#to the point of not being able to text or talk to ppl for like 6 weeks
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
God the loneliness has been hitting real bad since yesterday
#vent#not many irl friends to hang out with#i signed up for an event tomorrow and monday but#so many online friends but none that are either available or that I'm cozy with to talk#my best irl friend has been so busy for months that we barely exchange a few texts a day#and the larger friend group i had has been gone for months#it fucking sucks man i feel miserable#sure i get out and go outside and like volunteer and stuff but that's not friendship yknow#i spend maybe like 2-4 hours a WEEK talking to someone who isn't family#it's not enough i miss having friends and i miss being able to see people in person#all the ppl i relied on either left or are too fucking busy to talk#on certain days of the week i can reliably spend the whole day not once talking to a real life person. like today#it's slowly getting to the point that i'm getting existential dread and anxiety just from existing#because the only thing i can reliably look forward to every day is being fucking alone
15 notes
·
View notes
Text
"why are people mad about AI being pushed on them when they SHOULD be mad about all the privacy erosion??"
1) plenty of us bitches are mad and annoyed about both, actually.
2) the privacy erosion has become the normalized state of existence for the average person for the last 10 fucking years at least, its snuck in, they disguise it as Convenient Features to Help You Shop Better, and thats IF they bother telling you theyre doing it, instead of just opting all your shit in without asking, its so fucking normalized that yeah, a lot of people do not bother to question it, they just sigh in resignation and go, yeah, i guess, do i even have other options? and they do, but theyre an investment of learning and time you dont have capacity for at the moment, or maybe you do but you feel like you dont bc it feels like a bigger hurdle than it is, and computer stuff is already kind of intimidating, cos man, what if you hit the wrong thing and brick your expensive ass machine? easier to just let it data harvest, you guess, it cant be THAT bad, can it? plenty of people live like this, put up with this, seek this out, its easier not to resist the privacy erosion. fucking whatever, i guess. yeah, i guess twitter i mean X, or walmart, or facebook, can just have all of my contact info and my phone number and my birthday and phone contacts and bank information and fuck it, give them my ssn while im at it. less effort later. this is just how tech has been for the last 10 yrs. no one can effectively get rage clicks on this topic anymore bc we all fucking know. it sucks and we know. what do you want me to fucking do about it? i have other shit to deal with more urgently. etc
3)
you cant turn anything on or log onto anything or go anywhere without hearing about whatever new shit theyre throwing AI at for no real reason, no one will fucking Shut Up about AI, and its Annoying, man
#toy txt post#toy pic post#image id in alt text#im so fucking Tired of hearing about it and in applications that make no sense cos they made the thing and are now trying to justify its#existence and cost instead of like. creating it to actually meet a need.#im annoyed at both of these things everytime i turn on the god damn computer#i keep getting texts about upgrading my phone to get one of the new AI models. man. i dont want that#i dont want it bc theyre as invasive as ever and the ai shit is stupid and i dont want it#AND YES. THERE ARE GOOD AND USEFUL AND DECENT APPLICATIONS AND USES FOR AI. I KNOW. ITS NOT ALL BAD#BUT MOST OF THE FUCKING CHATTER ABOUT IT IS ANNOYING AND THE INTERNET IS AS FILLED AS EVER WITH MEANINGLESS BULLSHIT#WHETHER IT BE AI GENERATED OR JUST TALKING ABOUT THEIR NEW BULLSHIT GENERATOR 3000. PLEASE DOWNLOAD#TO JUSTIFY THE VENTURE CAPITAL#man ppl are tired of it all. we want to opt out of it all#and some dont even want to bother.#and then theres ppl like my mom who no. i cant convince her the privacy erosion is a problem bc on an individual level she doesnt care#but i could convince her hopefully to be wary of 'answers' from ai and that they generate slop and if anyone asks you for money for ai shit#lmao Dont. okay#and at this point ill take that as a wij#win#and honestly the privacy erosion at this point. needs. legislative shit. legislative shit that isnt just 'oh the companies were data#harvesting teens? well if the companies stop giving that info to advertisers and instead give it to Their Parents. and also give them full#control of their accounts and everything the kids see. well that fixes it. no. god#its a big stupid messy problem that is gonna suck to fix and so far anyone who talks about fixing it on a mass scale is a fucking hack#who is fear mongering to exert more control over kids man it all sucks so bad. and it sucks more cos it doesnt Have To#it Could be good! computers could be good again. the answer is not necessarily everyone download linux bc thats not going to happen#maybe more ppl should and that would be good for us. yes. like idk teach it in school or some shit. but that cant be the only thing you do#windows and Microsoft and apple should not be retroactively fucking up the products they have monopolized into everyones homes & businesses#they should not be ABLE to do this. idkeverything sucks and is stupid and that sucks and is stupid and you all are complaining about dumb#rubes getting mad at the wrong thing and falling for ai fear mongering instead of being like. why are the bitches who are turning every god#damn computer into inherent spyware also shotgunning money into ai amd articles hyping up about ai
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
so many things about me could be explained by the fact that i didnt know people hung out with their school friends during summer/school breaks until i was 17
#like obv i knew you could do that#but it never occured to me that it actually happens#i used to go to summer camp with school friends in elementary school but that usually made me feel worse#for gender reasons mostly#theres something cruel about being the only girl and being separated from your friends for that#i remember one year they wanted girls in one bus and boys in the other one#and if it wasnt for the fact that my mom decided it was stupid and that i should be able to sit with my friends and that there was luckily#a free seat in that boys bus i wouldve to ride alone#idk#but other than summer camps i rarely saw anyone during summer breaks#and it was always normal for me to not see or talk to anyone for 3 months#and idk now it feels like thats how im meant to spend my time so i continually turn everyone down when they ask me if i want to meet up#i was in a group chat with some uni friends a while back and group chatę always inevitably make me feel like im weird and boring and unfunny#and serce as a constant reminder that im not as good friends with anyone as they are with each other#and im not used to texting ppl either not unless i have a specific question thats usually school related#so i. just left that chat and i had people ask me about it bc they were worried the said sth mean/offensive#and i had to make a fool of myself and explain that it was anxiety inducing#everyone was nice about it but it still makes me feel like shit#but ik id feel awful if i stated in it too#anyway im never going to make real kasting friendships and at this point i dont even know if i want to
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
...
#today has been a day. as in time did pass. the earth rotated. and i accomplished very little#bc im just feeling paralyzed and not so good. and i guess thats understandable#like i understand y its happening but its not any less frustrating. mostly its just knowing that i have to make life altering decisions in#the next few weeks. and the pressure of: if i dont decide to go for this one project then they dont get a student and they dont get funding#that makes me pretty nauseous. and knowing i have an interview Thursday that im not ready for and i dont really wanna do#and its a product of not talking to people like a human being. like i just dont interact with people much. when im in the lab i mostly#stand around looking unapproachable or go in when i kno there's no one there and i just dont have close friends so i dont really talk to or#text anyone. i just work and fail to get things done. so then when im in a situation where i have to talk to ppl its all anxious shrapnel#or me dominating the conversation bc i cant stand the pauses and i have so much obsessivly rotatinf in my head. and i hate it. im so sick#of hearinf my own voice but no one talk in the way i want them to. i get so bored. and i want to ask pressing and uncomfortable things but#i kno i shouldnt. but i also dont really have a filter so ill just say fucking whatever. which is what i did Saturday when a triggering#topic of conversation arose. so now my lab mate officially knows too much. but whatever wtf is he gonna do abt it. i just get so annoyed#bc now its in my head. thr fact it set me off and that i overshared and that now its in my head. annoying.#and it doesn't help with the writing things i need to finish. bc i dont like feeling like ive done something wrong and one of the reviewers#has good points. which also probably means ill have to redo my 8 days of measurements so far#but i also might b able to shorten the timeline so idk. just a lot is happening rn and i feel the pressure and by brain doesn't like#pressure. and not doing things rn is not good. things need to be done#so idk i dont feel good but it makes sense. by the end of February hopefully things will b figured out#and i should sleep and hope for a better tomorrow#unrelated
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
I’m so glad my exams are finally over bc I can at last cut my long term friends off since I have so much free time now.
#people think that I will ALWAYS be there simply because I tolerate how much they use me for their therapy and never even ask if I’m ok when#it’s sooooo obvious I somehow seem to always get progressively worse in terms of physical and mental health#and so ! because of my MH I haven’t been able to talk to most people at all#like I’d get a panic attack at the thought and I’d just have to close the app and just calm myself down#and my heart … it would hurt so bad from how my anxiety which already makes me gag uncontrollable and jolt awake from how violently I’m#trembling somehow my heart started to hurt so bad to the point I felt I was going to die soon#so I genuinelyyyyy couldn’t even talk to anyone#I’ve always wondered that if I stopped texting first if people would even notice#these past six months proved that no they wouldn’t#even the person I’ve been friends with for 8 years btw didn’t care#we used to talk daily#when she was in hospital I always checked up on her more than anyone even tho I couldn’t visit the hospital I’d always send her messages and#try to yk help to my capacity and stuff#but she had replaced me by another girl kinda and she stopped talking to me after I stopped talking first bc of my health issues#and the saddest part is that barely anyone out of all the people I’ve tried to befriend ever spoke to me anymore#this has been one of the loneliest periods of my life-the fact that I am useless apart from temporary entertainment and a person to waste#time with ? in fact I’m barely considered for these options in general#anyways so !!! I just gave up ! beforeeven the thought of cutting someone off I’d need to genuinely be held at gun point for someone to make#me cut off a bad person but now although I’m quite stressed still I’m lowkey ok with cutting off ppl#just bc of how absolutely horribly I’ve been abused and treated by all of them#sorry for being annoying I just needed somewhere to note this down I HATE being negative but all my life is negativity no matter how much I#distract myself with the very very few things I like (I only kinda like on thing here now … and even that I’m forcing myself to like it a#little …) so yeah I always feel guilty for saying these things and making these posts nobody has any idea how bad the guilt is but what else#can I do ? I don’t know …#like I have only ever confronted people TWICE my whole life not bc I’ve not been abused I’ve actually been really badly taken advantage of#consistently and without fail at every stage of my life but I don’t say anything bc I’m worried they’ll get upset#the reasons I ever said anything at the end is bc those ppl made me so suicidal more than usual and yeah … I Can cut them off right?#whatever whatever it doesn’t matter now my existence amongst them isn’t liked it seems anyways so why would they care if I left ?
1 note
·
View note
Text
MERCURY HOUSE CORE ©novy2sirius
trigger warning: mental health issues, pedophilia, killing, physical health issues ☘️
this is just a random post abt things ppl with these placements could experience ☘️
these r only abt isolated placements so take it with a grain of salt bc the whole chart matters ☘️
a lot of these r experiences i’ve heard from my friends and ppl who’ve purchased readings from me directly ☘️
☿ mercury in 1h core
being diagnosed with more mental illnesses than u can count, being very intelligent which leads u to be anxious just by existing bc of all ur knowledge, saying things u don’t mean cuz u were angry, being told u have a youthful face, knowing a bunch of random facts abt things and telling ppl and them asking why tf u know that or care, hyper-fixating on things u can’t control, getting internet hate by simply existing, getting dmed sexual stuff by random weird dudes trying to prey on u (especially when ur younger), getting nauseous bc ur anxiety is so bad (especially before school), having sexy hands, skipping school to be on ur phone all day and do nothing, asking way too many questions bc of ur curiosity abt everything and annoying ppl (especially as a kid), giving ur opinion when no one asked for it, being told u could be a good rapper/singer, being rly good at flirting bc of ur charm, cussing a lot
☿ mercury in 2h core
being obsessed with mukbang/eating videos and then making urself rly hungry and being frustrated bc u can’t have the food they’re eating in the video, valuing ur own opinions more than others, not answering texts or calls bc ur too lazy to but then liking those same ppls posts on instagram, saying “um” too much or having a lot of pauses in between words bc ur a slow thinker, talking to ur toys as a kid when u were lonely, getting all ur food recipes from pinterest, buying online gift cards for ppl instead of putting effort into an actual gift/on the flip side if ur a more creative person putting a lot of thought into gifts, being good at making things from scratch, being more wealthy in online games than in real life, being obsessed w the papa’s food games on cool math as a kid, holding grudges against ppl who kill u on roblox, liking scents that smell like food or scents that make u smell rich/boujee, always making money, making money online
☿ mercury in 3h core
double texting bc u have sm to say and will forget abt it if u don’t type it immediately, being able to get lots of followers on social media, being gossiped abt online, being a huge reader, enjoying hearing abt other ppls drama but not wanting to be in any, having a child-like energy (this can be in a positive or negative way depending on what vibration ur at in life), saying childish things in arguments when ur at a lower vibration (example: meh meh meh :p), drama following u wherever u go, aging well, being obsessed with sims, not believing things unless there’s very good reasoning to back them up, being able to communicate well, being a talented writer, forming all ur opinions from ur older siblings (if u have any), math or literature being ur favorite subject, being a good driver, enjoying traveling but not for too long bc u get tired quickly of it, being charming af, being witty and quickly thinking of good jokes
☿ mercury in 4h core
posting all ur feelings on social media or going thru that emo phase in middle school where u would post those sad lyric vids on ur snapchat, ur family gossiping abt u a lot and u overhearing it in the next room, having a super low pain tolerance, enjoying watching self care vids, getting baby fever after seeing tiktoks of cute babies, being a rly good person to come to if someone needs a comfort person, living in an rv/camper at some point in ur life, telling ur mom everything and her giving u advice abt certain situations but then u don’t listen and she ends up being right abt the whole thing, coming to ur mom for advice on everything in general, ur mom being more childish than u, being able to write stories that readers rly emotionally relate to a lot, ur mom having videos of u still up on her facebook from when u were little that still haunt u to this day
☿ mercury in 5h core
being creative as hell, being a natural performer, having a fun childlike energy, being a huge risk taker and thrill seeker, being a talented actor, being rly good at video games and possibly becoming famous from playing them, living for the drama but not wanting to be a part of it, downloading tinder and not knowing y u don’t just delete it, being sassy, being told ur trying to hard to be the main character but u literally r the main character and can’t help that, not having ur first love until ur an adult and only experiencing puppy love in ur youth, going to a bunch of concerts, being turned on by wattpad stories and feeling like a whore bc of it, flirting w ppl online and then being scared to say anything to them in person when u see each other, being a good driver
☿ mercury in 6h core
ppl saying u come off super innocent (even if ur not), constantly doing things for others even when they don’t give the same energy in return, being obsessed with improving ur health or with videos online abt being healthy/fit, feeling awful before going to school bc it gives u horrible anxiety and makes u feel like ur gonna puke, thinking ur gonna get a stroke every time u have a normal headache (and being a hypochondriac in general), not functioning without consistency in ur life, having an entire pinterest board of cute animals, being good with animals, being obsessed w ur hygiene and feeling nasty when u don’t shower everyday, weirdly loving medical shows such as greys anatomy, having a lot of stomach issues
☿ mercury in 7h core
convincing ppl to do things with ur charm, wanting to tell ppl something and be honest with them but being too scared bc u don’t want them to hate u and r constantly afraid u’ll hurt them, copying ur romantic partners slang/ur partners copying urs, meeting lovers online, dating or marrying gemini/virgo placements, having age gaps in ur relationships, getting into a lot of conflicts online, ur ex partner/ex best friends posting abt u and subbing u (not saying ur name directly but talking abt u) online after u have a fallout, flirting with ppl on club penguin or roblox when u were younger, changing ur opinions easily based on what ur partner or close friends think, dating ppl when ur too young to even drive, posting a lot abt ur relationship online
☿ mercury in 8h core
analyzing ppl well and understanding them before anyone else does, ppl randomly telling u their deepest darkest secrets when u didn’t even ask, being interested in the way ppls minds work which leads u to become obsessed w books abt psychology/astrology/tarot/etc, starting to masturbate from a rly young age that’s almost concerning, having a lot of mental health issues bc of ur childhood trauma, using dark humor as a way to cope with ur trauma, not realizing how much trauma u’ve went thru until someone verbally tells u that u’ve been thru a lot (usually a therapist), being a tomboy as a kid, being obsessed with true crime, being told ur mysterious, saying out of pocket shit that has high shock value, being stalked online
☿ mercury in 9h core
having a more optimistic mindset than everyone around u, enjoying traveling a lot, wanting to leave ur hometown as soon as possible, driving when traveling instead of taking a plane cuz u don’t wanna pay for the flight, majoring in communications or something involving technology or literature, having an interest in other cultures more than ur own, coming off as intelligent bc of the way u talk and ur mannerisms, being told that u could be a good lawyer from a young age, being a good interviewer, knowing multiple languages, having logical ethics, being a comedian, being an amazing story teller
☿ mercury in 10h core
trying to keep ur daily life private and ppl still getting in ur business, being able to influence the public easily bc they seem to care a lot abt what u say, being famous on social media, being a famous singer, rumors being spread abt u to the public, having a talent for teaching others, having goals that u set as a kid that u feel u must fulfill, having a career involving cars, having a career involving technology, having a career involving writing/literature, being seen as someone who’s intelligent (especially in ur workplace), having dad humor, coming off as a know it all (10h is associated with experts and mercury is the thinking/the mind), being known for ur humor and how funny u r, playing online games that involve having a job such as papa’s freezeria
☿ mercury in 11h core
having random bursts of creative ideas and doing crazy stuff like writing an entire movie and then literally forgetting abt it the next day, ur best friends being ur siblings, having the most random thought processes, being able to make friends easily, having lots of online friends, being clumsy as hell, having a fan page/editing page when u were younger, being known as “the weird kid” in school (this doesn’t mean it’s always in a bad way tho it can mean in a unique/fun way), being popular online, having unique mannerisms, having a unique voice/unique speech patterns, being a good rapper, being dragged into online drama, cussing a lot, saying random things out of nowhere like ice bear from we bare bears, having a lot of ideas that r unique bc u think outside of the box, having unique perceptions, constantly changing ur mind abt things
☿ mercury in 12h core
speaking/writing things into existence with minimal effort, being obsessed with the feeling of nostalgia and making urself feel it then regretting it bc it hurts, ppl interrupting u and talking over u a lot, ppl ignoring what ur saying and making u feel like a ghost, having a huge interest in spiritual things, manipulating and lying a lot when at a lower vibration, being bullied (especially as a kid/in school), feeling lonely even when ur literally socializing or at a social function, having an astrology account, having more online friends than friend’s in person, daydreaming a lot in social settings (and in general), gaslighting ppl when at a lower vibration, being able to speak to the dead thru ur dreams, hearing ppl talking when ur half asleep, sleep walking, being sensitive to things ppl say but trying to hide it, healing ppl through ur words, hiding ur true thoughts abt someone, hiding ur true intentions, having strong emotional intelligence when at a high vibration, easily figuring out what someone’s feeling, being able to do rly good impressions
#mercury astrology#mercury#astrology#astrology blog#astrology chart#birth chart#astrology community#astro community
1K notes
·
View notes
Text
not to be too open on main but you know whattd be a little embarrassing? still Experiencing Problems bc of a relationship you were in at 14 good thing i dont experience them
#i have quite possibly already made posts abt this but some of us have shitty memories sometimes abt certain thingz#its just funny bc like imagine still thinking abt the person you dated at 14 thats silly#im not sure id call it trauma bc that feels like making too big a deal out of it (for mw)#it hadnt come up properly until recently and may or may not have fucked up my brain#to the point of not being able to text or talk to ppl for like 6 weeks#but its chill we vibinnn#kinda cringefail tho ngl#even funnier is im not even sure necessarily the cause bc like#i know there were things i could do at the time that changed dramatically within months#one of them being able to remember things ayyyyyyyyy!!!!! anyway sorry for the traumadump vent stuff#tumblr is a personal diary that nobody will read <3
0 notes
Text
drunk in love
pairing. sim jake x gn!reader synopsis. how jake acts drunk vs. how you act drunk genre. fluff, established relationship wc. 1.2k cw. obviously alcohol! and reader is wearing makeup at one point notes. ppl were saying jake might’ve been a bit tipsy in his live today so i was inspired
jake —
“he’s been asking for you.” jay mumbled, seeming annoyed as he entered the dorm. he had texted you to meet him and jake there, explaining how the boy had been talking his ear off about you after a couple of drinks. jake emerged from behind jay, his lips in a pout and his eyes resembling a sad puppy. his expression changed when he saw you, a smile stretching across his face.
“y/n!” he exclaimed, a small giggle escaping from his mouth as he embraced you.
“good luck.” jay smirked before walking away to his room. jake hugged you tightly, his head buried in your neck as he left kisses against your skin. you chuckled, placing your hands on his cheeks and lifting his head away from your neck. as soon as you made eye contact with jake, you smiled, noticing the lovesick expression on his face.
“i missed you so much…like, so so much.” he mumbled, pulling you against his body again. you bit back another laugh, running your hands through his hair.
“how much did you have to drink, baby?” you asked, sliding jake’s jacket off his body. the boy finally backed away from you, still not being able to take his eyes off your face. you were just so pretty that it made his whole body feel warm and fuzzy…or maybe that was just the alcohol…probably both.
“not that much, jus’ a little tipsy i swear.” jake shrugged, taking your hand and dragging you to him room. you had never seen jake drunk or tipsy before, but you were loving this extra affectionate side of him. he was already a touchy person, but it seemed to increase a tenfold after a few drinks.
“i think i’m too drunk to change my clothes, can you help me?” jake asked, clearly teasing you because he was able to walk easily and his words weren’t slurred. his movements were a bit abnormal, but he was capable of changing his own clothes.
“you just want an excuse for me to undress you.” you giggled, reaching into his closet for a new shirt and pants. jake let out a disappointed huff before pulling his shirt over his head. you handed him the shirt and sweatpants.
“i’m going to get you water, ill be right back.” you said before kissing his forehead and walking over to the door. jake let out a whine, wanting you to stay even though you’d only be gone for five seconds. when you came back, jake was sprawled across the bed, his smile widening at the sight of you. putting down the drink, you joined jake on the bed, squealing when he nearly crushed you in a hug.
“i never want to let you go ever again. i love you so much. like, so so much.” jake mumbled, kissing the top of your head. you turned to face him, being met with his lips on yours. jake began to kiss you harder and you let out a gasp when he slid his hands under your shirt.
“jakeee…” you groaned against his mouth, pushing him away slightly. the boy bit his lip to hold back a smile, finding your flustered reaction amusing.
“i’m not that drunk, you don’t have to be hesitant.” he spoke up, a teasing smile on his face. you rolled your eyes, placing a hand over his mouth when he tried to kiss you again.
“aren’t you tired? jay told me that you were falling asleep on the way home.” you asked, not stopping jake when he began to kiss your neck. you could never resist his affection, it was too addicting.
“seeing you gives me energy.” jake replied, lifting his head to meet your eyes. even though he wanted to have his hands all over you, he also wanted to make sure that you were comfortable before doing so.
“okay lover boy, less talking more kissing.” you giggled, pulling him back into a heated kiss.
you —
“did she drink this whole soju bottle?” riki asked with wide eyes, holding up the empty drink in his hand. jake looked at you and sighed, nodding his head. the three of you were hanging out in the boys’ dorm, having a mario kart tournament and jake brought drinks for you and him. riki tried to steal a couple of sips from jake’s bottle but the older boy’s reflexes were quicker.
“that shit works fast.” you groaned, draping yourself over jake’s lap.
“if you throw up, pls do it away from me.” riki mumbled, his eyes still focused on the game. he was playing single player since jake decided to keep his attention on you. he wasn’t sure what you were like drunk but he knew that you didn’t need to drink anything else. you tried to take more of his soju as well but he gently pushed your hand away.
“why are you so mean to me?” you whined, roughly rubbing your hands over your eyes. you managed to spread your mascara around your face, causing jake to laugh at your new look.
“i think it’s time for you to go to bed.” jake spoke up, slowly lifting you off of the floor. you groaned, holding your head as he pulled you up.
“i’m gonna get her ready for bed. don’t take any of the drinks.” jake said to riki, giving the younger boy a glare when he eyed the soju bottle. riki raised his hands in mock surrender, trying(but failing) to hide his smirk.
as soon as jake led you to the bathroom, he helped you to sit on the counter. he didn’t happen to have any makeup wipes laying around, so jake took regular wipes and started cleaning your face off.
“did you know…that my boyfriend is like super super gorgeous?” you asked, your eyes beginning to flutter from how tired you were. jake chuckled, tossing out the used wipe before cleaning your face properly. the gesture was sweet and it was cute to see how focused he was. jake always tried his best to make sure you were as comfortable as you could be.
“oh is he now?” he played along, knowing that you just had too much to drink.
“definitely. he has really cute eyes and his lips…don’t get me started i might say something inappropriate.” you giggled, a hiccup following right after. jake tried his best not to laugh, his face heating up a bit from the way you talked about him.
“and his smile…ugh he’s just so pretty and sexy and cute and hot and adorable it makes my head hurt.” you groaned, looking up at jake with a pout.
“he sounds like a wonderful person.” jake said, a small smile on his face.
“heh— i’m talking about you, yunnie. i’m not that drunk i know that you’re my boyfriend, silly.” you giggled. your slurred words and wobbly body suggested that you were a hundred percent not yourself, but jake was glad that you could at least tell who he was.
“well then thank you for the compliments, my love.” jake replied, leaning forward to kiss your lips. you giggled against his mouth, feeling extremely giddy around him. you usually felt like a love sick teenager whenever you were together, but the alcohol seemed to amplify those feelings.
“i love you so much, my pretty boy.”
“i love you more, baby.”
©neos127
special dts @junityy @4xiaojun bc my loves knew about it first!!
#enha#enhypen#enha x reader#enha fluff#enha imagines#enha scenarios#enha jake#jake enhypen#jake sim#jake sim x reader#jake sim x you#jake sim x y/n#jake sim imagines#sim jaeyun#sim jake x reader#sim jaeyun imagines#sim jaeyun x you#enhypen drabbles#enhypen fluff#enhypen headcanons#enhypen scenarios
2K notes
·
View notes
Text
having feelings about trans Gwen,,, like there's the 'superhero leading a double life' allegory for being closeted, which ppl have noted, but there's plenty I haven't seen anyone mention yet! like, the fact her dad has a trans patch in support of her means she's out.
She's a young trans *girl* (as opposed to a trans woman) living as her authentic gender in a loving home. she went to her school dance in a dress. she did ballet! which of course boys can do too, but often times when people are assigned male they don't get the chance to explore feminine hobbies. It's really lovely that someone, likely Gwen's dad, supported her enough to let her have those girly experiences and memories, whether she was living as a girl when she took dance up or as a gnc boy.
While it's subtle rep, I still think it's awesome to imply a character like Gwen is trans. Trans girls don't always get to have a childhood. Transmisogyny fetishizes transfems and presents them as always victimisers, never victims. They're barred from girlhood and it's connotations of innocence, vulnerability, lovableness.
Not that Gwen isn't a hashtag strong female character! And not that she hasn't had to grow up fast in other ways. She Is Literally Spiderwoman and she plays the drums and has agency and expresses negative emotions. But she's also a teenager, and she gets to be hugged and comforted, and to be set up for a soft friends to lovers relationship with another teenager, a cis boy who respects her and only knows her as a girl and thinks she's amazing and draws her in his sketchbook. That is not a role the media often lets trans girls have!!! It's lovely to think young transfems might be able to see themselves in a character consistently shown as worthy of affection.
Of course, the fact that Gwen is in the closet about being spider-woman is even sadder knowing this is her second rodeo. Lots of us have hesitated to come out a second time because our parents were supportive about the first thing and well, putting something else on them feels like taking the piss or hoping for too much.
Something else I wanted to talk about is how Gwen being trans effects a reading of her Peter's death, especially taking into account the new information this film gave us about this. There's this gendered switch happening, where Peter passes on his usual role to a woman. What's more, he has to die for her story to happen. She loves him, and never wanted him to die, but she's blamed for it anyway. Her father talks affectionately about the dead Peter, calling him his daughter's best friend. He talks about him like a son. He vows revenge on Gwen for killing him. It's a fantastic allegory for how some transphobic parents hate their out trans children for 'killing' the kid they had before.
I think with the above in mind, maybe we can see the subtext of Gwen's arc with her dad in this film as that of a supportive parent who's nevertheless got some biases left that hurt his trans daughter, who doesn't speak up for fear his acceptance is conditional.
I don't think it's a stretch to suggest that protecting a trans daughter is this Captain Stacy's motivation while he's working as a cop. Obviously there's the text that he wants to be a 'good cop' to work against the institution's bigotry, and he displays the trans flag on his work jacket. His quitting the police is a fantastic story beat because it makes a point about the real world while also serving a lot of the analogies going on.
Good cops quit. They realise you can't be a well intentioned cog in a bigoted machine. It doesn't matter if you're a bigot or just taking actions a bigot might because you're working within parameters set by bigots. It's an important message. Within a trans reading of the film, I'd also see this plot moment as Stacy realising he can't protect his trans daughter if he's still playing by the rules of a society that see her as threatening and duplicitous. He's then able to stop seeing her on some level as having killed his son.
They're able to be close again because he has completely rejected the cis culture he was a part of, rather than just decrying the worst parts and slotting Gwen in. She no longer has to worry that he'll rescind his acceptance if she's too trans, and so he gets to know all of her because she can let him into her world without self-editing.
Anyway, those are my thoughts on Gwen after watching Across The Spiderverse two hours ago lmao.
#atsv#atsv spoilers#across the spiderverse spoilers#spiderverse spoilers#spiderverse#spiderverse gwen
3K notes
·
View notes
Text
How you flirt based on your 5H
The 5th house is ruled by the sun & the sign of Leo; it rules over pleasure, our relationship to children (& “baby-making”), self-expression, creativity, the arts, what we consider fun, & romantic flings. The 5H represents how we express ourselves-romantically + creatively. Using the 5H, we are able to see how we & others flirt.
Aries 5H: You make the first move. You’re direct. You aren’t afraid to ask for their number or tell them how good they look. You don’t hint. You’ll be the one to break the ice, & others find your confidence attractive.
Taurus 5H: You make them swoon over you. You use your looks + material possessions to gain your crush’s attention. You cater yourself to their aesthetic a bit; you might dress in a way you know they will like. You are extra thoughtful of them, you may even buy them gifts.
Gemini 5H: You pique their interest. You keep them guessing & never let them become bored. You ask them questions about themselves & notice the little things about them that others don’t; ppl love your charisma + good nature.
Cancer 5H: You offer them solace; they feel safe w you. You often find yourself being a place of comfort for those whom you care for. More subtle in nature, your affection comes across as warm & tender.
Leo 5H: You attract them. Having the sign of Leo in its own house, you don’t have to do much to catch your crush’s attention- however, you might introduce them to your world of music, fashion, etc. if you really like them. You’re vibrant & inviting; your smile is enough to make them melt.
Virgo 5H: You do favors for them; you remember the things they like & dislike. You observe them & make them feel seen. You may offer them advice. Others appreciate your attention to detail.
Libra 5H: You charm them. You’re surprisingly forward & you use your people skills to your advantage. You know how to make someone blush. Your mannerisms are naturally flirtatious, & when you like someone you play that up.
Scorpio 5H: You seduce them. Your eyes are very sultry, & you know how to use them; you make direct eye contact. You may run a hand thru your hair or draw attention to your lips when you know they’re looking. Others associate you w having a naturally sexy presence.
Sagittarius 5H: You have fun w it. You like to tease them; joke around a bit & make them nervous. Unpredictability is key, which means you’re good at surprises. You love to keep them on their toes & wanting more. Ppl admire your lust for life + spontaneity.
Capricorn 5H: You make an effort. More traditional, you’ll put in the work to show them you like them. You’ll ask them out. Direct, but not pushy. When you like someone, you don’t mind paying the tab. Your “old fashioned” dating style is a breath of fresh air for many.
Aquarius 5H: You make yourself accessible to them. Not usually the one to initiate, you try to make it easier for them to make a move. You will add them on all your socials, respond to their texts; you might like to talk to them over the phone a lot. They’ll catch the hint.
Pisces 5H: You romanticize them. You take them as they are & see them thru caring eyes. You are gentle w them; you point out all the things you like about them & compliment them often. Ppl cherish your softness.
2K notes
·
View notes
Text
The following post contains people hating on a character on a skirt and a brief mention of sa and unaliving, please if any of those is something that triggers you skip the post and take care of yourself.
lets begin with the boundaries that i have
I do not feel comfortable with minors going to this or my nsfw acc simply because, is not a safe place for you to go (not even social media too but that's a different talk)
I do not like people going into any of my acc's to send my draws or content to minors bc... bitch do i even have to explain how fucked up that part is?
And last but not least; if you're going to talk shit about me at least talk shit with bases and evidence, how do you not have the first and most important rule about gossip? like??????
booooo tomatoes tomatoes tomatoes tomatoes tomatoes tomatoes tomatoes
I will not name anyone that was involved because first of all,they are minors and even tho they are old enough to know that what they're doing is wrong, naming them could do more harm than good and I think they are able to change if they just accept that their actions have consequences.... I'll be also using neutral pronouns for the ppl involved.
if you know the ppl that are in the screenshots please don't share their social media or acc's to avoid them getting harassed, also please don't harass the people mentioned here.
with that being said!
this situation has been happening for i think the last month when someone informed me about someone talking shit about my art on a private discord server.
I think that the concept of blocking blogs that have stuff that you're triggered or you don't vibe with is very simple to understand.
the persons that have been talking about how i don't draw normal stuff and how dare i to draw varian in a dress and being cute ohh no god forbid....
I don't know if you can't realize maybe I'm drawing Varian (A CHARACTER THAT DOESNT EVEN EXISTS) as trans masc and trans fem, and that anyone can have their hc and any hc are valid!
IF YOU DON'T LIKE WHAT I DO OR DRAW JUST DON'T FOLLOW ME ¡is that simple!
the situation with the person who is the owner of the server where they talk shit about me has not moderate well the place and allowed ppl to hate talk about a creator who they don't even know, neither talk to, nor they should interact with.
I tried to confront the person by sending them a text message on tumblr, said text message has been ignored and the person simply uploaded a new post back then, so....
also im going to tag this with vat7k bc the problem happened inside the fandom.
screenshots and more details under the cut
how to respect other people's boundaries
aparently y'all need a tutorial
"A certain kind of guided, detailed writing can not only help us process what we’ve been through and assist us as we envision a path forward; it can lower our blood pressure, strengthen our immune systems, and increase our general well-being. Expressive writing can result in a reduction in stress, anxiety, and depression; improve our sleep and performance; and bring us greater focus and clarity."
this is from an article of harvard that explains how writting helps to heal trauma.
remember to inform yourself before talking or using terms you don't know the meaning
trauma bonding definition
what is destructive criticism
I can accept criticism when it comes from a place of pointing out a part of my artwork that can be upgraded or a different technique i could use, or even the pose or the technical aspect of a painting/drawing, what is literally just insulting an artwork because you don't like it and have no grounds for it and is just hate... that's what i don't accept.
criticism and arguments come from a ground of respect from the both sides, not from only straight up hate and disrespect.
that's all i have to say abt it all...
please remember to be safe online and even more if youre a minor
how to be safe online
#vat7k#im tired...#cw a trans fem on a dress#cw a twink on a dress#cw varian#cw dress#cw twink#cw a pixel#cw cw
55 notes
·
View notes
Text
"why are people mad about AI being pushed on them when they SHOULD be mad about all the privacy erosion??"
1) plenty of us bitches are mad and annoyed about both, actually.
2) the privacy erosion has become the normalized state of existence for the average person for the last 10 fucking years at least, its snuck in, they disguise it as Convenient Features to Help You Shop Better, and thats IF they bother telling you theyre doing it, instead of just opting all your shit in without asking, its so fucking normalized that yeah, a lot of people do not bother to question it, they just sigh in resignation and go, yeah, i guess, do i even have other options? and they do, but theyre an investment of learning and time you dont have capacity for at the moment, or maybe you do but you feel like you dont bc it feels like a bigger hurdle than it is, and computer stuff is already kind of intimidating, cos man, what if you hit the wrong thing and brick your expensive ass machine? easier to just let it data harvest, you guess, it cant be THAT bad, can it? plenty of people live like this, put up with this, seek this out, its easier not to resist the privacy erosion. fucking whatever, i guess. yeah, i guess twitter i mean X, or walmart, or facebook, can just have all of my contact info and my phone number and my birthday and phone contacts and bank information and fuck it, give them my ssn while im at it. less effort later. this is just how tech has been for the last 10 yrs. no one can effectively get rage clicks on this topic anymore bc we all fucking know. it sucks and we know. what do you want me to fucking do about it? i have other shit to deal with more urgently. etc
3)
you cant turn anything on or log onto anything or go anywhere without hearing about whatever new shit theyre throwing AI at for no real reason, no one will fucking Shut Up about AI, and its Annoying, man
#toy txt post#toy pic post#image id in alt text#im so fucking Tired of hearing about it and in applications that make no sense cos they made the thing and are now trying to justify its#existence and cost instead of like. creating it to actually meet a need.#im annoyed at both of these things everytime i turn on the god damn computer#i keep getting texts about upgrading my phone to get one of the new AI models. man. i dont want that#i dont want it bc theyre as invasive as ever and the ai shit is stupid and i dont want it#AND YES. THERE ARE GOOD AND USEFUL AND DECENT APPLICATIONS AND USES FOR AI. I KNOW. ITS NOT ALL BAD#BUT MOST OF THE FUCKING CHATTER ABOUT IT IS ANNOYING AND THE INTERNET IS AS FILLED AS EVER WITH MEANINGLESS BULLSHIT#WHETHER IT BE AI GENERATED OR JUST TALKING ABOUT THEIR NEW BULLSHIT GENERATOR 3000. PLEASE DOWNLOAD#TO JUSTIFY THE VENTURE CAPITAL#man ppl are tired of it all. we want to opt out of it all#and some dont even want to bother.#and then theres ppl like my mom who no. i cant convince her the privacy erosion is a problem bc on an individual level she doesnt care#but i could convince her hopefully to be wary of 'answers' from ai and that they generate slop and if anyone asks you for money for ai shit#lmao Dont. okay#and at this point ill take that as a wij#win#and honestly the privacy erosion at this point. needs. legislative shit. legislative shit that isnt just 'oh the companies were data#harvesting teens? well if the companies stop giving that info to advertisers and instead give it to Their Parents. and also give them full#control of their accounts and everything the kids see. well that fixes it. no. god#its a big stupid messy problem that is gonna suck to fix and so far anyone who talks about fixing it on a mass scale is a fucking hack#who is fear mongering to exert more control over kids man it all sucks so bad. and it sucks more cos it doesnt Have To#it Could be good! computers could be good again. the answer is not necessarily everyone download linux bc thats not going to happen#maybe more ppl should and that would be good for us. yes. like idk teach it in school or some shit. but that cant be the only thing you do#windows and Microsoft and apple should not be retroactively fucking up the products they have monopolized into everyones homes & businesses#they should not be ABLE to do this. idkeverything sucks and is stupid and that sucks and is stupid and you all are complaining about dumb#rubes getting mad at the wrong thing and falling for ai fear mongering instead of being like. why are the bitches who are turning every god#damn computer into inherent spyware also shotgunning money into ai amd articles hyping up about ai
0 notes
Note
*guy who loves talking about despair disease voice* wait can we talk more about despair disease. i have so many thoughts on despair disease and esp how it pertains to nagito
i feel like when a lot of people first play/watch the games they see nagito as someone who lies to manipulate people, which while i can’t super blame them for thinking that way bc of how hajime tries to reconcile his conflicting feelings over nagito, i get SO frustrated when ppl call nagito a liar bc no!!! no he’s not!!! you’re falling for other characters’ perceptions of him!!! nagito almost never lies and when he does he’s either really bad at it (cough cough final FTE. “i got it all from a book” you are not slick buddy) or comes clean as soon as he’s achieved his desired outcome- it’s more bluffing than actual deception, and one thing he’s especially sincere in is his beliefs and admiration for the people around him. and the despair disease PROVES this without a doubt!!
ok. i know in-text the despair disease is described as “reversing people’s personalities,” but i’ve always interpreted it a little differently. ibuki isn’t the opposite of gullible, akane isn’t the opposite of a coward, and nagito isn’t the opposite of a liar. to me, it’s always seemed like the despair disease gives its host the trait they’d most hate to have— whatever trait would instill in them the deepest despair. ibuki hates conformity- stick her with a disease that makes her blindly follow whatever she’s told. akane hates showing weakness- force her into a state of constant crying. nagito hates the idea of deceiving his classmates- make him incapable of being sincere. this interpretation makes mikan’s disease make a little more sense too imo, since remembering her brainwashing isn’t exactly reversing her personality but instead literally filling her to the brim with despair. ANYWAYS.
nagito Actively Despises not being able to tell the truth. he hates the despair disease, he sees it as a complete waste. in the ult. luck and hope and despair mangas, we actually get to see some of his internal monologue right before he passes out, and he is In Hell. he’s pissed that he can’t serve as a proper stepping stone in his state, he thinks the whole disease is stupid, and he gets so frustrated about not being able to properly encourage the group that he Literally Starts Foaming At The Mouth ????? like if you EVER wanted undeniable proof that nagito is sincere look at the despair disease. it’s basically a roundabout truth serum for him and that’s a huge part of why it’s one of my favorite motives
sidenote i feel like the despair disease has a shit ton of analysis potential in general just bc of how it turns characters into what they hate the most!! i loveeee brainstorming what symptoms certain characters would have gotten were they to get infected. hajime especially. maybe he’d get a fawning disease where he starts praising everyone nagito-style (this would highlight their bystander parallels and also make hajime feel MISERABLE bc he fucking hates when nagito points out how similar they are lmao). or maybe he’d get an apathy disease that’d essentially izuru-fy him (wonderful foreshadowing potential there, not to imagine the incredible angst of izuru being the thing hajime would hate to be most in the world.) alas i am not a fanfic author so i will sit with my concepts but it is a wonderful daydream with any dangan characters i’d highly recommend it :]
YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSS!!!!! I SCREAM IN UNISON WITH YOU I LOOOVEEE THE DESAIR DISEASE!!!!! MAN… I’M SO OBSESSED WITH HOW YOU INTERPRET AND ARTICULATED THE DESPAIR DISEASE💗💗💗 The Despair Disease is genuinely so good for analyzing I really do believe Danganronpa 2 Chapter 3 is the best Chapter 3 out of the franchise. I think the reserving of their personalities truly meaning the traits they would hate to have is soo good I’m eating up, sealing it in my heart, and using it forever such a delightful way to explain it. The interpretations on what disease Hajime would get is so fun, I’ve seen some people interpret him getting the honesty disease which is fun in concept but I don’t think it works as well as other ideas could, y’know? Your ideas for a potential apathy or fawning disease are really fun to me, I like the idea of the fawning disease tapping into how much of a realist he is and giving him the opposite attitude Lol. Thank you so much for sending this it’s so fun I’ll be thinking about this forever, I wish I was a fanfic writer aha! I really want to become a fanfic writer, soon with time I suppose. Thank you again for sharing your daydreams with me, you’re very right it does have a lot of analysis potential! :D
#despair disease#danganronpa 2#hajime hinata#sdr2#danganronpa 2 chapter 3#nagito komaeda#ibuki mioda#akane owari#danganronpa#danganronpa spoilers#danganronpa 2 spoilers#sdr2 nagito#danganronpa nagito#sdr2 komaeda#danganronpa komaeda#komaeda nagito#danganronpa goodbye despair#hajime#nagito#hinata#komaeda#sdr2 hajime hinata#izuru kamakura#danganronpa fandom#sorry this took so long to answer ahhhrbrjrnns#sdr2 nagito komaeda#dr2
95 notes
·
View notes
Text
Get ready for a wall of text fellas cause i got some Ticci Toby head canons!!
If u guys want my specific thoughts on anything with Toby lemme know!! Also share ur own hcs i love hearing ppl talk about their interpretations of the characters
These hcs are in regards to my AU/interpretation of creepypasta characters/the Slendermansion
-Toby is 19 in my version, and he became an official proxy at around 17.
-Physically, he’s around 17-18 as proxies at some point stop aging. That’s also why he’s grown out whatever facial hair he has cause he has a complex about looking young, and he’s kinda baby faced as it is.
-He has some scars remaining from the car crash, but he’s gotten a lot more all over his body as he gets himself needlessly hurt. He knows that if he gets hits in certain parts of his body, it’s fatal and tries to avoid that as much as he can, but when it comes to the rest of him, he doesn’t really care
-he’s also super skinny because food wasn’t always the easiest to come by while he was on his own, but he would just forget cause he doesn’t get hunger pains.
-his first “mission” came in when the Slenderman provided him the names and locations of his old bullies from school
-this is what brought Toby to the public eye in the first place as a fr serial killer, since they were able to connect the victims to being in the same class as Toby, who was recently remembered for being the boy who murdered his father, set his house on fire, and suddenly disappeared.
-other students in Toby’s old class were able to vouch to that the victims were his old bullies, and one of them mentioned that they used to call him “Ticci Toby” to tease him, so that stuck as the nickname the news and internet would use to refer to Toby.
-Besides that, he ran solo and was mainly left to his own devices for until he was about 19 He didn’t really do much for those couple of months, just trying to work through his problems (by un aliving people)
-He would stalk various families mainly and would target parents that reminded him of his father. Sometimes, he would also find kids that reminded him of his older bullies, so he would go after them as well
-The Slenderman only ever interfered if Toby got too close to getting caught by law enforcement, but this was early on and Toby eventually got better at getting away on his own.
-Toby first moved into the mansion when he just turned 19. The Slenderman told him that he would eventually get a partner and a proper mission, but didn’t tell him exactly when
-For now, Toby had a nice place to stay with all the essentials, but he wouldn’t always stay there, only stopping by if he needed a shower, or to wash his clothes
-He would also go if he realized that he hadn’t eaten in a few days and decided that he probably should have some food
-And whenever he did stay, he left the place a mess, just cause he wasn’t used to having a place to himself, and he didn’t really mind living in filth
-He also didn’t stay just cause it reminded him that he was lonely-there were so many rooms so he knew other people were supposed to be staying there, but it felt like the Slenderman just dumped him there. He won’t say it out loud but he likes being with people, it at least keeps him distracted by his own thoughts
-his thoughts are mainly on his mom and Lyra.
-In terms of his mom, while he would wish that she had done more to protect him and his sister, he would sometimes wonder how she was doing-did she see him on the news? where was she? even after what he did, did she miss him?
-He knows he’s not supposed to be thinking about her, and sometimes if the Slenderman catches him thinking about his mom, he’ll reward him with just static in his brain and sickness, but that doesn’t really stop Toby
-The Slenderman also was able to eliminate Lyra from Toby’s nightmares to keep him focused, but that just led to him thinking about her more when he’s awake cause he still never got a chance to grieve and get over her death
The sillier ones are under the cut <3
-While his hatchets are his main weapon, he is a bit of an arsonist-it’s not his main mode of killing but he will light something up after he’d gone out on his own
-He’s not an expert tho so it’ll either spread to the surrounding locations or go out once he’s left-no in between
-while i draw him with just his ears pierced, he’ll probably give himself other piercings, and try to convince the other proxies to get piercings as well
-He’ll try to do them tho so he’ll like twitch around every once in a while going “trust me bro this isn’t gonna hurt at all”
-speaking of which, his tics consist of him neck cracking to the side, cracking/pushing down his pointer finger with his thumb on his left hand, putting on the middle finger on his left hand, making popping noises, clicking his tongue, saying “beep beep,” “get fucked” and “oh, no!”
-Toby did have pretty severe Tourrette’s, but the Slenderman’s influence has made it worse, causing him to tic more frequently, and almost non stop if he ever gets hit with the sickness
-the only thing he has from his home is an older picture of him and lyra-he used to keep it in the kitchen but once more people started to move into the mansion he’s kept it in the bottom of a drawer in his room
-loves his baggy comfy clothes-big sweaters, hoodies, baggy jeans and sweats
-also loves breakfasts foods
-Toby picked up some interests and hobbies from his sister, mainly music and soccer
-Toby doesn’t really play soccer, but when he was living on his own he would put women’s soccer on the tv, as Lyra would watch it a bunch when she was alive
-He also knows how to play a bit of the drums-he’s not a pro but he knows the basics and he knows some guitar chords that his sister taught him
-She was really good with the guitar and they would joke about starting a band with some of her friends
-While Toby will joke about drinking, he’s never touched the stuff, and he feels uncomfortable whenever he’s around people who are obviously drunk
#coffbeanie thinks!!#creepypasta#creepypasta headcanon#creepypasta fandom#creepypasta ticci toby#ticci toby#ticci toby creepypasta#ticci toby headcanons
20 notes
·
View notes
Note
I just wanted to say I love what you’re doing omg… apologies if im totally missing the point by the way, I have only read some of ur responses to other asks and I’m not well read at all in the philosophy you talk about. Still I feel really seen by your posts or more accurately your posts feel exactly like my state of mind before committing to transitioning…. The repetitive and often kind of fleeting quality of the images you use reminds me of the obsessiveness I used to have over my (purposely unattainable) wishes of what I could be, the sort of wishes that don’t expect to be fulfilled unless pushed to the forefront by someone else, which the forcemasc does…. The captions are so raw and definitive that they feel half like someone else talking to me and half like my own repressed consciousness speaking what it can’t respectably say through someone else. most of the men being guys who I absolutely will not look like (I’m Asian and really short) adds to this because ur posts feel like the expression of an ideal fantasy, with all the caveats and problematic implications of creating an ideal fantasy of what being a man is based on your half-formed understanding of manhood through tv and the movies and whatnot… it rlly feels like trying to formulate an idea of what being a man would be like, without understanding or rlly comprehending the realities of life as the sort of man you will be. And in this way it’s like being on the precipice of taking the steps to actually realize the person you want to be, which you have some image of, but you really don’t know… the thing about transition (ime anyways) is that it highlights how who you are and who you want and what you value are all more intertwined and codeterminate than ppl think. I think many trans men eventually reach this point where they have to grapple with the question of what makes a man, anyways, besides a desire to be one? These posts feel like the state before unraveling any of that but you can see the strings so visibly there, waiting to be pulled on… Also one particular image you used a bit ago the one of the man and woman on the bicycle oh my god idk what it’s actually from but it felt so precisely like something I’d see while closeted and fixate on for weeks and weeks, creating a whole new image of it in my mind as a symbol of what could ideally be, stripping it of what it actually was while making it something more. Also your blog has felt very validating to me in my desire to turn away from wanting to be pretty, even as a man, which I feel is a box transmascs often get placed in against our will. Sorry this became an essay …. All of this is to say that I really appreciate your work and I’m excited to see where u go with it next !
Miss the point? I'd say quite the opposite. And no philosophy primer needed. If I were to go through, line by line, and find quotes of yours that I found incredibly salient and accurate to my own feelings, then I'd probably be copy-pasting your entire message. Very well-said.
There's also something to be said about being Asian and transmasculine. How it is burdened with uniquely specific assumptions about motivations for transition and rampant intracommunity fetishization. I try not to let it overwhelm me. Biting my tongue for now, but I have a lot to say about this. It's part of why I am painfully careful about whose photos I use, and with what text.
I'm relieved that you are able to pick out the intentional shortcomings of this project. The images show us fantasies of masculinity, and the captions do represent (to some degree) the frustration and neediness that comes from wanting to attain those ideals. They're that "repressed consciousness speaking what it can't respectably say", and I am that "someone else" for you, the viewer. I'll always be here to remind you that you should do it, you should chase after it anyway, because pursuing the impossible still changes you in a very real, palpable way.
"If you can't do it good, do it hard."
Thanks, anon. I hope I hear from you again.
Much love, CYP60MG
P.S. That movie is Rebels of the Neon God by Ming-liang Tsai. You should watch it.
youtube
72 notes
·
View notes
Text
I do find it interesting that while thankfully almost everyone is like "both were wrong and both were hurting" that ppl still harp on the "stolas just thought he could dismiss him" when thats not what happened.
Stolas has been nothing but nice to blitz, yes being sexually aggressive (reminder blitz tries to rob him and was the one that made the deal, essentially exploiting stolas's feeling for monetary gain) but has given him plenty og money and help and more importantly kindness.
He knew it was possible that if thry tried he MIGHT be able to win blitz over, but he decides a boundary for himself. After all hes done for blitz all he risked and all the kindness he showered on him (we all remember their date right) if blitz could not even imagine feelings for him TO THE POINT where he didnt at least suspect stolas was being genuine...he didnt want it. And then blitz goes on and TELLs him that he always hated stolas .
Its like....yes stolas could have set different boundaries but that was his choice. Its like how if your husband gets in a fight with you over his mother being an ass. Some people might be ok with their spouse siding with their mother over them so long as they eventually come around. Others would not tolerate that at all. Everyone is different. Stolas has been pining for someone who put zero effort into their "relationship"(remember their texts) and is tired of putting in the effort. He knew maybe if he was more gentle he could convince blitz to give him a chance. But based on his own pain and their months or years of anguish he decided to draw a line in the sand.
Abd people will say "he put blitz on the spot , " 1) it isnt stolas fault that blitz thinks no one could love him, on thr contrary stolas has REPEATEDLY shown his affection which blitz chose to interpret wrong do to his own trauma. 2) blitz coulda said that entire speech, swears includes about how unfair that was without talking shit about him. But blitz did because hes an asshole who pushes ppl away and would rather fight someone than be loved by them.
Both made mistakes yes but blitz didnt just react badly to a shitty coming out. He set it on fire.
28 notes
·
View notes