#to me aria seems too small of a character to add in

[nebulanewts]

…so in other news I’ve been thinking about this for a while this since it’s a semi-popular theory that’s been floating around a lot

For me personally,I’m leaning towards no bc why would they hide it this much?? And they only opened auditions for one new character,so if it was someone new they would’ve been announced already :/ does that make sense? I’m ok with being wrong,like there’s definitely hints but even then idk if they will…but then again,I WAS wrong about Wien not joining so 🤷‍♀️ you never know,feel free to explain why bc again all of it is just very interesting to me

[nohrenvia]

deus et tricae

ー Synopsis: T'was merely a game of cards, played for the old times' sake. But, what are they betting on? What are the stakes? It's surely not money.

ー Characters: Bria Adal (@mrsgiovanna), Aria Pamina Hertz (@theclairedelunemiracle), Angelica Spade

a/n. It's my first time writing a fic for oc's! Therefore, forgive me if there is any inaccuracies in the writing. And also, happy late birthday to our dearest Ari, @theclairedelunemiracle~♡

♤ Nohr ♤

Queen?

No, no, no. That's a king.

Oh dear, why was it so hard to obtain a queen from a stack of cards?

Luck is not on Angelica's side today.

"My, my. You're on a clear streak, Bria. I have lost Lady Luck's favor for today, it seems." Angelica sighed, to her chagrin, another three pair cards ended in the black haired woman's hands, making Bria the winner.

The young Spade's chin rests on the palm of her hand, her eyes peers to the side, "Aria, wouldn't it be better for you to sit on a chair rather than standing still while the game is on?"

Aria only smiled, giggling. Her grey orbs reflects the chandelier's light, "You don't have to worry about me. I'm fine like this. Besides, it prevents both of you from peeking into my cards."

"Me? Cheating? I would never!"

"Lies." Bria grinned, her eyes sharp as ever.

"You don't trust me, Bria?" Angelica faked a pout.

"I wouldn't trust someone who drained 3 casinos dry while working under Polpo."

"Touchè."

The next round, a lot of chips were put into the pot. One chip does not equals money, well, not always... However, the chips were valuable enough because one represents something precious. Whether it would be luxurious goods, information, secrets, favors, all of them are valuable in their own way. One thing Angelica won't bet is life, not since Don Giovanna gave her an ultimatum if she ever wager that sort of thing.

Anways, the previous round was finished. It is time to move onto the last round. The cards were shuffled, courtesy of Aria, the current dealer, then divided into among the women, with a stack of cards on the side of the table.

Next, the Aria "burned" away a card from the stack, laying them bare on the table to start the next game.

"Since you are the birthday girl, Miss Hertz. Why don't you go first?" Angelica tapped her index finger on the table, waiting for the blonde haired woman to bet.

"My birthday was a few days ago, you know that."

"Oh, it doesn't matter, just this once. Pretty please, dear~? Go on! Go first, Ari!"

Without further ado, Aria pondered for a moment before she laid three blue chips in the middle of the table, "Bet. We're betting gold on this round."

"Sounds perfect. The glitter of gold in my room were plenty, but they were a little bit too much..." Bria trailed off, remembering how her room is filled with opulence of gold and silver.

"Courtesy of the Don, yes?" The blonde inquires with a smirk, "Giorno definitely spoiling his wife rotten." She chuckles, teasing the already blushing Bria.

"Q-Quit it!" The donna cleared her throat, the crack in her voice only encouraged Angelica and Aria to add fuel to the fire. But, no, that would be another story, now is not the time.

"Raise. Five gold bars," Bria shoved a stack of red chips, "Your turn, Spade."

Angelica thinks deeply, putting on her best poker face, she really dislikes this. Not because the game isn't fun but because she couldn't use La Vie En Rose to cheat. Her body is itching for a chance to cheat considering it is a habit of hers in casinos, gambling dens, and small gambles alike.

Her experience of gambling has made her believe that in every person, only two entities could stand behind them. God or Tricks.

"Call. 5 gold. I bet off my pure gold bars, ladies. Not the cheap ones." Angelica dropped a stack of black chips, "Damn... Pannacotta would kill me for this."

"Oh nonsense, he wouldn't mind if you bet off a few gold from your vault." Bria scanned over the cards on the table after Aria took another one from the stack and placed it on the table, creating a row.

"He would, though. He is not as patient as Aria's lover after all." Angelica sighed, but it wasn't an insult for Fugo. Strangely, a tint of blush spread through her cheeks when she mentions Fugo isn't a patient man..... how weird.

"Oh, for God's sake. Just forget the chips." Bria exclaimed, "Why don't we bet something without it for the last round?"

Aria stood still, her head drifting in thoughts, "Depends on what we're betting on. Is it fairly valuable?"

Angelica interjects, "Have you both considered favors? The one who lost would have to agree to one favor they cannot refuse."

"Eh? This again? Do you want to be scolded by GioGio?" Bria reminded Angelica of what will happen if she enact the idea.

The blue eyed woman grinned awkwardly, "I'm simply joking, Bria!" Though the idea seems tempting, she knew better than to be punished by the don for distressing his wife.

"Speaking of GioGio. I wonder where that child could be...? Where is Nicole anyways?" The confused Bria throws a question.

"Most likely with Mista. You understand how they go." Angelica tossed an answer, "I hope she is well."

Just the silence won and the room goes quiet. Luckily, Aria knew it is time to act.

"Alright then. We'll settle this over information," Aria gathered the cards and chips, setting aside the latter into a box while she shuffled the cards again, ever the calm and serene woman, "Like usual!" Perhaps, if she smiled, one could compare her to the moon itself.

"Oh? What kind?" Bria asked, arms folded on top of the table.

"Hm... if we went with that, why don't we raise stakes a bit?" Angelica fixed her gaze to the window. The clouds have covered the sun, rendering the sky into a grey and glum state. Mayhaps rain would fall?

"Oh please. Would this proposal of yours be detached from lunacy?" The donna poses doubt onto the woman who's gazing at the window's glass.

"Dearest Donna of Passione, I solemnly swear it won't be a madwoman's scheme." The giggling Angelica waved her hand at the statement, "Have you hear the latest news? Looks like a rival family is looming over us, threatening for a war."

"And... you want us to face them?" Aria narrows her eyes. Bria could feel a drop of sweat running down her temple.

"Well someone has to quell them, one way or another. Giorno asked one of us to eliminate them. I have no wish to participate in it" Angelica's visage were now painted with an emotionless expression, "I am used to gang wars, the boss often sent me to fight. However, I wouldn't want to miss spending time with my dearest Pannacotta."

"I see now... you wish to skip over the skirmish just so you can lounge around in leisure with your lover?" Bria's teeth are gritting under her smile, "How selfish of you, Miss Spade."

The tension rose between the three women. Whoever loses has to do the job. But the important issue right now is Angelica's egotistical suggestion.

"Haha! Once again, I am merely joking!" Angelica burst into laughter, "But, no. I am not. Forgive me to say this, but, that job is a load of bollocks. One team is enough, but the whole family? The work is going to be tedious. Moreover, the Speedwagon Foundation requires my presence. Aunt Julia needs someone to investigate bizarre happenings in New Delhi."

Aria's eyes widens at the Angelica's explanation.

"So, that means--"

"Yes. Whoever loses have to take the job."

"Then, if you lose..." Bria softly uttered.

"Well, I have to do the work. Simple as that."

Now this is a bet to behold.

Whoever lost the match shall participate in a gang war. Logically speaking, the three of them are capable of doing so, but no one would be willing to do it since the work is tedious. Reconnaissance, reports, investigations, all the lot. If they only have to fight then no problem would arise, but this job has to be taken step by step. After all, it is an order from Don Giovanna himself.

One of them has to put their life on the line for this.

"...Very well, then. Fair enough. You have your own reasons, Angelica." Aria gave a reassuring smile, "You've done a lot recently. Whatever happens, the task shall be done."

"Yes, me too. Someone needs to do it for the sake of Passione." Bria nodded in agreement.

"Hm, but I do wonder. Would Giorno sent his own wife for something so brutal like a gang war?" Angelica raised her eyebrow in wonder, her chin leaning to her hand.

"Eh? Oh, right. That is true... but, it's fine. I would even say it'd be better if it was me since I know Giorno won't let me get hurt easily." Bria's amused laughter floats through the room.

"Why so glum, ladies? Come now, let's finish our last round." Bria clapped her hand to lighten the mood. Angelica's downcast eyes are starting to be show her guilt.

"In the end, I am still a selfish human, hm?" She smirked, "No matter. I'm not a good person from the start, after all."

It's all lies. The normally honest Angelica is lying through her lips. However cruel she is, she wouldn't put them in harm's way, she wouldn't prioritise her own safety if her friends, her comrades, are treading through danger. This is all a farce to raise the stakes.

"Cheer up, Miss Spade. You're the one who started this. Now finish it!" Aria challenges.

The last round of the card game ensues. The rules are simple, they are given four cards and two of the cards which are deemed worthless has to be thrown away. Whoever has the highest cards won. The room is once again calm, only the thrill of the gamble remains.

Aria has thrown away two of her cards while Bria hasn't abandoned anything yet. Angelica followed suit and discarded two of her cards after unfolding them.

The three women now checked their cards in various ways, there was disappointment, hope, doubt, determination, and several more mixed into the atmosphere.

This time, no more Gods or Tricks. Only pure chance and luck shall decide the outcome.

Queen?

No, that is a 10 of diamonds.

Oh, why was it so hard to obtain it when she needs it the most?

The second card she unfolded reveals... ah yes. Could it be that Lady Luck has finally smiled upon her? If so, then she is so kind to give Angelica her favorite card.

Ace of Spades.

With this she can win. That thought ran through her head as Angelica smirked in assurance.

What Angelica didn't know was that Aria held the winning cards, a King of Spades and an Ace of Hearts. How embarrassing~♡

Bria knew which cards she would throw away so that she could keep two of her highest cards which are a Queen of Hearts and a Jack of clubs.

As Bria intends to throw away her cards, the sound of footsteps were heard from outside the room.

"Ah. Someone is coming." Bria shfited her gaze toward the door.

The door to the place where the women reside opens dramatically.

"Yes. It seems we have a guest. Angelica followed suit, turning her head as she showed her Ace of Spades to signify her win, meanwhile Aria is serenely standing.

Who is the uninvited guest?

Oh, who could it be?

《 Picture by: 7aizagatha 》

[celestialflights]

pls talk abt the but im a cheerleader musical!!!!! i think this would finnally b a worthy competitor for the legally blonde musical :]

thank you anon!! this is really a very self-indulgent bunch of ideas, but i hope you like them! also, it's been a little while since i watched but i'm a cheerleader, so forgive me if the events are a bit out of order

this ended up being really long, and obviously there are loads of spoilers for but i'm a cheerleader (while it did come out decades ago, i didn't know the details of the plot until i saw it, so i don't want to ruin it for anyone who might yet watch it), so i've put it all below the cut

i don't really know how or if the plot would change. obviously there would be structuring differences and small things could be added here and there, but i imagine it would be pretty true to the movie. mainly what i've got ideas for are what the songs would be like.

the first song is at the very beginning of the musical and is an ensemble number establishing the world. it's set during cheerleading practice and, like how i interpret cheerleading is used in the movie, it acts as a metaphor for society's expectations for people to be cishet and gender conforming, so while on the surface some of the lyrics may feel like, "we love cheerleading :D" it's actually a lot deeper than that. the bridge is a chorus by megan where she sings about how cheerleading is her passion, and hey maybe it's nice to look at pretty girls, but what's that got to do with anything? this displays how, yes, she fits some of society's standards in her liking this stereotypically feminine thing, but she also deviates from the norm. her solo being the bridge would also present her as different from the other characters!

maybe a scene that the musical would add could be one with her parents discussing their concerns about their daughter being a lesbian and devising their plan to send her to conversion therapy. i'm not sure how the song would go, but it could maybe sound kind of hymn-like, as it's implied that their bigotry comes from religion? oh, or maybe this song could happen when the family pray before dinner? and it's a hymn-like number about being following god's will and so on, with some very targeted lines from megan's parents

the next song i have planned shows megan's journey to conversion therapy and her and her parents' meeting with mary. it's basically like 'welcome to true directions!' and it seems pretty upbeat on the surface, but there's a resounding background message of, 'wow this is terrible oh my god.' once again, this is used to establish the setting

next, there's a song in the scene where megan realises that she's a lesbian. it's a call and response song with her listing things she'd assumed it was normal to do as a straight girl and the other characters informing her that, no, that is very queer

next, megan and graham have a duet! basically, think 'what is this feeling?' from wicked, but with a bit less animosity and even gayer. that is this song. they meet for the first time, and they do not get along, but are automatically, for some reason, drawn to each other. who knows where this is going /rhet

i may have forgotten the exact order of scenes, so this one may actually come before, but i remember at some point in the movie mary has this scene where she's planting fake flowers, and rock is there? i seem to remember it's a pretty short scene, but in the musical it would be extended and she has a villain song (which for some reason i imagine having a similar tune to 'this day aria' from my little pony, but could also definitely have 'mother knows best' from tangled vibes), where she sings about wanting to set everyone on the 'right path' or whatever. however, to keep it from getting too dark, rock keeps jumping in with what he thinks is the right thing to say but is definitely not, and mary gets increasingly annoyed with him

i can't remember if this happens here chronologically, but there's a song during the 'rediscovering your gender identity' part of conversion therapy, possibly focusing on the boys. in it, they're being encouraged by mike to be masculine and do all this manly stuff, but there's also a lot of double entendres and it's very much a comedy song

remember megan and graham's duet? that gets a reprise! when megan starts to realise her feelings for graham, she sings a reprise but changes the lyrics, so the original might have gone something like, 'when i look at her, why does my vision blur with rage?', the reprise would go, 'when at look at her, why does my heart begin to swell?' and so on. it's very sweet and gay!

the next part i remember is when they go to the gay bar, and that scene has a song. it's a very upbeat song with a heavy beat, something you'd expect to hear in a club. it's about how this is a place where you can be yourself, and for many it feels like a home they never had. megan is unsure at first, but gets more into the song as it goes on

not long after that, after megan and graham kiss, i think megan sings a line or two of the reprise of their duet, and then they kiss again, to show the growth of their relationship since they first met

i'm not sure when, but at some point rock and mike should have some kind of duet or dance (i'm thinking a tango) because there was definitely something going on between them and i think the musical would expand on that

megan and graham have another duet because i love them and they deserve it. i think it's after their conversation after they... y'know, and it's a love song that also establishes that they don't care what people think about their relationship and that nothing can tear them apart

the next song is when megan moves in with larry and lloyd, and i'm really proud of this idea. it's a reprise of the song that's sung in the gay club, and it keeps all the same lyrics, but this time it's a lot gentler. the club could be like a home, as it may be the only place people going there feel accepted, but this literally is a home, you know!

at the beginning of the graduation ceremony, there might be a little 'welcome to true directions' reprise, where mary reflects on the 'progress' made by everyone, and she's very deliberately not mentioning those who aren't graduating

one of my favourite parts of the movie is megan's cheer chant for graham, but in the musical i think it would be a semi-reprise of her verse from the opening song, once again to show her growth and how she's come so far in accepting herself, but still has the stereotypically feminine interest of cheerleading and is still gender-conforming, and that's okay! as the movie says, there's no one way to be a lesbian, or queer in general! so she has this little reprise to show both her development and how she's not a vastly different character to who we met at the beginning

there's maybe a little pause in the song here, or an instrumental, but then it turns into a reprise of multiple songs (think 'finale' in firebringer). first, megan reflects on how she's upset that graham isn't going to leave with her, but she's still confident in herself, so there's another reprise of the gay club song, then when graham arrives, the two of them reprise their second duet, and finally i think there's a reprise of the parts other than the bridge of the opening song, but with changed lyrics so it's about self-acceptance and loving yourself and being queer, but it's just generally very upbeat and just generally a really nice note for the musical to end on!

i hope you enjoyed my ramblings! let me know if you have any ideas for songs or things a musical adaptation could add! i'd love to hear any ideas anyone has :)

[bixqueen]

so thanks to hboMAX my pretty little liars obsession has started up again and when i watched pll the first time all the way thru (yes sadly it’s been more than once i have a life but also don’t) my favorite character was alison. as i’ve watched it more it changed (emily or spencer is prob my fav now) but going through tumblr, instagram, and even pinterest, i feel alison gets too much shit/hate from the fandom. so here i am, making a justification for her. if you really don’t want to see my side or pov then just keep scrolling because i don’t really want to see negativity in the comments (unless you’ll actually say something, a rebuttal?)

so let’s start off with alison being a small child and her household/family. we know how her parents would manipulate her and tell her lying is better than telling the truth. she’s had these really bad influences on her at such a young age (with secrets overflowing her house) and when you continue to have these influences on you as you’re mind is maturing, of course you’re going to eventually go through with them. now yes i know the other girls also had lying parents but were any of them as bad as alisons? i mean some things spencer’s parents kept and arias but they were also older at that point (middle of high school and up). i’m not saying it’s okay but they knew at that point in their life what’s wrong and right and for the most part they had been raised to not lie. alison wasn’t. eventually her lies caught up to her as well so even though she learned the hard way to tell the truth, she eventually did.

now we’re getting into the high school stage where there were MANY points as to why she would’ve ran away. if the writers wanted a better redemption arc for her i feel they would’ve shown her a little more broken in some scenes and such but anyways. freshman year isn’t absolute hell but it’s not fun either. having the mindset of making sure you’re not the one who will get hurt obviously forces you to have this wall and makes you a lot more mean than you really are. (i really feel this was a wasted potential by the writers not going more in depth about her mental pain but shit they didn’t do it with anyone tbh). her whole life kinda had build ups to her being so secretive and closed away (again if the writers went into more depth on this we would’ve seen maybe some trauma that causes her to be closed off and push everyone away. not wanting to show weaknesses) from everyone so it definitely wasn’t hard for her to find that bitchier side and let it off on everyone, not that it’s right, it just made her feel safe and protected. a main factor of this was probably being closeted. i myself am a bisexual girl so i know how it feels to question yourself the way she most likely did. it’s scary. really fucking scary. because you don’t know if there’s something wrong with you at first or if it’s just a stage and you’ll most likely pass it. it’s why i believe her relationship with emily was why she had no big deal leaving rosewood. yes we know she was being tormented by A before the girls were and she wanted to leave so she could be safe. but even with that there would need to be some other factors that kicked in to her actually leaving. A in the beginning for JUST alison was kinda like a bully right? i mean a little more extreme than that but it wasn’t as bad as it was when it started hitting with the other 4 girls. so if alison THE alison dilaurentis was being bullied by someone too scared to show who they really are, wouldn’t she just laugh some of it off? alison WANTED to leave before mona gave her the option. she was scared. and not just of A, but of who she was. and who she loves.

if we’re looking at what alison does for emily versus the other girls while they’re being tormented by A, you can tell she cares for her more. she saved emily more than anyone else. she said leaving emily was the hardest part of it all. because alison was in love with emily, just like emily was in love with her back. obviously running away and faking your death isn’t the best option for having internal panics, some people just don’t know how to manage it. especially being the bold person everyone sees and talks about. imagine seeing her walk out of some therapy session teary-eyed. she’d feel so weak in that moment, so vulnerable. isn’t that one of her biggest fears? people seeing she’s not as strong as she comes off to be and they can use that against her. her fear for being vulnerable also brings me to her being SO scared coming back to school after faking her death. ali, the queen bee, is terrified. this kinda brings to me childhood pain (personally this is why i thought of it lol rip). maybe her family thought showing emotions was weakness you know? and when you open up they kinda laugh at you and they’re like “you think you’re life is hard?? you’re a kid.” (i’m sure i’m not the only person who’s heard this mf bullshit bedore). where i’m going with that though, is it could’ve been placed in her head at a very young age (also this is so dehumanizing and traumatic damn but it makes sense) that you have to shut out all feelings and emotions. it really makes people numb and being emotionally numb as a child and teen is dangerous for brain growth and development. makes sense why it took her forever to feel safe and okay opening up to emily about her feelings and showing emotions around the girls. when you’re seen as this “bitch” who doesn’t make down from a fight, it forces you to turn emotionless.

so the way she acted out the night she went missing and her freshman year wasn’t ideal and it really wasn’t okay. but the audience never saw what she was going through mentally, hell even after that. we see it a little when she comes back and talks about the night she went missing. imagine your own mother burrying you alive. god the trauma that must STILL have on her. being under pounds of dirts, unable to move or talk. your own mother doing this to you to save someone else. i’m not trying to put it as she’s only been through things and no one else has cus of course that’s not the case. i just think people often dismiss her pain and trauma and just say “she’s a bad person and deserves the shit she’s been through.”

i’d also like to add her type of crowd she was around wasn’t the best sort of people. imagining being a freshman and hanging out with college kids who would throw some girl down a flight of stairs. i feel like that also had an impact on her mental health and what she believed was okay to an extent because i mean verbally bullying isn’t okay but at least sis never pushed someone down the stairs 😭 (worst thing she did is definitely blinding jenna. i really don’t know how to defend her actions for that one. you could say she didn’t know anyone was in there? or that she didn’t know she had- it was a firework right?)

last point i can think of: paige vs alison. of course i have to add this lol but my main point with this is both girls were mean to each other. did alison start it by calling her names and such? most definitely. do i think paige should’ve retaliated? to an extent. but she went as far as teaming up with others to have alison go to jail for a crime she didn’t commit. their revival wasn’t just one sided and again i think people often forget that. they’re continuously like going against each other at every chance they got. it was funny but also got annoying. ali would shit talk to paiges face then paige would go whine and cry about it to emily to turn emily on her side. i mean did we forget paige manipulated emily against alison? (yes ik alison was the manipulation queen when she was younger). really what i’m going with this is that they’re more alike than they’ll admit to an extent. me personally, i like alison and emison more. i never really liked paily but paige grew less annoying in later seasons. but when comparing them, i believe paige had more damage on emily than alison did. even when alison was ‘dead’ she still saved emily’s life at times (including the other 3 girls) and did things to protect them. i don’t remember paige saving emily just trying drowning her because she was a little jealous. another thing i know someone will try to bring up about them is how “alison was never happy for emily” well shit bro neither was paige 😭 i’m on season 7 right now and there were some times paige took a liking into stalking emily while she was dating that girl who worked in the cafe (sorry i can’t remember her name rn). and when emily talked about being with that girl she was kinda like 😐 k. alison is the type to speak or show her mind while paige seems to keep to herself then shit talk others behind their back. both qualities aren’t exactly the best so both ‘sides’ can go against each other for years on this. they’re just more alike than people realize.

anyways, there’s that. if you have any opinions (WHERE YOU’LL ACTUALLY ARGUE SOMETHING AND NOT JUST SHIT TALK ME!!) feel free to leave a reply. and if i left out something you want me to add in i will :) have a good day <3

[queen-of-deans-booty]

Forbidden Memories

Characters: Sam Winchester x Reader, Aria Winchester (OFC), Dean Winchester, Castiel

Word Count: 1.2k

Warnings: smut, fingering, riding, sam’s big cock (yes, it’s a warning), breeding kink, fluff

Request by @midsummereve1993: a sam Winchester where they decide to have fun in the car and then they confuse to dean that there daughter was conceived in the car.

Summary: When you find your purple panties in the back of the Impala, you’re brought back to the night that made you a mother... a night that you just can’t seem to get out of your head.

roommates brother for @spnfluffbingo

domestic fic for @teamfreewillbingo

Author’s Note: This is unbeta’d and all mistakes are mine. If you have any requests, please send them in!

All you want to do is get back to the Bunker and see your daughter. You and Sam have been missing her ever since you left, and you trust Castiel to protect her, but you’d feel much better if she were in your arms. There was an emergent hunt that needed to be taken care of, and it required all three of you to head out and do it. Otherwise, you would have stayed home with your baby and cared for her.

There is only an hour left to go, but it feels like it’s going to be three. Dean drives fast and recklessly, but he couldn’t take the back roads this time. There have been constructions going on to expand the area, so he was forced to take the roads that everyone else takes, which is making the time go by slower.

You’re staring out the window when you see something purple on the floor underneath Sam’s side of the seat. You reach down to pick it up only to realize it’s one of your panties. Your face immediately flushes as your skin gets hot at the memory of how it got there.

“Sam, we really shouldn’t be doing this here. Dean is going to be pissed,” you moan when Sam’s fingers run through your glistening lips.

You’re so wet for him right now, and he couldn’t wait to get back to the motel, so here you two are in the backseat of Dean’s precious car having sex. Dean is sick and couldn't make it, so he sent you two--the couple. What a mistake he made.

“Dean doesn’t have to know. Now spread your legs,” he orders.

A gush of your wetness spills out of you at his command, and you can’t help but do as he asks. Your purple lace panties hang off the heel of your shoe, but you’re not focused on that at the moment. Sam runs his fingers through your slit before sinking two fingers into your tight channel. There hasn’t been time to be alone with your husband, so this is heaven right now.

“You feel so fucking good right now, Sam, but I really just want your cock. I want you to fill me up.”

“Want me to put a baby in you?” he grins and presses his lips to your neck.

“Yeah, put a baby in me,” you giggle.

Sam has always had a breeding kink that you never really explored, but since you’re actively trying to have a kid, he is on cloud nine. He removes his fingers and grabs the base of his cock to guide him to your pussy. He doesn’t waste any more time and thrusts all the way inside you.

Your legs spasm and your purple panties go flying underneath the passenger’s side of the seat. There could be monsters outside of the car right now killing people, and you wouldn’t notice it. Sam grips your hips tightly and plants his feet firmly on the ground so he can get traction for when he pounds into you. You fall forward into his sweaty chest, your head is filled with passionate thoughts about Sam, the car reeks of sex, the windows are fogged up, and you don’t plan on going anywhere.

Sam pounds into you at a fast speed. He never does anything slow and calculated with anything but hunting, and this is no different.

“Shit! Sam!”

“Gonna get your pregnant with my baby. Fill you to the top,” he grunts.

“Yes! Give me a baby!” you moan loudly.

Nine months later, you had your first and only child. She is the best thing to have ever happened to you and Sam. If it hadn’t been for her, you would have for sure given your life to hunting. You would have died in the field. She’s your whole world, and you’re going to try your best to make sure you’re in it for as long as you possibly can.

Sam looks behind him and sees the purple panties in your hands. Your eyes snap up to his, and he gives you the kind of smirk that made you drop them for him a year and a half ago. You glare at him as you pocket the material, but you don’t say anything. If Dean knew what you two did, he might kill you for it.

You must have been locked inside your own mind for a long time because the Bunker comes into your line of sight a few minutes later. When Dean parks the car, you rush inside the house without another glance at Sam.

“What’s up with her?” Dean asks as he and his brother got out of the car.

“She probably misses Aria too much,” Sam shrugs despite him knowing that’s not the reason.

“Aria? Baby, we’re home!” you call out.

She is only five months old, but she knows when her momma is home. Castiel brings the small child to where you are, and as soon as she sees your face, she breaks out into a wide grin. She raises her arms because she wants you to hold her, and that’s exactly what you do.

“Hi, my baby girl! Momma missed you!” you grin and pepper kisses all over her face.

“She did quite well considering what happened the last time you left,” Castiel updates you.

“Thank you so much, Cas. I really appreciate it,” you smile.

“Of course,” he nods.

Sam is the next one to come in, and as soon as Aria sees her Daddy, then she forgot all about you. She reaches for her dad, and you just roll your eyes playfully at her.

“I see how it is,” you joke.

“Daddy missed you,” Sam grins and takes her into his arms.

She actually hugs him by wrapping her chubby arms around his neck, and you almost melt right there and then. She has always been a Daddy’s Girl ever since they locked eyes. It’s nice to see Sam so happy even though he thought he was never going to have this.

“Someone please tell me,” Dean announces and as he walks into the room. His voice booms, and you can tell it’s not a good tone. In his hands are another pair of your purple panties, “why I found these in the backseat.”

“Wait, I already grabbed those from the backseat,” you gasp.

“There are more than one pair back there?” he asks in disgust.

Sam and Castiel have nothing to say, and Dean is squarely looking at you. He tosses you the panties, and you catch them with a nervous chuckle.

“How do you think your niece was conceived. Blame Sam! I told him he should have waited,” you pass the blame.

“Can you blame me?” he smirks and looks you up and down.

“I think I’m going to be sick,” Dean groans.

He turns and heads to the kitchen.

“Where are you going?” you call out.

“To sanitize my car!”

Aria giggles as if she understands what is going on and you laugh along with her.

“We are not having sex in that car again. We can’t,” you whisper to Sam who stares at his daughter with all the love in the world.

“It’s cute you think that,” he chuckles.

“Screw you, Winchester,” you half-joke in a blush.

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[queerchoicesblog]

An Unexpected Turn of Events

Hiya, folks! So, as previously announced, the wlw writing project continues after a break with a miniseries set back in Vienna, one of the iconic capitals of opera at the time of Mozart. An emerging singer gets the chance to be an understudy in the latest Mozart’s discussed opera Le Nozze di Figaro (The Marriage of Figaro), that  premiered at the Burgtheater in Vienna on 1 May 1786, w and play the pants role of the page Cherubino. Preparing for the role doesn’t quite go as planned… .

Tagging: @scottishqueer​

Previous chapter: The Understudy

Hope you enjoy it: if you do, please consider spreading the word!

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A couple of days later I go back to Melchiorri for another session as planned. He is inflexible that I allow my voice to rest at least one day before practising again not to damage it. As I observe the streets of Vienna passing by from my carriage, I wonder if the little fugitive will visit us today too and a tiny smile crosses my lips. I should be bothered by such unprofessionalism but surprisingly I enjoyed the interruption. A private comedic enteract. It also reminded me the maestro is human: I stole a glance of the domestic, family life people like me is generally unfamiliar with. I don't plan to marry anytime soon honestly if I can avoid it, despite what my Aunt claims. I owe her and my uncle, the wealthy side of my family, everything. She brought me away from the small town by the Alps I lived with Mom, Dad and Hans, my little brother in a wooden cottage by a stream. We weren't indigents, we owned a small typography in town that mainly served the local journal of the valley and well, the church crafting the prayer books you would find on the bench every day at mass. We weren't rich with either: you don't exactly became high socialite with so little. Hans is now running the typography as my father's eyes are not the ones he used to have since he got sick. I don't envy my poor brother; I am glad I got my way out of that life. I am eternally grateful to Auntie Helga for insisting to drag me to Graz and deciding to turn me into a star of the opera after hearing me perform a solo in the church choir during one of her - not so frequent, actually - visits.

Auntie built her fortune over a good marriage with a promising young lawyer who couldn't resist her charm and eventually allowed her to live in sober luxury and even be invited to court. But that seemed to be her sole aspiration in life: she left the small town and never looked back. I am an opera singer, I want more. My career comes first and I have yet to meet a worthy match honestly. And no, I don't want to be a puppet, a doll to a man who will eventually ask me to leave the stage and my beloved arias to look after a child or be a proper wife, whatever it means. So, no, thanks, I chuckle in my head while taking the hand the driver offer me to get off the carriage. When I knock at the door, I am considering that maybe Herr Giorgio is not that bad, even if I didn't like the way he addressed the maid and the poor naughty boy. Nor the lusty looks he throws me. The maid welcomes me with a smile and a little reverence. Good girl, probably she expects me to chastise her too. As if I had any intention to do so! She takes my fur and quickly disappear into the wardrobe room before walking back towardsme. I thank her for her zeal but I know the way to the music room, the maestro is surely waiting for me, I say. I start walking but what she says next makes me freeze, confused. "Actually, Miss...the master is not here today. I'm very sorry. His wife is waiting for you in the tea room". What? That...that must be a joke. The maestro hired to prepare me last minute disappears before the official rehearsals. I turn and throw a bad look at the poor maid, who doesn't deserve it in the least. She's just a messenger, her eyes beg before lowering them to her feet. She's right, my anger is all for Mister Melchiorri. What do I do now? "Whatever, lead the way then" I exclaim, following her. "I can't wait to hear what the fair lady has to say about this". My voice is cold, sardonic; the girl doesn't say a single word while we walk in the opposite direction than my usual route in the house. She's certainly too afraid to dare say a thing. When we finally arrive to the right room, she knocks politely at the door and steps in when a female voice comes from the inside. She bows her head and announces my presence before disappearing back down the corridor. She stops only to let the door open for me. I let out an annoyed sigh and enter. The room is significantly different from the maestro's studio. No instruments, only paintings at the walls and fresh flowers on the little tables around the room. The perfume is delicate and inebriating: are they orchids, I wonder? A neat wooden library holds the place of honour on the main wall, opposite the fireplace and framed by windows that fills the whole room by natural light, even if the sun doesn't shine today: it will probably rain soon. Letting my eyes wonder outside I spot green and a carousel: I didn't realise we were so close to a park! Unlike the music room, here even if the furniture, the velvet armchairs, the Persian rugs, every decor are certainly expensive, the atmosphere is surprisingly...cozy, an adjective I would have never thought of associated with Melchiorri's place. It's almost inviting, calming? "Miss Bauer, I am so incredibly sorry for the the latest developments and all the trouble they must bring on you...but please, take a seat! Franziska will be back soon with fresh tea". I turn to see a woman gesturing me to join her by the fireplace. Her German has a thick Italian accent which gives her "a bit of exotic" as they say at court. She doesn't wear a wig, her long raven hair are done up in an elaborate grateful chignon and two curly strands frame her visage. She reminds me one of those shepherdesses portrayed in bucolic frescos at the Emperor's Palace. Her dress is not in character though: a plain, cerulean dress which is not necessarily cheap but does nothing to enhance her figure. Poor taste probably: even money can do little about it sometimes. She must be in her early thirties or so I wager and thinner than most ladies I know in her standing...I wonder why Melchiorri chose her if he's so clearly fond of female curves. Maybe it's another arranged loveless marriage. I wouldn't be surprised. I oblige and thank her politely, forgetting my anger for a moment. It surprises me, it must be a reflex, a natural response the soothing silky voice of the lady. Like the feral beasts tamed by the gentle melody of Orpheus' song, I think trying to shake away such thought. I suddenly realise that I don't know her name. Melchiorri never talked about her. But I don't want to tell her: it's not a nice thing to say to a wife, right? As if reading my thoughts, she shakes her head slightly embarassed. "I forgot my manners, didn't I?" she sighs. "You must forgive me, Miss, I do not receive many visitors lately and I've never been introduced to famous opera singers...nor any of my husband's pupils. My name is Cecilia, Cecilia Melchiorri". I feel a pang of sadness for this lady excluded from the theatre world his husband works in. I don't get why she has to be cast out like that. I've met other illustrious wives at social gatherings around Vienna or at court. I offer her my hand, gesturing no apologies are needed, and repeat her name. "Cecilia...". Sadly, I completely butcher it: I studied Italian for the opera but my Austrian tongue is still incapable to recreate the sweet sounds that comes so natural to her. It must not be the first time because her lips curl in a quick understanding smile. "You can call me Lia, if it's easier for you. My family used to call me so". Lia...what a pretty little name. I smile, grateful. "I will then, if you don't mind...Lia. You can call me Constanze: it seems only fair". "As you wish, Miss Bauer!" she says before realising her mistake. We share an amused look, even if hers is a bit more bashful. In that moment, after another polite knock, Franziska returns with the tea and some butter biscuits. They're different from the ones Mister Melchiorri usually offers me in his studio. She's serving the tea when a familiar figure materialises on the threshold of the room at my peripheral. Lia is giving him the shoulders so she can't see him. I turn in his direction with a smirk. "I believe we've already met, right, Sir?" The two women turn at unison too and the kid childishly hides his face but doesn't move. After a moment he spies us through his fingers and retrieves his hands, smiling. Franziska puts the tray underneath her arm and tells Lia that she will bring him to his room, making the boy pout. He's quite the character. "Maybe he followed you because he just wants a biscuit" I say, my eyes wandering between them to check if I'm overstepping. "Maybe you're right...but only if he doesn't bother you" Melchiorri's wife concedes with a tired smile. I shake my head and take the decorated plate in my hands. "Would you like one?" I ask in Italian to her son, not sure if he speaks proper German. His face brightens up and he nods enthusiastically. We share a soft laugh, even the maid joins. He gets ready to speed across the room when he stops, considering. He searches his mother for approval. Lia nods, asking to behave like a good boy though. So he approaches slower than he wanted, with great effort to refrain himself, and grabs a biscuit from the plate. Before taking a generous bite, he mutters a quick thank you. "Mystery solved" I comment, placing the plate back on the table. "You must excuse him, Miss Ba- Constanze" Lia say, gently pulling him closer. "Nino is not a bad kid, just a bit of a rascal at times". "A rascal with a sweet tooth" Franziska adds and we share another laughter. "I'm so sorry he interrupted your private session the other day. Franziska had quite a fair share of work to do and I was indisposed in my room, I couldn't look after him as I usually do". I dismiss her apologies, taking a sip of tea. "But it was fun, wasn't it?" I wink at Nino who chuckles. "Yes and she sings very well, Ma" he says, turning to his mother. "Of course, I heard her too from my room" she smiles. "She's a promise of the opera, it's written on the newspapers". "Sing again?" the little boy begs, expectantly. His childish enthusiasm amuses me. "I cannot do those trills now, I need to warm up my voice first" I apologise, before winking. "Another time, I promise". Lia whispers something into his ear and he thanks me, concealing his disappointment. Crumbs are stuck on his lips and make the smile that follows a bit funnier than it was supposed to be. "Now, sweetheart, why don't you follow Franziska back to the kitchen?" She says, stroking his curls. "Take another biscuit and she will give you a glass of milk, just as you like it, huh?". She doesn't have to say it twice: while the maid gently places and arm around his shoulders, guiding him away, he takes not one but two biscuits in his hands. He throws me a conspiratorial look before chuckling. Then he turns towards Lia and stretches his neck to kiss her cheek. She caresses his face and tells him to be good with Franziska. When the two of them are out of the room, she meets my gaze again, shaking hear head. "Apologies, Miss...I sent Franziska to buy these for you this morning and he managed to put his eyes on them. He became obsessed". "Kids" I shrug, unbothered. I am pleasantly impressed that she had such a kind gesture towards me. I mean it could be a way to get on my good side because of the news she has to give me...but after all, this situation is not her fault. Her husband left her to deal with this and me all alone. She turns serious and sighs. "Anyway, have you heard of the flooding near Salzburg?". "What?". "Torrential rain lead to conspicuous floodings in the area surrounding Salzburg. I don't know if Giorgio mentioned it to you but he head there after your session for a family emergency....his brother lives there". "I'm afraid he didn't say a thing about his little journey" I say, trying my hardest not to look angered, even if I am: I would have rather be informed sooner of such details. By the look on her face I can tell she expected such an answer. "He surely thought he would be back in time today, he didn't mention staying for long. But during the night the weather deteriorated and the roads are pretty much impracticable, so to speak. We've just received a note saying he will be back as soon as travelling conditions are restored and the emergency solved. Probably a couple of days...maybe more? He must have sent you a similar one, you just missed it because you were on your way here already". "A couple of days? Maybe more?" I exclaim. That's not promising... "The rehearsals start in a week" I frown. "I still need to practise...". "You are free to do it here if you wish, Miss" she suggests, apologetic yet encouraging. "I am perfectly aware this is a hideous setback for you with such a tight schedule. You must believe me when I say I wish we never put you in this situation...if there's anything I can do, Miss, ask away. I'm not my husband but...". I consider her words for a moment. My mind runs wild to find a solution for this unexpected unfavourable circumstance. I could find another maestro maybe but how, within such a short notice and little time before official rehearsals begin? I could do it on my own but another sudden foolish idea crosses my mind. "Do you play the cello, Mrs. Lia?" I must have taken her by surprise by the look on her face. She tries to conceal it, refilling her cup. "Why, yes. My father was a musician, I took cello classes in my youth but I don't see how this-". "Excellent! Then you can take your husband's place until the he’s back" I exclaim, cutting her short. My words must come as a shock: she almost spits her tea. "Beg pardon, Miss?". "You will be my maestro, well understudy maestro for the time being" I smile, explaining. "You said yourself that you can play the cello, you can assist me as I practice". "But...but I don't have my husband expertise" she objects, at loss of words. "You heard me practicing with your husband, right? So you must know how it should sound. And that aside, you can even tell yourself if my performance is good or not: you have ears too, if I am not mistaken". She opens her mouth to say something, anything to make me change my mind and spare her such thing...but nothing comes. Her lips presses together for a moment before she places her cup back on the table. "Very well, then...if you think it would work" she smiles weakly. "Just be patient with me: I do not usually play opera arias".

[twoidiotwriters1]

Starcrossed Losers XVI (Josh Wheeler xReader)

A/N: This is when I tell you to be ready to get a tad sad.

Words: 5,605

Warnings: None!

Previous chapter // Next chapter

KJ is a fucking genius. 

She knows things I didn’t even know were a thing, the info currency? Why would someone need those?

Then I thought about our situation and I went ‘Oh, that’s why’.

We have to cross half of the town to get to where we could find someone who could talk to a member of Turbo’s tribe. You better be sure I brought my skates and Katie with me (I named my hammer after my sister, you know, it helps me cope... sort of). 

That also means we have to cross different tribe’s territories. The shortest road is through the uh, cowboys tribe thing... 4-H? I just realized how I said I know every inch of the city, I do, but the people in it? Not so much.

Tribes have expanded, I know the basic ones: Cheeramazons, Jocks, and the derivatives of the jocks. I know somewhere there are gamers, the cowboys and Kardashian... I know I’m missing lots and lots but is not really a big deal, I’m just a girl, I don’t have to know everything.

Anyway, 4-H accepts the food and allow us to go through their territory, fifteen minutes later we found ourselves on a narrow alley, in front of us there’s a big trailer box with videogames characters drawn all over it.

KJ knocks on it with a rock and a small compartment opens, a crossbow points directly to KJ’s head and we jump back. 

The person inside speaks but I don’t understand what they say, KJ answers back and after a few, scary seconds, the crossbow disappears.

“That wasn’t Chinese,” says Josh.

“It’s Dothraki,” She answers simply, “I also know Na’vi, Elvish and a little Hebrew.”

She looks over her shoulder and shrugs.

“The JCC had a good preschool.”

Josh grins, clearly impressed by the girl’s abilities. I'm... astonished, to say the least. This girl is a box of surprises all around.

So the gate opens and KJ is the first one to enter, then me, then Josh. The room is dark and we can only see the helmet of the person in front of us. They slap KJ across the face and I gasp.

“You’ve got some nerve KJ, after the shit you pulled in Frogtown,” Says the person in a somehow robotic voice.

When they take off the helmet, I recognize the girl.

There’s a silence before KJ and her laugh, high fiving each other.

“Meet Aria Killigan and her elite strikeforce, The Game Overs.”

“I know who she is,” I tilt my head, smirking, “this is what you ended up doing after leaving?”

“Y/N?” Aria gives me a half-smile, “What are you doing with KJ?”

Aria and I weren’t the closest friends, but she used to sit with us during lunch and she’d spend the whole time fighting with Alex about crazy Star Wars theories. She was the one who introduced Stuart to us. 

I remember her as a sharp, fun person. When the apocalypse happened she stayed with us a few days and one morning she was gone without explanation, I never heard from her again. 

Until now, of course.

Inside there are three kids that were usually with her during free hours, playing on their phones. Unfortunately, I never learned any of their names, I don’t think they care, though. They didn’t even turn to look at us as we got in.

“These are assassins?” I hear Josh behind me, asking in what it sounds a skeptical tone, “You play videogames”

“We’re combat-ready unit. Check out our Ghoulie kill-count,” She points to a bunch of pictures of celebrities.

“Jonah Hill’s kind of an easy target,” Josh says.

“Fat Jonah Hill sure, but skinny Jonah Hill is agile AF”

“What were his last words?” Asks KJ.

“I’m friends with Brad Pitt,” Answers Aria.

“Of course,” KJ nods along.

“Can we focus on the plan for a moment?” I ask.

“You can’t be for real,” My friend scoffs, “this is like a ten-year-old’s birthday party playing games on Nerf mode.” 

“We’re online in elite arenas,” Replies Aria, “the bombs didn’t knock out satellites. We’re playing across the globe: Korea, Norway, Brazil...”

“We’re not the only ones left,” KJ adds, “there’s a whole wide world”

“Is it... Is it the same everywhere?” Josh asks, “Like, just kids no adults or do they have adults like Baron Triumph and the Witch? Are there animals mutating? Do they know why this happened? Why the bombs went off of why we survived?”

I was expecting this to be everywhere, not gonna lie. Adults wouldn’t just give up California so easily to kids if that wasn’t the case.

Still, it breaks my heart. I feel like they’ve taken away all the possibilities I had to build my own life how I wanted, now the only thing I can aspire to have is enough food for the month and don’t get my scalp burnt with acid rain. Oh yeah, we have those now more than ever.

Aria rolls her eyes and looks at KJ and me.

“What’s the mission?”

“Liquidate Turbo Bro-Jock,” says KJ.

“Fuck off,” scoffs Aria, going back to her chair.

“Don’t get shook!” KJ exclaims.

“No,” She replies, “Highschool taught us one thing: there are winners and there are losers. The best way to live: don’t pick sides. That’s why gamers are anonymous.”

I used to agree with that philosophy. I was a loner with no strings attached that would stop me from survival. The thing is that I can’t stay away from the problem when the problem is after my head, specifically. 

I can’t afford to step back and hope for forgiveness. I have to act.

“Don’t forget who pulled you out of the shit in Encino,” Huffs KJ, “you owe me. If you do this, you’re off my books”

“Listen, Aria, I know it sounds crazy but you wouldn’t be doing this on your own. I spent time with the jocks, I was their cleaning lady before Owen appeared and I know everything about the traps and secrets entrances but I can’t do it without someone helping us from inside. You think you can find one?”

Aria takes a moment to think, then sighs.

“Fine. We’ll help you,” She scoffs, Aria turns on her screen and we step closer, “we’ve been playing Overwatch with a Jock. His username is 5318008. This dude wants to kill Turbo for real.”

“He’s the one that’s gonna help us?” Asks Josh, looking at the screen.

“That’s the plan,” Aria shrugs, “our inside man should be online soon.”

“Okay,” I nod, “tell him that I’ll help. I mean, don’t tell him my name cause they surely won’t remember me but do tell him that there’s someone who knows their way in and only needs someone to make sure the hall will be empty when we get in”

“Sure,” Aria looks at me for a second, “I’m glad you’re alive, Y/N. Is Alex still with you?”

“He came back like a week ago, he’s fine,” I smile, “as annoying as ever... you know anything about Stuart?”

“I don’t know where he is,” She shrugs, “sorry I bailed on you, I simply didn’t feel like that was my place.”

“I understand, we weren’t perfect,” I sigh.

She leans her back against the seat and turns aggressively towards Josh.

“Hey, quit fogging up my screen, mouth breather!”

“Come,” Grumbles KJ, standing up and pulling Josh with her.

“I’ll leave you to it,” I tell her, “thank you, seriously.”

Aria has her eyes fixed on the screen. 

When I get to where Josh and KJ are, I hear them arguing in hurried whispers.

“I had no idea any of this was here”

“Because you’re an epic noob.”

“I do fine, thank you,” Josh frowns.

“Doing fine is why you’re a noob,” She replies, “that goes for the both of you”

“Not fair,” I reply in a grumble, “I know how to defend myself”

“By hiding inside trash containers?”

“Better to be a liar, like you?” Josh is quick to ask.

“Don’t you get it?” She scoffs, “Moral codes are worth less than stale Cheetos.”

That I don’t agree. We don’t have any rules but it doesn’t mean I’ll be going full savage on people. I’m a good person! Adults fucked up the world because they were too busy ‘trying to survive’ on their cruel society by cheating and stepping on others, can’t they see how this is exactly the same shit?

“If you’re such a ninja then how come you were caught by Triumph?”

“First, that’s racist. And second, you were caught too.”

“It wasn’t our fault! The jocks had cornered us into an alley.”

“And I got us free,” Adds Josh.

“Because of me,” KJ scoffs.

“Why are you even helping us?” He frowns, “You don’t seem like the type who’d do something for nothing”

“I don’t,” She responds coldly.

That sends a shiver up my spine and causes me to stop their arguing.

“I get that you’ve been surviving on some kind of trading favors and collecting debts but can’t you see that’s the kind of issue that ended the world in the first place? I’m not saying we should form a circle and tell our biggest insecurities but maybe cut us some fucking slack, it’s us the ones that have been getting death threats”

“Turbo throws death threats to everyone. If you can’t handle it, maybe you shouldn’t be the leaders”

“You shouldn’t be threatening us with that,” I reply, now upset, “I don’t look like the killing type, but I assure you, I can get rid of nuisances. I have.”

KJ glares at me, for a second I think she’s gonna kick us out, tell us that she’s changed her mind and she’ll tell Aria to stop her search. Luckily for me, Aria speaks up.

“Yes!” She exclaims, “All right. 5318008 is on board. He’ll help us get inside the school. We move at 1700, full battle rattle. Tonight, we squelch Turbo Pokaski.”

“Cool,” I feel my hands getting colder, “nice! I need a moment.”

I get out, the skates don’t make it easier, so I step on a few feet by accident. I manage to leave the room and walk out to the narrow alley. I sit on an old tire and lean my face against my good hand.

Going back to school wasn’t on my plans for the summer, let alone killing Turbo. I know I kinda threatened KJ with killing her is she tries to kick us out of the mall but that was me trying to sound scary. I don’t kill people! I swore off killing after smashing my sister’s head, which sounds horrid enough.

Ghoulies don’t count, they don’t really feel and they’re no longer people. Turbo? That’s a whole different thing.

I need to calm myself down cause either if I want it or not it’s gonna happen, so my mind needs to be clear when the time comes. 

Songs always calm me down. I try to think of one and my brain runs hurriedly through the folders and folders of songs I’ve learned through the years. 

I’m a good person, so I’ll share the song with you.

“I wanna be a great one I wanna make a million dollars Making all my days count Clowning with my day ones...”

I slowly start to sing under my breath, my eyes tightly closed and my hands still cold as ice. 

I don’t want to do this. This is all the adults’ fault. If it wasn’t because of their stupid nuclear war and their thirst for power I would still be going to school, normal as ever, spending time with my friends and planning my future.

I had a plan, you know? I was going to study to become an artist. I wanted to be rich and live in a small house in Europe where everyday the mornings would be soft and the nights cold but cozy. I was going to be the best of... of whatever I was supposed to be. Now I don’t have a plan. 

Well, I do. 

I’m about to kill a kid.

“You have a nice voice”

I jump and cut my singing instantly, looking over my shoulder with wide eyes.

“Josh, could you not do that when I’m on the verge of a breakdown?”

“A breakdown?” He raises a brow, “You know, you don’t have to go if you don’t want to”

“I have to,” I shake my head, “I’m the only one who knows the way in, I can’t let them down. Aria agreed to this only cause I’m taking the risk too.”

“I’m sure she’ll understand”

“They’ll understand shit,” I frown, “didn’t you hear KJ? As soon as we show weakness they’ll eat us. I can’t have that after all I’ve been through.”

“KJ was just bluffing, I’m sure she doesn’t have what it takes to lead the kids”

“And we do?” I huff, “Josh look at us, we’re unknown children. The only reason they respect and ‘trust us’ is because they think that what you did back with Triumph is what we do on the daily”

“You think they’ll turn on us?”

“If what KJ said is true and they have no morals, yes.”

Josh sits beside me, now he looks as affected as me.

“That’s why I have to go,” I continue, “if I take direct part on Turbo’s death, you and I will seem bulletproof. The guy that beat Triumph and the girl that killed Turbo? We’ll be safe for the rest of our lives... that’s something, considering I’ll have to stay here for the rest of my fucking existence.”

I see how he turns to look at me by the corner of my eye.

“I think that going over to kill Turbo is not the real reason why you’re upset.”

“This is not how I was planning to spend my teenage years,” I reply, “I feel like I’m the only person alive with common sense on the area and that means I’ll have to spend the rest of my life hiding from people if I don’t want to get killed for something as stupid as fake power.”

“That’s a bit unfair on the rest of us,” Josh scoffs, “what about Angelica and Alex? They’re good people. Alex came back because he cares about you and Angelica adores you and would do anything for you, even if she’s too stubborn to admit it. That’s the reason why she didn’t light Maya on fire, she has a flexible moral, but she’s loyal. Don’t listen to KJ. You’re not alone.”

“Can’t you see that’s exactly the problem?” I ask in exasperation, “If I were alone I could just disappear and try in a different city, I could move away”

“So you’re saying we’re stopping you from being happy?”

“I’m saying that I would give zero shits to loyalty and morals if I hadn’t met you in the first place. You ruined everything.”

This is the reason why I keep my mouth shut when I’m angry.

Josh looks at me in stunned silence, his face is one of innocent surprise at first, then he looks pissed.

“Let me make things easier for you,” He stands up and leaves.

No song can fix this now.

I stand up again, easing my breathing and checking my phone. It’s a quarter ‘til five, time to leave.

The Game Overs get out of their cave and Aria gives me a small mike.

“What’s this?”

“We have to be connected while we walk around the school looking for Turbo.”

“We’re gonna break the group?”

“We cover more areas like that”

“We’ll die faster like that”

“Just do as she says,” KJ interrupts me, “Aria knows what she’s doing.”

I look at Josh, searching for a sign that he supports me. He ignores me, arms crossed and avoiding my eyes.

I don’t have time for boy’s tantrums. What I said was wrong and it hurt him and I will apologize, but right now I just don’t have the time.

“Alright,” I say, putting the microphone on, “let’s go.”

“Good luck,” Says KJ.

It takes us exactly half an hour to arrive at the limits of the school. Aria stands next to me.

“Very well, Vinchi,” Aria tells me, “lead the way.” 

“Please, don’t call me Vinchi,” I say, “what did the jock tell you?”

“He’s waiting for the lights to drop,” She says, “so you better tell us how to do that”

“Here,” I walk over to where the parking lot is, we have to move quietly, my skates are certainly loud but it looks like they’re on lockdown and no one’s outside.

It takes us a few minutes, but I manage to find the main power source and they’re quick to cut it. We walk over to the cafeteria’s back entrance and we enter quietly through the kitchen. I hear Aria talking through her microphone.

“Power is cut, username 5318008 said that we could find Turbo in Mrs. Fitz old class”

I stop moving.

“That’s not where he is”

“Everyone move into kill positions,” Aria ignores me.

They scatter around me.

“Aria!” I whisper-yell, “Aria, listen to me! Turbo’s room is the principal’s office, not Mrs. Fitz classroom! I cleaned it a thousand times-”

“Y/N, stop talking or they’ll find us!” Aria tells me through the mike, “Move!”

I have a bad feeling about this, but I can’t leave them alone.

“Shit,” I whisper once I’m out of the cafeteria, “Where are you?”

They’re really good, fast. I can’t see where they went.

Everyone tells me their positions, then Styx gets deadly quiet.

“Styx is fragged,” I hear Josh say.

“I knew it!” I respond, “Aria, this was a fucking trap.”

“Everyone hold their position,” She insists, “Y/N, don’t you dare try something outside the plan”

“Sorry, Aria,” I reply.

Of course, the next thing I do is quit the plan.

“Bronyboy is offline,” KJ says.

Okay, what the fuck do I do now? It looks like my fate is to fail forever in every plan I’ve ever made. So new plan: Improvise.

I hated when characters used to do that in movies or tv shows, like ‘Oh sure I’ll improvise and then everything will miraculously turn out better than expected’ cause you know that’s not true. You know as soon as you try to improvise, shit blows up and you end up losing. We are not good at improvising. That’s a recipe for disaster.

So I might as well try it, am I right? My life is a fucking mess already and Josh hates me, let’s go and die.

As I move through the halls my brain is almost melting, desperately trying to find a sort of plan B that could get us out. 

“Something is wrong here, something is really fucking wrong.”

“I told you five minutes ago, this was a trap,” I growl, “User five-six-whatever lied to us. Now we have to get our asses outside!”

“You’re the last ones standing, guys,” Says Josh, referring to me and Killigan.

“Fuck! Turbo isn’t in Mrs. Fitz class, there’s just some scared kids in here...”

I hear hurried steps on my right and I move as fast as I can to the closest door... a janitor’s closet. I open it silently, closing the door behind me.

“Y/N, where are you?” Asks KJ.

Her voice comes out too loud and I rip the microphone away from my face, turning it off. This will surely make them think that I got caught, it doesn’t matter. It’s safer.

I hear Turbo’s grunts and hurried footsteps going to Mrs. Fitz classroom. I wait until I hear total silence again and get out of my hiding spot. I have my hammer with me, but I can’t take Turbo on my own. 

I skate fast through the halls, I run into the room where they keep the unused weapons and an idea pops into my brain. If they don’t have spare weapons, they can’t fight as long.

When I enter everything is dark, but it’s empty. I knew it would be empty, I lived here you know, and they don’t really watch over unused things.

There’s a big bag where they put all the balls when they’re not playing. I empty it by throwing the balls away as fast as I can and I grab every crossbow, machete, and bats that crosses my way. When I feel like I have enough (and that is not too heavy for me to flee the scene) I turn around to leave.

I'm met with the point of a dart gun.

“Stay where you are,” The boy holding it warns me.

Apparently, today is the day I get to reunite with old acquaintances.

I recognize the voice immediately.

“Nathan?”

“Y/N?” He lowers the gun, “Holy shit, I thought you were dead!”

“I’m about to die,” I try to look as innocent as possible, “but if you so kindly let me get out...”

Nathan and I know each other since freshman year. We had a nice relationship while it lasted. He was the first guy to quit our group after the nuke, never actually joined our group. The first loner I met.

Nathan frowns, pointing the gun at me again.

“You know I can’t do that. If Turbo or Mona find out-”

“They don’t have to,” I say calmly, “you got here recently, didn’t you? I never saw you while I was here...”

“Uh, yeah that’s-that’s a fun story-”

“You’ll have to save it for later,” I cut him off, “let me go.”

“Y/N...”

“I can’t explain it right now, but I’m one of the mall kids and I need to put a stop to this stupid fight,” I say, now a bit more stressed, “please Nathan, if you ever actually liked me as a person you will let me go.”

I see him struggle with his own thoughts and for a moment I think, ‘There, that’s a guy that’s loyal to his tribe’ but it also makes me feel terrible cause if that’s true that means I’m dead.

Then he says:

“Follow me. Don’t make any sudden moves or noises, they’re about to turn on the power again so we have to get you out before that”

There, that’s a guy with good morals.

“You’re the best,” I sigh.

Now, I don’t have any reason to trust him, besides the fact that we used to be friends. According to KJ that’s all baby food now, if he’s bad he’ll give me away.

But he doesn’t. Nathan guides me to a back entrance, close to the basketball court and helps me carry the bag so we can move faster.

“If you’re trying to avoid a fight why are you stealing weapons?” He asks me.

“If he doesn’t have enough weapons he can’t send his tribe to war.”

“Yeah but... well, what are you gonna do with them?”

“We don’t have weapons back at the mall, we need to be prepared, to be fair your tribe attacked us first.”

“I wasn’t there during the fight. I stayed to look over the school”

“Well, you avoided an obvious defeat”

“You’re avoiding one now”

“No, I’m about to go back with a half-win. Turbo won’t even know who took the stuff.”

We stop close to the limits of the parking lot, here I can move on my own, it will take me a while since I’m only one tiny person carrying a huge bag with weapons but I’m outside. I made it out and I feel extremely guilty cause I left Aria behind.

“Nathan... Aria was part of the group that came with me, would you..? Could you make sure they don’t hurt her?”

“I’ll see what I can do,” Nathan frowns, “don’t think I’ll make it, though. I’m just a nobody and it will look suspicious if I insist.”

“I understand. Thank you anyway,” I give him a quick hug before turning away.

“Y/N?” He asks once I’m halfway gone.

“Yes?” I look over my shoulder.

He gives me a small smile.

“It was nice seeing you again.”

Should I... no. We don’t need to go there tonight. Maybe one day, but not tonight.

“Yeah, I liked seeing you too,” I nod, turning back and skating away as fast as my legs allow.

Something feels different inside me. After being this close to dying cause I trusted in the words of a person I didn’t really know right away. Why did I trust them so easily? 

More importantly, how can’t I trust Josh after all he’s done and after all we’ve been through? He’s good. He has nothing but good intentions with me, or at least that’s what I think.

Somehow during my way back, I realize it’s not about trust, nor about how many lies has he said during his life. It’s about how much I want to help him and how much that upsets me.

The stupid loyalty.

“What is life? What is love? What are lies? What is trust? What is everything?”

But does it really matter? Is it really worth it to live without a care in the world if that means I can’t be with Josh? If it means I have to stay alone when all I want to do is to hold his stupid hand, then I don’t think I want to keep my morals intact.

“Everything is nothing without you”

I want to worry, I want to build a tribe that I can rely on. I want to feel alive again, almost as if I had a plan for the rest of my life.

I have a plan.

“Running, I'm running I'm running outta patience I wanna be a great one”

Everything I knew about the apocalypse and its rules was wrong.

Sacrifices must be made when facing the end of the world. 

But in my case, it’s not about abandoning relationships.

I have to let go of every fear I’ve ever had, I have to face them and say straight to their faces: I won’t indulge you anymore. 

I'll think about Katie and look up to the sky, screaming that I’m sorry and that there’s no one in this world that I love as much as I loved her. That I was there to save my sister and I saved her the best way I could. 

That everything I’ve done after the apocalypse would’ve made my parents proud because I never stopped being a good person, they raised me well. I’m the best healer in town. 

And I must sacrifice my rough attitude for a second, and find someone to listen to how my day went, I’d like to be the lady in distress, one can admit she’s done all she can. I want to be able to ask for help with the certainty that people won’t stab me in the back for doing so.

When I reach the narrow alley my breathing is uneven and the bag feels heavier than before. I can barely hold it on my shoulder, my wrist is surely not happy about it.

“Who is that?!” KJ’s little head appears on the roof of the trailer, I can barely see. The nights are darker now.

“It’s me,” I gasp, desperately trying to catch my breath, “I made it out!”

“Y/N?!” I hear a second voice. Josh’s voice.

His head appears also in the roof.

“What the fuck are you doing up there?”

“I thought you had been killed!” He exclaims, ignoring my question, “What happened?”

“I cut communication so Turbo wouldn’t find me. I also stole his spare weapons so now we have our own arsenal, I guess...”

I hear someone jumping from the roof. I see Josh standing in front of me, no longer upset he stands there, avoiding any sort of contact. Five feet apart.

“I wanna throw my hands up Ready to be saved, yeah”

“I’ve had a really long day, Josh.” 

“I know.”

“I’m ready to have a break,” I continue.

“You deserve it.”

I’ve never been good with this, I know words aren’t my best weapon, speeches aren’t my thing. Lately, though, actions have worked for me just fine (kicking out people, healing severed fingers, escaping from Highschools). I guess my best choice is to follow Josh’s advice and just... do it.

“What is life? What is love? (tell me, tell me, tell) What is time? What is choice? (I don't know) What is everything? Everything is nothing without you”

I move forward until I’m standing right in front of Josh, we stare at each other for a second and I don’t know what he’s thinking. Nonetheless, I have a plan.

I kiss him. 

And he kisses back.

Even if you’re terrified cause things might go wrong, it’s hard to worry when the person you’re crushing on has his hands on your waist and he’s kissing you.

“I hope I am enough (I hope I am enough, oh) What is everything? Everything is nothing without you”

It feels like ages when we break apart, I’m still tired from the walk but I think I can manage a little weariness if Josh keeps hugging me like that.

“You stole all his spare weapons?” KJ asks suddenly, she’s walked up to where I dropped the bag and is looking at it.

Oh my god, I forgot she was here too, fuck, she’s gonna tell everyone about this now.

“Not all of them, I’m only one person and the bag could carry only like, half of the things in that room. But trust me, after a while it feels like you are carrying the whole room,” I move away from Josh, flushed red and feeling my heart going at a thousand per hour.

“Still, that’s impressive,” KJ nods, “I’m sorry I thought you weren’t good enough, it’s clear that you know what you’re doing.”

“Only half of the time,” I smiled awkwardly, “someone from inside did help me escape... an old friend.”

“I’ll put these inside,” She says. I can’t tell if she’s uncomfortable after what just happened or is genuinely just trying to help, “we’ll have to sleep here and then go back to the mall in the morning”

“Sounds good to me.”

KJ goes into the cave (as I’m now calling the Game Over’s place) and doesn’t come back out.

Josh softly grabs my forearm and pulls me close to him again, a sly smile on his face.

“She’s right, stealing their spare weapons was a smart move.”

“I was just trying to feel like it wasn’t a complete waste of time... the gamers are in danger because of us-”

“I know,” Josh sighs, affected by the results of our quest, “after you disconnected your camera Turbo caught Killigan. He said I had lost”

“We lost,” I shake my head, “we can’t put more people in danger, Josh. What are we going to do?”

“For now, the weapons you brought from the school will be useful,” He assures me, “they won’t give us advantaged but it will give us a chance to defend our place”

“I like the sound of that,” I smile, “not the possibility of a war, but the idea of having a place...”

“I thought you didn’t like having strings attached,” Josh mentions, in the most ‘innocent’ way.

“I changed my mind,” I admit, “I’m sorry for the things I said earlier, I was scared and anxious-”

“I understand, don’t worry,” He puts a strand of hair behind my ear and hugs me, “you don’t have to worry about me judging you for the things you do”

My heart melts at his words, but I have to make sure he knows it wasn’t right.

“Still, it was wrong and I shouldn’t have poured out all my stress onto you. I also lied. I love the fact that you found me cause everything that has happened after it has been amazing.”

“Everything?” He asks with a knowing smile.

“All of it,” I nod, softly touching his cheek, “did I ever tell you that I liked you back?”

“You didn’t. Well, you did mention having a massive crush and that you tried to confess in a song but-”

“I like you,” I interrupt him, smiling like an idiot.

“No shit,” Josh replies, “I never would’ve guessed.”

“Shut up, I know it took me long enough”

“I was willing to wait,” He shrugs, smiling.

I lean in for another kiss (now that I’m allowed to, I should do it as often as I can), he holds my waist a bit more tightly and I put my arms around his neck.

Most people hate when you narrate about ‘tongues battling for dominance’ and hands going up and down. I’ll just say it was a good kiss, it lifted all worries from my shoulders.

Momentarily, though.

KJ runs out of the cave and we jump back.

“What’s wrong?” I ask.

“Didn’t you say Sam Dean was dead?”

“Yeah?” 

“You should come in,” She replies.

Josh and I follow her back inside and I see Turbo’s face on the screen, but is only half of his face, the image it’s zoomed in so we can see the people behind him. I notice at the same time Josh does, and I bring my hands up to cover my mouth in silent horror. 

As the great, classic meme would say:

This is the moment I knew, we fucked up.

“Sam?”

Taglist.

@letsbloodmagic @slythermyg @loving-u-3000​

[mirandagoing4baroque]

Agrippina at the Met

A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far, away, back in the before times, I traveled to New York to see Agrippina. I saw the last production in the show’s run, and one of the last operas performed at the Met this year. I returned from that trip on March 9 and entered social distancing March 13, when the guidance came out that people who had been to New York should self-quarantine. I say the above partially as an excuse for why this review is so late, and partially for some context. Agrippina was supposed to be the highlight of my season this year. Instead it was the end.

My father and I bought our tickets for Agrippina as soon as they went on sale, over a year before the night we intended to attend the show. The plans were made, the train tickets to New York booked, the arrangements to stay with friends made. Dinner reservations made. A week before the appointed hour, we got a text from our friend “are you still planning to come? People here are freaking out about the coronavirus.” We talked it over, and determined that if the opera was on, we would go. The opera was on, so we went.

After a lovely dinner at an Italian restaurant (also my last meal in a restaurant) on the way to Lincoln Center, we made our way to the opera house. Both my father and I had been to the Met before (I had a particularly memorable trip to see La Donna Del Lago), but we had never been together. We took a tour around the various levels, admiring the history and art, before taking our seats. The curtin was bedecked with a giant painting of a wolf with engorged teats, upon which two human infants were suckling. It was clearly a depiction of the twins and the founding of Rome. 

For you see Agrippina is a story of Agrippina the Younger and her attempts to get her son Nero (in this opera called Nerone), on the throne of Rome. I usually try to race through these, but when there's a lot of distance to cover, there's only so fast you can go. The story begins, she has just received word that her husband the emperor Claudius (here Claudio) has been drowned at sea. She plots to seize the opening to have her son named emperor by popular acclaim. The senate consents and Agrippina and Nero begin to ascend the steps to the throne, but this is only like half an hour into this opera, so there’s no way this is going to work. And sure enough, before they reach their (well Agrippina’s, Nerone is a little more conflicted) goal, a messenger arrives saying that Claudio has survived, saved by the general Otho. The two men arrive in the city and everyone except Agrippina rejoices. 

It is announced that Claudio has named Otho his heir. Agrippina is furious. But then Otho lets it slip to Agrippina that he loves Poppea and cares more for her than the throne. Agrippina uses this info to manipulate Poppea into rejecting Otho, by telling Poppea that Otho gave her up in exchange for the throne. You see Claudio also loves Poppea, though unlike Otho, his love is not reciprocated. Agrippina further tells Poppea that she can get revenge by telling Claudio that she can’t see him anymore because Otho said so. Claudio storms off in a huff. I swear I am trying to do this quickly; I’ve cut several subplots already.  Otho’s coronation day arrives. Claudio, angry about the Poppea thing, disavows Otho. One by one, all the other characters turn their backs on him. He despairs. 

Poppea is moved by the despair and wonders if her beloved might be innocent. She sets up a trap, and discovers Otho’s innocence. Agrippina convinces Claudio that Otho is still plotting against him, and implores Claudio to abdicate in favor of Nerone for the Emperor’s own safety. Nerone declares his love for Poppea because why the hell not. In a scene in which three people (Nerone, Claudio, Otho) are hidden in the closets of her bedroom, Poppea rejects Nerone, and convinces Claudio that Otho is not plotting against him. Nerone, in a fit of rage forswears romantic love in favor of political ambition. Claudio calls everyone together and announces that the throne will go to Otho and Poppea will wed Nerone. Everyone freaks out, as this is the opposite of what everyone wants. Claudio changes his mind. The end. (Deep breath).

Agrippina was the first major operatic work that Handel wrote, and it definitely shows. I mean, that plot, am I right? But there is a lot to like, musically, here. The orchestra was excellent, though frequent readers of this blog will not be surprised that I lament the lack of period instruments. But Harry Bicket can do no wrong stylistically and the orchestra acquitted themselves admirably. I found the second act much stronger than the first. I think this is just that the first act is mostly set up (it takes up more than two thirds of the summary above) and the emotional pay off mostly comes in the back half, which is where Handel can truly shine.

I was a little nervous, because the reviews of this production had been mixed. It appeared that the staging was a “strong flavor” and the reactions had been intense, with some loving the somewhat madcap, updated staging, and others finding it distracting. I was somewhere in the middle. Overall, I think the staging was a value add. The director seemed to be on a mission to see how far he could stretch the original libretto to accommodate new situations. There were times when it worked (turning the racing clouds in Nerone’s final aria to cocaine), and times when it did not (setting Poppea and Otho’s reconciliation in a bar). The secondary mission of the director seemed to be to make things as difficult as possible for the singers, who by and large rose to the challenge with aplomb.  Kate Lindsay was given a particularly hard row to hoe, and my lord she triumphed. 

The cast not only surmounted the acting challenges laid before them, they were all quite capable vocally.  As I have mentioned before, when it comes to roles originally written for castrati I am generally in the camp of sisters (mezzos) before misters (countertenors). Sorry guys, it’s not personal, some of you are quite lovely. And with respect to the thumb headed henchmen, I would have rather had mezzos in those roles. But Otho was played quite capably by Iestyn Davies. I had the great fortune of hearing him sing Eustazio at the Lyric Opera almost a decade ago, and he was an exceptionally winning Otho. My heart broke for him when he was rejected by all his friends one by one and was left alone. It was one of the most moving moments of the opera for me.  Matthew Rose was a capable Claudio, neither particularly distinguishing himself, nor giving me any cause for complaint.

The true standouts of this production were the women. As you may remember from my trip to the Lyric opera over a year ago, Brenda Rae is not a new name to me. She was a highlight of Ariodante, so I was very much looking forward to her performance as Poppea. Her voice was lovely, but at times seemed too small for the house. I quite enjoyed her interpretation of Poppea though: a savvy, good hearted woman who is doing her best. Hashtag relatable. (Especially in the scene where she eats a whole box of chocolates in an oversized sweater).

I’ll get to Joyce DiDonato in a minute, but you all already know that I’ll think she was awesome. I want to talk about Kate Lindsay. Who took every curveball the director threw at her and said “Yeah I can do that; I can make that awesome.” Her tatted up, bad boy Nerone channeled Beiber, and did coke, and moonwalked up stairs while singing arias. And after all that, when most of us mortals would be curled in a small ball, she sang an aria WHILE HOLDING A PLANK. Sang the aria beautifully, loudly, as if she were standing in her shower. I don’t know what supernatural creature got bored and decided being an opera singer on earth would be fun, but I’m super glad one did. I had heard of Kate Lindsay, but I had not heard her, and, friends, I was missing out. Her voice had pop. It had feeling, it had control, it had everything. She is doing Sesto next season (god willing and the creek don’t rise), and I am ready to cry my eyes out when she sings Cara Speme.

Joyce DiDonato. I don’t have a lot to say I haven’t already said before. To quote Hamilton “Look around, Look around, How lucky we are to be alive right now.” Right now being the time when we have the privilege of hearing Joyce DiDonato sing Handel. I am so, so, grateful to be able to type the following: this was not the best Handel I’ve heard her sing. The role is just not as good as some of the roles in his other operas. But Joyce DiDonato singing Handel is like pizza. It’s just gonna be good. And this was. As always, she had the highlight of the show for me. It wasn’t one of the big showy arias though. It was the small quiet moment Agrippina has with her husband at the very end of the show. She sings:

“Se vuoi pace, oh volto amato, l'odio reo fuga da te!...

“If you want peace, my love, Banish hate from your mind!...

[My best attempt at a translation aided by three years of Latin and Google Translate]

Yes, as per usual, Agrippina is manipulating him. But Joyce DiDonato is such a master, and she paints such a lovely and peaceful image that it’s hard not to want to live there. May everyone who wants such a place be able to find it in these trying times.

[volchiitsass]

I warned you guys that I was going to do this. Please note that pre-existing characters can fill these slots if you are so inclined and I’m fine with gender-bending. I just thought it would be fun and I’ve never had a chance to do this. So down a shot of go-go juice and get prepared for a novella-length want ad that I spent too much time on (again.) Oh, and if there’s other characters that I didn’t list on here (like Aria T’loak -cough cough- or EDI because I accidentally forgot to put her on here and I feel like a piece of shit) feel free to add them! I literally don’t care what you do with them honestly, this is just me spitting out possible dynamics. Just as a note Deacon is meant to be the knock-off human Garrus that is essentially the unwitting space dad/brother/uncle/cousin (how redneck.) Message me on discord @ vera like the gun#3446 with your ideas please and thank you.

commander shepherd / 35+ / open gender / open face the rallying force that inspires deacon and the rest to keep their heads about them. paragon or renegade or paragade or renegon. whatever and however you want to play them, the gist of the character is that they are someone that other people want to believe in when they don’t believe in themselves (yes, they motivate even deacon.) the glue that holds everyone together, the one that’s up on the impossible pedestal. don’t worry though, deacon’s got your six. it is entirely possible that they either served in deacon’s unit in whatever special forces branches existed in the u.s. or an adjoining unit that worked with deacon’s over the years. or it’s someone brand new that deacon takes a shine to. honestly, make them your own. reserved for mac (clementine voss / panocorps commander)

liara t’soni / 25+ / open gender / open face avid knowledge-seeker and not technically a people-person, their socialization skills (aka sense of humor) may be a little on the serious side, but they will warm up eventually. to the untrained eye they might seem a little on the softer side, but if there’s one person you should never underestimate out of all of the crew it is certainly them. even the daintiest and most unassuming of flowers can hide thorns or poison. where muscle fails the brainy ones prevail. reserved for cami tali’zorah nar rayya / 25+ / open gender / open face living in the shadow of a demanding parent is no small feat so it should come as no surprise that they drive themselves harder than most to accomplish their goals. with the weight of a family legacy and the desire to prove themselves worthy to their ghosts and to themselves it’s a heavy weight to bear, but they do it gracefully. though on the young side they are a mechanical (or whatever you choose for them) genius and are sometimes the voice of reason to the others. reserved for diana urdnot wrex / 35+ / open gender / open face another military lifer and a possible relic from deacon’s old unit, wrex had seen what the earth had left to offer and found it severely wanting. they wanted a better life and now, as they’re sitting in outer space decidedly not where they’re supposed to be they blame deacon for convincing them to come in the first place. did i mention they might have a bit of a temper? it’s slow to start, but when provoked trying to talk them down is like stepping in front of a freight train. a tough motherfucker with seemingly no illusions about themselves. turns out they have more of an idealistic side than they’ve let on. miranda lawson / 30+ / open gender / open face bitchy, jaded, exceptional in both looks and brains. they have no issue laying someone else bare but when it comes to themselves they are a closed book. period. end of sentence. to those that don’t know them well enough they seem to operate based on self-interest and come off as extraordinarily cold.

taken by heketi (bennet ursa / surgeon) jacob taylor / 35+ / open gender / open face operating under their own moral guidelines, they have no issue bowing out if something grates against their compass. goal and mission-oriented they tend to keep to themselves and it takes quite a bit of digging and prying to get them to open up to others. just another lost soul looking for something to believe in again. rock solid and stable is what the group counts on in regards to this character (most of the time.) mordin solus / 30+ / open gender / open face easily the smartest and quite possibly the most terrifying out of all of them. they come off cold and detached, finding comfort in logic and their seemingly impeccable reasoning skills. it can be hard to hold a long-term conversation with them unless you can withstand facts, figures, and a little unwanted advice (with cited sources!) affable and actually friendly if not a little socially awkward. the ends justify the means with this character and they have long resolved not to let their personal feelings get in the way of anything. (which we all know is a g.d. lie and a half.) jack / 25+ / open gender / open face foul-mouthed heathen! unapologetic hedonist that will always and forever tell it like it is or at least paint it in their extremely cynical world view. angry as hell and no one can figure out why, though hints at a rough upbringing before erebus hold the key. they often hide behind the brick walls of promised violence and flat-out cruelty so as not to let anyone in. needless to say, that didn’t exactly work out the way they intended and for the most part their bratty behavior is ignored by the rest. grunt / 21+ / open gender / open face possibly a fresh face for panocorps that the others adopt. did not grow up with any long-lasting role models and has essentially found themselves looking up to the others for guidance. a tad on the bloodthirsty side, they seem simple at first glance, but just like ogres, they have some serious layers and room to grow. and a bunch of crazy people that care about them. thane / 35+ / open gender / open face they left a lifetime of regret behind them on earth. their life consisted of serving masters other than themselves and in the end, it resulted in the death of those they held dear. whether they joined the erebus under the hope of a new life or are here to settle one last debt it’s entirely up to you. weirdly zen and maybe a little resigned? there’s a storm beneath the calm and disciplined exterior, just waiting to pierce the veil. kasumi / 30+ / open gender / open face not exactly operating on the up and up, playful and mischievous as all get-out. kasumi just kind of showed up one day and never fucking left. for all their pranks and joking aside their irreverent humor is often secretly appreciated by the rest. sticky fingers and kleptomania aside they are protective of their chosen friends and have a bit of a robin hood streak. legion / 30+ / open gender / open face okay so for legion WHO DOES HAVE A SOUL SHUT UP I’M NOT STILL CRYING i had an idea? maybe it’s stupid? what if they were meant to be a kind of guardian for the tali? someone sent ahead to watch over their family’s considerable investment or as a guardian for the family if they are on the ship itself? idk. i have feelings. legion does too. don’t talk to me. their relationship would probably not always be sunshine and rainbows but the others probably accepted legion so now tali’s like GR8 AWESOME. TRAITORS. legion is perhaps looking forward to maybe…branching out on their own and not playing nursemaid in spite of whatever tali might think? samara / 35+ / open gender / open face dedicated, disciplined, and a believer in law and order. they can be quite severe in their judgments and do not really stray into the shades of morally gray too often. the others might be a little put off by their views, but the truth is it takes all kinds and their black and white view of the world is needed sometimes. zaeed / 35+ / open gender / open face brutal and at times morally repugnant, having a heart did not serve zaeed early on in life which led to mercenary work and what was supposed to be a cushy retirement on a brand new planet. hanging around with a bunch of (mostly) do-gooders is having somewhat of an effect on them, but they hide it well and pretend not to care so much about the others. karin chakwas / 35+ / open gender / open face the den mother, i’m sorry i don’t know any other way to say it. they look after the others like they’re wayward squabbling children and they are usually the first to hear of any significant life changes. easy to confide in and dependable to a fault they need their friends and they need chakwas, whether they believe it or not. 10/10 the one person none of them really want to disappoint. jeff “joker” moreau / 25+ / open gender / open face they paid someone off to hide a serious medical condition and have zero regrets. whatever personal battles they face, they strive to be seen as equal to or better than everyone they compete with and as a result…don’t really know when to stop competing. a wiseass with wisecracks to match, they could easily be accused of not taking anything seriously when really they hide behind sarcasm and forced levity as a self-preservation tactic. ashley williams / 30+ / open gender / open face family meant/means everything to them. tough as nails and a little socially aggressive, they do have a softer side that peeks out every now and again. the older sibling friend that will be mean to you, but knock out anyone else. their family name bears a considerable black mark but it is not of their doing and even though they face personal adversity from without and within they doggedly persevere. a true dandelion through the sidewalk that will eventually learn to look past whatever preconceived notions they might have carried with them on this voyage. kaidan alenko / 30+ / open gender / open face military brat turned military orphan. growing up in the system especially on a dying earth was not an enjoyable experience, and while it has made them a little austere they are kind above all. politically savvy and sometimes a little too conservative and self-controlled. really needs a chill pill, but like any good sentinel they stand guard over their friends and hold the line when needed. james vega / 25+ / open gender / open face a well-meaning doofus. high energy, still a little juvenile. they have a lot of growing up to do and while the others sometimes get too stuck in their own heads they can sometimes see the forest through the trees if they remember to pay attention. the bull in a china shop, not politically savvy, but a genuinely good egg that firmly believes a punching bag and stinging fists are the best medicine for all the bad things they don’t want to talk about. javik / 35+ / open gender / open face every group needs an eeyore and here they are. taciturn and more than a little nihilistic. it makes you wonder what the hell possessed them to come in the first place. there is a reason for their unsettling behavior, of course, but the cause isn’t something they talk about and no one thinks it wise to ask.

[laissezferre]

theatre review: phantom of the opera, manila cast: jonathan roxmouth, meghan picerno, matt leisy

jonathan roxmouth as the phantom

jonathan roxmouth's phantom would best be described as "the phantom that you would get if you poured pepper labeled 'joj' and salt labeled 'ramin' in a single shaker, shook it til the control of one and the style of another mixed together, and pulled the cap so it could spew out something truly incredible". jonathan's voice is powerful and overwhelming but always in control. not a note was out of place. there were multiple points in the show when i just thought, "this is ridiculous, this is so good". he handles the role, at least vocally, with such care and control. he goes from booming to soothing and vice versa without much preparation, and he pulls it off. and i haven't even talked about his vibrato. after "music of the night", i just knew--this character, this tour, and the future of this show, is in good hands.

between singing and acting, jonathan is very much a singer. even when he's supposed to be screaming--or at parts when most phantoms have resorted to screaming--he's still singing, he's still holding that note.

jonathan's phantom and meghan's christine have a palpable chemistry. unlike my first viewing with carla and ian as the leads, jonathan's phantom gives raoul a run for his money. it's not exactly lnd-levels, but the phantom this time around had better chances. he really uses his height to loom over christine, and christine's reaction to him is this odd mix of fascination and terror.

if i have to have one gripe about jonathan, it would be his vulnerability, or lack thereof. the phantom acts so powerful in act 1, and i don't think he ever really got off that pedestal for act 2.  i felt like his energy and commitment fizzled out in act 2, and he was kind of going through the motions. while i was watching jonathan, i kept remembering ian jon bourg's phantom, and how he looked so utterly depleted by the end. ian was large but he looked so small when he curled in on himself, he didn't have anything more to give. i didn't feel that way about jonathan. my reaction towards him was more of "i'm sorry you didn't get the girl", instead of "i'm sorry these were the cards you were dealt, i'm sorry you've been alone for so long, i'm sorry you've never felt love".

meghan picerno as christine daae

i really love how meghan picerno thinks as she acts. you can almost see the speech bubbles floating above her head as the scene goes. every line has a corresponding expression on her face, and it's not the amateur acting kind, it's more of being always in the moment. right off the bat, you know that she's an intelligent christine. in the hannibal rehearsal when the backdrop falls and everyone's panicking, she stays very still while looking around the stage, thinking, assessing--and you get the feeling that christine daae has a good idea about who's fooling around in the opera house.

meghan puts that same thoughtfulness when it comes to her singing. everything has an intention behind it. her singing improves rapidly in "think of me", but when she gets to the cadenza she becomes uncertain, feels it out, and then goes for the money note. meghan has a solid range--her singing has power, and she's also able to tap that lower register to create solid low notes. i've also never heard "my soul began to soar" so sweetly. both meghan and jonathan are versatile and can sing powerfully when it's called for, and add variation when needed. sometimes though, the experimentation doesn't go very well. "wishing you were somehow here again" was a mix of singing, exclaiming, and gasping. just as you would get into the melody, she sing-speaks, and then breathes at unnatural points in the song.  i guess it would boil down to people's preferences and their tolerance for  "musical expression", but that part didn't work for me.

meghan wasn't kidding when she said in interviews that she wanted to portray christine as strong. she is so aggressive! matt leisy's raoul plays off of her, and because they're both imposing, it sometimes looks like they're well on their way to a domestic. in the rooftop scene, christine dominates the conversation. raoul is trying to comfort her and convince her it's not real, but christine is having none of it. her gestures were screaming "believe me! i'm not crazy!", and i genuinely thought that they were gonna have a row. this forcefulness doesn't just apply to raoul or to the phantom, it also applies to her father. normally in "wishing", christine sings about how she misses her father, but with meghan, i got the impression that she was frustrated and was beating herself up for still missing her father.

also, it may just be me reading into it too much, but i feel like meghan's christine doesn't take well to being comforted. she'll receive comfort, she'll allow herself to be patted and petted, but there will be no visible relief in the set of her shoulders. this kind of makes her seem cold, especially with raoul. in fact, christine doesn't even look at raoul much in the dressing room. instead, she's facing the audience as she reminisces about her childhood--this leads me to think that meghan's christine doesn't start out already smitten with raoul. the falling in love comes later in "all i ask of you" and christine becomes a very eager kisser and audibly sighs into the kiss.

meghan isn't a particularly graceful or playful christine. she's very serious and at times, physically rigid on stage. in il muto, i wanted badly to shake her and tell her, "girl, loosen up, you're supposed to be playing in a comedy". also, meghan didn't join the dancers in hannibal, and the few steps she did looked stiff. i don't know how much of her stiffness is intentional, if it's a manifestation of her fear of the phantom, because she really is terrified of the phantom to the point of paralysis. she's utterly terrified in the rooftop, in the masquerade, in "twisted every way"--in all those scenes there were moments where she bends over and becomes non-responsive to raoul's attempts at comfort.

but despite her fear, she's still able to go head-to-head with the phantom. she snaps and answers him angrily in the final lair. when she sang "it's in your soul that the true distortion lies", i thought she would follow with a growl. when she shields raoul from the phantom, they stare each other down, which is a sight to see because of their height difference, but she gives as good as she's got. she does soften a bit when the phantom allows them to leave. raoul is pulling her to go but she resists repeatedly--not in a “let me spend more time with him" way but in a "we can't leave him here!" way. while there was no chance that she was going to stay with the phantom, she still couldn’t help but be concerned for him.

matt leisy as raoul de chagny

i first saw matt leisy's raoul when he was sharing the stage with ian jon bourg and clara verdier, and i have to say, his portrayal there is startingly different from when he acts with meghan and jonathan. this time, his raoul is less commanding and more floundering. you can see how he's not in control of the situation and how frustrated he is for always being one step behind the phantom. this is not the calm, in-control, dignified raoul that we know. he's absolutely out of his depth and he's pissed. he's not whiny, but you can tell he's rattled. in "notes ii" when christine is already sitting on the chair and he's convincing her to be the bait, he's almost begging her, like it's him who will lose his mind if this doesn't end. and when christine refuses, he angrily goes off at the phantom.

despite that intensity, he never roughhouses christine, but it is sad to see that christine doesn't actively seek his comfort. that's why their "all i ask of you" isn't as dreamy and romantic. while christine does love raoul, it's the phantom who's able to evoke stronger reactions from her (more fear than desire, but still), and it's very much clear that this is christine and the phantom's show. matt, and his voice, disappears in the background. in "wandering child" when all three leads are on stage together, you can really feel that raoul is the third wheel in the scene, and his words are barely heard.

in "final lair" when christine kisses the phantom, matt's raoul looks away and closes his eyes, like he can't bear to see the love of his life kissing another man. i usually check where the phantom puts his hands during the kiss, but matt's turning away was so striking that i just had to look at him.

some other things

overall, i really liked this production and noticed a few things that i wasn't able to because i was sitting nearer this time. the broadway costumes are absolutely gorgeous. i really love the softness of the pink in the star princess costume. this is also the first time i paid attention to carlotta's hannibal skirt--it's as intricately designed as christine's and i prefer it's red-black-gold combination.

i zoned out during notes i and prima donna but don't i always.

there are also some cute blink-and-you-miss it moments. when christine is asked to sing, monsieur reyer is displeased and thinks they’re wasting time. when he says "from the beginning of the aria then", he shows christine the score and when she looks, he snaps it closed in her face. but after the performance, he is seen chatting with christine and he kisses her hand as he exits.

in the don juan rehearsal, christine and piangi also have a moment. when piangi is being scolded for not getting the melody right, christine mouths to him "you can do it". i'm not sure if piangi acknowledges it, but christine goes back to facing meg.

so... yeah, that’s how my evening went. this is the fourth time now that i’ve seen poto, and it’s just as magical as the first time i saw it seven years ago. there are classics, and there is poto, and there’s a reason that it’s managed to run as long as it has on broadway (les mis, i love u, but u have strayed from the path, padawan). it just has a strong sense of identity and no amount of watered down touring shows is going to misplace the brilliant original. the future of poto is bright, and with this cast, it is in good hands.

have a look at my other review: ian jon bourg, clara verdier, matt leisy

[prawnlegs]

WEBCOMICS

I think I broke my links page with too many links, so it’s about time I made a rec post for some of my favorite webcomics! MAYBE YOU’LL FIND SOMETHING NEW TO LOVE.

This will always and forever be an incomplete list as I am always finding/looking for more stuff to read. I’ll probably reblog it every so often when I add more.

COMPLETE: Lady of the Shard by Gigi D.G. - I still haven’t gotten to Cucumber Quest but you had better believe I read this the day it came out. Follows a temple acolyte who is in love with the goddess she serves, and all the complicated turns of events that come out of this. Drawn in a loose, experimental pixel art style that makes it all the more immersive to read. The Less than Epic Adventures of TJ and Amal by E.K. Weaver - Eisner-nominated gay roadtrip romance you’ve probably already heard of. Some of the best character acting I’ve ever seen. The Muse Mentor by Amy King - Artistic muses (and one vague notion) try to find their purpose on the astral plane, which happens to look sort of like a cute fantasy version of San Francisco. A sincere and kind-spirited read, highly recommended if you struggle with feeling adrift and inadequate. Also, many drawings of delicious-looking food. Power Ballad by Molly Brooks - I just started this but it’s really fun and funny. A masked vigilante/pop star’s personal assistant develops a crush on her boss. It’s gay, it’s got superheroes, and it’s complete! IN PROGRESS: Agents of the Realm by Mildred Louis - I had a couple false starts getting into this one, not having grown up on Sailor Moon, but then I picked up the first volume at a con and I’m really enjoying it. The unclear, complicated intentions of the mentor figure(s) are intriguing, and I love how the artist draws faces, especially funny reaction faces. Alice and the Nightmare by Misha Krivanek - A magical uni/boarding school piece with super cute art, compelling mysteries, and a Lewis-Carroll-inspired world that’s fresh and fun I.E. not another Hot Topic rehash. FINALLY. Away to Nowhere by Ezra Shape - Monsters and magical beings adapting to life in our world (or a world like ours)--currently just scratching the surface of what seems like some really cool worldbuilding. Features Zio, my nonbinary dragon grandma. Balderdash by Victoria Grace Elliott - Cute coming-of-age witch adventures. Beautiful colors and a richly-textured world. FOOD. So much good food. Banquet by A. Szabla - [coming soon]

Beauty by Eric J. Lee and Rhiannon Rasmussen - From the about page: “Bugpunk Beauty and the Beast” and honestly WHAT MORE DO YOU NEED TO KNOW. Okay I’ll tell you some more: There’s a baroque alien bug civilization rendered in incredible detail. It’s gorgeous.  Blackwater by Jeanette A. and Ren Graham - Episodic supernatural comic set in the small fictional town of Blackwater, Maine. Just started, but the art is extremely polished, expressive, and atmospheric, and the characters are cute. Also it’s queer and full of monsters. Sold.

Brainchild by Suzanne Geary - Paranormal mysteries on a college campus with supremely cool monster designs and great art. The monsters: So cool. I also really like the attention to fashion details on the characters--you can tell a lot about each of them by how they present themselves. Demon Street by Aliza Layne - All-ages fantasy adventure starring queer kids with magic powers! Great use of vivid, saturated color to set otherworldly scenes. Excellent queerification of folkloric tropes.

False Edge by M. R. Shaw - Just started, but a long-awaited comics debut with fantastic art. Features adorable big-cat shapeshifters. Warning, it’s supposed to get nasty (there’s an advisory page with specifics when you start). Feast for a King by Kosmicdream - I just started this (”just started” = 300+ pages in) but HOLY CROW it’s one of the most bizarrely creative comics I’ve seen. Warning for like, unrelenting gore/body horror (and eventually monster sex I think?) Gotta admire the scope of this one. Galanthus by Ashanti Fortson - [coming soon] Goodbye to Halos by Valerie Halla - Fantasy/action-adventure with an all queer-and-trans cast! Huge-scale, trans-dimensional cosmic plot stuff. The art is supremely cute and the color design is fantastic. Harlowe Vanished by Amy King - A lonely teenage girl accidentally finds herself in some kind of oceanic fantasy world! Scary military stuff is going down! BEAUTIFUL scenic art and a colorful cast that we’re currently just getting to know. The latest from Amy, who did The Muse Mentor, rec’d above. Heirs of the Veil by Phineas Kaldinski and Jassy Klier - Urban fantasy with lots of cool magic, a queer cast, and amazingly detailed environments that feel lived-in and full of history. Can’t wait to see where it’s going. Hilga from Below by Val Wise - This just started but that means I’m COMPLETELY CAUGHT UP on the  archive and so far I can tell that it has: Excellent colors, a cute dog person, a fallen angel or alien or something, and some really unsettling stuff lurking under the surface. How to be a Werewolf by Shawn Lenore - Another one I just started, but really enjoying it so far. After twenty years of isolated lycanthropy, an urban werewolf is mentored by the first of her kind she’s ever met, amidst a mysterious lurking threat to their kind. Kidd Commander by Aria Bell - This is the most fun I’ve had reading a webcomic in a long time. Kidd Commander is an epic shonen-style adventure with an immensely likable cast. Seriously, I love every last one of the characters, and their perils and triumphs and misunderstandings hit me right in the emotions like a ton of bricks. I’m probably gonna cry at some point in this comic. I KNOW I’m gonna cry at some point in this comic. But it’s also hilarious, with really well-timed comedy beats and expertly deployed reaction faces. The world also feels HUGE and full of interesting lore. This is just one of those ones where you can tell it’s an absolute labor of love and the creator enjoys every minute of making it. I could gush about KC forever. But I won’t. This time. I’M DONE. Kids These Days by Noora Heikkilä - Fresh webcomic from the creator of Judecca and Letters for Lucardo, which, if you’ve read either YOU’RE FREAKING OUT TOO, RIGHT. It’s about a group of young adults in the eighteenth-century-flavored city of Osk, refusing to fit the molds society has created for them. And it’s already great. Killjoys by Woods - Criminal mayhem set in a squishy cartoon circus toyland. Had me at “Fluffy hot-tempered clown bunny with they pronouns, in a suit.” Something about this one speaks directly to my id. Kill Six Billion Demons by Tom Parkinson-Morgan - SPRAWLINGLY EPIC action-adventure in hell with vast-scale environments that will make you fall to your knees weeping. Also, like everyone in it is super hot and also a monster or some kind of divine construct. Violence. Lots of that. Larkspur by Grace Mulcahy - Post-apocalyptic action/crime/comedy piece centering on girl gang rivalries. Everyone is some kind of really cool-looking post-radiation mutant. Lush, vibrant colors set against dark comedy. Warning for some sex trafficking stuff at the start (not explicit) and general CRIME/VIOLENCE. Log Date by H. Kasof - [coming soon]

Monster’s Garden by Ash G. - Urban sci-fantasy about a misunderstood prizefighter (who happens to be a lizard-man) who just wants to be left in peace--but is suddenly faced with the challenge of caring about others and having them care about him. Full of cute and sympathetic characters. Monster Pop! by Maya Kern- Light and fun college dramedy with a cast of colorful monsters (and some humans), including a cyclops, gorgon, and witch. The art is super cute. Queer and trans characters! Never Satisfied by Taylor Robin - A group of flawed, complicated teens compete for a prestigious role that is basically something like State Wizard. The characters are SO GOOD, sympathetic across the board even when they’re being misguided jerks, and the comedy highs and dramatic lows are equally prime. The main character is nonbinary and they are my sweet, emotionally stunted child. Oglaf by Trudy Cooper and Doug Bayne - Everyone’s favorite bizarro-comedy-porn medieval fantasy comic. NSFW, as if I had to tell ya. Parhelion by R. Smith - Sci-fi adventure featuring a huge and hugely-gender-various (and queer) cast with a lot of choice trope subversions. The writing is super witty and I find myself laughing out loud a lot. Puu by Ashkay B. Varaham - An own-voices slice-of-life webcomic about gay/trans roommates and the people connected to them, set in India. Look, I am a huge goopy romantic and this comic has EVERYTHING that feeds my soul. The Sea in You by Jessi Sheron - Lonely, environmentally-conscious goth girl with a jerk boyfriend makes the acquaintance of a MUCH BETTER (girl?)friend in the shape of a mermaid. Another one with very cute art and an interesting, creative mermaid design. Everything teen me ever wanted in a comic. Warning for the boyfriend being an emotionally abusive jerk. String Theory by Dirk Grundy- Probably the comic I’ve been reading the longest. Sci-fi/post-apocalyptic/alternate history/crime stuff centering around morally sketchy characters on their path(s) to super villainy. The art is frigging phenomenal and the comic has been going for like, ten years so if you wanna see some art evolution, check it out. Laurence is my fave. Superpose by Kieran and Han - [coming soon] Unconvent by Emil N. Tót - Romantic historical fiction about queer nuns in eighteenth century Brazil! I like how simple and straightforward this comic is. We are promised happy endings. (Update: Unconvent is now on indefinite hiatus but the author has started a new comic, Dead Scholars’ Whispers) That’s it for now! Let me know if I screwed up any of the links or attributions.

[cripplinganxietyflix]

CAF’s Best of Streaming Recommendations for November 2017!

Netflix decided to not allow me to view my queue from any platform just as I decided to write this up, so any titles I’ve forgotten this time around, I’ll add to the next streaming list I make. Don’t fuck me on this, Netflix. 

“What do you recommend that I can stream?” is a question I get pretty frequently, so I think I’m going to start doing a regular post every couple months featuring things I’ve seen on various streaming services and liked. In this list I’m going to focus on Netflix and Shudder. In future lists I’m going to strive for variety, but this one is going to have a lot of horror and indie... and indie horror!

Misunderstood (Incompresa), 2014 dir. Asia Argento

Where you can find it: Netflix US

I’ve hard a hardcore obsession for Argento’s 2004 film The Heart is Deceitful Above All Things since I saw it over a decade ago, and I’ve both recommended and defended that film to nearly everyone I know with an open mind. An absolutely batshit and disturbing ensemble piece based on the (fake) autobiography of the same name by JT LeRoy, The Heart is Deceitful features a pretty iconic lead performance by Argento as an abusive, white trash, drug addict mother, as well as appearances by Jeremy Renner, Marilyn Manson, Peter Fonda, Winona Ryder, Ben Foster, and Michael Pitt. Two pre-Disney Sprouse twins star opposite Argento as her traumatized son. It’s gritty and daring and shocking as hell. For a first effort, it’s a little sloppy and it does take some effort at disbelief suspension to buy Argento’s portrayal of an American through her Italian accent, but if you can get past that, it’s such a wild trip. Like Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, but about child abuse. 

Misunderstood is Argento’s first full-length directorial effort since The Heart is Deceitful, and she has seriously grown so much as a director between these two films. 

This quirky and engaging film chronicles 9-year-old Aria, a girl growing up in Rome in 1984. Her parents are rich celebrities who are too self-obsessed to properly parent her, and Aria is often left up to her own devices. Charlotte Gainsbourg delivers a great performance as her absent rockstar mother- and speaks perfect Italian throughout much of the film. The film is loosely based on Argento’s own childhood; her real-life father is Dario, the disturbed visionary behind Italian horror classics like Suspiria, Inferno and Tenebre. 

Misunderstood is a darkly memorizing film about girlhood. Argento possesses such an amazing skill for procuring absolutely stellar performances from the child actors in her films, and Giulia Salerno is fantastic as Aria. I hear people singing praises for the child actors in Stranger Things or the new It, and I laugh smugly comparing those performances to Salerno’s in Misunderstood. It’s such a compelling drama; a great foreign language film for people who have a tough time with subtitles. It totally blows Boyhood out of the water as a film about childhood. 

The Eyes of My Mother, 2016 dir. Nicolas Pesce

Where you can find it: Netflix US

If you’re maybe looking for something like The Girl Next Door but classier, The Eyes of My Mother is a prisoner/torture film you can take to dinner at Dorsia. 

Shot in beautiful black-and-white, this is a nice little serial killer making-of that is both grotesque and visually-pleasing. The story follows Francisca, a young girl whose mother, formerly an eye surgeon in Portugal, has fascinated her with vivisection and human anatomy. But this fascination has an unintended consequence when Francisca must cope with senseless tragedy. 

This film has a deliberate pace and convincing performances that seem out-of-place among typical torture-horror. The photography is really lovely, and it confidently supports the bygone era setting that feels like 1950s rural America. 

For such a small film, the writing and performances are impressive. Specifically, I thought the visiting serial killer was profoundly interesting for someone who only appears as a supporting character. I felt a real effort for this film to be respectable and taken seriously, and that isn’t something that I would generally say about other films that cover this topic and material. It’s in the same category as the likes of The Girl Next Door or Hostel and it is just leagues ahead of those films in quality. 

If you like “Fucked Up but Upper Crust” films like Antichrist, Under the Skin or The Witch, this little horror-drama about extreme alienation will be a good fit for you. 

Take Shelter, 2011 dir. Jeff Nichols

Where you can find it: Shudder

I finally got to watch this movie after maybe two or three years of waiting for an opportunity. It’s available on Shudder, which my household recently subscribed to. It’s $5/month (or $4/month if you buy a whole year at once) and has a yuuuge selection of horror movies that is extremely diverse- everything from Battle Royale to Cannibal Holocaust to Beyond the Black Rainbow. Even if you paid $10 for a couple months of it, any horror fan will easily find enough of their catalog to make the investment worth it. I SWEAR THIS IS NOT A PAID ADVERTISEMENT BUT SHUDDER HMU IF YOU WANNA BE MY SUGAR DADDY 

Where was I? Ah yes. Take Shelter is a great drama/psychological horror film that succeeds mainly on Michael Shannon’s jaw-dropping performance. He plays a man plagued by disturbing apocalyptic visions, and he isn’t sure if they’re true prophesies or emerging schizophrenia. It’s an excellent piece on mental illness in rural America. Michael Shannon is quickly becoming one of my favorite actors and I think this may be the best performance of his. I’ve heard Tarantino just finished his script for his Charles Manson movie, and if he doesn’t cast Robert Pattinson in the lead role (dude, just think about it), Michael Shannon is my second pick. The guy is just so genuine and talented. 

I would have liked for the ending to go in a different direction, but I seem to be the only person I’ve talked to with this opinion so take that with a grain of salt. 

Take Shelter has an interesting take on the weird convergence of prophetic conviction and mental illness. I would probably recommend it to fans of We Need to Talk About Kevin, Melancholia, or Jacob’s Ladder. 

The Transfiguration, 2016 dir. Michael O’Shea

Where you can find it: Netflix US

I can’t believe how few people have seen this film! It’s sensational!

This is a vampire movie for people who love gritty indie shit like Gummo or White Girl. It follows a teenage boy who’s absolutely captivated by vampire lore, to a horrifying degree. He’s coping with the recent death of his mother when he meets an equally traumatized teenage outcast, Sophie, whom he drags into his bizarre fantasy world. 

The Transfiguration goes places that horror hasn’t really been gutsy or diversified enough to go, with themes like child murder, 13 or 14-year-old kids dealing with fucked up shit, and inner city violence. Another deliberately paced film, the gritty and realistic tone makes the horror more realistic and shocking when it appears, in the same way that Drive lulls you into a sense of calm before assaulting you with car chases and Christina Hendricks’s fucking head getting blown the fuck off. 

The ending is perfectly ambiguous for a film so tethered to reality. Whereas something like Take Shelter doesn’t leave you wondering whether Michael Shannon’s visions were real apocalyptic prophesies or schizophrenic delusions, The Transfiguration respects you enough to leave you hanging on the final shot. 

This is a surprising film that left me a little damaged and disturbed for a few days. It goes to some very dark places, some that are so generally taboo for horror it’s like having a finger jammed into a wound you didn’t know you had. If the notion of a gritty independent film crossing over effectively into horror excites you, check this one out as soon as you can. 

A Dark Song, 2016 dir. Liam Gavin

Where you can find it: Netflix US

This is a nice little surprise of a horror film that I haven’t seen get much attention. An aggrieved woman and an occultist shut themselves in a creepy house to perform a strict, months-long black ritual. 

A Dark Song conjures up a balanced mixture of psychological horror, haunts and black magic. The two leads far exceed the horror standard and do an excellent job of maintaining the pace for an otherwise subtle and slow-burning film. A healthy amount of human drama between the characters paired with the strong performances makes you care a bit for both of them, which helps immensely to amplify the dread and horror when the movie gets scary. And, thankfully, it is fairly scary!

The only true weakness of this film is an ending that doesn’t quite live up to what my expectations were, but it’s not enough of a failing to subtract from the overall quality of the film. I know a few folks who are into ~~“THE OCCULT”~~ that liked this film quite a bit, and the atmosphere kind of reminds me of The Others, if The Others was a more serious and deliberate film. It’s a surprise in the same way that The Invitation was last year. Highly recommend for most horror fans. 

Hell House LLC, 2015 dir. Stephen Cognetti

Where you can find it: Shudder 

I mentioned this in my Creep 2 review, but I’m very open-minded toward found footage and I think it’s a much better genre than people give it credit for. I’ll make a list or video eventually talking about the ones I think are great, but today I want to recommend this relatively underrated found footage flick from 2015. 

Hell House LLC is starts off with newsreel and cell phone footage documenting a Halloween haunted house tour that ended with the unexplained deaths of 15 people. What follows is the newly discovered footage shot by the tour organizers leading up to the mysterious disaster. 

There are two things I’m looking for with found footage: why they have cameras, and why they continue to shoot when shit gets real. Hell House LLC nails both of these: they have the cameras to both document the set up and to manage the haunted house during operation. They continue to stay and film here because they have an understandable financial commitment keeping them there. Additionally, you get the feeling that these people are used to being around creepy stuff for a living and when you hear them expressing skepticism about the sp0ooo0o0oky things happening, their rationale for sticking around makes sense and is believable. 

The movie is pretty scary! I watched it in the dark with headphones and definitely jumped, shouted, and whipped my headphones off in terror a couple times. It does a good job of using limited light and perspective to make you dread shadows and dark corners. 

The film isn’t quite perfect, and suffers minorly from inexperienced actors, but it wasn’t enough to take me out of the movie. I really liked the concept and I hear a sequel is in production, so you might wanna get in on this. Recommend for fans of Grave Encounters or The Poughkeepsie Tapes. 

[puff0202]

hanna as A theory

so seeing as the finale of pretty little liars is next week and A is finally going to be revealed, i am going to put my thoughts down as to why i think hanna is A. to be honest i don’t think this will end up being true but this is the way i would love for the grand reveal to go down. i’ll be referring to AD simply as A, just because it’s my belief that AD has been A since season 2. strong spoilers ahead obviously. so here is my theory as to why hanna is A:

show evidence

- hanna has always been the most insecure of the girls and was easily the most tormented of the main liars by alison. alison berated her for her appearance constantly and even went so far as to encourage her to become bulimic. spencer, emily, and aria all stood by as hanna was constantly tortured by alison on a scale that the others were not familiar with, and she has every reason to resent them for it.

- following alison’s disappearance hanna became good friends with mona and lucas, the two people bullied most by alison. hanna would have been well aware of how much her new friends were harassed by alison, giving her reason to hate her more than she already did. mona and hanna became best friends and mona even encouraged hanna to take alison’s place as the rosewood it girl, which she happily did.

- mona being revealed as the first A could have inspired hanna to take over after mona was sentenced to time at radley. hanna visited mona in radley while she was drugged up, which was exactly around the time charlotte was also stealing the game from mona. hanna could have easily found out about charlotte becoming the next A from mona, which mona herself would later be unable to remember due to the copious drugs she was on. mona later recalls meeting with charlotte during her time at radley, but she could have met with hanna more than she remembered as well and thought it had been charlotte. hanna is often described as looking similar to alison, and alison looks similar to charlotte, so mona confusing them while hallucinating is not a stretch.

- if i had to guess, hanna pulled the strings from behind the scenes, making charlotte believe she was in charge while in reality, hanna was leading charlotte to torture the rest of the girls by manipulating her without charlotte even being aware. hanna also likely found motive to add mona to charlotte’s list as well, seeing as how mona also tortured hanna while she was A.

- hanna has consistently proven herself to be the least intelligent of the group, and by association, the least capable. she regularly says and does things that the other liars - namely spencer - think to be stupid and irresponsible. hanna’s dense attitude doesn’t really seem to line up with the fact that she scored incredibly well on her SATs. while we are not told of her exact scores, it is obviously high enough to seriously surprise caleb and even have hanna called into the guidance counsellor’s office for alleged cheating. hanna forges signatures and handwriting incredibly easily, she’s a talented thief, and has demonstrated multiple times that she is inexplicably skilled at car tailing. the most interesting piece of evidence suggesting hanna is not as dumb as she seems is when mona straight up called hanna out for not being as stupid as she acts. mona even says hanna is leagues more intelligent than spencer, the braniac of the group. 

- small hint, but fans have noticed that while hanna was in her alcoholic phase, she and A were seen drinking the same brand of vodka.

- following charlotte’s death and the appearance of the “new” A, hanna has been the one targeted the most. she is kidnapped and tortured, and A even threatens to kill her. during the game, hanna is given the most turns, and is forced to do the most difficult things. hanna being A’s biggest target could be evidence that she is not A, but in my opinion, it is even stronger evidence that she is. good criminals know that to avoid being caught, they need to shift the blame by making themselves look innocent. what better way to count hanna out as a candidate for A than to make herself her own biggest target?

7x19 clues

- for me, the episode with the most evidence for hanna being A was tonight’s, 7x19. if there was ever an episode for clues to be considered important, it would be the last episode before the series finale and its grand reveal. 

- it’s reasonable to assume the note given to mona telling her to get out while she is at the diner was A’s way of leading spencer and caleb down the tunnel and keeping them distracted. caleb decides to follow mona down the tunnel leading out of the back of the diner, and spencer offers to go with him. hanna also offers to go but caleb refuses, which hanna is a little too quick to accept. the scene with spencer and caleb travelling through the tunnel ends up being pointless as they find nothing. while aria, ezra, alison, and emily are kept occupied looking for archer’s body, spencer and caleb are kept busy in the tunnel. the only two unaccounted for are mona and hanna. 

- it is implied mary is the one who takes archer’s body from aria’s trunk and buries it in charlotte’s fake grave, in order to protect the liars. A then tells the liars where the body is and tips off the police so they could be caught redhanded. A had to have known mary’s motive for moving the body and where she put it by following her, which happened while hanna was offscreen with no alibi. 

- hanna ends up at the rosewood church, of all places, and conveniently bumps into mona in the bell tower. how did hanna know to go to the church to look for mona, unless she had texted mona as A and told her to go there? i think hanna guessed that mona killed charlotte and knew that by sending her back to the scene of the crime in the midst of her mental relapse, mona would confess to charlotte’s murder. 

production proof

- while not a particularly strong piece of evidence, pretty little liars loves blondes. alison is arguably the most important character of the entire show and is blonde. charlotte, one of the main antagonists, was blonde. bethany, the girl revealed to be the one in alison’s grave, was blonde. sara, one of charlotte’s main accomplices, was blonde. hanna’s blonde hair could be a hint towards her importance as a character, simply from a production/narrative standpoint. there have been several occasions as well in which fans of the show have caught quick glimpses of A having blonde hair. 

- in the opening credits of seasons 1-5, all the liars look towards hanna.

- the first two cast members to find out A’s identity were ashley and troian, who play hanna and spencer. this strongly suggests that one of their characters will end up being A, or at least be involved in A being caught.

- in the promotional photoshoot for season 7, ashley is wearing a dress with a slit up the side, which resembles the letter A.

final thoughts

again, i highly doubt my theory will end up being true, but this is my reasoning for believing that hanna could be A. there are more clues sprinkled throughout previous seasons as well but these are the main ones that i came up with. i hope next week’s episode doesn’t let me down :-)-:

[briannaslist]

Choose or Lose

A Pretty Little Liars Recap (7x18)

Ali and Emily are about to have some sexy time, potentially in an effort to convince us that they do have some chemistry. It’s not convincing, so they cut it off to show us that the board game has moved into their bedroom. They see the new puzzle piece that was added secretly by Aria in the previous episode. Then they get interrupted by the police, who are searching all of the girls’ houses. Hanna called Aria in time to warn her and Aria shreds the police report she wrote about Ezra. When the police get to Ali and Emily’s bedroom, there is no board game.

Spencer learns that Detective Tanner is back. It would be exciting if only they hadn’t ruined her character last time. She says that Furey is off the case; he told her everything about Spencer and took himself off. That’s right; off screen, unceremoniously gone. He was too smart, with too many morals, so they just shuttled him off.

Tanner asked to head the investigation herself after Furey stepped down. She always felt like the girls were guilty of something, but never knew how. Which doesn’t seem like the proper reason to take over an investigation.

The police are taking everything, including phones. Ezra follows the police out of The Brew to ask them some questions about the search warrant and more logistics. Aria hears a phone ringing behind a vent. It’s AD calling. Aria says she wants to meet them. AD says they’ll text her the details.

Hanna packed up some stuff and goes to The Radley. She sees her mom in the lobby and Ashley tells Hanna she knows they’re being investigated and asks Hanna if she needs any help. Hanna says she does, but she isn’t letting her mom put herself on the line. She goes upstairs to a suite that Ashley set up for them. Spencer, Emily, Alison, and Caleb are there. Spencer got them all phones to use for the time being.

Emily mentions how freaked out she is since AD was probably watching her and Ali sleep last night. Everyone perks up at her phrasing and Hanna asks if they’re together. They both just give smiles in response and Hanna says it’s about time. Is it Hanna?

Hanna looks under a food tray in the kitchen and finds the phone from the game. It says “Choose or Lose. Just one plea, the rest go free. If no one steps up, you all go down.” Mona comes in and tells them if they want an explanation, they should ask Aria. Mona figured out that Aria is on the AD team. And it only took her like two days.

Mona gives her reasoning, including hearing a portion of Aria’s call to AD. She even plays part of that conversation for them. But Spencer wants more concrete proof.

Meanwhile, Detective Tanner has enough to think they could file charges within the week. They somehow found broken glass with blood in the shower drain. How a piece so small managed to stay there with blood is beyond me, but hey, there it is.

Toby runs into Spencer in the lobby at The Radley. He has long hair and a full beard. So, um… how long has Toby been gone? It’s been what, like a week, maybe two, since Yvonne died. What happened at that cabin while he was “not fishing”? Toby tells her that Detective Tanner called him in for questioning, which is why he’s in town. Spencer asks him how he’s been and he says he has good and bad days. Are they, like, every other day because they have given no indication of significant time passing? He tells her the cabin is nice since it’s away from all the noise and invites her there. Spencer responds by asking about Tanner. He tells her that it seems like Tanner is building a solid case.

Ezra catches Aria being all suspicious, wearing all black. He asks her what’s going on, but gets interrupted by a phone call. Aria takes advantage of this and leaves. Aria goes to the meeting place and is surrounded by the girls.

She tells them the truth about why she’s there. She tells them about the leverage AD had with the police report and Ali is outraged that she chose to protect Ezra over them. Why is anyone surprised? Aria’s done it before. In fact, they all have. And their significant others have too. Ali gets a phone call and steps away. Aria keeps trying to explain herself and reminds them that they’ve done terrible things at AD’s request. She reminds Spencer about how she kidnapped Ezra’s kid (I cannot remember where we landed on that one). Spencer’s response is, “Yeah but I didn't hurt him. Because of you, my parents are getting a divorce. You ruined everything I had.”

Wow. I mean where do you even start with that? First off, if anyone should be sympathetic, it should be Spencer. Both she and Toby worked for A in the past due to threats. Second, how can one ever respond to the statement that they didn’t hurt a child that they kidnapped. Like even if it wasn’t violent, that’s still a bad thing. That sounds like Charlotte’s, “But did you die?” defense. Third, how the hell is Aria responsible for Spencer’s parents breaking up? The Hastings’ household is a giant mess and always has been. Spencer even recently asked her mom why she was still married to Peter. Aria just put in a recording that AD would have played in their house regardless. AD manages to get into all their houses to move a giant board game; they can play a recording without Aria’s help. Even without the conspiracy to murder, we still have Peter fathering children with the neighbors more than once. This was an inevitability.

Ali comes back, saying the call was from Detective Tanner, who wants all five of them to come down to the station. Spencer tells Aria that she can find her own ride. Okay, so skipping over how silly that symbolic statement was considering Aria already drove herself there, how does Tanner have the number to Ali’s temporary phone? Rosewood police.

The girls get to the station and are put into a room together. Tanner shows them the windshield fragment and tells them they’re going through their internet searches. They also have some footage of the girls from The Radley. Tanner is offering them an opportunity to tell their side. Spencer speaks for all of them and refuses for all of them. I would never let Spencer speak for me. She’s the worst one. It’s cool to be annoyed at the situation, but take it down several notches Spencer. Tanner says they’re done and they all leave.

Aria calls AD while driving in her car. AD is disappointed in how sloppy Aria was. AD hasn’t been paying any attention after all; Aria was sloppy since day one. Aria accuses AD of never intending to meet her and getting her busted on purpose. She says AD has given her nothing and AD says they gave her the file. Aria says they’re done and disconnects the call.

The rest go to The Radley and openly talk about the crimes they committed while knowing they’re being watched by a master manipulator and investigated by the police. Emily says this time is different from the others because they did kill a guy. This. Is. So. Frustrating. There is no they, first of all. His death was not a joint effort. There was one driver and it was Hanna. Who also did not murder anyone. She was driving a car that he ran in front of. That’s not murder. He was in all black, in the woods, at night. She didn’t see him until he hit her car. All they had to do was call the police. Hanna was not going to go to jail for that. Look at her. They’re not arresting Hanna. In a show full of stupid, this is high up there.

They get a notification that they only have 24 hours to have someone turn themselves in. Each starts offering up why they’re the best candidate for turning themselves in. Emily points out that this is what AD wants, to tear them apart; she says they already succeeded with Aria and Spencer says Aria did it to herself. Honestly, Spencer, please fuck off. Luckily Emily calls her out and says that Spencer is the first person AD convinced to play the game.

The next morning, Ashley approaches Caleb in The Radley to ask about Hanna. As always. Caleb is probably really annoyed with Ashley asking about Hanna every time she sees him so he just tells her the truth. And he tells Hanna that he told her. Hanna is upset but he gets back in her good graces basically by being cute and sappy. She says she shouldn’t have involved him in everything and he holds her hand and says, “But you did.” And then the scene just ends. Why did we add that line?

Spencer goes to talk to Aria. She found an old picture of them and says it made her think about things. Aria says that she’s sorry and Spencer says she wishes she could forgive her. Clearly Spencer think much. She starts saying that Aria was right about her being just as bad – which also seems like unnecessary phrasing – but she gets cut off by a loud knock on Aria’s door. The police are returning Aria’s stuff. A video came in showing Aria in New Hampshire the night of Dunhill’s murder. Now Aria’s in the clear. Spencer storms out and Ezra walks in through the other entrance. Aria tells him they need to talk.

Turns out Ezra knew about the file this whole time. Aria’s not discrete and she left it out. He figured that’s what she was shredding and said he took it to the composter to be completely sure it was gone. She tries to apologize for writing it and he says she was right to do it and that he wouldn’t have blamed her if she had turned it in, then or now. He says he deserved it and maybe still does. Aria says he doesn’t and that she’s done some terrible things. Ezra tells her that she doesn’t have to tell him, but Aria insists that she does. But first she kisses him because she doesn’t know if he’ll stick around after she does tell him.

Caleb takes Hanna to the courthouse. He got them simple rings and says one day they may be able to afford nicer ones and a bigger ceremony. Plus the perk of them not having to testify against each other if they’re married. Hanna notes the time of day and says they’ll have to wait for morning. But Ashley is there and she made some calls to have the ceremony that night.

Alison set up a candlelight picnic in the middle of the woods for her and Emily. Why won’t these people stop going to the woods?

Spencer goes to Toby’s cabin. She says what will happen will happen. Toby notes the statement doesn’t sound like her. She tells him it feels like they’re always saying goodbye and asks him if he remembers the goodbye kiss they shared. You know, the one before he went off to start his life with his fiancé? The one before they got into an unfortunate accident and his fiancé was hospitalized and he married her there and she died the same day? That one. “It was nice wasn’t it?” Toby nods in agreement and they kiss again.

I feel like Toby was in a more vulnerable position and Spencer just capitalized on that. It seems wrong. But with less than 24 hours, we get a montage of Caleb and Hanna getting married while every other couple has sex. And it’s not short. Just…send them all to jail and end the show here.

At 3:59, the girls and Caleb get together. Except Aria because they don’t care about her anymore. Hanna says they should make a promise to not get mad after the countdown, no matter what anyone does. They agree. Where were those sentiments when they found out about Aria?

The timer counts down and says they lose. Spencer picks up a rock and smashes the phone. Where did she get the rock? Caleb says he got a hit on the game’s location and texted Ezra to meet him. Hang on. Ezra? So they must know that Aria told him. What, Aria gave them the heads up and they just freezed her out of their countdown party? And after she participated in the sex montage! These people are the worst.

Aria calls AD and says she’ll turn herself in and that will fix everything with her friends. Yes, the proper retribution for messing up a nursery is to admit to murder (when it wasn’t murder) and go to prison. AD says they ran out of time and the game is over. They say she won unlimited freedom and that they enjoyed the game and will miss their calls. And then the phone catches fire. Aria drops it and leaves the apartment. She leaves the burning phone on her wood floors. There are no words.

Aria calls Spencer from her car and says she’s on her way over there with an idea of how to fix everything. But then she hears a clunk. She pulls over and checks her trunk. She’s startled by a dead body in the trunk and drops her keys in there. A police car pulls up behind her and she slams the trunk closed, with the keys still inside.

Caleb and Ezra follow the signal all the way to Mona’s apartment. Mona is staring intently at the game as a jail cell pops up. She puts on her glasses. End episode.

[crystall1z3d]

Wanna Hear You Calling My Name Part 2

Based On a TaeTae FMV by AV1United

Genre : Fluff, Angst, Slight Smut, (Might add more)

Pairing : Taehyung x Reader

Words : 1690~

Part 1 | Part 2 |

                                   _____________________________

Y/N laughed as she waved back to Joshua. She had fun today, they had talked for a long, and he was someone who actually had things to talk about. He wasn't only interested in her body, but rather it seemed as though he liked conversing better, he was just someone who was tired and came to Aria to relax in the atmosphere. For Y/N this was the best time she had had in a long time. Someone who didn't want to just have sex, or just talk about work. Someone who didn't care so much but did at the same time. 

Contradicting? Sometimes all she wanted to do was tell her whole life to a stranger. She didn't care if the stranger judged her. But after knowing her whole life was he just a stranger anymore? 

Anyways, they made plans to meet again the next week for a date, and also met each other every other day at the bar. It was nice, she felt nice. She felt like someone, and not just another one. It wasn't because Taehyung had made her feel that way... but burying her feelings in her heart watching him love Mari through everything killed her. She wondered why that wasn't her. In fact even when he was V, she wondered why he never seemed to look at her that way. It was like he never considered her as someone he could love. Sure she didn't want to be just another fling, but it still pricked her that he never considered her a woman. But with Joshua it was different. He actually was looking at her, and talking to her, and not because she was beautiful or pretty, she didn't care about that, and it seemed neither did he. He wanted to know her, know her personality, and she liked that. So slowly they started talking more and in a week, on the date, they were just walking around doing random things. Y/N looked at the glass window shopping as she went by. A certain dress caught her eye, it was a red one piece, and was pretty short, but very pretty. Joshua noticed this and smiling he pulled her into the store. "A-ah! Joshua! It's okay." "No come on, just have a look at it." 

"Well if it's just a look..." Spotting the dress from the model on a rack kept nearby she took it in her hand to take look at it. It had quite an exposing back almost reaching the small of her back, but the front was a draped boat neck and it had very short sleeves. She looked at him curiously, and he motioned towards the Trail room with a smile. "You should try it on." "You think so? Maybe I should." She laughs as she walks into the trail room and starts changing. Back in the store Joshua looks at his phone screen which had been vibrating very often. His expression turned into a frown as he ignored the messages. He knew what he had to do... But somehow after spending time with her it seemed wrong, almost. So he decided to just do it when the time came, till then he would stay true to her. She came out soon and the dress was very body hugging wrapping around her figure comfortably. It wasn't tight, but it was a very body fitting. It suited her very well, and looked very flattering. Almost too flattering honestly, for someone who had only seen her in office wear, which was a mystery almost, since she didn't even go to work. Joshua's eyes widened slightly, and although this was very out of character Y/N blushed a bit. He gave her approving nod. She didn't need it, but she humored him. "It suits you very well." "Thank you!~" He seemed to think for a moment and then card the sales lady over and asked her to bill the dress, telling her that Y/N would be wearing it for today. "Wha-no I can't do that! I can't make you pay for it! It's fine I'll pay." "Of course not Y/N, didn't you know it makes a guy feel better when you let him pay for things on a date." He gives you a smile before walking over to the counter. Both of them walked around a bit more, and then finally to end the day they went to Aria.

POV Change 

Today was almost a special day, Yoongi was there as the music mixer and the whole place livelier than ever. I smiled and hugged Yoongi when I saw him. "It's been a long time! How's music making going?" He smiles at me warmly, "It's going good. How about you?" "Mhmm, I'm writing everyday, should definitely get the draft done on time~" "That's good, but I was talking about another aspect." He says gesturing with eyes. I slap him lightly on the shoulder. "Geez! Yeah it's going good." I say laughing and blushing slightly. For some reason Yoongi always seemed to know when something was up. In this case, something good was up. He ruffles my hair and smiles at me. "That's good kid. You need to smile like that more often. Taehyung treating you alright?" I frown slightly. "Well I haven't met him much the last few days, but really being around Joshua is really nice. He makes me feel happy." I smile lightly happy, but I don't notice Yoongi's expression changing. "Joshua?"

 "Yep! I met him recently right here! He's working as a Forex Trader. I didn't tell you about him?" I tilt my head a bit just realizing that I hadn't told Yoongi anything yet. 

"Ah right I haven't told you anything yet.." 

He raises an eyebrow as if to say, 'you think?'.

"I would love to tell you but you have to DJ, If I keep you distracted you might just decide not to do it, so..." "Yeah well I've done enough for tonight, I need to sit, so I just decided not to do it~" I sigh and shake my head at him.He jumps down from the podium and plops himself down on a couch immediately. "Yah Yoongi!" I am about to tell him how lethargic he was being when I felt someone tap me on the shoulder. When I turn around I see Joshua standing there with two glasses in his hand. I giggle slightly, completely not like me, "An appletini!" 

"You remembered?" 

"Of course!" He says, handing me the drink. Then he glances at Yoongi and then looks at me. "Ah! That's right, Joshua this is Yoongi? Yoongi this is Mr. Joshua Wren, the one I was talking about?"  

Yoongi nods in acknowledgement. Joshua put his hand forward to shake, and Yoongi takes it. 

"Nice to meet you." 

Yoongi stares for a second and then nods giving him a small smile. Joshua turns to me immediately. 

"Miss Y/N I unfortunately got called to work-"

 "Awh... Is everything okay?" I said scrunching my eyebrows together. 

"Yes yes, it's the usual. Nothing is stable in the exchange market." He says moving his hand in the air as if to say it wasn't anything at all. "But I would love to have a dance with you, before I have to leave. I would hate to let this opportunity go." 

"Oh! Sure, I would love to!" I smile at him, he was so courteous and gentlemanly. He smiles slightly and pulls out his hand, holding it out to me. "Ah..." I blush slightly and put my hand into his and he pulls me onto the dance floor. POV change V came up to Yoongi just in time to hear him say, "Wren..." 

He tilted his head to the side.

"Wren?" Yoongi looks towards him not even surprised at his sudden appearance. 

He motions towards the dance floor and He sees Y/N and another guy I had seen somewhere. Infact he was quite familiar to him. "Joshua Wren. He's the one who's got Y/N so happy. I'm glad for her but I can't help but think I've heard the name Wren somewhere..." V narrowed his eyes at Joshua. "I'm sure you have." 

"Do you know him?" 

Without answering V moves forward and stands just in the front of the crowd that had formed around Y/N and Joshua.  He folded his hands in front of him. There were many emotions swelling up inside him right now. One was distinctively anger. And the other he couldn't quite recognize. It was something he had felt before, but the first time for Y/N or at this magnitude. These were the gnawings of jealousy. He watched as Joshua bent Y/N down and as his hand brushed over her naked back. He couldn't seem to look away. As his hands seem to touch her lightly. As he danced with her. And the worst thing, was her. She looked happy. That just made it worse than anything. Joshua's eyes met V's. He didn't look surprised in the least, but he raised an eyebrow as his hands seemed to tighten on her. 

He tsk-ed. The dress was more revealing than anything else she had ever worn. V clenched his fist, trying to gain control of himself. Just then someone passed by him. Someone with a very familiar perfume. Seeing whom the dance stopped. Mari smiled venomously at Y/N. 

"Dancing Y/N? It doesn't suit people your age." 

"...some people need to start using glue sticks instead of chapsticks honestly."  

"Well anyways! A thought crossed my mind." 

"Must have been a long lonely journey..." I say looking at her wearily, as she babbled on ignoring me. 

"We should have a dancing competition tomorrow." 

"You want to dance against someone you think doesn't suit dancing? Mari, you need to have more confidence in yourself. If you keep your confidence so low you'll lose out on opportunities~" 

Y/N said, smiling and patting her shoulder. Mari swatted her hand away and Y/N adopted an expression of fake innocence, looking distressed. 

"You'd better come tomorrow. Don't run away." 

"Never been a sports person." 

With that last sentence Y/N patted her shoulder lightly and walked straight out of the conversation.

So! Let me know what you guys think? ^^

Part 2 finally after so long!!

[hentaihunblog-blog]

Caligula Episode 4 – People who do not respect themselves will not be respected by others

New Post has been published on https://hentaihun.com/blog/2018/04/30/caligula-episode-4-people-who-do-not-respect-themselves-will-not-be-respected-by-others/

Caligula Episode 4 – People who do not respect themselves will not be respected by others

My, my. To think we’d be alive for the moment when Smeagol became a focal point for an anime in discussing isolation and desire. How lucky can you get?

I liked this episode a whole lot more than the last one and I’m pretty sure it all comes down to how well you can relate to the subject material, which isn’t actually all that surprising. I can identify with seclusion much more than with body/eating disorders, just from my own personal experiences. I’ve also started to really get a kick out of the μ song that comes on at the climax of each episode. The lyrics have been targeted for the specific issue we happen to be dealing with and it just adds a lot more to the scene. It’s just good music.

While I don’t doubt there will be more violent, action centered episodes in the future, based on the blond lady surrounded by Digiheads, the fact that they’re showing that there are alternative solutions to overcoming personal setbacks is notable and appreciated. Sometimes, just offering to talk or eat lunch together can be enough of a starting point for change. I don’t buy into the whole ‘Smeagol was just lonely’ bit they tried to use, but the message came out loud and clear which is the important thing. Honestly, hearing a Lord of the Rings reference to any degree is just a nice bonus.

They got everyone together a lot quicker than I thought they would. They even went through the trouble of skipping the explanation of the mobius system and the reactions to it, flashing forward to everyone accepting it as truth. In an anime attempting to cover so much ground, it’s definitely a good sign for time management. I can’t count the amount of times I’ve watched a show that has insisted on repeating information over and over again despite very obvious time limits.

I’ve had to do this in the past too, but I’m starting to enjoy the show more now that I feel like I finally understand where it’s coming from. It was unclear to me from the first few episodes whether or not this was supposed to be sci-fi, psychological, comedy, action, etc. Now that I have my expectations aligned, I’m starting to take more pleasure in watching the new episodes. Like I mentioned before, I think being empathetic to the particular episodes content is crucial in the viewing. Considering this show seems to be a shout out to mental health in general, empathy is probably a pretty important concept in general. Being so familiar with Suzuna’s trauma in this episode has made me reconsider not liking the last episode. Due to not connecting with it, I kind of wrote it off. Now, I like to think that empathizing could be a key feature of this series. And they say you never learn anything useful from watching TV. Pfft.

Because of the general nature of the show, it’s hard to know how much time has passed since Shougo has been ‘awakened’, but how the hell do him and Aria not have a plan for how to escape? Aria even says she’s 1/2 of the system (or used to be, most of her power is gone now). You’d think she’d have some way of communicating with μ. And μ is so dense, saying she doesn’t understand why they don’t like it here! Gosh, I don’t know. Being chased around by former friends turned monsters, finding out my world is only half built, and having my reality crumble around me seems like a great way to spend a weekend…

I know she’s being manipulated by the musicians, but this seems like something a small sit down and chat session could clear up pretty darn quick!

Also, I’m aware it’s kind of cheesy, but I like the idea of channeling the negative feelings they have accumulated to create ways to fight through a feeling of catharsis. Aria said Shikishima wasn’t ready yet, but I’m hoping they’ll all get their own versions of personified catharsis soon. Assuming each character gets their own episode, there are still 3 or 4 episodes to go and then maybe escaping from mobius will become the main plot. I know this all has been more or less laid out in the game that this show is based on, but I’ve never played it. So, everything here is new to me and I’m super interested in seeing how far the show takes it in the coming weeks.

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