#to look at what needs fixing. i suppose.

[biggest-gaudiest-patronuses]

going through my old journals as part of therapy homework and i'm reading a section written in the emotional wreckage of a full-on breakdown when i get hit with this line:

There is never a satisfying answer to ‘Why didn’t they love me?’

like wow babe. good fucking point

[silasbug]

i am angry at myself.

someone just told me that i am one of their favorite people and all i want to tell them is that "i am so fucking sorry".

because i've managed to fool someone again.

i know that i am not a good person. i am mediocre at best.

jesus christ. i can't keep doing this. it's so disingenuous. i manage to say the right thing so rarely that it sticks when i do and i am so fucking sorry to all the people that i've ever convinced that i was good, or kind, or anything better than i actually am, because i have hurt literally every single fucking one of those people.

i know that pain is inherent and people's expectations are their own, are on them, but there must be something i say or do that makes those people comfortable setting those expectations with me in the first place.

i feel like people see (or want to see) something in me, something kindred. they latch on and i let them believe that i am something good. then i just absolutely fucking let them down.

i do not deserve to be held in high regards by anyone.

my therapist told me that "if most people you talk to see you in a certain way then there's got to be some merit to it" but. no. fuck that. absolutely fucking fuck that. i have good traits but they don't necessarily make me a good person.

and i notice it and i feel it every time it happens. i become so apprehensive. i get so afraid and anxious about making new friends because i am terrified of it happening again. of someone latching on and putting so much goddamned faith in me (which i clearly cannot handle) that i internally curl and clam up like an armadillo anytime anyone talks to me.

it happens so rarely that it's immediately noticeable and overwhelming. i can't give half of these people what they want or need from me because i can barely take care of myself without wanting to sink into the ground and disappear.

i can't make anyone feel better.

so how do i keep making people think that i am anything but the sad little pile of decaying leaves that i actually am?

too caught up in trying to catch a breeze, to finally be scattered about the fields, no longer whole but separate, in hopes of finding peace because the whole clearly cannot.

i feel so goddamned guilty. all of the time.

and i.

i am tired.

[heartorbit]

just how can i protect your smile?

[sluckythewizard]

'I wont cry for you, I wont crucify the things you do. I wont cry for you, see, when you're gone, I'll still be BLOODY MARY'

[pikathefunny]

IT'S TIME FOR LUFFY TREATMENT

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

i wanted to try my hand at slamming Home with the puppetification beam. i told myself i wasn't gonna get attached. im attached. not sure about the outfit tho

[bigskydreaming]

The thing that kills me about the Star Wars prequel trilogy and why I will die on my hill that my problem is not that Star Wars is a tragedy, its that its a badly written tragedy, is that Anakin Skywalker was at his closest to being a good Jedi when he was ten years old.

[zebratimw]

Spirit animal SQH

[mrsimqle]

UM why am I not mad at this I thought this was gonna look absolutely ugly in game??

[idiosyncraticrednebula]

People who say that Beauty and the Beast (1991) endorses Stockholm Syndrome and domestic abuse have very grossly missed the entire point of the story.

[nerdie-faerie]

Just when I think the day's going well, I crash a golf cart

[plink-dev]

Alt noelle for the WIN!!!!!! i like making her scene and giving her clothes that look a bit funny together but still rule.

Also dear lord im trying to get back into drawing normally ITS SO DIFFICULT. THIS TOOK ME 3 AND A HALF HOURS I USED TO DO FULL ILLUSTRATIONS IN ROUGHLY AN HOUR. Whatever. Jeez. Whatever

[socksandbuttons]

In the "a day in the life of eclipse" it wasn't the first time Solar's Moon treated him badly. Remember when Lunar first showed up in Solar's dimension, Solar told Moon that there's a dimensional traveler and he'll deal with it. And his Moon responded with "good because I don't care!" it looks like his Moon has been aggressive/treated him badly to him from the start. Sorry, I just didn't understand what you meant by you ignoring the lore from a day in the life of eclipse because it is part of the lore now

You're new on my blog which i frequently ignore things in my headcanons from time to time. And that canon changes from how its interpreted. Anyway, stems from Solar's explaining his moons situation. The lore SLIGHTLY changed. In terms of Moon, being slightly Glitched due to killcodes removal/memory loss. He never mentioned Moon being mean before that (at least not on the terms before he left his dimension). Not unlike things to be slightly aggressive from Moon tho, just it wasnt PERCIEVED moon was a jerk to Solar UNTIL Solar reveals this later on (after Lunars death). They didn't really develop his story until later a little more. So I'm sticking to my previous headcanon of Moon having a glitch, which is canon to s degree? SOLAR himself has mentioned he wanted to fix his MOON AND SUN. Which was forgotten/changed and turned into just sun then into Solar leaving forever.

[britneyshakespeare]

I have to be so honest and vulnerable with you for a second. I keep thinking of getting another complete works of Shakespeare

[roitaminnah]

posting this aggie drawing i made like an hour ago because it's making me laugh a lot. featuring miniature diyamin by my best friend balls-on-my-face

[themyscirah]

I think that comic creators should be forced to read the entirety of Ostrander & Yale's Suicide Squad run before they even THINK of using Amanda Waller in anything actually