#to need that stuff’ attitude

[bloodcucker]

it’s getting dire. I need someone irl who will force me to go buy clothes/makeup and look up how to get estrogen and all that or I’m gonna die young. I’ve been out in some capacity since I was 16 (almost ten years) but there’s so many trans things I’ve just never done. I convinced myself I was too cool to need those things to be a girl, but really it just all felt so far out of reach that it wasn’t worth trying. everyone who’s ever tried to push me was either someone way too cishet or just someone I wasn’t close enough with to let myself be that vulnerable. I feel so ignorant of all the stuff I’m supposed to know by now, and having to get into the specifics of what that means and what I need to learn is just so fucking humiliating any time I try to broach it with anyone. and the help that I want, that I’m finally willing to admit that I want, feels like such a huge ask. it’s hard to believe anyone would have the time or energy or inclination to walk me through everything step by step and it feels to much easier to just… sit in my room and play video games and occasionally put on a skirt and lipstick to hang with friends just to feel a shred of womanhood.

I really wanted this year to be a year of big changes for me, but it’s halfway over and everything feels just as impossible as it used to. I don’t know what to do or where to start or who to talk to. or, well, I can think of a couple irls I could talk to. but I’m scared of the very real possibility that they’re unwilling or unable to help me and that I’ll just be stuck here.

[egophiliac]

I have SO many thoughts about everything and they are in no kind of order yet, so here's just some quick little bits in the meantime!

I am not normal about any of these characters!

[vaggieslefteye]

HUSK, Hotel Bartender & Concierge | 1x04 - Masquerade

"Oh, I FORGOT — you're the wise-old bartender who's seen it all! Get the fuck over yourself and pour me a real drink."

[zerozeroren]

POV: You awake to disturbing sounds from the kitchen. Your girlfriend had just returned from a late night shift. She is Hungry.

[callie-flower]

"proship dni" this, "comship dni" that, "neutral dni" unfortunately the people you don't like are still human and deserve comfort. my fucking god shut the hell up you're just as annoying as they are and protest WAY too much about it. go unlearn your purity morality shit

[swinging-stars-from-satellites]

pray for me please

[oriixxc]

[bredforloyalty]

like i believe there can be a middle way, a golden mean, between tolerating "men are violent misogynists bc women aren't nice enough to them 🥺" and tolerating those users. i believe it's possible to just not give way to either

[cosmogyros]

Spent all day cleaning like a motherFUCKER and I feel very proud of myself.

- dusted everywhere

- vacuumed the bedroom, living room, kitchen, and hall

- sorted and put away a shit ton of Random Stuff

- cleaned all the windows

- cleaned up the sofa

- put away all the shoes I need to sell in a box

- took out the recycling

- washed the dishes

- and what I'm most proud of: I climbed up on the extremely, unnervingly high and wobbly wooden construction that my former roommate built (so that she could have her bed up on a platform just below the ceiling, while the sofa and sofa table are directly below it), crawled across it while saying my prayers, and figured out how the curtain racks worked so I could carefully unscrew them and remove the giant ugly dusty curtains that I've been wanting to get rid of for years

The only bad part of the day was that I then tried to wash the huge dusty curtains and I used too much detergent out of enthusiasm and ebullience, so my washing machine overflowed 🙃

(not badly, but there was a lot of very hot dirty water to soak up, using all my towels, because I don't have a wet vac)

I'm nervous to try running the machine again, but I guess I have to... wish me luck please 😬

[dropthrbassss]

meme from last year (twt muts if you find me shhhh I wasn’t here)

[jessamine-rose]

So I finally found the time to read Chapter 5 + the Hades event of What in Hell is Bad? and AAHHH LEVIATHAN?!! God, his character is so interesting and I can’t wait to see more of him.

Idk I just find his personality and cold attitude towards MC quite refreshing. Not to mention that he has such a lovely voice and beautiful appearance…….aaahhh he’s so intriguing <3

AND LEVIATHAN’S H SCENE?? Let’s just say that my inner sadist was very happy with how it turned out. Honestly, we need more characters who are masochist + power bottom ψ(｀∇´)ψ

[victoriousfidelity]

without putting too fine a point on it, i am mentally all over the place and it's only going to get worse until mid-october (at least). i'm taking myself on a little theatre trip tomorrow, and hopefully getting out and spending some time on my own way down hadestown is going to make me feel slightly less like i'm on the verge of a complete meltdown - but i do still have to come back to the hellhole afterwards, so i'm not expecting a miracle. i want to write because it's the perfect distraction from everything, but at the moment i'm finding it impossible to get any peace unless my inlaws are both out at work. i'll likely keep working through my inbox + starters when i can, and hopefully i'll bulk my queue up a bit so i can start that up again. i'll also be updating sig's carrd, and finishing off the ones for @ofvanaheim and @harmbidder so that when i do feel like i can get some drafts done, everything is ready to go. please don't expect much from me ooc. i'll likely only answer messages very sporadically, especially on here. it's not personal. i'm just having a hard time coping right now, and the last thing i want to do is inflict that on anyone else. take care of yourselves 🧡

[zerozeroren]

hey Tony what's it's being together with Sophie this long?

3 years in, dorks are still very much goofing

[brittlebutch]

"You're a good girl, Tula," Mama comments indulgently, as if Tula was still a kit rather than something fully grown, settling back in to poke and prod Tula into place enough to continue combing through the dust and knots matting up her fur. Bitterly, Tula wishes she didn't have to be. But whatever world exists where Tula had the option of that freedom, it isn't this one. She had gotten tantalizingly close, near enough to taste it for a little while, but the path took a hard turn a the last second, and now Tula is left to salvage what little she can from the wreckage of what could have been.

words: 3,241

[aroace-poly-show]

ummm revamped showtime at 25 mafuyu thoughts. smth smth her mom was a struggling actress who gave up on it and i am debating on whether she immediately pushes mafuyu to do acting as a way of living vicariously through mafuyu’s future success or her initially not allowing mafuyu to act bc she believes its a pointless and worthless thing to pursue from her own experience but then she sees actual potential in mafuyu and the way people praise her and decides to let her act. either way bc of her past failure she really pressures mafuyu into aiming for fame and stardom and performing on big famous stages when mafuyu originally only wanted to make people smile with shows. mafuyu then loses this true passion for shows and forgets why she wanted to do them at all like her whole thing in canon. yeah

[agnisleftpec]

the fun thing about being a nonshipper who's forcibly desensitized themself to romance so they can actually survive in fandom spaces is i am truly free. nothing can stop me. evryone is dating everyone and no one at once. and i get so much gorgeous art and fanfic