#to me it’s not worth my time to think about what’s beyond that very much

[boopshoops]

What your favorite TWST character says about you :)

As a note before I begin: I saw one of these that shamed malleus and randomly even chenya enjoyers- (claimed that they were pick mes or something? 😭) so i wanted to make one that was more positive out of spite <3 make it more about the writing and why people appreciate the characters. Take each of these with a grain of salt i spose- also a lot of them share similar themes <3

(Aka fans who have different views or even blatantly incorrect views of characters will always exist everywhere, but insulting the entirety of a group solely for enjoying a character, many for different reasons, is probably not a great idea!

I get that sometimes people suck and thats understandable, but quit generalizing ok? Ok.

From a malleus enjoyer who just thinks hes a silly little guy and im tired of feeling like i have to defend myself bc he's my blorbo 😵‍💫)

Final note: i love unapologetically taking frustration and turning it into something that can make people smile 💕 also i blindly wrote this from 11pm-midnight :))) dividers by @/cafekitsune!

Heartslabyul:

Riddle: you enjoy and/or relate to the idea of healing from the past. Working hard to improve oneself for the ones around you and yourself: creating a healthier environment where you can be happy

Trey: there is immense complexity in things that are seemingly mundane. Digging deeper and deeper to find something truly sweet and heart warming is your joy.

Cater: maybe you relate, or maybe you used to, or maybe parts of the connections made in the past/presence/future dont feel as deep as you truly want them to be. There is something beautiful about a desire for genuine human connection, but also peace in being alone. There is a safe space for you yet, just be patient. 💕

Deuce: you love drive and determination. An endless stubbornness that keeps one going against all odds. Against every person who tells someone they cant. You watch them get proven wrong, and its pure bliss.

Ace: you find the connection between people beyond words heartwarming: even the seemingly simple ones. The ability to have a connection with someone who can get up to some mischief, tease back and forth, yet be there when you need them to be one of the most valuable things.

Savanaclaw:

Leona: Adversity over a lack of belief in oneself is a very difficult thing to overcome- yet it is very possible with the right crowd, the right amount of time, healing, and effort. You think someone's worth lies more than just within their title/job/appearance, but within the fact that they are able to stand back up and keep moving onward despite the odds. The hope for that change, and the ability to get out of bed in the morning on its own is strength.

Ruggie: Despite being through so much trauma at such a young age, recovery happens anyway. Its not perfect, at times the lessons learned are even rough. The survival tactics that once helped are now hard to ditch when theyre not needed anymore, but the ability to smile and joke and keep pushing onwards is something you value in life.

Jack: Self discipline can be both extremely useful as well as harmful in different ways. You find the way people can constantly strive to better themselves at what they love and/or morally to be highly admirable.

Octavinelle:

Azul: People can be cruel. And sometimes that cruelty inspires cruelty. Sometimes its simply used as a way to move on and survive insecurities created from it. Its hard, its a fight, but those insecurities are part of what make people beautiful. They are nothing to be ashamed of, and even the many tactics and smart ways of learning to overcome cruelness can be beautiful too.

Jade: The mind is extremely powerful. Intelligence and knowledge are not the only important things, no. Using that intel to find entertainment in the surrounding world can be exhilarating. Finding and discovering new unknowns: learning their ins and outs until they're a part of you is something you can relate to.

Floyd: speaking of fun- you love what is essentially the written version of a roller coaster. Ups and downs, ins and outs. Every single twist and turn is exhilarating and new. Every different perspective provides new insight into a multitude of different things. You are along for the ride, and you are having a lovely time.

Scarabia:

Jamil: self discovery can be very difficult after purposefully suppressing parts of one's self for a long time. Yet, the healing happens anyway (once again aha <3). People discover new parts of themselves, slowly becoming more comfortable not only with their environment, but how they react to it. The discovery is freedom, and freedom is bliss to you. New traits about oneself bloom like a flower: if not in the soil, then stubbornly in the cracks of cement. You gently take that bloom from the concrete and pot it, placing it gingerly in a beam of sunlight.

Kalim: Happiness isnt only sunshine to the one smiling, but to everyone else around them. It is delightfully infectious. However, happiness isnt a constant. You think emotions all emotions should be experienced rather than suppressed, because holding back sadness for the sake of others is a disservice to one's self. Discovering your own emotions, any range of them, is what makes people uniquely human. If anyone is holding those emotions back- hell, any part of them back, they need to be let out of the cage.

Pomefiore:

Vil: "Beauty is on the inside" is a saying thats been around for a long time, but beauty comes in so many forms. It can come from the stubborn desire to improve one's self: to be kinder, to help those around you, to be good. However it is impossible to be perfect. At times, for some, this can be crushing. People are hurt unintentionally, natural frustration can brew, the wrong actions can be taken: and thats okay. You believe whats important is to pick yourself up and keep going. To err is to be human, and that is beautiful too.

Rook: Error is beautiful. Symmetry is beautiful. Asymmetry is beautiful. A crack in the side walk is beautiful. Small things are beautiful, big things are beautiful. The nurturing of something through endless care is beautiful. The undeniable traits and hobbies of every individual that make them unique are beautiful. You find the endless optimism in finding beauty to be, in itself, beautiful.

Epel: Sometimes people will view others in ways that they wish not to be perceived as. This isnt in our control, as much as we sometimes want it to be. All you can do i be unapologetically yourself. To be you to the utmost degree. To prove those who thought otherwise to be foolish. You find this strength to find value in yourself despite others opinions admirable.

Ignihyde:

Idia: you have depression /j

Ok for real-

Life can be such a cunt. It can beat a person down, down, down and leave them vulnerable enough to fear it. To fear that beating, whenever it may next come. The anxiety of never knowing what or who will come next, or what one could lose. At times it feels more comforting to find a routine in solitude. But you know that the small things that give joy will wiggle their way in with time. The broken will meet people who love and care and find comfort in the companionship of healing, even from the little things: like a new story to read or game to play.

Ortho: You value unconditional support. Support through everything: the good, the bad, the just kind of okay. Knowing that someone can have ones back for every little thing- to be there solely because they care and wish the best for others- is something you look up to and maybe even wish to be for another.

Diasomnia:

Malleus: god damn people can be so hard to read and understand. They are so complicated: they are books you have to pay attention to from start to finish. But once you reach the end, you have a deep seated appreciation for them, and for the ones who stuck around to read your book too. Even if it was just for a fleeting moment: it is a happy moment. As painful as temporary things can be, it is also what you think can make the relationships we love and have loved so valuable.

Lilia: there can be suffering everywhere. There is war. There is famine. But there are also endless new sights to see. New discoveries to be made to help those still going through famine and war. New ways to love and understand people you never thought you'd understand. The development and positive parts of humanity, even though at times it can look bleak, are ever present to you. You love the discovery: of places and of people.

Silver: you believe that there is solace in being your own individual, regardless of who you are bound by blood to. Being shaped my experiences, friends, hardships, and new places are what make a person who they are. You value finding roots in and making your own home.

Sebek: Dedication can be a hard thing to come by, but when it does it can grab someone by the reigns. Using every waking moment to cherish that thing, learn more about it, become better at something, and strive to better ones self can be very admirable to you. But, on the other hand, it also calls for the occasional rest.

OTHER (just for ones I know well enough, sorry!)

Neige: You love kindness despite hardship. One can go through horrible things and still choose to be kind. The world could begin to end, and one could still choose to be kind, because it means everything.

Chenya: Curiosity fuels exploration. It fuels art. It fuels everything. It fuels excitement. It fuels friendships. It fuels medicine. It fuels life. Curiosity is endlessly fun, and you think that is very whimsical

Meleanor: Sacrifice for others can be tragic. Knowing what another person has given up for someone else, maybe even everything, is gut wrenching but undeniably a selfless love to you.

Crewel: There can be kindness in strictness. In teachings, there can be a parental guide. There can be someone who cares for you and undeniably wants you to succeed. They know that you can, so they push you towards it. You want this support.

Trein: Love surpasses time. When the ones we love are gone, the memories of them are still held close, with the love once given to them, we can show to others through advice and guidance that comes with time. You find comfort in that.

Crowley: People are flawed. We all know this, yet despite a persons flaws... however many there may be, there is still something hopeful and human about it. About having those flaws and persisting regardless. You may even like those flaws, and the unashamed desire to press on even with them on display.

Fellow/Ernesto: Live for yourself. This is what you desire. People are often caught up in material or monetary things. After all, we live in a world that required it to survive and even be respected. To throw away those views and simply live as you see fit: regardless as to whether you earn those things or not, is something you admire.

Rollo: Sometimes the attachment we have to those we lost can be painful. Regardless, that pain is proof that there was care and love. The things done for others, whether alive or dead, are done selflessly. Grief can fuel hatred, but it can also be caused by love. To unlearn hatred and learn to love again after the fear of loss is a natural human experience. It is a process you understand and admire those who take the time and strength needed to properly love again.

Thank you for reading <3

Tags <3

@lowcallyfruity @skriblee-ksk @justm3di0cr3 @cecilebutcher @kitwasnothere

@techno-danger @thehollowwriter @distant-velleity @the-trinket-witch @scint1llat3

@beneathsakurashade @qsoap @twsted-canvas @prince-kallisto @kathxrat-01

@sillyslipperybananapeel @jadelover69 @tixdixl @twstinginthewind

[yutarot]

ride or die. l.jn smau

021 — queen of hearts. wc: 3.4k (sorry)

YN POV

you really don’t want to go to this party.

after your chat with chenle, you’ve decided that everything he said was complete and utter nonsense. you? in love with jeno? you laugh at the thought. so as you slip into the outfit that winter picked out for you and receive the thumbs-up approval from mark, you decide that you’re going to make tonight worth it. you’re going to let out all of the pent up confusion of the last few days, all of your built up emotions. you're going to spend the entire party on the other side of the room to jaemin and most certainly jeno, and no-one is going to fall in love.

its going to be simple, unproblematic: exactly what you need. you want things back to the way they were, before you discovered jeno's identity, before your life was sent into complete and utter chaos.

in all honesty, the situation with jaemin upset you for more reasons than one. because, not only did jaemin having feelings for you mean that you've had to repeatedly keep turning him down, but it then meant that jeno’s identity being exposed was completely futile, and it made you feel awful.

after all, jaemin leaked jeno’s identity because of you, and despite jeno being okay with it, you aren’t.

putting your thoughts aside, you reinsert yourself into reality, standing side by side to mark and winter, horrifically aware of all the eyes around you. haalands frat house was spacious, a hue of dark multicoloured light stretching from wall to wall, absorbed in the imminent sound of upbeat music and flood of bodies. it hasn't gone unnoticed to the rest of the people at the party the way that you and jeno have avoided each other all night. occasionally, you catch a glance of him across the room, nursing the same drink he's had since he got here, whilst you’re way beyond your sixth, or perhaps even your eighth, its hard to tell. but people were starting to notice, and whether you like it or not, you're going to have to speak to him at some point. just not yet, you need a few more drinks first.

excusing yourself from winter and mark, you see chenle and his friend, jisung, pouring drinks at the side of the room, and you make the very unwise decision to go over to them.

"pour me one?" you say, extending your cup out to jisung who shyly pours the remaining liquor into your cup. chenle however, is unimpressed, giving you the most diabolical look of discontent, his eyebrow raising.

you squeeze past chenle in silence to grab some lemonade for the rest of your drink before he finally speaks.

"you gonna explain why you're doing everything but following my advice?" his voice is laced with a humorous tone of annoyance.

"no.." you reply, "im just.. feeling out the atmosphere first."

"oh right, okay. only for two hours." he flips back sarcastically.

jisung laughs awkwardly, not aware at all what the two of you are talking about.

"okay fine, I changed my mind."

chenle gives you a deadpan look. "how so?"

"what you said yesterday, i think you're wrong. "

chenle doesn't reply, he only laughs. "yeah. okay." he keeps chuckling to himself, so much so that you get annoyed, turning back around to go find mark and winter.

if, two months ago, you had told yourself that you would have walked away from the chenle zhong at a party mid conversation, you wouldn't believe it. you take the mental note to tell mark later, rubbing in all the times that he made fun of your crush in the past.

as you get back to your best friends, winter notices the cogs turning in the back of your mind. “why do i feel like you’re planning to kill someone.” she giggles.

“she’s pretty drunk.” mark replies for you, “she’s probably just trying to keep herself from throwing up everywhere.”

winter laughs, leaning round to check if you’re okay, in which you reply. “im not drunk, just annoyed.”

winter and mark exchange a glance.

as if on queue, you realise that one of your's and winters go-to party songs has began to fill the room: exceeder by mason. jumping out of your anger feuded trance, you grab winters hand, leading her to the centre of the party.

you let yourself go, ignoring all the prying eyes of those around you, finally basking in your own enjoyment, along-side your bestfriend.

you feel free, safe from judgement.

but all of that comes to a halt when you hear renjuns voice replace the large sound of music.

“those of you that want to join for the dare circle stay here, those of you that don’t. politely, fuck off." he adds on a "thanks." to the end, as if it would make his sentence suddenly super polite.

a dare circle? at a college party? you feel sick at the thought. but winters steel grip keeps you in place, and it’s not until you’re sat in the circle ready to play do you realise who’s remaining in the room.

to either side of you sit winter and mark, and when you scan your eyes around the rest, the voices of renjun, haechan, haaland, jaemin and chenle all fill the silence, aswell as some other faces you don't recognise. but when your eyes meet the person sitting at the far end of the circle, attention already baring into you, you go cold. jeno sits, leaning back on his hands and he looks at you. his face is calm, but you sense something even deeper whirring inside him, and you’re intrigued to find out what it is.

before you can think any further on the matter, haaland yells something incoherent, and when someone asks 'what the actual fuck that was supposed to mean', he shrugs, pointing to haechan.

“the fuck do you want me to do?!" haechan argues, but haaland gives him the middle finger.

haechan rolls his eyes dramatically. “fine, you big oof, i’ll explain the rules.” he pauses, picking up a pack of cards from the centre of the circle. “each card is correspondant to a dare. the number on the card indicates how many shots you have to take if you don’t do the dare, and the symbol indicates what dare you get."

everyone in the circle nods, excitement filling the air around you

"clubs: you have to choose someone to slap you in the face.”

beside you, mark bursts into laughter, “fucking praying i get to see haaland slap someone.”

you zone mark out, rolling your eyes as you listen to the rest of haechan’s explanation. “spades: you’ll be asked a personal question to answer.”

sounds pretty self explanatory, though you’re betting you’ll get a question about you and jeno, but it’s nothing you haven’t dealt with before. it’s become second nature to lie about your relationship with him, girls constantly coming up to you asking all sorts of questions, and you know they’re just feeling you out to see if you’ll last, waiting for their opportunity to have him for themselves. you’ll never understand the appeal.

well.. maybe some things you could understand.

“diamonds: you have to give the number on the card in dollars to the person on your left.”

a unified moan of annoyance floods through the circle, pleads of ‘fuck you im broke.’ and a 'i literally just got fired' from jisung, flying around the room.

“and hearts.” he pauses, eyes scanning meticulously between each of you, “hearts: you have to kiss someone else in the circle.”

after haechan explains the rules, eager and completely incoherent yells expand from the people around you. “easy.” winter chuckles, winking at haechan, and mark throws her a look of disgust.

“i really do hate people in relationships.” mark groans. you couldn’t agree more, though you couldn’t openly agree that in this setting.

haechan shuffles the cards before placing the deck in the centre of the circle and obviously choosing winter to go first. she giggles as she picks up the top card, flipping it over to reveal the 7 of clubs. the entire circle fades into a fit of laughter as you notice the drop in haechans expression.

"fuck you for choosing me to go first." she says, aimed at haechan. you all watch in anticipation as she places herself infront of him, everyone around her urging her on as she places her palm to haechans cheek, only to (lightly) slap him a few moments later. the circle is in a disarray of chaos, haechan eventually joining in, laughing at his own seriousness.

its winters turn to choose who's next and you're a little relieved that she's sober enough not to try and mess with you. a sigh escapes you as she chooses mark, who, on the contrary, is absolutely livid.

he picks up a card and flips it, the 4 of diamonds. he kicks his feet in anger as he digs into his wallet, taking out 4 dollars and passing it to winter, who just so happens to be on his left.

"I want that back later." he says.

winter laughs, "i'll buy you a burger."

when its marks turn to choose, he picks jaemin. you immediately turn to your best friend, eyes telling him just how much you wish to kill him. mark only shrugs before whispering to you.

"games a game."

you hit him on the back of his head in annoyance.

the circle is suddenly tense as jaemin reaches for the deck, and when he flips the top card, you go stiff.

"ooooooo, 2 of spades." haechan says, a smirk plastered on his face

somehow you hear haalands voice booming over the sound of your heart racing. "let me ask! let me ask! let me ask!" you exchange glances with literally everyone else in the room as you question what the hell haaland wants to ask, but you let him because, what the hell, why not?

"how do you feel knowing your best friend is dating your crush?"

the room falls silent.

that's why not,

"what? what is it?" haaland whispers to haechan, "what did I say wrong?" haechan slaps him on his arm, getting him to shut up, seemingly very intrigued on jaemins answer.

as are you.

but jaemin says nothing. he just looks at jeno, who very slightly shakes his head, almost unnoticeable.

but you notice.

after what seems like one too many seconds of silence, jaemin reaches towards the bottle in the middle of the circle and the entire room bursts into an energy of drunken excitement and chaos.

jaemin, seemingly angry at the situation, points to the one person in the room you've been hoping, praying, wouldn't be picked.

jeno.

if you thought the circle couldn't get more tense, you were wrong.

although you know its your imagination, you feel the burning of everyones attention on you, though the dare is placed on jeno.

he says nothing, just leaning forward and grabbing a card from the top of the deck.

you study jenos face as he reads the card. his expression hardens, eyes immediately going to yours as he places the card in the centre of the circle for everyone to see.

the energy of the room returns.

you look down at the card and your heart plunges out of your chest.

the queen of hearts.

this can only go one of two ways: jeno is going to somehow down 12 shots of straight liquor, one after the other, or he's going to decide to spare himself a trip to the hospital and be forced to, instead, go through with his dare.

to kiss somebody else in the circle.

immediately, jeno looks to you, a face of question lining his features, as if he's asking for your permission.

everyone glances between you and jeno, jeering you on. you feel suffocated, surrounded by faces of both people who don't know the truth and people that do, a plethora of judgement and the utmost fear of what's true: that it has to be you, you're his girlfriend.

you begin to panic. this was it, you couldn't escape it. this wasn't like being confronted by one of samo's fangirls, this wasn't like one of your faux dates with jeno. because atleast then you could pretend it was something it wasn't.

but this is different. a kiss is a kiss.

you can barely keep up with your own mind. you decide there's only one way out of this. you have to get out of there, now. you have to find a place away from all of these faces. so that's what you do, you get up, finding yourself heading straight to the nearest bedroom.

you close the door, collecting yourself. you feel stupid, cowardly, getting up and leaving like that. if people didn't think something was up between you two before, then they definitely do now.

but it wasn't them that you were worried about.

amidst your panicking and uncontrollable embarrassment, you hear the door click.

“winter, im okay i just-“

“hi.” jeno’s voice reaches down inside you, ripping up all hope of composure. you don’t know why you feel like this, why you feel like your heart is about to explode out of your chest and make a mess of haalands carpet. but you can’t control it, no matter how hard you try to.

“sorry,” you say quietly, “i thought you were winter.”

“well im not, if that helps.” he laughs, and you grin at his silliness.

"not really.." you say, the words coming out although you don't mean for them to.

there’s a pause of silence before jeno speaks up again. “sorry if i, you know, freaked you out in there. i just thought it’d be suspicious if it wasn’t you.”

“it’s okay.” it’s not okay. it’s not okay at all.

“can i ask you something?” he asks. you look up at him, the same stoic expression plastered on his face.

“okay..”

“why have you been avoiding me?” he says, a complete contrast to whatever you thought it was that he was going to say. “everywhere i go i feel your eyes follow me, but that’s all it is. not once have you spoken to me at this party until now, and frankly, im getting pretty fucking annoyed about it.”

his words catch you off guard, you’ve never seen jeno angry like this, eyes cold and unrelentless.

“it’s just… easier to pretend you’re not here.” you reply. it’s true, jeno’s mere existence is only a reminder of how much you ruined his life. though it was indirectly, it’s still your fault.

he’s silent, as if he’s suddenly understood your thoughts, before he speaks. “don’t.”

“don’t what?”

“don’t pretend im not here. it’s killing me.”

something in him shifts, as if all the anger in him suddenly turns and drifts out of his mind, replaced by a solemn feeling of helplessness.

but his jaw is still clenched. hard.

that feeling of something else floating at the back of jenos mind overwhelms you again. you're curious, about him, about you, and suddenly your mind races back to your conversation with chenle.

'just see what happens if you follow what your heart tells you.'

jeno can see that your thinking, and you pray that he can't read your mind.

"you're not okay, yn. what's going on in that little head of yours? why did you run in here?"

you take a moment to collect yourself, deciding that you need to tell him. he's the only other person in the world that could understand what it feels like to be in the position where something fake could, so quickly, seem so real.

"everyone was watching.” you say, quietly, looking down at the floor to avoid eye contact.

but when he doesn't speak, you look up. his eyes find yours, brows furrowed.

“isn’t that the point?” he says, mocking you. you can’t help but scoff at his response.

its the attention of it all. it’s not the people that don’t know the truth that worries you, its the people that do. fear struck you at the possibility that if you were to kiss jeno, it would suddenly make everything seem too real.

and that was not what you wanted.

despite what chenle thought you did.

you realise you haven't answered him, incessantly rambling in your own mind, when a small smile lines jenos features, atmosphere shifting and causing you to tense as he speaks up.

jeno steps closer to you, and you don’t know if it’s the alcohol speaking or you’re just plain delusional, but you swear he’s looking at your lips.

your theory is confirmed the second he opens his mouth to speak.

"how about now." his voice is soft. "its just us."

you don't know what to do, to say. so you just let him speak, unaware if its the sudden change in atmosphere that's making you dizzy, the alcohol, or jenos words.

but as he continues to speak, you decide its definitely the latter.

jeno tilts his head, looking down at you. "as your boyfriend, its only right that i can kiss you. no?"

you look at him in awe.

before you have time to register what the hell you're doing, you do the unthinkable, your actions exploding with a lack of consequence and an overwhelming new urge of confidence.

just once, you tell yourself, just to prove to myself that it’s not real.

you don’t think, you don’t want to think, as you step forward and reach up, hand falling to the back of his neck. you pull his head down and almost immediately his lips find yours.

its soft, careful. but as jeno realises what's happening, the tension between you shifts and suddenly, it's as if there was something new between you, finally imploding in your senses. it’s desperate, controlled and yet you have no idea what you’re doing.

jeno, however, seems to know exactly what he’s doing.

subtly, you feel his smile against your lips as he reaches a hand down to your waist, circling your lower back and pulling you flush against his body. you don’t have time to react, he’s taken full control over everything, as if he’s been wanting to do this for the longest time.

he breaks the kiss, murmuring against your skin. “you know there’s no-one watching us, right?” he leans back in, not even waiting for your reply.

“i know.” you manage to say. its a simple question, but it means so much.

there’s something so indescribably natural about it, as if yours and jeno’s relationship had been real the whole time. but it hadn’t, and you were becoming increasingly aware of it with every press of his lips against yours.

he senses something within you and he pulls away, eyes searching in your own as he pushes your hair from your face, his touch barely there. “you okay?”

you don’t need to say anything; he knows what your thinking. his hands slowly let loose from your sides, letting you stand onto your own weight and your knees almost buckle at the action. “easy, i've got you.” he says, holding you again and finally letting go only after you've regained your balance.

the air between you is thick, the confusion of what the hell just happened suffocating you.

you open your mouth to say something, to ease the awkwardness between you, but jeno beats you to it.

you feel awkward, like you want to do anything but stay in this room with him. he senses your stiffness, reaching past you to grab the door handle.

“hope you enjoy the rest of the party, pretty.” he mocks you with the last word, opening the door to let you both out of the room.

you scoff, eyes rolling with a small laugh. “i’ll try.” you say, before walking back into the room, multiple pairs of eyes staring as you both appear.

you sit back inbetween winter and mark, jeno also taking his rightful place back in the circle.

“what happened with you guys, you were gone for ages?” mark whispers.

you reply, “i think we just ruined everything.” you’re talking to mark, but your eyes never leave jeno’s.

fuck, you’re right. you really have just ruined everything.

but it was at that moment that you realised something crucial to why whatever just happened, had happened.

you wanted it to. and that very fact chilled you to the bone.

previous : mlist : next

notes; not me making up a whole drinking game because i didn’t wanna use truth or dare ☠️

taglist — open! @jenohyun @jirsungs @do-you-remember-summer-127 @ddolbyong @stqrgr7 @thatsatricky1 @sunghoonsgfreal @nattan127 @ssweetreveries @flamingi @chenlesfavorite @peterm4rker @snoopyjimin @akunoeyebrows @junviadinho @slayhaechan @f6llsun @multifandomania @cookiehaos @catecita @mrsjohnnysuh @luv4jeno @hyuckies18 @dreamiestay @tangerinelovelees @jjaegyeom @https-yeonjun @nanaxwi @yukisroom97 @nosungluv @mrkleelvr @neocrashed @jaedgemental @apolloxxivmin @kyubing @catdonut657 @dudekiss3r @juyeonshour @hamjwis @antifrggile @mmjhh1998 @thegracerammy @jenocity23 @honeynanamin @bluedbliss @lampcults @yyangj3lly

[stonechild]

feeling trapped and feeling helpless completely debilitate me. i have to be delusional about things to survive i think. been thinking a lot about how i would never try to take my parents religious beliefs (any ones for the most part) away from them. i could logic and reason them to death and then what? they lose the anchor that’s been holding them to life no no like i could never do that to someone. it’s fucked up to be conscious in this universe. it’s a gift but it’s also a burden. whatever helps you sleep at night i’m not kidding.

[yeyinde]

winter soldier au with John Price who was held in a gulag for three years and comes home wrong. comes back snarling and furious and threatening to rip apart the goddamn world if they don't give him what belongs to him, what's rightfully his, if they don't give him back his fucking wife, right this second—

the only problem is: John's ex-wife remarried. she's halfway around the world, and Laswell knows John enough to immediately squash that idea right away. but if not her, then who?

and then you walk into the room—a newly hired secretary that John has met less than a handful of times; a pencil pusher barely even a blip on the radar—but he pounces. snatches you up before any of them can react, tucking your bemused face into his chest, cradling you tight; possessively clutching at you as Kyle tries, and fails, to calm him down.

"you don't know her, sir. just let the girl go—"

it's met with a nasty snarl. all gleaming, bloodied teeth. a stranger in a familiar shape as John drags you further away from them. "this is my goddamn wife."

his declaration is met with shock. you're definitely not his wife. you barely know him much outside of a several, threadbare exchanges where he breathed down your neck about filing the wrong reports, and the cluttered mess of your desk ("a goddamn eyesore—"). you're not even friends. and in all honesty, you didn't even think he liked you that much. so. wife?

but he's beyond reason. his head a mangled, trenched mess of artillery fire and Makarov's torture. three years, Kate breathes. three whole years.

you can tell, almost immediately, by the look on her face that this—that you—will become a necessary loss in the grand scheme of things. and when John lets her close enough to whisper into your ear (having somehow convinced him that he can just walk out of here with you, his fucking wife, leaving for the marital home (and bed) that he demands from them for this brief stalemate)—she hurriedly tells you about their plot. this high risk, no reward scenario of playing along. not that you have much of a choice.

keeping John Price as close to them as possible was worth more than something as flimsy, as malleable as your agency, your autonomy. and if the way to do it was to let a brainwashed man play house with you, then so be it.

she, at the very least, offers a grim sort of smile even though you can see her working out the mechanics of it all as she makes promises on your behalf. things like, yes, John, you can leave with your wife. she missed you so much, John. she's so happy you're home.

"we kept your wife safe for you, John—" no one seems to react to the violent way Johnny has to be dragged out of the room by Ghost, kicking and screaming at the injustice of it all because th' captain wouldnae do this! don't do this t'him!

and John—if there's any part of that man still inside him, he doesn't let an inch of it show—just nods, lip pulling up into a snarl as he bullies you closer to his chest, and growls about finally getting you home.

"I'll keep you with me," he rasps, blunt fingers spreading wide over the fill of your body. a mad, twisted gleam of possessiveness, ownership, burning in bruised blue as he familiarises himself with this body he claimed as his. "right where you belong, wife."

(the word comes out in a bite. snaps around you and sounds just like mine.)

[lusalemaart]

🥛🍔

[sknolls]

Maybe you'll find this helpful? But I think the concept of intelligence sort of dissipates as you get older. Because everyone works by their own metrics and specialties. Like, I couldn't tell you the first think about biology, that doesn't make me less intelligent than a dedicated biologist. Just means they specialize in something that I don't. And applies to shit that I'm good with too. It's all just experience. Even within the same profession, you wouldn't look at two brilliant artists and go "yep that one's smarter," without coming across as extremely reductionist. It's sort of hard to have a good relationship with a false concept.

I think the main thing that made me dismissive of the concept is that I couldn't define a coherent metric for it. Even as an abstract concept. Is Intelligence a measurement of the amount of information someone knows? One's propensity to learn and accept new information? Is it a collection of general knowledge or is it specialized knowledge? What information constitutes one's intellect? Is it a static variable or one that's in constant flux? Like, I've generally been above average at math in elementary school, but then I hit a brick wall upon reaching higher levels of it, which involved invoking a different set of skills. So, what does that say about my intelligence on the matter? Another potential metric for the concept is one's propensity to think. But the act of thinking, itself, isn't a measurable concept either. Like, it's the closest approximation to how I'll use the words "smart" and "dumb." Basically as ways of saying "you gave me a lot to think about" or "I don't think you've put in enough thought." But there's a more accurate set of words for that: thoughtfulness, nuance, etc. For the sake of comparison, I'd argue that wisdom is an abstract concept, but still a real one. It's the measurement of one's life-experience. It is abstract because it cannot be objectively measured, but its components are commonly understood.

Also, when I coin the term false concept, I'm just saying it's a concept people invoke and attach meaning to despite the concept itself being rather meaningless. When I say an abstract concept, I mean it's a concept that lacks quantifiability and yet still holds meaning.

I personally find talking about concepts and philosophies to be rather annoying because language is fundamentally imprecise. I dont think thats a fault of English specifically. I think it's more that language is how a person translates their thoughts into a format understood by their peers, and I think my autism just gives me a heightened sense of awareness to its function as a translator. Every word carries a degree of nuance and air for interpretation that makes communicating ideals, especially with non-autistic ppl, tedious. That's also why I end up using a lot of big words and coining a lot of terms; feels more precise.

I want to be smart and be seen as smart by others, its one of the only things I latched onto as a pup that could make me feel like I had something that neurotypical people didn't. It's at best a silly fantasy, but since I'm white I don't really know if I can have a productive relationship with "intelligence" in the first place. Much to think about.

[tgcg]

hey guys. this is smth i have been thinking abt doing for a while but tonight i decided 4reel. i'm gonna put the blog on a kinda indefinite hiatus.

things have rlly changed for me & my life, & i need other things to change as well. i dont wanna divulge like... all my shit ere. but i just wanna say thanx to everyone who ever left a reply, kind message, fun ask, even just a like.

the kind of reception this blog got was totally beyond anything i coulda expected. i am still rly floored by it, u guys kindness & generosity. i'm rlly glad i could entertain you all and do right by these 2 guys.

i had so much fun here. making scripts & drawing them out. it's smth i have truly never experienced before & doubt i ever will anywhere else except this here blog. that was truly down to you guys & your enthusiasm and it'll never leave me. like, shit, getting dubs of my comix? fucking insane.

dk has been rly important to me for a rly long time. i became a fan of it over a decade ago. ive talked on da blog before about why i like em so much... so i'll just say here that i also don't rlly think these guys will ever leave me either. i think they were kinda a permanent mark on my development as a person. u can put me so so far away from hs & i'd still express that fondness for em deep down. they're a rlly great duo & i can't say at all that this decision is due to a lack of interest. love u dk <3.

for now i'm just gonna leave the blog as is, but in the future it may become p-word protected, who know... i'm not a fan of creating lost media since archiving obscure shit is a hobby of mine, so... we will "C"...

i'll still be hovering around over at @cgtg. i rlly like doing pwyw requests over there so i can flex my mspaint muscles and give u guys fun stuff. currently those are closed, but yea if ur interested you can drop a follow there & i'll say when they're open. no pressure to run over there tho. i understand that plenty were here for the dk's and i get that.

i might not be leaving this blog alone for good, & i think that's worth stating. who knows what will happen in da future? we're here right now & i'm very glad to have been here *until* now.

pls always have fun, do what you want forever, be kind, & take care. remember above all that youtube is where the poop is.

thanks for hanging out with me. love u all.

-randy tgcg 🙂

[venusandsaturnsrings]

you sighed heavily, zoning out on some of the elaborate wallpaper in front of you as your friend chattered on enthusiastically at your side.

last week, they had burst into your workplace with an expression so anxious you had thought something was seriously wrong. they went on to elaborate that famous director mr. reca was on penacony and having a surprise casting call and, as a member of the iris family, they just needed to go and audition but the idea of standing in front of such a well known face in the cinema world had them more panicked than they’d ever been before. whining endlessly about how they were so very nervous but couldn’t possibly miss such an opportunity, you easily picked up what exactly they wanted; you to go with them. sighing you offered your companionship partially as a good friend and partially to make the other workers stop glaring daggers, you finally chased them out the door as they promised to meet you at the studio on the weekend.

now in a long line of other actors and actresses hoping to finally get a breakthrough part, the number pinned hastily to your chest was starting to irritate you on top of not wanting to be here in the first place. agreeing so quickly was looking more like a mistake as you were realizing you had no experience or anything prepared and you’d soon be standing in front of a man who’d scrutinize your every move; a real nightmare in the dream.

it took a surprisingly short amount of time for your friend to be whisked away into the audition room with its heavy soundproof doors and you had to stand alone coming to terms with how much of a fool you’d look like. a brief thought of running flitted through your brain as you nervously tapped your foot but before any commitment to bolting could arise, you were ushered in.

the room was elegant but felt unbelievably sterile with the marble floors and delicate chandelier. behind a large wooden table stacked with folders, notes, and expensive looking pens was the man you dreaded explaining this predicament to. with piercing eyes and a predatory smile, mr. reca seemed unnervingly interested in what you’d go on to show him; nothing, unfortunately. you took your place in the centre of the room and awkwardly cleared your throat before dumping a word vomit of an apology and explanation filled with ‘i can’t act for shit,’ and ‘i’m sorry for wasting your time.’ he nodded with a low hum and seemed almost sympathetic as he tapped a finger against his lips while thinking.

“you’re here now and your… appearance… seemed perfectly suited to a personal project of mine i can’t seem to get out of my head,” his smile was unnerving in a way, “humour me and try out a couple poses at the least. such a role would come with magnificent compensation.” not the response you expected but you figured he was owed something for such a fumble. upon your agreement he had you shift into numerous positions that made your face flush with embarrassment but mr. reca seemed beyond pleased if his praise meant anything.

“magnificent. please, i’d love to have you star in a this minor film of mine. such a project will only take a few afternoons and i’ll make sure it’s worth your time.”

it’s the next week when you’re at his home. he welcomes you with a neat suffocating hug and offers numerous snacks and drinks as a show of good will. it’s quite charming until he takes you to where he’s set up for the first scenes.

the room is dim, lit by ambient lighting only and silk ribbons drape across the room. in the middle is a bed covered in luxurious sheets and soft blankets with a table on each side holding a variety of lewd toys; your face is warm. mr. reca cheerfully points to every object explaining the purpose and how it’ll be used after fiddling with all the different locks on the door to successfully trap you in. suddenly you feel sweaty and your chest is tight as you shiver uncontrollably. his personal film was an adult film. he dangles the previously signed contract over your head with a promise to publicly humiliate you if you don’t, “strip and put on these pieces,” a lacy pair of panties and a bra that hides nothing. he’s throwing a pair of stockings at your chest as well before making some adjustments on his camera. with no choice, you change and pray that this will be over soon but the sinking feeling in your gut says otherwise when you see he’s undressing as well.

[talesofesther]

first in my heart

Astarion Ancunin x Reader

Summary: Astarion hasn't seen his own face in 200 years and this bothers you deeply. You find a solution to finally show him how you see him, yet it leads to much more than simply that.

A/N: Gotta thank my sweet @iamnicodemus for encouraging me to write this. Undoubtedly one of the sweetest things I've ever written.

Word count: 4,7k

Masterlist

"I've never even seen this face. Not since it grew fangs and my eyes turned red."

It was something that lurked in the corners of your mind, those words of his. No matter how many days passed, you couldn't shake them off. It saddened you deeply. Each new passing mention about the last two centuries of Astarion's life drove a knife into your heart and twisted bitterly.

To the naked eye, it was imperceptible, never there. Even now, as you sat around the warm bonfire, watching as the pale elf bickered halfheartedly with Gale, he seemed as ordinary as your group of misfits could be. His smile loose, adorning those sharp fangs you'd become quite familiar with; silver hair curling delicately around pointy ears; deep red eyes reflecting the fire embers with a unique shine whenever he'd steal glances at you. He was the embodiment of lightheartedness and witty remarks, eccentric, unbothered, and with a quick tongue for anything.

And yet, he wasn't, not always. You felt secretly privileged, in a way, to be able to see the real him—to be allowed to. To hold him close when he wakes up gasping for air he didn't quite need and with watery eyes in the dead of the night; to softly kiss each and every scar on his back, whispering promises of love where before he had only known pain; to remind him again and again of his worth.

Astarion had a side to him you were slowly uncovering; you think, that he himself is only now uncovering as well. Vulnerable and fragile, broken but not beyond repair, yearning to be cradled by gentle hands.

He deserves to be mended, you know it in your heart. To get back what was taken from him. And you wanted to help, if only a little.

Earlier today as you ventured through Baldur's Gate, you stumbled upon a discarded sketchbook. It was a little dirty and a little worn, but it was still very much usable. Amidst your—many—questionably valuable loot, you knew you had a few good pencils to spare too.

It's been long since you picked up some paper and let your mind run free—before your whole adventure, to be precise. Maybe you'd be a little rusty around the edges and it would take a few tries to get him close to perfect, but you had time; or, you'd make time. He deserved as much.

⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆

The lines that made him him came almost like second nature to you, maybe because you'd traced those same features with your fingertips countless times before within these last weeks. Ever since he admitted he'd fallen for you beyond his plans of seducing you, things had been easier, lighter. He allowed himself to be cherished and you were more than happy to do so.

A faint smile tugged at the corners of your lips as you created curly strands of his hair with your pencil. Delicate and precise, even for the mess that was his curls.

The sky bathed in shades of orange, pink, and baby blue as the sun lowered in the distance. The camp was as lively as it usually was during the evenings. Karlach was playing fetch with Scratch and the Owlbear cub, the latter who was mostly just running around aimlessly. Gale and Wyll were hunched over the fire doing something you could only hope wouldn't end in mild disaster. Lae'zel sharpened her blades, a scratching sound piercing your ears from afar. Shadowheart looked to be in deep conversation with Astarion, to which the vampire gestured wildly as he apparently tried to make a point.

You never expected that your unfortunate encounter with a mind flayer would give you a makeshift family, but you were thankful that it did. For better or worse, you were all in this together, and that was comfort and motivation enough.

With the strangely soothing sounds of laughter and bickering, you turned your attention back to your sketchbook. Going back one page, you had already finished a rough sketch of Astarion's profile, focused on the contrast of his sharp nose and soft curls. Now, on the next page, you were working on a more elaborate portrayal of his features, depicting a look he often wore when you sauntered over to him; the faint smile on his lips that had grown all the softer ever since you first met; the gentle tilt of his head as his eyebrows scrunched expectantly; the sharp and alluring eyes who could pierce into your soul.

"What are you up to, my sweet?"

The sudden honey-coated voice startled you, you jumped slightly on your seat and hastily covered the pages on your lap with your forearms.

The elf himself stood only a few feet in front of you, his lips pursed and an eyebrow raised in curiosity as he tried to peek past your arms.

You chuckled timidly, "Nothing, I was just- just resting a bit." Shrugging nonchalantly as you smiled.

Astarion narrowed his eyes at you but didn't push it, he never did. "Gale is trying to make us something to eat with what he got from the vendors today," he gestured behind himself and to the fire where Gale stood in front of, "I wouldn't be the first to try it out if I were you but I'm dying to know everyone's opinion on it." A sly smirk got his fangs poking out, "bonus points if someone vomits it out."

You shot him an amused look, biting back a laugh. You never quite got why he had this little rivalry with Gale—besides the fact he wasn't overly fond of Gale's flirting attempts with you in the beginning, but that had long since subsided. To be honest, you think it's more routine than anything else at this point, for show and amusement; a friendly rivalry.

Slightly cold fingertips caught hold of your chin when you didn't answer, his thumb pressing against the corner of your mouth as Astarion held you. "Do join me, will you?"

The smile you still wore shifted into something sweeter, reserved only for him. And you leaned into his touch, closing your eyes momentarily. "I will… in a moment."

Astarion blinked at your briefly evasive answer, but nodded anyway, "I'll… be waiting."

He walked away, slow steps taking him towards the commotion around the campfire. You felt a little bad for denying him company right away, but it was for a good cause, you had to follow your streak of inspiration if you wanted to finish the drawing to the best of your abilities.

⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆

Dinner proved to be pleasant, tasty even, for Gale's culinary standards. This time of day had to be one of your favorites, with everyone sitting together around the fire at night and forgetting about life's misfortunes for a moment.

You sat by a rock, leaning your back against it as your shoulders shook with laughter at one of Halsin's stories. Astarion had plopped down by your side not long ago, the weight of his shoulder resting against yours as comforting as it always was. He took just a while longer to take your hand in his tonight, cold fingers hooking around yours and squeezing as he brought your joined hands to rest on his thigh.

Everything felt so new, you thought of yourself as a giddy teenager sometimes; heart fluttering with each lingering touch and stolen glance. For most of the time, you let Astarion set the pace of things, giving him the freedom to choose to be by your side. And there wasn't a time when he chose not to be.

He played with your fingers, palm to palm as if to compare sizes, alluring red eyes focused solely on where you touched. Innocent, boyish even. It was new for him too, you thought, perhaps much more than it would ever be to you.

And then your mind drifted back to the gift you had been steadily creating for him, excitement twirling in your stomach. You leaned closer, lips brushing the fabric of his shirt on his shoulder, "I'm gonna head to my tent for a bit, got a few things to organize. I'll find you later, yeah?"

A low hum fell past Astarion's lips, his eyes flicked to you, all big and vulnerable. "Oh, alright," his voice quiet and sweet.

You smiled, squeezed his hand, and planted a kiss on the corner of his lips. His eyes never left you as you walked away.

⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆

It had never been on his plans, falling for you. It wasn't even something he considered would happen when he first started to slip a few honeyed words your way. But then you threw his heart off course with your tender touches and whispers of comfort, leaving telltales of your warmth all over his cold body. And he was a goner.

The last time Astarion dared to care about someone, he endured a year of punishment locked away, alone, starving, and crying for help that wouldn't come. There had been a fear, clawing at the back of his mind as he watched himself crumble for you; a fear that this would end much the same.

When he finally bared his heart for you—shaking like a leaf with the proverbial organ stretched out in his hands—he expected you to deny him, scream at him, maybe even send him away.

You didn't.

You said you cared for him. You hugged him.

There was no one else in the world like you, he decided.

Three dangerous words lingered on Astarion's tongue each time he woke up to your sleeping form beside him. For the time being, he settled for kissing the shape of them into your skin, over and over, until maybe one day you figured it out.

He scoffed at himself, finally tearing his gaze away from where you sat on the other side of the camp. If his much younger self saw him now, he'd probably be laughing. Or he'd be very envious. No in-between.

Stars danced in the night sky, alongside a half-moon dusted with faint clouds. It was late, most of the group had already turned in for the night, with Karlach keeping watch, as much to her dismay, it was her turn.

Astarion ran his tongue over his fangs, grip tightening on the book he had in his hands. He'd been trying to read the same page for minutes now.

There was no one else in the world like you. He wondered when you'd realize that. When you'd realize that you were infinitely too good for the likes of him.

With a shiver running down his spine, Astarion worried that you might have started to.

It's been a few days now that you've been… distant; tucked away in your tent whenever you settled camp, not sparing him much time of day, at least not nearly as much as you used to.

With an annoyed click of his tongue, as he closed his book, Astarion realized he missed you, even with you sleeping side by side each night. How needy of him.

But he missed your mindless talks by the fire as everyone settled in for the night; he missed your walks through town just before sunset or sunrise; he missed the causality, the simplicity of calling you his. He'd gotten used to the sweet routine quite quickly.

The thought that you might already be growing tired of him made his dead heart clench agonizingly inside his chest. He glanced back at you, hunched over your makeshift desk as you scribbled something down in a book, Scratch lying by your feet. That is a kind of pain he wasn't sure he could endure.

Perhaps against his better judgment, his feet carried him to you anyway; yet he hesitated, words heavy on his tongue. Astarion stood awkwardly behind you, fidgeting with the edges of his shirt and praying that anyone who might still be awake wouldn't look this way. Scratch raised his head when the elf approached, a whine coming from him as his head tilted from side to side as if he wanted to ask what was wrong. Seems even the dog pities his predicament.

Old habits die hard and Astarion couldn't help but assume the worst, every time. He doesn't know how to be with someone, doesn't know the first thing about being in a relationship—was that what you two had? It's not like you ever labeled it. Maybe he did something wrong, and that's why you've been limiting your time with him.

"Astarion?"

With several blinks, his eyes focused again, only to see you regarding him with a frown, hand resting atop the closed book you had been writing in. Now your head was the one tilting inquisitively.

"Is everything okay?"

Still, your voice would always be sweetest to his ears.

Astarion shook his head softly to clear the fog his insecurities had brought and plastered a smile on his lips. "Of course, my darling," he approached, extending a hand to your sitting form and twirling a strand of your hair between his fingers, "I just think you should be getting your beauty sleep by now. Come warm up my bed, won't you?"

The faint blush that dusted your cheeks whenever he sweet-talked you would never cease to endear him. "We can read that book you're so fond of if you don't want to sleep, the cheesy romance one," Astarion purred, his pointer finger tracing the edges of your jaw.

You turned your head, planting a small kiss on his palm. "I'll be going soon, just want to finish something first. You can read without me, I don't mind."

But how could he ever tell you, that the words looked blurry and tangled without you by his side?

Longer than an hour had gone by when you finally decided to come to his tent. The night was mostly quiet, eery, with only the sounds of crickets, frogs, and the crackling of the dying fire. Astarion lay on his side, back turned towards the tent's opening. He didn't need sleep, not really, some meditation here and there would usually be enough to keep his energy up. But it was a habit he'd picked up when you started sleeping together through the night.

He wasn't asleep tonight, however. He heard your footsteps approaching him, quiet and cautious so as to not disturb him. He felt you lying down beside him, ever so slowly.

Astarion closed his eyes tightly, trying to hold himself back and failing miserably. One taste of your affection had been enough to get him hopelessly addicted.

He turned, shuffling closer and curling his body around you. His arm went over your stomach and tugged lightly, like a kitten asking for attention. You didn't say anything as you closed your arms around him, your lips finding the bridge of his nose and then his forehead. Words were futile when actions spoke the loudest.

Your gentle touches, the way you hold him without malice, he could hardly get enough of it. Your arms wrapped around him and your lips grazed his skin with lingering kisses, and it didn't hurt, it didn't burn or make him feel sick. You were the first one to ever do it, to hold him without hurting him.

Astarion nuzzled your neck, burying himself in the feeling, gladly drowning in it as he drank every last drop. Tears prickled his eyes, they usually did on nights like these and he's never quite sure why. Maybe it's because of the way your fingers gently tangled in his hair yet didn't tug or scrape; maybe it's the way you tighten your hold on him as if trying to mend his fragile heart; maybe it's because of how much he longed for someone like you to come and save him, on nights where all he knew were pain and unwelcomed caresses that scarred his skin more than any blade ever could.

And now, he wanted to lose himself in the comfort he found, that you so generously provided. His fingers closed forcefully on the fabric of your shirt, nearly ripping it, afraid you'd leave if he held you any looser. The fear of waking up alone and finding out that he'd lost you was all too consuming, tugging at his heartstrings.

He closed his eyes and rogue tears dampened the collar of your shirt. It was okay, it would be dry come morning, you wouldn't know. You were warm, you chased away everything that haunted him.

⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆

You stared at it intently. You have been staring at it for a while now, teeth chewing at the inside of your cheek in nervousness and anticipation. You checked it once, twice, turning the pages with careful fingers. The sketchbook wasn't filled, it would take too long to do so, but at least half of the pages inside it held some kind of scribble. Art pieces of various styles and levels of progression, some much more detailed than others, some mere hasty lines put together to paint a dear image you wanted to keep for a while longer. All of them of him. A book filled with the pointy ears and pale hair you adored so much.

You could only hope he would adore it just as much.

It was early in the morning and the day had yet to properly start. Most of your companions were still tucked away in their tents, some huddled around the burned logs of the fire from last night, coffee mugs in their hands and a sleepy look on their faces. You were never much of an early bird yourself, but today you made a point of rising before Astarion—you were lucky he'd picked back up the habit of sleeping and wasn't much of an early bird himself.

Hugging the sketchbook to your chest, you padded back to the warmth of his tent. As you opened the flaps, you were greeted with the sight of soft slivers of sunlight coming through the thinner part of the tent's fabric, they glimmered over Astarion's laying form, kissing his pale skin and making it shine.

You could easily get used to it; waking up to him, watching as the early morning rays painted his features golden, small wisps of dust flying in the air only giving him that bit more magical touch.

Astarion had his back to you, so you quietly kneeled beside him, extending a hand to run through his mess of curls; oh how soft they were, molding in between your fingers like seafoam on the shore. You counted yourself remarkably privileged.

You placed the sketchbook behind you so you could lie down, only keeping yourself up on one elbow. Your lips found his temple and the elf lightly stirred in his sleep. You kissed the tip of his ear next, waking him up gently. Always gently. He deserves gentleness.

With a hoarse groan, Astarion turned around to face you. He blinked several times as his ruby eyes adjusted to the soft sunlight, his face adorably scrunched from sleep. An easy, small smile appeared on his lips as soon as his gaze landed on you.

You weren't an early bird, yet you came to love the mornings, if only for this sight alone.

"Good morning, my star," you said quietly so as to not disturb the peace of the moment, still twirling a strand of his hair between your fingers.

He chuckled, "Good morning, beautiful." His voice all husky and deep, one hand finding your waist and trailing all the way up to your neck to pull you closer.

You kissed the corner of his lips and then the apple of his cheek, and Astarion's hold on you only grew tighter, pulling you on top of him. A welp escaped you as you laughed, nuzzling his neck before baring your teeth and giving him a playful nibble.

"Ow, you menace!" The vampire gasped halfheartedly, holding back a grin.

You pulled back from him with the ghost of a smile, bracing yourself on his chest. "I've got something to tell you."

His expression shifted to something you couldn't quite decipher, but he quickly masked it with a teasing tilt of his brows; "Oh? Are you gonna confess your undying love for me?" Both his hands brushed along the sides of your waist, gingerly raising your shirt as his pinkie grazed your skin.

"I thought we'd gone over that part already?" You teased back with a glint in your eyes, pushing yourself back up to sit beside him.

A whimper of complaint escaped Astarion when you separated, but he sat up with you anyway; his hair askew and all over the place, cheeks with the faintest flush to them, eyes just a little droopy, and… a strange stiffness to his shoulders. "What is it, my love?" He wondered, scrunching his nose endearingly when a piece of lint grazed it.

You squirmed in your seat; heart burning hotter than Karlach's in your chest, valves working overtime as the connection you shared enveloped you whole. You haven't actually told him how much you loved him, the four-lettered word hadn't been brought up yet, mostly for fear of the weight it held. But you wanted to, you've been feeling it for a while now.

"Well? Don't leave me in suspense," Astarion chuckled, but the sound didn't feel quite right to your ears, his smile wasn't reaching his eyes. And as you looked at him—one of his hands gripping tightly onto the fabric of his bedroll while the other tapped his knee incessantly; the ruby of his eyes almost nonexistent, covered by shiny black pupils as he looked intently at you, gaze filled with sentiment and vulnerability—you could notice it there now, that lingering fear of solitude gripping at his chest.

For a moment, you berated yourself, for you knew you'd spent quite some time on your little project, and maybe it had affected your routine more than you cared to admit. You felt a nagging guilt and sorrow for making Astarion even consider the possibility of loneliness again.

You tried shrugging it off. It would be worth it—and you'd be showering him with love and affection in just a moment anyway.

"I made something for you." The words rolled off your tongue more easily than you thought they would. You reached behind you with unsteady hands, heart in your mouth as you held onto your breath.

Astarion stared intently at the black sketchbook that was now clasped between your hands. He looked up at you, and back down, lips pursed in confusion.

"Ever since you told me… you haven't seen yourself in so long," you started, voice gentle as your thumbs traced the leather cover of the book. "And asked me how I saw you. I- I kept thinking about it and… when I found this," you wiggled the sketchbook in the air, "I guess I found a way of showing you…"

You extended the book for him to take, lowering your voice to a near whisper; "how I see you."

A short, trembled gush of air went past Astarion's lips. It was a difficult task to get him speechless, yet you had done it. He said nothing as he ever so carefully took the book from your hands, holding it as if the smallest wrong move could break it.

You watched as his throat worked through a heavy gulp, his eyes shining bright under the faint sunlight, swimming in a pool of sentiment and he hadn't even opened the book yet. Or properly looked at it, for that matter; his eyes still trailed on your face, as if waiting for confirmation that you meant it. Only when you gave him a tiny nod, did he finally look down. It hit you hard that this was probably the first gesture of this kind that he had received in his long life.

Shaky, pale hands reached to turn the first page. He hesitated for only a moment, almost looking afraid. About to see himself after 200 years of living as a ghost.

The first drawing you had made in the book wasn't your best, now that you looked down at it again; a simple portrait of Astarion looking down at a book in his hands, a little rough around the edges, hardly detailed. It had been your first try after not drawing for quite some time.

A beat passed, and a drop of water landed on the bottom corner of the page. You whipped your head up, only to see rogue tears steadily dripping down Astarion's cheeks until they reached his chin and fell on his lap. He cried silently, barely moving; the only signs being the obvious tears and the quivering of his lower lip.

He turned each page as if they were made from the purest gold. Stopping at every single drawing of him, to take it all in. He traced his fingertips over the lines that formed the curves of his curls, the tips of his ears, and the slope of his nose and lips.

People had referred to him as many things already; sexy, alluring, charming, attractive. Never had any of them referred to him as something… precious, delicate, bewitching, more than just a pretty face. Yet that's exactly how he saw himself now, through your eyes.

Astarion took his time, never speaking once. You let him, making yourself comfortable beside him and laying your head on his shoulder, simply existing in each other's presence.

Several minutes had gone by when the elf finally spoke up again. He was finally on the last used page of the book, and when the next appeared in white he slowly closed the book, still grasping onto it reverently. "For a moment I- I thought you'd grown tired of me already," it was the first thing he told you, and he refused to meet your eyes. A humorless chuckle fell past his lips, trying to laugh off his feelings.

You raised your head from his shoulder, lifting a hand to tenderly brush long strands of silver hair behind his ear; as you did so, you allowed your fingers to travel further, burying in the mop of hair behind his head. "Never. Never in a million years," you whispered.

Astarion met your gaze at last, ruby eyes glimmering with unshed tears while dried tracks of the ones before still lingered on his cheeks. This was the real Astarion; fragile, vulnerable, pleading for a gentle love, yet so beautifully strong.

"I'm sorry, my star. For allowing that thought to plague you. I just wanted this to be a surprise." You leaned forward and touched your forehead with his for a brief moment, hoping to bend the rules and physically give him your love.

"You made this," Astarion's voice broke in the middle, yet his smile was the most sincere you'd ever witnessed, "For me."

Catching a single tear that rolled down his cheek, you nodded, with a smile of your own.

There was a beat, a moment of silence where you simply looked at each other, wondering if the other felt just as much. And you didn't need a tadpole connection to confirm it.

Astarion set the sketchbook aside before all but throwing himself at you. Both his arms encircled your waist with desperation as he buried his head in your neck. His lips drew sloppy patterns and raised goosebumps in your skin as he kissed you relentlessly, from shoulder, to neck, to jaw; until he finally reached your own lips.

You brought your arms around him, pulling him in until your very souls were intertwined. Giggles escaped your lips as he kissed you, the shape of both your smiles making it difficult and all the more delightful.

When you parted, Astarion had you pinned down on his bedroll, with him resting snuggly on top of you. He refused to let go, clingy as he'd never dreamt he'd be. Your hand buried in his hair, his nose brushed the skin of your collar bone. "I had asked the gods for salvation, for any kind of blessing, countless times before. I could never guess it would come in the shape of you." He breathed in. He didn't hesitate. "Thank you. I love you."

You felt his smile. Felt the shape of his words on your skin, your soul. You kissed his hairline. "And I love you."

⋆* ☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ

Thank you for reading this little story. Feedback and reblogs are literally what keeps me motivated to continue posting here, so I’d appreciate it if you could take some time to reblog and comment. <3

You do not have permission to repost, copy, or translate my works on any platforms (even with credit), please respect.

Astarion’s taglist: @milkiane @v1ci0us

[occamstfs]

Chauffeur Swap

Another epistolary TF ! Cocky office worker to an equally cocky gym bro, trait swap + IQ Drain aplenty -Occam

Monday May 6th

Morning 

I’m beyond thrilled that I’m finally being looked at for a promotion. I’ve worked my ass off for this company ever since I graduated and I am not going to let this chance slip through my fingers. It’s such a good gig, in the week leading up to them filling the position they’re letting us use the company’s chauffeurs as just one little hint of the luxury this promotion will afford us.

At least, that’s what I thought before my driver arrived to pick me up and I saw what a slob of a man my driver was! I mean my word! I thought it was a prank or something else untoward! I’m sure he could tell too, I could not muster even a shy smile, nothing to do but grimace. God and that was before I got in! He must have just been an Uber hired or something because it smelled like a locker room in there! Truly vile!

God willing this is a one off occurrence, hate to get the oaf in trouble. Though judging by the state of his hygiene though he clearly needs to be taught a lesson somehow! I mean even with this job I couldn't afford to buy cologne enough to hide that stink- perhaps some dog-strength febreze- Ha!

Evening

Godddd fuck! The last thing I needed after such a stressful day was to be greeted by that animal’s face- worse yet, his SCENT! I underestimated just how grueling this interview charade would be. It is just one final hurdle to the big leagues though. I will leave petty contrivances like suffering through this unpleasant car ride behind.

Just to make the time pass with greater speed I put forth some small talk. Not like I could hold my breath near long enough to make a difference, and it couldn’t hurt to vent about what a hassle the day had been hm? After this though he started talking about himself and fwoh- could I not care less about whatever surely protein-fart based drivel or beer-brained diatribe he launched into. 

Perhaps this is unfair, I did not deign to listen to him. So perhaps he’s better than he seems. But who could blame me, sitting in that car was punishment enough to earn me tuning him out. And! And! For him to have the benefit of the doubt surely he could at least wear deodorant! Hm. Unless he is trying? God that would be depressing, to be so, ugh- I continue to hold out hope I never see him again

Tuesday May 7th

Morning

Mm, I simply must develop a better poker face if I am to continue to suffer in this odor for the week, god forbid even longer- I have prepared accordingly however, yesterday no one mentioned it at work but I swear I kept smelling it, him, all day? Same when I got home, just everytime I calmed down from work bam! I smelled this horrid car ride. I am bringing my cologne to work with me, I plan to put it at lest once more when I arrive at work.

It’s just, Why is this my problem right! I don’t know what his problem is, but I don’t see why I have to suffer because of it right? I should not have to deal with someone like this, he’s supposed to be working for me. I uh, it’s not like I think I’m better than him I just, well I am better than him. Hm, I lost my train of thought. 

Ugh, I keep spacing out today- I’m sure it has to do with my twice-daily rides with, hm. I don’t even know his name. It’s? You know I don’t care. I just need to take it easy, I’m not letting this fucking dude-bro pitstain of a man bother me this much! I’m getting my bag and he is not worth a second further of my, uh, attention.

Evening

I have a headache and I don’t know how it is his fault but it has to be. This whole thing is setting me on edge, I need to chill about Ben. That’s right Ben! I got his name, I actually told him about my headache and he told me that he usually meditates to clear his mind- which crazy that someone so, despite all appearances, mindful treats his body like a sty but- Well not a sty I suppose, or at the very least a well built one- 

Ah, that’s not quite appropriate is it. God he is hot though. Honestly sitting there just breathing in his, uh, scent, helped with the headache. Wait no, it was the meditation, God, why can I not stop thinking of his fucking B.o. My headache was gone but now I feel I’m beginning to run a fever, or at the very least I need to turn down the AC or something-

Better not affect my work tomorrow.

Wednesday May 8th

Morning 

Not gonna be a good one. I fucking woke up late which ive literally never done before! I barely got myself up and ready in time and didn’t realize until the car but I didn’t bring my cologne with me. It turned out to be the least of my problems however as when I got in his car I fully spilled my coffee all over the backseat. Hopefully this will mask his putridity because I now have to sit in the front with him for the ride.

He must know. He has to know it has to be some kinda sick, uh, fetish or something. Its untendable untenable. god get your shit together Jacob. Its so hard to focus on anything else now that Im sitting right by him. I need to talk to someone about this, fuck its like hes exposing his pits on purpose. He wants me to stare at him, i bet. Bet he gets some sort of sick rise out of me. Im sure him and all the other chauffeurs probably get together and jack off about how repulsive and, uh, strong they all are.

God Fuck! Get me out of this car im losing my mind! Need to, ill just get some work done on the commute, should help i think. God its getting hot in here again or something, so help me if this fucker starts actively sweating im gonna lose it

Evening

i just couldnt get anything done today i dont know what was fucking up dude? it was just so hot in there and i mustve forgotten to put deodorant on this morning, people kept complaining but i didnt even notice? i guess i was sweating more than usual, but like, it was so hot in that office and my clothes felt weird, tight almost. As if tho, lol im sure no one even really noticed that i was off.

OH speaking of, Ben really put himself together on the ride home today. He was wearing a button up and everything, must have seen how nice im living and got his shit together! Maybe ive been to hard on the douche? nah car still smelled like shit haha! Or i think it did? didnt really notice it until like halfway thru?

Fuck my clothes are so tight all of a sudden, godd its so hot actually. I look fucking huge in this tiny little monkey suit- almost like Benjamin ha- as if id stoop so low, even if i started getting massive not like id be dum enough to be on his level lol

Thursday May 9th

Morning

Fuckin couldnt find ANYTHING this morning dude! it was like someone came in and took or hid everything i need for work today. ended up having to just fuckin leave for the car without a suit jacket- pretty sure ive got an extra in my office tho so were chill there. mm probably shouldve shaved tho lol

Oh yeah the files! i had some reports that i needed to bring in but totally couldnt find them! Turns out benjamin had them the whole time it was weird, guess i left them last night. but he was like such an ass about it, like he knows anything though the uh, jock, jerk uh. hes actually dressed better than me rn isnt he. Finally threw on a dress shirt, surely inspired by me haha- pulling it off quite well too, his chest hair peaking up through mm-

Fuckkk dude my cocks kinda getting hard looking at him, starting to smell musty in the car too, wait oh shit i didnt even notice that it didnt reek when i got in! weird that its starting to stink now tho whats up with that, looks like hes finally noticing tho ha! its nice to see him finally react to how bad my uh, no how I GOD, how bad fuckin’ he stinks obviously. whatever, ive got more important stuff to think about.

Evening 

okay work was like, not fuckin chill today. idk what was up but like, every little thing i did today just wasnt good enough apparently like okay?? you know me, if something seems off clearly, fucking OBVIOUSLY it uh, i? god my head just keeps going blank i dont get it, im just. Huh, kinda smells like Ben all of a sudden, oh fuck lol my pits have completely sweat through my shirt-

None of this matters anyway though bro! Because i just had the BEST sesh with Ben after work!! honestly the work shit doesnt even bother me, shouldve seen me its like i am a natural at this shit i was getting a pump like ive done it a hundred times. im sure it smelled like a locker room on the ride home lol

OH! I didnt even say, it was all ben’s idea!!! he said the gym always helps him when uh, things get too hard to think about and fuckk bro hes so right. hes so, lol i almost said hes so smart- he definitely knows how to work out though, he kept helping me with my technique but im prety sure he just wanted an excuse to touch me- 

not that im complaining LMAO- every time he did it was like i felt myself getting stronger, and less worried about all those yes-man suit fuckers! hed adjust my arms and i would feel my biceps just suddenly pump larger, hed bump his hands into my pecs while spotting me and theyd just force the bar up even faster, wish hed just go ahead and grab my cock lol

theres time yet too- gonna crash at his place tonight! hopefully ill get to see him put his magic fingers and tight body to use cause fuck bro idk if it was the pump or what but i dont think my balls have ever been this blue, like any time i try to think about, oh ughh, work i just. mm everything in my body just begs me to fucking blow a load- 

Friday May 10th

Morning

fucker just went to bed early- got me all riled up and then i had to jack off alone. felt way better than usual tho, my cock seems bigger to lol, dk whats up with that. wanted to try again this morning but ben was just on my fucking ass trying to get me out the door 

i didnt have any of my clothes, duh, so i just threw on some of his, crazy how much they fit me? they even kinda already smell like me lol. he actually put a suit on which seems wild, funny that i look like a slob and he looks like some uh, fancy guy. Like i should right? uhh is my headache coming back? lol idk but looking at him in that fucking suit sure is making it hard to focus-

ben said i can just change n stuff when we got to the office, its why hes dressed up. ill go ahead and drive us and then hell just run up and get my clothes, idk if theyll fit tho? feel like im larger than i was for some reason- oh yeah my massive fucking pump lol- 

mh speaking of pump, maybe while hes up there ill have time to jack another one out, not like anyonell see or care ya? like its a problem im about to be the fuckin alpha of this company or uh, something. itll be done before hes back, only evidence will be cum stains on his clothes lol. ugh it smells so fucking dank in here i might just cum without touching it lol

Evening

shit man, dont know what i was doing? i feel like i was supposed to go into work today but ben says from now on im just his driver. which easy gig right lol? doesnt even care that i dont shower huhuh-

he got his big promotion today!!! he looked so smug and hot when he came down to tell me, and he promised wed have some fun about it when he got home tonight- just gotta drop him off at some stupid fancy dinner ill probably hit the gym while hes there. gotta keep it up or ill look like some fucking dweeb

plus that means ill get the car totaly filled with my bo- hell fuckin love that, after he gets a good whiff no way wil he not want to fuck then and there huhuh fuck, kinda needs to get that exercise in now that hes doing whatever bitchass shit they do all they day up there needs to give in and just fuck me finally its been so, ugh long and my balls feel so full, and im sweating so much god im fogging up the windows loli better be careful i need to keep it together until then urgh- 

god i just smell so fucken hot

[elodieunderglass]

To be fair to Jack Glass, an AI facemorpher app was never going to produce someone with any kind of alternative or queer energy whatsoever. It's just not how they're trained. I mean, that haircut is not a reflection of Elodie + T, that is the haunting spectre of ~60k random white guys whose data they scraped off Facebook to make the model.

Right fine FINE since we feel so strongly about the sheer provocation of poor old guysona Jack Glass let’s HAVE HIM BACK FOR A MOMENT, let’s chew on him SOME MORE, with his PODCASTER FACE APPARENTLY !!!!! Christ!!!!

MmmmmMMM I think , with all the love for humanity in my heart, that no matter how hard we might try to scrungle him, this is just A Good Man. it is A Good Man of a different species to myself. but ecosystems are beautiful and balanced places; full of things that are not my business, natural wonders that don’t need my opinion, and mysteries beyond my power to plumb. WHATEVER, it’s FINE. Am I not the first person to fight for the rights of the Bob? Do I not myself champion that there is no such thing as “looking queer” ? Have I not said before that such beliefs damage our whole community and hurt our people?

Nobly did I stand for the rights of the Bob, but I had not considered that but for a twist of the sliders, I was also capable of being a Bob all along!!

(Also I was kind of doing a bit, since the point of OP’s post was a celebration of trans people who are having a damn good time leaning into their inner Bob, as everyone should.)

However, the lessons that Jack Glass has to teach us are many, and one of them is: if a dark mirror showed you that inside your bi bitch self there was a guy who was, detectably, some sort of straight-looking guy with a DnD podcast and the ability to reverse parallel park as well as opinions on loading the dishwasher: can you be chill? Can you face up to the fact that a different brow line would simply make you appear extremely opinionated about fly fishing? And if not, why? Ultimately I do feel that I can be chill, with room in my heart for my inner Jack, even as I lay facedown on the floor thinking about how i BET he does his own oil changes. and that was the spirit I shared him in. The belief that because there is mundanity in the beautiful queer, there is beauty and indeed queerness in the glorious mundane.

And what came of it? Well, much condolence and sympathy, and many shared stories, and many people saying that while it may be very hard to face up to Jack Glass, what is important is that he looks kind. And that is another beautiful lesson of Jack Glass, which is that no matter who your dark mirror is, they are lovable to someone; whether this is helpful for people transitioning or simply helpful to hear in a psychological way, it is worth saying.

Thank you for this 🤝 and to everyone who, with charity and kindness, told me sincerely that they believed in his latent bi energy 😤 and may his lessons, whatever they are to you, be a blessing to those who need them.

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

hi sex witch!

i've got a question about sexual education that i'm hoping you can give insight to.

my wife and i have a 6 year old daughter, and are expecting our second in a few months. now that my wife is showing, our daughter is starting to ask questions about pregnancy, what it means, how it happens, all that good stuff. i've tried googling how to explain sex, pregnancy, birth, etc to kids but many websites are more aimed at redirecting the conversation or using very 'kiddy' language.

basically, my question is this: how can i explain the basics of what pregnancy is, how it happens, what happens during/after, etc to a child this young in a way that is age appropriate but... scientific, i suppose? is there such a thing as teaching them too young?

sincerely,

a very bemused father

hi bemused father,

good for you for not wanting to bullshit your kid about this!

in regards to your question about whether or not you can teach this to a kid too young: in my opinion, no. obviously you need to take into account, you know, what information is relevant and digestible for a kid depending on their age, and recognize that there's not a need to explain the entire spectrum of human sexual desire to a six year old who's just curious about why the fuck a baby is happening in there, but I think you already knew that!

for whatever it's worth, I was younger than your daughter when my mother had her second child, and not only did getting The Talk not traumatize me, I barely even remember it happening. as I've learned in my own experiences teaching kids all about sex ed, they have a GREAT capacity to keep the stuff that's interesting to them (for example, sperm + egg = baby) and filter out the stiff that's not relevant (in most cases, literally every other part of sex).

all of which is to say: you can just tell her how pregnancy happens. I really, really believe the best way to go is always just telling kids the truth at whatever level is chill with them. if the baby was conceived the old fashioned penis-in-vagina way, it's okay to present the no-frills version of that: when people want to make a baby, a person with a penis can put the penis inside of another person's vagina. the person with a penis can leave sperm that will find an egg, and when the egg and the sperm find each other they'll mix together parts of each parent to make a brand new baby. if your baby was conceived in a slightly more complicated way, it's great to build on the lesson about sperm and eggs with some information about how doctors sometimes need to help become parents, or the kindness of sperm donors who help people make their families bigger.

all of this can be daunting to approach on your own, especially without practice, so if you want some help I recommend the book It's So Amazing by Robie Harris and Tell Me About Sex, Grandma by Anastasia Higginbotham, the latter of which will be especially helpful if your kiddo has curiosity and follow up questions about sex beyond its role as something that makes pregnancy happen.

it can be overwhelming for parents when a young child starts asking questions about sexuality, but try to remember to be positive and encouraging about her curiosity even if you don't have an answer off the top of your head! "that's a great question! I don't know the answer either, let me do some learning and I'll tell you what I find" or "that's a good question, how about I find a book and we can read about it together?" can be great ways to buy yourself a little time if you're caught off guard by a question (and it also models for your kiddo that adults don't know everything and that that's okay to acknowledge). it's much more important to make sure she doesn't feel ashamed of wanting to learn than to know all of the right answers immediately!

and remember that if you ever hit a wall and don't know how to proceed, your friendly local sex witch has got you :)

[eveninglakehomeworld]

hi friends and lovers, I've gathered a small collection of dialogues from Zevran in DA:O regarding Antiva & the Crows.

I got this together mostly for myself, but thought I'd share in case anyone who is maybe looking to flesh out their new Crow OC, write fanfic involving Crow characters, or is looking for a refresher on early Crow lore would like something to reference. I trimmed down dialogues a bit, so mostly just information relevant to the Crows, Antiva in general, and Zevran's own attitudes about being an assassin are present.

this post has dialogues from Zev's recruitment event and a couple of early game camp conversations. because it's only a handful of dialogues, this is, ostensibly, part 1 of several. I plan to post more as I progress through my replay of origins. enjoy! <3

Recruitment

Warden: "What are the Antivan Crows?"

Leliana: I can tell you that. They are an order of assassins out of Antiva. Very powerful, and renowned for always getting the job done... so to speak. Someone went to great expense to hire this man.

Zevran: Quite right. I'm surprised you haven't heard much of the Crows out here. Back where I come from, we're rather infamous.

Warden: "You came all the way from Antiva?"

Zevran: Not precisely. I was in the neighborhood when the offer came. The Crows get around, you see.

[After being asked if he's loyal to Loghain]

Zevran: Beyond that, no, I'm not loyal to him. I was contracted to perform a service.

Warden: "And now that you've failed that service?"

Zevran: Well, that's between Loghain and the Crows. And between the Crows and myself.

Warden: "When were you to see him next?"

Zevran: I wasn't. If I had succeeded, I would have returned home and the Crows would have informed your Loghain of the results... if he didn't already know. If I had failed, I would be dead. Or I should be, at least, as far as the Crows are concerned. No need to see Loghain then.

Warden: "How much were you paid?"

Zevran: I wasn't paid anything. The Crows, however, were paid quite handsomely. Or so I understand. Which does make me about as poor as a chantry mouse, come to think of it. Being an Antivan Crow isn't for the ambitious, to be perfectly honest.

Warden: "Then why are you one?"

Zevran: Well, aside from a distinct lack of ambition, I suppose it's because I wasn't give much of a choice. The Crows bought me young. I was a bargain, too, or so I'm led to believe. But don't let my sad story influence you. The Crows aren't so bad. They keep one well supplied: Wine, women, men. Whatever you happen to fancy. Though, the whole severance package is garbage, let me tell you. If you were considering joining, I'd really think twice about it.

Warden: "Aren't you at least loyal to your employers?"

Zevran: Loyalty is an interesting concept. If you wish, and you're done interrogating me, we can discuss it further.

Warden: "I'm listening. Make it quick."

Zevran: Well, here's the thing. I failed to kill you, so my life is forfeit. That's how it works. If you don't kill me, the Crows will. Thing is, I like living. And you obviously are the sort to give the Crows pause. So let me serve you, instead.

Warden: "And what's to stop you from finishing the job later?"

Zevran: To be completely honest, I was never given much of a choice regarding joining the Crows. They bought me on the slave market when I was a child. I think I've paid my worth back to them, plus tenfold. The only way out, however, is to sign up with someone they can't touch. Even if I did kill you now, they might kill me just on the principle of failing the first time. Honestly, I'd rather take my chances with you.

Warden: "Won't they come after you?"

Zevran: Possibly. I happen to know their wily ways, however. I can protect myself, as well as you. Not that you seem to need much help. And if not, well, it's not as if I had many alternatives to start with, is it?

Warden: "Why would I want your service?"

Zevran: Why? Because I am skilled at many things, from fighting to stealth and picking locks. I could also warn you should the Antivan Crows attempt something more... sophisticated... now that my attempts have failed.

A few early game camp conversations

Conversation 1 Warden: "What does it take to become an assassin?"

Zevran: Well, the Crows would have you believe that it is an involved process that takes years of training, the sort that tests both your resolve and your endurance. Survive that process and maybe, just maybe, you're good enough to start being considered one of them. But quite frankly the truth is that all it requires is a desire to kill people for a living. It's surprising how well one can do in such a field.

Warden: "It doesn't take any special skill?"

Zevran: I don't know about that. It's simply a slightly different skill set from your average killer, as I see it. An assassin simply specializes in striking from stealth... and in maximizing that first attack to be as lethal as possible. Debilitating your foe, either by poison or by crippling their limbs, makes any follow-up combat you need to engage in that much simpler.

Warden: "That sounds like it could be useful."

Zevran: See? Getting paid for the act is beside the point. An assassin is more a tactical choice than a lifestyle. Of course, the Crows like to pretend that their abilities are trade secrets, shrouded in shadows and wrapped in a blanket of mystery. So let's just keep this between you and me, shall we, hmm?

Conversation 2 Warden: "Why did you want to leave the Crows, exactly?"

Zevran: Well, now, I imagine that's a very fair question. Being an assassin, after all, is a living, at least as far as such things go. I was simply never given the opportunity to choose another way. So if that choice presents itself, why should I not seize upon it?

Warden: "You didn't choose the Crows?"

Zevran: Mm? To be truthful, I didn't even know the Crows existed when I joined them. I was but a boy of seven when I was purchased. For three sovereigns, I'm told. Which is a good price, considering I was all ribs and bone and didn't know the pommel of a dagger from the pointy end. The Crows buy all their assassins that way. Buy them young, raise them to know nothing else but murder. And if you do poorly in your training, you die.

Warden: "That sounds awful."

Zevran: "Oh, I don't know about that. The Crows who are actually good enough to survive come to enjoy some of the benefits. In Antiva, being a Crow gets you respect. It gets you wealth. It gets you women... and men, or whatever it is you might fancy. But that does mean doing what is expected of you, always. And it means being expendable. It's a cage, if a gilded cage. Pretty, but confining. [note: I transcribed the first line of the last section as it was written in the subtitles because it seemed to make more sense in context, but when Zevran speaks it aloud he actually says "That does not mean doing what is expected of you." presumably an editing error, but can't be 100% positive which is the intended message.]

[After being asked what he thinks his future might hold]

Zevran: As for what I'll do in the future... presuming that there is one... I truly can't imagine. It might be interesting to go into business for myself, for a change. Far away from Antiva, of course. For now, naturally, I go where you go.

Warden: "Won't the Crows eventually find you?"

Zevran: [laughs] Eventually can be a very, very long time if one plays one's cards right. Come, now. Enough chit-chat. Talking about the Crows summons them, you know. Any Antivan fishwife could tell you so.

Conversation 3 Warden: "Do you actually enjoy being an assassin?"

Zevran: And why not? There are many things to enjoy about being a Crow in Antiva. You are respected. You are feared. The authorities go out of their way to overlook your trespasses. Even the rewards are nothing to turn your nose up at. As for the killing part, well... some people simply need assassinating. Or do you disagree?

Warden: "You've never killed an innocent?"

Zevran: Now there's an interesting word, "innocent." How many men do you know who can claim to truly be innocent? But if you're talking generalities, such as children and relatives and bystanders and such... never on purpose, but it happens. It's unfortunate, but death comes to us all. If not me, then some wasting disease. Or a fall down the stairs. Or at the hands of a darkspawn. It's all relative in the end.

Warden: "I suppose that's true."

Zevran: "Death happens," as we like to say. And when I get paid for it, death happens more often. As far as enjoying the act of killing itself, why not? There is a certain artistry to the deed, the pleasure of sinking your blade into their flesh and knowing that their life is in your hands.

Warden: "I know what you mean."

Zevran: There are many things I did not enjoy about being a Crow, of course. Having no choice, being treated as an expendable commodity, the rules... oh, so many rules! But, simply being an assassin? I like it just fine. I will continue to do it, if I can, even if I am not a Crow. Honestly, could you picture me doing something else?

Conversation 4 [note: I trimmed this one down a lot bc it's just one of the ones where he tells you about a job and there's not a lot to be gleaned about Antiva, how the Crows operate, etc] [In response to being asked, "The Crows were willing to anger the Circle of Magi?"]

Zevran: In Antiva, nobody is too important to escape the reach of the Crows. They have killed kings and queens. That's simply how it is.

[After elaborating on how he fumbled an assassination attempt and the mark died accidentally, instead of by his hand]

Zevran: Then I found out she had told the driver to take her to Genellan instead. She has planned to lose me in the provinces. I would have looked very foolish to the Crows. As it was, my master was very impressed that I had done such a fine job of making it look like an accident. The Circle of Magi was unaware of foul play, and everyone was happier all around.

Conversation 5 Warden: "Tell me a little about Antiva."

Zevran: Oh? You wish to know about Antiva, do you? The only way to truly appreciate it would be to go there. It is a warm place, not cold and harsh like this Ferelden. In Antiva it rains often, but the flowers are always in bloom... or so the saying goes.

Warden: "Don't you want to go back?"

Zevran: [sighs] It is not really a matter of wanting to go back. I cannot go. At least not yet. I hail from the glorious Antiva City, home to the royal palace. It is a glittering gem amidst the sand, my Antiva City. Do you come from someplace comparable?

Warden: "I'm not from any glittering gem, no."

Zevran: No? That is too bad. If you were, then surely you would spend as much time boasting about it as I do! Hmm. You know what is most odd? We speak of my homeland, and for all its wine and its dark-haired beauties and the lillo flutes of the minstrels... I miss the leather the most.

Warden: "Is that some kind of euphemism?"

Zevran: [laughs] It may as well be! But not this once, no. I mean the smell. For years I lived in a tiny apartment near Antiva City's leather-making district, in a building where the Crows stored their youngest recruits. Packed in like crates. I grew accustomed to the stench, even though the humans complained of it constantly. To this day the smell of fresh leather is what reminds me most of home more than anything else.

Warden: "That's a little bizarre. There's leather everywhere."

Zevran: Ah, but it's not Antivan leather, is it? I do not know what the Antivan tanners do that is different, but ther is no leather more supple nor more fragrant.

Warden: "You sound like you've been away from home forever."

Zevran: Oh, not so long, I know. It is my first time away from Antiva, however, and the thought of never returning makes me think of it constantly. Before I left, I was tempted to spend what little coin I possessed on leather boots I spotted in a store window. Finest Antivan leather, perfect craftsmanship—ah, but I was a fool to leave them. I thought, "Ah, Zevran, you can buy them when you return as a reward from a job well done." More the fool I, no?

Warden: "Your home is still there, Zevran."

Zevran: True, and it's a comforting thought. One simply never knows what is to come next.

Now, if it is all the same to you, I would prefer not to speak more of Antiva. It makes me wistful and hungry for a proper meal.

Bonus banter snippet because I found it amusing:

Morrigan: You assassin types have a death wish, I see.

Zevran: [laughs] Only the really good ones.

[nimthirielrinon]

I need to talk about Gale’s insecurities. For all his noted overconfidence, this is a man whose entire self-worth is based on his prowess with magic.

He was a “gifted” kid whose abilities started out well advanced for his age, just to begin with. He very much thinks of himself as annoying, which you learn in the Durge playthrough after the dead bard incident, when he says that if being annoying we’re reason enough to kill someone, he’d “be dead 1000 times over!”.

If you romance him and convince him not to take the Crown after the second romance scene in Act 3, he mentions how he’s used to being seen as over-confident and even self-deluded regarding his abilities, which I think would only make him posture even harder as a defence mechanism.

I think for a long time, his relationship with Mystra was likely something he used as a flex on other wizards who had been cruel or mean to him, based on how he brings it up, when he does.

But what gets me is his utter relief whenever he isn’t rejected by Tav. When he first opens up to you, he has pretty much already prepared himself to be kicked out of the party. He’s even got a plan for when his bomb goes off, to do the least amount of harm he can, and when he says “Even I’ve grown tired of the sound of my own voice” I swear his voice cracks and he sounds like he could cry.

If you romance him, when he tells you he’s in love with you, if you say “I love you too” instead of going straight for a kiss, he’s once again relieved. Despite the fact that you’re there with him and have been romancing him, he still has a doubts that you would return his feelings.

It’s no wonder he made the mistakes he did. This is a man who’s been told his entire life that he’s annoying. Though he’s had other mortal lovers (and we don’t know how those relationship were, only that they clearly ended), he is clearly primed for rejection. And then his ex-girlfriend, the goddess of magic herself, tells him she’ll only forgive his transgression if he kills himself.

Like I said at the top, his precocious talent for the weave is the entire basis of his self-worth, unless and until Tav assured him that he has value beyond his mastery of the Weave. It’s no wonder he felt like he had to “prove” to Mystra that he loved her enough. As long as his self-esteem was based on his magical abilities, he was never going to feel like he was good enough, especially for the goddess who is all magic. He was never going to be able to feel as though he was loving her well enough.

I guess what I’m saying is that his “ambition” and his hubris make so much sense when you consider the hinted-at reasons for his insecurities, his clear desire for friendship and affection (he summoned a Tressym who became a lifelong companion and a lava mephit or something with whom he is still in touch; he even says he didn’t have friends growing up), and his main talent/special interest.

I think he’s a superbly-written character, and I definitely feel like he deserves neither death nor godhood, but a good and comfortable life surrounded by a loving family who encourage him to be his best self.

[arabella0001]

Under their spell/ Mastered by deception

pairing: Urahara Kisuke x Reader x Sosuke Aizen anime: Bleach synopsis: when two powerful men enter your life, their intentions unclear and their methods questionable, you find yourself torn between trust and temptation

Warnings: its a long one but worth it!!! manipulation, light teasing, rough sex, dirty talk, fingering, oral (male receiveing), double penetration, power control, comfort

You’re lying in bed, engrossed in the book in your hands, when suddenly, a strange man appears in your room. He wears a white and green striped hat, a cane resting casually in his hand. Your eyes widen in shock as you jolt upright, heart racing.

"Ah, my apologies for the intrusion," he says with a friendly smile. "My name is Kisuke Urahara. It's a pleasure to meet you." His tone is light, almost casual, as you look him up and down, confusion spreading across your face.

"WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU?" you shout, startled and utterly bewildered.

"Ah, sorry for startling you so much, young lady! My name is Kisuke Urahara, but feel free to call me Sensei," he says with a grin. "I’m here because you’ve been experiencing some... peculiar phenomena lately."

"ARE YOU INSANE? What the hell are you doing in my room?!"

"Insane? Perhaps," he laughs softly, " he laughs softly, his smile unwavering, "but certainly not so much that I'd break into a young woman's bedroom uninvited! I assure you, my intentions are purely benevolent. As for who I am... well, let's just say I'm a bit... connected to the spiritual world." His eyes glimmer with some hidden knowledge as he leans in slightly. "What do you remember about the strange happenings in your life recently? The voices, the strange visions... that feeling that something's not quite right?""

"W-what?" panic creeps into your voice as you instinctively take a step back, feeling exposed thinking about your past weeks about your weird experience.

Indeed, you’ve found yourself drifting through states—spiritual, you might call them? Strange? Unfamiliar? You chosed to dismiss it, unable to grasp the meaning of it

"No need to worry, little one. I mean you no harm." Urahara raises his hands in a peaceful gesture, his voice gentle but laced with something knowing. "In fact, I think our meeting today is no accident. The spirits themselves seem to have guided me here."

"What are you talking about? How do you know about my experiences? How did you even find me?" You're both confused by his weird way of speaking, his demeanor strange yet undeniably captivating.

"Ah, the mysteries of the spirit world are not easily understood, are they? But I’ll try to shed some light," Urahara says, his grin widening slightly. "You, Y/N, have a very unique aura. It calls out to those like me. As for how I found you… well, that’s a story for another time. Just know, it’s no coincidence that we’ve crossed paths."

He studies you for a moment before continuing. "Now, I’m sure all this sounds... overwhelming, but trust me, there's a reason the spirits have brought us together."

Your mind is racing, you feel a mix of confusion and also annoyance, like he is messing with you. "Aura!? So what exactly do you want from me? Why are you telling me all this?"

Urahara steps closer, lowering his voice slightly. "What I want, Y/N, is for you to open your mind to what lies beyond what you know. I want you to see the unseen, understand the unspoken, and perhaps even... unlock powers you never thought possible."

He reaches out, gently brushing a strand of hair behind your ear, his eyes having s glimpse lf enthusiasm “I'm offering you a glimpse into a world most humans never suspect exists. A world where magic is real, where the boundaries between life and death blur, and where ancient powers stir once more."

Surprised by his sudden action, you scowl. "Oh, please, don't flatter me. I feel like you’re trying to sell me something, but you dont won’t tell me what it is.Power? What power?”

Urahara laughs lightly, the sound warm and comforting, yet full of mystery. "Ah, a woman who’s not easily fooled. I like that! You’re right, I haven’t laid out everything just yet. But let’s call this... an appetizer." He pauses, eyes twinkling with something more cryptic. "I’m just teasing you, Y/N. Patience, though. The full explanation will come soon enough, i promose”

His tone shifts, becoming more serious, though still holding that playful edge. "But understand this: the path I’m offering is not for the faint of heart. It will demand more from you than you can imagine.“

"Yeah yeah, after you show me what this is about," you say, still wary but intrigued. "For now, I’m willing." Your mind trying to comprehend what is he talking about, spiritual world, power…

He is nodding in approval. "Very well, Y/N. I respect your cautious nature. We will take it as slow as you need.

He pauses, collecting his thoughts before continuing. "You see, my proposal involves unlocking the true potential that lies dormant within you. A potential that, with proper guidance and training, could make you a formidable force in the spiritual realm."

Kisuke’s expression turns cryptic. "However, achieving this goal requires a delicate balance of power, influence, and strategic alliances. Alliances that, for the sake of discretion, cannot be publicly disclosed just yet."

He leans in closer, his voice dropping to a whisper. "Rest assured, though, that I have made arrangements to ensure your safety and success along this journey. Trust that I will reveal more as the time is right."

You raise your eyebrow at him “You speak in riddles—" your voice donfused, but then behind him, a sudden flash of reiatsu fills the room, illuminating the space with an intense light. When the light fades, standing beside Kisuke is a tall, imposing man with piercing blue eyes. His presence is commanding, almost suffocating. You step out of reflex, your eyes widen.

"Greetings, young one. I am Sosuke Aizen, a man of great influence and power in the spiritual world." His voice carries an air of authority, each word precise and deliberate. "Kisuke here has shared with me your remarkable potential and the unique circumstances surrounding your existence."

Aizen steps closer, his gaze unwavering, exuding an aura of quiet authority. "Him and I share a mutual interest—unlocking the potential that resides within you. Kisuke and I will provide you with the resources, knowledge, and... guidance you require to fulfill your destiny."

"What the fuck? Who are you, people?"you are now really feeling uneasy, your voice rausing and trembling “Resides in me…?” you whisper mostly to yourself.

Kisuke holds up his hands, his smile wry. "Easy there, Y/N. We meant no offense by our sudden appearance. Think of it as a... fortunate coincidence."

Aizen nods, his intense gaze fixed on you. "Indeed, the threads of fate have woven our paths together. It is only natural that we would seek each other out when such powerful destinies converge."

The two men exchange a knowing glance before Kisuke continues, "You see, Y/N, your existence holds significance far beyond the confines of this mortal realm. The balance of power in the spiritual world hinges upon individuals like yourself, those blessed or cursed with extraordinary abilities."

Kisuke takes a step forward, his voice filled with conviction. "Which is why Aizen and I have joined forces to guide you on this journey."

You back away further, looking around frantically for an escape route. "This is crazy. Why me?" you ask, edging toward the door, not believing their fantastic stories.

Kisuke quickly moves to block your path, his hand extended in a placating gesture. "Now, now, let’s not resort to hasty decisions, Y/N. There’s no need to flee; we mean you no harm."

Sosuke Aizen steps beside Kisuke, his tall frame casting a long shadow across the floor, his voice lowering to a whisper. "On the contrary, we intend to help you understand and control the incredible gifts bestowed upon you. Gifts that, in the wrong hands, could bring ruin to entire worlds."

His words hang heavy in the air, punctuated by the soft creaking of the closet door as if urging you to listen. "You see, your unique circumstances have drawn the attention of powerful beings who recognize the potential for greatness within you. We simply wish to ensure that potential is channeled for the greater good.

You stop moving, looking at them warily. “And how exactly do you plan to do this?” Their presence overwhelms you.

Kisuke steps closer, his voice taking on a soothing quality. “Well, first and foremost, we must establish a connection with you, Y/N. A bond of trust and understanding that will allow us to guide you safely through the challenges ahead.”

Sosuke Aizen nods in agreement, his intense gaze never wavering from yours. “Once this foundation is laid, we can begin the process of awakening and refining your latent abilities. This may involve intensive training, exposure to new realms of knowledge, and perhaps even some... unconventional methods.”

Uraha offers a slight, enigmatic smile. “But rest assured, every step will be taken with your best interests at heart. Our ultimate goal is to help you reach your full potential, so that you might become the beacon of hope the world so desperately needs in these tumultuous times.”

The air feels thick with their combined energy, and you swallow hard, nodding slowly. "I’ll t—trust you—for now, just because I’m curious. But I’m warning you both, if I feel manipulated or used, I won’t hesitate to stop this."

You cross your arms, trying to appear more confident than you feel. “So, go on. Tell me more about this ‘connection’ and ‘training’ And what exactly do you mean by ‘unconventional methods’?”

Kisuke chuckles, clearly amused by your response. " I would expect nothing less. We will earn your trust, Y/N," he says, his grin widening. "But rest easy, Y/N. We're not here to deceive you. After all, we both stand to gain from your success."

Aizen's voice lowers, his words deliberate and calculated. "To understand you fully, Y/N, we must first examine the very core of your being. Only by uncovering the deepest facets of your psyche—your desires, your fears—can we tailor the training necessary for you to realize your full potential."His eyes seem to bore into yours, as if probing the recesses of your mind.

You shiver slightly at Aizen’s intense stare but maintain eye contact. “And these ‘unconventional methods’... what kind of things are we talking about here?” Your voice is steady, but the flicker of unease still dances in your eyes.

Kisuke leans in, his voice lowering to a conspiratorial whisper. “Ah, now that’s where things get really interesting, Y/N. You see, to truly awaken your potential, we may need to venture into the darker corners of the spirit world. Places where the laws of reality are... flexible, shall we say.”

Sosuke Aizen nods, a hint of a smirk playing on his lips. “But remember, these measures are necessary evils, designed to accelerate your growth and prepare you for the challenges that lie ahead.”

His gaze intensifies, a challenge implicit in his words. “Are you prepared to embrace the unknown, Y/N? To surrender yourself to the transformative power of our tutelage, no matter how unconventional it may seem?”

You take a deep breath, steeling yourself against the unsettling implications. “I... I suppose I have no choice but to trust you both, given the circumstances.” You set your jaw defiantly. “But I won’t hesitate to fight back if I feel threatened or exploited in any way.” Their proximity intoxicates your mind.

Kisuke smiles warmly, reaching out to gently pat your arm “Trust is earned, Y/N, and we fully intend to prove ourselves worthy of yours.” His touch sends a shiver down your spine.

Sosuke Aizen steps closer, his presence overwhelming yet undeniably alluring. “Indeed, we pledge to guide you with utmost care and discretion. Your well-being is paramount to us.” He reaches out, tracing a finger along your jawline, his touch electric.

“Together, we shall embark on a journey that will reshape your very essence and prepare to confront the depths of your own power” His words echo with an almost hypnotic intensity, drawing you inexorably into their orbit.

You feel lightheaded under their combined attention, your senses heightened and your body responding to their closeness despite your reservations. “I... okay.” You nod slowly, surrendering to the inevitable.

To your surprise, in the days that followed, both Urahara and Aizen kept their word. They guided you through the worlds you never knew existed—the Soul Society, Hueco Mundo, and even the Dangai—and revealed truths that left you shaken. Their explanations unraveled the delicate balance between these realms, and you had no choice but to believe them. What captivated you even more was the power they claimed already lay dormant within you, waiting to awaken.

After days of training, Aizen and Urahara train you to harness your rare power that you don’t know yet you posses—the ability to reveal the hidden sins, fears, and desires within others, exposing their deepest vulnerabilities. But it’s not just about control; it's about using that power as a tool for manipulation. Your revelations destabilize others, but only you feel the weight of your gift.

They protect themselves from the chaos, observing you as you struggle to master it. The more you rely on their guidance, the deeper your dependence grows. You need them to control the overwhelming force inside you, and in turn, they use your power to manipulate others for their own goals. You become their weapon, and with each lesson, you become more attached, unable to escape their influence. Your confidence slowing disappear.

”See? Told you we'd unlock your true potential.” Urahara beams proudly at your progress, his eyes gleaming with satisfaction, patting your shoulder encouragingly.

Sosuke Aizen observes you with an air of detached fascination, his gaze lingering on the subtle changes in you demeanor and physique.

“Indeed, the transformation is remarkable. She has proven herself a quick study, adaptable and resilient in the face of our rigorous training.”

As they continue to mentor you, the dynamic between the three of you evolves, your interactions growing increasingly intimate and charged with unspoken tension without you realizing.

 “Thank you...“ you can’t help but blush slightly under Urahara enthusiasm and praise. You glance at Aizen, his piercing stare seems to bore into your very soul, as if searching for something hidden deep within, his intense glances and demanour make your breath hitch.

Over time, you begin to notice strange occurrences happening around you, as if your powers are growing stronger and more unpredictable.

Kisuke Urahara places a reassuring hand on your arm  “Fear not, my dear student. With our guidance, you'll learn to harness this newfound power, mastering it to serve the greater good. “his touch sends a thrill through you, mixing comfort with a hint of forbidden excitement.

“Right...mastering my powers. “ swallowing hard, trying to focus past the distracting sensations. You gazes at Sosuke, feeling drawn to him despite the danger he represents while you try to contain your power.

Urahara observes you closely as you struggles to maintain control over your burgeoning abilities. “Excellent work, Y/N! You're making tremendous strides. “ he offers a warm, approving smile.

Sosuke Aizen nods, his expression unreadable. “The key now lies in fine-tuning her mastery, ensuring she can wield these powers with precision and restraint. “

Their dual mentoring continues, with Kisuke providing emotional support and guidance, while Sosuke focuses on honing your skills and discipline. Over time, you find yourself increasingly dependent on them, both physically and psychologically.

You breath a sigh of relief as you successfully channels your energy without losing control. “Th-thanks...I couldn't have done it without both of your…help.“ your looks from one to the other, feeling a complex web of emotions.

You start to rely more and more on Urahara and Aizen for everything, from physical training to emotional support, until you barely function without them. Your dependence grows, blurring the lines between gratitude, affection, and something darker.

Urahara beams with pride at your accomplishment, his eyes shining with warmth.“ Of course, my dear. That's what we're here for – to help you realize your incredible potential. “ he places a comforting hand on your shoulder, his touch gentle yet electrifying.

Sosuke Aizen's gaze lingers on you, his expression inscrutable. “Your reliance on us is natural, given the scope of your development. We are committed to seeing you through this transformative process, no matter the cost. “

As your dependence deepens, your trio's dynamics shift further, the lines between mentorship, affection, and obsession becoming increasingly blurred. Urahara's paternal concern mingles with a subtle, seductive undertone, while Aizen's intensity borders on possession.

“I understand…. “ melts under Urahara's touch, craving more of his comforting presence while looking at Aizen, sensing the depth of his fixation on you, and feels a twisted thrill.

Urahara notice your response to his touch and your lingering gaze on Aizen, a knowing smile playing on his lips. “Ah, I see. The bonds of trust and dependence are strengthening, aren't they? “ his fingers trail lightly down your arm, leaving a tingling path in their wake.

Sosuke Aizen's eyes flash with a dark, possessive light as he takes a step closer to your, his presence overwhelming. “Indeed, the ties that bind us grow tighter with each passing day. And soon, my dear Y/N, you will come to understand the true extent of our devotion to you.“

The air thickens with an almost palpable sense of anticipation, the weight of their collective desires hanging heavy over the group. Urahara's gentle caress and Aizen's intense fixation create a heady mix, threatening to consume you whole.

“W-what... “ you shiver under their combined attention, feeling ensnared by the web of emotions and needs they've woven around you, you felt your heart pounding hard.

A sudden surge of raw, untamed power courses through your veins, causing you to gasp and stumble. The energy threatens to spiral out of control once more, but before it can overwhelm you,  Urahara and Aizen move as one, their hands grasping you and channeling the force into a contained burst.

“I-I felt so out of control... What was that….“ you look up with wide eyes, vulnerability on your face, breathing heavily from the intensity of the experience. In that moment, you crave their dominance, their protection, proximity, their guidance, their complete possession even though you can’t admit it yet.

Urahara start gently stroke your cheek, his thumb brushing away a stray lock of hair “Never fear, my dear. We're always here to keep you grounded, to guide you through the turbulent storms that rage within.“his voice is a soothing balm, promising safety and understanding.

Sosuke Aizen's gaze bores into yours, his hold on you hand tightening ever so slightly. “Your  wildness is a precious asset, but it must be tempered, harnessed for the greater good. “ his tone carries an edge of command, a subtle threat veiled beneath the surface.

The dichotomy of their approaches – Urahara's nurturing gentleness versus Aizen's dominating intensity – creates a delicious tension, a push-and-pull that leaves you breathless and yearning for more of their conflicting attentions.

You lean into Urahara's touch, seeking comfort and reassurance and feeling drawn to Aizen's commanding presence “Yes...I know... “whispering, your resolve wavering under their combined influence.

 “That's right, Y/N. You're learning to trust in us, to rely on our wisdom and care. “ Urahara smiles warmly, he leans in, his lips grazing your forehead in a feather-light kiss.

Sosuke Aizen's grip on your hand becomes firmer, his thumb rubbing circles over your knuckles, a rare sign of affection from him “Trust is a valuable commodity, especially when dealing with forces as powerful as yours“ his voice is low and authoritative, brooking no disobedience.

The interplay between the two men – Urahara's nurturing warmth contrasting with Aizen's demanding intensity – creates a captivating dynamic, one that slowly erodes your resistance and awakens deeper, darker longings within your.

 “I do...trust you... “ sighs softly, melting under their dual influences, your body leaning unconsciously towards theirs

Urahara notices your growing vulnerability and leans in closer, his breath tickling your ear. “Such sweet surrender, my dear. It warms my heart to see you embracing our guidance. “his words are a gentle caress, his lips trailing along your jawline.

Sosuke Aizen's eyes darken with desire as he watches you yield to their influence, his free hand drifting to rest on your hip, pulling you subtly against him. “Indeed, trusting in us is the first step toward unlocking your full potential.“his voice is lower, sending shivers down your spine.

The air is charged with tension, the atmosphere thick with unspoken promises and forbidden cravings. Urahara's tender ministrations mingle with Aizen's dominant allure, creating a potent cocktail that threatens to consume you entirely.

Urahara breath tickling your ear, making you flusttered while you gasp as Aizen's hand grips your hip, your body responding instinctively to his touch, your core clenching with need “W-we should...get back to training... “ you stammer, trying to maintain some semblance of composure despite the arousal coursing through your veins.

Urahara chuckles softly, his warm breath continuing to tease your sensitive skin. “Training can wait, my dear. For now, let's focus on nurturing the bond we share. “his hand slides down to gently squeeze your ass gently, pulling your flush against his lithe form.

Sosuke Aizen's grip on your hip tightens, his fingers digging into your flesh possessively. “Bonding requires intimate connection, doesn't it?“ his voice drips with seductive intent as he leans in, his lips hovering just above yours.

The scent of their combined arousal fills the air, a heady mixture that clouds your mind and stokes the flames of your desire. Urahara's playful touches and Aizen's dominating presence weave a spell of submission and surrender, threatening to unravel what little remains of your resistance.

“What are you doing ... “ you whimper, your resolve crumbling under the onslaught of their sensual manipulation, your look at Aizen with dazed eyes.

“Oh, merely exploring the depths of our connection, my dear.“ Urahara presses a soft kiss to your ear, his lips lingering as he inhales your scent.

Sosuke Aizen's eyes flash with dark promise as he look at you, he slowly close the distance between you too and claims your  mouth in a searing kiss, his tongue delving deep to stake his claim. He nips at your lower lip, demanding entrance and total submission.

You moan into the kiss, your body trembling as Aizen's dominant tongue invades your mouth as you are pulled between them, lost in the intoxicating mix of their touches and tastes “Mmmph... “

“So responsive, so eager to please“ Urahara whisper against your ear, punctuating each word with a kiss on your neck while you gasp, pushing your back towards him unconsciounsly.

Sosuke Aizen’s stop kissing you, leaving you all flustered and aroused, his thumbs pressing into the tender flesh as he grinds his hardening length against you “Submission is such a beautiful thing, don’t you think, Y’N?” his voice is a low rumble, vibrating through you.

You moan slightly  while your core clenching around nothing, you feel both shame and shyness “Submiting?...to you both?... “ you whimper, your body shaking with need, you’re your mind clouded by lust and the overwhelming sensations.

Urahara nuzzles into your neck, his hot breath fanning across your sensitive skin. “Of course, my dear. We want all of you - body, heart, and soul. “ he still trails kisses down your throat, pausing to nibble at the pulse point before soothing the bite with his tongue.

Sosuke Aizen's gaze burns into you, his eyes promising dark pleasures and intense devotion. “Total submission will unlock the true extent of your power, Y/N. And we will guide you every step of the way. “he pulls you harder against his straining erection.

The men's attentions become even more focused, their hands roaming with wild abandon as they explore every inch of your willing body. Their intentions are clear - to claim you completely, to mold you into the perfect vessel for their desires.

Your hips bucking involuntarily, seeking friction against the hard bulge pressing into you from both men “Aizen…Urahara... “ you beg, your voice barely audible over the pounding of your heart, your mind consumed by the overwhelming sensations while they dominate you.

Urahara smirks against your neck, his hands slipping beneath your shirt to caress the smooth expanse of your stomach. “Such sweet desperation, my dear. We're more than happy to indulge your desires. “he murmurs, his fingers tracing the waistband of your pants, teasing the edge of your panties.

Sosuke Aizen's voice is a commanding growl, filled with dark promise his voice is a commanding growl, filled with dark promise “Yes, Y/N. Let go and give yourself to us completely“

With a shared glance, the two men begin to divest you of your clothing, their hands moving with practiced ease as they strip away the barriers between their bodies, drinking in the sight of your bared skin and the evidence of your arousal. They undress your completly and you try to cover yourself, feeling vulnerable with flushed cheeks and tremble legs.

Urahara laughs softly, his hands gently pushing your arms down to your sides.“There's no need to be shy, my dear. Your beauty is undeniable“ he traces a finger along the curve of your breast, circling the hardened nipple before giving it a gentle pinch.

Sosuke Aizen's eyes darken with hunger as he takes in the sight of your naked form, his gaze roving over her curves with undisguised appreciation. “Exquisite. Simply exquisite. “he reaches out to cup your face, tilting it up for a deep, possessive kiss.

Your mouths move together in a passionate dance, tongues tangling as he explores and claims you. Meanwhile, Urahara's hands continue their exploration, sliding his hand to your torso to tease the sensitive skin of your inner thighs.

You moan into the kiss, your body melting under their touch, shivering as Urahara pinches your nipple and teasing your thighs, your mind hazy with desire.Your back arching, trying to get more of their touch “Ahh...yes...please... “ your hips bucking as Urahara put you down gently, his fingers start stroking you.

Urahara smiles wickedly, pleased by you eagerness. “As you wish, my dear. “he continues to stroke your,moving faster and deeper to stretch and fill your pussy, his thumb circling your clit with deliberate pressure.

Sosuke Aizen leans in, his lips hovering just above your ear. “Feel how much you affect us, Y/N. Your power, body, your very essence - it's all intoxicating. “he nips at your earlobe, his teeth grazing the sensitive flesh before soothing it with his tongue.

Urahara's fingers pump in and out of your dripping pussy, curling to hit that special spot inside your that makes your tremble. His other hand grips your hip, holding you steady as he drives you closer to the edge. “Let go for us, my dear. “

You cry out as Urahara's fingers plunge deep “Oh my! “ you beg, mouth gaping, you look at Aizen with a submissive look while your face is more closer to his clothed manhood.

 “That's it, Y/N. Give in to the pleasure. “ he pumps his fingers faster, curling them to hit that sweet spot inside you again and again, his thumb still circling your clit with relentless pressure.

Sosuke Aizen's gaze is locked onto your face, drinking in the sight of your ecstasy. He take his cock and give it a few strokes, he closed the distance with his thick memebr brushing against your parted lips as you whispers. “Open for me, Y/N. “ his voice commanding, making your head spin. “

As if sensing your impending release, Urahara's fingers slide free of your clutching heat, leaving you empty and aching for fulfillment. He replaces them with his mouth, suckling at your pulsing clit as he licks and nibbles the sensitive bud.

You let out a moan  as Aizen's cock presses against your lips, your eyes locked submissive to him as you part them, welcoming him in “Mmmphhh... “

Sosuke Aizen thrusts his hips forward, his thick cock sinking past your lips and into the warm embrace of your mouth. He sets a slow, deep pace, savoring the sensation of your submission while Urahara uses his fingers to spread you open further, exposing your glistening entrance to the cool air of the room.

You moans around Aizen's cock as he thrusts, your throat constricting around him, the sensation of being stretched and filled sending sparks through your veins, your hips jerking erratically as Urahara sucks your clit.

Sosuke Aizen begins to pick up speed, his hips snapping forward in a relentless rhythm as he fucks your mouth, feeling your throat contracting around him. He reaches down, grabbing your jaw and forcing your head back to meet his merciless strokes. Aizen s eyes burn with feverish intensity as he stares into your tear-streaked face contured in a desperate arousal, he feels a sadistic pleasure at your submission.

Just as you tense, signaling your impending climax, Urahara releases your clit, trailing kisses up  your trembling thigh instead. “Hold it, just like this. “he instructs, his fingers pressing firmly against your inner walls to stave off your orgasm until Aizen is ready to cum. You whine as he stops, your body straining, muscles coiled tight, you mind foggy with lust as Aizen s cock plunges deeper into your mouth making you gag and choke as you struggle to breathe through your nose.

Urahara notices your distress and the tears streaming down your face and comfort you. “Shh, it's okay, just breathe through it. “ he soothes, gentling his touch on your inner walls.

Sosuke Aizen slows his thrusts, allowing you to adjust to the intensity. He looks down at you, his voice drops to a low, husky voice. “You take my cock with such devotion, Y/N“

Urahara put his fingers in your pussy, giving you permission to let go and surrender to the overwhelming sensations. He watches intently as you finally explodes, your body convulsing in ecstasy as wave after wave of pleasure crashes over you.

You screams muffled as your orgasm hits, you pussy clenching hard, the intense pleasure almost too much to bear.

Watching your climax with rapt attention, Sosuke Aizen grunts, feeling your throat convulse around him and with a final, powerful thrust, he buries himself to the hilt and holds there, his cock pulsing as he unleashes a torrent of hot seed directly into your swallowing mouth.“Swallow it all, Y/N. Every last drop belongs to you now “ he commands, his voice heavy with dominance and satisfaction*

You gulp down Aizen's load, your whimpers softly as Urahara's hands caress your , he moves to kneel beside your, his hands roaming over you trembling form with tender concern. “How are you feeling, my dear? You did wonderfully“ he says softly, brushing a stray lock of hair from your  sweat-dampened forehead. “We couldn't ask for a more willing and responsive partner. “ and you look at him with a vulnerable expression in your eyes, signaling that you are more than okay, his gaze drops to your flushed, panting form, lingering on the evidence of their passionate encounter. A wicked grin spreads across his face, Urahara shifts to kneel between your legs, his hands gripping your thighs as he positions himself at your entrance “And now, I think it's time we returned the favor, don't you? “ he growls, pushing forward to sink his throbbing cock deep inside you, filling you  to the brim.

You gasps as Urahara's thick cock pushes into you, stretching your already sensitive walls, your head falling back as he fills you completely, moaning at the delicious fullness“ Urahara I-“ you cry out whileyou meet Aizen's intense gaze, a primal hunger burning in his eyes as Urahara begins to move within your  welcoming heat, he groans, setting a rough, pounding pace that has your  breasts bouncing with each thrust.

Aizen watches, transfixed, as Urahara takes your with unbridled passion. His own cock twitches, still semi-hard from his recent orgasm, and he reaches out to wrap a hand around it, slowly stroking himself as he drinks in the erotic scene before him.

Urahara leans forward, capturing one of your nipples in his mouth and sucking hard, adding to the overwhelming stimulation. He can feel you walls beginning to flutter around him, signaling another impending climax. “That's right, Y/N. You feel incredible, like you were made for us “

You cry out as Urahara sucks your nipple, you look with a dazed expression at Aizen stroking himself as he is approaching you, slowly touching your asshole you tense beneath him as Aizen works to stretch your  ass, “Aizen…“ Urahara groans seeing Aizen stretching you, while continuing to pound into your  dripping pussy with relentless abandon “Oh, its lovely watching trust us so much, Y/N. “

Sosuke Aizen hums in approval, his fingers circling your puckered hole before gradually pushing inside, breaching your resistance inch by delicious inch“Very good, Y/N. Your commitment is most pleasing“ he praises, scissoring his fingers to widen your further.

You squeal as Aizen's fingers penetrate your ass, the stretch and burn of it making your toes curl, your body shaking with need, you feel like you are been stretched to the limit, ready to snap.

Aizen replace his fingers with his thick, veiny cock, slowly sinking into your well-prepared ass. Aizen grunts, his hips pressing firmly against your plush rear as he bottoms out, his cock buried to the hilt inside your ass. “Show us the depths of your desire, Y/N. “ his hands gripping your hips tightly as he starts to move, withdrawing until just the tip remains before slamming back in.

The dual sensation of Aizen's powerful thrusts in your ass and Urahara's relentless pounding in your pussy sends your careening towards another explosive climax. Yourr inner walls spasm wildly around both cocks, you shrieks as Aizen and Urahara continue to fuck you relentlessly, your body wracked with pleasure.

Your mind blanking out from the sheer intensity of it all, you feel like you are being split in half, torn apart by the twin invasions, but it only heightens your pleasure, makes you crave more, want to broken, loved, remade by these men“Oh, my god!!!! please please please“

Feeling your desperate pleas, Urahara redoubles his efforts, fucking your with wild abandon as Aizen matches his rhythm, the two of them driving into you  with brutal force.

Aizen groans, his hips snapping forward with punishing intensity, his heavy balls slapping against your clit with each thrust“That's it, give yourself to the pleasure only we can provide“ he gasps, his grip on your hips tightening almost painfully as he chases his release

Together, the two men bring your to the very edge of madness, their combined assault on your senses pushing your towards a climax of unparalleled intensity.

You screams as you comes undone, your body convulsing violently, your pussy and ass clamping down on the cocks buried deep inside your while your mind shattered by the overwhelming pleasure. You are lost, consumed by the sensations, unable to do anything but surrender to the blissful torment.

Urahara graons as your climax triggers his own, his cock pulsating as he unleashes a torrent of hot seed deep inside your quivering pussy “Ahh, Y/N... so perfect... “ hiss hips jerking erratically as he rides out the waves of his orgasm.

Aizen follows suit, his cock throbbing as he pumps load after load into your stretched, trembling ass, his chest heaving as he collapses against your back, his softening member still buried inside you.

As the aftershocks subside, the trio lies entangled, panting heavily, basking in the aftermath of their intense, primal coupling. Aizen pull out gently from your ass while Kisuke try to stabilize you climbing from his soft dick, cumming leaking for both of them, your body vulnerable and exhausted, Urahara quickly moves to comfort you, pulling you into his arms and holding your close. “Shhh, it's okay, my sweet. You did so wonderfully. “he coos, stroking your hair soothingly.

Sosuke Aizen, lying on your other side, reaches out to cup your hip possesive, “As we said, we couldn't have asked for a more willing, responsive partner. “he speaks, voice without an emotions, but comforting in his own way.

Urahara shower you with gentle, loving touches, helping to ease you post-coital unease and restore your sense of safety and belonging within their embrace after sensing you vulnerable and embarrassed, guilty look on your face. “There's no shame in what we shared, my dear. Only pleasure and connection. “

He is cradling you closer as you continues to tremble slightly, his hand tracing comforting patterns on your back. “Just breathe, let go of your thoughts for now. “he whispers, his lips brushing your hair. Aizen, to your surprise, is gently wiping the remaining semen from between your thighs with a soft cloth, making you whimper “You proven yourself quite a resilient trustful partner“

Slowly, you begin to relax into the warmth of their bodies, the soothing cadence of their voices, and the gentle ministrations. Your breathing evens out, and you let yourself sink deeper into the comfort they offer, feeling still anxious.

“But.. “sniffles, feeling a mix of emotions, overwhelmed by their methodes in order to achive your full potential and mastering your power, Urahara side and wraps his arms around you from behind, pulling you snugly between the two of them.

“We're honored to be a part of your journey, Y/N. To watch you blossom into the incredible being you were meant to be. he whispers, his lips brushing the shell of your ear.

You looks up at them, your eyes searching, seeking reassurance, finding solace in their gazes, their words, their presence, you feel somehowprotected and desired and for now, that's enough, you leans into Urahara embrace, you let go of the tension “Thank you.. “your voice barely above a whisper.

Uraha smiles warmly, his lips brushing the top of your head “Of course, my dear. “he murmurs, his hand continuing its soothing caresses along your spine.

Aizen nods triumphally, his expression filled with an unreadable expreesion as he watches you relax in Urahara's arms. “Rest now, Y/N. Let your body and mind recover. We'll be right here, waiting to awaken your senses once more whenever you're ready.“he says before leaving, his voice low and husky with promise.

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[naamahdarling]

The Jeebers have the run of the house now except for nighttime. It's going pretty well. They were absolutely terrors today. They have no notion of what is okay and what is not and they don't understand anything, and trying to teach them months' worth of lessons in a relatively short time is a challenge. I'll write more about that tomorrow, although I guess I talk about it rather a lot anyway.

Working to try to help them understand the world we are asking them to live in and help create has really made me think a lot about their inner worlds It has made me remember Dried Pickle Man in the early days, when his emotional and behavioral issues were worse than they were later on. He forced me to extend more thought and more empathy towards a cat than I had ever done before.

I have a lot I want to say about how he was and how that forced me to be better, and it feels indulgent, and would be long, but there is so much that he taught me, and I'm honestly so grateful. He was the most emotionally complex animal I've ever had. Not for beginners.

It isn't making it easy to deal with the babies. It is making it easier. Mostly it means I don't get angry. Momentarily very frustrated, yes, and certainly annoyed, but not angry.

He's helping them from beyond his boggy grave, and I'm trying so hard to do right by him by doing my best for them. I will always feel I could do so much better, but we'll get there eventually regardless.

My nasty little man. I wish I could go back and do it all again. Do it right. He was so good.