#to the point that dazai is like whenever they fuck up a mission

[osarina]

ᡣ𐭩 MAKE YOU FEEL LIKE NEVER BEFORE

FEATURING: dazai osamu

SUMMARY: your patience is thinning. despite having a conversation with dazai and being led to believe everything is okay, he's suddenly avoiding you again. luckily, or maybe unluckily, his hand is forced when he realizes that you're not waiting for him this time. whether he likes it or not, this confrontation is happening—except you slowly realize as it goes on that dazai's definition of intimacy is dreadfully different from yours.

{wordcount: 10.4k; ņsfw; fem!reader, pm!reader, i wouldn't say this is angst but it does deal with some references to heavy topics; jealous!dazai, depictions of dissociation (dazai), dazai's on the brink of a mental breakdown for a bit in the beginning, references to abuse (dazai. no actual depictions), references to dubcon (dazai. no actual depictions), dazai is wildly intelligent but not so much when it comes to sex & other forms of intimacy (he is quite uneducated in fact), slight oral (male rec), unprotected sex, sub!dazai, dazai and reader argue for a bit (he calls her a whore - doesn't mean it but still says it)}

AUTHOR'S NOTES: 😒i hope you guys know im sitting here glaring at my computer because i did not want to post this fic. it's been sitting in my google drive for like AGES and im literally having to physically force myself into formatting this post because i wanted to keep it hoarded forever. anyway, read the warnings for this one pretty pls, this fic is a bit loaded—not exactly angst, but it references some heavy topics. let me know if any warnings are missing as always!

“I’m so sick and tired of him.”

You listen as Chuuya lets out another heavy sigh next to you, pointedly taking a sip of his wine, but you don’t even bother to glance at him as you glare down at your phone. Left on read, again, Dazai ignores your message asking him to meet you and Chuuya at the bar. You slam your phone down on the dark wood of the bar top before reaching for your own glass, taking a large gulp of it before opening your mouth to continue complaining, much to Chuuya’s displeasure.

“I thought things would be different after we talked. He moved back into my apartment but he’s still avoiding me like the fucking plague. I mean Christ, I broke up with my boyfriend, came crawling back to him because I knew he was pissed even though he’d rather kill himself—literally—than admit he likes me. Why the fuck can’t he even given an inch? Meet me halfway?” 

“Because he’s Dazai,” Chuuya says dryly. “What did you expect from him, honestly? … And we all know you weren’t going to stick with that civilian.”

“Oh, shut up,” you tell him bitterly. “That’s not the point. The point is I did, and I went right to him, and we talked, and he acted like everything was fine, and now he’s pulling this shit. How is he going to live in my fucking apartment and avoid me at every corner? And whenever I do manage to catch him, he makes up some bullshit excuse about a mission I know he doesn’t have and disappears.”

You lean back in your chair, brows furrowed and fingers curled around your glass. By now, all of the people that had been sitting near the two of you at the bar have dispersed to the dancefloor—if your arrival with Chuuya hadn’t been enough to send them scattering, your foul mood was more than enough to make them give you a wide berth.

“I’m frustrated,” you finally hiss. “I’m just frustrated, am I allowed to be frustrated, Chuuya?”

Chuuya side-eyes you. “Stop fuckin’ complaining to me about it and do something about it, jeez,” he says, hand sliding into his pocket to pull out a cigarette, holding it between his lips as he fumbles for a lighter to light it.

“Have you been listening to a word I’ve said?” you ask, becoming increasingly more irritated as you pull out your own lighter to light it for him. “I tried talking to him, now he’s ignoring me.”

Chuuya has the audacity to roll his eyes, looking at you with an unimpressed expression that makes you want to pluck his cigarette out of his mouth and put it out on his skin. As if he can hear your thoughts, he leans back, giving you a suspicious look.

“I’m not talking about that shithead,” Chuuya drawls. “If you’re so frustrated, go find some sorry bastard to fuck it out of you. We both know that’s all it takes to get you to settle down.”

“Fuck you,” you say instantly, not appreciating how he acts like you’re a nympho. But already, your gaze is carding across the room, trying to see if someone catches your eye. When you find yourself disappointed, you look back at him and ask, “You offering yourself up?”

Chuuya barks out a laugh. “Fuck no,” he tells you instantly. “No way. Don’t even say that shit to me.”

You’re almost offended, squinting at him and leaning back in your seat. “Why not? Like old times. You know what I like, I know what you like, we can make a good night out of it,” you propose as you lean your elbow on the bartop and observe him.

“Because shitty Dazai will never let me hear the end of it if he finds out,” Chuuya says pointedly, taking a long drag of his cigarette. “Bastard is annoying as is, if he finds out I’ve slept with you? It’d be the end of the world.”

“You have slept with me though, Chuuya,” you taunt. “Who’s to say I won’t tell him anyway?”

You won’t, but you like the way Chuuya’s lip curls up in irritation around his cigarette.

“Go ahead,” he tells you. “I’ll tell him all about that time in Osaka.”

You gasp, scandalized. “Chuuya,” you hiss. “You would not. You swore.”

“Try me,” Chuuya says, raising his eyebrows at you, looking all too smug as you flounder for a response.

Humbled, and a bit mortified, you return to looking around the club, lowering your standards this time. You spot a blonde standing in the corner of the club, eyes flitting around curiously as he observes the people on the dancefloor, and a redhead laughing wildly as she spins with a drink in hand, teetering off to the edge of the floor. You purse your lips.

“No one is catching my attention,” you complain, sinking back down in your seat.

You decidedly don’t like the smirk that edges onto his lips as he looks at you, and it’s for good reason, because the next words out of his mouth have your eye twitching: “You’re that down bad for him already? Jesus.”

“I am not,” you spit out, glaring at him before pointedly returning to your hunt, looking around more intensely this time. 

But even as you do that, you start to wonder if that’s why no one is standing out to you tonight. How the fuck is anyone supposed to compare to Dazai Osamu? The thought is ridiculous—you don’t want to tug at blonde hair to pull someone down into a kiss, you don’t want a head of tousled red locks buried between your thighs, there’s only one person you actually want in your bed and he’s been avoiding you since you talked things out with him.

You let out a heavy sigh, considering just admitting defeat, but then your eyes drift to a tall, dark haired man entering the club, making his way over to the bar; his hair is a bit too long and a bit too straight, and his eyes aren’t the right shade, but they’re sharp enough and you’re tipsy enough to willfully confuse them for the familiar brown you desire.

“Nevermind,” you breathe out. Chuuya doesn’t even spare you a goodbye as you slip from your seat to make your way over to the man, lifting his hand in a lazy wave. “I found someone.”

Chuuya was right.

You think maybe you should stop doubting him as much as you do. This is not the first time that you’ve fought him tooth and nail about something only for him to be proven right in the end. But you’re not going to tell him that because he has a big enough ego and you’re not going to feed into it.

Dealing with Dazai’s fickleness the past two weeks has been much easier now that you’re fucking out your frustrations with strangers as soon as he’s gone for the night on whatever mission Mori assigns him. You take his aloofness in stride, ignoring the way he blows you off and avoids you in your own home. You think it’s bothering him, actually, because now when you walk past him without a second glance, you can see the way he hesitates from the corner of your eye, an indecipherable expression crossing over his face.

Good, you think. You hope he feels like shit. 

You let out a soft breath as you tilt your head to the side, giving the man you’re with better access. From the corner of your eye, with the tousled brown hair, you can almost pretend it’s him, but you know it’s not. His hair isn’t as soft as Dazai’s, who all but hijacked your expensive shampoos and conditioners, and you can’t feel the bandages that should be tucked beneath the tufts of hair. Your mind starts to drift, comparing how you think Dazai’s touch would be to this man’s. When you first kissed him, he was unsure and hesitant, would he still be now? Or has he grown more confident? You think he must’ve, you’ve seen him with people during events, lips tilted up in a sensual smile, lashes fluttering as he leads them into one of the backrooms. 

Sick and unfair, you think to yourself bitterly.

You let out a heavy, disappointed sigh.

“You good?” the man asks—you don’t remember his name, you don’t even know if you cared to ask. His voice is distinctly different from Dazai’s low hum whenever he teases you, a total immersion-break from your desired reality.

You roll your eyes, irritated. “Don’t speak.”

The man lets out a noise of agreement, fingers biting a bit harder into your waist as he continues kissing down your neck. You don’t really mind, the sting is nice, just enough force to draw your mind away from Dazai. The sigh you let out is more pleased now, eyes slipping shut as his hands slide up your body, kisses trailing down your neck to your collarbone. His lips are too soft; Dazai’s are horribly chapped no matter how much chapstick you force on him.

Dazai is out on another “mission”. You don’t even know if it’s a real mission or if he’s just claiming it’s a mission so he doesn’t have to stick around the apartment while you’re there, lowering the chances of running into you. For all you know, he’s just going back to that shitty shipping container he spent a year in and hanging out there until you leave for one of your own missions or a meeting. He looked particularly sullen as he left earlier, casting looks back to where you’d disappeared into the kitchen, not realizing you could still see him before he finally left your apartment. 

He’s such a pain in the ass, you think, getting irate again as he drifts back into your thoughts. He makes everything so difficult, things would be so much easier he just admitted that he wanted to be with you. You really don’t know how much more of this back and forth, wishy-washy shit you can take from him. You care about Dazai. You do. Probably more than anyone else in your life and you’re sick of him taking it for granted. 

You hum in approval when the man lifts his hands to your button-up, hesitating as he waits for your consent, and your gaze flicks up to the ceiling as he continues kissing down the revealed skin; from the crook of your neck to your collarbone, between your breasts, he unbuttons all the way to your navel.

You find yourself a bit bored, counting the specks on the ceiling, taking note of the crack that you’re sure is somehow Dazai’s fault. You think there must only be two more buttons left for him to undo before you can slide the shirt off of your shoulders but you start to feel uncomfortable under his touch, you feel prickly and his lips trailing down your body makes your skin crawl.

“Off,” you finally say, voice sharp. You press your hand against his shoulder to push him off of you, sitting up straight to sit properly on the couch. You scowl as you fumble through your pants pockets to find a cigarette.

This is Dazai’s fault somehow.

“Did I do something wrong?” the man asks hesitantly, trying to shift closer to you again. “I-”

“No,” you say bluntly, lighting the cigarette and lifting it to your lips. “Get out of my apartment.”

The man hesitates, you can feel his eyes lingering on you and you’re becoming increasingly more irritated, shooting him a glare from the corner of your eye until he finally rises to his feet, buttoning his shirt as he makes his way over to the elevator. You slump back against the couch, sighing as you look up at the ceiling and take a long drag from your cigarette.

Dazai’s fault. As soon as he crossed your mind, your whole demeanor had changed and you try to convince yourself that it’s because you just don’t know what his issue is. You don’t know why he’s avoiding you, you don’t know what changed after you met with him at the bar; you thought things would be good between the two of you. You thought you’d be able to be with him now that nothing’s left in your way but evidently there still is something preventing the two of you from being together and it’s something that Dazai is not sharing with you.

Bastard, you think bitterly, about to pull out your phone to send Chuuya a very irritated and very foul message about Dazai but before you can, the elevator leading up to your floor bings and you look up to watch the man you’d invited over leave.

Except as the doors slide open, you realize that someone is already standing in there.

You sit up straight when you see Dazai standing in the elevator, black gaze trained right on the man leaving your apartment. His movements are almost robotic as he steps out of the elevator, his head twisting to follow the man as he steps in the elevator. He looks distinctly unnerved as Dazai’s soulless gaze tracking him until the elevator doors slide back shut.

It’s only then that Dazai only turns to look at you. His face is eerily void of emotion as he looks at you, gaze dipping down to your unbuttoned shirt and the light bruises blooming on your neck and collarbone. You tilt your head to the side as you observe him, wondering if he’s going to say something, but he only stands there staring at you.

“I thought you had a mission,” you finally say, leaning forward to put your cigarette out on the ashtray on the coffee table to button up your shirt half way so you’re not nearly undressed. When you finish, you pick up your glass of wine and take a sip. “You’re back early.” 

“I finished early,” Dazai replies, monotonic. 

He doesn’t budge from where he’s standing, limbs stiff and face blank. You glance down, noticing that he’s holding something in his right hand—a bag, takeout, maybe? Looks like it’s from that place in Hodogaya-ku that you like. 

“What’s that?” you ask, nodding toward the bag. Dazai follows your gaze down to it, staring at it as if he doesn’t even know what it is. You frown, becoming a bit concerned as you rise to your feet. “Dazai, you good?”

Dazai’s gaze doesn’t leave the bag for a second; after what feels like an eternity, he finally looks back up at you but he doesn’t even seem to be looking at you, rather it feels like he’s looking through you like you’re not even there.

“I got food,” he says blankly.

Your eyes widen a bit, wondering if this is meant to be his apology for being an asshole the past few weeks. Dazai never apologizes—he disappears until he can act like nothing happened or he does something to make up for what he did, but he doesn’t ever acknowledge what he did. It’s frustrating, but you’ve gotten used to his quirks over the years. You’d been wondering why he seemed so melancholic before he left.

You nod at the spot next to you on the couch, accepting the apology and sitting back down. “I’ll put on a movie.”

Dazai looks at the spot like it’s been poisoned, expression finally twisting from the emptiness into one of disgust.

“What?” you demand, offended.

Dazai doesn’t even respond to you; you can only stare in disbelief as he turns on his heel and walks in the direction of the kitchen. You don’t budge for a second, staring in shock to where he disappeared to, but after a few moments, you force yourself up to your feet and follow after him.

Your mind races as you make your way down the short hall into the kitchen, standing in the door frame as you watch him put the bag of takeout on the kitchen counter, pulling the different containers out of the bag and then opening the fridge. His movements are stiff and abrupt, almost robotic, and your irritation slips away when you see the expression on his face.

Closed-off. Withdrawn. Very reminiscent of the look on his face from that time he came back to your apartment after a mission that went wrong post-Dragon’s head Conflict, right before he had his first breakdown in front of you. He’d been trying to hold it all back, desperate to not lose control in front of you, but it was to no avail because it only made it worse.

“Dazai, what’s wrong?” you ask carefully as he stuffs another container into the fridge, so roughly that the plastic almost snaps. “Dazai-”

“Nothing,” Dazai responds sharply, voice cold and cutting but the way he takes in a sharp, shaky breath betrays him. “Nothing is wrong. Nothing.”

“Okay, that’s a lie,” you say flatly, sighing to yourself. “Can you just-”

“You’re the liar,” Dazai cuts you off, voice shrill and defensive in a way you’ve never heard from him before. Something crosses his face: a weird mixture of panic, anger and distress, like he knows he’s losing control of his emotions but he can’t stop himself. You don’t usually have such a hard time reading Dazai—it’s difficult, yes, but not as impossible as it currently is. It’s stressing you out because you don’t know what’s wrong and he’s clearly working himself up more over it. “You’re the liar. You’re the liar.”

Your eye twitches. Three breaths in and three breaths out. Now’s really not the time for you to lose your temper on him considering he’s on the brink of a mental breakdown for whatever reason. But you’re pissed, you don’t know why he’s calling you a liar and you don’t know what is going on, and you don’t want to deal with this especially after he just spent weeks ignoring and avoiding you.

“What did I lie about, Dazai?” you ask tightly, nails digging into your palms as you wait for a response. “Please, enlighten me.”

Dazai doesn’t respond, jaw tightening as he resumes tossing the food into the fridge.

“Dazai, stop,” you tell him, taking a step forward when he finally gets to the bottom of the takeout bag and slams the fridge shut so hard that it rattles. He grabs the empty bag and is about to storm over to the garbage can but before he can, you reach forward and grab his wrist, stopping him. “Will you fucking talk to me?”

“Let go,” Dazai hisses, trying to rip his arm from your hold but your fingers are too tight around his wrist, his bandages rough against the pads of your fingers—you don’t know why he’s still using those old scratchy ones when you stocked up with the softer ones but it only serves to irritate you more because why are you going out of your way to do nice things for him if he’s just going to toss it to the side? “Let go of me.”

“Tell me what your issue is,” you demand. “I’m done playing games with you, Dazai. Grow the fuck up and communicate.”

Dazai’s eye is wide and wild, looking far too much like a cornered animal as he bares his teeth at you and tries to yank out of your hold on him again. “My issue is that you’re a whore,” he spits out. “Let go of me. Now.”

You let go of him.

Instantly, the anger in Dazai’s face fizzles away. His eye is just as wide but his expression is lax, lips parted as if he’s only now just registering what he said. And you know he regrets it, you know that Dazai lashes out when he feels cornered; he becomes cruel and vicious, desperate in his attempts to protect himself when he feels vulnerable and since Dazai is Dazai, he knows how to hurt people. Knows exactly where the chinks in your armor are, drives the dagger in deep and twists it.

But even knowing this, it still hurts hearing that from him of all people.

“Okay.”

Your voice is quiet, you don’t even waste a second before turning on your heel and leaving the kitchen.

“Wait,” Dazai calls after you, voice wavering. “Wait, I didn’t…”

He can’t even finish the sentence because Dazai is Dazai and he doesn’t apologize and he doesn’t admit his wrongs. Doesn’t admit that he lost control and said something he didn’t mean to say. Would rather preserve his false visage of control than do anything like that.

“Where are you going?” Dazai asks and you can hear him trailing after you, words drawn long and shaky. “Hey, wait-”

You don’t know where you’re going. Leaving your apartment, you think, considering your feet are moving right to the elevator, but once you leave the building? You’re not sure. Maybe you’ll head over to Chuuya’s and crash at his apartment for the night, maybe you’ll go get shit-faced at a bar. You don’t really care, you just don’t want to be anywhere near Dazai right now. He’s put you through enough the past few weeks for you to stand here and take this shit from him. 

“I don’t know, Dazai,” you say, voice cold and sharp. “Maybe I’ll go find that guy I kicked out and finish the job if I’m such a whore.”

Dazai inhales sharply from behind you. “What?” he breathes out. “No. No. I didn’t-”

“You didn’t what?” you scoff, not even looking back at him. “Didn’t mean it? You can’t even bring yourself to say it, Dazai. Clearly you did.”

That’s not true, you know it’s only Dazai’s pride that prevents him from forcing those words out, but you know it makes him flinch and you know it makes him hesitate. You also know how to target chinks in armor.

“No,” Dazai tries again, more insistent this time. You can hear him speeding up behind you when he realizes you’re going for the elevator. “No, you don’t need to do that. I don’t-I don’t get you. I don’t get this. I don’t get any of this.”

He sounds confused, borderline distressed—you don’t even know what he’s talking about, what he’s so confused and distressed about. How could you? He never explains anything to you, never communicates.

“You don’t get what?” you demand, reaching out for the button of the elevator but Dazai lunges forward to grab your wrist before you can. You finally turn to look at him, catching the way his jaw is tight and the strange emotion swimming in his eye. “You don’t get what, Dazai? Spit it out.”

“Why are you still sleeping with other people?” he asks, voice hitching. “You have me. You don’t need anyone else.”

You can’t help yourself—you laugh in Dazai’s face.

“No way,” you say immediately.

You don’t mean it in the way it comes out. You know it comes out as if you’re saying you’d never sleep with him, but you’re more so saying no way because you can’t believe he has the audacity to say this to you after he just spent weeks avoiding and ignoring you. 

Is this what his issue is? He doesn’t know how to cope with emotions so he evades and lashes out and just expects you to stick around waiting until he grows up? Fuck him. You deserve better than that, you waited long enough, you thought you were done with these games with him.

You don’t miss the way Dazai’s expression crumbles at your words, the way he stares at you, lips parted in disbelief. You don’t correct yourself, a part of you is happy that you can get your own knife in even if you do know you’ll regret it later. 

“What do you mean no?” Dazai’s voice wobbles a bit before he takes half a step back. His fingers are weak around your wrist but he doesn’t let go, feels a lot like a child clinging to their parent’s shirt. “What-I-I’m here. You want it, you were just going to-”

Not that that’s even the issue anymore, but you’re definitely not in the mood now. Honestly, you just want to go to bed. Your head hurts and Dazai is stressing you out and pissing you off all at the same time, plus you have no interest in fucking him when he seems like he’s on the verge of a mental break anyway.

“No, I don’t. I changed my mind,” you say, frustrated. “I’m tired. I want to go to bed.”

“No,” Dazai replies, voice pitched and tinged with something too close to desperation. “No. You want me and I’m here, so you should-”

God, what the fuck is your life? You’re so frustrated that you want to pull your hair out and scream at him.

“Enough, Dazai.” You raise your voice at him. “Enough. I don’t want you. I want to go to bed.”

“No,” Dazai insists and your eyes widen when you feel his grip tighten on your wrist.

“Daz-” You start to say but you can’t even finish his name, cut off by his other hand finding its way to your hip, pressing you back against the closed doors of the elevator as he dips his head down to capture your lips with his own, swallowing your protest before you can even get it out. 

You think absently that you were right earlier when you were letting your thoughts wander to what kissing Dazai would be like. He’s no longer unsure and hesitant with his touches, his lips slide against yours with the expertise of someone who’s spent a lifetime kissing. The hand on your hip slides up your body so that he can hold your jaw, tilting your head back to deepen the kiss. And you shouldn’t be indulging this, you know that—Dazai pissed you off, he has some nerve calling you a whore and then whoring himself out to you—but his lips are intoxicating, you can hardly think straight with them pressed against yours. 

He has your right hand pinned to the metal behind you, fingers curled tight around your wrist as he holds you in place. The way he kisses you is familiar, almost, and your brows furrow as you try to figure out why until feel his fingers brush through your hair, slow and lingering, dizzying, right before his tongue darts out to swipe across your bottom lip—a pattern of actions that you usually take to make your partners more malleable. 

Did he teach himself this just by observing the way you act with people at events?

You don’t fall for your own tricks though, so instead, your free hand drops to his waist, fingers slipping through his belt loops as you press into him, pushing off the elevator to walk him backwards down the hall to his bedroom. He lets out a surprised noise in the back of his throat, letting you walk him back; his fingers fall from where they’d been around your wrist and you take the opportunity to hook yours around his other belt loop, keeping his body flush to yours until you have his back pressed against his bedroom door.

You notice, a bit absently, that Dazai is a lot more pliant now with you in control. His hands are loose at his sides as if he doesn’t know what to do with them—much like when you shared his first kiss with him—and he still kisses you back, lips moving slowly against yours, but it’s not with the intensity he had when you were pinned to the elevator door.

Strange.

You think kissing Dazai is a lot like a drug, one that you got your first hit of two years ago when you offered to be his first kiss but then never had another chance to get another taste of. You were bitter when he first started following in yours and Chuuya’s footsteps in taking people to bed to unwittingly ease information out of them—you’d find yourself watching him like a hawk as he drew people into secluded corners, as he pressed his lips against theirs and let their hands explore his body. You’d hardly be able to draw your eyes away once, not until he eventually led them out of the area to a bedroom.

You hated it. Truly. You like to tell yourself that you’re not jealous but you know it’s a blatant lie. As much as people would sell their souls to spend a night with you, they’d be just as desperate for one with Dazai because Dazai is Dazai. He’s untouchable. The Demon Prodigy. The Port Mafia’s Black Wraith. The youngest executive in history. He can be smooth and charming, yes, and he’s undoubtedly handsome. But more than that, he’s dark and unfathomable in a way that piques peoples’ interest in a sick and perverted fashion—they want to know what he’s like behind closed doors, they’re terrified of him but they want him, be it because of morbid curiosity or sheer lust.

And you hated that other people got to be with him in ways you couldn’t. Your only consolation seems to be that he had his eyes on you as much as you had yours on him, seeing how he’s pretty much perfectly mimicking the way you kiss and touch people, but you don’t know if that’s just because he was trying to learn through observing you—as he does with everyone—or if he hated watching you with other people just as much-

Oh.

Oh, you’re so stupid.

“You were jealous,” you realize, understanding what had triggered Dazai’s meltdown with the takeout food and insults toward you. Dazai stiffens against the door and you take the opportunity to trail your lips from his down to his jaw. “You were jealous over the guy I had over.”

“No-”

“You were.” You don’t even let him finish the protest, nipping at the spot beneath his ear gently and watching how he shudders. “How cute.”

“It’s not cute.” Dazai bristles. “You-you weren’t supposed-you’re not supposed to keep seeing people. I thought you were done with that. I thought we were-”

“We were what?” you ask coolly. “You avoided me for weeks after we talked, Dazai. Whatever we may or may not have been after we talked at the bar, it’s nothing when you start actively ignoring me for weeks after that.”

“But-”

You’re getting irritated again. “Dazai, you ignored me for weeks. I was pissed off and frustrated. And when I’m pissed off and frustrated, if I don’t have some way to relieve my stress, I do something stupid. Something stupid like putting a bullet in you the next time you stepped into my apartment after actively going out of your way to avoid me.”

“I was going out to get food,” Dazai says sullenly as if you were supposed to know that. “So we could watch a movie.”

“Last I recall, telepathy isn’t exactly part of my ability, Dazai,” you say dryly, calming yourself down by leaning in to brush your lips against his again.

A drug, you think again as the anger melts away when you feel his breath hitch against your lips. You reach behind him to open his bedroom door, guiding him in as you kiss him slowly. He’s fumbling again, unsure what to do with his fingers, clumsily moving his lips against yours until the back of his knees hits the bed, and he goes flopping down back on it. 

You snort at the surprised look on his face, joining him on the bed as you straddle his hips. You hover over him for a second before leaning down to give him another chaste kiss, enjoying the way he tries to chase your lips when you pull away.

“Tell me why you were avoiding me,” you say quietly as you lift a hand to cup his cheek. 

A foul move, you know. Dazai is always weak to gentle touches as much as he tries to pretend otherwise. You’ve noticed it when you watch movies with him and when he curls into bed with you on nights he can’t sleep. Just as you expect, he leans into your touch, lashes fluttering.

“Dazai,” you urge, “tell me why. What did I do?”

You didn’t do anything, you think bitterly, but you figure taking responsibility will be the easiest way to get him talking. You’ll fight about it later.

Dazai, to your surprise, turns his face away from you and your touch, a faraway look in his eye as he stares at the wall.

“You didn’t do anything,” he says. “I just didn’t-”

He cuts himself as if he can’t even bring himself to say it, and you know you have to do something because he seems to be withdrawing even more into his own head, eyes growing more distant with each passing second. You turn his head so that he’s facing you again and you lean down to press your lips briefly against his.

“You didn’t what?” you ask him.

Dazai still looks like he doesn’t want to answer, conflict spreading across his face as he stares up at you before he sighs and averts his gaze. “I don’t understand any of this. I didn’t want to disappoint,” he says so quietly that you barely hear him.

Your brows furrow. 

“Disappoint?” you question, a bit baffled. Dazai has a complex about failure. You know that too, have known it since you were sixteen. He can’t handle it, nothing makes him spiral quite like the idea of failure—you and he are quite similar in that regard—but you don’t understand what he means in this context. “Disappoint with what?”

Dazai doesn’t answer, doesn’t meet your eyes either, and your mind races to figure out what he might be referring to. You recall how he became hesitant and unsure when you finally took control, fingers twitching at his sides, body pliant as you moved him around, almost like a doll for you to maneuver as you pleased.

“Disappoint with this?” you finally realize, watching as he grimaces, confirming your suspicions. Your chest drops. “You avoided me because… you didn’t want to have sex?”

That makes you feel a bit sick to your stomach because what does he think of you if he went to this length to avoid you just because… Dazai’s entire body jolts at your words as if realizing how they came across.

“No,” he pushes out instantly. His hands dart out to cling to your shirt as if he’s worried you’re going to leave. “No, no. I want to. I do. Not just this… just in general. Everything. Me… This is just one part of it… the easiest to make mistakes with. I don’t like making mistakes.”

It’s only mildly reassuring.

“Dazai…” You start to say, pulling away, but his hands dart up to grab your waist so he can hold you in place on top of him. You think maybe the two of you need to talk. Again. “I just, I don’t understand.”

“I want this,” he repeats again, hands sliding down from your waist to curl his fingers around the hem of your shirt. He sees that you’re not convinced by his words so he pushes out a “Please” that nearly stops you in your tracks because you don’t think Dazai Osamu has ever begged for anything in his life.

You lean down to press your lips against his again. You set the pace this time, lifting your hand to cup his cheek—you pull the same move that he tried with you, nails gently scraping his scalp as you brush your fingers through his hair. Dazai melts into it in a way that you didn’t, lashes fluttering and lips parting instinctively, letting you deepen the kiss. Dazai’s breath catches as you push your tongue into his mouth, shivering when you trace the back of his teeth. 

Too pliant. All of the confidence he had earlier when he had you pinned to the elevator is gone. His breath wavers against your lips, and his fingers tremble as he grips at the hem of your button-up. Not a firm grip like you’d have anticipated, with his fingers digging into the plush skin of your hips as he grinds you down on his cock; instead, his fingers are clinging to the fabric as if he’s too overwhelmed to even think of grabbing your body.

“Tell me what you like,” you say quietly, fingers still absently carding through his dark locks as you kiss down his neck. Your other hand slips beneath his dress shirt, smoothing out over the bandages wrapped around his torso. “I want to know, wanna make you feel good.”

Dazai’s lips part to respond to you, but the only thing that escapes them is a pitched gasp—high and cracking in desperation, grip on your shirt so tight that you think he might rip it. He’s already hard, can feel his cock straining against his black pants, pressed against your thigh.

“I don’t-” Dazai’s voice is ragged; he sounds overwhelmed, almost confused. “I don’t know.”

“Hm?” you prod, nipping his neck and relishing in the way his whole body shudders at the feeling. “C’mon, Dazai, you’ve done this before. Tell me what you like.”

His gasp is choked when your hand tightens on his slim waist, lashes fluttering as his eyes roll back. More pliant and more sensitive, you note curiously, kissing back up his neck to tug at his earlobe with your teeth, a shiver running down your spine at the broken moan Dazai lets out into your ear. He jolts, eyes widening and face flushing—he looks as if he’s startled himself by the noise that escaped his lips, and you start to become a bit suspicious.

“I don’t know,” he tells you, sounding confused and frustrated. “I don’t know. It’s never felt like this before. How are you doing that?”

You pause.

You make a soft noise in the back of your throat, pulling your face back from his ear to look at him carefully because why is he acting like he’s never done this before? You know he’s slept around a lot. He picked it up over half a year ago when he got tired of hearing you and Chuuya brag about how easy it is to get things out of people like this. Made a point of making sure you knew about it when you had your boyfriend.

It’s never felt like this before.

Your chest swirls, and you feel a bit disconcerted as his words finally process. It’s never felt like what? Dazai doesn’t know why you’ve stopped, you can feel him tugging at your shirt, hazy eyes trying to focus on you. You wonder if the gears in his head are turning, realizing something might be wrong but unable to pinpoint what.

You kiss him to distract him, deeper this time. You press his head back against the soft pillow, one hand sliding to cradle the back of it as you try to break all of the quick-moving cogs in his brain so you can think in peace, cursing the fact that his mind has always been quicker and sharper than yours.

Dazai is Dazai. He’s smooth, charming—when he wants to, he could seduce anyone into his bed. You’ve watched him do it at events, sidling up close and leaning in to speak to people, dark eye lidded and voice low, a slow smirk curling at his lip as he brushes his finger lightly against the target’s lower back before guiding them out of the room. Christ, he’s nearly flustered you on more than one account. You want to say that he’s not the same kid who was nervous to kiss you two years ago, but he clearly is with how he’s reacting to your kisses and touches right now. But he shouldn’t be—maybe it’s because it’s you he’s with, maybe he’s just nervous because it’s you and not some random person he’s seducing for information.

But that doesn't explain the comment. Doesn’t explain it’s never felt like this before. 

“Never felt like what?” you ask as you kiss the corner of his lips and down his jaw again, all the way to the line of bandages peeking out from his dress shirt. You undo the first few buttons, watching the way his chest rapidly rises and falls under your touch as you smooth your hands over his chest. “Hm?” 

“I-I don’t know,” Dazai says, voice cracking and another breathy sound spilling from his lips as you kiss the underside of his jaw. “It’s just-it’s usually just-it’s not this.”

That doesn’t help you at all, you think. You’re about to press, but your lips on his skin have evidently made Dazai’s lips looser than they typically are because you don’t even have to voice a clarifying question to get him talking again.

“The way you’re touching me. Kissing me. It’s not like this, doesn’t feel so good,” he continues and you can hear the whine building in the back of his throat as he speaks. “It’s just sex.”

You slide his button-up off of his shoulders, revealing his bandaged body to you. You don’t make any move to remove them, but now you stare down at him, a bit perplexed. “This is sex,” you say, voice a bit stunted because you didn’t expect him to say that.

“No,” Dazai says, seemingly equally perplexed by your words, drawn out of the haze of pleasure into a more confused state. “Sex is sex. It’s penetrative.” 

“... Sex isn’t just penetrative, Dazai,” you say, baffled. “This is sex. It’s foreplay.”

Dazai stares at you like he doesn’t even know what that word means.

Oh, you realize, heart sinking as you realize why Dazai is so thrown off by all of this. How has he had sex without foreplay? Sex without foreplay is… it’s boring, not enjoyable at all. More animalistic than anything, borderline painful half of the time. Is that what he’s been doing with all of the people he seduces for information? The thought is a bit jarring, but the more you think about it, the more you think it might make sense. 

Dazai is prodigious when he’s given something that he can study and mimic; can execute flawless imitations of the behaviors he’s trying to learn. He learned the art of leadership from observing Mori. The art of war from observing the Colonel’s operations before his death. Adaptability from observing Kouyou during missions. Business from observing Ace’s meetings and transactions. Seduction from observing you interacting with people during events. Dazai is as terrifying as he is because he’s a perfect amalgamation of the entire upper echelon’s best skill sets. He’s adopted Mori’s mannerisms, the Colonel's strategic capability, Kouyou’s ability to adapt to any situation, Ace’s shrewdness with yen, and your charisma. 

If there’s something he can observe, he can mirror it to near perfection.

So, is it really that surprising to you that the front he puts up during events is just an imitation of how you act with people? That it doesn’t translate behind closed doors? That he had nothing to study and nothing to mimic once seduction progressed to the bedroom, so he let whoever he was with take the lead to try to learn from them in the moment? 

That maybe someone would use his ignorance on the subject against him?

Dazai is Dazai, you think, for the fifth time tonight. He doesn’t watch porn, he doesn’t ask people for help, and this isn’t something Mori would have ever taught him—you know that better than anyone. Mori sheltered Dazai from everything, even tried to keep you away from him; he didn’t want anything or anyone to taint the control he had over his precious Demon Prodigy. While you and Chuuya have had the chance to live, experiencing life and the outside world, Dazai’s been stuck under the watchful eye of the boss, hardly ever out of arm’s reach, caged like a circus animal to be put on display whenever Mori sees fit.  

Of course, Dazai would only see it as another way to get the job done, disregarding his own comfort and pleasure—because when does Dazai Osamu ever care for his own comfort and pleasure? He lived in a fucking shipping container until you dragged him out of it. It’s not a thought that casually crosses his mind, and he wouldn’t think twice once he thinks he has an idea of what’s going on. He doesn’t see things the way you do, was never given the opportunity to understand, taught by Mori to see things as tools and means to an end, even himself.

Dazai can see your mind racing. You know he’s going to put together that something is wrong soon if you don’t move on from this. But it’s hard—it’s a bit fucking jarring to realize that Dazai’s so overwhelmed by your touch because every other time he’s had sex, he’s probably been uncomfortable or even in pain. 

You lean down to kiss him again, halting his thoughts. You place two chaste kisses on his lips, sucking his bottom lip gently before kissing his cheek down to his jaw.

“What all have you done with people?” you ask him, sitting back on his thighs, lacing your fingers with his as you look down at him.

Instantly, his face is on fire. “What does it matter?” he demands, but you can feel his fingers tightening around yours.

You roll your eyes at his obstinateness. “Humor me,” you say dryly. “Are you usually the one leading, or is your partner? Are you the one penetrating or-”

Dazai’s grip on your hands becomes almost painful, so you quiet down, giving him an amused look. Maybe it's an awkward subject, but you want to have a vague idea of what he’s been doing before you do anything.

“... partner is,” he finally tells you, hardly looking you in the eye. It’s kind of cute. “... and only when it’s a woman, but she still takes the lead.”

“Do you want to take the lead tonight?” you ask him, running your thumb over his knuckles to try to get him to loosen his grip. 

He does, but only barely.

“Not tonight,” he says after a few moments.

“Not tonight,” you agree. “Did you prefer topping or bottoming?” 

Dazai thinks for a moment and then says, “Topping. Bottoming was…”

You force yourself not to wince, suspicions confirmed by the way he trails off.

You hum, sliding your hands up and down his bandaged sides soothingly, enjoying the way he slowly relaxes beneath your touch. “That can feel good, too,” you tell him. “I can show you that one day if you’d like.”

Dazai’s brows furrow, pointedly looking down at your clothed lower half as if trying to see through them. Your lips quirk up as he says, “But you don’t have a-”

“There are ways to work around that,” you snort, hands finally resting at his hips, drawing circles over his protruding hip bones. 

“… Not tonight,” he finally repeats.

“Not tonight,” you agree again.

You lift your hands back to his cheeks, holding his face between them as you kiss him again. You kiss him deeper this time, rolling your hips against his to make his breath hitch. You drag the tip of your tongue against the roof of his mouth—he tastes like cigarettes and faintly of whiskey. Tastes familiar. Like home.

You think you could kiss Dazai forever and never find yourself sick of it. Kissing him is like a drug, you think again. Kissing him gives you butterflies in a way that you’ve only ever experienced with him when you were sixteen, and giving him his first kiss. 

Kissing him is like coming home after being away for years. 

He kisses you back clumsily, all of the finesse he had earlier in the night long gone. His teeth nearly knock against yours, it’s a bit too wet and a bit too messy, but you think it’s the best kiss you’ve ever had. You smile against his lips before pulling away to kiss the corner of his lips, nipping his skin when he lets out a shaky breath against your ear.

Your hands slide down his body to the waistband of his pants, fingers slipping beneath before you look up at him questioningly. “Can I?” you ask him, tilting your head to the side.

“How else are we going to do this?” Dazai counters petulantly.

Brat, you think to yourself, a bit fondly. Thoughts race through your mind but you push them away—maybe another night. You don’t respond to him, raising your eyebrows and waiting for a verbal response.

His cheeks dust pink as he says, “Yes.”

You work quickly to unbutton his pants, patting his thigh so he lifts his hips. You trail kisses down his bandaged chest as you slide off his pants. He’s very responsive to your touch, each kiss makes his breath stutter, you can feel it in the way his chest rises and falls and it only makes you want to watch him fall apart more.

“Are the bandages okay?” Dazai asks after a few moments when you kiss down to his navel. You look up at him, brows furrowed, catching the hesitant expression on his face, dark eye trained on you. “Do you want them off?”

“Do you want them off?” you throw back at him, squinting up at him.

Dazai stares at you for a moment before he shakes his head, a strange expression on his face—you wonder if he was worried you’d ask him to take them off, wonder if his other partners made comments about it, pushed him to remove them. 

You wonder if it’s part of the reason why he avoided you for so long: he wasn’t ready for you to see him without them but thought you would ask him to take them off.

You leave it at that though, returning to kissing down to his hip bone, nipping the skin there and watching how his body jerks a bit in surprise. You let out a puff of laughter against his skin before you ease his briefs off, freeing his cock from where it was straining against the cloth—the soft ones you’d bought him when you’d found his rough, tattered ones in your washing machine a few months after he first moved into your apartment. 

You don’t usually find cocks pretty—they all mostly look the same—but Dazai’s is. Long, not too thick, his tip is flushed a pretty pink color and a vein runs along the underside. He’s leaky too, precum drips down from his tip, right along that vein and you want to taste him, so you do.

You lean in to press your lips against his length, sucking gently on the vein before kissing up to his tip. A bit too salty for your taste, probably because of his shitty diet, but you don’t mind because the pitched moan that tumbles from his lips makes up for the taste entirely. You peek up, breath catching at the sight of his head tossed back against the pillow, swollen lips parted in a pretty moan and long lashes fluttering. He looks stunning, you wish you could take a picture—maybe another night.

You think all of his previous partners have severely missed out.

“Ah,” he gasps. “Shit, shit-”

Even with just your lips wrapped around his tip, you can feel Dazai’s cock twitching in your mouth—you wonder if he’s already on the edge. You can see the way his abdomen is spasming beneath the bandages, how his fingers are curling around the soft sheets beneath him. You don’t want him to finish yet, you want him inside you when he cums, so you only spare a few chaste kisses trailing up and down his length before sitting up straight again. 

Immediately, he tosses you an accusing look. Bottom lip pushed out, cheeks flushed the same pretty pink as his tip. “Why-”

You silence him by pressing your lips against his. This kiss is lewder than your last, you push the bit of precum you’d gathered on your tongue into his mouth as you unbutton your own slacks. He makes a noise into your mouth but you don’t pull away until you feel him swallow. You smile against his lips before you pull back to slip off your own pants, watching his face twist.

“Yuck,” he says, wrinkling his nose and sticking out his tongue. “Tastes bad.”

“Have been telling you to start eating more fruits and vegetables,” you tell him, flicking his thigh as you shimmy out of your slacks and toss them to the side. “You don’t listen.”

The smile he tosses up at you is familiar, a welcome change from the distress and confusion that’s been plaguing him most of the night. “You’ve been thinking about what my cum tastes like for that long? Pervert.”

“More like I’ve been thinking about how high your cholesterol must be with how much canned crab and buttered bread you eat,” you say dryly, returning to where you’d been straddling his waist.

You lift your hands up, beckoning him to take them. He does, reaching up to lace his fingers with yours. A smile curves at your lips as you lean over him, pinning his hands to the mattress on either side of his head as you kiss him again. 

Your chest feels light in a way that it hardly ever does when you’re fucking someone, fluttering in the same way it was when you first kissed him two years ago. Usually when you’re sleeping with someone, it’s all about keeping up appearances. Flirty, sensual, seductive, you’re always more focused on the task at hand than you are enjoying yourself, this is… different. You mean, it always feels good—you know how to make sure it feels good for you while getting the job done—but this…

Feels like home, you think again. Being with Dazai feels like home and it scares you a bit because he’s so flighty and unpredictable but you push away the fear to kiss him harder. You have him now, that’s what matters.

“I like canned crab and buttered bread.” Dazai pouts as he mumbles against your lips.

“Shut up,” you tell him.

You feel him smile and you know you’re not going to like what he’s about to say so you cut him off by reaching down to position his cock at your entrance. Instantly, he chokes over a moan and your lashes flutter, feeling him slide between your folds. 

Shit, you hadn’t even realized how wet you were, too caught up in trying to make sure Dazai was feeling good, but now with the feeling of the tip of his cock pressed against your clit and his length firm against your core, your abdomen feels all hot and tight, head fuzzy.

You keep your forehead pressed to his, noses nudging, sharing the same sliver of air as you roll your hips, letting out a soft moan against his lips when his tip presses against your hole. Each breath he lets out hitches into a soft whine at the end, a glassy look to his eye. You don’t sink down on him yet, feeling how his grip on your hands tightens, how his breath becomes shuddered and his gaze becomes lidded.

You wonder maybe if he can cum just from the feeling of his tip pushing inside you—maybe another night.

“Please,” he breathes out for the second time tonight and who are you to deny him?

You don’t kiss him as you sink down on his cock, eyes fluttering shut when you feel how his cock stretches your walls—you want to hear him, hear the way he gasps, the way his breath catches, you want to hear his moans and whimpers. He tries to chase your lips but you keep them just out of reach until he gives up, fingers tightening around yours and hips jerking up.

“‘s so tight,” Dazai gasps as you rock your hips slowly against his. “Feels s’good.”

“Yeah?” you press, breathless. 

You distract yourself from the rapidly spreading heat by kissing his neck, letting go of one of his hands to bring it to his cheek, watching as he instinctively leans into your touch, hardly able to hold his eye open. He presses a sloppy kiss to your palm, hand coming up to hold yours to his face.

“Yeah,” he says shakily, lashes drooping and lips parting in another silent moan. “Feels…”

“Feels what?” you ask him, kissing the other side of his neck before trailing wet kisses up to his opposite cheek, feeling him shudder as you tug his earlobe.

“Right,” Dazai tells you, dark eye glazed over as he looks at you, lips wet and swollen and so entirely kissable that you can’t help yourself from leaning down to steal another from him. “Feels right.”

You wonder if Dazai feels just as at home with you as you do with him and that thought is enough to make you rock your hips. 

The noise that Dazai lets out is obscene and pornographic, pitched and breathy. You can hardly appreciate the lewd expression on his face—his hair matted to his forehead, eyes half-rolled back and lips parted in a pretty ‘o’—because the feeling of his cock dragging against your walls nearly has you tumbling over the edge.

Shit, you think to yourself, desperately trying to rein in the rapidly building pleasure. Shit, what the fuck?

You never cum this quickly—usually you have to slip your hand between the sweat slicked bodies of you and your partner to rub circles around your clit so you can bring yourself over the edge at the same time as him. You don’t think you’ve ever come from penetration alone—but the stretch of Dazai’s cock, the feeling of his tip bullying deep into your cunt, the sound of skin on skin and his pretty moans, it all goes right to your head and to your pussy, the telltale signs of your thighs tensing and your abdomen tightening warning you that you’re close already.

“Fuck,” you breathe out, voice shaky. “You’re so…”

You don’t even know what you're trying to say, mind becoming increasingly more empty of thought as you rock your hips again, setting a steady pace. Dazai chokes over air beneath you, the hand still intertwined with yours squeezing hard while the other one drops from the hand you have on his face to claw the bed sheets.

You feel his cock twitch inside you, the way his moans are becoming louder and lewder, the way his head falls to the side, face half pressed into the pillow, eyes knocked back, body arched. Dazai’s already so gone that you think any second he’ll cum deep inside of you and that thought alone makes your body shudder. 

You grab the hand clawing at the bed sheets, guiding it between your bodies as you bounce on his cock. You can feel his hazy gaze trying to figure out what you’re doing but you’re more focused on guiding his finger to rub circles around your clit.

As soon as the pressure is placed on the sensitive nub, your hips are stuttering and a gasp is tearing from your lips. Dazai’s choking when he feels your walls spasm around him, hips thrusting up erratically to meet each of your rocks, but he’s just barely coherent enough to keep his finger rubbing circles on your clit.

Your breath becomes heavy and shaky, the pace of your hips quickening, fire spreads through you so rapidly that it’s impossible to control.

“I’m gonna-” you gasp when you feel yourself tipping over the edge, eyes trying to focus on Dazai’s face and the sight you’re met with is enough to push you over the edge.

Dazai’s jaw is slack, drool pooling at the corner of his lips, the white of his eye just barely visible, cheeks flushed a deep red. He's babbling out incoherent words: you can just barely make out your name, s’good, too tight, too much, and I’m gonna-

And then you’re choking over your own moan when you feel Dazai finish inside of you, cum warm and heavy as he fucks it deep in your cunt. His lithe body trembles beneath you, tense and arched, holding your hand so tight that you think he might break it, and your vision goes white as you cum on his cock, mind blank when the taut cord snaps within you, nails digging into Dazai’s skin.

Dazai’s cock is still twitching inside of you when you slump onto his chest, tremors still spreading through his body. You tilt your head up to ghost your lips against his jaw before sliding off of him, laying on the bed next to him. You feel empty without him inside you but you distract yourself by lifting your hand to his cheek again, tilting it to the side and forcing him to look at you.

More emotion swims in Dazai’s eye than you’ve seen him express in the entire two years you’ve known him, he looks at you so reverently that you can almost imagine three words spilling from his lips, breathy and adoring. You know he won’t say them, but it’s a nice thought, you think. You lean in to ghost your lips against his briefly, the tips of your fingers carding through his dark curls. You want to say something but you don’t know what.

Well. You do know what but you can’t say it.

“You wanted me soooooo bad,” Dazai finally says, a bit more clarity returning to his eye as his lips curl up. “I knew it, you wanted me so bad.”

“You’re so annoying,” you tell him but your voice is fond and you can’t help yourself from shifting forward to press your lips against his. You feel him smile against your lips and that warm, fluttery feeling returns.

Home. 

“You love it,” Dazai sings, nipping your cheek. 

A bit longingly, you think, I do.

Instead, you roll on top of him to straddle his hips, pressing your lips against his again. 

“You wish.”

[riripuppychan]

big brother atsushi heacanons

some silly things my nasty brain thought up while getting ready for the day <3

sfw!!

big brother atsushi who is super protective of his younger sister because of the orphanage

he's so protective he doesn't want you to be in a relationship...

even you aren't bi or pan or anything, he gets super upset when you pay attention to anyone other than him regardless of their gender

the only people he lets hang out with you is dazai, kunikida, kenji, and kyouka because he doesn't perceive them as threats (also because kyouka literally lives with y'all?)

ranpo notices this and always drags you on missions with him so he can annoy atsushi

also because you're his YOUNGER sister, he broke you out of the orphanage because he refuses to leave you in there

you have to tell atsushi not to spend his entire paycheck on you because he loves buying you gifts and snacks and everything.

and when you think he finally is getting better about it, he doesn't even buy you gifts for a while, turns out he was just saving up to buy you something big...

in this version he still thinks naomi and tanizaki are strange but only because they do it in public, he's way more private about it (but he's the same way about non-sibling couples, he thinks they're cute and all but why are y'all eating each others face in public??)

in private he is all over you, spoiling you with kisses and practically clinging onto you

he lets you ride on him happily (he gets upset when ranpo does it..)

nsfw!!

when I said he lets your ride on him happily, I meant in more ways then one

he is very gentle with you though

he doesn't want to hurt his precious little sister, right?

he whimpers your name or "sis" during sex

after care god, he treats you very kindly and spoils you more than he already does

at some point he had to beg fukuzawa for your guys own dorm away from kyouka

and when fukuzawa finally agreed literally every night it was non stop fucking

did you guys know white tigers (at least the ones in captivity) are usually the result of inbreeding?

whenever it clicks to him that inbreeding is actually terrible for the possible children he might accidentally put in you, he starts to use protection

for about a week

he asks to stop using condoms because he likes how it feels without

yeah you might as well just stock up on Plan B or something...

for a tiger, he fucks like a rabbit

[sol-is-the-reason]

Akutagawa ryuunosuke x GN! Reader

Angst to fluff (ig)

Tw: blood, description of wounds not major or gore but still there, a little Dazai slander.

[A/n: This is a gift for Keiko! I hope you like it!! Happy Secret Santa!!]

You were on your way to your shared apartment with your boyfriend of two years Akutagawa Ryuunosuke. You had just returned from a mission ( You were a excutive of the PM) and had handed in the report of the turn of events in it. You were supposed to make a deal with the leader of a known drug ring when they had ambushed you and your subordinates, but in the end you had dealt with them.

It seemed that your boss was in a generous mood, giving you rest of the day off, not that you were complaining. You had such a busy schedule you could almost never spend time with your boyfriend. All in all it was a good thing as you could also use some time to yourself.

So with a relieved sigh you open the door to you apartment, taking of your shoes and coat, you called into your home seeing as Akutagawa's shoes were there too.

"Taidama"

But you were met with no response rather than the 'welcome home' you usually come to whenever Akutagawa's home.

Curious, you quickly took to living room only to find no one there? That was when you heard the low hum of the water running in the large combined washroom of your apartment.

And when you opened the door to peek in, it was a sight you were met with plenty of times yet it still managed to break your heart anyways.

There he was your dear, sweet, boyfriend, covered in his own blood, blood that was seeping from his new and old reopened wounds. He was sitting on the lid of the toilet trying to bandage himself up. The sight made you gulp in anger.

If only you could've get your hands on him. That fucking bastard Dazai Osamu. It was training and education he says. If only he wasn't Mori's right hand man and an important figure in the Port Mafia you would have killed him where he stood.

That was not the point right now though. You opened the door fully and your gaze met with beautiful, dark, grey widened obsidian eyes. It seems that your love hadn't heard you come back.

You quickly yet quietly stalked towards him taking the ointment and bandages from Akutagawa's hands and giving it a reassuring squeeze. You both didn't speak of anything. The silence comfortable and safe. You both basked in each others company as you cleaned his wounds.

There were a few shot wounds near his abdominal region but it seems he already took out the bullets. That didn't mean it wasn't bleeding like a waterfall. You took some warm water, checking it's temperature and a cotton cloth as you tried to clean his wound as tenderly as possible.

After cleaning it you applied some ointment on it with gentle hands, seeing so your only grazing your fingers over it and not (even by mistake) pressing down. Still the low hiss and pained groan in his voice shook you to your core in rage. You took a deep breathe to steady yourself as you moved to the large gash against his chest.

It was not a new wound, he had gotten it on his last mission. You still remember him coming stumbling into the house clutching on his chest. You would never forgive the PM for all the sufferings they put your love through.

You started rebandaging the gash as he had already cleaned up all of his minor bruises and cuts. Still, you made sure check him over to see if you had missed something.

You stood up from infront of him, having been kneeling the whole time to reach him. You took his face in your hands and lightly caressed his cheeks with your thumb. You moved to kiss his forehead, him closing his eyes as a pleased sigh left him. You smiled into his skin. He was so cute!!

" are you alright darling?"

"mhm" he replied as he wrapped his arms around your stomach. You knew he was a quiet man but moments like this he just needed you to stay close to him, all wrapped up in your arms, feeling your body heat and the thump of your heartbeat.

You pulled him into an embrace, running your fingers through his surprisingly soft hair. You didn't know how long you both stayed like that.

But after a while you decided to move to the bedroom. You picked him up and brought him to the bedroom gently setting him on the bed as you yourself got in and placed the covers over the both of you. You pulled him into you again and he didn't protest, coming close to you as he kept his head on your chest, listening to your heartbeat.

" get some rest my love, you need it." He nodded his head against your chest and tucked his head under your chin, nuzzling into your neck. Then.. a kiss was planted into the junction of your shoulder and neck.

"...thank you.." he spoke so softly you almost wouldn't have heard him, if not for the serene silence.

" Of course dearest, no need to thank me" you spoke with a small smile.

" I..love you" came the soft voice again and no matter how many times you heard him say it, your heart skept a beat as your smile grew wider, you could feeling him smiling into your neck.

" i love you too" you spoke in a whisper but anyone could hear the love you had in your voice.

You both didn't say anything after that basking in the golden calmness, eventually though you heard soft snores and when you looked down you saw your lover sleeping peacefully. You knew it was a huge deal for Akutagawa to sleep so soundly in someone else's presence that too without his coat on, which meant double the vulnerability.

You couldn't help but take pride in the fact that only you would see the different sides of Akutagawa and nobody else. So, with your original worries and anger kept aside you hold him tighter in your arms still careful of his wounds and went to sleep with a small genuine smile on your face.

[yatsugareboyf]

hello, could i request a one shot or head cannons (whichever one is easier for you to write 😊) about Chuuya from bsd where he accidentally injured his s/o while he’s in corruption form? and then after Dazai nullifies his ability, he takes care of his s/o after the battle, apologizing continuously while his s/o is comforting him and assuring him it’s not his fault? thank uuuuu :)

god i love this so fucking much..... jesus take the fucking wheel (also im doing this in headcanon form bcs i suck at one shots/scenarios :[[ )

post-corruption with nakahara chuuya.

he never intends to hurt you, i promise :(

usually when he would use corruption, he'd like for u to not be anywhere near him or better yet, not even know he's using corruption at all

he can't control anything that happens to him and around him when he does so when he accidentally hurts you, he feels so guilty.

chuuya probably didn't expect to use corruption, or even see dazai (because no dazai=no corruption) during one of his missions

rarely does chuuya ever use corruption because he's strong enough to fend off many masses at once, corruption is his last resort.

but somehow this time it was different, but it didnt last long

after he had executed whatever being that he was up against, he started throwing his black holes everywhere and anywhere (just like what we saw in bsd s2)

you knew better than to approach chuuya whenever he's in corruption, he's warned you several times before even agreeing to using corruption, but his body looks so bruised and bloody that when he was done w the enemy, he'd be more... caring about his surroundings

of course, he doesn't and accidentally throws a black hole in your direction, causing you to jump out of the way while it hit the ground u were previously on

that shit HURTS even if it wasn't a direct impact like holy shit

dazai finally reaches chuuya and nullifies his ability, letting chuuya fall on his knees, breathing erratically

dazai knows better than to stay around and poke at chuuya about hurting you because he knows how much you mean to him and how hurt he'll be when he finds out, so he only taps chuuya's shoulder and points to where you're limping and whimpering in pain

"you might wanna take care of your other little partner over there, chibi."

chuuya immediately raises his head to your direction (even if it causes a slight headache) and his heart BREAKS IN HALF SEEING U IN PAIN LIKE FUCK

"i... did i do that?"

dazai could only pat his back and start to set off, leaving you two alone

chuuya wastes no time running to your side, checking you for other injuries and laying your head on his lap

"shit, fuck, a-are you okay? talk to me, hey. how are you feeling? damn it, i'm so sorry, y/n i didnt mean to i swear"

"im... im fine, really.."

he scoffs in disbelief, feeling his eyes swell with tears as he sees you try and hide your pain and put on a smile

"chuuya, it's not your fault, yeah?"

"shut the fuck up, y/n, i almost killed you"

"yeah, but if it were really you, we wouldn't even be here.."

you wince in pain as you try and lift yourself up but chuuya beats you to it and starts to carry you despite his own beat up body

"d-definetly not... we're getting you back to the infirmary.."

once you both get back at the pm's infirmary and you get patched up, he's so scared to even lay a finger on you.

like you're here, waiting to be hugged and kissed and cuddled but he's six feet away, looking at you with apologetic eyes

you sigh quietly before reaching out for his hand

"chuuya, love, please."

he shakes his head, but you can see him struggling not to get up from his seat and hold your hand

"don't wanna hurt you again."

your eyes soften at his vulnerable voice

"you won't hurt me, chuuya."

"but i already did. what if i do it again? what if i put you in more harm?"

"its hurting me that you dont even wanna touch me. please, chuuya."

he rlly hesitates but after a few moments he stands up and stands in front of where you're sitting, his hands fidgeting

you slowly place your hand over his shaking hands and he almost flinches, but stays where he is, not moving a muscle

deciding to take the initiative, you wrap your arms around his torso, making him jolt in surprise, but slowly starts to embrace you back

"i'm so sorry, baby, i should've been more careful.." his voice waivers but he refuses to cry in front of you

"no, love, don't be sorry. it's not your fault, okay?"

he doesn't reply, opting to kiss your head and start stroking your hair slowly, mumbling small apologies

when you two get home, laying in bed, you press small kisses to his face, holding his face in your hands gently

"i love you, chuuya. "

his breath hitches and looks at you with wide eyes, his arms around you tensing a bit

"even after i hurt you?"

you smile softly at him, moving his hair and tucking it behind his ear

"you didn't hurt me, chuuya. you don't have to apologize and you don't have to feel guilty. it's out of your control. i'm safe now, see? you can hold me"

his hold on you tightens a bit, rubbing his palm against your back. he places a soft kiss on your forehead and lips

"that's right, you're safe now. i wont let anything else hurt you, even if its me."

you chuckle lightly in response, playing with the ends of chuuya's hair while he softly kisses down your shoulder

any time u try and check up on his own bruises and wounds he immediately dismisses it and says smthn like "i dont matter right now, all i wanna hear is how you're feeling"

hes gonna be so soft with you for the entire week (not saying he is already) like he'll cook your meals for you, change your bandages, bathe you, give you everything you want

and everytime he tries to apologize, you just kiss him on the lips and he'll shut up

ofc, you reassure him that you know he'll never unintentionally hurt you and that you still love him and you're not afraid of him :((

give him kisses, let him spoil you, check up on his injuries and most of all show him that you appreciate everything hes doing for u

"if you want someone to blame, dazai could've gotten to you way earlier after u were done kicking ass"

"..... remind me to punch him when i see him again."

[tender-rosiey]

Hi there, just wondering if I could put in a request for Ranpo, Chuuya, Akutagawa, Atsushi and Kunikida working with (and maybe even falling for???) someone who is super energetic and boisterous (reminiscent of bb nishinoya)?

I hope this makes sense 🥺 have a good day/night

❥ Bsd Characters working and falling for an energetic reader

Includes: Ranpo,Kunikida, Chuuya, Atsushi and Akutagawa

ᴀ/ɴ: I hope you like this 🥺❤️ I hope you have a wonderful day/night as well dear! This will be fun since I am a Nishinoya kinnie 👀

Ranpo Edogawa:

This adorable bby

“CAN I GET PAIRED UP WITH Y/N?!”

Chaotic duo

You guys are literally the sunshine’s of the Agency

He loves hanging out with you

You are the only person he shares his snacks with

Ranpo, yosano and you are a wonderful trio

Your missions together are always enjoyable and fun

Makes you laugh because he loves the sound of your laugh but you didn’t hear that from me

So yeah he would love working with you

It always brightens up his day

He literally subconsciously smiles when you enter

You guys like to buy candy and stroll the around the city together

Now falling for you

It will be a very fun rollercoaster for our dear detective

You can sometimes be unexpected even to him

Despite being an open book and being the most energetic and sunshine bby in the agency

Sometimes he gets surprised with stuff you do

If you hug him out of excitement then he will be normal in front of you and hug you

With a cute “YAY Y/N-CHAN HUGS!”

But after you turn your cute face away he wil be a blushing mess

And alone

He will be reconsidering his life choices and thank the heavens about blessing him with you

Let’s talk about when someone makes you sad

He will guilt trip them and ruin their self-esteem

“Are you stupid enough to make Y/N sad?”

He will give you his candy so your cute smile can be present again

Kunikida Doppo:

opposites attract check ✨

Yes queen

However he finds you somewhat more tolerable than another bandage wasting machine

He does keep your hyper state at bay though

“Y/N calm down.”

“YES SIR”

Smile at him though and he will let you do anything you want

Except blowing up the city 🤡

Enjoys your company when you are calm

Doesn’t mean he doesn’t when you are energetic

He enjoys it nonetheless but likes calm conversations between you two

Likes to softly smack you on the head with his book of ideals

SOFTLY AND LIGHTLY THO

He doesn’t like people who hit innocent ladies

Smiles at you when he sees you happy

Behind your back tho

A fond soft smile

Soft kunikida yay <3

He is like your legal guardian

“Y/N GET OFF THE ROOF!”

“COME AND GET ME hehe~”

Speaking of “hehe” or giggling

He loves it

And when he falls for you, your personality would be a major reason

“She doesn’t meet 13 of my ideals...HOW DID I FALL FOR HER”

Cue you laughing and greeting him

“Oh yeah that’s why”

You balance out the serious or stern attitude of his with the bubbly and energetic attitude of yours

Ruffles your hair when he is proud

Is kunikda the type to wink?

Absolutely not

Unless ;)

Sometimes you prank our dear blonde here so yes he gets a little mischievous with you

You are buried in a lot of work?

Kunikida will pass by and wink at you

Yes that fine man is what got you the work

And that’s the only time you will find him winking at your perfect figure (yes you are perfect and if you dare oppose then I will hug you to death)

Kunikida winking pls 🤭

He will scold anyone who dares and make you sad

“WE HAVE A RULE THAT LITERALLY SAYS NEVER MAKE Y/N SAD”

They don’t but he hates seeing you down

Chuuya Nakahara:

You are his child that he will beat anyone that will touch or make sad

He sees you as this precious day of sunshine in the port mafia

That literally makes everyone smile

So

He protects you with his laifu cause you are a potential waifu

But we will talk about that later on

SO

He enjoys working with you

You make the mission much lighter to deal with

But

If he is annoyed and can’t handle any noise around him

Then he will calmly ask you to calm down and tell you that he had a rough day before

He loves how you are understanding and nod smiling

Pets your head

“AYE AYE DONT MAKE Y/N SAD OR I WILL FUCK YOU UP”

Kouyou taught elegance for nothing 😔

He starts falling for your cute self

At a point chuuya will view your smile as a blessing

Specially if he is the one who causes it

Loves your personality and how you never fail to cheer him up

Soft smiles whenever you aren’t looking cause my man has a reputation to keep

He adores your hugs btw

“Thanks sunshine”

Yes that is his nickname for you even before getting together

You know how sometimes people run their knuckles onto someone’s head when mad?

He does that when you do something stupid

But he does it gently

When you are sad

Then all hell is let loose

At everyone but you 🥰

And Mori cause Chuuya isn’t fucked up in the mind so he can mess with that guy

Will let you hug him out

Tries and make you smile by telling you funny stories about dazai and how stupid he is

“You are my sunshine. My only sunshine.”

A line he had wrote in his diary while describing you

Yes I believe he has a diary but it will die with him

Atsushi Nakajima:

He adores you

Like another bby that will protect you

You are like Kenji but more energetic

He can never say no to you

Gets beyond flustered when you hug him

Likes seeing you hyper

Watches over you in case shit goes down

He enjoys missions with you

They are so much fun :0

You guys even go around Yokohama and get whatever you want after you are done

These cutesy smiles whenever you are super excited over something

Will get you anything and everything

Will apologize on your behalf if someone gets harmed by whatever you did

Per example

You broke a vase in the blinds of being so excited for the mission

Atsu will put you behind him and apologize

The owner of the bar of course will forgive you cause

A cute innocent boy and a ball of sunshine standing in front of him

He can’t be a cruel little shit to you so he lets you go without anything

Probably gives you something as a souvenir 🤡

He will do anything so you don’t ever feel down

However if you do then he will be by your side trying to making you laugh

Comfort you

You name it

He treasures your smile dearly even before loving you romantically

But as bby fell for you

He payed attention to little things you do even more

If he isn’t working on something on the agency then he is staring at you with a smile and releases a dreamy sigh

He could be going through a shit of a day and he will be at his best when he sees you

You know how he got flustered over hugging him?

Yeah now he becomes a tomato and lays on the floor fanboying

Simp

Whenever you greet him then he will blush, rub the back of his neck and waves shyly

His crush on you is so obvious though

Y/N RELEASE THE BOY FROM THE HELL OF BEING OBLIVIOUS TO YOUR FEELINGS AND TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM

Akutagawa Ryuunosuke:

It’s heaven and hell for him hen he works with you

You are a great duo

But that’s not the actual heaven part

So what’s good about it is that he finds your presence sort of comforting

But GOODNESS IF YOU ARENT SO NOISY

He can’t handle it

Literally like tsukki to yams

“HEY AKUTAGAWA”

“Y/N shut up”

“No :D”

Little glares when you are too loud

He doesn’t really care about anyone around him

But

It slightly bothers him when you are down

He is so used to your bubbly and energetic attitude so to see something opposite to that is

Annoying in a sense or another

Flicks your forehead

“Cheer up idiot, it’s weird when you are sad”

How considerate wow

And falling for you would be something that surprised him

Aside from Higuchi trying to kill you

Aku started to savor your energetic attitude or aura

Slowly liked it

He even smiles a really really smol smile when you are looking at something

And like YOU ARE REALLYYYYY EXCITED

Pats you on the shoulder when proud

Yes he is copying “DAZAiIIIiiiiIi-sAaAaAAaaN”

Also now he can’t say no to you

“AKUTAGAWA I WANT CHOCOLATE”

“No”

Keep jumping around while smiling and saying please

And akutagawa will go “tch”

And let you get whatever you want

Oh yeah now that he likes you

Anyone that makes you sad loses an arm 😽

Overprotective

copyright © 2020 tender-rosiey

do not copy or plagiarize or you will be reported

[soukokuwu]

ADA!DAZAI OSAMU

》 angst angst angst (dazai x reader)

》 trigger warnings! death/suicide, talks of sexual abuse

》 word count: 3k

》 i had no idea it would turn out this long, i tried my best to cut out some stuff, sorry if this isn’t great, 🥺

“come back. even as a shadow, even as a dream.”

You were always smiling. That so, very infectious smile of yours. You were also sickeningly sweet, as though every word that spilled out of your mouth was laced with sugar. In the Armed Detective Agency, it was as though you were everyone’s happy pill. You were but a mere assistant, assisting in adhoc tasks whenever it was asked of you. Still, you made it a point to make a friend of everyone, making sure they had everything they needed, even if they hadn’t asked for it.

That was how observant you were. Dazai remembered the first week you were there, he had been chided by Kunikida to finish up a case report, and since Atsushi was nowhere around, he had no choice but to finish it up himself. The sun was setting, and although you were usually gone by then, he found a cup of coffee being placed on his desk.

He remembered looking up at you, and you wore that same smile you had on the first day Naomi introduced you to everyone. That beautiful smile, the one he could never forget. You had your bag slung over your shoulder, making quite a notable crease on your shirt. You must have been about to leave, but noticed him working, so you went to brew a new pot of coffee just for him, Dazai had thought to himself, seeing as the coffee had usually been depleted by this time of day.

So sickeningly sweet.

“Ah, belladonna,” Dazai had cooed, grabbing your hand in his before you could manage to get away. “Does this mean you are the one to commit a double suicide with me?”

He had expected a fully submissive reply, maybe a ‘Why, yes, of course,’ or at least a full out denial, something along the lines of ‘Are you crazy, Dazai?’ It had been your first actual conversation after all.

“Only if the circumstances are right,” you had said.

Then, gently, you pulled your hand from his and turned to leave. And just like the colourful sunset, he watched you gradually fade away.

➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶

The next time the two of you interacted, it was two weeks after your first. It was Kyouka’s birthday and the entire office was decorated for a celebration. Dazai wasn’t one for celebrations, and would usually be the first to leave, but at the time he felt compelled to stay. You intrigued him, after all. Although it didn’t make for much progress, since the two of you just calmly sipped champagne in the corner, exchanging small talk about the chaos unfolding in front of your eyes, slightly buzzed.

➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶

One day, Dazai was pouting over what Kunikida did earlier on one of their missions– he had thrown his favourite book The Complete Guide To Suicide into the river, and dragged him along as he pursued after the criminal, much as Dazai wanted to jump in to retrieve it. “All I did was recite different forms of suicide as we were working,” Dazai whined, to which Kunikida, who was seated opposite from him, just rolled his eyes. “You’re gonna get me a new one.”

“In your dreams, it’s just a stupid book.”

“But the store doesn’t have it anymore! You’re gonna print me one!”

To which Kunikida paid no mind.

But there you appeared, giggling and handing Dazai a box of sweets. “Here, maybe these will make you feel better.”

He popped one in his mouth. “Yes, they really do. Thank you, my belladonna, my saviour!” Dazai made it a point to be overdramatic as usual.

Of course, it didn’t, really. They’re just sweets, how could they make him feel better? But he said so, all the same, if only to just see the content smile you flashed at him, thinking you had succeeded.

➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶

Christmas rolled around, and Dazai had planned to leave early, being tired from the recent jobs. He didn’t feel like celebrating with everyone else. But just as he set one foot out the door, he felt someone poke at his back.

He turned, only to find you holding out a black gift box, tightened with a golden bow. It felt a little heavy. “Thought you might like this,” you had whispered in his ear before you went back to join the others.

Dazai got home, happier than ever. Why did you do this? He couldn’t contain himself and had opened the box right after he left the building. He didn’t even realise that he practically skipped home the entire time after that. With a spring in his step, he entered the apartment, turned on the lights, took a quick shower and laid belly down on the tatami. Humming to himself, he pulled out the gifts: three small bottles of sake and his favourite book.

➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶

He found himself softening up around you after that, comfortable enough to actually want to consider you an actual friend. He felt a genuine niceness from you, and he couldn’t reject that, as much as he thought that he didn’t deserve it. As the months passed, everyone else in the ADA got around to calling you two ‘best friends’ or more so, ‘troublemakers’.

“You have totally brought her astray, idiot,” was Kunikida’s most-used phrase.

Dazai denied, thinking it was only partly correct. True, you were easy to get along with, and so you always played along with whatever Dazai had planned, which consisted of having fun in the office, mainly pranking his blonde partner. But you were still you. Still the same, eager-to-please, sickeningly sweet girl that entered their lives months ago. It was not a crime to be playful, and gradually, he found himself feeling a little... lighter.

You were a passive person, always giving in to other people. But as much as you were predictable in various situations, in many others, Dazai could not, for the life of him, ever guess the meaning behind your actions. He would never get bored talking to you, and he liked it very much, even though sometimes he would complain about ‘not knowing who you really were’, given that you barely ever talked about yourself.

➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶

Soon, the two of you got closer, having dinners together in either your’s or his apartment, only leaving when one of you was completely tired. It was as though the two of you were inseparable. But the moment Dazai caught on that you were falling quick for him, while at the same time ignoring his own growing feelings, he reminded himself time and again, this was as far as he would ever go.

This meant times where he would purposely make you feel as though he could care less. But other times made you feel like the luckiest girl in the world. Nothing that ever crossed the line of friendship, though. No, that would be much too complicated for Dazai.

➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶

One day he got mad at you, more so due to his own frustration than anything else. You had appeared at the cemetery, holding a bouquet of flowers and holding them out to him. All he could think of at that moment was: What the fuck? Who’re those for? The friend he was visiting? It was the anniversary of his death for Christ‘s sake, Dazai just wanted to be alone. That did not translate into a friendly mood for him.

He got up from the grass and shot you a mean glare. “Please don’t offer me anything for my friend, it’s not like you knew him. Would it kill you to respect boundaries for once and stop being an insufferable people-pleaser?”

So that day he left you standing at the foot of his one true friend’s grave, wondering what you did wrong.

➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶

The house visits ended. So did your dinners. The weight on Dazai’s shoulders felt heavy again. He felt bad for lashing out at you, and even more for not apologising for it, but truth be told, he thought this was probably for the best. Maybe you’d get over your little crush this way, since Dazai would probably never initiate anything anyway. Yes, this was good for you, he convinced himself.

➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶

A few nights later, the screaming started. A man yelled back, though Dazai couldn’t quite make out what he said. He heard the door slamming, hurried footsteps running past his apartment door. This continued for a few more nights.

➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶

One night, curiosity got the better of him, and he knocked at your door.

“Are you in there? Is everything okay?”

A moment of silence.

“Go away.”

Dazai cursed under his breath, wishing that the other ADA members hadn’t gone out to dinner so late. Now what?

➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶

The next day, he was determined. Whatever it was, it sounded serious, and he wasn’t that heartless. You were, at one point, his happy pill too. He’d at least want to see, with his own eyes, that you were okay. He strutted in through the ADA door, his favourite book in his hand as usual.

But you didn’t show up at the office. None of the others knew where you were. As far as they were concerned, you were supposed to show up for work but didn’t. Maybe you were sick?

The most disturbing answer though, was when people kept telling him, “Shouldn’t you know? She’s been having dinners with you, hasn’t she?”

It’s been two months since he flared up at you. No one else realised anything was amiss. You probably did a good job at hiding it. Probably came up with good excuses why the two of you weren’t making trouble in the office anymore. Or even seen interacting anymore. No one seemed concerned. No one else heard the screaming. You probably had an inkling when more people were home, not raising your voice out of consideration. How... considerate of you?

A sudden ominous feeling came over him. Every other thought out the door, he ran off. The Complete Guide To Suicide, slightly tattered, fell to the floor.

➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶

Fast forward to the present, Dazai was sitting on the grass resting against the gravestone, a book in his hands. He smiled weakly as his hands glossed over your handwriting. He had found the book on your table, that same day he found you.

The sight of your lifeless body on the bathroom floor, surrounded by a pool of blood, was a sight he could never forget. How could he? He had held you in his arms, and that time, it was his turn to scream. He couldn’t remember how long he spent in there before Kunikida came rushing in. All he remembered was your face, though blurred from all his tears. And your blood, staining his clothes, soaking his palm.

No chance to say goodbye, to hear that melodic voice, not even a last time to see your beautiful eyes. There was just... nothing. As he sat there with you, he spotted the scars littering your forearms. Both old and new. And now he realised why it was that you always wore long sleeves. Regrets piled up in him, one after the other.

He didn’t want to let you go with the paramedics, but he was forced to. Kunikida pulled him away from your body. Dazai refused to answer any questions, choosing instead to promise to change and stay in his apartment. Which he broke. He snuck over to your place after a change of clothes. He wanted to feel your warmth somehow, at least one last time. That’s when he found the book. And your letter.

He remembered his hands trembling as he reached for it, the delicate writing on the envelope messing with his heart. You had addressed it to ‘Osamu, my sunshine’.

Sickeningly sweet.

➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶

“To my dear friend,

I wanted this letter to explain my intentions, to tell you why I did this. But now that I’m actually writing this... I don’t really know what to say. Which is why I decided that this book is yours.

You’re Dazai, you must know what it is, right? A-ha! You’re right! It’s my diary! A certain someone kept complaining he never really knew me, right? This is my reply. 

Sorry for the messy handwriting in the first half of the book, I started writing in it when I was a kid. Inside you’ll find everything I had no courage to admit to, no matter how much I trusted you. What I do admit, though, is the first time I found out you were suicidal, I already felt like I wanted to know you better. And I have no regrets. I’m so glad I met you.

I wanted to be stronger than this, I swear I did... But I can’t stand the thoughts in my head, the memories that still haunt me to this day. I know there’s a possibility for me to be happy, someday, somewhere, but I just can’t continue feeling like this. It sucks and... I can’t do this anymore.

You were the only one who could ever make me feel like living, believe me. I guess I just couldn’t stand against my misfortunes. I know that deep down there’s a part of you that cares, and to him, I’m sorry.”

➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶

And that was it. The last words you ever wrote to him. Your words reflected you, from how you tried to be optimistic at first, but in the end you succumbed as you thought about whatever it was that led to your demise. Dazai felt a pang as he remembered the last words you said to him. The tone in your voice as you said them. He blinked away the tears and turned the page.

Your diary did indeed help him understand everything and why they unfolded the way they did. Although he would call it anything but truly knowing you. How can he ever say that when he couldn’t save you?

He remembered some pages more distinctly than others. There was one he knew he could remember, word for word. You had been a normal kid, an introvert, and your thoughts mirrored who you grew up to be: a passive, compassionate person. Until that night.

⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⋆⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶

I woke up just now. I felt uncomfortable. I wake up and I see him there, and I feel his hands. I don’t know why, but I couldn’t move. I was scared. Something screamed in me to move, to shout, to run. Why didn't I? I can’t even... save myself. How much more useless can I get?

⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⋆⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶

You had blamed yourself for what he did to you. You thought you did something wrong. You were so upset, so in pain. Until your brother got wind of what happened. And as Dazai read on, he realised why you were so quiet about who you were. Who would find it easy to admit that their father had killed their brother for standing up for them? What’s more, how could you tell anyone, when you felt responsible for his death? Now he knew why you never questioned him. Because you understood.

You stopped writing a few months after that, choosing instead to express yourself by drawing. You drew sceneries, the stars, and who he assumed to be your brother, a young boy hand-in-hand with a girl whose face you didn’t fill in. Dazai turned the page and spotted a sketch of him, at his desk on the computer. He smiled. You were so talented, making him out to look so good in a sketch. You started writing again after that.

⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⋆⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶

He’s weird. A little like me. But maybe a little less hopeless.

We were the only two calm people in a sea of chaos. It was nice.

Maybe I do want to find a reason to live.

I gave my colleague a sweet. He said he felt better. I must be doing something right!

My favourite book, it’s time to part ways with you.

⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⋆⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶

He should’ve known it was yours. It looked a little used, but he just guessed you got it at a second-hand book store. 

The next page after that was a sketch of everyone in the ADA, and he chuckled at how fierce you made Kunikida look.

⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⋆⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶

Being in the ADA... kind of like the family I wish I had.

I still feel a little empty, why?

Scratch that. Dazai is a ball of sunshine (´ω`)

We drew in Kuni’s ‘ideals’ notebook. He’s pretty funny when he’s all mad and frazzled. He’s how I imagine a father to be... but how would I know, right?

Time to visit you, brother. How’ve you been?

⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⋆⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶

Dazai could just slap himself for misunderstanding your intentions that day. You had gone to visit your brother, but all he did was go and make you feel bad about being concerned about him. He didn’t even ask. How selfish of him.

And then you didn’t write again. Until the screaming started.

⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⋆⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶

Out of everyone in the world, the one I wish I would never see again appeared in front of me. How did you even find me? Fuck off already. Early release for good behaviour? What a joke.

I wish he would stop appearing here already. I don’t even know how he found me. But every time I see him I remember everything like it was yesterday.

He didn’t appear today. Finally. Some peace to myself.

And... again. I’m so tired of this. I can’t just run. I joined the agency because I wanted to be where they save people. It would be bad to run... right?

They can do without me... running wouldn’t be too horrible... right?

I’m tired... I’m really so, so tired...

➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶

That was it. For words. What a turn of events. Everyone’s happy pill found him, Dazai, as her personal ray of sunshine? Him? The suicidal maniac? He could hardly believe it the first time he read it. He wished he had known. How could he have missed such a big part of you? Sure, he found it weird how you managed to be so bubbly all the time, but this wasn't something he had considered.

He envisioned you having to sit in the office, smiling at everyone like everything was normal even though your worst nightmare had come back to haunt you. He realised your consideration came out of the fact that no one ever gave you what you needed, hence your constant tendency to provide what anyone needed. Dazai swept away a tear from his cheek as he sensed a presence closing in.

“We missed you at the funeral.”

Kunikida appeared and stood in front of his partner, expression grim. It was true, Dazai couldn’t bring himself to send you off last week. When Dazai refused to acknowledge him, Kunikida sighed. “There’s... nothing we can do about it. All we can really do is grieve. We’ll be at the office if you ever need to talk.” And then his partner turned and left.

Dazai scoffed, pulling a glock from inside his coat. He pressed the barrel of the gun against his temple and rested against it.

“Is it really?” he asked, to no one at all, closing his eyes.

Should I join you?

“if tears could build a stairway, and memories a lane, i’d walk right up to heaven, and bring you home again.”

[akutagawasbitches]

Welcome to the party love~ How about something for Junichiro, Akutagawa, and Atsushi with civilian m!s/o that’s a complete dorky dumbass. Power posing, vine references, memes, everything. He’s literally the definition of we not here for a long time we here for a good time. Since he’s taller he’ll pick them up randomly to swing them around, hold them back, carrying them to get rest cuz they’re being stubborn, etc. Does the don’t be suspicious thing if they mention going on an undercover mission.

Omg hihihi! I’m so excited to be here! And I love this idea I had so much fun writing this, I went for headcannons if that’s okay?

Atsushi

-        This poor boy is just constantly confused.

-        Doesn’t always get your vine references but after awhile he starts picking up on them more and more

-        Actively watches vine references with you and loves them, his favourite is “Hi I’m Jared I’m 19 and I never learned how to fuckin read”

-        Gets scared when he gets out the shower and you’re power posing in front of the door

-        Honestly gets a little intimidated whenever you power pose but after awhile he kinda gets used to it

-        Loves that you send him memes, it means that you’re thinking of him. Even if he doesn’t get the meme, he appreciates the gesture and always tries to send you memes back, but you’ve seen them all

-        Doesn’t understand tik tok memes but he likes that it makes you happy, so he supports it

-        Atsushi will never admit it but he loves it when you pick him up and swing him around. At first he’d be like “Ehh?! Put me down Y/N!!!” acting all scared but you know he loves it

-        Will hold Atsushi back if he’s being stupid and trying to start a fight he can’t win. He will literally hold him by the collar of his shirt while Atsushi is trying to escape.

-        Atsushi is a touch starved boy, will literally snuggle into you if you carry him, though might complain if Dazai is there because he knows Dazai will tease the shit out of poor Atsushi

-        He’ll try carry you back, but it never works out due to the height difference. He’ll either drop you or your long limbs would be trailing behind, and it just doesn’t work the same as when you carry him. Sometimes he’ll let you ride him in his tiger form though

-        If you sing the don’t be suspicious song at home while sneaking up on him, he’ll pretend not to notice and carry on and act surprised when you jump out

-        But if you’re doing it on missions, he gets so paranoid about someone over hearing and you getting found out that he literally covered your mouth on multiple occasions to get you to stop

-         

 Akutagawa

-        Akutagawa much like Atsushi does not get your vine references. If you pull out any of the classic vines, he will not understand what you are doing. “Why you lyinnng, why you always lying, mmm oh my god! Stop fucking lying” “I’m not...? I just asked if you wanted tea.”

-        Akutagawa is just apathetic and doesn’t really care too much beyond slight confusion.

-        He will respond to your memes by taking them literally, so he doesn’t really understand the humour behind them

-        But appreciates that you are thinking of him. But never shows it.

-        If you power pose around him, he just ignores you and walks around you. It doesn’t work on him

-        Akutagawa hates being picked up n the outside and will angrily complain and try to escape as he thinks it makes him look weak. But internally he loves it because you’re touching him

-        Much like Atsushi, Akutagawa is touch starved so once you start giving him physical affection, he craves it all the time, so he’ll let you pick him up if no one is around to see him.

-        If you sin him around, he’ll complain because he gets dizzy but he’ll be blushing the entire time

-        Akutagawa has a short temper, so he often gets into fights so you having to hold him back happens often. He never appreciates it but you do it anyway because you want him to be safe and not have to deal with the messy aftermath.

-        Akutagawa hates the height difference so if you send memes about it, he will block you and be a salty boy

-        Akutagawa will occasionally send you stuff back thinking it’s a meme but its not. The effort is cute though

-        Akutagawa demands to carry you sometimes, but it doesn’t exactly work much like Atsushi.

-        If you annoy him with your power posing too much, will probably wrap you up in Rashomon to get you to stop

-        If you sing the don’t be suspicious song on a mission, the man will shut you up quicker than anything.

-        If him whisper yelling at you doesn’t work, he’ll just cover your mouth with his hand like Atsushi or use Rashomon.

 Junichiro

-        This boy is so wholesome and sweet and will always love your memes even if he doesn’t understand them 100%

-        He is already tallish so if you’re taller than him woo boy

-        He’s both intimidated but also in awe

-        If you power pose at him, he’ll be confused and ask what you’re doing. He’s doesn’t find it intimidating at all but that’s because he thinks you’re cute

-        Loves vine, Naomi sends him vines all the time so he would happily watch vines with you and also reference vines to you at random points through the day

-        When he doe it around Kunikida, it drives poor Kunikida crazy because he doesn’t understand at all what the two of you are going on about

-        Probably would dress up as a vine reference for Halloween with you

-        100% watches vine compilations on YouTube with you while cuddling

-        Honestly, I could see him power posing back at you tbh.

-        Likes vine references but memes he’s iffy with. He likes that you send them to him but as I said get doesn’t always 100% understand them

-        Sends you any meme he finds even if you don’t find it funny, you’ll still love it when he does that because its sweet.

-        If you carry him, cue a very blushy Junichiro. He’ll complain but he likes it and will stop complaining after a minute

-        He’ll try carry you too to the best of his ability

-        If someone ever pisses him off, you’ll hold him back by grabbing the back of his shirt and holding tightly. It might take a minute for him to calm down, but it does calm him down after a bit.

-        You once had to hold him back when someone insulted you, the boy had murder on his mind.

-        If you spin Junichiro around, he’ll be very blushy for the whole day.

-        If you sing the don’t be suspicious song while accompanying him on a mission, the poor boy would have a heart attack and beg you to be quiet. Like Atsushi, he will cover your mouth if you don’t stop.

 Aaa thank you again for welcoming me into this wonderful fandom! Sorry it took so long to get out, I kinda lost motivation to write for a bit but I hope you like it!

[rafyki]

Selfish [BSD - Soukoku]

Tags: Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Getting Together, Literal Sleeping Together, First Kiss

Words count: 6215

Read on AO3

~ ~ ~

Chuuya was tired. His feet felt as heavy as concrete, his limbs hurt, his legs screamed in protest with every step he took, his shoulders felt like they were bending under a too big weight; he was even too tired to use his ability and reduce the gravity on himself. He just wanted to reach his room and collapse on the bed.

Some missions were easy, their enemies overthrown fast and without many troubles, leaving him and Dazai standing and ready to fight again if necessary; some other missions, though, gave them a too good fight, exciting while it lasted, while adrenaline ran fast in their veins, but then left them like that, stumbling through the Mafia headquarters, weary and almost devoid of energy.

Chuuya almost always preferred the latter - the sensation of a good hard fight making his blood boil in his veins was a feeling that never grew old for him.

He looked at Dazai, walking silently next to him. He let his eyes roaming over him, a vice Chuuya had let himself indulge even too much lately - but it was okay now, when the corridor was dark and Dazai's eyes were fixed ahead of him, lost in thoughts that Chuuya couldn't guess.

"You're still bleeding", he said, when he noticed the cut on Dazai's cheek, and the wound on his side that kept colouring red his shirt.

Dazai turned to look at him, and it seemed like it took him a few moments to really realize what Chuuya had said. He looked as tired as Chuuya felt.

"Oh", he said, looking down at himself. One hand went up to the wound on his cheek, touching the blood with his thumb. After looking at it for a second, he brought it to his lips, tasting his own blood. "It doesn't hurt".

"That's not the point", Chuuya sighed. "You should get those treated".

Dazai simply shrugged, and Chuuya sighed again, annoyed at the carelessness that Dazai showed towards everything and especially himself.

He knew he wouldn't treat those wounds - if there was something that Chuuya could say he knew about Dazai was that he couldn't take care of himself (couldn't, and most of the times simply didn't bother to do it).

They walked in silence for a minute or so, too weary for their usual banter.

"Come on", Chuuya said, breaking the silence when they approached his apartment. He grabbed Dazai's wrist and started to pull him towards the door, preventing him to move onward to his own room.

"I know you can't stay away from me, Chibi, but I'd really like to go to my room and sleep".

"Shut up, shitty Dazai", he answered, not having the strength for a better comeback and focusing on fumbling with his key and open the door.

Weirdly enough, Dazai really did not say anything more as Chuuya led him through the small apartment he called home and to the bedroom.

"Wait here, and don't dirty my sheets with your stupid blood, or I'll kill you".

"Sure, sure".

He went to the bathroom to take the first aid kit, groaning in pain as his every muscle seemed to be screaming and begging him to sit down and rest. He wasn't hurt like Dazai - he was actually very proud of the fact that he was definitely better than Dazai was at avoiding bullets and such, thanks to his ability - still, he probably needed to take care of himself, too.

Why am I even doing this?, he wondered, annoyed at himself and his own stupid feelings for the stupid waste of bandages waiting in the other room.

Chasing the thought out of his mind was as hard as usual.

Why did he even feel like that? He hated everything about Dazai - starting from his self confidence, to his continuous suicide attempts, from how annoyingly clever he was to how irritating he was when he decided that he wanted to make Chuuya's life difficult.

He cut his own train of thoughts off before he could derail on way too familiar paths. He had wasted too much time thinking about Dazai, the list of things he hated about him more often than not turning into a precise account of tiny details that Chuuya had gathered during all the times he couldn't bring himself to stop looking at his partner - like the quirk of his lips when he smiled, the dangerous light in his eyes when he was facing an enemy, the tone of his voice and the way it sent shivers down Chuuya's back, the freeing sensation that for some reason filled him whenever they were together and Dazai let the mask that he always wore for everyone else fall for a moment.

Ugh, stop it, Chuuya told himself, shutting the cabinet and hoping that his troublesome thoughts had been trapped inside.

Of course, when he came back to his room, he found Dazai lying on the bed, arms spread open at his sides, eyes closed, and a relaxed expression on his face. A way too relaxed face for someone who was definitely dirtying Chuuya's sheets with blood.

Why did he even like that asshole?

The kick on his legs was earned, and Dazai was probably expecting it anyway.

"Ouch, Chuuyaaaa, why are you like this, I thought you were supposed to treat my wounds, not cause more!"

"You dirtied my sheets, you fucking asshole", he replied, but he sat himself next to Dazai, and took out what he needed from the first aid kit, as Dazai got up and put himself in a sitting position.

They stayed in silence for a while, as Chuuya cleaned first the wound on Dazai's cheek, and then tried his best not to stare as he took off his blood soaked shirt - because, even in that state and covered in dirty bandages, Dazai was annoyingly pleasant to look at.

He was probably too caught in his own thoughts and being angry with himself for even thinking that sort of things, because Dazai let out a hiss of pain as Chuuya was taking off his bandages.

"Don't be so rough, Chibi, what kind of nurse are you even?"

Chuuya barely resisted the urge of punching him, or kicking him right in his still open wound. "Fuck you, I'm not your nurse! You should be grateful I'm even helping you, stop fuckin complaining".

"Why are you doing it?", Dazai asked after a while. The tone of his voice, quiet and unusually void of the familiar teasing edge, pushed Chuuya to look up from where he was cleaning the wound and met his eyes.

And what he saw in them almost made him feel dizzy. It was an honest question, like Dazai really didn't expect anyone - didn't expect him - to help him, or to care enough to do it. It made blood boil in Chuuya's vein. Of course he would help him, as if that was even a question!

"You wouldn't have done it yourself, and you sure as hell wouldn't have gone to the infirmary", he answered, breaking eye contact and resuming his work. "You suck at taking care of yourself".

He wasn't expecting the soft laugh that followed his words.

"I want to die, Chuuya. Taking care of myself isn't exactly my priority".

That made Chuuya even angrier. He couldn't understand it, couldn't get why Dazai was so careless about his own life, why he was so ready to throw it away.

He wasn't sure if he was angry only at Dazai for being like that or also at himself for not being able to help him in any way.

"You're so fuckin selfish, you know that?"

Another chuckle, but when Chuuya looked up again, he didn't see any teasing or laugh in Dazai's expression, only sad resignation, and maybe what could have been a hint of regret.

"Yeah, I know".

Unable to stand that look, and at the same time not really wanting to look away, Chuuya gathered his strength and turned away, taking new bandages and starting to wrap Dazai's torso again.

They finished in an heavy and not really comfortable silence, both of them lost in their own thoughts.

When Chuuya went to the bathroom to put back the first aid kit, he almost expected to come back to an empty room. Instead, he had to blink a few times to make sure that the scene before his eyes wasn't just a weird product of his overtired mind.

"What are you doing?"

"Tryin' to sleep", Dazai answered, his voice muffled from the pillow he was hiding his face into.

"That's my bed", Chuuya pointed out, as his eyes were fixed on Dazai, who was snuggled on his bed, lying on his uninjured side, his back to Chuuya.

"Yep, great spirit of observation, Chibi".

"You have your own room".

A sigh. "Are you planning on keep saying obvious things or will you let me sleep?"

Really, Chuuya asked himself, why do I even like this guy?

"You could take the couch if you want to stay here, why would I let you sleep in my bed?"

"You can take the couch if you want", Dazai said, as if it was the most normal thing, and he gestured vaguely with an hand, not even turning around when speaking.

Honestly, the guts that guy had. "Or I could just kill you and get it over with".

"You're too tired for that", Dazai said, the teasing tone in his voice evident despite the clear weariness. "Come on", he added, and patted the spot on the bed next to him.

It was really something, the way Dazai could at the same time make Chuuya's nerves pulse with anger and making his heart skip a beat or running like crazy.

"You're so fucking annoying", he murmured under his breath, part at Dazai and part at himself and his own feelings. He cursed again when Dazai chuckled and his heart decided that skipping beats was its new favourite thing to do.

The bed was more than big enough for the two of them, but that didn't make it any easier for Chuuya's traitor heart. And forcing himself to turn around and not staring at Dazai's sleepy relaxed features was probably the most difficult mission he had faced that day.

" 'night, Chibi".

Chuuya simply hummed in response, hating Dazai and the way he made him feel more than anything.

For once, he was grateful for the weariness of his body and mind, because he doubted that, if it wasn't for that, he would have managed to close his eyes that night. Instead, he fell asleep after not too long, his mind too tired to focus on anything but the regular and relaxed sound of Dazai's soft breathing.

He wasn't sure, next morning, if being grateful or not that the spot next to him on the bed was empty.

~ ~ ~

It became an habit of sort - Chuuya taking care of Dazai's wounds after a mission, when necessary, and then Dazai just refusing to leave his room and ending up spending the night in Chuuya's bed.

Saying he had gotten used to it and the proximity didn't affect him anymore would have been one of the biggest lie ever, because his heart kept skipping and pounding like crazy in his throat every time it happened, refusing to leave Chuuya alone and always ready to remind him of his misery and stupid feelings.

He still liked it, though (and at this point he couldn't really keep denying it to himself), despite how stupid the thought made him feel and the many nights spent without being able to sleep and staring at Dazai in the dark.

He liked the closeness, liked the warm feeling spreading in his chest as Dazai let himself be vulnerable (or, as vulnerable as he was capable of) when it was just the two of them. He liked the honesty of those moments.

He liked all that, and hated it at the same time.

Hated it because he couldn't understand why Dazai did it, hated it because it didn't happen often enough and, now, when Dazai didn't show up, his nights felt more lonely and his bed way too big just for himself.

Until, one day, it wasn't just to treat injuries after difficult missions anymore.

Until, one day, Dazai stared to come into Chuuya's house at night, occupying his bed without saying anything and sleeping there as if it was the most normal thing ever.

Sometimes, Chuuya came back to his apartment and found him already there, still awake as if waiting for him; some other times, he heard him easily picking his lock and coming in, followed the sound of his footsteps until they stopped near the bed, and felt the mattress bending under the new weight.

The first time it happened, it was the former.

"The fuck are you doing here?"

Dazai opened his one eye not covered in bandages and looked at Chuuya.

"Ehi, Chibi", he just said."Turn off the light, I was trying to sleep".

And really, Chuuya was completely justified for how his nerves pulsed and gravity increased around him making the floor crack. He was also, definitely justified for the kick he aimed at Dazai's back.

"This is my house, you useless mackerel, what are you even doin here?"

Not that he wanted him to go, obviously - as his traitor heart had kindly reminded him when it had made a somersault as soon as he had seen Dazai on the bed and the prospect of a lonely night had turned into that of spending it so close with his partner.

A thought crossed his mind, suddenly, and he cursed himself for not having had it before.

"You're injured?", he asked, moving closer to the bed, worry starting to creep into his him.

"Nope", Dazai answered, and finally raised in a sitting position and properly faced Chuuya. "Your bed is simply more comfortable than mine", he shrugged, as that explained everything.

It didn't, not to Chuuya.

“Bullshit”.

He knew that Dazai wouldn't give him a serious explanation, though, not until he himself wouldn't want to. So Chuuya swallowed another curse and his heart that was pounding painfully in his throat, and changed into his sleeping clothes (safely hiding his hat in the wardrobe, like he had started doing after one morning it had went missing and he had only found it later, sitting comfortably on Dazai's stupid head).

Than night, Chuuya couldn't sleep, both his mind and feelings a mess impossible to unravel. He looked at Dazai, so close that he would only need to move a few immense centimeters to touch him, and yet always so impossible to reach and to understand.

He looked at him, and thought he wanted nothing more than close the small distance between them. Maybe it was the tiredness from the long day of work that made him act on his desires without really thinking about it - and so, he moved closer, like a haunted animal afraid to alert the one chasing him, until they were closer than ever. Not quite touching, but close enough that he could feel Dazai's warmth like a ghost on his skin.

His heart hammered in his chest.

He would move away again, he promised himself, he would only indulge in a few dangerous minutes, a secret that the dark of the night could hold forever.

Dazai's breath was soft and regular, telling Chuuya that despite him moving, he hadn't even stirred. Seeing Dazai so calm and relaxed was a privilege, and one Chuuya was extremely grateful for.

What am I even doing?

What is he even doing?

He wanted to know - he needed to know. Maybe Dazai knew about Chuuya's feelings for him, and that was his plan for mocking him and making his life hell? Chuuya shook his head at himself - that wasn't like Dazai; he was perceptive and clever enough that the chances that he had understood were scarily high, but Chuuya knew he wouldn't react like this.

No, this was something else. Maybe Dazai simply didn't want to sleep alone.

Sighing, he gave up on trying to find an answer - Dazai was a dilemma, an unsolvable mystery whose answer only he knew. Chuuya had no chance of finding it on his own.

He still couldn't take his eyes away from him, though. Even in the dark, he could make out Dazai's features, the lines of his eyes, his jaw, his lips.

Fuck, I want to kiss him.

He turned around in a swift motion before the thought was even fully formed in his mind, blushing, his face coming aflame under the weight of the embarrassment.

He didn't sleep at all that night, he spent it awake, all too aware of the body so close behind him (and yet not wanting to move away from it and put a safe distance between them again), and wondering where would he even find the strength to face Dazai the next day.

~ ~ ~

Usually, Chuuya would wake up to an empty bed (for the nights when he could actually sleep). Empty and cold like no one was there in the first place, and the whole thing had been nothing more than Chuuya's way too vivid imagination playing games on him.

There were times, though, when Dazai would stay and Chuuya would wake up, open his eyes and find him still lying next him, asleep.

Those times were the hardest test for his nerves and self control, the moments when he couldn't stop himself from indulging in fantasies and letting them play freely in his head.

He had accused Dazai of being selfish, but in those mornings he thought the truth was that he was probably as selfish as him.

Because he didn't know why Dazai was there, why he kept coming back - and every time he tried to ask him, the answers were always the same obvious lies, or a taunting comeback that told Chuuya that Dazai didn't want to talk about it.

But, what Chuuya knew for sure was that he wanted him to keep doing so.

He wanted to be able to be close to him, bask in the sense of intimacy they had built for themselves when they were hidden behind the curtains of the night. He wanted to keep looking at Dazai relaxed sleeping face, looking at his lips and imagining how it would feel to kiss him. He wanted to keep being Dazai's hiding place from whatever was going on in his mind.

He wanted to take whatever Dazai was giving him, no matter the reason behind it.

He wondered if that made him selfish, or simply stupid.

~ ~ ~

It changed, one night, and the careful balance of pretending they had built inside the four walls of Chuuya's house came tumbling down.

Chuuya was lying in his bed, waiting and hoping to hear the front door open, and Dazai's careful footsteps crossing the apartment and coming into the bedroom. And so it happened, after some long minutes of hopeful waiting, as so often it did lately.

It was just like every other night. Until it wasn't anymore.

Until Chuuya felt Dazai crawling into bed, coming so much closer than any other time.

Until he felt Dazai's arm coming around his waist, and his body pressed against his back.

He couldn't help how his body stiffened at the sudden contact, nor the way breath stopped in his throat.

It felt like an eternity until Dazai spoke.

"Chuuya", he murmured, and Chuuya could feel his warm breath tickling the skin of his neck. "You awake?"

"As if I could sleep like this".

The words were forced out through the lump in his throat and Chuuya himself could barely hear them over the pounding of his own heart. Dazai could probably feel it, feel the way his touch made Chuuya's heart run and his mind a mess.

Not that it mattered - after all, there was an high chance he had always known (because Dazai was simply too clever and observant, and Chuuya had never been good at hiding his feelings, especially from him).

Somehow, the soft nervous laugh that escaped Dazai's lips was enough to reduce the tension in the room, and Chuuya felt himself relaxing in Dazai's hold.

Without thinking twice about it, he brought one of his hands over Dazai's, holding it.

"What's wrong?"

Because it was crystal clear that there was something wrong, something that was making Dazai cling to him like that.

Chuuya knew him well enough to know that some days, for Dazai, were much worse than others, days when he had a dark light in his eyes and a serious tone in his voice as he talked about the inconsequence and dullness of living, and the free release of killing himself; days when he felt farther away than ever, trapped in his own too intelligent mind.

Minutes ticked by without an answer - or maybe it was mere seconds, passing like a lifetime to Chuuya's senses.

"I sleep better when I'm with you".

The words were a breathed murmur again his neck

He had guessed it, in some measure, but hearing Dazai saying it made it true, real. The words, quiet and honest echoed in Chuuya's mind for some long interminable seconds.

"Is that why you've been stealing my bed all this time?"

"Mhm", Dazai hummed in assent, and his hold on Chuuya tightened ever so slightly. "Does it annoy you?"

Stupid question, the most idiotic question ever - it made Chuuya wonder if Dazai was really as clever as he claimed. Or if he simply wanted to hear the answer coming from Chuuya's lips - like a game, where if he had to be honest, so did Chuuya, too.

"You always annoy me", Chuuya said in the end. "But I could have thrown you out whenever I wanted, you know".

Their joined hands were lying against Chuuya's chest, his heart hammering against them, and there was no way Dazai couldn't feel it. Somehow, the thought wasn't as scary as is should have been.

"But you didn't". A beat, a pause. "Why?"

It felt like a callback to that night, the one that started everything, when Dazai had asked him why Chuuya was helping him treating his injuries - like they were somehow back where they had started.

It would have been easy eluding the question, saying something that could take the conversation back on a safe track. But Chuuya found he didn't really want that.

Instead, he let go of Dazai's hand, and turned around in his embrace, facing him for the first time that night.

They were close - Dazai's arm was still on Chuuya's waist, their chests were almost pressed together, their legs touching, their faces so close Chuuya could feel Dazai's breath on his lips.

Dazai's eye not covered by the bandages was fixed on Chuuya, and even in the dark Chuuya could imagine the curiosity painted in it.

"I guess-", he started, then swallowed around the lump constricting his throat. "I guess sometimes I'm selfish, too".

"I thought I was the selfish one".

"Yeah, well, we can both be".

When Dazai let out a breathless laugh, Chuuya felt it tingling on his lips.

Silence, a moment suspended in time.

"Can I be selfish now, Chuuya?"

"About what?"

A beat of silence, the the soft whisper. "You".

Chuuya had barely time to wonder what that meant and to nod before Dazai was kissing him.

It was soft, careful, hesitant even - everything Chuuya had never thought kissing Dazai would be.

Where he had imagined fire and eagerness from the very first moment, there was a slow and tentative touch, where he had thought there would be nothing but passion and chaos, there was a sigh against his lips and a gentle hand cupping his face.

It was nothing like Chuuya had imagined it, and maybe that shocked him even more than the same fact that Dazai was kissing him.

Until his startled and overwhelmed mind caught up to what was happening, and reminded Chuuya to kiss back. And he did, placing a hand to the back of Dazai's neck to bring him closer, and pressing his lips more firmly against his.

That seemed to be the only assurance that Dazai needed, like he had been barely testing the waters until then, giving Chuuya the chance to back out if he wanted.

As if Chuuya could ever do that, as if he could ever turn back now and give up something that he had been wanting for way too long, haunted by his own thoughts and feelings. He parted his lips, letting Dazai's warm tongue inside, licking into his mouth, sliding against his own, letting his taste invade his senses.

It was still different than what Chuuya had imagined, even with the hot touches and eagerness in the way they kept drawing each other in, closer and closer like they couldn't have enough – and it was true, at least for Chuuya himself; he didn't think he could ever get enough of the intoxicating ocean of sensations he was drowning in in that moment.

It was in the way – wanting and hungry and yet languid and possessive – that Dazai was touching him, his fingers stroking his skin, their legs tangled together, and in the way Chuuya, with their bodies pressed together, could feel him shudder with every new contact.

It was in the way it felt like Dazai wanted, needed that as much as Chuuya did. And that, was a fantasy Chuuya had never really let himself indulge.

Chuuya wanted to ask what did it mean, wanted to ask Dazai why. But, between the confusion and the overwhelming feelings clouding his mind, and the press of Dazai's lips, his taste filling his senses, and the burning touch of his hands, Chuuya couldn't focus on anything but what was happening right in that moment, and couldn't bring himself to stop.

And maybe, the truth was that right then and there he didn't need a reason, he just wanted to keep going, taking what he had desired for so long and that now Dazai was finally giving him.

So they kept kissing, lost in each other, their lips meeting over and over again, for an eternity. Until they both were short of breath and like that, still in each other's arms, they fell asleep.

When Chuuya woke up, Dazai was still there, snuggled up against him, hugging him, their legs still tangled together. His eyes were open, fixed on Chuuya, his lips curved in an almost imperceptible smile.

For a moment, Chuuya thought he was still dreaming.

"Stop staring at me, you creep", he mumbled, voice slow from sleep.

"Ahh, but Chuuya! You're so cute when you sleep!"

Chuuya hated how his heart started beating faster at the compliment, despite the obvious teasing in Dazai's voice - he blamed the fact that he had just woken up, and that he could still feel the pressure of Dazai's lips against his.

He breathed out in relief at the familiar banter that followed and at the fact that Dazai didn't move away, keeping close to Chuuya like he didn't mean to ever let go of him.

It had been like a dream, the night before, like they were moving in a limbo or in another reality, where they could do and say whatever they wanted, and it wouldn't matter anymore once it would be touched by the daylight.

But now, now it felt like the two realities had merged, and they didn't have to hide behind the night anymore.

So Chuuya leaned in, cutting off with his lips whatever idiotic thing Dazai was saying.

"That's cheating, Chuuya".

"That's strategy, mackerel".

There was still something, though, nagging at Chuuya's mind, a voice that kept whispering doubts at questions.

"Dazai".

The tone of his voice must have given him away, because there was now a glint of seriousness in Dazai's eyes.

"Why did you kiss me last night?"

He wasn't expecting one of Dazai's hand to find his own and staring to play with his fingers. As if it was normal, as if it was something they always did, and not something that made Chuuya's mind short-circuit.

"Why did you kiss back?"

"Don't answer my question with another", Chuuya said, rolling his eyes. Then added, "And you know why, anyway".

"Do I? Maybe I want to hear you say it".

"Fuck you", Chuuya shot back, but it lacked his usual strength. "And don't elude the question", he added.

A sigh. "You said it yourself, I'm selfish - I wanted it, so I did it"

Chuuya thought it was fair, in a way – maybe, the night before, both of them had been thinking more about themselves than the other, too lost in what they wanted to think about what the other wanted and what it would mean for them.

It could mean everything, it could mean nothing.

What Chuuya knew was that it wanted to at least mean something. And he didn't know what Dazai wanted, but he was willing to wait, let him be selfish, as Chuuya did the same.

After all, it really seemed that, when it came to Dazai, he really was selfish.

~ ~ ~

Nothing changed, on the outside. It was still the same - the same banter, the same continuous insulting and teasing each other, the same fighting together as partners. What was different was that now, when Chuuya imagined kissing Dazai, he knew what it really felt like, the the taste of his lips engraved in his senses; now, Chuuya knew he could indulge in his fantasies without feeling stupidly hopeless, because he knew he could turn them into reality whenever he wanted.

Now, when Dazai stayed the night - and it happened almost every day - there was no space between them, their bodies as close as possible, their arms around each other, their fingers entwined.

"You said you sleep better with me", Chuuya said one such night. "What did you mean?"

He had learned that at night, in those moments when nothing else existed in the whole world outside the two of them, Dazai was more willing to be honest. And Chuuya was selfish enough to take advantage of that.

"Just that", Dazai answered. "My dreams are way too crowded usually, it keeps me awake".

"And they quiet down when you're with me".

"Don't boast, Chibi, it's just because you're too noisy and annoying, you make everything else seem quiet".

Chuuya laughed, and his arms around Dazai tightened its hold. "Mhm, sure it is".

“And what about your days?”, he asked again, after a while. “You said that your nights are too noisy and crowded- what about your days, how are they?”

It was a while until Dazai answered, so long that Chuuya started to think he had fallen asleep, or simply had no intention of answering.

“My days are even too quiet, usually”.

“Do I make that better, too?”

“You're rowdy, it's a nice contrast”.

To be honest, Chuuya hadn't expected that answer. The warm sensation spreading through him had become pleasantly familiar, especially on nights like that.

He didn't say anything else, letting Dazai fall asleep and lose himself in quiet dreams.

~ ~ ~

Nothing changed on the outside between them, but Chuuya couldn't help but notice that the times he had to rescue Dazai from a river he had thrown himself into, or save him from some other fanciful attempt to kill himself, had decreased noticeably.

~ ~ ~

Another day, another difficult mission, and another night that saw Chuuya and Dazai walking side by side in corridors of the Mafia headquarters, heavy limbs and aching muscles asking for relief in several hours of sleep.

It wasn't a question, when they stopped before Chuuya's front door - that, at that point, wasn't even just Chuuya's anymore (and the thought made his heart flip happily, like every time he saw the evident signs of Dazai's presence in his home).

It was an established routine - Chuuya going to the bathroom to take the first aid kit, Dazai waiting in the bedroom (and Chuuya was now sadly used to his sheets being tainted by blood) for him to come back and treat his injuries.

At one point, Chuuya had told him he could as well start doing it on his own.

Dazai had replied with "Why would I when I have you doing it? And I know you like taking care of me, Chuuya".

"Only because you're a huge baby and refuse to do it yourself", he had replied, but the blush on his cheeks probably gave away the fact that Dazai's words were true. And, judging by the smug smile on his lips, Dazai knew it, too.

Now, as he sat besides Dazai, studying him and the injuries that marked his body from the recent fight, Chuuya felt strangely serene, as if he was exactly where he needed to be. He was willing and ready to take care of Dazai until he wouldn't do it himself; and the simple fact that Dazai let him, that he came to him for comfort, that he let Chuuya in while everyone else stayed locked outside – it was something, and more than Chuuya had ever thought he could get.

They hadn't talked about it, about what their relationship was, about what it meant – but, even without labels, they both knew.

Chuuya was snatched away from his thoughts by Dazai's voice, breaking the silence fallen between them.

"You're bleeding", Dazai pointed out, looking at Chuuya's arm, where one of the ability users they had fought earlier had managed to hit him.

He had taken off his jacket and shirt already, and his arm felt stiff and aching, but nothing he couldn't stand for a little while.

"I know", he said, and shrugged. "It's nothing".

"A bit hypocritical, eh, Chuuya?"

And Chuuya had to stop for a moment and laugh, because Dazai was looking at him with a smile and mirth in his eyes - and Chuuya had the feeling that Dazai had expected that kind of answer from him.

"Shut up, unlike you I'm gonna treat my own wounds later", he replied, as he started working on Dazai's wounds.

They stayed in silence, Dazai with his eyes closed, relaxed under Chuuya's touch.

When he was finished, Chuuya put away the dirty cloth, and took a clean one and new bandages to treat his own wound.

A hand suddenly put on his stopped him from moving.

"Let me", Dazai said, softly, a murmur in the quiet of the room, and he took the cloth and gauze from Chuuya's hands.

Chuuya, on his part, was too shocked to even reply as Dazai started cleaning his wound. His hands were delicate and careful against his skin, but still able to send shivers throughout his body.

The effect Dazai had on him, even with a single glance or a simple touch, was enough to send Chuuya's mind in a whirl of overwhelming feelings.

"So you do know how to do this", he said, more to break the silence and stop his own thoughts from derailing.

"Of course I do", Dazai answered with an overdramatic roll of his eyes. But his voice was low, thoughtful, at his next words. "I just never thought it really mattered - as long as it didn't hurt. And then there was you, ready to take care of me", he added, raising his eyes from what he was doing and meeting Chuuya's. "I'm not good at taking care of myself, but it's easier when you help me. And I like it".

"A bit selfish, eh, Dazai?", Chuuya said, voice as soft as Dazai's.

"Guess you're right", Dazai chuckled. His hand was still moving carefully against Chuuya's skin. "But-"

"But...?"

"I think I'm tired of being selfish".

Chuuya had to remember himself to breathe, swallowed once to clear his throat - a maybe his head, but that seemed like it had stopped working, too busy repeating Dazai's words. Their eyes were still locked together.

"Yeah?", he managed to say, a smile making its way on his lips. He found Dazai's hand, that had stopped cleaning the wound and was now simply resting on Chuuya's arm, stroking the clear skin, and took it in his own, their fingers lacing together naturally.

It was Dazai who leaned in and kissed him, a familiar gesture by now, but to which Chuuya still couldn't get used to. There was no hesitance, their lips firmly pressed together and moving against each other, their free hands finding their way on each other's bodies, keeping each other close.

Chuuya thought he would gladly spend the rest of forever kissing Dazai, feeling his touch, his smell, his taste, feeling him, like nothing else existed in the world and his senses were only made to feel him, and him alone.

“You know”, he murmured when they broke apart, breathing heavily against each other's lips. “When we kissed for the first time, I was think more about myself than you”.

Dazai laughed. “That makes it two of us”.

“Told you we're both selfish”, Chuuya said, his hand stroking Dazai's cheek, his smile brushing against his.

Maybe that was what made them a good match.

“And what were you thinking about now?”

“Us”.

Chuuya smiled. “ Me too”, he said, and kissed him again.

[pyrten]

DAZAI OSAMU : QUICK CHARACTER STUDY

(At 3 AM in the morning and that's why it's messy, all over the place and generally, shit.)

Majority of the characters in BSD are morally grey, Dazai included. I'm unable to categorise characters into good or evil, which is what makes BSD really nice to watch.  

Majority of the instances, whenever I have an opinion on someone like Dazai, it's mainly based on their actions. I'll make an exception for his case because I believe he speaks the truth sometimes. 

It's seriously difficult to believe what someone like him says. His weapon is his intellect and his tongue. He could say this and do that instead. Obviously he isn't good at combat, but he could say something and have you on the hook.

He's cunning, sly and in general: a liar (sometimes). As for psychological manipulation… well, it's not something to be looked down upon since it's in our everyday lives.

DARK ERA

He has a more serious aura and was far more suicidal compared to ADA Dazai. He barely flinched when a bullet grazed his cheek. 

I won't even sugarcoat the fact that Dazai is an asshole. 

The way he treated Akutagawa is wrong. The training may have made him resilient, but his mental health isn't in an okay shape. In the end, he even upped and left him without an explanation (although, I think Akutagawa has an idea of why he left).  

Remember when he fired at the GSS captain? If I didn't count wrong, it was 13 shots (my dude over here desecrating a corpse). 

(I couldn't find the GIF of him shooting the corpse, so this is as close as I can get)

He does poke fun at Chuuya, and you can perhaps say that he does some good (but we've only seen a single good deed so far…).

He recognized that Chuuya was being manipulated by the Sheep and in his own way gave him a push. There was the part* when Shirase was talking and it zoomed in on Dazai, who had a wary, analyzing look on him. 

It's clear that the Sheep is quite dependent on him. They believe that Chuuya will be there to save them whenever they fuck up (ex. crossing the river to steal booze, when they know it's near the PM HQ, in result, getting a few of their members captured). They came looking for him to put it simply, beat up and save their comrades, which points towards the fact that they are using him for his ability. 

Shirase also said:

"People who hold more cards than others have a responsibility. Fulfill your responsibility as the one with the trump card called an ability."*

Which again, further points towards the fact that they are using him for his ability and somewhat guilt tripping him. 

Dazai later adds his own input.

"Amusing. You guys are truly amusing. He's by far the strongest among you, but he's like a sheep being stared down by wolves." 

Called out. 

It then changes to show Chuuya's face. Honestly he looks on guard, and I think he knows what they're trying to do, but it's a can of worms he would rather not open, y' know?  

Dazai then later says once more when Shirase is trying to convince Chuuya to kick the PM's ass.

"Give it a rest. He has the freedom to choose how he uses his ability. Even a child would understand that. There's no argument." 

And as a final attempt to convince Chuuya, he pulls the old guilt trip card, which Dazai and Chuuya ignore. 

"Don't forget, Chuuya! The Sheep who took you in when you had no identity and nowhere to go! 

When all of this is happening, Dazai knew Chuuya was being manipulated, and he also watered the seed of doubt with his actions, and in the end the Sheep turned their backs on Chuuya, which led to Chuuya joining the Port Mafia. 

I can say this was a small good deed, pulling Chuuya out, but the choice was Chuuya's and he just gave a push. 

ARMED DETECTIVE AGENCY

Dazai isn't a naturally kind and virtuous person, but he's trying, for Oda (oh boy).

The way he handled Kyoka's situation wasn't all rainbows and confetti. 

I have a feeling he's trying to look at the bigger picture, to save people (perhaps because he blames himself for Oda's death, but I'll set that aside temporarily due to the time), but his methods aren't... nice. Atsushi has gotten hurt multiple times, Akutagawa too. In some ways, I suppose I can understand some things are unavoidable, but still. 

Compared to how he treated Akutagawa, he's far better with Atsushi. He's treating him the way Oda treated him. 

Atsushi has a completely different mindset compared to Akutagawa. He's a selfless person, he fights injustice. If Dazai tried to treat him the way he treated Akutagawa, I can confirm that isn't gonna turn out good. 

Besides, he's trying to become a better person. That, and he owes Akutagawa an apology.

From this part onwards, these are all flash thoughts that I wrote quickly because I'm falling asleep by the minute.

FLASH THOUGHT #1 :

Now that's over with… I don't particularly have anything to add on. So I'm going to move onto… uh, how do I word this, facade?

I said above that his weapon is his intellect. It's clear that whatever he has on can be fake, or real. Y'know that goofy, playful Dazai we all know. 

He's probably able to control his every movement and actions. Like, I cannot imagine Dazai doing something ACCIDENTALLY. Imagine that, someone who can control his own heartbeat, doing something accidentally (unintentionally, he never meant to do it, yeah that would be surprising).

But then again he's human… despite being a strategic and tactical genius… so yes, him doing something on accident would be interesting to watch.

Now if he miscalculated or like mistaken, uh, like that time, with the hiker, BSD Season 3. Then, yes that's understandable. 

FLASH THOUGHT #2:

Mk… facade and accidents are covered… uh… I'll talk about the power he had when he was 14, Dark Era Dazai.

… He had enough sway in the mafia since he was 14 (correct me if I'm wrong). He was allowed to be the sole witness of the Boss's final wish. SOLE WITNESS. A young boy at the age of 14 was allowed to be the sole witness. 

He was considered to be the youngest executive in the Port Mafia. If so, then why didn't the other executives (during the reign of the Old Boss) fight over the choice to be the witness of the Boss's death other than Mori. Perhaps the Old Boss didn't have executives, but that's unlikely.  

Now, that's something.  

FLASH THOUGHT #3:

Talking about suicide… I think Dazai doesn't want to die, but he does. He's failed so many suicide attempts, some of them being sabotaged, but what about the others. 

Since Dazai didn't have anyone around his age constantly (save for Oda and Ango, but several years later… perhaps when he was 16, seeing how Oda and Dazai knew each other during the Dragon's Head Rush), he only had victories of his missions and such to comfort his loneliness.  

I think that it's practically ingrained in him. 

Dying means winning and losing. Your life is finished. 

If that's the case, dying would mean he lost (but won). It's conflicting and confusing as hell, I know ;-; . I'm trying to explain my thoughts the best I can - . 

When Chuuya came around, his loneliness was, um, calmed, a little. 

Oda died and gave him a reason to live.

I think he still feels a little lonely though.

That's the end. I'll be out like a light in about 3 mins so I'll just, drop a GIF and go before I start pressing anything on accident.

Yep, okay, bye bye.

oh, I forgot the hashtags, um .

Hashtags added.

Good night. :D

[bungoustraydogsbigbang]

We’ve come to the end of the Soukoku Big Bang 2019! Before we move on to the master post for 2019, we would like to express our sincerest thanks to all of you. It has been a wild ride and us mods couldn’t thank our participants enough for being such lovely people to work with. There’ll also be a feedback form the participants can fill in! The link will be distributed through email and shared in our discord server. We would like to know how you think about us and how you would like us to improve through our feedback form!

If you missed your chance this year, don’t worry, we’ll be back again in 2020! Do stay tuned for some exciting information on where this event will be going next year! We have some “big news” waiting for you!

Without further ado, here’s the masterpost for all entries of Soukoku Big Bang 2019! 

M A S T E R P O S T

It Was Worth Trying by MidnightLightHowlite | Art by Misa

Rating: General Audiences

Seeing Dazai float face down in a river was not all that unusual. True, it hadn't happened in four years, but the view was not exactly a foreign one. No, what was foreign was the fact that Dazai seemed to be shorter. And younger. And didn't remember him. In retrospect, Chuuya probably shouldn't have let the boy call Mori because that allowed his boss to put him on babysitting duty.

(Or Dazai gets deaged. No romance will happen till they are both the same age again.)

Bandaged Sheep by MidnightLightHowlite | Art by Abel

Rating: Teen and Up Audiences

There had been something very weird, very off about the new recruit. He had popped up out of thin air a few months ago, wrapped from head to toe in bandages. Not a word of what he did before, saying he wanted to join the sheep. He wasn't strong or skilled, and truly, there was no logical reason for Chuuya to pay him any mind.

But then the Port Mafia put a huge bounty on his head and things started to get interesting

these days, you’re fine by AquarianTwin | Art by Nella

Rating: Teen and Up Audiences

Fifth-grade classmates Q and Aya are convinced that their older brothers would make a perfect pair if they’d just stop fighting for five minutes. Dazai and Chuuya, who have been dating for over a year, find this too funny to correct them.

Dazai takes in his younger sibling, Q, after they’re removed from their father’s home. Overwhelmed by the responsibility of raising of a child when he can barely keep himself alive some days, Dazai leans on his partner, Chuuya, to help lead him through. It’s a good thing Q gets along so well with Chuuya’s younger sister, but Dazai thinks he might die of laughter if the pair try to “secretly” set him up on another date with his own boyfriend.

Project Pinocchio by EKmisao | Art by Ginny

Rating: Teen and Up Audiences

What kept the youngest mafia executive alive enough was a new file, on a newly-acquired powerful cyborg. It started as a project to keep a cyborg a boy. It became more than he expected.

Outrunning Fate by RocketJams | Art by Nanamin

Rating: Not Rated

Chuuya laid in the hospital bed, his consciousness slipping away slowly as he patiently awaited his demise. The doctors had assured him he wouldn't feel a thing but for some reason he couldn't shake this feeling his chest. An subtle pain which at this point had coaxed his stomach into a frenzy. Something was wrong but there wasn't a damn thing he could do about it.

In Isolation He Thrived by Maddy | Art by Leo

Rating: Teen and Up Audiences

All his life Dazai felt like a tool, a pawn that was just tossed aside when not needed. He was looked down on and felt useless, so slowly a fire ignited within him and turned him into a merciless person also well known as a "Soulless Demon".

He always believed he was destined to do wrong until one day when he finds Chuuya who proves him wrong.

S8 (TBA)

i step from here without you by fatimé | Art by eva

Rating: Teen and Up Audiences

“I used Corruption because I trusted you,” Chuuya gasps out, and the words leave a hole the size of Yokohama in his chest. He punches Dazai right where that hole is and hopes it hurts him just as much as it hurts Chuuya.

Dazai smiles. He catches him when his vision finally goes dark and the next thing Chuuya wakes to is emptiness in his heart and a stack of neatly folded clothes.

In one universe, they’re partners-turned enemies, the former Double Black, the most fearsome duo in Port Mafia history. They’re Soukoku and they’re spiteful and they’re tangled up in one another more than they’d care to admit.

In another, they’re—

S10 (TBA)

In Blood we are Sealed by Chaosia | Art by RedZeverin

Dazai stared at his subordinate and the white tiger passed out on the ground, dismayed. It almost worked. This was the fourth person they've went to. There was one more person Dazai could take Atsushi to but he had enough reason to guess that it wouldn't work.

Dazai made a face.

There was one person Dazai knew who could do the job. He'd successfully commit suicide though before that gremlin ever found out he had such thoughts. The taste of metallic filled his mouth. He held in the urge to spit it out.

His ears rang as he imagined a shrieking voice yelling his name like it was the worst insult one could come up with and the mirage of fire that surrounded those blue eyes and foul mouth. Ugh, he was so annoying even in his imagination...and short.

Sticking a pinky into his ear to clear out the haunting voice, Dazai went about gathering up his apprentice and the tiger. Maybe fate would take pity on him and this next trip would solve their problem...

He could feel the cursed blood laughing at him all the way back to their hotel room.

Or a magical AU where Dazai inadvertently gets Atsushi cursed and they have to go to Chuuya, a powerful witch in his own right, to break it.

S14 (TBA)

Quatervois by TheWanderingTanteiThief | Art by King

Rating: Teen and Up Audiences

Quatervois (n.) a crossroads; a critical decision or turning point in one's life

Chuuya didn't expect to see a man hanging from a tree.

Chuuya didn't expect to meet the man again.

Chuuya certainly didn't expect the man to be the crown prince of the kingdom.

...or cardverse au where Dazai is an asshole and Chuuya just wants to have a peaceful life. Is that too much to ask?

flaws and all by alli | Art by phryn

The transition Dazai and Chuuya routinely make between their heated arguing and completely seamless teamwork is being disrupted by their changing relationship. Which is an issue, because the two of them have been assigned to what could possibly be the most important undercover mission of their careers. Will they be able to strengthen their partnership for the better, or will it crack under the ever growing pressure?

-

As much as he craved that, as easy as it would be to do, it terrified him.

So, he didn’t.

Mirror Mirror In My Eye by MidnightLightHowlite | Art by cchibikko

Rating: Teen and Up Audiences

Dazai didn't have much hope for the next few years of Hogwarts, but would have liked to wait at least a few till Arahabaki noticed him.

Never such luck for the resident mummy.

School year was already shitty as it was, but now he has a fiery angry redhead demanding answers he's not ready to give

School year was already shitty as it was, but now he has a fiery angry redhead demanding answers he's not ready to give

Fuck.

thy kingdom come by chubsthehamster | Art by Stella Rasu

Rating: Teen and Up Audiences

In a bid to save their continent from destruction, the kingdoms of Ada and the Port Mafia must put aside their years of tension to form an uneasy alliance. An act of holy matrimony unites Princes Dazai Osamu and Nakahara Chuuya, marking the beginning of an infamous partnership.

The affair is strictly political, and perhaps for the better. The two hate each other from the beginning.

should we never meet again by setosdarkness | Art by phryn

Rating: Mature

Sixteen women have been killed by a vicious serial killer haunting Yokohama’s streets.

Dazai has been chosen to become a part of the elite Bloody Valentine Task Force, even if he personally thinks that it’d be a lot more fun to stay at home with his boyfriend. Especially since it took years to convince Chuuya to finally move in with him.

It’s just a coincidence that Chuuya’s agreed to move in with him the moment he’s been chosen to become a part of the Task Force, right?

Resolving the Matter in Spirit by ASentientSlug | Art by Tomomorey

Rating: Teen and Up Audiences

Dazai's boring, everyday life ends in an accidental double suicide, but instead of facing the sweet release of endless sleep, Dazai finds himself in the Spirit World, where nothing is familiar and dangerous, soul-eating spirits lurk behind every corner. To get out, Dazai must confront the ghosts of his past and the ghosts of his present when one very familiar and yet very dangerous spirit takes Dazai under his wing.

If We Ever Meet Again by Luc | Art by Saiel

Rating: Mature

It all started with diamonds.

Chuuya thinks he would've been just as attracted to it if it wasn't for the equally shiny police badge in his pocket.

It all ends with a silver bullet.

For someone as talented in the dance of crime, Dazai has developed quite a bias about the jewels that would catch anybody's fancy.

Diamonds? They're overrated. Old. Boring.

Rubies? Sapphires?

Now those—

—those are worth getting caught for.

keep your windows open by Maristella | Art by Einjjjj

Rating: General Audiences

Usually, whenever Chuuya jumped, he flew.

This was not one of those times.

(Or, alternatively, where Chuuya breaks into Dazai's mansion as a thief, and comes out as a kidnapper. Even though he's also sort of a kid. And it's also not kidnapping.)

(Not when the victim bribed the kidnapper to take him.)

“You do know that the treasure doesn’t exist, right?”

“The what?”

“The treasure. You know, the one in the rumours. It doesn’t exist.”

“…are you screwing with me?”

“No?”

“I’m not an idiot. If there’s no treasure, why else are you here then?”

“Um…this is my house?”

(Also featuring: Chuuya and the different types of falling.)

half of my half by keptein | Art by manwe.russingon

Rating: Mature

No one understands why Dazai’s dæmon looks like a boy more often than not.

Book One: Fire by chuuzuke | Art by wandiwoo

Rating: Teen and Up Audiences

Avatar The Last Airbender/Korra AU: The world has changed. Technology can meet nearly every need, to the point where bending is considered a relic of the past, and with it, the Avatar. In fact, no one has seen the Avatar for nearly 100 years, and most people prefer to keep it that way.

Nakahara Chuuya, Prince of the Fire Nation, more than understands what it's like to be considered a relic. After the Fire nation moved to a parliamentary system, the title of Fire Lord is a largely ceremonial one, and Chuuya struggles under the burden of an office that restricts his every move without giving him any actual power to enact change.

When he runs away, intent on finding his own path, it seems like fate when he runs into Dazai Osamu, a mysterious man who claims he has a way to cure the unexplained illness Chuuya has suffered from his whole life.

peace lily by intimatopia | Art by phryn

Rating: Teen and Up Audiences

They say you don’t truly know a person until you live with them. Dazai and Chuuya would argue that they know more about each other than one ought to know about anyone else.

Or: Mori forces 15 year old Dazai and Chuuya to share a flat because he doesn’t trust them to be on their own, and he thinks it’ll be a good way for them to bond.

Dazai and Chuuya think he's a sadist.

Two rambunctious teen boys, left to their own devices in a multi-million dollar penthouse. What could possibly go wrong?

of flowers and verses by lua & lanipalmer | Art by Yahuri

Rating: Teen and Up Audiences

For years, Nakahara Chuuya has been pining over the ex-mafioso himself, Dazai Osamu. So what better to vent than through poetry? Combined with his (frankly, alarming) knowledge of flower languages, this is a story about Chuuya and his frustrations and desires.

Still Worth Fighting For by Maru | Art by ewe

Rating: Teen and Up Audiences

"In which Chuuya never joins the port mafia, stops using his ability for fighting out of guilt, and later becomes a hacker.

His life had been relatively peaceful until one day, Dazai appears again at his doorstep asking for his help to find information on ‘The Rats.’"

The Necromancer by Ru | Art by etsuki_haru

Rating: Mature

If you venture into the slums of Suribachi City, you’ll find the witch Dazai Osamu, known as the Necromancer, and his barely tamed beast, Arahabaki. If you bring to him the bones of someone, he will bring that person back to life - in exchange for some of your lifespan. But bringing a soul back from the dead turn a heart twisted. Did you get your wish, or dig your own grave? These are the grim tales of a witch and a creature, trying to figure out their humanity, overseeing the consequences of taking death too lightly.

S34 (TBA)

fire and calamity by Jasmine | Art by Zen

Arahabaki has left its vessel, leaving Chuuya in a comatose state. Dazai and the rest of the ADA now have to track the god down and capture it for two reasons. One, because Chuuya knows the whereabouts of the Book. Two, because if they don't, they lose him forever. (ADA!Chuuya, established!SKK)

S38 (TBA)

fight our way to heaven by kiwi | Art by chicchii

Rating: Teen and Up Audiences

The redhead had a fire in him that made Dazai want to poke and prod until he could see the limits. Chuuya was so alive and for the first time since Dazai could remember, he wanted to taste and feel that fire.

What he didn’t account for was that the decision to follow Chuuya would lead him to discovering memories he didn’t know he had and it would make them a target for all ability organizations in Yokohama.

Or the one where we have teen skk against the world.

Everything Comes Back To You by Catsby | Art by Mai

Rating: Teen and Up Audiences

In the period after the war for the Book, the Port Mafia finds itself in need of a Boss. The logical choice for that position would be Chuuya - except Chuuya has gone missing.

Après Un Rêve by manwe.russingon | Art by Sebby

Rating: Teen and Up Audiences

"I wandered long, methought, alone

to the deep shadow where the dead dwell,

but ever a voice that I knew well,

like bells, like viols, like harps, like birds,

like music moving without words,

called me, called me through the night,

enchanted drew me back to the light!"

Nakahara Chuuya, the elven lord commander of the kingsguard of kingdom of Mirkwood, singing in the woods. With a sudden intervention from Dazai Osamu, a mysterious being that was caught in between his tunes, they became best friends afterwards. Or perhaps it is more than that?

Time to time, one story comes with another. The truth finally unveils, and the clock is ticking faster. What exactly is Dazai? Why does he act so familiarly to Chuuya? And perhaps the biggest question we need the answer is: What makes them always connected, even for thousands of years?

S42 by chuuzuke | Art by willofjokerXIX

Lost All Judgement by todxrxki | Art by Yahuri

Rating: Teen and Up Audiences

“Uh, sorry, but unfortunately I already have a date to the dance.”

“Oh, really?” Tachihara says, sounding disappointed. He pauses for a second, clearly processing what Chuuya’s just told him, and then says, “Who is it?”

Chuuya certainly hadn’t budgeted for this.

Panicking, he tries to think of the people that he knows that are single, and before he knows it, the first name that comes to mind is slipping out of his mouth. “With Dazai.” / After a momentary lapse in judgment, high school student Chuuya ends up having to pretend to date his enemy Dazai to get Tachihara off of his back - and quickly finds it's nowhere as bad as he'd imagined.

Of Boxers and Bachelors by writingfromtheshadows | Art (1 & 2 & 3) by Angella

Rating: Teen and Up Audiences

When Dazai Osamu gets cut off from the family's coffers in an attempt to regulate his behavior, he decides to find a way around his father's ultimatum. Faking an engagement with an underground boxer sounds like the perfect scandal...

Crimson Memoirs by Luneath & Abel | Art by lefterstein

Rating: Mature

By the power of great ancient magic, supernatural beings are aptly hidden just behind the eyelids of humans. Vampires, witches, weres, faeries – all of them live and exist out of the fairy tales books.

Humans' eyes are just shielded into not comprehending their true nature, their magic, and their trickery. To protect them, the Gods say. But Dazai has always known that he’s no ordinary human. From the gift of seeing beyond the magic veil to the peculiar dreams to the aching, hollow feeling hugging his chest in a tight embrace – he knows he’s different.

What Dazai doesn’t know is that this isn’t the start of his story and the stranger with glowing blue eyes that have always been the center of his recurring dreams. What Dazai doesn’t know is that this is not exactly his first life. Dazai doesn't know a lot of things. But with time, he will come to know that he doesn't mind dying the second time for Chuuya.

entanglement by Shinkirou | Art by Zevy

Rating: Mature

Not everyone has a destined partner. Theoretically, even Dazai and Chuuya aren't supposed to. Are being programmed not to, even.

But whether they're "meant" to be together or not is irrelevant. Dazai wants Chuuya to be his, and so Chuuya will be his.

... If only it were actually that simple.

pointless by Lua | Art by Behax

Rating: Explicit

It was an annoyance after everything that happened, and yet, Chuuya found himself on the doorsteps of a man that he had more than enough reasons to kill. He could come up with excuses, but he was not in the habit of lying to himself. At times, Chuuya would describe their relationship as an addiction he couldn't get rid of. This was ridiculous. Dazai was now a traitor and a coward; what did that make of Chuuya himself to know where to find him and keep that a secret?

Latent Identities by RocketJams | Art by Seiran

Rating: Explicit

He could deny it however many times he wanted to, but Dazai could see through it every time. The lies over his lips, the false smiles and misleading words. He could fool anyone else into believing he was who he said he was. Though whenever he smiled, Dazai could feel it. Something was wrong, he wasn't Chuuya.

N6 (TBA)

Before I Fall by hellosweetie17 | Art by Nanamin

Rating: Explicit

Chuuya’s oblivious to the circumstances surrounding their fragile world; Dazai’s made sure of it.

Mighty Long Fall by quinnlocke | Art by Xoinks

Rating: Mature

When Dazai betrays the ADA for the Port Mafia, he’s greeted as the prodigal son. That doesn’t mean he’s trusted, however, and now that he’s betrayed the Port Mafia and ADA alike, he has far more enemies than friends. As Dazai works to survive the heart of the viper’s nest, it quickly becomes clear that Chuuya will save him - or be the reason he fails.

Chuuya, meanwhile, knows Dazai too well to trust that his cards are on the table. But as he finds himself at Dazai’s mercy, and caught between loyalties, he realizes there’s no other option but to master the god that lives beneath his skin and hope he survives long enough to protect the organization to whom he’s sworn his life.

But first they both must realize that a mighty long fall awaits.

moonshine voyage by setosdarkness | Art by Behax

Rating: Teen and Up Audiences

Dazai's plan to stop Fyodor involves sacrificing his life. He should have known that even the best-made plans are useless when there’s someone like Chuuya out there, who just won’t stop saving him.

A journey of growing and growing old together.

[or: chuuya saves dazai's life by linking their souls & lifespans together]

Lifeline by Abel | Art (1 & 2 & 3) by phryn

Rating: Explicit

Nakahara Chuuya is a normal kid. He has two parents who loves him very much even though he's not really their son. He's a good student even though he's not on top. He's popular and has a lot of friends. Everything in his life is fine-- perfectly fine.

Until he bumps into another kid his age, bandages wrapped all over him. Dazai Osamu-- he said his name was, with a tone of amusement and yet tinged with longing.

Little did he know, that fated meeting will change his life forever.

Can’t Be Tamed by stargazerlilith | Art by Abel

Rating: Explicit

The boss of the Port Mafia is merciless against those who oppose him.

Well he was, until he resigned himself to the fate of the notorious dating app known as Tinder.

We hope you enjoy the masterpieces made by our talented participants! See you again next year!

[suicidefrantic]

Continue from X with @frozcnlight

A frown was upon his lips, he was bored. What more, he felt weird. They weren't even in Yokohama, a mission that required some time away from the city. His company was of course one ginger chibi, and he was lounged back against a tree, arms behind his head. "Can't we go back yet" he whined loudly. He didn't get the new weird feeling he felt, but flashes of the blond kept flashing in his head whenever he would close his eyes. "I don't see why both of us are even needed."

He was wanting to go back already and not have to deal with the ginger any longer than he had to. "Sides , I would have had this figured out a long time ago without ya chibi ass slowing me down." He didn't even care that the ginger was going on his typical anger fit. Brown eyes just stayed unphased by the other. He wondered how Miran was doing. Dammit , why was he thinking about her? Why did this feeling like he was being stab in his heart exist?

He got up from his spot "I'm leaving, chibi bastard" he walked away despite the shouting. He would hear about it from Mori, but he wasn't feeling the best. "Just don't do anything I wouldn't do. No charging in without thinking, Chuuya. If ya truly need me, I guess ya can text or call me. Bye now~" He spoke as he walked away and headed on making his way to Yokohama. He wasn't allowed to drive, he had been dropped off here--- and like hell would he go to riding on the back of Chuuya's motorcycle. He had never been on one of those things, and never really wished to.

He rolled his eyes as he pointed a gun towards a man who had given him a ride. "Ya can look, but don't ya think about ever fucking touching me. I will blow ya brains out, if ya dare fucking touch me." So maybe he was on edge, but he didn't feel like being touched on his thigh by some man. It wasn't so much that Dazai didn't swing that way, he didn't really believe in love too much regardless-- but the male's hand on his thigh sent shivers up and down his spine. "I'll walk from here, I frankly don't wish ya to know where I'm going." His brown eyes were dangerous.

He hoped out of the trunk, after putting his gun back upon his person. He waited for the trunk to drive away before going towards the hotel. He didn't know why he wished to see her so much. He hated that he missed her... yeah that was what this was. He hated it. He made his way towards her suite, not caring that it was such an ungodly time. He entered her suite with his own key card and what did he find ... her on his couch.

When he had entered after what she had spoken, he did get to see her laying on his couch. He clicked his tongue , the feeling of being stabbed had gone away. He hated it. "I'm gone for a certain amount of time, and I come back to this. I would think ya missed me, little dove." He lifted her up and sat down on the couch. "I left an angry chibi behind, I wasn't enjoying this feeling" he leaned back on the couch . Mori had them doing various case after case. Be it together or separately. He had made some good profit for the mafia though on his own. Though now he was home.

Wait.... what the fuck was he thinking?! Home, did he just think of this place as home. No. This place was just convenient, that was all. He enjoyed tormenting Miran too... he let out a little yawn. Slight bags had collected under his eyes, showing he wasn't sleeping that well. He slightly leaned forward , or rather down and almost went straight into her breasts. He would have, if he hadn't caught himself.

[misstinfoilhat]

The Boy in the Belfry Pt. 11, a Bungo Stray Dogs fic.

I might not be able to update this weekend, but you can read the whole story here. I’ve rewritten some parts for tumblr, nothing major. --- The door to the cool, tiled room opened and a familiar face appeared in the opening. A small streak of light shone on the battered face of the young teenager who sat, cradling himself on the floor.

Dazai's worried face snapped up as Mori entered the room. A twitchy but relieved smile became visible on the teens face in recognition, and Mori smiled back. Something seemed off though. Something in Mori's eyes.

Regret? Maybe even sorrow?

Dazai's faint smile morphed into a scream, as another dog was released into the room. ---

Mori stood expressionless and watched their prisoner. He had been fading in and out of consciousness since they arrived. The lack of smart remarks and smirks from his former apprentice was unnerving, to say the least. It was as if he was looking at the broken ten-year-old who he had saved from the very same man he now had returned him to, so many years ago.

Abducting him from the hospital had been easier than expected. As soon as The Babysitters Club had dispatched, he seemingly had free range. It turned out that there weren't many safety precautions there at all. Mori had walked in, wearing his old white coat and been assumed to be a doctor at the hospital. The elderly receptionist had not hesitated when giving up the room number, and he had walked in, injected the sleeping ADA agent with a mild tranquilizer, unhooked him from any tubes and wires and walked out of there with him in a wheelchair.

It was so easy that it almost felt anticlimactic. It only made him happy that the Port Mafia had their own medical wing, with a large staff and all the facilities necessary to treat any kind of sickness or injury.

The Armed Detective Agency clearly needed to step up their game.

The preacher himself was a big disappointment too. The large and intimidating figure was reduced to nothing more than a hunchbacked old man, who was clearly a little out of touch with reality and completely insane.

At the moment he was downstairs at the altar, switching between preaching and speaking in tongues to an imaginary congregation.

Mori chuckled. He had never in his life believed in any God.

Calmly, he walked towards Dazai, silently assessing his injuries and how much time he had left, if left in this hopeless state.

He reminisced about the first time he had seen Dazai. He passed the old church at random on his way to a mission, while a Sunday service had just finished. The preacher had stood grand and stoic, shaking every single hand as the crowd of people passed on their way out. Behind him stood a boy with half of his face covered in bandages, leaning heavily on crutches.

His black suit made him transparent with the dark walls of the church as he stood, terrified of meeting anyone's gaze. Almost invisible, to anyone but Mori.

To Mori, he shone bright like a firefly in the night. A forsaken soul, a fractured mind and an unforgivable sinner. He was perfect.

Mori asked around about the strange pair. It appeared that this preacher was well known in the more extremist Christian societies of the city at the time. The ones who longed and grasped at something or anything to save them and prove their faith. They would believe anything they were told (or in this case, shown, which further fueled the preacher's narcissism).

This was also the reason no one knew his actual name. In his everyday life, he had taken the name Gen'emon Tsushima (1), and he called Dazai, Shuji (2). But, he wanted to be known simply as the preacher. The Preacher. The one and only. He could show them God, but in his own mind, he probably was the man himself. There was no one registered by the names Gen’emon and Shuji Tsushima in Yokohama- not much research needed to find that out. The Preacher would only call Dazai by his real name whenever he was 'performing', an act that was exclusive and very expensive.

From that point forward, the arrangements had been easy, and Mori had manipulated the situation to seem like any other of the preacher's… gigs. 

The fact that the boy's mind had turned on his father was simply a very lucky coincidence.

Mori sighed and looked at the loosening bandages on Dazai's forearms. Every single day of Dazai's life was sketched onto his body in scars.

The leader of the Port Mafia scoffed as an ominous smile came to show on his lips.

---

“What has Skindiana Bones done this time?” sneered an aggravated Chuuya as he answered the phone.

“I might borrow that sometime,” Kunikida mumbled as he waited for the rest of the agency to get seated into the cars.

“Shut your face or tell me what's going on.”

“I wish I could, but I don't really know. Dazai disappeared from the hospital again sometime during the night.”

“I'm shocked,” he said nonchalantly, “but, I haven't heard anything from the bonehead.”

“We're going to The Shinja church right now, we've looked everywhere else.”

Kunikida waited for a reply. When it didn't come any, he continued.

“I thought you might like to know, in case you want to tag along.”

Another silent moment, before an exasperated sigh, was heard from the other end.

“Fine!” and a short 'fuck' was heard as the connection cut.

---

Chuuya wasted no time as he ran to his motorcycle. It was faster and made it easier to pass all the slowpokes on the road. He wondered if he should have told them that Dazai's father was back, but he had no idea how much they already knew. There was no time to explain.

Before starting his bike he suddenly remembered something. Another curse was whispered, as he ran back in to the house and retrieved a bag that he tucked safely in the compartment under the seat before he got on the bike and raced through the morning streets, feeling the fresh puddles of rainwater splash onto his calfs as he headed for that place that made his blood freeze. He just prayed (nonono, no way) hoped it hadn't gotten out of hand.

---

In a different part of town, two more vehicles were speeding towards the Shinja Church. There was no way to know what they would see when they arrived. Atsushi sat in the back of Kunikida's car with Kyouka, as he usually did. Restless legs shook while worried eyes looked out the windows and no one spoke.

Ranpo sat in the passenger seat up front, while Kunikda was driving. Yosano drove the other car, with Kenji and Tanizaki.

They had to park their cars across the street at a parking lot. While they all ushered out of the vehicles, a red and black motorcycle spun past them, and the redheaded driver threw his helmet to the curb and ran to the fence that embraced the dilapidated building.

“Chuuya!” Kunikida yelled as the ran across the road.

The gate was once again chained up, and the short man furiously shook the gate before he started climbing. Kunikida quickly pulled out his notebook and drew some boltcutters that he used to clip the lock.

The gate creaked open with the startled mafia executive on top of it, clinging to it desperately while it slid to the side.

“Patience, my friend,” Kenji smiled as they entered the property.

Chuuya gnarled something inaudible as he jumped off. Kunikida looked ready to open the door, but Chuuya fled up the few steps and stopped him.

“Wait,” he gasped. Kunikida looked confused at him, as Chuuya let go of his tight grip of the tall man's arm.

“The doors were bolted shut the last time we were here,” he said quietly. “There has definitely been someone in here since then. If it's...” how much should he actually tell them?

“Dazai's father?” Ranpo blurted out. Chuuya threw him a skeptical look.

“Do you already know?” he asked.

“No, we don't. It was an educated guess,” Ranpo explained, looking a bit ashamed.

“Well, you're probably right. And if this is in fact what is going on, Dazai might be in very real danger,” Chuuya explained. “Mori might be in there too. The leader of the Port Mafia.”

“Why haven't you told us this befo-” Kunikida's nostrils dilated and his cheeks flushed, but he got interrupted by a dangerous stare from the small man.

“Not the time, sunshine!” Chuuya sneered. “We need to get a move on.”

Chuuya had second thoughts, 'Shit, shit, shit, he's gonna hate me, he's gonna destroy me, completely obliviate me, he's gonna kill me...'

But, he was already here. And Dazai was in there.

He positioned himself to open the doors, and looked at the others, receiving a nod in return. They were ready.

The doors groaned loudly as they opened, and a deranged voice roamed through the voluminous room.

“Shower me in your light! I am nothing but a pawn. Please, listen to a sinners chagrin!”

The lights flickered, and the purple fog returned for the first time in twelve years.

Mori stood by the wall in the sanctuary, looking over to their newest arrivals with a satisfied grin.

Further down at the crossing, Dazai sat slumped on the stairs. He had been discarded of his hospital clothes and lay nearly bare except for the boxer shorts and bandages, half-conscious.

A couple of feet from him, stood The Preacher with his hands reached out and eyes closed as the dark haze engulfed his son's body once again.

Dazai's weak body trembled, from fear or from pain. Maybe both. The convolutions he was far too familiar with had started, turned more violent and soon he lay limp on his side.

The earth stood still. No sound, no light, no movement, no nothing.

Until suddenly Dazai arched his broken back with a loud gasp, as the blackened fog exited from his mouth and transformed to an apparition in front of him.

The newly entered crowd stood paralyzed, watching the unbelievable sight. 

Not only was this an ability that none of them had ever seen or heard of, but it worked on Dazai. The shock was even bigger as the apparition turned more and more recognizable.

Even Mori was stunned.

It was Dazai.

[athina39]

Dead Apple Movie Report/Summary

as promised, here’s my reaction thread/summary/speculations/theories about the Dead Apple Movie!!! sorry it’s a day late orz

everything under the cut because IT’S LONG. the CR subs comparison is c/o Fayto-san!!!! i watched the movie in SE Asia, so it’s a different company who handled the subtitles/distribution (it’s ODEX).

here goes! (also a warning/enticement: i’m shamelessly biased towards chuuya and soukoku)

Extra Notes:

- we probably got ourselves perma-banned so many places yesterday (the restaurant where we had lunch, the coffeeshop we went to pre-movie, the foodcourt where we had our post-movie drink, the entire mall itself....) because we were..... quite wild haha

- we took up a whole row in the cinema and there was another group that had their own row behind us! they're chuuya fans too, which is always awesome. the girl behind me is educating her new-to-the-fandom friend to ship soukoku "even if dazai is an asshole", which is Big Mood.

- certain someones (lol) cough "walking dead show" whenever soda is onscreen;;;;; if only They Knew that was the actual theme of the show (more on that below)

- our group was the loudest in the squealing/shrieking ahahaha. and aside from the obvious chuuya and soukoku scenes, we were the loudest at: (1) ALL THE GIRLS (each time yosano/agatha/tsujimura/kyouka's mom appeared, there's guaranteed squealing; Kyouka is Best Girl); (2) akutagawa's Dynamic Entry & akutagawa's curl-up lol; (3) that scene in the OP with the pm dazai & ada dazai; (4) the backstab scene; (5) dazai's handcuff escape & pill swallow. we were also fairly loud at some of atsushi's scenes, but it was more out of laughter??? like.... tiger son, you're kinda unintentionally funny/narmy this movie;;;;

- the people behind us each time there's an atsukyou scene: "BUT. SHE'S. 14." / "she's cuuuute" / "but. she's. 14."

- drinking game: drink for (1) each time atsushi yells kyouka's name - you won't make it out alive within the first 30 mins. slightly easier version: drink for (2) each time there's an orphanage flashback. fast-paced version: drink for (3) each time the "CLAWSSSS" was repeated

Movie Itself:

- chuuya's dynamic entry is so cool, pink motorbike included. like 30% of movie budget probably went to the animation of that scene. it's also asdfghk;da that chuuya tooling/destroying buildings is like, part of his theme in this movie. also, it makes me excited to see a pm days!soukoku driving a car to a mission - they both drive like hell lol

- dazai's "hi, chuuya~" haunts me until now, like. stop sounding so sassy and flirty, gdI but then again, dazai's teasing voice when he talks to chuuya the entire time is sassy and flirty so. asdfhgla

- dazai's “It would have been interesting if Chuuya got struck with lightning instead.” made us shriek because pre-movie, we were discussing that the French term for lightning strike, "le coup de foudre" is associated with love at first sight

- dazai complaining that because chuuya arrived 5 mins late, dazai had to get hit 3 times & chuuya just rolling with that = old married couple vibe much;;;;

- on a more serious note - it's very interesting to see this side of chuuya - in his previous appearances, he was the type to immediately blow his fuse whenever dazai says something to infuriate him, but this time, while he still bickers with dazai, there's a serious edge to it? chuuya's about to deal with the cause of death of his sheep fa(r)m, after all.

- (also - wtf was that dude holding a gun to dazai's head doing??? he just allowed dazai, his hostage, to fucking talk in the communicator the entire time???? bro, you ok??? are you sure you're a villain??? it would be funny tho if the 3 smacks that dazai was talking was 1 smack per sentence that he said on the communicator - because he did say 3 hahaha)

- chuuya activating For The Tainted Sorrow wordlessly (come to think of it, he has never said anything to activate For The Tainted Sorrow? like, everyone else says their ability name....) and on a whole building range = fucking lit. i wonder how's the range/control for his ability... because he managed to knock every single one of the mooks (incl the Lightning User) on that building rooftop in like, 3 seconds. and he managed to do it *without* crushing his bike, which is also on the roof, so he's able to do fine-tune who can be affected.

- chuuya so very tsun-tsun and dishonest when he wants to "help"!!! like aside from destroying buildings, being married w/dazai and being beautiful - one of chuuya's themes in the movie is that.... he does things that others tell him to, in two ways. one is if it's an order/job - which he'll only take from his superior/boss. another is if it's a debt he has to repay.

- soukoku then meets shibusawa; dazai says that all the gems that shibu's throwing away are wasted and it would have made for a good gift to women. chuuya asks for shibu to return the sheep fa(r)m, but shibu says that the sheep won't return because they committed the (apple) suicide. (so the sheep are Ability users? at least these six?)

- in the crunchyroll ver, shibu calls chuuya (&dazai?) "boring guests", while in odex ver, he calls them "bored guests"

- upon hearing confirmation that sheep fa(r)m is deader than dead, chuuya activates corruption wordlessly and tells dazai to not stop him. dazai actually acquiesces to that order w/o mouthing off, so it's good to see that he actually acknowledges how important it is for chuuya to avenge the sheep fa(r)m, despite the events in 15...

- building with soukoku&shibu explodes....... and camera pans to dramatically billowing in the wind coat of fyodor as he watches the proceedings, and calls it great entertainment. (so fyodor has already seen corruption at work? hmmmmm)

- re: the ADA briefing re: shibusawa....... like. ranpo-san. if you already knew how everything will happen/end......can you like.......inform the rest of ADA too......

- the fog events where a fog appears then disappears after a *few minutes* leaving behind a corpse of an Ability user started 3 years ago. the info that they have on shibu is that he's 29, he's an ability user, he goes by "collector", and he's the person responsible for the fog events

- also laughing at how... the meeting kunikida & tanizaki went to, to meet with the Special Ops agent... so shady hahaha. though apparently, this is the first time that the "calling card" of a stabbed, juicy apple is left behind.

- tanizaki: "why an apple?" / kunikida: "how should i know?" asd;sfha;ds why is that your main concern tanizaki, there's a dead person there in front of you hahahaha

- (flashback to bar lupin - dazai asking soda if he knows about apple suicides & soda replying that it's cinderella..... and dazai saying that soda is really interesting because of that.....dazai, your definition of interesting.... is if people don't know cultural/literary references? and soda's an aspiring author at this point??? do you sure??? and dazai giving such motives to snow white ahahaha, the definition of overthinking....;;;)

- dazai gets ambushed by ango in front of bar lupin after dazai took the pill (that would supposedly eventually act as an antidote) (like.....how the fuck did dazai end up hiding that pill in his mouth for that long and he kept on talking a lot and it didn't slip or melt wHAT) & ango says that dazai's the one who brought shibu back to yokohama;;; dazai doesn't get captured by ango's team, bec that's when the fog appears

- (atsushi sleeps inside kyouka's closet???? like............why. i thought he had his own dorm room before??? and kyouka's apparently living (in the dorm???) that's quite far away from the agency itself, bec they had to walk a long way to reach the agency?? i was initially thinking it was like, just behind the office or just the next street over hahaha

- ADA budget apparently is spent on high-tech communicators (just use special satellite phones asdj;asd) and fancy gun storage. i'm a bit disappointed that there wasn't a flamethrower. also, the gun that kuni gave atsushi??? had so many fucking bullets.

- ango and his team is able to monitor the fog in yokohama so they're.... not in yokohama? do they have like an airship or something? the fog is apparently able to remove any non-ability users in the vicinity & separate the ability user from his gift. ango reveals that the HQ of the enemies is an abandoned tower called Mukurotoride in the middle of yokohama and i'm just.... did nobody ever think that an abandoned tower in the middle of a busy city isn't damn suspicious???? it's apparently been there for a long time ffs

- (atsushi has this one-track mind that because dazai saved him, then dazai must be good at all costs, which is. i'd love to say it's because he trusts dazai, but it's more like those fanatic belief, really. it would be great if the manga can explore this deeper - because atsushi's hypocrisy is a really interesting facet of his character. atsushi who doesn't even want to point his gun towards the enemy abilities in the beginning and who say that 'even if he's a villain, we don't know the type of person he is...' 'no matter how bad they are, there's no need to kill them', but when akutagawa says that bec dazai is an enemy now, he'll kill him, atsushi reflexively points a gun at aku...)

- ango's subordinates track chuuya (A5158) down and sends him a message to "pay his debt to professor glasses"

- bitch trio scene! shibusawa's theme of boredom bec he's apparently that much of a genius whose intellect can't be surpassed. dazai says that he's just like shibu before, bored beyond belief. when shibu asks dazai how he's surpassed it, dazai claims that he's going to show shibu and that shibu doesn't know what's dazai's true intentions. shibu shoots it down by saying that it's only dazai who thinks he's fushigi mystery. dazai says that shibu needs salvation.... by either an angel or a demon.

- and because call a demon and he'll appear, fyodor appears. who tells the two that they're the only ones who think they're being mysterious because they're pretty easy to read. (shibu then calls fyodor "Majin Fyodor-kun" ahhh). dazai claims that fyodor's the one most likely to betray shibu, which fyodor agrees with. shibu just says that there hasn't been anyone who surpassed his expectations, so he's looking forward to it.

- during the entire bitch trio scene, there's a focus on apples and a certain skull.

- aku telling kyouka that she now has the opportunity to kill him in an ability-less world asdfgh;lasd

- the PM apparently has made an emergency passage specially made to counteract ability user-attacks and can't be penetrated by the fog?? i wonder how they made it?? a nullifying ability from dazai??? hmm

- aku says that the fog is a "dragon's breath" & aku schooling atsushi on information gathering is asdfjg;asd (i wonder who gave the info to aku though....? probs mori haha)

- at this point, i'm gonna jump the explanations and go with - during this entire movie, shibusawa is already dead. he's a walking dead. except for That One Flashback, shibu is dead.

- shibu then welcomes the bitch trio to his collection room, Draconia. which is filled with crystallized abilities. the room has abilities that are bright red and dull red - apparently, all the ability users that is engulfed with the mist will have crystals in the room - once the ability user has been defeated by their ability, the ability will be crystallized and will become a bright red gem inside the collection room. the collected ability can then be taken and used by anyone who's holding the red gem.

- fyodor says that the collection is enough to make a devil jealous, while shibu says that fyodor sold him information about most of the ability users in his collection, which is how he was able to collect them. (remember in the Fyodor v A chapter - fyodor got himself captured so he can steal the notes/docs about Port Mafia members. *more on this below)

- Shibusawa: But how did you gather all that information? Fyodor: Every city is filled with rats. Dazai: Meow.

- that meow also haunts me hahahaha

- shibu then basically says that he's actually just looking for That One Special Ability to make the collection worthy

- akuatsukyou arrive at the end of the passage? but it's foggy, so either the fog is stronger, they're outside of the passage, or aku's lying about the passage being impenetrable by the fog asd;fasd

- Shibusawa: To me, people are nothing but machines of flesh, behaving in identifiable ways. But there is just one person I fail to comprehend. Myself. Dazai: Don't you have any friends? Shibusawa: I don't need friends. I understand everyone's mind, after all. I will surely go to the world beyond, between my lines, past the blank spaces. Dazai: You wouldn't be saying that if you actually had friends.

- this exchange is just so asdfgj'asds like pls you two

- akutagawa summarizes rashomon's ability as.... "to change a cloth to a blade and send it flying towards the enemy". i'm so proud of how aku's able to utilize that ability and create so many things (so demon armor is literally like a suit of blades??? damn son);;; (also, this brings to mind the saying "silk hiding steel" hahaha)

- aku defeating rashomon by slapping it towards the vat of lava..... damn son again;;;; aku going "just as planned", then rashomon apparently survives and aku changes it to "just as i expect from my own ability" ahahahaha.... and aku telling rashomon that he should quiet down and that he belongs in there (in his coat).... ahh bless him

- atsushi shattering the crystal on Byakko by shoving the blade inside its mouth.... is apparently Foreshadowing for something later

- chuuya complaining that he's being expected to go to ango's facility by one phone call.... but chuuya.... you still went..... ;;;;;

Chuuya: You've got some nerve, expecting me to answer your phone call like I'm on your beck and call. Ango: May we have some time alone? This is a government facility. You don't expect to get away doing something like this, do you? (referring to chuuya probs destroying a dozen doors in the process of him reaching ango's office) Chuuya: I'll be the one to decide if I do or not. Not you. Ango: You have a debt to me. Chuuya: No, you have a debt with me. Ango: What are you talking about? Chuuya: Don't act dumb. Do you think I'm stupid? It's about what happened six years ago. Ango: What do you mean? Chuuya: It was the government who sent Shibusawa into the Dragon Head Conflict. It was supposed to end the conflict that had engulfed all of Yokohama. But he never had any intention of maintaining peace. All you did was create more corpses. You sheltered him anyway, because he's a gifted that can help in protecting the nation. That's why, not only did you turn a blind eye to all the corpses he'd produced overseas, you covered it all up. Ango: All for the peace in this nation. Chuuya (grabbing Ango): Watch your mouth, professor glasses. If you hadn't sent him out, all six of my friends would be alive right now. Ango: Will you kill me? I wouldn't mind. I've been prepared ever since I'd decided to ask for your assistance. Chuuya (throwing Ango aside): It's a deal, then. I'll accept your job. And you'll pay with your life.

- back at the creepy beautiful castle:

- fyodor and dazai utter the "keikaku doori" line, which means shit is about to go down - apparently fyozai had made a team-up to sneak into the collection room w/o shibu knowing - dazai reveals that he worked to "guide" shibu in yokohama because shibu is someone that can't be touched because he has the protection of the government... which means that he'll just continue filling up his collection room with ability users and japanese gov't will just turn a blind eye to it, and therefore shibu must be stopped by other means - fyodor says that even w/o dazai meddling with shibu, shibu would create a fog in yokohama. - fyodor takes out 2 abilities. 1st ability can summon all ability users in the area and teleport them to a single place. 2nd can turn the abilities of the gifted who touch it into crystals. (was A a foreshadowing for this all along? A's ability is to change the lifespan of his subordinates to jewels....what is with fyodor and ability users re: gems hahah) - fyodor holds up the 2 gems so that dazai can touch it and nullify it

- (a side note: at this point, here are the characters who've been shown to still retain their abilities: Dazai, Chuuya, Fyodor*more on this later; Dazai because his nullification still works; Chuuya, because he still had that glowy red when he dealt with ango and cracked an entire office wall in the process)

- the logic is that, if dazai touches the 2 gem abilities... the crystals will be broken and the abilities will return to their "former state"*** (v important) and the ability to summon all ability users in one place (aka The Fog) will be cancelled and therefore fog will disappear

- fyodor offers the 2nd gem first... dazai touches it.... but instead of the abilities returning to their owners, the abilities escaped from the crystal shells inside the collection room and fused into one

- before dazai can work on dispelling the fog by touching the 1st gem, shibusawa stabs dazai in the back with a fruit knife. shibu says that he expected this, bec nothing surpasses his expectations. dazai just blandly says "i see... so this is where the betrayal happens", bec fyodor had supposedly locked the door to the collection room when they entered it, but woopsie, apparently not, because fyodor values entertainment

- dazai asks shibu what's his next step, but shibu says that his target is dazai anyway, so there's "no next"

- dazai says that he didn't expect a fruit knife to hurt this bad, so there must be poison in it

- shibu tells dazai that he can now taste the death he's longed for dearly

- in CR subs: dazai says: "How could you? This feels great" while in ODEX subs, dazai says: "What have you done? This doesn't feel great at all", which i think makes more sense

- fyodor says that "with the owner dead, the ability leaves him", and dazai "dies" and "no longer human" crystallizes

- (a side note: so it's confirmed that if ability user dies, ability leaves him.... but what happens to it next? is it transferred to a next person? how about its effects? the people that yosano healed... will their effects be gone and therefore the people will regain their wounds??)

- shibu holds NLH in his palms. shibu's very excited to see NLH crystallized because it very blue (as opposed to the red-gem abilities), the blue changes to red, gemblocking him.

- (presumably, NLH activates?? but.... fyodor held the two gems before and they didn't really activate.... but maybe they didn't because they were already active??)

- Fyodor: The merging ability (the 1st gem, aka: The Fog, aka Shibusawa's Ability) and the disabling ability (NLH). With the two contrary abilities becoming one, a singularity is born. Even with Dazai's special ability, what you really desire-- your lost memories-- will never come back.

- fyodor then says that he'll help shibu recover his memories, and slits his throat

- (joint orphanage flashback time!! c/o atsu and shibu as shibu regains his memories! shibu experiments on young atsushi by electrocuting him. shibu says that the president was mistaken about atsushi's ability, implying that atsushi's real ability isn't Beast Underneath the Moonlight. it's apparently a Very Special Ability, but atsushi's not able to use it properly because of his youth/inexperience. shibu says that even he isn't able to pull the ability out and collect it with his fog.

- in CR subs, shibu says that: "It's the only special ability that won the envy of all other gifted." // in ODEX subs, shibu says that: "It's a special ability that can grant the wishes of other ability users"

(a side note - if his real ability is an ability that can grant his wish, it's possible that atsushi probably read a picture book somewhere or got influenced into thinking that Tigers are Bad. his ability goes haywire, bec it was too strong and he was too young to control it, so atsushi's ability has formed into a tiger because atsushi needed something to blame. something beastly. something monstrous. he can't accept that he himself is the one who's hurting others, so he has formed his ability to turn to a tiger. the regeneration, the shounen power ups... they're not very "tiger-like" or it'd make for a very OP tiger, so his ability could be to make his wishes to reality, like "i want to heal!", "i want to be strong!" and the tiger is just the form that atsushi can deal with/can understand. you can even say..... that byakko is his fursona;;;; *gets kicked*)

(more side note: irl!atsushi wrote a story Tiger Poet, which features a man changing to a tiger....that is a poet... so he might have read that story and got an idea re: the tiger. there's a quote there, "We are all the trainers of wild beasts and the beasts in question are our own inner-selves.", which could be atsushi getting the idea of personifying his ability as a tiger so he can "tame it", aka control his ability)

- anyway, young atsushi didn't enjoy the electrocutions, the tiger takes over and claws shibusawa's face off, killing him

- shibu then says that the reason why he targeted atsushi to begin with is because he heard from a Russian named Fyodor that atsushi's ability is special (see the same contrast betw the CR and ODEX subs noted above)

- present time, fyodor then confirms that shibu died at that point. But. upon death, shibusawa apparently inherited a new ability - the ability to split himself (his soul? spirit?) away from his corpse. his body (aka, the skull that's been there the entire time) is the one who remembers death while his mind doesn't remember it and has retreated into a room (the Collection Room) to deal with his Feelings. (so it means that the shibu soukoku faced off in the beginning is walking dead shibu as well, because apparently shibu has gone for the gem collection quest after his death)

- a side note: so Shibusawa's Real/Original Ability is The Fog (1st ability can summon all ability users in the area and teleport them to a single place....and presumably "pull" the ability away from them). after dying, he got the ability to separate his mind from his corpse (redefining mind over matter), presumably given to him by fyodor?. he then gets the ability to turn abilities into crystals, presumably given to him by fyodor too?, then because he's basically a ghost wandering around earth, he tries to find a reason for "existing" to fulfill the void, which leads him to gathering abilities (*more on this later)

- the abilities continue fusing to each other, creating a huge mass. dazai's "dead" body is sucked into that mass.

- fyodor comments that dazia is quite greedy, because even in death, he intends to watch the city fall into destruction. fyodor then says that as congratulation for their anniversary of being friends (LOL; also - they've known each other for a year already? or is fyodor gigglesnorting here and considering that very same day as the start of their friendship?), he'll tell the dead dazai the reason why he managed to keep his ability in the fog.

- a "2nd" fyodor appears, the personification of his ability. he looks exactly like him. they say the "I am crime. I am punishment. Did you know? Crime and punishment are close friends." line ahahaha

- fyodor merges with his ability

- the mass of abilities that sucked dazai in changes for to a dragon

- fyodor reveals that the dragon is the form of the chaos of special abilities. (remember that "original state of abilities" that fyodor said above? apparently, it's a dragon)

- the singularity anomaly readings are over 9000, more than the events 6 years ago (aka, the opening scene). ango checks on chuuya's location to see if he's on his way

Ango: Chuuya-kun... Dazai-kun is almost certainly eliminated by now.Do you understand what that means? (implying that if chuuya ends up using corruption, there's no dazai who'll nullify it, therefore he'll also die) Chuuya: I don't care. Ango: Are you sure? You haven't taken your reward... My life. Chuuya: Don't get cocky, asshole. You were a just lowly infiltrator six years ago. It's not like anyone would have listened to you if you had opposed their plan to use Shibusawa.  (Chuuya lowkey implying that he actually doesn't blame Ango all that much, despite all his talk earlier) Chuuya: This is nothing but that idiot's plans. That Dazai is still inside there. No doubt about it. I need to give him a smack, or I'll never get over it. I'm hanging up.

(can i just say.... chuuya.... even though he has no proof of it whatsoever, he believes that dazai's still alive and waiting for him. ango, who can see the readings of the ability users, knows that dazai's dead. but chuuya----he doesn't need that kind of logic. unconditional trust is here, folks. also, the theories about chuuya actually being able to read dazai's plans/motives??? hell yes)

- chuuya's in a plane approaching the castle (so confirmed that ango's office really is floating over yokohama??? or at least not near it?)

Tsujimura: We're approaching the target. Chuuya: You're that chick from way back. Tsujimura: I'm Tsujimura. Are you really going? Chuuya: Yeah. Tsujimura: It's no use. No human can defeat it. That thing is a monster beyond human comprehension. Get overconfident and fight it, and you'll die. (lowkey spoilers about chuuya being beyond human, thanks bones) Chuuya: That's not a reason to chicken out and go home. Do you know when it's all right to chicken out and go home? Tsujimura: I do not. Chuuya (jumping off the plane): There is no such time.

(chuuya's badass way of removing his gloves and jumping off and his hat and coat flying off???? the whole cinema SCREAMED)

- chuuya chants the "grantors of dark disgrace" line and corruption activates

- chuuya lands on a building, breaks it down to chunks and launches them at the dragon (with dazai inside hahaha)

- extended battle scene with chuuya just battling a dragon, which is the force of a fuckton of ability users' abilities combined, and nailing it. like. just. think about it. the dragon is formed by the force of all the abilities. and there's like, more than 128 of them (as per the initial briefing with ADA). chuuya actually defeated the force of that many ability users. fuck.

- chuuya jumps down to a huge-ass building, floats it and uses it to beat up a dragon. a building is being used as a baseball bat to hit a dragon. the sheer scale and ridiculousness of how powerful he is??? amazing.

- chuuya ends up ramming the building to the dragon's mouth. that's how the fight ends. he makes the dragon choke on AN ENTIRE BUILDING.

- chuuya then yells "DAZAIIIIIIIIIIII" as the dragon explodes (while he's still in corruption mode)

- chuuya reaches dazai, who's inside the dragon, and chuuya (still in corruption mode) punches dazai in the face

- the punch is apparently the key needed for dazai to bite down on the pill, releasing the antidote to the poison (if only romeo and juliet knew about this method...)

- dazai lives. chuuya coughs out blood from using corruption for too long.

- they float in the air and dazai. just. softly touches chuuya's cheek, disabling corruption.

Dazai: You believed in me and used Corruption? I'm so touched I could cry. Chuuya: Yeah, I did. I believed in your disgusting craftiness and refusal to die.* Dazai: That was a somewhat violent way of waking Snow White. Chuuya: You're the one who planned it by hiding an antidote in your mouth, knowing I'd punch you.

...JUST.

dazai's voice.

chuuya. admitting that he believes in dazai. in ODEX subs, it was "i believed in the fact that you wouldn't die", which is extra doki in that ----- even though they've said "i'll kill you" to each other so many times (even in the beginning of the movie) and even though chuuya knows about dazai's double suicide longings.... he still believes that dazai wouldn't die.

and just. dazai implying that he's snow white. and chuuya just rolling with it????? dazai implying that chuuya's the prince who woke up snow white. and chuuya just rolling with it????????

this is high-level flirting i CANNOT

and chuuya KNOWING that him being here is part of dazai's plans and him being here anyways knowing that (even though he had mentioned about dazai's plans always toying with him---)--------------- i CANNOT

Chuuya: Let go, asshole. Dazai: (*dazai presses down on chuuya's head to prevent him from moving*) Don't move. The fog hasn't cleared. I don't want to have to protect you from your special ability in this situation. Chuuya: It's still not over? Dazai: No, it's just beginning. Chuuya: Shit. I can't even move a single finger. (Chuuya collapses into Dazai's thigh, his face/chin landing on Dazai's upper right thigh/hip) Dazai: I predicted things this far. But the rest is on them.

and of course. the lap scene. the scene that killed everyone in the cinema. just. there's no words that can bring it justice. the fuwafuwa atmosphere. the shoujo music background during the floating then the lap scene. the sound of dazai's hand patting chuuya's head. the body placements. the camera angles. that pic in the magazine???? oh boy the actual scene, the extended scene is 10000000000x gayer.

just think.

dazai. who shoved atsushi off when he fell on him.

dazai. who had chuuya fall on his crotch and legs and just. let him stay there. like yes, the point is that dazai has to keep on touching chuuya so he can nullify chuuya's ability and therefore not have his powerful ability have a separate form that can fight them. but they didn't have to stay in that position, did they? i mean, chuuya can't move but dazai could have shoved him off, right? he could have touched him using anything else but keeping him between his legs and patting his head/hair right.

.............BUT WAIT.

dazai.

before he "died".

he.

already nullified the ability to form abilities to crystals. the only ability left is shibusawa's fog, which can trap ability users in one place and extract the ability from them (and just that. the abilities shouldn't be trying to hunt down their "owners" anymore, because no more moon crystal power. right???)

so.

dazai........didn't really have to keep touching chuuya then?

.......is that so. huh.

.....i see.

sasuga dazai.

(i mean even that conjecture is incorrect - as in the Fog can also make abilities fight their owners, aside from just extracting them..... did dazai really have to touch chuuya like that????? .....he really did, huh. i see. sasuga dazai)

.........also. the ability, even if given form, only attacks the owner. (except for that lol-worthy case of rashomon and the tiger having different ideas and attacking each other). so if dazai, as he says, really hates chuuya and wants him to die...... he can..... just let the ability kill chuuya, right??? he doesn't *have* to protect chuuya from it, right? his keikaku that will allow him to use the antidote pill is done, right....? ....ah, but he has to protect chuuya... i see.... sasuga dazai) (unless dazai thinks that chuuya's ability would also hunt him down, in which case.......... dazai, you think yourself that important to chuuya that his ability will hunt you too, huh...... i see.... sasuga dazai)

....also.

dazai.

saying that this is within his predictions, while he's holding the collapsed chuuya to his thigh. still with his hands on chuuya's head. dazai....... why are you predicting that chuuya will end up in your lap. more importantly, why does your predictions END once you have chuuya in your lap. you're leaving the akuatsukyou children to fend for themselves and didn't predict the next parts because you got chuuya in your lap already. .....i see. sasuga dazai;;;;

(a sidenote. from above. fyodor sold the port mafia's information re: ability users to shibusawa. the ability users that shibu knows about will be in the collection room, their abilities getting taken from them. chuuya has his ability The Entire Movie. he didn't lose for the tainted sorrow, at all. so.

- chuuya's ability too strong and can't be extracted, just like atsushi - OR chuuya's ability not in port mafia records - OR chuuya's info is there, but incorrect/incomplete - OR chuuya's info is there, fyodor kept chuuya's ability's information and didn't sell it (a good theory for fyoya fans???) - OR collection room can only get abilities from humans?

(signs point to the first one....... but the other options are also hmmmmm)

- fyodor planting a broken crystal of shibusawa's original ability crystal on the skull's head (it looks like a goddamn horn) so that shibu becomes the "point of singularity" in lieu of the dragon bec dragon is dead. fog continues.

- shibusawa realizing that all his plot?? at collecting abilities? is just his way of trying to cope with the fact that his real thirst lies with atsushi. no really. he just really, really, really wants to see atsushi again.

- another sidenote: AGATHA IS A QUEEN. also, we're laughing about how Agatha is in command of EU. (no brexit in BSD world, apparently) (but also crying a bit because..... Verlaine and Rimbaud and the Trancendentals could be part of the clock tower order??? because there's 12 Transcendetals, there's 12 #s in a clock and they're from france, therefore europe, therefore part of EU therefore----)

- THAT FUKUMORI BACK TO BACK SCENE. MOTHER OF FUCK. mori having faith in dazai's keikaku..... but he's wrong.... because dazai's keikaku had already ended a few minutes ago, with chuuya in his lap. (but really. so mori can't 100% predict dazai, apparently. because mori thinks that it's still within dazai's plan, but dazai says it's not anymore, so.) also. mori being able to kill the ability-elise but not doing so because of the power of cute??? wow, just wow.

Mori: Fukuzawa-dono. Fukuzawa: What a coincidence, Mori-sensei. Mori: Are you having a problem? Fukuzawa: I've just had a glimpse of a solution. Mori: Excellent. Is it not at times like these that your daily actions speak? (They attack each other's abilities) Fukuzawa: I thought you only used your scalpel. I'll be careful from now on. Mori: No mercy, even for an endearing girl. The lone swordsman, Silver Wolf. You are indeed full of sin.* (CR: you are indeed guilty; ODEX: you are indeed, full of sin) Fukuzawa: That was nothing but a demon. Elise: Hey, Rintarou! What the heck are you doing, leaving me behind?! Mori: It's the real Elise-chan~ Fukuzawa: I think she's a demon either way.

- the akukyouatsu v shibu fight continues, with shibusawa basically saying, "ATSUSHI THE LIGHT OF MY LIFE" in repeat. the reference re: tiger v dragon is brought up. shibu says that he's not bored anymore bec atsushi's there.

- the tiger and the dragon are enemies. (more on that here: http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/TigerVersusDragon) apparently, because the dragon represents all the abilities fused together, the tiger is the opposite (......so..... tiger = no abilities? hmmmmm. no wonder fyodor wants him. it's the fulfillment of his goal of a world without abilities, then?). shibu says that atsushi's ability is the opposite of all the abilities, the most special ability of all. atsushi's ability crystallizes, but before shibu can take it, atsushi grabs and says "that's not an ability, that's me!"

- (side note:

- i wasn't expecting that atsushi (whether it's the beast underneath the moonlight or the possibility that his is an ability that takes the form of his desires/wishes) would be the opposite of all the abilities. i would think it's more of dazai's or someone who can erase an ability, but. MC powers? - then again. all of shibusawa's info came from fyodor. so it's also highkey possible that this is all Fake News from fyodor)

Shibusawa: I understand everything, now. Why I'm here, why you appeared before me, and what his words mean... You... You must be the angel who saves me.

- shibu proving dazai right that "an angel" saved him, though technically a "demon" saved him "from death" before too....

- atsushi kills shibu for the second time by crushing his skull

- AGATHA. BEING DISAPPOINTED. THAT YOKOHAMA IS SAVED. because. "The scent of a burning nation goes well with tea." AGATHAAA

- at the end of fighting, chuuya's propped up against the wall of rubble (YOU KNOW THE ONE). his hat apparently landed a few feet away from him. (did dazai drag him there so he can be near his hat? did dazai look for the hat?? did the hat get magically pulled to where chuuya is??).

akutagawa appears.

chuuya asks what the hell is he doing here, then says that the idiot dazai is safe.

akutagawa..... bows to chuuya.

like damn.

akutagawa "DON'T YOU ORDER ME, YOU FOOL" ryuunosuke, bowing down to chuuya. a+++++++++

but then akutagawa starts to leave chuuya behind ahahahaha

and chuuya goes..... what, you're just gonna leave me here when you see i can't walk what. but seriously, his line is: "Oi. Lend me a shoulder."

(so.... dazai and chuuya were together till daybreak, in time for chuuya to wake up, for the spoonDI cover to be shot, for them to have matching bruises on their lips in that photo, huge smiles in their faces, for dazai to change clothes, for chuuya to be unable to walk.......... i don't to say they banged in the rubble, but they totally banged in the rubble.)

- dazai basically saying that, welp i did this keikaku and harmed so many things! - atsushi: but dazai is helping yokohama!!! - Dazai: Do I look like such a good person?

- atsushi.... i want to say it's your trust or that it's your naivete, but...... are you sure you have eyes lol

- dazai reveals that he hopes that shibu managed to fill his boredom and loneliness..... dazai, stop projecting your issues on others. stop helping others with your same issues achieve happiness.... do it to yourself first please.....

- as the ending song plays... we have this scene from ango:

Ango: Given the complexity of the three masterminds' motivations, we still don't have a full picture. Dazai-kun's the same as usual, and demon Fyodor's intentions are impossible to comprehend. But, beyond all the scheming and lying, the incident may fundamentally be very simple. How is a man like Shibusawa, so intelligent that others look like alien creatures to him, to act, to be destroyed, or to be saved? To be one of three aliens in the world, in isolation and loneliness... I can't even imagine it.

.....like, given the movie. it really is a good summary. all these genius aliens.... they actually have such simple thoughts.

- shibu did all of that, but he just really wanted to see atsushi again. - fyodor did all of that, but he just really wanted to be a bitch and have fun. (and maybe kill all ability users eventually) - dazai did all of that, but he just really wanted to try an apple suicide and be saved just like snow white.

.....one of it is not like the others, ahahaha;;;;;;

- chuuya looking beautiful in the ending scene, as he talks with mori

Chuuya: Were you aware of the trick, Boss? (*referring to dazai not really dying? and using that antidote pill?) Mori: Dazai-kun was acting on his own, and I expected he would need your help. As a forerunner. Chuuya: So I was an opening act? Mori: Dazai-kun decides the star. (in ODEX: Dazai-kun was the one who decided on the star.) Chuuya: And what do I get in return? Mori: The return of order in this city. Chuuya: The peace of this city, huh? Mori: Good work. Chuuya: You don't need to thank me. It was your order, so I'm just doing my job.

- asdfgj;asd - mori #1 soukoku shipper confirmed. like. even if he has that much faith in dazai's plans (see above), he also has a lot of belief that dazai's plans will work if chuuya's there to help.

and that "dazai decides the star"/"dazai decided (on you) being the star.... and chuuya....... just rolling with it. he's not ok with simply being an "opening act" ahhaahh. and mori knowing that dazai made the plan with chuuya having the starring role. and chuuya Knowing that too.

and here comes chuuya's concept of "reward" again.... does this boy get paid.......

chuuya's reward being yokohama's peace???? is he really part of the mafia??????????? a pure boy. someone give him the yokohama peace prize.

- second to the last scene is fyodor still creeping on them:

Fyodor: Everything is but entertainment. But in order to end this world, rife with crime and punishment, I really do need that book. The blank novel sleeping in this town.

(so Book's location is confirmed to be in Yokohama at this point)

- final scene with ADA doing business as usual and atsukyou going out for a mission? to buy crepes? to buy chazuke? idk

[bungou-stray-dogs-indulgences]

aku, atsu, chuuya, and dazai headcanons with an s/o who loves to dress in lolita fashion? i don't dress in lolita myself but the idea is pretty good! if you need a specific lolita type to work on, sweet or casual lolita will be fine. (regardless, i feel lolita s/o competing with aku for those frills.)

But will we ever really win when Aku’s frills can just fucking eat our frills???

Akutagawa Ryunosuke

When it comes to wardrobe, you and Akutagawa get off to a bit of a rocky start. He simply can’t understand putting so much effort into all those frills and bows simply to look cute. If he ever brings it up, though, it’s easy to shut him up; just point out that his daily wear isn’t exactly simple, either, and he can’t disagree. Akutagawa simply rolls his eyes, sighing, before he begrudgingly admits that even if he doesn’t understand the frivolity (even though his clothes verge on the same way), you do manage to pull of it off incredibly well.

If you ever move in together, it’s not long before Akutagawa demands a strictly enforced separate-closets rule. The catalyst for this decision? Once, when he got unexpectedly called in for a mission, he simply threw on the nearest white shirt without double checking whose it was. Naturally, he was halfway across the city before he noticed he was wearing one of your blouses (the pastel purple trim gave it away). Needless to say, he kept his coat wrapped more tightly than normal that day.

While light, pastel lolita isn’t exactly to his tastes, Akutagawa can’t deny he’s drawn to dark lolita. If you ever ask him for outfit advice he points you to the dark ribbons and tights, recommending mainly black and white (right after rolling his eyes snapping at you that ‘I’m not a damn stylist, why do you feel the need to ask my opinion on what you wear?’)

Nakajima Atsushi

While Atsushi can’t afford full outfits or dresses decked out with practical yards of lace and bows, he loves to pamper you with tiny cute gifts whenever he has a bit of extra money. Often, on his payday, he takes Kyouka shopping with him, determined to find a small accessory for you to add to your wardrobe. With her guidance, Atsushi picks out something they’re both sure you’ll fawn over; ribbons, hair bows, adorable key chains. 

Normally, he only picks out cheaper gifts (it’s all he can afford), but one day after you’d been in a horrible mood for awhile Atsushi splurged to buy you a custom decoden phone case, crafted to perfectly match your favorite outfit.

Where he picked up the skill you’ll probably never know, but Atsushi’s fantastic at tying bows. Whenever you need some ribbon around your neck, coiled at the back of your dress, or pulled through your hair, simply give him your best puppy eyes and promise to pay him back with a kiss. You’ll get a flawlessly fashioned bow; loops perfectly rounded, ends exactly the right length, and amazingly on-center. 

Atsushi endlessly melts over how cute you are anyway; it only gets worse when you’re all dolled up and adorable in your lolita outfits. He’s constantly staring softly, completely besotted, wondering what he ever did to deserve someone so perfectly lovely as you. Even if he can’t work up the courage to gush about how cute he thinks you are, you can bet that thought’s constantly replaying in his head.

Nakahara Chuuya

Headwear is undoubtedly Chuuya’s favorite part of your outfits. He spends thousands of dollars lining your closet with practically limitless options; ribbons, hairbows, fascinators and of course hats soon overflow your wardrobe. Whenever he wants to pamper you with some tiny offering, a new hair dressing is usually his go-to.

Chuuya flatly refuses to let you buy pre-made lolita. If you see an outfit you’ve simply got to have, just snap a quick picture; he’ll make sure the photograph lands in the hands of a talented tailor that can craft the clothing to your exact measurements. After all, what’s the point of buying sizing that’s slightly off when someone can make sure the fabric hugs your body in all the right places? Naturally, Chuuya pays for everything, too.

Chuuya knows from experience that keeping up appearances is no easy task, especially when your outfits take as much coordination as lolita. To take one thing off your plate, he offers to pay for salon visits whenever you want to prance around in lovely lolita outfits but just don’t feel like wasting time trying to tame your hair into matching the rest of your doll-ish looks. In his opinion, you’re far better at perfectly arranging your hair than any trained professional could ever be, but he understands not wanting to deal with the struggle of pouring so much time into looking as flawless as you do.

Dazai Osamu

Getting dressed in the morning in nigh unto impossible when Dazai’s around. Tying ribbons, fastening buttons, and making sure all of your frills are arranged perfectly takes time, after all; even more so when bandaged fingers keep picking at your clothes. Pulling ribbons loose,unfastening buttons, tugging your stockings down; nothing is sacred to Dazai when he’s in a teasing mood. If you don’t want to spend an extra half hour in the morning (or longer, if he can coax you into some more devious fun) desperately batting away Dazai’s wiggling fingers, you may have to lock the bedroom door when you get dressed in the morning.

Dazai favors outfits with truly ridiculous amounts of ribbon. The wrappings remind him of his bandages. “We match!” he gushes whenever your outfit boasts ribbons coiling around your skin, especially when the fabric’s white. “We make such a cute couple, all matchy-matchy.” He sighs, nearly swooning as he picks at the ribbons on your clothes.

Even if you’re anything but, your cutesy outfit choices will always ensures Dazai constantly refers to you as an adorable, innocent little angle. Rarely does he use your name when you two are out of the house; it’s always some horribly saccharine nickname that just sounds wrong coming from him. ‘Honeybun’, ‘sweet darling angel’, ‘cute adorable little innocent bunny rabbit’; the pet names get longer and longer depending on how annoying he wants to be, and for every time you snap at him he adds another adjective to your already sentence-long title.

[chom-raaa]

A long winding commentary on Home is Where the Heart Is Ch14 (by setosdarkness)

@athina39 whoops this got really out of hand…

This week a lot of my favorites fics have updated and I’m like hmmm HIWTHI will probably update any time now. I have zero self-control when I read this fic, so I spent my whole break, and most of my commute reading. And most of my evening to write this because I did not expect it  to be so big (^v  ^;)

“…I could hear the number of exclamation points on that. Is that not acceptable?” Tachihara is so adorable, and I love how he’s similar to Atsushi when it comes to Akutagawa, and how Chuuya learned “life skills” from Atsushi lolololololol!! But dammit Chuuya, so clueless, thinking that Tachihara is “such a nice guy” and a “great kouhai” even though he’s acting like Atsushi, even though he knows Atsushi is madly in love. But then I guess Chuuya doesn’t see why someone would love him Q.Q Also, I like the mention of how Chuuya could predict Tachihara’s response “even if he doesn’t have Flawless.” The way flawless and Oda just kind of slip into his thought process kajsdhfajks

I love how Chuuya’s apartment has become all colorful and vibrant with flowers and nice things jdaklhfdkjadshf and DAZAI IS JUST A PART OF IT!!!!

And when the waitress was smiling at Chuuya for dabbing his napkin at Tachihara’s face and he assumes it means she’s approving of that “normal action”, because he thinks it’s normal when Dazai does it. Because apparently he’s not anything special to Dazai so what Dazai does with him is normal, not anything particularly special CHUUYA PLEASE

Also I think everyone reading this fic has adopted Higuchi’s dying seal sound *nods*

Chuuya’s still concerned about his little outing with Dazai after his date awwwwwwww

Dazai knowing Chuuya’s schedule better than him, making all these arrangements for him (“blackout curtains and the hypoallergenic bedding” whooooa), practically managing his life for him what a waifu <3 I also love the thing where Chuuya throws forks and knives at Dazai who effortlessly deflects all the attacks with a spoon, how married they are *Higuchi squealing noises*</p>

YURI ON ICE. YURI ON ICE. That’s all I’m gonna say.

I love love love how Chuuya goes to pray for Dazai’s safety while Tachihara wondered if he was planning sea travel and how it mirrors one of the previous chapters and aaaaaaaaahhhhhhh

ANGST RANT #1

Chuuya feels left out of the loop because all these things are happening without him: everyone on some secret assignment and apparently it’s not important that he knows. “He—he’s useless when it comes to strategies and planning.” And he’s just trying to justify all of it, because he’s just not good enough to be included or something like that (but no Chuuya you’re such a good boss!!!!)

Moving on to Chuuya’s expectations. He can’t seem to expect anything good from Dazai and even when good things happen he just assumes it’s temporary and something else is coming later (poor baby).

“I try not to expect Dazai’s good behavior whenever possible” Because Dazai let him down too many times Q.Q

And how he just savors every moment they have together because who knows when it will all just come to abrupt halt?? Like that scene where Dazai booked a room with only one bed and he just enjoys the moment because “after all, once Dazai decides that he’d like to leave again, there will be no repeat performances of this comforting closeness anymore”.  And when they screw up the ice skating tournament and it was all such a mess but Chuuya saw it as “a chance to dance that closely, intimately, with Dazai, but that’s neither here nor there”. He perceives it as a “chance”, an opportunity, something good that he wants to hold on to. Despite being so involved in each others’ lives it’s like Chuuya is falling the whole time and bracing for impact, preparing himself for the worst, but then it’s only natural.

And once again with how Chuuya rationalizing Dazai’s behavior. “Dazai laughs - but it’s soft instead of grating. Though that’s probably because…” and there’s always a reason because it simply CANNOT be what he wants it to be. All the excuses are better than making assumptions, because look where that got him in the past.

Poor Chuuya just avoiding the route with the greatest potential of pain QAQ It’s so sad that someone who usually takes things head-on would distort his thoughts ignore some really obvious signs because it’s brought him so much pain. 

When Dazai talks about them spending the next New Year’s together “Chuuya smiles, because that kind of promise is nice, but ultimately means nothing. It’s nice, if only in this moment though.” OMG he wants this so bad but he’s so resigned to the fact that Dazai’s just going leave at some point alksdjalksdjf

 -

 I love the texts Chuuya gets from everyone. I love how distinct their voices are <3 Atsushi freaking about chazuke, Aku thanking Chuuya for helping him make chazuke (gimme all the akuatsuuuu). Aku warning Chuuya about Dazai, I just love the way he talks about Dazai now go Aku!! Yosano and Kouyou? Ranpo wants to give Poe gifts akjsdfhkajdshf! </p>

Some notes on Dazai: “Does that guy need anything aside from your company anyway?” *more dying seal noises* I just love the way Steinbeck says that like it’s common sense and that the oh-so-tricky Dazai is so obvious and predictable in his affections. And Dazai always replying to texts if they’re from Chuuya, trying to be there in his own way I guess *cheering Dazai on*

“I am helpless against your beauty and I’ll need your company to cure me of this lovesickness” OMG I almost died of laughter (maybe we all kind of have that feeling for Chuuya tho), but then I read the next part where Chuuya thinks it’s some kind of code and then later: “Did you just fucking imply that my looks made you sick?!” aaahahahahahaha I’m dead XD

  ATUSUSHI SASS APPRECIATION 

“Ah, so the man-tiger really sounds threatening when said by mafia members. I thought it was just Akutagawa.”

 “Do you really want to know what i call him, Chuuya-san?” I love Atsu’s not-so-innocent side

 And when Chuuya denies missing Dazai and Atsu’s all like"Are you excited about Fukuzawa’s return then?“ LOLOL

-

Aku’s "I’m going to the hospital” comment. Period.

 ANGST RANT #2

OK so the mistletoe, which has all sorts of romantic connotation and stuff, sacred plant of a goddess of love, all magical and etc etc, but then Chuuya says “Mistletoe are parasites, pests….They…kill trees. And stuff” as if he’s talking about how loving Dazai was killing him.

And before they have their indirect “kiss” there’s “Because things have ultimately not changed, have they? They can’t change–because that would mean—“ and he’s just not ready to accept that yet. Not an actual kiss. Puh-lease.

Back to my earlier point on Chuuya anticipating loss and disappointment; he knows he wants this with Dazai, he slowed down all of those moments he had to be close to him, but he just can’t see a happy ending. And Dazai just kind of confirms it too, telling Chuuya he’s going to Russia with Mori and Fukuzawa last minute and leaving just like that. Not really telling him the details of his mission.

And “Dazai siphons the life out of him, leaving him with work, work, work. It’s just like before, only with more phone contacts and more Facebook friends, this time. He wonders if he should feel happy for expecting this all along.” Draining him LIKE THE DAMN MISTLETOE.

Dazai not telling Chuuya that he’s really moved in with him. How Atsushi knows, everyone knows, but not Chuuya. Once again left out of the loop.

ANGST RANT #3

“Dazai claimed to never lie on negotiations and what happened back then–was a negotiation, nothing else……Dazai Osamu is a fucking liar” The way he rejects Dazai’s confession, the way he’s forced himself to see their relationships ajkdfhajksdhfkajsh

“Chuuya’s heart beats staccato beats of misery and hurt, as he watches Dazai’s face remain impassive, in control. He hates it.” This contrast between Chuuya’s turmoil and Dazai’s perceived calmness, Dazai sort of making his decisions for him, running him in circles just because he could predict his reactions. How frustrating, how unfair. The table flip was so impactful in this scene. How can he struggle for autonomy against someone who can grasp everything in the palm of his hand?

Dazai’s trying to be careful but his lack of transparency is one of their biggest problems, way to go Dazai. Just because you know he’s going to reject you doesn’t mean that you can just hide things and not let him do it. Let this poor man decide T.T I do acknowledge his effort though.

Chuuya’s three years of trying to be normal falling apart, I love how he corrected it to eight years, because he’s been struggling for so much longer.

(Mori asking Dazai to be the PM’s new Boss? Ouch, OUCH)

“’And I’m just the sharpest tool in your box.’” He’s been holding that one in hasn’t he? The way Dazai was his world while to Dazai he was just an object to be used. 

And holy shit Dazai, telling Chuuya that they can’t have normal things because they’re monsters. Chuuya’s been struggling so long to find self-worth, to finally deserve to live among normal people…I would imagine that he would have these feelings for sure, being such a kind person doing such wicked things, but then it was because DAZAI was the one who said it, who invalidated his feelings, that hurt him the most. *sobbing*

Chuuya’s actually crying now, finally falling apart after keeping it together for so long, but Dazai can’t just kiss those tears away now like he did after his nightmare. Because all of those insecurities and scars are coming right back to reality now.

“Eight years ago and Chuuya would have carved out his own, beating heart, the moment Dazai said that it’s part of the plan.” The way this was written, from the wording to the buildup from the previous paragraphs, was so raw and painful I had to stop reading for a moment because sweet Mother Theresa on the hood of a Mercedes Benz Chuuya needs so much love.

He wants proof, perfectly acceptable because there is overwhelming evidence of Dazai hurting Chuuya. The little bits of him caring for Chuuya are overshadowed by Chuuya’s Dazai-is-pain-I-can’t-come-close-or-I-won’t-be-able-to-bounce-back-again mode. Especially when Dazai is STILL hiding things from him. Still making his choices for him. And despite all of his efforts he feels as if nothing’s changed. Dazai’s still lying, he can’t be normal, can’t escape from the past, “He’s the only one truly disgraced here, tainted with darkness, tainted with the budding light of hope that will never fully bloom.”

Dazai asking for him to just believe even if there’s no proof is outrageous at this point.

But then akjdhfaksjhfaksjadfh Dazai’s all desperate and just pleading for him not to push him away how heartbreaking.

They’re going to need a catalyst to get back together right? Please send help!

Thanks so much for this wonderful update!! So intense adfasajkfhaskjhdjk, I can’t wait to see how the characters handle this. (I did not proofread my comment so sorry if I rambled too much)

[bungou-stray-dogs-indulgences]

in light of the new chap w yet another dazai ex machina, what else do you think he's bad at? he's canonically a bad driver and a bit clumsy (falling and getting injured mentioned during his dark era convo w odasaku), but what else? also maybe for atsushi, akutagawa, and chuuya?

Most of them are a bit silly/random, but if you want more serious topics feel free to request again and I’ll fix you up♡

Dazai Osamu

Making friends. Most of the time Dazai sees people as pawns or simply beings to manipulate. Even if he’s friendly with his coworkers at the ADA, his last true friend was Odasaku.

Opening things. He’ll struggle with a bottle of soda for hours only to have it explode with fizz, packages in the mail are an absolute nightmare, and the pickle jar’s his arch nemesis. Sometimes Dazai horribly ruins the mood because he’s struggling to get a condom out of the package and goddamnit the thing just won’t open.

Cooking/baking. His idea of making dessert is cracking open a tub of ice cream, pouring on some chocolate syrup and going to town. If he’s feeling really ambitious he might rip open a box of instant brownie mix and add too many eggs. As far as cooking actual meals- well, don’t even go there.

Singing. Despite the fact that he serenades his showerhead—often—and might initiate a karaoke session while drunk, he doesn’t exactly have that smoky, seductive tone (or any tone) that pops male singers to the top of the charts. 

Shopping. He will get distracted by the smallest of things and a trip originally meant for picking up a gallon of milk morphs into him wandering through the produce section pointing out all the fruits that look weird. Online shopping’s even worse— don’t let him within ten feet of ThisIsWhyI’mBroke.

Nakajima Atsushi

Accepting failure. Atsushi simply can’t take losses easily; he’ll beat himself up over whatever he did wrong for months. Letting mishaps go is nigh unto impossible.

Remembering song lyrics. Karaoke sessions with Atsushi are a disaster because he’ll forget a line in the chorus and it’ll throw him off until he’s a mumbling mess. Naturally he feels bad for ‘ruining’ the song and everything plummets from there.

Any sort of mechanical maintenance, at all. Whether it’s a car’s oil change or fixing a microwave that never quite seems to get the center of his food warm, any machine is too much for Atsushi to handle and he ends up just staring, lost, until he inevitably gives up.

Drinking. If you can actually convince him to down anything alcoholic, prepare for a drunk, sleepy mess in seconds. One jello shot is all he needs to get plastered; not to mention pure drinks. A single swig of fireball not only has him gagging, but also on the floor for the next three to twelve hours.

Video games. He always gets seventh place or worse in Mario Kart and he’s extremely salty about it to the point that if someone asks him to play, he’ll politely refuse (unless, of course, it’s Kyouka).

Akutagawa Ryunosuke

Talking through problems. His solution to everything is to just brute force it, and when that doesn’t work, he’ll ignore or internalize his issues.

Birthdays in general. First of all, there’s three hundred sixty five days in a goddamn year, how is he supposed to remember when each and every Port Mafia member that’s ever said ‘hello’ to him was born? Gifts? How the fuck is he supposed to figure out what someone else wants? Parties? Don’t even go there. If he’s in a bad mood (he always is) he just Rashomons the balloons.

Laundry. For years he didn’t realize you can’t use bleach and laundry detergent interchangeably and kept ruining clothes. He still refuses to separate lights and darks and just dumps everything in the washing machine at once. Folding simply doesn’t happen. All his clean clothes simply sit in the laundry basket until he wears them.

Swimming. Not only does he hate getting wet, he’s about as good at navigating the water as a dead dog. Unless he’s got floaties (and you look me in the eyes and tell me this is a man that consents to using floaties) he’s just stuck flailing. Or drowning.

Keeping plants alive. If he really put his mind to it, Akutagawa could probably kill a plastic potted plant. The poor grass outside his house can testify.

Nakahara Chuuya

Apologizing. His hotheaded nature means he gets into fights easily, but dealing with the aftermath doesn’t come so naturally. Chuuya hates saying sorry and he’ll only do it if he’s really out of line, or he’s apologizing to someone he cares deeply about.

Impulse buying. Of course, when you’re swimming in money, dropping a few thousand dollars on a galaxy-printed pool table is no biggie, but the fact still remains that blowing an entire week’s wages in one afternoon surfing the internet is probably not the most financially healthy decision.

Sudoku. Puzzles in general make Chuuya want to rip his hair out but the numbers based ones especially make his head ache. Whenever the whole thing implodes and over half of the boxes end up not working out he gets unreasonably angry and powerbombs the thing halfway across the room.

Board games. Not only will he be in last place, he’ll be incredibly salty when he loses. Prepare for the cold shoulder anytime you kick his ass at Monopoly.

Remembering peoples’ names. If he cares for someone or they’re important for a mission their name will stick in his head, but random people like neighbours a few houses over or people who frequent the same bar will completely slip his mind. It’s probably a good thing he never went to high school because he would never remember his classmates when he ran into them at the grocery store.