a few steps away Hector placed a hand on my arm he didn't pull me back he didn't even hold my arm tightly but having his hand on me stopped me dead in my tracks. He encouraged me to sit back down so I did and I watched as his hand moved off my arm down to my hand which he held tightly in his grasp so I couldn't run again. 

"Hector" I started to say 

"No please let me talk" he interrupted 

"Ok but you have five minutes then I'm leaving" I said

"I'm sorry and I know move said that a lot recently but I really mean it when I got home and saw the note you left it broke me having all of your stuff gone from my apartment made it feel empty and not being able to see or talk to you has killed me I've missed you so much and I'll do anything to make it up to you" he said 

"How do I know that you actually mean it and that you'll actually change I told you how disappointed I was a million times and every time you told me you wouldn't forget the next time and then you always did it's like I wasn't important to you anymore how do I know that'll change" I said 

"I know I was an awful boyfriend but losing you has taught me a lot I know I can't treat you like that and I'd never dream of doing it again this might seem to much but you are truly the one for me I don't want to ever be with anyone else so please give me a another chance and I promise I'll do better and if I don't I'll let you go" he said 

"Ok but this is your last chance if you miss any date or anything without telling me and giving me a valid reason we're done" I said 

"I'll never miss a date ever again don't worry" he said 

"I can't lie I'm glad to have you back I've missed you so much it really hurt to walk away" I said

"And you'll never have to walk away again I'm here to stay" he said 

He pulled me into his side and leant down to kiss my lips which felt so good as I've missed having him by my side and I've definitely missed kissing him. He let me sit and finish the chapter I was reading before we left the park and went back to his place as he wanted to make things up to me straight away by having a movie date at home which he knows are my favourite. He's definitely off to a good start at making things up to me but honestly I'm just happy to have him back by my side. 

[multifandomdummie]

Zosan first kiss?

Right after they met in Sabaody.

I just know these guys were craving each other desperately when they were apart. At first they thought it was because they wanted to fight and pick on each other, but then they realized there was something else.

And Sanji felt it the moment he saw Zoro emerging on that ship he cutted, a lot bigger and stronger than he ever was. Sanji had to light a cigarette so his thoughts remain control. There was no doubt of his feelings at that point.

Zoro's full body trembled when he heard Sanji's voice for the first time in two years, the scent of Tabacco helped him realize it was not his imagination anymore, the idiot cook was really there, his body not as thin as he remembered, his legs seemed to be toner, only his brows remained the same.

Zoro swallowed thick as he got closer to the blonde one, his whole body felt hot and weak for some reason. The swordsman, after a long talk with Perona, realized that he might not despise Sanji as much as he thought, maybe not at all.

-you are such a headache, you know? - Sanji said as soon as they were together - always wasting time, I knew I had to look for you so you don't mess up my reunion with my beautiful ladies - Sanji smoked his cigarette, slowly - Nami-san would be really mad if you delay us - Zoro grin a little, looking to the cook's eyes, they seem bluer than ever

Sanji felt the air got stuck on his throat. Out of all the ideas he had made on his head about Zoro physical appearance after two years, the missing eye was definitely not on his list, let alone think it looked kind of good on him

-is it for Nami or were you so desperate to see me that you had to come find me?- Zoro said staring at the blonde one - there's no need to hide it, ero-cook - the swordsman started walking to the opposite direction of where they were suppose to go.

-you are even dumber than I remembered - Sanji throw his cigarette at the floor, stepping on it and started walking behind the swordsman who decided to take a turn to his left - fucking unbelievable - the cook had no other remedy than to take the same direction, but at the moment he got there, Zoro was nowhere to be found - you are always such a pain in the ass - Sanji started to complain while he walked through the empty street - always getting lost, always causing trouble, always so, so, so... - Sanji couldn't find another adjective to describe the swordsman when the felt a hand in the back of his neck, making him turn around.

- so what? - Zoro asked as he cornered Sanji against the wall, his other hand pressed against the wall near to Sanji´s head. He started to feel dizzy when his whole body was in touch with the blonde's - just spit it out, Sanji - the blonde had to swallow thick, hearing Zoro saying his name with him this close was definitely making his body weak - am I so what? - Zoro locked his eye on Sanji's, waiting for an answer.

- so stupid, you are always so stupid - Sanji said trying to play tough as he wasn't loosing his mind at that moment. Zoro smiled a little.

- you are driving me crazy - the green haired released his grip on Sanji's hair, moving backwards - you have no idea - Sanji hand grabbed his wrist, preventing him from moving further away.

- why? What's on your mind?- Sanji asked, getting closer again -want to get rid of me? you want to cut me in pieces? - Zoro had to breath slow to control himself, Sanji's soft tone was making his blood heat - want to kill me? - the cook whispered when their breaths were combining again

At this point they were just tempting each other, trying to find out who will give in first, but both are dying for the other, craving it like crazy.

- I wish that was the first thing in my mind, curly, I really do - Zoro clenched his jaw trying to remain focus on anything else other than Sanji´s face this close to his, provoking some dangerous thoughts on his mind.

- is it not? - the cook asked faking confusion - then what is it that you want? Mosshead - Zoro's fist tightened, he was trying to remain calm - is just you and me, no one will see you - Sanji got silent for a second, his craving for it as much as the mosshead is - oh, for fuck sake Zoro, just do it! - in Sanji's head that was an order, but to Zoro's ears that was the cook begging for it.

But the swordsman couldn't take it anymore, his hand was back in Sanji's hair, pulling back to make the cook get against the wall again, kissing him without waiting anymore. Theirs lips frenetically moving against each other, their breaths heavy and agitated. They have been waiting for this for two years, they don't have time for sweetness and delicate touches, they have a desire to satisfy and they need to do it now

Zoro pushed Sanji's head closer as he hand in the wall wrapped around Sanji's waist, he wanted to feel every inch of the cooks body. The cook´s hands were travelling around Zoro's bare chest, trying to save in his brain the sensation under his fingers as the swordsman kisses him with such a fervour.

They stopped kissing after their chests were out of breath, blushing a little after what just happened between them.

- you see how right I was about you being desperate to see me? - Zoro said while raising and eyebrow, moving his hand from Sanji´s hair to his waist, forbidding him from move.

- shut the hell up - the cook frown - you were the one who kissed me first, stupid mosshead - Sanji´s hands slowly moved from Zoro chest to his shoulders

-you were begging for it - Zoro sight moved to the cook´s lips, feeling the urge to kiss him again. Sanji wanted to respond, he really did, but that look on Zoro´s face while looking at him, made his brain struggle to process information.

They looked at each other, silently. They needed to feel that they were real, that it was not longer their imagination. When Sanji's arms were around Zoro neck, the swordsman couldn't help it but to kiss the cook again, this time slower, taking his time to enjoy every sensation. The softness of the cook's lips, the way both mouths danced in synchronization, how their bodies fitted together.

- fuck, you really drive me crazy, ero-cook - Zoro said as their kiss broke, joining their foreheads.

- is because you are really stupid, mosshead - they both laugh a little, trying to decide if they should go or if they wanted to stay s little longer in that dark street Zoro found for them

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~•••~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hear me out!

Sanji definitely learned how to flirt with men in Kamabakka Kingdom and Perona 100% taught Zoro how to behave with the people he liked

But they are still Zoro and Sanji, they need to send the other to eat shit before they eat each other's mouth. That's why I think it happened like that

[soft-pine]

1.14 nightmare // cn discussion of domestic violence and suicide

what an aptly named episode. this is one of the most upsetting episodes of the whole show for me. while it touches on themes that i love - what if the monster was family - the way it handles ms miller is deeply uncomfortable. and max's story is just downright awful.

i do find it interesting that this is the second time this season where dean is arguing that they have to stop someone even if they happen to be human. while sam is vehemently insisting that them being "human" means they have to take another approach.

the first is in faith:

DEAN: Sam the guys playing God, he's deciding who lives and who dies. That's a monster in my book. SAM: No. We're not going to kill a human being Dean. We do that we're no better than he is.

and then again here:

SAM: Dean. He's a person. We can talk to him. 

i've said and i'll say again that dean understands that monstrosity is the result of actions and choices not something intrinsic. i think sam sees monstrosity and humanity as more of an intrinsic dichotomy and that's one reason he struggles so much in season 2. anyway.

but really what i want to talk about is ms miller. and how clear it is that she is also a victim of domestic violence. i understand, deeply, why max is so angry with her and why he sees her as an extension and enabler of his abusers. but i simply cannot fathom a world where max is experiencing the torrential abuse he's suffering where those people are not also harming ms miller deeply.

max accuses her, "You didn't do anything. You didn't stop them, not once!" their old neighbor says, "the worst part was the stepmother. She'd just stand there, checked out, not lifting a finger to protect him." the neighbor's claim always strikes me as a remarkably cruel reading of someone who is clearly also suffering and likely dissociating. like idk man of course i think adults have responsibility in situations like this (and i do appreciate the nod to the cops being useless) but like... "the worst part" THE WORST PART was the stepmother. i kinda feel like the worst part was the abuse, no?

but the upshot of it all is that ms miller's implied abuse seems like it has no witnesses. and that's of interest to me because of some interactions we've already dealt with in season 1.

in 1.03, we get this exchange:

DEAN: ... all that anger, you can't keep it burning over the long haul. It's gonna kill you. You gotta have patience, man. SAM: How do you do it? How does Dad do it?

then this in 1.08:

SAM: Remind you of somebody? Dad? DEAN: Dad never treated us like that. SAM: Well, Dad never treated you like that. You were perfect. He was all over my case. You don't remember?

and at the end of 1.14, sam says:

SAM: Well I'll tell you one thing. We're lucky we had Dad. DEAN: Well I never thought I'd hear you say that. SAM: Well, it coulda gone a whole other way after Mom. I little more tequila and a little less demon hunting and we woulda had Max's childhood. All things considered, we turned out ok. Thanks to him.

listen, i would never argue that john winchester didn't abuse sam. but i think it's interesting that though sam is critical of john's parenting and though he has complaints about how john treated him, he doesn't seem to think john treated dean poorly.

which, we just simply know he did. we know it because john does it in 1.09, 1.12, 1.20, 1.21. and because we're told he did in 1.18, 1.22, 2.01, 4.19, 9.07, 14.11, 14.12, 15.20, i mean i could go on.

and not that i have to filter everything through season 14 episode 12 prophet and loss. but i will. because it very clearly lays out how 1. dean was forced into the role of keeping the peace and 2. john would treat dean badly in ways dean wasn't sure sam was witnessing.

DEAN: I know things got dicey… you know, with dad… the way he was. And I just… I didn’t always look out for you the way that I should’ve. I mean, I had my own stuff, you know. In order to keep the peace, it probably looked like I took his side quite a bit. Sometimes when I was… when I was away, you know it wasn’t ‘cause I just ran out, right? Dad would… he would send me away when I really pissed him off. I think you knew that.

the uncertainty behind, "i think you knew that." ough.

but bad boys goes even farther here:

SAM: Hey, Dean ... I mean, why didn't you just tell me you went to a boys' home? DEAN: I don't know. Uh, it was Dad's idea. And then it just – you know, the story became the story. I was 16.

john told dean to lie to sam about what was happening to him.

so what does this all mean in an episode where dean is somewhat mirrored to and protective of the allegedly bystanding stepmother?

that abuse is shitty, cruel, secretive, and protects itself by pitting its victims against each other.

i don't know i wish i had something a bit clearer to say than all this. but it's just sad.

[sagethegaywitch]

Dimensions: Diasomnia

Male reader

TW: yandere behavior, memory erasing, implied Grim death

Genre: yandere

Here's the link for my other Dimensions: Twisted Wonderland Overblots.

The story will take place in medieval France, the one from the original “Sleeping Beauty” that the Diasomnia dorm is based on.  As the overblot eats away at the characters, they start to resemble and act more like the Disney characters they are based on.  The reader will be called Y/N and Aurora/Briar Rose.

f/f = favorite food

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The feeling of something prickling your skin forces you awake.  You groan in discomfort, trying to stretch out only to flinch in pain.  You're now wide awake and take in the black thorns piercing your skin.  A whole bush full of the sharp plant seems to surround you and you wince as you slowly move into a standing position, your shoes protecting you from the pointy thorns.  Unfortunately, the clothing you're wearing wasn't as fortunate.  The baby blue suit you're wearing with little baby pink details and a white collar is riddled with puncture holes and a few bleed a bit, staining the fabric.  You look at your surroundings, not seeing much but a foggy green sky and more brambles of black thorns.  You manage to push your way through the thorns, looking for a trail or even a building before you hear muffled voices.

“Silver, we're barely 5 minutes from the castle.  How are you tired already?” a loud voice exclaims, scaring a few crows from the trees.

Another voice mumbles but it's interrupted by a yawn so you don't quite catch what he said.

You lean forward, hoping to catch a glimpse of the two strangers, seeing a head of pastel green and a head of white.  Just your luck, your foot slipped and you stumbled, cutting your leg pretty badly on a particularly sharp thorn.  You let out a sharp cry of pain, and the two boys turn to look in your direction.  You fall to your knee, the plants digging into your skin again as you put pressure on your bleeding wound.

“Halt!  Intruder!” the loud one yells as the sound of metal clinking together and footsteps approach you.

You flinch as a cold metal gets pointed under your chin and a sharp blade threatens to cut your neck.  Just as quickly as the blade is placed there, it is retracted as they both gasp.

“Aurora!  By the Great Seven, I’m so sorry!” the green-haired male kneels beside you and wraps you into a hug.  “What are you doing out here?”

“Who are you?” you ask, trying to put some distance between yourself and the person who almost just beheaded you.

“We need to get you back to the castle, Malleus is so worried,” the green-haired boy continues, not really paying attention to what you’re saying.

“Wait, what is going on?  Who are you people?” you question a bit more loudly, pushing the boy away from you.

“Quit with your games, Aurora.  We need to get you back to safety,” the loud one seems upset now.

“Sebek, I don’t think he’s playing a game,” the white-haired boy named Silver interjects.

Sebek looks back at you, looking at your confused expression and injured body, “Do you not remember us?”

“No, I just woke up here.  I don’t remember how I got here or who you people are,” you respond, trying to determine if these two are friends or enemies.

They said your name is Aurora so they must know you and they seem very overprotective of you, maybe it is safe to go with them.  Plus you don’t really see a better option. Sebek and Silver exchange a look before looking back at you.

“My name is Sebek, and that is Silver.  We’re the royal knights of the Great Malleus Draconia,” Sebek explains to you, offering his hand as he stands up.

You take his hand, whining in pain at your leg wound, “And how do you know me?”

“You’re Malleus’ favorite human,” Silver explains.  “But you’re also one of his closest friends and most trusted advisor.”

“Interesting,” you murmur to yourself before letting out a surprised yelp as Sebek swiftly scoops you up into his arms.  “What are you doing?!”

“You’re injured and in no state to walk back, let me help,” is all Sebek says as he starts marching off with Silver in tow.

As the three of you walk back to the castle, you try to learn more about your situation and only learn that you’re apparently in a fae realm.  You notice that Sebek has pointed ears, but Silver does not, but you do not bring it up.  As you arrive at the castle, you can truly take in the magical architecture.  The structure is perched haphazardly on two mountains and there appears to be a swirling storm threatening to bring rain and thunder.  Although it’s dark and aged, you can tell that the castle used to be white-ish in color with a blue roof and golden details, but now the colors have blended together in a sad dark gray color.  You try not to look down as Sebek carries you up a very narrow staircase bridge over a large and very deep canyon.  As they approach the doors, Silver pushes them open to let the two of you in.

“Silver, Sebek, is that you two?” a voice calls out from the courtyard.

“Yes, Lilia, it is us,” Silver responds as Sebek walks toward the voice.  “And we found Aurora too.”

“Oh, my sweet darling!” the voice exclaims as a short boy flies straight toward you.

He looks young and very feminine, his black and pink hair cropped short, barely hiding his pointed ears.  He floats in the air as he starts to poke at your flesh, which snaps you out of it and flinch out of his touch.

“That’s a nasty looking scratch, but not to worry, Father Lilia is here to help,” Lilia declares as he flies away.

“What was that all about?  Who is he?” you ask as Sebek sits you down on the edge of a fountain, taking a seat beside you as he starts taking off a few pieces of his armor.

“That’s General Lilia.  He helped raise Master Malleus and me,” Silver tells you, sitting on your other side before leaning his head on your shoulder.

“But he looks so young,” you mutter, deep in thought.

“Don’t let his youthful facade fool you, Lilia is over 700 years old,” Silver answers, snuggling into the crook of your neck.

“700!  That’s pretty old,” you blurt out.

“Tsk, tsk, tsk.  How rude.  I’ll let you know that 700 is pretty young in fae years,” Lilia scolds as he reappears with a medical bag.

You quickly apologize, an embarrassed blush dusting your cheeks.  Lilia accepts your apology as he kneels in front of you, propping your leg on his knee.  He hums a catchy tune as he cleans the wound, cooing at you when you wince, before rubbing in a healing ointment and wrapping it in bandages.

“Ta da!  As good as new!” Lilia cheers as he stands back up and helps you to your feet.

Your injury definitely feels better now, the ointment must have some numbing properties because you could walk around with a slight limp with little to no pain.

“Now that your injury is taken care of, it’s time to tell Malleus the good news,” the older fae says before he hooks your arm in his and starts leading you out of the courtyard.

As Lilia walks inside the castle, Sebek and Silver start to take off a few pieces of their heavy armor as they follow behind you, but they keep their swords sheathed at their hips.  Inside the castle is as gloomy as the outside, with dark stone walls, dark purple and green decorations, and black suits of armor lining the hallway.  Sebek and Silver push open the doors and hold them open as Lilia enters with you in tow.

“Malleus~,” Lilia calls out into the dimly lit throne room.  “Look who Sebek and Silver found.”

You scan the room, finding the throne elevated by a few steps shrouded in darkness.  Two gargoyle statues stand next to the throne and you notice that the shadows start to move before a dark blur rushes up from the throne and suddenly you’re being lifted up into the air.  You let out a noise of surprise before looking down to see a horned male staring up at you with a scrutinizing gaze. He’s clad in a black and purple robe, the sleeves very similar to wings, the ends of the cape tinged green with flames (Malleus is in his overblot form).  His hands grip firmly into your waist as he brings you down to eye level, looking you down with his glowing right eye before hugging you tightly.

“My Briar Rose, where did you manage to wander off to?  You had me so worried, dear,” Malleus speaks softly as he holds you securely.

“Um…I got lost?” you respond, but your answer seems more like a question.

Malleus tilts his head like a confused dog before sitting you on his hip, his hand holding you steady as he wraps your legs around his waist.  You blush at the position as the male looks over at his knights for answers.

“We found him in the brambles close to the castle, but he doesn’t remember anything,” Sebek informs Malleus as the two knights come closer but keep a respectful distance.

“Got a case of amnesia, eh?  I might have something for that,” Lilia mentions as he pokes at your temple.  “But first, let’s get some food into you.  I’ll whip up your favorite: f/f.”

You perk up at the mention of your favorite food, but the others seem to deflate and desperately shake their heads.  You only understand what they mean when you watch Lilia waltz around the kitchen, trying to cook.  You can only watch in horror as he puts in the wrong seasonings and burns a few components of it.

“Lilia, I think it would be fun if I could help you,” you tentatively suggest from your seat on the kitchen counter.

Malleus stands protectively next to you while Sebek and Silver watch from the doorway.

“Don’t worry, I know exactly what I’m doing.  Plus it’s best not to put too much pressure on your leg wound,” Lilia disregards you as whatever is in the pot lets out a small poof of colored smoke.

“Wound?  I was not aware you were injured.  Show me where,” Malleus starts as he takes your hands in his and looks at you with a worried expression.

“It’s nothing.  I just cut myself on a thorn,” you tell him, giving him a reassuring smile as he looks down at your leg.

Malleus slowly lifts up the pant leg to inspect the bandages on your leg, “I sincerely apologize for not being there to protect you Briar.”

“Malleus, it’s okay, really.  You didn’t know I would get injur - What are you doing?!” you start but quickly exclaim in surprise as Malleus kneels before you and starts kissing your injury.

“Don’t humans believe that kisses will make any injury better?” Malleus asks you innocently as he presses another kiss onto the bandages.

“No…I mean yes…but you really don’t need to do that.  Lilia already made it all better earlier,” you’re a blushing mess but eventually your words convince Malleus to stand up again.

“Dinner is almost done, boys.  Go set up the table and I’ll bring it over,” Lilia calls out as he starts to plate the food.

You don’t get a good look at it as Malleus picks you up, telling you that you shouldn’t be walking with the leg wound, and carries you to the dining room next door.  Malleus places you in the plush seat next to the one at the head of the table before taking the head seat for himself.  Sebek sits next to you and Silver sits across from him just as Lilia enters with plates piled up in his arms.  He sets a dish in front of everyone before taking the seat next to Malleus and in front of you.  You look down at the food, barely recognizing the f/f.  It looks burnt and is completely the wrong color, but you don’t want to be rude so you take a small bite of it.  Even if it doesn’t look good, it actually doesn't taste too bad.  The flavors may have been way off, but it still brought you comfort and was somewhat plateable.  Silver and Lilia both dug into the meal, but Malleus and Sebek appeared to be having a harder time getting the food down.

“Wonderful as always,” Malleus compliments, a tight and strained smile on his lips.

“I agree, this must be one of my best works yet,” Lilia laughs as he scraps his plate clean.  “Aurora, what do you think?”

“It’s pretty good, tastes exactly like home,” you smile.

Home.  Is this your home?  It feels familiar and you feel safe, but deep down you know that this isn’t your home.  But everyone is so nice to you and treats you so well, how could it not be your home.

“Does anyone have room for dessert?” Lilia asks as he collects the plates.

“No, I think I’m full,” Sebek grimaces as he stands.  “I think I’ll turn in early.”

“I agree.  We’ll save your dessert for another night,” Malleus quickly agrees as he stands as well.

You follow suit and Malleus places his hand on the small of your back as he starts to guide you out of the dining room.  Lilia disappears back into the kitchen to do the dishes and Sebek and Silver follow behind you two.

“Tonight you can sleep with me.  I would feel much better if I knew you were safe beside me,” Malleus informs you, looking down at you for approval.

“Of course, but let me reassure you that I’m not going anywhere,” you tell the taller male.

The dragon gives up a very sweet and sincere smile as he stops in front of a door at the end of the hallway.   Sebek and Silver wish you a good night before disappearing into other doors in the hallway.  Malleus opens the door, allowing you to see the four post king-sized bed resting in the middle of the room.  Curtains drape down from the top of the bed, offering some privacy and protection from the open windows.  Walking into the room you can see a wardrobe and vanity table in one corner and a spinning wheel and bookshelf on the other side of the room.

“Do you like making yarn?” you ask, approaching the spinning wheel and tracing your fingers over the wooden structure.

“Actually, you do,”  Malleus tells you as he takes your hand off the wheel.  “You also enjoy making crafts with the yarn you make.  I have chestfulls of little pieces you have gifted me.”

“I hope I can relearn how to do it all, it sounds like fun,” you smile as you move away from the spinning wheel.

You walk to stand at the window, sitting on the ledge and looking out into the courtyard and past the walls to the thorn forests.

“Is it always this dark here?” you ask, gesturing to the sky that hadn’t changed color since you awoken.

“Not always, but I’ve been in a gloomy mood,” Malleus responds, waving his hand and suddenly the clouds start to part and the sky lightens a little bit.

“Wow, pretty neat,” your smile getting a bit nervous now in front of the powerful male.  “Tell me more about yourself.  Maybe it’ll help trigger some of my memories.”

“Well, I really like gargoyles.  We used to spend hours talking about them,” Malleus speaks as he looks outside into the distance.

“Oh yeah?  Tell me about that one,” you point to one right outside your window.

The two of you spend the next few hours talking about the gargoyles decorating the castle, Malleus even taking you to a few different locations in the castle to show you his favorite ones.  Eventually the two of you find yourselves back in Malleus’ room, you cuddled up sleepily next to him as he continues to ramble on about the history of the stone creatures.  When he realizes you are no longer awake, he smiles and kisses your forehead before snuggling up next to you and falling asleep with you in his arms.

~

“Should we wake him up?” a voice rouses you from your slumber.

You groan and swat away the hand poking your cheek.

“Lilia, let him rest,” Malleus voice scolds while Lilia giggles.

“It’s already early afternoon,” Lilia continues to poke you as you sigh and open your eyes.  “You can’t hog him all day.”

“It’s already past noon?” you ask as you sit up and rub the sleep from your eyes.

“You’re just like Silver, sleeping the day away,” Lilia jokes as he sits on the edge of the bed by your side.

“It’s okay though, you had a long day yesterday,” Malleus defends you as he rubs his nose in your hair, his arms still securely around you.

“Anyways, now’s a perfect time to get the day started.  Sebek and Silver are training right now and wanted to invite you to watch,” Lilia mentions as he stands and makes his way to the wardrobe.

Lilia starts to pull out a similar outfit to the one you were wearing yesterday and you look down to find that you changed into some comfy pajamas at some point last night before passing out.  Malleus helps you out of bed and redresses your leg wound which definitely looks and feels better today.  Lilia helps you get dressed before sitting you down at the vanity, helping to style your hair and apply some light makeup.

“It is with a heavy heart that I will be unable to join you this evening with the others,” Malleus says from behind you, his hands resting on your shoulders as you make eye contact with him through the mirror.  “But as a token of my love for you, please take this.”

You turn around as Malleus kneels beside you, presenting you with a small box that holds a ring nestled on a cushion.  Malleus gently takes your hand and slips the ring onto your finger, the metal cool against your skin.  The head of the ring features a shield shape that has horns growing out of its top and thorns curling up its sides, and in the center of the shield is a feisty looking dragon.

“Thank you so much!  I love it!” you jump out of your chair to embrace Malleus, the taller male falling onto his bottom from the impact.

With your arms wrapped around his neck and you on the ground with him, he lets out a small chuckle before returning the hug.

“I leave you two alone for a few minutes and this is what you’re up to?” Lilia taunts as he returns to the room.

You hadn’t even noticed he left to begin with, but his comment brings a bright red blush onto both of your cheeks as you get off Malleus and help him stand up.

“It was nothing, Lilia,” Malleus gives the other male a pointed glance.  “Brair was simply expressing his enjoyment over my gift to him.”

“Right,” Lilia nods but speaks in such a way that makes it seem he doesn’t believe it.  “Anyways, I’ll take him off your hands for you.  Aurora, come along.”

Malleus unwillingly lets go of your hand as you follow Lilia out of the room and down a hallway.

“I’ve been meaning to ask, but why does Malleus call me Briar Rose and you guys call me Aurora?” you question as you look over at Lilia.

“Well, your name is Aurora, but Malleus first met you when you were using the fake name Briar Rose,” Lilia explains before pausing.

You wait for him to elaborate but he remains silent, “Why was I using a fake name?”

You’re caught off guard by the menacing look Lilia gives you, “It’s best that you don’t ask questions you don’t want the answers to.  Besides, with your memory loss, it’s probably for the best that you forget about your past.”

The answer Lilia gives you is both menacing and confusing, and you, now more than ever, want to know who you were before.  If you can’t get answers out of Lilia, maybe you could get some from Sebek and Silver or maybe even Malleus.  The rest of the journey to the courtyard is enjoyed in awkward silence, neither you nor Lilia attempting to make conversation.  Once you reach the courtyard, the sky is still a gloomy gray, but it seems just a bit brighter than yesterday.  Sebek and Silver seem to be in the middle of a sword fight, but both pause to say hello and offer you a good afternoon.

“So what do you guys train for anyways?” you ask as you take a seat on the fountain again.

“We train to protect Malleus and you,” Sebek exclaims loudly as he looks at you in shock.  “Your safety is our utmost priority.”

“That’s nice, but what are you worried about?  I haven’t seen anything dangerous yet,” you question as Lilia walks around the two and starts fixing their postures and sword positions.

“There are many dangers past the walls, you were lucky that you didn’t bump into anything before we found you,” Silver responds, and you wait for him to elaborate but he never does.

You keep quiet as Sebek and Silver resume their mock battle with Lila floating around them offering criticism and suggestions.  Both males seem to be well trained, matching each other’s strength and passion as they swordfight.  Sebek seems to have a more powerful strike, but he tires easily, while Silver is better at conserving his energy and striking only when he has a clear opportunity.  The fight eventually ends with Sebek knocking Silver down with his last burst of energy, but Silver also manages to hit Sebek’s armored stomach in the process.

“Another stalemate,” Lilia decides.  “That’s a good thing, that means you’re both improving and can match each other’s skills.  Now, let's focus on some of your weaknesses.”

Lilia starts to help each boy individually, but the session is interrupted by a large explosion and a puff of blue flames bursting in the distance.  You can’t really see much because of the palace walls, but the other three seem to be on edge and look nervously at the smoking mess.

“See, I told you the outside world is dangerous,” Silver tells you as he gently grabs your arm and starts leading you back inside.

“What is that?” you inquire, mesmerized by the oddly colored flames before the door gets closed, blocking your view

“We should get inside and notify Malleus,” Sebek offers, ignoring your question.

“Yes, let’s move as a group, we’re stronger in numbers,” Lilia mentions as the trio surround you in a protective circle.

With Lila leading the group back to the throne room, Sebek and Silver stand at either of your sides, clutching their swords in their hands as they look down each hallway they pass.  The lighting in the hallway starts to dim as the sky grows dark and stormy and the torches lining the walls blow out.

“Aurora, stay close!” Sebek tells you, but it’s easier said than done with darkness surrounding you.

Through the confusion and the blackness, you run and turn blindly down a few hallways before the torches flicker back to life.  You look around to find yourself in an unfamiliar corridor, your three friends nowhere to be seen.

“Lilia?” you call out, but get no response.  “Sebek!  Silver!”

You can hear them in the distance yelling your name so you continue to call out to them until you get interrupted by the empty suit of armor next to you rattling.  You gasp and create some distance between you and the metal armor as the head falls off and rolls to your feet.

“Human?  That’s you?” a voice comes from the fallen head.

“W-Who are you?  What are y-you?” you ask, bending down to peek into the helmet.

You’re met with glowing blue eyes as a cat-like thing comes out of its hiding spot.  It has flaming blue ears, reminding you of the blue fire in the forest.

“You!  You started the fire out there,” you connect the dots, starting to shuffle away from the creature.

“Of course I did!  I needed a distraction to get inside.  We need to go now!” the cat tells you as he walks towards you and you continue to back away from him.

“Brair!  There you are,” a relieved voice calls out as you turn around to see Malleus standing at the end of the corridor.  “I heard that Lilia lost you in the blackout, let’s get you to safety.”

“Brair?  That ain’t your name,” the creature sounds confused.  “Malleus, what have you done?”

“Brair, come to me slowly, that thing is very dangerous,” Malleus speaks to you softly, like calling out to a cornered animal.

You spare the cat one more glance, pushing away the familiarity you feel when you look into its blue eyes, before walking over to Malleus.

“Y/N, wait!  He’s tricking you, you need to come with me!” the cat exclaims in a last desperate attempt to get your attention.

You pause, halfway to Malleus already.  You momentarily blank out, your old memories flooding your mind as you suddenly remember everything.  There was a mass overblot at Night Raven College and you managed to get stuck in the Diasomnia dorm. You really should get out of here with Grim before something bad happens.  In the moment that it took you to recollect your memories, Lilia, Sebek, and Silver appeared to back up Malleus.

“Briar?  We need to get you to safety, please come to me,” Malleus brings you back to reality as he takes one step closer towards you.

Out of instinct, you take one step away from him and closer to Grim.  Your heart clenches at the hurt expression on the dragon’s face, but it quickly turns blank as you continue to approach Grim.

“So, what’s the plan?” you whisper to your familiar.

“I thought you would have one,” Grim tells you sheepishly, an embarrassed smile on his face.

You sigh and shake your head as the four Diasomnia members start to advance, telling you that you’re making a mistake and that everything will be alright if you come to them.

“I think we should run,” you tell Grim before scooping him up and making a wild dash down the hallway.

You should have paid more attention to the layout of the castle when Malleus took you on that midnight walk, but you turned blindly down the hallways, trying to throw them off your trail.  You yelp as black thorns suddenly block your way, the plants curling up the walls and breaking through the floor.  You quickly run back the way you came and narrowly avoid Silver making grab at you as you turn down another hallway, only to bump into Lilia.

“There you are, Aurora.  Such a silly little game you’re playing,” the older fae giggles as he grabs tightly at your upper arm.

You protest and try to rip your arm out of his grip, even banging on his chest as he starts to roughly drag you somewhere else.  Lilia only lets go of his hold on you when Grim bites at his wrist, causing the fae to gasp in surprise, giving you a chance to break free and bolt down another hallway.  Unfortunately, the next time you get caught, it's by Malleus with Sebek blocking off your only other way of escape.

“Brair, you can’t escape,” Sebek tells you, his sword drawn menacingly.

“Just come to me, dear.  There is nothing to be afraid of.  I can make everything better,” Malleus coaxes you towards him.

“Not a chance, Malleus.  It’s the overblot clouding your mind, I can fix that,” you try to reason with the dragon.

“No, you don’t understand.  You belong here with us,” Malleus growls as he grows impatient and starts stalking towards you.

You nervously look around, trying to find an escape, but you find nothing but an open window.  You groan, but you’re desperate enough to attempt it.  You make a run for the window, but you hadn’t been paying too much attention to where Sebek was and he manages to grab you just as you’re in the middle of throwing yourself out of the window.

“Malleus, now!” Sebek commands as he bear hugs you to his chest, not minding the fact that you’re kicking and screaming with your arms pinned to your sides.

Malleus gives you an apology with his eyes before he taps his finger to your forehead, “Sleep, darling.  Everything will be better when you wake up.”

You try to fight the sleepiness that wash over you, mumbling weak protests as you eventually give in and fall limp in Sebek’s arms, the last thing you hear is Grim screaming your name.

~

The sound of a soft lullaby being sung brings you out of your deep sleep, the beautiful melody almost lulling back to sleep if it wasn’t for the whispered argument also happening in the room.

“It’ll be best if he stays asleep, then he can’t cause any problems,” a voice that seems to have issues with volume control whisper-shouts.

“But he doesn’t deserve that.  I want him to enjoy his life, I want to see him awake and smiling again,” a somber voice murmurs.

“He’ll be waking up soon, so we need to make a choice now,” another objects before he cuts himself off with a yawn.  “Maybe we should keep him asleep for just a bit longer, just to make sure that he doesn’t remember anything.”

“Guys, he’s waking up,” the singing voice stops to tell the others.

You blink your eyes open and are greeted by four males hovering around the bed you're resting on.  A shorter boy sits at your bedside and the other three are near a spinning wheel, having paused their argument to look over at you.

“Aurora, how are you feeling?  What do you remember,” the one by your side asks.

“I’m okay, I think.  Just feeling sleepy, Lilia,” you tell him, his name rolling off your tongue.  “What happened?”

“It’s best if you don’t remember, it was a terrible thing,” the horned male tells you as he moves to sit on your best, reaching out to hold your hands.

His skin is cold against yours as he pulls your hand to his face and nuzzles his cheek into your palm.  You smile, tangling your hand in his hair, the gesture feeling natural.

“We’re still cleaning up the aftermath, so I think it would be best if you went back to sleep,” Sebek offers as he and Silver walk and sit on the other side of your bed.

“Don’t worry, we’ll wake you up when everything is returned to the way it was before,” Silver adds as he leans his head on your shoulder.

“Is it really that bad?” you ask, feeling more awake by the second.

The others exchange a glance, having a silent conversations with their eyes.

“You shouldn’t worry your pretty little head about it,” Lilia pats your head and offers you a sweet smile before giving Malleus a pointed look.

“Let’s get you back to sleep while we finish cleaning up,” Malleus tells you as he kisses the palm of your hand before removing it from your cheek.

Before you can object, Malleus presses a soft kiss to your forehead and you start to feel sleepy again.  Someone helps you lay back down and more kisses are peppered around your face, making you feel all warm and cozy.

“We’ll see you again, once upon a dream,” is what you hear before sleep consumes you once again.

[moongothic]

Madoka is the promise you won't turn from a child, full of hopes and dreams and the wish to save the world, into a bitter adult who just wants to hurt others and ruin people's lives

Madoka promised to be there for you to remind you of the person you wanted to be and to stop you from becoming what you sought to destroy

Madoka made that promise and became the very embodiment of it

[maeryuu]

As someone with issues recognizing my self, listening to the whole SELF-iSH album it's a religious experience.

[darcymariaphoster]

I randomly remembered the other day that I had actually snuck Hetalia into a school project once and got a good grade on it. I don't remember if it was for art or world history, but I did a whole stained glass window scene with baby Canada sitting in front of it. I actually loved it so much, and was so proud of it, that I framed it and had it in my room for the longest time. But my parents, who are not Christian (and this project had no real religious affiliation for me, though it was a stained glass cross, tbf), didn't love seeing it in my room. So they eventually got me to donate it. And it amuses me to think that someone might have that Hetalia art in their house somewhere, thinking it's something religious.

[kumakuma-circus]

everyday i want them to remake p4 more than the last.

[lonely--seeker]

I think I'm going insane. Lately my dreams have been so mundane, it wouldn't be weird if I wasn't just a person that has nightmares 80% of the time, so I now my dreams are so hard to distinguish from reality.

I wouldn't be able tell what was real from what not if it wasn't because last night I went to my doctor's appointment and I was handed new glasses by Harvey just to go back home and find out Laois was cooking something in my backyard.